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AITAH for requesting that roommate pays rent for 1 month? | AITAH for asking my roommate to cover our split rent for 1month? We share an apartment with separate bathrooms. He had installed a bidet in his bathroom that burst on November 11th, 2025. It is January 12th as I'm writing this and we still haven't been able to move back in.
The burst pipe flooded the apartment, and a good chunk of damage occurred. He was liable for the accident as he didn't tell the landlord he was installing a bidet. While we've been out of the apartment for 2 months (and counting) we've still had to pay our split rent. I've had to live with my girlfriend 45 minutes away from where I work, while he has lived with his parents 8 minutes away from his work. IMO, he should be paying rent for the entire time we've been out of a home as well as paying for personal property damage for my things. I'm not making him replace or pay for any of my personal property since the repairs are going to be coming out of his pocket.
AITAH for asking him to cover one month of rent for the both of us? | If you were renting, you should have renters insurance. Basically all landlords require it. That should be covering your losses, not your roommate. |
AITAH for thinking I don't have to ask my friend to sit with me after my cat died? | I (16F) find out my cat died. I recently went on a trip to see family for 10 days and when I came back I couldn't find my cat Lo'ak who was 2. Me and my family found a door that we never open open and went looking for him outside. We have outside cats and some other cats sometimes come around, so when I found him in our cat barn by the bed I didn't know it was him. After 2 days, because we had to wait for a chip reader to come in, we found out it was him. Lo'ak wasn't my first cat. I had a black cat named Damon who had hit before 2 on March 11th 2024.
Now, I had been updating my friend on this as she (16F) had been the one to come and help me pick him out. This all happened from January 9th to January 11th. She had asked if I wanted to hang out that weekend and I said I'd think about it.
Now here's what happened. At lunch I thought she'd come to at least sit with me at lunch, even if I didn't want company. When I texted her she didn't answer so I called her, when she picked up she told me she was at her boyfriend's (17M) house taking a nap. I got pissed at this because my cat just died and she's hanging out with her fucking boyfriend over her friend of 5 years. I told her thos morning, January 13th, to not talk to me and that I was pissed at her. She asked why, she had to fucking ask why, and I told her it was because she chose her boyfriend over me. To which she responded that if I asked her she would have hung out with me but I didn't and that when we do hang out, I ignore her amd treat her like shit and that 99% of time I want to be left alone. I've been trying to reach out for comfort more since I usually just hide away and keep my problems to myself which leads to me breaking down and self destruction. I didn't think I had to ask for my best friend to at least come sit with me at lunch and I think I'm 100% in the right and not wrong for her fucking up, but I'm second thinking myself. I don't remember any time that she's mentioning that I treat her like shit or ignore her when we hang out since she's usually the one ignoring me.
So, AITAH for not asking my friend to sit with me after my cat died? Sorry for there's typos
Thank you to all who responded, I realize I may be in the wrong and just wanted to add somethings. I'm not trying to defend myself, but I thought I should add. She asked about this weekend and I said I'd think about it instead of just jumping at it because I want to hang because every time she's over she starts asking about weed and going to smoke until I give in or snap. We used to have a system when we first started being friends where we'd switch off who cuddles each other, and it turned from that to just me cuddling her to her bringing a big ass stuffy. I know she's not a mind reader and she has complained about that in the past, which is why I told her I was pissed now. She asked about this weekend, not lunch and I didn't think to and / or didn't think I'd have to. Which is another thing that stops me from asking for things I need because people always do the opposite if I don't tell them and if I do I feel like it's not something they actually want to do and that I'm somehow forcing them. I think it hurt more because she's been hanging out with her boyfriend a lot more instead of me. Hanging out together, she's texting her boyfriend or saying goodnight or talking about her boyfriend. Lunch she's at her boyfriend's house napping or doing other things. When she says she'll hang out with me at lunch it turns into 'shit sorry, I forgot and told (boyfriend's name) I'd hang out with him at lunch'. I don't like her boyfriend, and she knows I don't. It sounds manipulative when I say it, and I know it does, I don't mean it to. Just thought I'd add some details. Sorry if it's long. | People don't know what you need or want if you don't communicate. |
AITAH for getting mad at my bf for not helping me with the babies | my 17f bf 17m have been together for 3 year we have 8 month old twin girls
last week my bf told its not up to him to raise MY babies wen all i ask was for him to feed one of them as she wass crying n i was feeding the other one he got mad at me and said if i cant look after them why have them in the first place
for some back story we do not live together and i live with my nan and a few weeks ago i told my family i was struggling i was 16 wen i had them they were born extremely prem at 24 weeks i was in labour for 4 days and there was a chance non of us would make it out they spent 5 month in the NICU and i almost lost them a few times bare in mind he was nowere to be seen i got them home 2 month ago n i spend most days alone with them both as my nan is at work i told my faimly i was struggling to look after them he never helps and i felt they giving them up as i didnt know if i could take anymore i got tested and i have depression and anxiety and i get upset easly my family said they can help me more and i asked him to see them more and to help out with them as its hard to look after them both on my own he told me if its to hard why have them in the first place and that its my own falt for having them wen i have always wanted twin girls and i got told if i had an abortion i may not be able to have any more babies and i didn't wanna risk it i also may have never had my chance to have twin girls so i kept them n i love them both to bits
today he said to me he wasnt looking after MY babies bcs ota not his job and that i get paid for them so i should look after them
i told him he ether helps or he can f*ck off and never see me or them again he got mad at me and stormed out the house n now isnt replying to me
so AITAH | Go after child support and also talk to his family. Unless they are just like him. Updateme |
AITAH for telling the bf’s Boys about his “new” fetish after learning he lied to me about every detail! | We will call him My Man (40/M) as he claimed to want to be & I (43/F) dated for 1.5 yrs and the entire time he claimed to never have…”finished” whether for solo play or with me…and stated due to his MS that it had been a problem well over a year prior to him & I even meeting. He would cry and say he felt like a failure! Well, I was trying to be supportive and I’m naturally curious (neurodivergent)- I asked if he’s ever considered prostate stimulation.
At first, he was against it and even seemed angry at my idea. Asked if I had a weird fetish and I assured him I had never thought about it before now but it seemed to be a valid option/solution to his issue and simply wanted to throw the idea out there.
Well, a few months later, he told me he wanted to try it. He sat there while I researched for hours on How To and answered ALL his worrisome questions- including “would it make me gay?” I spent months reassuring him it didn’t make him gay bc it’s an act btwn a heterosexual couple. Shortly after that, he confessed to ordering a toy online and trying it out solo. I was super bummed as I wanted to be apart of it with him. But I understood. When I saw the toy in person, smthng didn’t add up. Let’s just say…It’s not a starter style toy. But I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
Within 2 weeks time, we had gone from slow and gradual “making love” (his words) play to a video he sent me of him ‘compulsively going to town’ on himself. Again, smthng didn’t add up. For 3 months all he would talk about was his NEW desire and regular sex (my style of passionate sensual love making) had completely come to a halt.
So my mind did what my mind does and started putting the pieces together (+ a lot of research). But he kept assuring me that he had never done this before, constantly saying that I took his “V-card”, and how our regular sex was the best he’s ever had and this wasn’t about stopping that part. Even tho it simply wasn’t the same anymore.
One night he asked me if I would Peg him. I’ll do anything to make someone I love happy so I agreed. However, on the way to the shop to buy the strap and supplies- I had a full on panic attack. Lost auditory senses, couldn’t walk or I knew I’d faint, my mind went spinning for about 15 min and was drenched in sweat once I was able to regulate back. He still begged me to go to the shop. We did. He was too embarrassed to enter so I went in alone (no biggie) but I nearly fainted upon exiting. We did our thing and was enjoyable in that it was special to me- smthng we truly bonded over. Or so I thought.
Our last time pegging, he said some things and I went into non-emotional mode and dominated his submissive desires until he finally for the first time with me reached external climax. I waited for feedback. Silence. He did muster the words that he preferred that style over the more sensual connected style which offers the highly intense male g-spot orgasm. Well, thru my research and clocking inconsistencies in his words + behaviors- I began asking all my questions that didn’t make sense to me. He now calls me CIA 🙄 — turns out, not only did he ask another girl to peg him years prior. But he experienced a trans woman (pre-op) for many weeks, before we met. His entire story claiming I brought the idea to his attention, bc of my curiosity and openness he finally felt comfortable even attempting any of it. All a lie. He couldn’t stop lying. He Admitted (more like I trapped his lies) to finally say he’s been using the toys for 2 yrs & exclusively watches trans porn x4+ years. I could barely keep the constantly-changing timeline straight. Oh, and he’s been “finishing” for years.
But he assured me that he loved me. I was heartbroken. He claimed to love me but manipulated the entire curated narrative to benefit himself. And I don’t handle misinformation well, to no fault of my brain. Needless to say, we broke up. I’m now trying to process how to ever intertwine love, sex, and trust again bc I can’t move forward until I do.
Well, last week he reached out and asked if we could hang out. I sent him a message stating the factual inner chaos he created within me and I was just looking for acknowledgment of that and ideally some accountability and subconsciously anything to help make it right. His response was I was making it too hard and he thinks we just have too much personality differences. Again, breaking me to my core.
Well, clearly this isn’t a sacred topic so why not let his inner-circle in on it too?! I told his 2 best friends and asked that they throat jab him if he ever refers to me as the “crazy ex”— buuuut am I the asshole?? | YTA - get your bs post outta here |
AITAH I don’t want to be friends anymore | Hello everyone, I am 19(f) and my best friend is 20(f). Let’s call her Jamie, she’s dating a 42 year old, who’s my friends dad, David. She met him at my house and they had tension which I thought was awkwardness but it might have been chemistry. I confronted her when I found his wedding ring in her car. HE IS MARRIED WITH TWO KIDS.
I told her to cut it off but she said it wasn’t my business. We keep getting in fights about it and she tells me I should support her and even tease her like a good friend. We’ve been friends since childhood but now I feel like I don’t recognize her and I felt more guilt when I hung out with David’s wife since she was hosting dinner for David’s birthday and needed help cooking. I told Jamie after I don’t want to be friends anymore. She yelled at me and said she didn’t need me and I’m a fake friend.
At party David left to the bathroom and Jamie followed him. His son caught them kissing and immediately announced it to all the guests cause he didn’t understand what was happening since he’s still a toddler. His wife is heartbroken and embarrassed and Jamie doesn’t even feel remorse.
Jamie found out I babysat his kids after his wife was filing for divorce and moved to her mom’s house. I felt so guilty that I babysat for free for her kids while she worked. Jamie is telling the whole school a twisted part of the story that makes me in the wrong. So now I’m wondering am I actually in the wrong.
Am I the asshole for not wanting to be friends or for not telling David’s wife about it? I feel really bad. | No, you’re not the AH. What your friend is doing is morally and legally wrong, and it’s understandable that you can’t support it. Ending a friendship when someone repeatedly crosses serious boundaries isn’t cruel, it’s protecting yourself. You don’t owe her your loyalty over the harm she’s causing others. |
AITAH for wanting to drop out of college despite my mother working hard to keep me in? | I’m a 17M and am currently doing a UK advanced computing course and I love computing, it’s all I ever want to do in my life however actually getting the qualifications for it is hell.
I need to wake up early every morning following the same extremely boring routine to go catch a bus that has incredibly inconsistent timing, sometimes being 20 minutes late and sometimes being dead on time. I can’t predict it and it makes my planning of when to leave the house to catch it very difficult. The bus is also pricey but is strictly necessary as I’d have no other way of getting to campus as it’s the next town over, with it costing about £80 monthly and the bursary to help fund that cost doesn’t even work and the system is incredibly awful, meaning the cost for a bus to a college I don’t really hugely like going to comes right out of my families pockets and I can’t fix the bursary because the support team to help with these issues barely respond with anything tangible.
I am also hateful of crowds and people, and dealing with people daily even indirectly really really mentally taxes me. As I am an introspective person and try my best to be clear with myself, a lot of my brainpower already goes to pondering of my future and wellbeing, whatnot.
The problem is if I didn’t have college I wouldn’t know what to do in my life and don’t just wanna blindly get a job, I just want something good for myself and definitely have the motivation to make whatever work, if I WANT it to work. Which with college, I don’t.
The classes are also baron. We just sit down and get told to do the work we need to do and hardly get taught, and when we get taught it’s just stuff my brain marks as irrelevant and I get shut out and fall further and further behind every lesson, catching up feeling futile to me also.
The college has been threatening to kick me out because I don’t make much of an effort to get there and I blame it on the buses, which half of that is accurate, but because of my own personal issues, half of it is simply me not wanting to go.
I’m basically asking am I being an entitled and ungrateful asshole? I really don’t want to be but I’m really not enjoying my life currently and want something I actually find tangible to sink my time into and stop living in this annoying cycle that I enjoyed for the first year but now the novelty is gone and I have about a year and a half more of this, and I want to pursue something better, whatever that may be.
I’m writing this on the bus right now too, so sorry if my points are a little scattered, but I can answer any questions to further clarify my situation. | >I need to wake up early every morning following the same extremely boring routine to go catch a bus that has incredibly inconsistent timing, sometimes being 20 minutes late and sometimes being dead on time.
Oh boy, are you in for a shock when you go out into the working world. |
AITAH for not moving my wedding date so my friend could attend? | I (40F) have been friends with her for about 20 years. She used to be my best friend, but she emigrated \~15 years ago (7–8 hour time difference), which naturally changed things.
Back then, we talked a lot at night. I was a single mom working part time but had very stressful life, had sleep issues, and was always “on.” Over the last few years, my life has stabilized: full-time job, healthy relationship, no more sleep meds, and stronger boundaries. As a result, our contact became less frequent.
About a year ago, I told her my partner and I are getting married. The date wasn’t officially fixed, but we had chosen one that felt right for us. She was happy for me, but said it might be hard for her to attend and asked if we could consider another date that would work better for her. She said she didn’t expect us to change it, but that it would be “nice” if we could.
After thinking it through, we kept our original date. Moving it earlier wouldn’t help her anyway, and postponing it was something we didn’t want.
Now I feel guilty and conflicted. I’ve always been a people-pleaser, and this was one of the first times I chose what was right for me and my partner. Instead of being excited, I keep wondering if I was selfish.
AITA for not changing my wedding date? | NAH. You have some social anxiety and people-pleasing to unpack, I agree. |
AITAH for not moving my carry-on from the overhead bin? | I was on a flight yesterday in first class on a CRJ-900. For anyone not familiar with this aircraft, the layout is 1 seat on one side (A), aisle, then 2 seats (C/D). The important detail is that in first class there are **overhead bins only on the C/D side**. There are **no overhead bins above the A seats**.
I was seated on the **A side**, so when I boarded I placed my standard carry-on in the overhead bin across the aisle above the C/D seats in my row. That’s the only overhead storage option for the A side.
When the couple sitting in the C/D seats boarded, they immediately told another passenger to move a small bag that was in the bin (it looked like a personal item that could fit under the seat). I didn’t say anything, but that seemed reasonable.
Then the woman pointed at my bag and asked whose it was. I said it was mine. She insisted I had to move it **because those were their assigned seats**, and acted like that automatically meant the overhead bin above them was reserved for them.
I didn’t argue or engage. I stayed seated and left my bag where it was. She continued loudly complaining about how “these are OUR assigned seats” and that I was taking “their” overhead bin space.
No flight attendant told me to move my bag, and the crew didn’t intervene at any point. For context, they seemed generally disengaged throughout the flight (for example, another passenger still had a tray table out with a laptop open using it during landing).
So, **AITA for not moving my carry-on from the overhead bin above someone else’s seats when my side of the plane has no bins at all?** | "Reddit, Am I the Asshole for acting like a normal human on a flight?" Come on man, is this just karma bait? You're an adult, right? |
AITAH for uninviting my friend from a girls trip? | So basicall, me and 4 of my friends have been talking about going on a girlstrip for over a year now for when we graduate this year.
Weve just started planning everything and one of my friends is trying to convince us to reduce the budget because she wont have enough money for the current budget (around £900pp for 5 nights in croatia, this is including food, activities, flights, hotel, genreral spending etc).
i said okay fine and reduced some things by a little so the budget would be like 750-800 pp and shes still said thats too high. Now the thing is, thats pretty much the lowest you can go if you still wanna have a good time.
She said the most she can get is like £500. Which is definitely not enough. She said it would be possible if we only eat at cheap places and if we take a layover flight (which would take the journey from like 2.5 hours to at LEAST 6) and if we dont go out to clubs/bars.
But thats not even a holiday at that point. Id rather stay at home than spend 500 just to sit around all day and eat mcdonalds.
I told her its not possible and she told me to think about it.
So me and my other friends thought about it and basically just told her that sorry were uninvuting her because we want to go all out for this holiday and we dont wanna go to a country just to say weve been there, we wanna actually experience unique things there that we wouldnt be able to do at home.
She got so mad at us and genuinely hasnt responded to our messages for 2 weeks. We see her at school but she ignores us
Edit: by graduation i mean from 6th form not uni my bad guys 😭 | NTA
U want a full package holiday so that's ur right, she could just say "sorry that's overpriced for me" |
AITAH for choosing to call it quits with my bf because of what he says is a misunderstanding? | I (31f) have been with my bf (32m) for 9 months. We’ve known each other for 18 years since we were kids basically. We’ve tried dating twice in the past once when i was in high school and once when we in our early twenties.
The reasons things didn’t work out those two times are because the first time he cheated and had a whole other gf. The second time was because I was going through a difficult time in my life and I didn’t have the capacity to care for someone else, let alone myself.
Up until our recent relationship, in between those times up, we’ve always just been friends who occasionally went out to a movie or dinner and maybe messed around if we both were single. This most recent relationship we’ve been in has been the best relationship we’ve had and the longest that lasted.
We had been getting along great with only minor hiccups or times we had to talk things out. 9/10 if ever we had a problem in our relationship, we’d be able to talk things through.
So last month what transpired was that I found out his ex gf spent the night at his moms house (he lives back with his mom after we lived together for 5 months) and I found out about it after looking through his phone. He told the reason was to take her to the airport in the morning and that he slept on the couch and she slept on the bed. He said his mom ultimately made the decision for her to come over and it was out of his hands.
I explained to him that I was hurt because he didn’t tell me any of this transpired and I had to find out by seeing it in his phone nearly a month after it happened. He admitted his fault in not telling me but swore to me nothing happened between them.
I also saw he texted his other ex that he was in a relationship with, even though he told me at the beginning of the relationship that he told her about me. His reason behind that he said was that because the first time he told her, she wasn’t listening, so he told hers again… months later.
I knew about these exes and never had a problem with his relationship with them because I trusted him when he told me he barely talks to them or rarely sees them. What I saw in his phone shows me that I could be wrong to trust him. But i still gave him another chance.
I actually decided to call things quit two days ago after I caught him in a lie. He claims it be a miscommunication. The way things happened, I’m not really sure what to about that
What happened was while we were on the phone, I was explaining to him that I was still hurt by what he did and why now looking back in retrospect, some of his actions are questionable. I brought up an incident that happened about 4 months ago when I was doing his hair and he was on his phone. While I was doing his hair, I wasn’t really paying attention to his phone but for a sec when I looked up I saw on his phone his open picture gallery full of naked.
I didn’t get a good look to tell if I could recognize any of the girls and he assured me it was girls off of adult entertainment sites. I trusted him. So fast forward to the other night, I brought up that incident because I felt like in light of everything that’s happened, that was very suspicious. Then he told me those were pictures he was looking at thru the internet on his web browser, not his phone gallery.
But I vividly remember seeing his picture gallery layout. He was going to swear by it until I vehemently denied that being possible because I vividly remember seeing the phone gallery display and I have the same brand phone so I’m very familiar with the what the picture gallery looks like.
He then swears he meant to say phone gallery, and that for a moment he didn’t remember. Thats when I hung up the phone. He’s been texting me these last couple days begging to get back together. The last thing he told me was that I hurt him. And right now I’m starting to not really know what to feel. So am I the asshole? | NTA when people show you who they are, you really should believe them. How many chances are you gonna give somebody that clearly has so many red flags?
Breaking up is a good idea. I don’t think you two are on the same wavelength about what a real relationship looks like. Good luck. |
WIBTAH if I ask my mother-in-law to pay my fiance’s half of the bills? | My fiance and I have been together for 14 years and started dating when I was 18. He was employed and we split bills fairly based on income for our entire relationship after moving in together up until he lost his job 2.5 years ago. Since losing his job, he decided unilaterally that he was going to ride out his unemployment, which lasted 10 months. I made it clear that I couldn't afford our bills on my own.
His mom is very well off, made her first million at age 30 and does very well for herself. She regularly travels, has sent us on a few trips when we're able to take time from work, and is always his backup when money concerns come into play. I don't like to rely on her help more than absolutely necessary, because I believe we should be able to take care of ourselves, both being in our 30’s. Since his unemployment, she's been paying one bill which is $522. This has been very much appreciated by me, I am super grateful for the help.
However, that still leaves me the entire mortgage, utilities, internet, groceries, etc. to pay 100% on my own. 2.5 years later, it’s getting unmanageable. I have things I need to pay for that I can’t because I have to dedicate so much of my checks to household expenses. When I mention money stress to him, he will say that he’s looking for a position and should have something soon and that his mom is always happy to help if we need it.
WIBTAH if I told him he needs to ask his mom to pay 50% of the bills until he finds a stable position? In a way, I am hoping this might further motivate him to put effort into his job search. On the other hand, I really do need the support in order to afford my car insurance, fix my car (something is going on with it, he says he’ll work on it but it’s been weeks and he hasn’t done a thing yet), start paying my parents back for the loan they gave me to purchase the car, etc.
Edit: To answer some questions coming up frequently…
What has he been doing the past 2.5 years? He taught himself how to build, fly, diagnose and repair drones. This is an employable skill, just waiting for the actual employment to come from it…
Who is technically on the mortgage? Him and his mom are technically the ones who own our condo, though it’s been paid from my account from the beginning. She said she would transfer it to me after marriage, but I’ve been putting marriage off, for obvious reasons on top of additional concerns with marriage in general. | Why are you staying with a hobosexual |
AITAH for getting mad at a wedding date? | Am I the asshole? My fiancé and I finally decided on a date to get married, (March 14th 2026). We picked a venue, planned everything, and invited all of our friends and family to the event. I picked 3 of my friends to be my bridesmaids and my mom as my maid of honor. Everyone was so excited for our wedding and ordered their dresses and told me if I needed any help with the wedding they would be there in a heartbeat.
We’ve been planning our wedding for roughly 3 months, when one of my bridesmaids who was offering so much help and said that she couldn’t wait for my special day, invited me to an event on Facebook last night. Her and her fiancé have been engaged for almost a year and a half and also had a baby during that time. Nothing was said to me about them planning their wedding any time soon or even picking a date. I went and checked the event invite and to my surprise she set her wedding a week before mine, (March 7th 2026) even though she knew everything about my wedding because she’s in it as a bridesmaid.
This just doesn’t sit right with me because the whole time I was planning my wedding she was acting so supportive and excited and it was complete radio silence on anything about her getting married. I feel like she is trying to “beat me to the punch” and take attention away from me for my wedding. I asked her about why she planned her wedding so close to mine and she said she wanted to get married as soon as possible to try and get health insurance from her fiancé and it was “the only date available” that soon. I truly thought we were friends and I just don’t feel as though a true friend would help with your wedding and then jump on making her wedding happen a week before mine. Idk maybe I’m just being too sensitive about it.. am I the asshole?
Edit to add: She has made comments to other friends about how they got engaged before us and should get married before us. She also knows (we are young and broke) we live 5 hours from where we are having the bachelorette party/wedding (fiancé is in pharmacy school far from family but we are moving back to that area after he finishes school) and are unable to travel back 3 weeks in a row so now our bachelorette party has to be canceled (it was 2 weeks prior to the wedding), we also can’t get off work 3 weeks in a row. She booked her date and venue AFTER we had already booked, sent out invites, and started the planning. To me it just feels a little vindictive. She was mean girl in high school and did things like this all the time so I can’t help but feel that it is intentional. She is my fiancés best friends fiancé so we are more friends by circumstance but I don’t have a lot of girlfriends so to balance out his groomsmen I asked her. | If people didn't make such a big deal about weddings, we'd have fewer AHs. |
AITAH for breaking up with my bf of 8 months? | For context, I am a 24F and he is 22M. We had been arguing a lot over a couple of weeks about how he wasn't spending much time with me already then I got sick and it became basically me alone and I had been bringing it up and nothing was changing. Then I got mad that nothing had been changing and let him know that and the conversation got toxic on both ends of it and we felt like we reached an understanding on that topic.
The next day he decided to bring up that he was uncomfortable with me having a snap conversation with one of my male friends instead of snap text conversations. I had expressed to him that he is not the only person that I have snap conversations with and that he doesn't and has never seemed to care about me having snap conversations with any of my friends until this one. For context we have both throughout the 8 months been very open to friends of the opposite sex as long as they and we were respectful of the relationship do this really came out of nowhere.
I made it clear that I wasn't going to change how I was communicating with my friends just because he didn't like it all of the sudden because this felt like it was a trust issue with me and his way of hurting me or something for the fight the previous night. I had only just readded this friend 4 days prior and he would generally start messaging me through snaps and I would just respond out of habit in a snap. It wasn't anything sexual or romantic we literally just would talk about playing video games together. To me it felt as though my boyfriend saw I was getting friendly attention from someone else and got insecure about it and instead of asking for reassurance tried to control me to make himself feel better.
I have always been up front with him that once I have no trust for you there is no relationship and he had lied to me about a few things that weren't super significant but still made me question his honesty and wether or not I should trust him.
Fast forward to the next day he said not to bother bringing the conversation back up and that he was going to take initiative and I asked him what he meant about 3X before he responded with "idk but I'll figure it out" I was like that's weird but okay. Then his camera had turned off and I asked what he was doing and he said nothing so I just left it alone. I then get a message from my friend saying that my bf added him. I didn't have a problem with him adding him, however I did have a problem with him lying to me when I questioned what he said about initiative and that he tried to hide it from me. I told him that he should have been the one to tell me and he said "I couldn't at first but you didn't even ask me after he told you, I would have told you then". I responded "you should have told me when I asked not after someone else told me". And I took a couple hours to think.
I then decided that I couldn't trust him and our relationship was going to get toxic to a new level if it continued so I cut it off. AITAH for not just asking my friend to text me instead? | nta |
AITAH for refusing to pay for an out-of-network therapist after I tripled our insurance premium for free mental health/therapy coverage? | My wife has depression and mental health challenges, so she regularly receives therapy to help with that. Our previous insurance, had a benefit where providers that were in-network would only charge a $50 copay per session. However, my wife refused to take advantage of that and would insist on doing therapy sessions that cost $180+ a session. These were very expensive, and it was frustrating to me knowing that we could get coverage for $50 a session.
Finally, at the end of last year, she did research to find an in-network provider and found someone, as I had been asking her to do for years. After she's had that coverage for 3 years now, she finally decided to do so, and she scheduled her first appointment for January of 2026, the next year.
As many are aware, at the end of last year, the government decided to end healthcare marketplace subsidies, which made the healthcare costs of most Americans on the marketplace more than double. Many people have lost their healthcare or are unable to afford it any longer. Gratefully, we are not in that situation and can still afford healthcare despite increased costs.
Unfortunately, in our case, it has tripled our monthly premium. We were paying a little over $250 a month, and now we are paying nearly $800. I spent months researching different options and alternatives, reading through multiple marketplace and outside marketplace options, and the coverage and benefits they offered. Over two months, I studied nearly a dozen plans extensively and even uploaded the summary of benefits documents to multiple AI models to break down what was covered and what wasn't and what would happen in any number of emergencies or situations. This entire time, I was praying the government would take positive legislative action when it comes to healthcare for millions of Americans, which they have not.
Ultimately, we decided that off-marketplace options would not ensure adequate coverage in cases of emergency and decided to bite the bullet and triple my healthcare costs. One of the few benefits of this new plan, despite tripled costs, was that it would cover the cost of mental health services for in-network providers, which means that my wife could get as much therapy as she wants for free. After consulting with my wife, I decided to get a plan that costs extra per month for this specific benefit.
Unfortunately, the therapist my wife booked an appointment with would no longer be covered by our new insurance. Although she booked it at the beginning of this year outside of last year's coverage, we discussed that she could go ahead and at least see this therapist once and cover the cost upfront, but then afterwards she would have to try to see if it could be covered by our insurance or have to find another alternative that would be covered.
Well, it turns out this morning that she completely ignored what I had asked of her and had decided to not only book just one but book multiple appointments with this therapist after that first session. This was even though I told her that the cost is not justified, especially when we can get free coverage from dozens, if not hundreds, of therapists under our current plan. Not only that, she did not tell me about this until a few minutes before she left for her appointment. I feel this was a severe breach of trust, having done something behind my back, against my wishes, and informing me when it was too late to do anything about it.
We are already paying nearly $800 a month for insurance, and now she is insisting on spending another $120 per session, which comes to close to $480 a month extra. In my opinion, this is not a feasible or sensible option, especially when we already have coverage, and the cost is completely covered. Since I refuse to pay more for what we are already paying for, she went and asked my father for the money and received it from him instead, bypassing me to get her way.
I find all of this deeply frustrating and disrespectful. I understand that she is struggling emotionally and mentally. I want her to get help and am doing the best that I can to ensure she has help available. I am going out of my way to provide for my family in a severely broken healthcare system. Instead of appreciating and taking advantage of this, she is just doing her own thing against my wishes with money we do not even have. I feel asking for the money from my father is taking advantage of his kindness and an excuse to get what she wants at the expense of what we can afford in our situation, which is already a lot more than many people in the first place. It is deeply irresponsible and upsetting to me. She is unapologetic, defiant, and insists that this is all completely fine and that I am the problem here.
Am I the problem here? | NTA. Your wife is the problem. It would be different if she had been seeing them for years but after only two sessions? |
AITAH for being upset with my brother and his wife for constantly letting me down? | I'm 18f, brother "Ridge" is 21m, his wife "Jackie" is 26f. I'm sorry if this is a little long; most of the length comes from the context. Throwaway account because I'm not on here much.
