Split (1)

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She looked down bemusedly at the dark ground and wondered vaguely why the stars were below her. For a cardiac moment she wondered if they had indeed flown over the edge, and then she realized that the thousands of little pinpoints below her were too yellow, and flickered. Besides, whoever heard of stars arranged in suc...
He looked up, and gave her a worried smile. “Is that you?” he said. “Yes,” said Esk, with conviction. “We thought you’d left us. Everyone thought you were riding with everyone else and then wwwwhen we stopped—” “I sort of caught up. I think Mr. Treatle wants you to come and look at the University. ” “We’re here?” he sa...
The tears streamed from his eyes, and his shoulders heaved. Treatle patted him reassuringly on the back. “Hay fever,” he explained. “Don’t seem to be able to cure it. Tried everything. ” Simon swallowed, and nodded. He waved Treatle away with his long white hands and closed his eyes. For a few seconds nothing happened....
“Well, you can’t,” he said. “The very idea!” He drew himself up to his full width and turned away. Something tugged at his robe. “Why not?” said a voice. He turned. “Because,” he said, slowly and deliberately, “because…the whole idea is completely laughable, that’s why. And it’s absolutely against the lore!” “But I can...
“Or there’s the tea-leaves, of course,” said Mrs. Whitlow, indicating the big brown pot on the table between them. “Aye know witches often prefer them, but they always seem so, well, common to me. No offense meant. ” There probably wasn’t any offense meant, at that, thought Granny. Mrs. Whitlow was giving her the sort ...
She had tried blowing her own and the effort always made her cough, which produced some very funny results. But the city’s thriving alchemy profession meant that there were whole shops full of glass for the buying, and a witch could always arrange bargain prices. She watched carefully as yellow steam surged along a twi...
Wizards seemed to like words. But yesterday had been different. Esk had been sitting in the dusty gloom, trying to do even some very simple magic, when she heard the door open and boots clump across the floor. That was surprising in itself. Esk knew the timetable, and the Second Year students who normally occupied this...
Anyway,” she added, suddenly realizing that she was whining, “why shouldn’t I tell fortunes?” “ You always said Hilta was playing on the foolishness of her sex,” said Esk. “ You said that them as tell fortunes should be ashamed of themselves, and anyway, you don’t need old clothes. ” “Waste not, want not,” said Granny ...
For a moment she saw them, the great gray shapes from the cold place. Watching. And in the calm of the Library, when the weight of magic was wearing the universe particularly thin, they had decided to Act. Around her the muted rustling of the books rose to a desperate riffling of pages. Some of the more powerful books ...
Granny waited until their footsteps had died away and took off her headscarf. “Damn thing,” she said. “Esk, go and listen at the door. ” She removed the towel from Simon’s head and felt his temperature. “It was very good of you to come,” said Esk. “And you so busy with your work, and everything. ” “Mmmph. ” Granny purs...
Two of them reached out hairy hands and grabbed Granny’s shoulders. Her arm disappeared behind her back and there was a brief flurry of movement that ended with the men hopping away, clutching bits of themselves and swearing. “Hatpin,” said Granny. She grabbed Esk with her free hand and swept toward the high table, gla...
The Discworld fell away, and lay below her as it did on the day she had been an eagle. But this time the Circle Sea was below her—it certainly was circular, as if God had run out of ideas—and beyond it lay the arms of the continent, and the long chain of the Ramtops marching all the way to the Hub. There were other con...
Which was not, given the circumstances, very hard. But where her foot struck there was an explosion of white sparks and a pop—which would have been a much more satisfying bang if the thin air here didn’t suck the sound away. The Thing screeched like a chainsaw encountering, deep inside an unsuspecting sapling, a lurkin...
The student wizards had run back to the Great Hall, where Cutangle and Granny Weatherwax were still locked in the magical equivalent of Indian arm wrestling. The flagstones under Granny were half-melted and cracked and the table behind Cutangle had taken root and already bore a rich crop of acorns. One of the students ...
“I had you down as the sort of boy who was in and out of boats all day long. ” “I was born up in the mountains. I get seasick on damp grass, if you must know,” said Cutangle. The boat banged heavily against a submerged tree trunk, and a wavelet lapped the prow. “I know a spell against drowning,” he added miserably. “I’...
