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The rest of you fellows had better see if there’s any fresh water. And food. Knock down a few coconuts. That sort of thing. ” “And what will you do, Archchancellor?” said the Senior Wrangler nastily. “I shall be the Protein Acquisition Committee,” said Ridcully, waving his fishing rod. “You going to stand here and fish... |
There were coconuts, other nuts of various sizes, and assorted hairy or knobbly vegetable things. “All rather primitive,” said the Dean. “And probably poisonous. ” “Well, the Bursar’s been eating things like there’s no tomorrow,” said the Lecturer in Recent Runes. The Bursar burped happily. “That doesn’t mean there wil... |
Cloak of invisibility, potion of strength, something like that…” “That stuffs for people who know how to use them, mister. You’ll have to rely on your native wit. ” “I’ve got nothing ? What sort of quest is that? Can’t you give me any hints?” “You may have to drink some beer,” said the kangaroo. It cringed back for a m... |
“We just think it’s like a plum pudding because it tastes exactly like a…plum pudding…” His voice trailed off. “It’s got plums and currants in it,” said the Senior Wrangler. “Pass the custard squash, will you?” “My point is that we only think they look like currants and plums—” “No, we also think they taste like curran... |
You’ve got to ask yourself what’s in it for the bush, you see? If there were people here, well, I suppose you might get a sort of nicotine tree eventually, because they’d smoke the cigarettes—I mean,” he corrected himself, because he prided himself on his logical thought, “these things that look like cigarettes, and st... |
” “Just ‘Mad’? That’s an…unusual name. ” “It ain’t a name. ” Rincewind stared. There was no doubt that his captor was a dwarf. He didn’t have the traditional beard or iron helmet, but there were other little ways that you could tell. There was the chin that you could break coconuts on, the fixed expression of ferocity,... |
The only curses of his that stood a chance of working were on the lines of “May you get rained on at some time in your life,” and “May you lose some small item despite the fact that you put it there only a moment ago. ” Going pale green…he looked down…oh, yes, and slightly yellow in blotches, now…was not the usual effe... |
“Archchancellor!” So how long have you been mad? No, not a good start, really…It was quite hard to know how to open the conversation. “So…I didn’t expect dwarfs here,” Rincewind said. “Oh, the family blew in from NoThingfjord when I was a kid,” said Mad. “Meant to go down the coast a bit, storm got up, next thing we’re... |
“ No , sir,” said Ponder. “Please! What I was trying to get across, sir, is that anything you do in the past changes the future. The tiniest little actions can have huge consequences. You might…tread on an ant now and it might entirely prevent someone from being born in the future!” “Really?” said Ridcully. “Yes, sir!”... |
They crossed a wooden bridge, although Rincewind couldn’t see why anyone had bothered to build it. It seemed a lot of effort just to cross a stretch of dry sand. “Sand?” said Mad. “That’s the Lassitude River, that is!” And, indeed, a small boat went past. It was being towed by a camel and was making quite good time on ... |
There was a philosophical wrongness about drawing a crocodile’s attention to the fact that there were a couple of kangaroos in the bar. “Youse wanta nother beer?” said Dongo. “Yeah, right,” said Rincewind. He looked at the sign on the beer pump. It was a picture of a grinning kangaroo. The label said: Roo Beer. He rais... |
“That’s right, there were animals drinking in there!” “Yes and no,” said the kangaroo. “I tried to explain…” “I’m all ears,” said Rincewind. His eyes glazed for a moment. “No, I’m not, I’m all bladder. Back in a minute. ” The buzz of flies and a sort of universal smell drew Rincewind into a nearby hut. Some people woul... |
“She walks differently without her shoes on, doesn’t she? Are you all right, Senior Wrangler?” “Mwaa?” “I think the heat’s getting to you. You’ve gone very red. ” “I’m a mwaa…I’m…gosh, it is hot, isn’t it…? I think perhaps I should have a dip too…” “In the lagoon,” said Ridcully, meaningfully. “Oh, the salt’s very bad ... |
“I mean, I simply tried to appear in front of you in a form that you recognize as godly,” said the god. “A long beard and a nightshirt seem to be the thing, although the facial hair is a little puzzling. ” “It’s a sign of wisdom,” said Ridcully. “Said to be,” said Ponder, who’d never been able to grow one. “Wisdom: ins... |
