id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
fX91ou9bSlShRRaBzTZnw4CJnTDTE1VU | aovcof | {
"description": "getting upset with my boyfriend over the lack of communication",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For getting upset with my boyfriend over the lack of communication? | "oh great, another crazy clingy girl". But am I really being that asshole?
He says that he's busy, and I do believe him. He's an engineer major and I know he's got a ton of STEAM classes and lab partners and study groups, and his own study sessions he always has to deal with. He's an hour and a half away at school (so kind of long distance but honestly, not really)
That being said, am I being an asshole for telling him it's kind of bullshit he can't send me a text back? I'm always willing to start a conversation, always calling first. But he sometimes doesn't reply for hours, or even at all.....
Yet, I see him on Facebook and Snapchat.....
I told him I think it's bullshit he is able to get on social media but can't text me back. And of course he tells me I'm being crazy.
It takes literally 30 seconds to text back. Less than a bathroom break, less time than than it takes to walk to the fridge.
He has enough time for his tennis team practices which is two hours twice a week and to go to the gym every other day, but he can't send his girlfriend a text back?
Was I the asshole to tell him it's bs? Or am I in the right?
Update: For anyone that cares - turns how he actually WAS avoiding me because he's a cowardice asshole that cheated on me👌 Have a nice day | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
YoCmzvcWsotkNfI3i780ULpwmvrZK1Gx | b2bkr7 | {
"description": "telling my depressed friend I don't want to talk to her",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I told my depressed friend I don't wanna talk to her? | My friend is depressed and she thinks her friends hate her and are just being nice. I'm on spring break and I just wanna play civilization 5 and enjoy my break. I don't hate her, but trying to convince her she's not worthless on a daily basis is draining and I'm the only person she has to talk to over the break cause she lost her phone and most any communiction she has is heavily monitored by her parents and will yell at her if they suspect she's doing something they don't approve of. Wibta if I told her I just don't wanna talk to her? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
RRVrJd153lAqoOGiUsg40zlgsor5ILbK | b04dhg | {
"description": "accidentally giving my coworker an awful gift",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for accidentally giving my coworker an AWFUL gift (by mistake!) | My workplace is trying out some new initiative in the name of camaraderie or teambuilding or whatever where we have to give each other heartfelt ideally handmade (lol) gifts. They're hoping it will boost morale. It doesn't. Knick knacks and itchy sweaters (which are against uniform code in the first place...) don't change a damn thing.
Anyways today was my turn and I was supposed to get something for my coworker but I forgot all about it so I bounced on my break for a last minute gift. I couldn't think of anything he'd want so I just ended up picking up a pie from the food truck outside lol. I showed my boss to get his approval but we found out it a was a pretty nasty pie. Like. Disgusting this is going to destroy you from the inside out if you even go anywhere near it kinda pie like RIP your insides. We left it unattended while we were talking about what to do about it but my coworker ate it ALL before we could warn him.
I didn't mean anything bad by it nor did I have any malicious intent. He's not my favorite person to work with but it's not like I'd wish food poisoning on him or anything else but this is pretty fucked up and I feel really bad about it. I was planning on at the very least trying to make it up to him by spending the day with him doing whatever he wants if that will help
So reddit AITA? My boss is convinced that I am. He thinks it was really awful of me to do this after he knitted me not one but two sweaters for his gifts. Anyways please respond asap because he blows up at sunset so I don't have much time to waste thanks | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
J3y3tAdff7avS7nE0ByL8l0w2sXHTtdH | au05yv | {
"description": "being angry at my brothers pc addiction",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for being angry at my brothers PC addiction? | Alright so let me explain, my bro is extremely obsessed with computers, he even knows a little bit of HTML. He is almost completely silent whenever hes here which worries me that he might have poor social skills. I was tired of him being on the PC for over 7 hours nonstop, so I shouted at him to stop, he didn't. I then made a huge fuss out of him playing too much, he responded and easily beated me in the argument from that point I stopped caring.
Eventually my mom also said that shes angry over that. He has good grades, and if theres an exam coming he would often study for 3-5 hours. He can control it for important times but other times, rarely.
Another thing is that he isn't obsessed with computer language etc, hes obsessed with games or gaming in general.
I started a long argument about his addiction, in which I won, he rarely plays now but has been showing signs of stress and even depression. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 12
} | WRONG |
ZsmRjXTlxf48XYzbgWowQ9rQ397GogtG | b92ig4 | {
"description": "getting the weightloss surgery I've always wanted despite my fiance's wishes",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA If I got the weightloss surgery I've always wanted despite my fiance's wishes? | Hello all. Recently, i've received the opportunity to get the weight loss surgery i've always wanted. I'm ecstatic, this could be a real turn around for me. My fiance however is less than thrilled and it trying to get me to not get the surgery. He says I don't need it and this it's a stupid unnecessary risk. He gets really heated about this, but I feel like I almost need this surgery. My family all has a history of being overweight and dying young, I already have heart problems (unrelated to weight, just a shitty ticker) and any stress off of it is a win for me. This would also really help my mental health as most of it stems around my weight. This is causing a lot of turbulence amongst our relationship and I'm thinking of backing out of the surgery so it will stop. I'm beginning to feel like I'm in the wrong for putting myself through this, but I've tried diet and exercise, it just doesnt work. He wouldn't pay for anything for the surgery or even have to take care of me after. So reddit, WIBTA?
TL;DR: Have a chance to get a life changing surgery, fiance doesnt want me to. Thinking of backing out because it's causing so many problems. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 20,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
GIzjnrrfuoeEU2UcB6iDZJ32Gmd8ID4D | aga5ae | {
"description": "thanking the correct person",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for thanking the correct person? | This is my first time on here so, here we go.
I dated this girl over a year ago. It was a mainly physical relationship that was just a rebound on my part. We only lasted 6 or so months before breaking it off.
We still got along with one another though. So fast forward to Christmas this year, I am in a new relationship and extremely happy. Well my ex gave my girlfriend a Russian pen she "found" and told her to give it to me and to make sure I knew it was from her. 1. I love Russian stuff. 2. I knew the pen was actually from one of my GF's best friends as a gift to me. (Its complicated I know).
So I took a photo of the pen and sent it on snapchat to my GF's Bestfriend and just said thanks. Well somehow my ex found out and is flipping out on me over this stupid pen. Saying I'm just a dirty liar and sore loser who cant get over her.
AITA??
All of this over a dumb ass russian pen. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
yW8uID7fyMyvg1vdP5yPda6kI9zWjAXL | azyg58 | {
"description": "just wanting my stuff back",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for just wanting my stuff back? | So about 3 months ago now I let my friend borrow my backpack to take home some books I let her borrow. The books were a gift to me but she seemed interested in reading them so I let her.
Fast forward a couple of weeks, I'm at their flat to help them clean it for an inspection and I find one book open and bent to hell under a pile of dirty clothes and rubbish. She sees me straightening the pages but she says nothing so I just keep quiet too. I was pretty pissed off, my boyfriend had just bought me that. I don't see any of my other stuff though which is worrying seeing as I helped clean her whole damn flat.
I let it go for the time being but after a month I really need my stuff back, (it's my biggest backpack and I can't afford another one right now.) so I messaged her through facebook asking if we could meet up so I can get them back, she agrees but cancels last minute. So I message her a week later and she does the same thing again. I'm getting pretty sick of asking by this point but she's my only friend and we've known eachother for 10 years so I certainly don't want to argue over this. Few days later I ask again, this time she replies being really short with me saying that she's pregnant and and tired and doesn't have the energy to be running round for a bag and some books. Okay, I get I'm annoying and pestering her at this point which I hate, but I really need my shit back, so I message her again and say I can just come over and she can throw my shit out the window if she doesn't want to come downstairs. In the end she offered to send her boyfriend to meet me amd give me them back but I was busy that whole week and couldn't, (which she knew). Its been months now and I just stopped asking because I feel like I'm being annoying, I know shes preggs and tired but its my stuff.
I've seen her a couple of times since all this and she just doesn't bring it up, she's been to mine but she didn't bring my stuff. I've been to hers and she never said a word. I didn't want to bring it up and put her on the spot, I'm so scared of pestering her incase it turns into an argument, which isn't unlikely as she was really short when I was persistent with her.
Will I be an asshole if I keep asking her? I'd never be short or rude about it with her, but I get that persistently pestering someone can get annoying, especially as she's pregnant and ill. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
B5LTkbaJxKVOlYzw2FcnTggDYUMxBelG | aqo1be | {
"description": "not wanting to move to my husbands home country",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to move to my husbands home country? | I met my Albanian husband 7 years ago and we love each other and have 2 kids (1 and 3) he has a valid visa and could do however he pleases if he only wanted to. He came to the UK with his parents when he was a teenager and he never really liked it here. I get that. He didn't come here voluntarily but because his parents didn't see any other way out of poverty.
He finished school here and is a really smart guy in general but he never really did anything but work in retail. He hates it but he doesn't want to change anything. On really bad days he tells me we're going to move to Albania, he can't do this any longer. Ever since dating he told me it's his wish to go back home someday. I accepted that and I told him "if you can make a living there and a safe home for us we can go." however, he has no plan, no funds and we would live in poverty without access to welfare or anything. So I refuse, he gets upset and tells me he never wanted all of this to begin with. I feel sad knowing the kids and I are the reason for his unhappiness. I just don't see a future there because he has no qualifications, no university degree to build on.
Seing him sad breaks me heart because I really love him. He's a great dad to our boys and a good husband but deep down I know he won't ever be happy here.
His depression or home sickness has gotten so bad whenever something bad happens he blames it on the UK. Like, literally anything. Someone accidently pushed him on the crowded train? - Damn English people. The kids are ill and I take them to the doctor, he prescribes them medication - damn doctors here only want to make money off ill children. When he was a kid he only got to drink the medicine his grandma made out of herbs and it helped...and so on. It's gotten to a point where it offends me on a personal level. I grew up perfectly fine here and so will our kids but he's so obsessed with the idea how in Albania everything is better. We live in a safe area, lots of families, nature and we live in a nice flat. Yet he just sees the negative.
Maybe he is right and I am just arrogant and selfish?? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ezBNaA6zmhRNSGrYBqERXP6QawOAuFTp | augp22 | {
"description": "actually listening to a friend when she said to give her space",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA (28F) for actually listening to a friend (29F) when she said to give her space? | Backstory: friend and I have both had rough years for very separate reasons. I’ve been back in therapy to cope with anxiety, and she just started a new career as a social worker.
She’s only been in role a few months, but I think compassion fatigue is hitting hard. She’s grown increasingly negative and combative. Nothing makes her happy, and with my current state of anxiety, it feels like my fault - I give in, back off, or shut up when there’s the least amount of tension.
She’s also been making an increasingly bad series of life decisions. Started by deciding to hook up with her roommate - another close friend - and then getting disgusted and lashing out at him when he caught feelings, even though she suggested dating. That blew up and ruined a friendship, leaving him broken-hearted.
Then she secretly started hooking up with my best friend and chose to hide it from me. Without knowing what was up, when they both stopped returning my calls, my anxiety went wild and assumed they both hated me because I was too hard to deal with. When I found out they were sneaking around behind everybody’s back, I confronted them both for hurting people. Keep in mind, this point, she still hadn’t dealt with the roommate - and now she was pulling the exact same move with someone else, hurting me in the process and asking others to lie for them.
This is when I was labeled an asshole. I was told “this doesn’t involve you” and she refused to hear when I said my piece. The guy heard me out, admitted he put me in a bad place (because I’ve also been expected to lie to the roommate to cover for her), and we’re fine.
I was told to give her space, and did. Now she’s upset that I’m “blocking her out” and spending time with “her” friends. I was also told by another friend that it was my responsibility to fix it because she won’t.
That didn’t seem fair, but I tried to reach out on a healthy basis and explained that I haven’t been avoiding her, but I needed the space too. This apparently wasn’t acceptable and now she wants a sit down to hash it all out.
I’m pretty sure I’m not the asshole. Like 99%. But I don’t know how to approach this conversation with someone who so clearly believes that I am. So Reddit, help me out - am I the asshole? If so, where do I fix things? If not, how do I approach this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
It5nKjg9zJTGuUnm9wD5SMPWoKky2J9T | b10c3t | {
"description": "loosing drink privileges at church",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for loosing drink privileges at church | Ok first a disclaimer
1 I’m a 13 year old writing on mobile so sorry for grammar
Anyways let’s get on with it
Backstory
This takes place at my churches youth group which we go to every Wednesday I’ve been going to it for 1 and a half and I absolutely love it. Recently people have been distracted with food drinks and other stuff during service
So yesterday was any other Wednesday I was having fun eating pizza and talking to my friends before service now one of my friends likes to stock up on soda before service starts (cause some kids are vultures) and during service he gave me a can of soda, now I couldn’t open it then because your not aloud to.
So fast forward to prayer before we sang worship songs
I had the soda in between my legs to hold it while I prayed, with that in mind while I adjusted myself in my seat the soda fell to the floor
[soda opening noise] and then proceeded to leak with a little bit of power so it still made a sizzling like noise for a little bit. So I grabbed a paper towel and pressed it to the can to stop it from leaking and fast walked to the bathroom to let it leak while the other leaders gave me dirty looks. So after worship was over we went to small groups and the leader said (while looking me dead in the eye) “because of some people we are the only group in the many years I’ve been here that can’t bring drinks or food into service”. Then my one friend who gave me the drink said “ great job ruining it for everybody
So AITA here or is NTA
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
kGrRgndWoa7D6gYmDxwwdORnblu5bnBL | ashj4k | {
"description": "not wanting my boyfriend to spend the day with his ex for their sons birthday",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 255
} | AITA for not wanting my boyfriend to spend the day with his ex for their sons birthday? | My boyfriend has a 5 year old son and his birthday is coming up. His ex wants him to go and spend the day with them so that they can show their son that even though they’re not together they both still care about him and want to be with him on his birthday. I said does she want him to do this every birthday? And he said maybe. I told my bf I’m not ok with him spending the day with them together. He said it’s just for his sons sake but I don’t think it’s appropriate or fair on me. AITA for thinking this isn’t ok and not being ok with it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 255,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 8
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 255
} | WRONG |
Xj24tug7LJJJah06KZuuZgwqjfeNffr5 | b60p6d | {
"description": "wanting my son to go to university instead of my daughter",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 29
} | AITA for wanting my son to go to university instead of my daughter? | **Backstory**:
My wife died in a hit-and-run accident when my son and daughter was about 4 (they are twin brothers and sisters, pigeon pair as some would say). She did not have life-insurance, and I did not get any financial support from her family because they pretty much are all dead or very poor. I am a only child, and my family has kind of a tradition for having only child (I think I am the first one to break it). Being so, I don't have any cousins and my father died last year, he donated all of his estate before he died. Basically no financial support from my family either. Although I do earn a good salary, ever since my wife died I have to drop my position and switch to a lower position to take care of the kids. The pay on the lower position is absolutely crap, but my boss recognised my talent and said that he would grant me a swift promotion if I can spare the time.
**Story**:
My son and daughter are equally bright, but for some reason my son is very mature early on and recognised the importance of studying. Ever since middle school, my son has consistently gotten top grades for all subjects, and got the "dux" award (basically top student in school academically) in both middle and high school. Got 1580 on the SATs, 800 on three SAT subject tests and 42/42 on IB\*. (Basically, excels academically) On top of that, he also does competitive programming, tennis and also math Olympiad, scoring very good placings in competitions. He also does a lot of volunteering stuff in school.
My daughter, on the other hand, is the average kid. Above average in academics, plays tennis, and goes out with friends on the weekends. Compared to my son, she got 1480 on the SAT (good score), didn't do subject tests and 37/42 in IB. I accepted this because I frankly don't have the time to push her around too much. Just like her brother (my son), she does her fair share of extra-curriculars and volunteering, though she never participates in competitions.
**The dileema**:
Now is the time for university applications for my son, and I face a very difficult dilemma. My daughter and son are planning to apply to universities right now. My son's dream school is Stanford in the U.S, as he wants to major in CS . My daughter wants to aim at Rice, and wants to major in Biology, but due to being international students, I roughly still have to pay the same amount. Because of all the years of working at a lower paying job, I never really saved up much. I calculated and basically I could only afford one to go to a U.S university, the other one either has to go to a local one, where he/she can take a student loan, or a cheaper overseas university. I haven't told my children yet, but if I had to make a choice like this, I obviously wouldn't not pay for either just for the sake of equality. I would prefer to pay for my son's university tuition and convince my daughter to attend a local university.
So reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 29,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 29
} | WRONG |
Z6IUQ28pRQ69zrh8ILr6vuDnfu5kLGqH | b9iebf | {
"description": "not wanting to do the Triangle dance with my mom",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to do the Triangle dance with my mom? | So just as some context, I'm in ballet, and earlier in the day my mom was trying to stretch my feet. I was getting a bit frustrated because it felt like it was hurting me more than stretching. Then later she was making my sister study so much that she threw her phone and told my mom she was done.
So on to the actual story. I just got home from helping my dad get groceries, and my mom tells us that there's this new dance called the Triangle dance, and that she, my sister, and I all had to do it together. I said I didn't want to, but she proceeded to teach me how to do it anyway. Once she was finished I told her again that I didn't want to do it, and walked away to do my homework on our computer. She then told me I wasn't aloud to use it, even though I told her what I was doing. She then started talking to my dad, saying things like "I don't even know why we had kids, they're all being jerks." (A.k.a. the "I wish you were never born" card). So I got up to go to my room, but she told me I couldn't go there either. Then she decided she was going to do it with my dad and sister, but she wanted do do it where I couldn't see so I couldn't see "how much fun they were having." Annoyed, I went to the laundry room instead to clean out my backpack. After they're out in the living room practicing the dance for a while, my mom comes into the laundry room to talk to me, basically telling me that I was being selfish for not considering her feelings, and how she thought it would be fun. But she wasn't considering how I might've felt about it. So she goes back out and they start dancing again like nothing happened, and she comes back over to me to talk some more. She starts asking me if we're going to just be enemies until I graduate because I wouldn't do this dance with her. She goes back out again, and by then everyone was tired so they're all on their phones. My mom then says "hey, this dance is on TikTok! Ha, CC doesn't know it!" Which I'm sure she said to try and make me feel bad, as I'm an avid TikToker. Later in the night we started talking about it again, and even though I told her I didn't feel like dancing regardless of what had happened earlier in the day, she disagreed like she knew me better than I do.
It's been a couple weeks since that happened, and one night my sister was talking about how in her class she saw some people doing the dance. My mom then threw that in my face like I'm still supposed to care.
So, am I the one in the wrong here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
hRuNwgeVcArv4NlH0EuHB1gP7c9K40bs | b3j9hd | {
"description": "confronting my university for frequently entering my university housing apartment",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I confronted my university for frequently entering my university housing apartment? | I’m on mobile. Formatting. Etc.
At the beginning of this semester I moved into a new apartment owned by my university. When I applied to live here I wasn’t told that there would be frequent construction going on in the complex as well as our apartment. The apartment is in really good shape and i don’t really have any issues with it. Currently the only thing needing to be fixed is a huge square hole they cut in our ceiling. It’s been there since the beginning of February and they have yet to do anything with it.
As soon as the semester started we began receiving papers saying that our apartment could be entered between 9 am and 5 pm for a full month. I was frustrated with the first one but figured I couldn’t do much about it. At the end of that month we received another of these letters. I feel like giving staff the ability to enter an apartment at anytime is intrusive. I’m constantly on edge about being able to shower during the day because what if I step into my room to find a staff member? I can’t even take a short nap between school work because half the time I’m woken up by someone needing to work on the apartment.
I feel like I live in a constant state of being prepared for someone to enter my room. I can’t relax until after 5 pm. My roommates and I keep a tidy apartment so we don’t have an issue with receiving a citation for cleanliness. I have an anxiety disorder and i feel like this constant stress is making it harder on me to be a functioning person. I feel like I don’t have my own space because of this. I also feel like a have almost no privacy.
I just need to know if I’m being an asshole about this. I would like to complain to my university housing department but maybe I’m just being way too sensitive. I understand that sometimes things need to be fixed but currently our apartment is fine and livable. Summer is approaching and we are being kicked out for further improvements to the apartment. I don’t understand why these issues they see can’t wait until then. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
jtWBofp1s89rGwB9w7rlbeJGt2Zg50zG | at46yd | {
"description": "\"selling my kidney with extra steps\"",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | WIBTA if I "sell my kidney with extra steps" | Sounds like I'm selling my organs with extra steps.
Try to keep it short and simple, I have a stupid amount of student loans for an art degree I don't have because I wasn't good enough/ didn't have the passion for it. I was talking to my buddy at work, joking about how I wish I could just sell a kidney to pay off my student loans. Without that bill I could even take the time off work to do it.
