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9
Steed Does Some Spade Work !
Millionaire art collector Farrer ( Richard Hurndall ) informs his servant Zoltan ( John Hollis ) that men will soon will be coming to kill him . Handing over a priceless Oriental dagger , he tells him to take it to John Steed . Then he shuts himself in a glass coffin , his ' Last Will & Testament ' laid on his chest . ...
401,584
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9
The Computerised Casanova !
Another great ' Avengers ' episode by Jeremy Burnham . There is a major security leak at The Ministry . Sir Rodney Kellogg , in charge of Missile Coordination , is passing secrets to . . . er , his cleaning woman . Why ? Because he loves her . He is hopelessly infatuated with Martha and will betray his country for her ...
401,084
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9
Keep Your Sunny Side Up !
Following the failure of ' The Magnificent Evans ' in 1984 , Ronnie Barker did one more season of ' Open All Hours ' , before writing his next sitcom himself ( under the pen name ' Bob Ferris ' , also the name of the Rodney Bewes character in ' The Likely Lads ' ) . Set in 1937 , ' Clarence ' was inspired by an episode...
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9
Click . . . click . . . click . . .
Enraged by a letter in a magazine alleging that junior doctors are under worked and overpaid , Paul decides to prove the opposite . He persuades Loftus to initiate a time and motion study . The doctors are made to wear pedometers in their shoes ( devices designed to record the distances they walk ) . Paul also writes t...
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9
The Switched-On Thriller !
When producer Charles K . Feldman was asked why his 1967 film ' Casino Royale ' deviated so much from the source material , he replied that the Eon movies had already swiped most of it . He could have said instead that Jack Smight's ' Kaleidoscope ' , released the year before , was an even more blatant steal of Fleming...
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We Could Laugh Then , We Can Only Cry Now
With its wall-to-wall soaps , crass quiz shows , tacky news coverage and brainless reality series , the launching of Rupert Murdoch's ' Sky T . V . ' in 1988 led some commentators to gloomily predict the beginning of the end for British television . ' K . Y . T . V . ' was a retaliatory strike against this new threat ;...
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That's the first rule of comedy . You've got to have reality !
I very nearly did not see ' Hi-De-Hi ! ' . I think it must have been the title that put me off . In those days , the Welsh language editions of ' The Radio Times ' only used to print titles of certain shows without imparting a scrap of information as to what they were actually about . ' Hi-De-Hi ! ' suggested to me a b...
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9
A Shining Planet Known as Earth !
The new ' Battlestar Galactica ' does nothing for me I'm afraid . Warning bells rang when Edward James Olmos told fans not to bother to tune in . I did but switched off in disgust during the pilot ( though I viewed it in full some time later ) when Baltar had sex with a Cylon ! Such ridiculous scenes did not endear it ...
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Dare You Enter The Crypt ?
As the 1970's got underway , horror movies became increasingly graphic ( and sexually explicit ) as audiences demanded more and more visceral shocks . Even Hammer had to move with the times , albeit half-heartedly . However , Amicus - their only major rival - chose to stay within certain boundaries . ' Tales From The C...
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9
Jim Didn't Really Fix It . . . It Was Roger !
One afternoon at school , our history teacher - Mr . Devonauld - was late , so the class filled in time the way kids do normally when left to their own devices - hard studying . Actually , that last bit is not true . The room was full of smutty talk and flying chalk . One girl , though , was oblivious to the chaos . He...
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9
Harold's Punctured Romance
' Cosmo-Bongo ' and his wife must have led very sheltered lives if they found this film ' horribly upsetting ' . Whether you like it or not , for millions of British working class people , this was their way of life ; cobblestones , tin baths , outside toilets and all . ' Steptoe & Son ' , while not a patch on the tele...
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9
Better Than ' Telly Addicts '
In 1976 , I . T . V . celebrated its twenty-first birthday , and ' Those Wonderful T . V . Times ' was one of several retrospective programmes . It was a daytime game show ( hosted originally by Barry Cryer and Madeline Smith , then Norman Vaughan ) in which two teams of celebrities ( including Mike Reid , Jimmy Logan ...
