id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
WdYpI0aN5qroFTz7S5KzvVEueahU8fYt | b9can9 | {
"description": "thinking my friend should refund fundraising money people contributed to",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA if I think my friend should refund fundraising money people contributed to? | TL; DR at bottom.
A friend of mine started a fund campaign to raise money for her dog's surgery. It was legit, not a scam. Apparently there was a terribly painful injury to the dog that was getting worse and they wanted to raise $2,000 for the surgery ASAP. There weren't a ton of details about what the injury was or what the surgery was for exactly, but whatever, I gave a little bit.
Here's the AITA part: I found out through a third party that the dog didn't end up making it to surgery and had to be put down. AITA for thinking they should give the money back they raised? I didn't say anything and I'm not going to bug a grieving family over 25 bucks, but I just found it tacky they just kept the money meant for something specific that didn't happen.
TL; DR: Friend started fund campaign for their dog's surgery, which I gave to, but dog had to be put down before surgery. AITA for thinking they should give the money back? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 5
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
neYJpTkjO9WnPyjnFJEJ8DFVGe72sLon | 9w1s1z | {
"description": "hitting a girl who hit me first, then not apologizing",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For hitting a girl who hit me first, then not apologizing? | So this happened in highschool (so somewhere like 6-7 years ago)
I was leaving a class and someone came up behind me and smacked my ass, pretty hard too. I was actually bullied pretty hard at the time and I kinda had enough I turned and punched. Turns out it was a girl, and she was friends with the group of 5 that I had the most problems with.
When it happened I just said "oh shit." And someone else ran up and said "dude what the fuck."
I can honestly say that I didn't know it was her behind me and just turned and blind fired. I was in the mindset to just keep punching but after seeing it was a girl I backed up and was seriously confused I had no idea.
This later caused a fight between me and her four friends I mentioned above. They confronted me in the cafeteria that day and told me how I need to apologise and I used some choice language and told them no. She was a bully, and I'm not saying she deserved it because I realize now I shouldn't have retaliated physically no matter who it was. Anyways when I wouldn't apologise the four guys beat the crap out of me. It didn't last long teachers broke it up, but yeah I got my ass handed to me.
Anyways, my friends and I were talking and they said I should have apologised to her, but I still disagree.
AITA for hitting her and not apologising? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
CdsEqDGNAEgcgS3syo4Ox8I1zjN8HnIG | b7eee1 | {
"description": "not wanting to give my wife's daughter money",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 23
} | AITA for not wanting to give my wife's daughter money? | My wife and I married when her daughter was 17. She doesn't view me as her step father or any sort of father figure and I respect that.
My wife and I have one child who my wife stays home with. Her daughter (now 23) is now moving into an apartment and needs money for a deposit. My wife wants me to pay it but I think I shouldn't have to. I think this is for my wife and her ex to figure out. My wife argued that I should pay it because she doesn't make an income but she should have discretionary use of our funds. I think she's being absolutely ridiculous; I have no problem spending money on my own child or with my wife spending a reasonable amount of money on herself, but giving away $800 to her kid is a major ask. AITA for saying no? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 20,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 23
} | WRONG |
MlNihwfCamtQZzbIoCORslwbuXZtG1sP | akcu7v | {
"description": "telling SO's mom and the girl he cheated on me with that he cheated on me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling SO’s mom and the girl he cheated on me with that he cheated on me? | A little back story: I’ve been dating this guy for 2.5 years now. In late October of 2018, he told me he’d like to take a break to focus on applying for jobs. He’s currently working but isn’t happy with the job he has. We’re long-distance, he lives in the States and I live somewhere in Asia.
I was against the idea of having a break but he insisted. Both of our parents were against the idea as well.
He was completely cold to me in November and December. I told him each time that if he liked somebody else, or if he met somebody else, it’d be fine for him to tell me. It’d be better than for me to hold onto false hopes and kept on waiting for him. He told me each time that he still cared and loved me, would never cheat nor lie to me, and so on.
He told me that he was home for New Years with his male coworkers who are also his roommates. I found out couple of days later through a video his roommate posted that him and the other coworkers went to Atlanta instead (four hours away from where he lives), and throughout the whole video he was always with a girl. When I confronted him about it, he told me that it was just a video and nothing happened. He then asked me to get back together and invited me to go to Hawaii with his family for his dad’s 60th birthday.
I asked him if that was all he lied about and he said yes. I found out a week later that he actually went with the girl in the video to Atlanta during Christmas. His two other coworkers were going as well, but they took different cars. Four people who are going to a destination that’s four hours away taking different cars? Sounded way too silly even for me. When I asked him to explain this, he told me once again that he was sorry he lied and he really forgot that it happened. He told me nothing happened and she just slept throughout the whole car ride.
He told me again and again that he loved me. That he would be getting a green card by the end of the year so I shouldn’t worry about getting a US visa ever again. Anyway, I told him that I was uncomfortable that he was always hanging out with this girl and asked him to stop. He told me he never invited her to outings and that his roommates were always the ones who invited her. I then asked him if his coworkers thought we were broken up or still together—to which he answered his coworkers think we’re still together.
Last weekend, he told me he wanted to go to Atlanta again with his roommates to go to IKEA. I asked him not to because I think he should focus on applying for jobs, he’s really bad with controlling his spending, and his room is packed to the point he’d have nowhere to put new furniture in. He told me he’d just be going with the guys and would text me the whole time. On the day of the trip, he told me the girl would be joining them as well.
And then he never texted me. I texted him multiple times and he never once replied. He replied the next day saying he got back at 2AM, and that he doesn’t love me anymore so he doesn’t see us working out. I was fine with this—but I just wanted some closure and asked him to explain what happened during the Atlanta trip and if he actually cheated and liked the girl. It’s been five days and he never replied.
His roommate posted another video today and I found out they actually spent the night in Atlanta and he didn’t even come back home at 2AM. I sent him an e-mail saying that if he wouldn’t reply to my message, I’d just send the girl a message myself to seek for explanations for her. He replied to my messages in 2 minutes. Two fucking minutes. Said he was sorry, he was busy, he likes her. He’s saying he likes her after he told me he loves me and asked me to get back together.
I told him I’d send his mom and the girl messages anyway because he ruined my life. I wasted three months of my life on him cause he said he loved me and he wanted to get back together and not. I lost 5 kilograms, cried myself to sleep every single night. He begged me and told me to not please send them messages and he asked me how he even ruined my life.
I think I acted out of pure angriness but I sent his mom and the girl messages anyway. I’m not sure if the girl thinks he’s single or if she knows he’s still together with someone but is fine seeing him anyway. I thought I’d feel better after sending it but I just feel so bitter and childish, but I feel like if the girl didn’t know—then she should.
AITA and did I cross the line? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
wG9hQvX4m96gzz1D6L26ObANeus6yf99 | ank0vx | {
"description": "being useless round the house",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for being useless round the house? | So I'm 18 in a couple of weeks. I'm in college full time, I have a Saturday job and I also do driving lessons. My grades are good, my job is fine and driving is going well, I'm pretty responsible with all of them.
However, I grew up as an only child with a dad who is kinda control freaky. He always does the dishes and cooks, and is pretty weird about other people doing it because *standards*. Anyway today we had a silly argument and he threw it all in my face, going mad that I don't lift a finger. He got very personal and said some things that no kid wants to here from their parent.
So AITA for not really contributing with chores and stuff, or is he the asshole for being spiteful? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
a98dy4Qqk1wxFkK8hRe3nnwnWqbkc0M2 | b8utox | {
"description": "refusing to tip a stripper",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for refusing to tip a stripper? | A few friends and I went to Vegas for a weekend trip, and hit up a strip club on Saturday night. I'm not as well-off financially as my friends. My friends were planning on having a good time with strippers, but I decided I wasn't going to pay for any potential services, and instead just enjoy hanging out with my buddies. I tried to make that pretty clear to the strippers who approached me. Though I enjoyed chatting with them, and they seemed to enjoy chatting with me too, even after I told them I wasn't going to pay for anything (I ended up having a few 15 minute long conversations). But then there was this interaction:
A stripper approaches me, and asks what I'm looking for.
I respond, "I don't know, how much are your services?"
"It depends on what you want...how about about a few thousand?"
"That's a bit steep for me, I'm more of a hundreds kind of guy"
"That's fine, we can work something out..."
At this point, I was wavering in my commitment to not spend any money. She takes me for a walk around the club. We've interacted for no more than 2-3 minutes total at this point.
She asks again what I want to do. I've changed my mind again, and decide that I don't want anything after all. I tell her this.
She calls me out, saying that I had just said a few minutes prior that I'd pay her for \*something\*. I realize I'm being unfair and leading her on, so I'm direct tell her that I'm sorry for changing my mind, and that I'm not feeling it anymore.
She is now incredulous: "Why did you come to a strip club if you weren't planning on spending money?!?" (fair question...but I came mostly to spend more time with my friends in a new environment) and "how dare you touch me?" (I was holding her arm prior to this point, but had not touched any other part of her body)
I apologize again, and she immediately follows up by demanding that I tip her. She didn't specify an amount she wanted, but kept reiterating that I wasted her time. I only had a $20 and $50 bill in my wallet, and didn't think that either justified the opportunity cost of her time (around 5 minutes total at this point), so I told her that I couldn't tip her and I'm again sorry.
I realize I cost her time that she could've spent with another potential "client," but I find it a bit absurd that she demanded me to tip her just for 5 minutes of conversation (especially since I had spent significantly longer talking to some of her fellow strippers, who didn't make any demand of tipping)? I imagine she spends a nontrivial amount of time each night not interacting with any clients at all (e.g. walking around, drinking, etc.), and that it's also not uncommon for potential clients to turn her down.
AITA for not paying a hard working individual?
tl;dr Unexpectedly shafted a stripper. I spent 5 minutes talking to her, and refuse her services. She demands that I tip her for her time. I don't have an appropriate amount to tip her, so I refuse. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 9
} | RIGHT |
Ew1flV3tCgYJmWJT5C26m4p481ApcOHv | b004nd | {
"description": "wanting my friends pets to stay lost",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for wanting my friends pets to stay lost? | Horrible title, I know.
I have a friend who started off her pet collection with a beautiful Husky. She got him as a gift and at first everything was well. After a few months it became very apparent that he’s a very energetic dog and he spent the next 2 years of his life stuck for 12+ hours in a crate because her family did not want to take care of him. It was her dog, her responsibility. She works a full time job with overtime so you can imagine how much time this poor dog was alone.
Fast forward to today: he’s still quite energetic (gotten much better) but he’s slightly aggressive towards people and honestly he scares me whenever I go over.
She has since moved out on her own, which is great for her imo, but now she has a collection of animals.
When she moved out she took her Husky with her and another family dog. This little guy (a smaller mix) is aggressive towards other dogs and pees everywhere. He’s such a sweetheart when you give him attention but when you ignore him he’s a total asshole. He barks, destroys shoes and other items, will be aggressive towards the other pets, etc. And of course, she says he’s an asshole most of the time and has even commented in the past about wanting to give him up (she’s had this little one since before acquiring the Husky).
Over the course of her living on her own, she now has 4 animals total. 2 dogs and 2 cats. I don’t go over anymore because it’s become too much. The dogs fight over attention and the cats are every (which is typical for cats, no complaints there).
This is where my problem lies:
She’s had issues with her front door and her animals escape. It’s happened on more than one occasion. The Husky has escaped like 3 times. Every time I get phone calls with her freaking out and crying. She’s managed to find him everyone. Now, this past weekend one of her cats escaped because her husky ran out the door and she chased after it leaving the door open.
These animals have provided her emotional support through very tough times and I know she loves them very dearly. They hold a lot of sentimental value to her - especially that Husky. However, it breaks my heart to say that I don’t think she’s a good pet owner. She can barely manage that Husky let alone 4 animals total.
I have expressed that maybe getting more animals isn’t the best thing. She talks about needing money, working more overtime along with other things that just lead me to believe that these animals aren’t getting the attention they need.
So everytime one of them escapes, a little part inside me hopes that she doesn’t find them because maybe they’ll be better off in a new home. Obviously I haven’t told her this, she’d be destroyed. But I just can’t help it.
AITA for feeling this way? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
9d8STJ5NJ5VjwSxovTiIHz9NLt3p8OKg | ah748v | {
"description": "not wanting to go on my friends birthday trip",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to go on my friends birthday trip? | So some background info, basically we're all in college and I'm already broke as it is. Usually in college you might get a card and a little present from a your friend and you'd be ecstatic. But it's coming up on this girl's bday and it's her first bday away from home, given that our school is only 2 hours from her hometown and she's going home the weekend after her bday anyway, it didn't seem that big a deal to me. But she made this giant deal about how her mom always decorates her room with streamers and balloons on her b'day and she doesnt know how she's gonna cope without that. Then she offered to buy her own decorations if we put them up, which means she basically expects a giant celebration. We had already gotten her a card and gifts and we're gonna leave it at that, but now she wants this too. Her mom even texted us to make sure we were doing something, b/c her daughter would be so heartbroken if this didn't happen.
Then she casually mentions how excited she was for her bday trip to the beach this year, and we were like yeah! I'm sure you'll have fun! And she then mentioned how we were going to and we were very confused given she had never mentioned this trip and also never asked us to go? The trip is next week and frankly I'm a big planner so this is very last mintue for me, i kind of just wanted the stay on campus to finish my he that weekend, I was never asked to go, and I'm pretty annoyed with her at the moment anyways for a variety of other reasons so I really don't want to go. The trip is also supposed to be somewhere that takes about a 3-1/2 hour drive for a one night trip and it's pretty expensive which I know her mom can't afford right now. She also keeps changing the plan every 3 seconds. So I just want to know, AITA for wanting to skip out? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
MSZ1xuTP05o5g1GMErQNUcJz67bQnbPv | a4w1zg | {
"description": "sending an angry email to my teacher about how she's never teaches us anything",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 17
} | AITA For sending an angry email to my teacher about how she’s never teaches us anything? | I took a computer science course this year of high school (junior). I went into this class actually interested in computer science, but her class ruined it for me. She spends the entire period on her laptop and expects us to read the entire lesson and figure it out on our own. Maybe I am being an entitled high schooler but I thought teachers were paid to teach and not sit on their computer all day while the students figure it out on their own. Almost the entire class agrees with me and thinks the exact same thing i do. This is also a private school where tuition is very expensive (6-8k a year). I feel like my parents are getting straight robbed because of this one class. This is what the email says “You act like its our fault that we don’t know the answers even though you never teach us anything. You spend all class on your computer instead of teaching us and get mad when we decide to do other work during the period. You act like we should be able to read the lesson and understand it on our own.” | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 17
} | RIGHT |
2tMzpPzs4MCPJRvDJSQkh2wxgPMG7E3a | argpt7 | {
"description": "making a friend of mine feel stupid for being excited about a \"gift\" he received from his employer of 8 years",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 30
} | AITA for making a friend of mine feel stupid for being excited about a "gift" he received from his employer of 8 years? | So "Jesse"(m42) and I(m37) have been friends for going on 20 years. I'm the entrepreneurial type, he's the just keep your head down and work hard and the American dream will automatically come type. Jesse has 3 jobs. He works at a car wash during the day, then parks trucks for UPS, then finishes off most his nights doing valet for a restaurant.
The car wash is the 8-year gig. Jesse works hard asf. He's never late, never calls in sick, always down to come in on his days off if he's called in. Super trooper for real. The problem is, his starting wage was $7.25/hr....fast forward 8 years he now makes $8.15/hr. To add insult to injury the employees must split tips. And since washing cars is such a menial profession he's the 42-year-old working hard to survive while surrounded by co-workers who are mostly fuck ups or high school kids on break who just don't care.
He's the workhorse and his employers take advantage of it full tilt. If he wants a day off to go check out the Bengals(his fave team) he damn near has to beg. When he's tried to bring up raises in the past management manipulates him into thinking his requests are non-sensical. Almost every day he tells me the BS he has to deal with from managers and co-workers and almost every day I tell him how he deserves better and should look for better but he kind of shuts down when I make these suggestions.
So a couple days ago he comes to my place all smiles and suuuper excited. Like "bro, guess what happened at work." I'm thinking ohhhh shit, this mf finally got a raise. He tells me that their busy as all hell when the owner pulls up and gets out of his car looking pissed as fire. As soon as he gets out he points at Jesse and orders him over to the car, hands on his waist pacing back and forth clearly irritated. According to Jesse he literally runs over to the owners car. When Jesse gets over there, the owner switches up and begins to explain how much he appreciates Jesse for his hard work and YEARS of dedication to the business.
The owner then tosses Jesse the keys to the car and pauses for a moment. Long enough of a moment to give Jesse the thought that the owner just gave him the car. The owner then chuckles and says nahhh I cant give you the beamer but I got you something else, open the trunk and check it out. Jesse takes the keys, opens up the trunk,(Again I'm thinking to myself like...it better be a kilo of bam bam or at least 3 mac book pros in that bitch) and feasts his eyes on...a mf'n air fryer.
Jesse is telling me this shit like he's the luckiest dude in the world, and I, somewhat regrettably so begin to dismantle every bit of his excitement by describing how much of an insult and slap in the face this "gift" from his employer is. I'm telling him shit like "you should've thrown that air fryer across the damn street and told him to go fuck himself" etc etc. My rant probably lasted 3 minutes and at the end of it I look at his face and he looks embarrassed and somewhat ashamed. He's not looking at me while he say's "well I thought it was pretty cool I really wanted one of those things". I again go into explaining why he should feel disrespected and not appreciated until I snap out of it. Then he tells me maybe I'm right, followed by "well I gotta get to my other job" but I really feel like he just left because I shit all over his good day. What's your take? AITA
TL:DR Friend of mine has been working at a place that's given him less than a dollar raise in 8 years. Owner gives him an air fryer to show appreciation. My friend feels good about it until I make him feel bad about it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 30,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 30
} | WRONG |
ac8rlmUNZng2z2nGcjLHbOahuAJ0imXG | amj8fc | {
"description": "telling my husband he needs to save his money better",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my husband he needs to save his money better? | First of all, I have ADHD & even though this took me about an hour to piece together it still may be sporadic & hard to read, sorry about that.
I can admit, I’m a bit of a control freak when it comes to money & I’m great at saving, but him not so much. It used to be A LOT worse, & he’s gotten better which i congratulate him on often, but is still a bit of an issue. He’s an impulsive buyer, doesn’t think about his purchases much, doesn’t buy the cheapest option out of the 2, eats out quite a bit, buys coffee, takes unnecessary toll roads (which are expensive in Sydney) etc. So never HUGE purchases, just small purchases that really add up over time.
We both don’t make great income (combined, maybe 80k at most) and we’re trying to save for a house and travel. We have about 75k~ savings, however, when we got married, we combined our incomes & I contributed about 65k to that amount. He gets really confused “where his money goes even though he puts away $500 a week,” which of course is impossible as he’d have WAY more saved if he really did save a grand a week- so theres some cognitive dissonance going on there.
I tell him bluntly, but compassionately that he’s spending more than he realises & to download the same spending app the I have to have a comprehensive write up on where his money is going. This doesn’t go down well, he tells me I'm being controlling, condescending & treating him like my son & not an adult & that he doesn’t tell me how to spend my money so I shouldn’t do that to him. I would never “forbid” or tell him what to do, but its really affecting our saving efforts so I just gave him a suggestion, seeing as its what I do & it works as, before we married, I had significantly greater savings than he did. Am I really being controlling & in the wrong?