Then it hit me. I could make a charity page set up to pay off my loans and after reaching my goal fulfill the promise of donating one of my kidneys.
Buddy says that is just like holding a patient hostage, and that's just selling organs with extra steps.
Other coworkers were a 50/50 split.
Am I the asshole for thinking that getting my student loans paid off is a fair trade for a kidney? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
nO4KKPgOAUF9c5xbnBLfQQIRyLYXPLkd | b0io7e | {
"description": "being annoyed at a person clapping during Capt Marvel",
"pronormative_score": 32,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for being annoyed at a person clapping during Capt Marvel? | So this just happened a few hours ago. I'm down in Florida visiting my brother for spring break and he, his girlfriend and I decided to go see the new Captain Marvel. It was a pretty decent movie and was one of the few Marvel movies I've seen and I'm hyped for Endgame now! Anyway, so we were watching the movie and some pretty intense stuff happens towards the end when a certain someone unlocks certain abilities and this woman behind us would NOT stop clapping to the beat of the music and every time this certain character did something badass. It took me completely out of the moment and sort of ruined the experience that I paid for... I didn't confront her about it, but my brother's girlfriend implied that I was wrong for feeling this way when we were talking after the movie. Just looking to see what y'all think. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 30,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 32,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
chVAEkY4foR2T1KbrPFdKdVKO0xCpqe3 | b995xb | {
"description": "not giving a school secretary my student Id even though she already had the info",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not giving a school secretary my student ID even though she already had the info? | The other day, I was a few minutes late to school, so I had to go to the attendance office and ask for a tardy slip. The secretary there asked me my full name, which I stated. She then typed it onto a computer, and my school info showed up, with my school photo and everything. After she wrote down my name on a slip, she then asked me my student ID, to which I said "but don't you have it on the screen?" She then muttered under her breath "you could've just told me" in an annoyed tone." She then filled the rest of the slip out, and said "here you go" in a monotone voice. I felt like someone did something wrong here. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
8SudLnqZg4Lqvr03hZXhYOnoVE7aAVFj | b1mpq0 | {
"description": "thinking it's rude and disrespectful to call bartenders Chef's",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For thinking it’s rude and disrespectful to call bartenders Chef’s? | Okay, so I don’t know if this is becoming a thing everywhere or if it’s just localized but recently it’s seems to have become the practice to call bartenders or mixologists at nicer cocktail places “Chef”. I told one of my staff tonight after hearing it numerous times and getting very frustrated that it was incredibly rude and disrespectful to call them that because (at least where I’m from) a chef has to apprentice for 8,000 hours and pass 3 trade certification exams in order to obtain that title officially. I find it very insulting but apparently I’m the one being unreasonable for voicing this opinion. Am I crazy? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
HkpI7w7IlxgKBuETCWvnJsIfXjmFWkMW | 9u9dm0 | {
"description": "boycotting Thanksgiving dinner",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA for boycotting Thanksgiving dinner? | So I am part of a newly blended family. My father married my step mother 3 years ago and as such, we are celebrating Thanksgiving together. I \[23F\] and my sister \[28F\] have inherited two new step siblings \[29M\] \[32F\] whom are both married and one of which who has kids. I am the only one who lives in state. So everyone is traveling to our parents house for Thanksgiving. However, my sister and I have just been told that our aunt (our deceased mother's only sibling) and our grandmother (my father's mother) are not invited to Thanksgiving dinner.
My sister and I obviously flipped out a bit since we have spent almost every Thanksgiving and Christmas with them. My dad has been playing mediator with my stepmother and my sister & I. He says that her vision for Thanksgiving is one with only the "core family". This comes from her tumultuous relationships with her two kids, that has finally now calmed down a bit. We've been told that our aunt and grandma can come to the house after my stepmother's kids leave on Friday and that we would have another dinner. That doesn't seem good enough for me. So my sister and I have come to the agreement that if they are excluded that we would not attend Thanksgiving with them and instead have Thanksgiving with our aunt and grandmother instead. So WIBTA for boycotting dinner with my stepmother? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
eWR8cG1SpDbdXagPs0JRs53b7EYMgMHD | anmbfw | {
"description": "forgetting to remind my friend of our meetup",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA if I forgot to remind my friend of our meetup? | I had mentioned to a friend (steve) that I would be in his town for an event a week beforehand. I suggested that we just get coffee since I couldn't be there long, as I had to drive 8 hours to get back home. Steve said "ok sounds good", and we left it at that, I figured we could make plans a little closer to the time. The day before, I texted Steve "Hey I'll be coming into your town for coffee tomorrow, when are you able to meet?" and his response was
"Oh I'll be with my grandparents all day", so I responded by telling him ok, I won't be coming through, a little bummed. Steve said
"I didn't think you were serious when you brought it up the first time because you made it seem so casual".
I asked if I SHOULD visit then, but Steve kept saying that it was out of the way to see him, that it was strange I would do this, don't bother, even though I had no problem with driving extra; Steve's my friend.
I apologized for not communicating better and that I should've talked to him earlier, and that I would work on making better plans, but I never heard from him again. We haven't talked in weeks and he has ghosted me on every social media platform since. I texted him for his birthday and got left on read. Was this really poor communication on my part? Am I the asshole for making it seem too casual? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
OPevMvotn3d3SXRNGa04oEQwvXdIYiwb | amk100 | {
"description": "being pissed my husband grabbed my foot",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for being pissed my husband grabbed my foot? | Husband can’t drive for shit and almost rearends people constantly. He did this last night but got closer than normal and I reacted by bracing my foot against the dash. {I know this would shatter my leg if we crashed, but it was instinctual} so apparently feet on his dash is husbands pet peeve so he reached over and wrapped his hand around my foot and started jerking it and yelling at me to get my foot off his dash. I told him he made me really uncomfortable and afraid cause trying to use physical force to make me do something can lead down a very scary path so he’s now threatening divorce cause if I believe he would ever be violent I don’t know him st all. Well buddy, you weren’t violent exactly but the only reason you didn’t get my foot off your dash is cause I never skip leg day. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
tneDi7ryiUWnQYx5z6JXpkuAuJ0vF0XJ | b5ha1l | {
"description": "refusing this request",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing this request? |
I got downvoted to heck for saying this so I'm not sure if I was in the wrong or not, but the context was that I posted I drawing I did about the game SMITE, then a guy asked for a request. I said I might but no promises, then said no as he tried to convince me to draw all 5 stages of a skin that pops up for like, 2 seconds for each transformation in the menu. Here is the following conversation:
them: "This is better than what I can draw lol. Could you draw me an Anubis when you get the chance?"
me: "Maybe. I do often get in the mood to draw without being sure what to draw lol. Did you have a specific skin in mind or his default?"
them: "The Tier 5 skin with every transformation as well? :D"
me: "I'm not drawing 3-4 separate pictures/faces for a request." (didn't remember how many stages there was at the time)
Them: "Practice my man"
me: "No. If I draw something that extensive it will be because I want to. Not because someone I don't know is telling me to."
Them: "Then don't draw it instead of acting like your an 100$/drawing artist lmao"
me: "I wasn't trying to come off that way. I just meant that if I did a request for someone it would be a single drawing, not multiple drawings in one." | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
NvTIwDrcSYFmB4hzyRcGjYeyag2M09ix | ar2vyb | {
"description": "leaving notes out for people going over my parking space, despite not owning a car myself",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 17
} | AITA for leaving notes out for people going over my parking space, despite not owning a car myself? | I've been living at my flat now for close to 5 years, and as part of the rent, I get my own parking space. However, a while back, someone started repeatedly parking in my parking space without ever asking whether it was OK with me. I went to them with my landlord over this twice, and it seemed that they got the message. As part of this conversation, it turns out that they have their own parking space, which is not in the bay that my parking space is in but they don't want to use it since apparently they had issues with their car when it was out of their direct sight.
However, after this situation, they started parking in such a way that it overlapped into my space (to varying degrees); As a result, I left notes on their car windshield, letting them know that they were overlapping into my space. I didn't use threats or anything overly aggressive. As things went on, I was immature by flipping off their house when I went past it - never directly to the residents of the place, but still not cool of me.
​
There was a period where I stopped putting the notes in their windshield, but the issue got to me again late last week, so I put a couple of additional notes in their windshield, with the most recent one saying that it was offensive and disrespectful of them to first use my space without asking, and then to constantly overlap it, despite there being clear markings as to where one parking space begins and another one ends. As I was leaving the building where my flat is the other day, the woman of the house saw me and, amongst other things, said that I was unbelievable and that she's never met anyone like me and so on. She also said that she didn't appreciate the letters, and I responded that I didn't like her parking over my space. I walked away while saying "Morning to you too."
​
AITA here? I saw this whole ordeal as a matter of principle, rather than whether or not I have a car or not. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 17
} | WRONG |
dEbqXYSPhUyFEXLXalDJPeXRJC49B3TI | ay5lb0 | {
"description": "wanting to back down from an unbalanced friendship",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to back down from an unbalanced friendship? | I (21m) am a student. One of my flatmates (21F) is my closest friend.
We became very very close last academic year, and were nearly in a relationship. But for complex reasons it didn't happen.
She got herself a partner and as can be expected, we are gradually becoming less close.
When it's just the two of us, everything is as it was and is great, but every weekend she goes to visit her partner and I (having more difficulty in moving on from our near-relationship) am often left feeling very lonely etc.
I am struggling with the up-down nature of feeling like I have the hands down best and closest friend in the world during the week, to her disappearing completely at the weekends to her partner and I feel like I'm nothing to her.
On one hand I feel like she may be in the wrong for telling me what I want to hear, and that we're not as close as I might think.
On the other hand I feel guilty that it's only an issue because she's still filling the "girlfriend" gap in my life whereas her "boyfriend" gap is filled with her partner, and that if I was a good friend none of this would matter.
AITA for not feeling comfortable with this and thinking that the only solution is to make our friendship less close?
I have asked whether she felt like the unbalance was weird and she said not at all. I don't know if that's true. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
VzuYQN09oeox0nfZjvLVPZIQ2bgmiBSy | afpk76 | {
"description": "breaking up with her",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for breaking up with her ? | I have to pass this through impartial people because the friends i told this story took my side and i don't know if it is because they like me or because i am right.
A little background ,i moved from my hometown to the capital for Girl 2 who was there studying and for 6 months everything went well.I found a good paying job and a small apartment .We were happy (or at least i hoped so ) until she went back to our hometown for 1 week to see her parents and she slept with one of my close friends at the time while drunk . I was heartbroken because of that but not for long because 2 weeks later i work as a technician in a promotion and i meet Girl 1 ( the main character here) and we both fall in love at first sight .
We were together for 1,5 year until i got a minor STD. I go to a doctor that assures me that my girlfriend is cheating on me . After that i begin to not trust her anymore.She swears in everything that she hasn't done anything with anyone but still i was not sure and even though i stayed with her for 2 months never was the same.Anyhow she breaks up with me and i almost felt into depression .'Funny thing " i went to a second doctor at that time to get a second opinion and told me something completely different.That this STD could be inactive in a woman for more that 2 years and that meant that she was probably right and i was wrong.
I tried to get her back for almost 1 month until she agrees to meet me for a coffee.We get there and she was distant and cold.She told me that i should have trust her i agree with that.I was worried though that she was so cold so i asked what is going on and she tells me that she slept with someone else.I was upset and left not answering her messages for a week until she stopped.
**10 years later**
No more that a few happy birthday SMS all this time.She gets FB account and i have a friend request from her.Nothing more than smalltalk for 3 months until she starts talking more and more about us and what a good time we had and what a fool she was to left me .A few days later she announces me that she took a seminar job (she is a dancer ) in my island hoping that we would meet and catch up .I had a really hard time getting over her so i wasn't willing to meet up since i knew our chemistry would overpower my brain easily. I declined her suggestions to meet and then i go to camping trip in a remote beach to fish and get her out of my head.That didn't happen though because we kept talking and ended up telling her where i am and she just took the last bus to come and find me.The bus stops like 30km away and she hitchhiked the rest of the way to the beach.I was astonished and flattered.She really wanted to see me..
Things escalated quickly and we hit it of once again like nothing had happened.She finished her seminar after 2 weeks and stays with me for 1 week .While talking she said that she was sorry about the way we broke up but i should have tried more.I explain that i tried until i learned that she had slept with someone else.Says sorry multiple times and i have no bad feeling about it ,it has been 10 years since then.Everything was like the first time.
She left and went back home to the capital while i stayed in my hometown since i had jobs planned for the next 10 days.After that i was going to meet her and stay together for 2 weeks before i returned.We were talking through skype every night until we went to sleep and planning what we were gonna do while i was there,planning what shall we do to the future.Until 3 nights before i travel to find her she disappears.Called her twice no answer . Next day she calls me and something felt off.She admits that she slept with another guy and says that it just happened. I cancel my trip and after a while i stopped talking to her.We never said we are a couple the second time still i felt horrible once again and couldn't continue talking to her .
Am i an ass here?
​
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4QzKg1i73J8OQNsLf9nuE773tY3keWkC | adi5fv | {
"description": "not inviting my brothers not girlfriend to my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not inviting my brothers not girlfriend to my birthday? | I've invited a bunch of my friends and my brother out and said they're welcome to bring their partners.
​
Immediately after sending the invites I receive a text from my brother asking if I'll invite Betsy.
​
This is a rerun of a conversation we had last year, where I essentially said no, I won't invite her. He kept asking and I held my ground. They're not technically dating, despite him clearly being crazy over her. He's over there most evenings but this has now been going on for years and they'll briefly date then break up because they're a terrible couple.
​
My reasons for not wanting her there are multiple, we'll start with those not relating directly to my brother:
\- She propositioned one my brother's best mates (who I'm also friends with, we'll call her Flange) boyfriends on a night out. Flange was on holiday, so she'd never know was her argument. The boyfriend turned her down and told Flange. Betsy has given me two different stories on this and has reason to lie, so I believe the boyfriend who is a decent guy and adores Flange.
\- She slept with (another) one of my brothers other best friends (again, who I'm friends with) while she had a boyfriend with whom she has two kids with.
​
These are all things that happened before my brother knew her, in fact he started talking to her just after she propositioned his best friends mate. His judgement is not sound.
​
My brother loves to white knight, and she's a single mother with a severely disabled child, so she's essentially his wet dream. To her credit, she's a really good mum and the dad is barely present when it comes to the disabled kid.
​
I gave her a chance when they started hanging out and briefly dating. She's a prime example to me of someone who is fun enough to be around but has a terrible character.
​
I inadvertently managed to break them up 18 months ago when, on a night out she was telling me how I should be more like my brother with dating and I, somewhat drunkenly (and I AITA here) replied "I'm not planning accidentally knock up an 18 year old". She apparently didn't realise how old my nephews mother had been when they were together, she freaked out at him and broke up. A few days later my brother, devastated, asks me to talk to her. I do, and her response is basically that he's a child molester (to clarify, he is not and all was above board). I am frankly done with her at this point. If that's what she thinks of him having known him then she's not worth my time.
​
Anyway, they patch things up because she gets lonely and wants company a week or so later but are "just friends". He at her beck and call. He still chases her, she still leads him on, letting him think they'll be together, a month ago I was told by a third party he had a girlfriend. When I asked him if they were dating again it was "not official yet". It still isn't and her Facebook profile repeatedly states she's single.
​
She's said previously, by my brothers own admission she doesn't love him and likes him because he buys her things. None of his friends like her but they tolerate it and don't tell him what they really think.
​
I don't want to encourage this, or have Betsy there on my birthday. I've said partners are welcome and if she's his partner then she counts too, but I don't want her there and I won't extend a personal invite. AITA?
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
pU9ABIPqNny2Y9xm8FjfddnND317PaT0 | b7o2w5 | {
"description": "calling the cops on my neighbors for a karaoke party",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for calling the cops on my neighbors for a karaoke party? | A couple weeks ago, my neighbors had a karaoke party that started at about 6pm. They have a shop that backs up to our land (we live a half mile outside city limits) that they used to host this event. The music was so loud that we could tell what songs were playing inside our house with the tv on. We were good sports up until about 11pm when it appeared there was no end in sight. We also had 3 other neighbors ask us if we were the source of the noise since it may have seemed that it was coming from the back of our house.
I called a cop relative and asked what we should do and he said absolutely call the cops. We didn’t reach out to them first due to a previous party they had that they ignored us for which is why we went to the cops initially. I also didn’t want to walk into a party of about 20 people who had been drinking for 5 hours and tell them to cool it. Sounded like a bad recipe to me. Well, the cop shows up and shut the party down around 11:30 and we never heard another peep.
Fast forward to this week and the neighbors finally confront us about it to which we explained the situation. The wife of the house got all up in arms and said there was no way their music was too loud and we were lying about the other neighbors hearing the music (we weren’t). I have video evidence of the noise from my house as proof that they didn’t want to see. Now tensions are bad between us and the neighbors. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
LVU213Acz1ZV6a9x4oWE3YFYBY3Th5zJ | 9zqx30 | {
"description": "walking out of Thanksgiving dinner after my family went out of the way for me. it was a disaster",
"pronormative_score": 243,
"contranormative_score": 24
} | AITA for walking out of Thanksgiving dinner after my family went out of the way for me. It was a DISASTER. | There are a lot of moving parts to this story, but here’s a brief backstory.
Every year since I was a child thanksgiving has been held at grandmas. In 2012 my step uncle took advantage of be being blacked out drunk, came into the room I was passed out in, and molested me. Took years to get over it. My whole family still talks to him. As if it never happened. Pretty sure no one believes me. This man lives in another state.
So fast forward to this year and a week before thanksgiving grandma calls to give me a heads up that this man will be in town this year. So obviously, my self and my husband and two kids won’t be going. I am the one who has to rearrange my plans, my family has to miss out. Not him. Which I think is just mind blowing... but moving forward.
My mom is torn. She feels bad for grandma but also wants to see me and her grandkids. So she decided to hold thanksgiving at her boyfriends hours for her immediate family. She tells me to be there at 5, but that I can come over whenever. I’m tasked with desserts so I spend my day baking pies and wrangling my twins to get everyone ready.
We arrive at 5:30ish. Late as usual. It’s a kid thing. Thing are going great. Food is delicious. We decided to play cards against humanity and I leave to run home and grab it really quick. While I’m gone husband calls to say my mom, sister, brother, and the boyfriend and left to grandmas but will be back soon. TWO god damn hours pass and they still aren’t back. They’ve been gone longer then they were there meanwhile we are in this house with two other people we don’t really know. The roommate of the boyfriend and another girl. I’m furious.
So I decided we are leaving. I pack everyone up and text my mom as we get in the car and she says they are almost there. She also sends another text that was a little garbeled but said that I’m not leaving because we are going to get.. and I quote, “tore up from the floor up.” Let that sink in for a minuet. My MOM, who has never said that in her life, is speaking to me like a 17 year old thot. What in the actual fuck? So they show up and she is wasted. We are all outside and I say three times we are leaving just because I want to go. She pushes for an answer and I blow up. I tell her it’s complete bullshit she left in the middle of OUR thanksgiving to go to grandmas. Like why didn’t she go earlier in the day?? It’s bullshit that she assumes I’d want to get drunk on this day. I don’t drink on thanksgiving. I haven’t since 2012 because I CANT. I’m always the DD and I prefer it that way. Too much anxiety.
My bitch ass sister decided to pipe up and says “but we moved thanksgiving for you!” And that’s where shit hit the fan. I didn’t ASK for that. I asked to see them in a different day. They didn’t move thanksgiving FOR me, they moved it BECAUSE of me. Because it’s awkward for everyone apparently. I hear my sister loudly apologize to her boyfriend for having to witness such a monstrosity as her black sheep sister, and I get in the car. We drive away and I haven’t heard from my family since. I ruined everyone’s thanksgiving. I feel extremely angry at my family, but I also feel guilt. I have no idea why. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 20,
"OTHER": 242,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 243,
"WRONG": 24
} | RIGHT |
Z3I5HiS9JVjxy399qttB53hbrZzYvwG6 | b5ndas | {
"description": "selling makeup to my younger sister",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for selling makeup to my younger sister? | Okay so to keep it short and sweet, I’m obsessed with makeup. I own a lot of it and I make purchases regularly. Recently I evaluated my unopened inventory and realised I had way too much to get through before it all went bad. Not only that, I needed some money to pay off a fee for drivers license (broke freshman feels).
