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8
Where the liquor , Vicar ?
The Reverend George Ffoulkes and his wife have a dinner engagement with The Bishop , meaning they require a baby sitter to take care of their quadruplets - Matthew , Mark , Luke and John . Unfortunately , the agency sends along Les . No sooner is he alone in the vicarage than he proceeds to help himself to drink , read...
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Squeeze me please ! I am hopping to be unrolled !
Vince Powell came up with the idea for this L . W . T . sitcom after his au pair innocently asked him one day if he had received any ' French letters ' for her . She was of course referring to mail , but to an English comedy scriptwriter the double meaning was unmistakable . ' Mind Your Language ' was set in an adult e...
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I'll have a pint of Appleyard !
Professor Loftus gives Duncan and Mike a severed human arm to dissect . Mike finds the job impossible as the very thought of it makes him queasy ( I cannot say I blame him ) . Later , at the canteen , he is unable to look at the food ( unappetising it looks too ) much less eat it . Duncan takes him to the pub where the...
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8
Paris - Cockney style !
The second episode of the second season of Douglas Livingstone's ' Born & Bred ' . Molly Peglar ( Joan Sims ) is planning a special Parisian night - complete with fashion show - at her East End pub ' The Crown & Sceptre ' . She hopes to impress enough people to give her a boost in her ambitions to chair the local Women...
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A Family Affair
McGill goes to Naples where millionaire Ugo ( Maurice Kaufmann ) has a job for him . His younger brother , Silvio ( Paul Bertoya ) , has inherited half a million pounds through a trust fund . All he needs to do to is sign some legal papers , and he is a rich man . Ugo wants Silvio to take the money so that he will stop...
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There is no fire !
St . Swithin stages a fire drill , but Duncan and Dick refuse to go along with it , preferring to play cards as Bingham urges them to flee the building . To rouse them out of their apathy , Loftus appoints them ' Fire Wardens ' , a decision which infuriates Bingham as he had enjoyed the authority that went with the pos...
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One Minister Too Many !
The Minister of Health is due to arrive at St . Swithins for a varicose vein operation , and wants to be treated like any other patient . Worried that an unfavourable impression of the hospital may jeopardise his chances of a knighthood , Loftus removes Bingham from his ward and places Duncan in charge . By a striking ...
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8
Koch is a German !
St . Swithins gets its very own radio service . Loftus unwisely entrusts Waring and Stuart-Clark with the task of making it a success . Dick sees it as a golden opportunity to make a quick buck by incorporating local business ads into his ' History Of St . Swithins ' broadcasts , while Gascoigne writes a melodramatic p...
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Pretty Polly Is Pregnant !
Duncan had had a one-night stand with a sexy physiotherapist some months ago whilst returning from Edinburgh . Now she is working at St . Swithins . The trouble is he did not tell her his real name , he called himself ' Dick Stuart-Clark'So now the girl - Eleanor Wilcox - addresses Duncan as ' Dick ' and vice versa , w...
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Three Medical Men And A Baby !
Duncan finds a baby on his doorstep along with the morning milk . A note attached identifies it as ' Baby Duncan ' . He and Dick try to pilfer nappies from the maternity ward , but Sister Raeburn catches them and forces them to practice midwifery on a toy baby . Needless to say , they are not good at the job . Then Kat...
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Go and jump on a barbed wire trampoline !
Its Sunday , and Duncan is on duty at St . Swithins . Tired , hungry and depressed beyond measure ( its also his birthday , and everyone , Kate included , seems to have forgotten ) . Loftus cons him into paying for a ham salad , Dick is too busy chasing a young Australian nurse to notice his friend's's misery , and Gas...
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Running Out Of Patients !
The students ( minus Hooley ) are allowed to examine patients in the Patrick Snooth Ward . And a right lot they are too . One is more concerned about his missing hat than his illness , another is a compulsive liar who makes his ailment sound worse than it is ( it is gout ) , another is concerned about sexual impotence ...
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Enter Ffitchett-Brown
Recovered from chicken pox , Mr . Dix is back at Fenn Street School , and once more making everyone's life hell . A new teacher arrives - David Ffitchett-Brown , ex-army officer ( Potter takes a shine to him immediately ) , good-looking , trendy , and , best of all , unafraid of Dix . Noticing Dix continually picking o...
