id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
9NWR44YwOUGCQigob0Ivlp6ep85MbDPA | aytnc8 | {
"description": "reaching out to an ex",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | WIBTA for reaching out to an ex? | So I (19M) broke up with my ex in May of last year, after nearly 2 years together (we started dating at age 16). It was clean, and we parted as well as we could have. Didn't talk, because I broke her heart and whenever I'd see her... Well her expression of pain was always difficult to bear. Maybe 5 months after the breakup I reached out to her to discuss plans with mutual friends, and she said she wasn't ready to see me. I've been living out of state since then, and am moving back in a few weeks, to go to school and work for the summer. I want to reach out, in another month, once I'm home. It will have been a year. I'm thinking of writing her a letter. We haven't communicated at all, but we have mutual friends. I don't know what exactly I'm looking for, I guess to see if she's moved on, and is living her life well. There were very good reasons for ending the relationship, but she was still my best friend for a few years, and she will always mean a lot to me. I'm not trying to rekindle anything, I just don't want to keep all those looks of pain from across the street as my most recent memories of someone who was very important to my life. At the same time, I know contact with me will cause her pain and stress, and I'm worried about that. I think a letter would offer some insulation from that, but I don't know whether my desire for some closure outweighs the pain I know I'll cause. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
ouhV3CRJxgseLsrch8vf5dzS6zuWs5rf | b403pf | {
"description": "fighting with my landlord against my roommate's wishes",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for fighting with my landlord against my roommate's wishes? | We've had issues at the apartment that the landlord has known about for over a month but not fixed. The most concerning issue to me is that we've been getting water in part of the basement when it rains. I'm super frustrated because the landlord doesn't return most of my emails and so I called a hotline that's run by a local organization to explain your tenant rights. They suggest writing a letter citing the law which says the landlord has 14 days to fix the issue or the lease is terminated and we have 30 days to move out. They even gave me a template which I showed my roommate. They also suggested requesting asking the city to do an inspection.
Here's where it gets uncomfortable. A few weeks ago I asked the landlord if he'd let us out of the lease early given the situation as I have another housing opportunity. My roommate was good with leaving early as well but the landlord said no. Now that I got advice about sending a formal letter and starting the process of terminating the lease due to the landlords neglect to fix the issues, my roommate said he feels like this is a personal issue between me and the landlord. My roommates doesn't want to do anything to pressure the landlord and I guess thinks I'm just doing this to get out of the lease early. I am moving out early regardless of what happens so it’s true I’d rather not pay for the last months rent. My roommate just wants to stay at the apartment through the end of the lease and live with the issues we've been having. It's obvious I think they're more serious issues than they do.
So am I being an asshole for pressuring the landlord to fix these things or let us out of the lease despite my roommate's preference not to take action? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
GT8DHpyvGe17OZ48ZR7RoJL4QhR1Q13g | anwyq9 | {
"description": "not going to my great grandfathers funeral",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA- for not going to my great grandfathers funeral. | This happened a few years back when I was fresh out of high school and was half way through my second semester of college. My grandfather was very old and suffered from a multitude of health problems, everyone in the family knew he didn’t have much time left so they tried to visit him as much as possible. I tried to do the same but couldn’t very offer due to my heavy school and work schedule and him living six hours away.
At this time I was suffering from severe depression bordering on suicidal. My then girlfriend at the time broke things off to pursue a much more attractive man as well as near this same time one of my childhood friends had just killed himself. Safe to say with everything going on I was not doing well.
So when i got the news that my grandfather has passed I was crushed. I had a great relationship with him since I was little and on Christmas he would always buy me a baseball cap with something funny, in that cheesy grandpa humor kind of way. My father told me the date of the funeral and to be there.
I made up an excuse that I was busy, I don’t know why I lied but at the time I didn’t want to say that I couldn’t handle anymore in my life.
My father was furious and called me a terrible person. I get terrible but I still didn’t go. Cut to afterwards. I was uninvited from all extended family get togethers as well as being ignored or pushed away whenever I made contact. At one point when I was home my dad had been drinking and called me a terrible son that never loved my grandfather.
It’s been a few years now and things are slowly getting back to normal but this has been eating at me for a long time whether or not I was in the wrong. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ssFRtjeSuAGfnmWv6mS99GV7ckqFflj4 | b0g5ig | {
"description": "resenting my disabled brother",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for resenting my disabled brother | I saw the story about the guy who cares for his sister and thought maybe this would be a good place to vent/get opinions
TLDR at the end
(Let me preface this with if my family should find this, turn back now. You already know, and making a scene because I told strangers won’t change anything.)
A little backstory: my brother (let’s call him A) is mentally a three year old. Physically he’s racing towards his 20’s and in an extended state of puberty.
The doctors said he would die in infancy, and every day is a miracle in my house. But every day for me starts at four thirty, turning on the baby monitor to listen for A, because he drools a lot and can choke on it. And often does. I’m usually able to get back to sleep, but waking up many times during the night to make sure someone helps him and hearing the noises he makes from so early gets pretty tiring. So from the start I’m pretty irritable. I’d like to mention real quick that he was born when I was pretty little, so I’ve been dealing with this pretty well my entire life. I’m his official caretaker now. ranges from smiling like the sun to digging his nails in and aiming for the face because of I couldn’t make his parents come home early. He needs special feedings every two hours, along with diaper changes. (As he’s a big kid and is actually pretty hairy, liquid poop is the worst part of my day) Not to mention he hates it, i would hate it if it was me. He has to be attended to 24/7 and we can’t go anywhere without him.
He drools constantly and likes to spread it around, and shrieks when he’s excited. When he’s mad he screams like he’s being murdered, needless to say it gets a lot of looks. When we do manage to get out, he has to have a long list of things that I hate dealing with. He’s been so spoiled over the years because my parents fear he could die any day now, and they tell me I have to let him get away with anything for that reason.
He dominates my life, I’m in my 20’s and living at home because a professional cna won’t do what I do. I live rent free for my service, with a weekly allowance, (and bought most things that I ask for within reason) and my parents insist to anyone who asks what I do for a living that I’m a babysitter or unemployed. My brother is the first thing I see in the morning and I have nightmares about him every night almost always consisting of me killing him. I feel like an awful person, and if I try to quit I’ll be homeless and he will have no one to care for him.
Lately I’ve been snippy, sometimes downright rude about it. I hate taking care of him, and his terrible attitude makes me wish the day we all fear would come already.
TLDR: my brother was born able to do nothing for himself, and there’s nothing else to do, but I hate taking care of him. Parents treat me like I’m 13 and pay me the same way. I dream about and often wish he would pass. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
PQloZmuHKOpWdP9GLWej2OaSx7J8qu4h | asfnop | {
"description": "telling a lady I wasn't in charge of an event",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling a lady I wasn't in charge of an event? | Little backstory, I was recently at an autograph signing for a sports team. There were many booths set up that had different players scattered around the mall. I went with my bestfriend & boyfriend but we all wanted to see different players so we split up.
I managed to find my line no problem and settled in for a long wait. A lady & who I assume was her granddaughter were behind me for the wait as well.
I suddenly felt a strong tap on my shoulder, so I turned around to see what was needed. The lady told me to tell some people way ahead of us in the line to move up because they were too spaced out. I obliged by waving down one of the many security guards that were around and explained the problem that the lady behind me was having, & it was taken care of. We moved uo about a foot. Cool. I turned my attention back to my phone & continued waiting.
Not even a minute later, another tap. I again turn around, & this time she is upset that it looks like a woman cut in line. I repeat the same process of waving down a security guard, explaining the problem, & turning my attention back to my phone.
I'm sure you can guess by now that a short wait later, another tap was bestowed upon my shoulder. I turned around again. She explained to me that she found it unfair that there were no posed photos allowed & I needed to find someone to explain to her why they werent allowed. I finally said "You do realize I'm not in charge of this event right? I'm here waiting just like you. If you want, I can flag down a security guard & you can talk to them if you'd like? I honestly don't know why posed photo's aren't allowed."
Her response? "WOW YOU DIDNT HAVE TO BE SO RUDE. WHAT A NICE CITY WE LIVE IN HEY UNBELIEVEABLE. I DIDNT REALIZE I COULDN'T ASK PEOPLE QUESTIONS AROUND HERE." Loud enough that everyone near us in line turned to look at her, and then looked at me as if I did something awful. I sheepishly went back to looking at my phone for the next hour & a half while she muttered under her breath about respecting your elders & a bunch of other shit.
I was honestly shell shocked. I mean, I'm all for helping people & going out of my way when needed but this lady was FULLY capable of flagging down the guards for all of her concerns, yet felt the need to get me to do it? I was never rude, I just explained to her that I literally have nothing to do with how the event is run.
AITA here? It's been bothering me all night. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
J5zancXLc6hLZRQgNgSRW62mnw2vSy8w | a4vi8h | {
"description": "asking someone to give up their spot because I have asthma",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I asked someone to give up their spot because I have asthma? | It is getting a lot colder and it increases the amount of difficulties that I have. I get dizzy and difficulties breathing. Sitting down helps and makes it easier to take my medication. During rush hour there are little to none spots left.
WIBTA if I asked them to please give them their seat? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
2dWXp9EPuKFdccmRYf1yQB32xgt3gSrp | b2khuy | {
"description": "moving out",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if i moved out? | i’m 18, and i’m considering moving in with my father.
i’ve always had a hard life at home, but things went to shit when i was around 16. my mom became abusive and neglectful. she left the family for months to be with her boyfriend and became a crackhead. during that time, i was the head of the household and had to care for my little brother and grandmother, who was also verbally abusive.
in her absence, i struggled to juggle my schoolwork and act as my brother’s new mom. my grandmother has always been a hoarder, and the house had become overrun with filth that i couldn’t clean by myself. we had bed bugs and severe financial issues, which were brought to the attention of cps. i spent hours clearing out the house so that my brother would be allowed home again, but also because we were in the process of being evicted and our belongings had to be removed anyway.
it’s about 9 months since we finally moved into a new apartment, and we are being threatened with eviction again because of my grandmother’s hoarding. she takes no responsibility, saying i should clean up the mess for her. she would rather endanger her whole family with the risk of homelessness than take accountability and move out.
my brother is eleven now. as stupid as it may sound considering our age difference, he physically abuses me. i’m underweight and not very strong. he is about my height and weighs more than me. he hits me almost every day and threatens me with sharp objects. i have to protect both myself and my mother from him. he has nearly pushed her down the stairs.
i have to break up their fights daily. although my mom has been awful to me, we do love each other, and i fear for her. she has self destructive tendencies and i’m often the one who has to babysit her when she’s drunk or when she threatens to run away or hurt herself.
i’m miserable. but i fear that if i move out, my brother will hurt himself or my mother, or my mother will end up hurting herself. (my grandmother is also extremely controlling and hardly lets me leave the house. i know she shouldn’t have this power over me and my mother, but she has always been this way, and she is the only one in the house with a license, so she exercises more power than she should over us.)
i know they will be able to find a new apartment, should it come to that. i know my grandmother should find a place for herself, or be committed to a retirement home. i know my mother and brother should be in therapy. but, i can’t enact all of that myself. i feel so selfish trying to leave this situation. if something happened to them that i could have prevented, i wouldn’t be able to live with myself. though i want to be able to live with normal parents, and eat enough to put on more weight and take care of myself.
AITA if i move out while things are the way they are? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
qKK5nQw4PVcmgZwGzQKB6dwigq9NcTJd | audyac | {
"description": "telling a little white lie so the children feels better about me dating their dad",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 24
} | AITA for telling a little white lie so the children feels better about me dating their dad? | I babysit for a client with a two young children (elementary school age). I started babysitting them a few years ago. During this time, my client developed a terminal condition and she passed away recently. Her husband still hires me because I know the children really well, and long story short we are dating.
The children have noticed something between their dad and me. In one of my conversations with them about their mom, I sort of told them a little lie. I told them the last words their mom said to me was that she’d like for me to take good care of them and watch them grow up to be the beautiful individuals that they are as if they were my own kids. I figured this might ease the awkwardness of their dad dating me. My friend was with me when I said this, and she pulled me aside later and asked me if that’s what their mom really said. I said no and my friend got upset with me. I was just trying to make the dating situation a little less strange for the kids and I really didn’t think a little white lie would be that terrible. I still don’t understand why my friend is so upset. Am I really the asshole?? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 24,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 24
} | WRONG |
sHvgEQfgn2K6ud5swnUntWFnkaJl1PBz | ax5jzk | {
"description": "not making up with my best friend after they told me they didnt care about our friendship",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not making up with my best friend after they told me they didnt care about our friendship. | So during secondary (aka middle) school i was best friends with a girl we’ll call L. We had been friends for like 5 ish years and did literally everything together, never have i experienced a friendship so strong and id say she gave me my first experience of love outside my family. I cant really explain how close we were but we did everything together and we were like 2 peas in a pod.
After we finished secondary school me and L both went to college however me and L both had different lessons completely and only got to see each other once a day, over the course of the year we began to drift apart and both began making new friends while still talking fairly often.
One day we were messaging about all the shit we used to get up to together and i said something along the lines of “hey do you wanna make more effort to see each other more.” Since like i said we had drifted a lot. She basically said she wasnt bothered and that she is always too busy and that people do just drift apart. This did kinda annoy/upset me since someone i would have considered my best mate just told me they didnt value our friendship anymore. However you cant force someone to be friends with you so i just kinda moved on while stopping making effort with her, only speaking to her if she spoke to me or only messaging her if she messaged me, not ignoring her but not bothering with this apparently dead friendship.
A few weeks later L messaged me basically getting upset i was ‘ignoring her.’ I just told her she was being backwards and she cant tell me that she doesnt care about our friendship only to get annoyed when i stop giving her attention. Her response was that she didnt care about our friendship but she doesnt want to be ignored, this is what really tipped me over the edge and i told her to sort herself out and to come back once she realises how backwards what she said was coz im not engaging in a one way friendship that only serves to give you attention. L continued to make awkward small talk but I just ignored her after this point expecting us to sit down and have a proper chat at some point but we never did.
About a year later me and L dont really talk. She still smiles at me and tries to engage in small talk every so often but i usually ignore her, i dont want awkward small talk i wanted to actually sort stuff out but we never actually did, it feels like she just wants things to go back to normal but i still dont want to if its going to be such a selective random friendship, we’ll be finishing sixth form and going to different unis in a few months where i’ll probably never see her again so i feel like its probably too late for us which is sad since i still think about what we had a lot. Am i the asshole for not just moving on? Should i have just acted like everything was fine or was i right to have removed myself from what was now a toxic friendship?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
nzXDUoig2RHRyWrB7FYXWi54TlLlBH35 | b70t48 | null | AITA for my dog on her lead biting a dog who wasn't on a lead? | This just happened and I'm seeking some clarity on who the ass hole is in this situation. I was walking my 2 dogs who were both a lead. Another dog (twiggy) appeared and its owners were a good 30 seconds behind it. One of my dogs is nervous around other dogs and was tucked close up to my legs. Twiggy wasn't listening to her owner and was jumping around excitedly around my dogs and my 2 children who were also with me. Twiggy continued to ignore her owners and came up very close to my nervous dog whilst the owners continued to walk on. My dog then lashed out and bit twifgy on her nose and drew blood. Queue argument with owners about my dog being aggressive etc. She isn't aggressive, she's just very nervous.
Who's the ass hole?
Tldr. My dog is nervous. Was on her lead bit dog who wasn't on a lead and wasn't listening to owners. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 31,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 31,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
Z7HjhDbZlefarQhAHlB2tHwVoqYptEum | b144gz | {
"description": "not eating cake at my mom's birthday party? ft. r/entitledparents",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For not eating cake at my mom's birthday party? ft. r/entitledparents | Hello people,
So this actually happened today. This is quite important for the story, so I'm terrified of germs, everyone knows it. I avoid human contact, for example when someone greets me with a handshake and then tries to kiss my cheek I'll be like oh fuck no (and no it's not because I feel awkward, I'm just terrified of germs). I probably shouldn't say more about this 'cause you'll think that I'm even more weird so let's get into the story.
Alright so, we sing the song to my mom and you know how it goes, you make a wish and blow into the candles. Now there was a kid who was basically screeching 'cause she wanted to do it with my mom. Also the kid was a bit sick (she was coughing and sneezing all over the cake), so when it was the time to blow the candles the kid basically spits all over it. At this point I was like alright maybe that small part isn't "contaminated" (the cake was pretty big and the kid wasn't near the part with the decorations - this will be important for later). So we had to take out the candles to cut the cake and ofcourse the kid wanted to do it, she started touching the cake with her dirty hands (The kid is around 4 years old by the way), removing the decorations and poking the cake. I asked something similar to "why would you let her do that" (because she was ruining the cake) and the parents replied it "oh she is just having fun, look how cute she is!". Even some other people told them to tell their kid to stop doing that but they didn't want to listen because their precious princess can do whatever she wants. So at this point, the cake is full of germs, filthy child touched even the part with decorations (she spent some time playing on the floor before she touched the cake, and she kept picking her nose all the time). I politely declined a piece of cake and said that I can't eat anything anymore. I ask my mom to come with me to the hallway so that I can explain the actual reason (I had to because she knew that I was lying, I love cake and I can eat it at any time no matter how full I am). My mom called me rude and etc.
AITA here?
​
​
Also, sorry about the terrible grammar and etc. English is not my first language. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6hKFE7uaVjBlDSf7ujWQ9pMUDbTPBtw3 | b9dfog | {
"description": "moving all my furniture out of the apartment that ex-girlfriend is staying in",
"pronormative_score": 414,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | WIBTA if I moved all my furniture out of the apartment that ex-girlfriend is staying in. | So girlfriend split up with me a few days ago (I'm 26, she's 25). We will buy out the lease at the end of April but I went to my brothers for the time being till I find a new place. I'm still helping split April's rent and all the furnitiure and items in the apartment is mine or my families (couch, bed, table, TV, etc). She's definitely free to see other people, that's obvious, but I told her not to bring other guys back to this place because technically it was still my apartment as well and everything in there is mine. I'll more than likely be taking all this furniture come end of April. She accused me of calling her a slut right then and there because I said don't bring guys back but I laughed it off and told her I didn't mean it like that.
Well on Tuesday morning, I had to swing by to snag my roller hockey skates. I walked in and there she was, cuddled up with a guy on our couch only 4 days after breaking up. I wasn't mad, just hurt. I told the guy to leave and then took a few hours of PTO from work and moved basically all the crap I could out of the apartment (my 55 inch TV, speakers, computer, all my clothes, etc). I still left her my 42 inch TV and my firestick to watch Netflix and crap, along with all the furniture for the time being. She kept telling me she won't bring any other guys back and it isn't what I thought it was.
Well, now a few days later, heard from a mutual friend that she has a date with a new guy and she mentioned to my mutual friend that she's bringing the guy back to our place tonight for date #2, netflix and chill. She told my friend that she doesn't know if they'll have sex yet but she wants too. (I have absolutely no idea why she would tell this to my mutual friend either, because it's a girl I've known dating back to pre-k school). So my mutual friend, who was on my side in the beginning, told me this.
Now, sure, it hurts that she is seeing other people only a week after breaking up but she's a free agent. But would I be the asshole for going and moving everything out of that apartment? The thought of her taking it on the bed I will be using for the forseable future, in an apartment I'm paying half the rent for, and them using my 42 inch TV and firestick to Netflix it up, is kind of making me sick.
