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i wish i could turn off the part of my body that 's attracted to him . | [
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if anything , though , my sex dreams about him have only become more frequent and more alarming ever since he laid his hand on my thigh . | [
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`` and here 's your room . '' | [
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i ca n't believe it 's right next door to nate 's room . | [
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there are so many rooms in this place-i would have preferred to have a bit more separation between us . | [
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`` whoa , '' i say as she pushes the door open , and my misgivings about the room are forgotten . | [
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a canopy with a delicate white fabric settled on it hangs over the four-poster bed in the center of the room . | [
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a matching nightstand , bureau , and vanity make up the rest of the furniture . | [
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the wallpaper is a tasteful , blue and white pattern with small birds on it that complements the light , airy feel of the room . | [
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i release the handle of my luggage and head over the to the window seat and kneel on it . | [
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there 's a spectacular view of the potomac river below-the house was clearly built to play up the amazing location . | [
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i glance to my left . | [
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`` is that my own bathroom ? '' | [
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`` yup-no more sharing ! '' | [
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my mom replies gaily . | [
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i step inside and admire the all-white tile and huge tub . | [
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i 've never been in a house so nice . | [
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i ca n't believe i 'm actually going to call this place home from now on . | [
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`` you want anything to eat ? '' | [
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my mom asks from the bedroom . | [
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`` um , yeah , that would be great , '' i call over my shoulder . | [
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`` ok , i 'll whip something up . | [
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you stay here and get settled . | [
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i 'll be in the kitchen when you 're ready to eat . '' | [
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i wander back into the bedroom as my mom disappears down the stairs . | [
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there is one question i have that i ca n't bring myself to ask her . | [
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it 's just ... i know my mom worries about money , about me graduating from school with so much debt . | [
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it 's not that i think she would have married pierce just for the money , but i worry that it might have clouded her judgment a bit . | [
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they got married so quickly-can she really know him that well ? | [
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maybe i 'm just falling back into my usual pattern of co-dependency and mothering her . | [
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she 's a grown woman , i ca n't control what she does and i 'm not responsible for her decisions ... not to mention , i am hugely relieved to not have to carry around student loans for the rest of my life . | [
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i kick my sandals off and sink back down onto the window seat . | [
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the potomac is a dark green sliver barely visible through the bushy trees that line the back of the estate and continue down to the shoreline . | [
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i startle as a figure breaks the stillness . | [
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i recognize nate 's head as he walks up from the lower lawn to the pool , a lacrosse stick tucked over his shoulder . | [
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sheesh-is he training already ? | [
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school just ended ! | [
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i bite my lip as i watch him toss the stick on the deck and peel off his shirt . | [
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he uses it to wipe the sweat off his face , then tosses it on a chair and kicks off his sneakers . | [
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his body is just ... impossible . | [
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i mean , i guess it makes sense . | [
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two varsity sports are probably enough to give anyone a body like a greek god , but he also has the face to match . | [
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he jumps in the pool and i watch him swim a lap , the cool blue water cascading over his muscular back and shoulders . | [
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i need to get used to seeing him like this-and stop acting like a total freak every time we 're in the same room . | [
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this is my new normal . | [
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`` your food 's ready ! '' | [
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my mom calls upstairs , her voice echoing a bit in the multi-level foyer . | [
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i jump up and head downstairs . | [
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i turn into a formal dining room before finding my way to the kitchen . | [
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i stop as i realize the kitchen windows look directly out onto the pool . | [
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great . | [
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`` i ca n't believe nate 's already in the pool . | [
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the water 's still freezing , '' my mom comments . | [
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`` yeah , he 's crazy ... '' i reply , before i really hear what she said . | [
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i 'm too distracted by nate 's backstroke , his arms cutting cleanly through the water . | [
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`` so you two never once ran into each other on campus in the three years you 've been at uva ? '' | [
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she asks , sliding a blt onto the glass table in the breakfast nook . | [
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we sit down across from each other and i start eating . | [
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`` no , well ... we had n't ever met . '' | [
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`` but ? '' | [
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my mom digs , hearing a slight hesitation in my voice . | [
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`` well , nate 's really well known around campus . | [
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he starts on the lacrosse and crew teams , he 's smart , good- '' i catch myself and pretend to clear my throat . | [
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`` good-looking ? '' | [
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my mom asks with a smile . | [
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`` mom ... '' i groan . | [
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`` well , he is . | [
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i 'm not blind . | [
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actually , pierce looked just like him when he was his age . '' | [
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i see nate get out of the pool over my mom 's shoulder and shake himself off . | [
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i force myself to look down at my sandwich as he walks across to a lawn chair and lies down . | [
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`` what happened to nate 's mom ? '' | [
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my mom winces . | [
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`` pierce does n't really like to talk about it-too painful . | [
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apparently , she cheated on him and then abandoned him and nate . | [
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they never see her . '' | [
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`` oh , that 's awful , '' i murmur , trying to shove down the twinge of pity i feel for my new stepbrother . | [
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`` i think it 's one of the things that brought us together-raising a child by ourselves . '' | [
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my eyes flick to the door as nate slides it open . | [
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he 's put his shirt back on but it clings to his still damp torso , emphasizing his muscular pecs and shoulders . | [
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he drops his sneakers on the mat as he shuts the door behind him . | [
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`` hey nate , '' my mom greets him . | [
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`` would you like a sandwich ? '' | [
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`` you do n't have to do that , '' he says , a little gruffly . | [
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`` i do n't mind at all , '' she replies , standing to move back to the counter . | [
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he pauses , then sits in her abandoned chair a bit reluctantly . | [
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`` it 's so funny that you and brynn never met at school ! '' | [
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`` i think there might have been one time- '' he says , glancing at me , that same devilish look back in his eyes . | [
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i feel his knee come to rest against mine under the table , and i quickly cross my legs . | [
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`` in class . | [
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we have been in a few of the same classes together , '' i clarify , narrowing my eyes at him . | [
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`` we have ? '' | [
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he asks looking genuinely surprised . | [
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my mom quietly spreads mayo on a slice of bread at the marble island . | [
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`` yes , '' i whisper , embarrassed . | [
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of course he would n't remember all of the times we 've sat in the same classroom-only the time when i ogled him in the doorway of his bedroom and completely embarrassed myself . | [
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i blush . | [
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i want to sink into this seat cushion and disappear . | [
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he frowns at me then turns his palm over and begins to pick at a callous . | [
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`` so honey , pierce says you 'll start your internship on monday , ok ? | [
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