TL;DR- told my husband he spends way too much money, told him how he can save & he told me i'm being controlling. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
IJDCOcEbKc2Wl8bOcmJrgWhyLsOIzvtb | b8mcvo | {
"description": "not chipping somones brush for free",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not chipping somones brush for free? | Sorry for formatting, on mobile.
Im an arborist. For those who dobt know i trim/remove trees.
Today we had a job trimming three rather large trees at a customers house. Biung we were working in Denver, we have to keep the street and sidewalk clear of the brush we cut down. We had one guy in a lift bucket on one tree, one guy climbing the second, and a guy on the roof cutting the third tree. So brush is constantly falling and im continuously running around grapping the brush throwing it in the chipper and keeing the walk and street clear.
Customers neighbor comes up to me as askes if we can chip some limbs, he has about 20 of them ranging fron 6 to 10 feet. Honestly about 5 minuts of work and our chip truck was still close to empty. So i told him i would for $20, (would split it with rest of crew) which is very fair considering the convienance and the time im taking away from our current (paying) customer.
He didnt believe that was fair, cause all i had to do was just stick them in our chipper, hardly any work at all. He didnt want to pay that, so i said " sorry sir, cont do it for free." He called me an asshole, and i got back to work.
The thing is, i take pride in my work. (Our whole crew does). This is a trade skill, a lot of time and hard work goes into this job, especally to get certified. I love my job but i wont do it for free. I doubt he would ask a plumber, electrician, or a mechanic for some quick free work, i dont see my line of work any different.
Tldr;
Customers neighbor asked if i could chip his brush while were at it, i told him i would for $20. He didnt want to pay that so i didnt chip his stuff. Neighbor call me an asshole. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
RoSmawek1hgXM5ToNYSWhrk74cu3MrQk | amwntt | {
"description": "being angry with my wife for mistakenly causing our child to poke herself in the eye with a fork",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for being angry with my wife for mistakenly causing our child to poke herself in the eye with a fork? | About two nights ago, my wife and I were eating dinner at home with our nearly three year old daughter. Our daughter was screwing around like a typical toddler and reached for my wife's fork. My wife held on to the fork and was asking our daughter what she wanted while holding onto it. Our daughter kept pulling it toward her, and during this whole thing the fork ended up in the air with the point end at toddler-head level and both of them pulling on the fork. I saw what was about to happen and started to say "Don't let go!", but only got to "D-" as my wife let the fork go, and the force from our daughter pulling pulled it right into her cheekbone. The fork came within a half inch of her eye.
I immediately got silent and gathered my words because my first thought was to ask my wife what in the name of God's fucking fuck was going through her head, but I stayed calm. She apologized to our daughter and felt bad, but was apologizing in the same tone you might use if you accidentally tripped a kid or something minor like that.
When my wife finally asked me if something was wrong, I let out a sigh because I knew this was going to start a fight, and I said in an annoyed tone, "She almost got poked in the eye". Wife starts talking about how she didn't see that the fork was pointed at her eye, how she "can't always see 5 steps ahead", and in my eyes making excuses. Then she told me "it's like how you forget to not pick her up by her arms after she got injured", and I got really pissed.
She was referring to about a month ago, our daughter was pulling me around in a restaurant and she turned her arm wrong and got a minor dislocation in her elbow. We went to the ER, it turned out to be minor and we were out within an hour. And in the month since then I've forgotten a few times about the doctor's orders not to pick her up by the arms.
So she told me that her negligently almost causing our daughter to lose or damage her eyesight is the same as me forgetting what the doctor said and risking a minor childhood injury with about 1 in 100000 chance of actually happening. In an angry tone, not yelling, I told her it really bothered me that she equated the two and tried to turn my anger at the situation around on me. She said I was talking to her like I'm so superior, and I told her in an angry voice that "I don't just wait around for you to fuck up so I can be like 'oh I'm so much better than wife's name', me forgetfully risking a minor injury is not the same as LOSS OF SIGHT!".
After that I walked away from the dinner table, we went about our daily routines, but now we haven't been talking to each other.
Background story:
My wife tends to not pick up after herself and likes to leave things in a place of least effort. This extends to food on the counter, knives on the counter, cups left in the bathroom, etc. I tend to nag my wife about leaving stuff out, and I tend to not filter my words, we've had a few fights about this. Once our daughter started getting old enough to reach the counter I started getting more on my wife's case about leaving things on the counter and not paying attention. One day, my wife left a bowl of hot soup on the counter and our daughter reached up and dunked her entire hand into the soup. Luckily she only got first degree burns, but she was crying really hard and my wife felt terrible. I was furious with her and we had a very serious argument, and similarly she tried to turn it against me by saying that I was being unfair. That her guilt should be enough and she shouldn't have to be made to feel like shit, that I should support her. We talked bout it and worked it out eventually.
I feel justified in my anger, and because of this and the soup incident I feel like my wife's absent-mindedness might someday lead to a really serious injury. She feels like it wasn't a big deal. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
2qJZUM5RzeLV9RHFlcgmxCMtDdWECiEt | 9x5dce | {
"description": "\"dumping\" a girl who screamed at me on our 3rd date",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for "dumping" a girl who screamed at me on our 3rd date? | My friend set me up with an ex coworker of hers because I was telling her how hard it was to find someone to date after leaving college and working on a very male-dominated field.
We hit it off pretty good and we went on two pretty good dates. We had lots in common and the conversation flowed naturally between us. One thing that ticked me off though was that she had a slight “princess” attitude when we first started talking, but I figured it wasn’t that big of a deal.
Well, during the third date we’re at a restaurant and she’s complaining about something on her phone that’s not working. I’m good with tech so I start suggesting things for her to do and try to fix it and she just snaps out of nowhere and screams at me “I ALREADY DID THAT!” Of course everyone turns to look at us and I’m just cringing and trying to ignore it. I ask for the check and drop her home (she wanted me to come in but I said I was tired and needed to sleep).
Next day she starts texting me like nothing happened asking what I wanna do this week and so I just sent her a text saying something along the lines of “Hey I think you’re a great girl but this is not really working for me, good luck!” And she just responds “Fuck you” (LOL).
Now, I don’t give a shit about her tbh but now my friend called me and said I was an asshole and that I’m exaggerating for dumping her after a single outburst. Am I exaggerating and being an asshole or is the girl in question the asshole here? Or are we all just a bunch of assholes? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
MumfnFb6ouiiKE09qbK0qYfpGSYJURMe | alaa60 | {
"description": "not wanting to have a going-away party for myself",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for not wanting to have a going-away party for myself? | I am moving away from home two states away to start my new job. My mom has decided to throw a party the day before I leave and has invited a ton of people including family and some of my friends, but mostly family. She did this without asking me or telling me about it. I just randomly saw it as an event on Facebook
I am not one to be the center of attention and I usually don’t like the spotlight to be on me. I usually just like my accomplishments to be known but not recognized. I usually don’t like to make a big to-do of my birthday or anything like that. Didn’t really want to have a graduation party for high school, mom threw one anyway. Didn’t have one for college, I was fine.
I know that I won’t be coming home often and it would be nice for everyone that wants to see me to be able to come and chat for a little while but I’m just not into it.
So would I be the asshole if I just asked my mom to call the whole thing off completely and we just go out to eat with a smaller group of friends or family. She’s had it planned for a few days now and I don’t want to hurt her or anyone else that planned on seeing me or seem selfish just because I don’t want something but I just don’t like these events or whatever you want to call them. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
sGJZgOmzTXPvxACoJCxj70SlX0M4J04q | b9ch3n | {
"description": "keeping nudging my friend to get her child evaluated",
"pronormative_score": 43,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA if I kept nudging my friend to get her child evaluated? | I’ll admit, I know NOTHING about motherhood. I am not a mother and I have never had a child. But, I have lived the majority of my life as an undiagnosed autist and being on the spectrum has tremendously impacted my life in social and in educational ways. My friend has a child who is almost 3 and still doesn’t speak, and still exhibits a lot of characteristics below someone of her age group. She had listed and complained about a lot of symptoms that correlate with some kind of mental impediment, but when I asked if she ever got her child evaluated, she said.. “Evaluated for what? There’s nothing wrong with my child.” I’m not trying to pry but she’s constantly complaining about her behavior.... and I can’t help but to think how lonely and confused I was growing up undiagnosed. It impacted my life in ways that cant be mended. Would I be the asshole if I gently mentioned the benefits of evaluation and therapy to her? I try not to be too forward. Nobody likes to be lectured. I think deep down, she has too much pride. She lost her last child in a legal battle and I think she is scared to lose her other child. I’m not trying to force anything on her, but I want her to think of it as an option. Am I the asshole? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 32,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 11,
"INFO": 5
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 43,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
45ZL6VuHkDaVZvlNqXZmW7TVmcChawWn | azic5x | {
"description": "not going to my coworkers birthday lunch",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not going to my coworkers birthday lunch? | a coworker of mine is having a little get together at a bar in the middle of a sunday. my coworker invited me but i am not feeling it, as i’ve had a long weekend and usually like to cook and clean most of sunday. i understand that it is her birthday and it was nice of her to extend the invitation, however, we have near to nothing in common. I have tried to hang out with her outside of work and she always seems to sort of rely on other people for the entertainment. she will use phrases like “where’s the excitement?”, “are you guys having fun?” and will stare at me waiting for me to initiate conversation. basically the reason i don’t want to go is because we don’t have things in common, we don’t have fun together, and i’m honestly tired of “putting on face” to create this good time she’s looking for. am i the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
5G9Q4kQBqrRAYFcY9OALWUFy0ufVIDd1 | azcsvr | null | AITA: Created a fake fraternity with 3 close friends, an actual greek org is pissed | Hello,
I am the “ring leader” of a fake fraternity that my close friends and I created as a joke between us. We’re very close and decided to give our group a name. The letters are just a joke between us and that’s that. We arnt chartered by the school, we don’t recruit and we don’t have a pledge process. We have made shirts and bought a flag to signify our friendship. The joke is we all are all not fond of greek life, it’s just not for us, so we kind of did our own thing that isn’t real.
A greek org that I pledged early in college and dropped because of hazing is now flaming me on social media because they assume it’s a crack at them. While I do not like greek life or what it stands for, the fake frat was never intended to be a slam at their thing.
They are really putting me on the spot and I don’t know if i’m actually the asshole in the situation. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
S8azuq7ayqY9N15sZwfSFc7ukRb7MEzB | b61pil | {
"description": "getting irritated",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For getting irritated? | So my other half says various things to me and gets upset when I react. This morning, I got up at 05:45 and took one dog out for 90 mins. Got back, dried him off and in the midst of this, the other dog was disturbed and got up.
She starts moaning and whining, I was rushing to get myself ready to take her out and ran into the bedroom to grab something. The other half, throws the covers off of her in a dramatic fashion, and snaps “Don’t worry, I’m getting up to deal with her.”
This happens all the time, I find these comments snarky and unnecessary as I was clearly dressed and just returning with the other dog. She gets upset as she thinks there’s nothing wrong with her attitude and comments. Am I The Asshole for getting annoyed? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
PtJG6BgUGTobIpcqxwhBlFzF61WSQLCO | ay6cmo | {
"description": "telling my friend her boyfriend needs to shape up",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for telling my friend her boyfriend needs to shape up? | background: my best friend, lets call her B, has been dating another one of my friends, let's call him G, for close to a month now.
​
i’ve realized i don’t like them dating too much since B always starts acting a bit different whenever she gets into a relationship. she becomes a lot more defensive and aggressive and i’ve talked to her about it and she says she doesn’t really know why it happens, but she said it would be different in this relationship. i trusted her, but i still dislike them dating. i haven’t told them about this upfront, but i have told another one of my friends, let's call her T (she's in our little friend circle).
​
now last month or maybe a little earlier, G got upset at one of his friends because they said something offensive to his 14-year-old sister when they wanted to come over and G wasn't there. G said his friend had "no class" and specifically said "you can say all the shit you want about me, but you don't touch family."
​
today, someone came up to G and was almost about to fight him because G made a joke to a peer about his brother going back to his war-torn country. G knew he didnt know the full story and he knew he was making an insensitive joke.
​
after, i met with 2 of my friends (T and B) and T said that G was being super hypocritical and he shouldn't have touched family at all, especially since he made a big deal about his sister. i didn't agree at first but after her explaining it to me, i realized how bad that is. B said she'd talk to him about it, and i said straight up to her "G needs to shape up". i had to leave immediately because i was meeting someone across town, so i said bye, hugged everyone and was on my way.
​
when i got home i got a text from T saying that "B kinda got offended nd feels bad that you just said G needs to shape up". i was confused, so after asking her, she responded with "she said you made her feel bad about her relationship". i told her i'd apologize to B but i'm not taking back what i said about G. i texted B and she said that it's fine and she's over it, but i still feel like there's a lot of tension. am i the asshole?
​
Summary: my friend's boyfriend has previously been defensive of people insulting his family. however, he made an insensitive joke about someone else's brother. in a discussion about the situation, i told my friend that her boyfriend needs to shape up. she said i made her feel bad about her relationship. i then apologized but i feel like there's still tension.
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
r2z0kfsAIOfGbABLD8VVyDWEVqboNOBQ | alejwj | {
"description": "talking too much",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for talking too much? | A little backstory: I'm 39f, my husband is 53. His son is 30 and his son's GF is 28. She's expecting a baby boy in March. They've been visiting more since she became pregnant and I'm delighted every time they come. My husband and I have been together for 14 years.
So last night my husband and I had his son and his girlfriend over. They brought their puppy to play with our dog, we ordered pizza, had drinks, and I thought it was really fun. I will say that I got tipsy, but I wasn't drunk, and I'm not a mean or offensive person when drinking. I do have a little social anxiety, and sometimes I talk too much. My husband cut me off and talked over me several times while I was telling a random story, or just replying to something. Always while I was speaking to his son.
After they left I asked him about this, as it's not at all the first time, and it really bothers me. His answer is that when I drink I "go on and on" about things. Basically he made me feel like I annoy his family and that I bother him. I told him that although he hadn't said exactly that, that's how he makes me feel. Also, in doing that, I'm realizing that I think he's made me feel like his son doesn't like me. I've always felt a bit out of place around him, and I think that may be part of the reason why.
In any case, we got into a big argument about it. I do know that I talk too much sometimes, and I don't want to bore people. So, AITA? Should I really just shut up? His son visits to see him, not me, anyways. I'm just at a loss.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
FFqsr6JFcdSTLJNVwIUicuZBXDhcV2q3 | a9snvz | {
"description": "breaking with my girlfriend after she denies me at work",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for breaking with my girlfriend after she denies me at work | AITA for breaking with my girlfriend after she denies me at work
​
Me (35 M) and my now ex girlfriend (27 F) , have been dating for over seven months, we met at our current job and what started as non serious and ocasional relationship evolved into dating. This relationship has ben really toxic with constant fights although we like each other very much and the sex the is the best we both ever had.
This morning after we spent the night together, I bought breakfast for both of us , when I asked her to have breakfast together at the cafeteria at our job, she decided it to have it alone, since the doesn't want our co workers to know that we have come back together after several breakups. We finally ended up eating alone in separate tables.
I respected her decision although it seems to be that she is completely denying me and I broke with her.
AITA for breaking with my girlfriend after she denies me at work?
Sorry for the grammar English is not my native language | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
TKIXUC0LcW9BiOGx61R8XQS0sKP3NsEq | al69ng | {
"description": "letting my son wear my husband's clothes",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for letting my son wear my husband’s clothes? | My son is 16 and I allow him to occasionally borrow clothes from my husband’s closet to supplement his wardrobe, especially in “winter” because we only have about two weeks of chilly temperatures where we live and it seems wasteful to spend money on warm clothes that may or may not be needed.
My son is very responsible and has never ruined or lost anything that doesn’t belong to him. This morning it was really cold so I gave him a zip up jacket from my husband’s closet. When my husband came home, he was super annoyed even though he didn’t need it today for himself. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 12
} | WRONG |
iPWbTOEge2yCKhhfAMkWZiqsnK3mpbWJ | a8xbhv | {
"description": "raising my voice at my husband whom walked in on me making his Christmas gifts",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for raising my voice at my husband whom walked in on me making his Christmas gifts | It’s seriously two days before Christmas.. I’m stressed because I’ve had projects planned for gifts since October and I have not gone a single week without working on homemade gifts in our guest room/my arts and crafts room. My husband has his office with his games and electronics while I like to go upstairs in this room and claim it for my own pleasurable, creative, get-away zone. All but a few gifts are completed by now, but there’s a few special ones I was planning to make for my husband—involving a black and white photo collage of his very beloved deceased grandparents—and among fun times with friends and family—these are not done yet.
Every time I’ve been in that room, my husband thinks it’s funny to mess with me by opening the door and waltzing in with his eyes closed or doing a little spin so he can’t see anything but jokingly will try me. He knows I’ve been in this room each week doing Christmas things. It was cute the first few times but this is serious for me right now with Christmas around the corner. These gifts are very sentimental, even for me while making them..
It was after Thanksgiving that I accidentally walked into his office to talk but he was wrapping some gifts for me. He made a quick yelp and without another thought I quickly shut my eyes and closed the door, turning away and apologizing. I didn’t see a thing. I scampered off to do something else in the mean time.
Fast forward to last night. My husband wanted his guys over for their own gift exchanges. I said that’s fine and I left them to it to go upstairs and work without interruptions. I found it to be delightful to be alone to my crafts after hostessing our house an early Christmas to our local families earlier in the day. I was running off of 5 hours of crappy sleep. The boys got very rowdy playing games, had a few beers, and 4 hours later left the house. I’m still in the guest room, now feeling flustered that one of the frames isn’t cooperating with my crafting, when my husband slams open the door to come into the room with wide goofy eyes. I quickly scramble up to his view because his gifts are EVERYWHERE in sight with my mess. He doesn’t even close his eyes or turn around like normal. He steps forward and I ask him to please leave. He does not. His eyes dart around behind me and I’m getting upset as he takes a few more steps into the room before looking back at me and asking: why I’m still up here working, it’s been hours!, why can’t we hang out, what am I doing and what is all this stuff, before lastly stating that he didn’t see anything (all while still shuffling to get past me). I became a little irate at this and started stepping into him to back out of the room and leave. I shut the door while I hear him complaining down the hall about how mean I was and that I ruined his evening.
I calmed down and closed up “shop” to go talk to him. I’ve been working really hard to not lose my cool in conversation lately. A little self-care/self-practice if you will. And to also have reasonable thoughts to back up my claims as I tend to get emotional fast and fly off the hook, inappropriately. At this point, I’ve calmly explained my feelings to my husband.. that he firstly didn’t knock and had disrespected me and my boundaries when I asked him to leave the room, that he’s blaming me for ruining yet another one of his Christmases because I can’t blow this thing off, that I’m upset he can’t hold himself accountable for his actions knowing damn well what I was doing in that room as if anything has changed over the past two months, and that this little game of his isn’t cute or funny anymore and he has disappointed me at this point. I honestly don’t even know why I tried so hard this Christmas...
Although I might have yelled or snapped a little in the moment I needed him to leave my crafts, not once did I ever raise my voice during our conversation about why I felt upset and instead he just kept raving and blaming me for it all. I tried using that time I walked in on him as a perfect example of respecting someone enough to leave the room...but forget about it. He wasn’t having it.
