id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
eZmqj2bIU3F7ANyi90jSBryaJfB5J4Gk | b8psx6 | {
"description": "wanting to reach out to my grandmother who disowned my family and removed us from her will",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to reach out to my grandmother who disowned my family and removed us from her Will? | My dad broke his back in 1997 and and had 12 spinal surgeries in total. He began abusing his pills to better relieve himself of his pain in 2008 and was taking up to 20 oxy, and 10 percs a day just to cope. My grandmother (his mom) cut him out of the family. My dad was always high, and his brain was fuckin fried. He began using Meth and Heroin for 3 years because the pills just weren't enough anymore.
My dad went to visit his mom in 2015 to rekindle their relationship, but he was so high he missed his flight. So his mom bought another ticked that same day, and when he arrived he was, and these are my grandmothers words, " High as a fuckin kite, and drooling on himself like a retarded child". So my grandmother stuck his ass back on a plane home. We then receive a call from her saying she never wants to see us again and has taken us out of the Will ( she is a multi millionaire and I will not disclose anymore information to keep her privacy) and does not want anything to do with a drug addict son.
End of the year 2016 my dad got clean. He reached out to his ill mother and decided to move in with her to help her. They some how rekindled their relationship and things were looking good for them. My father had one last spinal surgery to under go ( he was told they finally figured out a way to relieve his pain) and he was nervous, because he knew pain medication will be involved. Unfortunately, June 17th of 2017, my dad passed away from an accidental narcotic over dose. They pumped him full of drugs, wrote him prescriptions, and sent him on his marry way. Turns out the prescription mixed with the surgery medication, caused his organs to fail, ultimately killing him.
I see my grandmother for the first time since 2010 on June 20th, 2017 to talk about a service for my father. She was heart broken. Out of no where my dads sister mentions how she is glad he stopped Meth and Heroin... My grandmother never knew about that part and decided to not give him a service.
Lately I have been thinking of reaching out. My father was broken when his mother cut him out of her life. He was in so much pain because of that. But he sucked up his pride and tried to get her back, and he did. I don't want bad blood between my dads family and us, it is not what he wanted. He only ever wanted everyone to love as hard as they can. I want to do that for him, but my mom and sister are not a fan of this idea. They do not understand why, and think I am choosing his family over my own.
Am I the ass hole here? I know she fucked over my dad and our entire family, but my dad found forgiveness in his heart, so why can't I?
TLDR: grandma cut out dad and entire family for his drug addiction, then my dad and grandma mad up, then my dad died, she found out more details of his drug addiction and decided to not do a funeral or service for him. I want to now reach out after almost 3 years | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
SKhfRRRaYlkEceoxbvv051hU2hWRsNmc | al5i9e | {
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend for being dangerously obsessed with BTS",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend for being dangerously obsessed with BTS? | I (16M) was dating a girl (16F) for a long while (about a year and a half) when she started to get into BTS, and it took over her life. She only talked about BTS anymore, she only posted and followed people on twitter that also liked BTS, it was all she would listen to, she spent all of her money on their merch, and stopped talking to all of her friends that weren't into BTS aside from me. At first I supported her new interest, but after a while it got overbearing to the point that I couldn't handle it anymore.
She would try to force me to get into BTS all the time, claiming that "anyone who comes in contact with these boys falls in love". Whenever she would, I would try to tell her about the toxicity of the k-pop industry and fandom, but she wouldn't listen, claiming that the artists were just dedicated and some fans just loved them a little bit too much. (For context, one of the artists broke a leg and still went on to concert, and she claimed it was dedication and he wasn't forced to do it. She also claimed that the fans that tracked the band to an airport and threw themselves on them was "a bit much, but it wasn't that bad")
After I while I just got fed up with it, and broke up with her. She wasn't the person I fell in love with, she had completely changed. Rather than the deep discussions about life and the universe and politics, she just wanted to talk about whatever Yoongi or Jaehyun did that day.
She thinks I'm the one in the wrong because I'm not supporting her, but that's not it at all, I don't think. I broke up with her not because she has an interest I don't have, but because she's a wholly different person and was the kind of person that would be incredibly angry if one of the members so much as took a concert off because he was sick, and I didn't need that in my life. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 20,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
nsF0nH4Z0jSdVKERzbSa1iKKrFqXGFYN | aszx60 | {
"description": "refusing to put a strangers toddler on my shoulders at the zoo",
"pronormative_score": 81,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For refusing to put a strangers toddler on my shoulders at the zoo? | Im 6'8. Very tall by most people standards. I get a lot of looks in public, the occasional joke. Some more enthusiastic strangers will call me big guy.
But I have never been asked to be ridden around (by a stranger) before until this weekend.
I went to the zoo with my visting cousin and her husband, plus my sister and my friend. Thought it was kinda lame but whatever we did it on the spur of the moment.
While we're walking from exhibit to exhibit a small asian girl keeps following me at the heels, closely followed by her family. I saw what looked like a dad with another girl on his shoulders pushing a stroller with another baby, an older woman holding an asian boy, another middle aged asian couple, then two old asian men and a granny. Plus some kiddos running around like the one following me. So a big family that would laugh and giggle every time they looked at me and i looked at them.
A little more background, we are all in Texas and I was wearing cowboy boots and a hat (you dont have to say it i know i look good).
I believe they thought i was like a tourist sighting, like a giant cowboy in texas. I dont mind that at all really. Im not self conscious.
However it got weird when one of the asian women approaches me and says "You hold her on your shoulder". While smiling and pointing at the kid.
She wanted me to do what the dad was doing with the other kid so the little girl could see into the gorilla pit while also getting to ride me.
The girl was very young and had a binkie so i thought she also had diapers and i didnt want diaper neck or someone on my head. Plus id need to take off my hat and carry it around and it was just a hassle.
So I say "Oh no thanks."
"You pick her up so she can see.
"Oh no thanks."
"No you pick her up its ok."
"No thanks."
I dont think she understands english very well so I start shaking my head from side to side and start saying "No" forcefully.
The little kid starts pouting and crying and the asian family start giving me mean looks. Then the grandma pulls a zoo worker aside and points to me, at which point i assume they realize that im not a zoo attraction for tourists. But it was just awkward and my sister just said i should carry around this kid on my neck.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 74,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 81,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
0RzxJ8f4CDiFWsvLZKaIKwKYZrV2MiPa | b15sqo | {
"description": "correcting my brother on Nietzsche",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for correcting my brother on Nietzsche? | I have a PhD in Philosophy, and my little brother Liam (19) is trying to read Nietzsche for the first time, never having taken a Philosophy class. He picked "Beyond Good and Evil," which I would probably not have recommended for a first-time reader, but he seems to be enjoying it. However, whenever Liam talks about something that he's read, it's clear that he is wildly misunderstanding the text. Since he doesn't have any kind of context (of Platonism, Schopenhauer, or earlier Nietzsche), this is extremely understandable. However, it's frustrating to listen to, and HE seems to be frustrated by the ideas that "just don't make sense."
So far, I've been taking the approach of "yep, yep, that's an interesting interpretation. Many Nietzsche scholars are more inclined to understand [idea] as [more legitimate interpretation]." Liam doesn't disagree, but he also doesn't really seem interested in my help. Part of me feels like I should just let it go and let him do things his own way, but part of me is concerned that I would be doing him a disservice by shutting up. If he tries to read other philosophers who are engaging with Nietzschean ideas (and that's a lot of 20th century philosophers), he will be very handicapped by his misunderstandings of BGE.
AITA for continuing to (gently) correct him, even though he does not seem interested in my help? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
X7MiugFve2Lgj0ah6KIe9m6DvdYXFUda | b2pkpu | {
"description": "leaving my ex-friend without telling him why",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for leaving my ex-friend without telling him why? | I know the title makes me sound like a jerk but hear me out (also I do think I was being kind of a jerk). Around the seventh grade I met this kid in my History class. We talked and at first I thought he was a pretty cool dude to hang out with. He was nice to me, never really made fun of me unlike almost everyone else at my school. So the year goes on and I'm sitting with this kid every single day. We talked about normal idiotic seventh grader stuff and had a bunch of fun. But over time, I started to realize that this kid was not what I thought him to be at first. I started to realize that he was kind of a jerk. And I also realized that he was slowly ruining my friendships with the very few friends I had. Of course, it took me about a year and a half to finally realize this. He would always act like it was the biggest deal ever when I left him for another class I had to go to and did not spend an extra thirty seconds to talk to him. And then when I came back to him at lunch, he would proceed to get mad at me for leaving him, and then make fun of me and humiliate me the entire lunch. Rinse and repeat. For the next one and a half years. I felt trapped in a never ending cycle that I was now too scared to try to get out of. Anytime I was talking with someone else, he would walk up to me, trying to hold back his anger and act normal (because there was someone else there too) and tell me nicely "Hey, lets go to lunch" (or something along those lines) which was code for, "Get away from him and come sit with me, idiot." So my life sucked and I was feeling pretty depressed because of it (or because it was middle school, I couldn't tell). Anyways, that was my life for the entire seventh grade and half of eighth grade. I should also mention that during that time I was sitting with him at lunch, I sat with no one else. There was no one else at our table. Just me and him and it sucked. Finally, I managed to leave him. For once, I didn't sit at that table and I sat with people I actually enjoyed being with. And then I continued doing that and I felt happy again. But the reason I think I was being kind of an asshole was because I never confronted him about it. I was basically too scared to talk to him face to face and say that I hated everything that he did to me and to never talk to me again. But he never did talk to me again so I'm pretty happy. But the fact that he might do this to another person and make them have to go through the same feelings that I'd been feeling is always on my conscience and personally I think it makes me an AH too. But I still want to ask this here too for confirmation/relief I guess.
tl;dr: "Friend" makes me feel like shit for one and half years straight and isolates me from everyone else. I finally left but I'm too scared to tell him why I left and the fact that he could now do this to someone else is always on my conscience. AITA?
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
jJNulMEyAUYJ5vrODj5lsHWU6VDrSC7J | b6t484 | {
"description": "not wanting to go overseas for my cousins wedding when they flew over here for my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for not wanting to go overseas for my cousins wedding when they flew over here for my wedding? | Long story short my cousins are from Italy and the whole family flew over here to Australia for my wedding last year.
Now the cousins wedding is in July and I am expected to go.
Honestly I don’t want to go overseas just because of the wedding and especially that I’ll have to take time off work which means I won’t be paid for certain period. I can probably get the money to go but honestly I just don’t want to go.
I’ve been getting told by my wife that I’m being selfish. What do you guys think?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
5kU87vcDfRpw3pMjn7S97TxTJt8q8J2L | anf5zf | {
"description": "breaking up my best friends relationship",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for breaking up my best friends relationship | Obligatory throwaway account for obvious reasons
So this happend a little while back, my best friend let's just call him A was in a successful relationship (or so i thought at the time) with this girl we'll just call J why is this important? Well because we're highschoolers and unfortunately with the hookup culture in full swing real relationships that last more than a month are rare to find.
Now to flesh out the back story a little more i did not know J personally but she seemed cool from what i had heard about her through A ofcourse. Now this is where the story starts; one boring summer day A tells me that J and him had exchanged passwords of their snaps mainly for pictures but she could log into his account from time to time, i did not think much of this as she didn't log in till a few days later.
So J logs into A's account and i catch on pretty quick that the person talking is J and she gives me her snap and asks me to add her which i was not expecting but i wasn't gonna say no to her face as it wasn't something inappropriate, and we actually had quite a bit in common (which i found out later on that day just casually texting her)
Fast forward a few days and she proposed to me in a very roundabout non-confrontational way.......that escalated quickly? Well yes, yes it did even for me as i thought she's out of my league you know straight A student, state level tennis and swimming player and also very attractive the whole package and she never hit on me either. At first i thought it was a prank or a fad or something and we didn't talk the next few days and she says she'll break things off with A and i well didn't want that to happen but i can't make her decisions for her.
So getting to the point she didn't break things off i talked to A a few days after her birthday and i can't see my best friend in such distraught and i be very upfront and honest with him as even though J is a good girl, she wasn't the best gf atleast to A cuz she didn't love A as much as A loved her to summarise it.
Fast forward a few months A has cut both me and J out of his life and our social circles overlap very heavily so i know for a fact he hasn't moved on and he passively hates me even though i let J know that A was my priority if i had to pick one but i didn't exactly want to cut either out of my life and while i did tease A a little when me and J started talking it was just funny banter and it was way before she proposed.
Even i can see i wasn't a very good friend in this situation but i tried my best to do damage control and not take a side, still i have tried to reconcile with A and start off our friendship fresh also no i am not dating J nor do i plan to. But A has tried to block me off J's socials and he has often back bitched me, J doesn't like A at all anymore and A doesn't like me at all anymore while I'm trying to figure where this shit hit the fan.
So reddit AITA here some say i am some say I'm not but i just didn't want to have to pick a side but i subconsciously ended up picking one, also excuse my english as it isn't my first language and i tried to articulate my rant as best as i could. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
kRQn6xQPkSd4IHbqnXmJj8XCcSqGMIHC | ba2r26 | {
"description": "not wanting to sacrifice my Easter holidays to take care of our kitten",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not wanting to sacrifice my Easter holidays to take care of our kitten. | Around 5 days ago we discovered that a cat with her litter had moved in to our garage. Unfortunately she decided that one of the four kitten was to weak and didn’t give her enough milk to stay alive, so we took her inside our house and have been feeding, cleaning etc. She is gaining weight everyday and doing really well, especially because my three younger sisters take really good care. Next week my parents and my sisters will be going on vacation and I’ve decided to stay at home for the two weeks to work and to party. The problem is that if we keep the kitten, I would have to feed her every 6 hours and couldn’t really go out in the evening or work for a whole day. We could give her to a pet shop so she could be adopted and I wouldn’t have to take her of her. I would really like to keep her but I’m not sure if I am able to care for her on my own for two weeks. Also I don’t want that my sisters think that I’m just to lazy after they put so much effort into it. I’m really not sure what to do now. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
fjS1xw36caCMF1bOLKhig4dywhaLjCo4 | avh0xi | {
"description": "asking my wife who was putting our son down for a nap to check and see if I had something in my eye after pulling a larger piece of wood out of it",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for asking my wife who was putting our son down for a nap to check and see if I had something in my eye after pulling a larger piece of wood out of it? | I was weedwacking an area next to our house and wearing safety glasses, but something got past it and went into my eye. I pulled something out of the corner of it and it still felt like something was in there. I washed it with eyewash and still felt something. I then went upstairs to ask my wife quietly and ended up waking our toddler too. She’s pissed at me for that. I’ll place a potential medical case over a nap any time, but AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
56Y9q3cRp9EMPDMGeOesffVgZW5teVHb | agubfg | {
"description": "showing disrespect and hostility toward my autistic roommate",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for showing disrespect and hostility toward my autistic roommate? |
I live in an apartment off campus at a university. I was assigned a random roommate for my 2-bedroom place 7 months ago, and am halfway through the lease. I was randomly assigned a roommate, whom I contacted about 2 weeks prior to moving in. When I texted him the conversation was seemingly good, and he informed me he was an "aspie". I was totally cool/down with this, in fact I was kind of stoked about it. I once saw a doc on a surfer with Aspergers and he was cool as shit.
Anyways, the first few weeks were cool. I definitely thought he was a little off but I expected that. We still found countless topics to speak on. As a roommate though, he seemed to be very neurotic about a few things. First off, he was intent on dividing the entire space and creating some ground rules. But his ground rules were strange and always changing. For instance, he was very intent on splitting up kitchen counter space. But I had no items on the counter at all and figured we could use the countless cupboards. I said whatever, just like I kept saying, but shit has gotten weird.
He has apparently had terrible experiences with his family in the past, but he told me his parents and sister blame their divorce on him. He talked of physical/verbal/emotional abuse, the 1st of which he is suing his parents for. Briefly put, his parents no longer speak to him and his sister refuses to speak with him expect in therapy. They don't totally believe he has Asperger's too. They sent him to psychiatric camps. He is suing them for that too. He is poor because they won't supply him with money due to his drug habit. reminded me of a kid I knew a few years back who passed since.
He makes my place smell weird because he is always burning strange things like herbs and Myrrh on the stove. He kept a few bananas on "his" side of the kitchen with psilocybin spores in them, cut open to allow sunlight and air in. They made the apartment reek after two weeks, when I asked him to remove them (which he did reluctantly). He did something similar with a pumpkin in the oven shortly after. He keeps jars and bottles of unidentifiable fermented liquids throughout his side of the kitchen. They smell so weird. He often burns nuts and cooks weird things like yogurt. He straight up left yogurt out and continued to eat it for a couple weeks. He is always smoking the strangest smelling things. Somethings I'll admit aren't terrible, like "Godu kola," but some of it is strange shit that he cooked. My best friend recently walked in to our apt to him boiling his shirt on his frying pan.
The past couple months I haven't been getting along with him and he also tries to give me life advice and tell me how to be. I tried to get him to physically strike me because he is always telling me he could beat me up. Then I can get He's 95 lbs, 6'8. I'm 210, 6'3. I didn't plan on hurting him, in fact I was gonna call the cops, to basically receive a permission to exit my lease. No avail. 2 days ago I stopped talking to him.
Here's why I might be the A. I texted him 2 days ago and said horribly mean things. I said everything I felt, telling him his family rightfully hates him and that he'll never be anything and basically there's a reason nobody likes him. I call him crazy a lot too, and I even taunted him a few times by singing when he's trying to lecture me about how I need to change or how he demands my father's phone number to lecture my father. I have no respect for him and I show it. I tell him to shut the fuck up whenever he starts saying whining at me. I texted him, "I hate you" along with various other hateful things. I am doing these things because through his behavior and actions he has been a horrible roommate, and also speaks condescendingly to me with no reason. He is also insane.
Whatsup reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
nTXmo8APHDP2efbKatRrB3vRRIO7MLLj | altpd6 | {
"description": "not telling my wife that her brother relapsed before his death",
"pronormative_score": 55,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA For not telling my wife that her brother relapsed before his death? | Been bothering me for a long time now. Discussed this with other anons who think im terrible, others who think im doing the right thing.
My brother in law was killed in November in a mugging. Just suckerpunched and stomped to death before getting his shit stolen. He had almost no money to his name.
My BIL was a heroin addict. He was strung out on my wedding. He missed birthdays, he disappeared for days on end. He even stole several guns from my safe to pawn for money to buy drugs.
At our families pleading he went to rehab, and was supposedly clean since may all the way until his death. My wife and her family were devastated at his death, but took comfort in the fact that he beat his addiction and was himself again when he died, after decades of being a slave to needles.
She frequently posts stuff on our social media about how her brother was a hero who overcame so much adversity and finally beat the devil on his back. How he finally found peace.
The only issue is that he wasnt clean. He relapsed and was using at least a week and a half before his murder. He called me, jonesing, begging for money to buy heroin. I refused him. I didnt tell my wife because i didnt want to upset her, then a few days later he was dead.
I haven't told anyone. Im letting them keep the image they have but im also denying them the truth. Im also not telling anyone because if they catch the guy who killed my BIL i dont want them to use that against the prosecution. "Oh he was a drug addict maybe he provoked it", stuff like that.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 40,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 15,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 55,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
x577hWafeKwxM16fvrCGzNDaq7OrzcIo | a12xuo | {
"description": "refusing to vacuum around my desk",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | Aita for refusing to vacuum around my desk? | We got new carpet at work a few weeks ago and I suggested we hire cleaners fortnightly to vacuum them so they would get trashed by the abrasive dust people boot in. The manager did not go for this.
Then recently the office manager (that I suggested the cleaners to) vacuumed their and their boss' offices and when she got close to my desk I asked if they wanted me to move so they could vacuum under my desk.
OM: "no, you can do it if you want to".
I walked away frustrated.
