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WIBTAH if my sibling was not invited to our family wedding | After our parents died, my sibling decided (for reasons still unknown to me) that I was a horrible person and cut me out of their life. I was sent a letter full of such hatred toward me, but again, no reason for it, saying we were no longer siblings, and to erase any history behind us. Mutual parties, including their spouse, have no idea why, either.
I have a loving relationship with their spouse and children and their families, and see them when in their area. I have been invited, and attended all their children's weddings over the years (before and after said "situation") The weddings after the "situation" were awkward, but I was assured I was wanted and very warmly welcomed by the rest of the family, and completely and very obviously ignored by the sibling. Over the years, I have come to realize this is their cross to bear, and has little to do with me. I wish them no ill will, (well, maybe a little, like unending paper cuts, or getting diarrhea often in public spaces with locked or pay toilets 😊) but there will be no relationship with them again.
My child is getting married this spring. They want to invite my sibling, since they are "family" and have always treated them well. They don't know to what extent I had suffered due to the letter and the lingering effects. For what it's worth, my spouse and I are paying for the wedding, and we are half a country away from each other, so considerable expense is involved for them to travel. I do not want this person there. Their presence would cause me undue pain and anxiety. But I don't want to cause problems either. Do I override their invitation? Do I contact their spouse and tell them I'd love to have them there, but not my sibling, and I hope they understand? I am truly losing sleep over this. | I think you should tough it out, your sibling probably didn’t want you at their children’s wedding either but they got over it for the sake of their kid (with as much context as I have, this is what I assume). This wedding is for your child at the end of the day and if they want their Auntie there, then that’s that. |
AITAH for calling my dad useless | Hi y'all I 16f have divorced parents they have shared custody. I was with my dad last week since it was his turn. That Friday I went to a house party with a friend, I don't drink btw. She got drunk and left me at the party, I didn't even realize til I started looking for her. I will tell you why I was looking for her.
When in the bathroom a drunk guy was by the doorway and started touching me inappropriately sobI went looking for my friend so we leave cause she can drive. I couldn't find her then some people told me she left with Marcus. I felt unsafe and the guy kept saying he will take me home, his friends were laughing and joking about it.
I ran out and left and called my dad and he didn't answer the first two rings. On the third one he answered and I asked him to come pick me up and he said he told me not to go to the party and I still went. The thing is I asked him to go and he said no so I told him would it be better if I get a ride with a friend and he agreed. Anyways I hung up and called my mom and she came with my stepdad. When my dad called the next day to ask why I didn't come home. I told him my stepdad and mom came to get me since he didn't care enough to. Then he went off on this rant about consequences and I called him useless then hung up.
He berated my mom about her making him seem like a bad dad and how she turned me against him cause I called him useless. He said her bringing my stepdad undermined him and etcccc.
AITAH for calling him useless. I know I was wrong for that. I also understand that going to the party was stupid and especially being around drunk teens but I had a friend there and she left. I just wanted to be able to call my dad when I need him. This was my first party and I was excited. | NTA A parent that doesn't collect their kid from a situation in which they feel unsafe is, in fact, useless. Your saftey is the priority. If there is a lesson or punishment those come later. |
AITAH for not following through with my in laws christmas activity? | AITAH?
Relationships with in-laws are always tricky but I want to change that, but I need your opinion. I'll start with pure facts and then go into details.
Facts: Late October 2025 inlaw family sent message to group chat that they wanna go tubing instead of Christmas gifts. My husband and I say sure!
Dec 19th nothing has been said anything anymore about the plan, so I ask while we are at their house "hey...so is it still happening? What day? I need to coordinate Christmas with my family too so please let me know" MIL and SIL #1 say maybe that weekend after Christmas (meaning dec. 27th) but they'll let us know. "Okay"
Dec. 23rd SIL #2 sends to group chat "I asked for Jan. 3rd off"
My husband and me: ???? Confused because there were other convos inbetween and had no idea what she was talking about so I reply "what's going on on Jan. 3rd?" SIL #1 "thats when we are going tubing" Me: "oh"
Nothing ever gets mentioned again, we see them on the 25th, 26th and on January 1st.
On the 1st, somehow the tubing gets brought up. My husband: "oh it's still happening?"
MIL: " yes, obviously"
Husband: "well you guys didn't say anything anymore and I called you twice this week and you told me you weren't sure"
SIL #1: "yeah, and we are going to the hot springs after"
Husband and me: 🤔👀
MIL: *at me* "do you not wanna go?"
Me: yeah...I just am surprised...I didn't think we were going anymore...it's in 2 days and we haven't even talked about it...
January 2nd (THE DAY BEFORE we are supposed to go)
My husband calls his mom to tell her we should postpone so we can plan it better she says "idk, send a message to the group chat to see if your sisters want to"
*He sends message*
SIL#1 "well this is the day that works best for us"
SIL #2: I asked for Saturday and Sunday off already, it's the only weekend I have both days off
Me: Sunday?? Why do you need Sunday off? Is the plan to stay the night?
SIL #2: "oh idk but my parents told me to get it off just in case we spend the night"
SIL #1: "do you guys want to go yes or no?!"
Us: "no, but don't let that stop you guys maybe another time we'lldo something else with you guys"
SIL #1: bummer we had been talking about this for a while.
Details --------
Similar things always happen with my in laws. I have tried soooo hard to be flexible and be the best daughter in law I can be. They always swear they are super spontaneous and can never make plans with time so my husband and I always have to be running around or miss important dates with them. Example: almost every Christmas my husband and I split half day with my family and half with his. We are tired of it so in 2024 we asked my family if they would agree to take a 3 day trip in the mountains with us and my in laws. My family agreed. We asked my in laws and first response was "well not sure because we might go out of town, and if we don't go out of town then family from Texas might come over for Christmas" so in order to spend Christmas with them we canceled the trip in the mountains and told my family that if the in laws stayed in town we would split the day again.
2 DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS GUESS WHAT?! in laws call us: "hey we are booking 2 nights in the mountains right now for Christmas do y'all wanna come?"
ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?! no, obviously no.... "no, we literally had invited both families to go to the mountains and we canceled because you guys said no and now you guys are leaving?? No thank you" they were very upset. I particularly SIL #1 that was 2024.
Now 2025 this with the tubing. Where clearly they made plans, talked about it, never told us anything even though we asked MANY times what was going to happen and then try to play it off like "it was spontaneous".
No, you don't call and get days off from work on a "spontaneous trip" when SIL #2 was told to call off from work we should have been told as well that they were planning on staying the night, right??
Anyway, I have told them many times, I understand you guys are spontaneous I don't expect you to make plans months before hand but please please as soon as you do please loop me in, I have to coordinate with my family too and I wanna spend time with you guys too not just my family. I've insisted so many times and feel ignored everytime and this time it just pushed it for me.
#1.) Clearly you all sat down and talked about the date, hot springs and staying the night and not once did you mention it to us until 1 day before
2.)when you set a date you didn't ask if it worked for us, yes if it didn't I could have said something but would it have mattered? Clearly that day was decided no matter what
what
3.) You show us that only your time is important and only your schedule matters when we asked to postpone it and you replied with "well thats the day that worls best for us"
This behavior is a pattern. I ask to be involved. I never am, yet we are expected to show up and if we don't I am the villan and SIL #1 causes a riot
For context. We've been married 5 years, together 7.
Both SIL live at home with their parents and are not married. Ages 28 (SIL 1) & 22 (SIL 2)
My SIL #1 is pissed at me. But I am done trying, I have decided if we get invited with time and told the full plan we will go. If we don't, we won't. That simple. We won't continue to be the only ones running around and trying to make it work when I constantly verbalize that I would like to see effort from them as well. AITAH for not going tubing with them? | NTA, they dismissed your plans, but end up doing the same thing on their time, obviously thru care of you go, they pretend being the victims because they invested you at the last minute, after 5’years it’s time for your own traditions m, 🫶🫶🫶 |
AITAH because I called my friends (44M)+(28F) disgusting for hooking up while his fiance/her friend (40+F) was in hospital. | (Sorry, This ended up longer than expected)
*edit - so surprised how many people dont understand the first thing I say. We are not family we are like family. From the kids point of view its mum, dad, Auntie and uncle. Sorry I didn't put names (not that it changes anything)*
For context our group dynamic is closer to family than friends. Dad (44M) Mum (40+F) Auntie (28F) Uncle/Me(28M).
*NOT ACTUAL FAMILY*
We hung out most weekends, but last year was difficult. Mum was in hospital for a months. It was hard for everyone. Me and Auntie helped Dad as much as we could and Dads Mum helped him too. They have 2 kids full time and 2 on weekends (from Mums previous)
Dad was doing the seemly impossible. Looking after the kids and still going to the hospital daily to care for Mum.
This lasted half the year, but everything went back to "normal" when she came out but there was a lot of friction. Mum is physically able do some things, but she refuses to do anything since she has been out of hospital. She won't even change her daughters nappy, she just shouts out "baby needs bum change" while continuing to scroll in her phone. I could go on (I dont like Mum, but ive always been nice)
Fast forward to December. Everything seemed normal again, but me and Auntie had become closer (kisses and cuddles) the 4 of us spent Xmas eve together, I was at Mum+Dad's Xmas evening and I was with Auntie and her friends on boxing day.
At some point on boxing day, Mum and Dad came up in conversation.
We are worried that Dad is gonna work himself to death, as he isnt the healthiest. He is openly frustrated (sexually) because he does everything for her (including in bedroom) but he gets nothing in return.
Anyway, I said something like "he either has a massive D or a tiny D". One of the friends said "ask Auntie, she knows".. Aunties face dropped and gave a wide eyed "stfu face". Im behind her friend, but I saw her head point at me. Im guessing her friend said "did he not know" because Auntie just shook her head no. Awkward silence followed for a bit.
I waited for everyone to leave before mentioning it. I asked if she wanted to explain herself. She told me what happened, and I didn't know what to say or do (we were about to go to Mum+Dad's house). I stayed quiet trying to process how long this had happened, and how unaware we were.
While I was quite she kept talking.
She said it was a mistake. I said once is a mistake, 2 months is not
She said it happened while I was there one night, and another time when Mum was back home
She was asking if im going to tell mum. I said no but I can't/won't play along with this
She said they wanted to tell me, I said it wouldn't change how disgusted I am.
Then I left.
I was just going to stop talking to them to avoid saying anything. However, the next day I went to give the older kids their presents. I pulled Dad outside to tell him how Ive lost all respect for him and called him disgusting aswell. They both know my view on cheating (my ex cheated on me for 6 month with my younger brother), which is probably why they didnt tell me. After that conversation I tried to act normal, but every conversation we ever had started racing through my mind and realised how stupid me and Mum are.
One time Auntie said to me she KNOWS she could get away with sleeping with him (she actually emphasised "knows")
She has said to Mum "just give him a BJ, he isnt much to handle"
Mum asked what we've been up to while she been in hospital, Auntie said "sucking off your fella"
We were oblivious because there was a running joke that Auntie would give Dad BJ vouchers for his bday and xmas (literally just bits of paper in a card). It wasn't abnormal for us to have rude/hypothetical conversations. But learning months later that she was openly admitting that she had actually been doing it made me feel physically sick. Idk why but this feels worse than lying, deceptively telling the truth.
I'll finish the story (sorry for the length). I left their house earlier than usual, which was awkward because Mum had dealt me into the game they were about to play, I said I wasn't feeling well, apologised and left.
The next day I learned that Auntie had blocked me and that I left stuff at the house last night. Dad dropped my stuff back and I asked what I did wrong to be blocked. He said I scare her, and she doesn't know what I'm gonna do/say.. I said she is scared of what I know, that isnt my fault.. I've said I'll keep my mouth shut, unlike you 2, I keep to my word. He said it was my attitude that changed towards her.. I said of course, let me remind you, ive done nothing wrong here. Ive said I'm not going to tell Mum but im also not going to play happy families every weekend knowing this.
I got a little angry that this was being turned on me, but the final straw was when he said that I should cancel my getaway because Auntie isn't coming. I lost my temper a little bit because I spent a decent bit of money to treat her for her bday and xmas, then I booked a nice getaway for an evening and asked her to come because we had a hard year helping out and we were getting close.. But like fuck am I cancelling my getaway, im going alone now. I didnt want her to come after this, I uninvited her because you guys are disgusting. Then walked away. Haven't spoken since.
AITAH? | I’m confused. What’s with the mum/dad/aunt/uncle thing. Just give names. This was weird to read.
Edit: going with YTA for not telling “mum.” |
AITAH for calling out my sister’s boyfriend for being a hypocrite? | Throwaway account, so I don’t want this drama (HAH) to be linked to my main. And this may be a bit trivial lol.
I (21M) am a cinephile and am a film student. The problem is, no one else in my family shares my passion and love for film. They watch like 3 films a year, and then when awards season rolls around, they are like “never heard of this film, don’t know how it won an Oscar”, and meanwhile the film that won is literally my favourite of the year.
So as everyone knows the Golden Globes were on Sunday night. Hamnet won the award for Best Motion Picture - Drama over Sinners. I saw both of them, and even though Sinners is definitely not a bad film, Hamnet is just so far and above it by every single measure artistically that I think the Globes made the right choice.
Well, my sister’s boyfriend was over, and he’s the type that’s into very “dudebro-y” type films and hates quiet, subtle works not made by anyone named the Russos or Chris Nolan. He said that Sinners was robbed and that Hamnet’s victory is gonna go down as bad. I asked him if he had seen Hamnet, and he said no.
My blood boiled and I told him that he has no right to judge the quality of a film without seeing it at all. We had a fight, and of course my family is on his side.
AITA? | YTA for implying that Sinners, an actual masterpiece, is a "dudebro-y" type film.
ETA: Also YTA for not understanding what the word "hypocrite" means. |
AITAH for basically ignoring my tutor? | Hello Reddit. Currently I’m in my final year of high school and I only have a few months left until summer and then college (I live in the UK so I assume it probably works differently from America). But basically for reasons I don’t massively want to get into I am currently working off sight in a library with a tutor that the school pays for. He seemed like a nice enough guy and me and him shared a few interests like gaming and football and such. But he would always go on about AI and how he was fascinated by it. Anyway I don’t really enjoy the sessions with him too much (mainly because I just want to go back to school) but I try make a decent effort at the work he sets at a hope of being allowed back into school so I can finish my last few months and enjoy them and do my GCSE’s and what not. Me and him would usually make conversation about football and games and just like interesting stuff that had been going on in our lives. So this went on for a couple of months and then a couple weeks ago a lady from the school came and spoke to me and asked me a few questions one of them being would I rather be back in school to which I said yes. She then said she wanted to ask my tutor a few questions and if I’d rather be there throughout. (My tutor had gone off while me and this lady from the school talked). I said I don’t really mind and she said I could stay because they were talking about me and she felt it was fair that I was there while they spoke. So then my tutor comes back over and the lady asks him a few questions one of them being something along the lines of do you two get on and like are you chill sort of thing. To wich the libary guy said yes but he said that I was a shy person. That annoyed me a fair amount because personally I do not think I am a shy person at all and most people I have said this to have agreed. I didn’t say that I was annoyed by his comment and then the lady from the school left and I just started working again. My tutor starts trying to make conversation with me and if someone has annoyed me I will usually just not talk to them but in some situations (like this one) that’s not really that easy. So instead of ignoring him I just kept shutting him down by giving him very short one worded responses like “Yes” or “No” or “Mmm” or even sometimes just a shrug. I wouldn’t initiate conversation with him at all. I told my friend all this and he said that he thought what I was doing was fair enough and he agreed with me in saying that I am not a shy person. Anyway fast forward maybe about a week or so this is still going on and I’m doing a project on my tutor’s laptop and I load up chat GPT for to ask it for a good name for something in the project. I then see in my tutor’s previous chat history there was something that had my name on it. So curious and a bit nosy I decided to open it because I thought well it’s to do with me so I’d be interested in knowing about it. Turns out this guy has been talking to chat GPT about my work and how I haven’t really been talking to him. He also used chat GPT to make all the work he had set me as well. And I wasn’t the only student of his that he had spoken to the AI about. There was tons of other names on there but I didn’t really have much interest in them and it wasn’t any of my business so I just ignored them and focused on what he had been saying about me. So the fact that he had called me shy annoyed me and now the fact that he has been talking to AI about me (and no one else) has annoyed me even more and frankly weirded me out a fair amount. I said to my mum and brother and my brother mostly agreed with me but my mum not so much. So I have my brother and my mate agreeing with me but currently not my mum. But I mean this is on going so things could change. Anyway in February the school is going to have a meeting with me and my mum to decide if I can be let back into the school and they are also having one at some point in this month as well. (But that one doesn’t really matter. The February one is more important). Etheir way I’m going to continue doing things as I am with my tutor and each session get a bit more simple with my one worded responses. Am I the asshole or do you think what I’m doing is valid. Let me know. | Do you know what a paragraph is? |
AITAH for considering comfort in my relationship | I, 32F, am in a LDR relationship with my bf, M27, for about 7 months. He’s been great so far. He’s never been in a relationship before and acts very chivalrous, romantic and very very very loving. He says I love you a lot. Isn’t ashamed to let people know I’m in his life. He shares his life with me. Gives me updates about his day proactively. Whenever I’m sad regardless of the cause he does everything to make me smile but here’s the catch.
He’s in Türkiye and I’m in the Netherlands. Meaning that if we choose to be together then one of us has to sacrifice and move. He’s willing to take this step but he doesn’t know the language and has no diploma’s. Meaning he would have a low paying job here. The only ‘negative’ thing about him/our relationship is his economic situation.
However I am aware that this life is temporary and there are more important things in life than money. I myself am not a career person nor do I care about status but I don’t want to live a hard life in the future.
What’s more important in this case: love or comfort? I’m genuinely lost. How should I move forward and make a decision? | Respectfully, it's a 7 month long-distance relationship. You don't know him that well. You have no idea what he's like to be around, to live with, if you can argue productively, how he'll mesh with your family (and vice versa).
Is he pushing to come live with you? Is this something you have to decide right now? |
AITAH for lying to my colleague about him cheating on his partner? | A few years ago, while attending a conference in a different state, my colleague, Chris (27M) got super wasted at a bar we went to. There was live music and dancing at the bar, and he began dancing with another conference attendee that we had just met at the conference and got along with (also mid/late 20's M, also very drunk). At this point Chris was definitely VERY drunk and I noticed he was getting VERY close to his new dance partner, and before I knew it, they were hardcore making out on the dance floor.
Chris has always identified as straight, and at this point had been with his girlfriend for over two years. After twenty or so minutes of a make out session and grinding on each other on the dance floor, the guy making out with Chris invited him back to his hotel room, and Chris agreed to go.
I had also been drinking and was definitely past the point of buzzed, but not nearly drunk enough to misconstrue the situation or not remember what happened. I tried to say something to Chris to keep him from going, but he kept saying "it's fine, it's fine, I'll be fine, don't worry". I was also with another colleague, Kevin, who told me to just let him go because what Chris chooses to do is none of my business, so we let him leave.
Now, I have no idea what exactly happened after this, but the next morning I got a message from Chris asking me if I had any idea happened the night before. I asked him what he remembered and he said he couldn't remember anything past going to the bar, but that he woke up in his hotel lobby super late at night/early in the morning and couldn't remember how he got there, but he eventually made it back to his hotel room.
At this point I didn't know what to do. Should I tell him the truth that he cheated on his partner? I asked Kevin who had seen this all go down what I should do. And he said "What you tell him could ruin his life. He clearly didn't know what he was doing because he was blackout drunk, so just let him think that nothing happened. He never needs to know." So, I told Chris that he got wasted at the bar and then decided to go back to his own hotel, and probably fell asleep in the lobby on his way to his room. I never mentioned his make out session with the other conference attendee or that he left with that other guy to go to a hotel room.
I don't know if things progressed past the makeout session and I doubt I'll ever know, but if they did, at worst he could have contracted an STI and potentially passed it on to his significant other, who was innocent in all this. At best, he just made out with someone but still cheated on his partner. She deserved to know the truth because if it happened once, it could happen again right? I feel awful for not telling the truth and wonder if it would have been better to tell him what really happened then let him decide what to do with that information.
Even though this happened a few years ago I still think about how I didn't tell my colleague the truth and it haunts me. AITAH for keeping my mouth shut?
As an update, Chris is now married to the significant other he cheated on and they have two kids together.
EDIT: I don't know if something had been slipped into Chris's drink. It's always possible and I do feel guilty that this could have happened. I didn't have my eyes glued on Chris all night since I was hanging out with a bunch of work colleagues at the bar, not just Chris. I was also intoxicated, so even though I didn't blackout, I wasn't as observant because of the alcohol in my system.
Chris had been drinking a lot before he began dancing with the male and the male he was dancing with was also (or at least appeared to be) very drunk. So it seemed like both individuals had their inhibitions lowered.
I've also attended other work conferences with Chris where we went out to a bar afterwards, and the level of drunk he got was pretty typical. I had just never seen him cheat on his partner before (be it with a female or male).
In my sober state, I would have pushed even harder to make sure he didn't leave with the other guy and looking back now it seems so obvious that something more nefarious could have been going on. Maybe it's just an excuse to help me cope with the guilt, but I did try to stop him while I was intoxicated and I was the only one of our colleagues who attempted to stop him, but while I wasn't sober, the thought that he could have been drugged hadn't even crossed my mind. | [deleted] |
Am I a bad friend? “WIBTAH” | I don’t know what is going on with me. I’ve been distant from my two close friends, and I don’t know why. I can feel myself being distant and putting up a wall between us. I don’t know why, I’m okay with texting them but in person I have a hard time talking and hanging out with them. I avoid them on purpose because I don’t feel in the mood to talk to them and I’m not sure why. This has led me to find everything they do irritating. The way they walk, talk, their thoughts and way of being. They are inherently good people, and we’ve had so much fun in the past. We’ve experienced so many things together but lately I can’t stand them. I don’t know what is wrong, I try to sit and analyze more in depth the friendship and try to understand why. I do sometimes feel a little bit smothered by them, I feel like sometimes they’re too nosey with my personal life. They’ll ask me about certain things I don’t want to talk about because it’s too personal. Maybe I’ve outgrown our conversations, I feel like all we do is complain, talk about work and others negatively and I’m growing tired of that. There’s nothing new or exciting happening in their lives, they don’t bring fun and new topics to our conversations. I don’t, I think I’m the problem and I feel terrible because they’ve been only kind to me. | It's amazing that you managed to write a rather long paragraph and still were not able to give us any actual context to judge...
If you just don't like them any more, then stop being friends with them. If you think there something deeper wrong with you, then speak to a professional.
But, it's impossible for us to tell who the asshole is here. |
AITAH for not wanting to choose between my parents and my girlfriend? | I(17F) am unsure of whether I should stop contact with my girlfriend (17F) for 4-5 years and continue to live with my parents and learn about religion with an "open mind".
sorry if this is poorly written, a lot of things happened and I'm unsure of what to not include and English isn't my first language.
For context, it's been about a month since my religious asian parents found out about me and my girlfriend of almost 4 months by looking through my whatsapp and finding a chat I had with her friend. It was a picture of my girlfriend with words edited onto it saying "shes not safe, shes getting touched" basically meaning my girlfriend said that about me because it was her last day of school and I was messaging her and her friends and we were all joking around. My parents then went onto my phone gallery, didn't find the photo of my girlfriend (I'll call her A) and went into my recycle bin, where they found photos that I'd taken of us doing couple-y things from when I had gone to her house two days before and also some more "risky" pictures of both me and A (don't worry they weren't illegal nudes, just slightly suggestive pictures HAHA!!).
At first my parents were quite furious and wanted me to break up with her and never contact her again. I, of course, didn't want to do this because prior to being my girlfriend, A has been my closest friend for about 4 years now, after my best friend of 15 years (who'd kill me if I were to call A my bestfriend). I managed to successfully hide me and A's relationship from my parents for 3 months, but I also did hide our friendship from them too because A is MtF, currently pre-transition and my parents don't approve of me having "male" friends. When I stopped responding to A and my best friend (who I'll call G) because my parents had taken away my devices, I found a way to contact them through my discord account on my xbox, which my parents were unaware of at the time. The plan was that A would tell my parents that she is considering converting to my parents religion (which I wont mention because I feel that it doesn't matter) because when my parents found out, they told me they wouldn't have cared whatever boy I liked as long as they were the "same religion as us" (for context I'm not religious and neither is A). This happened and my parents told A to take a year and truly learn about the religion and then come back in a year and my dad would get us married. The only thing was that we weren't allowed to contact each other for a year. We obviously didn't do this because my parents caught me using my xbox to talk to her. They then told me that I have to break up with her, and to save some time
we fake broke up twice and my parents caught me each time. Before that though, I also had to come out to my parents and explain that A is transgender, which they didn't really try to understand and that im also not religious. Then they also found out that my EPQ is on "if queer poc experience queerness different to white people and how the media represents this" and got super angry too and said that I'm "sex addicted" for writing about and thinking about "these kinds of things" (to be fair, they did read some of the more freaked out messages between me and A). When my parents caught me the most recent time, my dad had a panic attack and had to go to hospital. They also found the other way we had started to communicate through and got quite angry at me and started to include my sisters into the issue.
What it has come to now is that my parents are giving me an ultimatum.
Option 1:
I have to stop talking to A/"break up" with A completely for 4 or 5 years and focus on my education learn about religion with a more open mindset
,"view life through a different perspective" and then choose after that time is up what I want to do.