So now I guess ITA for once again ruining this favorite holiday of my husband’s because I take my preparations to give him a great day too seriously and “freak out”. Every last 8 years.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
45Gva3cNYlR1k99TYPXVaDSpwsyZ6fjp | b0s8wr | {
"description": "being annoyed with my friend for wanting to go to happy hour the same day we agreed to hang out",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being annoyed with my friend for wanting to go to happy hour the same day we agreed to hang out? | So my friend and I decided earlier this week to hang out tomorrow and I would spend the night at her place. Today while we were texting, she mentioned she wants to go to happy hour with her work team tomorrow after work and that it could potentially interfere with our hangout.
I live very far away from her and get up early for work (we both work for the same company so she gets up at the same time as me). Because I live so far from her and she said the happy hour could end up going late, I said it wouldn't make sense for me to go to her place once she's done with happy hour, which I agreed. Right now we've agreed that I'll bring sleepover stuff and if happy hour goes too late, I'll just go back home.
After we agreed with this, I told her I was annoyed with the fact that she was changing plans on me and that I would not have done the same to her. She argued that if the roles were reversed, she wouldn't have minded me going to happy hour. I completely disagree with her on this and think when you make plans with someone, you shouldn't make new plans with anyone else that could possibly interfere with yours.
She also asked me if I'd rather she just not go to happy hour and hang out with me and I told her no because it was obvious she wants to go to HH. I get I kind of shot myself in the foot here, but I dont want to stop her from doing something she really wants to either.
So what do you think, Reddit? AITA for overreacting or am I justified here. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
1FDf8Q3TvXVo2Px22GcW1xOOuX1a1VvB | aglgnb | {
"description": "telling my father he eats too much",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for telling my father he eats too much? | My dad is 63 and recently decided to "retire." The only problem with this is he's been sitting around, watching native YouTube videos, and seems rather depressed.
He's turned to food as his vice. He's constantly hungry. Most of our food in the house is Paleo, and rather expensive, and he's been plowing through it like there's no tomorrow. I am a Nursing student and generally take care of very sick (mostly due to avoidable conditions!) people who chose not to take care of themselves in their adult-life. These people are, in all honesty, a burden to the healthcare system (can't walk because their so obese, have to wait on them hand and foot like it's a hotel!) and I fear throwing out my back or knee helping them stand up on a regular basis.
So, when I got home from clinical and noticed and entire bag of unopened chips and cream cheese missing, I lost it. I told him I'm not going to take care of him when he is old and sick if he doesn't take care of himself. However, I also live under his roof and he pays for the food. He got very angry with me and said I had no right to tell him what to eat. He is not speaking to me right now because he's so hurt "I would disrespect him like this."
He is not obese, but has non-alcoholic fatty liver (he looks pregnant) which is sure to lead down the road to some painful illnesses. He is also diabetic. I worry for him mostly about liver and kidney failure. I also have become a little obsessive over diet/weight since I've seen truly how bad it can get in one's life when you don't take care of yourself.
AITA since I live in his house that I don't have the right to monitor how he eats? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
igpbWDtJKalMtKZ5h7igSvcTK18MdLcl | atb84d | {
"description": "looking at porn",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for looking at porn? | My girlfriend doesn’t like when I look at porn, she says it makes her feel bad about herself. I try not to do it when she’s around but today she came home while I was and got really mad at me. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
RUwsrZHLFbuzPRnfmRbjynHrFkQsfNrH | agm9i0 | null | AITA for tellimg my ex to go through with it when she threatened to kill herself to win an argument? | If you read my title and automatically assume i'm an asshole, then I agree with you. I might as well give some context though.
So, a little back story. I met my (now-ex) girlfriend (we'll call her Carol) 3 years ago through a mutual friend. We hit it off almost immediately. We both had the same interests and lived close enough that we started doing things together. As things got more serious between us, it became clear we both deal with depression and had a family history involving them. When I was 12, i walked in on my mom's hanging body and Carol had multiple members of her family who had committed suicide. We were able to somewhat bond over these issues and began to share and confide issues with each other.
Recently, though, me and Carol have had some issues. I don't know how relevant they are but Carol quit her job and moved into my apartment in June last year. She said she did this to find a place that gave her less hours but to my knowledge she has not looked for a new job and has no plans to. This has frustrated me to no end as it seems she expects me to support her for the foreseeable future with no plans of her own to help out.
Because of this, we have been arguing more and more. And ever since this has started, she always says "Well, maybe i'll just kill myself" to end an argument. At first when she did this, I stopped arguing with her and either dropped the issue or let her vent to me. As time went on though, she's been using this more and more for simpler and simpler issues. And when I don't drop whatever subject we were arguing about immediately when she says this, she storms off and claims I "don't love her and want her to kill herself."
This whole issue has been eating me up more and more with each day. So much so that I honestly don't even talk to her much anymore. Along with this, an ex-boyfriend of her's reached out to me on facebook last week to talk to me. According to him this is not the first time she's done this. Their relationship ended when she began to threaten to kill herself when she would not get her way.
With everything that's been going on, i've been super stressed and honestly on the verge of tears most days. This Sunday was the final straw. Carol asked me for something, I said no and an argument broke out. As normal, she brought up a threat of suicide. This time, though, she said that she "hopes I find her hanging like I found my mom". This broke me down and I yelled at her "If you're going to do it just do it you bitch. Honestly, I hope you do. Will make my life a hell of a lot easier, Just know I won't be here to find you". As I said that I loaded a backpack with everything I wanted and stormed out with her begging me not to go and apologizing. I drove 3 hours that night and have been staying with my dad since. She's called me over a 100 times and I;ve ignored each one. When I told my dad what happened he became livid and told me to "burn the bridge now".
I feel like a mess right now. I loved her and right now I just feel empty toward everything. My dad is planning on driving the 3 hours tomorrow and moving everything out of the apartment and is telling me to find a new place away from her. Carol has also been going on a facebook rant since then and telling everyone I stormed out because i didn't love her.
I don't know anymore. I just feel like I messed up horribly and what I did was unforgivable. Am I a major asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
nRlvQDxjpOREAk24AAErlGkCSth1thGg | ah7wzn | {
"description": "ignoring my grandma's text messages",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for ignoring my grandma's text messages? | More often than not I ignore my grandma's texts, and my boyfriend just got upset with me about it. Up until a few years ago I really loved my grandmother, but then my mom opened up to me about her childhood. My mother was physically and emotionally abused by my grandmother, and then kicked out and forced to live with my grandfather (they're divorced, as my grandma cheated on him), where my mother was physically abused by her step-mother. Basically, my grandma is a terrible person by all accounts. But when my mother was an adult, my grandma got sick (multiple sclerosis) and saw it as a sort of punishment from God and tried to be better. Considering she cleaned up her act and only wanted to be a loving grandmother, my mom decided we should have a relationship with her, and she really has always been sweet to me. The fact is, I've never been able to look at her the same way since my mom told me about how she treated her. My boyfriend says I should answer her texts since she's old and doesn't see much of anyone due to her MS -- she can't get around so well. He also thinks I'm being a dick since my mom has clearly forgiven her, but the way my mom looked when she told me about her past, I really don't think she has. I know she's my grandma, but I don't want her in my life. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
PjjhTuczLHmgkQwX9qwWHDZHmlxYtQbo | b50zh0 | {
"description": "not wanting driving lessons for my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting driving lessons for my birthday | So my Birthday is coming up and I've discussed this with my mum multiple times ( it's my 18th so she wanted to make sure that I enjoyed it).
We talked it over and decided driving lessons wouldn't be the best. We can't afford a car for me, she needs her car and even if I could buy one the insurance would kill me. So we decided a phone would be more appropriate as mine is quite old and on it's way out (it's from the whole family). We can get a contract deal for cheap so I could afford it going into University.
She just came to me like 30 minutes ago saying she discussed it with the family and they were going to get me driving lessons. Her reasoning was that I could just get refresher lessons once I can afford a car and could get a job as a delivery driver and it would save a lot of hassle when I actually get a car. I disagree because my phone won't last much longer ( it's 5 years old now and very slow) and I won't be able to afford to replace it in Uni, there are other jobs that don't require a car and the public transport in the city I'm going to is very good. I believe I need something that will help me whilst I'm strapped for money as a student as opposed to something I can save for later. I'm going off what I saw with my cousin who was in a very similar situation to me. She got lessons, ended up not using a car all through Uni and now is scared to drive.
So AITA for wanting a gift that could help me in the next few years which I'll believe I need it as opposed to a gift that I can get once I'm out of Uni.
I'm not ungrateful, it's just our family doesn't have much money and I'd rather the money not go to waste on something I could save for. | HISTORICAL | {
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rQwwYIL2cTQIw4OdbjR9CTecTrs2zC6m | aqh2bd | {
"description": "quitting my job while on paternity leave",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for quitting my job while on paternity leave? | I've been on leave for the last two months (wife had a baby) and found a new job at the end of my leave. I was given a start date rather abruptly, and only had a week and a half to give my former job notice. My leave was ending in a few days but I didn't want to wait to turn in my resignation. I handed my letter to my manager and apologized for not being able to give full notice, but I was willing to do what I could to ease the transition. He said he would accept and process my resignation and not use my services from that day on. I was talking to a former coworker who said that management was upset at the way I left. I don't want to burn bridges but I also didn't want this opportunity to slip away... Am I The Asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
LK3avorrrAGa9w2ZpFUqz6MtNXbsfG28 | aplvkm | {
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend because of her dog",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend because of her dog? | My girlfriend and I have been together for 6 months or so. We have been thinking about moving in together so she's been staying at my house over the weekend Friday - Monday night (she's off Sunday and Monday).
He's twelve but she hasn't trained him very well and he doesn't listen. I should also mention that I did not grow up with animals and have no patience for torn-up furniture, stolen food, etc but my biggest pet peeve is the dog doing his business in the house.
The dog poops any time we leave the house (she refuses to cage him while we're not home) and tears things up. He even poops and pees in front of us. And any time we have sex. She insists he sleep in the bed (which is gross but whatever, I can cope) but anytime we get down down to business, so does he. As soon as we get close he jumps off the bed and starts sniffing around. She yells at him but it doesn't stop him. Even if he's been out to go recently the dog will find reserves and leave a steamer in the middle of the room. I can't have sex while I'm waiting for the dog to take a dump at the foot of the bed and she just wants to ignore it and keep going.
We had a big fight yesterday. She says that she can't help it of her dog acts out and that it's "not a big deal." But it is a big deal to me. I don't like that my furniture is torn up, my house smells like dog shit, I can't do this.
Am I the asshole?
TL;DR SO's dog poops and pees in the house, tears things up I want girlfriend and her dog out of my house. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
nDe1mjnd5ivdODt5TAlSJNPEbPqi4JKu | b7gd8j | {
"description": "giving my nephew's expensive gifts when I come to visit",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for giving my nephew's expensive gifts when I come to visit? | I see my three nephews maybe twice a year apart from Christmas. I always try to give them some cool gift like a game system or a telescope or something when I visit their home(my sister is their mother). I sort of think to myself that the random gifts I give them are early/late birthday presents.
My sister and her husband told me to stop bringing them expensive gifts like that. They basically told me that they don't appreciate it and to stop doing it. I asked why and they told me that they're their parents. I make a lot more money than either of them, but they're not hurting for money so I don't think it's really a financial issue thing.
Ask for details if needed | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
S6zjAB43ThK02BHGdhQre5yIHpvdY6PZ | 9x626j | {
"description": "repeatedly asking my roommate to be quieter on the phone",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for repeatedly asking my roommate to be quieter on the phone? | My college roommate and I share a one room dorm and he likes to spend a lot of time talking to his girlfriend on the phone. She lives an hour away and they don't get to see each other often, so I understand him wanting to talk to her often. But the issue is he talks unnecessarily loud and will often have her on speaker phone. It's so bad that when I put on my headphones and have music playing I can still make out parts of the conversation. So am I the asshole for getting pissed when he continues to do it? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
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fqi2dY3PRMvicsS5E1d2xft4TGTwudlJ | al2ca7 | {
"description": "freaking out at my stepdad",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for freaking out at my stepdad? | So a little background, I’m 14 years old. I have a 12 year old brother, a 12 year old step-sister, and a 10 year old sister. Around a year ago my mom and this guy she’s known for a while started dating, he moved in and immediately decided he was the boss of the house, we were renting out downstairs room to a woman and her boyfriend, she was pregnant. My stepdad didn’t like her because she didn’t eat healthy, and always left her chicken strip tray on top of the oven, which I was always kind of annoyed by, but I never said anything because it wasn’t that big of a deal, he ended up kicking her out leaving her with no where to go, and she was still pregnant.
It’s always been small things, like whenever he drives us somewhere he’ll smoke in the car and say “don’t tell your mother” or he will call me “a generation z snowflake” because I don’t like to eat mashed potatoes because of the texture, or he will pick up my sister from school on a rainy day, and when I try to get in the car he says “walk home, she’s younger” or telling me and my brother multiple times that my sister is his favourite
I’ve always thought he treated my sister unfairly, he makes her clean less, and makes her do less in general, he’s always said that “She’s younger so she doesn’t have to clean until she’s older” and I get that, but when he tells me to clean the entire living room, scrub the kitchen floor, and clean for four hours, even if you finish all your chores I expect a minimum of four hours, (Not an over exaggeration, really what he said) when all my sister has to do is clean her room (which I have to do too) it just seems a little unfair, he does my sisters laundry, all she has to do is tidy her room. Half a year ago my new step sister moved in, and she is the same age as my brother, her only job is to clean her room.
The other night it was my turn to do the dishes, which I’m fine with, but my brother was saying to me “do the dishes means clean up everything after dinner” and I knew that wasn’t true, so we argued about it before I got upset and left because he was blatantly lying to do less work. After like five minutes I came back to finish the rest of the dishes and my brother had gotten my stepdad, he told my brother that dishes didn’t mean the whole kitchen, so he apologized, and I finished the dishes, I started to go to my room when my stepdad said “You have to finish the rest of the kitchen” I asked him why, he didn’t explain, after the last year of him treating me unfairly and making me do so much more (not just a little bit, a lot.) I got really pissed off and I yelled at him (I don’t remember what) and I left the room.
TLDR my stepdad makes me and my brother clean more than my sister, his excuse is we are older, stepdad adopts kid same age as my brother, and he makes her do way less than him, stepdad tells me to clean the entire kitchen after dinner while everyone else just has to clean their plate, this wasn’t a one off thing, every other day me and my brother do at least ten times more than my sisters, and I’m not exaggerating
So I just want to know am I the asshole?
If you have any questions about this, please ask
| HISTORICAL | {
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bYnJXHnSBeY6G3Z8D3JbG7OWaI5OyazL | ahnkjy | {
"description": "letting a female college friend sleep over at my place because she was really drunk, while being in a relationship",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for letting a female college friend sleep over at my place because she was really drunk, while being in a relationship? | So I was having a few friends over from college at my place for a couple of drinks and basically just hanging around. The evening passes and one of my female friends was starting to get really drunk which I may have noticed a little too late, otherwise I may have said something to prevent that. At this point 2 of my friends already left and only me, the drunk girl and her best friend were the ones left. I asked her best friend what's the right thing to do here because she could hardly walk and we agreed on them both sleeping over at my place while her best friend was taking care of her.
I absolutely knew this option would not have been approved by my girlfriend who was out of town, but I really felt it was the right thing to do. Because I didn't know how my girlfriend would react if I told her, I didn't tell her at all and just texted her I was going to bed and went to sleep on my couch while the other two slept in my bed.
Well, a few days pass and my girlfriend calls me and asked my if I had anything else to say about that night. I immediately realised she had found out about this whole situation (probably from the girls best friend). I confessed and explained her every detail and why I let them both sleep over at my place, still thinking this was the right thing to do and her being understanding about it. She was absolutely furious about this and didn't talk to me for a few days.
5 months have passed since this night and our relationship has ever since kinda been shitty, she says she doesn't trust anymore, controls me when I go out with friends and is basically really suspicious about every little interaction with other girls. Any further explanation on why I handeled the situation like I did hasn't changed anything on the current situation.
Am I really the asshole and handeled the situation badly?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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ImQIPjwP4rFHuO5NcMDNGKAvvSruHXin | a0w1sm | {
"description": "telling my girlfriend something good that happened to me when she was feeling upset",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA If I told my girlfriend something good that happened to me when she was feeling upset? | So me and my girlfriend has been dating for almost a year. We were talking last night and I knew she was feeling down. I was on the phone with her being understanding and trying to make her feel better. I really tried my best to make her feel better, but it wasn’t working so we ended up talking about random stuff.
I recently got a new job and have been extremely stressed over it. In order to make any money I would need to close deals. Sometimes I get work calls at night when I’m not at the office. She had to go help her mom with something so she hung up. When she hung up I got a work related call with one of a lead I’ve been working on. The call went great, there’s a high chance that because of that call that I’d be closing this deal by the end of the week.
I was really really excited and happy after I got off the phone. Mainly because if I close this deal it’ll be my first one. Without thinking I called my girlfriend and told her what just happened. She was happy for me. Later she sent me a text saying how it wasn’t fair that I told her the great news that happened to means how great I was feeling when she was in a bad mood. I genuinely forgot that she was in a bad mood. I feel like a bad boyfriend. I told her that I’m sorry and didn’t mean for it to make her feel worst.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
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"NOBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
68I8niBPTfO1qTWdt4aRWBZ7jhoWDFXO | agj4fc | {
"description": "cutting ties with my bff because of my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for cutting ties with my BFF because of my boyfriend? | This happened a while back, but I thought I could reflect on this and look for other opinions.
Last summer, I reached a tipping point with my best friend of almost 10 years, and I pretty much cut her off. We got along super well, had the same interests, and never ran out of things to talk about. However, she was pretty spoiled and sometimes acted like a brat, and I always felt like she had a weird superiority complex. She hated herself, but also thought of herself as above others. If you weren't her friend, you were scum. I hated that about her, but I never saw that side of her until high school, so I always saw it as the freshman rebellion phase. I tried to push past that because I thought she'd eventually outgrow it.
On the day of reckoning, she messaged me on Snapchat because she realized my boyfriend wasn't showing up on her friends list. He had blocked her because she's one of those people that sends you whatever she puts on her story, and he'd already asked her to stop, and she probably forgot and kept doing it. I told her if she'd asked him and stopped spamming, he probably would've unblocked her. However, instead of asking me to remove the block, she proceeds to *yell* at me through Snapchat, in all caps. In my 10 years with her, it was the first time she called me a cunt and a bitch and got angry with me. I was so shocked that it took me a minute to respond and tell her it was uncalled for; I didn't get anywhere with her though, because all she wanted to do was insult and harass my boyfriend for something he would've reversed in a split second if she'd asked nicely. I stopped responding after that.
It didn't end there, though. Later that week, I went with my boyfriend to Target so I could get paper for a project I wanted to start on. And of course that was the night *she* was also there. She had this look on her face, so I went to express checkout and sent my boyfriend to take something back. She comes up to me, and starts yelling at me. In front of everyone in Target. "Oh, so you don't want to talk? Whatever, you need to stop taking up for your boyfriend automatically. I stayed by your side even when you did that with your ex" (Mind you, it was an unhealthy, abusive relationship with my ex at the time she was talking about). I decide to respond that it was unnecessary to call me names for something so petty, and all she had to respond was that maybe I deserved it. I stopped paying attention at that point, and all I could do was sheepishly apologize to the cashier. I had a panic attack after that and cried for 5 minutes.
The next day, I unfollowed and blocked her on all social media because she's the type to talk mad shit. I even texted our group of friends my side of the story so they'd know why I'd stopped coming to our get-togethers. It kind of hurt that all but one person didn't respond to it.
