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AITAH for putting in a simple boundary with my (now ex) friend? | So,this happened a while ago but I thought I would share it on here because why not? (Plus this post might make it onto cam kirmans channel).btw, I'm not going to be saying irl names/ages due to privacy reasons.
So, me and my(now ex) friend, who we will call j,were in this GC with our other friends.One day, j had added a girl in the GC(who we will call glasses because I can). I am jealous of glasses,everything I like, shes better at, shes skinny, pretty, popular,kind yet somehow still herself, and I'm just a weird, ugly,nice fat kid.also,for some reason, glasses is always my replacement when my "friends" stop talking to me. Due to this, I left the gc. I only told 2 people why I left(my boyfriend and one of my closest friends). J ended up texting me asking why I left the gc,we went back and fourth a little before I finally said
"I'm not telling you why I left".
She then had the audacity to say
"Fuck you then" (except with a different, annoying spelling).i was obviously confused because why the hell would you say that to someone after they put in a simple boundary? She proceeded to keep saying "fuck you" (once again, annoying spelling of it) and told me to "shut up" when I defended myself and blocked me. This is not the first time she had blocked someone for a stupid reason,she once blocked another one of our friends because she couldn't play roblox at that moment, like what the fuck💔. This is going to be it for now but if y'all have questions/want proof, I'll edit/update this.
| You sound incredibly selfish.
Your friend can have other friends even if you don't like it.
You need to work on yourself so you don't feel this way about people like "glasses" (hint: coming up with shitty nicknames for other people like this is a sign you hate yourself, not them).
You need to improve you so you don't hate yourself. You also need to do this so you don't hate other random people because you hate yourself.
Fucking go to therapy and stop forcing your own self hate personal issues onto your friend group. You'll start to rel as the better to your friends if you do and your friendships will improve.
Oh, and YTA. |
AITAH for blocking my ex’s number? | I (18M) recently separated from my ex-girlfriend (17F). Our relationship started out strong in July 2025. However, as time went on, cracks developed when we would hang out in public or with her friends because we would have major disagreements with me. Ultimately, she made the decision to break up with me after I texted her trying to check in during November 2025. Of course, I was devastated by this, but I accepted it. Also, if I get too biased or descriptive in this post, I apologize.
For context, here’s a few of the altercations that have happened. I don't explicitly remember when this was, but first, after we finished watching a movie, we entered a Five Below. After wandering around the store for a bit, my ex fished for a bouncy ball in one of those barrels and tried to make it from afar. I tried warning her that she may hit something, but she then says to start being “more fun.” I was sort of offended by this, because I valued common sense in this situation, which never affected my level of fun. I brushed this comment off, though, thinking she may make it. That’s when she completely misses the barrel and knocks some products over. We were equally shocked, but in a good way; we were laughing regardless. My concern, though, was about getting kicked out of the store. Naturally, as funny as it was, I advised her to be more careful in the future. Then I see the smile slowly fade from her face, then it’s gone. Her arms then cross. She walks towards the exit, so I try to ask her what’s wrong, but she never replies, her arms remained crossed. She stayed distant until we rode in her family’s van to a restaurant, saying words to everyone except me.
The second disagreement was when I became her date for a dance in October 2025. The beginning of it was phenomenal, I danced hard to the music and reunited with a lot of familiar faces, which was a night to be alive. She was not dancing as much as I was and didn't talk much, so I went to check in on her every now and then and tried my absolute hardest to make her feel included, but she still stayed silent. Though the dance didn’t end until 10PM, we ended up leaving at 9PM because her shoes were uncomfortable; or at least, that’s what she told me. On the walk out, she told me to stop being so “cringe” and I teased her, because being “cringe” can’t stop me from having a good time.
The third disagreement happened later in the month during a scary attraction. It was full of a bunch of spooky props while volunteers tried to scare any people walking by in a series of labyrinths (haunted houses, cornfields, etc.) that made it hard to notice which direction you’re walking. (Some even had chainsaws!) I, myself, did not get intimidated by most of them, mildly uncomfortable at most because I saw their shadows a bit before they could jump out. However, my ex had a problem with it because she wanted me to show fun from a good scream, claiming her screams were not from fear, rather from excitement. I explained to her afterwards that the experience was fun and exhilarating for my body and I still had a lot of fun with her, but she still complained that I didn’t scream.
We had one final argument during a second prom in November 2025. She was extremely nervous and rarely talked to me during our entire stay there, even avoiding dancing altogether. I tried everything to make her feel at home, but she didn’t get any better, then she told me to give her some space. Without hesitation, I complied and gave her the distance she needed. Then I went to dance and talk to a few friends who I haven’t seen in a while; we really had great conversation. My ex and I ended up leaving early again; I don't really remember the reason why, but maybe it had to be with her stress.
After the breakup, I texted her a month later in December 2025 asking how she was doing, but I never received a response from her, which concerned me a lot, fearing she may have blocked my number. I texted her a second time this month saying that I was very concerned because she ghosted me, and I just wanted to make sure she was okay. I still cared about her even if we’re not together anymore. Today, I was sick of the ghosting and decided to block her number.
Again, AITA for pulling the plug? | NTAH. Blocking her after repeated silence sounds like you choosing emotional closure rather than continuing to sit in uncertainty. |
AITAH for going no contact | I’m 37, and my 51-year-old stepsister and I have a strained relationship. She believes I can’t take care of myself because of my disabilities (autism, ADHD, and mild anxiety). I feel like she treats me the same way she treats her son, who has Down syndrome, as if we are the same — which we are not.
She doesn’t think microwave cooking counts as real cooking. After my mom passed away, I had to move (long story). She didn’t want me to clean up my mother’s belongings and instead insisted on “helping” me, if you know what I mean.
She expects me to tell her every little thing I’m doing. When it looked like I might become homeless, she kept pushing me to move in with her, but only if I shared a room with my cousin. I refused. I would rather live in my car because I know she would try to make the arrangement permanent and push for a payee, believing I can’t manage on my own.
Other people keep telling me I should stay in contact and live with her because winters get cold and “she’s my sister,” even though she doesn’t know where I moved.
**AITA for cleaning up and choosing independence?**
**there is eveybody happy saice nobody can read anymore** | NTA - If she refuses to treat you as the adult you are, why have her in your life? The fact that you had to move and not tell her where to protect yourself speaks volumes about her, not you. I would go NC. |
AITAH for not attending my friends wedding because my husband wasn't invited? | I lived abroad for a year after I graduated university. While living abroad, I met Kylie. Kylie and I are originally from the same country and actually went to the same university but we didn't meet until we both moved abroad. We became good friends for the year that I lived abroad. I also became friends with her then boyfriend, Kyle.
I moved back to our home country and Kylie and Kyle moved to a different country. We kept in touch and we would get together when Kylie came home to visit her family. Kylie and Kyle met my husband during some of their trips home.
Kylie and Kyle got engaged and sent me a save the date. I messaged her and told her that I was excited for them and excited to see them at their wedding.
I received the invitation for their wedding and went to RSVP on their wedding website. It would only allow me to RSVP for one person, just myself. Initially, I thought it was just an oversight so I messaged her and asked if my husband was also invited. She said he wasn't because they were trying to keep the wedding small (about 100-200 people).
Their wedding was held in our home country. It was a three day wedding about a 12 hour drive from where I live. It's in a rural part of the country so there was no option to fly there. When I received the save the date, my husband and I had discussed taking a week off work to go to their wedding and explore that area of our country.
I decided I didn't want to drive all the way there and attend a three day wedding without my husband, so I RSVP no. I told Kyle that I was sorry and that I would have loved to have been able to go but that I wasn't able to make it work. I didn't tell her it was because my husband wasn't invited but I think she probably knows that's why I didn't go.
Now she is mad at me. So AITAH? | Anyone who invites someone to a wedding and not their spouse is not a good friend. I’m sorry it’s not like you just started dating..you’re married. When you get invited somewhere you are invited as “one” not one or the other. You have the choice later if one can’t go or doesn’t want to go but if anyone every invited me to a wedding and not my husband I would’ve been like seriously? That’s a no for me..I don’t care who you are. I hope later on SHE gets invited to a good friends wedding and not her husband. Only then she’ll realize how classless that was (and 100-200 people isn’t a small wedding btw lol) |
AITAH friendship over 6 years feels like it’s ending | I (25F) have been in a close friendship with two others (both 25F) for almost 6 years since the beginning of our college days. We have stuck through so many different variations of friends and always agreed with each other. However, recently, in the last 2 years one of them became super close with a new friend (25M). (For the sake of this story, she/the friend in question will be referred to as Friend B and the other as Friend A).
He had been a person I knew in high school. So 2 years ago, after reconnecting with him at a rave, I had invited him to the next one with my friends. Maybe this is where it all went wrong? Everyone thought he was super weird when he joined our group and did not like him at all. (No one liked him and thought I was the weird one for having him as a friend even Friend B) So, I agreed to not bring him again, and we moved on.
Fast forward to months later, one of our close friends ends up passing away which leaves a huge gap in our lives. Friend B was best friends with him since her high school days, so it obviously impacted her the most. For some reason, she decided to reach out to the guy from my HS for advice because he had experience in early loss of friends. Since then they have become the best of buds through trauma bonding. They go to everything together, hang out multiple times a week, and are continuing to grow close.
In the past year, he had rubbed me and Friend A the wrong way and he just isn't someone we want to be in our lives. He had pushed our boundaries, and when told to stop, he would just laugh and brush it off. We had expressed multiple times with Friend B about our problems with him, but she would get super offended and defend him excessively. She would just express how she wishes we saw him the way she did and that he also wishes we could all be friends. But, at this stage of our lives, Friend A and I are only set on building relationships with people who actually deserve it. We had tried hanging out with him multiple times, but every time it felt superficial and he kept pushing boundaries that were explicitly set.
As Friend B and him kept getting closer, we began feeling like she was drifting. She knew we didn't like him, so she wouldn’t mention what she was doing/who she was hanging out with when we would ask if she had plans. She would just say "oh I'm hanging out with some friends" and when asked with who, she would leave him out of the list. It just felt like she was hiding him as a guilty pleasure. (I also had both of their locations so we knew when she was hiding that she was hanging out with him) We would also confront her, but she would deny it at first saying she wasn't aware she was doing that, but then switch up later down the convo and make excuses. Overall, it just felt like she was avoiding us and started changing as she used to tell us everything.
I would say all three of us used to be on the same wavelength, but now it feels like we don't even find the same things funny anymore and our mindsets are not matching hers. In case we felt like it was just us/we were the problem, we had reached out to other friends who didn't really mind him, but they also agreed that she had changed and didn't really seem as friendly with them as she used to before becoming friends with him. Also, he would just rub all of our other friends the wrong way whenever he first met them. One time, he had coincidentally saw Friend A eating at a restaurant with her friends and the first thing he said to them was “who here doesn’t like Friend A?” as a joke and was just overly offensive. But that is just something weird to say especially when they are not friends. Her friends ended up flaming her for knowing that guy and were offended.
Anyways, it just feels like she enjoys his and his other friends' company rather than ours despite our past history and friendship. For example, at raves that we went to together, she would be texting them our meetup location and would just pretend that we saw them by chance and would make us join groups. The whole time it also felt like she was just spending all her time with him and his friends even though we went to the event together. And it just felt like she wasn’t satisfied with enjoying the rave with just us. This also happened many other events. When told, she would then say that she was treating us all equal as she viewed all friends equally and no one was over the other friend. She didn’t want to admit her bias and just deflected our feelings.
We understand that drifting is just something natural that can happen, but what made us upset was that she would deny and deflect when we would bring our problems up and then suddenly switch up. For a group that would always tell each other everything and talk/text everyday, this just felt weird.
A couple months ago, we had a girls NYC trip with us three and another girl. It felt awkward talking to her, like we didn't have commonalities anymore, so when we debriefed the trip we said it felt awkward/weird and different. For reference we had went to japan and korea a year before and that went a lot better even though it was an international trip. This time, she mostly kept to herself and slept when we were up and went out when we were sleeping. We get you need some solo recharge and we all made sure to give each other solo time, but we were only there for 3 days, and she kept to herself majority of the trip. When initially confronted, she said, “ I didn't see anything different/it felt normal like it usually was.” Yet, when the conversation began to drag, she would say that she actually did feel like it was off and so on. We were confused why she would just suddenly switch up and then she blamed us for it being that way. It just felt frustrating trying to work it out.
The conversation then became almost a weeklong back and forth of us bringing up everything we felt were problems, but to everything we said, she would say "I see what you’re saying but..." and deflect it. It didn't feel like she was actually valuing our feelings. We would say he did X wrong to us which was not okay, but she would defend why he would do X even though it obviously hurt our feelings. Furthermore, she resorted to using ChatGPT/AI when replying to us. It is a fact that she regularly uses ChatGPT to tell her life problems (she had told us she has a thread with it that she tells everything to). AND we know exactly how she texts, so the change in text was obvious. It was insulting that she just copied and pasted what ChatGPT said to try to resolve our problems rather than have it come straight from her. She didn’t even try to reword it. When confronted she just ignored it as well which was the icing on the cake.
We ended up resolving and agreeing to just be more open with us. But since then, it doesn’t feel like most changed. Honestly, the list goes on of things wrong and everyone in our lives we go to end up saying the same thing. Another friend even asked if it was worth it keeping each other in our lives. She is one of our day 1s, so she holds a soft spot in our heart and lives. Atp we just don't know what to do and have just been waiting for things to get better as no matter how many times we talk to her, nothing has changed. Even now we try to talk to her about it, but she seems like she is sick and tired of hearing it and wants us to stop calling it all out.
Some more context I feel is important to mention:
The guy is in a long term open relationship with a girl he has been with since high school. They have been with other people, but ultimately are with each other and are "dating." They had a falling out with another girl that the guy was FWB with as he had brought her in and she became best friends with his gf, but it got messy. In relation, it highkey feels like the guy wants Friend B as their replacement third as his gf is bi, and all three of them hang out frequently.
At raves, their behavior is also super sus:
- he is super clingy with Friend B even though he ravebaes his gf. Btw friend B HATES physical touch, but lets this guy hold her waist and such. She is more lenient at raves, but it’s weird cause she has never let any other close male friend do that.
- Another friend we know also mentioned seeing them at a rave, but didn't wanna say hi cause it looked like she was busy with "her bf" which was the guy.
- At one rave his gf even got mad at him cause they were supposed to see a set together, but Friend B wanted to see a different set and he wanted to go with her instead cause she didn’t want to be alone.
- He once said at a rave to her “I’ll be here for you until you find your fine shyt and when that happens, you might leave old [me] behind. but until then, i'll be here to show you the love and care you truly deserve, even if it’s just as your [buddy]"
Every time we mention that they are way too close to be friends, she says she never sees him that way cause he is gross and that if he ever crosses that line she is going to cut him out of her life, but honestly, she probably wouldnt. (she has cut a long list of other guys who did way less than this guy to her cause she often gets the ick.) Recently he had also changed his league of legends handle to match hers under the guise of wanting to pose as an "egirl." We just believe he has very sus behavior but don't know what to do to make her see it. Are we the AH for praying on the downfall of their friendship?
P.S. sorry for the long ass post LOL | Six years is a long time. If it feels over, it probably is. |
AITAH for expecting my bipolar bf to do his share around the house? | My boyfriend of 6 years, living together for nearly 3, has bipolar disorder experiencing depressive episodes and dips in his mood. I work from home so I spend more time than him at home, which along with my anxiety makes it crucial for me to have a clean home. Not spotless 24/7, just caring for basic things during the week and deeper cleaning once or twice a month. I don't expect 50/50 split as it fluctuates and it's less work when it's a team, 2 people working together. At the moment, most of this falls onto me as he does not prioritize cleanliness and orderliness as much and often doesn't feel like doing it. I try to be mindful of how his issues affects his abilities and motivations for chores and tasks but I have too much self-respect to take it upon my self as a woman to just do it all alone as we both live and make a mess in the house.
Thus, we continuously have fights and disagreements about things not being done or basic small things he was asked to do being left for days. I am often told I'm too intense about it and it's not important, to just live and enjoy life. Easy said when I'm the one doing the hard work and will feel the effects of the house being dirty or untidy as it makes me hyperfixate and anxious. He can't close a drawer or cupboard, nor put away something he uses once he's done with it. I ask him to do things in the house but it's like it needs to be asked every single time rather than learning a task which needs to be regularly done. It's often just dismissed as insignificant. Am I being anal af? Am I asking too much? Am I waiting for a change that's never going to happen?
Insight from those who are / have been in relationships with bipolar or depressed partners, mental disorders in general, I'm all ears. | Hi OP, is your live-in boyfriend compliant with his bipolar treatment? Is he medicated and in regular therapy?
Because he should be. He needs to be. And therapy would be a great place for you to bring this up or to ask him to bring it up for a professional's opinion of how he can address his work at home and not use his mental health as a crutch or excuse to shirk his relationship responsibilities.
In general, no, someone's bipolar or ADHD or spectrum disorder or other conditions are challenges for them to address, yes. But they should not be used as excuses for failing to be a good partner.
Let me put it this way, if his mental health issues are preventing him from meeting his relationship responsibilities in the home, sharing the housekeeping chores, then he is too disabled to be your boyfriend, and he is not relationship material. |
AITAh for cutting off my mother | AITAH for cutting contact with my mother? Sorry its so long. A little back story, my father died when I was 2 and I am now 25, so she was a single mother with three young childern. There's my older brother who we can call Josh and he is 28 and my younger brother who we can call Kevin, and my father and two other boys with two different women one who is 29 and we will call zack and the other who we will call ethan who died at 22. My now husband is not the bilogical father of our oldest daughter. Growing up there was always a new house and/or a new school and/or a new man. I went to 6 different schools and moved back and forth to two of those schools a couple times. I honestly dont even remember how many houses/apartments it was anymore. We was always very poor and on the verge of being homeless and sometimes we had to live with family, so she could find us a new place to live.
When I was in middle school I would see kids go tell teachers they was moving and we would make a big deal out of it, so I told a teacher I was probably going to be moving soon and of course she asked why and being a kid i told her exactly why which was we was poor. When my mother found out she wasn't happy about it, but we was getting food in a sack that they would stick in our lockers, which honestly had some of the best snacks in it. She typically stuck in her room or was trying to go out to see a guy or to a party. Around the same time of the school incident me and my younger brother kevin had to stay home because she was going to a party and she wanted Josh to drive her home, so we had our own party at home with just us and was dancing to cotton eye Joe which is still one of my favorite memories. Onto why I no longer speak with my mother though. I tried for a long time to get her to truly acknowledge what I do. I have maybe heard her tell me she is proud of me one time and if so I dont recall what it was even for.
When ethan died my mother called me and told me that he died and that i need to get to kevin and check on him. She never checked on me, hugged me, or anything. I made some light hearted joke that I dont even remember anymore and she looked at me and told me that its not about me. I was talking to her one day about my therapy and just told me that something I said happen to me didn't and a few seconds later said "oh yea". I stopped opening up and talking to her as much after that happen. When I was 18 I learned I was pregnant because I went to the doctor thinking I had the flu and when the doctor came back with a postive pregnancy test I just started crying and the doctor was telling the baby is a little peanut and I have so many options and before she could finish my mother told the doctor that we dont do any of that. Even if I was given an actual choice I still would have kept my baby but its the fact that she was refusing to give me any choice. If I would have made any other choice it would have been adoption. One of the nurses there was looking to adopt a baby. Now I have a beautiful 6 year old little girl.
I stopped communicating with my mother just before my daughter turned 4 because anytime I would get onto my daughter she got onto me in front of her or would go to her room and slam the door if we was at her house, and yes I have talked to her and we was always butting heads. My mother and her boyfriend let her drink anything or eat anything she wanted no matter the time or place, and yes if she is with the for the weekend its fine to an extent but I didn't want her drinking mtn.dew and eating so many different candies all weekend, but they did that anytime and anywhere. They also let her scream from the top of her lungs at them, and anytime I said anything or said I dont want this person around her they didn't care. My mother would always use something I did or said when I was little against me.
I lived next to them for about 2 years, and when I finally had enough and moved she lost it and wanted me to let my 3 year old stay with her to finish off the school year and of course I said no, she tried to use the fact that I lived with my grandma at 13 so I didn't have to move schools again, against me. Before we moved my now husband became very close to my brother zach and when we moved they was still very close and would always go out fishing for hours. We also had our son right before we moved. Zach eventually started to hear rumors that my husband was abusive, a narcissist, and anything else she wanted to just throw in there and after we moved we didn't see him and his family anymore due to us moving 2hrs away, so he thought it could be true. I heard a not so pleasant phone call between them and the next day CPS was called, so I am crying and confused as to who would do this to us since none of it was true.
The person that called said that he was smoking weed in front of our daughter, and was threatening to kill people, and something else I dont remember. The only truth in that was my husband saying he was going to kill my mom, but before anyone panics it was not in a literal way, he was frustrated, but also our daughter was in her room and we was in the living room. I asked my daughter if she had talked to anyone about and she said no, but I knew we had said something to Zach about it so from there on I stopped talking to him. A few months later I cut all ties with my mother because no amount of talking helped and then I find out I am pregnant with my beautiful little girl. Fast forward a lot to a week before I have her and I reach out yo my mom and tell her I want to meet up and talk, basically she denys everything that everyone said about her talking bad about my husband and that she would try to be there when I have the baby. She later texts me and says she will be to uncomfortable with the other people there and she wants to have someone like her boyfriend or kevin there. I told her no but I dont care who brings her to the hospital but I only want her there.
Oh yea after our meet up I gave her a letter that I had wrote just incase I forgot something. I ask her to send me a picture of the letter because I was talking to my husband but couldn't remember what I said and this was 2 days before I had the baby, and I didn't hear anything from her, and she didn't show up to the hospital or call, or even send a text. When I was actively pushing out my daughter I learned that she was the one who called CPS so I looked and my husband and told him to block her now and he refused due to what is going on at the moment and said if I still want to later that I can, and I did. I said nothing to her about why I just blocked her. Fast forward to 7 months later and it is the holidays and since I was not going to make I made a special trip before hand to see everyone. About a week prior my Nana which is my mother's mom had been in a really bad wreck and she was home so I went to her house to see her and everyone else coming in for the holidays.
Side not my mother told me when we met up that she has drove past my house in a different vehicle and she saw us leaving. Anyways after a few hours my mother showed up and my oldest who is 6 now didn't want to come in because Nana had a lot of scars and it scared her. When my mother got there she came in for maybe a minute and then went outside with my daughter and they walked to the shed because of how cold it was according to family my mother walked out to smoke and my daughter followed her and they got in her car, and I was still inside and seen headlights turn on so I went outside and seen my daughter in the passenger seat playing games on my mother's phone.
I opened the door and my daughter said pawpaw (mothers boyfriend) is coming, and then my mother asked why I am not talking to her so I told my daughter to go inside and when she made it to the front porch she asked again and my aunt, her three daughters, and my daughter was at the front porch and it maybe 25ft away, so I told her I know she called cps and she denied it so I closed her door and walked away. Everyone that was outside said she was crying and not long after I made it inside he showed up and they left. Like I said I live 2hrs away and half way through my drive I had to pull over because it was hard to breathe, and I couldn't feel or move my hands and feet, I get help and have been suffering from sever anxiety and panic attacks ever since and now anytime I try to leave the house its a struggle. AITAH for cutting off my mother? | Well your mental health has deteriorated drastically since your last attempt at reconciliation I would imagine no you’re not the AH for cutting her off. |
AITAH for asking my boyfriend to block his friend of 3 years. | My (17f) boyfriend (18m) has an online female friend let’s call her M (21) of 3 years.
Him and I have been dating for 5 months along with off and on at the beginning of 2025. Ive known this friend exists basically since we met, and it hasn’t been an issue. She and him usually chat it up once every 3-4 months to just catch up on life. Which is 100% fine. What is bothering me is the fact she started texting VERY often after he turned 18 recently.
She started texting him daily for hours off and on about her relationship. And he would do the same back. Discussing his mental state and how he has been struggling to grow while in our relationship due to his mental state. We have talked about this and he is doing much better now! What bothers me is how OFTEN they text, and the fact another woman is giving my boyfriend relationship advice. Specifically telling him “you should break up if it’s hurting you this much”. Which I would understand her saying but it doesn’t quite sit right with me.
He also was sending her 30 MINUTE VOICE MESSAGES venting. To which she replied “I like your long vms 👍 ok lololol”
There was one time in specific my boyfriend and I were on the phone while he was having a rough time and he wasn’t talking to me. I asked him what he was doing and he said “sorry you won’t like this but I was texting M”. Which took me aback because we were supposed to be having a serious conversation together. While he was distracted asking HER for advice?
He also refuses to give me his login info when he has all of mine. He says “I just don’t give out my login info, but I can show you everything or screen-share I’m sorry I promise im not hiding anything.” Everything in me wants to believe him, but it feels weird.
I don’t want to have to ask him to show me everytime i am worried, it feels like it would break trust. Or make him feel like I don’t trust him, when mainly I’m worried she has some sort of emotional attachment to my boyfriend.
About two weeks ago he randomly told me “I blocked M because I felt she was being weird. Not in a romantic way, more of as a rebound friend.” Whatever that means… but I felt kind of relieved? Unfortunately shortly after he said he felt horrible for blocking his friend of 3 years even though she technically didn’t do anything to make him think that (His words). So I said I didn’t want to be controlling and would feel more comfortable with her unadded but would understand if he stays friends with her. After this he blocked her one time to not make me uncomfortable but ended up adding her back again with me saying basically the same thing.
Come to now, he broke up with me over his mental health a few weeks ago but we quickly worked it out and are doing much better now. When he got everything solved with me he blocked her. I noticed a few days ago that he had her on Instagram still and it really scared me. When I asked him he said it was just an accident and he had forgot to remove her there since he blocked her on discord. I thought he had removed her and js moved on. Today I notice he still hadn’t removed her on Instagram and I mention it again! He said “it just sucks rhat I have to cut her off fully I guess. But I will because I don’t want you to be uncomfortable” I feel like I’m doing something wrong or being controlling but I also feel like my feelings make sense? Im not sure what to do or feel but I js need some opinions. | >He also refuses to give me his login info when he has all of mine.
So he wants control of your info but won't fairly reciprocate. He blocks her to shut you up from complaining then unblocks her. He's already broken up with you once.
Why are you still with this jerk? You're 17- you are *way* too young to be with someone who is controlling and invites drama into your life like this.
NTA to him but YTA to yourself if you don't dump him. |
AITAH for flipping out over weed smell when my friend stopped by | I am friends platonically with my ex, we've known each other for like 20yrs and we're kinda trauma bonded, but we don't spend a lotta time together, but when we do, a fight always breaks out no matter how hard I try to avoid it. He just stopped by my apt for a quick visit, we're talking like 15 mins tops... While he's here he says he needs to go outside for a quick weed break; I share a building and a wall (and air space) with a salon that is actively in business, when I first moved in I got in a little trouble for my weed stinking up the salon (even tho I was smoking outside), my friend knows this... I ask him to step all the way outside, on my side of the building, far from the salon and our shared door. What does he do, he steps right outside our shared door and hits his pipe, then comes right back inside, reeking, it's windy out, I know the smell followed him in and the people at the salon (my landlord) can smell it. Am I wrong for being so upset with him? He thinks I'm overreacting. I'm embarrassed and praying my landlord doesn't flip out on me. | >He thinks I'm overreacting.
Sure, because to him it's not a big deal, but if it's not a big deal then why can't he just walk a little further and save you the worry? NTA. |
AITAH /WWYD if you had to disinvite your friend’s ex, an acquaintance, from a trip coming up in 2 days. | I (24 F) am supposed to go on a skiing trip with my friend (26 F), her boyfriend (? M), and my husband (25 M). My friend and I planned this trip over a month and a half. Obvi being girls we did more of the planning then the men, what food were eating for meals, what time we’re headed in separate vehicles to the mountain, what rooms we were staying in in our shared cabin for the weekend, etc. This would not be our first “double date” setting as a group as we went to a music festival last year. This was our first time meeting my friend’s boyfriend. It was great time however a little foreshadow was that, they had gotten into an argument one night and both emotionally shutdown leaving me and my husband clueless. My husband and I continued to vibe and try to enjoy our night however the tension between them did make the end of the night awkward. Months later my friend who normally tells me all her drama finally confessed what the fight was about. Long story short him being insecure thinking he saw her cheat in front of him at the concert, I can detest she did not in-fact cheat he blew a small glimpse completely out of proportion. Flash forward back to this trip coming up. We are 3 days out and they just broke up. I am always a supportive friend I will support her pursuing anything career, relationships, goals she names the side I’m on, I support. Same goes for being against do we like x person, do we like this outfit, etc. I feel her out all the time and play to the narrative she leans toward. This break up I am kind of for supporting her leaving this relationship without her telling me. She said they both still plan on coming on this trip “and doing their own thing.” This is raising a huge red flag and concern for me. I’m very limited on time off and want to enjoy myself. While they may be doing their “own thing” at the end of the night we’re all still in the same cabin, them in the same bedroom. When they argue they are like fire and ice. She does not like his drinking, he does not like her “dictating his drinking”, when he over drinks. They also plan on still riding in the same vehicle to the resort. My husband and I will be going up later as I have to work before we can leave. I am worried of some scenarios, drama because she’s flirting with someone else in front of him, him getting too drunk and causing a ruckus or being belligerent because he is not a part of our group activities in the shared living area, lastly he leaves her on the mountain alone. I also know this guys temper can be belittling to my friend something my husband will not stand for. I also know this gentleman gets drunk to the point of causing a ruckus another thing my husband will not settle for. I really fear my husband confronting this ex and an argument spiraling into a huge altercation. When telling my sister (23F) about this she gave me the advice to ask my friend how she feels about him coming with. Once she explains herself lay out my concerns and reservations and clearly state my husband and I will not be tolerant of verbal nor physical arguments on this trip. Anyone acting out will have the cops called on them. I personally really do not desire to run the risk of drama as we are only acquaintances with this ex and know his track record of being belittling and absurd when intoxicated. Neither my friend nor her ex have paid me for the lodge therefore I do feel like I have an upper hand and can veto his joining us but I do not want to make my friends living situation nor trip feel ruined if he gets disgruntled due to being disinvited. Would it make me an asshole to force my hand? What would you do? | 1. NAH - shit happens. It's better that they broke up now, than break up during the trip.
2. WWID?: He is automatically uninvited. It should go without saying.
While he might think otherwise, this is how it now pans out:
* if all 4 go, there will be, at best, that uncomfortable awkwardness you described; at worst, they will fight. Even worse, they get back together, then break up again. That would be *the* worst. Therefore he cannot go.
* If she won't go because he isn't going, then she doesn't go. If you set the table for drama, stupid, and fighting, you're guests will be Drama, Stupid, and Fighting. This poor decision would be *all on you*, because you should know better.
* If this makes the entire party upset, then perhaps no one is going. For all of the plans the girls made, which were more than the men, no one planned for a break up right before the trip. If you follow this pattern and fail to plan for post-breakup-drama version of the trip, then I am sorry to tell you but you *plan for failure.*
Admonishment: You aren't the gf. You are not the bf. You didn't breakup with her. You didn't go qq at the festival. You are not responsible for any of this, any of what has happened. But you are responsible for what happens next, solely because you know exactly where you all are on this, and you know what is likely to happen.
Wait... I mean, if it were **me**, then **I** know where everyone stands on this, and **I** know what is likely to happen. Furthermore **I** would mandate that my gf-friend make no concession to contact him while we are on the trip. If the require an explanation I would simply direct them to watch an episode of any television series where this exact thing happens.
Notable TV Episodes
* The Office: "Business Trip" (Season 5, Episode 8)
* Seinfeld: "The Phone Message" (Season 2, Episode 4)
* Friends: "The One with the Ski Trip" (Season 3, Episode 17)
* How I Met Your Mother: "The Drunk Train" (Season 7, Episode 16)
* New Girl (2011)
* "Bachelor/Bachelorette Party" (Season 5, Episodes 17 & 18)
* "Cabin" (Season 2, Episode 12)
* Brooklyn Nine-Nine (2013)
* "The Road Trip" (Season 2, Episode 9)
* "Honeymoon" (Season 6, Episode 1)
* Schitt's Creek: "The Hike" (Season 5, Episode 13)
* The Big Bang Theory: "The Vacation Solution" (Season 5, Episode 16)
* Modern Family: "Lake Life" (Season 9, Episode 1)
* The Good Place: "The Trolley Problem" (Season 2, Episode 5)
* Superstore: "All-Nighter" (Season 1, Episode 9)
She can take her pick, or watch them all, but he isn't going and she isn't to contact him during the trip; else I would rather go it alone with my husband. |
AITAH for feeling abandoned by everyone? | I (early 30s, F) separated from my husband about a year ago. We’re legally divorcing, but the part that’s been quietly destroying me is the religious side of it. We’re Muslim, and an Islamic divorce actually matters if you want to move forward. I asked his lawyers if he will participate in the process.