Option 2:
I have to move out as soon as I'm capable to (I start university next year) and they will cut me off and prevent my younger sisters from being able to contact me.
I honestly don't know what to do because I won't be able to completely cut off A for 4 or 5 years or break up with her, they would just keep catching me but I also don't want to be cut off from my family. What I do want to do is to live with A as soon as I can though which may be after or during university/degree apprenticeship depending on what we both choose to do. I know that I'm pretty young still an that relationships can always change, but we are both very committed and we have an amazingly healthy relationship. We're also both in our 2nd relationship. Also, my parents have sort of forbidden me from going out and also from talking to G because she's the on who introduced me and A as friends and my parents think she is some sort of matchmaker now and all the respect they had for her is gone. I can understand my parents perspective clearly, but I also just want to do what I want to do; I want to live my life, I guess. My parents make me sound evil for wanting to wear skirts and more tighter clothes. They also make it sound like I don't prioritise school, which isn't true, I do pretty well in school, although the start of A-levels is beating me up.
I want to do something computer science in the future and A wants to become a chef.
AITAH for not being able to choose between my family and A? | It’s hard to let go of family, but dude they sound nuts and super controlling. A panic attack leading to hospitalization because you, an almost legal adult, are *gasp* dating someone? If your parents were mine I would’ve given dad a full on heart attack and killed him if he had found out what I was doing at 15/16 lol. Personally, I would move out. It sucks, and you’ll need room mates at the least, or a lot of college loans and to live on campus for awhile, but I personally couldn’t take them forcing their religion on me and being controlled like that. No thanks. You get 1 life to live for yourself, and it goes by very quickly. Don’t waste time pretending to be someone you’re not. Do you have any friends whose parents may be okay with taking you in if they knew what was going on at home? If you move out don’t run up credit card debt, and learn how to budget. God speed dude, this is rough. |
AITAH for telling my friend the truth about her boyfriend cheating, even though it ruined my friendships? | For context, back in 7th grade a lot of new students joined my school. Among them were a boy and a girl. I’ll call the boy B and the girl U. B was introverted and nerdy, while U was extroverted and full of energy. I like making friends, so I started talking to both of them and became close with them pretty quickly.
Early on, B told me he had a crush on U. After 10th grade, when we all went to different colleges, they officially got together. After that, I rarely saw U, but B and I hung out a lot. I introduced him to my other friends, who I’ve known since childhood.
Here’s where things started going wrong. My friend group is toxic. They insult each other on very personal things “as jokes,” cheat on their girlfriends and laugh about it, insult each other’s girlfriends, and use bad language openly. Wherever we sit, people judge us because we’re loud and curse constantly. I’ve grown up with them, so I learned to tolerate it, even though I don’t agree with it.
B had money, and I didn’t. Whenever we hung out with this group, B paid for their food, bills, and treated them a lot. Before this, he never really had friends like them, the kind he thought were funny or cool, so he tried hard to fit in. Over time, he completely changed. He used to be quiet and respectful toward me, but after joining this group, he started insulting me too.
I had trusted B and told him very personal things about my life, including how bad my love life was and about my father, who lost one eye when he was young. I told him these things because I trusted him. But after he became close with this group, he told them everything. They all started using those things to insult me, because they knew it hurt me. I’ve known these people since childhood, but I never shared my personal life with them for this exact reason.
At the same time, B used to tell me that he loved U more than anything, yet he cheated on her four or five times. I already felt guilty because I felt like his change started after I brought him into this group.
The breaking point for me was when B went on a date with a random girl, slept with her, took nude photos of her, and then showed those photos to our friends while making fun of her. Later, I found out that this “random girl” was actually his first cousin. That’s when I decided I couldn’t stay quiet anymore.
I didn’t want to ruin their relationship. I honestly hoped U could make him better and that they could work things out, especially because U once told me she was planning to marry him. I talked to her occasionally on social media, even though we hadn’t met in person since 10th grade. I told her what B was doing and asked her not to mention my name.
She confronted him, and he immediately knew it was me who told her. He denied everything and blamed me instead. He told her that my friend group is bad, that we insult each other’s girlfriends, don’t respect anyone, and that I’m a bad person who’s jealous of him. At first, she didn’t believe him, but she asked me for proof. I didn’t have any proof, so she started believing that I was lying and possibly jealous or had a crush on her.
After that, B told all my friends what I did. Now they’re all against me. They didn’t care that I’ve been friends with them since childhood. I know why they turned on me though. I’ve told them before to stop doing these things and to respect people’s personal lives. They took that as me judging or insulting them, because this behavior is normal to them.
Now I’m the bad guy in everyone’s eyes. Sometimes I wonder if I should’ve stayed quiet, because if I hadn’t told her, everything would probably still be the same.
So… AITAH for telling her the truth? | Never the AH. NTA.
You need better friends. |
AITAH for going no contact with my only sibling? | This is genuinely a short one because I’m curious.
At what point is sibling fallouts/fights considered just downright bullying?
I endured a lot of shit when I was younger, the likes of being strangled and threatened constantly on top of the embarrassment on social media status’/posts (Facebook was just becoming a big thing as I was growing up) followed by the threatening texts ‘wait til your home’ sorta thing. My privacy being invaded by them raiding through your bedroom and you being petrified to even retrieve your OWN stuff back out of their room😅
I’m genuinely curious how people who have been though similar perceive this - is this just ‘what siblings do’ or now you are older and reflect back, do you consider this bullying?
I’m not sure if I’ve gaslit myself into thinking that it’s just sibling shit but looking back it was definitely the catalyst of the beginning to my anxiety and ocd after doing CBT. And my sibling has never dropped the ‘lil sis’ act on me and treats me like I don’t know my butt from my face it’s patronising and I’m totally done.
Also, if your the youngest and went through similar, are you still in contact with them as you have grown older? How does one keep this relationship even if it hurts?? | That wasn't normal sibling stuff, that was abuse. If contact still hurts and they've never changed or owned it, you're right to go no contact for your own peace. |
AITAH for making my gf choose between me or her gay best friend? | Me and my girlfriend have been going out for about three years now and things have been going pretty great, only the small issue being I feel her gay best friend is more of her partner than I am. He's always been her best friend and they're obviously very special to each other and I have no problem with him or them being close but it's more of I feel a little insecure about it, like I have to share her with him. They do all the normal things best friends do, they aren't necessarily clingy or that she prefers him over me, but since they've been together as long as they have, everything comes so much naturally for them, and it's like they are a married couple. They live in the same apartment, know each other's families, each other's favorite things, go out to dinners, she's always there for him and he buys her nice things. Like I mentioned before, she hasn't done anything to make me feel any type of way about it and I know she cares about me and it's kind of normal for best friends to do these types of things, but I can't help but feeling i'm secretly competing with him, or that i'll never be as close with her that he is. He's had a boyfriend for a long time too, longer than we've been together so it's really not like he's taking up all of her time or that he'd kind of take her from me but I don't really think I could do this much longer knowing she already has a bond with someone else and I have a good feeling if I asked her, I wouldn't be her pick. What do I do without being unreasonable or insecure? | Soft YTA.
Making her choose isn’t fair when no one crossed a line. This is about your insecurity, not his sexuality or their friendship.
You don’t compete with a best friend—you build your own lane. If you need a different level of closeness, talk to her about that directly. If you can’t accept the bond she already has, that’s a compatibility issue, not a betrayal. |
AITAH for not letting my colleagues sing happy birthday to me? | I don’t like to celebrate my birthday or be the centre of attention and I can’t think of many things worse than a group of people singing happy birthday to me.
My team at work knows this because I’ve told them and I’ve successfully gone 3 years of them not knowing when my birthday is.
However, this year, they found out the date of my birthday and decided to gather in the shared kitchen space (where colleagues from other teams can wander freely - another layer to the embarrassment), send me a message, and start singing as I enter.
AITAH for turning around, walking back to my desk, and continuing with my day, leaving them in the kitchen wearing party hats, surrounding a cake? | NTA, Someone actually sued their employer for doing this, [https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-61141421](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-61141421) |
AITAH for telling guests they didn’t need to bring any food to Christmas lunch? | So I have waited a little while after Christmas to post but I’m still annoyed so here it is. For years my husband and I lived in a home that was too small to host his parent and three brothers (and their family’s) for Xmas. So we always went along to their lunches and happily brought along whatever food we were asked to bring.
This year after a big renovation we were able to fit everyone finally and hosted the event. As we had been unable to do it in the past we wanted to treat everyone with a meal that they didn’t need to lift a finger to make and told them not to worry bringing anything. We made sure we had all their favourite dishes (including items we wouldn’t normally eat ourselves and are in actual fact highly allergic to) because we knew they loved them (we had spent about a thousand dollars on food and alcohol).
A couple of days before the event my sister in laws called me furious and said she was angry that we had said not to bring anything when she had asked what to bring and said ‘it’s not just your Christmas’. I explained that we just wanted to treat them to a hassle free Christmas as we had been unable to host in the past. She then demanded to know what I would be cooking for the day. I went through the menu (when she realised we had gone out of our way to accomodate all their favourite foods) and then told her if she wanted to she was more than welcome to bring something along. She said no that’s ok I won’t bring anything. Fast forward to the day and they came and ate and drank to their hearts content and then left (no apology or acknowledgment that she had been rude).
That night I received a message from her saying ‘Christmas was fine but I would have much rather been with you guys’. She had obviously sent the message to me in error. I am just so angry at the way she treated us but my husband says to leave it. In my opinion telling them not to bring anything was an act of generosity but I’m interested in the general consensus… AITA? | It sounds like the norm is for family to bring dishes to share on all the other years.
I disagree with evety saying how thoughtful you were to host and provide everything.
Its not just YOUR Christmas, it was the family Christmas that you were finally able to take a turn hosting.
So instead of happily hosting and keeping the same traditions, you effectively said "Christmas is my way or the highway this year"
Yep, you're the AH |
WIBTAH If I stop being friends with people I have known for years over one person? | I F15 hold grudges hard and I am seriously considering getting rid of like the majority of the people I hang out with even though I have no other friends as they are very clearly kind to and hang out with a girl who said horrible stuff about me my cousin and about people of the same nationality as me and many of the people at my school. The first major thing she said to me that made me realise she was a bit mentally deranged was in the pe changing rooms when she said 'the only reason Caribbeans are lighter than other black people is because they were r by their slave owners' mind you she was laughing like it was funny when it is clearly not. The next thing she did was try and disturb me during a lesson where she sits behind me when she couldn't get my attention she resorted to saying 'I was a black goat,' "R (My cousin) does only fans where she sells feet pictures' and that she believed we were dating even though the first time we met her she knew we were cousins before we even had to tell her. The breaktime before that lesson she cane over to where we usually are and spoke to all of us like normal but when she turned to me she hit me so I hit her back then she burped in my ear the people I was talking to were very uncomfortable with her being there, I think its like a social cues thing where she doesn't understand when she should back off, then she decides to hug me and I mean really tight to the point where I start to freak out and I knee her to get away and she starts to act like I was the one who did everything to her and she did nothing to me. At Lunch time she came over to where I was and tried to act like nothing happened so I rightfully shouted "Get the f*** away from me!" and she tried to act like I was the rude one so my friends G,C,T&S tried to explain to her why what she did was wrong but she never took accountability for what she did and tried to act like nothing happened her only rebuttals was that she can't remember what she said because 'she says alot of stuff' and 'Why didn't I say anything at the time?' but when someone is shouting r at you its hard to get a word in andtI was literally too stunned to speak because who just says that to someone. Anyways my friends still talk to her like nothing happened today she started sitting at our table talking to G&Cllike besties and getting lunch with R like what she said was okay. I tried to explain ro R that its not just getting lunch with her its enabling her making her think that what she said was okay but she can't understand that. So AITA? | NTA. You can be friends with whoever you want. You don't have to keep friends because they've been friends. Some people mature and others don't. |
AITAH for cutting off my closest girl friend? | I (24 F) have been friends with this girl (21 F) for over 3 years throughout university, residence, and in our day to day lives. Throughout those years, I’ve had a crush on this guy (25 M) for 2 years. Those 2 years have been in the up’s and down’s of him letting me down, then proceeding to go on dates and be let down again. Yes, it was not the greatest choice in a man, yet at that time, I really liked him. My friend (21 F) has been there with me through that time, I have cried on her lap, talked about it with her, and all the conversations you can think of.
Last weekend, I threw my best friend a birthday party, where I invited all our friends, including the guy I liked (25 M). Right before the party, I talked with my best friend and the girl (21 F) on how nervous I am on seeing my crush, as the last time I saw him was a month ago when we went on a date. Throughout the party, I see my girl friend (21 F) and my crush together (25 M). I thought it was cute because maybe shes hyping me up and etc, as I was hosting a party, I wanted everyone to be comfortable. So I never thought twice about it.
The next day, I receive a message from her (21 F) saying he (25 M) asked her out, and asked if I would be upset if she went on the date with him. I told her, ‘well yes I would be upset’, but she proceeded to still go. She proceeded to send me photos of his place, and his cat. Not to make things for complicated, but my best friend and the girl (21 F) also live together. So, she (21 F) calls me the following day, and the initial question she asked me was to throw my other friend’s relationship under the bus, then proceeded to ask me why if I liked him (25 M) for 2 years, why couldn’t she go for him, cause “I did not get anywhere with him anyways”. I proceeded to ask her (21 F), if anything happened between her and my crush. She said she only made out, where I have other information that she did a lot more than just make out. I asked her for truthfulness and honesty, she lied in front of my face and swore on my (dead) mother that she would never do anything like that. Additionally, she (21 F) has asked my best friend to lie to me about the information she previously shared to him about my crush and what they have done together. Throughout the conversation, she never once apologized to me, or any remorse of the awkward situation she put everyone in.
Now like I said, my best friend and her (21 F) live together, as well as we’re apart of a larger group of friends. As I reread this, it does sound like high school, and I agree. However, from my perspective where I am the most upset about is the choice that was made that would only benefit her (21 F), and make not only my best friend’s living position difficult and walk on egg shells but also the entirety of the friend group. As much as I am a people pleaser, I do want to cut her off in my life where I feel like trust has been broken, especially being lied to. Yet, it does make it a lot more complicated for my friends around me and our friend group, and even more so my best friend who currently lives with her. Thus, AITAH for wanting to cut her out of my life? Or any suggestions on how to deal with a situation like this? Thank you :) | NTA with a caveat. She asked you in a performative way and ignored your response. Then essentially rubbed it in your face with pics and updates. She's not a friend. That said, why are you asking her about their intimacy? What are you getting out of investigating that? If he wanted to be with you, he wouldn't be asking out your friends. You're only hurting yourself by playing detective. Cut them both off and choose you. |
AITAH for telling my bf that getting raped is the risk I take when going out alone to sex parties? | I (23f) am a polyamorous swinger. I’ve been in lifestyle for a year now and have gone to lots of parties and events alone and with others. Admittedly there are some parties I attend that can be a bit shady. By that I mean that the people who go can be gropey/rapey towards the women who attend. One swinger couple I know hosts parties every week and so after work one day I decided I would go to their party. Now introducing my new boyfriend who we can call David (24m). David and I have been dating for less than a month though I have known him for some time now and considered him a really good friend before we decided to start going out. I have another partner and I also swing, both of these things he knew before entering a relationship with me.
I’m open with my partners about when I go to parties and I told David I was planning on going to this party. Then like an idiot I told him that I was just a little nervous bc the last time I went I almost got raped. (Guy was grinding on me dancing, and tried sticking his unwrapped dick in me since I wasn’t wearing underwear) David immediately got cold with me and when I asked what was up he asked me if I expected him to be happy I was putting myself in danger. I told him I understood his concern, but I have to accept rape as a potential outcome when going out alone to sex parties. He then tells me that if I’m dumb enough to go he hopes I make it home safe. He has never spoken to me like this before and I was in shock. I told him he didn’t have to like it but that my spaces are important to me regardless of how safe I feel in them. I’m not going to stay at home forever or wait until I have people who can go with me just because I’m afraid of getting raped. Women are just as entitled to space as men and I refuse to let fear ruin a good thing. I also asked him to please not call me dumb as it is incredibly condescending. I also don’t feel that me wanting to go to the party is dumb. I have genuine reasoning as to why I choose to take the risk and I’m not just doing it with the naive mentality that nothing is going to happen. He ignored my request to not call me dumb and just said to text him when I get home from the party. I ended up not going but I’m still upset he didn’t apologize or acknowledge that he called me dumb. My feelings are hurt but he’s also my boyfriend and I care a lot about him, so just in case, I have to ask, AITAH? | While his phrasing needs work, his heart is sound. When you invite people into your intimate life feelings develop. A loving and good man would have an issue with what you are doing. Sorry but YTA. |
AITAH for losing my shit and ask my fiance why he is with me | (First off let me say this whole thing was petty and I dont know why it got so big) me (31 f) and my fiance (39) have been together since I was 19, in the beginning of our relationship it started with accusations of cheating ( I understood for a little while bc his ex cheated) which was weird because I made it clear how disgusting I found cheaters to be and he is the only person ive ever been with intimately so why would get with him to just do something with other people but the accusations went on for 4-5 years and then he started drinking, I was same because we had no one to watch our son daycare was expensive I was a stay at home mom from 2014 till 2020 when our son started kindergarten then covid which intensified I guess his agitation towards me and his drinking everyday and my depression due to an ectopic pregnancy which he drunkenly blamed me for this was when he realized he had gone to far and stopped drinking. But any Backstory is to establish the years of accusations and just drunken rage towards me never physical but always belittling and mean. So 3 days ago he was drinking he came out and reminded me that I needed to wash clothes for the next day to register our son in public school (he was homeschooling) ( we dont have a washer/dryer so we have to wash in the tub which I procrastinate a lot due my rheumatoid arthritis) and I say "yeah I will here in a bit"
Him "now do it now", me " hmm.. I will" then he walks away and follow to use the bathroom but he's in there washing his work clothes so lm like tell me when your done. He finishes and then proceeds to ask our son where his dirty clothes were and he says "idk" and I look down and "say your stand.." he says "shut the f up" in shock im like "why are you being so rude to me" him "cause your a witch with a b" I tell my son I'll was his clothes I know where they are go to bed "dont call me a witch with a b, whats your problem" him "why are you being a bitch" I go in the bathroom and wash my clothes and our son's now he's mad because I told my son to go to bed instead of making him stay up and wash clothes it was already 11pm, while im washing clothes he talking about how im wasting water because at this point im kind of dissociating or zoning out because I dont deal with conflict well it makes physical ill,ive blacked before just because being angry is an overwhelming feeling for me my therapist explained this to me but I don't remember what she said, so the water was just running for over an hour and then I turn around and he's just staring at me then goes back in the room and then 5 minute later does the same thing which I didn't see and I pick my phone because of an notification and he like your wasting water being on your phone and that he thought we were a team and "I say we're not" and this mfer gets offended and I lose my mind "you're done now after all the bull you been doing the years of being told your not going to be like this just to do it again and again" and I dont remember a lot of what I said but I was getting angrier only because after every word he interrupted me to say im crazy and terrible person and how he didn't drink until he got with me and I say "im done.(unhinged laugh) im done with all of this.why tf are we together if I am such a terrible person and you feel like you have to drink because of me, I don't think you are a terrible person just drinking changes you and you act like you hate me when your drunk" it was like years of built up anger just came pouring out of me. And now I feel bad, feel numb and empty and Idk what to do. Im tired of be tired and I dont want to argue with anyone like why cant people just learn to express them selves without the conflict. Everytime someone does something to me and I defend myself they act as if I just came up to them and yelled for no reason and then I feel guilty and bad and I apologize for it with no return apologies because obviously its my fault but ive been treated like shit by my family from age 5 and up so when I met him I thought I would get to be happy and someone would love me. I honestly feel like im going crazy like certifably looney bin i can not take anymore. So am I the a hole | NTA, and it's time for this relationship to end. Life is way too short for this. It's been years, nothing has changed, time to start formulating a plan |
AItah?Am I right to be upset? | So my(23f) birthday is in a couple days, I've had this birthday dinner planned with a club I'm in for at least a month. I've told my family this multiple times while visiting(I don't live with my parents) including the date of the dinner more than once. It's a dinner I've mentioned also being really important because it's people I've come to see as family. Like we go over to each other's places to help out, have huge holiday plans together, and even meet up weekly to just hang out. And they love just celebrating each other's achievements and milestones.
Well I get home from work today and my older brother calls and asks if I would come by the house to help our mom do our dad's food stamps. I say that I have plans tonight to celebrate my birthday with the club and he just goes quiet for like a minute like he didn't expect that answer before saying "oh...I guess you can't. Bye"
Remember, This dinner had been mentioned multiple times and they even asked about it specifically by maybe 2 days ago. I told my boyfriend.
He said "why should you go over there to help with his food stamps? They never helped with your food stamps application when you asked. You figured it out yourself. So can they. You did it last time you don't need to do it again"
And I understand where he's coming from and I agree 100% because they also want me to start his disability paperwork after I've told them I didn't know anything about how to do it and to get someone who knows how.
I'm just so tired of being the one that's called for this and it's not even the first time. And I already know what they will expect.
I was expected to take off work, or find a way to if I wasn't, to do his application and help with his interview last time before he went back to work. I was expected to do write down the information of what he had to get for the application and where to send it. I was expected to take their phone calls asking me questions about how to check this or check that. I know it'll be the same this way around.
AITAH for not changing my plans to help my mom? | Their expectations are not your obligations. Their emotions are also not yours to manage.
NTA |
AITAH for going no contact with my ex after she dumped me and then spiraled? | I (26F) went no contact with my ex (23F) and now I feel like I am being made out to be cold and heartless, so I need an outside opinion.
My ex broke up with me because she wanted to try being intimate with other people. I was very much in love with her and completely devastated, but instead of doing the healthy thing and walking away, I agreed to stay friends.
That was a mistake.
For months after the breakup she kept me emotionally stuck. She would tell me about people she was hanging out with and things she had done since the breakup, details I never asked for. Other times she would act like we were still together, pet names, reminiscing, affection, just enough to keep me attached.
I was constantly hurt but kept telling myself I was being dramatic or too sensitive.
Eventually my cousin gave me a reality check, and I finally told my ex that this dynamic was not okay for me and that I needed to go no contact.
At first she seemed understanding.
That did not last.
When I stopped replying she started contacting me from new accounts after I blocked her. When that did not work she started messaging my cousins and friends. She then threatened to out me to my family if I did not respond.
After all of that she sent me a long emotional message about how much she misses me.
The message was full of “I miss our memories, I miss cuddling, I miss calling you Luna” (fake name), and how she is physically tired from missing me. She said she still loves me and that she was hurt because I once told her she was invalidating my feelings.
Important detail: she did not apologize for invalidating my feelings until I explicitly pointed it out to her. Now she is acting like that apology should erase the impact and that I am wrong for still being hurt by it.
She also said she cried a lot after the breakup and questioned how she was supposed to know that I was hurt too.
Just to be clear, she broke up with me so she could sleep with other people. Apparently I was supposed to formally announce that this hurt my feelings.
There was no apology for the harassment, the fake accounts, or the threats. Just a lot of “I miss you” and “I am hurting.”
I did not respond. I blocked everything. I warned my friends. I stayed no contact.
Now I am hearing, through other people, that I am cold, that I abandoned her when she was struggling, and that I should have talked it out instead of disappearing.
But every time I tried to talk things out before, I ended up apologizing for being hurt while she got to keep doing whatever she wanted.
So AITA for cutting off my ex after she dumped me, kept hurting me under the guise of friendship, escalated when I set boundaries, and then tried to guilt me back into contact? | NTA this is literally what it means to break up with someone. |
AITAH - Watching porn vs. my girlfriend feelings | I just got in an argument with my girlfriend looking for some perspective;
She found out a week ago that i watched a specific type type of porn, specifically porn with known actress from our state/area. (by going thru my browser history)
Honestly I don't watch porn every week and the genres varies but often end up in most watched or top rated. the names she saw wasnt a one time deal but she saw maybe the only time in 2025.
She never had problem with any type of porn before, but did have problem with some girl singer from around here so there's a link there i didn't see.
I don't mind being asked not to watch a specific type of porn but I got defensive with her going thru my laptop, and im not willing to be sorry for what i watched in my privacy.
She did say she was sorry for going thru my stuff, but she definetly expected more empathy from my part.
so reddit aitah ? | Bro, just dump her because you know as well as I do you aren’t going to stop looking at it and she deserves a guy who isn’t a gooner. Just the fact that you have to ask Reddit vs taking her perspective seriously says all I need to know..Save her the pain , end it now. |
WIBTAH for breaking up with my partner of 6 years because he’s too introverted? | My(28f) partner(28m) and I are currently having relationship issues. We have been together for 6, almost 7 years.
When we started dating, we both heavily played games, had terrible sleeping schedules and spent all our time at home, watching twitch streams. After Covid, I got a full time job, sold my pc and stopped gaming. Over the years, I have stepped out of my comfort zone and started to go to zoos, concerts, the cinema, etc.
My partner hates all of that. He thinking seeing movies in the cinema is “cringe”. He would “rather die” than go to dinner.
I was fine with that. My biggest issue is, I have friends that I can do all of this with, however he gets upset when I do. He makes fun of my friends, tells me to just stay home, etc.
6 years ago, we were the same level of introverted, but as I’m getting older, I’m finding I’m not introverted at all.
I want to travel, try new things, meet new people. I hate feeling like I’m doing something wrong by making plans without him or trying to force him to do things he doesn’t want to.