Every time I try to rewrite this, it seems that I've started in the middle of a sentence, and it's confusing, so bear with me and the girth here. I'm very sensitive to sound, and I live in a shitty townhouse with my mom (44f). The walls have little to no insulation, so I can hear everything the neighbors say and do. Sneezing, farting, groaning, watching TV, ect, and it was worse in my bedroom, so I've been sleeping on the couch in the living room. It's quieter, but the couch hurts my back. I have been there for about a year now. When Ridge lived with us (he moved out at 20 in 2024), he contributed a hell of a lot to the noise issue. He was obsessed with his Xbox. From the moment he woke up to 6 am the next day, he was playing. When he laughed, his high-pitched cackle ricocheted off the walls, down the stairs, and straight into my eardrums 20x louder than it actually was, or at least that's what it felt like. Both Mom and I talked with him about it politely, and he always said the same thing, "Sorry, sorry, I'll be quiet." he was never quiet. He made living here such a nightmare, way more than the neighbors ever have.
When Ridge moved out, I took over his bedroom. Worst mistake of my life. His bedroom buddy (wall neighbor, same wall - no insulation) is a gamer too, and he doesn't shut the fuck up either. On top of that, the room is riddled with the scent of a sweaty gamer, and no amount of candles could save it. That's when I went to the living room.
December 23, 2025, Ridge and Jackie got married. I was the photographer, and they said that they would pay me (I'm not a professional by any means, but I'm definitely not a rookie). They didn't end up paying me because they didn't have the funds. Neither of them told me that until two or three days before the wedding. They were married at the church, and everything was second-hand from family members or bought from a thrift store.
It's time to get into the story now, but if you're confused, I'll provide as much context as you need later on.
Last year, early November, Ridge and Jackie found out I was sleeping on the couch. They know how sensitive I am; Jackie is the same way. That's when they offered I move in with them. Originally, it was going to be in a two-bedroom apartment forty-ish minutes from home, and I was absolutely okay with that. They took me to visit the apartment, and I instantly fell in love. No sneezing, no creaking, no groaning, and we would be neighbors with Jackie's mom. I fucking love her. I was excited. I might go as far as to say ecstatic. Jackie said I could take my cat and bearded dragon (both take up barely any room, and they're as quiet as a lethal fart). I was going to be a janitor with her at the church, and I was going to clean the apartment and help with groceries. I was finally going to get some sleep.
After the wedding, they decided that they weren't moving to the apartment. You think they would have talked to me about that, considering I'm over here sitting on a brick ass couch, counting down the days for peace. Jackie decided that they're renovating and moving into her mom's old trailer somewhere completely different. Two bedrooms, two bathrooms, plenty of room. They are childless. They dropped that bomb on me as they were bringing me home from a Christmas party, but they still told me I'm moving in.
I have my things boxed up and ready to go. I even donated a lot of what wouldn’t fit. I did so much, only for Jackie to come at me last week and say, “Yeah, it’ll mainly be a guest bedroom. You can stay one or two nights a week or something.” My heart is shattered at this point. I was excited to get away from my mom (no shade to her, I’m just tired of living here), and I was looking forward to a new chapter in my life.
After that, Jackie told me I could have her old bed because they had just bought a brand-new one. Fantastic. A week goes by—nothing. I call, I text, I check in. I wasn’t being annoying about it; I’d die if I were. Still nothing. Then, on Tuesday, Ridge texted me. "Hey! We have to get this bed out of here today. Can I bring it over?"
I respond with, "Yeah."
He told me they'd be here in the afternoon, but they never showed up. At midnight, he texted me again, saying, "Sorry, I got wrapped up in fixing up the trailer. I'll bring it over tomorrow around 7 pm." Again, they never showed up. I'm beyond frustrated with them. It took everything in me not to crash out, lash out, whatever the fuck until my mom asked me what happened.
I yelled, I said some things, and I was angry. As I'm typing this, the neighbors' dogs are going apeshit. I just want quiet.
Now, after Ridge and Jackie made it clear that I'm not moving in with them, Mom gave me her room. She's a trooper; she's staying in the living room.
TL;DR: I'm noise sensitive and stuck sleeping on a brick of a couch in a paper-thin townhouse listening to every sneeze, fart, fuck, and freak. My brother and his wife led me on with a "quiet new life". Told me I could move in, bring my pets, I packed my whole life away and donated a bunch of stuff, then they pulled the rug right from under my feet and said my bedroom is just a guest room now. They no-showed me twice when they made plans on bringing me a bed. Now, my mom gave me her room, and she's sleeping in the living room.
I feel like an asshole feeling this way about my brother, but maybe it's just the situation. I'd still like to know if my feelings are justified or if I'm being dramatic. Thank you. | Your feelings are completely valid, your brother and his wife repeatedly led you on and made promises they didn’t keep, and you went through all the effort to prepare for this move. Being frustrated, hurt, and angry in this situation is 100% normal. You deserve your peace and a living space that respects your needs. |
AITAH for asking my wife to stop wearing tight outfits for work due to her itches not getting cured instead getting prolonged? | Using a throwaway account since this is such an awkward topic to address. I didn't know whether I should post this or not but here we go.
My wife likes to wear tight outfits for work from casual, semi-casual to professional. It makes her look good and powerful to carry out day-to-day responsibilities.
But ever since the winter, she began to have a bacterial infection around her pelvic region, armpits and her near arse. At first, we thought it could be cured with medications. And she followed that too.
But it kept re-appearing instead of going away. Our sex life is affected but that's secondary, I was concerned about her health..
After going to and fro about this, I realised it's her outfits that is not helping her cause. She's a sweaty person in general and this as well is adding up to her difficulties.
So, not wanting to appear as controlling, gently suggested to look for different outfits atleast until her infection is fully cured. But she didn't listen. Instead she kept using the medication to stall the infection while continuing to wear those damn outfits again.
I am at a loss. I didn't want to bring this up in front of the doctor since it's definitely her choice, what to wear and all. But she is leaving me no other option. I am worried.
AITAH for asking her to stop wearing those outfits in the time being? How else should I convince her before involving the doctor? | Don't ask her to stop, ask the doctor if there are any fabrics that may be contributing to the problem and let the doctor advise if loose cotton and linen would be better than tight acrylic or polyester.
Your wife can then decide if she wants to follow the doctors advice or not |
AITAH for not wanting to form a deep bond with dad’s gf and daughter | I (23F) live abroad and I come home for christmas and summer. My dad (60M) got a new gf (40F) about 2 yrs ago and he gave her papers during this time. Not gonna lie, she is sweet but was a little overbearing at first and I’m not used to that bc my dad has been divorced from my stepmom for almost 10 yrs now so it was just us. Her daughter (14F) is here visiting (bc they’re from my dad’s native country) and my dad is trying so hard to force a connection. I’ve barely spoken to her bc she’s always in this room that’s kind of like a mini apartment, so I barely see her, and I’ve been going on about my own life spending time with my other family members and friends here at home but he wants me to talk to her, take her out etc and I feel mean for saying this, but I’m just not interested. It’s a huge difference when you’re an adult because my stepbrother and I first met when we were both kids so it was easier to form a bond and we grew up with each other, still do. I’m engaged so I have built my own little family with my fiancé and our cats and Idk this whole thing just doesn’t make sense for me to engage in actively especially because I don’t live at home anymore. My dad’s track record is not the best so I don’t like being caught in the crossfire and I’ve just stopped caring about his love life. I know for a fact I’m probably perceived as rude by them but that’s just what happens when all the partners come and go, just stopped caring about building a relationship with any of them.
Edit: I listened to the ones who said it wouldn’t hurt and made plans with her to go to the mall. She does seem like a sweet girl and she is young so why not just try at least. | NTA, i don’t think you’re wrong for prioritizing your fiancé and the family you’re building. that’s where your long-term emotional investment is now. i feel a little bad for the 14 y/o but she isn't your responsibility and imo its even harder to form a connection at this phase since the two of you didn't really grow up together |
AITAH for breaking up with my boyfriend after he let his friend sleep in our basement? | My ex boyfriend (32m) decided to let his friend stay in our basement for a few days.. whatever I was given no choice. He stayed for a couple days mostly sleeping on a made up blanket bed on the floor.
He finally leaves and my ex refused to clean up after him.
So I’m downstairs cleaning up after this man when I find a whole 💩 in a box in one of our old clothes bins.
I’m fuming because wtf 😳 I tell him to go clean it up and he flat out refuses! I’m pissed!
Obvs both these men are not okay in the head because what is my life right now!
So am I the AH? | Nope. If he won’t be responsible and prefers to make you clean up after him there’s really not much you can do but leave rather than be treated badly. |
AITAH I don’t reply to my relatives? | So, relatives from mom’s side are great and I’m in a good relationship with them, but my dad’s side is just ew.
Mol told me how father’s mom was doing spells against us, talked shit about me….and tbh, I’m not surprised because each time when I would visit dad’s grandma, she would act first ten mins nice, but then turn into some arrogant,cold, annoyed bi\*\*\*. I never liked spending time at her place, I’m sorry, but she was hiding sausages from me and feed me with raw patties.
And dad’s mom treated my dad very shitty until she found out that my dad makes good money. Now she is using my dad, manipulates him, tries to make my parents breakup (tbh she always tried to), so yeah…
I disrespect her and don’t ever want to talk to her again, my dad always asks me to call her or message her and he is tbh very sad that me and my brother are in a good relationship with mom’s side, but in a cold zero relationship with his relatives.
My dad also has a brother. His brother used to be great as a teenager, he really loved me and was taking nice care of me, but then he grew up, started to do drugs, got a 16-17 yo girl pregnant(he was around 30 on that moment), started to absuse this girl when they got married what kinda traumatised their kid (he never abused the kid,wife only).
Tbh my uncle is predatory vibes giving person and I don’t like it and don’t want to talk to him ever again,even tho he was very nice with me. Although, once he screamed at me for sucking my lips into my mouth ( I do that sometimes just for fun or when I’m nervous ), and he was screaming about how I got big lips and hide them while other women inject a lot of “shi\*” into them to make their lips look big.
And once when me and grandma were driving in the car with my uncle, he was signalling and screaming at girls around saying weird pick up lines….
So, I never reply to his messages where he asks me how am I doing or congratulates with celebrations like my birthday etc…. I don’t want to talk to him ever again….
I do reply my grandma only when there is a celebration and congratulate her back and that’s pretty much it.
Everyone around tells me that I gotta talk to my dad’s part of the family,but I honestly don’t want to. | My father's family was horrible. They treated him like crap, and my mother and I were treated even worse. They repeatedly tried to break my parents up, and always blamed my mom for the death of my father's grandmother. His grandmother told him that if he married my mom, it would kill her, and true to her word, she dropped dead the day after the wedding. My parents never got a honeymoon because of it. That was the beginning of years of abuse for my mom, and ultimately for me.
After my father passed away, I cut that entire side of my family from my life. I didn't even fight them when they stole a large piece of my inheritance, because my sanity was worth more than a court battle that I very well might lose due to the very specific way my grandfather wrote his will to ensure things wouldn't pass to me when my dad died.
Protect yourself and cut toxic family from your life. Ignore the perks who say, "but they're your family" or "when you're older, you'll regret it." That is the sort of talk that enables abusers to get away with continued abuse. |
AITAH for trying to stop my mom from getting robbed blind | G'day folks,
So my 70yr old mom and 90yr old gran live together on the same property as the guesthouse my mom runs, My mom employs four people to help her with the guesthouse, and my gran has a carer.
Things have been going missing for a while, but over the last few months my mom and gran keep mentioning that lots of things are missing. My mom is one of those lovely people who trusts everyone. As this has been going on for so long, I decided to have a look around. I found jewellery, clothes, electronics, tools, crockery and antiques hidden in really odd places, including in the gardening shed.
One of her team members was stealing from her 2 years ago, I insisted she should fire him, she refused.
Now that I've found all of these other things within 2 hours, I'm scared everyone is in on it. That things are hidden on the property to check whether she'll notice they are missing immediately. It's also easier to remove items slowly, so as not to draw attention.
I put everything in my mom's spare room, and I'm staying over this evening. I know my mom doesn't want to deal with this, but in my mind this is inexcusable.
I plan on confronting them tomorrow morning when they arrive to work, as my mom is 70, my gran is 90, and this is b\*lls\*it.
My mom doesn't want me to be involved, but I need to protect them. They don't realize they are targets.
So, I'm going to confront them tomorrow morning. AITAH for doing so? I don't want to undermine my mom, and she's going to be livid, but I don't know what else to do.
I really liked her team, but surely this isn't something to just turn a blind eye to? | NTA. People who takes advantage of vulnerable people sickens me so much |
AITAH for wanting to stop being friends with my 2 oldest friends after they brought an unwelcome guest to the house. | I 21F have been friends with 2 girls the first for about 8yrs and the second for about 6yrs, the first we will call Annie, 20, the second we will call Ashley, 21. For a little bit of context I met Annie in middle school during a time when I struggled to make friends. At the time we were very close. Hanging out regularly and texting or calling all the time. She struggles with a disability which makes it harder for her to walk. Although she mentally is normal this has always been a big part of our friendship as I have had to help her get around on many occasions. Or make accommodations to help her out like walking slower so she can keep up, or helping move things around for her, or pushing her in a wheelchair. She also falls a lot due to this issue. Keep in mind she is one of the strongest people ik, and many times just gets right up even if its a terrible fall. And because of all of this I've always put in extra care towards helping her or being there. And we grew closer because of this.
Now Ashley, I met at one of my first jobs it was in the food industry, and we both worked at the same place. I was the one who made the first engagement with her and we clicked. Bonding over bands and fashion styles we both shared. Me and her though have had many falling outs (mostly due to her). But I have forgiven her many times for the things she has done and have allowed her to be my friend again after.
Now that the introductions are out of the way, recently I got into my first apartment. Me and my fiance moved here with Ashley and her now ex husband. And at first it seemed really promising. And I know the first thing everyone will say is that you don't want to be roommates with friends because it ruins it. But for both of these cases I don't think the roommate situation changed anything but allowing me to see the true colors of things. Anyway, so after a while of living together, I at this point was already helping Ashley out in so many ways. I put her on my phone plan, let her borrow my car etc etc. Soon enough I began to notice things being misused or missing. Keep in mind also me and my fiance fully furnished the apartment, including all of the dishes, the bathroom supplies like shower curtains and towels for everyone, different appliances, I'm talking all the things you need to live comfortably in a house and be able to cook clean eat and sleep comfortably. It started with my vacuum being used to vacuum up tons of cat litter (poopy litter) to the point it snapped the belt and clogged the entire vacuum. And then many more things being broken or ruined by her specifically. Then my other friend Annie moved in. And I had hopes that she wouldnt add to any of this but boy was I wrong. After she moved in I noticed different products of mine going missing and/or being used. And later found multiple things I had been missing in Ashley's room (keep in mind she has an impulse problem which is not an excuse but it wasn't the end of the world for me since I knew this) before she fully moved out. And stuff is still going missing so ik it wasn't just her. Annie has also been stirring drama up in the house. And has been making big fusses about her disability that I have never heard or seen before. Like complaining about getting up and down the stairs in our house which makes no sense as she had much more worse ones in her childhood home she just moved out of. Just a whole bunch of reasons to not help out around the house.
But recently a nerve has been struck by the both of them together as a unit. About a month ago Ashley started hanging out with this group of guys who have in the past and I'm pretty positive still have been associated with 2 of my exs who abused me. As such when she brought it up to me I was one stunned and two got very protective of myself, and set up a boundary with her that I did not want to be anywhere near my abusers or any of there little gang. And at the time she agreed. I did not know Annie was also talking to the same people at this time. Annie and Ashley both have been my friend so long they were there during these traumatic parts of my life and genuinely believed I didn't have to worry about it. That is until I woke up early the other morning. Around 7am, which is abnormal for me I usually sleep in. I walked upstairs and Annie stops me abruptly and says you don't want to go out there "greg"(not his real name) is out there. I being have awake still rubbing my eyes and all followed her into her room where she tells me she told him he could come over to the house but told me she said later, and that when she got home from her night shift she was shocked to find him sitting on the couch. I of course am infuriated and ask how he got here which she tells me Ashley brought him here. By the time I walked out into the living room where they just were they were gone. I still angry waited in the living room to see if they'd come back. Which they didn't. And so I decided to go throw on some warmer clothes and parade it outside. I went up to Ashley's car where her and Greg are hiding. Which she immediately stops me to pull me aside and talk before I could get to him. And tries to explain that he lied to her about what Annie said to him and that he was okay to come at that time. Which I immediately cut her off and said it doesn't matter you new the answer was no a month ago. And left her to pick up her jaw while I walked over to her car and yelled at him. I began to name off all of the people I know he hangs out with by there full names, probably about 5 or 6 people then ended it with saying and you (full name) are not allowed to come near me my house my street anything. And called him out on all the stuff I know he does that could get him into a lot of trouble. The last thing I said to him was that he was lucky he wasn't allowed in my house otherwise I would have made him clean his rank smells off of my couch. (Which I literally did scrub after this btw he literally made it stink) Ashley and Annie both have apologized and said it wasn't intended. But I can't shake this feeling that it was. And I have been thinking a lot about the dynamics with them and me a lot too. And have noticed all of these problems with the disrespect toward my things and me in general has been constant from both of them. And I just can't make it make sense why he was here the one time I wouldnt be awake during the day usually. And the boundary was already set and even if it wasn't that endangering my safety/peace by bringing people associated with my abusers near me. And it genuinely to me feels like a complete lack of care towards me. They also both think I overreacted and have tried to get me to make amends for being so mad (which being a Libra I usually hold my tongue and keep the peace) but I haven't been able to apologize because I feel it's not needed. And due to all these patterns I'm seeing now due to all these more obvious ones I think I should end the friendships with both. AITAH and they genuinely made a mistake and do I ignore the flags I've been seeing since I've been thinking about it, or was it a justified and they are just terrible friends, and if so some advice on how to go about ending the friendships would be wonderful! | NTA. They need to move, because it's just going to continue and perhaps get even worse. They've been taking advantage of you in all sorts of ways. Give them a move out date and stick to it. |
AITAH for getting angry at my wife after she accused me of watching porn? | My wife and I had a really good day. Our 1-year-old went to sleep easily, we planned out the week ahead, and everything felt calm and positive. Later that night, she suddenly turned to me and accused me of watching porn/sexually explicit content on my phone while she was asleep.
She specifically said she saw blonde girls and people having sex on my phone. I completely denied it because it honestly did not happen. I was shocked and offended because the accusation felt totally out of nowhere and untrue.
I’ll admit that sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and have trouble falling back asleep. When that happens, I usually just check NBA scores or scroll Twitter/X until I’m tired again. And yeah, Twitter can be a minefield, so I guess it’s possible something random could pop up, but I never watched porn or anything sexual.
What hurt the most was that she wouldn’t let it go. Even after I told her repeatedly that it didn’t happen, she doubled down and insisted she saw it. We share the same bed and also co-sleep with our baby, so the accusation felt even more bizarre to me.
I know she’s been feeling insecure since having the baby and putting on some weight, and I truly love her and still find her attractive. I probably could reassure her more, and I’m aware of that. But being accused of something I didn’t do really upset me, and I reacted angrily.
Now she’s bringing up things from the past to justify why she thinks this could be true, which just makes me feel worse.
So AITAH for getting angry over the accusation, even though I know she may be feeling insecure? | NTA but looking at your prior posts it seems she has PPD..
Have a chat with her and request her to seek treatment |
AITAH for asking my Mom if she loves my sisters more than me? I hope if I am people don't be so harsh on me because I am really not in a great mood right now and another post yesterday encouraged me to post this. | So my family is me (18M), my 3 sisters (18F, 16F, 17F) and our mom (39F) and our dad ( 41M) we are pretty close family we all hang out whenever and with whoever and my mom and dad treats as all equally, hang out with all of us and spends time with us even more than my dad cuz most of the time he is busy at work more than mom. So we get more quality of time with mom.
My gives us same level of affection and time, hugs, kisses, pet names, hang outs, emotional support, everything she is a great mom and we do everything together and she ( as any mom should from my understanding ) loves all equally and treats us equally like I said. She never made any of us feel less, I am very close to my sisters too. Three of them are just the best they know every secret of mine and they give me advices with my gf (idk if that's great or horrifying lmao).
So the thing is we are all 4 in same school, and my mom drives us to it, and 2 weeks ago when she dropped us, she always hugs us before we leave, when I entered 4 girls told me that they saw us in the morning and told me ( you are lucky that your mom loves you while you LITERALLY have 3 sisters ) I was confused and asked them what does that even mean, and they told me ( Moms usually loves daughters way way way WAY more than sons, that bond is way stronger than YOUR bond as a son with her not equal at all most of the time ask us we are 4 daughters of our parents, sons bond is overrated and not even strong maybe the weakest bond we know in families).
After that when mom came to pick us from school I didn't say anything to my mom or my sisters, I just went home to my room upstairs and kept searching Ai and some stupid psychological studies about MOM loving daughters more because of some brain shit and stuff that I really didn't understand nor did I thought had anything to do with real life families or moms those studies I don't usually trust or believe in and some weird ass outdates rules about gender and of course you know what happens when you spiral and overthink some stupid take someone said to you.
I literally spent this weekend searching if I am worthy enough of my mom's love like my sisters and searching for reassurance (that I got ) THAT son bond with mom is just as strong and there is no "by default" favoritism and that those takes are stupid but OF COURSE i kept spiraling because I am an overthinker.
So my mom and sisters and dad been noticing my weird behavior this week and yesterday I went out of my room and mom dad and my sisters were downstairs and I just went and spontaneously asked my mom IF she loves my sisters more than me and if our bond as mom-son ain't as strong as mom-daughter. I bit on my life I could see my mom's face drain of color and my sisters were so sad and dad was like ( WHOA what's going on here ), Mom just cried and hugged me telling me screaming ( BULLSHIT, WHO TOLD YOU THAT, WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THIS IDEA) and sisters were like (WTF ARE YOU EVEN SAYING THAT IS WRONG ). Mom then asked me if she did something that hurt me or made me feel like that and I stiffed and panickily told her OF COURSE NOT!!. Dad asked me to remember my mom loves us all equally, and the day continued normally but I feel SO BAD for making mom feel like she did something wrong while I am the insecure overthinker. AITAH? | And you’re 18? Really? |
WIBTAH for not going to my sister's baby shower? | I'm using a throwaway account since I don't want this on my main one.
So for some background, my parents broke up a bit before I was born. This has resulted in my dad being in and out for the first half of my life. Even then, I still spent time with my dad's side of the family as I grew up. Near the tail end of middle school, my dad moved back and we started talking and hanging out more.
Things changed when I went off to college. I had deleted Facebook, due to it being a cesspool, and I have a habit of not calling people. Because of that, the only way to really hear from me was to call or text my phone. This resulted in me having much less contact with my dad's side of the family. During the first half of college, I still talked to my dad, but he was starting to feel some type of way about the relationship we had.
To make things nice and short, I stopped talking to my dad half way through college due to me feeling like he didn't respect my boundaries.
Throughout college, I had spent most of my time with my mom and her parents. I kept in contact with my mom, because she was the one who present with me as a kid and she was helping me with stuff for college. I kept up with her parents, because I stayed with them whenever I was home and have, overall, been the closest with them out of anybody in my family.
Now for the actual WIBTAH, if the stuff above didn't already mark me as one. My aunt on my dad's side had told me that my older sister was pregnant and having a baby shower in a couple of months. I'm not too close with this sister, since she has some of my dad's personality traits (which she hates to be told about). I haven't seen her since 2020 and I haven't talked to her since 2024 when we had a brief exchange over text.
Anyways, my aunt was heavily insisting that I go since I rarely ever see or call my dad's side of the family. She also brings up how I only really call my mom and grandparents. I do love my dad's side of the family, but I don't want to go to this baby shower. When it comes to my dad's side, there is bound to be some drama, especially since my dad is going to be there.
And sorry if this reads like a mess. I'm pretty much speed running like >6 years in a single post, so I'm bound to miss some stuff. | You can have whatever relationship you want with people and it sounds like you genuinely dont want to have one. So go, dont go, its your choice.
Just one random aunt telling you to come doesnt make you an AH. |
Alcoholic STBXW w/o Custody wants Her Family to Stop Helping Her Kids—AITAH? | I have been going through a very long divorce for the last three years. I got sober three years ago and I did it by moving out and away from her drinking. She has been in and out of rehabs constantly the past three years and it ramped up substantially the last year with a felony DUI and a trip to the ER for alcohol poisoning and a benzodiazepine OD. Possibly also a suicide attempt. I currently have custody of our only minor child and my wife is living alone in an apartment. I had given up on the marriage the last two years and was ready to move on. We were already living separately and had divided the proceeds of our house sale and other community property. I reluctantly agreed to try marriage counseling again and we have attended 3 sessions. During the last week, I looked at our old joint checking account (closed now) and saw alcohol purchases from a liquor store every single day. When I confronted her she said she was buying lotto tickets and soda. I’m not stupid.
Tonight she sounded to me like she wanted to finalize the divorce based on a text exchange. I feel like she is manipulating me and trying to turn the tables. It feels like verbal abuse honestly. She is threatening me to tell her family to stop helping our kids. They were generous to offer to pay for the kid’s education and I am very grateful. They are also contributing 20% of my rent because I have custody of our minor (rent/food/clothing/etc). I am also grateful for that. But that 20% does not even begin to cover all the expenses. So I pay for everything else of course. I do not consider this “leaning” on her family. My family doesn’t help me and I don’t expect them to. She doesn’t provide a dime of her own. She hasn’t worked in about 5 years but once commanded a salary higher than my own. She technically owes me child support.
AITAH here? Gas Lit or manipulated? Or is it wrong for me to accept some financial help for my daughter that she isn’t able to provide? She tells me she wants a divorce and when I agree, she gets mad. Then she oddly pivots to texting me music she likes. I’m sure she was drunk. It’s so weird . Shouldn’t a divorced woman pay child support just as much as a dad? I want to tell her family, move to dismiss the alimony case and request child support or AITAH?
TLDR: My alcoholic wife wants to reconcile but I found out she’s been lying and still drinking daily. I confronted her and she denies it and instead she gets angry with me while trying to hurt me emotionally and financially.
| Divorce her and file for full custodial custody. She will have to pay child support and insurance for the kids and hopefully it will be more than the 20% and schooling. |
AITAH for ghosting my high school friends | I had a friend group and we had 9 members. We met when we were in high school and when we graduated, we went our separate ways and had different programs and colleges. Though we still kept in touch through our messenger group chat.
One of our members had a child during pandemic and we had this celebrations after every month of the baby’s existence. And obviously there would most possibly be alcohol involved whenever we get together.
I was 20 at the time, F, and I always think of how I would get home, who are the people I’d be drinking with, and the location. If I dont know where we’re going, I would not go with them.
This one time, I was sick, and they wanted to meet because it was around christmas time. I told them I couldnt go because I was sick and I didnt want the kid to get sick because of me (this was during the time when the pandemic was just dying down). They got angry at me and one of them even left the group chat. I found it very dramatic and that’s when I decided to ghost them. Though I didnt leave the group because they’d just bring me back. I just ignored the group chat and they dont know I’m still able to read their messages.
The thing is I wasn’t the only one who said no, but I’m the only one they attacked. They still went out to drink, though I believe there was only four or five of them, not including the one who left the group.
Months later, my birthday came up, no one from the group chat remembered. I chose to understand since we were all busy doing our theses, it was finals season after all, and I was on the verge of cutting them off entirely. They only remembered a month later. I only thanked and replied to those who messaged me directly.
I promised myself that I would only explain why I ghosted them to those who would ask me privately. Out of the eight people, only one of them asked how I was doing and why I wasnt using the group chat anymore, which was the immaturity they showed me the christmas before. They all thought it was because they missed my birthday. During this time, I already removed every trace of them from my social media posts.
A year later, its my birthday again. I opened up our group chat and one of the members who was closest to me before said “Its your BFF’s birthday. Go greet her if you want to.” Funny how they remembered this time.
I think this hurt me more because they knew what kind of a friend I was to them. I remembered every birthday, I tried my best to make them happy, my family knew them all. They know how understanding I’ve been. And the only person who reached out to me was not even one of my closest friends in our group. I got tired of all the immaturity, the lack of empathy, the lack of understanding and hipocrisy. | That passive aggressive message proves you were right to leave. It hurts because you were a genuine friend to people who were only convenient friends to you. You deserve better people in your life. |
AITAH for not believing my wife? |
Hey everyone,
I need some help with this one.
My wife and I have had a huge fight. Earlier today we went shopping, then went to pick up the kids. She stayed in the car while I waited outside school and I left my phone for her to use as she left hers at home on charge.
I was gone for about 5 minutes.
Later on I realised that a WhatsApp message from my Dad has been read, I hadn't opened it. I asked her and she said she clicked on it by accident. I have an app usage tracker on my phone, and it said in the 5 minutes or so I was gone she viewes:
My texts for 1 minute
WhatsApp for 1 minute 30
Facebook messenger for about 30 seconds
Instagram and the picture gallery quickly.
I asked her if she wants to look at my messages in future to just but and she was (and still is) absolutely adamant she wasn't looking at my messages and has no reason to.
I thought maybe the third party app could be wrong, although its normally very accurate. There is a built in feature on android that does the same thing as the third party app, and it says the same thing. It said what apps were opened, for how long and what time.
Upon me showing her this she was still absolutely adamant. She said she may have opened them accidentally but that doesnt make sense. Facebook was opened first for like 5 seconds, then messenger (presumably from Facebook) then facebook again when she came out of messages.
I have no problem her looking at my messages, id just like to be asked first.
She's saying I should trust her word. She's sworn on the kids lives that she wasn't snooping. She has said its making her suspicious that im acting so weird about it. Now she's staying at her dads for the night and talking about leaving me because she can't be with someone who doesnt trust her.
Im sorry for the long post, and writing it all out seems petty but I feel like im losing my mind. If she's lying its over something so small and she seems to be willing to take the lie really far. But if she's being honest I just can't make sense of the app data corresponding from 2 different sources.
