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AITAH for not wanting to drop out of college to pay my parents bills? Mom refuses to work. | My relationship with my parents, especially my mom, has always been difficult. She’s emotionally dismissive, often mocks me and my sister, and gets angry if we react or are not constantly positive. When we try to talk about respect, she says we’re not entitled to opinions and laughs in our faces. There’s basically no boundaries at home. Since we live under their roof, we’re constantly reminded that nothing we have is really ours, and saying no isn’t an option without it turning into a fight.
I work full time and pay out of pocket for the last few courses I need to be CPA eligible. This has made my mom angry. She hasn’t worked since 2006 and refuses to look for a job, but expects me and my sister to help cover bills now that my dad’s hours were cut. Bills are falling behind, and we’re being pressured to step in, while she insists it’s her house but won’t contribute financially.
TLDR: I’m finally in a job related to my career and have been told I’ll be promoted once I finish my courses. My mom wants me to drop out and help pay the mortgage instead. Given our history, I’m struggling to agree to that.
Update: Thank you to everyone that’s responded. My sister and I feel better knowing that we’re not crazy. We’re in a situation where our mom has turned all our extended family against us. She’s convinced them we’re liars and manipulators, so unfortunately reaching out to them for help isn’t an option.
My sister and I do help pay bills, clean, give them extra cash, and buy groceries/necessities for the family. I let them use my car when I’m off work and have recently offered to purchase them a cheap car (so both parents have one). This made my mom super angry, and she shut the conversation down. We try to help out as much as we can; it’s just never enough. | This is the type of parent you move a flight away from.
Don’t sacrifice your future for her. She needs to get a job instead of trying to ruin your future.
NTA |
UPDATE: AITAH for refusing to give a cat back after adopting her? Now being asked to pay additional money. | UPDATE:
Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/BkSz6QRBS2
After my original post, things escalated further. The previous owner continued begging for the cat back days later and offered to send us money for another cat. Now her mom has also started contacting me (and my friend, her coworker), listing the original adoption fee, supplies they purchased, and is now asking us to reimburse them for these costs. I already sent them money the day of the adoption for the supplies.
No additional payment or reimbursement was ever discussed or agreed upon as part of the adoption. I’ve already said no to returning the cat, and now I’m feeling extremely pressured to either give the cat back or pay them.
AITA for refusing to return the cat and refusing to pay them? | Of course you are not the asshole. They seem extremely unstable and not concerned about the cat's best interests. At this point, you might be able to report them for harassment. But otherwise, block them. Do not pay them another cent.
Get the cat microchipped under your name and address. Take them to a vet for a checkup and get any needed vaccines and make sure everything is in your name. |
AITAH for going on maternity while covering a maternity leave? | I’m a teacher and was hired to cover a 1 year maternity leave. Found out I was pregnant in September. I told my administration in December and feel they were upset about the news. I understand that it’s not ideal to find another teacher for the remaining months…but is it such a big deal? I like the school, and always want to keep good relations, but I’m not aiming to get hired again by them.
Am I the asshole in this situation? Is it a bad look and frowned upon? | The only issue I would have is if we hired you with the intent to cover someone’s maternity leave and you knew that was the purpose of the hire and you were either (1) already pregnant and planning to go on maternity yourself or (2) were trying to get pregnant during that period. I know there are legal issues about what you can and can’t ask on someone’s family plans or pregnancy status. However, it’s not a good look for you because the perception would be that you deceived them knowing why they needed there in the first place |
AITAH for ending this relationship? Or am I the crazy one? | My ex and I were just not compatible. We bickered a LOT and i acknowledge that’s on both of us, and I at times felt I had to mother him and let those feelings get the best of me. It’s been months but I cannot shake the feeling of extreme guilt over the break up and how awful I might’ve made him feel. He paid a bartender 50 dollars for her number an hour after I said “I needed a break”, he broke my trust multiple times, lied about the girls he’s been with, was interested in my roommate, called me names and was upset with what I was wearing. If I wore something to his standards and got hit on he would say “well it’s because you finally looked decent”. These are all red flags to me but I still can’t shake the times I might’ve been stern, or mean. AITAH for ending this relationship? Could it have been saved? I need to move on but can’t shake this guilt | You can end a relationship for whatever reason you want. |
AITAH for refusing to let my grandmother make my bed? | I (16TM) split some milk on my bed the other day, and today I got home from school with the intention of doing a deep clean of my bed--laundering all my sheets, my blanket, pillowcases, stuffed animals. However, I got home to find that everything had already been cleaned by my grandmother (76F).
I thanked her for taking the load off and retreated into my room to hang out for the afternoon. A while later though she came in with the bed condom (I don't know what it's called, the thing you put over a mattress? mattress cover? we've always called it a bed condom, you understand) and said she needed to put it on, so could I get off the bed? I told her she could just leave it, and i could take care of it.
Then, she told me I wouldn't "know how" to do it because "it's the kind you tuck underneath the corners" and to just get off so she could do it. I know how to put a mattress cover on, I'm not stupid. I said I could take care of it and that she could go upstairs, but she insisted that I would need her help.
I started getting annoyed. She's always been overbearing. to give you an idea of what she's like:
\- she was squeamish about me walking home from school yesterday (it's about a half hour's walk) because she was worried it was dangerous and that I'd get kidnapped.
\- One day I came home from a walk to the park with an odd bit of irritated skin on my jaw (still no clue what could've caused it) and she was sure it was a hickey and that I'd been making out with someone there. That week my period was a day or 2 late (completely normal for teenagers!) and she began to pile on creepy remarks about how i'd better take a pregnancy test, and that if I'd got knocked up my dad would kick me out and I'd be homeless. *Completely* unprompted, apart from the spot on my jaw. It made me sick to my stomach. Since then she's insisted on not letting me go on walks around my neighbourhood without her coming to supervise. I go out a lot less now as a result, because I don't like arguing with her.
\- I struggle with eating regularly and listening to my body when I'm hungry, and when she feels like I haven't eaten 'enough' by her standard, she'll try to force-feed me, even going so far as to grab my face and try and shove the food in. it's awful.
\- she doesn't let me sleep alone, and comes down to my room to sleep with me every night instead of with my grandfather (edit: not in my bed! she's got her separate bed). on nights where my parents are away and there are extra rooms, i go up to sleep in them, and that always causes an outrage with her. she says i'm not old/mature enough to sleep without her. i've had to call my lovely reasonable mom to back me up on more than one occasion.
\- i do most of my own laundry, but even so, she goes through my laundry basket to, i don't even know. but she'll go out of her way question me if there are 4 days of laundry and only 3 bottoms.
and so on.
What I did next, I'm worried was childish on my part. I refused to get off the bed to let her put the cover until she left so I could put the cover on myself. I don't want to let her spoonfeed me everything, and I don't want to grow up to be an incompetent man whose mommy did everything for him growing up and now he doesn't know how to do basic chores. I feel like since I'm nearly a SENIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL, I should be allowed to at least have the autonomy to make my own goddamned bed.
I kept telling her to leave, and it escalated into raised voiced. She told me to move one more time and I said no, and she told me to go die and left the cover there for me to do it. From upstairs I overheard her ranting to my grandfather about how if she'd acted like that when she was my age she would've been beat with a brush.
I put the bed cover on and made my bed without anything vaguely resembling a struggle. I'm worried I acted childlishly when I refused to get off the bed. my mom agrees that my grandmother was being overbearing but thinks I should have been more respectful telling her no. AITA? | NTAH. It wasn’t about a mattress cover at all, it was about you trying to hold a very reasonable boundary after a long pattern of control and that reaction says far more about her behavior than yours. |
AITAH for making my mom tell me something she didn't want to and getting upset when she did tell me. | I 16 fem, want to take my boyfriend out on a date. Weve been together for months now and i recently just found out he hasnt seen lord of the rings or the hobbit. Perfect timing, lord of the rings is comign back to theatres for their 25th anniversary and i thought this would be the perfect time to take him. Hes been wanting to see them for forever and i think seeing them in theatres for the first time would be one of the most perfect ways to experience the movies for the first time. And my dad has always boasted about seeing the movies for the first time in theatres when they first came out and saying how wonderful it was, which lowkey makes me really jealous. So i want to make sure my boyfriend has a very good first time watching these movies.
However, i dont exactly have the money to take him. My parents said if i found a way to get the money i could take him. My boyfriend offered to pay but i feel horrible when he pays for things, he always pays when we go out and it makes me feel horrible and spoiled even though he says he doesnt mind and feels like hes "not pulling his weight" in the relationship.
being paid for makes me feel spoiled and rotten and i dont like it. Besides i am not going to make him pay 100 dollars (thats just in tickets) to go see a movie trilogy in theatres, and i want to treat him. So i contacted my aunt and asked her if she had any work for me to do so i could earn some money to take him i told her i needed 100 dollars total and she said she could give me 50 at the most. I told her that works and to drop the money by this week before friday and i will figure out the rest.
Today my mom asked when she would be dropping off the money and i told her either today or tomorrow. My mom grimaced and took a deep breath looking irritated and then asked what time the movie would be at and i told her i would need to be at the mall by 6. She grimaced again and said,
"Well actually, no no nevermind forget i said anything"
I asked her what was wrong and if that was too late for me to be out, because the movie is about 2 and a half hours long. And she told me to just drop it and said nevermind. I told her if she had a problem with me staying out that late i didnt mind. She got mad asking why i was pushing it this much. I told her,
"No offense but you seem very irritated by this and i would like to know why or make sure everything about this is okay and that i can go out"
She said that she could be irritated for her own reasons other than this and just because she spoke irritated to me doesnt mean anything. I told her i know and that i just wanted to make sure because she talked to me very rudely. She then got mad and said,
"You know what, i dont understand why you guys need to go see the movies. I dont see the point in going and seeing them i just dont see the point. But whatever im not gonna tell you not to go, not my money not my time"
I told her she didnt need to be so rude about it especially since i was really excited about this and so was my boyfriend. She pushed saying
"See this is why i didnt want to say anything because i knew it would cause conflict, but you kept pushing even after i told you i didnt want to say it"
She stomped off angry and i was left feeling horrible.
Now i dont want to go at all. My mom obviously doesnt understand and she doesnt seem like she wants me to go, i hate to cancel with my boyfriend especially since hes been so excited to go see them. But my mom made me feel horrible for even wanting to go or treat my boyfriend for a date. My mom knows i already have problems with asking for money even if im working for it and how much courage it took for me to ask my aunt for money since my parents wouldnt be able to pay me before then.
But now i feel horrible and stupid for even wanting to go. AITA | ESH- you for pushing. When someone says drop it, and you choose not to- you’re giving them permission to get rude.
Your mom for acting like that. You don’t get to make your kids feel bad just because you’re stressed about other stuff. Like she said it’s not her money or her time. |
wibtah if i (20f) leave my boyfriend (19m) for his incompetence despite him treating me nicely? | we have been dating for 6 months now. things are going well in our relationship. but there are a few things that makes me consider ending the relationship:
1. he is lazy, literally.
he spends most of his times video gaming or sleeping. he procrastinate on his assignments and chores, barely cleans his room. he would sleep all chances he gets.
2. he's not a very competent person...
he's a college student. the first time he showed me his assignment, i immediately knew he was using AI and no paraphrasing either. he even admitted it himself and was pretty ignorant about it. he shrugged it off and just submitted the assignment, no editing. it gave me the ick because why couldn't he at least did a little paraphrasing? he once told me that throughout his highschool years, he had a cheating habit, always cheated on his exams and assignments or even having someone done it for him. then comes the time for his final exam, i did 2 of his take-home exam. he doesn't know how to find resources and references for studying. i did his exam because his grades are falling off and his mom told him that if he doesn't pass the test, he's going to drop out. he doesn't even know how to type in ms. word, in this big year... omfg... mind you his family is rich and educated. he doesn't even know how to edit texts with google docs or ms. word, they would all look messy, just terrible.
3. he's undisciplined.
he doesn't have a sense of urgency, always getting late, shrugging off things. during his final exam week, he would choose to hangout until 2 am or 4 am, that's why i did his exam, i dont want him to fail. he even gets up late and ended up being late for classes which affects his grades. he doesn't even take notes and listen to what the professors are teaching. when i did his exam, i have 0 resources and references from his classes, i have to search up journals, articles, and ebooks myself. he told me all the time that he needs to lose weight but did nothing to change that.
4. he's ignorant and just uneducated and im tired of teaching him.
he often said slurs intentionally, misunderstanding mental illness when i, his girlfriend, is diagnosed with one :) he wouldn't listen whenever i try to enlighten him about the topics he's talking about. he would just end up mansplaining all over again, repeating what i told him word for word.
but, he treats me good, he would buy me stuff, he always apologized. he does the bare minimum and even the biggest effort for me, he's pretty selfless when it comes to me. the whole final exam thing is my offer, im the one who offered to help. he would do the most for me. it's just his way of living that i dislike. should i leave? or should i stay? i dont want to ruin things between us | Being kind is bare minimum. You can’t build a future with someone you have to drag through basic adult tasks. You’re not wrong for wanting a partner, not a project |
AITAH for not liking my mums husbands dog? | Bit of a backstory, my mum has been married to this man for 18 years (who I once referred to as my stepdad), about a year and a half ago we found out he’d been cheating on my mum for over a year
All feelings of love I had towards that man disappeared the moment I found out
They are currently still together but are going through separation as we speak (hallelujah)
He bought a dog which he claimed was a gift for my mum 2 weeks before this news came to light
Ever since the dog has been in our house, both my mum and I have despised the dog because the reason he bought it was because of guilt for the fact he did this to my mum
He hasn’t trained this dog nor does he wash it, it’s an absolute nuisance and I hate it
I love animals of all kind but I can’t stand this dog
Am I the asshole? | You dont hate the dog you hate what the dog represent. İts natural for you and your mother to feel this way NTA but this dog has nothing to do with your moms will be ex husbands actions so it would be best for you guys to give the dog to someone who will love it if you keep hating it |
AITAH for telling my best friend I got a puppy for my son | So I (26f) and my bf (25f) have been friends for about 9 to 10 years. I have a son who is 3 years, and I don't have friends who have kids but my bf we will call her (p) has always been a good and supportive friend. And my son who doesn't go to school or daycare doesn't have any friends and I thought he would love a puppy cause what kid wouldn't. Btw we do have (2 dogs) but they are old and can't play with my son like he would like.
So I started looking around for a puppy and I found one who was free in my area. So me and my fiance went to go meet the puppy, she was amazing and sweet. We wanted to surprise my son ( he was definitely excited ) and I thought I would tell my bf and she tells me that I am immature and shouldn't be getting a puppy if I can't take care of it. ( tbf I was in-between jobs) but I have money saved up and it wasn't really and issue.
But she is lashing out at me and calling me an asshole, immature and other things and how she personally doesn't care about stuff like that and to not tell her. I tried asking what her problem was, but she was being just super bitchy so I decided to just leave the convo before things might escalade more. But I am just at a loss. we have always been super close and I have helped her so many times ( when she had no one else) and this is how she wants to treat me? So AITAH for telling my best friend that I got a puppy for my son?
Can post updates | NTA. You got your son a puppy, not a thermonuclear reactor! |
AITAH for being uncomfortable and getting aggravated at my Dad? | I (13m) have been really into roller skating recently, I met this girl I'll call Gigi. This other dude kept hitting on her and being over-all odd in general. Gigi made it very clear that she was a lesbian, but he kept going. Later I left and when I got back home, I told my dad about it since it was real odd. I mentioned she asked for my number (so we could keep in touch and such), and because of that my dad kept insisting she liked me and kept giving excuses and it made me real mad. This isn't just because of that, it's also because I'm in the closet and haven't come out and it makes me feel less excepted. (sorry for bad writing lol, I can give more clarification in comments) | [removed] |
I told my brother in-law this is America AITAH | So this happened over the weekend it’s been almost a week. So to start off me and my family were making tamales and my brother in law had his cousin over and they were drinking, me and my family were doing our thing and my in law starts making comments on how we’re doing our tamales. They wouldn’t stop so we got fed up and said you can talk a lot but won’t make them so please stop, they didn’t I already had a headache from school and my in law being drunk and loud really didn’t help. So this kept going and they speak Spanish and kept talk trash in Spanish I understand it but don’t speak it like my sisters. I ended up making my this is America comment and it truly did come out of nowhere. I understand that I was truly in the wrong with this comment and I have no doubt about it. Here’s where I might be the asshole my sister came to talk to be about it and she wants me to apologize and I intend to because I did disrespect him and it was uncalled for, but at the same time that was nothing compared to what him and his family say about me.i feel like he should know that he kinda had it coming and i do not feel fully regret full for my actions. A little background I am white passing I am Hispanic and Native American but you wouldn’t be able to tell from my skin tone so they all assume. I also have what most would call Chinese eyes even though I don’t it’s just a racist remark I get all the time and other comments about my features that are actually racist, along with him also being closed mined to our own version of Spanish. Where I’m from we have a mix of Spanish and a few native languages which he states isn’t real Spanish since he knows Mexican Spanish. I find it stupid that I have to basically kiss ass for one remark but sit down and stay quite every time they same something that I am self conscious of or say something about my own ethnicity without even actually knowing me. I have made it very clear that I understand what they say I just refuse
to be annoyed in more that one language.AITAH for not feeling truly sorry about my comment? | So they can talk trash but can't take it or make Tamales? NTA OP if they can't take it, then don't dish it out. Also they were TA for speaking a language that not everyone in the room can speak, specifically excluding you and talking trash about you which you knew, everyone knows when someone is shit talking them. That makes them a bigger AH than you could ever be by pointing out a literal fact about your location. |
AITAH for thinking my husband is at work getting aroused by women there | My husband came home from work today telling me he has blue balls and that he can't wait to see me in leggings later and I dont even wear leggings. It was really weird. Then I was like how were you aroused at work what happened? He told me that's not what blue balls ment and I looked it up and I was right and then I explained to him i thought it was weird he said that to me and wanted to see me in leggings and he just ignored me and went to sit on the couch and did not speak to me the rest of the night. | Blue balls means a man got extremely aroused but couldn't climax.
It's a very weird thing for him to say. It's possible he doesn't totally get the meaning. |
AITAH for not answering questions my partner could figure out? | Hi folks - going to try and pose this as unbiased as possible! I truly just want to know if I’m being the asshole here.
My partner and I have been together for quite a few years, living together for most of them now. We met when we were in uni. We are generally really good, but have a disagreement about a specific topic.
My partner (M) often asks me (F) questions regarding the household, cooking, and other shared things, that I often see as us both being able to either figure out or that we should both know. I don’t want to get too specific but it could be questions about what’s in the fridge, how to make something, where an item is in the house, etc.
I have started feeling a bit annoyed by these questions, because I feel that it often takes me time and energy to then remember these things and convey the answer.
My partner feels very differently and gets upset if I don’t choose to share information with him. He feels that a core part of relationships is sharing information and learning from each other. I totally want to emphasize that in our relationship too, but for some reason, I don’t see how me telling him household/kitchen/calendar stuff is learning from one another. If it was a more niche topic that I knew & made sense for him not to know, I’d be super down! But this just feels a bit like laziness sometimes.
But maybe I’m just being an asshole! Genuinely can’t tell and happy to hear different perspectives on this. Please advise Reddit! | So it depends on a few things.
Is he asking basic things like “How do I boil water?” Or is he asking things like “How do I make the Sunday roast taste exactly how your family makes it?”
Is he genuinely asking or is there weaponized incompetence happening?
I have autism and adhd and I have to genuinely ask my girlfriend questions consistently - though they’re mostly clarifying questions. Part of my adhd is a “if I can’t see it, it doesn’t exist” thing and I do genuinely forget where I put items or what we have in the fridge.
Being annoyed does not make you an asshole, at all.
I would have a conversation with him and explain how it feels and brainstorm ways to preemptively help him.
You two could write down recipes together, after a big grocery shop he could take photos of the inside of the fridge to be able to see what’s there, etc.
If you explain this all to him and offer to help on different ways and he still reacts like you’re doing something wrong or gets upset - I’d say HE wbtah. |
AITAH for not letting my daughter’s dad take her suddenly a day before my holiday? | My ex fling Mark (26) and I (19) had a one night stand about a year ago. I gave birth not too long ago to our daughter, Crystal.
Mark was not at the birth, even though I told him when I went into labour. During the pregnancy we spent the full nine months talking, planning, and discussing what we would do once she was born. We got on really well and had a sort of platonic relationship afterwards. I genuinely believed he would be a good dad and that we might eventually build a life together.
He told me he wanted me to keep Crystal because he had always wanted a child and had never found someone to have one with. I do not regret keeping her, but I do wish he was more present and helped me more.
After she was born he slowly started ignoring me and stopped answering my calls. I tried contacting him multiple times, including when I was meant to go to my grandma’s funeral, but he never answered and was somehow never at home.
When Crystal had colic and would not stop crying, I rang and even went to his house because he was supposed to have her that weekend. He did not answer then either, even after making multiple promises that he would take her. After a while I gave up calling.
About a year ago my friend Ellie (20) and I booked a small holiday in the UK to a quiet log cabin style area near Scotland. We booked it before I even knew I was pregnant and we are leaving tomorrow. It is a long road trip.
Today Mark suddenly started calling me nonstop after finding out that Ellie and I were going away and that Crystal was coming with us. He said that if we were drinking all weekend then he would take Crystal because it would not be safe for a baby.
For context, I am not going away to drink. I planned to before I got pregnant but obviously that changed. I do not mind not drinking at all. I did it for nine months and I can do it for three days. Ellie is also bringing her slightly older daughter, so she will not be drinking either. She even bought Crystal a new car seat for the trip.
Mark then said that he never gets time with Crystal and that it is my fault because he gets sick of me calling and thought I only wanted his money. I have never once asked him for money and he has never given me anything for Crystal or paid any form of child support.
Now, right before we are meant to leave, he suddenly wants time with her. Part of me feels guilty because he is her dad and she deserves one, but he has not really been there at all. Everything is packed, plans are set, and this trip has been organised for a long time.
When I tried to explain all of this to him, he argued with me, left me on read, and even hung up on me.
So am I the asshole for not wanting him to suddenly take her now? Is it even my choice considering how uninvolved he has been?
Edit: I posted a picture of me and crystal on my profile so you all can see I am NOT a bad mother 😭😭 | Take Crystal on your trip. You don't owe him anything. When you get back establish child support. Crystal deserves a man who steps up and comes through every time, not a once in awhile dad who comes and goes in and out of her life.
NTA |
AITAH for cutting ties with my mom and sisters | I'll try to keep this as brief as possible.
I have two sisters, one older and one younger. The younger sister has three boys (6, 4, newborn), the older sister has two boys (13 and 6) and I have one boy (4).
The younger sister's middle boy is 2 months older than mine. He has always been a bully and is worse when he has the back-up of his older brother (6). At first, I thought this was targeted at my son. My son is quite docile and polite - not at all violent.
At Easter last year, we were just finished an egg hunt and my husband witnessed the 6yo cousin push my son down and when he tried to stand back up, the 4yo cousin punched him in the face, sending him back down to the ground. My husband was very upset by this and yelled at the 4yo cousin. My sister came running up, screaming at my husband to stay away from her kid. We promptly left.
My sister tries to maintain a picturesque perception of her household. Well, her boyfriend (father of the newborn but not the other two) has let it slip a few times that the 4yo is not only violent towards our son. They tried to get him in to wrestling/karate/combat sports to "get that energy out" as apparently he's had violence issues at school that are going unresolved. Since we had been made aware of that, I was satisfied that they were at least aware and taking some form of action (whether or not I agree with the strategy for correcting this behavior is neither here nor there, but you can guess...)
Therefore, I was okay with going back to their house for a Thanksgiving gathering. It was a very chaotic evening with toys covering the floors of every room that the kids were playing in, NERF darts flying everywhere, screaming, etc. The 4yo cousin was blatantly running around punching people, adults and children alike. I did ask him a few times to "stop the violence" in a nice but stern tone. It was mostly FUN play - until my husband witnessed another act of violence against our son. While playing in one of the boys' rooms, my son was found hiding under a chair from the other two boys and the 4yo cousin had the collar of my son's shirt in his grip, choking him while trying to pull him out from under the chair. My husband picked up the 4yo cousin and set him down behind him to get to my son. When he set the cousin down, he accidentally set him down on top of a large dinosaur toy that hurt his side. The 4yo cousin started crying and ran downstairs to my sister saying that my husband "threw him." They were then closed up in my sister's bedroom for nearly 10 minutes. Seeing no resolution, we promptly left.
Two days later, my mother calls me. She calls once or twice a year so that she can die feeling like she was a decent parent. It starts with "Hey... I heard what happened. He (my husband) really shouldn't have put his hands on (insert 4yo cousin name)." I lost my cool on the phone. This was my breaking point after a series of instances where there was no empathy for our household and the other was being blindly supported. I felt she was instantly taking the only side of the story she had heard and not using her own discernment to recognize that there was no malintent towards the 4yo cousin.
Then I get a long text message from my younger sister (the bully cousin's mom) accusing my husband of "getting physical" with the 4yo and that her "kids will not be around (my) husband again." She was also threatening legal action via the two boys' biological dad.
Bio dad calls my husband and is the only one actually willing to hear his side of the story and is fully understanding that the 4yo's bullying behavior was out-of-line and did not condemn my husband's response of separating the two boys. My husband feels terrible that there was a collateral injury, but it was not intentional.
Neither my older sister nor my mom have reached out to me to check in on this situation, bridge the gap, provide support, make sure my son is okay, nothing. They went on and had Christmas and a birthday party without us hearing a peep about it. I only found out because they all shared photos of these gatherings online.
AITAH to cut these people out of our lives? My biggest concern is my son's relationships with his cousins. He still loves them and asks about them and, while I think a relationship between them is more harmful than helpful right now, I have hopes that the boys will grow out of the violent behavior eventually. However, I'm not sure that I can ever forget the betrayal and isolation that I feel at the hand of my own grown family. | Honestly this is one of those protect your kid first situations. The betrayal hurts but your son comes before keeping the family group chat alive. |
AITAH because I told my wife she needs to get out of her lease with her ex-husband at the end of it? | Long story short, we were married, divorced, and during that time she got her own place with her daughter and her ex husband moved in downstairs to help with rent. Says there is zero chance of anything happening between them, although when we got back together I had a feeling he was there with high hopes and ended up telling her he was in love with her and wanted more even though they have been divorced for over 12 years. Anyways, I knew he was there going into the rekindled relationship and expected that once this lease was up that would be it and she would get her own place. I told her if she doesn’t start looking for her own place she won’t be able to move when the lease is up and she recently said she actually wants to speak to him about going month to month until she can find the “right” house for her and her daughter. This was even after I told her I don’t feel comfortable at this point with them living together. When we first started going back together I would come over at night and spend time with her, not seeing him. But over the last few months I haven’t stepped foot into her house because she said she won’t inconvenience him to have to stay downstairs. So it all seems odd that I can’t even go there anymore. She comes to my house at times but since it’s the house we divorced in, she says she doesn’t like coming here either. She has started new restrictions like, I can’t text her in the morning to say hi because it gives her anxiety when I do, making her feel like she has to respond immediately. She won’t stop by just to say hi. Physical touch has been twice in three months, which she also said she hasn’t wanted it for a while because of the grief she’s been dealing with from the loss of a close family member. Barely likes any physical touch, will only peck kisses. I can’t even joke about being physical with her…thoughts?? | Are you married or not? Because I can’t tell. You said you got married and divorced. So why are you calling her your wife? Why are you living separately and why is she living with her ex ex-husband?
None of this makes any sense |
AITAH for saying no to my BF having s3x w/his ex in front of me? | Background: we've both wanted a threesome with another girl. If we couldn't find another girl who was bi/bi-curious then I would try being in the room and watching him with someone to see if I like that. My guidelines with all of it were the girl had to be a stranger and never the same person twice.
Current: I recently made a dinner date with someone to see if the three of us have chemistry. The dinner date is the 1/20. Today my BF texts me (while I'm in class after working all day) saying that his ex gf/fwb (she wanted more and he was considering it before they broke up and he and I became exclusive) contacted him wanting s3x again. Apparently he told her he's with me but maybe I'd be OK with it if I watched.
I told him "No" because they were considering being exclusive and I know she wanted more, that I felt that would be too risky in regards to emotions getting involved. He didn't respond, so I asked if he was mad and he said he was "bummed" but he understood.
Now I feel like the bad person. But deep down I'm deeply hurt that he would even think it would be OK to consider it himself, let alone ask me - and right during my class! And then to be "bummed" that he can't have s3x with her?! WTF He barely has s3x with me and I want it all.the.time. 😭
Am I overreacting? AITAH?
I feel so self-conscious now. I don't know what to do with this.
🥺 | Asking to fuck his emotionally invested ex? Huge red flag. Your boundaries are valid. |
AITAH for telling my neighbor not to walk with me? | I need to preface this by saying I am a very sociable guy. My wife and I both are very neighborly. We know everyone that lives on our street, all the other dog owners in the neighborhood and most of the people that live on our dog walking path. We are absolutely that lame couple that stands in the driveway for two hours chatting with the neighbors about whether or not plastic flowers are tacky. We're friendly people.
Today after work I took our ten month old son with me to walk our dogs. While we were walking we came across a woman we don't know walking. She asked me about my son and what his name was. I was happy to answer and walk with her. She is probably 20+ years older than me, and I know often older people just want to chat. The conversation kept getting weird though.
