id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
zZtObxKeVvrPszQVGUFK9l678uFfdSZ7 | b9iv2s | {
"description": "not shelling out money to rent a room, knowing all the money is going to drugs",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA For not shelling out money to rent a room, knowing all the money is going to drugs? | Ok, as of right now this is hypothetical, well 70% hypothetical. A family member said I could come stay with her. She never said I had to pay a certain amount..."just what you can". Well, after being there a couple months..I found she was three months behind on her rent because all her money was going to drugs. So... When I get my check every week, I give her $40 to $80. And it's not even a room. It's an old nasty mattress I cleaned as good as I could, but cover with three blankets just to get at least an inch of that nastiness. She says to me this morning that if I don't start giving her more money, I have to go. Im guessing because she's broke and wanting to get high.
But an I the asshole for not dishing out more money?
I do plan on moving, I have applications out for income based housing as I'm older and can't work like I could 20 years ago.
Just wondering. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
RTZxHUaJHGmo5NX9cyLZP0zsFJCCvaUZ | as9fwl | {
"description": "making my girlfriend cancel her birthday gift",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for making my girlfriend cancel her birthday gift? | Next Saturday is my Birthday and my girlfriend had planned that we‘d go play lasertag with 8 of my friends. I do however not have 8 close friends and thus she invited a few guys as well that are somewhere in between an acquaintance and a friend. My girlfriend paid €220 and each of my friends would pay only €10. All 10 of us are university students and have very limited budgets.
Originally this should have been a surprise but I asked her to tell me beforehand because I have a lot of studying to do and need to plan my time accordingly.
I feel like she created an economic incentive for my friends and not so close friends to come to my birthday, which I absolutely hate because i‘d only want to see the friends on my birthday that also want to see me not the „friends“ that want to have fun on my girlfriends budget. Additionally I feel like she just spent too much money.
Because of that I asked her to either let everyone know that they need to pay their own share and to tell them there is no obligation to appear after the initial commitment by them or to just call it all off and say i‘m sick, which she decided to do as the other option would have been very difficult to communicate properly.
She is now really sad and mad at herself as she feels like she should have known i‘d not want her to pay any of that.
Am I the asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
bSnnxCvAZPF1VytOgeDE3K0VVxlvKzBJ | arsh2k | {
"description": "making my fiance wait to get married",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for making my fiance wait to get married? | This is going to be a fairly Catholic question but I am looking for all the advice I can get. (Quick note: I am a confirmed Catholic, but after my confirmation, my parents and I left the church. To the active Catholic community, I am a lapsed Catholic who has become secularized, whereas my fiance and his family have always been in the Catholic community.)
​
My boyfriend proposed to me 6 months into our relationship, I did say yes, I love him very much and I can see us having a life together. To most people on my (secular) side, we are moving fairly fast. However, to the Catholic community he is a part of and raised in, we aren't moving fast enough. A few days after the proposal, everyone in the Catholic community began asking when our wedding date was going to be. After some weeks of consideration, tossing around a few dates (did I want summer, fall?), I put my foot down and set our wedding date in the winter at just over a year and a half away from our engagement (i.e., 26 months from when we first met). This was 100% my decision, me setting the day and my fiance agreed (mostly by saying he was just happy to show up). But after the date became official, the questions began. People I barely knew from the church would come up and ask me the wedding day then immediately ask why the date was so far away. On its own I know these aren't hostile questions, but the more time goes on, the more accusatory those same questions become. More then once, I have been asked if there was something "wrong" with our relationship and if that was why the date was so far away (I don't know exactly what they mean by 'wrong' but I dislike the implications).
I can handle these questions, they aren't fun to have thrown at me every Sunday after mass, but I can handle them. The part I can't handle is the jokes. People my own age in this community, people who I met through my fiance and who are our friends, make jokes about our wedding date. These jokes are everything from "oh, guess you can't do (insert traditionally married couple activity) until you're married! Too bad you put the day so far away haha" to borderline cruel where I get told I'm not in a real relationship and 'playing house' (my fiance and I are living together, much to the dislike of my fiances family but that's a whole other thing). Some people don't even try to hide their judgement, at a New Years party I was called out in front of the whole party and my drunk fiance for having a wedding date so far in the future and then berated for, in essence, 'sullying' my good Catholic fiance with my secular dating practices (not the first time this happened, doubt it will be the last). After that party, I broke down and my fiance agreed to actively start helping me combat situations like this, instead of continuing his "happy to show up" jokes.
I could continue to write up stories like this but the just of my question is, am I an asshole to my fiance for making him wait to get married? I know I get this treatment because I'm not one of the 'good-olde-Catholics' but this is affecting him too, his friends are giving him this same treatment and, if I'm not enjoying this treatment, he can't be either. We have everything booked now, one advantage to a date a year in the future is plenty of time to plan, so the date isn't moving now. But I have to know, am I an asshole for choosing a date so far away and making my fiance uncomfortable with his own community?
I know there's a lot to this story and I hope I made it make sense and provided enough info, but I really am looking forward to the advice from anyone else who's dealt with situations like this, Catholic, secular or otherwise. Thank you, everyone, for taking the time to read this. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
GVeUb7WrHF2q00yUDXdrTjwpob2y1644 | adyykj | {
"description": "not going to my GF's families' Christmas",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not going to my GF's families' Christmas? | Throwaway account
My GF(25F) and I(26M) agree that her family has issues with picking favorites. The brother has had 2 cars bought for him. My GF's sister has had one car given to her. My GF was the first in her family to have to take a loan out for a car. Oldest brother had 5 years of college paid for, neither of the sisters did. Took an extra 4 years for my GF to get her license because she's the only child her parents didn't teach - she eventually saved enough money for an instructor.
GF just finished college and is trying to get a job together so she can scrape up enough money to make payments on school/car loans, and move out of their house and in with me - but as a teacher where we are it's been difficult.
Recently, my GF's mom had to give up her drinking addiction, but now the parents are taking vacations 1-2 times a month to go gamble. I can tell this has been affecting my GF. Especially because they ask my GF to "babysit" their dog. By the time they ask (maybe a day or two in advance) they've already planned the vacation and have "no other options" at this point. So my GF has to cancel any of her plans and stay at their house so they can go gamble. I've told her to just say no, but her parents are very good at convincing her.
The final straw came when my GF told me that her family was leaving to go gamble for the three days before Christmas. She'd be stuck at home alone watching a dog for 3 days, while I'm busy with the holiday plans that were already made.
We both agree that when she moves out she'll be much happier. My real question is about the fact that I didn't go to Christmas at her parents' house. I felt that they chose gambling over family, and would do so again in a heartbeat. I also felt that SOMEONE had to tell them "No".
I let my GF know ahead of time that I wouldn't go, that I didn't feel comfortable around her family, and that I was sorry that she was caught in the middle of it. I've also expressed a number of times that I think her family is still suffering from different forms of addiction and I think her agreeability is helping enable it.
She was already upset that she'd be stuck alone, and was feeling down about her family. We planned to celebrate Christmas at both families' houses on Christmas. She still came to my family, and has been very upset that I didn't come to hers.
Since then she's said that she's not going to tell me anything about her family any more, which I think also means she doesn't have anyone to vent to. Should I have put these feelings aside for one day and spent a few hours with her family? Or am I justified acting on the things she tells me about her family? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
Fho3eGI7PVEe2syqrlW7O4T3V3zHi8Id | 9u9660 | {
"description": "not wanting to have sex at the drop of a hat",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting to have sex at the drop of a hat? | I guess I should preface this with some info. I (20F) have been with my husband (21M) for several years. We got married last summer and live together at university.
We had a healthy sex life pre-marriage, but recently I haven’t been as into it (I don’t know why). My husband is always into it, and it feels like even minor flirting with him will end up as sex. I try to fake it for him, because I really do love him, but it makes me sad, and sometimes he catches on and gets upset. When I deny him outright (like he has told me to do), he goes and isolates himself, sometimes for hours. Lately he seems less into me, and I’m so scared.
We’ve talked about this quite a bit, and it usually ends with a decision for me to try and increase my libido. I really do try, and he says he understands, but it’s like he wants sex every night, and either I give it to him or we have a long conversation into the night and I’m almost too tired for class the next morning.
This is starting to affect my schoolwork and our marriage and I just don’t know what to do. I feel like it has something to do with his untreated depression and I always feel awful for not wanting to always have sex, because he spirals into an awful depressive fit more often than not. Am I the asshole?
TLDR: my sex drive is low, my husband gets upset and standoffish because of it, I feel obligated to fake it for him, and it’s starting to affect my schoolwork and our marriage | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
oF9Avmtt2xcj5bZOUq9DNOHXdbUJZjUR | b54muq | {
"description": "being pissed that my gf just bought her ex a new car",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for being pissed that my gf just bought her ex a new car? | Throw away account since I have friends who know my main account.
So just a little back story here, my girlfriend works in the medical field and is very successful, and she has no money issues whatsoever, so the price isn't what's bothering me.
My gf and her ex dated over 10 years ago and stayed friends after breaking up. They dated in their early 20s and now we're all in our early-mid 30s. I've never had a problem with him hanging around, and I've never had any reason to think they were still seeing each other. He comes over all the time and he's a chill dude, we get along fine.
Recently he'd been having car issues, and he doesn't make enough to be able to fix them all right away, and buying a new car was completely out of his budget. This is when my gf told me she was going to buy him a new Tesla model 3.
She's never been one to spoil him with gifts or give him charity at all, sometimes he'll stay for dinner but that's really it. So this was a big shock to me. I probably had a bad initial reaction when she told me because the first convo ended in a big fight. I asked her why she felt the need to do this for him, if she was still in love with him, had they been fucking, and a lot of things I really shouldnt have said. She just told me that what she did with her money was none of my business, and it was "the least she could do" for all the support her ex had given her over the years.
I think this is completely ridiculous. I get that it's her money, but this just reeks of a giant red flag. Spending $50k on an ex just because he's having car trouble is insane to me. She told me that I was being unreasonable and if I had such a huge issue with this, then we'd have to "reconsider things."
She already bought him the car and now is waiting on the delivery, and she and I haven't spoken in about a week. I've talked to some friends about this and its about 50-50 on whether I'm in the wrong here.
So reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
s19Iyy9afc0rxcCfmyh1S5geiuKNWCMK | atipzl | {
"description": "not feeling loved from the way my partner loves me",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not feeling loved from the way my partner loves me? | On mobile sorry - also. First poster but long time lurker.
My (F26) boyfriend (M25) have been together for almost a year now. At first it was amazing (definitely honeymoon phase) and that lasted a while. Lots of cuddling and intamacy (not talking about sexual). My love language is a Physical Touch with a dash of Words of Affirmation. His love language is solely Acts of Service. What started out as a very fulfilling physical relationship has turned to pretty much zero physical contact. I know he loves me, he says 'I love you' and he always cooks me dinner. He does the laundry so I have clean work clothes. He fixed my car in the middle of a snow storm. But he doesn't hug or kiss me unless I ask. And cuddling is right off the table. We sleep against either side of the bed. Its breaking my heart, and making me feel unwanted. I can rationalize it and tell myself he loves me but I dont't feel it. I'm having a hard time with the feeling of instant rejection when I go to cuddle in bed and he asks me not to. I know he loves me and shows it in his own way but am I an asshole for feeling terrible that I don't receive love in my own love language? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 12,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
YPzIGpwkYg1SX8rCYAahrfucJ3ugeYeA | a12ait | {
"description": "not picking up coworkers shift",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | Aita for not picking up coworkers shift | I work at a very small beauty store and started a few months ago. There are only two other employees, the owner, and an assistant manager. So last week the assistant manager called me and asked me to take one of the workers shift it was like two in the day and I was still in bed so I said “no I’m still in bed” I am friends with her so I figured I could tell the truth. The next time I come to work the owner says “did you and (the other employee) settle that beef?” I’m like huh and she went on to explain how the assistant manager had me on “speaker” and insisted I need to talk to the girl because she’s mad I didn’t take her shift because she has taken mine before. Aita? She only took my shifts because she needed hours not to help me and I don’t need hours so why am I wrong?? I feel like they’re looking for a reason to have problems with me and it doesn’t help that the managers are feeding into it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
JEKqAY6cngLYpPrGybmhFtpuLcJg3vTi | aruerk | {
"description": "not being open to a last minute surprise change of plans",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not being open to a last minute surprise change of plans? | My girlfriend left my place moments ago to get space. I think she left feeling hurt that I ruined what she wanted to do and me feeling that she ruined what we had planned with a surprise which could have been pleasant if it had been done differently. Am I the asshole here?
**Backstory:**
I'm 26 and she is 36. We've been dating for a few months now. There have been a few times where I felt she was unreliable with plans already made or things she said and didn't follow through with. There have been a few occasions where she wasn't ready at the time we had planned on. There have been a few occasions where she said she would call/message in a while and didn't. Or she would stop over when something was done and didn't. Or changed her mind altogether.
My previous relationship ended with me breaking up with my ex because she continuously blew me off last minute for other things. One time we were planning to see a movie and she said she would rather hang out with some friends. I wasn't invited and later came to find out they had gone to the movies. This hurt me deeply and to lookout for myself I called it quits with that relationship. It had become a pattern.
I shared this with my current girlfriend and on the occasions I mentioned above rather than bottle things up I let her know that it bothered me so she wasn't new to how much being reliable meant to me. I said it along the lines of I don't think there are a lot of things which bother me much but this is a sore spot and something that ended my previous relationship and with it bothering me could she please be considerate of that.
**Which leads us to tonight:**
I had spent the night at her place and before leaving to do some stuff I put out there that maybe we could do something later. She knows I've been wanting to go see a movie together for a while. As I was finishing up at the gym at about 9pm I asked if she would like to see a movie.
The conversation went like this:
Me: I could go for some chicken tenders and an ice cream cookies sandwich. What about you? (the theater has food)
Her: What time
Me: Would you like to pick? I know I'd like the tenders ice cream and you. Not too worried about which movie or time.
Her: Sure let me look :)
Her: Okay I picked that happy death day 2 at 10:30pm is that okay
Me: Yes, done.
Me: I'm home now going to have a protein shake. I'll be back over in time for the movie.
Her: Is there anything you want me to bring
Me: Not that I can think of.
When I was leaving the house I told her I was on my way and she said no don't go she is on her way. At that point I was in the car just down the street but no big deal I went back home. She gets over and comes in, sits down for a few minutes and I play some music. We were timing the movie to get there missing most of the previews. I was very much looking forward to and planning on being warm with a blanket at the theater and getting food there because I was hungry. As I was putting my coat on for us to go out the door she tells me wait. That I have encouraged her to speak her mind and go with what she is feeling. I asked what's up. She said she doesn't really want to go to the movie now and would rather do something else. She isn't sure what but will I come along for a surprise night. She mentioned going to a graveyard or some railroad tracks or out to a bar to get a drink and shoot pool. I told her that yes she is most certainly free to speak her mind but those things didn't interest me at the moment, my heart was set on getting food and being cuddled up watching a movie. I said I didn't want to be outside in the cold (New York) and we had gone out to a bar on Friday already. She asked why I couldn't be more open minded to surprises. I responded that I'm okay with surprises but I didn't like how last minute this was after we already had plans and were almost out the door. I told her I believe that had she instead suggested a surprise night earlier such as at 9pm when I first asked about seeing a movie, I would have been receptive to it. I followed up with, can we still go see the movie tonight and do a surprise something another time? She said no, she isn't going to see the movie now but I am welcome to still go myself. I said okay you can go do what you want and I'll go see the movie and I don't like that we ended up in this situation. There was some more back and forth at which point I likely would have missed the beginning of the movie so I changed to I would stay home and find something to eat.
**Change of plans:**
Let me admit I was upset now and took a snarky tone. She wanted me to go along with her for the ride and see what happened. I asked if we could still take care of me getting something to eat and not be in the cold. So there I am and we're in the car. She stops for gas and we're talking. I brought up again that reliability is very important to me and that I felt this was her being unreliable and reminded her that it had ended a relationship before. I'm not sure how rough it came across to her. I didn't mean it as a threat, rather I was distressed and urgently trying to convey how important this was to me so that it would be taken seriously. She said she would just take me home. I said here I am already with you, I can stay quiet if you like, let's just do what you want to do and make the best of things. She took us to Walmart where she proceeded to wander around and get nothing. As we talked while walking around she divulged that she had wanted to go to her father's grave but I had ruined that for her and she was no longer in the mood for it. I said I wish she had said so sooner, that I thought that would be a sweet thing to do and that I was up for doing that. She lost her father about a year ago which I am sympathetic to. I went on to say I would be honored to go with her and that I recognize the significance of her inviting me there. She reiterated that it was already ruined for her at the moment. I asked how long she had known this was what she wanted to do. She said it hadn't occurred to her that it was what she wanted to do until when we were leaving the gas station.
At that point I wasn't happy but was talking about salvaging the night doing something and said of all things I didn't want to just walk around Walmart. So we left and she said she would drop me off at home. I said we could watch a movie at my place, still go to the graveyard, go out for a drink, do something to end the night on a better note. She could come in or we could go to her place. Reluctantly she came in but just started cleaning stuff. We weren't doing anything together. She said I could start doing what I wanted and I said what I wanted was to do something together. She said I told you in the car I didn't want to do anything together right now and want space. She got her coat and left.
So from planning to see a movie and have food to being here writing this. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
gcWVlQZl55GepQJXzWeZVD3VU5qxbKLE | aus37b | {
"description": "telling my friend she's irresponsible",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my friend she's irresponsible? | Both my friend and I are 27 years old. Known each other for almost ten years now. College educated(she's almost done) and both live with our boyfriends. I've been with my guy for almost six years and she's going on only nine months with her guy. Last Sunday we got together, just she and I, and we started talking about our futures. Where we want to live, marriage, houses, babies, etc. Regular stuff people in their 20s probably talk about. So when we got on the subject of children, I said that I was in no way ready to have kids. Financially speaking for the most part. She kind of seemed surprised when I said that. She said she wasn't either, but I could tell she was forcing herself to say that. She also said it was due to money. She then proceeded to tell me that she isn't on birth control and had a pregnancy scare about two weeks ago. I asked her why she wasn't on anything and she said that everything she's tried messes with her hormones. Which I can understand. So I asked if she uses condoms. NOPE. She says they both hate them. Ok, yes its better without one, but for gods sake use one. So I said condoms are better than nothing and they can prevent pregnancy. She huffed at me and said, "well you know, if I were to get pregnant, Tim(that's not his real name) would be totally ok with it (insert uncomfortable giggling here from her) and I know my parents would help us out. " "And then I know he would propose too." (insert more uncomfortable giggling from her) Would they though????? And is she sure he would be ok with that??? Has she actually sat down with him and spoken seriously about this? She lives in a one bedroom apartment with him and can't afford internet or gas money, or money for going to a laundromat. Occasionally I invite them to dinner they say no due to financial struggles. How would she care for a child if she can't pay for food? It would be irresponsible of BOTH of them! How is she so nonchalant about the possibility of getting pregnant? That scares me as her friend. So I called her out and told her that she's being risky and irresponsible and it would probably be a mistake, and she should wait to have kids. She then left my house all in a tizzy and I haven't heard from her since. So, AITA for being upfront with her about this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
B5n9bDUW95CsKRKS5VE0IrHyCBkjxRbO | aba0ef | {
"description": "not putting the umbrella down",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not putting the umbrella down | I’m on vacation with my family and my sister and I decided to go to the pool at the hotel. We sit down at a pair of chairs under an open umbrella and stay there for a little. There is only two other people at the pool at this time.