This was the first time I had to actively end a friendship. Every other relationship kind of drifted off, so I really don't know how else I could've reacted. Was it okay for me to end it? This old friend is one of those people that would probably get an ego-boost from me dragging myself back; she would've done it if I'd told her about the bad stuff that happened with my ex and 'told me so.'
TLDR: I cut ties with my long-term friend because she verbally harassed me and my boyfriend over something that we could've easily fixed without malice. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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dkChWFLRBL5cTzNDex39j0ApjisHQ9Yt | amrdh0 | {
"description": "being good friends with people my GF hates",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for being good friends with people my GF hates? | Background info, I'm a sophomore in high school and I moved to the district the beginning of my freshman year. I didn't have any friends and I met a two chicks that were into me and I dated one and became bestfriends with the other. I've known them both for an equal amount of time and I'm super close with both of them, but neither of then like each other and don't have a good reason for it. They've both helped me get out of my depression and I honestly love both of them.
I understand everyone in this situation is young and dumb, so I'm asking y'all, am I the asshole? J feel like whenever I'm out with the both of them they hate each other and I have to be a barrier.
Both of them have come up to me and told me I deserve a better bestfriend/girlfriend than them. Am I the asshole for not sideing with my friend or not sideing with my girlfriend?
Tldr: Me (m) has a gf and bestfriend (f) who hate each other and I make them do stuff together with me because I love them both aita? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
gOsgW2ow8XD72qkFqokm4qJvG2SA9SXj | b3ltf7 | {
"description": "being uncomfortable with a random man taking over my female roommate's room (sublet) for the summer",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being uncomfortable with a random man taking over my female roommate's room (sublet) for the summer? | My [F 25] fiance [M 24] share a townhouse with two other people. Jane* [F 23] and Jeff [M 22]. Jeff lives in the basement with his own bathroom and is my fiance's fraternity brother so I knew him long before he moved in. Jane lives upstairs in the bedroom right next to ours and shares a bathroom with my fiance and I.
Jane lives 1000 km away and once she's done her exams in three weeks, she plans on moving back home for the summer with her boyfriend. She signed a lease from August 2018-August 2019, so she has to find someone to take over the remainder of her share of the lease in order to leave. She found someone solid ready to sign the lease, but when I creeped him on facebook he was this super wannabe thug looking guy. White guy, but just imagine the classic look that would make an old lady clutch her pearls. His pictures with all his friends looked, well trashy, for a lack of a better term, and captioned with things like "trap life". We were a bit put off by this, but we decided to not judge a book by its cover and meet the guy/give him a fair chance. He came over to meet us, and while he still looked like someone who I would cross to the other side of the street if I saw him walking towards me at night, he was nice and seemed pretty chill. But then he mentions that he has a breathalyzer installed in his car due to a past DUI, red flag number 1. Shortly thereafter my (tiny) dog was sitting on his lap and he was petting her, but then my cat jumped onto the back of the couch and hissed at the dog. This guy proceeds to SHOVE my dog off of him onto the floor pretty aggressively. I was super stunned by this but no one said anything and I was feeling A LOT of pressure from Jane to just accept this guy so she could leave in three weeks. We tell Jane that we'll let her know, but I'm just so uncomfortable with this dude. She thinks I'm just being judgemental. I told Jane I would look for someone else for her and found a girl to come look at the room on Friday, but she was pissed because she just wants to be able to leave. I understand her frustrations and it's definitely a shitty situation for her. But at the same time I'm the one who has to sleep in the room right next to this guy for 5 months, who knows what kind of riff raff he'll bring into this house, he clearly makes poor choices if he had a serious enough DUI to get a breathalyzer installed, and he pushed my dog! Jane is mad at me but like... I'm offering to help find someone! If it delays her moving out until the end of April instead of mid April, I'm sorry, but I just really don't feel comfortable with this guy. Am I the asshole here? Am I being too judgemental?
TLDR; Roommate wants a guy who gives me the heebie jeebies to take over her room for the summer, but he makes poor choices (has a breathalyzer installed in his car), shoved my dog onto the floor, and looks like he has riff raff for friends. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
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} | RIGHT |
HRR9XTuNXa6U2zBkmx2pEGQLuK86B83T | a7ot5w | {
"description": "not wanting to date my bf because he wants to cover himself in tattoos",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to date my bf because he wants to cover himself in tattoos? | I recently met a great guy and we get along so well. I know relationships are suppose to be about compromise but am I the asshole for not wanting to date a guy who wants to eventually cover himself in tattoos all over his upper body and eventually look like a prison gangster? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
VZEHeRd4vv7L2P4sQTYhJO0AiBcHwNur | av3hc5 | {
"description": "going on holiday without my wife",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for going on holiday without my wife? | My wife is a teacher, so can't go on holiday during term time. However, I am a student so I get my summer holiday sooner than she does.
My mother has asked if I would like to go on holiday with her and 2 of my siblings, which would leave my wife back home alone for 5 days.
When i told her of my plans, she became very annoyed, saying she couldn't believe that I would even think of going away without her and that it was completely unfair.
Although I would prefer it if my wife could come, I am happy to enjoy a few days away with my family, which she does not seem to understand. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 4
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
GDsqi5V9ydc68Yq84LoJer0VBBNuE0sZ | augi8k | {
"description": "forcing my boyfriend to eat",
"pronormative_score": 42,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for forcing my boyfriend to eat? | My boyfriend and I have been getting very serious in our relationship, and are 'thriving' according to our friends. And I love him, like really really love him. He's always been what people refer to as 'heavy set' but he's nowhere near obese, not even close-still he thinks he is because teenagers are dicks.
Recently however, he has quit eating. Like straight up, stopped eating, considering he used to eat a lot on a daily basis his body isn't handling it well:
•his arms and legs are in ridiculous pain
•he stumbles and occasionally falls
•light-headed with many headaches
•fucked up/blacked out vision
A lot of issues and he keeps bringing it up saying that 'it hurts' and 'eating isn't a necessity' and I can obviously tell he's trying to lie to himself. I keep bringing it up and he seems to get frustrated and almost angry, (and background on me, I'm a huge pushover) so I stay quiet and try not to raise my voice and when i do he's more angry and frustrated.
I've told him to go to the doctor and he refuses and smart-mouths me every time i bring it up, when i went to visit him I forced him to eat and he ate today saying that he would eat because it makes me happy... but later he told me he wouldn't eat tomorrow.
I kept bugging him about it and when we finally got deep into talking about it I broke down crying and so did he (sincerely), but I know he's stubborn and may revert back to not eating.
So, despite him getting mad at me am I doing the right thing? Or am I an interfering asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 26,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 16,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 42,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
AiVhZNVh8RKBq1f10KIVjKAvuBxjnAkC | a9v9vn | {
"description": "telling my girlfriend that I don't want her dancing on people when she goes out with friends",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my girlfriend that I don't want her dancing on people when she goes out with friends? | Little backstorThe title is pretty self explanatory. Ive been with my gf for 5 years. She is 21 and I am 22. Naturally, she likes to go out with her friends, got to clubs, drink, and dance. There are times i cant go with her because I work 3-11 pm.
Anywho, over the weekend she and sone friends went to Vegas to dance and what not. She comes back and I ask her how things went. She hesitantly tells me that she danced (grinding) with some people both gay and not. That made mad so, I told her I didn't like that and asked her not to anymore. She told me that I'm overreacting and that I shouldn't be so insecure and trust her. She wasn't understanding my problem with it so I left the room because I was heated.
Am I the asshole as well as being too controlling? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
9sxIt7BInsPc6XVRTVxPpkxxlqvbnPgN | axykl1 | {
"description": "getting correcting people for shortening my name",
"pronormative_score": 61,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting correcting people for shortening my name? | My name is Joanna. I have many nick names but “joanne” is not one of them. I sign all my emails at work with Jo or Joanna. When I introduce myself I always let people know they can call me Joanna, Jo, Jojo, hell I’ll even answer to Josephine! Just don’t drop that A if you’re going with my full name.
The one thing I ask is not to be called Joanne. Inevitably people will go right to it.
So, AITA for continually correcting people that I prefer all the other naming versions I offer - just don’t call me Joanne?? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 52,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 61,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
bJXKeHMVCvhXJfi6bzWTaANqEkPP79TD | awfi2d | {
"description": "not wanting to visit my dad this summer",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to visit my dad this summer | So here's some context:
I live with my mom and 2 younger siblings (3-6 years old) while my dad lives in another country with the rest of my relatives.
Every winter he visits us and every summer break we visit him. We've been doing this for many years
Now every summer we go there I get extremely bored it's in a country where I have no friends and social life, only my family for three months and it's really sad when I look into my snap stories seeing all my friends having so much fun without me.
Don't get me wrong I love my family but Everytime school ends for the summer I get really excited to hang with my friends but I literally only get like 1-3 days to do so until I'm sent away with my family to see my dad all the way to August,
Literally two days before school starts again we're back. and by that time all my friends have had their fun for the summer.
I've been trying to convince my parents to let me stay for just ONE summer but. They keep trying to convince that it will be different and that I'll enjoy it. But I don't. I never do.
Ultimately I fail convincing them because I feel like bad person seeing their sad and disappointed faces when I bring this up and it sucks.
So Reddit?
Am i the asshole for wanting to have a fun summer?
And what should I do?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
dbNNVd1c8dmusVnqVmibdTYNDzGJBX2P | avkqqp | {
"description": "lying about vacation to avoid a family friend from tagging along",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I lied about vacation to avoid a family friend from tagging along? | I have a family friend who is pretty much family to me. for the past few years, this person has tagged along on the vacations we take. they pay their way, so it’s not about that, but this person is just not easy to vacation with. we don’t have the same interests. this person just wants to go to the bar and I really don’t want to spend my whole vacation doing that. they also have trouble walking long distances, which makes it hard to explore new cities like i’d like to. I like this person, but we are incompatible in terms of vacation. it should also be noted that this person takes several vacations (at least 5) a year on their own, whereas I take one, MAYBE two. WIBTA if I said I wasn’t taking a vacation to avoid them tagging along? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
RkSVfuKB3sjdPd99WPcGDxL8q05HJ1KX | av8ma2 | {
"description": "getting upset about my husbands scheduled gaming time",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA For getting upset about my husbands scheduled gaming time? | Details about us: been married 3 years and have a 2 year old son and we’re both in our mid 20s.
Every Tuesday and Sunday my husband has scheduled gaming time from 6pm-9pm. We’ve fought about his gaming a lot and he’s cut down except the scheduled time. That’s his “raid” time.
Tonight he sat down at his computer during the middle of dinner and left me to clean up and deal with our two year old throwing a tantrum. I don’t say anything, just try to deal with the mess and the kid who’s screaming because he doesn’t want to eat.
Stuff like this happens pretty regularly where it’s between the hours of 6 and 9 and I need help and he refuses to get up because he’s playing his game. I used to start fighting with him immediately but it’s been pointed out to me that that’s not the best way to handle it.
I know some people are going to say to just talk to him, and I have tried talking to him. We’ve agreed that neither of us can’t do anything that can’t be put down in 5 seconds in case the other parent needs help. But he refuses to give up his set times. He’s straight up told me no and said that he’s compromised enough.
Am I the asshole for getting pissed off at him?
I haven’t said anything yet because I know there is a very real possibility that I’m just being a jerk and being sensitive about it.
Thanks | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 5
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
b75a44C0D5iR9jzfCdPUGIDsY1aANWGT | b9wwue | {
"description": "calling movers for my furniture and boxes only and not consulting with my roommate when we are moving in together",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | Aita for calling movers for my furniture and boxes only and not consulting with my roommate when we are moving in together? | Bit of a backstory and also apologies, I’m using a phone.
I was living by myself and was planning to move to another 1 bedroom when my lease was up end of February. A friend who was also living by myself reached out and asked if we should become roommates since her lease was at the end of March, or so my friend thought.
I have an unconditional jobs that would require me to spend only a couple of nights in my city in March, I said that yes we can move in together and I could put my stuff in storage for a month (currently only have a suitcase with some clothes in it)
She offered the storage in her apartment building said that I could spend those nights at her place.
First week of March, we found a great 2 bedroom and applied for it. When we got approved that’s when she realized that her lease was up at the end of April, not March. I offered to wait until May, she said no and is now stuck paying 2 apartments. I paid the full amount of the deposit but we agreed that she still gets half since that’s what I was gonna pay her to use her storage and spend a couple of nights at her place.
Anyway I have, for the last couple of days been bringing up the fact that I want to get movers to move my stuff as soon as possible. I asked if she wanted to move some of hers since I have a truck and movers coming (I specified that I was gonna pay for it since it’s my stuff but she was welcome to add some of her furniture) and she said she wasn’t ready but I was welcome to move my stuff.
Which leads me to today, I found some movers for tomorrow morning to come get my stuff. When I told her about my plans, she got upset, which lead to an argument.
She feels that I should’ve consulted with her first, that she would’ve wanted to wait a little more before moving some of her things since she doesn’t have any boxes ready yet (hasn’t bought any). That since I’m off until mid April, there was no hurry for me. She called me selfish and ungrateful. That tomorrow doesn’t work for her since she has a birthday party to plan for, in the evening.
I said that I wasn’t comfortable in her living room and that I want to be settled and not have to live out of a suitcase since I am paying rent somewhere else. That I brought it up a couple of times before about wanting to move my things this weekend, that I may not work but have plans next week, just didn’t think I had to update her on them.
I don’t know if it’s important but I should mention that since she has to pay for 2 apartments she is completely broke and asked me to cover half her rent at our new apartment because she would like to keep that other half for her birthday this weekend.
So Reddit, am I an asshole for not including her in my plans ? | HISTORICAL | {
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5WSWCY9BpbOS44sN74wWuJY19Kgm1lXP | aq0vm3 | null | AITA? Sister abandoned her kids. Mother is taking care of them. What do we do? | Where do you draw the line with helping your family? Are my wife and I assholes?
​
Throwaway because reasons...
​
***The people:***
**My sister:** homeless (technically, but living in a trailer with her boyfriend), in need of mental health, and showing no signs of getting better. She left her children about a year ago, and shows no sign of improving or even taking steps to better herself as a person or a mother. She know she needs help, but refuses to go. There's always an excuse as to why "it isn't the right time". As such, this post is not about finding help for her. She has burned every bridge there is to burn, and she is well and truly on her own right now. With that said, she has a standing offer to be taken to a mental health facility 24-7, 365. She calls, we'll drop everyhing to be there. She's never called (and yes, she has the means to call).
​
**The father:** a real piece of work. He's been in prison nearly the kids' entire life (about 8 years), and will serve around 8-10 more before he's up for parole. Granted, he has shown signs of healing and reform, but he is unlikely to ever be a part of the kids' lives due to the nature of his crime (which I will not get into here, but does fall under sexual abuse of a child).
​
**My mother:** 71 years old, and although she's a bit of an enabler, bad with money, and doesn't listen to advice, she's a fucking saint. She let my sister and her kids live with her for over 10 years before she finally said "enough is enough" and kicked my sister out for good after years of verbal and physical abuse. The kids stayed with her, because she wasn't willing to make my sister's issues their problem. Mom is on a fixed income, bringing home about $1700/mo, including $500/mo in government benefits. She has power of attorney with the kids, but is not their legal guardian (yet). This impacts the level of assistance she can receive, but she barely makes ends meet (guardianship would change things a bit for the better, financially speaking). She is currently negotiating guardianship with my sister, and talks seem to be going well, but legally she could most likely get custody based on abandonment (this is in the state of Kentucky). My sister makes little to no effort to contact her children. Mom is also horrible with money, and while she doesn't spend frivolously, she has a hard time living within her means because she never learned to budget. We've been helping with that, but there's a long way to go. She currently has about $20k in debt that she's working to pay off, but high interest rates make that a considerable challenge. We've already paid off one card for her, and will likely pay off another for her in the spring (totaling about $1600).
​
**The kids:** twins boys, 12 years old, and a little girl, 8 years old. All three are in therapy, and well taken care of by my mother and her boyfriend, despite their economic situation. The home is filled with love and laughter, and they make things work as best they can. They give her as hard a time as any kids that age, but the home life is fairly good considering their situation. It's not ideal, but it's working for now.
​
**Paternal grandparents:** The grandmother is decent, the grandfather is an alcoholic and a suspected abuser. There are clues that he may be actively abusing the 8 year old girl, but there is no legal standing yet to remove their visitation rights. The situation is currently being investigated, and we're hopeful that they'll be removed from the picture within the next 30 days. My mother is keeping them from going over there with a variety of excuses while a therapist and social worker dig for more concrete proof of the suspected abuse.
​
**My wife and me:** We're 42 (M) and 33 (F), no kids, and make a comfortable living. We travel when we want, have budgeted our retirement, and have worked hard to get here. We've busted ass to pay off all of our debt (which we did last year), and we plan to start trying for our own child within the next year. We help my mother with a monthly reloadable gift card (about $100/mo), and we take the kids for a weekend every couple of months (we live about 2 hours away). We've offered to serve as guardians if my mother were to pass away, as the thought of the paternal grandparents getting custody makes us sick to our stomach. Until my mother gets full guardianship, there's not much we can do except provide the occassional weekend away and some financial assistance. It has been stated that my sister is willing to turn over custody to her, but that has yet to happen.
​
Truth be told, it's undeniable that those kids would be better off with us. We know that because we planned it as such for our own family...but where do you draw the line when it comes to helping your extended family? From my perspective, we have our own family to raise, protect, and provide for now. Why should we be responsible for my mother's mistakes, or my sisters? My wife and I have our own plans, and taking custody of any of those kids now would drastically alter them. It *feels* horribly selfish to say that, knowing that my sister's kids deserve the peace, stability, and every opportunity to succeed that we've worked hard to ensure we provide for our children....but are we assholes for not shifting that to my sister's kids? Where do we draw the line with assistance? Are we doing enough? Part of me wants to cut-off and ignore the Jerry Springer-esque horror show that is my family (seriously, it's that bad sometimes), but I know that I can't do that - I don't think I could live with myself if I did...but my wife and I have worked very hard to secure a stable future for our own family, and I don't want to be forced into taking on children that I didn't choose to have. I didn't have those kids. I didn't abandon them. I didn't choose to take care of them...am I an asshole for thinking that? Those kids didn't choose this either. Are we assholes for wanting our own child, but not taking my sisters kids as our own?
​
TL;DR: My sister abandoned her kids and my mother is taking care of them. Are we assholes for wanting our own child, but not taking my sisters kids as our own? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
g5h937lV1x9RPH5kTTregCiR5xyToSWA | aucsit | {
"description": "not wanting to give toys I'm attached to to my sister",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to give toys I'm attached to to my sister? | Long post so look out. Some background info:
I am 13 years old and I live with my dad. My little sister (8) lives with my mum and on weekends we alternate between me going over there and her coming over here. My dad works on Sundays so when Emily (E) comes over here I have to look after her until mum comes to pick her up.
Ok now for the story.
Mum: M
Me: Me
​
M comes to pick up E and E needs to use the bathroom. I want to show M a new soft toy I got which cost me $40 because it was big, the single softest/squishiest toy I have ever seen, and it was a character. (Ice bear from we bare bears.) We go into my bedroom and climb up the bunkbed to get it out, as it was at the back.
M: You have a lot of stuffed animals don't you?
Me: Yeah haha.
