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” Bill Door searched his memory. A TALL MAN , he ventured. W ITH A MUSTACHE ? M ISSING THE TIP OF THE LITTLE FINGER ON HIS LEFT HAND ? Miss Flitworth stared at him over the top of her cup. “You knew him?” she said. I THINK I MET HIM ONCE. “He never mentioned you,” said Miss Flitworth archly. “Not by name. Not as Bill D... |
Y ES , I BELIEVE SO. “You sure you’re all right? You woke up Cyril. ” Y ES. Y ES. I T WAS JUST A —I THOUGHT THAT —Y ES. She blew out the candle. There was already enough pre-dawn light to see by. “Well, if you’re sure…Now I’m up I may as well put the porridge on. ” Bill Door lay back on the hay until he felt he could t... |
“The apothecary who does medicine over in Chambly’s got a skelington on a hook with all wire to hold the bones together,” said the child, with the air of one imparting information gained after diligent research. I DON’T HAVE WIRES. “There’s a difference between alive skelingtons and dead ones?” Y ES. “It’s a dead skeli... |
And…Schleppel?” “Yes?” “It’s creepy, feeling you standing behind me the whole time. ” “I get very upset if I’m not behind something, Mr. Poons. ” “Can’t you lurk behind something else?” “What do you suggest, Mr. Poons?” Windle thought about it. “Yes, it might work,” he said quietly, “if I can find a screwdriver. ” Modo... |
Then he slammed it down on the anvil. A ND I CAN’T SHARPEN IT ENOUGH ! “I think perhaps the heat has got to you,” she said, and reached out and took his arm. “Besides, it looks sharp enough to—” she began, and paused. Her fingers moved on the bone of his arm. They pulled away for a moment, and then closed again. Bill D... |
A UDITORS. I NSPECTORS. Miss Flitworth’s eyes narrowed. “Inspectors? You mean like the Revenoo?” she said. I SUPPOSE SO — Miss Flitworth’s face lit up. “Why didn’t you say? ” I’ M SORRY ? “My father always made me promise never to help the Revenoo. Even just thinking about the Revenoo, he said, made him want to go and ... |
” “Why not?” “In case I heard what rubbish I was saying, I expect. What’s happening, Mrs. Cake? You can tell me. I may be a wizard, but I’m a dead one. ” “Well…” “Schleppel told me it was all due to life force. ” “It’s buildin’ up, see?” “What does that mean ?” “There’s more’f it than there should be. You get”—she wave... |
“Run!” Portly though most of the faculty were, they hit a fair turn of speed up the cloisters, fought one another through the door, slammed it behind them and leaned on it. Very soon afterward, there was a damp, heavy thud on the far side. “We’re well out of that ,” said the Bursar. The Dean looked down. “I think it’s ... |
“Never seen a man cut corn with a scythe before,” said one of them. “It’s a sickle job. ” They stopped for lunch, and ate it under the hedge. Bill Door had never paid a great deal of attention to the names and faces of people, beyond that necessary for business. Corn stretched over the hillside; it was made up of indiv... |
” A ND SIXPENCE IS SIXPENCE ? “Exactly. ” Simnel hesitated. “What was it you were wanting?” The tall figure ran a disconsolate finger over the oily mechanism. “Mr. Door?” P ARDON ? O H. Y ES. I HAD SOMETHING FOR YOU TO DO — He strode out of the forge and returned almost immediately with something wrapped in silk. He un... |
“So what happens to the life force if things stop living?” said Windle. “Is that what’s causing all this trouble?” “You tell the man,” said Mrs. Cake, when One-Man-Bucket seemed reluctant to answer. what trouble you talking about? “Things unscrewing. Clothes running around by themselves. Everyone feeling more alive. Th... |
“Don’t be daft. Dungeon Things have a lot more tentacles and things. They don’t look made. ” They turned at the sound of another trolley. It rattled unconcernedly down a side passage, stopped when it saw or otherwise perceived the wizards, and did a creditable impression of a trolley that had just been left there by so... |
