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401,663 | 7,743,887 | 555,208 | 8 | Where the liquor , Vicar ? | The Reverend George Ffoulkes and his wife have a dinner engagement with The Bishop , meaning they require a baby sitter to take care of their quadruplets - Matthew , Mark , Luke and John . Unfortunately , the agency sends along Les . No sooner is he alone in the vicarage than he proceeds to help himself to drink , read aloud confidential letters from distressed parishioners , and put on a dog collar . When a neurotic young woman named Sandra Evans turns up on the rebound from a violent boyfriend , she mistakes Les for the real Ffoulkes . . . This was one of two ' Dawsons Weekly ' episodes later remade as part of ' Paul Merton In Galton & Simpson's ' in the late ' 90's . It is pretty good , though unlikely that anyone in their right mind would trust someone as dubious looking as Les to look after their house . Galton and Simpson had written a similar storyline for ' Hancock's Half-Hour ' . The excellent John Bird guests as ' The Vicar ' with Ann Beach as his wife . I do not know if it was intentional , but Bird is very much like the late Jess Yates , presenter of ' Stars On Sunday ' , whose nickname was ' The Bishop ' on account of his sepulchral manner . Sharon Duce , who plays ' Sandra ' , went to star in the fondly remembered ' 80's B . B . C . series ' Big Deal ' . George A . Cooper a . k . a . ' the reporter ' was ' Geoffrey Fisher ' in L . W . T . ' s ' Billy Liar ' . Funniest moment - Les , still pretending to be the vicar , calling upstairs to Sandra . " Get your clothes off and get in the bath ! I'll be up in a minute ! " . Then he realises two old ladies are nearby , listening . |
401,548 | 7,743,887 | 75,537 | 8 | Squeeze me please ! I am hopping to be unrolled ! | Vince Powell came up with the idea for this L . W . T . sitcom after his au pair innocently asked him one day if he had received any ' French letters ' for her . She was of course referring to mail , but to an English comedy scriptwriter the double meaning was unmistakable . ' Mind Your Language ' was set in an adult education centre where foreign students struggle to master the complexities of the English language . They include a sexy French girl , a Spaniard fond of saying ' Por favore ? ' a lot , a Mao-quoting Chinese woman , a hot-blooded Italian , a surly German woman , a fast-talking Greek , a head-waggling Indian lady , and a Chinaman who gets to his feet and takes a bow whenever asked a question . Later additions were a Swedish sex-bomb and a confused Hungarian . Presiding over this microcosm of international relations was well-meaning but naive English teacher Jeremy Brown , played by the late Barry Evans . The show provided a welcome return for the popular actor , who had been off British television screens since ' Doctor At Large ' in 1971 . Also around were Mary Whitehouse lookalike Zara Nutley as the fearsome principal ' Miss Courtney ' , Tommy Godfrey ( ' Arthur ' in Powell's ' Love Thy Neighbour ' ) as ' Sid ' the caretaker , and Iris Sadler as tea lady ' Gladys ' . ' Mind Your Language ' is often cited as an example of ' racist ' ' 70's British comedy . I personally think it is no more offensive than those American movies that depict the British either as plummy-voiced toffs or chirpy Cockney sparrows . The main source of ridicule in this show is the English language itself . Yes , the students were stereotypes , but British comedy has always been full of them - check out ' Fawlty Towers ' for yet more ' funny foreigners ' . Manuel could easily have been one of Jeremy Brown's students . Besides , the English characters were also stereotypes . The students themselves came across as altogether likable . This was never intended to be serious social commentary . My main bugbear is that the characters never developed from one episode to the next ; it would have been nice to have seen say , the students gradually mastering English , coming to understand each other's customs , maybe even getting married ( Danielle and Giovanni would have made a nice couple ) . Michael Grade axed the show despite its popularity , yet in 1986 it returned as an independent production , courtesy of one of its stars - Albert Moses . If he - an Asian actor - did not find the show offensive , why on Earth should anyone else ? Superbly parodied by L . W . T . ' s ' End Of Part One ' as ' Mind Your Foreigners ' . |
400,790 | 7,743,887 | 563,092 | 8 | I'll have a pint of Appleyard ! | Professor Loftus gives Duncan and Mike a severed human arm to dissect . Mike finds the job impossible as the very thought of it makes him queasy ( I cannot say I blame him ) . Later , at the canteen , he is unable to look at the food ( unappetising it looks too ) much less eat it . Duncan takes him to the pub where they each imbibe three pints of strong Appleyard cider . Returning to St . Swithins legless , they interrupt men putting in a radiator , and make off with their tools . They then terrify a female patient who thinks they intend doing a ' Jack The Ripper ' on her . . . Anyone who has over-indulged in the joys of cider will know exactly what Duncan and Mike are going through here ; that awful feeling of the world spinning round and round like a carousel , an ache in the guts , and a total inability to do even the simplest task successfully . Peter Greene , who plays ' Young Doctor ' , would return in later seasons in the more familiar guise of ' The Chaplain ' while Joy Stewart , cast as ' The Physiotherapist ' , is better remembered by fans as ' Sister Fowles ' . Martin Miller a . k . a . ' Professor Pearson ' - whose lecture Duncan and Mike gatecrash - was ' The Watchmaker ' in the ' Its Your Funeral ' episode of ' The Prisoner ' . Funniest Moment - Loftus asking Upton how he would deal with a bleeding patient . Mike stands there , frozen . Loftus counts down backwards , then says : " Time's up ! The man's dead ! " . It was the nearest the series got to the famous ' you , what's the bleeding time ? ' gag . |
401,680 | 7,743,887 | 1,079,613 | 8 | Paris - Cockney style ! | The second episode of the second season of Douglas Livingstone's ' Born & Bred ' . Molly Peglar ( Joan Sims ) is planning a special Parisian night - complete with fashion show - at her East End pub ' The Crown & Sceptre ' . She hopes to impress enough people to give her a boost in her ambitions to chair the local Women's Committee . Ray and Marge Benge ( Gorden Kaye and Kate Williams ) are flattered to be asked to attend , only to then learn that she wants them only as domestic staff - her regular cook Mildred ( Mollie Maureen ) has walked out on her . Furthermore , as they are relatives , she does not intend paying them . Elsewhere , Frank Benge ( James Grout ) is scouring railway stations in an effort to locate his missing son-in-law Paul Redstone . He bumps into an attractive middle-aged lady named Mrs . White ( Hilda Fenemore ) who is engaged on a search of her own , to find her absent husband Freddie and find out why he ran off with the Guide Dog money . Frank likes her so much he suggests they have an affair , but she is not up for it . Said missing husband ( Milton Johns ) is to be found in Molly's pub ( posing as ' Mr . Green ' ) where he is painting the walls to resemble the Paris skyline . Molly becomes so fond of him she offers him the job of barman . On the big night , Mrs . White learns from Tommy Tonsley ( Max Wall ) that her husband is at the pub . Determined to get him back , she goes there . Pam ( Suzie Blake ) is meant to be one of the fashion models , but she hates the clothes she has been given and won't go on . The occasion looks set to be a disaster . . . One of the lovely things about this show was the naturalness of the humour . No out-of-place laugh lines , no big headed cast member trying to upstage the rest , and , best of all , no artificial sounding laugh track . Molly's growing fondness for Freddie is mirrored by Frank's interest in Mrs . White . The railway station scene has a nice ' Brief Encounter ' flavour to it . We are so used to seeing Hilda Fenemore as dowdy head-scarf wearing housewives it comes as a shock to see her , for once , playing a sexually desirable woman . As Frank , James Grout is , as ever , brilliant . Look at his pained expression when he comes home from work only to find newly-washed nappies all over the place . There appears to be little affection between him and his wife ( Gillian Raine ) hence his interest in the poetry spouting Mrs . White is entirely believable . Funniest moment - the hatch to the dumb waiter in Molly's pub opens to reveal not the expected dinners , but an embarrassed looking Ray , who had been attempting to fix the thing . Second funniest moment - Frank explaining to his baffled wife that ' Mr . Green ' is in fact Mr . White . |
401,302 | 7,743,887 | 641,216 | 8 | A Family Affair | McGill goes to Naples where millionaire Ugo ( Maurice Kaufmann ) has a job for him . His younger brother , Silvio ( Paul Bertoya ) , has inherited half a million pounds through a trust fund . All he needs to do to is sign some legal papers , and he is a rich man . Ugo wants Silvio to take the money so that he will stop sponging off him . Mac finds Silvio living amongst beatniks in London , amongst them avant-garde sculptor Tony ( Michael Sarne ) . Silvio does not want the money as he cannot stomach the social responsibility that comes with being wealthy . Sensing a kindred spirit in the young man , Mac does not force the issue . But Ciro ( John Collin ) , one of Ugo's employees , thinks differently . . . Written by Stanley R . Greenberg and Reed de Rouen ( also an actor ) , this stands out in the ' Suitcase ' canon not because of the subject matter but the way it is presented . The jokey scene-setting captions , tinkly piano interludes ( like those heard in silent movie melodramas ) , the mocking of modern youth , suggest that we are not supposed to take it seriously . One wonders if all this was laid out in the script originally , or whether the producer took one look at the rushes and felt the humorous content had to be emphasised , as later ( regrettably ) happened with ' The Avengers ' episode ' The Great Great Britain Crime ' ( which became ' Homicide & Old Lace ' ) . The sad thing is - it was unnecessary . There is quite a serious theme at the heart of this story . Mac realises he has allied himself with the wrong side in an ongoing family dispute , and despite the money on offer is not prepared to force Silvio into adopting a lifestyle he basically does not want . The closing moments show Mac himself affecting a similar getaway when his girlfriend offers him a job with her father's firm . Maurice Kaufmann , who plays ' Ugo ' , was Honor Blackman's husband . Michael Sarne , cast as Tony , had a hit in 1962 with ' Come Outside ' ( which also featured the recently deceased Wendy Richard ) , and later became a movie director . John Bluthal and Bridget Armstrong are also on view ( looking somewhat old to be playing beatniks ) . The director , Charles Frend , also made ' Scott Of The Antarctic ' starring John Mills . In a sly in-joke , a nightclub is named ' Tronsons ' in honour of Robert Tronson , one of the show's most prolific directors . |
401,602 | 7,743,887 | 563,079 | 8 | There is no fire ! | St . Swithin stages a fire drill , but Duncan and Dick refuse to go along with it , preferring to play cards as Bingham urges them to flee the building . To rouse them out of their apathy , Loftus appoints them ' Fire Wardens ' , a decision which infuriates Bingham as he had enjoyed the authority that went with the post . As the next drill begins , Bingham gets so carried away he starts a real fire in a waste paper basket . It spreads , and threatens the hospital . The fire brigade are sent for , but ignore the call as they have responded to numerous false alarms , mostly made by an over-enthusiastic Bingham . In desperation , Duncan and Dick steal the fire engine , and race back to St . Swithins . . . The ' fire drill which turns into a real fire ' idea is most commonly associated with the classic ' The Germans ' episode of ' Fawlty Towers ' , but here is an earlier version , minus the ' Hitler ' jokes . The late Scottish actor Duncan Lamont makes a wonderfully deadpan fire chief in ' McNab ' , reminding one at times of the legendary Rikki Fulton . Funniest moment - stuck in a traffic jam on the way to St . Swithins , Duncan tries to sound the alarm on the fire engine , but accidentally activates the hydraulic ladder ! |
401,123 | 7,743,887 | 563,073 | 8 | One Minister Too Many ! | The Minister of Health is due to arrive at St . Swithins for a varicose vein operation , and wants to be treated like any other patient . Worried that an unfavourable impression of the hospital may jeopardise his chances of a knighthood , Loftus removes Bingham from his ward and places Duncan in charge . By a striking coincidence , a vicar by the name of the Reverend Ian Bridgenorth arrives at the same time for exactly the same operation . The staff mix him up with the Minister of Health , and the vicar finds himself getting the five-star treatment intended for the other man . . . A one-joke episode , though not without its amusing moments . Bingham does seem rather wasted here . His big moment comes when he puts the Rev . Bridgenorth in a wheelchair and pushes him to the research unit , believing him to be the Minister of Health . Joy Stewart shines for once as Sister Fowles , bellowing orders at Nurse Crumpton like an army sergeant-major . The Minister of Health is seen reading ' Diamonds Are Forever ' by Ian Fleming , the film version of which had only gone on release a short time before . ' The Rev . Bridgenorth ' is played by the late Robert James , a talented supporting actor who , amongst other roles , played ' Lesterson ' in the ' Dr . Who ' classic ' The Power Of The Daleks ' and a doctor in the ' Steptoe & Son ' story ' Upstairs , Downstairs , Upstairs , Downstairs ' . Eddie Malin , Hylda Baker's talkative cousin ' Walter ' in ' Nearest & Dearest ' , appears as randy patient ' Mr . Morgan ' . Funniest moment - the confusion about the Ministers ' food . The Rev . Bridgenorth is in bed praying . When he opens his eyes he finds his meal has been switched ( by Sandra ) , and thinks it to be the work of The Lord ! |
400,645 | 7,743,887 | 563,126 | 8 | Koch is a German ! | St . Swithins gets its very own radio service . Loftus unwisely entrusts Waring and Stuart-Clark with the task of making it a success . Dick sees it as a golden opportunity to make a quick buck by incorporating local business ads into his ' History Of St . Swithins ' broadcasts , while Gascoigne writes a melodramatic play about Louis Pasteur . MacKenzie provides sound effects . It sounds like a recipe for disaster - and is . The patients get bored and watch old George Formby films on television . Until Nurse Sheila Reynolds saves the day by trying to chat up Duncan on air . Their saucy banter makes ' Radio St . Swithins ' a massive hit . Loftus requests further instalments . . . Pretty amusing episode , enlivened by David Kelly of ' Robin's Nest ' fame as a patient , and Alison King as the Duncan-fixated Nurse Sheila Reynolds , ( first introduced in ' When A Body Meets A Body ' ) , clearly in the mould of ' Dr . Mary Bingham ' from ' Doctor In Charge ' . Funniest moment - a drunken MacKenzie rambling on air about his marital problems ! |
400,612 | 7,743,887 | 563,133 | 8 | Pretty Polly Is Pregnant ! | Duncan had had a one-night stand with a sexy physiotherapist some months ago whilst returning from Edinburgh . Now she is working at St . Swithins . The trouble is he did not tell her his real name , he called himself ' Dick Stuart-Clark'So now the girl - Eleanor Wilcox - addresses Duncan as ' Dick ' and vice versa , which proves confusing for the staff at St . Swithins . Duncan dare not tell her the truth as Eleanor and Kate are close friends . . . This episode has echoes of ' Honey Lamb ' from the first season of ' Doctor In Charge ' . Here the girl from Duncan's past is none other than Lynda Bellingham , sporting a blonde wig . This was years before she became famous as the mother in the ' Oxo ' adverts . It also reminded me of ' Never Give Your Real Name ' from the second season of ' Man About The House ' . Though billed as guest star , Percy Herbert gets to do surprisingly little , most of the time he leers at Eleanor . There's also a Welshman on the ward who sings all the time . The point of the character escapes me . At the end , Kate reveals that she knows about Duncan's one-night stand and is prepared to forgive him , mainly because she was having one herself at the same time with an Australian physiotherapist . Good for you , girl ! Funniest moment - Duncan and Dick are having a private chat in the canteen when Loftus sits at their table . Duncan asks shyly if he does not mind them moving so that they can continue their conversation . The Professor agrees , so Duncan and Dick move off . A few seconds later , however , Loftus picks up his dinner and follows them ! |
400,609 | 7,743,887 | 563,134 | 8 | Three Medical Men And A Baby ! | Duncan finds a baby on his doorstep along with the morning milk . A note attached identifies it as ' Baby Duncan ' . He and Dick try to pilfer nappies from the maternity ward , but Sister Raeburn catches them and forces them to practice midwifery on a toy baby . Needless to say , they are not good at the job . Then Kate finds out and Duncan is forced to go on a quest to find the baby's real mother . . . We've been here before , haven't we ? A baby winds up in the care of confirmed bachelors , and just as they are getting the hang of its upkeep the mother returns and takes it back . The 1971 movie ' Steptoe & Son ' had a scene like this incorporated into its storyline , and ' Rising Damp ' did a plot along similar lines . David A . Yallop last worked on the show in its ' Doctor At Large ' days . His script for the opening episode of the second season of ' Go ' is amiable in spite of the over familiarity of the material . Sue Nicholls , years away from becoming a regular on ' Coronation Street ' , appears as ' Lynne ' , one of Duncan's ex-girlfriends and a suspect in the search for the mother . ' Sister Raeburn ' is our old friend Pat Nye , well remembered for battle axe roles in ' On The Buses ' ( ' The Visit ' ) and ' Please Sir ' ( ' Out Of The Frying Pan ' ) . One scene has not aged very well , however - an angry black father accusing his wife of adultery after finding a white child in place of his own . The new titles were an improvement on the previous season's ; instead of dull stills , we see X-ray photographs ( a skull , a knee , a hand , a chest , an elbow and a foot ) changing into the cast regulars . Funniest moment - Duncan and Dick admiring the baby when Kate creeps up behind them , and asks : " Whose baby is it ? " . Together , the two men proudly reply : " Ours ! " . |
401,068 | 7,743,887 | 563,128 | 8 | Go and jump on a barbed wire trampoline ! | Its Sunday , and Duncan is on duty at St . Swithins . Tired , hungry and depressed beyond measure ( its also his birthday , and everyone , Kate included , seems to have forgotten ) . Loftus cons him into paying for a ham salad , Dick is too busy chasing a young Australian nurse to notice his friend's's misery , and Gascoigne struggles to encase a man's leg in plaster . In short , a typical day at St . Swithin's . The penultimate episode of ' Go ' is a bit like the classic ' Porridge ' episode ' No Peace For The Wicked ' , in that its lead character desperately wants to grab some peace and quiet but keeps being disturbed . Robin Nedwell does a most effective job of conveying Waring's frustration at not being allowed to relax . Writers Rob Buckman and Chris Beetles had been doctors themselves and so , one presumes , they were able to draw on their own real-life experiences . With hardly a week going by nowadays without some trashy tabloid running scare stories about the N . H . S . being ' on the point of collapse ' , its interesting to look back and see that ' overworked and under-paid doctors ' are hardly a new phenomenon . Dick's attempts to chat up Nerida result in failure . The Australian nurse is going out with someone else , and treats Dick with undisguised contempt . This was the second time that this had happened in ' Go ' , the other occasion was when he powerfully desired ( and which man wouldn't ) Katherine Wright . One suspects that Humphrey Barclay was responding to criticism of the show's perceived ' sexism ' . In a funny sort of way , it paved the way for Stuart-Clark's decision to settle down and become a family man , which is how we saw him in ' Doctor At The Top ' . The lovely and funny Elissa Derwent , who appeared in an episode of L . W . T . ' s ' Billy Liar ' series , is given a surprisingly thankless role here as a student nurse . Funniest moment - Dick trying to chat up Nerida in a room full of used bedpans . His nauseous expression as he tries to woo the girl is hilarious . Thank goodness we still don't have Smellyvision ! |
400,957 | 7,743,887 | 563,108 | 8 | Running Out Of Patients ! | The students ( minus Hooley ) are allowed to examine patients in the Patrick Snooth Ward . And a right lot they are too . One is more concerned about his missing hat than his illness , another is a compulsive liar who makes his ailment sound worse than it is ( it is gout ) , another is concerned about sexual impotence . Upton gets Mr . Drobnic , an elderly Yugoslavian railway driver who speaks absolutely no English . Just as his attempts to communicate with Drobnic appear to be succeeding ( thanks to a pen and a sketch-pad ) at last , the patient takes flight in a motorised wheelchair . . . David Jason makes the first of a number of appearances in the ' Doctor ' series ; others include ' The Voice Of The Toad ' in the ' At Large ' episode ' Congratulations ! Its A Toad ! ' , ' Victor Bligh ' in ' Let's Start At The Beginning ' , and ' Manuel Sanchez ' in the ' At Sea ' instalment ' Go Away Stowaway ! ' . Quite a few ' Dad's Army ' actors appeared in this show - Arthur Lowe , John Le Mesurier , Harold Bennett . Here a moustache-less James Beck ( ' Private Walker ' ) plays ' Mr . Wale ' . It is little more than a cameo , but he does it in his inimitable style . Joy Stewart , who had been a ' Physiotherapist ' in last season's ' Its All Go ' , is seen here for the first time as the fearsome ' Sister Fowles ' ( though she is only credited as ' Sister ' ) . She would remain with the show until ' In Charge ' . Funniest Moment - Upton finds what he thinks he is Drobnic's wheelchair , and pushes it back to the ward . However , when Dr . Merriford ( Donald Bisset ) requests to see the patient , he sees a pregnant woman instead ! |
400,698 | 7,743,887 | 675,770 | 8 | Enter Ffitchett-Brown | Recovered from chicken pox , Mr . Dix is back at Fenn Street School , and once more making everyone's life hell . A new teacher arrives - David Ffitchett-Brown , ex-army officer ( Potter takes a shine to him immediately ) , good-looking , trendy , and , best of all , unafraid of Dix . Noticing Dix continually picking on an obese pupil , David gets the headmaster to sign a note excusing the boy from P . E . Dix is determined that his authority should not be undermined , and heads for the staff room to have it out with the younger man . . . The late Richard Warwick was no stranger to fictional schools , having been one of the anarchic Fifth Formers in Lindsay Anderson's classic ' If ' in 1968 . His character in ' Please Sir ! ' is more like Richard O'Sullivan's ' Robin Tripp ' than John Alderton's ' Hedges ' . Unlike the nervousness displayed by Hedges on his first day , David glides up to the gates in a flash sports car , a pretty blonde at his side . The pupils take to him instantly , as do the teachers , who are glad to see Dix toppled . This is a good debut episode for the character , which makes it all the stranger why he was effectively sidelined from then on . The nadir of this Esmonde and Larbey episode is the scene where ' Elisabeth ' ( Linda Joliff ) spins a ridiculous romantic tale in class , which 4C sees through . The character tries to combine ' Sharon Eversleigh''s easy-going attitude to life with ' Frankie Abbott's ' penchant for exaggeration . Joliff is no Penny Spencer , however , and the studio audience do not sound very amused as she prattles on and on and on . Funniest moment - Potter attempting to do the high jump ! |