So what gives. Tell me how it is so I can gain some perspective because I still love this girl and wanted to help her out this month instead of leaving her high and dry. The fact that I love her is obviously blinding my judgment a bit and probably making me a bit resentful to this. But at the same time I don't want to be walked all over and disrespected. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 404,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 414,
"WRONG": 14
} | RIGHT |
gpc2RcY2JpAR2C4iqAmQTAzMN7hgc9uv | awif6l | {
"description": "distancing myself from my friend after he asked me out",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA If I distance myself from my friend after he asked me out? | He’s been my close friend for 3 years. We would hang a lot and he’s a nice guy to talk to, but he keeps trying to ask me out in a roundabout way and now I’m just in a really uncomfortable position.
I feel kind of disrespected since I have a boyfriend and all and this just reaffirms my belief that guy friends are almost always fake cause they just want to date you. It stings cause I thought I could trust him like that, but idk what I was thinking.
So yeah, now I’m incredibly uncomfortable with him and he keeps asking to hang and I say that I’m busy, when really I don’t want to be around him now, knowing what he’s thinking. His texts are starting to generate stressful feelings now.
I’m planning on just retreating for a bit. It’ll take me a while to think about our friendship. I am very severely disappointed that he had asked me out and it was very clear on my end that I saw us as friends. Why can’t guys just be friends, you know?
Would I be the asshole for doing this? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
NMLMWU9pvxFpFIgNUFfcncydvrcLfXFj | 9zs5bi | {
"description": "asking to use my brother's next-day shipping",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for asking to use my brother's next-day shipping? | So first things first, never posted here before so apologies if I break any rules
My brother has Amazon Prime, and I had my eye on an item and wanted to see if it went any cheaper in the Black Friday sales today. It didn't anywhere, so I asked my brother if I could use his prime account to get it sooner, rather than ordering it from elsewhere and having to wait a few days for shipping.
I asked him, and offered to immediately transfer the money into his bank account before I placed the order via online banking. Seemed like a good idea in my mind, nothing lost on either side and something gained. When I had prime as a student (when I could afford it), I often ordered things for family and friends so they could get them immediately, and most of the time they paid me back. He himself ordered a set of lights for his bike a few months ago using my then-prime account.
However, he refused and acted offended that I even asked, then slammed his door in my face and told me to leave.
I feel like I may have been a little presumptuous in thinking he would offer me his account to use, but I don't understand why he reacted the way he did, in my mind it seemed a pretty reasonable request.
TL;DR: Am I the Asshole for assuming I could use the next day shipping on my brother's Amazon prime account like he did mine? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
V72t7fHKyLoNVlLr7RTUhhVOSxSg6zpT | a89qvi | {
"description": "refusing to Christmas shop with my father/brother",
"pronormative_score": 43,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for refusing to Christmas shop with my father/brother? | Every year my father and brother expect me to go Christmas shopping with them to get my mom something. BUT- by ‘Christmas shop’ they mean “I’ll drive while you tell me good ideas for mom’s Christmas”
In the past, I’ve been frustrated with this and just let them attach their name to MY Christmas gift- which is almost always well thought out and considerate. This year, I got her a small Fossil purse (to take on her cruise) and a small piece of art from a trip I recently took.
My brother texted me last night asking “what should I get mom for Christmas” and I responded ‘idk I already got her a gift’. He goes “no I mean from me”. I didn’t respond.
This morning my dad stopped me on my way out and said “I need you to come Christmas shopping with me, I have to have your creativity and expertise to get your mom a gift”. So I said “I used my creativity and expertise to get her a gift from *me* and I am too busy to go”. Which is true, I am going somewhere this weekend and Christmas is on like, Monday?
I feel like I shouldn’t have to be of charge of getting good last minute Christmas gifts for them and I’m not responsible for their gifts, only mine. On the other hand, if they don’t get gifts, it will make my mom sad. Idk. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 35,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 43,
"WRONG": 13
} | RIGHT |
MX4RRQZM7cCA1cJgaRRBAd4WMhjarUl7 | b67z3e | {
"description": "not wanting to share my 18th birthday party with my 1 year old cousin",
"pronormative_score": 329,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for not wanting to share my 18th birthday party with my 1 year old cousin? | I’m turning 18 on April 1st, but I’m having my party on March 30th. I planned my birthday party three weeks ago, so lots of people had time to work their schedules around it. I planned a nice dinner and invited my entire family and everyone said they would come. Then suddenly, a week before my birthday, my aunt and my uncle planned their kid’s party on the exact same day as mine, despite their kid’s birthday being on the 23rd of March. All my but 3 of my family members have cancelled coming to my party to go to my little cousin’s. Everyone is saying I should just go to my cousin’s party and basically share a birthday party with her.
No offence to this baby, but I wasn’t really wanting to share my 18th with a 1 year old. Yesterday my mom messaged the family group chat saying that she was upset for everyone assuming I should share a birthday party with my cousin. My aunt’s family told my mom and I that we’re being “ignorant and childish”. They also told me to go cry somewhere else. I then defended my mom and myself by saying that I was only upset that everyone cancelled on me, and that I’d still come to their party. I also told them not to insult my mom for defending me. I then left the group chat because I didn’t want to fight with my uncle. My aunt and my uncle think I’m trying to ruin their little girl’s special day. My aunt’s say I should just go to my cousin’s party and they’d all see me there. My mom and my grandma all said I have a right to be upset. I’m pissed because I planned all this and now a lot of people aren’t coming. So I gotta know, am I being unreasonable here? Am I an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 329,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 329,
"WRONG": 9
} | RIGHT |
4aSSnwyhGQajqjeVDxYpKf1vKWye1mN0 | b1iv2a | {
"description": "not wanting gf to dance with random dudes on our night outs",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not wanting gf to dance with random dudes on our night outs? | My gf loves to dance as do I. Its something we bonded about as friends when we met. It also something that grew our love. When we dance as a couple now its amazing. I've noticed that I danced to meet people and gain a skill. She danced to get lost in the music.
Obviously as friends at dance events I didnt care about her at all. We'd check in and arrive and leave together most times. Since one of my "love languages" is touch I really cared about who she touches, hugs etc. Now I've noticed by attitude towards her dancing with other ppl have changed a lot since theres more of a emotional investment. I was ok with her dancing with strangers in a group class or a in an event centered around dancing and teaching of it.
When we'd have date nights or group outings with friends - she'd often accept dances from random dudes at bars or clubs. This made me uncomfortable since she was touching random dudes and giving them the thought that there could be more. I spoke up about this and she agreed to stop. At a recent event she did it again and I told her off about it. We discussed it and I said this:
A pretty woman at a club or bar has agency. Men will approach her and ask her to dance. To her its a simple dance. To them its an invitation for more. At a dance centric event (wheres theres lessons and instructors) its more about dancing. At a nightclub where its about "Just a lil bit" kind of songs - its about sex or the chance at it.
Girls wont approach me. Her solution was "you can dance too." I told her for me to have that same result as her at a bar - I'd have to go and approach girls, hit on them, compliment them, buy them drinks, and then dance with them to achieve that same social parity. I'd have to do the monkey dance of a single man again, "Look I'm funny, I have a car, I dress decently etc. etc. etc." Or I'd have to pay attention to the room and not her and see who was making eye contact with me.
SHE WAS NOT even CLOSE to cool with that. She was like I couldn't stand it if you even told a girl she's pretty.
That's when I said - if you don't want to act like single ppl at a venue - then lets act like we're actually together and deny the random ppl dances at clubs and bars? She eventually agreed. I feel bad for limiting how she was when we were both single. Just in a relationship I'm not a big social dancer with randos. I'll only dance with my good dancer friends (who know its just about dancing).
I dont want to change her but are we supposed to adjust for relationships? On our night outs with a group or alone I just dont wanna be a putz standing there sipping beer as some dude is dancing or trying to grind on my girl. We did talk about keeping a distance and she has recently been good about that.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
Fxpe2TnbhOpQ1nsou1ekPRaKKaIPp9d0 | ampeyt | {
"description": "wanting my friends and family to stop buying me gifts",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting my friends and family to stop buying me gifts? | X-post from r/confessions
I realise it makes me seem super spoiled, but I wish they just wouldn’t buy me presents for my birthday and Christmas because the things they buy me just demonstrate how little they know me, and to be honest I’d rather just have a nice time with no take-homes except memories.
They buy me big clunky jewellery - I barely wear jewellery because of my job, and when I do it’s always small stuff because I don’t like big.
They buy me clothes that aren’t my style, or vouchers for stores that aren’t my thing.
They buy me soaps and body lotions despite knowing I have eczema so severe I literally can’t use them.
The worst is that they buy me ..stuff.. nick-nacks for the sake of buying something, and then the next minute are joking about how untidy my house is and how it’s cluttered with so much stuff I don’t need.
What I need is help. I need someone to help me fix the washer in my shower. I need someone to adjust the latch on my gate. I need some help getting my back garden sorted. I need a new smoke alarm for my hallway.
But those things are hard to gift wrap, so despite me asking for help, and despite me begging them not to buy me more stuff, they just keep on buying, and I keep on feeling like an ungrateful shit for never liking/using/wearing the stuff they give me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
kznj7lB5TxA9GJy3BlgPqOZBDSMSJiJM | alndp8 | {
"description": "not answering a customer and making her wait",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For not answering a customer and making her wait | Happened a couple years ago. I was working at an art shop in the city which meant i served alot of entitled people. I would be talking to staff (giving them tasks/ work related) or other customers and people would just walk up to me and start talking at me. I was getting sick of it. I always feel uncomfortable ignoring the person i was talking to.
One day in particular i was serving by my self and had a line of maybe 3-4 people. Was scanning a ladies items and about to ask all the mandatory questions about memberships and stuff when a lady by passes the line, comes up to the counter and just blurts out (not rudely) 'excuse me but where is blah blah item?'. I was really annoyed and just said 'sorry ma'am im just with a lady atm'. She gets huffy and i think says something like 'i just want to know where blah item is' and i said along the lines of 'im just with someone but if you wait a sec i can help'. In hind sight i probably gave her some attitude.... like in a 'ummm cant you see im with someone' kinda way. She's pissed and does an overly exaggerated mutter 'i just wanted to ask a question. Its was only gonna take a sec. Is that so hard' then storms out.
Now I'll admit that my tone wasnt the greatest.... but i wasnt rude by any means. I was alone in a shop full of people, with a line and a bit stressed. I also thought that interrupting like that was rude. In my mind the lady im serving gets all my attention and the people who lined up get priority. But when i looked at the other people in the line/ the lady i was serving, none of them looked pleased with me. I dont know if thats just me being paranoid but none of them really seemed to talk to me after that.
I thought i was doing right by the other people but its more than likely her question could have been answered in like 5 seconds and i was just being petty. The reaction of the other customers makes me question if im the asshole.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
DD15r30tWGC7sL42kp2Jhg9ZQuW4nqG6 | a2b0lb | {
"description": "wanting to clear things up ejth my now ex after she hsd the impression I wanted to cheat on her",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITAH for wanting to clear things up ejth my now ex after she hsd the impression i wanted to cheat on her | Alright guys so this is also kinds to vent because it seriously worked me up, but anyways my ex wanted me to leave her alone even though I wanted to clear up the false impressions she had as to why I wanted to break up with her. I broke up with her because of personal reasons I didn't enjoy about the relationship, as well as because I wanted some time to flirt around with other girls and be single a semester before I had to go to college. Of course she wasn't too happy because of my reasoning, especially the reason that I wanted to flirt around, but one of her friends told her I tried to cheat on her with one chick and was flirty with another. She had this impression in her head as well as told other people and a bunch of people confronted me about it during my lunch period.
I had no idea what they were talking about so I was honest and told them that didn't happen. I told my ex that it wasn't true and I got a little flirty with other chicks the day before we broke up as I knew we were breaking up, as well as I told her that I never tried to cheat and I guess someone could have said I was flirting with one of the chicks. Now, all that happened between me and that chick was I would call her cute or comment on her outfit and stuff similar to that, and that's what I thought my gf was thinking but she thought I meant underwear pics or stuff like that.
Anyways flash forward to later when I cleared things up with the chick who I initially spread the rumor as well as many of her friends. However I never talked with my ex as she didn't want to talk to me because she was angry. So tonight I started to and asking her what she thought happened and telling her what I thought blah blah blah... But she started to tell me to quit talking to her because she was so angry with me and she doesn't want to talk and needs a few days. Now I get that as I didn't want to talk to her either, but before we had our break, I needed to clear up the misinformation.
So I continued to tell her that no we need to talk right now before we take that break for exactly what I just wrote. She still wouldn't budge and continue saying I need to stop and she's not going to respond (which she would eventually respond to a few minutes later). I kept asking there the question "what do you think actually happened," and she would say other irrelevant things about me instead of answering.
Am I the ass for wanting do clear things up? I just want to make sure she doesn't go around spreading false rumors and thinking what I did was something I didn't. It could have taken 5 minutes of conversation to do so, but then again I understand why she wouldn't want to talk as she was very emotional about the whole ordeal and I can understand why she got so mad. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
KIfuPCRGTzGSrDlADxFSWfa7mOcmnpwF | 9zurtq | {
"description": "being frustrated at my gf for sleeping in calls with someone else every night",
"pronormative_score": 38,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for being frustrated at my gf for sleeping in calls with someone else every night? | Apologies in advance for both making a long post and my first post ever on Reddit.
Anyway, I want to first say that me and my gf have been dating for some years in a LDR (Moving in together was a WIP), and I have complete trust in her, which wasn't easy to get as I'm quite a paranoid and jealous person in general.
Something else that's important to know beforehand is that while I enjoy talking in vc, she claims not to, and we agreed on typing for the most part, with very occasional calls during the week.
Story: Recently, my gf joined a discord group, she asked if I wanted to join as well, so I accepted. People were nice in general, but I noticed that one of the people was always talking with her in a call when she went to sleep.
When I asked her about this, she said it was because she has trouble sleeping due to hypersomnia (Which I knew), and does it because it works better for her than watching youtube videos, so she'd join his call of him playing vidya, fall asleep, and he'd cancel out of the call.
I was a bit skeptical, but because I had no reason to distrust her, since A) We'd been dating for a very long time, and she's very anti-cheating, and B) The person she's talking with isn't attractive whatsoever, I accepted it and moved on.
Now forward a few days from that point and both of them are constantly in 4-6h long calls with eachother each night, talking, which at this point annoyed me because I had to agree to only talking for a few minutes each week, while this random guy could hear her voice whenever he pleased.
Couldn't take it anymore and I just asked if I could do the same, with her watching me play games and falling asleep, to which she replied no, I got a bit annoyed at this response and kept pushing, which made her annoyed at me in response and she ignored me, but the calls between them kept going on of course.
I talked to someone else in the server about this and apparently she thinks I'm controlling her because I'm picking out who she can hang out with and what she does.
I apologised afterwards (Maybe a bit too much to be fair), saying I didn't mean to come over as controlling, but I still wanted to talk about it, because it was a legitimate issue to me, and she just kept ignoring my messages, I asked the next day if she was "Interested in him" and she went mad. Haven't sent her a message since, and our chat has been dry for about three days.
Completely seperate from all this: I see sleeping in calls as something couples do, not friends, which frustrates me even further.
**TL;DR:** Me and gf barely talk in vc because she prefers typing, but met someone that she talks with non-stop, which I got annoyed at and she's mad at me for being annoyed.
AITA for being frustrated at my gf for this?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 38,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 38,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
lWWHJgyX61hVmNr3kVY2H51AIgcRFNen | ardfdr | {
"description": "possibly revealing my friends crush",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA For Possibly Revealing My Friends Crush? | Obligatory first post thing blah blah blah.
PEOPLE INVOLVED
Me: Me
E: A friend who has a crush on a guy (M) that I've never met.
C: A friend of mine who saw this situation.
M: The boy E has a crush on.
​
I know the title makes it sound bad but I don't know how to describe it. Basically, I was talking to A few friends on Houseparty (kind of like FaceTime) and at one point, C and I start asking for her to add M, her crush. She denies as first, but then, after a long argument, she adds him. As soon as E adds M, we start saying stuff, but a few other people were there and nobody could hear much. After that I say to M " I've heard so much about you, you're like a celebrity.", and with that shit really hit the fan. E immediately leaves the chat and DM's me on ig about why did I do that and how I shouldn't have done that and I ruined her life. Mind you she lives in the US and I live in Europe, and I never actually met E and M, but C and some of my other friends have. Anyway C also starts telling me what E was, and M just left the chat and I haven't talked to him since. I'm pretty sure M didn't even hear me, but I don't know.
​
TL;DR I possibly spoiled the fact that my friend had a crush on this guy by saying it to that guy.
​
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
yJMmCVp2a2RLviNXDQuEIr4EtakFJHDU | aon9vq | {
"description": "ghosting my ex but receiving and keeping his gifts",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 18
} | AITA for ghosting my ex but receiving and keeping his gifts? | My ex and I broke up last summer because he was an exchange student and he moved back to his home country. It was a very hard breakup for me and I really don’t want to have anything to do with him because it’s clear that our futures lie on different continents. I am a very emotional person, and all I want to do is facetime him or visit him, but I have great self control so I don’t ever do that since it’s unproductive for me to keep in touch with him knowing that I can find better people in my own country. (Statistically speaking) However, ever since the new year he’s been sending me gifts every 2 weeks. The gifts range from $50-$300 and being the poor college student I am, I just kept them and I haven’t really reached out to him or thanked him or spoken to him. The main reason why I don’t is because the thought of him gives me bad energy and even nightmares at times because as great as our relationship was, the aftermath of getting over him was tumultuous to say the least. Am I the asshole for not at least sending him a text? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 18,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 18
} | WRONG |
5O2nSSfK5cUKwzXVKj1N7Abd0v1YOGqs | azmc9b | {
"description": "getting annoyed at a homeless man to move on the subway",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting annoyed at a homeless man to move on the subway? | This was a couple weeks ago at around 6:30 PM on a Manhattan subway on my way downtown after class. I had just switched trains at Columbus Circle from one packed train to another, almost no standing room. As I'm looking around the car, I spot a homeless man spread out on one section of seats, taking up about 4 spots of sitting room, as well as 4 or 5 standing room spots as he was spread out off of the seat as well. I thought he was sleeping at first, but he moved around and opened his eyes enough that I came to the conclusion that he was just spread out.
​
On one hand, I'm sure his life is infinitely more difficult than mine, and someplace solid and warm to lay down on must be difficult for him to find. And I'm sure had people sat / stood in those spots more people would've gotten on the train anyway. But for some reason it annoyed me to no end. I didn't say or do anything to him, and got off at my stop, but it's still stuck in my head. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Fbl6KidMxTQafbG27N779J49tpqbFaNa | az44dr | {
"description": "calling a woman conceited on international women's day (IWD) while she was on her period",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for calling a woman conceited on international women's day (IWD) while she was on her period? | I was supposed to go on a date with a girl. I'm in CT, she's in NYC. I travel 2hrs to get to the city and am staying at my friend's place the night before I'm supposed to go on this date. Have to travel another 30/40 mins to get to her area in the city. I text her that night just checking in to make sure everything is still good and narrow down when and where.
I suggest we meet up and get lunch somewhere. She says ok, and asks if I have a place in mind. I say nah, was hoping u did, kinda joking around that it's her turf, figured she would know some spots. I suggest I'd be down to get sushi and pay for her cuz she told me that's her favorite food.
She says never mind, forget about the date. I'm like wtf? She says since I didn't have a place in mind, I wasn't serious about meeting. She says it takes 2 mins to look up a place and I wasn't putting in effort. I called her conceited and said I traveled my ass to her, was gonna buy her food, and that it was ridiculous reason to cancel. She hits me with I'm being too emotional, and that she is on her period and it's her job to be emotional. Says I have no chivalry, and if I wasnt so feminine maybe I'd get some p****. Also, says I shouldn't be treating her like this on IWD.