That was four months ago.
Since then, his lawyer hasn’t responded once. Mine has followed up multiple times. Nothing. Total silence.
I keep telling myself this is normal. Divorce is slow. Lawyers suck. People avoid uncomfortable things. But the longer it goes on, the more it feels like my life is just… paused there.
This silence is hitting a nerve because it mirrors behaviour he showed in the marriage.
Our marriage wasn’t “obviously” abusive. That’s part of why I still don’t know what to call it. He never hit me - he shoved me. He didn’t yell - he yelled, cussed and told me to kill myself. He was calm, reasonable, the kind of guy everyone would describe as a good person, to everyone but me.
There are things he said that never left me, that will never leave me.
He once called my brother “ISIS” during an argument. Not joking. My family is Muslim. That word carries weight. He’d casually call my sister “crazy,” even though he barely knew her. When I was later diagnosed with a mental health condition, it slowly became the explanation for everything. If I was hurt, I was “spiraling.” If I pushed back, I was “unwell.” I started doubting my own reactions.
Then, while we were still married, I was sexually assaulted by his friend. That shattered me. He blamed me for it. I went into survival mode… therapy, meds, just trying to feel safe again. Instead of feeling supported, I felt observed. Like my pain was something to take advantage of, not take care of.
We separated not long after he looked me in the eye and told me the assault was my fault, that I enticed his friend.
I don’t know if he’s a good guy who didn’t know how to show up, or if this is what harm looks like when it’s quiet and polite and deniable - the poster child for good guy abuser.
And while all of that was happening, I lost someone else too.
My best friend of over 20 years got married recently. I wasn’t invited.
The reason given traces back to an incident in 2024 — during one of my worst mental health episodes after the assault. It didn’t involve her directly. It involved some of her friends. At that time, I blocked everyone and took space because I genuinely couldn’t function. South asian culture and divorce don’t go hand in hand.
That distance apparently became permanent.
She moved on. Wedding. Life. I found out from social media.
And I just sat there thinking: did I really deserve to lose a 20-year friendship because I was drowning?
This is where I start to feel ashamed even writing this. I have BPD, PTSD, anxiety, and chronic stress. I’m in treatment. I’m trying. But it feels like people treat these things as personality flaws instead of actual illnesses. Like once you’re “too much,” you’re quietly removed.
Between my ex’s silence, the religious divorce dragging on, I feel like everyone has decided I’m easier to forget than to deal with.
And then I start asking myself the worst questions:
Am I expecting too much?
Do I even deserve space in people’s lives after I pulled away?
Is this all just consequences, and I’m refusing to accept them?
I don’t want to be the victim of every story. I just don’t know where to put this much hurt.
So I guess I’m asking:
AITA for feeling abandoned and still believing I deserve care, closure? Also, how can I have my ex just respectfully provide me the religious divorce? Has anyone been in this situation before? I’m so clueless. | I’m sorry this happened to you. You’re not the AH. Make sure you keep yourself safe and do what you need to do to keep yourself healthy. |
AITAH for basically calling my mother's husband an idiot | I (f 21) was on FaceTime with my mom, while she and her husband (aka H) were getting ready for bed. H began pretending like he had left my dog outside in the cold, as soon as he started joking about it, I opened find my on my MacBook cause I have an Airtag on my dog. He kept saying how he can't find her and how she might be outside. I then said, "I have her location; she's clearly inside." He then said genuinely, "Wow, you're really smart!" Then I said, " Am I smart or are you just average?" Like he's known for years that I can track her. For context, I don't like him whatsoever; he's a cheater, emotional abuser, and complete creep, especially for young girls. | Nah, NTA. Some people just have dull minds and an even duller sense of humor. That joke would have only been funny *to him* if you had a big reaction like “oh my gosh! My poor dog!” Which, quite frankly, isn’t even funny. He has rocks for brains. |
WIBTAH if I evicted my roommate who has kids and no income? | First time using Reddit, so I apologize if this isn’t all formatted correctly.
I (37f) have a roommate/tenant (35f) who moved in with her three children about 6 months ago. We were in a relationship, but broke up due to us both having trauma and constantly triggering each other. We had a prior agreement that if the relationship didn’t work out we would continue living together and coparent our children(10f, 10f, 10m, 13nb, and 15m).
For some context, she used to date my ex husband for about 5 years and our children have grown up as siblings. Her children call me mom and vice versa.
Now here is the problem. We do not have a lease, but had a verbal agreement on how we would coexist. The biggest things were continuing to coparent amicably and her agreeing to not drink in the house. She recently realized she’s an alcoholic, which was the catalyst for the rule on drinking.
She has broken the no drinking rule on multiple occasions and when that happens she completely isolates and stops caring for the children. I haven’t taken this well and have gotten angry/called out her actions, which in turn has made her isolate more and as of this morning she told me to stop parenting her children.
I’ve been advised by friends and family to evict her from my home. I am strongly considering this option due to the mental strain the situation is causing. Where I’m worried I may be the ah, is that she isn’t in a place to live on her own. She’s autistic and has pretty severe PTSD, which have prevented her holding down a job. She has no vehicle, no savings, no family, etc. Additionally, this would mean putting her kids into a worse situation and emotionally damaging all 5 kiddos.
So Reddit, WIBTA if I evicted my roommate and subsequently her three children? | So your roommate, who you used to date....who also dated your ex-husband for 5 years.....who also has kids that have grown up with your kids....who also is an alcoholic....who also is autistic...who also has PTSD.....who you're also considering evicting. You're just going for the reddit bingo, aren't you. |
AITAH for being mad at my boyfriend about this | Quick backstory, my boyfriend and I are in our early 20s, we live together at my parents momentarily and have been in a relationship for almost 2 years. Some months back he mentioned he was talking to one of his old friends from years ago, we’ll call him Mark. I remember my boyfriend telling me in the past about his friend mark who was his ex gf’s best friend and that mark was a weirdo who used to hit on his ex girlfriend etc… might i add, we had been together at this point for over a year already and he never once was in communications with mark, he would only ever talk badly about him every now and then. So I asked him if this was the same mark and he said yes. From that moment it kinda rubbed me the wrong way because I was so used to hearing bad things about this guy and was confused on why my boyfriend was back in contact with him, but I tried shrugging it off. Their communication didn’t last long because I voiced to him that it bothered me and he respected my feelings and we moved on.
Then some months later I find out again he’s in communications with mark, this time I told my sister in law who was shocked that my bf was talking to mark again because no one in their family liked him because apparently he was a delinquent who almost got my boyfriend in legal trouble multiple times. Knowing this made me feel validated because I always had a feeling he was a weirdo but I never had any proof. I ended up doing some digging and finding out he’s been arrested for DV on an ex girlfriend and is on a 10 year probation …. Finding that out solidified that I really did not want my boyfriend hanging around this guy or talking to him.
Anyways, fast forward to now, unfortunately my boyfriend lost both of his jobs within a week from one another and he reached out to mark to see if he can help him get a job. When he originally told me he got a new job, he said it was with a friend of his I didn’t know, but I had a gut feeling it was with mark. I ended up telling him I knew it was with mark and he admitted to me that it was, after he had lied, which already in itself pissed me off.
Now him and mark are texting and calling each other again all day and it just rubs me the wrong way, one, because my boyfriend knows how I feel about him and still continues to keep in touch with this guy. And two, knowing what I know about mark, I really would rather my boyfriend not be around him but he doesn’t see it that way. I know he is in need of a job and he’s excusing his communications with him as trying to find work, but I can’t shake the feeling I just have such a bad taste in my mouth about this guy and I hate that my boyfriend even talks to him, let alone is now going to work with him..
Am I the asshole for being mad at my boyfriend about this situation ? | NTA..you’re allowed to feel uncomfortable and set boundaries, especially given Mark’s history and your gut instincts, and your boyfriend should respect that |
AITAH for the way I act around a friend? |
English isn’t my first language, and this is my first time posting.
I (18F) have a friend, Tom (20M). We met this summer at parties through the same friend group and started hanging out over time. Tom lives in another city, so we don’t see each other often, and when we do, there are usually other people around.
A few days ago, I turned 18. My birthday party was big, with over 100 people and I was really nervous and stressed about it. Shortly before my birthday, Tom and I started texting. He helped me work through some negative thoughts that I couldn’t really share with my best friends, Maya and Mia (both 18F), because they aren’t great at emotional support. Tom and I ended up texting every day, and our conversations just kept going.
A few days ago, Maya, a friend I’ve known for 10 years, said it seemed like I might have something with Tom, and that if something happened, I wouldn’t tell her or Mia.
I was shocked and confused, because I usually share everything with them. I asked her why she thought that, and she said that there’s “something” between us, that we text too much, and that Tom tells me things first. Over the next few days, her comments continued from saying we would make a cute couple, to talking about “chemistry in the air” between us, and comparing us to “two kids in love.” At one point, Mia agreed with her.
I asked if I acted differently around him or did anything unusual, and they said no, but they still insisted that “something is there.”
The thing is, Tom has a girlfriend, Gina, who he’s been with for two years. His Instagram profile picture is with her, he has lots of photos with her, and they spent New Year’s together. Gina and I know each other from the same friend group, and she even wished me a happy birthday.
Honestly, neither Tom nor I act differently toward each other than we do with other friends. Nothing romantic is happening between us, we just have normal conversations. Tom likes talking to everyone and hugs people a lot, and I enjoy joking around and socializing. I’m not the type of person who can fall for someone who has a partner, and everyone knows that, and my behavior show that...
Their comments made me start questioning myself, are we crossing a line in our friendship, and why they think that there is something?
So, I need a neutral perspective, are Tom and I doing anything wrong?
| First a best friend is someone who would rely on when things get hard so how they are your bsf and can't offer mental support?
Second..he has a gf and yet your friends try to couple u together and you're fine w that? What they're doing is absolutely inppropriate .... I assume as someone who has some self respect should've said something to stop it.
Third friendship w taken men should have limits you can't basically talk to him all day and Im not shaming u only btw what he's doing is wrong as well
Im feeling sorry for gina ngl cuz you're both assholes |
AITAH for using my fiancé’s card to buy a purse out of spite? | Ok I know that title sounds insane but hear me out. I (23F) have been with my fiance (24M) for a while. About a month ago on December 12 I got a “hey girly” text, if you know what I mean. He was messaging another girl fantasizing about getting her pregnant, etc etc (in the end he blamed it on a porn addiction/breeding kink) and there were also multiple other girls as well. I decided to stay to give him another chance because I thought it really was just an addiction. Both of our families know what happened and we cancelled the wedding due to this. Over the past month he has been seeing a therapist, and I thought he was doing better, but obviously I still have trust issues, why wouldn’t I? So last night (Jan 13) he got a Snapchat from a friend of his while he was in the shower, and I told him about it, so I opened the snap when he got out of the shower and took a funny photo to respond. We have always had an open phone policy, as I had nothing to hide but lol he apparently did. After it sent, I pressed on the search feature in Snapchat and it showed up with 6 different girls as recents. I asked him why they were there and he said “oh I just must have missed those ones when I was going through deleting people”. But here’s the thing: those girls weren’t on his recents a week prior, and he supposedly went through all his social media and shit on Dec 15th and “deleted” everyone. So I asked him if he has been messaging again and of course he swore up and down that he hadn’t, which obviously was a lie. I let it be and we both went to sleep. Except I was still awake, but when I knew he was asleep I went out into the kitchen and got on his computer and looked through all his Insta, Facebook, and got to WhatsApp. He had been messaging a girl on Jan 13th, I saw nudes of her and the same bs he was texting about the pregnancy stuff. So I texted the girl from his account and basically introduced myself, and went to sleep. This morning he finds out and sees the message I sent her, and is apologizing profusely, blah blah blah same BS he said a month ago when everything blew up. So I kind of just ignored him and went along my morning, showering and getting ready to go shopping with my friend. I’ve been wanting this purse from coach for a while, and he said I couldn’t get it because it was overpriced. So I decided to take his card, and I bought the bag with it while out shopping today. I get home, we talk about stuff, he still doesn’t know I used his card. We fight, I say okay, and he’s about to leave to go ref hockey. So we like “straightened things out” and I was logging onto Fortnite and said “thanks for the new bag by the way” and he was like “WHAT” and I just shrugged and he was like “NO YOU DONT GET TO DO THAT WHAT THE FUCK” and I said “well” and then he just grabbed his hockey bag and stormed out of the house saying “I thought we made some fucking progress but I guess not” and I said “ I thought the same thing” and then he was gone to his hockey games. I know in hindsight it was the wrong thing to do, but I was so angry. He got the gratification he wanted by texting someone else, so why can’t I have something I wanted? Also to preface, he makes SIGNIFICANTLY more money than I do and is very well off and financially stable. Am I in the wrong? I mean basically yeah I am but would you have done something similar or am I a crazy person?
EDIT: I AM AN AUTHORIZED USER ON THE CARD! BUT I DIDNT ASK PERMISSION TO TAKE THE CARD!!! THATS WHAT I MEANT BY TOOK HIS CARD BECAUSE HE CONTROLS IT PRIMARILY AND IM NOT SUPPOSED TO TOUCH IT EXCEPT FOR EMERGENCY I APOLOGIZE FOR NOT BEING CLEAR!! | YTA. Grow some self-respect and break up with him.
committing credit card theft as an act of revenge isn't it, lady.
Now he has the power to have you charged. if the bag was really expensive, it could be a felony. I get what you were going for but this was total dumbassery lol |
AITAH for not warning my cousin she’s dating my brother | To be clear, my brother is not related to my cousin. My dad is a long distance trucker and a manhoe. As far as we know there are 8 of us with 6 mothers. But we all believe there are others we don’t know about, can’t ask Dad apparently it’s “none of our business”
Some of us are closer than others the “legitimate” kids (ex wife 1 and 2) are really close and my oldest sister is the one who got us together and makes us family. We have a groupchat.
My cousin and I were close. We grew up together, her parents watched me when my mom was in school and she tutored me when I was struggling in math. She’s only a year younger than me and we’ve been like sisters most of our lives. But when I chose to go to a college a few states away we stopped talking as much and when she went to a college on the other side of the country, we pretty much only talk at family gatherings now.
I hurt my leg before Thanksgiving this year and decided not to go, but I heard from my mom that my cousin was going to bring a new boyfriend to Christmas. I meant to text her, bullly her a bit about not sending pictures or texting me. But obviously Christmas is a busy time for any college student and I got caught up in studying and buying gifts and wrapping.
So Christmas comes and I get settled and my cousin comes in with her new boyfriend and eventually we end up in the same room and I hear obnoxious maniacal laughter because my brother saw me before I saw him and he thinks this whole thing is hilarious.
My brother and I are not close. I think he’s 3 years younger than me and he’s a little online game addicted crypto gremlin who went through a podcast bro phase as a teenager. He’s over that now, but it did put me off hanging out with him.
My cousin was a little embarrassed but she seemed fine over all. But a few days later she texted me very upset. And now my mom and aunt are angry at me, saying I should have warned her and she’s been calling them in absolute tears over it. And I think I might be an asshole because I did know which school they both went to, but I never registered that it was the same school and after looking it up, the campus is so small and the school only has a few thousand students.
I mean, it’s not like my dad is her uncle. He’s just a guy my mom went on a couple dates with. Even my friends can’t agree on if I’m asshole or not. | NTA
You didn't know. |
AITAH for telling my father to piss off? | I will keep it short. My father and I never saw eye to eye. My old man never respected what I had to say. It's always a mistake to speak my mind to him.
One of those things was asking money for my needs. I used to ask him for money for my needs like asking for my medical needs or educational needs. He always did what he believed that I needed not what I believed that I needed.
At some point, I decided that all my requests can go to hell so I started to work and make money. My parents including my father were pleased with this life improvement.
Yesterday, my father told me that I didn't need those courses about language and mathematics that were to my liking. I get upset then told him that I didn't care about what he thought that I needed. We started to get into a heated argument.
The argument got more heated and heated then I told him to piss off and other words that someone shouldn't say to their father that I rather not mention here.
Did I take it too far? | How old are you? |
AITAH for Changing Schools & Leaving my Best Friend? | *Alt account because of penpals and the east coast-- not a long story but irrelevant.
**I just saw a tag for SH, so adding a quick disclaimer here for a mention of self harm. Nothing gory.
Background:
I'm a junior in highschool (16m) and about a week ago I called it quits. I've never been much of a student, to be honest.
I am easily distracted, cannot concentrate to save my life, and am constantly overwhelmed by noises and light. I am (apparently) diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I have also struggled with self harm for about four years. This plus the gigantic cesspool of teenagers that is my high school-- it's not a good combination.
A SH relapse 2~ weeks ago actually wound up putting into perspective how much the environment at school has been impacting me. It's a lot, by the way. I've been struggling, mentally, for all of highschool, but I am officially at the end of my rope. I am spectacularly burnt out.
My mom suggested alternative school, and after a bit of digging I've decided that agree. I am fortunate enough to live in a city with nicer alternative programs.
The Pickle:
I have a best friend, I'll call him Michael. We met freshman year and have been joined at the hip ever since. Michael's a very emotional person, more than I am, anyways. He is anxious and extroverted and does not like change.
I told him over text about my decision to move to an alternative school. I thought this would be okay, because we'd just had a conversation earlier that week about how texting helps us to better articulate our thoughts. I wanted to be clear because this is a big deal to us. Stakes for highschoolers are very low, you know.
I understand that sharing important news is meant to be done in person, but I don't think I would be able to get the words out, if i had done this face to face. Still, he was upset with me over this. I recognize that this is a social no-no. My bad.
Also: he was high when I sent the message. I mention it only because I think it made things worse. Michael agrees.
Because I have opened Pandora's box. He has been having regular panic attacks since I told him. When we message about my leaving he gets them, too. I could not keep up with my coursework and now my best friend is falling apart. My issues have suddenly brcome his problem. That feels dickish.
I value our friendship, and I will miss him a lot. But he is taking this much worse than I am and it feels unfair to Michael. He's been sending these gigantic walls of text ever since about how much he needs me and how I'm how he survives school-- how I'm the only one who gets him and that I'm his rock and a million other things.
He's upset with me because I didn't give him enough notice. He's also upset because I didn't provide timelines. *I* was not provided timelines and my estimate of .5-3 months was unsatisfactory.
I am trying to be as transparent and open as I can but it feels like I'm emptying rounds into his foot and just watching him scream. This is hurting him so much.
I am in a position, right now, where I have to choose between my own wellbeing and someone else's. I picked myself. I picked myself and now my best friend cannot breathe. Am I the asshole?
Thanks for reading.
Also also: I'm not an r/AITAH-er, so forgive me if I've over/undershot the wordcount. | NTA, and if you have no concentrational ability, are problematically sensitive to sound and light, and are burnt out despite no particular issues with learning--you just can't manage it, you're almost certainly neurodivergent. Yes, you probably have depression and anxiety--but it's from untreated, un-accomodated neurodivergence.
Even if I am wrong, it's worth checking. You have ALL the necessary flags to make checking this worthwhile. You won't regret it if you do. |
AITAH for finally saying no to my family after they used me for everything? | So I’ve been living with my parents for the past few years while saving up for my own place. I help them with literally everything, fixing their computer problems, running errands, paying for random bills when they “forgot,” helping my younger cousin with homework, even organizing family events. I never complained because I felt like it was normal family stuff, plus I like helping.
The thing is, every single time I needed help, like with a minor car repair, or even advice on finding a new apartment, they acted like I was asking too much. My questions got brushed off or ignored, and I was left figuring it out myself. It got to the point where I realized I was basically their free assistant and emotional buffer, but they weren’t actually there for me when I needed them.
So yesterday, they asked me to handle a bunch of last-minute stuff for a cousin’s wedding. I straight up said no. I explained I had plans and couldn’t do it this time. Cue guilt trips, sighs, and the classic “we always count on you” line. I just told them that, yeah, they can’t always rely on me for everything and sometimes I need to look out for myself.
I feel bad because it’s my family, but also like finally I’m setting a boundary I should’ve set years ago. So AITAH for saying no after basically being used for everything and never being supported? | NTA. It sounds like you were giving constantly and getting very little back. Family help should go both ways. Saying no does not make you selfish, it shows self respect. Setting boundaries late is still better than never. |
Wibtah if I didn't let my dad's fiance come to my wedding | I (29) am getting engaged to my fiance (29) who is just the best and most supportive person ever. We haven't decided if we even want to have a wedding because of substantial family issues within my family.
My parents had a horrific divorce 7 years ago after my dad was violent with my youngest sibling, who is now estranged from him. We were a military family, and there was one deployment when he came back he had serious anger issues which resulted in a tumultuous household in my teenage years and finally culminated in that last argument with my sibling. That said he's my parent and I've tried really hard to maintain a relationship with him but it's super difficult.
The divorce was MESSY and left them both with very little money and a whole lot of emotional issues which I wound up listening to which strained my relationships with both of them further. Fast forward to now, my dad is now engaged to a woman hes known for about a year who is just a few years older than me- which frankly creeps me out. My other sibling is also estranged from him now because of that, and I am very low contact, though i do love my dad and just really wish the situation was different.
On some level I feel like he's my dad and he should be invited, but I just am so uncomfortable with his fiance (who is nice, none of this is her fault and she lives in another country anyway, but I don't want to have anything to do with her). There's also a significant chance that even if I don't invite them, they crash it anyway, plus it would cause a total sh!tstorm with his side of the family who I am still close with.
I have no idea what to do and I want to be respectful to everyone but I feel like there is no way to have this wedding without causing immense future drama. WIBTA if I invite him and not the fiance? | If you don't have a good relationship with your father anyway, I don't really see why you'd need to invite either of them. Not inviting his partner would likely cause significant drama, unless he's really mature about being basically cut off by some of his family for the messy divorce and younger woman |
AITAH for getting upset at my mother (and potentially sister) for telling other people that I might be autistic | I will keep this brief, this is just a back story. My environment growing up as tumultuous and I was constantly being blamed for things as a child (and toddler). My father confirmed with me that I was a difficult child about a year ago. Now, as an adult, they have since divorced, but I still live with my mother who still uses me as an emotional punching bag. I say that we don't get along and she vehemently declines this is true only to turn around and proclaim that there is something wrong with me, that I'm evil, that I enjoy treating her badly, pretty much any thing to get a rise.
I was speaking to my cousin who casually brought up that she thought "it's messed up that your mother and sister are telling people that you are autistic behind your back". I thought, what...the fuck?! Mind you, I have never been diagnosed with anything other than depression (which I no longer have), and I mean no disrespect to those who have autism, but I thought it was super fucked up. Why you ask? Because I understood that, instead of just admitting that you don't get along with your daughter and begin working on things with her, you would rather publically come up with yet another explanation as to why things aren't going well that is based solely on your daughters (now cognitive) inability to function in a way that is agreeable to you. AND, not only that, but you would rather express these things unbeknownst to her instead of addressing it with her directly at any time.
I thought it was SUPER fucked up. Especially when I confronted them both about it. My sister denied it entirely, although I know she's lied about me in the past. My mother got upset and defended herself saying that autistic people are intelligent and that she was only saying it to emphasize my intelligence and particular way of communicating (with her. Since she doesn't know how I communicate with other people). That she was using to explain why am the way I am.
It's been months later since and it came up a couple other times, but she now denies ever having said anything of the sort.
My relationship with my father has gotten so much better now that I don't see or communicate with him often, and I'm thinking it'll have to be the same with my mother and sister.
EDIT: FYI, I'm a Virgo and INTP. So maybe this will help you understand my communication style
Further EDIT: My sister and mother are similar and I used to have a destructive relationship with my sister as well, but we knew we loved each other and once we came to terms that we were stuck with each other, we made a list of our triggers and worked out what we needed to to get to where we are today. It took work and we still piss each other off, but we're super close now. We don't speak all the time, but after going to hell and back she's an absolute ride or die.
I mentioned this to my mother, but she won't even admit to get getting along. It's always a finger pointing game and egotistical shit show. I can't even tell her about a personal feeling or experience without her using it to compare it to herself in some shape, way, or form. | NTA. Your mom didn’t diagnose you, she diagnosed herself with a refusal to self reflect. Calling you autistic behind your back is not concern, it’s character assassination with a therapy filter. You’re allowed to be mad when someone turns your personality into their excuse. |
AITAH for setting and standing firm in a boundary with a friend? | I set a boundary with my friend and now we are not speaking. Was I too harsh?
As a preface, this has been an ongoing problem for about 2 weeks. I am trying to resolve it, but nothing has budged, so I'm hoping for some insight to see what I did wrong and how I can do better. The other person in question is an avid Reddit user, but at this point I don't care if he sees this. At least it will hopefully show I am trying to do work on my end of things. I also have screenshots of the following conversations in their entirety if needed for full context, but I'm hesitant to put things on THAT loud of a blast quite yet lmao. This will be long and detailed, so I will put a TLDR at the end.
I (28NB) upset one of my best friends (40M) of 8 years by setting a boundary. We have now gone without speaking for 2 weeks, when we usually talk every day and see each other often. I miss my friend and I want to do everything I can to resolve it, but I don't want to give up that boundary I set for my own mental health.
This friend has extreme abandonment issues. I am sympathetic as I used to be very similar, but these issues often cause him to say things that hurt my feelings and make me feel like a bad friend. He accuses me of planning to leave him, and will preface normal statements with things like, "When you get tired of me, when you realize I suck, when you leave me like everyone else." These make me feel bad, not just for him, but about myself. I have endured this for most of our friendship, but I have recently improved my mental health drastically and am working with my therapist on setting boundaries when I am uncomfortable or hurt. So I decided that I would speak up about how it made me feel, and hopefully create a stronger friendship.
On November 6th, I sent him a text addressing this. I was very nervous, because I was new to speaking up for myself, and was afraid he would react badly. To my surprise, he took it very well! His response basically boiled down to him being proud of me for advocating for myself and that he never wants to hurt me. I was so relieved, and I felt our friendship was stronger for it.
On December 30th, he sent me a text while I was at work. It's worth mentioning here that he knows my work schedule, down to when I take my lunch. It's a full-time job, same hours every weekday. He texts me in the morning that he had a dream that everyone left him. When I didn't respond for 11 minutes, he said, "Oh no, you guys are planning that!" This, of course, upset me. I ignored the message and continued the other conversation we were having. When I did not address the accusation, he replied to his own text, saying, "That's still not a denial!" I, again, ignored this, and made a note to restate my boundaries once I was off work. He replied to his own text yet again with that gif of Homer Simpson receding into the bushes. I ignored it again, and at this point I was in quite a sour mood. My boundary felt disregarded, and it threw me off for the whole workday.
We had plans to hang out that evening, so once I got off work, I sent him a text reminding him of my boundaries so I could address it before we saw each other. It was a rather long text, as I had decided to be a bit firmer and explain a little about WHY I set the boundary in the first place. The comments he made reminded me quite a bit of some controlling abusive situations I had been in, and I hoped that telling him where I was coming from would help him realize just how important this boundary is for me and my mental health. I also mentioned twice in this message that I didn't want to deal with such heavy personal stuff at work. Since he responded surprisingly well the first time I set the boundary, I was not nervous this time around. I pressed send, and went about my evening waiting for our hangout.
Shortly after sending the message, he claimed he had a work thing come up that would take a while to resolve, and we cancelled our plans. I was still not nervous, and decided to give him as much time as he needed to digest my message and get back to me. I did not continue any other conversations, as I felt this would give him an "out" to conveniently ignore or "not see" my text. I simply waited.
The reply came the next evening after 26 hours of silence, 15 minutes before I was set to go to a New Year's Eve party with some friends. It was also a long message that started with, "You really hurt my feelings with that text last night." He reminded me of his abandonment issues, and then mentioned how he was upset that I got good Christmas presents from my friends and he got nothing (I don't really like/celebrate Christmas, so I didn't get anyone any gifts, not even my newborn niece. I did not snub him or anything like that). He explained how no one even texted him Merry Christmas, so he was in a bad headspace in terms of abandonment issues. He said he wasn't trying to be manipulative, he just wanted some reassurance.
This is all fair, but the message upset me because nowhere were my hurt feelings and broken boundaries addressed. I felt like I was talking to a completely different person than the one who was proud of me for setting the boundary in the first place. I was honestly quite disoriented by it. If he wanted reassurance or to talk through his feelings, I would have been open to that, but instead of asking for support or guidance, he accused me of wanting to leave him, which is exactly what I told him not to do. I wanted to cool off and clear my head before I responded, and I also had that party to get to. I decided to leave it for the night and enjoy my New Year's Eve as much as I could.
Our mutual friend (27F), who happens to be a therapist, was at this party. I ran the situation and texts by her and asked for her insight. She told me I was justified in leaving it be for the night, and that he was shirking responsibility. I did my best to put it on the back burner and enjoy my evening, hoping maybe he would take the time to reflect on his message and realize that he didn't address the issue at hand. I had some drinks and had a relatively good night.
As the next day was New Year's Day, I had the day off work. I was also hungover and tired. This is where I think I could be the asshole. I did not text him at all on New Year's Day. I could blame it on how I was hungover and tired and wanted to fully enjoy a lazy day off without stressors, but maybe I should have nutted up and said something. I didn't, and that's on me.
The next day, I am back at work. He texts me in the middle of my workday, "So are we not talking anymore?" I'm up to my neck in leftover work from my day off, and I had already said a few times I don't want to deal with that on the clock, so I ignored it. In my spare moments I began drafting a reply with the intent to send it after work. One hour and eleven minutes later, he texts me, "Message received, I'm sorry for whatever I did that caused this, have a good one." (It's worth mentioning here that I later learned he texted our aforementioned mutual therapist friend in between sending those two texts to me. That text read, "Hey, I know I'm not really welcome among you guys anymore, and I'll respect that, but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for whatever I did and I wish you all the best.") He knew I was working and didn't give me any time to reply before taking our friendship out back behind the shed and shooting it. This made me so upset and quite mad tbh. This, again, affected my workday. I broke my own rule of not texting about it on the clock, and shot back a reply, "Dude, I'm literally at work." I then quickly cleaned up my draft as best I could and sent it.
My reply acknowledged that he was upset and that I'd be down to talk through that later, but I'd like things to be addressed in the order they came up. I told him it hurt me that my feelings and boundaries were completely disregarded. I told him I hoped he would do some reflection and maybe see my point of view, but whether that happened or not, I would not give up my boundary. Maybe I was too harsh, as I said, "You will have to learn to live without my constant reassurance on demand, because either you accept the boundary, or you reject it and I will have to distance myself." I ended the message with, "Take some time to think about what is important to you and further unpack your abandonment issues with your therapist. I'm open to talking more about it after that and when I am not on the clock."
Complete silence after that. I was hoping he was actually respecting my new boundary and waiting to talk with his therapist and sort through his emotions before responding to me. However, a week came and went. During this time, I asked for advice on the situation from many different people with varying amounts of familiarity with him. Mutual friends of ours, friends of mine who know nothing about him, my mother, my therapist. I checked out self-help books from the library and read them, hoping for any insight on what I could do better. The general consensus was, while I may have been harsh, I'm justified in setting that boundary.
After one week, on January 9th, he texts me. Again, I am at work. He wanted to reset the address on the HBO Max account he shared with me so that he could watch some TV. At the end of the message, he said, "Also, I miss ya dude and I'm sorry." I let it sit until I was off work yet again, and then replied letting him know he could do whatever he wanted with the HBO account, and to please not text me at work. I ended the message with, "Do you really miss me and are you really sorry, or are you just here for your HBO? Because if it's truly the former, I said I'd be down to discuss things after you untangle your thoughts on things with your therapist. Let me know if/when that happens." He responded, "Of course I do, and I had just texted about HBO because I've had the flu all week and was wanting to watch The Chair Company." Sticking to my own rule of No Contact Until You Talk With Your Therapist, I did not respond.
That is the last direct exchange I have had with him. After a few days of silence following that, I got notifications that he had stopped sharing his location with me and left several Discord servers we were in together, including one that was just the two of us that we used for gaming together. This makes me feel like he is not going to talk about things in therapy and is instead ending our friendship. He has abandonment issues, but never once during this exchange did I want to or threaten to leave him. I just wanted him to care about my feelings and to stop doing something that hurt me. All I needed was "I'm sorry for violating your boundary and it won't happen again." But now we're here.
I'm trying not to jump to conclusions, as that would be putting words in his mouth and feelings in his heart, which is exactly what I don't like him to do to me. But I can't help but feel like I'm doing everything I can to make things right- Reading self-help books, talking it through with my therapist- And he will not put in any work on his end. Again, that's speculation on my part. I have spent the last two weeks scouring my own messages and thoughts, trying to pinpoint what I can change to make things better. I just miss my friend, but I feel like I don't recognize him right now.