400,614 | 7,743,887 | 563,110 | 8 | A Close Encounter At St . Swithins ! | An important medical conference is to take place at St . Swithins , at which Sir Edmund Steele of Highcross will be present . Keen to make his lecture special , Loftus tells Duncan to find a patient with an unusual medical condition . Salvation comes in the portly shape of northerner Mr . Andrews , whose heart is on the wrong side of his body . En route to the conference , Mr . Andrews decides he has had enough of waiting and tries to leave . To make matters worse , Dick has picked up the wrong X-rays , instead of Mr . Andrews , they are of Loftus . The first of Steve Thorn and Paul Wolfson's ' Doctor On The Go ' episodes . These gentlemen don't appear to have written anything else for television , so one wonders if these names were in fact pseudonyms . The late Robert Dorning plays ' Mr . Andrews ' . He seems to have appeared in every comedy series ever made in the ' 60's and ' 70's , including Spike Milligan's ' Q6 ' the classic ' Hancock's Half-Hour ' episode ' The Reunion ' , as well as ' The Club Secretary ' in ' Bootsie & Snudge ' . He specialised in playing pompous old men . Well remembered as Maureen Lipman's mother in ' Agony ' , Maria Charles appears here as dotty ' Mrs . Button ' , who claims a U . F . O . landed on top of her marrows . When she hears about Mr . Andrews ' unusual physiognomy , she automatically assumes him to be an alien from outer space . Funniest moment - carrying a tray of food , Duncan backs out of a crowded lift . The doors snap shut , and the tray crashes to the floor ! |
401,141 | 7,743,887 | 675,774 | 8 | Are you Sir's Penny ? | Mr . Hedges and Penny are thinking about where to live when they get married . Then fate takes an unexpected turn - Smithy keels over in the street , and is rushed to hospital . While he recuperates at home , the old teacher tells Hedges that he and his wife Madge and thinking of selling up and moving away . The possibility of married life in a charming little cottage becomes very real to Hedges . Penny doesn't see it that way , thinking the cottage will turn them both old before their time . Meanwhile , a bruised Dennis has been thrown out of his home by his violent father , and turns up at Hedges ' flat . . . When Erik Chitty died in 1977 , ' The T . V . Times ' ran a one-page tribute to this much-loved character actor , who specialised in playing crotchety old men . Difficult to imagine them doing anything like that now , wouldn't you say ? The highlights of this episode are the ' Billy Liar ' style sequences in which first Bernard and then Penny imagine life in the cottage . Hedges ' vision looks very much like a dry run for John Alderton's later B . B . C . series ' Woodhouse Playhouse ' . |
401,174 | 7,743,887 | 563,119 | 8 | Dick Enjoys The High Life ! | The gang from St . Swithins are at a careers ' exhibition , urging future school-leavers to consider taking up medicine . Here they learn that Mike Sherman , head of the Charlemagne hotel chain , is looking for a resident doctor for his London hotel . The pay is good ( £7 , 000 a year ) , there's free accommodation and food , along with a car . The permanently broke Duncan Waring finds himself competing for the position with MacKenzie . In the end , neither of them gets the job . It goes to Dick Stuart-Clark . . . Gary Waldhorn , better known nowadays as ' David Horton ' from ' The Vicar Of Dibley ' , guests as ' Mike Sherman ' . Dick's departure from St . Swithins is not a permanent one . He finds the accommodation seedy , the car is on its last legs , and , worst of all , he is bored and misses his old friends . Of course it never occurs to him to use some of his £7 , 000 to decorate the place , buy a new car and throw the odd party for his chums . But hey , this is a sitcom we're dealing with here . Funniest moment - the closing credit scene where Duncan goes to give Dick the kiss of life , only for his friend to suddenly snap awake as soon as he realises what is about to happen ! |
400,942 | 7,743,887 | 563,112 | 8 | Doctors - Pick Your Nurses ! | Waring , Stuart-Clark and Mackenzie come up with the idea of a competition to see who is the best nurse at St . Swithins . There's just one problem - they do not have any prize money . Dick makes a deal with Nurse Reynolds ; in return for fixing the contest in her favour , she will hand back the cheque . Unfortunately , Duncan and Andy think he is up to his old tricks and talk her out of it . In desperation , Duncan is forced to resort to a spot of female impersonation . . . Where would British comedy be without the sight of a man in drag , eh ? Here its Robin Nedwell doing the honours , tottering about the place like Frankenstein's monster in make-up . Actually , I wish they had made a bit more out of this situation - it would have been fun to see Waring treated in the cavalier , sexist fashion he normally reserves for women . The only person to get the hots for Duncan in nurse's uniform is the reserved Sir Edmund Steele of Highcross . A fun episode this , the only one of the ' Doctor ' series penned by two women , Gail Renard and Brenda Crankmen . Our old friend Christopher Biggins crops up yet again , this time as ' Nurse Franklin ' . Funniest moment - Duncan , rushing to the scene of a gas leak , lifts his leg over a length of pipe , and in so doing exposes wrinkled stockings to put Nora Batty's to shame ! |
401,173 | 7,743,887 | 563,115 | 8 | Have Faith , Duncan | Duncan plans on settling down with Kate , and demonstrates to Dick how he intends carrying her over the threshold . Unfortunately , he slips a disc , and is in agony . Dick hurts his leg . Despite repeated treatment from specialists , the injury shows no sign of healing . To make matters worse , news of how the injury occurred makes the doctors the laughing stock of St . Swithin's . At his wits ' end , Duncan calls on faith healer Mr . Krakow for help . . . The 1968 film ' Carry On Doctor ' cast Frankie Howerd as a charlatan who boasted of the power of the mind over matter , and its alleged superiority to conventional medicine . This episode has some similarities , except that we don't actually see the faith healer whom Loftus denounces as a ' quack ' . Though back pain is no fun for the sufferer concerned , its hard not to be amused by the spectacle of Robin Nedwell shuffling about like Quasimodo . Dick's leg injury doesn't affect his lifestyle too badly , as he spends most of his time sitting down anyway . Funniest moment - Duncan and Dick going to the faith healer , in the hope of a miraculous cure for their problems , only to witness his coffin carried out through the front door ! |
401,332 | 7,743,887 | 563,038 | 8 | Man Overboard ! | Duncan and Dick settle down to life aboard the M . S . Begonia . They find the crew to be a mixed bunch - Captain Loftus is a virtual replica of his St . Swithins counterpart , the Purser is a snob who grovels after Captain Loftus constantly , the entertainment officer a manic depressive , but there's some consolation in the shape of sexy nurse Joyce Wynton . Loftus intends throwing a cocktail party for the rich guests , including the loudmouthed American Mrs . Tranmere , and wants his crew to be on their best behaviour . Unfortunately , Duncan's present behaviour is far from his best - he is suffering from seasickness . . . Following the previous transitory episode , this Bernard McKenna and Richard Laing one gets the new format fully established . Vomiting is a regular occurrence in modern comedies , but it was rare in ' 70's shows . We're spared the sight of Duncan throwing up on camera - this was a family show - but thanks to good acting on his part Nedwell manages to convince the audience that he is ill . Funniest moment - Dick attempting to get Duncan ready by walking him round the deck . Pausing for breath , Dick watches Duncan stagger off . A second or two later , we hear a splash . A sodden Duncan reaches the party , leaving puddles in his wake . |
401,434 | 7,743,887 | 563,026 | 8 | Viva Upton ! | Upton , Collier and Bingham must undergo a verbal exam to qualify for a Primary Fellowship - also known as ' the viva ' . Collier blows it before he even makes to the examination room ; he spills a drink over Professor Sinnott ( the examiner ) and is rude to the man when he refuses his offer of a refill . Bingham , predictably , sails through the whole thing , but what of Upton ? Returning from a fishing holiday , Mike gives a lift to a pretty hitch-hiker , but then his car won't start . With time running out , he must get back to St . Swithins at all costs . . . Sound familiar ? This episode basically rehashes the plot of the final episode of ' Doctor In The House ' , though with a slight variation - Loftus decides to conduct the examination over the telephone . Unfortunately , Mike is in a country pub , and the noise is so great he can barely hear the questions . One of the drinkers - seen playing a slot machine - is Stuart Sherwin , a regular on the B . B . C . children's show ' Crackerjack ! ' in the early ' 70's . Arthur ' Are You Being Served ? ' Borough is seen fleetingly during Upton's fishing trip . Funniest moment - Bingham's outrage over Loftus ' decision to test Upton over a phone line . He regards it as unfair to other candidates . Tired of his constant whining , Collier hits him , knocking him out of his chair . Bearing in mind that part of the exam involves the identification of organ specimens , Bingham does seem to have a point . |
400,945 | 7,743,887 | 563,018 | 8 | Well ! Well ! Well ! | Upton bumps into an old friend from his first year as student - Huw Evans . But gone is the boisterous , boozing rabble-rouser of old . The new look Huw is bearded , dressed scruffily , and preoccupied by some weighty problem . It turns out he is married to a former St . Swithins typist named Pippa ( ' she of the big . . . ' ) who is now heavily pregnant . Huw is involved in a road accident , and gets admitted as a patient . As Loftus , Upton and Collier attempt to put him back together , they endeavour to conceal from Loftus that Pippa is in the operating theatre , dressed as a nurse . . . Easily the least successful aspect of the first season of ' Doctor In The House ' was Martin Shaw's performance as ' Huw Evans ' . He just did not seem to work as well as the others . I do not know whether it is down to John Cleese's script , or whether Shaw had grown in stature as an actor since 1969 , but I was surprised to find myself warming to Huw here . As mentioned earlier , he had developed as a character , whereas his friends remained the same . Its not unknown for men to ' empathize ' with their wives as they go into labour , and this is the case with Huw . Huw knows who Bingham is , even though they never met in ' House ' . Don't laugh , but Christopher Biggins is one of the expectant fathers pacing nervously outside the maternity ward . Funniest moment - Upton's surreal encounter with Mr . Manderson , who claims to be able to cough up nuts and bolts ! |
401,149 | 7,743,887 | 125,687 | 8 | Before Bean There was Box | Every now and then something comes along which hits you in the face like a wet flannel . I caught ' Canned Laughter ' on its original I . T . V . transmission in 1979 , following a showing of ' Conquest Of The Planet Of The Apes ' . Not having heard of Mr . Atkinson , I wasn't sure what to expect . Thirty minutes later , my sides ached from laughing too much . I spent the next few days telling all and sundry about this strange rubber-faced man whom was clearly destined to be the next Peter Sellers . Atkinson played three roles ; the nerdy Robert Box , his sinister boss Mr . Marshall , and would-be stand-up comic Dave Perry . Box has somehow gotten the most attractive girl in his office , Lorraine ( played by the lovely Sue Holderness ) to agree to a date , and , being a right twit , messes it up . Box was clearly the inspiration for ' Mr . Bean ' . Despite its excellence , ' Canned Laughter ' strangely never became a series , leaving Rowan free to do ' Not The 9 O'Clock News ' for the B . B . C . |
400,946 | 7,743,887 | 563,022 | 8 | He was so piddled he went to the wrong hospital ! | Upton is back at St . Swithins , and by an eerie coincidence , so is Professor Loftus , now Professor of Surgery and member of the Board of Govenors . This news is a blow to the fortunes of Dick Stuart-Clark , who had been running the hospital bar quite profitably . He had even managed to hide illegal alcohol in a bedpan cupboard , made to look like a storeroom for radioactive isotopes . Loftus discovers Upton hiding in said cupboard , but before he can take serious action , falls gravely ill . He requires an operation to unblock an artery . The team of surgeons includes Upton , Bingham , and an inebriated Dean . . . Its hard to believe that this is the first appearance of ' Loftus ' this season , despite it being the twentieth episode . Ernest Clark once again delivers an impressive performance , his deadpan face providing a marvellous counterpoint to the madness around him . He would become a permanent fixture in the L . W . T . ' Doctor ' series after this . With Upton's wanderlust apparently sated , it was back to St . Swithins , and how good to see the place in all its glory again . The seeds of ' Doctor In Charge ' were sown here . Spot The Mistake - Geoffrey Davies flubs a line , saying ' illugal ' instead of illegal , much to Barry Evans ' amusement . Funniest moment - a drunken Dean attempting to gatecrash Loftus ' operation . |
401,500 | 7,743,887 | 563,015 | 8 | Oi ! Oi ! Oi ! | Upton's newest patient is Victor Bligh , an elderly man with strange behavioural problems such as twitching uncontrollably , muttering gibberish , and blowing raspberries . Mike recommends him to a psychiatrist . Dick , now working at a psychiatric clinic , introduces Mike to Lionel Morris , who turns violent whenever anybody says the word ' nose ' . But Mike's encounter with Morris is nowhere near as bizarre as the one he has with eminent psychiatrist Sir Robert Joyce . Joyce thinks Upton is stark staring mad , no matter how much the young doctor protests to the contrary . . . Mental illness may not strike one as being a suitable subject for comedy , but this has not stopped people attempting to mine the vein for laughs over the years . Twenty-nine years before Jim Carrey's ' Me , Myself & Irene ' caused a furore over its comic depiction of a schizophrenic , this episode explored similar territory . When you have David Jason as the patient , however , you know that the caricature is never going to be particularly offensive . He had appeared in ' In The House ' as ' Mr . Drobnic ' in ' What Seems To Be The Trouble ? ' . This was his second contribution to ' At Large ' , the first being ' Congratulations ! - Its A Toad ! " . With his thinning patch of white hair , moustache and dirty raincoat , Bligh resembles Jason's ' Captain Fantastic ' character from ' Do Not Adjust Your Set ' . Freddie Jones is ' Sir Robert Joyce ' . a wild-eyed , bow-tied psychiatrist considerably madder than his own patients . His office is a masterpiece of design ; behind his desk is a disturbing mural of a foetus in a womb , the flowerpots contain microphones , and visitors are dazzled by flashing psychedelic lights . You half expect Steed and Mrs . Peel to appear . Hats off to Brian Bagge and Rodney Cammish . The scene where Upton and Joyce talk at cross purposes drags a bit , and makes the episode somewhat hard-going . Jason's reappearance towards the end thankfully gets it back on track . Graham Chapman later poked fun at psychiatry in the ' In Charge ' episode ' Hello Sailor ! " . Funniest moment - Mike's first meeting with Bligh . |
400,906 | 7,743,887 | 563,012 | 8 | Call me Bunty ! | Upton visits a local girls ' school - nicknamed ' the stacks ' by Dr . Maxwell - much to Sue's horror . The pupils are precocious young women with crushes on the good-looking doctor . Soon they are chasing him on bikes , undressing in a provocative manner in his clinic , sending him sexy messages , and turning up at the surgery in droves . Paul decides to exploit the situation so he can have Sue - by replying to the letters . An angry father turns up , demanding to know what Upton's intentions are towards his daughter . . . ' Doctor Dish ' sounds like one of those terrible low-budget British sex comedies of that time ( ironically , Evans himself was in one , called ' Under The Doctor ' ) . The schoolgirls are depicted as sex-crazed monsters , one step up from the ' St . Trinians ' versions . We're used to seeing nubile young women on television now , but in 1971 it raised a few eyebrows . The late Barbara Mitchell was best known as Frankie Abbott's hypochondriac mother in ' Please , Sir ! ' and ' The Fenn Street Gang ' . Funniest moment - Upton trying to walk down a corridor lined with girls . |
401,125 | 7,743,887 | 563,065 | 8 | Only tell me when I'm wrong ! | The job of junior houseman at St . Swithins is once more up for grabs . Professor Loftus decides to give it to his former student Duncan Waring . The previous incumbent , Mike Upton , joined the Merchant Navy to escape the attentions of Nurse Willett , to whom he drunkenly proposed one night . Back in Britain following a year-long course in America , Duncan is looking forward to seeing his old friends again . But they have decided to play a cruel trick on him . When he arrives , everyone pretends not to remember him . Even his old girlfriend Sandra Crumpton is in on the joke . . . Exhausted by the punishing filming schedule ( 29 episodes in one year ) Barry Evans made his final appearance as ' Dr . Mike Upton ' in a short ' Doctor At Large ' sketch shown as part of ' Mike & Bernie's All-Star Christmas Comedy Carnival ' on / 71 . Sadly , it no longer exists . The series should logically have ended with his departure . With recasting ruled out , the obvious solution was to replace ' Upton ' with a new character . Taking note of the fate of ' Please Sir ! ' the year before ( it sank with all hands on deck following the loss of John Alderton ) , the producers decided to bring back ' Duncan Waring ' from ' In The House ' . Robin Nedwell was a different kind of actor to Barry Evans . He was more extroverted , wore outrageous bow ties , and was particularly adept at physical comedy . You could not imagine Upton panicking on a railway crossing ( ' Honeymoon Special ' ) , mountaineering up the side of a building ( the ' Doctor On The Go ' episode ' Keep Your Nose Clean ! ' ) , or doing a frog impression to get out of the Royal Navy ( ' Hello Sailor ! ' ) . According to Roger Wilmut in his book ' From Fringe To Flying Circus ' , John Cleese found the ' Upton ' character difficult to write for . Whenever he wrote funny lines for him , the scripts would be returned with the comment ' Barry wouldn't say lines like that ' , hence Cleese had to create situations in which other people did or said amusing things , while Upton stood in the middle , smiling amiably . I think this is a bit harsh , but Cleese's view has to be respected . No disrespect to Evans ' memory , but in my view the ' Doctor ' series hit its stride with ' In Charge ' . The early episodes featured Mollie Sugden as Duncan's overprotective mother and Sammie Winmill as his sexy girlfriend Sandra . These characters would later be phased out . Written by Graham Chapman and Bernard McKenna , ' The Devil You Know ' is hardly a great example of the show , but serves its purpose in bringing Duncan back aboard , and establishing that Upton is no longer around . There is something of a ' Twilight Zone ' air , as Duncan is made to feel as though he never ever existed at St . Swithins . Funniest moment - relieved to find that Loftus remembers him , Duncan greets him like a long-lost brother - much to the stuffy Professor's embarrassment . |
400,812 | 7,743,887 | 563,067 | 8 | The old bag has resigned ! | A new Matron takes over at St . Swithins - the fearsome Miss Fox . Even Loftus is afraid of her . Knowing of her puritanism , Dick and Paul attempt to scare her away by sending her forged love notes purporting to be written by Bingham . Lawrence , meanwhile , is stung by Duncan's comments about his ability to chat up girls , and decides to prove him wrong by asking Sandra out to Matron's party . She accepts . When Duncan hears about this , he is stunned . On finding her in a compromising situation with his arch-enemy , however , Bingham cancels their date . One of the patients - farmer Mr . Prothero - has been bringing vegetables onto the ward to make him feel more at home . He even has a massive lump of manure deposited under his bed . . . A plot strand in the 1966 film ' Doctor In Clover ' concerned the attempts of Dr . Grimsdyke ( Leslie Phillips ) to rid St . Swithins of a dragon-like matron called Joanna Sweet , played by Joan Sims . This Chapman / McKenna penned episode is a carbon-copy of that situation , even down to the forged love letters . It was also the last episode to feature Sammie Winmill as ' Nurse Sandra Crumpton ' . Presumably the producers did not want Duncan tied down in a long-term relationship so early on in the series . The actress would next be seen on television in the first season of the children's sci-fi show ' The Tomorrow People ' in which she played Carol . William Moore , a . k . a . ' Mr . Prothero ' , went on to play Ronnie Corbett's father ( " Language , Timothy ! " ) in the 1980's BBC sitcom ' Sorry ! " . Funniest moment - Bingham's feeble attempts to ask Sandra out ! |
401,010 | 7,743,887 | 63,941 | 8 | I Was A Desert Rat , You Know ! | The 1967 movie ' To Sir With Love ' starred Sidney Poitier as an American teacher attempting to educate unruly children in a rough East End London school . It may be coincidental , but the following year ' Please Sir ! ' was launched on I . T . V . John Esmonde and Bob Larbey originally took the idea to the B . B . C . , but on seeing that the character of ' Dennis Dunstable ' was educationally subnormal , they turned it down . The writers then approached the fledgling station ' London Weekend Television ' . Head of comedy Frank Muir also expressed reservations , but trusted the writers when they claimed Dennis would not be used as a figure of fun . Indeed he was not . Anyone trying to belittle Dennis would have to contend with the class ' No . 1 hard man - ' Eric Duffy ' . John Alderton was cast as the idealistic schoolteacher ' Bernard Hedges ' ( known as ' Privet ' by his class ) . Long before ' Basil Fawlty ' , Hedges had " Right ! " as a catchphrase . The actor's best known television role up to that point was ' Dr . Richard Boone ' in the A . T . V . soap ' Emergency Ward 10 ' . Deryck Guyler was originally supposed to play ' Mr . Cromwell ' the dithering headmaster , but on finding it hard to cast the role of ' Potter ' the caretaker , producer Mark Stuart suggested that Guyler be given the role . It worked out for the best ; the pompous , war-obsessed ' Potter ' , forever grovelling in Cromwell's presence , proved to be one of the show's most popular characters . One criticism was that the actors playing the pupils looked too old . Its a fair point - Peter Cleall , a . k . a . ' Duffy ' was five years younger than Alderton ! One should remember that there were strict Equity rules regarding the use of child actors at that time and besides , you could say the same about the cast of the film ' Grease ' ! The first episode opened with Hedges ' first day at Fenn St . School . He finds the teachers incompetent and the children , particularly Class 5C , out of control . It sounds like the premise of a hard-hitting social drama , but Esmonde and Larbey were able to mine a rich vein of comedy . As well as Dunstable and Duffy , the pupils included flash Peter Craven , sexy Sharon Eversleigh , overwrought Maureen Bullock , and ( my favourite ) Frankie Abbott , a would-be hard case who turns into a mummy's boy when threatened ( the inspiration for ' Ralph Tanner ' in Esmonde and Larbey's later sitcom ' The Other One ' , possibly ? ) . ' Mr . Cromwell ' presided over a crack teaching force consisting of cynical Welshman ' Mr . Price ' , frosty ' Miss Ewell ' ( she and the headmaster had a thing going in the first two series ) , and the long overdue for retirement ' Mr . Smith ' . Hedges commanded respect from 5C , and he in turn often got them out of trouble . In a funny sort of way , he became a father figure . This was most apparent in the episode ' Situations Vacant ' , when he stood up to Dennis ' drunken , violent father ( the excellent Peter Bayliss ) . ' Please Sir ' proved a big hit for I . T . V . , ( unsurprisingly , its biggest fans were children ) alongside other L . W . T . shows such as ' On The Buses ' and ' Doctor In The House ' . The first series boasted forty minute long episodes , in common with other L . W . T . sitcoms of the time , but subsequent seasons adopted the standard twenty-five minute length . In 1971 , the inevitable feature film spin-off appeared - one of the better ones , it has to be said . After three seasons , Hedges married the lovely Penny and resigned from Fenn St . School . In his place came ' David Ffitchett-Brown ' played by the late Richard Warwick , an altogether trendier ( and less likable ) character . The pupils changed too , for the worse . The dimwitted ' Godber ' ( Charles Bolton ) made ' Abbott ' seem like Professor Stephen Hawking . The ratings went down and the show was cancelled . However , the old Fenn Street gang made a welcome reappearance in one of the last episodes ( ' Old Fennians Day ' ) . Eventually , they got their own show , which ran to three seasons . ' Please Sir ' was very much of its time , when school milk was free , pupils could not rely on parents to drive them to and from school , and the cane frequently used to punish bad behaviour . It should be seen not as a social document , however , but a comedy show and a good one at that . |