I say yea I'm allowed to be emotional, didn't know I needed to bleeding outta my d*** to show it. Also say well since I have so much estrogen I'm practically a woman and she shouldn't be treating me like this on IWD. I tell her im glad we aren't meeting cuz im not on a quest to stick my d*** in as many holes as possible, have too much chivalry for that. (Honestly if she was dtf I'd have been down, but expectations for the date was just lunch and roam around NYC. But that response sounded clever to me.)
I delete her number and our conversation, then hit her up on SC asking for screenshots cuz I thought of posting it in here. Understandably she said no cuz she didn't trust me. Calls me a stalker and psychopath.
This was supposed to be our first date, ha! Have had great conversation via text and was looking forward to finally meeting her.
I have a tendency to overreact, being drunk definitely didn't help (Not an excuse, just a fact). Hoping I'm not the a**. Tried to be as honest in this description as possible. It was a fairly long argument and I summed up the most important parts I think. Obviously there is probably a slant to my text in my favor, no one's the bad guy in their own story right? I can honestly say I didn't curse at her or anything like, wether or not y'all believe me is another story. I told her I was gonna post it on here, not sure if she is in this site tho.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
Uc97viwJbErFNVPTOFZ6QLjDe5PwDVDL | b0h9cm | {
"description": "telling my friend it sucks that we all always smoke together and she's the only one who can't roll",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for telling my friend it sucks that we all always smoke together and she’s the only one who can’t roll | Some background:
We have all been smoking at least 4 or 5x a week on and off for the past few months, heavier in the summer, and we all know how to roll. Since we smoke so much our tolerance to weed is higher and it takes more weed or more expensive weed to get us higher- leading to more joints/blunts to be rolled. She sits and chills every time we pick up while we roll so much even when smoking multiple times a day. She has tried to roll once or twice but doesn’t put much effort in, but sometimes when we roll she will say “sorry i’m worthless guys” referring to the fact she can’t roll and just sits there. The other day I mentioned something to her half frustrated from having rolled 9 joints that day about how it’s annoying she can’t roll, and she feels that I hurt her feelings and upset her and shouldn’t have said that. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
NiQDmwErEI10LVgU9cp6UBezbvLrgaz2 | azn9cq | {
"description": "insisting on Venmo payment for a trip",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for insisting on Venmo payment for a trip. | A group of my friends (all college age) and I are planning a short trip for spring break. We are staying in an AirBnB and I offered to book the room, which was a full 690 charge all on my card. I did this because my friend asked me to, not because I wanted to, because I know people can be awful about payment.
Most of them venmo me their share immediately which I would prefer, but one girl says that she’ll get me a check. I’m peeved about this initially since I don’t have a car on campus so it will be a hassle to deposit the check if online deposit and atms don’t work, but I agree (though I told her I would prefer venmo).
So because of our schedules not lining up it’s like a full week before she can get the check to me, then a full week before I can try and deposit. And of course the check gets rejected both by the online app and the ATM. So I get peeved and tell her to Venmo me, offering to return the check to her. She tells me to just try depositing during business hours in person and she doesn’t want to venmo since she already gave me the check.
I got really pissed at her since she’s basically asking me to make two trips to a bank when it’s actually inconvenient to do so, since I don’t have a car. And i’m generally annoyed because how hard is it to use this modern, free, hassle free service that EVERYBODY ELSE is using. I basically told her, pretty passive aggressively, sure but it’s super inconvenient for me and that it was hypocritical for her not to trust me (for not trusting me to return the check so she can just venmo) when she expects me to trust her (that the check is legit and I’m not wasting my time by visiting in person). But I mostly didn’t mean it since I do trust that the check is legit, I just am upset she doesn’t seem to understand how inconvenient and difficult this is for me. So I feel bad for mostly bitching about the inconvenience for me, but at the same time I feel like it’s her responsibility to figure out this payment stuff and not mine.
Also keep in mind that its a significant chunk of money that’s been out of my pocket for weeks now. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
Tnn935Oh7i2GkyQ5NNpn38POGYG8PA7a | b46igr | {
"description": "wanting my best friend as my Best Man, even though he cheated on the Maid of Honor",
"pronormative_score": 172,
"contranormative_score": 65
} | AITA for wanting my best friend as my Best Man, even though he cheated on the Maid of Honor? | My best friend, FRIEND, I‘ve known since I was in diapers. We were neighbors throughout HS, went to college together, and shared an apartment our last year there. He’s been a brother our whole lives; we’re both an only child. We’ve talked about how we’ll be each other’s best man for as long as I can remember. I don’t really have any friends other than him; I’m not very social.
2 years ago I met the love of my life, FIANCÉ. 1 year into the relationship, FRIEND meets FIANCÉ’S best friend, MOH (Maid of Honor). FRIEND and MOH start dating. FIANCÉ and I both agreed that this might cause complications in our relationship if they have problems, but also acknowledged that we couldn’t really do anything about it. What were we gonna do, tell them they can’t date? They were great together, and MOH found him worth giving up “waiting until marriage.” A few months ago, I proposed, and we are set to be married in a little over a month. I asked FRIEND to be my best man. FIANCÉ asked MOH to be Maid of Honor.
2 weeks ago, FRIEND went out with some other friends, and ended up drunk and going home with a girl. He confessed this to me the next day, and he felt like absolute shit. I told him he’s gotta confess it to MOH. He fucked up and it’s only fair to her, and she’ll be a lot more understanding if he tells her himself. He agrees this is the right thing to do.
MOH‘s livid (rightfully so). I come home from work and she‘s at my apartment. She packed a bag and asked FIANCÉ if she could stay with us to get out of her apartment. I’m fine with this; I can understand she’s going through a rough time. 1 week ago, MOH decided she can’t handle dating anymore, and they break up. She‘s staying with us until she can find another apartment.
FIANCÉ tells me that there’s no way MOH will be able to handle being at the wedding, especially walking down the aisle with FRIEND. I told her that they don’t need to walk down together, or do anything together, but I can’t tell him he can’t be my best man. It would devastate both of us, as well as leaving me without a best man. FIANCÉ tells me I shouldn’t even want to be friends with him anymore, and offers her brother as my best man. She put her foot down on him even being AT the wedding. She says that one of them can’t be there, and that it’s not fair for MOH to both get cheated on, and then ALSO not able to go to the wedding because we “chose” FRIEND over her.
FRIEND is already devastated that he fucked up his relationship. I hate cheaters, but you don’t just turn on your lifelong best friend because he fucked up. I understand that it is very challenging for MOH, but I also feel like since this is MY wedding, it should be determined by what me and FIANCÉ want, and that I shouldn’t go through my wedding without a best man because of MOH. I also don’t think that it should be a choice of one or the other, and that they should both come and be professional and avoid each other.
AITA for standing by having him as my best man? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 59,
"OTHER": 114,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 58,
"INFO": 5
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 172,
"WRONG": 65
} | RIGHT |
Ag2NjMV1e7IVr9SDfSMvGr4u2NpVjkkh | a7gqdw | {
"description": "not seeing or talking to my friend who was having a bad day",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not seeing or talking to my friend who was having a bad day? | So context: She took acid the night before and I stayed with her and our mutual friend during their experience, everything was fine and I left very early in the morning to sleep at my own house.
I woke up to a spam of messages saying how bad she was feeling and that she really needed me, I told her I will come see her soon but ended up passing out again due to low iron.
I told her that I was feeling really tired and bad also and I couldn't her today because I needed to look after myself.
I went back to sleep for a while and woke up to a passive aggressive "thx for the help tonite"
I got grumpy and sent her a messaging saying I told her before I couldn't help her and needed to look after myself so she blocked my messages.
I asked her to unblock them in a groupchat we're both in and she did then I explained, I'm always here for you whenever you need me but I needed time to myself for a while for my own health but she just thumbed up the message and didn't reply.
So am I the asshole for not helping my friend when she needed some support because I needed to look after myself? The way she's handling this makes it seem like I'm the asshole and she's usually a logical thinker. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
pok1ToKnD4HCyJoRPhjvXC1u5ghjUP1H | azoo3j | {
"description": "not agreeing with my wife",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not agreeing with my wife | So a bit of a story is needed for context. My house keep ,which in our country it is very difficult to find an honest and responsible one, has been working for our family in different households. In my brother's, my aunt's, and even some friends. During those years she has always been honest, responsible, and helped with keeping our lives clean and organized. Now living in my own house, my wife has a room which she uses to store her things from her online baby/child clothing store. The room is always a mess since she does not want anyone going inside and messing with her "system". Inside you can find a multitude of clothes, accesories, and hell she has even kept the equivalent of hundred of dollars in our currency. Always disorganized but recently she has told me that she cannot find some of the items she is selling, or only finds one piece of a set. Once she said that a bunch of money went missing. She told me all of this, and how she believes the housekeep was to blame, I told her I disagreed with her, but if she did not want her to keep working for us I was ok with that. Me disagreeing with her was not great, she took it like an insult, like I told her she was crazy for thinking this and that I should trust her. I actually thought of lying to her and telling her that I agree, but I told her what I believe. The mess she keeps maybe she misplaced or lost the items, but no way I am telling her that. She also asked what were the other options: me or my 2 year old stealing from her? There is also no way anyone broke in, there are cameras outside in the neighborhood, and 2 big dogs guarding our house. And yes no cameras in the house since I did not consider them necessary. Is it wrong of me for not agreeing with her 100%? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
IqMhkyvQzGlbZsNdXP8k1nMtR9nmPBNm | ajxwc0 | {
"description": "being mad at my fiancé for bringing up something for happening 8 months ago",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for being mad at my fiancé for bringing up something for happening 8 months ago? | I [18F] got upset at my fiancé [20M] for leaving something his ex posted on his steam comments up. We get into an argument and he brings up how I was speaking to my ex the very first month of our relationship (keep in mind I wasn’t sure that he was okay with me being friends with an ex, and even then we weren’t officially a couple as far as I knew, he never popped the official question) and I get upset at him for bringing it back up because I was genuinely oblivious to what was okay and what wasn’t at the time. So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
ARRtnYMB7nG62ALIPVl0CZuMLkhH8DkV | 9vf6kc | {
"description": "wanting my mother to create her account by herself",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for wanting my mother to create her account by herself? | My mother (58), always reaches to me for every little technological problem that faces.
I always end up helping her, but I get a bit angry since I believe she should learn to do those things on her own.
She replys that since she helps me by cooking and cleaning the house (I'm 19), it's the least I should do for her, (I do the tipical son's tasks and go to college, it's not like if I layed in bed all day) which I agree but that's not the point.
Moreover, I have an older sister and they (the problem can be applied to my father too) never ask her to do this things. Am I being too selfish? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
zAM7DUoerVAbV6vTbj9K1bsjRa4ZvQu8 | acy334 | {
"description": "not helping my Co-Worker out who really needs it this week when I will have Downtime",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA By Not Helping My Co-Worker Out Who Really Needs It This Week When I Will Have Downtime | Without divulging too many details, my co-worker and I are the only two attorneys doing a certain type of law in a governmental office. We have been working there almost the same amount of time and have about the same amount of experience but because she started 2 months before me they made her “chief” and me not, so she’s sort of technically my boss although my real boss made it clear no one sees it this way. I honestly don’t care as I’m there to do good work, help people for a few years with public interest law and then move on to other pastures.
Anyway, her time management is terrible and she’s not nearly as efficient worker as I am anyway. I volunteered to be assigned 60% of the cases so she can handle her “Chief administrative tasks” but after months of her at the last minute dumping her work on me, I made it clear that while I’m happy to be assigned 60% of the cases from the beginning, I don’t like her work being dumped on me last minute. During my 7 months on the job I have not asked the court for a single extension while she routinely does. I have also done a lot of other work to help other attorneys in other departments outside of my area where I think I can help bring value to our organization and I also volunteered to teach a continuing legal education class that I have poured about 75 hours in preparing. Keep in mind, I do all this extra and get my work done on time.
My office mate (or pseudo boss whatever) however, as mentioned, is chronically late but then will loudly sigh about how it’s not fair that I get to do all these “fun” research projects and she doesn’t. She also keeps repeatedly suggesting that maybe I’m “bored” and need more work and it’s clear to me she wants to dump more of her work on me but because she’s a waspy person and I’ve already made it clear I don’t like that, she won’t say so directly. I have this huge legal training I’m giving in one week, but frankly this coming week, I could take one of her tasks for her with no problem as, as always, I’m ahead. Like, truly I will be bored next week. However I’ve decided not to do that and stay firm because she’s dumped so much of her work on me in the past and I hate that so much (if I don’t get the case from the beginning then I’m stuck with how she’s handled the case up until that point which I find frustrating because it really boxes in how I both interact with the client and what I can do on the case).
But I’m feeling really guilty. As much as I might seem like the asshole from this post (which I’m now thinking I am), I will have an almost free week next week and she is *drowning* in work. And we’re in the same office so it’ll be obvious I have not a lot to do. And I constantly do things for other attorneys in our office (because I feel like they’re not just dumping *their* work on me but asking for my help) so at some point to her it will seem personal and I really have no issue with her other than a feeling that I don’t like the assumption that I’m *responsible* for someone else’s work. Maybe I should just help her out this one week?
So my question: AITA for not taking work from my coworker that I could easily take when she is absolutely drowning? Thanks! | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
wooZK2yBQInxPkJeNBatKFolrwEwI2i9 | b4gzko | {
"description": "giving an employee 2 days off without pay",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for giving an employee 2 days off without pay? | Due to lack of engagement and accountability failures from the previous manager and supervisor, I was asked to take over a safety critical team to improve compliance and accuracy.
Under the previous leader a particular individual was thought of as a high performer due to his willingness to take on a broad range of tasks so the previous leader could sit back and relax. Additionally, this employee was asked, by senior leadership, to be the interim supervisor until I could get engaged and hire a permanent supervisor. However, as I engage my new role I have found this employee to be secretive regarding the execution of many of these tasks and it appears they are for a large part fairly simple to accomplish, yet not being completed in compliance with federal regulations or company policy. Therefore I removed him from the interim leadership role and reassigned him new responsibilities that were more inline with following checklists than making decisions and leading projects.
At the time I provided specific examples of the behaviors that lead to this decision including examples of non compliance and at the direction of company attorney and HR provided a final warning letter due to the intentional nature of his bad decisions. As a result he has been crying loudly at his desk (while refusing company emotional support services) almost daily for the past 3 weeks, making others uncomfortable. He has also had several mistakes due to not following instructions, procedures, and failing to check his work. I don't typically mind mistakes, but this is repetitive and preventable if procedures were followed. And earlier this week I instructed him to perform a calculation following his task that would reveal errors, he said it wasn't necessary for this particular task. I asked him to do it anyway. Later on, an error was identified, and through investigations it was determined, as I instructed, that the calculation would have resolved this error.
These are well documented procedures, down to the key stroke, and his generous compensation reflects the requirements for 100% accuracy. That being said, inspite of the attention seeking crying and arguing, this guy is hurting. He's never received negative feedback until I got involved, so I understand the difficulty in adjusting. But after this latest issue disciplinary action must be issued. He's already received a final warning so this would be a second final warning, with days off without pay. The shear amount of coaching that I have to put into this guy is really taking an emotional toll on him. The other option is termination, however my director is a softy and avoids it at all costs. But what is kinder to this guy? Keep warning him in a role he clearly can't handle or putting him out of his misery and forcing him to move on? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
WYEsdwhsRXRXahGGP5yzritItZxws8zi | avxa7e | {
"description": "having to pay less rent",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for having to pay less rent? | So I live in a student house, basically just a normal 2 story house with six rooms in total, 2 on each floor, two kitchens, and a large bathroom. The rooms are 20m², it’s close to the train station, close to the city center, and in a relatively quiet neighborhood.
I’ve been living here for over a year now, and recently two of my best friends moved in since there were rooms free. Exciting!
All was good and well, until last night. We had a guest over and decided to bake pancakes together, just the four of us. Our guest was impressed with the sizes of our rooms, since his place was a lot smaller. So he asked how much rent we pay each month. I was about to answer when one of my roommates was quicker.
€400 a month, she told him.
My rent is only €385 a month.
So I kept my mouth shut and just nodded. We went along with our conversation but I just couldn’t shake this thought away.
I’m afraid that if I mentioned it, they would get angry and mail the landlord. Which could risk into my rent being changed to €400 as well, and I really don’t want that. I also don’t really know why I only have to pay €385? Maybe it’s a mistake in the system?
Am I an asshole for paying less rent than my best friends and not mentioning it to them or my landlord?
I hope this was an okay story to read and I would love to hear your thoughts on the matter. If there’s anything unclear, I’d be happy to clarify some things.
ps: I’m new to reddit and on mobile, the usual.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
HP8Vo4IpU2aiYtVm56hfOl2cNpst7JC6 | b7kc4k | {
"description": "throwing a jug of fresh pee at my stepdad",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for throwing a jug of fresh pee at my stepdad? | Mobile User
M:Mom
D:Dad
SF:Stepfather
A month ago I (17M) was diagnosed with stage three Hodgkin's Lymphoma
I am currently in the hospital because my entire mouth is covered in mouth sores. This makes it difficult for me to eat and talk, warranting a 1 week+ admission to the hospital.
One day I'm in my hospital bed, my family in the room. I get up to go to the bathroom, which includes unhooking myself from some equipment and taking my IV pole with me. I also take my phone with headphones because i'm already listening to some music.
So I go into the bathroom, which you can’t lock, and turn the sink on so they don't hear “Pshh.” I urinate in a jug because the nurses monitor my fluid intake and outtake and at this point I had already urinated twice in the jug without the nurse dumping it out. 3 times is the max I can go without it overflowing.
Because of the noise from the sink I turn the sound up on my headphones to the maximum volume. The morphine makes urinating really slow.
Just as I finish urinating I hear three knocks on the door through a quiet part of a completely different song (I think 3 or 4 had played by the time I finished urinating) and I'm immediately both angry and anxious as I know what's going to happen next.
My stepdad says that in France (he spent most of his life there) you knock just to give people a notice that you're coming. He doesn't actually wait for you to say "come in" or "occupied" or anything. This had led to a lot of conflict at home, and now it appears, the hospital.
I yell "NO," but he's already in the bathroom, door completely open (pushed into the bathroom). My penis was exposed and he seemed confused at the scene that he just walked in on. I don't even think about what I'm doing, I jerk the jug in his face and toward his body so that he is drenched in my piss from head to a little bit of his pants. I then drop the jug, push him out, and close the door.
I yell through the door something along the lines of "I don't care how you knock in France, in America you wait for someone to say 'come in' before you open the door." Then I take it a bit too far in my opinion and call him something along the lines of “pervert,” but worse.
When I exit the bathroom into my room my SF is washing his face in the sink and he is fuming. My M explains to me that since I was taking so long my SF thought I may have fainted or been in some kind of trouble. He called out my name while still sitting on the couch in my room and when I didn't answer because of the sound of the sink and my headphones at full volume is when the incident occurred.
*For more context, and I believe this is really important in understanding my mindset, I would suggest you check out my post history.*
So am I the asshole for tossing pee at someone who was apparently just trying to help?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
KfKz5wjODGl0pdGNy6ShBJyrg5agNN0O | afvqil | {
"description": "trying to lose contact with a good friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for trying to lose contact with a good friend | I met this guy online through gaming over 2 years ago. We quickly became really good friends, to the point where we talked every day, shared our secrets and problems with each other, etc. He probably still knows more secrets about me than anyone else. Due to us living only 2 hours away from each other we spent a new year together and also went to a festival together a couple of months ago.
