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His legs wanted to stand to attention. Prehistoric men would have worshipped her, and in fact had amazingly managed to carve lifelike statues of her thousands of years ago. She had a mass of chestnut hair; a wig, Vimes learned later. No one who had much to do with dragons kept their own hair for long. She also had a dr... |
” “Why not?” said Vimes. “Because dragons have to mate in the air and he’ll never be able to fly with those wings, I’m afraid. I’ll be sorry to lose the bloodline, naturally. His sire was Brenda Rodley’s Treebite Brightscale. Do you know Brenda?” “Er, no,” said Vimes. Lady Ramkin was one of those people who assumed tha... |
He’d bought some apples in there once, and there didn’t appear to be anything about it that a dragon could possibly take offense at. Still, very considerate of the dragon, he thought as he made his way to the Watch House. When you think of all the timber yards, hayricks, thatched roofs and oil stores it could have hit ... |
” “We haven’t found the right king. We don’t need the right king,” said the Supreme Grand Master wearily. “For the last time! I’ve just found us a likely lad who looks good in a crown and can take orders and knows how to flourish a sword. Now just listen …” Flourishing, of course, was important. It didn’t have much to ... |
What he couldn’t do with fifty thousand dollars… Vimes thought about this for a while and then thought of the things he could do with fifty thousand dollars. There were so many more of them, for a start. He almost walked into a group of men clustered around a poster nailed to the wall. It declared, indeed, that the hea... |
“Don’t they find it rather knobbly?” he said. “So I would imagine, sir. I don’t suppose anyone has ever asked. ” “Hmm. Can they talk?” “They’re apparently good at it, my lord. ” “Ah. Interesting. ” The Patrician was thinking: if it can talk, it can negotiate. If it can negotiate, then I have it by the short—by the smal... |
For some minutes he had been watching the Tower of Art, which was the center of Unseen University and reputedly the oldest building in the city. It was certainly the tallest. Time, weather and indifferent repairs had given it a gnarled appearance, like a tree that has seen too many thunderstorms. He was trying to remem... |
“You all right, Captain?” —the talons, outspread, wide as a man’s reach; the boom and thump of the wings, bigger than sails; the stink of chemicals, the gods alone knew what sort… It had been so close he could see the tiny scales on its legs and the red gleam in its eyes. They were more than just reptile eyes. They wer... |
It belonged to my grandfather, you know. ” There was no resisting that tone of voice. Vimes thought about demanding that Nobby be brought in as a chaperon, and then decided that would be even worse. The cream burned like ice. “What is it?” “All kinds of stuff. It’ll reduce the bruising and promote the growth of healthy... |
” He extracted a lengthy cleaver from his belt. “And now you just stand aside, lady, because—” A streak of green fire blasted out of the back of the shed, passed a foot over the heads of the mob, and burned a charred rosette in the woodwork over the door. Then came a voice that was a honeyed purr of sheer deadly menace... |
Last night the dragon burned up our Headquarters and Lo and Behold we have been given a better one, it is in a place called Pseudopolis Yard, opposite the Opera House. Sgt. Colon said we have gone Up in the World and has told Nobby not to try to sell the furnishings. Going Up in the World is a metaphor, which I am lear... |
“Got the same pointed nose, excuse me for saying so, milady. ” Vimes looked at the creature, which was investigating its new environment, and knew that it was now, irrevocably, an Errol. The little dragon took an experimental bite out of the table, chewed it for a few seconds, spat it out, curled up and went to sleep. ... |
He was gradually coming to terms with the fact that he probably wasn’t a dwarf, but dwarf blood flowed in his veins in accordance with the famous principle of morphic resonance, and his borrowed genes were telling him that nothing was going to be that simple. Finding a hoard even when the dragon wasn’t at home was pret... |
” “Peanuts! Figgins! Hot sausages!” whined a voice behind them. “Hallo, lads. Hallo, Captain Vimes! In at the death, eh? Have a sausage. On the house. ” “What’s going on, Throat?” said Vimes, clinging to the vendor’s tray as more people spilled around them. “Some kid’s ridden into the city and said he’d kill the dragon... |