So I asked my sister if she wanted it all for $15. Note, this is $200+ worth of eyeshadow, lipstick and highlighter. For FIFTEEN DOLLARS. I would have sold it but shipping costs would just be too much of an issue and none of my friends wear makeup. Sis was a bit hesitant but eventually agreed after checking the goods.
Important note!! Prior to this, I ALWAYS gave her makeup for free. I would let her have pretty much anything she wanted as long as it wasn’t something I was obsessed with (even then, I would still let her use it liberally.)
Now when my mother caught wind, she was LIVID. Screaming that I was a big sister who should be taking care of my little sister. That I should never charge family for anything. And now I feel like shit and being a big ol crybaby. I will probably give the money back while still letting her keep the makeup.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
fq4T0afBafU1yfnRbgb4sHHjTTyQSGDM | aii2sz | {
"description": "not wanting to give back my pregnant sister old room",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for not wanting to give back my pregnant sister old room? | English isn’t my first language, sorry for the mistakes.
So I’m 15, my sister is 18 she as two daughters and is currently pregnant. Her boyfriend is going to college soon and they can’t afford an apart anymore. My parents offered her to come back live with us, my sister says yes. Yesterday she came to the house, to bring some of their stuff, and ask me when I was going back to my old room. I say that I wasn’t going to and she start arguing with my parents that since she’s older and have kids she should have the bigger room.
The room I have right now (her old room) is the biggest in the house but there is also a bathroom (with bathtub), a pretty big closet and an another room attached to it kinda like a living-room.
I need this room because I use the « living room » as a dance studio. I also have too much clothes they don’t enter in the smaller bedroom (my old room) closet, and the room doesn’t have that much place to put more thing.
My sister say she need it because her daughter, only 1 y/o and 6 months old, need to take bath (I don’t mind letting them us the bathtub) and because she want the living room to serve as the kid playroom (there’s already a room for that but ok?). Her only others reason on why she should have that room is because she’s older and that it use to be her room.
Should I give it back when it’s clear I won’t have enough place in the other room?
AITA for thinking I shouldn’t be punished because of her bad life choices? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
Xrw0qoBv8T60y4JB5M1KQqUVIth7VSvc | alql0q | {
"description": "not wanting to make a big deal out of my grandma's surgery",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to make a big deal out of my grandma's surgery? | My grandma is only 70 and pretty freakin active and healthy for her age. We are really close, I lived with her for years as an adult.
The only thing is she just found out her uterus is all kinds of messed up. Nothing life threatening, it would just be better all around if it came out. So she is scheduled for a hysterectomy today.
Meanwhile I just started a new job and have been up early with very little sleep for about a week. On top of that Ive been pretty sick.
My mom and a few of her brothers are visiting my grandma this morning at the hospital. My mom expected me to be up and ready by 7am but she never told me that until this morning. She is PISSED. She went on a rant about how selfish and inconsiderate I was and just a bunch of horrible things before hanging up on me.
Theres a few reasons I dont think its a big deal...
- Hysterectomies are pretty routine. Theyre serious sure but very rarely fatal, and it definitely has a low complication rate for a woman thats already menopausal.
- Im still texting and calling her with support daily. I dont really understand why I need to be there in person if shes just gonna be unconscious for hours.
- Im ridiculously exhausted. I would probably sleep through everything anyway.
I love my grandma and like I said, we are close. Its not like I never see her, because I do frequently. But maybe Im looking at all this the wrong way? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
jeLyAwpGr96KXSqsvXawcviTnXskbUPF | al6imc | {
"description": "not leaving my boyfriends mother at the grocery store because they got into a fight",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not leaving my boyfriends mother at the grocery store because they got into a fight? | I (22F) am living with my boyfriend (24M) of 2 and a half years, his mother, and her best friend. Weve been living here for about a year since my family moved out of state. Today his mom wanted a ride to the store and my boyfriend tagged along because he wanted to purchase a videogame. When his mom got wind of this she got really upset at him because she claims he owes her money for weed she gave him. Its worth noting that when she denies him he sometimes goes into her room and takes it. He claims he didnt do that this time and that he has paid her everything he owes her and more. Im not sure what to believe because they both are being ridiculous and wont calmly talk about the misunderstanding. I want to believe my bf but since he has a solid history of taking weed from her its a little hard to say whats what. They fight. BF decides hes not buying any video game. His mom decides shes only getting milk and bread instead of doing a full shopping trip. Bf and I go to the car where he demands me to take him home and leave his mid 50s mom with some minor physical disabilities to take the bus home or walk in the cold (snowing). Not wanting to I say no we will wait for her but he doesnt want to or to be in the car with her and huffs off. She gets back all of five minutes later meanwhile im pleading for bf to come back. He tells me to fuck off and that he will walk home. Also for reasons I dont want to discuss its unwise for me to drive in the first place so I cant make 2 trips. I find him and pull over for him and he blows me off and walks to the other side of the street. We get home and he is fuming at me for not sticking up for him when all I wanted was for both him and his mom to be adults and go home and talk things out and not be drug to the center of a situation where I feel like my home life will be endangered if I abandon his mom. He says "why should I have a girlfriend who never sticks up for me?" Not going to make this huge post longer but I personally dont think that is true at all. Also worth noting that he broke up with me 2 days before christmas and 3 before my birthday for something similarly silly and then asked to have me back so this feels especially raw and hurtful. Now Im starting to feel so confused and wondering if I am being the asshole here like he claims.
I apologize for bad formatting and writing . | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
K5HSB3sIKvQhTdjf7XhRoLiOvuz07B7b | am5wj2 | {
"description": "telling by best friend she needs to accept few things that cannot be changed - like her age. (she is 35, and I am 20.) that her bitterness towards people younger and more accomplished or occupied than her is unreasonable",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling by best friend she needs to accept few things that cannot be changed - like her age. (She is 35, and I am 20.) That her bitterness towards people younger and more accomplished or occupied than her is unreasonable? | So we are both chemistry majors who met during freshman year. We were lab partners for our chemistry lab and quickly hit it off. She is a military wife, a mom to her daughter who is 5 and three pooches. I find it amazing how she handles her personal and professional life and is great at it.
However, now that we are graduating seniors and everyone is trying to get a job or get into grad school, she has become increasingly bitter about everything in her life. She constantly bickers about how everyone is so young and accomplished. How she is old and is nothing but a military wife and a mom. I happen to be an extremely type A 4.0 student who just got into an extremely competitive grad school and it feels like she constantly tries to compare herself to me. She is trying to get into medical school and constantly bickers about how every pre-med is 21/22 and how all grad students are the same; young and smart.
I'm tired of telling her that age is just a number. And there are so many amazing students that start or go back to school later in life. She cannot seem to digest that and constantly tells me that I'm only saying that because I am 20 and smart and young and have my life figured out. And I cannot seem to get her to appreciate all she has in life. Her loving husband, her daughter, her family, her ability to handle a child while being a full time student and all. I couldn't have done it had I had to take care of a child and a husband and everything that she does.
Only last week this bickering came up again and I ended up telling her that she needs to accept few things in life that cannot be changed - like her age and since then things have been kinda meh between us. AITA for saying it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
zVxKMD0JopdHTNEPGY45k19HiZZ5Q7Eh | aw76b8 | {
"description": "telling my friend's teenage daughter she should stay in school in case her plan of being an author doesn't pan out",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for telling my friend’s teenage daughter she should stay in school in case her plan of being an author doesn’t pan out? | My friend’s 14 year old daughter hates going to school and lacks motivation to do anything outside of fandom. Now she’s morbidly obese from sitting around all day behind a computer, drinking up to a 2 liter of soda and eating junk all day every day. She only goes back to school when my friend gets a letter in the mail saying enrollment in school is mandatory for kids under the age of 16. But even then, she stops going after a few weeks.
Yesterday, my friend asked if I could take her daughter to an appointment since she had to work. I said sure. The appointment didn’t last very long, so I decided to surprise her daughter by taking her to lunch and a movie.
At lunch, I asked her daughter what she wants to be when she’s grown. Our conversation went:
Her: “I’m going to write novels”.
Me: “that’s awesome! I love writing, too! But you should probably know that it’s REALLY hard to make a living as a writer.”
Her: “what do you mean? There’s so many books out there that are so bad I can’t even read them. I think I’ll make a great living with how good my writing is getting.”
Me: “well yeah, it’s true there’s a lot of authors out there, probably more bad than good. But even the good writers have to work very hard to get their books published, and that’s not even guaranteeing they’ll get a lot of readers.”
Her: “yeah, but I already have a lot of people reading my fanfic. I already have a base. I just have to self-publish novels and they’ll buy them and tell their friend and then I’ll make a lot of money”.
Me “while I’m sure that’s true, you should still probably stay in school, at least until you get your diploma. Maybe you could go to [local community college] and major in English or writing?”
Her: “but why go to school to learn how to write when I’m already really good at it?”
I gave up and said “I don’t think that’s how it really works, but what do I know.” And the conversation turned to her latest fanfic she’s writing.
Well last night my friend called me in a rage. “You CRUSHED her dreams of being a writer! She’s been crying all night because she’s questioning herself now. How DARE you go behind my back and tell her she’s wasting her time trying to be a writer”.
I told her I never said she was wasting her time, just that it’s unrealistic thinking she’s going to become a successful author because a lot of people read her fanfictions. My friend said “she is MY daughter and her education is MINE and HERS business. If she wants to believe she’s going to be a writer, let her believe that until she’s forced to grow up and get a job like we all have to”.
I said “but don’t you think that allowing her to just sit around and only do things when she feels comfortable will give her a bad work/school ethic like us?” All she said was “we get by just fine and even if we don’t that’s not your business. Now I have to go console my heartbroken daughter.” And she hung up.
AITA? Should I have just not said anything? I’m really torn up about this. :(
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
zXMy3dBfSta56DneuHDcpYsNOq9Rme6s | b4o0bw | {
"description": "wanting my maths teacher to speak English",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | Aita for wanting my maths teacher to speak English? | I just started high school and my Indian maths teacher struggles to speak full sentences and has a thick accent, she will often just point at a book at tell us to do it as she doesn't know the words. Because of this I have to redo my Project booklet as she was unable to explain what do do, I now have to do it over the weekend and I voiced my frustration to my parents who said I was being racist. Aita here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
8rZ7H66hRgATAIeLq4AVfpTwtSzsfT1B | afoiot | {
"description": "skipping out on a date to watch a football game, and then inviting her over to my place",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 15
} | AITA for skipping out on a date to watch a football game, and then inviting her over to my place? | So I had a date planned our for last night. But I canceled last second to go watch the Cowboys lose. I told her the truth and said I would rather watch the game than go to dinner with her. She was fine with it, knowing how much I like football.
So towards the end of the game I texted her and asked her if she wanted to come over to my place and do stuff with me. She got mad and told me to fuck off. I was confused (and drunk) but ignored it.
This morning I called her and she's still pissed off at me. I didn't lie to her and I wasn't with any other girls. Just me and my buddies at a bar watching the game. Why is she angry at me for wanting to be intimate with her | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 15
} | WRONG |
T3jOBV07rh3OaV81nPBtc2jmP45m8UyT | a60abm | {
"description": "getting mad because of a present",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting mad because of a present? | So, a little bit of back story, since I was young my parents are divorced, my dad eventually got married to someone I am going to call Linda, my mom lives in an medium apartment and Linda and my dad live in an small one, I've always talked to Linda about wanting am dog.
This story happened 1 month ago, it was my birthday and Linda talked all day about how I would love my present.
At the end of my party Linda says she is going to get the present, when she comes back, she has an golden retriever puppy, I was so happy I started to cry, but after about 30 minutes of playing with him I realized, where is he going to stay?
Linda's house was too small for a puppy, and she and my dad worked all day, my house was too small and my mother had made it very clear to me that she doesn't want a dog, when I go ask Linda about she just shrugs it off and says "it can't stay at our house so it will have to stay at yours" and then we got into an heated argument which ended up with her crying and I felling terrible.
So AITA or I was justified for being mad? Also sorry if I misspelled something im not American | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
kWhZLKrUWSQCPAHfpuL5DyFVqK5YC27p | b60jgv | {
"description": "asking my roommate to have there friends leave",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking my roommate to have there friends leave | To preface this, I’m a person that can only really focus on studying or school work in my own room. I can’t focus on studying if I can’t spread out my work or if I feel self conscious of what’s happening around me.
Now last semester I had to leave college almost two weeks due to an emergency. When I got back I wanted nothing more than to hang out with my friends a few hours in my room to relax and cheer up. But my roommate asked if we could move somewhere else since they had to work so I went elsewhere with my friends.
Come finals week I go to my room to study and my roommate is there with multiple people being pretty loud. I said I really need to study and ask if they can move to a new space. Multiple people lived on that same floor, why not go to one of their rooms? My roommate acted like my request was asking a lot and seemed pretty offended. I know they might not see these friends for a a while, but this was while quiet hours were in effect and at a point where I needed to make sure I kept my grades in good standing. Was asking them to leave wrong of me or was my roommate being a hypocrite about the space? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Z2lurs8OuWQ53BDu8DOfuHqn1qaBgMtZ | b68o44 | null | WIBTA if end things with someone so I can mess around? | Every now and then I fall into a depressive state. During these times, I just don’t care about anything (mainly I don’t care what happens to me) and have a lot of S.I. (can’t write the full words because mods will remove this post). Recently, I fell back into this state and have been feeling the usual self destructiveness that comes with this. When it happened last time, I had a few flings with people, smoked, drank, etc. I know this isn’t healthy but that’s not why I’m on this sub.
Before my depressive state, I met and began dating a girl. We are not exclusive but we haven’t dated anyone since we’ve been seeing each other (which has been about 3 months now). Things were going well before this but recently, I haven’t been feeling any emotional or physical attraction to her. It was such a sudden change in my thoughts that I’m not sure how to feel about it. I just want to fuck around, smoke, and drink but I feel like such an asshole to feel this way. I know I shouldn’t blame it on this depressive state but I’m not sure what’s going on. I really liked this girl but now, in the span of a day or so, I no longer feel the same. I know it wouldn’t technically be cheating if I do these things because we aren’t exclusive but I know it would hurt her so I wouldn’t want to stay with her and hurt her.
I haven’t told her about any of this yet because I just started feeling like this a couple days ago. I’m not even sure how to bring it up. Please help if you can offer any advice. It’s like a 180 switch and I’m not sure if I’d be the asshole for ending this with her. I’ll accept judgement if ITA but I also really welcome any advice since I have no idea how to deal with this. Thank you for reading. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
xqg8eirVvC6nu8nZokIOkgrfEmy14tTQ | am770s | {
"description": "not telling my ex friend everything at any time",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not telling my ex friend everything at any time | Fair warning....this will be long so I apologize.
Back around 2016ish I was in a mess. I'd rather not go into it, but it impacted my mental and physical health a great deal. I pushed people away out of fear. When he came...i didn't push him away for some reason. We ended up friends. But we'd fight because of some things that I ended doing out of fear.
We had a massive argument in early 2018. He left and I just had. My mental health deteriorate extremely to the po8nt I was nearly placed on a 72 hour hold 2 separate times. I eventually had someone snap me back to reality and get me out of the mess I was in. And I'm grateful to her for that. I had fixed my head and health and went back and tried to apologise for how I had been in those few years. That I changed and wasn't around those people that caused my life to be hell. He responded and we ended up becoming fast friends again. For a while......the arguments started back up and over stupid or minor things.
Got accused excessively of hiding things from him if I didn't give all the details. Happened quite a few times. Over things like why I couldn't afford something, expecting me to give my parents buisness away. Or my buisness about my work. Would sit there and try to do whatever to have him kept happy. Eventually started to feel like I had to tip toe around topics in order to avoid a fight. Worked for a bit.
About a week ago I got sick and told him that I lost an unhealthy amount of weight due to it and joked about it and that I needed to gain weight. He didn't like the weight that I wanted to be, kept saying I should be 130 instead of my 120 which is better for my weight. In the middle of the argument as to why I didn't want to gain....i told him that I had had some sort of eating disorder and went down to as little as 94 pounds in early 2017. I didn't really not eat or throw up or anything. I ate but only maybe twice a day and not much when I ate. I snapped out of it and gained weight back, but it didn't really stop him from trying to seemingly control my weight.
After that i just wanted to leave, explained and we got into another fight where later on he begged me to reconsider. Which i stupidly did and tried to stay. Though I was cold because I was still rather mad. But I ended up having enough today after I told him something i was fearful about and had him put me and a friend (who he doesn't know) on blast. Wanted to know her name to which i refused after what he said about her. It got to the point we just started making each other hate each other. Blocked him because I couldn't handle it anymore.
I understand friends wanting to know things, but he acted as though he needed to know everything. Which bothered me because of what I had gone through for the past few years...which ended up involving me being irl stalked, and just wanted some privacy of some sort. I've felt guilty a lot and conflicted about if I'm just being stupid the entire time and wrong every time we fight. Others have seen some of the convos and said that I shouldn't feel guilty and that he needs to just accept answers for what they are. But it's also gotten to points where he threatened self harm on himself a few times when I refused to answer and other manipulation tactics including guilt tripping. It makes me feel guilty but angry at the same time and also feel like it's somewhat my fault for staying after he presented clear red flags with some things.
~thanks for reading, and I again apologize for the length of the post. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
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} | RIGHT |
Pi0s60csEVWegjYGd517xCcJhoi732a1 | agdk89 | {
"description": "chasing my flatmates boyfriends cousin out of the house when I thought it was an intruder",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for chasing my flatmates boyfriends cousin out of the house when I thought it was an intruder. | This morning I woke up to someone barging into my room, I didn’t recognise this person. I got out of bed and into the hallway to confront this person and look over and the front door had been left wide open. I asked who they were and what they were doing in the house and she couldn’t answer me. I was in my underwear trying to get this person out of the house, she was trying to hide and not speaking to me. After a few minutes she finally spits out my flatmates boyfriends name so I’m like for fuck sake.
I posted on our flat chat that someone had left our front door wide open all night and I had to chase this person out of the house because they couldn’t give me answers to who they were and now my flatmate is siding with her boyfriend and so is my other flatmate. And I have become the bad guy in this situation.
I think I have every right to be angry that a stranger barges into my bedroom at 5am when the front door has been left open. They said its part and parcel of living in a flat share. Which it’s not, I am meant to feel safe in my own home and not sugar coat my feelings and situations like this don’t just happen!! It could have been anyone barging into my room! It could have been dangerous!!
AITA for thinking that my flatmates boyfriends cousin who I’ve never met before was an intruder when the the door was left wide open and trying to toss them out. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
EsVpt6SMwBfxQZOzlFW4cHK3SFgFiKLE | b8t1z2 | {
"description": "not making my boyfriend come over to my house",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not making my boyfriend come over to my house? | So for some context my boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year, I am 20 almost 21 and still live at home, and my mom is offended that my boyfriend no longer wants to come over to my house. When we first started dating and we would just hang out and not go anywhere we would stay at my house and my mom would say he was over too much. When my mom learned my boyfriend was currently unemployed (he had just quit his job before we started dating) she decided that he wouldn't be a good fit for my future. She started saying things like he's a weirdo and will never amount to anything, that was her first strike with my boyfriend. When the relationship started getting tense between my mother and I and she would take her anger out on me by yelling and generally making me feel bad he decided he no longer wanted to come over as to avoid saying anything that would cause the situation to get worse. My mom has now taken this as my boyfriend doesn't like her and that he has no respect for me because he won't have anything to do with her. I have tried to explain many times why he refuses to come over and why we prefer to be away or at his house but she either doesn't understand or doesn't want to. I love my mother and it hurts me that she is this upset but at the same time I can't force my boyfriend to do something he doesn't want to, and it isn't like they haven't met, as I said before we used to be at my house all the time before this. Am I in the wrong? Should I try to make my boyfriend come over just to please my mom even though I'm sure that one of them will say something that will upset the other? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Owt6alCbwno2Np2q2MQpr6Fv063SS15o | b4zvi9 | {
"description": "being uncomfortable with my massage therapist girlfriend getting a 1 on 1 traded massage from her male friend who's a massage therapist also, and not really wanting it to happen",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for being uncomfortable with my massage therapist girlfriend getting a 1 on 1 traded massage from her male friend who’s a massage therapist also, And not really wanting it to happen. | So my girlfriend is a massage therapist and she has had classes on and off with said friend above in the past. They only see each other when they have classes every few months but don’t talk much. The friend texts her out of nowhere and asked her to swap massages one on one. In class they’ve traded massages with others around, but never alone in a room. She said if I wanted to meet him I could, which I’m all for. But the thought of them alone in a room being friends, and him texting her out of the blue makes me uncomfortable. I really don’t like the thought of her male friend rubbing on her, regardless of occupation. I know I’m being a bit paranoid, but i brought up the reverse if I was the massage therapist and my female friend I never see much texts me out of the blue and asked for a massage. And bringing up this made my girlfriend think she’d be uncomfortable with that situation. It’s not a super serious thing and we’re not arguing much about it, but just knowing her guy friend is rubbing on her while she’s half naked makes me uneasy, and uncomfortable. She brought up that it’s beneficial for her because she’s trying to move salons and he might know of better places, and she’s always giving massages and never getting them, and getting one for free and from a friend would be nice. AITA for not wanting my girlfriend to get a 1 on 1 massage with her guy friend who’s a massage therapist as well, that texted her out of the blue? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
xiv80I4NvmwNmE4y17Urvq6aA1n7AokQ | ammhde | {
"description": "having an emotional affair with my coworker",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for having an emotional affair with my coworker | I'm aware the title alone sounds bad, but please read on.
