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You had to think and rephrase it in more immediate terms, like “No one, Jason, no matter what, no, not even if they thought they heard someone shouting for help, no one—are you paying attention, Jason?—is to open the door of the Stationery Cupboard, or accidentally fall on the door handle so that it opens, or threatens... |
“Oh, yes? Well, I done hundreds of confinements. Thousands, prob’ly. ” “I imagine this one was difficult. ” “A lot of them are,” said Mrs. Ogg. “You’d remember this one. I don’t know how it started, but I’d imagine that a stranger came knocking. ” “Oh?” Mrs. Ogg’s face became a wall. The black eyes stared out at Susan ... |
“I person’ly never had any problems in that area but I’ve been at a lot of births when it’s all new to the girl and she’ll be frightened as hell and when push comes to shove, if you take my meaning, old midwifery term there, she’ll be yellin’ and swearin’ at the father and I reckon that she’d give anything to be somewh... |
” One said, That is simple; the eye receives the input, the hand applies the pigment. “That’s what I thought, but it appears to be much more complex than that—” The one who had raised the question of the painting drifted toward one of the chairs and said: And what is this ? “It is a cat. It arrived. It does not appear ... |
He added, hopefully, “Er…I heard tell that really advanced monks can live on the, er, life force in the actual air itself…” “Only on the planet Sausage, I expect,” said Lu-Tze. “No, we’ll skirt Copperhead and find something in the valleys on the other side. Let’s go, there’s not much time…” But time enough to watch a b... |
Famine was arrogant. I AM SORRY , Death said, TO HAVE TRESPASSED ON YOUR TIME. He went outside, into the crowded street, all alone. Tick The stick swooped down toward the plains and leveled off a few hundred feet above the ground. “We’re on our way now!” shouted Lu-Tze, pointing ahead. Lobsang looked down at a slim woo... |
” “But I thought you stored lightning?” Her ladyship indicated the greenish glass cylinders bubbling and hissing along the wall of the workshop. Just by the bench with, yes, the hammer on it. And no one could read her thoughts! The power ! “There will easily be enough to keep the mechanism working, but to start the clo... |
It was fine if you didn’t think about it. “But all the scrolls say you go to blue and violet and into the black and then you hit the Wall,” said Lobsang. “Ah, well, scrolls ,” said Lu-Tze and left it there, as if the tone of voice said it all. “This is Zimmerman’s Valley, lad. It helps if you know it’s here. The abbot ... |
T ALKING OF THE OLD DAYS, he said carefully. I ’M SURE YOU REMEMBER THE TRADITION OF RIDING OUT? War gave him a puzzled look. “Mind’s a blank on that one, old boy. ” I SENT OUT THE CALL. “Can’t say it rings a bell…” A POCALYPSE? said Death. E ND OF THE WORLD? War continued to stare. “Definitely knocking, old chap, but ... |
” “Are we waiting to see a little pointy bit of lightning coming out of a cloud?” “Hah! Kids today, where do they get their education? The first stroke is from the ground to the air, lad. That makes a nice hole in the air for the main lightning to come down. Look for the glow. We’ve got to be giving the road plenty of ... |
Now…how much energy could it have? Lobsang cupped his hand and gingerly brought it underneath and up, and there was a tingle and a sudden feeling of weight as the spinner’s field claimed it. Now its true colors came back. The jar was a milky pink or, rather, clear glass that looked pink because of the contents. The pap... |
Uncertain death, see?” Lobsang looked at the two frozen people. One was medium-sized and had all the right number of appendages to qualify as a member of the human race, and so therefore probably had to be given the benefit of the doubt. It was staring at the clock. So was the other figure, which was of a middle-aged, ... |
Who am I?” Lu-Tze stared at the solitary finger. The walls of the dairy faded. The cold grew deeper. His mind raced, and the librarian of memory took over. This wasn’t a normal place, that wasn’t a normal man. A finger. One finger. One of the five digits on a—One of five. One of Five. Faint echoes of an ancient legend ... |
“A wolf is a very strong…form, you see? Even though the mind is human, the wolf creeps in through the noses and the ears and the paws. Know about witches?” “We, er, stole the broomstick of one of them to get here,” said Lobsang. “Really? Bit of luck for you that the world’s ended, then,”said Susan. “Anyway, some of the... |