My sister and I decide to go into the pool. While in the pool, one of the two other guys at the pool who is sitting close by to where our chairs are asks if we minded if our umbrella was folded up so the sun wouldn’t be blocked for him (since the sun was moving the umbrella was now starting to block the sun near to him). Of course we say we don’t mind at all, we’re in the pool rn.
The guy just then kinda stares at us, implying that he expected us to get out of the pool to fold up the umbrella (not one that we brought nor even opened) at our chairs for him while he is sitting 5 feet from it. This continues for 5 min or so until he says in a flustered manner to the bartender at the pool bar, “so sorry to bother you. We asked them if they would fold up their umbrella, and for some reason they won’t. could you please do it, so sorry that we had to ask.”
Obviously nothing so scandalous/important but it really bothered me cause it just seemed very passive aggressive and entitled to think that cause he wants the umbrella (that is the hotel’s and was up when we got there to sit under) down that we should get out of the pool and do that for him while he’s sitting there out of the water and close by. But i dont know if I’m over exaggerating and I really should have done it.
So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4vxFJngxBLMpeisdZ0GdZ4KC4aXFCcSZ | b8gicq | {
"description": "blocking my ex-fwb, current friend, without telling him",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for blocking my(28F) ex-FWB, current friend, (36M) without telling him? | Some background...
I met my(28F) ex-FWB(36M) about 2 years ago when I was in an open relationship and well lets be honest, he was stepping out on his own relationship. Long story short we fell in love and I thought we were going to have a relationship. We did not. I got over it and met my current SO who I could not be more happier with.
Even though we didn't work out, we still stayed friends ( he consider's me one of his closest if not best friend). However what he considers "friends" and what I consider "friends" are two different things. For him our "friendship" includes heavy flirting, reminiscing about past sexual experiences we had in graphic detail and hinting, covertly and overtly, about picking up where we ended. Most of our talk is me steering him away from these topics and trying to have a normal conversation that isn't NSFW or something I'd be ashamed to have my current SO listen in on. But he still continues and uses his charisma and charm to breeze past my boundaries.
​
Current times...
My former ex-FWB is , with his GF, coming back to CA to visit his GF family ( he moved to SC about 6 mos ago) and is heavily insinuating that he wants to have sex with me when he gets some free time and while my SO is at work. I oscillate between jokingly laughing off this talk or saying no, not happening but he keeps pushing the issue, saying it will happen since he "knows the effect he has on me". I finally get super fed up and vehemently tell him I am under no circumstances cheating on my SO and at best I will have lunch with him. To which we have the following conversation
"Well, I guess I'll just have to take it then."
"What do you mean? Take it?"
"Well, it's obvious you are putting up a fight because you don't want to feel guilty, so I'll just take it. This way you can just say you had no choice, thereby feeling less guilty."
"You mean you are going force me to have sex with you??"
"Not really since we both know it won't be force once we get into it but just a way to get things started. This way you can live with the secret so to speak."
We had more conversation after that but I can't remember most of it clearly but the gist was he's not above using force to get over my fake resistance.
​
I told my best friend about the convo and she immediately said block him and practically did it for me. However, I'm feeling like maybe I should have let him know why instead of just ghosting/blocking him, especially since he considers me a close friend.
​
AITA for blocking him after that phone conversation and not telling him?
​
Tl;dr: Ex-FWB wants to have sex with me when he gets to town and is willing to "force me" to get it, blocked him after what he said without telling him why. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 12
} | WRONG |
r2Esk4V6eLxYcLZ1wKpXmqNIo3SSXTX1 | abaqre | {
"description": "not visiting my dying grandmother",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not visiting my dying grandmother? | Background: Growing up, my mother and my father weren't the best couple; it was always off and on. I never truly liked my father, but some times were enjoyable. He has never really done anything to support my younger brother, me and my older sister. (i.e. one time he bought us a GameCube for Christmas and took it back the next day (never got it back) so my mother bought us one to make us feel better). Anyways, things like that my siblings and I got from his side of the family thought our childhood.
​
Fast-forward to me when I was 15-16 years old. I witnessed my father drive drunk with my baby step-sister in a blizzard. I was eventually subpoenaed to testify what I had witnessed. The baby's mother took him to court over custody. There I was, 15-16 years old testifying that I saw my "father" drive drunk with my baby sister.
​
During this whole thing, my father's side of the family basically disowned me, including my grandmother. They told me I would never make it anywhere without them, made me feel like shit, and haven't really talked to me since.
Since then, I moved away (3hours) to college, I am currently in the final semester of a Masters program. I am currently 25 years old and very happy with life, I have a house that I own, and a small family (SO and dog).
​
A few weeks ago, my grandmother got really sick and ended up in ICU at a hospital one hour away. No one from the family contacted me to let me know what was going on or anything - I found out from Facebook.
AITA for not visiting? I feel like I should, but I do not really know any of that side of my "family" anymore. I would feel awkward visiting and talking with them after what they had done.
​
TLDR: Fathers side of family basically disowned me at 16yrs old for something out of my control. Now 25 and grandmother is dying. No one has ever reached out in since disownment (?). | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
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"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
zx8MKSCe3WYkXquBttHa0hFH7OEOWIU8 | a3lc8f | {
"description": "not giving him another chance",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not giving him another chance? | My best friend told me that she is getting back with her ex-boyfriend. They broke up about a month ago after dating for six months. He was very sporadic on his feelings towards her. He said “i love you” after a week of initial dating, then said things were moving too fast. He was always flip flopping and she got sick of it and dumped him. When she broke up with him, he really freaked out. He said he was going to get his gun and kill himself. She also revealed to me then some troubling things he had done and said to her when they were dating.
He has a son from a previous relationship and he told her “I wish you were (son)’s mom instead of (baby mom)”. She also told me that he had made jokes about getting her pregnant and on one occasion had stolen and thrown out her birth control.
This isn’t even covering the fact that he was rude to me and all our friends the one and only time he hung out with us.
So anyways, apparently he has apologized for everything and admitted to her that he screwed up. She told me tonight she’s getting back together with him after a month of being broken up, and that he is MOVING IN with her next month.
I told her it’s a bad decision and it’s too fast and that i can’t stand him, he creeps me out. I told her i don’t want to see him unless he is actually proving to make positive changes.
She said that if she could forgive him, then why couldn’t i?
I want to support her but i think he is a monster. Am I being callous for not giving him another chance? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
JHYBKMOO8w2B44g5Miyd275W2hRz7FRw | auhe0u | {
"description": "walking out on dinner",
"pronormative_score": 192,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA??? For walking out on dinner | To start, I married into a large Mexican family and I am the only caucasian and American born woman in this entire family. My husband's family only speak Spanish, which I am not fluent in or even close. I try to communicate with them all but I can only speak very simple sentences and I don't understand most of what is being said to me. Belive me when I say I try to learn the language but it has been super hard for me to do so. Most of the family stop speaking to me once they realize I can't understand the language and with that I cease to exist. My husband tries to include me but after a bit he gets caught up with his family and I am left to myself, usually in a corner on my phone. Eating is a big part of getting together and and I try to include myself in the preparation but I am always cast to the side because I am a "gringa" and some how that means I am unable to cook anything. Tonight dinner has been prepared and as usual I have been left out, I am used to it so I just stayed out of the way. Time had come to eat and the table isn't large enough for everyone, seriously there is one chair and spot short, which means I am left out from eating. I was asked to wait until everyone was done and then I could eat. All the other wives are sitting with their husbands eating, talking and having a great family time. I am near tears, so I just got up and walked out and am now sitting in my car. I have refused to go back into the house to wait for my "turn" to eat, when my husband came out to get me. AITA for refusing to wait my turn to eat? Even though I'm sure everyone is wondering why I left and refuse to go back in. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 190,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 192,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
PKXJ9jSTBlxyliSpPMg3lynYa3l18Z6s | 9u9by1 | {
"description": "not wanting biological kids",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting biological kids | AITA
I was already 31 when I met my eventual husband. I’ve alway been very vocal about my feelings toward pregnancy and breeding in general. I don’t hate kids. I just don’t want them for many, many reasons. I also don’t understand why other people want them, but that’s off-focus.
AND I WAS CLEAR. This has always been an unwavering topic. So, we date for 2 years then get married. We are still on the same page at this point. (Again, I don’t hate kids. In the early years of our relationship, I talked frequently about becoming certified to foster in the future.) Fast-forward another 4 years and he keeps bringing up kids. After a few weeks, I finally asked him directly why he was pushing so hard right now. Well, it turns out it’s because there’s limited time left to have a child with me. WTF!? And then I asked him when i was ever unclear about my personal feelings. He said he figured I was joking or that I’d change my mind. What? I was 31 years old when he met me. I wasn’t some hormonal child. I wasn’t waiting to be talked into something. I’ve had OVER A DECADE to consider my decision. 1) I was always very clear about my feelings toward NEEDING a biological child. To me, it’s all very selfish. I don’t need something to have my eyes to feel love. What if I physically couldn’t have children? Where would our conversation be then? Also, now I’m 37 with high blood pressure and low income living in one of the worst developed countries for women’s health.
Since I’ve confronted him directly about his jokes and passing statements, he’s doubled down. It’s very much an ultimatum. AITA for not wanting biological kids? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 20,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
0L1q6Zgj3bpdV4mKSVKM9RnyhJ4x9KC7 | ahd1q2 | {
"description": "not agreeing with my mom",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For Not Agreeing With My Mom? | So a little bit of context, I’m a junior in high school. I’m in a government class and I’m discovering my own opinions on politics as I learn more about government and political parties. I live with my mother because I’m a high schooler and my dad works weird hours because of his job so he’s asleep when I’m at school and at work when I’m home. Because of this, my mom has a lot of say in my life, what I can/can’t do or believe.
My mother is a massive democrat, just like everyone on her side of the family so I’m kind of alone, and in her mind “everything Republicans do is an act of war and democrats are the only people who can save society.” I lean a little bit to the right on most issues, but for her any lean right is too much.
Recently she found out about what my political opinions are because she looks through my phone. She found that I follow Republicans on Twitter. She tells me that anyone who’s republican is racist and bigoted.
She consistently grounds because she thinks shouldn’t have the views I do. Am I an asshole for not having the same views as my mother? Is there any advice for handling my situation? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
3cuU4IUjiUbLqKWGKUpbK3o7tEgXoA6i | abofir | {
"description": "moving on quickly from a girl I was extremely hung up on",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For moving on quickly from a girl i was extremely hung up on? | So context is I was talking to this girl for about 6-8 months and her and i were pretty complicated... we flirted a ton and she told me how much she wanted to be with me and we would hook up and do stuff together on weekends but then she would go talk to this guy during the week and go on dates and talk about how she wants to give him a chance. Well after her messing with my mental by going back and forth for a month i decided i was done and i moved on... now i’m talking to a new girl and the old girl is acting like i’m a bad person for moving on quick... the old girl was someone i devoted all my time and energy to. i would constantly build her up and support her and give her my everything. i just want to know if i’m truly the asshole for moving on so quick | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
0KTZNesKu95hdwQq8QSukJ6jKDdIOcP1 | aj445r | {
"description": "wanting to invite this girl out, that both me and my friend is crushing on, him for over two years, me for about 4 months",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for wanting to invite this girl out, that both me and my friend is crushing on, him for over two years, me for about 4 months? | So there's this girl, as the titles says. The girl goes in his class so he has been crushing on her since we started high school, a little over two years, but he has never done anything about, asked her out or told her. For the past 6 months I have started to have classes with her as well, and I have too developed feelings for her, but I want to ask her out. I have tried to talk mulitilple times with him about it, but he just refuses to adress it. Also one of my other friends thinks it's alright that I ask her out since he have had over two years to do something and done nothing, so that makes it okay for me to ask her out. So AITA if just ask her out anyway with out talking about it with my friend?
TL;DR
Me and my friend both have a crush on the same girl, him for a long time, and me for about 6 months, I want to ask her out, and I have tried to talk to him about it but he doesn't want to. But I wan' t to do it anyway
Sorry if there's any grammar mistakes, non native English speaker here | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
mOVxfXOhTdfXSTzHI3cEOAFEoxh747Cw | a9dd9v | {
"description": "kicking a \"customer\" out of the restaurant I work in",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for kicking a “customer” out of the restaurant I work in? | So, it’s Christmas Eve and that means that it is literally not busy at all. We’re located in a highly populated city, and the restaurant I work in is downtown. Instead of restaurants that wait your table, we are like Chipotle or Panda Express when it comes to serving them. We have all of the food ready, you just need to select and we scoop it up for you to put in your bowl.
As my coworker is helping another customer, a man walks in. I greet him as usual and then he asks for food, saying that he’s got kids and they have been out on the streets for a while. He doesn’t have any money though.
Our policy is not to give out food for free, especially to homeless. The city has a high homeless population. Being that it was Christmas Eve, I said, “Okay, but only rice and veggies.” He asks for meat but I tell him that I can only strictly give him what I offered. He tries to make a case for it but the other customer that my coworker was helping offers to pay a little extra so I could add meat to this man’s food, we end up charging her and she leaves.
So, I give him his food and put meat inside. As I was making it though, he asked for more portions but it would cost more so I didn’t add any. He then, takes out and talks on his phone and doesn’t listen to me as I ask again and again what he wants in his bowl.
When I finally get through with making his bowl, he asks for more food. Obviously I say no, sorry I can’t. I already gave him plenty in terms of rice and veggies. He even asks for salt and pepper but we don’t have any.
As we hand over the bowl to him, he continues to ask for more and I finally ask him to leave. He calls me heartless and says that I will be awake at night since I didn’t give him food for his kids. While I acknowledge that my tone was not very nice, I asked him to leave. He asked why we are kicking him out of the store when he paid. I say, “Sir, you didn’t pay. The other customer did. You didn’t pay for anything. So I need you to leave now.”
He eventually leaves all while threatening to tell my manager about this, saying he would come back another day and tell her about me and how I was very rude to him. If anything, my manager would be angry that I tried to give away food.
Anyway, AITA for kicking a “customer” out of the store? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
MhgsKJe8s50rJspU1BTh2ihl0QNhkke9 | aqt3pc | {
"description": "picking up my gf from school with a friend on Valentines day",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA by picking up my gf from school with a friend on Valentines day? | Today's Valentines Day, as some may know. Now, besides never really celebrating it, I thought to myself it'd nice to pick up my gf from school, and give her a card that I've made her. I thought we were celebrating Valentines Day Saturday;we had planned to go to a ballet and get something nice to eat. But okay, today I had made plans to chill with my friend during the day, especially since 1) my gf had school all day
And 2) my friend and I haven't seen each other in a while, it was like the one of the few days hes free. I
Anyways were hanging, and as I'm spending my day with him, I'm realizing he's kinda lost and thinks about going back to school all the time. Things are going better for him, financially and time wise. So I thought "hey, why don't you come with me to pick up my gf, you can check out and see the school yourself. You'd be able to see if you like the students that walk in and out, and there's an open exhibit (I thought it was open until school ended, but less than half of it is always open. We get to school, and I text my girl (who, at the moment of writing this may very well be my ex) that I got to school. She had ended class early and I had only planned to get to her school 10 minutes before class was supposed to end. She ended up waiting 30 minutes for me cause she ended class 50 minutes early. Point in case, she gives the cold shoulder to me and my friend the entire ride home. We say by to my friend, we talk at her place, and she's saying I was rude an inconsiderate. I feel like she was being a bit too possessive and that scared me but I don't know if I'm being the asshol or not. She spoke with her mom, who's a therapist, and said that my gf's feelings should be acknowledged. While I acknowledge her emotions, I don't think it would've been ethical to not be there for my other friend, and hey, encourage someone to do something they're seriously thinking of doing but need some help. But maybe he didn't need help and maybe I was an asshole there too. Also, there was this inside joke inside the card I wrote her, but she found it offensive. HERE'S THE INSIDE JOKE : sometimes she says she loves me. I say "me too" and she's always laughed and said she "hated it cause it reminded her of the #metoo movement." I assumed it bothered her, humorously,of course.So I ripped up the card made her in front of her. And left her apartment.
TLDR: Valentines day fiasco involving gf. Something about not giving the proper attention. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
P9Mr1GCNpzzisZQo5jfeOEJ7kWFoDnWP | b454wj | {
"description": "getting defensive and maybe crossing a line",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting defensive and maybe crossing a line? | Hi all,
So for background, I work for a company as a junior IT person with 4 people IT people (one being my manager), all of which are more experienced than me by at least 3 years. They are all pals and are very much "lads lads" in that there is a lot of slagging eachother and "banter". I don't necessarily fit that crieteria since I'm kind of a girly girl.
I mostly get on well with them, but they can get personal very quick and it sometimes gets to me. They will "joke" that I'm bad at my job, I lack social skills, act condescendingly towards me and all of this, Infront of other colleagues who are not in their group which to me, makes it worse
At first I would take it pretty personally as I try my best at work, get a lot of praise from others about my work, ect. I learned to take it, laugh along and maybe sometimes fire back but never that much.
Fastforward to today, a girl who I'm friends with came into the office asking for help with her phone, that she needs to download a document from her phone, but she has no data. I offered her my hotspot, because I have unlimited data and it's no big deal.
The guys start making fun of me, saying I'm going to far out of my way to accommodate this request and I reply saying "it's no big deal, if I can help I will". They "joke" that I help people when I shouldn't (my manager included), bringing back an old case where the cleaner brought in a personal laptop, asking if I could get personal files off her broken machine, which I did because it took all of 5 minutes and she cried when I have her the usb with the photos on it.
In response, I said jokingly but kinda seriously (to my manager) "well I remember a time when you asked me to set up a work laptop for your wife to use, but it wasn't a problem then was it?"