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9
The Big Day
The final episode of the second ' Shelley ' series ended with our hero marrying Fran . Quite a few sitcoms have featured ' wedding ' episodes - ' Father Dear Father ' , ' Man About The House ' , ' Doctor In Charge ' , ' Please Sir ! ' and ' In Loving Memory ' to name but a few . This one is structured unusually in that...
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9
Perfect Is Right !
Channel surfing late one night , I came across this retro show in which celebrities revealed their favourite television programmes and stated their reasons for liking them . A sort of ' Desert Island Discs ' of the airwaves . The idea's not new , of course . In the 90's , Emma Freud did a similar show on B . B . C . - ...
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Its time to establish in-law relations !
Visiting a health shop , Shelley is appalled at the high prices of some of the items . Picking up a potato , he remarks : " What's this been grown in ? Yeti droppings ? " . The moment he and Fran have long dreaded has arrived . Travelling by train , they arrive at the country home / farm of Gordon Smith , Fran's rich D...
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What does ' thermatological ' mean ? ' The first episode of the second series of ' Shelley ' , though not broadcast as such due to the I . T . V . strike of 1979 . The last three episodes of Season 1 were appended to the beginning of Season 2 , making this in fact the fourth episode transmitted in 1980 . Confused ? Ye...
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9
And that's the best joke I know !
Hardly anyone remembers ' Carrott's Lib ' now , yet in its day this topical sketch show was every bit as funny as ' Not The Nine O'Clock News ' and the much-later ' Spitting Image ' . It went out late on Saturdays , and became a kind of ' alternative comedy ' successor to the ground-breaking ' T . W . 3 ' . There was p...
401,046
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9
I think you're an infiltrator from I . T . V !
' Q5 ' ended in May 1969 . Five months later , ' Monty Python's Flying Circus ' debuted on B . B . C . - 1 . Spike Milligan must have watched with dismay as this imitator brazenly stole his thunder ( to be fair , the Pythons openly acknowledged their debt to the earlier show ) . In 1975 , with the team having moved ont...
401,538
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1,162,605
9
Locked Out !
Mrs . Hollingbery is convinced Alf wants to molest her , so she locks him in his bedroom while he sleeps . The next morning , he wakes and finds he cannot go to the toilet . In desperation , he climbs out of the window and tries to do it in the garden . Various passers-by keep him from answering the call of nature . Mr...
400,846
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9
Dennis In The Dock !
Left to his own devices one evening in the pub , Dennis falls in with a group of leather-jacketed hoodlums . After plying him with drink , they rob a chocolate machine . The police show up ( how efficient the boys in blue were back in 1971 ! ) , and arrest them . Poor Dennis goes up before the local Magistrate . But he...
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9
He must have walked out on himself !
Dennis has settled into his new flat , where he spends his spare time making model aeroplanes . One evening he receives an unexpected visitor - his father . Drunken Mr . Dunstable is on his own again , his wife having left him . With no money coming in , he is forced to take a job , that of ' tally man ' , or debt coll...
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9
A lot of villains are having a tickle !
Duffy , Craven and Dennis are doing a decorating job for the London gangster Mr . Bowler . His trendy flat comes equipped with all the latest gadgets and labour saving devices , as well as blue movies on tap and lampshades bearing topless photos of his wife . Sacked from Luigi's restaurant , Frankie becomes a security ...
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9
You're In The Army Now !
Sacked from Archie's detective agency on account of the quality of his work ( ie . never having done any ) , Frankie decides to enlist in the military . His mother is horrified to learn that ' her little soldier ' intends on becoming just that . Seeing himself as the new Lee Marvin , Frankie reports to barracks , and s...
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9
I never had that fight with Sean Connery !
Invalided out of the army , Frankie is unemployed , and takes to the streets in his ' private eye ' gear . After seeing Craven driving his new scooter , Frankie is jealous . Attempting to steal a car , he crashes it . Put on probation , Frankie is asked the whereabouts of his father by an inquiring officer . Even Frank...
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9
I'm listening to the twaddle you're talking !