I keep most of my soft animals on my bed including, but not limited to, Ice bear, Goldie a small dog that was given to me when my mum was pregnant and has come with me every time I leave the country, Freya a horse which I've had since I was one and my mum won it for me from a claw machine, a Hedwig, Harry Potter, a Glaceon, a Leafeon and an Eevee. I had others but those are the ones I can remember of the top of my head.
M: You don't really need all of these do you?
Me: No but I really like a lot of them.
M: You should give them to E, she likes them and is the right age for them. You would have just thrown them out anyway.
Me: No I wouldn't I love these toys, I really like them.
M: You have to learn to let go, please give me the toys.
She starts to pick up some of the toys of the bed, including Ice Bear.
Me: I just got Ice Bear and paid for him myself! You can't take him!
M: I am your mother and can choose to take things as I please. Its called tough love.
Me: Well can you give me the $40 I paid for him? That took me 2 months of saving!
M: Thats ridiculous, I gave you $40 for your birthday last year!
Me: Where do you think I got the money from for your birthday present!
I had gotten mum a set of fancy candles for her birthday as I know she had her eye on them for a while but had just had to have the hot water fixed in the house and that was very expensive so budget was tight there.
M: Well I don't choose what you spend your money on!
At that point E came out of the bathroom and started getting her stuff. I panicked.
Me: Look how about this. I get them all in a bag and next time you come to pick E up I give them to you then.
M: Fine but next time I'm taking them.
By this point E had her stuff and was ready to go so I said goodbye. Once they left I started to cry and decided to hide a lot of my toys until this blew over. Next time she came for them I said I had lost some of them trying to get them all ready. I still lost most of my toys to E though and I am very upset still as M wants me to keep looking for them.
AITA for hiding them and not giving them to my sister?
Is M even allowed to do that as I live with my dad?
I welcome any advice. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
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} | RIGHT |
laXPWRtpWloZ5C7p5H5viPibczIz1aae | a6bvy2 | {
"description": "not letting my friend's friend sleep at my apartment",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not letting my friend's friend sleep at my apartment? | There was recently a concert in my city. I wasn't going because I had to study for finals, but a good friend of mine wanted to go and I said she could sleep at my apartment for the weekend of the concert. (She lives about 2 hours away.)
We'd had this scheduled for about a month and 3 days before the concert, she asks if she can bring her roommate. My friend never talks about her roommate or ANYTHING and I didn't even know the roommate's name until my friend asked to bring her. All of a sudden my friend was GUSHING about how great her roommate was, how much time they spend together, etc.
I'm a pretty private person (which my friend knows) so I said I didn't think I was comfortable with her inviting a girl I knew nothing about, especially when I had finals. I knew my friend would be quiet and let me study if I needed it but I didn't want to deal with the hassle of housing and feeding a total stranger.
My friend started begging me, saying she could NOT go to the concert alone and her roommate HAD to come with her. I told her I was uncomfortable and my suitemates (who are also private people but gave the OK for one guest) probably wouldn't welcome two extra noisy girls during finals week.
My friend went on to say "You will be compensated...I'll bake muffins." I do not think muffins are enough compensation for giving a stranger breakfast, dinner, and a free room for three nights.
I ended up saying a hard no to the roommate and my friend decided not to come to the concert at all if her roommate couldn't go with her.
Now my friend isn't talking to me. I was annoyed by her asking to bring her roommate, but I don't think this is a good reason to toss three years of friendship down the drain.
But tell me, reddit. Should I apologize? Was I in the wrong? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
3esqPhG4SDNFnB7UMC0DMAPlFjcolst8 | aqcfyv | {
"description": "commenting this on a friend's Post",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for Commenting This on a Friend's Post? | So for context, I'm a mod in a Shiny Hunting community (Shiny Hunting is more or less spending hours in Pokémon games looking for ultra rare, alternatively coloured Pokémon, such as a Red Gyarados or Black Charizard; definitely a niche hobby, but I like it that way). I know and am friends with most of the regulars in that particular Amino Community, including the subject of this post. However, just now, I saw a post from this guy (let's call him R; no reason, just a random letter). In it, he found a bunch of Shiny Goomy less than 30 Eggs from each other, whereas the Odds for the Method he was using were normally about 1/683. I jokingly commented, and I quote,
"Congrats, but I'm gonna need to confiscate that Masuda Method Luck. ;)", to which he responds with:
"🤨....wow dude wow... I know you may be joking and all but that's actually pretty offensive dude. It's like saying, oh hey I want you to be terribly unlucky all the time and I want you to fail and suffer. Ugh, The one time I actually have good luck you do this to me....
If this is a joke, it's not the kind to be using it on peeps. It comes out as rude dude."
I know this may not seem like a big deal, but I often struggle with scenarios like this, so I was wondering if I was actually being rude or he was simply being sensitive. Thanks in advance for any responses; I'm new to this Subreddit. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
AoQYb602wqzSNx8685pJNtImD2YUFLfK | a2lof9 | {
"description": "not feeling sympathy for a friend who recently became homeless",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not feeling sympathy for a friend who recently became homeless? | To start, he[John(24M)] and his former girlfriend[Grace(24F)] both worked together. God knows how many times he’s cheated on and taken advantage of her blind love for him.
They have a co-worker[Julia(29F)] that John begins to fool around with behind Grace’s back. He does this knowing that Julia has been married for 10 years with three kids. Grace finds out and kicks John out of her apartment over month ago.
Ever since then, he asks to crash at my house at least every other day. He had every opportunity in the world to make things right with Grace(for the hundredth time), but chose not to because he felt that he could always use me and another mutual friend of ours to fall back on if things didn’t go his way.
But unfortunately for him, I have a tough time feeling any sympathy for others self inflicted wounds.
Now clearly he was going through a tough time so I allowed him to crash in the living room a few nights a week, even though I have roommates. My patience eventually starts to run out.
This turns into him asking me to hang out or do certain things just so he can eventually ask to stay the night, because he knows I won’t say ‘no’ to him face-to-face.
Although only one of them ever said it, I told John that my roommates don’t feel comfortable with him staying at our place anymore.
This does not stop him from continuing to ask every few days to crash while giving me several different sob stories as to why he has no where else to go.
The shitty thing is that if the roles were reversed, I’m confident he would have no trouble letting me stay with him as long as I needed to, so I feel obligated to help out.
But the difference is, I would never put myself in that situation and I would never guilt trip him into anything. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Hkn195BIsqbE6sUhxhTtBBAhSpIioyAv | aqwktj | {
"description": "complaining about an Amber Alert",
"pronormative_score": 69,
"contranormative_score": 367
} | AITA for complaining about an Amber Alert? | Last night at around midnight, my phone, which was set to Do Not Disturb, started blaring loud klaxon horns full-volume with a message about an Amber Alert. It said that a little girl had been abducted by her father, and was last seen five hours earlier, in a region 94km (58 miles) to the west of me, heading east in a car with (this make, model, and plate).
​
I complained on Facebook that the alert shouldn't have been sent so broadly, and especially to people whose devices had been deliberately silenced, at midnight, when those DND device owners were likely dead asleep. My stance is that the tech shouldn't be overridden like that... or at the very least, it should be used with more nuance. (Alert phones that AREN'T in DND mode. Require manufacturers to have a software switch allowing alerts, set to "on" by default if you like. Et cetera.) My contention was that people who are most likely asleep at midnight with their phones on mute are in a poor position to help you spot a specific car from five hours ago and 58 miles away.
​
Additional context: I have been unemployed for over a year, and have been in a difficult struggle to get another job. I was thinking keenly of my wife, our family's sole bread-winner at the moment, who has a long commute in the morning, and who cut our Valentine's Day evening short *so that* she could get enough sleep for the day ahead. I also have kids of my own, and obviously would not want to see harm come to them.
To complicate people's feelings about the situation, the subject of the Amber Alert was found dead, about 138km/85 miles east of where the alert originated. So anyone complaining about the alert sounding through on phones that were specifically, deliberately silenced must be an asshole, right? Because dead kid?
​
(It's a stupid Catch-22 for the sake of a weak argument, though. If the girl had been found alive, their stance would have been "See? The alert worked." :| )
​
Am I (and the many, many people who called the police stations to complain) the asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 365,
"OTHER": 53,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 16,
"INFO": 4
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 69,
"WRONG": 367
} | WRONG |
8TQyckuqS8ml37k1YvtJTnsTa27nmWsP | a2l8mh | {
"description": "accidentally making my friend uncomfortable",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for accidentally making my friend uncomfortable? | We were sitting on couch and sort of linked arms with me, after a bit i put my arm over her and she seemed ok with it, we stayed like that for the rest of the night. I woke up the next morning to a message saying that what I did was really bad and that she didn't like it. I had no idea she was uncomfortable and if I knew I would have stopped, so AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
R6faJnrxui48ESERRhc9VZE35ZjVDFHZ | awp5fz | {
"description": "yelling at my dad about him not telling me about an airbag recall on my car",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for yelling at my dad about him not telling me about an airbag recall on my car | i’m back with another about my dad. i was in a super good mood today until i started talking to him. i bought a car about 6 months ago. well he bought me it and never told me. and then he told me that i owed him 3,600$ for it out of nowhere. and i needed a car so i was happy but mad that he sprung it on me and didn’t ask me first. so fast forward to now, he gives me a sheet saying that i had a takata airbag in my car and needed it fixed IMMEDIATELY. i was mad he didn’t tell me but apparently he just got this notice in the mail.
so, when we were at the dealership signing the papers (that i thought he had read) the guy says there is an airbag recall. I SPECIFICALLY ASKED HIM IF IT WAS THE TAKATA AIRBAGS AND HE SAID NO. well it turns out it is and i’m yelling at my dad for letting me drive it for 6 months in fucking snow without knowing. he should give a shit about his 18 year old daughter enough to tell her that right? well he’s old and doesn’t read shit i guess. so we got into a huge screaming match and now that i’m calmed down i feel like it’s kinda my fault because i should have looked into it more. i don’t wanna drive it to work but he won’t give me rides and i’m not an adult so idk if he’s just being an adult about it or not. so, AITA for going off on him and being a brat? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
BOcXrvgHstJJeYQgBAPv1PwobfMWcxRN | 9wc6ce | {
"description": "visiting a friend in Portland and puffing the dab pen on an empty street while walking back to her apartment. she is salty AF now",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA. I visiting a friend in Portland and I puffed the dab pen on an empty street while walking back to her apartment. She is salty AF now. | She made it clear that her apartment is a no smoke zone. Even vaping on the balcony was off limits. Ok, I understand and respect that because it’s your house. However, if I choose to risk getting a fine then that’s on me. Why act like I disrespected you? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Dee9PmhwnZGWxXsaLXpsLDYJePmNmgXM | b7aqeq | {
"description": "Sexting with a woman I just met on OKC",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA By Sexting with a woman I just met on OKC? | Yesterday I met a nice woman on OKCupid, and things were going well. We were getting to know one another, finding out what our common interest were. We both like the mountains, watching horror movies and we both have our own struggles with depression. She said she wanted to start out as friends and I thought "cool, someone to hang out with and get to know."
​
We traded cell phone # and took our conversation off of OKC and into texting. I show her pictures of my two dogs and one cat, we talked a little bit more. She wanted a full body picture of me, so I sent her a fully clothed full body picture of myself. I'm still operating off the fact that we're just friends.
​
This is where things get muddy for me. She asked if I wanted a full body naked picture of her and I told her that was up to her, whatever she was comfortable with. So she sent me a naked picture of herself from behind and I did compliment her on her ass. I assume at this point we were going into sexting mode. (Yes, I know what they say happens when you assume) So we sexted for a bit and then she just stopped texting me.
​
This was last night and I haven't gotten a text from her since and I'm not really the one to just repeatedly text someone until I get a response. If she doesn't want to talk anymore, that's fine. I'm just wondering if I'm the asshole for going from "let's be friends" to "Hey nice ass," and sexting for a bit. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
juy3USeIxoCG5msxhB4V5Tih3VKCPHcG | b27igr | {
"description": "losing my temper at my dad",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for losing my temper at my dad | So me and my family has a family group chat I rarely checked because my family mostly chat in Chinese and I can't read or write in Chinese. And whenever I talk to my parents on the phone and topic that was discussed in the group chat comes up, my parents would chastise me for not checking the family chat enough and make me feel like a bad son for not doing so. Instead of answer the question I asked or continuing the conversation, the whole conversation will literally pause and focus on me not checking the family group chat enough.
And every time this happens, I explain to them that I don't check the group chat often cause they mostly chat in Chinese and I can't read chinese. And my parents will counter "well not all the time. We share photos and leave VMs too" to which I reply "well that doesn't change the fact you mostly converse in Chinese."
Well today, I finally had enough. I got tired of them nagging/chastising me, and I went off at my parents. After I did, they sound so sad and disappointed. I know they're old (they're both retirement age). I know they live in a different country and our family group chat is one of the methods my parents used to feel close to me and my sister. I do try to participate periodically and occasionally share something from my life in it. AITA for 1. Not checking it as frequently as my parents wants me to and 2. Going off at my parents for their continuous chastising/nagging. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
vlThGjwzE81Fw5tQ3HKhWXqZ3VKb1Kg6 | b7p1mb | {
"description": "getting pissed at my mum making a bigger deal of my brothers birthday than mine",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | Aita for getting pissed at my mum making a bigger deal of my brothers birthday than mine | Like I know this is going to sound entitled and that I should appreciate what I get for my birthday but I can't help feeling this way, my brother got around 800 spent on him for his birthday, my birthday I got clothes that didn't fit. The birthday before that he got 3 grand and I got a hundred.
This is playing on my mind a bit and I really feel guilty that I'm starting to think this way so I just need some vindication, aita? Because I feel like an asshole. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 4
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
slkSDQy0p8l1Ny8mS7y0FM5GNJxgfMW3 | af4gd5 | {
"description": "dipping on job interview",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for dipping on job interview? | Okay. This happened ten minutes ago and I'm still overreacting.
To preface this, I'm *extremely* shy and stumble around my words a lot. It isn't easy for me to make calls or cancel shit, but I always force myself to. Maaaaybe not this time though.
I've been looking for a job since I moved out (I've got college in the spring, new beginnings, all that jazz) but given that I have to take an uber until I can afford a car (and can't afford a car until I get a job), I've been looking for a job within walking distance.
Finally get a call back. I excitedly accept the offer of an interview, hang up... And realize it's a forty minute drive each way. I don't know the area, so I didn't immediately realize.
Being indecisive, I neglected to call the lady back on Friday, thinking I could just figure it out on Saturday, when my interview was scheduled. Now I'm realizing I don't have the money to get there and back anyway, and it's twelve in the morning. Next course of action? Pretend I have a family emergency. I don't want to admit that I'm a broke ass to this young sounding, nice lady. I'll just.. Lie? Pretend my brother broke his arm again and I was his only ride, or something. Nothing too serious. I rehearsed it in my head and everything.
So I call. At twelve AM. Expect it to be a work number I could just drop a voicemail on and wiggle out of this. It's late, which makes my excuse more solid, right? But she fucking answers, sounding like I **woke her up**. Not the same peppy, awake lady from yesterday at all. Like, she has to clear her throat to even manage mumbling.
"Hello?" She says groggily.
And I don't say anything. Pretty sure my balls went internal.
"Um.. Hello??"
Panic. I hang up. Immediately get ready to lie about a butt dial in the emergency room where my brother broke his arm and I was his only ride.
But now I'm thinking I just.. won't go. I don't want to call tomorrow morning because I fucking called her in the middle of the night now.
Am I the asshole for taking my humiliation in silence and just completely bolting? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
7h3gFNNNinu73JHnAxwQ2mQGeg5Dnfb6 | apmd4e | null | AItA left my husband because he was psychologically abusive and keeping my daughter away | I was with my husband for 14 years, married for 8 and we have a 3 and a half year old.
He was controlling and abusing us both psychologically, financially and emotionally. My daughter also had unexplained bruises and was fearful of him.
Dec 27 2018 I went to my mums and after talking to her and seeing his reactions when I asked for a break I decided to separate. I had explained to him everything I wasn’t happy with.
Since then I’ve kept my whereabouts secret and he hasn’t seen our daughter. I told him visitations would be arranged through mediation and I’m waiting for that to happen. It’s been scheduled and I’m working through a solicitor.
He has asked twice to see her in two months. The second time he asked to see her three hrs a week in the middle of Saturday’s. I’ve asked that he wait for mediation because of the abuse. Tbh I was surprised he didn’t ask for more time with her.
He has cut off our shared bank account and drained 35k out of it.
When I asked for a break he rang all my friends and convinced them I was crazy or something. I don’t know the full story because most of them won’t even talk to me now.
His parents haven’t tried to contact me once. His sister in law who I was very close to hasn’t reached out either. And I’m a bit disgusted they haven’t asked how our daughter is.
I texted him and made it clear not to ask about me but that he could ask about our daughter. That was on jan 14th and he hasn’t texted anything.
Through a friend I found out he was claiming to be almost suicidal. I understand I’ve broken what he thought his life was.
But my friends are acting as if I’m the asshole. They won’t speak to me. When they see me they give me the cold shoulder.
Only two out of about 15 friends listen to what I’m saying and believe me.
One of my best friends even deleted me on Snapchat.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
QTWFOVe4n8NGgaDAFkVhTUWySbxvUdmW | 9ukadj | {
"description": "not wanting to attend my highschool graduation ceremony",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | Aita if i don’t want to attend my highschool graduation ceremony? | Sorry if this is jumbled, I’m writing this in a rush. Im the first sibling in my family to graduate so I don’t have any one else to ask about this.
So i don’t want to attend my highschool graduation ceremony. Im very much a by the numbers guy and i view it as a waist of money. We are not poor by any means but we still live paycheck to paycheck and my parents have no life savings.
That being said the schools package which is required for the ceremony( they have a deal with some company) is about $167 dollars for cap, gown, and tassel. I don’t want my parents to pay the money and put us behind on their bills. But they are being stubborn about it demanding that have to go because theirs no choice, and not to worry about it they will find the money somehow.
I don’t see why they should waist 167$ so i can wear the gown for a few hours, walk down the aisle with people i hope i never see again, and shake hands with the principal I hate. And then never look at the outfit again.
Id rather them save the money, and me save the misery. So honest opinion and don’t be afraid to be blunt. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
O3icVrvWnzvKUcpXoucugVXlfNtKWZba | b292k8 | {
"description": "not taking blame for an accident",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not taking blame for an accident? | F - friend who is accusing me.
Sorry for bad formatting, I'm on mobile
Me, F and 2 other friends were playing basketball/shooting hoops in PE. Me and F shoot at the hoop, me shooting about 2 seconds after F did. F goes to get their ball after missing and walks directly under the hoop. I can tell my ball is going to go in, so I tell F to move otherwise they'd be hit. They look up, while standing under the hoop, as the ball goes in. They put their hands over their head as the ball falls, instead of just moving. Their nail is chipped and they start screaming and crying about how much it hurts. I feel kinda bad because I didn't mean to hurt them/expect them to stay there. I go to say sorry, but they then start screaming about how it's all my fault. They pick up my basketball and kick it across the sports hall. Angrily, I tell them that they should've just moved out the way, and they get really angry and run to the teacher. Before they got there, the teacher told us all to get changed, so I just went without another word. They also know that I have minor anger issues, but still push me to the edge.
Should I have accepted blame? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
k0uhJcFQ4SIOfkYwx8vwcWK9ngNpOUJl | b6pcvo | {
"description": "pushing my friend / co-worker on biblical literalism",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for pushing my friend / co-worker on biblical literalism? | I have known my co-worker for about 5 years - only worked with him for the past 2. We were acquaintances before working together, but have become friends - we play golf, my fiance and I hang out with him and his wife from time to time, etc.