I don't get it, is it my responsibility to vacuum at work, or is the cost of the cleaners too much and I can't see it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
GDl4xJwdXzfR9A5XHYc5qbBbvUCpgZeE | ajt80c | {
"description": "telling my single, female neighbor not to ask me for help anymore",
"pronormative_score": 67,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for telling my single, female neighbor not to ask me for help anymore? | So Im 30 years old and I have been renting a house for 6 years with my wife and we have 3 kids, a 2 and 3 year old and 1 month old. I’m a self employed fabricator/welder and work about 6 days a week, all day long. I also am a professional handy man and do all sorts of skilled labor. I have a registered business and leave cards at places all around town. I get a lot of work no problem. My wife has been on disability so I have been working more than usual to make up for lost $. I’m very busy, I have a calendar packed with jobs- people calling me constantly wanting custom metal work done and such. Often times I commute far away to warehouses and spend all day and night fabricating wheelchair ramps and railings etc- point is, I’m very busy and get very little family time let alone personal time right now.
My wife is a trooper, she is up all night with the newborn breastfeeding and healing from a c section, and then chases after 2 toddlers who don’t nap from about 6am til 8pm- being stressed with little down/personal time has caused us to have some very stressful times in our marriage. Just to give an idea how fast paced our lives are at this moment.
Anyways, our neighbor is a single woman in her late 40’s and early on she has kind of inserted herself in our lives, she got our cell phone numbers and came to hold our babies when they were born stuff like that- she also always calls/texts me for anything and everything that goes wrong w her house. I honestly have never really minded helping but it’s been 6 years and now she has moved out, lives 20 miles away and rents the property out to tenants. I guess she views me as her own personal handy man because she calls me over to hang TVs, install ceiling fans, fix leaky faucets, etc and my wife always teases me that she thinks I’m her husband and needs to get her own.
So last week she asked me to come fix her water heater. Given how busy I was i decided it was time for her to start paying for services that I charge everybody else for- but I gave her a great deal and charged her only $60 to change the thermal coupler which is what usually is wrong with water heaters that keep going out. Replacing the water heater, even under warranty would cost her hundreds maybe even a thousand more and told her that would be the next step. A few days pass and she texts me that the flame is out. I am so busy but I go over and relight it. Then it goes out again and again, and again, so the last (4th) time in about a week, she just texts me out of nowhere that it’s out again and that she is 30 minutes away heading over and to wait for her to let me in to relight it to which I reply “No, I’m working.” She then sends a very long text basically saying that she talked to some friend of hers who said I conned her out of $60 because the water heater needed to be replaced and I basically wasted her time and $ replacing the coupler and that she was disappointed in me for lying to her I guess. I replied back verbatim: “You can call any professional technician and they will suggest replacing the thermal coupler first because that is what usually causes this problem, they also would have charged you per visit to relight it for you, I’ve been working on these for years and know what I’m doing. If you feel otherwise I have no problem refunding you the $, but do not ask me for help again, it’s been a headache and my time is very valuable.”
She replies with: “You are a very disrespectful kid, I really hope you’re a better parent than that to your children, I hope they learn respect and how to be good people but with you as their parent I don’t see that happening you have a very long way, I really didn’t expect you to respond this way and no, they wouldn’t have charged me that much, and you’re a neighbor and that’s what neighbors do, they help! I was just trying to give you jobs so you can earn $ but I won’t be doing that anymore- no response is needed!”
Now, I’m really upset at her attacking my parenting because I love my kids with all my heart and I spend every moment I can with them and always teach them to respect, love and help others but I feel there is a difference being taken for granted and kindness being mistaken for weakness. I think it was super shitty for her to bring my kids into this.
I don’t think I’m wrong though, and don’t want to dignify her with a response so I didn’t reply but I’m wondering if I should have handled this differently? I don’t think it’s normal for somebody to feel entitled to a neighbor’s skilled labor for free because they’re a neighbor- obviously I don’t mind doing favors for people at all but damn, she calls me for everything. How should I handle it when I inevitably run into her again?
tl;dr Single neighbor feels entitled to my skilled labor at moments notice all the time, finally asked for money and she accuses me of conning her, offered it back and told her not to ask me for help again and she got very upset and attacked my parenting. | HISTORICAL | {
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z0cmAQhLAUiE5Ev7femenhg18D2UuYe5 | a0o1n9 | {
"description": "wanting my dad to pay rent",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting my dad to pay rent? |
\*\*Sorry for how long this ended up being. I appreciate anyone who gets through the whole thing. \*\*
Several years ago, I moved from OR to FL to take care of my father. He was a recent widow and fell into a deep depression that he would not acknowledge. His home could have easily been on Hoarders and he drank himself to sleep every night. I didn’t want to lose another parent, so I dropped everything and came to live with him. After three years he was back on his feet and was healthy again. He still drank too much, but he was more like himself and the house was back to normal. I had met my husband to-be and wanted to start our lives together. Neither of us wanted to settle down in FL so my husband and I moved to GA to be close to all our east coast family.
One year later, my dad lost his job of 24 years. That sent him back down the bottle and he went from being a functioning alcoholic to a nonfunctioning one. He blew through his savings and started pulling out his retirement funds. He peed in bottles instead of paying the water bill and flushing the toilet. A homeless man moved in with him and slept in a nest on the living room floor. There was no way to get to the second floor as every room and the stairway was filled with garbage. There was a “deer trail” between the chest-high garbage to get from the front door to the kitchen but that was the only place you could see the (filthy) floor. Oh, and did I mention the cat pee and poop scattered like little presents everywhere? Oh, and the flee, rat, and roach infestation? Sorry, it’s all coming back as I type this. They say you need to let people hit rock bottom, but I couldn’t see my dad going any lower. He’s since admitted he knows was killing himself.
I didn’t want to move back with dad. Instead, I asked him to come to GA and move in with me and my husband. He tried to say no, and that he was going to fix up the house to sell for a lot of money, but I knew that was just a dream. Eventually I cleaned out his house (it took four dumpsters and two full weeks of digging through rat poop infested garbage) and moved him in with me. I’ve spent the last couple of years getting him back to health (again). That was his only job, just focus on getting better. He hasn’t had a drink for over 12-months, he went to therapy, and has taken care of various other issues with his health. I’m proud of him. But now that he is healthy again, I want more and need to know if I’m being the asshole.
AITA #1) When I met my husband in FL he lived 2 hours away. He moved in with me and my dad for a month or two, so he could check out the area for his own place closer to me. My dad and my then-boyfriend got along so well that my husband never moved out. He lived with me and my dad for well over a year. Dad said he didn’t expect my husband to pay rent since it didn’t cost dad anything extra to have him there. I wouldn’t have that and insisted that my husband paid a fair share of rent to my dad. My husband agreed, and I collected the money each month and gave it to my dad.
Now that my dad is healthy again, I would like him to pay rent towards the house we all live in. He thinks this is unfair since he is just using the spare room and the shed for his tools that he uses to help around the house. For example, over the last two years he’s been trying to finish painting the windowsills…. They are still not done. I’d be willing to trade his handywork for rent if he did enough work to make himself a partner in this house. But he says he shouldn’t have to pay for a house he has no equity in and that he only wants to do the projects he likes, when he feels like it. He says it is wrong for us to expect him to take care of my home and anything he does is a gift. I asked him to live here, so AITA for asking him to contribute now that he’s healthy again?
AITA #2) My dad’s sister roped him into a real-estate deal that has cost my father over 80k to date. He’s spent almost all his retirement though, so he can no longer afford to pay the mortgage. He’s looking into taking a loan to cover the mortgage and to fix up the dilapidated house on the property. I’ve been in several arguments with him, begging for control to take over the sale of the property. He wants to sell it eventually but is letting my aunt try to manage the sale. I sold his home in FL for him and he was thrilled with the result ($20k more than his realtor said was possible). His sister hasn’t been able to get the property listed in over a year. As his final retirement funds drain away, I am freaking out that I will be financially and physically responsible for my father for the rest of his life. I could help by getting that other property sold and getting his investment back to him. He says he knows I can help but wants me to stay out of it. But I can’t let it go. It’s like watching an incredibly slow car accident and I want to jump in and save the people in the car. Thanksgiving turned into a screaming match over this and he said I need to mind my own business. His monetary choices affect me too, but it is his money, so maybe I’m the asshole for butting in? | HISTORICAL | {
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z8k5xUCwRD00zmCKLRBwcPBMzKlV4aOp | b2nt1u | {
"description": "being fed up with one of my friends",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being fed up with one of my friends? | I'll just cut to the chase here. So my friend group and I are all going to an aircraft mechanic school and all of us except one live together. One of them (let's call him E) thinks he's funny. He constantly makes jokes about my weight or my looks or the fact that I'm "smart"(I know, stupid). I've made a point to tell him multiple times to stop doing this and he just tells me to chill out and he was just joking. Fine. However, today we were working in the shop and when I messed up one of my projects he told me that i should drop out and change my career. I'd understand if i was constantly failing at everything we do but I'm a straight A student and almost always get an A on my shop projects, in fact I'm doing better than he is. E said that i would never succeed in this job and if i continued in this field I'd end up begging on a street corner. He did not say this like a joke, in fact his tone sounded like he was trying to do his best to insult me. So I blew up on him and told him that if I end up homeless he'll probably be in a situation far worse, and to fuck off. He didn't like that and got pissy for the rest of the day, and my friends are telling me I'm an asshole.
So I'm going to reddit for judgement now, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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5oJyFZGIWw1YQAX38G7OOGmubtmlJQcW | aab2e8 | null | AITA for this situation with my roommate? | My roommate and I share a very small room.
He goes to bed at 10 pm more or less, while I use to study at night and usually go to bed around 3 am.
He has a very light sleep and wakes up whenever I enter the room, even if I do my best not to make any noise.
If I have to use my phone in bed, even with the lowest brightness and an additional filtering app that makes text hard to read even for me, he wakes up and can't sleep because of the light, as dim as it is.
Of course he complains daily.
AITA for not going to bed earlier?
Imho, obviously, I'm not.
He accepted to share the room with another person and he can't expect me to accommodate his rhythms.
I'd understand if I ever made loud noise voluntarily, or, in general, actions that are supposed to make him wake up.
But if he suffers this condition (which I think it is, because it's not normal) I can't just disappear or sleep on the sofa. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
R8UZwhVvbohV6xVK2I3YX2au5Wb2jJPV | 9xvnx5 | {
"description": "making a Facebook post telling parents not to buy their kids live animals as presents",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I make a Facebook post telling parents not to buy their kids live animals as presents? | Hello all, so with Christmas fast approaching I’m expecting the usual round of well meaning parents to buy their kids a pet as a Christmas gift. A little background on me, I’m an animal lover and I own several exotic pets. I wouldn’t call myself an expert but I have a decent amount of experience with the animals I own.
Every Christmas I get always end up with people asking me advice on how to take care of various pets that they wanna get for their kids, and it pretty much always ends with them listening to half of what I say and then cheating out in important areas. Then in a months time I get asked if I wanna buy the pet that their kid has now lost interest in.
This year I want to nip it in the butt and basically make an admittedly ranty Facebook post about why you shouldn’t do this and how I’m not gonna swoop in and buy the neglected animal they paid too much money for at petsmart. I wouldn’t name names or anything but I’m worried about this coming across as asshole-ish to people. Most of them are coworkers I just happen to have or friends of my parents. Thanks in advance. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
x8YXaxgGPXhrroYBmbVlGeTRY4oUKKbw | axym52 | {
"description": "not caring about strangers' religious leanings",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not caring about strangers' religious leanings? | Me and my other half were watching Masterchef the other day and there was a lady with religious headwear on (apparently it was religious although this was never mentioned.) GF asked me what the lady was cooking and I said 'I think she has chosen the pork'. Cue other half calling me 'insensitive as she's clearly a Muslim and would never do that'. I said all I saw was a woman with a scarf around her head, her religious leaning didn't come in to it because I genuinely do not care enough about religion to analyse a person's dress to try and figure out if they follow a particular faith in order to have a conversation. I was then branded as ignorant.
Before I am accused of being ignorant, let me just tell you where I stand. If religion makes an individual happy, without infringing on another person's life, I have no qualms whatsoever and all the best to them! Great. But it is not for me at all. And due to the lack of common ground, it's easier if I keep out of the whole discussion of religion.
I guess the crux of this is, should the default stance be constant awareness of every religions aspects and sensitivities? Even though I personally do not enter into it? I can't say this enough, I have no disrespect whatsoever but I don't think choosing to stay out of it is ignorant.
If I decided to join a group or follow a lifestyle that had specific requirements, I would never expect non stakeholders to consider the choices I have made. It's nothing to do with them so I feel it should be the same way in reverse.
Also, wouldn't a person have to learn a whole lot about the various religious groups in order to stay un-ignorant equally of all religions? Why am I obliged? That's a lot of responsibility. | HISTORICAL | {
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3ZqI67uJqH7PJguqylI9wYdAkJqSHROO | aa4zd0 | null | AITA Dog hit by car | AITA? Our dog was hit by a car an hour ago. I am still in a daze. My mother told me not to take him out, as she already took him out. I took him out anyways, because he used the bathroom every time we went outside. He was trained to stay by our side all the time, but he saw a German Shepherd and ran towards him and was hit by a car and instantly killed. I buried him and am still in tears. He was only a year old, and I feel guilty. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
ohpaxlGaUb5NmHUrIwU7vKba3ceQS6uV | a4befo | {
"description": "blocking my ex-girlfriend from social media, even though we have nothing against each other atm",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if i block my ex-girlfriend from social media, even though we have nothing against each other atm | I was in a bit abusive relationship, she would always look through my phone and look at my messages and find something to be mad about. Even when we were not together she would look at my instagram, see who liked my pictures, see who followed me, see who i followed etc.. i always felt watched and judged all the time. So that’s mostly the reason we broke up, it was a good breakup though, no fight, we left as friends and we haven’t spoke much after that. Now though, 2 months later, i’m still feeling like she is constantly watching my instagram, even though i have no idea if she does or doesn’t. But it just makes me feel bad, and i’m thinking about blocking her on all social media. It would come off as very random to her, since it’s gone 2 months and we don’t really have anything against each other, we could call us friends. Would i be the asshole if i block her? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
1lWu2LaxwjGB7vapEyLPtDl7FY3KjUWz | b32ac1 | {
"description": "not immediately telling online contacts I'm a woman",
"pronormative_score": 58,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not immediately telling online contacts I'm a woman? | I'm 21 year old gal and play video games with voice chat, I'm in related discord servers etc etc. I'm also blessed/cursed with a voice that can easily be mistaken for a young boy and joke when asked the Professor Oak. I come clean to newer people if asked but never mention it unless related. I've considered myself a tomboy and I've been told based off text- only conversations that it is hard to tell I'm a girl based off language alone.
This recently caused a scuffle. "Derek" is a regular in an older and bigger server and apparently has never known I'm a woman. He started talking about his recently failed attempt to ask a date that could have dipped into /r/niceguys territory and asking what he did wrong. Derek didn't like the advice he got and then went off to declare girls are bad and disloyal blah blah the works.
Someone mentions me to get my attention and input. Looking at his past messages I say his attitude is why he's rejected. He asks why a kid should be in this conversation and I explain I'm a woman and that's why my perspective might be useful.
Somehow he turns this into a problem that I'm a bad and weird person for hiding the fact I'm a woman and trying to trick people into being "just friends"??? (I never deny being a girl!) I exited out and didn't think much of it.
In the time I'm gone, others joined in and more people who didn't know I'm a woman apparently agree with Derek that me not telling everyone I'm a girl is weird since having a girl present "changes" the atmosphere and people should be aware of it. I say it's bull.
I talked to IRL girl friends if they ever felt they needed to say they're a girl to their own communities and many say yes, under the context that they wouldn't be respected otherwise. I'm confused on what this means.
I don't think it's wrong to leave the fact I'm a woman out of my online identity. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 58,
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} | RIGHT |
igJBizdrYNG9PbTgiyT0Us2P7sZZY0uj | b0k0qg | {
"description": "not taking the kids to school",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not taking the kids to school | Mon-Wed I WFH, I drive kids and wife to work, then come home and start work. I skip lunch so I can then later collect kids and wife at the end of the day. Wife is off this week and on Sunday night asked if I can take the kids to school so she can have a lie in. I expressed how I felt this was unfair and reminded her I was working and she is off work and suggested she should do the school run.... we haven't spoken since. It's been 3 days. AITA for not agreeing with her and taking the kids to school ? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
NTbrNbNZypIx3czTvRSbzQgi4z5lywbk | ang20v | {
"description": "making an already stressful situation for him worse by breaking up with him",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for making an already stressful situation for him worse by breaking up with him? | Here’s a little background: we’ve been doing long distance since I met him on vacation in Europe (I’m in the US) a few months ago. Since meeting, we both have already taken turns visiting each other— I came to him around the holidays, he came after the new year— and everything was great. We made tons of amazing memories, and I was very happy.
The day that he left, we found out that his grandma was in the hospital. I asked him if he wanted to talk about it but he said no and that he wanted to enjoy his last hours with me before he left. And they were wonderful— peaceful moments, with him saying that his biggest takeaway from the trip was that he loved me more than he had thought possible. Needless to say, I swooned.
After he landed, he texted me saying that his grandma had passed while he was on the plane. He expressed frustration that despite trying to turn his life around (he’d had some interesting decisions in his life) and after taking an amazing and much needed vacation to visit me, it felt like this was a huge slap in the face. I told him to please message me or call me if there was anything I could do for him, and he said he was going to spend the rest of the day with his family so don’t expect too much from him. I told him of course, and we exchanged I love yous.
And then I didn’t hear from him for over a week.
I would message him from time to time with some things I thought were interesting or funny, and call him once every day or two to check to see if he would respond. He didn’t check any of my messages, didn’t answer any of my calls, and according to Facebook messenger (our main mode of communication) wasn’t active for about a week, and after that it registered activity a few times but he never bothered to open my messages to him. I checked in with a couple of his friends and they said they hadn’t heard from him, either. I even emailed him pleading with him to at least let me know if he’s safe.
Eventually, I got fed up with it. I was upset and I felt abandoned. I understand that losing a family member is hard and traumatic— I’ve lost two grandparents; one to cancer and one to prolonged health issues— but I was sick and tired of not being able to even know if he’s safe. In my mind, it didn’t make any sense: he had told me before that he would never disappear on me for an extended period of time, and ignoring people you love who are trying to confirm your safety just doesn’t make any sense to me.
I don’t understand how someone who loves me could decide it’s okay to not check in over the course of a week and a half, especially when it only takes thirty seconds to open up your phone and text, “Hey, I need some space, please stop calling for a bit”. In a relationship, I feel like I should be entitled to at least that much.
So I broke up with him. Except, of course, he hadn’t responded to me at all so I sent it by text (and email, just in case).
Anyway, I’ve been feeling guilty because I know it’s a stressful situation for him— he wasn’t able to be at his grandma’s side, and I know he was frustrated about it— and I don’t want to make it worse, but at the same time I don’t want to tolerate being ignored for almost two weeks by someone who says they love me. So the million dollar question is: am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 7,
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} | RIGHT |
0VijylrBjDSH6ctiCZStQT9nmtamJTFM | a5o7nj | {
"description": "telling my friend that she shouldn't get a tattoo",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling my friend that she shouldn't get a tattoo? | I just got kinda blindsided today by my friend offhandedly mentioning in front of me, my friends and my Jewish roommate (who had to leave the room) that she plans to get a swastika tattoo. She claims that because it originally meant "good luck" or something, that makes it ok for her to get it as a tattoo. We all started telling her that it wasn't ok and that she shouldn't do it, at which point she got really mad and huffed "Ok well thanks for the judgement, but it's my body and I can do what I want with it." I feel like I'm not the asshole but she sounded really upset, but also like. It's a swastika. Thoughts? | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 12,
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pfqBX5C3ae77Nu4dyIp9jC4utcT6HQmW | alkeb5 | {
"description": "losing it in my husband this weekend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for losing it in my husband this weekend? | My apologies ahead of time for the incredible length and possible bad formatting, as I’m mobile.