So, am I the asshole? Are my feelings justified? What did I do wrong? What can I do to make it right, WITHOUT giving up my boundary? What books should I read on the subject? Any insight is appreciated. Ask any clarifying questions you want and I will answer honestly. If I need the brutal truth, please give it to me. I just want my friend back.
TLDR: I set a boundary with my friend, who then broke the boundary. When I called him out, he said I hurt his feelings and did not address my concerns at all, resulting in us not speaking for two weeks and counting. | NTA, why does a man in his forties need the emotional support of someone over a decade younger than him? He's acting like a child. There's nothing wrong with having struggles, but he's more than old enough to know that friends are not responsible for catering to his emotions. If he thinks he sucks and *everyone* is leaving him at his grown age, it's probably because he sucks and it's his fault. He's acting like a jealous inscecure boyfriend, and it's weird, especially considering he's not dating you or your friends. Is this friendship even worth it? Or is he just sticking around because you don't want to feel guilty? You're not guilty of anything because you don't owe him anything, no matter how much he tries to manipulate you to think otherwise. |
AITAH if I sleep in my own bed while a guest is over? | I (15f) have a family friend (40m) who visits every 2 weeks or so, i usually have to sleep on the couch in the lounge room whenever he is over because my mother wants him to sleep in my bed, im getting sick of it and i just want to sleep in my own bed without it smelling like a man. | I'm torn here because it's not unusual for younger kids to give up their rooms for older guests. However, he should not be stinking up your bed and if he is, it would be more than reasonable to expect the sheets washed and replaced after he leaves. I do think more context is needed here though who is this man? Why is he spending the night at your house all the time? Once a month or so seems like about the max that would be reasonable, more than that is just weird. And is pushing boundaries. ESPECIALLY because this man isn't related to you. |
AITAH for wanting to end the friendship with my bsf? | So I (f18) have a friend that i know for like 5 years now but we are only friends since 2/3 years because we kinda found something that we have in common. Basically it’s just that I lost interest in our friendship after she became very VERY obsessed with Korean people. She isn’t trying to turn into Korean boo but it’s like the only thing she’s interested in. I personally also liked Korean dramas but Lowkey I don’t anymore because of her obsession that made me get annoyed of them because that’s the only thing that I hear from her every day and she is annoying me with her stupidity like seriously the teacher says sorry about something because she made a mistake and she’s just asking things like why is there a mistake? (She’s asking this right after the sentence from the teacher ended saying she made a mistake) I and I’m like didn’t you listen to her and she’s like yeah I did so why the fuck don’t you know it? She’s saying things that make me think are you joking right now but she isn’t joking. It’s kind of concerning but it’s also annoying me. She’s also very negative She is literally hating on everything that lives except Asian people she’s like ugh these damn kids and I’m like girl we’re at a social work school where we learn the behaving of children?? she’s also kinda isolating me from making new friends because she hates people and because I’m her only friend whenever I’m with her nobody talks to me but when I’m alone, everybody talks to me and I’m just so annoyed of seeing her face every day in school and after school, so am I that asshole for getting so mad at her and wanting to break the friendship | I think you should just distance yourself from your friend for sometime. Don't end friendship, they might change again in the future. |
AITAH do I refuse to pay for my bWhy do I refuse to pay for my brother-in-law's food because he picked me up in the rain?rother-in-law's food because he picked me up in the rain? | Hi, I'm Brazilian and this text will probably have grammatical inconsistencies because I'm using Google, so please excuse that, but let's get to the situation:
My parents and I were talking about ordering dinner where we could all contribute money, so I texted my sister and asked if she wanted to join. (because she gets home late from work and sometimes ends up ordering something just for herself) She agreed and suggested that instead of ordering 2 large Yakisobas, we order 3. I agreed and asked if we could split the cost 5 times (making it 20 each), assuming her boyfriend would also be eating. She said it was only for 4 people, and the total would be 25 (fictitious values to make the math easier). I agreed until she asked to leave one of the Yakisobas just for her and her boyfriend. I asked again if I could split it 5 times, and she refused. Then I told her to pay 40, as it was her and his share, and that neither I nor our parents would pay for her boyfriend. She disagreed, saying she would only pay 20 and calling me ungrateful and reminding me not to forget who picked me up in the rain (he literally only picked me up twice; I'm grateful, but it's nothing wow).Now she's angry with me, calling me selfish and petty, saying I treated her boyfriend like a stranger, that I don't think before I speak, and that I acted as if I were paying for something super expensive.
In short, it's a rather childish situation in my opinion, but I don't like being on bad terms with her, and I wanted to know if I was being a jerk for doing this. | NTA. Just because her "appealing to your emotions" attempt failed doesn't make you the AH. |
AITAH for not forgiving my mom? | I (36M) was born and raised in Korea until I was 7 years old. It was culturally appropriate at the time to literally beat your children. I’m talking wire coat hangers and bike chains to the palm and calves until I bled. And in between holding up textbooks over my head for hours at a time. Mind you I was 7.
Forward to high school, physical violence turned into verbal abuse aimed to probably correct my actions but resulted in absolutely destroying my self esteem and confidence.
In university, verbal abuse transformed into emotional reliance from parent to child. She would often tell me she would kill herself if I moved out of the house.
My oldest son just turned 7 couple months ago and that age triggered something in me. It’s almost like my body held on to the memories and trauma of my childhood and when my boy turned 7, it released everything, reminding me of everything I endured at his age.
I just can’t fathom hitting my child. He’s so little. So fragile. So innocent. How can my mom, as an adult and protector, make me bleed at such a young age? Culturally or not, as a human being, it seems ridiculous.
Seeing my mom nowadays, I’m short to temper and I just can’t see to forgive her no matter how much I want to move on. My dad’s out of the picture.
AITAH? | NTA to distance yourself from your abuser. |
AITAH for not letting my daughters dad take her away right before my holiday? | Hey update feom my last post!
I have replied to comments but I thought I’d make another post here so everyone could see it.
I have gathered as much evidence as I can and made an album in my phone for screenshots and videos I found.
I found a video of mark smoking 🚬💚 and I thought I could use that and say he isn’t safe around her with that. I have pictures of him lying about his broken ring doorbell and I screenshotted my angry message to him and could use it as evidence that I keep going to see him with her.
Thank you all for your help I will be contacting solicitors when I get back from my holiday! | Get him on child support immediately.
Don’t want another update until you have! |
AITAH for refusing to follow my family tradition of celebrating Christmas at my mom’s house & moving it elsewhere because my sister is abusive? | TL;DR: My younger sister is abusive to her kids. My mom enables it. Christmas at her house always ends in chaos. My kids and I don’t want to go anymore. AITA for ending the tradition even though my mom is upset?
AITAH for refusing to spend Christmas at my mom’s house anymore because of my younger sister?
I’m 42F. I have two sisters. My younger sister has serious mental health issues, never properly diagnosed, previously sectioned, refuses medication. To outsiders she seems fine. At home she is emotionally and sometimes physically abusive to her kids.
She has four kids (13F, 15M, 6M, 1F). During her rages she screams at them, hits the oldest kids and has made threats about harming herself or them. Then she comes back and everyone pretends nothing happened.
My mom enables this. She babysits constantly, basically parents for her, and even postponed surgery because my sister “can’t cope.” When incidents happen, my mom backs her up. They both see nothing wrong.
My older sister and I have tried everything over the years. Practical & emotional support, boundaries, social services, calm talks. Any pushback leads to threats and more chaos, so we pulled back for our own mental health.
Christmas is the breaking point every year. We go to my mom’s house as a yearly family tradition and my sister explodes. My niece (13F) hides. My nephew (15M) has started standing up for himself, which makes things worse.
Last year my adult kids (21M, 23F) walked out after abuse started and were called rude by sister and mom.
This year was meant to be the final chance. My nephew accidentally knocked my sister’s drink (no spillage). She screamed abuse and hit him. As he tried to run out of the room, my mom hit him on the back and also verbally abused him. There was no need for it. I challenged my sister & mom. Sister stormed out and came back later. Everyone ignored it and carried on quietly, openly upset.
My older sister and I, and our kids, don’t want to be part of this anymore. They’ve said Christmas is ruined every year by my sisters abusive outbursts, I’m left choosing between protecting my family or keeping tradition with my wider family.
We left at the end of the night. Five minutes later, my sister then verbally attacked her 15-year-old son and her 20-year-old nephew. No one told me at the time because they were scared I’d cancel Christmas permanently.
Now my mom and sister are blaming nephew 15M for “ruining Christmas,” sister said to him they wont visit family anymore because of this. He’s upset and apologising to my older sister who tried to explain it was not his fault. This cycle repeats every year.
I love my mom, but I can’t keep enabling my sister’s behaviour or my mom’s refusal to acknowledge it, especially when it hurts the rest of the family too. AITAH?
EDIT: Social services are aware. My sister has a nice home and the kids are materially provided for. She presents well and the kids lie to protect her. What happens behind closed doors isn’t seen. | Host Christmas at your house and invite those you want. Maybe your older sister's family and the older nibblings of your younger sister.
Read books about C-PTSD - because folks in dysfunctional families are subject to such a diagnosis.
Offer at least the older nephew a safe place if he wants to leave, if you can do so. |
AITAH? For asking my husband to sleep facing away from me? | For context, I asked him to turn away due to his loud snoring and me being a very light sleeper. Usually his snoring is not bad but he is suffering from allergies so there’s that. He also refuses to take any allergy medication so he just “rides it out” and I have not been sleeping well, so last night it was so loud I asked him to turn away and he got so upset this morning because of that. He stated “you snore too sometimes and I never ask you to turn away” he is a HEAVY sleeper and nothing wakes that man up. I also have to wake up before he does for work and he stays sleeping anywhere from 2-3 hours after I wake up. AITAH? | Separate bedrooms. |
Aitah for not telling prospective employer about a trip I’m not going to take. |
Husband and I own a business. We have a trip for business with pleasure mixed planned for March 2026. The plane tickets are refundable. It’s in Washington DC.
We’ve had a plan for me to stop being on his payroll and get a job in the regular work force. This was agreed upon August 2025. I had a serious bike accident September 4. I had brain trauma and a shattered arm that required surgery.
Around late November he starts saying things about how bad our finances are (they aren’t) and how I’ve let the family down by not being able to get a job yet. I had surgery to repair my shoulder and still have lasting effects of the concussion I sustained.
I was hoping to enter into phlebotomy but my arm is still not great and mentally I’m shaken. I don’t know that I want to do it anymore. So I applied for a receptionist position at the same hospital I was hoping to work for. Today I had an interview. I’m not confident that I’ll get it at all because I was all over the place in the interview. Here’s the AH Part.
I did not bring up the trip we had planned because my position is that should I get the job, I will not go on this particular trip. We have a 16 day cruise planned for next year so I will need to bank all the pto I can. He says I lied to them, mislead them, and “never listen to what he says to do”. I said “if you want someone else to pay me amd more importantly the employee taxes on me, you don’t get the choice on my time off .” I should also mention that about a month ago I told him if I found employment, I would not be able to go and he said “just give me notice so I can plan”.
Now I’m being told I’m not a good wife because i will not take off should I get the job. The paid part of pto isn’t the issue so he thinks I can just say “I won’t be here from x day to x day”. It’s an endocrinologist office reception job. They need someone reliable. I’ve been with him for 13 years and worked for him for 12. My confidence is in the toilet. And the fight that ensued further hurt my spirits. I feel like he wants to eat his cake and have it too. He just thinks I lied to them. | Damn are you ok? Your husband treats you with so much disrespect. It honestly sounds abusive. |
AITAH for choosing my BF over my friends? | So I would like to start off by saying this post isn’t with intentions to try and get sympathy. I want to know genuinely if I am wrong.
My best-friend and I had been friends for 14 yrs. I am 21 now this happened when I was 20. My bf is 22 and my ex friend is 19- she has an extremely late birthday but we’re both born in the same yr. We grew up together and she was my first and only friend for basically my whole life. I moved to Mormon white Utah as a child, I was only 7 when we moved here. Bc I wasn’t Mormon I had a very hard time making friends leading me to sit alone most of the time until 3rd grade when I met my now ex friend I’m gonna name her Silly.
Silly and I started having problems when we got into high-school. She would always shoot me down abt anything I liked or was interested in. I have many memories of her saying I’m weird or embarrassing for music, clothes and hobbies I enjoyed. I remember her telling me it was embarrassing to enjoy ancient Egypt and history and “to not go around telling people that cause they’d think I’m weird”. I would tell her about things I liked or wanted such as wanting a specific pair of doc martens, she acted surprised I wanted them and then before I could save up the money to get them myself she had her parents buy her a pair and then she was wearing them everyday saying it’s now her new obsession- she did this to me multiple times. She fucked 3 of my crushes, and when I confronted her she told me she did it bc she knew I never would. One crush she fucked she ended up dating and I was heartbroken bc he and I had just started talking when she added him on snap and started talking to him. Our senior yr we became friends w a huge group of girls 7-14 girls roughly.
My boyfriend and I met in march of 2024, and started dating in June of 2024. This is where a lot of the bigger problems started. I did not tell Silly about my BF until he has asked me to be his GF she knew I was seeing someone but I gave no other details. He just so happened to be my first boyfriend ever and the first boy ever that I did not give her details about.
During all this time my sister was diagnosed with a rare cancer. In August of 2024 my sister was rushed into emergency surgery after 2 ambulances and 3 blood transfusions. I was watching my sister lose her life right before my eyes. Silly knew about everything going on with my sister and NEVER asked me once how she was, how I was, and if I was okay. But she did asked me to go out and party with her and the other girls. But somehow we were still “bestfriends”. August of 24 was her 18th bday party I did not go because my sister was in the hospital recovering from surgery- I had stayed home that night to clean my sisters room and wash her sheets (they were covered in old blood her tumor was vascular) I wanted her to have a fresh space to come home to after surgery. I as well was watching our cats and dog. She called me multiple times that night to tell me that I was lame for not showing up and everyone else showed up but not me. I can’t lie. I didn’t care about her bday bc my sister almost died the night prior. My concern wasn’t getting drunk.
Silly told all of the girls I didn’t show up bc I was cleaning my sisters room and with my boyfriend. Leaving out a crucial detail as to why I was cleaning my sisters room and I was NOT with my BF he was home with his family.
A couple months later it was another friends bday at this point my sister was doing well so I wasn’t concerned about being home. So I went to this girls bday. I wasn’t going to spend the night tho and I had made it clear my BF was gonna pick me up to go home since I would be under the influence and didn’t wanna drive. They begged me to stay and eventually the bday girl offered up a room to me and said invite ur BF and he can sleepover and you can stay. Which wasn’t the problem but it was clear they wanted me there and my BF is a fun man so I invited him. That night Silly said “fuck ur BF” when me and him were heading up to bed and told me to cuddle w her instead. (HER AND I NEVER EVEN HUGGED) I just told her I didn’t care and no I was sleeping w my BF. That same night she leaned into him while he was doing the dishes and told him how “sweet he is” piss me tf off. I didn’t confront her abt this until the night we stopped being friends. And she called me crazy and told me to fuck myself. I’d go to court over this with my pussy on a bible cause the last thing I’m gonna do is pull shit out of my ass.
Also during all of this she had a man!
She continued to insult my BF and his body and how he looked. I think he’s very handsome. I honestly cannot put everything she said and did to me in here bc it would be too long. I can sit here and acknowledge that I was seeing my BF a lot when we first met but when I tried to make it right apologize and see her more she stopped answering my text, would only see me if another girl was there, lied to me and said she was busy with work and then posted on her story being by herself doing a shopping haul in her car. I eventually gave up and stayed silent until August 2025 when I said I wasn’t going to her bday party I said I had plans but the truth is I didn’t want to see her. She didn’t feel like someone I knew anymore and I felt so out of place trying to talk to her. Best way i can describe it is I felt like I had to be someone I wasn’t anymore around her. Also through all of this my parents wanted a divorce and when I tried to confide in her abt it her response was “wow that’s a lot” and that was it. Soo I happily picked my BF. Turns out after we officially had a talk and were no longer friends she ran to every girl in the friend group and every girl stopped talking to me. It’s been 6 months and I don’t follow any of them anymore and they don’t follow me. I don’t know what Silly told them but it has seriously affected and hurt me deeply. Silly also continues to name call on social media about me even tho I have her blocked (my sister brought the name calling to my attention).
(Disclaimer: I’m in therapy and am diagnosed on the spectrum. I tend to have a hard time understanding if someone is joking or being mean)
Am I the asshole for leaving behind Silly and the group of girls and choosing my BF?
| Nta at all.
I think you’ll be a million times better off without her or the other “friends” in your life. She sounds toxic af. And they’ve listened to all the bs she’s obviously told them. I don’t think any of them should have ever been classed as friends to begin with.
Everyone deserves a friend who supports and listens to you. And vice versa. This was NOT that at all.
They are not worth your time. You deserve better. |
AITAH for not driving my situation-ship to class? | For context, I am 21M, situation-ship is 22F. We're both in university, and she's in the spirit marching band (I had the option but decided not to join despite her wishes because of my large course load this year). We live in the same apartment complex. but not the same apartment. Recently, this have been going pretty well between us. Yes, it's a situation-ship, but please don't make your judgement based on that fact alone.
I've been talking to this girl for a year now. She's a grade above me. Her lack of commitment isn't the issue here, so I won't go into too much detail about it, but it plays a role. A new school year has started and with it, the first softball game she'll play at. She asked me to drive her to rehearsal, then from rehearsal to the softball field, and then pick her up after the game.
I've been giving her occasional rides to and from class when I'm not busy and able to do so, and I've been genuinely happy to do so (and offered)! When she asked me to drive her to rehearsal and pick her up from the game, I wanted to help out and agreed. She asked me to drive her from rehearsal to the softball field after, and I refused.
Here's the issue: The rehearsal building is a straight-shot, no-hill, 9 minute walk away from the rehearsal building, and rehearsal ends 15 minutes before the game starts. When I asked her, she said she was worried about not making it on time. They band directors will release them on time, because students being late to the event would reflect poorly on them, not to mention that there are a lot of other band members without a car. It's a 10 minute drive to the rehearsal building and, as I mentioned before, I've got a heavy course load. Additionally, I really dislike having to drive my car (both for financial and environmental reasons) and she is aware of this. She also has an electric scooter that she didn't charge, despite having ample time to.
I've been in therapy years now, and have discovered that one of my issues is constant fawning (basically, chronic people-pleasing). Recognizing that I was doing it again, I decided to set the boundary and when I told her I didn't want to drive her, there was an immediate mood change. I was very kind and considerate in my wording and tone, and she did not return it.
She denied that I was fawning (a feeling that's very easy for me to recognize) and quickly shut down all conversation. It felt invalidating that she told me my reaction wasn't real. She said something along the lines of, "this is why I'm hesitant to get into a relationship with you," which really hurt because it felt like she's using commitment as a false reward for favors. I've helped her through some of the most difficult times in her life, and she's choosing to focus on the one time I didn't drive her 60 seconds to the field.
From my perspective, a drive to the field is unnecessary and impractical. She has a history of not respecting boundaries, and this seems like a continuation of that. I didn't sign up for band because I didn't want the responsibility, and it feels like she's upset that I don't want to share that responsibility with her. She didn't charge her scooter despite the opportunity, and now it's my issue. I'm really trying to use what I learned in therapy, and her reaction is making me feel bad for trying. I'm not sure I feel safe talking to her about these things anymore.
That said, I can see where she's coming from. I am always the one to drive us places, and this is a change in my behavior. It might not make sense to her why I'm not I'm not helping her in this situation, but I do in other situations. AITA? | A situation ship is that so it’s not complicated and you can break it off because you have no obligations to this girl. I suggest you do that. Also not everyone needs to know your private business like therapy, why you go etc… it’s very easy for people to use that against you. Information diet next time. |
AITAH for not wanting to have a thorough convo with a friend about how a mistake she made (that negatively affected me, but was resolved) is still making her deeply upset and hurt? | TLDR: aitah for refusing to have a personal conversation with my friend about how hurt she is that it upset me when she gave out my home address to a stranger without my consent?
(\*Sorry it’s so long. This shouldn’t even be a thing, IMO, but after writing this all out, I’m pretty sure IATA. Minor details changed, texts paraphrased for privacy\*)
I (39f) live alone, outside a major city. A couple of weeks ago I received a greeting card in the mail from an out-of-state address I didn’t recognize. No name, just the address. The card was a photo of a German Shepard and an orange tabby cat cuddling like bffs (so cute). It was addressed to my current name in nickname form, which was my first ‘WTF’ because I changed my name and moved states a long time ago to ensure my abusive family could not find me (again). There have been a couple times when I’ve gotten mail from my ex-aunt or ex-mother with a kind of \*Aha! I found you!\* message slathered in faux concern and this will trigger my hypervigilance and anxiety great heights.
I looked up the address on Google Maps; did not recognize. Looked up the address on a people finder site. Nothing familiar. Clicked a different name and looked at that profile. Still didn’t recognize any names, and now I’m starting to panic. \*Who tf knows my name and home address?!\* I had to go down three levels before finding a name I recognized: the last name of my friend’s roommate. So texted that friend (Jo, fake name) asking if she knew who this could have been from. She was like
“Oh yeah! That’s my roommate’s cousin, she lives on a farm in \[several states away\] and her pets are besties with each other.”
I asked, “You gave out my address?”
“Yes, sorry I forgot to ask you first, but I thought you might enjoy getting cute animal pics in the mail.”
This is the first thing that makes me second guess if I’m overreacting. But I texted back: “Okay well I was totally freaked out. I thought my bio family had found me. I’m glad it’s someone you know personally, but I don’t, and giving out my home address without my consent just isn’t cool.” She immediately crashed out in a shame spiral: “omg I’m so sorry, I was trying to do something nice for you, I’m so sorry I misstepped, I didn’t mean to do anything wrong” but like, \*walls\* of text. My heart broke. It’s not a friendship ending mistake, but it’s still a mistake, right? Maybe I’m being a bitch?? So in the middle of her texts (they just kept coming) I sent a “I’m not mad, I just need a moment. Sometimes it’s hard to tell you when you’ve made a mistake because you take it so hard… but I am not mad. I know I’ll get over it, it just sent me reeling. I apologize if I sound abrasive.” but the texts kept coming including one where she asked if I could call her to reassure her because she was having a panic attack.
This triggered me. This is something my ex-mom used to do. She’d forget to pick up from school or do something that scared me, and then shame spiral so bad that I ended up having to comfort her and rescue her from her own guilt. I’ve done a LOT of therapy and DBT around this. I referred to my training and told myself: \*You are not responsible for her guilt. You didn’t do anything wrong here. Your reaction was valid. And hers might be too, sometimes people filter their emotional reactions thru their life experience, and you know Jo had a really difficult childhood.\* Jo is an extremely beautiful, introverted and sensitive person. We’ve never had any big wrinkles in our friendship, this is the first one. But I know from being her friend that it’s hard to tell her she’s done something wrong, or that she’s hurt your feelings because I’ve observed how much guilt and shame she takes on, like legit trauma. It really, really hurts my heart to see her struggling or in pain.
But in this case, I got mad. I was still trying to recalibrate from the state of panic I had been in, but she’s asking \*me\* to help \*her\* though this? The whole thing was her fault! “I hate that you are struggling right now, but I can’t be the one to comfort you about this, when I’m the one whose privacy was violated.”
Of course, that just made things worse on her end. She sent so many long apologetic texts (she contacted the sender and asked that my info be deleted from her mailing list) that it started to feel like I was being manipulated so I just signed off saying “Thank you for doing that, we can talk about this another time. I love you.”
A week goes by, and I text Jo a funny meme to sort of check in. She replied, “I’d like it if you could call me when you have the time. I don’t really wanna have this conversation over text. I’m feeling a way about this as well.” I said, “well I’m mostly over it. It was just you asking me to comfort you that bothered me the most. It didn’t feel fair or appropriate” but she just repeated she didn’t want to do this over text, followed by two long texts about communication styles and how hurt she is that I said it’s sometimes hard to tell her she hurt my feelings because of how hard she takes it. She goes on to say she has a habit of not speaking up when she’s uncomfortable, and so she wants to be brave this time. Her feelings are hurt that I didn’t even thank her for the kind thought, even though “it went awry. I was trying to do something nice and it got blown out of proportion.” Ooooooh the way I was instantly triggered all over again. \*Went awry?\* Girl. This was not a sitch that you lost control of. This was a sitch you created out of thin air, and was bad judgement from start to finish. And you want me to \*thank you?? ‘Blown out of proportion?? By who exactly? Me??\* I said, last week, back in the moment, that I wasn’t mad, and that I’d get over it soon. Jo is insisting that we have a good, thorough conversation about this because “we both got hurt from it and we both deserve to feel a respectful resolution.”
This is where I think I’m being as asshole. I DO NOT WANT TO. I don’t f’cking want to! Everything in my gut is telling me not to engage with this. The whole dialogue is so familiar to me and I have worked so hard strengthening my emotional self awareness. I even talked about this with my therapist and she basically said “it seems like she’s making a mistake she did to you, all about herself and her mental health / healing” but without her hearing Jo’s side, I just don’t know.
AITAH for refusing to have a closure conversation about her being upset that it bothered me that she gave out my address without consent? Does that sounds ridiculous to you as it does to me? Or am I being obtuse and insensitive? | Unless you are her therapist, NTA to close a subject. |
AITAH for wanting to watch a show after my boyfriend told me it makes him uncomfortable? | It's a gay hockey show on hoo max called Heated Rivalry which has quite of bit of sex scenes. I actually started watching it with him but he didn't like it much so when I mentioned just watching it on my own I could see his visible discomfort. Later he told me, me watching it makes him insecure and uncomfortable but he knows he shouldn't and doesn't want me to tell me what I can and can't watch but idk. His reaction makes me feel like if I do watch it I'm being a bad partner, feeling really conflicted. | This sounds like a job for a conversation. |
AITAH for dancing with another guy during a dance class where leads rotate? | So my boyfriend and I attended one of my dance classes. We were doing partner work during which the instructor has the leads rotate.(he knew this ahead of time)
At one point everyone was so out of order there was a scramble for dance partners. Basically you have to get to your partner in time to catch the beat and freestyle the moves we’ve learned. There were 3 people coming to me. I froze. My boyfriend and I locked eyes. another guy grabbed my hand and my bf had to dance with someone else. I didn’t know what to do
| rotating partners is a standard part of group dance classes. if either you or your boyfriend has a problem with that, sign up for private lessons.
you did nothing wrong. |
AITAH for being hurt that my family doesn’t care about me anymore? | I’ve been no contact with both of my parents and my entire family for 4 years now, I was the oldest that they had at 16, they broke up then got back together and got married when I was 8 and they always just treated me like a burden and an afterthought and always preferred everyone else over me, so at 18 I moved away for college and cut them all out of my life.
Earlier today I was shopping at my grocery store and I ran into both of my parents and siblings, I don’t know what they were doing there they live almost 2 hours away from here, my dad saw me and he looked at me and just carried on, not a single hi or nod or any acknowledgment whatsoever that I was there, and I don’t know why but it hurts so fucking much, like I don’t care about them and haven’t in years but them just not giving a single fuck about me anymore fucking hurts, when I first went no contact for weeks and months they tried reaching out to me, they wanted me, but today they were literally right there and I still didn’t get a single hey or any sort of acknowledgment, like they just moved on with their lives.
I don’t know why that even matters to me but goddamn it hurts so bad. Is it wrong for me to have assumed that they would still care about me? | You went no contact with them, they tried to reach out to you and you ignored it. What did you expect them to do? |
AITAH For Only Knowing What THEY Taught Me?! | Throw away because some coworkers know my regular account and I’m not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings.
Honestly, did not think this would turn into anything serious, but now it has become a whole situation and people are acting like I did something wildly wrong, so I need outside opinions.
This started about six weeks ago. I agreed to take over part of a shared responsibility that had already been partly handled by someone else. At the time everyone seemed clear on what that meant, so there was no long explanation. It was basically just “handle the second part and we are good.”
I brought what I was told to bring and gave it to the person who usually coordinates everything. He looked it over, said it was fine, and set it aside. Nothing about that felt unusual.
Later someone asked if it had already been processed. I said yes, because I had handled it. What I did not realize was that they were referring to a completely different step that no one had ever mentioned to me. Nobody corrected me and I did not know we were talking about two different things.
A few days later there was suddenly an issue because the reference numbers did not match what they expected. I was told this only happens when certain steps are done out of sequence. This was the first time I was hearing that there was even a specific sequence to follow.
Then I was told I was responsible for the “second adjustment.” I did not know there had been a first adjustment. The only thing that had been mentioned to me before was something described as a preliminary step, and I did not realize that counted as part of the official process.
So I went in and corrected what I thought needed correcting. While I was doing that I moved one of the attached items to make it easier to work with. I did not remove anything or throw anything away, I just shifted it.
Apparently that changed the order, which meant the confirmation that had already been issued was now considered invalid, even though nothing about the actual contents had changed.
Now people who were not even there are upset and saying they would have handled it differently if they had been present. The coordinator is saying I should have known not to touch anything after the adjustment stage, even though no one ever told me that stage existed.
No one lost money. Nothing broke. But now I am being treated like I caused a major disruption and that I altered the timeline, which I genuinely do not understand.
I feel like I did exactly what I was supposed to do based on what I was told, and that I am being blamed for a system that was never actually explained to me.
So AITAH, for what I did?
| You’re definitely NTA. Sounds like you were given half the info and expected to read minds for the rest. If no one told you about the full process or the order, you can’t be blamed for missing steps. The real issue is poor communication, not you moving a thing around to help. Don’t stress it too much. |
AITAH? Imploring advice. | Hello. I'm really struggling with something. I recently ghosted my "sister-in-law" (husband's brother's girlfriend), who I have gotten pretty close with in the last 2 years. There has been no fallout. We have a great relationship. Here's the situation. Most of our conversations involve her complaining about my brother-in-law. Her complaints are completely legitimate. However, it puts me in a bit of an awkward situation. In addition to that, the negativity is starting to bring me down. The other piece of this is she has a skill of non-stop talking. We took a round trip 8-Hour drive and there was not one moment of silence. No exaggeration. The conversations are always about her and I can barely get a word in edgewise. If I do get a word in, it's a sentence or two, maybe a paragraph if I'm lucky, and then it goes right back to her. I feel completely emotionally drained after spending time with her. The constant listening and feeling like a therapist is exhausting. Ghosting her is a form of self-care for myself, but I feel guilty. I would never deliberately hurt her and I know she has to be wondering why I haven't been in touch . I don't know how to tell her any of the above without hurting her feelings. Thoughts? Advice? | Soft YTA you should be honest and say that you don’t want to hear it. She can’t know this is bothering you unless you tell her. “If you’re going to stay with him and he’s not being abusive, I don’t feel comfortable hearing about the ins and outs of your relationship troubles so much. That’s still my BIL” is a fair request.
Ghosting isn’t about not hurting her feelings, because either way you’re hurting her feelings. Ghosting is just to save yourself from an awkward conversation, but adult relationships require them sometimes. It’s for your benefit, not hers. |
AITAH for still being angry years later after my dad didn’t tell me I was attending his pre-wedding dinner? | Hi! First of all, I'd like to apologize for any mistakes; I'm French, so English isn't my native language. This is also my first time posting, so I'm a little nervous.
I’m wondering if I’m overreacting or holding into something I should have let go of.
For background: my parents separated when I was 10 (my sister was 14). My father was emotionally distant, alcoholic, often aggressive, and very self-centered. Growing up, I learned quickly that my feelings and opinions didn’t matter to him. He cared a lot about appearances and how things looked to others, but behind the scenes my mother did all the emotional and practical work of raising us.
Because of this, I learned very young not to rely on him, not to confide in him, and to keep quiet to avoid conflict. Talking back or expressing myself only made things worse. I developed a lot of anxiety and very low self-esteem as a result.
After the separation, despite not wanting to see him anymore, I was forced into shared custody and had to visit him every other weekend. When my sister turned 18, she eventually cut contact with him after one final incident where he humiliated and verbally attacked her. After that, I was the only one still seeing him.
At 17, I was very withdrawn, anxious, and used to staying silent to get through visits with him.
That’s when the incident happened.
He told me he would be traveling to Gabon during Christmas break for “a family wedding.” He never said it was *his* wedding. I didn’t question it because he never talked about his family anyway.
One weekend, he took me to dinner with people he described as “friends.” It turned out to be a large family gathering. I was shy, barely spoke, just tried to be polite and invisible.
During the meal, an older woman asked me if I was going to the wedding. I laughed and said no. There was an awkward silence. My father quickly said I had too much schoolwork and changed the subject.
A few days later, while shopping for suits and then wedding rings, I asked him why ***he*** was buying the rings.