However, around half a year ago it went downhill. His taste in games changed. He doesnt like the game and community that used to bring us together, he now pretty much only plays fortnite (which itself is not a problem). However, I dont like fortnite that much, so that alone is kind of already drifting us apart.
At some point, every call of ours consisted of him insulting me and calling me bad or at least saying that he was better than me. Even as a joke, its just become super annoying and in my eyes is not a way to treat good friends. He always seems super selfish and everything is always about him. Me and some other friends have told him several times that he should stop insulting us, he promised to do so, but then broke his promises, and even told us that we were the bad friends instead.
Ever since he started being so toxic towards me/us, I didnt feel to great when I was calling with him. So I more or less decided that I wanted to lose contact with him. At the same time, I also felt a bit guilty tho, because of what we went through together and us having been such good friends, so I never told him the real reasons and only started becoming inactive.
But now he is constantly putting me on a guilt trip for never being online. As excuses I usually just say that we have very diffirent games that we play nowadays and on top of that, I am working 40 hours a week since summer and I am not the best at managing my free time.
Am I the asshole for not wanting to hang out with him, even tho he always keeps insulting me and behaves very immature and selfish?
TL;DR Guy I met online and was good friends with kept insulting me and my friends, I am slowly trying to lose contact, but he is making me feel guilty about it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ewsy8YymQRNvv1N20O5HEQWT7zTmeIN7 | anpn9v | {
"description": "leaving out my feminine hygiene wash",
"pronormative_score": 75,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for leaving out my feminine hygiene wash? | I was complaining to my sister that she went away for about a week and left her underwear (face up :( ) on the bathroom floor and her boyfriend's underwear on the sink. I had just cleaned and bleached the bathroom so I was pretty annoyed. She told me that it was unfair of me to complain because I keep my feminine hygiene wash (it's soap for down there) in the shower and no one needs to see that. The wash has a certain pH that is supposed to be better than using soap for down there and I like to feel clean. I tried to explain that the hygiene product is no different from a clean and packaged pad (which she leaves on the table) and she was not having it. She kept saying no one she knows needs it and it's gross. I say her dirty underwear is gross. I feel like she is obviously in the wrong, but my mum who witnessed the conversation didn't back me up, which is why I am posting here.
Also sorry if this isn't formatted correctly or something. This is my first post to Reddit. I was so mad, I just have to see people's opinions | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 75,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 75,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
uPqlpcA8Uo0O0OtUiu6oX7W5T7mzHJMx | 9y2h10 | {
"description": "wanting him to eat his vegetables",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for wanting him to eat his vegetables? | My boyfriend of about 1.5 years, doesn't eat any vegetables/fruits/fresh foods.... And generally eats what most would consider a very unhealthy diet. (Pizza, mac n cheese, pasta, etc). At the beginning of our relationship this wasn't a prevalent issue because, like with most new relationships, we both ate out & at awful food most of the time. It was only once we starting living together I realized that he is up there on the list of pickiest eaters ever.
A couple of months ago, I became incredibly conscious of my diet and what foods I was eating, so nowadays a majority of what I eat are fresh vegetables, grains, legumes, the whole nine yards. I have asked my boyfriend to consider trying new foods, because it is important to me that he respects his body and what he puts into it. (Thinking long term-this stresses me out because if we ever have kids, it'll be SUPER tough to get a little kid to eat a pizza while their dad eats pizza most nights). While his eating habits to not effect my health or body at all, I would like to invest in a partner who is health conscious, appreciates eating good food, and who probably has less of a chance of getting heart disease sometime down the line. He is slightly more inclined to try new foods since I've discusses it with him (hasn't liked any of them yet), but did day-to-day diet has not changed one bit.
Anyways, am I the asshole for wanting him to eat his fucking vegetables? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
C7ryOgH7vOI6fiXsAWHUZk35MilqcHOK | b777be | {
"description": "walking out on a waitress",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for walking out on a waitress? | So I think I had the worst restaurant service ever. I walked in, and it was busy, with no sign. When verbally questioned for take out, I speechlessly gestured to the dining room, and received a nod. I sat down in the dining room, and was speechlessly served water approximately 5 minutes later. About 5 minutes later I received a speechless water top-off. And 5 minutes after that I received a speechless water top-off. And 10 minutes after that I received a speechless water top-off. At 30 minutes later I walked out, unpaid, speechlessly gesturing the waitress goodbye. At that time she had taken orders from 3 other tables, that came in after me. By that time I was enraged, having never been talked to at the table, and I was super hungry.
Let me post-face by saying: I'm the most placid, easiest customer ever, and generally tip high. I've never walked out, well except for Napoleon Dynamite, that movie was annoying. I just sit there on my phone chilling out. I'm hungry, at lest get a sugary drink in my belly... Up-sell alcohol and I might go for it. Additionally, I been to this restaurant about 5 times, and takeout about 10. They're hit and miss, and when I say that, I mean when there good, they are excellent, and I'm picky. Otherwise they're totally mediocre tasting. The service is always horrible. It reeks of the the restaurant owners' kids forced to wait tables. The waitress spent most of the half hour hand drying plates, with a look of horror on her face, as if she failed at plate drying duty... And I want to badmouth them on google, yelp, everywhere... but I tip high for the worst job ever... waiter/waitress... | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
wE7NifL5iMQRZjLruQPqpgUWW1cQlhID | avva4w | {
"description": "getting mad at my friend over 1 dollar",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For getting mad at my friend over 1 dollar? | Im a freshmen in highschool and at my school you can get a meal for 1 dollar for lunch. That day i set down my backback near my friend. I then walked to another table to talk to some friends and while I was doing that he took my money which was only a dollar and spent it on a bag of chips. Someone told me he just took my money so i went over to him to confront him and he told me he spent it. I was obviously pretty mad as I didnt have food for lunch now. Seeing me angry he gives me the back of chips. It was a bag of hot cheetos which I really did not want to eat as even something somewhat spicy makes it hard for me to breathe during excersise and i had a sports game that day after school. So there I am with no lunch and money and a bag of hot cheetos. I threw the bag at him and stormed off. And the money he took wasnt even mine. The previous day another friend told me if i could locate all 50 states on the map hed give me a dollar. I did it and he gave me a dollar so i felt pretty good to spend it the next day knowing i earned it. The day after my friend stole my money he tried acring like it never happened. He Didnt even say sorry or didnt even pay me back. I know this was only a dollar but i didnt get lunch that day. I dont know if he saw me angry that day or if hes just being an asshole. I still havent gotten over it. Am I the asshole?
TL;DR one friend gives me a dollar, another friend steals it and buys something with it. Doesn't apologize nor pays me back | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 20,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
7rSonE7RRoqkzzXphkCsOnY2kSsJfcv1 | b7fn21 | {
"description": "not wanting to be on a vacation with my family",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for not wanting to be on a vacation with my family? | Currently, I (15M) am on vacation in Washington, D.C. with my family. I've never really expressed much interest in going here, but I never said anything to the nature of "I don't want to go" because there is no purpose. It would just rile everyone up. Well, earlier today, we went to see most of the major buildings and memorials. That's when shit hit the fan; I won't go into details, but I expressed interest in going to the library of Congress. This was shot down by my father, who said it was a decently long walk from where we were. I told him that the walk from our hotel to the Lincoln memorial was about the same distance so it shouldn't be terrible, to which he responded that I don't always get my way.
This is where I said some things that I regret voicing, and I'm certain that some of it was just me being a bitchy teenager. I told him that I hadn't gotten to do anything of remote interest to me since we've gotten here, and that I didn't even want to be here in the first place. This ticked him off and he started going off on me. Eventually, my mother pulled me aside and told me that I was being ungrateful and that I should be appreciative of all the places I get taken (my parents are fairly well off). I argued that I wasn't ungrateful because I was forced to come, which didn't sit well with her. Eventually, once we get back to the street, my father starts insulting me, and my mother keeps telling him to stop. After he calmed down, my mother turned to me and said something like "Do you see what you cause?"
I don't believe that I, as a minor, should be responsible for my middle aged father's actions. Apparently I ruined the entire trip for my family. I don't know if my parents are being assholes or if I'm being a stupid teenager, so AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
OsCoLOSN2L7ulwdfnUW9BO70bzQ91JTG | b9g83g | {
"description": "not being comfortable with an unleashed dog and yelling at the owner",
"pronormative_score": 31,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not being comfortable with an unleashed dog and yelling at the owner? | Hi all,
I live in a condo where pets are allowed. I’m not a big fan of animals as I’ve always been creeped out by them. As long as pet owners are responsible and look after their pets, I have absolutely no problem with them.
However, today while I was in the elevator, a woman got on with a giant German Shepard who was unleashed. The dog seemed to be in an excited mood and kept jumping up at me. I looked clearly uncomfortable and kept trying to move away from it. The owner thought this was funny and kept saying “don’t worry, he won’t hurt you! He’s super friendly”.
I told her that i didn’t care if he was friendly and that I’d appreciate it if she would put her dog on a leash and keep him away from me. She got super upset with me and said I was making a big deal out of nothing. This in turn made me mad, so I told her she was being extremely entitled and that I wasn’t asking her to do anything outrageous—I simply did not want the dog near me and that it should be on a leash.
There were a few other people on the elevator and they all seemed shocked that I wasn’t obsessed with her crazy dog and were siding with the dog lady.
For the rest of the elevator ride, she kept talking to her dog saying things like “don’t worry, the cranky lady doesn’t like you, it’s not your fault.” and sharing eye rolls with the other people on the elevator as if to say “can you believe this girl?”
All this made me feel really shitty, but I honestly don’t think I did anything wrong here. AITA for not being okay with an unleashed dog on shared property? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 29,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 31,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
B0DUOc3eOnmktzc7w32euBycfijQUFTR | b2f1dm | {
"description": "never calling my roommate beautiful",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for never calling my roommate beautiful? | I'd say my (23F) roommate (23F) has always been a very straightforward and somewhat blunt person. Some relevant examples: once in high school we were at a lunch table with other friends when she out of nowhere remarked that she had never thought I was (physically) beautiful, but she could see it all of a sudden. I was neither hurt nor flattered, since I had never sought to impress her. I also didn't (and don't) think she was beautiful either, and to me that is completely natural. We all find some people beautiful and some people, not beautiful. I did however think she had been rude to say something like that, as I imagined some people might be hurt by the first part of her remark. She will also sometimes say to me that someone she sees on social media is ugly - which I also think is rude even though that person is not around, and especially because I have not solicited her opinion on the person's appearance, and I have told her as much. But generally, I have simply taken these tendencies to mean she is the kind of person who appreciates honesty.
​
While getting ready in front of the mirror, she'll often say to herself how beautiful she is and gas herself up - and I'm all for that lol, remind yourself that you're the shit everyday. But a few times, the last time a few days ago, she's followed up by asking me why I never call her beautiful, which is true. I always jokingly brush it off and end the conversation, but I realise that most people might respond to that question by calling her beautiful (am I wrong about that?). However, I feel very fake/uncomfortable saying things to people that aren't genuine; I would rather not say anything at all. I feel like even if I tried, she'd figure out I was being fake right away. She also seems to have a great amount of self-confidence, which makes me think it doesn't really matter to her whether I think she's beautiful or not. Perhaps she has noticed me call other people beautiful, but I don't think I do that that often enough for it to seem like she is the only one I do not call beautiful. I don't hesitate to compliment her features/outfits, but I have never called her overall face or body beautiful.
​
So, am I the asshole for never calling her beautiful? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Mo8n9ieVyFBln7LxtiwzJ7wYkL6jCXOq | aop13d | {
"description": "wanting to go home",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to go home? | In December, I filled an application for HRT. A few days later, my mom want me to accompany her to Hong Kong to visit relatives. She got a service apartment for a month. I thought A month delay on starting HRT wouldn't hurt, so I agreed to go.
On around the 20~th, my dad calls and says he need to come over as well to sort out business. So it's 3 of us in a cramped apartment.
Soon after he arrives, I learned we don't even have plane tickets to return home yet. This gets me annoyed.
A few days ago, he told me he wants me to stay here for a few months while he sorts out his business.
This pissed me off as that's not what I agreed to. I'm also already a month late on starting HRT.
He wants me to stay and help him. By doing absolutely nothing instead of going home and getting a job.
He also keeps going on about how many people come back to Hong Kong to find work even though I have no plans to ever live or work here.
My parents now refuse to let me go home until my dad deals with his business and are trying to guilt trip me into staying.
I'm stuck here with nothing but a crappy latptop, so I want to go home.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
DdjuGGyrVPaooRnlhzbBrgE48gr2S8HN | b8p0q0 | null | AITA: Brother Is Homeless... Stopped talking to him. | The slide started slow? I guess? Hard to make coherent in 300 characters.
**Full disclosure:** Older brother(OB) Smokes weed, has done shrooms, and acid confirmed. We don't know our father(BIO)...
Around 7-8 years ago OB had started working on building a relationship with BIO. Turns out I have a younger brother(YB)...
OB and BIO try and start a business in a different state... After about 8-10 months of this I get YB into lifting weights and he gradually stops smoking weed. Meanwhile the business is going horribly for OB.
At one point OB asks me to take a look at their financials, and as a favor to him I get involved. They are hemorrhaging 40k/m, have nothing to show for it and no planned income for the next 5 years. I help get them out of their contracts and close up shop. Eventually he gets a job as QC for construction company. he has a BS in Physics.
He's doing good work, but a few things go wrong simultaneously and he loses the job... This is where it gets really weird and it becomes clear he's not taking care of himself at all.
Around this time I start planning my wedding. I offer to give him a job at the company I am at...
Around my wedding it's clear he's now living out of a van. My best man helps him get cleaned up for the wedding and well.. there's a litany of inappropriate stuff here...
6 months later, mom begins having problems with her van getting towed, help her sign it over to him and him get free van.
8 months go by no other response. It's Thanksgiving. last time I see him. It's bad.
A month later I find a place with a disabled pothead friend of mine who will let OB stay on couch for chores. 2 benefits, free pot, and free roof. I text my OB about it, he says back 10 days later 'where? a prison with a pot farm?'
I text him 'I'm trying to help, but if he doesn't want this kind of help tell me what kind of help he wants.'
Roughly 8 more months go by. I send him a message on facebook as his phone is no longer reliable. I explain the frustrations at the wedding, tell him he's given up and that life takes effort, and that I don't want to communicate with him anymore if he chooses that path.
He called me after a few days, started in saying it's been two years and I have been absent and un-supportive. I hung up right there and blocked everything but facebook, which he then blocked me on.
Months ago, a social worker from a church called me inquiring if he ever broke his neck. They claim he's on opiods, but he fervently denies it to my mother. They tell me they might have to call the cops on him, I tell him they should and it might help and he accuses me of being a shitty brother and hangs up on me.
He never broke his neck, it's a lie he tells to people to gain sympathy. I didn't tell the worker this.
I'd like to have a family soon, I plan on having kids within a year, and I am very protective of my wife from my immediate family. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
mBMUkUdnVRXr3Q6PScFFepZJTbd0POHT | asqtv4 | {
"description": "being upset my sis didnt take my side in a family issue",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being upset my sis didnt take my side in a family issue. | I will try to condense this story down.
So I (23f) have been caring for my nephew(10m) for the past 6 years and a month ago my brother (28m his father) and his girlfriend (27?f his mother) came back into the mix to try to take him. He expressed he didnt want to leave with them and wanted to stay with me. Me and my brother are complete opposites. We dont get along. He has always been by far my mother's favorite with my mom expressing on many occasions that I've been a burden on her. My sister (28f) has been living with us for a while so she can save up some money to buy a house and before my brother came through the door I told her just be ready because when hes in this house it's going to feel like hell . Well after the month she definitely sees why I said that and has told me multiple times how in the world so I put up with the bullshit in this household. To mother my brother is her baby and no one exists outside of that and she really makes us feel that. She pushes us aside and treats him like royalty while also treating us like shit. Now I'm used to that but my sister isnt so its been a roller coaster of emotions for her. I'm always there to have her back against my mother because she never wants to say anything.
My brother lives with us but his girlfriend lives in North Carolina. She was visiting for the valentines day weekend and yesterday the three of them (mother, brother, and his gf) took it upon themselves to just take him away. I was not home when this happened and apparently it happened the day before. Obviously upon hearing this I was angry and so was my little sister who was the one who found out the news. My little sister started crying saying how could they do that. Well I was in school and my sister calls me telling me to talk to my little sister that she has to respect them and their decision because at the end of the day its THEIR SON.
I've always believed that blood is not what makes you a family it's how you care for one another. I have expressed this to her in the past when talking about the situation and she agreed. So I told her to quit her bullshit. My brother and his gf were never here for my nephew even before I had him. He constantly expressed that he didnt want to be with them and cried when they wouldnt want him near me. I'm upset with my sister because she essentially is saying to let it go and how am I supposed to do that. I've had him for so long and cared for him that i always saw him as being my son or my brother. He was my family and he was taken from me without even saying good bye.
Ps. If you guys want me to explain the whole background situation more just let me know.
Tl;dr I've been caring for my nephew for 6 years now and his mother took him away without me even seeing him. My sister took her side in the matter and said that he was her son and I have to respect her decision. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
X0s6JtPyOQEyNlVl6uRCGn8PuuT9WTtf | avt8pf | {
"description": "refusing to chip in on household supplies and cleaning for an apartment that I rent at but do not live in",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for refusing to chip in on household supplies and cleaning for an apartment that I rent at but do not live in? | tl;dr - I rent a room at in apartment, but due to a new job on the other side of town I essentially am now living at my SO's place 24/7. My roommate still wants me to chip in on toilet paper and other supplies that I won't use, and pay a cleaning lady to come in to clean common areas that I have not used in months.
----
My apartment is a 3 bedroom. I rent one bedroom for 1/3rd of the overall rent/utilities. A couple rents the master bedroom and together they pay 1/3rd of the overall rent/utilities.
The third bedroom is rented by 1 person. It has changed renters multiple times since the lease started in May, but now there is a guy renting it. He pays the final 1/3rd of the rent.
Basically for a few months now I've been living with my SO due to my new job. Commuting from my apartment would take 1.5-2h in each direction. I have a 9h workday. Staying with my SO saves me a significant amount of time and improves my quality of life drastically.
My lease is up at the end of April, so I've left my furniture and some personal items at my apartment. I continue to pay my portion of the rent and utilities.
I only stop by the apartment occasionally to pick up more of my personal items from my room. In the time that I have been away, my female roommate has begun moving my items from the kitchen cupboards into my bedroom. This bothers me because she's doing it without asking me or even telling me she's moving my stuff. I don't need the space so they are free to use it, I just would prefer that they doing move my things without asking me. But that's beside the point.
She has now messaged me saying, "I chose to live with roommates in order to cut down on costs. Even if people are away or on vacation, they need to pay their share of the costs." She wants me to chip in on toilet paper and she wants me to chip in on having a cleaning service come to clean the living room, kitchen and bathroom.
I refuse. I'm not using any toilet paper or other household supplies, so there's no reason to contribute to the cost. If I were using those supplies, then yes I would contribute, but she isn't really saving any money in either instance, because I'm going to use whatever portion I pay for.
As for a cleaning service, it is not my fault they have made a huge mess of the apartment. Whenever I'm around, I clean up after myself. When I was staying there I cleaned up after my messy roommates countless times. I'm not making a mess there, therefore I'm not going to pay for it.
