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Most of us have grown up afraid of giving someone else the evil eye so we have stricken |
this contraction from our repertoire and left a glaring omission in our ability to emote using |
our eyes The glare is a temporary and intense contraction of the squinting muscles Glaring is |
Chapter Hold a Steady Upward Gaze with Wide Eyes |
considered dominant because you generally must be authoritative to get away with it Lets |
not use it to threaten people Use it very briefly to demonstrate concentration conviction or |
valor You might choose to do this exercise as well as the previous exercise in front of a mirror |
so that you can combine them with eye contact while monitoring your face |
Eye Exercise Relaxed Glaring |
Spend five minutes glaring as hard as you can while engaging in paced breathing Squint your |
eyes tightly so that the opening is tiny and you can barely see through your eyelashes Hold |
this contraction and try to keep it from wavering or trembling As you do so you might |
pretend that you are confidently leading a large group of people through a snowstorm or a |
sandstorm Holding a firm contraction in the part of the orbicularis oculi that contracts the |
eyelids will help you develop its strength and coordination Take a second break every few |
dozen seconds so that you dont push the muscles into persistent contraction |
When was in junior high school my Dad asked me Jared why do you always look timid |
and afraid in your yearbook pictures Try not to make that face anymore tiger At the time |
had no idea what he was talking about do now constantly raised my eyebrows and |
squinted but never frowned or glared so that would appear friendly Used briefly eyebrow |
raising can communicate curiosity and engagement but overused it without giving the |
muscles any rest It appeared affable in the short run but caused my face to become very tense |
and age rapidly in the long run Use a brief eyebrow raise as an olive branch but do not use |
extended eyebrow raises that go on for more than just a few seconds Those are white flags |
Look Upward |
The stress that overtook me at age caused me to lose the hair on my head rapidly Ashamed |
of my bald spots between the ages of and wore a hat seven days a week For years |
the brim of a baseball hat blocked the sky from my view training me not to cast my eyes |
upward My whole behavioral repertoire involved looking down Then when turned |
shaved my head and stopped wearing hats Suddenly became aware that had developed |
a behavioral blind spot for the entire space above me That revelation galvanized me to train |
myself to look up |
We have all learned to habitually cast our gaze downward We often do this to avoid eye |
contact all the while signaling submission disinterest or fear The vast majority of us do this |
customarily even when alone Most peoples nervous systems are so conditioned to looking |
down that they do it even when they dream How dismal |
Most of us have grown up in an environment that discourages us from looking up in the |
presence of others Other peoples reactions to our upward gaze have communicated to our |
unconscious brain systems that we should avoid looking up for fear of reprimand or reprisal |
The subject matter that makes a person glance at the floor is very telling and provides a |
window into their insecurities More than this looking down is neurologically tied to depression |
and anxiety through numerous brain pathways It is another habit that stifles our soul on a |
neurological level |
PROGRAM PEACE Self Care Exercises to Reprogram Your Mind and Body |
To overcome this we can do two things train our nervous system to look upward |
through practice and build the ocular muscles responsible for lifting the eyes The exercise |
below is a great way to determine whether the muscles responsible for looking up superior |
rectus have atrophied from disuse |
Eye Exercise Strengthening the Muscles that Allow You to Look Up |
Close your eyes and use your index fingers to press your upper eyelids and eyelashes down |
pinning them against the top of your cheeks Refrain from squinting Next look straight up |
for several seconds Then look up and to the left then up and to the right Keep at it for to |
seconds It will likely burn and feel uncomfortable in the muscles around your eyes If it |
does then you know they have atrophied and can be strengthened by repeating this |
exercise Simply repeating the exercise on five different days should vastly reduce any |
burning and help tone these muscles |
used to look at the floor unconditionally when speaking would look at the ground |
around my feet during most conversations Somehow didnt understand that this was a |
primary reason couldnt keep a conversation going Try to stop looking down when you talk to |
people People who are more severely affected can start looking at waist height then shoulder |
height and so on Work toward being able to keep your gaze up around the height of your |
head Once that starts to feel comfortable work on looking up during conversations above the |
shared eye line |
It is generally discourteous to look directly above another persons head so look off to one |
side As you look up during the conversation you might be concerned that the other person will |
become puzzled or suspicious of this If you are not accustomed to looking up are not used to |
breathing deeply when doing it or if your ocular muscles are weak the other person will likely be |
able to tell that it is unnatural for you Again the only way for it to look natural is for you to practice |
People look up for many different reasons With the head facing down it can be coy and |
suggestive With the head neutral or facing up it can communicate boredom Looking up when |
someone walks into a room can be interpreted as a sign of disdain or disregard This is why |
people roll their eyes Eye rolling is a nonverbal statement of superiority exclaiming That is |
beneath me You dont want to adopt an upward gaze with these as your motives Some |
people look up when they are thinking Others do it to recall something from memory Use |
these as motives Pretend that you are using the ceiling or sky as a canvas for your imagination |
to paint pictures of the topic of conversation Looking up appears natural to others when you |
use the upper visual field to imagine things in the minds eye Encourage others to do it |
with you |
Eye Exercise Looking Up While Talking |
Simulate a conversation or have an actual phone conversation while looking upward As you |
listen and speak make certain your gaze does not drop below your eye line Keep your eyes |
wide and your eyebrows relaxed Become aware of your tendency to look down Instead |
Chapter Hold a Steady Upward Gaze with Wide Eyes |
alternate between looking at things around the same level as your eyes and things that are |
higher than them |
There will be ample opportunities to practice during daily life When you are standing at |
the register ordering fast food look up at the menu on the wall calmly with wide eyes even if |
the cashier is looking directly at you Feel comfortable doing this while in line before you order |
or even after As you pass a stranger on the street feel comfortable looking up While you do |
so keep your head up too Gaze at the buildings signs telephone wires and clouds If you |
need to remind yourself that looking up is your right Your eyes are yours to use as you wish |
As an added benefit looking up naturally widens your eyes by engaging the levator palpebrae |
superioris muscles |
Eye Activity Take a Walk with Wide Eyes and an Upward Gaze |
Take a walk around your block with your eyes all the way open Try to look at the ground as |
little as possible Then walk around the block again this time without looking below the |
horizon Do it a third time now without looking below your eye line It may help to focus |
your gaze on roofs streetlights or treetops Finally try walking around the block with your |
nose high in the airthat will compete with and override your tendency to point it at the |
floor Notice how all of this feels especially in your face neck and shoulders See whether |
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