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401,666 | 7,743,887 | 699,344 | 10 | Junkshop Blues ! | Shelley wants to buy an old book in a junk shop but the dealer tries to make him think it is worth far more than it really is . After a protracted debate , the dealer agrees to let him have it for nothing . Shelley and Fran are in a pub when he meets an old friend from his university days - Paul ' Bunter ' England ( Warren Clarke ) . Bunter wants a bed for the night , so they take him back to their bedsit . Before he knows it , he is invited to replace Ned as best man at their forthcoming wedding . . . I used to love rummaging about in junk shops , usually looking for rare books , and met plenty of characters like the dealer here . I made the mistake of telling one that the book I wanted to buy ( ' Secret Army ' by John Brason ) was a collector's item . Before I knew it , the conniving devil had trebled the price . The arrival of Warren Clarke's ' Bunter ' in the series was especially welcome , as it virtually ruled out the possibility of a return appearance from David Pugh's obnoxious ' Ned ' . The latter , we are told , has gone to Australia , where hopefully he was savaged to death by a koala . I'm giving this top marks for the superbly written scene where Shelley learns that Fran has purchased a job-lot from the junk shop , which includes tables , chairs , a commode , nine ashtrays , paintings , the complete works of Sir Walter Scott - but no bed ! " Fine , we'll curl up together in the wardrobe ! " , says Shelley . But its not the funniest moment . That honour belongs to the pub scene in which Shelley grumbles at length at the cheese roll he has bought at the bar . A moment or so later , a man walks past and steals it . It is ' Bunter ' of course , but Shelley does not yet know this . Having complained about the roll , Shelley then expresses outrage at having had it stolen from under its nose ! |
401,526 | 7,743,887 | 74,895 | 10 | Meriel - Imaginary , Real Or Hallucinatory ? | 1976 was a good year for anyone who loved well-crafted supernatural anthology shows . I . T . V . gave the world Nigel Kneale's ' Beasts ' , while B . B . C . - 2 had ' The Mind Beyond ' , a six-part series produced by Irene Shubik , the driving force behind the legendary science fiction series ' Out Of The Unknown ' . The first edition was ' Meriel , The Ghost Girl ' by David Halliwell . It begins when George Livingston ( the wonderful and much-missed Donald Pleasence ) , a psychical investigator , is asked to attend a séance in Cricklewood . One of the circle's number , a rich French woman , claims to have received visitations from the ghost of her late daughter Meriel , who was only seven when she died . To preserve their anonymity , the circle give themselves fake names such as ' Miss Brown and ' Mr . Green ' etc . Livingston insists on searching the room where the séance is to take place , then subjects the members of the circle to a body search . Satisfied , he allows the séance to proceed . The room goes dark and cold . The only sound to be heard is the deep breathing of the circle's members . Sensing a presence at his shoulder , Livingston reaches out and touches the naked body of a living , breathing child . Meriel has arrived . He asks her several questions , but the only one she replies to is " Do you love your mother ? " . She says yes . Meriel's mother bursts into tears . Suddenly , the ghost girl is gone . Unable to rationalise what he has seen , Livingston describes the incident in his book ' Annals Of A Psychical Investigator ' . Years later , he dies of bronchial pneumonia but the mystery of Meriel refuses to die with him . Others take up the case . The first of these is Sam Nicholls ( John Bluthal ) , a brash American with a fondness for trench coats and cigars . This poor man's Sam Spade begins to check on the authenticity of the book's details but on failing to find any concrete evidence concludes that Livingstone made the whole thing up in order to boost sales . Robina Oliver ( Janet Street-Porter . . . yes , THAT Janet Street-Porter ) is not so sure and , after searching Cricklewood , comes across a house identical to the one Livingstone described . The trail takes her to Miss Furniss ( Jane Hayden ) who claims to have been Meriel . She says she faked the apparition at the request of her parents who wanted to take the French woman for an expensive ride . Robina is sceptical . How can a fourteen year old girl realistically impersonate a seven year old ? Robina is genuinely convinced that Meriel existed . The last investigator , Dr . Delane ( Charles Keating ) , has an alternative view of the case . He thinks that she was nothing more than a mass hallucination . So what we have is a dramatised version of the ' Meriel ' incident , followed by three widely differing interpretations . Of these the Street-Porter one is the most interesting , mainly because its easy to believe Miss Furniss ' claims that the whole thing was faked . Remember that ' Sherlock Holmes ' creator Sir Arthur Conan-Doyle was fooled by some photos of ' fairies ' he once saw . Street-Porter cannot act to save her life , but thankfully she is only required to be herself . By contrast the Bluthal sequence borders on farce , with the actor behaving as though he has wandered straight off the set of Spike Milligan's ' Q ' series . The opening twenty or so minutes with Pleasence are excellent , and the séance scene registers on the ' creep-o-meter ' . When the other investigators take over it loses momentum slightly , but the theories put forward are nonetheless fascinating . The play ends with no real conclusion , the viewers are instead invited to make up their own minds . If it ever comes out on D . V . D . , I reasonably expect the scene in which Livingston encounters Meriel to be cut . This intriguing ghost story may not scare the pants off you , but it will certainly make you think . |
401,482 | 7,743,887 | 723,608 | 10 | I know his father ! He wears yellow trousers and stutters ! | Alf's leg is broken as a result of him slipping on a freshly polished floor ( he thinks Else did it on purpose to try and claim insurance money ) and he is off work , confined to a wheelchair . She claims it was his own fault as he was drunk at the time . Left alone for hours in the dark , he is bored out of his mind and begs his family to bring him downstairs , which they do - with great difficulty . He is still miserable though , especially when Gran turns up , starts drinking whisky and talking about terminal illnesses . To get away from her , he goes to the pub . Else tries pushing both him and Rita's baby's pram simultaneously , but the effort proves too much and she walks off . Three youths push him the rest of the way . Leaving him outside , they take cigarettes off the landlord and tell him to put them on Alf's slate . He gives them crisps as a reward for their ' kindness ' . Mike finds the youths have drugged Alf's beer and painted a clown's face on him to use him for ' Penny For The Guy ' purposes . . . This was the last episode of Season 4 ( though a Christmas Special would follow shortly ) . Following a four year gap , ' Till Death Us Do Part ' had resumed production , and in glorious colour to boot . According to Mark Ward's new book ' A Family At War ' , the decision to revive Alf was partly motivated by the success of the American version ' All In The Family ' . The other reason was that I . T . V . had scored a batch of comedy hits such as ' On The Buses ' , ' Please Sir ! ' , and the ' Doctor ' series and the B . B . C . wished to compete , so they revived not only this but also ' Steptoe & Son ' , ' The Likely Lads ' and ' Sykes ' . Certainly the show benefited from the break . This being the ' 70's , there was a Tory Government in power and new targets for the humour . Joan Sims guested in most of the new shows as ' Gran ' , the gin-sodden geriatric . As was the case with Clive Dunn in ' Dad's Army ' , the actress - quite an attractive woman at that time - was able to portray old people convincingly . Else's indifference at her husband's discomfort is amusing , though it is sad to think that over a decade later she would be the one in the wheelchair . The ringleader of the tear-aways is Richard Speight , son of the show's creator / writer , who would reappear in ' In Sickness & In Health ' as Marigold's boyfriend ' Goldie ' . In an amusing in-joke , Alf refers to the boy's dad as someone who wears yellow trousers and stutters ! Both were characteristics of Johnny Speight . Alf would have his face repainted in an episode of the I . T . V . sequel ' Till Death ' , only then it was Rita's teenage son who did the deed . Funniest moment - Alf looking in a mirror and realising just why everyone is laughing at him ! |
400,710 | 7,743,887 | 699,349 | 10 | Are you sure you're not Bruce Forsyth ? | Shelley and his girlfriend Fran are searching for somewhere to live . In a café , he teases a well-endowed but dim waitress by suggesting a ' spot of troilism ' . It means threesome , but she thinks he is asking for food . At the Unemployment Benefit Office , he collects his Giro from the humourless Alan Forsyth , who is openly contemptuous of him . Then he is shown around a bed-sit by a pleasant but talkative lady named Mrs . Hawkins . He sees one other bed-sit that day . It is disgustingly filthy . Back at the café , Fran tells him that she has found a place , and holds up a bunch of keys . It turns out to be Mrs . Hawkins ' house , and she is none too pleased with the idea of having Shelley as a sitting tenant . . . I can remember watching this opening episode of ' Shelley ' back in 1979 and being amazed at how well written and performed it was , more like a B . B . C . - 2 sitcom than a Thames one . The reference to Thatcher's recent election victory gave the show topicality . Shelley teases Forsyth by stating that as soon as the new Government sorts out the economy , unemployment will fall ( it stood at just over one million then ) , and people such as he will be made redundant . As we now know , it did not fall - it rocketed to three million . Peter Tilbury must have been dead pleased with his show's timing . ' Moving In ' was only his second script , his first being ' Sprout ' in 1974 . John Alderton played ' Darwin Sprout ' who like Shelley was a charming liar and rogue . Though very funny , it failed to develop beyond the pilot stage . ' Moving In ' effectively sets the scene for the series , including many key ingredients such as a rude encounter with a D . H . S . S . ( as it was called then ) officer , Shelley flirting with an attractive woman , and insults traded with landlady Mrs . Hawkins . Josephine Tewson played ' Mrs . Hawkins ' . What can one say about this lady except that she's been brilliant in everything she's been in ? From co-starring with Ronnie Barker in ' Clarence ' to Patricia Routledge in ' Keeping Up Appearances ' , she is more than a fine supporting actress , but a comedy legend in her own right . Most of the best moments of the early seasons of ' Shelley ' involved her and Hywel Bennett . As the tight-lipped ' Alan Forsyth ' , Kenneth Cope provides a nicely dry counterbalance to Shelley's sarcastic wit . I have to throw in a quick mention of Rosie Collins as the waitress . This attractive actress cropped up in numerous television shows of the late ' 70's / early ' 80's , such as ' Emery Presents ' and ' Victoria Wood As Seen On T . V . ' . We don't see her anymore but she made a great impression on yours truly at the time . Shelley's rude comments about the Asian man's bed-sit probably would not be allowed now . The scene with the ' accomodation agent ' makes chilling viewing . A homeless black man is told there is nothing available , yet when Shelley tries he gets a place straight away . Funniest moment - the look of horror on Mrs . Hawkins ' face when she sees who her new tenant is ! |
401,288 | 7,743,887 | 993,414 | 10 | He's Wearing A Wig ! | Picture the scene ; a man is idly browsing the goods on sale at a tobacconist's kiosk . The owner ( Paul Merton ) asks : " Can I help you ? " . " I'm just looking ! " the man says , to which the owner sarcastically replies : " You're not just looking . You're hearing as well . Now you're speaking . " . We cut to a field where over a soundtrack of bleating sheep , breaking glass and church bells , letters on telegraph wires spell out the show's title : PAUL MERTON THE SERIES . On a busy train , Paul is amused by a fellow passenger's obvious red wig , but says nothing . A ticket inspector enters the carriage , causing Paul to panic as he remembers he forgot to buy one . ' Wiggy ' is escorted to the guard's van for having a two year old ticket on his person . Relieved at not having been rumbled , Paul punches the air in triumph . In so doing , he draws attention to himself . In a publisher's office , McNulty , the author of a new book on Alfred Lord Tennyson , is sounded out for having crudely plagiarised other works . The entire twelfth chapter comes from a book on chickens . In the heat of the row both publisher and author reveal themselves to be fake characters in ' Mission : Impossible ' style masks . Several changes of identity later , they stand exposed as husband and wife . Cue emotional reunion . Back at the kiosk , Paul ( sporting a miniature office desk on his head ) tells us : " I've got a book at home about the paranormal . I did not buy it , it just appeared in my room one night ! " . I think by now you should have a fair idea of the general level of humour . Other surreal flights of fancy are set in a sauna bath , where Paul miraculously conjures up a pint and a cheese ommlette while imprisoned in a wooden box , Paul as a father who tells his lovely daughter Jennifer on her birthday she is ( wait for it ) NOT adopted , and a World War 2 P . O . W . sketch in which he covers for the escapees by carrying with him at all times a pole containing stuffed dummies designed to resemble the absent men . Merton's influences are plain for all to see : ' At Last The 1948 Show ' , ' Marty ' , ' Not Only But Also ' , and yes , ' Monty Python ' . He also brought back something that had been missing from television comedy for some time - visual humour . Alas the show did not make the impact it deserved . It ran only to two seasons , and is presently unavailable on D . V . D . Funniest moment - Paul's line : " My ambition is to ask Lee Harvey Oswald , can you remember where you were when Kennedy was assassinated ? " . |
401,660 | 7,743,887 | 94,535 | 10 | The Boys From The Dwarf | It is hard to believe it is just over twenty years since ' Red Dwarf ' blasted onto our screens . I watched the first episode for two reasons ; firstly , it was the work of Rob Grant and Doug Naylor , writers I knew from their work on ' Carrott's Lib ' and ' Spitting Image ' , and secondly , it combined two life-long interests of mine - comedy and science fiction . The premise is this - mining ship ' Red Dwarf ' has suffered a disaster in space , meaning that most of its crew are dead . The only survivor is Dave Lister ( Craig Charles ) , a slob who loves getting drunk and eating curry . Also around are a life form descended from a cat he smuggled on board , called ' Cat ' ( Danny John-Jules ) , who acts like James Brown , and Arnold Rimmer ( Chris Barrie ) , a hologram of an unpopular technician . There's also a talking computer called ' Holly ' , played first by Norman Lovett and then Hattie Hayridge . I was disappointed by the opening episode , so like the Smeghead that I am did not bother with the show again until it reached its third season . ' Backwards ' opened with a hilarious conversation between Lister and Cat in which the former expressed a secret desire for Wilma Flintstone . It convinced me that the show had changed for the better ( I later caught up with the ones I had missed , and found they were not bad either ) . The same episode brought in as a regular ' Kryten ' ( David Ross , then Robert Llewelyn ) , a robot who speaks in a Canadian accent and who by his own admission looks like Herman Munster's stunt double . The show could have been called ' Lads In Space ' . The cast were superb , particularly Barrie as the conceited ' Rimmer ' , the scripts cleverly exploited the fine line between comedy and sci-fi , and for my money it was one of the best sitcoms of the ' 90's , alongside ' I'm Alan Partridge ' and ' Father Ted ' . Among the many first-rate episodes were ' Demons & Angels ' ( the boys meet evil versions of themselves ) , ' Gunmen Of The Apocalypse ' ( the boys in a space western ) , ' Timeslides ' ( Rimmer tries to change the course of his own history ) , ' D . N . A . ' ( Kryten learns what it is like to be human ) , ' Dimension Jump ' ( Rimmer meets a heroic version of himself - ' Ace ' Rimmer ) . Best of all was ' Back To Reality ' in which the boys think that their ' Dwarf ' experiences have all been part of a Virtual Reality game . Cat's cries of ' Dwayne Dibbley ! ' were hilarious ! With such a strong cast and production crew , the show attained a peak of perfection unseen in British comedy for years previously - and some would say , not since . It was also a hit in America , and they attempted their own version , from all accounts it was not very good . Sadly , Naylor and Grant parted company , and the seventh season was written by Naylor and other writers such as Kim Fuller . Robert Llewelyn himself co-wrote one . The absence of Grant , plus a move onto film , and Chris Barrie only appearing in a handful of episodes , resulted in Season Seven looking a bit patchy . The inclusion of a new female character - ' Kochanski ' ( Chloe Annett ) made things worse . She was to the boys from the Dwarf what Zeppo had been to the Marx Bros . Things perked up a bit in Season Eight . Rimmer came back full-time , Norman Lovett returned as ' Holly ' , and Naylor wrote every episode alone , ensuring the comedy was more consistent . Bringing back the entire crew , including the Captain , was a mistake though ( as was the retaining of Kochanski ) . The show simply did not need them . And that sadly is where the ' Red Dwarf ' story ends . It is now ten years since the transmission of Season Eight . Naylor has tried to get a ' Dwarf ' feature film made but without success . I wish he had instead devoted the time to writing more television episodes . ' Sky Television ' have announced a pair of specials for transmission sometime in the year . Hopefully they will feature the original cast . The idea of a bunch of nobodies as ' Rimmer ' , ' Cat ' , ' Lister ' et al does not exactly thrill me . |
401,441 | 7,743,887 | 187,646 | 10 | Bob Helmets Is Dead ? | I hated the first episode of this show ( ' Protesting Hippies ' ) so much in 1999 that I shunned the rest . However , when it came on ' The Paramount Comedy Channel ' I watched it in full and , to my surprise , found it absolutely hilarious ( Motto : never judge a comedy series in its first week ) ! Set in 1969 , ' Hippies ' stars Simon Pegg as ' Ray Purbbs ' , editor of an ' Oz'-like underground magazine called ' Mouth ' . His friends are the feminist Jill , laid-back Alex , and the half-wit Hugo . Back in the late ' 60's , there was a feeling of incredible optimism amongst the young , that they could change the world through the printing of magazines nobody read . Rather than sneering at the hippies ' naivety , ' Hippies ' is affectionate towards it . Arthur Mathews ' scripts cheekily parody a number of that era's icons - ' Hair ' , ' Woodstock ' , ' The Graduate ' , even the infamous ' Oz ' obscenity trial of the early ' 70's . Excellent performances from the cast ; Julian Rhind-Tutt's ' Alex ' strangely put me in mind of the Richard O'Sullivan character from ' Man About The House ' . Its a shame that there was never a second series , possibly because of people like me . If you missed ' Hippies ' , give it a try . Once you get past the dire opener , you're in for a treat ! |
401,450 | 7,743,887 | 296,372 | 10 | Russ's Madhouse On A Saturday Night | Running parallel with the ' alternative comedy ' boom of the ' 80's was the emergence of more traditional comedy performers , such as Cannon & Ball , Jimmy Cricket , Bobby Davro and , of course , Russ . ' Madhouse ' began life as a vehicle for Freddie Starr , and was quite dreadful , but when Russ replaced him it developed into something really special . Abbot's recurring characters included ' See You Jimmy ' , ' Cooperman ' , ' Basildon Bond ' , ' Wilf Bumworthy ' , ' Boggles ' and ' Geronimo ' . He was ably supported by a wonderful cast which included the then-unknown Michael Barrymore , Bella Emberg , Les Dennis and the late , much-missed Dustin Gee . It was typical I . T . V . Saturday night fare , combining slapstick with innuendo , but everyone looked as though they were having fun , and this was communicated to the audience . Sadly , Russ became the victim of a purge of the old guard of comedians in the early ' 90's , a criminal waste of a great talent . We badly need a show like this on Saturday nights now . |
400,736 | 7,743,887 | 699,360 | 10 | Are you the head robber ? | Our hero has landed a cushy job writing copy for an advertising agency ( nice work if you can get it ! ) . He hates it but is looking forward to his first pay check . But when it arrives he is not happy - after tax deductions it is not much higher than the money he got on the Dole . Furious , Shelley goes to the Tax Office to demand to know what they are playing at , and is pushed from pillar to post by a series of faceless clerks . On being told he can qualify for Mortgage Tax Relief , he tries to get one , but of course for that you need a bank account . . . After the disappointing ' Gainfully Employed ' , its back to form with a cracking episode which sees Jim doing what he is best at - being rude to practitioners of bureaucracy . Shelley's dismay is perfectly understandable , encapsulating one of the reasons why some people prefer the Dole to work . You are no better off really . One of the clerks he encounters is played by the gorgeous Marsha Fitzalan , who went on to be the faithless ' Sarah B'Stard ' in ' The New Statesman ' . I once saw her do a commercial for chocolate , and she managed to make Munchies incredibly sexy . The rest of the episode is taken up with Shelley's phone call to his prospective father-in-law . We do not hear what Mr . Smith is saying , but from Shelley's responses it sounds profane . In the four weeks it had been on air , ' Shelley ' achieved excellent ratings and reviews . Margaret Forwood , television critic of ' The Sun ' , even started a campaign among readers to ' Keep ' Shelley ' At The Top Of The Ratings ' . Then , disaster struck . Following the transmission of this episode , I . T . V . was blacked out by a strike that lasted approximately ten weeks . Viewers had to wait eight months for the remaining three episodes of Season 1 , when they were appended to the beginning to Season 2 . Had ' Shelley ' not been a hit , its likely they would never have been shown . Funniest moment - Shelley teasing Mrs . Hawkins by telling her that he and Fran plan on a nude wedding . " What's the matter ? " , he asks the shocked landlady , " Worried at having nowhere to put your carnation ? " |
400,709 | 7,743,887 | 699,361 | 10 | I am not eating apartheid fish ! | Shelley is appalled to learn that his favourite pub is to undergo a refit , to be renamed ' The Victory ' and the staff are to dress as Admiral Nelson . But that is the least of his problems . At the Unemployment Benefit Office , the Dole Inspector wants to know why , with his qualifications ( ten O Levels , 4 A Levels and a Phd ) he has hardly ever worked . " I don't like work . " , says Shelley . Back home , Fran has some exciting and worrying news for him - she is pregnant . Shelley dashes back to the U . B . O . to beg for a job . They make him the temporary barman of ' The Victory ' pub . . . Peter Tilbury had been an actor before turning to writing , and had spent time on the Dole , hence his experiences came in handy when writing the ' Shelley ' shows . There is a certain amount of wishful thinking in Shelley's confrontation with the Inspector ; anyone who openly refuses offers of work does not qualify for benefit . Excellent though this episode is , it makes what I regard as a fundamental mistake with the character . Having Shelley become a father so early into the run unfortunately transformed the show into a cosy domestic sitcom . Funniest moment - Shelley's interview . There's a laugh on practically every line . INSPECTOR : What did you like doing at school ? SHELLEY : Putting my hand down Beryl Wilson's skirt . ( Later , Shelley learns that Beryl Wilson is the Inspector's wife ) Nicholas LeProvost is superb as the Inspector , he would go on to play the psychiatrist in Tilbury's underrated ' It Takes A Worried Man ' . |
