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“Bogeymen can walk through walls but would be very loath to reveal themselves. Really, you have me at a loss. Hmm?” And then he looked up. A gray robe hung in the air. It appeared to be occupied, in that it had a shape, although the occupant was not visible. The prickly feeling crept over Downey that the occupant wasn’... |
” The Guild attracted all sorts of people, Downey reflected. He found himself wondering how it had come to attract Winvoe, for one thing. It was hard to imagine him stabbing anyone in the heart in case he got blood on the victim’s wallet. Whereas Mister Teatime… The problem was that the Guild took young boys and gave t... |
“I may have to check some details, sir. I’d appreciate access to some of the books in the Dark Library. But, yes, I think I can see the basic shape. ” “And yet…this person…some people might say that he is technically immortal. ” “Everyone has their weak point, sir. ” “Even Death?” “Oh, yes. Absolutely. Very much so. ” ... |
“Wherever people are obtuse and absurd…and wherever they have, by even the most generous standards, the attention span of a small chicken in a hurricane and the investigative ability of a one-legged cockroach…and wherever people are inanely credulous, pathetically attached to the certainties of the nursery and, in gene... |
And the bigger your client, the more incredibly discreet and restrained would be the little brass plaque, so that everyone couldn’t help but notice your name. In fact, if you were very, very renowned, they wouldn’t even have to write down your name at all… The men around the table watched him. It was always hard to kno... |
It just grew at the edge of the streaming column of water, looking like a cross between a worm and a flower. Death kneeled down and peered at it, because it was so small. But for some reason, in this world without eyes or light, it was also a brilliant red. The profligacy of life in these matters never ceased to amaze ... |
“We don’t want an accident, do we…” The road here was deserted, despite the bustle of the city behind them and the bulk of the University nearby. There were a few streets, but the buildings were abandoned. And something was happening to the sound. The rest of Ankh-Morpork seemed very far away, the sounds arriving as if... |
“What’d he go and do that for? I did what he said. He could’ve killed me. ” Ernie felt inside his overcoat and pulled out a small and, at this point, strangely transparent silver flask. “I always keep a nip on me these cold nights,” he said. “Keeps me spirits up. ” Y ES INDEED. Death looked around briefly and sniffed t... |
* I FEAR IT MAY BE TOO LATE. IT HAS SPREAD SO FAST AND BACK IN TIME, TOO. “Never say die, master. That’s our motto, eh?” said the sacks, apparently with their mouth full. I CAN’T SAY IT’S EVER REALLY BEEN MINE. “I meant we’re not going to be intimidated by the certain prospect of complete and utter failure, master. ” A... |
In the Archchancellor’s new bathroom Modo wiped his hands on a piece of rag and looked proudly at his handiwork. Shining porcelain gleamed back at him. Copper and brass shone in the lamplight. He was a little worried that he hadn’t been able to test everything, but Mr. Ridcully had said, “I’ll test it when I use it,” a... |
Gawain and Twyla, who’d been named by people who apparently loved them, had been put to bed by the time Susan got in, at their own insistence. It’s a widely held belief at a certain age that going to bed early makes tomorrow come faster. She went to tidy up the schoolroom and get things ready for the morning, and began... |
” The hat had been pressed down very firmly and, since the creature had long pointy ears, these had been forced out sideways and gave it the look of a small malignant wing nut. The thing was a gnome by shape but a fairy by profession. Fairies aren’t necessarily little twinkly creatures. It’s purely a job description, a... |
“This is Hogswatch! It’s supposed to be jolly, with mistletoe and holly, and—and other things ending in olly! It’s a time when people want to feel good about things and eat until they explode! It’s a time when they want to see all their relatives—” She stopped that sentence. “I mean it’s a time when humans are really h... |
There had been people dressed up as pixies, and a picket outside the shop by the Campaign for Equal Heights. * None of the pixies had looked anything like Albert. If they had, people would have only gone into the Grotto armed. “Been good, ’ave yer?” said Albert, and spat into the fireplace. Susan stared at him. Death l... |
