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`` and here 's the man of the hour himself , '' grandpa says , looking up as dad walks into the kitchen with the justice of the peace-a balding man with a cheerful red face . | [
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`` are we starting soon ? '' | [
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grandma asks , `` the girls are playing bridge at three and i 'd really prefer not to be late . '' | [
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`` we 'll start as soon as deb is ready , '' dad replies curtly . | [
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`` i 'm sure she 's just putting the finishing touches on- '' `` i 'm all set ! '' | [
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deb sings out from the stairs . | [
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we all turn to watch her grand entrance as she clatters down the last few steps and struts her stuff our way . | [
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i can practically hear my grandparents ' jaws crack against the tile floor as deb meets us in the kitchen . | [
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her rhinestone-encrusted heels must be five inches high , and fully visible beneath the micro minidress that 's serving as her wedding gown . | [
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a huge , flowing bustle trails along behind her , and her already voluminous blonde curls are stacked a mile high in a hairdo that would make the most seasoned pageant girl raise an eyebrow . | [
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her makeup looks painted on , most especially her hot pink lipstick . | [
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she looks positively ecstatic ... but not exactly the picture of the blushing bride we all had in mind-especially my grandparents . | [
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`` i ca n't believe our wedding day is finally here ! '' | [
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she squeals , leaping into my dad 's arms . | [
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she kisses every inch of his face , leaving little smudges of pink all over . | [
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i 'm a little concerned that my grandparents have literally turned to stone beside me . | [
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dad manages to pry deb off of him long enough to turn her frank and jillian 's way . | [
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`` deb , '' my dad says through a forced smile , `` these are my parents . '' | [
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`` oh . | [
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my . | [
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god , '' deb breathes , splaying her hands out over her heart . | [
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`` you are just about the fanciest people i 've ever seen in my entire life . '' | [
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`` yes . | [
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well , '' grandma says , unable to form any additional words . | [
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`` that is ... some dress you 've got there , '' grandpa attempts . | [
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`` dad , '' my own father hisses warningly . | [
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`` oh , you like it ? '' | [
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deb chirps , giving us all a little spin . | [
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`` i got in at forty percent off . | [
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still a rip off , if you ask me , but heck-it 's a special occasion , right ? | [
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and it 's not like bob here is hurting for money . '' | [
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my grandparents ' eyebrows shoot up , disappearing into their hair lines . | [
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deb falters , looking back and forth between them . | [
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`` i 'm sorry . | [
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was that tacky ? '' | [
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`` ah , so you are familiar with the word , then , '' grandma says coolly . | [
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i glance at emerson , embarrassed by my grandparents ' icy behavior . | [
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but his face is totally unreadable-i have no idea if he 's even listening . | [
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deb , not knowing what to do with my grandparents ' disdain , turns to emerson and me with a tight grin . | [
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`` now you two look so darling , '' she sighs tearfully . | [
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`` our big happy family , at last . '' | [
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i catch grandpa rolling his eyes as the justice of the peace claps his hands . | [
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`` so ! '' | [
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the jolly official says , `` shall we head to the backyard for the ceremony ? '' | [
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deb grabs hold of my dad 's hand and yanks him out the back door . | [
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they 've set up a flimsy white altar in front of the pool , which is filled with floating flower blossoms . | [
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emerson walks out ahead of me , keeping his eyes straight ahead , and my grandparents bring up the rear . | [
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deb 's heels sink into the grass as she teeters toward the altar on my dad 's arm . | [
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emerson stands beside her , and i take my place next to dad . | [
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the justice of the peace stands between them , and my grandparents move front and center , all but wrinkling their noses . | [
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the wedding of the century , indeed . | [
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i ca n't make myself focus as the justice of the peace starts rattling through the motions . | [
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emerson and i stand facing each other , looking over our parents ' shoulders . | [
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i 've never seen him look so miserable . | [
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more than being upset for my own heartbreak , i hate our parents in this moment for causing emerson so much pain . | [
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he 's been through so much already , and now this fiasco ? | [
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it 's more than anyone should have to bear . | [
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`` ok then , '' the justice of the peace goes on . | [
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`` if we could have the rings ... '' emerson thrusts them into my dad 's hand . | [
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our parents slip the gaudy trinkets onto each other 's hands , grinning like two teenagers . | [
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the words of their vows and even their `` i do 's '' fade into white noise as emerson finally lifts his eyes to mine . | [
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we stare at each other , laid bare in this anguished moment . | [
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our gazes say what we never got a chance to : `` i care about you more than anything in this world . | [
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i 'm so sorry you 're in pain . '' | [
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and as our parents share their first kiss as man and wife , i try my best to tell emerson one more thing with my silent , pleading eyes : `` i love you . '' | [
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and as i look on , my heart breaking , i could swear his blue eyes tell me , `` i love you too . '' | [
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chapter ten by midnight the house is all but silent once more . | [
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leftover food and cake clutters every surface of the kitchen , crushed petals stain the floors , and the plastic flowers on the rickety altar out back have started dropping off , one by one . | [
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dad and deb have flown the coop , off on the first leg of their honeymoon in new york city . | [
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grandma and grandpa beat a quick retreat after a bite of cake and three brandies each . | [
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the house , my home , feels like a crypt now . | [
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but i suppose that 's appropriate-i 'm certainly in mourning . | [
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emerson and i , still dressed up in our wedding day best , sit side-by-side at the kitchen island . | [
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there 's an open bottle of vodka and a gigantic round of wedding cake sitting between us , and we 're helping ourselves to an abundance of both . | [
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neither of us can think of anything productive to say , but are loathe to be alone tonight . | [
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we sit there in silence , being careful not to brush elbows or even look at each other for too long . | [
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as of this afternoon , when the ink dried on our parents ' marriage license , our relationship can only be strictly platonic . | [
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i have n't been this miserable since my mom passed away . | [
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this feeling of running up against devastating injustice is something i 'm all too familiar with by now . | [
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without a word , emerson refills our glasses of straight vodka . | [
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he snatches up his glass and downs his booze in one swallow . | [
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tearing off his necktie , he staggers to his feet . | [
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i stare at him as he turns to leave . | [
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`` where are you going ? '' | [
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i murmur , the room spinning as i stand up after him . | [
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`` bed , '' he growls , not looking at me . | [
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`` that 's it ? '' | [
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i ask around the sudden lump in my throat , `` it 's just gon na be one word answers from now on ? '' | [
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`` what did you expect ? '' | [
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he replies , keeping his back to me . | [
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`` i expected you to ... to be ... '' `` your friend ? '' | [
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he scoffs , shoving a hand through his hair . | [
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`` that was never going to happen , abby . | [
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you know that as well as i do . '' | [
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`` we have to at least try , '' i say softly , reaching out to touch him . | [
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at the slightest brush of my fingers , he rips his arm away from me , spinning around with fire in his eyes . | [
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`` i ca n't do that , '' he rages . | [
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`` no fucking way can i just be your friend . '' | [
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`` do n't yell at me , '' i say , steadying myself against the counter . | [
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`` you 're drunk . | [
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