I \[26F\] work an office job in a team of around 15. It's a small-ish city, so we're all close friends and often hang out after work with our SOs and families. For reference, I am single.
Around a month ago, I was working on a proposal with a colleague \[29M\], when I noticed he was looking kind of down. I asked if he was okay. Eventually he explained his girlfriend of 3 years just told him if they got married, she expected him to move to her home country permanently to look after her parents in their old age.
He told me he loves her and they were planning to get married, but he isn't sure whether he can commit to doing that, as he very much wants to stay here with his friends and family and career. He said he's scared of bringing it up again, because this might be a dealbreaker for them both. He said she has never brought this up before so he was blindsided, and asked if I had any advice.
I've met his girlfriend before. She's beautiful and accomplished, and they seemed like a good match. Maybe I should have just stayed out of it, but I told him not to freak out and just talk to her about options, like:
\- if her parents would be willing to move here
\- what life in her home country is like (he might find he actually likes it)
\- what moving to her country would involve for him (e.g. learning the language, employment opportunities)
\- whether it would be possible to spend part of each year there, and part here so they would get to see both sides of the family
At the end I told him I believed they could work something out, and in the worst case if not, it's better to let her know he can't give her what she needs sooner. Because she has a right to know how he feels and work out what she wants to do accordingly.
After this he thanked me for the advice, and that was it. Over the next few weeks I did ask him if he was okay once or twice, and he said he was taking my advice on board and thinking about how best to approach the topic.
Well he did bring it up a week ago. Apparently he told her he wasn't sure he could do it, and this might be a dealbreaker if they can't find a compromise. Apparently she asked him where this was all coming from, because she thought they were 100% getting married, and he told her he had been thinking hard about it and asking friends for advice. Apparently she asked what friends, and he named me.
I know all this, because she has now told a bunch of my coworkers that I was having an emotional affair with her boyfriend, and trying to break them up so I could have him (???). So for the past week I've been getting vague lectures from people about how affairs aren't always physical, and I crossed a boundary by being emotionally intimate with him.
I agree emotional affairs can be just as bad as physical, but I don't think that's what happened here?
1. He asked me for advice, which I gave to him ONCE
2. I told him to communicate with her and gave some options of how they could overcome the issue
3. I never even said she did anything wrong, or criticised her in any way
But now everything is awkward and my teammates are giving me the side eye, which is making me question myself. So Reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 11,
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KzOGeZc6HDBPMostT1dbyiVRDS8SXWvW | aqa009 | {
"description": "not thinking a \"trip\" was a \"vacation\"",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA for not thinking a "trip" was a "vacation"? | This happened a few years ago when my sister graduated college. She went to a school in the middle of nowhere, but was near a shore town (Imagine Bob's Burgers with a boardwalk and stuff). My family decided to go to her graduation, then go to the shore town, rent a condo, and celebrate all weekend long.
So I take time off of work, drive out there (about a 3 hour drive), and spend time with my family all weekend long on their dime. I'm very proud of my sister and have a good time, but everything we do is what she wants (naturally, since it's her weekend). I never complained, and it wasn't like she picked weird and awful things to do. Honestly, it was a pretty good time. 8/10 would recommend.
So at the end of the trip, we're all packing up and my mom asks me "So did you have a fun vacation?" Mostly joking, I reply "I don't know if I would classify this as a vacation, but yeah, it was a blast."
Mom: "What do you mean NOT A VACATION? You got to eat and spend time with us!"
Me: "Yeah. It was fun, but this trip wasn't for me. I got to see you all and party, but this was all about my sister and celebrating her graduation."
Mom: "You are so selfish! Why can't you have fun with your family! This was a huge accomplishment for your sister!"
Me: "I'm not saying it WASNT, I'm just saying this was a fun family trip. I came out here for her, not myself. To me a vacation is going somewhere fun that YOU wanted to go to and do things that YOU wanted to do. But I still had fun and I'm glad I came. I guess we just have different definitions on vacation."
Mom & Sister: "NEXT TIME WE JUST WON'T INVITE YOU SINCE YOU APPARENTLY HATE SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR FAMILY"
We've all gotten over it after a few years, but it still hangs in my mind from time to time. I just have to know, Reddit. Was I an asshole for not considering a trip I was pretty much obligated to tag along on a vacation? I swear this almost reads like an episode of Everyone Lives Raymond. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 14
} | WRONG |
SDGByqlbEpRObGkgNfUGcjufyhprLhzT | b75ant | {
"description": "constantly engaging in political arguments, much to the annoyance of the people I care about",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for constantly engaging in political arguments, much to the annoyance of the people I care about? | Posted on a throwaway. This post isn't meant to bash anyone with conservative views, or anyone that likes conspiracy theories! Sorry if it comes off that way. Thank you for understanding!
​
My family's pretty varied in terms of political views. My dad and brother are mainstream libs, My mom is an independent, and I'm an ecosocialist. My parents used to have very similar political views, but over the past several years my dad, brother and I have noticed her starting to veer right. This began with her getting really into New Age stuff, which led to conspiracy theories, and eventually, right-wing news and YouTube channels and all that. Consequently, we tend to butt heads a lot.
​
This has started to annoy my brother and SO. My brother says he's tired of our conversations devolving into hour-long debates, and my SO sees how emotional I get during these conversations and is worried about both my mental health and my relationship with my mom. There's honestly no harm done on that end. Our relationship hasn't been damaged at all, and my mom thankfully views it as something important to engage in. She says it prevents either of us from getting too extreme, "steel sharpens steel", etc. Which I'm inclined to agree with. Still, I've been trying not to bring up political topics in front of her when there's other people around. There's no reason other people should have to suffer our conversations, haha. But when she says something out of place, I feel like I just have to say something.
​
Honestly, I don't trust the sites she's on. They're all far right fringe sites. She claims she checks out sites "on both sides" to get a more objective view of things, but most of them don't fact check, and she believes them without doing any more research. It's gotten to the point that she believes in QAnon, Pizzagate, and other things like that, and it kind of scares me. She also believes in much weirder stuff- Queen of England is a lizard person, aliens built the pyramids, etc.
​
I don't even like engaging in these debates half the time, but I'm scared that if I don't make a point of rebutting her viewpoints and fact-checking these statements for her, she'll continue down that path and get even more unhinged from reality. A lot of the sources she refers to are known for being alt-right gateways, and I'm scared of her beginning to unknowingly espouse anti-semitic, islamophobic, or downright racist views- Holocaust denial level shit.
​
**TL;DR:** Is it fair to subject others to our conversations, even if it makes them uncomfortable, for the sake of trying to help my mom keep an even point of view? Is it even my place to do that? Am I over-reacting/being a dick or am I justified? Is there a better way of going about this? Everyone feels like they can't talk about politics with either of us in the room, which isn't good at all. But I'm worried about what will happen if I stop. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
P4ZZqjP8m70ziO8F86M7rUTdvGAzfx8f | b49a9t | {
"description": "emotionally manipulating my sensitive girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for emotionally manipulating my sensitive girlfriend |
I'm 15, and about 2 months ago I started my first relationship. The girl was almost 17 when we met and me, having the fucking horrendous self-esteem I've always had, never really understood what she saw in me, later to discover she had the same self-esteem problems and felt the exact same way.
Thing is, self esteem later showed to not be her only problem, and she ended up telling me very early on in our relationship about an extremely troublesome past, like 100 times worse than what you all are most likely imagining, and many abusive relationships she went through. This lead to her having bag anxiety, trouble expressing her thoughts, and terrible mood swings, but hey, I have mental problems of my own so I've never really complained.
So, a couple of weeks into our relationship, she started getting mad at me. Saying I wasn't giving her enough space, which I didn't agree with because I never demanded or insisted she spent time with me, I simply asked politely if she could come over to my place. But apparently she had trouble saying no. I didn't think it was fair she was getting mad at me for just asking, but who gives a shit, I stopped asking as much and let her do her own thing. I thought the problem, which for a week or two got us into quite a couple fights, was done, booooy was I wrong.
She started coming up with a new problem every week pretty much, and continues arguing that they are genuine concerns that she has, which I believe, but the thing is she barely ever even talks to me productively about them. She just gets all pissy and responds in 1-2 word sentences when I write her entire paragraphs about said problem, which I have tried to talk to her about over and over again with no real result.
Last night she got pissed off over some joke I made, leading to an argument about this whole short temper of hers regarding relatively small problems that really shouldn't matter. It got late, I was tired, I overreacted and said some shit I don't really mean, including that she was using me as an emotional punching bag and that she was being an abusive girlfriend and making me upset constantly. Although somewhat truthful, these claims where a huge exaggeration and I most definitely hurt her feelings by stating them. I tried explaining how I was feeling in many different ways and I still couldn't get through, so I eventually just broke and ended up guilt tripping her in a really douchy way.
Conclusion: My girlfriend has many emotional/ mental problems and a troublesome past, I overreacted during an argument and ended up guilt tripping her in a really shitty way that involved that past. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
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} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
nibLeea1YK6JnGlaGBiP5CEOnLQ2qn8W | 9up1c8 | {
"description": "secretly getting off that all the popular girls from High School are now all overweight, in jail and/or poor",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITAH for secretly getting off that all the popular girls from High School are now all overweight, in jail and/or poor? | They were mean in HS and I love seeing them suffer. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
otGn5RaSKGuxugitbNSvVSTLE4Nit3Ul | a2fdct | {
"description": "refusing to come to Christmas",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA for refusing to come to Christmas? | I love my siblings and parents. However, EVERYONE on my dads side is racist. My grandparents, now emboldened by Trump, have become very "in your face" about it with long racist rants on facebook almost every day. I used to try and unracist them, but they would just say "I have a different opinion than you, respect it". I work with a lot of minority kids, and my husband and his family are all latin american. I have never tolerated racism. My grandparents especially hate Latin Americans. Theyre the kind of people who will say "All mexicans are rapists" and when you say "um, except my husband right? Or anyone in his family right?" They just go silent. Then when they see him they act nice like they didnt imply just the other day he was a rapist??? Racism is something I really draw the line at, and I am quite bad at biting my tongue, so I tend to be that family member that starts fights at the dinner table 😓. After trying to have a serious conversation about it with my father, he said I was too sensitive, and to just ignore it. At that point I told him that I will not be coming to any gathering they go to. But! He keeps inviting them to EVERYTHING. I was excited for christmas this year, but then I saw they were going to be there. My siblings really miss me, and keep getting mad at me for not coming to family functions. WIBTA if I dont go to Christmas this year so me and my husband dont have to feel so uncomfortable? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
Lo0Jh63uTqvUoXHiTgOusqC4leorSSEB | ay5wfz | {
"description": "thinking it is wrong to hold a twerking contest for teens",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for thinking it is wrong to hold a twerking contest for teens? | I follow a page on Facebook for my hometown. Someone posted a flyer for a teen party this guy is promoting. I guess it’s supposed to by for teens 15-18 yo. On the flyer it advertises a twerking contest for the girls with cash prizes. A few people, including myself, spoke up saying this seems inappropriate. Anyone who spoke up was argued with, saying twerking isn’t sexual and it wasn’t inappropriate to hold a paid contest for teenage girls. The promoter also justified himself multiple times, insinuating that anyone who disagreed with the contest “didn’t understand our culture” and should just mind their own business. So, were we assholes for disagreeing?? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
KO9ovGxm5VahBysW5GrrmOTCfueJJWUY | a2bm1x | {
"description": "wanting my parent to compansate me for my inheritance lost",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for wanting my parent to compansate me for my inheritance lost? | Let me start by saying that me and my parents are pretty close and by no means would I ever let this get in the way of our relationship.
When I was 11 years old my great aunt died, and she left $500 for me and my siblings to inherit when we turned 12. So obviously with my 12th birthday close by I was constantly dreaming of things I could use that money for. At the time I was really into the whole “use money to make money” type mentality and was constantly making businesses and things to earn me extra cash. With my birthday nearing my Dad sat me down to have a talk about the money. He had just been offered a deal on a penny stock which was selling for $0.50 at $0.10 per share. He told me how the shares were expected to rise up to around 2000% by the time they hit the market. He said he and mum didn’t quite have the funds to make a minimum investment (I don’t remember all the details correctly and i’m not very fimilar with stocks so i’m not sure what was going on). Dad said that he needed my $500 inheritance to buy the stocks BUT he said it was completely up to me whether I chose to invest in it.
So of course me being the money driven 11yo that I was I let him invest my inheritance because I was convinced that I was going to be making a fortune. Unfortunately I did not. And the company basically went bust and we haven’t heard from them since, apparently we could still get our money back but I think it’s unlikely.
I can’t help but feel like I was taken advantage of as an 11yo. My dad had me fully convinced that I would make a fortune from this and it could be a once in a lifetime deal only to have it all wasted. Am I the asshole for having this mindset? As an 11yo I feel like I wouldn’t have known better to say no to that deal as it seemed so perfect. I am now 16 and doubt I will ever get that money.
TLDR: My Dad convinced me to waste my inheritance on penny stocks and I’m mad because I feel like I was taken advantage of | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
90aO5WgQbLC75p00CnDts8AMKrxDrHEv | ava3fs | {
"description": "not wishing luck to a girl who used to be mean",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wishing luck to a girl who used to be mean? | A girl I know who, as long as I’d know her, was loud, rude, and disrespectful towards lost everybody, was somehow nominated to be in a parade of, basically, niceness. She did a lot of community service and was nominated to represent the community, and now has to win a Miss America-like “contest” by the city.
In one of my classes, my teacher passed out papers and markers and asked us all to write down well wishes for her to win the competition. Immediately, I wasn’t interested. Everybody else started writing (most never knew her), but I just left the paper and marker there. The teacher did not question this.
I noticed the girl next to me also hadn’t moved, so we got into a conversation about how the girl treated us in the past. I made a point to continue the conversation while the teacher was near so she might understand. We never trashed her appearance or called her vague things like “a bitch”, but used words such as “inconsiderate”...you know, more clean things. The girl I was with mentioned how she spent time with her for days once and the girl made personal attacks when upset or irritated.
After, my seat mate decided to leave a vague message, and I didn’t leave one at all. Still, nothing from the teacher.
Until...
She gets in front of the class and says along the lines of “I can hear what all of you say and if I were your parent, I’d be disappointed. You should never be mean about your classmates. It is disgusting and inappropriate. You should be ashamed. You’re almost adults,” and so on. My classmate and I immediately noticed this sounded like she was referring to us. I was unfazed (I don’t feel bad) but the friend was quiet.
AWeTA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
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K1RSqtgb8EqfALKIeTo7MkkG4vLc6Gm0 | b5nkw5 | null | AITA | To prefix this story, I should mention that I have social anxiety which sometimes causes a panic attack.
I was studying at the library with my boyfriend next to me, when a girl with a pretty strong scent came to sit in front of us. I am very VERY sensitive to smell so I just put my nose against my hand trying to make it look like I was leaning on it so it wouldn't be obvious.
After a while of me leaning on my hand she slammed her phone on the table and yelled "ARE YOU HOLDING YOUR NOSE BECAUSE OF ME?" (My boyfriend had just gone to the toilet.) I tried to convince her (in a shaking voice) that I was just leaning on my hand and she said "Well ok didn't seem like it. Seemed like you just saw a non native person and held your nose." (She was dark skinned and apparently people do that to her because of it.) At this point I feel my face turning paper white and I start shaking.
My boyfriend comes from the toilet and sees that everything isn't ok and asks me what's up. I tell him that I'm having a panic attack and say that I'll tell him the reason later assuming she's done confronting me. Instead she tells me she didn't mean anything by it and says she wants to talk. My panic attack got worse and at this point I can barely open my mouth to say anything so my boyfriend steps aside with her to talk. After that she leaves and my boyfriend told me she was sorry and wanted to apologise and give me a hug. He told her it would be best to leave me alone.
I didn't mean anything by it. I need a face mask every time I leave the house because of how sensitive I am to scents and I didn't have one with me. My dad hasn't brought them from Japan yet. (Scents sometimes cause me an asthma attack if they're strong enough.) I just feel bad because I made her feel discriminated against. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Y7MxjSqTLPHxi7BodUUpeuX9w8SjtKTK | a6jfwq | {
"description": "being annoyed about people making racially charged comments about my girlfriend and I",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being annoyed about people making racially charged comments about my girlfriend and I? | I (male) am Caucasian and she is black. People keep making comments saying that I am "getting Blacked" and things. They also ask whether she likes "vanilla" and stuff like that. It has rolled off me and bit, but it is now starting to bug me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
fWRAnM62LHq1XgteY4G7vFJXIlRRgL1f | 9zeene | {
"description": "missing thanksgiving to be with friends",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for missing thanksgiving to be with friends. | Every year of my life i've celebrated thanksgiving with my family (I'm 19). This year is a little different because it's being celebrated at my aunts house, i'm not particularly fond of her because she can be loud and me being an anxious introvert I am, I find it hard to partake or enjoy conversation with her and some of the family that will be there, not that I don't love them, because that isn't the case at all.
This year my best friends older sister and her boyfriend are visiting and I havent seen them in a while and I wanna make sure I don't miss there visit. On top of that some of my friends are gonna be hanging out and they want me to tag along, I've never celebrated thanksgiving with friends before so I figured it'd be fun to switch it up for once. My family is also moving to Europe next year and I'm unsure of if I'll be going with them or not, so I want to take this chance to spend my favorite holiday with my friends before I possibly go away to another country and am unable to be around them next year. My mom thinks I'm only doing this because I only care about myself (which I dont blame her for, I can be an a-hole and I'm glad she puts up with me). She thinks I don't want to go because of me not liking my aunt, or being an anxious hermit, that isn't the case though, I wouldn't mind being around them at all and I really looked forward to eating a bunch of food at my aunts because we haven't celebrated there since I was a little kid and I know it'll bring a bunch of nostalgia and make me feel happy, I just want to show my friends that I'm grateful for them and everything they do for me, because my anxiety gets to me a lot, causing me to bail or avoid plans with them or anyone.
I'm really grateful for my group of friends because me being the very depressed person I am, its hard to keep going sometimes, but they always find a way to cheer me up or get me to keep going without trying or even knowing. I've never fit in growing up and going through school, but somehow my group of friends just formed out of no where and I always am grateful for everything they do for me because they're the kindest and chillest people I've ever met, I genuinely love all of them like a family. Which is why I want to just spend time with them and just hangout and chill like we normally do, we aren't even doing any celebration as far as i'm aware.
(Sorry for the poor quality writing, i'm just waking up as i'm dealing with my mom being mad at me and telling me to talk to her when "I want to be her son again", so im kinda stressed and my brain is frazzled) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
A8txCQTMatfBbXogoVDgDHj8nSlzTMe7 | 9y1nua | {
"description": "using my dad's depression as the theme for a college application essay",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for using my dad's depression as the theme for a college application essay? | My dad was diagnosed with depression a few years back and it hit him pretty hard. He was at the point of taking medication, on disability, and barely going through the motions of everyday life. As of now he's doing better but it's a subject our family doesn't really bring up, as we've all dealt with it in our own ways.
I'm working on college application essays right now, and we're tasked with multiple essay prompts about life and whatnot. My mom, and older siblings who are already in college have been pushing me to use my dad's depression as a theme for one of the essays. They argue that since it's affected me indirectly it's totally okay to write about it. I haven't asked my dad as it can feel like a touchy subject, and to me it can feel almost taboo.
I'm not sure how I feel as I know that I was affected, but as to the magnitude I'm still not sure since it's something I don't really try to think about anymore. I'm not sure if it's being manipulative, or if using a family member's mental sickness is wrong.
WIBTA for using his depression in a college application essay? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
DvsyW6g2OJuSrsYOGUwfrZ17KYyJF0i2 | b74t6s | {
"description": "wanting to get rid of my sisters cat",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to get rid of my sisters cat? | Throw away account since my sister is on here.