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A Close Encounter At St . Swithins !
An important medical conference is to take place at St . Swithins , at which Sir Edmund Steele of Highcross will be present . Keen to make his lecture special , Loftus tells Duncan to find a patient with an unusual medical condition . Salvation comes in the portly shape of northerner Mr . Andrews , whose heart is on th...
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Are you Sir's Penny ?
Mr . Hedges and Penny are thinking about where to live when they get married . Then fate takes an unexpected turn - Smithy keels over in the street , and is rushed to hospital . While he recuperates at home , the old teacher tells Hedges that he and his wife Madge and thinking of selling up and moving away . The possib...
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Dick Enjoys The High Life !
The gang from St . Swithins are at a careers ' exhibition , urging future school-leavers to consider taking up medicine . Here they learn that Mike Sherman , head of the Charlemagne hotel chain , is looking for a resident doctor for his London hotel . The pay is good ( £7 , 000 a year ) , there's free accommodation and...
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Doctors - Pick Your Nurses !
Waring , Stuart-Clark and Mackenzie come up with the idea of a competition to see who is the best nurse at St . Swithins . There's just one problem - they do not have any prize money . Dick makes a deal with Nurse Reynolds ; in return for fixing the contest in her favour , she will hand back the cheque . Unfortunately ...
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Have Faith , Duncan
Duncan plans on settling down with Kate , and demonstrates to Dick how he intends carrying her over the threshold . Unfortunately , he slips a disc , and is in agony . Dick hurts his leg . Despite repeated treatment from specialists , the injury shows no sign of healing . To make matters worse , news of how the injury ...
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8
Man Overboard !
Duncan and Dick settle down to life aboard the M . S . Begonia . They find the crew to be a mixed bunch - Captain Loftus is a virtual replica of his St . Swithins counterpart , the Purser is a snob who grovels after Captain Loftus constantly , the entertainment officer a manic depressive , but there's some consolation ...
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Viva Upton !
Upton , Collier and Bingham must undergo a verbal exam to qualify for a Primary Fellowship - also known as ' the viva ' . Collier blows it before he even makes to the examination room ; he spills a drink over Professor Sinnott ( the examiner ) and is rude to the man when he refuses his offer of a refill . Bingham , pre...
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Well ! Well ! Well !
Upton bumps into an old friend from his first year as student - Huw Evans . But gone is the boisterous , boozing rabble-rouser of old . The new look Huw is bearded , dressed scruffily , and preoccupied by some weighty problem . It turns out he is married to a former St . Swithins typist named Pippa ( ' she of the big ....
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8
Before Bean There was Box
Every now and then something comes along which hits you in the face like a wet flannel . I caught ' Canned Laughter ' on its original I . T . V . transmission in 1979 , following a showing of ' Conquest Of The Planet Of The Apes ' . Not having heard of Mr . Atkinson , I wasn't sure what to expect . Thirty minutes later...
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He was so piddled he went to the wrong hospital !
Upton is back at St . Swithins , and by an eerie coincidence , so is Professor Loftus , now Professor of Surgery and member of the Board of Govenors . This news is a blow to the fortunes of Dick Stuart-Clark , who had been running the hospital bar quite profitably . He had even managed to hide illegal alcohol in a bedp...
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Oi ! Oi ! Oi !
Upton's newest patient is Victor Bligh , an elderly man with strange behavioural problems such as twitching uncontrollably , muttering gibberish , and blowing raspberries . Mike recommends him to a psychiatrist . Dick , now working at a psychiatric clinic , introduces Mike to Lionel Morris , who turns violent whenever ...
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Call me Bunty !
Upton visits a local girls ' school - nicknamed ' the stacks ' by Dr . Maxwell - much to Sue's horror . The pupils are precocious young women with crushes on the good-looking doctor . Soon they are chasing him on bikes , undressing in a provocative manner in his clinic , sending him sexy messages , and turning up at th...
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Only tell me when I'm wrong !