400,941 | 7,743,887 | 397,806 | 10 | The Welsh ' Passport To Pimlico ' ? | Over the years , there have been numerous attempts to put Wales and its people on the television screen , ranging from the cringe making Ronnie Barker sitcom ' The Magnificent Evans ' to the touching period drama ' We Are Seven ' . ' Mine All Mine ' was a piece of whimsy from the pen of Russell T . Davies , starring Griff Rhys Jones as the head of a dysfunctional Mumbles-based family who discovers he is the rightful owner of the land on which Swansea is built . Of course his new-found status as ' King of Swansea ' creates untold problems for both himself and his family . As one would expect from a Russell T . Davies series , the writing is first-rate . The cast are wonderful , particularly Jones as the dreamer ' Max Vivaldi ' and Rhian Morgan as his long-suffering wife Val . Even the minor characters , such as Debbie Chazen's ' Big Claire ' , are beautifully put over . For me , though , the real showstopper was Ruth Madoc as Val's trouble-making mother Myrtle . Being Welsh , I could recognise those characters from everyday life . Seeing familiar locations such as Mumbles pier and Swansea Town Hall was also a joy . The only annoying thing about this show was that it ended on a cliffhanger . Despite having many excellent qualities , ' Mine All Mine ' failed to find an audience . Perhaps its very Welshness alienated English audiences . I don't know . Russell was bitterly disappointed by the cancellation , he had plans for two more series . Four months later , however , he had a ratings blockbuster in the shape of ' Dr . Who ' . To think I . T . V . - 1 let this go after one series , yet pumped out five seasons of the execrable ' Footballers ' Wives ' - it beggars belief ! |
401,654 | 7,743,887 | 60,321 | 10 | It's a gas ! | This is my favourite ' Doctor ' film , made when ' 60's London was in full Swing . British comedy films were fast losing their appeal , with only the ' Carry On's ' carrying on , so for the ' Doctor ' series , it was a case of ' if you can't beat ' em , join ' em ' . Personally , I prefer the Philips ' Doctor ' films to the Bogarde ones . Here Leslie plays ' Dr . Gaston Grimsdyke ' ( different character to the one he played in ' Doctor In Love ' ) . Grimsdyke is after a job in America , but to qualify he has to be married , so he chases the lovely Jeannine ( Elisabeth Ercy ) . When she rejects him because of his age , he heads for Carnaby Street in pursuit of a new , youthful image . The bit where a reinvigorated Grimsdyke prances about in front of nurses in his trendy new clothes to the sound of John Scott's beat music is priceless ! Also of note are Arthur Haynes ( in his final role ) as the obdurate Mr . Wendover , and gorgeous Fenella Fielding as man-mad ballerina Tatiana Rubikoff . I must mention the sublime Joan Sims as Matron Joanna Sweet . The party scene where she goes under the laughing gas has me in fits each time ! ' Doctor In Clover ' is packed full of great comedy actors ( Terry Scott pops up as a camp hairdresser ) and moments you'll cherish forever and will want to see over and over again . As for the bit at the end , where the film suddenly goes into reverse , well , it is a comedy ! |
400,973 | 7,743,887 | 679,174 | 10 | I will not make any deals with you . I've resigned ! | As I write this , a remake of the television classic ' The Prisoner ' is nearing completion . Those of us who remember the original view the prospect with some trepidation . How many great movies / T . V . series have had their reputations sullied by remakes ? Too many to name . Even the B . B . C . have gotten in on the act with ' Survivors ' , loosely based on Terry Nation's classic show . With ' The Prisoner ' , its more worrying because the opportunities for failure are greater . Have they chosen the right man to replace Patrick McGoohan ? Will the new location work out ? Will the plots be dumbed down ? Ah well , questions are a burden to others as someone once said , so let us wait and see . The first episode of the original was aptly titled ' Arrival ' , and it was written by George Markstein and David Tomblin . An unnamed British secret agent resigns , and is swiftly abducted by unknown forces . He wakes up in a strange place known only as ' The Village ' . Here other ex-agents have been incarcerated and are forced to live out their lives though with numbers in place of their names . Our hero finds himself lumbered with the number Six . Attempts to escape from The Village usually end in failure . strange balloon-like creatures called ' Rovers ' emerge from the sea , roaring like demented lions , to pursue and in some cases suffocate would-be runaways . Number Six is told by the Chairman of The Village - Number Two - that he has only a short time to willingly co-operate , such as stating his reason for resigning , and that if he fails to do so , the information will be forcibly extracted from his mind . The local hospital is a front for a brainwashing centre . Number Six witnesses first-hand the horror of seeing people reduced to gibbering imbeciles . The first part of ' Arrival ' is devoted to setting up the premise of the show . The beautiful Portmeirion location contrasts magnificently with the cold and clinical interiors . Patrick McGoohan is , as you would expect , simply brilliant . His performance encompasses anger , confusion , wry amusement , and defiance . ' Number Two ' is initially played by the late Guy Doleman ( ' Colonel Ross ' in Michael Caine's ' Harry Palmer ' films ) but half-way through the episode another actor - George Baker - assumes the role . Doleman's ' Number Two ' is charming and polite , but Baker's is an altogether more unpleasant character . On a sad note , Virginia Maskell , who plays ' The Woman ' , committed suicide a short time after this was broadcast . The second part deals with an attempt by Number Six to escape from The Village in a helicopter . Having managed to obtain an electro-pass from a woman who was emotionally attached to an old colleague called ' Cobb ' ( Paul Eddington ) , Number Six flies off , but as this is only the first episode it is reasonable to assume he does not get far . ' Arrival ' presents us with a world where nothing is what it seems and where no-one can be trusted . Even the maps on sale in The Village shop do not tell the truth . On arriving in The Village , Number Six repeatedly bumps into the same man ( Oliver MacGreevy ) in different guises . No matter what Number Six does or where he goes , he always seems to find himself right back where he started . I expect the new version to simplify the original's complexities , meaning it will probably not gain a cult following nor be the subject of discussion in thirty years ' time . Superbly written , acted , edited , and directed , ' Arrival ' is one of the greatest openings to a television series ever . If you only decide to watch one episode of ' The Prisoner ' , make it this one . Be Seeing You ! |
401,317 | 7,743,887 | 1,162,598 | 10 | What time do you call this ? | Alf is scrubbing the floor of the hall in the block of flats where he and Else both live . Why ? He thinks he owns it . He then goes out into the garden to burn rubbish , but a neighbour with washing on the line threatens to set their dog on him . Tired at having to do housework in addition to pushing Else around , Alf contacts the Social Services , and is sent a succession of home helps . Else insists on tidying the flat before they arrive to create a good impression of their cleanliness . Alf complains loudly about the standard of their cleaning and generally resents what he regards as an intrusive presence . All three walk out on him . But then he meets his match - a new home help named Winston . . . This , the third episode of ' In Sickness ' , introduced Arthur English as ' Arthur ' , Alf's drinking pal . Here the character is credited simply as ' the man in the pub ' . Harry Fowler's milkman is not dissimilar to John Junkin's in ' Till Death Us Do Part ' , a cheeky chappie who doles out betting slips along with the gold top . Eamonn Walker also makes his debut as ' Winston ' , the home help who gets right up Alf's nose by being both black and gay . Objecting to him being named after the great Sir Winston Churchill , in the next episode Alf takes to calling him ' Marigold ' . Winston responds by rechristening Alf ' bwana ' . One of the home helps is played by Tricia Kelly , who replaced Eileen Kennally in the role of neighbour ' Mrs . Johnson ' . Plenty for Alf to get steamed up here , including football hooligans ( ' we should brand them so we can see who they are ! ' ) and the welfare state , which he is happy to use even though he does not approve . Funniest moment - following a pub discussion on how mince can turn a man gay , Alf goes home for dinner . Guess what Marigold has made for him ? |
401,643 | 7,743,887 | 306,983 | 10 | The Last Noel - If Only ! | A year to the day after ' I Love A ' 70's Christmas ' , B . B . C . - 2 gave us another helping of seasonal nostalgia with this offering , linked by Brian Blessed as Father Christmas . Amongst the topics under discussion were ' The Railway Children ' , ' Some Mothers Do Ave Em ' , pantomimes and ' Thunderbirds ' . Noel Edmonds launched a ferocious attack on the latter that left me speechless . He claimed that whenever one of the Tracy family puppets turned sideways , they overshot their mark because the puppeteers couldn't handle the strings properly . Not only was this inaccurate , but an insult to the puppetry skills of the late Christine Glanville and others . I thought it a bit rich that the man responsible for the inane ' Mr . Blobby ' should be rude about a television show whose popularity has endured for forty years . Seeing how ' Noel's House Party ' had recently been cancelled , you'd think Noel would be sympathetic to ex-T . V . stars forced to earn a crust by doing pantomime . Instead he came out with " Chronic ! I'd rather do lap dancing ! " . Charming ! Perhaps Noel could play ' Scrooge ' one day ? |
401,537 | 7,743,887 | 1,162,606 | 10 | Alf's Supermarket Adventure ! | This episode begins in the pub , with Alf and Arthur chatting about the old days in the docks , before ( so Alf claims ) the unions helped bring about the end of industry in Britain . Marigold is there with his boyfriend Goldie ( Richard Speight ) . Alf is repelled by their openly gay behaviour , yet accepts the drinks they buy for him . Arthur torments his friend by describing the luscious lunch his wife has waiting for him when he gets home . " Roast beef , Yorkshire pudding , garden peas , potatoes . " . He offers Alf a share of this feast . Alf accepts . " Right ! " , says Arthur , " I'll fix it up one week ! " . Back home , Alf finds there is no food in his larder , save for a stale crust of bread . Even the cheese he had has been used to trap mice . A lady from ' Meals On Wheels ' turns up , but the food is for Mrs . Hollingbery . Alf vows to get his own Sunday dinner the next week , a decision that necessitates a visit to a supermarket . . . Poor Alf . You really feel for him in this episode . Hearing Arthur brag about his dinner is bad enough , but then he catches sight of Fred Johnson carving the Sunday roast , and his salivary glands go into action . Why his cupboard is bare is not properly explained though , unless Marigold is helping himself to the grub . One of the functions of a home help is to ensure that there is food in ready supply . Alf's anger when he finds his larder empty is hilarious . He rants that convicted criminals gets better dinners than him , and blames the local Labour council . The supermarket manager is the late Leo Dolan , who was ' Charlie ' the window cleaner in ' Not On Your Nellie ' starring Hylda Baker . Funniest moment - Alf in the supermarket , alien territory to him . He is mystified by the automatic doors , and trolleys . Helping himself to a can of lager , he goes on his way . When he finds out he does not have enough money for his goods , all hell breaks loose at the checkout . The manager graciously gives him free of charge the items needed to make a meat pudding . On the way out , Alf says : " See you next week ! " . |
401,312 | 7,743,887 | 1,162,601 | 10 | Smoking ? Do you see smoke coming out of my pipe ? | Fed up at having to push his crippled wife everywhere , Alf takes Else's wheelchair to bits in the living room in an effort to make it lighter . At the Department of Social Security ( now the Department of Works & Pensions ) he tries to see about getting Else a motorised model . The starchy clerk informs him that she would if only qualify if she and Alf were unmarried . Losing his temper , Alf shouts : " S . S . is right ! Sieg Heil ! Sieg Heil ! " . Next he goes into a showroom and asks to test drive a chair . The young assistant is helpful until he realises Alf has not got any money . Giving him a two-fingered salute , Alf walks out . Finally , he goes to see a man about a chair . Alf tests it out , but loses control . The chair causes mayhem on London's roads , but stops bank robbers from making a getaway . Alf is now the man of the hour ! The last episode of the first season of ' In Sickness ' is a little beauty , with Alf's anger at his wife not being eligible for a powered chair turning him into an unlikely hero . The studio audience is on his side as he rounds on the D . H . S . S . clerk , pointing out that when he retired from the docks , he never banked on getting a job harder than the one he had just left ! Winston only appears in the final scene , when he puts the wind up Alf by pointing out that his going on the news could conceivably make him a target for the underworld . Funniest moment - Alf's wheelchair rampage , but the most memorable moment is his little soliloquy about how he , as man and boy , served under fourteen Prime Ministers , and was poor under every one of them ! Thousands of other British people could say the same . Alf Garnett had returned in triumph to B . B . C . - 1 . |
401,618 | 7,743,887 | 679,177 | 10 | Do We Know Where Seltzman Is ? | Originally produced under the title ' Face Unknown ' , this episode was made as a ' fill-in ' because McGoohan was busy filming ' Ice Station Zebra ' for M . G . M . It opens with a helicopter bringing an army Colonel to The Village . Number 2 reveals to him the existence of a ' mind swap ' machine , invented by Professor Jacob Seltzman , a brilliant scientist who has gone into hiding . The machine can swap minds , but the process cannot be reversed , hence Seltzman must be found . Some time later , The Prisoner wakes up in his London flat , his memories of The Village erased , and sporting another man's face : the Colonel's . Even his fiancée Janet fails to recognise him . He sets about searching for the only man who can help him - Seltzman . Unfortunately , this is what The Village wants him to do , hence every step of The Prisoner's quest is shadowed by an undertaker in a hearse . Nigel Stock gives a remarkable performance as ' The Colonel / Number 6 ' , accurately capturing the steely determination of McGoohan's character , while Clifford Evans ' ' Number Two ' is so good one wishes he'd been brought back like Colin Gordon and Leo McKern . Zena Walker shines in her few scenes as Number 6's fiancée . ' Do Not Forsake Me ' veers closely at times into ' Danger Man ' territory , particularly the Austrian and London party scenes , and because of this , some hold it in low esteem . I am not among them . I think it is a brilliant episode , coming as a breath of fresh air after the previous Village-based tales . Had a second season been made - with Number Six chased across the world by his captors - this is how it might have looked . Clips from previous episodes are put to good use too . Some have grumbled that the Village do not really need Seltzman , when all they have to do to reverse the process is to run it again . Obviously this must have been tried , and did not work . As for the final scene in which Seltzman escapes from the Village in a helicopter ( having first transferred his mind into the Colonel's body ) , we must assume that there was a tidy interval between the helicopter lifting off , and Number Six explaining things to a baffled Number Two . The scene was shortened for dramatic impact . These flaws , if they can be called that , do not detract from what is a highly entertaining and exciting episode . |
400,843 | 7,743,887 | 679,179 | 10 | The Politics Of Individuality | Of the seventeen episodes which form Patrick McGoohan's brilliant ' The Prisoner ' series , ' Free For All ' is in my view the most relevant to the modern world . Written and directed by the man himself ( sheltering behind the pseudonym ' Paddy Fitz ' ) , it was the fourth to be broadcast in the U . K . , and the first to baffle viewers by stepping outside the spy story framework . It begins with an unusually benign Number 2 visiting 6 at home , and over breakfast informing him that there is to be an election in The Village , the winner becoming the new Number 2 . 6 is sceptical , but the thought of meeting Number 1 is tempting . Invited to address The Village , 6 airs his thoughts ( " I am not a number . . . I am a person ! " ) . The crowd laughs . No sooner has 6 finished speaking than placards bearing his face are carried through the confetti-strewn streets , drums are banged , striped umbrellas twirled , and the crowd cheer him on to victory . For the duration of the campaign , 6 is given the services of a maid - Number 58 - who speaks no English . 6 is invited to address the outgoing Council . In a stylish underground chamber , he confronts a row of brainwashed imbeciles . 6's motives for running for office are questioned . When he does not respond , he is handed over to the manager of the Labour Exchange . A different 6 emerges , spouting meaningless slogans and making impossible-to-keep promises . He has become the people's choice . Needless to say , he does not remain in this state for long , and attempts to flee The Village in a motorboat . Rover brings him back , and the brainwashing resumes . Only two candidates are running for office - the handsome yet mindless ( thanks to The Village ) 6 , and the older , experienced 2 . Everyone loves 6 , hardly anyone seems to back 2 . Yet their ' views ' seem to be much the same . Which is very much the case in modern politics . The public , when faced with the daunting prospect of exercising their democratic right , will often vote for the guy who used to read the news on television or who once acted in a long-running soap . Policies ? Forget it . To cut the story short , 6 wins by a landslide . As the transfer of power takes place , the Villagers ' enthusiasm for 6 appears to have evaporated totally . He enters The Green Dome with Number 58 at his side . After initially behaving like a couple of kids let loose in a sweet-shop , their personalities change - he is his old rebellious self once again , she turns nasty and starts slapping him across the face . 6 uses his new position to order a mass evacuation of The Village , but no-one listens . Number 1 is still in command . Cue one very violent ending ( one that had to be trimmed for the original U . K . broadcast ) . ' Free For All ' is a marvellous political allegory . 6 wishes to win power for the right reasons ( to free the people ) , but is reprogrammed by the establishment so that his ideals virtually disappear . The odds are stacked against him from the start . To remind viewers this is an adventure show , there is a motorboat chase , of course , but that's the only concession McGoohan makes . The brainwashing scene is chilling , the late George Benson ( best known for comedy roles ) making a superb interrogator . Even his offer of tea is not to be trusted ! Rachel Herbert's character is used initially for comic relief , rather like Rosalie Crutchley's in ' Checkmate ' , but at the climax , her true significance is revealed , and 6 finds he has been been played for a patsy once more . There is no democracy in The Village ; it is all an illusion . The scene with the ' Tally Ho ' reporters is hilarious , as is the one in the underground therapy zone where Villagers can drink real alcohol without disturbing the equilibrium of The Village . This was one of Eric Portman's last roles , and he is splendid as the ' under dog ' candidate - the older man who knows he will be soundly beaten at the ballet box yet still has to go through the motions of the democratic process . When ' The Prisoner ' was reviewed on the B . B . C . ' s ' Did You See ? ' back in 1983 , Julian Critchley ( the late Tory M . P . for Aldershot ) dismissed ' Free For All ' as ' high camp . . . James Bond without the music ' . Was that his real view ? Or did he sense the episode's message and thought to try and discredit it ? |
401,630 | 7,743,887 | 94,519 | 10 | You're a bastard , Alan ! " B'Stard , if you please ! " | By the mid-80's , Rik Mayall was firmly established as one of the biggest comedy stars on British television , thanks to ' A Kick Up The ' 80's ' in which he had played the idiotic Kevin Turvey , and of course ' The Young Ones ' . Lawrence Marks and Maurice Gran had created the brilliant ' Shine On Harvey Moon ' which Mayall admired , so it seemed only natural to combine their talents . The title ' The New Statesman ' had been used three years earlier for a now-forgotten Windsor Davies B . B . C . sitcom . Marks and Gran's series centred around Alan Beresford B'Stard , Machiavellian Tory M . P . for Haltemprice , a man so corrupt and evil as to defy description . He only wins his seat by default after arranging for the other candidates to perish in a car crash . He is married to the lovely Sarah , who plays the devoted wife in public but is in reality a promiscuous bisexual . Alan shares an office at The House Of Commons with Piers Fletcher-Dervish , with whom he has a ' Blackadder / Baldrick ' style relationship . A running gag in the first series had Alan's financial adviser Norman Bormann trying to escape a prison sentence by undergoing a sex change . Credited as ' R . R . Cooper ' , the character was in fact portrayed by Rowena Cooper . I remember watching this back in 1987 and finding it hard to believe it was a Yorkshire Television production . ' Statesman ' had the gloss of a London Weekend Television series . Each episode had Alan embarking on some new ' get-rich-quick ' project ; in the first he gets the law changed to enable policemen to carry guns . Guess who supplies the weapons ? In another , Alan stores nuclear waste under a school . In the series ' best episode , Alan was apparently assassinated , but as we later found out , it was another cunning ploy on his part . Mayall was simply superb as the scheming ' B'Stard ' , a character a world away from ' Rick ' of ' The Young Ones ' , and he was ably supported by sexy Marsha Fitzalan as ' Sarah ' and Michael Troughton as the imbecilic ' Piers ' . The final series took Alan away from Westminister and to Brussels , where he became an M . E . P . Though it had its moments , it wasn't as funny as before . At the very end of the final episode , Alan becomes Prime Minister of Great Britain . Despite the topical references to Thatcher and Reagan , ' Statesman ' has dated far less badly than , say , ' Spitting Image ' . Mayall recently revived B'Stard in a West End stage show , which I haven't seen , but I think Marks and Gran made a blunder in having him defect to New Labour . B'Stard has Tory written through him like Blackpool rock . They should have waited for the Tories to regain power before bringing back B'Stard . If nothing else , the show proved there was more to Rik Mayall than nose picking and farting . Here he proved that he could do satirical farce , and do it extremely well . |
