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e The same boost you used to get from pulling others down you can double it by being
successful at building rapport or making a new friend
e Your nervous system supports a mode of operation in which all movements are fluid
and unwavering as in tai chi
e Social submission interferes with fluid movement Your gesticulations at a party should
be as smooth and effortless as your motions in tai chi
e Camaraderie gratefulness and a mindset that is not attached to status and not
dependent on the regard of others will help us transcend serotonin blows
e It shouldnt feel socially awkward to have dominant body language
e Get your confidence boosts by competing with yourself and aiming to beat your
personal bests
e Master the belief that no matter what you will be just fine
PROGRAM PEACE Self Care Exercises to Reprogram Your Mind and Body
Chapter Endnotes
Raleigh M J Brammer G L Yuwiler A Flannery J W McGuire M T Geller E
Serotonergic influences on the social behavior of vervet monkeys Experimental
Neurology
van Vugt M Tybur J M The evolutionary foundations of status hierarchy In D
M Buss Ed The handbook of evolutionary psychology nd ed John Wiley Sons
Cheng J T Tracy J L Henrich J Pride personality and the evolutionary
foundations of human social status Evolution and Human Behavior
Hill P Allemand M Roberts B Examining the pathways between gratitude and
selfrated physical health across adulthood Personality and Individual Differences
Lambert N Fincham F Stillman T Gratitude and depressive symptoms The
role of positive reframing and positive emotion Cognition Emotion
Emmons R A Gratitude In S J Lopez A Beauchamp Eds Encyclopedia of
positive psychology pp Oxford University Press
Emmons R A McCullough M E Counting blessings versus burdens An
experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective wellbeing in daily life Journal of
Personality and Social Psychology
Hanson R Hardwiring happiness The new brain science of contentment calm
and confidence Random House
LeDoux J The emotional brain fear and the amygdala Cellular and Molecular
Neurobiology
Gothard K M Hoffman K L Circuits of emotion in the primate brain In M L
Platt A A Ghazanfar Eds Primate neuroethology pp Oxford University Press
Hermann H R Dominance and aggression in humans and other animals The great
game of life Academic Press
Carney D R Hall J A A LeBeau L S Beliefs about the nonverbal expression of
social power Journal of Nonverbal Behavior
Shariff A F Tracy J L Knowing whos boss Implicit perceptions of status from
the nonverbal expression of pride Emotion
Chapter Serotonin Optimism and Cooperation
Tracy J L Matsumoto D The spontaneous expression of pride and shame
Evidence for biologically innate nonverbal displays Proceedings of the National Academy of
Sciences
PROGRAM PEACE Self Care Exercises to Reprogram Your Mind and Body
Chapter Rise Above Status Conflict
You do not need to defend against the intrusions of others there is no pressure on you to defend yourself
Recognize that they intrude upon themselves Eckhart Tolle
We Act in Uncivil Ways to Increase Our Serotonin
Humans like other primates are constantly testing one another in an oftenunconscious
attempt to either raise their serotonin levels or reduce someone elses We are driven to do it
because putting others down can give us a little neurochemical boost The tendency is
instinctual but it can become addictive and sadistic It is not psychologically healthy to belittle
our friends family members and coworkers for little hits of pleasure Neither is it healthy to fail
to recognize when others do this to us think of this as the struggle for serotonin and it is
going on in schools homes and workplaces everywhere
Workplace disharmony has been documented by recent research to be a substantial
economic cost for American business that is largely preventable but rarely addressed One in
five people claim to be the targets of occupational abuse at least once a week and ten percent
said they witness it every day Mistreatment does not rouse workers into better focus it
actually impedes their performance People that have been treated cruelly or thoughtlessly
show decreased ability to perform simple tasks distracted attention impaired working
memory diminished creativity and reduced helping behaviors Inhumane behavior is virulent
and negatively affects all involved the targets the offenders the firm and its customers After
reading about what incivility does in a workplace imagine what it does to a circle of friends or
a family Lets talk about how to stop it
We Provoke Each Other Constantly
As a solid rock is not shaken by the wind even so the wise are not ruffled by praise or blame
Buddha BCE BCE
When was young my mother taught me the expression out to get your goat This helped me
understand from a young age that it is common for people to say or do things just to get a
rise out of you or try to make you lose your cool It is ubiquitous People try to activate the
other persons amygdala sympathetic system and inferiority instincts to control them
however temporarily A large proportion of our social interactions revolve around testing each
others composure with jokes slights and provocations When my mom told me Dont let him
get your goat she was underscoring my responsibility to safeguard my temper and ignore
peoples attempts to fluster me
Etymologists believe that the expression comes from the oncecommon practice of keeping
goats with racehorses Racehorses are highstrung animals due in part to the unnatural levels
of strain placed on their muscles Goats were often used as companion animals to help keep
racehorses calm They were also commonly placed with dairy cows for the same reason Goats
naturally have an exceptionally low outward expression of stress They are not the most
beautiful animals neither are they the smartest nor largest but they are great at keeping their
cool think this should be a lesson for us we dont have to be the biggest or best to be the
PROGRAM PEACE Self Care Exercises to Reprogram Your Mind and Body
calmest We may be far from being the dominant individual in a group but we can still be so
well composed that it inspires everyone else
There are many physical traits in animals that exist to convey social dominance These
include plumage coloration in Harris sparrows horn size in mountain sheep graying in the
mountain gorilla and square jaws in humans It is common to assume that flashy traits
imposition musculature and physical strength make a person dominant But it is really
emotional strength that makes people dominant Emotional stability keeps people from
getting your goat It is the only status symbol that is universally albeit unconsciously
recognized as more important than physical size looks reputation or money Often people
with great physical strength are accorded respect This in turn helps them build confidence
and emotional strength However the physically weakest person can certainly have the most
control over their emotions think of emotional strength as the ability to exhibit sturdiness in
the face of negativity