Of all the ' Shelley ' episodes I have reviewed , this was the most difficult to do because nothing much actually happens in it . There are no subsidiary characters , just the three main ones . Shelley and Fran are in their bed-sit as usual . She is engrossed in a dog-eared copy of George Orwell's ' Keep The Aspidistra...
401,206
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9
We're The Young Generation & We've Got Something To Say !
No-one has ever tried to pretend that ' The Monkees ' were anything more than a pop group specifically created for a television show , and to sell bubblegum music to kids . That said , it should also be noted how talented Mike Nesmith , Peter Tork , David Jones , and Micky Dolenz were as comedy performers , far more so...
400,805
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9
Espionage In Space
' One Way To The Moon ' is one of my favourite ' Time Tunnel ' episodes , made just before the show got bogged down with historical battles and alien invasions . Its one of only two spy stories in the series , the other being ' Secret Weapon ' , and its a pity they did not do more in similar vein . The premise is this ...
401,552
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9
How To Steal A Starfish
' Madame Sin ' was a late addition to the cycle of James Bond rip-offs that began in the ' 60's . It was the creation of American writer Lou Morheim and Barry Shear , the latter responsible for directing several ' Man From U . N . C . L . E . ' episodes . The script though was by Barry Oringer and David Greene , who al...
401,151
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9
Loosely Based On The Life Of Margaret Powell
' Beryl's Lot ' starred Carmel McSharry as Beryl Humphries , a middle-aged housewife with time on her hands who , to the surprise of her friends and family decides to study philosophy at night school . It results in a change of attitude on her part to life , much to her husband's disdain , as well as new friends whom h...
401,624
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9
Fantasising Smalltown Boy
I was wary of revisiting this show , fearing it might not live up to my fond memories . I need not have worried . ' Billy Liar ' is still great fun , boasting superb scripts by Keith Waterhouse and Willis Hall , good performances by George A . Cooper , Colin Jeavons as the gloomy ' Mr . Shadrach ' , Pamela Vezey , Sall...
401,651
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9
When Jason Was Breathless !
A . T . V . ' s ' A Sharp Intake Of Breath ' gave David Jason his first solo comedy hit following years of supporting roles in series such as ' Hark At Barker ' ( in which he played ' Dithers ' the 100-year old gardener ) , the ' Doctor ' series , and two failed attempts at a show of his own - ' The Top Secret Life Of ...
401,582
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9
Dumping Dad
By the time the third season of ' Steptoe & Son ' went on air , the programme had become a national institution . Harold and Albert are in the country when they espy a lovely old Victorian house . Harold wonders if it is the property of a millionaire . His enthusiasm for the place causes his father to be suspicious . H...
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9
Pommy beer is flatter than a witch's tit !
An Australian turns up at Oil Drum Lane , Shepherd's Bush , purporting to be Arthur , Albert's long-lost son . He has come to the U . K . to settle down , without actually doing any work . The big mouthed Aussie gets his feet under the Steptoe's table , takes money off them at every opportunity , and pushes poor Harold...
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9
Its Bickerstaff's revenge !
Duncan , Dick and Paul wish to attend a rugby match between England and Wales at Cardiff Arms Park . For Collier , it is no problem , but the others fear their wives may not approve . Salvation comes in the unlikely form of Kenneth Bickerstaff , an old student colleague who has had the decency to drop dead whilst train...
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9
The Sweet Smell Of Oblivion
Mention the now-defunct ' Granada Television ' to most people and the first thing they are likely to think of is ' Coronation Street ' . It also had a reputation for quality period drama series such as ' Country Matters ' and ' The Jewel In The Crown ' . It may surprise them to learn that the company was responsible fo...
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9
I've got hair on my chest and Susan's got boobs !
' The Fosters ' was the first British sitcom to star an all-black cast . A year after it ended , London Weekend Television gave us ' Mixed Blessings ' , written by Sid Green , a former gag man for Morecambe and Wise . The premise is this : university graduates Thomas Simpson ( the late Christopher Blake ) and Susan Lam...
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When Thieves Collide !
Back in the U . S . A . , Mundy is approached at the airport by a sexy blonde who tells him that a man in a phone booth has a gun trained on him . She orders him to get on a plane bound for Geneva . He gives his would-be kidnappers the slip and reports back to Noah Bain . The S . I . A . chief has a new mission for him...