So tell me... Who is the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 4
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
W92hhaVaT08BUgLkuaKp7ofsuTFTFyMO | aj6y1b | {
"description": "cutting ties with my friend who is cheating on her fiancé",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for cutting ties with my friend who is cheating on her fiancé? | Hey everyone. I’ve been work friends with a girl for two years, we don’t hang out outside of work much but we text/snapchat a lot and used to see each other at work until I transferred stores. I’ve also only met her fiancé a few times so we are not close.
She recently told me that she’s been “talking” to a guy we used to work with. She and her fiancé have a child together and have been together for going on 10 years - it’s been clear that they don’t have a happy relationship but refuse to communicate about it. I’ve tried to be hands off in the situation because it’s none of my business, but then she started telling me that they’ve been hanging out and made out a few times when they were drunk. I told her that I’m not going to tell any of our friends or her fiancé about it but I cannot support her actions and want no part in knowing the details.
She got upset because she thought I was being judgmental and tried to justify it by saying that she thinks he’s cheated on her in the past, which she’s never said anything about until now. She said she wasn’t asking for my approval but she just wanted to “tell me what’s going on in her life.” I said that she and her fiancé need to communicate better and figure out of they actually want to be in a relationship - she really didn’t appreciate me saying this.
I generally really like her and am supportive of the decisions she makes but I just can’t support her cheating on her fiancé. Apparently this makes me a bad friend. We haven’t talked much over the past few weeks and I miss her friendship. AITA for essentially telling her that I don’t want to be involved with her while she’s cheating in her relationship? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ZnqRFseX3aHjcIU5OyuNpECDzI5qcTC8 | axnor9 | {
"description": "wanting my GF's Gay Bestie to stop groping her",
"pronormative_score": 169,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA For wanting my GF's Gay Bestie to stop Groping her. | So my GF and I have been together for a about a year or so now, we're both in high school - I'm about to graduate and she has another year to go.
My GF's best friend is a fuller gay gentleman (we'll call them Norman) who is the same grade as her, they've been friends since grade school, and she was his main support structure when he came out in late middle school.
Now Norman is Very open about his gayness, to the point it gets annoying sometimes - but, I get it because he's excited to be out, so we just let him do his things with the hopes he reels back a little with time.
\*Note: I'm not the only one who feels this way, the whole friends circle (which includes other gay guys and girls) agree as well.
Anyway, so here's the deal: Norman gets very grabby with some of the people in the group, especially the girls...
He will often "jokingly" grope the girls in the group and make comments about their breast size, texture, and if they're getting turned on by it. He will also often want to wrestle with them (sometimes by surprise), which; because of his larger stature, ends up with him on top of them and touching them inappropriately (breasts as well as crotch) and saying sexually suggestive things - He does this to my GF the most.
What kind of annoys me is that most people will just play it off and say it's ok for him to do it because he's gay. IDK, it just really sounds Unkosher to me, especially because this is at school and he's been doing it more since I told my GF I wasn't very comfortable with him doing that stuff - at least to her right in front of me.
It now looks like he will purposefully go out of his way to touch her inappropriately right in-front of me, I really feel this way because he will intensely glare at me while doing it.
Idk, I talked to another friend about it and she said that I needed to put my homophobic feelings away and let him be this way.... I really don't feel like this is right.... AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 164,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 4
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 169,
"WRONG": 9
} | RIGHT |
tQRxLw47DZHdrOzq1dZt3wMJWMxqZqiz | 9zy2lg | {
"description": "being concerned about attending an all-black event with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for being concerned about attending an all-black event with my girlfriend? | My girlfriend is black and I am white (male). She wants me to go with her to a Black Nationalist type event. I am a bit concerned that our relationship with stick up like a sore thumb there. I conceal carry so I am not worried about violence but there is a lot of potential for drama and I don't like drama. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
WMs80APYwfq260NSwoDhzOIcyGm9WmrP | askew9 | null | AITA? Dumped boyfriend for busy work schedule | My boyfriend works 7 days a week, 12 hour days as a drug dealer. He started taking on more shifts recently, and starts work at about 8 am and gets off at 9 or 10 pm and usually pretty tired once he's off. He asks me to hang out almost every day, but I have to wait until he's off (which is 9-10 pm or sometimes even later).
I've asked him if I could see him during the day, because he's not busy all day (usually stops to eat with his friends, smoke weed, play video games in between seeing people). But he says he doesn't want to be around me when he has the phone on him..
Everything was fine as we've been together for 3 years and he's never really been this busy and we usually see each other every day, but as of the past 4 months it's 12 hours a day 7 days a week I don't even get one day with him. I've expressed this concern to him many times and nothing seemed to change, so I dumped him but now he's begging for me back and asking me to stick around and tough it out until things slow down again..
My main problem was the fact that he continued to work this much despite me expressing dissatisfaction with it. I pretty much mentioned it every day and he changed nothing (he claims he "can't" at the moment), so I just left. It also bothers me that it's not a REAL job, and he's just driving around smoking weed so it's not even really fair what I'm being pushed aside for. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
7fcNLYFtJUtsGK3heLFZgF3VdCJEOmgT | b3hbld | {
"description": "telling a friend a class was easy and now he's failing it",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling a friend a class was easy and now he's failing it? | I'm in my first year of engineering and I had a introduction to programming class last semester. The point was to teach how to break down problems into steps and solve them, not really to learn programming.
I went to all the classes and the labs, did all the optional homework and only studied for the final exam. The class was easy for me and I ended with a 100% in the class. I was telling a friend last semester that the class was easy. He now has the class this semester.
He never goes to class, skips all the labs and does none of the optional work. He got an 8% on the midterm worth 30% and is currently averaging 55% in the homework worth 20%.
The exam is in less than a month and he can no longer drop the class without it appearing on his transcript. He's calling me an asshole for saying the class was easy when it wasn't. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
n0kDSxkoTj0rO3YXRtvBXzreFfTTInNT | abppe1 | {
"description": "not wanting to trust/talk to my sister",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to trust/talk to my sister | thanks for all the help in advance and apologies for any if all grammar mistakes haha.
Good or bad just need to dialog people.
​
My sister has come to visit me for 3 weeks (i live overseas). She and i have been close for many years, we call each other best friends and we get along very well. I haven't seen here in 2 1/2 years and when i saw her last week, it was great to catch up with her. Shes always open and a good person to have discussions with. However, there have been a few things she has been saying or doing that have been bothering me this first week shes visited.
​
After a week of her visiting me we take a trip overseas for new years. The trip is going fine but one of the things that have been bothering me really gets under my skin. I've asked here multiply times for her not to do it but she keeps doing it or says " i do it cause im like our mother". The mother joke was funny at first but now it has really gotten under my skin. However, i still just drop it and let it go. Later in the same day we are checking into our hostel. I had to book us a separate rooms (mixed room because im male and females cause she is a girl) . As the hostel managers tell us this i make the joke "ill take the ladies room key" and my sister yells very loud and within in ear shot of other guests in the lobby "don't be such a creep!". I was very shocked and embarrassed cause it seemed like she was trying to shame me in front of other people. (the joke can be seem creepy but people always mistake me as woman/my sister makes jokes about me cause i look like a woman cause i have long hair and such.) After this incident i didn't want to be angry and be mad so i do my normal process of shutting down, being quiet and distant so i dont say or do anything that could very hurtfully cause i was in a rage state. so i avoid my sister the whole night, go out for a walk by myself, go to bed early.
​
Next day i wake up in the morning and just act normal with my sis. don't comment on the things that bugged me and just let it go. haha. we do some sightseeing in the morning for awhile and than we get breakfast . while at breakfast i happen to look at my sisters phone and read a text she has open. (i never read other peoples phones/look at their personal stuff cause i dont want them doing it to me. respect each others privacy) . what i saw she sent to her close friend was "all he has been doing is looking at girls and like degrading girls" (not sure if that was the whole text so i could be wrong and im being an asshole). When i see this i legit get angry and go off a bit. I felt very betrayed that my sister/ best friend would talk behind my back negatively.
​
first: it bothers me because i never talk about the things that bother me about my sister to anyone. shes my best friend and even the days were im mad at her or she annoys me i dont say anything about it to anyone. i say it to her. i have a dialog with her. i just never thought my sister would do something like this. I feel like i cant trust her now cause she will take any my opinions and tell everyone about them. i dont like people telling wrong portrayals of me (unless that person has met me and made their own conclusion about me).
secondly: I'm a very shy guy and can never talk to girls. im always trying to respect woman cause my best friend is my sister, im close with my mom and i hangout with alot of girls. I try my best everyday to be a living example of integrity, and degrading woman is not in that definition. she has told me years ago i am " hyper-sexually". when she told me that i made sure to turn things down or just not bringing up those topics up with her. during this trip, (to my memory) i might have noticed a girl in passing and took a look at her or said to my sister" that girl looks good".
​
now in the past few days ive only answered her questions with yes or no. or given her the information she needs. try and not say anything that might cause her to assume something about me or misinterpret my opinion. I usually can forgive and not care. but with this i can forgive her but i dont want to trust her. and now im sure im making things awkward cause i dont want to talk to her unless its necessary.
​
So im sure many of you will agree, im being an asshole. thoughts?
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
F4VeIEAjf3IkZ0uYL01RNUKMMAtNtqtg | anm9ae | {
"description": "blaming my S.O. for not booking flights in time",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for blaming my S.O. for not booking flights in time? | TL;DR at the bottom. My apologies for the book that I'm about to write, but there were a lot of events that happened leading up to the situation.
**SCROLL DOWN TO SKIP THE BACKSTORY**
So I've been trying to plan a trip to Europe in May with a couple friends for the past month. I invited my boyfriend because we've been wanting to travel together more too. However, this last Saturday my friend, who's also been tracking flights to Japan, found flights for nearly half the price of what they usually go for AND it would also be during prime cherry blossom season in March. She ran it past me as something to think about, but ended the call with a heavy implication that her and my other friend (a couple) would most likely be opting out of the Europe trip and doing Japan instead. I wasn't against the idea since both Europe and Japan were desireable destinations, and I mainly just wanted to be able to travel with my friends. I wake up the next morning to a text saying that they bought the tickets to Japan for March because they wanted to jump on the deal before prices went back up.
During this time I've been filling my boyfriend in on everything that's happened. Both my boyfriend and I are pretty hesitant on getting the Japan tickets because moving the trip up 2 months felt pretty rushed. However, I had pressed the fact that we need to make a decision soon because this deal wasn't going to last much longer. Because they're my friends and I was a little more willing to take the leap and buy the flight, my boyfriend suggested that I just work something out with my friends first, and if he can make it, he'll join too.
I explain the situation to my friends who had already bought the tickets and ask if they can move their flight to Japan to May so that it could better align with my bf's and my schedule a little better. After some back and forth, we agreed on mid April. I buy the flight with them and it turns out that we were all able to get the same flights so it was pretty ideal.
**YOU CAN START HERE TO SKIP THE BACKSTORY**
I tell my boyfriend that my friends and I all booked the same flights to Japan, and he should really try to get his flights asap as well so that he can get the same flight back with us (he's joining for the second half, and will be arriving separately) because we don't know how long they're going to be available and for this cheap. He says that he's going to do it tomorrow (Monday) because it was pretty late and he had just gotten home from a flight.
Monday morning comes around, and I check the flight prices. I let the bf know of a few options where the flights are still cheap and hopefully last, but naturally bc it's work hours, he's busy with work. He suggests that we figure it out after work bc he's got his hands pretty full. After work, we look at flights, but unfortunately the ones that would have had the same flight back as us are no longer available (other options still have decent deals).
My initial reaction was to blame him for not getting the tickets earlier like I was suggesting when I had said to get them asap. And so I was quick to point my finger at him. He got pretty hurt by it because from his perspective it was out of his control - he was really tired getting back home from his flight at around midnight, there was a lot of work stress during the day, and neither of us could have anticipated the flights selling out that fast.
However, I just couldn't get the idea out of my head that it was his own fault for taking so long even though there were external factors at play. We got into an argument, and he suggested that he should just opt not to go anymore because it felt like I didn't want him to go with how I was blaming him. To him, it felt like he was just an add-on to the trip, one, because they're primarily my friends, and two, he'd be flying in and out by himself, rather than being with the group for at least the return flight. I felt bad because this hasn't been the first time where I made him feel second to my friends and that he wasn't as important.
Eventually I decided to cancel my flights with my friends so that I could fly back with my boyfriend. I chose a flight where I would still arrive around the same time as my friends, but I would have to fly by myself there in order to get the same flight with the bf back. After cancelling and making the change, he felt bad that now, for my trip with my friends, I won't be able to fly with them. And he felt as though he has negatively impacted the trip I was planning with my friends because I won't be able to fly with them. However what's done is done and I'm just glad that I get to travel with some of my favorite people.
AITA for blaming him initially? Because after taking a step back knowing that he gets pretty sensitive with this kind of stuff, and that there's a lot of stress going on in his life currently, I felt like it was pretty asshole-ish of me. I'm just trying to get an a less biased perspective.
TL;DR Told bf to get cheap flights asap. Bf got preoccupied with work and life and ended up missing out on them. I blamed him for missing out on it bc I told him to get them asap but he didn't. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
1WxLizvjfMBOHRxCZRQ8GDQNcuzNHHqn | 9ynbbl | {
"description": "masturbating like everyone does",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for masturbating like everyone does | I had an healthy realationship when I didn’t feel uncomfortable by the fact that my gf thinks that I shouldn’t masturbate because she feels insecure and replaced by my sense of pleasure.
Note that I don’t masturbate often, only when I feel like it. I feel pretty healthy and I never thought that was something wrong about doing it. It never replaced my sexual activity whatsoever or my feelings for her. We openly talked about it in casual sex conversation and she said she would break up with me if I did it again, for the reasons mentioned above.
For a while I didn’t thought about it too much, but we were moving together..if she catches me doing it, she would break up just for that?
Well this made uncomfortable just thibking about it so I brought it up again as conversation subject. Well she broke with me, because I said I cannot guarantee nor do I want to stop doing it. So am i wrong for doing it? Doesn’t everyone does it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
X5VaETgSC8i8riwDahQcmdlsYlKMUqeC | auyij0 | {
"description": "rushing my partner this morning",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for rushing my partner this morning? | I've (29m) been with my partner (25f) for 8 months. My one complaint is while I'm generally easy going. I feel like she blames me for things that aren't on me.
​
​
I've recently moved back in with my mother, I'm close to saving up for a deposit on my own place. My mother has been really accommodating and will drop me to where I work in the morning if she's going out. My partner works fairly close, most of the time she works odd hours as she does shifts, this morning she was in an hour later than me and mentioned last night that she might get a ride with me.
​
​
Now my partner sleeps over a few nights every week so is well aware of when I have to leave, or so I thought. We both woke up about half an hour earlier, she had her phone beside her and I was asking her to check the time every 10 minutes to which I'd say "ok 20 minutes left" each time before I need to get ready and leave. I had forgotten that she'd mentioned about catching a lift the previous night which I know is on me. I get up and say "right I'm going to shower dress and head" to which she gets in a bit of a panic and mentions she needs to get ready. I tell her to go have a quick shower first and get ready while I'm having mine.
​
​
Due to the time constraint she wasn't able to get fully ready (makeup etc), it wasn't till we were walking up after the car journey that I realised she was being very cold with me and didn't hug or kiss when going our separate ways. I sent a message once I got in making sure she had got the connecting bus fine (ignoring the coldness from earlier, I understand people can get a bit annoyed when stressed and had expected this to be fine now). She was having none of it and tried to argue with me, making the whole thing out to be my fault. I tried to briefly explain that my mother had an appointment and that I would have felt bad delaying her because she's going out of her way to help us out but she just ignored it. I asked if the roles had been reversed would she feel responsible or would she feel like I should have been more organised to which I didn't get a response to. I didn't want to argue about it so I just said I had to go into a meeting and I'd talk to her later.
​
​
As previously mentioned I'm generally very easy going but this has lead to people taking advantage of me in the past, I eventually begin to resent it so I'm trying to stick up for myself a bit because I believe even though it's sometimes easier to "do anything for a quiet life" it's not healthy, I do care about this woman and I want it to work.
​
​
I'm wondering if I'm the asshole for not swallowing my pride and apologising, I'm afraid that doing this will open me up to be a punching bag for anything else that goes wrong for her and I feel like I deserve better in that respect.
​
​
Am I the asshole, could I have handled this better? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
lITGbSncMEhzbiprHTP9avm78prShtbR | alw4s1 | {
"description": "not being able to help my friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not being able to help my friend? | This story isn't super long but, I met a friend a little over a year ago. He is transgender and our small group really helped him out during his "confession" (i can't think of a better word) and being harassed/bullied about it. We don't hang out very much anymore but still text sometimes. During our text conversations, he frequently brings up topics like suicide and depression that make me uncomfortable, and it's not hard to tell that he has depression and often thinks about suicide. I eventually got kind of upset because he kept treating me like a therapist and keeps trying to get me to help him. I say anything I can and try to help, but in the end, I'm no therapist. Honestly, this really annoyed me. I kept getting fed up and frustrated whenever we talked. I then started to tell him how I think he needs help and should talk to a professional about his problems and not me. He got kinda upset about this but reluctantly followed my advice. It's been a couple months and we haven't talked or texted since he told me he got a therapist.
So, AITA for getting mad at my friend for treating me like a therapist, then saying he should get an actual one? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
5pjNUKiZqPxfhNeR05NVKQaEjF2u0ayj | b6ltye | {
"description": "being mad my childhood friend used my wig party to promote her MLM",
"pronormative_score": 204,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for being mad my childhood friend used my wig party to promote her MLM | (I’m on mobile so I’m sorry in advance)
My best friend Kat and I have been friends since kindergarten so we’re practically sisters. Recently I was diagnosed with a very rare form of brain cancer and while we caught it early enough doctors believe I’m a high risk for relapse in the future. Essentially I have been given 15 years max to live. Recently I held a WIG party where my hardiresser and close friends brought in wigs and shaved my head. This is where the problem starts. Kat has been sucked into one of those essential oil MLM’s and has become somewhat of a soul sucking banshee but despite all that she’s been supportive of me and she’s still my best friend. I’ve dealt with her saying her oils could do better for me than chemo and telling me I’m just killing myself faster by not using her oils so I’ve been close to my breaking point for awhile. I finally broke when Kat showed up without a wig or food but with a huge poster board of her MLM along with some of the products she sells. I of course started sobbing and all of our friends ripped Kat a new one. Kat has sent me some pretty nasty emails saying I’m not supportive and her mom has called my mom to scream about how ungrateful I am. I don’t know if it’s just my emotions being out of sorts or the anxiety of everything going on but I feel like a huge asshole. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 204,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 204,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
H5331R1769Kb4oEEvnzDxWaem3uhI3ek | b21szr | null | AITA - Don't bring up grad school! | I recently started applying to grad school, naturally I was excited and told my family at dinner. Recently my sisters boyfriend mentioned to me (at a bar while drinking...) that I should stop talking about my interest in grad school in front of my family as he thought it was not well received. For me, I was taken aback because i mentioned it only one time and it was because I was genuinely excited at the prospect. No one in my family has gotten a masters degree and my parents didn't even bother to come to my college graduation.
Is there any reason I shouldn't be happy for myself and share my updates and news with my family? I'm not gloating, I havent even been accepted anywhere yet, I literally just am excited to learn and grow my skills. My family has always treated me as a black sheep since I don't align to their political, financial, and religious views but I thought they would be proud of me with this news.