” “That verse got cut from the next edition,” said Ronnie. “Very open to visions of all sorts, old Tobrun. The fathers of Omnianism could pick and mix what they wanted. Of course, in those days everything was new. Death was Death, of course, but the rest were really just Localized Crop Failure, Scuffles, and Spots. ” “... |
A city might not need a king, but it can always use big rooms and some handy large walls, long after the monarchy is but a memory and the building is renamed The Glorious Memorial To The People’s Industry. Although the last king of the city was no oil painting himself—especially when he’d been beheaded, after which no ... |
“They’d dismantle a clock to search for the tick. ” “How do you know it’s Man with Big Fig Leaf ?” “I just happen to remember where it is, that’s all. ” “You, er, you appreciate art?” Lobsang ventured. “I know what I like,” said Susan, still staring at the busy gray figures. “And right now I’d like quite a lot of weapo... |
But it was holding a sword, and holding it correctly. A figure rose up behind it. One hand grabbed it by the hair and jerked its head back. The other was thrust over its open mouth. The Auditor struggled for a moment, and then went rigid. And then disintegrated, tiny particles spinning away and disappearing into nothin... |
Jeremy was lying on a bed, although it was no softer than anything else in the timeless world. Lobsang stopped and stared. “He looks…quite like me,” he said. “Oh, yes,” said Susan. “Thinner, perhaps. ” “Could be, yes. ” “Different…lines on his face. ” “You’ve led different lives,” said Susan. “How did you know about hi... |
“Perhaps you shouldn’t be here. ” “But this is where I have to be!” “We, at least, should not stay here,” said Lady LeJean. “I know my kind. They will have been discussing what to do. The signs will not hold them forever. And I have run out of soft centers. ” “What are you supposed to do when you are where you’re suppo... |
Her evening dress had acquired several more tears. “May I offer a fashion tip?” said Susan. “It would be welcomed,” said her ladyship politely. “Long cerise bloomers with that dress? Not a good idea. ” “No? They are very colorful, and quite warm. What should I have chosen instead?” “With that cut? Practically nothing. ... |
She selected a syringe that seemed designed to do something intensely personal to female elephants, although she decided that here it was probably used for doing the wiggly bits of decoration. And over here was a small vat of cocoa liquor. She stared around at the trays and trays of fondant cremes, marzipans, and caram... |
“I’m Kaos!” “You don’t think so? Well, your big comeback ain’t gonna happen now that the Auditors have taken over! The rules , mister! That’s what they are! They’re the cold, dead rules !” Silver lightning flickered in the walking cloud that had once been Ronnie. Then cloud, cart, and horse vanished. “Well, could have ... |
The fleeing refugees would find that the world was bigger than they’d thought. A few villages in a clearing? Hah, how could they have been so stupid! Now they knew it was a whole island! Of course, there was that horizon again… The world had run out of horizons. As Death watched, the sun stopped in its orbit, and its l... |
They caught his eye, and there were some almost imperceptible nods from Famine and Pestilence. War turned in the saddle and spoke to his wife. “Right now, dear, I’m not confused at all. Could you get down, please?” “Remember what happened when—” Mrs. War began. “ Right now, please, my dear,” said War, and this time his... |
“But is it not written, ‘If you have another one, you won’t have an appetite for your dinner’?” “You really mean you will not eat a second chocolate coffee bean?” “No, thank you. ” Susan looked across at Unity, who was trembling. “You do have taste buds, don’t you?” she said, but she felt a pressure on her arm pulling ... |
” “We shall see,” Mr. White said. “Your associate seemed to prefer the ax!” He pointed to the body of Lu-Tze. To the empty patch of cobbles where Lu-Tze had been. A hand tapped him on the shoulder. “Why is it,” said a voice by his ear, “that no one ever believes in Rule One?” Above him, the sky began to burn blue. Susa... |
The words and the movements were stilted and chilly, but there was a communication going on here that she wasn’t party to, and it was happening a lot faster than speech. “Aren’t we supposed to be saving the world?” she said. “I don’t want to rush anybody, of course. ” “There’s something I must do first,” said Lobsang. ... |
Under its huge hairy brow its eyes were squinting with the effort both of seeing him and of getting all three of its brain cells lined up so that it could decide whether to trample on him or gouge him out of the frost-bound landscape. One brain cell was saying “gouge,” one was going for “trample,” but the third had wan... |
