id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
Cv97NmFvoWHGV3xeglVAcEoimMW6r1QV | azfpc2 | {
"description": "cutting off someone that considers me to be their best friend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I cut off someone that considers me to be their best friend? | I(23f) have been close friends with a guy(21m) for over a year. We get on well enough; 60% of our friendship is going out and drinking. We've had a few spats that have mostly been me questioning why he assumes I am responsible for him and his wellbeing (as in planning and getting him home, or cooking and cleaning for him - even in his own house). He is an only child and has a very passive outlook on life; he's used to things just happening around and for him. My role in my friend groups is always jokingly referred to as "The Mom" because I dote on people, but that TLC is always reciprocated.
My problem is that I'm starting to feel like an emotional ATM; like this dude is just using me to work through his bucket list and keep himself fulfilled and entertained. He gets upset if I don't give him enough of my time/attention, and has tried to adopt all of my friends, and speaks of them as if they are doorways into new scenes instead of human beings. I'm only just starting university, and he offered to help me strategise study plans, and got upset when I did my work instead of hanging out. He then opted to skip a lecture but couldn't go home to his folks, so he sulked and watched my TV from 10am-5pm.
An annoyance for me is that he works with an ex of mine that was very emotionally abusive, and still spreads terrible things about me. My friend's approach is to "keep the peace" which translates into them acting like I don't exist whenever they party together. I've just tried to rise above it.
The straw that broke the camel's back was yesterday; he kept pushing for me to watch Captain Marvel (so epic!) with him, even though I'm a dirt-broke student, and he said he would cover all costs. So he paid for my ticket, and I went out of my way to pay for our uber. But afterwards he kept pushing to go out, ignoring me when I said no cause I'm broke. He ended up "compromising" with me, and we grabbed a few beers. When the bill arrived, he instructed me to contribute, and I put in the last of my money. (I understand my role in consuming something and therefore paying for it; I'm not looking for handouts, and I accept my role in running myself broke).
I think I've just come to realise that this relationship is entirely one-sided, and my feelings, wants and needs don't feature on his radar. He's a kind, gentle person, but he uses people and takes no responsibility for himself. He's putting in minimal effort into his life and uni, while blaming his depression and bad home life. I've gone to great lengths to help him and be there for him, but he seems reluctant to grow or change. He considers me to be his best friend, but I'm honestly so drained; he knows he can call on me for anything, and I've come to realise I can't say the same.
Would I be the asshole for just walking away from this situation, or do I owe it to him to cut him some slack and voice my issues, in hopes he'll listen this time? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
JBzbJIbPdgJOVSDfRLUF7U9Ax5blniKz | 9wurf4 | {
"description": "being mad and ignoring my dad for days when he relapses",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being mad and ignoring my dad for days when he relapses? | My dad has been struggling with an addiction for a while now and it’s been a rocky road for sure. In the worst times he would lie through his teeth when he could barely walk and continue to lie after being sober that he didn’t do it. The whole thing has been pretty hard on my family and I can’t help but be mad that he did this and the fact he blatantly lies to me makes me not want to be around him. But at the same time I can’t give up on him because he’s family. My emotions are becoming angrier the more this happens and is resorting in me ignoring him. So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
wK4CGVR3xxQXTV4XklyLSfj7xQQ1gQUz | aphv22 | {
"description": "parking in the handicapped spot for one minute",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 38
} | AITA for parking in the handicapped spot for one minute | I was at the post office the other day and the parking lot was mostly empty. I was there for a simple pickup, so I decided to park in the spot closest to the door, which happened to be handicapped. My brother was with me that day, and when I got back he got on my case for being an asshole. I thought it was fine because there was ample parking space left, and even if there weren’t I would’ve been in and out instantly, but he said it was the principle. So AITA in this case? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 38,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 38
} | WRONG |
aCWHTJzEWoBgLd1P5Q9LDwTyK7loPDHQ | b2q3ws | {
"description": "texting someone this \"I had a dream about you last night",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for texting someone this "I had a dream about you last night.. | ...and you were very patient with me and you were Fantastic." She didn't like it. She said that.." that is inappropriate." | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
KY4jFjf9hWgEW6qEio8eOg4LjP3AcmEZ | 9we6yu | {
"description": "threatening to quit earlier than planned",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For threatening to quit earlier than planned? | I am on a one year work contract. It should end next March but I have decided for my own personal reasons that I will be leaving my work and the foreign country I am in to return home after the new year. Per my contract 3 months is required as notice. I gave 4. I was told I would be missed and would always be welcome back if I decided I wanted to return.
Here's the problem, the last day my workplace is open before closing for the new year is the 21st so that will be my last day. I was told today my salary will be prorated for the month because even though they aren't open and no one will be there I am leaving so my last day is effectively the 21st not January 1st.
This means I will be losing money by staying for December after rent and living costs etc are spent. I am considering telling them that they can either pay me for the whole month or I will leave after November and save myself from paying December rent etc. Would this make me an asshole?
I can see how they don't want to pay me for the holiday days since I am coming back but still I was a great employee and brought them a lot of business I also gave excessively long notice and worked as long as the place is open in December. Also every weekend in December is a work weekend meaning I will be working 18 of those 21 days of the month and be losing money or just barely breaking even if I am frugal doing it.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
90Aj6SybtPZICRaZ2vU74k3hLc3aytYv | aqg0tb | {
"description": "posting a picture of my ex friend talking about me behind my back online",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I post a picture of my ex friend talking about me behind my back online? | This was made NSFW because of whats in this
​
When I started off middle school, I had like 2-3 friends, including this one kid (we'll name Hayden). Hayden was really tall and I was really short. He was about 5'7-5'8 and I was 4'9-4'10 (I am a guy so short guys got made fun of a lot.) I was mainly teased for my height and sometimes even got punched and kicked. This led me to have depression during 6th grade and later having suicidal thoughts.
This was also the time me and Hayden had YouTube channels and would sometimes play Minecraft together (I know, I was cringy). We also started our YouTube channels. I had around 27 and he had about 16. He asked if I could make fake accounts to subscribe to his channel and he'd do so for me. So I did, because I was subscriber-hungry. Later, he had around 52 and i had 67. He then started making me do a lot more. He asked to make **100** accounts and subscribe to his channel. Obviously, I said no because, making accounts was hard, about 5-10 minutes each time (I am NOT wasting up to 15-20 minutes just giving this guy subs). He got mad. He called me short a lot more, sometimes during school.
He was the first one to bully me for my height and that made more people verbally and physically bully me. This was when I started being depressed. Then, he passed me by subscribers. He thought this was such a big deal to brag about it on every video I made! In my 75 subscriber special, I gained 2 subscribers during it (making it 77.) Hayden then commented "Oh, you got 2 subscribers. Well, I gained 10 on a livestream." We had another friend (we'll name him Mason) who we played online with, and he was a fairly nice guy. Anytime Hayden would say something rude or bully me, Mason would stand up for me.
He did terrible things to me. He even made a group chat and told them to tell me and my 60 year old grandmother to f--- off
Then one day, when I was asleep, he had this convo with Mason
Hayden: OP is being an a\*\*
Mason: Lol
Hayden: He is like 4ft,I'm like 6ft. He wants to fight. I told him to kill hisself (which he did)
This is what gave me suicidal thoughts. I believed this was the way everyone treated me. I thought everyone wanted me to just get erased from this Earth. This is also when I started doing the knife game (mainly with scissors and pencils but I did it once with a pocket knife and hit my pinky). Because I didn't wanna do self-harm, I did this. Luckily they were just scabs so they would be gone by like 3 months.
Luckily, my parents helped me out and even saw the Discord message about him telling me to kill myself. (I had my account on their phone) They screenshotted it and I eventually showed my teacher, who sent it to guidance. I told them about it, crying because of how hurt it made me feel. Luckily I got help.
He tried to doxx me later by saying what county i lived in.
He DID try to apologize through minecraft when i was playing with my cousin (we were bored). I did not accept it because, well, he told me to kill myself and he gave me major depression.
2 years later, I looked through my mom's old phone and found it in the screenshots. I had an idea. How about I show this on Instagram? For revenge? I still have it on my mom's phone but I'm still debating on it.
​
Tell me reddit, WIBTA if I did this? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
XF6SX2SadYeuM01rc94roSG0kng6Bwy7 | abyzzm | {
"description": "not paying a New \"friend\" to watch our Puppy",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 16
} | AITA for Not Paying a New "Friend" to Watch Our Puppy? | Backstory: My husband and I are new (by almost two years) to our area - we moved here so he could attend dental school. He goes to school full time and is an Italian immigrant (relevant). Shortly after moving, we met a woman (50s) in our church who is also originally from Italy and she was delighted to meet, talk and associate with another Italian. She invited us over for dinner twice as she is quite proud of her cooking and hosting. She seemed very friendly and also a bit lonely as she only has one son in college, with whom she is not close, and she has mentioned that she feels the other ladies in the church do not welcome her. The last time we went over, she talked a lot about her dog who is like a child to her - in fact, she spoils him by making him a hot cooked meal of human food every night. She also had a friend over with his dog and so we mentioned our own small puppy. She expressed disappointment that she hadn't told us to bring him and our puppy didn't socialize with the other dogs. She said her dog gets lonely and she would love for the two to have playdates.
​
A few weeks later we needed to find a sitter for our dog over the weekend before Christmas. For previous trips, we had once asked another family in the church (whose kids loved our dog) and another time a classmate of my husband's - both who watched our puppy for free. However, this time we thought of her, especially with her love of dogs, we thought she would enjoy having extra company over the holidays. When we asked her she seemed enthusiastic and said yes. We coordinated a time to drop him off (and provided all his food, crate, leash) and pick him up 5 days later. When we picked him up, she said everything had gone fine, he's house-trained so no accidents, she just said he was more energy than she was used to.
​
Then one week later she messaged my husband saying she "didn't think she would have to do this" but telling us we owed her $200 and she would accept payment either by Amazon/Whole Foods gift card, or email. We were shocked. Maybe we were naive but the previous sitters had watched our puppy for free as a favor and we knew them much less well. My husband asked why she expected payment and also hadn't mentioned it earlier. She said that it was obvious that pay would be expected from the work she did and that she had other friends whose pets she had watched and they paid her. For her, a friendly favor is taking out your dog once if you are late coming home and it "did not cross her mind" that we would ask this for free.
​
Ultimately we told her sorry, we would not pay her as we have previously left our puppy with other friends for free and that was our expectation. She said she was "disgusted" by our behavior, that she thought we were "different people" and we should be "ashamed". But, she never mentioned payment \*at any time\* when we were coordinating details, not when we originally asked her, not when we dropped off the pup, and not even when we picked him up and we feel a little manipulated that after the fact she is now demanding this high price, especially as this sort of expense does vary quite a bit. As I mentioned before, my husband is a debt-ridden dental \*student\* so we are a little taken aback that she thought our first choice was to drop $200 for dog-sitting without discussing prices beforehand. Honestly, if she had messaged us saying that she thought there would be some compensation and left the price open, we wouldn't mind sending her $70 for her trouble but her first message demanded compensation and even payment details! So AITA for refusing to pay her?? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 10,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 16
} | WRONG |
4dhtZB2sbAPHoINRg85oCYvM4NrbZMGi | aanajl | {
"description": "telling a complete stranger that someone is posting explicit stories about him and his students online",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I told a complete stranger that someone is posting explicit stories about him and his students online? | I read stories on Archive of Our Own. For those of you who don't know about this website, it's basically a repository for fan-created content, mostly of an explicit nature. Now there's a subset of content on this website that is about real people, but this is usually limited to celebrities.
I came across this particular story because one of the writers I follow bookmarked it. Basically, the story is about a high school teacher Mr. John Doe, who has dub-con sex with his teenage students Adam Jones, Bill Green, and Carl Smith (names changed for privacy, btw). It was posted in 2017, and last updated a year ago. In their notes, the author says that the story is a fantasy about one of their teachers and the other boys at their school. They claim not to have used their real names in the story.
The thing is, the names used in the story were quite unusual, and out of curiosity I did some light digging on Facebook. Turns out that there's a John Doe who's a teacher at Anytown High School. And what do you know, Adam Jones, Bill Green, and Carl Smith all happen to be past/present students at Anytown.
WIBTA if I sent an anonymous email to John Doe about this? Normally I would not get involved, but John Doe is a high school teacher. Googling his name puts the tag for this very explicit story as the top result. Considering his line of work, this is something that might have real consequences for him. I don't know if John Doe himself is aware of this, but I feel this is something he should know of, in case he wants to try and get it taken down.
On the other hand, I'm not sure if this is my place to say anything, considering I don't know any of the people involved. I also feel it's quite untactful to basically tell someone about another person's explicit fantasies about them. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
awRxME3RXQBAB91QXVjuXSt4Biy2M0qC | ao9pys | {
"description": "letting my niece have a cookie with gluten in it",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 47
} | AITA for letting my niece have a cookie with gluten in it? | My niece, who is ten, hasn’t been allowed to have gluten since she was six and had a “reaction” to it. I love my sister to death, but she can be incredibly gullible. As far as I know, my niece ate a lot of pasta one night and had a rash the next day. My sister’s friend told her that she probably has a “gluten intolerance,” and my niece hasn’t had gluten since. My sister has never spoken to her daughter’s pediatrician about this, and my niece hasn’t been diagnosed with celiacs or anything like that.
I was babysitting my niece the other day, and we were playing out in the yard when a girl from her neighborhood came out and asked if my niece could play at her house. I said sure and hung out with the girl’s mom while the girls played. At snack time, the girl’s mom got down a jar of cookies and asked my niece if she wanted one. My niece asked me if it was okay, and I didn’t want her to feel left out, so I let her have one.
Absolutely nothing happened. My nice enjoyed the cookie and then went back to playing with her friend. My sister had no idea when she came home. Then this morning, I was hit by a storm of texts from my sister calling me evil and accusing me of trying to kill her daughter. Apparently, her daughter told her that she’d had a cookie at the neighbor’s, and my sister called to confirm that they weren’t gluten free.
Everyone in my family is mad at me and saying that even though they don’t think my niece really needs to be gluten free, we should respect my sister and her parenting choices. I say that my niece shouldn’t have to miss out on life and experience because of my sister being misinformed and overbearing. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 40,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 47
} | WRONG |
FrCo8ioe8QBVyfylGFdzauM7V9GwknoM | b0o6i4 | {
"description": "thinking the nurse was upset at my panic attack",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for thinking the nurse was upset at my panic attack? | Hi Internet.
I recently found out I'm pregnant, yay! With this comes a barrage of tests and pokes and prods, a nightmare for someone with a severe anxiety, the majority of which is rooted in a phobia of needles \*coughcough\* ME \*coughcough\*. I have to have a blood test, to make sure my blood type and the baby's are compatible. It's routine. Everyone has to do it. Mine was supposed to be today. My anxiety started to get the better of me and I started to have an attack. The nurse trying to draw my blood seemed to get frustrated with me, even shoving the photos of the ultrasound I'd received minutes before in my face. She brought up my tattoo. She brought up the fact that she has a patient that's a four year old with a kidney transplant who does this easily. (That never worked for me; I'm not a four year old, I'm me!). I devolved into a full blown panic attack. The nurse's solution? Bring in another nurse to hold my right arm down. My mother (she comes along to appointments instead of my husband because he's a Marine), told them to stop, which they did.
I've thought about this a lot, and I'm convinced that if I had been held down and they'd continued, I would have hurt not only myself, but I would have lashed out and possibly hurt some poor nurse that didn't ask to deal with my shit today. Am I the asshole for feeling like the nurse wasn't very compassionate or professional? Or am I looking at this all wrong? I'd love to see this situation from an outsider's perspective.
Thanks for listening, Reddit. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
9Lt58k8H34h0WE4efSWMn0fxf8kEbBWL | b22ylt | {
"description": "telling my special needs neighbor to stop coming to my house when I have friends over",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for telling my special needs neighbor to stop coming to my house when I have friends over. | (Sorry for mobile formatting)
AITA for getting upset and telling my neighbor who has autism that it is not ok to randomly show up to my backdoor, invite himself in when I have guests over.
It has happened multiple times in the past where I have friends over and we are playing video games and board games and then he randomly joins us and makes it awkward for my guests and myself. This time for example, he shows up to my back door at 9pm and just says
“Hey (insert my name) looks like you guys are having fun”
He then proceeds to take his shoes off and interrupts our game. After that I finally asked him to. “leave and to not come when I have friends over” then he proceeded to cause a temper tantrum and stormed out the door.
My parents are telling me that I did the wrong thing because he can’t help it because of his condition but on the other hand he has been very obnoxious to my friends and I.
So AITA for asking him to stop coming when I have friends over? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
bar94yDlNPIphzmxVpMB8a1Ik64FTYq8 | a1nx6k | {
"description": "sleeping with my best friends boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for sleeping with my best friends boyfriend? | About 3 years ago possibly even longer, I slept with my best friends of 17 years boyfriend, before they started dating (note: I also have a boyfriend now, we’ve been together for 2.5 years)
It was at a party at her house and we had sex in her bed. For 3 years it was a running joke because he liked her but slept with me (I was super easy at the time so it didn’t take much). I must also note that in that time, she never had feelings for him. She just saw him as a friend and nothing more. They recently started dating maybe a bit less than a year ago?
Fast forward to my birthday in August and I got super drunk and I guess reminded her that I slept with him (memory is fuzzy, too much tequila). It’s been about 4 months and she hasn’t so much as said one word to me about it.
I’m so confused because she already knew it happened, and I’ve apologized profusely but she’s still very angry with me,
Am I the asshole in this situation? Or is she being petty? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
l7UIwvREtQr5zeVVtsY9MLCymddxnBxY | ba550m | {
"description": "being upset my husband accidentally broke a lamp of mine he thought was ugly",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being upset my husband accidentally broke a lamp of mine he thought was ugly? | My husband just came into the room (after I heard a crash) carrying a lamp I loved. He said “I’m in trouble”, set the broken lamp on the counter, and went about his business. I said “oh no! Do you mind throwing it away so I don’t have to look at it there?” He said that he would. He didn’t. Finally, I said “I’ll just throw it away” - I did use some attitude. His response? “You’re such a cunt.” WTF?! This was so out-of-nowhere! He thinks I deserved that comment.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
NdTM0jHI8vCFs9IbeeLvP5CVG1BrJSTo | b72elj | {
"description": "going and getting a beer after work by myself",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I went and got a beer after work by myself? | So as the title states I want to relax and have a beer after work today. I feel like my husband will disapprove and it will end up being a huge fight. I don't have any friends that I see regularly and I just started a new job, things have been stressful at home and I just want a little space to be by myself. If I decide I will let him know where I am and what I am doing.
I just want to know if the internet thinks I am an asshole because I am a female and would be going by myself. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
O7qQaEBojG9Sor9Hm7hvB87fGqlCsVnA | amclpn | {
"description": "snapping at my dad after a very stressful past few months",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for snapping at my dad after a very stressful past few months | So in November (2 days before my 17th birthday), I ended up finding my brother after an accidental OD (only just got the M.E. report back today, before this the cause was thought to be his sleep apnea and so everyone thought he just rolled over and never woke up). I still remember everything about it, it's buried beneath a lot of shit but the feelings are very noticeable, and can't hardly sleep anymore. I didn't really have a good sleep schedule in the first place, but now I'm not able to actually get to sleep until around 3-4am and have to wake up at 7.
I also have a form of autism, Sensory Processing Disorder(SPD), which makes it so I can't tune things out, and just get filled with Sensory input until I can't take it anymore and have a full on (TRIGGER WARNING I'm exaggerating cause dark/self deprecating humor is one of the ways I get through life anymore TRIGGER WARNING) retard meltdown and lock myself in my room for 3 or 4 hours to mess around on my phone or PC. This SPD thing also makes it extremely hard to actually know what feelings mean what, and how to deal with them.
I also can't really talk about these things with my parents, cause I see/hear them having their own moments everyday, so I don't talk about it with hardly anyone, the only ones outside of my family that know is some people from my church and one of the discord servers im in. They've tried to get me to go to counseling, but since *I* don't even know what's going on inside my head enough for me to understand it, (and I've said this multiple times both in and out of the sessions) idk how they think I'm going to be able to tell them. Which just means I've been keeping all this crap inside my head, with no way to get it out, for the past two months.