Some context:
This weekend (evening of 1/25-1/27), my husband’s parents came to town to visit us and my husband’s brother & fiancé (both boys live within 10min of each other, a fact that will be covered in “Additional Context”, also, the trip here is 2.5hrs one way, so not crazy far from their house). They got a hotel more or less smack between the two homes thanks to points my FIL earns due to his frequent work travel. Our home is the default place where meetups would occur, due to my BIL & future SIL’s living arrangements, and I would normally not have a single problem with this...
But this is where a kink is thrown into the mix. Sunday (1/20), I began to get a throat tickle, and by Monday night I was full blown sick (cough, sore throat, runny nose, body aches, fever, etc., etc.). My husband notifies his parents of this and they decide to come anyway, because they don’t think their hotel is refundable or reschedulable. Again, I’m fine with this, because I’ll just sit it out, right? By Wednesday (1/23), I’m so sick that I’m at my doc and getting diagnosed with raging bronchitis, and overnight it becomes so bad that I nearly go to urgent care due to my inability to breathe but thankfully was able to reach my doc to have more meds called in. Still, the parents are coming. Cool. Cool cool cool cool.
Further context:
I generally *tolerate* my MIL and my FIL is mostly silent most of the time, so, again, tolerating him is mostly doable. However, it truly is just tolerating them, because of the treatment of my husband his entire life (verbal and physical abuse til adulthood, verbal and emotional abuse continues, also she’s a narcissist who throws tantrums the likes of which I’ve never even seen toddlers throw). We lived with them briefly til just after the holidays 2017-2018, because of a “final straw” incident where the lives of all the animals in the house were put at risk due to her behavior, physical violence was threatened toward us, all of which spiraled into the single worst tantrum I’ve ever seen her throw, which was compounded by my BIL & his fiancé getting involved in the argument, calling both of us all manner of names. We moved as quickly as we had enough money and did not speak to my BIL & fiancé til thanksgiving 2018, though my husband began speaking to his mom (and occasionally his dad) maybe 6-8wks after we gtfo. Both brothers moved to the same area of town and we literally had no clue we were living so close til this past weekend.
Note:
Skip to Sunday if you’d like the majority of the action/issue.
The situation:
When they arrived Friday evening (1/25), we were told the BIL wanted to go to a particular plant based restaurant that, to me, seemed unnecessarily bougie, not to mention a good drive from the house (35min, lots of tolls). My MIL brought a bunch of food she’d made us, and while I’m helping her put it away, I tell her there’s a tea house in town I think she might enjoy (she *loves* tea), and that they have more kinds of tea than I’ve ever seen a single store/cafe carry, all of which she can also buy. She excitedly says she’d love to check it out, and I mention maybe we can do it tomorrow or Sunday if I’m feeling a little better. She enthusiastically agrees. The BIL was late arriving to our house, where we were meeting, which is common. We all had pleasant convo while waiting for him, and because I was still sick, plus I had no interest in paying stupid prices for a veggie burger, I sat this one out. BIL’s fiancé didn’t come coz she was tired. Husband comes home late that night and says he hopes I can come tomorrow. I tell him I’ll see, but it’s tough for me to *want* to spend time with people who’ve treated him so poorly, and he asks me to just tough it out.
Saturday (1/26), I woke up feeling somewhat alive, but still very hacky, sore throat, tired body, but I thought I could at least make it for a couple small things with them, so we took them to our fave local Chinese restaurant, then we went to a couple Goodwills nearby, where we found some items for my husband’s grandma, and other items, too. I needed to go to Walgreens for further meds and a photo pickup, and the in-laws were to follow, as they needed something. My BIL & fiancé did not come on this outing, as he was working and she had a food tasting class (even though this visit has been on the schedule for like 6wks). They randomly disappear on the way to Walgreens and we’re left sitting there texting MIL to figure out wtf is going on and where we’re going.
Note: I am a person who does *not* do well without plans when there’s a group of people involved. So this sudden divergence from the plan *slightly* stresses me out, plus I’m overdue for my inhaler and having trouble breathing, so I snapped at my husband about their inability to maintain a simple plan and then not pickup the phone when he calls to see what’s up, forcing us to do everything via text (which she needlessly interjects unrelated memes into, thus taking her longer to reply). My husband agrees we should go ahead and go home so I can take meds. I *did* apologize for snapping at him once I got the meds and was less stressed about the state of my breathing. By the time we got home, though, I was honestly exhausted by the small outings and was again stressed about the possibility of being expected to do more that night.
An hour or so later, we get a text that they’re at a local cafe that has vegan pies. I had *repeatedly* offered (both in person and via text) to cook a large family meal for *all* of us this particular evening, in an effort to not have to go out, but the MIL and BIL never gave me an answer on this, so hearing that they were just randomly out getting pie was surprising. Still, vegan pies!?!? I was excited and it is *very* close, so we went. There was a single vegan thing on the menu, and it wasn’t pie. So we’re sitting in this crazy busy restaurant, 5 of us (because fiancé is tired from her food tasting class and didn’t come), taking up a table so my BIL can eat the veggie burger and my FIL can eat a BLT while the rest of us sip piss poor tea (a sin in Texas). The whole time we’re there, the BIL is talking about what to do that night. He starts suggesting various bars, including a piano bar, all of which vary from 15min away to back downtown again like last night (35min plus tolls). My in-laws don’t drink at all, I drink rarely (but even now can’t due to antibiotics), and same for my husband. But the BIL keeps pushing things that are primarily booze focused. I’m starting to feel like even though he has repeatedly asked us what we all should do that he actually has all the things planned and is just trying to steer the convo to his end goal/destination/plan. I say I’m pretty tired, but maybe if we all round up back at our house, we can ask my roommate where we should go, as he goes out regularly and would surely have the best recommendations. Finally, my BIL concedes we should come back to our house. Unfortunately my roommate had gone out unexpectedly, so we couldn’t ask him where to go, plus, it had started raining a good amount. After showing him to the alcohol hutch and inviting him to partake as he wished, my BIL agreed we could and should stay in and play a game here. I convinced my in-laws to play Cards Against Humanity, which was crazy and insane but actually fun (seriously, these two senior aged conservatives played some *savage* combos!). I made some oven baked from the freezer vegan snacks for everyone a few hours later and we kept playing til about midnight or so, when I was so tired and hacky that I had to excuse myself to sleep. My in-laws were understanding and thanked me for hosting even though I was sick. It really *did* turn out to be a pleasant evening, which was surprising but welcome. My BIL stayed til almost 4a because he’d had *so much* to drink and needed to sober up, but he was able to sort of reconnect with my husband for the first time in a while. Cool.
Sunday (1/27), my husband gets a text inviting us to brunch at a local well known small chain diner. This is the *only* thing we’re told we’re doing, so I choose to go, thinking we’ll come back here after and then regroup for any additional activities OR that my husband will ride with my BIL (whose fiancé is again not there but no reason given this time) if they choose to leave from there. It’s worth mentioning that we share a vehicle, so we *had* to drive there together. During brunch, my BIL says, ‘Let’s go to Mt. Insertaname after this!’ He’s mentioned it a couple times already over the weekend, and even though I’ve lived here nearly a year, I’d never been. The Mount is a well known scenic overlook for several areas of the city and very touristy (not that the in-laws are new to the city, they’ve been here *many* times). I agree to this **one** thing while we’re eating, because I feel a little better (but nowhere near normal, still very hacky, sore throat but not as bad, and my breathing is still fucked), plus there’s a Trader Joe’s on the way home and I wanted to get a couple staples while near, since I don’t get out there much. So we pay and head out front to regroup after everyone uses the restroom, as my BIL mentions he doesn’t know if Mt. Insertaname has restrooms. We’re just about to go to our respective vehicles when my BIL mentions that he’s riding with my in-laws but he’ll just ride back with us later today. No asking, just telling us that’s what he’ll do. I go along with it, because he really *is* shockingly close to us. So we’re off on our *one* outing that I’ve agreed to.
Now, my BIL is *well aware* of my existing physical issues (total hip replacement, multiple surgeries on both hips, chronic pain that’s so bad I’m medicated | HISTORICAL | {
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KJXtduV5iq4dEzSzPk1i5wWWLzCuhSFv | a1bc1r | {
"description": "putting someones stuff in a lost and finding",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA If I put someones stuff in a lost and found? | Okay so some context real quick, this stuff is not lost.
So in my schools locker room everyone is given a locker and a lock and told to put there stuff in their locker. As the year has gone by people have been losing their locks (somehow) and the whole "use your own locker" thing has been losing popularity. When I went in I noticed that someone had put everything in to MY locker and not locked it (I assume he lost his lock). I was gonna just gonna move his stuff out my locker and go about my regular process, but that can almost guarantee that his stuff would get stolen. I decided I would just steal a seemingly unused locker for the day and get their earlier to hopefully get there before whoever is doing it, but I might not be able to do this. WIBTA If I took his stuff and put it in the lost and found of the locker room?
TL;DR: Someone is putting their stuff in my assigned locker. If I moved it to somewhere they could find it WIBTA? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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VSWSqqGQSMHwiIEEgqP4Gz5Tzpc85ATx | 9vo72s | {
"description": "tracing over and re-coloring art",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for tracing over and re-coloring art? | Am I the asshole if I take someone else's art they made and traced, re-colored it for my own personal use as a profile pic? I don't claim to own it and if asked I say who the original author is. | HISTORICAL | {
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gkhH18xLAPlGZIqg5TnOmM6orPMY8Wp2 | 9wcu12 | {
"description": "rejecting a 'friendship'",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for rejecting a ‘friendship’ | Throwaway as my friends know my real Reddit account.
So a couple weeks ago, I started dating this girl who I had a crush on for 2 years. She is considered to be part of the “popular” clique and is pretty integrated in it. I, however, have my own group of friends who are not connected in any way with the other group.
Since I started dating her, the clique has started trying to get me to be a part of their group, as it is some kind of tradition as soon as an outsider starts dating one of their group members, they join the group.
I have seen this happen to one of my good friends, and he left most of his outsider friends behind as he integrated with the clique. I do not want to be like him. My friends are possibly the best I could ask for.
I also must state that they have wanted *nothing* to do with me and some of them have even verbally bullied me before.
I politely declined their offer but they still try to get me in their group as one of their own even though I don’t like some of them. A few of them are ok and I do occasionally speak with them.
AITA for not wanting to socialise with them? | HISTORICAL | {
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nmQ2pgj7Q98vjk4ztD1qJ46SOfzrkXPL | akkuk2 | {
"description": "not asking my best friend to pay me back",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not asking my best friend to pay me back? | Dumb question but my best friend for about 6 years now has a really bad habit of not paying me back right away or “forgetting”.
I don’t really care about like 5 or 10 dollars but like when it’s more like 20 or above he seems to not ever mention it again.
The main reason I bring this up is because 2017 Comic-Con we went together and I had bought our tickets, he said he would give me cash or quick pay me his half since I would do the purchase for both tickets. So I buy both tickets and I expect him to pay me back in a week or two. He doesn’t pay me back for like 6 months.
That’s partly my fault cause I never bring it up but it’s 70 dollars. When he finally paid me back was when I was tired of waiting and asked his GF to help me ask him cause I’m not confrontational.
He gets upset that I went to her but then gives me my money and says to my face “I’m never coming to you for money again.” Or something like that with this tone of bitterness.
I was like okay. How can you be made when you OWE ME!
We forgot about it and then 2018 Comic-Con happens and I buy the tickets for us again and he said he’ll pay me back right away. (He does have a good paying job) this was back in August and he still hasn’t paid me back for the ticket.
AITA for not mentioning it to him that he owes me? | HISTORICAL | {
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G5CgP7SyLLMeTCOB81ddt4rSUlIVdzgg | arkhrg | {
"description": "not helping my siblings clean the kitchen after work",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not helping my siblings clean the kitchen after work | I have a part time job in fast food and normally work from 4:30 till 8 now when ever i get home at about 8:30 the kitchens almost definitely a big mess cause im in a large family of 9 and its always left for me and my two younger siblings 13 and 15 but they always get pissed cause i dont help out with cleaning up all the dinner mess AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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WtQGDimfKIv5qaMBJnK2YwdiXY60wLoU | a88l8w | {
"description": "wanting to leave my mentally unstable husband",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for wanting to leave my mentally unstable husband? | I could use a throwaway account but I don’t really care at this point. So here goes.
My husband has severe mental health struggles including borderline personality disorder, ptsd, depression, and anxiety. These are all formal diagnoses. I’m not a saint, and I’ve had my fair share of fuck ups and I also struggle with depression.
Over the last 3 years his mental health has greatly declined and he has ended up hospitalized more than once and spent a month in a residential treatment center. He has sought consistent help and treatment and counseling. He’s not not trying. Quite the opposite. And I do know this.
However, he isn’t getting better. And it’s just...hard. All the time. I’m exhausted. All the time. And I don’t feel like I can continue to do this. He compares my lack of ability to deal with this like someone leaving a spouse with cancer or MS. And I feel like a shitty person. But I’m also wildly unhappy. And I don’t see myself being able to be happy with someone so mentally unwell.
If it helps, I do believe he greatly downplayed his mental health struggles while we were dating/engaged/during the early years of our marriage.
So, am I the asshole for wanting to leave? | HISTORICAL | {
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n5XgXqmfcyboBxjPl7JRph9e8EuzTtuS | az94sk | {
"description": "being more direct and asking other tenets after feeling ignored about my living situation next year",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For being more direct and asking other tenets after feeling ignored about my living situation next year? | I get along with my friend. However, he has a tendency to often forgets to invite me to activities we would both like to do. This makes me question if they really are my friend. So I always ask if they really want to take part in activities. When I bring it up he often says, "oh i will invite you next time" or "my bad." However, this time he set up a 4 person suite for a dormitory hall we both attending without consulting if I would want to join. He tell me if i want to join them I should find a roommate and they can switch to a 6 person suite. I find a roommate willing to live with us.
​
He says he will ask the other roommates. However after 2 days and knowing his habits, I decide to be more direct and ask one of the roommates of the situation. My friend immediately confronts me calls me out and tells me that he was going to do an anonymous vote and gather everyone together. Before this situation, he had made no effort to do so. I understand his point that some people would feel they would hurt my feelings. I retort with the comment saying that is a bit overkill, and I feel nobody really would really have hurt feelings if they didn't unanimously vote me in.
​
He says that is a lie and that I constantly seek validation. I decided to end the conversation there and i haven't talked to him yet. | HISTORICAL | {
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SAvFNTVaY9jLUGhZB7QbdDoaczpPSsKa | awddj2 | {
"description": "kicking my daughter out",
"pronormative_score": 92,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for kicking my daughter out? | Search up my post history, I don't care. I'm at the end of my rope, she's at the end of her's and I can't do this anymore.
A week ago, my daughter (who lives with me - she is turning 30 soon) and I got into an argument regarding custody over her 3 year old son. We'll call my daughter Annie and her son Tommy. I have custody of Tommy because, at the time of his birth, Annie was on drugs. She's been sober and living with me for 2 years now. At this point, I still do not trust Annie with caring for Tommy full time/by herself considering she doesn't have enough patience/responsibility to care for a 3 year old, especially one that has a severe illness (cystic fibrosis). She still barely understands his illness (Annie asked me the other day why can't they just give him new lungs so that she doesn't have to do all of the work that goes into his care when she gets custody) and has refused to take over or even learn how to deal with all the insurance and hospital jazz.
Going back to the fight, Annie was pissed off because she thought she wanted the keys to my car. She said she had to go somewhere, but didn't specify where. I (nicely) asked here where and if she needed gas money and she just flipped out of nowhere. She threw one of Tommy's toys at the TV, cracked it, and then went on a rant about how I don't trust her and that she's a grown woman who can do whatever she wants. Mind you, almost a year ago, she crashed my car and blamed me for allowing her to use it. She also brought up how she doesn't get to be a mother to her son and blames me for them not having a good relationship.
I admit, I've got my own quirks that make me hard to deal with. I recognize that I have been a too overbearing and that I need to let her heal at her own pace, but I feel that I need to draw the line somewhere. I also said something I really regret: "Maybe you should think about caring for your kid like I have to prove to me that you're an adult." That's when she got pissed and almost attacked me before she walked out.
She was gone for 12 hours, despite knowing of a doctor's visit for Tommy I wanted her to be there for and knowing that she had to show up for work after the appointment. She comes back drunk as hell and smelling of weed. My one stipulation for her other than having a job is no drug use, legal or illegal - my daughter is very much a go big or go home type, and even though I recognize not all drug use is bad, I need her to focus on Tommy.
I told her she could come in and pack her bags. I also told her that I could take her to a shelter but she told me to fuck off and left back out; I have no clue where she is now. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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oD0ViuqDlrUoBuMYuw4d1AxRuVXh7R7s | a5q70w | {
"description": "telling a guy I won't date him",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling a guy I won't date him? | I'm a college student, nineteen years old when this happened. One day on campus, while waiting for my next class to start, a guy walks up to me. He asks if I know where the professors' offices are located for this building. I do, but it's hard to explain how to find them (there's a small staircase that's easy to miss and leads down to the basement where they're located) so I tell him that I'll just walk him over there. It's maybe a two minute walk maximum, and we make small talk about our majors.
I lead him down the stairs to the basement and he thanks me. Thinking I've done my job, I turn around to go back upstairs. But then he says "Hey, I have to be honest with you. I think you're incredibly beautiful and I asked for your help because I wanted to talk to you."
I was kind of weirded out. I don't know if he meant he made up the story about needing help just to talk to me, or if he needed help but picked me to ask because he thought I was pretty. I've literally never had a guy come onto me like this, and I don't find myself to be 'incredibly beautiful' so I'm awkwardly like "oh my god, ha ha, thanks." I start walking towards the stairs again. Then he's like, "I have to ask, do you have a boyfriend?"
At this point I'm genuinely confused. Maybe it's because I lack experience with guys and this is more normal than I think, but to be asked that after a bit of small talk and nothing else seemed weird. He never even asked for my name. Under other circumstances I may have been flattered, he seemed like an interesting guy, but the way he went about this so suddenly is what made me uncomfortable. So, I have to admit, I lied to him. I tell him I have a girlfriend. He takes it well and tells me she's very lucky to have me. I awkwardly thank him again, hoping we're truly done now.
Then he asks me for my number. This is where I think I become the asshole. I felt weird being asked out by a stranger in a secluded basement, especially when I just told him I'm seeing someone. I'm like, "Well I'm not going to date you..." He says it's fine, that he just wants it 'in case he ever needs help again.' I relent, wanting to just call this exchange done. I gave him my number. When I turn around he tells me, "bye, beautiful." I ended up going to a different area of campus to wait at.
It's been over a month, and I've never gotten a text from him. It's fine, I don't really want to talk to him again, but I'm worried I was an asshole and he just accepted my number because he didn't want to tell me he no longer wanted it.
When I tell people this story, there's two main reactions. The first being that, yeah, I might have been rude, but that this dude was creepy and didn't need to push so hard to get my number. The second being that I should have just directly told him no or given him my number without telling him that I wouldn't date him. Some people also think that me lying about having a girlfriend wasn't necessary, but I did it specifically so that he wouldn't ask me out, not thinking he would ask for my number afterwards. So... was I an asshole for no reason to a normal dude that just found me attractive? | HISTORICAL | {
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cOPjC1JHOMfzx5n2Y2NL637sO5zorZiM | b2kqs4 | {
"description": "not inviting a friend on a group vacation",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not inviting a friend on a group vacation | A group of old college friends and I are going on a short vacation by the sea. We purposefully did not tell one of the group because - whilst they're a fine person and a good friend - they're a nightmare to live with. Without going into too much detail, they're very unhygenic and extremely arrogant. If they came, it would ruin it for everyone. We agreed not to tell them about the trip but we feel mean about it. | HISTORICAL | {
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ZZasu322idcw5rlRf4XyA64FBuN7DDhm | ahxwv1 | null | AITA In this conversation asking for emotional support on Facebook messenger | So I've had a whirlwind of emotions the past few hours about this conversation and I am not sure whether or not I am in the wrong here. Some context for this conversation: I had a falling out with a mutual friend of me and my Facebook friend. My final argument between mutual friend and I that resulted in no contact happened approximately 2 months ago but our relationship had been rocky over the past 6 months over a difference in political opinion. Approximately a month and a half ago I attempted to reach out to mutual friend with an apology letter over email that did not get a response. Two days ago I sent another email along with a text saying that it was a possibility I would be leaving the state and that I would appreciate if we could talk. I received a rather confusing and hurtful email back that was a response to the first email I sent. Essentially, the friendship was over.