Will you stop doing that!” The handkerchief plant had just put forth another fruit. The god narrowed his eyes, pointed his finger and incinerated it. As one man the wizards stepped back. “I stop concentrating for five minutes and everything loses any sense of discipline,” said the god. “Everything wants to make itself ... |
You kept pointing to the Roo Beer pofter and finging…” Crocodile’s huge jaws moved as he tried to remember, “Tie my kangaroo up. ’ Bloody good fong. ” “And then I…?” “Then you loft all your money playing Two Up with Daggy’s shearing gang. ” “That’s…I…there were these two coins, and the bloke’d toss them in the air, and... |
Rincewind stood back, looked critically at his handiwork, and then showed the sheep the back of its head in the mirror, at which point the creature cracked, managed to get its feet under it and made a run for the paddock. “Hey, wait till I take the curlers out!” Rincewind shouted after it. He became aware of the sheare... |
” One of the men said, “Why din’t you tell him about the drop-bears over that way?” “He’s a wizard, ain’t he? He’ll find out. ” “Yeah, but only when they bloody drop on his head. ” “Quickest way,” said Daggy. “Daggy?” “Yup?” “How long did you say you’d had that horse?” “Ages. Won it off a bloke. ” “Right?” “Right. ” “R... |
The budgerigars thought this was some sort of entertainment. “Bug’roff!” they twittered. Rincewind gave up, stamped on the ground a few times, and tried to sleep. When he awoke, it was to a sound very much like a donkey being sawn in half. It was a kind of rhythmic scream of pain, anguished and forlorn, setting the tee... |
Snowy’s nostrils flared and, without even pausing, he continued down the slope. He should have skidded, Rincewind saw. In fact he should have dropped. The slope was almost vertical. Even mountain goats would only try it roped together. Stones bounced around him and a few of the larger ones managed to hit him on the bac... |
“How mad is that, then?” said Rincewind. Clancy leaned on his saddle and looked nervously at the other men. He licked his lips. “Well, it’s…” “Yes?” “Well, it’s…it’s…” His face twisted up. “It’s…” “Ver’…?” Rincewind hinted. “Ver’…” Clancy mumbled, clutching the syllable like a lifeline. “Hmm?” “Ver…ry…” “Keep going, ke... |
” “You don’t think just, you know, moving the legs about would be simpler?” “Oh, we’d never get anywhere if I just copied earlier ideas,” said the god. “Diversify and fill all niches, that’s the ticket. ” “But is lying on your side in a mud hole with your wheels spinning a very important niche?” said Ponder. The god lo... |
Only the Archchancellor’s legs were visible in the exploded elephant. There were muffled noises from inside the whale; they sounded very much like the Lecturer in Recent Runes saying, “Look at what happens when I twist this bit…See, that purple bit wobbles. ” “Amazin’ piece of work,” said Ridcully, emerging from the el... |
Is this a signal of some sort? I also note that you are a different shape from the others and don’t have a beard. I assume that means you are less wise?” Ponder saw Mrs. Whitlow’s eyes narrow and her nostrils flare. “Is there some sort of problem, sirs?” she said. “Ai followed your footprints to that funny boat, and th... |
“Er, yes…” “I’m sure Mister Stibbons will uphold the fine traditions of the University!” said Ridcully heartily. Ponder, who knew all about the traditions of the University, nodded very slightly. His heart was pounding. He hadn’t even felt like this when he’d first worked out how to program Hex. At last he’d found his ... |
Food was always available for the asking at Unseen University, you could say that for the place, even if you said it with your mouth full. And, ridiculous though it sounded now, he’d hardly ever done that. The dish of potatoes’d come past at mealtimes and he’d probably have a spoonful but, sometimes, he wouldn’t! He’d…... |
As he was stuffing it into the sack a voice said: “That probably belongs to someone, you know. ” The man looked around hurriedly. The voice was coming from a group of sheep. “I reckon you could get into serious trouble, stealing sheep. You’ll regret it later on, I’m sure. Probably someone really cares about that sheep.... |
” “Indeed, Dean? And exactly how do you work that out?” “It’s not my opinion , man, it’s written into the Faculty structure!” “Of where, precisely?” “Have you gone totally Bursar? Unseen University, of course!” “And where is that, exactly?” said the Senior Wrangler, carefully arranging some lilies in a pleasing design.... |
“I’d have to get someone to help me bring a table down here,” said the warder doubtfully. “Can’t see it happening, mister. Sorry. ” “Right. Okay. ” Rincewind thought for a moment. “All right…Is my dinner likely to be brought in by a young lady carrying, and this is important, carrying a tray covered with a cloth ?” “No... |