This morning, actually technically now it's yesterday morning but whatever, we got the report back from the medical examiner saying that his death was indeed accidental, but it was not asphyxiation, instead it was "acute drug toxicity: fentanyl and ethanol combination." Which right there kinda sounds like he did try to call it, but he was also completely sober for a good 4/5 months and we didn't have any alcohol in the house at the time.
Now this I have said multiple times in and out of the counseling sessions. The M.E. said they estimated his T.o.D at somewhere between one and four AM. which I have been taking harder even than the fact that he's dead, because I was completely up and awake during that whole time window, my door is always open, and only 6 feet away from his. So even though he always had his door shut, I still have heard various sounds (like him watching his phone, or talking to his friends), and I didn't hear anything at all, he's usually quiet at night anyway but still, I was sitting, not 10 feet from where he just died for the better part of 12 hours (we, and by we I mean me, didn't find him until 2 almost 3 in the afternoon), and didn't even notice.
I understand that both my parents are having their own issues with this, but they also know that literally every inch of my body is in pain 24/7 with nothing anyone can do about it, my shoulder especially since the 911 operater insisted we do cpr on a body that's (TRIGGER WARNING) stiffer than morning wood in no nut November, which WILL fuck you up if you try that, and on a soft bed, which will ALSO fuck you up if you try. So between A. Those two things, and B. My shoulder already locking up on me often, it hurts like a *buttcheek on a stick*. I only make a point of this because LITERALLY EVERY TIME MY DAD GOES TO WAKE ME UP IN THE MORNINGS HE FUCKING POKES AND SHOVES THE MOST FUCKED UP PART OF MY BODY LIKE ITS A FUCKING SLIME BALL. * Ahem * sorry about that.
This afternoon I was making dinner since I found a recipe I have been wanting to try for a while now, and had to cover a bowl with some tin foil so the meat could marinade without flies or something like that getting into it. I had my dad helping with some stuff, like cutting the onion and the chicken since it was actually a complicated marinade, but anyway, I went to get the foil out and unrolled, but for whatever reason the roll just fell out of the box and on to the floor.
That: * happens *
Me: well shit
Dad: WTF YOU JUST THREW ALL THE FOIL ON TO THE FLOOR!!!1!1
now mind you he saw that I had the box for the foil *firmly grasped* in my hand, the EXACT same way he does it.
Mom in other room: he didn't just throw it on the ground, he clearly said "well fuck" when it fell lol.
Me: I didn't think it was going to just fall out-
Dad: well you should have been paying attention!!!
Me: I clearly was paying attention, i only looked away for not even 2 seconds to try and see how much I actually needed.
Dad: YOU CLEARLY WEREN'T PAYING ATTENTION OTHERWISE THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED!
Me: like I said I WAS paying attention, I DIDN'T know this was going to happen, it's not like I did it on purpose.
Dad: YOU CLEARLY WEREN'T PAYING ATTENTION OTHERWISE THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED!!!
at this point I was tired from having babysat a 4year old and a 2month old for 2 days straight, hurting so much for past 15 years, and emotionally exhausted from not being able to get this grief shit out of my head. I also knew that the only thing he was going to say was it was 100% my fault I did it on purpose and I need to pay attention. I still had the box for the foil roll in my hands, so I just chucked it on the floor and went to my room cause otherwise it would've just been me yelling back to try and get him to actually hear what I'm saying, him trying to slap my mouth for "talking back to him", me raising my arm to try and block the slap him trying to slap me even harder for trying to block the slap(like im just going to sit here and be harassed and slapped for trying to make my voice loud enough for him to hear sounds coming from my mouth lol)
TL;DR: I've been stressed for the past 2 months cause of death in the family, and pain. Accidentally dropped foil on floor, got yelled at for being a moron, tried to explain it was not on purpose, had to yell to be heard over yelling, went to my room to avoid A. Getting yelled at more, and B. Escalation. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
fv8VgWoyk8vBz223dBiLr9BjxjhOZIP4 | 9tzz6d | {
"description": "asking someone that was told to find a new place to live why they are at my house at 9pm",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For asking someone that was told to find a new place to live why they are at my house at 9PM? | So this guy has been staying with me and a friend when he went homeless. Homeboy has stolen from us before so I’m already weary of him. He was told he had two weeks to leave because he is a slob, smokes all the time and he has no respect for anyone but himself. When he was told he had two weeks he told me it wasn’t his problem and he was gonna do what he wants when he isn’t on the lease. So two weeks go by and he is still here. He gets told 5 days past the 2 week mark that he has 24 hours to leave. He shows up to my place at 9PM to “roll one and leave” I told him I wasn’t gonna let him in for that then he starts screaming he has clothes here and he just wants to roll and leave. Then I let him in to get his shit and he runs his mouth even more. Then says to me We are fine then runs to my friends at their work and tells them what happened talking shit about me.
Am I really the bad guy for asking what was wrong and telling him he isn’t gonna show up at my place to do such things? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
NhJhPy9RK1q4rtn9vbBjrazWNuLLl5CK | apooba | {
"description": "firing back at my rude classmate",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for firing back at my rude classmate? | So here's how this story goes:
I'm in the theatre department at my high school, and many of the upperclassmen are pretty rude. They constantly gossip and ignore people that they aren't friend with, despite the fact that we all have to work together. They also pretend to know more than they do, and undermine people just because they're a year older. One of these upperclassmen, let's call her Jaime, is part of this group.
For context, Jaime and I have never had a conversation, and I think we've talked maybe once. Because there's a lot of downtime in theatre, we tend to sit backstage and talk. At this time, we're in a group of about 6 people, all in different grades. I'm half listening, not contributing, and leaning on one of my friend's shoulders, tired from rehearsals. Somehow we get on to the topic of boys, and I zone out, uninterested. However, I snap back into reality after Jaime, who wants to talk about her crush, looks at me and says in an extremely condescending tone, "I don't know if I can talk about it around you. I don't think you seem very trustworthy." And then just looked at me.
I'm shocked to say the least. We'd never had a conversation, and she didn't, and still doesn't know me at all. I was angry and tired at the time, and now looking back at it I think I seemed rude, but I said, "What would you know about that? You don't know me."
She did a like shocked laugh, and then rolled her eyes. The conversation continued, but I'm sure she called me a bitch later.
Now, three months later, she REFUSES to look or talk to me, ever. We just wrapped up another show, and the whole three-week production period when we were working together, she acted like I was a literal pest. We'll be in a conversation with the same people, and she'll position herself as far away from me as possible, and never even looks at me, or acknowledges that I'm there. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I'm worried that when we have to work together again, it's going to get worse.
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
NII57iJYvvu8ffifQJVZ3UXNn1RYrCqy | a9zsgd | {
"description": "not caring about other people's lives and not wanting to know about their \"problems\"",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA if I don't care about other people's lives and don't want to know about their "problems" ? | I do not have what one would call a hard life but still I get incredibly bored every time someone tells me about their little or big troubles in life.
What I just want is talk about random stuff and not get personal about someones stories. AITA ? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
G0ZMFfWVzd3WeiTTVLRVwqg5YOgkweb4 | b33yzr | null | AITA with a new Ex Marine manager at work? |
It all started with a new manager at work. He was a young Staff Sargent in the Marine Corp with a few combat tours overseas that managed at a security company after he left the Marines. He was related to the office manager and he was hired to manage the shop personnel and some company drivers. He introduced himself as the new sheriff in town and said he was going to take control of how the shop was run. He never once managed a shop like ours, and I was annoyed at the presumption he was going to tell me how to do my job since I have be working in the industry since for a long time (1980).
The first policy he came up with was to create a preapproval paper trail for every purchase in the shop. Every purchase, no matter how small, had to preapproved by him before we could proceed. This was inhibitive to the flow of work in the shop. My objections fell on deaf ears.
I took one of these approval forms and filled it out for a “parts kit” to the tune of $72.50 for him to sign. I got it back and made a few updates to the form, the decimal was changed to a comma and a zero was added to the total. The item being purchased was corrected to a “race car parts kit.” Now the form was for $72,500.
I turned it into the account dept with an “invoice” for said race car. The accounting manager looked at me with some apprehension. I insisted with the “purchase” and she updated the manager’s monthly expense tally. When the manager found out about it, he promptly hit the ceiling because, he was unable to explain it. He ran down to the accounting dept and grabbed the paperwork.
Seeing my updates on the form he runs out to the shop, with other curious employees from his dept following to see what all the commotion was about, and confronts me in the middle of the shop. He hits me square in the head first thing and then rips into me about how it’s not funny to circumvent his process. I pick myself up off the floor with a smirk on my face that I can’t stop and let him finish his rant.
The stack of preapproval forms disappeared after that incident. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
G3TdMdpkSP7Vaeq553Fom3OocDgOg2U4 | a3ebxx | {
"description": "asking a moderately mentally handicapped (and possibly gay) classmate to stop certain things",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking a moderately mentally handicapped (and possibly gay) classmate to stop certain things? | Title sums it up. For the most part. You see, this classmate in front of me in class (high school) keeps turning around and trying to talk to me, and occasionally will touch my, or somebody else’s arm or things. Most of the time when he does this (to me at least) I try to tell him to stop, and sometimes he does, and sometimes he doesn’t. (I think he has some mild mental illness.)
Just today, he went down on the floor to pick up a pencil that he tossed in the air and couldn’t catch, which landed right next to me. Once he picked it up, he stayed squatted on the ground next to his desk, talking to the point where it made me sort of uncomfortable. (Like the title says he possibly could be gay.) I try to ask as politely as possible for him to stop, but I can always feel that hint of annoyance in my own voice.
So my question, (may you all have pity on my soul) is am I the asshole for not playing along and trying to be overly nice to him? I want him to leave me alone personally, but I don’t want to be rude. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
grnzoWFcwDN8yiGX0COZkGdze4vDRJzy | 9z0zen | null | AITA - I've got gastroenteritis but I'm still getting up with our son | This was an actual conversation with my husband (Z) this morning. Our son woke up at 6:30.
Z - are you getting up with him this morning?
J - like I have every morning this week?
Z - well you're off work
J - I'm ill!
Z - exactly
I'm sure there's some logic here?!
Sunday/Monday I was up all night myself, then our son woke up at 4:15 so I had to go in with him. My husband hasn't done any washing up and I cooked dinner last night the had to do the washing up as well.
To be fair, Z was great on Saturday, he took our son most of the day when I wasn't feeling well and I know he has to work, but it wouldn't kill him to get up and let me have a lie in would it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
1DWnkT6RNYswherMzNNCJ8ywAyGRlX4y | ansz4u | {
"description": "telling my friends to back off",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my friends to back off | First off let me start off by saying I've got great friends and I wouldn't change them for the world.
I left my family home 8 years ago and pretty much have a non-existent relationship with my mother . I believe it is a relatonship beyond repair (she told my fiance - first time meeting each other - if we invite my family to the wedding, he will destroy the family [exact words]). She's only called once in the past 8 years and that was for me to buy her something. My friends are fully aware of this situation but still give me updates on my mum. For instance, sending me pics of her house decorated for chirstmas. This frustrates me and I have expressed this to them that I don't want to hear any more as I couldn't care any more about her life success stories (she is a successful businesswoman with honorary doctorate and she refers to herself as doctor now [cue eye roll]). I think they are just trying to help and wished we put our issues behind. I probably am not an asshole but I feel like one. I can either ignore any mum-related msgs or just completely tell them to stop.
This is probably a poor post for the sub but I really feel frustrated. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
yOH1RjbQ1KjNXA0qfpjHifxejCv2er9b | apbtaw | {
"description": "not wanting my sister to get married a week before me",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting my sister to get married a week before me? | I (24f) have been dating my fiancé for two years before he proposed to me last July. We decided to have a year-long engagement and set the wedding date for July 2019.
Two months ago, my sister (22) met a guy that she really liked and started dating him. This is the first relationship she has ever had.
A week ago, she told me they planned to get engaged next month (after three months of knowing each other!) and married a week or two before me.
Soon after my fiancé and I got my engaged, my parents offered to contribute a certain amount to the wedding (significantly less than what my fiancé, my in-laws, or I am paying) and have only yet contributed a sixth of what they said they would.
My sister still lives with my parents and has just as poor spending/saving habits as they do. She knows how tight money is right now but expects our parents to pay for half of her wedding. Her and her fiancé do not plan to pay for any of the wedding.
So why is she making a wedding the same time I am when she knows my parents can’t possibly help with both?
Another thing, my sister only just met this guy, so why is she rushing into marriage? Beside for the fact that I am worried she is being rash without thinking of the consequences to her own life, I also think she is inconsiderate to steal my spotlight and make the months leading up to my wedding about herself and her wedding.
When I asked why she couldn’t make the wedding later in the year, she gave two reasons: 1) she and her boyfriend do not touch for religious reasons and do not want to wait until after my wedding to start touching and 2) my 18 year old brother moved to another country and my sister and mother think it’s unfair to make my parents pay to fly my brother back to the States twice in one year.
My relatives will not be able to fly in for both weddings if they are so close together. Since her wedding will be before mine, most of my relatives will likely miss my wedding even though mine was announced in July 2018 and hers will likely be announced in March or April of this year.
My sister does not want to make her wedding directly after mine because my brother must fly back to his new home for visa reasons and she (understandably) does not want him to miss her wedding.
My mother and sister are telling me I’m selfish for not wanting her to get married a week or two before me. Am I being selfish and an asshole? Or should she wait a few more months to get married? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
MuRTFgLEkdS1mFUe1QvdJJZGDmL2lq3r | b1n6ms | {
"description": "saying 'Ewww' at an old guy washing his dick in a public toilet",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for saying 'Ewww' at an old guy washing his dick in a public toilet? | I was taking a walk in the park, when I had to take a dump and an old guy followed in, idk, like 60 or so. It took me 7 minutes in the toilet and when I got out the old guy was washing his dick in the faucet. I was like Ewww and he heard it and glared at me like crazy and said 'Fucking bastard.' Don't know what else I should have said. Friend called me the same thing when I told him this.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
tG1EMxVMXKNVVsyPHdfTTxxkv81j8eDc | arsjfq | {
"description": "cutting off contact with my adopted sister because she \"loves\" my rapist like a \"brother\"",
"pronormative_score": 41,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA For cutting off contact with my adopted sister because she "loves" my rapist like a "brother"? | This is a throwaway account. Idk if any relatives use Reddit, so.. yeah.
This is a long story, and has many details that (I believe) all matter, but it is hard to tell it through such a short amount of text, so bear with me. TL;DR at the bottom.
I (F20) cut off all contact with my adopted sister (we will call her Rachel) a couple of years ago, and I'm still wondering if I am the asshole in this situation.
Some background:
Rachel was adopted into my family when her and I were freshmen in highschool. We had been best friends since 6th grade and after much consideration, based on her home life, my parents took her in.
We had a typical sister relationship. We got along well, but we also fought occasionally, and more so as our highschool years went on. I could have been a better friend/sister at times, for sure. But other than that, we were good.
Onto the situation:
Freshman year of highschool (I'm 13, she was 15), Rachel and I shared a group of friends. One of our friends was a 21 year old guy from our church youth group. My parents trusted (let's call him Ron) him because of this, so Rachel and I hung out with him a lot. He would pick us up and take us to the mall or the movies.. the three of us (sometimes others tagged along) had a lot of fun. Rachel became really close with him and started calling him "brother", which I thought was weird at first, but since I wanted to be like her in some ways, I occasionally referred to him as our "brother", as well.
Well, for my 14th birthday, Ron offered to have a mini party (Me, Rachel, Ron, and 1 other friend of mine) at his apartment, where he would provide alcohol. This was not a red flag to me, since we (me, Rachel, Ron, and others)h ad hung out at his apartment before and had alcohol there.
I agreed to this and made plans with Rachel. She had a softball game the day of the party, but told me that her and our other friend would just meet me at Ron's that evening.
Long story short, she never showed up. I had one drink and passed out, only to wake multiple times throughout the night to witness Ron taking advantage of me.
The following morning (my actual birthday), I woke up at about 5am with a bad headache and felt sick. I immediately got dressed and Ron drove me home. I told him that I didnt remember saying yes to what had happened that night and he apologized, and left. I went to my room and laid on my bed. Rachel was in her room listening to music, so I went in and asked her why she didnt show up. She told me that she had told Ron that she couldn't make it, that she had spent the night at our friend's, but that she was sorry she couldn't be there.
FF a couple of months, I decided to tell Rachel what had happened, because I began to worry for her safety, as she had still been hanging out with Ron, and now without me (because I stopped altogether after that day). She apologized for what I had gone through, but I had a feeling that she didnt believe my story. She continued to hang out with Ron.
I think this info is critical to her assessment of the situation; I think she doesnt believe me because one time, at one of our previous parties at Ron's, she had walked in on me and Ron kissing. Before she walked in, I had been talking to Ron about truth or dare, and he dared me to kiss him. I was drunk and thought that it would be funny to do that, so I did. And she walked in at the wrong moment and never let me explain what happened.
Okay, so FF to Senior year.
Rachel was kicked out by my mother for stealing and doing drugs and some other things (I hadn't seen Ron around for a while at this point. I thought they weren't hanging out anymore). She moved in with her boyfriend and basically stopped talking to me and my family (besides holidays). I would text her occasionally to see how she was doing but that's about it.
Shortly after this, I decided to tell my parents about what had happened to me. My dad made me go to the police and make a report, and eventually Ron was informed of the situation.
FF to about a year ago.
Ron was killed in a motor vehicle accident. Not knowing if Rachel was aware or not, I texted her and asked if she knew about what happened. She told me that not only did she know, she was in the hospital every day holding his hand for nearly a month. She then said "I know you don't like him, but I love him, he's like my brother." I said, "Its not that I dont *like* him, it's that he *raped* me. But, you know what? You can love whomever you want." (Not exact quote). She said, "I love you." And I didn't respond.
Her Facebook timeline photo is of him. Her bio says "My brother is an angel, R.I.P."
She has recently tried to get in contact with me, but I felt like I would be happier if she wasn't in my life. So I refused to give her my new phone number and have not reached out.
So, AITA for doing this?
TL;DR: I was raped at 14 by a 21 y/o mutual friend of my adopted sister. I told her about it and I dont think she believed me. After the guy died (and she spent his dying moments with him), I cut contact with her because she keeps saying that she loves him despite of how I feel about him and she calls him her brother. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 39,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 41,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
XmG6ic0u90tYLcFvm861wqxvNiEtAQWR | b2c11n | {
"description": "not wanting to go to school",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for not wanting to go to school? | I know this sounds like typical teenager talk, and it probably is, but I’m lost and in need of an opinion.
I’ve been having a really bad time for a while on account of depression issues to do with a lot of things really, and recently I’ve started to have panic attacks and I’ve been feeling worthless.
You see, it is a self defeating issue, I have a panic attack, and thus, just autopilot at school. As a result of the auto-piloting, I don’t understand what’s happening in class, and because of that I feel stupid. Because I feel stupid, I don’t pay attention in class.
I know that the simple answer to this problem is to pay attention in class, however, that is much easier said than done. A few days ago, I had a panic attack and cried, for the first time in a long time. I spent an hour and a half (or so) in counseling talking about my issues with some (the counselor) for the first time in a long time as well.
Everyone has been super accommodating and encouraging for me which is great, but that doesn’t change the dread that I feel at school. And until I get professional counseling I don’t want to go back to school. I start counseling soon enough but I know that taking that off would be a long time. But I’m thinking about asking my dad if I can stay home soon, I just don’t know if I would be the asshole for doing it.
All my dad expects from me is to not do stupid things (drink, get arrested, etc) and to not fail classes. It has been really hard not to do poorly in classes recently and I would understand if my dad thinks that it would be a bad idea to not go to class as an (indirect) result of me doing poorly in class. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
4R6fzTxf8E8IgtyQlsnirnTNUFDPv97b | b1ygmw | {
"description": "getting mad at my friends for showing people in my class a picture if me I sent them when I was in hospital",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting mad at my friends for showing people in my class a picture if me i sent them when i was in hospital? | I was in hospital for surgery on my mouth, I was born with a cleft pallet, so they need to take tissue from my cheek to lengthen my pallet to stop air escaping and affecting my speech.