“You stupid—!” he screamed. The word he uttered was unfamiliar to those wizards who had not had his robust country up-bringing and knew nothing of the finer points of animal husbandry. But it plopped into existence a few inches from his face; it was fat, round, black and glossy, with horrible eyebrows. It blew him an i... |
Now I expect you’ll be wanting to be off home. ” “If there’s anything we can do—” “I know where you live. And you ain’t paid no rent there for five years, too. Goodbye, Mr. Spigot. ” She ushered them to the door and shut it in their faces. Then she turned around. “What the hell have you been doing, Mr. So-Called Bill D... |
And they were no longer dodging, but moving blindly, all in the same direction. You could stop a trolley by turning it over, when its wheels spun madly and uselessly. The wizards saw a number of enthusiastic individuals trying to smash them, but the trolleys were practically indestructible—they bent but didn’t break, a... |
“—but I’ve seen ’em thick as milk in some rivers,” said Ridcully. “Fightin’ to get ahead. The whole river just a mass of silver. ” “Fine, fine,” said the Senior Wrangler. “What’d they do that for?” “Well…it’s all to do with breeding. ” “Disgusting. And to think we have to drink water,” said the Senior Wrangler. “Right,... |
Bill Door led the way past the henhouse, where Cyril and his elderly harem were crouched back in the darkness, all trying to occupy the same few inches of perch. There was a pale green glow hovering around the farmhouse chimney. “We call that Mother Carey’s Fire,” said Miss Flitworth. “It’s an omen. ” A N OMEN OF WHAT ... |
Something was going on. A pale blue glow hung over the huge pyramid of twisted metal, and there were occasional flashes of lightning deep within the pile. Trolleys slammed into it like asteroids accreting around the core of a new planet, but a few arrivals did something else. They headed for tunnels that had opened wit... |
Bits of broken trolley tinkled to the ground like metal leaves. Windle bent down stiffly and picked up a pointy hat. It was battered and had been run over by a lot of trolleys, but it was still recognizable as something that by rights should be on someone’s head. “There’s wizards in there,” he said. Silver light glitte... |
“Do you know,” said Ludmilla, “that’s quite possibly the most unpleasant thing I’ve ever seen?” “I’ve seen worse,” said Windle. “But it’s pretty bad. Shall we go up or down?” “You want to stand on them?” “No. But the wizards aren’t on this floor and it’s that or slide down the handrail. Have you looked closely at the h... |
I COULD SHOW YOU — The end of the scythe handle caught him under the chin and knocked him against the wall, where he slid to the ground. We detect a trick. We do not listen. The reaper does not listen to the harvest. Bill Door tried to get up. The scythe handle struck him again. We will not make the same mistakes. Bill... |
“Okay, Reg and me will help you up, come on—” “Me? But I can’t stand heights!” “I thought you could turn into a bat?” “Yeah, but a very nervous one!” “Stop complaining. Right—one foot here, now your hand here, now put your foot on Reg’s shoulder—” “And don’t go through,” said Reg. “I don’t like this!” Arthur moaned, as... |
A few spindles and arms managed to hold together, jerking madly as they spun away from the whirling, slowing confusion. The circle of blades tore free, smashed up through the machine, and skimmed away across the fields. There was a jangle, a clatter, and then the last isolated boing , which is the audible equivalent of... |
Bonsai!” “ I thought that meant chopping bits off trees to make them small,” said the Senior Wrangler. The Dean hesitated. He wasn’t too sure himself, if it came to it. But a good wizard never let uncertainty stand in his way. “No, it’s definitely got to be bonsai,” he said. He considered it some more and then brighten... |
Octarine flame spurted from his fingertips and earthed itself somewhere in the mists. “Yee-haw!” he crowed. “Dean?” “Yes, Archchancellor?” “The comment I made recently about the Y-word…” “Yes? Yes?” “You can definitely include Yee-haw, too. ” The Dean hung his head. “Oh. Yes, Archchancellor. ” “And why hasn’t everythin... |