401,257 | 7,743,887 | 679,188 | 10 | Number Six Times Two | Patrick McGoohan , my favourite actor , died earlier this week ( shame on B . B . C . - 1's ' Six O'Clock News ' and I . T . N . for failing to mention this . If it had been Russell Brand it probably would have been the lead item ) , so I thought I'd pay small tribute by looking at an episode of his most famous creation - ' The Prisoner ' T . V . series . I won't spell out the plot in great detail because it would be unfair to anyone viewing it for the first time . Also , it is hard to do ! It begins in Number Six's cottage , where he is assisting a young woman called Alison ( Jane Merrow ) who has telepathic abilities . As he picks out Xener cards , she is able to correctly identify each one . She puts it down to a psychic bond between them . A accident with a soda syphon leaves him with a bruised thumbnail . We do not know it yet but that bruise - and her photograph of it - will be important later on . As she leaves , the scene switches to The Village's control room , where Number Two ( Anton Rodgers ) commences the latest plot to break The Prisoner and learn the reason for his resignation . A light over the sleeping Prisoner's head pulsates , and medics carry him off to the hospital . He is there for an undetermined period , long enough for him to grown a moustache anyway , also his hair is dyed black , and he undergoes electric shock treatment to make him left-handed instead of right . When he awakens , he is not in his usual dwelling , and when he looks in a mirror sees his appearance has been altered . At the Green Dome , Number Two addresses him as ' Number Twelve ' , and acts as though he is on his side . Number Six is given his ' orders ' - to break himself ! After having his hair dyed back to its original colour and the moustache shaved , Number Six returns to his original dwelling . Who should be in residence but . . . Number Six ? Confused ? So apparently was director Pat Jackson when he read the script back in 1966 . To his credit , his confusion is not apparent . The complex plan to make The Prisoner doubt his identity almost works . Following a lengthy session with the double in which both men sword fence , shoot guns , and box , ironically it is Alison who provides the final damning proof by establishing her psychic bond with the double . It is all a put-up job though , and later she regrets her decision to co-operate with The Village . ' Schizoid Man ' is one of the finest episodes of the series , intriguing throughout , boasting a tour-de-force performance from McGoohan . When the double lays in wait for Number Six with a nerve gas gun , the actor excludes the charming arrogance he would bring later to his many villainous roles , such as ' Roger Devereau ' in ' Silver Streak ' . The scene where Number Six makes himself right-handed again is powerful indeed . Anton Rodgers is the youngest ' Number Two ' seen in the show so far , playing him not as a ruthless interrogator but a seemingly-harmless bureaucrat : " Here I am , stuck in Admin ! " . However , when Number Six fails the mind-reading test with Alison , you will see Number Two smirking at The Prisoner's discomfiture . Not so nice after all . Terence Feely's script so impressed McGoohan the writer was invited to join the board of directors at Everyman Films - the company that made the series . It is a superbly plotted show , with a strong ending , even if Number Six's carelessness is ultimately a little hard to swallow , given that earlier episodes established him as a tricky character to outwit . The new ' Prisoner ' has got an awful lot to live up to . If only one episode is half as good as this , I will be happy . But no matter how superior the new show's special effects might or might not be , you cannot replace McGoohan . He was ' The Prisoner ' . Be Seeing You , Patrick . |
401,535 | 7,743,887 | 1,162,608 | 10 | Alf's ultimate nightmare ! | Alf is clipping his toenails with scissors when someone knocks the door . It is Min ( Patricia Hayes ) , his old neighbour , and she has brought along her sister - the senile Gwenneth ( Irene Handl ) . This appalling pair pair proceeds to move in ( " only for a few days " ) , turfing Alf out of his bed . Gwenneth is not only deaf ( and has to wear a hearing aid ) but has problems remembering who Alf is . Rita arrives and informs Min that Mrs . Garnett has passed on . Min takes an instant dislike to Mrs . Hollingbery , and when both women prepare dinners for Alf war breaks out . . . The second season of ' And In Health ' ended with this cracker , reintroducing Min ( last seen in the ' Till Death ' spin-off ) , who stayed behind in Eastbourne when Alf and Else went back to London . This will ring a bell with anyone who recalls what it is like when friends or relatives turn up uninvited , and take a house over completely . Luckily for Alf , Rita's arrival gives him the chance to make a beeline for the pub . As ' Min ' and ' Gwenneth ' , Patricia Hayes and Irene Handl are a scream , practically reducing Alf to silence for most of the episode . Min still fancies him ( " my husband Bert couldn't awaken me as a woman ! " ) and , her face covered in make-up , presents him with a meat pudding , only for Mrs . Holiingbery to chuck it out of the window . Only a few episodes back Alf and Mrs . Hollingbery were themselves up to this kind of behaviour . Now the Irish widow seems fond of him to the point of over protectiveness . Her first name , incidentally , is given here for the first time - ' Camille ' . The climax takes place at a street party intended to mark the wedding of Prince Andrew to Sarah Ferguson ( how long ago that all seems now ! ) . As was the case with the Royal Wedding party in 1973 , hardly anyone turns up , and when Alf tries to fix bunting to a lamp post it triggers a dispute with Mr . Johnson , leading to a ' Last Of The Summer Wine'-style stunt as a ladder gives way , causing Alf to fall into Fred's car . Funniest moment - Min's wonderfully over the top display of grief at the news of Else's passing . It shows what a marvellous actress Patricia Hayes was . Second funniest moment - Alf realising Gwenneth has wet his bed ! |
401,454 | 7,743,887 | 302,182 | 10 | They Were More Than Just The Welsh Morecambe & Wise | In the early ' 70's , it looked as though Welsh comedians Ryan Davies and Ronnie Williams were poised to breakthrough into the British comedy mainstream . Bill Cotton , the then-Head Of Light Entertainment at the B . B . C . attended a recording of one of their shows and , despite not really understanding it ( it was in Welsh ) was sufficiently impressed by the audience's reaction to the duo put them on B . B . C . - 1 . ' Ryan & Ronnie ' was a lively , amusing show , combining sketches in which they took off top television shows of the day such as ' Steptoe & Son ' , ' Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In ' , even ' The Magic Roundabout ' , musical items , Eric & Ernie-style cross-talk , and the soap opera parody ' Our House ' which was good enough to have warranted a spin-off . It would have been unsurprising if they had failed to appeal to audiences beyond the valleys , but they didn't and ' Ryan & Ronnie ' ran for three seasons . Sadly , their triumph was to be short-lived ; Ryan died of asthma in 1977 , robbing us of a wonderful double-act whose potential went largely unrealised . |
400,853 | 7,743,887 | 679,187 | 10 | I Say , You're Not The Duke Of Wellington , Are You ? | Chosen ( rather oddly ) to represent ' The Prisoner ' as part of I . T . V . ' s ' Best Of British ' series in 1982 , ' Girl ' is one of the least representative episodes . Apart from the final scene , there's nothing to link it to the ongoing saga of ' Number 6 ' and his quest to escape The Village . It opens with an ' Avengers ' type teaser in which a British agent is blown up by a cricket ball . McGoohan's unnamed agent ( surely not John Drake ? ) replaces him , going off on a wild chase across Merrie England , avoiding death-traps , until he confronts the girl and her Napoleon-obsessed father , who is plotting the destruction of London . ' Girl ' is usually thought of as a send-up of ' Danger Man ' , but Drake never had an adventure as outrageous as this . Justine Lord's glamorous assassin and the late Kenneth Griffith's over-the-top megalomaniac are glorious , while Terence Feely's ingenious script ridicules the conventions of the spy genre more effectively than any of the bigger budgeted movies made at that time . |
401,495 | 7,743,887 | 679,186 | 10 | You're never to old to learn , Sir ! | A new craze sweeps through The Village . ' Speed Learn ' is a subliminal educational process by which students can accomplish three years ' worth of studying in three minutes . It is the work of The Professor , a benign academic who delivers lectures via the television screen . In reality , though , he is merely a figurehead for a sinister brainwashing project . Witnessing The Professor's unsuccessful attempt to escape from The Village , The Prisoner finds a tape recorder warning the listener about ' Speed Learn ' ( " it is an abomination ! " ) , and urging the destruction of ' The General ' , the real brains behind the project . Teaming up with Number 12 from Adminstration , The Prisoner penetrates the wall of security surrounding ' Speed Learn ' , with the intention of replacing The Village's history lessons with a healthy dose of democracy . . . I watched this today as a kind of personal tribute to its director , Peter Graham Scott , who has just died . Scott claimed not to have understood Lewis Greifer's script at the time , but what may have seemed incomprehensible in 1966 is frighteningly relevant now . ' The General ' is a stark warning of the dangers of over-reliance on television for information . In the U . K . , several well-publicised scandals concerning reedited news footage and so-called ' fakeumentaries ' have recently occurred . In America , the Fox News Network has been tying itself into knots in an effort to justify the Iraq fiasco and turn it into a raging success for ' General ' George and co . While these examples may seem far removed from the futuristic nuts and bolts of ' The General ' , the principle is the same . The medium used to sell bubble gum can also be used to sell wars . ' The General ' also urges caution with regard to the up-and-coming computer age . Now I will be the first to admit that the home computer ( and internet ) boom has been overwhelmingly positive , yet I can easily understand why there was nervousness back in 1966 ( you will also find it in movies like ' 2001 : A Space Odyssey ' and ' Colossus : The Forbin Project ' ) Like every great stride in progress , the computer revolution has had a dark side , particularly in enabling idiots to grab publicity by expounding half-baked conspiracy theories and perverts greater access to unacceptable material . Colin Gordon is a wonderfully charming ' Number 2 ' ( " Don't underestimate yourself , Number Six . . . and don't underestimate me ! " ) , along with Leo McKern he was the only other actor to play the role more than once . John Castle , Peter Howell and Betty McDowall all provide solid support . ' The General ' contains many memorable sequences , such as the ' Speed Learn ' broadcasts , The Professor's wife explaining art to The Prisoner , and the men in dark glasses and top hats ( amongst them The Prisoner ) gaining access to a restricted area of The Village . Interestingly , the finale has The Prisoner destroying The General simply by asking it a three-letter question . Many is the time my P . C . has crashed just because I have made it do a mind-bogglingly simple task ! Despite much of ' The General ' now seeming dated ( particularly the computer itself ! ) , its message is one we all would do well to heed . |
401,055 | 7,743,887 | 64,133 | 10 | I Knew I Shouldn't Have Eaten Those Radishes ! | Of all the ' Carry On ' pictures , ' Camping ' seems to be the one most frequently shown on television , and with good reason . It is an absolute joy . Various people from all walks of life converge on the Paradise camping site . Sid Boggle ( Sid James ) and his pal Bernie Lugg ( Bernard Bresslaw ) are sexually-frustrated plumbers who have taken their girlfriends , Joan Fussey ( Joan Sims ) and Anthea Meeks ( Dilys Laye ) on holiday believing the place to be a nudist colony . Peter Potter ( Terry Scott ) and his irritating wife Harriet ( Betty Marsden ) are there too for the umpteenth year running . Frail walker Charlie Muggins ( Charles Hawtrey ) latches onto the Potters and , much to Peter's annoyance , won't leave . Then there are the nubile girls of Chayste Place school , whose number includes sexy ' Babs ' ( Barbara Windsor ) and her friend ' Fanny ' ( Sandra Caron ) . Attempting to keep them in order is the hopeless ' Dr . Soper ' ( Kenneth Williams ) and the over-sized ' Matron ' ( who else but Hattie Jacques ? ) . Over forty years after it was made , ' Camping ' still has the ability to reduce me to tears of laughter . Whether it be the opening scene in the cinema where a shocked Joan , Bernie and Anthea watch a nudist movie ( great dialogue ! ) , or Mrs . Fussey's attempts to ruin her daughter's holiday by insisting she take along everything but the kitchen sink , the sight of Scott and Marsden pedalling through the countryside on a tandem , or the sheer greed of Peter Butterworth's camp site owner as Sid counts pound notes in his presence , the film is full of treasurable comic moments . Corny gags abound , but you know you are in good hands with this cast . With the death of theatre censorship in the late ' 60's , and the explosion of interest in more violent , sexually explicit films , the ' Carry On ' series had to follow suit - or die . ' Up The Khyber ' was a step in that direction , but ' Camping ' goes further , boasting female nudity and even-bluer blue jokes than usual . We will discreetly draw a veil over the fact that the film features randy schoolgirls ( Windsor and co . looked too old for the roles anyway ) . Anna Karen ( of ' On The Buses ' ) is one , but in spite of many viewings I have never been able to spot her . Funniest moment - no , its not Babs ' bra flying off during morning exercise . Its the finale where the campers unite to get rid of hippies who have overrun a nearby field so as to stage a ' Woodstock ' style pop festival . The sight of Sid in full hippie gear cracks me up each time ! |
400,726 | 7,743,887 | 478,942 | 10 | Take A Look At The Lawman . . . | When I first heard about this , I thought : " Here we go again . Yet another one of those awful ' let's make fun of the past ' shows . " ( in fact , it was originally going to be that way , and called ' Ford Granada ' . But then commonsense prevailed ) . I tuned in nervously to the first episode . It came as a pleasant surprise . That it got made at all is another reason to be thankful to ' Dr . Who ' executive producer Julie Gardner . It had been turned down beforehand by both the B . B . C . and Channel 4 . The premise is this : D . C . I . Sam Tyler is involved in a hit-and-run incident and finds himself in 1973 , working alongside the ebullient D . C . I . Gene Hunt and sexy W . P . C . Annie Cartwright . He does his best to adjust to his new environment , but there are constant reminders of his old life ; the girl on the B . B . C . test card sends him cryptic messages , he hears medics trying to revive him , and meets himself as a boy . The production team has gone to a good deal of trouble to evoke the era ; at times ' Life On Mars ' comes close to mirroring ' Special Branch ' and ' The Sweeney ' , the character of D . C . I . Hunt puts one in mind of John Thaw's ' Regan ' . As soon as he appears , seizing Tyler's lapels , and spitting : " Its 1973 . Almost dinnertime , and I'm having hoops ! " , you know the show is going to work . Its a terrific performance from Philip Glenister . John Simm is equally outstanding as the reluctant time traveller . Inaccuraccies crop up here and there ; ' male bonding ' was not a phrase in common use in the ' 70's , and ' Nelson ' the Rastafarian barman isn't credible for that era , but to complain would be churlish . ' Life On Mars ' is my favourite programme of 2006 and I cannot wait for the second ( alas , the last ) series . Already , talk of a spin-off is rife ; instead of ' Ashes To Ashes ' , perhaps they should call it ' Gene Genie ' ? |
401,321 | 7,743,887 | 60,288 | 10 | As good as Bond | Several oil executives die in mysterious ' accidents ' and each time , an anonymous company is richer by a million pounds . Insurance underwriter Hugh Drummond is called in to investigate . Jimmy Sangster had earlier put Hammer Films on the map by reworking old horror favourites like ' Dracula ' and ' Frankenstein ' . In 1966 , he gave Sapper's ' Bulldog Drummond ' a Bond make-over . Richard Johnson was well cast ; smooth , charming , and sophisticated . The girls are stunningly beautiful , and the film bristles with excitement , invention and good humour . Nigel Green is excellent as Carl Petersen . Some great set-pieces ; the underground car park fight is surprisingly violent , while the chessboard finale is straight out of ' The Avengers ' . All this plus a cameo by the late , great Leonard Rossiter , and a blinding title song by The Walker Brothers ! Wisely , the film doesn't try to compete with the more lavish Bonds such as ' Goldfinger ' and ' Thunderball ' . Both Drummond films were novelised for Coronet Books by Henry Reymond . |
401,683 | 7,743,887 | 1,420,339 | 10 | Off to work with an empty briefcase | How nice it is for me to be able to say something complimentary about a programme that was not first transmitted thirty years or so ago . The programme in question is ' Reggie Perrin ' , starring Martin Clunes . While I still think the original is a classic , the remake has a lot going for it . Clunes is shaping up nicely as ' Reggie ' . He is playing the role as though it had never been done before , which is how it should be . Had he tried to mimic Leonard Rossiter , the result would have been catastrophic . Secondly , the scripts are of a higher than standard than those we have have grown accustomed to in recent years . It is hard to tell which lines were by Simon Nye and which were by David Nobbs . Of the supporting cast , Neil Stuke's ' Chris Jackson ' is nowhere near as menacing as John Barron's ' C . J ' , but I expect this was deliberate . Susan Earl's ' Wellness Person ' is my personal favourite , and her scenes with Reggie have been ( to quote Tony Webster ) great . His putting the wind chimes down his trousers was hilarious . Like the second episode of the original , this begins with Reggie and Nicola in bed . The fire has gone out of their marriage . Whenever he tries to have some quality time with her , people show up out of the blue ; firstly , Nicola's friends , then her father William ( Geoffrey Whitehead ) , and finally Reggie's own mother ( Wendy Craig ) . William seems to have inherited Jimmy's fondness for saying ' there's been a bit of cock-up on the catering front ' . Reggie hates travelling to work by train so decides to drive one day . Big mistake . The ' Groomtech ' car park is like a maze , and Reggie becomes so frustrated he decides to leave the vehicle in any old place . Chris admonishes Reggie for going to work without a briefcase even though he never has anything in it . Reggie is all set to attend a conference with Jasmine , but after losing control of his emotions he passionately kisses her . She is horrified . There's no safari park ( there would have been no point as Tom and Linda and their awful kids do not exist in this alternative ' Perrin ' universe ) . Where the new show also scores is in making Reggie's flights of fancy even wilder . Here we saw his imaginary self shooting one of Nicola's talkative friends , sending a wrecking ball crashing into his mother , and even breathing fire at Chris ' office door . More of these please ! I love ' em ! So its a thumbs-up from me for this second episode . Can't wait to see Clunes ' ' Reggie ' leaving his clothes on a beach . |
401,653 | 7,743,887 | 237,963 | 10 | Satire On Sunday ! | Of all the sketch shows that came in the wake of ' Monty Python's Flying Circus ' , ' End Of Part One ' was , I think , the best . It only ran to two seasons , yet is well remembered by those who saw it . Andrew Marshall and David Renwick's witty skits mocked not only television programmes , but also their presentation . Titles and theme tunes were parodied accurately . ' Larry Grayson's Fat Ladies ' Embarrassment Game ' sent up ' The Generation Game ' , ' Doctor Eyes ' took the mickey out of Tom Baker-era ' Dr . Who ( director Geoffrey Sax would helm the real thing in 1996 ) , ' OHMS ' was ' MASH ' starring the Royal Family , ' Mr & Mr & Mrs ' was ' Mr & Mrs ' except here the female contestant had two husbands , ' The British Bum Awards ' guyed B . A . F . T . A . ' s tedious award ceremonies ( the recipient of ' The All-Time Greatest Bum Performance Award ' was , naturally , Bernard Manning ) . ' Are You Being Stereotyped ? ' subverted the signature tune of the long-running Jeremy Lloyd / David Croft sit-com to devastating effect , becoming in effect a scathing critique . A parody of ' The Hollywood Greats ' concluded with the Barry Norman figure being murdered by the dead movie stars whose reputations he has wrecked . My favourite sketch was ' Cheapo Cartoon Man ' , which cocked a snook at American animated superhero shows . Not all of the humour was about television . In one funny sketch , set in 1930's Hollywood , a young make-up artist ( Tony Aitken ) completes his designs for the new Frankenstein movie , only to discover that the studio executives all closely resemble the monster . A send-up of ' The Great Escape ' , set in Hell , had The Damned attempting to tunnel their way into Heaven . On arrival , however , they were confronted by none other than Cliff Richard ! The cast , particularly Dudley Stevens and Sue Holderness , were outstanding . In the first season , the sketches were linked by Norman and Vera Straightman ( Aitken and Denise Coffey ) , a dreary T . V . - obsessed couple , but they were barely seen in the second . One item , ' Whoops Apocalypse ! ' , was later expanded , first into a series , and then a film . ' End Of Part One ' was hilarious , frequently brilliant , and deserved a longer run , but L . W . T . tucked it away on Sunday afternoons , where its target audience was least likely to find it . Marshall and Renwick made their displeasure public , refusing to write another series unless it was rescheduled . L . W . T . wouldn't give in , however , and sadly it never came back . Won't someone - anyone - please put ' End Of Part One ' on D . V . D . ? |
400,928 | 7,743,887 | 343,313 | 10 | Thirteen Weeks Of Sheer Bliss ! | Channel 4's ' T . V . Heaven ' set the gold standard for nostalgia shows . Each edition was devoted to a particular year , with programmes , title sequences , news footage and commercials , all ably introduced by the late , great Frank Muir . A few hailed from his time at L . W . T . , such as ' Please Sir ! ' . Among the treats on offer were the aptly-named ' The Strange World Of Gurney Slade ' starring Anthony Newley , ' A Magnum For Schneider ' starring Edward Woodward ( the pilot for ' Callan ' ) , ' Lena O My Lena ' starring Billie Whitelaw , ' The Odd Job Man ' starring Ronnie Barker and David Jason , an episode of ' Police Surgeon ' starring Ian Hendry ( the inspiration for ' The Avengers ' ) and a smattering of shows from the ITC stable , such as ' The Saint ' , ' Danger Man ' and ' The Prisoner ' . Compared with B . B . C . - 4's recent ' T . V . On Trial ' ( which was little more than an excuse for trendy media types to sneer at the past ) , ' T . V . Heaven ' was a class act . A second series , mooted at the time , sadly failed to materialise . |
401,617 | 7,743,887 | 538,467 | 10 | Welcome To Project Zero ! | Along a quiet country road , a man in a lab coat runs , plainly terrified . Coming to a small village square , he finds it eerily deserted . He tries to make a phone call , but while his back is turned , the Postmaster shoots him dead . The scientist's body is later found dumped in a London street . Tremayne tells The Champions that several scientists , all experts in their field , have mysteriously disappeared . Posing as a physicist , Richard Barrett attends an interview for what he believes to be a top secret British Government project . In actual fact , it is bogus ; the project's director - Dr . Voss - intends using a laser gun to destroy stockpiles of nuclear material unless his demands are met . The late Tony Williamson was one of the best I . T . C . staff writers , and this is his finest ' Champions ' script . There's genuine suspense in the scene where Craig attempts to remove the explosive collar around Richard's neck . Great ending , with Sharron getting the last word for once ! |