Sorry again and thanks for reading if you made it this far. | You have 2 programs confirming she lied to you. It's up to you what you do with that information. Her going to stay at her Dad's is pretty extreme. And telling. |
AITAH for telling my boss to have another drink even though she's struggling with alcoholism? | Our company had been struggling for nearly 4 years while my boss just kept emptying the coffers. She took 315K in cash to buy her son a house, & over 300K to fix their houses after a hurricane. She made a claim against her insurance policies & with FEMA. So, as the Controller (like a CFO but without the extra work) the business, I thought "cool." She'll pay it back when she's reimbursed. However, she didn't. She kept over 270K when she received it and it severely impacted the business.
Before you continue, here's an important part. In Feb 16, 2026, I'll be 5 years sober from alcohol. So, I have a shit-ton of patience for people struggling with their addictions.
In mid-December, she called me - after hours - screaming and cursing because we only had 9K in the bank. She was dropping F- bombs, repeating my name, over & over again. This always meant that she was drunk. I could literally feel my skin crawl this time.
She was asking why there was a new employee (my brother, our database administer, acquired at a reduced rate because we couldn't afford a market price) and why was he on salary. She and I spoke about hiring him several times before this and she approved the hire. As a matter of fact, months before - even on a few rare occasions when she happened to be sober.
This didn't stop her barrage though. I tried to diffuse the situation by reminding her that we talked about hiring him and that she previously approved it. I even offered to call her on Monday to discuss it. My exact words were, "I feel like you're drinking right now and this isn't an appropriate time to have this conversation. Let's talk on Monday." That didn't work.
She continued to verbally assault me and even went so far as to say, "Oh, fuck you! Fuck you, your brother, and fuck your daughter!" (My daughter was the Senior Staff Accountant) At this insult, I was done! Having enough of her shit, I took a deep breath and calmly said "go have another drink" & hung up. She had crossed the line.
She called back crying, asking how could I use her " "past" against her; only it wasn't her past. She was drunk the night before. She's constantly drunk! Everyone in our industry knows she is a lush. I just kept hanging up on her.
I had brought up her addiction previously, on multiple occasions, however, she would never get help. This is why I had to step up from my role to act in her stead for the past near 4 years. Honestly, I was over it and over her. Fuck her.
This wasn't the first for her. I know that it "cut to the bone" when I said it, but she deserved it - at least in my eyes. After all of this, she fired me, my brother and my daughter the following Monday. (Yes, I have a lawsuit pending for this)
Obviously, it was retribution, but my daughter said I should have just taken it. I was mentally exhausted though. After years of her abuse, I was depleted. I was nauseous all the time. I could barely eat or sleep, even my hair was falling out. My doctor had even put me on anxiety meds. It was always fight or flight because of her alcoholic tantrums and abuse. I couldn't take it anymore.
It was a relief when I said it. I could finally breathe. There's a lot of people saying I hit below the belt. I don't think I did. I keep second-guessing myself now. Do you think I was an asshole for saying it?
Thanks
#AITAH | Not at all, and I hope you win the lawsuit |
WIBTAH to correct someone in a birthday video? | My husband and I have a friend, really more of my husband’s friend for multiple reasons I won’t get into here. We’ve known him for about 10 years. From the moment he was introduced to me, he’s been calling me by a nickname that I do not like him to use, despite being gently corrected many times over the years.
The tricky thing is, it \*is\* a nickname I use, but it’s exclusive to people I’m sleeping with. Only ex-boyfriends and now my husband have ever called me that. He’s never heard anyone except my husband use than name for me, everyone else calls me a different nickname.
Keeping anonymity, think of it like my name is Alexandra and most people call me Alex. This man calls me Lexi. I never gave him permission to use such an intimate version of my name and especially one that is a babied version of my name. Every time he says it, to me, it’s akin to him calling me “baby” or “sweetheart” and I fucking hate it. he’s been told this numerous times across the last 10 years.
Today, his girlfriend sends out a text message asking for my husband, “Lexi”, and our baby to help her make a birthday video for this guy. Even says he has our holiday card on his fridge and how cute our family is. The holiday card which clearly and blatantly has my name as “Alexandra”.
This woman I have NEVER met and don’t even know now is calling me by a nickname reserved for men whose penises have been inside me. And I am just furious. I’m sure someone will say I’m overreacting but I honestly don’t care. This is not appropriate and I am not happy about it in the least. I complained about it to my husband, but he insists that I just don’t like this friend of his.
So my question is, in making this video, WIBTA to intentionally introduce myself in the video as “Alexandra” (even though the video doesn’t need introductiona) and to end the video with “best wishes, love Alexandra”?
It feels passive aggressive but I’m so sick of being referred to in such an intimate way by someone I never gave that permission to. it’s so uncomfortable and I’ve asked so many times to just be called Alexandra or even Alex. Hell, I’ll even take Andy, just stop calling me Lexi!!!
so wibta to use this birthday video as a reminder of my boundaries? | NTA, you have the right to ask anyone not to call you a specific name regardless of the reason. I would 100% do what you mentioned in the birthday video just out of spite. Also, the AH here is your husband for not having your back in the matter, his friend clearly doesn’t respect you and that’s the real problem |
AITAH for cutting off a former friend who refused to respect boundaries? | ok so this is gonna be long but like here goes, also fake names btw
there’s this guy i used to be kinda close with like basically bffs but omg over time he got soooo exhausting and manipulative and obsessed with getting what he wanted
so basically before winter break he got with this homie hopper bc his friend told him to and then later that same friend told him to break up with her so ofc he does without thinking and then he begs me to help him write an apology to get back together i do it but literally use his words not mine (he's dyslexic)
even after that he wouldn’t leave the kid alone. for context the kid is a trans dude, so the slurs used upon me were along that nature. he actually blocked Alec first at some point, the unblocked him and began to harrass the kid, and then later Alec blocked him, which he literally could not handle at all. he kept trying to get others to him nonstop and even got our mutual friend, lets call him joe ig, to tell Alec, to read his messages like at school ???
after Alec blocked him, he started projecting onto me in our group chat. he would say offensive stuff, call me slurs, try to bait people for attention, and just be dramatic af. for example, he would post random political stuff or just freak out whenever we ignored him. eventually he left the group chat dramatically, only to be added back later and mostly stay silent. honestly it was exhausting
he also kept calling me every day even when i was sleeping (atp it was winter break) and one day i didnt see a reel he sent me so he starts calling me slurs and that was like my last straw and i decided i was done tolerating him, so i blocked and reported him. on snap i just kinda ghost him lowkey and he has no idea why but he will prob figure it out soon
by the end of break it was obvious he exhausted everyone. he has friends but no one really close bc he’s manipulative, obsessive, unpredictable, just exhausting. i set firm boundaries and refuse to deal with him anymore. Im also thinking that imma tell my SNSI, NSI, or CO. (we're in JROTC)
so yeah AITA for cutting him off and letting him deal with the consequences of his own chaos?
**TL;DR:** former friend harrased a trans ex, got blocked back, projected onto me in the group chat, called me slurs, tried to get attention, and wouldn’t respect boundaries. i blocked/ghosted him and set firm boundaries. AITA?
| YTA for making people read this drivel. |
AITAH for not even caring if my grandma's dead or not, now that she's sick? | I have PTSD. I haven’t been able to sleep properly for nine years because of this. When I was around 10, on the day my grandpa died, my grandma—while crying—looked directly at me for a moment and said, “So you’re done eating your grandpa?”
There were my other cousins and relatives around her to support her, and they also looked at me with that stare that seemed to say, “You killed him.” I was just a child, so I froze in that moment. I never could have expected something like that, especially from her.
That phrase stayed with me. It haunts me at night and demands answers. And now that she is sick and on the verge of dying, my internal defense mechanism tells me not to care about her at all | Wth, why would they say that?
NTA, family or not, doesn't matter. |
Nightmare gf… imo, you decide AITAH | Don’t really know where to start but just gonna go with what comes to mind first, been dating This woman for 2-3 years (moved in less than a year) fyi big mistake. But routinely surprise her with nights out or take her out for breakfast dates.
Our birthdays are just before Christmas so I went all out and I literally didn’t sleep setting up our (shes on the lease after I couldn’t argue anymore and gave in, so my bad but it’s not 50-50, she has 0 credit and no where Near enough income to pay the electric bill.) whole house decorated with her favourite colour tones and favourite things (ballon’s, streamers, flowers, fkn labubus, heart shaped pillows, new couch covers, new curtains, pics all over the house of us in all our special moments) she bought me a Gucci wallet. Nothing more nothing less. Including Christmas.
Every day off I have I take her to her family (that she constantly talks shit about) but we just have to see when all I want to do is sit or go to the gym she complains I never do anything for her.. and I honestly just want to pack all my things in a night while she sleeps and never text or call her again and rip the house out from under her..
AITH? | Stop talking and just end it! |
AITAH if I don't answer the phone anymore when it's my (25m) brother who call? | that post will be long, so sorry
I (22f) struggle to get my drivers license and my life together.
Got my diploma and my first book published last year, so I know what I want to do in life.
And, before assuming anything, you should know that no girl on earth will love my brother as much as I do. He's my older brother but everyone called us "the twins"
cause we look alike so much.
I was looking up to him so much as we were kids, he was my hero, but now...
All of this started three years ago. I was in a bad state of life, the worst even, and I was medicated with antidepressants. My brother didn't approve of this, told me to toughen up, that I should be strong (like our mother, who died 11 years ago) I took the pills, and he stopped talking to me FOR A DAMN YEAR.
I was crying, asking for him my bf was tired and sad at the same time, and my brother didn't pick ANY OF MY CALLS, and then, at the end of the year, he called me, promised me to be here, talked to me for hours, I cried and cried, he apologized, then promised to call more often.
The year passed, He started making some changes but no drastic ones. He stopped calling, then got back together with his girlfriend, who was a sweet girl btw. He was only with her, but did show up to my birthday. After that, no more news.
He was always breaking his phone, into some kind of issues, or just not here. I was trying to get by without having his guidance and advice, and made my own choices, gave my best friend the role of the brother I've lost.
And since last year, my family is putting so much pressure on me, for my drivers license, that I still don't have, instead of trying to get to know me more, caring about my feelings and all. He's doing the same thing.
All he do is judge, assume things that aren't true, listen to people instead of me, but the worst is that he criticized my 6 years relationship while he was dumped by his girlfriend for being a jerk to her.
Also, he is in a bad state at the moment. Living at my aunt's, cutting ties with my other aunt, being so close to be homeless, and spam calling me just to ask when will I get my drivers license, and do subtle comment on how I prefer my bf than my family. He always remind me that my bf "isn't family" and that I shouldn't be so much confident in that relationship, just because my bf's mom and I had some beef (resolved by the fact that my bf did spoke up and stand up to us)
Now, my brother is calling me sometimes. I won't pick up.
I don't pickup because I don't love him anymore. I don't pickup because all that judgment, that "be tough, be stronger" made me sick. He made it clear he don't want us to be "the twins" anymore.
so, Am I the Asshole?
| [removed] |
AITAH for not having my brother-in-law as a groomsman and now wanting to confront him for giving my wife the silent treatment? | So my wife (32f) and I (33m) got married in September. We chose our wedding party over a year in advance. She picked her sister, cousins, best friends and her sister-in-law (her brother’s wife) so 7 bridesmaids and MOH. I picked my cousin and my closest friends as my 5 groomsmen. I did not choose her brother (40m) as a groomsman and she didn’t choose my sisters as bridesmaids. We honestly just wanted our closest and if anyone was next on the list for me it would be my sisters partner, uncle etc.
We weren’t trying to exclude anyone and my view is that a wedding is the only time we can make all the calls as it’s our day. Plus I see anyone invited as part of the day, we don’t need titles and matching suits for that to be the case for everyone (otherwise we’ll end up with a Football team of people in the same suit lol). At the time of choosing nothing was flagged as an issue by him or her family.
About a month before the wedding my wife’s parents told us that her brother was extremely upset about being “left out”. This was the first we’d heard of it. He never came to us directly. The timing also seemed to line up with his wife and the kids getting their matching outfits and him feeling like everyone in her side of the family had a title (FOB, MOB, MOH). All the kids are 7 and under and we just thought it would be cute and an amazing memory for them to be walking down the aisle in mini suits and dresses.
My wife immediately tried to smooth things over. She told him he was absolutely part of the wedding, that she was doing a first-look reveal with him and their dad, that he’d be a witness on the day, and even offered to get him a matching suit if he wanted (I didn’t agree to the last offer as I saw it as a pity suit and a bit pathetic) He refused the suit and didn’t want to talk about it. He mentioned that she was a bridesmaid at his wedding but at this point she was very close to his wife. Her ex was a groomsman but again, they had known each other for 5 years, and I don’t think that means I have to choose my groomsmen to make others happy.
After the wedding I found out he felt like crying on the day, complaining to his mum an hour before we walk the isle. Since then he has completely stopped speaking to my wife. It’s been about three months. Even when their grandad passed away in November and she texted him to see how he was, he ignored her.
We hosted Christmas Eve this year and he stopped his family from coming, so his two sons missed seeing their cousins. FYI it’s a tradition on their family side that someone hosts and all the family see each other.
For context, I’ve known him about 2.5 years. We’re friendly at family gatherings and I would go to the pub with him, but we don’t hang out away from family events. My wife says he has a history of falling out with people and then refusing to communicate. She and him are normally close and she even helps him with HR stuff for his business. My own sisters weren’t in the wedding party and they were totally fine with it, at the time of choosing me and wife had been together 1.5 years so just wasn’t as close with each family when choosing.
He still hasn’t told us what he expected, everything comes through his parents. What made it worse is when he told his parents they then told us we made a mistake so I think they validated how he felt. I’m not denying he might be upset but I don’t think it’s the right way to look at this.
We also moved into our first house we own together and a week later he was posting houses he was looking at, so I think he’s also jealous.
At this point I feel like his behaviour is childish and unfair on my wife (who is also pregnant) and I’m tempted to confront him to ask what he actually wanted and why he’s punishing her over this. So far I haven’t because my wife has tried to communicate and talk to her parents, so I’ve respected her wishes to sort it herself.
AITAH for not having him as a groomsman? | NTA, but for my wedding I gave males on my wife's side jobs like usher or something along those lines. Let them feel included, but I didn't have to mess with my wedding party. He's acting like a child though. |
AITAH for not having my wife's back at a family gathering? | My nephew's birthday was on the 3rd we went over to celebrate. My wife has four sisters, the two from Gerogia take care of their mom. The two from Gerogia came down to celebrate nephew turned 13, they brought their mother with them. People were asking them how they are doing and they were quick to throw my wife and their other sister under the bus. Saying things like they could come around more often if their sisters help.
I think they honestly came just to start shit, but at the sametime my wife has not once offered to help them nor has her other sister. Now yes we have children and they don't not using that as an excuse but I have told my wife if she wants to take time off to fly down to Gerogia to care for her mom or something that is fine we can make it a family trip or she can go alone. She is not keen on using her limited PTO like that, and we don't have the space to host an adult in our apartment. I cannot speak for her sister.
During this entire ordeal I just kept to myself and let them hash it out, but later my wife was pissed cause I did not have her back. Her sister's husband had their backs, but i told her it was hard for me to say anything cause I did agree my wife could do more to help them, and that is think the four of them needed to air our their true feelings out.
Now I know the rule of thumb is back up your wife but I don't think that would have helped here. | If it was JUST your wife and her sisters hashing it out then thats fine. But when other men hop on the train it is your duty to get involved period. Whether you agree with her or not is a private discussion the two of you can have after, but allowing another man to also come at her sideways for any reason is off the table. Again if its just her sister's its a family matter and you let it be, BIL does not get to join the party while you sit by quietly. For that specific reason YTA. |
AITAH for making my boyfriend cry after a hike? | My bf(21M) and I(22F) went on a group hike together where my boyfriend ended up crying after.
My boyfriend wanted to go on a hike at night that led to this campfire with some of his friends. He invited me and said I could invite anyone so I invited my friends also. He tells everyone to meet him at his place so we can all take one car to the start of the trail and go from there. So me and my friends get there while him and his friends are there.
During the car ride there I notice he didn’t really want to talk to me. Then we finally get to the hike and he’s walking super far ahead of me and leaving me with my friends. The hike is a little rocky so I needed help during certain sections where his friend was there to help me. I was pretty upset at this point and annoyed. I felt like he didn’t really care about me.
We get to the campfire and I ask him whats wrong, thats when he tells me my friend I invited made a weird comment toward him. He said he was trying to get his friend he invited involved in the convo by making a joke. He asked his friend if she “wanted to take shrooms for her first time” on the hike. Thats when my friend told her its not a good idea and said “you’re way smarter than he is.. you’re not as dumb as him.” He was telling me he thought the joke was obvious since he didn’t have any shrooms and was just trying to get the conversation going.
I was there during that conversation but I honestly zoned out during that part. I was upset with my friend and would have said something if I knew that comment she had made.
I drop everyone off and head to my boyfriend’s place where him and his friends were playing a drinking game. We end up getting pretty drunk and his friends leave.
We start talking about the night and thats when I start telling him how I felt about everything. I told him that it hurt me he was walking so far ahead of me on the hike and didn’t bother to wait. He apologized and said he wasn’t in the mood to be around me or my friend in that moment. Then I made the comment that made him cry. I said “Why was your friend the only man helping me and you weren’t?”
After this he didn’t really want to talk and shut down. He just started crying and said it made him feel like he was being compared. I felt bad because he was saying how he just wanted everyone to have a good night and went out of his way to buy fire wood and alcohol and snacks for everyone just to be insulted in his own place.
I don’t think the comment I made was that bad but he said it was an uncalled for comment. AITAH for making my bf cry with that comment? | So much drama.. |
AITAH after my mom cut me off | Hi everyone, this will be a long one. I, [20M] am currently a sophomore at college, coming off an argument I had with my step father over text during Christmas break, and have seemingly been permanently cut off from both him and my mother.
My apologies in advance, there's a lot of backstory that has led up to this, and I feel it'd be disingenuous to leave any details out, but I had to cut a lot of it out.
Halfway through my first semester during freshman year at college, I received a call from my mother [46F] asking me how I'd feel about her and my bio dad [45M] getting a divorce. Her and my dad set up an agreement where he'd try to improve over the month of October, and by the end, they'd see where they're at in their relationship, and if they didn't see any improvement, they'd look into their options as to getting separated. Why specifically my father needed to improve and not her is a completely different tale, but I'll just say he wasn't very active in the relationship, nor as a parent to me and my sister [13F], amongst other small things that have just built up over the years, but regardless, I don't exactly blame her for wanting to leave him, and I even expected it to happen at some point.
Regardless, I told her that I didn't have the right to keep the two of them in an unhappy marriage, and if splitting is what they wanted to do, who am I to stand in the way of that? I only asked her that my sister be made the priority in the divorce (this will come up later).
The rest of October went less than ideally for my father. My mother ended up breaking the agreement early by writing him a note telling him she wanted a divorce. Likely due to the fact she had formed an emotional affair with her childhood friend, my now stepfather [46M], at the beginning of the summer in 2024, and was too far to end it with him.
Other than the usual things that come with a divorce, such as custody agreements and other things of that sort, the divorce went surprisingly well given all that had led up to it. We had lived in a rental so there wasn't a house to fight over, and each took their cars with them, etc, etc.
The first thing that had caused an issue occurred over my Thanksgiving break. My grandmother [65F] (father's mother), who I will be the first one to say, is not the most amicable of people when she believes harm has come to her children or grandchildren, i.e., her son getting cheated on, nor is she the most agreeable or level-headed person even at the best of times, but I digress.
Someone on her side of the family did some snooping on John (stepdad), and pulled his criminal record. That person then relayed that information to my grandmother, who in turn looked into it herself, who then relayed it to my father. I only found out because she told me there was a criminal record, but wouldn't tell me what was on it. I asked my father what was on it, but, he was, although not equally as vague in telling me, left it at domestic issues and didn't elaborate further (likely because my sister was within ear shot, and she's going to be living with him, and didn't want it to cause any issues). Nonetheless, I decided to look into it myself, since no one was telling me, and found out why my grandmother had been making a big fuss about it.
From memory, some of the charges were domestic violence, unlawful imprisonment, child abuse, with some financial stuff thrown in there as well. Now, based on the interactions I had had with him up until this point, I came to two conclusions, that one, he is a changed man, or two, the charges were bogus.
I, trying not to play the sides game, told John that my grandmother pulled his record, just to inform him should it come up as an issue later. He explained to me the reason as to what he spent two years in prison for, as his relatives had basically screwed him over royally, and even called one of these relatives, who backed up what he had told me.
He did not, however, make any mention of the more concerning charges on the record though, but I did not inquire further, as he was getting emotional and I didn't want to push him (the sad, crying kind, not angry or mad, kind of emotional).
For clarification, because this will come up again, I did not ask him to explain that situation, nor did I pressure him into doing so. I was only informing him that his record had been pulled, and "you know, be advised". He took it upon himself to call his relative, and explain everything. I recorded the conversation (with both John and his relative's consent) to hopefully present to my grandmother so that she may be more understanding of the situation.
Returning to the timeline at hand, over Christmas break (freshman year, so a year ago), my car, which I inherited from my great grandmother (father's side), and my father didn't have insurance on it yet, so John lent me his 2022 Camaro RS to use as transportation.
My dad had asked me if I wanted to get lunch my first week home, before he'd have to go pick up my sister from school. It was getting about time for him to go get her, so I had proposed the idea of picking her up in John's Camaro, because you know, cool car, her friend will love it. My father and John at this point were on extraordinarily good terms, and after thanksgiving break, and the two had even joked about my father driving the Camaro I say this because, given that information, I had no reason to believe my father was unwelcome in the Camaro, especially since it was only to pick up my sister, and he would only be in the passenger seat (this will come up later).
Returning to the matter at hand again, I had a doctors appointment that December, and I'd be getting a flu and Covid booster shot, both of which I have had poor reactions to in the past, and as I would be alone should I have a bad reaction to them, I chose to spend the night with my mother and stepdad, in case I got sick. As I was leaving my appointment to head up to their house (an hour drive away) I had taken the wrong exit on the highway. I got off the highway and at the end of the off ramp, I had to make a left turn through an intersection to get back to the on ramp. As I was making this left turn, I heard sirens coming from my right, an ambulance was coming through. Meanwhile, I am right in the ambulance's way, right in the middle of the intersection. I sped up to clear the intersection for the ambulance, in doing so, ended up curbing the front passenger side tire rim underneath the overpass.
I had then gotten back on the highway and made my way up to their house. When I got there, I took a look at the rim to access the damage, and found only cosmetic damage to the rim, as the paint had gotten scratched and rim roughed up a bit. I immediately sent John a text and picture of the rim, letting him know what had happened. He said, "it's okay, I'm not mad, you know I trust you, are you okay?" I said yes, I just wanted to let you know anything that happened to the car while I had it.
Fast forward to Christmas Eve. It was my dad's week with my sister, so he dropped her off with me, to take her to our church's Christmas Eve service, and then back to our dad's. He was going to fill up the Camaro and was trailing behind me on the way to the gas station. Now, if anyone has driven or been inside of one of the new Camaros, you know that car is blind spot city. While I was turning into the gas station, I couldn't fully see where the curb dipped down to enter the parking lot, and ended up driving over the curb a bit, and since he was literally right behind me, he saw it, and when we got out to get gas, he was laughing and jokingly said "I think someone drove over a curb", and didn't give me any indication he was angry about it.
Fast forward again to January 2nd, Me and my father went out to go see War of the Rohirrim. After seeing the movie, my dad had taken me out to our insurance place to get insurance on the car I inherited from my great grandmother, so I could drive it. I asked him if he could drive my car back to my grandfather's so I could use it, and I gave him a ride back home in the Camaro, since it didn't really make all that much sense to get out of the Camaro and get into my Corolla.
Fast forward again to late January. This is where everything starts to hit the fan. I'm back at college, and I get a text from John asking me if my father drove the Camaro, I said no. He asked me if he was in the Camaro, I said yes, twice. He had found out my dad was in the Camaro through my sister. She had wanted John to drop her off at school in the Camaro, when he said no because again, they live and hour away from her school, and this is Midwest winter, it's not a good idea to be driving that car an hour on the highway in snowy conditions, my sister told him "well, dad and (me)" picked her up from school in it.
John then got angry, as understandably, his stepson allowed his father, my mother's and his now fiancé's ex, into his muscle car, and wasn't told. Now, though I now know that I should have told him my father was in the car, here's my reasoning as to why I didn't. With the information I had at the time, given the more than good relationship both John and my father had at this time, and having been told the two of them had joked about my father driving the car, I had no reason to think John would have any objections to my father being in the car, let alone just riding shotgun on the way pick up my sister from school, and me driving him back home. It's not that I didn't tell him because I knew he wouldn't be happy about it, and so I tried to hide it from him. I didn't tell him because I had no reason to think he'd even think twice, or even care about it.
Regardless, I apologized to him for not telling him, because, I should have told him, but I also tried to explain to him that because the two of them had joked about my father driving it, so I didn't have any reason to think he'd care if he was in the car to pick up my sister or for me to drive him home.
John had at first thought my father had done it, I vehemently insisted otherwise, because everyone was still friendly with one another, and also, he thought the Camaro was sick as hell. This is where the detail earlier about my grandfather going to a nursing facility comes up again. My mother wanted my grandfather to come stay with her, John, and his kids, however, my uncle (mom's brother) had power of attorney over my grandfather, and placed him at the nursing home, so there had been a falling out between my uncle and mother over that disagreement.
Nothing came of that, however and I more recently asked her if she keyed the Camaro, and she said no. Since she has no reason to lie to me, I choose to trust that she didn't, and it was someone else who keyed the car.
Fast forward to around late February/early March. John gets the Camaro looked at, and gets back a repair bill for $15,000, insurance having covered $11,000, leaving him with a co-pay of $4,000. The main damage was to the front ground effect/valance. Said damage likely occurred when I curbed it to clear the intersection for the ambulance, or when I went over the curb at the gas station.
My mother, who was considering asking my father to contribute to the repair bill, for what reason I have no clue. It was then thrown at me, that John believed my dad DID drive the Camaro, damaged it, and I came up with the ambulance story to cover for him. Additionally, I continued to insinuate that I was a liar for saying my dad didn't drive the car, and again that I didn't tell him, and that I "wrecked" his car.
Fast forward again. During spring break I had started doordashing, and made enough money to purchase a parking pass for college. After break, I was out doordashing, and had hit the brakes to enter a traffic circle, I ended up hydroplaning, and sliding into the curb bending my tire rim. I inspected the damage and realized the my tires had hairline cracks in them and that they were dryrotted even though they somehow still held air.
I told John about the bent rim, as well as the poor condition of my tires, and asked him if he could help me out by getting me a new rim and tires, which he agreed to, as I had less than $20 to my name. So by early April, I had saved up enough money to purchase a new strut, and new brake pads, with the intention of fixing it myself (which I did). Feeling proud of myself for buying the parts and planning to put them on myself, I told John about how I saved up enough to get the strut and change the brakes.
I later received a call from my mother that same day on the way to pick up the parts, who told me that John felt I am using him for his money, since I've made no effort to pay for the repairs on the Camaro, and with him paying for my new tires, and the $26 rim I picked up from the junkyard, and me paying for the parts to repair my car, and by me telling him about me buying the part to fix it, he felt I was taunting him and rubbing it in his face.
About a week after I had fixed the strut and put new brakes on, I had sent John $15 over Cash App to contribute to the repair bill for the Camaro. At the time I had around $150 in my bank account, and yes, I could have sent him more than that $15, but as I was nearing the end of the school semester, I was wanting to build some savings to pay for any expenses relating to damage I may have to pay, and since finals were coming up, I didn't have as much time to DoorDash as I was preparing for exams and other projects. And I ended up being correct as I was given a $120 bill for paint damage to my dorm room. I soon received a call from John saying that $15 was a slap in the face.
Fast forward again, it's the summer, and I picked up a landscaping job paying me $15/hr, where I was routinely called r-slur, and a fuck-up, berated for putting in too much effort, until the boss let me go because I “didn’t fit in with his crew”, and needed time to get something right, instead of getting it right off the bat, but I still stuck with it until I couldn’t. Around mid-May, I got a call from either John or my mother, TL;DR, couldn’t get a word in, but basically, I was told I didn’t have to pay John back for what I owed on the Camaro, I only needed to show that I cared, which to him, meant helping him out renovate his stepdad’s house. I told John to let me know when he was going to be over there, and I could adjust my schedule/plans if I had any so that I could go and help him out.
Fast forward again to late June, I hadn’t received any word from John about helping him with his house, what I did receive however, was a text from my mother, saying that I needed to start sending John some money every month, because he’s looking into filing a lawsuit against me. I responded back, saying that I told both of them that I had no problem coming over and helping with the house if that's what John wanted, but I hadn’t gotten a single text from either of them asking me to come over and help, and that I had to order a new debit card so he’ll get his money when that comes in, so I can start putting some of that cash in my bank account, and link the card to my cash app and send him the money. My mother texted me back saying I haven’t made an effort to text either of them and see if they need help. Now when I read that, I admittedly got a little heated.
I said, “I’m working 8:00-5:00 five or more days a week, in 85+ degree heat, whilst getting bitched at by my foreman for putting in extra effort. Just last week I got bitched for trimming the inside of a fence at one of our jobs and I got told off for wasting time because I don’t get paid to make the decision to put in extra effort to make someone’s yard look nicer. My SECOND week my foreman called me a fuck up to the boss, because a DIFFERENT CREW MEMBER BAILED ON HER and last week she asked me if I did well in school like I was some fucking r****d because I couldn’t remember something. So sorry, I’m not going to volunteer one of my days off from a job where five days a week I’m constantly being demeaned or belittled for doing too much or not remembering something, on a whim. If either of you need help you can tell me.”