I’m just not cut out for the undead life, I think. ” Windle looked at Reg Shoe. “Sorry about that. I don’t know how you manage it. ” He grinned apologetically. “You’ve got every right to be alive or dead, just as you choose,” said Reg severely. “One-Man-Bucket says people are dying properly again,” said Mrs. Cake. “So ... |
Then he unclicked the little latch and lifted the lid. Clockwork whirred. The tune wasn’t particularly good. Death had heard all the music that had ever been written, and almost all of it had been better than this tune. It had a plinkety plonkety quality, a tinny little one-two-three rhythm. In the musical box, over th... |
E LSE ? S HOULD THERE BE ANYTHING ELSE ? I S THERE SOMETHING ELSE ? W HAT IS IT THAT SHOULD BE DONE ? “I’m sorry, sir?” A PRESENT FOR A LADY. The shopkeeper was left a little adrift by this sudden turning of the tide of conversation. She swam toward a reliable cliché. “Well, they do say, don’t they, that diamonds are a... |
Nice, though,” she added, grudgingly. “Where’d you get it?” F ROM PEOPLE WHO THOUGHT IT WAS THE TEAR OF A GOD. “And is it?” N O. G ODS NEVER WEEP. I T IS COMMON CARBON THAT HAS BEEN SUBJECT TO GREAT HEAT AND PRESSURE , THAT IS ALL. “Inside every lump of coal there’s a diamond waiting to get out, right?” Y ES , M ISS F ... |
It made him think of wooden figures, whirling through Time until the spring unwound. I DON’T KNOW THAT ONE. “It’s the last waltz. I SUSPECT THERE’S NO SUCH THING. “You know,” said Miss Flitworth, “I’ve been wondering all evening how it’s going to happen. How you’re going to do it. I mean, people have to die of somethin... |
” I N THE CIRCUMSTANCES , A FEW MINUTES MORE WILL NOT MAKE A LOT OF DIFFERENCE. Windle nodded. They stood side by side in silence, while around them was the muted roar of the city. “You know,” said Windle, “it’s a wonderful afterlife. Where were you?” I WAS BUSY. Windle wasn’t really listening. “I’ve met people I never... |
* Many songs have been written about the bustling metropolis, the most famous of course being: “Ankh-Morpork! Ankh-Morpork! So good they named it Ankh-Morpork!”, but others have included “Carry Me Away From Old Ankh-Morpork,” “I Fear I’m Going Back to Ankh-Morpork” and the old favorite, “Ankh-Morpork Malady. ” * It wou... |
The characters, incidents, and dialogue are drawn from the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. REAPER MAN. Copyright © 2007 by Terry and Lyn Pratchett. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Co... |
She just makes herself inconspicuous. She…who… She concentrated. She’d written a little memo to herself against this very eventuality, and it was pinned to the file. She read: You are interviewing Susan Sto Helit. Try not to forget it. “Susan?” she ventured. “Yes, Miss Butts?” If Miss Butts concentrated, Susan was sitt... |
She’d seen other things. For example, she’d never mentioned the strange woman in the dormitory the night Rebecca Snell put a tooth under the pillow. Susan had watched her come through the open window and stand by the bed. She looked a bit like a milkmaid and not at all frightening, even though she had walked through th... |
He kept his eyes shut in order to focus better on the Infinite, and wore nothing but a loincloth in order to show his disdain of discly things. There was a wooden bowl in front of him. He was aware, after a while, that he was being watched. He opened one eye. There was an indistinct figure sitting a few feet away. Late... |
“That shop there…was it there yesterday?” Nobby looked at the peeling paint, the little grime encrusted window, the rickety door. “’Course,” he said. “It’s always been there. Been there years. ” Colon crossed the street and rubbed at the grime. There were dark shapes vaguely visible in the gloom. “Yeah, right,” he mumb... |
Clete had opened the first of the unkempt ledgers and looked at the disorganized mess, he had felt a deep and wonderful feeling. Since then, he’d never looked back. He had spent a long time looking down. And although the Guild had a president and council, it also had Mr. Clete, who took the minutes and made sure things... |