The job of junior houseman at St . Swithins is once more up for grabs . Professor Loftus decides to give it to his former student Duncan Waring . The previous incumbent , Mike Upton , joined the Merchant Navy to escape the attentions of Nurse Willett , to whom he drunkenly proposed one night . Back in Britain following...
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The old bag has resigned !
A new Matron takes over at St . Swithins - the fearsome Miss Fox . Even Loftus is afraid of her . Knowing of her puritanism , Dick and Paul attempt to scare her away by sending her forged love notes purporting to be written by Bingham . Lawrence , meanwhile , is stung by Duncan's comments about his ability to chat up g...
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I Was A Desert Rat , You Know !
The 1967 movie ' To Sir With Love ' starred Sidney Poitier as an American teacher attempting to educate unruly children in a rough East End London school . It may be coincidental , but the following year ' Please Sir ! ' was launched on I . T . V . John Esmonde and Bob Larbey originally took the idea to the B . B . C ....
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Arrivederci Roma !
Loftus wants Duncan to accompany him to a surgical conference in Rome , and entrusts him with an important document , the only one of its kind . A jealous Paul steals the paper , hiding it in a men's magazine . Duncan panics , and begins searching the hospital . Dick takes the magazine to his room , not realising it co...
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What Are We Going To Do Now ?
The line between genius and madness is a fine one , and no individual epitomised these extremes more effectively than Spike Milligan . The ' Monty Python ' team freely admit drawing inspiration from his shows . I never saw ' Q5 ' alas , but the later series - beginning with ' Q6 ' - were a mixture of the brilliant and ...
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8
Does he have to do that every time I eat ?
Two months after ' On The Buses ' notched up its sixth successful season on television , the gang were back , this time in the second of their big screen offerings . With the first being the most popular film release of 1971 ( had ' Diamonds Are Forever ' opened earlier , I suspect this might not have been the case ) ,...
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Call Me Madge !
There is a place for a junior doctor on the Board Of Governors at St . Swithins . Duncan wants the position so he can push for the building of a new research unit , but Bingham feels it should be his because he ( in his view ) is the best doctor in the hospital . Because the Board are a bunch of senile old fogeys , Dic...
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8
Did you bring a rubber plant ?
Disgusted by the poor quality food at St Swithins , Duncan and Paul both go on a macrobiotic diet , which entails them eating seaweed , millet and stuff normally found at the bottom of bird cages . Loftus invites them to dinner . They experience an evening of hell as they eat their own food whilst Loftus and his guests...
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A Tale From The Crypt !
Logan , Jessica and Rem discover six people held in suspended animation in an underground vault . They are there because each possesses the knowledge and abilities to rebuild a post-atomic holocaust world . Unfortunately , they have a terrible disease that can only be cured by vaccine from two phials . En route to the ...
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Let's do it !
In the midst of the alternative comedy revolution of the ' 80's , along came Victoria Wood with this B . B . C . - 2 series . I have to admit to not being the world's biggest fan of Ms . Wood . I well remember her early television work such as ' That's Life ! ' in which she ( badly ) performed over-twee songs about acn...
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Bath Crystals Are Forever
Howard is short of money ( as usual ) and has taken to stealing from the Mountjoy's phone fund . Mary cannot complain as she has been doing the same thing ( without Trevor's knowledge ) . At the bank , Howard encounters a new manager - the hard-faced Mr . Scrimshaw . As Howard is £600 in the red , Scrimshaw wishes to c...
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And Its Still Goodnight From Him !
When ' The Two Ronnies Sketchbook ' was originally announced , you could almost hear the gasps of amazement from the media . In this age of ' Little Britain ' and ' League Of Gentlemen ' , went the cry , why would anyone by interested in two old men doing corny jokes from behind desks ? But the show astonished televisi...
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The Two Davids
The Tardis lands in Victorian London . It is Christmas . Hearing someone call his name , the Doctor rushes off , to find a young woman cowering in terror from something behind a locked door . A man in Dickensian clothes appears , announces himself as the Doctor , and takes charge of the situation . . . . Another Christ...