400,903 | 7,743,887 | 563,070 | 8 | Arrivederci Roma ! | Loftus wants Duncan to accompany him to a surgical conference in Rome , and entrusts him with an important document , the only one of its kind . A jealous Paul steals the paper , hiding it in a men's magazine . Duncan panics , and begins searching the hospital . Dick takes the magazine to his room , not realising it contains the paper . Loftus is so grateful to have it back he tells Dick he can go in Duncan's place . . . Remember that ' Blackadder The Third ' episode in which Robbie Coltrane played Dr . Samuel Johnson ? Well , this is an earlier version of the same idea , and even has a scene where the paper is accidentally thrown out . Shirley Stelfox , the original ' Rose ' in ' Keeping Up Appearances ' , plays Loftus ' secretary . Funniest moment - Paul doing a stand-up comedy routine in an operating theatre , resulting in Duncan telling him to leave : " There goes Dr . Doolittle ! " . |
401,294 | 7,743,887 | 63,944 | 8 | What Are We Going To Do Now ? | The line between genius and madness is a fine one , and no individual epitomised these extremes more effectively than Spike Milligan . The ' Monty Python ' team freely admit drawing inspiration from his shows . I never saw ' Q5 ' alas , but the later series - beginning with ' Q6 ' - were a mixture of the brilliant and banal . Like the Pythons , if Milligan tired of a sketch he'd cut it short . False noses and boot polished faces cropped up a lot . Then there was the well-endowed Julia Breck , whom Spike delighted in undressing on air . Spike himself never seemed to be able to get through a sketch without giggling . Amongst the highlights were a spoof ' The World About Us ' about the ' Cock-a-knees ' ( Cockneys ) , the ' Good Samaritan ' read from a pulpit by a police officer , the infamous Pakistani Dalek sketch , ' The First Irishman In Space ' , ' The Smallest Police Station In The World ' and Adolf Hitler doing a George Formby impression . You had to love Spike to love the show - and I did . |
401,676 | 7,743,887 | 68,981 | 8 | Does he have to do that every time I eat ? | Two months after ' On The Buses ' notched up its sixth successful season on television , the gang were back , this time in the second of their big screen offerings . With the first being the most popular film release of 1971 ( had ' Diamonds Are Forever ' opened earlier , I suspect this might not have been the case ) , there just had to be one . Director Harry Booth returned to oversee the proceedings , once again scripted and produced by the Two Ronalds - Wolfe and Chesney . The title ' Mutiny On The Buses ' was chosen by the winner of a competition in ' The News Of The World ' . Pity the writers were not aware of it when they started work on the script . The idea of Blakey as ' Captain Bligh ' and Stan Butler as ' Fletcher Christian ' is most appealing . The plot ( such as it is ) revolves around Stan's accidental engagement to clippie Suzy . Stan cannot afford a place of his own , and Suzy is not keen on moving into the Butler household ( can you blame her ? ) , so the wedding is deferred . When Arthur loses his job , Stan gets him into the bus depot as a driver . As the slapstick comedy went over well in the first film , ' Mutiny ' offered more of the same - hence Blakey breaks a light fitting as he plays darts ( he is distracted by a sexy clippie ) , the depot catches fire , Olive races around on Arthur's motorcycle , a sewer worker is hit by a dartboard which falls off Stan's bus , Arthur reverses into a stop , the depot is engulfed by fire-extinguisher foam , and there's the hilarious finale in which a lion menaces Blakey and Stan drives through Windsor Safari Park with an excited chimpanzee on the wheel . One of the more unfortunate aspects of the ' Buses ' movies was the broadening of the humour , here we are treated to topless clippies exposing themselves to Blakey , Little Arthur taking a dump in his father's cap , and Big Arthur stepping in his son's wee-filled potty . ' On The Buses ' on television was a family show , but the movies were targeted at the young and dirty-minded . I saw ' Carry On Matron ' in 1972 and the house was full of sniggering teenagers , the sort who went to see ' Mutiny On The Buses ' and later , the ' Confessions ' movies . ' Mutiny ' also offers one of the first examples of ' product placement ' in a movie - Stan's bus is festooned with ads for Pontins holiday camp and the Ladbrookes betting shop chain . The next film ' Holiday On The Buses ' would mainly be set in one of Sir Fred's establishments . Brassy blonde Pat Ashton , who played ' Sally ' in the first film , returns as a different character - ' Nymphie Norah ' . She also appeared in two episodes of the series - as ' Doreen ' . ' Suzy ' was played by Janet Mahoney , also to be found in ' Carry On Loving ' and as ' Dawn Dailey ' the dancer in ' Doctor In Trouble ' . Released in the summer of 1972 , ' Mutiny ' was another big hit , though not on the same scale as its predecessor . Personally , I think its a better film , though ' Holiday On The Buses ' was the best of the trio . Ron Grainer's musical score boasted a catchy accordion and saxophone title theme - a big improvement over the dreadful ' Its A Great Life On The Buses ' by QuinceHarmon . Where do the three movies fit into the chronology of the show ? They don't . Arthur and Olive were childless on television , the buses were green instead of red , and the name of the company was ' Luxton & District ' not ' Town & District ' . So some time after the ' Gardening Time ' episode , we must assume that Stan returned home from the Midlands , Arthur remarried Olive , and the Luxton bus company underwent a makeover . Blakey was to eventually retire ( but that's another story ) . |
401,598 | 7,743,887 | 563,058 | 8 | Call Me Madge ! | There is a place for a junior doctor on the Board Of Governors at St . Swithins . Duncan wants the position so he can push for the building of a new research unit , but Bingham feels it should be his because he ( in his view ) is the best doctor in the hospital . Because the Board are a bunch of senile old fogeys , Dick tries to impress the Chairman by telling him Duncan's mother is a Countess . Unfortunately , Duncan's mother is currently at the hospital , being treated for a minor injury . She's a policeman's wife , a nice woman , but no Countess . Desperate to keep the Chairman and Mrs . Waring apart , Dick resorts to female impersonation . . . Just as Leslie Phillips put on drag for a scene in the film ' Doctor In Trouble ' , so then Geoffrey Davies follows suit here . Wearing blue eyeshadow , a blonde wig and in women's clothing , he bears an uncomfortable resemblance to the flamboyant Australian comic Bob Downe . He is able to use his knowledge of the Chairman's ' friendship ' with Lady Molly Cornford to his advantage . Surprisingly , the deception isn't exposed at the end , leaving Duncan to get onto the Board with ease . Meadows White plays ' Mr . Reeves ' , a role normally occupied by Harold Bennett . Presumably Bennett was unavailable . Funniest moment - our first sighting of Dick in drag ! |
401,589 | 7,743,887 | 563,061 | 8 | Did you bring a rubber plant ? | Disgusted by the poor quality food at St Swithins , Duncan and Paul both go on a macrobiotic diet , which entails them eating seaweed , millet and stuff normally found at the bottom of bird cages . Loftus invites them to dinner . They experience an evening of hell as they eat their own food whilst Loftus and his guests tuck in to succulent roast beef and crispy roast potatoes . Loftus refuses to believe the food in the hospital canteen is substandard - so he volunteers to try it himself . . . The then-trendy science of macrobiotic cooking is given a kicking here . As with the ' Mr . Moon ' episode of ' Large ' , the characters want to be healthy but learn the hard way that the lure of rich food is simply too great . Funniest moment - Duncan ordering a rump steak in the ' new , look ' canteen - and then having a fit when he is told the price . |
401,374 | 7,743,887 | 635,128 | 9 | A Tale From The Crypt ! | Logan , Jessica and Rem discover six people held in suspended animation in an underground vault . They are there because each possesses the knowledge and abilities to rebuild a post-atomic holocaust world . Unfortunately , they have a terrible disease that can only be cured by vaccine from two phials . En route to the vault , Logan and his friends experience an earthquake and one of the phials is accidentally smashed , leaving enough vaccine for only three people . But which three ? One of the revived six thinks it should be him / her - and begins killing the others . . . Interesting sci-fi variant on Agatha Christie's ' And Then There Were None ' ( alright , that wasn't the name of the book , but I'm not brave enough to write it ) , based on a story by Harlan Ellison , though the script is credited to Al Hayes . Rem turns detective , and the only thing he lacks is a deerstalker and meerschaum pipe . Logan seems rather sidelined for the most of the episode , he doesn't even get to carry Jessica when she is wounded . One of the great things about viewing this series in the 21st century is being able to freeze the picture whenever Jessica's underwear comes into view , a pleasure denied to 1977 viewers . Anyway , frippery aside , its a good little episode , though no ' The City On The Edge Of Forever ' or ' Demon With A Glass Hand ' . The late Christopher Stone does a nice line in red herrings . |
400,892 | 7,743,887 | 149,542 | 9 | Let's do it ! | In the midst of the alternative comedy revolution of the ' 80's , along came Victoria Wood with this B . B . C . - 2 series . I have to admit to not being the world's biggest fan of Ms . Wood . I well remember her early television work such as ' That's Life ! ' in which she ( badly ) performed over-twee songs about acne and unrequited teenage love . My view of her changed , however , when she wrote and appeared in a television play with Julie Walters called ' Talent ' . I did not care for the songs but there were good one-liners . Next up was a short-lived sketch show for Granada called ' Wood & Walters ' . Though it boasted some witty items it was hampered by a patently obvious laugh track . ' As Seen On T . V . ' opened with a cringe-inducing title sequence featuring a ' Camberwick Green'-style version of Wood , whose arm falls off in the middle of her stand-up routine , backed up by a theme tune that sounded like the jingle to a ' 50's commercial for cocoa , and comic sound effects . It took a superhuman effort on my part not to switch off . I am glad I did not because then I would have missed what I regard as the best soap opera parody of them all - ' Acorn Antiques ' . Obviously based on A . T . V . ' s long running ' Crossroads ' , it skillfully ridiculed all the clichés - the wobbly sets , bad dialogue , actors not knowing their lines properly , cameras coming into shot etc . Even the closing credits in which the actors ' names could be seen sliding diagonally into view was mercilessly sent up . So effective was ' Acorn Antiques ' that the real ' Crossroads ' tried to change its image radically by introducing a new title sequence in which a car was seen driving up to the motel entrance . Wood spoofed that too ! I do not know whether ' Acorn Antiques ' was instrumental in bringing ' Crossroads ' down ( it ended three years after this series debuted ) but its hard to believe it played no part in hastening its demise . Other good sketches included some spoof documentaries ( one in which Wood played a naive young woman who wanted to swim the Channel turned out not only to be funny but also moving ) , and a sharp parody of daytime television . Wood's supporting cast included Duncan Preston , Celia Imrie , Patricia Routledge ( whose ' Kitty ' was the prototype for ' Hyacinth Bucket ' ) , Susie Blake as a snooty continuity announcer ( how I miss continuity announcers on I . T . V . ! ) , and of course the priceless Julie Walters . Jim Broadbent and the late Hugh Lloyd made occasional appearances . Some of the sketches fell flat but there were enough good ones to make this worthwhile . Amongst the hits was a hilarious ' Coronation Street ' spoof with Wood as the legendary ' Ena Sharples ' . When ' As Seen On T . V . ' debuted on B . B . C . - 2 , it looked doomed initially . Its main competitor on I . T . V . was an inexplicably popular crime show called ' Dempsey & Makepeace ' . Wood's show was trounced in the ratings for the first few weeks , but then an amazing thing happened . As word got out about ' A . S . O . T . ' , so ' Woopsey & Dingbat ' ( as T . V . critic Nina Myskow referred to it ) began to lose viewers . I . T . V . panicked , and it was later moved to a safe Saturday night slot . In an era where more and more comedians were resorting to swear words and body function jokes to get laughs , ' A . S . O . T . ' stood out like a sore thumb . It was funny without being offensive . Not to everyone's taste perhaps , but an enjoyable series all the same . |
401,661 | 7,743,887 | 530,746 | 9 | Bath Crystals Are Forever | Howard is short of money ( as usual ) and has taken to stealing from the Mountjoy's phone fund . Mary cannot complain as she has been doing the same thing ( without Trevor's knowledge ) . At the bank , Howard encounters a new manager - the hard-faced Mr . Scrimshaw . As Howard is £600 in the red , Scrimshaw wishes to cancel his bank card . The bounder falls back on one of his old ploys - a fake treasure map , purporting to show the location of an African diamond mine . Scrimshaw is completely taken in . With Laura away , Howard is free to use her house to embellish his con . Unfortunately , a pair of window cleaners inadvertently become part of it . . . Very good episode , with Garfield Morgan ( ' Haskins ' from ' The Sweeney ' ) as the gullible bank manager Scrimshaw . Sam Kelly ( ' Warren ' from ' Porridge ' ) plays ' Alf ' , while his mate is the late Larry Martyn , a . k . a . ' Mr . Mash ' from the first series of ' Are You Being Served ? ' . Funniest moment - the pregnant pause caused by Mary when she casually tosses the ' map ' pieces into the fire . |
401,406 | 7,743,887 | 453,440 | 9 | And Its Still Goodnight From Him ! | When ' The Two Ronnies Sketchbook ' was originally announced , you could almost hear the gasps of amazement from the media . In this age of ' Little Britain ' and ' League Of Gentlemen ' , went the cry , why would anyone by interested in two old men doing corny jokes from behind desks ? But the show astonished television executives by pulling in eight million viewers a week , a far better rating than those achieved by many modern shows . The reason was simple - Corbett and Barker were back , and doing what they were best at - interacting with one another . The sketches were shown intact ( although ' The Phantom Raspberry Blower Of Old London Town ' had a couple of instalments removed ) , and good many of them still were . Predictably , a couple of my favourites weren't included , such as ' The Bogle Of Bog Fell ' , ' The Sky At Night ' and ' Star Trek ' , but that was to be expected . They saved the best until last - ' Four Candles ' - and Ronnie Barker told us how unhappy he was with the pay-off , and went on to suggest an alternative . He was in poor health at the time of recording , but he and Corbett were still able to generate a good few laughs after all these years . Had he lived a bit longer , its more than likely we would have gotten another run of ' Sketchbook ' . On 25th December 2005 , a Christmas edition was transmitted posthumously - Barker having died two months before - and it was heartbreaking to see him wish viewers a Merry Christmas , knowing he was not around to enjoy it himself . |
401,282 | 7,743,887 | 1,321,969 | 9 | The Two Davids | The Tardis lands in Victorian London . It is Christmas . Hearing someone call his name , the Doctor rushes off , to find a young woman cowering in terror from something behind a locked door . A man in Dickensian clothes appears , announces himself as the Doctor , and takes charge of the situation . . . . Another Christmas , another ' Dr . Who ' Christmas Special . I'll start this review by stating what I did not like about this one . Firstly , the Cybershades were absolutely awful , reminiscent of the sticky tape and cardboard monsters of the classic series . It was impossible to be unnerved by creatures that looked exactly like what they were - blokes in gorilla suits wearing coal scuttles . Worse , there was no need for them to be there . Cybermats should have been used instead . Secondly , the mystery of the ' next Doctor ' was unnecessarily protracted . All the Doctor had to do was to whip out a stethoscope and listen to Lake's heart ( apparently such a scene was filmed but deleted from the finished broadcast ) to see if he was a Time Lord . Now we know David Morrissey will not be the eleventh Doctor - thank heavens for that . Colin Baker was wrong when he said the role of the Doctor was ' actor proof ' . Morrissey would have been an absolute disaster as a ' real ' Doctor . He was good as ' Jackson Lake ' in his scenes with Tennant though . Loved his ' sonic screwdriver ' ! The Cybermen seemed a bit wasted , getting to do little more than march about and look menacing . The real villainy came from sexy Dervla Kirwan as ' Miss Hartigan ' , easily the best female villain in the show's long history . She had joined forces with the Cybermen to help them construct a ' Cyber King ' , a giant-sized version who proceeded to stamp Godzilla-like on poor old London Town . Why did the Cybermen need children to work in their factory ? Surely adults could have done the job more efficiently . Watching this made me even more sorry that Tennant is leaving next year . He did wonders with what was basically an average script . It is going to be hard for whoever replaces him . An unpopular new Doctor could spell the show's end in 2010 . I hope not . The appearance of the earlier Doctors was nice , and there were some good jokes , but overall this was the weakest of the ' Dr . Who ' Christmas Specials , a damp squib after last year's hugely enjoyable ' Voyage Of The Damned ' . But ' The Next Doctor ' got eleven million viewers , overtaking ' Eastenders ' , so I'm clearly in a minority here . |
400,750 | 7,743,887 | 80,295 | 9 | Ken Archer Vs . The World | As the ' 80's arrived , and alternative comedy got into full swing , a number of sitcoms appeared that were darker than the chirpy fare served up by the B . B . C . and I . T . V . in the ' 70's . Carla Lane gave us ' I Woke Up One Morning ' , a powerful , bleak show about men struggling to beat alcoholism , ' Affairs Of The Heart ' starred Derek Fowlds as a man learning to cope with life following a heart attack , ' Dead Ernest ' was a ( not very ) good attempt at black comedy from the writers of ' Brass ' , in which Andrew Sachs ' character died and went to Heaven but refused to accept the situation . Beating them all to the punch was ' Time Of My Life ' , broadcast in early 1980 , written by Jim Eldridge , and directed by Martin Shardlow , who also helmed the first series of ' Only Fools & Horses ' and ' The Black Adder ' . Mark Kingston plays ' Ken Archer ' , 49 years old , gainfully employed by the same company for 33 years , and happily married to 23 years to Joan ( Amanda Barrie ) . One day , he is summoned to the office of his boss . " I don't quite know how to break this to you . You how hard it is to break bad news , such as you've only got two weeks to live , or you're pregnant , or you've been fired ? " . The truth dawns on Ken . " I've been fired ? " . His boss smiles . " Good man , I knew you'd spot it ! " . Things get worse . He goes home and the first thing Joan says as he opens the front door is : " Ken , I want a divorce ! " . It turns out she has been conducting a secret affair with her son's best friend Stephen , 20 years younger than her husband and with a face that - according to Ken - resembles King Kong's ! " So that explains those headaches you've been getting every night for the past few weeks ! " , shouts Ken : " Stephen's been getting you . All I've been getting is Patrick Moore and the Epilogue ! " . These events are the prelude to a series of catastrophes to befall our luckless hero . Over the next five weeks , he is mugged , taken hostage , forced to earn a living as a street busker , see his cheques bounce , is arrested , declared insane and sent to an asylum . Even his attempt at suicide comes to nothing . Nothing goes right for the guy . All this was a bit strong for a prime-time B . B . C . - 1 slot . Perhaps it would have looked more at home on B . B . C . - 2 amongst the likes of ' Butterflies ' and ' Roger Doesn't Live Here Anymore ' ( written by John Fortune and starring Jonathan Pryce ) . It drew complaints from viewers who felt we were being invited to laugh at a man in serious trouble , but Jim Eldridge pointed out that its main theme was survival against the odds , one man staying intact despite his difficulties . Magnificent performance by Mark Kingston as ' Ken ' , almost Hancockian in fact ( the show was produced by the legendary Dennis Main Wilson ) . Like Anthony Aloysius St . John Hancock , Ken Archer becomes convinced the world hates him , and so he fights back using the one weapon he has - sarcastic wit . Eldridge gave him some cracking one-liners . For example , in the opening episode , Ken's secretary ( Avril Angers ) says : " My husband is very fond of the tea the chimps drink ! " and Ken replies : " Judging from those pictures I've seen of him , I'm not surprised ! " . In another , Ken is with an elderly couple who are watching ' Pebble Mill At One ' ( a long-gone B . B . C . - 1 daytime show ) featuring Kenny Ball & His Jazzmen . The old man ( Leslie Dwyer ) is slightly hard of hearing . " Look its Kenny Balls ! " . " No , dear ! " , replies his wife , " Its Ball ! " . " Eh ? " . " Ball , dear . He's only got the one . " . " What ? " . The wife raises her voice : " I said he's only got the one ball ! " . The old man looks shocked . " Has he ? I didn't know that ? Poor man ! " . Victor Spinetti popped up in one episode as an Italian waiter convinced that Ken fancied him . " He peeench my bum ! " . Perhaps it was right to end this after only one run . After all , how many tragedies can one man endure in a short space of time ? But it was a good laugh , and its status as a forgotten show is - in my view - wholly undeserved . |
400,850 | 7,743,887 | 640,778 | 9 | Clive's Revels | A aircraft vanishes over an area of the Pacific known as ' Demon's Triangle ' . Amongst the passengers is U . N . I . T . agent Kelly , carrying in her signet ring a chip containing stolen U . S . defence plans . Sloane and Torque fly out to an island at the heart of the mysterious area where planes and ships disappear without trace . Kelly is alive , but in the clutches of the sinister Morgan Lancaster , descendant of the famed pirate Sir Henry Morgan . Lancaster has at his disposal a sonic device capable of ' snatching ' planes out of mid-air . He intends using it to hijack the latest American warplane , and sell it to KARTEL . Written by Jimmy Sangster , scriptwriter of the Bulldog Drummond spy caper ' Deadlier Than The Male ' and author of the ' Touchfeather ' novels , this is a fun episode , enlivened by Clive Revill's arch villain . Revill had appeared in the pilot ' Death Ray 2000 ' , though as a different character . Nice to see the underused Karen Purcill getting a bigger than average role . |