It flickered over the desk and then snapped across the air to form arcs of light leading to all the Procrastinators. It crawled between the carved symbols and clung to them in a thickening layer, like cotton winding on a reel. Lu-Tze looked at the whirling light and the shadow within it, almost lost against the glow. “... |
Did you have romantic hopes in connection with the boy?” The questions came out of nowhere and there was no defense. Unity’s face showed nothing but a kind of nervous concern. “No,” said Susan. Unfortunately, Unity did not seem to have mastered some of the subtleties of human conversation, such as when a tone of voice ... |
Lu-Tze prodded it with an experimental finger, and a slab of cookie-dough-strong metal fell out and collapsed on the flagstones. “Very impress—” he began. A squeaky rubber elephant bounced off his head. “Bikkit!” The crowd parted. The chief acolyte ran forward, carrying the abbot. “What is the wanna bikkit BIKKIT meani... |
” The remains of the door were pushed aside by the hands of many monks. There was the sound of someone being hit with a rubber yak. “ Bikkit!” “…And the abbot, I believe, is ready to present you with the robe,” said Lu-Tze. “Don’t make any comment if he dribbles on it, please. ” They left the dojo and, followed now by ... |
” S O…YOU’RE SAYING THAT THIS VAT COULD EXIST SOMEWHERE IN A TRULY INFINITE EVERYWHERE, AND THEREFORE IT CAN EXIST HERE? said Death. “Indeed,” said Chaos. B UT IT NO LONGER EXISTS IN THE PLACE WHERE IT SHOULD EXIST. “No. It should, now, exist here. The math is easy,” said Chaos. A H? W ELL, MATHS …said Death, dismissiv... |
” The Times (London) “One of the reasons for Pratchett’s skyrocketing popularity (he has sold more than twenty million copies of his novels worldwide) is his use of multiple layers of satire. You can never pick up all the jokes he makes in one reading. And while you don’t need to have read any previous Discworld novels... |
This is not quite the paradox it appears because, after it has taken place, it hasn’t happened. All that actually remains is a memory in the yeti’s head, which merely turns out to be a remarkably accurate premonition. The little eddies in time caused by all this are just lost in the noise of all the kinks, dips, and kn... |
It was by inclination a city of mists and drips, of slithers and chills. It sat panting on the crisping plains like a toad on a firebrick. And even now, around midnight, the heat was stifling, wrapping the streets like scorched velvet, searing the air and squeezing all the breath out of it. High in the north face of th... |
He dropped lightly over the edge of the roof, landed on a ridge, ran easily across the sleeping building, jumped a narrow gap onto the tiled roof of the Young Men’s Reformed-Cultists-of-the-Ichor-God-Bel-Shamharoth Association gym, jogged gently over the gray slope, swarmed up a twelve foot wall without slowing down, a... |
” All that remained then was for Teppic to go and sacrifice a chicken at the statue of Khuft, the founder of Djelibeybi, so that his ancestor’s guiding hand would steer his footsteps in the world. It was only a small chicken, though, and when Khuft had finished with it the king had it for lunch. Djelibeybi really was a... |
Teppic,” said the master, and ticked off a name on his list. He gave Teppic a generous smile. “Well, now, your majesty,” he said, “I am Grunworth Nivor, your housemaster. You are in Viper House. To my certain knowledge there are at least eleven Kingdoms of the Sun on the Disc and, before the end of the week, you will p... |
For a minute or two the dusty space was filled with the intense absence of noise caused by someone moving with extreme care. Once again there was the squirting of oil, and then a metallic whisper as the bolt of a trapdoor leading onto the roof moved gently aside. Teppic waited for his breath to catch up with him, and i... |
Everything I do, anyway. There’s only me and mother left now, and she doesn’t do much that needs watching. ” “I’ll be sure and tell him. ” “Do you think the Great Orm will come tonight?” “I shouldn’t think so. I’ll ask my father to be sure and tell him not to. ” At the other end of the dormitory Chidder was kneeling on... |
Especially about the over-confidence. ” There was a ledge leading to an invitingly open window. There was oil on the ledge, and Teppic invested several minutes in screwing small crampons into cracks in the stonework before advancing. He hung easily by the window and proceeded to take a number of small metal rods from h... |