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9
Ahoy There Shipmates !
Appearing recently on an I . T . V . - 1 documentary about L . W . T . ' s ' Doctor ' series , producer Humphrey Barclay said : " ' Doctor At Sea ' sank without trace . Nobody wanted it , nobody talks about it now . " . I think he was being unduly harsh . I like the show , and am happy to talk about it anytime to anyon...
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9
To Sea Or Not To Sea ?
A fancy dress party to mark the end of the M . S . Begonia's voyage is interrupted by an emergency operation . The Purser , dressed as Hitler , gives blood . Duncan is fed up of being a ship's doctor . Falling out with Dick , he returns to St . Swithin's alone to plead with Professor Sir Geoffrey Loftus for his old job...
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Harmless Fun From A More Innocent Age
' Here Come The Double Deckers ! ' premiered on B . B . C . - T . V . in 1970 and was repeated virtually every summer for years thereafter . Nobody objected because it was a thumping good show ; a high-spirited comic version of Enid Blyton's ' Secret Seven ' , replete with singing , dancing , and lots of slapstick . If...
401,431
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Four Away !
Albert makes a steak and kidney pie for tea . Alas , his culinary skills are hardly in the Delia Smith class , involving the use of a beer bottle as a rolling pin , and his dentures to make a pattern round the edge of the crust . Harold takes one bite , and encounters a tooth . It isn't his , either . Harold has purcha...
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The gerboa . . . is an animal !
5C's imaginations are fired up by a wildlife documentary . Mr . Hedges suggest they ' adopt ' one of the animals at the local zoo . They choose a ' gerboa ' , a small , jumping rodent more commonly known as a ' desert rat ' . They christen it Norman . Naturally , Potter is not happy about the situation . The class grow...
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Who is Sylvia ? What is she ?
Doris Ewell is invited by relatives to go and live in Australia . She accepts . To her amazement , Mr . Cromwell laughs when she tells him the news , so in revenge she snips off the heads of his flowers . 5C are besides with themselves with glee at the thought of ' Rotten ' Ewell emigrating . Even the teachers , partic...
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Before Daniel , There Was John !
The late James Mitchell is best remembered as the creator of ' Callan ' , a long-running television spy series that starred Edward Woodward . Not so well remembered is a quartet of novels he wrote featuring another spy - John Craig of ' Department K ' . These were ' The Man Who Sold Death ' , ' Die Rich Die Happy ' , '...
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But I'm Telling You The Plot !
The British public adored the late Kenny Everett , and it is not hard to see why . He was naturally funny , able to make the corniest of jokes ( and Barry Cryer and Ray Cameron supplied him with quite a few ) seem hysterical . After his massively successful Thames T . V . series came to an end ( Kenny was apparently un...
400,806
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I don't know what you mean , Miss !
The Goodies launch their own newspaper - The Clarion & Globe - with middling results . Bill's heart is just not in it . As ace reporter , he is hopelessly incompetent , missing major scoops such as a bank robbery , a fire and Prime Minister Harold Wilson streaking . Tim discovers that Bill is in love with the stunning ...
401,212
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The Last Dodo !
Tim and Graeme are members of ' The Endangered Species Club ' - a brigade of whiskered , upper class toffs who love to shoot anything that moves . So Bill sets up ' The Anti-Endangered Species Club ' , dedicated to the preservation of wildlife , and finds a Dodo , long thought to be extinct . The Dodo makes a nuisance ...
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Worms ? Full of protein !
Desperate for some good , old fashioned home cooking , the Goodies visit Uncle Tom's farm . From a control room not unlike the bridge of the U . S . S . Enterprise , Uncle Tom uses modern technology to carry out such traditional duties as mucking out the pigsty and milking the cows . The Goodies volunteer to help out w...
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That's All Folks !
Pet shop owner Graeme sells Tim a ' Barbara Woodhouse ' dog training kit , which turns him into a facsimile of the eccentric lady herself . But when Tim calls out " Walkies ! " in the park , his dog ignores him . However , passers-by respond to the command . Tim and Graeme begin a new business - to sell people who act ...