400,780 | 7,743,887 | 640,779 | 9 | I think he's going to dust us ! | Sloane goes to Santa Maria , Brazil , in response to a message from U . N . I . T . agent Jacobsen . He finds the man's corpse in a deserted laboratory . A sole locust provides the only clue . Suddenly , gun men appear . Sloane flees . As he drives off , more gun men block the road and prepare to open fire . Swerving , the car goes straight into the river . The would-be killers think Sloane has flipped and laugh . But a moment later , the car emerges from the water and drives to safety up the other side of the riverbank . Sloane gets the last laugh . A farmer toiling in the fields is attacked by a horde of hungry locusts . They are hybrids , produced as a result of mating ordinary bugs with a somewhat more malign strain known as The Devil's Locust . Anyone unlucky enough to be bitten by one dies within ten seconds . They are controlled by KARTEL agent Penelope Chandler , using an electronic device that can simulate the bug's mating call . Sloane goes to Whitley University to meet Dr . Chris Bishop ( Barbara Rucker ) , the country's number one entomologist and wouldn't you know it , a very attractive woman . Her mentor , Dr . Rand , was recently killed in a plane crash . Or so the world believes . In fact , he is alive and well and in the employ of Chandler , who intends to use the locusts to create famine by destroying America's wheat and grain supplies . . . One of the more outrageous episodes in the series , ' Lady Bug ' is also tremendous fun . In a nod to Hitchcock's ' North By Northwest ' , Sloane is attacked by a crop dusting plane , though the resolution is somewhat different . He survives by breathing air from one of the tyres of a tractor . Edie Adams is cast as ' Chandler ' , a lady with a fondness for chocolates as well as surrounding herself with brawny young men in swimming trunks . I have to say I found her more cute than menacing . Jessica Walter would have better suited the role . The business with the Director and Kelly's umbrella gun looks as though the producer realised they were under running and needed to pad the episode out a bit . Sloane's gadgets - where to begin ? Chased by KARTEL men , our hero lobs a dollar in their direction , exclaiming : " Keep the change ! " . The coin then emits an incapacitatory gas . Sloane's amphibious car was obviously inspired by Roger Moore's in ' The Spy Who Loved Me ' . Whether it also fires rockets we can only guess at . Kelly gives Sloane a tape recorder concealed in a watch . He also has a device for electrifying a door handle ( giving him time to search a room ) and a fake bunch of keys that , when touched , gives a nasty shock . At the end , he is seen chatting to the Director on a video screen inside a cigarette case . No wonder I like this episode ! When the locusts attack Chandler's plane at the end , some appear to have grown to giant-size . Either the hybrid's D . N . A . was unstable or else there was dodgy process photography here . I suspect the latter was the case . Pity . A possible follow-up in which gargantuan locusts attacked major cities would have been great ! |
400,674 | 7,743,887 | 352,110 | 9 | There's Only One Way To Find Out . . . Fight ! | Once a rich source of popular television comedy , I . T . V . seems to have thrown in the towel . The jewel in its crown in recent years has been ' Harry Hill's T . V . Burp ' in which the eccentrically attired Mr . Hill pokes fun at the week's television . He would not be the first person to do this ; the B . B . C . ' s ' Saturday Night Clive ' had Clive James up to the same kind of mischief in the early ' 90's . Harry Hill is the nearest we have right now to a Spike Milligan or a Kenny Everett in that he also uses surrealism as the basis for his humour . Of course he is helped by the sad fact that British television in the Noughties is a bad joke , and thus a perfect target for comedy . Try watching a soap opera with the sound off ( the grimaces and leers of the cast are hilarious ) and you'll see what I mean ! Quiz shows and documentaries also come in for similar ribbing . One of my favourite moments was when Harry did ' If . . . British television continues to get worse ' in which he led an assault force against the television studios where much of the pap we have to endure is made . There's an unmistakable anger lurking behind the gags . Rather than get mad , Harry has decided to get even . He has fashioned a good show simply by laughing at the bad ones . |
400,895 | 7,743,887 | 640,787 | 9 | Sloane Hits The Right Note ! | Sloane is on the trail of a Japanese mercenary called Tiger Person , who has recently joined a private army . After catching the secret agent having a drink with his girlfriend , Tiger Person attacks him , but Sloane retaliates in force , so the soldier flees from the scene . Sloane and Torque give chase but before they can capture him , he takes a drug designed to wipe out his memory . Around the same time , a safe belonging to a high-ranking U . S . General is broken into and a dossier stolen . Actually , the safe has been made to crumble to dust , courtesy of a new device that causes instant metal fatigue and which resembles a big tuning fork . The top expert in the country on such matters is one Carl Updike . Sloane goes to his office , only to find him unavailable . Before he leaves he plants a bugging device . Sloane overhears a worried Alice Baker - Updike's secretary - contacting a man over the phone . He tells her to go to a secret rendezvous with his helicopter . She does so , but the chopper pilot tries to shoot her . She is saved by the unexpected intervention of Sloane . The chopper is traced to a company used as a front by one General William P . McEvoy , known to all and sundry as ' Wild Bill ' . Booted out of the U . S . army for playing ' nuclear chicken ' ( I have no idea what that means either ) , he has joined forces with KARTEL and intends to use the metal debilitator to assist in the theft of an atom bomb from a research centre in Nevada . . . One of two ' Sloane ' episodes penned by Dick Nelson , whose other writing credits include ' It Takes A Thief ' and ' The Man From U . N . C . L . E . ' . He had previously been an actor , and played ' Dan Forrester ' in a Laurel & Hardy picture called ' Great Guns ' . Geoffrey Lewis , who plays ' McEvoy ' , appeared as a THRUSH agent in ' The Return Of The Man From U . N . C . L . E : The Fifteen Years Later Affair ' T . V . movie in 1983 . Don Bagley's incidental music comes perilously close to echoing Lalo Schrfrin's ' The Plot ' , used in countless ' Mission : Impossible ' episodes . The theme of renegade soldiers was also explored in ' The New Avengers ' episode ' Dirtier By The Dozen ' in 1976 , while the metal debilitator may or may not have been inspired by the spray used to destroy wood in ' The Avengers ' episode ' The Rotters ' ( 1968 ) . Poor Torque has his cybernetic hand disintegrated at one point . Sloane's gadgets - a fishing rod which doubles as a gun , and a cigar containing a chemical designed to render guns ( and bombs ) ineffective . This episode must have had quite a tidy budget , what with a helicopter and a tank popping into the storyline . Denise DuBarry , cast as the wonderfully named ' Corporal Comfort ' , looks good even in army denims . |
400,976 | 7,743,887 | 585,692 | 9 | Robert's found out ! | Picture the scene : you are sitting alone on a park bench when a woman sits down , and exclaims breathlessly : " Robert's found out ! " . What could she possibly mean ? Well , it would depend on who the woman was , who Robert was , and who you were . The possibilities are varied . This episode of ' The Galton & Simpson Playhouse ' is unique in that it consists of two short stories , both taking the above premise as a starting point . In the first , The Man ( John Bird ) and The Woman ( Frances De la Tour ) are having an adulterous affair , when her husband Robert finds out . It is especially embarrassing for The Man because he happens to be Chairman of The Marriage Guidance Council . The couple discuss what they intend to do about it . In the second , The Man and The Woman are parents of a boy called Robert who has discovered the facts of life a few years too early through from one of his school-friends . Bird and De La Tour are the main performers here , although that lovely frog-faced actor Norman Chappell pops up briefly . As one would reasonably expect , they both turn in fine performances . The owes a great debt to ' Lunch In The Park ' which was a ' Comedy Playhouse ' , broadcast on / 61 , starring Stanley Baxter and Daphne Anderson ( remade in 1997 starring Paul Merton and Josie Lawrence ) . The humour comes from the dialogue and the characters . Galton and Simpson were at their best writing two-handers , as ' Steptoe & Son ' proved . I personally thought the first story worked better than the second ( though the latter has a wonderful moment where The Man confesses to belonging to The Dennis The Menace Fan Club ! ) . It is not one of the more outstanding episodes of this collection though , for the simple reason that the others are funnier . Look upon this then as an interesting and unusual comedy experiment . Funniest moment - in Variation No . 1 , The Man Asks The Woman who it was who told Robert about their affair . " A clerk at the hotel ! " , she replies . " How did he know who you were ? Had you been there before ? " . " No " , says The Woman : " He's my brother-in-law ! " . |
401,250 | 7,743,887 | 585,688 | 9 | They call us Pinky & Perky ! | Charles ( Charles Gray ) and Peter ( Freddie Jones ) have known each other since they were at school . After serving in the Army , they bought a house which they share . Each Friday they visit a posh bar , order the same drinks ( with nuts and crisps ) , smoke pipes , chat affably to the same people , as well as each other , mostly on the subject of the allocation of household duties . Then one evening Peter drops a bombshell - he announces he is getting married on Saturday to a woman named Joyce , and they plan on going up the Amazon together . . . Lovely gentle comedy , benefiting from two fine central performances from Freddie Jones and the late Charles Gray . The latter is probably best remembered for his role as ' Blofeld ' in the 1971 Bond film ' Diamonds Are Forever ' . Jones is , of course , one of our best living character actors . Of course Peter is not going anywhere . He invented the marriage tale simply to break what he regards as the monotony of his dull life . You wind up feeling sorry for these two - Peter for being bored out of his mind , and Charles for seeming genuinely upset at the thought of losing his oldest friend . Not much happens here but it is engaging all the same . Nicholas Courtney plays an unnamed customer whose globe-trotting lifestyle Charles and Peter look upon with envy . The actor will be familiar to ' Dr . Who ' fans as ' Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart ' . Funniest moment - Peter telling Charles : " People think we are a couple of poofs ! " . Horrified , the latter replies : " I was not a poof when I was at Dunkirk ! " . Peter says with a twinkle in his eye : " Quite a few there were ! " and goes on to relate an anecdote of an officer caught wearing ladies ' underwear when a shell blew off his uniform . |
400,975 | 7,743,887 | 585,691 | 9 | Briers Fancies A Bit Of The Good Life | In 1973 , Galton and Simpson wrote ' Casanova 73 ' for the B . B . C . This sitcom starred the great Leslie Phillips as ' Henry Newhouse ' , an advertising executive whom , despite being happily married to ' Carol ' ( Jan Holden ) has sex on the brain ( and one or two other body parts as well ) . The show detailed his numerous ( unsuccessful ) attempts to get ' with it ' , and become part of what he thought to be ' the permissive society ' . It was a very rude show for its time , and one person unamused by it was Mrs . Mary Whitehouse , who denounced it as ' filth ' . Lots of viewers ( mostly women ) were aghast at its sexism , and their complaints got it moved from its Thursday evening peak-time slot to a late-night one on Mondays , where it was quietly forgotten . But Ray and Alan had one script left over and , not wishing to waste it , turned it into a vehicle for Richard Briers ( then starring in the B . B . C . ' s ' The Good Life ' ) , shown as the second episode of ' The Galton & Simpson Playhouse ' . Henry Fairlane , middle-aged sales executive , has been happily married for ten years but is undergoing a mid-life crisis and fancying everything in the office in lipstick and a skirt . A colleague named Roger Grisham ( Henry McGee ) holds wife swapping parties every Friday , and invites him provided he bring along his wife as she is is his ' entrance fee ' . Henry is elated , but there is a problem . His wife is a right prude . So he tells her they are going to a friend's house-warming party instead . But events conspire to ensure that Henry's evening does not swing quite as planned . En route , he loses his wife , and turns up at the party all alone . . . When ' The Sun ' newspaper heard about this , it called for I . T . V . not to show it ! Yes , I know that's sounds incredible , but its true ! The puritanical article referred back to ' Casanova 73 ' almost as though it were ' Last Tango In Paris ' . Anyway , the programme was screened as planned , and if membership levels of wife-swapping clubs soared as a result it went unreported . Apart from the suggestion that Henry's wife may have had slept with up to four men that night ( blimey ! ) , it is fairly tame . You get more smut now on ' Big Brother ' . I was more shocked to see McGee playing what would today be termed a ' sex addict ' . Not the same man who was ' Mummy ' in the Sugar Puffs ' Honey Monster ' adverts , surely ? Linda Hayden , seen briefly as a secretary , appeared in two of Robin Askwith's ' Confessions ' sex romps , but is disappointingly fully clothed here throughout . Taken in the spirit in which it was intended - as a spoof of ' the permissive society ' - it is quite good fun . Funniest moment - Henry pounding on the door of Roger's flat . An elderly neighbour ( John Sharp ) tells him to be quiet . Henry explains he was trying to get in to the party . The man says he has been trying to do likewise for five years . We see why he was not accepted when his ugly wife ( PeggyAnn Clifford ) urges him to come back inside ! |
400,796 | 7,743,887 | 585,690 | 9 | Whither Deirdre ? | The great Roy Kinnear stars as ' Richard Burton ' . No , not the Welsh film star who died in 1984 , but an airline pilot who goes home after a three-day flight only to find that his wife Deirdre has left him . He goes to pieces . He phones her mother Linda ( Fanny Carby ) , but is treated with contempt , and so begins calling other old friends in a futile search for solace . Everyone gives him the cold shoulder . When he gives his name to a disc jockey ( Alan Freeman ) , he is thought to be a time waster . Then Richard receives an unexpected call from one of Deirdre's old boyfriends ( John Clive ) . . . They say the best comedy often comes from tragedy . Well , this is not great as such but amusing all the same , thanks to Kinnear and the superb supporting cast . Claire Faulconbridge is seen briefly as a Young Conservative , who makes the mistake of knocking on Burton's front door ( he tells her and her colleague to ' Get Stuffed ! ' . I know how he feels ! ) . The actress had co-starred with Kinnear the year before in the sketch show ' N . U . T . S . ' which also featured Chris Emmett , Frederick Jaeger , Dave Evans , and Barry Took . Following a stint on ' Crossroads ' , she vanished seemingly into oblivion . Where are you now , Claire ? John Clive was the voice of John Lennon in the Beatles ' animated feature film ' Yellow Submarine ' , and later became a bestselling novelist . Funniest moment - Richard trying to gas himself in an oven , only to succeed in setting light to the cushion . He forgot that they upgraded to electric only the week before ! I want to end this review by stating what a pleasure it has been to see this series again after so many years . It was also sad because many of its stars are no longer with us . Did I hear a lone voice saying ' it has not aged very well ? ' . How well did you expect it to age ? Did you think Leonard Rossiter would be using a mobile phone in ' I Tell You Its Burt Reynolds ' ? Or expect to hear Arthur Lowe in ' Car Along The Pass ' grumbling about the credit crunch ? Go and have a lie down , mush . |
401,103 | 7,743,887 | 957,591 | 9 | Steam ! Steam ! | The Gang are looking forward to a nice evening out in London . Suddenly a man steps off the pavement . Duffy's van hits him . He is Michael Upjohn , owner of a local dry cleaners . While he recuperates in hospital ( where he takes the opportunity to flirt with Maureen ) , the Gang try to make amends by running his business . Dennis and Peter struggle to make sense of the dry cleaning equipment . Frankie meanwhile reads trashy detective stories to Upjohn's mother . . . As the first series of ' The Fenn Street Gang ' drew to a close , the stories ceased to focus on individual members , and instead featured them as a group . This one is pretty good , and features the late Daphne Heard - best remembered as ' Mrs . Poo ' from ' To The Manor Born ' - as the dry cleaner's outspoken mother . Surprisingly , the only Gang member she gets on really well with is Frankie . At the end , they are walk out of a cinema showing ' The Big Sleep ' , wearing 1940's clothing and addressing each other as ' Humphrey Bogart ' and ' Lauren Bacall ' . Instead of Denis King's theme , the end titles feature an orchestral version of ' As Time Goes By ' from ' Casablanca ' . Funniest moment - Dennis accidentally putting a plate in the washing machine . |
400,935 | 7,743,887 | 80,242 | 9 | Sci-Fi With A Positive Message | ' The Martian Chronicles ' came out when U . S . T . V . sci-fi was reaping the ' Star Wars ' dividend with ' Battlestar Galactica ' and ' Buck Rogers ' . Based on the Ray Bradbury novel , it took a completely different tack , telling of the exploration and colonisation of Mars . Much of the book's poetry was lost in Richard Matheson's clumsy adaptation , but enough remained to make it rather more interesting than the latest skirmish with the Cylons or Draconians . In fact its almost on a par with the original ' Outer Limits ' . Rock Hudson starred as ' Colonel John Wilder ' , and his permanent look of horror as American culture swamped the planet was the best thing about his performance . ' Chronicles ' shouldn't be judged on the basis of its special effects , which is just as well , seeing as they're mostly terrible . However , the ' David Lustig ' sequence in Part Two , the hilarious Christopher Connelly segment and moving performance by Barry Morse in Part Three , make this an above average sci-fi series . Great music too ! |
401,235 | 7,743,887 | 202,735 | 9 | Charades On Television | A sketch in ' Not The Nine O'Clock News ' had an out-of-work actor ( Griff Rhys Jones ) receiving bad news in the post . " Dear Sir " , it said : " We would like you to appear on ' Give Us A Clue ' . " . So horrified was the poor guy that he shot himself . What can one say about ' Give Us A Clue ' ? This Thames panel game was basically charades on television , with two teams of celebrities ( three men versus three women ) competing against one another to see who could come up with the outrageous mimes . It got going in 1978 , with Michael Aspel ( later Parkinson ) as host , Una Stubbs ( later Liza Goddard ) as one team captain , with a saluting Lionel Blair as the other ( my late father detested Blair with a vengeance , and hurled insults at the screen whenever he was on . ' Effeminate ' being a cleaned up version of his most frequently used one . My mother once pointed out that Lionel had fathered children , to which Dad sneeringly responded : " They're probably not his ! " . Ah , that man's rapier-like wit is sorely missed ) . Amongst the good sports ( or sad losers , depending on your view ) were Paul Henry ( ' Benny ' from ' Crossroads ' ) , Jon Pertwee , Joyce Blair ( Lionel's sister ) , Madelaine Smith , Michael Barrymore ( in the days when he was funny ) , Billy Dainty , Bernie Winters , Honor Blackman , Francoise Pascal , Gabrielle Drake , Roy Kinnear , Brian Marshall ( they were probably short of people that week ) , Alfred Marks , and Harry H . Corbett . The early shows included members of the public as team members . I do not know where they got these poor sods from , but they managed to be fairly useless . A man made a right berk of himself one night miming his own name . He had read the wrong side of his card ! Warren Mitchell went on once , and , slipping into his ' Alf Garnett ' persona , rebuked Una ( she had a charming habit of sticking her bottom in the air when miming - no wonder I loved the show ! ) in no uncertain terms . When Warren read the title of his next mime , the studio ( those privileged to see what it was ) erupted in laughter . It was ' Mind Your Language ' ! On a sadder note , the great Marty Feldman made one of his last television appearances on this show . Recently returned from the States , ( following his sacking by Universal studios ) , he looked haggard ( he sported a beard ) and unwell . Though Lionel introduced him as ' that genius of comedy ' , Marty's heart was just not in the game . He could barely raise a smile . It was sad to see him in such a dreadful state . One of the early shows featured Libby Morris ( forgotten now , but a very funny lady in her day ) trying to mime International Rugby League . I cannot do justice to her performance , but the harder she worked at it the more confused the team got . When she finished I had tears rolling down my face . Another wonderful performance came from the tough guy-actor George Sewell , who had to do ' The Virgin Soldiers ' . He got ' soldiers ' right , but just how do you convey virginity in mime ? He had a good go though , putting his lips to his fingers to denote innocence . ' Clue ' ran for years , surviving ( as previously pointed out ) a change of host and team captain . An attempt by the B . B . C . to revive it some years back as an early morning show did not work out . The early editions boasted a catchy but familiar sounding theme tune by the talented Alan Hawkshaw . I say familiar because it was the same as the B . B . C . ' s children's show ' Grange Hill ' ! I never found out how it came to be used on two shows broadcast at the same time on different channels . Thames later replaced it with an original composition by the equally talented Denis King . |
400,604 | 7,743,887 | 607,970 | 9 | Is anybody there ? | Frankie recounts the time he was a private eye . A rich old battle axe named Mrs . Parsley suspects her husband of having an affair , and hires Frankie to keep tabs on him . With her in tow , he tracks her husband to a flat owned by the lovely Lola . Breaking in and hiding a walkie-talkie , Frankie is unexpectedly trapped when Mrs . Parsley takes away the ladder . A number of weird-looking people show up , so he tries to pass himself off as one of Lola's friends . Frankie thinks an orgy may be about to get underway , instead it turns out to be a séance . . . The final episode of ' The Howerd Confessions ' was penned by Dave Freeman , a former collaborator with Benny Hill , author of two ' Carry On ' pictures , and a hilarious climax to the show it makes too . Quite a few well-known faces scattered about : Sarah Douglas , who plays ' Lola ' , would go on to play the evil Kryptonian ' Ursa ' in the first two ' Superman ' movies starring Christopher Reeve , the late Margaret Courtenay was Joan Sanderson's main competition in the ' battle axe ' stakes in ' 70's sitcoms , April Olrich had appeared in the children's show ' Robert's Robots ' for Thames , while Mireille Allonville , seen as Mrs . Parsley's sexy maid ' Emmanuelle ' , was to be found fluttering around Ted Rogers and ' Dusty Bin ' in ' 3 , 2 , 1 ' in 1978 ( the poor thing ) . Funniest moment - the séance scene . Frankie has left the receive button on the walkie-talkie on , so when Mrs . Parsley tries to talk to him , the people round the table think someone from the spirit world is attempting to communicate ! |
401,026 | 7,743,887 | 68,096 | 9 | Joan ! The subject is closed ! | I think its sad that this show has been so misunderstood . People who weren't even alive in the ' 70's will tell you with absolute authority that it was ' racist ' and ' should never be shown again ' . Yet how many of them have actually seen an episode ? True , ' Love Thy Neighbour ' was about a racist - Eddie Booth - but it was no more an endorsement of his ridiculous views than ' Fawlty Towers ' a televisual guidebook on hotel management . Jack Smethurst was superb as Booth , a walking contradiction of a man who purports to be socialistic , yet his attitudes are pure Enoch Powell . I used to live in a neighbourhood where there were a lot of West Indian families , and you should have heard the laughter coming out of these houses when this show was on . Before condemning it outright , critics should take the trouble to watch it and see who comes out on top every week . It certainly isn't Eddie . If anyone was foolish enough to laugh along with him , that was their fault , not the show's . |
401,696 | 7,743,887 | 818,967 | 9 | Are Youse Paying This Bill ? | Barbara has got the day off work , and plans to spend it at home looking after her cat ' Mr . Kitty-Kins ' . Billy takes her out for a meal in his office lunch break so he can ply her with wine , with a view to getting her in the sack . When he goes to pay , he finds he has left his wallet at home . With no money to pay for the meal , he tries breaking into Barbara's handbag but she hasn't brought it with her . What does Billy do now ? The ultimate nightmare or what ? You're in a restaurant with your best girl and cannot afford to even tip the waiter , much less pay the bill . The waiter here is played by the marvellous Bill Pertwee of ' Dad's Army ' fame ; he looks like Hitler but speaks in a Brummie accent . How the dilemma is resolved is fairly predictable , with Billy climbing out of the window of the men's toilet and dashing off home . Funniest moment ? The contrast between Billy's real predicament and the fantasy sequences where he imagines himself and Barbara in a posh Italian restaurant , replete with gypsy fiddlers . Sally Watts is unrecognisable as a sexier than usual Barbara . |
