id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
0Xiq9YGRcmHbrChVXHiAQhFUPP1YfJpi | aoixgv | {
"description": "calling someone out on their toxic relationship",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for calling someone out on their toxic relationship | Okay so my friend decided to ask out this girl that I’ve known for a while. And honestly I was happy for them, they seemed cute for the first few months, but after that, he was starting to become very toxic and a hot head. Going off on her with every conversation they have, talking shit about her and her family, how poor she was etc.
I told this girl multiple times to break up with him but she doesn’t want too, she’s too afraid and is the type of person that doesn’t put her foot down. It was getting annoying for me since she keeps on complaining about how toxic he is but simply doesn’t do anything
So one day after this guy was getting pretty mad on a ps4 party chat I told him to please shut up. When I said that he told me to stop being a hypocrite because I was also complaining about him complaining. So when he started that I told him that he’s an asshole and that he’s the most hypocritical guy I’ve known. Going off ranting about how his relationship is so toxic and how he should stop abusing her. Now right after I said this we go back and forth about how I’m the toxic one instead of him
He talks about how I have a court case about a few accusations about me and brings up a girl I use to date and I had a toxic relationship too, all of these where old news as I’ve move past it and made myself a better person, I’m just wondering if I was in the wrong for me to call him out on his relationship | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
nTKmU94ZQFGfyjLeBvdUK64cWFtqUQcj | aj99de | {
"description": "not wanting my bf to look at porn",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA For not wanting my bf to look at porn | The title is a bit overexaggerated to be far..
Backstory, we have been together 3 years and engaged for 2 years. And I've never had a problem with him watching porn and masturbating while I'm not there, I mean I do it when I'm alone so no problems there. We have each others pascodes on everything and I never feel the need to look at his socials. He occasionally goes through my Instagram when he is bored. I don't have anything to hide and I thought he didn't either so it's fine.
About 2 weeks ago while we were laying in bed talking and being on our phones, I noticed on snap that he had this girl posing and taking a video of her tattoo on her leg. You could see that she was naked and almost saw her vagina. I ask him about her and apparently she is a friend that I never heard of. According to him they had never hung out either. My boyfriend then ask me if I want her removed. I told him "I'm not telling you to do anything, do what you feel is right". I don't want him do stuff against his will. He then proceeds to look at the rest of the Snapchat stories(other people) and almost all of them were of naked girls or some sneak peak to get you to buy something.
We start talking about it and he says that in the last 2 or 3 months he started adding all these people who post sexy videos and slutty photos on Snapchat and Instagram. And that he likes to watch them in secret while we lie next to each other in bed. He likes the feeling of looking and trying to not get caught. He told me he was feeling a bit guilty when I found out but he just likes doing it.
I haven't told him I'm uncomfortable with it because I feel like if I told him I don't like it I'm being controlling. Would I be the asshole if I told him to stop or that I don't feel comfortable with it? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
CUehWcs4fXqjD3hg7QN2eln5czT9GZ1r | a4gqvw | {
"description": "filing a noise complaint",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for filing a noise complaint. | TL;DR
My neighbours across from my house were being loud and messing around with sparklers after the 11pm curfew on excessive noise which I was going to ignore as it wasn't to much of a nuisance but still pissed me off yet I ignored it.
Then as it passed midnight they set off a firework a whole month after Bonfire Night. I then phoned the non emergency police line to file a complaint and thought to leave it at that.
I then noticed them come out the house trying to clean up and hide any evidence of them doing it so I told them I phoned the police and they were on the way (not technically true as it was a minor complaint compared to anything else happening on a Saturday night in my area) and they went back inside.
Next it what really sent me over the edge. They proceeded to set off a box type firework which sends out multiple fireworks and ran into their house screaming and laughing. I phoned the non emergency line again to update them and now I'm here.
So am I the asshole?
TL;DR
Annoying drunk girls set off fireworks at midnight a month after when you're supposed to and filed a noise complaint with the police.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
RnvwUjoZCVg9h9ifwdgp7XMdBSyHHo3l | aq4iee | {
"description": "taking food off my friend's plate without asking first",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 242
} | AITA for taking food off my friend's plate without asking first? | A group of us (all girls) went out for dinner. I sat next to a cool girl I've known for about six months who's pretty playful but with sarcastic side to her. I do enjoy her company after getting to know her better.
I am a pescatarian and I ordered the prawn dish. It was huge and I invited everyone to have a piece. She declined and continued on with her chicken plate. She never offered me any of her plate, which I thought was weird since I offered her my plate.
This girl is tiny and I noticed she had two untouched plantains she hadn't eaten along with some rice and bits of chicken that she had partitioned into sections on her plate. It really looked like she was done with her meal. I announce to the table, "Okay, I can't stand this anymore," and I reached over and I stabbed her plantain with my fork and shoved it into my mouth. The entire table was silent and watching me chew and I felt so awkward right after I did it. She looked at me with daggers in her eyes and put her fork and knife down and said, "You know, I really hate when people eat off my plate."
I tried to make a joke out of it and lighten the mood by making kissy noises, but she wouldn't have any of it. She looked disgusted with one eyebrow raised shaking her head, and made more snide comments, like she was really irritated with what I did. While I never apologized to her, I didn't think my action warranted her strong reaction, especially since I was open to sharing my food with her.
When it was time to leave the restaurant, she boxed up her uneaten food and the one remaining plantain in a doggy bag. Weird. Why wouldn't she lighten up since she wasn't eating it anyway?
Later on that same evening, we all went out to get ice cream and everyone was discussing what flavors they were going to get. She already ordered and was eating, so I was going to ask her what flavors she got, but before I could say anything, she moved away from me and said, "Don't touch my ice cream."
I don't understand how a playful girl could turn so hostile toward me. Was I an asshole in this situation? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 242,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 242
} | WRONG |
04jKyDvMxiiYEL77wcCAeTPsnzbNTX1D | a0qmja | {
"description": "getting into an argument with my girlfriend for wanted to get off the phone with her",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting into an argument with my girlfriend for wanted to get off the phone with her | My girlfriend always wants to FaceTime me. And yeah it’s nice but it gets so annoying. Like I want to be by myself and actually get stuff done when I at home by myself and not just sit there and FaceTime her. I love her to death but it’s just so annoying. For example tonight, I got home from work and just like that I get a call. I just pulled in literally. And I picked up and I was like “I have to get a lot of stuff done and I have to get a shower and stuff can I just call you later” and she just ignores it and keeps talking. And keeps talking and I keep saying that and eventually I get mad and say “I have to go” really sternely. And she gets mad at me because she thinks I’m calling her annoying and not wanted to spend time with her. She guilt trips me into it a lot of the time by saying “I miss you” and she gets mad at me when I want to get off the phone and actually fucking get something done. It’s very annoying. And then we usually get into a big fight and she’s like “SORRRRY for wanting to spend time with my boyfriend” if anyone can help me out with that I’d appreciate it and tell me if I really am the asshole for that. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
oGedx53lqY3Ceb12kmlOlpvdLGykhOHr | arovfw | {
"description": "wanting the airplane window shade up when I specifically booked a window seat",
"pronormative_score": 29,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for wanting the airplane window shade up when I specifically booked a window seat? | I get a bit claustrophobic on flights and always book a window seat when I travel. I usually only need to take short domestic flights for work and the window shade has never been an issue. A few months ago, I was on a long haul from Europe to the US. I had a window seat in business class. Seats were in a 1-2-1 arrangement so I had the window on one side of my chair and an aisle on the other.
The flight left around 2pm local time. They served the meal fairly quickly after take off. I still had my tray in front of me and was gazing over it out the window when the flight attendant reached over me with a tray to shut the window shade. I asked what she was doing and she said the guy across the aisle wanted to sleep. I told her I booked the window seat for a reason and wanted it open.
The guy all the way across the aisle has a sleep mask and it was the middle of the afternoon. I also had a cross-stitch with me to work on during the 12 hour flight and needed better light than just the overhead lamp. The FA made some snippy remark about us needing to compromise and "allowed" me to put it partially back up.
AITA for keeping the shade up? The guy never talked to me before getting the flight attendant. She never talked to me before slamming it shut. The other passenger could block light with his sleep mask, pillow, and blanket since we had lie flat seats in little compartments and I paid $5K for the window seat. Why should I be forced to "compromise" and sit in the dark during the middle of the day? I wouldn't have thought twice about it because I've always believed the person in the window seat controls the shade but when I got up a while later to get a bottle of water, I noticed my shade was the ONLY one open on the entire plane. I started to feel like ITA but I don't sleep on planes and need to be able to look outside so I don't feel so trapped in a metal can. Before I take a similar flight, what is the protocol for this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 27,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 29,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
C4F561BZ3gS8NSwxXXZdZu8HMCghELj2 | amfka3 | {
"description": "leaving a job a just started",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I leave a job a just started | So I started this new job a month ago after it was a scramble to find a new job, as the job I was doing before Christmas told me they wouldn’t need me after the 6 week break.
(INFO: I worked at a high school as a Teachers Assistant and the school holidays are 6 weeks long during the Christmas/New Year period.)
Anyways I scrambled to try find a job and was luckily enough to find one as a News Reporter for a small local paper and owned and ran by 1 person. She basically hired me the day I submitted my resume.
I had to wait 4 weeks before I could commenced the new role and during the time I put a feeler out to see if the primary school were looking for Teacher Assistants. As I really want to be a Teacher and I was currently in the midst of studying that would make me eligible to start a teaching degree. However I’ve had to stop my studies because the new job is so unpredictable, I never know when I’ll be called to do something and then I’m expected to drop everything I’m doing.
The News Reporter role has turned out to be a too good to be true sort of job. It’s a work from home while the boss works from another state. The boss glossed over a lot of details and really made it sound like the perfect job. (I even had to push a weeks long doctors appointment which I had been on a waitlist for, back because my boss was coming to town to ‘train’ me but proceeded to not give me one ounce of training) Besides the boss being a pain to deal with I just really don’t feel like the job is a good fit for me. If I had known and been told it was going to be like this, I would’ve passed it. If I had known my boss would be like this, I would’ve made a hard pass.
Luckily the primary school have finally got back to me since school has started and they would like me to work for them. I really want to take the job, as it will help me towards my goals towards becoming a teacher, but I feel shit if I leave my current job. Like I’ve wasted not only my time but the boss’s. I guess I know I will burn a bridge regardless how I handle the situation.
But I want to know if I’d be the asshole if a quit a job I started a month ago because of a better opportunity? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
CUXBdupS5mWUuNE1byTwkKLW9c4WGmfi | aznqxk | {
"description": "kissing my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 16
} | AITA for kissing my best friend? | Don't know if this really belongs here, but I feel like an asshole and I need some outside opinions. Strap in, this is a long story.
Three years ago, I met a woman online named Amanda. We quickly became close friends, she introduced me to her other friends, and I ended up falling in love with her. She had a boyfriend though, so I never told her and tried to suppress and forget my feelings.
Last December, she said that even though she was in a relationship, she still fell in love with others and wanted to talk to her boyfriend about polyamory. Eventually I plucked up my courage and asked if she loved me. She said she did, so I confessed that I've loved her for awhile.
For the next few months, we flirted like lovers whenever we could. Our schedules changed so we could spend every waking moment with each other.
When I asked if she wanted to marry me, she said she did. That she would, if there weren't so many barriers for us.
One of those barriers being that I live in Illinois, she lives in Texas. We had been planning for me to come meet her for awhile, but with this new relationship we had, I accelerated our plans.
March 3rd, I got on a plane and went to stay with her for a week, to meet her and all our other friends. Before I left, we agreed to set aside our flirting, since she never asked her boyfriend about entering an open relationship.
The week went amazingly. The greatest week of my life. I was to leave early on the 9th, Saturday morning. On Friday, her and I were alone in her room. We were waiting for our friends to show up so we could go to the mall.
I started talking about how I've had an amazing time, thank you for letting me stay and being so incredible. She did what she always does when I compliment her, which is deny it and say she's just a normal person, nothing special.
I didn't really think things through. I just thought "show her how amazing she is" and the next thing I knew, I kissed her on the cheek. The shy smile on her face dropped as she got up and left the room.
She texted me a few minutes later saying she felt violated and disrespected. That I broke her trust. We went through with our plans when our friends arrived, but she barely even looked at me for the rest of the day.
When we all got back late that night, her and her boyfriend talked alone on the porch for over an hour. She came in briefly and told me that they were probably breaking up and I needed to get a Lyft to the airport.
It turns out, she told him everything we had done. That she cheated on him.
When I finally got home, I was told by a mutual friend that Amanda never wanted to speak to me again, and that they agreed with her. I've now been blocked on almost all social media by many of my former friends.
My family and what's left of my friends are trying to convince me that she is the asshole for leading me on and throwing me out. I think they have a heavy bias here, so I want an outside opinion.
So, hey Reddit. Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 13,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 16
} | WRONG |
dV4YT64swtIAZxuoe5zK0fAQTWYsES3r | ahf01q | {
"description": "ignoring my friend for talking with a creep",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for ignoring my friend for talking with a creep | Okay so I'm in highschool and one of my best friends (who I'm like a mom friend to) is a freshman at 14 years old but she has autism and tends to act a bit younger than she is,, yea.
Recently she got a new boyfriend, he's a senior and was held back 2 years and is currently 19 years old, they really only bonded over liking the same video games or something like that,, but yeah I tried to be nice but I was really emotionally vulnerable that day and let it out pretty quickly that I thought her dating him was a bad idea and made some pedophile jokes (and some other jokes like about her original character note I'm an artist, she's a roleplayer and was probably more mad about this than the bf jokes but that's not really the point)
She got really mad at me and the person she decided to talk to was a guy I'm going to call SR.
I went to middle school with SR, and I didn't know him that well then but I didn't really like him,, I was kind of forced into sitting at the table with him bc all the gay kids with no social skills kind of sat with each other at lunch then,,, lmao. SR was kind of known for being creepy back then too, despite me telling him I'm asexual multiple times he would always make sexual jokes near me,, and would increase the amount when my other ace friend asked him to stop because he didn't like her. Also he made jokes about how bc me and that girl were ace that "I'm sure having a pussy in your face would turn you on" and shit like that. He never made these jokes around my friend to my knowledge so I don't think she knows the extent of how uncomfortable he made us.
Now I share two classes with him, and I can't even get out of them because they're mandatory gym and health classes, one of the teachers even pairs us together because he thinks we're friends. He also won't leave me alone, when I ask him to leave or try to join a different group from him he starts cursing me out, and won't stop until I agree with him (he's like a crazy boyfriend but we're both gay) recently he has made lots of references to pedophillia and rape, he was talking about how his friend said when he was in 5th grade he had sex with an 19 year old, and when I said like "hey that's not okay its literally statutory rape" he was saying things like it's okay because he consented and things like that
Anyways my friend talks to him, SR a guy I've been telling her makes me really uncomfortable, and has been borderline harassing me and some of my friends for months now and has recently been making sexual jokes and stories referencing child molestation, that I was being mean to her and that called her boyfriend a pedophile.
He went fucking nuts on me
He was in my face calling me a stupid Bitch, and saying those weird sympathizer things like "is a 17 and 18 pedophillia" or "it's not pedophillia bc that's only prepubescent kids" I literally had to leave bc he gave me one of the worst panic attacks I've had in weeks, I couldn't even breathe properly.
When I got home I messaged her not to talk to me because I don't know why she would talk behind my back to SR of all people, someone I told her I really hated.
I feel really bad about it now, I want to say I'm not even mad at her for dating the guy, that I'm just mad she talked to SR about it, but I can't even imagine talking to her after this.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
M5Koz1T5OKQM8mkLs8yOGJriVPDajiDi | aup2pc | {
"description": "telling my ex to get bent after she requests an apology",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my ex to get bent after she requests an apology? | Dated this girl for about 6 months nearly 10 years ago. We were both undergrads at the time. She was diagnosed bipolar with a history of substance abuse and risky behavior, and I was not the most stable college kid either. I didn't find out about the diagnosis until after we started dating.
Given this, I'd say the relationship went about as expected. We got together and had a blast doing all of the dumb, impulsive things that undergrads do.
She ended up cheating on me on a trip out of town one weekend. I tried to forgive her, but the relationship deteriorated quickly from there. We split up a month or so later, and she immediately slept with a few of her old friends and made sure to tell me about it. She'd then get fucked up at a party and call me to come pick her up and take her back to my place.
So, being the smart, mature dude that I was back then, I willingly participated in this shitshow for a few months. She would occasionally talk about getting back together (which I did want back then), but then would flip and shame me for staying in her life and stop talking to me for a while, only to repeatedly initiate contact. This went on for a few months after the breakup.
Eventually I graduated, got a job, and moved out of town. She continued to contact me with the whole I miss you and also I hope you die thing. She would occasionally tell me that I was a shitty person to her and that I should apologize. So I did apologize several times for my admittedly shitty behavior during and after our relationship. I tried to sever communication, and really went through a period of reflection and self-improvement, to ensure that the shitty actions of my youth didn't carry over into my adult life and hurt anyone else.
So I end up meeting someone, and the relationship gets pretty serious. When this news reaches my ex, she goes ballistic. Once the threat of her doing something to herself settled down, she again starts emailing me with the same stuff. I realize that I should have blocked her, but after several threats and serious attempts, I was afraid she would try something. After several years of this, I get engaged. A few nights before the wedding, she contacts me again asking me to admit to her that I hurt her. I ask her to kindly fuck off, telling her that I'm getting married and that she needs to come to terms with the fact that we'll never be together.
That was over 3 years ago. The other day, I get an email (on a new email address that I know she got from one of my "friends") from her asking how I'm doing and asking me if I ever realized that I was a shitty person to her, because she needed to know that I realized it.
So Am I still The Asshole? Should I continue to feel bad about something that happened almost a decade ago in University, despite repeatedly apologizing, trying to learn, grow, and be a better person because of this, and repeatedly trying to sever communication with this woman? AITA for wanting to again tell her to fuck off? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
QF2mzRZCdXQjr11fgx95bpmGllbwe1Nv | ar7ncm | {
"description": "drinking at work",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for drinking at work? | Throwaway account for legal/work reasons.
Background:
- I work at a bottleshop where it is accepted culture by my boss/manager to drink at work. It is a franchise.
- I live 5 mins drive from my casual job
So I've had a shit day, and I'm on a shift with my assistant manager/good friend. We usually have a beer or two at work, whilst working, and it's never an issue.
Today I had three drinks, unfortunately those drinks were 2 standard (Australian) drinks per bottle. So I would have been over the legal limit driving home. I texted my partner, who also lives 5 mins away from my work, and asked if he could pick me up when I finished which he agreed to. This isn't an odd occurrence and sometimes he will pick me up when I have been dropped off or when I've walked to work.
When he gets there and finds out that he's picking me up because I'm over the limit, he loses his shit. Now he isn't talking to me because I was drinking at work.
I understand this is against his moral code (he doesn't drink) - but it is accepted behaviour at my workplace and my decision as an adult to make. Drinking is how I unwind. I've messaged him and apologised, but he won't answer me back. AITA here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
DxCWb3pVXNVF7lSyslKBEJVtTJS9rXVO | az8s14 | {
"description": "breaking it to my father that his step daughter snuck marijuana into his house and had him unknowingly drive with it",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for breaking it to my father that his step daughter snuck marijuana into his house and had him unknowingly drive with it? | So long story short, my step sister is the epitome of fucked up, had to leave West Virginia and come to her mom's in Florida. My dad, her step father, made a 16 hour round trip drive in one day to pick her up and bring her back. She's supposed to be going into a drug program, but my step mom and step brother caught her with weed last night. They're all laughing about it, but my father doesn't like that in his house, especially with a junkie. So instead of flushing it and telling him, they're letting her keep what she has till it's out, and just not mentioning a word to my father. Who, by the way, is the only one with a job or any source of income in the house, and pulling crazy overtime to pay for the other 3 grown ass people under his roof.