” “Some of them were fearful oiks, you know,” she said airily. “Wives all over the place, and chopping people’s heads off, fighting pointless wars, eating with their knife, chucking half-eaten chicken legs over their shoulders, that sort of thing. Not our sort of people at all. ” The plaza went quiet. The dragon had fl... |
But perhaps there was a trail, a scent, a thread which would lead it to the sky… Perhaps there was a pathway of thought itself… It recalled a mind. The peevish voice, so full of its own diminutive importance, a mind almost like that of a dragon, but on a tiny, tiny scale. Aha. It stretched its wings. Lady Ramkin made h... |
“And,” said Vimes, “this is where it was killed. ” He fumbled in his pockets. There were all sorts of things in there—keys, bits of string, corks. His finger closed on a stub end of chalk. He knelt down. Errol jumped off his shoulder and waddled away to inspect the detritus of the celebration. He always sniffed everyth... |
Its huge head reared against the gray of dawn, turning slowly. Lady Ramkin and Vimes peered cautiously from behind a watertrough. Vimes had his hand clamped over Errol’s muzzle. The little dragon was whimpering like a kicked puppy, and fighting to get away. “It’s a magnificent brute,” said Lady Ramkin, in what she prob... |
Was a stomach noise like this a sign they were about to explode, or was the point you had to watch out for the point when the rumbling stopped? “We’ve got to follow it!” said Lady Ramkin. “What happened to the carriage?” Vimes waved a hand vaguely in the direction that, as far as he could tell, the horses had taken in ... |
” “Have the Demons of Infinity been bound with many chains?” “Damn,” said Brother Plasterer, “there’s always something. ” Brother Watchtower sagged. “Just once it would be nice if we could get the ancient and timeless rituals right, wouldn’t it. You’d better get on with it. ” “Wouldn’t it be quicker, Brother Watchtower... |
We’d better get over to the Patrician’s palace. And then—” There were footsteps in the fog. Vimes stiffened, put his finger to his lips and pulled Carrot into the shelter of a doorway. A figure loomed out of the billows. Another one of ’em, thought Vimes. Well, there’s no law about wearing long black robes and deep cow... |
Usually he could forewarn himself by keeping a careful eye on the kickstool crabs that grazed harmlessly on the dust. When they were spooked, it was time to hide. Several times he had to flatten himself against the shelves as a thesaurus thundered by. He waited patiently as a herd of Critters crawled past, grazing on t... |
“It just goes to show, you never can tell,” said Colon. “Anyway, the caretaker said the Elucidated Brethren always leave the place in a mess. Scuffed chalk marks on the floor, he said. And they never put the chairs back properly or wash out the tea urn. They’ve been meeting a lot lately, he said. The nuddy wimmin paint... |
“Well, I thought, if the king should happen to come in—” “You’re all mad !” “But, Cap’n—” Vimes’s accusing finger buried itself up to the second joint in Harga’s expensive vest. “You don’t even know the wretched fellow’s name!” he shouted. Harga rallied. “I do, Cap’n,” he stuttered. “Course I do. Seen it on the decorat... |
“How could you have been so stupid ?” he raged. Vimes stared at his own fingers. “I thought I saw—” he began. “It was a raven ! You know what ravens are? There must be hundreds of them in the city!” “In the fog, you see, the size wasn’t easy to—” Vimes mumbled. “And poor Master Greetling, you ought to have known what l... |
“This is a coronation, I’ll have you know. You might try to show a little respect. ” “Of course I’m showing respect! Now get on—” There was a shout, off to the right. Wonse glared into the crowd. “It’s that Ramkin woman,” he said. “What’s she up to?” People around her were chattering excitedly now. Fingers pointed all ... |
It’s like throwing a stick for a dog, isn’t it?” “Oh dear,” said Sybil Ramkin. “It might not, you know. Dragons have such sensitive mouths. ” The great dragon blinked at the tiny circle of gold. Then, with extreme delicacy, it extended one meter-long claw and hooked the thing out of the priest’s trembling fingers. “Wha... |
Getting along has practically been all our foreign policy. Now I think I’ve just heard us declare war on an ancient civilization that we’ve always got along with, more or less, even if they do talk funny. And after that, the world. What’s worse, we’ll probably win. Similar thoughts, although with a different perspectiv... |
For example, I am sure that the people will rest more contentedly in their beds knowing that the dr—the king is tirelessly protecting them from harm. There can, however, be ridiculous ancient…prejudices…which will only be eradicated by ceaseless work…on the part of all men of good will. ” He paused, and looked at them.... |