That’s when he casually said:
“It’s my wedding.”
I was shocked. I laughed because it felt unreal. I later realized that the dinner I attended was actually with **the bride’s family**, and no one had thought to tell me who they were or what the context was. I had even spoken briefly on the phone with the woman he was marrying, but he never told me she was his partner or future wife.
To make it worse, I later learned she already had a son. My father had always wanted a boy and had been openly disappointed when he learned my mother was pregnant with a girl. That realization hit very hard.
Looking back, I feel like I was brought to that dinner as a prop — to be shown, not included, without being informed or respected as a person.
At the time, I said nothing. I was dependent on him for transportation and had learned that staying quiet was safer. A year later, when I turned 18, I cut contact with him entirely.
Today, years later (I'm 24), the story as a whole feels absurd and almost funny. But that specific dinner still makes me angry. I feel humiliated on my younger self’s behalf and resentful that I was put in that situation at all.
So… AITAH for still being angry about this years later? | I have just watched the latest John Wick, apologies: it depends how you use your anger and who you direct it at.
Seriously though: i think if you feel angry it's because you care. You need to decide whether you want your father to have this hold on you. Don't let him pollute and spoil your peace. Someone who has let you down repeatedly shouldn't get to contaminate your life with his failure as a parent. |
AITAH for “forcing” my daughters father out of her life. | AITA for “ forcing” my daughter’s Father out of her life. This is seems so long so sorry.
My daughter is 10 years old. Her biological father (29M, I’ll call him “L”) and I have had a custody agreement since she was 2. I understand how custody works and have always tried to follow the agreement, even when it was emotionally difficult for me or my child.
L’s pattern of absence started almost immediately. When our daughter was 5 days old, he left New Mexico claiming he had to attend a custody battle involving his parents in Texas. That was a lie. He took my car, went to party with friends (he was underage), totaled the vehicle, and left beer boxes in the backseat. His family had to bring him back to NM. That was the first major sign that the family I thought we were building wasn’t real.
When our daughter was 6 months old, L woke up one morning and told me he was moving back to Texas. At the time, I was working full-time, making good money, paying for a car, and supporting our household on my own. I told him I would still make sure our daughter saw him and I did. I drove her 7 hours every other weekend while working full time. Later, I found out from his parents that L often didn’t even have her; they did.
When he asked to move back to NM, I agreed, hoping he would step up. In 2017, I even transferred my job to Texas to give him another chance. We lived briefly with my dad, then with L’s mother. That situation lasted two weeks before I ended the relationship permanently and moved out with my daughter. We went to the Attorney General and set up a standard custody agreement: I was primary, and he was ordered to pay child support.
From that point on, L’s involvement steadily declined. He missed birthdays, holidays, and went six months with no contact when our daughter was 4. She cried after missed visitations and asked why he didn’t show up. His father and stepmother (who have always supported me) were often the only reason she saw that side of the family.
I later had another child with a different partner (BD), who became a consistent and loving father figure to my daughter. During my second pregnancy, I was placed on strict bed rest and later in a wheelchair. Even though L lived only 15 minutes away at the time, he refused to help with our daughter. She ended up staying temporarily with my mom so I could manage medically.
In 2022, I moved back to New Mexico because there was nothing left for us in Texas. L visited once in March 2023 to watch a soccer game, which meant a lot to my daughter both her “dads” were there. That was followed by one more brief visit. Then nothing.
By this time, my daughter viewed BD as her dad and referred to L as “first-name dad.” L has never consistently followed the custody agreement and has also been arrested multiple times, including two DUIs.
In summer 2024, L demanded his summer visitation. My daughter is high-functioning autistic, very routine-based, and had never spent more than two days alone with him. She didn’t want to go, but I followed the agreement. The visit went badly. L did not have adequate clothes for her and made her rewear the same pajamas for multiple days. She spent most of the visit crying and FaceTiming me, asking when she could come home.
Her paternal grandmother eventually picked her up early and called me in tears, saying both she and my daughter were crying and that my daughter was clearly distressed. That was the last time L saw her in person.
In summer 2025, while visiting his family (not L), he told her over the phone that he was going to fly her to see him without telling me just going straight to her. She panicked, hyperventilated, and completely shut down. After conversations with me, her aunt, and her grandmother, my daughter chose to block him on her phone. He has never been blocked on my phone and knows how to reach me.
Since then, he has made no effort. He hasn’t followed the custody agreement, hasn’t checked in, and owes nearly $40,000 in back child support. Recently, I asked him once and a month early for $200 toward her birthday because she joined an expensive sport. He accused me of “forcing him out of her life.”
I told him calmly that no one forced him out his actions did. I have never kept his daughter from him. I allowed my child to set boundaries for her emotional safety while keeping communication open through me.
So, AITA for “forcing” him out of my daughter’s life”and allowing my daughter to block her father when he still has access to me and has repeatedly chosen not to show up? | You know the answer. NTA, of course! Don’t let that man-child manipulate you. |
AITAH for refusing to let my roommate donate my shared plants to a charity sale? | I live with a roommate and we both tend a bunch of houseplants in our apartment. Recently, she decided she wanted to donate some of the plants to a local charity sale without asking me first. I told her no because some of them were gifts from my family or had sentimental value, and I didn't feel comfortable giving them away. She got really upset, saying it was "for a good cause" and that I'm being unreasonable. I offered to let her pick a few of her own plants to donate, but she's still angry and won't talk to me. AITAH? | Take a photos of the plants, it would not surprise me if some of yours went missing. |
AITAH for telling my girlfriend I like her mom? | I was invited by my girlfriend to spend winter break with her family. When I accepted she warned me that her mom is "a lot" and asked me to please not judge her on her mom's neuroticism and passive aggression. She said her dad and brothers are great, and putting up with her mom was worth it to get to know them, but to please not let her mom chase me off. She also said not to worry because she and her dad would "protect" me.
I was a little nervous after that, but I was also still excited. When winter break rolled around we made the drive to her parent's house. As soon as I got there everyone was happy to see me. They were all so warm and welcoming. Her mom was very friendly and offered me refreshments as soon as I stepped foot inside. She also thanked me for taking my shoes off. My girlfriend told her mother not to "start in on the lectures" but she didn't lecture me. She just said thank you.
The whole time I was there everyone was lovely, but my girlfriend and her brothers and dad frequently told off the mom for being "rude" or "demanding." When I got up to help her do the dishes my girlfriend's dad told me not to, and I said I always do it at home and would feel weird not doing it. My girlfriend's brother asked her if she was "training" me. She looked embarrassed and asked me to sit back down. I felt weird about watching her mom clean without doing anything, so I didn't listen to her, and she was a little irritated but quickly got over it.
The trip was great, but it was also weird because, well, as nice as everyone was to me, they were so mean to their mom. At one point her dad called my girlfriend the princess, and I said, "that makes your mom the queen, right?" My girlfriend said "more like the dictator" and her dad laughed! If I said that about my mom my dad would have slapped me. I know every family is different, but it was a bit of a culture shock.
On the way home my girlfriend said I did great and everyone loved me and that she apologized for her mom. I said I didn't understand why she was apologizing. I said I like her mom. She asked me what I mean, and I said that she's nice. My girlfriend said that I didn't have to grow up with her. She said I didn't know the real her, and that she was just putting on a nice face for a guest. I asked what sort of stuff her mom did when she was a kid. She said her mom was crazy strict and demanding, and that if her dad hadn't been there to protect her she "wouldn't have made it through." She said he would have divorced her mom by now if not for her brothers and that he made a huge sacrifice for them. I said I was sorry she went through that.
Since we got back her mom hasn't come up again until last night when one of our friends was complaining about a professor who is completely unreasonable, and my girlfriend said "you should meet my mom. She's the definition of unreasonable." I don't know if this was a self-destructive impulse or too much beer, but I said "I really liked her mom. She was nice." My girlfriend was pissed. She said she couldn't believe I would say that after she told me how nasty her mom was to her growing up. I apologized, but then I said she never actually said what her mom *did*. She said she shouldn't have to.
She didn't text me back this morning. Am I the asshole? I'm inclined to think that obviously I'm the asshole for dismissing my girlfriend's suffering, but I also can't escape how bad I feel for her poor mother. | So this is a phenomenon. Men hating their wives and then the kids follow. Its really sad. I wouldnt stay a part of this family. |
AITAH for telling my friend a mutual friend was being inappropriate after being told not to? | So boom I (16F) told my friend Jennifer (15F) that a mutual friend of ours was talking sexually to her boyfriend after deliberately being told not to by other members of the group. I'm going to use fake names but I doubt they'll ever see this. Basically, I was told on the bus Friday after school by David (15FM) that Mia (14F) told Bryan she was gonna suck his dick and slurp his cum. Vulgar, I know. I clarified several times that she is very aware someone in our group, Jennifer (15F) was already talking to him. She does and doesn't care. In fact, she used to like him when she first arrived and would tell Jennifer the things Bryan would say about her so there is no excuse about not knowing. David brushed it off and said he "doesn't care".
I went home and told another very trust worthy member of the group Emily (16F) about the situation to see if I should tell Jennifer or not. Emily agreed to a tea that is was weird and I should let Jennifer know so she knows not to be all in Mia's face moving forward. I consulted in another member, Issac (14F) who turns out, already knew, because Bryan told him they were "flirting" all period and she made the vulgar comment at the end. He told me not to tell her because it's not my place and it would be messy. He also used the excuse of it being a "joke" and that being the way she talks which it is. She's nasty as fuckk and i'm not trying to be funny either. Second week of being at the school she was caught coming out the boys locker room with someone, got ingered on her period, and gave someone head. Ive never been close to her because I just honestly got weird vibes from the shady jokes and comments she makes towards me.
I understand he was trying to avoid drama but like.. you're not gonna tell her..? I told him I wouldn't which I wasn't but I couldn't stop thinking that I would be a bad friend for not ever telling her because I remember everytime I wish one of my friends spared me heartache. so I did. I wrote it on a note in 3rd period since that's what she told me to do instead of waiting for class to be over. She proceeded to put on her instagram note "y'all hoes have no self respect and you niggas love it" (don't come for the queen i'm black) to which Mia came up to her nearing the end of lunch after staying away from us the whole time to quote her note and ask who she was talking about. They didn't fight because once Mia realized we were ignoring her she walked off. Now, my friend Issac and David got on the phone and were mad at me for "going" against what they said and not staying in place.
They THEN switched it up and claimed they were gonna tell her but I shouldn't have because I didn't have all the details or know the full story but he made it seem like he wasn't gonna tell her ever. Emily still agrees I was in the right and everyone else I told the story to in code of course thought it was nasty of Mia and it was right for me to tell. I felt like I would have been a horrible friend for not telling her and maybe I could have minded my business but in all honesty, not much drama has sparked. They aren't arguing. They aren't throwing shots on social media. They aren't talking about each other. To my knowledge atleast. In fact, they told me that Mia doesn't even care about the whole situation. I also want to add that Issac took a picture of the note I gave to Jennifer in class because she kept it, was screenshotting things I said to present on the phone and was recording the actual call which all rubbed the wrong way. The situation is not that big enough for you to feel like you need all this fucking evidence but ok girl. Anyways, let me know | She said it in front of your friend group. Here’s the thing about teenagers, they’re gonna talk. She’s going to find out. Dentist as motivation to do the right thing |
AITAH for not wanting to give my parents 50% of my paycheck? | I'm intending on getting an upcoming summer job, and discussed it with my parents who said that was a wonderful idea. They then followed up with me a few days later and said I'd be giving them 50% of my paycheck. i retaliated and all they really said is that I owed it to them. for context though, I only live under their roof 30% of the time, as we don't *have* a roof. we've been switching between motels and family friends houses for a while now, and because of that I'm almost always at my boyfriend's house (he picks me up from school, I stay until 9 then come home just to shower and sleep, and I'm usually there on weekends too.) and I hardly eat with my parents because I usually ate with my boyfriend. Additionally, my boyfriend said he'd feel 100% willing to drive me to and from work everyday, so they wouldn't even be doing that. i understand we're in a bad place but that is not fault of mine (they cannot drive due warrents and lack of insurance and only get under the table pay) and while I would be willing to pitch, say, 25% out of love for them I feel 50% is absolutely excessive and exploitive especially being that I'm under 18 therefore am not freeloading of any sort. so aitah? | NTA. You’re under 18 and your parents are legally responsible for you, not the other way around. Asking for 50% of your paycheck when you barely live with them and they aren’t providing stable housing is unreasonable. Offering 25% is more than fair given the situation, especially since you’re covering your own food and transportation. |
AITAH for ghosting my FWB? | I'm 18 FTM and began a friendship with this girl we’ll call Lena (20 MTF).
We developed this routine of me coming to her dorm to hang out. A couple of weeks went by, and I noticed that Lena called me her “situationship” to one of her online friends, which made no sense to me because she had a bf, and I even said we're just friends.
One day, we’re hanging out (I literally don't remember how this happened), but my hand ended up on her chest. I think I meant to put it around her shoulder while we were watching a show (because she always wanted to be close to me), and I accidentally grazed her chest. She didn't mind, though, and she actually liked it, so I kept touching her. Even though I wasn't actually interested. (apperently bf is fine with being open, so I'm not a home wrecker)
She asks if I’m bi, to which I say no, and she asks if she's an exception to my gayness. I say no to that also.
We continue hanging out like normal, and at some point says that she's not a top for dysphoria reasons. And that if we ever had sex, I’d have to top with a prosthetic. I told her I don't top, so we wouldn't have sex in the first place.
I think around this time, we had started making out, which was fine. I told her, it’s not terrible, it doesn't do anything for me. It was just something to do. Which sounds harsh, but I'm highlighting that she knew from the beginning I wasn't attracted to her, and anything we did was not out of true desire for a relationship.
Eventually, we do have sex because she says she’ll top. I'm at this point a virgin and extremely horny from my testosterone, so I say yes. Afterwards, she asked what I felt, and I had to break the news that I was very much still gay and not into her.
Afterwards, now and then we’d give each other head. She'd try being more romantic, which I didn't reciprocate. She said something like “I want more romantic stuff, and I feel like you just want sex.” I told her what I had already said multiple times: I didn't want anything romantic, and the sex is meaningless. I even told her that I felt like I was taking advantage of her because she liked me. But she insisted it was fine.
Eventually, I stopped doing anything sexual with her, including kissing.
I stopped hanging out with her because I made some other friends, and I truly just wasn't having a good time with her. I eventually ghosted and blocked
Lena lives in the dorm building next to mine, which is the dorm where one of my friends lives; we were walking into the building and ran into Lena in the lobby. She looked pissed at me, but my friend and I just kept walking.
One of my other friends told me that Lena “being 20 and mad about a one-sided situationship with an 18-year-old is embarrassing,” but what do you guys think?
| FTM with a MTF. Almost like being straight with extra steps |
AITAH for not helping others? | I work at a manufacturing company as a Project Coordinator and I have about 15 projects im currently. Everyone day i come in an hour early to answer emails and get caught up on aspect of each project. Lately I've been good at staying organized and being on top of things to the point, im usually waiting for replies from customers or other departments. So I decided to turn showing on my phone to play and I listen with a ear bud in just to have noise playing in the background. Coworker will walk by and to them it seems im not working and just laid back and now they are made cause im not running around stressed like them. Also, they are made i don't offer to take more off their plates. So AITAH for not offering to help a d just focusing on my work? In my defense they never ask me if I can help anyways. So why do I want to put more on plate? It's not my fault they don't come in early and organize better. I guess I could stop having a shoow play and pretend to look busier. | If you have time to relax maybe you don't have to come in quite so early any more. |
AITAH for telling my sister to move out after trying to help her leave a toxic family environment? | I (54F) grew up in a highly dysfunctional family with a mother who displayed long-term emotionally abusive and narcissistic behavior. For my own wellbeing, I went no contact with her about 20 years ago. My younger sister, Daisy (52F), remained living with her for decades.
As the years went by, my sister’s situation deteriorated. About a year ago, she asked for help leaving our mother’s house, and I agreed to support her so she could stabilize her life.
For roughly a year, I have financially supported her. This included paying for housing, monthly living expenses, and weekly therapy sessions. I also provided a small studio apartment that I own so she could live independently while working on therapy and job searching. This arrangement was always intended to be temporary. My husband and I live in a different apartment in the same building.
To give her a sense of contribution, I asked her to help care for my dogs twice a day. Over time, I noticed repeated boundary issues. She used one of my tablets without permission, used money intended for dog supplies for personal expenses, and moved my belongings in the studio apartment without asking. When I addressed these issues, her response escalated into emotional distress, including statements about feeling numb and having passive thoughts of wanting to die.
I also noticed that she spent most of her time isolated, watching streaming TV, with limited engagement in responsibilities or job searching.
Her presence began triggering childhood memories. When we were younger, there were incidents of physical violence toward me. I believed those behaviors were long in the past.
Several months ago, she borrowed my computer to log into her Google account for a therapy session and forgot to log out. I made the decision to access her account and read her therapy journal without her knowledge. I understand this was a breach of privacy, but what I read significantly changed my assessment of the situation.
In her journal, she described intense resentment toward me that predated my helping her. She framed me as someone who was always favored and whose life was made easy, despite my own history of abuse, financial hardship, and estrangement from our family. She also admitted that several acts of harm toward animals in childhood, which I had previously believed were accidental, were intentional. She explicitly wrote that she believed I would remove her from the apartment if I knew this.
After reading this, I no longer felt safe being alone with her. I developed severe anxiety, and my husband now insists that I not meet her privately. All interactions now happen in public or in writing.
We have decided that she can no longer stay in the studio apartment or have access to our home. I plan to ask her to return the keys and move out. I will cover transportation costs and the cost of sending her belongings to wherever she chooses to go. I will also continue paying for therapy and provide limited financial support for a short transition period, but I cannot continue housing her or being this involved.
I feel conflicted because I originally helped her leave an abusive environment, and this decision may result in her returning there. At the same time, continuing this arrangement no longer feels safe or sustainable.
AITAH for asking my sister to move out and stepping back after trying to help her leave a toxic family situation?
**TL;DR:**
I financially supported my sister for a year to help her leave our abusive mother, including housing and therapy. I later accessed her therapy journal without permission and learned she harbors long-standing resentment toward me and admitted to past intentional violence I was unaware of. I no longer feel safe and want her to move out while still offering limited transition support. AITAH? | Helping someone doesn’t mean sacrificing your own safety or mental health forever. You tried. She crossed boundaries repeatedly and the journal stuff is genuinely scary. It’s okay to step back before things get worse. |
AITAH for wanting space from my friend | Me (f22) and my roommate (f21) are having a big disagreement.
For context we have been roommates for almost two years. Our other two roommates (f 21 and f21) left for clinicals back home so its just been friend A and I. Friend A and I have been friends for almost three years now so we are pretty close. However being alone with her for the past couple weeks while school is starting is becoming overwhelming. She is upset I want to spend time with my boyfriend of about a couple months to get to know him better. He lives down the street so I can see him any time which is nice. She just got out of a relationship and has been sensitive when it comes to me and my relationship. She never wants him to steal me from her while she is upset about her breakup. She feels jealous and hostile when it comes to him bc im just happy.
Our disagreement is she is wanting all of my time and only wanting me to spend time with her and not using her other resources while dealing w her breakup. Its been almost a week since it occured and I've been there and supportive. My boyfriend sent me ice cream and has not been over bc i was having a bad day but does not want to make friend A uncomfortable. She gets upset when i talk to him and peaks over my shoulder. She has been putting me on blast to our other two roommates (b and C) acting as though i havent been there for her when I have dropped things constantly for her.
I feel like a bad friend for getting upset and overwhelmed. But im starting to need some space from her because I cant be her only source of support when I have other friends and other things to do besides only be with her. I feel isolated and I want to see my boyfriend but she just wont let me.
Can anyone give some advice on how to talk to her about this and set some boundries so i can still support her through her breakup (their relationship lasted a month for context) while also making time for my other priorities? | NTA. She won't "let you" see your other friends and boyfriend? Ah, no.
You don't owe her any more time than you give anyone else, and for her to say she owns your time is ridiculous.
Be a strong independent woman and tell this friend she acting like a child and to grow up.
Let friends B & C know what's up too |
WIBTAH if I dont rehome my guinea pig to someone over the animals gender? | Im trying to rehome my now solo male guinea pig, as his brother passed suddenly and I do not have the time or ability to socialize him and give him the level of attention he needs as a solo pig, especially now that im living in a studio apartment with my high prey drive dog. ( i used to live with my parents in a large home where my dog didn't interact with them at all because they lived in different floors of the house)
A woman on Next-door responded to my post that shed like to take him in as she has a guinea pig that is also a solo. This sounded great but I asked to make sure her pig is also male because my boy has only ever lived with his brother so I never had him neutered. Her pig is a female and unspayed so I figured that was the end of that, no one wants to deal with accidental litters and I absolutely do not approve of backyard breeding of any species.
Well, now shes messaged me again saying she convinced her husband to let her take him in. But neither animal is sterilized and if she houses them together she will end up with a bunch of babies.
WIBTA if I didnt rehome him to her because I dont want them to end up breeding him, accidentally or not? | NTA, this is what a good person does in this type of situation |
So AITAH for refusing to drive for them??⁸ | So i am currently 23 years old. My family(including mom, dad, sister and me) never had a car. So from when i was 17 i always had to walk to my joint family function(which includes relatives, cousins etc). These cousins have cars, so they come in car and always have it easy. My family goes to function either by walking or bus. Now, these cousins and grandparents always talks in a way mocking us coming in bus. I absolutely hate them. No one ever gives me car ro drive and never cared about it. There is a girl cousin my age who drives. So they used to mock me by saying that that girl can drive while i cant.
The sad part is even at 23 yrs old, i have a bike but still doesnt have a car. Now, the cousins have gone abroad to study but their parents aka the relatives are now acting in a way asking me whether i will take the car infront of everyone knowing pretty well iam not experienced. Its like they will ask me and then one of them will say that they have never seen me drive so lets go in taxi.
So now i have rented a car and done some driving. So they saw me driving and decided to ask me to drop them back home after a function. They had seen me driving a car earlier. So, i told them that i dont know how to drive and refused to drive for them, took my bike and went home directly.
So AITAH here?? | Dude, in my country it's perfectly normal to go by public transport.
Even people who have cares often take public transport as it's more convenient in many cases (you don't need to find a parking spot).
Your extended family seem very low class in their behavior.
>So, i told them that i dont know how to drive and refused to drive for them
Lol. Good job.
I would stop going to functions with low class people who are just mocking you.
NTA |
WIBTAH: if I took my Bestie on a trip instead of my mom | For context: me(23f) and my mom(45) got into a fight because she had her bf(45) stay with us but the lease and everything was in my name and he overstayed his welcome and it was becoming a problem.
Our relationship has gotten a bit better now that we both live separate and have better boundaries with each other but it's not 100%
My mom this past Christmas was asking me if I wanted to do this scuba diving thing with her and I was like yeah sounds fun. She found these tickets on Groupon so then she sends me these tickets and is like Merry Christmas.
I was like "I thought you wanted to do this together?" And she was like "well yeah but you can take whoever you want." I mentioned I could bring my friend bc she loves the sea and sea creatures and my mom was like 'oh yeah you can do that too' kind of like not dismissive but like yeh whatever.
So now I'm trying to figure out if I would be the AH bc I took my friend instead of my mom bc it was my mom's idea in the first place for us two to go together. | Lowkey it’s a bit cold but u gotta be real with urself. going on a trip together when the vibes are already dead is just asking for a massive fight in a foreign country. save urself the drama and bring someone who actually makes u happy. u’re making the right call. |
Seperated, lied too, used. AITAH | This is a long one, I’ll do my best to keep it straight forward and sorted.
There is a preamble up to the the point of separation
Together 18 years, married 11, 3 kids, the youngest twins. Later realized I was anxious type, she was avoidant.
Starts after kid one, 2014, the talks on more children begin, I have many valid concerns, our house, our jobs, our location, our finances and most importantly the impact on the child we already have.(side note when child one was born she didn’t want her in a car seat in a truck so I bought and paid for a brand new car for her) her argument, she said in the past she wanted “kids” so I basically owe her, after one of these talks it’s cold shoulder zombie mode bs for the foreseeable future. It drives me insane. I do not get the vasectomy, I’m trying to see if we can advance to a point to make this viable for us. Our house is too small for more kids, she refuses to move or upgrade,
While she is off with kid one I suggest the possibility of schooling or other jobs which gets shut down immediately. She works in a factory, and a low paid one. After 20 years she could walk into a similar job and get a raise tomorrow, she likes her job, ok.
She is willing to do precisely dick all to help with more kids, but demands I give in, I do not.
When I have issues regarding sex or intimacy or connection I am shut down immediately, if I bring it up 3 times in 6 months I’m (throwing it in her face) even though nothing has even been discussed let alone resolved… she shuts down, never wants to “fight” but is happy to let my concerns fester constantly.
I try many different approaches, all with the same frustrating responses. Anger, shut down, or nothing.
So after a couple years she’s tells me she pregnant, we had only slept together a couple times over a weekend, and not for weeks before/after. She made me finish inside her.
Side note, when we started together she knew I liked to finish inside her mouth, and her swallow, she did it happily. One day she’s says she’s not doing it anymore because I “ like it too much” it stops for years and even after is occasionally at best.
So we go to ultrasound and tadaaa! Twins, spectacular. Fraternal twins so pregnant twice in days to a week. Pretty hard on birth control, spoiler alert, she stopped taking it properly, skipping days taking whenever… that goes to about 80%. Great. She decides to take the 18 months off in Canada meaning she might get under $200 a week. I take a second super high stress 24/7 on call job to make sure we get through the winters when it’s slow for my normal job.
The other issue is now I have to remortgage house and dump 50,000 to fit bedrooms and bathroom in basement to fit all the kids, another huge blow that only I pay for.
This will be insanely tough for me then doing everything at home with newborn twins… it’s a lot, I do everything I can. She will not budge on upgrading from our starter home, looking for courses online, seeking higher paying employment or even moving somewhere that would put us both way closer to work. I drive 1 hr 10 min each way at least.
Covid starts, I haven’t been much of a drinker for 10+ years, couple after work, no issue, my grandfather dies, no worries, then my mom gets sick and dies in 2 weeks from cancer, I was raised by a single parent and devastated by this, I have all my own traumas and had dealt with ok forever but this broke me, I would occasionally drink too much and all the resentment from the unsolved issues would come forward, even after I was sober, or sober for 3-4 months at a time per her request not one thing changed. It was a cycle at that point… I guess she gave up on me in early 2024 and on our wedding anniversary told me she doesn’t want to be with me anymore…
I lost it, I couldn’t believe it… I gave everything to this woman, I put all my needs aside for hers, I was always there to let her have days or weekends to practice self care she refused, we went to couples therapy just before and I tried everything she told us to help communicate, she was just pissy she didn’t get her way, refused to try anything, it was a joke.
Now I see my kids 1-2 a week, she lives with her parents with the kids. She moved out the day she physically assaulted me multiple times…
I have apologized for anything and everything, asked for a chance to fix things etc.. nothing, so I eventually snapped and said every mean thing I could over text, it’s immature but it was my only outlet.
That day she hits me her family calls cops, they go to her parents house… never talk to me.
Christmas Eve I was supposed to have my kids until Christmas morning, she bails and I wake up to no one, it’s too much. I had stayed around for the kids until then but almost ended it Christmas morning. 4 hours later she shows with the kids at 11am to do presents..
Her mom calls the cops on me “out of concern”
Not at 730am when it happens but at 12pm in front of my kids…
So I deal with them for 2 hours then get a call
from CAs…
I never say a word about what was done to me, either time, not so much as a thank you or acknowledgement I saved her ass.
I did what I could, funny 2 years ago when she was 220lbs still from the twins I never once complained, even though it affected our lives, mostly her self image. But a couple years of ozympic my union pays for and she’s down to ribs and nubs and now she leaves? lol not suspicious at all.
It’s just too much, I’m trying to move on but it’s really hard after half your life, never hearing your kids come out yelling daddy daddy. I will get there, I’m in therapy, I’m working on myself. But was I the Ah? | NTA your wife seemed like a really manipulative, two faced, narcissistic sea hag
Wish you the best … give yourself time and prioritise yourself |
AITAH for not wanting to leave a study room | My college has study rooms you can reserve, but today I found a room that wasn’t slated to be used until 11:00 am so I decided to sit in there. I was planning on staying in there until whoever was supposed to come in kicks me out. Here’s the thing though, when reserving a room, the rules state you have to be there within a grace period of 15 minutes after the revelation time you made. If you come after that, you are no longer owed or guaranteed that room. Basically, if someone else is in there, they can tell you no because you’ve forfeited your reservation by being late. Now come around 11:20 as I’m sitting in this study room and I’m at the point where I’m no longer preparing to leave the room because whoever signed up for the 11 am slot is 5 minutes over the grace period so I technically don’t have to leave. But of course two minute later, two girls open the door and tell me they have a “reservation.” To be honest, I was really not in a good mood so this really pissed me off because you DONT have a reservation anymore if your passed the grace period. Like that’s not my problem. I say “okay” though in a flat/pissed tone and pack up my things and as I’m packing they’re just fucking watching me which is another one of my pet peeves because first you ask for the room after passing the 15 minute grace period which is literally mentioned in your reservation and now your gonna watch me as I pack up like I did something wrong. Fuck, it pisses me off so bad. Whatever, I pack up and as I get to the door, I double check their reservation since it’s posted on the front door and just as I thought it says 11:00 am. At that point I really want to tell them that for future reference, I or someone else does not have to give them the room if they’re 15 minutes late, but I was too lazy to confront them so I just smiled passive aggressively and sped walk past them cause I was pissed. I’m asking if maybe I was the asshole in the situation since I guess 22 minutes is “only” 7 minutes after the grace period and that maybe it wouldn’t have hurt for me to just be nice about it. They did say sorry as I left, but I don’t think it was about being late, that’s just what everyone says whenever they “kick out” a person in a study room.
TLDR: I was in a study room at my uni, and there was a reservation for the room at 11am. They come in 22 minutes late, which is 7 minutes over the grace period they’re allowed to be late before they lose their reservation. I got pissed and have them a hard time. Aitah? | I’m getting the vibe that this meant a lot more to you than the study room, I’m guessing because there’s other stuff going on, like you said you’re not in the best mood. Sometimes I catch myself reacting negatively to a minor inconvenience more harshly because I’m not in a good mood. I would say they are in the wrong and being annoying, but also that this isn’t serious enough to cause an issue. With my luck they would be someone important I meet next semester and I’ve already made a bad first impression. |
AITAH for telling my dad I will clean my room after im done with homework? | Im (17F) and my dad is (64M), I just got home from a practice. I walk in the door and talk to my mom (53F) for a little. Things are fine, I start my chores while they sit down and talk. There talking gets little heated because my mom was upset about something at work. After they stop talking, I am done with my chores and sit down to do homework, My dad looks at me and says "You didn't take out the trash last night" I said back "I just did, sorry about that" He sneered and told me it needed to be taken out everyday.) I have 4 trashcans in my house, two small, two big, my dogs poop in the house sometimes because my dad can't be bothered to let them out.I pick up the poop and throw it away into one of the big trashcans. SO the trash gets to smelling bad after that day So i take it out. BUT my dad says im wasting trashbags by waiting till the trash is full. HE wants me to put all the trash into ONE bag and leave the others so we can use them. Our bags arn't scented. THEY still stink like poop after I take the poop out then he yells at me for it.) After this I went to do my homework because he is mad i have a C in Chem. The rule in my house is that all chores come before homework. WELL my room is a little messy. He storms into it as I am doing Chem and tells me why I didn't clean it. I tell him I will after because I really need do to this Chem and he yells at me. Telling me that Im not following the rules, I can just stay up later, when I stay up later he yells at me that im not getting enough sleep and shames me for being tired the next day saying I must be staying up doing something or sneaking out. I tired telling him this cycle of what he is doing is putting a lot of stress on me but he told me "Your young, your meant to be able to stay up late and wake up early, or not sleep at all". I don't say anything else because I know it will just make things worse, He also said he found poop behind the couch so I couldn't of swept, It was fresh, it felt it, It was hot and smushy. my mom steps in and asks "Whats all the yelling for?" my dad bursts into a rant about how I am not doing anything right and he has to remind me to EVERYTHING for the past 4 years, (Im adpoted and have only been in this house for four years) They get into arugment again and my mom says "You yelling at her every 10 seconds is a trigger, i might as well move back in with my mother and step-dad" My dad yells back "go ahead" my moms mother is dead, has been for years. He knows this. They keep going for a while and then my mom storms upstairs. My dad thinks he is in the right because my mom is overreacting, I think he is in the wrong but don't wanna speak up. My dad blames me for the fight and has grounded be for another week. | NTAH. I think this sounds less about chores and more about constantly moving expectations and being blamed for things you can’t realistically control. |
AITAH for telling my sister I don't want to hear about her pregnancy? | My sister (31F) has been trying to get pregnant this whole past year. Throughout that whole time, she has also confided in me that she is unsure about her fiance and that she feels she has faced borderline mental abuse the past 3 years being with him.