401,254 | 7,743,887 | 1,200,526 | 9 | If there were any bullets in this rifle , I'd shoot myself ! | It is C-Flight's third day at R . A . F . Skelton , and everyone is thoroughly browned off with Corporal Marsh , who makes Captain Bligh from ' Mutiny On The Bounty ' seem like ' Captain Birdseye ' . After mopping the latrine , the lads report to Squadron Leader Baker for their medical . Jakey intends failing his by pretending to be hard of hearing , and has even swallowed cotton wool so it will show up on his chest X-rays , but Baker knows what he is up to . Smith is passed fit for duty . Marsh's hostility towards Leckie increases to the point where the young Scot becomes depressed , even more so when subjected to Lilley's chatter about God . When he disappears , and bullets go missing from the Armoury , the others fear the worst . Marsh is horrified too as the suicide of a conscript will almost certainly cause him to lose his stripes . . . Another good episode . Brian Pettifer's ' Leckie ' is promoted to centre stage . We even get to find out that his first name is Bruce . It is good to see the actor is still around , his most recent T . V . appearance was as ' Andra ' in the ' Rab C . Nesbitt ' special ' Clean ' . It is of course in keeping with Marsh's character that he should be prejudiced against Scots , had Leckie been Welsh or Irish the results would probably have been the same . John D . Collins plays ' Squadron Leader Baker ' , who examines Jakey with the jaded air of someone wise to all the dodges . It is a pity that he is best known to viewers as one of the fugitive air-men from ' Allo , Allo ' , to which his main contribution was ' Hallo ! ' . His inept assistant ' Rankin ' is that marvellously lugubrious actor Derek Deadman , a . k . a . ' Ringo ' from ' Never The Twain ' . Funniest moment - Marsh attempting to explain Leckie's suicide to an officer , unaware that the very man is standing behind him ! |
401,558 | 7,743,887 | 1,200,523 | 9 | The Second Day | Its C-Flight's second day at R . A . F . Skelton - the conscripts are made to rise at the ungodly hour of five-thirty , and enter a freezing cold washroom . Finding a flick-knife in Smith's pocket , Marsh threatens to put him on a charge . Smith claims it is his razor , and to prove his point shaves with it , resulting in nicks galore . Smith sells the Corporal a packet of lace hankies , which he gives to wife Alice . Following breakfast , the lads are packed off to Supply Stores to collect their kits . Returning to their quarters , Ken loses his , and frantically searches for it . It has been returned to Supply Stores , but L . A . C . Hodder refuses to hand it back - he is far more interested in girlfriend June . A furious Marsh demands a new kit for Ken . While Hodder packs one , Marsh finds a lace hankie on the floor , and wrongly assumes Alice is being unfaithful . . . A terrific episode , one that gives Marsh a chance to show a little humanity ( he sticks up for Ken when he loses his kit ) . Ken's display of concern for Marsh's wellbeing is both believable and touching . The late Clive Hornby , future ' Jack Sugden ' of the soap ' Emmerdale ' , appears as ' L . A . C . Hodder ' . Note the excited reaction of the studio audience when Ken catches sight of the R . A . F . Regiment quarters . Obviously there were one or two ex-R . A . F . conscripts with long memories present . We will see more of the drunken , violent Regiment in future episodes . Funniest moment - Marsh dispensing Lilley's kit . I cannot do justice to it here , but it is a wonderful scene and rightly earns Tony Selby applause . |
401,563 | 7,743,887 | 665,490 | 9 | I'm All Right , Stan ! | Stan and Jack are horrified to learn of the imposition of strict new rules concerning the use of the canteen , and that one of the staff - Elsie - is to be sacked . Jack calls an official strike . On hearing he is to receive an generous productivity bonus , however , Jack tells everyone to go back to work . Angered by his U-Turn , Stan resolves to continue the strike single-handed - without union backing . As the night approaches , poor Stan is alone in the cab of his bus . But not quite as alone as he thinks , as Blakey has stayed behind to try and lure him out . . . As I've noted elsewhere in other reviews , trade unions were a familiar target in 70's sitcoms , often caricatured as cold , ruthless entities , run by small men with Hitler complexes who called for strikes whenever there was a football match on telly . This was because a lot of those shows were penned by Tory sympathisers , keen to play up the unpopularity of unions for all it was worth . The Boulting Brothers ' classic ' I'm All Right Jack ' in 1959 was widely credited with securing a Tory election victory the following year . This episode features surprisingly little union bashing compared to ' Love Thy Neighbour ' , ' The Good Life ' , and the thankfully forgotten ' Up The Workers ' ( which starred Lance Percival ) , concentrating more on Stan's one-man protest . Even so Jack is portrayed here as hard-hearted and callous , ending the strike as soon as he is promised a bonus , reinstating it the moment it is safely in his pocket . Stan is the only one in the depot with any real principles , being prepared to risk his job so that Elsie can stay . Perhaps the staff should have made him ' Shop Steward ' instead . Funniest moment - a lengthy scene in the middle of the story where Stan attempts to wallpaper the kitchen ceiling , and ropes Olive , Arthur and Mum in . The result ? A right old mess as you'd expect . |
400,664 | 7,743,887 | 665,489 | 9 | You've Met Dracula , Now Meet The Mummy ! | Blakey's mother moves into the Butler household . She's only supposed to be there for two days , but proves reluctant to leave . Mrs . Blake is domineering , bad-tempered and vain . She has Mrs . Butler cooking her breakfast at 8 . 30 a . m . , polishing her shoes , taking her newspapers , and generally treats her like a dogsbody . Mum is frightened to throw her out for fear of offending Blakey . Matters come to a head at the bingo hall . Winning close to £100 , Mrs . Blake refuses to share the money , even though Mum paid for the winning ticket . . . Written by George Layton and Jonathan Lynn . Pat Nye's ' Mrs . Blake ' is a truly unpleasant woman , who treats her son as though he's still only four years old . One can easily see where Blakey gets his dictatorial qualities from . Doris Hare is magnificent in this episode , her timidity finally breaking through and turning into raw anger . Funniest moment - Olive relaying Mrs . Blake's complaint about her breakfast . OLIVE : She says it was only supposed to be a three-minute egg . MUM : Tell her it was only supposed to be a two-day visit ! |
401,260 | 7,743,887 | 1,231,154 | 9 | Sheila's ( and Peter's ) Wheels ! | In 1978 , the David Jason sitcom ' A Sharp Intake Of Breath ' confounded critics by topping the ratings , overtaking ' Coronation Street ' . In all honesty , the first run was the weakest , boasting a pair of unfunny episodes by Kenneth Cope and Leslie Duxbury alongside the much-better Ronnie Taylor ones . When it returned one year later , Jason said in an interview : " We've gotten together with our writer and tightened up the character of Peter Barnes . " . He was right . The second run was more consistent ( even though it was eclipsed by another returning programme , the start of the second season of ' Fawlty Towers ' on B . B . C . - 2 ) , and its popularity continued . I wrote in my diary at the time : " ' A Sharp Intake ' is definitely on the uptake ! " . The third season was curtailed due to Taylor's death . Rather than end the programme outright , A . T . V . hired a new writer - Vince Powell , responsible for hit sitcoms ' George & The Dragon ' , ' Love Thy Neighbour ' , and ' Mind Your Language ' . Unfortunately , his first script was a reworking of a ' Bless This House ' plot , entitled ' A Rolls By Any Other Name ' . In that Sid Abbott ( Sid James ) is entrusted with his boss ' new car , only to be arrested during a student protest ( in which daughter Sally has taken part ) . Powell must have assumed that ' House ' was never going to be seen again , hence it was okay for him to reuse the script ( ironically , it is ' Breath ' which is no longer seen by the public , thanks to Jason ) . In fairness , ' Wheels ' works well as a ' Breath ' script - there is a funny scene in a police station with Barnes trying to bribe a sergeant , but the shift in style was noticeable . Peter's whistling while playfully touching Sheila's bottom would later be adopted by Del Boy ( on meeting Marlene ) in ' Only Fools & Horses ' . A major blow to the fourth series was the departure of Richard Wilson . The actor had played authority figures in every episode up until then , and the show was just not the same without him . Funniest moment - Peter is handcuffed to the police sergeant . When the phone rings , he moves to answer it - and in so doing spills tea all over the other man . |
401,578 | 7,743,887 | 665,477 | 9 | Here comes Rumbletum ! | Stan and Jack are amused when Blakey gets an attack of ' gutsache ' , and has to see the new depot Nurse . Blakey is given some foul looking medicine ( he spills most of it down his uniform ) . Mary , young , blonde and Scottish , is looking for somewhere to live . Stan offers to put her up in his mother's front parlour . No sooner has Mary got her feet under the table than Arthur begins openly flirting with her . He even takes her to a movie . When he fails to kiss her goodnight properly , she looks upset . Things come to a head when Stan , while driving out of the depot , spots Mary chatting to Arthur , and brakes so hard he causes Blakey to get messed up all over again . . . A sweet little episode this , notable mainly for the appearance of Hal Dyer ( Michael Robbins ' real-life wife ) as the prim and proper Mary . For a while it looks as though Mary might have taken a shine to Arthur , but she finally admits to not wanting to get involved with a married man , and leaves the Butler household . Dyer would appear as ' Mrs . Coombs ' in ' Holiday On The Buses ' . Funnily enough , Blakey fell for a nurse in that film ( played by Kate Williams ) . Must be those uniforms they wear . Funniest moment - at the dinner table , Olive tries to mimic Mary's habit of eating soup with her little finger cocked ! |
400,949 | 7,743,887 | 1,231,139 | 9 | You silly bitch ! | Peter is trying to teach Sheila to drive . She damages the car and he has to call the local garage . A pair of mechanics ( Alun Armstrong and Malcolm Storry ) turn up , take one look at the vehicle , and pronounce it as being not worthy of repair . When Peter calls at the garage days later to collect the car , he has to deal with Mr . Myers ( Richard Wilson ) who is completely unhelpful . Called away to deal with another problem , Myers leaves Peter to answer the phone - an irate customer venting his spleen . The car back on the road again , he resumes his wife's learning , but she is utterly hopeless and backs into an articulated lorry . When he gets out to deal with the angry driver ( the term ' road rage ' had not been coined then , but it existed believe you me ) , she drives off , forcing him to give chase on foot . . . The second episode of ' Breath ' will ring a bell with anyone who's been ripped off by garages ( I used to work in one ) , staffed by shysters who exploit their customers ' general ignorance of motor cars . The guy I was unlucky enough to have as my boss once overcharged a customer simply out of contempt for the make of car he was driving ! At the end , when Peter revisits the garage , Mr . Myers tries to flog him a new vehicle . Typical ! As ' Victor Meldrew ' of ' One Foot In The Grave ' , Richard Wilson would experience similar problems with mechanics . Interesting to compare this with another ' lost ' David Jason sitcom - ' The Top Secret Life Of Edgar Briggs ' . Briggs only reacted to events , here Barnes was responsible for them . Funniest moment - cleaning the windscreen , Sheila complains of one impossible-to-shift speck of dirt . Peter points out it is the other side of the tax disc ! |
400,887 | 7,743,887 | 180,355 | 9 | The Only Way I Can Stay Alive Is To Stay Dead ! | ' The Hanged Man ' , an eight-part drama series from Yorkshire Television , played like a British version of the American thriller ' Point Blank ! ' . The late Colin Blakely played ' Lew Burnett ' , owner of a construction empire he had built up from nothing . The story begins with Burnett - wearing a yellow hard-hat and council workman's jacket - driving a dump-truck along clifftops when , suddenly , the brakes fail , causing him to lose control and plunge into the sea . He survives with minor injuries , but now is seriously worried . This is the third such ' accident ' to befall him in recent weeks . Who wants to kill him ? In a voice over ( which would be repeated each week ) , he says : " The only way I can stay alive is to stay dead . So I can find out who's trying to kill me . And why . " . With the world believing him to have perished , Burnett is free to move like a wraith through the criminal underworld , looking back on his past life in a desperate gamble to find who hated him enough to destroy him . He questions suspects and , when necessary , gets rough with them . One was ' Turtle ' , a small-time crook played by John F . Landry , who got his own show a few years later - ' Turtle's Progress ' . All came well in the final episode of ' The Hanged Man ' with Burnett finally discovering the identity of his would-be killer . It was written by Edward Ward , a scriptwriter of some considerable reputation with episodes of ' Man In A Suitcase ' and ' The Main Chance ' ( starring John Stride ) to his credit . There was a book based on the show , and a long-playing record . In common with a lot of drama series of the period , it was a bit talky , but nevertheless gripping and well acted . It went out latish on Saturday nights , a good time for thriller shows . There was even a show called ' Thriller ' in that slot at one point . Dominating the show was the wonderful Blakely , giving a moody and intense performance as the revenge-seeking ' Burnett ' . My father though took a different view . After viewing the trailer , he said : " Its rubbish . All about a builder who gets involved in daring escapades ! " . Of course it was not like that . I would very much like to see it again . That's all I can remember about this . Except for one interesting bit of trivia - Alan Tew's powerful theme tune was later reused by ' The Two Ronnies ' as the intro to their ' Piggy Malone / Charley Farley ' serial ' Stop - You're Killing Me ' ! |
400,618 | 7,743,887 | 792,648 | 9 | A Bore Is Starred ! | A photographer visits Fenn Street School , and is so impressed by Potter he hires him to do the photo-shoot for a poster campaign for beer . Naturally the thought of fame goes straight to the school keeper's head . But the Chairman of the Board of Govenors informs him he will lose his job if he lends his face to commercial advertising . Potter is horrified - but what do about it ? A good Season 3 episode , this , giving Deryck Guyler the chance to play up Potter's obvious vanity . As soon as the photo-shoot is completed , he minces about the school in trendy sunglasses , and calls everyone ' sweetie ' , making him even more of a fool in 5C's eyes than he is already . Eventually , Hedges resolves the situation - by making Potter's picture impossible to identify . Funniest moment - Potter riding an escalator on the London Underground and seeing his face on every one of the advertisements ! |
401,000 | 7,743,887 | 505,201 | 9 | 70 Is A Dangerous Age , Adam | Simms is overjoyed to receive a postcard from Timothy Henshaw , a retired actor , now living at the Sweet Lawns ' home for senior citizens . With Adam in tow , he pays a visit , but Henshaw fails to recognise his friend , and doesn't even recall having sent the card ! Why are there corpses buried in the summerhouse ? Why are the residents virtual prisoners in the home ? And just what is Dr . Heason up to in his laboratory ? Dick Sharples is best remembered as the creator of the classic Thora Hird sitcom ' In Loving Memory ' , which might have made a suitable title for this dark tale . Dr . Heason is stealing the identities of dead old people to give to criminals , so that they will help him rob stately homes ! Some witty dialogue helps the improbable plot along , particularly the opening exchange between Adam and Simms . The valet's embarrassment at being pursued by the Hattie Jacques-like Matron is hilarious . No Georgina sorry to say , but glamour is provided by the voluptuous Cyd Hayman ( ' Nina ' of the wartime I . T . V . drama ' Manhunt ' ) cast as a nurse ! ' Dr . Heason ' is brought to life by Kenneth J . Warren , whom ' Steptoe & Son ' fans will recognise as ' Arthur ' from ' Cuckoo In The Nest ' . I wish I knew the name of the idiot who wiped this . I bet his first name was Stanley . |
400,980 | 7,743,887 | 73,993 | 9 | My girlfriend likes to touch me a lot ! | Whenever ' 70's sitcoms about race are discussed on retro programmes , one show that invariably gets mentioned first is ' Love Thy Neighbour ' , as though that's all there was back then . I shout at the screen : " What about ' The Fosters ' " ? The idea to do an all-black British sitcom came from Michael Grade of London Weekend Television . On a visit to the U . S . A . , he'd seen and enjoyed an episode of ' Good Times ' , and thought it would work well over here . It did . The late Norman Beaton played ' Sam Foster ' , the patriarchal head of a family living in a block of flats in London . He was married to the loving ' Pearl ' ( the late Isabelle Lucas ) , and the children were ' Sonny ' ( Lenny Henry ) who fancied himself as Britain's answer to Richard Rowntree , sister ' Shirley ' ( Sharon Rosita ) and little brother ' Benjamin ' ( Lawrie Mark ) . Carmen Munroe was their neighbour ' Vilma ' . The cast were great , particularly Beaton and Henry . Stand-up comic Lenny had won the talent show ' New Faces ' only a year or so before , and he fitted effortlessly into this sitcom , acquitting himself well opposite more experienced actors . No wonder he went on to greater success . Being a family show , ' The Fosters ' had to tone down the grittiness of the original . ' Good Times ' broke new ground with an episode in which one of the characters caught V . D . Nothing like that happened in ' The Fosters ' . Jon Watkins adapted the scripts , and later invented a few new ones . He had previously written for ' Bless This House ' , and it showed . I cannot recall the plots in any great detail , but do remember Irene Handl guested in one show as a dotty old lady who has used dog food to make shepherd's pie , which she then gives to The Fosters . Too embarrassed to refuse it , they sit down as a family - with the old lady present - to eat the pie . As he says grace , Sonny lets slip that he knows what she has done : " The Lord is my sheepdog , I shall not woof ! " . After only two seasons , L . W . T . pulled the pull on the show . Why is unclear to this day , as it was never out of the Top Ten ratings . Perhaps the characters were perceived to be a little too nice , the plots not daring enough . Who knows ? ' The Fosters ' , if nothing else , disapproves the myth that all ' 70's sitcoms were casually racist . If you're wondering about that summary , its a quote from the first episode , being Sonny's introductory line . He delivered it in such a cool , nonchalant style it won him a round of applause ! |
400,782 | 7,743,887 | 544,135 | 9 | The One That Didn't Want To Get Away | There's a new arrival at Colditz Castle - Squadron Leader Tony Shaw ( Jeremy Kemp ) , a man whose flying exploits are legendary . When news spreads among the British prisoners , there is much excitement . The Germans keep him in solitary , fearing his reputation will inspire further escape attempts . But on Hauptmann Ullmann's ( Hans Meyer ) advice , Shaw is released . Lt . Simon Carter ( David McCallum ) offers to push Shaw to the top of the escape list , but the Squadron Leader refuses to go . Carter reminds him it is the duty of every British officer to try to escape , but he prefers instead to potter about the library , and join a class devoted to the study of Victorian literature , headed by Captain James Porteous ( Jim Norton ) . He too has had enough of the war , and will not co-operate with the escape committee . Major Mohn ( Anthony Valentine ) is deeply suspicious of Shaw , and suspects his visits to the library are not as innocuous as they seem . . . From the second series of the B . B . C . ' s ' Colditz ' . With Robert Wagner and Edward Hardwicke gone , there was plenty of room for development of existing characters , such as Carter and Brent , also the inclusion of a new German officer - the sneering Major Mohn , who was akin to the kind of Nazi to be found in old war movies and children's comics . I expect he was brought in to provide a contrast to Bernard Hepton's humane ' Kommandant ' . In the first episode to feature him - ' Arrival Of A Hero ' - Mohn gave everyone in the castle a sound reason to hate his guts - in a mere fifty minutes ! This David Ambrose-penned episode focuses on an aspect rarely covered in W . W . 2 P . O . W . yarns - those prisoners who for various reasons had decided not to dig tunnels or forge I . D . papers . They were not all cowards ( to be sent to Colditz , you had to have made three escape attempts from holding camps ) , many had had enough of risking their necks and wanted nothing more than to sit out the rest of the war . Having a hero as a reluctant escapee was a bold move on the part of the writer . As it turns out , Shaw's motives are more complex than they first appear . Shaw is played by one of my favourite actors , Jeremy Kemp . His credits are too numerous to mention , but he was ' Phil Bradley ' , one of the ill-fated heroes of ' Operation Crossbow ' ( 1965 ) . As ' Captain Porteous ' we have the equally excellent Jim Norton . ' Father Ted ' fans will recall him as ' Bishop Len Brennan ' . Of course there is nothing remotely funny about his performance in this . Another superb episode all round . |
401,442 | 7,743,887 | 73,995 | 9 | George ! | ' George & Mildred ' was the first - and best - of the spin-offs from Johnnie Mortimer and Brian Cooke's ' Man About The House ' . Using the proceedings from the sale of their home in Myddleton Terrace , the Ropers ' move into a posh residential area ( ' all B . B . C . - 2 and musical toilet rolls ' , according to George ) , and find themselves living next door to snobbish estate agent Jeffrey Fourmile , his wife Ann and their son Tristram . George is like the proverbial fish out of water . Somewhat unbelievably , he gets a job as a traffic warden . The relationship between him and Mildred was much the same ; she craves physical affection , and poor George isn't able to provide it . Much of the humour came from George constantly embarrassing his wife in public , such as the time he took a bath in the lounge just as Mildred brought home friends for tea . Like ' Terry & June ' , it was cosy , predictable stuff , but highly amusing . Mortimer and Cooke wrote every episode , meaning that there was no dip in quality ( as was the case with ' Robin's Nest ' ) when new writers came aboard . The first season had a cracking theme by John Hawksworth but when it returned , Roger Webb supplied a bland tune which didn't suit the show at all . In much the same way that Yootha Joyce stole the show in ' House ' , little Nicholas Bond-Owen upstaged the adult performers as ' Tristram ' . Enormously popular , the show racked up huge ratings even on its repeats . Sadly , Yootha Joyce died before a final series could be recorded . |