It's hard to explain why the conversation was odd just by typing it out. Normally I'll talk about anything. I'm an open book, and nothing is taboo to me. It wasn't just what she said, it was the way she said things. She asked me where my son's name came from. I said the bible. She asked if I believe in God. I said I do. She asked me how long I've believed in God. I said I wasn't sure. I can't remember that far back. She asked me what my earliest memory was, and she really pressed me when I didn't recall. The whole time there was an odd tension in the air. Even the dogs seemed stressed.
After what felt like a long and very stressful conversation I asked which way she was headed (so I could take the opposite route). She said she was just walking for her health and would go with me. I told her I wanted to walk alone for a bit. I could tell her feelings were hurt. I tried to apologize. She said she just wanted to chat and she was sorry.
I feel like such an asshole. She was a socially awkward older lady, and I made her feel bad. Yet even though I feel really guilty, part of me feels justified. Am I the asshole for being so rude to someone probably just trying to make a friend in her new neighborhood? | NTA, vibes are very telling. Trusting their gut gets people out of potentially bad situations! |
AITAH for considering a restraining order against my dad? | I’m a woman in my early 30s and I live independently with no financial or legal dependence on my parents.
I recently went no contact with my family after realizing a long-standing pattern of childhood abuse, boundary violations, and controlling behavior. There has been no physical abuse since I was a child, and really a handful of incidents and only two to me (a remote thrown at me in the back and then a cup smashed in my face while I was drinking, I fell to the floor, then screamed at to clean it up and go to my room for hours before an “apology”) but the emotional and psychological dynamics never fully stopped, I am realizing, unless I am paranoid?
My parents were not together when I was born, mother has schizophrenia and only a fifth grade education and so my dad got custody. When I was very young my stepmom and two stepsisters moved in. Growing up, my household involved physical abuse a few times toward me and siblings, threat once that I saw of physical abuse to my stepmom (he had his fist hauled back), animal abuse and neglect, emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse, and anger and intimidation. I always felt my stepmom was hostile towards me, and when I would tell her she didn’t treat me well, she would shout or say with aggression that my mom put that shit in my head and that it was all in my head. Now my siblings act like I’m brainwashed by my mom to not like my stepmom and am mentally ill. When I protested her a couple of times, my dad responded with the physical abuse (remote and cup). My mom told my dad that my stepmom doesn’t treat me well and needed to be removed but he said it was fine.
I had no advocate in the family and learned to stay quiet, small, and invisible to avoid being targeted. Then my family said I was antisocial and withdrawn and were upset about that. As an adult, I moved out and things appeared decent on the surface, but my dad remained very critical, intrusive, and controlling. He asks about my schedule (just like what are you doing today/tonight/this weekend or got any plans?), pushes for specifics on my finances, asks about my car all the time and plans, and frequently offered money or help in ways that felt like leverage rather than support. I could be wrong though? And I feel like nothing I do is right and he’s always critical and has to be right, even though I’m doing well in life, I’m treated like I’m not. People say I’m way too hard on myself, I have a college degree and support myself.
Recently, I realized that both of my parents were not respecting my autonomy. My mom has schizophrenia and severe boundary issues, and my dad has always acted entitled to access to my life. I needed real space for my mental health. My mom had shared financial and car info I didn’t want my dad to know after I asked her not to, and then I said to leave me alone, and over the next week I got about 10 texts and 10 calls pleading me to forgive and talk to her etc.
I did not announce that I was going no contact. I simply changed my phone number and email and stopped responding. I told my dad once, “Sorry, I’ve been taking a break from being on my phone,” because he was contacting me a lot and seemed frustrated when I didn’t reply quickly enough. I told my mom directly, “I’ve asked for space. Please stop contacting me. I will reach out when I’m ready.” I assume my mom shared this with my dad. They talk and my mom has no boundaries and tells him everything I say. I didn’t tell him directly because I feared he would argue, escalate, or try to reassert control.
Within one week of changing my number, my father escalated in ways that scared me.
On a Monday, he showed up unannounced at my workplace while I was at lunch. He told my boss that I had changed my number, asked whether I had been showing up to work, asked what my schedule was, and asked what time I get off. My workplace found this concerning enough that they alerted others to watch for him and asked me whether my safety or their safety was at risk. My boss only confirmed that I had been coming to work and told him he could do a welfare check if he wanted. I had told her prior that I was limiting contact with family and if they show up I don’t want contact.
That same day after that, my father went to my apartment building and knocked on a neighbor’s door asking if she had seen me. He told her he was my father and asked her to call him if she saw me and asked for the address (it’s the same address as my apartment, just a different unit). My neighbor felt uncomfortable enough to leave me a note warning me and said she intentionally gave him a wrong address for safety reasons.
I was not missing, not in danger, and had not asked for help. I simply needed space. I am an adult who lives alone and supports myself.
While I am not in immediate danger right now, this escalation triggered intense fear. My therapist is very concerned about my safety and advised me to document everything and call the police non-emergency line for guidance. I have done that. I have also contacted domestic abuse hotlines, but they mostly said the decision is up to me. Some said maybe he just wanted to make sure I was okay since I ghosted.
I have installed security cameras, bought mace, and have a friend who will let me stay with them if needed. I feel scared being at home and at work. But maybe I’m overreacting? My lease is not up until May, but if I could, I would move far away and never have contact with my family again. They seem to have no respect or love or care for me.
What makes this confusing is that on the surface my relationship with my dad seemed “okay.” He can be funny and warm at family events and plays well with his grandchildren. But privately, I find him critical, intrusive, and controlling. I recently realized that he often tries to make me doubt myself and positions himself as the authority over my life. Similar to my sister, who I don’t talk to. He got angry and said, “Now why aren’t you talking to your sister?!” And said since I didn’t come to Thanksgiving, I WAS coming to Christmas (I didn’t want to and didn’t). There is also a history of him offering money, car repairs, and mentioning his will in ways that now feel like attempts to maintain control. Maybe not though?
Some people I’ve spoken to say he was “just worried about me.” But a worried parent does not ask for work schedules, show up unannounced at a job, or knock on neighbors’ doors after losing access. That feels like tracking, not concern. Right?
I’m not trying to punish him. I just want safety and peace.
My dilemma is what to do next. I’m considering sending one clear message stating that he is not to contact me, come to my workplace or apartment, or contact anyone who knows me, and that further attempts will be considered harassment, and then blocking him. I’m also considering not contacting him at all and pursuing a restraining or no-contact order based on his behavior. Another option is doing nothing yet and seeing if the behavior stops.
I’m afraid that contacting him at all could escalate things, but I’m also afraid that silence makes him feel justified in tracking me down.
For context, this is not a healthy or close relationship. I thought it was decent and fine, but really I always feel so annoyed when either parent contacts me and asks what I’m doing or demands I answer their calls. There is a long pattern of control, criticism, and boundary violations, and significant childhood abuse. No one has ever reported him for his past violence, and my family has largely normalized it. I have no real allies in my family, and my friendships are limited, which makes this even scarier.
I’m asking whether I would be wrong or overreacting to consider a restraining order. I’m also hoping to hear from people who have dealt with stalking, harassment, or coercive family dynamics, especially in situations involving parents and adult children. I’m trying to make the safest choice and I’m genuinely unsure what that is. Maybe I should send an explicit message on my Google voice number and tell them I am safe and to kit contact or show up? Do I sound irrational and paranoid? Is this weird behavior? | NTAH. Showing up at your work, questioning your coworkers and canvassing your neighbors crosses from concern into behavior that would understandably make anyone feel unsafe, especially given the history you describe. |
AITAH for questioning how my partner shows support? | I’m trying to get an outside perspective because I’m not sure if I’m being unfair or ungrateful.
I (F33) am dealing with a difficult period in my life right now, and my boyfriend (M27) has been helping me financially in very limited ways. I do appreciate that help and I’ve acknowledged it multiple times. This is not about him owing me money or me feeling entitled to his money.
The issue is how support shows up.
From what I’ve noticed over time, support from him tends to happen only in very specific situations:
1: During a crisis or a problem that needs assistance.
2: On special occasions.
3: Or when the reason for money feels justified only to him.
Outside of those situations, there’s a lot of resistance or questioning, even when what I’m asking for is small. And I RARELY ask for anything at all.
I know some people might ask “Well, he helps in emergencies, so what’s the issue?”
The issue is when support only shows up during crises, or special occasions, it makes me feel like I’m only valued or supported when something is wrong. It feels like I have to be struggling, or have a reason that’s justifiable only to him, in order to receive care.
I want a partner who ALSO feels good seeing me happy, supported, and cared for even when nothing is wrong.. for MY wants, for ease, for “just because” moments, for leisure.
I don’t want to be seen only through my struggles.
I want a partnership where care exists even when I’m simply okay.
What feels off to me is that what counts as a need, or what’s worth supporting, is filtered entirely through what he deems valid.
Again. When something doesn’t align with what he considers worthwhile, or when it’s simply for my enjoyment, it’s often met with resistance or questioning, even if it’s small or minimal.
Support tends to show up when it aligns with how he believes support should work, when it makes sense within his own framework, It doesn’t feel very responsive to me as a partner so much as it feels structured around what HE personally finds valid or meaningful.
So I asked him, “if my life were to become back stable tomorrow.. no crisis, no emergency, nothing that needs to be fixed.. How would you show up for me? What does support look like then?”
I’d also like to add:
Even then, crisis-related support isn’t guaranteed. It’s still selective, and there are times when help doesn’t fully show up or doesn’t resolve the situation. That’s part of what’s made me reflect on the dynamic.. support feels conditional not only outside of crises, but even within them.
I will elaborate more within the comment section. | You’re in the right, wanting consistent, unconditional support doesn’t make you demanding.. it makes you human |
Me and my mom almost made someone cry, AITAH? | I’m really sleepy and English is my second language so I apologize in advance, also all of this was said in our native language so it might seem fake written down in English.
So Yesterday my mom was wearing a tiny bit of lipstick that suited her really well, this woman who we’ve known for years made a snarky comment saying that it doesn’t suit her and how she’s being such an attention seeker (my mom is gorgeous and everything looks great on her, she got a ton of compliments that day) Even though she was the one who was wearing ten pounds of makeup.
Me and my mom tried to ignore her at first, we were really used to her comments. Anyways she kept going on and on. My mom got tired of it and told her “I’m only wearing lipstick and look way better than you, you’re the one who’s wearing a ton of makeup and look like an ogre.” My mother then pulled out her phone and told her to look at the difference, everyone started laughing including the lady’s best friends and guess what? She started tearing up and trying to de-escalate the situation.
She tried to do the same thing to me later and I sarcastically complimented her makeup and she was on the verge of tears. I get that me and my mom went a little overboard but this woman is literally so annoying and always picking on people, even if it’s a five year old girl she has something negative to say. But I do feel bad though, my mom raised me to always be kind to everyone and it was the first time I insulted someone like that,and I feel like the phone thing was a bit much. AITAH? | This woman absolutely asked for it. She verbally attacked your mother--this wasn't even criticism, this was personal insults and haranguing. Your mother did nothing to invite this. She was patient. You were patient. This woman would Not Shut Up, she just kept attacking and being hostile.
And once wasn't enough. She couldn't break your mother down so she tried it with you, even after she got lessoned. This woman is NUTS.
How on earth could you imagine you were the asshole here? NTA |
AITAH for not sending an apology text? | Trying this again because it was removed. Not sure why?
CW - miscarriage.
This is a long one purely for back story. Apologies in advance!
Start of December 2024 I find out I’m pregnant, the same day I end up in hospital because I’m in so much pain. Docs say it’s likely ectopic so I need scans every week. We finally find out it’s a viable pregnancy (yay) and 2 days later I start bleeding really heavily, so much so I thought I’d had a miscarriage. Next scan shows I’m still pregnant but have a massive blood clot. Advised to rest. 3 weeks after resting I lost my baba 😞💔
I’ve been heartbroken and beating myself up in many different ways. I also push feelings down and get on with things so I’ve had mini breakdowns here and there because I’ve not really dealt with my grief properly.
Around the due date my partner and I had planned a trip. He was laid off from his job so didn’t have money or savings for us to go away. Fine. Life muddles on and I’m still trying to process my grief.
December rolls around and we’re invited to spend Christmas with his family (who I love and get on great with) I say to my partner I can’t deal with Christmas this year and would prefer to be alone the 2 of us and we don’t have to pretend, we can just be. He didn’t agree (won’t go into that conversation as it’s probably a whole other post)
On the back of this conversation we had a massive argument and I said I needed time and space. He kept pressuring me about Xmas so I just said I won’t be going anymore regardless of us making up, I’m going to have a chill day. Then no one is cancelling last min. I said please pass on I’m sorry for cancelling, appreciate the invite, hope you all have a great day.
Want to add here I’ve a very mentally and physically demanding job and burnt out in December so I need the peace when I finally got it.
Alls well and good, we make up and sort things which brings us to today’s argument. Apparently I’m ignorant and selfish because I didn’t send a text cancelling? Or a merry Christmas text? I didn’t get any either. I’m autistic and have ADHD, have I been massively ignorant and missed something or is this emotional manipulation?
Reddit, AITAH? Give it to me straight…
ETA - December was very triggering for me because of what was happening the year before. Constant stream of stress and scans praying everything would Be ok. Also meant to be our first Xmas as a family of 3. I didn’t have it in me to fake smile by the 19th never mind the 25th. | NTAH. Given the grief and how clearly you communicated your need for space, not sending a separate text doesn’t read as selfish so much as someone doing the best they could during an overwhelming time. |
AITAH - For sending an anonymous message | I sent an anonymous message to an ex friend saying that her boyfriend of 5 years is cheating on her.
Backstory: I used to be best friends/coworkers with this person, I’ll call her Sarah. We ended up having a falling out when she started dating her current boyfriend (the one I’m referring to). Basically, she didn’t want to continue our friendship after she started showing up late to work, because she was hanging out with her boyfriend instead of coming to work on time. I called her out, and she decided to end our friendship - this is a very loose summary.
Anyway, we no longer work together. However, another person I work with, we will call her Ashley, is very close with Sarah’s boyfriend. Sarah’s boyfriend used to always flirt with Ashley in group chats, and we all thought he was somewhat kidding. He is a very sarcastic guy, and would often act immature/joke around. Recently, Ashley told me that Sarah’s boyfriend had been sending her dick pics, asking her to come over when Sarah isn’t home, and generally trying to get her to cheat with him.
Because I still believe Sarah is a good, loyal, honest person, I felt compelled to inform her that her boyfriend is not being faithful of her. However, due to our falling out, I sent an anonymous message.
All I said in the message is that I am sorry to be the one to say this, but her boyfriend has not been faithful to her. I told her I do not have evidence, but that if it were me, I’d want to know. I explained what Ashley told me, loosely, and that she can do what she pleases with that information. I deleted the anonymous texting app, and said nothing else.
I know Ashely wasn’t lying, I know Sarah’s boyfriend is a dirt bag. But everyone else I’ve talked to said they wouldn’t have told Sarah. I realize it’s not my relationship, but if I know someone’s being cheated on why wouldn’t I say anything? AITAH?
| NTA
Sarah deserves to know. Particularly as it is being openly discussed behind her back. |
WIBTAH if I lie to my friend and cause her to miss her dream concert? | I have friend I'll call sophia, I have been friends with her for the past 8 years. We have been in a trio with another girl, I'll call stella for the past 6 years, although I've been friends with stella for 12 years and eventually introduced the two to each other which led to our trio. Sophia and I have both been long time fans of the same artist (which ironically I introduced her to), stella is also a fan but listens more casually than sophia and I. Once sophia began liking said artist, we both would talk about wanting to go to their concert for years but couldn't. They are touring soon, and typically I would go with my aunt to concerts and since my friends wanted to go, I mentioned VERY casually that maybe I could have all of us go with my aunt as a chaperone. Sophia took it VERY seriously and would text me constantly about how I should talk to my aunt as soon as I could, I reluctantly did because while sophia was my friend, I felt bad for asking my aunt to be in charge of ticketing and chaperoning all of us. Despite sophia begging me to ask my aunt and my aunt agreeing, she continued with asking me if she should try ticketing on her own, which I asked if it was just for her or for us three, she specified that she wanted to get tickets for only stella and herself. I got super annoyed because my aunt was going out of her way to get tickets for us and plan everything and if sophia got tickets for her and stella, not only would I be left out of our friend group, but my aunt would have two extra tickets and it would be up to her to resell them or figure something out with the tickets. I feel even worse because my aunt is just trusting me enough to trust my friends to pay her back and this is what sophia is doing.
Along with this concert situation, for the past 2 or 3 years, sophia has seemed very open about disliking me, so much so that it makes stella uncomfortable along with many of our shared friends. She has openly excluded me from hangouts by asking stella specifically, and when stella mentions inviting me, she steps in and makes excuses for me, saying things like I am probably working, and when she has asked me if I was working it was only so she knew that she could get a discount from where I work rather than spend time with me. Some other examples of her disliking me would be yelling at me in front of others during dance practices for doing something wrong when the choreographer herself did not mention anything I was doing wrong and she had no power or reason to call me out. She has only gotten more blunt to the point of genuinely asking whats wrong with me in front of our shared friends and even went further to talk poorly of me to our shared friends that I introduced to her, saying I was so bad at my job that I would lose my job within 2 weeks, how I was not good enough to major in dance like I considered and how she wanted to cut me off but didn't want me to get depressed without having any friend left (which I assume she assumed everyone would follow her lead and cut me out too).
Stella, along with some of our shared friends have become victims to sophia's trash talking but they all admitted what sophia has said to me and how it was much worse for me than anyone else in our group. In many of those cases, my friends changed the conversation from sophia talking about me and/or tried defending me. There are many things sophia has done that I am uncomfortable with and don't agree with but I kept talking to her briefly for the sake of the rest of the group until we all realized she was talking badly about all of us to each other. We all don't really know how to approach the situation so we're all just taking it as it comes.
But back to the concert tickets, I feel like even though sophia has done so much to my friend group, and apparently especially me, it would be wrong of me for thinking of lying and saying I couldn't get tickets for her (I would likely only end up going with my aunt, not even stella because I don't want to drag her into what I want to do and she isn't bothered by not going) so I don't have to go with her. But considering the artist, she likely won't be able to get tickets if my aunt can't, leaving her to miss one of her favorite artists that she's been dreaming of seeing for years. But at the same time, I feel like I'm being used by sophia as she only acts nicely when she wants something, otherwise she ignores me or blows up at me.
So, WIBTH to cause my friend to miss the concert of her dreams? Is it okay for me to crush one of her dreams for revenge? | No you would not be TA, but you need to learn to chose your friends better. She’s clearly not even a friend, why is she still allowed to come to the friend group if no one likes her?
Losing possible access to an artist won’t be the end of the world for her - even if she WILL act like it - and she also caused this on herself. If the truth ever needs to come out, just be honest. She’s been treating you poorly, she’s been treating your friends poorly, how can she assume she’s going to get tickets to an event when she’s behaving like a spoiled brat?
NTA, but start cutting her off in general. With friends like that, who needs enemies? |
AITAH for terminating my unplanned pregnancy with my bf of 9 months. | My bf(27) broke up with me (24) after 9 months together because I decided to terminate our unplanned pregnancy.
We had been together for 9 months and he had been unemployed for 8 months bc he lost his job from being late. He has 10k in bank account and 10k in crypto. He was sure he was ready to be a father saying he would get a job right away but the job he got he had to score fake pee to pass the drug test. He said he would do anything for me and the baby but was verbally abusing me when I told him I didn’t want a baby yet. He told me he wish he never met me. That I’m extremely rude. That I’m killing his baby. That he wants me to have it and he will raise it without me until he meets a woman steps up. That he wants a DNA test.
I have been planning to start a full time xray program this fall for two years. He knows I’ve been working hard on prerequisites and this is my dream career. If I have the baby I won’t be able to start the program for another year. I also told him awhile back I was not near ready for a kid for a few more years. I never told him I wanted it. I feel as if I have it the verbal abuse would get worse, we would separate and the baby and I would have a hard life full of court and debt.
Now his mom is texting me paragraphs on how I should keep it and I will regret it and I’m not considering her son’s feelings. She’s sent me videos of abortion and says he has every right to break up with me.
AITAH for feeling like he should have stayed with me so we could have a marriage and then a baby in the future. AITAH for not keeping this baby?
Edit to original post: Thanks to everyone for sharing their advice and even those who were brave to speak of their abortion experience or regrets.
I see a lot of comments of how and why would you want to stay with him and it’s because I loved him even when people aren’t the best love still prevails so yeah. But I now know what I deserve in my life.
Also a lot of people calling him a druggie: he told me fake pee was needed because he drank a thc drink before we found out I was pregnant and he wanted to ensure that he would get the job. As for if he was smoking , I wouldn’t know bc we didn’t live together but he told me he doesn’t do drugs anymore(used to be an addict 5 years ago) | NTA. But seriously he did you a favor by breaking up with you. Unemployed for 8/9 months you've been together. Cries to mommy about your relationship. Verbally abuses you and threatens to take your child. What a winner. |
AITAH for wanting wedding talk out of the group chat | I’m in a large friend group groupchat of 15 gals who went to school together. We’re all in late 30s. One member is getting married this summer and we are happy for her! I like the guy! She is very openly talking about it in the chat. Stuff like “what weekends are ppl free for bachelorette?”, “add to our wedding Spotify playlist”. Even asking people to help her with the wedding logistics (picking up stuff from the suburbs from marketplace she is buying for the event etc.)
The thing is… not everyone in the chat is invited to the wedding. I am not, and neither are at least 5 others in the chat. We make side chats all the time for stuff like bachelorette viewing nights or hikes or other events mentioned in the chat but that not everyone is participating in… I’m not mad about no invite (she is entitled to invite whoever she wants on her special day and I have a strict no stress policy about this stuff). But it’s crazy to me that she would be asking people to help her do stuff for an event she is not going to let them attend!!! This all seems like bridal party work to me anyway and it’s not clear to me that anyone in the chat is in the bridal party…
Would I be the AH if I asked her in DM to make a side chat? It keeps happening and I am biting my tongue! Legit starting to wonder if my invite just ended up in my junk inbox.
Or am I being too sensitive and this is just how wedding ppl be (FWIW I’ve been common law for 10 yrs and would never in my life want to plan a wedding hahaha)
TIA!
ETA: a typo and a bit of context | NTA. This is a group chat for stuff that is relevant to the entire group. Since 5 are not invited, this is not an appropriate venue for her wedding discussion. The bride needs to create a separate group and owes the main group an apology first insensitivity. |
AITAH for being "too kind" to my ex | So I (35 F) have been with my partner (29 M) for almost 11 years at this point. We met during a very tumultuous time in my life. I was married to a man who was very abusive in our early years of dating and marriage, I will not go into those details. My ex and I have a daughter together, who is now 15, and were married honestly way too young and under terrible circumstances. When I met my current partner, I honestly didn't think happiness was meant for me, but fate is funny that way, and we have spent the last 11 years together.
now, in those years, I have still been married to this other man, not because I wanted to be, but because all of the fear and conditioning I was subjected to from my marriage and the few years before that. I made a lot of my decisions based on fear and survival. Understandably, my partner highly disagrees with how Ive handled things going forward, but, I didn't have the strength or knowledge of how to correct things. I feared serious backlash from this man I had been taught to fear and obey through his "old fashioned" views. And, lets be honest, a lot of women find it hard to listen to "just leave him" when you're in situations as I was. Jobless, broke, sheltered, and scared. Not really knowing what the right thing is to do and having so many people coming at you in so many directions telling you so many different things in the worst possible ways. For a long time I never knew any better. I just knew survival.
However, in this recent year I finally had the courage to stand up for myself and get this long awaited divorce started.
At the time of confrontation, I was pregnant. After 10 years of being with the love of my life who rescued me from a life under an abusive man's thumb, and I was ready to finally put an end to all my fears.
I won't lie, it was very hard for me to confront this man, as pregnant as I was, and tell him it's time for me to do the right thing. At first it was scary, he was very angry, understandably, and I was terrified, but I was able to power through one of the hardest things I've ever had to face in my life. And you know, today, we are actually better for it.
I left my ex almost 11 years ago, and though he clung to the fantasy of me coming home to him one day, he slowly realized that wasn't going to happen. I've been very firm on it too and never give him any room for him to ever think of it as a possibility. I gave birth 7 months ago to a beautiful baby girl, my 15 year old, reluctantly, accepted that she now has a little sister and is no longer an only child, and I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life with the man who made this all possible for me.
But...
Living through all these years of fear and anxiety, I still have one fatal flaw; My kindness.
Even though I went through hell because of my ex, I am still too kind in the eyes of my partner. Even though my ex will bring out the worst person in me at times, I can still talk and laugh and joke with him. It's easy to carry on conversation with this man for many reasons;
We've known each other since high school, he's gone through extensive therapy and behavior classes, moved to another country and back after a few years that honestly grounded him even more. He has a whole new outlook on life and humanity that I never thought I would see. Does this mean I ever want to go back? Absolutely not. But, it does make co-parenting and conversating very easy.
I've always been a kind person, and sometimes I believe that simply being kind to someone even though they don't deserve it can go a long way in not only saving my own ass, but showing humility as well.
This is where my partner and I butt heads. He does't think I should just have friendly conversations all willy nilly like we're friends because of what he put me, us, through. Though I agree with him on some level, I can't agree to be cold. It simply isn't in my nature. Though my ex treated me badly while we were together, I've known him for almost 20 years, and we know eachother well. I can easily keep my distance, but I don't want to change who I am at the core. It's caused a lot of friction with my partner recently and he becomes cold towards me and when he confronts me on why I insist on carrying on friendly conversation even though I say I want nothing to do with this man, I honestly just shut down and say "you're right, im sorry." Which makes him more mad. But I don't know what to do when faced with that situation.
on one hand, I'm deeply hurt and feel berated for it, on another hand I can also see where he's coming from not wanting me to be friendly with my ex. But it isn't even that I'm trying to be "friendly", I'm just being me. The me who's kind, likes light hearted banter on occasion because to me that feels safe, and knowing being kind will take me a lot farther than being the typical mean ex-wife. I'm not trying to be his friend, I'm just not trying to be the kind of person I hate. Why waste energy being nasty to another human being? I have a child with him, and to me co-parenting is a lot more successful when you're kinder to one another.
I don't know how I'm supposed to feel, or react, I don't know what to do, or what not to do in this situation.
It may have been a long 11 years for my partner, but what about for me and all I went through to get to where I'm at, and who I am today?
AITA? | You are mistaking “kindness” for codependency and Stockholm syndrome. I broke off a relationship once because the woman I was with would constantly complain about her ex/babydaddy, but would also spend time on the phone with him everyday.
I told her I wasn’t going to watch her willingly keep throwing herself into situations that made her miserable. But I also was not her dad, and wasn’t going to give her orders. She simply had a choice: 1.) me, and no meaningful contact with babydaddy outside of the parenting app, or 2.) not me, and do whatever you want.
She chose 2, I think believing that I was bluffing. I got up from the table, gave her a hug, and said goodbye.
So yeah. I’m sure you appreciate how patient your partner is, but nobody has limitless patience. Don’t romanticize your inability to break away from your abuser by saying “oh golly I’m just too KIND!”
Your attachment is a pathology, and your current relationship might not survive it. |
AITAH for putting my CPTSD over my wedding ? | I am engaged to the man of my dreams and we’ve done things backwards. First date I knew he was the one, moved in 6months later, 14months together we tried for a baby and were successful, now we have a beautiful baby. He has treated me so well. He isn’t perfect but I’ve accepted his imperfection the way he has accepted mine. You get the picture: with him I’m at peace. We agree on most things but one constant headache is our wedding.
We are both introverted calm people. We don’t drink or party, and don’t like to be the center of attention. We both have always cringed at how expensive weddings are and how no guest is ever happy with your wedding, always finding something to criticize. I’ve never dreamed of a big wedding or it was never my dream to get married. I’ve always wanted to find my soulmate, promise to be together under God, and just have a fun little gathering (like literally a potluck or costume party).
The reasons I’ve never wanted a wedding:
1) I’m a product of an affair meaning I have never had my father in my life and some of his family doesn’t even know I exist
2) I’ve had a horrible relationship with my mother. She was very abusive to me as a child.
3) My stepdad is extremely controlling over my mom + stepsiblings
4) my grandfather is the biggest POS I know as he was physically and emotionally abusive to my whole family
5) most of my family is single, or separated or in an unhappy relationship = I’ve never seen a happy marriage and I’ve been to one wedding
6) I m not in debt, but basically living pay check to paycheck with this economy. I have 8k savings like my life savings. I can’t afford a wedding and my family will not pay or help me out financially for one.
7) I hate being the center of attention and all my friends are spread across the county. But basically I feel like I have like 2 friends.
So, I won’t have anyone to walk me down the aisle , no father daughter dance, I can’t even dance and I dont even listen to danceable music (rap and metal?), I dont even have enough close friends for a bridesmaids, I don’t get the point of a bridal shower. I get anxiety, anger and sadness when I think of weddings. It’s not something I get excited about. I’d be happy with eloping or inviting my family but not expecting anyone to show up.