This is recurring. She has sent me loadssss of negative pregnancy test pictures and then has also had mannnny phone conversations of her confiding with me about her fiance. So there has been a ton of back and forth where I try to support her wanting to be pregnant, but the more I hear about fiance, I don't support the relationship she keeps bringing up to me.
Well, finally this morning she sent me another pregnancy test and said she thinks this is it but maybe God just hates her. I did not see a second line, however I told her that I couldn't support her this time seeing as how just yesterday she was telling me for hours how unwelcomed her finances family makes her feel and how he doesn't really value her or her opinions and she wants to leave.
So I told her something along the lines of I couldn't support her planning to leave the father while still actively trying to get pregnant at the same time and maybe since she is so undecided with him and his family that maybe this is more her sign and it's not God hating her.
She apologized for telling me about the test and then withdrew herself from the conversation and isn't talking to me now. AITAH?
Tldr;
AITAH for not being supportive of my sisters decision to get pregnant with her fiance when she always confides in me that she wants to leave him because he is narcissistic and verbally abusive to her? | NTA.. You’re not judging her, you’re protecting yourself and being honest. Supporting her pregnancy while she’s in a toxic, unstable relationship would feel disingenuous. It’s okay to set boundaries and step back when it’s too much to handle |
WIBTAH for wanting to confront my friends of over 10 years or am I overthinking? | There are many things I want to say so I'm sorry in advance. I am a 25F and I only have like four close (only) friends. My family has certain opinions on them so I know to some extent I'm not overthinking things but I want an outside perspective.
Background context: Three of the friends are sisters. Sister A is my age, Sister B is two years younger, and then Sister C is four years younger than me. The last girl I am friends with I'll call Friend D (also the same age as me). Sister A and Friend D have been friends since elementary school (and by extension Sister B and Sister C too) and their families are close. I only joined the group in like 8th grade.
I had noticed some issues I had with Sister A when I was a senior in high school, not big problems, but more things that were a little strange and bothered me that really aren't a big deal. Sister A had pushed this relationship dynamic between us where I could go to her with anything (I had a lot I was struggling with in high school). Although I didn't go into a lot of detail with her, something we started was if I was having a bad day I could text her "Tell me something good" and she was say anything like the sun is shining, to I had some good pizza today, or that she cares for me. It honestly really helped me. But then one day she told me she didn't have the mental capacity to do this anymore. Which I told her was totally fine and it was. I didn't want to burden her, that's why I never gave her details anyways. But I was hurt that she didn't feel like she could come to me (I was always telling her that I'm here for her too and wanted to talk but she never did).
Then when we got to college (fall 2019), Sister A, Friend D, and I were going to be sharing an apartment. Sister A and Friend D roomed together and then I got paired with a random girl in the other room. I didn't care too much since they had been friends longer and I thought we all would still hangout. But nope. Sister A was having a tough time away from home and iced me out. She would only really talk to Friend D and hardly ever left her room, unless she was doing something with a random friend from class. There were random days when she would include me but it felt weird. I spent most of my time alone. And on my birthday, all I wanted to do was to spend the day with them, eat some food, and watch a movie. But instead I made breakfast for myself with no sign of Sister A or Friend D coming out of their room before we went to church (my birthday was on a Sunday), which was already a sad start. Then I find out later Sister A was going to make dinner for my birthday (which I was so grateful for) but she also invited like 5 other people from church/classes over to join which I wasn't prepared for since I hardly talked with them and only saw them once a week. So that sucked and my birthday felt more like show that year.
Sister A went out of the country for almost 2 years in 2021 (she only did one semester of college then went home for context (Friend D and I got really close during this time)). Now a little background for this next part, in 2020 I watched a kpop survival show to make a new boy group. I had enjoyed the show (my friends got me into kpop) and the group's music when they debuted. So I told the four girls they should check it out. Only Sister B and Sister C liked them, so we would listen to their music and watch their mvs when I was home. The next time something weird happened was in 2022. I had graduated college and was working back at home. Then one night I get a group facetime call with Sister B and Friend D. Sister B and Sister C were on the standing floor of the boy group's concert. I hadn't even known they were on tour, much less did either sister mention that they were going. They didn't have to invite me and it wasn't like I thought they owed me since I introduced them to the group but I wish they mentioned something about going. I brushed it off, whatever right?
Now it's fall 2023. Sister A is back home and Sister B is now out of the country for almost 2 years (this is church related btw). There is another concert and Sister C is begging me to go with her since Sister B is gone. I didn't have the money for an expensive seat since this was like a month before the concert, so I said my budget and I'm pretty sure Sister C covered the rest for the tickets she wanted but didn't tell me which I was grateful for but also felt weird about. Sister C and Friend D were going to be in college (I graduated) and would fly and meet us (Sister A and her mom and me were driving) in the city where the concert was. I was very excited.
The whole trip was a mess. Not only did no one tell me my share of the hotel or food or anything but apparently Friend D didn't have the money for the flight ticket and Sister C had already bought their plane tickets before checking and they were nonrefundable so she felt like she had to go. The only thing I had said I wanted this entire trip was to get merch. That was it and I said it so many times that if they didn't hear me, they must be deaf. So as you can image I was getting stressed when 3 hours before doors opened they wanted to go to a mall and we didn't leave said mall until 2 hours before doors opened and that was because I was pushing them to leave. I'm dying inside and Friend D can tell. So we get back to the hotel and I get ready super fast. Sister A is helping C get ready since only the two of us of going to the concert and she's taking forever. I end up waiting about an hour for her to finish. By the time we get to the concert the doors had been open for 30 minutes already and we still have to wait in line. Sister C agrees to immediately find a merch line and wait with me until the concert starts. We wait in line until 5 minutes before the concert starts and we hear a girl say they have nothing at the merch table left (there were only 2 inside and one outside the venue). So there was no point waiting and I'm frustrated but excited for the group. I text in our group chat to ask if they can check if the merch table outside has anything since it would be open after and they were picking us up. Like 30 minutes before the concert is over Sister A texts that she got something and she was really excited to show us. Silly me, I thought it was something from the merch table since that's all I've talked about. Nope, she bought herself a Stetson cowboy hat.
March 2024. I find out late that the boy group is adding more shows to their tour. As soon as I find out I text in the group chat that if there's still tickets we should go. The response I get is that Sister A, B, and C already all have tickets to go together. Yet again, no one mentioned it to me. I debated asking Friend D if she wanted to join me but the concert was on her birthday in May and she always spends the day with her family and doesn't really like the group. I decided fuck it, I'll go by myself. My dad drove with me and honestly I had a blast. I only saw the sisters when I sat down (they were one section over from me) and when we took a photo outside after.
Like 6 months later I find out over lunch with Friend D that Sister A had texted her if she wanted to go to a concert on her birthday (said previous concert) and then a couple days later said nevermind it'll be a girls trip for the sisters. But like, Friend D doesn't even listen to the group and they never texted me about it. Now this, I know this is weird. So after this I went to two more concerts by other artists in 2024 by myself and I went to see the boy group again in 2025 and didn't say a word because obviously I was only invited the one time since Sister B wasn't there and never again.
Now for years I've talked about teaching English in Korea. I had to back out previously since my grandparents got sick. But fall of 2025 I was going. I find out a couple of months beforehand that Sister B is going as well, never before mentioned she was interested but that's fine. So we're both here. There was a holiday break in October and we made plans for me to travel to stay with her and hangout for a week. I had let her know all the dates and times like when I was arriving like 3 weeks before. Secretly I was hoping she would pick me up at the train station but didn't expect it since her place is like 90 minutes away. She gave me her address and I had told her when I arrived. Then I texted her when I got off the subway near her place. Only for her to call me and say she's an hour away in a different neighborhood with some friends (this being only 30 minutes from the train station). So over the phone she's telling me how to get into her place and keeps talking to the people she's with forgetting I don't have any of the information. So it was a struggle. I arrive and assume because she said she's an hour away that meant she was on her way back. I ended up waiting almost 2.5 hours for her to get back just sitting in her apartment by myself since I was exhausted from traveling and didn't know the area. Honestly this whole trip was a mess but that's another story.
Now, Christmas 2025. I was going to be in her city on the 20th getting my hair done and asked if I could stay at hers for 1-2 tonights since I had to be back to work on Monday. She said no because Sister A was coming to visit for Christmas and she didn't have room. Totally fair. But why did no one tell me Sister A was going to be in the same country? Idk I thought friends would mention that, silly me. And I say no problem that's so fun and that's it. I wasn't going to invite myself into their plans and she didn't say anything more. So I text Sister A a couple days later that I heard she's going to be in Korea and how exciting that is and that I'm going to be in the same city for that weekend because I was getting my hair done and wanted to do some Christmas light seeing and shopping at popups. We talked a little and then I texted her day of her flight to wish her a safe flight. Kinda the end so I really didn't assume any plans were happening. Whatever that's fine, *totally* didn't hurt. Like the Wednesday before, Sister A texts me that we should meet up for a meal maybe. I tell her totally!, because we haven't seen each other in months. I tell her dinner is best because I'll be moving around a ton during the day to hit everything on my list and my hair appointment is at 5. I ask her where they're going to be that evening and she tells me it's the same neighborhood as my Airbnb so my brain is like perfect! We'll just meet there for dinner. I do warn her that my appointment will probably be done around 7 and then I'll have to take the subway for like 30ish minutes back to the right neighborhood so it'll be a **late** dinner. I'm excited so I'm texting all day (mostly her since she is the one who asked to meet up but also in the bigger groupchat).
This is where I was hurt. My hair appointment finished a little early, like 6:30, so I immediately start heading back. At 6:45 Sister B calls me and asks how much longer my appointment is. I'm a little confused but I tell her I'm on my way back. Sister B then asks how far away I am because they're getting hungry and if it'll be a while they'll "make other plans". I'm sorry, what? I gave advance notice it'd be a late dinner/meet up and this is literally the only time we could hangout before Sister A leaves again. When I visited her before sometimes we didn't eat until 8 pm. And my appointment is done early! I almost said fine, I'll get my own dinner then, but I didn't because I'm a scaredy cat. I answer and she says okay and then she says "so do you want your shirt?" Now I'm not only hurt and upset, but I'm confused. I ask what? and she goes, oh I was talking to my friend. So now there's someone else joining us and no one mentioned it... awesome. Love that I'm not getting any information at all. We hang up and we finally meet up. I'm feeling weird but excited to see Sister A again.
We decide (Sister B's friend suggests and Sister B agrees) that we get hotpot which is fine. I just don't think it's a great meal when you're starving like we all were because it can get pricy and takes time but I didn't want to complain since I felt so grateful that they didn't "make other plans". So we get food, it was kinda pricy and it's time to pay. I'm at the back of the line at the register and they start to say pay separate, which I prefer. As I'm pulling my card out, Sister B's coworker/friend says all together, we can figure out paying back later and gives her card. I'm like..... huh?? Immediately I'm like okay so how do you want me to pay you back? She says she doesn't care, that Sister B could just pay her and I could send money to Sister B. So I ask Sister B how and she kinda brushes me off and I'm like do you want me to venmo you since that's what we did before. She goes no.... then it's in USD and I don't want to have to deal with the conversions and stuff. That's fair, so I'm like how do you want it then. She just goes we'll figure it out later. So I turn to the coworker/friend and I say I have the money in cash and I'll just give it to you now. She goes no... you can just pay Sister B back later. Is it wrong to be confused??? We walked around a bit and they were suggesting to go to a karaoke place but I told them I had to dip since it was near 10:30 and I had been up since 5 traveling. So we say goodbye and that's it for the night.
Only then for two days later while I'm at work, Sister B texts me a bank account number and total and says this is her coworker/friend's bank account so I can send the money. Nothing else. Not a, I was glad to see you or nada. And I'm frustrated. Like I feel like the last priority. Not saying I need to be number one or anything, but I felt like an afterthought. When I visited Sister B in October she also kept inviting her friends that idk to a bunch of stuff without asking me. And it's not like I would say no, but there was no consideration. And then it was the only time I would see Sister A in a year and there was a stranger there? I'm obviously not going to talk about things I would if it was just the three of us. I just feel so confused.
There's a ton of other small things I could talk about and other context but this post is already too long and too much information. But like I said I want an outside perspective since whenever I give my family updates, my sister and grandma get super mad for me and tell me I need to talk to them. But like 3/5 of our friend group are sisters and they have been friends with Friend D way longer than I have so I'm worried what will happen if I do and the conversation goes bad. I know I'm not the best friend, but I've been working on where I think I'm lacking to be better. But stuff like this has been happening for years. What should I do? WIBTAH if I confronted them or am I overreacting? | You are absolutely not overreacting. The whole situation sounds frustrating as hell. I totally get why you’re torn about confronting them, but you’ve been putting up with this for so long, and it’s clearly bugging you. If they’re really your friends, they’ll listen and hopefully understand where you’re coming from. |
AITAH for not wanting a relationship with my older brother | I,(15F), have recently decided to not have a relationship with my older brother,(27M).
Some background information, me and my brother grew up with my narcissistic and abusive dad(we have different dads). My parents divorced when I was 6, and when my brother was 19.
Throughout my life, my brother and I have always been close, which makes this hard. He has always been rough, which I always thought that was how brothers are. As I grew older though, he became more rough and aggressive but would brush it off as just “rough housing”. When I was 10, he would often yell at me, then become super sweet, confusing me. As I continued to get older, this would happen almost everyday, and always when my mom wasn’t there or busy.
Around my 12th birthday, he moved out, got a girlfriend, and stopped visiting for a while, until about a year later, when he moved back into our mom’s house, due to financial issues. It was pretty awkward seeing him everyday, but I would mostly be at school, so there wasn’t really any problems. Around my 13th birthday, he began to “wrestle” me, where he would throw me on the ground, trust my arm, or something along those lines. This would cause me to get marks on my arms and bruises in my legs and hands. I would try to hide in my room, but he broke my door handle, and would bang his body against the door until it would open. This was when I started to become anxious, and sort of scared. Around this time, he also started to have a weed and alcohol problem. He would often come home drunk, and either cry to me about his girlfriend, or get mad and yell at me for something, over all being either sad or very aggressive.
We recently moved, and my brother stopped with the physically abusive stuff, switching over to fat shaming me(even though I’m not fat), and calling me names like fatty and ugly. This started to really hurt my confidence, and even make my mental health weaken.
Two days ago, my mom and his now fiancé got into an argument about the guest list for their wedding. My mom is paying for the wedding, and had out the deposit for 200 people. My brother’s fiancé wanted to add more people, causing them to argue about money. Later my brother argued with our mom over the guest list on his fiancee behalf. He asked me if I lived his fiancé and if she was right. I told him I lived his fiancé but she was not right. Later on, he came to my room, drunk. He was very aggressive, and started to yell at me, saying how I don’t support him, and how I was giving our mom ammunition to hurt him. He become more angry and aggressive, scaring me into a panic attack. I told him to leave since I was scared, making him yell more. I called my mom, and she came down and he left. Later that night, I was in my moms room crying and shaking as she comforted me, and when she went out of the room to turn the heater off, he was in the hallway, listening to our conversation. He then yelled at my mom, and they got into a screaming match, ending with him cussing her out, punching the walls, and leaving, all while being drunk.
Now, he is moving out, and me and my mom are at my grandmas house until he leaves.
So, am I the A hole?
P.S. please comment and tell me any advice you have with how to go forward (yes, this is true) | NTA. You’re a minor and your brother has been emotionally and physically abusive toward you for years. Wanting distance from someone who hurts you is not cruel, it’s self-preservation. None of this is your fault, and you did not “cause” his behavior by telling the truth. Please prioritize your safety and mental health, and lean on your mom and grandma for support. If you can, talk to a school counselor or another trusted adult. You deserve to feel safe in your own home. |
AITAH For Assuming Spanish was Someone’s Preferred Language | I feel incredibly insensitive and mortified right now. I am a high schooler helping out at a preschool and I’ve been studying Spanish for a few years now. I’m no master, but I speak with a lot of the kids who do not understand English fairly well. I was with a rather unruly kid today who was curious about two guys working on fixing the fence by the playground. I told the kid we could look but to allow them to do their job. I ended up getting pretty close to the guys and they were speaking in Spanish to each other, so when I shared an awkward look with one of them because I’m just standing there, kid in hand, I just quietly went “Lo siento.” He then popped out with perfect english and started chatting with me about my Spanish skills. I said I had been studying a while now and understood enough to speak with the little ones and get by okay.
Maybe I’m being too sensitive, I don’t know. I just switch around to whatever language I hear kids talking in because my school district has a fairly large Spanish-speaking population, and I don’t want the kids to feel like they can’t communicate their needs. AITAH for making an assumption in this case? I did hear them speaking Spanish before, but obviously that shouldn’t be an indicator that they don’t speak English, so I just feel like a jerk for not even asking. | NTA
You're making too much out of nothing. If anything he sounded glad to see a teen speak his language. |
WIBTAH for cutting of my family after realizing they don't like me? | Hi, I'm currently 26F and these past 3 months I realized my family don't like me but are too chicken shit to admit it. I always knew deep down my mother never liked me even when I was a kid, she would call me names, disowned me once simply because I was failing in school etc.
She has a ton of health issues now so I've been taking care of her these past 8 years basically since I was 19. I feel like I missed out on life because of her but due to my own faults too.
I want to move out very soon, I don't feel like I have the money to stay afloat but I can't take another year.
Anyway, it seems her condition is getting worse and a relative of mine keep saying that's your mother and if she died right now I would be crying and wouldn't be able to sleep for days. I told them well what about me? Im supposed to keep sacrificing my life for her? I'm 26 going on 27 and haven't did anything with my life, no friends no life experiences absolutely nothing just in a house all day with someone that if they were 100% healthy would kick me out and never talk to me again. It was just in one ear and out the other,
I also have a sibling that does not like me either, don't like being told what to do and thing I'm scum, even though I do everything around the house. This past month I came to the realization I'm the black sheep in my family and I guess I'm supposed to sacrifice my happiness to make others happy. I always felt that way but this past month it really hit me.
I've been wanting to cut off my mother since I was a kid, I have a lot of built up resentment towards her I guess. But now with all she's going through I would be wrong for just leaving and never talking to her or any of my family again?
I have to cut off everyone because since I'm the black sheep and everyone thinks I'm slow af for some reason. As soon as a move out everyone is going to guilt trip me to stay.
WIBTAH for cutting them off with no guilt or shame? I also think since I have years of resentment towards my mother that God might punish me with her same health issues or I'll die when I move out and never got to live the life I wanted to life as karma for leaving her. I ask God all the years I sacrificed was enough right? I shouldn't be punished for wanting to have a life of my own and not wake up or go to bed angry every day.
I also think my family knows I have a heart so it easy for them to guilt me into doing things or one of my relatives like to tell me god going to get ne
TLDR: My family hates me and won't admit because they want to use me, I have a lot of resentment towards my family and want to live a life without them but I'm scared I maybe punished by God or Karma because I'm leaving my unhealthy mother and not looking back | NTA. You’re not obligated to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm, even if they’re family. Caregiving for eight years starting at 19 is huge, and it sounds like it came with emotional abuse and guilt-tripping on top of it. Wanting a life of your own doesn’t make you selfish or cruel. You can have compassion for your mother’s illness while still recognizing that staying is destroying you. Boundaries aren’t abandonment. Also, the fear of God or karma punishing you is something people use to control others — it’s not how life actually works. You’re allowed to leave and still be a good person. |
AITAH for being pushy with my (16f) boyfriend (17f) to hang out? | sorry for any formatting and the typo on 17m, i’ve never posted before.
okay so a little background, my families power went out yesterday because we’re pretty tight on money right now and aren’t able to pay all of our bills. i’ve been looking for any sort of excuse to get out of the house, it’s cold, it’s dark, and it’s too quiet. we haven’t actually hung out in over two weeks, which doesn’t seem like a long time but it’s really rare for us to see each other (he dropped out, and i’m still in school). he asked me when i was free next because we miss each other, i said that i was free on wednesday (today) and over the weekend (sundays are typically family days as we are religious but i wouldn’t mind spending that time with him). he chose to hang out on Wednesday. tuesday rolls around and im really excited to see him, but we don’t make solid plans as he’s kinda a spontaneous person, it’s nearly impossible to make plans with him. next day, my school gets a bomb threat, i’m a very anxious person so this sends me into a funky mood. later in the day we’re given the “all clear”, but then we received a SHOOTING THREAT? our school has been shot up before, so we have to take these extra seriously. we still aren’t allowed to go home but i don’t care cuz i only had half a class left. i went home early, and texted him. i started hinting at what he’s up to, and that he should totally go to the mall near my house, he only lives about a mile and a half from that mall as well. i didn’t want him to come here, because i don’t want him seeing that we’re too poor to afford power, it’s degrading. i don’t want his light on me to shift into “oh my god im dating a broke girl!”. i started asking him more and more, his excuse was “oh the dog is sleeping on me i can’t!!” or “well now the cat is on me too and we’re cuddling:(“
i was continuously pushy, maybe i should’ve just taken the hint. then about an hour or so passes and he sends me a pic of the cat, so i responded with “SEE THE CATS NOT ON YOU SO YOU DONT HAVE AN EXCUSE!”, he just said “meanie! why don’t you come over here!”. i cannot go over there because A. i can’t afford a car nor drivers ed. B. last time i was over there his mother decided that i was a thief, who wants to steal her rent money, and snoop through her jewelry. you wanna know why she said that? because i got her a christmas gift. i bought her a NARS blush, and a perfume. i mentioned to him that “i hope she likes what i got her, i didn’t know what scents she likes and her room was no help lol!” (he was giving me a house tour so i was in her room briefly.) So i really don’t want to go over there, and he can’t come here. i asked for a real reason on why he doesn’t want to see me, and i wont be mad.
he just said “Cuz im eating food and my mom gets off of work in an hour, she wants me to wait to take the dog on a walk with her”. He then asked if i work tomorrow. I don’t, but thats cuz i got laid off due to overstaffing after the holiday season. So i can’t help with bills due to my lack of income! But he doesn’t even know i got laid off, nor my financial status. i said that i dont work tomorrow, and he asked “Why don’t we just hang out tomorrow then?”. First of all, ive never worked thursdays? I have a club on that day that i help manage. My club management is super important because i dream to get into a good college, and you need that on your applications! i showed him to our original conversation texts, where i said i can’t do thursdays. he then was “Ah i forgot!”. Like?? You picked the day?? now he’s not responding and i just want a reason to get out of my house, i don’t want to look like some loser with no friends, but im also kind of upset with him. it feels wrong of me to be but i am. why pick a day that doesn’t work for you? i even got home early for him, i did my hair, im in a cute outfit, my makeup is perfect, i just don’t get it. i offered to buy him food so he wouldn’t have to pay (ive some money in my savings). im just so overwhelmed and need to go SOMEWHERE. | NTAH. This really reads like 2 overwhelmed teens missing each other and talking past one another and it’s understandable you felt hurt when you built your whole day around plans that never quite solidified. |
AITAH for not offering guests drinks? | I (33F) am American and my husband (35M) is Korean. We have been married one year. A few months ago, my in-laws visited from Korea and stayed with us in our new house in the US. They recently (months later) told my husband that they were surprised by my lack of hospitality during their visit. They mentioned that the least I could've done was wake up before them and offer them coffee or other beverages. They felt that even among Americans, offering beverages is the bare minimum.
This topic of me not offering beverages to visitors to our house has come up a few times since then. My husband wonders why I don't offer drinks or snacks to people who come to our house. He always offers a drink or snack, not just to friends or family but also to people we've hired for repair work, etc. Even if the person is a stranger and in our house for less than 30 minutes, he offers. To him, it's basic politeness.
I don't know if I just lack manners, or if it's because I'm very introverted and don't much enjoy having any guests at all, but offering refreshments has never occurred to me, unless I specifically invited them over for a meal/drinks. If I visit someone's house, I don't expect to be offered a beverage, and I don't think the person whose house I'm visiting is being rude by not offering. So now I'm wondering, is this just a cultural difference, or AITAH for not offering refreshments to guests? | I wouldn't say YTA exactly but at this point you're obviously just choosing not to offer drinks to guests, since it's been pointed out to you multiple times |
AITAH for what I said abt my coworker's botox use? | I wanted to hear if you guys think what I said was harsh.
Me (26f) and a 5 of my coworkers (all f between 30-50) had a conversation abt skincare at lunch (i was complaining that I can't use most of it bc my skin is really sensitive, and they were trying to give me advice). Eventually they start talking abt anti-aging and cosmetic procedures.
One of my coworkers (Anna, 38f) says she thinks most procedures are too obvious and actually age the face- bc people can tell when someone is using them and automatically assume that person is older. She brings up fillers and Botox.
Another coworker (Celia, 44f) says that's not true- says she's been using Botox for years & noone can tell/ she hasn't had the weird frozen face like celebs bc she's "careful" with the dosage.
Anna and Celia start arguing- Anna claims she 'knew' Celia's face looks weird (I think just to save face bc she previously claimed she could always spot a botox user)
It turns into a whole big discusion that I was trying to stay out of, but then Celia asked me directly what I think- Does she look like she uses Botox?
And I said I had no idea- I said I never would have guessed she gets regular botox, her face doesn't look frozen and weird at all, she just looks like a normal mid 40s woman. (Another one of our coworkers agreed with me)
Which I guess is where I insulted her. Because she's been spending $$$ (she didn't say an amount, but I guess it's significant) on botox every 4-6 months for the last decade and a half and I told her she looks perfectly her age (i think whatever 'careful' dose she uses is just too low to have a real effect- positive or negative). She lost it on us, calling us jealous cows and accusing us of lying (and insulting our appearances & making fun of me specifically by saying I wouldn't be able to afford botox)?
That whole thing happened just before our holiday break (the entire office closes down for 1 1/2 weeks during christmas/new years) and hasn't come up since, but the atmosphere has kinda changed- Celia is a lot more distant from the team and I think I should apologize, but
a) I was giving my honest opinion
b) during her melt down some of the things Celia said hurt my feelings quite a bit so even if my statement hurt her, I'm not sure I want to say sorry. | ESH for this inappropriate conversation at work. |
AITAH not letting my girlfriend drop out of college? | I (22F) and my girlfriend (25F) are both in our final year of uni, 5 months away from finishing up our degrees.
5 years into the program, my gf decided she doesn’t like the topic she’s studying at all and feels very depressed and directionless in it. I understand this because I also had a career/major change later in my academic career.
For the past 2+ years my girlfriend and I have been living together while in college. For the past year and half we raised a kitten together, who practically was our son.
Our cat passed away this past week, leaving us both very distressed and depressed. We are holding ourselves together by the threads.
Because of this and because of her hating her degree before our cat’s passing, the incident took a big toll on my gf’s mental health. For the past 2 weeks she has been living alone in our apartment as her flight came in before mine—which made it worse.
She decided in this time that she wants to drop out of school and travel abroad instead of finishing her degree. I think this is a bad idea for 2 reasons:
1. It would look very bad on paper. She is 25 and still finishing up her undergraduate degree (for very valid personal reasons) but this is quite atypical and I don’t think taking yet another year off school would look good for her. This would be her 3rd time dropping out and moving back home mid-year because of her mental health.
1. I would be a complete wreck if she left. We made the decision to live 20 minute drive away from campus together to accommodate our cat and lifestyle. This means that her leaving would leave me in the middle of grieving our pet, completely alone and far from any of our friends/life.
I know that being upset over her leaving me is very selfish but I feel like she owes it me and to herself to grind through the last 5 months of school. Her leaving would put me in an even worse state mentally.
Unlike her, I don’t have the financial security of being able to afford rent in different places and move away before the lease ends. Nor can I just choose to stop and take a year off bc I am on scholarship. This also makes me upset because I turned down opportunities to study abroad this year to accommodate our agreement to live together.
She also doesn’t have a plan. She would just drop out and travel abroad or find service job somewhere until she felt better again. And start again next year, at 26 still in college, the place she hates doing the thing she hates yet again.
I told her that she should just close the cycle and finish her degree. She can travel and find a job and do whatever she wants in 5 months when she graduates.
I also told her that we had an agreement together, when she decided to get an apartment with me far away from campus and everyone we know.
This isn’t about paying for rent because I know she would pay her part until the lease ends.
But I really can’t fathom living completely alone in our 2 bedroom apartment in the middle of nowhere. I don’t have any family in the country because my family lives abroad. And after our cat’s passing is really fresh.
I would be in pieces if she left, seeing her and him everywhere. No one would be able to come see me because I live too far away and most ppl on campus don’t have a car. I feel like the rug is being pulled from under me.
I don’t want to be left, yet again, to pick up the pieces. This would mean that for the 3rd time, I would have to take on the burden of emptying our apartment and moving us out. In the middle of graduation too! She promised she wouldn’t put me in this position again. And this time around, she has bought so much furniture that I did not think was a good idea, so now on top of moving out and finishing up my degree, I need to find people to sell all the stuff to.
I feel like an asshole because I don’t want to be the reason she struggles mentally. But I don’t think dropping out is the right solution and I think she should start seeing a therapist and talk to academic/career counselors before making such a big decision
Personally if I were to quit my job and drop out of school and have nothing to do with myself while struggling mentally I would just get more depressed! So I don’t understand it, but I am really really trying to.
After seeing how upset I got over her wanting to leave, she decided to stay. I told her we should talk about it more and see if there’s any options like her taking some part of the year off but not all.
She mentioned having suicidal thoughts which is very scary to me. I want her to be where I can see her. I want to make sure she gets the help she needs. And I really don’t think I can handle the worry of losing her too when she’s halfway across the world. (I have struggled with attempting suicide in the past so I feel like I can relatively understand where she’s at, which makes it even worse. I want to help. She really needs help)
I really want to support her dreams of rebooting her life but I think her staying is the best decision because she would be with her teammates and friends. She has a support system here.
I would be able to take care of her better when she’s nearby and make sure she gets out of bed, goes outside, etc.
We would be of much better support to each other together if she stayed, than if she left and moved away where she doesn’t have a stable home and all her family members are busy with their own lives.
She would be depressed and alone. And I would also be depressed and alone.
She is so close the finish line. In 5 months, she can get a real job that pays well (having finished her college degree). And she can move on to live wherever she wants and do whatever she wants. She complains about still being financially dependent on her parents and wanting more independence. So for all reasons considered, I really think this is the right way.
What do you guys think? Am I the asshole?
I love her so much and I never want to be the reason she is miserable and upset. But her leaving would actually wreck me. And I am not even sure it would help.
Please feel free to convince me otherwise.
| You dont get to “let” her do anything. She is an adult and can make her own decisions. Dropping out of college may be a bad idea, so be supportive of her and try and get her the help she needs. |
AITAH for making plans to move in with my boyfriend and not my friend? | Hi everyone, I'm still ruminating on a situation and I just wanted to share it. I don't think I'm a saint in this situation but I think I'm still being treated poorly. It's kinda long and I apologize.
Let me give a little history that provides context for how I navigated this:
I (28F) have a friend (27F) (Let's call her Marie) and another friend (29M) (Let's call him Sam) and about 6 years ago I was moving to a big city for grad school. I asked Sam and Marie if they'd want to move with me as neither were happy in their current living situations and I thought it would be great being roommates all together. Marie said yes but then when it came to any part of the planning or househunting she was completely wishy washy other than insisting upon getting the largest room or needing the room that would have an ensuite. She didn't really do anything and would delay answering questions until roughly 2 months before the move, she just said "I'm not going to move by the way."
Now, since then she's been stuck living with her family and struggling to find work and moved out of state to a rural area in a place she can't stand. Even when she has found work she is upset about everything and her life is just really bad. She's never happy and has been trying for years at this point to plan a move.
She is seemingly really trying this year to actually leave by trying to take steps but she has historically been someone who has dreams and then through her own nature doesn't follow up on them, or avoids them, or neglects things. Not because she's unintelligent or incapable she just doesn't put in conviction in what she does. I believe her when she's said anywhere she's putting in applications doesn't respond given the nature of the world atm. However there have been instances where her parents have told her to take any job and she would refuse because she doesn't like smelling like fast food, or the pay isn't worth it, or her sister works there and it pays more but she hates her sister. So like, she's trying but also not truly in a situation to take any opportunity and grow. I'm also not saying her having opinions on work and what standard she wants to live is wrong, but it's something I've observed.
Anyway, so since like last September/October she had asked me if we could be roommates again. I love her, I do, and so I readily said yes without hesitation because it would be nice to live with another person. However, I've always said yes to these 'hypotheticals' because again, for 6 years I've asked if she wants to live here and it's always 'expensive to move' and 'hard to find a job' and 'not worth it' to her. So when she's said this I assumed it was a pipe dream like before, but that I am always supportive of it.