Humans could liv—No, humans couldn’t live here, no, because even when you diluted a glass of wine with a bathful of water you might have more liquid but you still had the same amount of wine. A rubber band was still the same rubber band no matter how far it was stretched. Humans could exist here, though. It was never t... |
There were other gods lined up. She recognized a few of them. But there were smaller lifetimers on the shelf. When she saw the labels she nearly burst out laughing. “The Tooth Fairy? The Sandman? John Barleycorn? The Soul Cake Duck? The God of— what ?” She stepped back, and something crunched under her feet. There were... |
“I’d esteem it a service if you could go and make a little sign to hang on it. ” “Yes, sir?” “Saying ‘Do not touch at all,’ or something like that. ” “Right, sir. ” “Hang it on the one marked ‘Old Faithful. ’” “Yes, sir. ” “No need to mention it to the other fellows. ” “Yes, sir. ” “Ye gods, I’ve never felt so clean. ”... |
Staff took money from customers, put it in a little clockwork cable car, sent it whizzing overhead to the cashier, who’d make change and start it rattling back again. Thus there was no possibility of Temptation, and the little trolleys were shooting back and forth like fireworks. Mr. Crumley loved Hogswatch. It was for... |
The blade went wooden. “And she doesn’t want all that other stuff!” said Doreen’s mother, in the face of previous testimony. “She’s a girl! Anyway, I can’t afford big posh stuff like that!” I THOUGHT I GAVE IT AWAY , said the Hogfather, sounding bewildered. “You do?” said the mother. “You do ?” said Crumley, who’d been... |
” “Ah. Like the Dean,” said Ridcully. “Any chance of fitting a brain like this into the Dean’s head?” “It does weigh ten tons, Archchancellor. ” “Ah. Really? Oh. Quite a large crowbar would be in order, then. ” He paused, and then reached into his pocket. “I knew I’d come here for something,” he added. “This here chapp... |
Then some bright spark thought, hey, looks like that damn sun comes up anyway , so how come we’re giving those druids all this free grub? Next thing you know, there’s a job vacancy. That’s the thing about gods. They’ll always find a way to, you know…hang on. ” “The damn sun comes up anyway,” Susan repeated. “How do you... |
“Third floor? They’re going to believe all right. ” Y ES. Y OU KNOW , I THINK I’ M GETTING THE HANG OF THIS. H O. H O. H O. At the Hub of the Discworld, the snow burned blue and green. The Aurora Corealis hung in the sky, curtains of pale cold fire that circled the central mountains and cast their spectral light over t... |
” Susan did her best to prop him up as, swaying and slipping, they made their way back to the exit. “My head,” said the boy. “My head. My head. My head. Feels awful. My head. Feels like someone’s hitting it. My head. With a hammer. ” Someone was. There was a small green and purple imp sitting amid the damp curls and ho... |
He did not add, “And turning out for a rich bugger such as your good self is bound to put the officer concerned in the way of a seasonal bottle or two or some other tangible evidence of gratitude,” because his entire stance said it for him. Even Nobby’s ears could look suggestive. Unfortunately, Mr. Crumley wasn’t in t... |
“Well, now, wassailing you fellows—” he began. “Oh. Well, I must say you might’ve picked a better time…” A hooded figure stepped through the wood of the door, carrying a limp bundle over its shoulder. The Senior Wrangler stepped backward quickly. “Oh…no, not tonight …” And then he noticed that what he had taken for a r... |
“I can see there’s some bottles on the table,” Ridcully continued. “That one, hmm, yes, could be scumble which, as you know, is made from apples—” “ Mainly apples,” the Dean volunteered. “Now, about these poor mad girls—” The oh god slumped to his knees. “…and there’s…that drink, you know, there’s a worm in the bottle…... |
I mean, anyone could walk in, right, but suppose this friend took one or two things, sort of like, you know, a gratuity , and then called the shopkeeper out and got him to lock up, that counts as ‘good,’ does it?” Good and bad were, to Nobby’s way of thinking, entirely relative terms. Most of his relatives, for example... |
” “Yes, they say, ‘Look at him, he’s got no hair,’” said the Lecturer in Recent Runes. The Dean had been annoying him lately. “For the last time,” shouted the Dean, “I am not —” He stopped. There was a glingleglingleglingle noise. “I wish I knew where that was coming from,” said Ridcully. “Er…” the Dean began. “Is ther... |