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Heavy Petting !
Miss Petting tries to interest 5C in dancing , but the only music they want to gyrate to is the latest Top 10 . As her depression worsens , Mr . Hurst tries to cheer her up by asking her round his place for dinner that evening . She accepts , only to then discover he is married . Daisy , meanwhile , is not having much ...
401,354
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Nanny Knows Best !
The Goodies are out of work , with no offers of employment forthcoming . Then a creepy elderly couple hires them to act as nanny ( Tim ) , cook ( Bill ) , and gardener ( Graeme ) for one day . They entrust the Goodies with the responsibility of caring for Cecily , their niece . Cecily claims to be the heir to a vast fa...
401,171
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High Noon For Price !
Terry's dad is out of jail following a six month stretch for armed robbery ( actually , he'd tried to steal a handbag in a busy high street ) . Terry boasts in a school essay that his dad intends beating up Mr . Price in revenge for him giving evidence at the trial . When Price hears of this , he is terrified . But he ...
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The barbarians are at the gates of Fenn Street . !
Hedges ' latest plan to turn 5C into towering intellectual geniuses is the creation of a library , open after school hours and supervised by Potter . The caretaker isn't keen on the idea though . With him out of the way , the class are free to use the place for non-curricular activities , such as smoking and drinking ....
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Show Us Your Belly Buttons !
Hedges is appalled by the poor quality of the sex education 5C is receiving . Price has been using rabbits to explain the subject , leaving the class either ignorant or indifferent . Frankie is among the former ; his mother has told him that the sex act involves the belly button ( navel ) . The teacher resolves to tell...
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Charity Begins At Fenn Street !
Fenn Street School has raised a surprisingly large amount of money for charity as the result of a sponsored walk . Mr . Cromwell plans to hand it over to a bigwig named Sir Giles at a special ceremony . Then disaster strikes - the money goes missing from Cromwell's safe . Being the sort of person he is , Potter immedia...
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Much Better Than Expected
Usually in movie franchises ( particularly superhero ones ) the third film is the one where it starts to run out of steam . This was certainly true of ' Superman 3 ' and ' Batman Forever ' - though a very enjoyable movie - was not as good as the two preceding it . So it was with some trepidation that I sat down to watc...
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Gee Whiz !
U . F . O . buff Des Kinvig ( Tony Haygarth ) runs a shabby electrical shop somewhere in London . He is married to the dog-loving Netta ( Patsy Rowlands ) , and his best friend is Jim Piper ( Colin Jeavons ) , a wild-eyed loon who thinks the Government are covering up the existence of extra-terrestrial beings . One of ...
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Enter : Maya
One of the aggravating things about ' 1999 ' Year 2 was how it began promisingly then went rapidly downhill . The opener - ' The Metamorph ' - was by Johnny Byrne , one of the show's key writers , and directed by the reliable Charles Crichton . Set some years after the events of ' The Testament of Arkadia ' , it begins...
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I'm a lumberjack , and I'm O . K . . . .
This was the Pythons ' first attempt at a movie - made when the series was still in production - and , while in no way comparable to later classics such as ' Holy Grail ' and ' Life Of Brian ' , its good fun , and a lot better than many of the films-based-on-T . V . sitcoms made around at that time . Playboy club boss ...
401,405
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The Goodies Movie ?
Failing spectacularly in various bids for pop stardom , the Goodies become the super-group of all time by stealing ideas from the likes of ' Wizzard ' , ' The Osmonds ' and ' The Rubettes ' . So successful are they that the Queen gives them O . B . E . ' s during a rainstorm at Buckingham Palace . A new dance called ' ...
401,043
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Yo , Biggles !
Cards on the table time - I have not read the ' Biggles ' books by Captain W . E . Johns . I remember seeing them on sale in the children's book department of W . H . Smiths back in the 1970's , but never plucked up the courage to actually buy one . I was more into the ' Nick Carter - Killmaster ' novels . I assumed th...
401,104
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The Girl From Nowhere
At Dr . Denholt's clinic , suicide victim Jane Brown is resuscitated using an experimental drug . Her memory gone , she cannot tell anyone why she took her own life . All anyone knows is that she was found in a seedy hotel room , crouched before a gas fire . To remain alive , Jane must receive regular injections of the...
