id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
rkXuI6vVHMRSJWNeHgwjHYc32ToNb6J3 | 9vmwai | {
"description": "asking an old fling out",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking an old fling out? | **TLDR: Asked an old fling out on a date as I'm single and just thought "Doesn't hurt to ask, maybe she's also single", her roommate then messages me saying leave her alone and I'm "interrupting her growth"...?**
* Here is the exchange with the Fling and I: https://imgur.com/a/3dPm0GX
* Here is the exchange with the fling's roommate and I (PD=high school reunion): https://imgur.com/a/4G6kOPc
Some background, I'm a male, 27, studying to be a CFP, own my own home, and own a luxury car (not bragging by any means, but this is why I am so confused at the roommate's accusation) Fling is 22/23F, never went to college and works at an antique mall (no judgement, I've been there!). Fling's roommate is 19ish(?) also never went to college, works in a small kitchen (again, no judgement). Fling and I had a thing for a few weeks, first date SHE made the move to kiss. Later in the week we go to the park and walk around holding hands, make out some more blah blah. Next week we go back to her place, cuddling in bed, one thing leads to another I go down on her only. She's never seen me without a shirt lmao. A day or two later she mentions she can't see me anymore, moving way to fast (even though she made the moves), she's not in the right head space to date or even be physical. Sure no worries, I date a fair amount so I understand.
Flash forward like 2-3 weeks after the falling out, I ask her if she'd like to meet up for a casual date and just see how it feels. "I can't I'm seeing someone. #wut So almost two weeks ago you can't imagine dating and you freak out and bail, and here you are SEEING someone (I emphasize "seeing" as if her and this dude weren't serious she could have gone out and been honest "I'm actually talking to another guy" etc). Very strange. But again, whatever, life y'know?
Now the screenshots linked about come into play. There is about a 5mo difference between the "I'm seeing someone" and my initial invite to the homecoming event. Also note the roommate messaged me almost 3 HOURS later. So if it was that big of deal why not tell me sooner?
Am I an asshole? I feel blindsided by the roommate's response. Especially the part about me interrupting her growth, while without being cocky, feel like being in a "better" life position, would if anything being HELPING her grow. She is literally me 5 years ago: anxiety ridden, no college, working jobs on the "lower" end, money crazy tight, etc. I get it! I find(found? lol) her attractive both physically and mentally. I would loved to have been a guiding hand to her finding more and more success. I understand Fling has real bad anxiety, but if she was so distraught could she not just block me? (I am currently unblocked by both btw)
Any advice or insight into what I did wrong and how to better handle myself in the future would be greatly appreciated! | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ScTz0FzeREUs4LvpausvXmiwfPjuImnp | ap96b9 | {
"description": "reading my Boyfriends messages",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA For Reading my Boyfriends Messages? | Context - We've been together for 8 years, and in the past he's wrote stuff about me online (in twitter, on tumblr, facebook, you get it) and it's not been very nice things written. Stuff hasn't been too great lately, but instead of talking about it, he just ignores the issue and refuses to talk to me at all.
​
So I went on our laptop to apply for a few jobs and to do some stuff. I opened up a messaging app to send him a message and he was still logged in and was talking to a particular person who he's talked about me to in the past. Out of interest I opened the chat up and saw they had been discussing me. The messages consisted of how he regretted the puppy we had bought, how he wasn't happy that he'd moved out with me and was hoping that things would improve. His friend never has anything nice to say about me and they both seem to have come to the conclusion that he's only with me because he doesn't want to be alone.
​
Things haven't been great for a long time, and I'm fully aware of that and that I'm not an easy person to deal with. I just don't understand why he can't talk to me about these things & why I have to find out that he feels like this through going through his messages.
​
So, Am I the Asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 10,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
kNO5xdLW2nu6uZo040q9jNc9vVLVqvvA | ab45qp | {
"description": "letting my 'FWB' believe that we would not be going to grad school in the same city therefore causing us to break up",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for letting my ‘FWB’ believe that we would not be going to grad school in the same city therefore causing us to break up. | I was seeing this guy in college for a little over a year. At the end of my senior year i let him believe I was going to grad school in a different city.
When we met it was at at a bar one night. We hit it off pretty well and we started hanging out a lot after. It started off as just to have sex but then I started coming over so we could just hang out. We’d go out for lunch and do little stuff together but it was still strictly a FWB thing.
Then summer break happened and I didn’t see him for 3 months. We didn’t really stay in contact we just snapped each other and towards the end of the break we started to face time more. When we got back to school we immediately picked up where we left off.
Things progressed and the relationship got more serious. But then he told me he had sex with someone else. I was hurt but we never talked about being exclusive. It wasn’t agreed but still out of respect and cause I didn’t really want to I never hooked up with anyone else. Still I forgave him and continued to see him. We agreed that moving forward we would be exclusive.
I wondered why we weren’t officially a couple when he told me that since he aren’t of the same religion he’s scared to take me home to his family. Doesn’t mean he won’t ever but he says as of right now he’s only comfortable with his friends and sister knowing about me and that we hang out a lot.
This didn’t sit that well with me cause I was worried that maybe that was an excuse and he really just didn’t want to make it official with me cause he knew we probably didn’t have a future together. But I enjoyed spending time with him. He had become a great friend and I didn’t wanna let that go yet.
Well he told me that he was planning on staying in the same city to complete his undergrad. I told him that I thought I was gonna go to a different city. And for a while I felt that way. I told friends and family that I was planning on going to the school in the different city. Then last minute I changed my mind and I told everyone but him.
So the past few months we have been in the same city and he didn’t know. We are 15 minutes from each other. I ran into his friend on campus and I know he told him I was in town because now he won’t stop calling me.
So before I talk to him I guess I wanna know if I’m the asshole. When I ask my friends I know I get a biased answer because they saw how hurt I was so they obviously thing He deserves lworse.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
CSrZvWgx6m1ltblkhXmpJTVOhrLBxJtT | 9zfzog | {
"description": "not believing the girl I'm seeing about something petty she said she didn't do and making it a big deal",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not believing the girl I'm seeing about something petty she said she didn't do and making it a big deal? | Ok this one is a little complicated but I've tried my best to explain it.
I've been seeing this girl for a couple months now so I know her pretty well but not completely. Basically, my girlfriend at this point but we haven't made it official.
I'm back home visiting my family so the other day, I sent her a picture of me and my cousins hangin out, expecting her to say something like "aw that's a cute pic". But she proceeds to nitpick something about the picture, the details of which are not important to the story. I was a bit annoyed saying these little details she's nitpicking on aren't important, just focus on me and my cousins. This wasn't such a big deal to me, these things happen.
However, she said she did say it was a cute pic. So I scrolled up thinking I missed her comment but I saw no such message. I took a screenshot of her non-message and sent it to her. I was expecting her to send a screenshot as well with her message but she didn't. So I asked her to send a screenshot of her message cause I just had to see it for myself. I know it's not really trusting of me to ask that instead of just taking her word for it but that's what I did. She ignores it completely and keeps on with the convo. I asked her again about the screenshot and this time, she seems or acts confused. I told her I asked for a screenshot and she said that she didn't get that message and sent me a screenshot with that message missing. At this point, alarm bells are going off in my head. Is it possible that she deleted the message I sent asking for the screenshot, took a screenshot after that and sent it to me? How is it possible that two very convenient crucial messages didn't go through? One supposedly that she sent that didn't go through (her saying it was a cute pic) and another one that I sent asking for the screenshot. By the way, the message that I sent asking for the screenshot is showing up as 'Seen' so she MUST have seen it right?
I called her out on this and she was shocked and completely plead ignorance. She said her phone's been acting up and that I should believe her over a phone. I should also say that I'm overseas and my internet connection is not very fast. I pressed her a bit more about sending me a screenshot of her initial message and she finally sent it to me. The message that she said she sent (cute pic) wasn't in it. And then she said that's probably because it didn't go through or that maybe she typed it out and didn't actually press send, which sounded like complete bs to me. So after a back and forth of asking her to admit it and her not admitting it and sticking to her story, we're pretty much at a stalemate and still fighting about it. I know it sounds like I'm the one being petty here but the evidence against her is there. I don't put anything past anybody and I feel like people are capable of anything. I had an ex, for example, who would log into my fb account and look at my messages. It might not be fair to compare this girl to that ex but I can't help but operate on my history. Part of me wants to believe her but there is clearly another much bigger part that simply can't let this go. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
vro0ajuC9aDAnjqZ0Wge9YBgXq0uA06J | a0ay83 | {
"description": "telling the girl I'm dating she was overreacting",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for telling the girl I’m dating she was overreacting | I’ve (28M) been dating this girl (21F) for about 5 months and last night she completely freaked out on me.
Some context: I’m currently working a really demanding job as a lawyer and she’s finishing her undergrad and works part-time. We met on tinder and saw each other only for sex for the first 2 months or so. Then one night we were meant to hang out but a friend who was leaving the country called and asked to hang out so I told her we could hang out for a bit then I’d go drinking with my buddy and she completely flipped out. She told me it was rude and left my place pretty angry. I thought we were done
A month or so later I messaged her and we hooked up again. After that we saw each other once a month or so. She’s a cool girl and I can tell she really likes me because she’d check in on me and send me supportive messages and I started to like her back. The thing is I’m really busy at work in the week and on the weekends I like to hang out with my friends to blow off some steam. Anyway, here’s where it started: she would send me messages telling me that she wanted me to put in more effort if we were gonna continue to see each other.
We argued about this back and forth but still hung out and she was still supportive. We hung out a few more times and actually spoke and it was really nice. Then last weekend I told her I would take her out after she complained about me not putting in effort. She then sent me a message saying she couldn’t do it anymore and she didn’t want to date someone she felt like she had to nag to hang out with her.
Here’s the moment: we went on the date and it was a nice evening and we chatted. Afterwards she asked me what we were gonna do after (I told her I had to be up early but we could go hang out at my place). When it was time to leave o told her I’d drop her off at her house on my way home (I was tired because I had drinks at work before the date and she knew this). I think she was upset because she said that it was fine she’d call her own Uber home.
I then told her that it was fine she could come over. She asked me if I was sure and that she could just go home. I called the Uber and she asked if she should go home again then I joke “no it’s fine, I don’t want to wake up to 120 messages in the morning” and she went kind of silent. Then when we got to my place I was on my phone for a bit and she commented that it was rude to be on your phone in front of company and I joked that I was checking things for worked and sent a few messages and then put it down. She then completely lost it. She went off on me about how she feels like she has to nag me to want to spend time with her and so on. She then left my place really upset (she was crying).
I said I was sorry even though I don’t think I did anything wrong but she wasn’t happy with that and she messaged me the next day saying that what I did was hurtful and I told her to calm down and then we could speak. She said this was rude and dismissive and I told her I had nothing to say then. She called me all teary and we ended things and she’s now blocked me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
TbK5vMhhlH9k6sr5OCgTx5AcFD0jXFTV | aff7iz | {
"description": "inviting my dad to my wedding, but telling him his girlfriend couldn't go",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I invited my dad to my wedding, but told him his girlfriend couldn't go? | I'm not planning on getting married soon, but being a young woman I have a lot of thoughts about my future wedding, and I have a really bad relationship with my dad's girlfriend. She listened in to phone calls with my mom and reported it back to my dad, she has called me a "dumb bitch" for waking up early for school (which then woke up the dog and she insists that the dog sleeps with her so it woke her up too), makes digs at me for not doing good enough no matter what I do (for example, if I've been working a lot one week she will make a comment about how gross my room is, or if I do clean my room or do something around the house she will make a comment about how it wasnt good enough.). She hides food from me and gets angry if I eat anything that someone else may have wanted to eat and has called me a "fat bitch" for eating the last muffin once. She insists I buy my own food (which she then "borrows" and then calls me selfish for buying it for myself.). She has made several comments to my dad about how he "cant afford to take care of me" and how it "isnt his responsibility" (even when I was under 18, she would insist that I go live with my mom instead). I can't even stomach the thought of seeing her on such an important day In my life, she has made the last few years of mine miserable and seeing her would ruin it for me. I was thinking of just inviting my dad but specifying that she was not invited, and then letting him know that if he insisted she go then neither of them would be welcome at the ceremony, and then just having my mom walk me down the isle. Is this wrong? Is it an ass move? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 33,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 33,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
JUlawNa9rUp2xtYg37ltnqEvmlCGb25y | akdzra | {
"description": "wanting more than just her appreciation and expecting a little help",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting more than just her appreciation and expecting a little help? | Some context, my (28m) fiance (27f) has had health issues which left her in a lot of pain and unable to move around much at all for the majority of 2018. I had picked up the slack and would do the dishes, laundry, taking out the garbage and other miscellaneous tasks. It took a toll on me and we would have constant fights back then to which I admit I may have been at fault back then. Regardless though she always exclaimed that after getting better the first few things she wanted to start doing again was helping with the chores.
The thing is now that she's had surgery and fully recovered here I was expecting things to shift back to normal where it would be a little more evenly split between us yet here I am still doing all of these things 90% (laundry100% of the time)of the time, my main issue being the laundry. We live in an apartment and need to walk up two flights of stairs to reach the laundry room. When I slack off because I'm tired after work it can really pile up.
Things really started to build up and get to me, we have been fighting quite consistently the previous weeks. I had been asking her to please not wait for the garbage bin to be so full you can't close it before taking it out( small apartment with open garbage bins don't work). Well that continued and then the same day she actually decided to do the laundry but ended forgetting it downstairs and blamed me for not reminding her, I had apparently agreed to keep track but I did not hear this request as I had my head phones at that time. So this turns into a larger argument.
I feel she doesn't follow through with what she says all the time and I feel lied to. Her argument though is that she appreciates what I do for her but she forgets and these things shouldn't be an issue. I've been trying really hard to see things from her point of view but it just never feels like she understands why I get upset.
TL;DR : Fiance promised to help out with chores after recovering but that fell through and I still end up doing it. Doesn't think I should make a big deal out it when we fight | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
jU1fbOjsRWgOwtoNZoS0hXWAIq9Gb41K | aawk8m | {
"description": "leaving my friends house early because of their dog",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I left my friends house early because of their dog? | I'm supposed to be staying at a friends house for five days. I'm on day two and I'm really freaking out. To preface this story, I must say that I have some slight obsessive tendencies and I really struggle with a lack of cleanliness.
My friend and her mum have a tiny little terrier who's quite elderly and doesn't have the best control over its bodily functions. In the last 24hrs I've dodged multiple piles of poop and piddle and while they do their best to clean up, there's smelly stains and old streaks of dried poop everywhere. This dog will shit everywhere and then come and sit on me and lick me and lick everyone and everything and then we all sit down to share food and they haven't washed their hands and it's all a bit too overwhelming. I constantly feel sick and want to scrub my whole body down and change my clothing which of course is impractical as I have limited clothing on me.
I am well known to them as an avid animal lover so I can't just ask them to keep the dog away from me as it'd be considered out of character. And her mum's self concious enough about her house at it is without me being honest about why I'm leaving (if I do) so I was considering saying I'm feeling unwell and training back to mine (I live a 2hr train journey away). There's just no way I can be polite about it (or so I can think).
I fear I'm maybe the arsehole because I have exams coming up and I accepted the holiday invitation out of politeness. I do just want to be at home to cram, and this is a factor in my desire to leave, but this situation is really feeling like a dealbreaker for me. As much as I care about my friend, i want to make my excuses and leave... | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
cUPXK4SOiam9J6vwNOM3LsstVhwfZa2k | b6il7f | {
"description": "disagreeing vehemently with my college-aged daughter about the use of punctuation in text messages? does using a period in a text message make one look angry",
"pronormative_score": 44,
"contranormative_score": 75
} | AITA For disagreeing vehemently with my college-aged daughter about the use of punctuation in text messages? Does using a period in a text message make one look angry? | My 20-year-old daughter and I got into an all-out screaming match about using a period at the end of a sentence in text messages. She says it makes me sound hostile. I've been on the Internet since around 1992. I understand and use emoticons, abbreviations, /s, etc... However, I usually use complete sentences, proper grammar, and accurate punctuation. Doing otherwise looks incomplete to me. FYI, I'm a Gen-Xer. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 27,
"EVERYBODY": 67,
"NOBODY": 17,
"INFO": 2
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 44,
"WRONG": 75
} | WRONG |
PHCYGRYhcod2yKcPUV2aZWy2hHjil1sL | aqbo37 | {
"description": "telling my friend I didn't want to drive her home",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I told my friend I didn’t want to drive her home? | Background info:
I am a senior in high school. I have a job, a license and a car and have had since I was old enough to do al of that. I was one of the first ones to get my license even though I am one of the youngest in my friend group. At first I didn’t mind driving the around but now almost everyone in my friend group has a license.
Except one. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE this girl to death and love being her friend but having to drive her home is getting to be a burden to all of my friends. We all get out at the same time, and sometimes she needs a ride. She lives in the opposite direction of where I live, and it takes me about 25 minutes to get home when I drop her off first. Would I be the asshole if I told her I didn’t want to drive her anymore because of the gas it takes up and the time?
She is old enough to get her license and money is not an issue. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
r2pA1GJrF5t8xVJe7DBtUmglSH3FlSyu | b40lm3 | null | AITA friend tells boyfriend not to propose due to a conversation we had | This is my first post and it’s on mobile so sorry for length and/or format.
So here’s some background. My best friend has been dating a boy for a few years and she’s always telling me how she’s jealous of me and my girlfriend (I proposed on New Years to her) and how she can’t wait for her boyfriend to propose. We often call each other as we live in separate states. She works the night shift though so I have to stay up in order for this to happen.
Usually 2-4 am
So she called me a few nights ago and we started talking about anime and games. She often asks me to recommend anime to her as I know what she likes. We start talking about one with a couple as the main characters which leads to us talking about marriage. She tells me her boyfriend is gonna propose to her.
I tell her I’m happy for her and ask if I’ll be invited to the wedding to which she says of course. She then tells me how she told her boyfriend which rings she would like. I say that’s cool I see couples do that fairly often. Then she tells me several other details she told him she wanted for his proposal to which I’m a little put off as it robs him of his opportunity for creativity.
I tell her that I think that’s a little restrictive and the setting shouldn’t matter. I go on a little rant about how nothing outside of the two of you should matter except the moment. I can tell I upset her as she’s pretty quiet for the rest of the phone call and I feel bad. I tell her I’m sorry for upsetting her and wish her a good night.
I text her a good morning but leave her alone to let her calm down the next day. She tells me a few hours later that she told her boyfriend not to propose. I am shocked and I immediately feel bad and ask her if it was because of what I said. She says it doesn’t matter anymore. I feel terrible but I feel it’s not all my fault. Yes I did say I disagreed with the way she was doing things but ultimately she made the decision based off what I said. Wouldn’t that mean she agreed with me? Or did I pressure her? Normally she listens to what I say and just hears me out. This was one of the few times she acted on MY opinion. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
qATSoSjwJDKJK13U5O5A4QFycHiNdZnc | 9xqkoy | {
"description": "telling my parents to consider their needs before adopting nephews",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling my parents to consider their needs before adopting nephews? | Names have been changed.