There were battle horns. There were lutes. There were drums. “This is junk,” said Imp under his breath. Glod blew the dust off a crumhorn and put it to his lips, achieving a sound like the ghost of a refried bean. “I reckon there’s a dead mouse in here,” he said, peering into the depths. “It was all right before you bl... |
In books, at least, you were supposed to expect things after a late-night meal like that. “You don’t exist,” she said. “You’re just a piece of cheese. ” SQUEAK? When the creature was sure it had got her full attention, it pulled out a tiny hourglass on a silver chain and pointed at it urgently. Against all rational con... |
Why, a proper wizard might as well not even have bubbling green stuff in bottles as be without his raven sitting on a skull and going ‘caw’—” SQUEAK! “Look, you have to lead up to things with humans,” said the raven wearily. One eye focused on Susan again. “He’s not one for subtleties, him. Rats don’t argue questions o... |
Usually they went into town and bought stale fish and chips from an unfragrant shop in Three Roses Alley; fried food was considered unhealthy by Miss Butts, and, therefore, bought out of school at every opportunity. Girls had to walk in groups of three or more. Peril, in Miss Butts’s conjectural experience, couldn’t ha... |
Susan thought she caught a glimpse of ivory white bone. “Those wretched rats,” said Cassandra, struggling back to reality. “I heard Miss Butts tell the gardener to put poison down. ” “Shame,” said Gloria. Lady Sarah seemed to have something boiling in her mind. “Look, that horse didn’t really stand in midair, did it?” ... |
” “I know his name! I’ve ridden him before!” The raven sighed, or at least made a sort of whistling noise, which is as close to a sigh as a beak can get. “Ride the horse. He’s decided you’re the one. ” “Where to?” “That’s for me not to know and you to find out. ” “Just supposing I was stupid enough to do it…can you kin... |
“And that’s it? You carried me all the way up here for take-away food?” The ground skimmed past faster, and it crept over her that the horse was going a lot faster now, a full gallop instead of the easy canter. A bunching of muscle… …and then the sky ahead of her erupted blue for a moment. Behind her, unseen because li... |
The black towels on it were fused onto it and were quite hard. Whoever actually used the bathroom probably dried themselves on one white-and-blue, very worn towel with the initials Y. M. R-C-I-G-B-S A, A-M. on it. There was even a lavatory, another fine example of C. H. Lavatory’s porcelainic art, with an embossed frie... |
” “Look, Albert,” said Susan, in the voice ones uses to the simple-minded, “even if there was a ‘Death’ like that, and frankly it’s quite ridiculous to go anthropomorphizing a simple natural function, no-one can inherit anything from it. I know about heredity. It’s all about having red hair and things. You get it from ... |
“’Morning,” he said, out of habit rather than any acknowledgment of the time of day. “You want fried bread with your sausages? There’s porridge to follow. ” Susan looked at the mess sizzling in the huge frying pan. It wasn’t a sight to be seen on an empty stomach, although it could probably cause one. Albert could make... |
It was, in solid form, the kind of instrument you dream about when you first start to play—the one you can play without learning. He remembered when he’d first picked up a harp and struck the strings, confidently expecting the kind of lambent tones the old men coaxed from them. He’d got a discord instead. But this was ... |
“Heh heh! It’s in the cat basket! I left all me money to the cat!” Susan looked around. The cat was watching them anxiously from behind the washstand. Susan felt some response was called for. “That was very…kind of you…” she said. “Hah! Mangy thing! Thirteen years of sleepin’ and crappin’ and waiting for the next meal ... |