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Ken Archer Vs . The World
As the ' 80's arrived , and alternative comedy got into full swing , a number of sitcoms appeared that were darker than the chirpy fare served up by the B . B . C . and I . T . V . in the ' 70's . Carla Lane gave us ' I Woke Up One Morning ' , a powerful , bleak show about men struggling to beat alcoholism , ' Affairs ...
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Clive's Revels
A aircraft vanishes over an area of the Pacific known as ' Demon's Triangle ' . Amongst the passengers is U . N . I . T . agent Kelly , carrying in her signet ring a chip containing stolen U . S . defence plans . Sloane and Torque fly out to an island at the heart of the mysterious area where planes and ships disappear...
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I think he's going to dust us !
Sloane goes to Santa Maria , Brazil , in response to a message from U . N . I . T . agent Jacobsen . He finds the man's corpse in a deserted laboratory . A sole locust provides the only clue . Suddenly , gun men appear . Sloane flees . As he drives off , more gun men block the road and prepare to open fire . Swerving ,...
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There's Only One Way To Find Out . . . Fight !
Once a rich source of popular television comedy , I . T . V . seems to have thrown in the towel . The jewel in its crown in recent years has been ' Harry Hill's T . V . Burp ' in which the eccentrically attired Mr . Hill pokes fun at the week's television . He would not be the first person to do this ; the B . B . C . ...
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Sloane Hits The Right Note !
Sloane is on the trail of a Japanese mercenary called Tiger Person , who has recently joined a private army . After catching the secret agent having a drink with his girlfriend , Tiger Person attacks him , but Sloane retaliates in force , so the soldier flees from the scene . Sloane and Torque give chase but before the...
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Robert's found out !
Picture the scene : you are sitting alone on a park bench when a woman sits down , and exclaims breathlessly : " Robert's found out ! " . What could she possibly mean ? Well , it would depend on who the woman was , who Robert was , and who you were . The possibilities are varied . This episode of ' The Galton & Simpson...
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They call us Pinky & Perky !
Charles ( Charles Gray ) and Peter ( Freddie Jones ) have known each other since they were at school . After serving in the Army , they bought a house which they share . Each Friday they visit a posh bar , order the same drinks ( with nuts and crisps ) , smoke pipes , chat affably to the same people , as well as each o...
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Briers Fancies A Bit Of The Good Life
In 1973 , Galton and Simpson wrote ' Casanova 73 ' for the B . B . C . This sitcom starred the great Leslie Phillips as ' Henry Newhouse ' , an advertising executive whom , despite being happily married to ' Carol ' ( Jan Holden ) has sex on the brain ( and one or two other body parts as well ) . The show detailed his ...
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Whither Deirdre ?
The great Roy Kinnear stars as ' Richard Burton ' . No , not the Welsh film star who died in 1984 , but an airline pilot who goes home after a three-day flight only to find that his wife Deirdre has left him . He goes to pieces . He phones her mother Linda ( Fanny Carby ) , but is treated with contempt , and so begins ...
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Steam ! Steam !
The Gang are looking forward to a nice evening out in London . Suddenly a man steps off the pavement . Duffy's van hits him . He is Michael Upjohn , owner of a local dry cleaners . While he recuperates in hospital ( where he takes the opportunity to flirt with Maureen ) , the Gang try to make amends by running his busi...
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Sci-Fi With A Positive Message
' The Martian Chronicles ' came out when U . S . T . V . sci-fi was reaping the ' Star Wars ' dividend with ' Battlestar Galactica ' and ' Buck Rogers ' . Based on the Ray Bradbury novel , it took a completely different tack , telling of the exploration and colonisation of Mars . Much of the book's poetry was lost in R...
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Charades On Television
A sketch in ' Not The Nine O'Clock News ' had an out-of-work actor ( Griff Rhys Jones ) receiving bad news in the post . " Dear Sir " , it said : " We would like you to appear on ' Give Us A Clue ' . " . So horrified was the poor guy that he shot himself . What can one say about ' Give Us A Clue ' ? This Thames panel g...
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Is anybody there ?
Frankie recounts the time he was a private eye . A rich old battle axe named Mrs . Parsley suspects her husband of having an affair , and hires Frankie to keep tabs on him . With her in tow , he tracks her husband to a flat owned by the lovely Lola . Breaking in and hiding a walkie-talkie , Frankie is unexpectedly trap...