401,267 | 7,743,887 | 1,243,683 | 9 | Eaten Alive By The Widow Twankey ! | Another saucy romp with Henry Newhouse , the man who makes Dr . Dick Stuart-Clark from the ' Doctor ' series seem like a monk . It is morning , and Henry and Carol are both hung-over following a boozy charity event the night before . Carol wants to know where her husband disappeared to in the middle of it . " I was with Dick . " , he says , thinking on his feet . " Dick who ? " . Staring at the cup in his hand , he replies : " Dick Cupp ! " . Carol sarcastically responds with : " Does he have a brother called Sid ? " . He spins a yarn about how he met an old friend from Australia and went off to chat to him . In reality , however , he was with Gloria ( Maureen Lipman ) , a fire-eating stripper . They meet up again later that day in a restaurant . Then disaster strikes - Henry spots a nosey neighbour called Mrs . Kershaw ( Josephine Tewson ) dining with a friend and , borrowing Gloria's black wig - sneaks out of the restaurant in disguise . But he is sufficiently unsettled by Mrs . Kershaw's presence to want to visit her at home , and try to get her to keep quiet . The widow agrees to do so , provided he sleep with her . Emerging tired from her room some time later , he is about to leave when the old battle-axe admits : " I did not see you last night ! Never mind Henry , your secret is safe with me ! " . For once , the super-stud of suburbia has been outwitted by a female ! I am sure Maureen Lipman does not regard this as a career highpoint ( the role seems to have been written for the late Wendy Richard ) , but nevertheless she is great as the tarty stripper . Ditto Josephine Tewson as the dragon-like ' Mrs . Kershaw ' ( who looks uncannily like the show's fiercest critic Mary Whitehouse ! ) . ' Dad's Army ' fans will recognise the coffee-stall owner - it is ' Private Sponge ' ( Colin Bean ) . The producer of this series was Harold Snoad , later to make ' Keeping Up Appearances ' . That programme's theme tune was by Nick Ingham , who also worked on this . Funniest moment - after making love , Gloria comes over all religious . " I come from a family of Quakers ! " . He shoots back with : " Well , you've had your oats , haven't you ? " . Not the world's wittiest line , but impeccably delivered by Phillips . |
401,264 | 7,743,887 | 1,243,685 | 9 | Henry Gets Bugged ! | Henry gets some disturbing news - his business partner Arthur Langham ( Michael Napier Brown ) suspects wife Connie ( Yolande Turner ) of having an affair , and has placed a tape recorder in his flat , hoping to identify her mystery lover . Said lover is none other than Henry himself . Packing off Arthur on a business trip to Africa , he sets about hunting for the recorder . With Connie's help , the flat is turned upside down . Nothing is found . Whenever Henry and Connie wish to talk , they have to leave the flat , and in so doing attract the attention of a neighbour ( Donald Morley ) . Henry tries to justify his presence by pretending to be a canvassing Tory candidate . When Henry is still there hours later , the neighbour grows suspicious . Exhausted and in despair , Henry returns to his office for an angry confrontation with Arthur . But the voice on the tape recorder is not the one he expected to hear . . . With Watergate very much in the news when this was made , the timing could not have been better . A year after this went out , Francis Ford Coppola made ' The Conversation ' in which surveillance expert Gene Hackman destroys an apartment trying to find a tape recorder . Was Coppola a ' Casanova 73 ' fan ? The mind boggles . There is a sub-plot about representatives from an African state threatening to cancel their account with Henry's company as their entrant in an international beauty contest got pregnant - Henry strikes again ! - whilst in London but nothing is made of it . Janet Davies - ' Mrs . Pike ' from ' Dad's Army ' - is the wife of the Langhams ' garrulous neighbour . Great performance by the late Donald Morley . His ' are you planning to set up committee rooms ? ' as he spots Henry outside Connie's flat late at night is beautifully delivered . Funniest moment - Henry realising Connie has not only been unfaithful to her husband , but to him too ! |
401,035 | 7,743,887 | 1,243,686 | 9 | The God-Daughter ! | A good one for Maddy Smith fans this . Made the same year she played ' Miss Caruso ' in ' Live & Let Die ' . I had the privilege of meeting the lady herself the year before . Actually , meeting is too strong a word - seeing would be nearer the mark ( and my goodness , there was plenty of her to see ! ) . She came to my town to be Guest of Honour at the Summer Carnival . My uncle , a taxi driver , was her personal chauffeur ( lucky devil ) for the day and took her through the packed streets in a limousine . I wanted to meet her but it was no use . She had loads of admirers - mostly men - and everyone wanted a glimpse of those famous . . . eyes . I got close enough to see she was stunningly beautiful - sexy , but with an air of innocence , with a face like that of a China doll . I got her autograph ( which sadly I no longer have ) but never got to talk to her . She returned to London and our lives took very different paths . Here she plays ' Tessa Finlay ' , Henry's god daughter . Tessa is about to be married to nerdy Peter ( David Simeon - later to grace the marvellous ' End Of Part One ' ) . Listening to her sing at his home , Henry mentally undresses her , picturing her in kinky clothes . Later , when the gathering is over , he dismisses Peter as an ' iron hoof ' . Finding a note in his pocket from Tessa , Henry suspects something is up . The next day , she turns up at his office . She confesses to being sexually inexperienced ( as is her husband-to-be ) and , fearing the honeymoon will be a disaster , wants ' Uncle ' Henry to take her virginity away . He suddenly turns puritanical and refuses to do the dirty deed . Tessa announces that unless he does it , she will sleep with the first lorry driver she sees on leaving the building . He agrees to her demand , but then finds that he cannot ( ahem ! ) rise to the occasion . After much debate , she agrees to stay chaste until the wedding . Like I said , there's plenty of Maddy here . She was not merely beautiful , but also a great little actress . Her scenes with Phillips have fire in them . It is good to see Henry showing a different side to his character - the heartless seducer suddenly develops a strong moral conscience . Funniest moment - the twist ending . Spotting nerdy Peter holding hands with his wife Carol , the penny drops for Henry ! |
401,555 | 7,743,887 | 63,469 | 9 | G-d is Alive & Well & Living In A Sugar Cube ! | I was not sure whether I would like this . I was possibly expecting another ' Zabriskie Point ' - loud , long , pretentious - but instead came away pleasantly surprised . It was one of several ' 60's films to depict ordinary people losing faith with the materialistic world and joining the counter-culture , others include Peter Sellers in ' I Love You Alice B . Toklas ' , Bob Hope in ' How To Commit Marriage ' , and a fair portion of ' The President's Analyst ' with James Coburn . But those were comedies , whereas ' Psych-Out ' is ( depending on your point of view , anyway ) not . The late Susan Strasberg plays ' Jenny Davis ' , a repressed young deaf woman who runs away from home to join up with her brother Steve ( Bruce Dern ) , who lives somewhere in the Haight-Ashbury district of San Francisco , calls himself ' The Seeker ' and annoys locals by making anti-Vietnam war speeches . Jenny throws in her lot with a struggling rock band , led by the aptly-named ' Stoney ' ( Jack Nicholson ) . They indoctrinate her into their way of life . " Money ? " , says Stoney , " You don't need too much of it around here ! " . Jenny is soon wearing colourful clothes and sharing Stoney's bed . Their relationship is platonic at first , but she eventually gives in . In an amusing scene in a scrapyard , Jenny finds her brother's car , but then she and the others are ambushed by local men , who try to rape her . One of the hippies has taken L . S . D . and seeing the thugs as medieval dragons , beats the life out of them . I do not know how accurate a portrayal of 1968 this was . The only hippies I encountered that year were those student teachers from the local tech who came to school once a month to teach art . My friends and I liked them because they looked nice , were more cheerful than the regular teachers , and if our work was not up to standard , did not yell at us . ' Psych-Out''s hippies are altogether in a different league , of course . But I liked the fact that they were not patronised . Indeed the non-hippies are the ' villains ' . Drugs are on show , with at least two major characters experiencing bad trips ; a man in an art gallery sees his friends as hideous monsters , and almost cuts off one of his hands with a power saw . The other is Jenny , given drugs without her knowledge by Dave ( Dean Stockwell ) . Alone in the street at night when the hallucinations start , she sees the whole world erupting into flame . The film is well made , with good performances , particularly by Nicholson . Even here you could tell he was a star waiting to happen . Bruce Dern's ' Steve ' is really creepy , his bad home life has driven him to drugs . You expect him to do something insane and sure enough , he does , committing suicide in front of his sister . The main flaw is the climax . Just how did Jenny get into the centre of a busy freeway whilst high on drugs ? The film ends so quickly you wonder if the final scene was lost . Music by ' The Seeds ' and ' The Strawberry Alarm Clock ' . The latter's ' Incense & Peppermints ' was re-used in the first ' Austin Powers ' movie . An interesting film , overall . Certainly not a commercial for recreational drugs use , the opposite in fact ! |
401,439 | 7,743,887 | 74,045 | 9 | Hear The Phantom Of The Opera Sing A Haunting Melody | ' Rentaghost ' was a children's comedy series by Bob Block , who also wrote the equally bizarre ' Pardon My Genie ' and ' Robert's Robots ' . It concerned an employment agency , run and staffed by three ghosts - trendy Fred Mumford , Victorian Hubert Davenport and jester Timothy Claypole . All used to ' teleport ' by pinching their noses ! Their landlord , and frequent victim , was Mr . Meaker . Each week , the Rentaghost gang would try their hand at something new - a taxi service , furniture removals , or entertaining hospital patients - usually with disastrous results . Mr . Claypole was always misinterpreting instructions - once , when asked to help Fred's parents move house - he did exactly that . Another story had Mr . Meaker turn into a budgie , and in yet another , his wife became a cocker spaniel . Whenever the doorbell rang , she barked ! Fred's parents didn't know their son was dead - he was killed whilst working abroad - hence on home visits , he had to throw Mother's dinners away ( ghosts don't eat ) . All very silly , but done with great panache . And it had one of the greatest theme tunes ever ! |
401,269 | 7,743,887 | 70,289 | 9 | A Very Tasty World ! | The early-to-mid ' 70's saw a glut of movies predicting a pessimistic future for Mankind ; ' Soylent Green ' , ' No Blade Of Grass ' , ' A Clockwork Orange ' , ' Logan's Run ' , the ' Planet Of The Apes ' sequels and this , based on a Michael Moorcock novel . Jon Finch stars as Jerry Cornelius , Nobel Prize winner , rock star and secret agent , who embarks on a quest to free his beloved sister from the clutches of his evil brother Frank . The world Cornelius inhabits is the Swinging Sixties writ large ; recreational drug use , rampant sexual promiscuity , and lack of respect for authority are rife . Writer , set designer and director Robert Fuest had worked on the ' Avengers ' television series , and it shows . The sets are dazzling , the supporting cast good , and despite its pessimistic theme the film manages to be fun . Jenny Runacre steals the show as the bizarre ' Miss Brunner ' , a freakish mutation who absorbs the bodies of her lovers . You really need to watch this to believe it . Funny , stylish and erotic , its a genuine cult oddity . |
400,910 | 7,743,887 | 665,426 | 9 | Its like Quatermass ! | On September 9th 2008 , an amazing thing happened . I . T . V . actually broadcast a funny comedy show . Unfortunately , it happened to be thirty-eight years old . ' On The Buses ' was the first in a new series devoted to archive sitcoms . A short time ago , I wrote a review of the first episode in which I stated that ' Buses ' would be unlikely to ever be the subject of a ' Dad's Army'-style retrospective . How nice it feels to be proved wrong . The first half was a documentary , not dissimilar in style to the B . B . C . ' s ' Comedy Connections ' series , tracing the history of the show , beginning with creators Ronald Wolfe and Ronald Chesney . After having a huge hit with ' The Rag Trade ' ( co-starring Reg Varney ) , they proposed a sitcom built around bus men . But the B . B . C . thought it had limited scope for comedy , and passed on it . Frank Muir , head of comedy at the fledgling ' London Weekend Television ' , snapped it up . The show was a slow burner , but by the third series in 1970 had established itself as one of I . T . V . ' s biggest audience pullers , its popularity extending to the cinema , comics and board games . Seven seasons were made in a five year period . Interviewed were Wolfe & Chesney , Ursula Mohan ( who played clippie ' Joyce ' ) , George Layton ( who co-penned some of the later shows with Jonathan Lynn ) , and Anna Karen . Reg Varney appeared in fan club footage from 2004 . Their comments were interesting . There was a nice tribute paid to Bob Grant . Unfortunately , also around were June Sarpong M . B . E . , Ian Wright and Antony Cotton . Why ? Sarpong , who was born in 1977 ( four years after the show ended ) , acted as though she was an expert on old school comedy . Wright wondered aloud why ' Chalkie ' was not called by a different name , such as Derek . I yelled back : " Because ' Chalkie ' was a common nick-name for black workers in those days , just as ' Lofty ' was for a lot of white men ! " . The ' political correctness ' issue was brought up . Did anyone seriously expect Wolfe and Chesney in 1969 to be able to guess the shape of comedy in 2008 ? I got the impression none of this trio had ever sat through an episode in their lives , and were shown clips only minutes before commenting on the show . The tired old anecdote about how the ' On The Buses ' movie outgrossed ' Diamonds Are Forever ' was trotted out yet again . Hardly surprising , it opened in December 1971 , while ' Buses ' came out in July . Sitcom adaptations were timed to come out in the summer , so that in seaside towns they could act as a stand-by for holidaymakers if the British weather was poor . Anyway , apart from a few naff bits , the documentary was mostly interesting . We then moved onto a complete episode - ' Brew It Yourself ' from the third season . Stan's latest hobby is home-brewing - making his own beer in his Mum's kitchen . When first unveiled , it looks revolting , but he tries some and likes it so much he has glass after glass . When he goes back to the depot , he is incapable of driving . Thinking he has a perfect excuse for sacking Stan , Blakey prepares to administer a breathalyser test . . . A good episode ( though there are better ones ) . Funniest moment - Stan trying to hold his breath so the crystals in the breathalyser fail to turn green . The breathalyser actually breaks ( twice ) , and I am sure this was not meant to happen . Credit to Reg for not spoiling the scene by laughing . I . T . V . should now consider repeating the whole series ( though I doubt that they will ) . Further shows in the ' Comedy Classics ' will include ' Duty Free ' , ' Brass ' , ' The New Statesman ' , and ( and I am really looking forward to this one ) ' Doctor In The House ' . Let us hope that Sarpong and co . are mercifully absent from these . |
401,088 | 7,743,887 | 665,425 | 9 | Cold Turkey For The Butlers ! | 1971 saw ' On The Buses ' reach its peak in terms of popularity . Season 4 spilled over from the year before , bringing many fine episodes like ' Cover Up ' and ' Not Tonight ' . The release of the first movie , which became the highest grosser in the U . K . Season 5 appeared in the autumn , and was lapped up by a grateful public . To those perplexed by the popularity of this show , the answer is this - not only was it funny , but the characters were so well depicted the viewers came to think of them almost as friends . We have all met or know of a cheeky chappy like Jack , an over-protective parent such as ' Mum ' , and a frumpy housewife akin to Olive . Bossy authority figures such as Blakey continue to exist to this day ( unfortunately ) . The year was rounded off by this enjoyable episode , in which Arthur's mother and sister Linda come to stay with the Butlers for a week . Linda is attracted to any man she meets ; she immediately has the hots for Jack , and later Stan ( technically , this is incest , but we'll let that pass ) . At the Boxing Day Social , Arthur tries to keep Jack and Linda apart , and urges Olive to intervene . But she gets drunk and after a blowsy clippie shows interest in her husband makes an exhibition of herself . Taking Mrs . Rudge around the buses , Blakey is horrified to find Stan and Linda in one , the latter minus her tights . . . Helen Fraser plays lascivious ' Linda ' ; best known to comedy fans as ' Lil ' in the Lampwick sketches in ' The Dick Emery Show ' , and ' Dr . Mary Bingham ' in ' Doctor In Charge ' . Though she is excellent here , she went on to belittle ' On The Buses ' in an interview published in ' T . V . & Satellite Weekly ' in 2005 . " It was a terrible show . " , she said . " Goodness knows why it was so successful . " . And this from one of the cast of ' Bad Girls ' . Funniest moment - Olive getting drunk at the Social , and trying to show Arthur up by lifting her skirt . Good thing she remembered to put underwear on that morning . Complements of the season to all I . M . D . B . users ( even those who hate me ) , and , in particular ' Jackm-15 ' and ' Deathmark VIII ' . Keep those splendid reviews coming , fellers ! |
400,630 | 7,743,887 | 1,008,108 | 9 | The A-Team are back in business ! | ' Life On Mars ' starred John Simm as ' Sam Tyler ' , a detective who rather improbably is hurled back to 1973 as the result of a car accident , where he joins forces with the hard-as-nails ' D . C . I . Gene Hunt ' and his cohorts Ray Carling ( Dean Andrews ) and Chris Skelton ( Marshall Lancaster ) . The show's blend of nostalgia and fast moving action made it a huge hit , but after two seasons it ended ( Simm being keen to move on ) . The only way forward seemed to be to make a spin-off . But ' Ashes To Ashes ' was more of a carbon copy ; ' D . I . Alex Drake ' ( Keeley Hawes ) is shot at close range by a maniac , and blasted back to 1981 , where Hunt and the boys have relocated to London from Manchester . The show initially provoked criticism from ' Mars ' fans , many of whom were upset at the substitution of Tyler by Drake , and the changing of the time period ( I enjoyed the ' 80's , even though I despised Thatcher and Reagan ! ) . Hawes in particular was ( unfairly ) singled out for much of the blame for the show's perceived shortcomings . If ' The Sweeney ' was the template for ' Mars ' , then surely ' Ashes To Ashes ' must have been looking in the direction of ' The Gentle Touch ' , an ( altogether less violent ) I . T . V . police drama of the early ' 80's that starred Jill Gascoigne as ' D . C . I . Maggie Forbes ' . ' Ashes ' tries to replicate that earlier show's fiery combination of woman detective with a social conscience and uncouth male colleague . ' Drake ' came across as a right know-it-all in the early episodes ; sneeringly addressing Hunt and co . as ' imaginary constructs ' and even laughing when a dog died , but over time she has grown on me . Replacing Liz White's ' Annie ' we have the charmingly-named Monserrat Lombard as ' Shaz ' Granger , Chris ' girlfriend . I like ' Ashes To Ashes ' ( as I write it it is currently in his second and if the reports are correct final ) run , but it has unfortunately suffered from having to boldly go where its predecessor went first . I wish the producers had been a bit more adventurous . They could have retained the ' 70's setting ( Hunt seems a little uncomfortable in the era of Bucks Fizz and Rubik's Cubes ) , focusing the show more on Gene and the boys , and less on Drake . It is a little annoying to see Philip Glenister relegated to a supporting role in what is meant to be his series . I hope they will come up with an original conclusion rather than simply rehashing the ending of the last episode of ' Mars ' . |
400,940 | 7,743,887 | 665,457 | 9 | When Arthur Met Olive ! | Arthur comes home drunk and gets a rocket from a curler-headed Olive . Its their wedding anniversary , and he has completely forgotten it . At the bus depot the next day , Stan accidentally ruins Blakey's uniform with a pot of paint . When the inspector boasts that he never used to wreck buses when he was a driver , Stan reminds him of the day Jack first joined the Luxton bus company . . . An enjoyable episode this , notably mainly for the flashbacks to 1963 , showing Stan and Jack meeting for the first time , and Olive meeting her future husband Arthur . . Blakey and Stan appear to have had a close friendship akin to the one Stan later had with Jack . Its only when Blakey ( or ' Cyril ' as Stan called him then ) gets promoted to Inspector does the animosity begin . Blakey is no longer ' one of us ' , but ' one of them ' . When Stan accidentally pours Olive's trifle over his new uniform , Blakey delivers the ominous warning : " You know , Butler , I think I'm beginning to hate you ! " . Arthur's first appearance in the Butler household is a real hoot : he has a full head of hair and claims to be a doctor . Olive is sporting a beehive hairdo . When Mum catches Arthur in bed with Olive ( he had wandered into the wrong bedroom by mistake ) , she insists that he do the decent thing and marry her daughter . Poor Arthur . No wonder he always looked so glum . Funniest moment - the aforementioned trifle sequence ! |
401,568 | 7,743,887 | 665,442 | 9 | I only came round for tea and toast ! | Fed up at the constant bickering between Olive and Arthur , Stan resolves to do something about it . A marriage guidance councillor suggests Olive try a change of image to make her more sexually alluring . When Arthur comes home , he is astounded to find his wife , tarted up like Mae West , alone in the parlour , the lights off . He collapses with laughter . Stan next tries to make Arthur jealous by getting him to think she is having an affair . Blakey is the unwitting dupe in the grand scheme . . . George Layton and Jonathan Lynn were in great demand in the early ' 70's both as actors ( the former was a regular in L . W . T . ' s ' Doctor ' series until 1974 ) and writers ( penning ' Nearest & Dearest ' amongst other things ) . This strong episode puts the regulars to good use , particularly Michael Robbins and Anna Karen , and makes Arthur's abrupt departure the following year all the more credible . Future ' Coronation Street ' heart-throb Johnny Briggs is seen as a ' Jack The Lad ' window cleaner , who inadvertently blunders into Stan and Jack's plan . Funniest moment - Arthur finding Blakey in the parlour with Olive , and jumping to the wrong conclusion ! |
401,401 | 7,743,887 | 665,446 | 9 | All Dressed Up With . . . | Stan and Jack plan a naughty night in with two sexy clippies whilst Mum , Arthur and Olive are at Aunt Maud's . There's just one snag - Arthur's motorbike is in urgent need of repair . In desperation , Stan smuggles into the depot the bracket used to hold the bike to the sidecar so that Jack can perform an impromptu welding job . But will the bracket hold ? ' On The Buses ' kicked off its fourth season with this amiable episode . By now the cast were well acquainted with their characters and viewers knew just what to expect . As a result of its success , the cast were invited onto other shows ; for instance , Anna Karen appeared as ' Olive ' on ' The Max Bygraves Show ' , while Stephen Lewis ' ' Blakey ' ( rather improbably ) sang a duet with Cilla Black on her B . B . C . - 1 series ! Mike Yarwood included ' Blakey ' as part of his repertoire for a time . Funniest moment - Stan trying to fit Mum's plant in the sidecar . Closing the door , he lops the heads off ! |
400,954 | 7,743,887 | 1,200,507 | 9 | Love & Marriage | It is two weeks since the new intake of ' erks ' arrived at R . A . F . Skelton , and they have finally gotten used to their new environment . They do not like it , but have gotten used to it . They are allowed to attend ( except for Leckie , who is confined to barracks ) a local dance . But it proves a disappointment . The women there are unattractive . Jakey spots a stunning blonde sitting all by herself , asks her for a dance , and she accepts . Later they retreat to the bar for a quiet drink . What he does not know is that she is Alice , Corporal Marsh's wife . . . Good episode , with the ' erks ' mixing with the locals for once . Richardson describes Skelton as ' the place where ' The Quatermass Experiment ' started , a reference to the notorious B . B . C . sci-fi thriller that kept the nation in suspense . The scenes in this and other editions where Marsh is putty in the hands of Alice provide a nice contrast to those in the barracks where he comes across as a bawling bully . The attractive Lori Wells ( who reminds me very much of Tracy-Ann Oberman from ' Big Train ' ) appeared in other sitcoms over the years , including three roles in ' In Loving Memory ' . Funniest moment - a drunken Marsh thanking ' C ' Flight for listening sympathetically to his marital problems ( Jakey in particular ! ) . |
