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“The only things they haven’t found are the bunch of dates and the camel hidden under the pillow…” Belatedly, his nuptial radar detected a certain chilliness from the far side of the cruet. “Is, er, there something wrong, dear?” he said. “Can you remember when we last had dinner together, Sam?” “Tuesday, wasn’t it?” “T... |
” They dropped down onto lawns of academia and headed for the library. “It’ll be shut,” said Angua. “Remember, we have a man on the inside,” said Carrot, and knocked. The door opened a little way. “Ook?” Carrot raised his horrible little round hat. “Good evening, sir, I wonder if we could come in? It’s Watch business. ... |
“Oh, gods…so who’s the officer in charge?” “Sergeant Detritus, sir. ” It seemed to the dwarf that she was suddenly standing still. Commander Vimes had become a rapidly disappearing blur. With the calm expression of someone who was methodically doing his duty, Detritus picked up a man and used him to hit some other men.... |
A discreetly obvious brass Thieves’ Guild plaque over the door told the world that Mr. Goriff had conscientiously paid his annual fee, * but the world had plenty of less formal dangers and so Vimes took a piece of chalk out of his pocket and wrote on the door: U N D ER T H E P ROTE C TI O N O F T H E W ATC H As an afte... |
That’s not a very obvious clue, is it?” “It smells newer,” said Angua. “I’d say he was here last night. ” “ After Ossie was dead?” “Yes. ” “Why?” “How should I know? What kind of name is 71-hour Ahmed?” said Angua. Carrot shrugged. “I don’t know. I think Mr. Vimes thinks that someone in Ankh-Morpork wants us to believe... |
The cart started to judder forward. The watchmen watched it lurch and scrape around the corner. “They’re good fellows at heart,” said Carrot. “I think it says a lot for the spirit of tolerance in this city that even gnolls can call it home. ” “They turn my stomach,” said Angua, as they set off again. “That one had plan... |
Then the man from the roof had come out of the smoke again, carrying another figure over his shoulder, screamed something at him and beckoned him to follow and … … then the floor had given way … “There were…two other people in there,” he said, coughing again. “They didn’t get out the front way, then,” said Colon. “How ... |
Vimes stared at Carrot, who was standing in front of his desk. “So what does all that add up to?” he said. “The man we know didn’t get the Prince is dead. The man who probably did …is dead. Someone tried very clumsily to make it look as if Ossie was paid by the Klatchians. Okay, I can see why someone might want to do t... |
And the Watch was supposed to believe it was a Klatchian plot. Sand in their sandals…The nerve of it! Did they think he was stupid? He wished Fred had carefully swept up the sand, because he was damn well going to find out who’d put it there and they were going to eat it. Someone wanted Vimes to chase Klatchians. The m... |
“Yes. And I have to say that he anticipated a certain…cynicism on your part, commander, and therefore asked me to give you this letter. You will see that it is sealed with his seal. ” Vimes looked at the envelope. There was certainly the official seal in the wax, but— He met Lord Rust’s gaze and at least that suspicion... |
“There have been developments on the new land. Regrettable incidents. And indeed in Ankh-Morpork, too. ” He glanced at Vimes again. “Although here, I must say, reports are confused. Lord Rust, I have to tell you we are, technically, at war. ” “ Technically at war?” said Vimes. “I am afraid events are carrying us forwar... |
“He was in the scrap we had against Pseudopolis and my great-gran gave him this book of prayers for soldiers, ’cos you need all the prayers you can get, believe you me, and he stuck it in the top pocket of his jerkin, ’cos he couldn’t afford armor, and next day in battle—whoosh, this arrow came out of nowhere, wham, st... |
She eyed him carefully as he chewed his fried egg and stared into the middle distance. Her manner was that of someone with a portable safety net watching a man on the high wire. After a while, as she watched him crack open a sausage, he said, “Do we have any books on chivalry, dear?” “Hundreds, Sam. ” “Is there any one... |
” “It was ’cos the bastards even used to steal the locks. ” Colon considered the truth of this. “Yes, but at least it was each other’s stuff they were nicking, Nobby. It’s not like they was foreigners. ” “Right. ” They strolled on for a while, each entangled in his own thoughts. “Sarge?” “Yes, Nobby?” “Where’s Nubilia?... |