Various family members were down on hard times and because my parents worked so hard to provide for me and my brothers they were also able to provide for extended family that needed help. Because they have the biggest hearts, and the means to help, they immediately offered their arms and their home to whoever happened to need them.
Since the early 90's my parents were taking in family. They believed God gave them the ability to help so they should do so. No one paid rent. No one said thank you. But that was not why my parents helped. They weren't interested in clout or rent money... only in helping whoever needed them, whenever they were needed, and that was often.
In '11 My father's adult neice Barbara (his sister Denise's daughter) and her husband Gabriel and their two young kids Eric (6) and Ethan (2) needed particular help. The family of four moved in with us five. They stayed in our semi-converted garage and paid rent when they could. In the few years they lived with us, Gabriel and my oldest brother battled a heroine addiction. Barbara was in and out of work. Eric and Ethan didn't go to school.
They stayed with us for almost two years and in that time, I witnessed more verbal assault between Barbara and Gabriel than I knew possible. Police had come multiple times to the house.... the poor boys never knew structure or consistency.
One night was especially bad. Barbara and Gabriel were caught in a shouting match, their boys crying on the couch. For the first time in her life, my mom had enough. She had the most patience of any one I've ever known and they drained her of it. She let them know that the violence was not okay, and they would have to leave if they couldn't control themselves in front of their kids.
In the next couple weeks they were gone. In the next couple years they were worse. Gabriel fought and lost his battle with addiction repeatedly. Barbara fell victim to the same drug abuse. They went from couch to couch. Often, Barbara and Eric would stay with Denise. Denise is an especially heartless person who would not welcome Gabriel or Ethan into her home. Gabirel was not Eric's biological father, so Denise was more welcoming of Eric than young Ethan.
Gabriel and Ethan would spend some nights on the streets. Some nights on our couch. Ethan has some language setbacks that hasn't been helped by his lack of structure or time in school. Over the years since they moved out my parents have helped get the boys in school, and get Barbara work, and get both Barbara and Gabriel in rehab. Time after time they abuse my parents' willingness to help, and time after time they are not willing to help themselves and continue to put them and their children in dangerous situations.
The most recent situation involves Barbara getting arrested after an altercation in Denise's home about a week ago. Child Protective Services took Ethan after Denise was willing to take Eric and not Ethan. Ethan is now in custody of the state at a childrens center. And Denise is planning on sending Eric to live with his biological father, a man he's never met, in Colorado. Denise wants nothing to do with Barbara or her grandchildren. Barbara is now in the streets with Gabriel.
Barbara has called my father pleading for him to take Ethan. Not just out of the childrens center, but into his home and raise him as his own. She pleads to her uncle (my father) saying that he and my mom have always done right, and worked hard. She tells them that they've been able to provide for me and my brothers and raise half-decent men. She wants the same for her son, and knows that she can't provide it and that he wont get it from the state's foster system.
And so ensues the current situation that is weighing so heavily on my parents hearts. All they have ever known is welcoming others into their home. They are actually more financially able to help others now than ever before. However, they are undoubtedly tired. My parents are fifty and this boy is seven years old. Is they adopt Ethan, they are committing to another 10/15 years of parenting. They would be starting all over. Not only this, but they would also take in Eric without second thought. They are now discussing taking in 7 year old Ethan and 11 year old Eric, and raising these boys and showing them love and structure and meaning like they've never known before. They feel like this is their duty, regardless of the fact that theyll be 60 when Ethan graduates from highschool and they finally have a chance to breathe for the first time in their lives.
Also in this time, my mom's cousin John has moved back in with my parents who now help raise his daughter Melina. Melina's mother is Tyra, my father's other niece (Barbara's sister and Denise second daughter). This only complicates the situation further.
My parents know this is not their cross to carry... the boys have parents and a grandparent. But none of them are either able to or care to provide for the boys. So my parents feel responsible to carry that cross. I tell them they have already done more work for others than is expected in one lifetime... yet they are still called to help.
They are obvioisly hesitant to take on the commitment of raising two boys again for another ten years... but arent sure if they can live with knowing that the boys are either in foster care or in Colorado with strangers if they say no.
What is the right thing to do here? Have they done more than their fair share for loved ones who have already drained every ounce of help from them? Or do they have a responsiblity to take care of these children who need help, regardless of it being their duty or not?
Tl;dr-
My parents have taken in various extended family, rent free, for the last thirty years, including neice+her husband+2kids. Now niece and her husband are on the streets, losing a battle with drug abuse, and their children are displaced. They've asked my able-but-tired parents to adopt the children. My parents want to help but are understandably concerned about the huge commitment and responsibility. Whats the right thing to do? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
lIVTNrSV7hEX1OXJboi9t3nJcD04ZM3w | 9x2d0q | {
"description": "putting something in frony of the door",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for putting something in frony of the door | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG | |
7XycXf6TXHdZSWzhXjW3ULKTh45KhOCN | ailgvm | {
"description": "repeatedly asking my brother to pay me back $3000",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for repeatedly asking my brother to pay me back $3000 | In February it's been a year since our mom died of lung cancer. I had seen her a few weeks before and I could tell her time was coming. I live in California, my brother in Nebraska, our mom in Arizona.
I'm single, have a good paying job, flexible to work wherever so I was our moms caretaker during chemo. I paid for a lot of things like food, medicine, rent at times until my mom got full disability. Her treatment was completely covered by the state.
My brother is married, has 2 kids at home, one kid elsewhere who he pays child support for and his wife has a kid elsewhere. I assume they live well enough, they tell me they like shopping at whole foods because you can grab a beer and carry it around. They have family vacations every year in Colorado with his wife's side. Me and my mom were never invited, there is a past here with his wife being controlling and jealous from the start.
So I tell my brother mom doesn't have much longer you guys need to come visit. He tells me they don't know how they can afford tickets for everyone, he just had expensive knee surgery, so after some back and forth I offer to cover it. He and his wife both swear convincingly they will set up a payment plan with me. I buy my brother, his wife and their 4 kids tickets mostly so my mom can say goodbye to her grandkids. This comes out of my savings it puts me in no financial hardship.
My aunts help get my mom set up with hospice at home. So we all go back to our homes. I have to pack some stuff, grab my 2 cats, drop them off with my friend in LA then drive back to be there when my mom takes her final breath. My brother of course wants to be there but refuses to come without his wife. At this time the stress of anticipating losing my mom consumes me and I tell him fine I'll buy you guys 2 more tickets.
My mom dies peacefully with just us 3 by her side. I'm actually relieved my brother and his wife are there because I become a zombie. His wife cooks for us, my brother makes arrangements for belongings. We make some money from selling the things my mom told us to sell, split that money because my brother and his wife had to drive back home with some furniture and stuff in a rented SUV. We tally up everything they owe me on paper and they promise to pay me back monthly.
To this day they have given me nothing. I gently bring it up the first few weeks after. They say we can't yet we will let you know and seem very annoyed. I bring it up again a few months later, same reply. They decide to move to Arizona a few months after our mom has died which confuses me. Why couldn't they have done this when she needed help? Now they say we can't pay you we just moved. So I wait until end of the year, when I'm buying a house and say I could really use a little extra help now that I have a mortgage, his reply don't worry we haven't forgotten about you. Honestly though I don't really need their money to get by but it bothers me so bad that my brother scammed me. I have been very respectful when asking for the money back but I really want to demand it and call him out for being a liar. I know this will accomplish nothing so I say nothing to instigate.
I feel like a total a-hole, not the rude kind, the dumb kind. I have learned never to lend anyone money that I'm not completely content in never getting back... | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Ub5eY7BXKEGpJmpAfbRexkmL616xgJgZ | auchsj | {
"description": "calling my dad out in front of family",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for calling my dad out in front of family? | I'm 19F & the only one living with my parents, who work long hours, so my mom likes to book an appointment for a deep tissue back massage every so often. She asked me to drive her to her appt, which is in another city about 45 min. away. We planned to visit her sister on the way back since we'd be in town. I agree, & so we made the plan for the 2 of us.
​
Then about 20 min. before we leave for the appt., my dad comes home from work. He asks where we're going, & we tell him about the appt. We keep in mind he is very tired from work, but he insists on driving us. We initially refuse, since we made these plans for us & didn't want to deal with his post-work crabbiness, but since he kept insisting, he ended up driving us.
​
Halfway through the drive, he says "(my mom's name), I love you but don't you think I get tired from driving you to these appointments?" My mom & I are quiet, astounded that he made it seem like we forced him to go when we both knew it was supposed to be just us. I'm usually outspoken towards my parents but I didn't want to further aggravate him, but I was fuming inside.
​
After the appt, we vist my aunt. I was too mad & finally called him out. I said something like, "Dad, you didn't have to drive us, we didn't even ask you & you made it seem like you FORCED you but we didn't. You could've just stayed home, no one invited you. She's the mother of your children, she's put up with you for over 20 years, don't you think she deserves some self-care? You don't even appreciate what she does for us!" I was near tears, he was quiet. My cousins & aunt were awkwardly sitting nearby, & after the silence everything proceeded as normal with some tension.
​
When I get into a fight with either of my parents, we forget or act like it hasn't happened by the next day or just avoid each other until we're over it. The car ride home was quiet & I listened to music.
​
The next day my dad confronted me, saying he didn't like the way I addressed him in front of our family like that, that it could've waited til we were alone. I said had I confronted him in our own home, he wouldn't have given my words a 2nd thought. It's true my mom works hard & deserves some relaxation, & he wouldn't have thought about it otherwise if he wasn't called out so blatantly about it. The fact that he brought this up the day after it happened proves my confrontation in front of the family worked, & that he did think about it. I just want him to better himself for my mom & their marriage in general (she often complains about his attitude but that's a diff. story) & I honestly don't think he is a good father figure in general, so I'm vocal about it. In the past, he's ignored my confrontations when it comes to my mom, &she isn't the submissive type so she does speak up but she gets tired of dealing with his attitude sometimes.
​
Was I wrong for calling him out in front of our family like that? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
X3qyo7wsCb2I4E0Of78RLkpqSwuVdq2v | b11jzt | {
"description": "expecting my wife to put her married name on her doctoral certificate, as opposed to her maiden name",
"pronormative_score": 122,
"contranormative_score": 380
} | AITA for expecting my wife to put her married name on her doctoral certificate, as opposed to her maiden name. | So my wife will be graduating dental school in May and she brought up to me that she would like to practice under our married last name but have her doctoral certificate in her maiden name. Not sure if that's even possible but that's not the concern. I feel as though it's kind of a betrayal to our unity because we have been married the entire time she has been in school minus her freshman year of undergrad and we have both sacrificed alot, surviving primarly on my income (understandably as im older and make significantly more as im already 10 years into my career, and she is in school), countless hours of flipping flash cards, and taking the majority share of housework so she could focus on schooling and her wanting to use her maiden name makes me feel like she isn't recognizing our joint sacrifice and contributions to get us there. I just don't want to walk into her office and people look at the certificate with her maiden name and assume we got married after all that work happened. We did this together and should celebrate it together.
She feels that since she works full time and goes to school full time, and has paid for the majority of her tuition she feels like she should take pride in her family's name and that I wasnt going to class with her that she deserve that recognition.
We have a very happy, long marriage and its more of a debate than a fight (actually posting this together) so let us know what you think. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 371,
"OTHER": 48,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 74,
"INFO": 16
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 122,
"WRONG": 380
} | WRONG |
nj8tmKFs5PLS0XlMJnISfYvjHx8BJa6L | aud72i | {
"description": "disobeying my boss",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA For disobeying my boss? | So this happened just a few hours ago and i feel I need some clarity. So a little background I work for quite a large company and am a slightly younger but talented professional, I usually don't get a chance to represent the company but however today I was chosen to over some of the more experienced members of the team. Also recently we as a company have struggled on some projects but most of the employees, myself included believe this is due to our bosses failings, he's quite new to the company and most of the issues seem to stem from poor planning and utilisation of staff.
So on to today.
I along with 10 colleagues would be competing with a rival who are viewed as one of the best company's in our field, all seemed to be going reasonably well considering some people had written us off from the start but then pretty much the end of the day is where things go wrong. So it had been a long hard day and we were just about at the conclusion and going head to head with our rival company in a decider when I suddenly don't feel great at which point my boss noticing this sends someone over to check on me, they give me a once over I feel ok to carry on and they leave me to it. However it's now my boss decides he doesn't want me to carry on so tries to send me away and replace me with a more experienced member of the team. I outright refuse to leave as I've been working my ass of all day and deserve this opportunity, my boss erupts in a fit of rage but I don't back down and he eventually does. However the kicker is that during my presentation I didn't perform as well as I thought I would ultimately we lost out to our rivals.
So Reddit am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
86CDKLjenlSwONpbGbXkPuggVkl7LTHo | b0aymu | {
"description": "telling my mum that I dont like my bedroom",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for telling my mum that I dont like my bedroom | Backstory: I go to my grandmas quite often and when I subconsciously keep the room tidy, but I have noticed when I am at home I dont give a shit about my room and it gets messy very quickly.
So today I was doing some homework and my mum comes in and asks 'why do you not want to help us?' I responded with 'what do you mean'. This goes on until I told her that I just dont like the room and that might be why I subconsciously leave it messy. She slowly starts to break into tears and say that me and your dad have tried our hardest to make this room as good as possible. And walked out the room in tears.
Now I am here wondering what to do, am I in the wrong? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 4
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 11
} | WRONG |
0IdqfmTy5HYWpcDOhTh0corKvFcmjkch | b8gbiw | {
"description": "really not wanting a dog",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For really not wanting a dog? | Hey, new account just cause I want to use a private one... Anyway, I live with my GF, who is amazing. We've lived together for several years and we get along great. We're totally on the same page on a lot of big issues - finances, work/life balance, we do chores together, etc rarely argue. We work together and compromise so well on so many things. She really is my best friend and I know that I'm hers -- i mean she really is the one.
There is one thing though we just don't see eye to eye on... This may seem kinda trivial, but she really wants a dog and I really don't. I never grew up with a dog so maybe I'm really not getting something.. The reasons I don't want a dog are first of all the responsibility, it would need to be taken care of, walked, fed, vet, etc (and as much as she says it will be "her" dog, I know it will ultimately be my dog as well and these will become joint responsibilities). Second, less freedom with travel, third I know it will make the house dirty and while I wouldn't say I'm a neat freak... all my friends with dogs have this kinda 'dog' feel to their house and I don't like it.
I don't see the positives of a dog. I understand for many people, a dog is a friend that will give you unconditional love.. but I have friends/family and of course her, all of whom I care about much more than I think I could ever care about a dog. To me a dog kinda seems like having a kid who will forever be a toddler. (As a side note, we both want a kid maybe 4 or 5 years down the road from now. I understand having a kid has all the same downsides, but the positive of it is that we'll get to bring a human into this world... if that kid was basically a toddler forever than NO, I would never want a kid... That's a dog to me!)
We've talked about this many times before, we do communicate really well, she gets where I'm coming from but I know she still really wants a dog. Like any big decision, she won't get a dog unless I'm on board. So I kinda am the one standing in the way of her love of dogs. Am I the asshole for not giving in?
tl;dr GF really wants a dog, I don't. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 11,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
aCwyCBuzgoZvGYqKbpzrYbW9HJVZgEA3 | 9zsiyn | {
"description": "using my husband's ethnicity to avoid Thanksgiving",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 15
} | AITA for using my husband's ethnicity to avoid Thanksgiving? | I decline invitations to Thanksgiving dinners (whether my family's or a coworker's) by saying "[husband] is Native American, so we don't do Thanksgiving."
While it's technically true that he is, it's not the real reason for declining. I'm not a fan of social engagements, especially with the potential for fighting of religion and politics at holiday meals.
I've just found it damn convenient that no one asks follow-up questions or tries to talk me into attending. It's like a "get out of jail free" card for dinners. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 15
} | WRONG |
XMCNGYmlDi32Iqbo3QPQeEAnF7Me0Psk | aotn66 | {
"description": "telling my sister in law to fuck off",
"pronormative_score": 109,
"contranormative_score": 66
} | AITA for telling my sister in law to fuck off? | It was my brother's birthday yesterday and I was asked by my brother if I wanted to join a birthday dinner between him and his wife. I kindly declined because I had came home from work and did not want to go out, because of how tired I was. I was planning on be attending his birthday party the day after which is tonight and they both knew that.
Half an hour later I check my phone and I see that I received a text from my sister in law which said the following: "It's your brother's 30th birthday. Get your ass up. Get dressed and we will pick you up in 30 minutes. I dont even want to hear it. Dont be rude. Have some respect for your brother."
Am I the asshole that my blood boiled so hard after reading this text message that I texted back to her "Fuck off." to which she replied: "Excuse me? Have you lost your mind? How dare you even speak to me this way?"
She is 1 month pregnant and my brother flipped off on me and told me that I am wrong and she is pregnant. I'm not a female but being pregnant does not mean you have a right to be a fucking cunt and talk to me like a child. Just a quick backstory - She has insulted my mother on my mothers birthday before and straight up talked shit about my parents onf facebook. I'm just so irritated by this event and nobody is on my side.
Tl:dr - I said no to coming to my brother's birthday dinner because I was tired after work but I was going to the party the day after. I get a text from my sister-in-law talking down to me like I am a child to which I replied "fuck off" | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 105,
"EVERYBODY": 49,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 109,
"WRONG": 66
} | RIGHT |
pAryrkz2RvyAl9nMkxmPrIPzVElyw2pj | b8alnq | {
"description": "telling my dad about my brother's affair with a married man",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 23
} | AITA for telling my dad about my brother's affair with a married man? | Hiya, assholes -- I'm having a conundrum and would appreciate a reality check re: whether I'm in the wrong here. Tl;dr at the bottom.
So: my twin brother [21M], David, has been using Grindr to hook up with guys, for about a year. He's unfortunately had bad experiences -- not anything concerning, more stuff that bruised his pride. This changed six months ago when he told me about his new guy, Greg. Greg, according to David, is great! Greg lives close by and takes David out on real dates! And...Greg is also a 40-year-old. Who is married.
This, of course, begat a lot of questions, namely: do Greg and his wife have an open relationship? (David said he wasn't sure, which I took to mean "no, Greg's wife has no idea.") Are you planning on continuing to see Greg? (Yes, "although we both know it's not going to last forever.") And my brother asked me not to tell either of our parents, especially not our dad.