We had planed to have a church wedding and then go to a buffet. Our families live 6hrs from each other so we wanted to find a place in the middle. I was okay with that, kinda lowkey. However my fiancé today mentioned how people would expect more and they’d want to mingle, dance and that we could think of something a bit bigger. I explained to him how I had no one to walk me down the aisle and I’d really be ashamed and sad about it. He said he understood and suggested we could walk down together which was sweet.
He says he wants a lowkey wedding but that people in his family want to see him get married and except more than church and food. This upsets me bc he doesn’t even get along with most of his family. They barely made an effort to see our baby (we had no baby shower bc I didnt want to host a party just for gifts). We decided on having guests over our apartment so we could really get to know them / or for them to get to know me. Anyways, I felt like we had to beg people to come and then some of his family even cancelled twice on us. They only met our baby at a Christmas dinner.
My family isnt any better. I had to travel to them for them to meet my baby and they barely seemed excited.
So I’m jaded. I feel like everyone says they will come and I know last minute they wont. They didnt even make an effort to meet our baby. I doubt they will drive 3-4 hrs for our wedding. So i dont want to spend money I dont have to have people cancel. I know some of his and my family will come. The ones that really care. And if thats the case then Id love to sit down and talk with them, share my happiness. I dont want loud music, mediocre overpriced food and so many people that I wont even hear my one voice or get a chance to really talk to anyone.
If I go along with a wedding I’ll feel so shitty about the dad situation and then stress about the money. I know I won’t be happy. However, I know my partner has always wanted to get married and have kids. He is the last of his siblings to marry. I don’t want to take that away from him. I feel like a child who is refusing to have a good time. I just can’t seem to get onboard to have a party when I feel like no one really cares about us, people just want an excuse to dress nice and drink and dance. All things I don’t like. I also don’t want to be disappointed when people won’t come or just stay amongst themselves (we both have family members that won’t talk to other family members). Like so much family drama and I don’t want to stress on such a special day. I also think he wants a big wedding celebration bc his family doesn’t get together often and people are getting older/sicker. I feel like the grinch of weddings and I am scared to break my partners hopes and dreams of having a nice wedding. He deserves it, he is a good man, and I wish I could be as excited as he is for the celebration. I already feel married to him and I know he is my soulmate.
Anyways, AITAH for not wanting a big wedding? I need help on how to solve this dilemma. I have a feeling I’d cry if I walked down the aisle and I’d hate the day forever.
TLDR: I never had any good men in my life, I don’t have a father or father figure so walking down the aisle etc gives me anxiety. I have been let down my both our families when it came to see our baby, I feel like people will cancel or not come to our wedding and I’ll be disappointed and hurt. However, it seems important to my partner and I don’t know how to find a middle ground.
| NTA Can you get legally married elopement-style & then work with your husband on at least his family proving they can be relied on to actually show up if you were to have a wedding? Plan some other, smaller get-together & if most people flake, you can use that as justification for not doing a big wedding. If people show they can be reliable, you'll feel more confident having a larger wedding.
Plus by then maybe your baby will be old enough to walk you down the aisle or dance with you. |
AITAH for leaving a child out | My Daughter does not get along with another little girl in her class. 18 months ago maybe I called her Mom and asked if she fancied a play date - the Mom became defensive and aggressive telling me that her daughter was a sweet little angel and mine was a monster, which led to the two of us not speaking since.
My daughter is having a birthday party on Sunday and she's invited the whole class, except for this certain little girl. I tried everything to persuade her to invite her but she was adamant - within the last 18 months this little girl has repeatedly hurt my daughtet, hit her with a toolbox toy and tore her coat pulling her. My daughter cried when I tried to force it and begged me not to because she didnt want her to hurt her on her birthday and be mean to her. In the end I told her whilst it would be very kind of her to send an invitation, if she wasnt comfortable with it she shouldn't do it and so no invite was sent.
I'm now being bombarded with text messages from other Mom's in the class about how unfair it is that one child has been left out. I felt awful enough about it without being given the side eye on the yard and all these messages. I knew people would think it was my decision which is why I tried so hard to persuade her to just invite her. The last two parties she was invited to.
AITA? | F all that noise. Your kid's safety is paramount. Tell all the other moms why you won't invite the little monster. Let's light this firecracker |
AITAH for cutting contact with my supposed best friend because of this situation? | This is a doozy so settle in. We had gone to the guy with this guy well just use initials A and A asked me and my fiance "are you going to this thing at B and C's tomorrow night?" C is supposed to be my best friend for context. And neither one of us had heard about it so we already knew we weren't getting an invite and this has happened so many times in the past too. So A said if you guys aren't invited I'm not going and we'll do something else.
Well the day comes it gets late and we weren't invited still so we decided to go out with A his wife and cousin. While we were out C texts me and is like "hey what's up" mind you we hadn't talked all day. So I said "just in town wbu?" And she leaves that on delivered but she sends a picture of the bon fire in the group chat and said "this is nice" and my fiance responded "would have liked and invite" and this guy J said "we know 🤓" (we'll get to J in a minute 🙈) then C sent a picture of everyone laughing. we decided to just turn off our phones and have fun with A and his crew
C had left my what are you up to message on delivered for 3 hours until everyone had left the party then she responded to me "just watching TV" I was very hurt and upset at this point so I said "mhmm" and she sent a picture to "prove" she was watching TV. I left her on opened
So we didn't talk for a week and our streak ended during this time and I spent that whole week hurt, feeling so excluded, thinking constantly, in bed, crying, completely anxiety ridden and I decided that I needed to message her and tell her how I felt and I also decided to step out of being her maid of honor and cancelling her as my maid of honor. We'll get to why.
So I messaged her what I thought was a very respectful message saying basically in short that I was hurt by what happened and then saying that I've been thinking about it and I decided I needed to step down as her maid of honor because I wasn't comfortable associating with J (the best man) and that I wouldn't be continuing with her as my maid of honor either.
She accepted that but asked me why I'm so against J which she knew I wasn't
So I told her. This is what J has done. We went out bowling and he got drunk and was drawing inappropriate stuff on the back window and I went to erase it and he grabbed my arm that's originally what upset me but then we were driving home and he pulled out his phone and on full volume started playing video of him having relations with his ex gf and showing everyone.
Second and this one is more serious imo. And keep in mind this came from his mouth he told this story because we weren't there. The group had gone drinking and they decided to go to Denny's after and drunk B and C started having relations in the back seat and her top was up exposing herself and J was looking but then her shirt fell back down and J reached back there and lifted it back up.
She told me that I was being dramatic and I need to get over it because it happened to her and she's fine with it and comfortable around him and me calling it SA was diabolical and it's fine that it happened because he was drunk and I said "oh really because he was driving" and she said "he sobered up to drive" and I said "ok so he was sober enough to drive he was sober enough to know better" and she said "well we were all drunk" and defended drunk driving by saying "every does it" and told me I'm no longer allowed to group hangouts because J will always be there because he's the godfather of her son and B's pookie.
She went to bed after that and I decided you know what I don't want to be friends with someone that defends those actions and drunk driving and invalids my concern and boundaries so I removed her off of Snapchat. I didn't block her I removed her. Then I was trying to relax and unwind on TikTok and Instagram and I went to share a video with someone and her name popped up and it was triggering so I blocked her on those two and only those two. She messaged my fiance the next day which I feel like is another boundary thing but anyways she said "since she blocked me on everything there's no hope for reconciliation."
Aitah? Did I over react and should I not have removed her? Aitah for calling what J did sexual assault? Did I cause drama for stepping down as the moh? I'm constantly overthinking myself and wondering if I'm just a bad person and why it was so easy for me to cut her off | NTA, sometimes you need to realise that certain people shouldn't be in your life if they don't value you as you value them. |
AITAH if I leave my boyfriend of 4 years? | Throwaway account
Hi Reddit,
I’m super bad at typing so if it’s all over the place I’m super sorry, anyway,
Me and my boyfriend of 4 years have been off and on. I really wanted it to work this time but I’m getting tired slowly.
After making a couple of other Reddit posts I’m starting to see I feel like a mother to a male child. He doesn’t have a job currently and has told me he has been applying for a couple months now and he keeps telling me “he might not be hireable.” And I get the job hunting now days is a total disaster but it’s really hard on me because I’m paying the rest of the bills because we are both on the lease and I don’t want to be kicked out. He at least has been paying his one bill which I appreciate but still you know?
I come home after work and I have to make dinner or figure out what we are having for dinner most of the time. I’m so tired of cooking after work or always spending my money on food to figure out dinner. Some times he does buy dinner when he does have some cash which is great but you know? Outside of buying dinner once or twice in the last 6 months we lived together he’s made dinner once in the house.
Then there comes Christmas, he got money from his relative and decided to buy a switch two for “both of us.” Which didn’t really feel like a gift for me when he plays it all the time and completely ditches the limited edition switch one I bought him a year or so ago. He told me he was going to buy me a book boquet online for me for Christmas. Which he never did and it kinda hurt that he can spend that kind of money on a switch when he had one that already worked and that I bought for him. I don’t think it helps ethier I bought him a gaming chair, a new headset and a 60 dollar game to play all for the sake of him. He needs a new gaming chair though because he kept breaking our dining chairs (I didn’t buy them) and his head set was on its wits end. But they all were for the favor of him. Besides that small portion I’ve spent so much money on this man for me just to get “we share the switch to play Mario Kart once in a while .”
A little thing that also bothers me, even though he’s home all the time I have to ask him to clean, if I don’t ask him he won’t clean. I tired to talk to him about it but he told me straight up he needs to be asked which is crazy to me because I clean without needing to asked or told what to do for cleaning. I usually end up cleaning alone once a week.
I’m not trying to sound ungrateful but I feel unneeded and I’m slowly feel like wear and tearing myself. Does that make sense? Am I crazy?
Another question is, our 6 month lease is almost up, when do I end it? I don’t have an exact date when the lease expires.
Tl;dr: I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years, on and off, and I’m getting tired. He doesn’t have a job, I pay most of the bills and handle most of the cooking and daily responsibilities. For Christmas, he used money from a relative to buy a Switch “for both of us” that he mostly uses, didn’t get me the book bouquet he promised, and I feel like I put way more effort and money into him than he does into me. I’m starting to feel more like his parent than his partner and I’m worn down and questioning if this is normal or fair. | No one can be an AH for ending a relationship they no longer want to be in. Period |
AITAH for cuting ties with my disabled mother because she took my drug-addicted brother back in? | I'm 37, and I have a brother (33) and a sister (34). My brother has serious substance abuse problems (drugs and alcohol) and refuse treatment. He's very anxious and has low self-esteem, which he hides behind an unhealthy facade and crazy incel ideas. He probably has an undiagnosed mental illness. My sister has social anxiety and has never really been respected by my parents, much less by my brother, who takes his anger out on her. My sister is completely traumatized. My brother isn't physically violent towards others, but he yells, insults, and punches walls. My mother (73) has bipolar disorder and has refused treatment for over 25 years.
Until that fateful day, my sister and mother lived alone together in the apartment right next door to mine. We share the same courtyard. On December 20, 2025, my mother brought my brother back to her apartment, fully aware that this would have serious consequences for me, my family, and my sister. But, she told me, she had no choice since my brother was being evicted from his apartment. She never once checked if there was a less damaging alternative.
CONTEXT : I have been in a relationship for several years, and we have two children from previous marriages.
As you might have guessed, I come from a pretty dysfunctional family. My parents, brother, and sister have always demanded a lot, A LOT, of my energy... And given how close they live, it's hard to escape them. It's not uncommon for a family member to show up at my house asking for help because my brother is experiencing toxic psychosis, or my mother is having a manic episode at the casino, or my brother is improvising a new job as drug dealer, or one of them needs to be rushed to the hospital, or is becoming a danger to themselves... I've often had to intervene to prevent disasters in dramas worthy of Hollywood. For example, during a particularly intense phase of her illness, my mother literally hired a hitman to kill my father (basically, my father and I met with the hitman—who was also her lover—and put an end to the plan... yes, really...). Another example: because my mother's address is well-known to the police, the tactical squad descended on her house, believing there was a risk of hostage situation. It was a large-scale operation with dozens of police cars and at least fifty officers! They trashed my mother's house... only to discover that it wasn't my brother with a gun that the neighbors had seen, but my son with a toy...
There's also the everyday madness: For example, my mother called me because she was having trouble with her printer. She didn't want me to read the documents, but I did, ... only to discover it was a $36,000 loan agreement with an outrageous interest rate... because she wanted to get all her teeth fixed to have a more beautifull smile. I convinced her not to sign the contract at the last minute. She doesn't have any money! And yet, for a brief moment when I was a teenager, my family were millionaires. Yes, really! My mother won the lottery! She gave more than half of her money to her siblings and her share of the million was gambled away at the casino.
In other words, I'm constantly being called upon to deal with the "drama next door," even though I don't live there. My sister is the one who's having the hardest time. She's in the middle of all the madness. I'm just the emergency services, the transport, and the administrative service. At least, me and my sister support each other.
My family often laughs, saying I'm the real mom... which I don't find so funny after all...
But I'm also seen as a pain in the ass by my mother and brother. I'm the one who calls the ambulance or the police when things get out of hand, I'm the one who's constantly trying to convince them to get therapy, I'm the one who thwarts their crazy plans. This has become even more true since my father died.
Fast forward to 2022. By then, my brother who live at my mum next door to me, is constantly drunk or high. Calling the police and ambulance is a regular occurrence because of his toxic psychosis and suicide threats. Every time he's taken to the hospital, he's immediately discharged once the drugs wear off. He refuses treatment, and it's impossible to force him. The system considers him not dangerous enough in the immediate future... even though, in his delusions, he threatened to kill us to prove he's god. My amazing partner supports me beyond duty, but we're exhausted. At that point, my partner's ex is starting to question his son's safety at our house, which is causing a custody problem. The entire neighborhood is witnessing our family saga. It's hell!
At the time, my brother was working in a psychiatric hospital (I know, we can't make that shit up...).
They only started taking us seriously when my brother had one of his toxic psychotic episodes at work. It was his employer who sent him to the psychiatric ward for an emergency stay. He was admitted for 48 hours against his will.
For the first time, my brother was truly evaluated by a psychiatrist who took his entire history into account. The psychiatrist met with my sister and me, and we poured our hearts out. My sister described her daily hell, and finally, someone validated what I'd been saying for a long time: my mother and sister are victims of violence. The psychiatrist explained that my brother is a narcissistic pervert, that he had rarely seen someone so closed off, and that for our safety, my brother had to leave my mother's house. He told us that even if my mother meant well, the fact that she accepted everything and constantly covered for him was making the situation worse because it allowed him to refuse treatment. He said that the best course of action at this point was for my mother not to allow him to return home if he continued to refuse care. The hospital had a place ready for him in therapy. We asked this psychiatrist to speak directly to my mother, because we wouldn't be able to convince her ourselves. Her son is her darling (yes, he's the favorite—to the point where my sister had to pay for her upkeep while she is on welfare, but my brother pay nothing to my mum, even while working...).
I don't know what was said in that conversation, but when we returned to my mother's house, for the first time, she was open to setting boundaries. She demanded that he undergo treatment if he want to comeback live with her.
Unfortunately, he refused. He went to live with a friend. To keep his job, my brother had to undergo regular tests at work, and for a while, thanks to the support of his union and his employer, he was relatively "calm." Later, he even agreed to a treatment program offered by his employer.
Life at my mother's house changed completely. My sister overcame her anxiety and began studying construction, graduating at the top of her class. She was a changed person. She started working for the first time in her life!
My mother also realized she was living in an abusive environment. At first, we were afraid she would bring my brother back home, but she finally promised my sister he would never return. She said she couldn't sacrifice my sister for my brother anymore and that he had to take responsibility. She would always help him, but she wouldn't let him stay with her anymore.
Finally, a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel! The "next-door" drama was easing. My brother and sister were starting to build a more normal life. I had hope!
But of course, it didn't last...
Summer 2025, I'm going through a difficult time, but this time it's my own personal drama. I won't go into details, but let's just say our two children are giving us a hard time. I thought until now that I'd managed to protect my son from my mother's house madness, but he's more affected than I realized. It's completely broken me, and I feel like I've failed as a mother. My mother is well aware of our fragility, and she knows that my partner and I were close to burnout because we're so exhausted. It's as if, after all these years, we no longer have the strength to handle new drama, but this time it's my family, my children, who need the rock I've been for my mother, my sister, and my brother. It's also important to know that even though I could maintain a healthy distance from my brother's drama since he lived elsewhere, that wasn't the case with my mother, who continues to refuse treatment and puts us through hell. That part has never stopped. So, that's for the background.
Let's fast forward to the fateful day.
On December 20, 2025, my sister bursts into my house in a panic. She's holding up a large bag full of bottles of alcohol. She tells me to hide them so my brother won't find them. I don't understand... She tells me my brother has moved back in with my mother, but it's temporary... Apparently, he was kicked out by his roommate who started drugs again.
Note that for the past year, my brother hasn't worked, and my mother, with her small pension, sends him over $1,000 a month. He relapsed and decided to quit his job.
At first, I'm just angry and, above all, incredulous at the idea that it's a temporary measure. I knew my mother wanted my brother back. For a year, she'd been rewriting the story, saying that my sister and I had lied to the psychiatrist in 2022 to keep him away. She started to believe I hated him and that I was responsible for the situation. I knew she wanted him back permanently. I'm convinced she simply jumped at the chance when he was kicked out by his roommate (in a moment of toxic psychosis, the roommate actually threatened to kill him. But since she was in a psychotic state, I think the police should have been called... especially since a child lives there. But my mother went to get my brother instead because "he had to be removed from there immediately". What my brother suffer with this woman, is what he put us through... ironic, isn't it?).
I keep turning it over in my head after my sister's visit... I know it won't be temporary... we're going back... we're back in 2022...
I'm starting to relive those crazy years. I'm already devastated by what's happening with my children, I can't also go through that again... I feel like I'm falling into a dark abyss... and I'm thinking for the first (and only) time to end my life. I completely broke down and lost touch with reality.
My partner texted my mother to tell her she was taking me to the emergency because I was in crisis and having suicidal thoughts. During my entire time in the ER, my mother didn't check on me even once. It was my in-laws who were worried about me.
Two days later, my mother sent me a message saying that I was hurting my brother by rejecting him and that he was just waiting for me to validate him in order to heal. She explained that she had no choice to do what she did, that I was inflexible and lacked empathy. The part that hurt me the most was when she told me that before panicking like I did, I should have at least come to see my brother to check on him. I would have seen then that he was fine. She wrote that like if I had chosen to fall apart.
I later learned that the first thing my brother did when he arrived at my mother's house was ask for alcohol. A few days later, he tried to take opioids from my mother for an "intellectual experiment." Oh yes, and finally, the "temporary" part is until my brother sorts out his stomach problem (according to my mother, he can't work with it) and finds a job... That's likely to be a very long time.
I've decided to cut off all contact with my mother for good. I avoid my brother as much as possible. My partner and I have decided to move out regardless of whether my brother stays or not, because we can't take it anymore.
My sister isn't doing well. She gave my mother an ultimatum: if my brother doesn't leave, she's leaving. But in reality, she feels too guilty about leaving my disabled mother alone with my violent brother. I feel so guilty about leaving her in this situation. I'm scared for my sister.
I'm not really angry with my brother, even though I don't want much contact with him. He is what he is: a sick person and a drug addict.
It's mostly my mother I'm angry with. I feel like she betrayed my sister and me.
My mother is angry with me. My sister told me she doesn't believe I really needed to go to the ER on December 20th. My mother thinks I pretended to be in distress to manipulate her. Apparently, she feels like I'm abandoning her by moving out, and she's very hurt and anxious about the situation. It really hurts to see that she see me like this.
My sister understands my distress, but she tells me to put things in perspective. My mother's words and decisions are a result of her mental illness. I should understand that. It's not worth breaking up the family, according to her.
AITAH to act this way and cut off contact with my mother?
| This is way too long. Can you shorten it? |
AITAH for not letting my daughter go over her grandparents house | Before I was pregnant my boyfriend had an issue with his father and somehow I became the reason why my bf doesn’t live with his parents. His father ended up calling me all sorts of name and being very disrespectful towards me that’s when I decided I didn’t want anything to do with him. Fast forward I find out that I’m pregnant I let my bf know that my child with never be around that man and he agreed. After my child was born, around 4m later my bf wanted us to go to his parents house n see if there was anyway we could talk it out so his dad could see the baby I tried and his dad basically called me and child and said he didn’t say the things I claimed he said and belittled me the whole time that ended up in a big fight between my bf and his dad n that’s when we officially said f\*\*\* it. Mind you his mother already knew what was going on and knew there was no way my child was enter that home while her man was there cuhs I didnt want someone like that around her and she didn’t seem to get that and just kept asking. I wanna say now that she was never restricted from holding or seeing her just that dad and she was invited over anytime(she only came by once). She keeps claiming that it’s not fair and that I’m weird for “keeping her grandchild away from her” AITAH for not letting my child go over her grandparents house | NTA - It doesn't sound like you are keeping daughter child away from grand*mother*, you're keeping them away from grand*father*. I'm wondering if he in turn is discouraging his wife from visiting if he can't.
edited because of formatting problems. |
AITAH for cutting off a mutual friend after he body shamed me in front of everyone? | AITA for cutting off a mutual friend after he body-shamed me in front of everyone?
I (21F) went to a party recently with my boyfriend and a group of mutual friends. I’m pretty extroverted, so I was moving around and talking to different people. One of the people there was a mutual friend Lance. I’m not very close to him because he has a habit of making comments about people’s bodies, including mine, so I usually keep my distance.
For some context, I’m curvy/chubby and have gained weight due to PCOS, which has made me especially sensitive about my body. My close friends are aware of this.
At the party, my boyfriend and I were standing in a group and lightly teasing each other. It wasn’t a serious argument. Lance suddenly walked up and said to my boyfriend that he shouldn’t argue with “a woman twice his weight” because “she’ll sit on you.” My boyfriend awkwardly laughed it off and said something like “I’d be happy,” but instead of dropping it, Lance kept going.
He started making comments directly about me—about my weight, about how my body takes up “half the room,” about my boobs and my ass, and even about how I dress, saying I dress “whorish for a fat bish.” All of this was said in front of our friends.
I was so uncomfortable and embarrassed that another friend eventually stepped in and pulled me away from the situation.
Afterward, I ended up crying a lot. I felt humiliated and hurt, especially because the comments were made publicly with the goal of humiliating me which he succeeded in. After that night, I decided to completely cut Lance off. I didn’t confront him, I just chose to distance myself.
Some people have told me I’m overreacting or that he was “just joking,” but it didn’t feel like a joke to me.
What makes this harder is that Lance himself used to be overweight and has recently lost a noticeable amount of weight. I never judged him for his body, and when he lost weight, I complimented him and supported him. Knowing that he understands what it’s like to struggle with weight makes his comments feel even more hurtful.
So, AITAH for cutting him off?
UPDATE: About my boyfriend
After the party, my boyfriend and I had a huge fight about what happened. I told him very clearly that I felt unsupported and hurt. For me, defending your partner especially when they’re being publicly humiliated is basic. I wasn’t expecting him to create a scene or start a fight, but I was expecting him to shut it down or at least remove me from the situation sooner.
From his side, he said he was caught off guard and didn’t immediately process how serious it was, especially since the comments started as “jokes” and escalated quickly. That explanation didn’t sit well with me at first, and I made it very clear that freezing or staying silent still hurts when you’re the one being targeted.
We talked it out at length. He acknowledged that he should have stepped in sooner, apologized genuinely, and understood why I felt so let down. He also reassured me that if anything like this ever happens again, he will not stay quiet.
Later that night, Lance called my boyfriend to say that he "might" have overstepped and asked my boyfriend to apologize to me in his place. My boyfriend was having none of it and told him to stay away from both of us. While I do feel at times that I should have confronted Lance myself, I honestly don’t have the energy to deal with someone so problematic and devious, and choosing distance felt like the healthier option for me.
I’m also really overwhelmed by the amount of support and kindness in the comments.
Thank you all so much it genuinely means a lot to me. 🙏
This situation definitely caused tension between my boyfriend and me, but it also led to a very necessary conversation about boundaries, support, and what I need from a partner in situations like this. I’m still firm in my decision to cut Lance off, and my boyfriend fully supports that decision. | NTA! what a jerk!!
you go girl! (bonus points for good boyfriend response) |
AITAH for leaving my house and calling my father a sick person | I'll try to do long story short. Basically since I (f20) was a kid I lived with my dad, my grandmother, my grandfather and my aunt. Because we didn't have that much money we all lived there and it's not really a big department.
My grandfather was always a violent person, I have memories from when I was very little and he tried to hit my aunt, my dad, my grandmother or just yell and create big fights within the whole family. I would hide in my room when this happened and just cry until it stopped. Then my aunt maybe got me some ice cream to compensate.
So I just normalized it, even though it hurt, everyone in that family got into fights, yelling and even sometimes getting a little physical, I would get scared, but I knew it was just for a moment.
Like three years ago my grandfather tried to kill my dad with a knife. I didn't see this because as soon as the fight started I left the apartment, then my dad told me. After this, my grandfather got psychological help and is now medicated, so he's in his room all the time. I never understood why after ALL this time he's still living there tho. It's so stupid and they all (even if they gave him medication) normalize this just because he's family.
My dad is very violent too, he's very manipulative towards me, proclaims himself as the best dad in the world but never even tried to get me out of that house, never even tried to get a job since I was 12, just stayed there thinking that was the best place to be. He sometimes gets in fights with my aunt that also get very violent (for the stupidest reasons like a discussion about a tv show for ex.), he then asks me to tell him he was right about everything and tell him he's the best (constantly) even when I want nothing to do with the situation.
He really thinks he's the best dad ever and says it out loud constantly, yet when he found out I was self harming at 14 he told me to kms and then told me he only said that because my therapist adviced him to (???)
He also tells me he's depressed and if I don't spend time with him he calls me a selfish person because he was there (?) when I was depressed and I should be watching movies with him too. Complains if I spend too much time with my friends because I should pay attention to him and treats my life I'm his friend.
Okay, so after all of this and all of these years I wanted to put a stop to this madness. I packed all of my things and told my dad about my experience in the house and how it affected my mental health, how all of m therapists agree that I can't live there anymore and it's best for me to go live with my mom (I don't have the best relationship with her either, but that's another story and it's my only option also)
My grandmother told me that I'm overreacting and nothing bad happened to me, that I had an excellent childhood and I'm full of hate for wanting to leave. My dad said something similar and that I'm delusional because I never experienced any violence, that yelling is normal and fights are so common for me to act all "traumatized" for it.
I called them all sick people and left with all my stuff, and I don't plan in talking to them for a very long time.
AITAH? | NTA and good for you. Stay strong and never look back ❤️ |
AITAH for trying to get my sister’s abusive boyfriend deported? | My sister (27F) has been in an abusive relationship with her boyfriend (21M) for about two years. For the past year, I’ve (20M) been her main support when things escalate. Here’s how it goes: she calls me crying late at night, I pick her up, she stays with me for a few days, and then he picks her up when I’m not home.
This cycle has taken a serious toll on my mental health and my life. The most recent incident escalated to the point where she became aggressive toward me when I tried to set boundaries. I woke up at 5AM to a lot of banging and yelling, and I realized she was arguing with him on the phone. I was so tired, I took her phone away and she scratched me, sobbing as I told her to hang up the phone. Despite being her support, she will not leave him. I feel torn between wanting to protect her and realizing that I can’t keep living like this. So… I’ve been thinking about forcing them to separate by calling ICE on him while she’s still at my place.
For context, he’s an illegal immigrant that uses my sister’s social security to find work. He has no driver’s license but drives an old car he got off of facebook marketplace. And a few months ago, his entire family was deported.
Now I don’t support ICE ripping families apart and hurting innocent people, but I don’t know where else to turn. To me, he’s a scumbag that deserves this because he’s beat her countless times. He always manipulates her to come back to him and the problem is that she always listens. I don’t want her to hurt herself and I don’t want to keep on navigating through the aftermath. I understand deportation is a very difficult issue but right now, I feel like this is my only option. AITAH?
TLDR; my sister won’t leave her boyfriend so I want to forcibly separate them by trying to get ICE to deport him. | Next event I would just call the cops on him |
WIBTAH if I moved back out of state and stopped taking care of my Mom and Stepfather? | This may be a long post just to give as much clarity as possible to my issue. I lived out of state up until 3 years ago when I got a call asking me to move home to help my mom and step father as his health is failing and my mother is almost 80. I left my great job beautiful townhouse and my friends to do just that. I am blessed with amazing parents. My biological father passed before I moved out of state several years ago. I have 3 sisters and 2 of them lived in the same place as our parents and the other lived 2.5 hours away, I lived 19 hours away. Anyway since I was the only single one they asked me and I was happy to do that. Here’s the reason I’m thinking of moving away again, in the 3 years I’ve been home I have had nothing but verbal attacks from my oldest sister and accused of ridiculous things of which none are true. I’ve went no contact twice with her but ultimately forgave her because it upsets my mom when we don’t get along. It seems like I’m always the one that has to just suck it up and move on. Well now she has been spinning her stories to one of my other sisters that moved out of state and now the verbal attacks are coming from her too. Here again never explaining what I was supposed to have done just simply calling me names and spewing hate my way. I had no clue my sisters were like this and I feel mentally beaten down and ready to tell them to come and take on the responsibilities. I work and pay my own bills all while taking care of the house, yard, grocery shopping, picking up prescriptions, making and taking them to all their appointments and keeping all their medications straight and given twice daily along with breathing treatments etc… but somehow I’m the villain and I’m exhausted the mental beat down is getting to be to much. I never thought I’d be in this position but here I am. So I’m conflicted on what to do. We use to be close and now I honestly feel like I’m alone and have no siblings. Even if they would realize how wrong and awful they have been to me at this point it’s to late I will never have anything to do with them again . Some words you can’t take back and are unforgivable. Any advice would be helpful | Just tell your mom that if she wants your continued help, she has to accept you being NC with your sisters. |
AITAH for not helping my fiancée with her schoolwork? | I (M23) and my fiancée (F22) have been together three years, living together for one year. We both started online college just last week. We both work full time jobs.