​
I receive this email at 10pm, write a response back that took until 3am. Now it's 3 o'clock in the morning and I am a little distressed and felt like I needed emotional support. Essentially I just wanted someone to read my letter, my mutual friend's letter, and my response to try and validate to me that I couldn't have done anything more. Additionally, I just wanted someone's opinion on what I said and whether or not I was out of line. I approached a friend on Facebook who is also friends with mutual friend. I had talked about this with Facebook friend on two separate occasions over two months to express how frustrated and sad I was about the situation. Facebook friend also expressed that she did not want to talk to mutual friend for me and wanted to try and stay out of it as much as possible.
​
I just want to know whether this conversation in general or my responses were indicative of me being an asshole, as my friend seems to claim.
​
I will let the messages speak for themselves. My messages are in blue and the messages from my friend are in white. Names of the various parties are redacted.
​
[https://docdro.id/TSAuNKS](https://docdro.id/TSAuNKS) | HISTORICAL | {
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2qzpzLJ6m7vb5oTK5UX8ni5vM8ZUFsfS | 9ywgo7 | {
"description": "not allowing my friends wife into my house and possibly causing her to OD on antidepressants",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not allowing my friends wife into my house and possibly causing her to OD on antidepressants? | Pretty long story, TL;DR at the bottom.
Alright, so a bit of backstory before we get to the main event. My friend group consists of about 10 guys, about 5 of us (including me) regularly get together to play D&D every week. One of these friends (we'll call him Bryan) is married and his wife (we'll call her Lexy) would usually tag along and sometimes make a character and join. There was no beef between anyone, including the wife, until recently.
Anyways, Bryan and Lexy have had a pretty rocky marriage: got married right out of high school before he joined the military for a bit (about 2 years before being dropped for medical reasons), their families absolutely hate each other and they have been jumping from living in one families house to the other for about a year now due to financial instability. All of this has had a noticeable effect on their relationship in public, regularly getting in petty fights during hangouts and such, and divorce is brought up on the regular. However they always end up simmering out and getting all lovey-dovey for a day or two before the fighting starts up again.
One day during pretty high tension between them where divorce was brought up again, Lexy suggests that they have an open relationship to see if they will actually be happier apart, the only established rules are that it lasts for 1 month, they have to live separate during it, and they cannot try to make relations with any friends/family.
No one else besides Bryan and Lexy knew they where doing this, the rest of this shitstorm I only have from what the people involved say happened, but I've been shown text messages from what happened so i'm pretty sure who to believe in this.
So, before Lexy got together with Bryan, she was actually dating another person in the friend group (We'll call him Zan). The first day that they got separated for their open relationship, Lexy texts Zan and asks him if he wants to get high with her and Bryan (who's of course no there now). Zan, not knowing about the whole separation thing, agrees and heads over. While there he wonders where Bryan is but Lexy assures him he's out getting food, and that they should just go ahead and start smoking. After a few minutes and the weed kicks in, Lexy starts making moves on Zan. Zan is apparently coherent enough to try and avoid provocative questions and such (though he admits he was really struggling with keeping himself in check after getting high and having a drink). This whole time however, Lexy was also sending messages to Bryan, telling him that she was busy and hanging out with someone, leading him into asking questions about whom it was, which she would reply with very vague answers. After about 30 minutes of this Bryan freaked out and went over to where Lexy was. Anyways, Bryan gets their and thankfully the situation de-escalates once he sees that Zan is the one there, though Bryan is not convinced that Zan kept his dick in his pants. After that the event becomes the talk of the rest of the friend group, whom the majority place Lexy in the wrong and we don't want her to come to hangouts anymore. Surprisingly Bryan is in defense of his wife despite seeing all of the text messages just like I have. The group ends up kinda exiling him for a while.
After a few months, everyone kinda cools down and we have a group chat with Bryan since he's wanting to start D&D again, and Lexy gives us this whole thing about how she's sorry and how she wants everything to go back to normal since we are the only friends she has. We do allow Bryan to start joining games again, but the majority of the group is still against Lexy (she's actually banned completely from 2 of the houses we play at) and doesn't want to be around her. Fast forward to a week ago, we plan on doing D&D and the location is my house, and Bryan ends up contacting me asking if Lexy could come over. At this point I have come to the conclusion that I don't have any personal beef with Lexy, so I tell him that as long as everyone else joining doesn't care than I'm fine with it. Now, the majority of the other players are not cool with Lexy joining, so I tell Bryan that I don't have any problems with Lexy, but I can't have her over since the others are not ok with her still.
We start gathering and getting ready to play, Bryan arrives, and he brought Lexy. Now everyone else is getting all upset with me because I asked them if it was ok for her to come and they said no, so now I had to go confront both Bryan and his wife outside my house and ask Lexy to leave. During the confrontation, I tell them the same thing: I'm cool with her but I'm not going to put everyone else's enjoyment on the line if they are not ok with her. She starts freaking out and getting mad and Bryan is just trying to talk me into changing everyone's mind. I stand firm and he ends up taking her home.
Now the next day comes around, Bryan messages me that he might not be able to make it to any games for a while since Lexy had overdosed on her antidepressants and cut her arms up with a razor blade and is currently in the hospital. Now i'm just here feeling like shit wondering if I fucked up and it's my fault that she did all this shit.
TL;DR: Friends wife nearly had an affair with another person in the friend group, they want everything to go back to normal, I'm cool with her but I didn't allow her to join a hangout since everyone else isn't ok with her yet, she OD's on meds and is in the hospital. I'm not sure if it's my fault or not.
| HISTORICAL | {
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MlfL5joGPQ4oIV88eKMrySWkp2XHCow6 | a7wadg | {
"description": "being terrified of my girlfriend being friends with her ex",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being terrified of my girlfriend being friends with her ex ? | Throwaway account for obvious reasons.
Me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years now. But before I came in, she dated a guy that harassed her and sexually abused her everyday for two years, and when me and her were dating he sent her dic pics at random. Early this year there was a big drama and we told the guy to fuck off.
Fast forward to today, and she befriended him again. She said nothing will happen but she'll just talk to him when I'm asleep. She said is just so she doesn't feel lonely and she won't get close to him.
I trust her with all my heart. But I don't trust the dude. My stomach really hurts and I've been feeling like puking all morning because of it and I keep feeling terrified and can't fall asleep because of the situation. Am I being just a crybaby or ? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 9,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
2TviwO1NkPSCqElv6JX2ker9ePr40Em9 | aoqnxi | {
"description": "defending my homophobic parents",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for defending my homophobic parents | Me and a friend of mine who's still in the closet (he came out to a few of his close friends very recently, he hasn't told his parents yet) were hanging out the other day. At a point in the conversation I mentioned to him that my parents would probably flip out and disown me if I was gay and came out to them.
He said that it's fucked up that they would do that. I agreed before saying that it's not their fault and it can't be help. I explained that my parents are from China and only moved here shortly before I was born, and back there homosexuality was still considered a mental illness up until around 10 years ago. Put most people in their environment and culture and it can't be helped that they would turn out to be homophobes.
Just to be clear I am not one bit defending homophobia itself, I think that it's definitely bad and will eventually be eradicated from the world as society progressed. However I do believe that there has to be a process for this and in our day and age we can't expect everyone everywhere to be so open-minded. The older generations as well as other cultures are from different times/worlds and it's not entirely their fault for believing what they believe. I believe that just because people such as my parents are homophobic doesn't mean they are shitty people. After all it's not like my parents would randomly walk up to gay people and tell them to fuck off or activity spread hate speech on the internet. They keep their homophobia to themselves and aren't bringing harm to anyone. I said that it's not right for them to be homophobic, but it's not wrong either.
My friend seemed a tiny bit upset by this and didn't say much, we then changed the topic and didn't mention this again. Looking back, I understand that I really have no idea what he's going through with his parents right now and I now realize that as a straight dude I probably was out of my place talking about something that doesn't affect me personally. So was I being insensitive by defending my homophobic parents in front of my friend? Should I apologise to him? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 4,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
Ageh7aWUHFAebXT7Y9H8bR2pVWeJt5UG | amgys1 | {
"description": "wanting to break up with my girlfriend after finding out she slept with guys in every european city she visited on her euro trip? she previously told me she only slept with 3 guys in her life",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for wanting to break up with my girlfriend after finding out she slept with guys in every European city she visited on her Euro Trip? She previously told me she only slept with 3 guys in her life. | Girlfriend and I have been together for a year now. We aren’t living together but have made plans to move in after our leases expire.
​
Her friend Alyssa was over at my apartment with her boyfriend and some other people. I was talking to Alyssa one on one and my girlfriend was in ear shot of us.
​
​
We were talking about some topic and it came to Europe and she told me that they slept with a bunch of super hot guys. It seemed that everyone tuned in then. I laughed it off and didn’t make it into a big deal.
​
We talked later and I asked her about what happened when she went to Europe. She had previously told me that she only been with three guys.
​
Long story short she and her friend when they went to Europe would sleep with a hot local guy every city.
​
It changed a lot of things about my perception of my girlfriend. She really tried to push this image on how she isn’t like other girls that sleep around. When we saw each other she didn’t even want to sleep with me for three months until we were official. And now hearing how she slept with guys hours after meeting them bugs the hell out of me.
​
Also before I felt that we were on equal footing dating experience wise. Now I’m realizing she has a ton more than I do and it makes me feel uneasy. That too and just the types of guys she went for.
​
Also it tells me there is a lot she is likely lying about too, if she lied about this. I don’t think Europe is the first place she slept around. I didn’t tell her this but it’s on my mind.
​
I don’t know it feels like for me, that she was someone that had her fun and now doesn’t want to do much now that she is in a relationship. I before just thought she was a reserved person but now it’s more like is she just reserved with me?
​
Am I the asshole for wanting to break up?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
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} | RIGHT |
4AXK1JnJcT5u4VUDOJtRUZi87ydpHgRR | ahrbgs | null | AITA bc I don't want to buy a book with gay characters? | So a friend of mine recommended some fantasy books by this author for me (18M) to read. So I look up some details on the author's most popular series (the Broken Earth trilogy) and found that there were many LGBTQ+ characters. This didn't bug me as I have read books with gay characters before such as Rick Riordan's books (in one book there is a character who literally switches between being a boy and a girl randomly) and Perks of Being a Wallflower. Afterwards, I found this quote that she said and to sum it up she said that all of her books feature her personal political views heavily. “But what I write ends up being very political. If I write about dragons, I’m writing about dragons as a black woman, and it’s fucking political.”
I brought this stuff up with my friend and she said that it was kind of true and that there was even a sex scene with two guys in it. I told her that I don't think that I want to read the series because as a straight guy I don't want to read about sex between two guys and that I don't like it when authors get political in fictional books. She said that I was being homophobic and that if the sex scene had two girls in it instead that I would be all for it. I tried to tell her that as a straight guy, reading about a sex scene between two guys and two girls weren't really comparable. I told her that I've read books with gay characters before and she said that is basically the same as someone saying "I'm not homophobic, I have gay friends."
My sister (whose gay) says that she understands that a straight person wouldn't want to read about that but that I should still buy the book and just skip the scene when it comes up. My parents say that I don't need to buy anything that I'm not 100% for. But now I feel kinda guilty and am starting to think that there is something wrong with my POV. I mean gay people watch straight romance scenes (at least my sister does) but I always skip romantic scenes with two guys whenever they show up in a show or movie. Now I'm starting to think that I'm some sort of closet homophobe.
​
So reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 40,
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} | RIGHT |
9YznY2XjfV9XBQPYNeDvGKSDO8rEkgy6 | apor8p | {
"description": "having a crush on a girl, but I make her uncomfortable",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for having a crush on a girl, but i make her uncomfortable? | So, this my first post ever on Reddit, so bear with me.
I have a crush on this girl (lets call her Emily) and we are good friends. Me being me, i am creepy in a joking way and tend to stare at her a lot. I never noticed that i was making her uncomfortable until i get a call from a friend. The 15 second convo was basically me in shock. After the call, i Dmed her on Instagram, she was taking a nap but i got impatient and spammed her a bit. When she woke up, we had a talk about how i didn't want to miss her bla bla bla sob story. After, i kinda relizsed that i am selfish for being rude and wanting her attention. And that brings me here.
TL;DM i told my crush a sob story about how i wanted her and how i am selfish
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 11
} | WRONG |
8aqmXoFDS46EvNcGMHx8lo0kK5hhHpmM | a23bw7 | {
"description": "resenting my parents",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for resenting my parents? | Hey, this post is gonna be a long one and I apologise for the fact that I'm terrible at explaining the things but here I go.
Ok, for some background, I'm 15 years old, homeschooled, raised in a devout Catholic family with 3 brothers, a sister, and my Mom and Dad. My life is basically just doing school work, farting around on my phone, and sleeping in my room, coming out my room to eat, take a bath, get a snack, or use my laptop which is kept in dinning room at all times to monitor me (my parents don't monitor my phone as well), and then going back to my room. Weekends are basically the same thing as weekdays cause often I don't get my all my work done during the week because I wasted too much time on my phone or sleeping. Not like if I actually got all my work done I'd have anything fun to do though. When I actually get to doing my work, I get consistent A grades and I'm probably gonna get a good scholarship for collage. My social skills are ridiculously bad, I get really anxious just passing by random people in Walmart and it's even worse on the rare chance I'm with people my age. In addition, I worry a lot about whether or not my family views me as an asshole because often act like a jerk and cynical.
So basically, I'm a lazy loser, and my parents know it. My dad often tells me that at my current rate I'm going to get nowhere in life and that I need to be more productive. I love him and want to make happy but the problem is he not only expects good grades, but also that I spend all my free time learning about coding, auto mechanics, and guns. And on top of that, pretty much any form of entertainment (movies, tv, surfing the web) he belittles me for doing and my Mother got him to straight up ban and destroy my video games.
Now I am more than happy to learn productive things, I know they are important and all, but I'd like to also be able to play some Minecraft, Mario, TF2, and TES from time to time. But my dad considers games to be for total losers and my mom thinks they are nothing more than addictive trash that will destroy my mind.
So this post won't be too, too long, I'll try to make this as short as possible: my parents got us a Wii years ago and heavily restricted the play time we got on it (like 45 minutes a week for each person). Everything was going fine until my older brother bought a GameCube through our grandparents without asking mom and dad. My mom got really mad at him and said that he was a gaming addict. She got REALLY mad at him when she found out he had a copy of Simpsons: Hit and Run (she really hates the Simpsons) and snapped the disk right in front of him. About two months later, she called everyone to the living room to talk about our "gaming addiction" where she put all of our games into a box and pulled them out one by one to show dad how "terrible" they were. The games we had were some LEGO games (LOTR, The Complete Saga, etc), some Star Wars games, LOTR: The Two Towers, some Mario games, a Madden game, and The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker. She looked at the back covers of every single game and ranted about how she never would approved of any of these games (We are allowed to watch LOTR and Star Wars and she bought most of Mario games for me BTW). The worst part was when she pulled out Wind Waker and called it "satanic" because it has the phrase "An evil wind is rising" on the back cover. She put it all in a Kentwood water box labeled "Wii stuff" and put the box in our utility room. Despite this, my dad allowed me to play Minecraft on my PC because I agreed to do a course on coding websites, but my Mom got him to ban it as well because one my brothers, who is autistic, threw a fit after Mom told us to stop playing and help fold the clothes. Me, being worried that she would throw our games away, asked her if was planning on it. She said *NO*. Next Wednesday, we went look in the "Wii stuff" box to find all our games gone. We asked her what happened and she told us she had thrown them away last Friday, the day she told me she wouldn't throw them away. Now the fact she had destroyed OUR games, OUR stuff, was one thing, but the fact she lied to my damn face was another thing. For the next 2-3 years, I built up a massive collection of games on Steam, going through my grandpa to buy them during sales. (What's odd is that my parents told him to stop buying us games back when we had the Wii but it seems he doesn't care tbh). In order to play them I would wait until they left the house or play them at night and often I'd lie to them to cover my ass so they wouldn't find out. But of course, my parents found out and forced me to let them change my computer's password so I couldn't log in at night. I got around this by dividing the hard drive into 2 partitions and installing a different operating system on one of them. But this week, my mom found out about it and like a jackass I tried to lie my way out but it didn't work and now she keeps it in her room at night.
So if my life wasn't pathetic enough, it gets worse. My dad started to have really bad digestive problems, and his doctor thinks he might have pankrotic cancer, and if if he does, he is pretty much dead. He is gonna have a test next Monday to see whether or not he does. My mom chewed me out this morning because she thinks I care more about video games than my dad, which really hurts because I don't. I love my dad. He works super hard to provide for us and I've been making an effort to spend more time with him. If I had to give up gaming forever in order to keep him alive for just a day longer, I would in a heartbeat.
My mom also told me something that made my heart sink even more: she kept the fact I was gaming behind everyone's backs a secret from dad because he told her that any kid of his that played video games would not receive financial support for collage, and I presume he would also kick anyone who played games out of the house as well when they became 18.
I know that it was wrong for me to lie and play games behind their back and that they love me and want what is best for me but I feel that their position on gaming is ridiculous, and my dad expecting me to not only never play any games but to also have my own fucking internet coding business at the age of 15 is even more ridiculous.
TL;DR, because I'm homeschooled and stay at home all the time, I have social anxiety and self-worth issues, and my parent's view of me being a disappointing loser addict because I like video games and don't have a website coding business even though I'm 15 really makes me resent them.
| HISTORICAL | {
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Gs45ZxDPu1ARELtjHbr4GiSOxDhzbd0x | a9ex0u | {
"description": "thinking my friend ITA for just dumping all of his online gaming friends",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for thinking my friend ITA for just dumping all of his online gaming friends? | For backstory. We have a small group of maiming friends. We aren’t streamers or anything or really that good, but we all get together for a couple hours most nights after all our kids and wives are in bed. We are all in our 30s except one single guy. We have all been playing games together for about 2-3 years on Xboxone.
This happened yesterday. A friend that has been VERY active in our circle of games made an announcement in the group chat last night that he was quitting video games. He does have life stuff going on, but his explanation was “I could be more productive”. Most of us that know him on a more personal level, know his wife is pregnant and she is unstable at best when off her medication. Something she can’t take during the pregnancy. So we assume that something happened to force this. That stems from the fact that just two days ago he was talking about the latest games and some stuff we were going to do in them.
All of a sudden he is done? I was irritated that we got little explanation. Even one of the guys who he is very good friends with didn’t know this was happening. This guy is going to be staying with him over the summer even. What bothers me the most is one of the games he and his sister host a dedicated server, so we are all just “out”.
After making his announcement, he left the group chat and won’t respond to anyone. I think we all deserve a little more than just “FU..Peace”. I know it isn’t about me and I don’t know what the real thing is here, but if he was forced to quit by an outside pressure, he will inevitably become resentful of that source. You can’t just cut out 20-30% of your lifestyle and just be ok right? Ultimately, it seems he doesn’t care about his friends enough to even give them a legitimate explanation. To me, that’s crap and I won’t be welcoming when he relapses back to gaming. He has done something similar before and I felt the same way then. It feels like a sympathy / appreciation grab. If that’s the case it’s even worse. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
HdiIZ5DwTzJyjg7N4nna21NSmRJ0iwdE | a0dd9p | {
"description": "asking for advice",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for asking for advice? | Hi all,
I just want to say everyone here can suck it. Today I was looking at different credit card accounts. I was getting overwhelmed with the vast amount of credit cards available so I thought to ask another human. This is where it gets interesting. Earlier my mom told me to wish my brother and his terrible wife a happy Thanksgiving, as you do. I sent his wife a happy Thanksgiving message first and she replies angrily that I am three days late. Fair enough, I then follow up and ask what bank she has an account with? Her reply was that she does not give out her financial information to people who message her once a year. I was then told to post here by my brother.