My sister begged me and my husband to take her cat when she moved into a sort of mental halfway house. We took her on the condition that she would pay for her food, vet bills and that she was healthy (not pooping and peeing outside the litter box). We live in an apartment, and paid to have her cat added to our lease. It has been about a year since she has been here, and my sister has not paid a dime for her care. Her cat is also pooping and peeing outside of her litter box, and when I've mentioned this to my sister all she says is "please don't get rid of her". She does not offer any suggestions nor offers to take the cat to the vet. I have asked her if she knows anyone who could take her, and she claims she doesn't. Our apartment smells AWFUL because of this cat, and it is really stressing me out because I know we will never get our security deposit back and we have a small child we also has to smell it. We've paid to have our carpets treated, and we've paid for flea medicine as well as having our apartment treated for fleas. My sister has not offered to help with any of the cost. Would IBTA if I gave my sister an ultimatum that she either finds somewhere else for her cat to live, or we will take her cat to the no-kill shelter near us? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Ay3gtIYntg9unPVzZyef6Yx8eYlS0bXJ | auhxqt | {
"description": "telling my mom she spent too much on me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA if I tell my mom she spent too much on me? | I’m going through a little bit of a tough spot in my life. My car got repossessed after I lost my job and I’m barely going to start working again soon. I’ve been without much income for the past month and a half. The other day I asked my mom if I could wash some clothes at her house and she said yes, which is cool because I have an interview for a job today. Well Friday I was supposed to go and wash and before she picks me up she called and said she would just give me some cash to go wash and that she’s buying me an outfit for my interview which I really appreciate. When she brought me the money and clothes I immediately saw the Macy’s bag and knew what she did. She bought me a 60$ pair of jeans and a 65$ shirt. I’ll say it again, I appreciate the clothes more than she knows but 125$ for two items is crazy especially when she knows my current situation. That money could have got me a lot of bus rides or food for a month or many other things I needed. I would have been grateful for a 10$ Walmart shirt and 10$ Walmart jeans. And I’m grateful for the nice clothes. But am I the asshole for thinking I should have told her to return it and buy cheaper clothes and let me use that cash for other necessities? I kept my mouth shut but I just wanna know what y’all think
Tl;dr
Mom bought me a $120 outfit when I’m financially struggling and could have made better use of the cash if that’s what she was wanting to spend. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
M7jQihNBcidVbdXw8tuUdX9KFccynm64 | b5hirx | {
"description": "dropping the \"we're not having kids, now stop bringing it up\" bomb on my mil",
"pronormative_score": 189,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for dropping the "We're Not Having Kids, Now Stop Bringing It Up" bomb on my MIL? | My husband and I don't want kids. My MIL is big into family in the traditional sense. She has been pushy with us about having kids since we got married. Literally the week after we got engaged, she started asking.
My husband has always changed the subject, and has even told her that it's really none of her business. Every time we see her, she asks. Everything we do is built around the idea of use having kids. 3 years into our marriage, my husband said "We might not even have kids" and MIL would *not*hear it. At year 4, husband had a vasectomy and I had a tubal.
So this weekend we were all at their home enjoying some BBQ and drinks and everything. When I get up to grab a beer, my MIL asks me if maybe I should drink water instead, because wink wink nudge nudge, you never know.
I was annoyed by this and said "There's really no chance."
MIL, all wide-grin, said, "Oh come on! It's time for you two to finally get serious! Put down the beer and tell us when we can finally expect you two to finally make your family official!"
I said "We've been official for about 5 years now, MIL," and drink the beer. Husband laughs with me.
MIL gets more annoyed and says "Well, you won't be REAL (Lastnames) until you bless us with babies!"
Husband said, "Mom, enough." MIL pushed again. Husband repeated.
After about fifteen minutes of the usual comments, I finally snapped and said "MIL, Husband got snipped. I had my tubes tied. We're not having kids. You need to stop bringing it up. Period."
Well, I thought I started WWIII. She started crying and stormed off. Family looked at us with disgust and stormed off to comfort her. We left. Party kinda ended. The social media bullshit started shortly after. Vague posts, links about how motherhood is a woman's greatest calling, listicles about how unhappy childless women are, etc. Some meme about how "I guess I wasn't a good enough mother and won't be graduating to grandmother." It's obnoxious to the point that I just muted all of them.
My MIL finally called me this morning and told me that she was willing to put this all behind us if Husband and I came over and listened to her reasons that we really "need" to have kids. I told her no, that we are tired of her pushing this on us, and then she said "Well then, I guess you two aren't prepared to be REAL (Lastname)s. I'd like a refund for what we paid for the wedding." (It wasn't that much. It was like $400 for the rehearsal dinner.)
I hung up on her. When recounting this to my friends, a few of them said that I was the asshole here for dropping it like that. But I don't think she was ever going to drop it if I didn't finally make a serious, direct comment about it. So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 189,
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} | RIGHT |
joLca3W1LtepX73nJ4SAHVR7ItM5f63u | acf439 | null | WIBTA if I don't want to hang out with my husband's cousins, her dog bit me. Dog will not be there. | My husbands cousins are coming in from another state in a few months. I don't really want to hang out with them. They are great people so it's not like their personality bothers me but when we were staying at their house a few months ago, their 80lb dog bit me in the face while I tried to give it a treat. There is a nasty scar on my face. I didn't want to make a big deal of it so we told the whole family the dog scratched me. And also did not file a insurance claim because well, family. I need to get laser done for the scar and thats a ton of money I'll have to spend for something that I shouldn't have to. Seeing them and pretending everything is fine when its not will make me so angry/depressed.
Before anyone ask, what happened was I went to put a treat down for the dog and was getting up when it jumped and bit me in the cheek. Am I an idiot for giving it a treat without the owners around? Yes I am. But then I find out from their mother that the dog has a tendency to snap at people feeding it. Might have been good to know since we were staying at their house for a week if the dog wasn't friendly!
I haven't told my husband this, and I'm not sure if it's fair to him to carry this around.
Most likely if we end up going on a roadtrip like my husband planned I will go too. And as two faced as it may sound, I'll be nice and bottle up my emotions | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
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} | RIGHT |
qcVV8VsIaAj6B9DGwXWWhhAvQ61I01uF | a6ot4k | {
"description": "asking someone on Discord to source their claims",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for asking someone on Discord to source their claims? | So I'm a part of a Discord server with a friend of mine, and some mutual friends of his. The server was made, originally, to discuss an idea for a video game we wanted to collaborate on (and, naturally, the majority of the conversation is just swapping memes back and forth.)
Now, one of my Discord friends-by-association lives in South Africa. Every now and then he'll talk about the political and economic troubles in his country. Most recently, he posted two Youtube videos explaining why South Africa is "a failed state." I did some Googling and found the channel he got the videos from leans into alt-right stuff and other conspiracy theories. I informed him as such, and asked him if he had any better sources for the stuff the videos were claiming. This lead to a long discussion of my showing what I found, showing the Youtube channel wasn't a trustworthy source, him talking about how farm killings are being committed by paramilitary professionals, and me trying to explain why sourcing your information was important.
Now I'm not South African, so I don't have a frame of reference. I'm mainly just trying to figure out if this guy just used videos from a bad channel but there's a *lot* more bad shit going on in South Africa than I knew, or if this guy is just into some conspiracy theories. Am I the asshole for not fully believing him and wanting credible sources, even though he actually lives in South Africa? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
t1YbiGRCzPr3zWqbwvbM4pOjMWRwAWRh | asv1e8 | {
"description": "stealing my roommate's Talenti Gelato",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for stealing my roommate’s Talenti Gelato? | Okay, I’m going through some emotional ups and downs an nothing soothes my mind more than a nice bowl of ice cream!
The only issue is I’m out of my own ice cream. So, being that it was after 10:00 and all the stores near me were closed, I come up with a plan. The plan is to steal my already asleep roommates ice cream and replace it tomorrow evening. I did just that and I have to admit that I felt so much guilt that the ice cream hadn’t even tasted as good, but it was still pretty ducking good. I come home and put the ice cream next to the it’s half empty predecessor. It’s all fine, we joke about it and continue on.
Fast Forward to just 30mins ago, my roommate finishes the ice cream. He keeps talking about how good it is and how terrible I am for stealing their ice cream. The more he joked the more he meant it. He eventually grabs the little bit of stolen original ice cream that is now mine, and tells me he’s gonna eat it. I think he’s joking and I playfully tackle him and take the ice cream from his evil hands. He is now visibly upset. I put it in the freezer where it’s safe and waiting for me to eat it, me! He goes back in the freezer takes the ice cream from its frozen place of solace and looks dead in my eye.
He says “ this was originally mine. It is still mine, and I will eat it.”
I ask him if he’s serious and he was indeed. He wouldn’t even mention the fact that I went to the store bought him a brand new one and I even shared my cookies with him! I got the ice cream back, but now he sits in his room talking shit about me on the phone. This really hurts my feelings but, I guess I can empathize with his point of view. Tell me Reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
bXOfEevtuP42sVhPLEizd26c4CllMvMr | ab0srl | {
"description": "pretending to be russian to call some judgmental rich ladies out on their rude stereotypes",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for pretending to be Russian to call some judgmental rich ladies out on their rude stereotypes? | (Weird title I know)
I was waiting in the line for a bathroom at an orchestral concert, and women's bathroom lines are always long as fuck so I was there for quite some time. I have a habit of quietly singing under my breath when I'm bored, which is pretty important to the story. Behind me were two older women, 50-60 ish, who were doing the typical older lady thing of being judgmental as fuck.
Such highlights including:
- pointing out someone's highlights and saying how she looked like a skunk
- saying someone's shirt looked like a huge stain
- looking at my shoes and calling them dreadful
You get the gist. We were in the queue for about 15 minutes (the whole intermission) and when we were t the front of the queue a smaller lady dashed in to quickly wash her hands. The women behind me noticed this and were quick to start on the 'we were waiting longer and first' etc etc, which is fine- they misunderstood her intentions.
Then one of them turned to the other and said 'I bet she's Russian, all Russians are terribly rude.' Her friend nodded along and recalled her time in Russia when the first lady finished with, 'Any Eastern European really, rude and dirty.'
Although I speak very little Russian, I am not Russian in the slightest. Nor am I Eastern European in anyway, but to hear someone stereotype like that really got me, so I decided to drop the hammer as such. I pulled up my emergency screenshot of my dad's phonescreen to make it look like I was actually in a call and began to loudly speak the little Russian I know and formed it into what sounded like a conversation ('Hello', 'Good, Thank you.', 'And you?', 'Yes, No', 'Goodbye') or at least something a non-native speaker wouldn't cringe at. After my quick 1 minute phonecall, I hung up and then helped another different old lady with something and spoke to their in English so that they would know that I had understood them. One of them ended up needing to use something before me so I used the Russian form of 'after you' to address her. They were both quite embarrassed and now I feel quite bad.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
gZ33cPxYvl8kOlwVOmKAvpb7r777A3ai | ads23f | {
"description": "being jealous of my cousin",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being jealous of my cousin? | My cousin wasted his life on drugs and booze, barely graduated HS, never went to college, never did much of anything beyond high school. His parents divorced when he was young, but neither died, and he is middle-class. I worked my ass off straight through HS, graduated in the 97th percentile, got a half-full-ride, took out some loans, now I'm working my ass off in college and I'll hopefully be graduating eventually. My and my sister's mother died when we were young, and we were raised middle-class by a single father. My cousin recently had a baby with his GF, they have zero financial resources to raise this kid, yet the family lavishes praise on him, and I can't remember the last time my family even half-thanked me for what I've done. If anything, they point out my flaws wherever they see them. They've accused me of being gay (I'm not, but they'd see that as a problem), of being a disappointment to my father, of being lazy of all things, etc. Look, I'm not angry at the baby, of course. It just sucks when I spend my nights bent over a computer screen working, foregoing parties, alcohol, whatever else, getting about 5 hours sleep per night, holding down grades, current job, clubs, the job search, student debt, etc. only to see it apparently go unappreciated while he's showered with praise. I feel like I'm the bad guy in that Bible story, the prodigal son. So, Reddit, AITA for being jealous of my cousin? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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} | RIGHT |
1yjcypypHuyOW5RbuANDHVAPJU0eVJnO | b71zzo | {
"description": "asking a sibling not to discuss my medical issues with others",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking a sibling not to discuss my medical issues with others? | I'm waiting for an official diagnosis from a specialist, but it is strongly looking like I have a something called Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (EDS.) **EDS is genetic**, and frankly this is where my problem is.
I have siblings, and the one sister I am very close to (G,) has some similar symptoms. So, I've been talking with G about the medical concerns. My spouse and I have only told my medical stuff to my parents, his parents, my best friend/her spouse, G/her spouse, and my husbands boss. Basically, we only told people who are a part of our emergency childcare plan as my symptoms can flare up unexpectedly, can take significant time to recover from, and my spouses career sometimes has him away from home for extended periods of time.
Unfortunately G has a history of taking my personal information, and telling others, under the guise of being 'well meaning.' Since *I do not have a 100% confirmed diagnosis*, I said I was not telling our oldest sister, C, and I asked G **specifically by name** not to talked to her about it either. I stated my reasons not to tell C yet is because she lives nearly 3000 km/2000 mi away, does not have any family nearby for support (as she's in a different country,) and our healthcare systems are different – I do not want to jeopardize her healthcare on the off chance that my health concerns are an acute issue just limited to me.
Sure enough, G told C. And, she told her incorrect information on top of it. G stated that EDS is just like Fibromyalgia (it's not,) had C and her spouse run through a physical test (the Beighton Score,) that my diagnosis was absolute and set-in-stone (again, nope,) and I am officially disabled for life (which is something that can only be speculated once I have the diagnosis in hand.) I completely understand that G is concerned, may have questions, or may be frustrated that it's 'another thing to add to her busy life.' BUT I ensured that she could talk to her spouse or our parents if she didn't want to discuss this stuff with me.
I approached G after taking a night to calm down, and reinstated that I do not want her to share my health concerns with anyone. I said if she wants to talk to people about her health, she is welcome to, but please do not talk about mine. While when I confronted G, she claimed she 'only mentioned I had back issues,' which C already debunked. I told her that while I understand that she is likely very worried herself, that she really betrayed my trust, even after I pointed out to her her history of sharing news that isn't hers, and plainly asking her to not mention this at all with C. I said that she knew she had other people she could've talked to (our parents, her spouse,) and she directly went against my wishes. In response, she said again 'it isn't a big deal, I apologize but I was worried, and if you feel that way, don't talk to me again.' She called me an asshole, and ultimately blocked me.
So, AITA here? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
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5nMVjql55cIlqS2yF45KoO3jflbllYit | azmngr | {
"description": "calling a \"friend\" out on her bullshit",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if i called a "friend" out on her bullshit? | i have this "friend" (quotes because the friendship is one sided) who i cannot stand after she has repeatedly been rude to me and my friends. i'll list some acts she did for context:
​
\- made fun of me about my grades
\- made fun of my friend after she failed a class
\- when she gets a role with a lot of stage time (yes we are theater kids) BUT its not the exact one she wanted she throws a hissy fit EVEN THOUGH there are people that don't even have lines
\- she is the daughter of the chief of police in town, and she thinks she is entitled to everything she wants in this aspect
\- puts down her mother constantly
\- very, very fake with people
\- says she hates shit talking others, but does it herself because it's "just tea"
\- beat up some girl for accidentally hitting her backpack
\- tried to isolate my friend from her best friend while they were dating
\- dated her friends abusive ex
\- literally thought her elementary school started an anti bulying campaign ... because of her. yeah she really did say that
​
there are so much more but i've already written MORE than enough
​
WIBTA if i talked to her about this or if i cut her off completely? she is the one source of negativity in my life right now and it's grating pretending to be friendly with her, but i also don't want to hurt her feelings or have a bad reputation with her family? does she sound like an b\*tch to you or do these reasons sound biased and i should give her a second chance? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
SoCIh0qsCzenRSwqvYXiLIEuFDHkjj4Q | b5x80y | {
"description": "refusing to go to my mentor's funeral",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing to go to my mentor's funeral? | Backstory: From the age 6-18 I was a student at dance studio. My mentor (now referred to as DT) took over my training when I started with the competitive teams from 11-18 years old, she also bought the studio when I was about 11. I was going through a really traumatic point in my life and was severely bullied by my teammates which lead to a deep depression and developing an eating disorder. The bullying from my team continued in plain sight to the point more than 1 other teacher spoke to me about it but it never got any better. DT would have to be blind not miss it since these girls would make nasty remarks about my body in front of her when we tried on costumes, tell me I was never good enough to be on the team, mock me at every chance they could and were just monsters towards me. I finally broke down at 17 and had a meeting with DT about all the years of abuse and torment these girls had put me through to which she said she had no idea. She then brushed it under the rug and never addressed it again resulting in me only competing in solos that year and being pulled from all of the competitive teams. Not only did this ostracize me but it made the bullying worse. As company owner and head choreographer DT also pulled me from all solos I would have gotten for the final ballet I ever did with this company. I was so defeated and broken by the end of it all that I left and refused to ever again set foot near the place that cause me years of torment.
I removed everyone aside from a small number of people who were a part of that studio from my life and went on to recover from my ED and put my life back together. A few months ago I got a call from one of my former teammates that my DT had passed away after battling cancer and that her memorial would take place a month later. My mom had been on the board for this studio as the Treasurer so she knew DT and most of what I went through there. She kept asking me in the week leading up to my DT's funeral if I would go and I kept saying no. I didn't feel comfortable being surrounded by the people that made my life hell to celebrate the life of the woman who not only watched as it happened but never made any attempts to stop it. The day of the funeral my mom calls me to again ask if I would come with her and I say no. She proceeds to tell me how selfish I'm being, how much my DT had done for the community and all the people’s lives she enriched and that I owe it to my DT to be there. When I wouldn't budget she changed tactics by saying that I should go because my DT had been such a huge part of my life, that I was being cruel for not wanting to show my love and support for DT's mother and how unchristianly I was being (note: I am not religious but my parents are). In the end I called my dad and cried about how horrible my mom had made me feel and he agreed with me deciding not to go.
So AITA for refusing to attend my DT's funeral? | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 7,
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12ZInxZvC8k92UYvesa6RhN7iedFrgJW | as7n8q | {
"description": "wanting my drink filled up all the way",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting my drink filled up all the way? | This just happened last night and I’m still feeling confused by the situation. I got off work late last nights and decided to head to Taco Bell for some late night munchies. I order my usual and get a large Baja Blast, because what else would anyone get at Taco Bell. Now I usually order my drinks with light ice, because otherwise they’ll fill over half the cup with it and my drink will get watered down way too quickly, not even to mention the fact that there’s much less drink at that point.
So I pull up to the window and I see my cup is already filled up over halfway with ice. I’m annoyed, but decide to leave it this time. I hand him my card, and he hands me the drink only 3/4 of the way full! I kind of look at him and just ask if I can get that filled up the rest of the way. He kind of glared at me and scoffs, before taking my drink and filling it to the brim. He then hands me the drink and my food and then closes the window. I just drove off at that point and enjoyed my food but it just left a bad taste in my mouth, so AITA for just wanting my drink to be filled to the top? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
qc7rCaRIQ0BlihlVDLm6x8gfq9VJLSW4 | aed5r2 | {
"description": "banning my ex from my Spotify account",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA if I ban my ex from my Spotify account? | (Tl;dr at the bottom)
I have a Spotify premium account, and when we started dating, she asked if I would let her share it with me, and of course I said yes, gave her the log in info and whatnot. That was a year ago. We broke up three months ago and she’s still using it. When she asked initially if she could continue doing so after the breakup I said yes at first, simply out of guilt, but now, it’s starting to seriously piss me off because we did NOT end things on a good note, we are certainly not friends anymore, and thus to me there is no reason I should be letting her mooch off of my paid account. I can’t listen to music on there half the damn time now without getting a message “You are playing music from (ex’s) phone”, because as anyone who has ever used Spotify knows, multiple people can’t be listening at the same time.
Tl;dr: My ex, who now has zero contact with me in any other way, is using my Spotify account for free because I let her use it when we were dating.
WIBTA if I cut her off? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
GdwHPBEsr4eEGRy8CYjjOXQiXZWaVnpW | a7zmnf | {
"description": "asking my so to work in his summer break",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA (f 20) for asking my SO (m 21) to work in his summer break? | Hi, sorry for formatting, I'm on mobile, but I'll do my best! Also, south hemisphere, so I'm in summer and school year has just ended.