Everyone mentioned the tension and acted awkward, while my boss laughed and joked I had crossed a line and some things stay within the IT dept.
Am I an asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
bWnlK7HtIKcroYDUnntISHjkHFwxF7Qp | anj2zb | {
"description": "asking for a Wi-Fi password at a museum",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For asking for a Wi-Fi password at a museum? | I went on a class trip to a WWII museum on a very famous WWII battle ground. We were in a large group and the museum was already pretty full so they crammed our group into a small room with a room with a pretty sad exhibit about the battle that had happened there. After reading through the whole exihibt we were still stuck in the room and I didn't have anything to do.
Because we're in a different country, I couldn't use my data or texting because I didn't pay for a travelling plan. So I pretty much just rely on connecting to public WiFi whenever I get the chance so that I can talk to my mom. Well I thought I was just in luck because I saw that the museum had a connection called "public WiFi". I connected to it and then it redirected me to a website where it asked for a password. Confused, I asked the lady guarding the door what the password was. She was happy to help me. After a bit of back and forth she determined that it was just a glitch and I didn't even need a password. She fixed it and I went on my way.
Well a few moments later a hear a girl from my group (that I had never talked to) going on about how "some bitch asked for the WiFi password". She went on behind my back accusing me of disrespecting the soldiers and being "too addicted to her phone".
I instantly felt bad but my friend reassured me that he would've done the same thing.
TLDR; went to a war museum, asked for a WiFi password, girl said it was disrespectful. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
CDGuMBLJsJcyTLwgqqOiGlXh5OEerJON | at4ppb | {
"description": "telling my best friend that I don't care if she's cold",
"pronormative_score": 61,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for telling my best friend that I don't care if she's cold? | I'm(20F) currently attending university in the US northeast, and I share a townhouse style dormitory with 7 other girls. The A/C in the house is controlled by 3 thermostats, one per floor. My best friend recently got a boyfriend, and he sleeps over in her room every night of the week (we have single rooms).
Some new girls moved in this semester, and they like it cold, so my friend and I bargained with them that they wouldn't move the dial past the middle mark between "Cold" and "Hot". Cool, we all agreed that if someone is too hot, they open the window in their room to let in the freezing air outside. Glad we could agree.
I noticed a week later that in the mornings I was waking freezing in a bed covered in 3+ blankets. I told my friend about how I keep finding the A/C dial moved to halfway or all the way "Cold". She casually told me that when her boyfriend comes over, it’s too hot to sleep, so she and he have been moving it down at night. I was baffled. She and I just told other people to stop freezing us, and she turned around and was the one doing it now!
This started in January. I asked her at least twice a week to stop for reasons including:
1. We told the other girls not to make it cold, so you shouldn't do it.
2. They agreed to open their windows if its too hot, why can't you?
3. I don't sleep in pajamas, maybe you guys should try sleeping with no blankets or clothes to reduce how hot you get.
Her corresponding responses were:
1. But I can't sleep when it's hot, and someone keeps turning it up in the morning, so then I wake up. (Plot twist I was the one who was turning it back up to half way)
2. Well <boyfriend> said that if we do that then the heat is just going to turn on more often, so I figured it isn't worth trying it out. (There’s no way of knowing where the temperature reader is)
3. Maybe sleep with more clothes on? I've slept in long sleeves and pants since I was little, and I'm not going to change now. (So why do I have to change?)
Fast forward a month, and I was convinced by my boyfriend to buy a space heater because this petty argument is not worth having for 3 more months. Now I'm comfy and warm in my room regardless of what the other girls adjust the A/C to. I even had a conversation with her about why I bought the heater, and she said she felt bad.
Today, she messaged me and said something along the lines of "ugh <boyfriend> and I didn't even sleep together last night, and the other girls turned the A/C all the way cold. so annoyed with them making it cold all the time". I just froze. Was she seriously complaining about other people making it cold in the house at night when she ignored my complaints for a month?
I responded "Well I unfortunately have no sympathy for you when it comes to the A/C bc you and <boyfriend> forced me to adapt to the cold, so the cold no longer effects me and I dont care about it anymore."
AITA for telling her that I have no f\*\*ks to give and blowing off her complaint? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 60,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 61,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
iIlz1DM3W3DHz0sFjIvBNaTH06nZQct8 | amoq89 | {
"description": "destroying my clasmmate reputation when he threw bleach at my right eye",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for destroying my clasmmate reputation when he threw bleach at my right eye? | So first of all to clarify everything, this happened back in 2011 when I was still on Elementary School. This kid that I'm gonna name Mario was one of my only two friends at school, I'm gonna call my other friend Luigi. So the reason I had only two friends on my last year of elementary school it's because I'm on the spectrum so I always been having these issues to get to communicate with people. Mario and Luigi were 12 years old and I was 11 yrs old. This is a long one :< sorry.
So me and Mario decided to make our science project together, Luigi pretty much decided to make his project alone bc he belongs to r/iamverysmart. And I don't quite remember what Mario and I were trying to acomplished but we kinda needed a wood little table, bleach and some other things I don't remember by now. We decided to make a test of our experiment at my house, the same day of the exposition (We had to go to classes from 12:10 m.d to 5:10 p.m that day) so he came to my grandma's house and we went to the backyard to get to work (We were basically home alone since the only adult at home was my uncle that has down syndrome).
We use some cheap gloves from a random supermarte to cover our hands, but after mixing everything the gloves started to melt so I got scared and took them away. Now, Mario takes one the gloves that are still melting and says something like: "Don't be a coward!" and throws the glove at me.
Me, obviously, a kid with asperger and no reflexes just received the glove in the face. More precisely mi right eye (For anyone that may wonder, My eye still works, but not as a perfect healthy eye, I wear glasses with a hell of an augment on the right side and a .5 on the left side). When I was hitted by the glove it hurted of course (mostly I felt my eye was on fire) and started screaming and crying, my uncle had a wonderful response to this, he took me to the shower (clothes still on me), go me into the water and made me wash my eye (Wich I did terribly bad but neither of us notice that).
After a couple of hours I decided it didn't hurt anymore and I was ready to go to present my project, but I was mad, I was gonna do it alone and without amy evil glove. Since the only two persons at home were a kid with autism and an adult with down, so we thought I was fine and cool for school (My eyebrows and skin around my eye were white, YES, fucking white).
When I got to the school the rest of my clasmmates were asking me:
"What happened to you?"
"What is it with your eye?"
And I didn't have a reason to lie so I just told them (Especific words, I remember using these ones):
"Mario threw bleach in my eye".
After that I went to sit down but the teacher called my mom to take me home. Mom decided it was cool to not take me to the hospital that day. Later that night my mom sended me to sleep but I felt uncomfortable and told her my eye was still hurting (I kept that to myself the whole day), she freaks out and takes right away to the hospital, doctor tell us I'm gonna need glasses for life and told my mom to not wait thatany hours the next time bc if she made sleep and took me to the hospital the next day I probabbly would have only one eye working by now.
The following year (The rest of it, from august to november if I'm not wrong) everyone stopped talking to Mario bc they were afraid of him bc I never explained how the bleach situation ocurred. I was mad at him for a week or so and then we started to play Pokémon together bc kids.
Am I the asshole for ruining the reputation of the kid that nearly made me lost an eye or did he deserve it?
The next year Mario moved to El Salvador, I stayed in Costa Rica and I don't know what has been of Luigi, probabbly showing off his 28000 IQ and claiming to be more powerful than Shaggy.
Sorry for any grammar error, as said, I'm from Costa Rica so I don't speak english that much. | HISTORICAL | {
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wDZqNCjaIw7FYBOtf9brjSuzQxyltuUm | ab1xc4 | {
"description": "not wanting to listen to my dad's rants about his work every night",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to listen to my dad’s rants about his work every night? | He’s had a job working in a lab for over 7 months now. Every single evening he raises his voice and complains about his boss, incompetence of his coworkers, his stupid newest project that he got assigned, etc etc etc.
It’s always him screaming at us (my mom, bro, and I) and 99% of the time it turns the mood from happy to super depressing or angry.
I’m usually a really nice person and like to listen and help other people but this is different. He never listens to our input or anything, and we just end up being these human statues that he yells at, and he always turns the convo to insult me or my mother in some way or another.
I know he needs to get out some stress from his workday but I don’t want to be his emotional punching bag anymore.
Today I finally asked him to maybe not only talk about work throughout dinner and he was furious, his reasoning being that “we’re simply having a family discussion” and “is it so wrong for me to talk about work?”
I couldn’t reason with him at all and ultimately he thinks that he’s completely in the right.
AITA for not wanting to listen to him anymore... | HISTORICAL | {
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q1DJyEKdxCwuBxKwTPydZbknTTLN6Q5t | awv297 | {
"description": "telling her to give the money back",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for telling her to give the money back? | Gf and I just moved in together. We both knew money would be tight. She only works part time.
Her father gave her a lot of money just to get us by. We were getting by just fine. We had a budget and went out 4 times a month on it.
I asked her to give it back. She thinks I’m being stupid. I don’t like being indebted to him when we don’t need to be. We are doing ok. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
OavbBR1z9X53GcCYOLh3wuLADA4D04ka | b62sur | {
"description": "dating and breaking up with one of my patients",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for dating and breaking up with one of my patients? | First time poster, long time reader
Bit of background info: I'm a doctor working in ER (Emergency Room) and as you can imagine it is busy at the best of times. It is hard to maintain a social life and go out to meet people.
A while ago, I treated a patient who had a benign condition (was discharged within 3 hours). Lets call her Sally. There was a bit of waiting time for lab tests and etc, so Sally and her young son were getting a bit impatient. I built some rapport with the two by playing with the kid (making balloon animals using gloves etc). All the tests were fine and she left with some paperwork which always has details of the treating doctor.
A few days later, Sally contacted me on instagram (she found my profile by the details of the letter) and basically said she was interested in me. I obliged and we went out on a few dates. Fast forward to about a week ago, we had been dating for 3 months. I had grown to really care for her child and I was falling in love with her. I finally introduced her to my family and told them the truth about how we met. Even though they really liked her, they were completely against the idea of us dating given how we met. My parents sat me down and explained why it was wrong and convinced me to call off the relationship.
After struggling with their advice and the feelings I had for my girlfriend I finally made the decision to break up with her. I'm miserable but I think ive done the right thing. Since then my phone has blown up with missed calls and texts. Sally's sister has messaged me saying that I took advantage of her and forced her into dating me even though this is completely untrue.
I cant help but feel that I shouldn't have broken up with her. I can understand why people would thing its unethical to date former patients, but im feeling really conflicted.
So reddit, AITA?? | HISTORICAL | {
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ghTlAnLKuUSRpFu4SkjS16UM2d1qvYlV | aaswk0 | {
"description": "resenting my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for resenting my best friend | This is a throwaway. Me and him have been friends for years and we've been through a lot. We know everything about each other and until recently, i've never even had a negative thought regarding him.
I think it's important to note that ive had feelings for him for a good while (im a male, we're both bi). I've generally just kept this under wraps as I didn't really want anything to jeopardize our friendship, plus i always had the general impression he didn't feel the same way. This led to a lot of heartbreak any time he ever talked in a romantic way about anyone, and any time he ever said he had a crush on anyone, i would feel destroyed.
These feelings created a giant sense of hopelessness inside me that stuck for a good while. Eventually I started to get over him once he started talking about some girl all the time and i realized i just had to move on.
He eventually got into a relationship and I genuinely was happy for him at first. The shock of this happening, strangely enough, actually got me to like myself a lot more, due to the sudden realization that im pretty much all i got. Ive always suffered through self esteem issues, so the fact that this helped me out just a bit felt like the bittersweet beginning to a new chapter. But slowly I've started to realize that he's been communicating less to not only me, but our whole friends group. He's also just stopped hanging out with me in general, always making lame excuses as to why he can't. It's as if I've just been phased out of his life and i was never there. Like I'm sort of footnote, like we were barely ever friends at all.
This created feelings of deep resentment. Its reached the point where I genuinely get angry whenever he speaks of his gf. And that seems to be all he speaks of anymore. Every time he makes one of his excuses for why he can't hang out, i want to scream at him. I used to think of him and it would genuinely make me excited, but now I feel as if he's someone completely different, and sometimes, someone I just genuinely don't care for. Is this just my feelings for him making the situation look worse than it is? I don't know, but tell me.
AITA for resenting my best friend that i also have feelings for? I don't think he's the asshole mind you, I just think he's caught up in the good feeling of his new relationship.
TL;DR: best friend in the world that im pretty in love with went into a relationship and started paying less attention to me and all my other friends, which created feelings of resentment.
| HISTORICAL | {
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bmGB6MxG4J3AVgGJDFyLQoqqsstfmztu | ao3zhy | {
"description": "taking issue with my boyfriend's family being racist toward me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 96
} | AITA for taking issue with my boyfriend’s family being racist toward me? | So I (27, Chinese-Malay) have been dating my boyfriend (24m, White British) for a few years now and things have been going well. His parents live up north so I had only met them on Skype.
The weekend before last we travelled up to meet them at their house (Big beautiful converted farm house. They’re loaded.) to have dinner at theirs for the first time.
But then I found out what’s for dinner.
Chinese food.
Of course.
And you know whatever. They’re old and they don’t understand how insulting it is to cook someone’s “ethnicy food” for them despite never even visiting the country so I just sort of brushed it off.
But it didn’t end there. When we were having dinner she literally asks me “So what do you think?”
And to her credit it was really, really good. I had no idea until the ensuing argument with my boyfriend on the drive home but she is a well respected chef and has worked in Michelin star restaurants has books and stuff. But that’s not the point.
So yeah this gets my back up a bit. So I snap back with “Yeah it’s great. But I’m curious what make you want to cook a Chinese?”
And she goes “I just thought you’d appreciate some home cooking. (Boyfriend) mentioned you missed it.”
And it is true that I’ve missed the food my mother cooks because I cook anything that can’t be microwaved really.
And I go “Oh? Home as in China?”
She replies: “Home as in, the food you’d have in your family home.”
And that’s where the Dad starts, totally inappropriately “(Wife) has worked bloody hard to make this right for you, sorry but I don’t think you can sit there and complain when she’s trying to make you feel welcome in a foreign country.”
At that point I was done. I was born in this country and have lived here all my life. I didn’t say another word, got up, took my boyfriends keys and locked myself in the car sleeping there alone in the cold until morning. He came out to try and get me to sleep indoors or even suggested we get a hotel but gave up pretty quickly.
The next day on the drive back was a huge shouting match. He literally called me a “Selfish entitled cunt” and I called him worse things too. Which made me cry I was very upset by that and still am and he won’t apologise because I won’t.
Anyway. His parents were incredibly problematic and were racist to me intentionally or not. AITA for not bowing down to their racism? Am I justified in being mad at my boyfriend for not only refusing to take my side but also calling me names? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
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} | WRONG |
3b8KzavW0fUztiCUCa74NfyXc2CgWhLm | b2g077 | {
"description": "wanting my brother to buy me a new laptop",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for wanting my brother to buy me a new laptop? | Hey guys, so this actually happened a few months ago. My mom was babysitting my brother's twins. I love those little boogers but don't like them in my room! One day I let them come in so we could watch TV together. I fucked up and placed my laptop on the floor right next to my bed next to the wall so that they wouldn't accidentally sit on it or drop it jajajajaja! Big mistake, THE GIRL LEGIT JUMPED ON IT like it was some sort of musical mat!!! I was so mad because they are 5 old enough to know what it is right?
I only mentioned it once to my brother like, "hey 'the girl' stepped on my laptop after I told them no running around in the room, you mind giving me half so I can get a new laptop" and him and his wife immediately thought I was the biggest douche for asking!! "They dont know any better!!" Should I ask again or should I suck it up because I guess I did initially fuck up? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
TOZH1GSzMD1FKbQ3F3dP0AD3Xi0a5DlI | ayhqnb | {
"description": "refusing to pay for a jacket I lost",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I refused to pay for a jacket I lost | It’s more complex than the title suggests.
A few weeks ago I went out to a popular West Hollywood club with several friends to celebrate a friend’s visit to LA from NY. I stupidly drank that night for the first (and last) time in many years. I have absolutely zero tolerance for alcohol so an immediate black out ensued. Immediate. According to photos and friends we had a great time though and all made it home safely.
A few days later I received a DM on IG from an older gentleman (he’s 40, I’m 25). He informed that we met and talked a bit at the club and that he also let me borrow his jacket when I got cold. Again I have absolutely no memory of most of the time night so I didn’t remember this person and I did not come home with a jacket so it’s obvious I drunkenly lost it. I informed him that I had lost the jacket, amongst other things that night and swiftly proposed to pay for/replace it. He refused and said it wasn’t necessary. I persisted and he insisted I didn’t have to pay for the jacket. Cool, right? No.
It became obvious very quickly that he was interested in me by an avalanche of “compliments” and very suggestive comments. Reddit, I would have never spoken to this man had I not been intoxicated. When he asked for my number, I told him right away that I’m not sure what impression I gave at the club but I had no interest in dating/being courted/flirting or anything similar but that I was willing to talk to him as a friend. He acted as if he was okay with that. We spoke here and there for the next few days and he simply couldn’t hold back the suggestive, objectifying, and flat out perverted comments. He was making comments about my body, a lot of what ifs, and just annoying things. I warned him several times over the course of the couple of days were were talking, that I didn’t appreciate any of that and had no patience for it. When it persisted, I basically told him to fuck off.
He then called me a rude bitch and is now demanding I pay for the lost jacket. Typical nice guy act. The way I see it he’s saying “I didn’t want you to pay when I thought I had a chance at screwing you, but now that it’s clear I don’t pay for the Jacket.”
At first I was willing to, just to get him tf off my social media and phone but after reflection I’m like fuck this guy. Would I be in the right to block him and move on? Or should I pay for the jacket? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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mpG6gDjBRY9FNjm90L8SNpmzfnBC1nFF | arllsg | {
"description": "wanting my busy bf to help clean",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting my busy bf to help clean? | The title may make things sound a little obvious but, there are some caveats to my scenario.
My bf and I are in our mid-20s, living together for a year now. We first had an apartment, then, I bought a house that we moved in to together. We had talked about this for 3 months beforehand and agreed on this process, him being involved in all the house hunting. He pays me to live in the house and half of utilities. We had some friends come stay with us last year, too, and they help a little with money, as well. Altogether, there are 4 of us, along with two dogs (ours) and a cat (the friends’).
Right after we moved in, I started grad school, which is primarily online, and my bf started a tough degree program that currently has him on campus twice a week, but he has two labor-intensive online classes as well. We both work full-time, he is at work four days a week and I work three days a week, but my work week is still 36-40 hours, depending on if I leave on time or not.