Will I be the asshole? | You've grown out of the relationship.That's ok. |
AITAH can a cheating secret be kept forever? | I cheated on my girlfriend: I downloaded Snapchat and hinge after coming home from the bar few nights ago. I messaged some girls on both apps. I knocked out and next morning woke up hungover and asked and received nudes on Snapchat and went on to porn to get myself off. I watched porn again right after for same reason. In middle of this I also messaged girls on hinge. My goal was to get nudes on there as well. But i was on hinge briefly and nothing came out of it. I deleted and deactivated everything right after.
I confessed to her yesterday about the Snapchat nudes and porn after sitting on it for 2 days. However, I left out the hinge messaging part. We cried and talked for hours. She then told me she needs time to think about it.
I would like advice on if I should call her again today and tell her also that I was on hinge. Or should I take it to my grave. I feel guilty. Do I protect her from more heartbreak or do I have a 100% honest relationship? I will never do such thing again. But still don’t feel well having kept that part out. Should this be kept a secret forever?
Little backstory. We are dating for 8 months and have been in a long distance (9 hour time difference) for 3 weeks. I want a long term relationship and marry this girl, I understand it’s out of my hands at this point. But willing to do whatever she asks of me.
TL;RD I cheated on my gf with receiving and nudes on Snapchat, messaging girls on hinge, and watching porn. Only told her about the Snapchat nudes and porn. Do I confess fully, including hinge or take it to the grave? | 1. Wrong sub.
2. If you're looking for judgement, then yes, YTA. Cheating = YTA. Always.
3. Come clean, unless you want to be even more of an AH. |
AITAH for suggesting my pregnancy maybe to blame when my husband asked about my oily face? | I (25f) went with my husband (25m) to the wedding of one of his cousins. I am 4 months pregnant. When I got in the car after the wedding, I was horrified when I saw my reflection. My face was super oily. My hair looked greasy. I felt gross.
When I got home, my husband asked why my face is so oily. He asked if it has something to do with the food I ate. I suggested that maybe my pregnancy was to blame. He got annoyed with me. He said I'm trying to make him feel guilty by trying to link it to my pregnancy. Am I the asshole? | NTA
Your husband sounds insecure. Producing extra oils is 100% a possibility while pregnant because of the extra hormones your body is producing. |
AITAH for leaving my partner even though he was a good provider and a good dad? (long as fuck sorry) | AITAH for leaving my partner even though he was a good provider and a good dad? (long as fuck sorry)
I (F30) just left my partner T (M47). We lived together with my kids. On paper he looks like a dream which is why everyone has an opinion and why I’m sitting here wondering if I’m the asshole.
Yes he’s a good provider. He works. Pays bills. Handles responsibilities. Shows up financially. He’s also good with my kids. Loves them. Helps. Plays. Is involved. Gives stability. From the outside he looks like the exact kind of man you’re “supposed” to stay with.
But his mouth is slick as hell. And that mouth slowly destroyed me.
Before him I was in a VERY abusive relationship with the father of my two youngest kids. Not “toxic.” Not arguing. REAL abuse. Physical violence. Control. Fear. Survival mode every single day. I was hit. Threatened. Isolated. There were times I genuinely did not know if I was going to make it out alive. My kids saw shit they never should’ve and I carry that guilt constantly.
That relationship fried my nervous system. I have chronic PTSD. Loud voices. Aggressive tone. Threats even if they’re “jokes.” Sudden movements. Being cornered. Being laughed at when I’m scared. All of that sends me straight back. My body reacts before my brain does. I shake. Freeze. Panic. Dissociate. I don’t choose that. It just happens.
And T knew all of this from day one.
We literally got together because he heard my story. He listened. He was gentle. Patient. Empathetic. Told me he understood trauma. Told me he wanted to be a safe place for me and my said he’d never be that man. THAT is why I trusted him. That’s how this relationship even happened.
But slowly he stopped being that guy.
For MONTHS I tried talking to him about how he talks to me. His tone. The slick comments. The dismissiveness. The talking down to me when he’s annoyed. Every single time I tried it turned into “you’re too sensitive,” “you’re reading into it,” “I didn’t mean it like that,” or straight up defensiveness. Nothing ever changed.
Same shit with my kids. He would say “I’m not your mama I’ll whoop you.” He swears it’s a joke. It NEVER felt like one. It felt aggressive. Threatening. Especially for kids who already have trauma. I told him so many fucking times to stop. Explained why. Begged honestly. He kept doing it.
So no. I didn’t blindside him. I didn’t bottle shit up. I didn’t just wake up and leave. I TRIED. Over and over.
Then Saturday night happened and that’s where everything snapped.
He pretended to punch me. Fake punch. Stomped his foot. Got in my face. And my body went straight into full panic mode. I started shaking uncontrollably. I told him VERY clearly don’t ever fucking do that again.
And he laughed.
He LAUGHED while I was shaking.
That was it. Something in my brain shut off. I didn’t think. I didn’t debate. My body said nope. Not safe. Done. He knew my history. He knew my triggers. And he still thought it was funny.
So I left.
I sent a calm ass message saying I needed space, that I was moving back to my apartment full time, that what happened crossed a boundary, and that I needed time and distance to get grounded again. I literally asked him not to push back.
He said “ok sorry.”
That’s it.
Then it was just logistics. Key on the table. Are we done. Yes.
After I left I tried ONE last time to explain because I didn’t want shit twisted. I explained EXACTLY what changed for me. The fake punch. The stomping. The laughing. I explained PTSD like I was talking to a wall. Even used the fireworks and veteran analogy. I made it clear I wasn’t accusing him of wanting to hit me. My body reacts regardless.
His responses just proved my point.
He minimized it. Said it wasn’t that serious. Said he didn’t say what I felt he said. Said I was aggravating and picking on him. Said that’s just the type of person he is and I’m not. Said I might need medication if it’s “that bad.” Said he’s never been with someone with the issues I have. Said people normally work through issues and don’t move out. Said we both have faults.
So basically everything except accountability.
He even accused me of lying because I said I was running errands and later packed my shit. Like sorry I didn’t give you a fucking itinerary while my nervous system was on fire.
There were so many other moments too. I fell and busted my head and arm on concrete one day. Crying. Kids checking on me. Told him and all I got was “don’t go to sleep.” No comfort. No checking on me. Nothing. I showered and cried alone.
There were also slick comments about my heritage and my kids. Jokes about their names being too complicated. Jokes leaning into stereotypes. He says it’s humor. It felt disrespectful as hell.
And what really sealed it for me was after the breakup. I tried to meet up to exchange stuff. He said he had groceries in the car and didn’t want to sit there while I talked about things. Called it a “grip session.” Told me to stop being demanding.
That was the moment I went oh. Okay. This is who you actually are.
So I told him thanks for the clarity and that I know my place. And I blocked him.
Because being a good provider does NOT cancel out emotional harm. Being a good dad does NOT give you a pass to disrespect the mother. My kids don’t just need money and stability. They need to see their mom treated with softness and respect. They need to see boundaries honored. They need to see that love doesn’t come with fear.
Now everyone’s telling me I threw away a good man. That I should’ve been grateful. That nobody’s perfect. That I let my trauma ruin a good relationship.
But fuck that.
I know what my body felt like. I know what it feels like to shake and be laughed at. I know what it feels like to explain yourself until you’re blue in the face and still be dismissed.
So AITAH?
TLDR: Left my partner (T) even though he provides and is good with my kids because he dismissed my trauma, used threatening “jokes,” fake punched me and laughed when I panicked, talked down to me, minimized everything afterward, suggested medication instead of accountability, and made me feel emotionally unsafe. He knew my abusive past and was empathetic at first but changed. AITAH? | The first time I heard the statement " he's a good man, he doesn't cheat or hit me", I thought good God when did the bar get so low.
This is the case here. The man was/is emotionally abusive toward you. So not a good dad and money means nothing in this case.
NTA. |
Wibtah if take our roommates nasty garbage she has piled up and put it in front of her door? |
I (22 F) and my bf(23 M) live in a 3 story house with 6 other people and a new baby.
We pay $1000 in rent for the downstairs livingroom area, no doors. Everyone else who pays something only pays $500. And they all have doors (mini rant over sorry)
We live in the basement with a couple and their new baby. They have 2 rooms in fact. We share the downstairs bathroom. The woman that had the baby obviously is using pads and theirs baby diapers, that's all understandable.
It's a problem when it is literally packed into the corner between the counter and the toilet. Bloody pads and poopy diapers on the floor stacked up to the toilet lid. It's disgusting. They have been asked to clean it up, and actually tried to blame the pads on me, when (tmi) i use a diva cup, not pads.
So I am petty and want to put some gloves on, unpack it all and place it all so very nicely in front of their door, no bag.
I know I'll be sort of an asshole, and it will likely bring problems but im not a maid. So will I be a really bad asshole?
Edit: the baby was born at the end of November. The father wants the BM to leave so he can get back with his other BM. We are working on finding a place but it's $3000 down to get a freaking apartment. This also isn't the only instance of them just being a plain awful roommate. She uses my shampoo and conditioner, I've started taking it out of the bathroom. We are always buying the toilet paper. There was literally shit running down the toilet lid like 2 weeks ago and I told her I was not going to be the one to clean it up. | I can't get over the fact you're paying 1k a month for..a living room? And nothing else? The main assholes here seem to be you and your boyfriend for doing this to yourself . What even. |
AITAH for making my husband pick up our daughter from school and take her home with him | I F32 asked my husband M30 to pick our daughter F4.5 from school since he was leaving work early. He's not sick or anything he just "doesnt want to be there". I normally pick her up after school on Mondays and I have to bring her to my work with me since we're normally both still working when she's done. My work is pretty cool about it but I try not to take advantage of it. My husband works 2 miles from her school and has to basically drive by to go home so I asked him to just pick her up since he's leaving work and planning on going straight home. He got upset and asked if he could drop her off at my work and I told him I was pretty busy today and it would be super helpful if he could just take her home. He got upset and then stated that when I got home from work he has to leave and "do stuff". When i asked what he needed to do he didnt want to tell me and then said he needed to return things to home depot. I told him there is no reason why he wouldnt be able to do that before grabbing her or even while he has her as she loves doing things with her dad and he started ranting about not wanting to take her with him. Now he NEVER takes the kids alone to do anything. It is SO frustrating. He also stated he cant clean the house with her there and how im ruining his plans. He has probably gone to the store alone with the kids maybe 4 times. I literally have to do everything with the kids, even work. I work from home 2 times during the week to take care of other daughter 2F. I feel like I'm asking the bare minimum right now of parenting. AITH? | Bro your husband is acting like a child not a father. What kind of dad doesn't want to spend time with kids? Not cool man |
AITAH for not wanting to do anything with my Dad’s sister after wha she did at my brother’s funeral? | Long story short, my dad’s sister yelled at my mom and aunt (mom’s twin sister) for asking my brother’s abusers to not show up at my his burial after all that they did to him. She yelled right as my brother was being loaded into the hearse. I told my dad I wanted nothing to do with her and he keeps trying to mediate. It’s gotten to the point were I want to kick his ass (I’m bigger and stronger than him) as well as his bastard sister. Same goes for my brother’s abusers who btw my dad defends them despite everything they did to his own son. | Leave your father with no uncertainty about what will occur if he doesn't stop trying to mediate (I can't say it any clearer on Reddit without getting banned), also, leave him with a clear understanding about what will occur if he defends your brother's abusers within earshot of you.
You may have to demonstrate consequences at some point - when you do, do it immediately, and then... go on with your day as if nothing's occurred. |
WIBTAH if I refuse to look after my granddaughter for 4 days? | I have bipolar disorder and I have been in my current depressive episode for some time now.
I have been so unwell that my psychiatrist is doubling the dose of my medication weekly with the plan of starting ECT (electric shock treatment)in a couple of weeks if there has not been a significant improvement in my symptoms.
I told my daughter about this and she did not seem concerned other than the fact I would not be able to look after my granddaughter after school on treatment days because the treatment requires a general anaesthetic.
My husband also explained this to her.
At the weekend she announced that she was planning a long weekend abroad in a few weeks.
She did not ask if I could care for my granddaughter first.
I explained that this would clash with the potential treatments. She replied that her daughter did not need a lot of looking after.
I am struggling at the moment looking after my granddaughter and making her dinner after school as it is.
WIBTAH if I tell my daughter that she will have to make alternative childcare arrangements for her trip? | NTA. Your daughter sounds very inconsiderate |
AITAH for threatening my partner with a breakup if he doesn’t take my business plan seriously? | Edit: I understand that threatening to breakup with him was an asshole move. But everything else is too nuanced for you Redditors. Good day :)
My partner (M,30) and I (F,27) have decided we want to plan for our future. He has extensive experience in his field, he is a concrete service Foreman. He wants to get married and have children right now but I’ve discussed with him about my hesitancy because I do not believe that his current job will be enough to create a comfortable life for our children and their grandchildren. However, I do know that I want children with him in the future. I already have a child from another relationship and it has made it difficult for me to work a basic 9 to 5 type of job. I have very little support in terms of family and I did not yet attend college so although I don’t have much to show for in materials, I am very logical and intelligent. We’ve made an agreement that he would work on creating his own concrete business by doing small side jobs to start while I start taking classes. I’ve come to notice that he is really blase’ about the business idea and he lacks confidence in his ability to sustain a business. I speak good energy into him on a daily basis. I’ve taken the initiative to write out a rough draft of the business plan and he is changing the plan in ways that don’t make sense logically even though I’ve written it down and have gone through every detail with him. He just isn’t getting it. I will say he has trouble grasping deep concepts, but I feel his lack of acuity stems from his declining mental health. He tends to argue and focus on the negative things from the past and is not learning from his mistakes and moving forward with life. We had a lot of problems last year because of his inability to be accountable for the mistakes that he had made (talking to women behind my back). He finally had a eureka moment about 2 weeks ago and we had a few intense heart to heart conversations where he FINALLY took accountability for the way he had been treating me. We’ve been in a wonderful spot. But I feel he still lacks respect for me because he won’t take my business outline seriously (laughs at me, rolls his eyes, groans) when I discuss it with him and is dragging his feet. It’s making me question how he can say he loves me but then acts like this. Although I believe he may be depressed because he’s gone through a lot, at what point do I jump ship if the person I’m with keeps pulling me down and won’t change for the greater good? To me it represents his lack of actually wanting a future with me. Please help, all opinions are welcome and appreciated. | Leave this man alone. YTA for wanting to change somebody who doesn't want to change. |
AITAH for not wanting to be with my ex. | | 19M met this girl 17F in high school, and we became friends. She told me she was 15 when I was 16, and we just talked and hung out as friends for a long time. After graduation, we started to get closer, and eventually, we started dating. I really fell for her, and I thought we had something special. However, after a few months, she confided in me that she had lied about her age.
She's actually 17 now, and I'm 19. That means I was with someone who was still a minor the entire time. Honestly, I felt disgusted and disappointed we talked it out after about a month, and l've been rethinking whether I should pursue anything further. The thing is, she's still in school, and I'll be turning 20 soon, while she's still 17 for a few more months. I feel gross about the situation, and I'm unsure if I should keep a distance. She keeps saying it's only two years, and it's not a big deal, but I can't shake the feeling that it's wrong, especially considering the age difference and the fact that I will turn 20 while she's still 17 for some months. I also worry that I might have hurt her feelings by repeatedly rejecting her or pulling away. I genuinely care about her, but I'm conflicted about where to go from here. I just want to do what's right, both for myself and for her.
Edit: Over time, I even met her parents, and they knew about the age gap the whole time didn’t even care which is a shock to me. | Not sure if this is an AITAH post but you do you what is right for you & you alone. There's no point in staying in a relationship that you are unhappy / uncomfortable in just so that the other person (who in this case lied to you about their age) is upset. |
AITAH for blocking my ex-girlfriend | So my ex has been on and off homeless for the better part of the time I’ve known her because of her family situation. She’s always had mental problems as well as addiction problems but I knew that going into it and was willing to try to make things work. The entirety of the relationship, she’d only spend about 10-15 minutes together every time we saw each other because of “family reasons,” she was letting “a friend,” a guy, stay with her when she was living at home and would constantly ask for money. We broke up after a few months because it felt like she’d get upset if I wouldn’t pay for whatever it was she needed money for.
Recently, we’d started talking on snapchat again and it turned out she was homeless…. Again. I told her that if I could afford to help her, I would try because I don’t want to see anyone I care about in that position. Well, I left my decent paying job in mid-October and didn’t have an offer for another until the beginning of December so money was and still is tight due to student loans and other bills. The other night on snapchat she sent out what I thought was probably a mass snap saying something along the lines of “f\*ck those of you who wouldn’t help me when I needed it. I’ll remember this.” And yesterday, I got a message in the dm’s saying “I’m done. Thanks for really being there because you “care” so much.”
Now, I’d always felt like she was emotionally and financially abusive but also a huge narcissist. I finally reached my breaking point last night when I saw her sarcastic dm and blocked her. I can’t help but feel guilty now. So Reddit, AITAH? | NTA
You should have blocked her a while go, but hindsight huh? Move on from this dumpster fire. All she wants from everyone is a handout, not help. |
AITAH for refusing to talk to my fiancee after she secretly replaced my wedding dress with a cheap copy to save her money? | 27M and 27F. Getting married in Feb. In our culture, the Groom buys bride's wedding dress, and the bride buys groom's wedding dress.
The groom's dress is called "Sherwani" and the bride's one is called "Lehenga". To keep things fair, the price range for their dress is decided in advanced.
We're a little sentimental for wedding clothes, decided to go on a higher end, chose a popular wedding attire brand. Did all the shopping together, she picked this lehenga of her choice and I also found a marvelous piece of Sherwani.
My choice was a little more expensive than hers, but it was still within the price range we had set. Both of us agreed, finalized the clothes. We didn't brought them home immediately, because they needed some customizations according to our body measurements.
She was supposed to pick my dress when it's ready after a few days and send it to my home around 1 month before the wedding.
I had to do the same thing too, and I did. I received my Sherwani from her 2 days ago. My whole family was excited, had a close look and multiple trials, when I realized that
Although it looks veryy similar, but it's not the dress which I picked. The quality is not up to the mark, stitching and finishing is nowhere as good as the one I had seen in the showroom.
There was no brand tag behind the collar too, at first I assumed that we got played by the seller. But I contacted her first, told her everything, and my planning of confronting the seller.
But she tried to make me believe that it's same, that she checked it before sending it to me, etc. Basically she got kinda restless when I was heIIbent on going to the showroom.
In the end she confessed that it's indeed not the same dress, but it's not the seller's mistake, basically she picked up a cheaper copy and sent it to me, because
Even though we had set same price range for our dresses, she "presumed" that my dress would be less costlier than hers, as women clothes are generally heavier, fancier here and she thought that the Sherwani I selected was good but not "worth" that price.
I asked her (in a lightly pissed tone) why she didn't share her views before the purchase, she had no solid answer. Just for clarity, we both earn decent and the price range was mutually fixed. She frequently spends on what I feel are expensive make-up products.
I picked up the dress and went to her home, showed her how different it is from the original, how disrespectful, heartbreaking and trust breaking it is to secretly change your partner's wedding dress just to save some cash.
(I see no reason other than her being stingy for doing this to me). I was super disappointed, left that dress at her place and came back home. We had no contact since then, I believe she's the one very wrong here, so she should reach me out.
My family was initially hurt too, but now they've started to say to not "overreact" as it might come to our wedding. AITA I'm still taking my stand. | NTA. I think you have some hard decisions to make on whether this is someone you want to marry. |
WIBTAH for blocking my neighbor | For context, I've been staying in my apartment for close to two years and in those earlier years when I recently moved in, a situation occurred where my then neighbors came to my aid and I wouldn't say ve became close but there was some sort of riendship. Along the way, I got to know some of heir friends from when I'd visit their apartment but I Iways kept my distance. Around September, I started getting closer to a friend of theirs, who's now moved in because they've moved out of the apartment. We'll call him dog. So one night my gas finishes while I'm cooking and I have to borrow dogs gas. This was the day he got my number to call me if he needed the gas at any point in time. I go to school and I have a faulty heater so I boil water every morning for my bath. We start talking and things are good. Dog is a nice guy and we quickly become friends. I start going over to his apartment mainly because he cooks and invites to eat. Towards the new year, I noticed a change in his behavior. Not really a change but that he was becoming chummy, like coming close to my face or ear to ask me questions like, if I wanted to eat now, sending suggestive messages and such. My suspicion that he had feelings for me at was one point where he made a comment about not asking me out on a date yet. He said this and just brushed over it and I'm not the type of person to drag something out so I didn't say anything. Come new year and he sends a message that everyone thinks is from my boyfriend.
Now this is my que to shut it down. So I question him about the way he referred to me and he says he refers to all his friends like so. Hmm. I draw a line and leave it at that. But we keep things civil until days later he texts to tell me he has feelings for me.
ATP I'm sorta lost because I know that he's lying.
My flatmate who also speaks to him had a conversation with me about how she feels uncomfortable with him and is planning on keeping her distance but doesn't know how to go about without it seeming awkward. With her too, he's said he's quote that way with all his female friends but it's one thing to be a nice guy and literally over do it to the point where it's uncomfortable. Just yesterday, he bought some stuffs for us and we took it even though we were uncomfortable. For what it's worth, this man is much older or so we've ruled out because he has a daughter although unmarried. So my question now, WIBTAH if I suddenly block dog and stop speaking to him which I plan on doing I but gradually to avoid any conflict because like I've said, we're neighbors and both I and my flatmate are on speaking terms with his friends and flatmate. | [ERROR] |
AITAH if I like my guy BSF? | Edit: forgot to add some other details.
I (19f) am friends with a guy (19m). Let’s call him Gary (not real name).
I met him in November of 2025 and we became friends over some funny circumstances but we instantly clicked and became close. My friend , let’s call her Mona (not real name) also met him at the same time I did and she also befriend him.
During December him and I got really close , everyday texting, staying up on calls, etc. I started to get attached to him and finding some of his interests and behaviour cute. He’s nerdy , really into marine biology , likes anime like I do. He recently got me into pokemon as well.
Now the reason why I think I might be an asshole is that, my friend Mona had texted me in mid-December asking me if I liked him because she liked him as well.
I panicked and said “no not really, I don’t think so” because:
1. I’ve never had a crush on anyone before at ALL , so I was very confused and conflicted about my feelings because I couldn’t tell if I liked him or if he was an FP (favourite person for someone who has BPD which I do)
2. I can’t date, so I felt bad that it would be selfish of me to let her back off when I can’t even be with him (I’m conservative muslim)
It’s January now and I feel like he’s slowly started to not text me as often or enjoy talking to me. Hes been leaving me on seen sometimes, rarely sends me reels (all of this he used to do back in December)
Tried to hang out with him but a last minute family errand made the plans not work out (I feel like deep down , he made it up not to hang out with me)
He’s always mentioning Mona in all our conversations, like for example:
“Mona and I are going to hang out tmrw”
“Mona and I got matching pokemon cards”
“Mona is gonna be at xyz event”
And it’s slowly eating at me even though I know I have no right to be upset.
Maybe it’s because I know that he probably likes her. she’s very pretty and I’m not conventionally attractive or someone’s type (I wear a hijab also don’t wear make up) <not tryna fish for compliments or anything just giving real context>
So am I the asshole for still having feelings for him?
And how do I get rid of these feelings, I really don’t want to lose him as friend or lose Mona.
| NTA - You aren't an asshole for any of it, feelings are feelings.
At the end of the day you said you werent into him, admitting you lied now would cause real friction. |
AITAH for calling CPS on my SIL? | I (28F) have been married to my husband for 8 years. His oldest sister (“Kim”) has four kids (ages 5–10). Their grandma feeds and takes care of them most days. Kim receives food benefits for the kids.
Recently, Kim sold all of her food benefits and bought no groceries. After arguing with their grandma, she took the kids home. The next day she brought them back, and the kids were crying and said they were hungry — they had only eaten a bowl of ramen the night before.
I felt this crossed into neglect and called CPS. Now most of the family is angry and says I should have stayed out of it because it’s a “family matter.” This caused tension between my husband and his mom.
AITAH for getting involved? | NTA. Putting the needs of children first is not a ‘family matter’ IMO. It is a moral compass. What is she selling her food assistance for? What else may be hidden in this situation? |
WIBTAH: canceled date due to poor sleep? | I (29F) have been talking with this guy, "Bob" for a couple days on Bumble. He's seems quirky and cute and loves books more than I do. He lives at least an hour out the way, I'm physically disabled, (I've told him) and I even think he's autistic.
I make a point not to cancel last minute as no one likes being stood up, (we meet for coffee today at 5) but I have bad insomnia. I didn't Sleep AT ALL last night. Literally wide awake.
Would I be the AH if I canceled before 5? Should I just go? | If you really do need to cancel that’s fine, but tell him you want to reschedule at the same time or he might think you’re making excuses to not see him.
Just be truthful on why, and reschedule for sometime soon.
Stuff like this happens. If he has an issue with that then red flags found and avoided before the start. But if he is patient and understanding then green flags from the start. |
AITAH for getting irritated while shopping? | I (F20) went shopping with my mom and aunt for some clothes at boutiques. While shopping, the sales lady forced me to go try on some garments which I didn’t like, and told my aunt and mom about it when I came out. I specifically used the words that X product isn’t good, it’s not doing what it’s supposed to do.
Now, before the next part, I get irritated quickly while shopping, especially when my boundaries are crossed. I hate it when people show me things i’ve explicitly not asked for, and I usually have clear ones in terms of cuts and colors.