401,339 | 7,743,887 | 296,429 | 10 | Baxter Brilliance ! | When producer / director David Bell defected to L . W . T . in 1972 , star Stanley Baxter followed suit . ' Picture ' had a brief run ( only four episodes were made ) but provided the Scottish comedian with the launching pad for those spectacular one-hour shows for which he is best remembered . It comprised spoofs of popular television shows of the day such as ' Whicker's World ' , ' Braden's Week ' , ' Cinema ' and ' The Benny Hill Show ' - all were sent up something rotten . ' Scars On Sunday ' , to give an example , had Stanley as ' Jest Fate ' , an accurate lampoon of the late Jess ' Bishop ' Yates . The same sketch featured Stanley as Eartha Kitt and Harry Secombe ! ' Elfin Nolan - Supertramp ' was an effective mickey-take of portentous rock documentaries such as those directed by Tony Palmer . Any resemblance between the character and the late Marc Bolan was presumably coincidental . ' Peculiar Girl ' had Stanley as Barbra Streisand from the film ' Funny Girl ' . Miming to ' Don't Reign On My Parade ' , Stanley was to be seen hijacking a bus , riding various forms of transport ( such as a penny farthing bicycle , tricycle and roller skates ) and zooming over London on a broomstick . Anyone who thinks Stanley was not a good impressionist needs their head examined . He did not just take off politicians and minor celebrities , but went for big-name stars such as Joan Crawford , Bette Davis , Clark Gable and Katherine Hepburn . He was the first comedian to impersonate The Queen ! I have seen Rich Little and he is just not in the same class . Stanley had strong support from the brilliant writer Ken Hoare and director David Bell . Of course some sketches have not aged very well ( the parody of Ken Russell's ' The Music Lovers ' comes to mind ) mainly because memories of the originals have faded . But Stanley's genius remains undiminished with the passage of time . Watch and marvel that comedy of this calibre ever got made , much less transmitted . |
401,188 | 7,743,887 | 538,479 | 10 | Talk , Stirling , talk ! | NEMESIS agent Craig Stirling is trapped in a room from which there is no escape , where he is ruthlessly interrogated by a sinister man , who wants to know all about ' the Retford case ' . Stirling is being broken a bit at a time . The water is drugged , and the exit turns out to be fake . The only people who can help him are Richard and Sharon , but they dare not lift a finger for fear of revealing the existence of their super powers . . . One of the best episodes of ' Man In A Suitcase ' was ' Brainwash ' . ' The Interrogation ' has virtually the same plot , and yes Colin Blakely played an interrogator in that too . Good use of clips of old episodes , Its easily Stuart Damon's finest work on the show , and Blakely gives him powerful support . Dennis Spooner's script has a strong ' Prisoner ' feel . Its the ending which makes the story , though . No , I'm not giving it away . You'll have to watch for yourself . |
401,622 | 7,743,887 | 60,028 | 10 | Trek In The U . K . | I was a fan of ' Star Trek ' long before I saw a single episode . In 1969 a comic called ' Joe 90 : Top Secret ' went on sale in the U . K . Along with ' Joe 90 ' , it featured ' The Champions ' , ' Land Of The Giants ' , and of course , ' Star Trek ' . By the time the B . B . C . bought it - ' Star Trek ' was shown as a summer replacement for ' Dr . Who ' which went temporarily off-air following Patrick Troughton's departure - I was well acquainted with the format and characters . ' The U . S . S . Enterprise ' is , according to the credits , on a five year mission to explore new worlds and go where no man has gone before . The ship is commanded by ' Captain James T . Kirk ' , played by William Shatner . Kirk used to drive me nuts by kissing a different girl each week . Also aboard were the late DeForest Kelley as crusty ' Dr . Leonard ' Bones ' McCoy ' and Leonard Nimoy ( who stole the show ) as the emotionless Vulcan ' Mr . Spock ' . Some highly regarded sci-fi authors contributed scripts , including Harlan Ellison , Robert Bloch , Richart Matheson , Theodore Sturgeon , Jerry Sohl , and Norman Spinrad . The B . B . C . endlessly re-ran ' Star Trek ' throughout the ' 70's , usually in peak viewing time . Though regarded as a failure in the U . S . A . , ' Star Trek ' cast a long shadow over television science fiction for years to come , with new series such as ' Space : 1999 ' being rightly or wrongly compared to it . I got a ' Star Trek ' annual every Christmas until 1979 ! We Brits never experienced ' Trek''s decline because the episodes were screened wildly out of sequence by the B . B . C . I can remember watching ' Return Of The Archons ' in 1974 and thinking it was a brand new episode ! As Mr . Spock might have said : " Most illogical . " . |
400,768 | 7,743,887 | 69,602 | 10 | Not One For The ' Cutting-Edge ' Brigade | The above rating is for the mid-'70's to mid-80's shows , when ' Last Of The Summer Wine ' was at its peak in my view . Brian Wilde was ' Foggy ' , Peter Sallis ' Clegg ' , and the irreplaceable Bill Owen played ' Compo ' . ' Last ' is the perfect tonic ; the sun always shines in Holmfirth , everybody gets on well with everybody else , and nothing unpleasant ever seems to happen . No wonder its lasted thirty-three years . Its detractors seem to think its main audience are pensioners . Wrong . ' Last ' is watched by children too ; in fact its one of the few television comedies on now that the family can enjoy . Naturally , this makes it a thorn in the side of the ' cutting-edge ' comedy brigade , who can't sit through anything for more than two minutes unless someone either swears , vomits or farts . The quality of the show might not be what it once was , but its still more enjoyable than the dire ' Little Britain ' . Brian Murphy , Frank Thornton , Peter Sallis and Stephen Lewis are living proof that comedy doesn't have to be ' a young man's game ' . |
401,382 | 7,743,887 | 69,607 | 10 | Two Lipsticks And A Shaving Brush | A few years ago , the satellite channel U . K . Gold promoted repeats of ' Men Behaving Badly ' with the line : " Here it is , the original flat-sharing sitcom ! " . It was totally untrue . ' Man About The House ' was also a flat-sharing sitcom and ran from 1973-76 . It was the brainchild of Johnnie Mortimer and Brian Cooke , creators of the popular ' Father Dear Father ' . When that sitcom ended , they decided they wanted to do something a bit more in harmony with the times . In the first episode , Chrissy ( Paula Wilcox ) and Jo ( Sally Thomsett ) are tidying their Myddleton Terrace flat following a wild party when they find a man in their bath . He is Robin Tripp ( Richard O'Sullivan ) , a Southampton cookery student of no fixed abode . While his clothes dry out , he puts on a ladies ' dressing gown and prepares them a meal . They are so impressed by his culinary skills that they invite him to stay . But there must be no naughty business . So Robin has to pretend to be gay . . . One of the most iconic ( for me , anyway ) images of ' 70's British television was Sally Thomsett coming out of the London Underground carrying a parasol , and a ' blind ' man doing a double take as her pert bottom swings past . A man living with two girls was a risqué subject for the time . But Mrs . Mary Whitehouse had no need to get hot under the collar , it was innocent , good-natured fun . Mortimer and Cooke's scripts were daring and witty . Richard O'Sullivan was still playing ' Bingham ' in I . T . V . ' s ' Doctor In Charge ' when this got started . In fact the second run of ' In Charge ' overlapped with the first of ' House ' . He was born to play Robin . Paula Wilcox's ' Chrissy ' was a bit more streetwise than ' Beryl ' , the character she played in ' The Lovers ' , while Sally Thomsett's ' Jo ' was a lovable dizzy blonde . For many viewers , Brian Murphy and Yootha Joyce stole the show as the warring Ropers . George had lost interest in sex , but Mildred had not . They went on to their own show - the aptly titled ' George & Mildred ' . The late Doug Fisher was good value as as Robin's friend Larry . He worked so well with Robin he was made into a regular . Within a year of its debut , there was the inevitable movie spin-off . I am not a big fan of the ' Man About The House ' movie because I think it was stretched to fit the big screen . Most of its characters had never appeared in the series . The format was sold to America , where it became the long-running ' Three's Company ' starring the late John Ritter and Suzanne Somers . It was far more suggestive than the British original , with Somers often seen in sexy clothing . After seven seasons , ' House ' ended with Chrissy marrying Robin's older brother Norman ( Norman Eshley ) . Fans were devastated to see Robin failing to get the girl he loved , but there was some consolation in the fact that he went on to land his own show - ' Robin's Nest ' . |
400,997 | 7,743,887 | 536,369 | 10 | A dog leading a double life ? | In the Bronx , residents are being evicted from their homes as part of a new road construction project . Stubbornly refusing to leave is Jewish grandmother Mrs . Bronson . Because the land she lives on is city owned , the police are called in to get rid of her . Toody and Muldoon turn up with eviction papers , but she calmly puts them away along with all the others she has received . She is a spirited woman , also a good cook , and uses charm to win over her would-be evictors . In no time at all she has Toody eating homemade cake and agreeing with her rebellious stance . Muldoon tries reasoning with her , but also falls under her spell . Before the cops leave they fix her broken plumbing . Mrs . Bronson reveals the reason for refusing to move - her dog Queenie is missing , and she is frightened to leave in case it returns . Without telling the Captain , the cops begin a search for the missing animal . . . Another great episode , boasting a wonderful performance by Molly Picon as the recalcitrant ' Mrs . Bronson ' . She reprised the role in the second season episode ' Occupancy August 1st ' . When Muldoon insists she is standing in the way of progress , she retorts with ' Progress ? Because some guy in red socks wants to play golf ten minutes earlier , I have to leave my house ? " . The studio audience breaks into applause . Al Lewis appears in the show for the first time , though not as ' Leo Schnauser ' . In an amusing twist , it emerges that despite his determination to see the old lady out , Mr . Spencer is renting a room in the very house he wants demolished ! Funniest moment - disgusted at Toody and Muldoon's failure to evict Mrs . Bronson , Captain Block decides to do the job himself . His jaw firm , he strides purposefully into the building . Moments later , we see him fixing her doorbell ! |
401,117 | 7,743,887 | 824,745 | 10 | The Making Of A ' Dr . Who ' Classic | When ' Inferno ' was released on D . V . D . earlier this year , I nearly didn't buy it as my V . H . S . copy was still in good condition . Then I changed my mind , and thank goodness for that because then I'd have missed this cracking documentary . Opening with a brief recap of earlier Season 7 adventures , it swiftly moves onto the origins of Don Houghton's story . Outgoing producers Derrick Sherwin and Peter Bryant had decided to exile the Doctor to Earth and make longer stories , decisions the Script-Editor Terrance Dicks did not agree with . ' Inferno ' underwent two major rewrites ; firstly , to bring in some monsters ( Primords ) and secondly , accommodate the seven-episode length by flinging the Doctor into a parallel universe where he meets evil dopplegangers of his friends . In retrospect this second development can now be seen as the moment when the story took on the mantle of greatness . As you may have gathered , ' Inferno ' is my favourite ' Dr . Who ' story of all time , and I'm pleased to report that this documentary is fascinating throughout , full of interesting behind-the-scenes information and comments . Nice to see the cast and crew praising the late Douglas Camfield , even though most of the serial was helmed by Barry Letts . I agree with Nicholas Courtney when he describes the meshing of Camfield's and Letts ' work as ' seamless ' . John Levene seems not to have aged a day since 1970 ! As indeed has Ian Fairbairn , who played doomed technician ' Bromley ' . Its especially moving to hear Caroline John recalling the day she was told she was not coming back to ' Dr . Who ' . I felt the character of ' Liz Shaw ' should not have been dropped . Liz was a feisty , intelligent lady , far removed from the ' screamers ' of the show's monochrome years , and her presence enhanced ' Dr . Who ' immeasurably . Its the only decision Barry Letts took on ' Dr . Who ' with which I strongly disagree . Shame about the caption identifying the author of ' Spearhead From Space ' as Malcolm Hulke . It was , of course , the legendary Robert Holmes . Otherwise , a practically flawless programme . |
401,083 | 7,743,887 | 676,964 | 10 | Its Bleedin ' Treasure Island Now ! | Much to Mackay's disgust , Fletcher is laid up in the hospital wing of Slade prison with a broken foot . Also there is Blanco , an elderly man , and the conniving , weasel-like Norris . On hearing that Norris now owns Blanco's most treasured possessions - an antique snuff box , a Japanese radio , and a music-box that plays ' Waltzing Matilda ' - Fletcher is furious . Norris defends himself by stating that he won these fairly and squarely at cards . Determined that Blanco should get his possessions back , Fletcher cooks up a clever plan to get Norris to hand them over . . . Sitcoms like ' The Fenn Street Gang ' and ' The Goodies ' are easy to review because there are plenty of episodes to be critical of as well as to enthuse about . With ' Porridge ' , its a different situation . Its hard to be objective about the show because each episode is a masterpiece . The combination of Ronnie Barker's acting , great support work from Richard Beckinsale , Fulton Mackay , Brian Wilde et al , the scripts by Dick Clement and Ian LaFrenais all add up to one of television's greatest achievements . ' Happy Release ' takes Fletcher temporarily away from his cell , though thankfully not away from his friends . David Jason makes his third appearance as the old lag Blanco ( his first was in ' No Peace For The Wicked ' ) . Although they played different characters on many series ( ' Hark At Barker ' , ' Six Dates With Barker ' , ' Open All Hours ' ) , Barker and Jason clicked each time . So it is here . Fletcher telling Blanco a dirty joke is one of the episode's many highlights . Colin Farrell , who plays ' Norris ' , was ' Ernie Hadfield ' in the popular Thora Hird I . T . V . sitcom ' In Loving Memory ' . Funniest moment - Norris caught digging up a football pitch in a futile search for buried treasure ! |
401,315 | 7,743,887 | 676,968 | 10 | I read a book once . Green it was ! | Three new arrivals at H . M . Slade Prison - the dimwitted Cyril Heslop , first-timer Lennie Godber , and recidivist Norman Stanley Fletcher . Mackay warns the guards to keep an eye on the latter . Following an army-style lecture on discipline by the Scots warder , the newcomers are subjected to a medical , or ' depersonalisation ' as Fletcher calls it . He gives Godber useful tips on how to survive behind bars , such as requesting special shoes for flat feet to avoid wearing uncomfortable prison boots . In the Governor's office , the wily Cockney pretends to be an expert on tropical fish ( the Governor has a tank of these ) , having set his heart on a cushy job in the library , and a cell of his own . In the event , he gets neither of these , being made to share with Heslop and work in a piggery . Over a year after ' Prisoner & Escort ' went out as part of the ' Seven Of One ' series , ' Porridge ' got underway with this fine episode , establishing the prison setting and introducing Richard Beckinsale as ' Godber ' , who with Ronnie Barker's ' Fletcher ' formed one of the all-time great comedy partnerships . Even here you can see a father / son type relationship developing . The late Brian Glover played ' Heslop ' in the first season only . Clement and La Frenais used him in the ' No Hiding Place ' episode of ' Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads ? ' as ' Brian Flint ' . Funniest moment - Fletcher having a medical , and blaming his feet for all sorts of problems . " Are you or have you ever been a practising homosexual ? " , the doctor asks . Fletcher says seriously : " What , with these feet ? " . |
401,006 | 7,743,887 | 49,059 | 10 | A robbery ? Anything stolen ? | Despite not being an official ' Goon Show ' movie ( as the dire ' Down Among The Z-Men ' was ) , this is the best example of Goon humour on film . I watched it online recently for the first time in fifteen years and found it as hysterically funny as ever . Peter Sellers and Spike Milligan are the incompetent Scotland Yard detectives called in to investigate the theft of the legendary Mukkinese Battlehorn , thought to be the only one of its kind in existence . Along the way they encounter idiots such as Henry Crun , Minnie Bannister and the famous Eccles . Sadly Harry Secombe is missing , but Dick Emery makes a more than adequate replacement . Sellers ' Superintendent Quilt anticipates his later ' Inspector Clouseau ' . The script by Larry Stephens , Harry Booth and Jon Pennington ( with additional material by Spike Milligan and Peter Sellers ) contains a few recycled gags , yet feels fresh . The music was by Edwin Astley , later to compose the excellent scores for I . T . C . shows ' The Saint ' and ' The Baron ' amongst others . He gets into the spirit of the thing by providing dramatic stings every time something ridiculous ( which is very few seconds ) happens . I was slightly surprised at the resemblance between this film and the classic ' Two Ronnies ' serial ' The Phantom Raspberry Blower Of Old London Town ' . Both set out to ridicule in Goon-like fashion the old Basil Rathbone ' Sherlock Holmes ' pictures . Funniest moment - a couple are kissing near the docks in thick London fog . A policeman strolls over . " Sir , would you mind accompanying me to the station ? " . Pause . Then : " I'm lost ! " . He walks off and a moment later , we hear a loud splash ! |
401,313 | 7,743,887 | 676,975 | 10 | I hear you've got a game going ! | To keep their minds occupied behind bars , the inmates of H . M . Slade Prison have turned to gambling . They will bet on anything - two flies walking up a wall , guessing the number of bricks in a cell , two flies walking down a wall - and everything . Fletcher's working with pigs means he has easy access to the hen house , meaning he can get his hands on lots of lovely eggs . Ideal gambling currency . After Ives cheats on a bet , Fletcher gives him eggs which Mackay then finds . Frogmarched off to the Governor's office , Ives is determined to get his own back . . . The second episode introduces Christopher Biggins as the camp ' Lukewarm ' and Ken Jones as ' Orrible Ives ' . Jones featured in a few ' 70's sitcoms , including ' Last Of The Baskets ' which co-starred Patricia Hayes and Arthur Lowe , Vince Powell's ' The Wackers ' and Eric Chappell's very funny ( and undeservedly forgotten ) ' The Squirrels ' . The cowardly ' Ives ' is massively unpopular with both warders and inmates , and here you can see why . On discovering where Fletcher's game ( snakes and ladders ) is to take place , he informs Mackay , who arranges a most suitable punishment . But all is not as it seems , as Fletcher manages to turn the situation to his advantage yet again . The late Ray Dunbobbin is seen as ' Evans ' , whom Fletcher describes as ' that Welsh lunatic who eats electric light bulbs ' . Like ' Heslop ' he was not seen again after the first series . The actor also played ' Sid Skellhorn ' in the first season of ' I Didn't Know You Cared ' and ' Mr . Boswell ' in ' The Liver Birds ' . Funniest moment - Fletcher , Lukewarm , Evans and Heslop emerging from a cellar covered in coal dust . |
401,272 | 7,743,887 | 94,412 | 10 | Steamboat Fatty | If any single individual epitomised the alternative comedy movement of the ' 80's , it was Alexei Sayle . Looking like a newly released convict whose suit has gotten too small for him , he bludgeoned audiences into submission with a powerful blend of surreal humour and satire . Love him or hate him , you couldn't ignore him . ' Stuff ' was a good vehicle for his talents , in which the man himself sped round London on a moped , ranting on topics as diverse as fox hunting , The Royal Family , and Margaret Thatcher , as well as sketches penned by David Renwick and Andrew Marshall , some of which wouldn't have looked out of place in their L . W . T . show ' End Of Part One ' . I remember one funny ( and politically incorrect ! ) item about a Japanese car factory in the Midlands run like a W . W . 2 P . O . W . camp ! Three different title sequences were used ( the best was the Walt Disney spoof with Alexei as Mickey Mouse ! ) , all ended with someone asking : " Who's that fat bastard ? " . Genius more like . |
401,179 | 7,743,887 | 59,968 | 10 | To The Batpoles ! | ' Batman ' was one of a bunch of U . S . shows to benefit from the arrival of colour television in the mid-'60's . The sets , costumes , over-the-top gadgetry , all screamed ' Look ! We're In Colour ! ' . Had it been done two years earlier in black and white , I don't think it would have worked . William Dozier hit on the idea of ' camping ' the Batman character in order to broaden his appeal . It worked ; ' Batman ' displaced ' The Man From U . N . C . L . E . ' as America's coolest show . I can remember watching as a kid and being annoyed because my parents found it funny . Now I understand the reasons for their amusement . It was the ' Police Squad ! ' of its day . One of my favourite scenes had Batman talking to Commissioner Gordon by phone from the Batcave and pretending to be both himself and Bruce Wayne . Though Batman doesn't change his voice Gordon is convinced he's talking to two different people . Another was the scene where Gordon rings Batman for help , only to learn that the Caped Crusader is unavailable . " You know what this means , Chief O'Hara ? We'll have to solve this case ourselves ! " . A long line of distinguished stage and screen stars lined up to make appearances in ' Batman ' , either as villains or to lean out of the window whenever The Dynamic Duo climbed the wall . They included Anne Baxter , George Sanders , Roddy McDowall , Cliff Robertson , Tallulah Bankhead , Cesar Romero , Burgess Meredith , and even Liberace . For me , though , the ultimate ' Batman ' baddie was ' Catwoman ' , as played by the delectable Julie Newmar . She set the T . V . set ablaze with her body language and suggestive dialogue . Like all fads , ' Batman ' didn't last . The third season introduced ' Batgirl ' as a regular , played by Yvonne Craig , and was the weakest of the three . The show's popularity has endured , with reruns always lurking somewhere on the airwaves . It gives a man a good feeling to know The Dynamic Dou are out there still , doing their job ! |
401,133 | 7,743,887 | 59,963 | 10 | So Clever But Oh So Vulnerable | ' Adam Adamant Lives ! ' was another innovative and inventive adventure series from the creative mind of Sydney Newman ( his others include ' The Avengers ' and ' Dr . Who ' ) . Having been placed in suspended animation by his arch-enemy ' The Face ' , the dashing Edwardian hero Adam Adamant ( Gerald Harper ) was found and revived in 1966 , where he , aided and abetted by his sidekicks - the wide-eyed Mod Georgina Jones and ' Jeeves'-like butler William Simms , battled evil in the modern world . Verity Lambert produced , the scripts were by amongst others Brian Clemens and Tony Williamson . Ridley Scott directed several episodes . Being a video-taped B . B . C . production , it stood no chance of competing with the more expensive filmed shows made by I . T . C . , but worked well enough on its own terms . Gerald Harper cut a dash as the caped Adamant , sword stick forever at the ready . The first season outperformed ' The Man From U . N . C . L . E . ' in the ratings in Britain . In the second year , Peter Ducrow was reintroduced as ' The Face ' . Many episodes no longer exist , alas , but those that do are splendidly entertaining and amusing . ( To the unnamed author of the comment entitled ' First Episode ' , I think that you ought to have watched it all the way to the end before submitting your damning review . You do not seem to have grasped that this was a fantasy adventure show , and as such was not intended to be taken seriously . ) |
401,621 | 7,743,887 | 59,966 | 10 | Alias The Baron | I . T . C . made ' The Baron ' as a follow-up to ' The Saint ' series starring Roger Moore . Terry Nation , Dennis Spooner and Brian Clemens ignored John Creasey's books and invented wholly original plots . Some such as ' Storm Warning / The Island ' had a strong ' U . N . C . L . E . / Avengers ' flavour . The casting of Steve Forrest as ' John Mannering ' worked because there were no previous screen incarnations to judge him by . As per the books , Mannering owned an antiques shop in London , but was now a part-time agent for British Intelligence , headed by John Templeton-Greene ( Colin Gordon ) , hence the scope of the plots ran from crime to espionage to mystery . The presence of luscious Sue Lloyd ( as ' Cordelia ' ) further distanced the show from the Moore series . While ' The Baron ' failed to replicate the success of ' The Saint ' in the U . S . A . , it remains an enormously entertaining show and the only screen incarnation of the character to date . It also has one of Edwin Astley's best theme tunes ! |