She would send me tiktoks about city living or ask if she could apply to jobs in the city using my current home address as the one for the resume and I said yes every time. That is the EXTENT of any planning- her asking me if I would want to be roommates and her loosely applying to jobs that haven't even responded. At the same time, she has a friend in a neighboring state she ALSO said she would probably go live with to save up to move where I live as it's infinitely pricier where I am compared to the other friend. I genuinely feel like this was loose dreams and just being on her side while she dreams about escaping but, as I've seen in her history- never follows up on things, backs out because it's hard, and grows pessimistic again.
While this is happening in November, I started dating a guy (26M) that I've known for a little over a year. At the end of December we were eagerly talking about getting to live together full time and be together. My lease is up in August and I asked if he thought that would be a good time to live together, as we've actively been talking about and making game plans towards what our future would look and be like. Since then we've been communicating, coming up with timelines, and making actual plans about what this would look like. Tangible, actual work.
One part of this tangible plan was me needing to get a car. As I've lived in the city for years now, I don't have one and I also don't know where to get one. So I text the groupchat with Sam and Marie (since they've both had cars and been familiar with it more since they were teenagers) and asked for any advice they could spare as I prepare to move to be with BF.
Marie instantly spam calls me- I missed 3 calls and text messages from her after I sent it. I wasn't ignoring her, I genuinely was just doing other stuff and didn't see. As soon as I saw I asked her what was wrong and she started crashing out. She was hostile immediately as her first message was:
**"just wanted to call to talk and ask how in one month’s time it went from yes i want to be roommates i’ll see you in march to you asking how to buy a car to move in with your boyfriend in august. bit of a bomb to drop there without telling me anything at all"**
I was LOST. She had mentioned visiting in March but I had actually, and my fault, forgotten this. I thought she had meant moving in and becoming roomies then and I was horrified at the concept.
In essence the conversation went, and I'll admit I was kinda angry at her in my responses, that she was angry at me because she started spiraling because I changed plans and 'dropped it suddenly' on her, expected we would've made plans in March for an eventual move, and when I told her I didn't think it was really serious and we hadn't talked at all about it with any tangible plans or expectations that I was insulting her and that it wasn't super loose or hypothetical.
She was hounding me on it and saying "I'm trying to be happy for you but I wish you said something sooner".
I agree in the sense I feel bad and know I've done some wound to her and I don't feel good ! But I was planning something serious after her loose messages and it's been a recent development I've been working on. When I brought up she did the exact same thing to me years ago, she said it was unfair to do so. It's just... like I don't think it is because you're going to berate me for days on this about how I blindsided you when you actually did worse in the same situation to me?
I gave up on defending myself and genuinely apologized because the conversation was turning really argumentative and she was doubling down on how it was unfair to her to do this and I genuinely don't want to hurt her or lose her friendship and I feel remorse for creating a wrinkle in her plans but I genuinely am excited for an actual plan and to advance my life.
Truly this is a side gripe and not related really to the story but she has only become so much more pessimistic since I've known her, she is combative with ANY opinion stated that she doesn't like ( say "I like xyz" and she'll go ew no. nope. no.) or she'll just completely shut you down if you share anything you like that she doesn't on any subject- food, movies, music, games, you name it. I genuinely only hear from her when she's upset, and nothing seems to go right ever for her. She buys a little blind box toy? Oh it's cute! Nope- she HATES that one and it's ugly. Her sister is ALWAYS banging and slamming things in the house so she can't sleep. She HATES where she works because it's hard and smelly and she HATES everything. Like even when you're excited for her she's miserable.
And this isn't to say like! I have absolutely come to vent to our group chat after silence too but I just feel so worn down from YEARS of knowing her and this pessimism.
I'm sorry this was a lot. TLDR: Flaky friend blew off moving plans years ago, tried to make loose plans to become roomies, I believe years of blown off plans and delays and supported it but made my own plans, now she's furious at me and not talking to me anymore for betraying her. AITAH? |
I get that you want to help her, but it seems like you're also putting a lot on your shoulders by trying to make it work with someone who’s not really showing up in the way you’re hoping for. If she truly wanted to move forward, she’d be more proactive, and it’s okay to focus on your own plans and move forward with them. Sometimes it’s better to set those boundaries and not let her hold you back any longer. |
AITAH for blocking my friend for going back to her ex again | I want to start if by saying I have been in a toxic and abusive relationship before and I understand the gravity of how hard it is to leave and in no way am I trying to victim shame my friend in this post.
Last night I called my friends ( I'll call them Ava and Sarah) to talk about some personal issue I have going on in my life and after I talked it over with my friends I felt great but I digress, further into the call Ava breaks the news she's decided to give her ex another chance after being broken up for a week after realizing that the relationship was going no where and it was not how she wanted to be treated because of the constant dismissal of when she brought up issues to her partner and there was no change etc, during this break up her ex wanted to get a restraining order and against her because of tik tok reposts that were just generally about being sad about the break up and that she was obsessed which I did say was a bit odd to say so when my friend broke the news a couple days later that she was giving another chance on a one month trial I will admit I did lose my temper a little bit saying how it's ridiculous over a three month relationship that and that is where I might be the asshole, I proceeded to say I do not want any call at 2am every day like last time where I have to pick up the pieces and encourage you that this is not good for you because I realized that she was taking my advice to tolerate the relationship not leave her partner. Sarah and I both did say to her that we both know it's her decision but because she's decided to give her partner a month as a chance she knows what she is doing and it hurts us to have to witness it. Later on Ava left the call and it was just Sarah and I discussed it and I said I can't deal with this behavior anymore because it is draining me mentally . I decided on blocking Ava to protect my own peace. I struggled sleeping last night due to worry that maybe I was a huge ass hole in this situation as I do understand how hard it is to leave a bad relationship but I can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved and especially someone who can make a laugh and a joke about what she's doing. I spoke to my sister about it and she said blocking her was the wrong move to make. So I'm just wondering if I was actually the asshole here | Not the ah
In my opinion I have also experienced this in the past and it feels as if you are a part of the relationship with constant calls and you cannot leave your friend as well, but since you already gave her advice and she didn't take it you could be angry at her
But blocking her was maybe a bit harsh as it could get more messy but do anything to protect your peace girl ! |
WIBTAH for going no contact with my father and anyone in my family who doesn’t agree with it? | Extremely new here. I’m hoping this reaches Charlotte Dobre.
So I f (28), has had an eventful childhood. I have 3 sisters including one on the way, and 2 brothers. Me, Stacey, Jim, and terry were from my parents. The last 3 sisters are from a woman my dad began messing with at her age of 16. (All fake names)
Things I’ve witnessed or heard that I wish I never had. Anyways in 2015 my mother had to have her gallbladder removed. During this time, she lost her job and couldn’t really do much as she had a giant tube hanging out of her body draining her gallbladder of the toxins. My father couldn’t hold it down like my mother has for him time and time again.
We lost our home, became homeless. My mother was in a tent in her MIL backyard with a tube hanging out of her, while my father and his friend snuck a 16 year old girl (Kay) into a swingers bar. Which tons of men had sec with a minor and they didn’t even know it. I lost respect for my father that day. I hadn’t known it was a 16 year old until recently. That’s same 16 year old girl is now an awful 28 year old woman.
2016 was the year I found out my dad was a predator. I’m sorry but age of consent, doesn’t give you the right to be a predator. If you’re in your 40s like my father was, you have no RIGHT touching or even looking in a teenagers way. My dad was well in his 40s, the girl was 17 at this time. When finding out, I lost it, I accused my father of preying on my friends. Which he claimed he didn’t but I felt otherwise.
My younger brother Jim knew of our fathers infidelities, even helped our father lie and cheat on our mother. When my father found himself a place, while the rest of us were homeless, he ONLY took his son who lied for him, with him to his new home. My father has stayed with Kay for 10 years now, and currently still together.
My father has shaped and groomed her into being a community sex doll for him. He has had men come to his apartment to “try her out” so they can get approval into the group session they wanted to join. Me and my fiancé were present during one of these times. We had no idea until after they left. We couldn’t figure out why this random man’s wife was sitting on the couch while her husband was in my fathers bedroom with Kay for over an hour. If I was being honest, I’m surprised my father wasn’t collecting money on bringing men in to “try her out”. Now I’ve tried to be civil with this woman and she’s just a TERRIBLE person inside and out and I can’t fathom being around her.
Me and my sister originally didn’t know Kay was originally 16 instead of 18 like our father claimed. Kay on a drunken night admitted to A LOT of information. I feel for my younger sisters because Kay screams bloody murder at these girls day in and day out, over the tiniest things. Not brushing their teeth fast enough, you got her nose on your nose, screaming in your face, feeling her spit on her face with every word. She’s a disgusting human being. I’ve expressed my concern for my younger sisters to my father.
He ignores her behavior towards those kids, and now she has another on the way. Which mind you, she said she never wanted another child with my father and that she don’t want the girls to know how she met my father cause she’s ashamed of it. Then why have another child??? Why continue to be his sex doll offered to anyone he wants?
Anyways fast forward to 2024. I was pregnant with my second son, and living with my father at the time. Had only been there for a few months as we moved from 2 hours away to make a new life. Within those months I stayed with my father, I learned A LOT. He has said unimaginable disgusting things about what he’s done to Kay and other women out there. One day my father needed my fiancés help with errands. They left, came back, my fiancé was weird. After a week my fiancé pulled me to the side and told me my father looked at him and said, “I bet you’re fucking the shit out of her with the bbc aren’t you?” Then mentioned how my father kept trying to guess what his member looks like and how big he thinks it could be.
Excuse me? He said what? About us? About his own daughter? Every since he told me, I’ve had nothing but disgust towards my father. Ive had severe negative thoughts of my father thinking of me sexually, I’ve tried to suppress it, I’ve tried to keep my emotions hidden but I can’t no more. I recently started telling everyone what happened and why I’ve been so hostile towards my father. Outside of these vile things he has stated sexually about me and my fiancé, he’s made (jokingly) racist remarks that I can not allow my children or fiancé to even be around. It’s completely unacceptable.
He also takes showers with his 8 year old and 6 year old daughters which i had found extremely unacceptable. Their MOTHER should be washing them until they’re able to wash themselves. A young lady should NOT know what a penis looks like until Sex education class. My best friend he watched grow up with me, he stated he’s wanted to fuck her several times.
My father is a predator, I’ve finally accepted it. I’ve always acknowledged it, but after 10 years of trying so hard to deny it. I can’t no longer. Last year was the year we had found out her real age during the whole thing, my mother informed us of past occurrence with him, when they were younger. He’s always been a predator and everyone around him has ignored it and he’s just gotten worse. Our mother kept so much from us, but I understand why. She told me, He hasn’t done anything to us, to our knowledge, and our mothers knowledge, but he’s had sexual relations with an 11 year old when he was 19.
It’s a bit long, left A LOT of details out but essentially, this is my story. So WIBTA for going no contact? I feel like I’m mourning a living human being. | Wow...
That...was...wow. I am going to go wash my brain now with some disinfectant and see if that wipes what I just read.
NTA OP |
AITAH for removing a colleague off Facebook and Snapchat | Basically I work in a school and there’s a newish man let’s call him Tom he’s been working here since September. He requested me on both apps so i accepted that’s when it all started he put something on Facebook saying he’s never been so low I dint really know him but I said are you okay he proceeds to tell me that he thinks no one at work likes him they talk to him at work but don’t like his posts on Facebook I was like what on earth I told him I don’t speak to many people outside of work just one person however I class her as my best friend he then invited himself out with us let me add he is Muslim which obviously doesn’t matter but clearly has dietary needs he kept well we need to go somewhere halal or that has vegetarian options I’ll enjoy i said okay then he said he’s not coming then he is coming and this was ongoing until he decided to come.
Incident number 2 I personally don’t like large groups and I didn’t want to go to our Christmas night do and I told him that yet he just kept saying come on every time I saw him he would bring it up and wouldn’t leave me alone so I finally caved. I told him I won’t be going at the actual time because I’m not rushing his reply ‘Well I’m not standing in the cold’ I told him I didn’t ask him to. Then he wanted to know if I was going to Bongo Bingo I said absolutely not I don’t like it he kept saying you said this about th Christmas night do come on I’ll get you the fist drink I explained that last time I went I had a panic attack and I’m epileptic so the strobe lights hurt my eyes. He then told a lady at work that this happened I was so mad I thought that’s not his place and it’s definitely not his story to tell.
He would send multiple messages at once and if I didn’t reply straight away he’d unsend them he posted loads on Snapchat and it was coming through my Apple Watch pinging like crazy and it was the same for Facebook a lot of repetitive posts. Well he messaged me saying why did I unfriend him I waited a little bit to think how to tell him it in a respectful way he then messaged my best friend asking her to get me to reply so I did I told him ‘it’s nothing personal but it was a lot of notifications and it’s not my place to ask you to stop posting’.
This was the part I started to get really mad he told me that I made him cry because he thought I fell out with him, he never thought I’d delete him because our friendship is so strong (I barely know him) by this point it was about four messages in a row I said this is the reason I did it there’s a lot of notifications. He said well isn’t this a good thing friends message and check up on each other. I said to him please do not say I made you cry I don’t appreciate it you’re making out I’m being a nasty person when I’m not He then started to blame all of this on his disability he’s told no one about. I just feel like I can decide who I want on social media without being made to feel like a horrible person so AITAH | I'm old and it has never occurred to me to put a coworker of mine on FB or any other social medium. NTA for removing such workplace acquaintances (not ''friends'') from FB. |
Aitah constant fighting | (little side note, arugements mostly end with it being my fault)
Ok little back story, im a 29m on probation for assault. Shes a 30f trying to get her kids back.
Been together 9months. Had hiccups along the way like her friends telling her my charges will never let her get her kids back from cps. And a landlord that didnt like us. Well i got our trailer onto a peice of land, and ever since then the owner of said land wants me to work on his yard(tree maintenance and general cleaning ues got hoarder amounts of stuff) but shes been yelling and screaming about the way the trailer looks. I get that some people dont like to clean or maybe clean a certain way, but she doesn't clean. Offers and never does.
Now ive got a probation meeting in a week and her cps worker wants to see that she has a house(worker has stated that house doesnt need to be renovated, just doesnt need to look like a pig sty. Earlier this month she already said she wants to move the trailer to koa land and doesnt want me living in it, ok, get that, i can go to a different town in the county my probation is in. But shes been pushing me to clean her house rather then the landlords land, thus putting me in an odd space
Either clean the land so i can keep the trailer there, or the trailer and have to move for being a sqautter. Now that i have to leave to go visit my po for 3-4 days next week, i cant clean the trailer for her. And its only a bedroom. But thats it, big fight. So i ask reddit... Aitah? | If i dont reply im mostlikely sleeping it off...and dw im bot downvoting anyone. Just want genuine opinions |
AITAH for making fun of a guys appearance even though apparently he doesn't like it? | I (18F) recently became friends with a small band through mutual friends. One guy in particular (22M) is kind of the center of the group writes most of the songs, talks the most, etc.
My personality is pretty sarcastic and teasing (I do not EVER comment on things a person cant change, and I'm never cruel), and that’s how I usually bond with people. I do it to everyone in the group, but admittedly it’s mostly him because he’s the most receptive and actually banters back. The jokes are very clearly not serious, like his stubble I have voiced disdain for, joking about how dramatic his songs are, making light comments about his supposed “emotional avoidance,” and what not. He fires back and sometimes even leans into it.
Recently, another girl in the group (19F) told me that he actually minds the jokes and has said so privately, and that I should stop talking to him altogether because “he doesn’t like me.” This completely caught me off guard, because nothing about his behavior toward me has suggested that.
Since I didn’t want to be crossing any lines without realizing it, I talked to him directly and privately. I told him what she’d said and asked him honestly if anything I joke about bothers him. He seemed genuinely confused and said he’s never complained, doesn’t mind at all, and that as long as I’m having a good time, he’s fine with it.
The problem is that the other girl is now insisting that he’s lying to spare my feelings, that he definitely said something to her, and that I’m being disrespectful by continuing to joke with him. She’s been pretty firm that I should distance myself from him completely and keeps framing it like I’m ignoring his boundaries, even though, according to him, I've done nothing wrong.
I don’t want to be someone who hides behind “it’s just a joke” if someone is actually uncomfortable. At the same time, it feels strange to ignore what he said to my face and instead trust a third party’s interpretation over his own words.
so AITA for continuing to joke with him and trusting what he told me directly, even though someone else says I’m in the wrong? | YTA and you sound exhausting.
> My personality is pretty sarcastic and teasing
Occasional banter is fine but people who make sarcasm their personality are the worst. Don't be that girl because no one likes that girl. |
AITAH for wanting my boyfriend to set boundaries, or for thinking he would want to set boundaries with his FEMALE best friend?? | I (45F) was in a relationship for 12years with my late wife (45F) we married 7 years into dating. I lost her at the end of 2024 to suicide. (I’m so sorry this is such a long post, I’m trying to give lots of context)
In October of 2024 is when I lost my wife. In November an old friend/flame (42M) and I came back in contact. We have a history, and being that I was married I respectfully cut all ties when my wife and I started dating back in 2012. My friend/old flame has always been in the background being respectful of my relationship (as not to cause any issues with my relationship, my wife didn't care for him because he and I have history). He used to pick my daughter up from school and drop her off at home, he was at one of my daughters’ birthday parties, he and my son watched anime together, he was at my dads’ celebration of life, etc. But he always kept a respectful distance. Even though he was still close to some of my family.
Some contexts into our history... when we met we agreed to be friends with benefits. Neither of us were wanting anything serious being that we had just recently come out of relationships. We had a **GREAT** time with that! We became very close; we spent lots of time together and he stayed with me a lot! Even though we were not each other’s only “partners”. Well, I would say a year (give or take) into this agreement, feelings started to happen. He told me he loved me first, tbh… I was mad (I didn’t want feelings messing up such an amazing thing). I told him I loved him too (all the while I was seriously Head over heels in LOVE with him). Sometime later I thought “what are we waiting for, why not just make it official and just become a couple” well when I brought that up, he said he needed time to think about it. Days after (unknowing to me, he was dumping the side chics), That made me feel some type of way that he had to think on it. “if you love me, why would you need to think about it?” I told him fine he took over a week or more to "think about it", and then I moved on. He came to see me at my apartment a couple times, but I wasn’t getting what I really needed from him. (tbh, I didn’t communicate it either). I told him he was just too late. And then i met my wife. Things were left at that for years.
Fast forward, to us coming back into contact (13yrs later). We have spoke on all of the past and communicated like grown ups and apologized to one another for it all and how we felt.
Now to the real reason for this post, all of this happening within this past year.
When I came back in contact with him, we did a lot of talking and communicating. He told me he had a roommate and that she didn’t have to be there, she had a house but that her place was being worked on and so he offered a room at his place (4 bdrm) in the meantime. He did tell me that they have had “friend with benefits” situation off and on. But he was not and did not want a relationship with her, he made that abundantly clear to me and had told her so multiple times. She was just constantly in her own head about her feelings for him. They had their own issues about that. So, basically, they coexisted as a couple to her. But just in a friendly manner (if that even makes sense).
When he invited me to his place to hang out, and to meet her I knew in the instant that I met her she was in love with him!!! A few nights later I stayed the night with him, nothing physical. Just comfort. (he wanted to be there for me due to my wife passing, he was being an amazing support for me to lean/cry on) She was not happy to see me at all!! So much so that she left/moved out a few days later, telling him that she couldn’t compete with me!!!
WHAT?!?!?! I don’t know when this even became a competition!! He and I weren't even in a relationship at this point. Besides, I’m not that kind of person, I don’t feel like I should have to compete with anyone. You either want me or you don’t! I’m cool either way. I don’t trust easily, and it takes some time for me to become vulnerable as well.
Okay so when she left/moved out, he basically ran after her. He told her that she needed to get on board. She was his friend and he didn’t want to lose that (being that she was there for him when he was sick with COVID and could have become deceased) but needed to be on board with this because I wasn’t going anywhere and that she knew what their relationship is. She obliged. (I knew that she did it because she was in love with him, she wants to have him one way or another) Sometime after this her and I had a candid conversation about him and that I knew she was in love with him and she stated she was hurt that he chose me and not her. All I could say was that I was sorry. I understood what that felt like. She asked me if I was okay that they still text in the morning and or at night I said I was okay with that. (I maybe should have been a bit more detailed in my expectations)
I was noticing that HE was less and less…ummm in OUR relationship. He was leaving me nothing! He would come home, and it would be radio silence, even when I asked how his day was. I would get one-word answers or it was work, then NOTHING! I chose to address this, they were messaging each other good morning, then sometimes talking or texting on their way to work and then he would go down to the little store at the job (where she works) in the morning to get breakfast (10-15min), then go to the little store at lunch for his whole break (his lunch is 1hr), then after work (for her, she gets off 3hr before him) she would message him or call the job to talk to him. Then she used to come to the house on Mondays to watch WWE and do laundry. WE were going to the movies together as a group. And then there were times they would go alone, etc. I told him that he was leaving me nothing but the physical part of him and that is not all that I need from him(I mean, it’s amazing and all, but…). I came into the relationship to be with him for ALL of him, not just parts of him. I don’t care about what he has, or what he can provide, I can get and do all of that on my own. I am a very independent grown woman. I can take care of myself, I want a partner in life, a best friend, someone to share my life with. I chose him. My point was that if he was giving HER his "friend"…ALL of himself, where did that leave me and what relationship did WE really have???
It kinda blew up, so I didn’t speak to either of them for a couple days. I found out that he had a conversation with her.
I, being the grown woman that I am, I went to the little store and apologized to her for not communicating properly. I should have discussed it with her, about her part. I told her I don’t know what her and Flame had spoken about but I just needed them to have some boundaries. Her comment to me was that “whatever I requested, I was getting”, I had no idea what she was talking about being that I didn’t request anything! (I guess in a way I did, but with him, I asked him to be more present and to save me some of his effort and energy) She wanted to keep things as her and I taking some time apart. I respected that. And I walked away.
Things seemed to get a little better with him and I, he was being a little more attentive.
And then, the angry rejected came out. She messaged me and asked me what my expectations for boundaries were. I told her, put yourself in my shoes, as a grown woman (10 years older than me, 54F) how and what would your expectations be for your boyfriend if he had a female friend be? She stated that she wanted to know what MY wants were not hers. Then went on to say, “would this be an issue if I were a man?” I told her this is completely different considering she is not a man and that she is in LOVE with him and has had sexual relations with him. I told her I did not want to have this conversation over text being that text can be misconstrued. She absolutely refused saying she didn’t deal well with confrontation. I have never been confrontational with her in any way. I just thought we could have another candid conversation. But NO. So, I just stopped texting. The last message she sent stated that I needed to tell him I requested her to stop texting and calling so much, and that if he reached out to her, she wasn’t going to ignore him. I left it on read. I NEVER said that. She also said that I didn’t want her in his life, again something I NEVER said. There is more to the text and she just kept putting things in my mouth that I never said. So, I ended the conversation. The very next morning she sent a group message with Flame, myself and her copied from our convo saying since “she” didn’t respond… and copy pasted the I won’t ignore him message. Now she’s being messy. He asked what was going on, and when I tried to read the messages and explain, he got uber defensive in her favor and got loud with me. He basically stated that we needed to continue the conversation over text and get things straightened out or don’t… I said “don’t”. I am too old to be playing these high school games, I didn’t play them then and I’m not gonna start now.
Needless to say her and I have not been on speaking terms for a HOT min and he still does things with her like go to the movie I stated I want to go see, he told me it was lame and then he went with her. Recently, he made plans with me to go to a celeb signing in one town and then do a VR gaming in another town across the state. Later, I find out that the celeb signing was a him and I thing(which he canceled) and the VR thing was a him and her and 2 other friends and I was not invited because she paid for it. He still went to that.
At the job we all work at in different departments. The other day he went on his lunch break at 3 I was leaving around 3:30, I went down to the store to say bye to him knowing that's where he is for his lunch. When I went down there, he was in the office with her. I told him I was leaving and I waited. He hadn't come out yet after a min or so, so I stepped behind the counter to tell him I was leaving. He was in the middle of telling her a story. I let him finish and since his break was about up he grabbed all his things and came out. We walked out together. We talked for a min, we hugged, he went back to his job and I left.
The next morning I again on the way to work received a group message to the effect of her and I have been cordial and not to mistake that for friendship. That from now on I need to stay on the public side of the counter at work, her office is only for her coworkers and her friends to come and see her. I really wanted to be a petty B. but I just sent back a thumbs up.
What's eating my brain is that through any and all of this not once has he taken my side.
Now, I am a levelheaded, open minded, logical lady. I honestly think a male and female can be friends; however BOUNDARIES HAVE to be set and my expectation is TRANSPARANCY, other wise things can look sus (I have requested this time and time again, and I still get nothing). I have no issues with him having a female friend but what I’m not ok with, is being put in a situation where I’m in a relationship but feel like the 3rd wheel.
So does this make me TAH?! | Uff da not gonna lie. I didn’t read it all. If he doesn’t want to, then move on if it’s an issue for you. |
AITAH for going off on my mom over lunch? | Me (27F) and my mom (47F) are currently at bats over lunch. We play a game with some mutual friends on the weekends and during so we made plans to have lunch at her place. We talked about what lunch would be had (pizza from a place in town) and around what time. I asked her to call me so I’d know when to go over there, and she never did. So I messaged her thinking that maybe they hadn’t got it yet, and she replied with, I quote, “lol, it’s basically all gone now”. Now typically I’m not to get hurt feelings, but something about that struck a nerve. This led into the next day where I messaged her about a crazy think at work, and she replied with, again I quote, “don’t ever send me a message like that again”. And I was confused, and then angered. I shot her a lengthy message about how much that upset me and she ignored it completely. So AITA for going off on her over lunch? | Nah this feels like death by a thousand little cuts. People love saying it’s just lunch but it’s really about feeling ignored and talked down to. You tried to communicate and she shut you out. That’s on her, not you. |
AITAH for basically telling my granddaughter that probably she will having a harder time staying thin after she reaches 40 ? | I'm (63f) a grandmother. My granddaughter (10f) was looking at pictures that included me when I young. She said I used to be beautiful. I thanked her. She asked me how come I let myself put on so much weight.
I told her bad habits and aging. She asked what I mean by aging. I said a lot of women find it hard to stay thin after 40. With perimenopause, menopause, and all sorts of reasons. She started to cry saying she doesn't want to get old and fat. My daughter (44f) rushed in. I left the room.
My daughter would tell me I was insecure for freaking out her daughter like that. I told my daughter I didn't intent for her daughter to be upset. Am I the asshole ? | NTA. Telling younger people age appropriate FACTS is something more people should do. I'm curious what the mom would have told her daughter should she be asked a similar question? |
AITAH for disliking everyone in my year | So basically everyone became rude and annoying in my year to eachother, ive basically gone quiet because I’d rather not speak to most people in my year. I wish I could say different for my friends because we’ve got friend b here who ive not really liked idk we just never really bonded but I tolerated him because he never did anything wrong and he is kinda comfortable to speak with, we also have friend a who we both don’t like and we have friend c who we like. Friend a tries to isolate friend c from us by making him hang out with him and not us but friend c doesn’t like that cause friend c also likes us. Anyway, friend b told me friend a was gossiping about us and as we walked home idk what it was but I felt like asking friend b if what he was saying was the truth. I asked friend b many times if he was telling the truth and friend b kept smiling aswell as smirking and I told friend b I wouldn’t care if he was lying so he should just tell me if he was. So friend b told me he was lying and that he was just joking. I blocked friend b when I got home, too quick?
Also none of the nice kids are nice anymore like I don’t wanna stay with friend a but I also don’t like friend b 😭
| It does sound like YTA …. Everyone else is wrong and rude and you are the only one who is good? That doesn’t sound right :)
But it also sounds like you are very young and struggling to find your space and your own circle of friends. It is hard to find your people, your safe space where you can be yourself. This phase does happen to everyone believe it or not and it happens many times over in life - even as adults.
Maybe give people the benefit of the doubt and increase your tolerance of people who are not as amazing as you and may be slightly different. Focus on being your best self so you can be secure in who you are and can be kind to those who are not like you. |
AITAH for asking my family to 'keep up not catch up'? | I live with my partner and two children (neither are his). He supports us with wages, I help out with my disability payments. Since he works I do most of the housework, despite continuous issues with my hands and feet (surgeries, often an inability to lift/walk, pain, etc). AITAH for being upset that my partner can't put things in the same designated place when he's done with them? Or to at LEAST pick up simple things he drops/leaves around? He just finds a flat place to put things when he walks in the door...and leaves them there. Always losing his keys/glasses, walks past stuff that's fallen on the floor, uses my tools and leaves them wherever...? Is it too much to ask for him to put his keys on the hook I put up, or his glasses on the microwave every time so I don't have to keep putting them back? Or to leave his bag in the same corner so I don't have to lift it to sweep? HE supports us for the most part though so I feel guilty asking. | Put a big box by the door. That's where his things go. Anything you see anywhere else put it in the box. |
AITAH for entertaining a guy that was hitting on me | Hey there Reddit. I feel like I might be the A hole in this situation but I also can’t help but feel like what happened wasn’t that bad. For back story, around 5 months ago I (F25) was at the grocery store and this guy came up to me and started chatting with me about my sneakers (a pair of Jordans that they don’t make anymore). I own a vintage shop in our small city in TX, so I gave him my card and told him to stop in sometime. He was asking if I was new to the area and I told him me and my boyfriend were from the area, but recently moved into the actual city. He was polite, and that was pretty much the extent of the exchange. Later when I saw my boyfriend (M27) I told him about this guy who came up to talk to me at the store and we joked about me getting flirted with in public. That was the end of that. So now to what happened. Yesterday afternoon I was at the grocery store with my now fiance (engaged Thanksgiving 2025) and we split up for a few things (divide and conquer) and I ran into the same guy from five months ago in passing. He stopped and said hey how’s it going and shook my hand and went on his way. When I met back up with my fiance I told him I ran into that guy again and that he shook my hand. He immediately said he was upset about that and I thought he was just upset at the guys behavior because we have never fought about crossing lines before. But he said that I was disrespecting him by touching a guy that had flirted with me and that I should have just told the guy no instead of touching him. I told him that I was really sorry and I didn’t mean to upset him, that I just run into so many customers from my store out in public that it was just reflex to shake his hand, it didn’t even register right away who it was. I wasn’t telling him this to defend my actions but I was telling him this to reassure him that I was not intentionally trying to disrespect him and it didn’t even register to me that it was a bad thing to do because I wouldn’t have even thought to be mad at him if the situation was flipped. Now he’s saying he can’t believe I would do something like this being engaged and now almost 24 hours later he is still furious. I don’t know what to do at this point. I feel horrible but everything I say just makes it worse. Was I the AH? | >he’s saying he can’t believe I would do something like this
Like what? Shaking an acquaintance's hand? That has been the thing to do since the 9th Century BCE...
Your boyfriend is trippin'. |
AITAH for not wanting to share my stuff in a shared house? | I (28F) and my Fiancé (26M) are sharing a house with his friend(mid 40's) and his daughter(15). The house was initially theirs but since his separation from his wife the house was his until he approached my Fiancé and told him the house is ours if we want it as long as we cover the rent whilst he's there with his daughter until they find a place to rent.
We took the offer since we were looking for a place to rent low rent and more rooms as we are currently expecting a baby.
We are here almost a month and there has been no effort from him to look for a new place. I digress.
Anyway I have sorted the cupboards and seperated his food, herbs etc from ours. I don't want any bickering of "who finished this?" "Who ate my ... " hence why I did it. But since doing it he has still been going through our cupboard so today I said 'anything that is yours from there take it and put it in yours' bare in mind I already seperated everything. But I let him off and he took some herbs. We buy multiples of one herb and buy a lot of herbs cause we love seasoned food. He only had chilli flakes. Tell me why this man took more? Anything he saw of ours that we had multiple of and was unopened he took... I watched him in disbelief and went to our room. I'm not heartless when I cook a meal I offer them because neither of them cook anything good just packet noodles or boiled fish and sometimes they fry meat (twice since we moved in). I give them juice, I do share but I dont want someone taking or using my stuff without asking.
I want to share this with my partner but he is his friend. I already hate living here. I keep telling myself it is temporary they are moving out.. but why is he painting the room they're in and talking about how the extension should be turned into a sitting room when I already said I want that to be the baby's room. I wouldn't mind as much if he was paying half of the rent. But he isn't. Yeah he contributes to the oil for heating the house but thats it.
AITAH, am I overeacting? | Bahahaha why would he leave? He conned you two into paying his rent. Where is his incentive to leave?