I think I’ll see if I can have a doggie bag. ” “They’re dead bodies!” “Right!” “What are you eating? ” “It’s all right,” said the raven, backing away. “There’s enough for everyone. ” “That’s disgusting!” “I didn’t kill ’em,” it said. Susan gave up. “She looked a lot like Iron Lily,” she said, as they walked back to the... |
Just a few more seconds… He was really rather attractive, in a dark, curly-headed sort of way. He looked a little elvish. And familiar. She’d felt sorry for Volf, but at least he was on a battlefield. Imp was on a stage. You didn’t expect to die on stage. I’m standing here with a scythe and an hourglass waiting for som... |
It looked very impressive to people whose last meal had been twenty-four hours ago. It wasn’t Guild rate. On the other hand, it had been a long twenty-four hours. “If you come back tomorrow,” said Hibiscus, “I’ll make it…six dollars, how about that?” “Oh, wow,” said Glod. Mustrum Ridcully was jolted upright in bed, bec... |
The Death of Rats walked around it, squeaking under his breath. Susan looked at it, too. There was no doubt that all the sand was in the bottom bulb. But something else had filled the top and was pouring through the pinch. It was pale blue and coiling in frantically on itself, like excited smoke. “Have you ever seen an... |
“Er…yes…I suppose…” “Pleased to hear it,” said Albert, without looking up. The shovel thumped on the barrow. “Only…something happened which probably wasn’t usual…” “Sorry to hear that. ” Albert picked up the wheelbarrow and trundled it in the direction of the garden. Susan knew what she was supposed to do. She was supp... |
A large red-faced man was behind him, craning over his shoulder. “What is it, Bursar?” “Erm, this gentleman has got a—” “It’s about your monkey,” said the man. Ridcully brightened up. “Oh, yes?” “Apparently, erm, he sto— removed some wheels from this gentleman’s carriage,” said the Bursar, who was on the depressive sid... |
Supposing ghastly creatures started coming out of the air?” “What about it?” said the Chair of Indefinite Studies. “Well, we’d be there. ” “Yes? That’s good, is it?” Ridcully glared at his wizards. Two of them were surreptitiously tapping their feet. And several of them appeared to be twitching, very gently. The Bursar... |
They rippled as if in the wind, except that there wasn’t any wind. Susan couldn’t imagine why he’d done it. There was a path, though. It led across the fields for half a mile or so, then disappeared abruptly. It looked as though somebody walked out here occasionally and just stood, looking around. Binky followed the pa... |
ANYWAY, I THOUGHT YOU BELIEVED IN LOGIC. CALLING SOMETHING A FIGURE OF SPEECH DOESN’T MEAN IT’S NOT TRUE. Death waved the hourglass vaguely. FOR EXAMPLE, he said, MANY THINGS ARE BETTER THAN A POKE IN THE EYE WITH A BLUNT STICK. I’VE NEVER UNDERSTOOD THE PHRASE. SURELY A SHARP STICK WOULD BE EVEN WORSE— Death stopped. ... |
The Listening Monks of the Ramtops have trained their hearing until they can tell the value of a playing card by listening to it, and have made it their task to listen intently to the subtle sounds of the universe to piece together, from the fossil echoes, the very first noises. There was certainly, they say, a very st... |
He said: “Hello…er…Ankh-Morpork…” And, this amount of conversation apparently having exhausted him, he started to play. It was a simple little rhythm, one that you might easily have ignored if you’d met it in the street. It was followed by a sequence of crashing chords and then, Ridcully realized, it hadn’t been follow... |
” Cumbling Michael found the words “ But how did you know ole Dibbler was there? I never said ” arranging themselves for the attention of his larynx, and then had second, third, and fourth thoughts about saying them. “He just sat and stared, yerronner. With his mouth open. And then he rushed right out. ” “I see. Oh, de... |
No one rushed to pick up the instrument. “But the thing is,” said Glod, “the thing is…they did love us out there. ” They thought about this. “It didn’t actually feel… bad ,” said Buddy. “Got to admit…I never had an audience like dat in my whole life,” said Cliff. “Oook. ” “If we’re so good,” said Glod, “why ain’t we ri... |