” “There were more old people. The world was full of them,” said the wizard. “Yes, I know. And now it’s full of young people. Funny, really. I mean, you’d expect it to be the other way round. ” “They even had a better kind of air. It was easier to breathe,” said Cutangle. They stamped on through the swirling snow, cons...
“Or would you rather get off and walk?” “Apart from the fact that half the time my feet are touching the ground anyway,” said Cutangle. “I wouldn’t want to embarrass you. If someone had asked me to list all the perils of flying, you know, it would never have occurred to me to include having one’s legs whipped to death ...
” “Have you ever listened to it?” “Not exactly listened, no,” Cutangle conceded. “Not as such. ” “Well then,” said Granny, edging past a waterfall where the kitchen steps used to be (Mrs. Whitlow’s washing would never be the same again). “I think it’s up here and along the passage, isn’t it?” She swept past a trio of a...
“Where does it go ?” “It just becomes an idea of itself, I think. ” He reached out his hand again and closed his fingers around the shining wood. “Right,” he said, and raised it in the classical revengeful wizard’s pose. “I’ll show them!” “No, wrong. ” “What do you mean, wrong? I’ve got the power!” “They’re sort of—ref...
” The river was still brown and swollen but at least it resembled a river again. It was unnaturally hot for late autumn, and across the whole of the lower part of Ankh-Morpork the steam rose from thousands of carpets and blankets put out to dry. The streets were filled with silt, which on the whole was an improvement—A...
He has style. ” — Daily Telegraph (London) “Pratchett is a comic genius. ” — Express (London) “Pratchett is as funny as Wodehouse and as witty as Waugh. ” — Independent (London) “Terry Pratchett does for fantasy what Douglas Adams did for science fiction. ” — Today (Great Britain) ”What makes Terry Pratchett’s fantasie...
On nights such as these the gods, as has already been pointed out, play games other than chess with the fates of mortals and the thrones of kings. It is important to remember that they always cheat, right up to the end… And a coach came hurtling along the rough forest track, jerking violently as the wheels bounced off ...
They’re usually so busy thinking about what happens next that the only time they ever find out what is happening now is when they come to look back on it. Most people are like this. They learn how to fear because they can actually tell, down at the subconscious level, what is going to happen next. It’s already happenin...
Granny looked up into another pair of eyes, which were as chilly as the slopes of Hell. Their owner threw his crossbow aside. There was a glimpse of chain mail under his sodden cloak as he drew his sword. He didn’t flourish it. The eyes that didn’t leave Granny’s face weren’t the eyes of one who bothers about flourishi...
“It’s all in the mind. Just force of habit. You just think you’re hungry. ” “I think I’m ravenous. ” “Yes, but you can’t actually touch anything, you see,” Champot explained gently. “Nothing at all. ” Verence lowered himself gently onto a bench, so that he did not drift through it, and sank his head in his hands. He’d ...
“If you’re going to bugger about, you can bloody well stay without all day,” said the porter calmly. “No! I must see the duke upon the instant!” shouted the guard. “Witches are abroad!” The porter was about to come back with, “Good time of year for it,” or “Wish I was, too,” but stopped when he saw the man’s face. It w...
“How can we hide something like this? What’d happen if we buried it really deeply somewhere?” “A badger’d dig it up,” said Granny wearily. “Or someone’d go prospecting for gold or something. Or a tree’d tangle its roots around it and then be blown over in a storm, and then someone’d pick it up and put it on—” “Unless t...
Then she stood up. Her black shawl billowed around her like the wings of an avenging angel, come to rid the world of all that was foolishness and pretense and artifice and sham. She seemed somehow a lot bigger than normal. She pointed an angry finger at the guilty party. “He done it!” she shouted triumphantly. “We all ...
Nanny Ogg, on the other hand, was enthusiastically downing her third drink and, Granny thought sourly, was well along that path which would probably end up with her usual dancing on the table, showing her petticoats and singing “The Hedgehog Can Never be Buggered at All. ” The table was covered with copper coins. Vitol...
“What’s it to be—wealth, beauty?” “Well, money isn’t everything, and if he takes after his father he’ll be handsome enough,” Magrat said, suddenly serious. “Wisdom, do you think?” “That’s something he’ll have to learn for himself,” said Granny. “Perfect eyesight? A good singing voice?” From the lawn outside came Nanny ...