So, am I the asshole here? Should my family or siblings have a right to me mad at me? Should I back off? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ScL9LrWoG0ON7AHVNRTVXm3NPHRRzojr | a6vht4 | {
"description": "pulling out of Christmas plans",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for pulling out of Christmas plans | Little back story my family and I were meant to spend the holidays together. My family is controlling have informed me my partner is not invited even their partners are. They do not like him. Also my dad has threatened and called me names since we had miscommunication of plans. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
P4TG1RhSZk7HcbMoJd4eEQxysn3ui8rF | ai1sej | {
"description": "becoming jealous when my best friend tells me about the girls that he's talking to",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for becoming jealous when my best friend tells me about the girls that he's talking to? | Pretty much, the title. I'm 25 years old and do talk to girls, but not as much as my best friend does. We're both currently single. He seems to have more frequent luck than I do, and when he tells me about whatever is going on in this department of his life, I always find myself quickly becoming jealous of him. I'm not sure if he can tell that I feel this way or not. AITA, and if I am, what can I do to solve this issue within myself? Please help. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
nnotfjtoxyRKzDwAyeHUqQXJPbajUvzv | ahyrf7 | {
"description": "telling my GF that I longer want to travel with her",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | WIBTA If I told my GF that I longer want to travel with her? | My girlfriend (lets call her D) and I both love to travel and have taken about 4 major trips together. Although I cherish our experiences and memories, I've concluded after our last trip that I don't particularly enjoy traveling with D and feel that I'd be better off traveling alone or with a friend who shares similar interests. I've always envisioned traveling the world and have finally reached a point in life where I can afford to do so but I feel as though I'm stuck with a completely incompatible travel partner.
​
Just to break down and summarize where some of my reasoning comes from:
\+ I feel as though I always have to diminish my expectations to accommodate D's in order for us to come to a mutual agreement (if even that). For example, D loves going to very touristy, tropical regions with beaches, palm trees, and resorts. I prefer to either stay in the city among locals or out enjoying nature while camping/hiking.
​
\+ I want to experience what life is like for the residents of each country I'm visiting and try to keep an open mind to new experiences and cultural differences. D on the other hand seems to find very little joy outside of what she permits as normal or acceptable. Anything else is met with skepticism, condescending remarks (not out loud, just to me) and an overall passive-agressive attitude. D got very upset while we were in London & Paris because people kept "shoving" her and the waiters were "rude". I tried explaining that they were very busy cities and that no-one was intentionally pushing her around, its just how things are. I also warned her beforehand that servers in Europe may not be as overly accommodating as in the states (which I loved). Needless to say, she didn't seem to get it and I've come to understand that she still yearns for the American experience even while on a completely different continent.
​
\+I often end up feeling as though I'm babysitting. D's situational awareness and resourcefulness while traveling is..... not so great. I have to be by her side at all times or else she would be completely lost due to a combination of poor navigational skills and not paying attention. She doesn't try to learn the local currency which often forces me to handle all of our financial transactions, which then forces me to hold all our money at all times. This means that we can almost never separate unless she's tucked away safely at the hotel for the night.... She also seems incapable of handling her own belongings. Apparently I'm responsible for cramping all of her crap into my bag(s) and carrying it for her. After one of my bags ripped from being over packed, I strongly suggested that she pack her own for our next trip. She refused, which resulted in us having to buy her an emergency satchel while overseas that she ultimately ended up requesting that I carry it instead. If I ever refuse to carry her stuff, she will make a show out of how heavy, cumbersome, and uncomfortable it is for her to carry on her own.
​
\+ D doesn't seem to have a very big sense of adventure while traveling. She prefers to plan our days around tour schedules and attractions (that I keep track of) , but as we make it back to our hotel from the activities (usually around 9 or 10) she's ready to call it a night. I prefer to walk around and get familiar with the city. I'm not a club goer in any way but I do enjoy certain aspects of nightlife and especially enjoy it in new places. I like to spend my nights drinking and mingling with locals and other travelers. D doesn't quite understand the reason or necessity for this and she's not much of a drinker at all. I feel that I've met some amazing people this way and I find it to be an important experience for me while traveling.
​
\+ This one may sound ridiculous but its kind of a big deal. D doesn't seem to understand how to adapt or blend into her surroundings when necessary. Whenever we travel she seems to adopt this temporary persona where her dress attire transitions from normal to flashy, lavish, and somewhat gaudy/revealing. I've found myself in very uncomfortable positions in not-so-safe areas due to the amount of attention she draws. We often get one of two reactions (or both).... Locals will often assume that we have vast amounts money to spend and so we constantly get bombarded by street peddlers/merchants. Or overly aggressive men will boisterously whistle, stare, and hit on her while I'm there. This puts me in an extremely awkward, stressful, and uncomfortable position, especially if/when we're near a poverty-stricken neighborhood. I always have to consider the worst potential outcome of these situations. We could get robbed because we caught the wrong kind of attention at the wrong time from the wrong person. Or we could get separated and men may become a bit more aggressive without me being by her side.... It just always feels like we have big targets on our backs in these situations which puts my anxiety through the roof and makes the outing far less enjoyable. These occurrences happen at a much lesser degree whenever I'm walking about alone (late at night or during the day).
​
I've explained all of these points to her on multiple occasions, but they either fall on deaf ears or cause an argument with neither of use coming to terms. Either way, I'm determined to enjoy my next trip to the fullest. WIBTA if I told her that I don't enjoy traveling together and that we should do so separately for now on? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
AObo2ORf0y6z2qoXDvfFojBfwiFdgMMa | b5e01x | {
"description": "telling her that I don't care for her \"world famous alfredo\"",
"pronormative_score": 35,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | WIBTA if I tell her that I don’t care for her “world famous alfredo”? | My girlfriend is really proud of this alfredo dish she makes. She makes it once a week for us. I absolutely hate it. It’s got this weird sour taste and the bacon in it is like rubbery instead of crispy. I’ve been choking it down with a smile so far, but I dread when Sunday dinner time comes around. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 25,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 35,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
2fnBG8WPJl6Ex3luawVlmT4QUHZGDfGe | at15j2 | {
"description": "wanting my roommate to take the trash out",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting my roommate to take the trash out? | So me and three others live in a dormitory together, and while it used to be a tight ship (rotating duties on bathroom cleaning and emptying the trash) it has since fallen to a bit more of a relaxed state, which means the trash has overflowed. This is gross, so I took some initiative and took it out and replaced the liner, expecting to get things sort of back to how they were.
Well the other day I'm doing my thing when I hear someone rustling in the trash bin, and I see my roommate Terry balancing a lid on top of a box he's just shoved in the can because it's full and now it cannot close properly.
Me: "So you gonna take the trash out?"
Terry: "Why don't you?"
Me: "Uh, because I took it out last time. And I didn't fill it up just now."
Well Terry shakes his head and just walks into his dorm. Ok, fuck me. I forget about it until the next day when I catch Terry as he's about to leave the room, "Hey, you gonna get the trash on your way out?" He shakes his head and just leaves. Well, later that same day (just yesterday) he sits by me for dinner and I ask him "Hey, did you end up getting the trash?" And he says to me: "Look, youaintlaboeuf, I promise you, I will get the trash, but you have to stop being a smartass about it."
Well this pissed me off, so I tell him "Well, you should've taken a minute to take the trash out when you're the one who filled it up." Safe to say that was an awkward dinner.
I see him back at the dorm later and for 4 full hours he walks by the full trash, lid precariously placed on his shoved-in box, to go sit at his desk and play video games or to use the bathroom.
I am pissed, but I'm wondering if I'm in the wrong here? Should I just take it out myself (I probably will), and if I do should I say something to him about it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
VlWCowfkbeMP76H8cIS9kzbxGJU2TQUD | 9vhmqy | {
"description": "telling my roommate she's getting defensive",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for telling my roommate she's getting defensive? | Hey, it's me again. Sometimes I have trouble judging situations, so this subs is really helpful. Anyway, my roommate asked me to get her credit card from her car to pay for something online. I did, and came back in and we talked a while.
The conversation turned to the weather, and I told her that I heard that it was going to snow today and most of tomorrow. She replies, telling me I'm wrong and that it's just going to flurry. I told her that's just what I heard and she replies again, telling her that's what her grandpa said and he wouldn't be wrong because he watches the news, so she knows what the hell she's talking about. I told her that she's being defensive, and she told me to get the fuck out of her room.
I think I need a different roommate... anyway, Am I the Asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
3nrAhWEIVTLXTcI9uogZncVUq3ikpSwh | aqimuq | {
"description": "not understanding a joke I saw as serious",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not understanding a joke I saw as serious? | Hi AITA for understanding a joke I saw as serious?
My friend and my best friend planned to mess with me and they did by saying they had a secret between them and I couldn't find out about it. Curious to know what it was I insisted that I would find out, my friends got a kick off of seeing me irritated like that, but it got me irritated so much to a point where I got really fed up with this I told my best friend I'd tell someone important about one of his secrets to find out(I wouldn't actually ever do that, I just really wanted to find out what it was). The joke between them goes on for a few more hours of the day and it has really made me irritated because we're all friends and tell each other's secrets and sorts so I didn't see a reason for them to hide anything from me, my friend ends up teasing even more despite me having to go home quickly so I'm already stressed out and sick of their game at this point. Then finally it got to a point where I said:"I'm going home I don't have time for this." My friend got sad and then once I saw this I came back to make up with them. We both go home and call each other, they said I need to take a joke, while I argued that I do need to lighten up but this joke went too far. Feeling very guilty since my friend began to question my trust for both of them I apologized, I was still left feeling bad after that though, I know I'm sometimes too serious but it just felt like the joke wasn't funny, it reminds me of when I used to do those types of jokes with my younger brother (which I later realized he hated, so I knew I should stop) where someone or two people want to mess with you for their own personal kick out of it over an extended period of time. I don't mind if it's light jab for a few minutes to an hour, but when it's an on going joke intended to mess with you for around a quarter of your day and you're the one who has to apologize for reacting in a certain way then blamed for not trusting either of them it really makes me question who the person in the wrong was, I might be a sensitive person but this is a "joke" that didn't feel like a joke or even a funny one for that matter. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Y49QyjkM9spNjXByfAccWJyZNfehIZwF | airo51 | null | AITA My best friend is upset with me because I said I like seeing black people prosper | AITA??? My best friend and I (both 20F) and we mostly have similar views when it comes to controversial topics such as politics, guns, race, etc. She comes from a slightly wealthier neighborhood in Florida and her parents have a business. She is half white and half middle eastern so she does consider herself a minority. But she definitely still has that “white privilege” as she is part white and looks like it too. On the other hand, I’m African American born into a more urban neighborhood, lower middle class. Parents with no college degrees.
I shared a post on FB that was a screenshot from Twitter. The original post was a black man saying “I love seeing black people prosper,” and the reply was from a white girl who said, “or all people for that matter.” The response from the black guy is just “I said black people.”
I know race can be touchy, but I saw nothing wrong with sharing that post. It says nothing about putting down other races, simply uplifting my own.
She screenshotted the post I shared and she said, “so you don’t want me to prosper?” I replied with laughing emojis and said “of course I do 😂” then she actually started getting angry with me. She said, “what if I said ‘I love seeing white people prosper’ how would you feel?” Her being part minority I thought she would understand having pride in her own culture doesn’t mean you are putting anyone else down. My exact words were “It’s not me saying I don’t want to see other people prosper. It’s just saying that I specifically do want to see black people prosper because we live in a system designed for us to fail or be imprisoned.” She replies with, “That’s literally not what it says in there but okay 😂🤷🏻♀️ it literally disregards anything else besides being black.” I personally feel like a good analogy is me saying I want girls to prosper and a man saying “what about me?” Like it’s not about you, and it kinda makes me mad that she doesn’t see her entitlement showing. I did not apologize because I didn’t even write the post, nor did I say anything offensive. She told me I shouldn’t bring politics or my personal view into the conversation. When that is the only thing that really comes up in the discussion of race.
She said, “I didn’t say you’re wrong for the political side you literally shared it and when someone shares shit cool but when it’s 100% stuff you agree with like that when you share? Am I wrong? Nothing with politics was mentioned... it was literally a us vs them tweet... and that’s the truth. Put your political beliefs behind it and cool great but that wasn’t the gist of it. That was YOUR gist of it that’s not included.” I basically feel like she’s using her entitlement to include herself in something that wasn’t about her. I just feel like it’s the same principle of me saying “I like corgis” and someone getting offended that I didn’t say I like all dogs. (Dogs might be a bad example cause who doesn’t love puppies!)
Am I the asshole for not apologizing for the post? I didn’t say anything racist or offensive and I didn’t even write the post, just shared it on fb. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
3cxgCr30ZJ4rERnXHVSyVOXVxzGLTjz8 | b8ti4t | null | AITA my cat escaped when I was closing the garage door, didn't notice the cat was outside meowing until 2 hours when I went to look | I feel pretty bad, traffic wasnt bad a few cars every minute or so. My cat was meowing outside my garage the entire time, she isn't injured or anything. But I feel pretty bad as the cat was scared SHITLESS | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
77mKcMOc1ZgfbSAaGbbYmhvDx0QktHud | aw8btx | {
"description": "not wanting to reconnect with an old friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to reconnect with an old friend. | This is kind of a situation that has spaned over most of my life so sorry for the long read.
So this all started when I was in 5th grade. Our neighborhood didn't have a lot of kids and A new kid moved into the neighborhood. Wasn't long before we because friends and eventually best friends or so I thought. We had a relationship where we were rough on each other like typical guys or so I thought. We would tease and insult each other. While my insults we're pretty infrequent and superficial his got progressively more frequent and more specific to me attacking how skinny I was or weak. Eventually turned to punching my arms or legs pretty hard and wrestling me when everyone knew I didn't stand a chance. I kinda accepted it was how friends were. I was a nerd in school and didn't have a lot of friends so I thought it was normal. Eventually I started hanging out with his whole group more and more and likewise the insults occurred more and more. It eventually started really messing with my self esteem and how I saw myself as a person. At the time I just thought I was being over sensitive. Things got worse after we both lost loved ones, he developed a drinking problem and I basically through myself into work, working 40+ hours/week and going to school By senior year of high school my self worth was all but non existent.
I get to college and make a whole new set if friends, I completely 180 from who I was to who I am. To the point where I wouldn't even recognize who I was back then. I hung out with him a few times over the summer when I was back from college but we drifted apart pretty rapidly after I left. He was a lot better at this point but not perfect and I was also extremely busy with school. He eventually got a girlfriend stopped drinking and had a kid.
Looking back I know the relationship wasn't healthy and I was effectively being bullied. There's a lot more dynamic to the relationship it wasn't all bad we had lots of good times typical to a normal friendship but it wasn't all good either.
He reached out to me recently and I entertained the conversation with the standard how have you been etc. I can tell he has changed for the better but I still kinda resent the relationship and don't really want anything to do with trying to reconnect. He even reached out to my sister asking about me and why I was being distant she didn't respond and immediately texted me. I replied that I'm a completely different person and didn't want to reconnect.
I'm glad he got help and changed his life around. I had forgotten a lot about that time if my life till after he reached out clearly wanting to reconnect with me. I honestly don't want to go back down that relationship path I am very happy with who I am and where I am at in my life. So am I the asshole for not wanting to reconnect even though I can tell he has gotten a lot better and we are both in better headspace. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
qiZ6AYx484NKxTAMUEIzJUJyy1Ds3LCE | a64puq | {
"description": "not wanting to be on a profit-share team with my coworkers",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to be on a profit-share team with my coworkers? | Throwaway account.. Some context: I am in sales but I don't get a commission, I get a profit share where I get a % amount of profit after exceeding a certain threshold. Prior to December, I was on my own team and if I billed out more than, let's say $50,000, I made a % profit on the excess. So I billed out $60,000, I would get a % on the $10,000. I usually nearly meet this threshold, but I've made it a few times for a nice bonus at the end of the month. My coworkers and I each specialize in certain products and it just so happens that my products sell for more money than my coworkers'. Some of my coworkers never have and never will meet their threshold and make profit share because of the nature of what they sell and that's just their fate. I'm sympathetic to their fate.
That said, my coworkers and I at the same location were all put on the same team starting December. This was done without my input or approval. Now, we collectively have to exceed about five times the individual threshold, around $230,000, to make profit share. After that, we split 5% of the excess equally, or about 1% of the profit would go to each of us.
I hope my problem with this is apparent. Some of my coworkers just don't bring in enough money to even get close, and looking through the books, this team has never once even gotten close to $230,000 in sales in a month. I brought up my concern and was told that it's on me and the other big earners to carry the team. I'm willing to give it a few months and see how it works out, but, effectively, my threshold doubled, maybe even tripled, over night without any input from me, and then I would have to split that profit equally. I'm sympathetic to the fact that my coworkers need help, but there are others in my organization that are individual and easily blow past their profit share every month, sometimes by $20,000 or $30,000, and they don't split that with us.
I feel like I'm a jerk and like I'm selfish for being upset about this, but seriously??? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
vJsFSiInzZ6XZlhf21TPjavqOzyhJOjj | a7y2fl | {
"description": "getting really annoyed when the parents of the kids did not acknowledge that I gave up my seat for their kid",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA if i got really annoyed when the parents of the kids did not acknowledge that I gave up my seat for their kid? | I had boarded the train prior to the family of four ( the parents, a girl and a boy both around 5 years old) and managed to get a seat from a corner seat. The train was quite full but there were about 2 more seats at the other door. However, the family squeezed on the train at the last second & went over to the empty seat beside me.
The parents told their son to sit on the seat (prob because he was the younger kid) and he kept whining loudly that he wanted his older sister to sit beside him while pointing to my seat.
This small train that I was taking has seats against the sides, parallel to the doors and has only one carriage. So mind you, his whines could be hear throughout the carriage. His parents did nothing to quieten him down (honestly the seat was big enough for the 2 of them in one seat lol) and i decided to just let him have the seat.
When i got up, the parents lifted the girl into my seat and did not even acknowledge me. And their kid still continued talking loudly. Within a minute, we reached the next stop and they got off. (The stops are really short)
At this point I was rather annoyed and I said outloud to my sister something sarcastic about how they were only going to take one stop after they were out of the train.
AITA for making that comment that some other passengers probably had heard it too?
Honestly, the incident only triggered me because my soles were hurting as we had been walking around the whole day & i really wanted a seat but this is irrelevant because its my own problem....
But is it entitled of me to want any acknowledgement that I had given up my seat for their kid? Even a smile or a nod would have sufficed...... | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
08XGdKmMvCgCRKfkKGJn2X1GXYHTXKtX | ba2xq5 | {
"description": "suggesting a 'curfew' for my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for suggesting a 'curfew' for my boyfriend? | My (21f) boyfriend (21m) and I have been together for four years. We are about to move out together, after basically living with my parents for 18 months or so.
​
We have discussed potential compromises (chores, house decorations etc.) and are agreed on 99% of things. We made an agreement for him to be home between 21:30 and 22:00 on a weekday. Weekends wouldn't necessarily have a time, this is just so it is more of a compromise. The issues I have don't go away on the weekends, but I'm more likely to see my friends and family on the weekend too. This would also exclude anomalies, like concerts or family meals etc. But, as a basis, 21:30 is an agreed upon time for him to be home, with 22:00 being used as a buffer for traffic or losing track of time. His friends have told me I'm being controlling and abusive by expecting this from him.
​
The reason this is even an issue is because I have pretty bad anxiety about being on my own. My parents once left me home alone, and I couldn't handle it and had to stay with someone else. I had a rough childhood, which has left me with almost consistent feelings of anxiety. I don't mind being alone during the day, but when the sun starts to set, it's like a switch within me that makes me instantly anxious. He knows this, and he knows my past, whereas his friends don't.
