id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
d3CC4V5nyVsIZNbgzSLpp8NsxjlNSxqM | anjkcs | {
"description": "telling my pregnant friend she needs to focus more on the baby she has already got",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I told my pregnant friend she needs to focus more on the baby she has already got? | Throwaway for obvious reasons. My friend has a 5 month old baby and just found out she's pregnant again with her second but she's acting like it's her first pregnancy and the 5 month old doesn't even exist.
Bit of background: when her baby was born, let's call the baby summer, she didn't bond very well and didn't even hold the baby for the first 12 hours because she "didn't know how" her boyfriend, let's call him Jim, who is not the biological father, held the baby first, dressed her did her first nappy and bottle feed etc. (Biological father is out of the picture entirely) This of course led to post natal depression but she's never got help with it or admitted it to anyone but me and her boyfriend. She told her boyfriend a few months ago (I only just found this out) to take summer away because she can't cope and she's struggling and it's obvious she has not bonded at all. He said no he's not even her dad and never wants to be called dad etc he will always be Jim. She puts summer in a high chair in front of the TV or lays her on the floor and that's pretty much it, when she cries but isn't hungry she gives her Calpol to get her to go to sleep. As soon as Jim is home from work he is on full baby duty. Jim is from a town a few hours away and quite frequently he takes the baby to his parents and stays there for a few days while the mum stays at home by herself. This first happened when the baby was 5 days old. Jim's parents look after the baby while he goes out and has fun with his mates.
Now she's pregnant again with Jim's baby this time and she says she's so excited to have a 'new baby' because new babies are cute. She also said because she's pregnant she needs to find something to do for the next 9 months while waiting for the baby because she's got nothing to do. Her period is literally only 2 days late and only just had a positive test, she's already thinking about the birth, telling her manager and parents etc. It's crazy. For anyone who doesn't know the first 12 weeks are sadly really high risk of losing the baby anything can happen. She's literally forgotten the 5 month old even exists of course she's got things to do for the next 9 months and that's raising the baby she's already got! I'm concerned for summer and the mum because the mum can't cope with the one she's got, let alone having 2 under 2, but won't seek help, I've told her to get help before but she just says she's better now and its only this current age she can't cope with. She's solely focused on being pregnant it's ALL she talks about.
I'm really concerned so would I be the asshole for saying she needs to slow down, not solely focus on the new one until after 12 weeks and get some professional help with bonding with summer before anything else?
TL;DR: my friend has a 5 month old baby who she can't cope with and is 1 month pregnant again already and acting like it's her first. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
vS1ywMXYAoZAr7K0a83rVdov8qC481gq | b3zjag | {
"description": "wanting to give up on my sister",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting to give up on my sister? | My sister (35 y.o), Anna, and me (23 y.o.) are not very close. But over the years I tried to have a relationship with her. She's lost many friends and family along the way and does not have a job. She stays home all day and chastises my parents, even though my parents have provided so much for her.
We did not grow up rich and my family has had some financial troubles. My parents have done their best by working multiple jobs to provide for us. However, my sister does not see it this way and thinks they're horrible for putting work above their children. Ironically, my sister is very spoiled and has gotten everything she's demanded. Let's just say my parents are one of the reasons why Anna is not a good person and for enabling her, but that's a different story.
As a result, Anna absolutely loathes my mom and talks crap about her and my mom is one of the reasons why I believe Anna may have depression. Now I know my mom is not a saint, but she's trying her best. My mom does love all of us deeply, and she really does want to help Anna.
Anna has made numerous negative comments about my mom, and I don't like hearing them. I'll listen to her rants, but the rants become shouts, and it goes on for hours and is very tiring. I've told her to not be so consumed with hatred and to not waste energy being so hateful. I've told her to focus that energy elsewhere and to keep herself occupied with hobbies. All of our hangouts have just been one-sided conversations about how our mom sucks and thinks I'm siding with my mom and ignorant of everything because I won't join in the rants. I do not want to feed into her negativity.
I've also offered to help her find a job,but she LOATHES working. I don't think her depression is preventing her from wanting to get a job, but rather she does not believe in working for money. She had an ex-bf who paid for everything and she's made comments to me such as, "You can live the rest of your life comfortably now that you've worked full time for a couple years with the money you saved up. Just get a part-time job and rely on the government to pay for your rent and mortgage." She's so delusional and is very closed-minded, so convincing her otherwise is not worth the time.
Anyway, I understand that maybe her going to work is going too fast, and I think professional help is the best option for her right now. I've suggested Anna to see a counselor but she is hesitant. There have been times that Anna has been open about seeing a counselor, but Anna said that she doesn't have enough money. I've offered to pay for her sessions, cause I genuinely want to help her out, but Anna refuses to take my money. But Anna doesn't believe in working, so it's a vicious loop...
AITA for wanting to give up on Anna? Anna does not show any signs of wanting to help herself, so I can't force her to get help. I want to help her, but she's such a toxic person and I feel like my mental health is declining every time I'm around her. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
uvaucboIhp3DAqu2hatuS7A95dytqYEX | am4sbe | {
"description": "not covering shifts at work",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not covering shifts at work? | I’m a full time college student and I work part time as a Certified Nursing Assistant. I work Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays 2p.m.-10p.m. as that is what I am available to work. I get a call almost everyday around 4 a.m. saying that they need someone to come in for day shift. I have covered shifts before my school term started. But now I usually say no as most of my time outside of work is dedicated to my schooling. What do you guys think? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
38fPoqybt2YRqSuAY9Dyx02OcxdQ0Cu1 | b9gc41 | {
"description": "sending a letter to USCIS telling them my husband married me for a green card, potentially resulting in him being deported",
"pronormative_score": 88,
"contranormative_score": 21
} | WIBTA if I sent a letter to USCIS telling them my husband married me for a green card, potentially resulting in him being deported? | I am American, husband is not. We had our Legal Marriage (LM) in spring '17, and our Wedding Reception (WR) when we began living together in Fall '17.
I applied for his green card after our LM.
After the wedding it was revealed that he was completely broke, after having told me he was well off. My parents gave him over $10k during the wedding reception (traditionally how it's done) and the day after our WR he revealed he had $1,500 left out of the 10k and he had given the $1,500 to his mother who was at the wedding & did not need it. He asked to borrow 10k from me to support us until his work permit came in.
​
Husband insisted he didn't want me to work and we had a big fight about that. Once his work permit arrived, he got a job in another state and told me I should stay with my parents while he worked for at least 3 months so that he could pay off his debts. Debts he never told me about before.
​
When I finally got to the new state, we didn't talk much. He would go to work, come back, take a nap, wake up, eat dinner alone (if I made dinner, he would sometimes say, "I feel like eating x" and walk out without asking me if I wanted to go with him), then go back to sleep. On the weekends he spent half a day playing soccer, the other half napping it off, then would want to relax and be left alone. We barely spoke, no matter how often or how much I tried.
He got his green card in September and immediately went to visit his family back home, without me. When he came back, he was even worse. I set up a mediation with my dad and uncle, who flew to our home to speak to us. He got belligerent and said we should separate for two months.
I left 9 days later and sent him a text asking for us to set a date to meet again. He never responded to this text. My dad called his dad over the next two months to ask about when we would meet again & got a vague "I'll talk to him and call you back" but never heard back.
We got a family friend involved managed to talk to husband. Husband was furious and said "How dare they act like they want to reconcile after they've talked to lawyers and my wife made me leave the house with no care about where I was staying for a whole week!"
We \*had\* talked to lawyers, because husband had completely stopped communicating with me or my family and we had no idea whether he was ever going to come back or not.
I, also, had not made him leave, he had been the one to insist on me leaving.
​
If I send this letter, chances are high he will get deported. My moral dilemma is twofold:
​
1. I have no idea whether he married me for a green card. It sure seems that way, but I'm not God and do not know what his intentions were.
​
2. All I want is for his green card to be revoked because he got that through me. However, his green card being revoked is inseparable from him being deported, which seems overly mean because he came here on his own. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 88,
"EVERYBODY": 14,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 6
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 88,
"WRONG": 21
} | RIGHT |
aTzdZ4OaPQhMZicuJ7a9GtlHWH0kS4yo | a7hus9 | {
"description": "asking for a favour",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 26
} | Aita for asking for a favour | I was on a dating site and a lot of the features are paid but it's possible to do some stuff for free..
I was talking to a guy but he lived 5 hours away and distance isn't something I'm wanting to compromise on.
There is a guy im very interested in but I can't contact him because I dont have the paid version.
I asked the long distance guy to pass on my snap to him. I explained the distance was an issue and nothing against him. He didn't take it too well.
Aita? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 26,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 26
} | WRONG |
bko915R3l1famVQdQxfzkM9CmolZN42n | ba9i2d | {
"description": "being against my son becoming child free",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 29
} | AITA for being against my son becoming child free? | I have only one son, who is 16 years old. I am not that old, only 36 years old. Unfortunately he doesn't want to continue our family tree.
Backstory:
I love him very much. He was always a good boy. Polite, straight A's, and recently we moved to a different country for him to continue his studies. All of our savings and efforts are for him, but recently I found that everything was pointless. He doesn't want children. I don't know how to explain to him that you must reproduce. It is normal.
Living without children is pointless.
PS: this was written by u/zanyat to represent the perspective of my mother. she read the comments, and disagrees with all the people who commented, and asked me to write a different post | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 29,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 29
} | WRONG |
hIwyTeX4ner45sNJsoNeIspMlS3r6JWB | b8lsop | null | WIBTA to my Mom If I dont delete my "embarrassing" FB Post | My Mom has always critized my posts on Facebook for being immature and embarrassing for other family to see. I was 13 when I first opened my account so I guess good on my parents for preventing me from posting potentially cringy stuff, but I eventually stopped using social media entirely because I was afraid how judgemental my parents were. To be clear, I am thankful of my parents here, I don't want to paint them in a bad light for doing this.
I'm 21 now and started to use Facebook again because it's good to keep in touch with friends and I think a lot has happened in my life worth sharing and I also started to care less what other people think of me.
I thought an April fools Jon made by Elon Musk in his tweet was pretty funny. His tweet went something like this:
"First person who comments gets a free Tesla"
First comment by Elon musk himself: "April Fools!"
Pretty sure most Reddit users who were active yesterday know what I'm referencing. I decided to do pretty much the same thing on Facebook saying I was going to give away my gaming laptop to the first comment, and the first comment was me saying "April Fools". My friends and girlfriend thought it was funny in their reacts and comments to my post; but then I get this message by my Mom in the morning:
"
Anon sweetheart I love you and miss you very much
I know April fools day is your favorite time to do jokes. Mostly you do those jokes with family close friends personally.
Please delete the one you have on your Facebook page I would appreciate it because you sound silly you’re not taking your life circumstances seriously thank you
It’s funny it’s so you bu it’s a joke 15year olds make not your age and the problems you have.
You should take the gift of free time and read the Bible or and socially educated books. Go to library nog coffee shop
Please grow up
"
I think this is just rediculous and I want to finally call her out on it. Before I do, I want to take the chance to calm down so I know I'm not over reacting and look for outside opinions from other people first. I just want to say "Its a harmless joke that my friends seem to appreciate, I'm sorry if it doesn't appeal to you. I won't delete it." and then defend myself from there if she gets mad at for saying that.
For extra context, I'm currently travelling for business and don't have access to the internet unless I go to Starbucks for free WiFi which is where I tend to spend most of my day communicating with friends, my girlfriend, and of course Reddit.
Should I apologize and delete my post, or would I be the asshole if I doubled down and tell my mom no? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
I42TutMPDjdsiv1JPCFKvjtjwlKjGGXB | b85t7m | {
"description": "not wanting to tell a potential employer that I plan to get pregnant soon",
"pronormative_score": 34,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for not wanting to tell a potential employer that I plan to get pregnant soon? | I am currently in the process of looking for a new job and have begun very early conversations with a prospective employer. They are a smallish company (about a hundred employees or so), and are currently hiring for a role (this would be the first of its type in the company as they have only recently grown to a size where the business need has come up) that would be reporting directly to a manager who is looking to start a new team.
​
At the same time, I am planning to start trying for my first child this year. This would mean a timeline where I join the company for about half a year to a year or so, then be out of the office on maternity leave for 3-5 months afterwards. I do not intend to tell the company about my family plans. I understand that the company is not legally allowed to ask about this.
​
My husband however believes that if he were me, he would not be comfortable with this decision and would prefer to let the company know of my plans once I get later into the hiring process. His reasoning is that while I have no legal obligation to let the company know in advance that I intend to get pregnant, going out of office for a few months less than half a year into a new job would be extremely disruptive to any team, and especially so given the size of the company and the fact that I am being hired as the first member of a new team.
​
On the other hand, I believe that if the company is interested in my skills and willing to hire me, they should also be accepting of the fact that I plan to take time off to pursue a personal goal that is very important to me. He says that from the perspective of the hiring manager, what I am doing is no different from someone who joins the company for half a year and decides to go on a 5 month vacation to travel. The only difference is that in this case, my absence from work would be legally protected and that while I am allowed to do this, it would strain the relationship with my manager significantly and would result in an uncomfortable work environment upon my return. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 29,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 34,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
2FzmeyCSkZKprsdF5rEQd39aEbTHB4j6 | a1zenn | {
"description": "losing my shit at one of my flatmates",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for losing my shit at one of my flatmates | My flatmate (call her person A) has been difficult to live with. Originally it was five of us living together splitting rent evenly so it could be paid off. We all moved together because we are friends.
Last month one flatmate had to leave due to money issues (we all agreed to it that we'd pay extra rent even though some of us are struggling with money already). Ever since he moved out person A has been blackmailing us with the idea of her leaving the house, leaving us with the remainder of the rent to pay (which is too much for the remaining three of us)
The main reason she threatens us with this idea is because someone was watching tv just outside of person A's room ( this is where the living room is located). We believe that what she has been complaining about is incredibly petty especially when she is threating to leave us with debt we wouldn't be able to pay.
Person A had first pick of all of the rooms, she was the one who chose the room right next to the living room and we've even offered her other rooms but she just refuses, nothing we can do about that.
Not too long ago we just had a massive arguement involving all of the flat members which ended with us shouting, cursing and name calling.
Right now with what just happened we're struggling to still call person A our friend because she would willingly stab us in the back and run if given the chance.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
IoJG7iC10QcaXxCdEd9zRiAx0oq2t7fp | b1jc0r | {
"description": "feeling wronged by my \"Ex\" dating another person",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For Feeling Wronged By My "Ex" Dating Another Person? | Alright, first off, I might make a few mistakes while writing this, that I'll attempt to remedy later.
So I was dating this girl for 9+ months, Started January-ish of 2018, and it "ended" around November-ish. Should mention I've never been abusive towards her in any way and I always tried to be the best boyfriend I could, and what happened was that I ended up getting hammered with work with the start of this school year, and because of that I wasn't as attentive, as I should have been. I tried to be there when I could, I was there when she needed a shoulder to lean on and I tried to do whatever I could while maintaining my Academics and everything. The Circumstances of us breaking up was essentially that her father was getting deployed again (U.S. Military) and she was going through a lot emotionally and our relationship ended up being one of the things she needed to break off to keep herself alright emotionally, and I completely understood and even said, that completely fine, and that I'd stay loyal to her even through this rough patch in her life. I stopped talking to her for a few weeks, with the thought I'd stay loyal to her in my head. A month or so passes, and she snapchats me about something (She blocked me that day because she couldn't have something I said in our chats, it was something about how she was depressed. Ect.) After that all happened, I said whatever cool, she'll add me back when her parents check her phone. It's whatever. This was one of the first time I've been so wrong about something in my entire life. Two weeks after this, it's now today, and I iMessage her, asking when she's going to unblock me and she said that "Idk, I have a boyfriend now" and this just hit me with a wave of shock since I cared about her, and I really tried to do all I could in that relationship, it's the first relationship I was in with a girl, and I wanted to really go somewhere with it. My entire love life has been really hard for me and I, I don't know what I expected honestly. I've hit so many brick walls this feels like another one, but I can't pin what's different about this. I guess I'm asking if me being depressed about her dating another guy is a "reasonable" reply to it. I, guess I'm going on a bit of a rant right now and I just can't really collect myself. Maybe I'm just destined for everything I do to fail.
This probably wasn't the right sub to post to was it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
5xUr8stVdZYesO4LhyXDm6ZUaGktFLIt | b53pu3 | {
"description": "not giving my roommate money that would have saved his cat's life",
"pronormative_score": 54,
"contranormative_score": 27
} | AITA for not giving my roommate money that would have saved his cat's life? | This was a couple years ago, with a former roommate, F. We lived in an apartment that did not allow pets, as per the lease. Several cats wandered around the complex, and my roommate ended up taking a liking to a kitten. F would take the kitten inside, feed him, and otherwise care for him any time F was home. He was cute, as all kittens are, but I was always begrudgingly opposed to taking him in, on account of it being a lease violation that could cost us the apartment. F didn't care, and dug in further, getting proper cat supplies, and getting the kitten fixed. He let the kitten out when he was at work and keep him inside otherwise.
After a few weeks of this, the kitten was attacked by some of the older cats and his stitches from the fixing were torn on top of other severe injuries. F told me that his finances were wiped out from the cat supplies and getting him fixed, and asked me to cover the ~$300 operation, or the kitten would have to be put down due to the injuries. I ended up deciding to decline, as he already owed me a lot of money from backed up bills and I had been opposed to taking in the adorable lease violation in the first place. Without my money, he had to have the kitten put down. This understandably tanked our relationship for the remaining 7 months we lived together.
I bring this up now because I've since moved out and became a cat dad myself, in an apartment that allows it. I grew up with pets, but this is the first one that's actually my own. It's given me a lot more context into his feelings at the time, since it was the first pet he'd ever had in his life, and the pain I caused him as a result of my decision. Was I the asshole after all in this situation? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 44,
"EVERYBODY": 11,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 54,
"WRONG": 27
} | RIGHT |
Amu7KEhZHp5qfAJWsSvWKwWfdnhKOrzd | 9zqtdp | {
"description": "getting annoyed by people talking foreign languages and not be able to communicate in the national language",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for getting annoyed by people talking foreign languages and not be able to communicate in the national language? | I live in Europe and in the last years I have seen a recent increase on the amount of people talking other languages, what annoys me it’s not the fact that they talk their native languages between each other, but the fact that they or I try to communicate each other we always have to switch in English because they don’t know the local language, I find it really annoying, especially when they have been living here for some years | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
ICk6Ur2RTMd8sOisBKfwCmzCWO9eojGx | afc5hf | {
"description": "not leaving the dog park when my puppy jumped on a toddler",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for not leaving the dog park when my puppy jumped on a toddler? | I bring my 7 month Irish Setter puppy to a local dog park at least once a week. This one location is essentially two large fenced in areas, one for dogs under 25 pounds and one for larger dogs. There is also a climbing structure and swing set for children outside of the dog park fences. My boy is 50 pounds at 7 months and very tall, as is typical of the breed.
We have been working on training, but I do admit that the stimulation of the park usually makes most of what I tell him go in one ear and out the other. It’s also important to note that I fully admit to not having full control over him jumping on people yet.
The other day, a family brought their bulldog into the park. The family consisted of a mother, father, and 2 or 3 year old child. My dog mostly ignored the people and played with all of the dogs, until the little girl started picking up loose tennis balls and trying to throw them. My dog jumped up and knocked her over in an attempt to get the ball. She fell backwards into dirt and started crying. I ran over, lightly scolded my dog, and apologized while saying that he was just a puppy and didn’t know how to control his body. (I actually work as a teacher for kids around this girl’s presumed age and figured such language would help explain that holding a tennis ball up might cause confusion for a puppy).