For some backstory, the last time we were all together, I was fat shamed by this woman the entire weekend. I remember her calling me fat over ten times clearly, the rest was a blur. This was just one instance. This woman has verbally assaulted me almost every time we are all together. What do you guys think? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
e3OtQlCgyXwpZ0d4jnmSVZTetab7uEea | b1ahf8 | {
"description": "taking a trip",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for taking a trip? | I (20f) decided to take a week long trip to Los Angeles. I used to live there for about a year and half and hadn’t been there for about 6 months. So I thought why not go for a visit while I still had the time (I start school in the spring)
I wanted to drive down there (17 hours) only for the fact that I wanted to retrieve the rest of my belongings that have been siting at a relatives house. Otherwise I would have been happy to flown. My car is still in great condition (2013 Toyota Camry 78,000 miles) so I was very confident in my car being able to take me there and back without any problems. I had saved up over a grand for the trip that was entirely funded by me and I had already payed my Airbnb ahead of time. So yes I had money for the trip not anything crazy but it was a fair amount for only a weeks long trip.
Two days before I go I visit my moms house (I live with my father who is currently stationed in Afghanistan) and she is telling me how “stupid” I am for going on this trip alone and driving there alone. Thinking she was just being bitter I shrug off everything she has said and I go anyways.
I go have the time of my life, come back even brought a friend up to stay for a couple days and she leaves. Everything is good I am in one piece my car is fine and I have all my stuff.
I go back to visit my mom today and it’s been about 5 days since I’ve been back. And she’s still bitter about the trip. But on top of her being angry I find out my brother was angry, my aunt and grandma( the relatives that I had my stuff stashed away at) , my father (who called my mother), my other aunt and uncle whom I’m close with. Everyone is calling me stupid for going on this trip and I don’t know why. I’ve been called an asshole and insensitive to their feeling.
I’m not a bad kid, yes I smoke weed and drink occasionally at parties. But I’ve never been in trouble with the law, I always pay my bills, I made sure my cat was being well taken care of while I was gone, and it’s not like a left out of the blue. I had told everyone of my upcoming trip months prior and they had said nothing to me.
So am I missing something? Did I do something wrong? | HISTORICAL | {
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6JCFuk001nRVB0B2Dy5DWmSDHH6XrA2A | ary47l | {
"description": "not wanting to spend time with my niece and nephew",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to spend time with my niece and nephew? | My older sister has a three year old and five year old. At 23 years old, I have no kids and don't plan to until after I get married within the next three years. They are constantly at my parent's house, which is where I am often as well, so I see them plenty. When it comes to doing things with them, I don't feel the urge to do so, though I love kids and can't wait to have my own. However, it's often due to whenever I feel they are misbehaving, my parents (their grandparents) always overstep me and then I'm still dealing with the original problem because "Nana says it's fine.". My days off are sporadic, and I like to do my own thing, but my parents say I'm not being a good aunt. I mean, they're not my kids, I still am sweet and love them when they're at my house, but I just don't go out of my way to do things regarding them. Am I the asshole for feeling this way? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
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} | RIGHT |
FCqYojO8dqGqmCKsh4oZL3JFAhSDwPpF | arnuqa | {
"description": "kicking my roommate out of our dorm at a summer camp",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for kicking my roommate out of our dorm at a summer camp? | So every year I go to a summer camp called So I Chior Camp, and one of the biggest things about this camp is that it's an overnight camp, and of course, we all had roommates. My roommate was a girl that I had been friends with since first grade. And for this year at chior camp, she did the following:
Jabbed me, made fun of me in front of my friends, lied to me that my friends didn't like me, got
made at me when I learned she lied about that, forced me to get changed for bed in the lobby because some girl was in our room, and scolded me for liking a singer she also liked
So here's one last bit of background info: at chior camp we hold a play at the end of the week. In one of the songs, we end it by everyone rushing towards the center of the stage. Since I'm short and a bit of an attention seeker, I always rushed to the very front of the stage. No one complained, so I thought nothing of it. Until I did get a complaint, from no one other that my roommate.
R-roomate
Me-me
R- why do you always have to be in the center of the stage for that one?
Me- because I'm short, and no one would be able to see me
R- yeah, but someone else might want to be in the center. Ever think of that?
Me- they'll just have to get there first. We're doing the number again, so I'll let them do it then
We do the dance number and everything goes fine until it's the end of the song and everyone rushes to the center
R rushes passed me at full speed, and because of this, she either tripped over her shoelaces, or she slipped, or knowing her she might of tripped on purpose. Whatever the reason, she tripped, and I got to the very center again. After this, she. Was. Pissed. She told the teacher that I tripped her because I want to be the center of attention. After this the counseloers confronted me, and gave my solo in a song to my roommate. I was having none of this, and so I ran out the building. I hid behind a bush because I knew I was in trouble after that. After about five minutes a counselor found me and asked me why I made a scene, and so I told her everything. She asked me what I wanted to do about it, and I said that I wanted her out of my room, my solo they gave her, and the solo she had (which was right after mine, so that's why that string was so easy to pull)
In the end they they gave me everything I asked for, and she hasn't spoken me since.
I'm starting to wonder if I'm the asshole. I know she was being kind of rude to me over chior camp week, but I want my friend back and she won't talk to me. I wonder if I went too far. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
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} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
Bi16o62BR7estMqWJggj6B1LJmBzqxrW | 9wkpbd | {
"description": "completely ignoring my ex",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for completely ignoring my ex | We only dated for like 2 weeks but she was really weird and I just didn’t like her so I broke up with her. She kept saying how we will be great friends in time and I just told her I don’t want to be friends anymore and I’m sorry. She’s texting me every now and then but I just don’t answer. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
jXO2oQ7m6Nqc22gmZdMlJ1SH5IowYy1F | ajugfo | {
"description": "not accommodating my friend's finances",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for not accommodating my friend's finances? | I live abroad and haven't seen one of my good friends, let's call her Jay, in about 2 years. I had plans to visit some of my family in a city not so far from Jay, and invited her to come spend a few days with me. I've never been to this city before and was really looking forward to exploring it with her once my family obligations were over. This morning, we're walking around downtown and I'm suggesting different activities and places to see to Jay, and she's not really responsive. It's like talking to a wall. So finally I asked her straight up if she wants to do anything besides walk around. She turns to me and says that she only came to the city to see me, and only budgeted a specific amount of money for this trip so she doesn't feel the need to do anything except spend time with me.
​
Now, I know that she's in a tight financial situation. I've known this for a while. I guess I just assumed that if she was able to buy a plane ticket to see me she would also have some spending money for the weekend. I'm pretty bummed now that I won't have the opportunity to see and do any of the things I had wanted to, and she's here with me for another 2 days and then we both go back to our respective cities. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
QD6BnAVZmFMSPmb48Izw4Y6Rbqxx8ctX | b5ldhg | {
"description": "putting my autistic child into care and then having another child",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 15
} | AITA for putting my autistic child into care and then having another child? | I fell pregnant at 17 and kept the baby because I was quite far along when I realised I was pregnant. Thr father didn’t want to be in his life and my family weren’t supportive. It was really hard but I coped the best I could. When he was around two he suddenly lost all communication skills, started banging his head against things, hitting himself, screaming and crying constantly, hitting me, couldn’t look me in the eye etc. He was diagnosed with autism. I didn’t have much money for all the therapies to help him, I had hardly any help from family and life became unbearable to the point I wanted to end my life. I went to a doctor and told them About how I felt. I spoke with therapists and decided that I could no longer take care of him. I felt and still feel very guilty for giving him up but I just couldn’t do it anymore.
About 7 months after giving him up I fell pregnant again. I did think about an abortion but I couldn’t go through with it. I had my baby and she’s 18 months old now and so far healthy.
My family and friends have criticised me for giving up my sick child. But I truly don’t think they understand what it’s like trying to raise a child with those Types of problems and I believe it’s better for him where he is now.
AITA for giving him up and then having another baby? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 15
} | WRONG |
9wgdESobl31s7ZieqOiAZyTjbcJ9Y8D9 | 9y5q1x | {
"description": "wanting to ban a uni acquaintance from a Discord server",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for wanting to ban a uni acquaintance from a Discord server? | So I've known this university acquaintance for 2.5 years, and we'll just name him *Kane* for simplicity. Kane was invited to my discord server that has 100+ people at the beginning of this year by a friend and at the beginning it was fine, no problems with Kane. Into second half of 2018 and that's when things start to go down hill without any realisation. Kane is developing a relationship with someone and so am I. Kane's relationship goes off well and now he's trying to help me with mine, but the thing is I never asked for his help and asked him to not tell the person I'm developing a relationship with anything about me, because I wanted things to unfold naturally. The next thing he does on that same day is tell that person a bunch of things about me that I wanted to tell them myself. So at this point I'm finding Kane very invasive of my personal life and annoying, but decided not to ban or kick him due to my personal gripe with him.
Kane has admitted hes doesn't have good social skills, he wasn't a very popular person in his schooling years according to him. But now he's a very out-going person, to the point where server members feel like that's he's being too invasive of their personal life and becomes annoying for them. He's always making jokes in the server, but most of the time they're in bad taste or they're and uncomfortable sexual jokes, we don't mind people making jokes in the server, but Kane's are just poor taste and don't fit with the context of a conversation.
Now over a month ago (almost 2 months now) Kane has broke up with their same partner about 3 times (according to Kane's words), and the partner said that Kane is a "Fucking waste of time" and "Fucking worthless piece of shit". From there, Kane went into a state of depression and server members and I tried helping him get through it, cheering him up if we could. But in the server he continued to kill the mood, bringing negative vibes into chat while we're playing games and having fun. Now he claimed he has gotten over the relationship, but continues to say that "This server is my lifeline" or "I don't what I would do without being in this server".
All of this has been continuing to build up for the past month, 4 out the 5 admins (including me) and both moderators are getting sick of his jokes and constant invasion of him trying to get into our personal lives. Other server members don't like Kane because of what he has said in regards to how he would treat animals in certain scenarios. Members have their own DnD groups and he's always trying to join every single one possible. Now not everyone in the server dislikes Kane, some people do like him and have made friends with him, which I don't find to be a bad thing. Kane tries to be a out going person, trying to make friends with absolutely everyone, but he just becomes extremely invasive of everyone. We've made a secret chat to avoid him and just have fun playing games, chatting without him interfering. Because of his distasteful jokes, I changed his nickname to Super Ultimate Walking Cringe and told him I'll change it back when he stops his distasteful jokes, but he never stopped and the name kept. Then he asks me to change his name back because it's bringing him down and makes him feel bad, but I said no. So he create an invite in a different server, left the server and rejoined through the invite he basically sent himself to reset his name.
I want to ban him for the discomfort he causes for us and server members, plus the other admins said I should be the one to ban him because I know him the most because we go to the same university course. I really do want to ban him because of how annoying I find him and still annoyed about how he tries to force himself into my life and interfered in potential relationships. The only reason I haven't banned him is because he hasn't broke any of the server rules and I feel that would be very petty of me to do so just because I find him annoying.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
dyBjGNU6j1DurYcv40F9bSPfeqslRcgK | a4d03j | {
"description": "calling out someone on their nonsense",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for calling out someone on their nonsense? | We're planning a trip. We had the whole thing planned, but before we buy the tickets the price goes up by a fair ammount. So we are deciding if we stick to the plan or see another alternative.
One chick says "I have another idea for a destination, but I'll tell you all tomorrow"
And I said "Waiting is what got us in this situation in the first place, you should just say it now"
She replies "yes, but I don't want to say it now because we have a plan and I want to stick to it"
Which makes absolutely zero sense. So I said "That makes zero sense" which apparently makes me an asshole.
I knew I could have said it in a nicer tone, but I can't stand logical inconsistencies. If she does not want to say the destination today because that's "goes against the plan", how is saying the destination tomorrow going to change that in any way? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
1RlaqlkrmjEcRLw9dSqwxjoq0hzMjMrB | b4ii97 | {
"description": "going off on my sil after she assumed I have HIV because I'm gay",
"pronormative_score": 36,
"contranormative_score": 19
} | AITA for going off on my SIL after she assumed I have HIV because I'm gay? | Throwaway because my husband uses Reddit and I don't want him seeing this.
I'm gay and have known my husband for 4 years, been married for 8 months. I'm also a nurse. On my way home I was feeling adventurous so I decided to pop in at my in-laws' to say hello. My sister-in-law and her husband was also there. They invited me in, we were talking and somehow avoided any conflict (they loathe me and think I turned their son gay, but I tolerated it because I don't have any family of my own).
The topic of mass shootings and the Orlando shooting came up and I said it's a pity I couldn't donate blood considering I was in the area and have blood type O-, meaning anyone can receive blood from me. I don't know what went through her head but my SIL said it's for the best and that you never know what's in my blood. I informed her I've been tested multiple times and STDs don't appear out of thin air to which she replied "You probably have AIDS but you don't know it".
When she said that I completely let go and laid into her about everything including how she's in denial about her brother's sexuality, how she sleeps around more than I ever did, and how if she wasn't a high school dropout maybe she'd know then how STDs spread. This led to a HUGE fight between her and her husband and I while her parents just sat there watching. I got up to leave and said I want nothing to do with them and that I was surprised my husband even talks to them at all.
And worst part is after I told my husband about this he still chose to defend them. I'm beyond mad at this point, I told him they literally don't acknowledge he's married and yet he still wants to have a relationship with them. To which he said it's none of my business and that I'm an asshole for getting between his family and him. I snapped and told him to grow a backbone. I'm staying at a friend's for the night because I can't deal with this bullshit all at once. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 36,
"EVERYBODY": 11,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 36,
"WRONG": 19
} | RIGHT |
qGJgfSPvZyq12HlDRQGdqf5fjs7bXcNo | a7a3ak | {
"description": "refusing couchsurfing service for ugly girls",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for refusing couchsurfing service for ugly girls? | Some time ago my home was quite active in some kind of [couchsurfing](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CouchSurfing) (I was not official registered member of that community), but I refused ugly girls to use my spot because of them being ugly . I accepted uggies only whent they came with prettier friends | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
2G70kt0ycVzS3xWvTtliFJKN4fm8NX3f | almmjc | null | WIBTA for not hypocritically not sharing test prep materials for the medical school admission test | I'm at a bit of a conundrum. I took the MCAT (medical school admission test) last year and did incredibly well. That isnt a testament to myself but the vast amount of study material and resources I found/made. I have given this to every single friend who is taking it and am happy to help as much as possible.
However, one person who I am not super close with but have known for years hasn't gotten anything from me. She is really nice to me and has helped in the past with previous classes (I've been told it's due to a crush). She is not like this to others. She is a toxic person who jumps on the opportunity to put down others who want to go into medicine. I know she has withheld helpful materials from people who she doesnt feel would be good doctors. One example is she intentionally didnt tell a girl in a lab she TAd that my lab had an open spot and I'd be willing to meet with her to talk about it. (This girl expressed interest after a lecture one time.) I later learned that this was due to the girl who wanted to be in the lab politely correcting the TA about something, leading to a grudge.
I dont want to help someone like this. I feel like she would take the spot from someone who genuinely cares about all people at a medical school. At the same time, how can I make that decision? It is a weird spot where I'm not sure what action is the right one. I'm not on an admissions board and I dont know her 100%, so who am I to decide who gets help or not in this process? Now I dont hold the golden ticket, but those who I helped said it was the best resource they had and after talking to her about her plan for the upcoming test, I know it will be helpful. I'm not sure if I would be an asshole for not helping or helping.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
2KtHwpoYGE1ttg1WCZKOJYP1afIoLUCS | azbvgi | {
"description": "not taking care of my sick girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 87
} | AITA for not taking care of my sick girlfriend? | So I've had the flu the past few days, and my girlfriend has taken amazing care of me. She has put up with my whining, brought everything Ive needed to me as I have been bedridden, and overall been amazing. I told her she didnt need to, and that she would certainly get sick, but she selflessly took care of me anyway.
So now my flu is tapering off, and she is beginning to show symptoms. She knows this, and even brought up how shes coughing like I was leading up to the main part of the illness.
Side note: my girlfriend has sort of an issue with alcohol. Its litterally the only negative aspect about her, and I am not fully control of my alcohol use either. But i certainly wouldnt get drunk if I knew I was coming down with the flu.
Well, last night my girlfriend texts me she went our with coworkers and its "turning into a thing." Code for shes getting drunk. I bluntly tell her I think its incredibly foolish to do so when your coming down with a flu. She says I'm a bummer, and the text message responses twindle as she continues partying.
Flash forward to today. She is incredibly sick. Smacked with a flu and a massive hangover, shes having an incredibly bad time. I helped her at first, but over the day Ive grown resentful. How hard is it to not drink? Shes had a hangover, shes had the flu, why in gods name would she want to combine them?
So I claimed I was called in for a shift. I'm really at the library, working on school assignments and making this post. I feel bad, and she took such good care of me, but i felt as though i was being very terse and passive agressive with her today (despite her illness). Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 80,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 87
} | WRONG |
iTLekTosfVKTxoBqdsu6m9Nihw6SLfFU | a6kvf7 | {
"description": "being upset with a restaurant's owner (?/f) sending free beers and popsicles to my boyfriend when he order delivery food",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA being upset with a restaurant's owner (?/F) sending free beers and popsicles to my boyfriend when he order delivery food? | Yeah, it's seems nice, but I (22F) think it's not at all. It started when the deliveryman committed a mistake delivering his plate at wrong address, so he complained to her and she said she'll send a courtesy in the next order, and in the next order she sent a beer as said. Ok.
In the third order, she sent a beer again and asked by message if the food was good and this stuff, and I found it strange, but I think I was just being boring.
Today my boyfriend said he ordered again yesterday, and something strange happened: she sent a popsicle and asked the deliveryman to say to him which he's a special client and she don't want to lose him. And worse: she did it several times and I didn't know until today.
Geez, I didn't know what to think, she clearly wanted to catch he's attention and I don't know if I ask to him to tell he have a girlfriend and stop to send messages and beers and popsicles with whatever is the pretention.
I'm wrong being jealous in this case? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
3FFRhYdRVIsNd8CK1hVtkyYKcGW4re7j | b7b9t3 | {
"description": "trying to get my roommate to give away her kitten",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for trying to get my roommate to give away her kitten? | So my (22F) roommate (21F) has a kitten that is super energetic, friendly, cute, etc. I have two older cats (1-2 and 2-3 yo).
I want her to take her cat back to her mom's house (she lived there before moving in). This is because she is never home and therefore the cat gets put in her room for days at a time without any major interaction. Additionally, her food and water are kept in the kitchen.
This all started because when she moved in, we just kinda let the cats mingle. However, her cat, because it is a kitten, wanted to rough house with my cats and mine HATED it. So now, they just fight constantly. I told her that I didn't want to be responsible if her cat got hurt so if she isn't home to supervise her cat, it needs to go in the bedroom. I also agreed that if I wasn't home, my cats would be in my room so that we aren't discriminating.
Well fast forward to now, she doesn't put her cat up, so when I come home I do. I don't want to take care of her cat, supervise it's play with my cats, or generally do anything with it because it has too much energy imo.
I have gone a full week without seeing my roommate which would be fine, even ideal, but she has a cat that I frankly feel is being neglected.
I tried nicely discussing it with her, but she kept leaving her cat out. So recently discussed it again and she just gave me a lot of grief for being concerned about her cat. Idk man.