It was the fact that you ended up killing people that had been preying on his mind. He’d never killed anyone. That’s the whole point, he told himself. This is where everyone finds out if you can, including you. If I get it wrong now, I’m dead. In his corner, Mericet began to hum a discouraging little tune. There was a ... |
His innate aptitude for channelled violence had been revealed on the day when Fliemoe and some cronies had decided it would be fun to toss the new boys in a blanket, and picked Arthur first; ten seconds later it had taken the combined efforts of every boy in the dormitory to hold Arthur back and prise the remains of th... |
“We’ll slit them from wossname to thingy. ” “Right!” They lurched uncertainly out onto the Brass Bridge. In fact there were dangerous people around in the pre-dawn shadows, and currently these were some twenty paces behind them. The complex system of criminal Guilds had not actually made Ankh-Morpork a safer place, it ... |
Then we whacked a damn great stone over the door…” He tried to think, and found that it was surprisingly easy. New ideas were pouring into his mind in a cold, clear stream. They had to do with the play of light on the rocks, the deep blue of the sky, the manifold possibilities of the world that stretched away on every ... |
” It was widely expected by the priesthood that Koomi would be the one to succeed Dios in the event of Dios ever actually dying, although hanging around waiting for Dios to die had never seemed to be a rewarding occupation. The only dissenting opinion was that of Dios himself, who, if he had any friends, would probably... |
Seventy percent of his income last year was from undeclared trading in the following commodities—” Teppic’s eyes stared into nothingness—“From illegal transport of gullanes and leuchars, nine percent. From night-running of untaxed—” “Well, thirty percent honest,” Chidder admitted, “which is a lot more honest than most.... |
Ahead of him, dark against the flarelight, stood the great statue of Khuft. Seven thousand years ago Khuft had led his people out of—Teppic couldn’t remember, but somewhere where they hadn’t liked being, probably, and for thoroughly good reasons; it was at times like this he wished he knew more history—and had prayed i... |
Damn fine blobs, of course, some of the finest blobs in the world, as loyal a collection of blobs as a king might hope to rule. But blobs, none the less. But now he was absolutely engrossed in the daily details of Dil’s shy hopes for advancement within the Guild, and the unfolding story of Gern’s clumsy overtures to Gl... |
“You can hear him?” said Teppic. “I didn’t hear anything. ” “The dead, naturally, speak through the priests,” said the priest. “That is the custom, sire. ” “But he can hear me, can he?” “Of course. ” “ I’ve been thinking about this whole pyramid business and, look, I’m not certain about it. ” Teppic leaned closer. “Aun... |
Ptaclusp scribbled busily, his adam’s apple bobbing. Something like this only happened once in a business career. “Can do you a very nice black marble facing on the outside,” he said, without looking up. “We may have just enough in the quarry. O king of the celestial orbs,” he added hurriedly. “Very good,” said Teppic.... |
” “Will it?” said Teppic, yawning. “That’s nice. And now, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll turn in. It’s been a long day. ” Dios bowed as though he was hinged in the middle. Teppic had noticed that Dios had at least fifty finely-tuned ways of bowing, each one conveying subtle shades of meaning. This one looked like No. ... |
All the profit was in mastabas, small family tombs, memorial needles and general jobbing necropoli, but if you didn’t do pyramids, you didn’t do anything. The meanest garlic farmer, looking for something neat and long lasting with maybe some green marble chippings but within a budget, wouldn’t go to a man without a pyr... |
” “After all,” said the chief sculptor cheerfully, “you don’t think they’re going to step up and say ‘It’s all wrong, he really had a face like a short-sighted chicken,’ do you?” “ Thank you very much. Thank you very much indeed, I must say. ” The pharaoh went and sat by the cat. It seemed that people only had respect ... |
“Well, jolly good,” said Teppic, and took his unresisting hand and shook it. “Sire!” Dios bellowed. “No!” And the mason spun away, holding his right hand by the wrist, fighting it, screaming… Teppic gripped the arms of the throne and glared at the high priest. “But it’s a gesture of fellowship, nothing more. Where I co... |