Especially since it was a map of Klatch and everyone knew that Klatch was sand anyway, which made it rather satisfying in an existential sort of way, although this sand here had been commandeered from the heap behind Chalky the troll’s wholesale pottery and bore the occasional cigarette end and trace of feline incontin... |
I think the swatches for the new uniforms should be in my office about now, it’s so important to look right on the battlefield, isn’t it?” Rust gave Vimes another look, and then strode away. Detritus stamped to attention beside Vimes and his salute clanged smartly off his helmet. “What we doin’ now, sir?” “We can pack ... |
“And what’s the most important thing a professional soldier wants not to happen to him?” “Not getting stabbed and shot,” said Nobby automatically. “Right! So let’s be going, Mr. Quirm! The call has come!” “Well done!” said Leonard. “Tell me, sergeant, are you of a nautical persuasion?” Colon saluted again. “Nossir! Hap... |
The pedalling can be somewhat tiresome, but with three of us we should be able to get up to some quite satisfactory accelerations. It’s amazing what you can do when you imitate nature, I just wish my flying exp—Oh…where did you go…?” It would be difficult to establish what part of satisfactorily accelerating nature the... |
There were people who, when their girlfriend was spirited away on a foreign ship, would have dived into the Ankh, or at least run briskly along the crust, leapt aboard and dealt out merry hell on a democratic basis. Of course, at a time like this that would be a dumb thing to do. The sensible approach would be to let p... |
“Now…how do you make this thing go fast?” Lord Rust tapped his fingers on the table. “What did he take the boat for ?” “Dunno, m’lord,” said Cumbling Michael, scratching his head. “Damn! Did anyone else see them?” “Oh, there weren’t many people around, m’lord. ” “That’s a small mercy, at least. ” “Just me and Foul Ole ... |
” “Aren’t you supposed to tell me what I’m going to do?” said Vimes, opening the box. “Er…what you should be doing,” said the demon, looking very worried. “What you should be doing. I don’t understand it…er…something seems to be wrong…” Angua stopped trying to rub the collar off against a bulkhead. It wasn’t working, a... |
Look, if I can measure the wind speed—” “Then Leshp should be in this vicinity?” “Oh, yes, I should—” “Good. Unhitch us from this apparently stricken ship while we still have the cover of darkness and in the morning I wish to see this troublesome land. In the meantime, I suggest that everyone gets some sleep. ” Sergean... |
Detritus’s crossbow was originally a three-man siege weapon, but he had removed the windlass as an unnecessary encumbrance. He cocked it by hand. Usually the mere sight of the troll pulling the string back with one finger was enough to make the strong-willed surrender. He looked doubtfully at the distant light. “It a m... |
“Dat was a lifeboat, was it?” “At the very least we ought to get somewhere sheltered and drop the anchor. ” “Yeah…anchor…” mused Detritus. “Dat’s a big thing kinda hooks on, right?” “Of course. ” “Kinda heavy thing?” “Obviously!” “Right. An’…er…if it was dropped a long time ago, on accounta bein’ heavy, dat wouldn’t do... |
Something else, long and bent at the end, rose up with a creaking noise. It twisted around until it pointed at Jackson. “Excuse me,” it said, in a tinny yet polite voice, “but this is Leshp, isn’t it?” Jackson made a sound in his throat. “Only,” the thing went on, “the water’s a little cloudy and I thought we might hav... |
“Ah, yes, he says, ‘ After the first battle of Sto Lat, I formulated a policy which has stood me in good stead in other battles. It is this: if the enemy has an impregnable stronghold, see he stays there. ’” “That’s a lot of help,” said Jenkins. Vimes slipped the book into a pocket. “So, Constable Visit, there’s a god ... |
” Jenkins waded out of the surf. He didn’t look angry. He was a man who had passed through the fires of anger and was now in some strange peaceful bay beyond them. He pointed a quivering finger at his stricken ship and said “Muh…?” “Pretty good shape, all things considered,” said Vimes. “Muh?” “I’m sure you and your sa... |
” There was an embarrassed silence. “Altogether an interesting experience,” said Lord Vetinari, making some notes. “And now, gentlemen—downward and onward, please…” The watchmen drew their weapons. “They’re D’regs, sir,” said Carrot. “But—this is all wrong…” “What do you mean?” “We’re not dead yet. ” They’re watching u... |
” “He must be having fun. ” “And this is Jabbar,” said Carrot. Exhibit A, who looked like a slightly older version of 71-hour Ahmed, stood up and salaamed to Vimes. “Offendi,” he said. “He’s their…well, he’s like an official wise man,” said Carrot. “Oh, so he’s not the one who tells them to charge?” said Vimes. His hea... |