Ridcully pushed his way past him and into the HEM. It was unfamiliar ground for a traditional wizard. There wasn’t a skull or dribbly candle to be seen; this particular room looked like an alchemist’s laboratory had suffered the inevitable explosion and landed in a blacksmith’s shop. Nor did he approve of Stibbons’s ro... |
” Around her the busyness of the library went on. Millions of books quietly carried on writing themselves, causing a rustle like that of cockroaches. She remembered sitting on a knee or, rather, sitting on a cushion on a knee, because the knee itself had been out of the question. Watching a bony finger follow the lette... |
This is what you boys use magic for, is it? Looking at sound? Hey, we’ve got some nice cheese in the kitchen, how about we go and listen to how it smells?” Ponder sighed. “It’s what sound would be if your ears were eyes,” he said. “Really?” said Ridcully, brightly. “Amazing!” “It looks very complicated,” said Ponder. “... |
“What, each?” he said. Dibbler gave them another appraising look. “Oh…no,” he said. “Fair do’s. Ten dollars between you. I mean, be serious. You need exposure. ” “There’s dat word again,” said Cliff. “The Musicians’ Guild’ll be right on our necks. ” “Not this place,” said Dibbler. “Guaranteed. ” “Where is it, then?” sa... |
“Just trying the, you know, just trying the…trying out the…” he muttered. “Just trying…it. ” “We’ll never fill this,” said Buddy. Glod poked in a box by the side of the stage. He said, “They might. Look at these. ” He unrolled a poster. The others clustered round. “Dat’s a picture of us,” said Cliff. “Someone painted a... |
“Don’t even ask,” said Dibbler. “Come on! Otherwise they’ll wreck the place!” Asphalt picked up the rocks. “Okay,” he said. “No,” said Buddy. “What this?” said Dibbler. “Nerves?” “No. Music should be free. Free as the air and the sky. ” Glod’s head spun around. Buddy’s voice had a faint suggestion of an echo. “Sure, ri... |
You see him?” She pointed to the stage, where Buddy was in mid-riff. “He’s going to die soon because…because of silliness. And if you can’t do anything about it, go away! ” Ridcully glanced at the stage. When he looked back, Susan had vanished. He made a mighty effort and thought he caught a glimpse of her a little way... |
He wasn’t sure what it was, only that he’d know it if he ever saw it. It was very dark in the alley behind the Cavern, and only the keenest sighted would have seen several figures pressed against the wall. The occasional glint of a tarnished sequin would indicate to those who knew about such things that these were the ... |
Ridcully waded over, coffee froth dripping from his hat. “Something bloody stupid’s been going on here,” he said, “and I’m going to wait quite patiently until the Dean owns up. ” “I don’t see why you should assume it was me,” muttered a coffee-colored column. “Well, who was it, then?” “The Dean said the coffee ought to... |
It had sounded like a perfectly sincere offer but, somehow, he was suddenly not at all thirsty. “Don’t let me keep you, then. Thank you so very much,” said Lord Vetinari. “Er…” “Yes?” “Er…nothing…” “Very good. ” When Ron had buggrit, buggrit, buggrem’d down the stairs the Patrician tapped his pen thoughtfully on the pa... |
Someone fetch me a broom. No, someone fetch me a shovel. Then someone fetch me a broom. ” “It’ll do,” said Buddy. He put down his guitar and stretched out on the wooden slab that was apparently one of the beds. “Cliff,” said Glod, “can I have a word?” He jerked a stubby thumb at the door. They conferred on the landing.... |
The shop vanished. A moment later, it reappeared on the other side of the road. Buddy lay looking at the ceiling. How did food taste? It was hard to remember. He’d eaten meals over the last few days, he must have done, but he couldn’t remember the taste. He couldn’t remember much of anything, except the playing. Glod a... |