Obviously, we’re still getting used to the workload. I’ve been doing ok, I got all my assignments for the week done a day early, giving me this past Sunday entirely free of work and school, so I did some chores and let myself relax a bit. My fiancée left about 50% of her schoolwork until Sunday night and had to rush to write and submit before the deadline. She made it, but it was close. I think she submitted less than ten minutes before the deadline.
On Sunday, when she started working on everything she still had to do, she asked me to help her. I don’t mind helping, I love her and I want her to succeed, but I intentionally worked ahead to give myself one day free of work and school. Time to rest is extremely important for my mental health, so I plan my whole week around giving myself time where I’m free of responsibilities and can relax. Chores, errands, and now schoolwork are all planned in advance and spaced in a way that allows me at least one day a week where I can relax and be mostly free of any responsibilities. (Obviously if something comes up on this day off that can’t wait, I do it, I just plan my time to try to avoid it.) This is all very intentional, and she’s aware this is how I plan my time and why I do it like this.
As I said, I don’t mind helping her with her schoolwork, because I love her, I want her to do well, and I know she’d do the same for me if I needed it. While we are in different classes, our assignments are pretty similar right now, so I showed her mine to give her an idea of what she needed to do. I even wrote a template she could follow for one of them, based on an assignment I wrote that was practically identical to the one she was doing. I thought I was offering plenty of help, and didn’t mind doing it.
However, she wanted more than that. She wanted me to sit with her and help her write the whole thing, from start to finish. I refused as kindly as I could and told her that while I’m happy to help her understand what her assignments are asking her to do, and even show her my assignments if they’re similar enough to help, I won’t sit with her while she does it. At a certain point she does have to do her own work, and I already spent all week doing mine.
She was upset, but we moved past it. She did her assignments on her own and I thought that was the end of it. But now, she’s asking me again to sit with her while she does assignments and help her. She works slowly, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, everyone works at their own pace. But I really don’t want to sit with her for several hours while she does her assignments, after I already spent hours on my own. By the time I finish my own homework, I’m mentally exhausted and the thought of hours more schoolwork is too much. I’ll still help her in smaller ways, but she doesn’t seem to understand why I won’t help her in the way she’s asking for.
AITAH? Should I be helping more, or am I already helping plenty?
EDIT: accidentally said we’ve been together two years when it’s actually three. Blame it on college brain. And since it’s a common question, yes she does have ADHD, which she’s medicated for. She still struggles a bit with distractions and I do my best to help her stay focused, but there’s only so much I can do. | Mate she needs to learn to manage her own time better, leaving half till Sunday night is mental. You showed her your work and made templates that's more than enough, you're not her tutor are you? |
AITAH for not inviting my friend to a trip? | CONTEXT : a year ago me and my 2 friends were planning to do a day trip out of the country but we postponed the trip because me and our other friend were at risk of losing our jobs and also because of money issues. keyword— POSTPONED
fast forward to today, we booked an out-of-town plane ticket on a whim (which was significantly cheaper than usual, also cheaper than the out-of-country day trip as a whole). right after we booked it, a couple of our friends NOT IN THE CALL heard about it and now the other person is upset that we didn't invite them. we weren't able to invite the other friend on account that they were not in the call during the spontaneous decision and that they were predominantly busy with other things (work, relationship, etc.), which prompted them not being able to join us for calls lately. they also outright mentioned it to everyone that they will be isolating themselves for awhile to heal from all the things that's been happening to them. so we gave them assurance and support, and respected their decision.
i’m torn over the situation because on one hand, the initial out-of-the-country trip is only postponed, we could easily replan that for next year, maybe. but on the other hand, with how busy life has gotten with work and whatnot, I wish they would have just said they wanted to come, but it feels as if there’s blame that’s being projected in an otherwise easily communicable situation.
for further context, there are times when communication is hard because it always feels like there’s fingers being pointed. it also seems like to that person that leaving them out of this plan has some sort of malice specifically to them, when truly there's none. IT WAS A SPONTANEOUS THING. as much as i want to extend an invitation still and tell them to catch up with the flight, after all this it feels really draining to spend a trip with them at this moment. and inviting them after already having the confirmation feels like a a pity apology.
i wanted to get more insights and opinions because I don’t want to go in angry and frustrated over said friend when we speak. so do you guys think, am i the asshole? | NTA. This was a spontaneous plan made by the people who were present and available. You respected their need for space when they said they were isolating, and there was no malice or intentional exclusion. Feeling hurt is understandable, but projecting blame instead of communicating isn’t fair to you. |
AITAH for blocking my mother after everything she's done? | If I got into my sob story we'd either hit the character limit or be here all night, but ya'll still need some context. My sister told me she'd be making another AITAH post with her own POV because she's much more open to blocking her.
Okay. So here we go. For most of my formative years, my sister raised me, and once she left for college, I was underneath the control of my mom in my early teens. She would start telling me about her sex life with my dad, the hatred that she has for her family, and essentially making me believe that we were the only ones that could rely on each other.
She developed diabetes, arthritis, and tuberculosis, and she refuses to take her meds, no matter what.
She would also expand on her suicidal thoughts to me and tell me that she needed me and that I was the light of her life. I was stuggling with depression myself, though. I was a shut-in, I was homeschooled, and I really had nowhere to go, so I had to deal with her depressive thoughts and become her own mini therapist. I was parroting talking points without actually learning anything myself while trying to help her balance her own issues and not believing any of the things I was saying to myself. Once my parents finally divorced, they lived in separate houses and I ended up going with my dad. That gave me some distance with her, but then this cat and mouse relationship started.
She'd have a large reaction, I'd come to see her, get closer and try to reconnect, then she'd start becoming offensive and rude and I'd pull away.
This has happened many, many times, but here's the example of this that broke the camel's back, just these few weeks ago.
Before Christmas, my mom was talking about wanting me to help shovel her driveway and do some of her chores. I said sure, why not? I'll do it. I don't have a driver's license right now, though, so I can't drive. Then my mom says that my sister wouldn't be able to drive me either because she's too busy.
She always says that she doesn't want me walking incase I slip and fall, and I always say that I can do it and that it didn't bother me. I've NEVER said no, but she will straight up refuse. We've been having these types of conversations for actual YEARS.
At this point I was incredibly frustrated at the amount of times that she would bring something up and then shoot me down when I offered to help, so this time I said: "if you want, I could just not tell you when I'm coming so that you can't say no. I'll already be there." Then she does the weirdest thing imaginable, she dismisses me and then suddenly talks about paying me?
I'm offended at this, my mom doesn't have a job and is under welfare, and she is saying that she would pay me to do this work when I know that she is barely living paycheck to paycheck? At this point I'm just thinking. Do you think that I just want money? I'm saying I will do this for FREE. I will walk to your place and do those chores for you for FREE. What's not clicking. I get loud about this and end the call, and that's the last time I talked to her.
Once I go shopping with my sister, she asks if we should invite my mom to Christmas with her family and I say yeah she should. My sis then comes back to me and says that my mom said no, and that she didn't want to come. Cool, didn't want to invite her anyway. It was just for pleasantries and hoping that she'd change this Christmas for some reason. In the wee hours of Christmas morn, she apparently called the cops from "losing control of her bowels."
My sister picks me up and we go to the hospital to pick her up. Turns out the hospital said that it was a bowel obstruction and they gave her laxatives and she already had a bowel movement, so they sent her on her way. She tells us that she was apparently frustrated that the police weren't in uniform, and that the hospital would discharge her that quickly. I was upset because it was Christmas day, and of course, if they can fix your problems with laxatives, they're not gonna keep you in the hospital, you can do that in your house.
But anyway, we drop her off, and she says don't look around, there's... that everywhere. My sister sets her down on the bed, and I get her food and I look in the fridge. Apparently she had 3 boxes of i'd guess 20 mini croissants each? Of course she's gonna have a bowel obstruction. We sit down next to her to chat with her a bit. I don't see any of... that anywhere.
On the drive back, me and my sis exchange info and she tells me that she didn't see any of that either, but apparently, my mom told her that she ate some three month old turkey in the fridge. That led us to thinking that maybe she was trying to kill herself, based on everything, you know? And she just couldn't handle the pain, so she called the cops.
Then the next time my sister visits, we just talked about my mom and all this stuff, and how about how we should cut her off, because it's clear that she is either not telling the truth on these things, or being manipulative and attention-seeking. We wanted her to get some genuine help and we agreed that it felt like we were enabling her, so we were debating blocking her so that she doesnt have a choice. Then she tells me about all the weird stuff that my mom is texting her, telling us to "leave her to live her Christian life," and then saying that she'll pay me to do the work AGAIN. This was was the thing that really broke me, because I literally TOLD YOU. FREE. and what, you're saying this again to my sister instead, hoping maybe I don't know that I wouldn't find out about this? I actually had a breakdown about this. It's far from the worst thing she's done, but it just compounded, you know?
We both ended up blocking her that day. After all of this stuff, it's been such a relief. I haven't unblocked her since, but my sis unblocked her after a pastor contacted her and told her that my mom asked them to visit her. They took her to a care facility for now and the pastor essentially tried to chastise us for not contacting her anymore. Now my sis gives me updates about how the pastor said that my mom was upset because "she's the one who blocks people," and then my mom texts her that she thinks that I think that the "work was beneath me."
Since these happenings, we've been having conversations about our mom non-stop. My sis has been considering blocking her again. I'm thinking about how we might be losing her soon, and that it feels like we're abandoning her in her time of need, while I can also understand that she's hurt us too many times and that we should be living our lives now.
My sister has a very different perspective. She's much more tired of it and comfortable with blocking her having grown up with different lived experiences with our mom. After a moment where I lost the chance to mourn a pet of mine, I fear that my emotions are being clouded by essentially grief FOMO, but my mom is such a toxic person to be around that it feels like I need that silence. I need to grow and the only way is to get away from her. But I dont want to make a mistake by not being there with her. It's a constant cycle. I keep feeling like a piece of shit or that I'm doing the right thing or that she deserves it, and my sister feels the same way, just not to the same extent. So we agreed to do an AITAH post to see if the Reddit strangers will give us a reality check. So, thoughts? | NTA. I’m sorry you and your sister are going through this with your mother. She needs help from someone trained to do so.
If you are not getting some sort of counseling already, I highly recommend you do so. They will help you cope with such a toxic relationship. |
AITAH for asking for something back that I gifted? | I (f30) gifted my friend (f45) a bunch of cat things because my cat sadly passed away, and I was so devastated I have sworn off any more cats for the time being. I knew she was planning to get her daughter a kitten. She gladly accepted bowls, a cat carrier, cat scratchers and toys, and pet stairs, among other miscellaneous items. I only kept a few of my cats favorite toys and his collar as mementos.
Well cut to like 6 months later. She still had not gotten the cat she had promised her daughter, and my dog was recovering from bladder stone surgery, so she couldn't jump up in my bed, but she was used to sleeping there. I asked her if I could have the stairs back until my dog was done recovering from surgery. She told me she would "rather not." I didn't push it and bought some new stairs for my dog.
Cut to 6 months later. My dog is all healed up and I barely talk to this woman anymore because I am holding onto resentment about this. I feel like I gave her all this stuff for free, she couldn't even let me borrow 1 item (that I had given her for free) when my dog was sick? She still does not have a cat. That's the only reason I gave her this stuff. I perhaps could have sold some of it instead.
I know you should give freely and not expect anything in return. But I guess I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't reciprocate the same way I give. And takes under false pretenses. I know I sound bitter... So, AITAH for asking for the stairs back? | You are NTA for asking for the stairs back for your dog. When she gave you the answer that *she would "rather not."* ,she was letting you know that your friendship didn't really matter to her. She is not a real friend.
It's most likely that she sold the items or gave them away. |
AITAH I think this girl isn’t interested in me but she says I’m projecting | I (22M) have been talking to a woman (22F). We’re in the early stages of getting to know each other, and I’ve been approaching it intentionally, trying to spend quality one-on-one time when possible.
The issue is that multiple times now, we’ll make plans together, and then a few days before, the plan changes in ways that catch me off guard.
For example, we planned to have dinner together so we could spend time getting to know each other better. A few days before the dinner, she tells me that her friends wanted to go to dinner too, so she invited them, and then asked me what I thought. I was confused because I thought this was supposed to be just us — like an actual date — and I felt awkward because the invitation had already been extended before I was asked.
I told her that it wasn’t what I was expecting and that I had assumed it would be one-on-one. She responded by saying that we were still spending time together, just “in a different way.” I said okay, but also tried to explain that it felt strange to plan something together and then have additional people added later.
At that point, she said I was being unclear — that I said it was fine, but now I was saying it wasn’t. I tried to explain that I was just confused by the change, not trying to control anything. She then flipped it and said she wouldn’t mind if I invited friends or if people joined, and implied that it “said a lot about me” that I preferred it to be just us.
This isn’t a one-time thing. Another example: we’ll plan to do something on a specific day (like a Friday), and then a few days before she’ll say she might go out with friends instead and she’ll “let me know.” When I ask why we’re making plans if they’re tentative, she says she was just told about the other plan and isn’t sure if she wants to go.
These situations keep happening, and they all give me the same feeling — like I’m not really a priority or like she’s not that interested. When I bring that up, she insists she is interested and accuses me of trying to leave or not actually wanting to be with her. Meanwhile, from my perspective, her actions feel inconsistent and dismissive of the plans we make.
Now we’re stuck in this loop where I say, “Your actions make it feel like you’re not interested,” and she responds with, “No, you’re just projecting and you’re the one who’s not interested.”
At this point, I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or if I’m reacting normally to mixed signals and changed plans. I feel confused, frustrated, and honestly lost.
Also- we’ve seen each other multiple times and I’m pretty sure it’s not a “comfortability” thing as she was the one who approached me at first. | Just let it go… it’s not worth it |
AITAH for "giving my mother her cancer back" everytime she's upset with me? | Repost: Exceeded the character limit in the previous post, so here's the shortened version
I (22F) am finishing my degree in veterinary medicine and still living with my parents because my house is near the university, and it helps save money. In a few weeks, I’ll leave to do an internship to finish college, and the plan is not to come back. Living here has been extremely difficult.
My relationship with my parents has been bad for years. My father (52M) and mother (46F) both have a strong “victim mentality” and make everything about themselves. My siblings (15F, 13M) and I live constantly trying not to upset them.
This is mainly about my mother. I practically grew up with my grandparents. Even though I didn’t see my parents much, the memories I have with my mother are mostly negative. When I was a child, I used to make small flower bouquets for her. She threw them away the same day. Later, she yelled at me for never giving her gifts and said the flowers were stupid and meaningless.
She is obsessed with what others think of her and projected that onto me. She controlled my clothes and hair until I was 12–13. I have curly hair, which she hated, constantly brushing it dry, ruining it, and calling it ugly. Thanks to my aunts and cousins, I eventually learned how to care for it, but I grew up hating my appearance.
When I was 13, the physical abuse got worse. One time, I asked her to try different hairstyles because I didn’t feel pretty. She slapped me. When I defended myself verbally, she kept hitting me until my nose bled. She only stopped because I had to go to school. My father was angry, not because she hit me, but because it was visible. I never got an apology. Later, she told me she wanted to make me bleed again and that the only reason she stopped was that she “hit me wrong.”
I was never allowed to defend myself. If I did, I was labeled ungrateful. For example, after foot surgery, while I was using crutches, she slapped me again during an argument, knocking me to the ground. I crawled to my bed in pain. She constantly insulted my body, which later led to an eating disorder.
She showed zero empathy during important moments, like laughing while I cried after learning a cousin had died. She also told me I “ruined” her life because she got pregnant with me before marriage.
My parents convinced me to study near home, promising support and a quiet place to study. None of that happened. I was expected to cook and clean while being yelled at constantly. My siblings’ study time was respected; mine wasn’t. My parents would blast music, get drunk (until throwing up), and mock me for being stressed about exams. At night, I often had to hear them having sex loudly—something that’s been happening since I was a child and with my baby brother on the same bed.
Last year, my mother had a malignant tumor removed. No chemo or radiation. Everything was resolved in under six months. Now she uses it against me, saying I could be “giving her cancer back” whenever she’s angry.
As I got older, I started defending myself verbally and blocking her from hitting me, never hitting back. She escalated by threatening to kill or abandon my pet rabbit to hurt me. After my princess died, she threatened to throw away my belongings instead.
When I ask my aunts for help, they always tell me to understand her because “it’s her first time living” or that parenting is hard. I’m always expected to understand her, never the other way around.
I’m exhausted. I’ve attempted to end my life three times because of this environment, but I stayed alive for my siblings. My parents know this. My father once told me to “just kill yourself already,” and my mother mocked me for being dramatic.
So, Reddit, AITAH for making my mother sad and angry? Am I overreacting, or is going no contact justified?
Sorry for any grammar mistakes. English isn’t my first language. | NTA. Start utilizing the mental health resources that are available on your campus if you’re not already and remove yourself from their home as soon as possible. Document signs of abuse you notice with your siblings and report them to the police |
AITAH for being pissed at my husband | I work doing gig deliveries. My husband finds is necessary to join all the Facebook groups for this specific gig. Follow all the topics and discuss with the other drivers. This pisses me off more than it probably should. I dont follow up on his company or coworkers, nor do I pry into his job and tell him how its done or what he should be doing. He has nothing to do with my deliveries ever. However he feels the need to constantly tell me how to do the same job I have been doing for 5 years because he read on single thread of "information " on one of the Facebook groups. This just makes me feel like I cant have nothing for myself. | Some people can't resist being know-it-alls. NTA |
AITAH for siding with my mom instead of my wife? | My wife and I have a son who is about to turn five. My parents, mostly my mom, have been providing us with free childcare since he was a few months old. My mom follows all our requests (no screens, no added sweeteners) and gives our son a level of care no amount of money could buy (and we couldn't afford even the inferior level anyway). Our son loves my parents (he loves my wife's parents too, but he sees them way less) and is always happy when I drop him off and when my wife picks him up.
I have an older brother that has issues, and my parents have bailed him out several times in the past. A few years ago he totaled the car they bought him, and they said they were done helping. It turns out they have been paying his rent for the last two years. My wife made a comment about how the squeaky wheel gets the grease and no one will ever wonder who their favorite is. My mom was mad and said she sends 40+ hours a week on us, and she can do whatever she wants with her money whether that be paying her son's rent, pissing on it or setting it on fire. It was definitely an extreme response.
My wife demanded an apology and said she didn't deserve to be spoken to like that. My mom apologized for being vulgar but said the sentiment stands and she wants my wife to be quiet about her financial decisions. They went back and forth until my dad made my mom go upstairs. My wife seethed the whole way home.
My wife wants to stop relying on my mom for childcare. She said her mom can do some babysitting and we can find a daycare until school starts in the fall. She said she couldn't trust our son with someone emotionally volatile.
I told my wife she was the instigator and asked why she couldn't just ignore information about my brother. I said our son loves his grandparents, and yanking them away from him right before he transitions to kindergarten might traumatize him. I also reminded her we can't afford daycare.
My wife said I'm unsupportive and siding with my family against her. I'm not trying to be unsupportive, just to give honest feedback. Should I just have said she was right even though I don't think she is? | If your mom has been babysitting for almost 5 years, she’s been giving you and your wife a financial benefit even greater than 2 years of rent.
She could have saved you all over 100k (at 2k a month)— AND she’s giving your child one on one attention which he wouldn’t otherwise get.
YOU and your wife, by extension, are the favorites. Your wife is an idiot. NTA. |
AITAH for saying this | AITAH I 19M and my situationship 19F been talking since early October we been intimate maybe a lil to intimate lmao but not the point if she asks to see me of course I come asap but when I want to see her it's a different story she already laying down she gotta clean her room or take a shower n blah blah id text her and be like I miss u or what not she don't give that same yk I miss you too it's always "I miss me too" or some and so yesterday I todl her I wish you were with me I need you blah blah no text bac for a DAY and I follow up a day later with damn fucc me then then she say shid youn ttm so I'm like how and you never text me back blah blah she talking bullshit so I text this exactly this way "I see now ts wasn't worth it I was just in lust that's all youn gotta worry bout lil ole me females never been hard to come by lmao I thought you was cool I missed ya but you overly hard to deal with man I give up" which seemed respectful to me but I just need another opinion type stuff and something else I got my phone took by police so I was deviceless for over 2 weeks couldnt text her but we stay in the same apartments so when I would see her sitting on her balcony id try n have a chat with her but she act like I ghosted her and all that when on her birthday I literally wrote her a note put it in a envelope and threw it on her balcony saying my situation and stuff when she finally came outside and decided to talk to me she told me she saw it but just ain't care I guess I'm tired of it and I just give up I'm not asking should I or should I not stop talking too her I was gonna do that anyway I just wanted to know if the message I sent was out of pocket or if it was perfect the way it is | NTA your message was honest and respectful |
AITAH for blaming my uncle for my great-grandmother’s situation? | She’s 97, and doesn’t have much longer.
My uncle got his daughter {15} a big German Shepherd about 2 years ago; my great-grandmother has a major soft spot for animals, so when she sees the German shepherd being neglected {not fed, cooped up, etc} she takes over the responsibilities. This has already led to the dog breaking one of her legs- but that was a first time occurrence, and things can happen with excitable puppies. But it’s happened again- and now it’s her other leg.
We went to the doctors today, and they told her she can either risk passing away during surgery- or never be able to walk again. To remind you, this is a very tiny, very fragile, very old lady; she’s still getting over the OTHER broken leg from a year ago. If she doesn’t risk passing away, the rest of her life will be miserable.
The only people to really blame in this situation is an excitable puppy that’s being neglected- a caring, tiny old lady- and a 15 year old child with little to no real sense of responsibility.
So AITAH for blaming my uncle for my great-grandmothers situation? | You’re not being unfair. Blaming the 15yo doesn’t make sense and blaming your great grandma definitely doesn’t. The adult who brought the dog into the situation and failed to handle it is the issue. That’s basic responsibility stuff. |
AITAH for getting angry at my fiancee for questioning my sexuality | Throwaway here, but AITAH for getting defensive/angry that my fiancée keeps questioning my sexuality after she found my stash of hidden away sex toys which included a dildo and a chastity cage?
I told her that I was embarrassed and don’t want to talk about my masturbation habits because it was in the past / private.
She now keeps on asking if I am gay etc and I told her no, it was just some kinks I got into briefly and have never been with a man but she doesn’t believe me and keeps questioning.
When I get angry about it she keeps on saying why are you so defensive/getting angry at me | Maybe ask yourself why youre “angry” and why youre marrying someone you cant be honest with and feel you have to hide things from. |
AITAH for telling my mom that I don't trust her? | For reference I am 29 still living at home(times really be tough out here), in school getting my pre-reqs for med school, so all my money goes towards school, books, transport, etc etc. I cannot move out unless I wanted to be homeless. My mom has always been, shall we say, veryyyy overbearing. Not to say it's not well intentioned(at least partially), but as I've gotten older, I have tried my best to set boundaries, which she has continually broken. Most recently, aka yesterday, I went out on a date, and I told my father before I left the house I was going out with friends, leave the door open for when I come back later. No problem at all. While I'm on said date, my mom is borderline harassing me, calling me 12 times, messaged me saying "Why did you tell dad you were going to the bar when the bar opens at 11:30, and you left at 11?" I chose to ignore her because I wanted to focus on the date, and I HOPED she got the message that I was busy. In addition, my mom perpetually called me while she knew I was in an orientation session in a local hospital for some volunteer work, so my phone was going berserk.
Fast forward to today at dinner, my mom of course opened up the dialogue with her getting angry that I didn't tell her directly, so I told her if I trusted her more, I would have no problem telling you anything, but I don't do to past actions, and I was close to blocking her number because of how ridiculous it was getting. She shook her head to dismiss what I said, and I told everyone sitting down(my sister and dad) about how with my last ex(two years ago), after we broke up, my mom borderline harassed her, asking he on many separate instances, if we were getting back together. How do I know? My fucking ex CALLED me to tell me to tell my mom to stop her shit. There was also an instance several years ago with my first ex in which my mom tried to break into my phone while I asked her to hold it, and got angry that I would accuse her of something like that. This is all in addition to other lies I've caught her in, and the fact she pretty much destroyed her marriage with my father because she was messaging people behind his back but then would get angry/break down in tears when caught. I'm not condoning my lying to her, because I do hate lying, but in this specific context, I genuinely feel it was needed due to the past actions she's done, then she proceeded to run upstairs in a fit of anger. So, AITA here? | Turn. Your. Phone. Off! Seriously, if you are at work, or a date, the phone should be the last thing on to interrupt, especially knowing your mom's behavior. |
AITAH for telling my ex SIL that her whole family is f’d up and will never get to be around my kids again? | Hello everyone, so this will be very long so buckle up. I’ll try to make every detail count, from the beginning to the end. I (35F) have 4 kids, and I’ve taking care of them by myself for years.
So I’ll start from my relationship with my ex husband, we met in 10th grade and from there we were attached together. Even though we were still kids, we had a close bond about everything. We went to the same college, not for each other but that was both of ours dream. My second year at the college, I became pregnant with my first daughter. I thought about dropping out but I didn’t because my family helped a lot, Mike family didn’t help much.
Okay so now we’re in the time we’re married, by this time we had 1 child living in an apartment. We were working a lot to get a real house, I was just starting my real estate business. What was good is that Mikes father put him in his business so more money started to pile in. We were finally a growing family, being able to have a house and the little family we wanted. In our marriage we did bicker on things, argued but we communicated each time. Skip to some years later, we have 4 kids now. We were going strong into this marriage, I couldn’t complain and was grateful for the life we started.
I don’t think I started to see him acting weird until I had our 4 child, I wouldn’t be the one trying to communicate but he would shut me out. Tried to get us into therapy, but he didn’t believe in that so I had no end goal. Arguments started to grow, every night but I let him him have it because the kids were still there. What really hurt me was that he accused me of cheating, like how can you trust someone after that. When that happened, I shut down so we would not speak, only for the kids sake. My suspicion grew because if he accused me then that meant he was doing it, coming home late, hiding his phone.
It wasn’t until he was outside playing with the kids when I found his phone on the couch, mind you we never went through each other phones but that’s when I took the chance. Till this day I’m glad I looked through it out I would’ve been living in a nightmare, a double life. There was pictures and messages of him with this lady, pictures of them with their kids, and the kids looked just like him. The women knew about me and my kids name, I was the topic of every conversation for them and it wasn’t nice words. I just wanted to know what I did to him to deserve this, I always paid attention to him, treated him with respect, but maybe it’s just me.
I didn’t confront him right there because I was still taking everything in, but he had a plan all along. He left the same day in the night, I thought he was doing his usual, but he never came back. the day after was our oldest daughter birthday, he was not there, I called his number but the guy blocked me, called his mom and no answer. So for weeks I couldn’t get into contact with him, the family wouldn’t give me anything and I knew that they knew where he was but they didn’t like me so f my feelings. I filed for the divorce, missing spouse affidavit so the court would know I actually tried to find him, and yes I was going for full custody.
So I took care of my kids, each day they asked were he as but as days went on they stopped. So now that was a lot guys, this is the whole backstory and I hope I made sense, apologies for grammatical errors. I have sole custody over my kids, he has supervised visitation. It’s a slow process, my oldest girls are still hurt, especially my older daughter because her father with her dad isn’t the same.
Now let’s get into the real problem, told you guys Mike family didn’t like me and was never h to wee for me or the kids, they don’t tell me where he was and they knew his whole double life. Why did Mike sister message me on Instagram? She did it on my work page because that’s the only one public. She was basically saying I’m a horrible mother who’s stuck up, because he mother cries everyday that he can’t be with his kids more and he’s depressed, lost his job in the company, his baby, trying to blame me for all that happening. That’s his life and on him, she also said her mom wants to see her grandkids ( same grandkids you haven’t been around for years, never helped, never came to a birthday) now they wanted to say some. So I entertained her enough, I told her she can get on with her f’d up family because they will never get to be around my kids again. My kids don’t care for them or their cousins on that side, thankfully my family loves them. | >she also said her mom wants to see her grandkids ( same grandkids you haven’t been around for years, never helped, never came to a birthday)
Just for fun tell them they have to pass a quiz first. Do you suppose they could tell you how many children you have, and what are their names and birthdates? Perhaps they would know what activities the children enjoy? Their favorite books or movies? Their favorite foods? The names of their special stuffed animals?
The needs of the children are the priority. The children don’t miss strangers.