” He stepped aside. The wall-shaped men were holding a length of chain, several shackles and a small but very, very heavy-looking ball. Rincewind sighed. One door closes, he thought, and another door slams shut. “This is good, is it?” he said. “Oh, yew’ll get an extra verse for that, for sure,” said the warder. “No one... |
Whitlow, who spent a lot of the time sunbathing behind a screen. Her privacy was assured by the wizards themselves, since at least three of them would probably kill any of the others who ventured within ten feet of the palm leaves. There was definitely what Ponder’s aunt, who’d raised him, would have called An Atmosphe... |
What Rincewind looked for in a good gaol were guards who, instead of ruining everyone’s night by prowling around the corridors, got together in one room with a few tins and a pack of cards and relaxed. It made it so much more…friendly. And, of course, easier to walk past. He turned—and there was the kangaroo, huge and ... |
Puts a lining on your stomach,” said Dibbler, producing a red bottle. “And what’s that ?” “The cut de grass , mate. ” “You’re tipping a meat pie into a dish of pea soup and now you want me to eat it with…with tomato sauce on it?” “Pretty colors, ain’t they?” said Fair Go, handing Rincewind a spoon. Rincewind prodded th... |
Around him, some of the wizards managed to push themselves to their knees. The Dean frowned, removed his hat, and pulled out a small crab. “’s a good boat,” he murmured. The green mast stem still stood, although the leaf sail looked ragged. Nevertheless, the boat was tacking nicely against the wind off— —the continent.... |
A piece of wreckage hit Ponder on the head and pushed him under, into a blue world where his ears went gloing-gloing. When he struggled to the surface again this noise turned out to be an argument. Once again, the sheer magic of Unseen University triumphed. When treading water in a circle of sharks, a wizard will alway... |
“Has Charley drunk all the beer, do you think?” Rincewind said, sitting down. “Maybe we can find some bananas, Ron,” said another cook. Rincewind’s eyes unfocused and his lips moved again. “Did you tell Charley that?” he said at last. “Yep. Just before he broke down. ” There was the sound of running feet outside. One o... |
” “All I did was—” “Doesn’t matter! The number of gaolers who want to shake you by the hand, well, I reckon they wouldn’t get around to hanging you by lunchtime!” “Listen, you giant jumping rat, I’ve made it to the docks, okay? I can outrun them! I can lie low! I know how to stow away, throw up, get discovered, be thro... |
A real carnival procession should only take place after the pubs have been open for a good long time. It adds to the spontaneity. There were cheers, whistles, jeers and catcalls. Up ahead, people were blowing horns. Dancers whirled past Rincewind’s peephole. He sat back and pulled a swathe of taffeta over his head. Thi... |
The seed changed direction, cruised gently over the backwash and crunched to a halt on the sand. The Bursar stepped off. “Hooray,” he said. “My feet are wet. What a nice forest. Time for tea. ” He picked up the seed and rammed it point first in the sand. Then he wandered away up the beach. “How did he do that?” said Ri... |
“How…old…hwee…I…ha…look?” he panted. “Like someone who shouldn’t…hwee…start reading a long book?” “A long sentence,” said Ridcully cheerfully, holding him up. “How old do you feel? In yourself?” “I…hwee…ought to feel…hwee…about twenty-four, sir,” Ponder groaned. “I actually…hwee…feel like a twenty-four-year-old who has... |
” The Bursar had experienced some changes of age as he wandered through the wet but barren land, but to a man capable of being a vase of flowers for an entire afternoon this was barely a mild distraction. What had caught his eye was a fire. It was burning bits of driftwood, and the flames were edged with blue from the ... |
Can you give me a hand out?” It dawned on Rincewind that the girl clambering out of the Luggage was Neilette, the third member of Letitia’s crew and the one who’d seemed quite plain compared to the others and certainly a lot less…well, noisy wasn’t quite the word. Probably the word was “expansive. ” They filled the spa... |
” Rincewind felt upwards, gingerly. Maybe the Luggage had more than one inside. He’d suspected as much. Maybe it was like one of those conjurer’s boxes where, after you’d put a penny in, the drawer miraculously slid around and it had gone. Rincewind had been given one of those as a toy when he was a kid. He’d lost almo... |