401,030 | 7,743,887 | 698,885 | 10 | Terror From Thames ! | Sufferers of a nervous disposition found much in early ' 70's British television to give them sleepless nights - the half-eaten corpse in the ' Tomorrow The Rat ' episode of ' Doomwatch ' ; ' Dr . Edith Joynton ' ageing to death in seconds in ' Timeslip ' ; ' Platoon Under-Leader ' Benton's transformation into a Primord in the ' Dr . Who ' story ' Inferno ' ; people turning into skeletons in the ' Bones Of Byrom Blain ' outing of ' Department S ' , and in ' The Goodies ' , Tim Brooke-Taylor in drag finding the remains of Cecily's nanny in a rocking chair ( more frightening than ' Psycho ' ! ) . I forgot to mention Hughie Green in ' Opportunity Knocks ! ' . Beating them all for sheer terror was the title sequence of this Thames-made anthology series . Following the familiar Thames logo , we see a bleak overhead shot of a town . We then glide along a row of terraced houses , whose windows contain screaming faces , a faceless figure , and a boy staring at a bald man whose internal organs are on display . Accompanying all this is a haunting Roger Webb tune , punctuated by the chatter of human voices . Brown trousers time . ' The Death Watcher ' , the third edition broadcast , was written by Jacques Gilles , whose other credits include an episode of ' Danger Man ' ( called ' Say It With Flowers ' ) starring the late , great Patrick McGoohan . Emmy Erikson ( Judy Parfitt ) is a University Professor who travels by train to meet Pickering ( John Neville ) in the name of research for a book on psychic phenomena . He surprises her by taking her to a different location , a house in an isolated setting . He appears charming and affable at first , then mentions his reason for bringing her there . He wishes to stage an experiment to communicate with the dead . Realising he is a nut case , she tries to leave , but there are no late trains so she reluctantly must stay the night . The room she is given has bars on the windows and the door is locked . The next morning , she again tries to leave , but Pickering instructs his employee Dawson ( Victor Maddern ) to physically restrain her . In his cellar , the deranged Pickering has a box in which he intends to imprison Emmy , cover it with chicken wire , and fill with water . As she dies , the last thing she will see is a huge blow-up photograph of her killer . He can then ( so he believes ) speak to her in the next world . Emmy tries screaming out of her window , but to no avail . Pickering has put up a sign that says : ' Nursing Home ' . Passers-by simply ignore her cries of help . . . This is a tense , suspenseful story , and John Neville ( who played ' Sherlock Holmes ' in the 1965 film ' A Study In Terror ' as well as the title role in Terry Gilliam's ' Baron Munchausen ' ) is brilliant as the maniac . Charming , elegant , intelligent - but mad , not averse to dancing with a roll of chicken wire ! Judy Parfitt likewise is impressive as the imprisoned Professor . Today they would probably cast some bimbo in the role . Victor Maddern , known for comedy roles , provides good support as ' Dawson ' . Ostensibly he is on Pickering's side , but then even he comes to see his employer is off his trolley . The ending is guaranteed to send a shiver up the spine . Eleven episodes of this show were made , still exist , and deserve to be released on D . V . D . Checking the transmission dates , I note that the last one went out two years after the rest of the series . I wonder why ? |
400,818 | 7,743,887 | 92,431 | 10 | The Name Is Pulaski ! | The recent I . T . V . series ' Moving Wallpaper / Echo Beach ' won plaudits in some quarters for being ' original ' , and yet was not . Twenty years ago , Roy Clarke ( of ' Last Of The Summer Wine ' and ' Open All Hours ' fame ) came up with a remarkably similar idea for the B . B . C . ' Pulaski ' was a show within a show . It was the name of a long-running television series in which actor Larry Summers ( David Andrews ) portrayed an American detective based in England . Summers was an alcoholic who was carrying on with the actress playing Pulaski's sidekick ' Briggsy ' ( Caroline Langrishe ) . So convincing was he in the role that members of the public actively sought his help in solving real-life crimes . Even criminals seemed taken in by the notion that Summers really was as good a sleuth as his alter-ego . The show was roughly divided between the ' real ' world of Larry Summers and the ' fictional ' world of Pulaski . Often the two interfaced so alarmingly you never knew just what you were watching at any given time . The ' Pulaski ' segments looked suspiciously like a spoof of London Weekend Television's then-current hit ' Dempsey & Makepeace ' which starred Michael Brandon and Glynis Barber . B . B . C . - 1 Controller Michael Grade boasted in a press release that ' Pulaski ' would be the surprise hit of the season . By rights this should have happened . The idea behind the show was ingenious , the scripts were well written , and the acting generally good . The catchy theme tune was by The Shadows . But it had the misfortune to debut on B . B . C . - 1 not long after the Hungerford Massacre in which madman Michael Ryan went on the rampage and killed 14 people . Eager as ever to blame someone or something , the tabloid press decided that the culprit was the B . B . C . for screening the Sylvester Stallone movie ' First Blood ' a short time before . Despite the fact that it contained not one scene similar to the massacre , a wave of outrage led to not only that movie not being screened again for several years ( and then on Channel 5 ) , but also the temporary shelving of a new B . B . C . drama series called ' The Marksman ' . To tie-in with Brian De Palma's new version of ' The Untouchables ' , the station began repeating episodes of the original 1960's series starring Robert Stack , and were made to tone even these down . ' Miami Vice ' also found itself in the doghouse . The opening scene of the first episode of ' Pulaski ' had our hero cornered outside his mobile home by gangsters , leading to a gun battle . As it was part of the series within a series , by rights it should not have given offence , but did . Janet Street-Porter wrote a newspaper article entitled ' Promises , Promises But All We Get Is More Blood ' in which she berated the station for screening such a ' violent ' programme so soon after the Hungerford tragedy . She missed the point completely . ' Pulaski ' was a send-up of the very shows she proposed should be banned . It had other problems too . The ' jumps ' from reality to fantasy were a bit much for viewers to take . After only eight episodes , it ended . A pity as it had a lot of life left in it . It was certainly ahead of its time . Clarke later reworked the idea for I . T . V . as ' The World Of Eddie Weary ' which starred Ray Brooks and Anita Dobson . It was well received but no series followed . ' Pulaski ' was shown in the States as ' Pulaski : The T . V . Detective ' and was much better received there . It managed to capture the brashness and excitement of American style cop shows whilst parodying them at the same time . Today it would probably be called ' postmodern ' . D . V . D . release ? Yes , please ! |
401,674 | 7,743,887 | 71,230 | 10 | Telegram for Mongo ! | American film comedy in the ' 70's was dominated by two men - Woody Allen and Mel Brooks . The latter had made the hilarious ( though unappreciated at the time ) ' The Producers ' and the little-seen ' The Twelve Chairs ' . With two flops to his credit , that should have been the last of him . Fortunately for us , Warner Bros . gave him the finance to make this outrageous Western spoof . Andrew Bergman had written a script called ' Tex X ' , about a black Sheriff sent to ' clean up ' a crime-ridden town in The Wild West , only to find the bigoted locals don't appreciate his efforts . Brooks bought it , and along with other writers such as the brilliant Richard Pryor , made it funnier still . I didn't get to see ' Blazing Saddles ' until 1978 , when it was shown on a double-bill at my local theatre with ' Monty Python & The Holy Grail ' . In those days , there was no Internet to give away the plots of movies , so I came to it not really knowing what to expect . By the time the final credits rolled , my sides ached from laughing too much . I was not alone . Even the usherette could not hold her torch properly . Before the Python movie got underway , we were treated to a trailer for a reissued Lee Van Cleef spaghetti Western , and the audience laughed . Having just sat through ' Blazing Saddles ' , it was impossible to take Westerns seriously any longer . Indeed the genre went out of fashion shortly after its release , and has yet to make anything resembling a full recovery . It brought a dose of much-needed reality to the cowboy flick by focusing on something the others had ignored - racial prejudice . When railroad workers encounter quicksand , they test its depth by ordering two black men to ride a handcart straight through it . Predictably , it sinks , yet the foreman is more concerned with saving the handcart than the men . Later , a wagon containing a black family is forced to travel in a circle by itself during an Indian attack because the whites don't want it in theirs . The ' N ' word is bandied around an awful lot in this movie , I'm afraid , but serves a useful purpose . It reminds us how ignorant prejudiced people are . Only idiots ever use words of that calibre . The movie broke new ground in another respect . The now infamous campfire scene features cowboys eating beans and farting like there's no tomorrow . We are so used to farting in comedies now that it no longer has shock value , but back in those days it was akin to someone stepping on the moon for the first time . Cleavon Little , Harvey Korman , Madeline Kahn , Slim Pickens , Gene Wilder and Brooks himself all contribute marvellous comic performances , ones we will treasure for as long as people love to laugh . Bad taste abounds ; in one scene , an old woman is beaten up by thugs , and in another , a retarded man ( ' Mongo ' ) blown up . P . C . this sure ain't . The ending in which the cowboy fight spills out of the studio and into an adjacent set where a Busby Berkeley-type musical is being made has proved controversial over the years , with many branding it a cop-out , but I disagree . Brooks knew exactly what he was doing . Funniest moment - it has to be the aforementioned campfire scene . I don't normally laugh at farting in movies , but here it feels so right . Mind you , it put me off beans for life . |
401,448 | 7,743,887 | 261,491 | 10 | The Seven Ronnies | ' Seven Of One ' is best remembered as the series that gave Ronnie Barker two of his greatest television successes : ' Porridge ' and ' Open All Hours ' . But don't be fooled into thinking the remaining five are in some way substandard . ' My Old Man ' cast Ronnie as ' Sam Cobbett ' , a cantankerous pensioner struggling to fit in with the modern world ( it later became an I . T . V . series starring the wonderful Clive Dunn ) , ' Another Man's Meat ' featured a sublime teaming of Ronnie , Prunella Scales , Sam Kelly and Joan Sims in this slight but amusing tale of an overweight man whose attempts to diet are taken to extremes , ' Spanner's Eleven ' was a Roy Clarke script about a struggling football team , ' Another Fine Mess ' a sublime evocation of the Laurel & Hardy movies ( almost as good as the real thing , in fact ) and , my favourite , ' I'll Fly You For A Quid ' was about a gambling-mad Welsh family . One wishes they all could have been developed into series . A must for all Ronnie Barker fans . Pity that the D . V . D . release lacks the standard title sequence on two of the five episodes , though . |
401,284 | 7,743,887 | 59,929 | 10 | Another Winner From Michael ! | ' You Must Be Joking ! ' opens with the most famous work of art in history - The Mona Lisa . Suddenly ( courtesy of Bob Godfrey animation ) , it winks at us and grins , exposing blackened teeth . A fast-paced Laurie Johnson theme kicks in , and we are off . Its an early Michael Winner film , so we know it won't be dull . Soldiers from various regiments gather at an Air Force Base in England to hear army psychiatrist Major Foskitt ( Terry-Thomas ) outline his plan for a new initiative test . Imagine , he says , that there has been a nuclear war , and you are the sole survivor . You decide to gather symbols of the British way of life to preserve for posterity . They include a rare flower called ' Lady Frances MacDonough ' , a flight of plaster ducks , a racing course hare , a lock of hair and the autograph of French pop star Sylvie Tarnet , and the Lutine Bell of Lloyds of London . Whoever assembles this lot and returns to the base before a deadline wins a fabulous prize - a 10 day trip around the world . The soldiers are first placed in a maze , from which they must escape . Sgt . Major MacGregor ( Lionel Jeffries ) pole-vaults his way to freedom , while three others escape by helicopter . Sgt . Clegg ( Bernard Cribbins ) tries to tunnel his way out ( in a running gag , each time he emerges from the maze he finds himself within sight of either Foskitt or General Lockwood ( Wilfrid Hyde-White ) who then put him back to begin the whole process all over again . ' Joking ! ' was one of several ' 60's comedy films inspired by the huge success of Staney Kramer's 1963 blockbuster ' Its A Mad , Mad , Mad , Mad , Mad World ' . Its on a much smaller scale , of course , with none of the elaborate slapstick gags of that earlier movie , but is nevertheless enjoyable with a great cast including James Robertson-Justice , Denholm Elliott , Lee Montague , Leslie Phillips , Clive Dunn , Arthur Lowe , Miles Malleson , and Norman Vaughan ( managing to be a lot funnier than he was in ' The Golden Shot ' ) . The top billing goes to America's Michael Callan as ' Lt . Tim Morton ' . I have to say I found him a pain , particularly when he callously dumps his girlfriend Annabelle ( Gabriella Licudi ) in order to run off with Sylvie . The slapstick is augmented by satire ( spot Lance Perceval from ' T . W . 3 ' if you can ) , in particular of British pop culture ( middle-aged women sign photos of pop stars to hand out to fans , while ' The Cavemen ' look and sound suspiciously like a send-up of The Beatles ) . ' Joking ! ' is great fun , with the brilliant Lionel Jeffries stealing every scene he is . Note the bit where he pole-vaults out of the maze . His battle-cry of ' Pogue Mahone ! ' brought gales of laughter from Irish audiences . It is Gaelic for " Kiss my a - - e ! " . On a sad note , Patricia Viterbo , who plays ' Sylvie ' , died in a car accident the following year . Funniest moment ? For me , its the fight between the married couple played by Leslie Phillips and Gwendolyn Watts . Having caught her about to seduce Lt . Morton , he proceeds to throw her Mother's gifts at her . After hurling a statuette through the window of their high-rise flat , he asks through clenched teeth : " Right , now where's your Mother ? " . |
401,261 | 7,743,887 | 280,876 | 10 | Future Medicine | Dr . Roger Full ( Emrys Jones ) was struck off years before following the death of a patient . Since that time , he has sunk slowly into a morass of alcoholism , poverty and despair . His life changes dramatically one day when he finds a black bag containing medical instruments the like of which he has not before seen . The bag was accidentally left behind by an expedition of time travellers from the future . He is able to use these to cure cancerous tumours , as well as provide instant cosmetic surgery . Teaming up with the lovely Angie ( Geraldine Moffatt ) , he opens his own private clinic , soon people are parting with huge sums of money for his services . Naturally his miracle cures bring him to the attention of the authorities . But he has a fit of conscience and horrifies Angie by announcing that he intends donating the bag to medical science so that everyone can benefit . Not wishing to see a good money-making opportunity thrown away , she attacks him with a knife , killing him . The death of Full is noticed by the bag's original owners in the far future , and they deactivate it , making the instruments worthless . Unfortunately , Angie has chosen that precise moment to demonstrate a scalpel to a wealthy client by cutting her throat . . . Until recently , this was a lost episode . The copy in my possession is missing the first twenty or so minutes and the final grisly scene , but it still makes sense . It is a gripping tale , typical of this series . Good science fiction does not need flashy special effects , the story is the important thing . ' Dr . Who ' fans will recognise Emrys Jones ( who plays ' Full ' ) as ' The Master ' in the 1968 story ' The Mind Robber ' . Geraldine Moffatt a . k . a . ' Angie ' , is best known for her role in the iconic Michael Caine gangster movie ' Get Carter ' . C . M . Kornbluth's story was later remade in America for ' Rod Serling's Night Gallery ' . |
401,639 | 7,743,887 | 111,958 | 10 | More tea , Father ? | To my eternal shame , I shunned ' Father Ted ' when it was originally broadcast , and only got into it in 2000 when it was shown on The Paramount Comedy Channel . Its impossible to deliver an objective review of this show because everything about it is perfect . The late Dermot Morgan was one of the greatest comedians of all time ; his early death robbed us of a great talent . It would have been interesting to see what he would have done next . The scripts by Arthur Mathews and Graham Linehan are masterpieces of surreal comedy . Frank Kelly as ' Father Jack Hackett ' , Pauline MacLynn as ' Mrs . Doyle ' and , Ardal O'Hanlon as ' Father Dougal MacGuire ' . . . well , what can I say ? Marvellous . I'm not a great fan of Graham Norton , but his appearances in ' Father Ted ' redeem a lot of the dross reality stuff he's done since . My favourite episode has to be ' A Song For Europe ' mainly due to the hysterically funny ' My Lovely Horse ' song ! Dermot may be gone , but he's left behind a classic that will last forever . |
401,386 | 7,743,887 | 67,355 | 10 | He's The Talk Of The West , Always Cool , He's The Best ! | By 1970 , the spaghetti western genre was looking tired , until Enzo Barboni made this amiable romp . Terence Hill plays the ' Trinity ' of the title , a blue-eyed gunslinger so laid back as to make ' The Man With No Name ' look like The Milky Bar Kid . Teaming up with his brother ' Bambino ' , a bearded giant of a man portrayed by Bud Spencer , they come to the aid of a Mormon community under threat from a greedy landowner played by Farley Granger . Hill and Spencer make a great double act . The film manages to be hilarious without being crude or offensive . Highlights include Trinity shooting a man dead without once turning round , some improvised surgery to remove a bullet ( using whisky as anaesthetic ) and , of course , the climax in which the normally passive Mormons engage in battle with the Major's men . Great music here ! Unsurprisingly , the film broke box office records in Italy and led to a sequel ' Trinity Is Still My Name ' which , alas , wasn't nearly as good . |
401,682 | 7,743,887 | 77,294 | 10 | A Cosmic Watergate ? | Conspiracy theory movies abounded in the ' 70's ; amongst others , there was ' Executive Action ' ( 1973 ) , ' The Parallax View ' ( 1974 ) , ' The Domino Principle ' ( 1977 ) , and , of course , this . ' Capricorn One ' was unusual in two respects ; firstly , it was made by Lew Grade ( so technically it is a British film ) and secondly , the baddies of the piece are not the American Government . Written and directed by Peter Hyams , this intelligent , thought-provoking thriller has as its premise an original idea - what if N . A . S . A . decided to fake a space mission ? For years , the notion that Neil Armstrong never really set foot on the Moon , but was hopping about in a film studio in sunny California has been a popular one amongst theorists . I personally do not think it has any credibility , but the ' evidence ' is there for those who want it . The film begins when three astronauts board a rocket bound for Mars , among them Colonel Brubaker ( James Brolin ) . But before it can take off , a hatch opens and the trio are ordered to leave . The ship blasts off without them . Dr . Kelloway ( Hal Holbrook ) , the head of the mission , informs them that due to unforeseen technical problems the expedition will not now take place as scheduled . Terrified of losing funding , N . A . S . A . is prepared to fake the trip , to give them time to prepare for the real thing in the near-future . So while millions of people watch Brubaker and co . land on Mars , what they are actually seeing is footage transmitted live from a studio . The scheme might have worked had it not been for one tiny thing - the empty rocket crashes back to Earth , and the astronauts are believed dead . Brubaker realises that he and his friends must now die . So they escape and , splitting up , head out into the desert . While they are chased relentlessly , investigative reporter Robert Caulfield ( Elliott Gould ) is working on the case from a different angle . One of the Cape Kennedy staff has noticed that the transmissions have not been coming from Mars . He is later murdered . Caulfield himself nearly dies when the brakes on his car fail . So it is down to him alone to find the three astronauts and expose the whole terrifying conspiracy . . . The late Jerry Goldsmith wrote many fine scores , and this film features one of the his best . That opening theme grabs you from the start . James Brolin , who plays ' Brubaker ' , once came close to replacing Roger Moore as James Bond and , while I am glad he did not land the role , gives a good performance here . Hal Holbrook is wonderful too , not evil as such , just determined to see the Mars project go ahead at all costs , even if it means resorting to deception and murder . The other astronauts are played by Sam Waterston and O . J . Simpson ( who later became the focus of conspiracy theories himself ) . Karen Black pops up briefly , and then there's good old Telly Savalas as an eccentric pilot . Brenda Vaccaro is Brubaker's wife . The film is at its strongest in the first hour , when the premise is laid out . The second sees it evolving into a chase movie ( albeit a well-made one ) , which I think was a bit of a shame . I would have liked to have seen the conspiracy aspect developed a bit more . Still , the desert scenes are harrowing ( some poor sod has to eat a snake ! ) . Sadly , the film was overshadowed in 1979 by the recently released blockbuster ' Superman ' starring Christopher Reeve , and did not find an audience . Nevertheless , it has in my view stood up well and the next time you sit through an archive clip of Neil Armstrong uttering those famous words : " One small step for a man . . . one giant leap for Mankind ! " , you will remember ' Capricorn One ' and a tiny shard of doubt will creep into your mind . . . |
401,039 | 7,743,887 | 536,411 | 10 | There'a hold-up in the Bronx . . . | The first episode of the brilliant American sitcom ' Car 54 Where Are You ? ' which did for the N . Y . P . D . what ' Sergeant Bilko ' did for the Army . Incompetent cops Toody and Muldoon spend their free days fishing without much success . They fantasise about going to sea in an expensive boat and catching a swordfish . O'Hara , one of their colleagues at the 53rd Precinct , has just such a boat , or rather his brother-in-law has , so they ask him to let them come along on their next trip . He flatly refuses . To get him to change his mind , they embark on a campaign of ' niceness ' - filling in his police reports , sending him flowers ( causing his wife to suspect him of having an affair ) and sucking up to him in general . Irritated and annoyed , O'Hara relents . But then they cannot get time off work to go on their proposed fishing trip , hence they ask other cops to rearrange their assigned schedules . Soon the duty roster board resembles a snakes and ladders game as the changes are incorporated . When the matter finally appears settled , more trouble looms . Toody and Muldoon nab a quick-tempered motorist , Conroy , for jumping a red light . He admits his guilt , and asks for a ticket so he can go on his way . But if they comply with his request , they will have to go to court the next day and won't be free to go fishing , so they refuse . The driver insists they and no-one else give him a ticket . A fierce row develops . Bystanders look on in bemusement , as more and more cops join the fray . . . This was Nat Hiken's follow-up to the massively successful ' The Phil Silvers Show ' , and is every bit as good , and occasionally better . ' Toody ' is portrayed by ' Bilko ' semi-regular Joe E . Ross , who looks like Ernest Borgnine on a bad day . The character is not far removed from the one he played on that earlier show - ' Private Ritzik ' . As well as exclaiming " oooh ! oooh ! " every time he has an idea , he also has a domineering wife ( Beatrice Pons played both ' Emma Ritzik ' and ' Lucille Toody ' ) . Tall , gangling Fred Gwynne , a . k . a . ' Muldoon ' , was in two episodes of ' Bilko ' as ' Private Honergan ' , but is more famous as ' Herman ' from ' The Munsters ' . This script , like the best of ' Bilko ' , begins with a basic premise . Lesser writers might have stretched it to fill the entire half-hour , but Hiken gets it over with quickly and moves on , making all kind of unexpected detours , resulting in comedic chaos . Superb dialogue throughout . Funniest moment - the angry confrontation between Toody , Muldoon and the motorist must rank as one of the funniest scenes in any show and surely must have inspired John Cleese to create the legendary ' Fire Drill ' sequence in ' Fawlty Towers ' ! As the last cop joins in the mêlée , he comments : " A good thing he wasn't speeding or we'd have had to call in The National Guard ! " . A sheer delight ! |
