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' 'I got,' said Granny, 'three little pictures of kings and suchlike and three of them funny number one cards. ' The three men beamed and winked at one another. 'That's Triple Onion!' said the one who had introduced Granny to the table, and who had turned out to be called Mister Frank. 'And that's good, is it?' said Gr...
'I seem to recall she come over and helped you out when you had that spot of plague in your village,' she said. 'Worked the clock around, I recall. Never known her not treat someone ill who needed it, even when they, you know, were pretty oozy. And when the big ole troll that lives under Broken Mountain came down for h...
Dust billowed off his clothes. 'Wake up,' she demanded. 'Fzhtft,' said the soldier, and slumped back. ' It's like that everywhere,' said Magrat, fighting her way through a thicket of bracken that was growing up from the kitchen regions. 'There's the cooks all snoring and nothing but mould in the pots! There's even mice...
'And what good would that be? Cutting your way through a bit of bramble is how you can tell he's going to be a good husband, is it? That's fairy godmotherly thinking, that is! Goin' around inflicting happy endings on people whether they wants them or not, eh?' 'There's nothing wrong with happy endings,' said Magrat hot...
'Put it like this, ma'am,' she said, in a despotically reasonable tone of voice, 'how would you like to be eaten alive by a wolf?' 'I don't think I would like that, dear, no,' said the hidden grandmother. 'The alternative's us,' said Granny. 'Lawks. Are you sure?' 'On our word as fairies,' said Fairy Hedgehog. 'Well. R...
Just occasionally, when the hunter was about to make a kill, the random streams of thought came together. But this was different. This was the opposite- this was cracked and crippled attempts at cogitation peeling away from the sleek arrowhead of predatory intent. This was a predatory mind trying to think. No wonder it...
' He managed to move his head a fraction. Granny Weatherwax smiled. 'There!' she said, standing up and brushing a speck of leafmould off her dress. 'You see how sweet life can be, if we all helps one another?' The witches left around lunchtime. By then the old woman's garden was full of people, and the air with the sou...
It was an old, worm-eaten signpost right on the edge of the forest. The end of the arm had been carved into the likeness of a pointing finger. 'A proper road, too,' Nanny burbled on. The row cooled a bit, simply because both sides were not talking to each other. Not simply not exchanging vocal communication - that's ju...
'Nanny,' she said slowly, when she was back in the kitchen, 'there's some dwarfs outside who want your boots. ' Nanny looked up. She'd found a stale loaf in a cupboard and was industriously chewing. It was amazing what you'd eat if the alternative was dwarf bread. 'What d'they want 'em for?' she said. 'Didn't say. They...
Genua had once controlled the river mouth and taxed its traffic in a way that couldn't be called piracy because it was done by the city government, and therefore sound economics and perfectly all right. And the swamps and lakes back in the delta provided the crawling, swimming and flying ingredients of a cuisine that w...
' She and Magrat grasped Granny's elbows firmly and propelled her under the archway before her fuse burned out. Granny Weatherwax always held that you ought to count up to ten before losing your temper. No-one knew why, because the only effect of this was to build up the pressure and make the ensuing explosion a whole ...
'What did you do to his drink?' she said. 'You ain't old enough to be tole,' said Nanny. At home, if a witch wanted a table to herself it. just happened. The sight of the pointy hat was enough. People kept a polite distance, occasionally sending free drinks to her. Even Magrat got respect, not particularly because anyo...
Magrat considered her next move. She was pretty sure that fairy godmothers weren't supposed to leave a little card pushed under the door saying something like 'Called today but you were out, please contact the depot for a further appointment. ' Anyway, this wasn't the kind of house that got left empty; there would be a...
It's as if there's some special morphic generator dedicated to the production of old women who like a laugh and aren't averse to the odd pint, especially of some drink normally sold in very small glasses. You find them all over the place, often in pairs. * They tend to attract one another. Possibly they broadcast inaud...