“No, sir,” he said. “I wonder why, then, you did not in fact do this thing that I asked?” “Sir?” “I expect she said some magic words, did she? I’ve heard about witches,” said the duke, who had spent the night before reading, until his bandaged hands shook too much, some of the more excitable works on the subject. * “I ...
And then, just below one eye, he started to twitch. Blood was oozing between the bandages on his hand. Once again the full moon rode the clouds. Granny Weatherwax milked and fed the goats, banked the fire, put a cloth over the mirror and pulled her broomstick out from behind the door. She went out, locked the back door...
“But next day he’d send his housekeeper around with a bag of silver and a hamper of stuff for the wedding,” said Granny. “Many a couple got a proper start in life thanks to that. ” “Ah,” agreed Nanny. “One or two individuals, too. ” “Every inch a king,” said Granny. “What are you talking about?” said Magrat suspiciousl...
“Withal, because a candle may be greased, yet a fillhorse be without a fat argier,” he said and, because it was part of the joke, patted Lord Felmet lightly with his balloon on a stick and twanged his mandolin. The duke’s index finger tapped an abrupt tattoo on the arm of the throne. “Yes?” he said. “And then what happ...
Hogswatchnight came around, marking the start of another year. And, with alarming suddenness, nothing happened. The skies were clear, the snow deep and crisped like icing sugar. The freezing forests were silent and smelled of tin. The only things that fell from the sky were the occasional fresh showers of snow. A man w...
The duke took it with an expression of pathetic gratitude and blew his nose. Then he held it away from him and gazed at it with demented suspicion. “Is this a dagger I see before me?” he mumbled. “Um. No, my lord. It’s my handkerchief, you see. You can sort of tell the difference if you look closely. It doesn’t have as...
“Our Darron’s eldest was sick,” she said. “Been at his dad’s beer. ” “Unless he was extremely ill,” said Granny, “I doubt if it was what I was referring to. ” She made a complex occult sign in the air, which Nanny totally ignored. “Someone tried to dance on the table,” she said. “Fell into our Reet’s pumpkin dip. We ha...
Granny tried to formulate one that couldn’t be deliberately misunderstood. Then she decided that this was playing the wrong kind of game. “What the hell’s going on?” she said carefully. “And no mucking about trying to wriggle out of it, otherwise I’ll boil you. ” The demon appeared to hesitate. This was obviously a new...
She hadn’t noticed before, but every tree around her garden was so heavy with birds that it looked as though a strange brown and black spring had come early. Occupying the patch where the herbs grew in summer were the wolves, sitting or lolling with their tongues hanging out. A contingent of bears was crouched behind t...
” Spring came, and ex-King Verence still wasn’t taking being dead lying down. He prowled the castle relentlessly, seeking for a way in which its ancient stones would release their grip on him. He was also trying to keep out of the way of the other ghosts. Champot was all right, if a bit tiresome. But Verence had backed...
Greebo watched with interest as ghostly muscles moved on the king’s arms like footballs mating. The door began to move, creaked, then accelerated and hit the doorway with a thump. The latch clicked into place. It bloody well had to work now, Verence told himself. He’d never be able to lift the latch by himself. But a w...
They want a king they can trust. ” “I wouldn’t trust any king a burgher could trust,” said Granny. “Yes, but it’s not good for anyone, all this taxing and killing folk. The new sergeant they’ve got is a keen man when it comes to setting fire to cottages, too. Old Verence used to do it too, mind, but…well…” “I know, I k...
“ And you’re in my territory, madam. ” “ Madam !” Thunder rolled in the distance. The permanent Lancre storm, after a trip through the foothills, had drifted back toward the mountains for a one-night stand. The last rays of sunset shone livid through the clouds, and fat drops of water began to thud on the witches’ poin...
” “Where were you going?” demanded Magrat. “To fetch our Jason and our Wane and our Darron and our—” “Wait a moment. ” “Oh, Miss Magrat, suppose they try to torture her? You know what a tongue she’s got on her when she gets angry—” “I’m thinking,” said Magrat. “He’s put his own bodyguards on the gates and everything—” ...