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Joan ! The subject is closed !
I think its sad that this show has been so misunderstood . People who weren't even alive in the ' 70's will tell you with absolute authority that it was ' racist ' and ' should never be shown again ' . Yet how many of them have actually seen an episode ? True , ' Love Thy Neighbour ' was about a racist - Eddie Booth - ...
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Are Youse Paying This Bill ?
Barbara has got the day off work , and plans to spend it at home looking after her cat ' Mr . Kitty-Kins ' . Billy takes her out for a meal in his office lunch break so he can ply her with wine , with a view to getting her in the sack . When he goes to pay , he finds he has left his wallet at home . With no money to pa...
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If there were any bullets in this rifle , I'd shoot myself !
It is C-Flight's third day at R . A . F . Skelton , and everyone is thoroughly browned off with Corporal Marsh , who makes Captain Bligh from ' Mutiny On The Bounty ' seem like ' Captain Birdseye ' . After mopping the latrine , the lads report to Squadron Leader Baker for their medical . Jakey intends failing his by pr...
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The Second Day
Its C-Flight's second day at R . A . F . Skelton - the conscripts are made to rise at the ungodly hour of five-thirty , and enter a freezing cold washroom . Finding a flick-knife in Smith's pocket , Marsh threatens to put him on a charge . Smith claims it is his razor , and to prove his point shaves with it , resulting...
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I'm All Right , Stan !
Stan and Jack are horrified to learn of the imposition of strict new rules concerning the use of the canteen , and that one of the staff - Elsie - is to be sacked . Jack calls an official strike . On hearing he is to receive an generous productivity bonus , however , Jack tells everyone to go back to work . Angered by ...
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You've Met Dracula , Now Meet The Mummy !
Blakey's mother moves into the Butler household . She's only supposed to be there for two days , but proves reluctant to leave . Mrs . Blake is domineering , bad-tempered and vain . She has Mrs . Butler cooking her breakfast at 8 . 30 a . m . , polishing her shoes , taking her newspapers , and generally treats her like...
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Sheila's ( and Peter's ) Wheels !
In 1978 , the David Jason sitcom ' A Sharp Intake Of Breath ' confounded critics by topping the ratings , overtaking ' Coronation Street ' . In all honesty , the first run was the weakest , boasting a pair of unfunny episodes by Kenneth Cope and Leslie Duxbury alongside the much-better Ronnie Taylor ones . When it retu...
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Here comes Rumbletum !
Stan and Jack are amused when Blakey gets an attack of ' gutsache ' , and has to see the new depot Nurse . Blakey is given some foul looking medicine ( he spills most of it down his uniform ) . Mary , young , blonde and Scottish , is looking for somewhere to live . Stan offers to put her up in his mother's front parlou...
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You silly bitch !
Peter is trying to teach Sheila to drive . She damages the car and he has to call the local garage . A pair of mechanics ( Alun Armstrong and Malcolm Storry ) turn up , take one look at the vehicle , and pronounce it as being not worthy of repair . When Peter calls at the garage days later to collect the car , he has t...
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The Only Way I Can Stay Alive Is To Stay Dead !
' The Hanged Man ' , an eight-part drama series from Yorkshire Television , played like a British version of the American thriller ' Point Blank ! ' . The late Colin Blakely played ' Lew Burnett ' , owner of a construction empire he had built up from nothing . The story begins with Burnett - wearing a yellow hard-hat a...
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A Bore Is Starred !
A photographer visits Fenn Street School , and is so impressed by Potter he hires him to do the photo-shoot for a poster campaign for beer . Naturally the thought of fame goes straight to the school keeper's head . But the Chairman of the Board of Govenors informs him he will lose his job if he lends his face to commer...
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70 Is A Dangerous Age , Adam
Simms is overjoyed to receive a postcard from Timothy Henshaw , a retired actor , now living at the Sweet Lawns ' home for senior citizens . With Adam in tow , he pays a visit , but Henshaw fails to recognise his friend , and doesn't even recall having sent the card ! Why are there corpses buried in the summerhouse ? W...
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My girlfriend likes to touch me a lot !