401,238 | 7,743,887 | 575,717 | 10 | Old Soldiers Never Die | ' Fairly Secret Army ' was a spin-off from David Nobbs ' ' The Fall & Rise Of Reginald Perrin ' in which Geoffrey Palmer played ' Jimmy Anderson ' , Reggie's scrounging brother-in-law . " Bit of a cock-up on the catering front ! " , he would say , before making off with the contents of Elisabeth's fridge . In the second season , the ex-Major formed a right-wing army of malcontents and misfits who wanted to take-over Britain to save us from ' the forces of anarchy ' - anyone who was not British , basically . Nobbs felt the character worth developing . This series , shot on film without a laugh track , and screened on Channel 4 , was made by Video Arts , a company owned by John Cleese which specialised in company training films ( later shown on television to capitalise on ' Fawlty Towers ' success ) . The only change was that , for copyright reasons , ' Jimmy ' had to be renamed ' Harry Kitchener Wellington Truscott ' . In all other respects , he was the same man ( I never found out why they gave him a moustache though ) ; speaking in clipped , militaristic phrases , bitter at having been made redundant from the army after years of loyal service , and , worst of all , losing his wife to an Italian . The show opened with an animated title sequence in which the face of General Kitchener ( from that famous ' Your Country Needs You ' recruitment poster ) was seen to morph into Harry's hangdog features to the accompaniment of Michael Nyman's stirring patriotic theme . That pointing finger would then go to his lips in a gesture of secrecy . The first episode begins with Harry seeking a job , only to find he is basically unemployable . Harry gives the unhelpful clerk in the Job Centre a lecture about how he fought the Beastly Hun . The young man points out that he was too young to have been in W . W . 2 . Harry walks out in disgust . In a church , he is arrested for attempting to make off with a charity box . A magistrate orders him to pay £50 , which he does not have . Depressed , Harry tries to kill himself by laying on a railway track . A woman out walking a dog points out that the line is no longer in use . Harry next contemplates drowning himself in a reservoir . The dog walker reappears , telling Harry that she loves him . He decides not to go through with it . They go to a pub , where she admits that she only said that to save his life . Harry returns to the reservoir to resume his suicide attempt . Here he meets Tim ' Curly ' Beamish , an old army colleague , and whom Harry blames for breaking up his marriage . Beamish puts an interesting offer to Harry - he has recently inherited £90 , 000 and wishes to split it with him . . . This first episode establishes the characters , particularly Harry's , who despite being a bit of an oaf is also rather tragic . Geoffrey Palmer is fabulous here , extracting every last drop of humour and pathos from the role . The lovely Diane Fletcher plays ' Nancy ' , who rescues Harry from suicide , and becomes his love interest for the rest of the series . Jeremy Child is cast as ' Tim ' Curly ' Beamish , a man whose motives for helping Harry are not as clear-cut as they first appear . Later episodes brought in ' On The Buses ' star Michael Robbins as the wonderfully named ' Sgt . Major Throttle ' , Liz Fraser as his girlfriend ' Doris ' , ' A Bit Of A Do's Paul Chapman as ' Peg-Leg Pogson ' , and even a young Ray Winstone as ' Stubby Collins ' . The combination of Nobbs ' brilliant writing , Palmer's central performance , and the marvellous supporting cast made ' Fairly Secret Army ' a delight from start to finish . It really is worth tracking down . Funniest moment - Harry attempts to steal the church money , only to set off an alarm . He runs , but the vicar comes after him , and brings him down with a flying rugby tackle ! |
401,631 | 7,743,887 | 278,871 | 10 | I like the idea of a nude . . . on a motorbike ! | ' One-Upmanship ' is probably unique in the annals of television in that its Christmas Special preceded the series by over a year . Richard Briers portrayed Stephen Potter , ex-B . B . C . broadcaster and college lecturer , and author of the spoof manuals ' Gamesmanship ' , ' Lifemanship ' , ' One-Upmanship ' , ' Supermanship ' , ' Anti-Woo ' and ' The Complete Golf Gamesmanship ' . What is ' One-Upmanship ' ? Well , nothing less than the art of getting one up on your opponents at all times . As Potter succinctly puts it : " The world is divided into two types of people - winners and losers , the one-up and the one-down . He who is not one-up is surely one-down ' . The books had previously been done on radio and formed the basis for an excellent film starring Ian Carmichael , Terry-Thomas and Alistair Sim entitled ' School For Scoundrels ' ( 1960 ) . Here they were adapted for television by the irreplaceable Barry Took , and took the form of witty sketches depicting various social situations . As well as Briers , the late Peter Jones played the snobbish ' Gatling-Fenn ' , with the late Frederick Jaegar - replete with monocle and buckteeth - as the Bertie Wooster-like ' Cogg-Willoughby ' . I cherish a wine-tasting scene in one episode where the latter employs a pen torch to evaluate the contents of his glass . The gathering then try to outfox one another with unintelligible comments such as : " Too many tram lines for me ! " . But it was Briers ' wry asides to camera ( many lifted from the books ) that got the biggest laughs from me . The humour was altogether very English . Instant Sunshine provided the theme music . ' One-Upmanship ' is one of those wonderful B . B . C . shows which appears alas to have vanished into television oblivion . Surely with such a fine cast and strong writing it deserves a D . V . D . release at the very least ? |
400,755 | 7,743,887 | 710,104 | 10 | My father . . . a male Linda Lovelace ! | While London swelters in a heat wave , Albert relaxes in the yard in a deckchair , stripped to the waist , a knotted hankie on his head , while poor Harold is out totting , having eaten nothing all day save a corned beef sandwich and drunk water from the horse's bucket . Harold has picked up an old ' What The Butler Saw ' machine on the rounds . On hearing that the film features a milkman pouring milk into a woman's bath , Albert's initial excitement turns to horror . He played the milkman years ago when he was young and broke . His wife's sister was the girl in the bath . Harold thinks that this could ruin what little respect he has in the community . To make things worse , the Vicar and his wife express an interest in the machine for their forthcoming Garden Fete . . . Another marvellous episode , brilliantly combining comedy and pathos as usual . It opens with a great sight gag as Harold puts on a pair of sunglasses , only for one of the lenses to fall out and land in a pile of horse dung . Albert weeping on seeing himself as a young man is a poignant moment . Wilfrid Brambell is on good form here , expertly switching from one emotion to another as his eagerness to view the film in the machine is replaced by shame at having appeared in it . Anthony Sharp's ' Vicar ' had previously appeared in ' Men Of Letters ' . Funniest moment - Albert dashes into the living room , wearing only a skimpy towel , unaware that the Vicar and his wife are standing behind him ! |
401,395 | 7,743,887 | 60,153 | 10 | Batman Vs . The Fearsome Foursome ! | Between Seasons 1 and 2 of ' Batman ' , this movie spin-off gave us British fans a chance to appreciate The Caped Crusader in colour . Adam West and Burt Ward reprised their roles as ' Batman ' and ' Robin ' ; even though I never could stand the latter he doesn't spoil the film too much . Madge Blake , Neil Hamilton , Stafford Repp , Cesar Romero , Burgess Meredith , Frank Gorshin are all present and correct . Sadly , Julie Newmar was unavailable to put on her claws , so the equally sexy Lee Meriwether replaced her . Lorenzo Semple Jr . ' s wacky script has Joker , Penguin , Riddler and Catwoman teaming up to take over the world by dehydrating the nine members of the Security Council of the United Nations . Being a feature film , there was a bit ( though not much ) more money to play around with , hence we see the Bat-boat , Bat-cycle , and Bat-copter for the first time , and the Penguin's submarine comes equipped with flippers . Wonderful set-pieces and cheesy dialogue abound . Years before Leslie Nielsen and ' Police Squad ! ' , Adam West was doing the same sort of self-parody here . Bruce Wayne and Madame Kitka ( Catwoman ) indulge in love scenes that put one in mind of one of those marvellously over-the-top spy thrillers of that period . ' Batman ' has to dispose of a bomb in probably the film's most famous scene . It is a genuinely inspired comic moment . Top marks to Semple and director Leslie H . Martinson for making this the most fun ' Batman ' movie of them all . It also gave Tim Burton something to provide an alternative to twenty-three years later . Personally , I like Gotham City best when Nelson Riddle is doing the music . |
401,437 | 7,743,887 | 710,111 | 10 | Two great rows of tombstones flashing at me ! | Campaigning has begun in a local by-election , and Albert and Harold find themselves on opposing ends of the political spectrum ; the former a true-blue Tory , the latter a staunch Labour supporter . Tory bigwigs inform Albert that Prime Minister Ted Heath plans to take tea with him as part of a ' Meet The People ' tour . Albert is so thrilled at the prospect he splashes out on a new china tea set ( which his son later smashes in anger ) , refreshments and decorates the toilet . As secretary for the local Labour Party , Harold - along with his friend Dolly Clackett - intends staging a nude protest . But things do not quite go according to plan . . . Despite being an inversion of ' My Old Man's A Tory ' from Season 4 , this is still a blinding episode in its own right . Ted Heath had only been in power for four months when it went out , and already comedy writers such as Galton and Simpson were sharpening their knives . The opening scene where Harold and Albert debate their respective political views is hilarious and among my favourites of the whole series . Though as poor as a church mouse and living in abject squalor , the old man sincerely believes that voting Conservative puts him above the working classes . If Harold's pro-Labour stance seems eerily authentic , it can partly be attributed to Harry H . Corbett's own political leanings , which were much the same . Funniest moment - every moment is funny , but I love the bit when Harold says he hates Mr . Heath's ambivalent and negative attitude towards the Concorde cock-up ( think about it ) ! |
400,671 | 7,743,887 | 90,453 | 10 | Gotcha ! | Politicians do not hold any real power these days , the press do . They can make and break someone in a short space of time . L . W . T . ' s ' Hot Metal ' did for journalism what Andrew Marshall and David Renwick's earlier ' Whoops Apocalypse ! ' did for The Cold War . The premise is this ; the ailing ' Crucible ' newspaper is bought by vain , right-wing millionaire Twiggy Rathbone , who appoints his twin brother Russell Spam as managing editor . Spam turns the paper into ' The Daily Crucible ' - a muckraking , scandal sheet . Senior editor Harry Stringer can only watch dumbfounded as the paper goes into the gutter in search of lurid stories . Anyone remotely critical of Thatcher is branded insane . Rathbone is sensitive to criticism from others , though ; when ' Spitting Image ' does an unflattering caricature of him , he goes ballistic ! Seedy reporter Greg Kettle is less interested in the truth than simply printing what he thinks the readers want to see . In one episode , he breaks into Prince Andrew's hotel room and damages his packet of condoms ! Other gimmicks to promote the paper involve a campaign to restore capital punishment , and a free pair of glasses that causes the Page Three girl's breasts to wobble ! Thankfully , ' The Crucible ' still has some good reporters left , such as Bill Tytla , an eager young Scot who gradually exposes a far-reaching political conspiracy involving his boss . He was played by John Gordon Sinclair , then still fresh in the public's memory from ' Gregory's Girl ' . Caroline Milmoe replaced him in the second season as ' Maggie Troon ' . Also departing after one season was Geoffrey Palmer a . k . a . ' Harry Stringer ' . Richard Wilson stepped into his shoes as ' Dicky Lipton ' . In the first episode in which he appeared , he is seen wandering naked around the ' Blue Peter ' set during a live broadcast ! Comparisons with ' The Crucible ' and ' The Sun ' were , of course , intentional . Its easy to forget now just how important a role the tabloid rags played in keeping Thatcher in power . The show cleverly combined sharp satire with the mystery thriller format . Running through the first year was a plot that began with a Nikita Kruschev lookalike dropping dead on a talk-show . The experience served Renwick in good stead many years later when he created ' Jonathan Creek ' . Both the writing and acting were of an extremely high standard . It came as a shock to see Robert Hardy of ' All Creatures Great & Small ' fame in a show of this calibre ! He was excellent in the dual role of ' Twiggy Rathbone ' / ' Russell Spam ' . Following the Channel 4 repeats , the show vanished into television oblivion . Someone , somewhere should rectify this at once - better yet , make a new series ! |
400,872 | 7,743,887 | 710,089 | 10 | Harold . . . you're on the turn ! | Harold is collecting what he thinks are valuable antiques for his private collection . When his father accidentally destroys a Burnt Jones painting with a blow lamp ( " This Burnt Jones is more Burnt than Jones ! " ) , they are at loggerheads once more . Their row is interrupted by the arrival of Timothy Stanhope ( Richard Hurndall ) , an elegantly dressed antiques dealer . He sees only one thing of interest in the junkyard - Harold . Harold in turn is fascinated by the older man's sartorial flair and good manners . Albert is horrified at what he perceives to be a change in his son's sexuality . . . When this was made , homosexuality had been legal in Britain for four years , yet it still possessed a stigma in the minds of the older ( and some of the younger ) generation . ' Queer bashing ' continued , while derogatory words like ' poof ' were bandied about in the popular press well into the ' 80's . Of course Harold is not turning gay , but when he responds positively to Stanhope's charm the old man deduces the worst . ' Stanhope ' is played by the late Richard Hurndall , whom ' Dr . Who ' fans will remember replaced William Hartnell as the First Doctor in the 1983 anniversary special ' The Five Doctors ' . When it was repeated on B . B . C . - 2 back in the ' 90's , a gay man wrote to ' Points Of View ' angrily objecting to the homophobic stance adopted by Albert , and suggested the episode be ' never shown again ' . The B . B . C . pointed out that the attitudes were of a different era . I think it would be sad if all programmes depicting old fashioned views were left to gather dust on a shelf for all eternity . That is why I find archive television fascinating - I like looking back to see what people were thinking and doing decades ago . The complainant over-reacted in my view . Funniest moment - Albert looking aghast as Harold walks into the living room dressed in trendy clothes - and carrying a men's shoulder-bag ! |
400,754 | 7,743,887 | 710,088 | 10 | What's it like for crumpet ? | Harold is dating the very sexy Marcia Wigley ( Lynn Farleigh ) , who describes both herself and her husband as ' swingers ' , even though he cannot do much swinging as he is currently in jail . They both want to go up to Harold's room , but Albert is making a racket by mending old shoes . Finally , believing the old man to be asleep , they both creep upstairs . Harold's lust is dampened as Marcia screams on catching sight of a bed-bug . After she flees the house , Harold resolves to get a new bed . . . I doubt whether a plot like this would have been used in the original series - well , at least , Harold's true intention for the bed would not have been so graphically depicted . I recall on ' Points Of View ' viewers complaining about what they perceived to be a ' coarsening ' of the series ' humour , when all that had happened was that it had moved with the times . Great bed shop scene , with Harold trying to impress the camp salesman ( Angus Mackay ) by using French , anticipating ' Del Boy Trotter ' of ' Only Fools & Horses ' by a few years . As soon as Harold and Albert walk in , the salesman tells them : " The betting shop's next door ! " . When the old man goes to light a Turkish fag , he almost chokes . Then he leaves horse dung on one of the beds . Water beds were fashionable around that time , though only for the well-off . Albert's initial contempt turns to admiration . " You needn't worry about bed bugs . . . it'll drown the little bleeders ! " . Lynn Farleigh is very good as the willing ' Marcia ' . She is still acting I believe . Good for her . Funniest moment - Harold and Marcia sweeping romantically into each other's arms , falling onto the water bed , which then bursts open ! A classic Steptoe moment . Second funniest moment - Blink and you will miss it but , over the end credits , Harold - looking like Jack Nicholson's axe man from ' The Shining ' - can be seen trying to break down the door to Albert's room while the old man cowers in terror under the mattress ! We can but wonder what happened next . . . |
401,433 | 7,743,887 | 710,092 | 10 | Strictly Steptoe Dancing ! | Its Sunday afternoon . While Albert snores his head off in his favourite armchair , Harold talks to himself . He is thoroughly miserable because he has set his sights on an attractive woman named Jean and does not appear to be getting anywhere with her . As Jean is a fan of ballroom dancing , Albert offers to teach his son so that the couple can enter a local contest . Harold is clumsy at first , but soon gets the hang of it . Confidant of winning the prize money , the trophy and the girl of his dreams , he heads for the contest . . . This episode is structured in two parts ; the first in which Harold whines about being bored has echoes of the classic ' Sunday Afternoon At Home ' episode of ' Hancock's Half-Hour ' , the second has Albert teaching Harold how to dance . Of course the whole thing ends in disaster ; Harold learns too late that he has only succeeded in mastering the woman's steps . Bye bye prize money , trophy and Jean . I watched this again recently and my wife complained because we did not see Harold's humiliation , merely heard of it second-hand from Harold himself . I argued that it would have been too expensive to stage such a scene , with all the extras and costumes and so on , and that it was funnier the way it was . What's wrong with using your imagination every now and then when watching television ? Funniest moment - Harold , dressed up for the occasion , dances a few steps in the yard , before accidentally treading in horse dung ! |
401,435 | 7,743,887 | 710,131 | 10 | I'll bung you in the black bath ! | Harold is fed up with living in squalor ( he has to put saucepans down each time it rains ) and proposes that he and Albert sell up and move to a quiet , residential area . Predictably , the old man isn't keen on the idea , but is finally seduced by his son's talk of a better life . They are shown around their dream house , which comes equipped with such modern labour-saving devices as a kitchen waste disposal unit , eye-level grill , and smell extractor ( " We're going to need that ! " , quips Harold , glancing at his father ) . The posh estate agent is amused when they tell him they plan to run their business from the house . But their interest in the property has been noted by the local Residents ' Association . They pay the Steptoes a visit . . . Another marvellous episode , in which the Steptoes turn the snobbery of the middle classes to their own financial advantage . Of course the R . A . won't admit to being biased against Harold and Albert because they are poor ( much the same way racists usually begin their foul outbursts with ' I'm not a racist , but . . . ' ) . Interestingly , while Harold rages at their blatant class discrimination , Albert is keen to accept their offer , and does ( having managed to push the price up considerably first ) . The R . A . fails to realise it has been outwitted by a man of the same political persuasion as themselves . The late Norman Bird is the Chairman of the R . A . This marvellous character actor appeared in everything from ' Fawlty Towers ' to ' Worzel Gummidge ' . Funniest moment - Albert's revulsion on seeing a black bath . " It'll match the water ! " , says Harold , referring to his father's legendary lack of hygiene . |
401,664 | 7,743,887 | 710,129 | 10 | What kind of fool am I ? | Albert is confined to bed with back trouble . A doctor ( Robert James ) has prescribed plenty of rest . Naturally the old man takes advantage of the situation by living like a king , with poor old Harold not only cleaning the house , shopping , changing library books , preparing and taking meals upstairs , but also being expected to go totting as well . When he gets the time . It all comes to a head when Harold lets his feelings be known . Of course he calms down eventually . Attempting to change channels on the T . V . set while Harold is out , the old man's slipped disc suddenly rights itself . Instead of telling Harold this , he continues to treat him like a slave . Harold notices his favourite liquorice allsorts - the pink ones - have gone missing , also cans of beer have been drunk . He puts two and two together , and plots a terrible revenge on his malingering father . . . A superb episode from the final run of ' Steptoe & Son ' . Poor Harold is really pushed to the limit here , anyone who has had to look after a sick relative will know exactly how he feels . His line ' we'll manage . . . we always do ' is wonderfully touching . The old man plays the sympathy card relentlessly , so much so that in spite of his condition you do not feel at all sorry for him . His comeuppance , when it comes , is eminently satisfying . Robert James , who plays ' The Doctor ' , was ' Lesterson ' in Patrick Troughton's ' Dr . Who ' debut in 1966 : ' The Power Of The Daleks ' . Funniest moment - Harold staying out of sight while his Dad comes downstairs and steals the liquorice allsorts . He then creeps up behind him and delivers an imaginary kick to his rear ! Great stuff . |