While I was in hospital I was texting my friends we were talking about my surgery and I was trying to explain how my mouth looked and being jacked up on pain meds and starved for 48 ish hours I decided I'd send a picture of me. I joked that I was gonna regret this and showed I clearly didn't want this to be misused or showed to people but I never outright said don't do it.
The edits came in, edited dicks in my mouth and whatever and sent them to me. I got on with it whatever not the end of the world they've seen the picture anyway. Time passes on and for the 100th time they send it and I ask them to stop. I said it wasn't that funny the first time just stop. I then get the reply you weren't there when another friend of mine showed a list of three not as close friends.
Am I the asshole for getting mad because I did send them the photo and technically didn't outright say don't show anyone or edit it. What do you think? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
pbmxF0arG5tqS1mZYiBaiEcRtrpC12GH | au644y | {
"description": "breaking off a relationship over one big mistake",
"pronormative_score": 83,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for breaking off a relationship over one big mistake? | Me and this girl (I’m going to call her Sabrina) have been hanging out about every other day and it’s pretty obvious to both of us at this point we like each other based on what we do and what we say but neither of us has made a move to be more than “friends” yet.
The guy who introduced me to Sabrina (let’s call him Snoopy) was an old friend of hers, and as time went on I learned she was old friends with really about every one of Snoopy’s friends (which is important later)
Anyway we went out tonight and had a good time as usual, talking about whatever when the subject of how we met comes up and we start talking about Snoopy and her friend group. I asked her when’s the last time they all hung out and She told me she hasn’t hung out with this guy (let’s call him Richard) in a while and the conversation ends there.
We were at Snoopy’s house where all of his (and her) friends were when it began nearing time to take her home. I left her in a room with Richard (remember him?) to talk to Snoopy and the rest of the lads to decide to take a trip to the supermarket for some snacking before I go
At this point I go back into said room to ask Sabrina if she wants to come with us to the store (it’s pretty clear in hindsight they weren’t sober but he was more drunk than she was), and she says she wants to stay.
I say okay and we dip, and when we come back I find out they had sex while I was gone. I didn’t say anything and acted like I didn’t know but it was pretty obvious to me what had happened but I shrugged it off and waited in the car to take her home.
We drive home and she’s really quiet the whole ride so I start suspecting she knows I know. I get to her door and she asks me what’s wrong but I don’t say anything, I mean what would you say?
This is when she starts getting jumpy and desperate with her questions about what’s wrong as she realizes I know. She started to cry and tell me she was sorry and she didn’t mean to do it, that she didn’t mean to throw away her happiness, that she didn’t mean to fuck up so badly but I didn’t say anything in response other than a goodnight
She is trying to convince me as hard as she can now over text she is sorry, that she regrets it, that she doesn’t want Richard, that she didn’t mean to throw everything away like that, that it was a stupid decision and she wishes she could fix it
I’m ignoring her texts and apologies because I feel like I can’t forgive someone for doing something like that but then again this has never happened before and I don’t know how to handle it. It’s like a slap in the face to tell someone you want to be with them and then turn around and sleep with someone else after being with them for less than an hour.
AITA for breaking off this relationship? I don’t know what to do | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 68,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 15,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 83,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
z9Q2y9Y5GtTCVVNmr8wIfdFXmpMZaVas | au4o92 | {
"description": "considering breaking up with my bf over something hypothetical and unlikely to happen",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for considering breaking up with my(22F) bf(21M) over something hypothetical and unlikely to happen? | My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months. Something I am a little concerned about is the topic of me becoming pregnant. This is totally hypothetical as I am not pregnant, and do not plan on getting pregnant any time soon. The only form of contraception we use is birth control, which I take religiously, so the chances of me becoming pregnant are very slim. However, as two adults actively doing the act, the chance of pregnancy is still there, and I think it’s important to discuss the possible consequences. My boyfriend says that if I get pregnant and decide to keep the kid, he will leave. He will not pay child support. He will not be involved. End of discussion. To him, in the off chance I do get pregnant, getting an abortion is the only option if I want to stay with him. I’ve told him that I am in no way ready for kids either, but it is also very off-putting that if the situation did arise, my only choices would be abortion or becoming a single parent. Again, the chances of me becoming pregnant are very slim, but I still don’t like my boyfriend’s attitude towards the situation. So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 30,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
dxyMU1hEQI6J57rj1zzD5OaaHQ6sHhXl | 9y1suz | {
"description": "talking to another girl while in a relationship",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for talking to another girl while in a relationship? | Hey all, as a preface this happened several weeks ago. Anyways let's cut to the chase.
​
I've been dating my girlfriend for more than a year. We both met while in nursing school and as we have gone on to our clinical years, our relationship has transitioned to long distance as she traveled to the west coast while I stay on the east coast. In all fairness this decision was made before we were in a relationship, and it something we are both happy with and make every effort to keep in touch be it over text, facetime, etc. She is beautiful, talented, incredibly smart and the woman of my dreams. She is the only one I have seriously considered a future with. We both have not dated very many people and one of the features of her last relationship was that her ex betrayed her trust in several ways with lies and deception and it really affected her to the point of being a key part of that relationship's demise. To me this was reprehensible by him, and so one of the features of our relationship that I wanted to focus on was trust and communication. Even before we were dating and just "seeing eachother" with no strings attached I strove to make this point clear through my words and my actions. I really like this girl and I was going to make damn sure she knew and that I was serious. There were multiple instances where other people just in the course of conversations would ask me out, flirt with me, or otherwise make advances. Each and every time this happened I politely turned them down or steered the conversation away because to me I didn't want to ruin my chances with this girl who I really thought was special. I did all of this unprompted, without being asked, and went so far as to tell her about every instance because I wanted to show her I had nothing to hide, and was fully invested in a future with her.
​
Anyways fast-forward to a party a few weeks ago where myself and my two room-mates (one M, one F) were hosting a party together. F room-mate invited her friends over whom we had never met. I went down and chatted with them for a while, thought nothing of it and went upstairs to my room to get ready; during this F asks me if I was still dating my girlfriend as she hadn't heard anything in awhile, to which I told her yes of course. I rejoin them about half an hour later when one of F's friends starts talking to me and starts playing a guessing game with me as she was adjusting my costume and I couldn't talk. She asked if I had a girlfriend, I nodded, to which she looked at me and said "Hmph, shame" before walking away while still maintaining eye contact. Ah, found the one who was asking. I didn't even want to give her the time of day, said "mhm" and the party started a little after that. I wanted nothing to do with her and made it a point to try and avoid her over the night, not because she was a jerk or anything but because I didn't want to create even a semblance of being unfaithful. As with every time before I told my girlfriend about this and she thought it was funny, I should mention too that I had her on facetime in my room as the party was going on and she was studying in the other room; we do this routinely when we're busy just so we can "be there" with the other person and I stopped in every half hour or so to say hi and bring in some friends to say hi too. I later found out that this girl had a reputation for breaking up couples and getting other guys to cheat on their girlfriends. I told my girlfriend about this and she immediately wanted me to say to the girl, "hey, if I didn't have a girlfriend right now I would totally fuck you" and give her my number (when in reality it was my girlfriend's) so that my girlfriend could fuck with her. Anyways I was immediately off-put by this and it made me uncomfortable, I never wanted to flirt with this girl or any other in the first place; she made me uncomfortable, and it really made me go against what I had been doing with my girlfriend for so long. I even went so far as to tell my close friends who were there that this girl was weirding me out and I was just gonna stick with them for the night. I told my girlfriend no I would not and she got upset and texted her other friends saying that she wanted me to do this, I was saying no, and that she thought I was being lame. Somehow her friend agreed with this. She kept telling me to, this has happened multiple times before where she has called me lame for not doing something she might want me to. She often calls me out for not being interesting enough and while she says this is a joke, sometimes it really digs in. Eventually I agreed to do this, only because I wanted to see my girlfriend happy. This is where I wonder if I may be the asshole. I go up to the girl and deliver the line, I should add that I have an awful short-term memory. I cannot remember a ten-digit phone number to save my life and unfortunately do not have my girlfriend's memorized. I also had a few drinks in me so that only hurt my cause. So when it came time at that moment to give the girl my number, my mind blanked. I could not for the life of me remember my girlfriend's phone number. So we kept talking and I wanted to keep up the act so I could eventually give her the number. Eventually the girl opened up to me and started crying about her "reputation" and how it's something she never wanted and how she has regretted the things she has done. We went into another room just the two of us to keep talking and left the door open about a quarter of the way. Her friends came and went and even tried to get her out of there because they "knew her reputation" and didn't want her alone with me. We both said it was cool and wrapped up the conversation shortly after. I honestly felt bad for this girl and got her tissues and just listened to her for about an hour. Again I did not give her my girlfriend's number and she ended up staying the night, along with all of F's girlfriends downstairs while I went to bed upstairs.
​
I texted my girlfriend the next morning and she immediately asks me if I had given the other girl my number, I told her I hadn't and without even asking for details starts saying that she's breaking up with me and hangs up facetime. I'm floored by this and immediately try to call her back. This is my worst nightmare and why I wanted to avoid the situation in the first place. She's crying and calling me worthless, scum, and most other kinds of insults. I'm trying my best to explain what happened and nonetheless apologizing profusely. She asked if the other girl was still over and I replied that I didn't know because I was still in my room and hadn't yet gone downstairs. At this point she forbid me from going downstairs, saying that if I so much as left my room we were over. I asked if I may be able to leave to shower, or even eat breakfast as it was noon at this point and I had not eaten since the prior night. She said I could if I wanted to but that we were over if I did. I stayed with her on the phone and on facetime trying to win her back until about 5 that evening at which point my other room-mate texted me to say him and F were going to the hospital because F had abdominal pain that wasn't going away and that he wanted to talk to me about it. I told my girlfriend about this, that my room-mate was about to go to the hospital we work at and if I could go down to see if she was ok as well as talk with M. She immediately starts screaming at me saying "fuck your room-mate!!" and hangs up on me. So that was a no. I end up not leaving and telling M and F that I can't make it down; I stayed in my room as she went to the hospital as she was discharged and returned home later that evening. By the end of the day I had not yet left my room and I finally got permission to leave and shower. I should add that I am on a challenging rotation time-wise, weekends are precious for studying and I was unable to get any work done, I was an emotional wreck. My girlfriend had threatened to break up with me several times over the course of our relationship prior to this, but never quite to this magnitude. It's been a few weeks now and she has "forgotten all about it", but to me it's still on my mind. Guys, I need to know. Was I the asshole here?
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
esgk9SbuBxbyxWh1fV7X2B7oKDOkPOMv | ayq93f | {
"description": "asking for petrol contributions",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking for petrol contributions? | I’m at university doing a course that requires us to be on placement most of the time. We’re paired with partners on our placements.
I have a car and my partner does not. Because of this I give her a lift to placement most days. Over the 10 week placement I would say I average giving her a lift 3-4 days out of 5.
We are both entitled to claiming back expenses. For things like parking tickets or bus tickets you can claim back the full amount with a valid receipt, whereas for petrol you get a certain amount per mile, which for my car (a small economical model) does not cover all the petrol. I can also claim a small amount extra for having a passenger but it is really a small token amount.
Picking her up and dropping her off adds around 5-6 miles to my journey, and around 20 mins each way depending on traffic. That’s not a lot but it adds up, and equates around a full tank of petrol at least, not accounting for my time or the effort. I cannot claim this extra 5 miles on top of my regular journey.
When doing my expenses the extra I get for having a passenger did not even add up to the cost of a tank of petrol, so I asked if she would be able to top the amount up to equate a tank and we’d call it quits. This was about £16 from her for the entire ten week placement.
She’s saying this is unreasonable as she’s had to spend money on buses the days when I didn’t give her a lift. When I pointed out that she could claim that back she’s stated she doesn’t have the receipts, which I don’t really think is my problem.
I’ve said that going forward it would be best if she either made her way to my house if she wants a lift or she can make her own way and claim it back, which she says isn’t fair and is much more hassle for her.
I don’t know if I’m being really mean here. Getting the bus is a pain which I know as I did it all last year. It’s also expensive and long, but at the same time I pay for the luxury of having my car and she doesn’t, and I feel pretty taken advantage of. She’s also been a pretty judgemental passenger, making comments if I’m a few minutes late etc etc
TL:DR; friend is saying that giving me 1.60 a week for driving her to placement is too much. AITA for asking for this money? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
dTaIWpEOobGabQQVwp3HwM3ZDRgsK4i0 | b0pga3 | {
"description": "calling cps on my neighbors anonymously",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA if I call cps on my neighbors anonymously? | Throwaway, because I am scared that anyone I know will read this.
I live in a very quiet area and a year ago my neighbors moved in. It's a single mother with two children (a new one is coming this year).
The children are sweethearts. I often meet them in the backyard.
However, my problem starts here: the mom sent them outside without a jacket in winter and they stayed outside for 4 hours (because she got male visitors) She always screams at them for (often) no reason, like the boy touching the dog or stuff. It's very loud, neighbors two blocks away complained already. The mom often throws her trash and dog shit into the backyard - which we by the way share - and the staircase looks a bit like she's a horder. The girl had bruises on her arm and when I asked her she said she bumped her arm on a chair. Her male visitors are very aggressive too, I saw one of them scream at the children too.
I feel like if I don't do anything the kids will get serious problems. I watched them play a game, named "kill the cat". We have a stray cat and she often comes to visit us and to get some food. She formerly was a cat of a granny that lived in our neighborhood too and since the granny passed, she strays around the neighborhood. The kids ran after the cat and wanted to catch her (to maybe beat her?). I told the mother and she just shrugged it off and said, that this is none of her business.
Now, why anonymously? Because she got a letter by somebody in the neighborhood telling her not to scream till late nights and she rang the door of that neighbor like a maniac and threatened to beat the sh*t out of him. And I'm not good with confronting people.
So, AITA if I call CPS on my neighbor anonymously? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
7ajgaxBCmLq7J5PB1YsA00NVfx9nEAH5 | a8xttz | {
"description": "trying to get a my half sisters father out of our house",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AitA for trying to get a my half sisters father out of our house? | So obvious context is needed and this one is going to take a bit.
And I'm very sorry if time lines make no sense. after having a talk with my mother about getting him out again she told me she doesn't want her year ruined and she's tiredof hearing about it.
For names I'll just use letters. (S) is the father of my half sister (hs) and he is a very sketchy. He is an alcoholic who has been arrested many times for it. And is usually under the influence of it.
So it all started about two years ago. Everyday my brother(B) mother(M) and I would be afraid of what this man would do. (S) would drink himself blind and act like he runs the place and would be reminded the only reason he's allowed here is for his daughter. (S) says so many passive aggressive things and would only actually speak to us when he's absolutely drunk. Other than being drunk this man wouldn't look our way. That is unless he absolutely needed something from one of us.
Fast forward sometime about a month or two and he finally gets arrested and is taken away for a year for a dui he was awaiting trial for that whole year. It finally seemed like (S) is gone we don't need to worry about him anymore. Once when we heard he was out we all said don't let him back in. We all know he has no where else to go. So with that in mind I locked all the downstairs windows and the doors. With this peace of mind I go off to work and come back after the shift to see a ladder to the second story and see his car there. The man broke into our house and I said he has to leave. (S) tells me "I'm just going to live here, you can't get rid of me. This is how it has to be" so with that I threaten to call the cops and tell my mother about it. He eventually leaves, but like he said he came back.
But before the year ends one more thing comes from this. This incident here is why I will never look at this man again. (S) doing what he does best and is drunk raging about how things are awful here and how things are going his way. So we tell Him yet again he has no power here since he only has to watch one child when my mother's at work. He walks off and we ask him why hes acting so mad. At this point my brother walks outside to see what's happening and (S) charges at my brother. Thankfully my mother caught him in his tracks and said he needs to leave and he fought all of it.
Now we get into this year and his drinking habits pick up again. But they get worse. Instead of one bottle it's two. Now (S) is on a blind rampage. He starts making fun of everyone for months, talking shit about us to everyone who wasnt us. He isolated himself from us (when I say us I mean mother, brother, and me). We didn't find this out until what really set everything off. We had a family friend come over one holiday and we told him (S) isn't fun to be around, but with that knowledge he said it's fine. (S) gets power drunk like we all assumed he would. And later that night he said all sorts of nasty shit to our family friend. At about 9:30pm (roughly) I hear him yelling viscious words to this man. Things about how he's a shit father a horrible man to be around and waste of alcoholic space. So I run out there and I see him fuming. I ask him to calm down and what's wrong. He tells me and my family that (S) hates us all and how he hates my brother the most. (He says nasty shit I won't go into unless asked.) and we all just say it's the holiday let it be. We go to sleep and I wake up with no (S) in sight. From what I was told (S) pissed all over our couch and left.
(S) is back and hasn't done anything wrong but he's drinking again and I want to stop it at its core. So with that reddit.. Am I the asshole for trying to get him out of the house.
I'm aware I shouldn't ask for help but what can I do?
TL;DR My half sisters father is aggressive when drunk and terrorizes my family and I want him out
Thanks for the time reddit
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
XQPGMAhvQTqYFmuPfaFOOHaNYAbvUvYB | 9yks87 | {
"description": "trying to help my friend who thought she was pregnant",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for trying to help my friend who thought she was pregnant | So for context I was out with friends at a pub. I had a lot on my mind and I was tired. So I decided to leave to walk to my car because I didn't want to ruin the mood for everyone else and wait for the rest of them because I was doing lifts that night for the ones that were drinking.
So anyway I'm dropping off all my friends when we get I'm dropping off the last two people. My friend gets out gives me money and leaves. The last person I was dropping off was drunk and leaned over the back seat of the car into the front to ask how I am because she noticed something was up with me. So I hesitated and then started to cry. Then she started to tell me that she was having a rough day because she thought she didn't know if she was pregnant or not and she started to cry. I felt sorry for her and we hugged for a good 30 seconds. I'd didn't want to speak about myself so I asked her to speak to me about the situation. She listed off a bunch of good reasons saying that her parents can't find out, she can't have it because of a money situation and she is too young to have it but she said she is too scared to have an abortion if she found out she was pregnant. I agree with everything she said and I know it's tough for her but i said that she's right but you need to check yourself. I told her that tomorrow she needs to get herself checked and deal with the situation because there's nothing I could do and she stopped crying and then said that it's fine. I said to her it's not and she needs to get it sorted but she just kept repeating that it's fine. So I left and dropped her off and gave her one last hug and told her to get herself checked. Next day I decided to message her around 2pm and asked if she checked and she replied back with "no I was busy". I got really pissed off because she was crying in my car saying that she was worried about maybe being pregnant at 18 years old and I told her I was here for her and I told her the solution was to check herself and if she was pregnant go to the doctors. So I decided to ignore her for a week and then a week later we argued and she brought up that I was too harsh against her that night and I was rude to her. I got annoyed because all I did was to help her as she was in need of help and no one else helped her. I then heard from another friend that she was pissed off with me because I was focused too much on her problems and not my own. I never cared about myself so I never really wanted to talk to her about my problems I just wanted to help her about her problem but apparently she got pissed off with me trying to be a good friend and helping her.
AITA for saying all that stuff to her or is there boundaries to that type of stuff that I'm not seeing or something? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
vweE50YUudGZhN49HCe28kJwTomIChCS | at8rw5 | {
"description": "crossing & getting honked at",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for crossing & getting honked at? (Even if I did take my time) | My late bus stop is maybe a 10 minute walk to my house. There are many crosswalks en route. Most of them don't even have lights--Just a sign telling car drivers to be considerate of crossing pedestrians. All but one of these crosswalks are like this. Today, when I reached the crosswalk with the light, I pressed the button and waited.
​
While waiting, I didn't notice the orange hand (stop) turn to the white man (walk) right away. I noticed maybe three seconds later and started walking at a normal relaxed pace (I wasn't in a rush) and the countdown (flashing orange hand) started, with an indicator telling me I had 13 seconds left to finish walking to the other side. I was around halfway, when a car that I noticed had its turn signal flashing in my direction, meaning he wanted to turn onto the street that I was currently crossing. I heard this and started running. When I looked back and the car had gone, the countdown hadn't even ended, meaning I still had time to finish my cross.
​
Things for you to know:
\- The man had intended to turn right on a red light, which was allowed at this certain crosswalk (However, he probably wouldn't have been allowed to run me over, forcing him to wait for me)
\- I had pressed the cross button, and waited for permission from the light to go.