Tldr; roommate seems to be too busy to care for her cat properly, AITA for trying to convince her to give it to her mom? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
Dcj4KcqMHgdR6JEtuY6j1zOGWElrlByT | 9towg2 | {
"description": "getting pissed at friends who chose some of their college application essay prompts at random",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for getting pissed at friends who chose some of their college application essay prompts at random? | First reddit post, so sorry in advance for any formatting gore/lack of clarity/inappropriate post length.
I'm a senior in high school, and college application season is well underway. I was recently told that a friend, we'll call her K, decided when applying to a highly regarded public university system to write essays for a random subset of the prompts provided by the application, instead of choosing the ones she could most adequately address. This was unthinkable to someone like me who, like many students in our affluent community, have spent the past four years under pressure to do all we can to get into a top university. It was tantamount to self-sabotage, but I was more amused than angry.
Eventually I message K on an online group chat asking if she actually rng'ed her essays. She says yes, because "that's the way I like to live my life." To my surprise, another friend I'll call M admits (or brags, depending on how you interpret it) that he did something similar for the same app.
I reply, mostly in jest, that the two friends "fucking disgust me," but I don't follow up with anything that would suggest I was joking. M responds by saying that it saves time to just pick at random, while K follows up by telling me that I'm entitled to my opinion but that she doesn't really care.
It's their perceived indifference that sets me off.
The ensuing argument is basically a revolving door of M continuing to rationalize their behavior ("I'm basically guaranteed to get in anyways so it's fine!"), to me civilly but forcefully explaining why I thought they were severely hurting their chances to save 10 minutes, to K telling me that I need to chill. I conclude by angrily telling them that I intended to work my ass off, and that if they wanted to skimp on something so important, it's their funeral.
I think K and M are setting an unfortunate precedent of behavior by being what I think is irresponsible, and that by hurting their applications they are effectively short-selling themselves (both are talented, qualified applicants). But on the flipside, I understand that I'm not responsible for telling other people how to apply to college, that the standards I'm held to don't necessarily apply to others, and that I may be perpetuating the culture that created these standards for me in the first place.
I was definitely the aggressor during this whole thing, but am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
Hr2UXmzHzb4lfr7oQ06MFkAGam4YVPIY | azm2vq | null | AITA if someone tells me how to take care of my rabbit? | So, the other day I posted a picture of my rabbit after his bath on r/aww. Someone in the comments told me that rabbits can never have baths because they can die from it. I already knew this and rephrased that I gave him a "rabbit bath" which is basically rubbing them with a warm damp cloth because well... The bottom of his feet were yellow and fuckin gross. They still told me I can never do that and to contact his vet about it even though he was dirty and it was in a spot he couldn't reach. I'll admit, I responded pretty rudely and got a few down votes from people, which I honestly deserved as they were just concerned about my rabbit, but I still don't appreciate someone telling me how to take care of my rabbit when I had to write a 10 page paper in order to get one (My mom's requirement for getting a new type of pet). | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
U4KzWN5EiFZXsALR6vPaaH0WTPRPM0T5 | arrw3x | {
"description": "wanting clear boundaries",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting clear boundaries? | About 10 years ago I dated a friend of mine and it was a long distance thing, but got along great. She visited, it didn't work out for various reasons. One of which was that I found out she was sleeping around and had lied about quitting several things she said she had and it just broke all trust. I don't think she even knows I know, since I never felt the need to bring it up again.
We reconnected years later and talked things out as far as our feelings about the actual breakup. Rebuilt the friendship and became good friends again. After a series of pretty shitty events on her end and a metric ton of loneliness on my end, we became closer, talking every day for hours on end and both realized we had become best friends again.
​
We tried putting the relationship back together but it's still a long distance thing, and a few weeks ago she admitted she was feeling so lonely that she wanted to consider an open relationship. I advised I'm not OK with this, and gave her an out. We could end it on a good note, still best friends and she can date and have someone since I can't be around all the time. She agreed, changed her FB status (Normally this wouldn't even matter but I see it as a clear line, clear acceptance of the situation.) and we were good.
​
She still texts me every day, just invited me to Vegas for a weekend because she "wants her best friend" with her, still vents to me about things going on...I had advised I'd be MIA this weekend because I had plans, and mid-D&D game she texts me "I love you" out of the blue, which we hadn't said to each other since she opted to end it so she could find someone. She got upset because I didn't comment on it today and I told her I was just confused because she made this choice and has since pretended like it didn't happen. This feels like a game and I'd rather not play.
​
Am I the asshole for wanting clear lines on what we are and not returning the "I love you"? I still care for her but I feel like the open relationship thing was so she could go have fun or later on down the line tell me she hooked up with someone without it being considered cheating. (She also kind of has a history of cheating when things aren't going great in a relationship which is a hell of an elephant in the room when discussing this stuff.) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
mS1NxiUxT0taGSEociKQ6WO8a8qr12FA | b1z5bp | null | AITA My Dad Uses Death As An Excuse? | So basically within the past year, there has been a lot of deaths in my family. First my grandmother from some organ failure thing, then my mother from lung cancer, and most recently my father's nephew from a drug overdose. We have been starting to fix up the house for the past few months as well and he will never finish any project he starts. First, he painted my room and left it a mess. I have a painting of a dog that is similar to mine and a shelf that was my grandmothers, that he won't help me hang back up. Now I could just hang it up myself, but I'm too short to hang it at a good-looking place. Its been two weeks since my room was painted and he still keeps saying that "Hell paint it tomorrow," but he never does. We built a fence in the summer and he keeps saying he wants to paint it but never had. Now, the worst of all, he want to merge the laundry room into the bathroom. In this bathroom, we had a few broken tiles and he replaced one of them with a white tile. That wouldn't sound so bad but, the rest of the tiles are a tan-ish yellow. So we have tan tiles with one completely white on in the middle of the bathroom and he says he's going to do that construction when he gets money but I know he won't do it. I can't tell if I'm just being insensitive about these deaths? Like, yes I miss my mom and grandmother and all but its been over a year. I've been contemplating if I've just grieved too fast or something. Am I the ass? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
bLijO1mCqmtpjF3ZgVNieKQ5SPXlPHSv | agu1kz | {
"description": "being too nice with customers",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being too nice with customers? | So I just started working at a famous Japanese restaurant and since this is my first time working (as in, holding a job position), I try to be extra nice, and I am in a way.
If a guest calls into our restaurant, we greet them, make the reservation and then ask if it's for a birthday or an anniversary. If one says it's for SO's birthday, I would say among the lines "Oh congratulations! I wish I can sing her happy birthday!".
One day, there was a patron and his child. It turned out to be the child's birthday. I start being enthusiastic about the child saying, "How old are you now?" "You'll have a nice time here!". My manager pulled me over and said that doing something like that is considered offensive to some patrons.
​
I have no problems with my managers as they are the most kind that I've dealt with.
Am I the asshole for being too nice towards patrons? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
t9peEZVj9rq1WHQRNZKfXrVt6JyoPuPR | arkoee | {
"description": "stream sniping someone who posted their twitch link in my game",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for stream sniping someone who posted their twitch link in my game | I was playing Blackout and someone posted their twitch in chat. So I did what he probably wanted people to do and went to his stream. He dropped the same place where I dropped, which was directly under where the helicopters spawn.
We land, I pick up a sniper and I watch his stream on my second monitor. I think in my brain "Haha, I have a sniper and I'm watching this dudes stream, wouldn't it be hilarious if I stream *snipe* him." So he is healing and I aim down my sights. Types in his twitch chat: Get stream SNIPED. And then I fire. He dies, watches the replay, sees my name on twitch and on BO4. Connects the dots and then gets really pissed.
"Fuck off mate, I'm gonna report you, fucking stream sniper. You know it's a bannable offense? Have fun getting banned." He goes on a rant on that I'm gonna get banned and insults me for being low level. I thought it was hilarious that he was mad at me. I didn't mind at all for him being butthurt.
I just argued that if he didn't wanna get stream sniped he should post his link in the match he is playing in. But then, am I the asshole for sniping him? I technically cheated, but he made it public that he was in my game.
My views are, I cheated, but he gave me the opportunity and it was funny as hell. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
r8MDj0oDzlPIGenEyT5hwgYXlTyE62vV | b6cv2t | {
"description": "moving to slowly at the gym",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for moving to slowly at the gym? | Earlier this week, I finished my run on the treadmill, and really pushed myself to finish my 5k walk/run faster than ever before. (Under 30 minutes this time around! I know not great, but it’s a personal record for me!) I was exhausted, but was still feeling motivated to do some weight training afterwards.
I go to the gym every Monday-Friday and arrive at 5:30am to start my workout. It is always the same people at that hour, as we are all on a schedule to workout, shower, and go to work.
This particular morning, I noticed a new face at the gym. He was a younger guy, around my age, mid 20’s. I sat on the bench to begin doing some bench presses but was also catching my breath quick and changing my playlist on my phone, so I sat for maybe 1-2 minutes before starting to lift. This guy comes up to me and stands directly in front of me. I take out my headphones and he asks “you gonna lift or no? I’m waiting to use this bench”... I reply back “yes, just catching my breath”... feeling rushed, I begin doing my bench presses. This guy does not leave. Continues to stand next to me impatiently waiting for me to finish on the bench. I cut my lifting short, wipe down the bench and the bar, and he didn’t say “thanks, sorry to rush you... “ or anything of that sort. Just stared me up and down trying to rush me.
This event has bothered me the entire week, and I am wondering if I am the asshole for taking a minute or two on the bench before I started lifting.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 24,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 25,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
fzyikbIEMZ9VmdjPPjyjPhtDsPRbZrYB | avookl | {
"description": "not loaning my brother money for his car anymore",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not loaning my brother money for his car anymore? | Going to try writing my first post as objectively as possible.Please bear with me.
Some back story: My brother is in his last year of University and has vehemently wanted to own a car for reasons that are pretty legit but I may not agree with. Some of the bigger reasons are how public transports are wasting his time(takes about an hour-ish), he can drive grab (a taxi service) to earn and pay for the car as well. Why I don't agree is because I've always felt that having a car is a luxury and where I'm from, public transport is convenient and ALOT cheaper compared to owning a car so it really is a debt to have before you even start a real job. And lots of working adults at my age can't even afford one. So letting him know my stance and advise was against his, i still trusted him enough to loan him money for a second hand car. (he wanted a first hand car initially)
Also.. a very crucial point in this AITA post. I've always felt like my mum dotes on him more than me. If i hadn't stepped in to loan him the money, she would have "loaned" him the money a 100% and she would not have expected him to pay her back. At the same time she would always be seeking help from me for her financial issue that she never fully shows me full disclosure about.
I don't have anything to gain by loaning my brother the money except the satisfaction of knowing he has to pay the money which in itself is a lesson worth learning isn't it? And also helping my mum to ease whatever financial issue that she seems to have or not have? or i guess some people just likes to scream poor.
He has failed to pay me twice and i've told him that 3rd strike he's out cause he clearly can't afford a car.
And today I happened to see a text from him on my mum's phone asking her to transfer money to him so he could pay me. I felt betrayed and upset that they were doing this behind my back. ( I already found out that she pays gas for him without letting me know).
So i confronted him with that text and told him i was disappointed in him and i could not longer loan him the money.
He replied me that exams were around the corner, he had some taxes to pay and there were big holidays during the month so he couldn't earn enough for the month's payment. And he apologized for not telling me because he was afraid I would be angry. ):
​
I was upset about the betrayal by both but hearing his apology made me wonder AITA if i were to stop loaning him the money? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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orowt6mxe5RdDIYxWOx4GHVC8ZR1Ot41 | alms9c | {
"description": "hitting my brother with a Beanie",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For Hitting My Brother With a Beanie? | My brother has been consistently giving my dog little smacks across the face with things that he grabs that belong to my brother. My dog grabs things to present them to people not to tear them up or ruin them and my brother knows this. Tonight my dog grabbed his beanie and my brother told my mom to smack him with it. Instead, I took the beanie and asked him if he wanted me to hit him with it, he nodded. I gave him a hit on top of the head (what i thought was proportional for him hitting a small dog, honestly not that hard) not on the face, and he immediately complained about how I hit him to hard and how it sucks to live here. Meanwhile, he hits my dog with stuff that my dog tries to present as a show of affection and I love on his old dog like an angel. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
88uwMpWbvXnCc2SMVOcfV2jtyMzm7zHd | 9xsybc | {
"description": "wanting my best friend of nine years to move out December 1st to DC or California",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA, I want my best friend of nine years to move out December 1st to DC or California | I am having some moral quandaries about this and decided to turn to reddit to let you judge my feelings.
My best friend of nine years (met In high school) has recently moved across the country to the east coast. She had a job lined up in DC, but wanted to visit me for "ten days maximum" before going down to DC. Within those 10 days, she found out the alleged job was a scam, and was rejected from the apartment she applied for. And so, she stayed (she moved in the weekend of July 4th). My SO and I told her to look for a job around here since so many places were looking for people to fill positions--we live near a university and the downtown area of a major metropolitan area. She has a bachelors in Sociology and work experience, but no work experience after college.
She doesn't have a car or anything like that, and also cant ride a bike, so she was hoping for position where she could WFH.
She applies to a local bank and has an Interview, but doesnt get the job.
I recommended her for nine positions at my current employer where she could work from home and the pay was 45K/year minimum, and I put in a good word with the managers only to find out that she hadn't applied. I go home that night and tell her to apply and remind her every day for two weeks. Finally, she goes and applies three weeks after my initial recommendation... and gets angry that the positions are filled. She does not apologize to me even though it damaged my reputation that I worked hard to build.
During this entire time, I do not see her do applications and ask her about them but I am given the typical "in the works" response, and that I am not respecting her privacy. I back off. She watches Netflix and hulu and complains about everything. But I dont see applications. I give her the benefit of the doubt. I do not watch her 24/7.
SO and I sit her down in September after the reputation incident, and explain that we are not made of money, and that expenses are piling up--it costs $700-$1000 a month for her to stay with us with most of that being food. Food expenses with just my SO and I were about $300/month and with her they have spiked to $700/month, and our electricity bill has doubled as well as our water/utility bills. Not to mention additional expenses if we go out for takeout, want to see a movie, or do typical couple things that she invites herself to.
I tell her that to afford her I have been working OT and 50+ hour weeks. That my SO drained his bank account feeding her. That if she makes me choose between my mortgage and her friendship I will choose my mortgage.
I also offer to help with her resume and her cover letter. I am rejected because "she is a writer and if she can't write a cover letter she isn't worth her salt."
I send her jobs to apply to. Nothing. Literally just Netflix all day except when she does dishes, sweeps, or helps with our Foster dogs (Great Pyrenees). She does help walk, pick up after them, brush and feed them when I am not home. They are usually pretty mellow, though, and I would do it, but she does beat me to the punch.
Finally told her that I can't afford for her to live here anymore because it will bankrupt me at this rate, and that if she doesnt have a serious interview pr an offer by December 1st, we will buy her a greyhound ticket to California or DC, where she has family (her choice). She seems to have no intention of moving out.
TL;DR: my best friend has been living with me for six months without contributing or offering to contribute to living expenses or rent, and has not seriously applied to jobs in this time. AITA for wanting her to move out, and buying her a greyhound ticket to get to her family in DC or California as she has nowhere to stay in our local area? I feel very bad for her, especially since she is a friend and despite this, I would like to stay friends.
Thanks. I was told this was the right place for this.
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 13,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
8Fmzartz4DZ6h70WhGOdAssriIhRdcpS | b04uze | {
"description": "hating my Ex and his new boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For Hating My Ex And His new Boyfriend. | So, this is a long story, but I'll try to keep it showed. Now my ex and I are apart since a week now. Our relationship didn't work out. He's been pondering whether we should stay together or so for a week. It really destroyed me because I loved him so much.
Now at that time I had a friend to which I used to talk as distraction or I vented to him. He was really nice until one day he started to be really sloppy and inconsiderate. Saying I should stop crying all the time (that was after a day or so). I left.
Later my boyfriend made up his mind and we broke up. I was really relieved.
But, here's the twist: My boyfriend and I shared another friend. And she told me that my ex and my other friend were together. And that my ex didn't even love me and developed a crush on him, my friend also had a crush on him and they basically started dating while I was officially still together with my boyfriend. (The doubt phase). Not only didn't they tell me, my ex's excuse was basically a lie.
AITA, or is this just unreasonable hate. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
tiA368lBhyApxAohWyRdP8BY6WEeYIGi | b69ivq | {
"description": "arguing with my girl about this I love her but when I found out bout this I was kinda felt weird",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 27
} | AITA for arguing with my girl about this I love her but when I found out bout this I was kinda felt weird | So recently I’ve found out that my girlfriend who I’ve seen dating for 5 years had a train ran on her before back in high school like she let 2 guys fuck her the same time. And ever since I’ve told her about it our relationship going downhill. In my opinion I can’t respect a girl who had a train ran on her. Am I the asshole for wanting to leave her after I found out | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 27,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 27
} | WRONG |
2iRDb30oD1AHuWHfTIAwniiKgbdd98tv | a61lny | {
"description": "refusing to rub my boyfriends feet",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for refusing to rub my boyfriends feet? | I got all my wisdom teeth pulled today. He had to work 8am-8pm; so he had a long shift and I had been sleeping all day.
He brings me home ice cream and makes me a milkshake with it. Very nice of him.
So when he puts his feet in my lap and says that his feet need to be rubbed, AITA for being upset that he would even ask?
Mind you my sore puffy gave and headache might be making me more irritable than usual. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
U229FsSXlk31Zq2S0w940bAJyHkRoP78 | anh880 | {
"description": "not wanting to engage with my roommate who annoys me to no end",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA if I don't want to engage with my roommate who annoys me to no end? | I would call myself a closeted asshole, but I try really hard to not hurt other people.
Basically, I have two roommates. We all share one dorm room. Roommate 1, A is a really good friend of mine. Roommate 2, B and I aren't as good of friends, but we have been pretty civil towards each other and have never lashed out at one another.
Roommate B has always gotten on my nerves. We really don't mash, and I would never want to live with her again. She's extremely loud, spends a lot of time complaining and asking me stupid questions; such as "Do you think I should buy a blue bracelet or a red one?", she's spineless, and she creates drama out of thin air.
There has never been hostility between roommate B and I, basically because when she's being annoying I will tell her she's being annoying and move on with my life. The other night, when I was trying to sleep, she came into our room and started making a ton of noise, slamming cabinets, and she set the microwave off once. I was pretty annoyed as I had just fallen asleep and she woke me up. She set off the microwave a second time, and I got up and said "Do you think you could be more considerate? I'm trying to sleep." She said "sorry! I'll stop!", immediately shut the light off and went straight to bed.
1. which is annoying because i wasn't asking her to go to sleep, i was asking her to not be noisy.
2. also annoying because now anytime i'm in bed, even if i'm just sitting in bed watching something on my laptop she'll ask things like "Can i keep doing my homework? Will it be too disruptive?" and I say "it's fine."
Then the next day, she cornered me as I was washing my hands in the bathroom and apologized. I said "it's fine." she said "It's not...". I was tired, had just gotten back from class at 9pm, and I said "don't do it again, and we'll be fine." and walked out.
Now, when I go into my room I just don't acknowledge her. A lot of the time, she's in my way standing around in front of my desk and I'll walk past her to get to what I need. I don't ask her to go get breakfast with me (never really did), I don't engage with her unless it's totally necessary. I wouldn't say I'm mean to her, I just don't engage with her beyond coexisting.
Anyways, now she's on roommate A's ass, constantly asking why I hate her and what she can change about herself to make me not hate her. I feel bad because she's clearly insecure and needs validation from me for some fucking reason, but I'm not planning on giving it to her anytime soon. I just don't really want any part of her, and I don't want to be her friend.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
9kketPrlVpW72DfF7m0vBNbI6tfF2of9 | 9yybz4 | {
"description": "not wanting to \"Exchange Money\" with my Sister-in-law and her husband",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITAH for not wanting to “Exchange Money” with my Sister-in-law and her husband? | A little background...