'I don't reckon,' she said, 'that many people goes away without paying. ' 'No. ' After another pause Nanny Ogg said: 'I 'spects some of 'em tries to pay with gold and jewels and scented ungulants and stuff like that?' 'No. ' 'Amazin'. ' Nanny Ogg sat in silence for a while, listening to the distant noises of the market...
older? Apparently you were at my christening?' 'Ah. Yes?' said Magrat. 'Well, you see, the thing is - ' 'Still, I expect you can look like whatever you want,' said Ella helpfully. 'Ah. Yes. Er. ' Ella looked slightly puzzled for a moment, as if trying to work out why - if Magrat could look like whatever she wanted - sh...
The air grew heavier, just as it does before a storm. "This used to be a great old city. A happy place. No-one tried to make it happy. It just happened, all by itself,' said Airs Gogol. 'That was when the old Baron was alive. But he was murdered. ' 'Who done it?' said Nanny Ogg. 'Everyone knows it was the Duc,' said Ai...
'She means my sister, Gytha! Right? Got that? Do you understand? Did you hear? My sister! Want me to repeat it again? Want to know who she's talking about? You want me to write it down? My sister! That's who! My sisterV 'They're sisters?' said Magrat. Her tea had gone cold. 'I don't know,' said Ella. 'They look. . . al...
Granny turned her head. 'What about you, Miss?' Ella shook her head without looking up. 'No,' she said, 'I mustn't come. ' Granny's eyes narrowed. 'I suppose not,' she said. 'We all have our path to walk, or so it is said, although not by me. Come, Gytha. ' 'We're just off,' said Nanny Ogg, brightly. They turned. Anoth...
It could do all that the magical knife could do, plus you could also use it to cut bread. Every established kitchen has one ancient knife, its handle worn thin, its blade curved like a banana, and so inexplicably sharp that reaching into the drawer at night is like bobbing for apples in a piranha tank. Magrat had hers ...
'It's a million to one chance, yes,' said Nanny Ogg happily. Lilith de Tempscire smiled at herself in the double mirror. 'Oh deary me,' she said. 'No coach, no dress, no horses. What is a poor old godmother to do? Deary me. And probably lawks. ' She opened a small leather case, such as a musician might use to carry his...
' She winced at the taste of them in her own head. 'I bet,' said Granny, thoughtfully, as the coach skidded around the corner, 'I bet I could make the wheels fall right off. ' 'That's not the way,' said Magrat. 'Anyway, Ella's in there!' 'There may be another way,' said Nanny. 'I know someone who could get inside them ...
' 'Is she the woman who lives out in the swamp?' said Ella. 'I've heard all kinds of stories about her. ' 'She's a bit too ready to turn dead people into zombies,' said Granny. 'And that's not right. ' 'Well, we just turned a cat into a person - I mean, a human person' - Nanny, inveterate cat lover, corrected herself- ...
'The Honourable Douglas Incessant!' The time was a quarter to eight. Magrat had a vague recollection of some old woman shouting something about the time, but. . . that didn't matter either. . . 'Lady Volentia D'Arrangement!' She reached the top of the stairs. The butler who was announcing the arrivals looked her up and...
They're going to meet one another and - ' 'But there's hundreds of other people,' said Granny. 'It's hardly what you'd call intimate. ' 'Yes. . . but even the thought of him, you know, even touching her. I mean, it'd be like holding a -* 'Does Ella count as a princess, d'you think?' said Granny. 'What? Oh. Yeah. Probab...
"This is,' she turned the card round, her lips moving wonderingly, 'Sir, Roger the Coverley?' 'Ma'am?' Granny Weatherwax looked around. A plump military man with big whiskers was bowing to her. He looked as though he'd enjoyed quite a few jokes in his time. 'Yes?' 'You promised me the honour of this dance, m'lady?' 'No...
It just meant that she didn't have any truck with words, especially gibberish. She just knew that there were certain things that happened continually in human history, like three-dimensional cliches. Stories. 'And now we're part of it! And I can't stop it,' said Granny. 'There's got to be a place where I can stop it, a...
Although Magrat was soft-hearted, a compulsive daydreamer and, as Granny Weatherwax put it, a wet hen, she wouldn't be a witch if she didn't have certain instincts and the sense to trust them. She reached up and, before his hands could move, tweaked the things away. Magrat had seen eyes like that before, but never on s...