Magrat was also regarding herself in the mirror. She’d dug out a startlingly green dress that was designed to be both revealing and clinging, and would have been if Magrat had anything to display or cling to, so she’d shoved a couple of rolled-up stockings down the front in an effort to make good the more obvious defic...
“Is this going to take long? I haven’t had breakfast. ” The Fool lit a match. There was the faintest disturbance in the air beside him, and it went out. He swore, and tried another. This time his shaking hands managed to get it as far as the brazier before it, too, flared and darkened. “Hurry up, man!” said the duchess...
“That, you see,” said the guard, “was a witch having it the hard way. You could do us all a favor, see? Lucky you met us, really. ” His questing hand stopped its wandering. “What’s this?” he said to Magrat’s pale face. “A knife? A knife? I reckon we’ve got to take that very seriously, don’t you, Hron?” “You got to tie ...
“It’s a reasonable job. I think you might have overdone it a bit, that’s all. ” “Excuse me,” said the Fool. “I can’t do rocks,” said Magrat. “Well, no, rocks is an acquired taste—” “Excuse me. ” The two witches stared at him, and he backed away. “Weren’t you supposed to be rescuing someone?” he said. “Oh,” said Granny....
“The meadow, OK? I’ll wear something so you recognize me. All right?” “All right,” echoed Magrat, hypnotized by the sheer pressure of his persistence. She turned and ran after the other witches. There was pandemonium outside the castle. The crowd that had been there at Granny’s arrival had grown considerably, and had f...
” “Yes, and over Skund way the trees talk to you and walk around of night,” said Nanny. “Without even asking permission. Very poor organization. ” “Not really good organization, like we’ve got here?” said Magrat. Granny stood up purposefully. “I’m going home,” she said. There are thousands of good reasons why magic doe...
” “It’s never happened to me before, ever,” said Granny, still twanging like a bowstring. “I’ll teach him to run us down as though, as though, as though we was ordinary people!” “He already knows,” said Magrat. “Just help me get Nanny out of this bush, will you?” “I’ll turn his—” “People haven’t got any respect anymore...
“Who knows, now? What was he good at ? But he will be Gruneberry the Good until the end of the world. ” The duke was leaning forward in his throne, his eyes gleaming. “I want to be a good ruler,” he said. “I want people to like me. I would like people to remember me fondly. ” “Let us assume,” said the duchess, “that th...
“See who it was?” “The Fool, I think. ” There was a thoughtful pause. The second guard shifted his grip on his halberd. “It’s a rotten job,” he said. “But I suppose someone’s got to do it. ” “We ain’t going to curse anyone,” said Granny firmly. “It hardly ever works if they don’t know you’ve done it. ” “What you do is,...
And then she’d be bound to ask him in, for a cup of tea or something… He put his foot in another water-filled hole. Something wriggled underneath it. The Fool groaned, and stepped back onto a tumescent mushroom. “Look, cat,” he said. “You’ve got to come down, right? And then you can find your way home and I’ll follow y...
Granny regarded them for some time. Then she ate them. A chasm loomed, still choked with winter snow. Like a tiny spark in the darkness, a dot of light against the hugeness of the Ramtops, Granny tackled the maze of the mountains. Back in the forest, Magrat sat up and absent-mindedly pulled a twig from her hair. A few ...
Most visitors mistook it at first sight for the offices of the Guild of Assassins, which in fact was the rather pleasant, airy collection of buildings next door (the Assassins always had plenty of money); sometimes the young Fools, slaving at their rote in rooms that were always freezing, even in high summer, heard the...
“I can’t pull you up!” “Well I can’t climb up, can I? Act your age, Gytha!” Nanny considered this. Then she let go. Three marriages and an adventurous girlhood had left Nanny Ogg with thigh muscles that could crack coconuts, and the G-forces sucked at her as she forced the speeding stick down and around in a tight loop...
We could get free board and everything. ” “We needn’t actually go. The whole point is that he should come here. There’s something about that city,” said Granny. “It’s like a drain. ” “It’s five hundred miles away!” said Magrat. “You’ll be away for ages!” “I can’t help it,” said the Fool. “The duke’s given me special in...