“In fact,” said Wonse, trying to keep the trembling out of his voice, “before too long, if someone comes along and tells them that a dragon king is a bad idea, they’ll kill him themselves. ” The dragon blinked. For the first time Wonse could remember, it seemed uncertain. “I know people, you see,” said Wonse, simply. T... |
“Anyway, Lady Ramkin’ll know how to look after him. ” “It’s not as though we could leave anything around, either,” said Colon. “I mean, even the lamp oil. He even drank the lamp oil. ” “And mothballs,” said Nobby. “A whole box of mothballs. Why would anyone want to eat mothballs? And the kettle. And sugar. He was a dev... |
” “I’m not sure what I shall do next,” said Vimes, more gruffly than he intended. “I’m considering one or two offers. ” “Well, of course. I’m sure you know best. ” Vimes nodded. Lady Ramkin twisted her handkerchief around and around in her hands. “Well, then,” she said. “Well,” said Vimes. “I, er, expect you’ll be want... |
” He waved his arms in a vague gesture of authority as the people shuffled nervously away. Out of the corner of his eye he saw red flames behind the rooftops, and sparks spiraling in the sky. “Haven’t you got any homes to go to?” he croaked. The Librarian knuckled out into the Library of the here and now. Every hair on... |
He called it up, and then found it wasn’t just some sort of tool but a real thing with a mind of its own. A mind just like his, but with all the brakes off. You know, I wouldn’t mind betting that at the start he really thought that what he was doing was all for the best. He must have been insane. Sooner or later, anywa... |
There was the distant sound of a knock at the front door of the house. She hesitated for a moment, then blew out the lamp, crept heavily along the length of the kennels and pulled aside the scrap of sacking over the window. The first light of dawn showed her the silhouette of a guardsman on her doorstep, the plumes of ... |
The Patrician was shaving, squinting into a scrap of mirror propped against the pillar to catch the light. No, Vimes realized, not propped. Supported, in fact. By a rat. It was a large rat, with red eyes. The Patrician nodded to him without apparent surprise. “Oh,” he said. “Vimes, isn’t it? I heard you were on the way... |
All that was on the outside was the lock. All the bolts and bars were on the inside. The rank clambered awkwardly across the damp rooftops as the morning mist was boiled off by the sun. Not that there would be any clear air today—sticky swathes of smoke and stale steam wreathed the city and filled the air with the sad ... |
“Hmm?” said Colon, who seemed to be in a miserable daydream world of his own. “I mean, it’s a good job we’ve got a last desperate million-to-one chance to rely on, or we’d really be in trouble!” “Oh, yes,” said Nobby sadly. “Lucky old us. ” The Patrician lay back. A couple of rats dragged a cushion under his head. “Thi... |
The sun definitely had the look of a heavenly body that was nearly at the crest of its orbit and looking forward to a long, lazy coasting toward the blankets of dusk… “I’m not bloody well going to have it, understand?” Vimes shouted, shaking the ape back and forth. “Oook,” the Librarian pointed out, patiently. “What? O... |
That’s not hero’s pay. Heroes get kingdoms and princesses, and they take regular exercise, and when they smile the light glints off their teeth, ting. The bastards. Sweat stung his eyes. The rush of adrenalin that had carried him out of the palace had spent itself, and was now exacting its inevitable toll. He stumbled ... |
“I thought I’d better nip out quickly, see what was going on,” he said brightly, pointing to a gate leading out of the yard. It was hanging by one hinge. “Oh,” said Nobby weakly. “Jolly good. ” “There’s an alley out there,” said Carrot. “No dragons in it, are there?” said Colon suspiciously. “No dragons, no humans. The... |
” “There you are then,” said Colon. “It’s like I said. ” “Look,” said Vimes, as patiently as he could manage. “He’s a nice dragon, I liked him as much as you, a very nice little chap, but he’s just done the sensible thing, for gods’ sake, he’s not going to get burned to bits just to save us. Life just doesn’t work like... |
“Throw that brick and you’re a dead man,” said Vimes, and then ducked and pushed his way through the press of people while the would-be thrower looked around in amazement. Carrot half-raised his club in a threatening gesture as Vimes climbed up the rubble pile. “Oh, hallo, Captain Vimes,” he said, lowering it, “I have ... |