The parents seemed understanding at first, but the exact same thing happened again less than ten minutes later. I again pulled the dog away, even though he wasn’t actively going after the kid anymore. He only wanted the ball. The parents did nothing but comfort the little girl. I could see where this was going but didn’t know what else I could do. Ten minutes later, my pup is chasing the kid around the inner perimeter of the fence with a frisbee in her hand. He didn’t even jump on her when she ran screaming crying to her parents. He anxiously waited for her to throw the toy.
This is when the mother started huffing and puffing that she “guessed [they] have to leave!” She was visibly agitated and made no effort to remove her child from the situation by picking her kid up, telling her to stop trying to play with a dog double her size, or have one of the adults take the kid to the adjoining playground outside of the dog area gates. The father quietly gathered their dog and its things, while the mom hurried the child to their car with a scowl on her face.
I don’t really know how to train my dog not to jump for toys other people are holding. I personally turn my back on him when he jumps until he’s calm/sitting before throwing anything. In my opinion, dog parks are for dogs to socialize, not children, and I did nothing wrong. However, the glares I got from the family and another park patron made me think I might be wrong. So, Reddit, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
HaAWSLdzg0O9X2sMC8cEqoosyKbyiFzi | aeot9v | {
"description": "not tipping a cashier",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not tipping a cashier? | Getting dinner out. Ordered online. Picked up after work. Whenever I go to run my card (before I even swipe) the machine has a question that you must answer: Would you like to tip? And there’s ‘no tip’ and a few other preset options.
Before I submit to your judgment, I will say that I absolutely tip in every service that is appropriate, even if it isn’t a job very well done (sometimes people have bad days and need a little help getting moving in the right direction). But despite this being a cashier and food transaction (nothing more than a hello when I walk in), I can’t help the feeling that I’m an asshole for not tipping. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6n0YGoWlv21OxhFi5DNEWWZISVM5oYSw | b9h8ue | {
"description": "buying pot",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA FOR BUYING POT | Me and my fiancee are just barely scraping by, she cleans houses and I do landscaping part time, we're barely scraping by but we're making it. So I offer her a 20 out of my wallet, she refuses to take it. I keep a 20 (not the 20 I tried to give her) for myself to buy some pot and she's pissed at me. She doesn't smoke or drink none of it. I just smoke so no drinking for me(it doesn't sit well with my meds) am I the asshole because I'm keeping a 20 for pot? I mean we're broke either way so I'd rather be stoned and broke than sober and broke. I buy weed once every two weeks if I'm lucky. She's constantly on my case about pot. If we get into a fight guess what's being brought up. My pot and how I'm basically worthless/ not making enough money/need a real job. I just figured I'd ask the people of reddit if I'm the asshole. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
ERIZdcRynDLqPkbz1kE0Kxos880TnT5E | b5vwc5 | {
"description": "sending a card to my ex GF because her dad died but not telling my current GF I did so",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA For sending a card to my ex GF because her dad died but not telling my current GF I did so. | Ok so, this happened a few months ago and let me set up some back ground information. Ex and I had a very serious and long relationship, 5+ years and it lasted through high school and into college. It ended horrifically and we have no talked for years until I heard that her dad passed away, and he was a real stand up guy. So, I reached out to my ex to ask if it was ok if I could send a card in regards to her fathers passing. She said it was ok. The thing is, I never told my current gf about me doing so, because I don't want to bring up any sort of fight or argument. So....am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
BDWyEIU3MuvUsqNhTvxbCg5wtyhr0LVQ | augpmd | {
"description": "never wanting to see roommate's boyfriend's face again",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for never wanting to see roommate’s boyfriend’s face again? | The title is an exaggeration, but my (22F) roommate’s (23F) boyfriend (23M) is always here, and I’m super tired of it!
It used to be much worse — boyfriend was here at least 5 nights a week, and he and roommate effectively took over the common areas (bc we live in a super tiny apartment) every night. It was hard to so much as cook dinner at home, because they were in the kitchen for an hour or so every night right after I got home late from work. They also often neglect to take out the trash in the kitchen, which I don’t contribute to since I never cook here. They also always play music (not terribly loudly, but certainly not quietly) when they’re in the common areas, even if I’m also there and clearly trying to work. I know I should address these things but I just don’t want to come across as an asshole.
I asked for a no-guests policy three nights a week, and roommate has very much respected that, but boyfriend is still here every other night, and it’s just so very annoying, especially because he doesn’t contribute monetarily to rent or utilities. It’s annoying when I’m trying to get ready in the morning and he’s in the bathroom, or when he comes out of roommate’s room post-sex (which is all the time, and I mean good for her, but it’s a bit much) just wearing a towel. I’m a fairly private person, so it’s getting difficult for me.
I just don’t know if these are reasonable grievances or not! I’d convinced myself they were, but then someone else in another subreddit told me it just seemed like I’m not a person who lives well with others... so AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
rVqhIe8ivv2g7APqkrFhrLoeZBNxUiut | 9tkpnc | {
"description": "not caring that my frend is in a relationship",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not caring that my frend is in a relationship | Let me start this by saying I'm fairly certain the answer is YTA, but I want to delve in an see.
I made friends with this guy, well call him Tom, a few years ago, and we'd hang out a few times a week. At first things were going well, then he got distant and eventually cut me off. Eventually we got to talking again and he acted like nothing was wrong. It was like he didn't notice how his abrupt cutting me off affected me.
This cycle would go on for a few years, him not talking to me for months, and my "What's up" texts piling up to the point where I would be convinced I was bothering him and he didn't want to talk to me anymore, and then we'd meet in person and it would be like nothing changed. Like we were still friends. And then back to nothing.
I feel like I have put in so much work into this friendship, and he just doesn't care. I've talked to mutual friends about it, and they've said he is just weird about friendships. But I see him making plans with friends, friends talk about hanging out with him or making plans with him. And this is fairly regularly. I'm just not convinced that he is "weird about friendship". I think he just doesn't care about me.
So about two months ago I heard from mutual friends that he is in a relationship. They were happy for him, and of course I was happy to hear he was happy. But there was a certain fatigue I felr to. This is where I get to the AITA. I found myself slightly apathetic to this news. I've been doing some self searching and just feel that I put in 90% of the effort in the friendship, and got little in return. Fair enough if he doesn't want to be friends anymore. But am I the asshole if I just don't care about this relationship he's in. Or really anything he's doing anymore. I just feel a mixture of sadness, fatigue, and apathy when it comes to this friendship. The cycle of him not giving anything and then suddenly acting like we're buddies has gone on for so long. I feel like I'm lying to myself because I hate losing friends.
So reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
YmzbFQJGJJfD3gnbPE9lTO67nvaCG5zZ | b6evil | {
"description": "offering a hook up after ending things",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for offering a hook up after ending things? | I’m a bi guy and I recently got my heart broken by another bi guy because he left me for my best friend. It’s been rough of course, but luckily my friend group has for the most part had my back. One girl in particular has.
One night, she texted me asking if I’d like to hook up. I asked if she wanted to just have sex or date as well and she said she just wanted sex. I agreed and about a week later asked her about when she wanted to do it. At this point though she changed her mind and decided she’d like to have something more serious. I was fine with that. I certainly like her as a friend but typically I have this gut feeling about someone if I know we’re a good fit together which I didn’t have with her, but I figured a date or two couldn’t hurt and maybe I would feel that.
We went on two dates, both of which went well but she still didn’t really excite me as I like someone to. A few nights ago she told me the next date she wanted to have sex. After each date she was very pushy asking me if there’d be another, which is a bit of a turn off for me. But mainly, I still could not see myself falling in love with her and I’m still not completely over that guy.
Last night I called her and told her how I felt. She said it was alright and didn’t seem upset at all. I figured since she seemed so not affected, she had asked to have sex, and she initially wanted to “just have sex”, I’d ask if she was okay with hooking up ever. If she didn’t seem like she wanted to have sex as bad as she did then I wouldn’t have even asked. I certainly wished I had waited longer than the night after ending it. She said yes, but her best friend who I’m also friends with said it was an asshole move.
I can see how on the surface it seems that way, but she seemed like she really wants to fuck, and she asked me to WITHOUT dating so I figured in her eyes that wasn’t a necessary piece to the puzzle. Not to mention she is apparently planning on sleeping with another guy that she recently dated then ended things with. I definitely think I should have waited longer, but otherwise I don’t get why what I did was an “asshole move”. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
6ylfL2yq4d4365fIe4XrPh6JG5ffT6fQ | achpj4 | {
"description": "pretending to be gay to break up with my ex girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 21
} | AITA for pretending to be gay to break up with my ex girlfriend? | I'm not actually gay, but I didn't want her to feel bad because I didn't love her anymore | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 21,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 21
} | WRONG |
cLyy9BxvM8xSa26IFskuKb7heCPGoLu6 | acywbg | {
"description": "not talking to my dad",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not talking to my dad? | So here's a little backstory for context. My dad lives about two blocks from me, and for a long time we were really close. We would snapchat, text, or call at least daily, and visit or go on outings about once a week.
One day earlier last year, about April/May, he suddenly stopped responding to text messages. He had previously asked me to check on him if I didn't hear from him, in case he fell down the stairs or had any other sort of accident/medical emergency. A reasonable request; after the silence started I went over to check on him. He was, er, with his girlfriend, so I left him alone after I saw he was ok but we didn't talk because it was embarrassing.
Later he called me and told me he would no longer answer text messages because he wanted to have "more interactive and face to face relationships", in his words. He then told me if I wanted to contact him to leave a voicemail and he'd call me back
So, since that was bullshit, I stopped calling and texting. I saw him several times in June because his birthday/father's day /rest of the family was in town. I had a panic attack at his house during this time and left abruptly. No one in my family who saw me break down and leave bothered to check on me afterwards, including him.
He's made little to no attempt to contact me in the months since. We talked on my birthday im September, but I suspect he called out of obligation. He mentioned I've been distant, but I told him I live right down the road and he can call me anytime.
He did not invite me over for Thanksgiving. I went over Christmas, but I asked if I could--the only reason I did was because two of my siblings who live out of state were in town visiting for the holiday (which they didn't tell me about, much to my despair). He didn't get me a Christmas gift, either (a first in my life, he has ALWAYS gotten me something, even if it's just an Amazon gift card).
I feel like I've made a show of effort over Christmas by arranging a visit. I asked him to keep in touch, which he has not done. I don't want to put in effort if he won't. Does that make me the asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
bqhbWnIoKnAFvWa0T7KGIMMaSnQ1Z317 | b0gcj2 | {
"description": "wanting to keep things neutral",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to keep things neutral? | I work in a family owned seasonal high volume restaurant which is massive. During the summer there are both inside and outside bars and dining areas but during off season we are only serving indoors. We also do most of out hiring and training during our off season so by the time we are in full swing everyone is on the same page. We have always tried to keep our bars sports related so we have always our 6 TVs programmed with whatever live sports that are being played or sport center or similar programming. Recently we hired a young man that refuses to put anything on the TV except for news channels. I get you want to be informed on what's going in the world but our clientele is too diverse and broad to have the talking point in the bar be political or religious or something that we know is going to be a catalyst for someone to be insensitive or ignorant. I have tried to be polite about it and approach it sensitively by stating that we should keep the TVs on sports or something light just to avoid it all together because it always ends horribly but now I have gotten to the point to where I just change them without saying anything anymore. Our other coworkers have tried to express their feelings about it as well and tell him that they aren't trying to have conversations about the news or politics either with our bar guests because we know that not all of us are going to agree with one another but not everyone handles other peoples opinions well so why even go there in the first place. When alcohol and strong opinions mix things tend to get a little intense. Am I the asshole for wanting to keep things neutral and light? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
yBcQckdzWfDtQamI0ct5eSF1tNuccL7X | b3avhz | {
"description": "asking her to stay",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | WIBTA If I Ask Her To Stay? | **First time poster so Apologies for the Formatting**
​
So, My Girlfriend and i have been going out for around 7 Months now and Things are great. Recently she has had the opportunity to go to Holland to study.
I'm Split in two. On one hand i spent alot of my years as a kid moving about to different places, Staying on islands, In big city's. It was an incredible way to learn about the different places you can stay and see a different bit of the world i hadn't seen before. So that side of me knows that it is an incredible opportunity for her and i'm sure she would love it.
​
The somewhat More selfish part of me doesn't want to see her go. She is extremely important to me and i do really see a future with us. I'm at my happiest when i'm with her and don't want to lose that.
​
I Really don't know what i do Reddit but my hearts telling me to ask her to stay.
​
WIBTA If i do? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
SHkUYO9sA5p4mJbRovCjDc8gdrZBrnls | b86822 | {
"description": "not letting my friend cheat off of me",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not letting my friend cheat off of me? | So I'm in a prestatistics class with my friend Emma.
We've known each other since childhood, live like 5 minutes away from each other, but haven't really hung out much except when our third friend Annie moved back to town.
Over group text we had made so many plans about all the girl's nights and outings we'd do when Annie moved back. Emma and I flew to Annie's twice for vacation. We were all in a wedding together, went to Annie's graduation together.
Annie moved back this past July. She lives 5 minutes away from me in the other direction.
Well, around Christmas Annie and I realized that the three of us had only hung out maybe 4 or 5 times, and that's because Emma was always canceling, switching what days she was available to hang out to the point where we gave up, or just flat out telling us that she was working. She would ignore texts, just stuff like that.
So we decided that we'd just start doing stuff together, and not worry about Emma anymore. We didn't mention it to Emma because we didn't want to rub her face in it.
A lot of stuff happened, drawn out drama where Emma told everyone we were mean for treating her the way she treated us- not initiating texts and not trying to make plans.
In the course of everything we found out that Emma has been lying to us about a lot of stuff. She's not the person we thought she was. And she makes me very uncomfortable now.
I don't want to associate with her anymore, but we're stuck taking this class together and will be in the same statistics class in the fall, so I have decided to try and stay pleasant.
Well, I always do my homework. It's challenging, so I start early and go work at the math lab with tutors if I need help. I've invited Emma before, but she cancels at the last minute.
Well, we had one section due this morning at 8. It really didn't take that long, just like 2 1/2 hours instead of 6.
At 7 am Emma texted me for the answers. I delayed answering her and then just gave her directions about how to do the work. She then asked for screenshots.
I waited until I knew she'd be driving and then sent it. So she wasn't able to turn her homework in.
At break she made it sound like I had all the luxury of devoting hours to the homework (I get up at 5 and go do it at Starbucks while it's quiet).
She lives 4 blocks away from the town library.
They stay open until 9, she could walk over and put in a few hours. I don't know why she doesn't make time, but she thought it was unfair that I get to spend hours working on it.
Anyway, AITA for deliberately waiting until it's too late and sending the answers?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
95qvhDQjyvy4mcT09adtxVzZJPdyKmce | a0vifp | {
"description": "using sick days to actively avoid my sick co workers",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I use sick days to actively avoid my sick co workers? |
Basically where I work, everyone came in today sick. Sniffling noses, sneezing, coarse throats etc. I've been lucky and don't have any symptoms... yet. I know if I take the days off, I won't be spending them convalescent, I'll be playing video games all day.
But I fucking hate getting sick, and it feels like I'm in a plague house right now. I also am sympathetic to coworkers who did not take sick days and came in sick. a lot of then have kids, who also get sick, and have to take sick days to look after them.
So I want to take my sick days I have accrued and use them to get out of here for a few days, and miss most of the worst from my sick co workers, and hopefully dodge being sick.
I understand that people shouldn't use sick days as extra vacation days, as that leaves you with no options when you do get sick, and you can infect co workers. I also understand that the difference between using sick days for vacation, and what I intend to use them for is so subtle to the point of being non existent
So in short, am I the Asshole for wanting to take time off from being around my plague bearing co workers?
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
qARUqBkexCahvL47a0tEP7MaS3Zc6cuL | ast5kg | null | AITA: In-law Crisis | AITA for finally putting my foot down?
Backstory: My in-laws are terrible with money to the point that their utilities are shut off regularly. They also argue constantly and have an explosive relationship. Both work, though bills often go unpaid. My husband has paid their mortgage in the past to help and has loaned money many times for utility payments. On one occasion several years ago, several hundred dollars were loaned for an electric bill. My husband visited a few days later and a new puppy was there that conveniently cost the exact amount borrowed. There are also a few outstanding balances owed to us for under $1000. To be clear: this is not a matter of not earning enough. It's poor money management.
On our side, my husband I live comfortably and are expecting our first child. We have 2 spare rooms in our rancher, though one is the nursery and the other would be our next child's room. My husband is very careful with money, having grown up in such a chaotic environment. We aren't wealthy by any means and live according to a budget.
Fast forward to last week. His mother reached out and said they've been served with foreclosure notice and need several thousand dollars to get caught up. They haven't paid the mortgage since the fall and well over $5000 is needed to bail them out this time. In the meantime, another purchase was made for close to a thousand dollars in the last few months. Obviously that money should have gone to mortgage, not another toy.
My husband is conflicted, feeling like he should either pay the debt or move them in with us, forcing our newborn to remain in our room indefinitely once born. I've been very patient and understanding in the past, but this is the final straw. I feel that his kindness has been exploited again and again and that there is no way out of a scenario where they move in. It would be a dead-end situation and my child would grow up in a war zone with people constantly fighting.
I totally understand wanting to help family, but this isn't a typical situation. He's now upset with me for saying no.
AITA for not wanting them to move in? AITA for not giving thousands of dollars we'll never see back?
We've worked so hard for what we have and have been saving for a new roof (ours has several leaks). I feel so trapped in a lose/lose situation and feel hopelessly taken advantage of. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
wYPmfyXtu0T1gOfihaY7LAEJ7OLGceYR | azccog | null | WIBTA - Just had one of my [26M] girlfriend's [22F] grandma's [70sF] neighbors hit my rear bumper when parking behind me on a hill, and leave their car contacting mine when they went inside. The grandma is freaking out at me for wanting to file a police report. | Just as it says above. Her grandma is pissed off and freaking out because her house is a low income rental. Nobody besides her is supposed to live there, but she's taking care of one of her granddaughters due to negligent parents, and she's worried she'll get in trouble if the cops are contacted.
I want to file a police report because there has easily been ~$300 in damage to my car (probably more), and also this little fuck next door should see consequences for damaging other people's property.
Am I the asshole if I file a police report? Or is she the asshole for not giving a shit about my property and yelling at me that it's "just a chunk of fucking metal"? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
tW705c9uO3Sx46hjtsvNPalxfLnyOPnu | 9xmvc2 | {
"description": "arguing with my mother about the needs of my younger brother",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for arguing with my mother about the needs of my younger brother? | So here’s a little background: I’m the middle child (19) and I have two brothers (23, 15.) My older brother was raised very strictly and was given almost no freedom. As a result he grew up to be very isolated and and has difficulties with social situations. As a result he pushed for me to have more freedom once I got to high school. I became very involved with drugs(weed mainly) and barely even graduated high school (currently in college), BTW me and my siblings are first generation Americans.