“What have you been and gone and done? Pyramids don’t start accumulating until they’re finished. Until they’re pyramids , see? Pyramid energy, see? Named after pyramids. That’s why it’s called pyramid energy. ” “It must be something to do with the mass, or something,” the architect hazarded, “and the speed of construct... |
Hot on the synapses of the other two came a third thought, which said: It’s only clothes, for goodness sake, you’re beginning to take it all seriously. The group from Ephebe were more sensibly dressed in white togas. They had a certain sameness about them, as if somewhere in the country there was a little press that st... |
It was a serious matter. It was especially serious because the land’s tenant was by all accounts hard-working and conscientious, while its actual owner was clearly rich and objectionable. * Unfortunately, however one chose to stack the facts, he was also in the right. Teppic thought deeply, and then squinted at Dios. T... |
” And with that it vanished upward. Ptraci let herself slide back down to the chilly stones of the floor. Come in through the door! She wondered how it could manage that. Humans would need to open it first. She crouched in the furthest corner of the cell, staring at the small rectangle of wood. Long minutes went past. ... |
” “Urk?” “The old king told me once that the gods gave people a sense of humor to make up for giving them sex. I think he was a bit upset at the time. ” “Urk. ” Only the whites of Teppic’s eyes were showing. “You don’t say much, do you?” The breeze of the night was blowing her perfume toward him. Ptraci used scent like... |
” “I am sure the late king will be pleased to see you, sire. It is your wish that I should accompany you. ” “Oh. ” It’s a fact as immutable as the Third Law of Sod that there is no such thing as a good Grand Vizier. A predilection to cackle and plot is apparently part of the job spec. High priests tend to get put in th... |
The black marble of its sides was shining white with frost in the roasting afternoon sun. He was foolish enough to touch it and left a layer of skin on the surface. “It’s freezing!” “It’s storing already, O breath of the river,” said Ptaclusp, who was sweating. “It’s the wossname, the boundary effect. ” “I note that yo... |
Attracts new customers. They like to have a look round. ” “Father, you’ve seen the way it soaks up…you’ve seen the frost…” “Let it soak. We Ptaclusps don’t go around capping off pyramids as though we were finishing off a garden wall. We don’t knock off like a wossname in the night. People expect a ceremony. ” “But—” “I... |
Very bright woman, her mother. ” Teppic listened hard. There it was again: a faint breathing noise, only heard at all because of the deep silence of the night. He worked his way to the back of the room, listened again, and lifted the lid of a case. Ptraci was curled up on the bottom, fast asleep with her head on her ar... |
But the stables now held only a handful of rotting war chariots, relics of past glories, an elderly elephant whose presence was a bit of a mystery, and this camel. It looked an extremely inefficient animal. It was going threadbare at the knees. “Well, this is it,” he said to Ptraci. “I don’t dare try the river during t... |
He moved as though in a dream, with the distances changing as though reality was an elastic thing. Another step sent him cannoning into the pair of them. He grabbed Ptraci’s arm and staggered back to the camel stall, where the creature was still cudding and watching the scene with the nearest thing a camel will ever ge... |
Nothing in his long education had prepared him for this, whereas everything in Ptraci’s obviously had. Her long hair whipped his face and smelled beguilingly of rare perfume. * “Are you all right?” he shouted above the wind. “I’m hanging on with my knees!” “That must be very hard!” “You get special training!” Camels ga... |
Some minutes later Ptraci peered out of the shade and saw him get down on his hands and knees. When he started turning over rocks she decided it was time he should come back in out of the sun. He shook her hand off his shoulder, and gestured impatiently. “I’ve found it!” He pulled a knife from his boot and started poki... |
” “I mean, it’ll be called the Lost Kingdom,” said Teppic drowsily. “How will I feel then, I ask you?” “He said he liked my singing, too. Everyone else said it sounded like a flock of vultures who’ve just found a dead donkey. ” “I mean, king of a Lost Kingdom. It’d be dreadful. I’ve got to get it back. ” You Bastard sl... |