Behind the Dean a snake wriggled away. “Anyone feel anything odd?” said the Lecturer in Recent Runes. “My fingers tingled. Did any of you do any magic just then?” The Dean picked up a burnt twig. The painter’s mouth dropped open as the wizard drew a scratching line on the stone. “I think you might be offending him,” sa... |
“Look, I don’t know how to make it rain. I thought any halfway decent wizard knew how to do a rainmaking spell,” he added, as someone who wouldn’t know where to start. “Really?” said the Archchancellor, with dangerous brightness. “No offense meant,” said Rincewind hurriedly. “I’m sure this is a very good university, co... |
” “Y’see, when the sun’s up,” said Archchancellor Bill, “I’ve got to go down to the prison and see the prime minister and explain why we don’t know what’s happened to the water. Anything you can do to assist would be very useful. Give him another tinnie, Dean. People’re already banging on the gates. Once the beer runs ... |
You’ve got hats that’re more brim than point, the whole university’s made of tin, you’ve got a tiny tower which is, I must admit, good grief, a lot taller on the outside, but you’re wizards all right, and will you now, please, shut up ?” In the silence there was, very faintly, a plink. Rincewind stared into the depths ... |
It was no good trying to be strictly true to life here; what he had to go for was an impression. He sloshed wildly at the stone, humming madly under his breath. “Anyone guess what it is yet?” he said, over his shoulder. “Looks a bit modern to me,” said the Dean. But Rincewind was into the swing of it now. Any fool coul... |
It wasn’t even as if they could do a rainmaking spell. For one of those to work you needed some rain around to start with. In fact, it was prudent to make sure that some heavy-looking clouds were being blown in your direction. And if it wasn’t raining then probably those terrible currents they talked about were still a... |
Uses nanny’s demons. ” “Nano-demons, possibly,” murmured Ponder wearily. “Oh, like Bonza Charlie’s Beaut Sieve? Yeah, we’ve got that. ” “Ah, parallel evolution. Fine. Dig it out, man. ” Archchancellor Rincewind nodded at one of the wizards, and then broke into a grin. “Are you thinking about it working on salt?” he sai... |
“No worries!” “But…er…” “Yes, mate?” “Do you mind not humming that tune? It was only a sheep, and I didn’t even steal it…” Someone tapped him on the shoulder. It was Neilette. Letitia and Darleen were standing behind her, grinning. It was ten in the morning. They were wearing sequined evening gowns. “Budge up,” she sai... |
Afternoon sunlight sliced through into the still waters. The boomerang hung in the sky, and the boy thought he would have to find a new word for the way the colors glowed. In the meantime, he looked down at the water and tried out the word he’d been taught by his grandfather, who’d been taught it by his grandfather, an... |
He places his characters, who behave in a very [contemporary] everyday way, in the unlikeliest situations, juxtaposing the probable and improbable to provide a view from a new, usually humorous perspective…Just about every icon from popular Australian culture is trotted out, but it’s done with such freshness and genial... |
But mostly there was the knowledge that one day, quite soon, it would be all over. "Ah, well, life goes on," people say when someone dies. But from the point of view of the person who has just died, it doesn't. It's the universe that goes on. Just as the deceased was getting the hang of everything it's all whisked away... |
" "The mountain at the Hub of the world, sir? Why?" "I was hoping you would tell me, Mr Stibbons. That's why I'm here. " The Librarian ambled past again, with another load of books. Another response of the wizards, when faced with a new and unique situation, was to look through their libraries to see if it had ever hap... |
"And if the resulting kablooie takes place atop the mountain, which is the hub of the world's magic field, it will, as I understand it, result in the field collapsing for. . . remind me, Mister Stibbons?" "About two years," he said. "Really? Well, we can do without magic for a couple of years, can't we?" said Mr Slant,... |
"That's what heroes want, isn't it? To crush the thrones of the world beneath their sandalled feet, as the poet puts it?" "Yes, sir. " "So what's this? One last throw of the dice? Why ?" "I can't understand it, sir. I mean. . . they had it all. " "Clearly," said the Patrician. "But everything wasn't enough, was it?" Th... |