TL;DR, this conversation ended with a phone call very similar to the last one in mid-May, I couldn't get a word in, but this one also had a mental breakdown, tears and all so yeah. I begged, and I mean BEGGED John to take my money, because I valued that day off that much, (I hated that job, the only good thing I got out of it was the money, some nice boots, and a tan) and he insisted otherwise, and that it wasn’t about the money, and it was showing I cared, etc., etc.,. I don’t really recall what the result of this phone call was, I do remember saying, again, to let me know when he needed help, and he never did.
Another interesting sidenote: my mother spent $1200 of the money my uncle gave me as a grad present for a mac book, because she had spent too much on my grad party, and we wouldn’t be able to make rent, as well as the tuition refund checks my university sends through the mail, that are, yk, supposed to PAY OFF STUDENT LOAN DEBT (Apparently $3000, according to my father.)
Now, I’m well aware that everything so far reads like I am just delusional, entitled zoomer, who doesn’t grasp the idea of consequences, or understand how the real world works, thinking that I don’t owe John for the damage I caused, except I don’t think that. My grandmother says that I don’t owe John anything, as does my father, grandfather (dad’s dad), my aunt, uncle, two cousins, and sister. Every time, I have told them, no, I do, I was driving the car, it was damaged while I was driving it, if he says I owe him, I do.
The reason it had taken so long to start consistently sending John money for the car, was because the first time I did, my mom still owned my account jointly because I was a minor when it was made, that’s how they knew I had around $150, which is why they, understandably, thought $15 was a slap in the face to him, but they also just assumed that I was cheaping out on them, instead of asking me why I gave so little, when I had more, like, I don’t know, for possible upcoming expenses, but I digress.
The reason why it had taken so long to start sending John the money consistently, was because one week it was “it’s not about the money, it’s about showing you care”, and the next, it was “I’m suing you”, and then back and forth and back and forth, until around November, when he finally plainly said, can you give me money every week, and, because I now had a debit card linked to cash app, that I actually could. In November I started sending John $10 a week for the repair bill, (he sold the Camaro).
Now, you may be asking, surely there was some other way you could have put in the effort to show you cared about him more than just for his money? Yeah, I wish. His two children, both are on the spectrum. My stepbrother is MRDD, and stepsister has cerebral palsy and autism. Not really important details on their own, but, both John and my mother, rather than discuss adult matters in private, instead, talk about those issues around them, so they’ve picked up on a lot of John’s emotions and follow them blindly. So much so, that my stepsister, believes me to be a psychopath, who hates all of them and is out to get them, and my stepbrother, who wants to punch me, and my father, because John has said he wants to punch my father. I am not allowed up there, because they don’t really know me, and I understand that. You should always protect your kids’ peace first. But if the only way I can show I care is money or labor, and my money is refused, and I’m not given the opportunity to help because I’m never asked?
My sister lives with my father full time, and has since around April or so, since they were apparently spending close to $800 on gas every week bringing her to and from school, so my mother signed over residency to my father. Over the summer, there were times where John would drop off either mine, or my sister’s belongings, and he would bring my stepbrother, who wants to punch me and my father. He had sent out an open invitation for anyone who had a problem with him to come see him and sort it out (in the “come fight me” way, not the civil discussion way). In July, my grandmother took him up on that offer on one of John’s trips to drop off our stuff. John had brought my stepbrother with him, the one who had threatened to assault me and my father, and made him unload all of the stuff, while he sat in the truck doing nothing. When my grandmother approached him, he apparently started getting all huffy, and saying that she (my grandmother) wasn’t a part of that open invitation. John had gotten so huffy, that my stepbrother, 6’1”, came running around the truck, flailing his arms, coming toward my grandmother.
I later received several texts from John, inviting me to the renovation house to sort things out (again, in the “fight me” way). Saying that my stepbrother broke down crying because my grandmother threatened him, and how my stepbrother was only trying to protect him. And I received several texts after the fact in the coming weeks saying that my grandmother’s threats are weighing on him. That if I had a problem with him, I shouldn’t hide behind my grandmother and grow up. (I was sleeping, and didn’t even know he was coming).
I do feel bad for my stepbrother, he didn’t ask to be put in a situation where the people who are going to be around him know he’s threatening to punch them, and will act accordingly if he comes running at them. Now, my grandmother, not exactly the chillest of people. She called the cops on a kid who my sister knew from elementary school, who moved out of state, and then moved back to our new neighborhood, because he wouldn't give her his last name address, and then called the cops on him, oblivious to the fact she’s now a 60+ year old asking a minor for their last name and address.
When I finally asked my grandmother about it, I asked if she said anything that could even be remotely interpreted as a threat. She said John was getting huffy and puffy, and when my stepbrother came running around the truck toward her, she said she may have put her arm out in front of her and said, “I’ll call the cops, don’t step any closer”, or something along those lines, so, I wouldn’t call that an overreaction, because a 6’1” kid is running at her waving his arms, and then, all of the sudden, it made sense why John never told me what lead up to my grandmother threatening my stepbrother, and just said she threatened him. Because if he said what really happened, he couldn’t construe that as being unreasonable, but if he just leaves it at, “she threatened a kid diagnosed with MRDD”, now that sounds really bad.
In December I got a text from John with a new number, he had asked me if I could start sending $25 a week instead of $10. I said I can manage $25 when I’m on breaks, but it’d have to go back to $10 while school is in session. He said that sounded good. He had asked me if any of this will ever be fixed. I, being done rehashing the same conversation we’ve been having for the past nine months, said, no, and that I didn’t really see a point in having a relationship with one another outside the current arrangement, and that I couldn’t be in one big happy family with someone who threatened to punch my father.
Finally, this had all come to a head on January 8th. For some added context, my two cousins ordered a custom blanket for my grandfather as a Christmas present, with a picture of the four of his biological grandchildren on it, (they have never met my stepsiblings, nor have either of them even seen my step father, and subsequently, have no pictures with six of us). Additionally, on my grandfather’s dresser at the nursing home, there had been a picture of me, my sister, and two cousins, as well as my two stepsiblings. My uncle had put the pictures of my two stepsiblings in a dresser drawer, leaving only mine, my sister, and cousins’ pictures on the top of the dresser. Additionally, sometime in November, my stepdad and mother cut my grandfather off because he likes to tell everyone what everyone else is up to, not even in a gossipy way, just a grandfather way, and they didn’t like that, so now they limit their phone calls and visits, so that is presumably the reason my uncle stuffed their pictures in a drawer (unbothered king).
Here is the text I received from him, and I will just let it speak for itself. My response is in italics. (He calls me advocate because I committed the crime of stepping up to act in the best interest of my sister, apparently overstepping my mother, whom my sister has not seen since April, and has been uninvolved, and stepped down. As if it's an insult.)
“Hey advocate lol. Have a question your mother and grandfather just had words why would u and Maggie and (uncle)'s girls make a blanket for your grandpa for Christmas of just you 4 ? He has 6 grandchildren (stepbrother) and (stepsister) as well. Your mom is pissed like I've never seen and I'm beyond pissed. What do u think is going to happen when we all meet up? Being mad at mom or I I get. But these kids have done nothing. That was just wrong on multiple levels. Then found out one of you put (stepbrother) and (stepsister) pictures he had away off his dresser. Why??? Those kids have done nothing to any of you pieces of shit . Fuck with me all u want but none of you better ever fuck with these kids ever again All of you are pathetic little bitches that dont have the balls to come at me so u fuck with my kids. I repeat all of you need to leave us alone period!!!!!! And my kids !! I won't ask again Just pay me the fucking money you owe and be done It's sad that a year half later u pathetic bitches won't let shit go. Leave us alone!!!!!! You all made 2 kids that had nothing to do with this cry ect. (stepbrother) wants to fight you and the rest of the family. (stepsister) just hates all of u. Why the hell would you all do this to them. Unreal. All they ever wanted (Me) was to be accepted same as me that's it. Instead all any of you have done is made it clear nothing will ever be worked out”
“Oh my fucking god it's a goddamn blanket. (cousin 2) and (cousin 1) got it for him, I had nothing to fucking do with it. What's pathetic is two grown adults throwing a fit over a goddamn blanket and thinking every conceivable thing is a slight and targeted attack against you. I had nothing to do with the blanket. If you have an issue with it, you can take it up with (cousin 2), (cousin 1) and (uncle) or (aunt), but you won't, so you're gonna take it out on me. Because I'll tell you what, neither you nor Mom nor (stepbrother) or (stepsister) were ever involved in them coming up with that idea for a gift. Not a single person thought "oh you know it would be really funny when they finally visit him, they're gonna see a picture of the four of us on a blanket and they're gonna they're gonna be so mad they're gonna stop their feet and piss their pants and whine like crybabies this is gonna be so funny". I don't know why everything has to be about you. I didn't do shit to your kids with the blanket, because I wasn't even involved. I didn't even know they were getting them a blanket or what was on it until I fucking saw it. My level of involvement was them asking me if I had a picture of the four of us. Had no idea why the fuck they were asking it. If you care about it that goddamn much you use the pictures from the photoshoot you all did without me and get him a blanket of the six of you.I am giving you your money and leaving you and everyone else the fuck alone. I don't fucking text or contact any of you, until you come to me and start whining about some bullshit thing I had nothing to fucking do with and expect me to act so fucking empathetic because woe is you.”
“Your family actually made your mom dislike all of you bc of the issue when does it stop. Your mom said it stops now that she's done permanently and so am I. Forget the money it's not worth getting next to nothing I'm just done and I believe your mom is . We just want left alone bc it's just not worth it. I hope u do well in life but Im done. Keep the money. I tried to help be there for everyone and got used ect. Lesson learned. You have alot to learn about life (Me). I hope you start getting it together. This will be your mom and I last text.”
Obviously, no one who posts on r/AITA is looking to be told they’re the asshole, and so I’m going to be up front with this. I know that I’ve also been an asshole in this situation. There is a whole lot more that I’ve chosen to leave out for my own mental health, not because it makes me look bad, or better, but I can only look at so many of the text messages I’ve received from my stepfather because of just how vitriolic they are. Let me know if yall have any questions or want more context, I had to shorten down most of this because of the word cap.
My apologies in advance, there's a lot of backstory that has led up to this, and I feel it'd be disingenuous to leave any details out, but I had to cut a lot of it out. | NTA. You made a concerted effort to make good on any damages that resulted from scratching the car. Your mother and Step father (him especially) sound toxic AF. You sound more mature than they do.
As a 43 year old mom to a 20 year old college Sophomore- yes, it’s good to teach adult children responsibility and taking accountability. I don’t see that as an issue for you here. If anything, your mother isn’t stepping up with either you or your sister.
I can’t imagine just never speaking to one of my children again. -And over petty imagined slights. Part of being an adult means managing our own feelings and communicating clearly. Things your mother and stepfather weren’t doing. I also really don’t like the manipulation “Show you care” stuff. You’re still in the role of a kid. They’re inappropriate for a whole list of reasons.
I hear a young adult over explaining and trying to make sense of some DARVO crap. Please see a mental health counselor that can help you unpack all of these family dynamics. It’ll help you in the long run.
You deserve better parents.
You deserve to have supportive family, clear expectations, and healthy boundaries. |
AITAH for wanting my boyfriend banned from entering my country | For reference me (F23) and my bf (M23)have been up together for almost a year. Things started out great, we met at a bar and he asked for my number.
he’d pick me up every weekend in my city to take me out to dinner or go do fun things together , eventually it was time for him to go back to his home country after 4 months because he was only working here (on a visitors visa and he was working under the table illegally) and he asked me to go visit him while he was there.
After i visited him things changed. We began fighting over day over basic things like house work, but it would turn into screaming matches where we would both say horrible things to each other. He’d call me a pig, and i’d call him poor. One day things escalated and he choked me very hard while he was driving drunk in the driver’s seat and i was in the passenger’s. He continued to slam my head into the glass window repeatedly and opened the door so i would fall out while the car was moving.
from then on it became physical, with him hitting my arms and legs and leaving scratches, after a while i became tired and started fighting back even though it doesn’t do much he’s much stronger then me. Last week i found out he was messaging other women (they didn’t even respond lol) while we were dating and i can’t do it anymore.
i finally have a flight to go back home and i can’t live in fear anymore. i don’t want him here in my country . maybe that’s fucked up but i literally just dont. im emotionally and physically tired. as i stated before, he works illegally on a visitors visa so i could report that, or report the physical abuse he does. I have evidence of everything complied and he openly admits what he does. AITAH? | Protecting yourself is not revenge it is survival and he lost every right to access your life the moment he put his hands on you |
AITAH for speaking in a harsh tone | My partner and I were trying to trim off some mats off my cats bum who is very weird about people touching him in that area. The cat started going mental and so I said let's stop and my boyfriend said no he's just being mardy keep going he's always like this.
The cat continued to get more worked up and my boyfriend yelled at him to stop it. I told him not to yell at the cat in a firm tone because the cat doesn't know what's going on and is obviously scared. He kept telling me I said you can be like that when the cat is genuinely just being nasty, but not when it's scared and confused.
Flash forward a couple of hours and my boyfriend is watching TV with me and not talking to me. I ask what's up and he tells me he's upset with me for speaking to him like that, but in my opinion I feel like I was just setting boundaries and talking in a firm tone. Am I being an asshole? I feel like I didn't use an angry voice, just firm, because he doesn't listen when I speak calmly. He keeps telling me he didn't do anything wrong by yelling at the cat. He also says it doesn't matter if I think he's wrong, if he's upset then that is how he feels. | NTA. Yelling at a confused animal is not only cruel and pointless, it demonstrates immaturity. The pouting afterward shows that he did not even consider why you called him out on his behavior. |
WIBTAh If I do not go 50/50 on a hotel room with my parents? | I'm going to try and keep this as simple as possible. I (31F) recently learn that my mother and I enjoy the same comedian/magician who is going to be doing a show later this year in a city 4 hours away. I asked if she would like to go see her with me. She agreed, and so she and my father are going to the show. We all covered our own tickets, and to save money (none of us is overly wealthy), we naturally decided to share a hotel room. I was originally going to book a cheaper hotel, but my mom said she refused to go too cheap and would rather pay a little more for a little nicer. When I went to calculate the cost, I divided the cost of the hotel by 3. My mom disagreed and said it should be 50/50. When I asked my dad, he was also originally going to divide the cost by 3, but said he would just go with what my mother said. The difference in cost to me is around $30.
I would like to mention, I said I would drive and cover the gas. Also, this is not a hill I would die on. I'm just genuinely curious if my thought process was wrong or not in this situation? Would you think, regarding one's parents, that you should go 50/50 in this situation? I tend to think logically (3 people divided 3 ways), but now I'm wondering if I'm missing the ethical mark here. So WIBTAh for wanting to go 1/3's instead of 50/50? | NTA. Split 3 ways makes the most sense here since it's 3 people in the room. |
WIBTAH To want to end a friendship of almost 10 years with a friend? | So, I have a group of friends consisting of 5 girls (including me) and we have all known each other for almost 10 years. In the last few years one of these (we'll call her Lola) has had a complete change.
While we're out, she uses her phone ignoring us or completely tunes out any conversation we're having and isolates herself in a corner for no reason. Sometimes if we do something she's not interested in, she comes anyway and then starts grumbling (and sometimes yelling) that she doesn't like the place or that she doesn't feel comfortable and so on.
In the last couple of years she has had other friendships, but she has forced us to include them in our group. (We are particularly reserved with our group, because we had some bad experiences in the past and therefore we choose very carefully who we add.)
Initially Lola wanted to add a former schoolmate of one of our friends, even though our friend had told her several times that she absolutely did not want to see her again (because she was her ex-bully). But Lola had organized an event inviting us and the ex-bully without telling our friend and then justifying herself by saying that "we are adults, I thought we would solve things as adults"
Another time she wanted to add a complete stranger Insisting a lot(Lola had known this girl for no more than two weeks) until this stranger turned out to be half crazy.
The latest problem we've had is with a girl who occasionally hangs out with us. Lola has apparently grown fond of this girl, and she is trying her best to bring this girl into the group even though we told her no several times.
Three weeks ago, the five of us had a dinner, and Lola asked at the last minute if she could invite this friend of hers (we'll call her Mary). And if she had told us beforehand it wouldn't have been a problem, but since it was last minute we said no. Eventually Lola went to tell Mary that we didn't want her and Mary got angry with us, with Lola who had taken her side.
The other day, we in the group tried to talk to Lola about it, telling her that what she had done had hurt us. But Lola started yelling, saying that it was a conversation we needed to have with Mary present and that she had nothing to do with it.
This happens every time, when we try to talk to her to address problems she starts yelling or completely ignores things. She did other things (some a little more serious) but I won't say them because otherwise the post will become too long.
I'm tired of trying, and I don't see any initiative from Lola to resolve things... But I'm sorry to lose a friend I've known since I was a teen....
Am I the asshole? | People change and grow apart. That's exactly what happened here. Your and Lolas values aren't compatible anymore and you guys clearly prioritize different things.
You showed initiative to save the friendship and to see if it's just a miscommunication, she didn't take it. There's no reason in forcing the friendship with someone who destroys the friend group dynamic constantly.
NTA |
Aitah for being a b*tch? | So my bf (42) and I (38) have a this friend for about 10 years, good friend for the most part, even a roommate for a while, never really had any big issues with him ever. Untill one night/morning I was sleeping on my couch as I usually do and I wake up to the friend with his hand in my fu*king pants, I'm shocked to say the least so I imagine the look on my face was something of the shocked nature. He looks at me and says "I'm going to get coffee" so fucking awkward but obviously mf bf, even tho he's a shitty bf, he'd still be fu*king pissed about that and loose it right then and there and probably kill the friend. I don't want my baby to have her daddy in jail and just being in shock I stupidly didn't say anything..... To anyone. I didn't expect to see him around anytime soon....buy then Sometime in the next few weeks mother fu*kers back. NOT HAPPY but can't get mad at my bf bc well I didn't tell him(which I of course regret) ..... It happens AGAIN twice actually....I wake up to the same thing. Now my brain is naturally REALLY good at blocking shit out I don't want to remember so I don't exactly remember how those times went even tho it was in the last 60 days. So now I don't know how to tell my bf and the friend is almost trying to guilt trip me by these pathetic texts he keeps sending me........
Texts go as followed *copy & pasted*
"Friend" - Hey I wanted to apologize for that day you woke up and I was standing over touching you I meant to do this way earlier sorry. I was really high and was thinking I was reading your body language and u wanted it like the time before.witch I'm pretty sure u didn't that time. Sorry.it won't happen again..after the first time, I couldn't stop thinking about you I just wanted to make you feel good cuz that does it for me I dream about that and I'm instantly hard.again it won't happen again
Me-You put did it more than once
"Friend" -Op
"Friend" -The first time when I stopped and you gave me that look. why the fuck u stopping then I left to the store because Chris was up .I was in heaven another 5 min I probably been in u were so hot and wet it killed me lol
Just writing this is hard literaly.
Me-Aw poor you
"Friend" -Well at least I got a memory ...mb a pic Togo with it would be the bees knees......lol it won't happen again and I'm sorry I felt really bad and hard
Is that any better or u want me to stay away from U
JAN 4 AT 10:56 P.M.
"Friend" -Ok I will
"Friend" - I guess we're not friends anymore
"Friend" -It's all good I'll avoid u sorry it. Went that way
So people please tell me AITAH for being rude and yeah.... A b*tch to so called "friend" | this was hard to read icl
nta?? |
AITAH for going no contact with my father? | I (19F) am a full time college student. My father (61 M) has been mostly not present in my life. He left our family when I was 6 or 7 months old and has been distant since. We would mostly only speak on the phone once in a while. Fast forward to me about to graduate high school, he started coming back around a little more.
After talking with my mom I decided to invite him to my graduation. We had a great time and spent some time together. Afterwards he came to me and expressed his regret on not being fully present in my life until now and offered to help pay for my college education. Being from a low income household, his help was definitely appreciated.
Due to not being able to pay off my Tuition in full at one time, we set up a monthly payment plan with my university. At first, everything was going smoothly, payments on time and everything. Then little by little he started being late with payments. Until it got to the point where the university would call/email about missing payments and warnings on bans from registering from any future classes because of missing payments.
During this time I’ve called my father multiple times and expressed to him the seriousness of this matter. I explained to him that if we’re unable to pay I would be forced to drop out of college. Every time I called him he kept telling me that his boss was not paying him on time and how he was behind 3 months on rent but he’ll send the money when he can. Even though I was worried about it, there’s nothing that I can do.
A couple weeks later I received an email from my college saying that due to no payments being received, they have cancelled my payment plan and I would need to pay the rest of the money (around $3000) at once or I’ll be unable to register for next semester’s classes.
I took a screenshot of the email and sent it to my father and then I called him a couple hours later to speak to him about it. During the call he kept joking and laughing about it then he asked “so what are you going to do about that?” I immediately got irritated and I said to him “I have no money I can’t do anything. You’re the one who’s supposed to send the money” then he started getting angry at me and called me disrespectful and then hung the phone up in my face.
I went to my mom and told her about what happened. So she called him to speak to him about it. He then told her that I’m too disrespectful and he’s done sending me money. That I’m an adult now and I have to fend for myself and that he’s done with us.
After a couple days went by he called my mom and said he’d think about sending money if I called and apologized to him. However I refused to do that because I haven’t done anything wrong neither was I disrespectful to him and haven’t spoken to him since.
So Reddit AITAH?
| NTA but at least you learned that it isn't a good idea to rely on someone who has spent your whole life showing you that they are unreliable. |
AITAH for not backing my sister up in an argument? | My sister(26) is pregnant. She, being a massive football fan, wants to name her son Ronaldo. My BIL opposes this though, saying ‘What if he grows up and doesn’t like or is bad at football?’
That’s why my sister asked me(20) to back her up. Now I actually see my BIL’s point first hand. My dad’s as big a football fan as my sister. He named me Bergkamp, which raised some heads back at school when I was a kid. Highly unusual since I am an Asian who looks Asian.
So I didn’t side with my sister and instead stayed out of it. She got very annoyed at me for this and said my BIL is being silly and I should have backed her up. | Bergkamp 😂😂😂 you poor sod ahah. Why didn’t he call you Dennis atleast….
Yeah, you’re right. She’s nuts, but would she compromise? If your sister likes CR7 would they agree to something like Cristinano or Christian or even Chris? |
I just broke up with my boyfriend and I don’t know if it was valid AITAH? | Hi I’ll just start the text off by saying that my ex and I are pretty young and it is both of our first relationships. So I broke up with my boyfriend 3 days ago and we dated for 13 months. I broke up with him because I didn’t feel appreciated. My ex went to this camp 7 months ago and when he came back he seemed really different like he used to compliment me all the time and the day we picked him up from camp (I hadn’t seen or spoken to him for a month bc of the camp rules) I spent about 2 hours getting ready and I was really excited to see him and he just brushed me off and I looked at him for 30 mins straight and waited for him to call me beautiful but he didn’t even look at me and ignored me. And for a few weeks after that I would try and cuddle and kiss him and he would just tell me to “chill” that’s where my problems with his behaviour started. Then things kind of got better but he stopped paying attention to me and on homecoming he texted me and asked if he could drop me off early around 7pm so he could go to a party with his friends and when I asked him to go he shut me down and said no. And we had an in depth talk about how I felt and he ended up spending it with me. Then on Halloween he asked to not hangout and go to a party with his friends and then we had an in depth talk about how I felt about that aswell and I thought it was the end of that but no. On new years he didn’t want to spend it with me and wanted to go to a party with his friends and ditch me. These parties he didn’t know anyone there and he didn’t drink and they were all 30 mins away idk if that was weird…. But anyway then we would hangout and he would not pay any attention to me and I would have to beg him to get off his phone but he wouldn’t. Those are the main reasons. But I had talked to him about what my needs and wants are and we talked about his but he never followed though with when he said “oh I’ll get u flowers and spend important moments with you and get off my phone when I’m with you” I had just thought mabye he wasn’t interested in me but when I broke up with him he cried from 8:00 pm Friday then all day Saturday and Sunday. And he told me he will change and everything but I don’t know if I should give him a second chance. I mean there were other small things that bothered me but right now I really need like other people’s opinions. Thank u. I don’t know if I posted it to the right community but I just need help. And the honest truth. | NTA - perfectly valid to break up with someone who doesn’t want to be around you! Period. End of story. You deserve better! |
AITAH for reporting a shop to Trading Standards | In the UK, you have to be 16 to purchase energy drinks.
When I was putting something in the recycling, I saw an energy drink can in there and asked my 14 year old daughter if it was hers. She said it was, and she wanted to see what the fuss was about but didn't like it and it made her feel "weird" and "jittery." She said she'd bought it on the way home from school last week, and a lot of her friends drink them. She named the shop in question, and we had a conversation about why the limit is 16, and why she felt weird and jittery from it.
Today, I made an online report to Trading Standards during my lunch break. She was in school uniform at the time, and the school is ages 11-16 so only the oldest students are able to buy the drinks, something the staff in the shop should know as that is the age of all secondary schools in the UK so a child in uniform would be 16 at the oldest with limited exceptions (the exception being 6th Form and there are none in the area.) As such, I think the shop should be asking for ID and refusing the sale to underage students / people which is clearly not happening.
My colleague saw what I was doing, asked about it so I explained. She said her child, also under 16, regularly drinks energy drinks and she doesn't see the big deal and thinks the age 16 limit is "ridiculous." I said that even if she thinks that, it is the age limit and the shop should be enforcing it, and not selling something to someone who is underage. This lead to an argument and now I am being labeled the AH for reporting a shop who is selling to underage children. AITAH? | That much caffeine can be harmful to a young person.
Did we not learn anything from Jesse's experience in that *Saved by the Bell* episode? NTA |
AITAH for asking my Mom if she loves my sisters more than me? I hope if I am people don't be so harsh on me because I am really not in a great mood right now and another post yesterday encouraged me to post this. | So my family is me (18M), my 3 sisters (18F, 16F, 17F) and our mom (39F) and our dad ( 41M) we are pretty close family we all hang out whenever and with whoever and my mom and dad treats as all equally, hang out with all of us and spends time with us even more than my dad cuz most of the time he is busy at work more than mom. So we get more quality of time with mom.
My gives us same level of affection and time, hugs, kisses, pet names, hang outs, emotional support, everything she is a great mom and we do everything together and she ( as any mom should from my understanding ) loves all equally and treats us equally like I said. She never made any of us feel less, I am very close to my sisters too. Three of them are just the best they know every secret of mine and they give me advices with my gf (idk if that's great or horrifying lmao).
So the thing is we are all 4 in same school, and my mom drives us to it, and 2 weeks ago when she dropped us, she always hugs us before we leave, when I entered 4 girls told me that they saw us in the morning and told me ( you are lucky that your mom loves you while you LITERALLY have 3 sisters ) I was confused and asked them what does that even mean, and they told me ( Moms usually loves daughters way way way WAY more than sons, that bond is way stronger than YOUR bond as a son with her not equal at all most of the time ask us we are 4 daughters of our parents, sons bond is overrated and not even strong maybe the weakest bond we know in families).
After that when mom came to pick us from school I didn't say anything to my mom or my sisters, I just went home to my room upstairs and kept searching Ai and some stupid psychological studies about MOM loving daughters more because of some brain shit and stuff that I really didn't understand nor did I thought had anything to do with real life families or moms those studies I don't usually trust or believe in and some weird ass outdates rules about gender and of course you know what happens when you spiral and overthink some stupid take someone said to you.
I literally spent this weekend searching if I am worthy enough of my mom's love like my sisters and searching for reassurance (that I got ) THAT son bond with mom is just as strong and there is no "by default" favoritism and that those takes are stupid but OF COURSE i kept spiraling because I am an overthinker.
So my mom and sisters and dad been noticing my weird behavior this week and yesterday I went out of my room and mom dad and my sisters were downstairs and I just went and spontaneously asked my mom IF she loves my sisters more than me and if our bond as mom-son ain't as strong as mom-daughter. I bit on my life I could see my mom's face drain of color and my sisters were so sad and dad was like ( WHOA what's going on here ), Mom just cried and hugged me telling me screaming ( BULLSHIT, WHO TOLD YOU THAT, WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THIS IDEA) and sisters were like (WTF ARE YOU EVEN SAYING THAT IS WRONG ). Mom then asked me if she did something that hurt me or made me feel like that and I stiffed and panickily told her OF COURSE NOT!!. Dad asked me to remember my mom loves us all equally, and the day continued normally but I feel SO BAD for making mom feel like she did something wrong while I am the insecure overthinker. AITAH? | NAH but you need to tell your family exactly what happened. Maybe show them this post, just be honest and open with them. They know you overthink. This was a mistake that hurt someone you love, but they love you and just wanna know what’s going on. Talk to your mom about it honestly. |
AITAH for losing my mind at my husband this morning because of his alarm? | I (30f) have been married to my husband (29M) for 6 years, together to 10. No kids. I’m a very light sleeper and have issues with insomnia. I need an entire system of fans to keep me asleep at night. If my husband snores or moves too much, I wake up. He’s been very accommodating by trying to minimize movement, wear headphones to bed, etc (he needs a tv show to fall asleep and also works on-call, so he can’t silence his phone at night).
My husband is a very heavy sleeper and in the 10 years I’ve known him, has never woken up to his first alarm. He will snooze it or let it run for hours without waking up. He has a shock watch that he doesn’t use much, but has worked very well for him in the past.
I usually wake up between 6:30/7 am, and my husband sleeps until around 7:30 or 8 so his alarms aren’t an issue most of the time. I have asked him not to set alarms on the weekends because I need to catch up on sleep here and there if I have a bad bout of insomnia. It’s well known in our family that I struggle to fall back asleep after being woken up, especially early in the morning.
We have a dog who sleeps on his bed in our room. If I’m not up by 7, the dog will come over to my side of the bed and “tap-dance” until I wake up to take him out and feed him. So that’s usually my alarm - I barely need to set an actual alarm anymore. Unofficially, the morning routine with the dog has become my responsibility no matter how little sleep I get. So I pretty much never get to sleep in. If I don’t get up, the dog isn’t fed or taken potty.
I have had a horrible time sleeping for the last three days and I think I’ve averaged about 2-3 hours each nights. So I’m exhausted.
