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“Thank you. You’re of one mind?” There was a cheer. “Then I won’t make a speech,” said Vimes. “There isn’t time. I’ll just say this. If we don’t win this, if we don’t see them off…well, we’ve got to. Otherwise it’ll be…very bad for this city. Very bad. ” “That’s right,” Dickins cut in insistently. “There was an amnesty... |
“You can take our lives but you’ll never take our freedom!” he screamed. Carcer’s men looked at one another, puzzled by what sounded like the most badly thought-out war cry in the history of the universe. Vimes could see their lips moving as they tried to work it out. Carcer raised his crossbow, gestured to his men, an... |
” Vimes looked at Sweeper. “It’s very, very hard to move things out of the time where they belong, but it takes much less effort to move them back to where they were,” Sweeper translated. Vimes carried on staring. “Everything really, really wants to be back where it should be,” Sweeper tried. “You’re right there,” said... |
He made a small mental note to promote Buggy Swires and buy him the buzzard he’d always wanted. Anyone prepared to do this every day for the good of the city couldn’t be paid too much. He hadn’t had time to put a pair of drawers on. It was cold up there, but at least it was fast. “Try my left pocket,” said Ridcully, wh... |
After a while, he was aware of a scraping noise to his left and could just make out the turf starting to sag on one of the graves. A gray hand was thrust out of the ground, clutching a shovel. A few pieces of turf were pushed aside and, with some effort, Reg Shoe rose from the grave. He was halfway out before he notice... |
Yeah, and you could say a swift stab now was the merciful solution, because every hangman knew you could go the easy way or the hard way and there wasn’t one in the country that’d let something like Carcer go the easy way. The gods knew the man deserved it… …but young Sam was watching him, across thirty years. When we ... |
Yet I remember wondering: this much? So I put it down as half a mystery and today…Sergeant…we find the other half of the mystery. It’s wonderful, isn’t it, how alike men can be? I can imagine that even your Sergeant Colon would not realize anything. After all, he saw Keel die and he watched you grow up—” “Where is this... |
nz United Kingdom HarperCollins Publishers Ltd. 77-85 Fulham Palace Road London, W6 8JB, UK http://www. uk. harpercollinsebooks. com United States HarperCollins Publishers Inc. 10 East 53rd Street New York, NY 10022 http://www. harpercollinsebooks. com * The Igor employed by the Watch as forensic specialist and medical... |
He didn’t remember… When Vimes stepped out into the damp dawn, two coaches… “This is all rather fun,” said Sybil an hour later as the… You could catch up with the dwarfs long before they’re near … What Vimes remembered most of all about that journey—… Bunty was surprised to see them so soon, but Ladies Who… Angua and S... |
“Indeed, it was a troll,” said another voice, almost the twin of that one, but with a little more assurance. The subsequent pause was underlined by the ever-present sound of the pumps. “It could only have been a troll,” said the first voice. “And is it not said that behind every crime you will find the troll?” T here w... |
It’s copper-bottomed. “Mrs. Winkings,” he said aloud, “no vampire has applied to join the Watch. They’re just not mentally suited to a copper’s way of life. And it’s Commander Vimes, thank you. ” Mrs. Winkings’s little eyes gleamed with righteous malice. “Oh, are you sayink vampires are…stupid?” she said. “No, Mrs. Win... |
“And how can we help you? It’s Commander Vimes when I’m at work, by the way. ” “I will need an office, Your Grace. And an oversight of all your paperwork. As you know, I am tasked to give his lordship a complete overview and cost/benefit analysis of the Watch, with any suggestions for improvement in every aspect of its... |
They ambled about, apparently aimlessly and completely unthreatening, and they watched and they listened to the urban equivalent of the jungle drums. And sometimes the drums came to them. Once, Fred’s sweaty little office had been the place where bare-armed ladies had mixed up great batches of Sarsaparilla and Raspberr... |
Vimes blinked at the newspaper again, this time seeking anything that dared suggest that people in Ankh-Morpork still lived in the real world— “Oh, damn!” He got up and hurried down the stairs, where Cheery practically cowered at his thundering approach. “Did we know about this?” he demanded, thumping the paper down on... |