He had the wrong kind of throat. In a minute he was going to wake up in a bad temper and want to fight something. Mrs Pleasant got on with her own supper. Despite the fact that a hulking great man had just eaten a bowl offish heads and lapped a saucer of milk in front of her, and was now stretched out uncomfortably in ...
'So I think I shall have you put away somewhere until this has run its course. And then. . . can you guess what I'm going to do next? 'I'm going to expect you to escape. Because, after all, I am the good one. ' Ella walked cautiously through the moonlit swamp, following the strutting shape of Legba. She was aware of mo...
'Where'd we leave him?' 'Oh, he's only a cat,' said Granny Weatherwax. 'Cats know how to look after themselves. ' 'He's really just a big softie - ' Nanny began, before someone started pulling down the wall. A hole appeared. A grey hand appeared and grasped another stone. There was a strong smell of river mud. Rock cru...
It hit his hat and burst off it like a firework. 'Stupid, stupid!' muttered Granny. 'She's seen it doesn't work and she's still trying it!' 'I thought you weren't on her side,' said Magrat. 'I ain't! But I don't like to see people being stupid. That kind of stuff's no use, Magrat Garlick, even you can. . . oh, no, sure...
Just remind me again- we're playin' for Lily, right? And for the city?' 'What does that matter now?' said Mrs Gogol. 'Ain't you going to give in?' Granny Weatherwax thrust a little finger into her ear and wiggled it thoughtfully. 'No,' she said. 'No, I don't reckon that's what I do now. Are you watchin', Mrs Gogol? Are...
Granny Weatherwax had always wondered: what was supposed to be so special about a full moon? It was only a big circle of light. And the dark of the moon was only darkness. But half-way between the two, when the moon was between the worlds of light and dark, when even the moon lived on the edge. . . maybe then a witch c...
'Slow down a bit, I should,' she said. 'But she could be hurt -!' 'So could you, if you trip. Anyway,' said Nanny, 'I don't reckon Esme is lyin' in a crumpled heap somewhere. That's not the way she'd go. I reckon she did it just to make sure Lily forgot about us and wouldn't try anything on us. I reckon she thought we ...
Airs Pleasant stared at it for a while. She was a close personal friend of Mrs Gogol and knew that shape is merely a matter of deeply-ingrained personal habit, and if you're a resident of Genua around Samedi Nuit Mort you learn to trust your judgement rather more than you trust your senses. 'Well now,' she said, with b...
' 'The pomegranates suit you,' said Magrat. 'And the lemons,' said Nanny Ogg. 'Eh? You two ain't laughing at me, are you?' said Granny Weatherwax suspiciously. 'Would you like to have a look?' said Magrat. 'I have a mirror somewhere. . . ' The silence descended like an axe. Magrat went red. Nanny Ogg glared at her. The...
It’s not a face you can talk to. Open your mouth and you’re suddenly the focus of a penetrating stare which declares: what you’re about to say had better be interesting. Now the eight little stones on their little hill are being subjected to the same penetrating gaze. Hmm. And then she approaches, cautiously. It’s not ...
He smelled wet horse as it was led into the forge, hooves clattering on the stones. “There’s tea brewing on the forge and our Dreen done us some biscuits in the tin with A Present from Ankh-Morpork on it. ” THANK YOU. I TRUST YOU ARE WELL. “Yes, m’lord. I done the shoes already. Won’t hold you up long. I know you’re…ve...
Skindle, get the spiders out of the chimney, fish the frogs out of the well, and generally get back into the business of minding everyone’s business for them because there’d be no telling what business people’d get up to without a witch around… But she could afford an hour with her feet up first. There was a robin’s ne...
I’ve really been getting interested in agricultural improvement and soil efficiency. We’ll really have to get cracking on this new three-field system. ” Magrat was caught off balance. “But I think we’ve only got three fields,” she said, “and there isn’t much soil in—” “It’s very important to maintain the correct relati...
“What’s that meant to mean?” Magrat demanded. “You probably won’t feel the same way about Them, is what I am saying,” said Granny. “We’re talking about the—” Nanny Ogg began. “Don’t name ’em!” “Yeah, right. Sorry. ” “Mind you, a circle might not find the Dancers,” said Granny. “We can always hope. Could be just random....