Obviously, because of our schedules, I am at home more, and I kind of have to be home, since one of our dogs is still pretty much a puppy. Also, my boyfriend is struggling with his degree, which has made him pretty depressed and kind of difficult to talk to about a lot of things. Some of his biggest complaints is that he never has time to relax, he can’t get into any of his hobbies, and we haven’t had a vacation in over a year; all of these things come up daily, in addition to how much he hates his job and is starting to think he picked the wrong degree.
Because I know how hard things are for him right now, I feel bad asking him to do anything. However, I’ve done laundry, washed dishes, and cleaned to some degree for about three hours everyday the last four days, including days that I worked 16 hours and work the next day. My bf was off or only has a short shift each of these days. The days I’m off entirely, regardless of if he is off or not, I clean about five or six hours a day. Last Sunday, for example, I deep cleaned our bathroom and living areas for six hours, all while my bf played guitar.
Which, to some degree, is fine. He needs time to relax and decompress! It’s just frustrating because he hasn’t done much to contribute to the house since his semester began, which stuck me with everything, despite the fact that I work more hours and also have schoolwork. I know it seems to him that I have more time because I am “off” more than he is. I don’t think being “off” should mean that I automatically always do more household work.
I don’t know how worthwhile talking will be, either, since his bad mood has made discussions difficult, as I mentioned. Last night, for example, I brought up that I’d washed dishes and cleaned the kitchen every night last week. His only reaction was “just stop doing it, then, I’ll just do it from now on.” Which is not what I was saying, I was trying to set up a more fair way for things to be done, such as if he cooks, I clean the kitchen, if I cook, he cleans the kitchen. But he just got on his phone and would not talk any further, making a big space between us in bed.
His actions are making me feel like I am the asshole, even if I make sure I am being non confrontational and try to ask if he feels like my assessment of the situation is unfair. He hasn’t spoken to me since I brought up the dishes last night, and it’s now 9:30 the morning of the next day. So, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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qXrv8utlUZZ2hL3z4qmNEIMFkSilKzJL | aku41k | {
"description": "'stealing' my friends prospective girl",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for 'stealing' my friends prospective girl? | Yeah I know weird title.
So my issues is as follows:
A very good, longtime (since 1st grade) friend (we’ll call him M)of mine, recently (about a month ago) introduced me to another one of his friends (lets call her F).
I found out that my friend fell hard for F some years ago, and has just not worked up the courage to tell F that he feels that way again, since the last time he was unintentionally kinda creepy about it (a whole other story).
Now in the following three weeks since I met F, I became very good friends with her, with us talking nearly every day. Nothing wrong about that right?
The issue arose last week, when F came over to my place to finish up a show we’d been watching separately. All was good, until a few episodes in, F repositioned herself to be cuddling up to me. And that was when I realized I’d fell for her.
So kind of without any real verbal acknowledgement, we are kind of together, and I learned a day or two ago from my other friend that F has liked me for a few weeks now.
At this point it is important to mention that no one knows about this besides me and F, so it’s totally secret.
But I know M really likes her too, and he never got a real chance to try and make it happen, and the more I talk about M with friends of F, I realize more and more that he had been subtly dropping hints of some kind.
And now I feel kind of guilt about it, kinda like I ‘stole his girl’, but the main feelings of being an asshole comes from the fact we’ve known each other for just over a month, while M knew F for years before I ever met her.
Am I the Asshole here? Or am I just being an idiot?
Thanks guys. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
5BVriH9bcVxK2PcC8ifni8R2Fe1DEK2y | ak50if | {
"description": "feeling like my girlfriend doesn't appreciate me and telling her that",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for feeling like my (20M) girlfriend (28F) doesn't appreciate me and telling her that? | We both have gotten new jobs recently, me a few weeks before her, and I get paid weekly while she doesn't get paid for the first month. Almost every dollar I have earned the past two months has gone into our living arrangement, finding a new car after my old one died, paying for groceries, basically taking care of every financial responsibility. She says thank you when I pay for things, but she doesn't really do anything else. I try to do dishes a fair amount, but she still gets on my case if I don't do them enough. I try to pick her up on time from work, but she still gets upset if I'm a few minutes late. It feels like I have given everything I possibly can, including working through the past 2 weekends to earn more, and yet she doesn't do or say anything to show her appreciation of it. I'm almost at the end of my rope here and I really need to know if I need to change, or if we just aren't right for each other, or what? So Reddit... Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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} | RIGHT |
USGGHrKiTmtQxfpPLpHvgZQZ67uCOOEC | a00x5o | {
"description": "not driving my family around",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not driving my family around? | Background info: I'm in the US, 17 and I have my 6 months on my license. Ever since I got my 6 months, my younger sister (15) has been asking me to drive her to and from:
-Choir
-School
-Church
-Home
-etc
The problem is, I hate driving and it terrifies me. I feel extremely uncomfortable driving anywhere because I'm constantly afraid that someone will hit me or I'll hit someone else, or that I'll do something illegal by accident and get in trouble. I'm not that good of a driver to be honest, and that just makes me more scared.
I get the feeling that my sister and my mom want me to feel selfish and bad about not driving her around, but it's not like I'm stiffing her. I don't drive anyone else. I feel like it's unfair for them to expect me to use my time and gas money to do something I hate doing for nothing in return (not that any compensation would make me more willing).
So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
lRe0jUkQjM2BrW0qM6Jip1Lb9qMWvDK0 | al14l2 | {
"description": "not saying \"bless you\" to the girl in the cubicle behind me",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not saying "bless you" to the girl in the cubicle behind me? | I just had this encounter not even 5 minutes ago at work with the ceo of this company i'm currently doing some work for. I was minding my own business zoned out working on some code(industrial robot programmer) when this guy comes into the area and this conversation basically goes down:
&#x200B;
CEO: Bless you such and such
Such and such: Thank you CEO
CEO: I was waiting for one of your cubicle mates to say it
Such and such: Yeah nobody ever does
CEO: Yeah I was waiting but it appears there aren't any real gentleman around here
Then he proceeds to walk off after giving me a cold look.
&#x200B;
Number one, I didn't even hear the sneeze and wasn't paying attention to anything but my work. Number two, I probably wouldn't have said it even if I did hear her. I'm not religious so I've never liked saying it. Also, I just think it's kind of dumb.
&#x200B;
So AITA or what?
&#x200B; | HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
Y9k6JRxQvPvynquvLBsg4TNzMAGVL4gY | a1zpb8 | {
"description": "not helping my brother move into a new house",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not helping my brother move into a new house? | I'm 19M and he's 21M. Today he's moving out from our family house and asked me to drive my own car up so that I could help him unpack. I agreed but asked if he could pay for my fuel since it's 50km away and I just got my first job and barely get any shifts, and am low on money. He's currently working full-time so I didn't think it would be a problem for him to pay the \~$12 fuel money since i'm taking the \~5 hours out of my day to help him out, but he proceeds to call me a selfish asshole and starts yelling at me to "hurry the fuck up now" and telling me he's never doing me any favours again, so I just told him i'm not going anymore and stayed home. Was it an asshole move to stay at home? Cause I feel kinda shitty about it since I won't be seeing him for a while, and now he's left on bad terms. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
TMmx7dCXh8NHW9TI2gw6hhvk3QDoghev | aq9kyh | {
"description": "being angry towards my father because he did not reimburse me",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for being angry towards my father because he did not reimburse me? | So, it is agreed between me and my father that he buys me the bus passes I use, and most of the time it goes well. Except, sometimes we don’t have time/forget to buy them, in those cases, I am forced to buy them myself, we have not any precise agreement about those cases, but we pretty much agree that he should give me back the money I used. So far he has not given me any money back, and since I am an unemployed student, my income is very limited.
This morning I was going to my SO’s place, and ran out of passes, I also happened to be out of money, so I asked him to transfer me the money I would need. He then became annoyed because I have used a lot of them recently, about 10 in the past 4 days. He also was annoyed that he needed to transfer me money, but most the money I had was spent to get passes. I hate spending money, so it’s not like I had spent all my money on other things.
I responded to his annoyance by telling him that it was because of him that I ran out of money, because he never reimbursed me for my passes. During this part of the conversation, I may have been disrespectful to him, but I don’t believe in my ability to judge this, I would be very biased. He told me I was being disrespectful, and I told him he was the one being disrespectful to me for not reimbursing me. He then proceeded to tell me I was not thankful for all he had done for me (considering he is my father, he has done quite a lot for me), and that I only see him as a source of money. Which both are false but may be the the impression I am giving out. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
1LTyhFj8BixsIeqHq5EYbpYH9e6r3t74 | b16jhx | {
"description": "not wanting to sit through a graduation ceremony",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not wanting to sit through a graduation ceremony? | I'm graduating from University this coming May. I've told my family that I don't want to participate in the graduation ceremony. My basic reasons are
1. It's in southern California in hot weather for some hours. School doesn't do shade since it gets in the way of photos. My family would have to sit in the sun, and so would I in a gown that makes the heat even worse.
2. I don't want to waste the money on it. I received some honors and the school makes you pay for them if you graduate. Literally just for like ribbon thing.
3. I have no sense of school spirit and I don't see the point in it if I just get my degree mailed to me.
My family wants me to participate for the following reasons.
1. I'm the first person in my family to graduate University. My family comes from poor villages in Mexico. My dad left school after 2nd grade to work to help the family. My mother left school after 1st also to work.
2. Its a special occasion that everyone else does.
Seriously ask me questions if any come up for you.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 2
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
3Uzf7TqC5K6O53t6usRN8Qz0qOaiI5dJ | ajh1oc | {
"description": "letting people at work struggle a little before fixing something for them, hoping they'll figure it out themselves",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for letting people at work struggle a little before fixing something for them, hoping they'll figure it out themselves? | I work in IT, and I'm often just walking through the office, and I see someone struggling to get something working. A printer, connecting a new monitor, navigating our intranet to reset their password, etc.
My instinct is to tap them on the shoulder and fix the problem for them, be the hero. It's not like I push them out of the way and take over. I ask if they need help first. But, I've come around to waiting for people to **ask** for help first, let them figure it out on their own when they can, and only swoop in when asked.
&#x200B;
My job is to make tech easier. AITA for letting people squirm a bit before I do? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
XRkm99kM5ezupV0BjNDMebWaWlhkhaJ8 | az0r3g | {
"description": "ghosting a girl after I saw her using tinder",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | WIBTA for ghosting a girl after I saw her using tinder? | First time posting and long time lurker and on mobile so sorry for formatting issues.
Anyways this happened really recently as in last night. I've been going out with this girl since valentine's and I feel like we've really hit it off. Our convos are fun and I feel like there's no boring parts or downtime.
So I took her out to dinner last night and she insisted on drinks after which I obliged. The beer was starting to make me have to go to the restroom so I went to do my business. However, on my way back I saw that she was on tinder and literally just matched with someone.
I was in a bit of shock and quickly sobered up and took her home and I've been feeling like crap ever since.
WIBTA for just ghosting her at this point? I don't think I've ever been disrespected like this in my life and just seeing her name pop up makes me angry. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
rTWZqgGeZ3gWlZrW6O7uT8T8HAqEZlco | av1ugy | {
"description": "lying to get out of a coffee date with a guy after finding out he's not as tall as I'd like",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 16
} | WIBTA if I lied to get out of a coffee date with a guy after finding out he’s not as tall as I’d like? | Hypothetically speaking: I met a guy on Bumble. We had a few sexy flirts by text and his pics look really great in his profile. We set up a coffee meet and greet this Thursday afternoon, with the understanding that I’m looking for an FWB. I found out his name so I did a little social media investigation. Looking through his insta I saw links to the crossfit studio where he works out. And his studio has a group picture of some of the members and trainers. That’s where I saw him standing in a group, not as tall as I thought from his Bumble pics.
So if I tell a little lie to get us out of this date so we don’t waste each other’s time, is it really that bad? I’ll probably say something like “hey I actually met someone really cool and he wants to try being exclusive. I’m sure you are awesome and the next girl that snatches you up will be so lucky!”
Pro: lets him off the hook with dignity, spares his feelings, no waste of time
Con: a lie
Counter-con: sometimes you have to lie a little to spare people’s feelings | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 12,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 24,
"WRONG": 16
} | RIGHT |
Va3VE3FYPwhghv5jTMM1HA9Nzzlj0z6Z | a9gm7d | {
"description": "being sensitive about D&D characters",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being sensitive about D&D characters? | I haven't confronted my friend about this yet, because I'm not sure if I'm just being a fucking idiot. This has been going on for a couple years now.
Whenever we start a new campaign, I almost always announce my character first. Then, when my friend announces his, it's always like he's trying to build into the same niche, but *more*.
For instance, when I announced a buff/healing build witch with a medical background, he immediately announced a hyper-heal specialist cleric. I thought, oh well, a little annoying that I never actually get to do my doctor gimmick, but cleric isn't an unusual choice.
Next, It wasn't so much a mechanical issue; it was "my character is a tiefling from [specific place], where she owns a house". Next thing I know, he's a tiefling that lives down the street from me, despite the fact our characters could quite specifically be from ANYWHERE in the world and didn't have to know each other. And I thought, oh well, no big deal, bit weird that he made himself my neighbour for no reason without discussing it with me, but it's not a problem.
The next campaign, he announced his character before me. I deliberately picked a different niche to avoid that overlap. Unless his character dies, he won't get the opportunity to mimic me.
We're getting ready to play another campaign (we run two at a time, alternating each session), and I announced my character before anyone else. We use some 3rd party mechanics that I won't get into, so I'll phrase it simply: I'm a "spear dancer" rogue-alike with heavy emphasis on social skills, a "face" type character, and being more or less a rogue I'm a skill monkey too.
My friend announces his character and he's... A skill monkey bard with high socials and specialising in spears. Sure, bards have a lot of overlap with rogues. They're CHA mains, so their social skills are high! But the spear speciality on top really makes me feel like he's muscling me out of my niche! He could be anything, and but he always picks something that's almost the same as me!
He's also on the spectrum, so I don't know if he's doing this deliberately or if I'm just being overly sensitive. But I'd like to just PLAY a character without feeling like I'm competing for my own gimmick for once! Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Cy1Rb5l8E8m18ziG6kterD8VOh9a7Tke | a4f1fy | {
"description": "making him quit",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for making him quit? | I had a co-worker, let's call him Tim, and Tim is annoying. Very very annoying.
Background: We work in customer service and Tim has to follow every single female customer he sees around. He flirts with them outrageously, and doesn't back off when they ignore him or ask him to stop. He has gotten write ups for doing this but we're critically short on staff due to holiday season so our manager decided to keep him on till New year.
Tim also walks around telling people he's a boxer. Flexes any chance he gets and talks about all the guys he knocks out at the gym near his house. He talks about all the women he's slept with constantly. Non-stop. He follows us around and just talks without break. If the rest of us talk about motorcycles, he talks about his "Hayabusa Ninja" immediately. if we talk about movies, he talks about his auditions in Hollywood non-fuc*ing-stop. You get the idea of what kind of guy he is. Always has to talk about how great he is.
You may think I'm exaggerating, I'm not. We all try to ignore him as much as possible, but it gets so hard sometimes.
So, to the fateful day. Yesterday I'm talking to a co-worker in our break room about starting to work out. I want to buy some workout stuff and I'm asking his opinion. Tim walks in towards the end of our conversation and turns to me and says, "no need to buy anything brah. Just let me train you on my level."
That was it. I blew up on him. I said something along the lines of "I'm tired of listening to you, shut the f up, f off, nobody here takes you seriously you massive tool." So Tim calls me an a hole and leaves the break room.
Today I was written up by a supervisor for harassment and found out that Tim quit this morning after complaning. I feel kinda bad. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
CNeZ9AVAfPKJKuJvoMFX9Fw3m38ocyN4 | a2htdm | {
"description": "returning a neighbor's tree limb",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for returning a neighbor's tree limb? | This morning there was a sizeable limb of a tree that had fallen down in our yard. It was very obvious that it was from our neighbor's tree that partly towered over our backyard. This wasn't just some easy limb to throw out, so we returned it to their backyard, considering it is their tree. They came back over to our house and yelled at us. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
Hdn1uCeZdu5HdOLaFypAiSeJJMMLbDuS | 9tj844 | {
"description": "thinking that black characters wouldn't fit in the new witchers series",
"pronormative_score": 87,
"contranormative_score": 80
} | AITA for thinking that black characters wouldn’t fit in the new witchers series? | I get why it’s being done. It’s produced in the US and has to appeal to the whole population, which includes a lot of POC.
What bothers me though is that it’s something based on slavic/europan folklore, which is a white culture, and I’m pretty sure that if it was a fantasy series based on african cuture people would get mad and say characters were being whitewashed if any white characters were cast.
I like the Black Panther movie and think that it’s right that the characters are all black, since it’s set in a fictional country in africa, and if they ever made a series about terry pratchett’s discworld, having characters from all races would fit since it has references to a ton of different cultures.
I just think that in this specific case having black people cast in a show based on european folklore doesn’t fit well. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 80,
"OTHER": 82,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 87,
"WRONG": 80
} | RIGHT |
aJiFtbNiZmL44ZP8XlwAIKZlCjObVcGu | 9vp38s | {
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend after she took me on a really fun trip",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend after she took me on a really fun trip? | Hey so this is fuckinggg me up mentally and I really need to know what other people think, although I’m pretty sure I have a good idea of my standing.
Essentially I met this beautiful girl on tinder, she was really cool, had a couple dates, met her friends. She was REALLLY into me (told me first date felt like a movie, has a lot of love for me, etc etc.) Now whole I really did like this girl, I’m in college, I work full time, and I have a bunch of other stuff going on I’m my life. I didn’t think this through and asked her to be my girlfriend early on because I could tell that’s the type of person she is, and she seemed kind of insecure I was going to ghost her or something, so I asked her to be my girlfriend. Mind you, this is my first real relationship. Almost instantly I felt like this was a mistake. I figured asking her to be my girlfriend would entail the same things we had been doing before, just that we were exclusive, and I did this because she was that person in my life at the time, and I knew I wasn’t going to be pursuing other girls so I guess I asked her out to ease her mind. I now know this was a terrrrible mistake but whatever.
Anyways we dated for a couple weeks and she was going to a festival in New Orleans with her friends and invited me. I payed my way for everything and chipped in whenever possible. The trip was a real test as our car broke down and we wound up hitchiking to NOLA, and really just had an amazing and magical experience throughout the entire trip, and I felt like we all grew very close, both her and her friends.