NTA |
AITAH for having a severely matted cat | So basically, I have a cat that I have had for years since he was little. My parents got him from a breeder when I was a kid so he was supposed to be a purebred short haired scottish fold. And he is a scottish fold, however for some reason he has super long fur like a siberian or other very long haired cat. My parents had always brushed him regularly from time to time, but he never let anyone touch his belly so that didn’t get brushed even though his fur is very long there as well. (basically everywhere). He has now been living with me and without my parents (not sure how long, probably a few months to half a year) because I live with my grandmother and my parents were planning on putting their place up for sale. Anyway, my mother comes around frequently and a PSW for my grandmother from time to time so while I do care for him and it’s up to me my mother and caretaker come and take care of him also. Sorry if I’m overcomplicating things I’m bad at explaining and want to give the full picture.
Anyway, my cat had developed mats that went unnoticed until way later and when I discovered them they were severe and very tight and knotted, some close to the skin. All over his belly and on the front of his body. I had always brushed him but not in those places because he hated it and didn’t allow it. I also didn’t know that fur could get severely matted like that if he wasn’t trimmed or brushed everywhere very frequently and regularly, and truly it is unnoticeable when it happens because he has such long fur it covers everything until you feel it. I (am not making a lot of money so I don’t have power there) told my mother about it and said we needed to go to a groomer, she agreed, I found one but then because of their weird way of taking payment my mother didn’t like that and we cancelled with them, then had to search for another one, but by that time she went back on her agreement because she’s tight on money as well, so it never ended up happening and she wanted to do it herself along with me and if grooming wasn’t an option and it was quite urgent (because it’s matting right?) that’s what we did, and what I did alone as well. I bought him plenty of treated and cut/trimmed and brushed his mats out over the course over a few weeks or so, it was hell. He still has some matting left that I can’t finish myself so I will be taking him to an actual groomer soon.
When I talked to an employee at a pet store about it and told him I was going to cut matting out of his fur because it’s very long etc his reaction was normal about it
But I made the mistake of telling a coworker who we usually talk about cats with (an animal lover) that he had a lot of matting and I had to cut it out he went MATS?! I was like yea then he started ignoring me after that. Like I know matting isn’t good but I truly did not realize this kind of thing could happen, I didn’t see it, and I wasn’t educated in the fact that long haired cats were supposed to have their fur trimmed and/or be brushed regularly EVERYWHERE or this would happen. I know now and I will never let this happen again and I feel immense guilt for what happened but my question is, am I an abusive, neglectful monster for letting this happen? Am I a terrible person? AITAH? | Some of these comments are really exaggerating... I have a Maine Coon mix who has trouble grooming her back. She's had large patches of matted fur twice, so we took her to the vet clinic. They shaved it off and told me that it happens very often with long-haired cats and that they're used to dealing with it. You just shouldn't wait too long, otherwise the skin gets damaged, and that's really not good for the cat. You made a mistake out of ignorance, it's not the end of the world. Your cat is fine, that's all that matters. 🙂 |
Aitah for refusing to attend my graduation after my family turned it into their event | I worked for years to finish my degree while balancing work and stress. My family knew how hard it was for me. When graduation was announced they immediately started planning. They discussed outfits photos and guests without asking me. I was told where to sit and who to invite. When I said I wanted something small they laughed. They said graduation was a family achievement. Every conversation became about their pride not my effort.
I felt invisible during what was supposed to be my moment. When I suggested celebrating privately they accused me of being ungrateful. The pressure made me anxious. I stopped feeling excited at all. Eventually I decided not to attend the ceremony. I told them I would celebrate quietly on my own. They were furious. They said I embarrassed them in front of relatives. I reminded them it was my graduation. Now they barely speak to me. I feel sad but also peaceful. AITah for choosing myself?? | NTA. It's not your party, it's theirs and you really don't matter to them in this. Opt out and go celebrate with your friends or someone else who cares about you instead. |
Am I the problem. Aitah | So myself 32M and my wife 35F have been together for 3 years married 3 months. We have 15 month old twins and a 13 Y/o son(bonus to me).
Our arguments have always been the same.
Money.
Work load
And attention to detail(against myself).
Shortly after the wedding things tended to yet worsen. I have been on the couch for a lil over a month.
Now when it comes to money we make financial about the same. She has the mortgage prior to the relationship, a car payment and we split all household expenses(yes she can contribute a little more more due to having better money management.
She is with her parents with mobile and car insurance.
Myself I pay the land lease, my high car payment, car insurance, and like I said contribute to household bills.
On financial account it feels
Like it can be used over my head because I wasn't given the chance in life she did growing up. And can make me feel like I'm a looser because I can't solely provide for the entire family. Which is a goal one day.
Insist is Im From Poverty with parental issues.
we're she is from Middle class that parents were older and non abusive.
Now for work load yes I give it to her she was a single mom that went to school and got her degrees.
And I commend her for that.
We both work full time. I do drop offs i. Morning for all 3 kids. While she picks up after school/daycare.
Now I just started a new job in the afternoons Sun-thursday 1-9:30 I also do side work semi regular depending and time of year.
She is M-F 7-4.
I base clean the house semi regularly and full clean on Fridays.
But it never seems to be good enough. If I forgot to put a dish in the dishwasher I might as well as do e nothing. If I were to forget to sweep a area that day same thing.
I have a dog that sheds alot and she in not a animal person(fair enough but our house is not anywhere near a mess.
Now she dose all the babies laundry and diapers because she want to.
She will see something that I didn't clean or that got dirty since I cleaned and will tell me to clean it.
She now cooks 2-3 times a week because of my new shift.
She will give the kids a bath 2 days a week and I do 1 day(use to be reversed)
Now when it comes to attention to detail that's were the fighting stars alot.
There has been a few times(no more the 5)that I've done stuff like left a cloth diaper on the couch or left a bottle on the floor. And when this happens I guess I'm a useless peice of sh!+ that can't do anything.(not her words but how it sounds 2 me).
Now shortly before the whole couch thing. I have been on a medication journey. I have delt with ADHD and Anger management my entire life.
But I haven't been in the state of anger in many many years till I started to take medication (which i have ceased the Adderall)
But the 13 y/o was suspended for a gun threat at school and was grounded. As I'm heading off to work I asked him to do some extra chores partially as punishment and the other half is he also has daily choorse.but his response was just defiance, backpack and refusal. I gave up I told home he couldn't leave the room. Unless it was choose or bathroom. As I'm walking out he said "I wish I were dead. I dont wanna be here anymore". Now I lost it here(I suffer from manic depression and use to be suicidal it's been 11 years in a healthier state of mind.) But I did i saw red i got angry a stormed the roo. A got load I got in his face I made him cry I am sorry I crossed a line. I did not get physical but I did get scarry. Wife tho on the other hand insist I hit him(we have a camera that sees me hovering over him yelling)
I understand what she saw and how it looked. She refused to talk to child about situation because she feels if he didn't bring it up he blocked it out. I know he didn't we talked abouts it and he did lear from it but no it's not the proper way. I promise never to be the physical disappointed that is mom's job. (Partially anger management partially coming from. A abusive past)
1 week later she reached out to her Ex( wanting to remain a friend. Yes I got jealous why would you want to start talking to a ex basically imidiatly after getting married. She did want closer from This ex a few months prior.
And a few months prior I was jealous also so I reached out to him just stating that hr needs to remain respectfully of our relationship. His choices led to him stop texting her at that point.
So In my mind closure is to get answers to close that chapter in your life. Not to rekindle a friendship.
After I got jealous and said exactly what I just said here she locked me out of her phone. We always had access to eacther phones. Then she takes me off the home cameras.
Now ever day after this whole messaging her ex taboggle thigs just seem to be going down hill. She rarely talks to me. She won't answer my text thought the day. She still talking To the Ex. But if I dont hear my phone ring because I'm asleep or playing with the kids or just in general no around my phone all hello breaks loose because kinda like the cleaning I might as well joy have a phone. (Now I've only ever not answered her calls and gotten back to het less then a dozen times in rather 3 years)
So now heris everything at Once. Im trying everyday to be better i want to talk I want to know what I need to do to fix this. I need her to be able to communicate with me. I do t want a broken home i dont want us to be the couple that dislikes each other. Our love use to be strong these arguments use to be pettyish. She won't except my love anymore. She won't show me love anymore.
I.mTrying to set up a couples therepy. She has denied th advice and from her therepy insisting i need to take care of my mental health not hers.
Now she is willing but I asked before we got married her therapist offered and suggested before we got married.
Now every day since we have been in this hiatus it's directed twords me Why you on your phone you talking to you girl friend. Why are you hiding
Your phone(I'm not i dont even delete spam messages they just get filtered out)
Seriously guys just as I'm writing this and setting up my childrens Life insurance i have herd that 2 times.
What can I do differently. What do I need to improve upon. Am I worth saving or am I just better off being D.I.T.D
I dont think either one of us is right and I dont thing either one of us are in the wrong eaither. I just dont know what to do. Kdont want a broken home. I want our kids to have health parents.
Im in love with my wife.
But I dont know if she loves me anymore.
She hasent kicked me out.
She did slyly say something about more kids lately so I belive she dose still have love for me.
| Just reading the post, you’re making a lot of excuses for yourself. You say our arguments are against me, then you say you’re on the couch, which inadvertently says my wife put me here, instead of there’s a reason she is frustrated, then you said she has better money management so that’s why you contribute less, which is another excuse. Then you said you didn’t have the chance in life growing up that she did therefore.. what? you can’t pull your own weight? You can, you need to believe in yourself.
Then you said I do drop off for ALL 3 KIDS, well, yeah, they *are* your children. But then you say oh yeah and she does after school. Well you know that’s just as much work as drop off, right? So don’t downplay it.
You don’t actually clean the house then, I’m sorry, but if she is finding stuff all the time that you didn’t do, that tells me you’re half-assing it. She’s sick of the half-assed job, so she does the laundry. Maybe her children won’t have clean clothes otherwise. Not saying that’s true or not but think about it, about why this all is happening with the chores.
Oh my goodness bro! You got so close to your child that your wife thinks you hit him in a fit of rage? WTF? Because he said he was depressed and suicidal? Are you serious right now? Then you are essentially justifying it by saying you have a history of anger issues and it’s been a long time since you’ve been angry so it’s okay this one time? No, it’s not. Apologize, GENUINELY, to your son, and do better. Tell yourself and him, Never again, and mean it.
Yes you need to have your phone on you. For emergencies and communication.
She should not be talking to her ex. Point blank. That’s very disrespectful to you. She seems 100% checked out.
She won’t accept your love anymore because it’s been three years of her feeling like you’re taking advantage of her, she feels like she’s doing everything, raising the kids, she’s working really hard, she’s doing so much for you and then the small tasks she asks of you you don’t even do right. I’ve been there. You bring her a lot of stress, she can’t even relax and breathe in her own home.
I agree with her, that you need to work on your mental health, but she also could use some therapy/venting, and you all could also use couples therapy. But you both have to be committed!!!
Step 1. Sit her down when the kids are in bed. Tell her you’re sorry for how you let her down every day. That you want to be a better husband and father, and partner and friend to her.
Step 2. Follow through. Do what you say you’re going to do. Hold yourself accountable. It seems to me this is a problem area for you. Don’t make excuses for yourself, you’re a grown adult man ffs. You can wash a dish or pick up lint or whatever else is on your list of responsibilities. You’re better than this half way crap you’re doing, half way in all areas, not just household, but in loving and cherishing your wife, guiding and nurturing your children, leading your family in terms of finances and responsibility.
Step 3. Check in with her. See how she is doing. If she needs anything. Don’t pressure her for sex, just show her that you love her by whatever her love language is, make the effort. Ever heard the phrase “if he wanted to, he would”? Well, then do whatever it is! Don’t be a deadbeat. Be sweet towards her, and don’t ever stop. Be sweet until you’re 85 and 90, and beyond.
And please please be there for your son. He is begging crying out in desperation for help and support. He needs LOVE not being screamed at. Nurture your relationship with your son. Sit down with him and apologize, and mean it. And then follow through. Be a better dad for him. Do things with him that he enjoys, it’s not about you, it’s about him, so whatever floats his boat, and act like you’re having fun. |
AITAH for leaving church with my kids after a family member I’m no contact with said hi? | I have a family member (54 f) I am no-contact with and have been for years due to past issues. My parents (61 f & 71 m) know this and I’ve been very clear that I don’t want any interaction with this person. I’ve told them I’m fine being in the same building as long as we sit separately and there’s no contact.
Today, my parents, my kids (twins, 9 f), and I went to church. Everything was fine through Sunday school. Afterward, while waiting for regular service to start, the family member I’m no-contact with arrived. I had my back turned, and my husband (42 f) pointed her out to me. I saw she was talking to my mom.
At some point, the family member asked my mom if she should hug me. My mom told her not to hug me but said she could say hi. This was done knowing I did not want contact.
The family member then tapped me on the shoulder, said hi, and I said hi before turning away again. She went to sit elsewhere. I didn’t cause a scene, raise my voice, or confront anyone. I told my mom I was going to get my kids and leave, and we left quietly.
My mom is very upset that I took the kids and left and says I overreacted. She also brought up an incident from nine years ago where she claims I spoke to this person and allowed her to hug my kids, but that didn’t actually happen. At the time, my kids were infants in a stroller, I was caught off guard in a store, I had come around a corner and she was right there I couldn’t have avoided her in this situation, and my mom was angry with me afterward for speaking to the person at all.
I feel like my boundary was ignored, and I removed myself and my kids rather than create conflict. My mom feels hurt and says I shouldn’t have left.
I’m not trying to control who my parents talk to or where they go. I just want my boundary respected when we’re together.
AITA?
| Good for you for sticking to your healthy boundaries and leaving. I wish I could be like that! Definitely not over-reacting if that's what made you and your kids feel safe/comfortable. |
AITAH for helping my younger brother avoid the consequences? | Throwaway with slightly obscured details due to obv privacy concerns... Beware, VERY LONG post.
My brother, Jack (M23) and his girlfriend Carmen (F23) were in a relationship for a few years and lived together. I didn't know Carmen well, but met her a couple times and she seemed nice.
My wife and I were eating lunch with friends on a random Saturday a few weeks back, and my *other* younger brother, Chris (M22), called me.
"So uh, Jack's in the county jail.... Wtf do we do?" He told me that Carmen had called them (him and his GF, Elle, F22), saying that Jack had hit her; she called the cops, but was not expecting him to be arrested that immediately because it was just a bruise on her arm.
So all five of us (Me, wife, Chris, Elle, and Carmen) spent the rest of the day bailing Jack out. Then, we moved Carmen into Chris' spare room until we could be certain she'd be safe.
After a few days, Carmen had made up their mind to break up with Jack, which the rest of us supported. We set up a safe meeting (with both Chris and myself present) so that she could have the breakup conversation with him.
They broke up, I comforted Jack outside, and I thought all was well.
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_
This is where it gets a bit more interesting. While I talked to Jack outside, he finally told me the whole situation.
The relationship wasn't entirely happy, and this was due in part to the fact that Carmen had not been working for a whole year. She expected Jack to pay all the bills (and her school tuition), but she wouldn't do any house work or pitch in elsewhere. She spent her days watching TV until late at night, and making excuses as to why she wouldn't find a job. Her best attempt at claiming she helped him was, "I helped suggest how Jack can find a better job"
Now, I'm an egalitarian and all, but I still think that's pretty whack.
Anywho, that wasn't even the main problem. On that night, Jack had been working all day and finally sat down to take a break. Carmen began to yell at him to figure out how to remove a lingering smell that was coming from one of their couches.
Being exhausted and laying on the bed, Jack half-jokingly bopped her with a pillow, basically telling her to leave him alone for a while. Then, Carmen proceeded to *jump on him*, repeatedly hammer-striking his head and arms with the edge of her iPhone (which *he* bought her, mind you).
At some point, blocking with his arms was not working anymore, so Jack pinned her on the bed firmly and told her to stop. She stopped for a couple seconds, but when he let go of her, she decked him square in the jaw.
That's when Jack lost it; he hit her in the arm a few times, repeating, "How does *that* feel?!" before getting off her and walking away. She called the cops; he was arrested, despite having more significant injuries than she did (all up and down his chest and arms).
He showed me all the pictures he took at home the night he was released from jail, with the bruises all over him. Time stamped and everything, so I could tell they were genuine.
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_
Okay... So my conclusion was, "it's good you broke up." Both people hit each other. I reprimanded Jack and told him he should break up with someone *before* it gets that far. I told him that men hit harder than women, and that once he was on *top*, he should have walked away instead of hitting her back.
After I gave Jack a stern talking to and some final words of comfort regarding the actual breakup, I went back home to my own wife.
That's where it should be over, right?
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_
***Wrong***.
Not ten minutes after I get home does Jack call me, freaking out. Carmen had called him, asking for a sum of money (like 5 figures), basically his entire savings. She made a thinly veiled threat to press charges if he didn't comply. I told Jack to take a breath and rest first, and we'd deal with it the next day.
Tomorrow rolls around, and CHRIS is also calling me, freaking out. His gf (Elle) is a law student; apparently, Carmen had gone to Elle in search of advice, and now the two girls were actively cooking up a plan to use a JUDGE to file some sort of motion that would force Jack to move out of the apartment while continuing to pay the rent.
In addition, Carmen was threatening to press further charges if Jack didn't cough up that eye-watering amount of money.
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_
This is where I may be TAH. I called Jack, and we canceled the lease, paying the cancellation penalty that same day. Because Carmen was still staying at Chris' house, she wasn't there. So we went to the apartment and moved all of Jack's belongings out, including furniture and all his clothes; all we left behind were her personal belongings. She would be left with one full calendar month to move her things out.
All of this occurred before any sort of proceedings could be filed. As far as our lawyer was concerned, the court's main concern is to keep the accused party from being near enough to threaten the victim's safety.
So, with Jack showing *no signs* of wanting to contact Carmen, having proactively canceled the lease and moved out on his *own accord*, and there being no registered domestic partnerships in the state we live in, the court wouldn't likely pursue this any further.
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_
Now, both girls are freaking out. Elle broke up with Chris, accusing him of being a DV enabler and spying on them to give me intel. Carmen still has no job, so she's also in a rough state.
Last I heard, Elle has rented a new place (she's moving out of Chris' house). Carmen will be moving in with her. We are slightly worried that Elle will be burdened with providing for Carmen indefinitely; however, she made that decision herself, and there's not much we can really do about that.
So my question is... Are we TAH for helping Jack get out of the financial trap the girls had set for him? | This reads like a creative writing exercise. |
AITAH? Overseas friend [M39] turned up at my [F35] house unexpectedly. I got spooked and blocked him | Per the title.
So a guy I've known from a personality theory focused (MBTI) WhatsApp group for a while, has been reaching out to me personally the last two months or so.
Before that, we occasionally said hi to one another, or reacted to each others status since we are friends in the group. He once asked my address so he could send me and others in the group samples from his spice company. That was two years ago. We are all friends (or friends of friends), so i thought nothing of sharing my address.
Anyway, contact intensified.
Reason: he wants to do business in the country i live in, and fly over soon. He asks me if I'm interested in taste testing and providing more feedback on the food culture here. I'm excited to help out, of course, it's fun.
He sends over his package with actual products, wonderful. I send a video of tasting everything and give feedback and all is good and fun.
We talk a bit about how we are doing. Turns out he is very much into my personality type. I am aware this man is married. I am recently divorced. I put up boundaries and remind him of my position and that i am available for friendly talk only. He respects it, assures me we are only friends, and backs off.
However, we continue talking. This is where i wished i had been more firm. But he talks about his childhood, his trauma, the ways his personality formed, etc.
He sends over a second package. This time, he added some fun things, like a card, and a teacup, and a snack with the products. I told him i was going through a rough time, and he wanted to cheer me up. This made me very happy.
Now he said, he is considering leaving his partner, because she was having some kind of affair a while ago. He says he wants to live in more integrity with himself, and seek someone better suited for his personality type.
I wish him all the best, tell him i can't be available for this kind of conversation again, and take my distance from him (though i never initiated conversation). He says he understands. Later, he reaches out to me to tell me he needs my good luck wishes because his life may change this weekend, and he will confront his partner and leave her. He says he has feelings for me..
I tell him to sort out his situation and then we can see where things go, if anywhere, but please give me space and do not contact me until the situation is different. He agrees to this.
The weekend goes by. Then suddenly, the Wednesday after, i get a WhatsApp message from him while I'm at my parent's for New Year's. It's a picture of my house 😱 he asks if I'm home. I say I'm not. He says he brought the same snacks he sent before, and wanted to quickly drop by to drop them off plus some money he wanted to give to me before arranging a hotel... And his business plans were moved up.. (he was supposed to come to the country months later. I never agreed to meeting up with him, nor did we arrange anything).
I started fawning during the conversation out of shock. Then i started to become very scared. I told him i needed space, that i was not going to meet up with him because i told him i was not available to talk to him anymore until after he sorted his situation out with his partner, and now he was at my door, suddenly, and without hotel plans. It was January 1st.
He apologised a lot, but then got upset that i seemed to assume the worst from him. He said "i was just going to drop by and say hi, maybe hug. He is just being a good friend, and is very sad I'm not happy" . He then tells me he was coming by to tell me in person, that he and his partner are back together after a very good talk past Saturday, and that he would love to stay just friends, and "set things straight".
He says he is just being an unconventional (insert personality type), and sometimes his type doesn't have know how of what's appropriate.
He says it seems i am triggered, and he will go to the city he needs to stay at, and won't return to my house. He then sends me a personality theory video on why I'm behaving unhealthily, and asks me to please watch it because it gave him clarity on my behaviour.
I say i never consented to the position he seemingly put me in, and feel like i can't trust the coherence between his words and actions. I feel unsafe, and feel like i need to block him to protect myself.
Eventually, i return home. He actually did leave me some money in my letterbox. I made sure to stay with my parents until after he said he would leave just to be sure. But now i am wondering; did i overreact? Was i being way too hard on a good friend? AITAH? .
EDIT: to say, he needed to fly over to me on New Year's Eve, for about 12 hours, and then take a train and bus to my house... | NTA. He’s being very weird and he wants to blame it on… what, his cognitive functions preference?
That’s a disturbing lack of accountability. |
AITAH for feeling hurt that my bf of 11 yrs comments on other girls TikToks, on his “secret” “personal” TT account? | I’d love to hear from the men on this one. Bonus points if you’re over 40.
Background: we share a business TT account, and \~5 years ago I called him out for *our* FYP being full of thirst traps, AND for scrolling bikini TT pages while we sit next to each other on the sofa at night.
His response was to get defensive, and immediately made his own (not so secret) TT profile. I only know because I saw the notifications pop up on his phone years ago.
Flash forward to now … he comments things ranging from:
“This fits your personality perfectly” (*how TF does he know some random girl’s personality?!?! This is the most hurtful, tbh)*
“Hi” - *in response to the caption “anyone who comments gets pics sent to their inbox”*
“Where do I see them?” - *in response to caption “who hasn’t seen my b00bs?”*
I fully admit, I snooped in his phone (a grand invasion of privacy, and I found what I “deserve” I guess). His SPARE PHONE (I jokingly call it a “wank bank” - trying to open a lighthearted vibe about porn in our relationship - which he greatly dislikes and prefers to call it an “iPod” for the gym - that he never goes to).
Looking for honesty, not shame. I have no one else to talk to about this, and I genuinely want to know if this is something I need to just get over. Is this the world we live in now? | This is the world YOU’RE CHOOSING to live in. This is the “man” YOU’RE CHOOSING to be with. No, you don’t need to get over this, you need to rediscover your self respect and CHOOSE to leave this loser. |
AITAH for feeling neglected in my relationship? | Hi Reddit,
This is my first anonymous reddit post and English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry about that. Now I (19F) and my boyfriend (21M) have been together for almost a year. I truly love this man. His humor, how intelligent he is and his personality in general. I really see a future with him and this relationship means so much to me.
But lately, I have been feeling neglected in my relationship. It's multiple problems all at once and I'm uncertain if I'm complaining too much. First of all, we see eachoter once or twice a week, due to us both being busy with school and work. Now I am fine with this, but when we are together most of the time he is glued behind his computer screen playing games with friends or working the whole time. He barely talks to me when he does and it feels like his priorities are always revolved around his friends.
Second of all, when we text he barely responds. When he does, it's dry and short answers. I always have to start the conversation and ask him what he's up too, but he never cares to ask about my day or how I'm feeling. He also refuses to call from time to time, which is something that also hurts.
Third of all, he never compliments me, doesn't call me nicknames, doesn't really question about my interests and we never really go out for dates. And if we are at his home, we just end up on his bed and don't really do anything. I don't need to be out every week or need a compliment every minute of the day. But I would love to be called beautiful for once without having to hint or beg for an answer.
Despite all of this, yes he isn't my only priority and I still go out with friends often, work a lot, go to school, go to the gym, practice my hobbies and enjoy my free time.
There is a lot more going on and yes I've tried bringing some of the topics up in the past, but I feel like he doesn't understand me or simply doesn't care. How do I bring this up to him? Because I really love this man and I want to fight for this relationship. I've already asked for some advice around the people in my life, but that didn't really lead to anything. I could really use some help and advice. I feel like I'm complaining to much or that all of this is in my head and it also makes me feel guilty. So AITAH? | It sounds like you are more invested in this relationship than he is. NTA/NAH, but this is who he is with you. You don't have to accept it. You can move on and find someone who will not make you feel neglected. I don't think you two are compatible. A year is not a long time, it's good to find out now rather than later. |
AITAH for not wanting my mum to live with me… again | For context, previously mum left a toxic 14 year relationship. Me, my partner and sister were in a 4 bedroom rental so we had the space for her and we took her in. Mums old house was a drinking house, so when she moved in with us we only had 2 rules for her. No partys here and no bringing her ex around.
In the beginning everything was fine, mum was helping out cooking, cleaning, paying her $100 a week for board and doing well. Couple months in she starts acting up, her room smells, she stops cooking, stops buying food, starts going to families houses complaining that she’s bored here, that she always has to look after the dogs and she can’t go anywhere or do anything because of it. (She doesn’t even have a car or a job)
Mums ex gets engaged to another women but they’re still in contact calling eachother babe, video calling, meeting up, hooking up. One day while we’re all at work (the three of us worked afternoon shifts) my brother drives past my house and sees mums ex reversed parked in the driveway with the gate closed like it had been a habit and a normal thing since she’s been with us. I message her and tell her to get him out of there. Mind you atp I’m between 3 and 7 months pregnant so she’s added on to the mental stress. We get home after work and she’s gone, we don’t hear from her for 2 weeks and while she’s gone doesn’t pay her board or contact us.
Eventually our lease ends and mum gets her a 1 bedroom and goes her separate way. While in her own space she’s still seeing her engaged ex while he’s planning a wedding.
A year and a bit down the track he plans to leave his fiance so they can rekindle, tells her to move out of her place and back in with him. She still has 3 months left on her lease and we tell her to keep it just in case something goes wrong, she doesn’t listen, rushes into it and moves back in with him.
About a month later mum finds out he’s still with his fiancé and that he never stopped seeing her so she starts smashing up his things and my brother takes her in (he has 5 kids combined btw, 4 who go back and forth to the other parent, and 1 that stays with them full time). His house is a 3 bedroom and mum has 1 of them. They said it all started off the same, mum was good in the beginning then became horrible.
Now, me, my sister and now ex partner own a 4 bedroom house with my now 2 year old. Ex has moved out so it’s just me, my sister, baby and the dogs living here. We now have an extra bedroom and my brother is begging us to take mum in. I keep telling them I can’t do it again because it took a mental toll on me when we had her the first time especially being pregnant, also me and my ex are going through a really tough time and having her here would only make it much worse. As much as we need the money to help out with bills I would rather struggle than take care of her again.
I feel for my brother because he has a lot of kids and not much space when they’re all there together but i really don’t have the mental capacity to deal with her again and I’m also the youngest out of all our siblings so I feel like she shouldn’t be my responsibility.
So… AITAH for not wanting my mum to live with us again? Thoughts on this situation?
Update: thank you kind strangers for all your feedback and support. I have never felt such a safe space about this topic before because I’ve been criticised for not wanting her around just because she’s my parent, so this has all been an eye opener for me and I am so appreciative. I’ve decided to put my own family and mental health first and will make sure she doesn’t ruin it again. I can do my best to support her from afar but i wont allow her into mine and my babies space again. Thanks everyone 🙌 | [removed] |
AITAH For kicking out my best friend even though they had no where to go. | Ok for context I am a 20f living with my boyfriend 29m in a pretty big bedroom apartment in the middle of my city. We have it pretty good we both work, him as a chef and me as a bartender but we make ok money. I used to have a pretty bad dr#g problem a year or so ago, I'm not proud of it but it's needed for the story.
To my best friend we'll call her Alice 21f and her boyfriend Caleb 20m. They are broken up now from what I know but during there relationship they had fist fights, dr#g problems, money issues and cheating.
My best friend and her boyfriend got evicted for the 2 time in 1,5 years because they don't pay their bills and I let my best friend stay with me for free during last time.
(last time I lived alone)
This time tho she came to me and asked if her and her boyfriend could crash here for a little bit but I said no.
My boyfriend didn't know we'd already spoken about it and she whent behind me and asked him.
(he said yes because he thought he was helping my friend).
I didn't feel like I had much to say about it because I had only moved in to his place 6 weeks ago so i bit my tongue and they moved in.