“But it’s sodding enormous !” said Nobby. Vimes coughed urgently. Nobby’s rodent eyes slid sideways to Sybil Ramkin, who blushed like a sunset. “A fine figure of a dragon, I mean,” he said quickly. “Er. Wide, egg-bearing hips,” said Sergeant Colon anxiously. “Statueskew,” Nobby added fervently. “Shut up,” said Vimes. H... |
This was one of the upper state rooms, bare now of most of its furnishings, and lacking its fourth wall. Where it should have been was just the gulf of the cavern. The Patrician stepped out of the shadows. “Now you have got it out of your system—” he said. Wonse spun around, sword raised. “You don’t really exist,” he s... |
It had escaped most of the devastation with nothing more than a layer of dust. The Patrician sat down, and suddenly it was as if he’d never left. Vimes wondered if he ever had. He picked up a sheaf of papers and brushed the plaster off them. “Sad,” he said. “Lupine was such a tidy-minded man. ” “Yes, sir. ” The Patrici... |
“Now, men,” said the Patrician, leaning forward, “we have heard some remarkable accounts of your magnificent efforts in defense of the city…” Vimes let his mind wander as the golden platitudes floated past. For a while he derived a certain amount of amusement from watching the faces of the Council. A whole sequence of ... |
A small wiry woman with a face like old saddle leather caught sight of him. “Ah,” she said, “you’ll be the gallant captain. ” She tucked an errant strand of white hair back under a headscarf and extended a veiny brown hand. “Brenda Rodley. That’s Rosie Devant-Molei. She runs the Sunshine Sanctuary, you know. ” The othe... |
” “Then you must have a really convincing tone of voice. ” “Ah. Well, make the most of it, lads, while it lasts,” said Colon. They drank thoughtfully. It was a moment of supreme peace, a few minutes snatched from the realities of real life. It was a brief bite of stolen fruit and enjoyed as such. No one in the whole ci... |
The story isn’t there simply to lead from one slapstick pratfall to another pun. Its humor is genuine and unforced. ” Ottawa Citizen “Terry Pratchett is more than a magician. He is the kindest, most fascinating teacher you ever had. ” Harlan Ellison “Delightful…. Logically illogical as only Terry Pratchett can write. ”... |
And a new copper badge! It is a Great responsibility!! This is all because we have got new recruits because the Patrician who, as I have formerly vouchsafed is the ruler of the city, has agreed the Watch must reflect the ethnic makeup of the City—” Carrot paused for a moment and stared out of the small dusty bedroom wi... |
“I was Interested in your letter where you said people have been coming and asking about me, this is Amazing, I have been here hardly Five Minutes and already I am Famus. “I was very pleased to hear about the opening of #7 shaft. I don’t mind Telling You that although, I am very happy here I miss the Good Times back Ho... |
“Well, maybe,” he conceded, in the gentle tones of someone trying to talk someone else off a ledge, “but we must ask ourselves: does Ankh-Morpork, at this point in time, require a king?” Edward looked at him as though he were mad. “Need? Need? While our fair city languishes under the heel of the ty-rant?” “Oh. You mean... |
The Patrician of Ankh-Morpork sat back on his austere chair with the sudden bright smile of a very busy person at the end of a crowded day who’s suddenly found in his schedule a reminder saying: 7:00-7:05, Be Cheerful and Relaxed and a People Person. “Well, of course I was very saddened to receive your letter, captain…... |
He crossed the road, with Angua padding along behind him, as the fat man slowed to a waddle. “Morning, Mr. Flannel,” he said. “Bit of trouble?” “He took seven dollars and I never saw no Thief License!” said Mr. Flannel. “What you going to do about it? I pay my taxes!” “We shall be hotly in pursuit any moment,” said Car... |
But an affordable pair of boots, which were sort of OK for a season or two and then leaked like hell when the cardboard gave out, cost about ten dollars. Those were the kind of boots Vimes always bought, and wore until the soles were so thin that he could tell where he was in Ankh-Morpork on a foggy night by the feel o... |
He’d been quite pleased when someone had taken him out of the pen in the middle of the night. He’d thought he was going back to the blacksmith. Now it was dawning on him that this was not happening. He was in a box, he was being bumped around, and now he was getting angry… Sergeant Colon fanned himself with his clipboa... |