“Caught some lad trying to paste this onto our gates. Blooming cheek! So I took it off him and told him to hop it, which was,” Ridcully looked smugly at his fingertips, “quite appropriate as it turned out. It’s going on about some festival of Music With Rocks In. It’ll all end with monsters from another dimension break... |
“He was supposed to have died quite ridiculously, and I was going to save him, and then the music saved him, and now it’s getting him into all sorts of trouble and I’ve got to save him anyway and I don’t know why. ” “Music?” said Ridcully. “Does he play a sort of guitar?” “Yes! How did you know?” Ridcully sighed. “When... |
I REMEMBER EVERYTHING. AS IF IT HAPPENED ONLY TOMORROW. EVERYTHING. He looked down at his drink. AH, he said, FUNNY HOW THINGS COME BACK TO YOU, ISN’T IT. It was the most impressive collapse the bar had ever seen. The tall dark stranger fell backward slowly, like a tree. There was no sissy sagging of the knees, no cop-... |
People without names. People who were as invisible as he was. People for whom Death was always an option. He could stay here a while. “ Free music,” Clete growled. “Free! What sort of idiot makes music for free? At least you put a hat down, get people to drop the odd copper in. Otherwise what’s the point?” He stared at... |
He yelled: “Hello, Scrote!” The name board over the livery stable parted from its last nail and landed in the dust. “What I like about this life on the road,” said Glod, “is the fascinating people and interesting places. ” “I expect it comes alive at night,” said Asphalt. “Yes,” said Cliff. “Yes, I can believe dat. Yes... |
I’m working, people are listening to me…I don’t need any more help, all right? I’ve got enough to worry about, so please keep out of my life—” There was the sound of running feet and Asphalt appeared, with the other members of the band behind him. “The guitar was screaming,” said Asphalt. “Are you all right?” “You’d be... |
Your trousers don’t have to listen. ” SPARE A COPPER, YOUNG SIR? “Push off, granddad,” said Crash easily. GOOD LUCK TO YOU. “Too many beggars around these days, my father says,” said Crash, as they pushed past. “He says the Beggars’ Guild ought to do something about it. ” “But the beggars all belong to the Guild,” said... |
“Only there’s some men in uniform out here. With shovels. ” Back in Ankh-Morpork, Mr. Clete was astonished. “But we hired you!” he said. “The term is ‘retained,’ not ‘hired,’” said Lord Downey, head of the Assassins’ Guild. He looked at Clete with an expression of unconcealed distaste. “Unfortunately, however, we can n... |
Well, the bastards had shot us full of arrows, right? An’ it looked like it was all up with us. Then someone suggested sticking bodies up on the battlements with their spears and crossbows and everything so’s the bastards’d think we was still up to strength—” “It’s not an original idea, mind you,” said the sergeant. “B... |
” “TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS!” “Ssh!” said Asphalt, desperately, as Glod’s shout echoed off the hills. “This is bandit country!” Glod eyed the satchel. “You’re telling me,” he said. “I don’t mean Mr. Dibbler!” “We’re on the road between Sto Lat and Quirm,” said Glod patiently. “This isn’t the Ramtops road. This is civilizat... |
The road stretched ahead of them, pale in the starlight. “You said you just wanted to work,” said Cliff. “You said you didn’t want to be famous. How’d you like it, having to worry about all dat gold, and having girls throw deir chain mail at you?” “I’d just have to put up with it. ” “I’d like a quarry,” said the troll.... |
Then the rat grabbed Albert’s collar and tried to pull him out of the gutter, but there was a warning tinkle of glass. The eye sockets turned madly toward the Drum’s closed door. Ossified whiskers bristled. A moment later Hibiscus opened the door, if only to stop the thunderous knocking. “I said we’re—” Someone shot be... |
“Eyes crossed in a crowded room?” said Glod. “No, not really—” They were pushed aside as Buddy leaned forward. “Shut up,” he said. The voice was low and contained no trace whatsover of humor. “We were only joking,” said Glod. “Don’t. ” Asphalt concentrated on the road, aware of the general lack of amiability. “I expect... |