’” “I believe, my lord, the saying is ‘If you would seek peace, prepare for war,’” Leonard ventured. Vetinari put his head on one side and his lips moved as he repeated the phrase to himself. Finally he said, “No, no. I just don’t see that one at all. ” He ducked back into his seat. “Let us proceed with care,” he said.... |
She buys her own dog biscuits and she’s got her own flap in the door. When it’s full moon I don’t really get involved. ” There were shouts in the night and then a shape erupted from the darkness, streaked past Vimes, and disappeared into a tent. It didn’t wait for a door. It simply hit the cloth at full speed and conti... |
“All right, all right, I’m not going to hurt you…” Vimes lowered his fist and stood up, pulling the boy up after him. “Talk later,” he muttered. “Come on!” “No! Everyone knows what the D’regs do to their captives!” “Well I’m their captive and they’ll have to do it to both of us, okay? Keep away from the more amusing fo... |
This means not asking for curry with swede and currants in it and refraining from ordering pints of Winkle’s Old Peculiar, do I make myself clear?” “Er…what is it we’re going to do , sir?” “We will reconnoiter initially. ” “Ah, right. Yes. Very important. ” “And then seek out the Klatchian high command. Thanks to Leona... |
I love the idea of giving in without a fight. I’ve fought for ten years and giving in without a fight is what I’ve always wanted to do. ” Water dripped off the Boat’s metal ceiling and blobbed on to the paper in front of Leonard of Quirm. He wiped it away. It might have been boring, waiting in a small metal can under a... |
” “Ah, well, that’s the trick, isn’t it? When one of them comes screaming at you waving a sword, how do you spot his moral character? Well, you can stay if you like and fight for the good name of Ankh-Morpork. It should be a pretty short fight. But I’m off. Jenkins probably hasn’t got afloat again. Okay, Jabbar?” The D... |
The Patrician didn’t do this sort of thing… “Ladies and gentlemen! You see—an egg! And here we have a—melon rind! Egg, melon! Melon, egg! We put the melon over the egg!” His hands darted across the three halves, switching them at bewildering speed. “Round and round they go, just like that! Now…where’s the egg? What abo... |
“I don’t know about you, but I could just do with a plate of sheep’s eyeballs, eh? I bet you boys can’t wait to be back on your camels, I know I can’t. I spit upon the defiling dogs of Ankh-Morpork. Anyone had any baksheesh lately? You can call me Al. ” “Excuse me, are you the lady who is with the clowns?” Corporal Nob... |
“It’s a long way, is it?” “No, very close. You’re practically on top of it,” said Faifal. He nudged a colleague, whose shoulders were shaking. “Oh, right. Big army, is it?” “Could easily be very big, yes. ” “Fine. Fine,” said Colon. “Er…anyone got a pencil? I could’ve sworn I had one when—” There was a noise outside th... |
“I mean, if you could get three or four men up the stairs, which you can’t, you could sort of move it a leg at a time, if you didn’t mind being kicked and bitten to death…” “All right, all right, back away from the tower, will you?” The guards were back. One of them was carrying a rolled-up carpet. “All right, all righ... |
I suspect this is a very old carpet. ” “There’s a frayed bit here,” said Beti. “Shut up,” said Colon. “Look, I can poke my finger right through—” “Shut up. ” “Notice how it kind of wobbles when you move?” “Shut up. ” “Here, look, those palm trees down there look really small. ” “Nobby, you’re scared of heights,” said C... |
“You see, if even the redoubtable Commander Vimes, who is known even to some senior Klatchian politicians as an unbendingly honest and thorough man, if somewhat lacking in intelligence…if even he protested that it was done by his own people—Well, the world is watching. The world would soon find out. Starting a war over... |
And seventeen ears (Crazy Winston would bring out his collection for a good boy who looked suitably frightened). “He wants to start a war…” Vimes had to open his mouth because otherwise there was no room to get his head around such a crazy idea. This man who everyone said was honest, noble and good wanted a war. “Oh, c... |
” “At least you will admit that the Seven Heroes of Hergen beat the Big-Footed People although outnumbered by a hundred to one?” “Yes, sir. That was a nursery story, sir. It never really happened. ” “Are you calling my nurse a liar, boy?” “No, sir,” said Lieutenant Hornett hurriedly. “Then you’ll concede that Baron Mim... |