He shut the window and wandered back to his desk, picked up the quill, and pulled another sheet of paper toward him. A thought struck him. The whole world was a stage, to the gods… Presently he began to write. All the Disc it is but an Theater , he wrote, Ane alle men and wymmen are but Players. He made the mistake of ...
“It’s bad enough they let monkeys drink here, but pygmies—” Now the silence in the bar took on a whole new intensity in which the sound of a stool being slowly pushed back was like the creak of doom. All eyes swiveled to the other end of the room, where sat the one drinker in the Mended Drum who came into category C. W...
” “I think it’s because I wasn’t cut out to be a dwarf. ” “Cut down , lawn ornament,” said Tomjon. There was a little hiss of indrawn breath. “Sorry,” said Tomjon hurriedly. “It’s just that father—” “I’ve known your father for a long time,” said Hwel. “Through thick and thin, and there was a damn sight more thin than t...
“S’all right,” he said, to the bar at large. “He don’t mean it, he ver’ funny wossname, idiot. Fool. Ver’ funny Fool, all way from wassisplace. ” “Lancre,” said the Fool, and sat down heavily on the bar. “S’right. Long way away from wossname, sounds like foot disease. Don’t know how to behave. Don’t know many dwarfs. ”...
If we wanted to be rich men—people,” he corrected hurriedly, “we should have been born carpenters. ” Vitoller shifted uneasily. “I already owe Chrystophrase the Troll more than I should. ” The other two stared. “He’s the one that has people’s limbs torn off!” said Tomjon. “How much do you owe him?” said Hwel. “It’s all...
Tomjon slipped on his clothes and pushed open the door. It looked as though it had snowed indoors, great heavy flakes that had drifted into odd corners of the room. Hwel sat at his low table in the middle of the floor, his head pillowed on a pile of paper, snoring. Tomjon tiptoed across the room and picked up a discard...
” “A fiery white charger would have been favorite,” said Nanny Ogg. “You know. Caparisoned, and that. ” “Has he got a magic sword?” said Magrat, craning to see. Granny Weatherwax sat back. “You’re a disgrace, the pair of you,” she said. “I don’t know—magic chargers, fiery swords. Ogling away like a couple of milkmaids....
He watched Tomjon hobble off the stage, and for a fleeting instant knew what it was to be a fat old man, pickled in wine, fighting old wars that no one cared about anymore, hanging grimly onto the precipice of late middle-age for fear of dropping off into antiquity, but only with one hand, because with the other he was...
” “There’s more to life than milk jugs. ” “It had a daisy pattern around the top. ” Granny ignored her. “I think,” she said, “it’s time we had a look at this new king. Close up. ” She cackled. “You cackled, Granny,” said Magrat darkly. “I did not! It was,” Granny fumbled for a word, “a chuckle. ” “I bet Black Aliss use...
” To Hwel’s irritation Nanny Ogg hitched up her skirts and scrambled onto the board, inserting herself between Tomjon and the dwarf and then twisting like an oyster knife until she occupied half the seat. “You mentioned salt pork,” she said. “There wouldn’t be any mustard, would there?” “No,” said Hwel sullenly. “Can’t...
“When’s this play going to be, then?” she said, moving closer. “Marry, I’m sure I’m not allowed to tell you,” said the Fool. “The duke said to me, he said, don’t tell the witches that it’s tomorrow night. ” “I shouldn’t, then,” agreed Magrat. “At eight o’clock. ” “I see. ” “But meet for sherry beforehand at seven-thirt...
“Soldiers of the king, at the double! And the witches— where are the blasted witches ?” Three junior apprentices presented themselves. “I’ve lost my wart!” “The cauldon’s all full of yuk!” “There’s something living in this wig!” “Calm down, calm down,” screamed Hwel. “It’ll all be all right on the night!” “This is the ...
Oh, he might burn down the odd cottage every now and again, in a sort of absent-minded way, but only when he was really angry about something, and he could give it up any time he liked. Where he wounded the world, he left the kind of wounds that healed. Whoever wrote this Theater knew about the uses of magic. Even I be...
“I said tie their hands, didn’t I?” he snapped. “Shall we gag them as well, cap’n?” “But if you’d just listen , we’re with the theater—” “Yes,” said the captain, shuddering. “Gag them. ” “Please…” The captain leaned down and stared at three pairs of frightened eyes. He was trembling. “That,” he said, “is the last time ...