“Yeah? From ambush,” grunted Detritus, glowering at the dwarf. “What? It was the trolls—” Cuddy began. “Shut up,” said Colon. “Look, it says here…says here they’re marching…says here they’re marching up Short Street. ” He turned the paper over. “Is this right?” “Trolls going one way, dwarfs going the other?” said Carro... |
“Own up! If the dwarfs who’ve got weapons don’t drop them right this minute the entire parade, and I mean the entire parade, will be put in the cells! I’m serious about this!” The dwarfs in the front row took a step backward. There was a desultory tinkle of metallic objects hitting the ground. “ All of them,” said Carr... |
Right, that did it! The alchemists had blown up their Guild House for the last time, if Vimes had anything to do with it… But when he peered over the window sill he saw, across the river, the column of dust rising over the Assassins’ Guild… The rest of the Watch came trotting along Filigree Street as Vimes reached the ... |
Then our friend nips into the hole for a few seconds, right, comes out again, trots around the courtyard and next minute there’s Assassins everywhere and he’s among ’em. What the hell. Another man in black. No one notices, see?” “You mean he’s still in there?” “How do I know? Hoods and cloaks, everyone in black…” “How ... |
It had been so easy! He’d put the bundle on the table. It was thin, and about four feet long. He unwrapped it carefully, and there…it…was. It looked pretty much like the drawing. Typical of the man—a whole page full of meticulous drawings of crossbows, and this in the margin, as though it hardly mattered. It was so sim... |
Only the previous day someone had absent-mindedly kicked him into the gutter and had gone a few steps before they suddenly thought: I’m a bastard, what am I? “There is something up there,” said Carrot. “Look…something blue, hanging off that gargoyle. ” “Woof woof, woof! Would you credit it?” Vimes stood on Carrot’s sho... |
And finally, several strokes behind all the others, was the bell of the Assassin’s Guild, which was always last. Beside the Patrician, the ornamental sundial chimed twice and fell over. “You were saying?” said the Patrician mildly. “Captain Vimes,” said Dr. Cruces. “He’s taking an interest. ” “Dear me. But it is his jo... |
There was another embarrassed five seconds. Sergeant Colon cleared his throat. “Well, yes, I think we can consider him thoroughly apprehended,” he said. “Make a note, Corporal Nobbs. Lance-Constable Detritus— don’t salute! —deducted one dollar for loss of truncheon. And you’re supposed to be able to ask ’em questions a... |
“Ah, captain,” said the Patrician, looking up from his paperwork. “You were commendably quick. ” “Was I?” “You got my message?” said Lord Vetinari. “No, sir. I’ve been…occupied. ” “Indeed. And what could occupy you?” “Someone has killed Mr. Hammerhock, sir. A big man in the dwarf community. He’s been…shot with somethin... |
” “Didn’t work for Mr. Hammerhock,” said Sergeant Colon. They looked at their drinks. Very slowly, like a mighty sequoia beginning the first step towards resurrection as a million Save The Trees leaflets, Detritus toppled backward with his mug still in his hand. Apart from the 90 ° change in position, he didn’t move a ... |
Had your husband any enemies? Yes, someone put a huge great hole in him, but apart from that , did he have any enemies? So he’d extracted himself with as much dignity as possible, which wasn’t very much, and after a battle with himself which he’d lost, he’d picked up half a bottle of Bearhugger’s Old Persnickety and wa... |
It was certainly overpowering. Angua could see several hours of Elm Street all in one go. The mugger’s fear was a fading orange line. Carrot’s trail was an expanding pale green cloud, with an edge that suggested he was slightly worried; there were additional tones of old leather and armor polish. Other trails, faint or... |
If they’re fresh. ” “You’re disgusting. ” “Yeah, but at least I stay the same shape all month, no offense meant. ” “You’re asking for a bite. ” “Oh, yeah,” moaned Gaspode. “Yeah, you’ll bite me. Aaargh. Oh, yes, that’ll really worry me, that will. I mean, think about it. I’ve got so many dog diseases I’m only alive ’co... |
Everyone was looking at him. It was hard not to notice Carrot in a room. There were bigger people than him in the city. He didn’t loom. He just seemed, without trying, to distort things around him. Everything became background to Corporal Carrot. “At ease, corporal,” said Vimes. “What’s up? I mean,” he added quickly, k... |