\- I didn't notice I was allowed to go right away.
\- I walked at a kind of slow pace, even though I knew I would have the time to finish crossing.
\- I was honked at, even though I had permission to cross.
​
So, am I the asshole? Or was it the guy in the car? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
WzDtiZuyjvoJEOlpP7yYZggzQWw6MYzP | arx35q | {
"description": "pretending like nothing happened between a coworker and I, when in reality we slept together a couple of weeks ago",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for pretending like nothing happened between a coworker and I, when in reality we slept together a couple of weeks ago? | So I normally operate on the basis you don't shit where you eat when it comes to dating. No-one in your friend group, no-one in your class at university, and no-one you work with. I decided to break the latter rule for a guy I work with.
We get on really well, and had spent time together outside of work on a platonic basis a few times over the last few months. We were becoming good friends as we had similar interests and we live and work in a small village so there aren't many people our age about anyway. I was a few months out of a messy relationship which involved a lot of cheating on my ex-boyfriends part, so it hadn't even crossed my mind that my co-worker was interested in anything more. There is also a slight age gap between us, me (f 25) and him (21), which to me reinforced that he wasn't interested.
Anyway two weeks ago, he invited me to go skiing and I agreed. A few days beforehand he clarified that he was hoping it would be more of a date kind of thing, which I said was fine because he is a nice genuine guy and I thought why not. The date was great, dinner was great, and long story short we slept together not too long after. Which again was totally fine.
The next day we reverted back to normal, and there was no mention of the date or any future ones. On my end it kind of felt like we were probably better suited to being friends as we lacked sexual chemistry as weird as that is to write. So we eventually had the "was that a one time thing" talk, and both agreed that it was probably best that it was given that he didn't want anything serious and I had my reservations anyway.
I thought everything was fine, and when we all went back to work I decided to alleviate the awkwardness, given we have so many mutual friends in a close knit workplace and small community, by just pretending that nothing happened and try to get everything back to normal. By pretending that nothing happened I mean, I treated him the same way I did before the date joking and talking as normal, not ignoring the date in the slightest or denying it when people asked I just downplayed it being a date to avoid it being weird. Or so I thought.
Now however he got a bit drunk last night and messaged me saying I was being cold hearted? and a bitch for pretending like nothing happened? and though I don't disagree that that is a possibility, I also thought that was the best way to handle it? So I guess I am left wondering AITA?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
0taHzDdk3MJnh66WN2mZjUgtrR64hTi6 | ax2q9a | {
"description": "not taking advantage of a friend",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not taking advantage of a friend? | This won’t be a long post and this is my first time posting here so... please, be gentle. OK! So, long story short, I’m in a Long Distance Relationship and I’m actually thinking of getting married with her because I have never felt such a connection with someone. She told me “I know how hard this can be, so... If you cheat on me, I will forgive you, just don’t take advantage of the situation.” I obviously don’t cheat because I don’t even wanna risk an actual happy life over a “culito” you know? But here’s the thing. I was expelled from my last high school and now I’m in a new one for reasons I don’t want to explain, and there’s this girl, basically my first friend in the new high school. Typical shy, artsy girl, sweet person and a beautiful heart. I complemented her drawings and that’s how we started talking, fast forward a few weeks and we are doing art trades and projects with each other like a comic and shit, but stuff is going too good for THIS GUY. The girl starts sending me signals that she is interested in me, you know, being touchy, a lot of romantic drawings of my character and her. I ignore the avances of the girl BECAUSE I’m an absolute pussy and don’t like confrontation. Then one day she decides to outright tell me if I wanted to date her. A lot of thoughts went through my mind like vocal percussions, “if I cheat on my Gf I won’t get caught”, “this is a chance that I won’t get again”, “you waited all your life for this, do it”. And between all the shitty stuff, I panicked and said the first thing to dodge the bullet.
“Sorry.... I’m gay”
She was obviously affected by this because she starts breathing heavily, the “I can’t cry here” kinda heavy. She tells me don’t worry about it, it was a dumb thing either way. I feel awful because I just broke a girls heart and I actually enjoyed being with her. Then, a few days later I get a text message from her saying how she hates me because I led her on and I used a retarded excuse to not go out with her because I’m a cheating piece of shit. “Don’t talk to me ever again”. And... honestly, I feel terrible.
TL;DR I though about cheating on my girlfriend with a friend of mine and I said I was gay at the last second just to not be an asshole, ended up breaking some poor girl’s heart. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
5vwcWhUHQdwEfZ0Lpc0MmmSVdp9vv1rC | a9zszo | {
"description": "being too lazy to maintain contact with friends and family",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being too lazy to maintain contact with friends and family? | I think I need a wake up call... I barely message my friends and usually wait for them to do it.
Not entirely sure why... I have noticed a part of me doesn't like getting dragged into conversations I have no interest in but I can quite happily prattle on about myself.
It's like... Oh your having a baby... Woop de friggin do... Oh you watched something on TV... Meh I have no interest in that...
Could be a narcissism thing... I definitely prefer talking to listening BUT I will listen when people ask for help.
It's tricky... Thoughts? (I don't mind the most brutal of honesty... I'll try not to throw up my defences against what I expect to be very thorned comments) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
y47y1xDj8X8Eb03UCZOU9U5M0UnQPwAD | b4itfc | {
"description": "getting jealous",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting jealous? | So this probably isn't the juciest story on here but I've been dating this girl for about 3 months and everything has been going good for the most part, we work together which was a big concern for her to be romantically involved with someone at work which is totally understandable. There's this other guy at work who has also been making advances towards her, which she says she doesn't like or appreciate in any way and that she is not interested in him. He comes in on days that hes not working to sit up in her office and flirt with her which is upsetting obviously. So I asked her why she doesn't just tell him that she's seeing someone right now if she doesn't want him to flirt with her all the time at work or just tell him that she's not interested in him. She is always telling me to be open with how I feel about things and so when I brought this up I wasn't expecting her to get so upset about it, I get that being jealous and insecure about this is so silly when she's already told me not to worry about it but I can't wrap my head around why she continues to flirt with him if she's not interested. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
lg0f6H9ZlSYKkdmlaYcFBstWncEtUrN2 | a4ooz8 | {
"description": "telling a friend to be straightforward with another friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling a friend to be straightforward with another friend? | First off, on mobile so sorry for formatting/spelling/grammer
So last night I was txting my best friend, lets call her K. We currently work together at the same store, but she is an advocate and I a manager. Due to unrelated corporate issues, we are both currently putting in applications elsewhere with the understanding that neither of us is expected to stay at this job for the other.
She txted me last night because she had found a job listing she was interested in that she thought she might have an in with due to a mutual friend (M). As I am a closer friend to M than K is with M, she asked me to ask for the referral for her. I told her I would be willing to do it, but that while I had no doubt M would follow through if she agreed, another mutual friend (E) (who is also closer to me than K) had applied for the same position and asked M for a referral as well a few tears back and the manager ended up giving E the run around.
K then proceeds to wonder if E would be upset at her applying for the position since he didn’t get it, and I told her that I am 99% sure he wouldn’t mind given how long ago it was, but that if she was worried to txt him to let him know you are applying.
K proceeds to tell me she just won’t tell him at all and goes ahead and applies. Now, this didn’t sit well with me mainly because in the past she had tried to set up E with a mutual friend.....only to sleep with and then start dating the guy she was setting him up with before they had even met a second time. At the time I explained to K that while she is very important to me, that I would not tolerate her acting so underhanded to my friends who are equally important to me, and that she had handled the situation extremely poorly. She understood after I explained it to her and apologies where had and things are (mostly) ok now.
Anyways, due to what happened in the past, the fact that she had expressed that she felt she should ask at least tell him, and then intentionally did not even though I have every confidence it wouldn’t be an issue with E, I flatly told her she was an adult and could what she wanted-but the whole thing felt underhanded. And reminded her she had already fucked over E once. She understood and just shot off a quick txt to him letting him know what she had done, and surprise surprise- he didn’t mind in the least.
No one has told me I was an asshole in this situation, but I also kind of feel like I overreacted a bit. I can be a bit overprotective of my friends. Also, I feel if she hadn’t specifically said she felt she should tell him and then specifically did not out of fear he would be upset by it that it wouldn’t even be an issue.
So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
F8i2gGbiK2B75zOs6E8InuTmLEHhtNIo | abwzx5 | {
"description": "telling my friend I won't be best man at his wedding a week before",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling my friend I won't be best man at his wedding a week before. | Hello reddit! My name is Kyle / Dabstep, and this is a story about the standards of friends and how I believe you should never let people treat you however they like.
​
Here we go! I have had this friend since high school (best friend, even). He is 26 and I am 25. We have been through some thick and some thin, including school jobs and drugs. We have quite the history, but this last year he has proven to me that he is less than a friend to me now. He has asked me to be his best man at his wedding recently, where he is marrying his stripper girlfriend of 8 months. I don't necessarily believe in the wedding based on the number of times they have broken up in that 8 months, but I agreed.
​
I started off this year unfortunately moving into my parents house after breaking up with my girlfriend and not being able to move into a place on my own. I would go to his house quite often during this time to play games and hang out because being around my parents is pretty much the worst.
​
Ryan lives with his Dad in the basement, where he hasn't had a stable last him a month for almost three years at this point. He survives because his Dad and his girlfriend (stripper) buy him everything he needs and makes it so he doesn't have to me motivated to do anything. I don't care about this too much as it doesn't effect me, but I can see how its changing him over the years. He hasn't tried to get a job in a very long time, and any job that he gets, he find a reason to quit it right away. The dude couldn't even deliver pizza because "the job was bs".
​
Six months into living at my parents again, the arguing has taken a turn for the worst and I am debating living in my car because it sounds better than that. I tell him about this and he agrees to move me in at 300 dollars a month for at least six months, which was great and I moved in.
​
Sometime after I move in, he notices my computer is standing up on a 20 dollar Walmart table I had just bought, and he offered to let me use a card table in place. I took it and let him use the table for his figures (this is important to the story).
​
Also important to the story: he owes me 100 dollars because I bought him a bike so that he could get to work, a job he quit after a week. Whenever I ask about the 100, he simply says "when I have a job". It has been almost six months.
​
One month later, he comes to me about how the room I am in is worth at least 700, and that I need to start paying more. This is bullshit and I argue about it but end up agreeing to pay 400 dollars per month. During this whole time I am unable to use the laundry, unable to store food anywhere, and getting blamed for food that is going missing (none of which was my doing).
​
Another month in, he really starts hinting that he wants me to pay 600 or he wants me out sooner than 6 months. I told him that I don't have anywhere to go and that I am not moving into my parents house who I had just moved out of and his response is "that sucks dude, start looking".
​
In the beginning of the last month, I am coming home from my girlfriends house to see what he is up to, asking to hang out and play some games. He mentioned he was eating tacos, so I told him about how I had just eaten a breakfast burrito. Before I was able to continue and say that my girlfriend had made it for me at her house, he interjects and starts screaming at me "oh so you fucking at my burrito this morning? you are a piece of shit and you need to be out by the end of the month." I try to say what is going on but he hangs up and texts me that he isn't going to put up with my bullshit anymore and that he told his dad, and his dad now wants me out." (for context, the missing burrito was out of a freezer pack of 8 el montereys)
​
So I reluctantly set up to move in with my girlfriend into the smallest room that is now going to be shared. Three days before I move out, he comes to me and says "hey man I am kind of an asshole about kicking you out over the burrito, if you need another month you can stay" which is ridiculous to say to someone after they have been setting up to move out for the last few weeks. I say no and move out, in which I give him his card table back but don't ask for my table back because I didn't have anywhere to put it and he was conveniently using it.
​
Fast forward three months to today, I have moved into my own house in a nice part of town, am living alone, but am very broke because of how much money I just had to put down on this place. I text him a few days ago "hey man, is there any way I can get that table back? my TV is standing on a very crappy nightstand and I could really use it back." He is now saying that I gave it to him when I moved out, which I never did and would never have done. I have no furniture so I am not about to give out what little is mine. He has multiple tables to put all of his little things on. I have two for my computer and TV. I explain this to him and he is not having it. He believes that because I used him as "public storage" for months for the table that it his now his and that I am "Indian-giving" as he said to me word-for-word. How do you argue with a 26 year old person that uses that term?
​
So I asked him one more time today if I am ever going to see that table and he said "Nah man like I said indian giving, buy yourself another table at Walmart" to which I replied "enjoy the table, find yourself a new best man".
​
Was this the right choice? AITA? Thanks for taking the time to read this! Sorry I am not an English major, nor have I done any school in the last few years so bear with my grammar!
​
TLDR: "best friend" kicks me out over burrito I didnt eat, refuses to give me back a table when he owes me 100 dollars on top of it. I tell him I won't stand at his wedding that is in 6 days.
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
rnANja91GJDODnjSzG7Pu2c0KVTcoGI2 | asc4zv | {
"description": "wanting to drive home alone",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for wanting to drive home alone? | So I was walking to my car just this afternoon after my shift, when I heard someone calling my name. I recognized the voice to be that of my workmate. I gave him a ride yesterday and he was... talkative. I kept walking and acted like I didn't hear him at all. When i got into the car, i saw him going the other way until he went out of sight. But then i saw him again as i was driving out of the compound and he was eyeing my car, but i just drove past him.
I enjoy my alone time in the car, I like listening to the same songs over and over again. It's kind of my therapy after a long stressful day at work. Sorry. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
54uWwPqsxKOPmgHcjRP5tu32trpJluD8 | adnucn | {
"description": "keeping money recieved from a sexual assult case in a seperate account which my boyfriend thinks he should have since I'm not using it",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for keeping money recieved from a sexual assult case in a seperate account which my boyfriend thinks he should have since I'm not using it? | Some background: I'm with him 7 years, he earns more money than me and never has an issue with me spending his - then again I'm not a big spender. We save my wage and spend his. The credit card is in his name and we both have a card each to use so he isn't tight with cash usually.
The assult was a few years ago and I got a little money from the man. I didnt want it, I was just told by the police to accept it as it wouldn't go far in court and the particular judge we have doesn't take those cases seriously. They said I was better off to settle out of it.
The fight: My boyfriend and I had an argument about it today and he reckons since I'm not using it, I should give it to him since I use his money and because I don't know what to do with it.
It's sitting there because the thought of it makes me feel uncomfortable and icky. Plus him pressuring me feels like the police pressuring me to accept it. I think it's very weird and off that a man would want to spend the money his girlfriend got from someone who assulted her!
Am I the asshole for not giving it to him and keeping it seperate from our finances?
To note:
1. I have used some of the money on a last minute trip home. The most of it is still sitting there. I figured this was a good thing to come out of it.
2. I was together with my boyfriend when it happened. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
I5cbelnSHSocI3qxcLJAlb4vgPBtsBrH | 9yufdl | {
"description": "not reading a letter written by a coworker discussing his daughter's battle with leukemia",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA: not reading a letter written by a coworker discussing his daughter’s battle with leukemia | Disclaimer: I’ve been at this company for about 1 month. I’ve never met this coworker (except a brief “nice to meet you” during orientation) and we likely won’t work directly together at any point.
Our COO sent out an email for thanksgiving, thanking us for our contribution to the team and reflecting on trying to be more thankful in general. Attached to the email was a letter written by an employee about his daughter’s leukemia.
I did not read it. These kind of things always bum me out. I saw the picture of her, looking really sick and I noped out of Outlook immediately. Not trying to play victim too hard but Thanksgiving is already a semi-hard time for me because I have been excommunicated by my family over religious differences and I just didn’t need that additional emotional toll right now. I don’t know this guy. It’s not like I would read it and then feel moved to contact him. That’s not something I would do. I really didn’t think it would bother anyone to not read it.
Another coworker asked me if I saw read the letter and I told her no. I should have lied and said yes. Lots of people were moved to tears by the letter. Word has spread that I didn’t read it and now it has become a thing. I’m now the guy who couldn’t be bothered to take the time to read this heartfelt, touching letter and I’m getting the feeling people think I’m a real asshole. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
f1Ftpw7Tqfr8Lqph2u0asLqKm0nx5j1m | aflkdo | {
"description": "getting defensive with my (ex) girlfriends nurse for the wrong course of action for treatment",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA: Am I the asshole for getting defensive with my (ex) girlfriends nurse for the wrong course of action for treatment? | So I was in a relationship with this sweet girl for six months (I am a 23 year old lesbian), and it was this interaction with the nurse that has put the last nail on the coffin:
Short backstory on me: Call me "N". I'm still trying to find out who I really am inside (finding the right job, home, destiny, etc). It was only less than a year ago that I have found out that I liked girls after I have had a bad time with guys (I was bisexual then). My temperament was only on the short end only when I see something I think is wrong, or when things do not go the way I expect.
Now here is my ex: Lets call her "K". From what she told me, she has severe depression and panic attacks. But when she was not feeling down/scared, she is kind, affectionate, and creative. Rarely gets angry, and always listens when I have issues. So she might seem like she would tolerate me no matter what? Well, this is where the story begins, then, fellow redditors, ask this, "Am I really an asshole?"
So I was over at my girlfriends house the other day, and she told me she has been having suicidal thoughts. I knew K was suicidal and I was scared to leave her alone (her parents would not give two shits about her if she was having these kinds of thoughts). So me and her went over to the nearby emergency room and got checked in. The hospital did the usual thing like checking her vitals and asking questions.
When it was time for me to leave the room for the social worker to talk to her about the more intimate things, I left and waited for a few minutes. Then I came back in and here is how the conversation went (from memory):
N: "So, what is the plan baby? Are they checking you into the behavioral facility?"
Nurse: "So K and the social worker have come to a conclusion that she does not need to be checked into the behavior facility, she is going to give a call to her consular and make an appointment with him".
Now for a little more background: K does not have a car, so she cannot drive herself to her appointments (nor do I have much time out of my day to just drive her back and forth to her appointments), and her parents whom she lives with still works. And whenever she schedules an appointment, she does NOT put it down on a calendar and then the place she sees would get angry at her for not showing up and refusing to reschedule her. So JUST scheduling her for another visit? You might as well be pissing on a wildfire. And another thing is, is that I use to be suicidal myself, and had been checked into the emergency behavioral facility in that EXACT hospital before.
Now, hearing that, I got a little too far off the deep end:
N: "Why the fuck not?!?"
Nurse: "K made her decision, and you should respect that, it is only up to the hospital and her to decide what is best for her", "Now, I will leave you and K to talk this out".
\*K looks at me as to acknowledge what the nurse said was true\*
Now I thought that the nurse left the room, so I said this to K:
N: "Wow, what a bitch".
Nurse: \*comes back into the room\* "Excuse me, what did you say to me?! Say that to my face!", "It is the hospitals decision to decide what is best for their patients, not anyone else's", "now, you may have an opinion, but in the end, it is not up to you". And she slams the door.
K: \*looking at me with great disappointment\* "N, that was really uncalled for, if you have another outburst like that in front of me SPECIFICALLY again, I will break up with you".
Now, I am a very emotional and expressive individual and always have been. I couldn't believe what my girlfriend said to me, and I just started crying softly. And being the nice person she is, she apologized and we made it up and went back to my car.
A few weeks later: I never had another outburst like that. But one day, through Facebook message, she said she wanted to end the relationship. I looked back at the event that happened prior, and realized what I've done. So, like the ballsy person I am, I went to her home for the last time to do the breakup properly. I gave her the Christmas present I was going to give her (because it was close to the holidays), and the last words I have said to her was a tearful "Merry Christmas". To this day, I felt ashamed of myself for me being the cause of the breakup.
Am I the asshole for being the cause of the end of this relationship? Why or why not? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
dDOKo6w7bBK2wz00JfzsnR9wPCXezRw4 | ahbpd0 | {
"description": "making my african american intern work on MLK Jr Day? she was one of three picked at random",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for making my African American intern work on MLK Jr Day? She was one of three picked at random. | Try to do as much background as relevant. I work for a small engineering firm which subcons for a fortune 500 company which makes parts that go into nearly every mobile device made by one of the biggest companies on the planet. I was promoted to manager back in November and think I'm way over my head because I really like the tech stuff but not so good with people.