​
There will be times where this isn't relevant, if I want to go and see family, or my friends, but the simple fact is that I don't have as many friends as he does. I sometimes see his friends, but whenever I am around them, it is made abundantly clear that they are his friends, and not mine, and so I try and avoid them.
​
We are due to move out next week, and it is making me feel awful that they think I am controlling him. The last thing that I would ever want is to control him. From my perspective, it is agreed upon, and actually suggested by him, as he wants to better his routine. I would never force him into doing this if he hadn't agreed on it. But, when I made this point to his friends, they said the only reason he agreed to it is because he feels bad for me because I don't see my friends as often as he does. This isn't the case at all; I like the fact that he is close to his friends, because he has a relationship with them that I can't fulfil (I really do not know how to play FIFA). I also prefer to not have many friends, as I'm a massive introvert.
​
Another issue also comes from the fact that my best friend is a guy that I dated in high school. I have no feelings for him, and my boyfriend knows this, but I know he doesn't necessarily trust him. So, if every time my boyfriend wanted to stay out late, I had my friend over, it would seem as though I'm 'punishing' him. Or that's what his friends said it would seem like. I of course would not be punishing him.
​
I don't know what to do, and want this sorted before we move in. So, am I the asshole? Is there a different solution? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 9
} | RIGHT |
UbpRek8IORK1iv5BX6PCgWgHqjie0aHr | arad0v | {
"description": "firing a pregnant employee",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for firing a pregnant employee? | Today I had to fire I pregnant woman. She’s been with my company (an at home care company) for 2 months today. She has called off a total of 4 times, 1 no call/no show, had to have schedule adjustments, and had to be removed from a household due to sleeping on the job-the client caught her sleeping.
All her call offs have been justified- she’s having a hard pregnancy but part of this job is being dependable. People depend on us to live and her calling off every other week isn’t acceptable. I feel horrible about it, but I’ve now saved this woman’s job twice now and she called off today because her back hurt- which honestly was my breaking point since she’s in a household which we watch TV in the majority of the day.
So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Qv0UHCV4yQeMEd81xwxI2qEnJbkToOac | apmlp5 | {
"description": "talking to my fiancee's friend about my fiancee's new self-harming habit",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for talking to my fiancee's friend about my fiancee's new self-harming habit? | A little backstory: my fiancée and I have been together about 8 years. However, for the past year and a half, we have been doing long distance due to me getting experience in my field of discipline and her moving away to go to medical school.
Back in the fall of last year, she started her second year of med school. She soon started letting the stress of school start to really affect her as I had found out she had started drinking heavily (she is now in AA). A few months later, I had found she was coping with the stress by smoking several packs of cigarettes everyday (she has always hated cigarette smoke). Even more recently while visiting her during the weekend, I noticed a paper towel in the trash can with quite a bit of blood on. When questioned about this, it was revealed to me that she had begun self-harming herself. She showed me her arm, and it looked like it had been cut a hundred times and was still bloody from where she had obviously done it that day. When asked who knew about this, she stated her doctor, a school counselor and two of her new friends (one of which has an extensive history of self-harm).
After returning to my place following the weekend, I contacted the other friend since she had known longer than me about this and wanted to know what her perspective was on all of this (my opinion was that things couldn't keep spiraling out of control and that she seriously needed to take a break from med school because her health was the most important factor). What I was informed from the friend was that this was definitely the first she had heard of the self-harm and even smoking habits.... Even when my fiancée had told me that her friend's reaction was to cry when she found out (fiancée later says she got confused about who knew and thought that she had known....).
Fast forward to now, this friend has decided to cut ties with my fiancée because she has said she has helped all that she can and that it is starting to affect her life. My fiancée says that I had absolutely no right to contact her friend to discuss this (I would have never told someone that did not already know) and that her doctor agrees that "I crossed a line" by reaching out to her friend. Am I the asshole for trying to talk to my fiancée’s (now past) friend regarding this new destructive habit? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
7vtIDGhgID5dn2p33movQoDq78Y9SGpP | aez88p | {
"description": "telling my fiance that my best friend is my best friend, and not her",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA For telling my fiance that my best friend is my best friend, and not her? | Ok, so first off I want to say that irregardless of me being an asshole or not, I WAS AMBUSHED. SHE TRAPPED ME.
My fiance and I are in the middle of cuddling and watching some stupid horror b-movie on our bed. Its shit so we're not really watching it. Out of nowhere, she asks me if I love her. Sometimes we have some gushy wushy love talk sessions when we're bored.
I reply, "What kind of question is that? You know I love my baby."
"Do you reaaalllyyy?" We do this a lot. Sometimes it leads to sex so its fine.
"Well of course I love my poo bear. Do you love me too."
"I love you with all my heart. You're my best friend."
"Love you too."
"Am I your best friend" as she pinches my arm, the trap is being set.
"Sure."
"Am I more of a friend than (insert name of my best friend)"
The trap is sprung, I can either chop my leg off or slowly wither away and die. I choose the latter.
"You're my best girl friend."
"(best friend) is a better friend than me?"
"(best friend) is my best friend, you're my heart."
"You're my best friend. Its sad that im not yours."
"But you're my heart."
"Whatever."
GOD DAMMIT. Shes been distant for two days now about this bullshit. The way I see it a mans best friend is separate from his wife. You have your best friend, you have your wife. Separate things.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
Jc8RR6DVvs8RiYYF51ZN6H0yumXx5hEb | anfsou | {
"description": "telling my friends to either leave their relationship problems at the door or not come over at all",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I tell my friends to either leave their relationship problems at the door or not come over at all? | Here's the scenario from a week ago. They're over at my house smoking. I was holding onto the blunt too long so my friends girlfriend (also my friend) says I need to pass it. Completely valid. He says "he paid for it don't tell him what to do"
I honestly agreed with his GF because I like to keep things fair as far as smoking among others go. Idc who pays for what. Well she gets offended and they bicker back and forth for a while and I remind them to quiet down because I don't like the yelling.
Well they give eachother the cold shoulder for an hour which leads to more bickering here and there. Eventually she says "screw it I'm going home". He says that's fine and She leaves.
Turns out she didn't actually leave. She's just sitting in the car pouting. She then decides to text MY PHONE "tell joe (her bf) if he wants to talk to me then he's gonna have to come out here"
I told him it's not worth it. Mostly because I didn't want my neighbors to see two adults arguing in my driveway cussing like sailors over something so stupid.
She could have left. She instead decided to continue the charade by not even leaving when she said she was to just drag on the drama.
I understand that couples have their issues but this seems like it happens way too often and is completely unnecessary.
At the same time I feel like I may be trying to habe too much control over the situation if I tell them to leave their arguments at the door or not come over at all.
If I did ask for that WIBTA? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
eyCwL86Bp2QW0F4rwzcvQGjb6rJzDks5 | an2zit | {
"description": "having no sympathy for my flatmate's social situation",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for having no sympathy for my flatmate's social situation | I'm currently a first year at uni, and live in university accommodation with 5 others. Whilst everyone in my flat is definitely less close with each other than what I've seen with other people's flats, we all get on well and have no issues with each other at all.
Upon meeting my flatmate (Let's call her A) she was pretty outgoing and super nice, especially when I was ill after freshers she'd always offer some sort of medicine when she saw me in the kitchen.
A short while after introducing A to friends of mine from high school, she quickly dumped her bf from home and started dating my friend from school, who we'll call B
This is where I saw issues with some of A's behaviour:
-A had essentially sealed herself off with B's friend group, making no attempt to make any friends at university or join societies/sports clubs, and A's friendship with the group rested on her continuing to date B
-A actively made an effort to not make friends even with people from our housing block. This included deleting friend requests on FB from people who had met her from the block, ignoring people on the staircase (which had offended people from the flat across), and when me and some others had plans for a floor dinner to give everyone a chance to meet people from the other flats, she would lie about having too much uni work and instead have B over in our flat.
It was clear that if A and B were to break up, she'd be left in almost total social isolation (she is friends with another girl from my flat), which is exactly what happened.
A now often complains that she has no friends at uni, but l think it's her own fault. I sat down with her to show her all the sports clubs on offer during first term, and had encouraged her to try and make more friends and go out of her comfort zone, she would agree but there was no actual effort there. She locked herself in with B and is now paying the price for it.
A had also lied to me both about the breakup and other smaller things, which made me lose the little sympathy I had left.
This being said, I know for a fact that she has problems that she's been dealing with, but I don't think it justifies her lack of effort towards expanding her social circle. I see a lot of what I was like in early highschool, but I actually made effort to change and I'm in a better place because of it.
Long story short, I've got no sympathy for someone who makes no effort to change their situation.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
YMNnA8qzoxJFOIDiX436dXoejfw1xpGT | ap88od | {
"description": "complaining about my upstairs neighbor's loud music during the day",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for complaining about my upstairs neighbor’s loud music during the day? | I know that it’s the middle of the day and it’s not like they’re keeping me from sleeping or something, but the bass from their shitty rap music is so loud that I can’t think straight. I have a huge test to study for tomorrow but I’m so pissed from the loud music that I can’t think or focus. Am I the asshole if I complain that the bass is way too loud?? We live in an old apartment building that isn’t well insulated, thin walls and ceilings. In my opinion, if you live in a building like that with other people you shouldn’t own anything bigger than a small Bluetooth speaker. I’m so angry, maybe it’s irrational. I could go to the library but it’s Sunday so it will be very busy, plus the roads are shit and it’s icy and snowy and extremely cold right now, so I’d rather stay home. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
tr8U7xo6Z8bFMleCNqhRVdeIq89SUxhY | 9v6ge0 | {
"description": "not wanting to get in an ill-begotten car with my college girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not wanting to get in an ill-begotten car with my college girlfriend. | A little bit of context:
My senior GF in college was recently given a car by her parents.
We both go to an expensive North East private college, and we both have our rent and tuition paid for by our parents.
That's fine, right?
Well, the issue is her grades are **low**...
**Low** to the point where she might not graduate, and **low** to the point that if most people had those grades, they'd get sent home with a bus pass and an invitation to their local job fair.
I told her that I can't get in the car with her because I feel like she hasn't earned it. More or less, I don't want to reward her for low grades.
Normally, I wouldn't give a shit. But she is my GF, so naturally, I want the best for her.
So it hurts to see her squander all the advantages she has. Given that she doesn't have to worry about money or scholarships
Also, because of *FERPA* I doubt her parents know her grades, and I also doubt her parents would have given her that car if they did know.
So am I overreacting and do I look whiny and jealous? Or are my concerns legitimate?
Curious to see what you guys think | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
nLy1DB0LlGIZ9gekb11Ol9cddOqBiTk0 | am2hrp | {
"description": "having some friends over that I knew my roommate has issues with",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I had some friends over that I knew my roommate has issues with? | Bit of background: I had a pretty solid friend group throughout two years of college. We all got along fairly well within our core group, and though issues arose, the close proximity meant these things usually had to be dealt with amicably.
Present day, nearly a year after graduation: I'm living with two of my former classmates. I get along with them both, though one more than the other. We'll call this one A, and the other roommate B.
Recently, B's girlfriend got into a row with one of our friends (we'll call her C) who tends to be a pillar of our group, the one who is at every gathering. This happened a few months ago, and I'm not good at keeping up with drama, but I do know that B and his girlfriend blocked this friend on every platform. I don't know how much the situation has changed, but given that they probably haven't seen each other since, I don't think it's improved much.
Recently, me and A hung out with a bunch of our classmates (without B), and we had a blast. I suggested that people come over to our place for the next bash, as we haven't had the chance to show off our apartment yet. A was on board, as was most of our group, but C said that B wouldn't wanna be there with her, and would probably take off to his girlfriend's. I haven't asked B yet, because there are two outcomes I see: either he agrees and feels the need to leave his own apartment, or he says no, and that just leaves us all feeling resentful. Thoughts?
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
WGBTGiWrvHQgrZ3pYZvQT0O9VhbSJ3bo | a2u7lb | {
"description": "expressing my feelings to long time friend/fwb",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for expressing my feelings to long time friend/fwb? | I need some clarification here, personally I don't think I'm the asshole but maybe I'm wrong. I 27/m have been friends with 27/f for about 5 yrs now and we seem to be getting closer as the years go by.
Friday night I stayed the night with her and left early Saturday morning for work. We ended up having a great time talking, hooking up, and showering together. When morning rolled around she woke up with me, made me coffee, and even packed me a lunch. I thought that was awesome and made sure to show her that I appreciated it. She walked me out to my car, kissed me goodbye and told me she loves me.
All of this put me on cloud nine, so I've been texting her some sweet messages and she seems to be loving it. Out of nowhere she got pissed off about something and tells me that all I care about is what I want and not what she wants and blocks me.
I definitely didn't say anything rude or selfish because I want to keep this going. I always tell her that I'd love to be with her. That's what she meant by me only caring about what I want. I just can't wrap my head around it.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
YhhYino790n0KxFHq7XVhqHst6ZiMoru | 9v8dho | {
"description": "telling my friend to smoke less of my weed",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for telling my friend to smoke less of my weed? | Sorry I’m doing this on mobile so please forgive any autocorrect or formatting errors.
My best friend and I smoke together a lot. For the last year, I have always been the one to buy for the two of us because I’m the only one with a job and I come from a rich family while he is lower middle class and a college student too.
In August, I basically got him a job at my work and made sure he is getting paid well (almost as much as me even though I’ve been working there for 2 years). Everyday he smokes at least a $30 worth of weed and never pays for any of it. I also buy him food and drive him places because he cant drive.
I feel like I’m justified to tell him off but he is my best friend and I don’t want to hurt our relationship. My other friends I share the weed with at least pay me for part of it or buy me other stuff if I ask for anything (like a sandwich and a drink or whatever.) | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
nLcTGNC2fRABGziI7NO8wvUgJEJoPItj | ajx4sx | {
"description": "rejecting someone in a direct manner",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for rejecting someone in a direct manner? | In all fairness I believe I am free of guilt, but I want outside assurance that I wasn't mean in any way. So at some a point I went out with friends, we went back to a friend's place to chill, a girl took particular interest in me, and then started insulting me throughout the night and throwing stuff at me when I told her that we were fundamentally too different to do well when she asked me we should kiss and we should grab a bear sometime. At that point the insults had gotten to me and I do not like dishonesty so I just told her "sorry, I'm sure you will find someone to make you happy, but that's not me, for my own good and yours". After that she just left. Her obsession with me ruined the night for everyone, as it interfered with every game/discussion we tried to have, but not liking conflict I just told her the truth rather than insulting back, despite my growing hatred for the kind of person she revealed herself to be. Anyway, should I had let her down easier, therefore making me an asshole? Thank you :) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
GoIYDFm3h3Xfu6Y9pwIplmrDARIjJhx7 | awe5d8 | {
"description": "having sex with a woman who is in a relationship",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for having sex with a woman who is in a relationship | First time post with english not as my native language so I want to apologize upfront for my mistakes.
So I worked at a Book Store and met my coworker there who was a very cool person. We got along very well and after I quit the job there we stayed in contact. I liked her but never wanted something from her but tbh she was flirty sometimes during work.
So one evening she started texting me that she misses me and that we should do something together. She suggested that we should go swimming. I kindly declined her offer because I knew that she was in a relationship with her long time boyfriend and that it would feel odd if we went swimming together. She was okay with my declinement but when I asked if her boyfriend was okay with her going swimming with other men she said that „he does not have to know“.
Now a week later I stopped by my old workspace and I talked to her a bit where she said that she was leaving in a minute and that we could go together.
I walked with her when she suddenly did not went to her place and turned to her friends house which she has keys for. She asked if I want to hang out a bit and went upstairs with her where things went to another. Afterwards she told me that we should keep meeting like that. I said I was okay with that.
I honestly feel a bit guilty for being a affair partner but am i a asshole for that?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 12
} | WRONG |
MVHJmdaNVdKfPS0NObYOHB8fRuXgBgke | arrwsz | {
"description": "blowing up at my son after he failed to meet my expectations by not getting into UC Berkeley or UCLA",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 68
} | AITA for blowing up at my son after he failed to meet my expectations by not getting into UC Berkeley or UCLA? |
My personal background (this is relevant, I promise): I’m the youngest of 4 brothers and the first in my family to go to college. My parents have retired from rust belt factory jobs, and my 3 older brothers currently work at similar jobs. Meanwhile, I obtained a doctorate in experimental physics and currently work at a large, internationally known tech company.
My son is a smart kid. No doubt whatsoever. Straight A student until sophomore year of high school. He’s probably read every book on World War II in the local library. He self-studied high school level mathematics as a fifth grader. In middle school, he captained his school’s quiz bowl team for all 3 years and led the team to a second place finish at a national level competition. His teachers even gave him special recognition at his 8th grade graduation. In short, he was an excellent student.
I worked as a lecturer for the introductory physics courses at the local state university while my son was in elementary and middle school. I wasn’t particularly enthusiastic about teaching but hey, it helped pay the bills and I was (mostly) liked by my students. Over time, I slowly began to dislike my teaching job. At the same time, I created a plan for my son’s future education. To that end, I studied for and obtained my RHCE certification by the end of my son’s 7th grade year. I applied to several smaller companies in the SF Bay Area that summer and obtained an offer from one.
Now, here was my plan for my son: Since the state I was living in at the time (Louisiana) did not have a good public university system, I wanted my son to attend high school in California. That way, he could get in-state tuition at either UC Berkeley or UCLA. Even though those schools are not easy at all to get into these days, I had every reason to believe that my son had what it took to get in.
I accepted my job offer, rented a room, and drove to California right before the start of my son’s 8th grade year. My wife, son, and daughter stayed behind because there wasn’t enough time to look for an apartment, sign a lease, and move across the country before the start of the school year. Also, I wanted my son to spend all 3 years at the same middle school. The spring after I moved, I flew my family over to California for a week to look at apartments and high schools. Eventually my wife, my son, and I decided on Henry M. Gunn High School in Palo Alto.
My family and I moved into an apartment in Palo Alto in August 2014. The rent was outrageous and the apartment had only 2 bedrooms but I was willing to put up with it for the sake of my son’s future. I remember an incident about one week after my son’s freshman year started. After dinner, I asked my son how he was doing at school and what he thought about California. He said that the weather was nice, the other students were mostly friendly, and that the open air campus was a refreshing change from his middle school. But then he started crying about how he was having trouble making friends in California and that he missed his old friends in Louisiana very much. I reassured him that he would make friends in California as well. But then he said “Dad, you don’t understand” and went to his room.
My son did end up forming a small circle of good friends during his freshman year. As the school year went on, both of my kids said that they wanted to visit their old friends in Louisiana over summer break. I said that they could as long as they got straight A’s, which they both did.
In the past, my son was never particularly into video games. He did play some Pokemon and Mario Kart in elementary/middle school, but those games never affected his academic performance. When he was in Louisiana, his old friends introduced him to a game called League of Legends. It’s also important to know that when my son becomes truly interested in a subject, he will obsessively research it. There is a reason why he read almost every book on World War II in the library when we lived in Louisiana.
For reasons still unknown to me, my son’s interest in League of Legends began to rival his previous interest in World War II. I once caught him playing at 4AM when I went to get a glass of water. He started watching streams when doing homework. I tried several methods to limit his amount of time spent playing League of Legends, but he found a way around them every single time. When I wrote a shell script that limited his time spent on League of Legends to 90 minutes per day, he partitioned his laptop’s hard drive and installed OS X on the other partition. When I created a firmware password so that he could no longer partition his hard drive, he biked 4 miles to the Apple Store and had them reset it. When I resorted to confiscating his computer, he cried and said that League of Legends was one of the most important ways he had of staying in contact with his old friends in Louisiana. I told him I would return it if he got straight A’s on his mid-semester progress report, which he did. I honestly shouldn’t have given it back, because he ended up getting 2 B’s at the end of that semester.