Whenever ' 70's sitcoms about race are discussed on retro programmes , one show that invariably gets mentioned first is ' Love Thy Neighbour ' , as though that's all there was back then . I shout at the screen : " What about ' The Fosters ' " ? The idea to do an all-black British sitcom came from Michael Grade of Londo...
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The One That Didn't Want To Get Away
There's a new arrival at Colditz Castle - Squadron Leader Tony Shaw ( Jeremy Kemp ) , a man whose flying exploits are legendary . When news spreads among the British prisoners , there is much excitement . The Germans keep him in solitary , fearing his reputation will inspire further escape attempts . But on Hauptmann U...
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George !
' George & Mildred ' was the first - and best - of the spin-offs from Johnnie Mortimer and Brian Cooke's ' Man About The House ' . Using the proceedings from the sale of their home in Myddleton Terrace , the Ropers ' move into a posh residential area ( ' all B . B . C . - 2 and musical toilet rolls ' , according to Geo...
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Eaten Alive By The Widow Twankey !
Another saucy romp with Henry Newhouse , the man who makes Dr . Dick Stuart-Clark from the ' Doctor ' series seem like a monk . It is morning , and Henry and Carol are both hung-over following a boozy charity event the night before . Carol wants to know where her husband disappeared to in the middle of it . " I was wit...
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Henry Gets Bugged !
Henry gets some disturbing news - his business partner Arthur Langham ( Michael Napier Brown ) suspects wife Connie ( Yolande Turner ) of having an affair , and has placed a tape recorder in his flat , hoping to identify her mystery lover . Said lover is none other than Henry himself . Packing off Arthur on a business ...
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The God-Daughter !
A good one for Maddy Smith fans this . Made the same year she played ' Miss Caruso ' in ' Live & Let Die ' . I had the privilege of meeting the lady herself the year before . Actually , meeting is too strong a word - seeing would be nearer the mark ( and my goodness , there was plenty of her to see ! ) . She came to my...
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G-d is Alive & Well & Living In A Sugar Cube !
I was not sure whether I would like this . I was possibly expecting another ' Zabriskie Point ' - loud , long , pretentious - but instead came away pleasantly surprised . It was one of several ' 60's films to depict ordinary people losing faith with the materialistic world and joining the counter-culture , others inclu...
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Hear The Phantom Of The Opera Sing A Haunting Melody
' Rentaghost ' was a children's comedy series by Bob Block , who also wrote the equally bizarre ' Pardon My Genie ' and ' Robert's Robots ' . It concerned an employment agency , run and staffed by three ghosts - trendy Fred Mumford , Victorian Hubert Davenport and jester Timothy Claypole . All used to ' teleport ' by p...
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A Very Tasty World !
The early-to-mid ' 70's saw a glut of movies predicting a pessimistic future for Mankind ; ' Soylent Green ' , ' No Blade Of Grass ' , ' A Clockwork Orange ' , ' Logan's Run ' , the ' Planet Of The Apes ' sequels and this , based on a Michael Moorcock novel . Jon Finch stars as Jerry Cornelius , Nobel Prize winner , ro...
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Its like Quatermass !
On September 9th 2008 , an amazing thing happened . I . T . V . actually broadcast a funny comedy show . Unfortunately , it happened to be thirty-eight years old . ' On The Buses ' was the first in a new series devoted to archive sitcoms . A short time ago , I wrote a review of the first episode in which I stated that ...
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Cold Turkey For The Butlers !
1971 saw ' On The Buses ' reach its peak in terms of popularity . Season 4 spilled over from the year before , bringing many fine episodes like ' Cover Up ' and ' Not Tonight ' . The release of the first movie , which became the highest grosser in the U . K . Season 5 appeared in the autumn , and was lapped up by a gra...
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The A-Team are back in business !
' Life On Mars ' starred John Simm as ' Sam Tyler ' , a detective who rather improbably is hurled back to 1973 as the result of a car accident , where he joins forces with the hard-as-nails ' D . C . I . Gene Hunt ' and his cohorts Ray Carling ( Dean Andrews ) and Chris Skelton ( Marshall Lancaster ) . The show's blend...