Anyway, we are opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to politics/religion. I am a non-religious theist and typically support the democrats, not because I bleed blue, but because I think the Republican agenda is backwards. My friend, lets call him Greg, is a conservative Christian. We disagree and we talk about it. Generally, we do a good job of looking to understand where the other is coming from, but we can also always find the spot that really sets the other person off. We have agreed to "not go there" while at work as these conversations make others uncomfortable and are not appropriate / conducive to getting work done, but we still do it via G-chat.
Today, (slightly hungover) I opened our G-chat and noticed that yesterday we had been talking about biblical literalism. I had asked him if he believed that the story of Jonah and the whale was factual also threw out Methusela. Greg responded, "yea". Seeing this conversation from the previous day, I started in, "do you believe that the sun is the center of the solar system or do you have a geocentric view of the solar system?". Greg responded, "If these are in fact honest questions I really don't mind and will gladly go through them all with you, but if this is just going to be a googling "contradictions in the bible" session to try and trip me up, with all due respect I'm not real interested in that".
This hit me kinda hard. I felt like an asshole - caught red-handed. I had definitely looked for parts of the bible that were most out of line with our scientific observations. I have held these beliefs for years and knew that these conflicts between scripture and science existed, but was using the internet to find them and be able to cite specific instances.
I continued on for a bit trying to get him to take a side on scripture vs. science with no success. In the end, I apologized for the line of questioning and plan to redirect the conversation to "what led you to believe that the bible is a factual document?" as then I am getting out of proving right / wrong and back to looking to understand.
It would probably be for the best if Greg and I would just abandon these conversations altogether, but it seems to be what we always circle back to. I know that we both enjoy talking about these things, but inevitably, once every couple of weeks, especially when a big political event comes along one of us says something and feels the need to apologize. Today it was me.
Am I the Asshole for pushing a friend who is a known conservative Christian on his beliefs as a biblical literalist? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
yGmN96vGAKWcHEZKf7DUKBAKrTea7u9M | afkyrf | {
"description": "Serving Toddlers, Parents and Closer kids before parents",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For Serving Toddlers, Parents and Closer kids before Parents | TLDR At the bottom
There are a few pieces of background here.
My wife is 2nd generation chinese and there is a cultural expectation on her side to serve the elders first.
Second, she asked me to post this on her behalf.
I'm 33m and don't speak the dialect in which the argument was spoken. The version of events below was more or less as provided to me from my wife (not on reddit)
Lastly, this was during our 3yo daughter's birthday party with about 7 families.
The party was going well and there are a mix of families with about 12 kids and their parents. This was held at a McDonald's so they do take the main orders and we provided a pretty unicorn cake. All is good until it's time to cut the cake and there are 3year olds lining up to get at the cake.
To prevent tantrums and hands in the cake we serve the closest people first. Anyway, grandma gets served 3rd last, and passes the cake off to her son. Wife gets another piece for her and grandma refuses the cake and is visibly upset.
wife asks what's wrong. (All in their dialect, but with angry tones so it's clear they're arguing)
Grandma says she should have been offered cake first before the kids, pregnant wives, and my side (who all happened to be closer).
Wife calls her out in chinese, "are you serious??? You couldn't wait to bring this up after the party? So you're throwing a fit at a 3year olds party?" To which the response is she should have been served first and how dare you (my wife) scold me (grandma), i didn't come here for you to scold me.
Wife replies that it was an honest mistake and that she will try to remember next time.
Grandma replies, "there wont be a next time, because you'll serve me first"
Issue currently unresolved as they left shortly after, should be noted she's pulled other small BS in the past. I.e. being angry at being greeted, "hey" instead of "hello".
My vote: NTA and pretty straight forward that you can't please everyone and that keeping toddlers happy is more important than wife's mom. Would like to know perspectives from culturea with the same cultural expectations about serving elders first.
TLDR: Wife's mom calls out wife in another language about being served close to last. Wife says she is ridiculous for throwing a fit at a 3yo's party. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
HWyWhW8MzxufWpGjRIkETDXeU5l2W5bD | 9xvqxi | {
"description": "not telling my (ex) significant other I slept with a woman she hated when I wasn't with her",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for not telling my (ex) significant other I slept with a woman she hated when I wasn't with her? | I have been in a messy relationship (lots of on and off) until a few weeks ago, and have an internal conflict about whether or not I am completely to blame for everything going wrong. It is important to note that my ex had significant trust issues with me.
Effectively, me and my girlfriend (lets call her Amy) had been together for around 18 months before breaking up. We eventually got back together about 3 months later. Anywho, in the 3 month gap, when I was single, I slept with someone other than her (call her Brooke) whom she absolutely hated. Amy had previously told me that she hated Brooke and anyone associated with her (however we play at the same sports club so I couldn't really avoid seeing her at all times). A month or so later, Amy and I rekindled.
When we got back together, she asked me if I had slept with anyone else. I disclosed all of the people I had been with except for Brooke, because I thought that telling Amy about Brooke would crush her and any chances we had of making it long term. I thought it best to wait a little while to tell her, when we were back on really solid ground. When I did tell her, shit hit the fan, and effectively she broke up with me for breaching her trust.
Am I the asshole in this situation? On the one hand I think my intentions in lying to Amy were pure, but on the other hand I should have recognised our trust issues, swallowed my pride and disclosed (potentially risking the relationship). Thanks | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
wLSxoOiXQYbqZBJOAyrlRjAgDoUiG5P9 | abbfoo | {
"description": "asking customer to leave",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking customer to leave? | I worked and played league at a very family friendly bowling alley. I was quickly given a lot of trust and responsibilities and was told they were hoping to make me the new night manager. I had never worked in this industry before and had just started bowling there shortly before. My husband and I spent a significant amount there as customers, far more than my pay. I was told to keep it a family friendly and safe environment and to ask people to leave if necessary.
My coworkers and I all got along very well. I didn’t like the man working behind the bar as he got into it with employees and customers often. I ran the social media for the alley and had to deal with complaints about him often. When I would speak to the head manager about it, he told me this guy was an old friend of the owner’s and a bowling whiz and that he will never be gone and we all just have to deal with him. Okay, I kept my distance.
Two nights a week a DJ would come in. With him would come a woman who never bowled and never spent a dime. I noticed she sometimes had drinks in hand. She was usually dressed pretty inappropriately and would hang all over the DJ. As time progressed she came more and more often and got more inappropriate and so did his comments over the microphone about her. However they were not a couple. One of my male coworkers was her target and he was so sick of her inappropriate behaviors and attentions. She also had a bad habit of going up to league bowlers and chatting, which is usually a no go depending on the seriousness of the player. I decided to keep an eye on her. My boss asked for my opinion on the atmosphere of the alley and our spending and I mentioned this woman and the DJ. He cost a fortune and the patrons rarely requested songs or acknowledged him and he took up valuable floor space as well. I mentioned a few complaints I’d received about the woman. My boss seemed interested in what I had to say and said he knew the woman I was referring to and that she’d been a problem for a long time.
Fast forward a bit- my husband came up to bowl on my shift one night and he saw the woman and says to me “OMG I know her, I slept with her once years ago. I didn’t call her back because I had a terrible time. She was pissed.”
The woman saw us together and saw me kiss him and after that, she made my life a living hell. She told all of my coworkers that she had fucked my Husband. She told them personal things about him and suddenly my workplace became like high school. Pointing, whispering and laughing, her flipping me off while I worked, etc.
One night she approached my husband and some other serious league players and tried to chat with them during their quiet practice. She started out only addressing my husband but he wouldn’t respond and she wouldn’t leave so she started talking to the others. This same night she had been especially obnoxious in my direction and had been making my job miserable all night. I found out she was sleeping with one of my married coworkers and that one of the league wives was also sleeping with him and a fist fight and tears and an altercation had occurred on the premises. This was all too much and I asked her to leave and not come back. She laughed at me and went to the guy behind the bar, who told me I was about to lose my job over this.
It turns out she has practically lived at this bowling alley for ten plus years. I don’t know why she had been MIA for my initial time there. She is sleeping with the guy behind the bar and gets a lot of free drinks. She doesn’t spend money there. A lot of people who had complained about her to me turned out to be really close to her- because they felt their jobs were on the line if they weren’t.
I was removed from my position and moved to a job working in the office- not actually in the bowling alley. The man behind the bar had demanded my firing and they said no but reached this compromise. She would still be allowed to be at the alley any time.
The next league night, my husband and I were both blackballed. I was accused of not using courtesy, not knowing the rules, bringing down the league and using the bathroom at inopportune times. We were heckled by the guy behind the bar and his teammates. I was in tears and my husband was furious. I ended up leaving the job and the league.
I pulled out receipts of my spending at the alley and showed my boss the financial errors of allowing a non paying visitor who bothers many people to take precedence over me. He said his hands were tied, she was a long time staple there and that he apologized for giving me too much power too soon.
I’m so salty about this because there’s nowhere else as cheap or as close to bowl and because now my relationship with my ex coworkers, who were good friends, is nonexistent because they chose their livelihoods (and rightly so).
Most of the people who know this story think everyone else is the asshole, but some think IATA for trying to kick her out. Some say I should have just ignored her and that it was because she’d slept with my husband. I tell them if I had to avoid places because someone there slept with my husband, I couldn’t go anywhere because he was a total ho. (It’s true, we see one night stands or exes of his everywhere, it isn’t great but it is what it is and we are all adults about it).
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6xs1ZcblHBaATtCTVgOWpr1dI10bNtaX | b11aor | {
"description": "refusing to help a friend get her kid to a good school",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing to help a friend get her kid to a good school? | We recently bought a new house - paid a whackload of a premium to get our kids into the best public school district in our city - a Toronto suburb. We haven't moved in yet, and my wife already has two of her friends ask her if they can register their address at our house.
The reason being is they want their kids to be in that school district as well.
At first, I felt uncomfortable but didn't say much. Started researching the practice. It is clear that the practice is common, and not cracked down on much in Toronto.
But then I find out one of the friends has filed for bankruptcy and is going through a very nasty divorce. My Spidey senses are firing on all cylinders now. So, I make it clear to my wife that I won't be an active or passive participant in fraud or take the risk of her personal situation somehow biting us in the ass.
My wife didn't like that answer, is making me feel like shit for not helping out her friends when they need help. Also, I've been getting multiple text messages from our friends telling me not to be an asshole and to think of the future of the kids - how I'm blocking them from getting a good education by not letting them put our house as their address.
I don't know anymore. I feel torn. so, AITA for blocking kids of good friends from having a better education at the price of a little harmless, and apparently common, fraud?
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 25,
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JFt7E1nC9IC5BDbBFOLdTtFwPn6WvUna | b486jx | {
"description": "not going to my cousin's baby shower",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not going to my cousin's baby shower? | TL:DR My Cousin and I used to be close when we were really younger (>10), but as we grew up, we became distant. I’ve tried to re-build this relationship growing up, but feel that the effort was never returned. She is having a child this summer and her baby shower is this week. I don’t want to go and my family is making me feel like the asshole for not going, especially since it’s the first child of the next generation in our family. AITA?
In my teens, I actively made an effort to support her. I went to her high school graduation despite being younger and just learning to drive (her school was an hour from where I lived). My immediate family didn’t even go. My aunt (her mom) and our grandma invite me over for Thanksgiving and Christmas every year. I’ve gone and tried to make conversation with my cousin, but she just gives me one word answers. When it came time for me to graduate, no one from her side came.
She got married two years ago. She was engaged after 2 weeks and married 2 weeks after that. I never met her now husband but still went to support her. I don’t mind how little she waited to get married as her husband was going to basic training. It was just really inconvenient not just for me, but for some of the other guests, to schedule for a wedding so last minute. My cousin didn’t particularly seem grateful or interactive with guests. I went and it was really awkward for me because I didn’t know anyone except for my Aunt and grandma. They weren’t around much because they were trying to hold the wedding together.
After the wedding, her husband was deployed across the world. She moved with him. That Thanksgiving, my aunt and grandma told me that my cousin was pregnant.
Earlier this month, they invited people to her baby shower. Which they are doing an hour from where I live via skype. The registry is on Amazon and there is a huge shipping costs with everything purchased. I’ve been contemplating going, but looking back, I feel my cousin has never made an effort to have a relationship with me. I don’t want to waste any more time or money on her. On the other hand, it’s the first kid in the next generation. My family is making me feel like an asshole for not going, even though I’ve brought up all the previous events. AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
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lfejLGSg6oqtbUGFiFxMFmKpjq9VFZJV | b6j7mr | {
"description": "not wanting to pay rent for something my friend uses too",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to pay rent for something my friend uses too? | So, a few months ago I started with Poledance and decided to buy my own pole. But since there's not really a lot of room in my apartment, I asked my friend who owns a building, to rent a room there in order to practice on my pole. I'm completly fine with paying rent for that of course.
The only thing is, I didn't get my "own" room, but he made me set up the pole in one of the rooms he uses for parties. I was initially fine with that because I'm not practicing on the weekends anyways.
But here's what I struggle with. He uses the pole for his parties. Which, I don't really have a problem with, but I don't really see why I would have to pay rent for putting the pole in there, when he uses it for his parties without paying me to use it or anything. (or even asking for that matter) I mean, I provide a 400+ $ Pole for his parties.
I talked to him about it and my concerns regarding the pole (it was pretty expensive and I don't want to get it damaged) and me not being okay with him using it when I'm paying rent to put it there. But he just told me to suck it up and that he can't stop anyone from using it during the parties because he's not around all the time etc.
But the thing is, he is actively encouraging people to use it, posting it on his facebook page that *he's* got a pole for the party room now and all sorts of stuff.
I told him to either stop encouraging people to use the pole or stop making me pay rent to put it there, but he just got angry with me, telling me I just want to be a cheap bitch and not pay rent etc...
Long story short: My Friend wants to use my property which I put up in a room I rented from him and gets angry when I tell him not to. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
4oS4VNOp3uT9c9O1wBW0xUqNT9cRv6dV | b12p2b | {
"description": "calling someone who wears a suit for fun a \"pretentious idiot\"",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 48
} | AITA for calling someone who wears a suit for fun a "pretentious idiot" | I'm in college and I was eating with friend A at the dining hall. He spots his friend B walking around and comments on how B has really good style. I notice that he was wearing a full suit and tie at the dining hall and if he just got out of an interview or formal event or whatever, to which A just says that B does it for fun. I said that B was being a showoff and kind of being a pretentious idiot. A says I was being an asshole with that comment. I don't really care about what other people do as long as it doesnt affect me, but I feel like wearing a 2 piece suit to eat at the dining hall is just unbearable and eyerolling. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 48,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 48
} | WRONG |
6SSHDZSp7akrARwHB13npOYNcWJM3cAn | ag3wws | {
"description": "not saying thank you",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not saying thank you? | AITA for not saying thank you? We were in the last class of the period. I sneezed and someone said bless you. I didn't say anything and continued on with my work. I then heard the girl that said bless you say, "He's not gonna say thank you?" She then asked her friends beside her and I heard them say things like, it's just polite, He's so rude, etc. I didn't say thank you because I wanted to get back to my work.
AITA for not saying thank you? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
1O9g8ADgzwFOEpYir9YBtWQInT7sRI1f | acv94s | {
"description": "not trusting my stepfather",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not trusting my stepfather? | Throwaway just because i’d like my privacy. A slightly long story, sorry.
My stepfather, who’s actually been in my life for longer than my biological father, is a great man. He’s well-liked, smart, he’s kind and i can see that he makes my mom incredibly happy. I never used to have problems with him — we’d do regular father-daughter activities as if we were related by blood, and I think of my stepbrother as a real brother. The point is that i love him just as if he was my real father.
But sometimes he has outbursts i don’t understand. My mother often works late into the night, and when she’s not here, my stepfather tends to get weirdly angry. He’d chastise me for every single thing i do wrong, he’d slam doors, yell at me and my stepbrother. When he’s particularly angry he throws things and call me worthless. I don’t usually take things like that to heart, but it’s different when a man you’ve trusted for most of your life does it. The breaking point was sometime early last year, where some of his actions went out of control and caused me to have a severe panic attack.
I think he was remorseful after that incident, because ever since then he’s rarely gone out of control. He seems calmer, and his outbursts are rare now. He also acts more cautious around me, as if he’s afraid of hurting me. He’s also gone out of his way to, idk, care about me more. He’s started to pick me up from school and bring home food from work he knows i like. Which is a refreshing change, and i appreciate that he’s being so nice, but i have to admit that ever since that incident i never acted the same way around him. I was cold and distant, despite his efforts to reach out to me. I’d ignore his calls and texts, rarely make an effort to speak to him, and when we did interact i always was short with him and a lot ruder than i had to be. I was openly warm and caring to my mother and stepbrother, while i barely spared him a glance. I guess I didn’t realize i was doing this until just recently my mother pulled me aside, and asked why i was being so cold to him. I promised her i would be nicer, but even after i’m aware of my actions, i just act like i used to around him. I know it’s hurting him that i won’t look him in the eye, but it’s almost impossible for me to bring myself to do it.
AITA for not being willing to reconcile with my stepfather, despite his efforts to mend our relationship?
| HISTORICAL | {
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PDZDfYHmvxolGrxFvaXLmADsyPfrudaO | af403c | {
"description": "asking a girl to engage in a forced sex fantasy roleplay",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA If I asked a girl to engage in a forced sex fantasy roleplay? | Not much to say. Been having casual sex for awhile and I have a strong desire to have a rape/home invasion roleplay. If I asked for this, and she got angry, scared, or disgusted, would I be the asshole for asking? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
6nz8mv3X2vZI49dk7vbNZdthqIOjZNwc | b1arbr | {
"description": "worrying about school while my grandma was dying",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for worrying about school while my grandma was dying? | Okay, so my grandmother died in September, and this has been bugging me since. My grandmother was my main supporter, both emotionally and financially through out my entire academic career. If not for her, I wouldn’t have had a cosigner for my student loans, and I wouldn’t be able to afford school (my mom pulled out Parent Plus loans, and my grandmother had to cosign). My grandmother was my main confidante, and was proud that I am the first in college and always supported me while I was in school.
In July, she got sick and had to stay in the hospital for extended amounts out time. I was in summer school, so while my mom was going everyday, I would have to miss days when my class got out late. I would come around 4 times a week.
As fall approached, my grandmother was getting sicker, but all the while was extremely concerned about my grades and school (as usual). She wouldn’t talk or eat, and it became very difficult for us to talk about her favorite things like we used too because she was depressed. The only thing that would catch her attention was if I told her I got a good grade on a test, and when I told her I got all A’s for the first time since Ive been in college.
My mother was going everyday after work. She worked 200 miles away, and we both lived 60 miles away from the hospital. She was my grandmother’s main supporter during my grandmother’s last months, and it was taking a big toll on her.
Early August came, and I still had no idea how I was going to pay for school. My grandmother always helped me handle things, and I had pushed back things because I didn’t want her thinking about finances while in the hospital. In late August, she was more so alert, but more depressed, and I took a chance and brought it up, and she was cool with it. My mom was there, and she looked upset.
I fill out the loan information, I submit it, and its denied. I’m absolutely freaking out. While Im visiting my grandmother in the hospital, Sallie Mae calls me and is talking to me about some loan information, so I leave the room and walk to the lobby to talk to them. The guy on the phone is like, “oh it’s okay, just try with someone else, or try the same cosigner after they get their credit up a little bit” and it just sets me of. I start crying. By the time the consversation with the Sallie Mae guy is over, my mom is ready to leave.