We had a few rules tho like:
1. No fighting (meaning their ones a month fist fights)
2. No smashing things, even if it's their own things (my bestie has a tendency to crash entire apartments when mad) (we have a cat)
3. No friends over without discussing with us (even if we aren't home)
4. Don't keep us up (with our schedules it's hard to sleep)
5. NO DR#GS (MOST IMPORTANT)
Now to what happened:
My friends boyfriend wasn't so happy with this and during their first 3 days of being here they did dr#gs, in front of me.
I ended up doing it to, it was hard to here the doing li___#es without getting the itch and I caved.
When I came to I took a shower while crying and the I got obviously pissed of but knew how hard it was getting out of that so I told them to stop there and then.
I whent to bed and the next day they where still doing it and had even bought more.
They got into a fight because of me and her boyfriend left her with no other place to go.
So I said she could stay if she stopped and that her boyfriend couldn't come back tonight, because I had my cousin from another state coming over in a few hours, let's call her Nicky 20f.
She said she would go to sleep so I sent her to the room with no dr#gs and some bedding.
A few hours later when my cousin had arrived her boyfriend called me and told me he was outside.
(I had no clue he was coming over since last I herd they were fighting)
I whent and got him but in the elevator he told me about how much dr#gs they had bought together and that they had been talking in phone.
I let him in to the room where my best friend was and told them nicely that they had to leave. They broke so many rules and it was just not ok.
Alice started to scream in my face that I was worthless and wouldn't get anywhere in life high enough for Nicky to here. So my Nicky came running in to my best friend standing screaming in my face that I was a dr#g a##ict. Alice said "look me in my eyes and tell me you want me out on the street" I said yes, so she took a bag of clothes and they left.
She ran around my city for a few months telling people that I sent her out in the cold for no reason but to make space for my cousin, and that I was a hypocrite for telling people it was because she did dr#gs in my apartment even though I did them to hours before.
But AITAH for kicking them out. | NTA
You don't owe people your peace of mind, let alone a room in your home. You should not have to live with fist fights, dr#g problems, money issues and cheating happening under your roof |
WIBTAH If I Continue My Court Case? *trigger warning, DV abuse* | Hey there,
Throw away for obvious reasons. I (29f) don’t know if I am WIBTAH or am being gaslight again. I know those closest to me are on my side but they could be bias so I’m coming to Reddit.
My ex fiancé (32m), let’s call him X, called begging for me to not request any child support.
For context, we were in a committed relationship, engaged to be married, I put him through school, the whole 9 yards. I had one pregnancy that resulted in multiples babies (trying to be vague because I don’t know if X is on Reddit) - suffice it to say, we have multiple children together. When 2020 hit, X completely changed. So many lies came to the surface. He admitted half of the lies initially, these ranged from silly things like his favorite soda all the way to his practicing religion - a religion I thought we shared. All the religious practices & encouragements he shared with me, was all fake, things he heavily researched “to get married” to me. So many layers of shock to say the least.
I tried to work through him on the lies, after all it was lying not cheating & we have kids but 2020 proved to have much more in store. He started changing his stories, claiming he never lied & that our conversations were all just misunderstandings - except the religion one, he owned up to that one. But even our couples therapist pointed out his lies.
*TRIGGER WARNING DV* Then the screaming, the shoving & pushing, throwing & smacking began. I felt crazy, like maybe I even deserved it. It all culminated to him threatening to “unsubscribe” our children & me. He even laid out all the different ways he was thinking of doing it & that was the final straw. The moment he brought the kids into it, it all clicked. Got a restraining order, got help from a woman’s shelter & therapy. He underwent a couple of court mandated therapies & that was it.
Flash forward to now, my kids are thriving & money is tight but I’ve worked myself to the bone so they never experience poverty, digging myself into debt at times & other times having 3 jobs at once, working 7 days a week. He has been more consistent with communication for a year or so now but mostly MIA the rest of the other years.
He has his own family now & is “trying to fix everything” with our kids. We’ve tried to be cordial & I’ve even sent gifts for his new girl’s baby registry, etc. I want to coparent as best as I can. Now he has been saying how child support would destroy everything he has tried to build. I stood my ground on the phone with him but I’ve been questioning it ever since. How he worded every sentence.. I feel like if I keep pursuing child support that I’m going to ruin this other woman & unborn child’s life. He kept telling me how crippling it’d be. I’d like to think he has changed for the better but if there is anything I know about X, is that his most abusive tendencies are the worst when he is low on money. I feel completely responsible for the whole situation now. Like I am the only person standing in the way of this woman having a safe pregnancy & happy home life or a poverty & abuse stricken one.
I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if he started abusing his new girl or their kid when it’s born because money is tight & he is stressed. I’m not trying to be greedy. I don’t want to bankrupt & ruin anyone’s life but I hate feeling like I’m just keeping my head above water. I want to be able to breathe a little.
So Reddit, WIBTAH if I keep pursuing child support? Or am I being manipulated again?
*Edit* To clarify based on comments, I work hard so that my kids want for nothing. They’ve been on tropical vacations & always get what they want for Christmas & birthdays. I don’t care about X or care about his happiness. I’ve repeatedly told him no on several issues before. I don’t cater to him. This instance though, made me question myself. I suppose if you’ve never been gaslit before you can’t understand it yourself. | Child support is for your children. You are not the problem, and since he helped make the kids he needs to help financially support the kids.
As a fellow DV survivor, I URGE you to get therapy because you are still very much in the part of the abusive cycle where you are blaming yourself for his actions. |
AITAH for manipulating my ex when he was a narcissist (super long sorry) | Me (F19) and my ex (M28) met last year, when we were 18 and 27, while I was at work. He was a patient (not mine) and everyone working with me told me I needed to go talk to him. I didn't until about a month later when I was single and decided it was time for me to extend my branches back into the dating world. So I was scrolling through suggested people, found his name, and decided to add him. He didn't add me back for about another month and when he did he messaged first. We talked a little for a couple days and then he asked me on a date. Now, I know the age gap should have been my first red flag but I have a lot of family with massive age gaps and they are really happy.
Anyways we went on this date and that is when the lying started. He told me he had to cut the date short to help his dad with a sprinkler system he was installing. I didn't think much of it until fast forward another month and I get a random dm from a girl I'd never heard of. She messaged me to ask about "time line clarification" it turns out the sprinkler system was her waiting at his house (he lived with his grandma... I know....) after driving three hours to spend the weekend with her. The next week we spent almost every afternoon together while he was telling her he was with his dad every time. I told her it was me he was with and she explained he was distant while she was over and then cut it off when she went home. I confronted him about it and he came clean telling me he wasn't really sure if he wanted to leave her but after our date he just had to. I decide not to care about it, after all, he did chose me, and didn't think about it.
Mean while the whole month in between out first date and me finding out his grandma would call me her name EVERY DAY. But I GAVE HIM the excuse by asking "is that your cousin's name?" And he went with it. I know I'm dumb.
Anyways a couple weeks go by and I get added to this group chat with that girl and his other ex. Who he had told me about because she would call him non stop almost every day even from an "unknown number" he told me he couldn't block her because they were in middle of a court case over a house that they bought together. I was like okay yeah makes sense and didn't worry to much about it because he'd let me answer the phone when she called. But then in this group chat she sends screenshots of messages between him and her from the week prior (while we were fully together) about how he was going to go up and f her and how I was just a play thing until he was ready to settle back down with her. Now. I know this should have been my stopping point. But this lady was 32 years old (mind you I'm 18) and she was being absolutely horrible to me about "taking her man" with the added him convincing me she was psycho and abusive. I thought she faked the messages. I ended up blocking both of them but not before they told me I needed to check his phone.
Now during this time I was also experiencing my first pregnancy scare so I was super stressed out and with him every day. One day I finally decided to go through his phone under the presence of me playing a game on his phone. What I found was horrid. Not only did he try to delete the messages but left it available for me to restore but he was also talking crap on me to multiple people. Talking about how I was trying to baby trap him (he actively convinced my childish mind that I was ready for a kid and that with only 4 months of knowing each other we should try for a baby, and trying to get me to go off my birth control) how I was just like his first ex that baby trapped him (yes this man has a full ahh 7 year old wandering around out there with out a father) how I was this stupid little one night stand (while he was telling me he wanted to marry me by the end of the year) and how I was just psycho and emotionally abusive (mind you I did everything for this man, his laundry, made sure he took his *antipsychotic* meds, renewed his registration on his car, made him and his grandma dinner, took his grandma to doctors appointments and the grocery store, folded his laundry etc)
Then all those messages the one ex sent me were all there including nudes from both parties. I confronted him right then and their. Did not yell. Didn't say anything except for "if I am a play thing you can take me home and consider me donated" he then refused to take me home (half an hour away) until we talked about it. To which I took his car keys and went and sat my ass in the car and waited. He finally took me home and some how managed to convince me he was just scared if his ex and that's why he did all these things.
I proceeded to do everything for him, spend all of my free time either with him or waiting for him to finally show up hours after we had made plans. Until finally I was going to the bathroom at a gas station and had his phone. Something told me to check it and there was not one, not two, but three NEW women that he was telling he loved them and sending nudes to. I then played off the whole day like I was fine just to make sure he would take me home because I was an hour and a half away.
I finally broke it off. After that I talked to a therapist and she cleared things up. I matured enough to realize nothing he ever says to me will ever be able to hurt me again. And then let him break no contact. After I had him convinced I was in love with him again I ghosted him (he has abandonment issues due to his mother or so he says) then after a month recontacted him. Convinced him I would never leave and ghosted him again. Contacted him and convinced him I'd never leave and I kept coming back so obviously I couldn't actually hate him. Ghosted him again.
Then finally he texted me asking me to have a baby with him because "he was getting old and needed to have a boy to carry on his family name" so I am now in the process of drafting up a legal contract for him to sign because all I want is to be a mother and to have him legally bound to give me d1 babies without the ability to participate in infedelity sounds a little good right now. My only problem with it is the fact I'd have to look at his stupid ass face every day. But no actually I'm just waiting until he hires a lawyer before I ghost him again this time for good.
Sorry this was so long! | So, NTA to him, he for sure deserves all. But I think you're hurting you so much. I don't know how his mind works, but if he is talking to three women at the time, having one more that comes and goes it doesn't sound like a problem to him. Stop playing games with that man, just stop answering him at all, he doesn't deserve your time at all.
Now, if you're truly planing to have a baby in despite just to trap him legally without him be able to cheat, YTA to that baby. A child is a huge responsabilty and deserves parents that will give them unconditional love and caring, not constants fights because their parents don't stand each other and are together just for the baby. The kids can always notice this things and it suck. Please don't ruin your future child just to have revange of a man, not worth it. |
AITAH for withdrawing from intimacy from my new husband | nothing on paper is wrong. I love my husband deeply. We’re newlyweds. We’ve known each other a long time but intimacy wasnt in the cards for us until we got married (religious reasons).
I didn’t really expect that when things emotionally felt off / feel off that I’d withdraw so much. I feel bad because my husband evidentially wants to be intimate, and I just haven’t been in the right headspace since mid November. We sometimes fight about things like his family - I wish they were nicer and warmer to us both - and something about the tension really gets to me. I just feel like I’m failing as a wife, all the time, and it’s a horrible feeling. | Withdrawing from intimacy when you feel "off" emotionally is totally normal. Pushing yourself to do it anyway will only make you resent sex and your husband eventually. You need to address whatever issues you're having. Don't sugarcoat it with "nothing is wrong". Your body is telling you something is wrong. |
Aitah for yelling at my fiancé’s brother? | Am I the asswhole for yelling at my fiance's brother? (also english is my second language sorry if some parts sound off also throwaway because i dont want any of our friends seeing this post)
Me (28 male) and my amazing fiance (26 female) have been dating for three and a half years engaged for a year! ( and hopefully married soon!) but there's always been a tiny problem with her brother (38 male) her parents died when she was 7 and he was nineteen in a car crash. He pretty much took care of her since then because he didn't want her to end up in an orphanage or foster care (sorry if this isn't the right word for it ) , so he's been there for her for a while and they're super close because of everything that's happened.
he's also very overprotective of her which i 100% understand because of everything that happened he wants to make sure she's always ok but also she's literally the sweetest person i've ever met. I love her so much but she's a chronic people pleaser. She'll always help out whenever she can so he always wants to make sure people aren't taking advantage of her or anything.
I love her to death but I also end up saying she can't help everyone and to get her to stop working so hard ( shes trying really hard to be better at this though and shes gotten better shes stoped taking over others shifts when shes already exhausted and gotten better at saying no to people ) her brother doesn't really like me. I would say he tolerates me just because of how much she loves me.
The problem is he can get really really overbearing. He’ll stop by our flat sometimes just to check and if he finds her doing the housework he’ll start questioning me on why i'm not ( we split the chores mostly evenly. I do the dishes and I clean around the house and she does the cooking and laundry. She's a chef and loves to make new recipes and im a bit biased but i do think she is one of the best cooks out there.) sometimes we’ll swap around chores if one of us isn't feeling up to it. Sorry for the long recap but i figured it would be important information for the story. So as i said her brother normally checks up on her and dose get kinda overbearing and very suspicious if he sees her doing household chores and he’ll start asking why im not dong it and why im just being lazy ( to be fair she has tried to tell him to stop it and she has explained over and over how we spilt the work evenly. Shes always defending me but as i said she's a people pleaser and doesn't ever go to far. Not that i blame her for it or anything i know shes trying to get him to stop and im happy shes telling him to stop even though he won't listen half the time) but anyways to the situation. So this morning me and her were up just doing some things before she had to head to work . she was making us breakfast and i was just checking up on some emails i got ( im a freelancer artist so i work from home alot ) and her brother came over she let him in and they were just chatting until she had to go to work and she came over to hug me and give me breakfast before going to get ready for work ( not important context but she makes the best omelets they're so fluffy ) and after she left her brother stuck around for a bit as i was working ( he was making little like insults about stuff but i mostly ignored it because it was just stupid nitpicks) but then he said ( im paraphrasing a bit) “you know you should really get off you ass and at least clean up. She goes to work all day and she works so hard while you sit here doing nothing.” i tried to explain as i have before how i'm a freelance illustrator and i am working but he just brushed it off and kept saying stuff like that so i snapped and said ( paraphrasing again) “maybe if you got a job instead of nitpicking and trying to tear me down you'd actually enjoy life and wouldn't spend it hovering over your sister even after she's said she's fine and doesn't need you to come by just to try and pick me apart. Even she says she dosnt want you here so take the hint and leave us the fuck alone. You say you care about her but if you did you'd let her live her life and stop trying to meddle in it when you're clearly not needed or wanted” he got mad and left while saying something about how she could end up with an asswhole like me, i think? I didn't hear him very well so it might have been different. I'm just wondering if i was to harsh because i know why hes to protective and im worried about how this will effect their relationship ( i don't think shell be mad at me for yelling at him or anything shes always said if he gets to be to much i can tell him to leave) but i may have been to harsh given their situation and how much they relied on each other after their parents passing. So i get why he's so overprotective. | NTAH. You hit a breaking point after a long pattern of disrespect and, while the history explains his behavior, it doesn’t excuse repeatedly undermining your relationship or ignoring boundaries you and your fiancée have clearly set. |
AITAH for not wanting my bf to see his dying dad after he walked out on him and hasn’t been in his life for years? | To start, I don’t care if my bf sees his dad. Obviously I’m not gonna stop him that would actually be mean and ridiculous. I just feel like his dad deserves to die alone? His dad raped his sister, beat my bfs mom, drugs alcoholic, walking out etc. my bf self destructed for years over this. He always talks about how he wanted a father figure growing up. He wants to visit to get closure but i seriously don’t think he will get closure in one day of seeing him. He’s hoping for an apology but I don’t think you should expect that from anyone ever. I just don’t want him to get hurt but all his friends and mom wants him to go “get closure” which I think is getting his hopes up and thinks this will solve all his problems.
Not trying to blast their family stuff and I will delete this after I get some responses but I fr care about my bf and just don’t want him to get his hopes up. Doubt his dad will be fully there anyway to have a full conversation. But maybe it will go well I just don’t think he’ll get much from a druggie methhead alcoholic | NTAH but it's an esh. My mom died a few months ago and she was a horrible sociopath that did horrible things. I lothed it but I was there at the end after no contact, made the decision when there was nothing else doctors could do, then picked up and packed up her life. As much as I hated her and never thought in a million years I'd care to be there at the end, I really did need that "closer." The day of her passing I gave myself a day to morn not her but the loss of something I never had. Then picked myself up and got things done. Let him make his choice, as much as my spouse hated my mom he was still for me every time I went. He wouldn't go into the room cause he can't stand her but he was where I needed him to be to support me through a time that's extremely confusing. |
AITAH for telling my fiance I didn't like how he talked about my weight while discussing strategies to defeat his mom in a game ? | To make things simple, I will refer to my future in-laws by their soon-to-be in-law status. My (25f) fiance (25m) and his family are athletic, competitive, and obsessed with professional wrestling. My mother-in-law is the "champion" of the women in their family. She works out and she's 5 feet 10 inches. She has a six pack and is a real muscle mommy.
I'm 5 ' 11, very overweight, and non-athletic. But my fiance said I could defeat his mom. MIL and I were to play wrestle on this thick mat. My fiance told me to first act like I can't handle his mom. That his mom is a show-off and will tire out herself lifting and slamming me to prove heavy she can lift. My fiance said it wouldn't hurt as much and it will drain her energy more than hurt me. He said it would be like MIL is John Cena and I'm the Big Show. Implying I'm the impressively heavy weight to lift.
My fiance was wrong. His mom lifting and slamming me hurt a lot. She destroyed me and won. So I get to hear my fiance talk about how heavy I am just to end up getting defeated without giving any offense against MIL.
When I told my fiance I didn't like how he talked about my weight, he said I shouldn't think of it that way. That being tall and heavy is an advance when wrestling someone. I told him plenty of women wouldn't want their fiance or husband talk about them like that. My fiance just said I am overreacting. Am I the asshole ? | This family sounds psychotic |
AITAH for considering divorce because my husband doesn’t want to live in the city we agreed on before marriage? | Hi, this is my first post so please bear with me.
I (F24) moved to Florida a little over a year ago to be with my husband(M23). We met in Florida when I was visiting a friend, then we did long distance for a while. Eventually, I decided to move to Florida to give the relationship a real try. That’s where he proposed and we got married. Everything happened very fast, but I truly believe in the whole “when you know, you know”.
Before I moved, I was very clear that my long term plan was to live in Texas, specifically San Antonio, so I could be closer to my family. I agreed to spend a few years in Florida so we could be near his family, with the understanding that once we were settled, we would move to Texas. He agreed to this.
Lately though, every time I mention that I don’t like Florida and that I’m excited to eventually move back to Texas, he gets very defensive and starts talking bad about Texas. That made me start wondering if he ever truly planned on moving with me .
Last night I brought up that he never really takes me out to explore Florida, so there isn’t much about living here that I’ve grown to like. I mention something along the lines of “when we move to San Antonio we can do all these different things since I know the area really well”. That’s when he got extremely defensive and said, “ I already told you I’m not moving to San Antonio, we can move anywhere else in Texas but not San Antonio “
This completely shocked me because I’ve never hidden my intentions to live in San Antonio. We started arguing, and he wouldn’t see my side at all. I explained that San Antonio was the only major city close to my family( they live about 4hrs away), and that being near them is really important to me . He still refused to even consider it .
I told him that since I was always honest about this plan and he agreed to it, he should have told me before getting married that he didn’t intend to live there . If I had known that I would’ve thought twice about marrying him. His excuse is that he doesn’t think he’ll find a good job there, but I’ve told him I actually made more money in San Antonio than I do now in Florida, working in the same field.
We argued all night, and now I’m seriously questioning whether I made a mistake rushing into this marriage with someone who won’t honor an agreement we made before we got married. If I’m being honest, part of me feels like he doesn’t want to move there because in his mind all my exes are there . Meanwhile all his exes are here in Florida, and I still agreed to move here and start over for him, but he won’t do the same for me .
So AITA for considering Divorce ?
| NTAH. Get out now before kids are involved. |
AITAH for going home? | So I work at a cafe with minimum wage
I worked 45 hours last week
I am working 40this week
I’m contracted for 30
I’ve worked 6 days on one off (therapy day) and then 6 on again
Today I worked 630 till 330
I got asked to stay even tho I told everone I had to be gone by 330
I worked a 12 hour then closed then opened
My boss ended up working today after doing afd (14 hour) now closing and opening tomorow
She came in and I left and she sempt really mad at me for leaving
Should I have stayed? I’m tired and grumpy and getting sick
| Nta, your boss needs to hire more people then, not be mad at those she has who are working doubles for her. |
AITAH for not want to see my Aunt, Oncle and Cousins ever again. | TLDR: Grandad died everyone showed their true Color. 10 Years ago and I am still mad
Before my Grandad died my oldest Cousin (C1) of three helped, but also manipulated him. Mainly that Grandpa spends less money. He had Private Caretaker. C1 fired them instantly as he got the chance and instead put him in a Retirement Home. Something my Grandpa never ever wanted. But everything is okay because something has to be done at my Grandpas House. That was a lie. My Parents and I didn't know about it because we're living about 7 hours away.
When my Grandpa died my mum talked to her sister that I get the Car. Everything was fine the rest of the Will will be sorted out after. When my Mum finally came down there the Car was already sold by C1. Than everything else happend. In the Will C1 did get more than my Aunt and my Mum combined. Maybe more than those two my other 2 cousins ( C2, C3) and my Brother combined. My Grandpa had a good amount of Money. But wasn't Rich. The only real Thing my Aunt and my Mom did get was my Granpas house. Found some sort of great Book of Grudge's. I didn't actually saw it. But my Mum sad there where a lot stuff in it with dates. Stuff like x had forgotten to water the plants dd.mm.yyyy. more a bunch of notes than an actual Book
Someone would maybe think that C1 wasn't that popular in the family after all this. My Aunt and her family called my mom a greedy witch. I don't know what actually happened. Only that my Mum didn't get anything more than half a house. And that the rest was more Valuable.
Later I learned C1 also did get a place of Land thats great for having Horses. C2 has Horses. So C1 let C2 rent it. And still my Mum is the bad one.
But we tried to hold the Family together. C2 started to get in some conspiracy theories. But not to deep but always annoyed for me to bringing it up. She also blocked me when I explained her why you should wear masks and get yourself vaccinated.
C3 talked to me how she isn't homophobic at all. I could hold the Hand of my Boyfriend in public, but everything more is too much. You can't expect that everyone is okay seeing something like that.
All of them never really accepted that I am on a Vegetarian diet. Its just a bit of meat just eat around it. And even when it doesn't kill you.
Also how they sometimes treat my light mentally disabled Brother. The Husband of C2 saw the the really messy Room of my Brother. Opend the Door wide and showed it his kids and told them that happens when you not clean up after yourself.
Everything happend 10 years ago. And my Parents and my brother insist to let it go. That everything is forgotten. And I shouldn't hold that grudge. Personally I would never accept any form of apology. It happened so long ago. No one apologized to anyone. Everyone just forget and moved on until the next will die and everything starts again. No bad feelings towards my Parents or my Brother. Maybe I will make it definitely clear I will never have to deal with my Cousins again.
So am I the asshole for never ever forgiving this side of the family and cutting them out of my life? | Nope. NTAH. Holding distance from people who repeatedly showed disrespect and harm, rather than a single mistake, sounds less like holding a grudge and more like choosing peace after a long pattern you didn’t create. |
PLEASE, AITAH for not wanting to hang out with an extreme introvert? | PLEASE be honest, I want the judgement.
We have a girl in our class that has extreme anxiety. She never speaks and all she does is shake. When one of my friends noticed this she took it upon herself to include the girl. My friend would hang out with her in her free time and she would include her in our friendgroup. The friend group is now me, another girl, the kind girl and the shy girl. The issue is this girl is quiet all the time and she does not speak. We try to initiate conversation but she doesn’t know how to speak with us. Shes extremely awkward and doesn’t really show much initiative. This is where I might be the a-hole. The kind girl recently stopped going to college and now it’s just me, my friend and the shy girl. All she does is quietly follow us around. Me and my friend are thinking of ways on how to funnel her into another friend group or hang out with another person because things are extremely awkward. We don’t just want to ignore her but at the same time we weren’t even the ones that wanted to include her into our friend group in the first place. I feel like an a-hole but god is it tough to try and bond with somebody that is unlike you, I don’t want to feel like a therapist all the time. I don’t want to nurture her and start conversations with her all the time and try to open her up all the time. Even right now shes standing quietly in front of me as a type, not saying a word unless I say something. Am I the a-hole and what should I do! | I watched a documentary once it was about people who were unemployable because of a disability. There was this guy who had autism. He never spoke. He was phenomenal. So the tv show got him a placement to test for errors in the code. He found an error and fixed it within 3 steps. His boss said it would have taken him days to find the error and fix it. He fixed it in minutes. Colleagues sat with him at lunch. He never spoke. They took him bowling...he didn't bowl or speak.
At the end of the placement the non verbal guy got up and had his tablet read out what he had felt by the placement. The tablet read the words 'empowering' 'accepted' 'valued' 'friends'.
There was so much going on under the surface they knew nothing about but that guy they felt was awkward, that didn't speak, they acted like he didn't care...found a community in people and felt seen and felt loved.
He got the job because he was phenomenal. But what they didn't realise until the end was that he found a community in work.
You may feel awkward but what is the harm this girl is causing? What is the damage you will cause by ditching her. Hang out with your friend and talk. Invite her. Let her shadow you around. Don't change your behaviour for her. Don't feel pressured to include her in conversation. Just let her be. Just let her be there with you. It doesn't cost you anything to be kind. It might be in time she feels better and socalises more...but i am telling you that you ditching her will cause a lot of damage. More damage then you feeling a bit awkward. |
AITAH for wanting to breakup with my boyfriend over his family? | so.. im not sure where to begin honestly. but i (19) have been together with my boyfriend, lets call him alex (19), for 1 year. i have met his family but only his parents and sister on some occasions, like brunch or dinner. it was pretty awkward but still tolerable cus yk it was still the early stages ygwim?
so one day, his fam invited me to dinner (8pm-11pm) so i finally got to meet his siblings altogether. he has 3 siblings older than him as he is the youngest, let me give u a bit of a perspective, his sister (the one above him) is 30y/o and married. his 2nd brother is 32y/o, also married. and the eldest is 34 y/o, also married. so obviously they brought their spouses to dinner, i feel like if i tell u that u can get a bit of a grasp on how it went. yes it was awkward. but the thing is, the whole night his siblings did NOT want to talk to me at all, including the spouses. so everytime i try to initiate small talk, they all didnt wanna continue or was just silent. it felt really, really uncomfortable. and not to mention i didnt even talk to his parents that much, yes we did small talk but they were all busy catching up with each other while i sat there and js ate my food. the whole night i was there i just remember talking to alex and play with his cat. it really just felt like you are just waiting for ur parents to stop talking with their friends and go home. BUT WAIT! theres more. his family wanted to have drinks outside, so we went out to get drinks. me and my bf drove there first, and got there first. we went to a restaurant and i requested for a long table that can fit around 13 people? around that yeah, then yk how if u sit a long table u try to sit at the area where the wall is and the others fill in after you? no, they sat at the edge and filled it from the right (i was at the left side) and i had to scoot over to them but because of this, i was somehow the odd one at the table like i was an extra. and still, they werent talking to me. so the whole time i was just dissociating and looking at my drink not sure what to do. after that i went home.
i asked opinions from my friends about the situation and they all told me not to get one bad experience with them change everything, thats true. but i was also invited to a gender reveal event by them and it just happened. let me tell u how it went.
so i drove for almost 2 hours to go to this event, it was held in a cinema the city. ( i live the outskirts of the city) as i arrived obviously i said hello to everyone, it went good at first, but again, his siblings didnt really wanna talk to me but his parents did. so i did feel welcome in a way. we kinda had to wait for almost 2 hours for the venue to be ready, as it had arranged seats and goodies and desserts. when it was finally time, i went in the venue last because i was at the bathroom before going in, but guess what happened! apparently they forgot to arrange a seat for me loll!! i had to sit at the very bottom of the venue as they left it empty to let everyone sit at a high view (for the screen obvi) and it was just. really awkward. obviously my boyfriend was with me at the bottom but i couldnt just help but feel very uncomfortable and unwelcomed. i was personally invited by the parents but it just felt really off. i didnt wanna blame the host that much because she was pregnant! i didnt want to stress her out as im sure it wasnt intentional. but i still felt it in the moment yk? and after the event ended i couldnt really take pictures with the host or anyone really cus they were all busy so i just said my goodbyes and left.
i dont know man, im just thinking that one day i marry this man, im gonna have to go through all the trouble of not knowing how to connect with his siblings or maybe its just my communication skills, i feel like i can do something but i dont have anything to connect with them about, as ive only entered university last year, and theyre already married with kids! im not sure what to do, can i get everyone's perspective on this? thank u in advance everyone
[EDIT]
thank u for all the responses!! i just really wanted insight on what to do as this is my first time ever being in a relationship where family is involved hahaha, ive read every single comment and for sure i will talk to my boyfriend about it first before i do anything as i really do love him. the reason why im overthinking all of this is that im just not that big of a family person, im not close with my parents at all but my boyfriend is. i think i just projected my own insecurities from the dynamic of my own family into theirs. maybe thats why im way too desperate for them to like me because mine dont lmfao. either way thank u for all the comments! <3 | You’re not obligated to stay just because nothing “bad” happened. Feeling consistently unwelcome is enough. Maybe it gets better with time, maybe not. But you’re allowed to decide this dynamic isn’t what you want long term, especially this young. |
AITAH for wanting to distance myself from my situationship due to his “mixed” signals | I need some outside opinions because my brain is looping and I don’t trust my own judgment anymore. This isn’t the usual “we act like a couple but aren’t dating” thing. It’s more like we do couple stuff, we post each other, everyone around us thinks we’re together, but we still aren’t officially dating and I’m genuinely confused.