I understand I shouldn’t have insulted the product in front of the sales lady, but I wasn’t sure how else to communicate my thoughts to my mom. When i did so, she told me to shut up, and went on shopping. I decided I didn’t want anything, and while my mom was still shopping, the sales lady kept on showing me more products, which I said I didn’t want and wasn’t going to buy.
After we left the shop, I sat in the backseat of the car and quiet because I felt angry inside and didn’t want to hurt others, while my mom started complaining about me to my aunt, about how i’ve done this for years and for no reason. i’ve previously told my mom exactly what makes me angry but ig she’s valid. I’m probably the asshole till this point but then they started making fun of me like ohh she’s so angry you can’t make her do anything and ohh she’s so perfectionist the whole world would stop working if people were like her. we stopped for dinner and i accidentally ordered the wrong thing which i was fine with eating and told my companions so, but they still said things like ohhh we better order the correct thing because she’s so moody.
Idk. I feel like I could have been nicer to the sales people even thought i didn’t yell or change my tone, but was my aunt and mothers reaction warranted? AITAH? | Ehh, YTA. I get becoming irritated, but by 20 you should have figured out how to politely decline with the salesperson and say you don't need assistance. A simple "if I need you, I'll let you know" would suffice. |
WIBTAH if I tell my neighbor's clients about the guy coming to her house? | I live in a townhouse. My neighbor, who I share a wall with, runs an in-home daycare. I don't really care because her operating hours don't overlap with my sleep schedule. She is open Mon-Fri from 7AM to 6PM. I work Sun-Wed and have to get up at 2:30AM for work. When her last kid leaves there is usually no noise, and I am able to sleep from 6:30 to 2:30 completely uninterrupted. So it really doesn't bother me that she's there! This isn't me trying to create problems for her. Thursdays and Fridays I am usually out running errands, and when I'm hope the noise isn't truly that distracting. If it is I just put on some music.
My concerns began a month ago. It's just her and her daughter that work at the daycare. I noticed that her daughter was being dropped off by a guy in the mornings, probably a new boyfriend, none of my business. He would drop her off and leave, but then after all the kids had arrived, he would come back. Like I said, I'm not always home on my days off, but I slowly noticed a pattern. Guy drops daughter off at 5:30-5:45. Guy returns around 9:30-10. Guy leaves at 3:30. Parents start trickling in to pick up their kids at four. Latest dropoffs seem to be at nine.
I'm torn here because it seems obvious to me that he is concealing his presence from these parents. However, I could be wrong. It could be that he is just trying to keep out from underfoot during high traffic times. It could also be that he has stuff to do during those times. It also seems silly that they'd be keeping him a secret, because wouldn't the kids say something to their parents?
So I'm torn. Half of me thinks I should say something to one of the parents about the guy. The other half thinks I should not be interfering with my neighbor. Everytime I think I definitely should pick one option I think of a dozen reasons to pick the other. I keep thinking it's harmless to say something if nothing is going on, but I don't want to start a fued with my neighbor. My neighbor on the other side of me already thinks I'm am asshole because I won't let him use my parking spot. I don't want two neighbors to think I'm an asshole. I'd probably have to move. | He spends all day in that house during day care hours and conveniently leaves when the parents are picking up their kids? I would be pissed if i had kids she was looking after wtf is he doing all day there. Is he employed by your neighbour if so why leave before parents pick up the kids? Ask one of the parents casually if they employed a new male worker recently.
A woman used to babysit children for parents…. Allowed her bf to be present when she was doing this. Then left a child she was babysitting in her bf care because she had to run an errand. Came back baby was “sleeping” so the bf told her. Hours go by she wants to wake baby up finds the kid was dead. Parents need to always know who is around their kids. |
AITAH for cutting off two friends after they betrayed my trust and caused ongoing drama? | Hi Reddit, I’m going through a tough situation with two former friends, and I’m not sure if I did the right thing. I’m in college and have been friends with them for a few years.
One of my ex best friends started posting really hurtful things about me on social media. He used offensive language, made personal attacks about how I look, and even shared drawings that made fun of my insecurities. I only found out because someone else told/showed me (It was on his private story). He was ignoring me, and I tried to ignore him after finding out, but he gave a vague excuse for ignoring me, saying he was tired. During that time, he made those posts and said that if that someone hadn’t told me, none of this would of happened. He gave me a gift to apologize but never actually talked to me about what he did.
Things got worse when the another ex-friend offered to be a “spy” to see what the first ex-friend was saying behind my back. They wanted to be a “middleman” and stay neutral, but they didn’t and started to side with the ex friend. They accessed a friend’s social media account without permission not once but a few times, even after being asked multiple times to log out. They read private group chats that they weren’t a part of and shared what they found with the ex friend, causing gossip and misunderstandings that kept the drama going. When confronted, they admitted to accessing the account but said they "didn’t trust us" and thought we were talking behind their back instead of taking responsibility.
After we had a conversation online where we agreed to stop communicating and set boundaries, this ex-friend messaged me but then ran to their friends saying they were relieved and denying that they targeted me. They asked the friend whose social media account they logged into if they were okay, which caused my friend to panic and say yes. Then the ex-friend seemed confused about why I was more upset than my friend about the situation. That felt like they were minimizing and avoiding/not acknowledging what they did.
Because of all this, I cut ties with both of them. I still see them around often, which makes things harder. AITAH for ending these friendships after everything that happened? | You’re asking if you’re the AH for ending relationships with two backstabbing lying losers who secretly hated you while pretending to be your friend? Are you serious? |
AITAH for giving my siblings baked goods for Christmas? | Hi this is the first time I’ve done this and I’m only doing this cause this has been bothering me, i am a 34 year old male, I have 3 siblings one older sister +1 years older than me, 2 younger brothers -3 and -4 years younger than me, my sist has 2 kids one daughter 10 yrs and a son 5 yrs my middle brother has a son that’s 3, this Christmas when we went gift shopping we tried to be personal for the kids, and get them each something we thought they’d love, my niece got a loungefly? The Disney back packs, I think that’s what it’s called, back pack Pokémon themed with here favorite pokemon, eevee and all its eevelutions, my older nephew we got him a monster cop truck cause he absolutely loves both monster truck and cops, he always makes me go say hi to cops whenever we see one and I’m watching him, and my youngest nephew and construction toy set that lights up and makes noises, my dad got a cheese board from mooville, and my mother also got a loungefly bag, now my siblings, they got baked goods, my GF who I’ll add, got up at 2:30 am to go to work, and didn’t get home till 6-7pm ish decided she’d bake cookies for my siblings, she baked multiple types of cookies both Christmas Eve night and Christmas morning for them, from peanut butter chocolate chip to no bakes to sugar cookies, and each sibling got an equal assortment of these cookies, we get to Christmas and we’re having a good time watching the kids open presents, I even talked to my sister about taking my niece to universal with us cause her and I are big Harry Potter fans and from the same house, HUFFLEPUFF!!!!, and reminded my youngest brother I was still gunna take him to the movies, we’d already planned on going because a movie we both wanted to see had just come out, at the end of the day my GF and I went home happy and full, but the next day I got the message that really set me off, from my mother and I quote,”So. (Sister) kinda feels she go the short end of the stick… getting cookies. You gave (niece) and I kick ass bags, taking (youngest brother) to movies, got dad a cool food basket, the boys both got trucks they liked (not as cool as the bags but still cool) lol….. and she got cookies….
She had no money and everyone go the same thing
And I reminded her that ALL my siblings got the same gift and she commenced to argue with me about it, she kept trying to get me to see it “from her perspective” in the end my GF and I decided, and told my mother, that from now on every sibling niece and nephew would only be getting a card from us
Am I the asshole here? | Whoever complained get them nothing next Christmas. |
AITAH for wanting to walk on my treadmill when my partner and I watch tv at night? | My (37m) partner (30f) and I live pretty busy lives. Some of the most reliable and consistent time we spend together is spent watching a tv show together before we go to bed. I’ve been trying to exercise more, and I recently got a treadmill. Sometimes after I get home from work and finish doing everything I need to do, I’m just finding that I don’t have that much time to exercise.
I feel like my mental health has taken a hit. This time of year is hard for me. Anyway, I started walking on my treadmill during the time that my partner and I normally watch tv together. I told her that I’d still like to watch tv, I’ll just be on the treadmill now, but she said that she likes to snuggle with me, and it’s not the same experience if I’m on the treadmill. She said it doesn’t feel as much like we’re sharing something together. She also said it’s loud and it makes it so we have to turn up the volume on the tv.
Anyway, I said that it’s important to me to exercise, and that this is one of the only times that I feel like can, and that I was sorry I didn’t check in with her first about it. She got upset and I ended up moving my treadmill to the basement and now for the past week, we’ve been spending even less time together.
I’m in my head about the whole thing. I want to be able to spend more time together, but I’ve really been feeling like I need to take the time. AITAH? Should I try to somehow fit the time in elsewhere? I have a long commute to work and leave at 6:30am and am not back until 6:00pm a lot of the time.
Update: thanks for all your responses, everyone. To answer some of your questions, I go on the treadmill for about an hour at a lower speed/higher incline, so it works well for about one episode of a show. This would be right before bed for both of us, so I see what the person means saying this affects her routine too and how someone being on a treadmill is not relaxing.
As for time, it takes a little while to get ready for work, and to get a full 8 hours—which we both try to do—we really have to be finishing the show by about 8:30pm, which leaves me with only 6-7:15 or so to do all the stuff in the evening I need to do—feed the cats, make/eat dinner, etc. Compromising would be the best thing, seriously, but it just doesn’t feel like there’s enough time for everything. | NAH
It seems like there's room for compromise here. If you get home at 6, you have 4ish hours before you need to go to bed. Can you exercise for 30 minutes right when you get home and then spend the rest of the evening together? Or spend part of your TV time exercising and the rest cuddling?
It doesn't need to be one or the other. |
AITAH for being impatient on a girl’s trip? | Before the flight there, she was late about an hour after our agreed meeting time to the airport to check in. Didn’t end up being a big deal because we still had plenty of time to wait to board, plus our flight kept getting delayed, I kept a mental note she’s not punctual for most things we plan so I intentionally said to meet a couple hours before the flight. During the trip we were late to literally all reservations, had ubers waiting, missed trains, and didn’t get out the hotel until 12pm waiting for her to be ready. Everyone that was invited would be ready on time waiting for her. At this point it was getting on my nerves, but I didn’t say anything because it was her birthday and if the pace she’s moving at was satisfying to her then so be it. I would’ve been said something if this was a regular trip, but we’re going by her itinerary.
Fast forward to going home, we need to check out of the hotel. I packed my bag the night before and slept in my airport outfit so I can just get up and go (flight was at the crack of dawn). I suggested she do the same because we’re running on 3 hours of sleep. She insists she’ll be able to get her things ready when she wakes up and before check out. We miss our first uber back to the airport because she’s scrambling getting her things together. We get to the airport and luckily flight was delayed. We have a connecting flight and we basically had 20 minutes to off board the first plane to the second. I tell her since we were group C, we need to run to this gate in order to be on time, the next flight wasn’t until 10 hours later. (I refused to wait for the next flight I was ready to go home!!) Our gate was across the airport, I encouraged her to start jogging to the gate but she had no sense of urgency. Our plane status was literally “boarding”. I start running I turn around and she’s down the hall. I’m so confused why she’s walking and I say “WE’RE GONNA MISS OUR FLIGHT COME ON” because I’d really be the AH if I left her!
We get on the plane and we’re re the last ones to board. There was a family being held back at the boarding gate and that was probably the only reason they didn’t close yet. Since everyone boarded already, we had to sit apart. I was super anxious at this point and didn’t say anything until we landed. When we touched down, I told her I’m glad we made it and I hope she enjoyed her birthday and the activities she planned. We let off on a good note.
3 days later she texts me a wall of words saying how my tone when boarding the flight made her feel uncomfortable and she don’t want to bring it up earlier because we were having a good time. I mentioned her lack of urgency, how I tried to nicely encourage her to pick up the pace, and how it’d be an AH move for me to board the plane without her so that’s why I was hurrying her. All of this was making me pretty nervous I admitted and I wouldn’t be surprised if you could hear it in my voice. She reiterated how she didn’t appreciate my tone and did not acknowledge any of what I said. I apologized for being short with her and how my actions offended her but looking back am I really the AH?? | Honestly, I probably would have left her. Why should you miss your flight because she can't be on time? You need to be honest with her if you want any chance of maintaining this friendship. |
AITAH for being uncomfortable with GF sleeping in same bed as non-binary friend this week? | my GF told me last week that she was gonna spend the day and then sleep at her friends house where they’d be sleeping in the same bed, to which I assumed was a female friend. Come that day she casually slipped in that her friends (biologically F) is identifying as a M and is attracted to F, which I didn’t know prior to that moment. AITAH for being uncomfortable with her sleeping in the same bed as someone attracted to F and not telling me about it? I feel like it should at least been discussed as I feel she would be uncomfortable if I slept in the same bed as someone attracted to M independent of gender? | How did sleeping in the same bed become the only option? No spare bed, mattress or couch available? |
AITAH for refusing to pay my parents rent | I would like to start by saying, yes i understand the rise of entitled children in my generation. i understand that entitled people are obnoxious. so let me know if i am being entitled.
I don’t exactly know where to start since my flip-out was caused by years of frustration.
i am a broke 19 year old college student who does online college courses, that i pay out of pocket for. i have no financial help from my parents at all. to afford this, i work full time as a technician in a doctors office.
my dream was to go to school in florida. i didn’t go because my parents heavily advised me not to. whether it be guilt tripping ab me “leaving them when they’ve always been there for me”, telling me i’d never survive by myself, or just them being openly downright angry with me. i am a people pleaser, and i do love my parents, so i gave in and agreed to do a local community college until further notice.
I pay for my own transportation to work, i buy my own groceries, i pay my own phone bill, pay for all my necessities, along with paying the huge bill of school.
my parents make a lot of money. a lot of it. i however have never seen a dime of it, and i don’t expect to. it’s not mine, i didn’t work for it, im not owed it. however they want to charge me rent.
my parents have always been such helicopter parents. they have always gone through my phone (which stopped a few months before turning 19), they’ve always gone through my room, and interrogated me about EVERYTHING. this week i told my dad i didn’t want him going through my room, and requested he didn’t. it feels like an invasion of privacy as i am an adult. in hindsight i can see the entitlement, since it isn’t my house even if it is technically my room. however he met me with anger saying he was going to search my room since im “clearly hiding something.” this caused me to be angry but what rly pushed me over the top was what transpired the next day.
i wear fake eyelashes. some people hate them, some people love them. i personally love them. my dad hates them. he continues to say that they look terrible and i’m not allowed to wear fake eyelashes so long as i live under his roof. well my boyfriend surprised me and took me to get my lashes professionally done. i did not decline as i was excited! the next morning my dad notices and flips out. he tells me they look terrible yada yada yada. he accuses me of spending my money on things that aren’t necessary. i told him i didn’t pay for them, my boyfriend did. he accuses me of lying and demands to see my bank account and he wants to see my savings. this enraged me because again, he’s overstepping. it’s not his business. maybe it’s because my frontal lobe isn’t quite developed, but i feel as though i have my life together. he does not need to worry about the money i work hard to earn.
i storm out the door and yell “i can’t stand you!” before heading to work.
he texts me and tells me that because of this he’s writing up a contract for rent to live in his house.
i told him id move out before paying him rent to live in a home with the smallest room, helicopter parents, a curfew of 10 pm as an almost 20 year old, and no privacy. he’s accusing me of being stubborn and entitled. AITAH? | Just move in with your boyfriend. |
WIBTAH???? | Would I be the asshole if I left my partner because his deliberately choosing to do things his way only and no one else?
Hi reddit, I think I need a different perspective regarding my situation.
I'm sorry that this may be a bit long but I'm going try and explain everything so it all makes sense.
I 26 (f) and my partner 26 (m) have been together for the past 7 and approach our 8th year anniversary in April.
When we first started dating, things were lovely and I was very transparent regarding my beliefs and how I felt about marriage and having kids out of wedlock and because of the church I was attending at at the time had strong values that would have consequences should they be broken. We spoke about these and agreeed that before we have kids we'd be married and by then we both weren't working but we were staying together in a rental.
4 years into our relationship i got pregnant and I reminded him of our agreement and he said that he would honor his promise to marry me before I gave birth as this was very important to me, but that didn't happen - instead I was given a list of reasons why he wasn't able to at the time, we lost the baby as I gave birth prematurely at home due to many other reasons.
Then we tried to pick up the pieces but realized that he'd been lying to me about his healing process. This caused a huge rift between us I felt lied to and more alone than I was before. We took some time apart but worked things out again.
During our 5th year together my partner lost his dad due to high jacking gone wrong. This was a very fragile time for both of us as I had taken his father as my own and vise versa, however he was especially affected. A few months afterwards I asked once again when he planned for us to get married? he said that he would like to honor the promise he made to his father to pay a bridal price for me then we'll get married legally. This came as a shock to me because this was not something we had agreed on this would be him breaking a promise he made to me 5 years ago however I couldn't disagree much to it as it was something he discussed with his father.
Fast forward 6 years into our relationship we were blessed with a beautiful daughter that we both love dearly, I gave birth in November and in December he brought his uncles to meet my family and start the lobola negotiations (bridal price) of which we're a success and all went well.
It's now 7 years into our relationship and we're still not married legally. When I ask him when we would get married there's is no response or we just end up fighting cause it comes across as if I'm not appreciative of the fact that he has paid the bridal price rather that I still insist on getting legally married.
I think I have been patient for way to long and I have been overlooked, unthought of and that his disregard my beliefs.
So I just need to know whether would I be an asshole if I left this relationship as I feel like he doesn't consider me or my beliefs? | NTA. Kindly, OP, you have been an AH to yourself and should leave. You deserve much much better and I hope you get it after healing from this. |
AITAH for insulting my best friend in front of my friend | My friend(17M) P , bsf U (18M) and I (17F) we're talking in a group chat last night about scheduling a meetup for them cause my bsf and I have only been friends for just over a year but P has known me since I was 10 and so U wanted to know about something from my past that I am honestly too traumatized too talk about. The discussion was supposed to be serious ig but we all ended up joking around a lot in between all of this and insulting each other as a joke (U didn't insult me) well we were talking about them meeting irl next Friday in school to talk but U had issues cause he might need to use the toilet during the Convo and so it would be better for him to talk on call instead but P said he can't talk about these things at home ( because of his parents) and the Convo would take a long time so I as a joke told U to just wear a diaper or something and just meet on Friday cause there was no other solution i could see.
They went back and forth for a while but really landed nowhere cause they were just fooling around the whole time it was late at night by that point to i just went to sleep. Uwakes up in the afternoon so we didn't really talk since morning and then he was busy so we really didn't talk till like 5 in the evening.
That is when he told me that he was insulted by my words the other day and he did know why I would insult him by joking about him like that In front of P . I really didn't think much of it at the time i never thought he would get hurt by that joke and now I'm wondering if I am the asshole in this situation
Something similar happened a few months ago when again a lot of our classmates were in group setting and we were joking around about him having a son( a tradition in my culture where people of the neighborhood or friends drop off a statue of a god to a newly married couples house as a sign of being blessed by a child) and I was quite for the most part but at some point added a comment that he said hurt him cause he always depends me when someone talks shit about me. He was mad at me for some time but i apologized and said I wouldn't do it again even though it truely was Unintentional both times
Ps. P and I dated for 2-3 months when we were 13/14 but broke up soon after and have been friends ever since.
He now says that I am embarrassing myself by insulting my present in front of my past | I think it's normal to joke around with friends, but sometimes it can cross a line without realizing it. If you apologize and clarify that it wasn't meant seriously, he might understand. It might help to be more aware of his boundaries in the future, especially with sensitive topics. |
WIBTAH if I address a situation I acted ok with at the time due to feeling blindsided and put on the spot? | I 28F learned new info about my BF 29M relationship with his best friend 29F and now I don’t know what to think.
I recently spent Christmas with my boyfriend’s family in his home town, he has a best friend who still lives in said home town.
I want to preface this by saying my issue isn’t (or should I say wasn’t) that he has a female friend, that I was totally fine with, until I received new information.
We’ve been dating for just over a year now and I’ve known right from the very beginning of our relationship that he had a female best friend, he was very open about that (or so I thought) and he reassured me at the time that it was platonic, that she had a type and he was not it (although now that I think about that statement more in depth, it makes it sound like him not being ‘her type’ is the only thing holding him back) they text each other every few days, schedule calls to talk, calls which sometimes last hours, and tell each other they love each other. Again, all of which I was ok with, it would be pretty hypocritical not to be! I text my friends every other day, I don’t call them as much but that’s because we live so close (he lives far from her) and I tell my friends I love them too.
My issue now is that during my first ever meeting with this girl it came up in conversation that they first met on a date. Which he obviously neglected to tell me. I found out this information while sitting in front of this girl. I found out that they went on 2 dates before she said that she didn’t really feel *it*, to which (according to their account) my boyfriend agreed with and they decided to be friends.
Now that I know their initial meeting was in a romantic context it’s given me a lot more to think about. My main concern is that he actually does have feelings for her but agreed with her when she said she didn’t to save face, and at this point is willing to essentially settle for friendship just to keep her in his life. This worry is compounded by the fact that he didn’t tell me that they had dated despite having ample opportunity to do so.
Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? If so how did you address it without sounding jealous or insecure or starting a fight?
WIBTAH for bringing my feelings up now a few weeks after the meeting and after acting ok with it at the time due to feeling put on the spot?
| You're never the AH for talking about the way you feel. Hope it goes well! |
AITAH for yelling at my mil for not training her dog | Background: live with my mil. Her and I have a 15 month lease together because I felt bad about her situation at the time. My husband has been away due to personal reasons I don’t wish to get into but he cannot have his phone 90% of the time. So therefore makes communication hard. He is coming back this Thursday! He is not on the lease yet since we moved while he was away and will be added to the lease.
What happened: my mil let’s call her Kay! Kay has a pit lab mix dog! He is super friendly and sweet but sadly I am allergic. Therefore I have to push him off me gently or tell him no to licking me. I have to keep him out of my room and it gets annoying to have to continue doing these things but it’s whatever. He never listens to me and refuses to go on walks unless he has deemed it as an emergency. Kay’s dog (we will call him boy)! Boy loves toys just as much as the next doggo which I have 0 problems with. What I do have a problem with is that he steals my stuff and destroys it. I don’t mean a hole or two or chewed up. I mean torn apart within minutes!!! He will purposely go into my room and grab something and run with it when I see him in my room. I have to yell at him to give me what he stole back and he gets upset. He steals my cat’s toys (which stay in my room to make sure he doesn’t steal them) and destroys them. Now a lot of people would tell me to shut my door but if I do then my cat has nowhere to run when he chases after her and I can’t lock her in because homegirl needs to use the bathroom and eat too. When he first started this I was nice and asked Kay to train boy to not steal my belongings. She said no. And that he just wants to play. She told me I should keep my belongings out of where he can get them. I thought that was extremely unfair but until he got trained I had to put a lot of stuff away. He stopped stealing stuffed animals for a week or two but he decided to start stealing my blankets and putting holes in one of them! I asked Kay again if she would at least take him to one of those free training sessions. She said no and told me she doesn’t think he took the blanket. (I wasn’t home for 3 days and this blanket was originally on my bed and web I came home in the living room with holes in it) I told her she owed me a new blanket and she brushed it off. When my husband came home for Christmas I explained to him what was going on and he said when he gets back he will be talking to his mother. Not only about her behavior but about boy as well. After my husband left boy decided to start jumping on me and scratching me. He even bit me. This is all in front of her may I add! She keeps saying “hims boy just wants to playyy”. There is no corrective measures being placed. But a babied voice with lots of pets. Now jump to today. We went shopping for yk food and stuff! And I came home to a pair of ear muffs my grandpa gave to me before he died. They were DESTROYED. I yelled as loud as I could at that dog and finally broke down crying. Kay then yelled at me saying I shouldn’t have had them out. They were in my closet on a hook. The door was shut! And I take a photo and a video of me shutting all doors and turning off all candles and tvs to make sure I don’t forget anything. I thought I was smart. She is saying that I yell at him everyday and she’s sick of me blaming everything on boy. She told me to get a baby gate but I sleep walk and that is VERY dangerous. I told her that and she still told me to do it. I got a baby gate but it didn’t fit so I returned it. And today she twisted and completely dismissed my feelings and what I was saying. I was literally holding these ear muffs that were so precious to me bc of the sentimental value and I was begging her to get him trained. I said I would pay for it. I said I would train him myself. But she kept telling me that I was the problem. And that I keep blaming everything on boy. My room has 0 of my personality or decorations because of me trying to protect my belongings. I don’t have pillows out until bed now and all my blankets are put on at bedtime too now. I have 0 of my stuffed animals and nothing is out and about. I put everything in boxes in my closet. I did install little hooks in my closet though so I can hang my ear muffs and gloves ext. I yelled at Kay. I told her she was in the wrong and I shouldn’t have to change my ENTIRE life for her. She then said she’s gonna keep boy in her room till I move out. Which is unfair to him. I may not like him the best but I still care about animals and their comfort. She then said that it’s what I am telling her to do and kept twisting me being upset that her dog wouldn’t stop destroying my stuff. This isn’t the first keepsake he has fully destroyed either. This was just the final straw with me. She called me an asshole and I went and cried my heart out. Something that meant so much to me that I loved using gone. My grandpa passed away in 2015 and I am unable to even find these ear muffs since it was a birthday present. Idk where he got them. Me and her have been having problems like this a lot. She also gets mad when I have decorations out or anything and tells me she doesn’t like them. So today I took all of my stuff down and kept her stuff up. I feel drained and idk what to do. AITA for screaming at my mil? And what do I do? | Didn’t read all of this- you need to get a baby gate with a cat door on it for your bedroom. Keeps the dog out but gives cat freedom of movement. Of those are too expensive, get one of the cheap pressure mounted ones and when you put it in the doorway- give about 4-6 inches of clearance from the floor. Cat will go in and out.