So one of our devices is having an issue and my department's job is to fix the problem. We are under a super tight deadline because when the biggest company on the planet wants to release their next "big thing" on time, we don't want to be the holdup. Problem came to us last Thursday, boss had a deadline o this coming Wednesday when we are supposed to fly to our customers headquarters and explain our fix. I called my team in over last weekend and we actually made so much progress that I thought we were well on our way. My boss told me to bring in my team on Monday so we could prepare to brief him Tuesday before we flew out Wednesday. I don't think he remembered Monday is supposed to be a holiday.
So I made the decision that I really didn't need all six of my people (4 full timers, 2 paid interns but all essentially doing the same job) so I explained to everyone that I needed 3 people. I also said that this was a tremendous opportunity because they get to brief our CEO and potentially the CEO of a fortune 500 company so if any really WANTED to work on the holiday, please speak up. Also if any of them really didn't want to work, please speak up. No one spoke up as preference for either. This was Monday and every day since I would either mention in person or over email that I was still waiting for volunteers. I told them that if I didn't have any volunteers, I was just putting names in a hat and picking at random. No one objected or volunteered.
So last night I literally wrote names on pieces of paper, put them in my coffee mug and drew three names and emailed the "lucky" people and all the sudden all hell broke loose. One of the names I picked is our very talented African American interns. I was actually very relieved she was one of the one's I picked because while she's not the most technically capable, she is one that I can give a task to and she will get it to the 99% solution without any questions or intervention.
Well she was deeply offended that I was making her work on MLK day. She claimed that I was singling her out and went above my head direct to my boss. I was called into his office and was asked to explain why I picked just her. I explained that I didn't just pick her, I picked two others as well and that I offered everyone a chance to either work or not work multiple times over the week and no one, including this intern spoke up. My boss accused me of being "tone deaf" and then we went to speak with his boss who again asked me to explain. When I explained that I picked at random, she told me (paraphrasing) "this is one of those times when your random pick shouldn't have been exactly random...do you understand what I'm saying?" I told her that I was really sorry but I didn't and she said that I had a bad attitude and was trying to pin her into saying something she shouldn't say. So she is really pissed with me and she gave the intern the day off, basically going over my head.
So no either I pick someone else or I work 20 hours on Monday to get this project done before we brief the CEO on Tuesday. I feel like such an asshole for all this, maybe not for my process but for the outcome.
AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
Nv6zxf2wOAuT1BM2JdwFFMyz0UkhfvvL | 9y4e3p | {
"description": "making a dark joke about the California wildfires",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA because I made a dark joke about the California wildfires? | Basically I said this would be a great time to kill someone and burn the body and dump the ashes, my friends said that was really fucked up.
We were watching a bunch of unsolved murder cases on YouTube so I felt like it was relevant and I was just fucking around but am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
I3XotxDgHVrgWhFBxGuQllltpn0Mbfnq | b7wjlr | {
"description": "not wanting/letting my dog lay all over me during a fucking car ride? he keeps moving around on me and can never find the most comfortable position",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA? Am I the asshole for not wanting/letting my dog lay all over me during a fucking car ride? He keeps moving around on me and can never find the most comfortable position. | and while I was typing this my dog tried to put his head over my hand as if he was trying to read what I was typing. Cute and all, but dude can I have some own personal space!? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
VKwrbPMqtEsmYzNFYfPOtPD1kQhSImHO | b6omqk | {
"description": "not going out to dinner with my parents",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not going out to dinner with my parents? | This happened ages ago when i started high school but based on my parents reaction i still haven't forgotten it or came to a conclusion.
Like i said above, it was the first day of high school which meant new school with new people that i didn't know. All these people were a year older than me and because they did a prep year they all knew each other.
I have social anxiety, back then it was way worse. As a result, i just sat by my desk and browsed stuff on my phone. Every now and then i would hear people mumbling and whispering stuff about me. I couldn't hear exactly what they were saying but hearing my name or "the new guy" was enough to stress me.
After this horrible first day, i head back home. I genuinely felt sick. Didn't have the energy to do anything. I went straight to bed and tried to get some sleep. Couple hours later my dad comes back from work and rushes to my room.
"Hey! How was your first day? Let's go somewhere nice, have dinner and celebrate!"
I was still very tired and felt like crap. The idea that i had to go there again tomorrow and experience it again was killing me inside. I politely said no. I made it clear that i felt like crap and just wanted to stay at home. My dads face went from the happiest, most exited man on the planet to the angriest, most disappointed man in a matter of seconds.
He then calls me a jerk and slams my door shut, like really fast. So fast the coat hanger that i attached to it fell on the floor. I thought that was gonna be it but no. I could hear him shouting the nastiest shit that anyone's ever used to describe me in the next room. Selfish was the most used. After a few mins pass, my mom comes in and usually she comforts me when me and dad argue over things or he gets pissed at me but this time, she also did call me selfish.
"He was all exited about you starting high school and wanted to have a nice evening out. It was selfish of you to reject him." she said.
I get it completely that he wanted to bond as a family and have a nice evening outside after hours and hours of work and commute. However i really felt sick that day. It was about 7 hours of being very uncomfortable. I felt like i had a fever. The class wasn't hot and i didn't have any thicc clothing and i still felt like i was burning. The second i was out of it, i ran home where i was comfortable and wanted some rest.
Ever since this happened, i every now and then think about it for hours. Was i really in the wrong? I don't usually look forward to spending time with my parents as we have very different mind sets. Different taste in about EVERYTHING you can imagine. But, i am their son and we love each other even if we don't get along well. I don't want to make them sad so i usually agree to hang out. That day, i really felt horrible and tired. I was tired yet couldn't sleep.
We are cool now btw. This was a while ago. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
qwlBwMczXna2OVyh1JeArVllaI4xGVd7 | axttjp | null | AITA. Mother In Law Pushing the Boundaries | First I want to start with that I am extremly grateful that my in laws watch my kids while my husband and I work. They don't ask us to pay them or anything, but lately I feel like my mother in law is crossing some lines.
For clarification, my husband has two kids from a previous marriage that live about 45 minites away from us. My in laws will sometimes take the kids to visit their brother and sister. I am all for it, but today I lost my shit.
So, today my mother in law texts me around 3 PM letting me know that they are going to visit and they will bring the kids home after. Apparently they are having a BBQ with my step kids. At this point I am a little peeved. She literally gave me no notice, which would be fine except my husbands ex wife wont let my kids in the house. I don't know why either. Anyway, without notice I was not able to pack my kids warm clothes and their heavy coats. They had their sweaters and thats it. Where I live it gets to be about 40 degrees but windy. I freeze if I stand outside for too long. My kids are 3 and 1!!!
Here I am and its almost 8 PM, still waiting for my kids to come home. I called and texted my mother in law with no answer as to where they are. My kids have a bedtime of 8 and they get their baths every night. Am I the Asshole for being pissed about all of this. I know when I confront my mother in law she is going to throw it in my face about babysitting without pay, and taking the kids when they are in their care. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
LUyQ5WKxblpNeE0Vo7SkW5Av9C9avrHk | b8o6ka | {
"description": "not letting my 5 year old neighbor hold my pet hedgehog",
"pronormative_score": 65,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not letting my 5 year old neighbor hold my pet hedgehog? | First time poster here with a moral dilemma.
*Backstory: I own a pet hedgehog named Loki.He needed to have an eye surgically removed recently and has finally recovered, but needless to say has been through a lot of stress. (Surgery, anesthetics, vet visits, antibiotics, etc.)
My vet posted his story to Facebook, with my permission, because hedgehogs are fairly unusual as pets and she was proud of saving his life. This is all fine, personally I don’t use Facebook but apparently the post got a lot of traction within our community.
Apparently, our neighbors saw the post as well and showed the pictures of my little companion to their 5 year old son.
*Side note: I’m not close to my neighbors, just the occasional hello.*
Just today, the father rang the doorbell and asked about Loki, referring to the post. It was kind of them to check up on him and I told them that he was doing well, to which he asked if they could see him. More specifically, if his son could see him.
I understand that he is a rare pet and am aware of how exciting he must be to a kid, so I agreed.
I asked them to come back later in the evening, since Loki is nocturnal and I avoid waking him up during the daytime (this was around 2PM, in Loki-time that’s like being shaken awake at 2AM)
He agreed and came back around 4:30ish (PM), with their son. He was really excited about seeing my hedgehog, so I let them in and brushed over the fact that they ignored my request. Loki wouldn’t be happy about me waking him up this early, but it would be fine. Plus, I don’t know the kids schedule, so maybe anything later wouldn’t have worked.
I led everyone to my room and gently lifted the fleece blanket off my grumpy hedgie. After a while, he calms down.
The kid *looses his shit*. I mean excited squealing, jumping up and down, etc. This startled Loki and he curled up into a hissing ball (they’re easy to startle), to which I picked him up to calm him down.
The parents then ask if their son can hold him as well. He gets even more excited.
Here’s where I want to know if I was the asshole: Hedgehog spikes can hurt when they’re defensive, and I wouldn’t trust a kid that young not to drop him out of fright. My hedgehog doesn’t know his scent and the kid was very fidgety prior to this, so I was concerned that this would scare Loki and lead to him being held improperly or dropped. And most importantly, I didn’t want to risk any further stress after his surgery story.
I was polite, but firm when I said no.
The kid was upset, but ultimately understood and thanked me gloomily for showing him my pet. Despite being unhappy about not being allowed to hold him, but took it very gracefully. (Especially for a kid that young!)
Here’s the thing: When we were at the door, the mom pulled me aside and told me that it was unnecessary of me to refuse her sons wish and that I had made him upset. She still thanked me, but shook her head as she left.
Am I the asshole? Could I have handled it better? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 64,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 65,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
bPYGr4DlW0fPIFDvIWbHA4leUs7MBU4e | az8cg7 | {
"description": "breaking up w/ my bf of 8 months (now ex) for telling me he is into incest",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA breaking up w/ my bf of 8 months (now ex) for telling me he is into incest? | I'm 20F, I was dating him for 8 months and after few months dating, he told me some weird fetishes like incest, anal, and threesome. I'm not into any of them obviously, yet incest is ILLEGAL in where I am. After like 2 weeks heavily thinking about it, I decided to break up with him. It's for my future sake because I always think about the future and I don't want my kids are threatened by that. Did I do the right thing? Just want opinion for you guys. Ty | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
HWXNkNh7S3wsrUiZp5HSD3yekDCI3k3O | a58yr1 | {
"description": "nearly riding into a woman",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for nearly riding into a woman | This happened quite a while ago but my brain reminds me of it everyday because there's one nagging question AITA?
It was my 13th birthday and I had a new bike, hurray! So I decided to ride it through the forest on the bike path. But first to get there I had to go up a large and steep hill. All was well and I had a fun time.
(Quick side note the bike paths in my town take up half the pavement, one half for pedestrians the other for cyclists)
The day was beginning to end so I decided to head home. The hill I had once climbed I could now rocket down, so i was looking forward to it. And then it started.
I began flying down the path and after a few seconds I noticed something ahead, it was a woman with a large dog staring at her phone walking in the bike lane. Huh? I didn't have a bell, and i was only getting closer so I decided to yank on my brakes. They worked well, too well because they also threw me off my bike (I was fine).
At this point I wasn't very amused. So imagine my shock when the woman says under her breath things like:
'you were so close to hitting me'
'really how didn't you see me'
'children like you shouldn't be able to ride their bikes you could have really hurt me'
At this point I was quite unhappy so I said something foul under my breath as I was picking my bike up and getting ready to leave, she heard it and was getting more angry so I just left.
So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ZjN74ylliosqACeeDIX1tJjHVUEgeLLc | ak7z8k | {
"description": "hitting a parked car and leaving",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for hitting a parked car and leaving? | I arrived at a parking lot really early in the morning and parked within the lines when I came back to my car to leave the car next to me was within my lines and had cramped me in. When was trying to get out I accidentally hit the end of his car I got out and there was no damage but the car alarm was on I’m a new driver and don’t want to risk losing my license or my insurance going up and since there was no damage I just left. I told my sister and she said I was an ass for leaving. So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 12
} | WRONG |
0RDlzXXv397VZOZrcq63YXQAndrPDfFi | ajtdzx | {
"description": "refusing to give my mother money to help with bills",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | WIBTA if I refused to give my mother money to help with bills? | I'm 18 and I live at home with my mother and older brother (26). I'm the only one who currently has a job.
My mother recives disability, child support and adoption subsidy.
She also suffers from chronic pain that makes her incapable of working outside the home. She had a temporary at home job back in October/November that she ended up quiting due to difficulties with the company and the work load being hard on her body.
Before she got this job I loaned her $700 to help with bills. She said she'd pay me back $300 from her first pay check and $400 from her second.
Most of last year i was also giving her $200 a month to help with a bill. This stopped when she got the job.
I've only seen about $300 from the $700.
And last month I gave her another $300 to help with the mortgage.
So she owes me $600+
This morning she starts talking about how she doesn't have enough money to cover this and that and so on.
I was telling her yesterday my plan to save up all my money the next few months so I can buy a car. I need a car so I can commute to school and work once my first semester of community college starts in the fall.
Would I be the asshole if I refused to loan her more money?
I'm about to start college and I need to save up as much money as possible.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
IsMHw90QHiP37YD5YBn6ie4FaBs68jO3 | asxwxi | {
"description": "getting another kid to set up my tent",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for getting another kid to set up my tent? | first time, and everyones name is changed, etc.
​
I am in boy scouts, and before each camping outing we set up the tents to see if they work. I was setting one up with another kid, he we'll call Russell. He was playing around, and wasn't trying to set it up. After like 5 minutes a kid we shall call Harry says "Wow. You guys are so bad." to which i reply "you want to set it up, go for it if you think you are that good." He basically just sets it up for us. It was really cold, and me and my friend both didn't want to do it. Was I being manipulative, or is it ok to do that? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
fsuRzkbn5vxjyDLv6JeCPiDf7kdFMQsI | b1gt9v | null | AITA Senior wanting IP from a class group project | I am a senior in college taking a class with a senior project. I had to pay for the class obviously but I also payed lab fees for this course about $250. As it has been described to me multiple times by the professor the purpose of the lab fees is to pay the necessary fees for the senior project. The class has been split into groups of 4 and each group has been alloted $1,000 from the lab fees to pay for any necessary expenses.
A few months ago a company reached out to my university and said hey we want this project to be done can you help and my professor said yeah. My professor pitches this company's vague idea to us and our group says yeah we will do that.
We get into contact with them and they say that they have an additional $5,000 to throw at our project, but they also want everyone to sign an NDA and to release all rights to anything made.
The other 3 people in my group are all fine with it and just want an "A" in the class but I said I wanted a piece of the pie. Quite specifically I asked for 5% of the IP based off of the $250/$6000=4.17% and I'm doing everything for the project so round it to 5%
Late last week the company shipped in an item worth roughly $150 this was after I expressed my concerns that I wanted a piece of the pie but they were like you need this part here you go. None of my group project members have signed anything yet.
Earlier this week my professor sends me an email saying to meet him in his office so we can talk and I explain to him that I want part of what we build. He tells me I can either change groups (which would mean I have wasted my time on what I have done and I guarantee will reflect in my grade for the course if I change groups especially considering there are only 5 weeks left in this course) or I need to essentially walk away with nothing because "the company won't agree to letting you have part of the IP"
One of the arguments the professor brought up for why they won't let us have part of the property is they could just hire someone to do it and I don't disagree that they could; however, If they wanted to build it themselves they would be paying someone for at least 3 weeks of 40 hour/week work plus and the platform owned by the university that we are using to create this is worth \~ 4,500 and the extra pieces are worth roughly \~ 1,000 except for one other piece that we will be skipping worth \~ 12,500 that would be needed for the final version I understand we won't get a final version but we will be able to get something.
My professor also said he doesnt think its likely any IP will come of this project are low and that I just shouldn't worry about it but I highly disagree that I should not fight this on the grounds that nothing might come out of this | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
KN8KUZefCabHAekrAPMiXnKiqQabobHD | b3evle | null | AITA: Yelled at Guy for Returning a misdelivered package? | Some background: I live in an apartment complex where occasionally package deliverers get confused, as my shipping address is not my front door. Its basically a collection of buildings, the shipping address is my mailbox. When getting packages, the deliverers need to find my marked building to bring it to my door. This has been somewhat of an issue, where a couple times a package has been returned to the sender over the course of 3 months. I am normally alone in my apartment that I share with a boyfriend and his brother during the day, and won't open doors to people if I'm alone.
What happened: I was woken up suddenly by banging on my apartment door and repeated doorbell rings. I was very confused, and raced out of bed after glancing at my phone to look at the time and putting on a robe. My phone had an amazon picture of my package delivered at the door. I then looked out my peephole, and not seeing anyone, opened the door. There was no package on the ground, but a man was walking across the parking lot holding a package. I yelled "Hey, did you take that package?" The man then turns around and starts walking back to where I was. He did not say anything. I yelled again "Did you take my package?" As he got closer, I could see that the package was opened. Again, I yelled "That's illegal, you can't do that!" The man finally yells back "This was delivered to my door, my wife is pregnant, we're waiting for some balloon and we opened it thinking it was ours!" I said again "That's illegal, you can't do that" My next move would've been to threaten to call the cops, as there is a policeman who lives in the same few apartment buildings. At that point, the man says again "It was delivered to the wrong door!" This is where I finally understood the situation and said "Okay, okay" as the man kept saying "It was delivered to the wrong door" and continued to defend himself. I took the package and started to walk back to my apartment, and the man did the same.
​
My yelling was never very aggressive, but I did yell. I feel bad for yelling, but I was also so confused and thrown off by the whole situation. Being home alone puts me on edge, and I felt threatened. I later looked more closely at the picture that was on Amazon of the delivered package and it was at the wrong address. However, I have trouble understanding why they would open a package that they did not get a notification of delivery for. Am I the asshole for yelling at this guy who may have just been being a good neighbor? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 11
} | WRONG |
ZDP6g1clUt9DxwftHGa7qbl9WlFb412u | aztrqn | {
"description": "telling my parents I won't come to their house unless my brother leaves or gets help",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for telling my parents I won't come to their house unless my brother leaves or gets help | So my brother (30) moved back in with my parents two years ago. He was living out of state and got surgery, and so had to move home because he couldn't work anymore at his former occupation. Things are always fine, but he has very different political views than my other siblings and I. That's fine, everyone is entitled to their opinion. However, he constantly tries to start a political conversation, and rather than have a debate, he just starts yelling his opinion. Again, fine, if that's how you want to act as an adult that's your choice. Last time I was there it started with a discussion on medical marijuana, and how employers shouldn't be able to hold it against you. Which I agree with. it then spiraled out of control with statements like "the green new deal the stupid Dems are pushing will outlaw planes". Now, I don't really follow politics that much, but I have my opinions. My response was that I don't think that's what it says, I don't think anyone wants to outlaws planes, because that simply doesn't even sound like a rational position. But I admitted that I wasn't really informed of the situation, but made the argument that it sounded far fetched. Now he starts yelling, got up and pushed me. I apologized to my parents and told them I won't be coming back until he either gets help or moves out. I know politics are particularly nasty right now, but it's absurd to think that I can't go see my own parents without worrying about being physically assulted. I sent him a text saying we have an infinite number of things we can talk about that aren't politics, and we should refrain from any further discussion. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
crF7hfCryQKO2oS4F6e5Hk8ZaRrrapfe | b8oks3 | {
"description": "expecting my friend and her boyfriend to help me pay for my laptop they broke",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for expecting my friend and her boyfriend to help me pay for my laptop they broke? | Last post went over the character limit when I added a TL;DR and got deleted, so here it is again a little shorter.
A few months ago I was doing homework at a friend's apartment and eating dinner while I worked. I was on the floor, which was carpeted, and had a cup of water with me. Now, I intentionally put the water far away from my stuff because I didn't want to run the risk of it spilling and ruining my electronics or notes.
The friend whose apartment I was at (J) was hanging out with her boyfriend (B) that night. At one point, they started roughhousing like usual, and when J went for the takedown, my cup of water got kicked over and sent across the floor towards my stuff. At first I didn't think that the water had gotten on my computer aside from a few droplets on the screen, that it had just sunk into the carpet and that was that. So I cleaned up the spill and went back to work. A few minutes later however, my laptop froze up, and then went to a black screen.