I enjoy a good toke every once in awhile as much as the next guy, and my father hates it, but respects its my choice. His choice is to not allow in his house, and I think that should be respected. So am I the asshole if I screen shot the conversation with my step brother about the whole thing and send it over? Or am I the one in the right with this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
6BumIWyPdarYLpBGZYwkkiMQmGHGdNF4 | amaik1 | {
"description": "being mad at my little Sister over a sensitive topic",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for Being Mad at My Little Sister Over a Sensitive Topic? | Hello lovely citizens of Reddit, I am u/SomeColdHuman. To give some context to the story I am about to tell you all: I am 13, almost 14, and I have a 9 year old little sister. We're both huge Nintendo fans, and our Switch, especially Splatoon 2, is a huge bonding point for us. 9 months ago, I came out as gay to my parents, but my sister doesn't know yet. Anyways.
Me and my little sister, whom I'll call Kyana, were turning on our Switch one Saturday morning. Recently, in the Plaza (the hub world where you can post writings and drawings) it had become a running gag to joke about being in the LGBT+ community. I looked up from my phone to see my sister scoffing at the many posts, reporting some as she went. The conversation went something like this (This was a few weeks ago so it's paraphrased):
Me: "Hey Kyana, what are you doing?"
Kyana: "I'm reporting all these posts."
M: "Why? There's nothing wrong with them?"
K: "It's just... Weird. It's nasty, I don't want to see it anymore."
At this point I was starting to lose what little temper I have, and went back to my phone to ignore her. Since then this has died down as the trend and frequency of posts has, but I can tell as her brother she still feels the same. I know she's just young and doesn't understand fully, but I'm so scared to talk with her about this. So Reddit, I must ask.
Am I The Asshole?
P.S: Sorry if this looks bad, it's my first post and I'm on Reddit Mobile | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
79neN5y19UeUrFfUTvmsg5Azq1mWwQc4 | apaf3l | {
"description": "thinking miss-formulating questions to only have 1 acceptable answer is bad for conflict resolution",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for thinking miss-formulating questions to only have 1 acceptable answer is bad for conflict resolution? | Recently broke up with the ex bf who held this belief, but trying to be open minded and see if I really am in the wrong here.
If we were arguing about something, he would always quite aggressively ask me questions that were worded to at the same time support his side and be impossible to answer in any other way. Imagine this hypothetical scenario:
*i am paying bills on my phone. We are 8 months into a rocky relationship, have discussed the housing market in general and what kind of loans we each could get, in general terms, but have never broached thd subject of living together. He sits down beside me and sees what I do.*
- Can I see what savings you have?
- No? That's private information.
- So... What do you think I'd do with that information? Do you not trust me??
*I am excitedly talking abour where we are going. I am notorious for getting lost often, but rarely know exactly where I go wrong. Me not finding my way somewhere is a running joke among friends and family.*
- look bf, that's the church! On the map it says the place is north of tbe church but left of the fountain! Look, there is the fountain! So, let's go that way? :D
*gets us lost. He is angry that my instructions got us lost. I say if he objected to my instructions their whole derivation was laid out and open for correction if he felt I was wrong. He claims I sounded like I knew where I was going and I shouldn't sound like that unless I am sure. I claim that he should know me well enough after 2 yrs to know that when I am excited I speak in exclamation marks.
- Oh, so you are saying I should never be able to trust you??
I am not claiming to be the angel here or being right or wrong in each scenario. I simply think such questions, forcing me to either say something I don't really stand for, or forcing me to agree with his side, are not helpful in a relationship. They make me feel cornered and manipulated and makes me feel like he does not care for my opinions only that he "wins". He claims such questions are very logical (being yes/no) and therefore being very helpful in resolving a disagreement.
Am i the asshole for not agreeing?
Tl;dr; Are exaggerated questions like "So you don't think i should be able to trust you??", "So you want me to ignore my feelings and only care about yours??" and "So you think I should never look at another woman's chest again??" helpful to resolving conflict? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ArR3iRaOmZMT8ypCqMB1iRsQQwGnqG84 | ac6gv1 | {
"description": "blocking my family on social media",
"pronormative_score": 36,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for blocking my family on social media? | Like the title says, I currently have my mom and sister blocked on all social media platforms. I also have blocked all of my sisters friends on social media.
They say it’s rude and disrespectful because I’m not letting them see that part of my life.
When they were my friends on social media, however, they would screenshot a lot of my posts and make fun of me, or they would get pissed off by what I post.
On Snapchat, I posted a picture of a vaporizer with Koi CBD products, stating that the product was helping me tremendously with my anxiety and depression. It was screenshotted by my sister, sent to my mom, grandma, and dad, and before I knew it I was being CAPSLOCK YELLED AT in my family group chat.
Apparently vaporizing makes me look immature. My sister asked if I was still in middle school. To top it off, CBD is a cannabis derivative, and therefore people will think I’m using weed illegally.
They told me to immediately take down the post.
Me, being 20 years old, said no, I’m sorry, but I’m not taking it down. You can unfriend me if you don’t like what I post.
Additionally, I have bad luck, and sometimes I like to post about it to give people a laugh. For example, one Snapchat said “throwing up at work and boss said “ok”. Gonna be a long day today, wish me luck!”
I was told to immediately take down the post. Why am I such a Debbie downer? No wonder why I don’t have any friends if I’m constantly complaining on social media etc.
I told them, hey this truly isn’t a negative post, I just am posting about my bad luck.
Same thing happened when I was driving the golf cart and my job at a country club and it started pouring rain. I videoed myself being poured on and golf balls flying at me, I thought it was hilarious. Apparently I was being negative, and again was told to take it down.
Three strikes and your out I guess, I blocked them because they don’t like what I post and I’m constantly cocksuckered by my entire family for anything I type or decide to share with the internet.
Can’t post a picture of a glass of wine either, because i don’t turn 21 for another 6 months and god forbid anyone knows I had a drink before I turned of age.
Anyways, I’m on vacation and they’re mad that they’re blocked. I told them, they don’t like what I post, they refused to unfriend me, so I simply took actions into my own hands.
AITA? Maybe social media shouldn’t be used at all for anything about my personal life and instead I should be friends with my family and be careful?
I feel like I’m not TA, but my family is pissed for a reason.
Reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 36,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
rAyXXTr1oDg708lTFtmofNvdOl82yxUa | a4fkdv | {
"description": "being upset my partner chose to use a giant picture of his secondary sports team he's on in the acknowledgements of his phd advancement rather than me or his parents or his professors or his study buddies",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for being upset my partner chose to use a giant picture of his SECONDARY sports team he's on in the acknowledgements of his PhD advancement rather than me or his parents or his professors or his study buddies? | I feel kind of petty writing this, but I was totally flabbergasted when he excitedly called me over to show me part of his advancement talk.
(For those not in the know, advancement is a part of getting a PhD, I don't know how it works at all schools in general but in this case it means he's done everything he needs for his PhD except his dissertation. It's a very big important step along the way, the next stop is basically defending your thesis/getting your PhD.) His advisor has been having him put it off (He really could have done this 18 mos ago) to have him get some papers published.
So anyway, he's been working on this SPECIFIC presentation for WEEKS, it's super important, and more than that, it's a culmination of the last five years of work he's done.
And, yeah, he does mention his professors, his parents, and I on the acknowledgement page, and I wouldn't have cared if there was no picture at all, but I felt very diminished and overlooked when I saw this huge picture of a sports team he sees maybe once a week as the main focus. A lot of people have done SO MUCH to help him get where he is -- he did all the work, I'm not trying to take anything from him -- but it's inarguable that his parents and I have rearranged our lives to support him. I moved across the country to a state I promised I'd never live in again, because that's where the best school who accepted him was located. I pay his taxes at the end of the year. I put money into his Roth IRA. I arrange MY LIFE so he can use MY CAR because he doesn't have one.
Here's the thing that really confuses me and pisses me off -- it wasn't even his main sport. He has a sport where he was a professional coach for YEARS, and he works out with THAT sports team at LEAST three times a week. He's involved with tournaments and teaching new referees, he is SUPER involved.
So WTF is this other for-fun sports team that he barely even sees or practices doing front and center of the acknowledgements?
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
G3XuRNiXgWDr5KwkzRJc0pVt33WgzVZv | b29f8b | {
"description": "not wanting to be best friends with my best friend anymore",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to be best friends with my best friend anymore? | So before anything I'd like to say that I don't want to cut ties with her completely, I just think maybe being best friends isn't the best idea anymore. Now that that's out of the way, I'll start.
Me and this friend met early last year, let's call her honey, later on we met 2 other people, let's call them jester and safira, that later on became my best friends (still my best friends).
The story becomes abit complicated and confusing here but I'll try and explain it the best I can. Last year we got into a few fights with honey, when we asked her what was wrong she always told us in a sarcastic tone "oh, it's NOTHING. " either that or she'd tell us to figure it out ourselves. So at one point we decided to go to the school counselor to talk about it, turns out she was angry at us because I was hanging out with jester more then her (safira is a year older than us so she had her own friends her age she usually hung out with). And I realized "oh fuck, she's right" so after that I started to include both of them so it would be fair. Stuff was good but then we'd get into fights more frequently, and this year I found out she's pretty hot headed. This one happened almost every time, every time we try and figure stuff out and sort out an argument at one point we'd just go back to square one, every single time (also to add alot of times when I tried to talk about what I feel about what she's doing to me, she cuts me off and tell me what I'M doing to HER that was upsetting HER, which led to me never talking about what she did to me). So, last year is done.
Now it's 2019, one month in already stuff isn't going well. Then jester said she was to moving schools, of course we were both sad since she was moving the same week she told us she was moving. So after jester left things were fine and then they started getting bad again.
An instance of me having enough of her crap is her trying to invade my personal privacy, . I bring my journal to school everyday so whenever I was stressed, anxious or anything of the sorts I would write in it and it would make me feel alot better when getting my thoughts out. Alot of times she'd ask if she could read it and every time I'd say no. And then she started trying to take it from me even when I said no multiple times. But honestly this one's kind of my fault, last year I had a similar journal I'd write my thoughts in usually I'd let her read it since there was nothing in there that was too personal or anything. This year I got a new book, I still would let her read it for some reason, then when things started getting more personal in the book I stopped letting her read it and now here we are. Recently it's been getting worse, there were multiple times I had a mental breakdown either because of something she said or me being scared of what she wants so I don't upset her. I should also mention she has really bad family problems which might lead to why she acts like this.
If you have any questions then feel free to ask me. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 1,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
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} | RIGHT |
ORwiwFehJxMQSzeWISvxEGn2e5KFgCYz | am3wu5 | {
"description": "being upset on how I'm treated",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being upset on how I'm treated? | My (34f) husband (44m) got in a huge fight last night and he just doesn't get it.
I've been wanting a dog for awhile now and he's aware. We have 2 cats and 2 ferrets. We had 3 ferrets but 1 was really old with multiple health problems, which he had when we adopted him. He passed away. A week ago. My husband wants to get another one, but I don't. I do all the work for all the animals. The only thing I don't do is the cat litter box because of a health issue I have, my doctor says I'm not allowed to clean it.
So I brought up the issue about the dog. Before I could get a full sentence out, he cut me off and said, "We're not getting a dog, that's final!" He was extremely rude, belittling, and treated me like a child. I was just trying to have a discussion with him about this and he completely shut me down. This isn't the first time. He does this whenever he decides he's right and I'm wrong. But whenever he wants something (like the $1000 lightsaber he complains about) I always listen to him and then explain to him why we can't afford it at the time. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells because there have been times where I day something direct, like - "Hey, do you think you could clean up after yourself in the kitchen? Thanks!" He gets upset! I'm direct (but tactful) and I can't say things in a direct manner because he flips out and accuses me of "blaming" him and of being "overly critical". He also does this when it comes to the kids. He has a 15 year old son from a previous relationship and I have a 5 year old son. My son has chores and does more things around the house than my husband or my stepson. My stepson has no chores, constantly has issues at school for not turning in homework, and spends all of his time sleeping or playing video games. When I bring up the issue of my stepson doing some chores or helping out around the house, he accuses me of being lazy and foisting my housework off on the kids.
I'm not upset about him saying no about the dog. I'm upset that he seems to think his word is law and rules our house like a patriarchy. Our relationship is very unequal. He acts like I'm a child - what he says goes and I'm not supposed to argue about it.
This morning (the fight happened last night) I tried to explain to him why I was upset, and he thinks it's all about the dog. He doesn't get that it's not the dog, it's his behavior! He thinks he had no choice in the ways he treated me and refuses to acknowledge any other alternative, though I gave him several.
He even texted my friend last night and blamed the entire thing on her, because it's "her fault for making (me) want a dog". She's done a lot for us, more than anyone else, but he says he has no respect for her. He refuses to see that this isn't about the dog. He thinks if it weren't for the dog thing, this never would've happened. Yes, it would, it would just be about something else because you repeatedly treat me like a child. He refuses to take any kind of responsibility for his actions and I'm to my breaking point.
Am I wrong? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 25,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
BMJQJez9QxXmzT1VmDIx6oZx2TR1E2Hb | a38059 | {
"description": "wanting to leave my girlfriend and pursue a new life overseas",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for wanting to leave my girlfriend and pursue a new life overseas? | I'm 39 and she's 31, so we are not young. We have been on-and-off for several years. She's a wonderful person and I live her, but all my life I've wanted to live overseas. My business is finally taking off, allowing me to do it. But I also want to provide for her and help her pursue her dreams.
Part of the joy of living overseas is forming new relationships, and I don't want to restrict my ability to have romantic relationships by being in a long-distance relationship with my gf.
I'm actually really torn up over this. I'm even going to see a therapist, though it's not helping; I'm still overcome with guilt at the thought of breaking it off. She thinks we're going to be together. She wants to have a child in a couple years and live together. I have told her we can do that, though I've always harbored this dream, and now I have the chance to make it a reality. I am terrible at communicating my feelings and desires, so I've kept this dream mostly hidden.
Am I the asshole if I break it off? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
tQrwkctsyPcLlTa6tbdWs3NUxpsy0TEN | a4yrij | {
"description": "cutting parents out after pregnancy reaction",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA? Cutting parents out after pregnancy reaction? |
Since teenage years, I have always struggled with my relationship with my parents. The maintenance of a relationship and most interactions with them are almost certain to be negative and stressful, which takes a huge toll mentally. I have been in a happy and stable relationship for 18+ months now, with someone I had known 2 years prior. Parents met him 12 months ago but did not embrace him anywhere near close to how they embraced past SO’s. Fast forward a few months & we are getting nowhere with them & it is taking a huge toll on me mentally. SO struggling too from the perspective of he can see first-hand the affect it was having on me. We both tried to speak to parents about it on numerous occasions and work out a solution, to which they fiercely rejected all. The only solution they’re willing to work with was to only have a relationship with me & were happy to make me live two life streams – one as a partner to SO and one as a daughter to them. From that point, I decided to cut them out and get on with building a life with SO - rather than work on what I felt like was a brick wall with my folks.
I started speaking to them just over a month ago, shortly after SO & I found out we were 7 weeks pregnant. Given our history with them, we deliberated whether to tell them early. Finally we decided to tell them early, as figured they would be resentful later down the road if we didn’t. They live in a different time-zone, so I chose email to share the news with them. Admittedly my email was very formal as I chose not to put any emotion into it for all the above reasons. Father replied “Don’t contact me directly anymore, do it through your mother or siblings. I can do without your drama. Good luck in your endeavours and hope things work out the way you think they will.” Mother shortly replied in the more excited fashion which opened up a dialogue between us – she even started whatsapping SO!
Things chug along okay with mother, with me and SO keeping her updated on baby progress via email and whatsapp. Late last week, she shares that she and father wish to visit and spend some time with SO & I before baby arrives & wish to visit it Feb. This seemed very odd to me as Father has not spoken to me since his ‘do not contact email’. SO and I agree to the visit but I ask them to find alternative accommodation – as I do not want my father in my house after his hurtful reaction & behaviour in all of this. This opens up a can of worms, one thing leads to another and mother is upset I won’t ‘just forgive’ my father or let them (him) stay and cannot understand why I am confused that he wants to see me. I’ve literally spelled it out that until father pulls out of his denial and addresses his appalling reaction to my pregnancy, he doesn’t get to play a part in it – child born or not. Mother is very excited and ‘makes the effort on behalf of her father’ she has expressed father is excited and happy – but I have had no contact from him in this regard.
SO and I do talk about how it would work if I decided I wanted to cut all ties with them again and I have not replied to any further correspondence from mother.
AITA 1 – For not ‘just forgiving’ my father and moving on?
AITA 2 – If I do decide not to have anything to do with them, even after the baby arrives?
AITA 3 – Am I unfairly punishing mother for father’s denial?
AITA 4 – for anything else here?
Sincerely,
Confused & Hormonally Baby-Brained.
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
F6ZOp0quHZ8rPbcZZMtgP0Tx38kr42L4 | b537l7 | {
"description": "telling my husband I don't want the kids eating my food",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA if I tell my husband I don't want the kids eating my food? | I have a pretty restrictive diet because of a medical condition. I am basically on the keto diet with a few additional restrictions. I have been with my husband about a year and a half and we just got married ten days ago. He has two daughters from a previous marriage.
His daughters constantly want to eat what I buy for myself. I have tried buying extra and keeping some for myself, but it doesn't work. They just go in and eat it. I feel bad telling them not to eat it, because it tends to be something healthy. But, I end up not having something to eat occasionally.
The only solution I can think of is to tell them they can't eat things that are bought for me. I don't want to, but the house is filled with food they can eat and I have so few options. But, I don't want to be the asshole. :( | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
YUruNrsOGog53qDMHYAJVhJ8XxIB5FS6 | b3yo5w | {
"description": "not giving a full two weeks notice to my boss",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for not giving a full two weeks notice to my boss | Full disclosure - this is my first post ever. Long time lurker, but due to my situation, I thought this might be a suitable first post. (Throwaway because several people I know scroll reddit and are active on this sub.)
I struggle with severe depression and anxiety. Over the past few months, I have really struggled mentally with my job and have been beyond miserable. My job absolutely attributes to my depression. I've had several days where I want to up and just quit with no warning, including several days over the past few weeks. This week I was offered a new position. After thinking it over, I decided that it was in my best interest to take the new job for my overall mental health (better pay, better benefits, close to home, similar hours, but most importantly not doing something I hate.). With that, I just can't see staying there for two weeks given my current mental state. I'm checked out and would literally be just a body in a seat after handing over my projects. It would be a waste of the company's time and money. So given that it'll take about a week to hand things over and scope out everything I've been working on, including instructions, I decided to give them just over a week's notice (next Friday) instead of two weeks.
My boss was not happy (to put it lightly) I'm leaving and extremely upset that I'm only giving him a week. At this point, while I appreciate my boss and genuinely like him, I just can't do it anymore. I don't owe anyone my happiness but I still can't help feeling like an ass, given his reaction.
So reddit, am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
k4LRsga7vCKhLA7pYWE6X3NFkTLNvhIG | b4lkzz | {
"description": "not wanting to celebrate my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to celebrate my Birthday? | Obligatory throwaway cos I have friends who know my main, formatting cos of mobile etc etc.
TLDR at the bottom.
So for most of my teenage and adult life I've hated my birthday, here's a few main reasons why:
No friends and heavily bullied during SCHOOL years which resulted in me being a pretty solitary guy, much better and a little bit more outgoing since growing up but still I can't stand being the centre of attention in any situation.