YTA. For being stupid trusting. You have a baby on the way. |
AITAH for telling my closest friends that my fiancée was having an emotional breakdown? | TLDR - last week my fiancée seemed to hit rock bottom and brought up killing himself. I felt scared, hurt, and didn’t have anyone to talk to so I told my best friends. Fiancée is now unbelievably angry and feels betrayed.
I ( 37F ) have been with my fiancée ( 38M ) for almost 7 years. This last year has been the hardest year of his life. He lost his mother, and that brought on very intense but normal grief symptoms. Anger, depression, lack of motivation, etc..
I have tried to just be there and be encouraging and supportive. Letting him go through the emotions as they come. Trying to just remain steady and normal. Keeping the house clean, making sure we have groceries and food, giving him back scratches.. stuff like that.
Random side note that is relevant. We were gifted a really nice automatic coffee machine about 2 months ago. A used “Jura.” I had never heard of one, but essentially it’s a fancy automatic coffee machine. We install the Jura and my fiancée LOVES this thing. It does make really good coffee.
Okay, so now we’re in present day. It’s been about 6 months since his mother passed. He seems to be doing better. Improved mood, his motivation is back, and things are going well. Then the “incident” happened. Last week, the Jura stopped working ( for the second time mind you ) and it essentially made fiancées grief/anger come flooding back with a vengeance.
While in a rage, he broke the Jura on accident. He was hyper fixated on trying to fix it, while angry and not caffeinated, and the Jura broke. The thing is in multiple pieces now.
What followed was him so upset and depressed, he said to me “I might as well kill myself”. I didn’t know what to say except tell him I love him and that it will be okay. But when he’s in that state of anger I find it’s best to just separate myself from the situation and give him space. Trying to calm him down or comfort him doesn’t help.
So the following day I told my closest friend what happened. I truly needed to talk about it, get some advice, and just get it off my chest. I wasn’t trying to “make him look bad.” I just needed someone to talk to.
Fast forward a few days and he’s in a better headspace. I tell another friend a very shortened version ( omitting the sucicide details ) and she just said she was so glad he was feeling better and proceeded to tell me about the time she beat the crap out of a simple human trash can. We were just friends catching up on each other’s lives and again, I wasn’t trying to make him look bad or paint him in a bad light.
So last night he asks me who knows about the incident and I tell him honestly and he immediately gets angry. My knee jerk response was to say “you tell your friends when things happen with me.” That upset him even more because he feels like that was me saying I was trying to “get even” with him.
That is not true at all, I literally just meant, when big shit happens in a relationship, it’s normal to talk to your friends about it.
He is genuinely disgusted with me right now. He was screaming at me last night. He just kept saying “that’s not what best friends do” .. meaning him and I are best friends and you don’t tell people about your best friends darkest moments.
I feel terrible he’s hurt so bad but also don’t feel like I did anything wrong. So, AITAH? | NTA.
You left out intimate details, but you’re trying your best to support him.
**People tend to forget that the people supporting us in our worst times also need support.**
If the roles were reversed, i have no doubt he would be asking his closest people for advice or comfort on how to help and support you.
You weren’t gossiping, you weren’t laughing at him. You were doing your best to support him.
**There’s a reason we’re call our people ‘pillars of support’ but we can’t be that without foundations, beams and other materials, that’s what our people do, they provide the materials so we *can* be pillars of support to our loved ones.**
NTA and he needs to apologise. |
AITAH for stopping my husband from correcting a woman who called me "Sir" ? | To avoid confusion, we live in a part of the US that doesn't snow. I (31f) have a blonde pixie cut. On that day, I came from the gym. I was in sweats. No makeup, no jewelry. I met my husband (28m) in a crowded place.
While walking with my husband, a woman (possibly 30s) bumped into me. She said "Sorry Sir." My husband stopped walking and he was looking at this woman. He was about to walk in her direction but I held his hand. He told me he was going to correct her. I told him I'm fine.
As soon as he got home, my husband told me that I'm gorgeous woman who definitely don't look like a man. I said thank you. He said he wished I allowed him to correct that woman. I said it's okay. He told it wasn't okay what that woman said and it wasn't okay for me to stop him from correcting her. My husband kept going from assuring me to being angry I didn't let him correct that woman. Am I the asshole ? | NTA. I’m sure that woman could not care less, husband TED talk or not. |
AITAH for getting mad at my boyfriend for using AI | Ever since AI got popularized earlier in 2025 my boyfriend (25M) will use it for everything - sometimes to the point of using it instead of Google, and it gives me the biggest ick. I (24M) feel so much sense of rejection towards him for doing it. It's almost like I stop being attracted to him for a second every time he starts a sentence with "I asked ChatGPT...". I've already told him I get second-hand embarrassment for him and that I'm praying every day he doesn't accidentally slip up in front of my family or friends saying he used AI to search for anything (much like me, the people around me are highly intolerant of it and of the people who use it)
At this point, AITAH for getting straight up mad at him for continuing his use of AI? I don't yell or insult (all the time), but I have stopped answering full stop - as in, if we're in the middle of conversation and he brings up using or having used AI to research whatever topic it is we're talking about I just stop talking like the conversation ended right there and then. And when I do reply I question everything about the answer AI gave him, making him mad and want to stop talking because the topic has now turned to us trying to validate if what he just said is right or not, or even correctly sourced.
I know he does it from a place of wanting to be informed enough to talk to me about anything but it comes off as lazy and highly ignorant.
EDIT: I see people referring to me as "the girlfriend" or using she/her... we're both dudes. | NTA - using generative AI consistently has been shown to decrease the brains ability to think creatively and critically. At the end of the day, his constant use of it says something about his personality and values, and they might just not align with yours. |
AITAH for disowning my father even if it upset my mom? | I (f21) have decided to fully cut of my father (m53) from my life even tho my mother (f43) is very upset about it? To give you full context on why I’ve decided to cut him off and no longer associate with him being my biological father I should start with what actually happened. About 2 years ago when I was 19 I moved out of my parents house into my now fiancé house (m21) who lives with his grandparents. There was already a lot of tension at my parents house and I pretty much didn’t live there.
I stayed most days at my fiancé’s house with my cat and only went home to get new clothes and ect. Well one night I got a huge text from my father to me and my 2 other brothers that we are the reason why him and my mother fight all the time and that we are the reasons why everything is wrong with his life and ect.
He was just having a huge hissy fit because my mom got mad at the fact she does everything (at that time he wasn’t working as he was out of work for an injury but sat and played video games all day) but instead of apologizing he put the blame on us even tho me and even my brother all barely lived at home and all were staying with our significant others. And well long story short I had a bit of a breakdown as I was already dealing with enough stress i was able to talk to my fiancé grandparents and they gave me the okay to move in.
I sent a text to my mother explaining that I could no longer deal with him anymore and that I was moving out. She was PISSED saying me doing that would mess up the family and ect. Anyways I moved out the next day and was not talking to my father but shortly after I did “forgive him” for my mom but was still not talking to him much. Now fast forward a few months we moved to a town 45mins away and little after that the one time my mom came to visit me at my new house she told me she had a suspicious that my father was cheating on her again( YES AGAIN) but also how he just lot 1,600$ from a crypto scams and ect. And me being the spy daughter I am I told her I’d keep an eye out. And about a month goes by and I don’t think much anymore as I couldn’t find anything.
I then get a notification on Snapchat that my contact (father) had joined Snapchat and me being me didn’t think of it. About two weeks later I woke up in a panic and something in my brain told me to check the Snapchat account and what do I find? My contact (Father) had his account name but the the one you can change to like a nickname and it said “Daddy wants a lick” and the I proceeded to had a midlife crisis and loes it. After that I’m like what the hell do I do?? So when my fiancé got home i showed him and cry because what do i do????
Anyways he thinks of this amazing idea to get our once friend from high school f(21) to add the account and see what she can get for me (she was all on board with the idea) but the next day when i got home from work my mom called and was like “yknow you should talk to your father he misses you ect “ and that’s when i break down and tell her about the account and send her the screenshots of the name and everything (i should have waited to get more proof but stupid me!) anyways long story short she confronted him and he was like oh that wasn’t me yknow that crypto scammer is doing that and ect. Anyways she forgives him but I tell her I know he’s lying and I don’t want to speak to him still as I was grossed out.
Few months pass again and I get a notification that the account is back up so me being smart I send my friend back in to get proof before I tell my mother . The proof I get was crazy. He tell my friend that he is a widow and his wife and daughter died 5 years ago (yeah I got killed off) and that he lives with him 2 other sons and work a part time job even tho he is retired to be able to save up money to buy a farm up in Alberta and he’s looking for a girlfriend to do it with him.
Long story short I get grossed tf out because she tells him she 20 and he called her hot ( mind you this friend also send a picture of herself and she had come over to my house alot during high school) and shit but also send a photo of himself on snap (more proof) but anyways my friend gets pictures of the text and I send them to my mother but I also send them to my younger brother. And anyways he says it not him . It’s still the scammers and they hacked into his camera to get the photo of him and ect.
After they had a long argument he lefted there house and drove off to go sleep at his works parking lot and that’s when I got a message cr
Him saying “I got hacked even tho u prob don't believe me ,l don't care I'm not ur father anymore anyways cause don't matter what I do for everyone you still find ways to try and literally kill me or my existence from ur life, I'm sleeping in my truck so you k ow thanks for behing such an amazing daughter ....not Hope ur happy
U do t have a father anymore you win”
My mother did in fact forgive him because she does not believe she can leave him. So now we are here 1 year later and I have not spoken to him since. She still try’s to get me to forgive him but i refuse because what do you do when your father is going after girls YOUR AGE and that look like you?????
To add to this. After all of this I have grown closer to my grandma as she has been the only one to tell me about my parents passed. They are about 11 years apart and they started dating when my mother was 16 and my father was 26. He lied to my grandma and said he was 19. She tried to call the cops when she found out the truth but the age of consent were I live is 16. But also he was always cheated on my mother my whole life but because she was groomed by him she doesn’t think she can leave.
Also another side note. My little brother told me that when he used to get driven to work by him he would make comments about young girls walking in our neighborhood and my brother says they all looked very much like me | NTA… This is just weird. Your father sounds like a creeper… does he have a drinking or drug problem?? Regardless, I think it makes complete sense to totally cut him off. Disowning him seems like a drastic move but you’re an adult. And it that’s what you want to do, I say do it. Why not at this point |
AITAH for being mad at my Fiance because he got me Swordfish while pregnant | Y’all, I think I’m going crazy. Maybe it’s because of my hormones or whatever but I am so fucking pissed right now. I’m pregnant, in my 1st trimester and today I don’t feel like cooking and I wanted to eat something not home cooked. So I asked my fiancé if he could get me something from our favorite restaurant and I SPECIFICALLY TOLD HIM not something I cannot eat because I am pregnant.
During this time was when he was on a call with his brother, who is a bum, who is honestly a bum, did I say he is a bum? Yes he is a bum. We are an upper middle class couple and his brother was too but his business crashed, he fell into drug addiction, his wife divorced him, lost his house . His life wasn’t going well (keep in mind this was 3 years ago). He asked for help from my Fiancé and we said under one condition, that he goes to rehab and he agreed to those terms and that week we sent him 5k USD to give him a new starting point in the shit storm he was going through. However he started to grow… complacent.
Over the following months, he has begun to ask for more money, 300 bucks there, 15 bucks for a meal, etc. I talked to my fiancé about this behavior and he was defending him saying “he needed more time” “things happen” and he would get mad every time, so I dropped it. However a few weeks later, I found out that my fiancé had been sending him more money behind my back than I previously thought. Over a span of 7 months, behind my back…he had sent him, I kid you not….73K USD, IN ADDITION TO THE 20K USD THAT I ORIGINALLY THOUGHT WAS ALL WE GAVE HIM. Y’all that is legit almost 10% of a Million dollars.
That day, my eyes turned red. The fact he would do such a thing behind my back. It still grinds my gears to this day whenever I think about it. That day, I set much needed boundaries.
No. 1: if he knows how uncomfortable I am with a certain situation and he went behind my back to indulge in said situation, I’m gone.
No. 2: We are NEVER sending money to his brother EVER AGAIN.
After this His brother would call him crying that he needed money, one time he even threatened to off himself. I made sure we wouldn’t budge.
Fast forward, we forget about his brother for a year and after that fiasco, we started to focus more on each other and our relationship and grew tbh more happy together. Then, I become pregnant with twins. Then, my fiancé proposes to me and ofc I say yes. But his brother who did not in fact off himself has to rear his head to ruin everything again.
So, you would think after he stopped using his brother as a piggy bank he would get his life together right? NO! HE CALLED HIS MOTHER. HIS MOTHER. The poor woman was calling my fiancé crying that his brother needed money and she couldn’t give him anymore money. We had NO knowledge that he was leeching off his mother and she didn’t tell anybody. She gave him almost ANOTHER 100K USD in the span of a year. Me and Fiancé was like wtf? And then we actually started to question..where was all that money going?
Last week, the brothers talked again for the first time in a while. My Fiancé was genuinely, pissed rightfully so, that his brother would do that to his mother. Y’all this is a 43 year old man, The oldest of the 3 boys. This might be late but Fiancé is 34M (youngest of the 3 boys) and I am 33F. Before I talk about their conversation. Me, Future MIL and Fiancé talked about what to do about this. Ofc I felt very bad for FMIL, as Oldest brother also threatened her with Offing himself. So we talked and me and Fiancé we came to a conclusion that we should learn where the money is coming from then we will figure out what amount of money he NEEDS not WANTS for this month, but that would be the end of it.
Would you guys guess what he spent 200k dollars on? Dating apps.. me personally I don’t buy it. But Fiancé checked his bank accounts and there are a lot of money spend on these dating apps. By the way it wasn’t just one but the 4… However it still does not make sense. 200k dollars can’t just be spent on dating apps. Fiancé thought the same. And for the past week Fiancé has been on call with his mom, brother, Chase, to figure out this debacle.
However, it’s gotten to a point where this is all that I hear all day. I sometimes have to drag him to come to bed (an over exaggeration, but you get the point).
While he was on call today and I asked him to buy me food and get me anything I liked except their swordfish, obviously he wasn’t paying attention to what I was exactly saying but got the gist of it. This is how it’s been the last week. It also messes with his mood a lot and I’ve never really seen him for constantly angry but I get it, it’s a tough situation. On the other hand, and he does have to understand that he can’t be on call 24/7 while I’m pregnant and I talked to him about it tho.
When he came back he dropped the bag on the table and just went kept talking on the phone. No words. So I got up, went to the table and he bought me.. Fish and Chip.. SwordFish and Chips. This is where I might’ve been the AH. I walked up to him, took his phone, cut the call, and I asked him what he got me. He said fish and chips. I asked what type of fish. Then he realized he got me sword fish. Then I might’ve gotten angry and basically gave him a lecture how for the past week, he hasn’t been paying attention to me or when I speak after I spoke to him about it.
He started to tear up and then went for a drive.
I felt as if I might’ve hurt his feelings because he really is going through a rough time but I am too. I might not be thinking clearly right now so I would like to ask AITAH, was I too harsh? | “My fiance brought me the wrong food … anyway, here’s several paragraphs about his brother that have nothing to do with the title… but swordfish, amiright?!?!”
HUH? |
WIBTAH if i was super petty and signed him up for spam calls? Help | So about a week and a half ago, I meet this guy J- (32?) his original profile said he was 29, I thought he was cute he was nice. I gave him my number, I gave him semi spicy pictures. And when he sent ones back, it was rather off putting, because I told him no thank I don’t want any pictures like that. I rather see his face. I’m not gonna get into to many detail about that. But I was slightly uncomfortable.. when I asked for a face picture, he sent one.. remember I was under the impression he was 29… so when he sent me a picture of his face, looking nothing like his pictures, and more like my dad… I was expecting a 29 year old, not 45. But I’m not a mean person, I continue to talk to him. I changed the subject to something not picture related, I know I’m mean for it. I felt bad and apologized the next day. The next day he asked me what I was doing, I told him I was Lin my friends live stream. Okay cool, he’s on the same streaming app cool I gave him my friends username, he came in, I didn’t mention the uncomfortable pictures, or anything else in that manner. Now there is a person in our friend group who is ALWAYS trying to hook me up with random men. So I told everyone who was in the guest box’s and comment section, including J, that I was talking to someone else, who wasn’t J, and I told him a was not interested in him.
He continued to talk to as if he understood, but a few days go buy, and I was back in the guest box, I am applying for jobs on a different phone, I clicked get directions to see how far it is from my house, Siri reads it out loud and when I said my bad I didn’t know Siri would be that loud, I’m trying to figure out where this job is.
J who is also in the guest box, says “are you looking up where I work!” No? I then show a logo that looks like the star wars logo. It’s a toy store. And he accused me of stalking him. And harassing him. Which isn’t okay. And before I could even explain what was happening I was removed from stream.
Excuse me. First I was not looking up anything for him, I’m not attracted to him or anything and this was after I told him I’m talking to someone else.
These people in the stream I’ve known for over a year, and it’s been a week since J joined, and all he’s done is talked my friends into fat shaming me, and S**t shaming me. And accusing me of stalking him! When in all reality I just didn’t want to sleep with him! And now the group just believes him! He said I was looking up restaurants near him
WE LIVE IN THE SAME AREA!!!!! Of course the restaurants I go to are the same ones you go to. He said he lives just a few miles from me.
I want to be petty about this. I have his phone number. And first name. . But I don’t want to be the A H because I’m better than he is. But I can’t hangout with my friends because of what he’s said and has continued to say. And it’s not okay. And I know that they are not really my friends and I’ve already let them know, I’ve blocked them. I’m not getting harassed by a sad lonely catfish all because I didn’t open my legs. F that.
What do I do? | It sounds like a lot of the frustration that you're having is because of your own actions leading up to it. Gonna say YTA, for all of it
Maybe wait longer than 5 minutes to send spicy pics. |
AITAH for kicking my sister out of the family Life360? | Family started a Life360 a few years ago, mostly because my mom wanted to know where my youngest sister was when she was not at school. Everyone joined, (nobody was forced)even my sister who lives across the country, why? fomo? Idk. Anyways, My older sister joined temporarily and then turned off her location.
This wasn’t an issue until I moved in back home with her and my family and started to notice she’s on the app religiously. I’ll be at the grocery store and get a call from her asking if I can pick something up for her, or I’ll be out of town and she’s text me “if you go to this place, can you bring me this”. At gatherings she’ll just have the app pulled up and look where everyone is at and give updates out loud to the whole room.
Needless to say I think she spends a lot of time looking at what everyone else is doing on this app. Here’s my real “issue”, when we ask why she has her location off she says it’s “no one’s business to know where she’s at”. Like what? I want to take her off but I know it will notify her so that’s why I’m hesitant. My parents don’t seem to care and think it’s better off like that to avoid her getting butthurt about it and resenting us for the rest of her life. This girl is VERY resentful! I just want it to be fair all around for everyone in it.
Should I take her off and tell her if she wants back in she needs to change her settings? Or should I just chill
Update:
Okay okay, getting mixed reactions here.
I do see how sharing locations is a bit weird to some people, but I share my location with a few friends for safety not because I think they might stalk me, nor do I think my family is a family of stalkers haha.
To us is just for safety since we drive long ways, I go out downtown and stay out late with friends and have drinks so if anything I’m glad that they can see where I’m at. Maybe my family is closer than others? It’s not like we don’t call if we need something or cut out communication, it’s just an app haha.
I’m not making up “rules” the whole point of the app is to share your location?? Nor trying to be a patriarch (if I was I wouldn’t ask for peoples opinions right?), everything was fine because everyone started off sharing location and joined. It wasn’t like she said “I’ll join but I don’t want to share my location” and everyone was okay with it.
My bitching isn’t about her being able to see where I’m at or calling me.. it’s about her not using the app for the purpose it was intended?
Anyways, I think I’m going to leave it but try to hint that she’s being a hypocrite when she does it again and call her out on her bs and see what happens! Thanks people | Turn off your location and just ignore her texts/calls. I would try delaying your response to her texts/calls….. by a few hours. |
WIBTAH if I were to date my toxic ex's twin brother? | I (F23) was in a six-month relationship with a (M31) after moving from Memphis to Omaha with him. Over time, it became clear that we were incompatible. He has bipolar disorder and displays strong narcissistic traits. During the relationship, conflict often resulted in him withdrawing affection, shutting down emotionally, or becoming cold. While much of the harm was emotional rather than physical, it was still deeply destabilizing for me.
During the relationship, I struggled to understand his behavior and how to respond to it. In a moment of distress and confusion, I reached out to one of his exes—not to sabotage the relationship, but because I felt lost and hoped she might help me understand his patterns or how to navigate them. Unexpectedly, this contact led to them reconnecting and resolving unresolved issues from their past.
I expressed to my partner that I was uncomfortable with them becoming friends again, especially while we were still together and trying to work on our relationship. He dismissed my concern, stating that they were simply clearing the air and that it had nothing to do with us.
I later met her, and she did not appear malicious or threatening. At that point, I tried to trust the situation despite my discomfort.
About a week later, he broke up with me. The breakup itself was not hostile, and I was not angry about the relationship ending. What became deeply upsetting was what happened after the breakup: he began spending extensive time with that ex, including overnight stays. Given his past pattern of overlapping relationships and what I had been told by others, it was reasonable for me to suspect they had resumed a sexual relationship.
This is where the situation escalated and became toxic.
During this emotionally volatile period, I became close to his twin brother who during the entire relationship would always apologize about his brothers actions and made sure I was okay.
Especially since the break up. I initiated first because he was showing me compassion something I hadn't felt for the entire 6 months I was with his brother. We flirted and it took an unexpected turn. We both like each other a lot but he's afraid of what his friends and family would think. Especially his brother since I'm his ex even tho the entire relationship he treated me like shit. Why would it matter if he treated me like shit, his brother steps up and treats me better? I don't even feel like I'm rebounding here. Someone else just showed me what I wanted and now he's afraid of being judged. | You have to know this is a really bad idea, right? Its his twin brother, nothing good will come from dating him. Move on. |
AITAH For going no contact with my whole family | TRIGGER WARNING. I have to word everything appropriately.
I female 31, and my youngest half sister 25, have to make the decision to go no contact with my whole family due to my predator adoptive brother.
Brief backstory, my 2 younger half sisters and I were adopted by their Aunt and Uncle. They already had their own children but felt they had to adopt us when the 3 of us fell into foster care.
Our Aunt treated me and my one sister as Cinderella. Had no patience for us and told me all the time she didnt want me and if I wanted to leave than my half sister's would go back to foster care.
When our Aunt caught her son really hurting me( in many different inappropriate ways), she told us to keep it a secret. I thought it would stop after me but it didnt.
He crossed extreme boundaries with my half sister (his blood relative but not the youngest) and like usual it was brushed under the rug. They even brain washed her to forgive him. He was late 20s and she was about 16. Everyone copes differently so I supported my sister's decision, but never forgave him myself.
As of last year he was 33 and was caught being extremely inappropriate with a Very very young female relative. Texts all hours of the night, comments about her looks and stating he was jealous of her guy friends and even her step dad.
The young childs mom, our adopted parents(aunt/uncle) and all his siblings, didnt want to pursue anything and kept it quite. They claimed he didnt mean for it to come off as creepy. Even when the child stated how uncomfortable she was.
Well my youngest half sister didnt approve. She brought it to the authorities and unfortunately they couldn't help. They told her he definitely was grooming her but there was nothing that they could charge him for.
Now our family states they love my younger sister and I but they stopped inviting us to every family function. They claim they feel bad for him because he still lives with his parents, rent free and no job.
So if either of us go to family events then they have to send him to his room or he has to leave the house. But all our sisters still bring their children around him.
It seems like they would rather their children around a predator than us. So AITAH?
| NTA! I don't have any particular advice but I'm glad you're outta there, and I hope your sisters realise the gravity of the situation and stop bringing their kids near him! |
AITAH for cutting off my best friend | My best friend(f) came into town to come visit me for my birthday. A month prior to this I got into a bad car accident that total my car so I was depressed because of the accident. I felt like I was transparent with F about everything that was going on with me, if I needed time to myself to smoke because stuff was getting too much or me getting frustrated that I wasn’t able to eat because I was depressed and having stomach problems.
I got a new car 2 days before my birthday. I went and picked it up with her and there were multiple problems with the car but they couldn’t take it back to fix it until the weekend was over. I was trying to make the best of it but a car almost hit me again and I freaked out, I was in the car stopped and my leg was shaking on the break. I told her this and when we got to dinner 3 minutes later she starts saying how much of a piece of shit my car was and that we’re taking it back to get rid of it. My cousin tells her maybe we shouldn’t be saying that stuff about my car and she stopped. At dinner I went to the bathroom to call my mom and just broke down to her about everything that was going on and I wasn’t able to eat. That night I told her it’s up to her what we do because I was feeling bad about not doing much when she came all this way. This is when I started to notice her acting weird she wouldn’t talk to me and then she went off and cried for a hot minute. I asked her what’s wrong if I could help and she told me she’s just home sick. I told her we could just stay in but we ended up going out to an arcade.
The next day she was acting off but I just thought she was hungover. I could not eat dinner so I was upset because I wanted to go out and drink but I didn’t want to on an empty stomach. I told F I wasn’t feeling good and since she was homesick why don’t we just stay in and have a night like we used to. Took a shower to refresh myself and my cousin and F surprised me with flowers and gifts. Which I loved but they gave it to me as I was in the shower. Apparently I didn’t react in the right way because F told my cousin “she’s still not happy”. But I was…
F texted me an hour before my birthday saying she was thinking of going home tomorrow on my birthday because she’s homesick and that’s the only way she knows how to fix it. She asked me if I wanted her there before this and I said yes. I was upset about this with already being depressed and having previous problems on my birthdays but I knew she was going through something so I was holding it all in. So I just went to bed that night.
The next day I got up early for my doctor appointment I was out by myself trying to make myself feel better and my cousin calls me to tell me F is staying and where am I. F did not tell me any of this. She starts texting me telling me she was going to stay and wants to make my day special but she doesn’t know and basically is asking me to decide for her which honestly pissed me off and I told her I can’t decide this for her. I got back home at 1:30 which is when F finally said happy birthday to me. I told them both I need to smoke BY MYSELF then I will feel better and we can do stuff together. F comes outside twice to talk to me about if she should leave or go. I told her I love her and want her there but idk what’s going on with her right now and if she’s feeling home sick to go home I can’t make this decision for you. She ended up staying and made the day worse. She ignored me multiple times when I was talking to her and when we went somewhere in the car she would be talking to someone on the phone.
Once F was back home I texted her letting all my feelings out and asked if there was something else going on that she wasn’t talking about and she doubled down and said it was her being homesick. Come to find out a month later(because she would take days to reply) and me pressing her more about it F did have a problem with me she thought I didn’t want her there and that I was unhappy the whole time. F also told me she has communication problems and that’s why she wasn’t telling me the real issue. Which is weird because in our 17+ years knowing each other she has never once told me that or made it seem like that.
As my best friend I feel like it shouldn’t have been this big of a deal and if she didn’t hide stuff from me things would have been different. She also ruined my birthday the year prior but that’s a story for a different time but I feel like 2 birthdays in a row made me question what’s really going on with us since for her birthdays I try to do everything I could for her to make it special no matter what I was going through. | Hope you’re not still skipping so many meals. You need nutrients to get your body and brain working better. |
AITAH for being happy being single and alone even though everyone thinks I'm secretly lonely | Hello everyone I'm a male (23) and for years now I've been very content with being a single guy and being in the company of myself. I've always been a introvert so the idea of just being able to go home after work and not have to have social interaction is amazing to me.
My parents are from a much different generation and time from myself so to them being content with being single and alone sounds crazy so they assume I'm lonely and depressed all the time. Which I'm not.
For the past few years there is this woman that they work with that they have felt like I should meet. I have always said no and that I was not interested but they kept persisting and crossing the boundary. Well recently my dad went up to said woman and asked her for her phone number for me. At this point it puts me in a rock and a hard place because if I don't text I'm a dick and if I do I cross my own boundary. This woman is 34 years old so almost 12 years older than me which at 23 is to big of a age differenence to be friends with and especially romantic with.
Out of politeness I messaged her and we had a very brief conversation. In this conversation she did invite me out to trivia with her and a few work friends of hers and even said we could meet a little before everyone starts showing up of which I accepted but then things just went completely silent I hadn't heard from her in 5 days even though I did send the last text in the conversation. In my mind I took that as maybe she wasn't interested after all (which who could blame her with a 12 year age difference) so I moved on.
Today is Tuesday which was supposed to be the trivia day for some reason my head was wired that today was Wednesday so went about my normal after work routine, fed my cats, took a nice 50 minute walk and after the walk I looked at my phone and realized no it was actually Tuesday and I was not gonna make it to trivia. I told my parents that this probably wasn't going to go anywhere and they didn't take it very well and basically said that since they are older they have more life experience and therefore know that I'm not content with just being single and in my own company.
In my heart of hearts though I am I don't need a relationship or huge friend circle to be happy. Now that might change in 5 years but I don't think that long term cause 5 years from now is not guaranteed. Now I know I'm at fault I should have paid closer attention to the date and sent a text beforehand saying I wasn't gonna make it I blanked though and that is completely on me. But am I the asshole in this entire situation? | NTA, you know what makes you happy, and being single and content isn’t something that needs fixing. Your parents just don’t get that enjoying your own company is perfectly valid. |
AITAH for not staying in bed to keep baby asleep? | Ok so my husband and I have a 16 month old. She sleeps in bed with us. My husband wakes up at around 5 am for work. He goes to bed around 9. I find it very hard to get things done with the baby throughout the day. I put her to sleep at 8, set up the baby camera and get to washing dishes, cleaning bathroom, litter boxes, sweeping, mopping etc. I do try and do all of this throughout the day but sometimes I can’t get anything done. Our daughter will wake up throughout the night whether I’m in bed or not, obviously when I’m in bed I can soothe her faster. So this morning husband woke up yelling that he never gets any sleep and that it’s my fault for letting her cry and not staying in bed. He said after the third time she woke up I should’ve just stayed in bed since I know he has to go to work. I do feel bad that he doesn’t get enough sleep but sometimes I stay up until he gets up for work trying to keep this place in order and I still have to get up with the baby in the morning.
Also want to add I do babywear to get things done. I also try to include my daughter in cleaning but there’s some things I just can’t do with her without her just sitting there crying. I feel like sometimes I’m cooking and cleaning all day and there’s still so much that I have to stay up to do. Like I don’t even get time to shower most days.
We also don’t have an extra bed room so there’s no where else he could sleep except the living room, but then I still wouldn’t be able to get up to do anything after they’re in bed. | You stay up until he gets up for work? Like, you spend the night cleaning instead of sleeping? This sounds more manic than healthy. You need to see a doctor and tell them about this. |
AITAH for telling my dad I want him dead? | Context for this one:
I am F (26), I live with my parents because we all live in a foreign country where it has been really hard to become independent, so it saves me some money to live with them.
We’ve always had a good relationship with the exception of a couple episodes in the past (16 years ago) where my dad was physically aggressive toward me and my mom.
My dad and I went together everywhere, he always helped me when my car broke down even if it was 2:00 a.m, came with me to do groceries and watched shows together.
My dad found out my mom (she told him) had an affair with one of her exes 23 years ago and since then our whole family life has turned to be so difficult. They’ve been together since they were 15 years old.
It got so bad; being physically aggressive with each other, my dad threw all of my mom’s perfumes to the street, they hit each other, to the point where last year I had to send my mom over to our home country because it was too much to bear, resulting in an argument between me and my sister. Fast forward to 2025, he left to Nebraska with the excuse of getting work, and he ended up coming back within two months because it was so bad over there.
My mom and I have always been really close. I knew about her affair before my dad did, she knows about my life, we are very open like that.
Last weekend my dad got in a state of mind where he started investigating my mom’s ex boyfriend, not even the one she had the affair with but one she was dating while they had been broken up. My dad is asking my mom for explicit details on her affair, on her relationships, while humiliating her and being derogatory towards her for all of this. She brought him a box of donuts home because she knows he likes them, only for him to be an asshole about it and keep digging at her with really bad words and terms.
I heard my mom crying hysterically and locking herself in her room, so i grabbed my car keys, and as i was leaving my room, I noticed my dad grabbed the box of donuts, following me towards their room. I told my mom to come with me, and as my dad was walking towards me, he threw the box at my mom and said “you think this is going to make it better?” She ran towards the living room, and they started being physical with each other again. My dad started yanking on her arm as she reached for me, so my first instinct was to grab a knife from the kitchen and threaten him that if he didn’t let go of her I was going to kill him. He said that I should do it then, if that’s what I wanted, as he kept yanking on my mom. He started choking her, and that’s when I threw myself over him, and started hitting him with the back of the knife, not the sharp edge, and when i noticed it wasn’t enough I used my bare hands. He dragged her to their room and i started screaming to let her go, I didn’t know what he would do to her. I started throwing glasses around. I threw a bottle of wine. Jars, everything that was within my reach. I made a whole mess in the house, there was glass scattered all over the floor, everything spilled, I even threw a jar of pickles and I regret that because it stank the place.