“When I was a lad we had proper music with real words…‘Summer is icumen in, lewdly sing cuckoo,’ that sort of thing. ” Asphalt looked at & U again. “Well, it’s got a beat and you can dance to it,” he said, “but they’re not very good. I mean, people are just watching them. They don’t just watch when The Band are playing... |
He returned before the audience had realized what was happening. He was carrying the harp. He stood facing the audience. Glod, who was closest to him, heard him murmur: “Just once? Cwm on? Just one more time? And then I’lll do whatefer you want, see? I’ll pay for it. ” There were a few faint chords from the guitar. Bud... |
Dibbler’s really not going to like this,” said Asphalt, as the cart swung out onto the road. “Any…moment…now,” said Dibbler. “I expect so,” said Crash. “Because they’re stamping their feet, I think. ” There was indeed a certain thumping under the cheers. “You wait,” said Dibbler. “They’ll judge it just right. No proble... |
THIS IS VERY EMBARRASSING. SHE HAS SOME OF MY POWER. I DO SEEM MOMENTARILY UNABLE TO…ER… The Death of Rats squeaked helpfully. NO. YOU LOOK AFTER HIM. I KNOW WHERE THEY’RE GOING. HISTORY LIKES CYCLES. Death looked at the towers of Unseen University, rising over the rooftops. AND SOMEWHERE IN THIS TOWN IS A HORSE I CAN ... |
The rest was junk. Bones and tree branches and a jackdaw’s banquet of geegaws. A horse’s skull was strapped over the front wheel, and feathers and beads hung from every point. It was junk, but as it stood in the flickering glow it had a dark, organic quality—not exactly life, but something dynamic and disquieting and c... |
He was looking straight into the gorge. Behind him, wood creaked. Someone was holding on to his leg. “Who’s that?” he whispered, in case heavier words would send the cart over. “It’s me. Asphalt. Who’s that holding on to my foot?” “Me,” said Cliff. “What’re you holding on to, Glod?” “Just…something my flailing hand hap... |
Something went past in a blur and vanished in the darkness, leaving a line of blue flames that flickered for a little while and then went out. Death was aware that at some point he would have to stop. But it was creeping up on him that in whatever dark vocabulary the ghost machine had been envisaged, the words “slow do... |
The strings parted, and something accelerated away, toward the snow and the stars. Death looked at the wreckage with some satisfaction. NOW THAT’S MUSIC WITH ROCKS IN. He snapped his fingers. The moon rose over Ankh-Morpork. The park was deserted. The silver light flowed over the wreckage of the stage, and the mud and ... |
The blue glow in Death’s eyes gradually faded, and as the light died it sucked at her gaze so that it was dragged into the eye sockets and the darkness beyond… …which went on and on, forever. There was no word for it. Even eternity was a human idea. Giving it a name gave it a length; admittedly, a very long one. But th... |
Or sea anemones. The principle is the same. In any case, it soon fills up with whatever is the local equivalent of fast-food boxes and derelict lager cans. * According to rural legend—at least in those areas where pigs are a vital part of the household economy—the Hogfather is a winter myth figure who, on Hogswatchnigh... |
” Express (London) B OOKS BY T ERRY P RATCHETT The Carpet People The Dark Side of the Sun Strata • Truckers Diggers • Wings Only You Can Save Mankind Johnny and the Dead • Johnny and the Bomb The Unadulterated Cat (with Gray Jollife) Good Omens (with Neil Gaiman) T HE D ISCWORLD ® S ERIES : Going Postal • Monstrous Reg... |
When she opened her eyes the window was, as she knew it would be, firmly shut. The curtain hung demurely. The candle flame was innocently upright. Oh, no, not again. Not after all this time. Everything had been going so well— “Thusan?” She looked around. Her door had been pushed open and a small figure stood there, bar... |
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