Admittedly a dozen people lived in the palace, which had a huge number of rooms, but she’d still be under the same roof, and that was good enough. Or bad enough. That was before. Now her blood was sizzling. Let people talk. She had a pretty good idea which people they’d be, too. Which person, anyway. Witch person. Hah....
Witches generally act as layers-out of the dead as well as midwives; there were plenty of people in Lancre for whom Nanny Ogg’s face had been the first and last thing they’d ever seen, which had probably made all the bit in the middle seem quite uneventful by comparison. “Right through,” she said. “Stabbed right throug...
“Damn things turning up everywhere this year,” said the Archchancellor. He hadn’t taken his hat off to eat the meal. This was because it was holding down a poultice of honey and horse manure and a small mouse-powered electrostatic generator he’d got those clever young fellas in the High Energy Magic research building t...
” Ridcully was having difficulty with the Librarian. “I happen to be your Archchancellor, sir!” “Oook. ” “You’ll like it up there! Fresh air! Bags of trees! More woods than you can shake a stick at!” “Oook!” “Come down this minute!” “Oook!” “The books’ll be quite safe here during the holidays. Good grief, it’s hard eno...
“How many of these gels are there, then?” she said. “Bout half a dozen. But they’m good at it, Mum. ” “Yeah?” “And it ain’t as if they’ve been doing anything bad. ” Nanny Ogg stared reflectively at the glow in the forge. There was a bottomless quality to Nanny Ogg’s silences. And also a certain directional component. J...
Granny Weatherwax rubbed her ears. “Shove the po under it, will you, Gytha?” she mumbled. “They’re a devil for excusing themselves on the carpet. ” Nanny unearthed the shyest article of Granny Weatherwax’s bedroom crockery and moved it across the rug with her foot. “I brought you a cup of tea,” she said. “Good job, too...
She wished she had the nerve to have a dagger-and-skull tattoo on her arm like Amanita did, even if it was only in ordinary ink and she had to wash it off every night in case her mother saw it. A tiny, nasty voice from Perdita’s inner self suggested that Amanita wasn’t a good choice of name. Or Perdita, for that matter...
You didn’t see us in. ” The door slammed back. “Simple psychokinesis,” said Diamanda. “Oh, well. That’s all right then,” said Granny Weatherwax, disappearing into the night. “Explains it all, that does. ” There used to be such simple directions, back in the days before they invented parallel universes—Up and Down, Righ...
It wasn’t much of a garden. There were the Herbs, and the soft fruit bushes, a bit of lawn and, of course, the beehives. And it was open to the woods. The local wildlife knew better than to invade a witch’s garden. Granny opened the door carefully. The moon was setting. Pale silver light turned the world into monochrom...
Diamanda says you don’t understand, she says they won’t be trying to outstare one another…” Magrat was bored. She’d never been bored when she was a witch. Permanently bewildered and overworked yes , but not bored. She kept telling herself it’d probably be better when she really was queen, although she couldn’t quite se...
“Couldn’t say,” she said at last. “Kings are a bit magical, mind. They can cure dandruff and that. Probably he woke up one morning and his royal prerogative gave him a tickle. ” The trouble with Nanny Ogg was that she always looked as if she was lying. Nanny Ogg had a pragmatic attitude to the truth; she told it if it ...
” “Oh, that girl. Oh, she turned me down. Said there were things she wanted to do. Said there’d be time enough. ” There was another pause. “What happened then?” Ponder prompted. “Happened? What d’you think happened? I went off and studied. Term started. Wrote her a lot of letters but she never answered ’em. Probably ne...
He had quite a powerful intellect, but it was powerful like a locomotive, and ran on rails and was therefore almost impossible to steer. There are indeed such things as parallel universes, although parallel is hardly the right word—universes swoop and spiral around one another like some mad weaving machine or a squadro...
It fainted at the sight of blood. And about twenty wowhawks could kill a pigeon, if it was a sick pigeon. She’d spent an hour with one on her wrist. It had wheezed at her, and eventually it had dozed off upside down. But at least Hodgesaargh had a job to do. The castle was full of people doing jobs. Everyone had someth...
But they weren’t her déjà vus. She was getting them for the first time, as it were—flashes of memory that couldn’t have existed. Couldn’t have existed. She was Esme Weatherwax, sane as a brick, always had been, she’d never been— There was a knock at the door. She blinked, glad to be free of those thoughts. It took her ...