This morning I woke up to my younger brother and my mom yelling about parent teacher conference. (Neglected to update them with an exact date). This reminded me of the times I used to argue with her over the same thing. He’s in high school and is given similar freedoms that I was given. I told my mom that her and my dad need more involvement in his school if they want him to do better and that he needs guidance to accompany his freedom so he doesnt make the same mistakes I made. This criticism was not taken well and sparked a very heated conversation right before she left work leaving both of us very emotional. In her defense I did use very poor wording and came off as if I was blaming her and my dad for all our problems (language barrier did not help either). I feel bad for bombarding her with these criticisms as she was busy getting ready for work but I think it was necessary for her to hear.
For the record my parents have been amazing parents as they have sacrificed plenty to provide for us and give us the best despite our rocky relationship. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
kA0SkmnRTLbGX6278YmFgO8ncQ5F6K5A | avzx2e | {
"description": "forgiving my dad's killer, taking 5k from granddad, and trying to take all my dad's money",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for forgiving my dad’s killer, taking 5k from granddad, and trying to take all my dad’s money? | Dad killed in a t-bone collision. It was a very traumatic situation for all of us. My mother, wife and I live locally while the rest of the family live very far. Taking care of things fell on my shoulders. Not, like, "Diggy, you must take care of XYZ" but more like "Diggy, just make sure Mom's okay."
Court date came for this guy. Everyone had returned back East, so I went. It was super quick, over in like ten minutes. The judge sentenced him to probation, license suspension, and Cal-Trans work. (road work on the freeway.)
After court, I followed him outside. To this day, I don't know why. I said, 'Hey. Do you know who I am?" He turned around and said yes, and he got silent and then said "I'm sorry for your Dad.” I talked to him for maybe 10 seconds, then I hugged him. (I feel SO CRINGY thinking about this now) I told him it's okay, I forgive you, and that was that.
My family was FURIOUS. How could I do that? You were representing the FAMILY! We all agreed at the funeral we were going to make this bastard pay! I told them it was the only thing I could think of. It was too much, and didn't want to hate anyone, I was too tired. Their reactions ranged from anger to disappointment. Not one family member was on my side.
My grandfather gave my wife and I $5,000 after the funeral in response to a letter I wrote telling him how dad's death made my life struggle even worse. This triggered my family. I’m a greedy bastard. I was under obligation to share it. That was not your money, its OUR money. Grandpa died shortly after the funeral, and it was assumed as the 'last of the family line' that I would distribute it.
Trying to do the right thing, I went through dad’s mail, found out his bank account info, and accessed it online. I then did some sleuthing how to get the money out, full intentions of giving it to mom. I didn't go so far as to contact probate lawyers which was the next step.
When I told mom what I was doing, "that is not your goddamned money, you are a thief and a disgraceful child and are disgracing your father's name" along with accompanying hate from my sisters.
My contact with my family now is so formal to the point of sarcastic, and no amount of explaining or apologizing has made a bit of difference.
If I'm the asshole here, so be it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 5
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 23,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
55ZNvKj3gnC4hnk0ZS79UXZ5E7Pm6Yg5 | a9lik9 | {
"description": "stealing my money back",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA If I stole my money back? | So this started over Christmas eve dinner, when I excused myself from the table to not scream out while friends and family discussed politics. When dinner was finally over, I went back downstairs to see people off, when an aunt told me that she left me $100 because she didn't know what to get me, and that she left the money with my mom because I wasn't there. Fast forwards to Christmas night, after waving off the final uncle, I asked my mom for the money. She told me that she already spent it on lunch, and her reasoning is that that is how Christmas works, that "we use the things that other gives us to make their experiences better." I thought that sounded like bullshit, and after consulting my friends, they agreed that it was bullshit and I should steal my money back. Now I would never take $100 dollars from my mom without permission, but in this case I feel like I completely deserve the money. So WIBTA if I steal my Christmas money back? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
E01So0A7QLBOaqtBaEHkFuwzUaW9u2tb | agorty | {
"description": "not wanting my girlfriend's mom to be involved with everything in our relationship",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting my (23M) girlfriend's (23F) mom to be involved with everything in our relationship? | So a bit of background, my GF and I have known each other and been good friends since we were 10. I've know her mom for almost as long and we get along incredibly well. GF and her mom are pretty much best friends, and as a result, they tell each other pretty much everything. GF is still somewhat dependent on her mom, as she pays her car insurance, phone bill, medical stuff, etc etc.
We started dating about a year ago after we graduated college, and are about to move in together! We already have an apartment where she is staying ~30 minutes from me, while I'm still living in my current apartment until the end of the month.
In general, things are great. But one of my biggest annoyances is that her mom is always involved with everything. Traveling? Mom can help us get plane tickets with her credit card miles. Getting furniture for the apartment? Mom can help get us something. We had an argument? Mom has this to say about it.
Part of the reason I'm making this post is because we got into a fight last night. I got home from work and had a little too much vodka to drink. Girlfriend texts me saying the internet is out and asks if she can stay the night, to which I reply yes. While on her way, I guess I passed out and she ended up knocking on the door, windows, and ringing the doorbell for an hour and half until my apartment mate let her in. She came in sobbing and I wake up confused as hell and still drunk, and then I realized I fucked up. Asshole for that for sure, I know. But this morning she tells me I need to apologize to her mom because she called her while she was stuck outside... What in the actual fuck? I got pissed and told her I'm not apologizing to her mom for shit, I'm not dating her and she shouldn't have even been involved since she lives 500 miles away.
I love the fact that they're close and the mom and I get along extremely well, I just am tired of everything involving her. I want us to be able to be independent, I don't want her hearing about all of our fights, especially since she only hears my GF's side of things. But I also don't want to be controlling or abusive in any way by isolating her from her mom.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
BxWs013piOTRurazJzDGAHF78YUxHjLY | anlaqd | {
"description": "not revealing that I have a disability before a first date",
"pronormative_score": 89,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for not revealing that I have a disability before a first date? | I've recently gotten back to dating after a serious life-changing event (lost my arm above elbow in 2017). I've met a really cute girl recently and I'm guessing since it's winter and I had my cosmetic prosthesis and gloves on, she didn't notice there was anything wrong with my arm. A week later I gathered the courage to call her up and we chatted for 2 hours straight, after which we agreed to meet for a date. It's always awkward for me to bring up the subject out of the blue and it just never came up in our conversation. When we met for the date I explained what's wrong with my arm and although she was taken aback by it, she seemed positive about it and said encouraging things. However, at the end of the evening she said that although she's generally ok with people with disabilities and it's not a showstopper for her in terms of a partner, I should have been more open and honest and let her know before the date. I immediately felt bad and agreed with her. But when I thought about it after, I'm not sure if I did anything wrong. Her tone sounded as if I intentionally lied or deceived her in some way, but am I obligated to reveal such problems upfront? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 69,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 20,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 89,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
e98sOANoejkLTXmmWUWxJw72KplN6F1W | b9103s | {
"description": "publicly exposing a guy who didn't flush the toilet after him",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for publicly exposing a guy who didn't flush the toilet after him? | I'm in a high school dormitory. I'm a year above the guy who decided to leave piss in the bathroom in the morning. Let's call him Piss-boi (17y/o). He's the second party.
So I see him walking out of our bathroom and was instantly alerted because his bathroom was on the other wing, so I peek into his stall to see that the lid was closed. Already suspecting the worst, I lift it, and I'm somewhat relieved that it was only urine. Still pissed me off enough to call him back before he left the bathroom entirely.
"Hey, [Piss-boi]."
He turned around nonchalantly. "What?"
"Come back," I replied simply, gesturing at the toilet. He did come back. He lifted the lid and went "oh" all dumb-like.
I asked him why he didn't flush. He said that the button required a hard press, and he pressed too softly. I asked him why he didn't hear the flush and he told me some shit about how there were too many people showering. I let him go with a warning, telling him that the next time he'd pull that shit, I'd expose him during evening registration.
Come evening registration, I bump into him by accident and apologize quickly. He tells me to watch where I'm fucking going. I look him dead in the eyes and ask him "you want me to say it?"
He goes "Oh, that time I didn't flush the toilet?" Mind you, he asked that while everyone was still talking, so nobody really heard him.
I nodded. "Yeah, that time. You sure, dude?"
"Yeah, totally."
Our dorm-parent takes registration, goes on about some shit or other, then goes "Does anyone have any announcements to make?"
By the way, I convened with a dormmate of mine who shared bathrooms on the same wing as me and he told me to go ahead. Emboldened, I went ahead.
I am met with instant vitriol. The guy didn't actually expect me to say anything, but I did. After registration, I'm approached by these guys telling me that what I did was bad and that you should have talked to him.
I simply responded with "It's not my fucking job to teach a seventeen-year-old to flush a toilet and it never will be."
Said seventeen-year-old goes petty and tries to engage me in some sort of diss-duel which he promptly loses, and before he can escalate, I walk out because I've got exactly seventy-nine things to do that are more important than trying to come up with some come-back to an infantile defence to why what he did wasn't so bad.
Maybe I shouldn't have reacted so strongly by exposing him when I let him off with a warning, but he was being flagrant about it in front of me, so what choice did I have? Leave him be, have him understand that it's something he can get away with and do it again? This has been a huge fucking issue in our dormitory, and people leave stuff worse than pee (shit, pubes to name a few) in those bowls. I'd love if we could take it more seriously, but the amount of people that jumped to his defence tells me one thing only: I'm one of the few people that takes bathroom hygiene seriously.
Tell me, Reddit. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 12
} | WRONG |
qJ4wCcvar1vZvKNGsYQVN4j7dqV64guJ | a3zfnz | {
"description": "putting someone in their place and defending myself",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA For putting someone in their place and defending myself? | My sister and I were hanging out in a computer lab. It was us and this other girl. We were playing this game online called territory war or something. My character died in a dumb way and I said "Oh my God that's so retarded!" All of a sudden I hear footsteps come towards me and this girl is in my face screaming at me to apologize and how "offensive" my language was and that I was a jerk and a bunch on other stuff. I told her the moment I would apologize to a fat and ugly bitch like herself is the moment I get the rope and end it. She got mad and stormed out, the way she was stomping her feet I thought there would be an earthquake. Anyways my sister scolded me for being too harsh but in my opinion she shouldn't have provoked me and been so sensitive. So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 11
} | WRONG |
Gk3n4JlXZ46ddQUWamP3L67Scfg4abiW | anlggu | {
"description": "telling my friend he was being a dick",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I told my friend he was being a dick? | I broke my toe, like an idiot, right before a wrestling match, and now I’m out for the season. Not a big deal right? Well I was having a conversation with my friend, and then he brought up my toe. I thought, “Ok, here come the jokes about how much of an idiot I was”
He then proceeds to tell me that I’m being dramatic, and that I should’ve just taped it to another toe and not gone to the doctor. He said it’s partly my fault that I have to sit out since I went to the doctor. And while I agree that it’s my fault that I broke my toe, and think it’s unbelievable that he’s saying that I chose to go to the doctor. Of course I told my dad my toe hurt, and that it was bruised black and blue to all hell.
I guess I just feel like maybe he’s partly right, and that I am being dramatic. And I don’t want to cause drama in our friendship because we’re pretty close. I also don’t want to fuck up his relationship with his girlfriend, as he’s mostly a pretty great guy.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
xHg8vbdaAj6tSLvb8AjkcTZQg2V5y3yy | b5wf4g | {
"description": "only helping a girl because I want to sleep with her",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 18
} | AITA for only helping a girl because I want to sleep with her? | I'm a freshman, and at the beginning of the year, I was a completely different person: shy, bo friends, could not talk to girls, overly jealous of people, etc. At this time, among other clubs/sports, i joined mock trial. Being a freshman, I was automatically sent to the jv team. At the end of every year, the JV team has tryouts to see if you're good enough to make varsity. Another girl on the jv team was this girl, let's call her Morgan, who's a junior. My first thought upon seeing her is that, hey, she's pretty cute. But being my shy self, I really kept my feelings to myself. Plus, shes's a junior and I'm a freshman.
But as the school year went on, I became more confident. This was due to playing sports, making new friends through these sports, and learned to talk to girls.
So by this point in the year, I was pretty confident. And last week, it just suddenly hit me: hey, I can talk to Morgan now! So what's the problem? Last week was literally the last meeting for mock trial. So that meant I'd have to wait till next year before flirting with her. But during the meeting, the president mentioned, we have tryouts for next year in three weeks- we try out now instead of, say, the beginning of next year, since mock trial is fresh in our mind. This sparked an idea in my mind: I had so many opportunities to talk to Morgan- which I didn't take, since I was shy- because we were on the same team: we confer twice a week during meetings, meet up every weekend, and such. And next year, I wanted those same opportunities so I can flirt with her. *But*, I only really have these opportunities if we're both on the same team. I know that 95% I was going to make varsity (people on varsity told me), but Morgan had a pretty bad showing and was most likely going to stay on jv. And that's bad: if I'm varsity and she's jv, no meetings, no meetups outside school, and far fewer opportunities in general. So, my idea was this: if I met up every weekend, I could coach her so she might do well in the tryouts and make it to varsity. I think it's an overall win-win situation: 1) we help each other- I help her practice for the tryouts, and she (although to a lesser extent) helps me 2) I help her get into varsity, which means more chances to flirt next year and 3) if I feel like it, I might even have chances to flirt with her during our meetups on the weekend.
Our first meeting went well, and I flirted with her a little. I mentioned this to my friend, but he seemed upset I wasn't helping her out of the goodness of my heart. I just replied, whether I'm doing it for a good reason or not (and I think good here is subjective), I'm still helping her. So since I'm really not hurting her, and am instead helping her, I'm in the right here. He didn't seem to agree.
Is he right? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 18,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 18
} | WRONG |
8RY8w851gytLYATDQxcQr9pIqQdAIwmX | ahwzuw | {
"description": "telling my friend everything that the girls were saying about her",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling my friend everything that the girls were saying about her? | Okay so, the girls I previously hanged out with, were talking shit behind my good friends back even though they were her supposed 'friend'.
I kept telling my good friend that they were bullshitting her, and she wanted to know what they were saying. So I wrote down exactly what they were saying about her and I showed my good friend it.
​
She ended up leaking it to the girls that bullshitted her and I got exposed for detailing their conversation and leaking their private discussions . I got the shit I deserved and ended up leaving the group as the result.
​
(Btw the good friend that leaked what I wrote down apologised to me and we're still friends)
​
/Reupload from old post cuz I accidently detailed it wrong/
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
VOLNxCVI9DcvtTbEIKNQ9dmuhPWsvzpk | b9zydr | {
"description": "agreeing to a morning workout with a friend without running it by my wife",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for agreeing to a morning workout with a friend without running it by my wife | I am married with a 5 year old and a toddler. I am always the one to get up with the kids in the morning. This has been the case for their entire lives. These days the kids are up 6:30-7 most days. My weekday routine is to get up at 5, sneak out to the gym, get back home around 6:30 for a very quick shower, then get the kids out of bed and dressed, play, make breakfast, etc. my wife is usually up 7:30-7:45. She generally helps get them out the door and I drive them to separate preschools at 8:15. On the weekends I again am up first with the kids. Occasionally I will workout only if it can be done during their nap time. The point is I am always the one to be with the kids in the morning, I take care of a lot of parental duties, and I fit my exercise around everyone else’s schedule.
I think it is also worth mentioning that I work and my wife does not. We go to bed at the same time.
A fairly new friend who lives nearby has repeatedly invited me to workout with him in his gym. Over a few months this has never come together, but finally this week we settled on 5:30 Friday morning. Thursday he texted that he could not make the Friday time and asked about doing it at 7am Saturday. I said yes without discussing it with my wife.
She is very grumpy and annoyed at the prospect of me leaving the house just before 7 and her having to wake up to take care of the kids. I do think it was a bit of a misstep to make plans without discussing things with her. However, I don’t think she has much of a right to be very upset. Taking care of you own fucking kids once in a while isn’t so bad, she won’t have to get up that early, and she has such an easy ride the vast majority of the time she should just deal with one mildly inconvenient morning.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
JKxbQYMTlkRpXMDMxGXrTeEfQFSE5cN8 | aj66sq | {
"description": "strongly disliking my parents",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for strongly disliking my parents? | I've never really opened up like this to anyone but this bullshit is getting to me. This is gonna be kinda long but i'd really appreciate it if you read it.
I used to have a really good relationship with my parents but now things are really shitty. I'll start with my dad. He's been cheating on my mom for a while now on POF. I found out about 2-4 years ago and nothing has been the same since. He is also very sexist as he has openly told me multiple times about how he favours my younger brother just because he's a boy. My dad also caused me to have an anxiety attack a few months ago and laughed during it. He's homophobic and transphobic and this scares the shit out of me as i'm pansexual and i'm questioning my gender right now.
My mom is worse. When i was 13 i seriously considered suicide because of her. She didn't abuse me or anything but she stressed me out so much and gave me such bad anxiety that i found it hard to cope and stay positive. I'm doing alot better now though. She has also never believed that i have anxiety despite how obvious it is. I have almost passed out because of my anxiety and when it's really bad i can't even speak to my friends. I don't know why she thinks i'm lying because it fucking sucks. I didn't ask to be like this. She's also why i have trust issues as she constantly makes promises and never keeps them.
My mom is also extremely controlling because i'm not even allowed to leave my street without permission even though i'm obviously old enough. I feel like i don't have any freedom. She even put a tracking device or something on my phone so she knows where i am at all times. This is completely ridiculous as we live in a very safe area. She looks down on people that aren't as fortunate as us and i fucking hate that. It's not like we're rolling in cash, we barely have enough money to fix our goddamned car. She calls people she doesn't know "rough" or "hooligans" when there's probably nothing wrong with them. She has ruined my friendship with one of my best friends because we did something stupid years ago. We haven't been allowed to have sleepovers in over a year (our only chance to see each other) and our friendship will never recover. I actually connected really well with them which never happens and i really miss them.
Despite all of this they have given me a place to live, food and a good education. They spoil me (which i hate, i want love not clothes and etc.) and i know people with worse relationships with their parents. I feel shitty about disliking them because we are family and they have done good things for me. AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
QqUjlgMouV9wox1kXuVPYVlH5PZyAq95 | a00ny6 | {
"description": "supporting the freedom in this country to be an ignorant moron",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for supporting the freedom in this country to be an ignorant moron? | In another subreddit, Public freakout, there is a video of a white woman sitting at a table who tells the woman recording that she doesn’t want her to sit by her because she had dark skin, and that she would prefer that America be all white.
Yes, this white woman is a racist idiot. She is a jerk and a horrible person, no doubt about it! But the reason I stuck up for her was that she was literally just sitting there kind in her own business! The woman recording was the one who chose to escalate the issue, so much so that the racist woman moved tables. It was clear she didn’t want to talk about it or get into a confrontation with the woman recording.
In this country, we have a right to hold any stupid, backwards view we want as long as we don’t harm anyone. That’s what this white woman was doing. I support her right to be a complete moron, as long as she does it by herself, which she was doing. Am I the asshole for supporting her freedom? Am I the asshole for thinking the woman with the darker skin tone should have simply risen above and stayed true to the beautiful woman she is? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
zR1b0b3UqxhtVs5DWwfU2jRvJMrNubmY | avfqjo | {
"description": "getting angry at my roommate for throwing parties and not notifying me in advance",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting angry at my roommate for throwing parties and not notifying me in advance? | Hi! A few months ago, I moved into a new apartment with a roommate whom I didn't really know very well before moving. From the beginning, we wouldn't get along, as she would constantly complain about literally any noise in our house (e.g. me making breakfast or some child crying on the other end of the street). Knowing that she's very sensitive to sounds, I try to make my best - like not moving around house at nights and similar.