“As a matter of fact, Nobby, there was another matter about which, per say, I wanted to speak to you about, man to—” there was only the tiniest hesitation, “—man. ” “Yes, Sarge?” “Now you know, Nobby, that I’ve always taken a pers’nal interest in your moral well-being, what with you havin’ no dad to put your feet on th... |
But when we took them down this morning, there hwas only the frame! Observe!” The Rascal occupied—or rather, had occupied—an actual frame some ten feet high and fifty feet long, which, as such, was pretty close to being a work of art in its own right. It was still there, framing nothing but uneven, dusty plaster. “I su... |
D’you know much about art, Nobby?” “If necessary, Sarge. ” “Oh, come on, Nobby!” “What? Tawneee says what she does is Art, Sarge. And she wears more clothes than a lot of the women on the walls around here, so why be sniffy about it?” “Yeah, but…” Fred Colon hesitated here. He knew in his heart that spinning upside dow... |
” “Not something you’d want over the fireplace, then,” said Fred Colon. “Precisely, Sergeant. Even if it hwere possible to have a fireplace fifty feet long. ” “Thank you, sir. One other thing, though. How many doors are there in this place?” “Three,” said Sir Reynold promptly. “But two are always locked. ” “But if the ... |
” “But you’ve still got to get it out, Nobby. ” “Remember all those dust sheets, Sarge? I bet in a few weeks’ time a couple of blokes in overalls will be able to walk out of the place with a big white roll under their arms and no one’d think twice about it, ’cos they’d, like, be thinkin’ the muriel had been pinched wee... |
Once some madman finds out that a copper taken unawares dies just like anyone else, the spell is broken. Hamcrusher’s dwarfs don’t believe in the City Watch? That could turn out to be a problem. Maybe bringing a troll along was provocative, but Detritus was a citizen, gods damn it, just like everyone else. If you— “Dud... |
He didn’t even have to see Angua’s little nod; the dwarfs had been dreading the question, and were sweating. To their shock and horror, and also somewhat to his own surprise, he sat down on the steps between them and pulled a packet of cheap cigars out of his pocket. “I won’t offer one to you lads, because I know that ... |
The little devils! Play silly buggers with me, will they? Try to wind me up, will they? Don’t tell the Watch, eh? There are no no-go areas in this city. I’ll see to it they find that out. Oh yes. There were more and more of deep-downers in the city these days, although you very seldom saw them outside the dwarf areas. ... |
But could we just, together, for a moment, proceed to my office and discuss matters?” “I’ll be fine, sir,” said Angua. “It’s probably the best way. ” Vimes tried to relax. He knew he was letting himself get steamed up. Those silent watchers in the street had got through to him, and the look he’d gotten from Helmclever ... |
“Commander, I understand that you were young and may not have realized what you were doing, but you must understand that to us you appear to be proud of being complicit in the most heinous of crimes: the destruction of words. ” “Sorry? Rubbing out ‘A is for Apple’ is a capital crime?” “One that would be unthinkable for... |
This is a mine! There are dangers!” said Ardent, catching up with them. “You still get flooding?” said Vimes. “It is to be expected! We know how to cope! Now, stay close to me!” “I’ll be more inclined to do that, sir , if I thought were taking a direct route!” said Vimes. “Otherwise I might look for shortcuts!” “We are... |
Would Carrot be given access to a crime scene that had not been interfered with in any way? Vimes grunted. Huh. What do you think, boys and girls? He pinched the bridge of his nose, and then stared at his right hand. Igor had gone on at length about “tiny invithible biting creatureth” and used some vicious ointment tha... |
All eyes were on her, all coppers were motionless as she walked slowly around the room. The reek of garlic was strong on one young constable, whose big grin was suddenly caked with nervousness at the corners. He had the look about him of the kind of fool who’d do anything for a giggle. “Excuse me, Constable, but what i... |
Vimes had instigated record keeping at the gates not because he had a huge interest in the results, but because it kept the lads on their toes. It wasn’t as if it was security duty. Ankh-Morpork was so wide open it was gaping. But the cart census was handy. It topped watchmen falling asleep at their posts, and it gave ... |