He let my mom alone to come for me, telling me that it wasn’t my business and that i shouldn’t interfere. I yelled to let go of her. That I was going to call the police on him and that he was going to rot in jail. That he was the one ruining our family and not my mom, and that he was still the piece of shit he used to be when he beat me and my mom so long ago.
He locked me out and i started panicking for a good 10 minutes before i remembered we have a spare key hidden in the yard. so i came back in and i yelled that the cops had arrived. and that if he didn’t let my mom out they were going to come and take him. He opened the door and my mom managed to come out, i dragged her outside with me and she told me to go back inside so we could fix this and at this point im pretty sure they both knew i wasn’t kidding. i started telling my dad that I hated him, that I didn’t trust anything he said, and that he had lost me, that he was dead to me. He started crying and telling me that no one understood how hard it was for him, to have everything he believed crumble down and not knowing how he was going to navigate this situation. I told him that it had been over two years since she told him, and that it had been over 24 years since it happened, and that him being hurt didn’t mean he had to go around hurting my mom and psychologically tormenting her.
He tried to hug me and I screamed so loud for him to
let me go that my neighbor came out.
He went back inside the house and i stayed out with my
mom, took her for food, calmed her down and i even moved a spare mattress to my room so she could sleep in it. My dad cleaned up the mess I did and went to sleep while we were out. The minute she saw my dad had turned off the lights she went to his room, spent the night there and left me alone. I had a crisis when this whole thing happened. I got in the way for her and yet she went back to him as if it was just some bickering, when it was traumatizing for me.
Now I’m upset because I realize they are never going to choose the common peace. They will keep engaging in their back and forth without even caring who they’ll hurt. I don’t want to talk to either of them, I don’t want you fix things, none of them have apologized and they act as if nothing had happened. My dad and I aren’t talking and my
mom asked me no to be mad at her. But I don’t think ai have that in me.
AITA for feeling some sort of way after this happened? And saying all those things to my dad?
I don’t know what I should do or how i should feel. | Hey, love.
You are NTA. Protecting your mom from his abuse does not make you an asshole. But it’s common for abusers to make you feel that way and for victims of abuse (your mom) to “side with” their abusers and make up excuses for them.
Talk to your mom when your dad is out.
Make a plan.
Both of you leave.
It sounds like he is escalating.
Be safe. |
AITAH For being too judgemental? | This is my first time posting to reddit, and its a throwaway account, because both these people use reddit alot. Sorry that this is so long
I, (21F) am currently talking to two people. We'll call one of them Jess(21F) and the other one Maria(20F). I started talking to Maria about halfway through last year (june, 2025) and i really felt a connection. We met up, went swimming and started having really deep conversations. She drove me home afterwards and we continued to talk, they even ended up coming to meetings for a group im in. On halloween, i went out to a club and i saw her there, it was a gay club, and she was with straight friends and was only ducking in for 5 minutes to see a friend. She introduced me to the friend(Jess), and left. I ended up sittung with jess, because it was my first time at a club and i was really nervous. We sat there for a few hours chatting about a few things, and i was really enjoying spending time with them. One thing they mentioned that really stuck out to me, was "Back away from Maria. Shes mine." Which i was a little confused about in the moment, i knew these two had been friends with benefits for awhile before maria met me, but the comment shocked me.
After another drink, the person i was getting a lift with was leaving, so i had to go. I tried not to think too much about the whole situation while drunk, bevause i didnt want to say anything to Maria yet. A week later at one of the community group meetings, Maria and i got talking, and we started talking about Jess. I told her not to say anything to jess, but i was concerned about the comment they made, because i was under the impression that something was going to happen between Maria and i. She said she'll talk to jess about it, which i agreed too because there wasnt much else that could be done. The next week, they told me that Jess was joking, then asked if i was autistic, which i am. I didnt take offense to that or anything, because they're autistic too. After that, i mentioned that i really enjoyed spending time with them, and i found them attractive, and Maria told me Jess thought i was attractive too. I've been single for over 5 years at this point, and although i promised myself id never get into a poly relationship again, i miss having a partner, so i started pursuing both of them. everything is going really well, we ended up going camping and messed around a bit, but there were alot of other people nearby so not much happened. I was really happy after that trip, and couldnt wait to see them both again.
I invited them both to my brithday, only Maria came which i didnt mind, but while i was outting away pressents my friends were all having a conversation about a show we all enjoy, and the characters in it. They then started talking about ships, and my closest friend, Angus, said "I dont care what anyone ships as long as it isnt illegal" And apparently Maria replied "Yeah but i think people should be able to ship whatever they want" Which may not seem like the biggest deal, but i dont want to be with someone that supports proshipping. I only found out about this a few days ago, and i plan to ask her about it when she comes over in a couple weeks. Everything was good up until around new years. Jess messaged the group chat we're all in and told us we can go stay at her house until new years eve (it was the 27th around then) And i said yes, because i thought some alone time with Jess would help us bond. I was also under the impression we would hookup, because of messages they had sent me. When i arrive she is sitting on the couch. She tells me to put my stuff down and sit wherever, so i sit on the couch next to her and sit my head on her shoulder. she dosent really have a reaction, dosent push me off, dosent hug me or anything, which im okay with. I give her the christmas pressent i made for her, (kandi bracelet and a watercolour panting that took me over an hour to do, also had a few stickers in there) And i didnt even get a thankyou, i hate to sound entitled but i spent alot of time on it, and i dont like unappreciative people, i end up letting it go thinking maybe they just forgot. They end up buying us pizza for dinner and i head to bed a bit after that because im tired. The next day i went home to get more clothes(1h+ drive), because i was originally only planning on staying one night. I asked them if i should buy anything from coles or woolies for us to have for dinner while im out and they said no. When i come back they order dinner again, which im trying to stay off takeaway at the moment, but its all i think there is to eat. The next day i ended up ordering us subway, because its slightly healthier. I didnt get a thankyou for that either, even tho i thanked them both times they got me food (i really value appreciation, especially in a potiential romantic partner). That night i notice a toy in the windowsill (fleshlight) And ask her how long its been there. Her response was "Awhile, i just cant be bothered to clean it" Which appalls me, i just kinda nod my head like i understood. Her room is also very messy. i dont mind mess, i actually cleaned some of her room, which she also didnt thank me for, but i just moved out of a toxic house that was a hoarder house, very messy, and i dont every wanna be near that again.
The next night at the new years party, everything seems to be going okay, Jess starts saying all this stuff about things that Maria, herself and i are going to do later,
which confuses me a little because they havent hugged me or touched me the whole time ive been staying at their house. I end up getting quite drunk early into the night (8pm) and Jess takes me to her friend(Holly, 32F), whose house we were at, to get her to sober me up. Maria followed Holly and i into her room, and we started talking. Holly ended up telling me that Jess "Hadnt really warmed up to me yet" and i was very upset, Jess has said i love you to me st this point, and has sent maria and i, in the group all these sweet posts about partners and things. i didnt say i love you back because i thought it was way too early, but it really upset me. Anyway, the rest of the party goes fine until Jess gets wasted ariund midnight. Jess ends up begging holly to sleep with them, and holly kept saying no. Maria and i had to take jess home, because she wouldnt stop asking. I went to help Jess get up to walk to the front door, and she said "Ew, get off, dont touch me" Which i was fine with, because they were drunk, but two seconds later asked holly to walk them to the door, which hurt because clearly its personal at that point. I message my friend and ask them to pick me up from Jess's house after we uber back there. in the uber jess held my hand the whole way back, which confused me even more. When i got there i packed my stuff and left as quick as i could. I havent really discussed any of this with them, bevause i dont want to ruin anything.
Am i being too judgemental? | Honestly… I don’t think you’re being judgmental, I think you’re clocking a ton of red flags and trying really hard to talk yourself out of them. The lack of basic appreciation alone would be a dealbreaker for me. Add in the mixed signals, the weird possessive comment, the cleanliness stuff, and the drunk behavior and yeah, this sounds exhausting. You’re not asking for too much, you’re asking for baseline respect. |
AITAH if i want to walk out from a "healthy" relationship because of bf's toxic mom? | I (28f) and my bf (29m) have been together for 3 years.
My boyfriend and I started living together about six months into our relationship. We lived in a nice townhouse apartment right next to his parents, who own the property. Early on, my boyfriend was transparent about having a difficult and unhealthy relationship with his mother and shared that he was in therapy because of it. I chose to continue the relationship knowing this, believing that I was building a life with him—not his family.
During our first year together, we both worked on personal growth. I sought therapy and professional help to address my own emotional struggles, and we made a conscious effort to improve our communication and relationship dynamics. Between the two of us, things have been stable and loving. We’ve had serious discussions about our future, including finances, long-term goals, and marriage.
The ongoing challenge in our relationship has been his mother’s involvement. Over the years, she has expressed strong opinions about who my boyfriend should be with, suggesting he should have a partner in the same professional field as him. She has also implied that I should change or expand my career path to better support his work, despite the fact that I am established in my own profession.
In addition to her comments, she maintains a high level of control over my boyfriend’s time and decisions, calling him daily—often for long periods—to give unsolicited advice and criticism. While living in the apartment owned by his parents, she would also enter our space without notice to speak with him.
In our second year together, we moved to a new home where his mother did not know our address. This distance significantly improved my sense of peace, safety, and emotional well-being.
Unfortunately, I recently learned that she entered our current home without my consent while I was at work. This crossed a major personal boundary for me and left me feeling unsafe and anxious in my own space.
While my boyfriend did not invite this behavior, I’m struggling with the reality that he has been unable to consistently protect our shared boundaries. The situation has made me question whether our relationship can provide the emotional safety and independence I need long-term.
Given these circumstances, I’m considering ending the relationship—not out of anger, but out of concern for my well-being and future. Would I be wrong for choosing to walk away?
| NTA. He's not ready to get out of the toxic relationship completely, and nothing you do is going to get him there any faster. It's a shame, but I think you're being very clear sighted about this. |
AITAH for being mad at my best friend? | Let me explain. We've been friends since elementary school. A few weeks ago, my long-distance boyfriend came over to my town to visit some family he has here (I've known him since kindergarten, 1 year of relationship) and I wanted my best friend to meet him. We went to a park and bought ice cream, and I invited our kindergarten friend group (we all know each other and we've always been friends) so my boyfriend could be more comfortable. My best friend made jokes about my boyfriend's skin tone all day long, and there was this moment when she pointed at a picture of him from my phone, and said "You got a filter on?" If the jokes were made at me, I would've been okay with them, since it's the humor we have together. But my boyfriend is a very insecure person, especially with his skin tone. He started crying when she said that, and went home. She apologized after, but I'm still mad. AITAH? | NTA.
She is in the wrong for making your boyfriend cry.
However
“ if the jokes were made at , I would’ve been okay with them, since it’s the humor we have together “
So this is yals humor… you wanted everyone to be comfortable. She took it a step too far but that’s you guys humor. She was trying to be comfortable around him too. It’s her first time meeting him too . |
AITAH for being upset with my manager | Me and my manager and new coworker, travel to different buildings to do process walks and identify any inefficiencies. Since we all travel together, we agreed on a system where for each trip we take together a person chooses where to eat. That way we rotate it and it’s fair
Today I was choosing and my manager is very picky about food and rejects anything outside of his comfort zone. This has been a reoccurring issue in the past and if he doesn’t like the food or doesn’t cater to his preferences, he’ll shut it down.
I chose a restaurant that was located inside of Walmart and it was on the way to the building when I mentioned that it was inside the Walmart my manager immediately rejected negatively and said nope, not going inside here. I told him that I’ve been here with coworkers and it’s a great chain restaurant. He said it’s inefficient to park at a Walmart and walk inside to eat.
I thought this was unfair, especially since it was my day we argued briefly as he overruled me, and proceeded to go to another restaurant catered to his preference, which was out of the way of the building he raised his voice in front of me and in front of my new coworker, who just started making everything uncomfortable
When we were eating, he asked me what I would like to eat for my birthday since our managers are required to take us out for our birthdays this honestly made me more upset.
This has happened more than once already and on multiple trips with my manager, where his decisions overrule mine, which makes the trip stressful and frustrating, and he tends to micromanage my work . Am I the asshole for overreacting? What should I do? He thinks it’s OK for What happened I dont | NTA. honestly, he's sounding kind of childish. as a grown adult, he should not be using his manager position to decide where you eat. sounds to me like he's just trying to eat at his places of choice more |
AITAH for basically telling my mum she didn’t do her job and then getting mad when she started crying? | Sorry if this seems all over the place, I just wrote out a whole thing then my phone died. Also im using a throwaway for this. Tw for mention of mental health issues, but there isn’t any details at all.
So i, 15f, (turning 16 in two weeks!), and my mum had an argument last night. It was basically over counseling. My mum is not the type to believe in negative mental health. Atleast in me. She’s the “go for a walk” type of person.
Over the years I’ve suffered a lot from mental health things. After I told a teacher some of the things that were going on my mum was told and my head of year urged her to get me outside of school counselling. I managed to get in school counselling, because I was 14 and you do not need parental consent for that. They also gave me some tools for when I’d have panic attacks in school and other issues which I was very happy for as I prefer to not hyperventilate in math (laugh please). My mum was always very against this. Her side was that i seemed fine and I didn’t want to draw too much attention to myself. And also that I could talk to her about certain things. To be fair, and maybe see her side: i always kind of refused to talk to her about anything, because her response is to get mad. I understand she was scared but it made it a lot harder for me to talk to her because she’d raise her voice and tell me it’s all in my head. I admit I was very vocal during these fights and was not afraid to argue with her because it felt like she wanted me to just make it go away. But the last year I try to avoid arguing with her and just do what I can without mentioning it to her. I was also reliant on school counselling because she did not allow me to see a physiologist or even our GP. She would also get mad when I used my timeout card at school (if I was having a panic attack I could go to the office during class and take 20 minutes) because they have to log it and so she could see it if I used it more than twice a day.
So the fight happened because I’m on school break and she asked if when i go back to school (im a senior now, sidenote) I’d still be doing counselling. I just said “yes.” She rolled her eyes and I pretended not to see and she raised her voice and asked why I still need it and I seem happy enough. This began a back and forth of her asking me a question, me not wanting to answer or telling her I’ve talked to her about it a thousand times and to stop trying to argue with me. These next couple parts are where I may be TA. I told her im not talking to her anout it because she never seems to get it, and that if she does not want to help me I will find it elsewhere. I also asked what she says when her friends talk about their children going thru things as big as I did, she said those kids have actual problems, like a broken family or someone dying. At this point i laughed because this was the same thing she always went to and it felt like she was trying to make me mad on purpose. It turned into a massive argument. I eventually said “if you really want, I can take care of myself. I don’t know why you do this.” I looked up and she was crying. I said sorry but she cried even louder. Then I got mad. I asked why she was like this and said no other mum does this.
Her point was I made her seem like a bad mother and she offered her help snd I didn’t wanna take it. My brother then poked in and said I was basically calling her a bad mum and that was slack. I just told her “im sorry, but you obviously do not wanna help me, im helping myself, i dont see a problem. Im not gonna stop doing councelling” and I just went up to my room.
I do understand she’s probably afraid and we don’t argue on a lot of other things besides this, excessively. My dad is on my side but a lot of my family members are telling me im the kid and I can’t just parent myself. They’re also mad because she thinks I was calling her a bad mother. Which I don’t really think that and I wasn’t meaning to call her that. My side is that im very independent, and im fine with doing all those things, but I’m mad because she doesn’t wanna help me, but doesn’t want me to get help in general? I also get mad when she cries because when I cry while talking about it she tells me to grow up and that im not being fair. Im starting to think I seem self centred or like it is for attention just because of how hard im pushing for it. I have the school councillor telling me “your brave for advocating for yourself” but every time I hear it I think of my mum snd I feel really embarrassed for some reason, like a kid trying to be an adult if that makes sense.
My dad has offered to take me to a gp and see if I can get referrals for help. I don’t really talk about mh to him at all, and he seemed to be very surprised when I told him about the argument. so im guessing my mum didn’t really talk to him about it either. My mum is also upset now because I’m going around her to do that. Im wondering if this is not a hill to die on and if I should apologise and move on.
The main thing is aita for saying that stuff about her parenting and getting mad when she started crying at the stuff I was saying.
Btw guys, so sorry about how long this is!, feel free to ask questions about anything there’s some info that I didn’t mention because I didn’t wanna make this post any longer than it is. I don’t mind questions about how the school counselling works, some of it it’s important to this argument.
All feedback, even if mean, is welcome. AITAH? | NTA - suggest she does counselling, because it's not normal to cry when your kids express independence and a desire to get help for mental health things. She could probably benefit with discussing this with a professional.
And you can stick to this line too - "Oh mum, I'm sorry, I'm not your therapist, I can't help you feel better about me seeking help for this. Maybe you should talk to someone?"
"Maybe you should talk to a therapist about why you're more worried about being seen as a bad mother, than your kid getting the help she needs?" |
AITAH for burning all bridges with my brother? | My brother (25M) and I (19 F) have fallen out. Some backstory to understand the dynamic, my mother (41 F) had my brother at 16, we have separate dads as his was totally controlling (she couldn’t have her own money and things like that) our mom left his dad when my brother was 3 she lost custody due to some legal forgery and no money for lawyers to fight it. Flash forward a few years and I’m born.
I grow up hearing about a brother I have that I’ll never meet and my brother grows up thinking his step mother is his real one and wishing he had a little sister (his words not mine). During this time my mother hasn’t seen my brother due to her being scared of his father.
When my brother reaches 18 years old his grandmother brings him to meet me and his real mother. This was 2018, he’s been around some, mainly hanging out with me and fishing or simply sitting around his house watching tv.
He has three boys the first one being born in 2022 and a baby mama that doesn’t like me due to her thinking very harsh things about me that are untrue, He talked to her about it and they broke up and he continued trying to have a relationship with me.
Flash forward again a few months and he has to move back in with his baby mama and he stopped talking to me all together. Literally for months absolutely nothing.
Well a few days ago he sent me a picture of him and his oldest after a hunting trip, he looked absolutely adorable so I sent it to our mom because that’s her son and grandson and she loves them deeply. And I genuinely thought he forgot to send it to her because he hasn’t spoke to us in months and he never said don’t share it, he didn’t say anything with it.
The next morning my brother texts me angry that my mother posted the picture to Facebook asking me why I’d share the picture with her and basically blowing up at me for our mom posting the picture. Honestly I didn’t know he had a problem with her posting it, again hasnt talked to me in months, And even then I’m not in charge of her social media.The only people who have access to her pictures are friends and the only friends she has is literally our close family.
I began texting him asking if hes talked to her bout this before, no reply, I ask why he’s so paranoid about our family seeing the picture, again no reply. By this point I’m loosing patience waiting for him to respond because I know he is seeing it and just choosing to ignore me. I begin ripping into him because he hasn’t spoke to us in months and he finally talks to me and it’s yelling at me for something he never told me not to do, that was based with good intentions, and something I have no control over.
I begin asking why he’s so paranoid, why he’s stopped talking to me, why he’s made plans with me then ghosted me not even telling me the plans are canceled, I asked him why he no longer talks to our mom. I finally ask why he hates me and mom all of a sudden because that is genuinely how it seems again no reply. I tell him he needs to act like an adult and communicate and say f You, he finally starts typing and all he says is “yeah f me” then he blocks me on everything even his baby mama.
Who’s in the wrong here? I tried to understand what the problem was and fix it and he ignored me so I lost patients, I’ve always wanted a relationship with my brother and supposedly he wanted a relationship with me but he’s going to ignore me for months then blow up on me.
I can see why he’s upset but he didn’t go about that in a good way what so ever, I shouldn’t have blown up but to be fair I started out calm trying to understand what’s going on.
Is it that he can’t deal with the family struggles of childhood so he’s blocking us out too? Or he’s brainwashed? Idk, AITA or is he at fault?
Edited to make easier to read and to add more information. | Off topic: so your mom lost custody due to forgery and then never saw her own son again. Wow. what a fucking bitch.
The only asshole here is your mother: I think you did an innocent thing sharing something with your mom (who is a piece of shit but you seem to be in denial about it). I'm assuming your brother never told you he doesn't want his mother to see any of his photos. SHE HAS NO FUCKING RIGHT (THE GALL ON HER) TO POST THAT PHOTO. She's a piece of shit.
Your brother is probably struggling with navigating this because his mother abandoned him with a guy who forges shit ETA: AND is according to her "was very mentally absuive". He may need more time to heal -- which would reopen the door for you (or he may never heal).
Tell your mom I said FUCK YOU |
AITAH for leaving my friendgroup | I 23F have three friends we'll call them A, B, and C. All three of them are my husband's lifelong friends' wives. I have been friends with A longer than the other two, the other two have only been around the past 2 years. A and I have a complex history of an off and on friendship, there's a lot of pasts there we decided to leave behind in 2025 and grow our friendship (which I was more than happy to do nobody wants drama at our grown age). Over the past year friend A had her rainbow baby and friend B had a baby along with her and her husband getting custody of his two kids from a previous relationship. Safe to say it was the year of change. I did my best to be there for friend B, after she had her baby, I took the two kids almost every weekend to either do fun stuff like skyzone and thrift shopping days or just lounging around my house eating our fav snacks and playing video games. Even during the summer hosting a small reception for her elopement in my backyard for our group, because she couldn't afford it due to financial struggles.
During this time, I showed up and showed out for my friends and their kids. I spent a lot of time, money and effort to make sure everyone felt loved and special (both adults and kids). Friend B was going through a lot going from having no kids to three and it didn't help the two she got custody of where from a very abusive home and didn't have the best emotional stability. I tried my best to be there and be a support system because I can't imagine what that feels like. Friend A and I continued to adapt healthy behaviors such as being open and honest about our feelings and having an open line of communication, Friend C and I spent some time clearing up some lies friend A had told her I said and becoming closer.
Now that you have some back story let's get into where I might be wrong. Our friend group has three big events every year. The Halloween party, Friendsgiving, and Christmas/ new years. This year with friend A having a baby towards the end of the year, friend C and I decided to host Halloween and Friendsgiving respectably. I told everyone when I would be hosting Friendsgiving and made sure work schedules would line up for the day. Two weeks before the event friend B told me she worked that day, even though I confirmed a month in advance that that day would work for her. So, I spent some time trying to work everything out. I sent a message in the group chat asking everyone what they would be bringing, everyone read it, but nobody responded. After a couple hours of waiting I sent a message to the girls that I felt disrespected because I always make sure to have good communication with whoever is hosting and nobody could do the same for me. At that time friend A was in a fight with her husband and he texted the chat they were no longer coming. I was confused and didn't understand why because earlier friend A and I were discussing if she wanted to make the turkey or if that would be too much. I texted friend A and she lost it on me, so I stepped away because I didn't know what was going on and didn't feel like being cussed out.
The next day she told me her and her husband were fighting, and he sent that out of anger and wouldn't tell her why. My husband messaged him and told me he didn't want to go because they weren't hosting. I was then the asshole because I told friend A, he can sit at home by himself and throw his own friends giving no one will attend because everyone would be at my house. I regretted it almost immediately after I sent it and after giving everyone some time to simmer down the next day, I sent a long apology to both friend A and her husband (separately) Friend A and her husband have a history of not showing up when I host events which is what led to that nasty comment.
Let's move on to Christmas. For Christmas I made each of my friend's hand crafted, personalized gifts. I love crafting for people, so I was super excited to give it to them and even more over the moon when they said how much they liked them. For Christmas the only friend who got me a gift was friend A, I wasn't expecting anything from any of them, so this came as a happy surprise especially when she handed it to me in a Yankee candle bag. It was a tomato plant scented candle. I only own vanilla candles or musky candles. Friend A has a history of regifting, so I don't know if it was originally for someone else or if someone gave it to her and she was passing it on either way to me it just showed how little she cared. especially when I saw she had gifted friend B a gold evil eye bracelet. It's not the amount spent it's the half assed gift, that showed how little she knows me after 4 years of friendship.
Now let's get to New Years. Friend C hosted and immediately when we got there, there was hostility in the air. Friend C has an older male German Shepard who has bitten my husband and I multiple times. The dog is most likely inbred and has one of his balls stuck inside him that never dropped. Her husband refused to get him neutered when the dog was younger against me and my husband's advice. Throughout the night we were made to feel osterie sized after the topic of the dog biting came up in conversation and we said that he bites. Friend A told friend C that I was slightly uncomfortable with being at her house due to the dog biting and I'm pretty sure left out the fact that friend B said "I don't like going to their house and wouldn't trust bringing my kids around the dog" but I digress. I told my husband I wanted to leave so many times, but he asked to stay even though he told me he was made to feel like he was intruding on them. The night ended with me puking in the bathroom due to drinking away that feeling.
Now let's get to now. January 2nd was my husband and friend B's husband's birthday, they always try and do something together, but he knew with the three additions they might do something as a family. Well friends A and B went out to dinner with the husbands and said nothing to us. We didn't get an invite and only found out the next day. That was my last straw. Finding out about that made us see that there are lots of dinners and hangouts we weren't invited to, and I just don't want to be friends with people who make me feel this way. My husband tells me my expectations are set to high and that all of those things I'm upset about are normal in a friendship and I need to just let it go. But I've never been in a friendship like this where I didn't walk away at the signs I wasn't wanted. So AITAH for walking away? | Choosing your peace over forced friendships is always worth it even if it feels hard at first |
AITAH for complaining to my brother that his son is playing with my underwears? | For context - my brother's son is almost 8. My family has to babysit him during his mother's shift at work everyday. My parents take care of him for half the day, everyday. I work in healthcare so I have to be on duty every day too.
So I have been noticing for a long time that his son keeps "playing" with everything in my room. I have been notifying my parents and my brother too that I do not appreciate it. It’s okay if it’s normal childplay but sometimes he tries to access things that have been specifically asked not to. Like my cosmetics, jewelleries, studybooks, laptop etc. But he keeps going back to "breaking the rules" just for the sake of it. He has already broken my two headphones, drowned my tab in his bath, painted my table blue and threw my stuffs out of the window. My brother has not replaced my stuffs or even asked to pay for those. My parents wouldn’t discipline him as the child is not theirs and they don’t want to be in trouble with my sister in law (who is quite vicious)
But today, after numerous attempts of me trying to ask him not to destroy my things - I have found out that he broke into my underwear drawers and I'm yet to track those out. I do not appreciate it at all. I have kept my room under lock previously but as my room needs to be cleaned everyday by our househelp - I can't do it for longer periods.
I have notified my brother sternly that I do not appreciate it and as an aunt, I do not want to punish this kid. So I was wondering, am I the A//hole? | I don’t think you’re the A-hole, but I understand your hesitation to punish him. At 8, he should know better, but it sounds like the bigger issue is the lack of support from your family in enforcing boundaries. You might need to have a more serious talk with your brother about respecting your space. If your parents aren't stepping in, maybe you can set up more clear and consistent rules for when he's in your room. |
AITAH f46 for looking in my partners m53 phone again when I promised I wouldn’t do. | Update:
We have reconnected over the last couple of weeks. Spent some time together and booked a holiday to Barbados for in 3 weeks time.
But I had messed up again. He has spent the last weekend at my place. But last night I was worried again because he now has his WhatsApp locked with Face ID also. I asked him. He said there’s nothing in there. Opened it and I looked through it.
He’s beyond mad this morning that I went through his phone again. He’s walked out again. Refused to talk and wants nothing to do with me. I don’t know how to go about keep making this worse and feeling insecure and checking on him all the time when I get chance.
Original Post: I have posted previously about 3 months ago that I 46 (f) found out that my partner 52 (m) of 8 years has been sleeping with people behind my back for the first 7 years of our relationship.
Bit of background. We don’t live together and live about 45 minutes away from each other. I found some messages on his phone hidden about 3 months ago. I was heartbroken thinking he had just been talking to other people. I then asked him what had been going on. Turns out he had been sleeping with other people (less than 10) up until about October 2023. This was when he came to the hospital with me for a biopsy on a lump in my breast and he said he realised what he was doing was wrong and he only wanted me.
Then about 3 weeks ago I asked him about another message I had seen that had been playing on my mind from May this year. Nothing sexual but a girl saying how much she missed him and misses what they have.
He then told me he had been seeing her from before the hospital and finished it last year (I’m not sure what month), so he was still seeing her in 2024. But he said he didn’t sleep with her. Just got bl*w jobs off her.
He said she had messaged in May this year trying to rekindle what they had. He says nothing happened and he hasn’t spoken to her since.
We talked at length. I forgave him all of this. He promised no more fucking around. Just us moving forward.
Obviously I have been really struggling with this. I have spent the last 3 months wondering why I’m not enough or what is missing or what I can do differently. I get anxious and feel insecure at times.
He’s shared his location, keeps me updated. Spends as much time as he can with me to put my mind at ease. And it was working. I was feeling much happier and secure.
Here’s where I may have messed up.
He knows I have been through his phone a couple of times months ago. He gave me the passcode. But then changed it again because I had been through his phone.
The other night we were out drinking. Both pretty drunk. Had a really good night. We got home and were talking for ages about all sorts of things. One thing explained was how in my phone his is pinned at the top and my emergency contact. And I’m nothing in his. If something was to happen to him I would have no idea. He could be dead and buried before I found out.
I went to make some food. And then continued chatting. I then mentioned about how I had been feeling anxious. And was it definitely just me nobody else. I asked (hypothetically) if I asked him to hand me his phone now could he hand on heart do so? That there’s nothing hidden or saved that would break my heart again. And he promised!!
I went back to finish the food and he was asleep. His phone was at his side. Not going to lie I had a quick whizz through his WhatsApp. But there was nothing to see.
When we got up in the morning everything was fine.
Then about an hour later he went to the bathroom. Came out mad. Packed his stuff and said I had been going through his phone again.
He left 2 days ago. Won’t return my messages. Won’t tell me why he is so mad. I don’t know what he’s thinking or what is going on. But think I have broken his trust again and I don’t know how to fix it??!!
Update: Advice still needed to fix this
He is still refusing to talk to me. I had a message on the day he walked out saying “I can’t live like this anymore. I’m done”
Since then I have sent about 3 messages pouring my heart out. Saying I did it out of fear not malice and we can work things out. He replied saying he just wants to be left alone.
We exchanged a couple of very bland unemotional messages on Christmas Day. I sent the usual good morning yesterday and heard nothing since.
I know he hasn’t really been up to much other than being at home and spending time with his kids as we can both still track each I just don’t understand how he can shut down and block me out like he is feeling nothing and I don’t mean anything to him?? | YTA. If you can't trust a guy dont be with him. For fucks sake move on. |
Update: AITAH for immediately saying "no" when my husband asked me to stop wearing earrings because he said they make a woman look older ? | Update to:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/GAyYs1SMzB
Before the update, I (43f) want to answer a frequent question:
My husband (41m) had said on Saturday something about earrings highlighting a woman's face. How it can highlight wrinkles. That's why he said earrings makes a woman look older. To clear up some confusion about how I word things. He didn't mean that if a girl or woman in her 20s wear earrings they end up looking like a grandma. By earrings making a woman look older he meant just older than if they weren't wearing earrings.
The Update:
I (43f) had decided that I shouldn't act like a pushover like I normally do. I decided that I needed to confront my husband about what he said on Saturday.
This morning I talked to me. He said he loves me and he said he's sorry that he hurt my feelings. He admitted that finds me less physically attractive then I was in my 20s and 30s. Not only because of my aging but also because of my adult acne. He said I'm definitely NOT ugly, that I'm still cute. He said he's angry at himself for caring about such superficial stuff.
He specifically apologized for asking me to stop wearing earrings. He said he honestly didn't think I would get so angry. I confronted him about other stuff he's said that sounded like criticisms. He said those stuff was just flirting and he apologized for being insensitive.
He told me loves me and he will never ask me to change anything about appearance again. I was honest with him about all the activities I was doing on reddit. He said he's not angry that I reached out for perspectives. He said it's fine if I talk to my family or friends about this. He said I need to feel more comfortable expressing how I really feel.
Something many women will find pathetic, I asked my husband how less physically attractive I am now. He said in my 20s and most of my 30s I was smoking hot. Now I'm a cutie. I asked him what will happen when I age more. What about when I turn 50, then 60, then 70, then 80. He said plenty of 80 year old woman are adorable. He said he knows he messed up royally but he is asking me to not leave him over this. He said he loves me and will love me forever. I don't know how to feel right now. | If he thinks he was flirting and you think he was criticizing, there is a major disconnect in communication happening. |
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