You are likely NTA. I would low key train the dog just to be TA and let her be pissy when the dog adopts me- but I’m not allergic and have too much time on my hands. |
AITAH for choosing a BTS concert in a different city (and possibly VIP) instead of going with my friends? | Hi, this is a throwaway account.
I (23F) have two close friends I met in college. We became especially close because of BTS. One of them actually introduced us to BTS, so this group means a lot to all of us.
BTS just announced tour dates in two different cities in my country. One option would be very expensive for me (flights, hotel, time off work, etc.). The other city is much more accessible: cheaper tickets and no need for flights or hotels.
The problem is that I’m the only one with a fan membership needed for the presale, so I feel a lot of pressure and responsibility. One friend and I have traveled together for concerts before, but my other friend has more limitations right now and realistically might not be able to go.
After thinking about it a lot, I’m leaning toward choosing the more accessible city and securing my own ticket first. If possible, I’d also like to get a VIP ticket, since my mom offered to help me pay for it as a gift. This likely means I wouldn’t attend the same show as my friends, and the friend who introduced us to BTS might not be able to go at all.
I feel really guilty and worry this could look like I’m abandoning my friends or choosing a VIP experience over them. At the same time, forcing myself into the more expensive option out of guilt feels irresponsible and could lead to resentment.
So:
MITA for prioritizing the option that works best for me?
What would you do if you were in my place?
And if you were my friend, how would you feel about this?
Thanks for any perspective.
Edit: Thanks everyone for all the support, it helps me to choose going alone with my possibilities 🫶🏻 | NTA! you have the membership, you're doing the booking, and you're going to want to enjoy the show! Choose what works best for you!
Hope you enjoy the concert :D |
AITAH for expecting my sahm wife to do majority of the housework since i pay 100% of the bills? | I work 40hrs a week and my wife stays home. She decided she wanted to be a sahm, and despite me not agreeing, she did it anyway. I told her dual-income was better because if one of us lost our jobs we'd still be okay, but she said she didn't want to "miss out" on her son's elementary years.
She has a 10yo son and i have no kids. We've been married for a year and together for three. Recently, i heard her complaining to her sister on the phone that i just get home and immediately start playing video games. I later confronted her about it, and she said she expects me to do 50% of the household labor. I disagreed, because on top of my 40hr job, i also handle 100% of the finances and 100% of the car and house maintenance like cutting the yard, trimming trees, or when something breaks.
She says she's carrying alot of mental load, and i told her i am too. She seems to think hers is more than mine, but again, i disagree. We just booked an appointment with a therapist to dive deeper, but i was wondering:
AITAH? | You're only married for a year. You don't have children together. Get out now- lesson learned. |
AITAH for wanting my sister to seek proper medical advice? | Almost ten years ago my father died of Parkinson’s disease. It was devastating, and terrible to watch. About three years ago, my sister started having health issues, many of them neurological related. Troubles with balance, chronic pain, tremors. Of course the entire family was deeply concerned, and we imagined she would pursue treatments to get to the bottom of it.
Well, despite having had a neurologist tell her that she should consider taking medication to rule out Parkinson’s, instead she has gone to naturopaths and so far been diagnosed with Lyme disease, blood parasites, and now mold toxicity. She has literally spent over $100,000 on ‘detox’ treatments and her health continues to decline in a disturbing direction. I have tried to be supportive because I believe people have the right to determine their own care. But at this point, it’s just becoming frustrating to watch. She refuses to even consider the very real possibility that she has Parkinson’s, and the window for medication potentially slowing the progression of the disease is closing.
I don’t feel like I can continue supporting this ridiculous and dangerous situation, and I don’t know how to even begin to tell her how I feel. The naturopaths are clearly scamming her, and in the meantime her health continues to worsen. | You’re NTA for caring and wanting her to seek proper care, but you can’t force her. My mom ended up killing herself in stubbornness because she refused to receive proper treatment for a preventable blood clot that she was diagnosed with, and I’ve had to go through years of therapy to cope with the guilt of being unable to convince her to seek treatment.
Your sister will only listen to what she wants to hear.
She’s going through her own stages of grief, and I’m sure she was equally devastated by your father’s passing. The idea that she may have Parkinson’s after watching it take your father.. that is probably terrifying to her. In her shoes, I would avoid a diagnosis because getting it confirmed would be accepting and acknowledging that I had it.
All you can do is be there for her and tell her that you are concerned for her, and maybe go to therapy yourself to find resources of how to cope. A professional could help steer you into a proper intervention. Help yourself so you can help her. |
AITAH for watching a movie without my husband. | I (30f) watched a movie without my husband (31m). We got a new streaming service a bout a month ago and I had mentioned that I wanted to watch a certain movie. He agreed that it looked interesting and said he also wanted to watch it. Since then I have mentioned twice that we should watch the movie but he always has an excuse as to why we should wait (too tired, going to bed soon, doesn’t want to pay attention….) it’s fine. So today I started watching the movie, I was about half way through when he walked in. He looked really hurt. I told him we could start it over but he said no and that I should just finish it and he’ll watch it by himself. Since then he’s been short with me, won’t make eye contact, and is being distant with me.
BTW he does this all the time. He says he wants to watch a show/movie together and forgets about it. So AITA? | NTA. Your husband is a child. |
AITAH for telling someone to stand on the tube | Basically, the London tube was fairly busy, all seats taken. People getting on and off, and then an elderly man gets on the tube, and a younger guy takes the last seat. I said to him, 'actually I think you should let that man sit there' and they guy basically told me to f off. I think I did the right thing | YTA
Some people have invisible disabilities. Why didn't you tell off everyone else who was sitting? You don't know whether this person needed the seat or not and it's not your place to single them out and lecture them. |
AITAH for getting mad at my work schedule? | So I (23F) just started working at a fast food about a monthly ago and so, when I applied and started working a supervisor told me that the only available spots she had was of the night shift closing the shop which I understood and accepted because I needed the job desperately.
Here's the thing, right after December ended, a new guy also started working there, the guy also worked a closing shift with me so all chill for like two and a half weeks, up until I saw this week's schedule and saw how they suddenly gave him the morning shift except for one day where he does closing and now im pissed, cuz ur telling me that for me when I asked all the day schedules were full but then a new guy comes in less than a full month and suddenly he's on the day shift?? I might be overreacting but I honestly don't think it's fair and I'm so pissed. | Sounds like he didn't need the job as desperately and told them they could work with his schedule or not.
This is a lesson to advocate for yourself, especially in minimum-wage jobs which are plentiful. If someone is abusing your time, you can always find another fast food gig.
Tell them that you need some morning shifts as well and if they aren't willing to do that, look at other fast food or retail jobs. |
WIBTAH if i deleted my mums dating app | For context I (17m) my little brother (12m) and my mum (50f) lost our dad/co-parent back in 2024 and since then we’ve been on our own.
Now my mums friend has told her about some dating app and shes currently using it actively. My mum and dad weren’t ever really romantic as long as I can remember and only really stayed together for me and my brothers sake, however they kept a sort of friendship/co-parent relationship even when dad moved out. I just worry about who the new guy might be and if he might try to replace my father in my life or try to erase his memory over time. Please help me decide if I’m being unreasonable or if my worries are warranted.
I still live at home with both mum and brother while finishing school and i do really want the best for my mum especially after all shes done for us as a single parent but i’m just concerned that this is coming up now all of a sudden.
For some bonus information in my country you can legally move out without parental consent at 16 given you can earn and provide for yourself and i would consider taking this drastic of action if things go too far for my liking (eg: the new guy either tries to replace my fathers memory or tries to be a new father figure) (would make it known that i don’t want that if a new guy does come into the picture, would treat him more like a roommate)
Extra context: in the past she has said that she had no interest in any romance and if she did it would probably be with another woman in a sort of roommate/coexistent relationship which i would be more than fine with.
Sorry for long post and grammar/spelling errors, typing this late at night and am fuck tired😭🙏 | YTA. Key piece of advice here - don't stand in the way of your Mum's happiness.
I understand you feel hurt by it and you feel you're looking out for her which is respectable, but doing this isn't. She is an adult and doesnt need you making big decisions for her. |
AITAH for breaking up with my boyfriend? | So two weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend of basically two years. One of the main two reasons I broke up with him was he had a MASSIVE porn addiction and would not stop looking at stuff despite me telling him that it made me severely uncomfortable and I considered it cheating. (don’t flame me for that it’s just my opinion). I gave him four chances to try and stop this “habit” (as he called it) and he made no effort. The other reason I broke up with him was because he was horrible at listening and was planning my life for me. Like I had said I had not wanted to get married until I was older and he considered (and talked to my friends) about how he wanted to marry me right out of school. He also continued to talk about the kids we would have together, keep in mind I had told him I didn’t want kids.
When I had decided that I lost all attraction to him was when he told me that “his brain kept going to porn because it wasn’t satisfied because I refused to give him head.” I had told him several times during our relationship that head was something I was not comfortable giving. I had also found out that he had told one of my best friends that “if my girlfriend didn’t exist I would find you sooo attractive when you’re mad.” (he had a thing for women being mad at him/mad in general.) When I confronted him about it, he used the excuse of not remembering, then saying he might remember it, to saying he “didn’t know it was bad because he’s never been in a relationship before.
Anyway, both him and his sister (whom I was friends with) cut me off yesterday and he said he was “upset with how I was handling the situation” and that I had been “nothing but rude.” But I feel as though he deserved how I was talking with him (I wasn’t being kind and savoring his feelings, I was being blunt and straight to the point.) and he deserves what happened as it was the consequences of his actions.
My question is: should I feel bad? Am I in the wrong? | you're free! dobby is free!! now run as far as you can! (edit to add NTA) |
UPDATE - looked through my boyfriends photos and found nudes and vids of his ex. AITAH? | original post for context:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/uEv6wrt1b1
in regards to my original post, i truly believe all comments, advice, and words were honestly helpful in guiding me on how to admit my mistakes and also my concerns. like i mentioned, i knew that i was in the wrong and could very well feel the guilt haunting me but i wanted to know if my thoughts had some validity. of course, mixed opinions as i expected.
down to the point though. that shit was ROUGH. we got through the holidays because it was a very nice time with each other and with family, but yes, i was itching and scratching to just get shit off my chest. it certainly was not easy and it took a lot out of me to sit him down and finally let everything come out. it did and it was very much like puke lmao. i had voiced my concerns and apologies so much that it was followed with a lot of comfort from him. needless to say, as much as he was comforting and understanding, there was a part of him that did not appreciate my snoopy behavior. obviously.
we talked it through for a while and he really allowed me to get it all out. i expressed my need for him to understand that i knew i was wrong and that i didn’t expect him to delete anything, as it is his life and past. i was surprised when he offered to delete the explicit content to give me peace of mind. i told him that i really wasn’t looking to dictate anything that has to do with his past and that he should do whatever he pleases. i said “no mind games, no manipulation, this is truly how i feel.”
i feel like he really saw how much this had been eating at me, i did mention it several times but i honestly think he understood all the thoughts i’d been having about the situation. it was a very thorough and incredible conversation, i was able to be so open and as was he.
so, after we had talked it all out, we apologized to one another (not really sure what he had to apologize for, he didn’t do anything wrong lol) and thanked each other for honest communication. i felt so relieved that it was “simple” and was so grateful that my partner shows promise in being truly understanding and willing to let me be heard. as it turns out, he did make the decision to delete the images and vids. i was appreciative of his reassurance that he wanted me to feel comfortable and safe with him. he’s very confident of me and this relationship so it posed as no issue to remove the explicit content.
i’m so happy that i was honest and let myself be so vulnerable about my shortfalls. it feels so good knowing in the future i will be able to address issues with him, should there be any, and not be frightened about anything. communication is key. | I can't believe more people are upset about you going through his phone than they are of your bf literally having nudes and sexual videos of his ex??? That is WILD to me. I'm glad you guys had a good and productive conversation OP, but you're being too hard on yourself. He was absolutely right to delete those. Keeping memories is one thing, but sexual stuff? Absolutely inappropriate. |
AITAH for making my husband a roommate? | I (33F) married my (40M) husband in 2017 and he adopted my 2 kids shortly after (the kids were 2 and 3 at the time).
This is a long one that I will try to shorten, but still keep relevant details.
I am bipolar but wasn't diagnosed or medicated until several years (like 3) into our marriage. We did struggle with our sex life after I was medicated due to low drive being a side affect. I talked to my Dr about this and was reassured that this is common and was put on a second medication to try and counter act. This didn't completely help. I went to trusted family members and asked for advice. I told my husband that he is always welcome to initiate as that puts me in the mood, I just honestly don't feel the need arise or think about it on my own. I made a playlist to listen to on my way home from work in the morning. I went as far as buying gummies that are supposed to help, but how do I take them when I don't think about it? Out of sight, out of mind, you know?
He still got mad at me no matter what I did because he said him initiating every time was like forcing me. I told him no, because if he initiated and I still wasn't in the mood I would be honest and tell him.
Anyways, after about a year and a half of this and trying all I knew to do, nothing was working. This is when a high school friend of his reached out to me and let me know that he was trying to sleep with her, I messaged her back and she sent me receipts. My heart broke. I took his phone and went through it all. I'm talking deep dives into file/downloaded/social media/texts/voice texts/email/deleted things/pictures/apps in his app store (downloaded and deleted). There was 100s of things across all of it. I took screen shots, recording etc and sent it to myself to put in a locked folder. I woke him up and confronted him. He admitted to it all and the to 4 physical encounters I had no knowledge of at that time. One of them was our neighbor!! Even though he confessed and gave names and rough dates, one being before we even got married, he still blamed it on me and what our sex life had been through. He blamed it on being molested at 12. He blamed me because of the mood swings and medicine swaps.
I tried to stay. He was supportive and let me cry it out while he held me. I put tracking on his phone, I put cameras up around our house and one in the living room, he deleted all socials right in front of me, I had free reign to check his phone any time I asked (which was daily).
After about 6 months I just couldn't do it anymore. I told him we were roommates for our 2 children and I only wanted to hear from him when it came to the kids and bills. He threatened suicide and I stopped him. I made him tell his family (he constantly talked bad to them about me, to the point his dad said I was out to ruin him and only wanted him to use him).
After about a year he moved out of our room by his own decision.
He blames me for his self esteem and everything else under the sun.
He still constantly blames me for what has happened and the fact that I keep reminding him (because he pushes our new boundaries) that we are not together, we are not friends, we are roommates.
I do not want to be married or have him in my house ("my house" as I have always been the bread winner and without me he would have never been able to buy). But I don't know what to do as I do not have a supportive family other than my grandma who is in her 80s and can't handle the help I would need. I work nights and my job takes me all over the state at any given time.
I just can't give more than what I am already doing. My heart is still broken and honestly just seeing him pull in the driveway or seeing him breathing pisses me off.
I'm sorry that this is long and I'm sorry that it may not make complete sense. I am trying to not give a lot away as I don't know who might see this and be able to guess.
AITAH and caused him to cheat? AITAH for not doing better in making him a friend instead of roommate? | NTA. Sorry, this sounds awful for you. I get why you are still living together but the kids must be picking up on the atmosphere between you both. You may have to consider a way of living apart from him, in your own place, however difficult that may be. |
AITAH for suggesting one friend not to do something our third friend doesn’t like | A friend group of 3, I(26F) 1st friend (26M) 2nd friend (26F). We 3 go back a long time 9-10 year old friendship.
Male friend keeps light flirting with us both, thats the dynamic since 10 years and we are aware that its for fun and doesn’t mean anything. Again one day he sent a flirty something post to me and my female friend. I am single and she is in relationship. She told me that ‘I don’t like that our male friend sends me such posts when i am in a relationship’. I said fair enough.
Our male friend is moving to my city for work so we were talking alot those days for work, housing etc. So I mentioned it that if she doesn’t like it why do you keep doing it, you shouldn’t send her such posts. He just said ok and moved on to another topic.
Now our female friend stopped talking to both of us on this incident 🤷🏻♀️AITAH? And we were good friends with no formality.
Also I am in our hometown, should i call meet and apologise? I personally don’t feel I did something wrong. Please show me another perspective if there is. | I don't understand why she wouldn't have told him herself that she didn't like these texts, if y'all are so close. But this feels like a really immature conflict. |
AITAH for taking my stuff back after my sister tried to steal my bedroom and my family isn’t backing me? | So, I (22) live at my grandma’s house. My dad (50) and my sister (17) also live here. Ever since I came back, my sister has been acting like she owns my bedroom. She literally moved all my things out into the shed while I was away visiting friends and started claiming, “This is my room now.”
My dad keeps saying she’s “just a kid” and that I should let it slide and just share the room. But… she’s failing school, doesn’t have a job, spends more time with her boyfriend than herself, and acts like the world owes her everything. Meanwhile, I have responsibilities, bills, and I’m just trying to live in my own space quietly and peacefully.
Here’s why this room actually matters: nobody cared about it for years because it used to be my uncle’s drug den. The walls were mud brown and smelled like burnt plastic, there were three layers of carpet… and between each layer was drug residue, needles, and bent/burnt spoons. I knew I needed somewhere to live while I get my life together, so I rolled up my sleeves and got to work—tore everything out, repainted, replaced carpet, fixed the window, and more. That wasn’t free labor. I did it because my grandma said I could have the room.
Anyway, I moved all my stuff back where it belongs. She flipped out, pulled the victim card and tears on our dad, and now my dad is giving me attitude too. I feel like I’m being treated unfairly. It’s not just about “sharing a room,” it’s about respect.
And just to add some extra spice: she’s been trying to manipulate situations to make me look bad so I’ll get kicked out, she brags about her boyfriend—even though she’s been unfaithful while he’s taking care of her and providing what she wants—and she’s just generally messy and dramatic. I’m tired of being gaslit and blamed for standing up for myself.
So Reddit… AITAH for putting my stuff back and taking my room back? | You rebuilt that room and she tried to take it while you were gone, you just reclaimed what's yours, and your dad's excuse doesn't change that. |
AITAH For Wanting To Find Other Employment? | Im 20 and this is my 3rd job and first factory job. I have been with this company for 7 months I've thinking about this for the past 3. And I believe I need to find employment elsewhere. I've been trying l. I was asked what position stood out to me the most. I explained that I was quite interested in Boxing, as it seemed it would help me build some muscle while still seeming like something I could do consistently. I also explained that I get overwhelmed under pressure. That statement seems to have been unrecognized.
After my second month with the company, I made a comment to one of the line supervisors that I didn't think I was the right person for this position. I then got pulled to another poison due to a call off (which I enjoyed immensely) for roughly 2-3 days. I then heard nothing about it since.
After my third month, I started bidding out of my current position and to any other positions that where available. I eventually got the bid for another department and got the position. However, with the high amount of people not willing to do the position I'm in currently in.
The past three months have been my attempt at keeping my source of income. It's really good money and benefits. But I'm at the point where I feel that the stress and physical pain I'm enduring of this position isn't worth the paycheck I'm getting for it.
Am I being a bitch or am I right for feeling this way? | I don’t think there is ever a scenario where you’d be the AH for wanting to find a new job.
Editing to add: OP, I think you know you aren’t an AH, but I think you really want to just vent, in which the sub s/vent is the better choice. |
AITAH for cutting off my entire friend group after one of them groped me? | Last summer, my (18F) friend group consisted of me, 4 girls (friends since secondary school), and 4 boys. One of the boys, Zach, had been a close friend of mine since February. Throughout our friendship, he repeatedly made unwanted advances, which I always shut down however we were really close and I valued our friendship a lot.
By summer, his behaviour escalated. At group sleepovers, he constantly found excuses to touch me despite me making it clear I wasn’t comfortable. In mid-October, during a very drunk group sleepover, I was lying on the ground outside with my knees up, eyes closed, and not really responsive. Zach sat opposite me and was stroking my knee. Over \~20 minutes, his hand slowly moved higher up my leg until his thumb was brushing my underwear (over my pyjama trousers).
When we went inside, I ran to the bathroom sobbing and hyperventilating and told another boy what happened. The boys confronted Zach and had a serious go at him. But after that night, everyone - including my girl friends - acted like nothing happened and continued being friendly with him.
Zach isn’t one of those guys you’d expect this from, he’s known as a goofy fun guy who’s “not like other men” and is always trying to build friendships with women, which may be a reason why no one let this taint his image.
One friend, Emilie - who was in the group beginning of summer then left - fully supported me and unfriended Zach (he was her childhood friend). After about a month, I told my close girlfriends how hurt I was that they were still so kind to him. That’s when the group turned on me. The boys stopped talking to me and framed it like I was trying to “ruin the group.” One of my oldest girl friends befriended Zach at the expense of our friendship. Another one of my closest girl friends (his ex) started dating him again after telling me she was uncomfortable with him because of what he did.
Eventually, the girls also cut off Emilie for supporting me as well as anger that she found new friends. Now they’re having a party and have explicitly said Emilie and I aren’t invited because we’re “drama.” We’re angry and confused that something so violating was somehow turned back on us.
So, AITAH for ditching the entire friend group? | You can’t ditch a group that ditched you first, but either way you deserve better. NTA |
AITAH for not letting someone borrow my book? | This is going to sound overblown, but I’ve been mulling over this for the last few days and would seriously like your perspective, and I will be as objective as possible about what happened.
I recently attended a conference in my field with a classmate who I shared a room with. For context, we worked on the same project, though we are not really on friendly terms. This roommate has attended the conference a few times in the past, this is my first time. We only really were in the same space when it came to presenting together, but we are in completely different subfields. Before bed one night, they read the name of a society presenting at the conference that I honestly found quite funny in a sort of immature way. They had asked me, while laughing, what that name meant, and I read the acronym and went to bed. The society was for experts in her field, which I thought she knew. This interaction will be relevant very soon.
The conference offers free books in our general discipline for those who reserve them ahead of time on the second day. I was in the lobby in the morning and excitedly found many books that just sounded amazing off the title. Whenever I encounter books I find interesting, I read them and ultimately hoard them for years because I often come back to them. I decided to write my name down for a book that I found interesting, though was not related to what I studied. It did not occur to me in this moment that this field was my roommate’s field. I ultimately picked up the book.
We met up with a professor for dinner about fifteen minutes later, and we were talking about things we had done. The dinner got off to a bad start as the individual began to complain that there were no presentations on their specific field throughout the conference. It couldn’t have been farther from the truth, given that a society featured in the conference is oriented towards that subfield - the one with the silly name. The professor we were with laughed and told them that it wasn’t true, to which the roommate turned to me and asked me, in what I can only describe as an anguished tone, why I had withheld the information from her and if I had done so to purposefully exclude her from a good experience at the conference. I did not mean to, but the person seemed otherwise very convinced this was my intention. The dinner got kind of awkward and silent, and I felt offended that she believed I would do such a thing. Again, this interaction might be relevant to contextualize our next interaction.
A few minutes later, my professor asks me what I was able to do in the time I was at the conference, and I commented that I was able to reserve a book I found very interesting. My roommate lights up and asks if they can see it, so I produce the book. She reads the title and asks, “Can I keep it?” and I instantly scowl and say, “/Keep/ it? Keeeeep it?” I wasn’t intending to be funny, but my professor laughed. I found the question entitled. My roommate is shocked at my response and is silent for a few seconds before she immediately turns to flipping the pages.
In a very sharp tone, she then tells me, “You need to seriously explain why you need to have a book in a field that is completely irrelevant to what you study. I study this field. I need this book.”
When I respond that I find the topic interesting and would prefer to just keep it for myself, she comments that “(her) parents taught (her) when you don’t need something, you give it away to someone who does.” And then commented that I had already ruined her conference experience by not telling that her field was a major part of the event.
She spends the rest of the dinner, without exaggeration, pointing to different sections and arguing that she deserves my book because she, being knowledgeable in the field, needs it for her study. I continue to stand firm and say that it is really as simple as me liking the book. I ask for the book back, which she does, though very carefully and with much hesitation.
As we are walking to our hotel and away from my professor, she tells me that she found my reaction to her question quite severe and offensive and that “obviously, when someone asks you if they want to ‘keep’ something, they really mean to ‘borrow it.’” She then asked me why I really needed this book so badly, and I commented that I prefer to just keep my books. “If I had known you were a hoarder earlier, I would have understood. My parents taught me to loan out my things once I don’t need them anymore.”