” “What?” “Anything that’s missing, sir,” said Carrot conscientiously. “I mean,” said Vimes, patiently, “anything not here which you’d expect to find. ” “Well, he’s got—he had —all the usual tools, sir. Nice ones, too. Shame, really. ” “What is?” “They’ll be melted down, of course. ” Vimes stared at the neat racks of h... |
Also please find attached Piece of Paper. Captain Vimes says, try it out on the Alchemists—” Sergeant Colon stopped reading for a while to curse all alchemists. “—because it is Puzzling Evidence. Hoping this finds you in Good Health, Yours Faithfully, Carrot Ironfoundersson, (Cpl). ” The sergeant scratched his head. Wh... |
“This,” said Silverfish, “is a formula for…oh, well, I might as well tell you, it’s hardly a big secret…it’s a formula for what we called No. l Powder. Sulphur, saltpeter and charcoal. You use it in fireworks. Any fool could make it up. But it looks odd because it’s written back to front. ” “This sounds important,” his... |
He turned and swung a punch at the clown behind him, who ducked, causing a third clown to be knocked through the bass drum. Colon and Nobby looked at one another and shook their heads. Boffo produced a large red and white handkerchief and blew his nose with a humorous honking sound. “Classic,” he said. “It’s what he wo... |
Why didn’t people learn from history? Treachery was in his very genes! How could a city run properly with someone like that, poking around? That wasn’t what a Watch was for. Watchmen were supposed to do what they were told, and see to it that other people did too. Someone like Vimes could upset things. Not because he w... |
The thing to do was crouch below the window and… He thought for a moment. Then he shuffled across the floor to the corner, where there was a pole with a hook on the end. Once upon a time it had been used to open the upper windows, now long rusted shut. He balanced his helmet on the end, wedged himself into the corner, ... |
They play a far greater role in police procedure than narrative causality would like to admit. For every murder solved by the careful discovery of a vital footprint or a cigarette end, a hundred failed to be resolved because the wind blew some leaves the wrong way or it didn’t rain the night before. So many crimes are ... |
” “What is it?” “It must have come from the roof of the operahouse. ” “Yes? So?” “That’s more than two hundred yards away. ” “Yes?” “The…thing went an inch into an oak floor. ” “Did you know the girl…at all?” said Angua, and felt embarrassed at asking. “Not really. ” “I thought you knew everyone. ” “She was just someon... |
Harga looked carefully at his coffee pot. “Cumulus or cirro-nimbus?” “I’m sorry? What did you say?” “You gets city lights reflected off cumulus, because it’s low lying, see. Mind you, you can get high-altitude scatter off the ice crystals in—” “A moonless night,” said Vimes, in a hollow voice, “that is as black as that... |
The origin of Grope Alley’s name was fortunately lost in the celebrated mists of time, but it had come to be deserved. It had turned into a kind of tunnel as upper stories were built out and over it, leaving a few inches of sky. Cuddy peered around the corner, into the gloom. Click. Click. It came from deep in the dark... |
Until then, you and your men can consider yourselves on leave. ” “The Day Watch? A bunch of—” “I’m sorry?” “Yes, sir. ” “One infraction, however, and the badge is mine. Remember. ” Cuddy opened his eyes. “You’re alive?” said Detritus. The dwarf gingerly removed his helmet. There was a gouge in the rim, and his head ach... |
His hands touched a mark on the plaster that was apparently no different from a dozen other marks, but this one caused a section of wall to swing aside on well-oiled hinges. No one knew all the passages and tunnels hidden in the walls of the Palace; it was said that some of them went a lot further than that. And there ... |
Tinker, tinker, tinker. Never think twice before grabbing a thread of the fabric of reality and giving it a pull. ” “Shocking. ” “The alchemists? Their idea of civic duty is mixing up things to see what happens. ” “I hear the bangs, even here. ” “And then, of course, along comes someone like you—” “I really am terribly... |
” The man did so. “Now take off your coat…good…just pass it over…thank you…” “Your axe…” the man murmured. “Axe? Axe? My axe?” Cuddy looked down. “Well, well, well. Hardly knew I was holding it there. My axe. Well, there’s a thing. ” The man was trying to stand on tiptoe. His eyes were watering. “The thing about this a... |
OK?” He turned around, failed to see the troll, took a step forward, and vanished temporarily from the world of men. “Oh, no,” said Sergeant Colon. “He promised he wasn’t going to touch it any more! Look, he’s had a whole bottle!” “What is it? Bearhugger’s?” said Nobby. “Shouldn’t think so, he’s still breathing. Come o... |