League of Legends honestly ruined my son. Academics were never his primary focus anymore. He went from getting straight A’s to having 1-3 B’s per semester. In the spring of 2018, my son’s college admissions decisions came in. My son was rejected from 8 schools (S/A-tier UC campuses + private research universities), waitlisted at 2 (UC San Diego and UC Irvine), and accepted at 2 expensive out of state public universities (Purdue University and the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign). Throughout that spring, I held out hope that my son could get off the waitlist at either UCSD or UC Irvine. When that did not happen, I told him his options:
1. Enroll at either Purdue or UIUC, despite the financial strain it would place on the family
2. Enroll at UC Merced, the bottom tier UC campus
3. Attend community college for 2 years, then transfer to UC Berkeley/UCLA
I was not enthusiastic about (3) because I felt that it would be difficult to transfer into a S-tier UC from a community college. My son was similarly unenthusiastic because he didn’t want to live at home for 2 more years. He was even more vehemently against (2) because he felt that UC Merced was beneath him. That left us with (1). I thought “I’ve already lived for 4 years in this 2 bedroom apartment for the sake of my son’s future and I have a decent amount in my savings account. Sending him to the best university he got into will be worth it.” My son eventually chose UIUC over Purdue because he was admitted to EE at UIUC vs Physics at Purdue.
After his first semester at UIUC, I had my son show me his grades. To my great disappointment, his semester GPA was only 3.0. I sternly told him that I did not pay tens of thousands of dollars in tuition just so he could give me such low grades. He then replied that college was a completely different experience from high school and that even people with 4.0 GPA in high school find it hard to maintain 4.0 in college. I disagreed with his assessment, but since we were on vacation in San Diego at the time, I only told him that he should work harder next semester.
This leads to the incident this past Friday, my son’s birthday. I called him that evening to wish him a happy 19th birthday. Our conversation went something like this:
“Happy birthday son. In case you didn’t read my last text yet, I just paid your tuition for this semester”
“Thanks dad.”
“Don’t forget what I said in San Diego: I didn’t pay all that money for you to get 3.0 GPA, so can you promise me that-”
I didn’t even complete my sentence before my son started raising his voice.
“Dad, can you fucking quit it with the obsession about grades? Ever since high school you’ve never-”
Now I am pissed.
“Son, do you know what you are? You’re a disappointment to your mother and to me. We sacrificed so much to send you to Gunn so you could attend Berkeley and look what we got in return! Your friends are at Berkeley and Stanford because they worked hard and got straight A’s in high school unlike you. Also, they’re probably applying to all sorts of internships right now but you? You’re afraid to show your face at a career fair because your GPA is so shit! They’ll throw your resume straight into the trash! You know all too well how I grew up in that factory town and how hard I worked to be where I am today. I don’t even want to call such a lazy shit like you my son anymore. You must at the very least-”
At this point, my son hung up. I tried calling back him but he never answered. Around an hour later he texts me:
“Dad you’re such a fucking asshole. A real father would never call his son the shit you called me. You know what else a real father would not do? Create a grandiose fucking plan such as yours for his son when his son is too young to fully understand it. Why the fuck did you move me to California when you knew full well you were taking me away from the network I built in Louisiana? Maybe you could have given me some god damn emotional support in high school when I needed it. Instead, you spend all that time fucking with my computer trying to stop me from playing League. Guess what? That just made me want to play it more. Jokes on you, Dad. I might just have gotten into Berkeley if it wasn’t for your constant fucking interference regarding League. That was the entire point of your fucking plan, right?”
So Reddit, am I the asshole here for being pissed at my son for wasting tens of thousands of dollars with nothing to show for it? Or is he the asshole for not working hard enough in high school? Or are we both assholes?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 68,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 68
} | WRONG |
TEhwXcg8jrkbrCVxXD8GFc3kZH2AgAcv | b4j4kv | {
"description": "calling myself a marathoner or saying that I completed a marathon",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 28
} | AITA for calling myself a marathoner or saying that I completed a marathon? | Using a throwaway since I moderate a few other subs.
A few years ago I ran in a marathon close by my hometown. I ran the mini-marathon which I think was 5k. My tshirt says marathon, my finishers medal says marathon as does my beer glass they gave me. To me, I ran a marathon. I'm a good athlete but in things like yoga and horseback riding and running this race about killed me and I want the credit. I'm a marathoner.
I went to a party last night with my sister (who I don't get along with very well at all) who runs like 100mile races in California and I was talking with her friends about my marathon finish and she got so mad at me. She told me that I didn't run a marathon. I told her I have the Tshirt to prove it. She always goes back to insulting my appearance and I won't say what she said here but it was along the lines of "you're a f@t asshole, not only in this situation but all situations and this is why we don't speak!"
Am an asshole for this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 23,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 28
} | WRONG |
7DJH6guWzRJNV8xUJRMqRuMpfHMvwjS4 | au3k2b | {
"description": "not giving my college partner money",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not giving my college partner money??? | So, yesterday I was waiting for the bus with a college partner (x) very late in the night. There were few people and the lighting was poor.
A homeless guy who wanders frecuently around the bus terminal asked me two pesos for his ride and I gave them to him. He left in his bus inmediately.
My bus came and I board it with X who promptly asked me for 20 pesos. I said no and X started complaining about me giving money to a homeless but not to a "friend"
The discussion ended with me stating that he only talks to me when he needs something from me and our "friendship" breaking.
Also, he always spends lots of money in food and he always eats alone in order to not share. Obviously I said this to him.
So AITA for this??? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
cvRaRgeepcMWNyRzv9ZEgh5o8NM2nFTP | anyuht | {
"description": "needing help to park my vehicle",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for needing help to park my vehicle? | I was in a new city for work and was going out to eat some place. When I arrived at the place the parking was horrible and I'm in an awkwardly big vehicle. So I see a man that was guiding cars to be parked. He motions me into a spot and I try to park.
The spot is a narrow and I run into difficulty parking. So the man comes and helps guide me into the parking spot. Im 90% sure that I would have hit another vehicle without his help. The whole thing probably took around 5 minutes and when I'm done I say thanks to him.
Then he says I could thank him with money. I didn't have any cash on me and offer to buy him some food. He refuses and tells me to Fuck off. After I Pick up my food he asks again for money and I offer him my fries and he scoffs.
I typed this on my phone sorry. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
f0OQkNeWxIYFKXZrSy09dftdUo6bbBFL | b0826v | {
"description": "being upset over not being a Bridesmaid",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 24
} | AITA For Being Upset Over Not Being A Bridesmaid |
Throwaway here because people know my regular account.
I’m getting married in June. I’m going to have my friend Jim as my dude of honor, and my friend Jane as my bridesmaid.
Jim and I have been friends since college, but my friendship with Jane is longer and a bit more complicated.
We started to be friends in high school where we were friends with two other girls (they’ll be important later). Typical teenager and 20 something drama happened, and I’m not close with the two other girls anymore. One straight up said she didn’t want to be friends with me anymore, and I guess the other friend just followed her lead. I’ll admit that Jane and I used to be closer when we were younger, and we drifted apart but I still considered her a close friend.
When I got engaged I asked Jane to be my bridesmaid. When I asked she was kind of hesitant. She was engaged too and said we’d probably be planning weddings at the same time and she was worried she wouldn’t be able to devote a lot of time to my wedding. I told her it was going to be super laidback and she wouldn’t have to do much and that I wanted her there, so she agreed.
Planning the wedding has had its own ups and downs (lots of drama from family), but Jane has been a good enough bridesmaid. My friend Jim has been planning my bachelorette, and they both went to see me get my veil. I think she could stand to be a bit more involved, but considering distance and time she’s doing enough.
When Jane first got engaged, she wasn’t even sure if wanted to have a traditional wedding. She was talking about doing something really small and only inviting immediate family and close friends. It turns out that she actually is going to have a ceremony and reception in the fall.
I awkwardly found out over dinner after pushing her for wedding details that she was planning on having bridesmaids, and I wasn’t one of them. She claimed it was because I live far away (not really, we live on different cities on the east coast and are about a train ride away) and she didn’t want to bother me because I’d be busy with my wedding and marriage.
To make matters worse, the two girls I had a falling out with are of course in the wedding.
It hurts so much since I assumed we’d all be together during our weddings. I’m hurt. Jane and I went through a lot together and I really wanted her to be a part of my wedding. I’m hurt that she doesn’t feel the same way.
When I told my mom she was shocked and said how rude Jane was. My fiancé said it was okay to feel hurt and that it was a dick move, but that Jane also has a right to have whoever she wants in her wedding party.
Am I wrong for feeling like this? Should I confront her? I don’t even know if I want her in my wedding anymore. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 24,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 16,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 24
} | WRONG |
VrBNjlp8E5wsvebhIc4hXf7kYlLbjiWi | b3bi5k | {
"description": "demanding my full security deposit back",
"pronormative_score": 32,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for demanding my full security deposit back? | In my state the landlord has 90 says to either return the security deposit in full it a partial with an itemized list of deductions. Knowing that I set a Google calendar alert for 90 says after my lease termination.
After I got my alert, I waited a few more days, then sent an email asking about my deposit. The LL then got back to me with an itemized list of charges. The state statute is very clear, after the 90 days LL forfeits any right to withhold anything from the security deposit. I pointed this out in a reply, and demanded my deposit back. LL is now claiming I'm using a technicality, they're also claiming that they could have charged more but were nice not to.
Keep in mind also, according to the statute, LL could end up paying treble damages if I have to sue for the deposit. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 31,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 32,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
mpNMiJE4edDbhu1P1vJX0tx8IBdbmDmx | anhmgh | {
"description": "waiting to meet my long distance girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for waiting to meet my long distance girlfriend? | I’m in a long distance relationship with me living in Australia but my girlfriend living in Canada. We made a plan that she would leave her family (which was somewhat abusive) and come back to Australia with me, but before this I’d live in Canada near her since I’d be 18 waiting for her to turn 18 so we can leave (she’s a year younger) and now she said she just wants us to live in Canada but I have hang ups about living near her family and I don’t really wanna leave mine. I said I’d wait longer to go if that was the case since instead of just needing money for a shit apartment for a year I’d need money for a house. We really wanna meet but this new plan has caused some backlash towards both of us and she’s sticking with it. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
5igL6bLAQWavppULxIm5kERYMlEjtajO | a0pfaq | {
"description": "yelling at my Sister and Father, who came to pick me up",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA For Yelling at my Sister and Father, who came to pick me up? | I asked my father to pick me up from high school today because he didn't have work, so he drove with my sister to do just that. So my sister texts me telling me that they've arrived and are parked near an elementary school across from Store 1. She also tells me shes on the road perpendicular to a large, main road. However, there are two elementary schools on opposite sides of my high school and coincidentally, they're on the exact same road (and both on the opposite side of the store). I admit I might be a little ignorant, but I only knew of one of the elementary schools so I headed towards that direction. I walk down the entire length of the road (about 5 min) and still don't see our car, so I decide to text her again. I'm getting a little frustrated at this point and I ask her where they are, and a couple of minutes later she asks why I'm not calling her. I facetime audio, ask her where the car is, and tell her my location. We have a short conversation about where the car is and I tell her where I *thought* the car was (I'm sure both of us sounded frustrated), and she replies "why would you think that? There's so much traffic over there. *You're stupid."*
I'm pissed. We argue on the phone and eventually hang up. I know where the car is, though, and once I get in (after my 5 minute walk back), she says, "So you made it." I reply, "Yeah, but you didn't have to call me a retard over the phone." We proceed to yell at each other, her blaming me for not picking up the phone (my phone has a prepaid sim card and I ran out of money. I was using a portable hotspot for facetime and imessage), and me claiming that I didn't know about my phone or the other elementary school. My father joins in, yelling at me for being an ungrateful prick and eventually threatens to throw me off the car. He doesn't hear me out and I doubt he knew that my sister called me a retard.
I do think it was a stupid argument, but I still want to know if i was the asshole. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
WcD7fOHiYuXi040cXvXCikqa93F9hjFG | afn6je | {
"description": "getting pissed that my boyfriend has avoided me while I was sick and alone",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting pissed that my boyfriend has avoided me while I was sick and alone? | I have had the flu for the last week and have been doing horribly. High grade fever for two days straight, weak and fatigued, just super shitty in general, missed 4 days of work. My boyfriend, who I don’t live with but have been dating for about a year and a half, is a foreman in the construction industry, and has known I’ve been sick the entire time. In fact, he had stayed the night prior to the morning it hit me like a ton of bricks. He mentioned several times that he “better not get it”, which I understand, he can’t really miss work when he’s running the project.
Anyway, we’ve been texting the whole time I’ve been sick, and he’s been sweet and all, but absolutely refused to come by even when I told him I was hallucinating from a fever and a little frightened being by myself, which I legitimately was (100% not trying to be manipulative or whatever). I’ve been lonely and feeling like complete dog shit and several times almost passed out when I stood up which legit scared me. At one point, he asked me if I was eating and drinking enough and I had told him that I hadn’t been able to keep any food down for a couple days but that I had been drinking water. He asked if I had Gatorade and I said no, and that I was in no shape to leave the house to get any. He insisted that I should get some, but didn’t offer to get it himself or bring it to me, just that “you probably really need it”.
I haven’t had anyone else helping me out or coming by and he’s been fully aware. So am IATA that it’s now been a week and I’m full on fucking pissed that he’s avoided me this whole time? Like, I’m starting to feel better and I don’t even want him to come over now, he just texted me to see if I wanted to watch a movie tonight and I *really* feel like telling him to fuck off, but I haven’t replied yet. Again, I understand that it would be really shitty for him to get sick for plenty of reasons, but ffs, is it asking too much that my boyfriend show up and comfort me or just make sure I’m physically ok?
Someone help me out with some perspective please?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
mHFiI4vecwEeqI7Ju4HVZ4nPDV0DYtvR | abnae3 | {
"description": "using an offensive word that I was confused about",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for using an offensive word that i was confused about? | Throwaway because I’m pretty sure they use reddit,
In a discord server we were talking about stuff and i said become a trap (in the way like in animes where the boy looks like a girl, such as felix from rezero) then one of the mods said that trap was offensive and i was a little confused because i didn’t truly know how the word worked and if it was offensive or not.
Also whats an alternative to describing characters like that? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
9LPPFyEA78Gj4dsie18RE45Bq6SJi476 | azvjcg | {
"description": "planning to propose to my gf without telling my group of friends",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for planning to propose to my gf without telling my group of friends? | I've been with my girlfriend for close to a year now, it's not a perfect relationship but i fell as though we've sorted our issues with each other. I know a year is a little too soon but she's my other half, we're perfect for each other and she has given off some hints that she wants this as well (maybe not this soon). Anyways my group of friends are like my brothers, i love them all but i don't really talk about my girlfriend when i'm around them, i like to be quiet about that kind of stuff now because i bought her a £1,200 YSL bag for her birthday and they ripped me to shreds about that cause we were 4 months into dating so i'm scared of how they would react to me proposing to her a year into dating even though i know it's the right move. I have her parents permission and her sister has been helping me set up this proposal but i want my team there, if they aren't it won't feel right. I plan to "pop the question" in early May. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
nj6XxorEZi2HyyxKwM8P8Q3cF9ojm5x8 | b2c592 | {
"description": "leaving work on time",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for leaving work on time | So I work at a Mexican grill and Sundays are understaffed because you know labor. So to make sure the schedule gets passed by the district manager my manager schedules me from 11 to 2. Now I already have an ankle injury so my goal is to get out of there but he expects me to stay until 5. So basically I finished washing dishes and was ready to go I said I was gone to my morning manager as I’m clocking out the night manager who makes the schedule ask where I’m going. Basically I say home and that I’m done he says you know we need you until 5 and there’s gonna be more dishes so stay until someone comes for night shift. I say I gotta go and leave so AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
X543vmttYbr9ML2qxSYE6OSVpIkGud7q | b84biw | {
"description": "keeping the baby",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | WIBTA if I kept the baby? | TL;DR I might be pregnant. I want the maybebaby, so does SO. But I’m clinically depressed and have a moderate drinking problem.
The highlights are that we’re a “stable” (stable in that our relationship is strong and we’ve been together for 10+ years), suburban couple in our mid 30s. We have 2 other kids in the house, both of whom are pretty demanding due to being on the spectrum/mental health issues. We have a stable income and live in a well to do middle class area with good schools etc. My SO and I always discussed having 1 more child, especially one close in age to our youngest who is almost 3. Our 3yo is suspected to be on the spectrum but diagnosis pending until she’s a bit older. I have been unable to work for the past year due to severe depression and chronic anxiety. I am medicated and in long term treatment but still highly symptomatic. I’m also a “reactive drinker”. When my mental health spirals, I tend to want to escape into a bottle (or 3) of wine. I don’t get drunk in front of the kids but it does upset my SO. He and I both actively monitor my drinking and I hold myself accountable to him and my counselor about what and how much I drink. It’s an openly discussed problem and I am using my support network to improve. When I’m not depressed, I don’t drink to excess.
I am pro choice and am considering whether or not I should terminate this pregnancy. My SO would understand but I’m not sure he would be able to accept it. I too would hugely regret a termination. But when I look at our current circumstances, I’m unsure that we would/could be good enough parents to another baby, and how the extra stress would impact our kids. While we could financially support our family, and would love another child as much us our current kids, we’re a bit fucked up right now.
WIBTA if I kept the baby knowing it would be born into a difficult home/family? I’m so torn. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
mCOcMgLkTIogFxidKIMcUpkWky3feNCt | a8j8s2 | {
"description": "not caring about what my friends say",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not caring about what my friends say? | I've lost interest on lot of my friends as I grew up, especially classmates, they would oconstantly talk about topics that I'm no longer interested on, I couldn't just stop being friends with them, that would mean losing almost all of them, whenever I'd bring a conversation about something I love, they'd still listen and keep up with me, and I've just been found out yesterday by 2 of my close ones by accident, they've said that I've been acting like that for a while, got into an arguement with them, ended up being called an asshole, and a selfish betrayer.
I don't hate any of my friends, but I'm pretty tired of acting as If I'm actually interested, faking a smile or a laugh gets really painful after doing it for years.
It probably obvious that I am indeed an asshole, but it's just something that cannot be helped, you can't really force someone to love.
It's currently week-end so I'll have 2 days to think about what I should do since I have no idea whatsoever.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
pryi2WVFb1QL6hp3wqp0t0aCNN0tjzj7 | a84srl | null | AITA cause of my "masculinity"? | I'll keep this short as I can and I am typing on my phone so please bare with me. so I'm in a relationship with a women and last few days she seems to keep having digs about men . Granted where she lives guys are genuine dicks and toxic with their masculinity. I have 2 examples to give of recent digs in the last 2 days.
First one was where she had a go at me for me being a typical male when I said to her of my friends plan of getting engaged to his gf this time next year . She has turned around and said that he is testing her and it is not fair on her at all as if she needs to prove herself to him. I disagreed then my gf then proceeds to say that I am being a typical male who has a wolf pack behaviour with guys and is dangerous to think it's ok.
Second example earlier today. It's so small I can't believe she had a go at me . She basically misspelled something and I just said don't worry I know what you meant . She then says I need to stop doing that and let her correct herself and that it is not about me it's about her correcting herself and that I don't have to be so masculine about it.... I really am confused and basically left it at that...
I really feel a bit concerned for the future at how frequent this is becoming to the point I am thinking I'm an asshole | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.