At the same time, my roommate would occasionally throw parties with 8-10 people without even notifying me in advance. What makes it worse, is that I know some of the people she's inviting, but I don't get invited to these parties. Sometimes I return home from work, and there are 10 people running around our apartment, music and so on. When confronted about parties, she said that it's not a big deal, as those are not parties but just friends gathering and I shouldn't be angry at all.
So am I an asshole for being angry about this whole situation and considering moving out? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Ad0lnTPu7MSFqyOF3OAP4dcAPd4vpAoJ | b4yucs | {
"description": "very sternly rebuking a coworker who \"jokingly\" lies to me and other employees",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 41
} | AITA for very sternly rebuking a coworker who “jokingly” lies to me and other employees? | I work as a line cook at a fairly popular restaurant. One of my coworkers is a woman who is for the most part a nice, productive employee, but has an extremely annoying habit: when asked a question, she’ll almost always provide an answer that’s incorrect, and follow it up with a grin and a “just kidding”, and the correct answer. For example, if asked “Do we have any apples left in the pantry?”, she’ll respond, “Yes, three dozen,” grin, and then say, “Nope, just kidding. We don’t.” Or “Is the chef in?” “No, you just missed him! Nope, just kidding, he’s still here.” Additionally, if she sees someone combing through different sections of the freezer or cabinets, she’ll often say, “What are you doing in there? You can’t be in there,”; and when the person stops and turns around, perplexed, she’ll grin and say, “Just kidding.”
The entire time I’ve worked there with her, she has done this almost every time she’s asked a question, and it **really** annoys me a lot. And I’m not an easily angered person or someone who tends to get into conflicts with coworkers. Up until last week, I never called her out on doing it; I would just give a half-hearted smile and keep my thoughts to myself.
The other week, I was in the midst of working a long shift and was tired, hungry and in a cranky mood. My coworker provided a joke answer to something I asked her, and finally, I snapped and confronted her. I didn’t do so in a hotheaded or dramatic manner, but I was **extremely** stern, serious and blunt in a way none of my coworkers had ever before seen me.
I told her that her behavior is unprofessional, unfunny, and that there’s a word for giving answers that aren’t true: lying. I told her how I have no respect for liars, described how toxic lying is to a workplace, and stated that I don’t trust a word that comes out of her mouth as she has lied so much over such trivial things. When she responded she’s just been trying to be funny and that it’s part of her general joking nature, I responded, “you call it funny and joking. Well I call it dishonest, despicable, and **extremely** disrespectful.” I finished by telling her if she can’t behave in an honest, professional manner, I will have no problem reporting her to the head chef, and getting her a much-deserved write-up; and by looking her straight in the eye and telling her, “I will **NOT** tolerate being lied to”, before walking off.
The rest of the day, she seemed kind of “off”; her eyes were big, she was very quiet, and seemed kind of embarrassed. I ended the shift by telling her that I’m not mad at her, that I think she’s a terrific employee otherwise and that my confrontation was just meant as constructive criticism. She accepted this, but the past week since has been barely speaking with me at all; and has been extremely serious and reserved with me (different from her usual joking manner). Did I go too far, and should I apologize further? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 37,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 41
} | WRONG |
K1ZXnaSl41VyY3QdcQGicO00JFZLNrUR | ajxzza | {
"description": "accidentally cuckolding a classmate and not telling him",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA For accidentally cuckolding a classmate and not telling him? | This is all college jackassery. I used campus confidentials to meet a cute girl and fellow student. We bang, a casual thing.
I see her at the end of my literature class, was gonna approach her. She meets with another dude, a classmate who i havent interacted with. Whatever, its casual.
Well as it turns out im a jealous fuck so i go to her facebook to see if shes friends with the guy. She is, but not only that, shes ENGAGED to him. For a year.
They are completely lovey dovey online.
I literally particpated in a cuckolding. My friend says i should tell the guy but i dont want drama plus hes in my class. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
lN4IyLZ2pLx1pr51NYTSpzcueJNUJgly | b8xq77 | {
"description": "participating in baby shower activities",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for participating in baby shower activities? | Last month, my temporary boss's daughter had a baby. It was the first grandchild on both sides so it was kind of a Big Deal. My boss asked me to help her plan the shower during my work day, which was fine. For clarification, I am her assistant in the business that she owns and runs so I was not collecting a paycheck from someone else while planning this for her on company time. This company has 3 employees including herself, and one has been on mat leave for the last year and just got back Monday, which means I'm done on Friday.
Last summer, she offered my mom and I the chance to go anywhere on a list of approved resorts, and she would use her points to pay for the accommodations. We just had to pay for travel expenses and obviously activities. So we went to a very popular tourist destination over the New Year. While there, I picked up a really cute baby outfit for her upcoming granddaughter. I had been planning to just wrap it and deliver it to the mom through my boss.
I mentioned to my boss's sister-in-law (who had been working closely with my boss as they're in the same industry) that I bought a present for the baby while I was in Florida. She passed the info to my boss, who then said I could come to the shower at the end of March if I wanted to. I could tell she was mostly inviting me out of obligation, although she tried to hide it. I mostly accepted out of obligation, but I was also kind of excited. I thought it would be a fun time.
Fast forward to last week. My boss asked me on Thursday if I was willing to be the photographer for the shower, which was on Saturday. I said sure, why not?
At the shower, there was a photobooth (it was my job to take photos of this as well as the rest of the shower), a time capsule, a few games, and a table where they put 3 babygros and some markers for everyone to sign. Because everyone was doing it, I signed the babygro. Just something like "you're so cute!" and my name. I did that about halfway through the shower.
Closer to the end of the shower, when they pulled out the time capsule, there was a line on the sheet that said "I am your mom/dad's ____________". I realized that I was nothing to the mom or dad. That as a temporary employee who was gone in a week, this kid won't have a clue who I am in 18 years. I'm not close with anyone in the family (the other assistant's kids call them gramma and grampa). I was basically just someone that they hired off the internet after meeting twice and sorta liked. So I didn't put anything in the time capsule.
After that, I felt really guilty about having signed the babygro and taken part in one of the other activities where stuff was kept (the advice for the parents thing). I remembered my earlier feelings of having only been invited out of obligation. And realized that although my boss tried to hide it, that really is all it was.
So, AITA for participating in the baby shower activities? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
HdBt5sy3H6R9CqkXUva2ogvIpP6eGvEC | ahxkz6 | {
"description": "puking in the sink",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for puking in the sink? | So I'm very sick at the moment, apparently with some sort of food poisoning. I threw up in a bucket earlier, but I guess I didn't get everything, so as I went to wash my hands after a bout of diarrhea, I threw up again.
My dad asks if I'm ok, then realizes I threw up in the sink, and starts ranting about it. He's told me once before not to use the sink to puke into.
The toilet wasn't available though, as I wasn't able to flush it beforehand, and I was worried that would make it worse. There was also a trashcan and a tub in near vicinity though. But I panicked and just threw up in the sink.
AITA for throwing up in the sink even when there were other options available and I've been told not to? (Also, I'm 18 and apparently old enough to know better.) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
PhtMib5ZMzb5stoz7bHMLSPPVKDcesVg | b3pmlt | {
"description": "buying a cheap phone plan with my money, even though my parents said no",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA if i buy a cheap phone plan with my money, even though my parents said no? | I'm 17 and have a good amount of money (for my age) saved up. I was going to buy a phone plan that was a good deal (only $15/month), and my parents almost said yes.
​
Then I went to the optometrist. My prescription went up (even though I was warned that this would be inevitable due to most my family having glasses)
​
Now my parent keeps telling me "I'm thinking about it". This means no, as she believes I will start gaming with my data and ruin my eyes even more.
​
AITA if I go against my parent's wishes and buy a cheap phone plan with my money? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
z4khn05nmHTuY1POCwLBYXOrAVS8ze6O | b3lq2q | {
"description": "refusing to pay my ex-roommate for furniture I don't get to keep",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing to pay my ex-roommate for furniture I don’t get to keep? | Oh boy... long time lurker, first time poster. It’s a long one. Sorry. TLDR in comments.
Essentially my old roommate Janet (fake names will be used) moved out of my apartment (U.S.) in December and moved to Europe to be with her partner.
In an effort to find her replacement for the lease and also get rid of her furniture, Mary (second roommate) and I thought it’d be helpful for Janet to rent the room furnished. We didn’t really discuss what that would entail. I honestly don’t have experience with this type of stuff. I’m the youngest tenant in the apartment and the primary lease-holder for the first time in my life.
Anyway, I made it abundantly clear that the room would be rented for $1500 as soon as Janet left. The room itself is 700+ sq ft in a 2000 sq ft apartment in a major city. I calculated pricing on based on square footage.
When the time came around to ironing out the details, Janet told me and Mary that we would be taking $200 out of our rent per month to cover the cost of the furniture she’s leaving behind with the total being $1200.
At first, we were confused and weren’t really understanding why we had to pay for the furniture, but she insisted that the new tenant, Kate, wouldn’t move in unless it was furnished.
Side note: Janet has a history of manipulating situations, talking down to me, teaming up on me, being controlling etc.
So at this point, Mary and I don’t want to have a blow out fight again, so we reluctantly agree to pay her $1200 for the furniture she left behind, but here’s the caveat - we don’t get to keep it.
While discussing the agreement with Kate a couple months later, it clicks that I’m paying for furniture that was given to Kate for free. Based on a sublease agreement we all signed that I stupidly didn’t go over with a legal advisor or parent, Kate gets to keep the furniture in the room if she lives in the apartment until May. Weird. I know.
On top of that, Janet grossly overcharged us for furniture that was broken and used. Like $125 for a rug with stains on it.
Janet also withheld one important detail: Kate offered to bring down her own furniture and help Janet sell her furniture, but Janet insisted that the she can keep the furniture so it wasn’t necessary.
This is likely because she was getting top dollar and putting in no work by getting Mary and I to pay for it.
I sent Janet a non-emotional email detailing all the facts about our arrangement, and how I feel that she was taking advantage of Mary and me. I explained that any sort of agreement we had to pay her for the furniture is null because we’re not keeping it. I told her she can keep the money we already sent and explained I’m not open to discussion.
She responded stating that she’s not surprised Im being selfish, that I will never learn to be a good person and care for other people’s feelings.
So, AITA for stopping payment on furniture I don’t get to keep even though I initially did agree to this arrangement albeit naively? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
0GIfpbEdbevU9512pM3jikYYBU3jp9Ic | ayrw34 | {
"description": "threatening to sue my ex-friend",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for threatening to sue my ex-friend? | So, I lived with this girl for close to year and we were pretty good friends. This is one of those situations where living with your friend really ends up ruining the friendship. She was incredibly messy, threw a lot of parties (with really sketchy substances – I’m fine with weed), was generally loud and uncaring. And the cracks in our friendship really began to show. I ended up moving out a month early, paying rent at two places, and she had the entire apartment to herself (agreeing to pay an extra $50 that month because she would have the entire space). I offered to come back on moveout day to do a deep clean, and she told me to get lost. I cleaned well before we moved out and I’m the only one who knew how to scrub and use bleach the entire time we lived there.
About two months pass and I’m having trouble getting a hold of our super scummy leasing company. The apartment was horrible when we lived there: termites in the walls, roaches everywhere, really thin stained carpet, we literally lived behind a toxic waste dump (which I could see from my windows). But I still had $500/$1000 on the line for my half of the deposit. I finally find out the leasing company gave the entire return deposit to my ex-roommate, it was only $300 and I couldn’t dispute it because she signed a form saying she would not dispute it (why wouldn’t she dispute it???). I get in touch with her, and she essentially tells me to fuck off and the money is hers. I mention small claims court. Another month passes and she sends me a message apologizing and that she’d send me my half. Another month passes… no money (she had my address, mutual friends it could be passed through, my zelle pay, my cash app, my venmo, everything). I contact her again – nothing. Admittedly, I’m starting to get kind of pissed off. Sure the money would be nice, but it’s not enough to REALLY hurt me. But it’s the principle of the thing – you know? So I send a letter of intent to her “You have 30 days to pay, blah blah, or I will file a suit with small claims court”. The day she presumably gets the letter, she immediately wires me the money and starts sending a lot of nasty stuff. You’re over dramatic, why are you such a bitch, it’s only 100, fuck you, suing is childish etc. All I say is, thanks for sending me my half, glad we don’t have to go to court, you cant just withhold money from people. But some mutual friends told me I was being kinda harsh and mean and that I should have just let the whole thing go. Am I the asshole here? We’re both kind of poor so I know the 150 is probably a good chunk of her savings/paycheck – but I really believe the money was mine to begin with.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
526gJ6iRS1hWQzJ6mJFIk5b9L8GdS3hV | aq66nb | null | AITA: SO and I decide to have a cozy night under the stars...enter roommate | Hello everyone! This has been weighing on my mind, so I figured I would come to Reddit a get a judgement from all of you a**holes that I love for your truthful feedback. This turned out way longer than I expected so tl;dr on bottom. Also on mobile, sorry!
Onto the story
So a few weekends ago, a group of friends and I have some plans to go out. Plans ended up falling through (the floor caved in at the fundraiser party we were planning on attending...just like that one video on the internet a few years ago, but definitely not as bad, just some ceiling fell off into the basement and the floor is bowed, but obviously enough to cancel the party). So, our group is all mingling outside talking about what we want to do next. Everyone starts breaking off and doing their own thing, and my SO (who also happens to be my roommate) and I decide to go back home.
During the warmer months (we live in Colorado) we usually ended a night of partying by lying on the trampoline and watching the stars with blankets. It happened to be about 40 degrees (Fahrenheit) outside, and it felt pretty warm compared to how cold it had been. We had also just acquired a heated blanket. So, we spent about an hour and a half before people started trickling home from their parties (we live in a trap house full of 7 people and most weekend nights end at our place). We searched high and low for extension cords for our heated blanket, brought every single blanket we own, grabbed snacks, cut up fruit, brought out a laptop for Netflix, and made a nice little fort in the middle of the trampoline.
Keep in mind, because it has been cold, no one has been on the trampoline in months. No one has mentioned it, no one has even thought about it because jumping on it = hypothermia. We get all cozy, and people start trickling home around 2am, and the afterparty starts raging. SO and I stay in our little coziness, some people come out to say hi, join us for a bit to look at the stars, enjoy the heated blanket, etc. Everyone is nice and respectful, and loves our idea.
Enter: roommate.
Now, I love all of my roommates to death. They all do their part to try to keep our trap house in some semblance of order, they all look out for me (the one girl living with a bunch of dudes), and they all just welcomed me into their little group and we are a big happy family. However, one roommate, let's call him John, can be known to be a bit self absorbed and not really conscious of the fact that other people have complex thoughts and feelings. Still love the guy with my whole heart.
So John comes out and just starts jumping on the trampoline, messing up our fort and sending snacks flying everywhere...our Noosa yogurt gets overturned and if you have had it before you know that sh*ts expensive and dank af. SO and I are like dude...seriously. John says that he bought the trampoline for him to enjoy and he wants to jump on it. We stay quietly pissed, he jumps for maybe a minute longer and leaves. SO and I talk about it, and we both bring up the fact that we believe he only even thought about the trampoline because we reminded him of it, he hasn't used it in months (its freaking cold). Also, the trampoline is fair game for all of fam, just like everything else that everyone has contributed to the house. My SO doesn't police who uses the community TV that he donated when he wants to watch TV. No one is like, I bought the microwave so I get first dibs, etc. Its a chaotic symbiotic family of 7 people, but it works.
About 30 min later, John comes out with his friend, and we hear them talking on the patio. John is trying to convince his friend to jump on the tramp with him, and friend says, no, sophonaroap and SO are on it, that's rude. John keeps trying, but eventually gives in and goes back inside. Night ends, lots of drunken hugs good bye, etc etc.
So I suppose my question is, AITA for being angry, or was roommate justified in saying it's his tramp and if he wants to jump, he can jump.
tl;dr: comfy blanket fort is made on trampoline in middle of winter to watch the stars and make memories, roommate commanders tramp, stating he bought it and can use whenever he wants, and destroys my Noosa yogurt. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
tltTu6lHWGsJxvEamLv4aYO1sF7e5m1B | a89siz | {
"description": "kicking my brother out with nowhere else to turn to",
"pronormative_score": 44,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for kicking my brother out with nowhere else to turn to? | Some context: I'm 27, my brother is 25. We're not close, I hadn't seen or spoken to him in five years. My wife and I have a house, my brother couch surfs from place to place, he "moves" maybe 5-6 times a year. I have newborn twins.
My brother contacted me three weeks ago asking if he could spend a couple of weeks with me. He lives in City A, I live in City B, and a Friend he's to move in with lives in City C; I'm halfway between them but it's a good few hours from A to C. He's waiting for Friend's roommates to leave their lease so my brother can move in. Essentially, between Dec 17 and Jan 2, my brother is homeless, hence him reaching out. It might be important to note my brother has no car.
We have a guest room, so I agreed. He'd chip in $50/week for food but he has to leave Jan 2. I didn't set ground rules or anything other than keep the volume to a minimum due to the newborns.
The first couple of days he's here, things are fine. He keeps to himself more or less. Then on the 19th he decides to invite four people over. He doesn't have friends in the area, they're friends of friends of friends or whatever. He invited them over without asking me. I pulled him aside and told him they need to leave, you can't just invite strangers into my house, and he said "I'm a tenant, I'm allowed to have guests over". Never mind he's not a tenant as he's not paying any rent or have any kind of document saying he's a tenant, these people I don't know! He doesn't even really know them!
I'm incredibly uncomfortable with what's going on so I tell the group of people they need to leave. They refuse. I tell my brother to get them out or I'm calling police and getting them all, including him, removed. He swore off at me and slammed the door, so that's exactly what I did.
Police show up 25min later and I tell them the situation. They tell them to leave and they do, but I make sure my brother has to leave, too. Pleading and begging, they give my brother time to pack up the few things he has and off he is. He starts walking down the block and that's really it. No phone call, no nothing. I don't know where he went, nor do I really care to be honest.
AITA for kicking my brother out with nowhere else to turn to? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 44,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 44,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
pyNQJArdFtiHBIAi9t1GzCSvlb8qne2m | aedy21 | {
"description": "getting my things destroyed",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for getting my things destroyed? | Some background information about me and my situation currently, obvious throwaway
So I have a long history of academic dishonesty and laziness because I don't know how to push past obstacles and actually succeeding, and instead taking the short way out and half assing everything or simply getting the answer from somewhere else, and only really putting effort into useless classes or hobbies.
This has caused me to fail a programming class because I couldn't finish everything in a short time and simply copy answers from other places, barely pass multiple math classes with Cs because I didn't want to do the homework and just winged it, even though I knew I could do better because I'm 3 years faster from the normal student path, and just spend my time on useless things like learning about stupid things like old computers and hardware modding. I also took his credit card without his permission and spend about $200 on things. I did pay him back later though.
I've been trying to put myself back on the right track by biking and transporting myself to work during the break without any help from my parents, not going on vacations voluntarily to stay at home and work and take care of my dog, so I could learn to mature, but that failed and I'm back on my self destructive path.
My father is a very hardworking person, having come from a village in Asia to North America, and now works at a top tech company in the North America. However, because of the type of upbringing he has as the youngest in the family by quite a bit and all, he doesn't exactly have the best anger management. If he gets angry, people are going to get hurt/cry or things are going to get destroyed. He doesn't exactly have a life outside of work, and comes home tired and emotionally drained every day. He tries to get the best for me, even moving to a new neighborhood for the schooling opportunities there.