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When Arthur Met Olive !
Arthur comes home drunk and gets a rocket from a curler-headed Olive . Its their wedding anniversary , and he has completely forgotten it . At the bus depot the next day , Stan accidentally ruins Blakey's uniform with a pot of paint . When the inspector boasts that he never used to wreck buses when he was a driver , St...
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I only came round for tea and toast !
Fed up at the constant bickering between Olive and Arthur , Stan resolves to do something about it . A marriage guidance councillor suggests Olive try a change of image to make her more sexually alluring . When Arthur comes home , he is astounded to find his wife , tarted up like Mae West , alone in the parlour , the l...
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All Dressed Up With . . .
Stan and Jack plan a naughty night in with two sexy clippies whilst Mum , Arthur and Olive are at Aunt Maud's . There's just one snag - Arthur's motorbike is in urgent need of repair . In desperation , Stan smuggles into the depot the bracket used to hold the bike to the sidecar so that Jack can perform an impromptu we...
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Love & Marriage
It is two weeks since the new intake of ' erks ' arrived at R . A . F . Skelton , and they have finally gotten used to their new environment . They do not like it , but have gotten used to it . They are allowed to attend ( except for Leckie , who is confined to barracks ) a local dance . But it proves a disappointment ...
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Nailed !
Poor Lilley . He can do nothing right , and with every mistake he makes Corporal Marsh takes it out on the rest of ' C Flight ' by making them do extra ' Bull ' . The pressure he is under is enormous . Things come to a head when Marsh tells him to recite a dirty joke , and he refuses to do so . In fact he won't so much...
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Years Ahead Of Its Time
Long before the onset of multi-channel television , this short-lived sitcom provided a glimpse of things to come . Clifford Turnbull , a pompous ex-army major , is hired by Sir Zachary Stein , chairman of Pentagon Television , to boost the small station's flagging ratings . He tries to run it like a military operation ...
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Only Cynthia Knows . . .
In 1979 , Dudley Moore starred in ' 10 ' , written and directed by Blake Edwards , about the angst of a man approaching forty . It was hugely successful and made him a star . But a decade earlier , he had starred in and co-written ( with Joe McGrath and the late John Wells ) ' 30 Is A Dangerous Age Cynthia ' , about th...
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You Knock-Kneed , Knackered Old Nose-Bag !
Brother and sister Nellie and Eli Pledge are joint owners of ' Pledge's Purer Pickles ' , based in Colne , Lancashire . They are complete opposites - she is a spinster prone to malapropisms ( " And what are you incinerating ? " ) , while he is fond of beer , betting and women . The workforce consists largely of smelly ...
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And The First Caller is . . .
Before B . B . C . morning television was overrun with makeover and confrontation programmes , ' Open Air ' reigned supreme . Presented in the same infuriatingly cheerful manner as Noel Edmonds ' ' Swap Shop ' , it allowed viewers to express their opinions of television programmes on air , as well as chat to actors , w...
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You've Done It Again , Haven't You , Whiskers ?
The last ' Doctor ' film is basically a hybrid of ' Doctor At Sea ' and ' Doctor In Clover ' , as once again Phillips wants desperately to get married so he can qualify for a top medical job in America . He tries to propose to his girlfriend Ophelia , but gets knocked unconscious and becomes an accidental stowaway on t...
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Carry On Sweating !
One type of movie we Brits used to do really well was the ' B ' movie . In the ' 50's and ' 60's , British studios churned out dozens of supporting features , inexpensively produced , often featuring actors of whom no-one had ever heard , and while being far from masterpieces they proved very enjoyable . ' Time Lock ' ...
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Tara Steps Back In Time
Linda Thorson regards ' Pandora ' as her favourite ' Avengers ' episode , and it is not hard to see why . Visiting an antiques shop to buy a rare clock , Tara is kidnapped by the Lasindall brothers - Rupert ( Julian Glover ) and Henry ( James Cossins ) . She awakens in a beautifully furnished bedroom . People address h...
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Tell The Critics To Buzz Off !
1944 ; the Nazis are sending V-2's ( flying bombs ) to London . These have an unnerving tendency to fall silent just before they hit , meaning that no-one in the capital can be sure exactly where they will next strike . This is an impressive opening indeed , and would have been even more so had it not been lifted whole...