Anyways, my girlfriend, while I reallllly liked her, lived an hour away from me, so I didn’t always have time to see her (couple times a week at best) so understandably she wanted to text/FaceTime a lootttt. I’m busy, and again, while I really like this girl, I have other relationships with my friends and family that I cannot just drop to spend all my free time talking to her. Also, while I liked this girl a lot, I could tell she was Into me on a whole nother level. When we’d drink she would say things like “I’m not in love with you, but I love you” and then get really upset when I wouldn’t say it back. There were other things, but the gist of it is while I liked her, she liked me a lot more, and I didn’t want to lead her on. One day she got pissed because I had to hang up to go do something and while this happened frequently , it really annoyed me this time, and I took a day to really think about the relationship and talk it over with some people. Anyways, I came to the consensus that I wish I had met her as a friend first, but since we are way past that point, I needed to end it here. Because I literally felt like this girl was falling in love with me and I didn’t reciprocate those feelings, I didn’t want to drag her along and play with her emotions. I had a talk with her explaining my side and how I would love to remain friends, but right now a relationship is not going to work with me, and she didn’t seem to take it very well. (Almost seemed like she was trying to convince me not too)
I feel like a dick, but idk what to do at this point. We talk a looot less but it seems friendly enough. Have yet to have the final talk with her really explaining my mindstate, but I would just like to double check I’m not a compleeete asshole.
I feel bad breaking up with her just 2 weeks after she took me on a trip that changed my life for The better, but I know deep in my heart that while I like this girl, this is not the one, and she feels differently and I just don’t want to have her thinking I care more than I really do, as harsh as that may sound.
Oh and also she said earlier in our relationship that she would never have an abortion, and then got upset with me when I said I was going to start using condoms since she’s not on BC. Not sure where that plays in exactly, but I kind of took it as a warning sign and a clue that I may be doing the right thing here.
So anyways, am I the asshole?? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
bSrKxJt2VSgUGk2AHW1qPHnXpKE6orw8 | a9rwur | {
"description": "refusing to be around drunk adults at a party",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing to be around drunk adults at a party? | I’m currently sitting upstairs away from everyone while everyone is downstairs with loud music being obnoxiously loud. Let’s start the story.
I’m a 16 year old autistic girl, so I am sensitive to noise by default. My family wouldn’t let me stay home, I was forced to go to this Christmas party at my cousins and stay for 2 nights. I never wanted to go because all the adults get drunk and become really loud and obnoxious. I’m the second youngest and I don’t drink, though the youngest who is 15 DOES drink and get drunk.
Despite me never wanting to go, my family expected me to participate and not be upset. Last night I couldn’t take it anymore and just stormed upstairs and I’ve been up there since, refusing to talk to anyone who tries to talk, since the adults all start drinking as soon as they wake up.
I feel like I’m being guilt tripped into thinking I’ve ruined the party because I refuse to participate in anything with family. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
vZbwAQ3iD5NdnPOvuA08kRiNbojb7WmS | aniu61 | null | AITA Car Dealer couldn't wait 4 days for a 90% down payment? | My wife got into a car wreck on an icy road when a little old man (82) tagged her in the passenger-side back wheel. No injuries, everyone was going like 5mph. Her car was 15 years old so it was totaled out for about $1900. More than we deserved to get, lemme tell you, for that old 2003 rust bucket of hers.
&#x200B;
So, we started shopping for cars, spending the next two or three weeks cashing in stocks, savings, emergency monies and so on and so forth. Enough for about 80-90% of the price tag on a *2018 Chevy Sonic LT*\-- a serious upgrade compared to my wife's old car. All the bells and whistles, a spacious hatchback, keyless, you name it! Me and the entire family were thrilled with the idea-- and happy to get her OUT of that deathtrap so she didn't have an accident at 65mph, and not 5mph.
&#x200B;
We went to the dealership, told them our situation and took it for a test drive. It was like a dream. Soft, warm, 5-miles-on-it brand new. My wife fell in love with it immediately. When we got back, we told the salesman that we had one more check in the mail, coming in to combine with all of our monies so we could put down $12-13k out of the $15.8k needed to buy this new, luxurious, beautiful car. We test-drove on Friday, we would have the check and be ready to sign Wednesday.
&#x200B;
The dealer sold the car the next day, on Saturday, to someone else.
&#x200B;
TODAY (Tuesday, the day before our intended buy date), he called us wanting to know if there was some other car we might be interested in. I berated, yelled, and made very very sure he knew how unhappy we were. My wife didn't know what to do, since that was the car she'd always wanted, since college (not sure WHY a chevy sonic is her dream car, but I'm not a car guy so I dunno....) I laid into this guy, mostly out of frustration for how sad my wife was at the turn of events, and REALLY made sure he knew we would not be conducting business with him anymore, regardless of our car needs.
&#x200B;
I understand the idea of how unappealing "I will gladly pay you tomorrow for a hamburger today" is, and I understand he has to run a business, but the lack of empathy REALLY stings. My wife and I take very good care of our vehicles, so we might get two, maybe three cars in our lifetime. I understand he has a business to run and someone with a check in their hand today is much, much better than someone with a check in their hand four days from now... but I felt really betrayed and super, super pissed off.
&#x200B;
"Am I the Asshole" for laying into this guy really, really hard over the phone for dashing our plans two days beforehand, and not having the stones to tell us about it until the day before--- then trying to get us to buy something else from his lot?
&#x200B; | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 15
} | WRONG |
B0iAQGROMj4vPRnOpu4Wv2cBAYlU0ejN | apxzj2 | {
"description": "asking my mom to ask me before spending my money",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking my mom to ask me before spending my money | So just for some background, I'm a minor but I have a job, paid for my car, and was paying for this. I need to do some relatively normal maintainence on my car and buy a part that costs about $100. I chose one from a manufacturer that I know would work and was ready to buy it last night from a website that I trusted but my mom wanted to see if she could find something better.
So I see a message this morning that she bought it and I could pick it up. Whatever, it's $5 more but it's ready for pickup now vs shipping. So I talk to her to double check if it's the right thing, because it's not very easy to find the specific part because they're all very similar. I found multiple people on the site she bought it from saying it didn't work on the advertised car and caused issues, but also people that said it was fine. So she said we could ask the people at the shop about it, I agreed that it wasn't a big deal and everything was fine.
At the end I said something along the lines of "Hey, I don't have any issue with this purchase but in the future could you double check with me before making big purchases like this for me?" This resulted in an argument with her repeatedly trying to defend herself buying this part, which I kept stating I had no issue with, and calling me ungrateful. She refused to acknowledge that I understood that this part was confusing and I wasn't upset about this specifically and that it was just a general request.
Let me know if anyone wants me to explain something more because I'm genuinely not sure who's right here. Should I have waited or just not said the last thing at all? It doesn't seem like a disrespectful request or anything to me so, reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
uDEVmJTu3wavco65ZjQuZkc3CcIkaBHt | acdb29 | {
"description": "wanting to end things with my fwb because I dont have sex with her Anymore",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for Wanting to End Things with my FWB Because I dont have Sex with Her Anymore | Known each other for a year. To paint you a picture, she will call/text me over really weird things, like tell me that she's on a bus or randomly tell me about random things happening in her life.
This wasn't like this at all in the beginning of us talking. She said she was crazy at the beginning...and boy was she not lying. She seriously is a little off but I think that's due to her stressful life which I try to give the benefit of the doubt to her for.
Now she just talks to me about her problems every week, never about me ever. Oh and no sex for the past 5 months. I just want to see if I'm being a prick for wanting to completely cut her off and ignore her. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
iiKR3aYaeGD3djOIwRrPKwe8G6lAVdpX | 9v6zoc | {
"description": "almost getting my \"friend\" fired",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for almost getting my “friend” fired??? | To go into some detail me and the friend in mention (F) lived together last year, go to the same university and work at the same place (a very well known pub chain) hence we’re quite good friends.
A couple of nights ago I was working with F and her boyfriend and friends came in, nothing out of the ordinary they come in once or twice a week.
However when she was charging them for drinks I saw she only put some of the drinks she was serving on the till, and those were incorrect too, ie charging for a single vodka and coke but giving a double out.
Instead of confronting F about it I went to one of the managers who I’m also close friends with, he gave F a very stern telling to and F is now on her final warning because of this.
AITA for snitching on her? Or was it the right thing to do? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
CG3h91wTZMV7XvQtL9rI5Iv74MOUBA73 | ab988y | {
"description": "not letting my fiance take a loan out in my name",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not letting my fiance take a loan out in my name? | My fiance wants to buy a new computer, so he can stream on twitch. He's found a deal he's set on, but his credit is low due to some unfortunate circumstances, so he got denied. He asked me if I would take the loan for him, with him paying it all, not expecting me to pay any. The main problem is, I don't really want him to get this computer, especially since he has no money saved up. I said if he would save for a least a month or two I might actually do it, but he's set on getting it before February or not at all. When his mom got involved, she was really upset that I wouldn't just do it for him, and how if I was concerned about my credit that's not a good reason because his will affect mine when we're married anyway. That's not even why I said no, it's mainly because I *really* don't think I should get it yet. He wasn't even upset that I wouldn't do it he understood, but she acted like if I didn't do it it must mean I don't even love him | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
kXoj2vcWEYdhh0lik0MEiUqBZbRxMa9f | afsn8r | {
"description": "trying to distance myself from one of my friends because of my feelings for her",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For trying to distance myself from one of my friends because of my feelings for her. | I have this one friend who I haven’t been friends with for very long (4 months) and I started to have feelings for her but I know she doesn’t have the same feelings for me. So every time I see her I get really sad and I always feel down on myself when we hangout. Lately I’ve been talking to her less and not hanging out with her much because of this. She has gotten mad at me because I won’t hang out with her and I won’t tell her why. Just that there is a reason I’m not hanging out with her and not talking to her much and I can’t tell her what it is. I just feel like I need some space from her to figure out my feelings and get them under control am I an asshole for wanting to do that but not wanting to tell her I do have feelings for her? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
9xc9KwTSBCgJtb89fQIKvq2QABnSAkGY | a1d56i | {
"description": "not wanting to talk about horses",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to talk about horses | A friend a mine I’ve know for around 3 years has this strange obsession with horses. You may think I’m exaggerating, but I’m not. She’s completely obsessed. I overlooked it for a long time as we generally talked about other things but lately, she’s started trying to force me into talking about horses with her, even though I’ve told her it annoys me. Now in the past few weeks, she’s been bugging the piss out of me wanting me to come to this barn that she works at and “meet the horses”. She keeps sending me pictures of horses and the few times I play along, she just gets pissed off that I don’t throw away my entire personality and become obsessed with horses like she is. It’s fucking weird and I don’t like it. She knows I don’t like it and I find it extremely disrespectful that she keeps trying to force me into something I don’t like. I don’t force her into talking about stuff i like and she doesn’t, why don’t I get that respect? Am I the asshole for wanting her to STFU about an animal? Should I ask her (again) to stop trying to talk to me about horses? We generally get along well but any time she brings up horses my blood boils and I have to stop a conversation because I don’t want to say something rude. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
OCx7th28XfxI4WBp1SsRKaK4ASN8TunX | apo418 | {
"description": "continuing to see my sugar daddy knowing that he's married",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA for continuing to see my sugar daddy knowing that he’s married.... | Recently got a sugar daddy and he didn’t tell me at first that he was married. He said they weren’t together but that our relationship would need to stay private for various reasons. I was completely fine with this and wanted it to stay private too, Anyway, he told me the other day he lied and they actually are together. He travels for work and stays in his apartment in the week and then goes back to his family at the weekend, part of me doesn’t care, it’s kinda not my business and he pays me really well, another part of me feels bad cause he has a family...
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 10,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 14
} | WRONG |
6XeOMs201E2BeGNbnHGwIaDqgg8ERyKf | apm1s8 | {
"description": "trying to help a friend out of a potentially abusive relationship",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for trying to help a friend out of a potentially abusive relationship? | Using a throwaway because these friends know my reddit account.
For some perspective, my friends and I are all college students and are majority sophomores that all met here. At the beginning of our friendship, one of the couples in the group, let’s call them Jack and Jill, seemed to have an unhealthy relationship. Jill would continuously ridicule Jack, calling him ugly repeatedly and asking other members of the group to make fun of him with her. She would threaten breaking up with him and constantly hint towards expecting to break up with him anyway. In one particular moment, Jack tickled Jill while studying and when she moved away, her new laptop fell on the ground. She screamed and yelled at Jack even though her laptop was absolutely fine. She then ranted for like 10 minutes and cried for 30 more minutes after Jack repeatedly apologized and showed her that the laptop was okay. After that moment, she began blaming Jack for the next 3 months that he ruined her laptop, guilting him for something he didn’t intend to cause. Although I wasn’t there, one of the friends in our group actually witnessed her hitting Jack and crying about it for awhile, but she still got physical because of an argument. My friends and I started to notice how her words were affecting Jack and we were concerned for the health of their relationship and the relationship of our group because we were all becoming very uncomfortable.
It’s important to note that none of us felt that Jill would want to intentionally hurt Jack, we just thought that it was possible she was unaware of how she was affecting him and everyone else around her.
So, we reached out to Jack individually because he had asked if anything was up. We told him that we were worried that their relationship was unhealthy and he denied the claim. We asked him to hear us out and we listed a few examples of the things she was doing that we thought were unhealthy and we even used some of our personal experiences with abusive partners that were very similar (another reason we were worried). We wanted to tell him without her there in case there was a more serious reason to be concerned and she might’ve shot down everything we said. However, Jack proceeded to tell Jill who was very upset by the accusation and told all of us that her and Jack have a very open dialogue on the things that they might say that hurt each other in private. The rest of us backed off, telling her what we were concerned about but said that we were happy they discussed it.
Fast forward about a month later and Jill has sent lengthy messages to me about how uncalled for it was for us to accuse her of being abusive (which was of course implied but we were careful to not use that word) and angry that we spoke to Jack rather than her about the issue, expecting an apology. I explained to her that we would not apologize for looking out for our friend and that we went to him first out of a concern for him. She is claiming that we went into a situation we didn’t fully understand and she didn’t think she could be friends with people who could think she’s abusive.
Jack is fiercely devoted to Jill and also sent a message to each of us, calling us assholes who were rude and unfair to Jill, saying he would never want to be friends with us again because Jill deserved better treatment from us. All of us are confused because the whole conversation was for his safety, but knowing Jack is very attached to Jill makes more sense.
My friends and I feel as though we are in the right, but we want to hear more perspective on it because maybe we didn’t handle the situation in the best manner and actually are assholes. So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
bIeByZbwvmQZ7Ov59uDGAvFSD4xL2lDs | b0moec | {
"description": "asking my new neighbors to keep their kids out of my fields even though it hasn't been an issue yet",
"pronormative_score": 26,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA If I asked my new neighbors to keep their kids out of my fields even though it hasn't been an issue yet? | I live on a private lane with 5 houses, the one directly across from me just sold to a young couple with smaller (6 to 10 years old maybe) children. My property totals 10 acres split into 3 fields with a pond, a rather deep creek during the wet season, a dilapidated barn and a newer livestock barn. Also 6 horses and two giant breed dogs not accustomed to children. A kid's delight for a playground, a liability nightmare for me.
They are just in the process of moving in and so far they've been letting the kids just kinda run wild. They haven't made their way into my fields yet but I've seen them taunting another neighbor's dog and hanging on my fence so it's probably just a matter of time. I'm wanting to go over and introduce myself, do the whole polite welcome to the lane bit and ask them to please not allow their children to climb on my fence or enter my property. My boyfriend tells me this is rude and kind of a dick move and if I do that I'm not being very "neighborly" or "welcoming".
I see this as a safety issue. In addition to the pond, the creek and all the rusty old farm equipment in the barn I've got 2 horses that were late-gelded breeding stallions and can be aggressive if not handled properly plus with this being spring the mares are coming in season which escalates their behavior. Pasture squabbles break out, especially if the horses are competing for human attention or think treats are involved. A hoof to the head can be deadly for an adult let alone a child. In my state horses are considered an attractive nuisance same as a swimming pool. I am appropriately insured as are my animals, my fences are secure, my property is posted, my gates are locked. Fences are easily climbed though and signs have been known to be ignored.
With all that considered, I'd rather look like an asshole to these people than take a chance on their kids getting hurt or worse. My boyfriend thinks I should just trust them to be respectful of the fences and signage until they give us reason to believe otherwise. I'm rather apprehensive about this approach and of course would be very polite entering a discussion with them about this.
So, WIBTA if I went over to them, said her welcome to the neighborhood so glad to have you here and btw please don't allow your kids in my fields for their own safety? I'd find a better way to say it to them obviously. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 26,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
VZgOy9JNu0h1hu74ql8DKF5HF7fYSwHb | 9um6bu | {
"description": "calling a girl a slut",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 63
} | AITA for calling a girl a slut? | So this happened a decent amount of time ago but I finally want to get a definitive answer from randoms because people I know will just side with whoever they are friends with.
So basically, there is this one girl at my school, we'll call her L. L has basically continuously had a boyfriend since age 13. She sent nudes at 13, lost her virginity at 15, over the past 4 or so years she has dated 15+ guys that I know of. A notable thing is that she lied about losing her virginity for several months until she broke up with the guy she lost it to and he called her out.
Anyways, this whole incident started after a particularly volatile series of events in which L lead on a boy for about a month, the boy finally stopped caring and got with another girl who we will call D, and L contacted D's ex-boyfriend claiming that D left him for the other guy. Obviously, this created a giant rift between the two and via snapchat, they both started being super passive agressive towards each other and literally recruiting other students to post passive agressive messages on snapchat for them. The whole thing went down as legend.
Long story short, D had the majority of support, including mine, and L went into some kind of social exile. Anyways, literally a day after L had many of her friends turn against her, and she lost the man she was trying to go after, I get a message from her asking if I want to fuck. I thought it was some kind of joke at first, but it became evident that she was dead serious. In my eyes, I was clearly some kind of second. Some kind of backup that she would just go to if the first guy she was trying to get with didn't work out. Also I don't know if this really matters but I dated L when I was like 15 so it's not like this was a first time thing. So, instead of indulging her at all, I told her exactly as follows - "Fuck off you slut. Find someone else to deepthroat." Also I had a gf at the time, which I'm pretty sure she was aware of, but not certain. Now my question is, AITA for saying this? In my eyes, I feel that I was justified, but I really don't know given that words like slut can have so many connotations and be really hurtful. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 63,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 63
} | WRONG |
a8I0qWKj4sAXmZvzmDOohBr0KFcJgOe5 | a9hwe0 | {
"description": "not talking to my aunt because she sometimes acts mean to me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not talking to my aunt because she sometimes acts mean to me? | Most of the time my aunt and I get along and she can be nice even though she's really self absorbed but whenever shes tired and stressed she gets really mean and says hurtful things. When I was younger and used to stay at my grandparents she used to call me fat for no reason and she would just stare at me as I broke into tears and as a result of this I started starving myself. Now I've mostly put all that behind me but even now she still says mean things and makes me feel bad. One time I put on dark lipstick because I wanted to cover up the dark scars on my lips gotten from my lip picking habit and when she saw me all she said was "why did you put on lipstick, you look like a..." she didn't complete her statement but I just knew it wasn't anything good. All in front of the Uber driver. I felt so bad and embarrassed. Now I don't talk to her because I'm tired of being talked to like I'm nothing. She doesn't ask me to hang out anymore and one time she said that what ever she did that I should just keep in mind that she's a human being and she's not perfect. I feel bad besuae I don't like keeping malice but also I'm tired of being treated like crap. My brother says I should let it slide but I can't. Please help.