They’d seen through the buggers in the end, of course, but it had been a close thing. And there’d been a lot of witches in those days. They’d been able to stop them at every turn, make life in this world too hot for them. Fought them with iron. Nothing elvish could stand iron. It blinded them, or something. Blinded the...
There was a ring of riders waiting a little way from the stones, with the Queen slightly ahead. Every witch knew her, or the shape of her. Diamanda tripped and fell, and then managed to bring herself up to a kneeling position. Granny stopped. The Queen’s horse whinnied. “Kneel before your Queen, you,” said the elf. She...
” Granny sat down with her chin on her knees. Her shoulders ached. “Got to get me breath back,” she said. Images swam in the forefront of her mind. Here it came again. She knew there were such things as alternative futures, after all, that’s what the future meant. But she’d never heard of alternative pasts. She could r...
Verence was distantly visible behind the silver candlesticks and a pile of account books. Occasionally they looked up and smiled at each other. At least, it looked like a smile but it was a little hard to be sure at this distance. Apparently he’d just said something. Magrat cupped her hands around her mouth. “Pardon?” ...
The chieftain had been turned into a pumpkin although, in accordance with the rules of universal humor, he still had his hat on. “And now,” said Ridcully, “I’d be obliged if all you fellows hidin’ behind the rocks and things would just step out where I can see you. Very good. Mr. Stibbons, you and the Librarian just pa...
” “Are you all right, Mistress Weatherwax?” said the king, his voice taut with sudden worry. “Fine, fine. Fine. In the castle. And the children are all right, too?” “Sorry?” She blinked again. “What?” “You don’t look well…” Granny screwed up her face and shook her head. “Yes. The castle. I’m me, you’re you, Gytha’s ups...
Blast that girl! She’s got a way in. She’s everywhere. Everywhere I look with my mind, I can smell her. ” “Everything’s going to be all right,” said Nanny, patting her on the shoulder. “You’ll see. ” “She’s looking for a way,” Granny repeated. “Good morrow, brothers, and wherehap do we whist this merry day?” said Carte...
“AAaaaaeeeeeee—” Three flowerpots outside the door cracked, one after the other. Shrapnel whizzed past Mr. Skindle’s ear. “—wizzaaardsah staaafff has a knobontheend, knobontheend—” He threw the goat through the doorway and leapt after it. His wife was waiting, and slammed the door shut behind him. The whole family, inc...
“Smells like snow,” said Carter. “Oh, yeah,” said Baker. “That’s right. Snow at midsummer. That’s what they get where the sun don’t shine. ” “Shutup, shutup, shutup,” said Jason. “What’s up with you?” “It’s wrong! We shouldn’t be up here! Can’t you feel it?” “Oh, sit down, man,” said Weaver. “It’s fine. Can’t feel noth...
Of course she wanted to marry Verence, even with his weak chin and slightly runny eyes. In the pit of the night Magrat knew that she was in no position to be choosy, and getting a king in the circumstances was a stroke of luck. It was just that she had preferred him when he’d been a Fool. There’s something about a man ...
“Hah! If I had a penny for every time they threw me out of there, I’d have…five dollars and thirty-eight pence. And over there is the old forge, and there’s Mrs. Persifleur’s, where I had lodgings. See that peak up there? That’s Copperhead, that is. I climbed that one day with old Carbonaceous the troll. Oh, great days...
“I’m going to get some stick from our Eva when I get home,” moaned Carter. “You might not,” said Thatcher, who was on his hands and knees looking for his hat. “Maybe when you gets ’ome she’ll have married someone else, eh?” “Maybe a hundred years’ll have gone past,” said Carter, hopefully. “Cor, I hope so,” said Weaver...
” Millie backed away a bit more. “I expect it’s nerves, ma’am,” she gabbled. “Everyone feels nervous on the day before their wedding. Shall I…shall I see if I can make you some herbal—” “I’m not nervous! And I can do my own herbal tea if I happen to want any!” “Cook’s very particular who goes into the herb garden, ma’a...