Death’s osmotic nature tended to pick up new ideas altogether too quickly. Of course, Albert understood why they had to do all this, but the master…well, sometimes the master lacked the necessary mental equipment to work out what should be true and what shouldn’t… A ND I THINK I’ VE GOT THE LAUGH WORKING REALLY WELL NO... |
” W HY NOT TURN UP BEFORE ? A N ANGEL HAS QUITE A LARGE CARRYING CAPACITY. “Couldn’t say, master. I suppose people think it’s more…satisfying the other way…Albert hesitated, and then frowned. “You know, now that I come to tell someone…” Death looked down at the shape under the falling snow. Then he set the lifetimer on... |
Ridcully glanced down at the paper. “Says here ‘Implied Creation Of Anthropomorphic Personification,’” he said. “What’s that mean?” “Er…I think Hex has tried to work out the answer,” said Ponder. “Has it, bigods? I hadn’t even worked out what the question was yet…” “It heard you talking, sir. ” Ridcully raised his eyeb... |
What’s he doing? W HAT’S HE DOING ?” A JOB WELL DONE , I FANCY. The sleigh thundered across the night. Frozen fields passed underneath. “Hmph,” said Albert. He sniffed. W HAT DO YOU CALL THAT WARM FEELING YOU GET INSIDE ? “Heartburn!” Albert snapped. D O I DETECT A NOTE OF UNSEASONAL GRUMPINESS ? said Death. N O SUGAR ... |
” “That’s not a rumor, that’s a forecast,” said the fat figure, and lurched off. “And then can I please have a glass of water and one charcoal biscuit…” They watched him go. “Friend of yours?” said Susan. “God of Indigestion, I think. Look…I…er…I think I do remember something ,” said the oh god. “Just before I, um, inc... |
“Well done, Archchancellor. ” “Well, I mean, dammit , it’s human nature, isn’t it?” said Ridcully hotly. “Things go wrong, things get lost, it’s natural to invent little creatures that—All right, all right, I’ll be careful. I’m just saying man is naturally a mythopoeic creature. ” “What’s that mean?” said the Senior Wr... |
Now can we go—” Death’s glowing eye sockets took in the scene in minute detail. I T’S WRONG. “Oh, no…here we go again. ” The oh god hesitated. “What do you mean, you can’t walk through the door?” said Susan. “You walked through the door in the bar. ” “That was different. I have certain god-like powers in the presence o... |
“I don’t have to put up with this,” she said sweetly, to no one in particular. She leaned forward again. “W HAT CART ARE WE TALKING ABOUT HERE , C HARLIE ?” The oh god jolted away. The man in the brown coat shot backward and splayed against the corridor wall as Susan advanced. “Comes Tuesdays,” he panted. “’ere, what—”... |
Albert grabbed his arm before he could withdraw his hand. “Mind taking a bit of advice, master? I was brung up in a place like this. ” D OES IT BRING TEARS TO YOUR EYES ? “A box of matches to me hand, more like. Listen…” The old man was only dimly aware of some whispering. He sat hunched up, staring at nothing. W ELL, ... |
“Here’s…let’s see…Aabana Bottler…” “I expect Violet will be a lot further,” said the oh god, trying out irony. “Onward!” Swaying a little, the tower headed down the Bs until: “Stop!” It rocked as the oh god kicked the brake block against a wheel. “I think this is her,” said a voice from above. “Okay, you can lower away... |
Death stood behind it, beaming proudly, as Albert staggered in, snow blowing in with him. “Blimey, it’s getting really parky,” said Albert. “Any sherry?” he added hopefully. I T APPEARS NOT. Death looked at the sock hooked onto the side of the stove. It had a hole in it. A letter, in erratic handwriting, was attached t... |
He saw life from outside and never quite understood. “That looks dangerous,” said the oh god. Susan sheathed the sword. “I hope so,” she said. “Er…where are we going? Exactly?” “Somewhere under an overhead sky,” said Susan. “And…I’ve seen it before. Recently. I know the place. ” They walked out to the stable yard. Bink... |
“ And I bet you bought your holly, eh?” The Dean raised his eyebrows. “Of course! We didn’t go creeping around the country pinching it out of other people’s hedges, like some people did,” he snapped. “That’s traditional! That’s part of the fun!” “Celebrating Hogswatch with stolen greenery?” Ridcully put his hand over h... |
“Left to myself, I expect I’d have imagined a slightly more streamlined Blue Bird of Happiness, but I can’t actually fault you there. ” The Cheerful Fairy coughed nervously and fiddled with the buttons on her sensible woolly jumper. “How about a nice game to get us all in the mood?” she said. “A guessing game, perhaps?... |
He answered to the name of Duck Man, although he never seemed to understand why, or why he was always surrounded by people who seemed to see ducks where no ducks could be. And finally, being towed along by a small gray dog on a string, was Foul Ole Ron, generally regarded in Ankh-Morpork as the deranged beggars’ derang... |