Last night, I asked my husband if he could occasionally get up with the dog when I’ve had a couple of days of insomnia. I asked specially if he could get up with the dog today since I really need to catch up on sleep, and he agreed. I took a sleeping pill before bed to help me stay a little groggy in the morning so I could hopefully stay asleep when he would get up in the morning.
6:30am rolls around and an alarm goes off. It’s my husbands. I wake him up and ask him to turn it off. He snoozed it and went back to bed. I start to doze off again. 10 minutes later, it goes off again. The dog gets up. I am fully awake now and again, wake my husband up to ask him to turn off his f*cking alarm. He snoozes it and goes back to sleep.
So a disoriented and upset me, still exhausted, gets up and takes the dog out. He comes downstairs 10 minutes later and I’m still upset. The dog would have at least let me sleep until 7. He woke me up even earlier by not getting up to his alarm. So I’m upset and yelling at him.
From my perspective, he knows that multiple alarms in the morning will absolutely prevent me from falling back asleep. He agreed to take the dog out. I assumed he’d use the shock watch, not an audible alarm. Furthermore , I don’t know why he set it for 6:30 when he NEVER gets up that early and is pretty much incapable of doing so.
I feel bad for yelling at him because technically he was doing something nice for me. Though I also don’t feel bad because I’m just asking for a little sleep, which really shouldn’t be asking too much. AITAH?
| Separate bedrooms may be helpful, if you can swing it. |
AITAH for keeping the things I bought for my friend after kicking her out? | For purposes well call her Bailey
My friend (f22) Bailey was living with us during a rough time. During this time, my bf and I gave her very cheap rent and even put that rent for a few months towards getting a bed for her room and when I had a reward with my phone service for a free phone as long as it kept service for 2 years I offered it to her, she just had to pay her part of the phone bill. Well long story short Bailey ended up going off on me one night towards the end of the lease calling me a bad friend and saying I was jealous of her because I wanted to do the same stuff as her. Im a twin, so doing the same thing with my friend just felt normal I didnt know it made me a jealous friend who copied her... So I did tell her to move out, we help take Bailey to her families house and everything she owned. Didn't even expect rent for that month from her because I was so over it all. But I DID keep the bed and the phone. I did plan on giving Bailey the bed originally, but she was blowing up our phones, and calling me all sorts of names and since I paid for it with the rent money she gave us and had the reciept, I felt it only right. I actually have a text message of bailey saying 'she guesses I can keep it too'. I kept the phone because it still had well over a year on the plan and I didnt want to let her have it while I pay it off? I gave her the old phone she had though and I offered for her to pay off the phone and she can take it and she did agree on that! But she never paid it and then continued to blow up our phones, talked about me on Facebook(posting pictures of me saying im jealous and stole from her) and sending messages to my friends and family telling them I stole her stuff!
So AITAH for keeping the stuff I paid for? | NTA this woman is blind to what you did for her, these people only see negatives |
AITAh for wanting my ex to get my name tattooed before we get back together? | F22 dated M24 for 2 years. He struggled with mental health and he warned me about it before we started dating. Neither of us listening to the warning because feelings were so strong at the beginning. He constantly accused me of cheating on him, asked me to see my phone and when i stopped letting him see my messages he would check my screen time. He checked my phone a few times while I was sleeping at his. He watched porn (which I consider cheating and I told him this at the start of our relationship). He said he only did it a few times (just assume this part is true).
He suggested we break up about 1.5 yrs into the relationship because he can’t stop hurting me. Even after going to therapy for a few month consecutively. He just kept getting triggered (his mental health issues was related to me always cheating on him even though I gave him nothing to make him think that). For example when we go to a bar he gets triggered when I look at another guy for too long. Which sounds like insecurity but I definitely think it ran deeper than that. When I found out about the porn thing I left him and we didn’t speak for months.
Fast forward and he messaged me and called me crying saying he wants me back and he’s changed. He said he’d do anything and he suggested the tattoo. When I agreed to it he changed his mind about the tattoo. The reason I said yes is because it puts us both in a position where we’re vulnerable - him because he has a tattoo of my name and me because I’m getting back together with him. For me it would be a symbol of his commitment to working on himself and a means for me to initially trust him before he rebuilds the rest of the trust with proof of his new “behaviour”. The tattoo is in no way meant to repair anything and I did tell him that if we genuinely didn’t work out I would help him pay to get it removed. I said i wouldn’t use it against him or threaten him with it and I gave him a list of my boundaries and things that would lead to me breaking up with him. (They’re all reasonable and healthy) I encouraged him to also give me a list of his boundaries which he hasn’t yet.
This is going to sound absurd I know, but am I the asshole for wanting him to get the tattoo if he wants me back so badly and claims there’s no one else out there. Like if I am so important to him why not just do it? If his life will be so miserable without me why not just get the tattoo? (I also said he could pick the location and size). Idk if i’m being crazy or not for wanting him to get it as a reparation symbol? | Just stay broken up |
AITAH for showing the partner of the guy who f’;d my girlfriend the transcript of how she described everything that happened! | So this happened recently, ide been away on business, and such, I can’t really access socials etc when I’m away. But we all know our So’s right?.. when something isn’t right.
So I knew she’d fucked another guy, I had it narrowed to two from a her FB posts, after some interrogation to her about it, she come clean and started describing what happened. After further investigation, I found the lad had a girlfriend of 8 years, so, naturally I shared what me and my girlfriend had discussed.. warned her about her cheating toe rag boyfriend.
Belittle to me, she a fucking lawyer of sorts and proceeded to call me a liar and I AI generated these conversations. Then threatened legal action?
Sucks to be the decent one I guess.
So, my SO is of no more, but now I’m left feeling like doing the right thing just made everything shitter than it was learning SO had someone else inside her while on business.. (the movies sometimes get it right).
Is this just defensive denial from the other victim or AITAH for spilling the beans and outing everyone involved?
Edit: just some spelling mistakes | NTA - It's obviously defensive denial. Eventually she will find out that you were truthful, and most likely in a far more painful manner. |
AITAH For going no contact? | I recently filed and was issued a restraining order against my father. He is the definition of a narcissist, but he also suffers from BPD. During childhood there was a lot of abuse, verbal and emotional mostly. He also allowed a family member to SA me for many years. He knew it was happening, but he never did anything to stop it. Recently the abuse got physical, so my boyfriend, my daughter and I moved out and didn't want to tell him where we moved for our safety. He has threatened us with everything under the sun, get a restraining order against US (we never did anything to him, he is manipulative and trying to work the system), he tried to assault me before we left, and even recording private moments in my bedroom. We learned that we wouldn't be safe in his home, so we made the decision to move out and completely cut contact. He was relentlessly trying to find our new address, he even attempted to kidnap my daughter once. Because of his expert level manipulation, he has convinced a lot of the family that I attacked him, that I was abusive to him when I was growing up, and so much slander it honestly makes me question his sanity. All the while, continually harassing us, even threatening to sue for grandparents rights for my daughter. (She is 13 and wants nothing to do with him, but he won't accept it) He believes I have lied to everyone and am abusing my daughter to keep her away from him. He has even said my boyfriend physically abuses her, but we have cameras all over our house, the proof is on camera.
After years of abuse, I filed for a restraining order to protect my daughter and I. It was served recently to him, and I feel like a weight has lifted off my shoulders. He continues to say that I abuse my daughter, and is still trying to convince our family that I am the one in the wrong. I just want peace in our lives, but he says I am damaging my daughters life by cutting him out of it. The restraining order includes my daughter, so he is effectively cut out of our lives. My family is stuck in the middle, his brothers know his history of abuse, as he inflicted it on them growing up.
AITAH for cutting contact with him, and cutting contact with the family members that have taken his side? | Rarely are children who cut off their parents the AH |
AITAH for going to my best friends mom about her relationship | I recently visited my best friend in another state. She’s in a toxic and abusive relationship. While I was there her boyfriend gave her the ultimatum that it was either me or him. She chose him. I was extremely worried about her so I talked to her mom about it. She doesn’t have the best relationship with her mom as they’ve had some issues and a lot of the more recent issues have stemmed from her mom not liking the boyfriend. He doesn’t work and she’s barely scraping by as is without his help. She mention to me that he had laid his hands on her. I live states away and so I went to her mom as that was the only route I felt I could go. She’s now messaging me about it and she’s extremely mad that I even mentioned it to her mom and she said “you should’ve talked to me about it not my mom” I told her “I felt like I couldn’t because you wouldn’t have listened to anything I said. He already made you choose between me and him I was worried about you because I care about you. I couldn’t be there like I had been when I lived in *insert state* I’m scared that one day I’ll get the call that you’re dead.” She’s messaging me from his phone so I know he’ll see what I had to say. I didn’t realize it was his phone until she told me as I dont have his number. Now I’m even more worried that this will also make things worse. I’m bawling to my little sister and she’s trying her best to console me but it’s not working.
My friend says she now has no trust in me (which I understand) but she also says she has no respect for me. She said she wants nothing to do with me and it’s absolutely shattering my heart.
AITAH for talking to her mom about it? | https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/s/2iUHnDrtFf |
AITAH because I am over my husbands negativity? | long story short- My hubs complaining and negativity is starting to affect me.
I love my hubs. He is loyal, treats me well mostly (we will get into the not so much stuff), and honestly provides a good life for us. I am grateful for him. This is the man I see myself having children with and really making a life out of us.
Lately though, his stress and anxiety are so high it is like he is a different person. He constantly complains about his life. His job, finances, how tired he is all the time, and how much he wishes he could pursue his dream job (sports involved, takes a lot of time and money and generally just luck with who you know type of thing). He says all he does is work, come home, eat, and sleep. For the last several years I have tried to be supportive and understanding how a good wife should be. I make sure he comes home to hot meal, a clean home, and I always give him a lot of praise for how hard he works and how much I appreciate him. He even gets lots of appreciation in the bedroom if ya know what I mean! We truly don't argue much. I give him space to do his hobbies after work to unwind without bothering him (he loves to play on his PS5 and I never, and I PROMISE never, say anything about how much he plays. If it helps him unwind, then I support it, I don't monitor his every move, I honestly never ask him for anything.. and now I realize it is because I am the emotional anchor in this relationship. If I am having a bad day, or I need something, I don't even bring it up because it will just annoy him as something else added to his plate. Like one time my car broke down and I called him for help but he was busy working on a project he is building so he got annoyed and started accusing me of not paying attention to my gauges. Turns out it was an issue that was out of my control and it was not my fault at all. Just a thing that happens. I was met with irritability instead of concern. Never got an apology or anything.
He was treated for depression last year. Began meds.. stopped taking them after a month. Said they weren't working. He has a lab order for blood work and doesnt take time to go get it done to check on his test levels (he is constantly tired, doesn't sleep well, and struggles to be intimate). I am very aware that male depression can manifest as anger--and I feel that is the issue. Or even BPD (grew up with a BPD mom). His mood constantly changes and if he is mad about something the whole house vibe is bad...
There is never a day he is not angry about something. Angry from work, angry about his car, angry about money, angry that he can't buy this or that, complains about needing to work out but is always too tired to, angry that the house has a maintenance expense (water tank replacement etc..). I understand being annoyed and things suck sometimes, but it is every..single..day. My issue isn't how heavy life is.. its the lack of accountability and attempt to make things better. He does NOTHING to change his situations. No actions. His family and I will offer him options for new jobs and he always has an excuse why they wouldn't work. I go to the gym 3x week and every time I ask if he wants to come with me but he would rather jump on his PS5 instead for hours. Again.. choices! He says he is exhausted but stays up late playing games or if we go to bed he will scroll on his phone for an hour until midnight and then wakes up at 5am. He gets mad if I suggest going to bed earlier saying if he did that then he wouldn't do anything but work, eat and sleep. On the weekends he will stay in bed until 12pm/1pm and gets irritated when I get up before him and says things like "guess you didn't want to cuddle with me".. when all I wanted to do was get out of bed and start my day. Then he said he has barely any energy or motivation to get up out of bed. Said he would stay in bed all day if he could. He keeps the status quo of complaining instead of making changes. It is like he enjoys being victim. And if I don't cater to make him feel better- ie chase him down when he storms through the house, or not giving him the response he is looking for when he asks something, or just being HAPPY while doing something for ME (reading my book, tending to my garden) while he is in a bad mood then redirects his frustation to me and he says shitty little comments like "it's clear you don't give a crap" or "do whatever you want I will just do me" when I am trying EVERY day to make him feel supported and appreciated. Sometimes he says things like "Man wouldn't that be the life, getting to play this sport and living in a big house, traveling all the time.." and it is hurtful because I value the life we have and the one we're trying to build together. We have a beautiful home, steady jobs, multiple cars, a little pocket change for a trip once a year.. not saying we are filthy rich but were doing alright in this economy. We have each other. Life is good to me and I am grateful for each morning I wake up, always seems not good enough to him though.
So AITAH if I maintain my happy demeanor and focus on me when he is in a mood instead stooping to the low vibration he is in and dropping everything to cater to make him feel better? | He enjoys being a martyr. He doesn't want suggestions or solutions, he just wants sympathy. I've know people like that. Always negative, always complaining, always wanting sympathy for the situation. I don't socialize with those people anymore.
Do you want to live like this for the rest of your life? He won't change, he loves the attention he receives from complaining. He loves controlling the conversation, he complains, you respond. Repeated ad nauseam. Making you react to what he says is his favorite hobby. |
AITAH FOR NOT HELPING MOM | Ok guys so lest start this off by saying this is a long story but here we go. My mother let's call her pam (F53) just recently told my siblings m26, f31, and me f33 that her boyfriend of 22 years told her their relationship of 22 years is over, and he has been cheating on her for over a year. Keep in mind pam is on disability and lives off the system even though she claims to hate people that do. Also please keep in mind that pam is on disability for having dyslexia and not being able to read. (not that isnt a disability but im just stating for the story).
Pam has only worked maybe a total of two months in her entire adult life. Our father left pam when we were 15,13, and 6. not even two months after our father left she moved in her new boyfriend (the man she was with for 22 years). Our mother was super abusive not only physically but mentally and financially as well. There are plenty of examples but here is just a few
* When i was 16 she was screaming at my baby brother who was at the time 7 and when i say screaming i mean bloody murder screaming because he had spilled a drink on the floor (keep in mind i had already cleaned it up) and broke a glass cup. I stepped in the way when pam went to hit him, so she proceeded to smash my face into a fridge knocking me out. When i woke up i was in a hospital bed about to be moved to a child psychiatric unit. When i asked why i was told it was because my mother had told the police officers (that she called) were told that i had tried to attack pam and i was being put on a hold. I was worried about my siblings and told the nurses and my siblings weren't safe they didn't listen to me (apparently pam is a convincing liar) pam left me in the ward for 6 months. Only seeing me one time where at that point she spit in my drink and didn't tell me and let me drink it. So, i yelled and all she said was see she's mentally unstable i told you and laughed with her friend that was visiting with her. The only reason i got out of the hospital was because my paternal grandmother came to get me and took custody of me.
* On my sister's 18^(th) birthday, she told her that she had to get out of her house since my father was no longer going to be paying child support for her. When my sister was like well where am i supposed to go my mom told her there are beds at homeless shelters and she needed to figure it out because she wasn't responsible to take care of her anymore (i took her in no hesitation and made her go to trade school and paid for her and her schooling)
* My baby brother is a sadder story so trigger warning. My brother was left to take care of himself. He was sa’ed by multiple people under my mother's care including her boyfriend's son. My brother started working at the age of 16 and had to pay most of his paychecks to “rent” so my brother wasn't able to get out of her house until he was over the age of 21 because she blead him dry. Leaving him to not be able to eat cause he couldn't touch “her food” keep in mind he couldn't get government assistance because she had him on her case load and didn't buy him any food
So now I flash forward to now. She is about to be homeless. She has nowhere to because the house her and her boyfriend just bought is only in his name and no bills are in her name. She has no car or anything. She expects me and my siblings to move her to one of the states we live in (me and my sister move over 800 miles away to restart our lives away from family toxicness) and my brother lives over 40 miles away from her. None of us blocked her on social media or anything we just haven't talked to her in years.
Out of nowhere she is trying to talk with us every day if not multiple times a day. Saying it is our “job” as her children is to take care of her. My sister ignores her for a while then blocks her because she doesn't want to deal with it. My brother finally goes off on her saying how she was never there and how she let multiple people hurt him and literally drain him of everything he had then he blocked her to. Then there was me i delt with it for a while and tried to talk to her and calm her down with everything because i felt guilty. That is till today when she yelled at me to buy my children's clothes and not send her the money so she can move. then she yelled at my 8 year old (who has autism) for having a crying fit due to being over stimulated and told my 8 year old “you wait till i get down there you cry like that in front of me and I'm gonna pop you in the mouth till you stop” that was my final straw and i blocked her.
Please keep in mind all of us worked our butts from the age of 16 and she took everything we made and took all my dad's child support and Christmas money he sent while collecting disability. My siblings and i grew up with clothes we got from our friends and our friends' parents. She never bought us any. We were only allowed to eat one meal a day which was normally her boyfriend and his kid's leftovers even during the summers (now i don't know if that changed after i left but i doubt it. All three of us were in one bedroom while his children all had their own rooms (like i said he moved into our home they stuck us all together in the smallest room so they could fit his kids in their own rooms)
Are we the aholes for blocking her and refusing to help her in her time of need? I don't know why i feel bad when she wouldn't do the same for me. But i need your opinion aita? | Your mom sounds like a textbook dumpster fire who wants you to clean up her mess.
She is an adult (F53) and her terrible 22-year relationship is over because she was cheated on. That is not your problem to fix. She weaponized her history before you even asked.
What you need to do is block her number and focus on your own life. Tell your siblings to do the same. NTAH. |
AITAH for not giving my dad a kiss? | I (16F) am not a very physically affectionate person with my family, that is a well known fact with them. I don’t really give hugs or kisses, at most, I give side hugs when asked for (I will give real hugs when the moment is very emotional and calls for it) and fist bumps in between rounds of Super Smash Bros.
About a day ago, I was relaxing on the couch on my phone at around 10 in the morning like I usually do on weekends. My dad came inside from the garage, greeted my little brother and I, then sat beside me and asked for a hug. I sat up, scooted over, and gave him a side hug like usual without any sort of protest. After pulling away, my dad asks, “can I get a kiss?” I didn’t say anything for a few seconds, pausing with confusion and a bit of discomfort. I hesitated before responding with “no.” I didn’t say it in a mean way, (at least I don’t think I did? My parents say I give them attitude when I just talk normally so idk💔) I just genuinely didn’t want to. My dad then frowned. I felt bad so I said “I mean, I can give you a kiss, it’s just that I haven’t given anyone a kiss in literal years so it’d be kinda weird for me.” My dad then got up and I grabbed his sleeve, trying to pull him back over. He said “no, that hurt” and walked away. I kept trying to explain myself, saying that I’d give him a kiss if I genuinely made him upset and that I was just a bit uncomfortable with the request, but he ignored me and left to the garage again. For the rest of the day, we didn’t speak. That night after dinner, before I headed upstairs I said goodnight to him and my mom. Usually when I say goodnight he responds with “goodnight, love you.” That night, he didn’t respond to me at all. I know this could be because he didn’t hear me, but I deliberately spoke louder than usual to ensure he DID hear me and my mom (who was sitting right beside him) responded to me. This morning when I was in the kitchen getting ready for school and eating breakfast, he didn’t say a word to me. When my dad drops me off at school, he usually says “bye, i love you” and some variant of sending-off words. When I was leaving the house today, I said bye to him and he only responded with a bye. Maybe that sounds dramatic, but his tone indicated that he was angry with me. He’s also a very talkative person, he’ll yap to me no matter what my responses are. We rarely see each other on weekdays due to our schedules, so he uses the short time we have together in the morning before dropping me off at school to talk, when he’s quiet it’s very obvious that he’s upset.
This is probably very trivial, but I feel kinda bad. I didn’t want to kiss him because at a certain age it feels uncomfortable for a teenager to be physically affectionate with their family. Also, my family has never really been physically affectionate anyway. It’s not a thing of me being uncomfortable with being physically affectionate with my dad specifically, I don’t remember the last time I hugged/kissed my mom or my brothers either. The last time I kissed my dad was when I was in elementary school. Even when I was a little kid, I remember not liking it when my family members kissed me at all, physically trying to push them off of me with my little kid hands. I wasn’t trying to be mean, I was just setting the boundary that I did not want to kiss him because it’s been years since I have, I’m 16, and it’d feel really uncomfortable for me. I don’t know. Am I the asshole? | nta at all! stick to your stance if it makes you uncomfortable.
you don't owe anyone a kiss. |
AITAH for being ungrateful for what my bf is doing for me during my extended hospital stay including not being able to fully cover my portion of rent | Im sorry if this is long - I have no idea how to tell stories without writing a novel. (My toxic trait) I (27 f) live with my boyfriend (28m)- let’s call him Josh. In June of last year (2025) i started having a serious medical problem. I don’t want to get into it and frankly, it’s way too much to type.
At first (June,July, Aug) I was staying afloat because I work a union government job with good benefits, vacation, sick days ect. I was still working during this period but was constantly calling in sick using ALL my sick time. By September I ended up in hospital and had emergency surgery. The day of my surgery in September was the last sick day I had left.
I know it’s kinda my fault I didn’t apply for ei right away… but in my defence after my first surgery, it didn’t work and I needed a second surgery within a week. During this time I was hopped up on pain killers, depressed and honestly feeling hopeless as I wasn’t getting better. Eventually I started the process for medical ei. By the time I got the paperwork and doctors notes together I ended up needing a third emergency surgery.
I was WRECKED
After the third surgery i honestly had no energy and stayed in bed almost 24/7. During this time my family was keeping me afloat. For context- my portion of rent is $800.
July I was 100$ short. August I paid in full. September I was not able to pay AT ALL. October I was 100$ short. November my ei finally came in and I was able to pay in full, bringing the grand total my partner had to cover for me up too ::::: $1000.
I was also able to catch up on all my bills and pay my family back for floating me
During that time my partner was having to come up with my portion of rent I was short on. It came with complaints and hostility the entire time. Josh- would say things like ‘I can’t eat this week because of having to pay your rent.’ ‘I’m getting bitched at because you’re short on rent’ (we have roomates) Josh would also say he can’t visit me in the hospital because it costs too much money in gas to come see me.
Honestly it hurt me so much. I know money is tight for him but Josh was still buying games on the Xbox, going out with friends, eating out and would constantly use gas to drive to friends/family members multiple times a week the SAME distance in gas it would be to come see me.
One day i had asked for a ride to cancel my insurance on my car. Josh said no at first but eventually agreed as i said he was really letting me down as a ‘partner’
It was pointless i had been paying for it when I’m not allowed to drive and again Josh said ‘because I’m taking you I can’t eat this week so thanks’ and I ended up finding out the day before he bought a game on Xbox for 55$ CAD.
I was hurt and frankly fing angry.
How are you able to say you love me and blame me (over blaming spending on video games) for you not being able to eat (ps not true our house has food)
December comes - I had money left over from the ei back pay and was able to pay in full.
Well now it’s January. He hasn’t come to visit me one time in these two weeks. I have gotten a ride to our place once to see him only. So I’ve seen him once in two weeks…
This month was bad I could only come up with $580 for rent- my ei has been cut off as it’s max 26 weeks of pay. Again I was belittled for it and i got told how difficult I’m making Josh’s life being short on rent, how he has to go without to cover me ect…
I found out he has spent 140$ on the (devils lettuce) this month alone already. I am at my wits end that he has money to visit friends and family, buy games, buy (that lettuce), the fact he guilts me about being short on rent but he dosent have 25$ for gas to come see me and make me feel like I’m worth something…..
When I have brought up how much it hurts me, how lonely I am, how depressing it is without him coming to see me I feel like I get totally gas lit. Josh brings up the fact he has to cover my portion of rent. He brings up that he sent me 400$ one time, 60$ another time and a few times 10$-20$ for snacks and food.
Josh brings up the fact he’s had to buy my rabbits veggies every week (15$) a week. Brings up how much money he’s spent on gas coming to see me. At first I just let it go and said ok maybe Josh is right. I should be thankful/grateful he’s taking care of my 5 animals and has covered me when I’m short.
So I’ve been patient and understanding about him never coming to visit all of January but ya girl is lonely so…..yesterday I asked him to come visit me considering he hasn’t been at the hospital since new years and he said he can’t come see me for another week.
Here’s a little backstory.
I had been making more money then Josh as 3 years ago he decided to start a company and they (Josh and his 2 partners) pay themselves a tiny salary twice a month.
For the last 3 years I had covered 80% of our expenses like groceries, toiletries, grabbing food out, date nights.
100% of the following- Car repairs, gas, insurance, anything to do with our pets (we also share two cats besides my 5 exotics)
I also have bought him basically anything he’s needed. AirPods. Apple Watch. Custom Air Force’s. Expensive underware. Slippers. Gaming chair and monitor. Motorcycle. Clothes. Vacations. Car parts. Probably more but I can’t remember everything over 3 years.
My love language is giving gifts so atleast once a month I would throw together a random care package with items, goodies and a love letter.
Also, for 1.4 years I paid 75$ of his rent every month. I’m not trying to brag or flex or shove around I paid for all this stuff. I did this because I loved him and wanted to see his company succeed. He never does things like that for me, no gifts , no flowers, no surprises.
I always excused it that he doesn’t have the money but he is always some how able to come up with money to go out with friends or put gas in his ridiculously expensive car (130,000)
And to be fair in that 75$ extra I paid of his rent it actually ends up being more then the amount he’s had to cover for me while I’m SICK AS HECK.
Back to current day: I have constantly brought up to Josh the fact I need him to visit me more, and I’m always shut down and told how expensive it is to come see me and he can’t afford it. He said to me tonight he gave me $400 and had to cover my rent multiple times and that’s why he can’t see me. It’s some how my fault.
I’m absolutely loosing my mind. I blocked him so I don’t end up sending a rant or saying something I will regret. My friends say he treats me like dirt and I’m 100% NTAH but a part of me is so used to being treated like trash from my upbringing I actually feel like I should feel grateful for the following:
he takes care of my animals and covers the portion of rent I can’t make. Lending me money while I’ve been in hospital.
Then the other part of me is thinking GIRL get it together your telling yourself to be thankful for the BARE MINIMUM.
So Reddit tell me. AITAH for thinking he is doing the bare minimum things a partner should do and getting upset about it…..
OR do I need to get some self worth and stand on business that Josh is a bare minimum partner and I deserve a lot better. My friends tell me that there ain’t no fing way they’d put up with that but they also my girls and always take my side anywaysssss
Sincerely- a female asking if she is crazy or not before she blows the pot off the top
| I'm sorry, but you don't have a partner. This is not what a relationship is supposed to look like. Have some self-respect and break it off. |
AITAH or more so my husband, for not giving his sons mom more parenting time when she asks? | I need to know yalls opinions... AITAH or more so is my husband?
For starters, I do not make decisions for my husband when it comes to his baby momma. He does ask my opinion but ultimately, he makes the decisions.
My husband has full primary custody of his son. He is extremely strict with the court order due to issues with his ex. Here are just a few
•His ex is engaged to a registered pedo
•His ex has had 3 known domestics in the last year and a half. One with her mother, one with the pedo fiancé, and one with a friend. All of which she was found as the aggressor and all of which were in front of her kids.
•His ex has missed at least half of her court ordered parenting time since my husband has gotten custody.
•His ex has dropped off the face of the earth several times since my husband has had custody. One time for over a month.
That being said, on to the question. Are we the assholes if my husband continues to follow the court order to the T with no wiggle room? His ex wanted to pick their son up early Friday after her ultrasound(yes she is pregnant again, baby #6 baby daddy #6). When my husband said he is sticking to the court ordered time and pick up spot(she wanted to pick up from our house and we do not want her on our property) his ex flipped out, saying a bunch of garbage about how the only reason she doesn't have custody is because she was homeless for 30 days(part of the reason but there is way more to the story. Read some of my previous posts.) and how my husband has been horrible to her(he hasn't. He just keeps communicationto a minimumand only about their son and she hates that.) She also got into some personal stuff about how they are just strangers raising a child and "you are not the man I had a kid with". My husband was respectful with his initial response. "We are sticking to the court ordered dates and times. Thank you". They use a parenting app also. He did not respond to her after she flipped out. She said at the end of the message that she wants no more contact with my husband other than drop off and for him not to contact her again. Obviously he will have to if there is something involving step son. My husband does not contact her to begin with unless it is involved their son. This is not the first time she has demanded no contact.
So, are we the assholes?
| No. There’s your validation |
AITAH for getting mad at my mom | I’ve been going through a really rough year and sometimes I really consider suicide. I have also engaged in self harm. My mother does not know this. She works overtime and has a lot of stress on her plate. Today after work I asked her a simple question that needed to be answered, but she kept asking for specifications even when I already clarified that prior (a day before). It was supposed to be something like,
Me: “What animal is your favorite”
Mom “A cat”
but instead it went on like this
Mom: “What do you mean, like a mammal”
Me: “Any animal”
Mom: “So it can be bacteria? Wait let me think.”
Me: “no not bacteria just any animal”
It went on like this for quite a bit before I just snapped because I already was in a terrible mood and yelled ”why cant you understand? its a simple question, just answer already!” One might say I crashed out, which I know I should have had more patience but I was really not having it. Then my mom started screaming at me how I am so inconsiderate and other such insults before punctuating each insult by shoving my head and shoulders with two fingers at least ten times(quite forcefully, it hurt). One thing to note is that I am smaller than her.
She started rambling about how she works overtime and how it takes more time to answer a question. I understand that, but the same way she crashed out, is the way I crashed out. But at least I did not hit her. So AITAH? | To clarify the question wasn’t about animals lol it was about something on my college application |
AITAH for asking this girl if she likes me for about 4 times | So this sounds bad, but please hear me out.
So there's this girl i like right, and i got her number from an old friend, and texted her to see if she liked me back. I used to go to school with her and we chatted sometimes. She reacted kind of shocked and unsure, and asked me if I could give here some time to think. I respected this and let her think for a bit, in the mean time we texted back and forth a little bit, before I asked her again about 2 weeks after, and she said she still had to think, little weird, but respected her opinion. I asked again a couple times, and she still had to think, at this point i had had enough really. When i asked her a MONTH after i had originally asked her, she got really defensive and started saying that i was pushing her too much. I feel like this isn't really my fault, as I was starting to get quite annoyed and wanted an answer really.