At 18 (big deal where I'm from) during college with people who were considered my first real good friends who didn't bully me and genuinely looked out for me, out of the 5 or 6 people who were supposed to be going out for a good night out, exactly 0 turned up, all making crappy excuses in the last hour before the time we're supposed to be out, my brother and parents basically took me out instead but it was incredibly depressing. Few more null birthdays followed, just a cheap and cheerful family meal which is fine but nothing I'd call special or memorable.
At 21 (another biggish deal day in my culture) with a completely different group of people, the exact same thing happened as my 18th, I went home after being essentially stood up and just went to bed. 25th rolls around and by this point I have pretty much given up on the idea of any sort of special day so I make no effort to make anyone aware of the day and it goes pretty much the same as any other day, with the exception of a nice cake or pie baked by my mother.
I'm hitting 30 in a few days and my gf doesn't seem to or is struggling I guess to understand why I hate this day, why I'd rather be at home doing my own thing without a care for anybody else in the world and definitely why I don't want to go out.
Idk if ITA or what on this one? I think I just wanted to vent cos this hits me hard every year it rolls around and this sub seemed appropriate.
TLDR not had a birthday that didn't turn to crap, don't want to celebrate or do anything on my 30th and GF doesn't understand why, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 8,
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} | RIGHT |
ttWqi9H3Z6xL1JNI2mwVtLfEEHTx1RxF | ax1806 | {
"description": "not wanting my girlfriend to go alone to a convention with a man she met online",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting my girlfriend to go alone to a convention with a man she met online? | A bit more complicated than the title suggests. They have been "friends" for 5 years, and by "friends" that means talking on and off every few months online. She insists she's never found him attractive and they've never flirted. And that's okay. I trust her, I would never expect her to cheat on me. And in probably any other case I'd be fine with it, she's a smart girl she knows how to be cautious.
​
It's a little more concerning than that though. See, they \*have\* met once. At the same convention she wants to go with him now. By chance, after they had already started talking. "by chance" she insists. You meet a man online, then you run into him "by chance" at a convention, in the same city - at the same place. And he recognises you. I did mention she's a smart girl, but she can be naive. She insists he's not a creep and she knows him very well, but again she's never really talked to him outside of friendly chat and small talk. I don't really believe she does.
​
A few other annoying details that contribute to my annoyance with the situation. She's texted him during dates with me before. Which I've let slide after saying it's not really cool. She has other people she's supposedly close to but she talks to him more. A LOT more. (I know this because she has a habit of telling me all about who she's talking to recently).
​
I've told her that I'm okay with it if she goes with other people as well. She claims she wants to but is having a hard time finding others. She stubbornly insists that I'm being unreasonable by saying that I'm not okay with her going alone with him. That's my issue, if she could at least see where I'm coming from maybe I'd be okay with this. Obviously, she's not my property and I would never force her to. But I have told her that I feel as though I'd be disrespected if she ignored my feelings all together. She doesn't agree.
​
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
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} | RIGHT |
USVMLUmdSPLDpeHA1nrJrkxXagYpf4Uk | aqwvb9 | {
"description": "bringing up a conversation about how the Valentine's Day went",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for bringing up a conversation about how the Valentine’s Day went | Me (20) and my bf (20) have been in a relationship for 2 years. This is my first proper relationship and I like him a lot. For our first valentines, I went over at his uni accommodation and spent the day over at his place and we just chilled inside the whole day.
For context, I live away from home for uni and he’s moved back in with his parents..This year, he had uni and is very busy with his coursework etc and I had work so I wasn’t expecting anything. All day at work I kept hearing about customers and coworkers talking about their Valentine’s Day plans and how it’s going whilst I hadn’t even received a Happy Valentine’s Day from my bf.
Only around 8pm he texted saying he completely forgot it was today until he saw people holding roses in the train. Told me he had planned to send me roses or whatnot but completely forgot cause he was buried in work. He could’ve still made it up to me by calling me and just asking me about my day or whatever but not even that. I just feel so hurt and not feel cared about.
Would I be the asshole if I brought up this conversation with him and spoke about how I felt? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Gixqv7OMYL2vlcG3c26WThsXe0huijJ2 | b6o1zx | {
"description": "asking out my friends crush",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | WIBTA If i asked out my friends crush? | So I be liked a girl for a while now and earlier this week my friend revealed that he also likes the same girl. Would it be wrong of me to ask her out? Some background info is that I asked out his crush before as a joke (ik that's a dick move). WIBTA? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
Kffp9aSVJPKcwbLHZ1T5dfjTlhS4OtVc | b7pbgt | {
"description": "telling my teenage son the real reason I left his father",
"pronormative_score": 220,
"contranormative_score": 54
} | AITA for telling my teenage son the real reason I left his father? | My ex and I split over a year ago. He had been cheating on me. He wanted to and still wants to work through it, but that’s not even a possibility. I have a son who will soon be 16. The divorce was hard on him, especially because he didn’t understand why it was happening. I just told him that his father and I couldn’t make it work anymore and that these things sometimes happen. It’s never been a good enough reason for him.
His father takes him every other weekend. He’s been filling my son’s head with ideas of us some day getting back together. Then I get to explain to my son that it’s not going to happen. Of course at that point I get to deal with his anger at the situation. The way he saw it was that I kicked his father out of the house, split up our marriage, and am now unwilling to even try to work through it with his poor victim of a father.
Ive talked to my ex about him bringing our son into our issues before. His response was that if his son is going to come to him to talk to him, he’s not going to lie about his feelings. To which I responded, no, but you’ll sure leave a hell of a lot out of it to make me the bad guy. Then it just turned into an argument before he left.
My son was giving me attitude recently and I got to the bottom of it. Apparently my ex is being evicted and my son wants me to let him sleep on the couch until he finds another place. I said that’s not going to happen and he said that’s why he didn’t even ask. Then went on about how this used to be his house too and I’m the one who divorced him and won’t try get back together. It’s not fair that I treat him like shit over nothing.
I had enough of this bullshit. I told him it wasn’t over nothing, his father had been cheating on me and he got caught. He’s the reason our marriage ended. It was his choices that got us here and he can sleep on the street as far I care. My son said that I was lying and stormed out. After he calmed down he came back, but doesn’t want to talk about it. I’ve been trying to give him some space to process everything.
I do regret that it came out in anger instead of though out discussion, but my ex misleading him has been getting his hopes up for nothing and then damaging my relationship with him when I dash them. I tried talking to him about it and he kept it up, I’m not sure what else I could’ve done. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 27,
"OTHER": 216,
"EVERYBODY": 27,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 220,
"WRONG": 54
} | RIGHT |
rXFoiLEPjd9pUrsYCPmKEfGmdtOUKc82 | anl3dy | {
"description": "thinking the allowance situation is unfair",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA for thinking the allowance situation is unfair? | First post, and I’m on mobile, so excuse my formatting and such if it’s bad.
(To stop people from being biased, who the people are and their genders will be hidden because I know some of y’all are just Like That.)
I, a teenager, live with one of my two parents. (PA.) The house we live in is also occupied by a couple other family members and a few pets. I do chores, and get allowance for it. However, my allowance comes from my other parent (PB) who doesn’t even live in the same state as us.
I think it’s unfair that PB pays my allowance instead of PA, since I’m not doing the chores for PB, but every time I mention this (once in a small while) I am told that it’s none of my buisiness and that I “need to shut up about it” or something of the sort.
TL;DR: Am I the asshole for wanting PA to pay my allowance since I’m working for them and not PB? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 14
} | WRONG |
3hekBJnMdhOyGOGw6EcZHDyG8eUuzswc | aybld8 | {
"description": "refusing to play piano in front of my mother and her friends",
"pronormative_score": 54,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for refusing to play piano in front of my mother and her friends? | Every single time my mum has friends over she talks to them about how great a pianist I am and insists that I play her favourite song (interstellar theme) for her and her company. At first I thought it was sweet that she was proud of me so I happily played, however recently it feels like she has an ulterior motif.
Instead of enjoying the music itself it feels like my mother just wants to flaunt me in front of her friends. I feel used in the sense that mum puts me up on a pedestal as if to say ‘look at what my son can do, what can your children do’. The main reason I feel this way is because she rarely asks me to play when nobody else is around and the parading manner in which she talks about me feels gross.
So tonight, I got home late from university, was pretty tired and didn’t really feel like appeasing her by playing for her company. She playfully requested for me to play multiple times to which I politely declined, multiple times, until I just straight up ignored her request and continued to walk to my room. Feel kinda guilty, she was pretty upset. AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 28,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 26,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 54,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
3DjnVEZI1kdZVBXz0wH8eWe0gMO27nY1 | anzlje | {
"description": "not wanting my sister to come over",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting my sister to come over. | So just for clarification, I'm 18 and my sister is like 24 (We're out of touch so idrk). Anyways to give some background me and my sister used to be very close back in the day. I still recall memories of when I was like 10 or so and I would follow her around all the time. To say the least, she was a very good older sister, she would always wake me up for school, make me breakfast, and overall just take care of me. My mother back then was always working so it was always up to my sister to take care of me. (FTR she didn't go to school, she is kind of an illegal immigrant lol)
As I got older right around 14\~15ish she began to treat me well to put bluntly like shit. At first, I honestly didn't think much of it. I was a teen by now and was well aware of how sibling relationships can get as you get older. But as we both grew up progressively we became more and more apart. Down the line, she married this dude and got pregnant. But it wasn't until later when my niece was born that she became a full-blown dominatrix. Legit I dunno why but she became this self-centered cunt who could quite frankly not give a fuck about anyone other than herself or her child. Before I go any further lemme give you a little background on her. she came over from South America (illegally) when she was 16 and lived with my mother and I until she was like 19. She lived the wildlife, to say the least, I remember my mom would always tell her to get a job and help her out a little bit because legit she would just sit around all day, party at night, rinse and repeat. Eventually, she said fuck it and moved out and in with my aunt. Which later she would meet her husband at a club and moves in with him, marry him and whatever. To say the least, shes had it very easy thus far in life. Shes managed to live without even having to lift a finger or work a day in her life.
So anyway going back when she becomes a mother. Like I stated earlier she became very self-centered. She would go on and on about what's good for her child and be very vain about how she's the world's perfect child. How my niece is smart, beautiful, etc. My mom kinda ate that shit like nothing saying things like "She sure is!" and shit like that (dick riding her basically). But me, on the other hand, didn't really eat that shit at all. That's not to say I don't like my niece and all it's just that I'm not gonna suck your dick just because you want my praise. She eventually realized this and this is where her action got out of control. She would completely ignore me when staying over at me and my mom's place. Legit she would walk in say hi to mom and not even acknowledge my presence. Not only that but she would make the biggest fuss over the smallest things. Swear a while back she legit had a fucking freak out because we didn't have milk. Saying shit like "YOU GUYS KNEW WE WHERE COMING SO WHY DON'T YOU HAVE ANY MILK FOR EMILY!" my niece btw). I guess somewhere in the crevices of her small mind she thought she was the only thing on our mind or something. But probably the worst part of it all is how she treats my mom. I can't even begin to tell you the number of instances where she just drops my niece in the middle of the night and goes to a club. The thing with my niece is shes kind of a night stalker (Sleeps during the day, is awake at night) so there's no getting her to go to sleep. Which in turn keeps my mom awake. Thing is though my sister very well knows my mom works very early in the mornings but she doesn't give a fuck. There's also a couple other instances like how she once took my car (without telling me) when I had to go to school which made me miss my classes, along with a couple of other things.
Anyways the whole reason why I'm writing this post is because she's here rn and I kinda just had to vent for a bit because I'm not gonna lie the moment I heard her voice from my room I got like this extreme feeling of dreed or maybe depression. Like for all that's holy I cannot come to accept this woman into my life. As fucked up as it is to say it She's honestly a cancer in my life. Legit she just barged into my room like 10 mins ago without even saying hello and said: "where are your car keys" in like the most cynical voice you can think of. I'm just there like wtf is your problem? you know. Anyways thanks for reading this far. Lemme know what you guys think. Cause honestly I don't know what to do. This might be extreme but I'm honestly thinking of moving out just so I can stay away from her but As the matter stands I can't afford to atm. I'm a college student with a shitty retail job so I'm kinda stuck. Anyways have a good day or night guys. peace.
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
BtYDqnkmbrkrlt0ZuDOX0vW4VvQqawLx | aa4wht | {
"description": "not wanting my boyfriend to indulge in friendly banter with my abusive father",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting my boyfriend to indulge in friendly banter with my abusive father? |
Am I the asshole for not wanting my boyfriend to indulge in friendly banter with my father?
My boyfriend and I are visiting my parents over the holidays. By „parents“ I mainly mean my poor mother who doesn’t have the strength to leave my abusive father. They live together.
Although my father is mostly only abusive towards my mother and much less so when outsiders are around, he began shouting at me for using my mother’s phone as mine had died (and since he deems himself the only one allowed to snoop around in there). I am not afraid of physical violence towards myself, so I shouted back something along the lines of „If you want to argue, better wear your hearing aid“ and kept repeating this, since he wouldn’t understand any other thing I’d say.
Being the abuser he is, my father said to me – his 24-year-old daughter who has recently broken her foot – „you are never going to be happy, just look at you. The way you sit there, just look at you. You will find no happiness and you will limp for the rest of your life. You bet you will limp until you die.“
My boyfriend arrived at my parents‘ place one hour after this happened. I told him about it and he consoled me, saying what an asshole my father was. Later he showed me the gift he had prepared for my father. I asked him whether he wanted to give him this gift despite everything that had JUST happened (plenty of other things have happened over the years which my boyfriend knows but chooses to forget about). He said: „Yes, that’s a matter of decency.“ He still eats lunch with my father present (in my family, it is unsual to share meals) and indulges in friendly banter with him.
Last night, I had a nightmare about my father kidnapping my mother, me running after them and trying to save her, all while my boyfriend stayed in a cozy building. I shyly told my boyfriend about the dream, and while he certainly understood the implications, he just hugged me.
Am I the asshole for expecting my partner to at least temporily shun someone who wishes I were disabled until I die? On one hand, I feel like I am for trying to impose on him to be unfriendly towards my father. On the other hand … I just don’t get him.
​
My boyfriends is incredibly sweet and caring otherwise. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
XDXy0qNqo9EcuWg3sWF4bj6i9GzjVGSc | 9woig5 | {
"description": "asking strangers to let my wife and I ahead of them in the TSA line so Iwe didn't miss our flight",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking strangers to let my wife and I ahead of them in the TSA line so Iwe didn't miss our flight? | So backstory: My wife and I went on our honeymoon this summer. This was my first ever time flying, and my wife's first time flying without her parents (except once about 5 years ago). Our naivete is important here.
[Warning: This next two paragraphs are a lot of background that isn't 100% necessary, but provides some context. If it's longer than you'd like to read, skip the next two paragraph.]
So when we left, we departed from an airport in a medium-sized city (pop. 200k, 1 mil in the metro area). Checking bags took almost no time at all, TSA was maybe 10 minutes, and everything was easy breezy on the way there.
On the way home, things were a little more chaotic. We left our hotel 2-3 hours before our flight, believing that would give us more than enough time. Now when we arrived for our honeymoon, we hit literally 5 tolls on a half hour drive to our hotel. So on the way back I decided to put no tolls on my GPS. This extended our trip a bit and we ended up getting a little turned around at the airport as well, but all in all, we still felt like we were ok. Then we got to checking our bags. We had not anticipated it taking about a half an hour (this was Orlando, so it was much busier). Then we got to TSA check and the wait was going to be very long (I can't remember specifics, but the expected time to finish TSA would've been past the time our flight left).
At some point in the TSA line, I said "fuck it, gotta give it a shot" and started asking people in front of me one by one if I could go ahead of them as we were late for our flight. I actually was surprised at how nice people were about it. I thanked them and usually the next person overheard and let us go through. A few were a little hesitant, or seemed slightly annoyed, but let me go on. I didn't push it. Didn't try to wear anybody down. Just asked once and if they said "yes" I went and if they said "no" that would be it.
Things went well until one guy wasn't having it and said "No, you have to wait in line like everyone else". He had noticed us moving up the line and was clearly aggravated by it. Now, inside I admit I hated that guy, but outwardly all I said was "Ok" and to my wife "guess the ride stops here". Neither of us knew what to do in the event we actually missed our flight, and we were getting ready to start researching that.
A stroke of luck hit when the TSA line split into several separate lines and the guy was no longer in front of us. Everyone I asked in our new line let us go on and once we were just a few spots away from the front, I stopped asking and let the line go. We got through, rushed to our gate, (which was boarding when we got there) and made it home on time.
So, reasons I think I may not be an asshole:
1) I asked first and respected everyone's answer.
2) We were pretty naive about flying and honestly thought we had prepared enough.
Reasons I think I am the asshole:
1) I feel like I took advantage of the kindness of strangers.
2) I still am not very fond of the guy who stopped us even though he had every right to say no.
3) Our lack of preparation inconveniences people.
4) Whether I'm an asshole or not, I stand by what I did. It was a desperate situation and I'll sacrifice a little dignity if it means not missing a flight. Obviously I'll plan better in the future, but as the situation stood, I wasn't overly concerned about being a bit of a dick.
Final note: I know it may sound like I'm distorting how "polite" I was to everyone to make myself sound better, but that's really how I was. I'm not a person who just likes to strike up conversations with strangers and I am not very confrontational. I did make an effort to be polite, but it was amplified by the fact that doing this was slightly terrifying for me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
FDgsy2aPyhoVGtYeHt2xhJ0bi0576ylU | b9y08r | {
"description": "adding stipulations to how I'd pay for my children's colleges",
"pronormative_score": 89,
"contranormative_score": 95
} | WIBTA if I added stipulations to how I’d pay for my children’s colleges? | I have 2 children, a high school senior and a high school sophomore. The Missus is a cardiac surgeon while I work as a software engineer at a pretty big firm. Needless to say, finances aren’t an issue for us.
Now I’m of the opinion that my kids’ primary focus should be their education right now. They don’t have/need jobs (besides sometimes part-time during the summer), but the wife and I pretty much pay for everything. As such, the kids just expected that we would pay for their college, which honestly, was a reasonable expectation. The problem lies with our daughter: she wants to major in Comparative Literature or something related to writing. Her reasoning is that she loves writing and she’s good at it.
I’m a bit hesitant to just pay for unconditional college. If her goal was to be a writing professor, or just had a specific career goal in mind in general, I’d be a lot more willing. But as it stands, her primary motivator was just because it interests her. I told her that I’m fine paying for education, on the condition that she majored in something more “practical”. Or that if she had a legitimate plan to get from what she’s majoring to what she wants to do, then I’d be happy to pick up the tuition and living expenses, which means she just needs to pay for her own food. If she doesn’t that’s fine, but she’d have to find a way to supplement her education through loans and scholarships (and I will help her do this).
She accused me of trying to manipulate her. Truth be told, I did try to push STEM to her when she was 15-16, but she consistently brought home Bs-high Cs in stem while getting perfect As to A+s in writing. I conceded that she was just naturally a better writer, and I’ll let her develop her own issues. She’s using this information from the past to claim I’m trying to manipulate her into doing a field that I want her to do.
My POV is, I don’t necessarily care if she does a field in STEM. She can get her Underwater Basket Weaving degree IF she planned to, for example, be a lawyer (and thus has an actual use for the degree), but she can’t just major in something because she “likes” it. Unless the like will lead to a potential career path in mind.
My wife won’t take a side (she’s normally the one that has these little spats with our daughter while me and her normally see eye-to-eye). So I come to you, Reddit, to help me see if I’m being unreasonable.