I'm 23 BTW. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
xdUW8iTlXpt3vEIzDg1hNceC8UScS7Ov | axblle | {
"description": "trying to help my cousin have a normal high school experience",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 34
} | AITA for trying to help my cousin have a normal high school experience? | I (20F) am in my third year of university. I have a cousin (17F) (I'll call her "V") who lives with her parents (my aunt and uncle) about a 15 minute walk from my apartment. I've been in university for the last two years, while V is still in high school.
We both have parents who are culturally and religiously conservative. While I was in high school my parents were very strict around issues such as schoolwork, dating, socializing etc. Beyond attending prom with a friend from church, I did not go to dances, parties or any of the usual high school social experiences. At university, I intentionally decided to live on-campus in an effort to start charting my own path.
I knew that V was dealing with a similar high school experience to my own, so I had her over to my dorm a few times in my first year to hang out, since her parents would permit that. In truth, I was also insecure about making friends and a bit lonely in the dorm initially. Over time she and I became friends with two of my roommates. We began to hang out together as a group. I think she appreciated having a chance to relax away from the stress of her home life. In my second year, my friends and I got an apartment off-campus. V would come along to parties and would come out downtown with us sometimes. It also evolved into me being a cover for her - where she would tell her parents she was visiting me, but really got a chance to see her own friends. We would coordinate our stories and ensure the same lies went to both my parents and hers.
By the end of my second year my friends and I would often go out 3 or 4 times a week. My life had become quite chaotic - I would often get home at 1 or 2 in the morning, completely drunk, and somehow crawl to class in the morning, sometimes having snorted something to get me going. Guys came and went too. I thought I was just having fun, but it was quickly unmanageable. V would hang out and drink with us and sometimes we would get high together. I treated her like another university student, as she was always so smart and mature.
This year I've cleaned up my act. My grades are up, and I'm in a much better place mentally. V, however, is not. The last few times we went out she was wasted before we even got to a bar. A few weeks ago when I had her over for dinner she was wearing the skimpiest dress ever and it was clear she was on something. Her insta is full of photos of parties and her in crazy revealing outfits.
This week her mom called asking if I can talk with V. She said she thought V was drinking and hanging out with boys. I think she only knows maybe 20% of the story. I avoided mentioning any of this history and just said I would talk to her about it. Another lie.
I know that she makes her own choices - she turns 18 soon. However, it feels as though if I had not invited her into my life, partially for my own selfish reasons, she would be in a better place in her own. I think it was too much too soon. AITA for enabling all of this?
&#x200B; | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 33,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 34
} | WRONG |
4H82bITKKmxEyOCXR8OxCMv0mopeH7zk | akllbh | {
"description": "making my Grandmother Cry",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For Making My Grandmother Cry | So my family is a bit broken. My grandma guilt trips me into spending time with her and constantly plays the victim as well as being a massive control freak. So last time I visited her she kept going on about how I am lazy and that I don't spend a lot of time with her and I snapped. I told her that she always annoys me whenever she says things based of of 0 facts or some random facebook article and it really fucking annoys me. I also told her that I only visit her because I feel obligated because she keeps pulling the "If I die nobody will notice until they smell my dead body" card and that made her cry. It's obvious she just wants someone there for her but the guilt tripping and being the instigator for 99% of the family problems (Her son -my dad- doesn't talk to her anymore and doesn't let her see his other kids -my stepmom- because she is really pushy and control freaky). Am I the asshole for not spending time with her despite her being close to death and if so should I be spending more than 20-30 days a year with her? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
61PtOq0B2VUotK9bHtGOjp5ADx4mUvXG | 9z96u3 | {
"description": "asking my girlfriend whether she's still willing to work on us",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking my girlfriend whether she's still willing to work on us | I'd like to preface this with a little disclaimer. I'm not trying to make either me or her the "asshole" I just want to know where a third party, aka relentlessly honest reddit, stands on this. This way I can find out where the problem lies so I can try to fix this.
&#x200B;
Me and my long-distance girlfriend are two very complicated souls for sure. She deals with the backlash of an emotionally manipulative ex-boyfriend and various issues with anxiety, depression and paranoia. I personally suffer from diagnosed moodswings, depression and I'm on the spectrum.
Discussing emotions, particularly negative ones, has always been hard for us. Especially if they are negative feelings towards one another. We both like to avoid confrontation at all costs which, of course, isn't healthy but it's simply how are brains are hardwired to process negativity.
Lately I've been trying to get over my urge to avoid confrontation and trying harder to work on our relationship. This involves a lot of internal confrontation with myself but it has also forced me to be more honest and open about my frustrations. One of which being that I feel like I have to dig to find out whether she is frustrated with me or not. This has led to me feeling insecure about myself and always wondering whether I am doing everything wrong or not.
IN HER DEFENCE:
I am a deeply troubled person. I've not been stable lately. Moodswings, work, school and issues at home have got me pretty fucked right now. To make matters worse I'm a pretty sensitive guy who struggles with regulating my emotions so there's a proportional chance I am making this way bigger of a deal than it actualy is.
&#x200B;
I love this woman to death and please, if any of you could help me identify whether this is solely on me or not it would be a tremendous help. I just want her to be happy and I want to be happy together.
&#x200B;
Thank you in advance.
&#x200B; | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
2abbXkb67wYyrUxIKx9cXc38sYVpRSu2 | ai69m5 | {
"description": "being mad at my boyfriend for not sticking to our Christmas plans",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for being mad at my boyfriend for not sticking to our Christmas plans? | So i know we are like nearly a month post-christmas but i have literally been stewing on this since then and I am no closer to figuring out if I am an asshole or not?!
&#x200B;
My partner and I have been together for nearly 3 years(anniversary in March) and he has lived with me in my parents' home since 6 months. He is very well accustomed to how my family operates, what is expected of us on events and how much effort goes into events such as Christmas, Birthdays, etc. I also worked with his Mum (how we originally met) so I know her pretty well and know how their family works and it is very similar to mine. Both of our Mum's put a lot of effort and planning in to events, it's very important to them that everyone has enough food, presents etc.
Last 2 Christmas' together we have been at my family home for Christmas morning and lunch, and been to his family home for Christmas Evening. This year we discussed and planned as i'm sure all couples do, and we agreed that normally we are still full from a late lunch to eat dinner, so this year we would do breakfast at his rents, and late lunch at mine.
&#x200B;
We arrived at his family home around 9am and did presents and all of that. We were told we were waiting on another family friend who was coming before we could eat. She arrives at 11am and the food starts coming out after some greetings, Lunch food, not the breakfast I was expecting. We eat, we hang out, we talk and laugh. All is well. It comes to around 1:30pm which is around the time I expected we would be leaving to go to my rents (we usually do late lunch at my place around 2pm, it's the same every year and my partner often jokes about the fact that its always a "late lunch around 2pm"). My partner gets another drink and is showing no sign of being ready to leave. At this point I am getting a bit anxious. I text my Mum and tell her that they can go ahead and eat without us, we might be a bit late.
My partners Dad starts saying "your Nan said it would be nice if you could go see your Pop today and play a game of pool with him, would that be okay?"
At this point I am ready to cry, my face has started to show my anxiety because my partner keeps looking at me and getting cranky because he can see I am upset. Without consulting me or discussing the situation, he says "yeah it is fine, we will go over there".
His grandparents only live around the corner so it is not a long trip, but we end up going there and not leaving their hous until 4:30pm.
My family are furious because they waited all day for us before opening presents and eating food, and had they known we would have been that late they happily would have arranged for Christmas DINNER. AND might I add that when we discussed plans with his Mum, she specifically suggested Breakfast because SHE knew we had late lunch with my fam.
Not once during the day did he check with me to see what time we had to be at my rents, or if we were doing okay for time or if it was okay we were running late.
So here we are, a month later, we haven't spoken about it since and I am still mad. I am mad that he had no consideration for my family and the fact they had planned their day around us, I am mad because he had no consideration for me and how I might feel, I am mad especially because I feel as though he knew exactly what he was doing and intentionally put me in that position because he knew I wouldn't say anything in front of his family on the happiest day of the year.
AM I THE ASSHOLE FOR BEING MAD? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
YdnHLf7LaJaqZt9KlfAejkW92ejxP6NO | avbxtw | {
"description": "choosing to cut ties with a friend for not liking dogs",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | WIBTA if I chose to cut ties with a friend for not liking dogs? | A friend of mine (not very close) told me around the first time we met that she didn't like dogs because I was showing pics of my dog around. I'm a huge dog person, dogs and my dogs especially mean a lot to me and as someone who also doesn't plan on having kids ever, dogs are like my children and I have such an endless love for them. Despite that, I have the capacity to understand and respect that some people don't like dogs that much or at all.
Flash-forward to the past few months, I've been feeling really homesick (I'm finishing school abroad), stressed because of highschool, and I've been missing my dogs a whole lot cause being around them would relax me. Since my other friends are dog lovers, I talk to them from time to time about my dogs and how much I miss them, sharing pictures and stories, and its kinda my way to cope as well. Usually, this friend would stay silent while we talked like this (understandable), but I started to sense that she probably felt left out so I decided to change topics or talk about it as minimally as possible.
Once she asked me why I loved dogs so much, and I decided to patiently explain to her why (they relax me, are really cute, etc). I almost took it as an opportunity to get closer to her in general because she and I were the most distant ones in our friend group. After I explained, she just shrugged and said in a joking manner "eh, I always liked cats better". It just felt so dismissive of the topic, and really rude considering I basically opened up to her cause my dogs have been such a big part of my life growing up. I felt that maybe I was just being dramatic and shrugged it off, but the interaction has stained my view of her ever since.
Recently, because it's near the end of the school year for me and I also have to start applying to colleges, my stress has been a lot worse and so I miss my dogs even more. Because of this I've been talking about my dogs a lot more, but I do try to be considerate and only talk about them to a select few friends at a time so she wouldn't feel left out. Even then, she'd still make faces at us when she'd see pictures of our dogs or overhear us talking about them and makes comments like, 'oh really youre talking about them *again* /u/byulkong?' or she'd express how much she doesn't get the appeal but it's not like we were talking to her or asked her opinion anyway, and not only is it really annoying but it's the last thing I need right now.
Like, what did my dogs ever do to you that you feel you need to assert how much you dislike them in every other conversation I'd have about them?? It's really starting to piss me off, and I just have no time or the mentality to deal with it right now. So... WIBTA for cutting her off? Or is it too much of a petty thing to do? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
96FWPliM9NwEfg1B9AK6NSUbPxDDGKEQ | 9zgozu | {
"description": "not wanting my older brother and his friends in the house when they're drinking",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting my older brother and his friends in the house when they’re drinking | (For context I am 15 yrs old) Every week starting from about Wednesday or Thursday (depending on if he’s working, which for the last couple months he hasn’t been) my older brother (24) binge drinks non stop until Sunday afternoon. As he does this he goes all over the place. From the pub, to a friends, to our house etc. and I absolutely hate when he’s in the house with his friends. They usually stay in the kitchen, and I usually stay in the living room. They can be loud and I don’t really feel comfortable when they are there. Not to mention there can sometimes be hash and cocaine, And can get themselves into a right state. My mum usually goes to bingo on a Thursday so a lot of the time it starts then. I tell her that I don’t like them there and that I feel very uncomfortable, but she just tells me that he has the right to have friends over and that I’m being horrible for not being okay with it. We have quite a big shed out in our back garden. It used to be lovely, but the years of partying and drinking in it has ruined it. My other brother and him sometimes go in there with their friends but not often. When I ask my brother or mum if he and his friends can at least go out to the shed to do their thing, my brother says that it’s too cold and my mum just gets stressed and tells me to stop overreacting. There is a heater out there, but it costs about €4.00 an hour and if they want to turn it on my mum demands they pay up. So they always end up in the kitchen. My mum also says that she’ll be home at 10:30 and will kick them out if they’re extremely drunk, but she never does. She’s a very naive person and can be a bit of a pushover. He also always says that its only him and like two people but more of them always end up coming in. When they’re there I feel so uncomfortable walking into the kitchen. So help. am I overreacting, or are my feelings justified? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Mcyi5mbcsVpJEkzljavvKlEbVf7EvWl5 | b2mry0 | {
"description": "helping my oldest sister with her wedding and not helping my other sister",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for helping my oldest sister with her wedding and not helping my other sister? | Many years ago I was a drug addict. I ended up homeless, penniless and majorly depressed. My older sister, Jane, told me to figure my life out and hung up on me. My oldest sister, Ann, drove down to pick me up and she gave me a place to stay. I think she saved my life that day. I ended up staying with her rent free for 2 years. During that time she also helped me in my personal life, kept me away from my abusive ex and addicted friends, found me a full time job and straightened out my life. I owe her so much. I'm thankful for all she did for me and that she didn't give up on me that day. It's been a few years since I moved out but we're still very close now.
When Ann got married I threw myself into the wedding planning. I wanted to repay her kindness for me. I bought and decorated her wedding shoes, sewed her daughter's dress for the wedding, baked her wedding cake, cupcakes and eclairs for her guests. I also DIYed her centerpieces for the tables. I was very involved in her wedding. Now Jane is getting married and she expected me to be as involved in her wedding as I was with Ann, but I'm not. I'm tired from working and I just don't want to bake a cake and other desserts for 70+ guests again. I told her she could reuse the centerpieces for her wedding but she wants completely new ones even though I kept them in really good condition. When Jane found out that I'm not keen on baking or crafting new center pieces for her wedding she complained that I was being unfair and showing favoritism. She tried begging but I continued to decline and said the reason I helped Ann with her wedding so much was to repay her kindness during the time I was homeless. Now Jane thinks I'm punishing her because she didn't help me out when I was homeless. That's not true. We buried the hatchet and forgave each other a long time ago. I thought I would ask strangers if you think IATA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
8VMxd3mPrOaocCxsZC1RigfqIEWudfew | a8u57y | {
"description": "not introducing myself to our new neighbors",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not introducing myself to our new neighbors? | Not long ago, my (now) ex-girlfriend, me and her teenage daughter were playing badminton in our front yard one night when someone pulls up in their vehicle. We come up to them at the end of our driveway and chat for a while. They're a middle-aged couple who just moved in a couple houses down, and they have a teenage daughter as well -- to which my ex excitedly introduces her own teenage daughter and welcomes them to hang out together sometime.
The entire time, I stood there awkwardly waiting for my ex to introduce me, but that never happened. I confronted her about it later, and she sternly disagreed with me saying that I should have introduced myself to the new neighbors. I was completely flabbergasted by her reaction, and I really didn't have much to say in response to her opinion on the issue.
I can't say I've ever had a situation like this happen in my adult life. I just feel that if you would introduce your daughter to someone new, then you would also introduce your long-term boyfriend, who is also standing right next to you, as well. But hey -- if I'm wrong, then I'm wrong. I would just like some clarification on this social situation.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
ed5RUgpgbmieyndOwEMpkyB4UKDIuqZv | ajechs | {
"description": "not going to my sister's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 42
} | WIBTA if I didn't go to my sister's wedding? | A few years ago, my sister watched some documentary about cows and decided she's not going to eat meat anymore. Okay, whatever, she'll get over it. But it's 4 years and she's more fanatical than ever. She doesn't drink milk and eggs either. I think it's stupid and dangerous for your health, and she's obviously missing nutrients, but she refuses to see logic and reason.
Normally it doesn't affect me, but she sent out the invitations for her wedding and told everyone that there would be a vegan caterer. This is where it becomes a problem. I don't eat vegan food. Never have, never will. The only people who are vegan are her, her fiance, and some of their friends. Our parents agree with me that she can't do this, and exclude everyone. I tried to talk to her about it but she said it's not about me, and I'm being selfish about her and her fiance's special day. Yeah it's not about me, but she's alienating everyone going to her wedding, and basically saying she's better than us. Why can't she just serve her and her friends their "food" and let the rest of us eat normal food in peace? How hard would that be? I want to put my foot down and tell her I won't go otherwise.
Who's the asshole, me, or my sister who refuses to compromise at all and make her guests feel welcome. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 40,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 42
} | WRONG |
KdWJf00jxCBNH7NZ8jdIZ3nnpoyLHGOI | b1egsp | {
"description": "making my husband go out on his only day off in a month, while he has a toothache, b/c it's a national holiday here + my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for making my husband go out on his only day off in a month, while he has a toothache, b/c it's a national holiday here + my birthday? | Trying to accurately represent both sides here. So today is a national holiday where I live and my husband got the day off from work. This is special because a) I also work M-F and he works weekends, so it's rare we have a day off together; and b) our 7-month-old was sick recently and he was the one who stayed home with her for, so he hasn't had a day off in a month as he has been catching up since that time.
Since it's a holiday and also my birthday tomorrow (but he'll have to work tomorrow), I wanted us to go out to lunch as a family. To exemplify how rare this happens, the last time we were able to all three go out together was in October. Yes, as in 2018. And *that* was our first family outing... so suffice it to say family time doesn't happen often and I want to take advantage of today.
He is refusing to go because he said he's tired from work, and has a toothache. Okay, so this is a legit toothache, but here's the thing. He has had problems with the tooth for a year. He does nothing about it (actually, he has to get it extracted and a whole bunch of dental work that we can't afford has to go along with that, so we're just waiting for the magical day we can save the money for that surgery until he can get the tooth out).
So while I understand that having a chronic toothache sucks, as does working all the time, I also think it's important to spend family time together. It's not like I'm asking him to take us on a huge excursion or anything. It's lunch. At a cheap café. Like, soups and coffee sort of deal. And he can't be bothered/tooth hurts too much.
This is the only thing I've asked for for my birthday, because we can't afford presents now that we have the baby and all. If we don't go today, who knows when the next time he'll have off will be. Could be months down the road before a day off for each of us coincides again on the same day and we can do something with our daughter.