Over the course of my indolence and dishonesty, I have many of my things destroyed due to my actions. Laptops, Monitors, GPUs, etc. He says that it is because of my disobedience that those things are gone, culminating with today, where because I plagiarized some solutions to homework that he threw away my monitor, my eGPU case, my GPU, controller, and everything that can connect to a computer that was in my room, all of which I purchased with my money during my summer and winter break jobs. I am saddened by his actions, but I would like to know if what he did was the right thing, to destroy my things, and if in here that I am the asshole and I should change since I brought it on myself, or he is | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
DXDGEMQYf72ufmX1C1W127DB5ZLTvyAV | ausyg5 | {
"description": "asking my friend to do extra work",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA For asking my friend to do extra work? | So to start, I guess I need the obligatory “I’m on mobile,” statement.
Now that that’s said, let’s get into the point. So in my English class, we’re reading To Kill a Mockingbird. And my teacher assigned us groups to present a little thing on 2-3 chapters. Tomorrow is when my friend an I are presenting ours. Out presentation needs to include 6 different points. I won’t bore you with all of the topics, but all you need to know is one is theme.
So my friend and I agreed that I would do chapters 17 and 19, and she would do chapter 18 and make the presentation. She also said that she wanted to do the theme of chapter 17, so she’s also doing that.
But here’s the thing - I’m absolutely terrible at theme. Since I want us to get a good grade, I asked her to do the theme for 19 too. I thought that since I was doing both 17 and 19, then it would kinda spread out the work more evenly.
Butttttttt that’s not how it played out. So far she hasn’t responded to my texts (I sent them ~3 hours ago,) and I feel like she’s mad at me. So AITA? I’m sorry if it wasn’t super detailed, if anyone needs it I can add more info about my project or anything. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
AJP8wuan4sdz3kpbjCash01uSQaq1Gh9 | b2nhuf | {
"description": "telling someone their problems are their own fault",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling someone their problems are their own fault | So I’ll preface by saying I’ve gotten mixed reactions from friends and my SO so I’m settling this with a majority rule thanks to Reddit (you guys) I can see both sides of the potential argument, but naturally I think I’m right. Moving forward:
So there’s this mutual friend I have that hangs around my friends dorm every now and then. We’re all seniors in college with me being 21, my friend being 22 and mutual friend being 22.
Mutual friend is a tiny bit of a wreck but nothing too crazy. He struggles a lot with socializing and his grades are tipping and stuff. His mom offers to buy him the on campus therapy meetings but he doesn’t go cause he says he doesn’t see a point. And I mean, I do feel bad for him.
However, all these issues he blames on something that happened 8 years ago that he constantly cites as the root of all his issues. Basically, when he was fourteen, he got a TWELVE year old pregnant and she ended up getting a non surgical abortion pill, understandably.
Well this guy paints this girl as this evil villain in his life who destroyed his life for “getting an abortion without asking” and to this day he says how much he hates her for “making” him struggle in school, or “giving” him anxiety. And he brings it up about every other time we see him.
Honestly the toxic behavior started to get to me. The constant lamenting and fury against this girl is ridiculous. He even stalks her social media saying she doesn’t “deserve to be happy” and constantly relays to us the things he sees and how it’s “bullshit” she’s traveling and succeeding in college and such.
So yeah, I got fed up and said something. I told him to his face that he can no longer blame this girl for his problems. He has the tools to make himself function be he doesn’t choose to work with it. He doesn’t acknowledge how supportive his friends and family is towards him. All he does is spit anti-abortion, women are whores rhetoric and talk about how he apparently can’t do anything all because of this chick.
I’m not gonna lie. I did go a bit far cause then I started insulting him and calling him a prick for being mad that a 12 year old didn’t carry a kid to term for him and stuff. But other than that, I don’t see where I’m wrong here. I guess it technically isn’t my business or my position to say how he should feel, but how he was acting was getting ridiculous and intolerable.
TL;DR: 22 year old blames all his current problems on the fact the 12 year old he got pregnant 8 years ago had an abortion. I called him out for being a sap.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Sn8da8WGeEOG9TrOTJod69D44N32ISqQ | b3k02a | {
"description": "rejecting a reconciliation attempt from an old friend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for rejecting a reconciliation attempt from an old friend? | I used to have this friend named Anna that I had known for years. We were very close, to the point that I considered her my best friend, and platonic soulmate. We supported each other through some very tough times. She suffered from severe depression and family issues; there were times when I stayed on the phone with her all night for fear that she would do something drastic otherwise. She in turn supported me through an intense battle with an eating disorder. But I don't want to make it seem like our friendship revolved around our issues. Most of the time we had normal conversations, we'd go out drinking, karaoke, etc. She was my best friend and I loved her to pieces.
​
One day, she stopped responding to my texts, and blocked me on all social media. I was afraid something had happened to her but I saw she was still commenting on mutual friends' posts. I had no idea what I'd done - I reached out to her to ask if I had done something wrong, and to let me know so I can apologize for whatever it was, but no reply. It really hurt me to not know what had happened. I went over it again and again in my mind, trying to figure out what I had done. I felt wretched, like I was going through a breakup. I had a recurring dream that she would reach out and explain what had happened. It was not a fun time.
​
Time passed.... almost a year later she reached out and asked if we could meet up. I agreed and we had lunch. I've always been scared of confrontation, so I was too afraid to ask her what had happened, and she didn't offer an explanation. But things went back to normal, and I had my best friend back, so that was all that mattered.
​
Then, maybe a year or so later, she ghosted me again. I went through the same process, but began to realize, you know what, fuck that. I tried my best to be a good friend and I don't deserve any of this. I didn't hear from her for two years after that. I never really got over it, but in time I think I realized that it wasn't my fault.
​
This year on my birthday, she sent me a message on Instagram to wish me happy birthday, and said she wanted to meet up for coffee. I sent a response which said, *"Thanks for reaching out. I hope you're doing well. I've really missed you but honestly being ignored for two years without knowing why was really not good for my mental well-being. I'm not here to be your friend only when you want me to be your friend. So I don't think it's a good idea. Wishing you the best."*
​
I felt pretty proud for standing up for myself. A lot of my friends agreed with me and said it was the right thing to do. But recently one of my friends said I had been cruel, and that given her history with mental illness, she was probably working through some intense stuff, and that I should've been more understanding. It made me second-guess myself a little. So Reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
k8bEoJ2iA4NxX4rvvdOHloqdytIK8drI | b25hjq | {
"description": "turning down a tinder hookup's advances that night",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for turning down a tinder hookup's advances that night? | I recently matched with a guy on tinder and we made plans to hook up the following week, but last night he seemed really eager to hook up and asked me over. I didn't want to disappoint but I just ate a huge dinner and was feeling really full.. and uncomfortable so I mentioned that and declined. He seemed upset. I don't feel like I owe him anything definitely and it wouldn't be a good time if I was feeling so physically uncomfortable as well.
But was I disappointing him or something? Is this something I'm supposed to be sorry for so to speak? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
3QvN9R82HSoXkj7kDsXH99fA4I5sMhDq | asyaun | {
"description": "confronting my friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for confronting my friend? | So my best freind lets call her 'Alice' who i have know for some years, and who has helped me with many tough patches in my life has been feeling really down ( and i mean **REALLY** down). I don't know what it's from or how to help her becuase she generally has problems with communicating with people. Right now i keep asking her if shes ok or if she wants anything but she generally just brushes it off and says shes fine and doesn't need anything.
Me and many close freinds know somethings off and, even her teachers have started noticing (which is pretty big because shes the kid who no one really knows is there). We've come to the conclusion that it has something to do with her other freinds ( Camp friends) and something must have happened. So after school we tried asking her about it but she got really angry. Now this is a **very big suprise** because generally she never gets angry and is more of the pacifist than anything else.
Now me and everyone else is still in shock because generally Alice doesn't lash out. A few minutes pass and no one can understand her because of her thick accent (shes Czech) . She then storms off to who knows were. So the next day we try not to confront her or ask about the whole ordeal but the damage was done and shes even more silent than she was before. A few days later she comes to us and tells us shes sorry for lashing out and that she was in the wrong, but now iv'e been trying to remember any time Alice has opened up to us or admitted anything and I could only count those heartfelt moments on one hand. Even some odd quirks and things that iv'e realized about her have been more apparent recently.
Like how when she asks us a question or points something out like for example " ooh what kind of pokemon type would you be i think that \_\_\_ would be rock and \_\_\_\_\_\_ would be fairy ( a stupid example I know)" but she would never ask what she would be. So iv'e been looking at her ( creepy I know) and started realizing her hands shake it's not that notable but it's there. She's also super bipolar I think a good example was during Christmas, one moment she was really happy and the next she was fucking pissed to all high hell. Shes also un-remorsful when it comes to other *people* ( not animals i'm actually convinced that if she had to choose between saving herself or my dogs life she would choose my Dog). I don't know i feel like a shitty freind for not noticing this before, but i also feel like Alice just dosn't care about us but i'm not sure.
I hope this was enough info and thank you for anyone reading.
So AITA, is Alice the Asshole, are we both assholes or was it miscommunication from one or both sides? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
9bc9j6k3JeWSHQavRUZ0ArX03aCschQt | b28q8i | {
"description": "letting my sister and her fiance to stay overnight in my apartment while I'm gone",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | WIBTA for letting my sister and her fiance to stay overnight in my apartment while I'm gone? | My sister(23f) and her fiance(22m) are going to be in my city for a wedding in a couple weeks and asked if they could stay the night with me to save costs. I actually have a wedding to go to that same weekend, but in a different state. I told her that it should be fine to stay in my room while I'm gone, but I'll double-check with my roommate L.
L and I have been roommates for a few months and everything has been pretty good so far, save for a couple obstacles: I talked to her about getting a cat before I signed a lease and she said she was down for it...a couple months later, the opportunity arises to rescue a kitten and she vetoes the idea based off the fact I'm out of town 1-3 days a month. Fair enough, I understand her concern, even though my boyfriend said he would be willing to come by while I was gone so she didn't have to care for it. Speaking of boyfriends, she doesn't really allow him in our apartment. We don't do overnights(personal beliefs), but she doesn't like him to hang out at our place so we usually go to his. It's become increasingly frustrating, but whatever. Other than that and the fact that I feel like she isn't the best at picking up after herself, it's really not so bad. We're still friendly and I generally like her.
Now, I ask L about having my sis and her fiance stay there. They'd get there late Friday night, have the wedding most of the day Saturday, stay the night again, and leave early Sunday morning. She says she's not comfortable with him staying overnight. While I want to respect her wishes, I also feel like it's kind of ridiculous because that's MY apartment too. The bedrooms have locks, they'll be there for maybe 16 hours total(all sleeping hours), and she can always stay at her mom's place which is 3 miles down the road.
So Reddit WIBTA if I tell my roommate that I'm allowing my sis and her SO to stay anyways? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
4gz59a2KDYux1SrMP44Fip9IctaZu4Gg | a45tkw | {
"description": "getting married in a private ceremony with no friends or family",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting married in a private ceremony with no friends or family? | Husband and I (Female) got engaged in July of this year. We live together and own a home together. After a few weeks of half-assed wedding planning, we decided we would rather just have an intimate private ceremony with just the two of us on a beach vacation we had already planned. We hate attention and we're also really frugal, so combining the wedding and honeymoon seemed like a great option.
Some context: My Mother in Law has always been a somewhat dramatic presence in our lives. She had an inappropriate codependent relationship with Husband when he was a kid, but since he's been an adult he's worked hard on setting healthy boundaries while still trying to be a good son. It's taken a lot of therapy and has been a constant effort for him (and me, since I started dating him) to maintain these boundaries, but we do a pretty good job of managing things without caving in to her demands or letting her stress us out. Husband does most of the decision-making in communicating with her when the drama strikes, I try to stay out of it and just be pleasant and kind and patient whenever it's going on. For the past few months we thought things were going well with her and there has been very little drama. Hanging out with her has been, for the most part, fun and pleasant with no major breakdowns or guilt trips. We genuinely make an effort to have a relationship with her -- we take her out to meals, we help her with things around her house, we invite her to celebrate holidays with us, we text and call her, we remember her birthday and get her gifts, etc. We also see her a lot more than my side of the family, since my family lives in another state. We love her, but I expect the relationship will always be fraught. She is estranged from almost everyone in her family, so we always have to be careful not to invite any of Husband's aunts/uncles or grandparents to events where she will also be present.
So, back to our decision to "elope", or basically just have a private wedding ceremony. We told our parents about our desires, and they expressed some sadness and disappointment but were ultimately supportive and understood our reasoning. MIL had sort of a crying tantrum and we did kind of start to reconsider our plans but then a few days later she gave us her support so we decided to go ahead. Things went totally back to normal, we hung out with her a few times and it was fine, no hints of guilting or anything like that. They wanted to host a small lunch party when we got back where we could celebrate with family and friends, and we agreed and helped with the planning of that party.
More context: we are quite young (late 20s) but I have actually been married and divorced before (kind of a different story, but basically I married very young for religious reasons to a person who ended up being fairly controlling, I was immature and didn't know how to deal with it, we divorced very quickly).
So finally, two weeks ago, our trip came around. I wore an $80 white dress from an online boutique, he wore a suit he already owned. We had a bouquet, boutonniere, an officiant, and a photographer. We exchanged super personal, intimate vows by the ocean at sunset, laughed and cried, toasted with champagne, ate cake. We finished the night with an amazing dinner and then lounged in the pool at a resort, being served tropical drinks all night and talking about our future. It was beautiful and relaxing and special and CHEAP.
The day after our ceremony, we sent our parents some selfies in our wedding attire with a message that said some stuff about how happy we were and that we love them. They responded with congratulations and standard heart emojis.
About a week after we returned from our vacation, after making phone calls and announcing to close family and friends, we decided to announce that we were married on social media. We posted a photo in our wedding attire with a caption announcing that we got married in a private ceremony while we were on vacation. We got lots of congratulations and positivity and support from our friends and family. We also sent out the invitations for the lunch party we had planned for later this month. (To clarify, this is NOT a "gift grab" party, the invites say "bring just your company and your appetite", it's just to catch up with everyone and celebrate the occasion.)
So here's where things get interesting. A week after returning from our trip, MIL started texting me about how she has been an emotional wreck ever since seeing our wedding picture, she's been sobbing uncontrollably, she doesn't understand why we hate her so much that we purposely excluded her from our day, she doesn't know if she can even do our lunch party (she was supposed to host it at her house), all her friends think it's "horrifying" that we had a wedding and didn't invite her, etc. Her life has been so hard (she listed a bunch of stuff that has gone wrong in her life) and she doesn't have anything and anyone and she worked so hard to raise Husband etc, and basically being at our wedding is the one thing she could have had in her life. She also made a comment about how of course \_my\_ parents didn't care because it was my second wedding, but for her she would have only seen her son get married once (very rude imo, this is already a sensitive subject for me). I kept it together pretty well but the conversation got a little out of hand and it stressed me out, I basically lost a whole day of productivity at work worrying about it.
I'm feeling a lot of different things. Part of me feels guilty, like I betrayed family and broke the heart of my emotionally fragile MIL. Part of me just feels bewildered, I wasn't expecting this severe reaction. Part of me wants to justify and defend our decision to "elope", but I know that isn't going to be productive. Part of me is just super annoyed that she is causing drama once again, as usual, and that this is a great example of one of the reasons we wanted a private wedding in the first place. Part of me is pissed and offended, especially that she took a small jab at me for being a second-time bride.
I totally get that as a parent, not being present at a child's wedding is tough. Eloping is a selfish thing to do. People are absolutely entitled to feel however they feel about it. We really tried to be kind about it and keep our families in the loop with our desires the whole time, and explain our reasons for wanting a private destination ceremony, before pulling the trigger. I totally get that when you do stuff like this, you have to be willing to deal with whatever reaction you get. I guess I just wasn't expecting it to be this dramatic. I know it will all blow over and things will go back to normal as it always does after the drama with her, but I guess I just want to get an objective opinion: am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
PTgfpSWQDsHT6w8iP44MVMpY4HRmf2mI | 9xo93w | null | AITA: My fiance broke up with me, returned a year later and asked me to take her back. I took her back, but I realized that I couldn’t truly forgive her for what she did to me so I broke up with her a few months later. | Disclaimer: I do not dislike gay people.
I am a guy. Apparently, my fiance discovered that she only liked females, but she came back to me after a year of being absent from my life. Am I really the asshole for taking her back and then dumping her? I really thought that I could get over what she did to me, but I just couldn't. After I broke up with her she accused me of being a sociopath because I kept her on a “string”. I tried explaining to her that I wanted to be with her but I realized that I still harbored some ill feelings for her because of what we did. I just couldn't remain in the relationship any longer because it would have been bad for both of us. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 20,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
nRXTSXF5NVoNylmRntkaAvOcy4xLSFNF | azzsz9 | {
"description": "wanting to keep my baby",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for wanting to keep my baby? | So I’m trying to keep this short as I want to meet the 3G # guideline but this is a very complex story so if anyone needs clarification on anything feel free to ask questions in the comment section & I’ll be happy to answer what i can.TL;DR at bottom
So my bf A & I agreed years ago that if I were ever accidentally pregnant we would adopt if we weren’t in the right place to keep it. But the moment I found out I was a few weeks ago (at 6 weeks) my mind suddenly changed. I can’t explain the love I have for this tiny being I just found out about but I knew I didn’t want to give them up if I didn’t have to. My bf didn’t agree.
I’m a believer in equality & while i know the world isn’t big on equality I do believe we should work towards creating it. This includes fathers. If mom decides she doesn’t want the baby because she wants to travel it doesn’t matter how much the father begs he’s just a monster enforcing the patriarchy. But if it’s the mother who wants to keep the baby & the father wants to abort (for the same reasons as the mother in the first scenario) he’s a monster & a dead beat. I don’t think that’s right & given A’s family (filthy rich dad) I certainly didn’t want my love for A to be misconstrued into a plot to get money. I made it clear if I decide to keep the baby I will not go after A for child support should he not want to be a father. All I want is for him to be on the birth certificate and to still exist in our lives even if not in a fatherly role. This lead to many problems (him kicking me out of our home & then bringing me back). Things have been better but..idk. I’m currently going behind his back & looking at a small two bedroom apartment. He believes that I’ve resigned to adopting but I haven’t fully made a decision. I told him I deleted the shopping list of baby items but that isn’t true either, I simply saved it & am now setting aside money to potentially buy these things in the coming future. I will offer to let him come with me to the new apartment should that be my final choice (I have to choose by August as that’s when our lease is up) but I’m terrified of losing him. I can’t tell him sooner or he might kick me out again and if this is what I plan to do I logically can’t afford this hit nor could I emotionally. Either way my heart will be broken if he doesn’t change his mind as I’ll either lose him or my baby. I know I’m the one who went against the plan and started all this.. Am I the a** for wanting to keep my baby despite the plans we made years ago? And am I wrong for having a plan b without telling him?
Let me know your honest opinions, please no sugar coating. You can ask questions if you like I’ll do my best to answer them all.
TL;DR accidentally pregnant with bf and now want to change plan we agreed on ages ago. This lead to fights, getting kicked out, brought back in and now life is back to normal and we are happy... but I’m going behind his back and still planning on potentially keeping the baby. Am I the a**? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
PQLRtAG94sMD6rPvQX7ItASvW2s7zJZw | aw5m15 | {
"description": "calling my ex out on his manipulative/controlling behavior",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA - for calling my ex out on his manipulative/controlling behavior | So he’s not the type of person that apologizes. We had plans to spend the weekend together but he ended up asking me to leave right after getting intimate which I thought was disrespectful. I hear from him the next day and he said he didn’t do anything wrong. We argue for a little while and I asked if we needed time apart for self reflection he says no.