AITA for wanting to add stipulations to what I’d pay for in college? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 95,
"OTHER": 55,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 34,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 89,
"WRONG": 95
} | WRONG |
yGcDmR7HIbkdqXM44MLhTaW9rR4jruiF | ag3pqx | {
"description": "being bothered by my girlfriend's tattoo that was put there by her ex-boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for being bothered by my girlfriend's tattoo that was put there by her ex-boyfriend? | I (M) just started a long distance relationship with a girl 4 months ago. She's absolutely perfect and I love her. Everything has been going great. I don't even think about the distance because our personalities match so well. She's the kind of person you'd marry and stay married too. A few days ago we were talking about previous relationships. It was our first time doing this in detail. She had some and I had some. It was no big deal, I really don't get jealous often. Neither of us have perfect pasts.
​
Well she has this flower tattooed on her back, it looks good. But she told me a couple days ago one of the guys she slept with was actually the tattoo artist. At the time, I didn't really connect the two. But today it hit me. Her ex-boyfriend took some ink and a needle and left a permanent picture on her back. Something about that bothers me. I can't exactly place my finger on it right now. I haven't mentioned anything about it to her yet. Am I an asshole for letting this get to me? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
k3FItis1ZY5yXbdF1NTmfwLhSEBDwbrv | air12s | {
"description": "not driving my friend to Brooklyn",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not driving my friend to Brooklyn? | So I’ll keep this nice and short. Yesterday my girlfriend and I went on a double date to a comedy club with our friends. This was in NYC, so imagine my surprise when I run into a friend from college I hadn’t seen since winter break. We had already gotten our tickets for the comedy club, and he was heading home so I invited him out with us and paid for half his ticket. We have an amazing time, comedians were fantastic but right after the show he asked me to drive him to Brooklyn. He’s an orphan, and he’s in between houses, so the lady he’s staying with has to stay up until he’s back home to let him into the house. It was late, 1am, I was the only one with a car and I still had to drop off my girlfriend, and the couple who were 40 plus minutes away, and then drive myself back home to Long Island an extra hour away. His spot was 30 minutes in the opposite direction, I was tired of driving nonstop all day and I had plans to get dessert with everyone after the show. I offered to drop him off at the nearest train station, or pay for half his Uber and he just stormed off.
Later I get a long text saying that I’m a fake friend, that he was always there with my “bullshit” problems and when he needed me to drive a little out of my way I wasn’t there, and just continued to go off on me. I had been driving all day and that would have been an extra hour to my commute home and it was already really late, but he’s sleeping as a guest and he could face serious trouble for keeping the person he’s staying with up so late. AITA? Should I have driven him home? I care about him and have shown him in the past so this is coming out of left field. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
uvEb5tKBC8HkWRyDxW0q7njtNkMgh2dK | aiarco | {
"description": "being upset my friend is ditching me for her boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For being upset my friend is ditching me for her boyfriend? | So, I (15F) And my "best friend" (15F) have been friends for almost a year now. Lets call her Bee. Bee has been dating Tony (15M) on and off for the past 3 months. They broke up for a while because he raised her fist to her, but that's a whole different story.
Anyway, this weekend me, Bee, and another friend, Drew, (16FTM) had a sleepover, just the typical teenage shit. Me and Drew both told Bee that we were upset about how she's been treating us since she's been dating Tony (e.g ignoring us, ditching us at lunch, refusing to spend time with us). So then she agreed to try and spend more time with us and said that she would spend lunch with us on Monday.
Queue to today, where I ask if I can have lunch with Bee and Tony. They stare at me, and Bee says "Where's Drew. Why can't you hang out with him?" and walks off down the stairs with Tony (I cannot do stairs due to a physical disability, she knows this as does Tony)
Mind you, Drew was having a panic attack at the time and was talking to a teacher, so I thought it would be best to get his lunch for him with Bee and Tony.
AITA for telling her what she did was a bit of a pisstake and very unkind? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
SB4DsUUJfIavPa0spcQnA4oDLpnLzear | an52fr | {
"description": "wanting my girlfriend to keep / maintain a job despite me getting a significant raise",
"pronormative_score": 83,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting my girlfriend to keep / maintain a job despite me getting a significant raise? | So I (26M) and my girlfriend (28F) have been living together for five years, and dating for seven. Everything is great between us, and up until recently, we both have had steady jobs making around 30-40K a year. We live pretty averagely in an apartment together, and have been extremely happy.
​
Recently, my company, a family owned business, which I have been with for nearly five years now and know the owners on a very personal level, promoted me to a senior position at a new property. My new salary is just above the 120K mark (an extremely significant raise that I never thought would happen). After relaying the news to my girlfriend, we went out and celebrated, getting dinner and drinks, and had a great night. Then, the next morning, she told me she would be putting in her two weeks soon. I was very confused, and asked why. She said that with my new position, she could stay at home and take care of other things, or pursue her hobby as an artist. I was taken aback, and told her she should still keep her job, as my raise should have no correlation with her keeping a job or not. She got defensive, and we haven't really spoken about it since.
​
I can imagine if I made, say, 500K or above. Maybe even 300. But this is not enough in my opinion for her to quit. Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 80,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 83,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
kOOebRncHOoU5IpXsoMmD8pHrnPYvVAh | aj1noh | {
"description": "telling my friend she crossed the line",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITAH for telling my friend she crossed the line? | My boyfriend died 57 days ago. You can look through my history to get that history if you like. It was a few days after thanksgiving. So the holidays were super difficult, and then beginning of the year with everyone "new year new me" put me in funk. However, I picked up extra shifts at work, been working out a lot more and trying to channel my energy in positive experiences. Friendships that I always knew were there, have been making more of an appearance in my time of need. Brunch, lunch and dinners have consumed my time. Friends and family have been there for me.
So my friend, Sandy. She was the one I called when I got the call of his death. She was the one that came with me to his house to talk to the police, detectives, crime lab and medical examiner. It took hours. I honestly do not know what I would have done if she was not present. She helped me call his family, she called mine to make them aware.
But sandy has always been an intense friend when we are at the bar. She is married with 2 kids. I am not a mother and recently lost the love of my life. So she asks me what my plans are for the weekend. I say I'm free Friday night for dinner maybe drinks after. She immediately gets excited, talking about ubering and having a kid free night. I tell her I plan on driving because I do not want to get too drunk as I have lots to do Saturday and told her I need to be home by midnight. We meet up later then expected bc of work, so we skip food and head to a local bar. Run into some people, talking relaxing. But she kept asking me to take shots, and kept asking me to consider an uber ride home. I had to tell her repeatedly that I was fine. She wanted to dance, so we went to he place with a dj. she struck up conversations with strangers, dancing having a good time. And I was ok with it, annoyed but it's typical Sandy on a free night off. I sipped on my beer and sat at the bar playing on my phone, talking to the bartender. Every once in a while she would come over with people (guys and girls) yelling loudly "this is my friend "and then I would listen to a drunk conversation about how Fraggle Rock should come back on TV or how the Pats shouldn't be allowed to go to the SuperBowl again. It wasn't how I expected my night to be, but whatever. Then Sandy tells the bartender I think he's cute. I never said that. I also don't find him attractive for the record, but I digress. He walked off uncomfortably as we have been conversing for a while. I turned to her and said "why did you do that, do you think that is what will make me happy? That will take my pain of him dying away" She yelled that I was overreacting. I left the bar.
​
Her husband texted me telling me she made it home ok. I called her the next day 2 times and texted asking if we could talk. She ignored me. Then texted a novel about how I am in a world of grief, and she doesn't believe that I was angry at her, I am just so sad that I exploded on her and she forgives me. So I let her HAVE it. texted a fucking novel back, saying my anger was 100% in response to her inappropriate behavior. That everyone else at the bar was more interesting then me to hang out with, so you chose to ignore me and honestly I was annoyed but it was expected. But was not ok was that in your twisted head, you think me hooking up with a dude will help me. I told her that my sisters/cousins and even friends I have not seen in months have taken me out to dinners, lunches, brunches, concerts, festivals and NO ONE has made me feel as uncomfortable as she did. The night was about her "escape from her lame routine" then do not play it as you're trying to be there for me. Don't tell your husband you want to be there for me when it's all about you. If you think the bartenders cute, you tell him that. If you want to flirt, you do it. I do not, and if/when I chose to do it, I do not need to do with such desperation. I told her I value our friendship and she has been there for me in ways I can never repay. But I will always call a spade a spade, and what you said was inappropriate. I said maybe that means our friendship needs to change, maybe we should do lunch and coffee dates, shopping dates, and lounging watching greys anatomy marathon dates. because I do not like who she is when she drinking. She has not responded. Its been 3 days. AITAH??? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 27,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 30,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
8TghQvmTImD1mvvNO2vS7T8SVsb7hURX | auh8so | {
"description": "not getting my laundry",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for not getting my laundry | I’m in a college dorm with a shared laundry room. It’s warm in my bed and I don’t want to walk down three flights of stairs to bring my clothes up that I won’t fold until morning anyways. No one else was doing laundry to the point where I used 4 washers and 3 dryers. It’s late so no one else should be starting loads before I can get my 3 in the morning. Am I still the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 11
} | WRONG |
Tsf4w7Zebwm7chRZJB5nGGPtQQM1mYYC | 9yw9ch | {
"description": "lying about my Thanksgiving & Christmas plans to friends",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for lying about my Thanksgiving & Christmas plans to friends? | I am visiting my hometown around the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. I want to spend some much-needed alone time with my family.
I have a couple of old college friends that are also visiting my hometown around the holidays, and they asked me about my end-of-year plans. I told them that I was visiting, but I purposely told them a shorter period of time than I'm actually visiting, so that our visits would not overlap. I did this because I don't feel like hanging out with them, and they've had a negative reaction to me outright declining to hang out in the past.
Additionally, I have a couple of "friends" in my current town that I've been actively avoiding for over half a year now because hanging out with them was taking a toll on my mental health. I'm pretty nonconfrontational, so every time they ask to hang out, I've been telling them I'm "busy" with the newest excuse of the week. Recently, I told them that I was busy visiting my hometown, and again, I lied about the dates that I plan to visit, but I told them a much longer period of time than I'm actually visiting, so that I can use the "out of town" excuse for a longer period of time.
I'm fully aware that I told all these people two lies that contradict each other. They all know each other, but don't talk regularly. Still, there's a chance that they could put all of this together. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
Tl5OswqCujBRjItoKg1ortOsILTilTnK | awrzai | {
"description": "never wanting to speak to my friends again",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA if I never wanna speak to my friends again? | I moved across the country my senior year of high school and I lost just about all of my friends from the area. There were a handful that I didn’t lose contact with, I’m talking about some “friends” specifically people in this group. I just recently went back, years later I and I knew some of these friends would be there. I let them know in advance that I would be there and would love to see them even if it was for a short time because I know they’re busy. The two in particular I’m never speaking to again both sounded like they were very excited to seem me again. Fast forward to when I’m in town, my first friend, let’s call her A, claimed that it was too late for her (5PM) then A the next just said she was too tired at around 3 in the afternoon. The second friend (B) who seemed particularly excited to see me ended up not responding to messages or anything. I knew she was busy, I just wanted to say hi, exchange some words and I would have been happy. After this experience, it seems like everything has been fake. I thought A and B would be happy to see me and take time to see me, I don’t think I’m asking much, especially since I thought we were close friends. Because of this, I never want to speak to A or B again. I had a very busy friend who came and met up with me for 10 minutes and then had to go back and work. I was grateful that they did. So AITA for never wanting to speak to A or B again? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ec9xleu8oEEyFgxVJeHLMdkjAknEOtxY | absdv3 | {
"description": "not letting my 9 year old cousin choose my new horse's name",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not letting my 9 year old cousin choose my new horse’s name? | I’m a big time horse rider and had been looking for a new horse for a while when my dad bought me one for Christmas (for any horse fans, it was an Appaloosa) and my cousin wanted to name it and kept pestering me to let him name the hose and eventually I got frustrated and just snapped at him to stop and let me have my time with the horse to break it in a bit. I eventually named it Steapa after the dude from The Last Kingdom but not before Max* went and threw a tantrum to his parents who then complained to my parents that I ruined his morning and must let Max choose a name. AITA?
*not his real name | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
qi8zFyWv5eUwaj90txaqFxFO17v0pj94 | a6pz82 | {
"description": "not wanting to work the weekend for free during my first week starting at a new job",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to work the weekend for free during my first week starting at a new job? | I was offered a salaried position as an executive assistant for a mid sized 6 million dollar company. It was stated as a typical 9-5 M-F availability when I applied.
I was hired because the woman who usually does this job is leaving at the end of the year. After accepting the job, I was immediately told my first day that I was expected to work that weekend for an employee Gala that they have annually. She made it very clear that I would not be attending as a guest/member of the company, but am assigned to act as a busboy showing people to their seats, but not welcome to being a part of the gala itself. Am I the asshole for not “offering” myself to help out at this event?
Please feel free to be brutally honest! This is my first salaried job so maybe I am not familiar with how this works? Thanks so much guys!
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
pJYFo7rmJyJC8TO5er6uxegxcYeSwml3 | avrpht | {
"description": "thinking my mom should drive me to the airport",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for thinking my mom should drive me to the airport? | My bff D and I grew up down the street from each other. Her parents have become like a second family to me. We exchange gifts on holidays and often do little favors for each other. They even used to let me “piggyback” on D’s birthday parties in middle school because they knew my family doesn’t throw me parties, and have taken me on a couple family trips. D and her folks moved a couple years back (a few towns over), I still visit a couple times a month when D and I aren’t both working (we’re both very busy).
Onto the situation: D and I are going on a trip and need a lift to the airport. This is not the first trip we’ve taken and not the first time this happened. Both her parents work full time and so does my dad.
Both D’s mom and dad have already offered lifts to the airport despite the fact that they’d have to work after and live more than an hour from the airport. I had asked my mom about a week back if she’d be able to give us the lift, since she doesn’t work and we live much closer (about 40 minutes). And she basically just beat around the bush for a week.
Finally I told her we really needed to know and she told me it was too early and she “would still be sleeping.” I offered D that she could stay the night and I’d pay for a taxi in the morning. Instead, her dad is insisting on taking us, which means he has to wake up a full hour earlier than my mom would have, and then work a full day after.
I haven’t said anything to my mom except she asked why I’m staying the night over there since she thought we were leaving from our house, and I told her that was “only if we had a ride from here, and we don’t.”
So AITA? I guess I’m asking less if you think my mom is being an asshole to me; and more if I’m an asshole for expecting her to be as good a parent as D’s. I understand I’m not entitled to her time, I mostly feel like she’s being inconsiderate to D’s parents because they always offer to go out of their way for us. Every ride we’ve needed, they give us, even if it’s more convenient for her. I’m also salty because if she needed a ride to the airport, I’d just suck it up and get up early to drive her. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
4MqmsfSgwIbWspOsAcikCtl9twMI6uC2 | akq7pb | null | AITA Bf livid I left to take care of my sick daughter | I went with my boyfriend to deliver a vehicle he had sold. I took off work Friday and drove 6.5 hours to meet him and then spent all day Saturday and Sunday riding with him to deliver the sold vehicle to the buyer who lived 8 hours away. On the way back last night my 18 year old daughter feels really sick and I tell her to go to an urgent care as I think she has the flu. She goes and 4 hours late r finds out she indeed has the flu. Shes upset and crying as shes running fever and doesn't feel good. I inform my boyfriend that I am driving back to my house to take care of my daughter and he is livid. We have been in a LDR for awhile...We live 5 hours apart. So instead of staying another night with him I left and came straight home to be here for my daughter. Am I being unreasonable? I understand she is 18 years old but when you're sick is that not what family is for????? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 51,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 6
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 53,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
afm67mFGEpexuJhN79zXWJ13cBbByFdw | b4nzqy | {
"description": "bringing Jell-O shots to a get together that an recovering alcoholic will be attending",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I bring Jell-O shots to a get together that an recovering alcoholic will be attending? | Tomorrow some friends are having a get together. I made a ridiculous amount of Jell-O shots for it. When my gf found out she asked what was wrong with me, that I knew our one friend was a recovering alcoholic. Honestly it never even entered my mind, I can be pretty dense.
I shot him a text about it and said that I had made without thinking and if it made him uncomfortable even a little bit I didn’t want to bring them. He told me it was totally fine and won’t bother him at all.
My gf still thinks it would be a dickish thing to do. To introduce alcohol that he can’t have into the situation when there doesn’t have to be even if he’s fine with it. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
P5iLD7lWBRIEydbiH23CSWB1zgWwDSvW | b7btrl | {
"description": "abandoning my friends' get together",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for abandoning my friends' get together? | Hi Reddit. This recently happened and I'm not really sure on how to deal with it. TL;DR at the end.
Here's some back story:
I was a graduating college student (who just graduated last Friday) who had three more weeks to go before the ceremony, but was in a fit due to lack of requirements (both financial and academic wise). I wasn't really sure at that time if I was going to graduate, but I did my best to comply everything. For a week or two, I did what any other college student would do--hauled ass and didn't sleep a wink. The stress of it all had probably gotten to me and I ended up getting sick. I developed a nasty fever and I had all sorts of magical things coming out of my nose, but I kept pushing myself to finish all of my requirements and attended the grad practices. I managed to get them all done, but in exchange, my condition just got nastier and nastier. Now that all my shit was done, I just needed to carry on with the practices and head back home to rest. Rinse and repeat.
Okay so:
On the second to the last day of practice, my best friend (let's call him Kevin) messaged me saying he was going home for an event (he worked at a different state) and asked if I wanted to hang out and chill with him and a few other friends on Saturday. Thinking that I might be feeling better by then, I agreed. Now that Saturday was also the last day of our practices. Which I forced myself to go despite being sick. We ended up practicing overtime and I guess that wasn't such a great idea. Instead of getting better, I just got worse. Worse to the point where I couldn't stand, to the point where I would often white out for a second and lose my balance. (Couldnt go to our campus clinic because they were always closed)
I had to message Kevin and my other friends, telling them that I couldn't go. I explained my situation and told them that I've pushed myself far enough. My other friends understood, but not Kevin. He left our group chats. When I tried messaging him, trying to apologize and explain myself, he didn't bother checking on them (the messages were on Facebook). I couldn't meet up with him either since the day after our supposed get together, he would fly back to his state for work. He was a pretty cool dude and we were close enough to be siblings. But he just didn't bother anymore.
I feel bad that I said yes. I shouldn't have led him and the other friends on. I felt bad that he was expecting. But I didn't expect my fever and everything else would worsen. Neither did I expect to lose a best friend over it.
So I don't know. I'm pretty stumped.
TL;DR
A friend invited me to hang out but I was too sick to go. Explained it to him and apologized but he ended up ghosting me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
wOCWQ93JADg63A7npWyenIwysC5OVsQa | 9ytpaf | {
"description": "falling in love with a woman",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for falling in love with a woman? | This happened around a year ago but I'm posting this now because this incident still haunts me every often.
I was in college fresh man year when I met her for the first time. Back then I used be an asshole to any girl who tried to interact with me because of my trust issues and depression. But somehow I let her into my life and we started to get along pretty well.
At that time, one of my roommate was "in love" with her and I was aware of it. Even though it was one way, he was pretty desperate and stubborn. Everytime he brought it up, she made it clear that she wasn't interested but he never gave up. Things started to heat up when he went off track and became forceful on her. He once cut his wrist to "prove" his love which made things hard for her as she had to listen to people talking nonsense like 'Why is she being so stubborn?' 'Why can't she understand his feelings?' stuffs like that. Truth to be told, she had zero feelings for him and even if she did, they won't have a chance to be together because they both belonged to different religion and it could be a pretty serious issue in a country like India.
I, on the other hand, didn't know who to side with. Since most of the them were on his side, I decided to back her up. Yes, people did judge me for not siding with the person whom I shared a room but some random chick instead.
Well, she wasn't just some random chick to me as she was the only true friend I had in the entire campus even though I addressed every others as "friends" as well. We were very close to each other and were there to comfort each other whenever either of us felt depressed or had a shitty day.
Apparently, we developed feelings for each other on the run. Even though we were not sure about it as there was a high chance for things to get ugly, we still ended up getting into a relationship.