“No, it won’t!” T HEN IT WILL BE A NAUGHTY DEED IN A NAUGHTY WORLD AND WILL PASS COMPLETELY UNNOTICED. “Yeah, but you might at least have thought about the people whose grub you pinched. ” T HEY HAVE BEEN PROVIDED FOR, OF COURSE. I AM NOT COMPLETELY HEARTLESS. I N A METAPHORICAL SENSE. A ND NOW—ONWARD AND UPWARD. “We’r... |
Get the idea? It’s not our fault if even Quirmians don’t understand restaurant Quirmian. It’s not like lying, after all. ” “Well, it’s a bit like—” the waiter began. He’d been cursed with honesty at an early stage. “Then there’s Brodequin rôti Façon Ombres …” The manager sighed at the head waiter’s panicky expression. ... |
“Oh, yeah? So it wasn’t you who said, wow, ten thousand dollars, count me in?” Chickenwire backed away. “I didn’t know there was going to be all this creepy stuff! I want to go home!” Medium Dave hesitated, despite his pain and rage. This wasn’t normal talk for Chickenwire, for all that he whined and grumbled. This was... |
He hopped around, beating desperately at himself. “Who did that? Who did that?” demanded Medium Dave. “I didn’t see anyone,” said Chickenwire. “I mean, no one was near him. Catseye said ‘pants on fire’ and next minute—” “Now he’s sucking his thumb!” Catseye jeered. “Nyer nyer nyer! Crying for Mummy! You know what happe... |
“Yes, boss?” “Get those damn boots off right now, will you?” When Chickenwire reached the bottom of the tower he was trembling, and not just from the effort. He headed straight for the door until Medium Dave grabbed him. “Let me out! It’s after me!” “Look at his face ,” said Catseye. “Looks like he’s seen a ghost!” “Ye... |
And very odd, too. ” “More odd than it is now?” “I don’t think it’s possible to die here. ” “That man who fell down the stairs looked pretty dead to me. ” “Oh, you die. But not here. You…let’s see…yes…you go somewhere else. Away. You’re just not seen any more. That’s about all you understand when you’re three. Grandfat... |
It wasn’t man-shaped. It was something like an ostrich, and something like a lizard on its hind legs, but almost entirely like something made out of blades. Every time it moved a thousand blades went snip, snip. Its long silver neck curved and a head made of shears stared down at her. “You’re not looking for me,” she s... |
Of course, I have to wear fangs—” And then someone was holding a sword to his throat. “What’s this?” said Chickenwire. “Lover’s Lane?” “You leave him alone, you!” shouted Violet. “He’s a god! You’ll be really sorry!” Bilious swallowed, but very gently. It was a sharp sword. “A god, eh?” said Chickenwire. “What of?” Bil... |
“You all right, old fellow?” said Ridcully. “What’s eleven percent of 1,276?” “One hundred and forty point three six,” said the Bursar promptly. “Ah, right as rain,” said Ridcully cheerfully. “I don’t see why,” said the Chair of Indefinite Studies. “Just because he can do things with numbers doesn’t mean everything els... |
It was actually quite pretty, in a boyish sort of way, except that those mismatched eyes staring out of it suggested that it had been stolen from someone else. She started to move her hand but the boy was there first, dragging the sword scabbard out of her belt. “Ah, ah!” he chided, turning and fending her off as she t... |
And around Teatime the dots bounced and recoiled like wasps around a pot of jam. Looking for something, she thought. “You don’t believe in the Hogfather, do you?” said Teatime. “A big boy like you?” “Yeah,” said Banjo. “So what’s dis ‘no more Hogfather’?” Teatime pointed at Susan. “ She did it,” he said. “She killed hi... |
” This much conversation seemed to exhaust him. He sagged. “I wanna go home,” he said. She stared at his big, stained face, shrugged hopelessly, pulled a handkerchief out of her pocket and held it up to his mouth. “Spit,” she commanded. He obeyed. She dabbed the handkerchief over the worst parts and then tucked it into... |
A little piece of shit gets in and then a pearl grows up around it. She got up and went downstairs. Banjo had found a broom and mop somewhere. The circle was empty and, with surprising initiative, the man was carefully washing the chalk away. “Banjo?” “Yes, miss. ” “You like it here?” “There’s trees, miss. ” That proba... |
“Now, why don’t you have another glass of wine, and then…and then…” a happy thought struck him “…and then…and then perhaps I could show you Archchancellor Bowell’s Remembrance? It’s got a-a-a-a very interesting ceiling. My word, yes. ” “That would be very nice,” said the Cheerful Fairy. “Would it cheer me up, do you th... |