400,968
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Dennis & His Dummy !
Albert Baker is trapped in a world of romantic fantasy . But his attempts to play the great lover backfire each time . Falling out with his current girlfriend , he walks home alone . In the display window of a London department store , he spots an unusually attractive dummy . It comes to life , and smiles at him . So s...
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Anarchy In The U . K .
' Shades Of Greene ' was an I . T . V . anthology series based on the works of Graham Greene . The episode which most sticks in my mind was the last of the first season - ' The Destructors ' - which was adapted by the recently deceased John Mortimer and directed by Michael Apted . Set in ' 50's Britain , it tells the s...
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Programmed To Kill
Inga Madison is the creator of ' Computex ' , a computer with the ability to think faster than the human mind . Her husband , Ralph , suspects her of having an affair with the handsome Stuart Crosbie , and hires a private detective to keep tabs on her . His worst fears are confirmed . Ralph uses Computex to devise an i...
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Stalked By The Seaside !
Barbara King , a young American woman , checks in at the Beach Hotel , Hastings . Unfortunately , her hopes for a peaceful holiday ( she is recovering from a breakdown brought on by over-work and a failed romance ) fade almost immediately . As she sleeps , a mysterious figure in hat and glasses enters her room , and ap...
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Death Behind Glass
Jimmy Rintoul wishes to become a composer , but his prospective manager , the trendy Rollo Verdew , has no money to promote him . Noticing Jimmy's dead butterfly collection ( he kills them by means of a jar he calls a ' killing bottle ' ) , an evil idea forms in Rollo's mind . He invites Jimmy to stay at his wealthy br...
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The Jerry Crown Affair !
London-based private detective Jerry Crown is handsome , intelligent , and a wow with the ladies . About the only thing he is not is rich . Joyce , his present girlfriend , works as secretary to a fabulously wealthy American widow by the name of Leona Gillings , a devout believer in the supernatural . Leona wishes to c...
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A Portrait Of Evil
Wartime London . Crichton , a young serviceman , rushes home to tell fiancé Alison Benedict the good news - he has obtained leave and a marriage licence . He finds her in bed with an American . Shocked , he runs off . Moments later , the house is partially destroyed in an air raid . Years pass . The rebuilt property is...
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Man Or Monster ?
Charles and Margaret Wilson have a teenage son they refer to only as ' Boy ' . He is a mutant , the next stage in human evolution . Outwardly he is perfectly normal , except for a curious lack of fingernails . He is blessed ( cursed ? ) with strange psychic powers - he can make people do what he wants just by thinking ...
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Beware ' The Whelp ' !
Teacher Craig Miller is surprised when his pupil Rodney Blake makes an unusually good sketch . The boy had previously displayed no artistic ability whatever . When Blake is attacked in class , he stares at his attacker in an unnerving manner - the terrified boy crashes through a window . Miller and another teacher , Ji...
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We don't want you to spy . . . we want you to steal !
In a hotel in Lisbon , two sinister looking men enter an elevator , one with a briefcase chained to his wrist . When the doors open , a third man - wearing a mask and carrying a gun - backs out , the briefcase now in his possession . Another man , also armed , approaches him from behind . The would-be thief hands the c...
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I'm Dreaming Of A Blue ( Peter ) Christmas
This was a lame excuse to run the bits that didn't get into ' I Love The ' 70's ' the previous summer . Again the Z-listers were trotted out to tell us what they once got for Christmas , or rather what they would have got had they been alive then . The main attraction for us forty-somethings was seeing John Noakes , Pe...
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Virtually Forgotten
' Virtual Murder ' crept into the B . B . C . - 1 schedules in the summer of 1992 where , unsurprisingly , it went unnoticed . A brave attempt to do an offbeat mystery series in the manner of ' The Avengers ' , it starred the late Nicholas Clay as Dr . John Cornelius , a brilliant professor who specialises in investiga...