As few weeks passed by, he became aware of us and made a huge scene by swearing and cursing myself and my family. All the while, I tried to be calm as possible but eventually lost my shit and got into a fist fight that ended with me in a headlock. I was thrown out of my own room and none of the other roommates protested it probably because he threatened to kill me/anyone who interacted with me. I knew I had to stay away from him for the next few days until things cooled down, so I spent my nights at the college studio. By this time, I was already drowning in guilt and self-loathe believing I made a huge mistake. I had no one to comfort me except her and at that time, her words weren't enough because I felt like the entire world hated me for what I've done.
After things cooled down, I tried to have a conversation with him. He was still angry and kept repeating how he still felt the urge to kill me. He then proceeded to rant about how unfair it is of woman to choose "bad guys" over "good guys". While I, on the other hand, was only responding with how sorry I was to hurt his feelings.
As he sensed me easily falling prey for guiltiness, he started to become manipulative. He started talking shit about her and fed me lies that weren't actually true. He told me that she actually did have feelings for him and they both were in a relationship before she dumped him for me. He said I was gonna end up like him one day when she leaves me for some other guy. He also said the reason why she dumped him was because they both didn't have a chance to be together implying that one day she'll leave me too as we didn't have a chance either. Having a really confused mind, I fell for everything he said and started avoiding her for not being honest with me.
Soon I learned he was feeding me with bullshit when I asked about it to everyone else. Infact, they were the ones who told me I was being manipulated. Since that day I started avoiding him even though I stayed in the same room with the same people. I also immediately apologized to her for falling prey for his lies and patched up with her.
Anyway things are not the same way as then, he and I are on good terms but I can't take the guilt I feel everytime I am reminded of this incident. So, I'll leave you to judge. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
QKtxZ9KzdAs0seOMF7fCn5m1egPI89tz | b7sd6o | {
"description": "wanting to go to sleep instead of spending time with my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to go to sleep instead of spending time with my boyfriend? | Hi first time poster on this subreddit on mobile.
My boyfriend and I live together. He works while I go to school. It’s my spring break and he took the week off to spend it with me. He has to work today and last night it was 11 and I wanted to go to sleep. He got upset and wanted me to spend another hour with him. I said no and that I needed to go to sleep. He has to get up at 8 in the morning and says that I should stay up later because he knows I won’t get up to spend time with him in the morning. I tell him I need my sleep and that we have the whole week to spend together. A couple hours won’t make that much difference.
Am I the asshole for wanting to go to sleep and not spend time with him even if we have the whole week together? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
yg7Is0zMQFRjNrWu7jZdurYng9wwvNCY | avny70 | {
"description": "asking my girlfriend to at least shave her bikini line",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for asking my girlfriend to at least shave her bikini line. | We both are females. She prefers to be natural. I never ever asked her to do anything. I respect her choices.
But last week we were planning to go to the beach. She wore her bikini but it looked so awkward with her pubic hair. I pointed that out to her and she got mad and we ended up cancelling our trip. It looked so gross and was likely to attract unwanted attention.
Waa I wrong? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 14,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 33,
"WRONG": 12
} | RIGHT |
dSAy7UDsTnphsRqMy0dPtuDTwAy1Rqb0 | a1p4ce | {
"description": "arguing with my boyfriend over true detective",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA because I argued with my boyfriend over True Detective | AITA? My boyfriend and I have seen True Detective season 1. I have completely forgotten the entire season... every bit of it. I am fine with it as I get to rewatch a show that I know that I liked. Somehow over the course of watching the show he accused me of being confused and thinks that I am lying about watching the show. I know for a fact that I have watched the show. He wanted to drop the argument I cannot because I hate being told that I'm lying when I'm in fact telling the truth. The argument continued and now we aren't talking.
So AITA I WATCHED THE SHOW | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
oDIUAoyDxW40HWpVBTep3tl8c1PNJJEZ | adc284 | null | AITA My sister's boyfriend | Ok this ones complicated. So my sister (18f) has been in her current relationship for a year or so with ... lets call him joe (17M). All members of my family including her are working and when we aren't we do the usual house clean and general upkeep as you do. We have a happy enough home - we all are different ages and have different tastes but we get along well enough. We all share the burdons. My sister did this too .... until Joe came along. Now I love my sis but I will be Frank - she doesn't know how to pick em. She has had 2 previous relationships. First guy lets call him Harry turned out to be a stoner and got her into smoking. It took her years to quit and we blamed him. She left him (or rather my father verbally destroys this loser then she leaves him) and eventually met a girl (Sis is bi). Let's call the girl Lucy. Lucy has anxiety - she gets scared stupidly easy and is quiet to the point of not talking to anyone but sis. We tried to respect it but it drove us insane when we could barely get words out of her at times when we needed it. One xmas I help pay for a college course for Lucy (I'm a little too generous for my own good). My part £150 with the promise I would get it back eventually. I'm content with this but wouldn't you know it, lucky me, Lucy decides to cheat on my sister with some random poor sap who didn't even know there was another person involved. Of course sis is pissed and Lucy slinks away never to be seen again - taking my money with her. This finally brings us to Joe. Joe is a foster kid from a not great family - he gets verbally abused a lot and lives in some craphole that probably hasn't been thoroughly cleaned since 1980 or earlier. So he basically lives here - there lies the problem. With him basically existing as another mouth to feed my mother gets annoyed that he's constantly here - the fact shes a fulltime midwife and therefore eternally tired doesn't help. The kid is polite enough and everything but due to having no good parental figures he basically has no aspiration in life. He doesn't have a job , eats a lot of our food and causes my sis to become a lot less helpful then she once was. Seeing me up at 8am and doing everything that needs to be done whilst the 2 of them don't emerge till early afternoon is a common occurrence. My mother gets very testy about this. The phrase "stop treating this place like a hotel" comes out of her mouth most days. Not to mention the strong likey hood that they have probably banged whilst my folks are home and not cared doesn't help. So reddit - who's the asshole here? Other then Lucy obviously. To hell with Lucy. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Sa8RLGQH2dbZT6MHlAAXW5hhq1LcZweQ | a1o7er | null | AITA if my neighbors tree fell on my house and I'm livid despite the laws? | So a little backstory. Lived next door to them for 5 years now. never had any major issues minus when we first moved in and they had 10+ dogs barking in their backyard (they have a dog boarding business, not permitted) and I snapped and told them to get it under control since the permits in our county dont allow this. We havent ever reported them, but to be be fair they did control them and only do 5-6 dogs at a time now...
​
Alright so fast forward to now. It was rainy and windy last night. Their tree on their front lawn uprooted and fell and is now leaning against our house and roof. Only minor damage to the gutter - nothing my husband cant fix. Well after much discussion with insurance etc it has come to my attention that if a tree falls it is the responsibility of the person who had DAMAGE to fix. So I could file a claim with my insurance company to remove the tree and fix our gutter. I wont be doing that since its not much damage and the tree company says its not worth it. But AITA for expecting THEM to have been the ones to call a tree company and at least OFFER to split the cost? Im livid that they arent seeming to do the neighborly thing. If it was the other way around I would IMMEDIATELY be on the phone trying to get someone to come out and cut down my tree that fell. They have made zero attempts and keep citing the insurance laws and rules. Ok, so since youre so "by the book now" should I ask you for your fucking dog boarding permits? I'm fuming and need some tough love to just check my attitude and get over myself. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
svcalexyHtfMU8gH8ddwhFM6adBstTQm | b1x5ur | {
"description": "thinking less of my friend because he slept with someone",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for thinking less of my friend because he slept with someone? | Ok so the title sounds bad but I didn't know how to phrase it better.
​
So my best friend, let's call him Tom, gets with my other really good friend, lets say Amanda. That's cool, I don't really care, it's their life. This happened on Tuesday, and I went to a party with Tom on Friday. He had a few drinks, I didn't really drink anything. He tells me about hooking up with Amanda, and I, not knowing if she had ended her previous relationship yet asked if he knew the status of that. He said "I don't really know, but I don't really care. Just don't tell him." This is what really bothers me, to not care if he's getting with a girl who might be dating someone. Bottom line is that I don't care that they got together, but that I think Tom just acted in a really shitty way.
​
So Reddit: AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
fPTcsvkxrYrMCMWQtx9zl9O9RMjNFFqS | at3tlm | {
"description": "arguing with a classmate about his learning disability",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for arguing with a classmate about his learning disability? | First of all, sorry for my English, my native language is Italian.
Today at school the teacher gave us an IT test, everyone scored poorly. I was complaining with a friend about the fact that the teacher lowered our score for a mistake that even other people made, without getting their score lowered.
This guy (M 16) not involved in the conversation started mocking me for my bad mark. I ignored him but after a while I pointed out that he got a better mark because he has a certificate for learning disability (that's a fact). He said that this wasn't true, then we argued for a while, until that guy started to threat me saying that he would punch me and other bullshit. I laughed because he was ridiculous, then the teacher calmed us down.
I feel guilty because after he insulted me i called him a retard, AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
nH1gU6Kxx92IAZCXhtoVgcCuMBFk9gXR | azfsua | {
"description": "not wanting to spend time with my parents",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to spend time with my parents? | My parents have been fighting constantly as long as I can remember. When I was a child, they would threaten divorce every three months or so. Many fights were mutual, but my father has been more abusive as week. I've heard him lock my mother out in the snow. I also know he knocked her teeth out once. This has been gradually getting better as I grew up, especially after I told my father I was scared of him after hearing him scream at my mother while I was sobbing in my room.
He has never been physically violent with me, but he would randomly get super angry at some things I would do or say, screaming loudly and getting red. Because of this, my mother never left him, saying things like "he has been an excellent father, I can't deny it" every time I would criticize him. I recognize that my mother has been by far and large the victim of this abuse but I resent her for making me grow up in this environment that made us both suffer.
Another thing is that they would both use me as their marriage counselor when I was a teen/young adult, telling me things I never wanted to know (from the details of their fights to their sex lives), which really took a toll on me seeing them as parental figures.
Nowadays, their temper has improved, and it's mostly petty bickering. But it is *constant*. I live on my own now; we spent Saturday together and they could not spend 10 fucking minutes without criticizing one another. I've told them many times that I hate it but they keep going. It's like that every single time I see them. I honestly loathe to visit just because it's so damn exhausting, I just blank out whenever they're not directly talking to me, and always find excuses to cut the day short. The freedom of not living with them has seriously improved my mental health and I feel much better when I don't see them for at least a month. Yet I still feel guilty for doing so, because I know that they love me and are so happy to see me. So, AITA for not seeing my parents more often? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 27,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 28,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
sHWvW8jOLEysAQRbfzAb15rWcEGKIIoS | axri4i | null | AITA My girlfriends mom invited herself to check out my new school | Re-post, I forgot to put AITA in the title
​
So I'm flying out to visit a university I am attending this coming fall my girlfriend wanted to come with to check it out and have a break from home... her mom found out and invited herself... now we are going for 3 days longer than I want to, spending way more money than I wanted to, and I'm going to be stressed and rushed the entire time while I'm trying to checkout the place I'm going to live for the next 3 years.... I honestly dont even want to go anymore. I tell my girlfriend that I thought it was just going to be the two of us and she just brushed it off and told me that she already told her mom I was happy she was coming and if I didnt want her mom to come I should tell her myself.... so now I'm an asshole if i do... great.... tbh i dont even know if i want to stay with this girl.... now I'm going to checkout places to live and she just dropped that she has applied to the college in the same town as my university... I honestly want to ghost everyone in my family at this point in time and go live on a boat for a few years... (there is a lot more bullshit than just this.... this is just the newest part)
​
Idk this was a ramble, am I the asshole for not wanting my girlfriends mom to crash my trip to checkout my new university? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
HE1SZdRzxv516tkxyayK8np8saehNadg | 9w5be5 | {
"description": "not taking my best friends new religious views seriously",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not taking my best friends new religious views seriously? | My best friend and roommate recently went through a bad break up. Like dumped her in a text before he left for work after dating and living together for 3 years bad. She had also been in a serious relationship for multiple years before that without much time in between. Her long time friend got her to go to church with her and now they go every Sunday, they do church events and she’s reading the Bible at home. In the 10 years I’ve known her, she’s never been outwardly religious, and came off as agnostic. In the 2 months that she’s been going to church, she’s already tattooed a cross on her wrist, writes bible verses on her whiteboard, and even got baptized today. I can understand the wanting to cling to something while she’s truly alone for the first time, but anytime it comes up in conversation I just can’t take it seriously.
I don’t ask about this new interest of hers and she doesn’t tell. But in my mind, I feel like an awful person for doubting her dedication to it and feeling that it’s a phase. I’d say my own religious views teeter between agnosticism and atheism if it helps. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
IN2shroyGb71vtHEupARr0MGAXzUeElz | aom8wc | {
"description": "thinking my gf is being unreasonable for asking me to talk to her every 20 minutes",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for thinking my gf is being unreasonable for asking me to talk to her every 20 minutes? | My girlfriend can be very insecure at times, and if I don't answer her messages every 20 minutes, she will get very upset and say that answering her takes no time at all. She says she constantly asks me this and I never comply, but I work in a very time demanding job in finance and can't be looking at my phone the entire day.
Today I complained that being in my phone the whole day makes me unproductive and is harming my deadlines throughout the day, and that talking to anyone the whole day, as much as I love her, is not normal for me.
I asked her to seek professional help to aid her with her insecurities because it does damage to my life and our relationship, but she hasn't done anything in that respect despite agreeing to do so. I think I am normally a very calm person but when she told me today that I never do the things she asks of me, I quickly snapped and haven't talked to her since.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
bMnKbSrpwkQeOtYxh9x4Vsik8rpDn9mx | b6mlnz | {
"description": "telling my gf that her breathe stinks",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my GF that her breathe stinks? | This happened several years, obviously, and I remembered it just now.
I was dating this girl back in the day, our relationship was in the very early stages, like in the next days after our first nights together.
So we got up, got dressed and went to the store to get some stuff. While at the store we're browsing through the aisles and at one point she reaches in to kiss me. So I lean in...
Woooh... My face scrunched but I didn't want to embarrass her so with my strong stomach acids I sealed it with a light peck on her lips.
A few aisles later I said to her, I said "hey uhhh... Y-you gotta... Your breath stinks"
Her face washed red in embarrassment and she got mad and walked off.
So am I the douche here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
P9zde9YmiaablAXIe0edfyJAKN793EQe | b8q7t3 | {
"description": "refusing to tell the guy Im dating or anyother potential partner my body count",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | WIBTA if I refuse to tell the guy Im dating or anyother potential partner my body count? | So I am fairly young, 21, and I have been in one relationship for 5 months which ended 6 months ago, I was perfectly loyal and didnt so much as firt with another guy. I do however have what some people would consider a rather high partner count, 25. Most of these guys where short term flings, or FWB. I get std tested every 3 months, never had an STD or pregnancy scare, force all my partners to wear condoms, and inform them if I might be getting serious with someone. So while dating an issue I have is guys who normally want a relationship, always ask my partner count, while their's is low like 2 or 3, mine is well 25... Im not trying to shame anyone with a high partner count, I do not regret these encounters or what I learned from them. However many guys who I am trying to date see this as a major issue. Im not willing to lie about my partner count, but WIBTA if I told them it's none of their buisness if I'm being clean and seeing them exsclusivly then it shouldnt be an issue. My friends say the guys have a right to know but I feel like this question always leads to drama and insecurity. Some of the times when I told these guys i've gotten ghosted or rejected and called a slut. I get really bad anxiety now when this question is asked because of the reaction I get. Im in the USA so this partner count isnt unusal. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
v7a1rCPobpdt8GGwm54mShnrk5WRoW7T | adwddk | {
"description": "asking my neighbor ( who is also my ex ) to keep the sex noises down",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking my neighbor ( who is also my ex ) to keep the sex noises down? | Long story short I dated someone and we end moving close to each other ( we didn't move in ) but I broke up with him due some complications which I won't get into details.
Basically, we just have a wall separating our studios ( we're both students so we live in relatively small buildings )
I have no anger, jealous or anything for my ex, tbh, I'm glad he's in a new relationship. BUT, he has his new girlfriend over all the time, which again, doesn't bother me however, during sex, she's always very *loud*, and I mean exaggerating *loud* ( part of me wondered if she does it on purpose because she knows I'm his ex and live next door ).
This is nothing personal, I would be wonder if I would be an asshole even if I would hear unknown neighbor's having sex loud.
Whenever they have sex, I just want to go to them and ask them calmly to keep it quiet but I feel like it will be unpleasant for everybody and frankly just rude from my part.
Today I heard them 4 times and I my studies were going poor so hearing them so often added fuel to my annoyance.
I thought of just slipping a paper under their door to ask to keep it quiet but yet again, I think it would be an asshole move and they even might take it personally because I'm his ex.
P.S: Advice like, 'just wear headphones' is useless because I wear them sometimes but I don't want to wear headphones on a daily bases in my own place. ( Given the fact that this week I'm expecting a parcel and I need to hear the doorbell )
TLDR: I want to ask my neighbor to keep the sex noises down but I feel like I'll be an asshole and a bigger one at that because I'm his ex. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
1BYxdxdze9FERbbyrPcCjC3qtowgb3HV | aff41d | {
"description": "ghosting a close, long term friend",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for ghosting a close, long term friend? | So this girl was a very close friend of mine all through high school. I genuinly loved and cared about her, I still do. A part of me feels like she did feel the same, but I can’t be sure.
Still, we would argue. A LOT. It would start as something seemingly innocuos, and often would be something that wouldn’t get on our nerves if said or done by anyone else, and would quikly become spitting acid at eachother.
I do try to make an effort to not touch any sore spots, even when i’m really angry, but i’m pretty sure I must have sometimes. She clearly either didn’t have the same reservation, or she didn’t pay enoug attention to know what I was most upset or insecure about. I think she ocasionally found it entertaining to push my buttons in public to make me look bad. :/ she did that on quite a few occassions and I know in those instances, she was the asshole, but how I reacted was wrong too. I’m not sure why my temper was so short with her, when with most people it takes a lot to really piss me off. Same with her; she was so chill and kind with most people. For years we just walked on thin ice around eachother, with both of us being stubborn, passive aggressive and very, VERY opinionated. She would twist my words a little, I would massivly overreact, she’d start crying and that would piss me off even more; sometimes it seemed real and i’d keep pushing too much, sometimes it seemed like she only did it to get attention or to win the argument.
Still, a few things she said to me stuck with me, like how she originall only started being my friend because she felt sorry for me for not having many friends. She was one of the more popular girls, and I was definitly not. This is where i’m wondering if I was the asshole all along. I have a few very close friends, whereas she could pretty much chat with anyone, so clearly most people found her a lot more likeable and charismatic than me.
Little tiny commets like that and, she would project all of her own insecurities on others. I was constantly being self consciouss and embarrassed about eveyr little thing; my weight, my skin, just anything. Her mother was very... judgemental, old fashioned, i’m not sure how to say it nicely because she was a lovely, wonderful lady, but she had the idea that her daughter needed to be perfect, beautiful, ect. to get anywhere and I know she had a lot of pressure on her from that. And she was; she was very, VERY pretty compared to me. Her skin was very smooth, her hair didn’t frizz or poof at all, she seemed to be able to eat anything she wanted and never get fat. So yes, I was a teensy bit jealous even though I try to tell myself I don’t care about appearances. Or money, or popularity, or any of that stuff she had more than me of. Looking back, if it was me being jealous that made me so short tempred with her, it’s ridiculous, but it doesn’t explain at all why she was the same with me. IDK, maybe theres something i’m not seeing.