Two days later, I express how hurt I still was by the situation and would like to talk, he says not then, he’s be ready in 2 days and I said I wasn’t myself and needed him, he said no and two days later, he comes over, dumps me while guilt tripping me saying I ruined his life and he was a bad person for having mental illness. Nothing made sense. I asked if I could get my belongings from his house since we had broken up he said not yet.
2 weeks prior to, he had asked me to be supportive during break ups and not give up on him. So I send texts on two different days. And somewhat ask for my belongings cause I needed them. He responds the next day and says I was never the right one for him. I said, I’m doing everything you asked me to and I’m trying.
He says he’ll drop my stuff off, but never does. When I asked if I could go get them he said he had plans. He’ll let me know when he’s available. At that point I’m filled with rage. So I lose it and call him out on his behavior he says, I’d rather end things on amicable terms I said are you kidding me? I call him out on using his problems as an excuse and always blaming me for everything. I said why try manipulate and control my life when we could’ve had a clean break up?
Next day he posted on fb how he was taking a break cause he’s going through some things and that if anyone needed him to check on him. So I called him selfish, ungrateful and such. I had been there for him through the worst of times. I was practically his caretaker. But I felt like bad for getting angry afterwards.
Also, I had said you’re obviously never going to give my stuff back so if it feels better to just toss them out I guess you can do that, he said no. I’m happy to give them back, I said then please do. I say just leave them at my front door whenever cause I don’t want to see you anymore. I never get anything back. I ask a friend to reach out months later, he responds bragging about throwing them out. Saying you told me to! | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
rI8lbXlkhJop50RHcZIQ3vdS8AHn6Gym | b2m4yu | {
"description": "advertising money owed",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for advertising money owed? | A while back a 'friend' owed me money, not much, just £10, but if you borrow shit then you return it or pay it back. After dropping hints over text and messenger, I'd finally had enough and just commented on one of their pictures on FB that he owes me money.
Fast forward to about a week later he flips out and says I'm a bad friend for doing that.
Am I? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
pE6QRDibCryJ5rl7K6Z7pTfin0bfX19p | a5stt4 | {
"description": "not wanting to do sos washing",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to do SOs washing? | Sorry on mobile.
AITA for not wanting to do the washing for my SO? We have 2 young kids and in a typical week get through around 6 loads of washing, about 3 of them are purely my SOs clothes. My main issue is he absolutely refuses to put his dirty clothes in the hamper, he just piles up dirty clothes on our bedroom floor, but then he moans at me for days that he has no clothes that are clean for work or a certain top or pair of trousers aren't clean.
I have no issue doing all the housework and looking after our kids while he wants to have some time to relax after work but it often turns into the whole evening and I don't feel like him washing his own clothes (or even just 1 wash a week when he's low on his work clothes) is a huge deal. The down side is we can only air dry as we don't have a dryer so this time of year it takes a couple days for everything to dry.
I've mentioned in the past I'd like him to stop snapping at me about his washing and if he's low on certain clothes he can do his own but after a week I get sick of not seeing the floor through his dirty work clothes (They are filthy he works in a manual job meaning he often comes home covered in oil or mud). He has called me when I'm out previously to ask how to wash clothes but he's only done about 2 washes in 6 years and it makes me feel like his mother.
So AITA for wanting my mid 20s SO to wash his own clothes? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
sfU55JlDSPYuVDlGTXLsbAqQbgypyGoT | b34dvd | {
"description": "feeling really guilty. should I",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA? I feel really guilty. Should I? | I had this friend for a for a while, it went really well until he told me that he liked me in a romantic way, not a platonic one. anyway, I had kind of felt the same, but I told him no anyways due to the fact that I had no friends and I'd rather have a friend than a boyfriend. that, and I couldn't decide whether I liked him because I was lonely or if my feelings were genuine. This caused a few bumps in the road.as you can probably tell, I have a lot of problems of my own.
he started texting me whenever he would have a problem. usually, I'm fine with occasional rants, but he would discuss topics such as serious mental health problems; all the time. and as someone whos trying to get better, its really hard to be around that subject. It got to the point where he would have a problem everyday and he'd spam me about it while I was out and about. one specific time that I remember is when I went to LA with my dad. We don't go out all that often and so I was really looking forward to it however, my friend kept texting me about his problems while I was out, and he was expecting me to answer and be his therapist for a couple of minutes.
I would often suggest he get professional help. He'd say he would use the resources I provided him but then he would come to me about two days later with issues again. At some point, I kind of just stopped replying all that much. this started the posts and spam messages. he would constantly send out posts about being so depressed, anxious, how he was good for nothing, etc. then when I wouldn't answer, he'd text me stuff like:
"hey, it's been awhile, are you okay?" note: I wouldn't be gone for long; about two days or maybe 6. I can't remember an instance where he left me alone for entire week this past year. He would then follow up with those messages with extremely passive aggressive things, "how hard is it to get a text back", "text me as soon as possible."
Now, going back to how he mentioned he liked me in a romantic way. I followed one of his spam accounts and when I did, I realized he had posts about me. Lots of them. like, 4-6 posts with a caption consisting about 5 paragraphs about me. This just made me feel even worse, on top of the guilt trips he'd already make me endure. He obviously knew I followed that account, as he had to accept my follow request. At this point, I started feeling super queasy and paranoid. He was just so obsessive, manipulative and all around a bad presence now.
I finally had enough. After hoping that my absence would make him look for some other stimulation, or make him realize that the friendship had run its course, I told him that I don't want to continue the friendship anymore. I told him I'm glad a few things are getting better and that I hope we could still be cordial towards one another. He didn't respond.
Am I the Asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
aquvRfQQBPkRB5Hrb7cbyftrRJW7I6D7 | az2gf0 | {
"description": "making my friend mad because I didn't want to interact with him",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for making my friend mad because I didn't want to interact with him | Essentially what happened was that my friend recently got his Nintendo Switch, to which he earlier called me to play with after school. I replied with a, "Maybe."
As school ended, we went to McDonald's to hang around for a while. Then at one point he asked me if I wanted to play with him on his Nintendo Switch, to which I initially said, "No." He started begging until I had to make up a lie saying I was busy and had to go. Honestly, I just didn't want to/felt like playing with him. Eventually, he stopped begging and started giving me the cold shoulder.
We exited McDonald's and by some luck he found another friend. He straight up left me as soon as he saw the other friend, without returning a goodbye when I instinctively said it.
Fast-forward a few hours and he publicly ranted on his Instagram story. I relented, but in my private account. He was saying how much of an 'ass' and 'uncooperative' I was. I replied back about how 'trivial' the matter was and it wasn't worth the problem we're currently in and he had to accept that. But he instead made fun about how I was being a 'fancy person' by using 'trivial' in a sentence and started calling me a 'hypocrite' (which kinda came out of nowhere). I was just borderline annoyed afterwards and took it upon myself to just not reply anymore.
We haven't talked for almost a year now and this incident kept resurfacing in my mind from time to time. I was wondering if I should've apologized or if I was in the wrong in the first place.
TLDR; I didn't want to interact, my friend got annoyed, he started ranting and I ignored him thereafter, thus title.
P.S. If it makes things clearer, we were both 14 when this happened, hence the triviality in the situation. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
CX3ORUWsOt8b0c1xUZjgK7tukBRBAwAD | b2tt1u | {
"description": "blocking my mom on Instagram",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for blocking my mom on Instagram? | Ok... so I’m going to try to explain this as best I can. My mom and I have an incredibly rocky relationship. She’s been emotionally manipulative to me for a lot of years and I’m only just now realizing it through therapy and moving away from her to another state. But to her I’m just kind of a dick and hurting her because she’s ‘only ever loved me and wanted the best for me’ in hers and my dads minds. So, as a result of all this, I’ve been trying to draw boundaries between us so she can’t manipulate me and we can try to fix our relationship. (And no, I’m not oblivious, she is not the whole problem, I have my own issues in regards to being the problem here)
Now.... one thing my mother has done is she will comment on my social media posts with her opinions I.e “I thought we agreed you’d never post your relationships on social media!” (After I, a twenty year old, posts a picture of her and her boyfriend of eight months on Instagram. After a school function.... On a date....)
Or
“I can tell by your Instagram you’re not the same person I thought you were and it’s just really sad to me... (insert more reasons it’s sad to her)...”
And so I blocked her. I didn’t want her to interact with my posts one way on social media (positive) and a different way to me (negative and judgey). I just didn’t want her to say that stuff to me anymore and I didn’t want her to know my life like that, as I know how much of a helicopter parent she can be.
About a day ago my dad calls me and chews me out harder than he ever has before. Now, I feel like I have a good relationship with my dad and I’ve never been as angry at him as I was when I got this call. He chews me out for blocking my mother, which ruined her whole day and the family’s by extension, and taking away the ‘only way she can see my life because you I don’t talk to her’ and didn’t even want to hear my reasons as to why.
(Side note: my dad doesn’t use social media. I knew he didn’t use social media, which is why I didn’t block his profile. I wasn’t just picking between the parents, who to block)
Both my parents think I’m an asshole for blocking my moms “only way to keep up with my life” (I’m not the kind of person to call just to update someone about my life... never have been. I’ve been in college away from y’all for almost three years now but it still isn’t clear???).
So reddit, from you, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
pM1iFaeA9mmRAeb7ueI0aX0uyxEFHr0L | b4tetv | {
"description": "not picking his friend up",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not picking his friend up? | Okay so I have known this dude for like 9 months. We hangout a lot and we go for a lot of drives. One time I picked him up and we went to his sisters house. When we got back to the city where we live he asked me if I could pick up a friend of his. He started talking to this girl on some dating site and he really wanted to meet her. I told him no and that I didn't want to meet anyone. I was extremely depressed and he knew this. I almost started crying and he asked me if I was okay. He was telling her that I'm depressed and she told him that she is depressed too and that we can drive around, smoke, listen to music and that she would make me feel beautiful. I kept telling him no and he is like "it will be good karma and you can make a new friend" if I went and picked her up. I told him I don't want friends. I drove to his house and said he could get out and he's like "can I say no?" I kept trying to get him to leave but he wouldn't. Finally after a while of trying to convince me to pick her up he finally got out of the car and I went home. Am I the bad person? Apparently he had another friend of his pick her up and I guess she asked him why I didn't want to meet her and that she really wanted to meet me. Am I the bad friend? I have feelings for this guy and I just feel stupid because I know he doesn't care about me at all. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
JYbJSGBCPumBDdDamSwtZUsZUX5l1Pac | b44wjr | {
"description": "talking while my roommate is trying to sleep",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for talking while my roommate is trying to sleep | So, my roommate has a really strange sleep schedule. He gets up and goes to bed at random times. Yesterday, he got up at 3 PM and went to bed at 830 PM.
Now, I like playing Ps4, with my friends in the USA(I'm American but live overseas to study) and this time at night from 8-11 PM is when they're on, and I really enjoy this time playing with my friends.
Anyway, I still kept quiet. I put my headphones in, dimmed, the TV, etc. I had only said about 3 sentences in 3 hours, and while I'm just saying hi to a friend(that's all I said) he tells me he's trying to sleep and curses at me.
I told him to fuck off and that his strange sleep schedule isn't my problem, and I was already being pretty quiet.
AITA here for not obeying his strange sleep schedule, especially when I was being quiet anyway? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
MKznAt0vKdVujCSHwAgHgsmmATrB5n7M | awahko | {
"description": "refusing to go fishing with my grandpa",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For refusing to go fishing with my grandpa? | A little bit context : I'm a teenager (almost an young adult) with divorced parents, have to go with my dad on alternating weekends, and me and my mother live in a house in her grandparent's lot (so, two houses, one lot), and my dad just said he couldn't pick me up on this weekend, so he spoke to my mum about taking me on this tuesday (03/05), since it's his day off.
So, this happened just recently, I was at my house, playing videogames, stuff like that. My grandpa comes in, and asks me to go fishing with him this tuesday on a nearby river. I tell him that no, I can't, since my father already told me to pick me up on tuesday and go out with him. My grandpa tells me to cancel the trip, which I also stubbornly refuse. After a few moments of yaddling about, my gramps leaves, pissed, and I stay here, thinking that I did the wrong thing. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4jvZXyZ7Ymar2s53esysJATjKSD4UsWS | ad8pzx | {
"description": "getting upset at my mother during an argument",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting upset at my mother during an argument? | I will try and post screenshots of our conversation this morning.
My mom and I haven't gotten along for years. We both have mental health issues and tend to take things out on each other, we both recognize that. But lately things have gotten really bad. I went through a traumatic event in december, and when she came with me to the doctor to simply support me, she couldn't even hold back some snarky comments about me making bad decisions. I told her to leave the room.
A few days ago, my car was in the shop getting fixed, and she asked if I would need a ride to work. I said yes please, and asked if she could pick me up from the gym. No problem.
We got in a fight in the car. I don't remember what started it, but the usual "you need to be nicer to me" argument came up (her saying this) and turned into her telling me that my entire family thinks I'm a bitch and they side with my mom on this.
Yesterday, she tells me that some girl (doesn't know who) told my stepsister that people are talking shit about me. I'm 28 y/o JFYI, so why that still happens at my age is beyond me. However, she told me this in hopes that "I could figure out who the person was, apologize, and start being nicer". This seems like a huge coincidence to me and hurt my feelings. She doesn't understand that all that did was making me more upset, as I am constantly battling intrusive thoughts that everybody hates me, which she clearly is confirming to be true.
This morning she texts me to tell me how my stepsister and stepdad are mad at her for saying that to me, and that obviously I am mad at her too, but she still thinks i need to "work on my anger and my weight before you need [gastric bypass] surgery "and that she loves me. Obviously that little blow got me upset. (My stepsister literally just had that surgery done maybe 2 days ago, as she's been 300+ pounds for years. She decided to do this herself.)
Obviously I am upset by this. I asked her (not very calmly, i'll admit) how she expected me to react to my mother telling me something like that. She proceeds to tell me to stop being a selfish bitch, and that YES i AM fat and I do nothing about it.
[Screenshots from our conversation](https://imgur.com/gallery/1gohJBU) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6yy2C0dnflrDoFQZRSELZGxYKNSYwL5Z | b8o2h4 | {
"description": "calling out my sister to my mom",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for calling out my sister to my mom | My 21 year old sister struggles with depression. This is something I've dealt with myself so the last thing I want is to make things worse, which is why I'm asking this. Bear in mind the things I mention in this post have been going on for YEARS and it's only getting worse.
As a result of her depression, my sister isolates herself to the extreme. From the moment she wakes up to the moment she goes to bed, she shuts herself in the computer room playing video games. Whenever my mom and I offer her to come and eat with us/watch tv/etc, a blunt "no" is usually the answer.
She also generally ignores other family members who reach out to her, including our father, who is always extremely worried about her and always asking me about her because she ignores his phone calls 90% of the time and never sees him (this is a result of her self isolation, they don't have a bad relationship or anything).
The only time my sister voluntarily interacts with any of us (mainly only my mom) is when her mood plummets extremely low and she needs a shoulder to cry on. The reason for her low moods/depression is always loneliness/not having any friends/never going out. I understand that she struggles socially, but it's frustrating to hear someone complain about being lonely when their family is constantly reaching out to them and all they do is push us away.
I myself have sat down with my sister countless times and tried to give her advice whenever I have the opportunity, I've also offered to hang out with her if she ever wants to get out of the house, but she never does.
Usually she doesn't even open the door of the computer room when my mom knocks. My mom will knock and ask if she's ok/if she wants dinner yet/etc. My sister usually just gives a one syllable answer or ignores her. This really annoys me because it just seems rude and disrespectful to my mom.
It's worth mentioning that my mom is very supportive, empathetic and has always done her best for both of us. However, she can also be kind of passive and avoids conflict, particularly in regards to my sister. This (in my eyes) is contributing to these problems.
So recently I've been saying to my mom that this isn't ok. I'm constantly trying to get through to her that my sisters behavior is not only disrespectful, but it's also ultimately harmful to herself & isn't helping her situation. My mom sees nothing wrong with it however. Sometimes she says she's going to talk to my sister and try and get her to open up more, but it never happens.
It's at the point now where my mom and I are getting in arguments sometimes, because whenever I point these things out to my mom she says I'm attacking my sister.
I'm worried that I'm potentially TA here because maybe I'm being unsympathetic to someone who's already having a hard enough time. And maybe it's not my place to be telling my mom how to deal with her own daughter. I really don't know, so an outside perspective would be appreciated.
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
KqwMOaVqxTrNEhchGaT6R4nTw2n7ku5F | alekon | {
"description": "wanting to go on holiday without my stepdaughter",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 217
} | AITA for wanting to go on holiday without my stepdaughter? | Me and my husband have twins who are 4 and he has a 13 year old from his last marriage. We’re planning on going to the Bahamas this year and I really just want it to be my husband, me, and our kids. We’ve never had a holiday with just the 4 of us and she’s a really moody teenager right now and it’s driving me insane. I feel like she’ll ruin the trip if she comes. I said to my husband can we go in school time while she stays with her mum and he said he feels bad not inviting her.
We haven’t decided what we’re doing yet but AITA for not wanting her to come? I doubt she’d enjoy it anyway and she’d probably sit on her phone the whole time | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 217,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 217
} | WRONG |
9HaKmCrzxlAoNlp4G5ECHYnAy4kIftnT | b7sgqy | {
"description": "wanting to move out when I know my elderly parents need help",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting to move out when I know my elderly parents need help? | My parents are in their late 60s/early 70s. I am 24 and I live with my parents. I recently graduated from school and took job in the city where I work around 60-65 hrs a week. The city is an hour commute there and an hour home. I’m extremely tired with the commute. I can’t have friends over or guys over. I’m also the “lame one” with my friends because I always have to leave parties and other things extremely early because I know my commute is bad and even dangerous late at night.
I mentioned moving out to an apartment near the city and they both got upset. They need help with some of the more physical jobs around the house like gardening, shoveling the driveway, etc., as well as taking care of the pets and doing shopping and other things. They were thinking that since I have a job now, I will be contributing to paying property taxes and utility bills. I also know my mom in particular would really miss me and be sad if I left.
I feel like the asshole for wanting to leave and that I’m favoring little things over taking care of them. They are upset at the idea. If I move out, will I be the asshole here?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
EreVv8VPaoUvCtx0a2CZI9R14msOnsi5 | alns7z | {
"description": "confronting my gf with a condom found in her trash",
"pronormative_score": 110,
"contranormative_score": 21
} | AITA for confronting my gf with a condom found in her trash | So this happened about 6 months ago and isn't a huge deal anymore, but it occasionally comes up and i think about it from time to time wondering if i really am an a-hole for it. Story goes that it was my gf's birthday so i went over to her house so we could celebrate. As soon as i walked into her room i noticed an opened condom wrapper on the floor. It couldn't have been one from me because we had never had sex at that point. I showed it to her and asked why it was there. She, of course, denied cheating on me and said it probably was an old one that came from under her bed (she has a cat that could have found it and started to play with it).
I wasnt completely convinced and knew i needed to check the trash to be sure there wasnt a condom in there. She left the room to go do something so i decided i would check. She was using a plastic bag hung up on her closet door as a trash bag. So i looked inside and, without having to dig through any trash, i saw a used condom in it.