I’ll go and see what he’s got to—” His eye caught the front page of the Times , spread out on the desk. Oh hell, he thought wearily. There we are, at a time like this, with a troll officer holding a dwarf with his feet off the ground. “It’s a good picture of Detritus, sir,” said Sergeant Littlebottom nervously. “ ‘The ... |
” He hesitated, and then pulled out the Gooseberry, which was still humming to itself. “And no interruptions, understand?” “Yes, Insert Name Here! Hmm hum hmm…” Vimes pulled open the door. Dead, freezing air poured out around him. Thick frost crackled under his feet. Instantly, his breath twinkled in clouds. He hated t... |
“See, any troll gettin’ in dere, he’d be a mad troll to start wid. You know how der kids are all wound up? People bin feeding dem dat honor an’ glory an’ destiny stuff, dat coprolite rots your brain faster’n Slab, faster even dan Slide. From what I am hearin’, der dwarf got knocked off for-rensic , all slick an’ quiet.... |
He couldn’t run it, not at this time of day. “Six o’clock is… important ,” he muttered. “You didn’t tell me that!” said the imp, holding its head in its hands. “You just said no interruptions! I’m really, really sorry—” SHINE forgotten, Vimes looked around desperately at the nearby buildings. There wasn’t much use for ... |
Just in case,” Carrot shouted down. “You closed two major roads? Two whole damn roads? In the rush hour?” “Yes, sir,” said Carrot. “It was the only way. ” Vimes hung on, speechless. Would he have dared to do that? But that was Carrot all over. There was a problem, and now it’s gone. Admittedly, the whole city is probab... |
” “Everyone’s double-shifting, dear,” said Sam, daring Carrot and Sally to even think about telling anyone they’d seen the boss wearing a blue shawl covered in ducks. “I’ve got to set a good example. ” “I’m sure you intend to, Sam, but you look like a horrible warning,” said Sybil. “When did you last eat?” “I had a let... |
” Angua saw Carrot, outlined in his permanent smell of soap, feel his way across the space. His hand touched another metal door. “Where does this go, sir?” he said, tapping it. “To the outer chambers. ” “Was it open at the time the troll attacked the grag?” You really think a troll did? Angua wondered. “I believe so,” ... |
“I think a lot of things are wrong here, sir. There was something very strange about the way Ardent reacted to that skull. Why would he think the troll was still here, after all that time?” “A troll getting into a dwarf mine can do a lot of damage before it’s stopped,” said Carrot. “Ardent really wasn’t expecting that ... |
What that club hit over the head was already a corpse, and he wasn’t killed in that tunnel. ” Vimes took several slow breaths. There was so much bad stuff here you needed to take it one horror at a time. “I’m worried, Captain,” he said. “Do you know why? It’s because I’ve got a feeling that very soon I’m going to be as... |
” “Oh, good grief!” “Oh, it can be awful, sir. Believe me. But no one would ever draw the worst of the signs and want it to happen. Just the drawing wouldn’t be enough, anyway. You have to want it to happen with your very last breath. ” “And which one is that?” “Oh, you don’t want to know, sir. ” “No, I did ask,” said ... |
“She is very good, sir,” said Carrot. “She picks things up fast. ” “Yes, very fast. I can see she’s going to be useful,” said Vimes thoughtfully. “Doesn’t that strike you as odd, Captain? Up she pops, just when we need her. ” “She has been here for a couple of months, though,” said Carrot. “And the League vouches for h... |
“Actually, I didn’t mean—”said A. E. Pessimal, trying to hold both the sword and the truncheon and dropping both, and then the sword and the truncheon and the shield and dropping all three. “Any good at running a hundred yards in ten seconds? In this?” Fred went on. A ragged chain-mail coat dropped slowly off the table... |
Ha! Lengths of wood painted in black and yellow stripes and mounted on trestles were not barricades , not to anyone who’d been behind a real one, which was built of rubbish and furniture and barrels and fear and bowel-knotting defiance. No, these simple things were the physical symbol of an idea. It was a line in the s... |
A voice from the shadows said, “Here, Mister Vimes! Been here five minutes!” “Why didn’t you sing out, then?” “Couldn’t remember the password, sir! I thought I’d wait ’til I heard Igor say it!” “Oh, come on in. Did it work?” “Better’n you’d imagine, sir!” said Nobby, rain pouring down his cloak. Vimes stood back. “Okay... |