401,223 | 7,743,887 | 649,322 | 10 | I've been had ! | An episode of the underrated fifth season of ' Mission : Impossible ' . No tape recorder opening this time . We are plunged into the mission immediately . Barney Collier ( Greg Morris ) and Willy Armitage ( Peter Lupus ) have broken into the Interoco Chemical Plant somewhere in the Middle East ( how prophetic ! ) to destroy the formula for a deadly new chemical called Dehominant-B , which the regime intends using against a neighbouring country . Barney accidentally gets contaminated by the stuff , and is taken prisoner . Willy escapes . So now the I . M . F . have two problems to contend with - get Barney out before he dies , and complete the original mission . Breaking a cardinal rule , they decide to recruit an ' innocent ' - a drop-out scientist named Jerome Carlin ( the late Christopher Connolly ) . At first they offer him money to join them , but he refuses , so instead they make it appear as though his girlfriend has been kidnapped . He signs up for the trip . The journey to the laboratory involves a conduit tunnel . But then Carlin recognises Paris ( Leonard Nimoy ) and Doug ( Sam Elliott ) , and realising he has been conned , refuses to co-operate further . . . Not only a very tense episode , but a thought-provoking one as it brings into question the I . M . F . ' s ethics . In common with other young Americans at that time , Carlin bitterly resents the fact that his country is meddling in the affairs of others . Originally , the arguments were to have been a lot more robust , but Laurence Heath rewrote Marc Norman's script to bring it more into line with the show's adventure format . Connolly is good as the argumentative scientist . British viewers probably best remember him for his role in the long-running soap ' Peyton Place ' . Larry Linville , who plays ' Colonel Orlov ' , was the Bible-thumping ' Major Frank Burns ' in the seminal comedy series ' M . A . S . H ' . This marked the first time viewers saw the character of ' Doug ' , played by Sam Elliott , originally planned as a replacement for Peter Lupus ( until fans demanded his reinstatement ! ) . Episodes such as this helped bring a new dimension to the long-running show . |
401,228 | 7,743,887 | 649,324 | 10 | Who is ' Scorpio ' ? | ' The Killer ' was chosen to open the fifth season of ' Mission : Impossible ' . Robert Conrad guests as ' Eddie Lorca ' , a professional hit-man who flies to Los Angeles to carry out an assassination . He does not yet know whom he will kill . His paymaster is the mysterious ' Scorpio ' . Waiting for him are Jim Phelps and the I . M . F . ( Impossible Missions Force ) . Picking him up in a taxi , Paris ( Leonard Nimoy ) drives him to a fake hotel - the Bower . Lorca refuses the room allocated him , preferring to select his own as he makes decisions based on the throw of a pair of dice . Room 7 is fitted out with cameras and microphones so that the I . M . F . can follow his every move . He arranges a rendezvous with a young woman in Scorpio's employ to collect his orders . But the woman he meets is not the one he spoke to . It is I . M . F . agent Dana Lambert ( Lesley Warren ) . Lorca senses she is not right . . . Immediately you can tell this is not the ' Mission : Impossible ' of old . It opens with a short self-contained scene showing the villain relaxing while his girlfriend dances to modern music , then Phelps appears and once again gets his orders via a self-destructing tape recorder . The titles kick in , and afterwards , there's no dossier scene , but a quick briefing , and then Lorca's plane touches down and we are off . These changes were mainly the work of producer Bruce Lansbury , who wanted to give the show a fresher , more up-to-date look . The previous season featured a number of actresses standing in for Barbara Bain , but Lansbury decided he wanted a new regular female character , and so Lesley Ann Warren ( credited as ' Lesley Warren ' ) was brought in to play ' Dana Lambert ' . She brought a new , youthful look to the series , proving especially useful in impersonating waitresses and college students , something her predecessors could not have done . Robert Conrad is terrific as ' Lorca ' , a character who proves difficult for the I . M . F . to deal with as his decisions are often based on the random throw of a dice . Anyone familiar with the series knows that a major part of I . M . F . strategy is the prediction of their opponents ' actions . There's a long but suspenseful scene near the beginning when Lorca is being driven to the hotel , and Willy tries to delay the trip to give Jim more time to get the hotel ready . Firstly , the car stops at lights , and then a pair of lorries block the road . Good script by Arthur Weiss , who also wrote some wonderfully daft episodes of the final run of ' Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea ' . When ' Mission : Impossible ' was revived in the ' 80's in the middle of a writer's strike , several old scripts were recycled - this was the first . John De Lancie played ' Lorca ' on that occasion . |
401,190 | 7,743,887 | 55,701 | 10 | Simon In The ' 60's | The show that made Roger Moore a star and rightly so . After forty-three years no-one has matched his version of ' The Saint ' . He brought warmth and charisma to the role , as well as directing episodes such as ' The House On Dragon's Rock ' . He was supported by Britain's finest actors such as Julie Christie , Anthony Quayle , Sylvia Syms , Peter Wyngarde , Edward Woodward and Ronnie Barker . Who can forget the late Ivor Dean as the hapless , gum-chewing ' Inspector Teal ' ? The scripts were of a very high calibre , often derived from Charteris ' short stories ( the later colour shows boasted original plots ) from writers such as Terry Nation , Terence Feely , Donald James and John Kruse . Leslie Charteris was impressed with Kruse , describing him as ' the real find of the operation ' . Unlike later versions , this ' Saint ' fitted its time period ( the ' 60's ) like a glove . Edwin Astley's ' Saint ' theme was the cherry on the cake . The show only ended because Roger Moore wanted to move on . Had he stayed , it would have lasted well into the ' 70's . |
400,916 | 7,743,887 | 94,273 | 10 | A Chilling View Of A Nightmare Future | In the late ' 80's , as satellite television finally became a reality in the U . K . , this gripping play by William Nicholson attempted to warn of the possible dangers involved . Dirk Bogarde plays ' James Marriner ' , a washed-up T . V . personality ( known to viewers as ' Gentleman Jim ' ) hired by an American satellite network as front man for their British operation . Having been dismissed from the terrestrial channels on account of his alcoholism , he jumps at the chance to get back on the box . He makes a horrifying discovery - the station is owned by a far-right religious group who intend using the programmes for propaganda purposes . Marriner is therefore faced with a dilemma - should he keep silent or denounce the station and possibly risk destroying his last attempt at a career comeback ? He chooses the latter option . The station immediately sets out to discredit him . An old girlfriend of Marriner's - Margaret Bunn - becomes the victim of character assassination by the media , who hound her at every turn , nicknaming her ' the Bunny girl ' . Eventually , unable to take any more , she kills herself . Marriner agrees to go on live television to make one final bid at exposing these fanatics . But he has underestimated them . After making a desperate plea , he is told that his speech has not gone out live , and that he is now completely finished . Despondent , he leaves the studio . . . Unlike the other I . M . D . B . reviewer , I did not find this the least bit ' implausible ' . On the contrary , what was predicted here has tragically come to pass . As I write , the skies are full of satellites pumping distorted news into millions of peoples ' homes , the Fox News Network's coverage of the Iraq War being an obvious example . Dirk Bogarde gives a powerful performance as ' Marriner ' , and I do not care if his final speech to camera was done better by Peter Finch in ' Network ' . Lee Remick made her final appearance before her sad death , and she is splendidly evil as the station's boss . Unlike Wilfred Greatorex's ' 1990 ' , this manages to be entertaining , with strong performances from the cast , and a twisty script . I only wish ' The Vision ' had had some impact on its original transmission . The nightmare predicted here could have been avoided , and we would not now be living in the horrific world we are now in . There was a Conservative Government in power when this went out , and they were hardly likely to heed the message of a play like this , no matter how well conveyed . The Labour Government could have passed laws to ensure that television is not in the hands of those with axes to grind , but inexplicably chose not to . So top marks to everyone connected with this , but what a shame the message did not get through in time . Politicians of both right and left should be roundly condemned for their fatal lack of vision . |
401,430 | 7,743,887 | 710,127 | 10 | There's a po in it ! | Harold is delighted with his latest purchase - a Regency commode , which he got for only £7 . 10 . The woman who sold it to him had no idea as to its true worth . But his father , normally not averse to making a quick profit , is appalled , seeing the purchase as unethical . Then the ex-owner turns up , and offers to buy it back for a tidy little sum . Harold agrees . An antiques dealer pays a visit later that day , and establishes the commode's true worth , somewhere in the region of £500 . When the old man points out it has already been sold , Harold nudges him quiet . He sees an opportunity to make an even bigger profit . . . Nice little episode , once again Albert and Harold are on opposing sides in a dispute , culminating in the latter losing rather than making money thanks to his greed . The late John Arnatt was a cast member of ' The Adventures Of Robin Hood ' starring Richard Greene . He played the ' Deputy Sheriff ' . Funniest moment - Albert's confession that he'd sold plus fours to an Asian man . " You didn't tell him they'd gone out of style ! " , says Harold . Albert replies : " Sir Alec Douglas-Home wears them ! " . " Yes , on the grouse moors , not for going after a job on the buses ! " . |
400,825 | 7,743,887 | 80,917 | 10 | An Everyday Story Of A Monk Falling In Love With A Hooker ! | ' In God We Tru$t ' opened to a unanimous drubbing from critics and public alike . Universal terminated Marty's contract , plunging him into suicidal despair . Actually , its quite a clever satire on the commercialisation of religion , Christianity in particular . Many attacked the film on the basis that it was somehow blasphemous , which is ridiculous . Marty Feldman gives a delightful performance as ' Brother Ambrose ' , a monk who ventures into the outside world to seek financial help for his monastery , and is appalled at what he finds . Peter Boyle's mobile church has to be seen to be believed ! Andy Kaufman almost steals the film as ' Armaggeddon T . Thunderbird ' , a charlatan of the first order , and Louise Lasser is terrific as the hooker who captures Brother Ambrose's heart . The film combines satire with slapstick to hilarious effect , and the scene with Richard Pryor as G . O . D . is classic ! Despite putting paid to Marty's popularity in the U . S . A . , this underrated comedy deserves a major revaluation . |
401,483 | 7,743,887 | 84,991 | 10 | Trouble At T'Mill ! | In the early ' 80's , the world was in the grip of ' Dallas ' fever . This ludicrous , overblown saga of Texan oil billionaires had somehow gripped the public's imagination , and inevitably imitations ( ' Flamingo Road ' , ' Falcon Crest ' , ' Dynasty ' ) and parodies appeared . ' Brass ' was the creation of Julian Roach and John Stevenson , two of ' Coronation Street's ' best scriptwriters . It was produced by Bill Podmore , also a producer on ' Street ' . Set in the 1930's , in the fictional Northern town of Utterley , it centred around the wildly contrasting lives of two families - the Hardacres ( who were very rich ) and the Fairchilds ( who were not ) . Bradley Hardacre ( splendidly brought to life by Timothy West ) was a ruthless cigar-smoking tycoon with Thatcherite values - J . R . Ewing as he might have been written by J . B . Priestley - who owned everything of importance in the community , and whose idea of fun was sacking workers . His wife was the wheelchair-bound Lady Patience ( Caroline Blakiston ) , a confirmed alcoholic . Hardacre had two daughters - the wayward Isobel ( Gail Harrison ) and virginal Charlotte ( Emily Morgan ) . He also had two sons - the scheming cad Austin ( Robert Reynolds ) and the gay ( and teddy bear loving ) Morris ( the late James Saxon ) . The Fairchilds were led by Agnes ( Barbara Ewing ) , a feminist before her time ( and whose heaving bosom deserved a spin-off of its own ) and dimwitted husband George ( Geofrrey Hinsliff - later to play taxi driver ' Don Brennan ' in ' Coronation Street ' ) . Their sons were the strapping Jack ( Shaun Scott ) and shy poet Matthew ( Gary Cady ) . It was an inspired spoof of grim Northern dramas such as ' When The Boat Comes In ' and ' Sam ' , and even found time to thumb its nose at the likes of ' Dr . Finlay's Casebook ' , ' Brideshead Revisited ' , and ' Sons & Lovers ' . References to real-life politicians such as Margaret Thatcher and Michael Heseltine ( this was made during the Miners ' Strike ) sneaked in from time to time . The U . S . comedy ' Soap ' was also a major inspiration , particularly with regards to the insane plots . Stevenson and Roach's dialogue was often pure ' Carry On ' . For example , when Isobel talked about her horse Brass Beauty , she told her father : " I have never known her to refuse a jump . " . Hardacre wryly replied : " You and she are well matched ! " . Sex was referred to by the working classes as ' clog banting ! ' . The cast delivered the absurd lines with a straight face . And there was no laugh track to spoil the fun . Some viewers mistook the show for a drama in the mold of Granada's ' The Mallens ' , but after a while , the penny dropped and ' Brass ' found an audience , even if the pit disaster in one episode made some distinctly uncomfortable . The first series ended on a ' Dallas'-style cliffhanger as a chimney on which Jack and Matthew were sitting ( don't ask ) collapsed , and Isobel and Charlotte did a Lady Godiva impression by riding Brass Beauty naked through the cobblestoned streets of Utterley during a Royal visit ( Gail Harrison claimed in an interview that both she and Emily Morgan wore body stockings for the scene , but I do not believe it . ) . Following a second season in 1984 , the show disappeared for six years , finally returning ( to Channel 4 ) for a much shorter third run , changing the setting to World War Two , where Hardacre was now a munitions factory owner and working on a submarine named after himself called ' The Insufferable ' ! It was not as good as the earlier series , mainly due to a number of cast changes , but also the joke had worn off . ' Brass ' has more or less been completely forgotten . In 1996 , Granada Plus repeated the first series - but not the second and third . Thankfully , the entire run is now on D . V . D . and I . T . V . are planning on devoting a forthcoming edition of ' Comedy Classics ' to it . An angry viewer's letter in the ' News Of The World ' in 1983 said : " ' Brass ' brasses me off . By making fun of soaps , it is also making fun of the people who enjoy them . To add insult to injury , it goes out straight after ' Coronation Street ' ! " . |
400,831 | 7,743,887 | 77,147 | 10 | Eric Idle's Finest Hour | The final impression conveyed by this dismal programme was that of the talentless sneering at the talented was how one angry Beatles fan summed up ' All You Need Is Cash ' in a letter to ' The Radio Times ' in 1978 . He'd missed the point completely . Eric Idle and Gary Weis ' film is not a mickey take of the group themselves , but rather the media circus that surrounded the Beatles . Archive footage is seamlessly blended with new material to create an exhilarating comic portrait of a fictitious ' 60's super group . Those who saw Tony Palmer's pretentious ' All You Need Is Love ' series will appreciate Idle's spoof even more . Special mention must be made of Neil Innes as the Lennon figure , Ron Nasty . So brilliant were his Beatles pastiches that they were eventually released as an album . And as for ' Yellow Submarine Sandwich ' , well , it takes your breath away ! Not all of the film works , for example , the joke made of Brian Epstein's death falls flat , but it remains Idle's best post ' Python ' project to date . |
401,082 | 7,743,887 | 828,940 | 10 | Jack Becomes Blakey ! | Stan and Jack get a new fiddle going - by waiting round a corner from a bus stop they can avoid picking up passengers and have a crafty smoke at the same time - but then disaster strikes ! Jack is unexpectedly promoted to the post of Inspector . Stan is chuffed at first , as he thinks his friend will give him more overtime and turn a blind eye to his numerous fiddles , but instead Jack undergoes a change of personality . He becomes another Blakey . Poor Stan suddenly finds his perks under the close scrutiny of the management . To make matters worse , he has arranged a date with the lovely Christine , a clippie who eats like there's no tomorrow . . . This is ' On The Buses ' answer to ' Animal Farm ' . Its also a reworking of a first season episode called ' The New Inspector ' , though Stan was the one promoted on that occasion . Bob Grant gives one of his best performances here ; as soon as he puts on the badge and peaked cap he turns thoroughly evil . That cheeky grin is suddenly gone . Surprisingly , Stan never tries to exact revenge when Jack becomes an ordinary Conductor again . Another man would have belted him one for betraying confidences . This is the lovely Madeleine Mills ' third appearance in the show ; previously , she had been ' Sally ' in ' Going Steady ' and ' The Inspector's Niece ' . Christine is not so stuck-up as Sally , though with her appetite for food she would have been a financial drain on any man who took her out . Funniest moment - Blakey getting drenched in batter ! |
400,656 | 7,743,887 | 71,357 | 10 | Extraordinary Way To Clean Windows ! | In the early ' 70's , a number of Sphere-published books , all credited to one ' Timothy Lea ' and whose titles were prefixed by the words ' Confessions Of A . . . ' , went on sale in Britain . I never bought one ( I was more into Agaton Sax ) , but a Form Five boy brought several to school , which he passed round behind the bike shed , the naughty bits underlined in red . They were the work of Christopher Wood , and their riotous blend of sex and slapstick made them bestsellers . In 1974 , producer Greg Smith turned the first into ' Confessions Of A Window Cleaner ' starring Robin Askwith as ' Timmy ' , a cheeky young Cockney whom the ladies adore . The director , Val Guest , had recently made another sex comedy - ' Au Pair Girls ' with Gabrielle Drake . Timmy's family is made up of half of the cast of the B . B . C . ' s ' Till Death Us Do Part ' - Dandy Nichols and Anthony Booth . Sheila White ( for me the sexiest bit of crumpet in the franchise ) played Timmy's blowsy sister ' Rosie ' , with Bill Maynard as his flat-capped Dad , who had a penchant for bringing home stuff from the Lost Property office where he worked . It amused cinema-going audiences in the ' 70's to see sitcom stars competing for attention with bare boobs and bums . At the start of ' Cleaner ' , Timmy is still a virgin , even after an encounter with a sexy stripper named ' Lil ' ( he makes love to her suspender belt by mistake ! ) but finally a customer called Jackie does the dirty deed . In the film's most notorious scene , she and Timmy make out in a kitchen awash with soap bubbles . Like ' Alfie ' , the story cheerfully bounds from one sexy encounter to another . Anita Graham pops up as an energetic Au Pair ( though her clothes disappointingly stay on throughout her scene ) , Melissa Stribling tries to seduce Timmy in a coal cellar , and Linda Hayden raises temperatures as a policewoman called ' Liz ' ( or ' Fanny The Fuzz ' as Sid disparagingly refers to her ) . The ' Confessions ' series has often been likened to the ' Carry On ' series , but I think a more realistic comparison is to be made with the ' On The Buses ' movies . Like ' Stan Butler ' , Timmy lives at home with his mother , sister , and brother-in-law . Interestingly , when Dandy Nichols backed out of the series , who did Smith replace her with ? Doris Hare , of course . Smith had the decency to acknowledge his debt to Peter Rogers at the time , while Tony Booth blasted the critics who panned ' Cleaner ' . ' The mere thought that this is the first in a series is enough to set the jaw solid ' sniffed one , while another stated simply : " Come back ' Carry On's ' , all is forgiven ! ' . The ' Confessions ' films were noticeably tamer than the books , which were full of bad language . But the public wholeheartedly embraced ' Cleaner ' and made it the most commercially successful film on release in 1974 , paving the way not only for three sequels but numerous imitators , such as the ' Adventures ' series . I'm on their side because ' Cleaner ' not only is good fun , but boasts a great soundtrack , and a first-rate cast clearly enjoying themselves . It would not be until the ' 90's that the ' Confessions ' finally made it to terrestrial television . Channel Five ( as it was then called ) garnered excellent ratings from the quartet . One in the eye for Mary Whitehouse ! |
401,440 | 7,743,887 | 181,269 | 10 | Mr . Parris ' Worst Week ! | Back in Thatcher's Britain , rent-a-quote Tory M . P . Matthew Parris overstepped the mark by claiming benefit claimants had it easy . Granada's ' World In Action ' challenged him to sign on the dole for one week , and he did . Guess what ? He couldn't live on the money ! ' World In Action ' was a hard-hitting current affairs programme that dared to cover issues ignored by the rest of the news media . During its incredible four-decade run , it covered amongst other things the rise of the National Front , militant infiltration of trade unions , the decline of the N . H . S . , questioned whether The Queen should pay tax , presented debates both for and against the restoration of capital punishment , and interviewed Thatcher before she became P . M . It lacked ' gimmicks ' such as bimbo presenters , dramatic music and glitzy sets , and went for the jugular . ' World ' was axed in 1999 , for reasons that are still unclear . In its old slot - Monday 8 . 30 P . M . - you can now see . . . another episode of ' Coronation Street ' ! Who says British television has dumbed down ? |
401,446 | 7,743,887 | 60,036 | 10 | More Television Magic From Irwin Allen ! | ' Project Tic Tok ' is a secret underground base where scientists have developed time travel . Head of the project is Dr . Tony Newman . Terrified of losing Government funding , Newman decides to test the device , known as ' the time tunnel ' , using himself as guinea pig . He finds himself on the deck of the Titanic , hours before its destruction . Dr . Doug Phillips follows him into the past , but can the course of history be changed ? I can remember being stunned by the opening episode of ' The Time Tunnel ' back in the ' 60's . Even in black and white , the set looked incredible , a two-tone vortex stretching to infinity . Irwin Allen spared no expense here . As a cost-cutting measure , however , he was forced to plunder old historical movies to provide the settings , but it didn't harm the show as much as it could have . Like his other series such as ' Lost In Space ' , ' Time ' emphasised action at the expense of plot and characterisation . James Darren and Robert Colbert made an exceptionally likable pair of time-travellers , while Lee Meriwether looked glamorous even in a lab coat . Each week , Tony and Doug would arrive at the scene of a famous historical event or disaster , such as Krakatoa or Little Big Horn , and try to survive without changing history . Perhaps the best episode was ' The Day The Sky Fell In ' in which Doug and Tony materialise at Pearl Harbour hours before the Japanese attack . Tony meets himself as a boy , and his father whom he knows will die soon . The ending is deeply moving . Towards the end of the run , several ' alien invasion ' stories appeared , but this didn't help ratings . ' Time ' suffered the misfortune of being scheduled against ' The Man From U . N . C . L . E . ' , then at the height of its popularity . Despite having the shortest shelf-life of any Allen show , ' Time ' is amongst his best , and was his personal favourite . |