I should add that he is an *excellent* father - at home. He does more than his fair share of babycare, housework cleaning, etc... But it all stops at the door I take her to daycare and pick her up by myself M-F (b/c it's on the same side of town as my workplace), I take her to playdates, I take her to baby classes and the park and basically all of her socialization outside the house is just her and me alone, whether or not I'm tired from working all week, whether or not I'm sick or have a headache or something. It's like at home we're this great family unit but outside the house I'm a single mom.
So who's the asshole here? Am I being unreasonable for insisting he go to lunch as a bday present to me (and to spend time with his wife and kid) even though he's understandably tired, and has a legit toothache? Or is he making a mountain out of this toothy molehill? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
7qxDP41E286F9ZsBadZO19cAAZ6AQ74I | b5kvm6 | {
"description": "not wanting to forgive my parents and maintain a close relationship with them",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to forgive my parents and maintain a close relationship with them? | I’m a 26 F and Indian. I grew up in a culture that prioritizes family above all but I’ve never been close to my parents. My mom used to abuse me physically, verbally, and emotionally everyday growing up and my dad would occasionally stop it but overall still let it happen. He was too worried about his own problems. I felt like I was punished for everything- getting less than a 95 on a test, my younger brother (10 years younger) getting hurt while playing, for eating an extra serving of food, for asking my mom for something after she and my dad had a fight with their families. I remember wondering everyday if today would be my last day on earth. Either they would end me or I should end myself and save them the effort
I could go on but there’s a couple incidents that I just can’t get over and I feel bad for. I was probably around 13 or so when my mom chased me around the house with a knife in her hand. She eventually got tired of running and told me to come to her instead so that she doesn’t have to put in the effort. I don’t remember what I did to upset her but after then I never felt safe.
I knew I was always unwanted. My mom used to always tell me that she could have left her miserable marriage had I not been born, or born a girl. I guess there’s a greater stigma of leaving a daughter than a son
I look around and everyone else around me is happy to be around their family. I put on a happy face but I just don’t feel like I can trust my family. They’ve done a lot for me like buying me a car, paying for some of my college fees, and letting me stay with them after I graduated. Everyone around me is telling me to forgive the past and put in more effort to be like those families. AITA for not wanting to do that? I’ve learned to be happy alone without them but they’re still family
Thank you for reading.
Here’s a TLDR for this long post: parents were abusive growing up. Relatives, Friends of parents and coworkers tell me that I need to get over it since it’s a part of parenting and try to be that happy family I want | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6iVBTO2YT1zRROsL1VoJFnyt9YQwyoqP | azu8fs | {
"description": "only marrying muslim girls",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 90
} | AITA for only marrying Muslim girls? | So okay tell me if I’m the arsehole here because I’m not really seeing what I did wrong
I’m from a very traditional background where it’s generally accepted you can date and fool around with non-Muslim girls but only Muslim girls are for introducing to your family and marrying
Since I’m still in university I’m obviously not ready to settle down yet so mostly I just mess around with non-Muslim girls
All this was fine until recently my current girlfriend tried make me introduce my family to her, I explained the situation and she basically went off her nut and walked out, now I can’t get in contact with her or speak to her
I’m sorry but when we started dating we never did so under the condition that you would meet my family, we never made that agreement, am I the arsehole here ?
I’m trying to deal with the situation peacefully but it’s been 2 days and I’m getting to the point where I want to just kick her out and tell her to find a somewhere else to live | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 90,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 90
} | WRONG |
uu8vpcInCeGmUWqvEd6rBbn3ffylvtKz | b66qk4 | {
"description": "not wanting to invite my fiancees friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to invite my fiancees friend? | Me \[33m\] and my fiancee\[30\] have been together for 5 years. I recently proposed and we are currently working on a guest list. She has a friend who has never really been nice to me, barely acknowledging me or speaking to me. My fiancee has been trying to distance herself from her, as she has demonstrated toxic behavior before. My fiancee has had many one on one conversations trying to be constructive but this resulted in her trying to self victimize and turn our friends against us. My fiancee has always given her the benefit of the doubt throughout the friendship but is exhausted by it always being about the friend. I don't want this person exacerbating our stress during our planning and potentially ruining our wedding day. After it seems like my fiancee has gotten over it, the friend is back to her toxic ways. I don't want her to come to our wedding, and my fiancee is having trouble telling her.
&#x200B;
What is a good way of telling the friend? Is this reasonable on our part? Would I be able to just tell the friend myself? I feel like I should step in because my fiancee falls for her friends bullshit and knows she has a tendency to do this, but it keeps her from truly ending the friendship. Our other friends have begun to distance themselves from the toxic friend, but she is clinging onto my fiancee despite not changing her behavior towards anyone else.
Tldr: is it fair for me to tell fianceés guest she isn’t welcome because she is not nice to me, the groom?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Sr0hTexjYr1QKxL8xFgtrnRaTy9O4mDN | a4vd0q | {
"description": "being a single, 40 yr old guy who refuses to be in a committed relationship",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being a single, 40 yr old guy who refuses to be in a committed relationship? | I'm 40, and though I have had some relationships, I've never really felt comfortable in them. I enjoy the company of others, and I enjoy intimacy and sex, but I'm a huge introvert that likes to spend much of my time alone. When I'm in a relationship, I start to feel bogged down and a desire to free myself.
In the past, I found myself in over my head in relationships, so I've learned to be honest and up-front with potential romantic partners.
These days, I just enjoy living my life (work, health, reading, finances, travel, etc.). I am still a generous, loving person who cares for my family and friends.
I sometimes have romantic "flings," especially with younger women. I am not saying this to brag -- I find that younger women are more open to temporary situations, and women closer my age often want more. I have dipped my toe into "sugar daddy" or "compensated dating" relationships too. So far, my experiences have been pretty positive.
Anyway, am I an asshole for being this way? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
86YjSHsWeibyuDsYLiNxHslBRGhZw6sU | acsc72 | {
"description": "threatening to show everyone nudes of my ex when she showed another guy nudes of her",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 21
} | AITA for threatening to show everyone nudes of my ex when she showed another guy nudes of her? | So this happened years ago when I was 18 and she was 17. (I'm 22 now)
I found out she showed another guy nude pictures of herself when I wanted to prank a coworker of hers by pretending to be her on her phone. Except there was a conversation above about how he appreciated that she showed him nude pictures of herself (in person), and she was like "No problem, I'm an open book". This was while we were in a relationship.
Obviously I was upset by this so I confronted her. She didn't say anything and just looked like a deer in the headlights she began to cry and I stormed out and drove home. I got a couple messages from her friends telling me how awful I am for walking out on her because "It was only 3 fucking photos!" and that it was apparently an *accident*. There's no way in hell I was believing that. These messages ramped me up even more.
I decided to message friends and group chats to tell them the news. In one group chat I said something like "Welp, now that that relationship is over.. anybody want nudes?", "I'll sell them for a dollar" and shit like that. (This is the AITA part).
I wasn't actually going to do it. It was just a heat of the moment joke.
The main reason I felt this was acceptable was because I wanted to make it bite her in the ass for being so "open". Kinda like a "How do you like it now?" type of thing. I didn't end up showing anybody any nudes.
This was a *massive* group chat with a bunch of people from our high school and a girl who isn't friends with either of us reached out to my ex and told her what I said. This girl was on my ex's side and turned a bunch of people against me. They even emailed my mom telling her what I said.
AITA for what I said? Who's the bigger asshole here?
TL;DR
Ex showed nude pictures of herself to coworker, I said on highschool groupchat "Anybody want nudes of her?". Didn't actually send nudes, and got hate from pretty much everyone except my friends. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 18,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 21
} | WRONG |
TcJy4MoBtN7SCqKVDIzbjr72nr59AVY2 | b2l7zi | {
"description": "unintentionally calling my maths teacher stupid",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for unintentionally calling my maths teacher stupid? | A few weeks ago I was in maths class and was asked to go up to the board. My maths teacher was correcting the way I was laying out the sum, and I wasn't sure why. She gave me some explanation that I didn't fully understand, and so I jokingly went "So I have to appeal to the examiner's stupidity?" Bear in mind, this teacher jokes constantly and is a very sarcastic person. She never seriously gets mad at anyone and is just a chill teacher. However, she took my joke as me calling her stupid (it wasn't even directed at her and even if it was, I wasn't seriously calling the examiner stupid).
She makes me sit down and starts screaming at me about how she won't take "being called stupid". I end up crying silently for the rest of the class, and despite me wishing and wishing she wouldn't, she asked me to stay back afterwards. I end up having a full blown panic attack while she's all like "Why are you breathing like that?" "I'm not mad at you".
According to her, all is forgiven and forgotten and it's not a big deal. Am I the asshole for unintentionally calling her stupid, or for just not being able to get over it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
CmOBuArAbYdQ1GIy2fNXjz5tOXs9b5QP | a71jl4 | {
"description": "considering giving away a friends furniture",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA Considering giving away a friends furniture | This story starts two years ago, I was moving into a new place and so was my friend's ex. Her ex had been using her patio furniture because she lives in an apartment with no outdoor space, but now he was moving and could no longer keep the furniture. She was feeling stressed because she was going to need to put it in storage, we live in DC so this would cost about $100/mo. She had shipped it over from Germany and paid an insane amount for it, so it had sentimental value even though it looks like something you could buy at Target. I told her my place had an outdoor space if she wanted to keep her furniture there. She said great and so began how we were going to get it to my house, she was talking about me paying for a truck and I told her, I wasn't that interested in the furniture so I didn't want to pay for a truck but if it could fit in my car I could help pick up. She ended up finding a friend with a minivan and delivering it. One year went by and I asked if she wanted it back and she let me know she re-signed her lease and still couldn't take it. Sure, I was fine having it another year. My backspace is surrounded by cement and not sunny so I, unfortunately, have never been able to make use of the furniture except to go out and wipe it down on occasion. So now comes around this year, I am moving and tell her on 10/23 that I'm moving out 12/20 and would need furniture gone by then. I send her a few texts between and she finally agrees to pick it up on 12/16 with her friends minivan. The 16th comes and I am getting berated with texts, it's raining, her friend bailed, she needs to rent a truck, are the cushions wet? She can't pick up because the furniture is wet and it will ruin the rental car (Who would rent a car vs a small moving van?). So she says she will have to figure out another day to pick up and asks about my move on 12/20, now I specifically lied about my move date because I knew this would happen. Who would want someone to come to their house and get in the way of movers. I told her I was moving Friday 12/21 and so she could pick up anytime until then but forecast is rain on Thursday so I'd recommend Wednesday. I don't hear anything from her. I then have a thought, maybe she doesn't even want this furniture, she hasn't actually used it in 4 years and I recall her thinking about selling it before I offered to take it. I send her a text, saying it seemed like she was stressed out, and if she didn't want it, I'd be happy to post it for free on a community site. I see the text was read with no response and an hour later send her another text asking her to let me know what to do because I'm really stressed with the move and want to figure this out. She sends me a super angry text telling me the furniture was a loan and how dare I think I have any right to give it away and that I better be drying out the cushions for her to pick up. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
pPJcg0CIrspbhC7qNgAv985B6rDvCTVy | a3tqdw | {
"description": "cutting a person out of my life because she keeps making the same mistakes",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for cutting a person out of my life because she keeps making the same mistakes? | So there’s this girl, I’ll call her A, that lied about this guy sexually harassing her I think for attention. So she said in a GroupMe or 20 that this guy was harassing her and stuff, but we eventually found out she was lying. She even admitted it herself. Now she has lied in the past too, about what I honestly don’t know because she is actually a good liar, but she has said she’s lied before. Maybe that’s a lie :/.
A while ago she started dating my best friends ex and he is straight up abusive, racist, and sexist. Now we told her this, but she kept saying “oh he’s different with me” and things like that. Eventually they broke up, she even said he said something racist towards her then said that he didn’t later on.
Another time she said this guy hit her and while he did, it may not have been as hard as she previously said (I don’t trust her anymore). I cut this guy out of my life because of this and the fact that he already made me uncomfortable, I just didn’t have a reason to stop talking to him yet.
Now recently, I said that I was mad at A to one of my friends, let’s call him B, and basically he didn’t know what was going on (this is just the gist of things, I can explain more if you ask) and he found out why via me saying something in a group chat. Now he is mad at A because of what she did, and then he and a few others talk to her about her problems and why what she did was wrong.
Now on the bus she apologizes to me, but I didn’t think it was genuine. So I said I can’t accept her apopgu because of that. Now this girl hears (mutual friend of A and I) and asks to spill tea, I said I’ll message her on insta because I don’t want the entire bus to hear. I just said that she lied about this guy sexually harassing her and that I think that she doesn’t understand that what she did was wrong. So A then proceeds to message me saying and basically said that I was trying to make her lose all of her friends. I said that was a lie because that wasn’t my intention, but then I realized that it may be what I’m doing without realizing.
I screenshots the accusation to a group chat (who also know about the situation and were already annoyed with A in general, the chat was actually made to make a secret poll to remove her from a chat on the day she lied about the guy just before she started talking). And we just discuss it.
While A and I are still talking she keeps saying how she’s trying to change, but she also said that with the previous things and hasn’t. She also lied about not talking to my friends ex when she in fact was. So I keep saying that I can’t believe her. She keeps asking for help, but I say that she isn’t going to listen. B and the others lectured her earlier, that was help. They talked about what she did was wrong and her problems, but she just said she didn’t feel well. So eventually I just said you can’t expect others to change you.
I’m sorry for this crappy writing my brain feels spaced out and I’m just so stressed from this situation. Please ask questions if you have any.
I feel either that I’m in the wrong or I’m being emotionally manipulated
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
V1aJLo7fBxonnvORJVNHUdnyOMOmRSv0 | ayz8ic | {
"description": "telling my classmate to \"chill the hell out\"",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my classmate to "chill the hell out"? | I'm taking an upper division philosophy course at university right now. We had to get into small groups and present our essay ideas (for our final projects) to our groups for about 10 minutes. After this is a round of feedback from each of us to the presenter. I am arguing in m essay of how ugly people count as an oppressed groups.
In my group, there were two other males and one female. After I presented my group, the female (let's call her Carly) REALLY didn't like some of the points I brought up, one of which was that ugly people have a harder time navigating social situations, including friendships and dating. She took that to mean that ugly people are owed sex and called me out for saying that "incel shit". Everyone else was quiet. I countered some of her points, and we moved on to the next presenter.
His topic was on how oppression is necessarily performed by individuals, not groups. Well guess what? Carly's essay was the exact opposite. After he presented, they went back and forth for quite a while. Then the other person in our group presented his topic. Carly was looking at her phone the entire time. After he finished his presentation, Carly was still stuck on the other guy's essay, and went back to criticizing that. Things got heated, and eventually, I talked over them and said "Look, chill the hell out and let the presenter get the feedback her deserves!" Carly glared at me and muttered "asshole". She did not speak to me at all afterwards.
Did I handle this well? Was I too tough in my attempt to restore order? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
JD7bCVyryvLLehV1sI6elD8UDvmGXj2a | a5txtr | null | AITA for how I park at work? | My office has a parking garage with slanted spaces which makes the rows one way lanes. I typically arrive earlier than most, so I take my choice of the spaces usually leaving one space between me and another car. I do this because I park better like this rather than trying to slide between or next to other cars. But I realize I'm creating the situation that I am trying to avoid by doing this. I realize that I'm at least being hypocritical, but am I the office building asshole for this?
&#x200B;
Follow up, I think the people who back into these spaces are assholes because they're slanted which defeats the purpose. Am I right about that? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4leK7sR3jzx1qRlB36kUyxGNdnWp2c8E | azmphl | {
"description": "being upset about the house my mom let me buy for 1/4 of the value",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA For being upset about the house my mom let me buy for 1/4 of the value | I don't want to sound ungrateful, my mom let me buy a house worth 100k for 25k and I really appreciate that. When we went through the house everything looked okay, the house needs some paint and some TLC. No Problem it's such a generous offer. My mom never told me that one of the bedrooms doesn't have electric ran to it. They told me it has all new windows, some of them are broken others are single paned. Two of the doors only have a chain lock. Some of the carpeted room, the carpet isn't even attached to the floor, it's just been laid on top of the floor. There isn't a hose spicket outside. The list goes on. I still love the house and I am super thankful that she is letting buy it for so cheap. My mom not telling me any of that upfront makes me feel like it was a sale to her not her helping her daughter. AITA for being upset that she didn't tell me so many flaws of the house prior to me buying it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
GDr0Fik3aRfoBkYz1sBZkSNcUrynGh9c | aufx2e | {
"description": "calling my bf out on his gaming habits",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for calling my bf (M32) out on his gaming habits? | Throwaway account. And on mobile. My apologies.
So my bf and I have been dating for about 8 months now, and things are going pretty well. His new job, however, leaves him tired pretty much all the time. He works early mornings (3am-11am) on weekdays, and I work as a bartender on Thursday-Saturday nights. I'm also a college student, so hanging out on weekdays is not really possible. So trying to find time where we're not both stupidly tired is really hard. We've worked out at least that he's the least tired on Fri/Sat nights so he doesn't have to wake up the next morning. So whenever I have a night off, I go see him.
The problem is we don't go out. When I'm at his place, I mostly just watch him play games with his friends. If I bring my PC over, we can play together, but otherwise I need to just find/bring something to do. We have an old Wii that I normally suggest we can play games together on, but often he refuses and goes back to his Pc. We do watch Game of Thrones together, but that's normally a few episodes just before bed.
Fast forward to last weekend. I was rostered on for the whole weekend, so I got someone to cover my Friday shift. I went over to my bf's place and...same deal. I watched him play with his friends. (I didn't bring my PC. Normally if I'm only over for one day I don't bother). It's pretty depressing to be sitting next to someone you love and think "man I would rather be at a job I hate right now." So I spoke up. I told him that I took time off work tonight to see him and that we should spend our time doing something together.
He got really defensive. Told me that he didn't think I wanted to do anything 'special' and that he just wants to play games. Anyway, he (reluctantly) shuts off his game, we make dinner together, watch some GoT together and then go to bed.
On one hand I'm happy I finally told him that it bothers me, but on the other I completely understand his situation. With his job, he doesn't have a whole lot of time to play games and I'm wondering if I was too pushy. I should've just gone to work and not guilt trip him for something that he likes doing, right? But I mean, I play games but I set time aside for them. My brother is a pretty avid gamer but when his gf comes over, they go out. I don't know if I was in the wrong for speaking up. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4PO3c0v0Ch4unWsHNT5RJyBdWQUtl0J4 | a2tn0v | {
"description": "getting upset over cancelled plans",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting upset over cancelled plans | AITA ? This is pertaining to two separate incidents over the past 2 weeks. Incident # Uno:
Its the first day off I've had since we moved in together a month ago and I've spent the whole day cleaning the house and preparing a romantic candlelit dinner for the two of us. 6:30 rolls around when he should be getting home from work and I finish getting the table set and give him a call to find out his ETA. He answers the phone and tells me he actually currently at dinner with a friend and forgot to tell me he made other plans. I ask him to let me know in the future if he's not going to be coming home after work at which point he gets mad at me for ruining his night out with his friend.