Basically I FELT like she didn’t really care about me, and I FEEL like I spent more time comforting her, doing favours for her, and trying to help her than she ever did for me. I FEEL like I was just a background character who she compared herself to to feel better about herself. I FEEL like she could be manipulative sometimes to keep me emotionally reliant on her as a friend, bt that could be me misinterpreting some of what she said/did or remembering things wrong so i’m not going to make any accusations.
Still, I could keep ranting and get very one-sided, so i’m going to finish here with backstory.
After we finished school, we both went on to seperate colleges. I made new friends at college and honestly, I felt happier with them that i’d ever felt wth her. It sort of made me realise how unhealthy our friendship had been, so I kinda... just slowed down replying to texts, saw her less and less, kind of on purpose. The straw that broke the camels back per say, was when we were arranging to meet in town. I wanted to meet few minutes later because I wanted to sleep in; I have trouble sleeping sometimes and at my weekends I like to be lazy. I did want to see her, but I hoped she wouldn’t mind making it a half hour later. As usual, we were going to meet in the place that’s nearer to her house than mine, so I asked to compromise and meet earlier if she could come to the spot a bit closer to mine. No, she was not having it. I’m not quite sure what else was going on for her that day, but she got really pissed and then I got pissed that she was pissed at me and.... you get th point. We ddn’t speak again for nearly 9-10 months, we slowly start to talk to eachother again but there’s tension.
Then one day, she comes to meetme at my college. That seems really sweet at first and I wanted to think she was making th effort to coe there to see me and hang out, and she does want to hang out but she also wants me to do some camera work for her and use my colleges equipment. I sort of laugh it off, I help her a bit, but I want to go home. So I lie and tell her I had to babysit, she asked if i’d finish doing the filming for her tomorrow, I say maybe, I leave, and that’s the last time I ever speak to her again. I just ghost her. I’m not quite sure if it was maybe just fatigue of trying to keep a dead friendship alive, or if I was angry, sad, confused, or just felt a bit used. I overreacted, basically. That day was normal, nothing special, no arguments, nothing. I just sort of felloff the edge and didn’t bother to climb back up. She always thought I was selfish when I didn’t want to do something, and I just didn’t want to hear it, because I knew I would get upset and then get defensive, and so on and on and on...
EVERYONE has flaws, little irritating things they do, but somehow we were just unable to tolerate eachothers. I know, since I care about her I should put some effort in to work past our issues, but thinking back on our time together, it’s 90% arguments, insecurity, tension and frustration. It wasn’t healthy, and I didn’t want to make the effort to keep trying.
We were 11 when we met, and 17 was when I ghosted. 19 now. I still think about her sometimes, but honestly I get panic attacks when I think about her too much XD Still I check her insta occasionally and she seems to be doing ok.
Be honest; I know I did my fair share of crap, she did too, I wish I could hear her honest side of the story but that conversation would only end in a mountain of salt and papercuts. I’m not brave enough to even make small talk,
for fears of starting world war 3. I just want to be able to see where I was being shitty, so it never happens again. I never want to feel the way I did with her again, and I never want to say or do anything that could hurt someone I care about, so I want to know if there’s somewhere in this story that i’m not understandng or am misinterpreting or being a shitbag about.
**TLDR** After a very close and long, but also very unhealthy and bitter friendship, I ghost her instead of trying to work things out or saying a proper goodbye. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
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} | WRONG |
sLKFQLjiuoKG1dGiS3bdO2aqBelRDrBb | arfv8y | {
"description": "not helping a 13/12 who had fallen of his bike",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not helping a 13/12 who had fallen of his bike? | This happend two or three years ago. I was walking towards school, and saw a kid who looked 12 or 13, riding towards me. He tried to ride with his hand crossed, and naturally he fell. I saw him landing on his left side. As he was laying on the ground he cried, and yelled help me, help me.
Before he fell, he was already riding slow and he didn't bump his head on the payment or something when he fell. In my honest opinion he was overreacting.
I didn't want to help him since i was almost late for class, and a car already stopped, and nearby pedestrians were already walking towards him. I just happend to be the closest near him.
As i walked by i said: sorry, I'm already late and just walked towards school. If no one was near me i would help him of course, but there were already quite a few people near him so i figured someone else can help him.
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
zgMq1VgQuHTpsYZxC6rP1UyzYSr9HXXy | anqxeb | {
"description": "wanting to sleep and not waking up to help my boyfriend pack",
"pronormative_score": 220,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for wanting to sleep and not waking up to help my boyfriend pack ? | My boyfriend and I planned a group trip skiing out west with some of his friends and some of mine. We got a big house and he and I got our own room to share there. Everyone else was sharing beds also.
It was a very social trip - we all cooked dinner together every night and played games. It was so fun for me because I live alone and have a very small family so even on holidays I don’t get to have big dinners and fun. We also have small apartments in my city at home so no one has big gatherings. We split up during the day to ski and I was mostly skiing alone there because I’m only an advance beginner while many of them are either experts or didn’t ski. I didn’t even go to the same mountain as the three guys except Saturday and we only skiied together for two hours. That was fine but I liked being with everyone at night.
The last night was Monday night and we all stayed up till 1;30am except my boyfriend. He was falling asleep in bed at 10 so I snuggled him to sleep and then went back downstairs to hang out. He got back up around 12:15 and hung out for another half hour and then went back to sleep. I had asked him at least three times that day if he packed yet. I packed at 6pm because I wanted to sleep in and knew I’d be up late.
Anyway all seemed fine until the next morning when I woke up at 6:30 to use the bathroom, came back to bed and he got up because check out was at 10 and the boys were skiing that day so had to be packed and out the door by 8am.
I went back to sleep but he then turned on all the lights, made the bed with me in it and told me to move to the other side of the bed so he could pack. He said I probably wouldn’t be able to sleep through him packing. I put on my noise canceling headphones covered my eyes and attempted to sleep but I could sense he was furious at me and he kept banging his clothes on the bed and even put something on my leg.
I looked at him and he said “don’t say anything - I don’t want my head bitten off and fight on our last day.” He looked so mad. I hadn’t said anything except muttering about everyone having gone to bed very late. He banged around then finally left and didn’t say goodbye even though I was flying that day and he and his friend were staying at a hotel and not leaving till the next day.
Later I texted “ no goodbye?” And he wrote back “I didn’t want to disturb you and get my head bitten off.” I tried to figure out what he was talking about but he blocked me.
Then later I emailed and said I didn’t understand why he was mad and that I should be the one annoyed because he was so inconsiderate when packing. We had a walk in closet basically a little room and he had plenty of room in there to pack or he could have done it quietly. But I didn’t complain just put on my headphones and ignored him so I had no idea why he was upset.
Then he emailed a response:
“I’m not going to tip toe during packing. I have a mountain of stuff to keep together.
I don’t need some person lounging in my space during that.
I just don’t like people that aren’t morning people. It’s annoying.
Alternatively, how nice would the morning have been if you were up with coffee and sitting and speaking to me during this. That’s what I like. Quality time.
Not 2 ships passing in the wind doing their own things.”
AITA for wanting to get more than 5 hours of sleep but also participate in the entire group socializing? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 215,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 220,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
lQtPYJYbxAidIQvscnnvYKA8r04MsCLO | b43thb | {
"description": "really hating my birthday gift and regretting getting her a good present",
"pronormative_score": 36,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for really hating my birthday gift and regretting getting her a good present | Start things off with first post, sorry if I’m doing anything wrong and I’m writing this on my phone.
My (id like to say ex) best friend’s 18th birthday was last year. I got her tickets to Twenty One Pilots. Not gonna lie, tickets weren’t cheap. $132 AUD each
I thought it would be fun, we could camp out together, get ready and have fun together, ya know what best friends do with each other. Fast forward to her actual birthday when I told her I got her tickets. She was very excited obviously because she loves this band but after that date she talked to me less and less. I just blew it off as school because year 12 was stressful
Fast forward again to the concert night. She got there a bit before me because I had exams, work and what not. I thought okay cool I’ll go get my number to wait in line thinking she’d save me a number because I got our tickets, we were gonna go together. Nope. I got there, got a quick hello from my supposed good friend and then she ran off for the rest of the wait (around 18 hours). Not only that but her girlfriend was yelling at me for some stupid not relevant reason so I just left.
My friend then told me to leave the day of the concert and not be with her because she was with other people and ignored me whenever I tried to talk to her. Ngl not a fun time
Fast forward again to my birthday. I have major social issues and I HATE opening presents in front of people and she knows that so I said thanks and put the present next to me. She got REAL upset about that and forced me onto the couch to open it. 2 candles, a fridge magnet and a kangaroo keychain. She got upset when she didn’t see absolute enthusiasm and for the rest of the night her girlfriend was kinda dirty looking me
My dilemma is that I’ve grown up my entire being thankful for anything I receive. it’s a privilege not an expectation to get a birthday present. And people have told me I’m a stuck up ass for not being thrilled with candles and Australian themed souvenirs(we’re both Australians so really it’s nothing special) it’s eating me up inside not being grateful | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 34,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 36,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
T8t9U21ihWDi4sq6ORZ4OqWUw5feX0h1 | a8ha0n | {
"description": "expecting my best friend&fwb to hang out with me at a dance",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for expecting my(18F) best friend&FWB(17M) to hang out with me at a dance? | Alright so some backstory to this is that my school has a yearly winter formal dance and this year I was indecisive on whether I should go or not because 1.) I didn't have an official date and 2.) Only some of my regular friends were going to be there and they were either couples or had dates, so I didn't exactly want to step in on their time together. So my best friend/ friend with benefits (yes its a weird relationship but it was going well at the time), suggested that I should go because he ( Lets call him A) didn't have date either and that I wouldn't be alone during the dance if I went because he would be there. We talked about this for about 3 days before I finally caved and bought a ticket bid because I felt like I wasn't gonna be bored the whole time and have wasted my money.
Fast forward to the night of the dance, I got there only to be left behind by said best friend A while he goes and socializes with literally anybody but me. We talked for maybe 5 minutes of a full 4 hours. So, just as I was expecting I was left alone with my other friends who were there as couples, and they tried to make me feel better but ultimately I just felt like shit the whole night.
Despite this I still tried to salvage something of the night by asking if A wanted to hang out after the Dance, since my curfew was basically nonexistent, so we could go back to his house or somewhere and fool around or do anything really. A gets pissed off at me for assuming that he doesn't have plans after the dance and explains that he was going to an after party. I was pissed off but I told him it was fine whatever, and asked if he could merely take me home after since we live in the same neighborhood not 2 minutes away. He agrees and we split ways for awhile.
I finally get some motivation back because of my friends who convince me to dance with them inside the venue, so we go in and dance. Multiple times while I'm inside I make eye contact with A as he is in a different circle of people dancing and talking, I try not to engage in him because i'm still pretty pissed off but I glance once and see him basically groping some other girl. At that point I lose all confidence really and text a different friend that I was upset and she comes and talks to me and I explain what happened. She then lets me know that hes been planning to meet up with this girl that he was groping for awhile(days) before the dance because she talked to A about it.
At the end of the night A leaves me at the dance without giving me a ride home so I had to find someone else at the last second. He then texts me way later in the night with only "Sorry if you're pissed at me". Also turns out he didn't even have plans after the dance. The week after during school he calls me out in the middle of lunch in front of my friends that "I didnt even go with you as an official date so I dont know what you were expecting."
I'm not mad at him because he was with someone else, because we're only FWB and I don't have a problem with that. I'm upset because he convinced me to go to this dance because he would be with me and then left me the entire time for someone else that he was planning on hanging with the entire time.
AITA for assuming that he was gonna hang out with me and talk for at least awhile? Or am I just missing something?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
1Df95L2Z2kn917BOHEt3vTwVnQx56PWD | b8o8ey | {
"description": "not being more considerate of my mums financial situation",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not being more considerate of my mums financial situation? | Here's some context. . . My mom(53) has worked for the last 10yr+ as a school bus driver. She gets weekends off and has early days as well as major holiday vacations. She makes less than $35,000 annually, but hasn't made efforts to find something to help her sustain her residency in LA County. She lives with my aunt atm and pays $600 for a 1br, parking, utilities, internet, and laundry included. Last week my sister and her bf, who have a toddler together, got into it. Their relationship was already hanging on a thread because they just couldn't make things work. Her bf is very irrational and vindictive and my sister is very stubborn and proud. Well, he ended up kicking both her and their son out of their apt.
My mother invited my sister to stay at my aunts house given the situation and because all happened so fast neither of them reached out to my aunt to ask if it were alright. When my aunt found out she exploded. Gave my sister a month, max. She then blatantly told my mother that she needed to find a new place. My mother constantly had issues with my grandmother, who is also living in my aunts house and being supported by her as well. This always put my aunt in a stressful position as mediator.
When I heard the news I was devastated. My husband and I offered to help my family as much as we could. My sister was lucky enough to find a room for rent with a family friend for $500, but my mother has little to no option and is even considering sleeping in her car. My husband and I both asked her to consider moving into a 2br and that she would have to pay $800 and watch our 10 month old when necessary so I could possibly work or go back to school, but she said she couldn't afford it. She then exclaimed that we should give her a discount for watching the baby.
When we couldn't come to an agreement she asked us to compromise and get a 1br so she could sleep in the living room at less than what shes paying at my aunts. Neither of us wants to give up our privacy.
My husband and I are both in the culinary industry, so living in the city is necessary for us. We make just enough to get by here and in the future if the opportunity presents it self we will relocate to somewhere more inexpensive, but this is our life at the moment and we arent being pushovers.
AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 3,
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} | RIGHT |
d2gTSOo1Hc6iCR5LxtxcOmmdIwVJ40E1 | b0dp9z | {
"description": "calling someone racial slurs for being an asshole",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 24
} | AITA For calling someone racial slurs for being an asshole | Prologue to this, me and this person have almost gotten in two fights before this incident, but I’ve managed to show self-restraint and not act. Also the bully is latino male and I am a white/asian mixed male.
So today while I was walking to my school’s lunch line with a pal, I see one other friend that’s walking with the asshole. I say hello to both of them to be polite, but don’t join their conversation because Im with another friend.
In the lunch line, while I’m talking to a friend, the ass starts to poke my sides and call me a racist, even though before today I’ve never proven to have been so. I brush it off and keep my head straight; he always pulls this crap. Maybe a minute passes and he starts opening my zippers, going through my backpack, and yanks me backwards a bit. In response, I turn around, push him backwards, and while I was zipping my stuff back up, I called him “beaner” and an “illegal bastard that should go back to his country.”
He looked at me a little funny, but didn’t bother me for the rest of lunch, like he’d typically do, whether it’s throwing food at me or calling me antisemetic or other racist things.
In that moment, it felt good to finally tell him off, because the only way to get in his thick skull is to get semi-physical and in his face. But at the same time, only a little while afterwards, I felt disgusted by myself that I called him those things, and as if I’m as bad as him.
A small part of me wants to apologize, but I feel that would show weakness and he’d go back to being an ass.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 10,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 24
} | WRONG |
KdRh6OLZlshkTsXCY8qXETJwQDev8ehW | b5oqxj | {
"description": "taking the dog I got back from my ex after she left me without saying anything",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for taking the dog I got back from my ex after she left me without saying anything? | So this happened Saturday I left with a few buddies to go enjoy the day and work on my car. My gf who has lived with me for the last 5 years just up and took everything she owned and some of my stuff and the dog we had gotten together a year or so ago.
Now hear is the juicy part we had broken up 2 summers ago and got back together around christmas '17 and that spring I found the dog running down the side of the highway so i saved her. Went to the pound and shelters asked if it was microchipped and posted flyers. Nobody wanted her so I decided to try and let my gf take care of her. She got a banfield puppy plan (kinda like dog insurance at petsmart) and I have 2 other big dogs I already have a plan with. A few months after we get the dog I found out she had been talking to this guy behind my back and called her out on it. She says he was just a friend...
I decided on Sunday that since she took he dog and everything that I would do some research into the situation. Contacted the police in my state possession is 9/10 the law when it comes to animals. So come Monday I knew she had to work and I knew where this cock sucker evan she supposedly is only friends with lives and I see her car there. I go knock on the door the roommate opens the door and gypsy (my dog) comes running out the door and jumps in my arms. Roommate doesnt know me or anything I tell him the story said I'm just gonna have a play date with gypsy and my 2 dogs all about the same age all german shephard.
The house she moved into is on a quarter of an acre barely a back yard. My home is on 4 acres completely fenced in has a dog house that is temperature controlled and everything. And she knows I have the dog yet she wont even contact me. Instead she has tried to get my father involved in the bs. He doesnt care about who gets the dog btw.
So am I the asshole here for getting my dog back because she doesn't deserve her and never took care of her. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
5AvYtx0YD4xOuwHEPkGpYyiFwf8zuQLL | aza70l | {
"description": "refusing to clean our House's bathroom",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA If I Refused To Clean Our House’s Bathroom? | Some background; I live in a house with 3 other roommates, Maria, her adult daughter, Marta, and her teenage son Carlos. (names have been changed) We have 2 bathrooms in our house, Maria’s bathroom in the master bedroom, and the communal bathroom in the hall. Now, I know Maria has nothing to do with this bc her bathroom is always spotless and smelling like a normal goddamn bathroom instead of The Bubonic Plague.
However, our bathroom is a very different story. Her kids both promised me when I first came here that keeping the bathroom clean would be our shared responsibility, but in these past 5 and a half months, all they’ve managed to do is fuck it up as soon as I finish cleaning it. They don’t wash their hands, there’s always so much hair on the toilet seat and the sink, it’s looks like they shave their pubes over the bowl, the shower is covered in layers of grime I can’t wash out no matter how I try, when I use the toilet, there’s a 50/50 chance I’ll find a POOP SMEAR on the seat, they throw their USED TOILET PAPER in the TRASH instead of in the FUCKING TOILET, Hell, sometimes they can’t even be bothered to AIM AT THE CAN and just THROW IT ON THE FLOOR.
It’s disgusting, absolutely disgusting. I have to hover over the toilet seat instead of sitting down. Every time I’m in there I feel like I’m catching an STD. I can’t enjoy long showers anymore, I hate it. I sat down a little while ago and talked about it with the youngest, Carlos, and to his credit, he has gotten way better about keeping his mess clean, but he still refuses to clean anything in the bathroom and I can’t say I blame him bc it’s still a mess. Marta is by far the biggest offender. It’s just the 2 of us at home today, so I grit my teeth and up in there. Like clockwork, within the hour there was unflushed poop in the toilet, tp in the trash and on the floor and pubes everywhere. I’m starting to really dread every time I have to go to the bathroom bc I hate that part of the house. And, I have a strong suspicion that Marta and Carlos blame the mess in there on me in front of Maria bc every time I try to get them to help me clean the bathroom she yells at me for being lazy. I would’ve already asked her to switch chores, but, other than this one (really gross) thing, Marta is really nice and generally a good person, and pretty much my only irl friend right now, and her and her mom already fight a lot and I don’t want this to be another thing that Maria uses to attack her with. (Maria is generally not such a good person. I’d More-so characterize her as the antagonist older sister in an 80’s, coming of age rom com, stuck in the body of a balding, stumpy, bitter, 49 year old woman.)
WIBTA if I refused to clean the bathroom and asked for another chore instead? At least, until they start to clean up their shit? Idk, I’ve never dealt with this level of unhygienic behavior before and I’m not really sure how to approach the situation. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 3,
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i9b6f0uCmoQosKAKoLNQwoUf11L7WPMA | ayu3c6 | {
"description": "asking my aunt/uncle to step in for my mother at my other aunts wake",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for asking my aunt/uncle to step in for my mother at my other aunts wake | tldr; a Chinese funeral ceremony begins with a 3-5day wake of the deceased, so friends/family can all have a visit and say goodbye. the hall is very air-conditioned and I can hear my mum coughing like shit after day 1. her other sisters/brothers barely did anything to help the prep so far
I am currently in Singapore, AC is a big thing over here (I live in Germany where we barely ever air-condition) due to the humid hot weather.