The thing is, David and Greg's "I swear this isn't long-term"...is becoming long-term. I've felt this is not a good idea, bc a) it is shady when a 40-year-old man wants to date a man half his age, and b) I'm morally opposed to cheating. The last conversation I had with David was 2 weeks ago. I asked if he was still seeing Greg and if he had romantic feelings for Greg, and when David replied yes to both, I couldn't take it anymore. I told David that I thought this was a bad idea, that he was hurting someone (Greg's wife), that it was shady, and so on. David insisted that "age is just a number" (no, really), and that he and Greg will keep seeing each other. He was also very condescending about how he 100% knew what he was doing.
I got to my dad's house, pissed, and my dad asked why. I told him everything above, partly bc I was pissed and bc I needed advice. My dad took it calmly (basically "this is a bad choice David is making, but he's an adult") until I told him that David had once let Greg into dad's house. Dad flipped out. He calls David and tears him one for "violating the privacy of *my* house w/o telling me". David apologized and was genuinely remorseful. Next day, David asked me how much I told our dad. I lied and said I only mentioned David had brought a hookup by once. In reality, I had given dad all of the info, including the fact that Greg lives in our dad's development. And recently, dad told me he's learned what house Greg lives in (he saw my brother's car parked in a different spot than normal, and when asked, David made up some weak excuse). Dad has also informed me that he's decided it shouldn't go on; he plans to tape a notice to Greg's door saying "Married people shouldn't cheat on their spouses." In dad's mind, either Greg's wife will find out or Greg will get paranoid and stop seeing David.
Tl;dr: brother is seeing a married man twice his age, told me not to tell our dad, but I did, and now my dad is scheming to get them to stop seeing each other. AITA for lying to my brother, and WIBTA for letting my dad do this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 23
} | WRONG |
awewvibOipZdGyD3uBZIxKvJCYyxUN6g | ava7ha | {
"description": "kicking my brother out of my car",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for kicking my brother out of my car? | Throw away since i value my privacy. Forgive the formatting I've had a few to drink.
​
So last week I went up to see my parents in Alabama. It had been a few months since i'd seen them and wanted to hang out and have some nice home cooked food. during the 6 hour car ride my mom texted me and asked me to pick up my brother along the way. I groaned but obliged seeing as how it'd be the first time the entire family was together in over a year.
​
For context my brother is a complete shithead. He's been in and out of jail since he turned 19 and refuses to hold down a job for more then a week. My dad pays for his apartment and all he does is smoke weed. I didn't want to deal with him but like I said mom asked me to do it and I can't say no to her.
​
I picked him up and all was well for about 15 minutes till he lit up a cigarette in my truck. I politely explained to him that this was my vehicle and I didn't want him smoking in it. He replied with "It's just one dude it won't stick" Once again I told him to put it out (this time not so politely) He basically told me to fuck off saying "It's freezing cold and raining, I'm not gonna get soaking wet because you can't handle a little smoke". So at this point I did what I assumed to be completely rational and told him "If you don't put that cigarette out right now im kicking you out of my truck." He declined. So I pulled over to the side of the interstate. Turned off my truck and took the keys with me ( I wasn't about to have him drive off) I went over to his side and ripped him out. He started punching and kicking me but I wasn't having any of this. I threw him out of my truck onto the side of the road and drove off. My parents called me about 5 minutes later screaming about how could I kick my brother out in the pouring rain. I turned around and went home.
​
I still don't regret doing it but i'd still like to know if I was in the wrong.
​
Tl;Dr my brother wouldn't put out his cigarette so I kicked him out of my truck in the rain | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
9edAILBNrxo85xWDE1Y3SB09W42wmMrG | b46vj2 | {
"description": "not wearing bridesmaid's dress",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 19
} | WIBTA for not wearing bridesmaid's dress? | My (lesbian) younger sister is getting married to a girl who is generally very sweet and family oriented, but can be at any given moment alarmingly obstinate. Where the wedding is concerned, my sister doesn't really care about the fine details, she just wants people to have a fun time and of course for her fiancee to be happy. Her fiancee, however, wants everything to be perfect, exactly the way she wants it.
I am in the bridal party, however, I was living abroad when the bridesmaid's dresses (all long and black) were ordered. I picked one and sent my mom my measurements so she could order for me. When she called the shop, they insisted she needed to order several sizes up as the dresses "run VERY small". I'm normally a size 4 but the shop convinced my mother to order a 12.
Now I'm back in the country and the wedding is nearly upon us. The 12 was, as expected, WAY too big. I've had it altered several times but it still looks like a sack of potatoes on me. I've now spent over $300 on this thing.
Trying to salvage the situation, I went through my mother and sister's closets and actually found a really classy long black gown my sister wore to her prom - it's a size 2 but it fits me like a glove. My mother sends my sister some pics asking if it would be ok for me to wear this instead of the bride-sanctioned tarp I am currently stuck with. As I said, my sister couldn't care less but she got a very firm "NO" from her fiancee; the dress was too different, it wouldn't look right in pictures, etc. Granted, it is a bit different from the official bridesmaid's dresses as the material on this dress is nicer and it's a deeper color black but nothing extreme. I figured being a bit different wouldn't be a huge deal as I am the maid of honor, and it'd certainly be better and far less noticeable than wearing the comically ill-fitting dress.
So, I've been told no, and my sister, not wanting to cause further drama will not put her foot down on this. The bridal shop will not refund or exchange the dress (apparently everyone signed an "all sales are final" form), which means I have to pay full price for a new one as well as expedited shipping to make sure it gets here on time for the wedding, AND I'll have to pay for any quick alterations it most likely needs. My new job doesn't start until just before the wedding, I've just spent thousands of dollars on my overseas move, it won't bankrupt me but this is not the sort of thing I want to be wasting money on especially because I will never wear any of these dresses again.
My mother did offer to pay for the second dress, but she has already spent far more on this wedding than was initially agreed so I really don't want to be adding to her own financial burden.
WIBTA if just wear the slightly different gown that actually fits me instead of buying yet another dress?
I just really don't want to hurt my sister, particularly not on a day that should be special to her. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 19
} | WRONG |
q3bJgMaVCbCFDknKlGmkS27hTi8Tsyjc | b0ada5 | {
"description": "causing a kid to have a bad grade in our group project",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for causing a kid to have a bad grade in our group project? | In our 8th grade geometry class, me and 2 other friends (let's call them A and B) decided to work on it together. We couldn't work on it at home, it had to be at school. A and I sit at the same table in math class and we decided to stay after school today to work on the poster. Friend B comes around and asks if we're coming after school to work on the project. We say no as a joke, then follow it up with a "just kidding".
After 7th period me and A head upstairs to the math room and work on it, and wonder why B isn't here yet. We eventually completed the entire project our teacher comes around and asks why B isn't here. A says we don't know, and the teacher asks if we're done. We are done, so we say yes, so the teacher says she'll mark off points for B.
We walk outside of the building and we find B playing with other friends. We asked him why he didn't come, and he replied with, "you said you weren't coming!" We told him what the teacher said and he got a little mad. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 11
} | WRONG |
bmr13ybEodBK8MCFQgr5qWQkmNGNB5fu | ave7bt | {
"description": "not wanting to share my food with my bestfriend and his new girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA to not want to share my food with my bestfriend and his new girlfriend ? | A bit of context here, me and my bestfriend are flatmate. Last October wasn't all great for me and I ended paying my rent late and had to borrow him a couple of bucks to eat. It should be noted that I did buy some food, but theres was a lot of times in this period where he saved me for hunger for a stretch. Since then I've been okay financialy and I paid back my friend generosity.
For the last month he hasn't really live here. He made a GF and went on a month-long coke binge at her place. Spending all his money. Now the food I have here came from my mom to help me concentrate on my studies (I'm doing linear algebra and calc 1 with a serious lack of math fundation). This monday he came back telling me he did not have money because he spent it all on coke. I was okay with that and just asked him to be reasonnable with my food.
In three days he ate 2 cheese brick, a whole plastic tray of cookie, 12 eggs, 4 bell pepper, almost all of my tofu and a couple other things.
This is what I ate in two fucking weeks and he and his girlfriend ate it in 3 days, laughing at me(not in a mean way) when he saw my obvious uncomfort seeing all he was eating, promising to buy more food later when he bought a 26oz of good rhum yesterday.
I don't have a problem helping him, not at all. But he know my financial situation and I've asked him to be reasonnable and he still ate that much.
I tried talking to him this morning, telling him that I was not feeling respected since he came back and I know him enough to know that he was pissed, he was generous with me when I had nothing, but I didn't bring some (gril)friends to eat the meagre we had. He's my bestfriend, and I love him. A part of me feel terrible, telling me that he will pay it forward someday and I know he will. But I still need to eat at the end of the week, literally. Am I the asshole ? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
NW1K7szv4fFlHRtzaarCgjoZtP87EfhA | b1m8o5 | {
"description": "thinking my girlfriend would be less attractive with a different color hair",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for thinking my girlfriend would be less attractive with a different color hair | My girlfriend told me she would potentially like to color her hair to something like pink or green. I feel really bad but I think I would find her less attractive if she were to do that.
I've always disliked really bright colored hair on people and for me personally, hair is a big part of attraction to a girl for me. I won't judge anyone for the color of their hair and I respect their choice but to me it doesn't look nice.
Of course I acknowledge she can decide what she wants to do with her body and hair, I just don't know if I'll be able to appreciate it. I feel really bad for that.
I told her how I feel about it and she asked me if I would be less attracted to her, and I couldn't really deny or confirm. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
7kJMIWQCh9SmUwGrsTScdUxo5WUg6nTQ | b6l4mg | {
"description": "yelling at my mom for throwing my computer",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for yelling at my mom for throwing my computer? | So recently we’ve been planning this trip to Seattle, WA, and the day of, we were all in a hurry to get ready. My mother, out of all of us, was definitely the most cranky, due to most of us kids forgetting to grab something or do something. When we were loading into the car, I brought my bag full of electronics to put in, now in my opinion, her response wasn’t warranted, but I placed my bag next to my seat in the back row, immediately after, she snatched it and said “I’m going to be stacking other bags there” and I said “Ok, where do you want it”, granted, I was kind of sarcastic, due to the way she was treating us all that morning. That comment made her tip over, so she chucked the bag on top of where I put it at first. Keep in mind the bag had a switch, laptop, DS, and phone inside of it. At that point I snapped as well and yelled “MOM you can’t just throw my computer around like you own it” she whispered “Get in the f**king car, you may not have a chance to play that computer.” Her reasoning was because I yelled outside in our neighborhood. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
dWMUEhw02FIeVcGOwDnrZlCGQYNILwhD | a34xd8 | {
"description": "going back on my agreement with my friend to buy a game together due to terrible reviews",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for going back on my agreement with my friend to buy a game together due to terrible reviews? | I don’t know if everyone here is familiar with the shitshow that is Fallout 76, but basically it’s turning into a consumer and legal nightmare. Before all this went down, I’d had decently high hopes for the game, and friend of mine who’d played a lot of Fallout 4 and loved it. I, on the other hand, had barely played it, didn’t own it, and this would’ve been my first Fallout game id owned. But then, release came around, and I have failed to find a single positive review. (In case you didn’t know, it’s gotten a 2-point-something out of 10 on metacritic. Ouch.) I decided that the game was not worth my 60 dollars (even though the price has already dropped twice), and that I wouldn’t get it unless things change and I begin seeing positive reviews. When I told my friend my decision, he got mad at me, and couldn’t believe I wasn’t going to blindly throw away my money for a game I wasn’t even hearing anything good about, even though we’d agreed we were going to play it.
I feel bad for going back on my “promise”, but I feel it’s justified in that at the end of the day, it’s my money, and I don’t think I would enjoy the game at all if the (20+) reviews I’ve seen are correct for the most part. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
ZoCSURJcrSngwouAHbYnhYVbK6Tqz08h | afytlc | {
"description": "not letting a kid in my class use my charger",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not letting a kid in my class use my charger | So I walked into 6th period, which is my computer class, and I usually take out my phone and charger to charge it on the computer. So I’m using my phone while it’s charging. And this kid in my class, who is a freshman I think and I’m a junior, takes my water bottle and flips it and then he looks at my screen see I have a high percentage and then asks me if he can use my charger. I then ask him if he doesn’t have one, he said no and he said that I had a high percentage so I wouldn’t need it and that I don’t need it. he told me he would ask other people before asking for mine. So he goes to ask and he only ask one person, then all of a sudden comes up behind me and puts hand on my shoulder and his head is really close to mine and he is looking at what I was doing on my phone. I ask him what he wanted and he said he wanted my charger, but I was annoyed at kid and I said no nicely and told to ask more people. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
OyW8fDRiAIluZ2ekXa7ZuIiiK60zcT6m | ba6kdc | {
"description": "telling my girlfriend that her sister is attractive but like a mom",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for telling my girlfriend that her sister is attractive but like a mom. | Before people flip out I wasn't making random comments about my girlfriend's sister. I used to be college friends with my girlfriend's older sister. And when my girlfriend and I started dating it was weird everyone was wondering why I didn't end up with her sister. There was no attraction just lots of comments.
And my girlfriend always wondered if I had something for her. Btw ages, I am 31 gf is 24, and her sister is 31. My gf was talking about how her sister is having a really hard time dating and what guys go for. I was supportive saying that she is a great person and any guy would be lucky to have her.
And she was like be honest is she hot? I wanted to be honest but not make my girl insecure so I said best way I could. I was like she is attractive, she has the whole hot mom/milf vibe going on.
My gf AGREED! Then later she had a phone call with her sister and she told her what I said. And her sister thought of me as an asshole calling her old. That I was "too good for her" wtf? I don't even get this I get she is insecure cause she went through a breakup but lashing out on me? I think its ridiculous | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
tvQ2hxxyUN04ldpSChDm8nnE5WO3b7ZT | aiovr2 | {
"description": "not going to my best friends out of country wedding",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | WIBTA for not going to my best friends out of country wedding? | I have a very, very small circle of friends. My best friend wants to have a destination wedding in Mexico, and asked if I would be the best man. It is about a year away.
Thing is, my wife and I don't have passports, and at the time of the wedding our son is barely going to be a year old. When I told him I am honored to be his best man, but with our new baby and the finances of the whole trip I am not sure if I can swing it.
He offered to co-op the cost of the tickets for my wife and I but I would feel guilty as hell for accepting money, and on top of that I would still have to pay for a hotel, rental car, a baby sitter, etc.
Am I(or would I be) the asshole/bad friend for declining? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 15,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
Xc9Wo58mD4F79huCCv9BubYO3kyH7Nu8 | b6np7a | {
"description": "trying to engage in meaningful conversation",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA - For trying to engage in meaningful conversation | I try my best to be aware of how I’m coming off when chiming in on conversations but I’ve had people tell me it’s annoying sometimes, or that I’ll over explain details at times and it ruins the conversation. I’ve even been accused of “mansplaining” when all I’m trying to do is add information I’ve gained through research to the discussion. I don’t hear it all the time but I don’t really want to offend anyone. I feel like either I have to sit out and not add to the conversation like a bump on the log or that I might be misunderstood when I do chime in.
The most recent example I can think of is when a couple of my friends got together with our girlfriends and we somehow got on the subject of genetics. I got excited because I’m a 4th year bio/chem major that plans on going into a masters or higher in the medical field. I’m not a PhD but I have at least some credible knowledge on the topic. My friend’s girlfriend was talking about something she read online about genes that wasn’t entirely accurate or inaccurate and I filled in the gaps of why it didn’t work the way she understood it too. It got a little heated because she was vehemently defending this article she read when from what I can tell they weren’t going real in-depth because it was meant for the layperson. She was offended and thought I was just telling her she was wrong and then accused me of mansplaining when really I was just trying to help since she herself said she was a little confused before I chimed in.
I mean I guess I could have just tried to be polite and gave in and said it worked the way she thought it did for the sake of the group but then the group would have been misinformed.
My girlfriend calls me Wikipedia btw and she thinks it’s cute and actually refers to me for info all the time so maybe I’m just overthinking it.
AITA???
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
GOm3LxWh8WcrH1rvoGiZdiuPn9buXaXz | b99afi | null | AITA for snooping | Obligatory mobile warning so the formatting is probably bad as well as first time poster.
As of lately my (now ex) girlfriend of 1.5 years and I have been having relationship problems. We are both college students. She has always held a substantial amount of male friends, so this time was nothing different.
The gist of the relationship was I started negligent (I was in one serious relationship prior) and have been building upon myself to be better. She was always better with the relationship prior to our recent problem. After the arguments we had a complete flip in attitudes. Since then my friends have warranted me that her behavior became sketchy to say the least.
The main problem started when she spent more time with the new guy. My now-ex and I would talk on Snapchat, and i had an awful habit to always check the GPS map. It wasn't to check on her but to see what my friends were up to. A few days ago I checked the map and noticed she wasn't in class even though I know her schedule. I confronted her about it and she lied to me.
Cut to now I check her phone and found that she just started cheating on me not long ago.
AITA for snooping. She has always blamed me for not trusting her since the new guy came around. She blamed me for catching her in her lies. What do you people think? AITA or do you think my actions are justified? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
fcNK8HCu0X7PV3c58QfUGaBzBoCMjDn8 | apm226 | {
"description": "giving direct answers when customers come to me for it inquries",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for giving direct answers when customers come to me for IT inquries? | Apparently I'm an asshole for this and I do it all the time.
TLDR/BLUF: Today I'm pulled into my manager's office to review some of our feedback surveys and apparently I'm the asshole for giving people the absolute bottom-line up front without some song and dance where I pretend to try to extract the data for 3 or 4 days.
I am a quasi-supervisor for a help desk that supports about 5000 people. By quasi-supervisor I mean that I'm senior to everyone in the help desk, they report to me for security related stuff because I'm not help desk - I am cyber security, I have about a decade more experience running a help desk than anyone in the help desk, and my management expects me to step in and help out when the help desk workers are scratching their heads over an issue or there is some sort of conflict between our customers and one of our help desk workers. I guess you could say I'm the unofficial help desk supervisor.
I have customers that come in with actually impossible problems. A recent flood of requests has been customers coming in with laptops that were imaged for a "partner" network to work solely on said partner's network so that our customers (employeed by the same organization I work for) could work on the partner network while they were on said network. It was the only way to get the partner to allow our hardware onto their network. Fine. This partner network is on the other side of the planet from our office. The image sets up bitlocker to encrypt the hard drive's contents in the event the laptop is stolen.... The data cannot be retrieved by "slaving" the drive in another computer. The partner image completely disables external storage of any type and the use of any disk or floppy drives to extract data - literally the only way to get data off of computers with this image is by connecting it to our partner network and using their network services to get it out of their network. It's secure because it is supposed to be and designed to be that way for a variety of reasons.