Dwarfs had been here, had fished around, and had then all left at once. They hadn’t even bothered to tidy up. She could smell it like a picture. She crept forward, the tunnels mapping themselves in her nostrils. They weren’t nicely finished, like the tunnels Ardent moved in. They were rougher, with lots of zigzags and ... |
“Do you know what that sign means?” “I know it’s mine sign, that’s all. Do you know what it means?” “No, but I know it’s one of the really bad ones. It’s not good seeing it here. What are you doing with that body?” Sally backed away further. “Trying to find out who he was,” said Angua, searching the dwarf’s clothing. “... |
” There had been too many dead ends, forgotten stinking rooms and false hopes, and altogether too much slime. After a while, the smell became almost tangible, and then it managed to become just another part of the darkness. The women wandered and scrambled from one dripping, fetid room to another, testing the muddy wal... |
Vimes drank two cups, and had a wash and at least an attempt at a shave, which made him feel quite human if he ignored the sensation that parts of his head were stuffed with warm cotton wool. At last, deciding that he felt as good as he was going to, and could probably handle quite long questions, he was ushered into t... |
” “Is there any evidence that it was a troll?” “There is…puzzling evidence, sir. We are…assembling a jigsaw, you might say. ” Except that we haven’t got any of the edges and it’d help if we had the lid of the box, he added to himself. And, because Vetinari’s face bore a hungry look, Vimes continued aloud: “If you’re ex... |
An’ anyway, if dey lookin’ for a troll what done der deed, and dey find out I was dere, lost a skull an’ everytin’ an’ I say, okay, I was dere but I never walloped no dwarf, de’ll say, ho yus, pull der other one, it is havin’ bells on. Right here, and right now, Brick was feeling a very lonely troll. Dere was nothin’ f... |
Carrot looked at Detritus and Angua, to see if there was going to be any help there. “ Could be lawyers,” he conceded. “Dey go soggy if you dips ’em in somfing,” said Brick, as if undertaking a forensic examination. “More likely to be biscuits, then?” Carrot suggested. “Could be. Inna packet wi’ all paper on. Yeah, bis... |
He didn’t start to worry until he came out into a far grander tunnel, and the words “dwarfs” finally reached a bit of his brain with nothing to do but listen. A troll in a dwarf mine goes on the rampage. It was one of those givens, like a bull in a china shop. But Brick seemed refreshingly free of hatred toward anyone.... |
Money was owing, and dwarfs got very definite about things like that. A lot of the huge body of dwarf lore was about contracts. You were supposed to get paid. No more politics, Vimes told himself. Someone killed four of our dwarfs, not some crazy rabble-rouser, and left them down there in the dark. I don’t care who the... |
It may well be that this is one reason why he hasn’t yet chosen to declare himself,” said Mr. Shine. “But no matter. Well, I am the rightful—excuse me—and indisputable king of the trolls. ” “Really?” said Vimes. It wasn’t much of a reply, but his options at this point were limited. “Yes. And when I say’indisputable,’ I... |
Gabbro is so good at playing from the dwarf viewpoint that his troll game is suffering, and he wants to go to Copperhead to learn from some of the dwarf thudmeisters there. I hope he does; they’ll teach him how to play like a troll. None of these lads here were out getting fighting drunk last night. And thus we wear do... |
No, that’s not my cow! That was a dwarf under pressure if ever I saw one; he looked as if he was dying to tell me something… Where’s my cow? That look in his eyes… Is that my cow? I was so angry. Don’t tell the Watch? What did they expect? You’d have thought he would have known… It goes HRUUUGH! He knew I’d go postal! ... |
His wife stared at him, turned around, dropped the buckets, and started to shout something. And then the flame blossomed. It hit Sybil in the chest, splashed across the pens, and went out abruptly. The dwarf looked down and began to thump the pipe desperately. The pillar of flame that was Lady Sybil said, in an authori... |
Vimes rode beside Willikins, and got him to stop halfway down the hill where a man was selling the evening edition of the Times , still damp from the press. The picture on the front page was of a mob of dwarfs. They were pulling open one of the mine’s big, round metal doors; it was hanging off its hinges. In the middle... |
“All right, Captain, do we have any idea where the bastards have gone?” “They had an escape tunnel—” “I bet they did!” “—and collapsed it after them. I’ve got men digging—” “Stand them down. They could be in a safe house, they could have got out in a cart, hell, they could all be wearing helmets and chain mail and pass... |