“Then just give it a prod to get started. And when you want to stop, hit it very hard with the stick and shout ‘Huthuthut!’” “You hit it with a stick to make it stop?” “Is there any other way?” said 71-hour Ahmed. His camel looked at Vimes, and then spat in his eye. Prince Cadram and his generals surveyed the distant e... |
The foray parties had their instructions, but no one had told them what to do if they ran into the other foray party. And it was composed, after all, of men they were about to fight, and everyone knew they were treacherous greasy towel heads or perfidious untrustworthy sausage-eating madmen. And this was a battlefield.... |
Vimes snatched the crossbow. “I wouldn’t ask him to!” He took aim. “Give that order!” The Prince stared at him. “Count of three!” shouted Vimes. General Ashal leaned down and whispered something to the Prince. The man’s expression stiffened and he glanced back at Vimes again. “That’s right,” said Vimes. “It runs in the... |
“You can’t—” said the Prince. “Unconditionally?” said General Ashal sharply. “Yes, I think so,” said Vetinari. “We give up all claim to Leshp in favor of Klatch, we withdraw all troops from Klatch and our citizens from the island, and as for reparations…shall we say a quarter of a million dollars? Plus various favorabl... |
He found most of the Watch sitting out of the wind, while a wizened Klatchian woman cooked quite a complicated meal over a small fire. They all seemed to be fully alive, with the usual slight question mark in the case of Reg Shoe. “Where’ve you been, Sergeant Colon?” said Vimes. “Been sworn to secrecy about that, sir. ... |
” “And yet at the same time curiously… penetrative. ” Nobby grinned. “Good value for money, sir. A little goes a long way. ” “Not far enough, possibly?” But Nobby rusted even irony. “I got it in the same shop that sarge got the hump, sir. ” “Ah…yes. ” There wasn’t very much space in the Boat, and most of it was taken u... |
“Why should I do that?” “Treason is very nearly the ultimate crime, Sir Samuel. I think I should demand handcuffs. ” “All right, if you insist. ” Vimes nodded at Dorfl. “Cuff him, then. ” “You haven’t any shackles, by any chance?” said Lord Vetinari, as Dorfl produced a pair of handcuffs. “We may as well do this thing ... |
At least one carpet made the flight from Klatch, and there was a constant stream of messages between the palace and the embassy. A crowd still hung around outside the palace. Things were happening, and even if they did not know what they were they weren’t going to miss them. If any history was going to occur, they want... |
So I have been reminded that a word that originally meant commander was ‘Dux. ’” “Dux Vimes?” said Vimes. He heard Sybil gasp. He was aware of a waiting hush around him, such as may be found between the lighting of a fuse and the bang. He rolled the word over and over in his mind. “ Duke ?” he said. “Oh, no —Sybil, cou... |
He added, “She said she knew you’d be along. ” Colon pulled aside the waxed paper. “My word,” he said. “Special Ankh-Morpork curry,” said Mr. Goriff. “Containing yellow curry powder, big lumps of swede, green peas and soggy sultanas the—” “—size of eggs!” said Nobby. “Thank you very much,” said Colon. “How’s your lad, ... |
But that was later on—for now, gloriously uncomplicated and wonderfully clean, and hopefully with never an end, under a clear sky, in a world untarnished…there was only the chase. About the Author Terry Pratchett’s novels have sold more than thirty million (give or take a few million) copies worldwide. He lives in Engl... |
* Thinking up good names was, oddly enough, one area where Leonard of Quirm’s genius tended to give up. * Except in the particular case of Sidney Lopsides, who was paid two dollars a day from City funds to wear a sack over his head. It wasn’t that he was spectacularly deformed, as such, it was merely that anyone who sa... |
Fred Colon gave a little sigh. “Butter on the slumpie?” “You wouldn’t insult me by suggesting I’d leave it off, would you?” “A man could linger a long time over a meal like that,” said Fred. “The trouble is, the Patrician, All, gets very short about carts parking on the street for more than ten minutes. He reckons that... |
“Looks like it started in Gimlet’s Delicatessen,” said Vimes, as the rest of the Watch moved in. “Get a statement off Gimlet. ” “Not a good idea, sir,” said Carrot firmly. “He didn’t see anything. ” “How do you know he didn’t see anything? You haven’t asked him. ” “I know, sir. He didn’t see anything. He didn’t hear an... |