I’m 19F and I’ve been talking to this guy 19M for a while. From early on we were constantly talking, every day till 4 am, updating each other on everything, what we were eating, what we were doing, what annoyed us, what made us happy. Fast replies, flirting almost daily, jokes, games, memes. It already felt like a relationship just based on how emotionally close we were.
We’re very open about how we feel. We’ve talked about liking each other openly and sometimes even said I love you. Nothing felt hidden emotionally.
Things moved fast but felt comfortable. On my birthday he wrote me a long handwritten letter, surprised me with a bouquet which he made himself and a cake, and made it very clear that he liked me.
Because things were moving quickly I brought up the what are we and let’s slow down talk after my birthday. We agreed not to rush labels and to take things slow (his words).
Since then things have been really good. When he gets busy he apologizes for not updating me, says he missed me, and reassures me that he doesn’t want to lose me or what we have.
He asked me out on a proper date. He picked me up, we ate at a small cozy place, talked for hours, then watched a movie. During the movie he initiated holding hands, cuddling, resting our heads on each other. It was affectionate and really really intimate but not sexual. Afterward he said he really enjoyed it and wants to go out again.
Here’s where I get confused.
Even though we agreed to take it slow he does a lot of relationship type things. He’s posted me multiple times on his story including my birthday. When I asked if I could post us he immediately said yes and reposted it with a heart. His friends joked publicly about him finally finding someone. He’s shown my pictures to his friends, his sisters know about me, and he’s even suggested matching profiles and relationship statuses in a game.
From the outside it really looks like we’re dating. No one seems confused except me. Even my friends say this isn’t a situationship anymore “you guys ARE dating”.
If it was just dates and affection I’d tell myself labels can wait. But the posting and social visibility mess with my head. He’s not hiding me at all. If anything he’s very open.
And due to us not having this “bf/gf” label, whenever he forgets to update me or just gets real busy it fucks with my head real bad.
So now I’m stuck between thinking he’s respecting the take it slow conversation and just hasn’t put a label on it yet, or wondering why someone would do all of this without saying it clearly.
Am I overthinking this or is it reasonable to feel uneasy about there still being no clear label. | You need to have a real talk about it.
Put the limits and , if he doesn't accept, then take your distance |
aitah for not responding right away? | there was this argument me (F) and my friend (also F) had a long time ago, and i genuinely think—while i could have responded better to the situation—i was not in the wrong. she, however, does not think she was wrong. if anything she thinks i was being an asshole. so now im going to let reddit decide. was i the asshole?
so one day me and my friend were texting about which fictional characters were our favorites. it was a light, casual conversation and the last thing i said was
“BUT if i had already called dibs on him he’s mine.”
which is 100% valid. then she said
“what?”
mind you, it took her like 10 minutes to respond. and while i was waiting for that message, i did the dishes. then i watched some tv and i waited for the message. like two hours later, it dawns on me that i might have missed her message, and as i pick up my phone to check, i get a message from her.
“uhm genuine question, do you just love to ignore me or do you just like to piss me off.”
her exact words, btw. i was confused and also a little upset that her response to the situation was so negative. i said
“bro i didnt see the message. believe it or not i can actually set my phone down.”
i was upset because her reaction, in my opinion, was completely uncalled for. i said
“overreaction 500”
because i thought it was funny and i didnt want to let this ruin my day. she responded by saying
“it’s not an overreaction your just a shit friend.”
it took me a minute to process what she said because i couldn’t believe how heated she was getting over a genuine mistake.
i actually did not mean to leave her on delivered, and i explained this to her the best i could, but she wouldn't listen and kept saying i was a terrible friend and i was annoying and i was lying to her because i texted a group chat but not her. yes, i did text a group chat. that was because i got a direct question that my other friend needed to know about a party i was hosting and when she should arrive. the friend i was arguing with kept saying that what she said was equally as important and her feelings were more valuable. i hadnt even seen what she said to me when i was messaging the gc. and the one thing she asked was “what?”
was/am i an asshole for not replying soon enough and considering out conversation not as important | Girl bye I’d be ignoring her toxic ass on purpose to piss her off. NTA |
AITAH for talking to my cousins ex boyfriend | Hi! This is my first time posting and I’m not sure how to format this, please be nice lol. I, 17F and my cousin, 16F are pretty close. We grew up together and our families are also very close. Lily has always been the one to be over the top and is why I need unbiased advice on this situation.
To give a bit of back story my cousin, let’s call Lily, dated a guy in my grade around 2 years ago. I was never close to him but growing up in a small town I’ve always known him. They broke up about a year ago and it was a very bad break up. Just immature in my opinion, no good reason for it. To this day they still dislike each other though.
Fast forward to now. Lily’s ex has been texting me and I’ve started to really like him. We are supposed to hangout tomorrow and everybody in school knows already. She found out that we were talking and flipped out on me. Her family knows and my mom decided to bring it up with lily’s parents and they are pissed at me too.
I don’t want lily or her family to hate me. I can see her side of course but would i be the a-hole to continue talking to him or is it not that deep?
| YTA. Dating/talking to your close cousin’s ex is messy in a small town, and you knew it would blow up. If you value the family relationship, back off and find someone else. |
AITAH for giving my Disney+ account to a female friend after taking space from my best friend who is now in a relationship? | I(20M) have had a very close friendship with my best friend (F22)for about 5–6 years.
We were never officially a couple, but the friendship was emotionally intense at times. At one point, we were very close to becoming something more, but she ultimately decided to pursue a relationship with another guy. I accepted that and told her clearly that I would step back emotionally and stop acting like a “boyfriend,” since she chose someone else.
During this time, i took some distance for myself. She didn‘t like that.
While we were on that distance, a female friend of mine asked if she could use my Disney+ account. I don’t use it much, so I said yes. There was no romantic or emotional intent, no flirting, no dates, no ongoing deep conversations — just giving login details. That’s it.
When She found out, she completely blew up and said:
I betrayed her
My actions showed she was “replaceable”
That I hurt her the same way I had years ago in unrelated situations
That this was enough reason to cut off contact entirely
This confused me a lot, because:
She is currently in a relationship
She had previously told me that if I ever had female friends it would be okay
I had already stepped back emotionally after she chose someone else
I wasn’t acting like her partner anymore on purpose
Despite this, she reacted as if I had cheated on her, even though we are not together and she has a boyfriend.
Now she says I should have “stood my ground” and said no to my friend if she really mattered to me — while at the same time saying we are just best friends and that she chose someone else.
I genuinely didn’t think giving Disney+ access to a friend during a period of distance would be such a big issue.
So, AITA for giving my coworker access to my Disney+ account and not seeing this as a betrayal?
TL;DR
My best friend (who is now in a relationship) cut off contact with me after I gave my Disney+ account to a female friend while we were on distance. She says it proves I replaced her. I see it as a harmless, platonic favor. AITA?
| You need better friend cause that one is just hurting your feelings. |
AITAH for asking my husband for a divorce after finding out he was still talking to his high school lover? | I found out my husband was still in contact with his high school girlfriend. This wasnt the first time. Every time I found out before, he promised me he would block her and stop talking to her.
He promised me 3 different times that he had cut off contact. I believed him each time and tried to move on because I wanted my marriage to work.
Recently, I found out he never actually stopped. They were still talking like nothing ever changed. When I confronted him, he said it didnt mean anything and that they’re just friends.
For me the problem isnt just that he talked to her. It’s the lying. He broke the same promise over and over and over again even after I made it very clear this was a boundary for me.
Because of that, I asked for a divorce. Now everyone keeps saying divorce isnt the solution, but being disrespected over and over isnt either.
So AITA for wanting a stop to the dramas | NTA.
It is YOUR relationship. Do not listen to outsiders that don’t know how YOU felt when he disrespected you.
He broke the promises over and over. Nothings changed . |
AITAH for getting mad at my bf for saying sexist(?) things | for some reason me and my bf randomly got into talking about feminism and blah blah and he likes rage baiting me by saying ‘independent career driven women’ are weird. i know he’s joking when he says that so i just laugh it off but then i was joking saying im a misandrist and i don’t like men. he started talking about how men are more important than women in society and ‘professional roles’ or whatever and that women aren’t better than men in anything, basically calling them useless and saying they’re only good for familial roles???? i got offended bc how can u even think to say that to me that’s like the biggest red flag i’ve seen from him but idk maybe im being dramatic | NTA | Thats a major red flag, consider finding a new bf |
WIBTAH if I gave my fiancé an ultimatum? | I want to preface this by saying that my (26 F; autistic) fiancé (26 M; ADHD) of 4 years is an incredible person, like genuinely so kind and would do anything for anyone.
In February last year, we moved out of his parents house and into a flat on our own. The issue is that he can't make a single decision for himself and essentially asks me questions on how to do the most basic of things. I feel like I am his mother rather than his partner. I know this is unkind because it's not fully his fault (his parents did everything for him when he lived with them rather than showing/letting him do it), but he is a full-grown adult now, and I feel the lack of initiative to learn how to do these things himself is almost laziness. He also has memory issues so I find that I'm reminding him 3-5 times to do very important things (e.g., changing his address on his driving license, changing doctors surgeries, paying his car tax etc.) and he leaves it so long that I end up doing it myself.
I feel myself getting angrier and angrier at him everyday, begging him to please just make a decision for himself or reminding him every couple of hours to do tasks but he just can't seem to do anything without asking me how first, if he remembers to do it in the first place. I've learnt how to do everything on my own with no help from anyone else. I feel like a terrible person for feeling this way towards him but I'm drained. I'm a full-time uni student studying a masters as well as working and when I get home, I just want to relax and switch my brain off, but I never can. Would I be an asshole to give him a set period of time to sort himself out or I will leave? I really do love him, but I feel like I'm losing myself. Any advice will be appreciated. | NTA. You’re his fiancé, not his babysitter. If he’s unable or unwilling to be an equal partner for you, then he’s not a good fit. |
AITAH for hanging out with my “best friends” ex | so for background information this is my childhood best friend, 10+ years at this point. she’s never been a very good friend, we’ve fell out many’s of times over the years especially over men. she was always a bit boy crazy and she never wanted to hang out if boys weren’t involved or she’d forget about me whenever shed think she found “a good guy“ but hit me up later on when they started having issues and she needed a getaway or cover up for cheating on said guys.
anyways, her most serious ex relationship i would’ve NEVER thought to hang out with, let alone have any interest just as i did with the rest i even turned him down when he had first messaged me that was until she admitted she had sex with my first body & guy that took advantage of me (she knew) & i flew off the rails i didn’t care, her and i weren’t even friends at this point in time sure we hung out little feelings happened, things happened etc. but once we became friends again i immediately cut that situation off Months ago, she got back with him & found out everything just recently . we no longer speak. i feel terrible and part of me misses her but maybe this all happened for a reason. | Light ETA we all have those moments. Some friendships dont last. Ive had that friend thats in their own world before and it just sizzled out, I felt like they never hmu to just say “how ya doing?” Yk |
WIBTAH if I told my friend to stop venting to me about sex? | I don't think he's going to see this. I have a friend who I've been talking to for over a year now, and we've both been helping out each other a lot in things. Most of the time, he's extremely respectful about it, and he sometimes says I'm better than his actual therapist. (I don't know if I should be concerned on that.)
Recently, he's developed a crush on this girl, (Not using names so we'll call B.) He tells me about his experiences with B, and how he thinks she's attractive. I don't have an issue with it, and I do like it when he tells me these stories, but recently, his attraction to her shifted into more of a sexual way. Now he's been venting to me about masturbation, and how he can't stop pleasing himself. This bothers me for a couple reasons.
Firstly, I used to struggle with the same problem, and it reminds me of it. Back then I didn't have anyone to help me with it. Plus, unlike how I was, he doesn't seem to be too ashamed about it, (Besides for the religious aspect.)
Secondly, I don't have any advice for him left, I've given him things to look into, tips to sleeping better, and the safest environment I could. He just won't take any of it, and I'm trying my best.
Third, he makes jokes about how he's "Not going to ask first," which bothers me because I have female friends that went through SA.
Finally, he doesn't seem to care about the girls he likes romantically or by their personality anymore. B, (The girl he really likes,) has had several boyfriends, sometimes more than one at a time, and has dated people way older than her, she has also posted thirst traps on TikTok, wanting attention from men. He also likes one of B's friends, C. C is extremely mean to me, has bullied me about my family, weight, and more things I couldn't control like she could. She's also bullied my friends, and he knows about this. All he's thinking about is her ass.
Would it make me a bad friend if I were to ask him to not talk to me about this? Be honest with me. | You need to learn to say, "Woah, TMI. No one wants to hear that shit." Then change the topic. And, "Don't say fucked up shit like that." Then lecture on consent. And then there's, "I'm not hanging out with C. I have better things to do with my time." Then do something without them.
Now he'll respect it and problem solved, or he'll have a fit and ditch you as a friend, problem solved. Start standing up for yourself. Not all friendahips are meant to last. Maybe it's time you found better friends. |
AITAH for deleting a hookup chat and ignoring the guy after I told him I was done? | I (28F) hooked up with a guy (28M) recently. It was purely casual.
Afterward I decided I did not want to continue because the sex was honestly terrible. So I told him:
“Hi. Sorry. I won’t do hookups anymore.”
He asked why. Then he followed up asking if we could meet “one last time,” even casually adding that we would not just have sex, we would smoke too. (I was always the one bringing the smoke (well, in the two times that we met)). I did not reply because I did not want to discuss it further.
A few days later he called me a couple of times. I still did not respond.
I also deleted our Telegram secret chat where I had sent him private photos. I did not tell him beforehand. I just wanted everything gone from my end for privacy and peace of mind.
He must have noticed because he posted an Instagram note saying “I will never recover from this.” Then he texted me “Ok. Sorry for bothering. Have a great life.”
It felt passive aggressive and like he wanted to guilt me even though it was a casual hookup.
So AITA for deleting the chat and not replying after I already said I was done?
TLDR: Told a hookup I was not doing hookups anymore. Ignored him when he pushed for “one last time.” Deleted our chat for privacy. He got dramatic. AITA? | NTA, you don't owe that man anything. You didn't vibe, said you were done, and he didn't respect that. |
AITAH for not feeling bad because I screamed at a possible homeless man in walmart? | I personally don’t think I am because of the situation. I, 18F simply wanted to get a pink toothbrush case from Walmart. My grandma drove me to Walmart and I told her to stay in the car since it was going to just be a quick run in and out thing. Anyways I walk to the toothpaste/brush isle and I see a homeless looking guy. Immediately I feel uneasy but I just tell myself to be quick. I walk past him and he leans towards me and goes: “haaaaiiii” with a weird and very creepy smile.
This spooks me so I leave the section and walk away briskly and then I turn around and go back and as I’m reaching one end of the aisle I see him on the other end still smiling at me creepily. I immediately turn to the right and he follows me on the opposite side of the aisle. ATP my heart rate is so high and I feel myself shaking. I’m majorly creeped out rn.
I see a Walmart employee and I tell her “there’s this guy who’s being really creepy and I think he’s following me around.” I describe him to her and point him out and she’s very nice and tells me, “ok let’s just get you your toothbrush case and get away ok?” I say “ok” and we go to get my case. I thank her and she leaves and the second she walks off I see HIM on the opposite side of the aisle- and here’s where it got terrifying.
BRO BEGINS TO SPRINT TOWARDS ME WITH HIS CREEPY SMILE. Full on SPRINTS towards me and before he could get 2 steps in I immediately SCREAM at him and yell, “HEY. DO NOT COME ANY CLOSER.” There was a woman in that same aisle and I scared that poor girl but when I screamed at him he seemed to look nervous so I thought he might leave me alone. (WRONG. And I didn’t want to make eye contact with the creep cuz ik ur not supposed to when people act that way but u know instinct takes over and I kept looking over my shoulder to see if he was still there- which he was and he was still staring and smiling.)
I grab the employee again and tell her what happens so she walks me to checkout and gets a security guy?? Idk he wasn’t in uniform but I told him the whole situation and described him. As we r literally conversing, the guy walks past us and both me and the employee points him out and he’s still STARING AND SMILING AT ME LIKE AN ABSOLUTE CREEP. The Walmart employee is like, “I don’t like the way he’s looking at you.” The security guy was like “ok I’m going to go see the security footage” (idrk why he didn’t do anything when he literally was witnessing the guy being a creep but my brain was just telling me to get out of there.) And I told the Walmart employee my grandma is right onside so she walks me out to get to my grandmas vehicle. She was very helpful, very kind, and took the situation seriously. I really hope that guy was escorted out or arrested and gets the help he needs because that was terrifying. But anyway, AITAH? | NTA. Basic security guards have to do a lot of cya but if there is a law enforcement officer doing a side gig, they are licensed by the state and have more protections and authority. |
AITAH for wanting to distance myself from some family members because I feel angry and resentful? | I (21F) am considering distancing myself from certain family members, but I’m unsure if I’m justified or if I'm being ungrateful and emotional.
Growing up, I was considered an easy child. I didn’t cause problems, didn’t ask for much, and was often the one keeping the peace emotionally with family. Because of that, I think a lot of my needs were overlooked. I was expected to be mature, understanding, and emotionally available from a young age, and I took on responsibilities that probably weren’t mine.
Nothing extreme happened, and from the outside, my family seems normal and functional. But emotionally, I often felt unseen. When I struggled, it was minimized or brushed off, and I learned pretty quickly that expressing anger or hurt wasn’t welcome. Over time, I started assuming the problem was me, that I was too sensitive or expecting too much.
Now that I’m older, I’m realizing how much resentment I’m carrying. These same dynamics still exist, and I feel expected to stay quiet, grateful, and emotionally available. I’m angry about how much I gave just to be “easy,” and how little emotional support I felt in return.
I feel a lot of guilt even thinking about pulling back. I do love my family, and I don’t think they meant to hurt me. Other people have been through much worse, and I wasn’t abused in any obvious way. But staying close also feels like it keeps reopening old feelings and reinforces the idea that my needs don’t matter.
I’m not trying to punish anyone. I’m just tired of turning the anger inward and blaming myself for things I couldn’t control. I can’t tell if wanting distance is a form of self-protection or if I’m just avoiding hard emotions and being unfair.
So… AITAH for wanting to distance myself from family who were likely doing their best, or am I wrong for expecting more emotionally? | NTA you don’t need an excuse to distance, if they haven’t been fixing that issue with you, then why bother? if it’s a gradual distance, the ones who are more worth keeping around would probably notice and either ask you about it, or would try and fix some things |
AITAH for refusing to comply when a man shouted, threatened me, and gathered a mob over public parking? | I 23(F) regularly go to a library with my younger brother to study. At night it is cold, so we usually take a car.
The library is inside a house, but the house owner and the library owner are different people.
The library owner rents space from the house owner.
Students pay the library owner, not the house owner.
I had never interacted with the house owner before this incident.
In front of the library is a public park, and outside that is a public road where people normally park. There are no no parking signs, no gates, and no markings for private parking. We usually park there for two to three hours and then leave.
A few days before the main incident, an elderly woman who lives opposite side of the park confronted me very rudely, asking who I was and why I was parking there. She claimed the park and road belonged to them and said hawk police told them not to allow strangers to park which is a bluff because police obviously have better things to do . She was shouting at me so i told her to speak calmly .
I told her it is a public space and i can speak to the police if they ever question and inform them about our schedule. Even then, to avoid conflict, I moved my car elsewhere.
A few days later, I parked in the same public spot again.
As soon as my brother and I were getting out of the car, the woman’s adult son (mid 30’s)came out and started shouting immediately. There was no polite request at all. From the very first moment, he was aggressive and loud.
He said things like he would end me, that he would follow me to my house, and told me to get out of there. So my brother immediately started to record all this on his phone .
I tried to deescalate and told him calmly that we are all adults and there is no need to shout, and that we can talk respectfully. He refused to talk to me and instead kept arguing with my younger brother, saying he would talk to him because he is a man. I kept telling him to talk to me since I am the elder sibling.
His mother joined in and started verbally abusing me, calling me a worthless girl and using other degrading language. At one point, the man made dehumanizing sounds at me like calling a dog, made obscene gestures, and continued threatening us.
Instead of showing any proof that the area was private property, he started calling neighbors and gathered around ten to fifteen people, clearly trying to intimidate us and create a mob. No one tried to stop him or deescalate the situation. All of them were supporting him , abusing us . Even though i was repeatedly telling them that it’s is a public place and we are just students who come here to study and then leave .
Throughout all this, I stayed calm. I did not shout or abuse anyone. I kept repeating just one thing. If this is private property, please show proof and I will move immediately.
Eventually, the person who manages the library came out and asked me to move my car just to deescalate the situation. I agreed, parked far away, and went inside to study.
A few minutes later, the house owner, who is not the library owner and not the person I pay, came out and publicly told me and my brother not to come back the next day and never return. This was said in front of other students.
I asked for my money back since I was being told not to return. He behaved very rudely, mocked me, and told me to shut up in a condescending manner. Told me to not answer him back as I’m a girl . I had no prior interaction or agreement with this person.
I came home , told my dad whole incident .
Later, when my father spoke to the actual library owner, his tone completely changed. He said he did not want my studies disturbed, claimed it was a misunderstanding, and even asked me to come back, which made it clear that the earlier aggression and banning were unnecessary.
I keep wondering if I could have avoided all of this by just moving my car immediately.
But the thing is, he did not ask. He demanded, shouted, threatened, and demeaned me from the very beginning.
If he had politely asked me to move my car, I genuinely would have done so without any issue.
So, AITAH for not immediately moving my car when a man aggressively demanded it, even though the spot was public? | Couldn't you have called the cops? |
AITAH for "not listening" to my friend? | A month ago, me and my friend group decided to invite each other out to a party room to celebrate two of our friends' birthday. Another friend and I both decided that we'd meet at 10am — Pretty early, but we decided that so we could have more time to do other things after our time at the party room was over.
When we first told everyone the details, one of our friends— Let's call her Emily, simply sent a "WHY SO EARLY" in the group chat. She always sent that when we were planning meet ups, but she never really had any problems, so we didn't think much about it. She even asked us if she should bring her polaroid camera along with her. Until the day before our hang out.
At 11pm, Emily suddenly started to rant in the group chat how she never wanted to meet at 10am, complaining how it was too early and no one had listened to her when she told us multiple times how she didn't want to; When I reread the conversation starting from when we told everyone, I could only recall back to the "WHY SO EARLY" message and that was it— No DM or anything, just one "WHY SO EARLY". In addition, we never met up in real life until the planned hang out we had, so we couldn't have missed anything she said in person. We could've asked the party room manager if we could change the time if we knew, but we really had no idea. I tried to explain but she kept attacking us; I felt cornered and didn't have the courage to tell her the reason why we picked such an early time, because I knew she wouldn't listen. She always went all attack mode when things like this happened, we try to explain and calm her down but she doesn’t listen to us and keeps saying how everyone doesn’t care about her when we do. In the end, she said she would still show up since she didn't want to seem like a dick for not showing up at the only time we decided to celebrate one of our friends' birthday (which is not true, i don’t know why she said that), when we planned this hang out to celebrate hers' as well. (But honestly, it seemed like she didn’t know that it was for her too when we also asked her for opinions on what activities she wanted to do)
On the day of our hang out, everyone arrived on time except for Emily. When we called her to confirm she was still coming, she told us that she wasn't coming and that she's taking a break from us because we never gave her any sympathy in the past; Said we didn't listen to her when she spoke up and we pretended it never happened when she brought it up again, accusing us of thinking that she was "throwing tantrums" and "she never had a valid reason for crashing out". I truly don't think that; But before any of us could respond, she left the group chat and unfriended everyone.
It's been almost a month since it happened, and I'm admittedly still kind of upset and angry about the situation. Some of our friends have already decided if she ever comes back they won’t welcome her anymore as this has happened way too many times in the past. I don't think I'm entirely at fault, I know I should’ve asked more clearly— But the things she said are making me feel like that I'm a narcissist and I really should’ve done better as the planner; If I am, I want someone from outside this situation to tell me and I'll correct my ways if this ever happens again.
EDIT: I reread the conversation again and I realised she was never going to say no with what we planned, even if we asked everyone if they were okay with it because she didn’t want to seem like a jerk, then blamed us for not listening… i don’t know how to feel about that. | NTA. Narcissists love telling you that you’re the narcissist. DARVO (Deny Attack Reverse Victim Order.) If you’re worried about being self centered then you’re likely not a narcissist. This all could have been resolved with better communication. She needed to speak up about truly not liking the time and asked for a compromise. Now that you know shes really vague and wishy washy you can be sure to ask the group if everyone likes the plan. Honestly her blocking all of you is a blessing in disguise. |
AITAH if I responded to a relative in this way? | So i'm going somewhere with my parent, but they told me the way I responded to them was rude or disrespectful.
So she was looking at specific times we can go to a certain place, but the times that are available only took place during the night. She was saying it in a tone of voice where it was complaining or a bit irritated and frusturated.
I then told her, "you don't have to go if you don't want to since you're complaining," mind you I was also a bit irritated because she was irritated about it, and that I also did not mind if she did not go with me to this event. Also I started to ask if there were other alternative places for the event, but she responded in a irritated way and said there are none.
But then they started saying the way I executed my words were disrespectful.
I dont know what to say since this is truly how I felt and my words immediately came out of my mouth. | My guess is she was irritated at the way you put it, can you remember your exact words? |
Aitah for ending this or is this how a normal relationship is?? | Hi reddit
I (29f) am currently just over 1 week post breakup from my ex (28m) after a rather traumatic experience and I'm left wondering whether I was in the wrong or whether I dodged a bullet.
For context, my partner let's call him Jack, and I, were together just over 2 years in total. I am anxious attached leaning secure -if I feel safe (I have been in a 7 year relationship prior which for the most part was relatively healthy). Jack, i think is fearful avoidant but has anxiety and I think he leans anxious attached, although I believe has real trouble committing.
We met in Australia which is where I lived for 11 years since coming out on a gap year at 17. He was out there on his gap year, it was the happiest start of a relationship for the first 6 months. Completely head over heels in love. There were a few things I couldn't wrap my head around like he would occasionally spend a whole day/night in his room and wouldn't hear from him. I was also going through a separation of buying my house from my previous ex who I had split with 9 months prior, but Jack and I were good and decided to move back to UK together. (We both grew up in the uk so both our families were living there).
Fast forward to 7 months in and I start to see some cracks, we had left my house in Aus and were couch surfing just waiting to move back to uk, sold everything and it was quite stressful, we started bickering and my mood was up and down then I realised I was pregnant. Straight away we both agreed it was too soon, in hindsight I feel I rushed this decision but he was quite clear he wanted the abortion. Mid abortion I had cervical shock and collapsed, he found me unconscious and rushed me to hospital, I was ok but he said he needed a bit of space, 2 days later (which was also a week before we were meant to fly home and start a life together) he woke me up and said he couldn't do it and he needed to go and look after himself and he was having a breakdown and ended the relationship. He flew home that day. He cut all contact. A week later I flew home to my mums as I already had the flight booked and just needed her support.
I was completely depressed, my body was in shock and all over the place from the abortion pill, I couldn't leave bed for a month and started having panic attacks, I have never had/known anxiety before this but mental health problems incl depression and anxiety do run in my family and my mum is a psychiatrist. I went on sertraline and started seeing a therapist.
Just over a month later, Jack reaches out asking if I'm ok, we chat and go over everything on text, he says the relationship didn't feel right and he was unsure and that my moods/snapping weren't ok and I didn't hold a safe space for him to open up.
Jack is a lovely man but to his own detriment, he is a big people pleaser and never says things in fear of hurting people, I had no idea he was close to breakdown and everytime I asked if he was ok he would say 'I'm fine'.
We eventually decide to make it work again, work on ourselves and rebuild.
In the month apart he had slept with someone and admitted this the day after we decided to make it work, I asked who and he said a random drunk one night stand who he didn't know.
We both move to a town where he went to university and I had some friends. We lived seperately, and he still needed lots of space, he would go back to his home town almost every week/weekend, especially as he worked half way inbetween. We were both dealing with anxiety, and when he had an anxious episode he would say he was having doubts, I'd try and hold the space but it would rock me inside. I was still going to therapy and he went to a couple sessions himself but never liked the therapists.
We would spend most nights together when he was in town and eventually things started getting a bit better, especially as my anxiety was less with sertraline. Our communication seemed better and we would have lengthy conversations if things were bothering us.
I was still really working on not being too moody especially pmd, and being a safe space for him, and I really worked on not raising my voice or snapping. I was still quite needy and felt it difficult that he had lots of space including him going on nights out/boys nights or back to his home town. In hindsight I still felt quite unsafe. I did get jealous sometimes and tried to bring this up in a kind way with 'I feel' and not attacking, but it always made him shut down.
We had lovely times together and we both shared lots of hobbies and we had good flowing conversations. He wasn't great at texting and I probably needed that too much.