“B-but—” whispered Wimsloe, trying to point surreptitiously with his dagger. “I wouldn’t be seen dead with a cauldron like this,” said Nanny Ogg, in a whisper loud enough to carry to the back of the courtyard. “Two days’ work with a scourer and a bucket of sand, is this. ” “‘And calls me forth for vengeance’” hissed To...
There was blood on the counterpane, there was blood on the floor, I could not wash off the blood, but these are not proper subjects for the inquiry. I cannot allow the discussion of national security. It was just a dream, and when I awoke, he’d be alive tomorrow. And tomorrow it wouldn’t have happened because it was no...
Bring on your toads and demons, I’ll…” She stopped, her mouth opening and shutting a bit without any words emerging. Her lips drew back in a rictus of terror, her eyes looked beyond Granny, beyond the world, toward something else. One knuckled hand flew to her mouth and she made a little whimpering noise. She froze, li...
In fact the only one who didn’t was Tomjon himself, who was aware that it was only his ears that were stopping it becoming a necklace. “Imagine the sensation when he put it on for the first time,” she went on. “I expect there was an eldritch tingling sensation. ” “Actually, it felt rather—” Tomjon began, but no one was...
I don’t want to be king!” “Could be a problem with an acceptance speech, then,” the dwarf agreed. “Have you really thought about this? Being king is a great role. ” “But it’s the only one you get to play!” “Hmm. Well, just tell them ‘no,’ then. ” “Just like that? Will it work?” “It’s got to be worth a try. ” A group of...
” “Certainly I am. How’s the play going?” “Hmm? What play?” said Hwel, innocently. Tomjon carefully removed a plaster brow ridge. “You know,” he said. “That one. The Lancre King. ” “Oh. Coming along. Coming along, you know. I’ll get it right one of these days. ” Hwel changed the subject with speed. “You know, we could ...
The crickets had ceased their chirping, the owls had hooted themselves into silence, and the wolves had other matters to attend to. There was a song that echoed and boomed from cliff to cliff, and resounded up the high hidden valleys, causing miniature avalanches. It funnelled along the secret tunnels under glaciers, l...
” Financial Times (London) “The funniest parodist working in the field today, period. ” New York Review of Science Fiction “Pratchett demonstrates just how great the distance is between one- or two-joke writers and the comic masters whose work will be read into the next century. ” Locus “As always he is head and should...
Many foresighted citizens in fact arranged to get an acceptable minimum of theft, assault, etc, over at the beginning of the financial year, often in the privacy and comfort of their own homes, and thus be able to walk the streets quite safely for the rest of the year. It all ticked over extremely peacefully and effici...
But they were the best she'd been able to make. This is a story about stories. Or what it really means to be a fairy godmother. But it's also, particularly, about reflections and mirrors. All across the multiverse there are backward tribes* who distrust mirrors and images because, they say, they steal a bit of a person...
Anyway, the girl was born, out of wedlock but none the worse for that, it wasn't as if they couldn't have married, they just never got round to it. and Lilith wished for her to have beauty and power and marry a prince. Hah! And she's been working on that ever since. What could I do? You can't argue with wishes like tha...
The conversation, given Desiderata's absence, had naturally turned to the increasing shortage of witches. * 'What, no-one?' said Granny Weatherwax. 'No-one,' said Gammer Brevis. 'I call that terrible,' said Granny. 'That's disgustin'. ' 'Eh?' said Old Mother Dismass. 'She calls it disgusting!' shouted Gammer Brevis. 'E...
'Old Gertie Simmons used to have a squint and she was always putting the evil influence on the end of her own nose. We can't have people thinkin' that if you upsets a witch she curses and mutters and then her own nose drops off. ' They all stared at the fire again. 'I suppose Desiderata wouldn't have chosen her own suc...
' 'It's not up there, then?' said Nanny Ogg sweetly. 'Don't know what you're talking about. ' 'You don't have to pretend. Everyone knows she must have had one,' said Nanny Ogg. 'It goes with the job. It practic'ly is the job. ' 'Well. . . maybe I just wanted a look at it,' Granny admitted. 'Just hold it a while. Not us...
