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e The same boost you used to get from pulling others down you can double it by being |
successful at building rapport or making a new friend |
e Your nervous system supports a mode of operation in which all movements are fluid |
and unwavering as in tai chi |
e Social submission interferes with fluid movement Your gesticulations at a party should |
be as smooth and effortless as your motions in tai chi |
e Camaraderie gratefulness and a mindset that is not attached to status and not |
dependent on the regard of others will help us transcend serotonin blows |
e It shouldnt feel socially awkward to have dominant body language |
e Get your confidence boosts by competing with yourself and aiming to beat your |
personal bests |
e Master the belief that no matter what you will be just fine |
PROGRAM PEACE Self Care Exercises to Reprogram Your Mind and Body |
Chapter Endnotes |
Raleigh M J Brammer G L Yuwiler A Flannery J W McGuire M T Geller E |
Serotonergic influences on the social behavior of vervet monkeys Experimental |
Neurology |
van Vugt M Tybur J M The evolutionary foundations of status hierarchy In D |
M Buss Ed The handbook of evolutionary psychology nd ed John Wiley Sons |
Cheng J T Tracy J L Henrich J Pride personality and the evolutionary |
foundations of human social status Evolution and Human Behavior |
Hill P Allemand M Roberts B Examining the pathways between gratitude and |
selfrated physical health across adulthood Personality and Individual Differences |
Lambert N Fincham F Stillman T Gratitude and depressive symptoms The |
role of positive reframing and positive emotion Cognition Emotion |
Emmons R A Gratitude In S J Lopez A Beauchamp Eds Encyclopedia of |
positive psychology pp Oxford University Press |
Emmons R A McCullough M E Counting blessings versus burdens An |
experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective wellbeing in daily life Journal of |
Personality and Social Psychology |
Hanson R Hardwiring happiness The new brain science of contentment calm |
and confidence Random House |
LeDoux J The emotional brain fear and the amygdala Cellular and Molecular |
Neurobiology |
Gothard K M Hoffman K L Circuits of emotion in the primate brain In M L |
Platt A A Ghazanfar Eds Primate neuroethology pp Oxford University Press |
Hermann H R Dominance and aggression in humans and other animals The great |
game of life Academic Press |
Carney D R Hall J A A LeBeau L S Beliefs about the nonverbal expression of |
social power Journal of Nonverbal Behavior |
Shariff A F Tracy J L Knowing whos boss Implicit perceptions of status from |
the nonverbal expression of pride Emotion |
Chapter Serotonin Optimism and Cooperation |
Tracy J L Matsumoto D The spontaneous expression of pride and shame |
Evidence for biologically innate nonverbal displays Proceedings of the National Academy of |
Sciences |
PROGRAM PEACE Self Care Exercises to Reprogram Your Mind and Body |
Chapter Rise Above Status Conflict |
You do not need to defend against the intrusions of others there is no pressure on you to defend yourself |
Recognize that they intrude upon themselves Eckhart Tolle |
We Act in Uncivil Ways to Increase Our Serotonin |
Humans like other primates are constantly testing one another in an oftenunconscious |
attempt to either raise their serotonin levels or reduce someone elses We are driven to do it |
because putting others down can give us a little neurochemical boost The tendency is |
instinctual but it can become addictive and sadistic It is not psychologically healthy to belittle |
our friends family members and coworkers for little hits of pleasure Neither is it healthy to fail |
to recognize when others do this to us think of this as the struggle for serotonin and it is |
going on in schools homes and workplaces everywhere |
Workplace disharmony has been documented by recent research to be a substantial |
economic cost for American business that is largely preventable but rarely addressed One in |
five people claim to be the targets of occupational abuse at least once a week and ten percent |
said they witness it every day Mistreatment does not rouse workers into better focus it |
actually impedes their performance People that have been treated cruelly or thoughtlessly |
show decreased ability to perform simple tasks distracted attention impaired working |
memory diminished creativity and reduced helping behaviors Inhumane behavior is virulent |
and negatively affects all involved the targets the offenders the firm and its customers After |
reading about what incivility does in a workplace imagine what it does to a circle of friends or |
a family Lets talk about how to stop it |
We Provoke Each Other Constantly |
As a solid rock is not shaken by the wind even so the wise are not ruffled by praise or blame |
Buddha BCE BCE |
When was young my mother taught me the expression out to get your goat This helped me |
understand from a young age that it is common for people to say or do things just to get a |
rise out of you or try to make you lose your cool It is ubiquitous People try to activate the |
other persons amygdala sympathetic system and inferiority instincts to control them |
however temporarily A large proportion of our social interactions revolve around testing each |
others composure with jokes slights and provocations When my mom told me Dont let him |
get your goat she was underscoring my responsibility to safeguard my temper and ignore |
peoples attempts to fluster me |
Etymologists believe that the expression comes from the oncecommon practice of keeping |
goats with racehorses Racehorses are highstrung animals due in part to the unnatural levels |
of strain placed on their muscles Goats were often used as companion animals to help keep |
racehorses calm They were also commonly placed with dairy cows for the same reason Goats |
naturally have an exceptionally low outward expression of stress They are not the most |
beautiful animals neither are they the smartest nor largest but they are great at keeping their |
cool think this should be a lesson for us we dont have to be the biggest or best to be the |
PROGRAM PEACE Self Care Exercises to Reprogram Your Mind and Body |
calmest We may be far from being the dominant individual in a group but we can still be so |
well composed that it inspires everyone else |
There are many physical traits in animals that exist to convey social dominance These |
include plumage coloration in Harris sparrows horn size in mountain sheep graying in the |
mountain gorilla and square jaws in humans It is common to assume that flashy traits |
imposition musculature and physical strength make a person dominant But it is really |
emotional strength that makes people dominant Emotional stability keeps people from |
getting your goat It is the only status symbol that is universally albeit unconsciously |
recognized as more important than physical size looks reputation or money Often people |
with great physical strength are accorded respect This in turn helps them build confidence |
and emotional strength However the physically weakest person can certainly have the most |
control over their emotions think of emotional strength as the ability to exhibit sturdiness in |
the face of negativity |
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