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Excellent Comedy
An egg-timer full of eggs . That was the curious image which opened ' After That , This ' week after week , and it set the tone for what followed . More whimsical than satirical , the sketches tried to ape ' Python ' slightly by dispensing with punchlines . In one , Bron disrupts a dinner party by pretending to be a ca...
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Eric Chappell's Forgotten Sitcom
I hope ' The Squirrels ' never return . It drove me nuts ! went a letter in ' The People ' newspaper in 1976 . I suppose it was inevitable that someone would make a crack like that , about a show with such a daft title . Writer / creator Eric Chappell described it as being about ' the paranoia and lust for promotion ...
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' The Professionals ' Was The Real McCoy
Alongside ' The Sweeney ' , ' The Professionals ' is probably the best-remembered British action series of the 1970's . It was created by Brian Clemens , and followed hot on the heels of ' The New Avengers ' . Martin Shaw and Lewis Collins had appeared together in an episode ( ' Obsession ' ) . I was not immediately wo...
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The End Of An Era
Its 5C's last day at Fenn St . School and , as you'd expect , they can't wait to see the back of the place . Hedges asks Price to be best man at his forthcoming wedding and , in so doing , offends Potter , who had had his heart set on the job . To console the caretaker , Hedges offers him the role of Chief Usher , assu...
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My Dad Won't Let Me Work At The Brewery !
With 5C's time at Fenn St . School drawing to a close , the pupils have to start thinking about work . To everyone's amazement , Frankie lands a job in a private detective agency - but as a tea-boy . It does not stop him from fantasising about being Humphrey Bogart , however . After failing to secure a job , Dennis is ...
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What Did You Do In The War , Mr . Potter ?
Potter is a member of the local Old Comrades Association , where he bores everyone by blathering on about his war experiences . The only reason he gets selected to lead the forthcoming veterans ' parade is that no-one had the nerve to blackball him . Exactly how true Potter's experiences are will soon be put to the tes...
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Who's that walking across my sky ?
A regular feature on ' The Benny Hill show ' for years were ' spoof outtakes ' - moments of television when things would , for whatever reason , go wrong . A door refusing to open , an actor fumbling his lines , a bit of scenery collapsing , that sort of thing . These ' quickies ' were very funny and hugely popular . T...
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The Gang's All Here ! ( Well , Almost )
Its Cromwell's maddest idea yet ; Eton has Old Etonians , so why not have Fenn Street School ' Old Fennians ' ? A special reunion day for former pupils is planned . A blue and green ' Old Fennian ' tie goes on sale , and teachers compete to see who can come up with the best school song . But on Old Fennians Day , only ...
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Food , Inglorious Food !
Mrs . Savage is the chief cook at Fenn Street School , and the one thing that pupils and teachers can all agree on is that her food is absolutely terrible . The only person unaware of this is Mr . Cromwell , mainly because Potter has been substituting his meals with ones made by his wife Ruby . The wily caretaker has a...
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June !
One of the most unfairly maligned programmes of all time , ' Terry & June ' was also one of the most popular sitcoms of the ' 70's and ' 80's . It started life as ' Happy Ever After ' , but when Eric Merriman decided he didn't want to write any more , it changed into this , hence the dropping of ' Aunt Lucy ' and the F...
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The Man With The Deadly Stick
This episode gave British viewers an early sighting of Felicity Kendal ( billed as ' Kendall ' ) , then aged 20 . As one of the millions of males who lusted after her when she scrubbed fireplaces in ' The Good Life ' , I have no hesitation in listing this among my favourite ' Suitcase ' adventures , and not just becaus...
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In Search Of Venus
This episode opens in 1944 , as British and German soldiers fight it out in San Vincenzo , Italy . Foley ( Harold Goodwin ) becomes fascinated by a painting he sees in a bombed-out art gallery , so he takes it . It is none other than Sandro Botticelli's ' Head Of Venus ' , and is worth an absolute fortune . In 1967 , a...
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Wild Child
Sue Mandel ( Judy Geeson ) is young , beautiful , and rich . Also a bit of a rebel . Her father ( George A . Cooper ) becomes concerned about the company she has fallen into , namely a pair of upper-class confidence tricksters named Colin ( Peter Blythe ) and Charles ( David Cole ) . Pretending to be her friends , they...