"Icy wastes, freezing nights. . . good saga country. " "Yeah, if you like blubber. " Cohen drew his sword from the snowdrift. "I reckon I'd better go and take the lad's mind off of flowers, then. " "It appears that things revolve around the Disc," said Leonard. "This is certainly the case with the sun and the moon. And... |
" He sighed. "And then I'll run away, and probably hide in a crate somewhere that'll be loaded on to the flying machine in any case. " "Will you?" "Probably, sir. Or there'll be a whole string of accidents that end up causing the same thing. Trust me, sir. I know how my life works. So I thought I'd better cut through t... |
"It's damn cold," said Caleb. "Feeling your age, are you?" said Boy Willie. "You're as old as you feel, I always say. " "Whut?" "HE SAYS YOU'RE AS OLD AS YOU FEEL, HAMISH!" "Whut? Feelin' whut?" "I don't think I've become old ," said Boy Willie. "Not your actual old. Just more aware of where the next lavatory is. " "Th... |
"But you know what? It's dull. Everyone creepin' around bein' respectful, no one to fight, and those soft beds give you backache. All that money, and nothin' to spend it on 'cept toys. It sucks all the life right out of you, civilisation. " "It killed Old Vincent the Ripper," said Boy Willie. "He choked to death on a c... |
It had all been done by not answering prayers, but doing so in a sort of dynamic way that left open the possibility that one day he might and then there'd be fireworks. Hughnon, who had survived through decades of intense theological dispute by being a mean man at swinging a heavy thurible, was impressed by this novel ... |
Evil Harry knelt in front of a hastily constructed altar. It consisted mostly of skulls, which were not hard to find in this cruel landscape. And now he prayed. In a long lifetime of being a Dark Lord, even in a small way, he'd picked up a few contacts on the other planes. They were. . . sort of gods, he supposed. They... |
" Well , if you're not going to expect unexpected flames, what's the point of going anywhere? " "And we'd have been in some strife with those gate demons from the netherworlds if Mad Hamish hadn't woken up," Cohen went on. Hamish stirred in his wheelchair, under a pile of large fish fillets inexpertly wrapped in saffro... |
"Y'see," said Cohen, reaching into his pack, "I found this old scroll, showing a map of how to get to the Mountains and all the little tricks for getting past ―" "Me too," said Harry. "You never told me!" "I'm a DarkLord , Cohen," said Evil Harry patiently. "I'm not supposed to be Captain Helpful. " "Tell me where you ... |
" The strange feature of the mountain was this: once a foot was set on it, direction became a matter of personal choice. To put it another way, gravity was optional. It stayed under your feet, no matter which way your feet were pointing. Evil Harry wondered why it was affecting only him. The Horde seemed entirely unmov... |
" "Could we focus on that technicality?" "Strictly speaking, there won't be any down. As such. Er. . . you could say that you will be travelling so fast that you won't be in any one place long enough to fall down. " Ponder sought a glimmer of understanding in Rincewind's face. "Or, to put in another way, you'll be fall... |
The crew had been up here before. They knew the layout. There was one little bed further aft, on the basis that there would only be time for any one person to be asleep. String bags had been stapled to every bit of unused wall to hold water bottles and food. Unfortunately, some of Lord Vetinari's committees, devised in... |
"The second-stage dragons will be about ready to burn now," said Leonard. "We had better get on, Mr Stibbons. " "Please take careful observations of all ―" Ponder began, but Leonard had politely closed the case. "Now then," he said, "if you gentlemen will undo the clips beside you and turn the large red handles you sho... |
"Don't be silly," said Carrot. "We're sealed in!" "So. . . your apple ate itself?" They looked at the jumble of bundles held in the webbing behind them. "I mean, call me Mr Suspicious," said Rincewind, "but if the ship is heavier than Leonard thought, and we're using up more air, and food is vanishing ―" "You're not su... |
And there's millions o' worlds. " He took a pull of his cigarette and rubbed his forehead with the back of his thumb. "It's a bugger. " He nodded at the minstrel. "What did your mate Carelinus do after he'd blown his nose?" "Look, you really shouldn't think of him like that," said the minstrel hotly. "He built a huge e... |