We couldn’t possibly supply ourselves. ” “Ah,” said Vimes. The Patrician sighed. “Obviously I hope that we may strengthen our trading links with the various nations within Uberwald,” he said. “The situation there is volatile in the extreme. Do you know much about Uberwald, Commander Vimes?” Vimes, whose knowledge of ge... |
Her general stance indicated that she was, in the specialized patois of the area, a lady in waiting. To be more precise a lady in waiting for Mr. Right, or at least Mr. Right Amount. She idly swung her handbag. This was a very recognizable signal, for anyone with the brains of a pigeon. A member of the Thieves’ Guild w... |
What’s the Low King? Why’re our dwarfs scrapping?” “Well, sir…have you heard of kruk ?” “Dwarf mining law?” said Vimes. “Well done, sir. But it’s a lot more than that. It’s about…how you live. Laws of ownership, marriage laws, inheritance, rules for dealing with disputes of all kinds, that sort of thing. Everything, re... |
” Vimes continued to stare at a point just above the fireplace. “We’ll have to host a party ourselves, I expect, so we ought to take a cartload of typical Ankh-Morpork food. Show the flag, you know. Do you think I should take a cook along?” “Yes, dear. That would be a good idea. No one outside the city knows how to mak... |
* Worse, they were now finding that among their sons were some—they choked on the word—“daughters. ” Cheery was only the frothy bit on the tip of the wave. Some younger dwarfs were shyly wearing eye shadow and declaring that, as a matter of fact, they didn’t like beer. A current was running through dwarf society. Dwarf... |
“Then there’s the way you krazak your G’ardrgh ,” said Corporal Littlebottom. “I won’t even ask,” said Vimes. “I’m afraid I can’t explain in any case,” said Cheery. “Have I got a Gaadrerghuh?” said Vimes. Cheery winced at the mispronunciation. “Yes, sir. Everyone has. But only a dwarf can krazak his properly,” she said... |
” “I heard about dem. ” “There’s still wars with trolls up near the Hub, I hear. Tact and diplomacy will be called for. ” “You have come to der right troll for that, sir,” said Detritus. “You did push that man through that wall last week, Detritus. ” “It was done with tact, sir. Quite a fin wall. ” Vimes let it go at t... |
He could be twenty-five and a big worrier, or a fresh-faced forty. Vimes inclined to the former—the man had the look of someone who had spent his life watching the world over the top of a book. And there was that…well, was it a nervous laugh? A giggle? An unfortunate way of clearing his throat? And that strange way he ... |
Time, in his experience, moved more like rocks…sliding, pressing, building up force underground and then, with one jerk that shakes the crockery, a whole field of turnips has mysteriously slipped sideways by six feet. Semaphore had been around for centuries, and everyone knew that knowledge had a value, and everyone kn... |
” Leonard still seemed to have something on his mind. “It would be so easy to make them archdemonically diff—” “But these will suffice, Leonard,” said Vetinari. “My lord,” Leonard almost wailed, “I really cannot guarantee that sufficiently clever people will be unable to read your messages!” “Good. ” “But, my lord, the... |
A note was clipped to the next page. He read: “The Fifth Elephant as a metaphor also appears in the Uberwald languages. Depending on context it can mean ‘a thing which does not exist’ (as we would say ‘Klatchian mist’) ‘a thing which is other than it seems’ and ‘a thing which, while unseen, controls events’ (in the sam... |
When it came to staring fixedly at one thing, you couldn’t beat a gargoyle. The gargoyles were getting a lot of employment in the clacks industry. Constable Visit quite enjoyed the pigeons. He sang them hymns. They listened to short homilies, cocking their heads from side to side. After all, he reasoned, had not Bishop... |
Whenever someone walked by it sat up on its hind legs and whined pitifully. Something landed in the cap. It was a washer. The charitable pedestrian had gone only a few steps farther along the road when he heard: “And I hope your legs falls off, mister. ” He turned. The dog was watching him intently. “Woof?” it said. He... |
Always a big clear-out of the pens first thing Friday morning. ” “You can follow the smell?” Gaspode rolled his eyes. “With my head in a bucket. ” “Good. Let’s go. ” “So,” said Gaspode, as they began to leave the gate’s bustle behind, “We’re chasing this girl, right?” “Yes. ” “Just you?” “Yes. ” “Not like with dogs, th... |