He admitted about 6 months in from starting over that he was addicted to porn, it was only when things got hard and I could tell because he stopped wanting to be physical with me. But I really tried to create a safe space and let him know I was there for him and we would work through it. It did make me anxious but I knew that would make him shutdown about it.
When things were good they were good, but it was a bit rocky and he would have doubts, I was emotional. Then about 8 months in we were at a festival and a random girl runs upto me drunk and tells me that in the month apart, the girl he slept with was a previous Fling just before he moved to Aus, and still a close friend in his home town. I was distraught, and said I didn't know if I could do it as he lied to me... he apologies prefusely for not telling me and said it was a mistake and he basically slept with her, had a panic attack and realised he messed up and that's when he reached out to work it out with me. we decided to push through it. He was very open with me around her if we all hung out and if they ever messaged he would tell me. She new about me as did all his friends and I also became very close with his family.
It shattered my trust again and I worked really hard on rebuilding it, he was very affectionate and would always say he loved me, he wouldn't really talk about the future too much, but eventually we agreed to move in together back in his home town. It was something I really wanted to do as I love it there but I had already built a community in this new place so was hard to leave.
In the months leading up to it, I would get triggered and ask if he definitely wanted me too move with him and I would need extra reassurance.. I think because of what happened last time we were meant to move in together. He kept reassuring me but I could tell it was getting to him. I was being extra needy and picking little bickers over silly things. My anxiety was a bit worse. If I said I needed reassurance about moving or something, he would reassure me but shutdown slightly.
Fast forward to a month prior to us moving in together, it's Christmas holidays and he's so exhausted from work (and probably me). I then got the sad news that my father passed away. We had seen him only 2 weeks before. I was numb, and was at jacks parents when I found out. He was lovely and came to my mums for the weekend with all my family, Jack went home for a week and then we flew to morrocco together for a week with some friends (he had invited last minute). The holiday wasn't relaxing at all and I was a bit of a mess and Jack was people pleasing everyone and didn't get any rest. We then go home for Christmas apart and my dads funeral was two days after Boxing Day. I tried organising plans for Jack to get to mine as we were all driving up for the funeral which was 7 hours north. He didn't really organise the plans and would always dodge the questions but kept saying 'I'll be there don't worry'. Boxing Day he went out all day with his mates drinking in the freezing cold. I later that night, asked him what his plan was as my family needed to organise it and it was all quite chaotic, the plans had changed, Jack then goes quiet and isn't answering my calls, an hour later he says he's had a breakdown and will talk to me the next day.
He messaged me the next day saying how he feels pressured and won't have any rest before starting work the week later, and won't have any space to decompress as I'm meant to be moving in with him the following week.
I could tell by his message he didn't want to come although he didn't outright say it, so I just said I felt let down but didn't have the energy to organise it, if he doesn't want to come no pressure.
He then texts and says he's not coming, he will support me emotionally over text but not physically at the funeral.
I then called him begging him to come as I realised i wouldn't be able to mend one more breach of trust, he just said he's made his decision and he's not coming. He was in massive overwhelm and said some pretty hurtful things like he's unsure again and needs to look after himself.
The funeral was horrendous, I was having constant panic attacks.
I get home and he had been apologising prefusely and wanted to meet up to talk and said he loves me, he's still unsure but we would be ok.
I wanted it to work but then I realised I Couldn't get passed that he wasn't at dads funeral and that he's unsure of me, so I ended it.
He was really upset and said I didn't take accountability for my part in pushing him to breaking point. And that we both hurt eachother.
We have gone no contact and I'm so sad. The good times were really good. I know for a fact he wouldn't cheat or do anything malicious, but his anxiety causes him to go into these big avoidant overwhelm states where he can't see the wood for the trees and his actions really hurt. I know he loved me, and I was his most serious relationship, I have heard he was a complete mess over the weekend of the funeral.
I messaged His ex who told me he struggled to commit to her and 2 years in didn't see a future with her - so I know he gets scared of commitment. She also said he struggles with regulating his emotions and reckons he's undiagnosed adhd.
I'm so so confused as I didn't see the breakdown coming and when we were good we were really good. | You seem to have a lot of empathy and compassion which also seems to make you excuse and tolerate poor situations. Being thoughtful and fair and giving the benefit of the doubt is commendable, but can also be draining. It’s good to be able to analyse a situation but you seem to use therapeutic speak and analysis to rationalise and diagnose things, to your detriment. Additionally, much of it is supposition. In many instances he didn’t even have to give excuses for his behaviour because you created your own excuses on his behalf, all the while suppressing your own needs, emotions and feelings to make him feel okay. You didn’t want to be too much for him. Meanwhile he didn’t make an equal amount of allowances for you.
You have been through so much. Sometimes you just need to focus on yourself and take care of your own issues and your own mental health and exhaustion, and let the other person figure out their own issues and handle them independently.
Your ex sounds quite exhausting and seems to have many demons. You needed to let him go. He requires more energy than you should have to give. He needs serious therapy and to take responsibility for the path of wreckage he creates and leaves behind. NTA |
AITAH for not giving money to a relative in medical emergency? | One of my relatives asked me for 3 lakhs INR for a medical emergency. I was shocked because they had recently borrowed money for another medical issue.
I can arrange the money, but I would need it back. In the past, my close family members have lent them money, and none of it was ever returned. They have two adult kids (25 and 28) who don’t earn yet. The father survives on a pension, and I later found out they had received a large retirement amount that is now gone.
I didn’t say no directly but told them I can’t give the full amount. I feel guilty, but I also can’t afford to lose 3 lakhs. Now they’re saying, “You said you’d take care of everything,” which I never did I only said we’d see what could be done.
I know this is a real emergency, and they do need help. I can give some money, but not the full amount. I don’t want to see them suffer, but I also don’t want to lose the money or damage the relationship. | IF this relative already has an unpaid debt to you (and apparently others), there's no reason to give them more. Also, the explanation is easy: "I love you and want to help, but you don't repay people when you say you will, and I'm not in a financial position to give this as a gift".
It's tough when it involves a medical emergency, but the problems here didn't just crop up. There's a history behind it, probably involving bad spending habits.
NTA. |
aitah for yelling at my bf abt drug use | M16 started smoking weed a lot more lately. and it’s been bugging me bc of my past relationships with just bums. i fell in love with this sober awesome funny guy. now i smoke weed but i’ve been sober bc of school a while ago i F17 brought up the idea of tripping for an art project. and he flipped his shit. he would always get mad at me for wanting to trip so i stopped. now tonight like. 4 months after his last freak out abt me tripping he texted me he wants to trip and i’m disappointed. i’m disgusted. he literally yelled at me for wanting to trip now he’s turning into someone i don’t recognize and telling me he wants to trip. i yelled at him and now i wont talk to him. i know it seems like a small deal but i dated bums my whole life now i see him turning into one and that was the final straw. i’m really upset but idk if im the asshole | Also, ya'll are minors. Drugs are so destructive. |
AITAH for refusing to hug my own mother? |
Some context, I am a 35 year old female and my mother is 60. We are both Mexican-Americans so the tradition of greeting people with a hug and a kiss on the cheek is ingrained in our culture.
Growing up, I have never been a fan of this. Being forced to physically greet people never came easy to me. I honestly don’t know why I don’t feel comfortable doing that. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that it’s OK to not want to have any physical contact with people. So you can imagine how this has been complicated as I’ve gotten more comfortable advocating for myself.
But if you know anything about Mexican culture, this is something to be frowned upon. Having your own agency and advocating for yourself is considered a negative trait. (a much longer story for another day)
Another thing to know is that the relationship between me and my mom has not been the healthiest. I am pretty sure she has some sort of resentment against me. Being the eldest daughter has its own struggles. Iykyk
With all that being said, last night I visited my parents and my mom demanded a hug from me. I finally stood my ground and said I don’t feel comfortable doing that. I did not raise my voice. I presented it to her very calmly and gave her time to talk. She got so offended that she locked herself in her room the entire time I was there. My sister and dad didn’t seem all that phased because this is something she regularly does when she does not get her way. She is very immature.
In the past, when we greet each other, she forces a hug and kisses me on the cheek. And I just stand there while it happens. This has been going on for a few decades at this point.
Ever since I was dating my husband, my mom would ask him if I ever hug him or show any type of physical affection. He reassure her that I do. But my mom doesn’t believe him and she feels sorry for him. Always making me out to be the villain. In reality, I have no problem hugging my husband. In fact, I am very much attached to him and lovley touch him anytime I can.
Which makes me wonder why I cannot do the same for other people. Is it simply because I think it’s empty to physically greet somebody? Or, to go back to the original question, because I just don’t feel any affection towards my own mother?
Another thing to add is that right now my husband and I are renting a home from my parents. And any interaction I have with her is like walking on eggshells because I have such a fear of one day her just snapping and wanting to evict us for no particular reason. We are currently renting month-to-month, but my mother refuses to sign any paperwork stating that. (I know this is not good on all fronts but that’s a problem for another post)
Which brings me to this question, am I being asshole for not physicality greeting my mother? | Sooo, I come from a similar background, so I feel for you a bit. My mom was the strong, conservative, religious, rancher type, she left home at 14.
Anyway, I think you should go to therapy. The fact that you can easily show physical affection for one side of the family but specifically not the other suggests there’s a broken relationship there.
Even though I went to therapy, there are still things I don’t like to do with my mom. To be honest, I don’t really talk to her unless she reaches out first. Before therapy, I would just ignore her. I ignored her for six years after leaving home.
In therapy, I learned that maybe she is the way she is because that’s how she coped with her own trauma, and she may have genuinely believed that her approach was what I needed to “grow up” the right way.
I talk to her now because I’m empathetic to what she likely doesn’t even recognize in herself, but I’m more cautious. I step away when it feels appropriate. |
AITAH for being the reason a girl lost her friends after exposing her to them? | this is my first post because i watch smosh read reddit stories and thought i could come see how people think of this, im also a rambler so this might be confusing.
I (17f) am a junior in high school, i am the second oldest of four kids, my youngest brother, well call him jay for this, is thirteen and in seventh grade. My family has always had suspicions that jay was gay, he was always really sassy and flamboyant, he would steal mine and my sisters princess dresses and makeup, and my whole family is completely accepting of this and now at 13 he knows he likes boys.
Now moving on to my “friend” ill call her may(18f) she and i were friends for a year before things started to change about her, she started thinking it was funny to yell at strangers and make fun of them in public, home wreck relationships, and go as far as to start saying slurs. I have really strong morals and have voiced that i dont like it and eventually we drifted. She became friends with a girl who has quite the reputation for being problematic, ill call her kate(16f).
may wants to be an influencer and has 20k followers on tiktok. She went live with kate and started prank calling numbers people put in chat. For more context may loved jay so much and had his number, earlier i found out she was talking about me behind my back and her apology included,”wait but will jay still have taylor swift singalongs with me 🥺” like girl you are half a decade older than him goodbye.. Anyways they prank called my little brother and called him a plethora of homophobic slurs until he said “may i know its you” they ended the call and the live immediately.
When i was told this happened i texted may and said what i needed to say, she continued to throw kate under the bus(granted kate was the one saying it but may encouraged it and was laughing along) i got half assed insincere apologies and so did jay. kates apology was the worst, she texted jay and said “sorry for calling you a (f slur) man, i didnt know it was u 😥” which pissed me off even more, so when school came around i told my friends about it, who told more people.
Most of kates friends are gay and when they heard they havent talked to her since this incident. Ive talked about it a good amount for a few days after because she disrespected my brother and blew it off so yes i was dragging it on for a few days.She went around calling me names for not forgiving her and telling her friends what kind of person she is, so i sent her a dm and confronted her. Everyone told me i shouldve been meaner but im not the type to get into drama so i was blunt with it but respectful (in my opinion) but now shes saying such disrespectful things about me. She sits alone at lunch or goes to a classroom during it now and im not sure if im the asshole, honestly even if i am i dont feel bad. She did that to herself she should learn not to harass little boys on the internet. But does me telling people about it make me an a-hole?
Edit: I dont know how to use reddit tbh i wanted to submit a screenshot of what i said to her but i cant so ill copy and paste
“This is (my name) I'm not saying much to you because this is going on for too long and I'm quite literally sick of it.
YOU called my brother a slur, whether you knew it was him or not whether you called him one or just said he sounded like one none the less it's offensive do not downplay the way you made my entire family feel. You do not have the right to feel upset that I did not forgive you, I have no right to, my brother is still not okay with what you said so I'm not, and do you really expect me to let it go when you talk the most shit about me to anyone who will listen? (friends name) overheard you calling me a bitch and that's something I'm definitely not gonna let go of. Stop talking about me and I'll let it go. you know nothing about me and your friends know nothing about me so you have no right to comment on what kind of person l am, because no matter how bitchy i can be I would NEVER call anyone any kind of slur especially live on the internet, that's where we are different
Don't talk to me or about me again I'm not beefing with you over this, YOU were wrong so take accountability and move on” | Okay so NTA.
No because why is a grown ass woman being homophobic to a little ass kid then gets mad when her secrets out? Thats deadass all on her and shouldn’t have done that. |
AITAH for feeling like I’m missing out on life because of my long-term relationship |
I am 23F and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend 25M since I was 17 or 18. It’s going into 7 years now. We live together in a one bedroom apartment and while we’re committed I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve missed out on the dating and exploring part of life
Before him I only had one other semi serious relationship in high school that lasted about a year but it was unstable and we broke up and got back together a few times. Other than that I’ve basically only been with him
He on the other hand had multiple relationships before settling down with me. I feel like I never got the chance to date other people figure out what I like or experience my early adult years freely. After 6 plus years there’s still no proposal no real progression besides a promise ring I had to push and talk about many times even threaten to leave if I haven’t seen any progress and so it honestly doesn’t feel fully valid.
I still love him and care for him deeply but I realize part of me stays because of the history the comfort and the bond we’ve built over the years. If he proposed tomorrow I’d probably feel trapped. I’m scared I won’t find that same comfort with someone else but I also feel like I’m sacrificing part of my own life and experiences by staying
Am I wrong for feeling like I’m missing out and wanting to explore life outside this relationship even though I still care for him
*Im not asking for you all to come at me all I’m asking is for word of wisdom and advice. I just want to know if what I’m feeling is wrong * | This isn't an AITAH post. For the actually question. Sometimes the grass is greener and sometimes it isn't. Your life and choice. |
AITAH for getting a kid I babysit a birthday present | I (18F) have been babysitting a girl (7F) for like 6 months now. Very sweet kid. I have a form I require all parents I babysit for to fill out with general information like emergency contacts,health issues I may need to know about,allergies etc. As well as their date of birth.
A few weeks ago I was contacted by the mother of the girl asking if I could babysit today. I agreed I had lost the sheet I keep of the emergency numbers for her specifically so went onto the document to write them down I then saw it was going to be her birthday on the day I babysat her.
I thought it would be a nice suprise to get her a little birthday gift. I got her a cute little doll. When I picked her up from school I gave it to her. She asked if it’s because it’s her birthday. I said yes happy birthday. Looking back she didn’t have a very big reaction but I didn’t really notice at the time some people just don’t have big reactions to things and I don’t overthink peoples reactions.
When we arrived at her house she played with the doll and I got her a snack and put on the Tv for her. After a few hours her mother returned home and asked where the doll came from. The daughter said I gave it to her. I said yes just a little something because I noticed it was her birthday.
The mother was really upset and I was confused by her reaction. She took the doll off of the kid and said they don’t celebrate birthdays. I felt so bad. I didn’t even realise people don’t celebrate birthdays. She told me to take the doll back so I did. She said to never do something like that again or she’ll have to find a different babysitter. I told her of course and to send me a list of rules and I’ll promise to stick to them from now on.
She messaged me saying not to do anything related to Christmas,New Years,Halloween,Birthdays anything celebratory like that. I said of course no worries. She then called me saying she knows I didn’t know but in any circumstance it would be inappropriate to get a kid a birthday present without even consulting the parent. And it’s weird of me to do. I again apologised saying I promise I didn’t mean to upset them or go against their values. But she said I did anyway though and how would I like it if I had a kid and someone completely violated my trust by going against my way of life.
I said I would hate that. And she said I should think before I do things. I said I definitely will in future. She hasn’t yet paid me she usually pays right after I leave.
Is it a common thing not to celebrate these things? I never knew people didn’t celebrate birthday. I knew about holidays but birthdays I had no clue. | **NTA.**
You acted kindly and with good intentions based on information the *parent herself* provided. A small, age-appropriate birthday gift from a babysitter of six months isn’t weird or inappropriate in most households — it’s normal and thoughtful. You immediately apologized, complied, asked for rules, and respected their values once you learned them. Continuing to scold you, threaten your job, and withhold payment crosses a line. Not celebrating birthdays is uncommon, and you had no reasonable way of knowing. You made an innocent mistake, handled it maturely, and don’t deserve to be treated like you violated someone’s “way of life.” |
AITAH for being annoyed by my husband struggling? | I (44F) have been married to my husband (46M) for almost 13 years, together for 15.5 years and we have two kids - 7M and 9M. For the entirety of our relationship I’ve been the breadwinner and there have been several long periods when he didn’t have a job at all.
In 2022 he had his kidney removed because it was blocked and failing and had a cancerous mass on it. They got everything out with surgery and no additional cancer treatment was necessary. Two years later he had his gallbladder taken out also. The same time he was dealing with his kidney issue, the company he worked for was bought out and he decided that instead of continuing to work there in a slightly different capacity and a little less pay, he would take severance and leave. I gave him about 3 months to recover from his surgery before I mentioned that he might want to start looking for a job. To which he replied “I’m on vacation.”
Fast forward six months, unemployment ran out and I had to scramble to figure out how to pay the bills because even though I make good money, we still needed his income to stay afloat due to not having much savings. (I have since been working to get us out of debt and into a good financial position with virtually no participation from him).
I told him he had to make some money so he started doing food delivery. About a year into that, making about $200-$300 a week on average, I came up with the idea that maybe he should start a business since he didn’t want to work for anyone and didn’t want to go to an office. I did everything to get the business up and running, created the LLC, the website, ordered business cards, etc. while he took the necessary certification courses he needed. He got his certification and did absolutely nothing to get the business going so it failed and he never made any money.
A full year later he still didn’t have a full time job. He also did nothing additional the whole time he was out of work to help with the kids or the house and would sleep half the day. I had to juggle being on meetings and having my 4 year old begging for my attention while he slept because we only had afternoon childcare at the time. I also do everything around the house including car maintenance, taking care of the yard, fixing things, cleaning up after everyone, taking kids to activities, etc.
He had 2 job opportunities that he refused to pursue because it would be too much work and at that point I was ready to divorce him. He finally got a job last week (after over 3 years of no full time job) and is constantly freaking out about everything. It’s like being married to a teenager, you would think he was the first person in the world to have a full time office job or have to learn something new in their 40s.
He blames everything on his kidney surgery which I think is a poor excuse. I had my womb taken out and it hasn’t affected me anywhere close to how his kidney surgery has apparently affected him. He also blames just being a man in his 40s. He seems to blame everything else but himself for the position he’s in and is constantly saying the universe is out to get him. I have grown resentful of his parents for raising useless adults (none of their three kids in their 40s has full time jobs, and two live off the government when they’re perfectly capable of supporting themselves and had every opportunity to succeed). I’m not sure what to do because I just have no sympathy and want him to just man up and deal with things and take responsibility for his life and his family. AITAH for not being able to be supportive while he’s floundering around trying to be an adult? | NTA. Sounds like he is depressed, but not really trying to do anything to help his situation. It also sounds like you are really frustrated and exhausted from carrying the load and it’s growing into contempt. I think you both should consider counseling or else divorce might be in the future if changes aren’t made. |
AITAH for leaving my mom’s house during the holidays and booking an Airbnb after she was rude to me and my partner? | I (21M) came back to Brazil from another country to spend the holidays with my mom (50F). I don’t live here anymore, and this trip was specifically to see her and spend time together. I brought my partner (24F) with me.
While staying at her house, she repeatedly made rude and mean comments toward me and my partner. It wasn’t just one incident, it kept happening, and it made the environment really uncomfortable and tense. Such as "your partner is a burden for you and you're too young for that" (she has chronic illness), "you gained weight and you're making your partner fat too", etc.
On our third day here, I sent her a message about her rude comments and glares, asking for her to treat us decently and nicely. She answered saying she would do that and treat us well and with love and affection. Which she followed through for half a day and then stopped.
We initially thought we'd have more privacy and spend the holidays at her farmhouse that has a pool, or maybe even my old apartment (she owns 3 properties), but instead we had to stay in her new apartment together with her and my stepfather. Because of that, I told her that we wouldn’t be staying at her house anymore and that my partner and I had booked an Airbnb with a pool in another city for the rest of the holidays. I explained that I still loved her but we wanted some privacy and a place to swim because it's too hot right now.
She completely freaked out. She called me selfish and said that because of my “decisions,” she would no longer send me any rent money. She said she would still love me and that I’d still be her son, but that she would only pay for my studies from now on. Which, btw, I'm extremely grateful for.
After I left and went to the Airbnb, she then sent me a video of herself crying and enraged, ripping up all my baby photos and saying she never had a son and that I don’t have a mom anymore.
I called my stepfather to try to calm the situation and asked him to talk to her and let me know how she was doing, but he never messaged me back. I had also sent my mom an audio message trying to calmly and briefly explain myself. She listened to it but didn’t reply.
Now I’m wondering if I handled this wrong or if leaving and getting space was justified.
So… AITAH? | Your Mother sounds like she has some issues and feels the need to compete with your partner. NTA |
AITAH for wanting to be this girl's friend before I blocked her? | Back in 2023, I (M15, then bigender 13) used to make content on YouTube, and one of my biggest fans was a Brazilian girl (F13, then F11) who I'll call "Emi" (short for Emilia). She would always comment something positive on my videos.
Since I was born a girl, bigender, and Emi was Christian, I'd just let her call me a girl.
Anyway, we became quite close and we would tell each other about our family life, people we found attractive, boyfriends, crushes, etc.
I helped her with English and she helped me with Portuguese. I can write some Portuguese now without needing a translator but not fluently.
Well, she began to have feelings for me and questioned being bisexual, but I felt uncomfortable dating an 11-year-old at 13 because someone told me it was iffy.
Eventually, we lost contact in like 2025, and she deleted WhatsApp, where we texted, so I messaged her again on YouTube. She seemed very excited to see me. I asked what social medias she had, and she said Facebook and Instagram. Oddly enough, Emi wouldn't accept the request, so I messaged her on Instagram.
About 7 months later, in November 2025, she finally accepted the request but started acting dry, only saying "Yes" "no" "I don't know/IDK", and "maybe".
I asked her what was wrong and if we were still friends, but she blocked me. My friend "Carmen" (F15), who was following Emi, asked her why I was blocked. She went on an alternate account, sent insults and threats to me, saying we weren't friends anymore, I was being annoying, and that I should stop texting her (which I already did). She also told me to disappear, shall we say, and told my friend that I was just a dumb dog.
AITAH for wanting to be her friend in the first place again? I didn't know she had changed so drastically but I left her alone when she sent those nasty things. | No idea why she randomly switched on you but maybe there’s more to this that we aren’t aware of |
AITAH for not wanting my husband to bring a gun home? | I have told my husband repeatedly that I do not feel comfortable with a gun in our apartment and that if he wants one, he can live somewhere else or keep it somewhere else not around me. I've probably had bad to say this a dozen times now.
Yesterday he got a gun and when he came home I asked him where it was and he said he left it at work.
This morning I thought he could be lying so I checked his bag and it was there.
I woke him up and told him this is not okay and to get rid of it and he said he pays rent to he can have it and that he doesn't have to listen to me.
Am I the asshole? | You're allowed to set boundaries for yourself. You're allowed to leave him if you don't wanna live around a gun. Not sure how the battle cry of this sub is always you can leave anyone for any reason until a gun gets involved and now you have to stay and compromise. Nope, you can still leave if youd rather. |
AITAH for using my roommate's groceries to feed my friends and giving her money to replace them. | I 22F love in a condo my parents bought for my brothers, my sister,and I rouse while we went to university. They did this to save money on dorms and a meal plan. Also to have an investment property after we were all done school. All four of us have used it and except for the years when my brothers and my sister and I overlapped they always had the other room rented out to other students through our church and community. This is only tangentially important.
My current roommate is a sophomore and she is a little wild. Nothing wrong with that. She goes out a lot but she is a good roommate in general. Except for one thing. She uses up my groceries all the time and leaves me money to go buy more. It's always enough to cover what she used and sometimes more than enough. Like me her folks subsidizing her life. So it isn't a huge problem except for my time going to Costco or wherever.
On Thursday my boyfriend and I were using a rotisserie chicken to make supper for friends we were having over to play boardgames because we all had no classes that Friday.. When we got into the house my chicken was gone along with some of the other groceries we had bought. My boyfriend suggested we just order delivery. But I was kind of pissed off that she would do this with food I had set aside for this.
I looked in the fridge to see what we could use up and there was some ground beef thawing out. So we made up loaded nachos. When my roommate got home she was angry and asked to speak with me privately. We went to her bedroom where she tore into me for using her groceries. Pretty darn ironic I think. I already had the money ready to replace her beef and chips and stuff we used. She said she didn't have time to go shopping before her friends showed up to eat and pregame before going out.
She took the money and ordered takeout but she is still upset. On Sunday we had another talk about it. She says that we will not use each others groceries anymore. She is upset because the takeout was more expensive than the groceries and she was short money for groceries this week. I pointed out that she had eaten my food on multiple previous occasions. She said it was different because I have a car and my parents' credit card. Her parents give her access to a bank account but they track her money to see how she is spending it.
She is so mad she wants to move out. I think it's an overreaction myself but I can't control how she feels. I asked her if she was seriously this upset over food. She said yes. So I told my parents that they might need a new tenant in the fall. I'm going to law school so I have a few more years here. It got back to her parents. It became a whole thing.
Now she is also upset that I complained to my parents and got her in trouble which is not what happened.
I don't think I was wrong to use the ingredients since she had done it in the past. I also don't think I was wrong to tell my parents about a new tenant. | I would help her pack. |
AITAH for even applying? | Context: I applied for a pt bartending position at a small restaurant in a small town that specializes in fancy beverages
I am a recent college grad and at the time needed a pt job to make some extra cash, I have waitressed since I was 16 and worked in multiple bar settings as well as managed one. Nothing overly fancy, college type sports bars with occasional specialty drinks offered. I applied for this job to be a bartender/server as stated in the description, I let the GM know ahead of time that I wasn’t working in an upscale bar prior, just casual normal bar.
I show up for my interview, immediately I’m greeted by another server and she tells me that the GM and owner are currently in a meeting but should be done in a few.
I sat for around 30 minutes waiting for someone to come begin my interview, finally the owner walks up to me before even saying hello and states “looking over your resume I would simply NEVER hire someone that had only worked at a college bar.”
I said nothing, I got up and walked out, jaw to the floor.
I was embarrassed due to this being in front of employees and customers, I never imagined being belittled due to the type of restaurant I had previously worked in, if it was the Ruth’s Chris then sure, but a little restaurant in the middle of nowhere? I was baffled.
I still think about this woman and the way she made me feel and it makes me feel sorry for the people that do work for her.
AITAH for even applying and thinking that I was “qualified” enough for this position?
| The fuck did they even schedule an interview for??? |
AITAH for being upset at my friends not staying the night for my bday | I’m gonna start off saying that this is my first post on here so I’m sorry if it’s not written properly. I, 17f am turning 18 on Sunday. I invited my close friends to come over Saturday to celebrate with me. When I texted the group chat I made, no one said anything at first. I had to send multiple texts saying for them to let me know if they are coming. G and M didn’t say anything. I’m not that close with G but she is closer with other friends and I was talking about my bday infront of her. Anyways I texted M if he was coming.
“Are you coming to my birthday cuz if not I’d like to know sooner than later lol” -me
“I don’t think I’ll be coming” -M
“Why and couldn’t you have just said that in the gc lol”-me
“I didn’t know what I was doing” -M
“What does that mean?😭” -me
“I didn’t make up my mind”-M
“Wait so you didn’t make up your mind till now?😭 also do you know if G is coming” -me
“She’s prolly not going to go” -M
“Okay”- me
I was upset because two weeks before that was our friend Q’s birthday. M is closer to her but he hated half the people that went to Q’s birthday. Everyone I invited are the people he does get along and he isn’t coming. I have a hot-tub and I know he doesn’t like going in. I said in the group chat that we wouldn’t be going into the hot tub until late.
Since then I kicked G and M out of the group chat I made for my birthday. Now fast forward to last night when J texted me saying that now her and Q won’t be staying the night. Q works until 9:15pm on Saturday so i understand that she wouldn’t be able to come until later. But now J is driving herself and Q home. I’m assuming that J and Q are driving together and won’t show up until like 10pm. J was telling me that she has to be in the town 45 minutes away from where I live Sunday morning and that Q has a doctor appointment. I honestly don’t know if I believe that because how all of a sudden they both magically have something to do Sunday morning.
L and my sister E will be coming sooner since in the group chat I originally said to come at 4pm. I know that L doesn’t like sleepovers so I knew she wouldn’t be staying the night.
So basically only L, E, Q, and J would be coming. No one is staying the night. I feel horrible and cried all night and have felt shitty all day today and didn’t even go to school. Am I being an asshole about this? I honestly think this might be my last straw and might choose to drift away. | NTAH. Makes sense to feel hurt when something important to you ends up feeling like an afterthought. |
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