Some very necesary backstory. I am 20 and have a beautiful 4 month old daughter. It was an unplanned pregnancy, but she's amazing and I regret nothing. I live with my parents and my 3 younger siblings, they all have been amazing, and have made sure LO and I have everything we need. My parents paid for everything, all the doctors appointments, the birth (wich is not cheap), everything. My SO studies law, and struggled a lot finishing his semester, but he passed everything and I'm so happy and proud of him.
The thing is, he hasn't put a single penny for our daughter. We don't need the money, my parents have us covered and have made sure that I never get need anything, but still. I feel like he hasn't made any effort to prove that he's up to this, like to show he's serious. He worked for a friend for a couple of months, and made some money, but got into a pointless fight, and lost the job, and then spent the money on a ps4. He said he would sell it when LO was born, but he didn't, and has spent even more money on games.
To be fair, he has bought diapers twice, but that's kinda it.
Also relevant to this story, we talked about living together a couple of times, but he barely makes it on his own, and two extra people to feed would be a lot, besides the fact that babies are crazy expensive, and he really did not have the cash, and I haven't finished my studies either. It was just simply not gonna work out, so I backed up and that led to a huge fight.
He had the chance to study a class during summer, but he declined, cause he'd rather chill and relax. I have a horrible time telling people when I have a problem with them, I'm always scared they would leave me or something like that, so when I talked to him about this, I was terrified and was very careful, told him I love him and I think he's a great dad, but that I feel like... y know... he should use his summer in something, so he could get some money for our LO. He freaked out. Like guys, next level. He began saying that I'm only interested in his money, that I was basically calling him lazy and useless and a bad father. He said that I was completly out of place, but that if I needed his money so badly, he'd give it to me. I insisted on that it wasn't about the money, it was about commitment and doing a gesture of supporting our daughter. He continued to rant about all of us being interested and completly money based, that we only see family as a small company, that I only cared about him for the money he'd produce. I tried everything to get him to understand that it was not about the cash, but it was useless.
I've tried talking to him, but he's just mean, if I tell him I love him he laughs at me. Cancelled our weekend visit (we were gonna go and spend the weekend at his place) saying he is too busy trying to find a job.
So now I'm wondering, was I really overstepping? I didn't mean to make him feel bad, and I feel terribly guilty for doing so.
So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
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"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
vQZdiCpG9JPAG80qNlhIzzOOplVmKLCO | asms4w | {
"description": "arguying with my mother about my anxiety",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for arguying with my mother about my anxiety? | Hello, I am a 17 y.o. female and I currently live with my parents and study a high school. I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks and I have difficulty leaving home as it's the only place I feel safe at. Last semester I had a really bad absence at school due to having chronic UTI and other illnesses. Additionally to that, I sometimes stay home because of the overhelming anxiety. I try to cope with it without using strong meds like Xanax. My mother calls me a lazy brat that abuses her illness to stay home becausr I'm too lazy to go to school. Last semester I had one of the best grades in my class and I study as best as I can. Anytime I want to stay home because I'm about to have a breakdown, she calls me many bad names and complains about how big of a nuissance I am.
AITA for being hurt by this? Should I be stronger and try to fight through my anxiety? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
Z2p8C2R2bXS5zKWMpXbTnwz5FE369vTA | afm4ug | {
"description": "taking my SO's joke to seriously",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for taking my SO’s joke to seriously | Last night my SO and I went out to have a date. They doesn’t like going on dates since they don’t have a job right now and I do. I don’t mind paying cause it’s for the person I love and since I’m still in school living at home I always have extra money to spend.
We went out for dinner and everything was going great as always. That was until we started talking about how to raise our kids (we’re not serious about it yet but it’s a fun or cute scenario). Until they said, I think seriously but I’m not sure, that they’re all going to therapy.
For context super quick I suffer from hardcore depression and anxiety. I’m naturally already a sensitive person but without my meds I’m twice as sensitive and twice as emotional. While we were in this date I was having specially made meds for me so I was off them for a week or so.
Anyway, I got confused and asked what they meant. They laughed and told me they didn’t want to finish the joke but I just laughed and said “Come on finish it.” They said laughed and said “Because one depressed Twilipig is enough for me to handle.”
I won’t lie, that stung a little. I can be a handful and I’m aware. I don’t have many friends and every time I try to make friends they either reject me or drop me fast. That was towards the end of dinner so we just paid the cheque and left. When I’m upset I need time to process and thing of the proper words to say, my SO knows this. The drive home was very quiet.
He dropped me off and left and texted me asking if I was okay. I didn’t respond cause I was still upset and still needed time to think of what to say. They called a few minutes later and I picked up.
“Hey, what’s wrong?”
“I won’t lie SO, the therapy remark kind of hurt my feelings. You know how I feel about that kind of talk.”
“Oh my god babe it was a joke!”
“I know but it still really hurt my feelings.”
“Oh my god I can’t make any jokes with you it’s so annoying.”
“That is so not true, you just know I don’t like mental health jokes.”
“Yeah right whatever. I’m tired about you being so sensitive about it. It’s not even that big of a deal, people have it-“
I hung up on them in tears. They had always been supportive but to hear they found my mental illness annoying really hurt. We haven’t talked since then. I know I probably should have handled things better but I got caught up in the moment. Am I the asshole that should apologize? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
V93L5eLI9zZC7k9qxyIwD1FvU0yncISk | 9wu9r2 | {
"description": "giving my Ex an Honest Tenant Recommendation",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA If I Give My Ex An Honest Tenant Recommendation? | Backstory here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/9v4byn/wibta\_if\_i\_change\_the\_locks\_without\_telling\_my\_ex/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/9v4byn/wibta_if_i_change_the_locks_without_telling_my_ex/)
TLDR: Broke up with my girlfriend over three weeks ago. Offered to let her stay with me until she gets her shit together for reasons detailed in the above post.
​
She's looking into moving back to where her son's father is, which I think is a good move. She looked at some places last week and listed me as a reference. Here's the honest truth:
* She has never contributed to rent or other bills (gas, electric, cable, internet, Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime) in the year+ that she has lived here, despite me regularly bringing it up (I waited for her job situation to stabilize but it never did).
* In the eight months I lived with her before we moved here, I had to pay to have her internet restored twice and paid for her last two months of rent because she couldn't afford it.
* When I lived at her place, she trashed it. She refused to take the trash to the dump and when I finally took it, there were 21 bags of trash that she just stored outside of her place.
* Her mom had to fly in from out of state to help her clean up her place when she moved here and was appalled at how much of a mess it was. If it wasn't for her mom, she probably never would have cleaned the place.
* She regularly smoked cigarettes and weed in her place.
* She does not have a job where she is planning to move. She has left, been laid off from, or been fired from a total of nine jobs in the less than two years that we've been together.
* She refuses to hold a full-time job, arguing that she likes to have her free time during the day (she's very immature).
The guy has called me twice asking for a referral. If this was a property management company it'd be one thing but it's a guy renting his place who stands to lose money to her immaturity. I originally decided to ignore the calls because I didn't want to lie to the guy when I know how bad of a tenant she is but with her behavior since we broke up, I kind of want to reach out to the guy and let him know the truth. Am I being petty? She's out of here either way. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ivGOxf7jeRTblfZBrjK7kvgJa0wSmpxI | a8i951 | {
"description": "telling parents of a dead daughter that it was gods plan",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 78
} | AITA For telling parents of a dead daughter that it was gods plan? | A little backstory first. And a throwaway for obvious reasons
I had a brother in the Army that was discharged for some medical reasons.
When home he was angry all the time and distant. A few months after he came home I found him dead in his room from hanging himself.
At his funeral one of my mothers friends came up to me and told me “Don’t worry it was in Gods plan for your brother.”
I’m an atheist and her friends know it and send me things all the time about church and to save my soul and the fact they said god decided to give him depression and make him kill himself lit me on fire. I yelled at them and told them to leave.
A couple of years later a few months ago, their daughter dies in a car crash and our family was invited to the funeral.
So I go up to them and say, “Don’t worry it was Gods plan.”
They didn’t say anything and I left. But I feel sorta guilty a few months later and just wanted to have other people’s opinions.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 46,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 32,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 78
} | WRONG |
6Agi8ITTORvLwYvtJrqkgxZIotMEuH7p | b2df72 | {
"description": "rekindling a old friendship with a girl while on a current break from relationship",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for rekindling a old friendship with a girl while on a current break from relationship? | Recently my GF of 3 1/2 years broke off our relationship and basically declared each other single ( December 2018). Over the few months we discussed about working it out, taking it slow , so on and so on. We never said we was back together despite still sleeping together, As well as i live in her house til i got my own ( which is in two weeks now). Mind you, i was totally against the whole break up and taking it slow crap, but she was pretty gungho on it and preached about what good it can do to really show us if we truly want to be together ( which i do)
​
Fast forward to Yesterday, My best friend from work wanted to go out, so we did. We ended up running into this girl i used to work with a few years ago. Back then my GF (or ex) was totally against us talking, being friends because she thought she liked me and what not. So for her wishes i blocked her off social media ect and haven't talked since ( I did unblock her after a drunk night not to long ago and just said hi but i dont count that). So the convo spark up and it's honestly great, we talked about work, old times, and yes she did admit at our old jobs, she thought i was pretty cute. She also talked about how she knew my GF hated her, we discussed the whole blocking and unblocking of social media. I won't make excuses the talk turn a bit flirty ( she was basically just wearing a bra in the club), commented on that, told her she quite beautiful and so on. After a good 20 minutes time to close, So walking out i asked her how can i make amend to her because it's been wonderful seeing her. She said a good start would be to readd her on social media, boom no problem i did it. We been messaging back and fort today, suppose to meet up but she feeling a bit sick.
​
So i'm not sure if i'm the asshole here by reopening a old friendship that's wasn't approve of before when i was in a relationship, I personally believe i shouldn't have to disclose every single thing to my Ex(?), especially if it just friends. I know without a doubt, She'll be UPSET (understatement) when/if she find out about us running into each other and talking ect. Cause obviously there still feelings involve, there chances it could work out between us or it couldn't. I wasn't really looking for nothing that night i considered it just running into a old friend. I'm debating if i even want to tell my ex(?) what happened. What if she see a messages from her and think i was trying hide it, surely that'll be even worst. End of the day i probably would prefer not to disclose it
​
​ | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
iAZLD1jWd0Y4cIWAdWjFhX7YJ8aO2hZr | 9xjyrr | {
"description": "asking my friend for all my money back",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I asked my friend for ALL my money back? | I have a friend who I've loaned money multiple times, and he always pays back within the week. Nothing major, under a few hundred once. Usually only $50 or something.
Anyway, he'll seem to pay me back in chunks, but lately he's been shorting me by stupid small amounts like $5. (example: I'll loan him $100, he'll pay me back $45 then $50 a few days later)
I haven't said anything yet, because I don't want to feel like an asshole when it's only a few bucks among friends (literally the price of a beer on a night out, who cares right?). But I also feel I should be paid back 100%? I'm certainly not going to let it affect our friendship, but should I ask for my extra $5 back?? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
GXwe0ZdDMij5C79WNl8nZoWhXblZ3AtN | al310i | {
"description": "teaching my female housemate a lesson that was moreso embarrassing to me",
"pronormative_score": 36,
"contranormative_score": 36
} | AITA for teaching my female housemate a lesson that was moreso embarrassing to me? | I have five housemates, 2 male and 3 female. I'm male. We are all between 19 and 22 and go to college together but don't really know each other too well.
Anyways I have a female roommate that has a horrible habit of NEVER knocking and assuming people will always lock doors. She opened the bathroom one time while I was showering and yelled at me for not locking the door and then asked to brush her teeth. Another time she opened my fucking bedroom door to ask me a question which is a huge invasion. I regularly see her try to open locked bathroom doors when someone is clearly showering.
Anyways today I got out of the shower and heard her bedroom door slam, which meant she was coming to the bathroom and definitely wasn't knocking. Anyways I actually forgot to lock the door and thought on the spot "I bet if I stand here nude when she opens the door she'll NEVER not knock again." Anyways I just remained standing naked and she opens the door, her jaw drops and she slams the door.
After I got out I saw she was waiting in the hallway. She says "You didn't lock the fucking door. I literally saw your penis dude, not cool." And I said "maybe you should start knocking," and she says "how about you lock the door? You made no effort to cover your penis when I opened the door. You're lucky I'm not reporting you for sexual harassment."
Am I really the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 36,
"EVERYBODY": 27,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 36,
"WRONG": 36
} | RIGHT |
ESlKNek1i6LLgUyMq9WTGZJLFNuUkWBD | am25n3 | {
"description": "skipping a family trip with my bf and his parents and sister",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for skipping a family trip with my bf (28) and his parents and sister? | I'm staying at their beach house for a week, but I'm so tired of their shitty behavior towards me! They clearly dislike me and treat me like I didn't exist. They ignore me and talk to my bf as if I wasn't there. I'm tired of it. I feel like I've had enough and I'm just going to skip these trips from now on. It's torture. Am I the asshole? Should I just suck it up and go ? It feels bad not going, staying alone at the house tbh, but I'm really tired of them. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
cvl9J0x3vE6SwEmRArCrnNUjt69wm9Oq | 9zcbo2 | {
"description": "getting really pissed at a friend over money",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting really pissed at a friend over money? | I have a (formerly) close good friend that I have loaned a lot of money to, thousands of dollars in the past six months. They were down on their luck and needed some help getting bills in order so I started helping him out. When I first started sending it to him, he would say "I'll go pick it up and then I will call you" or "Thank you, I'll give you a call later tonight" and never did. In fact, he would pick it up and then I wouldn't hear from him for days. A few times, he would say that he needed it for an opportunity to turn a profit and I would get it back the same night, again, not hearing from him for days afterwards, or make other promises to me that he didn't keep. I started to get upset about him not ever doing these things and started to feel like he was taking advantage of me and not being honest about what the money was for, so I started making accusations. This would make him angry and say that I don't trust him, he's tired of explaining himself, and I'm trying to control him by telling him what to do. I tried to explain that it's not about telling him what to do, it's about doing a favor for me when I do favors for him. Or, that it's only respectful to let someone know they won't be getting their money back if you say you will and it falls through. Well, this eventually escalated until last week when I gave him $500 for a new apartment, he said he would video chat with me that night so I could see it, and he swore it was the last time. Then, I didn't hear from him for two days, (with him saying an additional two more times "I will call you") when he needed money again to help his daughter. When I got mad about it not being the last time, he accused me of trying to put myself over his kids and we got in an argument, where he said some mean things to me but promised I would get it back the next day. I got really pissed, but sent him the money anyway, telling him he needed to make it up to me because that wasn't right. I gave him until 6 pm, then texted him pissed off that he didn't get it back and didn't tell me. I was just heading in to work so when he called me, I couldn't answer. He accused me of never giving him a chance and that he had done nothing wrong. I was so angry that I started sending him texts telling him exactly how I felt, to which he replied to stop my drama, grow up, stop blowing up his phone, or he would never talk to me again. I did keep texting and he stopped responding. I then found out the next day that he has blocked my phone number and blocked me on facebook messenger. Am I the asshole for wanting to feel appreciated or am I being controlling? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
FgWdjTQ2H66CTWrcDxzuqIBCRHB2co4F | anodbb | {
"description": "getting an abortion without telling my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 54
} | AITA for getting an abortion without telling my boyfriend? | First of all, no, this is not a friends with benefits or hook-up situation. I have been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend for two years, and we recently moved in together. We’ve always been pro-choice but have agreed that if I ever got pregnant, we’d keep it.
I guess some things are easier said than done because when I found out I was pregnant a month ago, I immediately knew I wanted an abortion. I scheduled one for the next day and just got it over with without telling my boyfriend. I didn’t feel like dealing with telling him because I knew he’d be upset and try to make me keep the baby. It’s not a good time for us to have a baby, as we are both in college and would most likely both have to drop out. I also know that if he’d known, he would have felt extremely guilty about it (he had a very religious upbringing). Anyway, I don’t think he should have any say in the matter because it’s not him who’d have to carry and give birth to the baby. All he did was donate the sperm.
I planned on just not telling him and putting this behind us, but unfortunately he saw some texts from my sister about it. He freaked out at me, yelling about how I murdered our baby and didn’t tell him (all the stuff about murder surprised me, but he did have a very religious upbringing). I calmly told him that this was my decision and I had no obligation to tell him. He said he had father’s rights and again said I was a murderer before storming out. He’s been staying with his brother for the past two days, and we haven’t communicated since then except when he asked when I’d be at work so he could pick up his stuff.
I know reading this post probably makes me sound extremely cold, but I do love my boyfriend. I just think what I did and keeping it from was ultimately in both of our best interest. This clearly was not the right time to have a baby, and I didn’t want to make him carry the burden of knowing I’d had an abortion. We are both 22 if that matters. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 41,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 13,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 54
} | WRONG |
vOXY5VctlSeOe0FQCnqM12RjLutNm2JX | b9d0sp | {
"description": "prefering girls with similar relationship experience as me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for prefering girls with similar relationship experience as me(21M)? | I dont really have much experience, dated a couple of girls in school that I dont really count because it was like two weeks each, and 1 girlfriend a year ago for 5 months which was my first in a lot of things, and when I imagine future serious relationships I want us both to share the excitement of doing something for the first time like traveling,camping, and generally growing as a person.
I realize I need to be realistic, and there are some things I cant expect many people in my age to not experience yet so I am willing to compromise but still I want a partner who will generally be as experienced as I am.
Now I want to make a few things clear, I am not talking about only experience in sex, yes I am a virgin but I dont particularly care about virginity and "being her first" so please dont put me in the same category as the incels who value women only by the amount of sex they had, thank you. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4x0RovapjIa6KNbzqcr5krmSLAGna4H1 | b60fx3 | {
"description": "cutting contact with my mother",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for cutting contact with my mother? | Background: I am 15 years old. I am professionally diagnosed with Asperger's, Depression, and Anxiety. My mother and father are divorced, and live in separate states.
I recently made the decision to cut contact with my mother. I moved in with my father a little more than a year ago today to get away from her and my stepdad's abuse (You can read about it in detail [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/b5t75t/comment/ejg1d43)
To sum it up, and add some stuff on that I didn't include in the above linked post (It talked more about my stepdad than my mom)...
She's an alcoholic, and in my opinion, a very toxic person. She's manipulated people around me (teachers, counselors, etc) to try and put me in my place. Straight up lied to them about me to get them upset with me. Whenever I would try to sit down and talk out our problems, she'd use me as a scapegoat. She showed obvious favoritism to my two little siblings, sometimes to the point where she'd let me go hungry at night just because she didn't want to risk waking them up to make me dinner (and wouldnt let me cook for myself for the same reason, either). She's called me nasty things and put me down for things I couldn't control (Such as issues I have with my autism). I'm firm about my choice to cut contact with her, but my dad doesn't agree with it. He says that she's still my mother, and she has it rough right now. She does...She just had surgery to remove almost her whole reproductive system for stage zero cervical cancer. And she does have to deal with my stepdad. I doubt my choice every minute, even if sometimes I do feel strongly about it...It's time to finally get answers. Am I the asshole for completely severing contact with her? Should I at least try to comfort her about her recent surgery and other things she's going through? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
7zP6NG4eGFVAT79Rg4doyKQds0gB0mRq | azz58p | {
"description": "arguing with my mother over college",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for arguing with my mother over college? |
I (16M) am in high school and planning on where to go for college. My parents and I have differerent political opinions: they are both right-wing while I am moderate left. I listen and am receptive to my parent's opinions, and they listen back to a very short extent. Usually, my mother conveys that I am not experienced in the world and therefore do not have much of a base to stand on (not exact words). She also cuts me off most of the time. I get the feeling that they would rather me be right-wing, but I digress.
After school, my mother began discussing an article we read on taking down a statue at Yale University. The author disagreed with it, describing it as censorship. My mother wholeheartedly agreed, while I found myself at odds with some of what was said in the passage. Today, she mentioned in the car that she would never send me to Yale as a result. I started questioning this, asking if she would not send me to any college that this kind of occurrence happened to, and if this would be widened to any liberal-leaning university. She responded by saying that I could apply to any college I wanted to, but she would not pay for a college that "this liberal stuff" happened to, and I would have to earn everything myself. (I don’t have much money, and I believe most US colleges are at least partially liberal.)
I began to object at this point, starting a number of my sentences with "Are you kidding me?" and following up to most by saying "So you're not going to send me to any college you find an objection to?" and "That is really, really stupid." (by objection, I mean political disagreement.) I assured her she could have any opinion she wanted, but would not let it impact me. Now, she went on to tell me she had a right to voice her own opinion, and believed this extended to her payment, meaning she would refuse to give money to any institution that she disagreed with. I began to get visibly angry, telling her "Are you fucking kidding me?" and " I'm going to apply to Yale" and "I'm not going to let you fuck over my life" (I don't remember what the exact words were.) She began laughing as she asserted her position, saying she didn't want me to be brainwashed at a college like this. (She made one or two references to George Orwell's *1984.)* I (semi-angrily) told her my position again, and said I needed to go to the local library to work on my schoolwork.