Unmistakably. ” “Yes, I think I understand. ” “And this is just Words. In Smell, it’s a lot more, well, emphatic. ” “Thank you for that, Gaspode. And they’re heading…” “Still straight for the mountains, boss,” said Gaspode, as kindly as he could. He wasn’t certain of the details of human sexual relationships, and the o... |
Even from here he could see the scaffolding, as workers feverishly attached still more gantries and paddles to the main tower. The whole thing would likely be matchsticks after the next hurricane, but by then the owners would probably have earned enough to build another five. Or fifty. It had all happened so fast. Who’... |
There’s forty-one this morning, Constable. And they’re locked in the cupboard. Can you explain that?” If Visit had been suicidal and honest, he had said: Well, Captain, while of course I think you have many worthy qualities, I have known you to count your fingers twice and come up with different answers. “Er…mice?” he ... |
It can do that, when people are promoted. So if there’s any trouble like that, I want the sugar-stealing person reported to me right away, understand?” “Yessir!” Nobby’s feet had almost left the ground. “And I shall rely on you, Corporal, to let me know if Sergeant Flint has any trouble. ” “Sergeant Flint,” said Nobby,... |
“Pursuing the business of your recent career with, I have to admit, some considerable and growing fascination, I am moved to ask you why the Watch now appears to have a staff of twenty. ” “Sah?” “You had around sixty a little while ago, I’m sure. ” Colon mopped his face. “Cutting out the dead wood, sah! Making the Watc... |
“It’ll get torn limb from limb!” “Well? Do you care what happens to a wolf?” Laughter broke out again. The deputy mayor had a feeling he was being got at. “It’s your dog, mister,” he said, shrugging. The little dog barked. “And to make it interesting, we’ll wager a pound of steak,” said Carrot. The dog barked again. “T... |
“I wouldn’t have mentioned it, but you did ask…” Gaspode stopped and whined for a moment, trying to convey the message that he was losing his voice due to lack of chicken. “Er…there’s been a lot on the howl about Angua,” he went on, when Carrot seemed unable to take the hint. “Er…they think she’s bad news. ” “Why? She’... |
That was why, when the case’s lock went click , he laid it down on the shaking roof with its lid opening away from him and, leaning back, carefully lifted the lid with his boot. A long blade flicked out. It would have terminally ruined the digestion of a casual thief. Someone obviously expected very bad hotel security ... |
He’d never seen it remove a head. “Everybody stop!” Sybil was pushed out of the coach. Behind her, a man stepped out. He was holding a crossbow. “Your Grace Vimes!” he shouted. The word bounced back and forth between the cliffs. “I know you’re here, Your Grace Vimes! And here is your lady! And there are many of us! Com... |
“You left me alone surrounded by enemies,” said Inigo, but without much accusation in his tone. “Why should I care what happens to a bunch of bandits?” said Vimes. “You are an Assassin. ” “How did you find out? Mmm?” “A copper watches the way people walk. The Klatchians say a man’s leg is his second face, did you know ... |
“No, they were,” said Angua. “They thought you were a bloody fool. I heard it on the howl. And they were right! You haven’t eaten anything for three days! And up here, winter doesn’t drop a few hints over a month or so. It turns up in one night! Why were you so stupid ?” Gaspode looked around the clearing, Angua had re... |
’ We’re close to the Shmaltzberg fat layers now, and…well, it’s nourishing and keeps out the cold. ” “How very…interesting. ” Lady Sybil looked at her husband. He hadn’t taken his eyes off Inigo. The door opened and Detritus ducked inside, banging snow off his knuckles. “It’s not too bad,” he said. “Dey say it’d be a g... |
So we’ve got a new honor guard, he thought, as he ran in the center of a wall of blurred gray legs. Wolves we haven’t met before. I just hope the howl added “doesn’t taste nice. ” Then Carrot fell over in the snow. It was a moment before he pushed himself up again. The wolves circled uncertainly, occasionally glancing ... |
They were not like those of Ankh-Morpork, which had become at first a barrier to expansion and then a source of masonry for it. These had an inside and an outside. There were castles on the hills. There were castles on most hills in these parts. And there were high gates across the road. Detritus thumped on the side of... |
” “I don’t think you can actually demand that , sir—” “Those lads had old Burleigh and Stronginthearm weapons, Mister Skimmer. Made in Ankh-Morpork. So did the men on the gate. Trade, Mister Skimmer. Isn’t that part of what diplomacy is all about? You go back and talk to whoever’s in the black carriage, and then you’d ... |