I T IS NOTHING EXCEPT A TINY YES IN THE NIGHT. A ND YET…AND YET…IT HAS ENEMIES THAT BEAR ON IT A VICIOUS, UNBENDING MALICE, WHO WISH NOT ONLY FOR ITS TINY LIFE TO BE OVER BUT ALSO THAT IT HAD NEVER EXISTED. A RE YOU WITH ME SO FAR ? “Well, yes, but—” G OOD. N OW, IMAGINE WHAT THEY THINK OF HUMANITY. Susan was shocked. ... |
The branch caught it as it landed, and then Susan spun and brought the branch back on the upswing, lifting the dazed animal off its feet and out over the edge. For a moment the shape wavered and then, howling, it dropped out of sight. She danced a few steps of rage and triumph. “Yes! Yes! Who wants some? Anyone else?” ... |
“I remember hearing,” said Susan distantly, “that the idea of the Hogfather wearing a red and white outfit was invented quite recently. ” N O. I T WAS REMEMBERED. Now the Hogfather was a red dot on the other side of the valley. “Well, that about wraps it up for this dress,” said Susan. “I’d just like to ask, just out o... |
You may have some personal knowledge about your vulnerability but I’m pretty certain that Susan here would quite definitely die, so I’d rather you didn’t try any last-minute stuff. ” I AM LAST-MINUTE STUFF , said Death, standing up. Teatime circled around carefully, the sword’s tip making little curves in the air. From... |
The little toy maker bustled in from the workshop in the rear, and then stopped, with amazing foresight, dead. Y OU HAVE A BIG WOODEN ROCKING HORSE IN THE WINDOW , said the new customer. “Ah, yes, yes, yes. ” The shopkeeper fiddled nervously with his square-rimmed spectacles. He hadn’t heard the bell, and this was worr... |
And she’d said, what marble? And he’d said, the glass marble I found in the fireplace. It wins all the games. It seems to move in a different way. The beggars walked their erratic and occasionally backward walk along the city streets, while fresh morning snow began to fall. Occasionally one of them belched happily. The... |
Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. HOGFATHER. Copyright © 1996 by Terry Pratchett and Lyn Pratchett. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transfera... |
It’s not known why most of the space-going races of the universe want to undertake rummaging in Earthling underwear as a prelude to formal contact. But representatives of several hundred races have taken to hanging out, unsuspected by one another, in rural corners of the planet and, as a result of this, keep on abducti... |
It bears a rather unconvincing picture of a teddy bear, and the legend “To The World’s Greatest Grandad,” and the slight change in the style of lettering on the word “Grandad” makes it clear that this has come from one of those stalls that have hundreds of mugs like these, declaring that they’re for the world’s greates... |
A dark figure stood outlined against the warm summer-evening sky, and there was something strange about its shoulders. “Mrs. Ogg? You are married now?” “Yep. Twice,” said Mrs. Ogg, cheerfully. “What can I do for y—” “You must come at once. It’s very urgent. ” “I didn’t know anyone was—” “I have come a long way,” said t... |
They’d been named after trade heroes or patron deities, and this turned them into a kind of family. The older ones remembered where they came from, and at Hogswatch they were liberal with donations of food and clothing to the various younger brothers and sisters of the basket. It wasn’t perfect, but then, what is? So J... |
“They involved the idea that there is such a thing as the smallest possible unit of time. And it must exist, mustn’t it? Consider the present. It must have a length, because one end of it is connected to the past and the other is connected to the future, and if it didn’t have a length then the present couldn’t exist at... |
And if they were intelligent observers, they’d have said: so…this classroom is in some way still in Ankh-Morpork and also in Genua, is it? Is this a trick? Is this real? Is it imagination? Or is it that, to this particular teacher, there is not much of a difference? The inside of the cupboard was also present, and it w... |
There is a problem. ” “Yes?” “He is very, very fast. Around him, things go missing. Little things. Unimportant things. But even when he is watched closely, he is never seen to take them. ” “Then perhaps he does not?” “He walks through a room and things vanish!” said the Master of Novices. “He’s that fast? It’s just as ... |
He heard a few beats and then his fall slowed, stopped, and he began to soar back up through the sleeting light until a brightness ahead became a room. He had to remember all this! It was all so clear, once you saw it! So simple! So easy! He could see every part, how they interlocked, how they were made … And now it be... |