Ella Saturday muste NOTTE marry the prins. PS This is importent. ' She looked at her reflection in the mirror. She looked down at the note again. 'PSPS Tell those 2 Olde Biddys they are Notte to come with Youe, they will onlie Ruine everythin. ' There was more. 'PSPSPS It has tendincy to resett to pumpkins but you will...
' Magrat made an effort. 'Genua really is a long way away,' she said. 'I should 'ope so,' said Granny Weatherwax. 'The last thing we want is foreign parts up close. ' 'I mean, there'll be a lot of travelling,' said Magrat wretchedly. 'And you're. . . not as young as you were. ' There was a long, crowded silence. 'We st...
Granny Weatherwax could find little to disapprove of, although she made an effort. 'And will you look at your hat,' she mumbled. Nanny, who had known Esme Weatherwax for seventy years, merely grinned. 'All the go, ain't it?' she said. 'Made by Mr Vernissage over in Slice. It's got willow reinforcing all the way up to t...
Then she stood back, hit the rock sharply with her broomstick, and spake thusly: 'Open up, you little sods!' Nanny Ogg kicked the rock. It made a hollow boom. 'There's people catching their death of cold out here!' she added. Nothing happened for a while. Then a section of rock swung in a few inches. Magrat saw the gli...
Nowhere were there any instructions. Not so much as a rune or a sigil anywhere on its length indicated what you were supposed to do with it. 'I think you're supposed to wave it,' said Nanny Ogg. 'I'm pretty sure it's something like that. ' Granny Weatherwax folded her arms. 'That's not proper witching,' she said. Magra...
'They say it never goes stale even if you stores it for years,' said Granny. 'It'd keep you going for days and days,' said Nanny Ogg- Magrat reached across, took one of the flat loaves, tried to break it, and gave up. 'You're supposed to eat it?' she said. 'Oh, I don't think it's for eating,' said Nanny. 'It's more for...
'You'd like me to stop? It would be the easiest thing in the world. I found you in the gutter. Would you like me to send you back?' His face became a mask of panic. 'I didn't mean that! I just meant. . . well, then everything will be real. Just one kiss, you said. I can't see why that's so hard to arrange. ' 'The right...
'That's speaking foreign, is it?' 'My grandson Shane is a sailor,' said Nanny Ogg. 'You'd be amazed, the words he learns about foreign parts. ' 'I expects I would,' said Granny. 'And I 'opes they works better for him. ' She thumped on the door again. And this time it opened, very slowly. A pale face peered around it. '...
Greebo had not had a very good night. He had investigated the whole place with regard to female cats, and found none. He had prowled among the middens, and drawn a blank. People in this town didn't throw the garbage away. They ate it. He'd trotted into the woods and found some wolves and had sat and grinned at them unt...
'They coming all this way for a taste?' she said. 'Sure. ' Mrs Gogol sat back. 'You been to see the girl in the white house?' Mrs Pleasant nodded. 'Young Embers,' shesaid. 'Yeah. When I can. When the Sisters are out at the palace. They got her real scared, Mrs Gogol. ' She looked down at the pot again, and back up to M...
'I thought it would be nice to send something to our Jason. You know, to stop him worryin'. So I done a drawing of this place on a piece of card and Mine Hair here will give it to someone going our way. You never know, it might get there. ' - continues Fine. Nanny Ogg sucked the end of her pencil. Not for the first tim...
'And I don't hold with all this giving things funny names so people don't know what they're eating,' said Granny, determined to explore the drawbacks of international cookery to the full. 'I like stuff that tells you plain what it is, like. . . well. . . Bubble and Squeak, or. . . or. . . ' 'Spotted Dick,' said Nanny a...
'It's nothin' to do with us if a lot of foreigners want to get excited about things. Now pass me the herbal wine. ' As far as Lagro te Kabona, innkeeper, could remember the events of that day, they seemed to happen like this: It was the time of the Thing with the Bulls. And the mad women just sat there, drinking absint...
She looked around guiltily from the shelter of her hatbrim in case anyone had noticed her asleep. Falling asleep during the day was something only old women did, and Granny Weatherwax was an old woman only when it suited her purposes. The only spectator was Greebo, curled up on Nanny's chair. His one good eye was fixed...

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