There were wars of annexation that went on for years just because someone wanted a place to keep the coal. Lancre was one of the biggest kingdoms. It could actually afford a standing army. * Kings and queens and various sub-orders of aristocracy were even now streaming over Lancre bridge, watched by a sulking and soaki...
And there was me putting all those destination spells on them too,” he said. He gave her a critical up-and-down glance. “How much do you weigh, Esme? Not a spare ounce on you, I’ll be bound. ” “What do you want to know for?” “Indulge an old man. ” “Nine stones, then. ” “Hmm…should be about right…three miles hubward…you...
” “Hah! And what about you? I’d have put up with all your womanizing and drunkenness, would I?” Ridcully looked bewildered. “What womanizing?” “We’re talking about what might have been. ” “But I’m a wizard! We hardly ever womanize. There’s laws about it. Well…rules. Guidelines, anyway. ” “But you wouldn’t have been a w...
Shawn was standing guard at the main gate, surreptitiously practicing karate chops on the evening air. He stopped and looked embarrassed as Nanny Ogg approached. “Wish I was going to the Entertainment, Mum. ” “I daresay the king will be very generous to you come payday on account of your duty,” said Nanny Ogg. “Remind ...
There should have been weeks of choosing the material, and fittings, and changing her mind, and changing the material, and changing the pattern, and more fittings… …although of course she was her own woman and didn’t need that kind of thing at all… …but she should have had the choice. It was white silk, with a tasteful...
But there was also the roar of bees circling the hive. They were angry, and on guard. There was a series of small weirs just on the borders of Lancre. Granny Weatherwax hauled herself up on to the damp woodwork, and squelched to the bank where she emptied her boots. After a while a pointy wizard’s hat drifted downriver...
” “Between two places where you’re not lost, d’you mean?” “I keep tellin’ you, I ain’t lost! I’m…directionally challenged. ” “Hah!” But it was a fact about Esme Weatherwax, he had to admit. She might be lost, and he had reason to suspect this was the case now, unless there were in this forest two trees with exactly the...
After a few minutes there was a scrabbling at the lock, such as might be made by someone trying to manipulate a key held in several thicknesses of cloth, so as not to come into contact with the iron. The door began to open, and wedged up against the bed. “Will you not step outside, lady?” The door creaked again. “Will ...
Around the next corner— Without her apparently willing it, the hand holding the broken wood came up, moving slowly back. She stepped to the corner and stabbed in one movement. There was a triumphant hiss which turned into a screech as the wood scraped down the side of the waiting elf’s neck. It reeled away. Magrat bolt...
And finally it returned. Slowly. Deeply. Deliberately. Greebo saw Magrat, who he’d always put down as basically a kind of mouse in human shape, lift the hat with the wings on it and put it on her head. Magrat knew all about the power of hats. In her mind’s ear she could hear the rattle of the chariots. “Lady? We will b...
The elf stopped moving, and focused all its attention on her. “Now,” said Magrat, conversationally, “I’m not going to lie to you about your chances, because you haven’t got any. I’m going to ask you some questions. But first of all, I’m going to get your attention. ” The elf was expecting it, and managed to roll aside ...
She’s still going to die. She’s just probably going to die bravely. I wish my mum was here. Magrat finished rolling up the stained remnant of the wedding dress and stowed it in the sack. “Have we got any horses?” “There’s…elf horses in the courtyard, miss. But I don’t think you’ll be able to ride one. ” It struck Shawn...
“Well…well…well…” He caught the look on Magrat’s face, and sagged. “We done the play,” he said. “I told ’em, let’s do the Stick and Bucket Dance instead, but they were set on this play. And it all started all right and then, and then, and then…suddenly They were there, hundreds of ’em, and everyone was runnin’, and som...
She stirred the debris with her foot. Glass tinkled. “That vase was a present from Esme,” she said, to the unfeeling world in general. “Never liked it much. ” “Why’d they do it?” said Casanunda, looking around. “Oh, they’d smash the world if they thought it’d make a pretty noise,” said Nanny. She stepped outside again ...
” “It’s a bit more complicated than that,” said Nanny, pushing through the bushes. “Here it’s the landscape saying: I’ve got a great big tonker. That’s a dwarf word, is it?” “Yes. ” “It’s a good word. ” Casanunda tried to untangle himself from a briar. “Esme doesn’t ever come up here,” said Nanny, from somewhere up ahe...