So what do you think, am I an asshole for this?
P.S: What do you guys think i should do now? | YTA and for future reference "I have to think" is a no. |
AITAH for not being friends with a person anymore? | So I'm currently 15 F , and i am friends with this girl who is the same age as me (for now I'll call her ' S ') . In 8th to 9th grade we used to be in a group of 3 with another girl who was also the same age as us (for now I'll call her 'P') . I and 'S' met in 7th grade and became friends, at first it was nice being friends with her and I liked spending time with her because she was the only friend I had at that time , or so i thought. In our summer vacation in 7th grade we joined a basketball ball class and met 'P' we all instantly became friends and spent hours talking to eachother, but after some time 'S' slowly started distancing herself from me and became Close friends with 'P' i didn't have any problem with that because that was her life and she could friends with anyone she wants , but if I talked to someone else or got close to someone else she would get upset and would say that i betrayed her bad forgot about her . This situation would always make me be on edge and not let me be friends or talk to someone else . Soon 8th grade started and 'S' completely stopped talking to me , started spending more and more time with 'P' and I was left alone , this did make me upset but like again that's her life and she can be friends with anyone she wants . 'S' started to talk to me again but only when she needed something like money , notes etc. I was okay with that since friends help eachother but I started noticing that she would only talk to me when she needed something or during exams . If i sat next to her she would say that ho somewhere else i don't have space here (I'm not fat/overweight) she would sometimes even call me poison and ghost me constantly. 'S' would constantly criticize my opinions, my style , my music taste and almost everything about me . When 9th grade started , i and 'S' decided to team up for a group project since we lived close by , she opened her Instagram and i accidentally saw her text with 'P' which were about me (i went to a mall without her as she was busy and said that she was with 'P') the texts were about that I was really upset and wanted to ask her if I did something wrong but I let it go . 9th grade started and a new girl joined our class I'll call her 'W' she i sat next to eachother and became friends. 'S' did not like 'W' as she had different opinions than her and would not do as she would say. 'S' asked me to not be friends with her nad to choose between her and 'W' i couldn't and choose to be friends with both of them I was more closer to 'W' than 'S' as 'W' would listen to my opinion, never cut me off of conversations , spend time with me , had similar opinions as me and would genuinely listen to me even about the things that she didn't knew I loved spending time with her and being friends with her . After sometime 'S' did something that made the most of the friendship and relationships in our school to break and I lost a lot of friends because of that except for 'W' she was still friends with me she and i got a lot closer and spent more time together soon 'S' and i grew apart and she made new friends but she would still from time to time tell me not be friends with 'W' and would say that i betrayed her . This time straight up told her that i am closer to 'W' than her and I liked spending time with her being friends with her more . She didn't like that . I still talk to her from time to time but she has started to ghost me again (we are in 10th grade now)and i did the same thinking she needed space but she again says that i betrayed her and that I am a traitor.
I forgot to mention it but 'S' would constantly copy me and cross boundaries of mine , say a lot of hurtful stuff to me and she also would ask me to tell her about my secrets but the last time I told her something our entire class knew about it so I stopped telling her anything.
I am not longer friends with 'S' so I just wanted to ask if I did the right thing or am I just being petty ?
I am really confused rn so i need someone's opinion on this | NTA. From what I've read, 'S' is TA. Along with that, it appears 'S' was being toxic towards you, as they told you not to be friends with 'W', betrayed your trust, and from the looks of it, ruined your other friendships. You did the right thing. |
Aitah for not wanting my daughter to go stay with my mil | I 20 female and my mil 43 female don’t agree on a lot and I need advice or something bc she wants my daughter every two weeks and I don’t agree with it bc she has been in my daughters life 24/7 for little bit more back story I used to live with her but we butted heads and I didn’t want that around my daughter so we moved in with my mom and then we got a place of our own and now she wants my daughter every two weeks ps I don’t have a car and my daughter is only a year old and it’s hard for me as a mom to have someone complain about me to my husband and then wants me to let her see my daughter like make that make sense you want to say shit behind my back and what makes me think that you ain’t gonna do that I front of my child and I’ve talked to my husband but he’s split in the middle he doesn’t wanna cause trouble with his mom or me so am I the asshole for not wanting my daughter over there with my mil? | That is *your* daughter. If MIL can't handle your boundaries, she can get to stepping. None of my family is in my kids lives bc I don't want them exposed to the lifestyles they live. Stand on business mama. It's exhausting having a kid strapped to you 24/7, but at least you know she's safe 💚 |
AITAH for not sneaking out late at night? My boyfriend wants me to. | \*\*not wanting to sneak out\*\* and we've missed out on opportunities to do so and he's pissed at me saying he thinks I'm a coward.
I'm 18 f and a senior in high school and recently I started dating a 24 year old man I met on Tinder on November 3rd. My parents are supportive and he's a great guy except for he wants me to sneak out with him late at night and go to bars. He encouraged and (basically forced me) to get a fake saying I'm 21+.
My parents let me do what I want on weekends but they want me home by 10:00 pm on school nights. But whenever I have a school night, they have work that same day (week day) so they often sleep early and my boyfriend wants me to sneak out at like midnight or so. He keeps telling me that unless I have an exam that day I have no excuse and that I need to live life. He said that 2nd semester of senior year I'm already done with the college application process and things get easier from here, so he says that it's worth me partying late at night with him sometimes. He also said that he gets off to me sneaking out, he thinks it's super hot.
AITAH for not wanting to? I always get super anxious because my parents would ground the hell out of me if they found out and I don't want them to forbid me from seeing him. I'm still in high school because I'm born in mid October (past the August cutoff) and until I'm in college on my own, I still kinda have to face their shitty control. My bf said he's willing to deal with this because he loves me and I'll be out of high school soon enough. He wants to move to where I go to college and have us live in an apartment together. His current apartment lease ends in June and I wouldn't move till August. | He doesn’t love you and I can’t believe your parents are entertaining this bullshit.
If you tank semester 2 of 12th. Your acceptances can and WILL be rescinded.
Go to college and live your life. Leave this loser behind. He WILL ruin your future. |
AITAH for breaking up with my boyfriend when he never fully forgave me for leaving him a year ago? | I (18f) and my boyfriend (18m, lets call him Chase) of 6 months/2 years (we broke up in December of 2024, and got back together in August of 2025; had been together 2 years before breaking up the first time) broke up last night and I'm still kind of processing what happened.
*P.S. Yes I know we are young, and it will probably sound stupid to many of you, but I feel that I have nowhere else to really go.*
For a while, after getting back together, I had felt weird about our relationship. I didn't feel like he didn't love me or that he was cheating, but just like nothing had really changed since our last go at the relationship. There was a thought always in the back of my mind that I didn't love him the same way anymore, but I figured that it was just teenager stuff and I could move on and get past it. However, the more our 2nd try continued, the more we fought about the same things and the more the same thought kept popping up.
To give some context:
Last year, around Christmas time, my parents told me they were getting a divorce and my world got flipped upside down. I was 17 and in the middle of my senior year of high school, so I became even more depressed than I already was and began thinking about suicide and shutting people out. Around this same time, I met a guy (lets call him Will) at my place of work and my already, for lack of better words, weakened mind began to drift and start to like this him. Fast forward to Christmas Day in the evening. I sent a long break text to Chase saying that I didn't feel supported by him and that he was making my feelings about everything going with my parents about himself. I said that I wished him the best, and then I blocked him on everything. Pictures deleted, number blocked, Instagram account wiped of his existence. A week later I jumped into a relationship with Will that lasted around 3 months until he broke up with me because he thought I didn't trust him. The next day after being broken up with, I reached out to Chase because I was on the verge of suicide and I felt that he was the only person that would understand. We began talking again with no intention of getting back together until he told me that he still loved me and I told him I felt the same way. A couple of weeks after that, we met up in person and we got back together. One month after getting back together is when things began to happen cause the "honeymoon period" was over. I was noticing him acting the same narcissistic way he was before and I tried to look past it. Over the span of these 6 months that we were back together, we fought, we lied, we cried, we laughed, we smiled. It wasn't all bad. But he always brought up everything that had happened with Will. He used it in arguments to justify his actions and his words. He used it in casual conversation and would say things like "I don't want to be tied down to you in case you do something stupid again", "Who's the guy you're with now?", or "Its okay, I'm used to being cheated on"
(No he hasn't been cheated on in the past)
But recently, like right before this past Christmas, we had a fight that changed my mindset about our relationship. I was having flashbacks about everything that happened a year ago (it was more emotional flashbacks) and I had a panic attack in my car. I reached out to a friend and asked if they could hangout so I could stay physically safe, cause at this point, I had gone without suicidal thoughts for 6 months and I didn't want to fall back into that. About 30 minutes after I calmed down, I told Chase about my panic attack and he was offended that I went to my friend first. He said that as my boyfriend, he should always be my first call when everything is wrong and that he was having flashbacks too so my feelings didn't matter and I should see it from his perspective. He told me "You don't deserve my support right now." After that, he stopped responding to any of my texts.
I was hurt. I felt that it wasn't safe for me to express my feelings to him anymore. So after talking with my mom the next day, she advised me to take a mental break from everything and just mute/block him for the time being. Unfortunately, he took me not answering as me breaking up with him. He told all of his friends and his family. Later that same day, I unblocked him because I felt guilty and he reached out immediately asking why I broke up with him. I said that I didn't and that I was taking a mental break from the situation. We talked about everything and I told him that I was also feeling suicidal that night which is the reason I went to my friend for physical safety. He said that if I would've just told him that I was having suicidal thoughts, that he would've stayed and helped me through it. He said he was still offended that I went to my friend first and that I could've gone to him to get through it. He also told me that he was feeling suicidal and we could've worked through it together. I believe that the reason I went to my friend first was because since the flashbacks were about my parents AND Will, and I don't think a conversation with Chase would've been helpful because of comments he has made in the past. But he stuck to his story.
A couple of days ago, we had another fight about the same thing. Him being offended and me just being pissed off because he wasn't changing and something about him not telling his mom until that day (3 WEEKS after the original fight). We fight for a while just going back and forth making mean comments, calling each other childish and then we both say we don't want to fight anymore, saying "I love you" then moving on.
Yesterday is when everything exploded. I had been thinking a lot about whether the relationship was healthy for me, and was planning on visiting him for a couple of days at his college before my holiday break ends and I have to go back. The drive felt like forever because I was dreading seeing him. I realized as soon as I got there and saw him that the relationship was over and I didn't love him like that anymore. Sure I still care, but just not romantically. I couldn't look at him. I stared everywhere else but at him. We got into his dorm room and I tried to act like everything was normal so I could just get through the visit and then break up with him and then leave. But I couldn't sleep. I tried physical touch, but I was shying away (I don't like being touched unless it's someone I love) and feeling sick every time. I could tell he knew something was off, but was trying to ignore it for the time being. I ended up laying on the floor, claiming that I was cold. I knew I couldn't stay for the whole visit and planned on leaving the next morning.
I needed to crash out and cry so I left the room and found a warm place to curl up and watch YouTube until I fell asleep. But of course, like I said, it all exploded.
He woke up around 3am and texted me wondering where I was. I told him I was still in the building, and that I was just cold. That wasn't a lie, cause I really was cold. He asked if everything was okay and I said not at all but I wanted to talk about it in the morning. However, he kept pushing at it and eventually asked "Are we breaking up?" I said that we will talk in the morning. I really didn't want to talk at 3 in the morning. He said "Fucking runner" because I was "running from the conversation."
Here are some things he said during this interaction:
"Can't even talk to me in person?" - I was planning on doing a FaceTime call because I know myself well enough to know that I would've tried to hug him and that would've just made things worse. I did say that I would meet in person, but that it wouldn't be until the next morning.
"You aren't being a good person right now, and I know I'm not being one either, but this is fucked up"
"Why did I ever defend you"
"Come get you're shit and leave hen if you're not gonna talk about this like an adult"
\- I said I would talk tomorrow. I said that over 3 times to him
"That's not how this works. You talk it out when it happens"
\- I said "Nope, its going to be on my terms"
"Then we're done"
\- I said "Okay, if that's what you want"
"I'm not going to be with someone who won't tell me what I did wrong"
"Why do you get to do everything for you"
"What about me?"
I went to the front desk and asked for them to grab my stuff from outside his room cause he had thrown it all out. And when he saw that it wasn't me coming to get my stuff he said:
"Pussy"
That I night I stayed in a hotel and drove the 3 hours and a half hours home in the morning. Now I'm sitting in my room not really regretting the break up, but wondering if I am the AH for doing all of this. For letting it drag out this long. For saying certain things.
So, strangers on the internet, what are your honest opinions about all this? And I am willing to answer any questions to clear anything up. Sorry for the Harry Potter length story, I just felt that the context was necessary. And to clear one thing up, I do seriously regret what happened with Will. I've apologized so many times. Over-explained. Answered questions Chase had. But when do I get to stop feeling guilty for that? When do I get that freedom?
Thank you for reading this newly minted adults post :) | You broke up with Chase before you tried to shoot your shot with Will. You didn't do anything wrong in that instance. It wasn't cheating if you broke up with Chase first.
I think your second try with Chase was a mistake, because clearly Chase remained bitter and angry with you, and wanted to make you feel bad. Why would you remain in a relationship with someone like that?
I would guess it has something to do with how messed up you are. You think you deserve to have someone emotionally beat you up because you feel like you're a 'bad' person. Or something. I believe a little introspection on your part will help you get to the bottom of it.
I think you need help from a professional to get to a place where you understand that you do not deserve abuse. Are you in college, where you can get an appointment with a counsellor? Or do you attend a religious establishment like a church or synagogue where you can get counselling? Do you have a psychiatrist or therapist whom you see regarding your suicidal ideation? |
AITAH for refusing to visit my wife’s home country again because it's literally a shithole? | We're 29M, 28F. My wife is originally from a third-world nation. Till now, We've visited her home country together for two times -
* For our wedding in 2021.
* 2 months during winters of 2023.
I won't say the country's name, but it was full of filth, EXTREMELY overcrowded (I hate crowd), street animals, trash, large & open sewage, air pollution, sound pollution, people staring etc. This list will never end. I was compelled to stay at her home 24x7. Forgot to add, I got harassed by a dozen of homeless kids once and almost hit by a street cow.
I never mentioned this all during our visit, but after coming back, I made it clear that I won't be visiting that place again, unless it's very important (like health issue of her parents, etc). She nodded in yes, she knew that genuinely, it wasn't a good experience for me at all.
Now since last month, she wants us to visit her parents' home AGAIN. One visit means 1 month stay minimum. I seriously can't tolerate that environment and mentioned out agreement again, but she wants it anyways.
Recently, when she started it again, I told her to go alone, mentioning that I'll take care of our home & dog. She got kinda offended, as if I'm "abandoning" her. AITA | There are some places I have been that I wouldn’t visit again either. Can you pay for her parents to come and visit you instead? |
AITAH for getting angry when my husband stays out late drinking and I can’t go to sleep? | My husband and I share a studio apartment. Sometimes after his shift (he’s a cook), he’ll stay late and drink. Since we share a studio apartment, I can’t fall asleep until he comes home because he’ll just wake me up and then I have trouble falling back asleep. AITAH for getting angry when he does this? | I’m gonna be honest and say I’d be really unhappy if my partner gave me a curfew. I’d be looking at white noise machines, eye masks, sleeping in separate rooms when he’s back late. |
AITAH for asking that whoever uses the last of something in the fridge to let me know? | This is my first time ever posting something like this but I really want to know if I'm in the wrong.
I want to start this off by saying I don't police the food in the house. Everyone can eat whatever they want whenever they want. I only have two rules to it. Clean up after yourself and if you are using something that usually isn't in the fridge or cupboard or the last of something to ask or let me know. Mainly because I want to know if I need to restock what is being used or to let the person know if it's already earmarked for a recipe. 9 times out of 10 I'm cleaning up the others mess and I'm finding that I wasn't informed about the last of something being used.
Well this argument actually started out stupid but has become bigger. I went to get the last of a drink I have been buying that I enjoy and it was gone. When I asked my daughter if she had drank it she said yes. I asked her why she didn't tell me she was drinking the last of the drinks. She said she forgot and apologized, I explained again the reason I need to know and that was the end of it with us.
When I mentioned it to my husband though he got mad. He said if it's in the fridge it should be able to be used. I told him that wasn't the point I was trying to make, I was trying to say it's courtesy to inform the main grocery shopper and meal maker if something is being finished off. And now he's saying that I should label the food and he just won't eat anything out of the fridge anymore.
I grew up that it was courtesy to ask and/or inform others if you were using the last of something. Apparently he grew up where it didn't matter and says he would go to his mom's house now and eat the last of stuff and not let her know. I understand that we came from different backgrounds about it but I don't feel like I'm asking for much just to be informed about the last of something being used. So, AITAH? | First, if a new rule is in play, you need to understand that others aren't going to slot it into their priority box. They will mess up and need to be reminded...with kindness, not shame. You want them to tell you right away, you might not be there, they may be in a rush and not present. Instead, maybe put a dry-erase board with GROCERY LIST on it. That way, it's not about you - it is about the house, and it's running for everyone's benefit. Gentle reminders go much further than demands...thats just how our brains function best. |
WIBTAH if I charge my Aquintence gas money for driving him with me to work | So basically I work with an acquaintance from school for a internship at work. We live in the same dorm and I drive him to work with me whenever we go, and ontop of that whenever we leave the city to go back to our homes on the weekend, i take him with me to drop him off at his hometown since its on the way to my hometown. BUT there is some context for this as well.
For the job, it explicitly said when applying that you NEEDED a vehicle to get to the workplace as it isn't accessible through public transport and he applied and got the job anyways.
I am paying for parking at the dorm we stay at as well.
He doesnt have a car or a license for that matter.
The reason why I ask is because I while everytime I drive he is also going to those same places too, and regardless if he wasnt here or not I would still be going to the same places, I just feel like it wouldnt be fair if we didnt split the gas bill. He initially reached out to me to carpool as well, only for this scenario to happen (and not the typical I drive one day and vice versa). Ontop of that, technically I am taking the "risk" by using my car as well because of the long commutes back home, so im adding extra mileage and wear and tear on my car. Any sort of scenario where the car goes down, I am the one who takes the downfall.
I am asking because to me it seems obvious, but when I ask him he sounds iffy and unsure and uncomfortable about it. | NTA. Ask the freeloader for gas money, a share on insurance & maintenance, etc. |
AITAH for not telling my best friend a girl was making very ugly fun? | So three years ago me and my three now best friends went to our new school , we met on our first day , where we found out we share a dorm and had been inseparable since (lets call them Ginger and Penny, me and Ginger go to the same Grade and Penny goes to the opposite so we don’t share any classes but we are at the same Year). So we have this “popular” group in our class and they were the mean type of friend group. Once me and Penny were talking and she confessed to me that she found out that this specific friend group had a groupchat where they would take pictures of people in a bad moment and were making fun of them. She told me that she think that they did it to everyone but this one specific person (lets call her Ginny) started more and more taking embarrassing photos of Ginger and was making fun specifically of her. Just mentioning that it was like half of the year our class met each other and we all got well together. Penny told me that it got very bad even with the comments and that every person in the groupchat thought that it was very mean towards Ginger and stopped responding or left the group chat. Me and Penny decided that it was not worth telling Ginger because it was probably like (at the moment) another half a year later. We thought that maybe it would now do more harm then good and left it at that. It’s now a year later since Penny told me and i can’t stand to look at Ginny. Me and Ginger got even closer together and are like sisters. But there’s always a nagging feeling like she deserves to know the truth. AITAH for never telling her? Should i tell her or never speak of it again?. | NTA. there is no reason you need to tell her she was being insulted |
AITAH for refusing to sell a bag to a customer? | So for context I sell preloved handbags on a selling site and have been doing this for three years. I pick up the handbags cheap and I flip them and make money off doing so. This is my full time job.
Now onto the problem, I have had several interactions with a certain customer who keeps buying bags off of me, only to turn around and complain and demand their money back.
The first time this happened the bag apparently had a mark on it so I requested it be returned to me, when I received it back no mark but I had the item back so I left it and resold it successfully to someone else.
This happened again with a different bag, I didn’t realise at first that it was the same customer until they reported an issue with the bag. They said this bag was not the bag they had bought. So I messaged them privately asking for photos of the item they had received so I could verify if there had been a mix up. The customer refused. I then went to the customer support system on this selling site.
They decided to side with me and the customer left me a negative review claiming I was difficult and a fraudulent seller. I then blocked this customer from being able to purchase my items again.
It then happened a third time. This particular item was an expensive Coach bag for context so obviously I was very worried about something happening to it. When it sold and I printed the postage label I noticed the address and name was the same of the previous customer who had caused problems for me. I even went back to look at the two previous orders to verify it was the same person.
I then decided to cancel the order and told the customer that I would not longer sell to them considering our last interaction and I was surprised they still wanted to buy from me. When I did this they went absolutely ballistic at me, calling me all sorts of names, reporting me to the selling site and abusing me and my buisness across social media.
However when I told my friends about what had happened they thought I was out of line. That I should have given the customer the benefit of the doubt and sent the item and money was money and that I bought this all on myself.
So AITAH?
Just a note as well my husband also resells and has had the same buyer mess around with him too. Also after posting I went back through my messages with my friends and noticed one of them wanted that bag but didn’t want to pay for it so I declined. Idk maybe that is why at least one of them is being like that.
Every time apart from the first has been a new account this customer has made. | NTA. It's just a smart business practice to protect yourself. Your friends obviously don't own small businesses. |
Aitah for wanting my mom out of my life | I'm 20 years old, female, and my fiancé is 25 years old, male. We've been happily together for almost a year, except for a baby in July. However, whenever I found out I was pregnant, I was already in my second trimester. When my mom and step-dad found out, they accused me of being disrespectful. Whenever I said I had set rules for my kid, such as not watching certain shows or going outside at a specific time, they said it was disrespectful. Because my fiancée is the father, I want him and only him in the delivery room with me because they keep making me anxious. Then my step-dad says my fiancée is a deadbeat. Whenever my fiancee helps out the most, all they have to do is take me to appointments because my fiancee's truck broke down and he's trying to get it fixed. It really hurts my feelings whenever they try to force themselves into the delivery, knowing I'm not comfortable with it. My mom wants to go to my OB appointment to see when my actual due date is and is purposely turning her phone up loud while I'm trying to sleep, coughing on me and sneezing, and stealing my pillows, knowing good and well I'm in pain. I love my mom, but she needs to respect my boundaries. I tried to be nice to her several times, but it's getting old. Just because she is my mom and older doesn't give her the right to disrespect my fiancée or me and say he's not a dad. Just because we aren't married yet, yes, he is a father and already a very good one. She's accusing him of being abusive whenever he won't let anyone hurt me or disrespect me and makes sure I'm comfortable. What should I do because I'm about ready to cut my mom and step-dad out of my life for good for the safety of myself and my child, because I gave them chance after chance. | Jeebus, learn to punctuate. The period, comma, semi-colon, and colon are all friends you should cultivate. |
AITAH for not wanting reconciliation and them subsequently getting me fired? | About a year ago, a few of my "friends" started treating me like shit without explanation, and I happened to work with one of them, who I will call S. During the summer, I left that place of work to do some seasonal work, and the poor treatment was ongoing until I left. When the seasonal job ended, I returned to work in October at the same place, and I was honestly over it, and the way they all treated me. I had figured out it was all because of a huge misunderstanding 10 months prior, and accepted that if a miscommunication could ruin friendships the way that it did, the friendship deserved to die.
My first couple days back went pretty well, aside from me catching S staring at me frequently. I decided to address it, so I wrote them a letter (I chose a letter because in the past, they had redirected conversations before I said what I wanted to, the content I discussed (the misunderstanding) wasn't appropriate to discuss at work, and in the past, when I tried to talk to them, they began belittling me and being vulgar, and in the past I know the issue was discussing emotional topics in front of others.
The context of the letter was me saying my return had nothing to do with them, which it didn't, and that I figured out what the issue between us was, and if they wanted to, they could continue reading the letter if they still wanted clarity about it.
The next time we worked together, they said they read the letter and wanted to be like we were before the misunderstanding, and I got caught up in the moment, and said yes, but first we'd need to discuss what happened, so it never happened again, along with some boundaries being established. S said yes, but they wanted to wait until they achieved a certain life goal.
Over the next couple weeks, we joked with each other and talked periodically, but not nearly to the degree we once did.
A few days passed after they reached the life goal, and I asked them when we could talk, and they said "I don't think I have the time."
This irritated me, to be honest, because I felt like they were putting zero effort into reconciling, and that's when I realized S probably just wanted to sweep everything under the rug without actually taking any accountability. I decided then that at that moment I did not want to pursue reconciliation any further, but at this moment I was okay with how things are, but I still wanted to discuss boundaries, so we know each others limits.
I asked S if they wanted to talk about the boundaries, and they said they were busy with work, and I could tell I was being blown off.
A little while later, S was talking to G, another coworker, regarding my decision to not want reconciliation. "It won't last that long" S had said.
This irritated me even further, so a little while later, I went to ask another coworker for advice, but S was now talking to that coworker, who I will call M, every time I went to talk to M. This irritated me even further, because their reason for blowing me off was because they didn't have time because they were behind on work, yet they had plenty of time to talk to M for 30 minutes.
Over the next two days, I reflected on everything. and why I am still getting so triggered by them, and I realized that since they never apologized for the way they treated me, or even acknowledged that they hurt me, I felt it was all bound to happen again, and being that their communication style is what started all of this, and it hadn't changed, I was no longer okay with S periodically talking to me, so I wrote them a letter, for the same reasons as the first one.
I walked up to them, and handed the letter to them, and said it was about my boundaries changing (I was asking S to keep their distance from me), and exactly why I changed, and why I changed my mind. As I gave S the letter, they had a smirk on their face, and I knew in that moment, they were going to get me fired.
Fast forward two days, and I walk in to start my shift. I was called in to my bosses office(R)
R waited until one of the other employees were present. That is when R said I was being trespassed from the building for harassing S. This didn't make sense, so I asked why. It was because S and someone else who has yet to be identified (they didn't tell me because they didn't want to be involved, but by doing that they are involved whether they like it or not) said I make them uncomfortable and I wouldn't leave S alone. This confuses me because I was the one to tell S to not come near me, and before that, i had only spoken to them about what was mentioned earlier in this post. Before that, if they weren't okay with me speaking to them, they should've told me. The real kicker is that R had the TRESPASS form filled out before even hearing my side of things, and I was told that S is looking into getting a restraining order.
Also, I would like to also say that I struggle very mush with social cues and reading social situations. S had agreed to inform me if I ever do something that bothers them, (On January 12, 2025 to be exact) but they have not done that, despite me making it very clear, and them promising they would. I also feel hurt because I made my communication needs very clear. and around every corner they have been neglected.
S happened to be working the day I was trespassed. They were clearly expecting me to retaliate, because not only did they hide S, they also had the other employee escort me around the building to grab my personal belongings and such. I understand the precaution, it just hurt that I worked for this company for over 3 years, and they thought I may become violent (I'm not). Maybe that's just my ego, but I feel betrayed by my friends, and all of my coworkers.
I want to be clear. I did not yell, threaten, or do anything to intimidate S. If they felt the letter was too much, or if they wanted me to leave them alone prior to this, they should have told me, but I think S did this to get me to react a certain way to validate every bad thing they've said about me over the miscommunication from a year ago.
The fact that they have their friends and family check my Tik Tok every other day supports this theory, but ultimately, I don't know if the reason was malicious, or if they actually thought I was harrassing them, but even then, asking my to stop should have happened before resorting to reporting me for harrassment, right?
| As a woman reading this my heart sank because you tried to communicate and set boundaries like an adult and they weaponized discomfort against you, and while losing a job hurts deeply this doesn’t define you it shows exactly who was willing to silence you instead of being honest. |
AITAH for having my stepdad walk me down the aisle instead of my father? | My parents divorced when I was 6 years old, I was their only kid together, at first they both loved me but when they both got remarried things changed with my dad, his wife had a son who was my age and he immediately became my dad’s favourite kid and I was pushed to the side, and I was pushed away even more when they had kids of their own, he’d still pay child support and take me on his weeks but it always felt like I was just a burden on him and his least favourite kid.
Meanwhile my mom got married to my stepdad who also had a son of his own but he always treated me like a daughter and he was always there for me when my dad couldn’t care less about me, so I started going to him whenever I actually needed my dad instead of going to my father, he was the one I went to after getting my first heart break and he was the one I went to when I was sexually assaulted, my father doesn’t even know that about me and I doubt he’d even care I was hurt like that.
I’ve now been with my fiancée for 6 years and he’s the love of my life and we’re getting married this April. Yesterday my father came to visit me and my fiancée from out of nowhere, he just called me and said he was in the area and he’d love to see me and I said sure, he came to our house and it was him and his youngest son who’s 15, he started congratulating us on getting engaged since this is the first time we saw him since getting engaged and he was talking about the wedding and he was joking wether he should start a diet or if he looks good to walk me down the aisle, I just said sorry but that my stepdad was walking me down, he looked shocked and hurt and asked why, and I just said that he’s always been more of a dad to me than him, he asked if he’d have any part in the wedding and I said I’d give him an honorary father daughter dance which is more than gracious to him and other than that he’d just be a normal guest, he was hurt and kept asking if I could include him more, I got uncomfortable and eventually I just asked them to leave and they left. He looked so hurt.
now I’m doubting myself, am I being too hard on him? Am I in the wrong here? Honestly some part of me still loves my father and I miss him so much at times but those times get fewer and fewer every single year, I do believe some part of him does love me because sometimes he’d turn into the best dad for a minute every few years and he’d do something nice for me but he was never consistent and never was like how he was with half siblings with me, it hurts so much.
Am I the asshole here? | NTA Your dad is more worried about how he will be perceived in your wedding than your actual relationship. Do what feels right for you and Congratulations! |
AITAH for considering wanting out of 30 year marriage? | I'm just tired and I want out. But it would blow up our lives and our kids' lives. AITA for wanting out?