Vimes wrote “SPECIAL WORD?” He drew a circle around it so hard that his pencil broke. Maybe he can’t find the word for “stop talking”? Anyway, he chucks it down a well… He tried to write “Did Rascal ever live in Empirical Crescent?,” and then gave up and tried to remember it. Anyway…then he dies and, afterwards, this d... |
It was, in fact, the same size as the ordinary coppers’ truncheons, but turned out of rosewood and silver instead of lignum vitae or oak. It still had plenty of weight, though. Certainly enough to leave the words Protecter of thee Kinge’s Piece printed back to front on a dwarf skull. The dwarfs were ushered in, looking... |
“But it’s on two conditions, okay? Condition one: you’ve got five minutes to lay your hands on a Thud set. I think you can do that?” “I think I can, too,” said the dwarf, smiling faintly. “And the other condition?” “How long will it take you to teach me to play?” said Vimes. “You? You’ve never played it at all?” “No. A... |
“No point in hitting ’em with something that bounces, eh?” he added, looking at Bashfullsson, who smiled, once again, his strange little smile. One candle burned on the table. For some reason, Fred had seen fit to put another one on a stool near the one occupied cell. “Isn’t it a bit dark in here, Fred?” said Vimes as ... |
I’m running into a wall here. What am I left with? Brick saw a dwarf hitting another dwarf, but that wasn’t the murder—that was Ardent or someone giving Hamcrusher’s dead body that distinctive, bashed-by-a-troll look. I’m not actually certain that’s a major crime. The murder was done in the dark by one of six dwarfs, a... |
“Some would say it is far worse. His own guilt and fear killed Helmclever. It’s as if he had his own Summoning Dark in his head,” said Bashfullsson. “In a way, perhaps, we all have, Commander. Or something similar. ” “You know, your religion really messes people up,” said Vimes. “Not in comparison to what they do to on... |
“They were listening out for something talking at the bottom of an old well,” said Vimes, still bending over the map. “What chance that’d still be visible? And people can get a bit iffy when a bunch of dwarfs turn up and start digging holes in the garden. ” “It’d be very slow, sureleah?” “Well, yes, sir. But it would b... |
Rascal wanted it displayed. I got full marks from Miss Turpitude. She was our math teacher, you know, she wore her hair in a bun with a pair of compasses and a ruler stuck in it? She used to say that a girl who knew how to use a set square and protractor would go a long way in life. ” “What a shame you no longer have i... |
Oh, and some humans hwitnessed it. ” “So Rascal could have read about it?” “Oh, yes. Apart from the fact that he put it in the wrong part of the valley, he’d got it down quite accurately. ” Vimes didn’t take his gaze off the paper battle. “Does anyone know why he put it in the wrong place, then?” he said. “There are se... |
“And when you have boldly reached so far, you will need friends. I shall make sure the Low King is at least aware of your presence. ” “Don’t worry, he’ll find out soon enough,” growled Vimes. “Oh, yes. ” “I have no doubt he will. He has his agents in our city, just as I have in his. So I will do him the courtesy of tel... |
T he rain cooled Vimes down. It had cooled down the streets, too. You have to be really keen to riot in the rain. Besides, news of last night had got around. No one was sure , of course, and such were the effects of Fluff and Big Hammer that a large if elementary school of thought had been left uncertain about what rea... |
“Well, we don’t seem to have a weight problem,” he said. “All right. But you’re to keep an eye on him, okay?” The troll beamed. “Yessir! I’ll see you don’t regret it, sir!” “Breakfast, Sam!” called Sybil, from the doorway. A nasty suspicion gripped Vimes, and he hurried over to the other coach, where Carrot was strappi... |
On either side of the highway, the cabbage fields lent their gentle perfume to the air. Vimes settled down beside the butler. “Okay,” he said. “Everyone holding on to something? Good. Let ’em go!” Willikins cracked the whip. There was a mild jolt as the horses stretched, and Vimes felt the coach speed up. And that seem... |
A web of correspondence held them all together, and he marveled at Sybil’s ability to be concerned over the problems of a child, whom she’d never met, of a woman she hadn’t seen in twenty-five years. It was a female thing. So they would be staying in the town near the foot of the valley, with a lady currently known onl... |