We did not speak again following this interaction. I do feel that I embarrassed her in front of my professor for my reaction. AITAH? | NTA she is very entitled and needs to pay attention better. She can easily just get the title from you and buy it online |
AITAH for not inviting my soon to be ex husband to our daughter’s 3rd birthday party? | TLDR: My ex and I divorced because he claimed to be poly and want the lifestyle while I did not. 10 years, 4 of marriage, raising his child 15 and our child 2F. He starts dating someone while we are in process of financially separating, leaving me home with our child to go out/sleep over at her house. Once I move out, a month later he lets me know his girlfriend is pregnant. They had been seeing each other for months before we decided to divorce and claims to have cheated on me for at least a year with at least 4 other people (but it’s really hard for him to recall). Oh! And she very pregnant. Four months into our separation, I included him and the girlfriend in my Halloween with our daughter. Was encouraging doing things together on a semi-regular basis. He continuously made excuses for why it couldn’t continue, why things will change once his love child is here, and then stopped agreeing. So I stopped trying to do things together and told him, “you do not seem to be interested in having the blended family dynamic we have discussed, so I will not keep asking”. He seemed happy with that. We planned to do Christmas together, a few days before their relationship went “Facebook official” and I have a ton of people texting me about it. It hurt. I said I am not super comfortable having the girlfriend at Christmas (which was never confirmed to begin with) and suggested a plan for him to spend about 1 hour with our children for their first Christmas together (custody schedule issues). He decided not to participate and just drop my stepdaughter off.
I let him know a few days ago that I would be having a party for our daughter during my custodial time but since he has not shown an interest or attempted to establish any blended family dynamic and did not participate in Christmas that he is not invited to the party that I am throwing, but wanted him to hear it from me and not our mutual friends/ family.
He replied “understood, I respect your opinion”.
Turns out he is now holding this against me and will not allow me to take our daughter to her cousin’s fist birthday party (during his time) because “it’s sad that I can’t be at Avery’s birthday”.
To me I feel like the manipulation continues but also feel like the asshole, because this is not at all the dynamic I want to have with him. So AITAH? | You are trying too hard at something that shouldn't happen.
Celebrate with your daughter when you have your daughter. Do not reach out to him. And you have to accept that he has her during his time. Do not ask for exceptions. |
AITAH for saying I was busy when my dad called me? | My dad was downstairs.
I was in my room, on my phone with my boyfriend, and changing into my regular clothes after finishing up a burlesque dance routine.
My dad yelled for me from downstairs to say he was home, and I said "I'm busy!" intending to acknowledge what he was saying and then go have a longer conversation once I was fully changed.
AITAH?
My dad told me I was being rude, and that wasn't my intention; I just wanted to acknowledge that I heard him & would get back to him when I had the chance. | NTA but maybe something like "just a minute" would have been a little softer? I'm busy wouldn't offend or upset me personally but we are all individuals and react differently. |
AITAH for how I handled helping my girlfriend while she was sick? | I’ve (23M) been with my girlfriend (23F) for 2 years. Recently our relationship has been very fragile as we argue a lot and were on and off for a few months. About a week ago, we decided to start fresh and genuinely try to make things work cause we love each other and wanted to be together.
Yesterday, she stayed home due to a medical issue she's having, while I went to work. She had a doctor’s appointment the next day (today) and texted me saying she can’t wear jeans because of metal buckles and zippers, and that it would interfere with the medical devices. She asked if I could pick up a pair of leggings for her after work. I agreed right away.
She sent me a screenshot of a pair that was $19.99. I suggested she order them online for in-store pickup, since that store allows it and it would save a lot of time, since I won't have to search for them, find the right model, the right size, the right color, send pgotos to make sure, wait for her response,... After I suggested she ordered online, she stopped replying for a few minutes, and then sent another screenshot of cheaper pair for $6.99, saying she'll actually get these instead. That's when I knew it was about money.
For context, money is a recurring issue between us. She’s constantly in overdraft and owes me over $500 from more than a year ago, which she’s never paid back. Anytime I bring it up, it turns into an argument. She also often says I don’t give her enough gifts, even though I frequently pay for her things on the go and help her financially. She even admitted herself that she tends to forget that, and that's why when we started fresh, she told me not to pay for her rhings on the go, and to rather save this money to make her more surprise gifts and gestures as she will be more likely to remember them, which I thought is a great idea.
Anyway, I agreed for the cheaper leggings, but they weren’t available at the store closest to me, only at a further one that’s harder to access. I told her that, but said I’d still go if it was the only option and again asked her to order them online if that's her final choice. She then said nevermind and that she’d just wear tights she already had. I could tell she was mad.
She then asked if I could at least get us food for the night since she couldn’t cook. I said yes without hesitation. When I asked what she wanted, she rejected the usual nearby options I proposed and asked for food from a specific Indian restaurant that’s quite expensive. I felt like she did out of spite for the legging, but I still agreed regardless. I thought she was sick, and oh well for the money.
I told her I was going to eat a quick pizza first (as I don’t like Indian food and prefer eating pizza fresh and not take out because it gets cold and loses taste, and she knows this very well about me), then I’d pick up her food and come sit with her while she ate. She asked, “So you won’t eat with me?” I explained again, and she stopped responding.
I ate my pizza, and headed to the Indian place. When I arrived, I called to ask what she wanted to order, and she hung up on me. I thought maybe it was an accident, so I called again and same outcome. After that, I texted her and she said she doesn't want to talk to me, and that I don’t care about her. Then, she started saying I suck big time, and she eventually blocked me. I tried reaching her on other social media apps, she continued arguing and eventually blocked me on all of them.
Later, her best friend called me and it turned out my girlfriend was having a breakdown. I explained my side honestly, and the friend had already seen the messages. She didn’t seem fully convinced that I had done something wrong, yet she still tried to defend her friend.
Now I’m genuinely wondering AITA here. What do I do now? | I’m 67F and would like to console you. What you’ve said here suggests to me that you need to break up with her and stay gf-free for a while and then find a more mature, less childish and manipulative partner. It may cost you the $500. Btw, financial irresponsibility is a major red flag in relationships. |
AITAH for dropping out of my best friends bridal party and ruining a 11 year friendship? | My best friend did not make me the maid of honor. I was a little sad and shocked but that is okay, the day is not about me…BUT then she tells me she doesn’t think the MOH would plan the bachelorette because she was too shy and basically implied she didn’t trust her with the plans. I was even more upset because at this point it just seems disrespectful but I thought I love her and I will and give her the day she wants. She communicated that she wanted me to run any ideas by the MOH. She asked me to make the group chat instead of the MOH. She asked me to initiate the conversation. She would confine in me about things she wanted in her wedding.
I messaged the MOH privately several times to try to get her to get things going and run things by her. She left me on read several times and then finally told me to start messaging the group for these things. I started messaging the group as per her request. We only communicated via the group. 3 months before the set bachelorette date, the MOH tried to move her bachelorette in the dead of winter (5 months away from her actual wedding date) because she couldn’t clear her schedule within the next 4 months. She was overall being a terrible MOH and my friend confinded in me about this. The bride called me crying about how unimportant she feels and how she is really upset no one is willing to shell out their money or time specifically the MOH. She said at this point she would rather have no bachelorette rather than get stuck in a snow storm.
I tried to hint at the MOH to understand that the bride was upset and didn’t want a bachelorette in January but it wasn’t working. I finally sent “she is actually very much against doing it in January and doesnt want us to pay tons to not even go outside or be snowed in. she does want her girls to be there but she also wants people to put in a little more effort to accommodate her. its hurtful that no one is willing to sacrifice a day, weekend or money to make things work the way she wants. we should be working to move our schedules, not trying to make her move her bachelorette 5 months before her wedding in the middle of winter. its just really inconsiderate tbh.” This message released absolute chaos and put tension on the whole bridal party.
Bridal party reached out to the the bride and she did a 180. She told me I overstepped, started putting words in my mouth and tried to make it seem like I was crazy. She wouldn’t admit to asking me to take on these roles. She acted like I made up those messages and just wanted control. She just started straight lying. She just pretended like I had been overstepping the entire time and said I was over planning.
A week went by because I felt space and in person would make this conversation more approachable. I invited her out to dinner and this girl DOUBLES down on how the bridal party has full rights to hate me and it will take time WHILE telling me I need to get over it because its been a week and I am being selfish. She then starts saying I’m jealous that she has friends and I am like girl… this has nothing to do with you having friends but the fact that you put me in a hard situation and turned on me. That is all I am trying to talk about. She just kept lying and making up stuff while I am trying to have a legitimate conversation. After talking in circles at the restaurant I sent her a text that told her it’s best that I step down because I don’t even know who she is right now. A part of me feels shitty because its her day but she is also legitimately gaslighting me and pretending I made up stuff.
AITA for saying something the bride communicated to me? AITA for not letting the brides betrayal go? | Wow, she really made you middle management for her wedding party. And when she threw you under the bus? Yeah, I'd send screenshots of her text showing how she feels unloved, then dip. NTA, she's not your best friend. |
AITAH - water damage | AITAH - Water damage - am I over reacting?
So - I got up around 8:15 yesterday, my girlfriend got up before me around 7:30. When I go into the kitchen, she’s mopping up water. When I asked about the water, she said she spilled a glass of water. I mentioned that it seemed to be a lot of water, but walked the dog and started working.
I have an office in the other end of the house, and around 10:00 she comes in and says that she didn’t spill water, it came from the dishwasher. I asked why she lied in the first place, and if she was sure about the dishwasher - she replied don’t know and yes.
Dishwasher is brand new and was just installed- and I watched the guy do it. But I check for leakage and if it was correctly installed - no leakage. I go back to working and at this point I still haven’t turned off the main waterline, as there didn’t seem to be any leakage.
An hour later she’s still mopping up water by a wall opposite the dishwasher and I’m like - where is the water coming from? It turns out there’s an outdoor water tap on that side of the wall, I turn off the water and voila - problem fixed.
Apart from the fact that I’m super pissed about the fact that water has been pouring into the drywall for +4 totally unnecessary hours, if she had just been honest from the start.
Insurance doesn’t cover, so I have cut off the bottom drywall and rented a dehumidifier. Hopefully it’s 1-2k $ to fix - but it could also be a lot worse.
I’m pissed about two things:
1) the lying and being sure it was the dishwasher
2) the lack of thinking, and not wondering during a four hour period of time, why water kept coming out of the wall.
Am I the asshole here for being pissed about the situation, or should I just have manned up and turned off the water immediately, and investigated?
Note - she did mop up all the water, so it’s not like she didn’t help. | Did she ever say why she lied 2x?
That’s extremely bizarre |
Aitah for telling my Son's secret at a family gathering | Hello Reddit, I am writing on a throwaway account and I'm typing on a cellphone, so don't expect much.
I (40M) have a son (14M) and a daughter (13F). This story starts a week ago when my son told me something at the dinner table. We were in the middle of eating when his mom brought up something he told her, which was something about a bad grade he got a 68% on his math test. I told him how unacceptable it was to get such a bad grade, he just looked down. My wife told me to calm down, so I did, I took away his phone and told him he is not getting it until he gets a really good grade on something. I was surprised as my son gets over 90s on almost everything the lowest he had gotten was an 83%
In our family, we get together every Sunday to meet right before everyone becomes busy in their own lives. I had started drinking with my brother when he started talking about how his son got a good grade on an essay, we were all sitting at the dinner table when I decided it was a good time to bring up my sons bad grade, I figured if all the family knew, it would pressure him into doing better, when I told everyone, my son's face dropped, I will never forget that look he gave me, a mix of disappointment and anger. he got up and left before anyone could say anything. I was in shock that he had shown such an attitude. I later found out he just walked home. When me and my wife came back he was already asleep, my wife ignored me all the way back home, which pissed me off.
The next morning I started to cook when my son walked in, I looked at him and noticed his hair, I said "you should get a haircut it looks like a mop on your head", trying to He looked at me and said "Your opinion doesn't matter to me anymore". I turned to look at him and he just glared at me and went back upstairs. It has now been 4 days since my son has had a real conversation with me.
Am I wrong for sharing my son's grade to make my brother feel better about his son?
Aita?
| bro, do you ever say anything nice to him? |
AITAH for wanting privacy during massage | My niece, 16 years younger than me but an adult, stayed over at my house for a few days. My wife and my niece went out two evenings while I took care of kids at home. The day after a concert night, both my wife and my niece were tired and hung over. I prepared lunch that day so my wife could relax a bit. After lunch, my wife was chilling on the couch. I noticed my niece looked dull and her hair frizzy, so I offered her a head massage.
Some context, whenever I used to travel to her house, my niece would be very much attached to me till she turned 5 years old, asking me to feed her, put her to sleep, read a story book, even get bathed by me.
Back to present, my niece readily took up my offer and sat in front of me. I gave her a good massage on her head and neck, in the presence of my wife. My niece said she had back pain, so I massaged her back, while my wife was sitting next to me. After a while, the doorbell rang and a servicewoman walked in for her cleaning job. Because my niece was unfamiliar, I took my niece to the bedroom and closed the door, to ensure she had some privacy.
My niece pointed to lower back, I continued massaging her lower back, and applied a pain relief ointment. After the visitor left, I again went into the living room and continued massaging my niece.
Later at night, my wife had a huge argument with me, that it was highly inappropriate of me that I touched bare skin and lower back of my niece and that too in a closed door setting.
I’ve been arguing with my wife that there was nothing inappropriate and the her mindset was very narrow.
I can’t see how my actions were wrong. Was I actually an asshole? who is the asshole here? | This story is creepy AF |
AITAH for telling my boyfriend that what he said is … RACIST! | My (29) boyfriend (30) is Polish and I am black (African born and raised) we both in the UK. I have seen racism taking all different shapes and forms and can sense even the subtle racism from a 1000 meters.
Today while chatting after work, my boyfriend told me that his brothers girlfriend in unwell because of issues with her teeth. His words were “A nurse from the Philippines extracted her teeth and overnight her face swollen up and she had to go to A&E” .. I was silent for a second before I said: “why is where she is from relevant to this story” .. he replied and said: “because she is short and probably did not take all the teeth out and she should have asked for help” .. I immediately said: “I am sorry babe but this is racist. I know you are white and you grew up around white people saying those things and maybe you don’t mean it but this comes across very racist. If it’s a white person do you think your brother or you would have said … a short white person or would you just have said some dentist?”
He did not answer to me and literally ignored the conversation and started scrolling on TikTok. It saddens me so much that my boyfriend doesn’t even understand how racism can present and not even trying to listen to me explaining this subject. Am I being unreasonable ? Am I in the wrong ? AITAH ??? | Jesus 🙄 you're clearly fishing for drama. YTA. |
WIBTAH to leave my boyfriend after he went to a strip club while on vacation with his best friend. | I [19 F], and my bf [20 M], and we have been dating for 9 months and everything has been going really great so far with the normal up and downs along but generally we get along like best friends, he recently left for a week to go on vacation to see his best friend, [20 M], a few provinces over, this morning I woke up to his message saying "We are now in a strip club and I don’t wanna be here ik not kidding I’m drinking beer from the Corner", he then proceeded to justify it by saying they only went in there for drinks and only a few minutes since they were closing,( recieved the message at 5 am and there is a 2 hour time gap so 3 his time), he then proceeded to say his friend could explain everything, his friend sent me a few snap videos of him mumbling about how they were outside of the club then went in and also added the detail that a dancer came up to them then proceeded to delete the 4 videos following that sentance, my bf continues to apologize and he is coming back in 2 days as of the time Im posting this. Now my question is what would you do in a this situation?? AITAH if I left him over this?
TLDR: Bf went to another city for a week and went to a strip club and says he only went for drinks and for 5 minutes.
So sorry for any bad grammar and bad punctuation this is my first time posting know reddit
Edit to add: Yes we had discussed strip clubs and those sorts of things were always off the table, I do trust him but its overall the fact that 1. He went despite it being previously discussed, 2. When he assigned his friend to clarify the nights events his friend mentioned being approached by dancers then instantly deleting the videos following that, that makes me very uneasy. | I mean, he did tell you where they were with an explanation. It’s probably worth talking about it with him first. |
AITAH for having different beliefs to my mother? | I am 1 month postpartum and my mother has come all the way from India to help me with this journey. She has been an absolute blessing with looking after the baby and me. She does all the household chores including cooking and cleaning and also looking after my two cats. I don't know what I would do without her.
However I have been noticing there are a few things we disagree on. Our parenting styles, sense of humor and everyday things. There have been instances where she has taken jabs at me and my husband for being over protective of our baby. Sometimes when me and my husband are arguing, she interrupts in my mother tongue which my husband cannot understand and speaks against him to me in the middle of the conversation. This is something that I don't like as I feel that I'm betraying my husband - it's like talking behind his back in another language.
One day I was talking about how I will not let my son eat outside food, she immediately jumped in and said first teach your husband not to eat outside food to which I said he has reduced a lot eating outside when I said this I was evidently very annoyed and she picked that up and said that my response was rude.
There have been several instances where I've argued back and she has said something in her defence. She takes offence very soon. My scottish husband has a peculiar sense of humor and he keeps joking to her, but she keeps taking offence to that and getting mad at him too. To which I jump in and explain he was just joking. She said to me that it feels insulting .
There are many things which have led to arguments between me and her over silly things. It's like I can't speak to her about anything. Once such argument escalated and she said to me " I have come all the way here and working like a maid in your house and you argue with me?" I felt hurt at this comment and have booked her ticket back home saying I can manage. She is going in two months.
All this has really hurt me as we were very close before. Now I feel Im distant and she hates me. I feel she is not the perfect person I once thought she was. I am I the asshole? | NTA the child is yours and not your mothers. I completely agree with the other comment where she is allowed to disagree but interfering isn’t necessary. I completely understand where you’re coming from this sounds like a tough situation but I feel like the older generation of mothers oddly just tend to be like this? Where they feel like the victim in most situations and get very defensive. It’snot your fault at all. |
AITAH for not wanting to go to my niece's birthday party? | I (24F) have told my mom I dont want to be around if my older half brother (29M) is around. I didnt go over there for Thanksgiving or Christmas because he lives there. He has no job nor a car so he is always there and theres never a time he isnt there.
The reason I dont want to be around my brother is because growing up, he constantly verbally and emotionally abused me. He would scream in my face calling me any insult you could think of. The smallest thing would set him off. For example, he yelled at me and belittled me for cooking my frozen pizza on a baking sheet instead of directly on the rack. And most of the abuse happened after he turned 17. My mom turned into a single mother raising us after her and her boyfriend broke up after 8 years when i was 12. And i would go to my dad's house sometimes since he had 50/50 custody of me. My brother's father is out of the picture entirely. My brother is very entitled since hes had most things handed to him like cars, a trailer to live in, a lawyer so he could see his 3 kids, his bills paid, stuff for his kids, bailed out of jail, etc. My mom gets it sll for him. And everytime im around him, hes constantly belittling me and my mom does nothing about it. I have PTSD from growing up with him, which my mom doesnt take seriously.
Recently, after he had abandoned his daughter to get back with an ex for the 9th time, leaving my mom to take custody of, him and his ex got into another fight and he moved back in with my mom. I told her I do not want to be around him at all. Well my nieces birthday is coming up and my mom asked if I was coming over to celebrate. I told her I assume he will be there and I dont want to be there if he is there. She said she will be disappointed if im not there and asked what I plan on doing for my niece. I told her "I dont know what to tell you, yall can come up to my house without him if you want." I love my nieces to death, but Im firm on this boundary. I feel like such an ahole for not being there, but I also dont want to be belittled and terrified the whole time. Im working very hard in therapy to process the abuse and overcome my people pleasing, so this is the first boundary ive set with my family.
I know people say "but thats your brother!" But he never treats me like a sister and now that im grown, i finally have control on how to live my life.
So AITAH for not wanting to go to the party? | This should read "AITAH for holding firm to my boundaries" because you DO want to celebrate your niece, but you do NOT want to be around someone that caused so much trauma for you. Celebrate your niece a different day with just the two of you. It's clear your mom will never agree with you and that's ok. You don't make boundaries people will agree with. You make boundaries based on your own peace. NTA |
AITAH for acting out when my coworker implied she was coerced into sexual acts | Edit: Ive already left this job for other reasons - me and this coworker are no longer speaking to each other.
TW: for mentions of possible sexual abuse
Context: Everything I have heard about this guy is through my coworker, and since all of this has gone down I have been told the possibility that she could've been either lying or over exaggerating what she tells me for attention. I like to take people at their word but to who reads this, please keep this in mind.
I (26) have been working with my coworker (25F) for almost 2 years now. We had a rough start but I'd like to think we became pretty close over time. (Emphasize on this, because now Im wondering if my perception of our closeness was false.) We used to go out for food and shopping, text all the time, and confide in each other.
She recently started dating again after a horrible breakup last summer, so I was pretty happy for her. (Context: her last partner was a girl, and prior to that she had never dated anyone else before.)
She started seeing this guy in November, and while he didn't seem the greatest she seemed like she wanted to see him so I tried figuring out how I could support her best. I didn't like him at first because she would tell me about how she doesn't like his dry texting, or that he doesn't really message her at all, or is sometimes late or forgetful about the dates they set. Not to say she didn't also contribute to the dry texting or any other issues
She also started texting me in the middle of the night spiraling about him, which I never really set a hard boundary on which is my fault.
Over the course of I believe a week and some change, she found out that he had lied about several things.
He had told her that he would be moving in April and would not be able to commit to a long term relationship. He followed that with claiming that he never said he wanted long term in the first place (but thats what he told her when they first started seeing each other).
He also lied about why he was moving, and where he was moving to. He claimed he didn't know where but that he was being relocated for work with some of hos coworkers. She finds out inderectly through his sister that he's moving to NYC, doesnt have a job lined up, and his coworkers have no idea.
She told me she thought it was incredibly shitty, but that she'd be willing to talk with him. I told her it was super shitty, but if she wanted to continue seeing him just for fun and with no commitments, than she should continue seeing him. So long as it was what made her happy.
She was invited to a work party last Friday, and prior to the day of the party she asked this guy if she could spend the night at his place after. They haven't had sex and she didn't ask with the intention of sex, but she told me that she felt obligated to have sex with him because she "felt bad for him". This was the second red flag for me.
She got super wasted on Friday night and spent the night at his place. She had called me 3 times at 2am which I had missed but I texted and called her immediately as soon as I saw it. She didn't pick up but she texted me back that she was okay but that she was pissed. Did not give me any other context.
Monday, at work, she told me what happened. She said she got black out drunk and slept over at his house Friday. She said they didnt have sex because she didn't want to but implied that he jerked off while she was sleeping next to him without asking her, and when she woke up she felt cum on his pants. She said it was really gross but she felt bad for him since they didn't have sex so she should let him atleast jerk off.
She had also implied that there was another situation earlier where she gave him a handjob because she didn't want to have sex, but that it wasn't something that she enjoyed or wanted. That she did it because she felt obligated.
Early on she had told him that she wouldnt want to have sex unless they became exclusuve, and that Friday night he [from how she described it] agreed to being her boyfriend. Not enthusiastically, but because she told him to.
Here's where the asshole part comes in: I have his IG. I dont follow him and I dont have the app, but I messaged him in a moment of heightened emotions and told me that "If he ever touches her without her explicit and direct consent then I'll call the cops."
I understand now that I'm most likely projecting my own trauma onto their situation, and that my actions were over stepping.
She called out of work the next day, and I had to discuss with my bosses who claimed that "her and the boyfriend do not feel safe around you".
While I explained myself and apoligized to my coworker and bosses (seperately), I'm honestly kind of mad about everything.
So AITAH for acting out in fear for my coworker? | I dunno if YTA exactly, but yeah, threatening a stranger based on gossip is a bad move |
AITAH for cutting off my friend after she got my bf kicked out of his apartment | My friend (20F) and I (21F) got into this argument in July, and it is still weighing on me even though everyone I’ve told about it says that I’m in the right. My boyfriend (23M) was only living in his apartment for 6 months and I was not in the lease, even though with how often I was there, I was practically living there. I helped him pay rent and covered the grocery costs as I was there all of the time, making his bills go up and eating his food. The only issue was that in his lease it stated that guests were only allowed to stay for 3 consecutive days before they had to leave, a rule that we were clearly breaking.
It started when my friend, I’m going to call her Jen, texted me asking if she could park in the parking lot when the fair was in town for the Fourth of July and it was a 5 minute walk from my boyfriends apartment. I would also like to preface that Jen knew that I was not on the lease and me being there consistently was not allowed, but we did call it my boyfriend and I’s apartment as I was paying rent and buying food. Anyway, I had no issue with her parking there, so I said sure as I saw no harm, which I now realize I should have consulted with my boyfriend first, as it was not technically my permanent address and he didn’t like Jen, which he made clear but he didn’t stop me from seeing her.
The day Jen was going to the fair came around and I got out of work to see a bunch of missed calls from her on my phone. I thought that it was odd and called her back while I was driving home to find out she cussed out my boyfriend’s landlord. She was at the fair and I could barely hear her so I said I’d talk to her later but I was livid. Apparently my boyfriend’s landlord had people pay to park in the apartment’s parking lot to get some extra cash and I was afraid to go there, but I did anyway. She flagged me down and asked why my friend came telling her that I lived in her apartment complex and cussed her out calling her a liar when I wasn’t on any leases. I said that I don’t live there, I stay with my boyfriend on occasion, but she wasn’t having it. She said to set up a meeting with her to discuss the living arrangements and I went inside.