My wife’s sister is a couple years younger than her. She was in college when my wife and I met, and since then, I’ve only known her as being obsessed with image: Physically, socially, what clothes she wears (brand, in style, etc...). If that’s your jam, ok. She ended up marrying a guy who has the same stigma with image. They refuse to shop at anything other than top “name brand” stores, will not wear logo or branded clothing (even to football games at their alma matter). Everything in their life revolves around their social and physical image. They both work in education, so they don’t make a ton of money, but they apply these rules to their entire family, including their two kids. (They bought $50 Jordan’s for their infant son, as an example).
From the time, you can probably tell this annoys me, but it’s their life and their money, so they should do as they please.
Due to this, they are awful to buy presents for. 95% of what you buy is returned, or embarrassingly mocked after they open it. It is so bad, my MiL just gives them her CC number and gives them an amount they can spend and let’s them buy it, then wraps it for them to open.
As we are preparing for Christmas, my wife asked her sister what her husband wants. (We all agreed to a $30 budget to spend on each other.) She told her that he wants an UA rain jacket. We looked everywhere and the cheapest we could find was north of $50, but found a very nice Columbia jacket that fits the price range. When presenting this to her, she responded with “Ummmm... we don’t wear Columbia. How about we all just bring cash and exchange money at Christmas, then we can buy what we want.”
I won’t go into the amount of frustration I’m feeling, but I told my wife I’d rather just agree to not buy each other presents and use the money on the kids than deal with that shit.
Am I the asshole?? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 6,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
aMM9ifOp30o7I8RHOqugWk42EwU60Dp8 | anpydo | {
"description": "leaving my girlfriend to wait for her train for an hour",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for leaving my girlfriend to wait for her train for an hour? | Girlfriend’s train came at 6:40 AM @ Toronto’s Union Station (arguably the busiest part of Toronto), we arrived there at 5:40.
I said I would kiss her goodbye right outside as I didn’t want to get caught in rush hour traffic back home (I live in the suburbs north of Toronto). Huge fight ensues where she occurs me of being inconsiderate, selfish, said she’d always wait for me etc... I think she’s being a princess. AITA?
BTW, I am seeing her again later this week. Not like we are parting ways for months or something. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 4
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
6WXthNNzyKfCgBq3eeNWYda8S0MdoCQ7 | b0cf4z | {
"description": "taking my coworkers Lakers tickets",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for taking my coworkers Lakers tickets? (that is essentially what happened but obviously more to the story). | I will try to keep this short...
I work in a cubicle farm. My latest cube mate is this guy "Dave" who I just don't get along with at all. He's not a bad guy, we just have a lot of friction due to strict deadlines, not a lot of personal space and matching schedules. I am technically one level above him but I don't direct him to do stuff, but I still get the feeling he resents me for being female and making more money than he does.
Dave has season tickets to the Lakers and as far as I know he goes every home game. We work about a block away from Staples center and I know he usually just walks over after work. Yesterday he told me he couldn't use his tickets and asked if I'd like to take my boyfriend. I told him it was very nice gesture and I'd have to see if it was a possibility. He printed off the tickets and set them on a shared desk space that sits between our two desks.
So the day clicked on and honestly I didn't even think about it again. Dave had to leave early so it was like 20 minutes after the start of the game and I realized the tickets were still sitting on our shared desk space. I tried to call Dave on his phone to check to see if the tickets were still for me and went strait to voice mail. I then called my boyfriend and it turned out he was right around the corner so he parked in Dave's spot and we walked over to Staples center and enjoyed about 3/4 of the game. I figured it was over and done with.
Well I just got dragged into HR for "stealing" Dave's tickets. I explained to HR my side of the story and basically they said they had reviewed security footage and everything basically backs up my version of events and Dave didn't show up to pick up his tickets off the desk until the game had about 30 minutes left. As far as the company goes, I am going to get written up for letting my boyfriend park in Dave's spot but they aren't even recommending I pay him back.
Well for the last two days Dave has basically been spasming with anger. He hasn't said anything directly to me but he's stomping around, playing games with the noise on on his phone, he's not doing work I need him to do. Obviously he's having some sort of tantrum because of the tickets.
No matter what else happens, am I the asshole for taking them? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
k74NmU7W25xd1uQolWq4VbLeKv4hSFeU | aizxtz | {
"description": "not posting or commenting on social media posts about my so",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA when I don’t post or comment on social media posts about my SO? | So this has been going on for a little bit, and I just wanted some other opinions.
My girlfriend (18f) is one of those Instagram/Snapchat people, she is always using it and showing me stuff on there, and that’s completely fine. She posts a fair amount has almost 2.5k followers, and now a lot of her posts are about her and I. Now myself (17m) just got Instagram about a year ago, and have only made two posts (both of which were before I met her) and I don’t plan on posting anymore. I don’t feel comfortable or agree with the mindset that I feel comes along with that type of social media. I’ve been pretty anxious and antisocial most of my life (some of that probably comes from me being homeschooled and restricted friend wise) and while most of that has passed, social media still gets me. I’m not sure why, but whenever I think about even commenting on something my anxiety goes through the roof, I feel like a child, and I start heavily overthinking. With all that I let my SO know that I won’t be posting stuff/commenting, so I won’t have stuff with her and I on my wall or whatever it’s called, she said it was fine but she just asked if I would like all of her posts. And I try to do that to the best of my ability, but at this point, I don’t even have notifications on for insta, and I never look at peoples stories, or posts, just strictly messaging, so I have missed liking some of her posts.
Now to what happened, so last night my SO makes a post about how much she likes me, and I actually see this one. So I look at it and then look at the comments cause I saw a friend posted a comment (he was just making a joke saying “Yass queen you rock it” directed at me) so I decide it’d be alright if I respond to this comment with a joke, and I do. But then she ends up texting me almost immediately saying “you really comment on your friend's stuff but not mine” I didn’t think this was a big deal but I realized it’s honestly rude of me to do so I told her I wouldn’t comment on anything anymore. But that's apparently not okay either, seeing as she said “not to be a bitch but it really bothers me that I put effort into all these posts about you, and comment on anything your tagged in when you seem to completely ignore me, I want to show other people how much I love you but you don’t seem to want that” and I said “ I don’t I don’t care what other people think of the relationship between you and I, cause we are the only ones in it” we go back and forth for a little but it stayed pretty calm. But it ended with me saying, I understand that personally she likes going out and projecting our relationship, but I’m just not that person. I said, “I love you and appreciate you show care in that way, but I’m not going to put myself into something I’ve been rejecting for multiple reasons, which I think ultimately makes me feel very anxious and changes my mood for the day.”
I honestly I feel bad that she doesn’t think I show enough appreciation (although she said just over social media) because I do love her and am super proud of her and what she does, but she feels like I may be embarrassed about her. But I still feel I owe it to myself to note undo the work I put in, to restrict myself of things I see as unhealthy/would deteriorate my mental well being.
Tldr:gf posts tons of stuff about our relationship on Instagram, I don’t like social media so I do not. I make my first comment in a while as a joke to a friend and she gets upset I will comment on their stuff, not hers. She says she feels I don’t show enough appreciation over social media, and thinks I may be embarrassed by her. Still, I don’t want to put myself into the social media mindset cause I heavily disagree with many of the ways it makes people think, while it personally makes me extremely anxious. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
doGGh4z4G3OfchqNOJz3m16aFjmUDtAG | ah9d8j | {
"description": "arguing with my wife over a mattress, and in conjunction obligations to family",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for arguing with my wife over a mattress, and in conjunction obligations to family? | Usual disclaimers, really long, mobile formatting yadda yadda.
Sorry, there's more backstory to this than the title would suggest.
My wife and I have been married for 3+ years, together for 9.5. We 'officially' cohabitated about 6mo into our relationship when her lease came up. At that time, we made the choice to buy a new queen bed since my full size was too small and her bed was 15 years old and had some extra lumps. Fast forward 8 years, and we bought our first house... and immediately splurged for a nice king size bed which we have greatly enjoyed this last year.
In those intervening 8 years, we lived with my parents in an attached apartment to their farmhouse. It had a separate entrance, 4 rooms, and the only shared space was the kitchen (though we even had our own fridge). I'm an only child, and my family had some serious events go on when I was in my teens / early 20s before i met my now wife. The apartment space was something my dad and i had renovated together (and by renovated i mean ripped down to bare studs and completely rebuilt) but it was still at my parents and that was a point of contention with my now in-laws.
One of the reasons we had chosen to move in together back into this space involved then girlfriend deciding to go to grad school. While I have a decent paying job, it wasn't, and isn't, enough to support 2 adults and meet all the financial needs of student loan payments, cars, etc on top of rent. My parents let us stay rent free, just happy to have us close by and helping out in other ways.
Fast forward, and my wife is out of school, we've saved up and paid for our own wedding, then save up to buy a house. My parents are super supportive of the house buying, but sad to see us go. Dad helps renovate the new house, refinishing floors, painting, doing custom woodwork etc. We move in a bit peicemeal over a few months, but are close enough (20min) that ee don't have to rent a moving truck etc.
Now, I'm not debating that I'm an asshole for this next part... I totally own that i fucked up here. Due to work and some personal commitments, i drop the ball after we've gotten about half of our stuff out of the old apartment. My parents make comments once and a while, but NBD. Then time goes on and it's suddenly been a year since we lived there and our shit still sits in that space. For some reason, getting my wife to go help pack the rest up is impossible. I've been chipping away at the small stuff, but the bed is still there. One of the major reasons is that whilenour new master bedroom is huge, it stole that space from the second (guest) bedroom. We've measured, and while technically the queen bed would fit, it would touch 3 walls and be a bitch to put sheets on.
Now we get to the meat of it. About a month ago my dad was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer. He's started chemo and will likely be looking at a pretty significant surgery down the line if the chemo/radiation goes well. My parents approached me about the apartment and specifically bed, as the space is better insulated (remember, major renovation) and had first floor connection to their kitchen. They ask if we would be willing to move the queen bed downstairs into the old living room so that dad isn't doing stairs etc. I say I have to talk to my wife, but don't expect it to be an issue because it doesnt fit the space and we havent gotten it in the last year.
Nope. Big deal. Wife says have to have it as a guest bed. I've tried to get her to go with me to get it out the last two weekends, she has cone up with excuses not to. My parents want an answer.
As a point, as far as i know there are no weord feelings between my parents and wife. They've always been very supportive of her, and she has no issue when they come visit us.
AITA for just wanting to give it to them since we lived there rent free for so long and Dad has done so much for us in the new house?
WIBTA if i just do it since she won't help get it out even though I could get a friend to go with me to help?
| HISTORICAL | {
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klugWH76wToqv3kE9UJHYICo3MGAAZzF | b9jk9l | null | AITA: Best friend yells at me— I’m upset | First of all, sorry that is typed out on mobile. I’m pretty new to this platform but.. I really needed to get this out.
I’m a high schooler, and I have had a best friend Z who I’ve known since 1st grade.
Z is a lovely person most of the time. But they can be really moody and have a tendency to consider themselves on the moral high ground. I really love Z, but this side of them has been extremely frustrating to me for a long time. Z has always been out of romance scene at school, until they got a crush on a dude in the grade level above us (who has a girlfriend in college). Well call him A. We’ve really gotten closer over the last few months through this. Seeing them experience their first crush is honestly heartwarming. I thought this really helped them change their “holier than thou” attitude.
I discovered it did not today.
I was with Z, and our friend who I’ll call P. P is a nice person who I’ve known for a few years. They’re in the same friend circle as Z and I.
So, A, P & Z are involved in theater. We walked with P after school while they went to ask the teacher a question. While walking to the room, the topic of zodiac signs and astrology come up (which I personally love to talk about). P mentioned that they found out A was a Leo (to Z’s excitement). We walked in, and me being a sarcastic jack ass said.
Me: hey P, give his birthday, time of birth and location and I’ll know EVERYTHING there is to know about him.
P laughs, but Z looked annoyed. Then, Z went on a rant about how I have “privacy issues”. I’m “always digging through their stuff” (I snooped in their bag they brought to a swimming pool once for shits and giggles. We tease each other). They were raising their voice and the two other people in the room were looking. The teacher wasn’t paying attention. P looked very uncomfortable and was laughing awkwardly like ‘wtf..’
Also, side note. I had a really bad childhood and hate, HATE when people yell at me. I have chronic depression and unresolved issues.
She kept ranting for like two minutes, projecting... and I was too shocked to even say anything.
We left the room, I awkwardly brushed it off while P was around. Once we were alone, Z acted like nothing had happened and we were totally chill. When we got alone, I brought it up to Z.
Me: hey, Z, can you not yell at me? In front of other people?
Z: I mean.. it’s only P. It’s not a big deal
Me: I just feel really shitty when people yell at me for no reason. I didn’t do anything
Z: Yeah.. uh, sorry.
Me: It’s just shitty for me.
Z: sorry. (Didn’t sound sincere at all).
Me: it’s like.. whatever. Just please don’t do that to me again.
I honestly was beat down after that, but I carried myself in stride when we had to drive home together. I’m just really freaked out by this whole thing. Am I taking this too seriously? I’m not sure.I’m so frazzled and depressed right now. So here’s the question: am I an asshole for being so upset? | HISTORICAL | {
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AI9EOI7fFtXvV5uoErcJ4ootRTyUp2lv | apnpm8 | {
"description": "needing the toilet all the time",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for needing the toilet all the time? | I’m a 20 year old female and unfortunately have IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome). It’s a chronic condition affecting the digestive system with no known cure. As a result, I often have painful cramps, diarrhoea, back pain, and a frequent need to pee.
I understand how annoying it must be to go out with me. Planning trips around toilet stops is a necessary way of life for me, and I feel extremely anxious and guilty every time I go as everyone else has to wait. Sometimes I’m late to things because I’d suddenly urgently need the toilet at the last minute. I apologise profusely every time and always ask my friends to eat first/go ahead and do whatever our plans are first without waiting for me.
Here’s what happened- Whenever we’re out, my parents get angry at me every time I tell them I need the toilet. They will shout at me, dismiss me, act annoyed, roll their eyes, etc. Most recently, they called me “selfish”.
Selfish? Am I really selfish for something I cannot control? I was so upset that I ended crying in public as they simply ignored me.
I hate this condition. I am in pain daily but never complain to those around me. I do not ask for sympathy from my parents and only wish that they wouldn’t get angry at me for something I cannot control.
Am I the asshole for inconveniencing everyone who has wait for my toilet breaks? Perhaps they’re right, should I just stay at home and avoid going out with people?
I’m sorry if I sound overly negative in this post. I just feel like my existence is a huge inconvenience to everyone.
TL;DR: I have IBS, a chronic condition that causes painful cramps, diarrhoea, frequent urination, etc. Sick of my frequent toilet breaks whenever we’re out, my parents called me selfish. AITA for inconveniencing others with my condition? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
hFPxqVcbcPP7FholdFoZSUnHaicw52QV | a6van5 | {
"description": "not adding tip for carryout orders",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA if I do not add tip for carryout orders? | DISCLAIMER: I always tip at least 15% to servers/waiters/waitresses/bartenders/delivery drivers/etc if a service that delivers or brings food to your table is provided. I know their income depends on a smaller rate + tips, so that being said...
I never really understood when some stores and places with a carryout order have a tip amount listed when I order food for take out. I'm not really sure if I need to or it's optional.
Since I don't know the correct forum or subreddit to ask this question on, I thought I should start here to see if I have some assholeish-ness in me.
So am I the asshole for not including tip for carry-out transactions? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
VgiGYbYImIwJT1UjGAkk7h1PKJvlZR2T | a8rpuj | {
"description": "slapping my brother's face in front of his friends",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for slapping my brother's face in front of his friends? | Background: i'm 20 and my brother 15 (since i dont know how it is around the globe, the legal age is 18 here). He have a need to prove himself to his friends, like a normal teenager but more extremely. He doesn' tolerate anything he would see as "less than the best in anything" around his friends, going as far as stealing (even tho something as cheap as a chocolate bar) just to prove "he can do whatever he wants and is the coolest for that"
We were at the pool today where he and 2 other friends are trowing water at another friend. When the target (srry, dont know the word) tried to leave, they would pull him back on. Since he was laughing with them, i was only looking, but after a few minutes he started asking them to stop.
Eventually he managed to get out of the ppool but so did my brother and he started to grab the kid to push him back on (for a moment i thought they were fighting)
after a minute repeatedly asking him to stop the kid suddenly drops to the ground and with the cleanest sweep kick my brother falls too. He then mounts on the kid and gives him a neck armlock (again dont know the proprer term sry), and i rushed in to separate them.
Feeling humiliated by a 13yo kid (it was a beautifull sweep), he tried to engage again so i pushed him away. He then comes 5cm from my face and asks "what are you gonna do? You cant hit me you're 20", so i push him back and tell him that he will not hit that kid while i'm there. He tries to engage again, i push him again and he come to my face again, now saying he will make him bleed cause he was only joking and the kid took too seriously. He lifts his arms like that bane pose and ask again what am i gonna do
Now i'm a really peacefull guy, but in my mind i couldn't let a kid that wanted nothing but to get along get beaten up for something he repeatedly asked to stop (i've been trough that part) so i slap my brother in the face pretty hard, he goes to the corner (probably to cry) and aventually leaves
I'm not used to fight (even with 1sec duration), even more with a 15yo kid, so AITA here? Was i overreacting or something? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
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} | RIGHT |
Gt4mxmfKXigKlyx94TOJffMNh4xK6Kap | a356xt | {
"description": "hating my girlfriend's career choice",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for hating my (29M) girlfriend's (29F) career choice? (Or lack thereof) | I've been dating this girl for just 6 months or so and I’m having a hard time accepting her career choice, she is a preschool teacher. I know preschool teachers are greatly undervalued, and I’m part of the problem in that respect as I feel like they’re glorified babysitters.
Before I get shredded by preschool teachers, allow me to clarify my stance. I think there are folks out there who really want to make a difference in the lives of young children and choose to do so by teaching preschool. I mean no disrespect to these folks. In fact, that’s honorable as hell. They WANT to do it, and they’re willing to despite the poor paycheck.
However, that’s not my girlfriend. It was never a goal of hers to be a preschool teacher, she basically just fell into the job. She was looking for a job a few years back, before we were dating, and was referred by a friend. (Prior to that she worked as an office assistant at a dental office.) She doesn’t seem to be doing anything to advance herself in the field (how does one advance as a preschool teacher?), and although career complacency is not a deal breaker, it is something that bugs me.
More important than all of that, I’m worried about the potential future of our finances. We live in the SF Bay Area, where the low-income line is near $120k for a family for four (this is merely illustrative, we do not have kids now). I make okay money, not great, but we’d be above the line if we both made as much as I do. But my salary combined with a preschool teacher’s puts us nowhere near $120k. She’s 29 and has always lived with her parents, so I don’t believe she fully appreciates how difficult living on her own in this area will be with a $30k salary.
I like this girl and haven’t mentioned any of this to her – yet. But I really want a career-oriented woman who will make at least or closer to what I make (dual income, 50/50 partners FTW). Am I an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
YZjrnf3rizW5TmXk0eeWw8JXd5B5VoLF | ba9pdk | {
"description": "telling my friend to give away his dog",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my friend to give away his dog | Me and my friend where in his backyard when his dog walked up to him and sniffed him. The first thing he did was kick it! I got annoyed because the dog just wanted a pet. I started to tell him not to kick his dog and he told me he hates it so it’s fine and that it’s just a dog so who cares. He also told me that is how he punishes her. I tell him that’s not right. He said well there’s no way of teaching her. I asked what he meant and he said that she throws up in the house a lot( something a dog can literally not control ) and she rips things up a lot so I said train her. His answer was why I hate it anyways. So I told him that if he hates it he should give it away. He said fine the only people who like her is his sister and his mom. I said then I’ll find a place for it if there ok with it. His dad who also hates the dog and wish they did not have it got annoyed at me and told me to mind my own business. I know I could have been nicer but he kicked his dog and I see him do this all the time so I just got super annoyed. AITA for telling he that he should not have a dog? Should I have treated the situation better? Or was I right that he should not have a dog that he kicks just because “It’s a dog and it is stupid so it will not care”? I feel like I could of handled the situation better but I want to know what others think. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
9RVAutC4IiU44rCK2X88oTzXA77MLWKc | b7s9of | {
"description": "trying to stretch out my legs on an airplane",
"pronormative_score": 56,
"contranormative_score": 35
} | AITA for trying to stretch out my legs on an airplane? | I was on a 14 hour flight recently sitting in coach. I am a tall guy and my legs are long and generally flying on airplanes is an overall extremely uncomfortable experience. I try to book seats with extra leg room on long flights to such as exit seats or front row seats but there were none available when I was booking the flight. I used to only book aisle seats so I could intermittently stretch my legs out into the row but have had my knee smashed into by a cart and no longer take that approach. I would have even considered splurging on business class for such a long flight but those were all booked too.