” “Why, thank you,” said Bunty. “How charming. I’ve, er, never seen a troll wearing clothing before…” “I can take dem off if you like,” said Detritus. At which point, Sybil took Bunty gently by the arm and said: “Let me introduce you to everybody else…” Mr. Waynesbury, the magistrate, wasn’t the venal pocket-liner Vime... |
The vampire sat down in the shade of a big rock without saying anything. Brick lay down by the icy stream and stuck his head in it. “I’m afraid I’m not much help here, sir,” said Angua. “I can smell dwarf, but that’s about it. There’s just too much damn water everywhere!” “Maybe we won’t need your nose,” said Vimes. He... |
“Look, I’ll see if there’s any light down there, and if there isn’t, I’ll come straight back. I’m not that daft. ” He let himself slide on down the rope. There was a knot every couple of feet. The air was winter-cold after the heat of the valley. Fine spray came up from below. There was a tunnel, well above the cauldro... |
Death turned a page and, for a person without breath, managed a pretty good sigh. I T APPEARS THAT THE BUT LER DID IT. “Did what?” I TISAMADE - UP STORY. V ERY STRANGE. A LL ONE NEED DO IS TURN TO THE LAST PAGE AND THE ANSWER IS THERE. W HAT , THEREFORE , IS THE POINT OF DELIBERATELY NOT KNOWING ? It sounded like gibbe... |
It was there, but it was a long way off and didn’t affect him very much. “That’s not my cow!” he said, standing up. He strode on now, over the burning oil, through red-edged smoke, past the dwarfs rolling desperately on the ground to put out the flames. He seemed to be looking for something. Two more guards ran at him.... |
Dwarfs crumble after death, just like humans, but all the armor, mail, chains, and heavy leather mean there’s no great change to the eye of the casual observer. The flowing rock had covered it all in a glistening shroud. Vimes straightened up and looked across the cavern. Shapes loomed in the gloom, all the way to the ... |
“I’m going to see how my men are,” he announced. “I’ll come with you,” said Bashfullsson quickly. “I think I need no assistance,” lied Vimes, as coolly as he could. “I’m sure you do not,” said the dwarf. “But Captain Gud is a little nervous. ” “He’ll be a lot nervous if I don’t like what I see,” said Vimes. “Yes. That’... |
His spirit was broken. A reluctant Nobby was produced. “Yes, Mister Vimes?” he said. “Corporal Nobbs, did you obtain that precious thing I asked you to acquire?” said Vimes. “Er…what would that be, sir?” said Nobby. Vimes’s heart leapt. Nobby’s face was an open book, albeit the kind that got banned in some countries. “... |
As the cracked, old syllables unrolled, Bashfullsson went on: “ ‘The first thyng Tak did, he wroten hymself; the second thyng Tak did, he wroten the Laws; the thyrd thyng Tak did, he wroten the World; the fourth thyng Tak did, he wroten ay cave; the fyfth thyng Tak did, he wroten a geode, ay egge of stone; and in the g... |
No one would ever hear it down there. The Chicken chased him home. I t would be a lot simpler, Vimes thought, if this was a story. A sword is pulled out of a stone, or a magic ring is flung into the depths of the sea, and with general rejoicing, the world turns. But this was real life. The world didn’t turn, it just we... |
But for what it’s worth, sir, she smells like she’s telling the truth. ” “Do you still have a route to the Low King?” said Vimes. “Yes, and I’m sure he’ll—” Sally began quickly. “These are my demands. The grags and what’s left of their guards are coming back to Ankh-Morpork with me. That includes Ardent, though I’m tol... |
“Lord Vetinari, Ruler of the City , may I present Mr. Pony of the Artificers’ Guild?” said Carrot quickly. “Please let his lordship see the Axle, Mr. Pony. ” “Thank you,” said Vetinari. He took the thing, which looked like two cubes, each about six inches on a side, joined together on one face, like a pair of dice join... |
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There are many, many bodies and an ancient crime more terrible than murder. He is out of his jurisdiction, out of his depth, out of bacon sandwiches, and occasionally snookered and out of his mind, but never out of guile. Where there is a crime there must be a finding, there must be a chase and there must be a punishme... |
The initials of Sam Vimes were required to be on the paper to inform the world that it was his windmill, and therefore his manure. But now he stopped to call through the open door to Sergeant Littlebottom, who was acting as his orderly. ‘Anything yet, Cheery?’ he said hopefully. ‘Not in the way I think you mean, sir, b... |