Although I was upset with Jen, I decided I wasn’t going to contact her until everything was said and done and I calmed down about the situation so that we could salvage our friendship as we had been friends for 5 years, but 3 days after the incident, she texts me asking if I was hanging out with my other friend the day prior, who I am going to call R. There has been a past issue with her feeling left out when I would hang out with R even though we would ask her to hang out and she would say no. It was almost like me and R couldn’t hang out together without having Jen blow up my phone, so even though we would ask her, we wouldn’t say we were still hanging out as she would get on us about it. But I was not with R the day prior, I was with my family. Jen saw a post of me and R that was posted the day she texted me and Jen was accusing me of lying and saying “you could’ve just told me the truth” even though I WAS telling the truth. The conversation spiraled as I said I’d rather not talk to her as I needed to calm down about the incident a few days earlier and wanted space. She then continued to tell me that I never told her I didn’t live there (Our mutual friend later told me that I did tell Jen I was not on the lease because he was there when I told them.) Jen continued to tell me that everything that was happening is my fault and she no longer wants to continue the friendship with me and I said fine. If she no longer wants to continue our friendship because I “lied” to her, I’m not going to fight for it anymore as I have fought for our friendship too many times to count and I was exhausted. Jen also sounded offended that I seemed to be blaming her for the situation, but who else could I blame? She said the situation could’ve been avoided. Yeah, it could have, if she decided to have a civil conversation with my boyfriend’s landlord instead of screaming at her. I realize I shouldn’t have came into that conversation blaming her but I was still upset about the situation and the possibility my boyfriend could be homeless. But after I said I was fine with the friendship ending, she blew my phone up saying she was sobbing and she couldn’t do this.
I just left the conversation there but she later contacted me asking for her clothes and things back, but the thing is her mom still owes me $500 and she still owes me $100. I don’t want to give anything back until I have my money but I blocked her on everything and I don’t want to unblock her just to ask for the money and communicate that to her. And the meeting with the landlord didn’t go well, she gave us 2 weeks to leave. My boyfriend and I now live in an apartment together with both of our names on the lease, but we definitely miss the cheaper rent at our old place. AITAH? | Don’t lie to landlords. It makes them mad, and you may find yourself scrambling to find housing rather than having time to look for what you want. That’s on you and your boyfriend.
Your friend is a jerk. You’re going to have to find a way to communicate since she needs her stuff and you need her to pay her debts. |
AITAH - My (34M) GF (29F) doesn’t want me to watch porn. I kind of agree, but also don’t know if to commit to not at all? | My GF and I have been together for 9 months. We live together and have a great sex life. I’m not even kidding, she is down for it whenever and most times wants it even more than I do. She also is willing to give me the other stuff (not full sex) also pretty much anytime I want. When we’ve talked about porn she is just confused why I’d even want it when our sex life has a so active. She says she’s not even fully taken care of at times in that dept. like she o’s from sex usually, but sometimes not and then she’s left wanting more. And says I’m kinda selfish about it. And she has made tons of videos and photos for me to have on my phone. and tbh I do agree with the cutting out of porn in my life. Just feels cleaner and I’ve had way more time and just better all around. AITAH for still debating this and being wishy washy with her. Some days I say I don’t and other days I say porn isn’t that bad and I can use it. | You should spend less time watching porn and more learning how to make your GF feel good or orgasm |
My mom tells my dad everything I tell her and I feel betrayed and exposed...AITAH for feeling this way? | I’m really struggling with my relationship with my mom and I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if this is actually as messed up as it feels.
My mom and I have always been close. I used to tell her everything and trusted her with very personal things about my life. There was even a time when I did something really stupid and she helped me fix it. I was very clear that I did NOT want my dad to know about it. Later on, I was alone with my dad and he made a comment about it. I felt shocked, uncomfortable, awkward, and honestly hurt. When I confronted my mom, she admitted she told him.
That wasn’t a one-time thing. She constantly takes things I tell her in private and repeats them to my dad — sometimes in a twisted way that makes me look bad. For example, I’ll tell her something, and later when she tells my dad, it sounds like it was my idea, my fault, or like I was being manipulative.
Another example: she told me to teach my younger brother to wash dishes. Later when it came up in front of my dad, she said I bullied or pressured her(my mom) into saying it. Or I’ll tell her something about my life, and later she’ll say it to my dad in a way that makes me sound selfish or irresponsible.
What hurts even more is that when my parents fight, both of them come to me and vent. They both want me on their side. My mom tells me she doesn’t love my dad anymore and talks about wanting to leave him. My dad complains about her to me too. I end up emotionally supporting both of them. But once they make up, suddenly they’re united — and I’m the bad guy. They’ll talk about me together and criticize me behind my back.
Recently I even overheard my dad making a comment about me that was really unfair, even though when he talks to me directly he acts supportive. It feels fake and two-faced.
Another thing that really hurt me was hearing my mom tell my dad that I’m just trying to use someone to go to Europe and leave them behind poor, when in private she was the one encouraging me to take that opportunity, even though i was against it and i told her i dont like using people. She made it sound like I was the selfish one when it was something we had talked about together.
I feel like my mom is very male-centered and will always protect my dad and their relationship, even if it means throwing me under the bus. She uses me as emotional support when things are bad between them, but once things are okay again, she turns against me.
I still live with them and I’m in college, so I can’t just leave. I feel trapped between two parents who don’t respect my privacy and use me as a middleman in their relationship.
I don’t know how to set boundaries without being seen as the bad guy, and I don’t know how to stop feeling so betrayed by someone I used to trust.
Am I wrong for feeling this way? | NTA. narcissist never tries to reflect on their behavior, it will be best to keep your distance and relationship with your mother, don't pour our your heart to her when you guys talk coz clearly she looks for information to throw you under the buss and make you look like a bad person |
AITAH for being mad my parents want me to go to a community college? PLEASE READ | I don’t know if I’m being dramatic or unreasonable, but I am so disappointed that my parents want me to go to a community college. I have neglected almost every other aspect in my life to just studying. I even did the IB program because my whole life the goal was to go to a good university and get a good job like most people want. However, because my parents also support my older sister and my brother, I have applied to universities that have a good reputation and support my career well but at the same time give full rides, however it is not always guaranteed. So far universities have offered me 60k-40k scholarships for each year of university. However, despite this my dad is unwilling to pay the remaining amount, stating he can’t afford it and for me to go to community college. However, I can’t help but find this unfair, as he’s been fully supporting my sister through university (she’s halfway done), and invests almost all his time and money on my younger brother's baseball career. travel teams, equipment, coaching all of it. But me? The only thing I ever did was study and get good grades for my future and now I'm being told to go to community college. It just feels so unfair. How come they get to explore their dreams the way they want with the best resources to help them succeed but I just get told to go to Malaysia and places like Spain to study (not that they don’t have good resources but just not where I want to study my career). like why did I try so hard in school? Why did I stress myself out with IB and grades and exams if this was the outcome anyway. If I knew they weren't going to support me going to university I honestly wouldn't have tried this hard. I could've done the bare minimum and still ended up in the same place. When I asked my parents why they didn't start a college fund for me when they knew they were having me, my dad just said “because my parents didn't do it for me.” ok?? so because your parents didn't support you, that's just how it's supposed to be? then why have kids if you can't afford to support them? Why repeat the same thing and punish your kids just because your parents did it to you. That logic makes zero sense to me. At this point I feel so unmotivated and tired. like why even keep doing IB or care about school anymore if none of it matters. It feels like all my effort was for nothing and I'm honestly really resentful. and what makes me even so much more madder is that I could’ve enjoyed so much more of my high school years making memories instead of studying so hard in the end to receive nothing. So am I wrong for being mad about this? Is it that I can’t understand my parents' perspective? | NTA but you can't force him to pay. If you truly want to go the university route, you might have to find the funding yourself. But keep the unfairness in mind for whenever they need anything from you. |
AITAH for keeping payment for work I completed after a former Boss claimed it was his? | A few years ago, I worked as a subcontractor under a guy for about three years. He handled talking to management, and I did all the actual work. At the time, I was new to the trade and didn’t mind the arrangement.
Over time, I became very good at the work and ended up doing essentially 100% of the jobs myself. Everyone on site knew it. He mostly spent his time talking to managers and socializing, and he would sometimes make jokes at my expense. They weren’t outright insults, but they were enough to make me feel like he didn’t take me seriously or respect my work.
Later, his son moved into town and he asked me to train him. I agreed, but it quickly became clear that his son had no real skills in the trade. When my next paycheck came, the guy took half of my pay and gave it to his son, saying he was “part of the team.” I reminded him that I was a subcontractor, not an employee. (even though he told everyone that I am his employee - but his company paid my company as a subcontractor ) After that, I realized he had never been paying me properly, never showed invoices, and paid me a flat rate instead of per job.
Not long after, his wife moved out of state and he followed her. I took over the work on my own and started doing well financially.
Fast forward about three years.
I was subcontracted for jobs in another state and saw his name listed on the same work platform. When I saw him on the job site, my first thought was that he might try to pull something similar to before — letting me do all the work while he took the credit. Because of that, I made sure I was clearly representing myself. I wore my uniform with my company logo visible at all times.
Despite that, he went around talking to managers and others on site, telling them that it was “his job site,” that everything belonged to him, and that the work I was doing was actually his company’s work.
At that point, I knew he might try to screw me over, so I focused on protecting myself. I went over the top with documentation. I document all my work using an iPad and a job documentation app. Every job includes before-and-after photos taken before work begins and after completion, my company logo and automatic timestamps, physical signatures, and digital attachments that are automatically sent to both the broker and the approving manager.
Jobs continued, and I completed every single one myself. He mostly did what he always did — talked to managers, socialized, and joked around. At one point he said, “Just like old times, right?” I agreed, but I was already being cautious.
Two weeks later, I got a call from the manager saying they needed proof of work and signatures because he had claimed his company completed the jobs.
Because of my documentation, I was able to immediately prove I did the work. The manager apologized and issued my payment.
A week later, he called me furious, saying that money was his and that when I said “just like old times,” that meant we were splitting the pay like before. I asked if he had actually done any of the work. He admitted he hadn’t, but said our “deal” was that I do the work and he talks to management.
I told him the jobs came through a broker, not him, and that I completed them independently. He got angry, cursed me out, and said his wife was upset because they bought a new truck expecting to be paid for the work he claimed he was doing.
He’s now threatening to sue me.
On top of that, he has a large social circle and has been telling people that I ruined his life. Friends of his have been leaving comments on my Instagram and Facebook calling me an asshole, saying I stole his money, and blaming me for his financial situation.
Here’s where I’m conflicted: I feel justified because I did the work and protected myself — but I also didn’t explicitly tell him ahead of time that I was getting paid directly and that he wouldn’t be. I anticipated he might try to take credit, documented everything to protect myself, and now I’m wondering if that makes me the asshole.
So, AITA for keeping the money for work I personally completed and not telling him upfront that I would be paid instead of him — even though I believed he would try to take credit for my work? | NTA
You took all the right steps to protect yourself. Its unfortunate he got zero in writing so he would get paid. If it goes to court, you have more than enough documentation to back up your claims you did all the work. I would suggest turning off commenting capabilities in your social media accounts. Once the dust settles, if it goes to court, post your proof, after the verdict is given. That way you can clear any misunderstandings created by him. |
AITAH for not staying my step kids | My husband and his first wife divorced and I met him when his children were young (5&8). We moved in together about a year later. My family is very comfortable and my father is generous so he bought the house we live in as a wedding gift to me prior to our marriage. My husband and his ex agreed it would be best to put the kids in this school district so our address has been the primary residence this entire time.
My husband and I are divorcing. He was in a lot of debt when we married and my father negotiated a prenup that says he basically leaves with what he brought into the marriage. In the years we were married, he paid off his debt so he will be fine but real estate has exploded so he has no chance of getting into this neighborhood. There are other good school districts in the area, just not as good as this one.
Everything about this house reminds me of our failed marriage. I want to move away and start over. My company has an office in a city that I've always enjoyed visiting and I think the change will be good for my mental health. I told my ex I will stay til the end of the school year for the kids, but both my ex and the kids mom are screaming at me about how awful I am. How i'm ruining the kids future and punishing them when the divorce is not their fault.
They are great kids and I miss them so much. The oldest is in high school and Im sure it sucks to change schools as a teenager. I havent seen the oldest since they moved out. The youngest stopped by with her dad to exchange Christmas gifts with me and does text sometimes, but she is on so many activities that shes always busy.
I dont want to put my life on hold anymore. I want to start over, maybe meet someone and have kids of my own. This house is big and lonely now. Am I really awful?
EtA: since everyone is asking, I dont think he can afford the house even at a discount. The market went crazy since my father bought it and its worth a lot. He has a good job, but not that good. This neighborhood is really popular right now. I could rent to him, but the thought of him bringing other women to my house....Id rather rent to his first ex-wife. | NTA, he can buy the house from you if he needs to have that address or rent a smaller house/apartment in the area. You shouldn't be hostage to your ex for kids that dont even seem like they have a great relationship with you. |
AITAH for wearing sweats in front of my husband's fancy boss ? | My husband (26m) and I (26f) got married last November. Before we got married, he got a major promotion in October.
This weekend, he gave out his car to get some type of enhancement. He was going to use a service to go work on Saturday. But since he was going to hang with me after work, I offered to pick him up from work. I was wearing the grey sweats when I made that offer on Saturday morning. He didn't say anything about how I was dressed.
When I came to pick him. As he was about to go in the car, a woman called put his name and rushed over. I recognized her as his boss. To paint a picture, her blouse, blazer, shirt, shoes, handbag, makeup, and hairstyle all looked fancy, sophisticated, and rich. She's in her 40s.
She came to the driver's side window and she seemed excited to meet me. I existed the car. She was super nice to me. Example, she said she wished she could have come to the wedding. Saying that we're a gorgeous couple.
On the trip home, my looked annoyed. At home, I asked my husband what's up. He said he's embarrassed his boss saw me looking like this. That we wished I looked better when I met his boss. I asked him why didn't he tell me to dress up. He said he didn't think he had to. Am I the asshole ? | Honestly its a little weird that he felt that way, especially because you and his boss had a good meeting. Its not like you knew youd be meeting his boss either, he sounds kinda childish tbh. |
AITAH For not reminding my mom of my surgery? | On mobile, sorry for formatting.
I had a surgery last Tuesday (1/6), where everything went as planned. This surgery had been planned for 3 months and I had told my immediately family about it multiple times, as I needed someone to come stay with me over night the first night.
My grandmother (father’s mother) volunteered and was with me for 3 days following surgery. On the day of surgery, I didn’t hear from my mother until around 9pm, when she sent me a picture of my sister’s cat. I didn’t respond because drugs but I did decide in that moment to not remind my mom I had surgery.
On Thursday, my mother called me to ask if I could still officiate marriages (I can); she decided to marry her latest bf at our family reunion this summer without telling the rest of the family. I let her chat on about all this without interrupting but my grandmother decided to insert herself. She very loudly asked me if my mom was calling to check up on me. I told her no and that she was being rude interrupting my phone call.
My mother went silent then asked who that was. When I told her who it was, she asked if I was getting ready for my surgery. I told it happened Tuesday and she asked “Next Tuesday?”, to which I confirmed that it was the Tuesday that just passed. She quickly wrapped up the call and hasn’t messaged me since.
My grandmother is saying I’m an asshole for not reminding my mother but this is a pattern for her (my mother) and I had plenty of other things to worry about.
So AITAH?
For extra backstory:
My parents divorced and separated when I was 4. My dad had full custody and practically raised me himself. His mother stepped in as a mother figure while my mother fucked around during my childhood. She and I are not close.
When I was 13 I had strep throat so badly I was hospitalized. When I called my mother, terrified and in pain and just wanting my mom, she told me she was at a 4th of July party and that she’d leave to see me if I actually had surgery. My priority in her life hasn’t increased since then but I’m almost 35 now so I’ve gotten used to it.
Her last marriage she eloped with a man who had (weeks prior) called 15 year old me and left a voicemail threatening all sorts of violence on me when he knew I was home alone. I was so terrified I showed up sobbing at her father’s (my grandfather) house for help. She married him on my 16th birthday without telling anyone, then was surprised when I was upset. | NTA
Your mother is more of an egg-donor than a mom. She hasn't put much into the mother/kid relationship, so there's little reason for you to offer her more information than she needs. I disagree with your grandmother. Keep people like your mother on an information diet. Just live your own life. |
AITAH for very bluntly telling my gf she shouldn't accept an instagram follow request from a stranger who was likely flirting with her? | I got a text from my girlfriend (we are long distance) that was kind joking said "tell me how to reject someone" with a bunch of skull emojis. I just said Lmao and asked what happened and she called, telling me some random guy at the grocery store complimented her hair, starting talking to her more and asking what she likes to do for fun, ultimately asking for her instagram. She has trouble saying no to people in general (I know this is true, she is not making an excuse), and she gave him her instagram. She asked me if she should accept the follow request or not and if he was actually flirting, and I told her than there's probably a 90+% chance he was flirting to some degree. I told her she shouldn't accept the request, but she said that made her feel crappy/guilty because of how he may feel by being rejected, and that there's a chance he just wants to be friends. At this point I got pretty blunt with her and told her that he is very likely flirting and that unless she wants to reject some guy in her dms, she shouldn't accept the request and shouldn't feel guilty about it.
She then said she wouldn't, and she understood why, but didn't like my tone. She said I talked down on her and didn't factor in how it would make her feel guilty by not accepting, and that it's not as easy for her to reject someone as it may be for me. She said she felt that it wasn't fair (I can't remember the exact wording) that I thought her position of considering accepting the request was "kind of crazy," because she didn't think my view was crazy. She said I didn't empathize with her and that it irritated her, and that I can't force her to do anything, to which I replied that I wasn't (I even said ultimately it's up to you, but I'd prefer you not to). But she also said that my irritation makes her feel like she had not choice but to ignore the request. AITAH? Truthfully I was quite blunt with her. I honestly still do think it is crazy that she would consider accepting that follow request, but maybe that's not fair?
Edit: She didn't feel like I should have to "let her" follow the guy, and she said she wouldn't follow him and understood why. She just didn't like how I said it. | Why was she even asking you? This is all so bizarre. |
AITAH for not responding to my dad? | (first post on reddit so if formatting is weird or there are errors i apologize. i also kind of suck at storytelling so bear with me if i accidentally go on a tangent)
i (22F) just had my birthday and while i was out at dinner my dad apparently called me and had left a voicemail. all the voicemail was was him singing happy birthday and my step mom saying happy birthday OP. for context, i haven’t spoken to either of them in over a year and a half. my relationship with my dad is not a good one and i have a lot of trauma surrounding him. i don’t want to get into that as i don’t want to trauma dump to a bunch of strangers on the internet lol. it’s important to note that my father did not say anything to me on my 21st birthday nor any other holidays you’d normally text family for (xmas, thanksgiving, etc.) but he acknowledged it by asking my mom about stopping child support. this hurt because turning 21 is a big milestone for a lot of people and the fact later acknowledged it but didn’t apologize and still hasn’t makes this wound still very painful for me.
i was telling my sister about it (she’s my half sister, we have different dads) and she was with a long time childhood friend who was also listening to the story. i know this childhood friend (i’ll refer to her as A) as well, even though she’s closer in age to my sister (4 years older than me) we would often all play together when we were young so i didn’t mind that she was listening in. i was telling my sister how i’m not going to respond to the voicemail since i think it’s best for me and my mental health to not engage. A made a comment about how it’s kind of rude that i wouldn’t respond since he did actually call me this year. she knows that i haven’t talked to him due to that and other pain he has caused me and my mother. my sister said that it’s not rude for me not to respond since i don’t own my father anything but it’s honestly causing me more thought than i hoped. for a long time i had contemplated trying to fix my relationship with my father and it was only two years ago i came to the conclusion that i wouldn’t. i don’t think i’m in the wrong for not responding but A’s comment is making me feel like i’m in the wrong. | Reminder not to downvote assholes | This is simply a copy of the original text, it is not a sign you did anything wrong |
Original copy of post's text by /u/One-Birthday-6041: (first post on reddit so if formatting is weird or there are errors i apologize. i also kind of suck at storytelling so bear with me if i accidentally go on a tangent)
i (22F) just had my birthday and while i was out at dinner my dad apparently called me and had left a voicemail. all the voicemail was was him singing happy birthday and my step mom saying happy birthday OP. for context, i haven’t spoken to either of them in over a year and a half. my relationship with my dad is not a good one and i have a lot of trauma surrounding him. i don’t want to get into that as i don’t want to trauma dump to a bunch of strangers on the internet lol. it’s important to note that my father did not say anything to me on my 21st birthday nor any other holidays you’d normally text family for (xmas, thanksgiving, etc.) but he acknowledged it by asking my mom about stopping child support. this hurt because turning 21 is a big milestone for a lot of people and the fact later acknowledged it but didn’t apologize and still hasn’t makes this wound still very painful for me.
i was telling my sister about it (she’s my half sister, we have different dads) and she was with a long time childhood friend who was also listening to the story. i know this childhood friend (i’ll refer to her as A) as well, even though she’s closer in age to my sister (4 years older than me) we would often all play together when we were young so i didn’t mind that she was listening in. i was telling my sister how i’m not going to respond to the voicemail since i think it’s best for me and my mental health to not engage. A made a comment about how it’s kind of rude that i wouldn’t respond since he did actually call me this year. she knows that i haven’t talked to him due to that and other pain he has caused me and my mother. my sister said that it’s not rude for me not to respond since i don’t own my father anything but it’s honestly causing me more thought than i hoped. for a long time i had contemplated trying to fix my relationship with my father and it was only two years ago i came to the conclusion that i wouldn’t. i don’t think i’m in the wrong for not responding but A’s comment is making me feel like i’m in the wrong.
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AITAH for wanting to lick my girlfriend’s shoes/boots/heels? | This is a throwaway account for obvious reasons. So, I (20M) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (19F) for a couple of months now. Overall, we’re very compatible. There is emotional chemistry.. we share similar values/principles, and we also have similar goals/plans for the future.
However, sexually, there’s a major issue. I have a strong foot/shoe fetish, and this is something I’ve had since childhood. It’s not porn-induced.. I felt these desires long before I felt conventional sexual attraction. For me, it’s a deeply ingrained part of my sexuality. I’m also strongly submissive and get pleasure from being beneath a woman, kneeling, obeying, and acts like licking/kissing her shoes.
My girlfriend isn’t interested in this at all. She finds it gross and dehumanizing and has made it clear she doesn’t want to participate. I respect that she doesn’t want to do something she’s uncomfortable with. However, this fetish is not a small or optional thing for me, it’s central to my sexual needs.
Because of that, I told her that we might be sexually incompatible and that my needs aren’t being met, so it may be better for us to part ways. She responded by saying I was selfish for prioritizing a kink or fetish over the relationship itself.
The problem is that I feel extremely sexually deprived and frustrated. It’s reached a point where even the thought of cheating crosses my mind, even though I know it’s wrong and I don’t want to do it.
So, AITAH for feeling this way and considering ending the relationship over sexual incompatibility? | NTA. If you aren't compatible you aren't compatible. And part of that is the physical realtionship. |
AITAH for reporting my unhinged friend to the authorities? | Bare with me, this will be long... skip to the ⚠️⚠️ part if you want a quick read.
Maybe this doesn't add much to the main part of the story but i dont have anyone to talk to, so this is my way of kind of venting.
For a little context, this was my best friend for about 2 years. We met through a mutual church going friend back in 2022 exchanged numbers and I didn't hear from her until 2023 when she suggested we go get some ice cream. At the time i was out of state and told her id be glad ro hang when I got back.
So that's what we did. I thought she was pretty chill. I was so happy to have a female friend that believed the same things I did. Little did I know....
I should have seen the red flags. Every time we hung out, she had me drive her everywhere and pay for her stuff. At first I didnt mind because that's what friends do, right?
Our relationship took a bad turn in October of last year. I originally planned to spend Halloween with my husband and daughter but she wanted to go trunk or treating and my husband didnt mind so we decided to make it a girls day. She wanted me to do her hair and we would go buy costumes and hang out all day. On the night of the 30th she texts me asking if i could pick a friend up. Someone (a minor) i never met and who lived an hour away from me in a different direction by the way my friend also lives an hour and a half in the opposite direction. I told her I was not bringing a stranger into my car with my daughter and that it was unreasonable to expect me to drive a total of five hours that day because i was also expected to drop this stranger off. A few hours later she texts me saying she was feeling mentally drained and didnt know if she wanted to hang and canceled our plans. So I went back to my original plan of just hanging with my husband and daughter. On the morning of the 31st (Halloween) Dem (we'll call her that) texts me bright and early around 7 am that she does actually want to hang. I didnt read the message until 11 am and told her it wouldnt work today.
I didn't hear from her until the first of November asking if I could come do her hair and be done by 4 pm since she works then. I told her the style she wants typically takes 5 hours, and I couldnt drive all the way to her place, set everything up and be done by 4 and I would not be rushed. She got upset and told me I was making her out to be a liar because she told another friend she couldn't hang out that day because she was getting her hair done. I said that I never agreed and she shouldnt have told anyone else that before running it by me first.
Finally a week later i had some time and told her i could do her hair then. But that I needed to leave before it got dark.
So i went over we hung out for a bit went shopping and ate out, everything was fine until we got to her apartment around 1 pm.
In total she took 15 smoke breaks that took five minutes each plus needing to stretch. I kept telling her I needed to leave before it got dark because I cannot see good enough to drive at night. She assured me I would leave before 6 pm. I braided her hair all the way and went to put it in a pony tail then she decided the extensions I put in were not long enough. So I took several out as quick as I could and added more. When I put it in a ponytail she didnt like how small it was and wanted a big poofy one. Again I took it out and fixed it. Finally she was satisfied.
It was around 6 30 now and I was packing up to leave when she told me she had a date coming by that night and needed help with her makeup. It was already dark and I was a bit upset but it wasnt getting darker so I decided to stay another half hour helping her with her makeup. First it wasnt light enough, then not dark enough, her contour wasnt sharp enough, and her nose looked too big (im a professional makeup artist btw) so I had to completely change her look. It was now 8 and a chance of snow soon I told her I had to go. I packed my stuff and kid up and left.