I'm sitting in my window seat and around two hours into the flight, the lady in front of me reclines her seat back around half way. This made me moderately more uncomfortable but I was OK with this as she paid for her ticket too and should be able to recline if she wants to. About 10 minutes later, she reclines her seat all of the way back essentially pinning my legs underneath her to the point where it was impossible to move them without hitting the back of her seat. Reclining my own seat back would not give me extra leg room based on how these seats were designed. I first attempt to readjust and slip my leg underneath to the space beneath her seat but this plane's seat configuration was so cramped that I was unable to do that. Now, the readjusting of my legs to try and find a comfortable position was hitting the back of her chair. She turns around to me and says "Can you stop that?" and before I have a chance to answer lies back down, puts on her headphones and eyemask and turns around to go back to sleep.
Well, I didn't stop trying to adjust my leg as I wasn't going to be able to tolerate being in significant pain and losing leg circulation for 12 hours. After a few more minutes of this, she gets up again, turns to me and says "what are you doing? you need to stop kicking my chair". I respond to her that the seat of her back is crushing my legs and I'm trying to adjust them into a comfortable position. She literally scoffs at me, then attempts to recline her back FURTHER despite it being at max recline, and goes back to sleep.
This significantly pissed me off so I began to move my leg more vigorously and this started to really rock the back of her chair. After about five minutes of this, she reclined her seat back up and went back to sleep. She did not recline it back for the rest of the flight.
AITA?
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 53,
"EVERYBODY": 17,
"NOBODY": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 56,
"WRONG": 35
} | RIGHT |
vOayKfSLwBZf8oioW2YEN7ZVxj4q7ywK | aghnt2 | {
"description": "brutally motivating my gf's friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 21
} | AITA for brutally motivating my gf's friend? | A bit of context:
My gf's friend who I will call,, Dia,, is really obese,normally I wouldn't mind it but she became my friend aswell and it's gotten to the point where it's life threating.
I tried convincing her to keep a diet or come exercise with us (me and my gf go to the gym around 3 times a week), she kept saying that she's gonna start coming with us after the holidays pass, it's been 2 weeks and i asker her again, she made up some bs excuse and told me she s gonna start next month, at this point I'm pretty pissed because she keeps postponing it so i told her ,, Fine, your problem if you want to die from a heart attack in a few years. Stop wondering why guys find you repulsive aswell.,,
She hung up and called my gf sobbing about what a horrible human being i am. Now my gf told me to call her and say I'm sorry, which i am not at all, in my opinion it was the only way to motivate her. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 21,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 21
} | WRONG |
pnPl9WgAlSrN7my0Gq4USM8TUvsOqfFu | alhddk | {
"description": "telling my roommate that just because his family member died doesn't give him the right to be a dick",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for telling my roommate that just because his family member died doesn't give him the right to be a dick? | Ok so theres little bit of a background information that you should know so sorry in advance for the long post.
We have been living together for 2 years now and for the most part he kept to himself with his girlfriend. He would mostly stay in his room with her and they would do there own thing and smoke pot in house( I didnt care that he smoked pot but my other roommate and I are both military so we didnt want him smoking in the house.) We were never really good friends but it wasnt until about December he just stopped talking to my other roommate and myself unless it was in a supper passive aggressive statement. Sure we had disagreements like any roommate would but it wasnt until he stopped talking to me and my other roommate that I called him out. My other roommate told me that his grandmother passed away and I figured hey this must be why he's been acting that way. I tried to Express my sympathy for him and his family when he dropped off his rent check to where he basically didnt acknowledge me so when he came back later I called him out and told him that just because your grandmother died doesnt give you the right to be a prick and treat us like shit when you do speak us. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
XGHG5UKe29stxagSydim4DMEnDPftfmY | anym8b | {
"description": "telling my friend I was removing myself from our friendship",
"pronormative_score": 29,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my friend I was removing myself from our friendship | I’ve had this friend I met online about 9 years ago. We clicked immediately and became friends. We were not overly far apart (half a days drive) and for many years I’ve considered her my best friend.
Recently, her marriage has totally fallen apart - her husband was always awful, she just finally got the courage to leave with her kids. It hasn’t been easy, and her ex is really going out of his way to be awful.
I feel for her, and that’s why I’ve made myself available at all hours when she calls crying, needing to talk and vent, and helping her with her court documents and any way I can without being immediately there.
Then I broke up with my boyfriend in December. The more and more I tried to reach out to her, the more she would avoid me. She would go days without looking at her Facebook messages.
On January 15 I messaged and said I needed a yes/no answer on something within a 24 hour period.
She didn’t even look at the message until I messaged on the 28th saying I was sorry to hear her cat died. (She posted it on her timeline; she didn’t message me).
She replied with a brief thanks.
In the mean time; she’s posted a bunch of posts about how wonderful her friends are, and how she really appreciated the trip to the movies/dinner/visit with wine.
I messaged last Thursday because there was a small amount of fresh drama I had with my ex; and the reply I got was “K, you know I love you but I’ve got my own shit going on, and I haven’t got time to listen to your petty stuff.”
Ouch.
I told her okay, sorry to bother.
The next morning I wrote that I was really hurt that after I have supported her, she couldn’t muster up enough support to send me back some messages.
“Hey, I was really upset last night, and really needed the support of a friend. I really thought we were supposed to be there for each other. I think it’s time I removed myself from this friendship. I really hope things settle down for you. Good luck.”
AITA?
AITA for feeling like she “owed” me? (That’s not the right word, but like, feeling like she should have reciprocated?)
I’m autistic so don’t hold back - nuance is completely lost on me.
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 28,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 29,
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} | RIGHT |
ZQPOWSTCprJUU5mSOPw1OgoO2avIA2Ue | aug7ft | {
"description": "being hurt that my girlfriend (accidentally) made plans on the day that I move to her city",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being hurt that my girlfriend (accidentally) made plans on the day that i move to her city? | Obligatory backstory: I absolutely love this girl. I can easily see myself marrying hey some day. For almost a year we've been doing long distance and talked everyday about how I wish I was there with her. Fast forward I'm making it happen. Sold car, informed work, leaving family, driving 500+ miles to move my life so that I can be with her (and also for my own reasons as well). But this is the biggest, scariest thing I've ever done.
Well, in a few days I will be there. She accidentally made plans with her family to visit during the same weekend of me moving in. I'm hurt because even though I will see her so much after move-in day, I figured this was a climatic moment for us. We've dreamed of this. I just want her to be beside me as I am so proud and happy. For the memories.
Idk, I feel somewhat emotional. Please set me straight if I'm being unreasonable. Thanks. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
yr5RBKfU9H3E0qFZdRdfafUZRtSA4k4L | aol2x6 | {
"description": "flying without my gf because she doesn't have a valid Id",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for flying without my GF because she doesn’t have a valid ID? | My gf has an expired ID and explains she can’t get one due to a green card/birth certificate issue. When we travel, she explains she has an expired ID and they still let her fly, albeit with extra search of her person and bags. Due to this, I always press for us to get to the airport two hours early in case they take a while to search her.
We were flying to LA and I had non refundable tickets. I get through security and wait for her. I wait longer and longer to the point where she is waiting an hour and a half. The plane begins to board and then last call... I had to choose to wait, losing my ticket and then missing my car rental, or to fly without her. I choose the latter. As I am literally going down the runway, I booked her another ticket that would arrive a few hours after me and sent her confirmation via text. She was mad I left without her. I kinda felt bad but then I got to thinking.... shouldn’t she have her ID? Why do I have to pay for not only her extra ticket but mine? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
cQ1Nu4zM0bV212p6RdjwhLPwGbcz6y13 | anwdxd | null | WIBTA if my wife and I gave our cats away to live Philippines? | My wife and I have been in a dilemma of whether or not we should give our three cats away to live in the Philippines, my wife's home country. We've been wanting to for a while but are unable to because either 1. its too dangerous to fly pets overseas like that and we don't want to put them through that and 2. most airlines do not all it so its hard to find an airline who would even allow this.
Our reasoning behind this is that we want to be able to stay there for a year or two and then have saved up enough money to come back to the US and buy a home. Also my wife has been missing her home country for awhile after we came back to the US, we stayed there for a year studying in college.
We currently both work remotely and as long as there is internet and we have our computers we can work so that wouldn't be a problem.
The main issue is that we don't want to leave our cats. We've had them for almost four years now and we both feel like we'd be sad knowing we traded them for this. One we found on craigslist when he was a kitten and is a very loving cat and loves to play fetch. He'll bring his favorite toy over to either my wife or I so that we can play with him. The other one learned how to open doors some how. And lastly we have one other that has always been scared of every little thing. She has had seizures before by either being in the car or when being placed in a new home (our current apartment). Whenever anyone comes around shes always the first to go and hide somewhere and never come out.
​
TLDR: WIBTA for wanting to move to my wife's home country to save up quicker for permanent home in the US? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
bEQBprM8DtUR6PyFnwEHRB02v3LZljT4 | a9a3pn | {
"description": "not wanting to surround myself with people who show signs of depression",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to surround myself with people who show signs of depression? | For the past year, I have been doing really well in terms of pulling myself out of a long term depression. I have been creating better relationships with my family, found closure where needed, feel accomplished with certain tasks at work, and have pushed myself physically to a point of health that I thought impossible in the past. I feel like I finally have a chance to figure out my path and be happy. I want to keep pushing myself for the better and hitting new goals.
That being said, I have been meeting people recently who are enjoyable to talk to because of how we relate to things in our past. We can form a connection that is somewhat hard to come across. However, after a while of talking, I realize I am in a different spot in life than them. Where I have completely closed the dark chapters. When someone starts talking about depression or things they wish were different, I start to feel down. Maybe even annoyed. I don't feel like I can help and I do not want to get involved. I don't want to hear the negativity. I become closed off and make it seem like pushing through depression is as easy as putting in more effort.
Am I an asshole for this? Should I be making friends with people who aren't emotionally stable if I can't support them and be avaliable to them constantly?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6jsBR5A9bRjlpnwlTZMI27NArPIWGaes | b2o5za | {
"description": "getting frustrated with my sick boyfriend's constant bad mood",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting frustrated with my sick boyfriend’s constant bad mood? | So my bf and I have been together for about a month now (so it’s all very new) and more than two weeks ago he suddenly experienced super bad back pain to the point of not really being able to move. Over the span of the following weeks it was okay sometimes (we were able to go out together, he was kind of active) but it got super bad again and he was diagnosed with hernia.
We’re both students living by ourselves but because of this he stayed at his parents house for the week so they can take care of him. Ever since he has this pain and specifically after the diagnosis I was trying to be as supportive, helpful and compassionate as I could and since this weekend it was his birthday I stayed at his parents place the whole weekend, running errands for him, comforting him about his “ruined birthday”, socialising with the family when he has to lay down and rest etc. Although I really needed the time this weekend to study. I think that is normal girlfriend behaviour and a given so I don’t want it to sound like i need an award for this but I just want to clarify that I did my best.
However, ever since this back pain he’s been in a constant bad mood; short tempered, easily annoyed, not really responsive, passive... At his birthday we had dinner with his extended family and it seemed like all social energy he was able to bring up went into this and whenever it wA just the two of us he was just complaining about how exhausted, stressed and annoyed he was. We have talked about all of this he apologises for this and says he loves and appreciates me but also says he can’t change his behaviour because of the pain and being unable to leave the house.
I try not to get upset about his behaviour towards me but we’re only 1 month in and I already feel tAken for granted and is it really THAT hard to try and be nice at least a little bit Although you’re in pain?
So I guess my question is AITA for being annoyed by his mood and especially his “I can’t help it sorry love you” whilst continuing to be just not nice?
And WIBTA if I just distanced myself a little bit for now (less visits and phone calls) since it just makes me sad and feel rejected and I need to study loads anyways?
Thanks! | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
jgA1PFT8FFqwem9tFjBlAgXZTqCwj23J | awulyl | {
"description": "watching porn",
"pronormative_score": 107,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for watching porn? | For context, when my girlfriend of 3 months and I started dating she made it very clear to me and told me she wasn’t the kind of person to take nudes and send them to people (fear of them leaking). I’ve respected this boundary she set to this day and never so much as joked about her sending me a nude picture.
About a week ago she went through my phone’s search history and discovered I watched porn, to my knowledge I thought she already knew I did since I made no effort to actually try and hide that fact. Since discovering this she has been mad at for it.
I’m a horny dude, but I respect my girlfriend’s boundaries so I never ask her for nudes. Instead I watch porn to get the deed done when she’s not here. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 93,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 14,
"INFO": 6
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 107,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
aqKL3jmzr4drTWJjviz3qkmjuWX46Jk9 | abuxqw | {
"description": "being cautious of my best friend's girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being cautious of my best friend's girlfriend | My BF is 13 (so am I) and his girlfriend is 15 nearly 16 and really rich. When he started being with her, she was still with her boyfriend. She says how she's 'too pretty for him' and she should leave him. She also lives in America (he lives in UK) and could easily cheat. What really gets me is that they've decided that they'll get married and have kids + she'll live in UK and he'll move in with her by the time he's 15-16. In addition to that they also sext on video chat ALOT, I don't think this is alright and I'm very cautious because I care about him alot. Maybe it's non of my business but I'm just trying to look out for him. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
jswlRp1QhHQfXEGS2I1eHVgtSwJeBuzj | ah8kfx | {
"description": "lying about my addiction",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for lying about my addiction? | 3rd aita post of the week sorry fellas, a lots been going on, and this subreddit really seems to help me..anyways, onto the story.
so i live with my boyfriend, have been since may 2018. before i moved in, i started smoking juul (i know im so rad right?) anyway, i developed an addiction to nicotine, a severe addiction. i believe it was around october, we got into a huge fight about it, because he hates smoking/thinks its stupid, etc... i break down, and destroy both of the juules that i had.
we move on, things get better... but i am having insane nicotine cravings. we were home alone one night, everyone went out, and i decide i want to have a glass of whiskey. i suggested to him that maybe i can truly kick this habit if i have one cigarette while i drink, i dont know why i suggested that, i literally just wanted nicotine in my body. so i smoke one outside with him, i hated it! i told him no more, and we agreed to keep them in my sock drawer until we could give them to someone...
wellll... i had just one more, then another, and soon the whole pack was gone within a week, however, he had been COUNTING THEM i kid you not, this guy was counting them. when they were gone, we had a fight, blah blah blah, this same thing happened two or 3 more times in the past few months.
him and i just made up from a huge fight we had where we told each other we need to work on ourselves, and i personally have been, i have been making him lunch daily, doing laundry, cleaning, picking up after myself, being responsible, and taking more shifts at work, because i know these are all things he wants me to do and im happy to do it.
he asked me to stop smoking, even when i drink, i said ok, but i only stopped for about 2 days.
i came home from work smelling like cigarettes tonight, because i had one in the parking lot when i left, he smelled it, i lied because i didnt want to fight because he will never understand, turns out he found one of my two stashes and saw that i had taken some... we havent talked all night, now he is asleep and is going to work in 2 hours...
​
i texted him so he could see it in the morning, i apologized, yet i let him know that its my body, my decisions and he doesnt understand addiction because he has never been addicted to anything other than dr. pepper and RDR2. but my point is, he doesnt get it, and the fact that he feels like he is allowed to make decisions for me, and say "its my way or the highway" that just feels so wrong of him, almost dictator-ish. keep in mind we were both supposed to work on ourselves, and he hasnt done anything different.
​
so AITA? i am going to show him the replies, and pray it saves our relationship.
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
i0xQBlZPs0jAeQenNnXcSdlcnRQrdn2N | b4pga0 | {
"description": "wanting my boyfriend to quit drinking while I'm pregnant",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for wanting my [29F] boyfriend [28M] to quit drinking while I’m pregnant? | I found out 2 weeks ago that I’m having a baby (yay!) and stopped smoking/drinking the moment I found out. I have expressed to my boyfriend several times that it’s hard to be around him when he’s drinking, and have asked for a little bit of support for the next few months. He says there’s no reason he should give up drinking. Is it really an outrageous request? I have to give up a lot to make a healthy baby. He hasn’t sacrificed a thing... maybe it’s just my pregnancy hormones, but I’m rather annoyed with him, and don’t want to feel this stressed all the time. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
eCxMOPJwKRjVbvwQTr8t1GGdwybh8gBf | 9u7bkb | {
"description": "only giving my boyfriend anal for our 3 year anniversary",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For only giving my boyfriend anal for our 3 year anniversary? | He's never had anal before and swears it's an amazing gift but I just kinda feel bad. I wanted to get him something more but he is really hard to shop for. I already know he's getting me a real gift so I just can't shake the feeling. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
qvjKXghdaPCjmVES7dZVFqrL8eoBajX9 | aj5ct0 | null | AITA my friend always smokes my weed and eats my munch | My friend always comes over and smokes my stash and eats my munch after. I'm very generous with it. I share with everyone and anyone who wants. He has contributed to the munch one time buying mac and cheese for everyone. He has been doing this for 3 weeks now. After a week or 2 i started dropping subtle hints, recommending he bring food over before the smoke sesh. It has now gotten to the point where he comes over asking for food even when not smoking. I finally lost patience with him and when he asked for brownies (reg just munch) I said no and carried on. It wasn't about the actual food, it was about the principal that i can't keep giving him all this free stuff. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
aCkEowQ6clLmeOeaOPnxT228VbohvwWs | b643lu | {
"description": "not caring about the girl me and my boyfriend are going to have a threesome with",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 19
} | AITA for not caring about the girl me and my boyfriend are going to have a threesome with? | So when me and my boyfriend got together he had this friend, I’ll call her Stacy. He and Stacy have never met in person, they started talking through Instagram and had been FaceTiming and texting since I met him.
For him she’s just a cool person to talk to, but not someone he could see himself. When me and him got together he introduced us during one of their phone calls and me and her followed each other on insta.
She would respond to the insta stories I posted and one day said “you’re lucky y’all aren’t closer because that’s a threesome ready to happen.”
Now me and my boyfriend are sexually open and we love to play. So of course I called her on her bluff.
Push comes to shove she reroutes her travel plans to come see us before she is shipped off to the navy.
Anyway she is going to be here the first week of April and recently I was telling my boyfriend how texting her is annoying and I often take hours to respond. He responded along the lines that he dodges her calls all the time and that we both can’t ignore her because then she’ll know we only want her around so we can have sex with her. Because he knows she has a crush on him and while he has told her (through texts that I’ve seen and on the phone) that this is sex and he doesn’t want to be with her, he’s worried about the feelings she may get for me since she never mentioned coming down to him besides telling him her flight times.
But my thoughts on that is, we didn’t help pay for her plane ticket, we’re not going to pay for her food or whatever attractions she wants to do in the city. Even though we’re going to hang out, we’re not dating her and she knows this. So why should I go out of my way to care about her feelings beyond making sure that she consents to everything and she feels comfortable.
So am I the asshole for not caring wanting to text her everyday? Also am I an asshole for saying that whatever feelings she gains about us is her responsibility, especially when she doesn’t live in our state and is going away to the navy? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 19,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 19
} | WRONG |
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