Well, he did have hith little wayth, I mutht admit, but an Igor never patheth judgment on hith marthter or mithtreth, thur. That ith the Code of the Igorth, thur,” he added patiently. “It would be a funny old world if we were all alike, thur. ” Jeremy was completely baffled as to his next move. He’d never been very goo... |
Hardworking fellow, mark you, and friendly as anything provided you don’t touch his hair. Important lesson there: you don’t survive in the field by obeying all the rules, including those relating to mental processes. And what name were you given when you were enrolled?” “Lobsang, ven—uh, Sweeper. ” “Lobsang Ludd?” “Er…... |
“No, thur,” said Igor, buttering the toast. “You’re not?” “No, thur. I am bloody amathing at it, thur. Many of my marthterth had needed… thpethial apparatuth not readily obtainable elthwhere, thur. What wath it you wanted?” “How would we go about building this ?” Jeremy spread the sheet on the table. The slice of toast... |
Kitchen duties,” said Lu-Tze. “To teach you the virtues of obedience and hard work, right?” “Yes, Sweeper. ” “Are they working?” “Oh…yes. ” “Really?” “Well…no. ” “They’re not all they’re cracked up to be, I have to tell you,” said Lu-Tze. “Whereas, my lad, what we have here,” he stepped through an archway, “is an educa... |
“Sadly, in the writings they have here you probably won’t,” said Lu-Tze. “Ah…you can open your eyes now. ” They walked on, with Lobsang rubbing his head to take away the strangeness of his thoughts. Behind them, the livid swirls in the wheel of color, that had centered on the spot where Lobsang would have fallen, gradu... |
Can he really be as fast as that without training? Who is this boy?” Tick Who is this girl? Madam Frout, headmistress of the Frout Academy and pioneer of the Frout Method of Learning Through Fun, often found herself thinking that when she had to interview Miss Susan. Of course, the girl was an employee, but…well, Madam... |
Robertson told me that her Emma was going around the house looking for monsters in the cupboards! And up until now she’s always been afraid of them!” “Did she have a stick?” said Susan. “She’d got her father’s sword!” “Good for her. ” “Look, Susan…I think I see what you’re trying to do,” said Madam Frout, who didn’t re... |
’ Only then, if you are still able, may you resume your studies here. Understood?” * Older monks sometimes complained, but someone would always say: “Remember that Lu-Tze’s Way is not our Way. Remember he learned everything by sweeping unheeded while students were being educated. Remember, he has been everywhere and do... |
It was a thought that sobbed into its own handkerchief, but it was true. Oh, Death had his manservant, Albert, and of course there was the Death of Rats, if you could call that company… And as far as Susan was concerned… Well, she was partly immortal, and that was all there was to it. She could see things that were rea... |
Death looked awkward. “An immortal?” S OMEONE SUBJECT TO…SOMEONE ELSE. “You’re going to have to be a lot clearer than that. ” S USAN…YOU KNOW THAT I ADOPTED AND RAISED YOUR MOTHER, AND FOUND A SUITABLE HUSBAND FOR HER— “Yes, yes,” snapped Susan. “How could I forget? I look in my mirror every day. ” T HIS IS…DIFFICULT F... |
” “I have medicine,” said Jeremy. “Yes, of course. Er…as a matter of fact, since I happened to be going past the apothecary today…” Dr. Hopkins pulled a large, paper-wrapped bottle out of his pocket. “Thank you. ” Jeremy indicated the shelf behind him. “As you can see, I have nearly run out. ” “Yes, I thought you might... |
” Susan returned to the classroom and spent the rest of the day performing small miracles, which included removing the glue from Richenda’s hair, emptying the wee out of Billy’s shoes, and treating the class to a short visit to the continent of Fourecks. When their parents came to pick them up, they were all waving cra... |
“Just ‘Because,’ master? No reason ?” “Reason? What reason can a mountain have? And, as you accumulate years, you will learn that most answers boil down, eventually, to ‘Because. ’” Lobsang said nothing. The Book of the Way was giving him problems. What he wanted to say was this: Lu-Tze, this reads like a book of the s... |
We can’t imagine what those eyes saw. And he never raised a hand to any man in his life. ” “Look, I really didn’t want to—” “And you’ve looked at the other statues?” said Lu-Tze, as if he’d completely forgotten about the dojo. Distractedly, Lobsang followed his gaze. Up on the raised stone platform that ran the whole l... |