"Ah," said Leonard. "How clever. Gentlemen, behold the moon!" "We're going to hit the moon instead?" said Carrot. "Is that better? " "My feelings exactly," said Rincewind. "Ook!" "I don't think we're going so very fast," said Leonard. "We're only just catching it up. I think Mr Stibbons intends that we land on it. " He... |
" "Should aerial travel become widespread," said Leonard, "it would be a useful idea to grow forests in the shape of the name of the country, or of other areas of note. I will bear this in mind. " "I wasn't actually sugges ―" Carrot began. And then he stopped, and just sighed. They went on watching, unable to tear them... |
"You were just going to rush in, weren't you? Heroes never have a plan. It's always left up to us Dark Lords to have the plans. This is the home of the gods , lads! You think they won't notice a bunch of humans wandering around?" "We are intendin' to have a magnificent death," said Cohen. "Right, right. Afterwards. Oh,... |
Some say, however, that it is all a lot more complicated and this explanation only applies to the shorter neck of the okapi. And so it is. " The N'tuitif are a peaceful people, and have been hunted almost to extinction by neighbouring tribes, who have lots of imagination, and therefore plenty of gods, superstitions and... |
Rincewind tried mopping his brow with a wet sponge. "Of course I watched him," said Carrot, glancing back at the gently moving levers. "But he built it, so it was easy for him. Um. . . I shouldn't touch that, sir. . . " The Librarian had swung himself into the driver's seat and was sniffing the levers. Somewhere undern... |
POSSIBLY. I’M AFRAID THE UNCERTAINTY PRINCIPLE IS MAKING MY JOB VERY DIFFICULT. HOW ABOUT A MAGAZINE? The Kite curved around and began to glide gently towards the clouds around Cori Celesti. The Librarian glared at the levers, bit one or two of them, tugged the handle of Prince Haran's Tiller and then swung himself bac... |
"It would be advisable," said Leonard, "to hold on to something. " He pulled a small handle labelled 'Sekarb'. Now the Kite stopped. In a very dynamic sort of way. The gods looked down. A hatch opened in the strange wooden bird. It fell off and rolled a little way. The gods saw a figure get out. He appeared, in many wa... |
"On the other hand. . . giving up their lives to save everyonein the world. . . that's a good ending, too. " "But it was them who were going to blow it up!" "Still very brave of them, though. " "In a way, I suppose. " Carrot shook his head sadly. "Perhaps we could get down and check. " "It's a great bubbling crater of ... |
" "You help me get down and I'll write you into the saga as the most wicked, iniquitous and depraved evil warlord there has even been, understand?" The head came up again, wheezing. "All right, all right. But you gotta promise. . . " "And if you betray me, remember that I don't know the Code! I don't have to let Dark L... |
"We've just been overtaken by some men on horseback. " he said. "Ook," said the Librarian, which probably meant. "Some of us have got some flying to do. " "I just thought I'd mention it. " Spiralling through the air like a drunken clown, the Kite climbed the column of hot air from the distant crater. It was the only in... |
It was said that, since vast amounts of magic can seriously distort the mundane world, the Library did not obey the normal rules of space and time. It was said that it went on forever. It was said that you could wander for days among the distant shelves, that there were lost tribes of research students somewhere in the... |
“Yea, the Elucidated Brethren, guardian of the sacred knowledge since a time no man may wot of—” “Last February,” said Brother Doorkeeper helpfully. The Supreme Grand Master felt that Brother Doorkeeper had never really got the hang of things. “Sorry. Sorry. Sorry,” said the worried figure. “Wrong society, I’m afraid. ... |
And the people next door oppress me all night long. I tell them, I work all day, a man’s got to have some time to learn to play the tuba. That’s oppression, that is. If I’m not under the heel of the oppressor, I don’t know who is. ” “Put like that—” said Brother Watchtower slowly—“I reckon my brother-in-law is oppressi... |
“You prob’ly dint know this, when you was banged up with them venerable herberts on their mountain, but the wizards around here come down on you like a ton of bricks if they catches you doin’ anything like that. ” “Demarcation, they call it,” said Brother Plasterer. “Like, I don’t go around fiddling with the mystic int... |
“But you’re my kind!” said Carrot desperately. “In a manner of speaking, yes,” said his father. “In another manner of speaking, which is a rather more precise and accurate manner of speaking, no. It’s all this genetics business, you see. So it might be a very good idea if you were to go out and see something of the wor... |