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That'll teach him to call on Ash Wednesday !
A year after the excellent ' Holiday With Strings ' , Les Dawson was back for more Hancockian capers , courtesy of Ray Galton and Alan Simpson . Les goes to a psychiatrist as he is incredibly depressed . Also there are a man so shy he hides behind a newspaper ( only his eyes are visible through a hole ) , a mad Colonel...
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C'mon , We're Putting On The Nonsense . . .
In the pre-'Tiswas ' early ' 70's , I . T . V . filled up Saturday mornings with repeats of ' Captain Scarlet & The Mysterons ' , as well as American imports like ' H . R . Pufnstuf ' ( starring the late Jack Wild ) , ' Elephant Boy ' , and , of course , ' Tomfoolery ' ( though it was actually made in Britain ) . To gi...
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Terror In An English Village
Dying peripatetic agent John Gilsen ( John Carson ) has information that could put one of the world's biggest drug networks out of business for good . Naturally , they are not happy about this , so their killers pursue him relentlessly across the globe . Peters ( James Villiers ) , the head of the network , comes up wi...
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Target : McGill
Mac is leaving a pub in the company of his current girlfriend Moira ( Rosemary Nicols ) and his drunken American chum Willard ( Donald Sutherland ) when a car races by , and the driver calls out : " Mariocki , we are going to kill you ! " . Mac shouts back : " You crazy idiot . . . my name's McGill ! " . Later , Mac ge...
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Caught in the web !
With space exploration becoming more and more commonplace , an international committee is set up to define legalities concerning the new territory . One such committee member is Dr . James Norbert ( Ray MacAnally ) , a brilliant American lawyer with a fondness for drink . However , a special interest group wants to del...
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Appendicitis !
The students are attending a lecture on appendicitis given by Dr . Crowfoot ( John Warner ) , a man so clumsy as to give Frank Spencer competition . He is also unbelievably boring . Paul changes the time on the clock so that they can all leave early . Mike develops the symptoms of appendicitis , and requires an operati...
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Kipper Ties & Stethoscopes !
The second episode of ' Doctor In The House ' was the first of many written by Graeme Garden and Bill Oddie . Garden , like Graham Chapman , was a qualified doctor in real life , and thus was able to draw on his own experiences . It was rare in 1969 to see a sitcom in which the cast was predominantly young , hence Geor...
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Students In Soho !
St . Swithins has lost at rugby ( again ) so the students decide to commiserate by going to a Soho strip-club . When they try to gain entry they are told by the doorman that they first have to apply for membership . Luckily who should happen along but Dick and he signs them in . Upton is furious to learn that Dick has ...
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Guarding Rufus
Another adventure for McGill , the ex-C . I . A . agent turned private detective . Mac's latest job comes from an unexpected source - the police ! They want him to keep London gangster Rufus Blake ( George Sewell ) alive for 24 hours so that he can testify against his brothers at the Old Bailey . Tired of being treated...
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I've got appendicitis !
The students are watching a drag act in a nightclub . Their exams are fast approaching , hence this is to be their last ' bit of fun ' before the rigours of studying set in . Studying in St . Swithins is not easy , however , with the students constantly dashing about , and sexy Helga proving a distraction . There is on...
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I'll do the cooking !
Distracted by the noises of the hospital , Mike decides to move out and search for lodgings . His first attempt is a disaster ; a sexy young woman ( Clare Shenstone ) tries to seduce him by pretending to be ill so he can examine her . When her mother returns , she sees what looks like him trying to strangle her . His n...
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A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Cemetery
Upton and Duncan are fed up because the nurses won't go out with them . Collier suggests they buy a car - and knows where he can lay his hands on a cheap one . Unfortunately , it turns out to be a hearse . Parking outside the St . Swithins ' mortuary , Collier goes to fetch the others , but an over-efficient mortician ...
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I think we have made a hideous mistake !
While Loftus awaits to be officially confirmed for a knighthood , he receives some surprising news from his wife . She is bored at home and wishes to return to full-time nursing . He is dead against the idea , but she goes through with it anyway . Lady Cornford's daughter , Annabel , also wishes to be a nurse at St . S...