This level of security is something that many of the IT leaders in my organization and our partner organization and myself have discussed. We all have also discussed our data back up solution for when people come back to our location and must have their laptops reimaged.. It's all been verified and this is absolutely the only method that is permitted and possible. So before you go, "Well, I'm in tech and you could..." - stop right there because we've already thought about it and it doesn't work. The partner image will not work on any network but theirs - you cannot plug it in at home or on our network or at starbucks - the image WILL NOT get a network connection. No use of external storage such as USB, eSATA, CD/DVD, floppy (3.5 in or 5.25 in), zip drives, tape drives, secondary hard drives (our laptops only have one SATA port anyway). We even thought about somehow virtualizing our customer's laptops and putting them into VMWare - no dice. Our partner has their shit LOCKED DOWN. I'm actually kind of jealous.
Due to seemingly excessive security measures in place, we informed our customers that were preparing to come back that they would need to back up their data to our cloud storage in order to retain it and that our help desk has zero capability of restoring data off of this image once they returned to our office location. We blasted this information out over and over and over again. When our help desk wasn't blasting the information out, our ENTIRE EXECUTIVE TEAM blasted it out and forced their managers to blast the information out. Many that had data that they wanted listened. A small handful did not. Our help desk was super helpful in assisting those that didn't understand how to use our cloud storage back their data up - a lot of people used said assistance - our feedback surveys showed that they were not only extremely satisfied by the service but they were also extremely satisfied by the professionalism and courteousness of our help desk workers.
A few weeks into people returning to our office (we had about 3,000 employees overseas at our partner site) we start getting people coming to us explaining that they didn't back up their data and they wanted us to back it up for them. Their laptops are still on the partner image.
After the very first instance of this that we had where our help desk worker spent about 30 man hours dedicated in an futile attempt to try absolutely everything to get the data off, I instructed the help desk to send anyone requesting such a service to me so I could explain that we cannot realistically get any data off of their computers short of flying the person with their laptop back to the partner's location and connecting the laptop to their network and having them upload their data to our cloud storage like they should have done while they were on location. I end up talking to about 20 people about this - many try the "but there has to be SOMETHING you can do" and the always loved tactic that I call "keep going higher in the organization until I find someone that knows how to do it or can force the lazy people at the help desk to to it".
So, am I the asshole for skipping all the song and dance when I know the customer has made an absolutely impossible request and instead just telling them the bottom line? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
Fztx2QqaNFNnPTGNXoYRwfHlAn4sJISV | b0fkwi | {
"description": "not telling my in laws that we are selling our condo and full time rving",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not telling my in laws that we are selling our condo and full time RVing? | A little back story, my (35 f)in laws are crazy. They were scary over protective of my wife (27 f) when she was growing up. In fact, even to this day she finds out just how “not normal” her family was when she sees how other families work.
Her parents are both alcoholics and smoke more weed than I can imagine... and my wife has gone through years of therapy to try to work through the insanity of her childhood. No physical abuse, but a shit ton of emotional and psychological abuse. Her parents would never go to therapy, but if they did we are both convinced her mom would officially be diagnosed as borderline.
Are we horrible for not wanting to tell them we bought an RV, our condo will sell in the next few weeks, and are going to be traveling full time? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Jac6pBAe49XAPIOYGnbyvd6V3ep5NRUm | b4n5xr | {
"description": "wanting to revoke my attendance at this bachelorette party completely",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to revoke my attendance at this bachelorette party completely? | Background: Alyssa and I have been friends for 10 years. We don’t see or talk often but naturally she wanted me to be a party of her special day as a bridesmaid.
Disclaimer: I am also in 2 other weddings between June 1 and July 29. One of which, I am the maid of honor.
I work a very demanding job, my schedule is very rigid/stringent and all my friends are aware of the demands of my job. In my opinion, I do a damn good job at attempting to balance this with my social life. I work every other weekend, holidays are assigned. We are limited to the number of weekends we can take off.
That being said......
Alyssa asked when a good weekend for a bachelorette party would be. I told her I am free the last weekend of April or the first weekend of May. I had already request off the first two weekends off to go on a vacation prior to any of this bachelorette talk — this is why the last wknd of April or first weekend of May would work for me. Great! We proceeded with the plannings.
Life happens and they had to change the bachelorette party to the third weekend. The reason is bc of the place they rented was avail on the third weekend, not the other weekends. No problem! Issue is, I will be scheduled to work that weekend. I made that very clear. Certainly not upset the weekend had to change but I just wanted to be clear that then it would be out of my hands to make it. I however did thoroughly explain the process of my work schedule, sent photos of the guidelines of how my scheduling works, and did my best to convey that once my schedule came out, I would try to find someone to cover me in whatever capacity I could. It’s not a matter of someone just covering me. It has to do with roles, etc.
They continued on in planning. No problem.
My work schedule was released yesterday for the bachelorette weekend. As expected, I’m scheduled to work. Seeing as the bach party is an hour and a half away, I did my best to pull some strings and get Saturday off. A full day of events out of two full day of events.
This conversation ensues: [1](https://i.imgur.com/LVcNob7.jpg), [2](https://i.imgur.com/ZTnA9r0.jpg), [3](https://i.imgur.com/fA7mnH7.jpg)
I can’t help but feel really heated right now. I almost just want to not even try to swindle the Friday off (it would be a 3 way switch so I’m asking 2 people to accommodate a switch) completely revoke my being available on Saturday and not go at all. My friends are saying they’re surprised I’m even trying to go one full day.
AITA?! | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
YRdNOGDCHgH3JH5ZPlcPBtabtulCTmAn | 9zvglm | {
"description": "calling my mom selfish a week before Thanksgiving",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for calling my mom selfish a week before Thanksgiving? | Aunt announces she is throwing a Thanksgiving party 2 weeks before the event.
Asked my mom if she is going to go she said no because she wants to go Black Friday shopping instead. (Black Friday starts on Thursday for Oklahoma,I don't know why,)
I called her selfish and almost yelled at her saying she prefers shopping over family.
She says it's the only time she has time to shop.
A week later my aunt cancels the party since she figured nobody would come.
Now I feel bad for getting mad at my mom and for nobody wanting to come to my aunts party.
So AITA?
Sorry for formatting I suck at storytelling. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
R6Dz8giwrOwqUHSmYWgRwjJaMeEn4KMw | aqidv8 | {
"description": "getting at my mom after repeatedly telling her to stop",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting at my mom after repeatedly telling her to stop? | My mom treats my room like it's hers, which technically it is, but I want some privacy in my room. She barges into my room without ever knocking and cleans my room for me. But I really want her to stop doing that. I want her to knock when she comes into my room and I want to clean my room myself. Whenever she cleans my room, something goes missing and it's not cleaned in the way I would have organized my room. I explained this to her and told her that I will clean my room from now on, and I asked her if she could knock before she comes into my room. She became very angry at me. She said that my room was her house, so she has the right to walk into my room whenever she feels like it and that she doesn't need to knock, and she told me that she's doing a favor for me by cleaning my room.
Also, she barges into my room multiple times a day for no reason. At least five times a day, she walks into my room, looks around, and walks back out. This really pisses me off because first of all, she doesn't knock and second of all, she walks into my room for absolutely no reason. I'll just be in bed watching Netflix and she walks in, and I look at her to see if she wants anything, then she just walks back out without a word. Maybe I'm being bratty, but it is really annoying when someone barges in and out of your room multiple times everyday.
Another thing I told her to stop doing is trying to make me hungry. I am trying to lose weight and I'm trying not to eat anything after school. I told her that, but she keeps tempting me with food. When I come back after school, she asks me "are you hungry" and I say no. Then she asks "are you really hungry" and I say no. Then she keeps asking me if I want to eat food until I eventually give in or I get angry and yell at her to stop. I know this sounds stupid, but it really pisses me off to the point I cry because I'm really trying hard to maintain my diet and she keeps pressuring me to eat even though I clearly told her I am trying to lose weight. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
bEbej5jd9YVlxKKKsNy0eXKyXwhVxWts | apt8pf | {
"description": "refusing to pick my ex up in his car because I need it for my Valentine's date",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA For refusing to pick my ex up in his car because I need it for my Valentine's date. | Back story:
My ex and I are still living together, divorce pending. He works away most of the week and I have the car. We only have one car because of the fact he was always away and it seemed pointless to have two cars. Since we broke up I've picked him up from 15 minutes away or 1 hour away, once or twice a week (UK so this is a long distance for us) and taken him back at sometimes 5am in the morning if he comes home mid-week. This is so that I can have the car.
Issue:
He is of the opinion I shouldn't make plans on Thursday (valentines) because he needs picking up.
It is his car (which technically it is) however, and here's the kicker, he wants to buy our house (joint names atm). I can't get a car because his credit will be affected. So, I am unable to get a car until that is sorted. It's valentines and I have a date 50 minutes away, my date hs only just started driving like two weeks ago and doesn't feel comfortable driving that far yet which is understandable. I have to leave before he gets home to avoid evening traffic, so I can't pick him up beforehand (which I have explained to my ex and he just gets annoyed).
My ex can have his father pick him up (15 minutes away) he's retired but has recently has gallstones and I know my ex doesn't want to bother him but there is also a taxi option. My ex will not use the car Thursday night he'll go home and play Xbox, (he doesn't need/won't use the car).
Additionally, when he comes home on a weekend so Friday and Saturday this weekend, he will take the car and not consult me on it at all. It leaves me stranded in a city with dire public transportation or taxis(expensive) which I have never bitched about. I get it, it's his car but I made plans and he has alternative options for this one night.
Am I'm just being an a-hole or not? | HISTORICAL | {
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XbsoGXuAlSm1AZrgSS1RR1Wg2UKcG4VI | ajo7yu | {
"description": "forgetting my best friend's wife's birthday",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 23
} | AITA for forgetting my best friend's wife's birthday? | Last week I got an angry text from my best friend because it was his wife's birthday and I forgot to text her a happy birthday message. She's a close friend of mine and I should've remembered but I think that they blew it out of proportion. My friend said that his wife spent all day in bed crying because no one reached out to her to say happy birthday. She had a falling out with her family which is understandable because they're abusive assholes. And her in-laws aren't that great either.
But I feel like they think I was single handedly responsible for ruining her birthday. I mean she's 30, not 5 years old. Birthdays shouldn't be this big of a deal to full grown adults, right? I texted her happy birthday after my friend yelled at me but she never replied to me. My friend is giving me the silent treatment. I think this is ridiculous and I don't see why I should apologize. She always remembers my birthday and she sends me gifts but I'm not the type of person to make a big deal out of birthdays... I think she should be mad at HER family and her in-laws, not me. AITA though? I will apologize to her if you find me guilty of being an asshole. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 18,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 23
} | WRONG |
rpCEL6IBt9LJ25X14i8SLssFqpRRfRCS | a525y5 | {
"description": "getting upset at my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting upset at my girlfriend? | My girlfriend and her friend signed up for an after school activity recently, and realized they needed my help with a large aspect of it. I was told we are all volunteers and I was more than happy to help. However, the workload ended up being divided so I handle half and my girlfriend and her friend handled the other half. This was fine for a while but then my girlfriends friend started hardly showing up and when she did she wouldn’t do anything. I didn’t feel like it was my place to say anything but she just would not do any work and it upset my girlfriend. So I would stay and try to help as much as I could with the work from their half.
At this point I wasn’t considered a “coach” because I was not listed as such on the paper from the start of the season, but I was acting in full capacity as the coach. So when it came to the competition, we were only allowed to have two coaches, so I had to switch shirts and not participate in judging because my girlfriends friend was acting as the second coach. I did not say anything at the competition but i was upset because I couldn’t participate in the event I had worked hard in as a team member.
Then we find out that the coaches are getting paid, but I am not. Now I originally volunteered for this position, but hearing that her friend is getting paid and I’m not just really upset me, and I know it shouldn’t but it does. I told my girlfriend about everything and she said it isn’t a big deal to not wear the shirt or buttons and I’m overreacting. She offered to split her pay but that’s not the point. I guess my question is AITA for being upset about this whole situation. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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} | RIGHT |
gRzkwO5RMQLJqRC1tp8C2s3qysLHzVIE | awpnnm | {
"description": "not sharing my reddit",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not sharing my Reddit? | Partner is always asking what I'm up to on my phone, usually just give the standard response of reading Reddit.
He keeps pressing what I'm reading and the threads I'm reading.
Am I the asshole for not sharing this information? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
FSuMMaPvrVayVYtpiXGVsx6Qr1V7km1Y | al29y1 | {
"description": "wanting my university to close for the weather",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AItA for wanting my university to close for the weather? | (feeling like I post here too much, sorry)
The predicted temperatures and windchills are in the - 30s for the next few days. That being said, no one in their right mind would really want to walk around a campus because it didn't close. Just about everyone has a 10-minute walk from class-to-class, including staff. It doesn't seem ridiculous to ask for 2 days of no classes.
The argument is that we should dress for it, or just not come. But how does one dress for such low temperatures never seen before by this region? And many professors take graded attendence. So missing a class or to "just 'cause" could actually affect grades by a letter or so. Unless there are no classes.
I just don't feel that I should be paying thousands of dollars just to have my safety and wellbeing so flippantly disregarded.
So am I the asshole, here?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
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"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
TYwO1bpsqhOwNBiG1tKmfB0GfxZALzNS | b0cpgo | null | AITA Ex sister in law is down and out but I won't help | So while I was married to my ex, his sister lived with us for a while. She and her 2 young daughters lived with us in our outbuilding, which is converted to a bar, for about 3 years.
The place had plumbing and a small stove, so she could be pretty much self sufficient and not bother us too much.
Once her financial position changed, she was able to move on. When I say her financial position changed, she won a settlement of approx $250 000 (not my currency, but approx to USD value) from a medical malpractice lawsuit that she won.
I didn't see a cent of that. That was about 6 years ago.
Fast forward to now: I'm divorced from her bother and live in the house we used to share. She has contacted me to ask if she can live in my outbuildings again. Shes pissed away the money she had, has a daughter to support and I should help her because I'm her only support!!
I've been divorced from her brother, who now lives in another country, for 5 years. The building she used before currently has no plumbing. There is no way I'm allowing her to come into my house to stay. I have 2 teenagers who need their independent space.
She's not a nasty person at all, but I don't feel like its my responsibility to take care of her.
AITA if I don't want my ex's sister living with me while she's trying to get back on her feet?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 39,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 41,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
JYapfbkJOGJ9fvJjT6lrGft0FTauaBK6 | afaalm | {
"description": "not wanting to go clothes shopping with my mother",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to go clothes shopping with my mother | Mobile formatting ahead:
I’ve been back from college on break, and I’ve decided that I need some new dress clothes. I would ideally need a suit, but I’ve procrastinated and it’ll have to wait. I don’t know exactly what I’m looking for, but I know of a few stores to go to and a general idea of what I want. My mom has come along in the past to help, but I feel like I’m old enough to buy stuff like this by myself. My mom has already been in an angry mood because of unrelated stuff, so the entire trip would be miserable. She even told me she isn’t an expert, but has offered to come along in a kind of forceful way.
Would I be an asshole for telling her I don’t want her coming along to shop for clothes with me? It may sound stupid I guess, but I feel like I’m being rude by not letting her come | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
OCHr8jyYzILPWORjQSaM2MMvE4NVh5zT | aypygt | {
"description": "yelling at a guy for parking too close? what is too close",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for yelling at a guy for parking too close? What is too close? | This probably dwarfs in comparison to some of the things I see in here but I gotta know redditors, how close is too close? This guy was 1 inch (maybe less) off my front bumper, so I called the guy a freaking cocksucker and got a little assholeish. I mean I can't choose how far the guy in front of me parks, because he wasn't there when I pulled in. Personally if I can't leave a good foot in front and back then shit is too close. Am I crazy here? Can I have some room to get out. I shouldn't have to move back and forth 3 times or more to get out. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
PGmt3QSkr5njo3qkHhPiVzoRIrAumJl6 | b9s0ap | {
"description": "asking if I could buy my neighbors car",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I asked if I could buy my neighbors car? | My neighbor is a really nice lady and had a red Mercedes that her son wrecked. He drifted into a lamp pole and it ruined a tire and the back right side of the car.
I asked my parents if I could ask if I could buy it from her and they said sure but it would be rude of me.
Would it be rude? Am I missing something? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"OTHER": 6,
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"NOBODY": 2,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
RlFF2DryXF9PRLgkE7W5HCKaUcuHOsc3 | arxx2l | {
"description": "not being happy for my boyfriend getting a job",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not being happy for my boyfriend getting a job? | My boyfriend has been struggling for a while. He dropped out of school and has been looking for a job. He got a job in Greece (we live in Sweden) and he was supposed to be there for 6 months. At first I was really upset about not being able to see him for 6 months,but I eventually got over it and I was getting ready for him leaving. We agreed on times we would talk and stuff like that.
But yesterday I was hanging out with one of his oldest friends and we started talking about Greece and all that. She then told me that he told her that he was probably going to be in Greece for over a year but that he was to afraid to tell me. He’s been knowing all this time that he was going to be there for over a year but told me 6 months so I wouldn’t get so upset.
I went to his apartment and asked him out about it. He told me his plan was to tell me after 6 months that he was going to be there for 6 more months so that I would already be used to him being gone since he knows how upset I was about him going for just 6 months.
We started fighting. I was crying and told him that I was really upset with him lying to me and that I felt like it was an asshole move of him to just take of and let me think that it was only going to be 6 months but then tell me later that it was going to be for a year. He didn’t understand at all why I was mad and he got super mad at me because he felt like I wasn’t happy for him finally getting a job.
The thing is,i am happy for him. I’m proud of him. However,i am upset for him lying to me. We are still so young (I’m 16) and I’m not ready for having a distance relationship for a whole year. I was barely okay with 6 months,and now a year? I’m still young. I wanted a simple relationship. I want to be able to explore things.
So,am I the Asshole for getting mad? Should I be happy for him instead? | HISTORICAL | {
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5iGbv1nHi3X487qV5vPEuGCFFuAZ5RbO | ac4xj5 | {
"description": "not carrying a suitcase to the 3rd floor",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not carrying a suitcase to the 3rd floor | I was walking down the street and a woman (in her 20ies) was unlocking her front door and asked me if I could carry her suitcase to the 3rd floor for her. It was really big but not impossible for her to carry. I said no. My reasoning was that it would be a major inconvenience for either of us but I don't see why it should be for me. Don't get me wrong, if it was my friend or someone I would have offered but I don't like when people (women) expect me to do stuff which they could do themselves.
That being said she was really friendly and cool about me saying no, but I still wonder Am I the Asshole :)
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 6,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
GEdWxihzB2yWk4kRF3B42MPq7CWLZQn4 | avgpzo | {
"description": "taking all the credit for a group project",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA to take all the credit for a group project? | Background: Last week my girlfriend needed help with decorating the (school) hall with stuff for the month. I said no because I was really hungry ( she was working during lunch) so I went to eat.