After some thought, the king wrote to the ruler of Ankh-Morpork, respectfully asking if Carrot could be considered for a place among the city’s finest. Letters rarely got written in that mine. Work stopped and the whole clan had sat around in respectful silence as his pen scrittered across the parchment. His aunt had b... |
Now, Brethren—you have all brought the items as instructed?” There was a general murmuring. “Place them in the Circle of Conjuration,” said the Supreme Grand Master. It was a sorry collection. Bring magical things, he’d said. Only Brother Fingers had produced anything worthwhile. It looked like some sort of altar ornam... |
” “Very true,” nodded Brother Watchtower. “Not cheap. Very true. ” He looked at the little heap of exhausted magic again. “Cor,” he said. “We did it, though, dint we! We only went and bloody well did some magic, right?” “See?” said Brother Fingers. “I tole you there was nothin’ to it. ” “You all did exceptionally well,... |
Even his hair was so smoothed-down and oiled it looked as though it had been painted on. “The Watch appears to be having some difficulty with the Thieves’ Guild,” said the Patrician. “Van Pew has been in here claiming that a member of the Watch arrested him. ” “What for, sir?” “Being a thief, apparently. ” “A member of... |
Wonse folded his hands on the desk and leaned forward. “Now look, Captain,” he said. “Lordship wants an explanation. I don’t want to have to tell him the captain of the Night Watch hasn’t the faintest idea what goes on among the men under, if I may use the term loosely, his command. That sort of thing only leads to tro... |
“Well, sir, experienced man, I thought, Corporal Nobbs could teach him a lot—” “Let’s just hope he’s a slow learner,” said Vimes, ramming his brown iron helmet on his head. “Come on. ” When they stepped out of the Watch House there was a ladder against the tavern wall. A bulky man at the top of it swore under his breat... |
“Bad sorts,” muttered Nobby. “But we’re the Watch !” “Damn right! And we don’t want to go tangling with people like that! Remember what happened to Gaskin!” “I don’t remember what happened to Gaskin!” said Carrot, totally bewildered. “Who’s Gaskin?” “Before your time,” mumbled Nobby. He deflated a bit. “Poor bugger. Co... |
It tilted its glass amicably toward Carrot and then drank deeply and noisily by apparently forming its lower lip into a sort of prehensile funnel and making a noise like a canal being drained. Carrot nudged Nobby. “There’s a monk—” he began. “Don’t say it!” said Nobby urgently. “Don’t say the word! It’s the Librarian. ... |
Nobby made agonized noises. Sergeant Colon began to understand. Although cautious obsequiousness was the general tenor of Watch behavior, there wasn’t one member of the entire squad who hadn’t, at some time, been at the wrong end of Detritus’s fists. Nobby had merely tried to play catch-up in the very best traditions o... |
“Hah! Think you’re tough, eh! Well, ’m a ofisler of, of, of the Law, I’ll have you know, and we don’ take any, any, any. ” He blinked slowly, once or twice. “What’s it we don’ take any of, Sar’nt?” he said. “Chances, sir?” said Colon. “No, no, no. S’other stuff. Never mind. Anyway, we don’ take any of, of, of it from a... |
When the tension was twanging satisfactorily, like a bowstring, the Supreme Grand Master stood back. “Why do I bother?” he said, shaking his head. “I could have chosen anyone. I could have picked the best. But I’ve got a bunch of children. ” “Er, honest,” said Brother Watchtower, “we was making an effort, I mean, we wa... |
His face brightened. “Ah, the young thief-taker. A little error there, I think, but commendable. No person is above the law, eh?” “No, sir,” said Carrot. “Commendable, commendable,” said the Patrician. “And now, gentlemen—” “About your coach, sir,” said Carrot doggedly, “I couldn’t help noticing that the front offside ... |
Human nature, the Patrician always said, was a marvelous thing. Once you understood where its levers were. He had an unpleasant premonition about this dragon business. If ever there was a creature that didn’t have any obvious levers, it was a dragon. It would have to be sorted out. The Patrician didn’t believe in unnec... |
He peered across the top of the ancient desk. There was no one there. He tried a few more industrious rubs. There was the vague sound of someone who had got fed up with waiting. Two purple-fingernailed hands grasped the edge of the desk, and the Librarian’s face rose slowly into view like an early-morning coconut. “Ooo... |
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