“He did not vouchthafe to me where he wath going. Do go inthide, and I will thee to the baggage. ” Vimes glanced up. A little bit of snow was falling now, but there was enough light to see that, across the whole courtyard, was an iron mesh. With the bolted doors and the walls of the building all around, they were in a ... |
You didn’t need the brains of Detritus in a snowdrift to suspect a connection. A recollection nagged at him. Someone had said something and he’d thought it odd at the time but then something else had happened and it had gone out of his mind. Something about…a welcome to Bonk. Only… Well, he was here. No doubt about tha... |
” “Well, Detritus is staying here to keep an eye on her, all right? She said this morning she really thinks this place would be better for some decent carpet, and there’s no stopping her when she’s in a tape-measure mood. I’ll take Cheery and one of the lads from outside, for the look of the thing. I assume you’re comi... |
” The figure swept away. One of the other dwarfs prodded Vimes very gently, indicating that he should follow. The sound from far below redoubled. Someone was yelling. “Is there some problem?” said Vimes, catching up with the fast-moving Dee. “We have no problems. ” Ah, he’s already lied to me, thought Vimes. We’re bein... |
He was slightly shorter than average for dwarfs, and dressed in the usual almost-uniform of leather and home-forged chain mail. He looked old, but dwarfs started looking old around the age of five years and were still looking old three hundred years later, and he had that musical cadence to his speech that Vimes associ... |
It was an honorable trade but, at least to start with, it didn’t run in families. They didn’t have families. Who’d marry a knockerman? They were dead dwarfs walking. But sometimes a young dwarf would ask to become one; his family would be proud, wave him goodbye, and then speak of him as if he were dead, because that m... |
Igor put down a plate of biscuits and shuffled out of the room. “Did I? No, I don’t think I could possibly have said that. It’s not the diplomatic thing to say,” said Lady Margolotta smoothly. “I’m sure ve all support the new Low King, the choice of dvarfdom in general, even if they thought they vere getting a traditio... |
“Hah. Yes,” she said. “Can I get Igor to fetch you a drink?” “No, thank you. ” She sat down on one of the overstuffed chairs and beamed at him. “You’ve met the new king, Your Excellency?” “This morning. ” “I believe he’s having trouble. ” “What makes you think that?” said Vimes. Serafine looked startled. “I thought eve... |
And werewolves…well, never had a problem with werewolves. So why is the only person who hasn’t tried to blow me out this morning the blood-sucking vampire?” “I don’t know, sir. ” “Big fireplace they had. ” “Werewolves like to sleep in front of the fire at night, sir,” said Cheery. “The baron certainly didn’t seem comfo... |
An enemy would find it hard to break in or set fire to it, there was enough storage room inside to see out a siege, and the enemy would be aware that the lads inside would have signaled for help thirty seconds after the attack began. The company had money. They were like the coaching agents in that respect. If a tower ... |
He was still, in his spare time, organizer of the Campaign for Dead Rights, and he knew how this sort of thing went. “No, no, no, no, no ,” he said. “You’ve got to get it a lot simpler than that. It’s got to have bounce. And rhythm. Like ‘Whadda we want? Dum -dee- dum -dee. When do we want it? Now!’ See? You need one s... |
It burst into flame when he carried it out at the top of the tower, and he directed them into the touch hole at the base of the tube. The mortar fired with a phut that was lost in the wind. The flare itself tumbled invisibly up into the snow and then, a few seconds later, exploded a hundred feet overhead, casting a bri... |
“A way to stop being at war? Anyway, I understand it’s been going on for five hundred years, so obviously no one is trying very hard. ” “There will be complaints at the very highest level!” Vimes sighed. “More?” he said. “Some are saying Ankh-Morpork is deliberately flaunting its wickedness at the king!” “The king?” sa... |
“If you weigh more going out than going in, the guards will want to know why. It is unavoidable, it is still accurate to within a few ounces, and does not violate privacy. The only way to beat it would be to fly. Can thieves fly, Your Excellency?” “Depends on which sort,” said Vimes absently. “Who else goes in there?” ... |
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