I freaked out, asked if J had rice, she said she didn't, so I rushed home and brought back rice that I had, but not before giving very specific instructions to everyone there that nobody touch the laptop until I get back. Well, when I got back about 10 minutes later, B proudly announced that he had gotten it to turn back on. But it was on a weird screen that I'd never seen before, and I know when an electronic gets wet that you're not supposed to mess with the power. So I freaked again, threw it in the rice, and hoped for the best. But, when I took it to the Apple store the next day, I was told the entire inside was flooded and that I would have to foot the $1400 bill.
First I called my parents, and they agreed to cover it up front because I simply didn't have that kind of money. But I knew I needed to pay them back, so I called J immediately after and explained the situation, and that since her and B did it, that I'd like if they helped me pay the cost. She agreed to help, but sounded somewhat reluctant.
We're all college sophomores, J has a job and gets huge discounts on housing, and B receives a lot of financial support from his parents. I don't have a job, I just get financial aid every month. After the next pay day after the incident, J gave me $45. That's the only money I've seen. When I ask, J and B either don't respond, or say something to the effect of, "if your parents have already covered it then why are we giving you money?" or that they earn their money and they shouldn't have to pay for my laptop.
So I'm a little fed up, and I really need them to help me out. They haven't outright called me an asshole, but the way they act about it tells me they think it. I hate asking over and over again, because I know that even though they work/get money, we're all broke college kids, but $45 out of $1400 is ridiculous. So, AITA for expecting that they pay for half of it, and insisting that they do? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
l1g2Al21cpo3L5Ck2HXcdQZstRtKIYEr | a8jeoe | {
"description": "falling back asleep while my roommate threw up",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for falling back asleep while my roommate threw up? | My roommate drank too much the night before, then woke me up (a few hours before my alarm) by puking into his garbage bin. I knew that throwing up the morning after drinking was definitely a bad sign but I honestly had no sympathy towards him just because he didn’t know when to stop. I just went back to sleep because I didn’t feel like dealing with it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Yc71bL6MbIiDdp7bIp6KzYI8XweA6ia2 | b8u4a7 | {
"description": "refusing to kiss my gf",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing to kiss my gf | We've been going out for about a month now and have talked about my dislike of kissing many times.
It confuses a lot of people.
I just don't like kissing. It's gross to me. I've never enjoyed it. There's exceptions. I'm okay with a playful kiss to the cheek and such but actual kissing is gross.
The idea isn't. And I've explained this to her. I love the idea and the visuals of two people kissing and *that* really does turn me on. But if you and *me* to kiss someone or someone to kiss me I would find the idea repulsive.
When I do kiss someone it's because I have to (theatre, and then it makes sense I'm not too enthusiastic about it as it's mostly kissing men and I'm a lesbian) or we're having sex and I feel obligated to partake in a ritual that most of the sexually active population finds important and attractive.
So now my gf is mad at me for not kissing her and thinks she's unattractive to me. Which is not my intent. Kissing is gross regardless the person I'm with.
AITA. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
TejRCXO8dCMUPWtdcyeLw9gfLRXY0CYy | b285zg | null | AITA? While we were in a room alone together, husband started touching himself. It pissed me off. NSFW | Throwaway.
I’m trying to leave out the editorial and just state the facts.
Husband (M 40s) and I (F late 30s) have been married 20 years. I think we have a healthy sex life (multiple times a week, sometimes multiple times a day, even).
There are errands we need to run today. I asked him if how soon we were leaving because I needed to get dressed. Then I started going through the clothes basket. “What are you doing? I already put clothes out for you upstairs.”
He likes when I wear certain clothes. If I don’t like whatever he put out, I’ll just wear something else.
I looked over at him and he was playing with himself.
That pissed me off and he doesn’t understand why. He thinks he should be able to express himself in his own home. It was just the two of us, he should be allowed to show his wife he’s attracted to her. He doesn’t understand why I reacted the way I did.
I asked him what was the purpose of him doing that. According to him, there was no purpose. He wasn’t doing it to get a response from me. I could have just ignored him. Instead, I chose to get upset.
Tell me, Reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 4
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
eXA2v7vbyT6r6f4DmY4886A8cuGQH8dY | b7y70e | {
"description": "wanting to see my boyfriends text messages",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for wanting to see my boyfriends text messages? | is it wrong to ask to see text messages as proof? boyfriend is housesitting and said he doesnt want to be out past 930PM. I dropped him off after hanging at like 925 and go to get gas, but he left his phone in the car and his friend texted him saying "hey so sorry im so beat :(" at like 930ish and so when I saw him dropping his phone back I mentioned it and sped away kind of dramatically cuz I was like how is there another explanation - clearly you have plans after 930 and aren't telling me. and I kind of wouldnt believe him till he showed me the messages. I trust my man but I have a weird gut feeling about this. Am I the asshole for demanding to see messages in order to believe him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
WMQLfFBW5OQYAQymbU8WGUaHnfMXaG58 | b5dlne | {
"description": "wanting my girlfriend to go to the gym",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for wanting my girlfriend to go to the gym? | I'm sure this has been answered here before but I guess every situation is different.
My gf has put on a bit of weight over winter and has repeatedly said she'll go to the gym before summer to get back in shape. Well, she's yet to go even though I've tried to encourage her and help wherever possible.
I should add that she isn't new to the gym, she used to go all the time last year and over summer (coincidentally when we met), which annoys me a bit, as it's like she was more bothered about her body when single than now.
I go to the gym 3/4 times a week and am in decent shape, so may be being a little harsh, but it'd make me a lot happier (and her too as she complains she's put on weight) if she at least tried to go.
I said outright that I would like her to go and to no surprise she got upset.
AITA?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
GBVYP8rr9Msevo86nYbrVVjIN7wviWk5 | 9zmq9a | {
"description": "kicking my friend out of my apartment",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for kicking my friend out of my apartment? | Okay so this story happened years ago but still eats away to me to this day...
I have a solid friend group that goes back since early college (we're in our mid 20's). Some of our friend group has left our city, but will usually come back to visit. Our one buddy, "Jim" was hoping to move back to our city and asked to crash out our place while he looked for a job (my roommate also is also in the same friend group) which of course was cool with us.
Jim ends up staying with us for about almost a month still job hunting, but this isn't a problem as he's our friend, he's chill and isn't messy. But, my roommate and I have both know that he has a sister in our city and ask each other why he isn't staying with her? We never bring this up to him because we don't want him to feel unwelcome - again not a problem at this point.
This is a good time to point out some aspects of Jim's personality. He's a pretty quiet guy, but always comes through with a funny quip or funny roast on one of our friends. He will sometimes joke about being smarter or better than other people, including our friends, but I always thought this was funny. For the record he is smart, I just sort of took at him hamming it up. Though he generally keeps to himself and is private, he's been with our group through a lot, he's just never really come out of his shell and been as super warm and open with us as we are with each other. But this is something we just accepted about him, it was never a problem. I think we all individually thought he was just closer to someone else in the group.
This brings us to the incident. Our whole group was out drinking, which is a regular occurrence. We're walking a pretty long distance to the next bar and we've all seemed to scatter in small groups toward our destination. I'm sort of walking on my own and Jim and our other friend, "Dennis", are walking ahead of me. At this point we're all pretty drunk, myself included so this is where things get a little complicated.
I catch up to Jim and Dennis and we start talking. Dennis sort of falls behind us a little, but we all get in sight of the rest of our group. Me and Jim fall into kind of a deep conversation about humanity and the bigger picture. This is when Jim says something along the lines of "Humans are stupid. People mean nothing to me." This took me aback because it was such a cold statement. I thought he was kidding at first, but it just was not the right context for this joke. I say "what did you say?" and he repeats "people mean nothing to me" I pointed to our friends and asked "what about them?" to which he shrugged.
At this point I just lost it. Keep in mind, this guy has never once said something positive or loving towards our warm and inviting crew and this is the first thing I hear from him about it. I felt betrayed because I was letting him stay with me, and from what he just said, to me, sounded like our friendship meant nothing to him. Considering this was the guy that was crashing at my house, my hospitality felt undeserved and kind of silly for me to continue at this point.
I told him "If that's how you feel, I don't want you staying at my apartment." He asks if I'm serious, which I say yes and I storm of to join my group. Dennis, who was just behind us, is very confused and catches up to us. Since I storm off, Jim is left to explain his side of the story to Dennis.
I end up catching up to the rest of my friends, but at this point I'm so upset and the night is winding down anyway, so I decide to head home. Later that night around 2am or 3am, I'm back at my place in my room when I hear my roommate and Jim get back in. They're hanging in the living room when I come in and tell him I meant what I said and don't want him staying here. He throws out an "are you serious" but he knows I am. Things are getting very tense at this point. We're both drunk and angry. I tell him if he meant what he said, he's not welcome here. He says he meant what he said.
My roommate is extremely confused and has no idea what was going on. I get more aggressive and actually push him toward the door. For context, I'm a pretty shrimpy dude and Jim is tall and built. My roommate tries to calm us, but it's off the handle at this point. Jim is pissed and is like "fine I'll leave but if I do, we're done" and I tell him to go. He packs his things, says he'll get the rest tomorrow, and leaves.
My roommate tries to make sense of things but pass it off as a drunken fight between friends. I knew at the time I would never see Jim the same way again. I didn't want him in my life or to be using my friends who deserve much better ever again. I explained what Jim said and told him it was the last straw for me, if they wanted to continue to be friends that's cool with me, I was just not going to hang with him anymore.
Then came the fallout. My roommate tried to reach out to Jim many times, but got no response, eventually he soured on Jim when he finally left our group chat with no warning. Jim distanced himself from the group and it became clear that no one in the group was ever really close with him. When I explained what happened between us, people were a little upset but not really surprised. I never wanted what happened with us to effect other people's relationships or bad mouth the guy, but it seemed like Jim didn't want to be a part of the group anymore. Dennis later told me I over reacted and that kicking him out was extreme. Jim ended up staying at Dennis's place that night.
In retrospect it did feel unfair to kick someone out on the street in the middle of the night. It was a purely emotional decision and not logical at all, but I'm not sure if I ever would have brought it up again if I hadn't addressed it that night...
I tried reaching out to him months later and we both apologized to each other, but there was never a follow through to hang out again. He still lives in our city, but does not speak with any of the group, myself included. I haven't seen him since that night.
So, was I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
uuApHOsR4RalKpkdfEg5z7UzZzU3J9Fx | am01fh | {
"description": "breaking our lease because my sister in law moved her cousins in without notifying me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for breaking our lease because my sister in law moved her cousins in without notifying me? | This happened around November but has still caused a riff between my brother and I.
My sister in law is from Boston and in October my brother, my niece, and her took a vacation out to Boston. They had a great time, and my sister in law was glad to see her family again. About a week later, there is an unfamiliar car is parked in our driveway. I ask my brother what's going on with the car and he tells me, "Oh, it's SIL's cousin's car." I ask him where they're going to be staying and he tells me he doesn't know.
That weekend I end up going over to SIL's aunt and uncles house. I'm good friends with them and even DJ'd at their wedding. I show up and SIL's cousin and boyfriend are there. I've met him once before so I'm just shooting the shit with him and ask where he's staying. He says, I'm staying at SIL's house. I respond, "You're staying at my house? We're roommates now?"
Now to put this in perspective, me SIL and my brother were all on the lease. I paid about 45% of our rent. SIL was just doing the stay at home mom thing and my brother paid all their expenses. I took the basement and had a living room and two bedrooms. They had the upstairs, front room, two bedrooms and the kitchen.
I pull my brother aside and ask him what's up. He says that SIL's cousin's were going to be staying through the end of the lease (3mo) and they were going to be paying them $400 a month to stay. I think it's bullshit but agree for them to stay as long as I get $100 of my rent each month. My brother agrees.
SIL freaks out, causes a scene, and ends up leaving the party. I go back home and try to talk things out. SIL tries to turn it back around on me that I am being selfish for not helping her family out and I shouldn't be asking for any money. I explain, no I am not living with her cousins for free and it's breaking our lease even letting them stay.
We go back and forth like this for like half an hour. SIL is emotional and punches a whole through the kitchen wall. My brothers says, "This is happening. Get over it."
I lose my shit, slap the drink out of his hand sending it shattering against the wall. I go to throttle him, but instead opt to punch my own hole in the wall and proceed to start packing up my shit.
The next day I wake up hungover, patch the hole I made in the wall and tell my brother I'm moving out, that the four of them will cover rent. I let them know they can keep my deposit and as long as they don't dip out on the lease I'll give him $300 after they pay the last months rent.
The next couple weeks were tense. SIL and her cousins refuse to talk to me. I even offered to give them some furniture cuz I was moving my stuff to storage and all I got were dead stares.
So I move back to my dad's have just been chilling since then. SIL hasn't talked to me since that night. I run into my brother every once in a while at SIL's aunt and uncle's house but as soon as SIL sees me they're gone. I'm not allowed to see my niece.
After the lease ended my brother couldn't get into another place and ended up back at his mom's with his family. The cousins found their own place.
SIL has declared that I am the devil, has completely ostracized my brother and I and has done her damnedest to ostracize me from out mutual friend group. The friends have stuck around but it's like I just went through a divorce. If there's an event I'm told when they will be there or vice versa.
Am I the asshole? Should I have just grinned and bared it for those three months?
TLDR; SIL attempted to force two new roommates on me, I freaked out, moved out, became ostracized and am now the devil in her eyes. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
sazLIbi2jC7Ll3rKoXZXujfPLd21jiUF | b19mfl | {
"description": "not making up my mind wrt a girl",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not making up my mind wrt a girl? | I (21M) go to a small college where attractive girls are hard to come by, and I'm in my third year now without having kissed a girl since high school.
So a few weeks ago I met a girl (20F) briefly, and she asked for my snapchat. The next night my fraternity had a party and she drank a little more than she could handle, which led to me briefly taking care of her, whilst she puked and asked if I wanted to go back to her room (I did not). The next morning she messaged me, thanking me for helping her out and insisting that she take me out sometime, an offer I turned down multiple times the next week. She finally surprised me by baking cookies for me to repay me, and I invited her to hang out that night. I had fun talking to her and felt that she's someone I can have deep conversations with, but I feel that our morals lie in different places.
A little about me, I like to be in a relationship. I don't know what it is, but I feel uncomfortable with the idea of a one night stand. But, I suffer chronic depression and have decided that until I'm feeling a lot better about life and myself, I'm not going to get into a relationship.
A little about her, a mutual friend (20F) close to both of us warned me about liking her, explaining that she leads guys on fairly often for her own validity and doesn't understand what she's doing. And I see where she's coming from. She certainly has a reputation for doing that, which makes me uncomfortable. Even if I ignore what other people think, she doesn't seem reliable (stood me up once when we were gonna hang out), nor would she bring much stability to my life. All that being said, I do think she's cute, funny and smart.
As a result of my insecurities and her reputation to lead guys on, I don't know whether she genuinely likes me or whether she's just playing games with me. And I'm probably acting the same way with her, because I'm just trying not to get hurt.
I know I don't want to be in a relationship, nor do I want a hookup. It's been too long since I've been with a girl for me to turn down a girl I'm attracted to, and I feel that I'd regret not doing anything. Friends with benefits seems like a happy middle ground. Would I be the asshole if I tell her this?
What if she doesn't think about me in that way at all and is just being nice? Anyone have any ideas on how I could find out? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
NyT0VrTEWPAc4l5EYx7MX338UACQJQ0C | apo15j | null | AITA Because it was my turn to use the parking spot? | So I live in some townhomes with very limited and assigned parking. I live with two roommates and my wife. We all have an agreement that whoever is the last person home, gets the parking spot. Our neighborhood is hard to find parking in when you come home late, so that was why we made the deal. It's been like this since they assigned parking 6 months ago. During that time, I make sure that when I have the day off, I move my car for whoever will be last.
Tonight I came home to find my roommates car still in the spot. I drive close to 80 miles a day round trip and I work close to 10hrs a day. I just wanted to park close to home, it was a long and stressful day already. So my wife asked my roommate, we'll call him Bill, to move his girlfriend's car. He does it, I take the spot and go in.
Bill comes in after me and says "Can I just ask why it is soooo important for you to have the spot? Why can't you park on the street?" To which I reply "Because we made an agreement about it." Bill then says "But you're ALWAYS the last one home! You ALWAYS park in the spot!" Bill doesn't work and just drinks all day so he never takes the spot. I am the last one home 3/7 days a week and I move my car on the off days. My wife and Bill's girlfriend work together and switch off with the spot on the remaining four days.
If by some chance myself or my wife forgot to move our cars for Bill's girlfriend, we would do it when she asked, no questions, no complaints. However, this isn't the first time we've had to ask Bill or his girlfriend to move her car. She's done this multiple times and even parked there when she KNEW my wife was still at work. My wife is pretty nonconfrontational so she would just vent to me.
So, Reddit, am I the asshole for wanting to stick to the parking agreement and wanting my roommates to be more considerate? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
nqEfhmwguglW9Mi3qauhH4exF3RlpFXT | 9yy492 | null | AITA - (Old) Close friend contacts me after several months | Ok, this is my first time making a post on the subreddit so don't hit me too hard.
​
This wasn't super long ago (about 1 month ago) but a girl I had a huge crush on since we knew each other for a really long time and there was a lot about her that attracted me to her. Anyways, I confessed to her and got friend zoned HARD. What really hurt me though was she told most of her friends and I absolutely dread her friends. They're those really stereotypical SJW's that you can see in those meme packed REKT videos but they really got on my nerves because almost every day they would pester me about my crush and they eventually told her little sister who is still in elementary school (I was there too!).
I found myself in a really awkward position since things were going in a really bad direction but I tried to distance myself from her and a few months later she moved to a new school and she never talked to me again. When the school year started though, after a week or two she contacted me randomly and tried to talk to me, I found it weird but I went along and probably spent a few days responding, etc. When my friends found out they told me to tell her off and I eventually did because they were probably right. I spent a while texting her about how the situation really confuses me and she told me that she doesn't want to trouble her old friends and that they too were looking for a fresh start. I literally feel like an alternative but I feel bad because I said a lot of stuff that probably poked at her too. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
aLhTpeW3PezPuB3pvaBzZHmjgpdtOjrl | ausa48 | {
"description": "asking my roommate to get a handle on his lose hair in the apartment",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For asking my roommate to get a handle on his lose hair in the apartment | My roommate and I are both men. He has extremely long hair (longer than my girlfriend’s for reference). We’ve now been in the same apartment for a few months, and I’ve noticed he does not clean up his hair. I find long loose hairs throughout the apartment, but as you could imagine, The bathroom is the real ground zero.
There is seemingly a constant supply of longhair is in the sink and in the tub. He will clean them when he does A general clean up of the bathroom, but he would never do A “maintenance clean” in between these general cleans.
After thinking about it for a few weeks, I finally ask him if “He would be willing to get a handle on his hair in the apartment, but really what’s annoying me is the bathroom.” He reacted very poorly to this. I feel as though this was a fair thing to bring up, but obviously I’m biased. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
MjxdoYwpquaW9qdjX1BO3l2IjRruEhpw | b3y5rf | {
"description": "refusing to train(boxing) with one of my closest friends",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for refusing to train(boxing) with one of my closest friends? | Background: 2 years ago, my wife forced me into one of those cheesy cardio boxing classes, because I was weightlifting exclusively. Long story short, I fell in love and my wife and I turned it into something we do together. I ended up loving it SO MUCH SO, I hired a trainer to truly teach me the sport technically. Not just for cardio, but to actually box amateurs.
Now, I told my friends who relentlessly made fun of me, called me out for talking about it. I admit, maybe I got too passionate- but I’d never been athletic so when I realized I actually had a knack for something, I couldn’t hold in the word vomit. Eventually the luster wore off, and I continued the sport on my own, even after openly inviting them to join me in sessions to learn etc- they all refused basically mocking me along the way.
Fast forward: 2 years later, I’m quite good. I’ve trained for team USA(not seriously or competitively but I have trained with them and have a team USA license), and know what I am doing. I’m not even 50% of where I wanna be, but I’m on the track. I’m not young(for he sport), I’m 30 but it became a personal challenge to be good and I’m achieving it.