401,668 | 7,743,887 | 1,200,509 | 9 | Nailed ! | Poor Lilley . He can do nothing right , and with every mistake he makes Corporal Marsh takes it out on the rest of ' C Flight ' by making them do extra ' Bull ' . The pressure he is under is enormous . Things come to a head when Marsh tells him to recite a dirty joke , and he refuses to do so . In fact he won't so much as utter a mild cuss . Furious , Marsh nails him to the floor of the ' erks ' quarters . Much as I love the show , I found watching this episode again a pretty uncomfortable experience . Lilley's good manners and sincerely held Christian beliefs predictably make him a prime target for a fascist like Marsh , but the others in ' C Flight ' , even the normally level-headed Ken , learn to hate him for all the extra ' Bull ' he has inadvertently inflicted on them . It is far worse than the pressure Leckie was under when he was thought to have committed suicide . My main reason for not laughing much was that it brought back memories of school . A friend in my class , Andrew Szabo , was a dead ringer for Lilley and whenever he entered The Registration Room in the mornings , another boy by the name of Barry Roberts ( I name and shame the little devil ! ) would imitate Corporal Marsh and call out : " Lilley ! Stand by your bed ! " . Poor Andrew suffered this every day for a full term . Kids , eh ? Lilley would appear to be the author of his own misfortunes ( all he has to do is say ' blimey ! ' ) but even so I could not help but feel sorry for him . He should never have been considered suitable for conscription . David Quilter makes his debut as ' Flight-Lieutenant Grant ' , who applauds Lilley for not naming his tormentor . Great performance by Gerard Ryder by the way . What a shame he left the acting profession ( according to ' The News Of The World ' ) to become a plumber ! Funniest moment - Jakey using a ballpoint pen to illustrate what he intends doing with his girlfriend Edna in her mother's front room ! |
400,655 | 7,743,887 | 162,121 | 9 | Years Ahead Of Its Time | Long before the onset of multi-channel television , this short-lived sitcom provided a glimpse of things to come . Clifford Turnbull , a pompous ex-army major , is hired by Sir Zachary Stein , chairman of Pentagon Television , to boost the small station's flagging ratings . He tries to run it like a military operation - slashing budgets , sacking staff , stealing credit for other people's ideas and coming up with inane ones of his own . Everything he touches turns to disaster ; for example , a ' This Is Your Life'-styled show ends with the victim's family brawling live on air . He is not helped by the fact that the channel is virtually a talent-free zone . Michael Bates and Raymond Huntley headed up the cast , which included Liz Fraser , Jonathan Lynn and Roddy Maude-Roxby . Ken Hoare and Mike Sharland's scripts were more satirical than was the norm for I . T . V . sitcoms of the period , which probably explains why Yorkshire Television buried it in an obscure time slot . It developed a cult following ( it was rumoured Alan Bennett was a fan ) , but that was not enough to save it . The premise would later be revisited in Eric Idle's ' Rutland Weekend Television ' and ' K . Y . T . V . ' staring Angus Deayton . It would be fascinating to see ' Turnbull's Finest Half-Hour ' again after all this time , just to see how much of its prophecies have come to pass . |
400,627 | 7,743,887 | 62,625 | 9 | Only Cynthia Knows . . . | In 1979 , Dudley Moore starred in ' 10 ' , written and directed by Blake Edwards , about the angst of a man approaching forty . It was hugely successful and made him a star . But a decade earlier , he had starred in and co-written ( with Joe McGrath and the late John Wells ) ' 30 Is A Dangerous Age Cynthia ' , about the angst of a man approaching thirty . Nightclub pianist Rupert Street dreams of being both married and a successful composer . Rather improbably , his dreams begin to come true almost simultaneously . Firstly , he meets and falls for the stunningly beautiful teacher Louise Hammond ( Suzy Kendall ) . Secondly , some shady theatrical types - among them Jonathan Routh of ' Candid Camera ' fame - commission him to write a new West End musical ! In search of inspiration , Rupert and his friend Oscar travel to Ireland where from the lips of a dying man they hear the incredible tale of ' The Golden Legend Of Erin ' . It begins with the words : ' long , long ago , when there were still snakes in Ireland . . . ! ' . Rupert uses the story as the basis for his show . But , on returning to London , he finds his beloved Louise has grown impatient with waiting for him and moved out of Mrs . Woolley's boarding house . Desperate to find and marry her before his 30th birthday , Rupert hires private eye Herbert Greenslade ( the brilliant John Bird ) . . . The first thing to be said about this film is that its no ' Bedazzled ' . Dud may have been a better actor than Pete , but could not hold a candle to him when it came to writing . Allegedly a fair amount of autobiographical material went into the script . Dud originally wanted the film to centre on Rupert's music , his marriage was only included at the request of the producer , wishing to give the plot a romantic angle . No-one liked it when it came out - audiences were not used to seeing Dud without Pete . As well as being a Swinging Sixties romantic comedy , it also attacked the cult of celebrity ( as it looked in 1968 ) . Producer Walter Shenson had just made two films with The Beatles , and wanted something in a similar vein . Joe McGrath had worked with Moore on the ' Not Only But Also ' television series , and was the first director on the madcap ' Casino Royale ' spoof . To tie-in with its release in the U . K . , Panther Books brought out a strange novelisation by ' brilliant American humorist ' ( as it says on the inside cover ) Stanley Reynolds . I say strange because it seems to bear little resemblance to the script on which its based ! Moore here proved he could carry a film without Peter Cook , and the wonderful supporting cast includes Eddie Foy Jr . , Patricia Routledge , John Bird and ( in his last movie ) Duncan Macrae . Suzy Kendall ( then Mrs . Moore ) looks incredible in her ' 60's dolly-bird gear ! Its flawed of course ; Joe McGrath smothers the flimsy storyline with overdone ' Billy Liar ' style fantasy sequences such as the stock car race and Beethoven spoof . Some of the musical numbers ( ' The Real Stuff ' anyone ? ) are horrid . Its hard not to think : ' ego trip ' . But as ego trips go , its an engaging one , non-malicious , charming , and full of gentle nostalgia for Swinging London . Even if it wasn't like that , who cares ? They don't make ' em like this anymore . A must for Dudley Moore fans . |
401,089 | 7,743,887 | 62,592 | 9 | You Knock-Kneed , Knackered Old Nose-Bag ! | Brother and sister Nellie and Eli Pledge are joint owners of ' Pledge's Purer Pickles ' , based in Colne , Lancashire . They are complete opposites - she is a spinster prone to malapropisms ( " And what are you incinerating ? " ) , while he is fond of beer , betting and women . The workforce consists largely of smelly old men such as Stan and Grenville . Popping up every now and then are cousins Lily ( " Coooo-eeeee ! " ) and Walter , the latter particularly looking as though he's died but doesn't know it . And before you ask , yes , he's been . This popular Vince Powell and Harry Driver creation provided an excellent vehicle for Hylda Baker and Jimmy Jewel , who played a kind of Northern ' Odd Couple ' . Rumour has it they hated each other in real life . It hardly matters as their on-screen characters weren't fond of one another either . The show was a must for lovers of earthy Northern humour . ' Carry On ' star Peter Butterworth guested in the episode ' Now Is The Hour ' . Favourite episode - ' The Ghost Of Picklers Past ' in which a skull is found in the pickle factory . Great seance scene ! Second favourite episode - ' Cindernellie ' . You haven't lived until you've seen Walter as the Fairy Godmother ! |
401,689 | 7,743,887 | 260,640 | 9 | And The First Caller is . . . | Before B . B . C . morning television was overrun with makeover and confrontation programmes , ' Open Air ' reigned supreme . Presented in the same infuriatingly cheerful manner as Noel Edmonds ' ' Swap Shop ' , it allowed viewers to express their opinions of television programmes on air , as well as chat to actors , writers and producers . Some were very forthright indeed , as the producer of ' Rockcliffe's Babies ' found to his cost when one woman angrily denounced his show as ' crap ' . Mike Shaft and Natalie Anglesey ( where are they now ? ) manned the phone lines , and this being the late ' 80's there was plenty on the box to get viewers steamed up , including ' The Singing Detective ' , ' The Monocled Mutineer ' , ' The Life & Loves Of A She-Devil ' and , of course , ' Spitting Image ' . The main presenters were Bob Wellings and the late Pattie Coldwell . Some of the viewers ' queries boggled the mind ; an old lady wondered if the winners on ' Bullseye ' got to take home a car each ; asked if the B . B . C . had plans to release ' Out Of Town ' on V . H . S . , Jack Hargreaves replied that it was unlikely seeing how the show originally went out on I . T . V . ; Sharon Gless ( from ' Cagney & Lacey ' ) was asked how ' Mary-Beth ' was keeping . " Tyne Daly is fine ! " , retorted Sharon . A caller objected to a showing of the movie ' Poltergeist ' on the grounds that it might encourage children to become ' possessed ' . ' Dr . Who ' writer Jane Baker was brassed off by a fan ( Chris Chibnall , later to write for the show ) who called one of her scripts ' routine ' . But it had its heart in the right place and it was fun seeing the likes of Michael Grade squirm as viewers vented their spleens . ' Open Air ' was axed in the early ' 90's to make way for the ghastly ' Good Morning With Anne & Nick ' . Pity . As programme standards decline on a weekly basis , we badly need something like it now . |
401,200 | 7,743,887 | 65,648 | 9 | You've Done It Again , Haven't You , Whiskers ? | The last ' Doctor ' film is basically a hybrid of ' Doctor At Sea ' and ' Doctor In Clover ' , as once again Phillips wants desperately to get married so he can qualify for a top medical job in America . He tries to propose to his girlfriend Ophelia , but gets knocked unconscious and becomes an accidental stowaway on the cruise liner she is travelling on . By 1970 the series was identical to the ' Carry On ' films in every respect , even Eric Rogers provided the music . That said , ' Trouble ' is enormous fun to watch . The cast are good ; Simon Dee is not at all bad as a vain television star , while Harry Secombe steals the show as the loudmouthed pools winner ' Wendover ' . The most interesting moment comes when Phillips has a brief chat with a nameless doctor played by Geoffrey Davies . Its never established but he's obviously meant to be ' Dick Stuart-Clark ' , the character he played in L . W . T . ' s ' Doctor ' series . The scene suggests that a movie version based on the television show was on the cards . Strangely , it never happened . |
401,410 | 7,743,887 | 51,084 | 9 | Carry On Sweating ! | One type of movie we Brits used to do really well was the ' B ' movie . In the ' 50's and ' 60's , British studios churned out dozens of supporting features , inexpensively produced , often featuring actors of whom no-one had ever heard , and while being far from masterpieces they proved very enjoyable . ' Time Lock ' was one such picture . Based on a play by Arthur Hailey ( author of ' Airport ' ) , it tells the story of a little boy who accidentally gets trapped in a bank vault , and of the numerous attempts to rescue him . Robert Beatty heads the cast , which features a young Sean Connery as one of the would-be rescuers . What's surprising is that the picture was directed by Gerald Thomas , future ' Carry On ' director . He brings a Hitchcock-like feel to the story , and one wishes he'd made a few more films in this vein . ' Time Lock ' is above average , and worth catching if it comes round on television . The person who likened the film to ' Plan 9 From Outer Space ' deserves to be locked in a vault himself . The only thing they have in common is they are both in black and white ! |
401,308 | 7,743,887 | 516,875 | 9 | Tara Steps Back In Time | Linda Thorson regards ' Pandora ' as her favourite ' Avengers ' episode , and it is not hard to see why . Visiting an antiques shop to buy a rare clock , Tara is kidnapped by the Lasindall brothers - Rupert ( Julian Glover ) and Henry ( James Cossins ) . She awakens in a beautifully furnished bedroom . People address her by the name ' Pandora ' . It appears to be sometime around the First World War . Meanwhile , Steed searches for his missing partner . The only clue is a document dropped by one of her kidnappers that makes mention of ' The Fierce Rabbit ' , a British agent who operated in France in The Great War . Steed goes to the archives and finds that it was the codename of Gregory Lasindall ( Peter Madden ) , now elderly and senile . Lasindall's crafty nephews are out to trick him into disclosing the whereabouts of his vast fortune by first making him think his beloved Pandora is still alive . Pandora is a double for Tara King . . . Brian Clemens ' script is a virtual remake of his ' Adam Adamant Lives ! ' adventure ' A Slight Case Of Reincarnation ' . Adamant himself was the one hoodwinked on that occasion , though the villains ' motives were entirely different . Julian Glover was a familiar face in ' The Avengers ' universe , having appeared in ' Three's A Crowd ' , ' The Living Dead ' , and ' Split ! ' , the latter from the same season . John Laurie was too , his previous outings include ' Brief For Murder ' and ' A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Station ' . Thorson gets one of her best roles as Tara attempts to maintain her identity despite the Lasindall's brothers ' attempts to pump her full of drugs and persuade her she really is Pandora . Robert Fuest , the director , started on ' The Avengers ' as a designer . He said years later that he loved working on the show as it freed him from what he called ' the tyranny of common sense ' , meaning it allowed him to experiment with bizarre ideas and offbeat visuals . |
401,234 | 7,743,887 | 64,699 | 9 | Tell The Critics To Buzz Off ! | 1944 ; the Nazis are sending V-2's ( flying bombs ) to London . These have an unnerving tendency to fall silent just before they hit , meaning that no-one in the capital can be sure exactly where they will next strike . This is an impressive opening indeed , and would have been even more so had it not been lifted wholesale from the middle section of ' Operation Crossbow ' , made by M . G . M . four years before . Those gallant lads of the R . A . F . ' Mosquito Squadron ' swing into action . Headed by the wonderfully-named Squadron Leader Quint Monroe ( David McCallum ) they bomb the launching pads . But a surprise Messerschmitt attack results in Monroe losing his best friend ' Scotty ' ( David Buck ) . The Squadron Leader is given the duty of imparting the bad news to Scotty's widow Beth ( Suzanne Neve ) . Not only is she beautiful but apparently telepathic - as soon as Quint approaches she bursts into tears and runs from the room , and he has not said a word ! She recovers and then both are are going for long drives in the country in his sporty red M . G . Though the V-2 launching pads are now gone , the crisis is not yet over as the Nazis are busy developing V-3 and V-4 rockets , using Chavron Château in France as a headquarters , and the Mosquitoes are given the job of bombing the place . Obviously those fellers at The War Office are huge ' Star Wars ' fans because their favoured method involves dropping a bouncing bomb ( based on an idea by Barnes Wallis ) down a narrow tunnel . With only nine days to go , Monroe and co . begin training . They are not very good though ( The Force is never around when you need it ) . Just as they get the hang of things , disaster strikes . German planes attack an airfield , dropping a box that turns out to contain a roll of film ( someone says ' its a roll of film ! ' which is helpful to those of us who have no idea what a roll of film looks like ) . On it is footage of British P . O . W . ' s , some from the Squadron itself . The Nazis have placed the men in close proximity to Chavron , hoping to use them as human shields . Particularly worrying for Monroe is the fact that Scotty is among them . . . ' Mosquito Squadron ' was originally conceived as a sequel to the popular ' 633 Squadron ' ( 1964 ) starring Cliff Robertson . Presumably this was changed out of reluctance on the part of Oakmont Productions to pay Frederick E . Smith royalties . Like that movie , it has a paper-thin plot , one-dimensional characters , repetitive battle scenes , and good music . Some of the shots in the film ( those not from ' Operation Crossbow ' ) came from that earlier picture . McCallum was a hot property then thanks to ' The Man From U . N . C . L . E . ' , but somehow his popularity never translated into bums on cinema seats . The director , the late Boris Sagal , directed several ' U . N . C . L . E . ' episodes . Not being an expert on W . W . 2 , I cannot say with absolute certainty that this is embarrassingly inaccurate , but we do not see David McCallum sending text messages to The War Office , and that's enough for me . What it has going for it are a refreshing lack of forced jingoism , and the absence of an American star in the lead . I note that some of the sniffy reviews to be found here are by Americans . I presume they are unused to watching a war movie in which one of their countrymen does not save the day . You can summarise the plot thus ; Blighty is in peril , only the Mosquitoes can save us , and , after a long struggle , they do . That's about it . Characterisation is virtually non-existent , and the Nazis are treated basically as machine gun fodder . But it affords the same pleasure as an old ' Hotspur ' Annual . Some great British actors decorate this epic - Charles Gray , Robert Urquhart , Dinsdale Landen , McCallum himself , Nicky Henson , and there's a fleeting glimpse of future ' Doctor In The House ' star George Layton ! If all you want from a war movie is entertainment , and aren't too bothered by whether it sticks to the facts , give this one a whirl . I would sooner watch it than sit through all three bum-numbing hours of ' Saving Private Spielberg ' ( or whatever its called ) again . |
400,870 | 7,743,887 | 60,857 | 9 | Holiday resort ? This is the last resort ! | Following ' The Early Bird ' in 1966 , Norman Wisdom split with producer Hugh Stewart ( who went on to bring Morecambe & Wise to the big screen ) , and teamed with Robert Hartford-Davis and Peter Newbrook , later to make exploitation pictures such as ' Incense For The Damned ' and ' Corruption ' . Norman's first work for them was a cameo as a boxing priest in the Michael Bentine comedy ' The Sandwich Man ' . ' Press For Time ' was the second Norman Wisdom film ( the first being ' Girl On The Boat ' ) to be adapted from a published source - in this case Angus McGill's ' Yea ! Yea ! Yea ! ' . I have never read it , so cannot comment . Norman plays ' Norman Shields ' , a Westminster newspaper seller . In a nod to the Peter Sellers comedies , he also plays a number of members of the Shields family , including the current Prime Minister , a doddery old fool obviously based on Harold Macmillan . The Tories are in power ( unlike the real 1966 , where Harold Wilson was residing at No . 10 ) . The P . M . pulls strings to get Norman a job as reporter on ' The Tinmouth Times ' , a local paper in a seaside town in the West Country . No sooner has he gotten off the train than he becomes embroiled in a war between ruling Labour Mayor Aldeman Corcoran ( Derek Francis ) and the editor of the ' Tinmouth Times ' , Tory M . P . Major Bartlett ( Derek Bond ) . Norman falls for glamorous reporter Eleanor ( Angela Browne ) , but she ( unsurprisingly ) is disinterested , reserving her charms for the Major . In anticipation of the Tory sex scandals of the ' 90's , the Major is also having it away with his secretary Ruby ( Tracey Crisp ) and rigs a beauty contest so that she will win . Of course Norman is having none of this and changes the result , favouring Corcoran's mousy daughter Liz ( Frances White ) . The trouble with the film is that the political satire sits uneasily alongside Norman's familiar brand of slapstick . Norman's plea for harmony from the major parties is , as you would expect , contrived , but there is a very funny scene at a council meeting , and the first speaker is the legendary Stanley Unwin , the man who raised gibberish to an art form . The seaside town setting , the cynical manipulation of the democratic system by self-centred politicians , and the trampling-on of local concerns were themes explored in an earlier British movie - Tony Hancock's brilliant ' The Punch & Judy Man ' . Other classic Norman ' moments ' include him flying backwards through the air when a bundle of newspapers comes his way , getting his bike caught on a light fitting , the destruction of a house on a newly-built estate , the afore-mentioned council meeting degenerating into a fight , and the collapsing of a stage full of local dignitaries . Best of all is Norman's commandeering of a double-decker bus in the pursuit of his stolen bicycle . The sped-up footage is accompanied by a jaunty Mike Vickers tune , features lovely old Gordon Rollings as the conductor , and must rank as one of the best scenes in any Wisdom picture . Norman dispensed with his regular supporting players Edward Chapman and Jerry Desmonde , bringing in the likes of Allan Cuthbertson and Peter Jones , but alas , time really was up . His next appearance on the big screen would be an Oscar-nominated supporting role in ' The Night They Raided Minsky's ' in 1968 . He tried his hand at a sex comedy a year later in ' What's Good For The Goose ' , but it was no use . The movie-going public had had enough . He then moved to television - ' Norman ' , ' Nobody Is Norman Wisdom ' and ' A Little Bit Of Wisdom ' , all for A . T . V . Though the last of these ended in 1976 , Norman has rarely been off the box since , thanks to the continued popularity of his films with successive generations . |
401,426 | 7,743,887 | 62,573 | 9 | The Schoolboy Spy ! | If you were male , between the ages 9-12 , wore spectacles , and attended British schools in the late ' 60's / early ' 70's , the chances were you were saddled with the unfortunate nickname ' Joe 90 ' . Bullies relentlessly taunted poor kids with that moniker , at least until 1975 when the I . T . V . sitcom ' Get Some In ! ' began . Then they would be rechristened ' Matthew Lilley ' ( in honour of one of its characters ) . For the uninitiated , ' Joe 90 ' was a ' Supermarionation ' production made by Gerry and Sylvia Anderson , their first since ' Captain Scarlet & The Mysterons ' . Nine year old Joe McClaine is an agent for W . I . N . ( World Intelligence Network ) , run by Shane Weston . Joe's father , a brilliant scientist , has created a device called B . I . G . R . A . T . which stores brain patterns on computer tape and transfers them to people . Each week , in the course of an assignment , Joe would be given the brain patterns of either a racing driver , cat burglar , nuclear physicist etc . The thinking was that little Joe's age made him an unlikely ( and therefore useful ) candidate for the job of spy . The drawback was he would have to wear glasses at all times . If he lost these ( and frequently did ) , he would also lose the skill needed for the job . Little Joe had had a largely undeserved bad press over the years , reaching its height in when John Major was British Prime Minister . Barry Gray came up with a magnificently catchy theme , the sets ( particularly the spinning B . I . G . R . A . T . ) dazzled , and the writers came up with adventures far beyond the scope of many similar live-action shows . In one episode , Joe went into outer space and , in another , blew up a Red Chinese rocket base . Plots such as these were conspicuously lacking in say ' The Champions ' and ' Mission : Impossible ' . The sex factor was , of course , zero . Joe was too young for it , and no-one else seemed interested in it either ( though I thought there was something suspect about ' Uncle ' Sam Loover ) . It was slightly off in its timing . Spy shows were on the way out . Earlier that year , ' The Man From U . N . C . L . E . ' was cancelled , and ' The Avengers ' would not last much longer . Joe had just missed the boat . I have heard it said children did not take to Joe because he came across as too nice , too much of a daddy's boy . Fair comment . But , had he been presented realistically as a whining , farting , nose-picking brat , he would never have gotten on air . Not at that time , anyway . In the final episode , Joe celebrated his tenth birthday , ruling out the possibility of a sequel . As a title , ' Joe 100 ' did not have quite the same ring , being better suited as an I . M . D . B . user name . Gerry and Sylvia stayed with the world of international espionage for their next show - ' The Secret Service ' - in which the hero was an eccentric priest ( voiced by Stanley Unwin ) who spoke gobble-de-gook and shrank people . There was a fair amount of merchandising . Dinky produced a model of Professor McClaine's flying car and Uncle Sam Loover's . Joe had his own comic - ' Joe 90 Top Secret ' - which is best remembered today for giving the British public a foretaste of ' Star Trek ' . ' Joe ' enjoyed repeats throughout the ' 70's ( usually during school holidays ) and was seen on B . B . C . - 1 in ( ironically ) the ' 90's . If he was not as popular as ' Thunderbirds ' and ' Stingray ' , well , you cannot win them all . If nothing else , he meant that Michael Caine's ' Harry Palmer ' was not the only ' 60's secret agent to wear specs . |