We get in the car, and have the most toxic interaction I’ve ever had in my life. By the time the hour drive home is almost done, she’s screaming and saying “you’re selfish”, “you only care about Nan because of your student loans”, “you’re the devil and you should be ashamed of yourself”. This has been on my mind for months, and it really has me wondering if they’re true. Me and my grandmother always made school a priority, but did I make it too much of a priority while she was dying? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Q1drLp9e0gedeLj3zOftieTLolgS1xd7 | 9tkoi7 | {
"description": "feeling angry at my friend for sleeping with my ex wife",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for feeling angry at my friend for sleeping with my ex wife? | TL;DR at bottom.
​
I'm seeing my ex-wife after 8 months of separation following a very clean, very civil divorce. Things are better than ever and we question our decision to divorce every day. We had been seeing each other off and on throughout the entire separation, going back and forth between wanting to make it work and wanting to move on. At one point during our moving on stage, her and my best friend hooked up. This is the guy I entrusted her with while I was deployed, as she's a bit of a social hermit, and I knew she'd need someone to keep her company (I know, I know, the irony). To my knowledge, I believe the two of them never fooled around during my absence. We divorced about 6 months after I returned home, and 6 months later they slept together.
Now, I understand that this was her attempt to move on, and I'm not mad at her about that. I slept with other people during this stage as well. What I'm upset about is that my friend was okay with this. I hesitate to call it "bro code," as I feel that cheapens the concept, but I feel like there is a code of ethics amongst friends. An agreement to respect sensitive situations like this. He doesn't know that I know, and I haven't spoken to him since. I feel like 6 months is way too soon for a friend to get involved like that. I feel like he should have contacted me somehow, to let me know what was occurring, not for my permission, because they're grown adults and can do what they want, but to at least respect our friendship. To my understanding, he refuses to talk about it with her. When it was happening, she tried to talk to him about me and he wanted no part of that conversation, which leads me to believe he feels it was wrong as well.
​
I want to make amends with him, but I can't help but feel angry at him for sweeping this under the rug, so to speak. I'm waiting, hoping that he contacts me so we can air it out. I'm hesitant to contact him myself because if I do, I feel like I'd ambush him with my knowledge of their "meeting" and force him to talk to me about it, rather than give him the opportunity to do so himself.
​
AITA for feeling betrayed?
​
TL;DR: Divorced after two years, ex and I were seeing each other off and on. About 6 months after the divorce, a very close friend ended up sleeping with her. He doesn't know I know, she was honest, her and I are working it out, as we're together again and plan on remarrying. Don't want to call it "bro code" but I feel like a code of ethics has been crossed by my friend and I feel betrayed. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
2lkYycu5WT2GpH0zaiwixdyZe8NfFkkI | arv1le | {
"description": "locking the door when I take a dump",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for locking the door when I take a dump? | So my ex is comfortable with himself. He farted while we were in the shower together and almost knocked my naked-ass unconscious. Like y'all, it was bad. I thought his colon was rotting from the inside. And that was about only a week and a half after we started talking. It didn't take long for him to start pooing in front of me. There's only been once when he locked the door, and that's because he said his booty-hole was going to explode. Sexy, I know.
​
As much as I'm okay with him dropping brown clumps of doodoo into the porcelain throne with the door open, I didn't want him to see me dropping anything into the chunder box. I don't usually care what people do, but I could never get used to pooping in front of someone. He would ask what I'm doing in the bathroom with the door closed, and I always answer by saying something like "BITCH! I'M TRYING TO TAKE A SHIT! LET ME BLAST ASS IN PEACE!". It happened quite often, and he would tell me to open the door and tell me that it's okay to let him see me be vulnerable. What he said would have been so cute if he weren't talking about my bowel movement.
​
I never wanted him to feel like I wasn't comfortable with him, cause I was. I just didn't want to shit in front of him. Maybe, eventually, I would have, but we never got to that point. Anyways, at what point do you let your partner see you poo? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
VQrb3oPFDd0Nat2i1FzJekFoaRniDFQx | a68lfz | {
"description": "joking with my teacher",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for joking with my teacher? | I'm in the last class of the day. My teacher, whom we can call J for this story, frequently makes jokes in class, just to make the class more funny. Now, I will admit, I do talk and get distracted in this class, but i still get my work done on time.
Like a lot of other people in the class, I make frequent jokes in the class. Today, J asked the class to view a document as part of an essay. The document was a small cartoon, and holding up the image, I said:
"I cant read this".
Me and my group partner start laughing, and J then says:
"I need to talk to you after class.".
I was so surprised. I just made a joke. Now, I have had similar issues with this teacher, and he has called me out for no reason before. I have accepted that I was the problem in some of these issues, but this one was just a light comedic statement.
After class, J tells me he wants to have a conference with my parents next week. He claims that I have been disrespecting him and making fun of him too much, and when I tried to say:
"I really didn't mean it like that".
He responded with:
"No, dude, this is the last time."
He is going to call my parents for a conference.
I dont know how to deal with this, I understand i can be a troublesome student, but i really meant no disrespect. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
jz7O8tJfrn4nIL2EGr11hZsGdSHNJOtY | b9qa41 | {
"description": "telling my friend to \"just get over it\" when his first love ghosted him over a year ago",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for telling my friend to "just get over it" when his first love ghosted him over a year ago? | around 2 years agoi think october 2017, my friend (i will call X) met a girl(i'll call Y). they met on discord in the server of X's favorite game, so they both got along quickly cause they played the same game.
all i know is that every night X and Y would be video chatting (we were all the same age) and X would always tell stories about their gameplay at school. X would sometimes stay up late just to play with her (cause time zones). i played with them sometimes, Y was a very fun girl to be with, it was easy to get along with her.
one day in school, X told me he liked her and she was his first love. i wasn't really surprised, he talked about her like she was the only good thing in his life. but around march 2018 Y was gone. she unfriended and blocked him and all of their mutual friends on basically all platforms.
X was devastated, of course i was upset but i didn't feel the grief to his level (me and Y were not that close) 2017 was a very rough year for X and i know that, he would sometimes say that Y was the reason why he didn't give up that time, he's tried many times to get into contact with her, but nothing. i've also tried to and it was to no avail.
it's 2019, X is still upset and has never been the same. last night, we were calling on discord and he once again mentioned Y. i kinda got frustrated and snapped, i told him it's already been a year and he should "move on cause i'm sure she already did." he stayed quiet and just ended the call.
i feel really guilty for saying that but i knew he had to move on.. if am an a-hole, please tell me how i can help him, thanks
this is my first reddit post, i've been watching a bunch of reddit youtubers (fresh, comment awards, etc) for awhile. apologies if this doesn't seem so reddit-y | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
QX7fPSP6sjpQp7YT6LrB2acJY9rnkXiU | al3m2s | {
"description": "applying for a position that my partner has also expressed interest in",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for applying for a position that my partner has also expressed interest in? | Some backstory is probably necessary, sorry in advance for the long read.
My partner (40f) and I (36m) work in the same field and have similar levels of education, so room for advancement is relatively slim without relocation. Recently a vacancy has come about due to an internal promotion and we have both discussed interest in the position. The position is more in her side of the business than mine, however I had interviewed for it 6 years ago when it was last open (and started my career in that side of the business). The position would put one of us in a position of middle management, however upper management is fully aware of the relationship and have indicated that it would not represent a conflict in either scenario (we both checked with our senior manager).
We have discussed the possibility of both applying for it and talked about what that would entail, including the power/authority differential inherent to being a part of the management team. There was no sentiment of not wanting her to go after it, and I felt like there was nothing wrong with me going after it. I felt like I was being very encouraging of her to go for the position too because she has a lot of great assets and would be a great fit for the position. We left our discussion on the subject Sunday evening. I spoke with my immediate supervisor on Monday and was encouraged to apply. I submitted my application and immediately told my partner that I had done the thing... to which she became standoffish and distant and we didn't talk until later Monday evening.
While talking about it my partner expressed that she is upset that I made a potentially life/relationship changing decision without giving her a heads up regarding making the decision. She also expressed frustration that I could potentially be placed in a position to tell her how to conduct her job. Additionally, she indicated that she feels like I don't value the relationship as I haven't put it first in this situation. My issue is that while talking about everything on Sunday, she didn't mention any of these concerns. I was left speechless. I apologized for making her feel like she wasn't a priority and explained my view that I feel a promotion for either of us would be awesome. She indicated that now she doesn't think she will even apply for the position and then indicated that she didn't even think she would initially as she doesn't want to be a part of the management team. I'm still trying to be encouraging as I want to see her grow as a person and love seeing her succeed and honestly feel like if she applied she would be the obvious choice.
She has also expressed that I should, "Do what I want, as she doesn't want to be a part of my career decision making process." She is still barely talking and I'm trying to give her space to process and explore her feelings (my natural style is to resolve these issues immediately which in the past has only caused greater turmoil). My thought in applying is that I've been trying to work my way up for years, I had a conversation with her where she didn't express any concerns, my supervisor encouraged me to apply and at the end of the day a promotion would have a big financial impact if either of us got it. I feel that I have been very supportive and continue to encourage her to apply as well... with a view that we would both be doing this for us.
So... let's have your judgment.
TL;DR: Partner and I talked about a job possibility that we were both interested in, I applied and told her I applied, she's mad at me now as she feels that I'm not putting our relationship first. Am I the asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
wNa7PU5NZJbqm42gcOLv3CraQwfyvBov | 9y2sea | null | AITA If told my husband that men can't be raped if someone has sex with them? Meaning getting them hard and then having sex. I think rape is vaginal or anal. It doesn't hurt the man or does it? | Title says it all. Let me know what you think. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
lqRf7oHYOGS9FM97pdF7IpX8bEsgMDjJ | b5i2uw | {
"description": "getting mad at my ex for flying out to meet a guy",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITAH if I got mad at my ex for flying out to meet a guy | Quick context, dated this girl for about a year and broke it off a few weeks ago. Honestly, as far as break ups go it was very civil. I still wanted to stay together but she didn’t and that was that.
We met up for coffee and it was actually a lot of fun. Durning she told me she was flying across the country to Georgia to meet ‘a friend’. I asked and she said it was a friend she met while we were together. Well now we are broken up and she’s going to see him which, even though I don’t like it, is fine because we are not together.
What bothers me is that I can’t help but feel this guy has a big part to play in why we broke up. Timing just fits too well and when we broke up she made me feel like I was the sole reason. If some guy came into her life and she wanted to put more into that than her relationship then I’m a little pissed of.
What does the internet think? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
d8ZzeUSbmZ35iQcgMuEG7TFwjZ4K45QS | 9y8s4q | {
"description": "telling my parents that I will be celebrating Christmas with my inlaws if they decide to invite my toxic cousin",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling my parents that I will be celebrating Christmas with my inlaws if they decide to invite my toxic cousin? | First of all, sorry about formatting, I´m on mobile and English is not my first language. I also need to say that this will be long and full of family drama, but I know this sub has a pretty neutral enviroment to find answers, so here goes nothing.
To give you a little bit of context I´m a 22yo female, my cousin is a 40yo female too, I´ll call her L. My family is catholic and my mom comes from a large family (youngest of 7 siblings), but me and my problematic cousin are both single childs. Christmas has always been an important holiday. In Spain we usually reunite 5 days in total (Dec 24th, Dec 25th, Dec 31st, Jan 1st and Jan 6th) so it is a big thing.
Last december we lost my aunt (L´s mother) to an agressive colon cancer and since then, everything has got worse. She is still living with her dad, my family has enabled her shitty attitude her entire life because she had “a difficult childhood” (she didn´t, she was raised by my mother until she was 13 because both her parents worked a lot, they made a shit tone of money, she had every single toy she wanted and all love and attention for being the little girl of the house. When she was a preteen his dad had an affair and as a result of that, he had another daughter… but my aunt decided to forgive him. That was her “difficult childhood”).
She has been this selfish, self absorved, manipulative, abusive piece of shit since I remember and that is why most of our family avoid her at all costs, she has to be the center of attention or there´ll be drama. Sadly, one of her enablers is my own mother and I don't even know what to do to open her eyes.
Some of her top tantrums are:
1. She is my godmother. When I was around 5 or 6 she came to my house screaming, I was a child so I didn´t know what was all of that about. She hit my mother and told her that I, a little kid, was a piece of shit and that I was dead for her. My mom had to threw her out of the house.
My mother´s response nowadays? “Oh come on thegoldennana, she was on medication, it was so hard for her, she didn´t mean it, you knows she loves you very much. I bet you would do the same”. For the context, her doctors said L was bipolar, but my family never accepted the diagnosis and changed the psiquiatrist. Now the enablers of my family say that she acted that way because of the medication.
2. She was violent and abusive towards her own mother, and towards her dad to this day. I remember her hitting my aunt in my own kitchen because she needed more money. One of my aunts (who hates her) told me some months ago that she stabed her own mother with a fork on the hand, my poor aunt was so embarassed to go to the ER because she didn´t want to press charges, I just want to cry about it because no one helped her because it was her “child”, a fucking grown woman.
I tell my mother that if my uncle was the one that hurt my poor aunt she would have called the police and would be making his life miserable, but since it was her beloved "child" she was enabling her. I feel disgusted about this, the hipocrisy kills me.
3. My poor aunt (L's mother) had breast cancer four years ago, luckily she survived. After all the chemo, L told her (during one of her MULTIPLE tantrums) that she deserved the illness and that it was such a shame that she didn´t die.
4. She has a cat. Poor cat has no toys because she doesn´t want to clean after he plays and she says she doesn-t have time to play with him, even though she doesn´t work because no job is good enough for her. My mother makes him homemade toys and beds and her father is the one that feeds hims and the one that cleans his box. One day one of her friends got her a puppy and the cat didn´t like it one bit. Nowadays the dog is ours, she left him here saying she would be back “tomorrow” but never came for him. Doggy is okay tho, he´ll be five next March.
5. The last string for me was summer 2017. We were at my house and I was having dinner alone because it was late. L and her mother were in the kitchen finishing a coffee and my mom wanted to go to sleep because she was tired, so she told them to please leave. She lost her shit. She went to the bathroom and came back yelling her mother that we didn´t want them there and that they should leave and never come back because we were rude pieces of shit. My mom, the enabler, told her “L honey, I didn´t meant it that way, I´m just tired, my head is hurting and I need to sleep” and she grabbed her arm to try to calm her down, L pushed her and told her “don´t touch me or I´m gonna rip your fucking head off”. I don´t even know what entered my body, I was shaking, I felt the rage through my veins… I went to the kitchen like I was on drugs and told her to don´t speak to my mother like that ever again because I would kill her. (I know it sounds cringy right now so sorry about that, but I saw red, I felt the need to defend my mother) She said “oh look at this badass over here” so I told her that she was a good for nothing 40yo piece of shit. She grasped and stormed through the door. Her mother was another enabler so she told me “hey thegoldennana, that was unnecessary, she isn´t 40 yet” and stormed behind her.
You wanna know what my mom did? She got mad at me for yelling at her, she told me that she had “everything under control” and that it was my fault things escalated… I wanted to cry. A couple of my aunts came home right after the incident because one of them lives on the 5th floor and we live in the 8th floor. They were having coffee too and heard the yelling. They reassured me and told my mother that she was in the wrong, but it didn´t matter. L NEVER said she was sorry, because she thinks everything she does is fine.
6. As I said before, my aunt died last December. She went to the ER on the 21st of september and never got out until they sent her home to die peacefully. My mother slept with her every single day until she died because her own daughter couldn´t be bodered to be by her side. She just wanted the car to spend money and go out with friends, so she visited her mom 5 minutes every other day.
When they sent her home to die, all she wanted to drink was some kind of gas water that comes out of a natural fountain in a town 30 minuts drive from where we live. My aunt (the one who is not an enabler) gave her 50 euros and told her to please get gas and go a get the water for her mother. Hours went past and she didn´t go, her excuse? “oh I´m sorry, but I have to look after the economy of this family”. My aunt was so enraged she would have killed her in that moment. That water was the only thing her dying mother wanted to drink and she denied her that because she was a lazy piece of shit. Thankfully my uncle got her the water that night.
Days after, I was there, holding my aunt´s hand when she passed away. Her daughter was in the kitchen making the act of her life with a couple of friends.
A couple of days after was her funeral. When everything was done, the whole family decided to have lunch somewhere because it was late to start cooking. She threw a tantrum because she wanted to go to Lola´s (not the actual name of the restaurant). Not a single one of us could believe what she was asking for, that was the restaurant where we would go to celebrate things with my deceased aunt, I only have memories of that place with her and I can´t put a foot there almost a year later because I would sob uncontrolably. She got mad until one of my aunts (another enabler) went to Lola´s with her and her friends, and by the way, my aunt had to pay for everyones lunch.
7. Last Christmas were pure chaos, my mom told me to please go with them to my uncle´s house, because that was what my deceased aunt would have wanted, so silly me, I went.
We got there about 8 pm to make dinner (this was on Dec 24th) and after telling me that my make up was hideous (if she isn´t the one doing your make up, then your make up is shit) it went downhill pretty fast. Everyone was doing something, we were helping each other with everything, except L of course. She was whining about being hungry and cold so we told her to help with something so she wouldn´t be that cold, but hes answer was “nah, I´m good, I don´t want to do anything“ so she kept on whining, making everyone late with her shitty facebook videos and making her father miserable telling him that he was a piece of shit for having a beer with a couple of friends (hipocrisy 100, because she was hungover) and talking shit about him having another daughter. Things got worst while we were having dinner. She likes to make childish and vulgar sexual jokes about everyone, so she said to my parents “hey uncle, i´m sure you love to lick your wife´s clam every night” out of fucking nowhere, because there was a gastronomic program about clams on the TV. I told her to shut up, that we were eating and that I didn´té have to think about what my parents did in private. She got pissed and told me that I should take a joke, so I told her that she wouldn´t like it if I said that about her parents and she said that it was not the same because her mom was dead, so she got mad again when I told her that every single person on that table was grieving the death of her mother and not only her. I went to my inlaws´s with my bf the rest of the holidays.
8. This summer karma got her, she broke her wrist. She had surgery but didn´t follow through with the exercises her doctor told her to do so she has to have surgery again. This is the perfect excuse for her to not getting a job. Now her plan is asking for government money. She already has a pay because of “fibromyalgia”, she chose that one because they don't know what causes it, so no one can prove she doesn´t have it. Are you getting what type of person she is?
9. A couple of weeks ago she was talking on the phone with my mom and t | HISTORICAL | {
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Zc5Wh4QUzeuWEGyJV7LxuoJN1ZV9iDa7 | a823g9 | {
"description": "telling strangers I'd rather not discuss my injury",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling strangers I'd rather not discuss my injury? | I work in a front-facing position in a medical-related office. I have a minor but painful foot injury that requires, among other things, immobilization with an Anklizer walking boot. I get asked about it >10 times a day. The injury is one most people have never heard of, is somewhat complicated to explain, and is frankly boring to have to talk about all the time.
I'd kind of had it this afternoon and when the 5th or 6th client asked about my foot I told her simply, and nicely, that it's a minor injury and I'd rather not discuss it. She responded very negatively, told me she was only trying to be nice and it's rude to refuse to answer a simple question.