Now, we are working on a science project for school. We need to do research and write 4 pages of info. We have 3 days. 2 for research, 1 for making the poster with all the info and other stuff. I write 1,2 and 4, because she was messing around for the first 2 days, and I tell gf to write page 3. she writes a small amount. The project was due today but we spent all 3 days doing research because i had to do most of it alone. I ask her to help me do the poster during lunch, and she agrees. We go up to our school art room (we go there anyways for lunch everyday with our other friends) to do the project. She instead shows one of our friends the first episode of an anime leaving me to do the poster alone. I end up finishing with 2 min left of lunch. She says a quick sorry and that's it. I want to hand it in now and tell my teacher that I did most of the work and have my gf get a worse grade, But I don't want her to be mad. I know its an A-Hole move to do, but during the research I kept asking and asking, and today while making the poster, she was literal feet from me while I did it alone. I want her to know that that's not fair and she should be punished. Its not even a huge projects but its the principle. I'm not sure what to do. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
X4aDdm55nOI6zdCFpbz29Mg51eZlwzAd | 9vbgqo | {
"description": "asking my wife to clean up after herself",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking my wife to clean up after herself? | So my wife and I have been married for 3 months and she just entered treatment for an eating disorder/alcohol abuse disorder. She's in treatment for 10 hours a day and in the meantime I'm working and taking care of our son. I've been really stressed with work and being temporarily a single parent and I haven't been cleaning the house.
She has a bad habit of leaving clothes on the floor everywhere, in our room, in the closet, on the dining table, etc. She is progressively detoxing from alcohol so still has a drink at night. Last night she left her drink at our son's place at the table so it was there when he sat down for breakfast this morning, which really upset me.
I asked her this morning to please find some time to clean up after herself (I asked politely but it was obvious from my face I was upset). She got really angry that I was "putting my expectations on her" while she is in treatment.
So I'm I the asshole for asking this and should she get a free pass on cleaning her mess while she's in treatment? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
5oKdg7Hpt6857XM2CGuiLjWNV1ilhLpY | as74wl | {
"description": "not letting my housemates get a dog",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not letting my housemates get a dog | I’m currently a 3rd year college student living in an off campus apartment. It’s two bedrooms so in order to save money I share one room with my friend and we let a couple (a guy who also goes to the college and a girl who doesn’t work or go to school) have the other room to split the cost.
They mostly keep to themselves but one night they come back to the apartment and the guy is holding a puppy. Now we had never talked about getting a dog before so I really confused with what was happening. I then had to go run an errand, but when I came back I found out that my bike had gotten stolen from the bike rack outside.
At this point I was heated, so I came back to the apartment to ask some questions. I asked the guy since the girl doesn’t really talk to us, how he thought it was ok to get a dog without asking me or my friend.
He responded by saying, “we’ll it wouldn’t be your dog so don’t worry about it, we’re just going to keep it in our room.” I also found out that it was a 13 week old Rottweiler puppy, a breed which is not allowed in the terms of our lease, which I pointed out. At this point I’m yelling saying how we never agreed to having a dog at any point and I admittedly should’ve kept my cool a bit more.
The next morning the guy texts me and my roommate saying that the dog is “going away” while we hash things out, while his girlfriend also went to her grandmas because she was “scared” of me. Eventually me and my roommate find out that the couple had taken out a $2000 loan to get the dog in the first place which is why they couldn’t just return it. When the dust settles, I told them that I refused to keep this dog around on principle and worry for it’s wellbeing being kept in a single apartment room all day and night and that I don’t trust them to take care of it.
Long story short, the dog gets removed from the picture, but the girlfriend says she’s going to kill herself because she didn’t get her “emotional support animal” that she desperately needs because she’s lonely. This was all over the span of Presidents’ Day weekend and at this point I don’t know what to do. I don’t want this girls emotional baggage and mental health to be on me not letting them keep a dog that me and my roommate didn’t ever agree to. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
g8q0BB9ZjWz7KP4rEje5KiVccr6MPvDL | api4p5 | {
"description": "being annoyed at my friend after I said a line of cars was long",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for being annoyed at my friend after I said a line of cars was long? | context: Me and my friend were on a tram (like a mini train) to go home, I was getting a little irritated by the line of cars in the way and a conversation goes something like this:
Me = ... who knows?
F = friend
Me: This line of cars is quite long, huh?
F: Stop over-reacting
Me: How was I over-reacting? I just made a comment about the line of cars which was a little irritating.
F: you were reacting, therefore, you over-reacted.
Me: I was reacting so I was over-reacting? That just gave right to everything!
F: ?
Me: holocaust: Can't say anything! We are just over-reacting so we don't need to act! The deaths in the hands of Stalin: Nope! Don't matter, Not Our Problem!
then we somehow went into something philosophical? I dunno but that was the gist.
​
but now we have the age old question: AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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} | RIGHT |
IgQxJaqRFhvRcddQBzRnjc83O2rQK9zM | a5tf9n | {
"description": "overspending on my niblings presents",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for overspending on my niblings presents? | I know a lot of people will probably read the title and immediately think that I'm the asshole for making an obviously NTA post, but hear me out.
My family has an arrangement for the holidays that me and my siblings don't give gifts to one another and instead just buy presents for the kids. We don't have a money limit, but usually I'd say we spend around $50 on each kid. I bought their presents back in November, spending the amount that I usually do and I thought that was that. Then me and my boyfriend of 5 years broke up last week and while I was really depressed I ended up buying more presents for them (spending about $150 on each kid).
I've always loved Christmas, it's my favorite holiday, and I love giving gifts. I love watching them open their gifts all excited and then playing with them so I figured it would make me somewhat happy.
When I told my friend about this they suggested that I donate some of the toys to avoid making their parents and my other siblings feel bad. Their reasoning is that they probably don't have as much to spend on them and they would feel bad.
I don't think any of siblings are hurting financially, but I know I'm more well off than them since I don't have any kids and I've got a really well paying job. I was also planning on buying a house in the spring with my ex so I'm sitting on a pile of money there (not that I'm planning on spending it all).
AITA here and should I donate some of the gifts?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
BbraqQLEp2RDjYOAVmy8ghQh3sS2VEye | angbe3 | {
"description": "being petty to a friend causing others grief",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For being petty to a friend causing others grief? | As the title suggests, I called my friend out for taking the other side of the argument in a petty way.
There are multiple people involved, so I’m gonna give the first friend the title of ‘B’ and the second friend the title of ‘J’, the rest will be referred to as the group.
I’ve been friends with the group, B, and J since elementary school. There hasn’t been anything that gets in between us too harshly in between the years. Just some simple friend disputes of who gets what and all that, the normal stuff.
Throughout knowing B, he was a loyal friend of mine and the group. He was a friend that could be counted on for situations. Being a middle-man that would look at both sides of the conflict and find the best alternative to those involved. Fast forward to sophomore year of high school. He moved away, which-of course-made all of us pretty sad for the moment. We kept in contact using Discord and host a server for our friends to just chat around in.
Amongst the group, it is seen as a usual friend hangout, just dudes being dudes. There are some rules, but they are very flexible. They are in place due to previous arguments that have happened between some of the members of the group there.
B likes to have these rules seem like they are set in stone rather than sponge.
Enter in post-moving B, a sudden devil's advocate, who wears the title like a badge of honor. Over the years, B and I have grown apart, not to a horrible extent, we would still talk to each other and catch up, things were normal up until I posted a link to a gofundme for another friend in another group.
The link got deleted promptly, which made me upset because it was important to me. I check the audit logs to see who deleted it, and it was another friend from the group, not B. I asked him why he deleted it in the server, which started a whole argument between he and I. Later, B got involved. Calling me the A-hole in the situation because I didn’t take it directly to DM’s rather than the server and that I was stupid for doing so an hour after everything was settled between me and the other guy. I figured he was right and decided to just deal with it for the time being. When we elect another mod in the group, or when someone else comes into a power close to his, he gets extremely sad and will often leave the server.
I talked about it with other friends in the group, who I showed the messages from B, and they also mention that he has become rude over the years, the only one he has not been rude to is J. Leaving J as an ally on his end. J and I are good friends as well, until this point.
There were more things that B has done which I just bottle, but I got tired of it. In the chat, I mention in a petty and passive-aggressive tone that “anyone who assigns themselves the title of ‘devil’s advocate’ is just being a cunt with a title.” While I don’t mention B directly, I mean it towards him. Which, in turn angers J towards me as well because it caused B to leave the server. I’ve apologized to J so far, but I would rather not apologize to B because he causes everyone grief.
I would be the asshole in this situation I think because I tend to hold grudges over pet peeves. Like going against the grain without reason or purpose.
So I guess, am I the a-hole?
Tl;dr Long-time friend of mine has become rude towards the group, I called him out for being rude and always being on the opposing side in a petty manner, this angers another friend and I worry about the friendship being tarnished because we all suck at letting things go, especially as hot-headed teens. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | EVERYBODY | {
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N5bbGL0FxjlLXGWmDKQhJIDZXEqtvrEI | a1zq4l | {
"description": "saying \"wow\" when I saw a beautiful girl, even though I have a girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for saying "wow" when I saw a beautiful girl, even though I have a girlfriend? | Just quickly about me: 15 years old, boy, dumb af, have been dating my girlfriend for 2 months now and she's great. I am 100% confident I won't ever cheat on her.
However, I don't know why but if I see a friend that's a girl and she's dressed fancy or something I'll say things like "You look beautiful today," just to complement her. Now, there's one point you can judge me on, but that's not the main part.
Today, after my taekwondo class, I was waiting outside to get picked up. Friends pass by so I say "bye," and such, and then this girl (I don't even know her name but I interact with her every now and then at the dojo) passes by, I say "bye" as usual, and she responds with a "bye," but she goes back to the building after going to her car so I ask "did you forget something?" and she said "No, I'm going to change clothes on the bathroom." I just say "oh, ok" not thinking much of it.
Now here's the important part. I must say, she is beautiful even in her training clothes. But when she came back out of the building, I saw her and she stunned me how much more beautiful she looked in proper stylish clothes and a "WOW" just came out of me and I couldn't contol it. I explained saying "Sorry, it just surprised me how beautiful you look" and she awkwardly replied "Oh, it's fine. Thank you."
I felt bad after that... my girlfriend doesn't know and I'm not sure if she should know, but I just feel awful.
So, would I be the asshole if I didn't tell my gitlfriend what happened? Or would I be the asshole if I did tell her as she would be really upset? Or maybe I'm just an asshole for saying "wow, you look beautiful" to another girl... Maybe I wouldn't be an asshole if I tell my girlfriend honestly? But that will probably do more harm.. Now as I write this I really feel like an asshole
Tl;dr - I usually see this one girl in her training clothes but today I saw her in proper stylish clothes and a "WOW" came out of my mouth, even though I have a girlfriend who I would never cheat on. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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zzlFoCJpKsPpPP8GiSoaa3Or94I3fCyZ | an898i | {
"description": "wanting my uncle to take a lie detector test for what he did to me as a kid to get closure for myself",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting my uncle to take a lie detector test for what he did to me as a kid to get closure for myself? | So for starters this post is NOT to start any type of debate or any type of arguments within the chat. I’m simply here because I’ve been emotionally and mentally stressed about this situation for a while now and it is now causing issues for me in my day to day life (ex: migraines, nightmares, stress, insomnia). Keep in mind that I’m a first time poster so this may/may not be in the correct format and it may be very long.
So some background that is relevant to the story. I’m currently a twenty year old female who’s serving in the US military. Keep in mind this happened when I was seven or eight so it’s been a while back. My family and I lived in Alabama for a while before we moved to Georgia and then back to Alabama again. At this time I stayed with my grandmother a lot since my mother and father were both working and having some martial issues and I would always stay the night with my grandma and grandpa, along with my two aunts, uncle, and brothers and sister.
At the time of this taking place I was around seven or eight years old and my uncle was around sixteen or seventeen years old. I was over at my grandmas house in the summer and we had a big water slide out back to play with and a kiddie swimming pool. I was there with my uncle, my autistic brother, and two cousins. My uncle was charged with watching us and reapplying our sunscreen because we were little kids and couldn’t reach. While we were playing out in the water, my uncle called us over to reapply. He slathered it on my brother and two cousins quickly but took his time applying it to my legs and arms, and finally my chest. I didn’t think anything of it and scampered off when he was finished. When we were told to come back inside my uncle said I could change in his room. So I went to his room and he watched me change out of my swimsuit and into my underwear before asking me for a hug. I didn’t think anything of it hugged him immediately. He then laid me back on his bed and started touching me all over and blowing on my stomach and chest. (I’m not going any further than that just in case some readers here are sensitive to content such as this and so it won’t cause any bad memories for me). After all of this happened I continued changing and he left the room.
These interactions continued on for six months undetected after it started and he continued to touch me and make me do things to himself as well. He would always tell me not to tell anyone afterwards and if I did that he wouldn’t love me anymore and that he would hit me very hard. After an interaction occurred I didn’t feel very well and I told my mother what had happened and what I had done with my uncle. She screamed at me and sent me to my room for lying about my uncle and I cried the entire night because I was telling the truth. A few years passed and I was 12 years old. The interactions weren’t as frequent now, but they would always begin if he asked if I wanted to go out somewhere alone with him. My grandmother and I were sitting in the living room and watching television when my uncle came in and asked if I wanted to go swimming. For some reason, and still to this day I don’t know why, I started bawling my eyes out and hyperventilating. My grandmother asked what was wrong and I told her what had happened when I went out with my uncle and what he was doing to me. She was absolutely furious, but not at my uncle, at ME. She screamed and yelled at me to go to a room and told me to stop being such a filthy little liar. She called my mother to come pick me up because she couldn’t handle her “little disgrace” of a granddaughter anymore. I was sent to my room that evening with no supper and a harsh spanking from my mother to “stop telling these lies”.
We eventually moved away from my grandma and I joined the military. My grandma and I reconciled with each other, my uncle married and divorced and married again and now has four beautiful children who I love dearly.
However, no matter how hard I try, I keep thinking about how unfair it is that this scenario turned out this way. Now that I’m older, I want to go back and talk to my mother and grandmother and tell them that it wasn’t a lie and that I was indeed telling the truth. I know this happened when I was little, and I don’t want to ruin my uncle’s career and his family, but I’ve been talking to a therapist and he says that those situations have held me back as an individual and that I need to find closure if I am to ever find peace. I don’t want to come off as a bad person by wrecking a marriage and a man’s career, but I want him and I to take a lie detector test so that the truth can finally be told to my family and so I can finally get some closure, regardless of what the test results may be.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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5NFFlmVFeqY4cCf4VMRLULXoqqPqM4nb | ax2e4p | {
"description": "wanting away from my mom",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting away from my mom | Before I say anything, I love my mother and am thankful that she at least tried when I was a child. But there are some things that honestly make me want to get away from her. I'm also sorry for it being so long. I needed to get this off my chest.
Basically severely sheltered me during my entire childhood...and things got worse when she remained. Whenever they'd argue and I'd try to say something, or she'd just ramble on about the fight for however long and I said anything that didn't make me agree with her..she'd go off on me and basically hound me and say that my step dad is brainwashing me. As if i don't have a mind of my own. Will also freak out and think he's leaving and makes me stressed.
Saying every single time that I'm wrong and doesn't even say anything when he comes back. The same thing will happen after every argument. Trying to say every detail and attempt to make me agree with her. But when I just need to talk about something bothering me once in a while she tells me she's too stressed.
She would simply waste money on too much food, trying to care for my lazy step dad, get him crud and pay bills. There were many times that I was turned away from my doctor& dentist bc we couldn't pay. At one point, in 9th grade, a teacher who helped the special needs kids in the pe class ended up getting me a coat since I had no coat that fit, and we couldn't get one.
I ended up being forced out of college a month in because of an issue. At the time I had some threats of harm towards me, ended up being empty, but she forced me home and it caused financial issues for me. Ended up not being able to get back in for a year and a half.
After I learned to drive, she basically turned me into her little personal free cab. I understand helping once and a while, but this was just about every day. Still happens. Whenever she knows I have a free day from work, she wants to do all these things. Making it be like I essentially have no days off. Most of the time when I'm asked if I want to do something, I can't because I'm always with her. Or when I want to go anywhere alone she always wants to go or she spam calls me after an hour. It got worse after some surgery to her knees the last 2 years. She has even gone on about how she will move with me when I move out. Guilt tripping me and using my pets as an excuse to have me stay.
I could say a lot more, but it would end up too long. But it honest to God feels like she's stuck to my side. After nearly 22 years of being alive..I feel like I'm going to be stuck like this. I love my mom and I'm sorry she saw dad die when I was young. I don't know if it's because I'm the youngest. I can't keep going through her freak outs or her mental state in general.I feel like she's trying to live through me. Like she wants to keep me with her for her life. If I even try to talk to her about this, it will just end up in an argument, unfortunately. | HISTORICAL | {
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SixsTl2YT8EtsKjxbuArFl9JbDKTHzQf | a3ky7o | {
"description": "seeing my relationship as not worth it",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for seeing my relationship as not worth it | So I’ve been with my girlfriend for three years now which to me isn’t that long but to her is quite a while. The first year and a half was great because we saw each other 2 or 3 times a week for a decent chunk of the day and got along real well, but in the last year roughly things have changed, her parents started up a hobby farm to which they’re going to retire to and is two hours+ drive from where her and I live. she has to spend a lot of time there because of the work that needs to be done with the animals. This has meant that the last few months i have only seen her once a week and on occasion once every two weeks. I work and study so my weeks have things on, as well as my sport on the weekends and she also has a part time job and study’s, hence why we only see each other once a week. Am I the asshole for not wanting to date someone I barely even see and barely talk to, I’m 21 and don’t see why I should be so committed to one person at this age, not to mention as a result of not seeing her much the interactions are awkward | HISTORICAL | {
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Yq8GwhJC5FfknhfO6ZtdHi4nlbQr4JtM | atziab | {
"description": "posting a joke on Facebook, that is obviously a joke to those that know me personally",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for posting a joke on Facebook, that is obviously a joke to those that know me personally? | With the emotion "feeling silly" attached I wrote this status "Part of me wants a 5th cat because I know my SO won't go for a 2nd dog?" I posted this because my SO is a cat person, thus our 4 cats. I on the other hand, am a dog person (Thus our one dog).
Almost instantly after I post this, my MIL posts "no you're not getting any more animals, the condo board will complain and you will be kicked out" to which my mother replies "You're not her mother, so instead of posting this on a public status, you can private message her because you don't control her." After I delete the comment, I assume my MIL contacts my GIL (who lives with us) and she calls my SO yelling "I don't care if it's a joke, it's not funny we are not getting more animals" (only 2 of the animals are mine, I brought 1 cat over with me when I moved, and we got a dog a little while after I moved in).