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Holiday resort ? This is the last resort !
Following ' The Early Bird ' in 1966 , Norman Wisdom split with producer Hugh Stewart ( who went on to bring Morecambe & Wise to the big screen ) , and teamed with Robert Hartford-Davis and Peter Newbrook , later to make exploitation pictures such as ' Incense For The Damned ' and ' Corruption ' . Norman's first work f...
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The Schoolboy Spy !
If you were male , between the ages 9-12 , wore spectacles , and attended British schools in the late ' 60's / early ' 70's , the chances were you were saddled with the unfortunate nickname ' Joe 90 ' . Bullies relentlessly taunted poor kids with that moniker , at least until 1975 when the I . T . V . sitcom ' Get Some...
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Tara Becomes Number Six !
' The Avengers ' often went in for gentle mockery of other spy shows . Sometimes it would be reflected in the story titles , such as ' The Girl From Auntie ' and ' Mission : Highly Improbable ' , while ' The Winged Avenger ' cheekily spoofed the ' Batman ' series . ' Wish You Were Here ' was originally titled ' The Pri...
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One Steed Too Many !
A peace conference is due to take place in a country house somewhere in England . Enemy agents Arcos ( Ray McAnally ) and Zerson ( Norman Jones ) want to sabotage it by creating a double of John Steed , who is there - along with Tara King - as an ' observer ' . Unhappy with the initial result , Arcos orders that the re...
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Charlie Meets E . T . !
Finding an extra-terrestrial being in his back garden one morning , Charlie does what any right-thinking person in the same situation would do - he takes it to the Employment Exchange . Mr . Pugh thinks Charlie is playing some bizarre practical joke , but when the E . T . begins melting plastic objects such as pens and...
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They all look like Winston Churchill !
After an insane woman patient accuses Paul of being the father of her baby , Collier decides to have a vasectomy , and manages to talk Duncan into having one too . Unfortunately , as he makes his way to the theatre , Collier is smitten by a beautiful young woman , and changes his mind . Duncan has the snip , but Paul i...
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They said it couldn't happen here . But it has !
The third episode of ' 1990 ' is a different kettle of fish ; it has more plot than the earlier ones combined . Charles Wainwright ( Ray Smith ) , a union leader , is sent to America by the P . C . D . to promote their cause , but instead makes a powerful speech roundly condemning them . The Home Secretary ( John Savid...
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The Forerunner To ' That's Life '
' Braden's Week ' was a Saturday night consumer affairs programme , hosted by the late Bernard Braden , assisted by Esther Rantzen and John Pitman . I viewed two episodes recently ( courtesy of the B . B . C . ' s Archive Trial ) , and could see how indebted ' That's Life ! ' was to the earlier show . When , in the lat...
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Not-So Lucky , Lucky Jim
Big things were expected of the talented Enn Reitel in the early ' 80's . This series cast him as Jim Dixon , an ex-University lecturer struggling to make it in Swinging ' 60's London . Dixon is no ' dedicated follower of fashion ' , as he wears glasses and tweed suits with leather elbow patches . The character was ori...
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You've all done very well !
I have to say that I was not a big fan of ' Are You Being Served ? ' when it first aired . I did not dislike it as such , its just that there were ( I thought ) better shows around at the time , such as ' Monty Python's Flying Circus ' , ' Dad's Army ' , ' The Goodies ' and ' Porridge ' . Its only in recent years that ...
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Steed & Tara Go Back To School
Grant , a British agent , snips through barbed wire and gains access to private property . He has not gotten far when a mantrap closes on his foot . As he tries to free himself , a poisonous snake slithers towards him , and takes a bite . Nearby three young people in strange yellow uniforms look on in amusement . So be...
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An Overlooked Gem !
' The Night We Got The Bird ' turned up on Channel 4 one afternoon a few years ago . Never having seen it before , I tuned in . It was hysterical ! Brian Rix plays a nervous young man who marries Dora Bryan , formerly engaged to a disreputable antiques dealer played by Ronald Shiner , who'd died after being chased by t...