“He always used to move sideways,” said Ptaclusp. His son sighed. “Yes, dad,” he said. “But that was just normal. All accountants move like that. Now he’s moving sideways because that’s like, well, it’s like Time to him. ” Ptaclusp frowned. Drifting gently sideways wasn’t IIa’s only problem. He was also flat. Not flat ... |
” “The tortoise did beat the hare,” said Xeno sulkily. “The hare was dead , Xeno,” said the tall man patiently. “Because you shot it. ” “I was aiming at the tortoise. You know, trying to combine two experiments, cut down on expensive research time, make full use of available—” Xeno gestured with the bow, which now had ... |
He was the kind of man that is brought forth by devious and unpleasant hours, and underneath his bald head certain conclusions were beginning to unfold, like things imprisoned for years inside stones. He wasn’t yet sure what they were, but they were broadly on the subject of gods, the new age, the need for a firm hand ... |
He was turning over in his mind an interesting new concept in Thau-dimensional physics which unified time, space, magnetism, gravity and, for some reason, broccoli. Periodically he would make noises like distant quarry blasting, but which merely indicated that all stomachs were functioning perfectly. Ptraci sat under t... |
It felt as though it might give, so he moved his other arm into position, with a great deal of awkwardness, and pushed. There was a distant thump, and a definite feeling of openness above him. He sat up, creaking all the way. The sides of the ceremonial casket still hemmed him in, but to his surprise he found that one ... |
He thought about it, nevertheless, for some time. Then he said, “We must do something about it. ” Dil said, “Your son, sir?” “Never mind about my son, he’s not dead, I’d know about it,” snapped the king. “He can look after himself, he’s my son. It’s my ancestors I’m worried about. ” “But they’re dead —” Dil began. It h... |
“What does that involve?” “Listening. ” “Just listening?” “That’s what they pay me for,” said Endos. “Sometimes I nod. Or smile. Or nod and smile at the same time. Encouragingly, you know. They like that. ” Teppic felt he was called upon to comment at this point. “Gosh,” he said. Endos gave him an encouraging nod, and ... |
All this raised interesting questions about everyday night life in sophisticated Ephebe. He found Ptraci sitting on the grass under a poplar tree, feeding the tortoise. He gave it a suspicious look, in case it was a god trying it on. It did not look like a god. If it was a god, it was putting on an incredibly good act.... |
His gaze turned to his other son, a painted silhouette against the statue, his mouth a frozen O of astonishment, and Ptaclusp reached a decision. “I’ve just about had it with pyramids,” he said. “Remind me, lad. If we ever get out of here, no more pyramids. We’ve got set in our ways. Time to branch out, I reckon. ” “Th... |
“The Congress of The Friendly Dog and the Two Small Biscuits!” she exclaimed, examining the intricate tattoo. “You hardly ever see that these days. Isn’t it well done? You can even make out the yogurt. ” Alfonz froze, and then blushed. Watching the glow spread across the great scarred head was like watching sunrise ove... |
“I always reckoned it was the camels that did it,” he said. “I always thought they sort of called it into place, like it was sort of potentially there but not quite, and it needed just that little bit of effort to make it real. Funny things, camels. ” “I know. ” “Odder than gods. Something the matter?” “Sorry,” said Te... |
“You dead too, young man?” “No, ma’am,” said Gern, in the shaky brave tones of someone on a tightrope over the chasms of madness. “It’s not worth it. Be told. ” “Yes, ma’am. ” The king shuffled across the ancient pavings to the next pyramid. “I know this one,” said the queen. “It was here in my day. King Ashk-ur-men-te... |
“You know where it is, all you’ve got to do is go there!” The soldiers looked around nervously. So did several Tsorteans, who had wandered up to see what was going on. You Bastard got to his feet, knees trembling, and started to spin around in a circle. Teppic clung on. …let d equal 4, thought You Bastard desperately. ... |
“A baby crawls in the morning, stands on both legs at noon, and in the evening an old man walks with a stick. Good, isn’t it?” Teppic bit his lip. “We’re talking about one day here?” he said doubtfully. There was a long, embarrassing silence. “It’s a wossname, a figure of speech,” said the Sphinx irritably, making anot... |
” He caught the eye of the priestess of Sarduk. He hadn’t discussed things with her; indeed, what was there to discuss? But he had an inkling that there was some fellow, sorry, feeling there. She didn’t like Dios very much, but was less in awe of him than were the others. “I told you that the king is dead,” said Dios. ... |