I was beyond pissed, absolutely sure that she had cheated on me. I grabbed the condom (a bit gross i know but i was angry and didn't really care) and went downstairs to confront her with it. She lives at her grandmothers house, along with her sister and her sisters bf. Her sisters bf ended up coming up the stairs as i was going down and saw the condom i was holding. He was unsurprisingly confused as to why i was holding a condom and asked who's it was, so i told him "well it isn't mine". He got that "oh shit" look on his face and went upstairs. I caught up with my gf and showed her the condom and we ended up going back upstairs to argue about it.
She was mad at me for going through her trash, saying it was a breach of her privacy. I was mad because i had just found a used condom wrapper on her floor and a used condom in her trash. She continued denying that she cheated on me and said that it was an old bag that she found in her closet that she decided to use for trash, and that she must have thrown that condom in there as trash the last time she had sex. I didn't believe her as the chances of finding a used wrapper and condom was too small for me to think it was just coincidence. Eventually her sister came up and helped us talk through it, telling me that she believed my gf was telling the truth and could tell when she was lying. So i decided id listen to her and trust in my gf. But my gf was still mad that i didn't trust her immediately, had went through her trash, and embarrassed her by 'showing' the condom to 'everyone', on her birthday nonetheless.
We moved on from it, as we're still together, but i still wonder if i was an a-hole for what i did or if it was appropriate that i believed she had cheated on me. My gf has also done some other shitty things that still make me unsure sometimes whether i ever should have believed her or trust her now. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 109,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 110,
"WRONG": 21
} | RIGHT |
V2QoJsOxFFwCyPQLPGdrboiC5jepKZMm | b3g4x6 | {
"description": "not wanting for fiance's pregnant ex-girlfriend to spend a night with us",
"pronormative_score": 45,
"contranormative_score": 25
} | AITA for not wanting for fiance's pregnant ex-girlfriend to spend a night with us? | Throwaway. Please let me know if I am the asshole. I am seriously losing my mind over this. I can't sleep.
​
I've been with my fiance for 6 months now. Before we got together, he was in a relationship with X. They broke up and my fiance cut all ties with X. I haven't heard about them or from them until 2 days ago.
My fiance asked me to come with him to his car. In there, X was sitting, with obvious belly. My fiance said that X suddenly called him and begged for help. Apparently she lost her job and her landlord evicted her for not paying rent. My fiance has a very good heart and obviously wanted to let her stay. I asked why the fuck he suddenly wants to help her after not talking to her for so long, and hear this: apparently she's pregnant with my fiance's baby from the time they were together. She said she's 8 months pregnant. I lost my mind when I heard it, told her to fuck off. She begged to stay because apparently she had no one left to help.
My fiance got very upset with me for not wanting to help her. I couldn't stay there anymore and left to sleep at my parent's house. My fiance called me and said that he's very disappointed with me and that he's letting X stay until she finds somewhere else to sleep.
AITA? I don't want to go back there. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 40,
"EVERYBODY": 20,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 7
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 45,
"WRONG": 25
} | RIGHT |
6tA3LBlNIjy401OZWHtDBTxx58MoQJAP | b4hgei | {
"description": "not stopping a customer to talk with manager",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not stopping a customer to talk with manager . | I am working in a tourism agency as an agency representive . They are sending me to hotels to help our guests ( which is customers staying in the hotel ). I'm in same hotel since one year and my work is not hard .I have permission to benefit from nearly all the facilities of the hotel. Everyone loves me cause when I am not busy I am trying to help all employees without expecting help from them. Last morning I took two cup of tea from lobby bar and I gave that two cup of tea to receptionists . They always work harder and I have opportunity to make them happy. After few minutes I started talking with my guests near the lobby bar and I asked if they wanted to drink something. They wanted to drink tea . I ordered two more cup of tea for guests from barman. He was busy and he said "I will help you in a minute brother" .
For some reason, cashier girl said " Don't come at bar in every ten minutes , this bar is for hotel customers" by dividing our conversation. I really got pissed off because usually I am not taking anything from lobby bar for myself. My guests are heard that girl and they said to me they will talk with manager about that girl because of her rude action . I didn't stop them and probably this topic will arrive to even general manager. AITA because of not stopping my guests ? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
wVmbNssqAG6auBhQI2Pg27G2qLOmuRid | ba82fo | {
"description": "trying to get my Dog back",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA - For Trying to get my Dog back? | Backstory (timelapse 1.5 years):
Ex-Fiancé & I were looking at buying a home together.
We moved into her parents place and they did not let me bring my Husky (I raised her from 2 months old), so my Dad and his wife agreed to foster her until I got bought a house.
Ex cheats on me and I lose my job (due to a company re-organization) and I move back to my moms place (dads is a shack) to become financially stable so that I could find a rental property that was good for me and my dog (still at my dads). Got a DUI charge (my fault) after me and the ex split which caused me to become even more financially unstable.
​
Got a new job and moved temporarily (not dog friendly) to a place closer to my new job (commute was on the other side of the city from my moms). Kept my dad informed the whole way and had several talks about me trying to become more stable so I can get my dog back. No talks of her staying with my dad permanently.
​
Promoted at job, lease is done at apartment. Talks are in about getting a new place with my gf, (dog friendly). Let my dad know I'm ready to move in June and to take my dog back.
​
He outright refuses, says she is his dog now and that he adopted her.
​
I told him that I never consented to giving up my dog permanently, also said that if he steals my dog that I will disown him as my father (he has a history of being a total jack ass in my family, reason him and my mom divorced)
​
I understand that he has grown fond of my dog, however my entire life's goal for the last year and a half was to become stable and live happily ever after with my dog.
​
AITA?
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
kXMePpuSjrM5mXIuZKssn13pEJBe5UgK | aem6p9 | {
"description": "smacking the car that almost ran me over",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA, for smacking the car that almost ran me over? | I was walking into Target yesterday to grab some coffee and then household items. Outside the front doors I waited to let someone drive past, then I started walking up to the entrance. Some young guy coming from the opposite direction who I assumed saw me since he had PLENTY of time before he reached me, apparently didn't see me, or didn't care. So he just kept cruising, I had to stop abruptly and step back to not get hit. He just cruised inches in front of me, with some douche smile on his face. Some guys standing outside Target getting signatures for something saw, and said something like "wow what a jerk" and shook their heads. So I smacked his taillight with the back of my hand and said: "watch out fucker". Then I continued walking inside. Moments later I hear someone shouting behind me, "Hey bitch, what's up? WHats up nigga? Come back, bitch. Why you touch my car, nigga? Hey, pussy come back!".
I kept walking. Ignored him, didn't engage. Went about my business. He gave up, or so I thought. I did a lap around the store, trying to remember the items I needed, as I was distracted now of course. Then I remembered I needed coffee. So I circle back to the front area to go to the Starbucks stand. As I do, I see him walking in, fast, towards me. We stop, face to face. He asks why I hit his car. I tell him, "because you almost ran me over." he argues, "no I didn't, bitch". I replied "yes, you did. People saw, it was clear as day." He just says whatever, and steps so close we had maybe an inch between our faces. His breath was fucking awful. He whispers to me if I wanna fight, and if I wanna swing on him. I reply, "why are you so close to me? I don't wanna kiss you, bro." And I sidestep around him, but keep him in my peripheral. He stays close, daring me to swing on him. I tell him I'm not about to get in a fight in a fucking Target. So logically, he offers to take it outside. I tell him he's just a ghetto idiot starting shit over nothing, and start walking towards starbucks. He follows, ranting about how I'm a pussy/fag/bitch/gay, etc. By now the entire store is stopped and watching us. Super awkward and weird. I just keep dismissing him, as I get in line at starbucks. I'm saying back to him stuff like "just fuck off, you look like trash to everyone here, coming in here yelling and trying to fight someone over your own mistake. You're ghetto and dumb, get out of here before someone calls the cops on you." and he says "ya you would call the cops cuz you a bitch".
He continues to threaten me, so I turn to a Target employee and say "do you have security or what?", as I'm shocked that after all this no one has stepped in at all. This snapped her out of whatever trance she was in, so he goes "ya, that's enough. Both of you." She points to him, and tells him to leave, points to me and tells me to go the other way. He just talks more shit and knocks over some shopping kart on his way out the door.
So I'm left wondering a variety of things the rest of the day. Like, should I have fought him? Should I have not let him ridicule me in public, and "swung on him" as he invited? Or am I truly the bigger person for dismissing him and "backing down" from the fight?
And of course, am I the asshole for smacking his taillight in the first place? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
vDd7ODDfdKJGqXhsXBwj83uhkVmW5fPY | an5jsa | {
"description": "cutting out self-involved friends who might have disorders that make them this way",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for cutting out self-involved friends who might have disorders that make them this way | I feel very conflicted about this. I’m a bit of an introvert but have always been quite socially/self aware. I feel like I go out of the way to check up on people and get to know them. Being an introvert, I find this very emotionally draining so as of recent, I’ve slowly started to cut away friends who I feel do not do the same for me.
A few example of what has bothered me: chatting with someone and the conversation revolves around them; asking how someone is doing but they never reciprocate (I’m not expecting their concern or anything, but it brings the conversation to an awkward halt once I stop asking questions; sitting in silence if I do not initiate the conversation; they don’t acknowledge me until I greet them first
Here is my dilemma: I don’t think these people are being intentionally rude. I live in a city and work in a field that exposes me to lots of talented people who may be on the spectrum or just not very socially experienced. Of course, there’s also people who are experiencing something difficult in their lives who may be consumed by their problems. I feel guilty when thinking that I might be their only lifeline or that I’m turning my back on them when others probably already have. But then it doesn’t seem like a healthy friendship.
So, AITA for cutting these people out? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
T05DryLqiuHmokXleXi6ClXO7B5XctvZ | aay9je | {
"description": "giving my manager a verbal 18-month commitment for a salaried job and then applying for another job 2 months into it",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for giving my manager a verbal 18-month commitment for a salaried job and then applying for another job 2 months into it? | I have been working at a corporation for 12 months in a contract position. My manager offered to make me a salaried employee in the same role with a salary jump and the applicable benefits. She asked for a verbal commitment from me to stay in the position for 18 months. I was really uncomfortable with the idea since I had already been working there a year and they had previously offered me salary 6 months into the job which I declined out of respect to them since I had thought at the time I was going to be returning to school within a year, which did not work out.
I was afraid my manager would not offer me the position if I declined her ultimatum so I agreed knowing realistically I probably wouldn’t be able to honour it. I found another job within the company and applied for it within a few months, now my manager is pissed saying I had given her my word to stay for 18 months. But I’ve talked to other managers in the company and unanimously they found it weird she would ask that.
I know I’m an idiot for doing what I did, but am I the asshole too? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
bAsB5H9WuITjjbkm93VDSbM0b27mtedN | b5uszv | {
"description": "not helping someone up",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not Helping Someone Up? | This happened years ago and I have always wondered if I was the asshole. Among my friends and the few who witnessed it the verdict is split.
I'm at a tradeshow one day, a fairly busy one, and a girl with one leg goes by on crutches. Sure enough just a few feet from me, she falls. She was in decent shape, young (i'd guess 20's) and more than capable of getting back up. Nonetheless about half a dozen people go running over, asking if shes ok, trying to help her up, picking her crutches up from the ground, etc. But not me. I just stayed where I was even though I was the closest to her.
​
My co-worker comes over after the fuss dies down and just rips into me. How could I just stand there? Why wouldn't I help her? What the Hell is wrong with me?
​
My reasoning: I thought she would be more embarrassed by everyone running over there to help her up, something she could clearly do on her own, than she would be if people simply asked if she was ok and moved on. In my mind the act of falling wasn't that big of a deal but all the attention drawn to it was a little humiliating. I still think from the way her face reddened at all the attention that I had the right approach. It's not like she was struggling to get up and I ignored that, I just wanted to avoid embarrassing her further. My co-workers disagreed, my friends are split.
​
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
RkQJpO8ysXlqnwOur0e10X40uF1xX5kp | b41hx7 | {
"description": "not getting an Uber to pick up my girlfriend and drive her car home because she had been drinking",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not getting an Uber to pick up my girlfriend and drive her car home because she had been drinking? | My gf decided to drive to a trivia night at a local bar and was not going to drink so she could drive home.
As sometimes happens to us all, she ended up drinking and could not drive home. I received a call whilst in my car asking me to come and pick her and her car up and drive her home.
I said no, because I would have to drive home, get an Uber out to the bar (20 mins away), it was late and I had just finished work.
I immediately offered to come pick her up. I would always do that, no questions asked, no matter where she is, to ensure that she is safe. But she refused saying she didn’t want to go back to the bar in the morning to pick up her car.
I said that is what I was offering, take it or leave it. And that she got herself in that situation because she shouldn’t have driven if she was going to drink.
She called me an asshole. Am I?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
nlJ3fFJUxj7Pt3RyfOQxasxXRLvq3jmG | ap86zd | {
"description": "not letting a friend I've seen maybe 4 times since high school crash at my place on a last minute's notice so she could see an 80s cover band at a local bar",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not letting a friend I’ve seen maybe 4 times since high school crash at my place on a last minute’s notice so she could see an 80s cover band at a local bar? | Friend recently moved to the same county from another state and is known to be a bit of a gypsy flake who disappears a lot. We’ve only hung out MAYBE 4 times since HS, we’re 30 now. I have a well-established life with a set routine on the weekends that helps me rest up for the work week. She texts me around 1pm under the pretense of inviting me out to see said band at a bar in my city THAT SAME NIGHT. When I decline she fumbles into, “What are the chances I can crash at your place if I do end up going?? Sorry it’s so last min!! I let my mom borrow my car and I would have to take public transit to get there.” I decline again with, “Yeah I try to avoid last minute plans at all costs. :/ Have fun if u end up going!!” I know a bigger person would feel inclined to let her stay but saying yes would require that I stop what I was doing, change my own plans, and rush around to clean my apt last minute to suit her plans. I would gladly do this for a close friend but a close friend would have enough respect for my time and the courtesy to make plans ahead of time. For the record, I’ve let her crash before when she was selling merch at music festival in my City. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
zn4kWr8iTQtYaSsfOHeRWTeQmDNFNRjg | a2agok | {
"description": "picking up my check on a day I called in sick to work",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for picking up my check on a day I called in sick to work? | I called in sick to work yesterday (food service and I had a nasty cold) but still went to pick up my check because I still have bills to pay. The manager that was in the office when I got there told me "you called in sick, that's not how this works", and took me to task on it. Then when I insisted I need my check because I have bills to pay, he went to a higher manager and came back with the check.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 33,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 33,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
y9lgIN2yLZeK5pLHgUs4l1YCQQyp2zUO | a0mhhk | {
"description": "stopping being friends with someone, partly because of her depression",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA If I stopped being friends with someone, partly because of her depression? | I'm still at school, and I've been friends with this girl for a few years now. Anyway, she told me she has depression. I know, not from experience however, that mental disorders are very difficult to get through and it helps to have someone there to be with you. That is what I'm trying to do, seeing as I'm her friend and all. During this post, I'll call her F (random letter).
However, at the moment if feel like I'm walking on eggshells around her. From early on in the friendship, she has gone into these moods where she doesn't talk to anyone, and seems to be angry at everyone. She is allowed to take a friend in past the queue at lunchtimes because of her diabetes (unrelated), but sometimes we sit there not talking at all, or she's just complaining about everything I say/do. For example:
Me- *spills food accidently*
F- *rolls eyes*.
Or:
Me- what lesson have you got next?
F- physics. With Mr randomteacher, who doesn't like me.
Me- why?
F- *rolling eyes* I come in late every day because I need to check my blood sugar.
Me- He won't hate you for that, he knows why you're late.
F- *rolls eyes again, gives yes/no or silent answers for rest of day*.
One time, she blatantly ignored me all day. The reason? "I didn't feel like talking".
I'm quite shy, so I struggle to make friends, but I am quite bubbly when I feel comfortable with someone, aka my good friends. So I happen to have another few friends, who aren't my best friends, but I can chat and have a laugh with them. We share a pe class. F is also in my pe class. If I go over to them for a couple minutes, and laugh with them, I get death glares off F for the rest of the day, which triggers a mood. Sometimes I feel like I can't be around those people if she's nearby, but I don't want to sit and mope with her during pe.
My phone is shit. Sometimes texts do not go through, the WiFi cuts out during a WhatsApp conversation, and I go offline. Sometimes it can take ages until everything's working again. It takes ages sometimes to post a simple comment on reddit. One time, I was asked by F to send her the notes from a lesson she missed due to an absence, and I said I'll try to get them to you via WhatsApp. She doesn't have Facebook messenger or anything other than WhatsApp, and my phone charges me for pictures over normal SMS. Unfortunately, I was unable to get the photos over due to having to do my homework, have my dinner and go out shopping with my mam, all after school. When I returned home, my phone broke again. I explained this to her the next day, and she started ranting about how I never reply to her. I've explained the issue.
One day in pe, she was whispering to another girl about something. I get on with this other girl, and she basically told me it's personal between F and her, but she wanted F to tell me and asked me to talk to her. F had seemed distant, so I asked her, and basically said I wouldn't ever judge her if there was a secret she was hiding from me. Then I was told by F that I would be ok if I went to leave her during lunch to use the computers. I had no homework to do, F knew this, and she was hinting at me to go away.
I got a text later on that night, with F asking me exactly when she seemed distant, and why I was asking her about it.
In summary of the 10pm conversation:
Me- You've seemed distant for a while.
F- What about last Wednesday? Was I not distant then? Why are you asking me now?
I got upset, as I felt like I had to ask her every time she seemed upset, but if I do that it's wrong, because she'll roll her eyes.
Today: what made me want to post this.
I went out during the weekend to meet a friend. It was a school-type event so lots of people from school would be there and I texted F and another friend if they wanted to come the same day, but I would understand if they couldn't, as it was spontaneous. Remember the phone situation? Only one message went through, as I sent them individually and locked the screen as F's message was going through, so hers didn't get through without me knowing until today, when my other friend told me why she couldn't come, and F glared at me. I suddenly realised that she may not have received the message, and I apologised and told her that my phone was still acting up. She was silent, whenever I said hi all day she'd storm past me. Now I think she was talking crap about me because she was whispering with this boy in my class, and glancing at me, trying to be subtle. I don't know if this was true, or it was me becoming paranoid after what's happened in the past. I noticed I can't talk to my friends, but she's still talking to who she wants to.
I'm trying my hardest to understand/ not be a jerk about her depression, but it's tough. I feel emotionally drained at this point, as I just want to get through school with good grades, as well as enjoying parts of it, but I feel like F is taking over my life. I want to separate myself from her, but I don't know her experience.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Ob6rcztdwBqu3O0jLpm9W4D38s1IpSHc | b1vup8 | {
"description": "telling my parents I don't need them and not wanting to help with money anymore",
"pronormative_score": 26,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my parents I don’t need them and not wanting to help with money anymore. | I’m Hispanic, female, and 22. That doesn’t sound important but trust me it matters in this case.
My parents don’t have a lot of money. We live in a low-income type neighborhood. Our house needed a lot of remodeling, which I helped with financially.
If my parents need it, I always help out with bills and paying off the house. We finally paid it off about a year ago so now there’s extra money for more remodeling. I make good money and tips waitressing and I felt I could finally save up.
I thought I was done helping out with bills but now my mom is guilting me into helping buy new furniture.