’ A still ebullient Vetinari said, ‘But the captain must have realized this, Drumknott. ’ ‘Yes, sir. ’ ‘Of course, that would be in the nature of the commander,’ said Vetinari, ‘and would we have him any other way? He has won a little battle and a man who can win little battles is well set up to win big ones. ’ Unusual... |
At this point Young Sam said, ‘Those ladies haven’t got any clothes on! Are they going to have a swim?’ Vimes nodded absently because the whole area of naked ladies was not something you wanted to discuss with a six-year-old boy. In any case, his attention was still on the boat; white water churned all around it and th... |
The translation continued: and now I am worried that we might not be having such an easy life in the near future. ‘Hold on a minute,’ said Vimes, ‘my wife is a Grace as well, you know, that’s a bit more than a lady. Syb—Her grace made me look at the score chart. ’ Lady Sybil knew her husband in the way people living ne... |
But not any more! No, indeedy! This was the modern Watch, Vimes’s Watch, and anyone who challenged the watchman on his rounds with malice aforethought would hear the whistle blow and very quickly learn that if anybody was going to be kicked around on the street, it wasn’t going to be a watchman. The duty watchmen alway... |
‘Stop where you are! Put down your tray and turn round slowly!’ She skidded, she actually skidded and, turning with perfect grace while still clutching the tray, slowed gently to a stop, where she stood shaking with anxiety as Vimes caught up with her and said, ‘What’s your name, miss?’ She answered while keeping her f... |
Between son and spouse, Vimes never had a chance. He looked so crestfallen that Lady Sybil, as wives do, tried a little consolation. ‘After all, Sam, you expect your men to get on with their duties, don’t you? Likewise the housekeeper expects the girls to get on with theirs. ’ ‘That’s quite different, really it is. Cop... |
’ ‘Not too bad if you throw in some fruit and the occasional laxative, I suppose,’ said Vimes. ‘So Sybil’s ancestors used to come along and talk to the hermit whenever they were faced with a philosophical conundrum, yes?’ Willikins looked puzzled. ‘Good heavens, no, sir, I can’t imagine that any of them would ever drea... |
’ ‘I expect there was plenty of material around the place, unless Rubber Ramkin tidied up after himself,’ said Vimes. The tour continued, across meadows of what Vimes decided to call cows and around fields of standing corn. They navigated their way around a ha-ha, kept their distance from the ho-ho and completely ignor... |
They were mostly hangings, because you would have to be extremely suicidal to jump into the River Ankh, not least because you would bounce several times before you broke through the crust. And they all had to be investigated, just in case it was a murder in disguise, 9 and whereas Mr Trooper, the current city hangman, ... |
The man looked up at Vimes and gave him a nod, the basic nod which is understood everywhere as meaning ‘I see you, you see me, it’s up to you what happens next’, although some publicans can put an inflection on a nod which also manages to convey the information that there might just be a two-foot length of lead piping ... |
’ But he was thinking: you look to me like a big man in a small community, and you think you’re tough because you’re strong and metal doesn’t sneak up behind you and try to kick you in the goolies. Good grief, you don’t even know how to stand right! Even Corporal Nobbs could get you down and be kicking you industriousl... |
Rust, most unusually, smiled at Vimes and said, ‘First time I’ve ever seen you down here, Vimes. Is Sybil going back to her roots, what?’ ‘She wants Young Sam to get some mud on his boots, Rust. ’ ‘Well done her, what! It’ll do the boy good and make a man of him, what!’ Vimes never understood where the explosive what s... |
There was, besides himself and Lady Sybil, a young Omnian curate, wisely dressed in a voluminous black robe, which presumably presented no groinal problems. Vimes had no idea why the young man was there, but presumably the young ladies needed somebody to fill with weak tea, suspect scones and mindless twittering conver... |
It has certainly worked once before, hasn’t it, Sybil?’ Sybil burst out laughing and the overwhelmed girls nodded dutifully as if they actually understood, but Vimes was gratified to feel a gentle little prod from Lady Sybil that offered hope that he was not going to pay too high a price for speaking his mind to these ... |
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