For the past five years, his health has gone to crap. I've done everything I can to help him and based on medical appointments last week, he will be reasonably okay. There have been massive health scares in the past few years with emergency calls and I think I may be traumatized by it all. He's not able to work anymore and I fully support our family minus social security retirement.
Our lives turned upside down and everything has evolved around him due to health scares. I'm a teacher and over winter break, I've come to realize he's become as self centered as his parents were. His father was not someone who was fun to be around in his final years.
Today I'm back at work and phone apps informed me he drove himself to another city and bought a computer set up to set up a recording studio in our home. He has refused to help put Christmas decorations away and camera recordings show he walked over them on way out. I'm a teacher. We're not wealthy. He had questioned my wanting to purchase an online training course for our daughter who has autism. He questioned the cost (3k) and stated he would not be able to work with her to complete it. Vocational training course.
We need a second car. Home repairs. Food made. House cleaned. I want to look at retirement for me.
Today feels like financial infidelity. He is clearly able to do far more physically than he showed me over break. There are decades long issues of course, but watching this physical movement, planning and covert money movement feels like he's cheating. His music is nice, but nothing that will improve quality of life for anyone but him.
I've put off vacations, dental work and life In general for him. I know this is likely under a $10k purchase from his 401k but he has refused to start monthly withdrawal payments from 401k to make up for his lost income.
Honestly, all signs for the past five years indicated he would die. I thought I needed to give him best quality of life. Now it feels like I'm going to be trapped.
This would blow up our lives. I feel deceived. He is clearly far more able bodied than I realized. I'm watching him on cameras. I don't have a car but he now has equipment for a music studio. He can build a studio and has the intellectual capacity for this, but won't sit with our learning disabled adult child to complete a training course while I work. I was under the impression memory loss was part of his condition.
AITA?
| You’re not an asshole for wanting to leave, you’re reacting to years of stress plus a serious breach of trust.
* You’re burnt out from years of caregiving and constant emergencies.
* Trust took a hit: he hid a big purchase and prioritized himself over the family.
* It’s not a partnership right now: you’re carrying the money, home, and parenting load.
* Your needs matter too (health, stability, retirement) that’s not selfish. |
AITAH for asking my Mom if she loves my sisters more than me? I hope if I am people don't be so harsh on me because I am really not in a great mood right now and another post yesterday encouraged me to post this. | So my family is me (18M), my 3 sisters (18F, 16F, 17F) and our mom (39F) and our dad ( 41M) we are pretty close family we all hang out whenever and with whoever and my mom and dad treats as all equally, hang out with all of us and spends time with us even more than my dad cuz most of the time he is busy at work more than mom. So we get more quality of time with mom.
My gives us same level of affection and time, hugs, kisses, pet names, hang outs, emotional support, everything she is a great mom and we do everything together and she ( as any mom should from my understanding ) loves all equally and treats us equally like I said. She never made any of us feel less, I am very close to my sisters too. Three of them are just the best they know every secret of mine and they give me advices with my gf (idk if that's great or horrifying lmao).
So the thing is we are all 4 in same school, and my mom drives us to it, and 2 weeks ago when she dropped us, she always hugs us before we leave, when I entered 4 girls told me that they saw us in the morning and told me ( you are lucky that your mom loves you while you LITERALLY have 3 sisters ) I was confused and asked them what does that even mean, and they told me ( Moms usually loves daughters way way way WAY more than sons, that bond is way stronger than YOUR bond as a son with her not equal at all most of the time ask us we are 4 daughters of our parents, sons bond is overrated and not even strong maybe the weakest bond we know in families).
After that when mom came to pick us from school I didn't say anything to my mom or my sisters, I just went home to my room upstairs and kept searching Ai and some stupid psychological studies about MOM loving daughters more because of some brain shit and stuff that I really didn't understand nor did I thought had anything to do with real life families or moms those studies I don't usually trust or believe in and some weird ass outdates rules about gender and of course you know what happens when you spiral and overthink some stupid take someone said to you.
I literally spent this weekend searching if I am worthy enough of my mom's love like my sisters and searching for reassurance (that I got ) THAT son bond with mom is just as strong and there is no "by default" favoritism and that those takes are stupid but OF COURSE i kept spiraling because I am an overthinker.
So my mom and sisters and dad been noticing my weird behavior this week and yesterday I went out of my room and mom dad and my sisters were downstairs and I just went and spontaneously asked my mom IF she loves my sisters more than me and if our bond as mom-son ain't as strong as mom-daughter. I bit on my life I could see my mom's face drain of color and my sisters were so sad and dad was like ( WHOA what's going on here ), Mom just cried and hugged me telling me screaming ( BULLSHIT, WHO TOLD YOU THAT, WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THIS IDEA) and sisters were like (WTF ARE YOU EVEN SAYING THAT IS WRONG ). Mom then asked me if she did something that hurt me or made me feel like that and I stiffed and panickily told her OF COURSE NOT!!. Dad asked me to remember my mom loves us all equally, and the day continued normally but I feel SO BAD for making mom feel like she did something wrong while I am the insecure overthinker. AITAH? | Do you love my sisters more" Post: "NAH (No Assholes Here). It’s normal to have these insecurities at 18, even in a loving family. The fact that you feel your mom and sisters are your best friends is a great sign. Just talk to her—she’ll likely be happy to reassure you. |
AITAH: Need Advice on Friendship Situation/Argument | for context i am F(23) my friend lets call her Samanatha is F(22) as well, we’ve been on and off friends for about 5 years but recently just became close in the last 3ish years i’d say. a few months ago she found out she was pregnant. i was over the moon could not be happier for her, i congratulated her everyday asked her how she was doing frequently, she also had a condition that made her very sick in her first trimester so we wernt in contact as much as we usually were, also around this same time my nana went back into the hospital she broke her pelvis from a bad fall. anyway, fast forward to a few weeks before her gender reveal, i told her i’m gonna have to try to find a ride there since i don’t have a car atm, and wasn’t really trying to spend 50$ on an Uber (25 mins there and 25 back). i expressed this to her and she didn’t really say much, which i didn’t think much of it at first. Found out my aunt was off that day and was able to give me a ride. i told her how i was so excited to come and for days prior kept mentioning how close it was getting and how excited i was. well, the day before the reveal my aunt calls me and tells me she got covid from my uncle and she wouldn’t be able to drive me. obviously i was very upset bc now again im back to having no ride there. i sent her a video in our GC and told her her the situation to which she left me on open and didn’t reply for hours. i texted the group chat around 7 that night responding to one of our other friends saying she was sad i couldn’t make it and that it really sucked how things worked out. i forget exactly what i said, but i realized that Samantha’s younger sister who were also friends with, left the groupchat. i think i asked why she left the gc, and that it was weird. our other friend told me she was annoyed, to which i replied bc i can’t come? and she said yeah and other stuff too. so i was like damn she could’ve easily told me she was unadding me and so on and so forth. i said it was weird that she unadded me out of nowhere and didn’t say anything bc we were friends or so i thought. now samantha enters the groupchat, which resulted in telling me that it’s weird that im not coming to my bestfriend gender reveal, that im just making excuses not to go and that i don’t do anything for my friends, all because i can’t make it to her gender reveal. i understand that it’s very important to her that i was there, but if the roles were reversed i wouldn’t have treated her that way. obviously got pissed and said this isn’t fair to me just bc i can’t make it to make me seem like a horrible friend or like i’m not coming on purpose, also making it seem like they’ve been waiting to say these things until we’ve got into an argument. i felt like they’ve been feeling that way for awhile the way the argument went and spiraled out of control. in the end, i was left feeling like i was in the wrong all bc i couldn’t make it and plans changed. i now feel like i should apologize and try to make it right, but im unsure and need advice. it’s been roughly almost 2 weeks since we’ve spoken. she’s removed me on all social media, i don’t even know if she still has my number. i don’t know if i want to continue a friendship with someone that feels that way about me, especially when they wouldn’t come to me and express the way they feel, or should i cut her some slack and realize it was just the pregnancy hormones/situation making her lash out and say hurtful things she didn’t mean? my other friend that is also her bestfriend said that she never meant for us to stop being friends, but that she wasn’t going to reach out and that she knew i wasn’t going to either. i just feel stuck. i do miss having her in my life but also, i don’t want someone in my life that was meant to be removed from it for a reason, does that make sense? am i a bad friend for missing her gender reveal bc i didn’t want to spend the money going back and forth and my ride fell through? also, i wondered why if she wanted me there so badly why she wouldn’t have had her mom, or somebody else there pick me up and i could’ve tried to find a way back. idk. anything would’ve been better than that it turned out to me.
any advice is appreciated thank you!! | NTA at alllll, you tried your hardest to make it work with rides and excitement but life threw curveballs and Samantha turned a legit transportation issue. Pregnancy hormones can make people extra emotional but that doesn’t excuse blasting you, dragging up old stuff, and letting her sister unadd you like you’re the villain – you’re not a bad friend for missing one event |
AITAH for firmly believing it’s my partner’s responsibility to solve for their snoring? | LSS: My partner’s snoring has gotten increasing worse and nothing I do to help me sleep better works. They refuse to seek medical input/help, and firmly believe it’s my responsibility to find ways to deal with their snoring so I can sleep better/more easily.
Background: My partner and I have been together for 6 years. They snored a little bit in year 1 (so little it was actually kind of cute), a little more year 2, progressively worse years 3-5, worse this year.
They saw an ENT 3 years ago who gave them a take home sleep test. Maybe I’m biased, but I’m not convinced it actually worked (or as effectively as a traditional sleep test). They said it came back fine and they just needed to get a nasal spray. They checked back in with their PCP 2 years ago who suggested they take over the counter anti-allergy meds. My partner is convinced this is enough information for them, but neither of those solutions seems to be doing anything.
Currently: They’ve also become incredible nasally in the evening, it’s almost like clockwork around sunset. Their snoring has become guttural; I wish I could fully convey how loud, deep, and nasally it is. I try to go to sleep before them to get a head start, play sleep music every night, and sometimes even try using my earplugs but it’s bad enough to where those don’t block the sound (and definitely don’t block the vibrations their snoring cause). I can’t comfortably sleep on the couch either. Maybe I’m biased, but I don’t feel that I need to be the one to resort to the couch every evening.
I’ve tried explaining how dangerous snoring like this can be but it’s clear they don’t believe me or care if it is. They’re firmly convinced they’ve done all that they can to solve for their snoring and it’s on me to find a way to sleep better in the night.
So, Reddit, I come here to ask: am I the a-hole in this situation? Do I need to compromise more? | NTA-record your partner snoring and then play it at full volume the next time they are trying to fall asleep. See how they like it. |
AITAH for getting my dad to tell my brother to move his stuff out of my house… even though his room is locked? | Here’s the situation: I pay for the **entire house**, and my brother’s stuff has been sitting in his old room for **8 months**. I’ve asked him repeatedly to move it, but he keeps delaying—“next week,” “I’m busy,” etc.
Now here’s the kicker: **the room is locked**, and he refuses to open it. He just bought a **new house** and has been fixing it up, which I get, but **my house is not his storage unit**.
I finally had my dad talk to him and tell him he needs to get his stuff out. My brother is now acting like I’m the villain for “forcing” him to deal with it.
So Reddit… **AITA for wanting to finally reclaim my own house when the room is literally locked and he refuses to move?** | If it’s “your house”, why would you dad need to be involved?
Also, how many times are you planning on deleting and reposting this? Bolding more words each time won’t change things.
If your parents don’t mind keeping your brothers things at their house (your home), then too bad for you. |
AITAH for touching myself during sex | Aitah for touching myself during sex.
My boyfriend 29m randomly bought up that he finds it weird when I 26f give myself clitoral stimulation to orgasm during sex.
We’ve been together for 2 years and I’ve always enjoyed our sex life. I’ve had several sexual partners before but consider sex with my bf to be the best. We have sex regularly and I’ve always felt he’s attentive and unselfish in bed. At the beginning of our relationship I found him open and non judgmental which allowed me to feel comfortable in the bedroom. For example I’ve never been able to dirty talk with other men because I felt too shy but could do it with him almost straight away.
So last night when he told me about this issue I was really shocked. He’s never said anything before to indicate a problem. Often he’ll actually guide my hand to my clit which I’ve taken to suggest that he wants me to help myself finish.
Last night he said that he finds it weird and thinks it makes our sex pointless because I’m basically having sex with myself. I didn’t really know what to say in the moment but I told him I was quite upset by what he was saying and annoyed that he’s never bought this up before if that’s how he feels. This is something I’ve done throughout our 2 years together so not a new habit.
He went on to say no other girl he’s been with has done that and that his touch has been enough for them. Sometime during our sex he’ll stimulate my clit and I’ll orgasm from that which I bought up to him. He said whilst that’s true he thinks it takes too long for me to orgasm that way and that other girls he’s slept with have been much quicker.
This morning I did some research into how normal it is for women to need clitoral stimulation to orgasm and read it out to him. My thinking was that it would assure him that it’s very normal for me to need it. While he accepted it, he’s maintained this line about how it’s weird it takes me longer to orgasm than his exes from his touch. And that he doesn’t like that I touch myself, again bringing up that it makes our sex pointless.
I don’t feel this way. Like I’ve said I’ve always thought we have great sex. This is just something I do to help myself orgasm as penetrative sex alone won’t get me there.
I’m at a bit of a loss here as I don’t see how I can enjoy our sex going forward if he doesn’t want me to help myself finish or spend the time himself to help me. I told him this and he’s said he just wanted to be honest and he feels better for having said it. I just can’t see a way to resolve this.
So aita for doing this? It sounds like his ex girlfriends didn’t do this so maybe I shouldn’t be doing it either. I guess it makes him feel bad. | [deleted] |
AITAH for dyeing my hair pink behind my boyfriends back? | So ever since I knew that hair dying was possible, Ive been wanting to have pink hair. I am now a teenager and can legally dye my hair without my parents consent.
However, my boyfriend had been asking me not to. He said he disliked dyed hair and tattoos and piercings, etc. I really love him and I dont want him to break up with me over something like that, so we talked about it and he said if I wanted I could dye my hair, but not fully and he said no abstract colours like pink or blue or just anything not natural.
So yesterday I went to my friend and we dyed my hair. I didnt dye it completely, only my bangs fully and some highlights in the back, because he said he loved my hair and didnt want me to destroy it, so I thought this was a good compromise. When I told him proudly that I had dyed my hair he only answered with "?!". He had threatened me before that he would give me the silent treatment if I dyed my hair fully, so now Im scared I got him mad?
Im not sure if hes mad. He didnt write me again so I wondered if just dying my hair against his wished might have been an asshole move?
My bestie had been saying if he doesnt approve of the choices I do with my body, hes not the one, but I feel really unsure now.
I feel like this might be a stupid question, but AITAH for disregarding his wishes? | I assume you are a young teenager. Your bf does not get to tell you whait to do with your hair. |
Stuck em with kittens AITAH for laughing? | My neighbor was having some remodeling done on his 19th century home. It was quite a lengthy project. As the contractor was there a while I’d say hello in passing etc. On weekends he sometimes would bring his 3 young children to play. It’s a safe area but on a busy road. One Saturday, as I was pulling in he came walking over and had this pissed off look on his face. Before I can even say hello, he starts cussing. Apparently while his children were playing while he was working, some lady pulls in and ask if the children wanted to hold a kitten. Of course they said yes. She gave them each a kitten, then proceeded to put her vehicle in reverse and drive away. Just left them. As he was describing this to me, he was so red faced and his eye was twitching from anger and I couldn’t help it, I lost it. It wasn’t a smile or chuckle, full on knee slapping laughter. Now as one can imagine, it didn’t help him feel better. I’m GenX so I’m not the most consoling human. Also not helpful. Still, funny wrong. AITAH for laughing? | NTA
I probably would have laughed too. |
AITAH for going no contact with my child’s father | So long story short, I made a bad decision and slept with a man I barely knew and ended up getting pregnant. (I know it was dumb and I shame myself enough for it so I don’t need anyone else’s opinion on that part) When I first found out, the father asked me to get an abortion I told him I couldn’t do that and he said okay, then he wished death on the baby saying he hopes I get sick and lose the baby. I didn’t talk to him for a few weeks then he came back around saying he wants to be in a relationship and work things out. I really tried but he is so narcissistic, he says hurtful things and then when I tell him that what he said was wrong he says that he never said it and I’m making it up. He showed up to one appointment and hasn’t shown up to any others even after saying he’ll be there but never comes. I was just in the hospital with heart problems from the pregnancy and he never showed up and didn’t check on me or the baby. I’m currently in a situation where I won’t get paid maternity leave and it was too late to get on short term disability so I’ll be out of work with no pay when I give birth and he can’t give me a definite answer on if he’ll help or not which I highly doubt he will after seeing how he’s been with all of this other stuff. Am I wrong for just cutting him completely off and moving away where I’ll have support and help? | NTA. Take care of yourself and your baby. |
WIBTAH if I didn't tell my ex of 7 years about my new relationship until after he moved out? | I (27F) was with my ex (25M) for 7.5 years. We broke up in May after repeated letdowns and broken promises to change behaviour, get help for his issues and make a proper effort with me. I love him, but I'm not in love with him and haven't been since we broke up. We signed a 1 year tenancy in June of last year while in an incredibly stressful and traumatic set of circumstances, mostly for me — trust me when I say it was the best option at the time.
We are still close, but growing apart steadily, and it's become difficult for me to live with him. My therapist says it's only adding to stress and confusion, and preventing me from fully moving on. He volunteered to move out early if things got bad (still paying rent which he is able to do), and he knows I'm most likely gonna take him up on that.
Just under 2 months ago, a close long distance (online) friend of mine told me she wanted to try dating. I wasn't looking for anything — I just told her the casual flirting we'd been doing for a while was getting a bit too real for me, and we should probably dial back so I don't get hurt. Things have been going really well, and she's honestly so wonderful. I like her so, so much and we're so compatible. We have a long term plan for the future, if it comes to that.
Her friends know about me, her parents know. A few of my friends know about her (they're nearly all my ex's friends too, so it's less straightforward) and I'm probably going to be coming out to my mother and telling her quite soon.
I thought I was going to wait until my ex moved out to tell him, so he didn’t have to be in the same house as me to process it. He'll be very upset and I know it's going to hurt him. But I find myself wanting to tell more people, and as she becomes a bigger part of my life slowly, it seems less fair to him. Imagine if you find out your ex who you just stopped living with has had a girlfriend for a few months, and all your mutual friends have known for a while too? It's also becoming more of an overt concealment as more people in our lives know, which feels deceitful.
Genuinely not sure if I'll be the asshole for waiting. I think I might be — though it'd make living in the house *horrible* for a little while.
WIBTA? | [removed] |
AITAH for wearing a wedding dress to the bar? | I (19F) and my friend (19F) saw this Instagram video of two friends thrifting wedding dresses and pulling up to the bar in them. We thought this would be super funny to recreate in our own local college bar so the other day we ordered the cheapest white dresses online that we could and we went off to the bar in some white sneakers we already owned and drank with people our age and everyone thought it was super funny. We’re just friends and we took a bunch of pics. I posted them and my boyfriend (20M) texted me extremely angry, saying that I’m making a joke out of our relationship, that it looks like I don’t take him seriously and that he feels disrespected. I didn’t think it was a problem at all, it’s obviously a joke.
Two girls going to a college bar in cheap white dresses posing as brides is just harmless fun to me and we stuck together the whole night. It’s incredibly dumb and we think it’s hilarious. Stupid fun for our age. We weren’t doing any romantic poses or kissing eachother, just silly joke poses. I had previously mentioned to him in the past in passing that I found girls attractive but I never dated a girl and have never been open about my orientation or ever put a label on it, because I don’t care about that kind of stuff, and me and her are just only friends. He was kind of hinting at that and I feel really hurt. So, AITAH? | NTA, what's his problem? You sound like fun. 😘 |
UPDAYE:aitah for wanting to break up with my boyfriend because he won’t kiss me | today i decided to break up over text (lousy i know), he didn’t take it quite well but decision was final. the whole situation was causing me a lot of stress so i just decided to end things.
old post below!
AITAH for wanting to break up with my boyfriend for not wanting to kiss me
me (16) and my boyfriend (18) have been dating for 6 months now, i’ve told him before that i’m only comfortable with doing what he’s comfortable with, i’m very go with the flow. we have this mutual friend and a few weeks ago when drunk he told this mutual friend that he wants to kiss me but he’s to scared to. he was also saying he feels like he’s not good enough for me and he’s afraid i’ll find someone better and leave him. when i was told this by the mutual friend i took it into account but didn’t confront my boyfriend because it’s clearly something he doesn’t want to talk about with me.
anyways, yesterday we went to the cinema to watch a movie, and i tried to lean into him and he MOVED AWAY FROM ME ☹️ he didn’t even put his arm around me or anything. one of my friends texted me during the movie and i responded to them, i saw him looking at my texts (it was literally about music recommendations), and after that he just seemed really uneasy and upset. i kept asking him if he was okay but he kept brushing it off.
when i was leaving to go because my mom was picking me up i gave him a hug that he low-key backed away from and asked him once more if he was okay. then when i was waiting outside the mall for my mom i texted him ONCE more and he was like ‘yeah but it’s stupid’. my mom then rings me saying she’s stuck in traffic so i go up to him to properly talk it out.
he tells me what he told my mutual friend and i was comforting him but then he started accusing me of not liking him and lying that i had to go because ‘i don’t want to be with him’ when he literally SAW the texts my mom sent. i was so empathetic and understanding with him but he constantly craves reassurance and our relationship doesn’t even feel like a relationship, i told my mom what happened on the way home and she feels the same as me. do i break up? i feel like our relationship could become quite toxic or is headed that way because of how insecure he is. | you’re right to protect your own peace. if he can’t handle basic affection without freaking out, that’s a red flag. break up without guilt. |
AITAH for not believing my ex-girlfriend was SA'd by my brother? | We (both 25 now) had been together for going on 3 three years at the time of the incident.
Last Christmas (2024) we were at my parents place to celebrate the holidays. My sister and my brother had gone to the shops to pick up some things. I was not in town then, but when I came back, my girlfriend told me my brother had sexually assaulted her. In the morning she reported him to the police.
Of course I was in shock, but my priority was to provide whatever comfort I could to my girlfriend. We went home that day (before Christmas Day) and then began a long period of familial difficulties.
Throughout that time I remained in contact with my brother, who assured me that he had not done what she was accusing him of. I told him his words, either way, were irrelevant, since it was a matter for the court to decide.
My girlfriend understood my reasoning for keeping in touch with him because she was certain that she'd be vindicated by his conviction.
In September, the CPS chose to discontinue proceedings, and I have since fully repaired my relationship with my brother, leading (of course) to the end of my relationship with my girlfriend.
Now, I'm sure that her account of the incident, such as it was, is what she believes in, but it would be wrong to condemn my brother of being a sexual offender in the absence of a conviction.
Now, my ex's sister (who I am very close to) is accusing me of being in the wrong. She's asking me to take into account all the other information out there about my brother, but all of that is really not germane to the matter (at least in my view)
So, AITAH for not believing my brother SA'd my ex-girlfriend?
CPS: Crown Prosecution Service (edit) | YTA I was on your side until I saw your comments. You’re an asshole, a major one. Your brother having a reputation of being predatory towards women is ABSOLUTELY RELEVANT to a sexual assault case. You sound like you’re just as bad as your brother, I pray you are single for the rest of your life to keep women safe from you and your brother. |
AITAH for threatening my uncle over my little brother’s wedding? | TW: mentions of CSA
I’m finally using this throwaway, though I wish I’d never had to.
To get right into the issue: I (30) found out a few months ago that my little brother (27) was sexually abused by our uncle for at least 3 years when we were kids. Nobody ever suspected a thing, and allowed the uncle to take him out of the country, to different states, and to have my brother stay at his house for weeks at a time over summer break. He had almost unfettered access to my brother for YEARS. It makes me sick to think about. I cried for days when he finally told me.
The problem is that he doesn’t want anyone else to know. He hasn’t told our parents, which I don’t agree with but I understand. He’s explicitly asked me to please not tell anyone, or cause any issues for him, or confront the uncle. I was upset but at the time I agreed to it. We live in different states and I hoped to just be able to avoid him, because I’m not a good enough liar to be able to pretend to be normal around him.
Unfortunately things recently got complicated. My little brother is getting married soon to the most amazing girl (who also knows about what happened, and I’ll never be able to repay her for taking care of my brother when she was the only one who knew. She’s an amazing person and I’m so happy to have her as a sister). The time has now come for invitations/guest list decisions, and our mom has repeatedly mentioned how excited this uncle will be for him, etc etc. and it makes me want to vomit. My brother and I have talked in private, and he can’t figure out how to get around inviting this uncle to the wedding, since he was so close to our family for so many years and says he’s still afraid to confront him himself. Our mom in particular is very close to this uncle. It was terrible for me to see how upset he was at the prospect of this monster being a part of what should he the happiest day of his life.
So I made a decision. One that I think any protective older brother would do. My fiancée and I (who also knows, amazing woman) drove to my uncles house. I played nice until he let us into the house, and then I gave him an ultimatum: if he didn’t politely decline my brother’s invitation (and send a GENEROUS wedding gift to boot) I would tell everyone what he did (there were other words and terms exchanged too, but they go against the sub’s rules. I’m sure you can put the pieces together). He was shocked that I knew and tried to tell me first that it didn’t happen, and then that it was consensual. I was seeing red at this point and repeated that if he didnt skip the wedding, I would do what I said.
The problem now is that, after I’ve had a few days to cool down, I think I’ve made a mistake. I was bluffing, I can’t tell everyone because my brother explicitly asked me not to. He also asked me not to say anything to my uncle. I just couldn’t bear the thought of my brother having to see that piece of human garbage at his wedding. I feel like I made a mistake, but I also don’t regret it. I don’t feel like there were any other options, especially because I worried about not being able to hold myself together if he was at the wedding, and doing something that would ruin my brothers day (and end up with me in jail). I also know that my brother will find out eventually, it will be very suspicious when that uncle doesn’t show up at the wedding, and I feel like he’ll know I said/did something. I don’t know if he’ll be angry with me or not. I just hope that he understands why I did what I did.
So, am I the asshole? | NTA, but man I would have stomped him into a puddle the second he said "it was consensual". |
AITAH for telling my former cohort I don’t want to stay in contact after graduating? | I recently graduated with a degree in audio. Throughout my program, it became increasingly clear that the school was passing people regardless of skill level or effort. I don’t think I knew everything—but I *did* come in with prior experience in live sound, so even the final semester (which was supposed to be the hardest) felt very basic. We were still learning things like how to plug in cables.
A lot of my cohort simply didn’t care or put in the work. People regularly turned in assignments extremely late, showed up late, or clearly half-assed projects. During load-ins and load-outs, only about 4 of us (out of 21) consistently helped. One student, after four years, didn’t know how to plug in a cable or open a zip file—very basic skills. Another student refused to participate in required performance finals due to anxiety but never filed accommodations or paperwork, even though those finals were a major part of the degree. I’m empathetic, but this is a hands-on industry—if you refuse to participate without accommodations, I don’t see how that translates to real work. She would cry and stage and run out, imagine doing that at work..
After graduating, I started working at a live venue. I was added to an alumni group chat, which I left immediately because I didn’t feel connected to most of these people. One girl asked why I left; I politely said I wasn’t interested in staying in touch. She kept pushing and eventually said I was rude.
At that point, I got annoyed and told her the truth: aside from a few people, I didn’t think most of the cohort was serious or reliable, and based on what I saw over four years, many hadn’t learned even basic industry skills. We weren’t friends, I rarely spoke to them, and I want to surround myself with people I trust professionally and I know can plug in a simple cable....I said if were being honest, most of them aren't going to make a career in this, and Id rather not waste my time engaging with them
For additional context, this same girl was later fired on her first day at a studio for lying about her experience. I’m friends with the person who replaced her, and he confirmed she didn’t know what she claimed to know.
Now I’m wondering if I went too far by being honest instead of just disengaging quietly. | You’re NTA. You set a boundary and were honest about why you don’t want to stay in touch, it’s not rude to prioritize your own professional and personal growth. In a hands-on industry, experience and reliability matter, and it’s reasonable to want peers who match your work ethic. |
AITAH for Snarking at My BF's Christmas Gift for Me because he's gotten it for his ex gf | my BF(17) and I(17) have been dating for nearly 6 months and we were revealing what we were getting each other for xmas. After I revealed my gift (an instax camera because I knew he likes polaroid pictures), he revealed his which was a kendra scott necklace.
I immediately got quiet instead of giving him a happy reaction. This is because I happen to know that he also got his ex gf a kendra scott necklace. I guess it just felt unspecial and a little bit icky. I started snarking at the gift and he didn't know why until I said "think about it, we both know" and he said after thinking a lot "is it because I got a kendra scott necklace for my ex?"
By the way I want to clarify that he already knows that I know that he got a KS necklace for her, so I know he didn't do this intentionally. He started explaining that mine is not the exact same model(but similar), a different metal, different gemstone, and more expensive than the one he got for his ex, but I still felt upset, I don't know why!
Finally, he said "Its not a darry ring im allowed to buy from kendra scott twice" which is valid. He said I was being mean, because he just wanted to get me a pretty necklace. Afterwards, I asked my friends about it and they agreed with him. They said that he probably just prefers the look of the necklace and wanted what was best for me, and at the time, for his ex too.
This situation has been resolved and we aren't really upset anymore but I just want to know for future reference if I was the asshole here?
| “I started snarking at the gift and he didn't know why until I said "think about it, we both know”.
If he wanted to know why, you should have just told him why. Don’t say things like this. Communication is important in relationships, & it’s really not hard to just say what you mean. |
Told my (34M) GF about (30F) past sex habits/stories. AITAH? | My GF and I have been together for about 7.5 months. She is a bit more conservative than I and has only been with a few people. We started talking about sex and stuff and I mentioned about my body count (around 55-60). She was shocked by that. I also admitted to getting happy ending massages and just spending lots of money on dating apps and Jerkmate.