401,037 | 7,743,887 | 516,958 | 9 | Tara Becomes Number Six ! | ' The Avengers ' often went in for gentle mockery of other spy shows . Sometimes it would be reflected in the story titles , such as ' The Girl From Auntie ' and ' Mission : Highly Improbable ' , while ' The Winged Avenger ' cheekily spoofed the ' Batman ' series . ' Wish You Were Here ' was originally titled ' The Prisoner ' , and was a send up of the famous Patrick McGoohan I . T . C . series . Tara's uncle Charles Merryvale ( Liam Redmond ) has been missing for a month . Actually , he is on holiday in a pleasant olde worlde style country hotel . But no-one can reach him there . She goes to see him . He tells her that he - along with a number of other guests - are prisoners . Whenever anyone leaves , a dreadful accident befalls them . To test his theory , she walks out of the door - only to be drenched by water from a window cleaner's bucket . She sends her clothes off to be cleaned , but they return damaged . Putting on a new outfit , she tries to drive off - her car won't start . Meantime , Mother wants Tara for a new assignment with Steed , so dispatches his incompetent nephew Basil Creighton-Latimer ( Brook Williams ) . He too is caught in the spider's web . The hotel is an upmarket prison for wealthy people so that relatives can take control of their business empires . Tara realises that no-one in the place can be trusted . . . Part of the fun of this episode is spotting the references to the McGoohan series - a man behind a stair rail which looks uncannily like prison bars , people riding bikes in good weather , Basil inflating a beach-ball ( the ' Rover ' balloon ) , blow-ups of monochrome photographs ( the ' SpeedLearn ' broadcasts in ' The General ' ) and Mother on a scales that resemble the see-saws used in the Village Control Centre . As Number Six did in ' Fall Out ' , Tara organises a break-out with help from fellow guests . Not surprisingly , the director , Don Chaffey , was responsible for several ' Prisoner ' episodes . The hotel manager , Parker , is played by the late Dudley Foster , an actor who specialised in charming villains , and who would have made an excellent ' Number Two ' . With Steed mainly absent , it is up to Basil to partner Tara . He does not get off to a good start - putting a golf ball into Mother's drink ! One wishes that the ' Prisoner ' allegory had been taken a lot further . Surveillance cameras in the guests ' rooms , for instance . Mother's contribution to the story is minimal . He rants a lot about double agents , but nothing is made of it . An enjoyable romp , all the same . |
401,268 | 7,743,887 | 516,946 | 9 | One Steed Too Many ! | A peace conference is due to take place in a country house somewhere in England . Enemy agents Arcos ( Ray McAnally ) and Zerson ( Norman Jones ) want to sabotage it by creating a double of John Steed , who is there - along with Tara King - as an ' observer ' . Unhappy with the initial result , Arcos orders that the real Steed be kidnapped and brought to him at once . This is then done . But Steed manages to throw a spanner in the works - and suddenly the conference is awash with lookalikes of himself ( does not say much for the security there , does it ? ) who murder each other . Tara is confused , especially as a dead man with Steed's features was found in a hotel room . She joins forces with Baron von Curt ( Ian Ogilvy ) , a dashing Teutonic aristocrat with a fondness for the ladies and sword-fencing . . . Originally to have been filmed on location in Spain ( under the title ' Too Many Oles ' ! ) , this is a sprightly little adventure , benefiting from a great performance by Ray McAnally ( a fabulous actor who died well before his time ) as the villain , and a blonde Ian Ogilvy - a decade before inheriting Roger Moore's halo - as ' von Curt ' . One has to wonder whether the character was in any way inspired by ' Adam Adamant ' , the Victorian adventurer portrayed on B . B . C . - 1 a few years earlier by Gerald Harper ( and for whose series Brian Clemens had written ) . A running gag in the Thorson series was ' Mother ' ( Patrick Newell ) , the head of Steed's department , forever turning up in unusual locations , such as a swimming pool or the top of a double decker bus . Here he is in an underwater office ! Not to be outdone , the villains have an unusual base of their own - beneath an abandoned car in a quarry . Patrick Macnee gets the chance to have some fun playing evil duplicates of his character . The explosion at the end was stock footage - and looks it . I wonder which picture it came from . |
400,717 | 7,743,887 | 750,481 | 9 | Charlie Meets E . T . ! | Finding an extra-terrestrial being in his back garden one morning , Charlie does what any right-thinking person in the same situation would do - he takes it to the Employment Exchange . Mr . Pugh thinks Charlie is playing some bizarre practical joke , but when the E . T . begins melting plastic objects such as pens and a phone , he is reduced to a gibbering , thumb-sucking wreck . Charlie and the E . T . head for the nearest park , where their attempts at communication are mistaken for busking . His hat full of coins , Charlie realises he is on to something . At the London Palladium , crowds of people queue to see a show , and are unexpectedly entertained by Charlie and the E . T . doing their plastic melting act . . . The late Charlie Drake belongs firmly in that category of British comedians whom you either love or hate . The naysayers bracket him in with Norman Wisdom as a typical example of a smug comic who played safe and never took risks with comedy , while his admirers hold him up as a fine example of a knockabout comic who could entertain millions without feeling the need to use profanity or expose parts of his anatomy . Personally , I belong in the latter camp , when Charlie was on the box you could not drag me away from it . Though he was no Chaplin , his slapstick comedy was consistently inventive and amusing . This was one of the last ' Worker ' episodes made , and though until recently I hadn't seen it for nearly forty years I was surprised at how much I remembered . The E . T . looks like what it was - a woman writhing around inside a white sack - but as this is a comedy I did not feel remotely insulted by the cheapness of the S . F . X . Possibly the plastic eating aspect was inspired by the opening episode of the B . B . C . ' s sci-fi drama ' Doomwatch ' , broadcast in January of that year . The ending - in which the E . T . falls in love with a pillow case on a washing line and changes itself into one - is curiously touching as well as absurd . Amongst the people lined up outside the Palladium is Marcia Warren , later to play the nosey ' Vera Botting ' in the William Gaunt sitcom ' No Place Like Home ' . Funniest moment - Charlie asks a young woman if the coat she has on is plastic . " Certainly not ! " , she snaps , " It is leather ! " . The E . T . soon exposes her lie , however , by melting it , leaving her fuming in her underwear ! |
401,062 | 7,743,887 | 959,713 | 9 | They all look like Winston Churchill ! | After an insane woman patient accuses Paul of being the father of her baby , Collier decides to have a vasectomy , and manages to talk Duncan into having one too . Unfortunately , as he makes his way to the theatre , Collier is smitten by a beautiful young woman , and changes his mind . Duncan has the snip , but Paul is too embarrassed to let on he has not gone through with it . He takes a pot of Brylcreem along to the lab instead of a sperm sample , and eventually comes clean . Duncan is understandably furious . . . After three dismal episodes , something miraculous happened to ' Top ' - it became funny . This was down to the change of scriptwriter , temporarily replacing Leyton was that bearded birdwatching ' Goodie ' Bill Oddie , making a welcome return to writing duties . His last script ( co-written by Graeme Garden ) for the ' Doctor ' show was ' A Long Day's Journey Into Knighthood ' in 1972 . Bill seems to have a greater grasp of the characters , and comes up with some wonderful one liners . The cast are in good form here , particularly Nedwell , who is more like his lovable old self . The scene in the incubator room where he chats to newly-born babies is wonderfully touching . Layton gets to do far more than in the shows he authored . Even the starchy Stuart-Clark gets to display a wicked sense of humour . ' Marie ' , the mad woman who accuses Collier of being the father of her child , is played by Rynagh O'Grady , later to appear in ' Father Ted ' as bickering shopkeeper ' Mary ' . A pity that this was not used to open the show , instead of being buried away in the middle of the run . On the evidence presented here , Oddie should have written every episode . Funniest moment - the canteen scene where Dick uses the food off his plate to demonstrate to Mrs . Waring the principles of a vasectomy ! |
400,914 | 7,743,887 | 501,328 | 9 | They said it couldn't happen here . But it has ! | The third episode of ' 1990 ' is a different kettle of fish ; it has more plot than the earlier ones combined . Charles Wainwright ( Ray Smith ) , a union leader , is sent to America by the P . C . D . to promote their cause , but instead makes a powerful speech roundly condemning them . The Home Secretary ( John Savident ) has Wainwright sent to an A . R . C . ( Adult Rehabilitation Centre ) for ' correction ' . Kyle helps his dissident friends break into the Centre to try to reverse the damage wrought by Dr . Gelbert's drugs , but to no avail . Wainwright's next appearance on television features a completely changed man ; denouncing his earlier broadcast , the union leader goes on to announce his retirement in favour of a P . C . D . - backed puppet . Like I said , quite different to the earlier Wilfred Greatorex-scripted editions . A sympathetic trade union leader was a rare sight on British television in the late ' 70's , as they were being demonised by the right-wing media at the time as ' the enemy within ' . Whenever you saw a photograph of say Len Murray in ' The Daily Mail ' , he was made to look like something out of ' Aliens ' . The writer here is Edmund Ward , who along with Greatorex wrote several fine episodes of ' Man In A Suitcase ' . His other credits include ' The Power Game ' and ' The Main Chance ' . Ray Smith is excellent as ' Wainwright ' , although it is hard to understand why he goes back to Britain after his American speech . Surely he would have guessed what the P . C . D . would do to him ? His recantation is difficult to accept too ; it is obviously coming from the lips of a man whose mind has been tampered with . The P . C . D . could have achieved the same effect by merely discrediting him , making it look as though he were on the take for instance . The idea of there being secret establishments for brainwashing political undesirables was first seen in ' The Prisoner ' . John Rhys-Davies , later to play ' Sallah ' in ' Raiders Of The Lost Ark ' , plays Wainwright's replacement . No much for the Delly Bird to do here , alas . No wonder Babs Kellermann left after the first season . It could not have been much fun playing a woman so completely devoid of personality . |
400,600 | 7,743,887 | 276,651 | 9 | The Forerunner To ' That's Life ' | ' Braden's Week ' was a Saturday night consumer affairs programme , hosted by the late Bernard Braden , assisted by Esther Rantzen and John Pitman . I viewed two episodes recently ( courtesy of the B . B . C . ' s Archive Trial ) , and could see how indebted ' That's Life ! ' was to the earlier show . When , in the late ' 70's , an U . S . T . V . company ripped off the ' That's Life ' format ( even going so far as to hire a blonde female presenter ) , Esther responded with predictable fury . However , one viewer with a long memory rightly pointed out in a letter to ' The People ' newspaper that ' That's Life ' was not an original idea to start with . Following titles depicting the show's very ' 60's logo in various locations - accompanied by a jaunty Syd Dale theme - the urbane Braden introduced a vox pop sequence in which Esther pestered shoppers with inane questions such as ' What do you think of men with long hair ? ' , giving disgruntled pensioners a chance for fleeting stardom . Then a lengthy ( and somewhat more serious ) consumer report got underway . In the 1969 edition , it concerned a pools company that was raising money for Spina-Bifida but keeping as much as they could for themselves . As the item came to a close , Braden could hardly keep the emotion out of his voice . Humour was not forgotten though ; the 1968 edition featured a witty song from the late Jake Thackray on the subject of ' Miss World ' . Less successful though were the ' quickies ' - short comedy sketches featuring Chris Munds and the lovely ( and alas , also deceased ) Hilary Pritchard . A regular in the first series was Matthew Coady of ' The Daily Mirror ' . His monologue calling for the retirement ages of Members of Parliament to be harmonised with those of everyone else was put across well , but spoilt with a final comment about Sir Winston Churchill . The studio audience withheld its applause . Braden himself possessed a wry sense of humour , and certainly needed one when at the start of one edition he accidentally slipped while coming onto the set . To his credit - and ignoring the laughter of the audience and his co-presenters - he got on with the job . There was none of the boorishness that blighted Rantzen's show - no dogs saying ' sausages ' or rudely-shaped vegetables - in fact the programme had far more in common with the much-later ' Watchdog ' . ' Braden's Week ' would have lasted longer had not its host committed a serious error of judgement by starring in an I . T . V . commercial for margarine . As he was also fronting a consumer affairs programme , the B . B . C . felt that there was a conflict of interests and so , they fired him . Nowadays a presenter getting the push from one channel is no big deal - he or she can simply sign up with another - but then it meant that Braden was out in the cold . He next appeared on I . T . V . in 1976 in a short-lived game show called ' The Sweepstakes Game ' , obviously modelled on ' Celebrity Squares ' . It was beneath a man of his talents . A decade on , he fronted a new version of ' All Our Yesterdays ' for daytime television . Though it did not last long either , it reminded viewers of how a good presenter he was . Amusingly , the 1979 I . T . V . sketch show ' End Of Part One ' did a parody of ' That's Life ! ' entitled ' That's Bernard Braden's Show Really ' ! |
400,836 | 7,743,887 | 83,453 | 9 | Not-So Lucky , Lucky Jim | Big things were expected of the talented Enn Reitel in the early ' 80's . This series cast him as Jim Dixon , an ex-University lecturer struggling to make it in Swinging ' 60's London . Dixon is no ' dedicated follower of fashion ' , as he wears glasses and tweed suits with leather elbow patches . The character was originally intended as a spoof of the ' angry young men ' of the late ' 50's . Ian Carmichael played him in a memorable 1957 film . Reitel was perfectly cast as the quick witted , face-pulling Dixon , Anthony Sher guest-starred along with Clive Swift , and the stunning Glynis Barber . It captured perfectly the heady flavour of 1967 , with opening titles played against footage of dancing flower-people , backed by an Alan Price song called " Where Do I Go From Here ? " . Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais's scripts , whilst hardly in the same class as their earlier stuff , were funny , which makes the show's failure all the more perplexing . Reitel went on to provide voices for I . T . V . ' s ' Spitting Image ' . |
400,884 | 7,743,887 | 68,040 | 9 | You've all done very well ! | I have to say that I was not a big fan of ' Are You Being Served ? ' when it first aired . I did not dislike it as such , its just that there were ( I thought ) better shows around at the time , such as ' Monty Python's Flying Circus ' , ' Dad's Army ' , ' The Goodies ' and ' Porridge ' . Its only in recent years that I have come to fully appreciate its charms . Set in the London department store of Grace Brothers , its staff included harridan Mrs . Slocombe ( Mollie Sugden ) , her assistant Miss Brahms ( Wendy Richard ) , both of whom sold ladies ' wear , and over on the men's wear section , there was effeminate Mr . Humphries ( John Inman ) , grumpy Mr . Grainger ( Arthur Borough ) , and ladies ' man Mr . Lucas ( Trevor Bannister ) . Presiding over this team was floorwalker Captain Peacock ( Frank Thornton ) , and jug-eared Mr . Rumbold ( Nicholas Smith ) . One of the store's owners was Young Mr . Grace ( Harold Bennett ) , who despite being older than Methuselah was a randy old goat ( I hope I'm like that when I reach his age ) . Each week , the store came up with some daft new sales gimmick , which usually resulted in the staff having to put on silly costumes . Mrs . Slocombe's frequent references to her ' pussy ' made the studio audience hysterical with laughter , as did Mr . Humphries ' oblique references to his homosexuality . Jeremy Lloyd and David Croft's scripts trod a careful line between family comedy and ' Carry On ' style smut . Among the numerous catchphrases the show spawned were : " Men's Wear ! " ( spoken by Mr . Humphries in a butch voice ) , " And I am unanimous in this ! " , " You've all done very well ! " ( delivered by Young Mr . Grace ) , and , of course , the classic " I'm free ! " . The show was a massive hit , spawning a feature film in 1977 , and was still running well into the alternative comedy ' 80's . It was good-natured fun , but not for everyone . The L . W . T . sketch show ' End Of Part One ' did an excellent spoof called ' Are You Being Stereotyped ? ' which subverted the show's theme tune , turning it into a critique . Yes , the characters were stereotypes , of that there's no doubt . But they were strong stereotypes , instantly recognisable from one another . And there's nothing really wrong with that . When John Inman passed away a few years ago , Stuart Jefferies wrote a damning article in ' The Guardian ' , the thrust of which was that ' A . Y . B . S . ' was representative of a style of humour that was ( in his view ) thankfully gone . Well , gone it certainly has , but I do not find that something to be glad about . As I write this , Jonathan Ross has just been suspended by the B . B . C . and Russell Brand has resigned over a so-called ' humourous ' phone call they made to the actor Andrew Sachs . We have now reached the stage where bullying can pass for comedy . I found astonishing the claim made by their supporters that they were ' pushing the boundaries of comedy ' . As Sid James used to say : " Knickers ! " . The comedy boundaries have been pushed far enough as it is . When John Cleese and Connie Booth created ' Fawlty Towers ' , they could not give two hoots about redefining comedy , they just wanted to make a funny show . And did . I'm sure Lloyd and Croft felt the same way when they wrote ' A . Y . B . S ' . The real comedy geniuses are not the people who push the boundaries , but those who work well within them . Like Benny Hill , ' A . Y . B . S . ' was a hit in America . I suppose the Americans liked it because of the very Britishness of the thing . It was seaside postcard stuff really . John Inman was spot on when he said : " Don't say rude words , let the audience think them ! " . |
400,687 | 7,743,887 | 516,853 | 9 | Steed & Tara Go Back To School | Grant , a British agent , snips through barbed wire and gains access to private property . He has not gotten far when a mantrap closes on his foot . As he tries to free himself , a poisonous snake slithers towards him , and takes a bite . Nearby three young people in strange yellow uniforms look on in amusement . So begins ' Invasion Of The Earthmen ' , officially the first ' Tara King ' episode . John Bryce , formerly a producer during the Honor Blackman series , was brought back to push the show in a different direction from that of the previous season , which was felt to have been extreme . Bryce produced a total of three episodes - ' Invitation To A Killing ' , ' The Great Great Britain Crime ' , and , of course , this one - before he was fired and Brian Clemens and Albert Fennell reinstated . The first two were remounted , shown under different titles , but ' Earthmen ' got off comparatively lively . It is therefore chiefly of interest as an example of how the series might have looked under a different producer . On the evidence of this , it seems Bryce was trying to bring it into line with the I . T . C . shows of that period , in particular ' The Champions ' . Steed and Tara find a brochure in Grant's room produced by the Alpha Academy - a school for young people of above average intelligence . It is run in militaristic fashion by Brigadier Brett ( William Lucas , later to play ' Dr . Gordon ' in the kids ' show ' Adventures Of Black Beauty ' ) . The Avengers show up pretending to be husband and wife , and wishing to enrol their ' son ' . Snooping around , Tara comes across a man in a spacesuit ( who looks like Humpty Dumpty ) floating about in mid-air . The Academy is secretly training an army who will then go into suspended animation and colonise other planets ( who they are expected to fight out there is never made clear ) . It comes as no surprise that this should be the work of Terry Nation , creator of ' the Daleks ' for ' Dr . Who ' . ' Earthmen ' could easily fit into the Jon Pertwee era of said programme ( come to think of it ' The Tomorrow People ' did a similar story called ' The Doomsday Men ' ) . As ' Tara ' , Thorson is a little bland ( she got better over time ) , and that blonde wig makes her look like ' Carry On ' star Liz Fraser ! ( special footage had to be added to explain why Tara had different coloured hair ) . Another user has commented on the similarity of the Alpha Academy uniforms to those worn in ' Star Trek ' . This must be a coincidence as the Gene Roddenberry-created show had not yet been screened in Britain when this was made . The Academy deserve reprimand for its truly shocking decor - a two-tone effect comprised of green and purple . Ugh ! Among the precocious youngsters are Lucy Fleming ( later to play ' Jenny ' in Nation's ' Survivors ' ) , Warren Clarke ( of ' Dalziel & Pascoe ' ) , and Christopher Chittell ( ' Eric Pollard ' of ' Emmerdale ' ) . The director , Don Sharp , was responsible for the Hammer Horror classics ' Kiss Of The Vampire ' and ' Rasputin The Mad Monk ' . An enjoyable episode then , but avoid it if you hate spiders ( Tara finds herself in a tunnel with loads of the things at one point ) ! |
401,380 | 7,743,887 | 55,231 | 9 | An Overlooked Gem ! | ' The Night We Got The Bird ' turned up on Channel 4 one afternoon a few years ago . Never having seen it before , I tuned in . It was hysterical ! Brian Rix plays a nervous young man who marries Dora Bryan , formerly engaged to a disreputable antiques dealer played by Ronald Shiner , who'd died after being chased by the gangsters to whom he owed money . Brian and Dora's wedding night is disrupted by the presence of a caged bird which , little do they know , is the reincarnation of Shiner ! This bizarre story was partly scripted by legendary farce specialist Ray Cooney , and as you'd expect contains plenty of good lines and amusing situations . I burst out laughing when Irene Handl purchased a toilet seat made to look like a valuable antique mirror . The supporting cast are great too , amongst them Leo Franklyn , Liz Fraser , and of course the magnificent Irene Handl . Why this film isn't better known is a mystery . The same production team also made the army comedy ' The Night We Dropped A Clanger ' , with Rix playing dual roles . |
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