I understand I WBTA if I expected people not to ask--the Anklizer is hard to hide--but AITA for responding to questions with a statement of preference not to talk about it? This woman seemed really upset, which is why I ask. | HISTORICAL | {
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zlF6Ypfv9bTSrNYnFE7IywIs3Y2MU062 | apiy9x | null | AITA Husband kicks out my friend while I'm away and I do nothing | This is my first reddit post, so hopefully I'm doing it right.
Some context, this girl and I got out of boot camp about 3 days apart and I show her the base and whatnot and find out we're both 18 and going into the same job. We go to our school where we learn our job and she burns bridges with the class because she's rude and defensive over little things and had some weird hygiene habits. I'm pretty quiet and just want to study and do well but I'm pretty softhearted at this point and continue to be friends with her. She can be a really sweet girl, she had some family problems and didn't have a lot of friends which is why she came off so defensive. We were pretty close and after we got stationed in the same area stayed friends.
She's still sweet to me but has some issues being incredibly rude to people out of the blue and telling her stories like everyone else was in the wrong, perhaps a bit entitled but not a bad girl. I would politely open her to the opposite side but didn't speak too outwardly as i was still settling in and didn't want to upset my only friend in a new place.
Fast forward we've both been on a deployment, I've been dating this guy for about a year and we decide to move in together after my deployment. She visits and is still quirky also going through her college ho phase which makes for some other interesting stories. But she's still nice to me even though she's built up notoriety at our workplace as being kind of bitchy. She's only nice to me and I'm not just going to abandon her at this point it's been a while after all.
Another year goes by, she comes to our place for Christmas and is really thoughtful about our gifts. She's getting out in a couple months and doesn't have much of a plan. I tell her she always has a place with us.
At this new year, my husband decide to get married and buy a house. Everything goes well, I'm transferred to a nearby command and am starting to get that sorted while I'm also working as admin in my workplace. I'm dealing with most of the home buying stuff on top of trying to make a good impression. Finally we're moving out soon. About 2 weeks prior she comes over crying that she didn't have anywhere to go and she's out tomorrow. I tell her that I'm here for her and that she'll just have to stay here with us. My husband agreed she could stay with us while she looked for a new job and her own place.
Now we move to our new house and she's still with us, no biggie. Then I'm getting busier and busier with work and college assignments and I was having a harder time dealing with her behavior. She would eat food and not pitch in to replace it, was on unemployment so i never felt right asking rent, she ran the electric bill up by leaving the heater maxed out in her room all the time and never turned anything off. She would play shows she knew I wasnt a fan off on the TV while I was writing essays on the desktop, which wouldn't be an issue except it was so loud and I hate zombie noises. She ignored my brother who lived with me and would trash talk his long hair to people at work. Would refuse to work a minimum wage job because she felt she was worth more than that,even starting out. She would always talk about her sex life with my husband and bring strangers into our home. She was nice enough to my pets until they would do something wrong and I saw her swat my dog for peeing on the floor and the cats avoided her religiously. She would also use massive amounts of toilet paper, I'd be picking up 12 packs every week to the point my brother had to start keeping some in his room so he would come home from work and not worry about an empty roll.
She's still nice to me and I don't know how to say anything about how irritated my husband and brother are and we remain civil. I go on detachment for a month and in that time my husband says she needs to work on finding a job and start paying rent or find somewhere else to crash. She's been with us almost 7 months.
This. Incensed. Her. I come home to her ranting about how wronged she felt and I just had to awkwardly assuage her and say I'd talk to him about it.
I'm at another friend's babysitting when she calls me and tells me that I'm a liar and terrible for letting my family treat her this way and saying my husband treated her like "she was the dirty Mexican " (my husband was born in Mexico) I betrayed her friendship by not standing up for her. I apologized and tried to get her to stop yelling as I left the earshot of kids and she continued to tell me how I should never have invited her to stay if I was just going to kick her into the streets and how I ruined her life. I felt really bad about it so didn't defend myself. She was gone by the time I came home, dumped a pot of chili into the sink and left trash all over her room. I cleaned it up before my husband got home and she blocked me on everything. I still worry she's on the streets somewhere and it's my fault. Should I have stopped my husband? Done something different to compromise? I still feel like I'm the asshole for letting my husband kick her out when I was away and not arguing in her defense.
Sorry for the long read, I appreciate it if you took the time | HISTORICAL | {
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dtu9HEg4DCOvkhOXS7bx81FHpSsdXpdp | awtwor | {
"description": "not wanting to babysit my cousins kid",
"pronormative_score": 15,
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} | AITA for not wanting to babysit my cousins kid? | My cousin has a daughter, she's almost 2 years old. From when she was a baby I've babysat a lot. Most of the time it's in the weekends from 7 till sometimes 2 am. Lately I'm starting to say no if she asks me if I can babysit because I'm really busy with school and I need some time to myself as well.
She's not paying me, her and her partner brought it up one time that they were going to start paying me but never came back to it. It's not about the money, but I'm spending my whole evenings there , when I only get home from school at 5. I know she's family and I love her daughter and get along with my cousin pretty well also. But it's not my kid.
We advised her to ask a friend of us who would like to babysit. But she doesn't want to do that, we think it's because she doesn't want someone she needs to pay. And it's not like she doesn't have any money.
I feel quite bad about saying no when she asks me, but I have other things to spend my time on that need it as well.
Am I the asshole ? | HISTORICAL | {
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I7y1orvklb54lOlGmgW1VbMkLrgfHDjQ | aw0iww | {
"description": "wanting to stop being friends with a girl who has no friends other than me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to stop being friends with a girl who has no friends other than me? | tl;dr at the bottom
I’ve only been friends with this girl for ~1.5 years. We were super close a year ago when it was us two plus two other girls, so the 4 of us would hang out a lot. I think I was able to handle her because there were two other friends always present so I didn’t have to deal with her alone. Ever since the two other friends have left, I’ve started seeing how this girl really is and it’s pretty annoying.
Basically, the problem is that she’s super self-absorbed. She only does stuff that would advance HER interests, HER career, etc. She thinks everything is always about her. She constantly put down my likes. She explicitly fakes interest in things if they will advantage her in some way. She likes things her way or no way. She’s super unwilling to compromise in any situation. She’s always ready to shut me down, and does so by telling me to either “shut up” or “shush” if I ever point out something she opposes or was unaware of. So. Freaking. Annoying. I guess all of this is good for her to advance HER goals and stuff, but it’s not good for her if she ever aims to attain/maintain relationships with people lol.
It makes sense then that she has no friends other than me, and she’ll talk to people she’s met through me. She complains all the time about having a RBF and blames it for her lack of friendships, but I highly doubt the way you look can ward off people to that extent. And I don’t even think she has a RBF. But anyway, she doesn’t make any effort to make new friends either. Solely complains.
Recently, I’ve started to distance myself from her because of how toxic and annoying she is. She’s not dumb so I’m pretty sure she’s gotten the hint, but I do kind of feel bad that she’ll have no friends left. AITA for leaving her like this? Also, should I confront her about this? I have opted not to because we have a lot of classes together in the future and it’ll be awkward.
tl;dr: a friend is super self-absorbed and hence has no friends other than me. I’ve had enough of her toxic traits and started distancing myself from her, AITA for leaving her all alone? | HISTORICAL | {
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NqkvykDGIEw4goJXdFGRQfINK9PORtCV | b72isy | {
"description": "being annoyed when obnoxiously loud students post this",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for being annoyed when obnoxiously loud students post this? | I am at BYU, actually a mathematics major who basically hates everyone who goes to the Castle (a room on the 2nd floor overlooking an entrance and study area) in the Talmage. I just found this posted outside the door (that is locked and the passcode is only given to certain people) and it set me off.
[https://imgur.com/gallery/LYTtcC0](https://imgur.com/gallery/LYTtcC0)
What say ye users of Reddit? | HISTORICAL | {
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PwKIL0Lq9ftvhvByxNH7G1vcZxH4AYsy | awohxx | null | AITA For snitching? | My auntie is spending time in hospital with my sick cousin, the nurses did something small to piss her off. They gave her a meal that was liquified as per the medical chart for my cousin, however she had been eating his meals and bringing food in for my cousin as he has a specific diet she doesn’t trust the hospital with. As she was unable to eat the food she got angry and decided to take revenge.
The hospital has coloured stickers on patients doors to indicate special requirements like low cal diet, low sugar diet, if they need hoisting out of bed etc. She decided to randomly swap these around!
As soon as I was made aware of this I called the hospital to tell them what she had done as I was worried about the safety of patients. I told her I had called the hospital via text as I was way too to angry to speak to her. She has not spoken to me or my mum since (this was December) I feel bad for causing a family falling out but I feel like it’s her fault for doing something so absolutely incredibly disgraceful. | HISTORICAL | {
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a5Lte5AVoGTzp8VvmRcQslrspWFR3Q8l | avu0fd | {
"description": "wanting some sort of compensation for my roommate using my switch",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for wanting some sort of compensation for my roommate using my Switch? | So I've been the proud owner of a Switch for a couple months now, and I bought Smash as soon as it came out. Before that I picked up Breath of the Wild and played that for a month or two. But a little after Smash came out, one of my roommates got really into it and asked me if he could use the Switch to play. I didn't mind at all and was happy to let him use it. Now this is probably my fuck-up, but when I loan something to someone, I assume they'll do what I would do, and treat it with the utmost care possible. Anyway, that takes us to now- since I use a gamecube controller to play Smash, I've been using that and that only to play since the game came out. My roommate has been using the joycons, both when we play as a household and a fair amount on his own with the Switch out of the dock. So last night I grabbed the Switch to play in bed for a little while, and I noticed a grating creaking and lack of response with the trigger on the right joycon. This wasn't present the last time I used it a while ago, and it affects how the controller functions. I haven't actually confronted him about this yet, but I feel that because I was loaning something of mine with no strings attached that he should be responsible for repair/replacement of the Joycon, since by most estimations it was probably his use of the system that led to the creaking issue. Am I the asshole for assuming sharing something of my own comes with the implicit agreement of treating it better than something you own, and being responsible if something on it breaks/goes defective?
**Tl;dr:** Roommate borrows my Switch to play smash. $70 controller starts to squeak because of said Smashing. AITA for wanting him to be responsible for fixing or replacing said controller? | HISTORICAL | {
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jl5IOWnXXnPvwgUrZT2OeqmAqwPwSly3 | 9ww9b5 | {
"description": "not wanting to help my friend in a class anymore",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to help my friend in a class anymore?? | Throughout the semester, my friend and I have been in a finance class together. I come to class, take notes, make my own study guides for quizzes, and always try to understand the material the best I can. At the beginning of the semester, I helped my friend by doing small things like sending him my study guide if he claimed to have a lot of assignments and grabbing the problem sets that we can only get in class for him if he couldn't come. As the semester has gone on, though, he's stopped paying attention in class entirely. When he does show up, he's usually working on homework for different classes and not paying attention at all. The last straw for me was him trying to put his name on my extra credit assignment (we could work in groups and I tried to work with him, he just didn't respond to me about it until the day it was due) without actually helping. I've just become less willing to help him because it feels like he's taking advantage of my effort at this point. So AITA for not wanting to help him anymore?? | HISTORICAL | {
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chJe58hfHeXAGnTtoqaoN6UIh2SZyTgN | af4qxm | {
"description": "telling my sister she smells like urine",
"pronormative_score": 8,
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} | AITA for telling my sister she smells like urine? | Throwaway for obvious reasons
So some background: my sister wet the bed up until she was about six. She then constantly wet herself because while doing anything she refused to take bathroom breaks. It got to the point of my mom having to take the controller away because she would sit for hours and wet herself not wanting to take a two minute break. We have half the basement to ourselves (we share a half, the other half is storage). Our beds are about 4 feet apart and there is pretty much zero privacy. Also, we are at our moms house for the week and my dad's on the weekend's.
She is 11 now. For the past 1½-2 years she has reeked of urine. And by reeked I mean reeked. Standing two feet away you could smell it. All her clean clothes, her bed, and all her stuffed animals all smell like urine. It's so bad that sometimes when she sits on the couch I have to spray it with fabreez after because it's so bad.
I have let my dad know multiple times and every time I get the same response: "okay, I'll talk to her when I see her" and nothing has changed.
So, I resort to telling her myself. I have told her about ten times over the past few months that she smells like urine. I try to be polite but I know I come off as a bit rude. I then get my mom chiming in saying "stop being rude". She has pulled me aside multiple times saying not to bring it up because I am making it up for attention (?) and I just want her in trouble. She claims she smells nothing.
It has gotten so bad to the point that in the store I need to stray a few feet behind to not gag. I can't do anything.
About a week ago my mom pulled me aside and said something along the lines of "you need to stop telling your sister she smells. I don't smell anything and if you're trying to get her in trouble, it's not working. When you tell her this it makes her cry and it is very rude. You will be in trouble if you bring it up again"
So, am I the asshole for pointing it out?
TL;DR told my sister her and all her stuff smells like urine, my mom tells me to shut it
| HISTORICAL | {
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WMRiiBrpe3Jr9pf12nzm4THOpz9qlqjX | b41qzq | {
"description": "referring to Abortion as \"yeeting out the ball of cells\" to my Infertile Mother",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA For Referring to Abortion as "Yeeting out the ball of cells" To My Infertile Mother | Let me preface this, I think I am the asshole. My friends don't think ITAS. Obviously, Reddit was the answer to this conundrum.
​
Background:
I'm adopted, my sister is as well. We both grew up knowing we were adopted. I was so lucky to be adopted by my parents. My family is fucking amazing.
​
The reason my parents chose to adopt was because my mom was unable to get pregnant. They tried everything. My mom eventually had a miscarriage. She didn't know she was pregnant at the time. I think that was the turning point for them, that pregnancy wasn't possible for her.
​
So now the real AITA Story:
​
My mom saw a used pregnancy test in the trash and basically said "I'm here for you, do you need to talk about anything, etc" .
​
It was negative. I knew it would be. Shoutout anxiety disorder.
​
Reassured her I was not pregnant, that got us to joking about if I was pregnant and I said to her "No worries. If I was pregnant I'd yeet that ball of cells out with a pill."
​
The second I said that her face was just sad. She looked so hurt. In no way was I trying to be mean.
​
I kept thinking how I have no idea what she went through, how many doctors she saw, how much money it cost, just to raise a child.
​
This has been eating away at me. If IATAH, advice on how to rectify the situation would be greatly appreciated.
​
\*note: my mom is pro-choice\*
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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D6M3wHFewWvufEkXfuPTaIsCRrfBYkSq | b6rlxa | {
"description": "not doing a friend a favor in order for him to stay out of legal trouble",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not doing a friend a favor in order for him to stay out of legal trouble? | My friend works at a warehouse that holds very expensive equipment, tonight he came to my house with a full bag of items that he stole from his job. He asked to me to do the favor of hiding these items or do whatever i want with them. Because apparently the cops know about him stealing these items and they’re most likely doing some investigation. I asked him several times to tell me what happened, he replied by saying the less you know the better and said that he’ll tell me the full story tomorrow. I told him that im not gonna do him the favor unless he tells me what exactly is going on in detail right at that moment. He insisted that he can’t tell me right now. I asked why ask me for the favor and not someone else, he said he does not have anyone else. So i said no and he took a train back home. Which means he spent money to go to my house, and go back (expensive train) to get nothing out of it. Now i do feel bad, because he has done me a lot of favors but i just had to sit this one out. Am i an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
QdP1XQuxVruQgmOmyuHeptVSTysLW1la | atonl7 | {
"description": "falling for my roommate's gf",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for falling for my roommate's GF? | So I live in a house with 8 guys, needless to say its a masculine environment. A few weeks ago a girlfriend moved in so now there is at least some female presence (this is not the girl in question).
I've never been an active pursuer of women, all of my previous girlfriends have approached me first. This isn't because I'm not interested, its just I am very shy and when a girl approaches me I find it very attractive. Anyway, another one of my roommates (Jo) has a girlfriend (Steph) who is frequently around at our house and she is very flirty with me. SHe's flirty with everyone in a very non-threatening way, but especially so with me. For example, I'll be working in the living room and Steph will come out and sit next to me, when Jo comes out looking for her she will grab my arm and lay her head on my shoulder then some something strange and leave with Jo.
I've started to feel feelings for her, and her behavior only strengthens them. If we're hanging out in a group and she leaves, she'll do the standard give everyone a hug thing, but she will kiss my cheek. She doesn't kiss the other guys. She and I have long eye contact sessions, and I feel like she feels something also. She once even said that I was her favorite guy living in my house, and she 'just sleeps with Jo, for IDK why'.
Last night, she came into my room and asked for some gum. She kissed my cheek again when she was leaving. I saw it coming and really wanted to turn my head at the last second and actually kiss her. I would never do this because she is dating my good friend (Jo is an awesome human) , but that split second has replayed in my mind like 40 times today and I wish I had turned my head. This feeling makes me feel guilty, especially because I don't know for sure if she shares any of these emotions and further if she and I did anything it would ruin my friendship not only with Jo but with my entire social circle.
So, AITA for feeling these emotions and wishing that I had kissed her? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ab9sNl6jfbO2NnZ5zqevu6qVaKJdHG6v | ar5bbj | {
"description": "ignoring my grandmothers calls after she said something mean to me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for ignoring my grandmothers calls after she said something mean to me? | I’m going to start off by saying I love my grandmother but she’s a toxic human and she gets away with it because of her age, which is maybe rightfully so.
Yesterday she stopped by my house to drop off Valentine’s Day gifts for my kids. She said she wasn’t going to come inside because she was sick but she did anyways. She asked me to put on soap operas while she rested a minute so I did. I let her know I was going to bathe my infant and I’d be right back. While I was bathing the baby she went around my house inspecting everything and came to me and said “You have so much trash, I’d hate for DFACS to come in here.”. I was taken back because wow... did you just imply my kids need to be taken? I’ve been doing the Kon-Mari method so I have bags laying around that are being thrifted but besides that... my house isn’t that bad. I’m not a hoarder in any sense of the word and I don’t even leave dishes in the sink/on the counter. The kids leave their toys out sometimes and mess with the sofa cushions but that’s about it.
Anyways, she’s been calling me all day and I just can’t pick up. I’m really upset she would even mention that to me. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
LWfxsAVsMyVvbpg79dxm5YJq69wZGvr4 | b3e8pq | {
"description": "not caring that my friend was asexual",
"pronormative_score": 52,
"contranormative_score": 20
} | AITA For not caring that my friend was asexual? | Last year I sat with a group of girls at lunch now I only sat there because I was trying to get closer with my crush and as a result became friends with her friends. One day my friend lets call her Momoe said that she was coming out as an asexual. My crush and the other girl immediately told her that they wouldn't judge her for it. Now I don't know if being asexual means making a decision to not have sex or if it means they don't feel any sexual urges. Well she made it sound like she never gets any sexual urges and I personally didn't believe that. Now it is also my belief that if something doesn't affect me I should just stay out of it since it probably wouldn't be my place to tell them what they are. So I remain quiet and just sit there. I also never try to act like I care when I really don't. She notices I am not saying anything so she asks what I think. So I tell her that you can do what you want and I won't care unless it affects me. She gets angry and accuses me of being a bigot. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 51,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 4
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 52,
"WRONG": 20
} | RIGHT |
nrK7GklUWdPAJDbtrRpFMDpPeQ65tbRT | 9w7h0p | {
"description": "having my wedding on July 4th",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA if I have my wedding on July 4th? | Like the title says, would it be an asshole move for me to have my wedding on July 4th? That day also falls on a Thursday. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
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