One of my 3 aunts has passed due to illness a couple of days ago and my mum (youngest sibling of 6) has been at her deathbed when she took her last breath, planned the funeral service, the catering for the wake, the wake itself and will handle the liquidation of my late aunts estate.
my mother, my sis and I have been staying at the estate (we both are here on visit to see my late aunt before she passed, my mum lived with her for the past year but she is getting her own apartment).
The church where the wake is being held has a very strong AC and my mother spent the entire day (10AM-10PM) at the wake and its only day 2/5 that the wake takes place - don't ask me about this tradition, it's the first time for me to witness this kind of wake.
she is coughing hard and I can hear it throughout the house. None of my other relatives have offered to plan anything - they are very nice, but they just show up when everything is setup and prepared.
my sis and I support my mum as well as we can, we sifted through 50 albums to give the funeral service pictures for her wake video, started clearing and packing her things up for donation, while her step kids (happy step family, they loved my late aunt) never offered any help, just showed up for the wake in the afternoon.
my sister an I will be leaving on march 14th and I dont want my mum to have all this burden AND be seriously sick ontop while being alone, but we can't stay any longer because we both live and work in Europe | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ZKg02d1VDeqXPlN060B8tgp4IaOqbCWh | b1a12s | {
"description": "writing an open letter telling my fellow club members how I've been badly treated",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for writing an open letter telling my fellow club members how I've been badly treated? | Throwaway because reddit.
Some background: I have voluntarily for the past 5 years designed a massive sports club website from scratch. This website has the usual site promoting the club but also a database managing members details, attendances and all aspects of the running of the club. Prior to me doing this it was all on paper. Legally we're obliged to keep records for many years. I used to be on the committee but left to just be a regular member when I started full time work. I carried on maintaining the site and making changes as needed by the club.
Last week I received an email from a committee saying my services had been voted out by the committee. No discussion, no forewarning, no formal thanks, no explanation. I was informed separately that several other committee members wanted in on the action. The decision was ratified at a meeting of club members I was conveniently not informed of or invited to. I am still a member.
I have been losing sleep over this, I've lost a huge project that I really enjoyed.
Following this I published an open letter, addressed to the committee, sent to the entire membership explaining exactly what had happened. It was completely polite and factual without any of the anger I was feeling (confirmed by several independent people before sending). I immediately recieved multiple emails back from the committee saying that it had been a democratic decision, it wasn't personal and that my letter was unprofessional and unnecessary. I have been threatened with several courses of action for bringing the club and its committee members into disrepute. These threats can swivel as they have no grounds on which to give me any kind of penalty or action.
Tldr; got sacked out of the blue in suspicious circumstances from a voluntary role I'd poured my soul into for years. Wrote an open letter to the membership outlining the treatment of a fellow member by the committee and now I'm being told I'm an asshole. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
OY7BDbHv0BiNkOhhak7O1wzNga7mSfGJ | as2001 | {
"description": "changing my valentine's day plans",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 15
} | AITA for changing my valentine’s day plans? | My boyfriend has been upset with me since Valentine’s day.
About a week before Valentine’s Day my bf and I made plans to do a date at his house (I life about 45 minutes away at college and so we see each other about twice a week at most). However on Valentine’s Day I decided that I would rather just stay at my dorm with my friends and do a date the next week or something.
When I told my bf this he got upset because ig he planned a bunch of romantic shit by learning my favorite childhood songs on guitar and dinner and stuff but how could I have known? He didn’t tell me before I canceled.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 15
} | WRONG |
3dj3rD0h1HUojKJ7kwD2PGnTCfr7IQB9 | b3jqwb | {
"description": "denying to do a job for my uncle",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for denying to do a job for my uncle | Hi, so I'm about to graduate college with a degree in Computer Science. My uncle is very aware of this, so during Christmas time he hinted to me in a jokingly fashion that I should make a program for him for some type of price tracking so he can use it to enhance his chances to make a profit off of the stock market I assume. He then said I would end up getting a % of the profits he made if he made it and that is all really. I brushed it off and carried on after that.
Earlier last week he called my mother, possibly knowing that was probably his best way to get me to go to his house and for him to pitch his idea. My mom told me to call him, and I did. It all began with him saying hello, followed by saying "Mr. Computer Science smart guy". He then followed by asking me to show up his house and take a look at a something on his computer. I asked him what he wanted me to do, and he was like "it shouldn't be a problem for you, you are a smart guy who is about to graduate.. if you don't know you probably will figure it out with that Computer Science brain". At that point I was really didn't like how vague he was being and said i'll think about it.
After I said that, he really didn't accept what I said and was like "Alright, I'll let you go" but then told me to text him something along the lines of "hey, it is me and as we discussed on the phone I'll come over and help you". Which I didn't like at all, I felt like he was trying to get some type of written confirmation on me so he could use it somehow against me(not sure if that is how it even works). After I hung up, that part of asking me to text him that just angered me and I straight up told my mother I wasn't going to do it because I didn't really want to do it and midterms are coming up, and I have my own programming assignments I have to do. I was told that basically I am an asshole for not wanting to help family, and that he is my "Godfather" and that I should always help family because they're blood. I stood firm with my decision, but now I am being scolded. I'm wondering if I really am the asshole in this case because I wouldn't go to his house and do what he wanted me to do because he wasn't upfront, and probably use the other family members to pressure me to work on this project he hunted at since Christmas for me to do to only be commissioned if it made him profit.
Am I really the asshole because I didn't want to do this? I don't really know how big of a job it would have been because of how vague he was being, but I feel like I should stand my ground so people know I won't just drop everything just to work on their next idea.
Tldr:? More info I guess:
Uncle wanted me to come to his house to "help him with something on the computer" I asked what the problem is and he basically answered vaguely saying that my computer science skills is needed then asked me to text him something very specific saying I would help. I didn't text him that and said I did not want to do it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
LM4mVwElpn1X25JOgbzo9XmohyM11KgJ | b90nd7 | {
"description": "wanting my ex-roommate to pay me back the security deposit from two years ago",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting my ex-roommate to pay me back the security deposit from two years ago? | two years ago my friend and I decided to share an apartment, but at the time she couldn’t afford the security deposit (1.5 months rent). She always said she would oh me back but it just has never happened and it’s been so long since that it feels awkward to even bring up anymore.
Disclaimer: I’m probably not going to ask her for it, but is it wrong for me to be annoyed with the fact?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
BErQC7Wrf5rZmZJj3GXyx1bgjwy2nUvQ | b2p9re | {
"description": "not inviting my best friend's boyfriend to see her graduate Basic Training",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | WIBTA for not inviting my best friend’s boyfriend to see her graduate Basic Training? | So my very best friend (let’s call her Katie) who I spend every minute of every day with is currently at Basic Training for the Army National Guard. Before she left, she told me to keep up with her boyfriend (let’s call him Nathan) because she was worried he would feel lonely w/o her or cheat on her, either way, I should keep watch. I wasn’t friends with Nathan before this, but I also did not despise him either. They support each other so I support their relationship.
Lately, he had been texting me constantly, at least once a day, saying how much he missed Katie and how he just felt like he had no friends w/o her here too. I invited him to hang out with my friends (also Katie’s friends) and I, just casually at first, but then specifically to stuff that we would be doing so he wouldn’t have to “mope around his empty apartment” as he put it. He would always respond, “I will get back to you on that.” and respond to it really late at night saying “Sorry I missed it”. His latest response to hanging out with us was, “Well, I am never really free on the weekdays. Or the weekends. But I will let you know.” Its gotten really annoying so that when Nathan texts me that he misses Katie, I ignore it or leave short responses.
Basically, me and my other friend decided last minute that we are going to see her graduation in two days. Its a 7 & 1/2 hour drive. It was brought to my attention that I should invite Nathan to see her, but at this point, I really do not want to. He did not want to spend time with us originally, so I just feel like an almost 8 hour drive would be miserable if he came along. Would I be the asshole if I didn’t? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
XK79TCMZLHgpwy9V6phvEM4purPrDQoe | adybvh | {
"description": "expecting my boyfriend to pause the movie when I fall asleep",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 19
} | AITA for expecting my boyfriend to pause the movie when I fall asleep? | My boyfriend and I sometimes watch movies in bed before we go to sleep. I often fall asleep during the movies. I would like him to press pause when I fall asleep so we can continue to watch the movie the following night. AITA for expecting this? We started watching Ratatouille yesterday and I fell asleep about an hour in. Tonight I said “let’s continue Ratatouille” and he was like “I finished it!” which tbh he always does. So tell me if IATA! | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 18,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 19
} | WRONG |
DIMnZfQyS3jpI14V62Exz1WiuSHSyUMB | awpwmw | {
"description": "being confused",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA I’m confused | So I was with some friends at a cookie dough/ice cream parlor and when we were walking out I held the door for them while one of them was putting on his hood and gloves. These two other girls walked out before my friend did and thanked me; I in turn nodded my head in acknowledgment while waiting for my friend. After they walk out one of them turns around and obviously annoyed says, “you’re welcome” to me and storms off with her friend. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
GjyS4DKEeY9YI9FyRHzsT1mL08ynlIHI | a496ml | {
"description": "sleeping with a best friend's ex-girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for sleeping with a best friend's ex-girlfriend? | Title says it all really.
​
I was drunk senior year of college and hooked up with my best friend's ex-girlfriend who he had been separated from for 2 months. This best friend had already slept with another woman in the meantime. I didn't tell my friend until tonight, during a drunken spree of Overwatch, at which point he understandably got made and refused to talk to me. I feel I already know the answer but... AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
INLpOf5RjZQraPGkpBRYT8WYDwQ29l3C | as9c0f | null | AITA for (more or less) ignoring my best friend who came to see me on my birthday? | I always make a big deal about my birthday *before* the actual day, and often do nothing. I’m talking countdowns when the day is 200+ days away, etc. then pretty much ignore my birthday. One year I invited my friends out and we saw a movie and ate after. But that was it. My last birthday, I still did the whole birthday fever jig, but much less than usual. I was in school(I’m in college)but it was a Saturday, so free day. When people asked what I’d be doing, my answer was different variations of “Stay bed all day”.
My school is in the middle of nowhere, and bad roads make it worse. The school itself is great, but when you’re basically cut off from civilization, going home or doing anything fun becomes a chore. After getting my answer of “Bed”, my best friend said he might come over. He didn’t confirm it, so I wasn’t expecting anybody; he always made sure I had at least a week’s notice anytime he came around.
Around that time, we’d been having some issues. We have a mutual friend, let’s call her C, who is also in my school. My best friend would come to my school, supposedly to visit me, then ditch me for C. There was nothing going on between them, romantic styles, but somehow they always managed to third wheel me. This had happened at least 3 times already, and I mentioned it. He promised to do better. C was my roommate by my birthday, and planned a surprise with my best friend and another friend of ours.
So on my birthday, I was in bed(like I said I would be), watching a series, and Bestie arrived. He brought me a cake. It had been a while, and I was excited to see him. But I hadn’t planned to entertain people. I was going to stay in bed and watch my series, which is what we usually do. But I was told I was being rude, so I paused it to join them. I don’t remember exactly how, but Bestie and C monopolized each other again, and the other friend was with his girlfriend, so I was alone. So I turned back to the thrilling adventures of the 99th precinct.
Later, C went to be with the lovebirds, and Bestie and I were left alone. He mentioned I was being rude again, so I paused it again and sat up to speak to him. Funny thing: I completely blanked. I didn’t know what to say to him, and he was also quiet. The awkward silence stretched out, and finally he told me not to complain to him that we don’t talk anymore, and that he had made the effort to come all the way to my school and was away from C so we could talk and I was just silent.
By this point I was exhausted. I hadn’t expected anyone, I was being attacked for being socially awkward(he knows I am), my plans had been disregarded in favor of their surprise. So I didn’t even try to explain anything,or defend myself. I just let him go. This alone makes it out to be a bad day, but I actually enjoyed it very much. By the time they left, we were all in high spirits.
So, was ITA or it was just an unfortunate event? | HISTORICAL | {
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6zZZvAAVjPqPhwAkLqiyLBxeFCLBFDcu | aewjb6 | {
"description": "not paying my friend back",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not paying my friend back? | Was traveling through Europe a while ago and I needed to get some cash out from the atm, the credit card I had charged a higher withdraw fee than my friends' card, so I transferred them (100euro) and asked them to get it out from the atm. The atm had an error and it took the money from my friend's account but didn't give out any cash, my friend tried it again and it worked the second time around. My friend insists I owe them 100 more euro. The argument they are using is that they did me a favor, without them doing me that favor they wouldn't be down money, I'm saying they need to talk to the bank, and if the bank doesn't give them the money then I will give them the 100 euros...
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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M2xxXxZRE1z3gVRh5lmnrgg29DKRfHMw | az1z6u | null | AITA: Have a 7 month old with my partner of 10 years. His family don’t like me. I don’t want to see them as - he does. | I’ll make it short as I can. Been with P for 10 years and I’ve had problems with FIL ever since.
1) Got engaged 3 years ago. FIL decides it’s the right time to take P out and ask him if he’s making the right choice marrying me EVEN THOUGH HE THOUGHT P WOULD PROPOSE EARLIER. Why would he ask AFTER we were engaged and not in the months leading up to it when he thought it was imminent
2) FIL decided to tell me that he didn’t like Indian food. Ok great my friend. Not a problem. I’m mixed race (Pakistani & White), your White but the fact you don’t like Indian food *literally* does not bother me in any way. Everyone has preferences. BUT, to then go on and tell me it’s because you think Indian people (IM NOT EVEN INDIAN) because they are disgusting unhygienic people and Indian food is tainted by their “dirtyness” INFURIATES me. He then says, I can say that because your not Indian.(wtaf)
3) We were all going to go on a family holiday with P’s family. We all submitted dates that we would/wouldn’t be available. FIL decided to pick a date that only I’m not available. P tells him I’m not available. He says it won’t make a difference if I’m there or not
4) He deletes me on Facebook. Literally went to the effort to click on my profile and unfriend me, when I’m not even a part of his physical life.
5) Baby comes along. Asked him to not smoke if he wanted to hold the baby when we met. Blew his top off about smoking being an unproven risk and all the presents he brought the baby were now contaminated so wash them.
7) I don’t know if this is a “new mother thing”, but FIL never asks about new baby. The rest of his family annoy me with how much they spam me asking about the baby. His dad has never asked once about him.
6) Not really an issue but pissed me off. Announced to him the baby was born. He said oh is his last name Patel, he’s taking his mums name? I JUST DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT THE POINT OF THAT WAS.
Anyway, we have a family event and I’ve done my best to avoid him the last couple of years. I just can’t be bothered with it. He makes me feel uncomfortable and brings no value to me life. NBD. P goes sees him now and them end of. However, baby is now here. P wants baby to have relationship with FIL. Baby is breastfeeding, so has to be with me for a few more months. I don’t want to go to family event because I think his dad is an ignorant idiot. Also, he literally doesn’t even ask about the baby so it won’t make a difference if he’s there or not. Argument ensues. I don’t want to force baby to have relationship with FIL. I don’t want to see him.
AITA? Do I just suck it up and go? Do I stand my ground and not see him, meaning baby doesn’t see his granddad?
pls help internet strangers! | HISTORICAL | {
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mw87d245BlXovP3GY113m0Kmr6RcNXi3 | ax63yc | {
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend because I'm only now starting to realise it's not going anywhere",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend because I'm only now starting to realise it's not going anywhere ? | Hey so I've been with my gf for almost 9 months, I'm 21, she's 20, it was serious from the very beginning. We started the lovey-dovey talks after a few days, it was really intense. She has severe anxiety issues and is truly childish, when she's pissed she'll be like a teenager and say " pff, you don't get me " to pretty much anyone that is right when arguing with her, she's stressed all the time, cries a lot ( everyday actually ), sometimes for really silly stuff. She wants to stay in our medium sized city forever, she doesn't like change at all, she likes comfort. I'm the opposite, but I thought I could handle not moving forever, and went along with it, making plans with her about a house, a car, pets etc.. ( I feel stupid for thinking about that this early.. ) and I told her we would stay together forever ( she said that too, and still does now ) etc.. I'm starting to regret it now ( first, I'm never that cheesy ) and I'm starting to realise after a few months that it won't work.
I won't be happy staying in the same city forever, I don't like our culture, our cities, the way we behave etc.. I need change all the time, I need to travel a lot, to move a lot. We're not compatible at all, we're way too different. We talk a lot and have a lot of fun, but we're fundamentally different, and it's not gonna work. So far you're probably not getting why I feel like an asshole, I'm just a guy who wants to breakup for normal break up reasons.
The thing is, she's always been really generous with me, she bought me a lot of expensive clothes despite her 250€/month student scholarship, she's always making sure I've got everything I need, she's really sweet, and truly nice, which is why I feel like an asshole, that and the fact that I always told her that I don't mind staying here forever ( until a month ago when I stopped saying these things ). I feel like she'll think I'm " thanking " her for being nice by breaking up with her. Plus she's in her exams period, so she's even more stressed, breaking up will crush her since she's not expecting it.
I'm planning to break up next Thursday right after work ( I work from home on Thursdays ), so she'll have the evening to come pick up her stuff with her mom and her sister, I'll go get a beer since I don't want to meet her family.
AITA in this ? | HISTORICAL | {
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Eq18W7kcfc6xCwru0YKEA0qqgv2qHqGz | aym36j | {
"description": "trying to repair this friendship",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for trying to repair this friendship? | I was friends with this girl all throughout college, and we shared a friend group. Late in college, I noticed she had seemed to slight me in particular, shutting me down when I offered advice, not responding to friendly messages, and being resistant to making plans to hang out. I reached out to her via email over the summer, and she provided a thorough explanation of why she had been acting that way. She apologized and expressed she did value our friendship.
Senior spring she began hanging with a couple of my roommates and her attitude towards me seemed to shift again, and there was an odd, exclusive/secretive dynamic going on between her and my roommates.
After graduation, I met up with this friend once and we chatted. She had plans to travel in the fall and seemed excited.
After that, she made excuses to not hang out, and eventually didn’t respond to my messages. She stopped liking my posts on social media, and one of my old roommates (who was close friends with her) unfollowed and unfriended me out of the blue.
At a friend gathering late in the summer, she ignored me when I greeted her. I reached out with another long message in the fall, which was ignored, and I then sent a letter to her in the mail, which was also ignored. At a friend gathering back at our college to see a show, she avoided me the whole night (to be fair, I definitely wasn’t trying to connect with her by this point, as I felt extremely hurt and awkward that she ignored my messages for so long).
After the gathering, I reached out once more and stated that whatever her frustrations with me were, it wasn’t fair for it to impact our friend group and our ability to all hangout together (as my friends intentionally split off with each of us to avoid any awkwardness). She responded after a couple days and said that I was exhausting, it was stressful to be friends with me, I made her feel like she was under a microscope, she didn’t want to be friends anymore, and she felt like things could never go back to normal. She expressed that there was nothing positive in our friendship and she felt there wasn’t anything worth saving. She then said we could discuss it if I wanted but she didn’t care either way, and also said she felt she should respond instead of ghosting me. I did not respond until a month later, when I inquired about if she was willing to meet to have an in-person conversation about things, and if not, I would be around if she ever did want to talk.
She then blocked me on social media, and when I liked her ex-boyfriend’s post, he blocked me too. I realize that maybe I pushed too much, but I also feel like her major lack of communication and passive-aggressiveness made it really hard for me to know what was going on. I feel like I wouldn’t have kept noticing little things if there wasn’t anything to notice. None of my friends really know why she had such a problem with me specifically. I’m just a loss and feel sad that she feels we had nothing worth repairing.
| HISTORICAL | {
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QbQhPQtj91CSw5TjStTF5OQtRe0tajy9 | abl7zj | {
"description": "wanting to remove a suicidal person from my life",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to remove a suicidal person from my life. | Throwaway account because I'm 99% sure he uses Reddit.