Incident number 2:
We made plans a couple weeks ago to spend today together as it was the only day in the past few weeks wherein we were both not working(we even added it to our shared calendar) . Im waiting for him to get home from his parents when he texts me telling me he's going to be going out for dinner with a friend at which point I remind him we had plans and he gets mad at me for not reminding him about it the night before and proceeds to tell me I'm a black hole and nothing he does is good enough and it's my fault he made other plans because I didn't remind him that we were supposed to be having a date night...
Am I the asshole for getting upset when he makes plans with other people and doesn't tell me about when I'm expecting us to be doing something together?? I wouldn't even be mad if he told me the day before but finding out an hour before we're supposed to hangout or as I'm putting dinner out is making me. Furious and so sad | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
geLapqJUzs5OiGWWK0BB0ngrJpBKTmMJ | a3fqhq | {
"description": "re-taking 'my place' in the HOV lane",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for re-taking 'my place' in the HOV lane? | This happened yesterday. Driving to a destination an hour away along a busy 2+hov road during rush hour. I'm in the HOV lane and things are moving slowly but they are moving.
We hear sirens and soon see a police SUV coming from behind in the HOV lane with us. This HOV lane is to the far left.
Everyone knows what to do and I and the other drivers immediately pull hard to the right entering the middle and clearing the HOV lane allowing the cop to pass.
Now it gets interesting; a minivan leads a column of cars that is trailing the police car about 50 yards back. The column of cars looks solid and they are moving at a fast enough clip that it looks like it's going to be a bitch getting back into the HOV lane.
Not wanting to 'lose my spot' I pulled back into the HOV lane. Now the white minivan was only moving about 20-25mph and had plenty of time to stop but I did not merge at speed, I effectively forced them to brake. I had my kids in the car but I felt that the white minivan had plenty of time to slow down.
I pulled in front of the white van and proceeded slowly, letting everyone else ahead of me get back into the HOV lane and we proceeded as we were.
Now I would NEVER do this in a normal traffic situation, but it really seemed like this column of cars was taking advantage of the situation.
Boy the white van was NOT happy. They laid on their horn something fierce. I gave them the bird out the window. They unleashed a tirade of invective. I could hear the woman clearly screaming that she'd kill me and that I was fucking dead. I gave her another bird and that was the end of it.
At the time I felt like I was in the right and fuck that lady for trying to ride behind the emergency vehicle and fuck the rest of us but I realize that maybe I'm the asshole here. What say ye all? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
F6zguKXX2ox6k0BYeBxaFpPLrQfdaYIW | b4rb8y | {
"description": "moving out of my parents home",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA For moving out of my parents home. | I am two weeks shy of 16, I have a part time job that earns me about $425 a week.
My parents are planning on moving into a tiny house this summer, and the one they are looking at is not one I want to live in. I would be in a twin sized bed in a loft with only a curtain for privacy. I am a light sleeper and my father is a loud snorer. I will have to get rid of or put into storage a lot of personal belongings, some of which I have bought with my own money. I value my privacy, and do not want to spend all of my time either outside or in the same room as my parents and 5 year old sister. I have brought these children's to my parents, but they're basically saying i'll get over it.
I have an older brother who has his own apartment and has already said he would let me live with him, but my parents have said no. In my state, if you are over 16, you can leave home without your parents consent. If they do move into that tiny home, I want to leave and go to my brother's. I wouldn't cut them out of my life or anything, it would be just the same as if I was moving out, just earlier than usual.
WIBTA for telling them this? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 4
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
yw3lhihbZV0TQVn3UHqh4nJissaYx95O | acgmu8 | {
"description": "changing the locks on my 23 year old sister and kicking her out of my house",
"pronormative_score": 32,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for changing the locks on my 23 year old sister and kicking her out of my house. | In May 2013, my husband and I agreed to let my then 18 year old sister live with us while she went to college. We are both 10+ years older than her and worked two jobs while going to school so we know how hard it can be. We told her she had five years max to get a degree and move out. No rent or utilities were ever charged, she just had to buy her own her personal items like toiletries and snacks. A year ago she informed us that she would not be graduating before the five year mark so we gave her 6 more months til Jan 1st 2019. She did graduate in December!!! However she is still here and avoiding us at all cost. Locking herself in her room, ignoring our repeated knocking on her door/calls/text, and sneaking in and out the back door. She hasn't spoken to either of us in 3 weeks. I don't think she has any place to go or any money saved but at this point I don't really feel sorry for her. I feel like I'm being used. I've called and made an appointment for a locksmith to change the locks on Mon. My family says it's terrible to just kick her out but none of them are willing or able to take her. Even my friends are saying I can't kick my own lil sister out on the street. Everyone says to give her a few more months but we already extended the deadline once.
TL;DR Agreed to let lil sis (23 now) live with my husband and I for free for 5.5 years until 1/1/19. That day has passed and she is still here and avoiding us. I have scheduled to get the locks changed on Mon. Do you agree with my family and friends that I can't kick out my own sister? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 31,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 32,
"WRONG": 12
} | RIGHT |
Gc0rDCTU1v1wBKiYQ2AvifYB4z7g7vBj | ata3zl | null | AITA for feelig hurt when my boyfriend criticizes my gameplay? | I’m gonna try and keep this kind of short.
I started playing Overwatch a couple months ago and I’m around level 90 or so now, not fantastic but I was pretty proud of myself for getting this far.
My boyfriend has been playing for a long time and video games are something that he loves a lot and are very important to him. At one point they were really all he had.
He has always been blunt with his criticism, but it feels like recently he’s decided to take on the role of a “coach” to try and help me improve, which, I do want to improve. But at my own pace.
I appreciate his help and most of the time he gives really good advice that’s helped me excel in the game beyond what I would have expected for myself.
But lately he’s been getting increasingly harsh with the way he tries to help me, getting frustrated. I can usually tell if he’sgetting upset, as his tone gets more adamant and he gets more impatient.
Today I showed him some of my highlights, and he said “yeah that’s cool but you didn’t even hit anything.” and that’s it. And to be honest it kind of made me feel discouraged- I was happy about my performance in the game and I wanted to show him, and I feel like I just got shot down.
A little bit ago we got into an argument because I was playing and he started grilling me about how I don’t know the range of my weapon, how it’s just messing me up and how I need to be better. I felt that he was being kind of rude the way he was speaking to me, and so I told him.
He got angry and started talking about how he’a just trying to help, that it’s just how he talks and if I want his help then I need to stop being so sensitive and basically, suck it up.
But it wasn’t about the criticism, it’s the way he’s saying it, speaking to me like I’m stupid and have no idea what’s going on. Maybe I really am being too sensitive but it hurt my feelings and it hurts that he doesn’t seem to care enough about that to just pay more attention to the way he’s speaking to me.
I don’t know. I hope I put in enogh details. What do you guys think? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
VHLwiU2qkoMOowOnWqTzqtWBECqYW53m | al6w8x | null | AITA for think my gf doesn’t care? | So recently it seems as if nothing I do or accomplish means anything to my gf. I recently underwent a procedure that she definitely knew about. We had talked about it a bunch. It wasn’t t anything serious but she hasn’t reached out at all. This is just one example. AITA for feeling hurt and unappreciated or am I overreacting? If I’m not how can I confront her without seeming like a pretentious prick? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 5
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
PtZDNwJ3ubFmgCYrLcmwbn8f2V7N6njP | b3q7ap | {
"description": "being uncomfortable with my dad's insistence regarding religion in our household",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being uncomfortable with my dad’s insistence regarding religion in our household? | For clarification, I’m 17, and I’m not a militant atheist, I’ve just never been interested in religion. My dad has been increasingly insistent regarding my “relationship” with God, and although I’ve told him gently before that religion is not for me (never resulting in a full-blown confrontation), he continues to almost preach at me with a pretty obvious lack of subtlety. Am I right in even thinking this is a real issue or am I an asshole for not just letting him be happy in his newly revitalized faith? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Auj7qZzFRBKTRVg8br3yt9o9xrlN7zRq | 9w5pci | {
"description": "not encouraging my gf to get plastic surgery",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not encouraging my gf to get plastic surgery? | I just don’t really like the idea of her getting a nose job, I think she is beautiful and I hate the idea of her permanetely changing the look of her face. She says she’s had confidence issues about her nose and that if she got the surgery, she’d be more confident about herself, but I just think we have all gone through that right? So idk, I just don’t support her decision and she’s worried that I might breakup with her. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
KbY79JaTtPFYTM5cEwgH3pSjZfaKjCcv | auay21 | {
"description": "being angry at my dad's rule",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA because I'm angry at my dad's rule? (And confronted him about it) | Sorry for vague title, I'll try to explain.
I argued back to my dad about a rule he has that I don't like. I didn't yell at him or anything but he definitely didn't appreciate me arguing back. I'm wondering if his rule is actually pretty reasonable and I was being a lil bitch by arguing back, or not...
I'm a 19 year old girl and my dad has always had the rule that whenever I see a friend outside of home I have to give him the friends name and telephone number, or I can't go out. I guess this is pretty normal. But I'm 19 now, technically an adult, and I feel really uncomfortable asking my friends if I can give their phone number to my dad... The reason I ask is because it has happened that he calls them, if I'm not picking up. (I almost always pick up my phone, except for the rare occasion when I didn't hear) My friends are 19-22 years old and find it weird if my dad calls them to ask about me or even just feel uncomfortable if my dad has their number. These are people from my new school that I hang out with but they're not THAT close to me yet.
I guess it's a safety thing. But I hate this rule and I wish I could see friends without giving him their number. I tried to tell him the reason I didn't want to do it but he said that I couldn't go out unless I did it and that it was absolutely necessary.
I know he cares but ughhh, I think he's behaving ridiculously tbh.
(Oh also, I've never been drunk or to a party or done anything "wild" to make him distrust me!) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
JiKI5grwwAcSMek6boq6i3TsRkSaruZG | 9wcttt | {
"description": "finding it weird that my so stopped initiating texts",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for finding it weird that my SO stopped initiating texts? | It’s long distance, we were having a super lovey dovey 3 weeks of texting back and fourth planning about the future. Sometimes she would initiate less sometimes I would, that’s fine.
Though for over a week I noticed she stopped wanting to advance convos and replies with one liners, additionally there was no imitation this whole time. So 3 days ago I decided not to text her and nothing happened, so I asked if all’s alright she’s just like ‘yup, you?’
After 3 days of silence are you kidding me? So I asked her didn’t she feel it was weird that we haven’t texted in 3 days, to that she said ‘no do you?’
This is coming from the same woman, who from the rest of the month couldn’t stop texting me every 2 hours without saying how much she misses me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Y9rywyL8wXL7a1h12EyoAzPrZn06whGm | ayk81r | {
"description": "not stopping to get my neighbor's dog",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not stopping to get my neighbor's dog? | So I'm driving home and see my neighbor's dog roaming the neighborhood. I barely hesitated before just driving home. The dog is kind of a douche and is usually left outside all the time, barking.
Of course when I get home I see my neighbors not looking for their dog at all or even worried that he's gone. I'm kind of hoping he finds a better place to call home. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
Bf4AwgqzGB2sNZfeIPRXP9kANOfcRszD | aoagje | {
"description": "not doing super-easy tasks for my sister",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not doing super-easy tasks for my sister? | My sister is almost always in her room and is super lazy, she asks me to do her stuff for her and even gets angry when I don't turn off her lamp next to her BED! When I was younger she took advantage of me asked me to bring everything to her. One time she even asked me to bring her the bathroom, SHE WAS THAT USED TO IT. She always feels entitled to my PC and forced me to put a password on it!
There's more but I don't like typing a lot so sorry if it's short. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
KbhI8lzJaKaETFYxp1Yh8KP553RQWmjC | b1kg3r | {
"description": "getting mad at people that tell me to donate my hair",
"pronormative_score": 38,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting mad at people that tell me to donate my hair? | I have a fairly long hair. It’s a bit up my waist and it’s also one of the few things I am confident with in my appearance. For the standards of the place where I live, it stands out a lot.
So, every now and then, people talk to me about it and the subject of cutting it always comes up. There’s two scenarios that might happen in this kind of conversation.
The first one is when somebody suggests that, if I ever decided to cut it, I should donate the hair that I’ve cut. That one doesn’t bother me, since it’s implied that I would have wanted to cut my hair in the first place. It’s clever, since it would be kind of a waste to not donate the hair, and I always agree with the person that I would do it in that case.
But the second scenario bothers me A LOT
Sometimes, people will just come to me and say “you should cut it to donate, since it’s so long”. I get uncomfortable in this case because I don’t know what to say. People just straight up tell me what to do with my hair and it makes me feel bad.
Also, how should I answer that? The person is suggesting for me to do a good act, if I say that I don’t want to, I will look like kind of a selfish person. I just don’t feel comfortable cutting it at the moment and the amount that I cut to maintain it is not enough to donate.
One of these days, somebody said it to me, with really similar words as those I used above. I got upset about it and told them that I didn’t want to because I was not comfortable with it. I also said to them that it was not a nice question to make. They treated me like I was an asshole and I have been thinking about it.
So, am I the asshole? Am I being insensitive or selfish? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 35,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 38,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
oD8qIYu4CvJJsE8hSqTx4xsBdLRFGxJl | as91gm | {
"description": "possibly rejecting one of my closest friends",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for possibly rejecting one of my closest friends? | Backstory:
Me and my friend, who I will call Emily, have been best friends for 2 years now and there has always been something between us. Up until a couple months ago when we kissed (FYI I'm 14 so yeah kissing is a lot more of a big deal then it normally is, and yes it was a proper kiss, not just a peck). Anyway she rejected me for her abusive ex (long distance and I think I is 16-17). Things were done between us until some other stuff happened...
So now to the point. My other friend who I am now something more than friends with (I am planning to take her on a date, let's just call her Emma to make things confusing) used to hate me and talked shit about me behind my back occasionally. So Emily tried to shut her up and defend me (I don't really have a problem with Emma talking shit about me or Emily backing me up). Emma kept hating me until we actually started talking to eachother as friends when there was a spark between us. We understood eachother in a way no one else ever has done before.
Now I'm a massive nerd and am in no way popular and have been told I am a nice guy and Emma can be pretty bitchy (sorry!) but she does have quite a few mental health issues and a lot of childhood trauma from parents and stuff.
So my friend says that I deserve someone better but I don't know, Emma has really started to seem a lot nicer and has started to turn her life around.
AITA?
Was Emily dropping hints?
What do I do?
I will answer any of the one or two questions that hit this post because why would it get popular? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
oDwYKt8EceNiv2nfNbbAatUStTrxivjQ | 9ucli6 | {
"description": "not reconciling with my abusive husband after 4 months of the 8 month restraining order even though he's been going to church and cries every time I see him and says he's super sorry",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not reconciling with my abusive husband after 4 months of the 8 month restraining order even though he's been going to church and cries every time I see him and says he's super sorry? | He is a narcissist. He was verbally, emotionally, then physically abusive to me through our entire 7+ year marriage. He knows all the cops and judges in our small town and I'm an outsider. Even had his name removed from police reports and got the early heads up about being served restraining order.
Now he claims he's changed and so sorry. We have 7 year old amazing daughter. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
iY4pwkMA5oeRlHvuZASCKocHBHEJNzaP | a44bai | {
"description": "thinking that my classmate is faking/exaggerating depression",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for thinking that my classmate is faking/exaggerating depression? | I sit next to a dude in class, and all he does most days is try to initiate conversation with people who are working. If someone asks him to leave them alone, he goes into tangents about how he is remembering "repressed memories about being bullied in school". He asks things like "do you think I'm depressed because of (insert reason)?" I feel like shit for doubting him but I can't shake the feeling. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
LXltc6igUStXEuXMAlOyT8q43C410jFR | b4yanv | {
"description": "asking a stranger to not publicly berate his girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for asking a stranger to not publicly berate his girlfriend? | Me: Male, in my hometown to help my mom do some stuff, decided to go to a local watering hole to see some familiar faces.
Other Guy: Male, off-duty bartender at said local watering hole, inebriated, seems to be well socially connected, at bar with some of his friends.
Other Guy and I have no previous history.
Other Guy and his girlfriend are having an argument, they are both visibly upset. Other Guy starts to loudly tongue lash his girlfriend at the bar. I sense the distinct tone of a man intent to crush a significant other with his words.
I tapped Other Guy on the shoulder and tried to tell him he doesn’t have to talk to another person in such a destructive manner. I’ve lost people I care about partially because I thought this was the only way to have my feelings heard. Other Guy brushes me aside (“You really want to do this right now?”) and I walk away.
Fifteen minutes later I return to the bar for beer #2. Other Guy’s girlfriend has left in tears. I meander about nursing my beer and eventually take a seat at the bar.
I look around to see Other Guy holding a shot, standing with his friends, staring at me like a junkyard dog two sheets to the wind. I’m not sure if he’s so much staring at me or through me with the thousand-yard stare of a traumatized war veteran.
This makes me uncomfortable. I ask why he’s staring at me. He drinks his shot, continues to stare, no reply. I don’t back down, ask if he really wants to go about this that way, and again ask why he’s staring at me and what he has to say.
Other Guy brings up our previous interaction. He tells me I don’t know the whole story. I try to explain myself, and he continues reminding me about how I don’t know the details. He asks why he should care about anything I have to say. I tell him he’s the guy making an ass of himself yelling at a girl on the verge of tears in public, and that I just want to tell him that he doesn’t have to hurt people.
This does not go well. He walks somewhere else inside. I drink a couple of waters and close my tab. I run into him on my way to the bathroom and attempt to apologize.
This doesn’t go well, at all. He believes I suspect he’s physically abusive. I don’t, things seem to go better.
He starts to tell me that I shouldn’t go about getting into other people’s squabbles. Others may be violent. He and his girlfriend have a history of mental illness. It’s 2019, and women have more rights than they ever have.
I try to accept his points and apologize while making my point that when you unleash these salvos on people you love, it hurts them. It hurts you. Eventually, an on-duty bartender steps between us and tells me to leave. I comply immediately.
When I get home, Other Guy is a suggested friend on Facebook. I sent him a message to apologize with no caveats. I offer to buy him a beer if I see him again.
Am I the asshole? I suspect we are both assholes. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
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