She said if i bought new couches, she’d help me pay for them. I kinda agreed because I didn’t think they’d be too expensive if we split it.
That was until she showed me the ones she was looking at. They were real leather, compared to the imitation ones we had. And they were hella expensive, even with the split cost.
I backed out of my part of the deal and explained to her that there’s no point because i only have one semester of college left and plan to move out and buy my own furniture.
That is like saying I’m gonna betray the entire family name in Hispanic mom language. It’s also important to mention my dad has various health problems and i get guilt-tripped into staying for him too.
My mom became so petty over this saying that I’m acting like I don’t need them anymore and that I’m not even married yet, so I’m not allowed to move out.
I’ve always paid for everything I own. I’ve paid for my braces since I was 16, my car, my phones, clothes, AND college. So yes maybe I don’t need them.
We got into a big fight and I also told her that this isn’t her generation and I don’t have to be married to live my own life. She kept arguing that it’s a sin to live with my boyfriend and not be married.. HUH?!
I told her my dad doesn’t need me to care for him because he’s married and has a wife to do that for him. Which now I feel made me sound like an asshole but I was so pissed.
Anyways, am I the asshole for not wanting to help with money and care for my dad anymore.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 26,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 26,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
RMt2K3lPqZpoiVeGgziWRloj0UJ3chkB | a2f4p4 | {
"description": "not being happy that my mom has taken my room",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not being happy that my mom has taken my room? | A little backstory: my mom is currently sick and if she smells anything too strong, bad or good, she’ll throw up. Her bedsheets got washed a couple days ago so she’s sleeping on my bed. My dad asked me if when something is being cooked downstairs, I can smell it from my room. I said no, and he said my mom felt the same way. So he told me that until my mom feels better, which probably won’t be for a while, she’ll be staying in my room. Not just sleeping, being there all the time.
When he told me this, I kind of just stood there and listened. When he was done telling me, I said ok. Then he got mad at me for not being happy that my mom found a place in the house where she felt comfortable. I didn’t show that I was kind of mad, just that I wasn’t exactly overjoyed.
Looking from my dad’s perspective, he’s been sleeping in the basement because my mom wants to sleep alone, and I’m not even willing to give up my room so my mom can be a bit more comfortable.
I just truly want to know if I’m being an asshole in this situation. This sub is usually a circlejerk of people wanting validation but I honestly want feedback. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
fWkTeLxUwcpmv0OmECTTpZCbyM9zjgtW | avkvd1 | {
"description": "not going to my boyfriends grandmothers wake so I can go see a concert",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For not going to my boyfriends grandmothers wake so I can go see a concert? (Update) | I fucked up and forgot to mention one part.
My boyfriends grandmother died in December. I bought tickets in January to go to a concert in July (which is also my little sisters 18th birthday). The other day I mentioned how excited I was about my July concert/Little sister birthday.
My boyfriend tells me they are having a wake/funeral for his grandmother , in Michigan, on that weekend and I'm expected to go.
1. We live in Texas 2. I bought these tickets BEFORE he told me we have to go to this funeral 3. Who waits 8 months to have a funeral?
I showed him my previous post and he informed me that the reason they are having the funeral in July is so they can throw her ashes into the ocean / have a bbq swim party.
Could I go to the concert on Saturday, miss the funeral and show up sunday for the bbq swim party and not be an asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
NewMcoRVp9HcZbvw87QrtzFM61tbkQg4 | arhvsv | {
"description": "getting mad at my boyfriend for getting drunk",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting mad at my boyfriend for getting drunk? | Today was the day of my aunt's memorial service. I'm not saying that to garner any pity, just for context of where my head was at today. It was very emotional especially for myself, my sisters, my dad, and our cousins. We all grew up next to each other so it was like losing my other mom.
I've been very good about hiding my grief throughout the process from my boyfriend of 4 years but I made it clear that I was probably going to be emotional today. He was very sweet and doting to me throughout the day which I appreciated. We go over my cousins after the service to hang out and he leaves with the boys while I stay and hang out with my girl cousins and sisters. Fast forward until midnight when they show up and most of them were drunk but my boyfriend was beyond plastered. He can be so hard to handle when hes drunk (loud, obnoxious, stumbling) so I was a little irritated I would have to essentially take care of him on the way home. This isnt an unusual occurrence, and I was glad he had fun - but today was not the day for me.
It got worse on the way home when he kept making weird comments about his dnd character and my sisters dnd character to the point where we all thought he was insinuating their characters get together. I know he didnt mean it like that but he kept repeating the same things trying to explain it better which made it worse. He wouldnt listen to me when I told him to dial it back and he usually doesnt listen when hes drunk.
By the time we got home I was throughly embarrassed and pissed off at him. I gave him some food and water before he stumbled up to bed but he also kept asking for sex and why I was mad at him. Whenever he can tell I'm irritated with him he'll say things like "im just gonna go cry then" or just generally try and make me feel bad for being mad at him. He can never be the bad guy in the situation or own up to anything and it pisses me off. I love him so much, just not when hes so intoxicated.
AITA?? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
D4pKGRQkkE5G9pn4xaQw0obqrz68qMuM | afe7ov | {
"description": "getting a girl with a bf jewelry",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting a girl with a bf jewelry? | I met a girl through my classes and quickly became good friends with her. Her birthday was about a week ago and I got her earrings. She’s been in a committed relationship since long before we met. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
PirPdCRRnirCB0lxOqzF1EAOb2TWC0SY | b3lu9b | {
"description": "asking my wife to help clean up",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 31
} | AITA for asking my wife to help clean up? | This happened a few weeks ago.
​
While at my dads' place, I was busy playing video games with him and my two much younger brothers when my dad accidentally knocked a cup of milk over and it spilled onto the floor. Since we were in the middle of a game, I asked my wife if she could come and clean it up.
​
She wasn't really doing anything at that moment, but she said no and told him to clean up his own mess. She refused to listen when we said that we were busy. She became really upset with me after I was joking around that she was better at cleaning up anyway, and that she needed practice for cleaning (as she's close to giving birth any day), and responded with "do I have to hold the mop with my vagina?"
​
I thought that was a little excessive and fairly inappropriate to say in front of my brothers. After a few more rounds of our game, she wanted to go home, so we did where we argued for a while. She felt like my family and I were being disrespectful to her whilst I felt like I was just making a harmless joke, and that she really could have attempted to help clean.
​
Again, it's been a few weeks and my wife doesn't care anymore, but I need to know, AITA?
​
TLDR: I asked my wife to help clean up and made some jokes. She reacted aggressively and made an inappropriate comment, which we argued about for a while. She doesn't care, but I wanna know if ITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 30,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 31
} | WRONG |
mHYrTLEqWRHajhFl6Q78UtECC7KPI4tr | ao37t5 | {
"description": "trying to avoid being with a friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for trying to avoid being with a friend. | For context I'm 16. Like most classes, throughout the world, during high school, ours is divided in smaller groups. Since last year this "friend", I will call him Max (not real name), he has been manipulative and annoying.
As I mentioned my class was divided in groups, and ours was the smallest, it consisted of me, Max, and two other friends, I'll call them Omar and Andrew (again not real names). Max was physically abusive for the five years that I hanged out with him, mostly with me, punching and kicking me. I never really gave it much thought since I barely got hurt, and just tolerated it and took it as a joke. Fast forward to February of last year. I started dating a girl, and he got increasingly jealous, started to insult me and my girlfriend, and became closer "friends" with Andrew. Although he wasn't as physically abusive with Andrew he did insult him a lot.
A few months later, during art class, Max got annoyed with Andrew and decided to hit him across the face. As I've heard they had a bit of an argument for a couple of days prior to that. I tried not support either party, but ended up helping Max out a bit because I knew him for longer than Andrew. Until the end of the last school year things got worse and the group started splitting up.
When this school year started we were now in different classes, and it was just me, Andrew and Donald (yet again not real name, also he already knew Max and Andrew but not me) hanging out and Max came along most of the time. By now neither me nor Andrew can tolerate Max, and so we started to avoid Max. Max noticed something weird and Donald told him that me and Andrew were avoiding him. Max got mad and confronted Andrew, accusing him of being to blame for all of this.
Andrew is a way better friend than Max, being supportive and never insulted me (except for jokes that I play along with).
I I've know Max for years and feel a bit bad in cutting relations with him, because I know that he is abusive because of a lot of problems he has with parents etc..
AITA for avoiding and ignoring him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
xOajTRa37hZeQh2SboJGlqpT12ppOm2w | awxmej | {
"description": "thinking of seizing contact with best friend months after she did the same to me. * ed trigger warning",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA: I'm thinking of seizing contact with best friend months after she did the same to me. * ED Trigger Warning* | Background: Best friend suffered from anorexia, but began recovering in spring of 2018. I began recovering in fall of 2018. Our friendship has always been supportive, and we never saw our EDs as competition to see who could be thinnest- or so I thought.
​
I began recovering in October. She cut contact with me in November. Despite knowing how hard it was to start eating again, she stopped speaking to me with no warning or explanation for three months. The one person I thought I could help guide me through the mess of recovering fucked off to the ends of the earth without a word. But, thankfully, I was so sick and tired of being sick and tired that I didn't let her abandonment affect my recovery process.
Fast forward to February 2019. The two of us have begun speaking again, but it's awkward and kind of forced. I'm bigger (NOT fatter, as my psychologist would say ;)), and she's been stable for a few months now. We got into conversation about why she cut me off, and she reluctantly admitted that because my waist was xx inches away from hers despite our height difference, she was triggered and therefore uncomfortable around me. The bad, toxic part of her brain compared her body to mine and she began to feel insecure around food again.
I can understand her reaction, but I'm more hurt than I'd like to admit. Instead of coming to me, my best friend stopped talking to me because of my weight in the middle of my recovery process. I'd been with her through thick and thin, but the moment I needed support, she cut off contact.
I know she's going through her own stuff, but I don't think I can trust her again, and and it's getting hard to contact her on my own volition. For the safety of my mental health and preventing a relapse, a part of me thinks I should cut her off- with an explanation...
AITA for cutting contact just when we've begun talking again? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
rWAdphssaGY3IGGWigRdZxezXiGEIaeT | b10m5a | {
"description": "blocking a parking exit on purpose",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 15
} | AITA for blocking a parking exit on purpose? | Hello everyone! I'll be using a throwaway account because I have coworkers that know my regular account.
I work at a local hospital where we have our own staff parking. The gate is opened with a card that we pay for monthly. We also need the card to exit the parking lot. There is no one at the gate, only a speakerphone where you can talk to a security guard when you push a button.
One particular morning, I forgot my card. It is a 30 minutes drive home so there was no way I was going back for it. I just pushed the buzzer and asked the guard if he could let me in anyway.
At this point, I was totally prepared to being told no. I would have just accepted my faith, parked in the street and walked but I figured it was worth a try!
So anyway, I buzzed for the guard and asked. He was very chill about it and let me in without any problem.
At the end of the day, I get in my car to leave and drive to the gate. I push the buzzer and ask the guard to please open the gate to let me out since I forgot my card.
He immediatly gets mad at me for forgetting my card. I apologies and tell him I'll be careful next time. He refuses to open the gate, telling me he's not supposed to open if we don't have a card.
At this point, I think he's confused, thinking I want to get IN the parking lot so I kind of laugh it off, explaining that I'm inside and want to get out.
He didn't appreciate that at all and tells me that no card is no card, that I need to park my car back inside and go get my card if I want to leave with my car.
Like I mentioned before, it is a 30 minute drive to get home and I have to go pick up my kids at daycare so I'm getting pretty impatient. I tell him that I completely understand the "no card" policy, but that I should have never been let in in the first place and if the other guard made a mistake, it didn't give him any right to restrain my car in the parking lot.
He still refuses to let me out and asks me over and over to park back and come back with a card.
At this point I flat out told him I would not move, and that there was about 400 employees getting off work in the next 15 minutes, that we'd talk again then.
I buzzed him again every minute or so, updating him on how many cars I was blocking until he finally opened the gate.
Was I an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 15
} | RIGHT |
ZBuN6LqzXK5wuVH55rHqvYU9kjBd4v2C | ajz03l | {
"description": "telling my gf I'd leave her if she uses drugs",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for telling my gf I’d leave her if she uses drugs? | I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost a year and I love her to death from earth the the endless sky above, but while talking with her on the phone she mentioned her manager, at the restaurants she works at, she said her manager showed her what Ecstasy looks like, it was her first time seeing what it looks like and her manager said she was gonna go home and try it with her boyfriend and let her know if she should try it. My girlfriend is sweet and innocent and jokes around a lot but she seemed serious to me about highly considering taking this if her manager told her too, she is overly nice which isn’t always bad but she tends to be easily influenced by people she trust or have known for a while. She was even persuaded to eat a weed cupcake by one of our friends, when months before we said we would never eat anything with weed in it or smoke weed at all. It’s happened before where people have taken advantage of her kindness and it’s happen to me as well so I don’t wanna see anything bad happen to her at all, while on the phone I said in our convo;
Me: I’m sorry but I can’t stay if you decide to take drugs, I won’t come back either cause that’s not something that’s good for either of us at all
Her: it’ll be fine as long as I’m in a controlled environment and with people I trust, like you.
Me: Nope, can’t do it, im sorry I love you and all but I can’t stay and won’t come back if you decide to use drugs I just can’t, that’s not something I want for us
After that she went silent for a bit but only until her mom came to pick her up from work, I didn’t really think much about my response until she texted me before going to bed, which made me feel like an ass
“Hey, don't threaten to leave me again. That hurts. I understand if you don't want me to do something but don't threaten to leave an never come back. Please.”
I don’t know if me text response was any good either cause I decided to say this
“Sorry....I just don't want anything to do with drugs at all, no weed or anything like that, I'm sorry but I'm serious, if your on drugs like that I'm not gonna be able to trust it, I just want you far away from it cause that kind of shit can kill people, I don't want you to die just cause your manager said try it, I know it's an asshole thing to say but I can't stay if you gonna let people influence you that easily....I love you to death and I don't wanna have to break up with you over drugs cause that's just dumb, and that's why I didn't eat the weed brownie or muffin or whatever either, cause it can cause addiction just as easy as one time, I don't want that for you either, that's also why when I vape I keep you away from the smoke and try not to hit your face and say to move to the other side of me, I don't want to hurt you with that or see you get hurt all because you were just told to take a drug because it would feel good....I'm sorry but I'm being hurtfully real, if you take drugs I'm not staying”
Did I say the right things or am I just being a dick?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
LN3xKjpyR4NUlL31kX0sFZTC6PY1zFRY | b7pzp7 | {
"description": "not wanting to visit my dying grandfather",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not wanting to visit my dying grandfather? | I'm gonna try to keep this short. My grandpa is dying. He was moved to hospice care, has been hallucinating, is off all his medicines, and just keeps getting sicker. The last time I saw him, maybe a month or two ago, he was happy and eating and alert and it was honestly the most alive I remember seeing him in years (he's been fighting a pretty aggressive blood cancer that left him essentially bed/wheelchair bound).
I don't think I can bring myself to see him in a hospital bed as a shell of the man he used to be. I don't have a close relationship with my grandparents but I still love him and I want him to know that, but I really don't want to see him at his lowest point. I'd like to keep my last image of him as happy and lively. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
nhOMgN1ZXuvfj6q0NDbswq2L9GcE6TQo | 9yo6rv | {
"description": "telling my bffs ex the real reason she broke up with him",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for telling my bffs ex the real reason she broke up with him | I've been best friends with my bff for about 12 years now. I love her to death, but she has really bad commitment issues. She's been off and on with this guy for years and so I've become friends with him. Strictly friends, he has my blessing for my best friend. Generally a great guy, but my bff keeps screwing him over because she can't settle down. She gave him an excuse to break things off this time, a week before my birthday dinner that he was invited to. He texted me and told me what happened because I sent him a joking message telling him to treat my bff right since they were together again. I want him to know the real reason she broke things off (she said she's too busy & i know that's just an excuse), and she hasn't told me yet. I want to send her a text and say like "hey I'm gonna make reservations, is (your ex) going to make it?" and when she tells me I was going to let him know what's up because I like the guy and he deserves it, he loves her to death. If it's shitty I wouldn't do it, but what do you guys think?? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
lBYo7Thhxk3rIMGoobaQqXqG1Mgria5y | akz9ml | {
"description": "calling a girl a bitch for her drunk actions",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA For calling a girl a bitch for her drunk actions? | I’m at university and am living in halls of residence currently with some of the best people I’ve ever met (I’ll call them A, J, and Z).
My flat and I went out to a club last night in a large group of about 20 people. It’s Z’s first night out in about a year (in which time she hasn’t had any alcohol for medical reasons), so I’m assigned babysitting duty.
The night starts out great, everyone is having a good time, we’re dancing, there’s ridiculous hats, just dumb uni stuff basically.
Z then gets messages from her boyfriend back home calling her “inconsiderate”, “a sociopath”, blah blah because she didn’t stay in to speak with him. -Side note, he is a manipulative scum bag.-
So it’s about 1:30 and the effects of the alcohol hit Z pretty hard and she’s in a pretty bad emotional state. J, Z and me decide it’s time to leave so we go to get our coats with some others in our group. Z was meant to have the tickets for our coats but says that she can’t find them and that she must have given them to someone else so we begrudgingly leave the club without them.
When we get outside Z finds the tickets at the bottom of her purse so J takes them and goes in to get all our coats. In the meantime I carry Z somewhere she can sit down and she starts crying that she’s sure her boyfriends going to dump her, apologising for her state, etc.
A few minutes later J comes back out with our coats and a look of extreme agitation. She doesn’t say a word to us she just throws my coat on the ground and walks off.
This set Z off in another round of crying about how she (Z) must have ruined everyone’s night and we all hate her. Sufficed to say I was not very happy with J.
The next morning (the morning of the day this is posted) everyone is back safe but I’m still very angry with J.
I go to get breakfast and she’s in the kitchen talking about last night with another flat mate. She asks me how my night was and I respond “It was alright until you acted like a massive bitch to me and Z.” She doesn’t say anything, just looks shocked. So I just walk back into my room.
I feel pretty bad now. Although she didn’t seem that drunk, I never actually saw how much she had to drink I just assumed she was sober. Plus I don’t know what happened when she was getting our coats that may have set her off.
Tl;dr flat mate got wasted another (drunk) flat mate made the situation worse so I called her a bitch.
So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
CO9QF9uCS1YPqcbTRYvfi691iEGDau0y | 9tkt2g | {
"description": "calling out people who wore Ku Klux Klan costumes in a public Halloween party",
"pronormative_score": 43,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for calling out people who wore Ku Klux Klan costumes in a public Halloween party? | The title pretty much tells the basic story.
Detailed version: My friends and I went on Halloween to a public party at our town. It’s a quite big party with over 1000 people I guess.
After a while I saw some people coming in with realistic Klan costumes and was a bit shocked. When I was outside smoking I saw them standing nearby and went to them to ask, whether they think that these costumes are okay ending with an heavy argument and me telling them to piss off.
They said that they were trying to make a statement, but their arguments conflicted themselves in my opinion.
So AITA for making a fuss about this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 42,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 43,
"WRONG": 10
} | RIGHT |
qqRx32CXe9UyFtVh23GofCpyg5ejZ7GM | aicet9 | {
"description": "ordering pizza in a snowstorm",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for ordering pizza in a snowstorm | Pretty self explanatory, its snowing super hard where I live and I dont want to go out in the snow so I ordered pizza to be delivered to me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.