Now suddenly my friend who NEVER showed an interest, went to my trainer and picked up the sport. He didn’t tell me, I found out through my mom of all people, and my trainer of course. Now I confronted him because I felt it was shady and childish that he couldn’t admit that maybe, just maybe I inspired him and it’s a fun thing to do. But, instead I just feel hurt and almost resentful that something I worked hard to be good at and was mocked for- is suddenly cool. He asked me to come work out with him, and I flat out said I’m not interested and now training elsewhere. I have no ill will towards him as a friend but I have absolutely zero interest in training together or ever discussing it again.
So AITA for basically saying I’m no longer interested in sharing that portion of my life with anyone and refusing to train? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
LZwzZJwdMLNyMUAbfkMDQRFqjuqPuxev | ba8yv4 | null | AITA for my birthday gift to my wife | My wife and I are tight on money right now and thus, we didn't have anything in the budget for my wife's birthday gift. Instead, I sent her to her friends house for a few hours and my kids and I did all the household chores. When she got home, we showed the clean house off to her and told her it was her birthday gift. She said thank you but I could tell she was upset. I pressed her a bit and accused me of seeing her as a maid because I think she should be grateful for something she thinks the kids and I should be doing regularly. I tried to explain that we were just trying to be nice and make things easier for her, and she just kept saying "this is exactly the problem" until she told me to just stop talking about it. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 398,
"OTHER": 147,
"EVERYBODY": 16,
"NOBODY": 76,
"INFO": 41
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 223,
"WRONG": 414
} | WRONG |
rmezpBiKbMKTYSK3XOqMYPWwXEhoRNcs | akxn6a | {
"description": "staging a asshole intervene",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for staging a asshole intervene? | So I feel like this is gonna take a little bit of backstory. We have a friend, Billy. He’s a cool guy but the whole friend group (late 20s to early 30s) has one big problem, Billy’s mouth. If Billy doesn’t like something you like he will go off on a tangent about how terrible it is. Never the you shouldn’t like this because I don’t like it, but your gonna get a earful. Basically everyone needs to hear his opinion whether it’s need or wanted. He does this when we’re casually hanging out. He’s done this in public before. He’s done this in public to strangers before. I’ll give a few examples.
Example 1 - Billy, couple friends and myself go to a gaming expo. I’m having a smoke with a friend I met up with at the expo. We’re talking about some of the cosplays we saw walking around, I mention seeing one from a favorite anime of friends. Billy starts saying the anime is garbage, it’s a waste of anyone who watches it’s time, ect. If we try to interject or move the subject along, Billy just starts up again. After he's finished I just told my friend bye and spent the next hour texting him apologies for my idiot friend.
Example 2 - Billy, male friend and me in a bookstore. I’m looking at manga, asking male friend a question. There’s another girl in the same aisle with a stack of a manga in her hand. Billy sees the series this stranger is holding and states that the manga is made for pedophiles. I try to move the conversation away from but he’s started and he’s gonna finish this rant. Friend and I just stand there silently embarrassed as this poor girl just puts her stack down and walks away at a speed not far from running.
Example 3 - This is the recent one and the reason we've been planning this again. We decided to host a board game night. Billy spends the first hour of the night antagonizing my brother in law until him and my sister just go to their room until Billy leaves. BIL would just be talking to the group and Billy would pick the one thing he didn’t like to go off about. It was uncomfortable and awkward for the whole group.
These are just the top three. Friends and I have talked repeatedly about staging what we’ve called the assole intervention. At this point I don’t want to invite to anything and most everyone agrees. We’ve cancelled outings with him because we don’t want to be embarrassed. I love this guy like a brother, he’s a fun guy but this is getting ridiculous.
I’m not planning on Billy coming over and springing a bunch of people with hand written notes on him as he walks thru the door. We were thinking of just two of us sitting Billy down and talking to him about this.
Would I be the asshole? Honest recommendations on what to do would be great. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
epOhVJ6JgsPy76yLWnsPFGqwMotiNVTG | am3qpr | {
"description": "freaking the fuck out on a FWB for acting so gloomy",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for freaking the fuck out on a FWB for acting so gloomy | Was gonna use a throwaway for this, but fuck it I don’t care
We were having an innocent (well, kind of kinky tbh) conversation beforehand, and then when I asked him a random dumb question (it was kind of kinky so I low key don’t wanna share it here) he responded with -
*you ever like take a shower and start thinking about how you probably will have to watch all your loved ones die before you can die yourself unless you like kill yourself? And have a mental breakdown?”
I lashed out and told him I didn’t need to think about my mother dying because what the actual fuck. And then he insisted that *I* was making his problems about myself because I told him to not do that shit. I basically ended up calling him a freak and that he’s not normal for doing that, and while I’m far from normal I try to be it at least. Then he answered with something along the lines of *“so what? You’ll decide to be neurotypical?”* (I’m autistic, it actually really hurt me to hear that). At the end of the argument I told him he had two choices - kill himself so he doesn’t have to watch his mom die, or don’t so he does have to watch her die. This isn’t the first time he started shit because this happened on Discord where he told me to shut the fuck up over memes and told me he stabbed a man (not to death) because he thought he said stuff he heard over and over again. He has even been emotionally abusive to me by making me feel like I said something offensive and overreacting to it so I’d feel bad. I’m genuinely heartbroken, and I hate that as a man it’s experiences like this that make me think men are fucking trash.
Tl;dr - idk how to summarize this please just read the whole thing | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
PNBwaPoOxrxpeST7KNIaA9VN8Y0tyTPp | b7vpd3 | {
"description": "stopping a man from hiring staff",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA Stopping a man from hiring staff | Some background, I live and work as a bartender in Korea but I am originally from the states. We have a frequent customer at the bar called J. He owns an English teaching business in the area.
I really don't like J.
First, during every shift I work he calls me over and asks me if I want a job with him. While I'm at my job. I find it super disrespectful and it's really annoying since I've told him no so many times.
Second, he uses our bar as a hunting ground for new staff. He knows we have a lot of foreign customers and so (he has told me) he comes to our bar in particular to try and find staff.
Third, he pulls in people claiming they can get $40/hour "tutoring" English in private sessions. In reality he has most of them teach groups of 5-7 beginners with no curriculum for only $10/hour. He schedules privates for tutors but will cancel the lessons with no notice. He also has a policy that during the first month they will only get 30% of the pay for privates. (Multiple friends of mine have fallen for this and told me.)
This is where the assholery comes in.
Whenever J comes in I will try and be the one to serve him so I can hang around his table. This means I can essentially "job-block" him. Whenever he lures in a young, unassuming foreigner (usually American, female, exchange student) with the "$40 and hour" spiel I will either wait until he goes to the bathroom or the foreigner goes outside for a smoke and try to warn the person of the reality of the job. Since these people usually can't find jobs over here a lot of them fall for it.
I just tell them that they'll only be getting group lessons for $10/hour and to be cautious, ask for everything in writing, etc. I know that this has made a lot of people not take the job and stay away from him. I have heard him complaining recently that he's really low on staff and profit is lower and I know it's probably because of me.
So, AITA for warning people off of his scammy "job" and hurting his business? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
2ND5QlBrU1z0RkiH1JhpQZrRfXHCuTRl | arbky4 | {
"description": "changing my mind about roles",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for changing my mind about roles? | (I posted this on r/acting and decided it would probably work well here too. I added to the story so it was more interesting) Hello! Let's just have some background on this story.
I've gotten a role for my first play ever. It's at my school, so it's not the most professional. I'm not super picky with roles. There was one role I really wanted. We'll call this role S. S was a main role. She was smart and funny. One of my friends (A) wanted to smaller roles, F and T. It turns out that I got F and T, and she got S. She was mad, and originally I was to. We talked about asking to switch roles. The day we agreed to, she went home early, so I was alone. I don't like confrontation, so I got really nervous. One of my friends helped me out, and I asked the director. He said he would think about it. I played as S, F, and T throughout the entire rehearsal. I became much more comfortable with the roles, and embraced them. I don't know how A feels still. I'm worried that she'll bother the director enough to get our roles switched. She is a better actor than I am, and I think she'll do better as this role. She also looks the part much better than I do. She can get kind of angry sometimes. I worry she'll still want F and T. I like my roles, and don't want to switch. I'm willing to fight for this. AITA for changing my mind, and not caring what my friend thinks? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
owJdAj4WvPSr4g9Wqyii0d0Y1Mob9KvW | aq7o0p | {
"description": "ghosting my autistic 'friend'",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTAH for ghosting my autistic ‘friend’ | I know that sounds so bad, but let me explain!!
Please keep in mind that through out this story I’m 19 at the time and she in her 30s.
While I was working at my old job, I met a woman who immediately took a liking to me. Obviously I was extremely nice because that’s what’s expected of me and she took that as me wanting to become friends. She eventually memorized my work schedule and would come in to see me and monopolize my time for hours. She would just talk to me and ask me questions and I had to stay because I didn’t want to be mean and I was generally not busy. She started asking for my contact info and I turned her down several times but she ended up wearing me down so I agreed to give her my number and that we would meet for coffee. I understand that was my first mistake. I should not have given in and sent the wrong message.
Now, I don’t have a problem with autistic people and actually enjoyed some of our conversations. I understand that for her everything is black and white. There are rules that you have to follow and no gray area. The problem was that we had absolutely nothing in common and we could never have a good casual conversation because she would condemn a lot of things I did like drink or befriend people who smoked. I started to hide a lot of aspects of my life because I didn’t want a lecture. I never told her I dropped out of school or that I was gay or that I didn’t have a religion. It became a chore to answer her phone calls (she would call all the time just to talk) and I never wanted to go out because I never had fun.
Now for the current predicament!!
I recently just got out of a very toxic abusive relationship and was dealing with a lot. This woman would still call me and ask way too many questions about why I couldn’t talk or hang out. I just told her I was busy. I didn’t want to tell her about my life because #1 that’s private and #2 I wasn’t exactly in a mental place where I could explain what was happening in my life to a stranger.
Push came to shove and I decided to move to a new province and try to restart my life and I told her that. She was very very upset and told me I was running away from my problems and being selfish towards everyone I was leaving in my home city. That really hurt because this was the first thing I had done for myself since I got into my horrible relationship.
I left but she still messaged me everyday asking how I am and when I’m coming home. Right now I’m just ignoring her and trying to live my life.
Would I be the asshole if I just ghosted and blamed it on the drama of moving and starting a new life?
I’m also looking for advice on what to do because I know ghosting isn’t the nicest but neither is saying I just don’t like you.
TLDR: I met a women with autism while at work (I’m F19 and she’s F30) and she forced me into a friendship. We don’t have anything in common and it’s a very one sided friendship. Now I’ve just gotten out of an abusive relationship and I want to move on with my life. Should I ghost? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
m5DvgwSOywUZSh4Oon6ocLTciBklVUH1 | 9tzp5m | {
"description": "calling out a guy for parking in front of a fire hydrant",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for calling out a guy for parking in front of a fire hydrant? | Guys parks in front of fire hydrant. I say dude you can’t park there. He asks if I’m the cops. I say no and call him an asshole.
Calling him an asshole was unnecessary. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
CinTAR98QjMWgscASqUZJyBC47xvChF1 | amfr9s | {
"description": "not wanting to volunteer with my family",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to volunteer with my family? | For some context, my mom asked me a while ago if I would like to join her and my sister for a volunteer activity they were doing. I said no, but told them it was a good idea to go. It just isn't something I would like to do with my time, I'm sorry.
So today rolls around, I'm organizing some things for my mom and my sister is looking up directions to somewhere. After I'm done organizing things, my sister says "ok let's go." I ask if she means me as well, and she says yes. I'm very confused because I don't even know where they're going. I ask where, and they tell me we're all going to the volunteer activity. I let them know I'm not going (again) and they try to pressure me into by saying "but it's for a good cause" etc. I feel like a complete dickwad saying no, but I'm in pajamas and I haven't even brushed my teeth/hair. It would take me about 30 minutes to freshen up for a few hours of volunteer work. I say no again, and they leave.
Now I'm sitting here feeling like a jerk and a complete grinch. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
BmSei9MLHf7mKs0Ge3Vri5PYRVGqTGIL | b7mk5p | {
"description": "thinking that Looks and character are equally important when u start dating",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for thinking that Looks and character are equally important when u start Dating? | Ok so a few months ago i met this Girl online and we started texting and, after a while, hang out a couple times. now at first i was interested in her because i liked her character and the way she thinks but after we met that Feeling vanished because i didnt like how she looked. By that i mean that i have a few very specific Things that just make me instantly loose all interrest in someone (for example excessively hairy arms) and most of them are based on Looks.
Now the Problem was that she developed interrest in me, and we even had a Little bit of a fling afterwards, but we talked About a relationship and came to the conclusion that we dont want that from another. but then she started to become more and more attached to me (the typical Friends with Benefits Thing where one starts to like the other more than they should) so i talked about it with her, but she refused. The Thing is that everyone we met (my parents, Friends etc.) and I could see that she is defenitely more attached to me than i am to her, so i tried to break this whole Thing up by telling her that i dont like her in any romantical way. after 5 or so tries that she just wouldnt accept i quit beeing gentle and told her that i dont find her attractive (yes i now im an ass for starting something with her in the first place but thats not my Point) which again took me 3 times of explaining to her why and what exactly i dont like About her until she finally got it.
But now i feel bad because she is a genuinely nice Person that i dont want to date just because i dont like her Looks, so am i an asshole for thinking that Looks are equally important as character for Dating? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
9qkeHUZHunj9Og6D9h3R3yMSXPnHRgOo | b1g9xt | null | AITA For my reaction to a mental health service being closed ten minutes into my appointment time? | I've been experiencing some symptoms of depression that I wanted to discuss with a professional. My workplace offers a program that allows me 3 free visits with their provider (hereby referred to as "they" or "provider"), so I chose to schedule an appointment with that provider.
The times available conflicted with my working hours, so I agreed with my boss that I would come to work after my appointment ended. I scheduled for the first appointment of the day for 50 minutes with a lady we'll call Nancy.
7:55am, I arrived at the provider's office. The door to the office was locked and the lights were off. Other open businesses in the building were open door. I didn't want to rule out that maybe they were in the office getting things set up for the day or that they preferred to only let people in by their admission.
8:00am, door still locked and lights are off.
8:05am, same deal. I try knocking on the door. Given the size of the other suites, I am certain I knocked loud enough a person would have reasonably heard me if they were in there.
8:10am, I decided to leave. At that moment, I determined that because no one was reasonably present and no one tried to contact me regarding the late arrival, my mental health and my employer's time were not being taken seriously. I called the number given to me by the schedulers and asked to cancel my appointment and confirm that I would not be rescheduling with them. On my way out, I did see a woman walking into the building to what I would guess was their job, but there were several other organizations in the building, and any could open at 8am.
8:15am, I'm on my way home and crying by this point. I get a call from a number, whom I guess to be Nancy given the timing. I decline the call and am uninterested in hearing the voicemail. If it's an apology, I forgive. If it's a request for me to reschedule or return, I decline. If it's a statement of concern that I cancelled on an appointment to discuss issues related to depression, I affirm that concern and will follow it up with another provider.
So here's where the doubt kicks in:
* **Did I do my due diligence to resolve the issue?**
* **Am I overreacting to discontinue seeking assistance from this provider?**
* **Should I have allowed Nancy to atone for being late?**
At this point, I will follow through on my decision to seek services elsewhere, but I'm now deciding whether to bring this up with my HR representative (WIBTA?). I would not call for any heads to roll, but I would present this as a data point for their decision making process when they do whatever renewal processes for this service. If I conclude I'm kind of an asshole in this situation, I won't bring it up. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
aXfQqui3fZtY0HgFdNu4s21HyLCRlShN | b9h00e | {
"description": "letting a child laugh at a foreign name",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for letting a child laugh at a foreign name? | Okay so I know this is very small compared to most of the things on this subreddit, but I was just wondering whether I did anything wrong here.
I’m a personal tutor, and I teach Maths and English to a 9-year-old girl who I’ll call Emily. Today we were reading a passage from a story, and taking it in turns to read. The main character was called Mi Nuong, and neither of us knew how to pronounce it. Every time Emily tried to read it, she would laugh. Then she asked if she could just call her Mi instead (pronounced me). This made her laugh even more, because it sounded like she was saying things like “Me looked at..” or “Me liked...”. I just smiled back, because she I don’t think she was laughing maliciously; she just found it funny that she couldn’t pronounce it, and then because it sounded grammatically incorrect. I’m just a bit worried that I should have said something to her about not laughing at people’s names sounding different, in case I accidentally teach her that it’s okay to do that?
Again, I know it’s not a big deal - just wondering if I should have said anything. If it’s important, I’m white, and Emily is half Malaysian and has a Western name.
Tl;dr - child I was teaching was laughing because she couldn’t pronounce an Asian name, I just smiled in response but was wondering if I should have said something about being respectful of other people’s names. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
k25EJtffMOPirKgAy9eJHBW73157X8EX | 9zgd5n | {
"description": "not responding to an ex friends nice text message",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for not responding to an ex friends nice text message? | I had this best friend in high school and we basically spent most every day of 3 years together. I’m not going to lie and say it was all bad, she was one of the first people to make me feel special. But I was only special in a “ I make your life better” way, I really had no identity that was just my own. But also she was very manipulative. I was isolated and essentially she tried to sabotage any relationship I had with anyone else. I broke our friendship off recently because I realized I never felt good about myself after hanging out with her because she always said some hurtful jabs at things she knows I’m insecure about. If you care to learn more about it I have many posts on my page about the situation on a narcissistic abuse sub.
Anyway, today she messages me that she’s thankful for the time she got to share with me and all our memories. I want to thank her as well but I don’t want her to use this as a way of trying to be my friend again. But I know if I don’t respond, she will feel sad and I don’t want her to think I’m not thankful for our time together either. I know this is so minor of an issue but I really feel bad. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
AjgRaNoEErtEprS6rL43JplueExzVYNV | a5cz5b | {
"description": "questioning a co-workers lunch break",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for questioning a co-workers lunch break? | My co-worker recently had an appointment (did not disclose the type) at 12:30 and had taken their hour lunch break from 11:30 until 12:30.
Once the hour lunch break was over they left for their appointment in which they returned an hour later with no apologies or anything for leaving for an extra hour and pushing back my break until 1:30, as much as i want to excuse this for the fact they wanted a full lunch break, i had to ask why they went about it like this and they simply replied with "i deserve my hour break" (Which seems completly unfair considering other coworkers only get the hour and no more)
Am I the asshole for questioning the way this appointment was handled in relation to their lunch break? As well as my attitude of fitting the appointment into the lunch break? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
CwvtJHtjWzhs9FjQ54V0H4tmFSARJIvY | ba7r5r | {
"description": "spending my tax return on myself instead of a ring to propose to my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA if I spent my tax return on myself instead of a ring to propose to my girlfriend? | My girlfriend and I have been talking about getting married. I was very excited for this and was going to set aside my tax return to buy her a nice engagement ring. However, the other night while we were out with some friends, I noticed she was texting someone from work the whole time. That's not super surprising, they're good friends and he's a solid guy, but I was put off by it.
We talked about it when we got home. I said it made me feel like she would rather talk to her co-worker than hang with our friends and me. She admitted she fucked up and needs to set up better boundaries. Promised me it would change and all that. I trust her, and I think she will stay true to her word, but I also don't think she's ready to get married if she has a problem with boundaries. So I was thinking I would buy myself something nice instead and save up for the ring throughout the year. Would that be wrong? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
YlHE6h7PdnxBwfGMdkglfgJVQ2Iswzyz | 9u8kes | {
"description": "leaving my bf after he let this girl beat me up",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 75
} | WIBTA for leaving my bf after he let this girl beat me up? | We were out last night, I got drunk and was out of character. I ran into a girl I didn't like and we started arguing. My bf tried to pull me away but I got mad at him and told him to let me go. We continued arguing and then I hit her. This bitch must be an experienced fighter because she grabbed my hair and threw me on the ground in 2 seconds and was pounding my face. I yelled at my bf to get her off me and he did but why would he even allow it to get that far? I have a black eye and a knot on my bf. I'm considering leaving him after this? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 75,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 75
} | WRONG |
fQtvJuQ8xf5hIdcSOCplGUReZnubNYZd | 9tme7h | {
"description": "telling a transgender person to leave me alone",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling a transgender person to leave me alone? | So for some context, I am in high school and my sister was a senior last year. She made a club in school called the fitness club. I was forced to join (parents btw) and I was the only male there.