But they were enough to show a huge sprawled figure lying by another bowl of hot stones. It looked up. Antlers moved in the damp, clinging heat. “Ah. Mrs. Ogg. ” The voice was like chocolate. “Y’lordship,” said Nanny. “I suppose it is too much to expect you to kneel?” “Yes indeed, y’honor,” said Nanny, grinning. “You k...
She knew she was being watched, and it almost came as a relief when three elves stepped out from under the trees before she’d even lost sight of the castle. The middle one grinned. “Good evening, girl,” it said. “My name is Lord Lankin, and you will curtsy when you talk to me. ” The tone suggested that there was absolu...
” The Librarian flared his nostrils. Magrat didn’t know much about jungles, but she thought about apes in trees, smelling the rank of the tiger. Apes never admired the sleek of the fur and the burn of the eye, because they were too well aware of the teeth of the mouth. “Yes,” she said, “I expect they would. Dwarfs and ...
He said that in times to come people would look back on this day, whatever the date was, and proudly show their scars, at least those who’d survived would show their scars, and be very proud and probably have drinks bought for them. He advised people to imitate the action of the Lancre Reciprocating Fox and stiffen som...
” “And I’m sure you think about it…in those long evenings when there’s no company but the ticking of the clock and the coldness of the room and you open the box and look at—” The Queen waved a hand vaguely as Granny tried to break free. “Don’t kill her,” she said. “She is much more fun alive. ” Magrat stuck the sword i...
” “You noticed that, did you?” said Granny. “Gytha meant well, I expect. Daft old biddy. Mind if I sit down?” “Of course you may,” said the Queen. “You are an old woman now, after all. ” She nodded to the elves. Granny subsided gratefully on to a rock, her hands still tied behind her. “That’s the thing about witchcraft...
Magrat heard the voice clearly in her head. “You want to be queen?” And she was free. She felt the weariness drop away from her and it also felt as though pure Queen Ynci poured out of the helmet. More bees rained down, covering the slumped figure of the old witch. The Queen turned, and her smile froze as Magrat straig...
Then he pulled at the nail a few times, and watched it fly back to the stone. “Oook. ” He looked up into the eyes of Jason Ogg. Much to Jason’s surprise, the orang-utan winked. Sometimes, if you pay real close attention to the pebbles you find out about the ocean. The clock ticked. In the chilly morning gloom of Granny...
Granny eyed it hungrily, and then looked at the bees that were taking off from her head like planes from a stricken carrier. “Pour a dzzrop of water on it, then, and tip it out on the table for them. ” She stared triumphantly at their faces as Nanny Ogg bustled off. “I done it with beezzz! No one can do it with beezzz,...
The Librarian was chatting to Ponder and the Bursar. He looked around as Carter prodded him. “You’ve been over to Slice, then, have you?” he said, in his cheery open way. The Librarian gave him a look of polite incomprehension. “Oook?” Carter looked perplexed. “That’s where you put your nut, ain’t it?” The Librarian ga...
Everything you did meant that a million copies of you did something else. Some were going to die. She’d sensed their future deaths…the deaths of Esme Weatherwax. And couldn’t save them, because chance did not work like that. On a million hillsides the girl ran, on a million bridges the girl chose, on a million paths th...
“And she’ll never get it back, though she calls it for a thousand years. ” “Shoeing the unicorn,” said Nanny, shaking her head. “Only you’d think of shoeing a unicorn, Esme. ” “I’ve been doing it all my life,” said Granny. Now the unicorn was a speck on the moorland. As they watched, it disappeared into the evening glo...
No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of Harp...
* The study of invisible writings was a new discipline made available by the discovery of the bi-directional nature of Library-Space. The thaumic mathematics are complex, but boil down to the fact that all books, everywhere, affect all other books. This is obvious: books inspire other books written in the future, and c...
” They needed to be three again. Things got exciting, when there were three of you. There were rows, and adventures, and things for Granny to get angry about, and she was only happy when she was angry. In fact, it seemed to Nanny, she was only Granny Weatherwax when she was angry. Yes. They needed to be three. Or else…...

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