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my whole body is screaming to feel him drive into me , demolish and rebuild me with the force of his need . | [
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i reach up and take his face in my hands . | [
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`` i 'm all yours , '' i whisper , my gaze steady on his face . | [
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`` take me . '' | [
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something blazes behind his eyes as he brings his mouth to mine . | [
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he bucks his hips , pressing himself into me . | [
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a moan fills my throat as he parts my silky flesh with his staggering length . | [
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i can feel him diving into the very core of me . | [
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at last , he 's all the way in , and i can scarcely believe that he fits at all . | [
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but he does . | [
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and it feels fucking fantastic . | [
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our bodies move together , limbs tangled , chests heaving . | [
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he drives into me as i pull him in further , each of us trying to feel as much of the other as possible . | [
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a low , thudding bliss is building inside of me once more , and i can feel him growing to fill me-he 's right on the edge . | [
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he thrusts hard and deep , his face screwed up in a mask of ecstatic wonder . | [
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i grab hold of his perfect , firm ass , pulling him in as far as i can as i tell him , `` let go . '' | [
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both of our voices swell into a huge groan as he pummels into me once more and comes , hard . | [
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i clutch onto him as i feel him spasm and gush inside of me , gaze up at him as his mouth falls open into a perfect `` o '' . | [
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it feels like a year goes by before we even begin to come back down to earth again . | [
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emerson lowers himself down next to me on the bed , pulling me to his chest . | [
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i rest my cheek on his hot skin , listening to the wild beating of his heart . | [
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i ca n't formulate a single word to tell him what this has meant to me , that it was so much better than i ever could have hoped , and that i do n't know how i 'll stand to never have him again . | [
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but the thing is , i do n't need to tell him . | [
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just laying here beside me , it 's clear that he already knows . | [
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chapter nine i arrange my blonde hair into a hasty up-do , trying to keep from crying . | [
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i 've been on the verge of tears since about five minutes after i woke up this morning-when i remembered what today is . | [
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our parents ' wedding day . | [
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the day that emerson and i become step siblings . | [
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i 've changed into my maid of honor dress , a lavender sheath , and tried my best to apply fancy makeup . | [
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we have to head right to the church this morning , just like we promised , and we 're already getting kind of a late start . | [
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i lock eyes with myself in the mirror , see the tears shining there . | [
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`` stop it , '' i whisper , `` you ca n't cry now . | [
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you always knew this was coming . '' | [
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but even though emerson and i had our one night together knowing full well that it would be our last , it does n't make it hurt any less . | [
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stepping out into the hotel bedroom , i feel my heart clench painfully as emerson turns to face me across the space . | [
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he 's wearing a simple gray suit , but it might as well be a tux for how good it looks on him . | [
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his hair is pushed away from his face , though the signature stubble i love so much is still in place . | [
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his blue eyes are shining with remorse for what 's about to happen and elation at what passed between us last night . | [
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`` you look beautiful , '' he says , his voice ragged with conflicting emotion . | [
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`` thank you , '' i say softly , `` you look amazing , too . '' | [
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`` here , '' he says , moving to the motel mini-fridge . | [
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he opens it up and takes out a corsage in its little container . | [
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it 's a small sprig of lilac tied with an ivory ribbon . | [
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`` what is this , prom ? '' | [
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i laugh tearfully , as emerson eases the band of the corsage up over my wrist . | [
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`` just as miserable as prom , probably , '' he grins wistfully , lacing my fingers through his . | [
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`` well , do n't go overboard , '' i joke , stepping toward him . | [
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without preamble , he pulls me into a tight embrace , pressing his lips ardently to mine . | [
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i take his face in my hands , kissing him hard . | [
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we both know that this is the last kiss we 'll ever share . | [
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it 's closed-lipped , almost sacred . | [
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and i 'll never forget it . | [
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`` i do n't know how just yet , '' emerson murmurs , running his hands down my arms , `` but it 's going to be ok , abby . | [
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we 're gon na make it through this . '' | [
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`` i 'll have to take your word for it , '' i say , shaking my head , `` because right now , i ca n't see how i 'm ever going to feel alright again . '' | [
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`` at least we 'll still be in each others ' lives , '' emerson says , searching for a silver lining . | [
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`` even if it wo n't be ... how we 'd prefer . '' | [
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`` i hope you know that i 'll never stop wondering what might have happened between us , '' i whisper , `` you know . | [
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if only ... '' `` i know , '' he says softly , kissing me on the forehead , `` me too , abby . '' | [
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knowing that we wo n't be able to utter another word without breaking into tears , we silently gather our things . | [
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we stand in the threshold together , looking back at the motel room . | [
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i 'm not sure that i 'll ever be as happy again as i have been here . | [
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as emerson closes the door behind us , it feels like something is being entombed here-some part of me that is lost forever . | [
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i sink into the passenger seat of the chevy and stare out the window as we set off on the long drive back to our home town . | [
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hopefully , by the time we get there , i 'll find it in my heart to fake a smile or two for my father 's wedding day . | [
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things are already well underway at our home by the time we pull up . | [
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my dad is waiting on the front steps , looking tense . | [
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i recognize my grandparents ' car , and another that must belong to the justice of the peace , in the driveway . | [
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`` there you two are ! '' | [
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my dad cries , beckoning us forward . | [
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`` come in , come in . | [
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frank and gillian are waiting to see you . '' | [
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that 's why he looks tense . | [
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he and my grandparents are already sure to be butting heads . | [
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i give dad a quick kiss on the cheek as i pass . | [
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`` you look nice , daddy , '' i tell him , trying to be chipper . | [
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`` you too , sweetie , '' he replies distractedly . | [
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a pang of sadness twists my core at our clipped address . | [
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he 's taking so much away from me today , more than he could ever know , and for what ? | [
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a shadow of the relationship we used to have ? | [
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i force myself not to think of it as i hurry toward the kitchen with emerson in tow . | [
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stepping inside , i spot my grandparents huddled over the counter . | [
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they 're dressed to the nines-grandpa frank in an italian wool suit , grandma jillian in her favorite fur stole . | [
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they 've always looked to me like first class passengers on some old-timey luxury cruise line . | [
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the only things unappealing about their appearances today are the twin scowls they try to cover up as i approach . | [
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`` abigail , '' grandma jillian smiles , air-kissing both of my cheeks . | [
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a soft wash of her signature chanel perfume brings back a million memories of tense family gatherings and etiquette lessons . | [
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i love my grandparents , but there 's definitely a lot of pressure that goes along with trying to meet their expectations . | [
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`` you look gorgeous , dear , '' grandpa frank says , giving me a swift kiss on the hand . | [
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they 're a beautiful couple , and look much younger than they actually are . | [
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grandma 's perfect crown of platinum blonde curls , grandpa 's swoosh of silver hair , and their bright white smiles make them look like an advertisement for the swankiest retirement community around . | [
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`` grandpa , grandma , this is emerson-deb 's son , '' i say , glancing emerson 's way . | [
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he 's got both hands shoved into his pockets , and his mouth is a hard , solemn line . | [
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`` ah , '' grandpa says , without warmth . | [
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`` well . | [
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hello , emerson . '' | [
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`` hey , '' emerson nods . | [
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`` i 'm jillian . | [
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it 's nice to meet you , '' grandma says , offering her hand for emerson to kiss . | [
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i watch , trying not to laugh , as he takes her hand and gives it a good solid shake instead . | [
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