I got home around 11 pm and checked my phone to see a message from her. It was a picture of one of her extensions pulled out. Apparently she and her little boyfriend had been rough housing and he messed her hair (my 5 hours of work) up. She said if I had done this or that it wouldnt have happened. Btw I did all this for free. She tried to laugh it off as if she wasnt actually mad but I was.
We didnt talk much for a few days. Then her mext favor was wanting to hang out with me and my husband's family for Thanksgiving. Meaning I would go pick her up, bring her here for the day and night, and take her back in time for her job early in the morning. I told her I dont drive in the snow because of previous accidents, she kept telling me everything would be okay and God would protect us. But I told her straight up I wasnt doing it.
She said it was cool and asked for help with something else.
⚠️Here's where it gets weird ⚠️
She has been obsessed with this man for years. And has wanted to get in a relationship with him but he always turned her down. Apparently he recently got a girlfriend who looks a lot like her, Dem didnt like that. And she would go into details how she wanted to off this girl and if that didn't work make up stories to her boyfriend to get them broken up, the only thing is her and her boyfriend were very private. Their Facebook didn't have any mention of each other and they only had one picture together. Dem is dumb as a pile of rocks and didnt know how to do any type of detective work so she asked me to find this girl. It wasnt hard to do, I found her name, address, all her social media handles, and where she went to school (BTW im not a creep this was things readily available you just have to know where to look) but as Dem kept talking to me I realized maybe handing this information over was not so smart. I didnt take her offing the girlfriend comment too seriously thats why I was gathering the information for her but as I listened to the things she said and read between the lines of her messages I decided to have a talk with her. I told her I knew about her past, she went to jail for assault, I knew about her mental issues, I have a cop friend who has files on her and told me just enough to know she has a few screws loose up in there, and I told her I didnt feel comfortable handing over this information because I was not going to sit in a cell with her because I became an accomplice in whatever she decided to do.
Then radio silence. I didnt hear anything from her for 2 weeks. Then I got a bunch of weird messages from her acting holier than thou, picking on me because i do comedy skits on tiktok, and next thing I know, im blocked because I am no longer favored by God since I stopped letting her use me.
So now im thinking about going to the police station and giving them the dozens of screenshots I have of her being unhinged and deranged. I know some people will say im doing this because im hurt she ruined our friendship and that's part of it, but also because some others have helped me to see she is a menace to society and needs to be put in rehabilitation of some sort. Tell Mr, Reddit, would i be the asshole? | So, people can be dramatic when they talk. But saying off the woman coupled with everything else? That's definitely dangerous territory. |
AITAH My ex is waging a personal war on me through our kids and I’m tired of being treated like it’s “just co-parenting.” How us this happening? | I’m divorced. Two daughters. One is 18, one is 15. Their dad, "Chad", has decided that the best way to “move on” is to turn everyday parenting into a power contest with me.
He doesn’t yell at me in person. He does something better. He rewrites reality, delays basic decisions, dumps responsibility onto the kids, and then accuses me of harassment when I ask questions that any functional parent would ask.
Examples from the last few months:
• My daughter was injured during his parenting time. She sent me photos of her ankle swelling. I told him she needed urgent care. He delayed it for over 8 hours. He never contacted me. His wife gave the updates instead.
• When my daughter asks him about clarinet lessons or her learner’s permit, he deflects with “I’ll talk to her” instead of answering me directly. He keeps pushing adult responsibilities onto a teenager so he doesn’t have to engage.
• When I calmly assert a boundary or say I’ll continue communicating as a parent, he calls it “harassment” and tells me to stop texting. I stop. Then he sends another message accusing me of harassment again. It’s like DARVO in real time.
• He tells the girls I’m “the bitch.” Not to my face. To our daughters.
• He accuses me of “passing messages through the kids” while actively making the kids carry communication because he won’t talk to me.
• He gets furious when I buy the girls things he doesn’t want to help pay for, then complains I’m “costing him too much money.” Meanwhile he claims his parents raised him with nothing so the kids should just deal.
• He literally told me I was “contaminating his house with my money.”
• He tried to tell me I’m only allowed to contact him about bills. Not about school. Not about medical care. Not about our kids.
This is not co-parenting. This is control with a clipboard.
The worst part is watching my daughters try to manage his moods. They’re careful about what they tell me because they’re scared he’ll punish them. My older daughter plays peacekeeper. My younger one still tells me everything and then worries about getting in trouble for it.
I’m not trying to “win.” I’m trying to keep my kids emotionally safe while their father uses silence, contempt, and false accusations to feel powerful.
He doesn’t realize he’s teaching them exactly who he is.
I used to shrink to keep things calm. Now I don’t. And suddenly I’m the problem.
Funny how that works.
***Update***Email to myself documenting mediation yesterday
Summary
Date: January 13, 2026
Matter: Parenting communication, financial contribution disputes, co-parenting boundaries
Parties Present:
Michelle Murphy (Mother)
Chad Blank (Father)
Court-appointed mediator
Overview
The mediation deteriorated into an unbalanced confrontation in which Chad Blank dominated the session through hostile, accusatory, and emotionally coercive language. The mediator failed to interrupt, redirect, or establish boundaries around repeated personal attacks, resulting in Michelle Murphy being placed in a defensive position rather than a problem-solving one.
The session did not function as mediation. It functioned as a platform for Chad to deliver a character attack under the appearance of process.
Chad’s Conduct
1. Repeated False Allegations
Chad asserted that Michelle:
Is a habitual liar.
Intentionally harms the children.
Causes problems in his household.
Uses money to exert control.
Passes messages through the children inappropriately.
These claims were presented without evidence and contradict Michelle’s documented communications and financial records.
2. Emotional Aggression
Raised voice and contemptuous phrasing.
Framed boundary-setting as malicious behavior.
Used moralizing and demeaning tone.
3. Financial Shaming
Chad stated he would not “contaminate” his household with Michelle’s money and implied her support of the children was harmful rather than responsible parenting.
4. Narrative Control
Denied receiving emails Michelle has records of sending.
Reframed his lack of response as her misconduct.
Presented long-standing issues as if they originated solely from her recent boundary-setting.
5. Misuse of “Harassment”
Chad labeled Michelle’s calm, necessary co-parenting communication as harassment despite no escalation or inappropriate volume of messaging.
Mediator Conduct
Failure to Intervene
The mediator did not redirect or set boundaries when Chad engaged in character attacks, financial shaming, or false global claims about Michelle’s parenting.
Outcome
The mediation did not result in constructive negotiation. It reinforced a pattern of Chad using authority settings to control rather than collaborate.
Personal Impact Statement (Private Record)
The mediation failed not because compromise was impossible, but because it permitted one parent to emotionally prosecute the other without accountability.
Michelle entered to discuss parenting logistics.
She left having been put on trial for existing. | you know you're NTA right? maybe it'll be better if your daughters don't stay in their father's house while you guys settles things out... i feel like since that's how your ex behaves he may have given them trauma that you didn't even heard of until now. please prioritize safety of your kids. if he don't want to co-parent then F him he doesn't deserve to be their father and be in their lives |
AITAH - Emotional Affair + His Addiction | I am opening myself up to a lot of criticism, but I need perspective...
- I got married at 18 and moved countries to be with my husband
- He treated me mostly well, but when I'd try to go out with friends and experience life a bit, he'd get controlling
- After 2 years he started name calling (sl*t, etc) and getting angry if I tried to stay with female colleagues after work for a drink.
- A man at work noticed. He started pursuing me. We had an emotional affair. I felt controlled, I wanted out, and I wanted support in order to leave my husband.
- After telling my husband I am leaving and want a divorce, signing for an apartment etc, I let the other man kiss me. It was a way to seal the moving on.
- My husband begged for me back. I came back under certain conditions, like him needing organise some trips for me to see my family and never speaking to me the way he had.
- 3 children and 14 years later, he confessed to a porn addiction
- it had spiralled into him ignoring every need, barely helping around the house, and staying up most nights to look at porn
- he created AI porn about colleagues, my friends, mums at school, and admitted to being able to be attracted to most anything, including my mother
- it gets worse but I can't post it here
- I gave him grace. I cried. I ached. I told him what hurt but told him I will leave it to him to handle this and repair it. I didnt assassinate his character. That was 6 months ago. He seems to have stopped, but has struggled with ED on and off as a result of the addiction
- Meanwhile, I am a sales executive. I had a male client hitting on me
- I put strong boundaries in place and kept it professional but after my husband's porn confession, I slipped.. I allowed more conversations. He saw me in a way I had not be seen in a long time. Remembered small details about me. I felt desired again.
- it does count as an emotional affair because I hid our texts. We never did anything physical, ever. There were no plans, no romantic confessions from my end.
- I never pursued him or said romantic things. He did, and I would mostly shut it down and would never reciprocate.
- but I still messed up. I was very wrong. I have reopened a very old wound for my husband and it's not ok, at all.
I admitted all of this to my husband when he found a text. He is angry. He accused me of sleeping with the man, of our children not being his, of his parents always being right about me (they regularly accused me of things that are not true).
AITA?
Are we both? | Yikes. I’d just count it as a total loss and dip. Yes, you’re both the AH. You deserve to be with someone who will make you happy, but cheating is always a shitty thing to do. |
AITAH for feeling this way | I’m a 19-year-old female, and I turned 19 in late November 2025. I had plans to spend my birthday with my grandparents and my aunt, who I’ll call Ella (she’s 30). About a week before my birthday, Ella asked me what I wanted as a gift. She suggested a few ideas, like a gift card or going out to dinner. I chose a gift card because I wasn’t sure I’d have time to go out to dinner anytime soon.
On the day of my birthday, we were originally supposed to go to a buffet, but I decided I just wanted to stay home. Everyone was okay with that, and we planned to celebrate the following week with more family instead. The next week came, and my other aunt gave me a gift, which I absolutely loved. However, Ella never gave me anything.
I don’t expect gifts from anyone, and I don’t want to seem greedy. But I wouldn’t ask someone what they wanted for their birthday and then not follow through, which is why this hurt. When Christmas came around, Ella kept saying she was going to buy gifts for my cousins and me, but she never did. Despite that, I bought her a Christmas gift for the first time this year. I was really excited to give it to her, but she didn’t say thank you. Instead, she complained and said it wasn’t what she wanted.
I ignored it outwardly, but inside I was really hurt and ended up crying. I love my aunt a lot, and even though we don’t always get along, we try. This situation just really upset me. I don’t understand why she would ask me what I wanted for my birthday and then not get me anything. I’m not angry—just hurt and confused. It feels like she may not like me, especially since this isn’t the first time she’s acted this way toward me.
| Speaking as someone in my 30’s, this is not the behavior of a mature adult. Nor one that has things together. I wouldn’t take it personally. It sounds more like a personal issue and not about you. Even her reaction to your gift was wildly immature. I wouldn’t take just attempt to match her energy. Not by making empty promises or complaining. But if she doesn’t get you gifts, don’t worry about getting her gifts. And don’t expect her to be someone who will follow through on promises. And you are fine for being disappointed. That is normal. |
AITAH for no longer wanting closure from my ex? | I was with an ex for 2 months. I got incredibly attached, saw a future with them, and when it ended, I was devastated.
It took me about 2 years to genuinely heal and to be able to see things more objectively, rather than through rose colored glasses.
On December 8th, I sent a script that included everything I felt. Everything that felt unresolved.
They agreed to give feedback, but that it would take a while as they're busy.
But within the past week, I stopped waiting for a response. I stopped checking the messages. I almost considered messaging them "It's fine; I don't need feedback on it".
AITA?
I feel like I don't need the closure anymore and it's making me question a lot. I'm not used to not needing them for closure or not caring about what they think of me, but I'm noticing a huge shift.
| Wait, you dated someone for two months and then messaged them two years later about it? wanting closure?
Move on, lmao.
NTA, you're definitely a little weird though. |
Aitah cause I cared more about my privacy being leaked than thier hurt? | For context, I am F(17) and i have a bf, i went to him about my day and the what makes me sad or upset or my traumas. So recently my "friends", especially A and Z decided to go through my texts. Well to be exact, i logged in to my account from A's phone and i later told her to log out of it like few months back, then during November once our exams got over, my friends were avoiding me. A few days after that, Z decides to drag me to the canteen and was like i wanna show u something, prior to this, Z made a whole thing about how this girl hurt her and how it was so bad and how that person who hurt her she still loves them very much.
I thought it was about someone else so I was like pretty curious, but like most of my "friends" also popped up and then z decided to pull out my texts with my bf and be like how can u speak about this to him? Whatever i spoke to him was not anything outright bad, at the worst I told him she was a lot for me and i forget about it after i said it, so I never attached any weight to it.
S had my account and was "curious" so she went through my chats and didn't like what she saw in there and sent it to everyone else without me knowing and then they all basically did a group confrontation with me.
I even apologised for what I said in there and told them it was just jokes and i didn't even remember that, but then when i was like it's my privacy tho. How can u go through it? They were like i told you she'll be more worried about her phone than about us. Which makes me go, am I the asshole for being concerned about my privacy being gone? I apologized but I can't bring myself to ever look at them the same way again.
- Give insights cause i would love to know other people's opinions on this
- it's a confusing situation, so feel free to comment | This isn't a normal, respectful, or kind relationship.
Friends do not invade each other's privacy; friends don't publicly expose each other.
Change your passwords and keep these people at arms length. Protect yourself. |
AITAH for NOT changing a contact name that was a joke. | So for context I F23 and my boyfriend “chase” M25 have been off and on for the last 5 years. I cut off family and moved states to be with him when I was 18. Last year he moved back to our home state and left me in the new state with his family. And he was moved out and we were broken up for 10 months. He moved out the beginning of January. I had made friends the months Chase was gone. One of these friends was “Dave”. I did have a short fling with someone while Chase was gone and I turned to Dave after the fling ended because I was upset. Dave and I became best friends and the inside joke was he is my baby daddy. I do not have kids, there was a pregnancy scare. Dave jokingly said “oh word, I’ll be the dad”. The joke was a funny inside joke between us. I made that his contact name and didn’t think about it.
Fast forward to Chase moving back up. Chase called me the night before to tell me he was moving back up. But like not only was he moving up but he was bring his girlfriend along too. That news alone was enough to send me to a spiral.
Well after I told Dave the situation, he confessed his feelings to me. I didn’t feel the same and I let him know, and we continued to be friends.
Chase moves in and decides that he’s still in love with me, and leaves the chick he moved up with, and wants to fix things with me. While the chick he moved up with was still living in my house. I told him, that she and I needed to have a conversation before anything progressed between him and I. I wanted to make sure it was over between them before I got into anything. She told me it was over between them. The relationship began again with Chase. It was early October when this took place.
(Mind you I know I was stupid for taking Chase back since he cheated the first time with his sister’s best friend. That’s a story in itself.)
Chase didn’t not like that I had a guy best friend whom confessed his feelings to me. I explained this to Dave and we cut down communication to almost none because he respected my relationship. I never changed his contact name from “baby daddy” I honestly never even thought about it.
Fast forward to about a week ago. I reached out to Dave for a question about our job. We don’t work for the same company but our work coincides with each other. Chase saw the conversation and the contact name, and flew off the handles.
Chase now says that I messed up and ruined our relationship, he says he doesn’t love anymore because of it.
AITAH for NOT changing a contact name that was a joke?
Edit: this is not a “tit for tat” I made the contact name while Chase and I were not together and living in different states. When Chase asked me to stop taking to him, I did up until it was the question about work. Not once before did he say he had any issues with the contact name prior to him flipping out on me. I have forgiven him for everything he has done. | Racoons in a dumpster |
AITAH crazy for thinking what my mom and sister are doing to the dog is abuse. | So my mom got us a dog when I was in about seventh grade. I’m in college now the dog was a Great Dane. and I love this dog the most out of my two other siblings. I was the one who really bonded with my dog. I would sleep with his dog I would go and walk with my dog, etc. His dog was my best friend the first few years
My mom essentially made us go live with our dad and that kind of put a strain on me being able to continue with my dog and then fast forward to when I was college age I ended up moving out because my mom‘s house was a toxic environment and nobody cleaned.
Last year my dog licked a hole in his foot from anxiety and it was so bad. It was blood always dripping. And we would bandage his giant wounded foot daily until eventually my mom made the overdue decision he needed a vet.
He had to get that foot amputated. He got his foot amputated in August 2025 fast forward to January 2026, my dog’s second back foot that was perfectly fine before now has the same problem that his other amputated foot had before it was amputated he has licked the hole through this foot.
My dog is now on three legs and his one back leg is missing half a paw. I’m not exaggerating at all, there is a giant swollen open wound in my dogs foot. As of now this would has been there and open for the last few months.
Now I know my dog is stressed licking because of his living environment, which includes a house that is for lack of better word dirty. My mom’s house was built in the 60s and it’s an older house. She’s in charge of taking care of it and upkeep herself. But my mom‘s house is nowhere near sanitary. My mom and sister. Keep my dog in this house by herself all day with an open wound on his foot. They leave the house all day because it’s not really fun to be there. They leave the dog here every day with 2 1/2 legs. I flat out told my sister what they’re doing is animal ause yet she wants to act like it’s not animal abuse to keep your dog in your dirty house all day with a giant hole in his foot that he licked. | So the dog isn't even that old. I would bring the dog to the humane society and tell them you found the dog limping outside. This is abuse and the dog is obviously in pain. I'm guessing he/she is allergic to something in the house, could be the filth. Licking is a common symptom of allergies. They could have at least tried antibiotics ointments or Benadryl, even an aspirin for pain here and there isn't going to kill the dog but may take some pain away. I think you should bring him to a no kill shelter. They will fix him up if it's possible. I hate to say it but even if they can't, they would at least put him out of his misery. |
AITAH For financially cutting off my cousin. | Don't get me wrong he's been through a lot in life and I've been trying to get him right but he dropped out of college And than wasted his settlement money of around 50-75K on a hellcat. I told him before he got the money to get a nice Honda or something reliable and than get an apartment .
It's his money so it is what it is but now he has no money for his insurance and is still stuck at his grandad's house. I told him financially I can't afford to support him anymore because it's true and he just wastes his money on drugs and designer clothes. He's younger so I understand but the only time he talks to me now is when it's about money .I've been trying to help him with finding a job or enlisting in the service but it's a work in progress. But as of now money wise I just don't see the point when he just wastes it or goes to parties etc .
He basically called me fake because I stopped sending him money when Ive been supporting him since his mother passed but it's like he's trying to guilt me into taking care of him when that's not my responsibility. I'll help when I can but In ways that don't directly require me to give money. | NTA. He can sell the hellcat. |
AITAH for being mad at my mother for not replacing underwear when she ruined some of mine? Or for struggling with my mental health? | I'm 26F and my mother is 61F. We are forced to live together and do not get along at all. She's very toxic and always acts like I'm the problem and she's always right. She forces Christianity on me when she knows I'm not a Christian and always tells me I'm going to hell or that she should have put me up for adoption.
Possible trigger warning? IDK. Hygiene issues are talked about as well as mental health issues and toxic parenting.
I struggle with severe depression and go long periods without showering. I have overactive bodily functions and heavy periods which keep me on the toilet most of the time. Therefore, I don't use my underwear as often as my mother does. She has no control over her bowels and often stains her underwear because of it (Like I do with my period). We live somewhere where you have to pay to do laundry and we're below poverty level and unemployed, getting very little money from financial aid. Because of this, we haven't been able to do laundry lately, much less catch up on the piles of it, and she ran out of her underwear. Since we wear the same size underwear, she started using mine without asking (Because she needed underwear and I wasn't using them). A good portion of my underwear were already stained with period blood and couldn't be replaced because we couldn't afford it. Now, because she was using mine, she has ruined some of mine with her bowel movement messes and they'll probably have poop stains by the time they're washed.
This month, she was able to buy herself a six pack of underwear and got them yesterday. At first, she was talking about getting me a six pack next month but has changed her mind. Now she tells me that since I don't wear my underwear as much because I'll sit bottomless on the toilet for extended periods, she's not buying me any. She acts desperate to save money, thinking I waste everything, and just thinks buying me new underwear would be a waste of money (Despite she's ruined more than one pair of MY underwear). Yet, she's more than willing to spend the money she would spend buying me underwear on other necessities that will be used more OR on movies (Yes movies) we both want. She also denied buying me a cheap necklace I wanted for my March birthday, thinking it would also be a waste since I don't frequently wear my necklaces. I'm absolutely mad that I can't have something cheap for my birthday or even underwear, especially after she ruined some of mine, but she's allowed to buy herself underwear and cheap jewelry, just not for me.
Back to what I was saying about my severe depression. I do the equivalent of bed rotting but not necessarily in a bed. I'm drained every day and don't have the energy or the motivation to do much beyond bare minimum. I can barely sleep and have to force myself to eat/drink. I have a hard time staying alive because I'm suicidal and personal hygiene is my biggest struggle. I can't brush my teeth because of too many cavities causing me pain. I can't have a regular showering schedule because I don't have the energy/motivation to take those showers. Showers, once I do get in to take them, drain my energy more than my energy is already drained. Because of this, I can go weeks or months without one. I try and explain my reasons for struggling with showers but she thinks I'm just being selfish and making excuses (She thinks my every reason for not doing something is an excuse) to make her suffer with how I smell. She's completely ignoring her own selfishness for buying herself things but not me (Especially underwear) and for shoving her religion down my throat with no care that I'm agnostic/atheist. My feelings, my mental health, my wants, and my needs beyond food and drink don't seem to matter much to her anymore. She only cares about how she feels, how things effect her, and her wants/needs. Oh, and she wouldn't be sad if I killed myself and thinks I'm going to hell no matter what when I die.
Am I the asshole? | [removed] |
AITAH For skipping church to study for an interview? | Hi, this is my first time posting on Reddit. I don’t post on here I only listen to stories on YouTube while getting ready so I’m not sure if I’m doing this right but need to know if I’m in the wrong. My (19F) fiancé (20M) got upset with me for skipping church to study for an interview. For some context I’ve been working at a fast food restaurant for a little over a year. It’s an easy job but coworkers don’t pull their weight and there’s not really any benefits. I’ve been looking for a new job for a while because of this. My finances mom works for the state and she helped me find a state job that has good benefits. I applied around thanksgiving but they’ve taken a while to get back to me due to the holidays and just received an email today that I got an interview with them that I scheduled for Thursday morning (it’s currently Tuesday night) so which means I have not much time to prepare for the interview. I am a very social awkward person and I often struggle communicating with people especially people in power, I get nervous and have a hard time thinking of what to say. Because of this I wanted to do some extra research about the job and how to interview in general as I have bombed a few interviews in the past and I’m really wanting to get this job so Im trying to do absolutely everything I could in power to make sure I have the best shot at getting this job. For the purpose of confidentiality I will not be saying what job is but it does not require any college experience which I do not have. My fiancé on the other hand is in school for a type of engineering (again will not be saying what time so I can keep this as confidential as I can). He has never struggled in school nor with talking to people and doesn’t really care about what people think about him/his appearance. He rarely ever gets anxious or emotional so it’s hard for him to understand what I’m feeling when I do. I always struggled in school and with relationships which is also why I did not go to college after highschool. Anyways. He just had an interview for an internship a few days ago and expressed to me that they had asked him a question he did not know that answer to, to prevent this from happening to me I wanted to make sure I did everything I could to be prepared for my interview. We go church 2 times a week every Sunday and Tuesday which I go to with him every week and have only missed a few times for mental health reasons. I had told him an hour before we were supposed to leave that I really would feel more comfortable with my interview if I stayed home and watched some videos, took some notes, and did my best to prepare for the interview because it takes me longer to learn/process things. He freaked out and said I have a whole night to prepare tomorrow and that I can just wait to do it then. I told him I really didn’t feel like that was enough time for me to prepare and would feel more comfortable staying home and working on the interview process. He told me that I don’t read my Bible enough or pray unless it’s over the food(yes I have a hard time reading my Bible sometimes but I pray for my day almost everyday). The amount of anxiety and stress I had been feeling about the interview and having to tell him I wanted to stay home from church caused me to cry. He then told me he didn’t understand why I was crying and that I needed to stop. I told him I was stressed out about it and this was the first job I had gotten an interview for since the summer and really didn’t want to mess it up. He got mad and told me again that I don’t read my Bible enough and that I only want him for every but his churchy side (which is not true and I reassure him of this often). Now I often struggle with losing my temper which this time I did not, I kept my cool and tried explain to him but he blew up. He went into the bathroom mumbling things and slammed the door. He then kicked my work shoes from infront of the door to the middle of the kitchen beofe leaving angrily for chruch. I felt so hurt and even though he might not have understood why I was crying he didn’t even try to or try to comfort me, instead he got upset and acted out. So AITAH for wanting to skip chruch to work on an interview? | NTA! he wants to show a united front in church, yet is fine being disrespectful to you in private… that doesn’t seem right at all. the kicking of your shoes was unnecessary, and he’s not practicing the word of God that he is so persistent to get you to go listen too. He’s the AH. |
AITAH Friends friend convinced for assault | One of my close friends ex boyfriend/friend was convicted of very serious assault charges. I can’t go into detail, but he will at least stay in prison for up to 10 years and it was to do with a minor.
She is absolutely adamant that he is being falsely accused by this minor despite being convicted. Because of the severity of the crime, I do not feel comfortable remaining friends with her if she chooses as she’s currently doing to stay in contact with this person who committed the crime.
AITA for saying, I will not be friends with her anymore | NTA. She’s in denial or she’s an enabler.
People that commit sex crimes against children need to be jettisoned off this planet into the cold dark of space. |
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