My SO then called his mother and told him to apologize to me, as it was a joke (I didn't care if they apologized) and she said "No, that kind of stuff doesn't belong on facebook" (?what?) "and I don't care if it's a joke" he replied with "It's her facebook page? she can do whatever she wants on it, and you're not her mother so stop trying to control her."
People reacting to a FACEBOOK status this way makes me not want to invite them to my baby shower, or my childs birth. I already dislike my GIL as she keeps trying to hit my dog, and wants to confine him in the bedroom. I used to get along with his family but they've been very on edge to me and I can't imagine how they'll treat me as I'm a Crunchy Mom (google it). My mother is very supportive of everything I do, which is why she stuck up for me, but she understands I don't want any more animals as I'm having a baby lmao... I just feel like his family doesn't even care to get to know me. | HISTORICAL | {
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30xZERR5P5hNqzz8jspACKv9NxluQRk2 | aqnynx | {
"description": "holding to the original topic of a conversation and trying to get my mom to do the same",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for holding to the original topic of a conversation and trying to get my mom to do the same? | TLDR: Am I the asshole for keeping track of the original topic of a conversation, and bringing it back even when the conversation might have drifted to other topics?
This happened around Christmas and I've been thinking about it ever since.
In my mind, even if the topic of a conversation drifts, most of the times I keep track of the original topic and if there was something I still want to say it about it, I try to bring the original topic back so I can finish that conversation.
Now, my mom is kind of the opposite. She has a couple topics, mostly related to her work or projects, and most conversations with her end up drifting towards that, then away from it and back to it, several times.
We had a disagreement on Christmas because of it. We were talking about a sweater that she's knittinng for me (got ruined in a dryier machine and she undid it and is doing it again), and I was telling her a story about the sweater and how it had got ruined, and somehow she made the topic drift to my biology teacher in middle school, then to a biology teacher she's working with, and from that to the project she's doing with the teacher.
Then when I told her that whenever I talk with her I feel that the conversation always turns into the things she's doing and interest her, regardless of what I have been saying, she argued that that is the way conversation works, going from a topic to another, and that I hold on too much to the original topic of a conversation and try to bring it back even when it stopped being relevant to the conversation.
Then she let me finish telling her the story about the sweater, but it felt like she was only doing it because I was forcing her to and she really didn't want to hear about it.
So... what do you think, reddit? Have you met people who do this kind of thing? Are they (like I would be) assholes?
TLDR: Am I the asshole for keeping track of the original topic of a conversation, and bringing it back even when the conversation might have drifted to other topics? | HISTORICAL | {
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26snB5c4Wy6hbYMFvqtZx17o76zERnLb | b4zsod | {
"description": "saying that I love myself more than anyone else",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for saying that I love myself more than anyone else? | So I (27M) went for a drink with some friends (2 guys my age and also 2 girls). Just for a preliminary note, I have a girlfriend (26F) and so do the two guys. However our girlfriend's weren't with us.
Now anyway, as we were drinking one of the guy friends, we'll call Steve, said that he thinks he is ''in love with his girlfriend'' and that there's ''noone else in the world that he loves more than her''. Now we can call the other guy Joe and the other two girls Bethany and Katy. Joe congratulated him and Bethany and Katy said ''awwwh''. I congratulated him too that he's found a girl he really likes.
Then they turned to me and asked whether I love my girlfriend. I said that I do, but I don't know why I said this, as I was drunk, I just blurted out ''I love her very much, I really do, but...there's noone in the whole world that I love more than myself. Not even my own mother.''
They looked at me startled and the girls said ''That's such a fucking douchey thing to say''. I quickly changed the topic, but when I think of it, I don't see the issue. It's socially acceptable for a guy to say he loves his girlfriend/wife more than anyone, or it's socially acceptable for a mother to say she loves her son more than anyone (or a father loves his daughter more than anyone). But it's douchey to say I love myself more than anyone?
I 100% feel that I love myself more than anyone. I love myself more than my parents. More than my friends. More than my girlfriend. I don't see why people get triggered at this, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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owlxK2L00jjPR3837Kz5j5rPx3gvncgf | atap1j | {
"description": "kicking my ex-crush out of group work in uni",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I kicked my ex-crush out of group work in uni? | Bear with me but just give me a second to explain.
This goes back to end of October in 2018. I had met my ex-crush (lets call her person A). I had taken her under my care, explaining uni things and updating uni stuff. basically handing her a golden ticket to a first (70% and up) degree. The infatuation with A grew when she let me into her life. Fast-forward to a month ago. I had just come off a holiday to Dubai. Then my family went, hence I was alone and would try to spend as much time as with her, failed hardcore. Impossible. (Just a little tl;dr for context)
Now, It is the 4th week into university and she has not come in for, now coming into, 5 weeks. I still have feelings for her (my heart rate increases every time her name gets mentioned) but I have tried to put this aside. Although, I am done trying to ask her out or try to make her my GF.
There is a group work that we have to do for uni. And she hasn’t been in for all of it. The other people (persons B and C), they are willing to do the work where as they had chosen me to be their team leader. I had received a call from her (after ghosting me for 5 straight days) asking about uni stuff. I said I will explain to you physically as it’s too much to text and call over. She came in once for a total of 2:30 seconds. She had to leave because of “medical problem” (quote marks explained later). Now, B and C are telling me to kick her out because she is dragging the group down. I kept saying give her a chance, she might come round but as of this week, she said she would “come in 100%, defo Thursday, will defo come in afternoon” (actual quotes) all BS. Now I have a deadline and I have no Idea what to do. If I kick her out, a shitstorm will fly to me like a hurricane. Same goes with staying in.
Also, I say medical problems because she seems to have a lot. Her knee is fucked, her mouth is fucked, her health has gone down the drain even though she is the most athletically fit person in the world. Which I have no Idea. To add to that, she was off antibiotics and was “gagging and coughing” whilst being in a 5 star Scandinavian restaurant in central London 2 days ago when she was supposed to be “ill”. Right now, I have no idea if this is true or if she is lying to me.
WIBTA if I kicked my ex-crush out of group work in uni?
tl:dr ex-crush who I still have feelings for is not doing the work in uni, other people are telling me to kick her out, I keep protecting her | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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YUTXixl6G016CSKDgjpZRNZHKjtRsY5Z | b6x21h | {
"description": "lying to break up with my ex",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for lying to break up with my ex? | This happened a couple of years ago. I was in a relationship with this girl who I felt I was in love with. The first couple of months were amazing with her, and we seemed to fit perfectly with each other. But then, things began to get tiring. Whenever I wanted to talk to her about anything, she would steer the conversation to how shitty the situation at her home is. I would stop talking about myself and listen to her and support her.
There were a few months where I felt down because it felt like I wasn't able to make friends. She would always be by my side and glare at anyone who approached me. I noticed this and called her out on it but she said she did it unconsciously and apologized. And I let it go.
Every time we fought, she would cry and tell me that I'm acting like her mother or her other family members. She said she couldn't handle it. I tried to approach her once about how it felt like she was ignoring me when I wanted to talk about myself for a change. I remember that night really vividly. She sobbed and wouldn't stop, telling me I was scaring her because I confronted her like her mother usually does. And I began comforting her and apologizing. Now I remember *I* apologized every time I felt something was wrong.
She's always been known as a sensitive person, but I couldn't handle it anymore. I was weak as well. Over months, I had stopped confronting her and standing up for myself. I was *scared* of confronting her. I was scared to tell her I wanted to break up.
So I told her that I had to breakup with her because my family found out (I'm from a place where dating is a huge no-no).
She began yelling at me, and then after an hour she apologized, and then began yelling at me some more. It became a huge issue when she revealed that we were dating without my consent to her family even after me explicitly telling her not to.
It took me months of counselling to realize that she was emotionally abusive. She was controlling. I'm very glad I broke up with her.
But, AITA for using a lie to do it? | HISTORICAL | {
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W5fbqYolq76HWBPcAo7xtAOFQX6VTU8v | azm8kx | {
"description": "not helping a person having a seizure",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not helping a person having a seizure? | Ok a little context. I was at an arcade today waiting for a machine when there was a big slam next to my foot. I looked down and a guy the same age as me was seizing. It took a second to register and then i started having a panic attack so i walked away. There were other people around aware and he was later carried out on a stretcher. I have no idea what im supposed ti do in that situation or who to ask for help. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Gs7sygmEOAvEgouE3qbclKSRwAWuokHK | b8zv73 | {
"description": "pointing out my friends blatant homophobia",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for pointing out my friends blatant homophobia? | Backgorund: I'm a 16M living in the UK with a decent sized group of friends, however this situation involves one good grind and his other friend who I'm not that close with, and the homophobic comments they've been splitting have increased steadily over the last few months
(TL;DR at bottom)
So it's Friday afternoon, we've just been released from school, and I'm walking a round with the two friends in question(I'll call then F1 and F2).So we're just having a normal conversation until the question comes of "would you do x for a million pounds", at first F1 thinks a little but then loudly and proudly proclaimes that he's "not gay at all", and that "only fags would do that", so at this point I'm somewhat annoyed at his remark but hold off on saying anything, scared of being judged by both friends. The conversation continues through different topics until F1 brings up Fortinite(yes yes I know not the best) to which F2 responds" no Fortnite so f*cking gay man" so on and so forth, both agreeing with each other and basically applauding each other's hateful views,meanwhile I'm in the middle of them feeling absolutely livid, however it was what they said next that broke the camel's back, F2 says " I would disown my child if they were gay!" And F1 agrees enthusiastically, instantly I scream out "WTF?!?!" followed by a slur of insults and swears directed at my two friends, that comment just made me too angry to not speak out about it, and frankly made me sick. After the whole ordeal I left them and went home myself, I saw them talking in the halls at school and we've just kinda brushed past each other
TLDR : friends homophobic comments made me WAY too angry and I snapped evantually, and I'm not really sure if I wanna forgive them
So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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2nLWujrwBrnKjdhy16BU8sF0Zq6MG8Ei | aezb1n | {
"description": "bringing up toilet paper usage to my roommates",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for bringing up toilet paper usage to my roommates? | Some background: we are 2 guys and 2 gals sharing a 3 bedroom place with a single bathroom between us. I've noticed that we go through literally almost an entire roll of toilet paper a day. (The large, good quality ones too)
Being that we all take turns buying the toilet paper, I sent a group text out saying that we have been going through an kind of an insane amount and we should try to be careful with how much we use since it's a shared cost. I tried to make sure to be polite, tactful and not blame any one person, then concluded that I'll buy the next pack, just that they please keep the above in mind.
2 of the 3 roommates we're totally cool and seemed perfectly okay with it, but one girl seemed irked that I brought it up and left smart ass response like I was being unreasonable.
So, am I crazy to think it's weird that we are using a big ass roll of TP every single day? And am I an asshole for bringing it up?
Thanks in advance :) | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
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} | WRONG |
huDHl53cCjONR45ik9EJuhR9rzj3JpQ0 | ah1jbz | {
"description": "asking my step dad to put his cereal in the bin",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking my step dad to put his cereal in the bin? | right so, I’m 17 (girl) and live with my family, the one in the house who clears plates and loads the dishwasher every day, family stuff you get it. But my step dad had a bowl of cereal this morning, didn’t like and so just left it in the sink, still full of cereal and milk. So I’m loading the dishwasher tonight and find it, all crusty and shit so I’m like right who done this? I get I load the dishwasher but you can at least get rid of the food before you leave in the sink to fester, cause now I have to scrape it for like 10 mins to get all the oats and shit off. So I find out it was my step dad (after him trying to pin on my brother) and I say, well can you tip it in the bin next time. That was it, wasn’t even having a go just said it nicely.
So, he LASHES out at me with “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY? I get up and go to work every morning you think I have time for that shit? “HOW FUCKING DARE YOU, I get up for work while your laying in bed” (I’m not, I’m just on study leave for school this week and stay in my room to study).
Anyway it all escalated to me getting shouted at that I’m a lazy piece of shit, don’t pay my way in the house so I need to move out because I’m old enough now (im 17 and still in school- do I look like I can afford to move out), and for the next 10 mins he’s in the living room ranting to my mum “I can’t fucking believe she just said that, I’m shocked, the sooner she leaves for uni the better”.
None of this is exaggerated btw, this is actually the way my step dad is, and I’m trying to get an honest opinion
I’m honestly so baffled, like is my step dad the asshole I think he is or am I asking too much for him to put his cereal in the bin? Like the amount he was shouting over this was unreal, I’m not getting it, someone help
TLDR I ask my step dad to put his unwanted cereal in the bin instead to leaving it crust up so I don’t have to scrape it off when I load the dishwasher, he shouts bloody murder at me because hes the breadwinner and I’m 17 and don’t “pay my way” in the house, just do chores. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
wk2iTUGsbuLMDag1Z6WRavIOCmHKYKsV | aj7kw9 | {
"description": "taking a backseat on a group project",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITAH for taking a backseat on a group project? | Okay, so I'm in a university program that is largely project based. There are no tests, but throughout the semester the 'finals' for all but 1 of the classes has been a group project of some form or another. We have had to write an academic report, make a filmed interview, a visual/video essay and the main project for the course, a magazine.
For the magazine project, I took on a huge role. I wrote 4 of the 12 articles, edited all of the other 8, worked really closely with the art director and made sure that it all got done in time. I'm not saying that the other people in the group didn't work hard on it as well because they did. I just took on the largest role and spent the most time on the project.
Now, I should note is that this is a really international program. I am the only native English speaker- not only in the project group, but the class. It is an English program, everyone else speaks English but for most, it is a second or third language. This is mostly why I was given the job of editor but I also really enjoyed the role. I made sure I didn't phone it in and invested a lot of time and effort into the project.
The problem came when we started working on the video project for another class. I was with a girl who was also in the magazine group with me. We'll call her A. A was probably the person who struggled the most with English. Throughout the semester she was constantly asking me to look at her work. I didn't mind because she was really nice about it and she would always say thank you. She was never rude if I couldn't get around to it right away and she understood that going through her work was my last priority when I was doing other things.
A is really good at video editing and production. That is definitely not my strong suit so instead, I ran the interview portion with our subjects, and mapped out a script. It definitely did not take nearly as much time or work as A put into the video editing and I knew that. I thought it would even out because we got a really good grade on our magazine. That grade was the same for everyone in our group, which of course included A.
Apparently, A did not feel the same way. She sent me a really long text telling me how hurt she was that I didn't help her more with the video. She said she didn't want to work with me in the next term and that she would be letting our Visual communications prof know about how little work I had done.
To make matters worse, we have a 'peer review' sheet where we have to give each other a grade for the work we did. It's a grade out of 5. We're supposed to rate each other and we see the grade that the other person gives. It's weird that it's not anonymous but I guess it is a good evaluation tool. She gave me a 1 in every category- including the interview. Which, I know I didn't do a lot but I feel like I should get credit for the part that I did do. I felt so bad that I gave her 4's and 5's in every category to try and make up for it and because she really did do a good job on the video. I'm pretty upset and I don't want to have to retake the class because of this. Am I in the wrong here? Am I the asshole?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
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} | RIGHT |
NcnoGd19kHT09ahHXltE4LGXr4kd0GVE | b1buju | {
"description": "shoplifting food",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for shoplifting food | Pretty simple. I'm the stereotypical poor college student in an expensive area in California. I work as much as I can with school but nearly all of it goes toward rent. Food stamps helps with some other stuff, but I don't get nearly as much as I need. If i'm short in a month I've been known to go to walmart and just walk out with food. I mentioned this to a friend and they're pretty disgusted by me and made me feel pretty awful. I guess my defense was that it's walmart and wasn't anything for vanity.
​
I know it's wrong and my budgeting could be better but I guess I get desperate sometimes.
AITA regardless | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 12
} | WRONG |
xOCFHeWTtewfGkrym8GiIwEk69DZsFC3 | b6n3lt | {
"description": "not wanting to grow my hair for a friend's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 53,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to grow my hair for a friend’s wedding? | My friend’s wedding is coming up in July, and I’m a bridesmaid. The bride has decided along with matching dresses, shoes, bags, jewellery, flower crowns, and make up we all need to have the same hairstyle.
Problem is, I’m the only member of the bridal party with short, naturally straight hair - they all have naturally curly or black hair. She’s strongly suggesting I grow my hair, whereas I said I’m happy to wear clip in hair to achieve the look she wants. My straight hair is the kind that never curls, I spent much of my adolescence in the 90’s desperately trying to curl, wave, or crimp my hair. But no matter how much product or heat I used, the style would fall out in a few minutes. So I’ve learnt to love my very straight hair for what it is, and enjoy that I can have a short haircut.
I feel like I’m the Debbie downer of the bridal group, as with my skin allergies I can’t wear the costume jewellery she originally picked (I suggested I wear small gold studs or no earrings, but that doesn’t fit in with her ‘vision’), and I’m worried I’ll have an allergic reaction to the brands the makeup artist uses. I’ve offered to talk to the makeup artist to discuss my allergies, but I’m made to feel like I’m being super awkward and unhelpful.
My friend was rational person before she got engaged, but the level of control over every aspect of this wedding is making my anxiety and body shame issues overwhelm me. Which it shouldn’t, because this day is supposed to be all about her and her partner and the next stage of their life together.
We’ve been through a lot of shit together, and helped each other through some very stressful and awful times. But I don’t recognise this budding bridezilla and the bridal party of doom. Am I an asshole for not wanting to grow my hair?
TL:DR - my friend wants me to grow my hair for her wedding. But I find my short hair liberating. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 52,
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"NOBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 53,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
I9gXMqauMwzrL4M9JCnWG6ZO2pQ3iSVD | b515q1 | {
"description": "ending a Longtime friendship",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For Ending a Longtime Friendship? | Background Information:
​
I was friends with this person (we'll refer to her as Hermia) since sixth-grade. Hermia does this thing where once she enters a relationship, she quickly forgets her friendships and her focus turns completely onto her partner. I previously struggled hanging out with her because her partner 'hated sharing her'.
​
In September, my sister finally had enough and decided to leave her abusive husband. Unfortunately, he began to stalk our family. Everyone was on edge and the smallest things would set us off. Discussing my brother-in-law was difficult because one parent believed it was meant to be kept private and I believed he somehow had connections to people I knew.
​
Hermia was really the only person I was comfortable sharing updates on the situation with aside from writer/online friends.
​
Hermia interrupts my venting/updates to say: I went on a date last night and it was probably the best date of my life.
​
Her concern? Her boyfriends name was the same as an ex-girlfriend of mine who we hate and would I be angry?
​
I was extremely hurt and began to distance myself from her. I received the occasional text which would just be her sending a meme or holiday related text. I didn't expect she would remember my birthday but she did and apologized for not being there as much as she could.