She was not happy any of it obviously. And she doesn’t like the idea of porn being in our relationship. I previously would spend about anywhere from 3-6 hours on porn on a weekend day. And sometimes 30 mins - 1.5 hours during the week. I mentioned that on dating apps I would just message girls and ask them if they wanted to hookup and sometimes they would.
AITAH for how I’ve treated sex and for how I’ve introduced it to our relationship? | You aren't compatible, your values don't align. She doesn't want a wiener that has been in any bun it can slide into, who would? How often do you get tested? |
AITAH for blocking my dad and “ruining” his birthday? | So I (16F) have a very poor relationship with my dad (49M). I won’t get into too much detail but it is very obvious his favourite child is my older sister (18F) and I’m a burden to him.
In December 2024, my dad decided to move 3 and a half hours away to live with his parents to “start his new life”. It didn’t really bother me as I could spend less time with my dad but now he asks we travel to see him for Christmas.
For a lot of my life I have been doing archery, a few weeks ago I accidentally injured myself. It was nothing serious but it caused a scar on my cheek which I was quite insecure about.
My dad’s birthday is at the beginning of January and he was turning 50. In early December, my dad messaged me and my sister asking if we would visit for his birthday and Christmas. We agreed to travel for Christmas but not for his birthday as school would be starting when I would still be with him and I didn’t like that.
When we went down for Christmas, I still had the scar on my cheek but my makeup mostly covered it up. On Christmas morning, my dad wanted to take a photo with me and my sister, I didn’t want to because I didn’t have my makeup on but my dad forced me to so I had no choice. I asked my dad not to post the photo and he said that was okay. Over the few days we spent with him we did take some more photos, photos where my scar was covered.
Before New Year’s Eve, me and my sister traveled back home. My dad however “did not know we were leaving so quickly” and we “should of told him our plans”. We did tell him but he always made comments suggesting we should stay longer. Even though I told him I didn’t want to.
The day after me and my sister got home, my dad posted the photos of Facebook and titled it “Christmas with my beautiful baby girl.” Implying only my sister visited him and I didn’t.
I looked through the photos and noticed that he cropped out me in all the photos accept one. The photo on Christmas morning where my scar is clearly visible and very pink.
I sent my dad a message on WhatsApp saying what he did was disgusting and he did it on purpose. I blocked him on Facebook and other platforms I had him on.
3 days after my dad posted the photos it was his birthday, my sister showed me the post he made on Facebook titled, “Big 50th Birthday for me, sadly only one child wanted to wish me a happy birthday.”
On the night of my dad’s birthday, my grandma (my dad’s mum) messaged me saying I was an ass hole for blocking my dad and “he didn’t mean it”.
I asked some of my family if I’m the asshole or not, some of said I am and I could have handled it better but some are saying I’m not.
So am I the asshole for blocking my dad and ruining his birthday?
Update: 1 hour after post
Thank you all so much for the support!! Me and my sister decided that we will call my grandma and maybe talk to our dad to see if he would take down the disgusting post he made. Hopefully it goes well.
Update 2:
I talked to my grandma and as soon as she answered the call she started shouting at me that I’m disgraceful. I asked her to put me on the phone with my dad and he told me to fuck off. I told him that if he doesn’t delete the post I will go no contact with him. That silenced him as he is always used to being in control.
After about a minute he said that he never made a post on Facebook (he deleted it) and I was gaslighting myself and he told me to take my medication. I told him that he was a narcissistic dickhead and told him to suck his mums breast milk if he was going to act like a child.
My grandma interrupted the call saying no grandchild of hers will disrespect her “baby boy”. She then told me I should get reevaluated for BPD because this is the “evil disease talking” and not the real me.
I told her that if she seriously thinks that she is insane and I’m going no contact. She hang up the call on me as soon as I said that. She messaged me right after she hung up the call saying my dad wants to disown me. Crazy how one photo caused all of this. | The only a-hole is your dad. |
WIBTAH if I threaten to watch my family while they’re using the bathroom because they refuse to shut the door? | Sounds creepy and even worse, sounds like a ragebait title but I am absolutely serious, let me explain.
I (F26) live with my mother (F60) and older brother (M32). I am moving out in approx. 3 months while purchasing a place of my own. My mother had always been a little “my way or the highway” and schedule obsessed and my older brother has struggled socially his entire life (childhood diagnosis of mild autism). My mother has no boundaries either so I don’t even know if this would work on her (she frequently walks around nude and talks about her intimate life which, good for her but I don’t need to know and talking has not helped).
This family is GASSY. Burping, shitting, hacking phlegmy coughs and doing those loud shouting yawns that drive me crazy. Which during daylight hours is absolutely fine, but at night their favourite past time is to sit on the toilet with the door wide open while doing so in the pitch black for up to twenty to thirty minutes, burping and muttering and coughing away at 2 fucking AM. This happens about 2 to 3 times a night. My bedroom is opposite the bathroom down a short hallway (10ft away from toilet) and I can hear it ALL.
Earphones, earplugs, white noise, ocean sounds, fans, I have tried it all. They are scream yawning into the abyss while letting their asses hang out to dry for twenty minutes post-piss while they whisper to themselves at 1am- 5am. And they REFUSE TO SHUT THE BATHROOM DOOR. I HAVE ASKED AND PLEADED. AFTER 3 YEARS, THEY DO NOT.
Have you ever been woken up by creepy whispers, a giggle then an unmistakeable fart noise? I nearly lost my mind. I think I already have.
So, would I be the asshole if every time I’m woken up in the middle of the night by this, I open up my bedroom door and stare at them through the darkness until I scare the shit out of them so much they get the message? The lights are never on so it’s not like I’m seeing anything, like not even faces or expressions. But they would be able to see the outline of me standing in my own doorway about 10ft away. Staring. Or should I just suck it up for the next 3 months? | Look, I get how insane this must be, but I don’t think creeping them out is going to fix the issue. I mean, they *are* kind of being inconsiderate of your space, so I totally understand why you’re fed up. But the staring thing is kinda *not it*. You’ve been clear, they’ve ignored you, and you’re 3 months from being out. |
AITAH for thinking my mum is emotionally manipulating me and for not being able to cope anymore? | Buckle up, grab a brew, because this is a long one. I’ve been writing this on and off for weeks, adding bits as things happened. I’m trying very hard to keep emotion out of it and just stick to facts.
I’m a 34F. My mum is 64F.
Background:
I was adopted by my mum and dad as a baby. When I was about 3, my dad announced he’d been having an affair. He told my mum, in front of me, that he never wanted a child and only adopted me because she wanted one. So yes, that’s been sitting with me my whole life. My mum raised me mostly alone. She dated but nothing ever stuck, and she’s always said she sacrificed everything for me. I carry a lot of guilt around that.
I still live at home for financial and practical reasons. Mum is too sick to work but hasn’t been put on benefits. She owns the house. I pay for gas, electric, food for both of us, most extras, and rent. I buy her anything she asks for. I don’t really have money left for myself, but I’m used to it. I like making people happy.
A few years ago I left a bad long-distance relationship. Mum was supportive, though she often talked about how my breakup affected her.
Recently, I got into a new relationship. This man is genuinely wonderful and, for the first time in my life, I feel safe. Because he lives closer, I’m now away most weekends.
⸻
Christmas Trip
Mum wanted to go away for Christmas, as we usually do because it’s just the two of us. I paid for the Airbnb, food, and everything else. My boyfriend came too.
From the run-up to Christmas, things were tense.
She was angry I spent a Christmas day with my boyfriend’s family, even though I invited her and she said she was too sick. I’d already done a Christmassy day with her the week before.
She complained I “never do anything Christmassy” with her, so I took a day off work. She stayed in bed all day because I wasn’t up at 8am (I got up at 9).
She kept saying she was unwell but refused to see a doctor. At one point she suggested I go on holiday without her.
The day before we left, she hadn’t packed, ironed, or wrapped gifts. I packed everything while she wrapped presents. The next morning, I was packing the cars while she stood shouting instructions but didn’t help.
We agreed to take two cars. I said I’d pick up my boyfriend and meet her there. She suddenly insisted on coming too, then screamed that I was controlling her when I explained timings. She left right after me but later denied it.
On the drive she accused us of “forcing” her to stop at McDonald’s, even though we asked what she wanted and got it.
At the Airbnb, she didn’t help unload. She got the nicer room. Fine.
She repeatedly accused me of “doing nothing,” called me useless, complained about gifts, food, films, plans. Every day when I asked what she wanted to do, she said, “I don’t mind, you do what you want,” but then later screamed that we never did what she wanted.
She sulked, walked behind us in silence, and snapped at me constantly. If I helped, I was interfering. If I didn’t help, I was selfish.
One day she said she’d cook the beef. When we got back at 4pm, she screamed at me for three hours because I brought the “wrong knife,” called me useless, and said I’d ruined Christmas.
Christmas Eve, I peeled veg while they napped so we’d have more time together on Christmas Day. She screamed that I’d ruined her plans. She cancelled Christmas Eve celebrations because it was “too cold” and refused to play games with us.
⸻
Christmas Day
She said I put no effort in and wasted money, despite gifts being things she asked for.
She criticised how I cooked the turkey. She stormed out and took the dog for a walk for three hours, refusing to let us come. I’d wanted a family walk.
She accused me of ruining the day, criticised drinks, food, timings, and said the turkey was undercooked (it wasn’t).
The next day she claimed food poisoning, yet went on a 3-hour beach walk.
While packing to leave, she did nothing but shout that we were doing it wrong. She screamed that I was selfish, ungrateful, and that everything had changed because of my boyfriend.
⸻
After Christmas
On the 29th, I went to see her. She stayed in bed and screamed at me for four hours, saying I ruined Christmas and didn’t love her.
She insisted I eat leftover beef. That night, I had severe vomiting and diarrhoea. When I told her I’d be late because I was sick, she accused me of faking it.
She commented on my clothes, saying I looked fat and awful.
She made me move my belongings upstairs so I couldn’t even use my room properly, then complained I hadn’t walked the dog. I later found out she tracks my phone.
She claimed she caught what I had (she didn’t).
Tonight, she screamed at me for over six hours because I stopped at a shop after work before bringing her tablets so she could eat.
⸻
My question
I know I’m not perfect. I snap sometimes. I probably enable a lot of this. But AITA for thinking my mum is emotionally manipulating me and exaggerating her illness? Doctors can’t find anything wrong, yet everything revolves around how unwell she is.
I feel trapped, exhausted, and guilty all the time. I don’t know how much more I can cope with.
There’s so much more, but this is already ridiculously long.
AITA?
| My dear, if your boyfriend is still interested, then he is definitely a “keeper”. I don’t know many people who would willingly support a relationship with someone from such a toxic family situation. Do you realize that as long as you continue to be abused by this woman you are sabotaging your own life? I strongly suggest that you move out. Even a simple room in a boarding house would be safer. Therapy is an absolute must, so that you can dig down into the dynamics which keep you imprisoned in this horrible situation. Please save yourself. You deserve joy! |
AITAH for not trusting a family member who constantly lies about his/her life? | It just makes me (f29) nervous that someone (cousin) who is 4 years older than me feels the need to lie about their life and accomplishments. It’s either she is trying to compete with me and she’s insecure or she has a mental problem. You’re clearly not as close with someone as you may think if the person has to lie to you.
Lying about silly things like education levels, what her ex-boyfriend was buying her, how much money she makes, and where she works. The lifestyle she tries to portray doesn’t match up with her behavior because she loves to steal and walk out on bills when dining out. Why lie about things like that when you weren’t even asked about it? I’m starting to feel like I shouldn’t trust her. | NTA. Trust your gut. Keep your distance. You don't want to be around when karma comes for her |
AITAH for starting to hate my friend? | I (19F) have known my friend (20F) Mia, since high school. We were good friends, but I started to distance myself from her because she would make derogatory statements about my attractiveness compared to hers. We stayed friends though, and graduated the same year. I hadn’t spoken to Mia in two years, until she reached out to me and asked to hang out. I said yes, and she came and picked me up. (For context, I can’t drive because my sister, 24f passed away before she could teach me, and my mother can’t bring herself to. I’m working on it.) The first hangout was good, and mostly without consequence, despite her being mildly annoying, but I just chalked it up to me being in a bad mood.
After that week, I caught the flu. I had a fluctuating fever of 105, a migraine every day, and I couldn’t taste or smell. Mia offered to drive me to her work, so that I could get cough medicine and sausage (coincidentally the only thing I could taste.) We ran into her coworker there, who she has a crush on, and she just changed instantly. She started being loud, and laughing at everything. We went up to the deli to talk about buying some stuff and Mia tells her coworkers that she’s driving me around because I can’t drive for some reason. I clarify that it’s because my sister failed to teach me before her passing. Mia’s coworkers seemed genuinely disgusted by her actions, asking why she would say that, and that she should apologize. Afterwards, she pulled me aside and told me how she was embarrassed by that, and that I shouldn’t have said it. I told her she knew why I couldn’t drive and that I’m not going to hide the reason so she can make fun of me.
As we walked towards the medicine isle, Mia pointed out her work crush, and asked what I thought. I’ll be honest, I didn’t really find him all that attractive, even objectively, but I didn’t call him ugly. I just kinda grimaced and moved on. Mia stayed back and announced loudly, “OH MY GOD YOU THINK HE’S UGLY?? GO TELL HIM, YOU NEED TO BE HONEST.” I asked her how she would feel if someone showed up to her work and then called her ugly for no reason, but she didn’t seem to care. After we paid for our items, I ask her to take me home, but instead, she sat in the car for about an hour, sending selfies to the guy we JUST saw inside the store. Then I tell her I can feel my fever going up, and instead of taking me home, she takes me to get ice cream. I’m lactose intolerant, and I have sensitive teeth. I do not like ice cream. She knows this. Mia insists and I spend my money on ice cream that I’m not gonna eat just so she can take me home.
The next hangout after that, we went to go get piercings together. I actually didn’t intend to invite her, I just mentioned I was getting a piercing and she offered to take me so she could get one too. I didn’t see why not, figured maybe last time was an off day. We get to the piercer. She tells my piercer, who I’m actually pretty close with, that she drove me here bc I’m a bum who can’t drive. My piercer didn’t laugh, because he also knows why I can’t drive, and I say, particularly loudly, “yeah too bad my sister couldn’t teach me because she’s fucking dead.” Mia looked at me funny and asked if I was trying to make her feel bad, and I told her she should feel bad.
After we get our piercings, she asks to go to the mall, and I already had stuff to do at the mall, so I said why not. On the way there, Mia tells me how she hooked up with her coworker and starts telling me in graphic detail about it. And there are some friends that I feel comfortable doing that with. She is not one of them. Every time there’s silence in the car, she starts saying things like, “He loved my tits so much, he was sucking them and licking them and nipping them, he couldn’t believe they were real, he kept squishing them and squeezing them.” She described his body down to the last vein, which felt really intrusive, and genuinely just wouldn’t shut up about it. I just ignored it bc whatever. We go to Victoria’s Secret bc after that hookup, Mia felt like she should have more lingerie. For those who don’t know, at Victoria’s Secret, they measure bra size. She and I are the same cup size, but I’m around two band sizes bigger than her. After she got sized, all she would say is “oh my god, I can’t believe my tits are so big, no wonder he liked them so much” and I’m not trying to body shame in anyway, but she has a relatively normal looking chest. They’re not like huge or anything. And I know it seems like she’s not doing anything wrong, I just feel like she wants me to be jealous. I feel like she wants me to be jealous and compete with her, but all it’s doing is really fucking annoying me. Every five seconds, she asks “Do you think I’m pretty? Do you think my tits are nice? Do you think I could get any boy I like?” In a very compliment fishy way. And I don’t mean to sound like a dick, but I do not like being friends with insecure people. It’s just so mentally draining all the time. But also, I feel like it’s not her fault for being insecure, and maybe we just don’t mesh well. I can’t tell really if there’s an actual problem, or if I’m just kinda miffed at how she speaks to me. AITAH? | why are you still hanging out with her after all that girl?
she sounds exhausting.
nta. |
WIBTAH if I reported my locally owned pharmacy for “fraud, waste, and abuse” to my health insurance? | Hello, throwaway account because this contains semi-personal information. I’m torn at what to do and my friends/family support going after the pharmacy. I would like to understand if there’s an angle here I haven’t thought of.
I recently moved apartments within Washington DC and needed to change pharmacies. I’m a type 1 diabetic who picks up multiple prescriptions every month. There’s one singular locally owned pharmacy near me and is the closest in-network to me; this was great news as I wanted to switch from CVS for a long time but hadn’t due to convenience in other parts of the city.
I’ve had a few issues already with the local pharmacy after using it for 1.5 months - one delay in ordering my prescription, the pharmacist generally being a bit aggressive/blunt - but I was not deterred and understand the struggle of a locally owned pharmacy. I was willing to stick it out to support them specifically because they are locally owned.
When I picked up my prescriptions on January 7 - for the first time in 2026 and therefore the first time under my new insurance plan year - the cashier told me there would be new “service fees” attached to some of my prescriptions. I asked what those were. The pharmacist quickly jumps to the front and explains that United Health Care (UHC) insurance is no longer reimbursing to the full cost of my medications, so on top of my copays, I would need to pay a “service fee” to make up the difference; if I did not pay the service fee, this pharmacy would not give me my prescriptions. I told them I would pay just this time because I needed the medications today in order to continue living normally (remember, type 1 diabetic) and would be calling UHC immediately after to investigate. I asked whether such a “service fee” would be tacked on in the future, and I was given a murky response from the pharmacist - “well, maybe, if UHC doesn’t cover more in the future, then probably.” I get these medications every 30 days, so I need to know that.
Cost wise, I ended up paying \~$45 in “service fees” on top of my copay amounts (which are slightly higher in January before I meet my pharmacy deductible). So, I paid \~$185 for my three prescriptions rather than \~$140, which is the total I was expecting.
I call my insurance immediately after leaving and am very forward that I do not like what they are doing to my local pharmacy. I work in the healthcare field and know that UHC is not the “good guy” in pretty much any scenario. UHC is, to my disdain, extremely helpful. They tell me it is against their contract with any in-network pharmacy to charge any kind of “service fee” on top of the copay; these terms are negotiated annually between UHC and pharmacies. It’s the same type of information printed on a person’s insurance card.
UHC calls the pharmacy while I’m on the line (which I could not hear), and the pharmacist allegedly tells them the same story I heard: UHC is not reimbursing enough for these medications, and the pharmacy would lose money if they filled it to me without the service fee. UHC learns additional technical information: the pharmacy was charging me two different service fees, each of which were handwritten on my RX scripts next to my copay amount, and those “service fees” included \~10-20% “profit margin” over the break-even point for the pharmacy. If the pharmacy wanted to “break even” with me, they would’ve charged \~$13 in service fees. I have those specific numeric breakdowns in case folks think that’s what this case hinges on. UHC is very happy because this was all on a recorded line, and the pharmacist is agreeing to charging fees that are against contract with UHC.
It’s in UHC’s best financial interest to squeeze this local pharmacy out of business. They prefer me, the patient, to fill my prescriptions through OptumRx (which UHC owns) or go to a big pharmacy like CVS/Walgreens. UHC is notorious for being “my way or nothing” when doing their annual contract updates. I know that the local pharmacy is struggling, but I’m not the one who signed/agreed to UHC’s terms and I don’t want to pay an extra $45/month in “service fees.” I also know pharmacists have actively been fighting insurers/PBMs in court and in Congress, and PBM reform is on the horizon, but far too late for most local shops. I hate this scenario.
The pharmacy calls me shortly after being on the phone with UHC. She tells me they will no longer serve me - a diabetic who is in their preferred network of plans - if I’m unwilling to pay the service fees. I tell her that it’s ridiculous that UHC is not reimbursing them more, but it’s not the patient’s problem, and that I won’t accept a $45/month surcharge on top of copays at an in-network pharmacy. She and I go back and forth and it’s fairly amicable. She’s set in her ways though: if I go back to the local pharmacy, I will pay the service fees. I’m also essentially shamed by the pharmacist - they’ve lost “$10,000 in the first week of 2026 already” and the pharmacist is “just trying their best to make it.” I immediately transfer all my prescriptions to either OptumRX (mail order) and the 2nd closest in-network pharmacy to me, CVS.
In order to “possibly” get my $45 back, UHC wants me to file a “fraud, waste, and abuse” claim against this locally owned pharmacy. Because of the proof attached to this claim (recorded convo with the pharmacist, handwritten receipt tying the service fees to the prescriptions on top of the copays), it would likely end with UHC terminating their contract completely with the pharmacy. No one with UHC insurance could go there and be considered in-network anymore. The pharmacist actually addressed this with me and told me she “didn’t care” if that happened because UHC isn’t paying her enough anyway.
So…. WIBTAH if I filed this fraud claim with UHC? Or do I eat the $45 cost and accept my fate of having to move to OptumRX/CVS for all future transactions, without any recourse? For what it’s worth, I spent \~6 hours on and off the phone dealing with this issue. I’m torn only because this is a locally owned pharmacy. They’re in the wrong, and are 100% charging these fees to others who may be less aware than I am, but if there’s an angle here I’m not thinking of, let me know. Welcome to the hell of US-based healthcare! | NTA. I would file the claim. |
AITAH I found photos of my girlfriend | I've been dating for about 3 years and I've always taken this relationship very seriously, even thinking about the future and marriage.
Recently, while looking through my girlfriend's phone, I discovered that in 2022 — before we started dating — she was posting photos on her Instagram "close friends" wearing lingerie and showing her breasts. They weren't private photos sent to someone specific, they were stories, even if only to a select group.
Since I found this out, I've been very conflicted. Part of me knows that this was before the relationship and that technically she didn't owe me anything back then. But another part feels extremely uncomfortable, insecure, and even deceived, because this type of exposure goes completely against the values I thought we shared. Today, obviously, she doesn't do that, and she tells me that she feels disgust and repulsed by what she used to do.
I can't stop thinking about whether I'm being immature or if I'm ignoring an important sign about compatibility of values. I'm afraid to move forward, get married, and then carry this discomfort as resentment.
My question is genuine: is this a valid reason to end a 3-year relationship, or am I exaggerating? | People change, learn, and grow. She says she feels disgust and repulsed by what she used to do… I think you should move forward in your relationship based on who she is today and not who she was before you started dating. |
AITAH My 31M Wife 34F made me change swimsuits on vacation. | My wife and I recently went to the San Diego area and stayed at a hotel with 21+ pools. Back home, I swim laps every day, and packed swim briefs hoping to wear them on vacation as well as swim some laps in the larger pools.
On the first day, we went to the pools. I had a swim brief on under shorts. She went into a hot tub, and I followed behind her after taking off my shorts. When she noticed what I was wearing, she said "no way, turn around and put shorts on". I was mortified/embarrassed because there were 6 people in the hot tub, as well as others in lounge chairs next to us. Probably 25-30 people total. Everyone heard/watched. I did a walk of shame back to our stuff to put shorts on and had such a pit in my stomach knowing people were watching.
When packing for the trip, I brought 4 briefs and 1 pair of shorts. For the rest of the trip I kept having to put wet shorts back on because I didn't bring extras.
AITAH? I feel pretty disappointed about it for many reasons. | Why did you listen?
She doesn't get to police your clothing or body shame you.
Next time she does, tell her you'll be picking her swimsuit next time...see how she likes that. |
AITAH for accidently leaving my drunk boyfriend with a friend while I went to the bathroom? | **OR: AITAH for accidently waking up my friend after leaving my drunk boyfriend while i went to the bathroom?**
I want to preface this story by saying that this happened a while ago, but I've been thinking about it recently and wanted to get a public opinion.
At the time, I, 18F and my (now ex) boyfriend, 19M, who I will call Mark (fake name) for the purpose of this story, met at summer camp. We were both employees and became cocounselors of a group together on the first week, forcing us to get to know each other pretty well as we were together 24/7 except for when we were asleep in our cabins.
The way our summer camp works is that the kids come on sunday and leave on friday, giving the counselors half of friday, all of Saturday, and half of sunday off. Of course, we are dumb teenagers, and we decide every weekend that that is the perfect time to get wasted before the next round of kids comes.
We do this pretty much every weekend, so much that is came down to a routine. (Before you flame me for drinking underage, I know this is bad but peer pressure exists and it is VERY normalized where I am) Every friday, we walk to a public park/boat launch and drink/swim/listen to music and have a good time. This particular weekend, Mark decides to drink a lot more than he usually does, and gets very drunk. I, being the unfortunate sober girlfriend, have to walk him back to his bed.
The way our camp is set up is one long road, with one main building first, then the girls housing, and then the boys housing last. I had his arm over my shoulder and my arm around his waist, and I began to walk a very drunk Mark to the boys housing. At this point I was barely tipsy, but I did have to use the bathroom since I was drinking occasionally along with everyone else. I decide in my mind that I will stop by the girls housing, which is before the boys, the use the bathroom quickly before bringing Mark into bed. This was logical to me at the time, since I didn't think anyone was staying in the girl's housing over the weekend, and there was a bathroom on the first floor.
Before going into the bathroom, I open the door to what I thought was an empty bedroom, so I could sit Mark down because I didn't trust him to stand or walk without hurting himself. I opened the door and turned on the light, waking one of my coworkers who I'll call Marie for privacy. Marie is reasonably startled, since I've just turned the light on while she was sleeping, but more confused than upset in the moment. I apologized profusely, and told her that I had to use the bathroom really badly, and I was helping Mark to his bed. After using the bathroom the fastest I ever have in my life, I rushed back into the room. I explained to Marie that Mark was intoxicated and I didnt trust him to get to bed by himself, that I thought the bedroom would be empty since it was the weekend, and that I wasn't thinking. I apologized one more time, and she seemed satisfied with my explanation before I left with Mark to bring him to bed.
The next day, rumors had already spread that I woke up Marie in the middle of the night, left Mark in the room with her, and then left. According to her story, Mark was so drunk that he was banging on the walls and scaring her. First of all, I was gone for maybe 1 minute. Second, the bathroom is directly across the hallway from the bedroom, and both doors were open. If I looked through a crack of the bathroom stall, I would have seen both of them in the other room. Obviously, this means I could hear everything that was happening in the other room as well, and I didnt hear either of them say a word.
After I heard her rumors, I took her aside privately and apologized once again. I explained how I wasn't thinking and how I was caught up in the moment. She gave me a sincere look and told me not to worry about it. She told me she was just confused and that it wasn't even on her mind anymore.
The day after that, Mark told me that he had a meeting with both of our bosses. We were both super confused. We both knew that we were drinking underage, which is illegal, but so was **everyone else** that was a part of staff, including Marie.
Mark came to me afterward in shambles, saying that Marie had told our boss that just me, Mark, and a few other people were drinking underage, being violent around her, and being too publicly "intimate" and it was making **her** uncomfortable. (Keep in mind, **she was also drinking, we were never violent or unkind, and we barely touched each other around others)** She spun the entire thing onto us, told our boss who knows what about me setting my crazy drunk boyfriend loose into her room at night, and got Mark **fired.**
I understand, once again, that what we all decided to do was bad. We were all stupid teenagers, but we've all been there. I do not encourage underage drinking.
Looking at this objectively, I do not think I am the asshole. A few coworkers took my side, while some took Marie's. I still don't know what to think about this but I am curious what others may think. So, am I the asshole for accidently leaving my drunk boyfriend with a friend while I went to the bathrom? | Marie being a drama-stirring liar is the problem. NTA |
AITAH for never wanting to date a man with no support system again. | I,21F, started dating my ex boyfriend,22M, 1.5 years ago. When it started it was nice, he had everything in life, a nice paying job, a car, lots of friends and etc. Fast forward 6 months I decide to move in with him, he got a new place and at the time he had been living alone and i thought it’d be nice since rent is cheap and wouldn’t be a hassle. Until, he gets fired from his job. It was devasting and the start to hardship in our relationship, but he had money in his savings so it wasn’t too bad. He eventually finds a job and everything is falling back into place. And then his car exploded on the highway, his car was a bit of a drive since he has no support system and basically no one since he moved away from his friend and i was his only help but I couldn’t do much for him. I was juggling nursing school and work at the same time so i was pretty booked and busy. This was the start to every problem. He eventually couldn’t afford the ubers to work and i kept telling him to try public transportation or even a bike and he kept refusing, but luckily he found a new job that was closer. He wakes up too late and misses orientation, this leads him to start a week later. At this point i was having big anxiety. He then gets his offer rescinded from the job, it was already the 3rd week into the month meaning rent was coming up soon. This lead me to spiral and go insane, he then began to blame me for the reason he can’t afford rent because I didn’t let him use my car even though I had work AND school. I eventually make efforts to pay rent, just to find out he didn’t pay last months rent, meaning he stole all the money I gave him last month. I eventually break up with him because i felt like he was getting too comfortable putting his shit on me like I’m his mother. And now I swear not to date men with no support system because of how traumatizing this was to me. | You don't owe anyone a relationship with you, so you don't need strangers to validate your criteria for which human you think will add value to your life.
If you were like, "I want only men that look NOTHING like my father, so no small noses," as long as you're not out bullying the small-nosed dudes, you're okay. You're just saying no, no biggie. If you're like, "I am not willing to date someone who's not a millionaire," it would raise eyebrows if you publicized that and you might stay single, but that's your choice. You don't have to tell anyone your criteria. You can just swipe left and say no thank you, ad infinitum, till you pick someone you like or you don't.
In-laws have been, historically, a crucial part of choosing a mate. I know plenty of people who after a bad relationship, were like, "I will not date any man whose mother I'm not 100% sure about." Wanting a strong support network is normal.
A dude making you his entire support network at 6 months in while stealing your money isn't normal. Like that's a very bad dude. Wanting to avoid men like that and especially wanting to avoid scenarios where you're in any way trapped with a fairly new boyfriend is valid.
But if you find someone you really like who doesn't have a system yet, you might decide to wait and see if they build one. Most healthy people will build support systems in a new situation if given time. (Though I might be a little skewed in my perception of this; military spouse life was a series of community-building trust-falls that either led to horror movies or lifelong friendships, and it did skew slightly towards the lifelong friendships.) |
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