Also I'm on mobile so apologies for grammar errors.
I've known this kid for quite some time, he has anger issues, is suicidal and has mild autism. In the least mean way possible, me and my friends are sick to death of him. He's violent towards us, seems to think incredibly highly of himself compared to others and could probably be considered a sociopath. But some of the stuff he does to others around him, we're absolutely sick of putting up with it. Am I in the wrong here? I know a friend is really what he needs right now but he doesn't act like it when he goes around hitting and disrespecting them. | HISTORICAL | {
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u6S0UTFWkI5Ljlst3sIhj5gdtiPrk0kh | b4zoi9 | {
"description": "asking my mom to use male pronouns for me",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking my mom to use male pronouns for me? | This is a bit of a weird situation and I’m legitimately not sure if I’m in the wrong here.
I’m a trans woman. I recently-ish came out to a handful of people, including my mom, and thankfully everyone’s been pretty understanding and supportive so far. However, I’m not able to socially transition yet and I won’t be for a few months, as I currently live with some relatives who would be less than pleased if they found out. Anyway, I recently asked my mom to stop referring to me using female terms/pronouns because she’s a bit absentminded and I think that if she kept calling me “her” in private and “him” in public she’d inevitably slip up and out me as trans to someone I’m not out to.
I thought I was being reasonable- just calling me “him” for the time being seems far easier than the alternative, and I thought it was a realistic concern- but she was hurt. So reddit: AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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hZv6GQ9HwdG62NuUCOzjAqBi07nOEdhp | az5zbf | {
"description": "resting bitch face",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for resting bitch face? | This is less of an AITA situation and more of an ‘am I generally an asshole’ kind of thing.
We all constantly see people preaching about being nice to strangers. You never know what someone’s been through, what their day’s been like, etc. I wholeheartedly agree with this. Under no circumstances have I intentionally been rude or unkind to a stranger.
However, lots of people have told me that I don’t seem very approachable from afar. I don’t go out of my way to interact with people, or engage in small talk. I’m also not very smiley in general. I suffer from acute resting bitch face. This being said, if I am approached by someone, I will smile and exchange pleasantries for a little bit.
This constantly makes me wonder if people perceive me as an asshole. I would never want to offend anyone or come across as one. What do you guys think? | HISTORICAL | {
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ZrI2rwulddHRCxheyqnPc18a4FhEZMeA | awacge | {
"description": "telling my friend that many of the fictional characters she believes are real don't actually exist",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling my friend that many of the fictional characters she believes are real don't actually exist? | Throwaway.
​
So I (13F) have a friend (Also 13F) who we'll call Emma. I was hanging out with Emma and my two other friends (12M & 12F). We'll name them Zack and Julia, respectively. For some background info, Zack really didn't like Emma and Julia was cool with her. Emma also *really* likes Disney. This is pretty long so TL;DR at the end.
​
I don't remember how the topic came up, but we started talking about Disney World. Julia was the only one who had never been there, so I told her what it was like. I talked about how you could wait in lines to meet the characters. Then I said, "Oh, but I hate doing that. What's the point of waiting hours to meet people in costumes?" Emma suddenly said, "What do you mean? They're not in costumes! Those are the real characters!" We all got pretty confused, and I thought she was joking at first. Zack, who I'm guessing thought she was joking too, laughed and said that they were obviously people in costumes. Emma seemed to get really angry after that. Julia explained calmly, "Emma, you *do* realize that those aren't actually Mickey and stuff... right?" Everyone but Emma agrees and she starts getting really riled up now. She rants to us that just because we don't believe in that stuff, doesn't mean we should say that its fake. I got pretty pissed at that point and told her, "How would a mouse from a cartoon even come to life anyway?"
​
She stopped talking to us after I said that, so Zack, Julia, and I got on to the topic of all the fake characters we were lied to, like Santa, the Easter Bunny, etc. and Emma overheard us and got even *more* pissed. She stilled believed in all those things and she was angry that we would say that stuff. We told her that these characters were fake as well, which was a mistake. She claims that we 'do this all the time to her' (which I'm pretty sure we did not, maybe Zack sometimes but not everyone) and that she was going to text her mother that we were bullying her. I had had enough of her at that point and just stopped talking to her. We're on good terms now, and I don't talk about fake characters being real or not, but I feel like I might've been TA for bringing it up at all.
TL;DR - Friend gets mad that my other friends and I told her a bunch of fictional characters are fake, she gets mad and yells at us, I tell her off a bit, she threatens to tell her mom on us.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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zVeYzxLcQxrVxUAimSE83zeoKWE39GqE | a4do1j | {
"description": "being angry at my gf for drinking something she already swore off",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for being angry at my gf for drinking something she already swore off | Alcohol is a big issue for me in our relationship. She's currently studying for her masters and go for occasional drinking with her classmates. It made me uncomfortable because she never introduced me to those classmates and she got really tipsy a few times going home, at very late hours. This made me upset quite a lot because I feared for her safety. This went on for some time but it didn't really became a friction point until a few weeks ago.
This was when I invited her to a friend's party and boy did she get dead drunk. I was bombed myself but not to the point where I don't know what I was doing. She lost consciousness and vomited, with some of my friends who were not introduced to her yet at the receiving end.
I and a number of colleagues took care of her until she became well. She said sorry and said she would never want tequila from that point forward. Needless to say, a number of my friends did not have a good impression of her that night.
Now, she went off a with her MBA colleagues for a beach trip overnight. I was confident she won't even touch any hard drinks because of what happened previously (she said she was also scared for her health) although I did honestly expect some drinking to happen.
She said that indeed there will be some drinking but it will be casual and light.
However about an hour later, she comes back to me that her classmates are already beyond tipsy territory, but she's still okay. I was caught off guard because I expected only light drinking but they were having the very thing she swore off - tequila. I was completely dissapointed.
I told her that I was not comfortable with her being in the company of drunk people. She said she's taken in some shots and pretending to be drunk so she won't be given more. I told her I was not happy being led to believe that 1) she was going for a light drinking bout and 2) she said she's never going to have the aforementioned hard drink since the last incident.
I was clearly upset and when we got to a call together, she was lashing out at me for being a killjoy. She says I'm forgetting the fact that she did not get drunk, despite everything. I did tell her that she could have refused, and that I was misled by the whole "light drinking" alibi.
Finally she said it was her life and I was a control freak, while I was just looking for real answers why she got herself in that situation and why I was misled.
Reddit, AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | WRONG |
QYIVXE9yCUXrqj3JsY1W8qpmTc59NVdk | at5xws | {
"description": "eating an ice cream bar out of my friends fridge",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for eating an ice cream bar out of my friends fridge? | This happened a few years ago but I still think on it time to time as an instance where I totally misread a situation. Backstory: My neighbor and I became friends, know each other about a year at this point. Been over to his house quite a bit, have house sat/watched his cats for a day or two on occasion. One time, he told me they were going to be gone for a week and asked to house sit/watch the kitties. He told me that I would have the run of the house while they were gone, fridge/snack privileges, playing their games, stay the night, etc. I wasn't really planning to take full advantage, maybe eat a granola bar, have a little ice cream (they stocked my favorite) but I like my own place so I wouldn't be staying the night.
Fast forward a month or so and he asks me to cat sit for half a week, sure no prob bob. After I feed the cats, I peek in the freezer and see a box of tasty reese's ice cream bars so I help myself to one. I texted him to let him know that the cats were okay and that I partook in a tasty treat. He texts me back immediately saying that "it's weird that you thought it was okay to just eat our food like that" after explaining that I thought the previous stays carte blanche rules were still in effect he keeps texting me saying that it wasn't cool and that he was saving those for a special occasion. Totally get it, had no clue, offered to pay for a whole new box or at least to replace the one I had consumed. He declined my offer and reiterated how it wasn't cool. And that was that. I was never asked to come over, watch his cats or really talked to me again after that.
I absolutely understand if he was saving them for something, I didn't place value in something so easily replaced that's on me. But was it wrong to think that I would still have house privileges from the previous watch? Or was I being naïve and overstepped my guest rights? AITA? Thank you for weighing in. | HISTORICAL | {
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dQEV2dgQWFksrfINCaIwMCAGMfc940bD | a1vjww | null | AITA at a dog park | This morning I took my dog (chewy,1 year old 25 lb) and my 1 year old daughter to the dog park. Which was normal but a small teacup sized dog was attacking bigger dogs closer to Chewys size. While I had my daughter in my arms the small dog came and confronted chewy and nipped at him. Than chewy(my dog attacked the smaller dog. This all happened in between me and the owner of the smaller dog( about 15 feet ) so I walk over with my daughter in my arm and try to push chewy with my leg ( no luck ) to break it up. The lady comes over yells at me and says “when your dog fights another dog is when you get your dog”. Not knowing if she was being serious I just chuckled and the lady left the park with her dog. Would I be the asshole in this situation for not being more active about breaking it up? | HISTORICAL | {
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nphyFSrOnb5jtnp8mHaXhTwOKA51MNcZ | a73h8q | {
"description": "not sharing my inheritance with my sister",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for not sharing my inheritance with my sister? | My dad passed away a few months ago. His death wasn’t a surprise (he was very ill for quite some time) so he was able to draft a will well in advance of his passing.
He and my older sister got into a big disagreement before he died and he ended up writing her out of the will.
The biggest issue was that my dad didn’t approve of my sister’s marriage (which required her to convert). I don’t want to say which religion it is. I’ll just say that there are very different cultures and value systems at play and my father was concerned. Personally, I’ve just come to terms with the fact that it’s her life, and she’s going to do what she wants. But my dad had a much harder time with it and, as a result, she didn’t get any of the money.
So now she’s come to me basically asking if I plan to give her anything. I really don’t know what to think. I feel my dad had his wishes laid out in the will and they were executed as he wanted. Secondly, although I haven’t disowned my sister or anything, I can’t say we are as close as we were before she got married. It’s been difficult because her husband doesn’t get along with our mother and I’ve felt that I have to side with my mom out of a sense of loyalty.
On the other hand, I do love my sister. And it saddens me that she’s become isolated from our family. But I don’t feel that I’m the cause of it...
Anyway, that’s the situation. So do you all think it would it be terrible of me not to give my sister money?
| HISTORICAL | {
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F6IQ4HRHhVueOMM6yZz9bBzmy765YHAC | akkgf8 | {
"description": "wanting to move on from a fight",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to move on from a fight. | This story is long, but I need to get it off my chest and know if I am looking at this all wrong. I am a 2nd year university student involved in a fairly tight-knit nonprofit oriented club. As has happened many times before, I was in a friend's room Thursday night playing a few drinking games and generally just hanging out, with people leaving one by one until me and my friend (we will call her Angie) were left. She's been one of my closest friends here, someone that I trusted with a great deal, and I think at least until Thursday she would have said the same.
We were both drunk and had been having a rough week, so we were just lying on the floor until the next thing I know, she's rolled on top of me and we're making out. She initiated but I reciprocated, and I absolutely could have handled it better, though to be frank, I don't think distributing the blame is a worthwhile exercise. Shortly after we began, she started freaking out that she had ruined our friendship and group of friends, and the next couple minutes were a surreal blur of watching her alternate between hyperventilating and jumping me. Eventually, I texted a mutual friend and confidant of hers to come over and help her, and left, because I did not think I was helping.
I tried to talk to her the next afternoon-I figured it would be awkward, or difficult, but we could laugh it off eventually and move on, and if she had some unexpressed feelings or something that had led to the previous night, that we could air it all out. Instead, she told me explicitly and unambiguously that she never wanted to see or talk to me again. In the time since, she has alternated day to day between wanting to meet and talk but always backing out, and going back to radio silence. This has strained a variety of mutual friendships and relationships, and it is getting worse with everyday. I am trying to give her space and time, and to respect her feelings, but I don't view the silence as productive.
I want nothing more than to try and mend my relationship with my best friend, but I know that from her perspective, I have betrayed her trust and hurt her deeply. My question is: Am I the asshole for thinking that to some extent she is overreacting? It was a brief mistake that we both made, and I can't believe that she is ready to throw away a valued friendship over it--while to some degree the motives are undoubtedly selfish, is it so bad to want to just talk and try to move forward? | HISTORICAL | {
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mxrwuGyEKGLOwJA78KrTlDYU9bgdZed1 | ad1czg | {
"description": "not buying anything at the club",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not buying anything at the club? | There's a local bar/club where I live that has free cover for people over 21 before a certain time (10 or 11). This is obviously because people over 21 are probably going to be buying alcohol.
Is it rude to go to the club, take advantage of free entry, and then not buy any drinks while I'm there? Obviously it isn't rude to not drink alcohol, but should I at least buy some water or soda and tip a few dollars? I've gone before without buying anything and I felt like an asshole. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ttq6O0N7mXR5yv4pwzrHx3tYYc6GonkP | b2mr16 | {
"description": "not wanting to go out with a girl I previously was interested in",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to go out with a girl I previously was interested in. | Throw Away because peeps know my account
I used to be a scrawny dude and basically looked like Shaggy from Scooby Doo.
So last year I went to a party. My friends encouraged me to talk to this girl. I've heard about her as we have a few mutual friends. ( let's call her Kaitlyn ) I saw her and let's just say I was interested.
I approached her and tried to talk to her and the conversation went like this.
Me:hey wh.. ( she interrupts me)
Kaitlyn: EW GROSS
Me: what?
Kaitlyn: go away creep.
I think she began to shit talk me because people started giving me the stink eye and some big burly guy began threatening me so I decided to leave.
I would say six or so months ago I decided to change my a style bit I got a new haircut, new glasses and did some lifting. My friends say I look amazing and I agree. After the transformation there's people who still don't recognize me.
So yesterday I got a message on facebook from Kaitlyn she wanted to talk over coffee. I just ignore her. Later that day a mutual friend told me Kaitlyn really wants to go out on a date with me. I told my friend I didn't want to go out with Kaitlyn as I am no longer attracted to her. My friend told me that I'm obligated to at least go out on one date with her as I was previously attracted to her.
Kaitlyn messaged me and called me an asshole. A few of our mutual friends are calling me the asshole. Some of them are saying I'm obligated to at least go on a date with her. So AITA | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
CNbh3QTJl9k7oHgPKG3ctphWl3rr14kg | aztnyp | {
"description": "not walking the dogs with my dad",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not walking the dogs with my Dad? | This is just today and i know this is a little petty. I just feel a little guilty and was wondering.
My dad and I, while we both were unemployed, would walk the dogs every morning a long morning walk then a shorter afternoon walk. The morning one is not quite an hour and the afternoon thirty minutes.
I began working about a week and a half ago. Long eight hour shift, on my feet in steel toed boots, where I also bus an hour and eleven minutes there. To get a reasonable amount of sleep I take an Uber back.
I was taking a shower and when I stepped out my Dad asked "oh taking a shower before the walk?" And I commented " I'm still adjusting, don't you remember?"
The truth is I had said I'd eventually return to doing the walks. However... I had not said it yet. I had been doing the weekends but never said I'd do the weekday walk yet.
His "okay" was so down I felt really bad. Particularly since my whole social life is my computer and I've been so tired I haven't even had the energy to do my chores outside the weekend. So it occurred to me i haven't spent as much time with my parents besides lunch for the past week.
On top of that. My dad has major depression and we're very close generally. So I feel really bad when I bummed him out there. I plan to offer to go tomorrow.
But AITA for rejecting the walk initially? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ZbE1Mprjfg3G9WglEOFMRUH2sL8S0nFU | asi1nt | {
"description": "being angry they didn't order food",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for being angry they didn't order food? | Context, just finished year twelve with my partner of a few years, and went on a trip to Europe to celebrate. They are French, so we were going to visit their grandparents in Brest and Paris, before going to London, Berlin and Rome. I'm am Aussie so I was freaking out as it is so far away and so much colder than we get here, in addition to spending six weeks alone with them.
So first 10 days we spent in France, with their family, all lovely people but spoke about as much English as I speak French. So around the table I spent a lot of time twiddling my thumbs, with the odd translation. It was nice but eventually got quite frustrating.
Not wanting to be disrespectful and not having come around the world for nothing, I threw myself at the opportunity to try the weird cheeses and drink wine for brekkie. We couldn't go out because my SOs sister and brother in law both worked late, so we had to look after their toddler, which was, you know, fine, but not really what I'd hoped or expected to be doing for the first week of the trip.
A week and a bit later we arrived in London, and I was beyond excited to be able to go out and understand people and try proper British food, so night one we decided to go to a pub around the corner. On the walk my SO said "oh can we go to that Italian place?"
I pointed out that we are actually going to Italy so we might as well wait until then to load up on pasta. At this she became withdrawn and a little prickly, but i thought it would pass.
It should be mentioned that they like to think they are a little more cultured than I am. They live in a slightly wealthier area of Melbourne and whatnot, so dont usually go in for pub food. But I figured this would be waved given that we were in the home of fish and chips.
How wrong I was, they refused to order anything despite earlier declaring their hunger. That really rubbed me the wrong way, that they weren't willing to step outside the comfort zone, after I'd done nothing but for 10 days. Upon pointing this out, they became angry and told me that we'd done nothing but what I want so far. And at that I absolutely fumed, I unloaded. I told them that what I wanted to do wasn't sit silently listening to their family speak French and then look after a fucking toddler. Not loud enough to make a scene but there were a few strange looks. They called me a cunt and stormed out.
I could've definitely handled it better but everytime it comes up they insist I was an asshole, so, was I? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
iE4JrRk5Ymbho2ftBiEgN37FaFDWwDkX | b5e0z9 | {
"description": "asking my neighbor to use different laundry detergent",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I asked my neighbor to use different laundry detergent? | I’m not usually smell sensitive, but my downstairs neighbor uses some kind of floral laundry detergent that is so pungent and overwhelming, the smell comes up through the floor. It’s like a flowery Agent Orange, I’ve never smelled anything like it. I can barely stand in my laundry room (which is above his) because the smell makes me sick and gives me a migraine. Even my husband who basically can never smell anything finds it unpleasant. And my living room is on the other side of my laundry room wall, so I can’t even lay on my couch without smelling it. I just want to be able to lay on my couch like a normal person but I can’t and it’s maddening.
We’ve only lived here a few months but we have a cordial relationship, he seems like a nice person.
I’ve even thought about offering to buy him some from Costco, whatever he likes just so it’s not causing him any problems for him financially. WIBTA if I asked him to use something else? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
vxIxxGJrpMp4ZnVvk2KPTNi87dXkCNMw | a5ytrt | {
"description": "not inviting my stepmoms mom to my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I didn't invite my stepmoms mom to my wedding? | **For background**
My stepmoms (we'll call step mom K for ease of reading) mom has always rubbed me the wrong way. She always seems to be nice, but kinda fake nice, like she's just tolerating me because my dad married her daughter. K and i have a great relationship, no issues to date (abiut 11 and half years.) A few years back, the thing that really got me riled up, was that she invited everyone except me to go to Hawaii. They never did end up going, but she said they would go, and that she would pay for the whole thing. I wasn't even on the invite list, but I was asked if, when they did go, i could come feed and water the five dogs that would be left behind. I wouldn't have been able to go anyways, due to work and money concerns at the time, but the invite would've been nice. My dad was super pissed about this, because he believes very strongly in family ties, and that family, all family, is important and should be respected. After this incident, I've kept little to no contact with K's mom.
**The issue**
I'm now engaged, and the wedding is in June of 2019. As I've no inclination of dealing with K's mom, I asked my dad if I needed to invite her. My dad said it would be the right thing to do, so i think I'm going to do it. But i really don't want to. So, Reddit, I'm asking. Would i be the asshole in the scenario? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
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