The Watch was generally of the opinion that Samuel Vimes was at least two drinks under par, and needed a stiff double even to be sober. “Careful…careful…” Carrot let a few drops dribble between Vimes’ lips. “Look, when I said—” Angua began. “Forget it. ” Carrot didn’t even look round. “I was only—” “I said forget it. ”... |
“It not right to leave it here. ” “Right. Yes, you’re right. But you’re a troll and I’m a dwarf. What do you think would happen if people saw us carrying that along the streets?” “ Big trouble. ” “Correct. Come on. Let’s follow the footprints back out. ” “Supposing it gone when we come back?” said Detritus, lumbering t... |
The film of running water over the stone floor of the hall had wiped away traces of the footprints. A very large tunnel, almost blocked with debris and silt, led off in what Cuddy was pretty sure was the direction of the estuary. It was almost pleasant. There was no smell, other than a damp, under-a-stone mustiness. An... |
” “How do you like the idea of camping out on the open plain?” said Colon. “What’s that got to do with it?” “If anyone puts a match to anything tonight, it’s goodbye Ankh,” said the sergeant morosely. “Usually we can shut the city gates, right? But there’s hardly more’n a few feet of water in the river. ” “You flood th... |
” “I thought some of that, too,” Detritus volunteered. “Right enough,” said Carrot. “Well done, men. I think we’d better…leave it for now, and come back with a sack later on. And…don’t tell anyone else. ” “Except the sergeant and everyone,” said Cuddy. “No…not even them. It’d make everyone very…jumpy. ” “Just as you sa... |
“Detritus, he didn’t mean a cap-and-bells Fool,” said Carrot, in a kindly voice. “He just meant you’d have to be some sort of idi—” He stopped. He stared at the ceiling. “Oh, my,” he said. “It’s as simple as that ?” “Simple as what?” said Angua. Someone hammered at the door. It wasn’t a polite knock. It was the thumpin... |
“Don’t run off!” he shouted, “I haven’t found anything wrong—” “I wasn’t r—” “—YET!” Carrot had time to get an impression of a cavernous place full of complicated shadows. Apart from the man, who was fatter than Colon, there were a couple of trolls who appeared to be operating a grindstone. Current events did not seem ... |
“Swore ’em in, sir,” said Detritus. “Used troll oath. ” Flint saluted amateurishly. “He said he’d kick our goohuloog heads in if we didn’t join up and do what we’re told, sir,” he said. “Very old troll oath,” said Detritus. “Very famous, very traditional. ” “One of ’em could carry the Klatchian fire engine—” Nobby bega... |
“We thought young Beano had just done it with humorous intent, and then he turned up dead and we didn’t—” “You’d better show me the hole,” said Carrot. The rest of the Watch stood to variations on the theme of At Ease in the courtyard. “Corporal Nobbs?” “Yes, Lance-Constable Cuddy?” “What is it everyone says about dwar... |
Whiteface told you,” said Boffo. “I’ve spoken to Dr. Whiteface,” said Carrot. Angua felt she was beginning to understand the way Carrot asked questions. He asked them by not asking them. He simply told people what he thought or suspected, and they found themselves filling in the details in an attempt to keep up. And he... |
” “Carrot? What are you going to do now?” “I think it might be a good idea to find out whose room was on the other side of the hole, don’t you? I think it might belong to Beano’s little friend. ” “In the Assassins’ Guild? Just us?” “Um. You’ve got a point. ” Carrot looked so crestfallen that Angua gave in. “What time i... |
“Sir?” “I want him found!” “Yes, doctor—” “In fact I want him inhumed! With Extreme Impoliteness! And I’m setting the fee at ten thousand dollars—I shall pay it personally, you understand? Without Guild tax, either. ” Several Assassins nonchalantly strolled away from the crowd. Ten thousand untaxed dollars was good mon... |
And I’ll take…you two…and you. Four more dwarfs, yes? Can’t complain about that, eh?” “Ain’t gonna be inna Watch,” said Bauxite again, but uncertainty modulated his tone. “You trolls can’t leave now,” said Detritus. “Otherwise, too many dwarfs. That’s numbers , that is. ” “I’m not joining any Watch!” said a dwarf. “Not... |
It was a trick of her father’s that had always annoyed her mother, especially when he did it just before meals. But Angua had never been able to bring herself to do it. She’d preferred the vegetarian option. “’ullo,” said Butch, in her ear. “Don’t you worry about anything,” moaned Gaspode. “Me an’ Big Fido…we’re like t... |
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