Little did I know that there was another fitness club for males.
Yearbook pictures came in and there are two pages for fitness club, the male one, and my sister’s one. Like I said before, I was the only male there...
I assume you all know the assumptions that could have been brought up.
Fast forward to this year, where there just so happens to be a transgender male in my lunch. He walks up to me and starts to introduce himself. I personally have nothing wrong with LGBT people, so I played it cool. He then starts to flirt with me two months later. I’m incredibly weirded out and try to distance myself from him.
He doesn’t leave me alone and keeps following me. I’m a nice person so I won’t bluntly say for him to leave me alone.
I was going to lunch and he asks me to go with him to the front of the gymnasium. He then asks me out and I plainly tell him that it is a giant misunderstanding, and that I am not transgender and not interested.
He won’t leave me alone. He then proceeds to touch my arms and hands and then I lose it. I go crazy and yell so loud that the entire hallway (and principal) heard it.
I strongly tell him I am not transgender, will never be transgender, and If he doesn’t leave me alone then I will call the cops for harassment.
He then rants about being transgender and being discriminated and how people mistreat him. He cries and then makes a huge deal about it.
I just don’t get it. Just because he is trans means I have to be nice and date him?
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Sl9AiSCc4qjQRYQOTMfOOzzgJMfqMZ1W | an9ide | {
"description": "kicking my tinder date out for getting her period",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for kicking my tinder date out for getting her period | A few weeks ago I matched with a cute girl on a dating app. I got her number and we texted back and forth for a few weeks. Finally after a few plans to hang out fell threw she texted me ‘why don’t you just come over’ I was cautious but also excited so I decided screw it and went over to her house.
She turned out not to be an axe murderer and we had pretty great sex actually. After that she starts texting me pretty frequently even though we made it clear it was just sexual.
We made plans to hang out a few nights later, but right before she was going to come over she told me she was spotting and asked if that grossed me out and wanted to abort the plan to hang out. I told her that I have had sex with girls near and on their period, but it was with a serious girlfriend and honestly wasn’t sure I was ok with doing that with a relative stranger.
She was cool about it and thanked me for being honest so we rainchecked for a few days later.
5 days later she came over and we immediately started having sex. About half way through I could see blood on my hands and her body and I immediately stopped. I got up and went to the bathroom to wash off. She responded by saying ‘it’s only blood, it’s not gonna kill you’ and sat on my sheets seemingly amused as I kinda freaked out, taking a shower and washing off clearly flustered.
When I got back to my room I asked her if she could clean her self up and get off my bed. I was very much annoyed, turned off, and grossed out. She asked if she should leave and I said yes. I knew it was kind of adswhole thing to do but I wasn’t about to watch a movie or hang out with her.. that’s not really what we were there for in the first place. And I felt kind of betrayed and disrespected by her coming over for sex while she was on or effected by her time of the month.
I obviously feel bad, I’m sure it was an awkward situation for her. But I don’t regret it. And I feel like she is the asswhole too. Maybe I’m wrong, you tell me, I’m curious. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
S9GkkzQ46L3QTs795nTpSKSWQ2Ki7SYR | a6s6kv | null | AITA My cat killed my roommate's bird. | So this started a while ago and there's a lot of context.
I've lived with my roommate for over 3 years now, and I've wanted to have a cat pretty much the entire time. He didn't want to live with a cat though, so I didn't get one out of respect for that. (He doesn't like cats. and also has mild allergies) But it was disappointing for me.
To add insult to injury, He bought a bird without consulting me. I feel it was rude to get a pet without checking with your roommates, especially when he was keeping me from mine, but it's just a small budgie and didn't affect me much, so I let it go. I was mostly upset because it pretty much ensured I was never getting my cat, and he knew that I felt that way, which is why he did it behind my back.
Fast forward a year, and we had a fight about an unrelated issue, and he declares he's moving out. I said sure, and immediately began research on shelters, vets, etc. for my cat. A week later, he gets upset and says he can't afford any of the places he's looking at, and can he please please stay here. I was hesitant, partly because of the cat thing and partly because he has these emotional outbursts that I find really stressful. Then HE says, without prompting, that I can get a cat if I let him stay, and he'll just take allergy meds and be careful to keep the door to his room closed.
I suggested a compromise: the basement room of the apartment is bigger, has a separate bathroom, and is very secluded from the common space. It's almost its own apartment. I thought it would be easier to keep the bird safe down there, because it's so separate. He agreed, and it worked well for a few months, but then he came to me all upset again and said he can't afford the higher rent for the bigger room, and would I please please switch with him. Which I did. But once he was on the main floor, the cat could hear the chirping and started camping out outside of his room all the time. He kept getting mad at me and telling me to "control my animal" but he hasn't had cats before and doesn't understand that you can't train a cat the way you can train a dog.
You can predict what happened next. He accidentally left the door unlatched one day, and the cat pushed his way in while it was out of its cage. It was pretty upsetting. He now HATES the cat, and me.
He says I bullied him into letting me get the cat, because I know he doesn't make as much money as me and he didn't have any other options. He says I bullied him into saying he would move out in the first place, which I don't think is fair, we've had disagreements about dishes and stuff but I've never raised my voice or anything. He basically thinks that I used the fact that he can't afford any other apartment to force him to let me get a cat even though I knew it would eventually kill his bird. I liked that bird too! I'm really sorry it's dead! He also thinks I didn't but any effort into training the cat to stay away from his room, which I did try with the squirt bottle and everything, but cats don't train that easily.
I feel really, really horrible that the bird is dead. But I still think he's being unreasonable, and he is acting like I'm the worst monster on the planet. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
m1de1KnwQ9uflR1A6sOTIMhEFH7VNQxK | ahout6 | {
"description": "asking my dad for money",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking my dad for money? | I'm currently a student in college, and my dad offers and pays my rent. It is $1000 a month, but my dad only gives me $750. During a discussion with my parents, they said they would transfer me the difference, so my dad sent me $1500. Over Christmas I got $500 from family (I have a massive extended family). I gave the cash to my dad, and he said he would transfer me the money (so I didn't have to carry around such a large amount of cash). When I realised he hadn't transferred it, I asked him to. However, he said he already sent me $1500, so he wasn't going to. I know my dad is very generous in paying my rent for me, but I worked all summer so I fund all my other expenses myself.
​
So WIBTA if I ask my dad again to transfer me the money? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6jDvTJoCHJP8ITUdpBXNLQVx3d2s9gOS | au7hkb | {
"description": "looking for a new nanny because my current (but new) nanny has updated her profile and logged in most days to the nanny website where I found her",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for looking for a new nanny because my current (but new) nanny has updated her profile and logged in most days to the nanny website where I found her? | So my new nanny for my 3yo and 1yo has a lot of positive traits and has seemed really good in almost all ways. However I have felt that she has not bonded with my 3 year old and frankly seems to think he is a bit of an asshole. I have explained many times that he is struggling with starting kindergarten, potty training (which he really really resisted) and the loss of his old nanny who left suddenly due to illness. I have told her he will get better and he is acting up because he's not coping, we have been through it before with him and he will come good. But she recently suggested he wasn't socialised enough and has stayed silent when I have said things by text like 'don't leave me! He will come good! I am sorry he wet his pants 4 times today, eek! 😁' etc.
So on a hunch I logged into the nanny website where I found her and saw that her profile was updated and she had logged in the day before. Hoping it was just one of those things, I have checked each day and seen that she is logging in most days. I think it's fair to assume she must be looking for another job. She already has a second job and would have no time for a third so I feel like it's pretty likely she is looking to replace us.
I have started looking for a new nanny. I haven't decided what to do if I find one but I am so worried that she will just quit. I have started a new business and the next couple of months are really crucial, I just need reliable childcare.
I know I should talk to her but I am worried that once she admits she's not happy, she will just quit. I want to be ready if that happens.
So, AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
LHQWZeA3SviOTZyMjR6DSKYjP3kM6DGj | 9y3hgw | {
"description": "expecting my spouse to do more around the house than me",
"pronormative_score": 26,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for expecting my spouse to do more around the house than me? | Me and my spouse have been living together for six years and both have worked/ been in school full time up until September when she got a job as a supply teacher. Being a supply teacher means her work is not always consistent, if she doesn’t get a call that day she doesn’t work. Last week for instance she only worked one shift and the week before she worked three. I work full time, 40-50 hours a week as well as about 2-5 hours of work at home.
We have always split household chores 50/50. It only seemed fair considering we both worked an equal amount. I thought it would make sense that since I’m working sometimes 35 hours more a week than her that she would do more around the house, however, she is still expecting us to split 50/50.
I have come home from work multiple times since September to the house being a mess (no vacuuming done, laundry to do/ fold, garbage not taken out, dinner not started etc.). She told me that she was waiting for me to get home so we could tag team things, even though she spent all day binge watching a show on Netflix. I didn’t complain and helped her out doing half the work.
I finally sat her down last week and asked her if she could do more around the house considering I am putting more hours in at work and she is home far more than me. She got really emotional and said I was accusing her of being lazy and not contributing enough. Since this conversation, not much had changed. So I snapped last night.
I get home from work late after a hellish day. She had a friend over all day and they were baking and hanging out. She says to me when I get in “I already hand washed three rounds of dishes so I have met my quota for the next few days”. I got really mad and told her that I shouldn’t have to clean the dishes nor should I have to do nearly as much as I have been doing around the house. I work way more than her and the least she could do is tidy up and keep our home from looking like a shit hole. I don’t think that’s too much to ask! We have kept to ourselves all day today and she is clearly furious with me. And tbh I’m not pleased with her either. This has nothing to do with gender, as we are both female, it simply comes down to me currently working more than her.
So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 26,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 26,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
OqW5V3OmdLbqiXqUoiAoxPET7xyvt3Wl | 9wvqju | {
"description": "telling my mom that if I had kids, that I would never let her see them",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my mom that if I had kids, that I would never let her see them? | Context: this was about a year ago, but I still think about it a lot.
AITA for telling my mom that she wouldn't be allowed to see my kids if she continued down her road of alcoholism?
I told my mom this in a therapy session. She had emotionally abused me for years, and from time to time would get physical. From yelling at me to shaming me, she did it. For the first few months of my freshman she was so drunk that she couldn't get out of bed. She had a suicide attempt and thats when my dad learned about all the abuse I had gone through. Because of what I went through, I don't want my future children to be around someone who is drunk and not a good role model. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother, and she is great now, but still drinks. I'm not sure how I feel about her drinking, but I don't want it to increase. I love her so much, and it really hurt to say this, but I can't just let her get away with what happened to me and the trauma that I went through. Currently, she is great with my sister's kids, but she's drinking, smoking, and she isn't taking her meds (Bipolar). I want her to go to therapy, and I've told her this. She was extremely angry at me and I still feel like shit for saying it, but does that make me an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
a3anp1tJQOdOP2HvNIT8PUYljzyb32dB | acdpf6 | {
"description": "not seeing my husband play live music frequently",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not seeing my husband play live music frequently. | Just to preface this, I'm not mad and him and he's not mad at me. There isn't a problem I'm just wondering if I am not being the best husband I can be.
My husband is a musician and has a gig almost every night of the week. I love him. He's a wonderful musician. I'm glad he does this for a living and wouldn't want it any other way.
He has said before that I "never come to his gigs." It was mostly in a joking matter but I feel like maybe he wants me to see him play more. The problem is that I find it really boring after about 30min to an hour(he usually plays for 3-4 hours). When I do happen to come watch him(which isn't often admittedly) I will sit there alone and probably on an uncomfortable barstool. After about an hour I will either leave or go sit in the car to relax and mess with my phone.
I love him and support him but I can't help but feel like it's just not my cup of tea. I like listening to him at home but I would just rather not watch him play for hours while everyone else around me is chatting and socializing. Is this wrong? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
OSAxSVu9JAupupMduQ5mJD5jPHChNR8B | b19f62 | {
"description": "being upset that I keep getting woken up at night by fiance and sisters",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA (M27) for being upset that I keep getting woken up at night by fiance (F24) and sisters? | My fiance and I have been dating for five years now and engaged for one. We recently bought a new home about six months ago after dealing with communal living for the previous four. I was under the impression that we'd be moving out together and alone to start our new chapter together, just us. I found out that this was not the case one month before we found a home. My fiance wanted her sister and my sister to move in. I said "no" and I was adamant. I was tired of communal living. We argued for a couple days. I did not "win" that argument. Next, I said "ok, we need to charge them a reasonable price for rent. I did not "win" that argument. They pay a nominal rent fee. "Then I have two rules:"
\* Do not park in the two foremost spots in the driveway (note this is a 3-car garage for four people).
\* Doors closed at 12am. I have two dogs that sleep with me and when they hear noises, the go off.
wo weeks ago, my fiance's sister came home at 12:18am- 10 minutes after I had fallen asleep. As my dogs went off, I was awoken with a surge of adrenaline. After realizing what I had happened, I was furious. I had effectively taken a power nap and was no longer tired. I texted my fiance and told her I'd get even. I texted her sister and went off on her for her lack of respect. I contemplated hooking up an alarm to my bluetooth speaker outside her sister's door but elected not to because of the collateral damage.
To be clear, I know my reaction to that situation makes me an asshole, but I'm wondering about the situation as a whole.
The next day, my fiance justified her sister's behavior with "Well she gets off at work at 9:40pm and still had to go to the gym". I pleaded my case and how that had no weight with me. She could have left the gym 15 mins early. For the next four days, my fiance and I didn't talk. On the fourth day she came to me and asked why I was upset and ignoring her. I was neither of these things. I felt defeated. I felt like i had been tricked from the start to buying this big ass house under the ruse that I could live comfortably. After talking it out, we ended on a good note. My fiance kind-of supported me but said that if her sister would be coming home late, she would accomadate. I did not like this at all. On day one everyone was good with it but now that it's not convenient to follow the rule, they don't. I shouldn't have to negotiate with a tenant in my home so I can get sleep. I go to sleep at 12am. That is more than fair and reasonable. I did not "win" this argument.
​
Long story short, my fiance came home last night at 12:18 from the gym and woke me up. The night was uneventful but the next morning I kept leaving the bedroom light on while I got ready just to be petty. I wanted her to feel what it felt like.
​
I know I didn't handle either circumstances well but as a whole, I need some perspective. I'm open to advice, or being told flat-out, I'm the asshole. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
167ekDEiDA8oVrk97YytGKId4e60wzqS | a92o9c | null | AITA: My SO says his alone time is a "privilege" | My SO brought up that his alone time feels like a "privilege" now that I've moved in (he invited me). The moment he made that comment using those particular set of words, I got triggered.
He has mentioned multiple times that his ex never gave him his space. She wanted to see him every night and wanted to go wherever he wanted to go. So much so that she integrated into his main group of friends and remained even though they broke up.
So I have been very mindful of this. We don't eat dinner together every day, he has his poker night once a fortnight, watches the game at a pub once a week during the season, goes on a boys trip once every quarter, and plays video games 3-4 times a week. Sometimes I go home to sleep at my parents (about once a week). I also spend time alone in the living room while he's gaming, and I watch Netflix, do some work, etc.
So when he said that getting alone time is like a privilege now, I was extremely hurt because I feel like I've given him a lot of space. Granted, last week I was a bit uncomfortable about he frequency of his gaming because he just picked up a new game. Last week, he went to an internet café with his friends until 2am. And within the same week, he started a game right after he got back from work and before we were due to go out for a movie, and he neglected to prepare his own dinner or feed the dogs (this is a one time occurance and his dogs are generally well taken care of) or and once, while I was thinking of my next move in Scrabble. Sure, maybe I made a face or comment expressing my displeasure but I curbed it because I know this isn't such a huge problem - not yet anyway. But he was unhappy with the way I'm handling his new gaming habits.
I burst into tears and he immediately said he can't even given me constructive criticism without it turning into an emotional shitshow. This I don't deny - my parents are hypercritical and I'm extremely sensitive to criticism. But I also feel like this is the one area I was consciously putting a lot of effort in and I was just so upset that my efforts weren't enough. I seriously don't know what else I can do anymore.
So...AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
hvHEjNaY30cn4KXNlxUywBZMYlcw06b7 | afeogq | {
"description": "being mad at my girlfriend for wanting to do something else the weekend of my sisters wedding",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for being mad at my girlfriend for wanting to do something else the weekend of my sisters wedding? | Today I asked my girlfriend of a few months to be my plus one to my sisters wedding. It's in September, my sister had to know right away for planning reasons or whatever.
Anyways I asked her this morning, she said yes. Then an hour ago she texted me asking the date, because she was invited to some sort of convention in Niagara falls for the same weekend.
I'm really pissed off and want to tell her not to come. I know the Convention and her friends are important to her, but like it's my sisters wedding which is very important to me as well. I think she shouldn't have even asked me as she knows it's important and I would be mad.
I have a tendency to be extra AF so I am turning to reddit. Thanks everyone, one love. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
CwPxm85DfXUjMjfqozmPA13XhzGZfe6i | a4tyly | {
"description": "knowing exactly how much money my girlfriend owes me",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for knowing exactly how much money my girlfriend owes me? | I'd like to preface this by saying that I've always been very good with numbers. I'm extremely analytical and have often been told that I have traits resembling that of Asperger's, though I'm not on the spectrum.
Two weeks ago, my girlfriend (18) and I (17) went out to a night market with some friends.
My girlfriend has only recently started a job now that school has finished (We both finished our final year at the start of November) and hadn't yet been paid, instead having money from her part-time babysitting job.
Her money was all in cash, however, the market was card-only, so she found herself unable to purchase anything. Instead, she asked if I would pay for her, and she'd pay me back. Of course, I obliged, and I spent exactly $25.50 on her that night.
I don't work too much, as my job is part-time and I'm moving cities next year so there's no point upgrading to full-time, so it was a decent amount of money but not too much, certainly not enough for me to actually make a big deal over.
The problem was when the next week, she said to me, "Don't I owe you like twenty bucks or something?"
My immediate unfiltered reaction was to say, "Actually, $25.50," which I didn't realise would be a problem until about five seconds later, when she suddenly got very upset that 'I valued the money over her.'
Again, I've always been very precise with numbers, and she's extremely aware of both this and my tendency to say exactly what's on my mind, but she still seemed extremely upset that I had bothered to remember the exact amount of money.
I later told her to just pay me back $20, which she had no problem with, but it's still stuck with me.
I have no problems with her - I love her, she's great - but I'm still wondering if I was really being the asshole there, as I often do quite rude or mean things without being aware of it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
MWLE63CtPMryH4HyR8ecPmx6YjJFLejg | b73y6u | {
"description": "leaving a Pan out",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for Leaving a Pan Out? | Hello fellow asshole enthusiasts I have a quandary for you today.
I (21f) live with my parents (48F and 52M) my 3 siblings (20M 18M and 10M) and my boyfriend (22M). Both parents have work from home desk jobs. I work from 4 am - 1 pm stocking shelves.
My parents go out to a nice restuarant with their friends every Thursday. So it usually falls to me to make some kind of food for my siblings. Yesterday I made some frozen pierogies in a pan and went to sleep shortly after because I worked at 4 am the next morning aka today.
When I got up, the pan was gone, so I assumed someone had taken care of it and I was like "Oh that was nice" and went to work. I came home from work and got my car Echecked but other than that I did nothing for hours. No one said anything to me.
My mother decided she wanted to cook dinner but also just had to go get her passport started so she didnt get back to start dinner till 5pm, we were out of catfood so I took my boyfriend and we went to the store. By the time we got back only the main course had been finished because apparently my mother was outraged I never cleaned the pan and she needed it for dinner.
I told her we were back and was greeted with "Thats cool, I dont care. I'm done making dinner I did the main dish. I'm just done" I asked why she was upset and kept trying to figure out what was up and she refused to do anything but scroll on her phone. I said whatever and made the rest of dinner so my siblings and father would have food.
My father came downstairs to check on food and finay told me that it was my fault for not cleaning out the pan she obviously needed.
I tried to tell him I fell asleep before they were done eating and got "Im not having this conversation with you, you knew what you needed to do"
So I told him to finish dinner himself and went downstairs. Now Im starving and Im just going to go to sleep since Im such screw up. This is the last time I cook anything for anyone in this house. Guess theyll go back to surviving on frozen chicken patties. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.