“No, it’s all right, king,” said Gern, enjoying the newfound freedom of thought, “because, the reason being, everyone understands someone , all we have to do is sort them out. ” “Bright lad. Bright lad,” said the king. “ Gern !” They both looked at him in astonishment. “You all right, master?” said Gern. “You’ve gone a... |
Behind him a few of the quicker citizens, seeing the dazed creatures below them, began to look for stones. The crocodiles had been undisputed masters of the river since primordial times, but if it was possible to do a little catching-up in the space of a few minutes, it was certainly worth a try. The sound of the monst... |
It was also very crowded. They waited, sweating. Young Autocue stuttered: “What’ll happen now, sergeant?” The sergeant moved a foot tentatively. The atmosphere would have induced claustrophobia in a sardine. “Well, lad. They’ll find us, see, and be so impressed they’ll drag us all the way back to their city, and then w... |
It was the sound of authority, which stirred antique memories among the ancestors and caused them to look embarrassed and shuffle their feet. One of the younger pharaohs lurched forward. “You bastard,” he croaked. “You laid us out and shut us away, one by one, and you went on. People thought the name was passed on but ... |
The ancestors rose up the face of the pyramid silently, like creepers, each new row settling into position on the shoulders of the generation beneath, while the younger ones climbed on over them. Bony hands grabbed Teppic as the wave of edificeers broke around him, and he was half-pushed, half-pulled up the sloping wal... |
” “It looked a bit wossname, a bit on the sandy side—” “I think you should find somewhere to sit down, dad,” said IIb, as kindly as possible. “Here’s Two-Ay. Hang on to him. ” He crept on alone, climbing over a slab of what felt very suspiciously like black marble. What he wanted, he decided, was a priest. They had to ... |
There’s representatives of the Tsortean and Ephebian armies coming to see me in an hour, and there’s a great deal that’s got to be done first. I can’t go around seeing any salesmen who happen to be passing. What’s he selling, anyway?” “Carpets, your sire. ” “ Carpets ?” It was Chidder, grinning like half a watermelon, ... |
At the Second Hour, there will—” Ptraci sat drumming her fingers on the arms of the throne. Then she took a deep breath. “I’m going to have a bath,” she said. Koomi rocked back and forth a bit. “It is the First Hour,” he repeated, unable to think of anything else. “Your majesty will wish to conduct—” “Koomi?” “Yes, O n... |
” “It’s all very well for you to say,” said the priest sourly, and slunk off. He was replaced a few minutes later by Koomi, very red in the face. “Her majesty requests that you do not leave the kingdom,” he said. Teppic climbed onto You Bastard’s back, and tapped the camel lightly with a prod. “She really means it,” sa... |
” Fantasy and Science Fiction “Consistently, inventively mad…wild and wonderful!” Isaac Asimov’s Science Fiction Magazine “Think J. R. R. Tolkien with a sharper, more satiric edge. ” Houston Chronicle “His books are richly textured, and far more complex than they appear at first. ” Barbara Mertz “Offers more entertainm... |
” * Some translation is needed here. If a foreign ambassador to the Court of St. James wore (out of a genuine desire to flatter) a bowler hat, a claymore, a Civil War Breastplate, Saxon trousers and a Jacobean haircut, he’d create pretty much the same impression. * Younger assassins, who are usually very poor, have ver... |
well, in the nature of things they live wherever they are sent, but their spiritual home is in a hidden valley in the high Ramtops of the Discworld, where the books of history are kept. These aren't books in which the events of the past are pinned like so many butterflies to a cork. These are the books from which histo... |
It was, in any case, hard to talk to Brother Nhumrod, who had a nervous habit of squinting at the speaker's lips and repeating the last few words they said practically as they said them. He also touched things all the time-walls, furniture, people-as if he was afraid the universe would disappear if he didn't keep hold ... |
It wasn't just the Great God that spoke to Vorbis, in the confines of his head. Everyone spoke to an exquisitor, sooner or later. It was just a matter of stamina. Vorbis didn't often go down to watch the inquisitors at work these days. Exquisitors didn't have to. He sent down instructions, he received reports. But spec... |
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