In the house, my mother attempted to continue the argument. As the situation escalated, he called up my father at work, and explained to him that I was "cursing at her and calling her stupid". I didn't hear what my father was saying, but based on the garbled voice on the other end that I could hear, he was still calm. My mother also said that "this is what happens when you cut off the oxygen supply" (college tuition.) When she hung up, we continued semi-arguing, and finally she screamed the same thing at the top of her lungs.After that, I left.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
IDptpd2u5AhgmnAtMoG4OMEHuIT7PUBG | ayr1vr | {
"description": "honking at drivers blocking the right lane",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 51
} | AITA for honking at drivers blocking the right lane? | I've been driving for almost a year now and I always hate it when a dumbass driver intending to go straight blocks the right lane on a stop. When it happens, I spam the hell out of my horn forcing them turn right. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 51,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 4
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 51
} | WRONG |
Rac1ZBOMc5Mf7lXFb4pGQ25hhuC9SflW | aj9ahg | {
"description": "staying with my dad",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for staying with my dad? | Some context: I’m a junior in high school [16M]. My parents just got divorced about a month ago, Nothing too juicy, just they couldn’t work things out anymore. They sold the house I grew up in and moved into two separate apartments. My mom is planning on buying a house but can’t as of now because of complications with our old house selling. The two apartments are across the road from each other.
Complete sidenote: The family from the TLC show OutDaughtered bought our house. We have some weird contractual stuff going on, but I think they are going to close on the house. Not exactly relevant to this story, just thought it was strange.
My brother is a senior and lives with my dad because he can’t stand to talk to my mother anymore, and their constant fighting was one of the reasons my parents ultimately divorced. It was awful. Losing sleep to the sound of yelling and whatnot. The bad blood practically stained the walls. I live with my mom but I go and see my dad daily, because they are right next to each other.
Fast forward to today, where this story takes place. I was spending time at a girl friends house when my mom called and told me to come home. Being the teenage boy I am, I waited a minute or two to actually leave, since she wouldn’t be able to tell exactly how long it would take me to get home. I get home, my mom takes the keys to my car because I came home past a curfew, which by the way, I didn’t know existed. I guess it was some unspoken rule. Sure, 10:30 on a wednesday is late, but it was one strike and I was out. I’ve come home late before, and she didn’t seem happy, but she seemed to be enforcing a rule before telling me it even was one.
Now, I fully acknowledge that it is her car and she is free to take it at any time. With that being said, I still don’t believe it was fair. I packed my backpack and told her I was going to get the mail. I walked out past my PO box and out the gate, past the road and into my dads house. (She knows I’m here and knows I’m safe, etc.) I left because I knew if I stayed I would’ve said something I shouldn’t have. Something my brother would say to her. My dad is cool with me staying, but he hasn’t said anything to me about my decision to stay the night. (My parents still talk about everything together.)
Obviously, it’s not the smartest thing to do, but I’m not mentally in the correct place to make the best choices. However, I think I am old enough and should have the freedom to live with whoever I like, since there is no court mandated living conditions. I have too much weighing on me right now with school, relationships, mental health, existential shit, etc. to have to put more straws on my proverbial camel’s back. I just want to be left alone, and my dad’s doing a pretty good job at understanding that. Sorry if my story is jumbled or too convoluted, I’m in a lot of stress and I can’t put my ideas together very properly at the moment.
TL;DR: My mom took my car away for a reason I don’t believe was justified, so I responded by staying with my dad instead.
AITA?
WIBTA if I continued to stay with my dad?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
R1bPCgVCn7oyLRwFefQHEUWD1KjqoX3c | alka3u | {
"description": "saying someone shouldn't have a full blown wedding if they don't even have $300 to their name",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for saying someone shouldn’t have a full blown wedding if they don’t even have $300 to their name? | I belong to one of those wedding groups where they criticize camo wedding dresses and neon yellow bridesmaid dresses and whatnot. They post screenshots of crazy wedding related things. There was a post about someone with two kids who started a go fund me to raise $300 for a venue deposit and they’d pay the rest of the venue cost with their tax return.
So that’s already problematic. Considering a deposit of that size the venue itself and everything will probably cost $1500+. Generally everyone was saying “if they don’t even have $300 to their name why is their primary focus on a wedding”
Especially with two kids. One trip to urgent care or needing new brakes on your car will completely dry that money up. Tons of people were saying that. But when I repeated that exact thing and said if I had less than 3 grand in my savings I’d panic and never consider spending that much on a wedding someone said I was an ass.
Why me being singled out idk. I’m not blind to poverty and struggles. I see a lot of my friends struggle to get by. I safely have a couple grand in my bank account. So YES. I would be panicking if I didn’t have that money. My total bills a month come to about $1300. With enough left to comfortably have enough gas money and can go shopping and enjoy any play money. I wasn’t “flexing” as they called it. I live modestly and within the means of my salary. I only bought a new car because I could.
So yes, I’m fully aware people live paycheck to paycheck. But being called an asshole and ignorant because i said $300 is not a good safety net to be spending all foreseeable money on a wedding reception that isn’t mandatory and crowd funding for it doesn’t seem responsible.
People deserve to have nice things. You shouldnt shame poor people for wanting and having nice things.
So am I the asshole for literally just saying I’d panic if I didn’t have 3 grand let alone $300. I guess I’m looking for people’s opinions on financial stuff. I feel like it’s taboo anymore to acknowledge you “do okay” finances wise. More and More I see people just down others throats. Same girl told another commenter her life must be “charming” because she agreed having $300 to your name isn’t a lot and a full blown wedding shouldn’t be a focus.
I don’t really care that much I get some people have other opinions but I’ve increasingly see people be “shamed” (rolls eyes at that term) for being lower to average middle class and just doing “okay” | HISTORICAL | {
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yilF7Yxztk5RoVAlsEOGgkXM9Ss0X30s | b2vfpg | {
"description": "breaking up with her living with her for less than a month",
"pronormative_score": 35,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I break up with her living with her for less than a month? | Gf and I have been dating since August and she moved in with me at the beginning of this month. Before she was living in a shared house and once they found someone to rent her room she came to live with me.
It really didn’t take long before things went south. She’s pretty messy, she picks fights over dumb stuff like tv, she’s been smoking inside when I’m not around even though she agreed to go outside to smoke. She’s also gotten really controlling about what we do in our free time. All she wants to do is sit around here and if I go out without her she’ll get mad. Lately she’s also been saying she wants to quit her job and find something else which is a huge red flag for me.
It’s just not working out. I know we’ll probably break up when I tell her I want to leave, but if this is what living with her is like it’s probably for the best. I wouldn’t just let her go homeless, I’d give her time to find another house share, but part of me feels guilty. She can’t move back to where she was before so she’ll have to live with new people. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 35,
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KctM2djRffKA1WEwDpQVLpQH0m0iCFzz | auyyv8 | {
"description": "letting my friend's house get robbed",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for letting my friend's house get robbed? | TLDR at the bottom.
New Years Eve 2018, my friend from school hosted a party in his summer house to celebrate the upcoming new year. I was told it was supposed to be a get-together sort of thing between our friend group, but it turned out not to be.
There were around 100 people invited to a small house that was being heated by 3-4 radiators that didn’t really do much. This happened in Scandinavia (it was around -6 F), it was really fucking cold. The party went as it should, kinda. I got absolutely hammered because I was preparing to talk my crush (Let's call her QT).
I go upstairs with her (win amirite). Be me, about to shoot my shot, just to have my ex's (plural) show up to shame and laugh at both me and QT. I told the host to kick them out but he was too fucked to comprehend how mad I was. I lost QT, and I found out 20 min later she went to the sauna to fuck my best friend. Ouch. Best friend was also sorta taken,so his 'gf' and I were both fuming.
At this point, the party was ruined for me. I was cold, hurt, pissed and just overall done. I went to dance and wait for the countdown. As the countdown happened, I see QT and best friend french next to me. I go upstairs to drink and I see a person I don't know (Let's call her Stupid Cow).
Stupid Cow is contemplative drunk and is talking about her problems for about 20 min as I'm trying to insinuate I give negative fucks right now. Two of my friends (Friend A and B) come in the room and kick Stupid Cow out because they don't like her. Me and the two friends go to the bed and start talking about how big of a disaster the party is for about 2-3 hours until I get tired and try to sleep.
I'm trying to sleep but the 2 friends are drunk and won’t shut the fuck up. At this point everyone else has left. That is, everyone but our friend group (including best friend and his 'gf'), Stupid Cow who wasn't supposed to stay the night, my two other friends, and of course me. I get totally fed up and take the radiator downstairs and sleep on the couch doused in semen and barf. I see other friend (Friend C) crying and freezing so I invite her to the couch where we warm up pillows on the radiator to keep warm for the next 5 hours.
Now, the burglary. At some point we hear a noise in the next room, and we were frightened. Normally, I would go see what the noise was but not that day. I was drunk, freezing, hurt, pissed, and resting my ass on cum. As was Friend C. We had a conversation that went down like this.
"Yo, someone is out there, did you remember to lock the door?"
\-Fuck it, I couldn't be fucked right now. I honestly hope this place gets robbed.
We leave in the morning and find out some money, drinks and a rug were stolen. We also assume the thief took the house key. AITA for letting this happen?
TLDR; Shit party--> friend fucks my crush--> freezing my dick off--> sleep in cum and barf--> Let the house get robbed even though I could've easily stopped it. | HISTORICAL | {
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UnmUWzAoUldukDkHk6OUcDaoR2qhuuCP | aetzg5 | {
"description": "not dancing with a girl at her quinceanera",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for not dancing with a girl at her quinceanera? | This happened about 7 years ago, but my friends recently bought it up and were having a laugh about it, so I'm wondering what your take on the situation is, since I felt like an asshole back then and I'm unsure about it now.
Background: this girl, let's call her Sofia, was throwing a quinceanera (is it "quinceanera party"? I'm not sure what to call it exactly), and she had a crush on me. I wasn't interested in her for whatever reason, but we were friends.
To the party: my friends and I attended, and we were just hanging out when some of Sofia's friends approached me and told me that I needed to go dance with Sofia. I didn't want to do this for a few reasons: 1) I don't really like to dance, 2) I wasn't interested in Sofia and didn't want to lead her to thinking I was, and 3) it just seemed like an all-around awkward situation. I only told Sofia's friends the first reason, however. They called me an asshole and walked away.
Later, her friends approached me again and told me that Sofia was really upset that I refused to dance with her on such a special day, and that I should just dance with her to make her feel better. I said no again, this time because it seemed like it would've really magnified the awkwardness of the situation if I danced with her when she already knew I didn't want to.
At that point, her friends asked me to leave, which I did. I was later told that Sofia cried in the bathroom for some time because of this, which made me feel absolutely terrible. Sofia also didn't talk to me much after that night, although we were never really close to begin with.
Was I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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uAcXLa7gj5DVJzNfToI2lodGPOv2KYo8 | aninlq | {
"description": "ruining my mom's relationship with her boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For ruining my mom's relationship with her boyfriend? | This happened a while ago when I was about 13, and it still bothers me to this day. I have a tendency to overly blame myself for things, so I really don't know if I am really the one to blame. I'm just not sure if holding all of this guilt is worth it. This is my first Reddit post, so I deeply apologize if it's too long or I break a rule. Also, I am female, which will be relevant later. Well, here goes nothing.
My mom's ex-boyfriend is Indian, and follows a lot of traditional Hindu values. I did not know exactly what they were at the time (and I'm definitely not an expert on them now), so I treated him like I would treat anyone else. He didn't seem to have a problem with it until my mom and I went over to his house. He lives in a rural area, and we were told that he had a lot of animals. I am a big animal lover, so I was really excited to see them. When we got there, all I saw at first was his house. No animals, but a pretty nice house (except there was a back room where the floor was being remodeled, but it was nice overall.) I asked him where the animals were, and we went outside to see them in cramped cages in the backyard. For example, there was a rabbit with a cage that was barely larger than herself, with some spoiled bedding and old salad. The rabbit wasn't in too bad condition, but she definitely wasn't happy at all. The other animals were in about the same conditions, and I learned later that they didn't get any veterinary care.
My mom's ex had a daughter that was about my age at the time, probably a bit younger. She seemed to love the animals, but when I asked her about maybe giving them a bit more care in terms of health, she got really defensive. So I dropped the topic and didn't talk about it much.
My mom's ex also had two dogs, and neither of them were allowed in the house. The only thing he gave them was water and dog food, and only one bowl of each per day. The second time we came over, one of the dogs disappeared into the woods, and he wasn't found again. My mom and I convinced her ex to let in the other dog (I forgot his name) to the crappy back room, which is connected to the backyard. We slept over his house that night, and all I could hear was the dog's sad howling echoing throughout the house until I went over to the backroom with my blanket and pillow and slept on the dirty floor with the dog. Thankfully, the dog stopped howling after that and cuddled with me. I love that dog.
The next day, my mom and her ex found me sleeping on the floor with his dog and he got extremely angry. He yelled at me and called me an idiot, saying that I could get a disease from the dog or something. I said nothing for the first minute of his yelling, but then I just couldn't take it anymore and started to talk back. I told him that maybe if he had taken his dog to the vet for once, maybe I wouldn't be at risk for some disease (I was fine afterwards anyway). This made him so mad that he threatened to beat me, but then my mom showed up and calmed us down. I had gotten to the point where I was crying, so I just ran back to the room i was supposed to sleep in. On the way home, my mom lectured me about respecting my elders.
A week or two later, my mom and I were invited to his family reunion. This is where it all goes downhill. I had really bad anxiety and depression, and I had begged my mom to not make me go, but she made me go anyway. I was also pretty awkward, and I believe my awkwardness was mistaken for disrespect to his family. I tried not to talk to anyone or make eye contact, but when I had to, at least half of what I said was "uh," "um," or just hesitation. I tried my best to be polite, but since I didn't know very much about their culture, I wasn't entirely sure how to. My mom's ex's family made an Indian dinner, but I tried to politely refuse it because I really do not like Indian food, or spicy food in general. They kept on insisting that I should eat it, but when I finally caved and tried a bite, I'm sure the look on my face gave away that I did not enjoy it, and they seemed upset about it. I still feel pretty guilty about that.
The next day, (we spent the night there), I overheard my mom talking to her ex outside. He was telling my mom that I was being rude and that I should be punished. My mom tried to tell him that I didn't mean any harm, but he just assumed that I did. I walked away after hearing all of it, and I didn't really talk much until we left and drove home. It was a long drive, maybe 3 to 5 hours (I don't remember exactly how long it was.) It was also late at night, so I felt very drowsy. I wanted to sleep on the way home, so I just curled up in the backseat. I couldn't sleep because it was cold, and my window was open, so I closed it. Then, my window was open again, and I closed it again without giving it much thought. My mom's ex exploded. He yelled at me for closing the window, because he was trying to drive without falling asleep, so he wanted it to be colder. Then he went on an extremely long rant about how inconsiderate and disrespectful I am, saying that I shouldn't talk to adults like they are equals. He used his daughter as an example, and told her to speak her mind. She didn't say anything, and he said that's how it's supposed to be, because adults are talking. He called me a lot of bad names and cursed at me, and he even blamed my mom for not raising me right. I ended up crying myself to sleep as he ranted about how terrible I was, mostly to my mom after the example with his daughter. When we got home, my mom took her ex's advice and scolded me for being so stupid. A few days later, he broke up with her because of my ignorance. She said it wasn't my fault, but i knew it was.
That's the end of my story. Am I the asshole, or is it my mom's ex?
P.S. My mom's ex is NOT my father and we are not related at all.
TL;DR I was being socially awkward and made my mom's ex so angry that he broke up with my mom. | HISTORICAL | {
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QlIOyjKapFx3sU5KjFXKiuUO3EGQggtq | aindx3 | {
"description": "being really grumpy throughout dinner",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for being really grumpy throughout dinner? | It's my boyfriend and It's birthday this week and my sister got us a deal for a really nice, expensive restaurant in town. It's somewhere we've both really wanted to try but never got round to doing so we've been excited about it all month. On the day our table was booked we got ready and dressed up in the morning to go out and then sat around the flat for a while killing time. All of a sudden my boyfriend becomes, quite spontaneously, really anal about tidying the flat. He never usually does much of the housework so it was strange to, all of a sudden, see him darting around with a bin bag and polishing rag. He started clearing out cupboards etc. and asking me to look through things so we could throw some stuff out before we left. I, half-heartedly, started to help then asked why it was necessary for us to be doing this right this minute, an hour or so just before we're due to go out. He became really grumpy and passive aggressive about it all and made little comments about how certain shelves were needing dusted and how the little bin in the bathroom needed emptying and how he supposed he would just have to get it himself. Neither of us are particularly on the ball with housework (we both work 13 hour shifts and are rarely at home). I pointed out he had just as much a responsibility to clean this stuff as me and, again, asked why it was necessary to be doing it right now. He, then, made a comment about how he was feeling pressured to get everything finished that he'd started cause we were supposed to leave soon. I said, again, that there was no need for him to have even started all this right now and he was the only one putting pressure on himself. At this point I was feeling really irritated and let down as I had been really excited about going out to dinner and now it felt like it had been ruined. So, of course, we finally got out and I just wasn't really into it. He was trying to make conversation but kept dropping in little comments about how quiet I was and that I was being moody. Afterwards he said I'd ruined the whole meal for him and I told him he'd done the same for me by making such a, pointlessly, big deal about cleaning before we went out. He said I was being immature and now neither of us are talking to each other. So, AITA for being so annoyed about the whole thing? | HISTORICAL | {
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FQ6w8GllAUHcK08zq73ONEnyWBRIncNS | al3v0a | {
"description": "thinking my best friend owes me an explanation for ghosting me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for thinking my best friend owes me an explanation for ghosting me? | Didn't really know how to title this cuz it's kinda a long story.
I made the classic mistake of asking out my best friend. I think it's important to note that our friendship long pre-dated any romantic feelings I had for her. Anyway, I was pretty confident she was into me too, and this is coming from someone that doesn't exactly have an abundance of confidence when it comes to the opposite sex. Turns out I was wrong, and we had a long conversation about the situation. One of the things she said to me was that since I'm her best friend, she could never do anything that could risk that falling apart (like being in a romantic relationship with me). We talked it out, decided we were cool, she gave me a hug, said to text her tomorrow, and I went on my way. It hurt of course, but I was fully prepared to move on, and just be her friend again, because like I said before, our friendship came long before I had feelings for her, and I truly valued that friendship for what it was, not just as a means to dating her. This will be important soon.
So the next day I went to text her and found that she decided to lose my number and block me on social media. I went to her dorm to see wtf was up, and she basically shut the door in my face. As little sense as it made to me, I knew at that point I had to respect that she needed space (even though she never said that to me, she didn't say anything) and so I stopped trying to contact her. The thing is that this hurt a lot more than her not wanting to go out with me. She was my best friend. And over all the years of our relationship, I was always there for her. She needed help with homework, I was there. She was having a mental breakdown because of stress, I listened to her vent on the phone till she felt better. The point is I was always there for her, and I felt really hurt and betrayed that she could just throw that all away without so much as an explanation for why she didn't want me in her life anymore. I'd like to take a moment here to point out that this is not some incel/nice guy complex going on. I understood and accepted that she didn't share the same feelings as me, and I could never force her to feel that way about me. I wasn't her friend, and I wasn't doing all those things to support her with hopes of her returning the favor in some romantic way. I know she doesn't owe me a relationship because I was nice to her. Like I said before, our friendship long pre-dated any of this mess, and I valued that friendship for what it was.
With that out of the way, all this happened about a year ago, and I hadn't seen her or said a word to her since. Until today. I was walking out of class with another friend of mine (who is also friends with her) and we ran into her. They started talking a little, she saw the brace on my ankle and asked if I was okay, and we kinda just pretended that nothing ever happened for about 30 secs and then went our separate ways. I've since accepted that our friendship is over, and I'm not really mad at her anymore. But seeing her again today for the first time in over a year got me thinking about it again. So Reddit, my question is, AITA for feeling hurt that my best friend at least owes me some kind of explanation for cutting me out of her life? Also, for any women out there, please help me understand wtf is going in her mind right now, because clearly I can't read her mind, and I'd just like to understand how this happened. | HISTORICAL | {
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8QXWjiplb0D9lqbcn39QPUDT93inDirK | a4b7ta | {
"description": "getting a seasoned manager fired",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting a seasoned manager fired | Working on mobile, blablabla
I was working for a grocer, large chain which supports health, global social initiatives, so on. I worked as a part time employee while I was in between jobs, but I had wanted the job for years. I thought maybe I could stick around and move up in the company. I have pretty extensive knowledge and skill working with food and do consider myself a diligent employee.