Everyone may have stopped arguing at cross purposes by now. How do you feel about going through the Mandala Hall again?” “Oh, I’ll be fine, I’d just…forgotten about it, that’s all. ” “Really? And you’d never seen it before, too. But time plays funny tricks on us all. Why, I once—” Lu-Tze stopped, and stared at the appr... |
“See? They’re dumping! Over here! Quick!” He ran after Lu-Tze, and saw there were hundreds, no, thousands of the cylinders, some of them reaching all the way to the cavern roof… There were still monks in here. Some of them were running to and from the wells with buckets of water, which flashed into steam when they thre... |
“Keep it up! No…blimey, you’re down to days… days! Keep an eye on me!” The sweeper ran toward the end of the hall, to where the Procrastinators were smaller. Time was fine-tuned here, on cylinders of chalk and wood and other short-lived materials. To his amazement, some of them were already slowing. He raced down an ai... |
” The passage rose into the main temple complex. People were still scurrying around as they headed for the Mandala Hall. “You’re sure you can look at it again?” said Lu-Tze. “Yes, Sweeper. ” “Okay. You know best. ” The balconies overlooking the hall were crowded with monks, but Lu-Tze worked his way forward by polite y... |
Solids, thank goodness. At least he’s done with the wet nurse. It was so embarrassing for him and the young lady, honestly, you didn’t know where to put your face and neither did he. I mean, mentally he’s nine hundred years old…” “That must make him very wise. ” “Pretty wise, pretty wise. But age and wisdom don’t neces... |
” “I thought all roads led away from Ankh-Morpork. ” “Not the way we’re going. Ah, here we are…” Lu-Tze knocked at the door of a rough but large shed built right up against the wall. At the same moment there was an explosion within and someone—Lobsang corrected himself— half of someone tumbled very fast out of the ungl... |
Color came back into the world, and while the cold ceased to have the force of a drill it still struck hard. “Yes, lad?” “You’re going to teach me, right?” “If there’s anything left that you don’t know, wonder boy,” said Lu-Tze drily. “You’re slicing well, I can see that. ” “I don’t know how you can stand this cold!” “... |
” “I wouldn’t know about that, thur,” said Igor, who in fact had the aforesaid very strong doubts in that area. He walked back into the shop and got ready with his hand on the handle just as the knock came. Lady LeJean swept past Igor. The two trolls ignored him and took up their positions just inside the workshop. Igo... |
There was always the risk of an ax bouncing or a sawblade running wild, and then a man was glad to have an Igor around who could lend a hand—or even an entire arm, if you were lucky. And while they practiced their skills freely and generously in the community, the Igors were even more careful to use it among themselves... |
Then it faded and vanished. A line of footprints appeared across the snowfield. Lobsang wrapped time around himself, and followed. And a memory came from nowhere at all: Wen was right. Tick There were lots of places like the warehouse. There always are, in every old city, no matter how valuable the building land is. So... |
They had made changes, of course. The face in the picture was asymmetrical and full of minor flaws, which they had carefully removed. The result would have been successful beyond the Auditors’ wildest dreams, if they’d ever dreamed. Now that they had their stalking horse, their reliable human, anything was possible. Th... |
“How many words?” “What I’m trying to find out here,” said Lu-Tze, “is whether you have any idea what happens when a lot of big armed men try to attack a small, elderly, unarmed monk…?” “To the best of my knowledge,” said the intellectual of the group, “he turns out to be a very unlucky monk. ” Lu-Tze shrugged. “Oh, we... |
” “You know I think that was because of dimensional instability!” “ Yeth , thur. ” “Why are you giving me that funny look, Igor?” Igor shrugged. That is, one shoulder was momentarily as high as the other one. “Goeth with the fathe, thur. ” “She’d hardly pay us so handsomely and then sabotage the project, would she? Why... |
How could they ever…well, how could they? Then she thought: My grandfather is Death. He adopted my mother. My father was his apprentice for a while. That’s all that happened. They were both human, and I turned up in the normal way. There is no way I should be able to walk through walls and live outside time and be a li... |
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