​
I, admittedly, snapped and shared how hurt her comments made me. Again, everything was about her boyfriend and his friends. We no longer had a friendship.
​
I waited a week and received no response. We are no longer speaking and she has me blocked on every single form of social media. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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} | RIGHT |
siHkgZEGLyzOdehbu0oQCJ2jLHl9yqpS | b2bbp6 | {
"description": "now bailing my brother out of jail",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for now bailing my brother out of jail | Looks like my brother was arrested last night for a domestic violence incident with his wife. All I know he is in jail and she had to go the the hospital for injuries. Bails bonds already hit me up to post 50k bail and pay 5k to them. Setup payments and make sure he gets to court. They had two kids who are now with me, CPS brought them by. And I was told if he is released then I have to bring him to my spot because he can’t go back home. He has no job so I won’t be paid back, and I got his kids for who knows how long. I’ve had his whole family stay with me before and it was a mess. Now even if I bail him out, which I won’t. I then have to provide a place to stay because he can’t go home, hotel or my house. I’m just not in the spirit of dealing with unnecessary complications. Plus I don’t wanna be in the middle of all this. I can’t help out here. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
jy2LG7mmq67RWxwxN3GlLOT1A5VG4G3L | az66jj | {
"description": "giving a begger a potato",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | WIBTA for giving a begger a potato | So, where I live, there are a lot of people on the streets begging for whatever. There is also a large homeless population.
I was thinking about what we could give people that would be useful. Because maybe they really are in need. So after some realization of what food is left over at the end of the week, i realize we don't eat our whole bag of potatoes each week.
So i was talking to my husband and said we should hand out potatoes to people on street corners when we pass by. He thinks it would be really rude, bc they are expecting cash, and giving potatoes would be really weird. I think he thinks it would make them mad. But I figured what is wrong with potatoes if they are in need. They are yummy, and good for you. And the best part is you don't need to cook them!
**So, WIBTA for giving potatoes out to beggars on the street?** | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 9
} | RIGHT |
hmjzHdpVp6zajcAnMukMhTUavgY40Aki | ay6q8w | {
"description": "telling my little brother to grow up when he told me my parents don't believe in him like they do me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my little brother to grow up when he told me my parents don't believe in him like they do me? | Normal mobile formatting apology
So here is the thing, he is right. I am the favorite. But I earned it. I got all the grades, I'm going to college while also having a good job. I've done everything (most things) right.
He on the other hand has been an ass. He bullied me when we were kids. He was at constant odds with my parents especially my dad. I spent most my life hating him but he has chilled out a lot, with me at least, so I'd say we are more friends now. But he's still awful to my parents.
Yesterday he walked in crying about how he wants to be a Firefighter but mom and dad dont believe in him (after he put a hole in the wall because he was mad). To do this he has to quit his job with my dad's friend after promising he wouldn't, so my dad is unhappy about that.
I told him explain himself to them, why he wants to do it, his plan to go about it, they aren't unreasonable and will help him do whatever he wants. That's when he said he wants to be a Firefighter because they are cool.
I was done, I laid into how that is beyond a dumb reason to chase a career, how he's done no research at all and no wonder they are pissed. I told him he's a dick to them and needs to act like an adult and prove they should believe in him cause he's done a piss poor job of doing it so far. He just kind of walked away.
I love my brother, my parents love my brother but god he's hard to deal with sometimes. Am I the asshole? I was trying to help him but maybe I could have gone about it in a more nice way... lifes been hard on my whole family lately and we are all pretty on edge. Let me know what you think. Thanks for reading.
| HISTORICAL | {
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28RlzdLUPGqtQuZZPkvpY8yYSroNcL7C | agepse | {
"description": "not engaging with guys I sort of know when passing in the street",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not engaging with guys I sort of know when passing in the street? | I work in a restaurant in a small Victorian arcade full of other shops.
Guy number 1:
There is one shop which sells something very specific and some would call nerdy. I have a small interest and bought things from there a couple of times in the past.
The guy who runs the shop has been regularly coming into my shop for food. He either sits in to eat or asks for takeaway to be delivered to his shop. He's always been chatty to me and being a server there's some element of obligation to converse with customers. So I chat back.
He's been coming in on pretty much all of my shifts. We take it in turns to work at the ordering counter or be delivering food. Somehow when it's busy I'm always delivering food to his shop when it's quiet I'm always at the counter and he sits inside to eat and chat to me.
I saw him watching my Instagram stories before he even knew my name. He then asked a co-worker what my name was (weird spelling) and he does not know anyone else's name. He has even brought me a present - an expansion pack for something I bought at his shop. I feel a bit awkward around him. He has asked me my shift times, who I live with etc. But all my co-workers say he's just being nice because we share a common interest. I'm starting to dread him coming into work now and seeing him.
He walked past me in the street today and I pretended not to notice him. A guy I was with said that was a harsh of me as he's just a nice guy and we work in close proximity and I was being a dick.
Guy number 2:
Maintains the Victorian arcade. He's always wandering around in and out the shops. He comes into our kitchen a lot and chats to us. He is always really friendly with guys who are more...established within the community and big business owners and all the women. My co-worker has an excellent butt and I always catch him staring. Sometimes I've turned around and see him staring at my butt then quickly glance up.
He walked past me in the street and smiled and winked and waved. He went to stop to chat and I just did a tight smile and walked on. He has since told other people in the place we work that I'm a rude bitch.
Guy number 3:
Regular customer in my shop. He's nice enough. Always makes small talk while he waits for his food but doesn't linger. I passed him in the street and he came up to me to chat. After 2 minutes I made up an appointment I had to leave for so I could go.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
HFnnSUlLBc3huoHgJ11EeTxNHIaaUcp9 | anxbv5 | {
"description": "not letting my daughters, new fiancee stay with us",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not letting my daughters, new fiancee stay with us? | I single mom of four children. I live with my youngest (22M) son and eldest (28F) daughter but my youngest daughter visits home on weekends from school.
My eldest daughter is (28F) and she has been talking to a (30M) overseas and they've caught quite the fancy for each other. My daughter has never been one to really take on responsibility, for example she works 1-2 shifts a week, has argued about continuing school or going full-time, etc... Yet she met this guy over PlayStation Network and she wants to have him down for three weeks. She only recently met him and then he paid for her to come to England to meet him officially where she stayed for 3 weeks. This was something that I was not comfortable with either but due to her age and autonomy, I gave in and let her go. I had plenty of family telling me that her decisions are her own now and I can't have much control over that. That's fine with me as I understand her age and just want whats best for her.
I let my other children have their significant others over commonly over the weekends, this time I'm a bit hesitant due to my lack of knowledge of the guy and just being a older female alone in my house with him while she is at work or anything else.
I feel as if I may be biased just because my other children met their significant others through school or from events/places around the area. So I've been trying to tell her that she needs to find him a place to stay for the time being as everyone in the house feels as if a stranger from overseas would be uncomfortable, mind you at I feel she is rushing things and this is one of her irresponsible phases (This isn't the first guy shes met online, but the first shes engaged and it all just seems so fast for her to actually make a decision, when I know she doesn't always think things through.)
She claims that she wouldn't be around and always with him and it would have no affect on the family household but she does work those 1 or 2 shifts a week that would leave him here along with the other kids in the house having their daily lives to attend to. There is not much in our area to do or see, so we know that they would be here frequently, as is every other couple in the household. For now, I've said no and she's said if it were any other kid I'd allow it but my main issue comes from it being a stranger from across seas with no connections or ties here or anything. Someone maybe just wanting a fun trip.
TL;DR My Daughter met a guy over PlayStation, She went to England to meet him for 2 weeks and announced that she's engaged after she returned. Now she wants him to come over and stay with us for 3 weeks or possibly a whole month. I'm a single mom with other children at the house so its something I'm not fully comfortable with and feel as if shes rushing, so have said no but she believes its just favoritism to my other children. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
NNqeNzozOEGBk1h3KWM7YAgJSAUeVCwI | 9ysd3l | {
"description": "not letting my brother in law stay in my apartment",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not letting my brother in law stay in my apartment | Yesterday I got a call from my dad telling me about my brother in law situation. He is living in the city I live for a couple of months for education related and he’s living two hours away from point A (his room) to point B (University). Well my dad offered him (without asking me) to stay at my apartment which is 45 mins away from his University. I have to add I live with my brother in a two bedroom apartment so if he moves in he will have to sleep in the living room.
Ps: sorry for my English. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 6,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
15QubArXKDqBuaCLWKg7sklY6P4XgBPj | a32su9 | {
"description": "being upset that my boyfriend isn't coming to an event I planned",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being upset that my (19F) boyfriend (20M) isn’t coming to an event I planned? | I’ve been planning a small/medium sized gathering at work and it will be done at an all day camp sort of thing in the desert. It’s only my first month at this job and I’m an HR coordinator, but my manager gave me permission to host this gathering under the company’s name to prove myself. It’s a family event and most of my coworkers are a lot older than me and married. Most of them will be bringing their wives and kids.
My boyfriend of one year isn’t very social and he likes to stick to what he already knows. He has a few close friends but that’s it. However I’m on the other side of the spectrum and I like to meet new people and get to know them. This is probably why I don’t fully understand his point of view.
I told him about the event and that it will be done on Friday, he knows I’ve been working on it for two weeks now. I told him about it more than once and he kept saying “we’ll see”. So I left it at that.
Today while we were talking on the phone he mentioned to me that he’s going out with his friends to the desert on Friday. This of course caught me off guard and I asked “so you aren’t coming to the event?”. And he said he wasn’t going to and he’d like to go hiking with his friends.
I know he has the right to do whatever he wants with his free time, and I would be an asshole if I forced him to come. I won’t talk to him about being upset he isn’t coming, because it’ll sound like I’m trying to guilt him into coming. My question is, am I the asshole for feeling upset/disappointed in the first place?
Thanks in advance! Sorry for the long post and if my English isn’t good, it’s not my first language. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
5gFVgV6mXLqcpN0whJ0dEBcxgpHDFRoq | aq578b | {
"description": "not lending my rackets",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for Not lending my rackets | So I have played badminton previously and thus have own rackets. Some of my friends like to go play badminton. I can’t join them due to scheduling. I have never offered them my rackets. They contacted me to borrow them.
AITA for not always wanting to share my rackets with them?
1. I am worried about my rackets being damaged. One is a Yonex racket. Previously one of my rackets was broken by a different friend.
2. I do feel left out.
3. I never did offer to them.
I understand that rackets are expensive and that it feels like I am hoarding my resources. Especially when they know I have it and they want it. I don’t want to ruin my relationship with them.
They scheduled once so that I could join. I got to play 2 matches and they played the rest. So I felt just like a racket supplier.
AITA/ being selfish? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
EG1xFx7M4MSMPIe2vgus7qNmX3apOcLI | aybwwg | {
"description": "telling a \"friend\" to \"shut his fucking plague-ridden mouth\"",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling a "friend" to "shut his fucking plague-ridden mouth"? | For context the event described happened around 1,5 years ago but the effects of it are currently still being felt.
During that time our highschool clique had entered their 2 semester of university and with that came the end of my friends relationship with his highschool sweetheart who was also part of our group. This relationship had been going on for around 4 years and seemingly ended out of the blue. The reality of it was that his now Ex wanted to explore her youthful freedom which she could not do with him as he was a bit more uptight about things.
What then followed where around 2 months of unrelenting whining, self-pity, more whining and toxic behaviour towards the people who were trying to comfort him. I was one of those people and unfortunately at one point I snapped.
I had been drinking that evening with him and another friend of mine, because what else are you going to do when you are a student, and he had been pretty whiny and very much insulting towards me that evening again. This was so far tolerated by us as, because he has a reputation for being oh so emotionally sensitive and a 4 year relationship ending is pretty hard on anyone. As we were on our way home he started talking shit about his ex, while also wishing she would come back to him and then insulting me again for me stating that what he was saying was not okay, as I am also good friends with his ex. This is where I told the statement in the title of this post, as it had been a pretty shitty week so far and I went drinking with them to get a way from negative emotions and not have them forced onto me.
He then subsequently started screaming at me, how I could ever say something like that to him, then insulting me again followed by him crying and running away from me and my buddy. We just let him go and went home by ourselves. I even asked my friend if he thought that was too harsh, but he just said that he would calm down eventually.
Since this event, he has gotten another girlfriend (who is going to leave him in the summer as she is going to the USA), and every time we meet some sort of new acquaintance (especially if it is a woman) he acts very disrespectful and toxic to me, seemingly to degrade me in front of others. Based on me not having had a girlfriend yet, he tries to do this to make me feel insecure. This also happens less frequently within our usual friend circle as he probably does not want them to call him out on it. While this does not phase me very much emotionally it usually does kill mine and the groups vibe. He explains this by stating he has aggression problems (No reason to be a cunt), and because of the things I have said to him in the past. The event described above is the only recollection I have of me being rude towards him.
So am I the asshole for apparently starting a timeless conflict I have no interest participating in? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
8Geau86IPtACEZURfgBlH7yyPsPLdqDx | aiy628 | {
"description": "being resentful of my grandma",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being resentful of my grandma? | Ok, so I don't along with my mom. She would watch me shower as a kid and beat me when I refused. Then 13 year old me became her caregiver when she was diagnosed with cancer.
As a result I've become severly unstable and when my dad blacmailed me out of town I went to stay with her. I told her about my suicidal ideations and she said that she's been mentally ill since she was my age, but things have changed and I should get help earlier.
So now my grandma has basically become the mother figure I always wish I had lol. She's never hit me or even raised her voice really.
I haven't told her about the extent of the abuse, but she and my uncle both think my parents were just careless not abusive saying I should just forgive them. Also I'm just angry at her for giving birth to my mom. But I do love her.
Helpppp | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
5vjrtGEk5vfGTXwM7eSAyxflbsaISDL9 | ag4zt9 | {
"description": "laughing at an offensive meme and sharing it",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for laughing at an offensive meme and sharing it | so this just happened where im talking to this girl ive been seeing and i say "i cant fall asleep" so she asks why and i tell her i thought of a meme i saw 5 years ago and started laughing so she was wondering what it was, so i try googling it and i find it i say "im surprised i even remembered this and even found it im terrible for laughing at this im sorry"
its the meme of woody and buzz lightyear flying, woody says "buzz you missed the truck!" buzz says "we're not aiming for the truck" and the next panel is of them flying into the twin towers
she says "thats not funny and its morbid that you think it is" and goes on about how memes are stupid and she doesnt like any of them and shes all mad at me
but ive sent her memes before and shes never said anything about not liking them, i guess this one was just too offensive and she snapped. i dont know, am i the asshole for laughing at an offensive meme? is she over reacting? she has me convinced i am an asshole and i dont know who i can talk to about this, am i an asshole, reddit?
obligatory on mobile sorry for poor editing | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
VS7DVWfkAxeYcr1cA5LUsz8L7swo160X | 9zlks5 | {
"description": "not caring about my relatives",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not caring about my relatives? | I am an Asian American female in her mid-twenties who works at a large tech company. Most of my relatives are overseas, and both my parents are well-educated and came to the States with little money and we scrimped and saved to get where we are. This means I never really had Christmas or birthday presents growing up. We are in a much better place today, and I have an O.K. relationship with them currently despite a lot of problems in the past.
We have relatives back home who think we are wealthy and always have thought thus just because we live in America. The more our financial situation improved, the more they ask. I speak to my grandparents once ever three months for less than a minute each time. My extended family, I barely ever talk to.
The only time I really hear from them is when they ask my parents to buy them luxury goods to ship back (no, they don't pay). Three years ago, my grandma begged my mom to ship back an iPhone for my cousin.
My cousin's mom consistently cares about luxury products and makes my 80 yo grandma cook dinner and box it in a to-go box so she can save money while doing night shifts as a nurse. Anytime I bring this up with my mom I get scolded for being mean to my aunt and Cathay my grandma does it willingly. Never mind that she has high blood pressure, heart disease and really should be resting. My aunt always wants a vegetable dish, a healthy meat dish, along with fucking rice.
Recently, my cousin came to the US to study at a school who recruits Chinese students for their ability to pay full tuition. She is taking undergraduate/language courses even though she is enrolled in an university. The only time they have really talked to me is to ask me for university information. I laid out the steps to send in an applicantion, but they didn't do it and got a company to fill out her whole application and write all the essays.
They want my parents to help them find someone for their daughter to marry so she can get US Citizenship and call every other day now to my parents asking for information/advice/to do crap for them. Recently they have started asking me too. My cousin texts me every once in awhile to show her life in America, but I don't really want to do anything. She goes to school in a predominately white university, and only hangs with other Chinese international students that make up 99% of her masters program. Recently my mom asked me to set her up with someone from my tech company as there are many single Asian American males with citizenship.
I feel really fucking disgusted and we had a huge argument. I basically told her they were her family and not mine and should stop asking for handouts. She has told me to repeatedly pity my cousin because she's poor and that she can't stay in the states. Her family is middle class by far, and she doesn't want to try to obtain an H1B working visa as it is too hard and competitive.
They have yet to ask me to buy them things or for money. I have stopped myself from getting close to my cousin because I'm afraid they will ask me for favors and ask for money as they know I am well off at my age. All this has caused my mom to turn on me by calling me heartless and greedy, and that I don't care about family. Her family has never reached out to me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
28ZdLxy0LsEk7qa6U1MyecZH8wx00ztw | ajwylk | {
"description": "breaking up over text",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for breaking up over text? | Context, my ex-bf and I go to the same university. We dated for about 3-4 months, he accelerated the relationship so much and I was mostly ready for it. He was the one who verified that we were official, said the L word first (after I told him it was too early). Everything else was pretty good. We just returned from winter break and that time period of distance (8 hours apart for a month) really screwed things up. He barely reached out to me or showed interest, it felt like he was completing a task to talk to me. We argued a bit about it and he stood his ground, and I ended up compromising. This left me a bit resentful and sad and for the last week of break I figured a breakup was on the horizon. I was losing sleep, some nights I couldn't even fall asleep for an hour. I knew AT LEAST a conversation would have to take place.
There's some context as to the state of the relationship when we return to school.
So when I get back, he stops by for 2 hours which were not spent alone. We hung out with my suitemates, no 1 on 1 time. He was leaving to go watch a show (he watches weekly), and I asked what he was doing after. He tells me he "got 3 hours of sleep and is probably just going to go to bed after." I was disappointed, but there wasn't much I could do.
Shortly after he leaves, I decided to text him to tell him that he "should sleep over, my roommate wouldn't be here." When he replies, he informs me that he's actually drinking with his suite tonight and he will "come after if he wants." At this point, I am sure the relationship is over. I didn't want to have to end it but I can not be treated that way. This was consuming my mind, my sleep, my eating, everything. I text him that I need to talk to him tonight, he says he's busy and already took 3 shots. I say it's important and he says "if I was doing nothing I would." He protests, and I eventually give up, trying to work on school work.