At first everything seemed to be going well. I was learning quickly, picking up shifts when requested, and within a few months I was tasked with opening the department alone which was normally a management duty. I happily expected and thought everything was going well. I got along with all staff, including the manager. After a few months I started to notice a change.
The manager would get angry. Throwing utensils, punching paper towel dispensers, and just spoke rudely and shortly with myself and a few others. When he was being friendly to me, it was through him speaking poorly of others in the store or department. Or making inappropriate comments about the female staff of the store. This was the beginning of my frustration, but I disregarded and kept doing my best as I wanted to move forward in the company. I wanted to become full time and hoped to get myself into a different department. I always asked for feedback on my performance and how I could improve. I had all intentions on staying around and moving on.
As time went on, the managers attitude became more and more aggressive. The bad moods lasted longer, the insults were stronger, and it was just not a comfortable environment. I became close with other employees of the department who were also noticing the behavior. We all knew how we would talk about others and it was no surprise to hear what was said until one day a full time position opened, and I was excited. I thought I was doing fine, I was not receiving any negative feedback and was constantly working extra shifts and taking on more responsibility, all given to me by the manager in question.
When I expressed excitement for the position to my coworkers I was told I'm not getting the job. They were not putting me down as a joke, they were informing me of what the manager said when I wasnt around. That I was too slow, that I would never get a full time position from him, that if I tried to change departments then he would make my life hell, and ended the rant by calling me a "piece of shit faggot".
I was livid, confused, shocked and disappointed. I took my concerns to a floor manager who essentially said this was speculation, he said she said type stuff. My intention was not to have him fired, but to move to another department where I could get proper feedback and opportunity. But because this was supposedly speculation, they had no reason to move me. I then took this to the highest manager of the store. I expressed that I'm not doing this to cause trouble, I just want a fair opportunity. I laid it all on the line, said everything I heard from others and witnesses myself. She asked for me to write it all out and I did. What I didnt know is that she was opening an investigation as it was corporate policy.
Other team members were called in for interviews, and about two weeks later the manager was escorted from the building.
I worked at the store for about 6 months, he was there for 6 years in a management role. I dont know how long he had been treating people this way but I didnt feel right at the time. I felt bad for getting the man fired. He had kids and a mortgage as many middle aged men do, I never wanted to be responsible for adding that stress to a person's life, even if he wasnt quite fair to me.
Additionally, after the investigation, all of the employees who came forward on this behavior were fired for very small reasons. I resigned about a month later as the environment from management was cold. They didn't want to fire the guy either, but the policy of investigation caused him to be let go. The highest managers of the store were crying over losing this employee, almost as if his behavior should have been disregarded? And I was given a cold shoulder from most other employees of the store, as many were not aware of this behavior.
Am I the asshole here? The way I was treated after the fact makes me feel like I am. But at the same time, that behavior to be allowed in such a store, such an environment, is just appalling.
What do you think, reddit? | HISTORICAL | {
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qSdHmbKVspX5Hoeid02rTbcleXgLyojV | aeetjr | {
"description": "being pissed I finally told my boyfriend how I felt about him after trying to be nice for months and he reacted like this",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being pissed I finally told my boyfriend how I felt about him after trying to be nice for months and he reacted like this? | I tried being nice and helping him though some shit but honestly he treated me like shit so I was done. But he invited me over and just played video games all night and didn’t let me play and ignored my advances on him, he cried saying his ex didn’t tell him happy birthday yet totally ignored my message, he insulted my friend in front of all his friends, he would get blackout drunk a few times a month, he would regularly ignore my messages, I was the last one to be invited to his New Years party, he would point out how oily I was and how much dandruff I have (I have complained to him about these issues I had), he wouldn’t wanna cuddle, and he always complained that I never showed him my true feelings yet he literally didn’t show me emotions. I guess I freaked him out when I tried to get too close so I detached. I didn’t invite him to go to places with me, he didn’t meet my family, he didn’t meet my friends really, I never said I love you and I never intentionally left shit at his place. I tried really hard to not come on strong once he told me I went too fast too quick... i invited him on my vacation because I had planned it already and was going alone and I sent him nudes on the trip and he just said “your booty white” and ignored the message, and then later on I came home at like five am and he fucked me and went to sleep and didn’t even say thanks for my present, ever.
I said:
So I’m unsure of how you felt pressured.
I didn’t wanna Make you feel like shit so I hid my feels. My friends wouldn’t treat me this shitty ever.
Veronica would never invite me over and get blackout and then play games all night or only invite me to an event she planned after I asked her about it. or be rude about my other friend in front of people I hardly know. And Honestly no one in my life who I know would ignore my birthday wish (I wanted to be the first so I told you on the eve and you ignored that text so I gave you space because you wanted to not be that emotionally involved) then come to me drunk and upset about someone else not telling them happy birthday. Like honestly what the fuck? Who the fuck does that. And then to be like oh this girl who I used to date is one of those people, but she’s too cool now for me and living in LA....? (So you probably would drop everything to be with her if you had the chance to... that’s greaaaaaat.... that’s why you’ve been wanting me to take it slow... slow enough to not be alone till she’s available?) Like honestly I feel bad for you and wanted to do what I could to make you happy but try and treat people who try to show they care about you right and don’t be a dick to them. It’s fucking depressing... I always was optimistic but you didn’t seem to appreciate that at the time. I don’t even think you really appreciate it now. You say you do but your actions don’t.
He said: But one that I remember early on is you getting upset with me while you were in Hawaii for not really taking it that serious when you asked if I wanted to come join you (I literally asked if he wanted to go.... he said he couldn’t affford it and I said ok, i just thought it would be a fun thing but I understand... no pressure cause I know this is new, I’m just going alone so thought I’d ask). I made a joke about your tan line like the girl from the suntan bottle because I did not think I was insulting you but kinda being cute everyone has a tanline on their butt (I literally sent him a nude and he said “lol”) and you took great offense yo that and then when oh got back it was like super early and I did not think not freaking out you were back would be that big of a deal because we were going to hang out normal people times soon (he hardly talked to me, fucked me, went to sleep- I was gone for two weeks prior). I said I wanted you to tell me if I was doing things like that because I felt at that point I did not know what I was doing sometimes but maybe you were just more sensitive than I realized.
Then blackout drunk thing was bad (but more for me I just shouldnt be doing that stuff) but as you know people on drugs are not themselves and are very unaware of what they were doing then you played it cool at the time only to leave in the morning and the plan was to just necer talk to me or see me again ignore my calls (I answered his calls... ) and texts forcing me to go and try to get an explanation that could have been a little sign I cared ya know if you just ghosted me and I didn’t give a shit why would I go to your place I would have just been like cool now I don’t have to deal with it
I am not an alcoholic but I do have issues sometimes with taking my drinking too far and I guess my actions during those times are going to be put under a microscope the most instead of how I am sober. That is fine I was shitty to you those times I got drunk and I am sorry but as someone who said they have dealt with drug issues in the past maybe you could have talked to me about it and how the actual drinking was bothering you and how I acted during states of drunkenness were not okay and I would have listened not just ditch me and make me have to go to your place for you to finally tell me.
Sorry for being shitty I get the picture and I apologize. If you still just want to keep being mad and bring stuff up some more that is fine as well if it helps you out. And you can believe whatever you want to believe about me and my appreciation or feelings for you back then I know how I felt and that is fine again whatever helps you feel better. If you want to keep writing this stiff out I suggest doing it on a piece of paper or journal or something cuz me just responding and trying to make you not blame yourself is obviously riling you up and I am not responding anymore.
Sorry for everything you are a way better person than me so just take some comfort in the fact you don’t have to put up with my shit anymore. Feel better, goodbye | HISTORICAL | {
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h6g4wIfvtfM1WUlwyxISwKTnux76JqNy | ar0a5q | {
"description": "not wanting to see my autistic cousin",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to see my autistic cousin? | first off, this is a throwaway due to some of my family and friends knowing my real user.
alright so before christmas, my family usually does a big get-together while everyone is still off work/school/home from uni etc... otherwise we never get to see eachother. so, my cousin, he's 16 and he's huge. not fat or anything like that, he's really tall and very strong and prone to terrible tantrums so a lot of us are kind of on edge about saying or doing the wrong thing that'd set him off.
anyways, he goes through these phases of latching onto different people, and recently he's latched onto my little sister. so during the get-together they were in her room playing video games. now, something that evening had already put him in a bit of a mood. for as long as i can remember, we've had to go out of our way to cater to him, not to his needs, but to what he wants, otherwise he kicks off. so anyways, he asks me if he can play red dead redemption 2, i tell him no because he's not 18 yet, this pisses him off and he runs to tell his mum. his mum pulls me aside and asks me to let him play because its just a game, i tell her i know that its just a game but the last game i let him play, he completely erased all my progress and i didn't want to risk it with this game. everyone's shocked because i said no to him.
my sister eventually lets him play one of her games, and while their playing, my sister asks him how schools going because he starts college soon and he tells her its fine, and he's been texting loads of girls from school. my sister is concerned because there was an instance where he was excluded for a few days because of complaints that he harasses girls in the year below him. his parents use his autism as an excuse, and while i know that he obviously cant function like other kids his age, making up excuses for him teaches him nothing so he just carries on doing it.
but anywho, my sister asks to see a text or two and then that was it. he just completely lost it. smashed one of our controllers and starts throwing stuff around the room. the mood is fucked, everyone leaves early, our annual get-together completely ruined. last year was a special one, too. one of my cousins had a baby and she brought him over for me to meet for the first time, my older brother was going to announce his engagement and my family met my girlfriend for the first time since i came out to them, and all of it was ruined over something so silly.
well, fast forward to christmas day, i wake up to my sister crying her eyes out next door because he had sent her a text saying that he hates her and that she's a cunt and she ruined christmas. i tell her to just ignore it and to tell our mum if he carries on. and boy did he carry on. over the next few days she got texts from him saying that he hopes she gets stabbed and dies, that he hates her and doesnt ever want to talk to her, that he's going to come over and beat her up and calls her a n***er. eventually she blocks him and we go on with our lives.
well, recently we got a call saying that he'd been arrested for domestic violence against his mum and that he's now living with a foster family and that he wants to see me, my mum, brother and nan. my brother was ruled out immediately as he's in america, my mum said no because of the texts, so me and my nan were willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and maybe try to get an apology. onto yesterday, he sends my sister an onslaught of horrible messages on fb, some really disgusting and violent stuff and i got so angry i called him and told him i wont be meeting him until he feels like he can start being nice to my sister again and stop sending her vile messages. he kicks off over the phone, says he hates me because im not letting him get his own way. i tell him he cant always get his own way and if he's gonna be like that then i dont want to see him, and then i hung up.
apart from my mum, sister, a cousin and an uncle, everyone now seems to think im being selfish and unreasonable.
so please, am i the asshole?? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
EmIwXLVoDlAK1DUy9hsc3Qv7P2dPK7eO | ameiii | {
"description": "not reciprocating oral sex to girl during a one night stand",
"pronormative_score": 60,
"contranormative_score": 44
} | AITA for not reciprocating oral sex to girl during a one night stand | I recently had a one night stand with this girl and I was wondering if I was asshole in this situation.
She started off by giving me a blow job (with condom on), I think she just meant it as foreplay rather me ejaculating. But after 15 minutes I did. Afterwards she asked me to give her oral in return, I said I can’t because I have no protection. She said it unfair because I had an orgasm and she didn’t. I offered to do hand stuff to her or if she was willing to wait 30minutes we can have sex. She got angry with me and started calling me derogatory terms and threated to tell all her friends that I am pussy and is bad at bed \[we didn’t have sex\]. I felt a little uncomfortable and left.
I know I was selfish in not reciprocating oral sex, but I personally feel that her reaction was a bit too much. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 29,
"OTHER": 59,
"EVERYBODY": 15,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 60,
"WRONG": 44
} | RIGHT |
fkJv4IXKVjuIy40vvfSQfGzhVgqTRyUW | b14rfy | {
"description": "not wanting to sleep at my ex's place",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not wanting to sleep at my ex's place? | I'm trying to keep this short. I have this weird relationship with my ex where I sleep over at her place quite frequently. She knows me better than anyone and we consider each other friends. She's the most important person in my life, as she has helped me heal from my mental illness, get me off drugs and graduate and get a job. She has done a lot for me, although at times I feel she can be bit manipulative. After we broke up I went back to her for support as my life started to spiral out of control.
Lately I have been not wanting to sleep at my ex's place, I've felt I need my own space and I'm trying to date and meet other people. She texted me in the afternoon she wanted my help with something and said she wished I would come over. I didn't reply. Then she calls me and asks, I don't want to tell where I am and I answer I'm not sure if I want to come over. I'm working late and going to the gym, and she tries to call me again. I feel like I need my own space so instead of answering the call I'll reply that I would drop over to help. I felt like I didn't want to stay the night, although I didn't say this. So I'm going to the gym and waiting the bus, this takes a couple of hours and at this point it is around 18:00. She texts me if I need a lift. I don't reply, as I'm already on my way to the bus stop. Then she calls, and I tell that I'm coming.
When I arrive I start to feel bad, I feel like I want to go home, so I'm thinking of helping her and taking a bus home. When I come in she's sitting there and telling me she wants my help with setting up a camera. I get frustrated because I feel she could have done this by herself, and I tell her this. She then says that we can do it together. She offers me food, I decline. We take care of the camera thing and I start to contemplate on leaving. She comes to me and says:
"Do you want me to take you home so that you don't feel obligated to be here and stay over?
I took a shower though and I would really not like to get ill as the weekend is coming"
As she's offering me this, I'm feeling anxious and want to go home:
"I'd like you to take me home, please"
Then she gets really upset and mad, and we walk to her car. I feel like shit and super guilty.
We don't speak a word the whole way and she drops me off.
​
I feel that I'm guilt tripped, I'm trying to remind her and she didn't need to offer me a lift.
Am the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
vGhuJTOe5cQr2dRvjIx3HoJsZrPAQRYY | ay9m6n | {
"description": "stealing a kids Yu-Gi-Oh cards",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA For stealing a kids Yu-Gi-Oh cards | Alright first! My grammar is crap if I mess up please excuse it. Second this was a long time ago and now a days I wouldn't do this and honestly I wouldn't give a crap about the situation as a hole.
Alright to start i used to babysit for my dad's girlfriend she had three kids I'm only going to focus on one at the moment Kathy is what I'll call be calling her. It started with me essentially doing the usual I would wait for them to come home from school feed them and let them do whatever. (keeping them from trying to kill each other) at som point we were outside in the back yard she had applied gotten a lot of cards from someone at her school, about 20 or so Yu-Gi-Oh cards.
She was showing them off to her brothers simply enough I didn't mind or care about it that much until she pulled out a lighter and started burning the damn things. If anyone here collects card like I did I'm sure you may have the same pain I did. I asked Kathy.
Me:"Kathy! What are you doing? Didn't you say[guys name I can't remember] gave them to you?"
Kathy:"yah" *is picking up another and is burning the corners*
Me:"then why are you burning it?"
Kathy: "it's mine I can do what I want with it"
I don't stop her after that, she burns the corners of some and burning a couple completely. Then picks up and goes back inside her brothers in toe.
(Also if your going to yell at me for letting her play with a lighter she was twelve and had a screaming temper tantrum when I tried to stop her from taking her blankets and sheets outside after it had rained outside at one point, her mom didn't give one, and I didn't feel like fighting with her that day)
Anyways I go back in and continued through the day mostly forgetting about it. A few days later she was in the kitchen table and had the Yu-Gi-Oh cards and some other random playing cards out playing out again to put it simple she was flinging them around the kitchen playing some game, I asked her to clean up her stuff so I could sweep and mop. She hardly torches a thing and runs off. *Sigh*
Anyways I cleaned up the kitchen and have all the cards that were all over the kitchen in a stack on the table. Im frustrated with the lack of care with Kathy not giving a crap about something that was given to her. I'm ashamed to say I pocketed them. It's as simple as that. In my head at the time she didn't deserve them she wanted to destroy and ruin something that was a "gift"(started thinking maybe she stole them) What i think was the saddest part is that she never asked about them after...like at all. I expected her to ask if anyone had seen them but no, nothing it was as if they never existed after I took them. Am I the asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
R9465WDwOWHJstTah2EOpPYQTQzvdqpz | asic95 | {
"description": "refusing to take my boss's arm",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing to take my boss’s arm | Context: I work in the print section of an office supply store. I don’t know the actual floor super well, but usually I can get by. Most of my workday is spent printing or taking orders. My boss is known for being really weird with female employees, but especially me because I’m the youngest on staff.
So today I was coming back from a 15 minute break, and a woman asked me where something was, and I wasn’t sure. So I used my radio and ask if anybody knows where it is. So at first, I am ignored. Then my coworker who is also in the print shop gets the attention of our boss. Conversation is as follows:
Boss: Have you taken her to the aisle to look?
Me: No? I wasn’t sure if we even sold it so heading to a random aisle didn’t seem worthwhile.
Boss: Did you look?
Me: ...no?
My boss then gets up with an exaggerated sigh, comes over and tells me and the woman to follow him to aisle 13. That would be fine, but he INSISTED I take his arm like I was his prom date as we headed over. Now - he’s been flirtatious with me before and I’ve made it clear I don’t like it, as he’s older than my father is and his youngest child is the same age as me, but he insists anyway. Not wanting to be impolite and make the situation tense, I try and joke it off.
Me: Sorry, heh, I don’t think my boyfriend would be okay with this...
Boss, while still insisting: I’m not trying to be your BOYFRIEND, I just don’t want you to get LOST, little lady.
I continue to not take it and he eventually gives up with a big upset huff, and he leads me and the woman to the aisle. I then have to ask for help again because I know nothing about what she’s asking for, and ask over the headset. Again, I’m ignored until two of my print shop coworkers get the attention of an OFF DUTY MANAGER who then comes to help me.
AMITA? Should I have just taken his arm? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
CNp7CcX9SJNP4CK7yBseyAJarL6YRu97 | b4p0iv | {
"description": "snooping through my boyfriend's phone a second time",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for snooping through my boyfriend's phone a second time | I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now and I've known him for 4 1/2 years-- I used to really not be the jealous type but I've been struggling with it ever since we hit a rough patch a few months ago where he was having jealousy issues. We've since moved on from that, but for some reason that all triggered something in me and I know find myself quietly worrying to myself about if he'd prefer someone that's asian over me (I'm white).
Though I have these feeling I recognize that he isn't doing anything to make me worry and that it's my mind playing tricks on me and tend to not be accusative towards him with these feelings, instead I tell him when I'm feeling jealous and why so he reassures me that it's just in my head. I'm seeing a therapist and have been diagnosed with anxiety so I'm working on it.
BUT around a week ago I saw a message on his phone lock screen from a foreign friend that said "well at least you know you love her" and I was immediately panicking. He was already asleep and I didn't want to wake him up to ask about it, so I tried to put it out of my mind and watch a documentary or two. By the time I decided I wanted to go to bed all of the what ifs were still plaguing my mind so I unlocked his phone to look at the conversation (the first time I've ever done something like this). He told her that he's been having issues where his mind wanders and will absentmindedly think of other girls from time to time and that once or twice he though of someone else while we were having sex. I immediately started crying and he woke up, I told him what I did and what I read. He explained to me that it's not conscious when it happens and he thinks that it's just a "guy thing" and hates that it's been happening and said he wasn't upset I snooped because he too would've been anxious about the message that was on him lockscreen. I then pressed about him thinking of someone else while we were having sex and he said that it was the same girl he messaged about this issue! He told me thought of her came and left quickly and that not focusing on me had made him go a bit flaccid.
Now I feel rather insecure and have been concerned since. Today he was in the shower and I was just in the bathroom talking to him when the same friend messaged him and something in my stomach turned and I immediately looked at the conversation. I know it was wrong of me and that I shouldn't have done it and he asked me if I opened the conversation since the notification from her was gone and I told him yes, that I briefly looked but then put it away because I knew it was wrong. He told me it was okay and he truly wasn't mad but reminded me that doing things like that isn't okay. I feel terrible and I'm afraid that he's secretly mad at me even though anger wasn't something he expressed, it was comfort and reassurance instead. As far as these actions go am I the asshole here? I feel like he should be way more harsh on me than he is being :/ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
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