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i ask , immediately hearing stress in her voice . | [
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`` oh , it 's nothing , but pierce wo n't be able to get out of the office long enough to go kayaking today . | [
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i 'm just going to drive down to the office now , so at least he and i can have lunch together . '' | [
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`` ok , should we- '' `` no , you two go kayaking and have fun , alright ? | [
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we 'll see you tonight for dinner . '' | [
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`` oh , alright , if you 're sure , '' i reply , wincing as i catch nate watching me , his muscular torso gleaming in the sun . | [
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`` your dad got caught up in work stuff , and my mom 's going to go meet him at the office for lunch , so they 're not coming . | [
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they said we should still go if we want , '' i explain as i hang up . | [
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`` since we 're here , '' nate says with a shrug . | [
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`` you ever been kayaking here before ? '' | [
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`` never been kayaking at all . '' | [
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`` well , you 'll love it , '' he replies , locking up his car . | [
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`` says the captain of the uva crew team . '' | [
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i smile . | [
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in short order , we 're pushing off the dock in a tandem kayak . | [
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with nate 's powerful oar strokes , we quickly clear the shallow , muddy water and head toward the open water . | [
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`` you 'll get the hang of it , '' nate encourages me , and i turn around to smile sheepishly at him . | [
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`` i think i 'm just holding you back , here , '' i laugh , trying to get the feeling of how to dip the oar in the water at the right time . | [
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`` well , i have a lot more experience than you in a boat , '' he says . | [
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`` we used to train for crew on the potomac in high school , but we were a lot closer in to the city . | [
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we 'd pass georgetown , the kennedy center ... you 'd be amazed at the wildlife you can see out here , though , '' he tells me as he steers us upriver and into the current . | [
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`` i feel so far away from everything , '' i observe as the sounds of traffic are quickly covered up by the trees rising on either side of us . | [
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`` this land used to belong to a native american tribe called the- '' `` piscataway , '' i finish reflexively . | [
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`` damn , i keep forgetting my stepsister is a nerd , '' he says , and i can hear from his voice that he 's grinning . | [
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`` i wo n't even try to impress you with my passion for local history , then . '' | [
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`` no , come on , impress me , '' i tease him . | [
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`` i ca n't hold a candle , '' he feigns defeat . | [
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`` you get better grades than me . '' | [
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`` yeah , well , put me on two varsity teams and i think those grades might dip a little . | [
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i do n't know how you do it . | [
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my friends allison and miriam tell me i spend too much time at the library-i barely have enough time for them . | [
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not to mention , i 'm not athletically gifted at all , '' i add , nodding to my ineffectual rowing . | [
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`` so you 've got me there . '' | [
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`` i met allison on the 4th , right ? '' | [
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`` right . '' | [
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`` but miriam ? '' | [
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`` she 's back home in memphis for the summer . | [
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she 's my other good friend ; she and allison room together . '' | [
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`` why do n't you live with them ? '' | [
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he asks , and i pause to listen to his oars dropping quietly into the water . | [
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`` mm , i thought about it , but i like living alone . | [
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my mom can be ... '' `` what ? '' | [
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he prods me . | [
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`` i 'm trying to think of a more flattering word for needy . '' | [
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`` you can say needy if you want . | [
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i wo n't tell . '' | [
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`` ok , she 's really fucking needy , '' i reply , feeling like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders . | [
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i hardly ever talk about the more negative aspects of my relationship with my mom . | [
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`` honestly , a lot less so since she 's met pierce , though . | [
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sometimes i just feel like i'm- '' `` her mom , '' he finishes for me . | [
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] |
i turn to face him , raising my eyebrows . | [
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1045,
2735,
2000,
2227,
2032,
1010,
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2026,
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] | [
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] |
`` is it obvious ? '' | [
101,
1036,
1036,
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2009,
5793,
1029,
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102
] | [
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] |
i ask worriedly . | [
101,
1045,
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2135,
1012,
102
] | [
0,
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0,
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] |
`` i do n't mean to sound resentful . '' | [
101,
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`` you 're allowed to feel however you want about her , '' he responds with a kind smile , and i turn back around . | [
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] |
`` at first i thought you were fragile , '' he says after a moment . | [
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`` like if i dropped you , you 'd break . | [
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i think that 's why ... that 's why i wanted to test you a little . '' | [
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`` you mean when you felt me up at dinner with our parents sitting across from us ? '' | [
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he laughs . | [
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`` i ca n't believe i did that , and i do n't think i 've ever apologized . '' | [
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`` no , you did n't , jerk . '' | [
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`` i am sorry . '' | [
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`` so , you do n't think i 'm fragile now ? '' | [
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`` no . | [
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i think you 're one of the toughest people i 've ever met . | [
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look ! '' | [
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he says suddenly . | [
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i glance back toward him and follow where 's he 's pointing . | [
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`` a great blue heron , '' he explains as i spot the huge bird with its wings spread , perched on a rock in the middle of the river . | [
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`` that 's how they dry their feathers after they dive for fish . '' | [
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he stops rowing for a while as we watch it . | [
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suddenly it pulls its wings in , gathers itself like a coil , and launches into the air . | [
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we watch it fly into the distant treetops before we begin paddling up the river again . | [
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`` why are you interested in history ? '' | [
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i ask him . | [
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`` i like understanding why people behave the way they do , '' he explains quietly . | [
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i resist the urge to ask how this relates to his own history , trying to respect the boundaries he 's put up . | [
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] |
`` how 's greg ? '' | [
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] | [
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he asks suddenly . | [
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] | [
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] | [
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i turn around and narrow my eyes at him . | [
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`` what ? | [
101,
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102
] | [
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] | [
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] |
that 's a friendly question , '' he says with a devilish grin . | [
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`` i ... i do n't want to talk about it , '' i reply , a little more huffily than i intend to . | [
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`` ok ... so that either means really good or really bad . '' | [
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`` it 's not really bad , '' i protest . | [
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`` uh-oh . '' | [
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1012,
1005,
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] | [
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i sigh . | [
101,
1045,
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1012,
102
] | [
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] | [
1,
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] |
`` it 's just , there 's no ... you know ... '' `` spark ? '' | [
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`` exactly . | [
101,
1036,
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3599,
1012,
102
] | [
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0,
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0
] | [
1,
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] |
i have to tell him soon-i do n't want him to get hurt . | [
101,
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not that i think i 'm breaking his heart or anything- '' `` i saw the way he looks at you . '' | [
101,
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`` meaning ? '' | [
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`` he 's falling fast . | [
101,
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1036,
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4634,
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i 'd tell him before he falls any further . '' | [
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`` i think you 're exaggerating . '' | [
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`` trust me . '' | [
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we fall back into a comfortable silence as i think about his words . | [
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the stillness of the river , broken only by a soft wind blowing through the trees , helps to ease my anxiety over the conversation i need to have with greg . | [
101,
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] |
the concept of `` problems '' seems to fade out here , though perhaps it 's the unrelenting heat , which feels like it 's beginning to melt my body into the seat of the kayak . | [
101,
1996,
4145,
1997,
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