After 30 minutes of trying to get work done, my mind can not focus on anything else. I needed the result. I apologize and tell him that it is an absolute need for him to come over. I literally said "If you have any respect for me not even as your boyfriend, but as a friend, you will show up tonight because it is that important to me." Mind you, we live in adjacent buildings (30 second walk, no joke). He protests still, at this point I am infuriated and I have to end it, I can not put it off another day. I even told him that I got zero hours of sleep the previous night because I needed to talk to him about this and he essentially shrugs it off.
I decided that there was no other choice and I just ended it there over text. I simply said I am breaking up with you, and that was basically it. He asked if we can be friends, but after that conversation I told him that he showed his lack of respect and therefore I have no interest in being friends.
TLDR; bf gave me crumbs of attention, wanted to talk about it and potentially break up with him. He refused to walk 30 seconds to meet up with me when I told him I needed to talk and that it was important (stated that I was losing sleep over this). His excuse was that he had started drinking (3 shots) and was busy.
AITA for
a.) breaking up with him over text?
b.) telling him I have no interest in being friends due to **this conversation** alone? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 4,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
P6iMKmVR8VDTK8GoarjGE9lB4MRK2XBH | b28ktw | {
"description": "explaining to my best friend that he handled his birthday gift from his girlfriend poorly",
"pronormative_score": 126,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | WIBTA if I explain to my best friend that he handled his birthday gift from his girlfriend poorly? | My friend (we'll call him Jeff) recently celebrated his 20th birthday and I drove 250 miles to see him. Before I left his girlfriend (let's call her Liz) was asking if the gift she had bought for him, a copy of Super Mario Party for the Switch, would be a good gift. I already had a copy of the game so I offered to play using my copy before she presented the gift to him so he would be familiar with the game.
Fast forward to his birthday, the first issue arises. I asked if he was interested in joining us playing the game and he was immediately not interested. Jeff insisted that it was his birthday so he should get to choose what we play. Not wanting to create an argument we conceded and played his choice of Smash Ultimate. We still had fun it just put a wrench in the original plan.
After we wrap up Liz gives his gift to him. Second issue. Jeff is underwhelmed at receiving it and remarks that it's nice, but not what he was hoping for. Since we had wrapped up playing Smash Jeff asked if we wanted to go to the mall. It's a short drive away and we needed to do a little shopping anyway so we agreed.
I didn't realize until we got to the mall that Jeff had brought Mario Party with him. He was driving and had parked us at the entrance closest to GameStop. As soon as we enter the mall he makes a pretty direct route to GameStop. By this time Liz has also realized what is going to happen and she is just barely holding back tears.
He returns the brand new unopened copy of Mario Party for Let's Go Eevee. We leave GameStop for another store and I go shopping with Liz. Jeff remained outside with a third friend, Monty. While talking to Monty, Jeff tried to rationalize returning his gift for another game. He claimed he knew Liz was interested in Eevee and they would never really appreciate Mario Party.
Would I be the asshole if I tried to explain to him that his decision to immediately return his gift in front of his girlfriend who got it for him? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 120,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 126,
"WRONG": 9
} | RIGHT |
YEDTy58z0PVSg0enVAFQi3MpcBAc7XoI | aef5po | {
"description": "not thinking my best friend's relationship is good for her",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not thinking my best friend's relationship is good for her? | Quick disclaimer off the bat because I know people will be thinking this but no, I do not like her romatically.
So in October, my best friend got into a relationship. I'm not going to tell you the whole story as not to waste time, so here are the facts.
-He(17) is two years older than us(15)
-One month into the relationship, he convinced her to have sex with him. This by itself is fine, but this is quite actually the biggest problem because he convinced her to do so *without protection*. What is worse though, is that he made her not tell anyone. She eventually told me though, and I made her swear on our friendship to use them.
-These days, she has gotten more and more depressed, and I notice it gets worse whenever she comes from hanging out with him.
-His friends are known around school to be general dickheads, and after spending time with them once, I see why. For example, they repeatedly ask to call me "their nigga" (I'm a mixed kid, they are very white), and while there was a ballet performance at our school, one of them repeatedly kept talking to the girl when she came offstage, even after she told him she wasn't interested, because he thought she was cute.
-Going back to a previous point, whenever she does feel sad, she will truthfully tell him she doesn't know why, but he will think she's hiding something from him so he will *punish* her by acting moody and making her feel like shit
So reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
MbGjum4aCdBw3RAH7p72VRARDvnRvMUD | auto6g | {
"description": "adopting my sister's cat out",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | WIBTA if I adopted my sister’s cat out? | I’m (20F) moving out soonish, and my sister (12F) has asked me to take her cat with me because she doesn’t think she can handle him by herself. Which leads me to wonder, why adopt him in the first place?
I told my parents, a million times over, that no, she can’t handle a cat, she’s not going to take care of it. But she fed my cat for *three days*, and my dad caved. It’ll teach her responsibility, he says, and he and I have spent the entirety of the last year taking out her cat’s litter box because, “it’s gross.”
I’ll admit that I could take care of her cat. I do! I already feed him, I play with him, I take him to all his appointments, I brush his teeth weekly and feed him his medicine and give him baths when he rolls around in mud. Hell, I pay for his vet insurance. (Admittedly, our parents funnel a good deal to me monthly, but it is technically my money.) I could afford him, I’d have time to take care of him, the apartment my boyfriend and I are looking at has plenty of room.
But I don’t want to take him. My own cat is reaching ten, and I don’t think I could emotionally handle another pet when he dies. But if I leave him here, the responsibility will most likely fall to my dad, who is reaching 60 and has health problems.
Would it be totally awful if I did take him with me only to adopt him out? I’d make sure he finds a good home. My sister would be crushed, but I feel like it’s the best option. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
AWZrLZBKs0vVXpGot5v2lXojkQeBejMS | akijjw | {
"description": "asking my wife to pay attention to me while out with her friends",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for asking my wife to pay attention to me while out with her friends? | My wife [F25] and I [M23] were out with some of her friends yesterday for some wine tasting. I am naturally introverted and talk less than she and her other extroverted friends do. She usually invites me along because she knows I like to do events like that and I do still try to participate in the extroverts conversation.
The issue was when we were in a line of 4 people at the bar. Here is the setup. My wife was second to last on the right and I was to her right with no one else on my right. Her friends were on her left. While we were at the bar, she was fully facing toward her friends so all I had facing me was my wife's back. Not once did she try and turn to include me in the conversation.
I know I don't talk as much as her and her friends but I still like to participate and listen. I usually have some things to say. I eventually asked her once if she wouldn't mind stepping back a little so that I may also join in the conversation but she quickly turned back to just her friends. I could have moved to the left to make myself more central to the group but I felt like that would've been awkward. I didn't want to be the center of attention, I just wanted some space on the end to feel included.
Once we arrived home, she told me how its pointless to include me because it's not like I contribute to the conversation at all. Even when I tried to talk, she kept facing her friends. Am I the asshole for suggesting she position her body in such a way that allows for 4 people in a line to talk to one another? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
CdWBsMh315z6DgJqanVvw4YLJVqOmnYc | b7ft0m | {
"description": "asking my friend for money",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | WIBTA if i asked my friend for money | Ok
Me and 2 more friends were walking through a park, 2 of us playing pokemon go and the other one doesnt play so he was just there and talking to us and we were all having fun.
All of a sudden he moves his left hand in a motion that knocks my phone out of my hand and it falls on the gravel/concrete floor and the screen cracks in a way that i need to spend over 100$ to repair it.
We talk over what just transpired and he says hes gonna give me his old phone to use while i get a new one.
Now i dont want to purchase a new phone as this one works just fine and i just can't afford spending even this money trying to repair the damaged screen on this one.
He comes from a family that (well i dont know how to say this without sounding entitled af) has less money available than we do, my friend and i are both 16, and he qualified for nationals in english and spend his last money on that.
P.S. my family is also going through a bit of a shitty period for money too
TL;DR: friend pushed hand which had phone in it, phone fell, screen very damaged, his family dont have money but we arent in a good spot either
Now am i going to be an asshole if i ask him to give me money, his family is in a worse positon with money and he doesnt have any. Decide reddit. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
nBVKUhkIAbIFrxKdGATSDxPUzJvlhIm5 | aa3bvt | {
"description": "not letting siblings use my car to get food",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not letting siblings use my car to get food | Background: I’m 22 and just purchased my first car 2 months ago. Younger sister and brother are 17 and 16, respectively.
This morning we were pretty much empty on groceries. The only thing we really had were cereal and milk, which I was fine with for breakfast. My siblings are a little pickier, and one of them got the idea to get Starbucks and asked to use my car.
If it were last week, I would have been ok with it. I’ve been letting them use it for necessary things if it’s available (going to work, school, etc). Are schedules are kinda busy so if the car is just sitting there I usually let them use it if they ask. But a few days ago, when I had let them use it to go down the street to 7/11 for a couple snacks, they took it even further to the McDonalds (about 10 minutes further). I had specifically told them *not* to do that, as I don’t like them taking it too far if it’s not necessary (like I said, for school and work). Since 7/11 is pretty close I let them. When they got back, I was very upset and told them they were no longer allowed to drive my car unless it was unnecessary. I’m kinda overprotective of my possessions, but they’ve shown to be kinda reckless with things that aren’t theirs.
So when they asked to take it to Starbucks today, I flat out refused and reminded them of this incident. They started arguing that there was nothing to eat (they’d be fine with eating cereal on most days, but once Starbucks popped into one of their heads, there was no turning back).
They kept begging me, and I didn’t really feel like going out until later (I had some errands to do), so I offered to order a pizza to tide them over (it was 12 o’clock so right around lunch at this point). My brother seemed ok with that, but my sister continued to beg for Starbucks.
So I reluctantly tell them “fine, I’ll take you, but I have some errands to run. We’ll get Starbucks on the way home.” They both refused the offer this time. The argument was probably more heated than I am making it sound, but that’s basically what happen. I yelled at them “fine, then don’t get anything” and walked out.
I just got a call from my mom; they must’ve “told” on me to her. My mom has a habit of taking the side of whoever complains to her first. I tried explaining my side to her, but she insisted I was wrong; “they’re hungry; what’s the big deal?”
So AITA in this situation? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
qFDJ1GZzJFwSFOSyWuOAy0gmdNChB2PH | arl0uv | {
"description": "not tipping when I pick up food",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not tipping when I pick up food? | I'm not occupying a table, or a server. I'm coming to pick up food. Am I the asshole for putting "pick up" on the tip line? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
dmDt0QG98wRb6TmFIWKDoBkkEyR0DOax | 9yfb59 | {
"description": "smoking in an area which allows smoking next to someone who dislikes it",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for smoking in an area which allows smoking next to someone who dislikes it | I’m currently in Cambodia on vacation. I go down to the (outdoor) pool area in the hotel where the seats are all taken except for a table by the pool with an ashtray there. I’d gone there specifically to drink beer, read and smoke cigarettes. Welp, turns out the guy who is reclining about 2 metres away doesn’t appreciate smokers. He starts out by saying it’s a disgusting habit and devolves to swearing and namecalling in the next response. I calmly tell him that it’s not a smoke free area and if he doesn’t like it then he’s free to go somewhere else. He keeps swearing at me. I ignore him, order a beer and keep reading. He eventually shuts up til I decide to light up another one. Turns to his wife and calls me an asshole, fucker, wanker etc. I’ve been nothing but polite and courteous otherwise. AITA?
Ongoing situation btw, appreciate any fast responses. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
i8f5shcLUb0okEVqOdhbVFWabZ2ZFcrv | ax01as | {
"description": "being angry that my brother's GF will be spending her entire spring break at our apartment",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for being angry that my brother's GF will be spending her entire spring break at our apartment? | Hear me out here. So, my brother is in a new relationship, and she's a great girl. But here's the problem... every time she's here, he's a completely different person. When it's just me and him, we game out, we talk, and we smoke together. When she's here, he ignores me, everything I say he responds with sassy comments like "So what?" Or "Yeah, whatever." If I go make groceries, he always have something nasty to say like "Why did you have to buy that? Why didn't you buy this?" Even after he has NO money to buy ANY food. Every time she's here, I feel like an outsider and I need to lock myself in my room because they are ALWAYS in the living room and when I come out of my room, they hurry and hide what they are doing (it's obvious that they are performing sexual activities on the same couch that I sit on to whatch tv). I like her, but I just feel that every time she comes over, I lose my brother. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
rzjmV32vWu9mQvQMfJQ7bsOzmMLCDeWT | b2f3r6 | null | AITA without realizing it? | So I just found out about this subreddit, and this has bothered me for a while. So, I figured I'd run it by you guys.
Way back when I worked retail, I had been gunning for a full-time position. I was working my ass off; honing my customer service skills, upselling, doing what I could to get in good with the boss and my coworkers, etc. Another employee who had been there longer got it instead. I was fine, as she had worked hard, too and had seniority. I knew that some other positions would probably open up in the future (as things do), and kept working hard, though.
Well a few months later, I was pulled in and offered the promotion to full time. The same position my coworker had gotten before. When I asked a coworker I was close friends with what was happening to her, he simply said that she was leaving. I assumed she had probably found a better position and quit. So, a few days later, I ran into her on break and she asked if I was excited about the promotion. I told her yes, and asked her where she was going (as in what company/line of work). She suddenly got this really bitter look on her face and just said "Nowhere" and left.
I asked my coworkers about it one night when she wasn't working, and while the few I was close with said she probably just took it the wrong way (apparently she had been struggling, but I honestly never noticed), my supervisor, who I was also relatively close with told me that it may have been my attitude. When I asked her what she meant, she said that when she first met me I seemed cocky and sarcastic, but she knew better as she got to know me. A lot of my other coworkers agreed.
I had never been told this my anyone before, but I've always had trouble making work friends. Even afterwards when I tried to be more aware of my tone and such. I'm not sure if it's my voice, or my ambition/excitement, or something else, but it's always bothered me since. I love people and always strive to live the Judy Hopps style of life: upbeat, ambitious, and genuine. I'm not sure where I went wrong, but if you have any ideas, please lmk.
Tl;Dr: Accidentally offended coworker. Other coworkers say I seem to have attitude if you don't know me well. Not sure how or where I went wrong. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
p2KCvAmkVep7oiXkv2VLLG7oc5yzCwuu | b5hg5o | {
"description": "not telling my parents about the Mensa score I got 6 months ago",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not telling my parents about the Mensa score I got 6 months ago | In September 2018 I did a Mensa IQ test out of curiosity and because some of my friends encouraged me to do it. At the end of the October I got the results back but didn't share them with many people, except the ones that explicitly asked about it multiple times before. One of those people is my teacher, whom my mother hates. The teacher saw me in the waiting hall before the test so she knew I was going to do the it. 6 weeks later she asked me about the result and I simply answered what I got. I myself didn't think the test was very important, so I didn't tell anyone, except the friends that encouraged me to try it in the first place. That number is around 5. In total around 8 people knew about the results, none of which is my family since I didn't think it was very important to tell any of them.
Fast forward to March 2019, during a casual conversation with my family I told them that I did the test and showed them the results. My mother was very happy for me at first, and pleasantly surprised that I did the test. When I mentioned that about 5 of my friends knew about it, none of my family members were very concerned or cared at all. I then also mentioned that my teacher, whom my mother really hates, also knows. My father and brother said that they didn't care and didn't see a problem with it. My mother however got really upset and said that I was being very rude. She said that I care more about the teacher than about her.
AITA for not telling my mother about it, and instead telling my teacher who I knew my mother hated? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
G1RzVtWtdyf9Lj9t4NuB4BPAmTrwvSib | 9xvvbc | null | AITA? I was offered a temp job, the next day I was offered a better job. | AITA? A friend of mine got me the in for an IT job in Illinois, it's a temp job until August as one of her co-workers has been deployed. Full disclosure, I had a DUI in Illinois a few years back and I'm working on getting clearance in Illinois to drive (I have one more hearing left) so I technically can't legally drive in Illinois. Regardless, I accepted the offer.
Of course, the very next day, I get another offer in Wisconsin (where I DO hold a valid license exactly in the area I was looking to move to and more pay it's a minimum 6 month contract and will likely be extended. AITA for taking the other job? How do I let the other job know I've accepted another offer? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
HBsaONoHjKqJwY8XcEf4YtdCXuKLG5Ty | aqt94p | {
"description": "feeling alone on Valentine's day",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for feeling alone on Valentine's Day? | My boyfriend and I woke up today and dealt with a lot of frustrating things around the house, he then had to go to work. I called out because I'm having extremely bad pains that will hopefully go away by tomorrow. We are poor so we cant do much today like "other couples." At work he told me we would spend the night together and I was stoked. He came home and gave me a few kisses, now hes on his ps4 talking to his male friend, which I believe he will be on for the whole night. They typically talk from dusk till dawn but they havent talked for a few weeks.
AITA for feeling frustrated and alone? I'm occupying myself with YouTube, yet cant shake the irritated feeling that I feel. I'm asking yall because I have PTSD issues so it's hard for me understand if these feelings are from my past or not, since I'm so frustrated I almost feel like I'm dreading every minute I'm trying to occupy myself with.
I want to tell him something but dont want to start an argument, because it would offend him and hes having fun. This is just my first valentines day so its huge for me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
HH6mPLbZWNYmsHvt2tgHotjJ8oik0HRZ | adutnu | {
"description": "making a joke about stealing",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for making a joke about stealing? | This didn't happen today, it happen 3-4 years ago, but I've thought about it pretty often since it did.
​
I came home from college for the summer, and got invited to a party with some friends from high school. Nothing crazy, just sitting around at this guys house, drinks some beers, all good. There were some people there that I don't know, including a Hispanic guy who, after he arrived, came to sit next to me and started flirting with me (I'm a girl). He was cute, so I flirted back, and we talked for a while until he asked if it would be okay if he went inside to put his bag somewhere. I said yes and joked that it would be fine, as long as he didn't steal anything.
​
When he went inside, an acquaintance from high school immediately got on my case. He told me what I said was ridiculously racist and offensive, and that he was surprised by me. He said that I needed to apologize the second the guy came back out. I was young and drunk and immediately felt terrible, so when the guy came back, I did apologize profusely. He seemed almost a little confused and accepted it, and we kept talking.
​
Was I the asshole here? I genuinely didn't intend to make a racist comment- I was drunk and flirting, and my sense of humor and flirting tends to be pretty "taking the piss out" of people, so it wasn't something that was out of the ordinary for me to say to someone. But I have felt bad about it ever since and it's one of those things that will keep me up at night, along with other awkward things I've done in the past. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
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