400,770 | 7,743,887 | 66,648 | 10 | Dr . Upton Will See You Now ! | ' In The House ' concluded with the students finally passing their medical exams , so it looked like the end for the show . Frank Muir had moved on , to be replaced as Head of Comedy at L . W . T . by Barry Took . But two weeks after the last episode was recorded , Humphrey Barclay contacted the cast to inform them it would be coming back . The result was ' Doctor In Large ' , and it saw Upton , Collier , and Stuart-Clark moving on from St . Swithins to venture into the wide world . A paring down of the cast was inevitable - out went ' Duncan Waring ' ( Robin Nedwell joined the cast of the Jack Rosenthal sitcom ' The Lovers ' ) , ' Danny Hooley ' ( although he would reappear in the final episode of ' In Charge ' ) and ' Dave Briddock ' , in came ' Lawrence Marwood Bingham ' , a conceited creep of the first order , excellently played by Richard O'Sullivan . His character was not only popular with the public , but some of the writers as well , in particular Garden and Oddie . The new series went from St . Swithins to Dr . Maxwell's inner-city surgery , Dr . Whiteland's Harley Street practice , Paul's uncle's ( Dr . Griffin ) country surgery , before returning to the hospital . An industrial dispute resulted in a number of I . T . V . programmes being recorded in black and white , and the first six episodes of ' Large ' were amongst them . Not that viewers were too bothered , many still hadn't upgraded to colour . What is astonishing about ' Large ' is its length - British sitcoms traditionally last six episodes per season , but this was on air for an incredible eight months , totalling twenty-nine episodes . What is equally astonishing is how good many of them are ; ' No Ill Feeling ! ' and ' Its The Rich Wot Gets The Pleasure ' being two outstanding examples . John Cleese ( apparently in need of money following a failed business venture ) and Graham Chapman ( working with Bernard McKenna ) provided some fine scripts . The punishing schedule , alas , took its toll on Barry Evans , and after the show ended , he announced he would not be returning . CODA : In the ' Comedy Classics ' documentary broadcast on I . T . V . - 1 on / 08 , George Layton revealed that Barry Evans was in fact sacked from the show due to his ' erratic behaviour ' . |
401,017 | 7,743,887 | 591,049 | 10 | Mama ! | 1939 . Bill Oddie is born and , much to the consternation of his parents , has the body of a fully grown man , replete with beard . Sent to a special public school for precocious tots , he along with Graeme Garden and Tim Brooke-Taylor offer to do their bit for the war effort . After defusing a bomb dropped on the school , the trio parachute behind enemy lines to buy cigars for Winston Churchill . Their mission is successful , but on meeting Winnie they've a shock in store - he is a dead ringer for Adolf Hitler ! The final ' Goodies ' episode on the B . B . C . - although not the last recorded , that honour went to ' Animals ' - is a splendid swan-song , full of good visual gags and mischief . The next time they would be on television turned out to be the ill-fated L . W . T . series . Like ' Rome Antics ' five years earlier , it ignores the established format and presents our heroes in an entirely unrelated ( almost Goon Show-like ) adventure set in World War Two , in which a clockwork Tim impersonates Churchill so as to win a football match between Britain and Germany . ' The Six Million Dollar Man ' theme is heard as Tim goes into slow motion mode . The late Andrew Ray , who plays ' Churchill ' , was the youngest son of the much-loved comedian Ted Ray . The headmaster is played by Geoffrey Palmer of ' Reginald Perrin ' and ' Butterflies ' fame . Interesting to see the Goodies turning Churchill into a figure of fun , especially in the scene where British soldiers blow raspberries during one of his speeches . Recently , the film ' Churchill - The Hollywood Years ' tried the same trick , but with less successful results . Funniest moment - Tim as ' Churchill ' running bionic fashion through a minefield with a chamber pot on his head ! |
401,013 | 7,743,887 | 591,048 | 10 | We'll Keep A Welcome In The Hillside ! | The Goodies go to Wales to perform at the Eisteddfod on Llan-dlubber Island . They find it a dreary , boring place ( the roadsigns read ' No Drinking ' , ' No Smoking ' and ' No Girls ' ) , peopled by women in national costume with smoke coming out of their hats and God-fearing types , such as ' The Reverend Llewellyn Llewellyn Llewellyn Llewellyn ' ( Jon Pertwee ) . Tim , Bill and Graeme try to liven up the event by introducing elements of heavy rock , magic and striptease , but the locals are furious . They enjoy being bored , which is why the Eisteddfod is so popular . The Goodies are sentenced to decapitation at the hands of the Druids . In desperation , they pretend to have Welsh heritage . The Reverend is persuaded , and the Goodies are allowed to participate in an ecclesiastical rugby match involving various religious groups , for which the coveted prize is a golden rugby ball . . . When Anne Robinson ranted about the Welsh on ' Room 101 ' a few years back , it caused a national scandal . Yet this show , an even bigger insult to my country , went out thirty-two years ago without causing a ripple of protest . How times have changed . Possibly the reason no-one was offended was because the parody was too over-the-top to be taken seriously . To give an example , during the Eisteddfod , a woman sells leeks to the audience , in addition to ices and soft drinks . It would not be the first time ' The Goodies ' had made fun of a different part of the U . K . - Season Two's ' Loch Ness Monster ' similarly poked fun at the Scots . Here the Welsh are depicted as so backward they decline to use lavatories on religious grounds . Jon Pertwee stepped into the role of ' Llewellyn ' after Windsor Davies had to back out due to other commitments , and as you'd expect from a man of his not inconsiderable comic talents , he is superb , totally unrecognisable as the man who'd been ' Dr . Who ' only the year before . The late Alun Williams , a familiar face on B . B . C . Wales in the ' 70's , plays a rugby commentator . Funniest moment - the rugby match in which both Long Longford and Mrs . Mary Whitehouse are players . After scoring a try , Mary gets a mouthful of abuse from a Druid . He is clearly seen mouthing the words : " You XXXXing old bitch ! " . |
401,145 | 7,743,887 | 57,798 | 10 | F . S . - 1 To Seaview ! | Created by Irwin Allen , ' Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea ' was a long-running science fiction series based on the hit Twentieth Century Fox movie of the same name . Basically , it told of the colourful exploits of the Seaview , the world's most technologically advanced submarine , commanded by Captain Lee Crane and created by Admiral Harriman Nelson ( Rtd . ) of ' The Nelson Institute Of Marine Research ' . Each week , the sub would save the world either from saboteurs , aliens or monsters . David Hedison and the late Richard Basehart brought more to the characters than was ever there on paper . Four seasons were produced - of which the first was the best - and the show was a favourite of mine when I was a boy . Rather than regurgitate the show's well-documented history , however , I want to use this review to recount a personal memory . In the early ' 90's , Britain's Channel 4 announced that it had purchased the entire run , and planned to screen it on Sunday afternoons in the slot vacated by ' Lost In Space ' . I was beside myself with excitement . The last reruns of ' Voyage ' ( as it shall henceforth be referred to ) were back in the early ' 80's , and took the form of sporadic showings of Season 2 and 3 stories such as ' The Mechanical Man ' and ' The Lost Bomb ' ( I'm referring to the H . T . V . screenings . Other regions may have had different ones ) . Particularly exciting was the news that the run included the first season , which I had never before seen . Being black and white effectively precluded it from a reshowing in the colour crazy ' 70's . So in 1990 , the Seaview set sail again . But there was a problem . In my neck of the woods , we had S4C - the Welsh fourth channel - and they commenced the run several weeks behind Channel 4 . Which meant that when English viewers got onto the colour episodes , we were still watching the monochrome ones . Nothing wrong with that , you may think . I was grateful to be seeing ' Voyage ' at all . But then something dreadful happened . The Gulf War , to be precise . Someone at Channel 4 realised that the episode ' The Magnus Beam ' was too close to what was happening in the real world - set in the Middle East , it concerned a madman who wanted to start World War Three by capturing U . S . spy planes , and decided it was not suitable for screening at that time . It was shelved - along with ' The Blizzard Makers ' , whose only crime it seems was to mention The Gulf Stream several times . The run carried on without them . After the war ended , Channel 4 showed the episodes . All seemed well . Then S4C made a staggering blunder . Following ' The Magnus Beam ' , they were to have followed C4's lead by screening ' The Blizzard Makers ' before recommencing the normal order . But they didn't . Instead they put on ' Leviathan ' , the seventh episode of Season 2 ! I was horrified . The station had managed to omit a dozen episodes ( six from the first year , six from the second ) . Any hope I had of building a complete library of ' Voyage ' episodes went straight out the window . Amongst the ' lost ' stories were classics like ' Jonah & The Whale ' and ' And Five Of Us Are Left ' . It would be like a comprehensive ' Star Trek ' season forgetting to include ' The City On The Edge Of Forever ' and ' Amok Time ' . Enraged , I fired off a letter to S4C , hoping to obtain an explanation for this act of crass stupidity . I eventually got a reply . The unsigned letter claimed that the decision to skip twelve episodes was Channel 4's , insisting that the S4C transmissions should harmonise with theirs . I didn't buy it . For one thing , they were still a week behind , and secondly , why would an English television station care what was being shown in Wales ? ' The Waltons ' was also being rerun at the same time , and S4C's reverential treatment of ' John-Boy ' and company contrasted sharply with its unmistakable contempt for ' Voyage ' . The letter writer concluded by inviting me to take the matter up with Channel 4 . In other words , they were passing the buck . They had messed up , and were refusing to even say sorry . I tossed the letter in the bin . S4C weren't finished with ' Voyage ' either . A screening of the Season 3 episode ' The Death Watch ' was plagued by so many technical problems it rendered the plot incomprehensible . A year later , ' Cave Of The Dead ' was displaced by coverage of the Urdd Eisteddfod , never to be rescheduled . None of this would have mattered had the series been available on V . H . S . at the time . It wasn't . I had to wait fourteen years to see the missing twelve , when ' Voyage ' was rerun on the Sky satellite channel ' F . X . 289 ' ' . And then they only ran the first two seasons . If you think the S4C debacle still rankles with me after all these years , you'd be right . My ' Voyage ' collection is still missing two episodes at the time of writing . Despite its popularity , Channel 4 have not shown the slightest interest in bringing it back . Admiral Nelson and Captain Crane faced many untold dangers over the years , but one peril even they could not overcome was the general incompetence of television programme planners . |
401,377 | 7,743,887 | 591,044 | 10 | You're a looney ! . " Thank you ! " | The Goodies are watching a live concert in Hyde Park when sinister Mafia-types make off with the orchestra . Everywhere , musicians are mysteriously vanishing . The Goodies give a free show on Hackney Marshes . No-one turns up to hear them play , but someone makes off with their lorry - with them inside . Our heroes are taken to the country home of one M . J . Coggleton , also known as ' The Music Master ' . The villain has stolen the world's musicians so that people will have to pay him if they want to hear them again . He wants the Goodies to make a record - if they refuse , they will be forced to face the ultimate punishment - namely , be locked in a cell with Rolf Harris . . . One of my all-time favourite ' Goodies ' episodes . With his slicked-back hair , Dracula-style cloak and mobile , rocket-firing Hammond organ , The Music Master is the nearest the show got to one of those eccentric super-villains so typical of the ' Batman ' television series . The late Henry McGee is best remembered for his work on ' The Benny Hill Show ' . Its a pity this episode wasn't shown as a tribute to him earlier this year . Full of great gags , including a couple at the expense of Cilla Black's singing . She couldn't have been offended , because she contributed to the final scene . Funniest moment - the final battle between the Goodies and the Music Master , where a euphonium is used as a cannon ! |
400,659 | 7,743,887 | 591,042 | 10 | There's Nobody Driving Those Things ! | Frustrated at the lack of progress on the redecoration of their office , The Goodies search for new premises . Disguised as poor people ( Bill is made up to look like a baby ) , they visit an estate agent , whose house prices rise with each passing second . After being conned out of their life savings , they decide to build a disused railway station . . . Cracking episode which launched ' The Goodies ' third series . Joe Melia , who plays a double role as the builder and the estate agent , will forever be remembered as ' Mr . Prosser ' from the television version of ' The Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy . His sexy secretary , Miss Lushboosie , is played by Julie Desmond - ' the girl with the biggest tits ' in the famous Monty Python ' Summarise Proust ' sketch . Two fantastic film sequences - the Goodies building their new offices ( Bill uses a pneumatic drill as a pogo stick at one point ) and the stunning finale in which our heroes are menaced by sentient bulldozers - make this a real treat for comedy fans . |
400,855 | 7,743,887 | 562,922 | 10 | Back In The Real World . . . | ' The Enemy Of The World ' is usually regarded as ' Dr . Who's ' sole excursion into the world of James Bond , but I think ' The Invasion ' can lay a greater claim to that title . It has a missing Professor , a kooky blonde , a paramilitary organisation set up to combat threats to the world , a super villain bent on world conquest , brainwashing , secret underground lairs , gadgetry , nick-of-time escapes , helicopters , and most importantly , a climactic battle between opposing forces . Kevin Stoney plays ' Vaughn ' with as much icy demeanour as Joseph Wiseman in ' Dr . No ' . Complaints that the first episode reveals little of the villain's master plan are bizarre - this is only the first part of an eight-part story ! Part One picks up where ' The Mind Robber ' ended . No sooner has the TARDIS reformed than it is fired on by an unknown spaceship somewhere on the dark side of the Moon . The action then moves to late 20th century Earth ( said to be 1975 by ' The Radio Times ' but never confirmed on screen ) . The Tardis has materialised on land belonging to International Electromatics , owned by Tobias Vaughn . As the Tardis is now invisible , the Doctor and his companions set off for London to find their old friend Professor Travers . A lorry driver gives them a lift . Moments after dropping them off , security guards shoot him dead . It will be interesting to see if Cosgrove Hall's animated reconstruction does full justice to this fine episode . UPDATE : I was lucky enough to see ' The Invasion ' in 1968 , and can say with some authority that the animations are superb . Cosgrove Hall have gone to a good deal of trouble to evoke the spirit of the original . The only mistake they made was getting Zoe's costume wrong in Part One . A minor quibble . At least here we actually got to see the enemy spaceship ! |
401,185 | 7,743,887 | 71,003 | 10 | How Kolchak Inspired Carter | When originally screened in America in 1972 , ' The Night Stalker ' became the highest rated made-for-T . V . movie in history . Based on Jeff Rice's unpublished novel , it told how a fearless investigative reporter named Carl Kolchak ( the late Darren McGavin ) discovered the existence of a vampire in modern-day Las Vegas . When it arrived on British television four years later , it did not quite have the same impact , but my friends were talking about it at school on Monday morning , as indeed was I . We all agreed that it was one of the most exciting things we had seen . I did not know of the existence of ' The Night Strangler ' until it turned up nearly a decade later . I . T . V . , who screened the ' Kolchak ' movies , had apparently decided to pass on the spin-off series ; they felt ' Barnaby Jones ' starring Buddy Ebsen to be more of a draw , and anyway , viewers might confuse ' Kolchak ' with ' Kojak ' ! For years my only source of information concerning the show was an article in Fangoria magazine . I could not even purchase the Jeff Rice novels . Then something wonderful happened . In 1990 , B . B . C . - 2 put out the show as part of a late-night Friday series devoted to the supernatural called ' Mystery Train ' , hosted by Richard O'Brian . ' Kolchak ' found himself rubbing shoulders with the likes of ' The Brain Eaters ' and ' Earth Vs . The Spider ' . The opening titles were trimmed , removing Kolchak's whistling , and the closing credits . . . well , there were none . The first episode screened was ' Werewolf ' . I cannot say I was overly impressed , but stuck with it , and am I glad that I did ! I really wish I'd seen it in 1974 . My twelve year old self would have adored it . Creepy , humorous , exciting , no wonder it fired Chris Carter's imagination . The show's biggest asset was , of course , McGavin . Unlike the recent Kolchak , the original was an everyman figure , eccentrically dressed , rather conservative . He was to the supernatural what ' Columbo ' was to crime . The late Simon Oakland was great too as Kolchak's bad-tempered boss Tony Vincenzo . The scripts overflowed with wonderful , dry wit . I found myself enjoying the programme more for the humour content than the horror . When the twenty episodes ended , I felt bereft . ' The X-Files ' came along a few years later and filled the void - but only to an extent . I wanted Kolchak and Vincenzo back . I am glad that the show was never revived though . Without Oakland it would not have been the same . I have the Rice books now and have read them several times . I was very surprised when Stephen King slated the first ( in his book ' Danse Macabre ' ) as it is as good as anything he has written . Alright , so some of the monsters were hardly state-of-the-art , but so what ? The new ' Kolchak ' totally missed the point of the original . What you don't see is sometimes more frightening than what you do . . . Best Episode - ' Horror In The Heights ' Worst Episode - ' The Sentry ' |
400,871 | 7,743,887 | 759,864 | 10 | Steptoe Totters Into The ' 70's | After an absence of five years , ' Steptoe & Son ' returned to B . B . C . - 1 , and at an interesting time for British television . Colour had arrived , and I . T . V . were topping the ratings with ' Please Sir ! ' , the ' Doctor ' series , and ' On The Buses ' , meaning the B . B . C . needed to compete . Shows made pre-1969 could not be re-run ( two exceptions were the period drama ' The Forsyte Saga ' and the children's programme ' Andy Pandy ' ) . The obvious solution was to either remake old shows ( as was done with ' Sykes ' ) or to construct sequels to earlier hits ( such as ' Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads ' ) . Just think of it - had Harry H . Corbett and Wilfrid Brambell refused to reprise their roles , ' Steptoe & Son ' would now be a forgotten show . ' A Death In The Family ' was the first of the new run , and a sad little episode it is too . Hercules , the Steptoe's horse , drops dead while Harold is on his rounds . When a tearful Harold tells his father , he is accused of causing the animal's death . The horse was not just an important part of the business , more like a family member . The old man takes to his bed , refusing to get up . Harold buys a new horse - which he calls Samson - but Albert does not want to know . Then Samson falls ill . Of course Harold never bothered to check the animal's sex before buying . . . Hercules ' death and Samson's arrival can be seen as a metaphor for the end of the old show and the commencement of the new one . Some people found it a bit hard to take , however ; on ' Points Of View ' complaints were read out from those who found the sight of Harold and Albert grieving for a dead animal upsetting rather than funny . Nevertheless , as the weeks rolled by , it became clear that the new ' Steptoe ' was every bit as good - if not better - than the old . Funniest moment - Harold , determined to erase the memory of Hercules ' death , switches on the television . A Western is on , followed by a commercial for dog food ( think about it ! ) This episode , along with several other early ' 70's ' Steptoes ' , exists only in monochrome . Luckily , comedy of this calibre looks good no matter what medium it is in . |
401,423 | 7,743,887 | 224,847 | 10 | The Not-So Good , The Very Bad & The Extremely Ugly | The coming of C . G . I . effectively revolutionised television and cinema , relegating generations of sci-fi and horror movies to museum piece status , curios to be laughed at rather than be frightened or excited by . It may surprise some to learn that the ' hah-hah , that was so low budget ! ' attitude existed long before C . G . I . Brothers Harry and Michael Medved had enjoyed success with their books ' The Fifty Worst Movies Of All Time ' and ' The Golden Turkey Awards ' and , as a result , became familiar faces on the talk-show circuit . Harry was Tony Bilbow's guest on ' Pebble Mill At One ' , while Michael went on ' Parkinson ' . " Are we still making bad movies ? " , the host naively asked , to which his guest responded : " Its a thriving industry ! " and cited ' Raise The Titanic ! ' and the Olivia Newton-John musical ' Xanadu ' as shining examples . It seemed inevitable that someone would make a programme on the subject , and London Weekend Television did . Rather than get the Medveds to present it though , they roped in Australian critic / author Clive James . He seemed a fair choice , having fronted Granada's ' Cinema ' a few years before . ' At The Movies ' boasted clips from some of the most mind-bogglingly awful motion pictures ever ; ' From Hell It Came ' , a hybrid of sci-fi and voodoo themes which resulted in a walking tree stump , ' Godzilla Vs . The Smog Monster ' , ' The Creeping Terror ' ( a giant carpet ) , ' Robot Monster ' ( a gorilla in a diving helmet ) , ' Teenagers From Outer Space ' , and ' Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls ' . No attempt was made to mine the movies for cheap jokes , as would later be the case with ' M . S . T . 3 . K . ' . His commentary was informative rather than condescending . He prefaced excerpts from ' Glen Or Glenda ' and ' Plan Nine From Outer Space ' with a mini-biography of their director Edward D . Wood . At the end of the show , he even defended the movies by stating that they were products of another age . " It was all a long time ago ! " was his final comment . The programme went out on I . T . V . but was repeated by Channel 4 as an appetite-wetter for its seminal ' Worst Of Hollywood ' series . Instead of Clive , its makers hired Michael Medved . Clive switched his attentions to awful foreign television . ' At The Movies ' can itself now be regarded as the product of another age . Its clips were well chosen , the commentary sharp and witty , and delivered by a presenter who knew what he was talking about . " It was all a long time ago ! " . |
401,634 | 7,743,887 | 591,005 | 10 | Its The ' 50's Revival ! | This is one of my favourite ' Goodies ' episodes , mainly because it mocks three popular television shows of the ' 70's - the talent ( free ) contest ' New Faces ' , ' Stars On Sunday ' ( yuck ! ) and the pop show ' Supersonic ' in which producer Mike Mansfield briefly became a youth cult figure ( his catchphrase was " Cue ! " ) . Forget the plot , there isn't one . Like ' Goodies Rule O . K . ' it slides from one silly situation to another . It begins with Bill struggling to compose a hit record to follow ' Funky Gibbon ' , much to Graeme's amusement , and ends with an all-out war between Tim's Mike Mansfield ( " Cue Hitler ! Cue The Luftwaffe ! ) and Bill's Ken Russell . In between there's a funny send-up of the ' 70's fad for 50's nostalgia . Kitten Kong and Dougal make welcome cameos , and a treat for older viewers with guest appearances from ' 50's B . B . C . presenters Macdonald Hobley and Mary Malcolm . Funniest moment - the Goodies dressed as teddy boys , performing a rock and roll number . At one point , Graeme attempts to play a piano using a hammer and chisel ! Despite this being the sixth series , ' The Goodies ' showed no sign of running out of steam . |
401,399 | 7,743,887 | 591,006 | 10 | Big Bunny Is Watching You ! | Graeme is asked by the British Government to organise an expedition to the Moon . He sends Tim and Bill . After waltzing about on the lunar surface to the strains of Strauss , they find carrots and lettuces in abundance , sustenance for an army of super-intelligent rabbits led by ' Big Bunny ' - originally known as ' Flopsy ' - sent there by Graeme during a test run . A brainwashed Tim and Bill return to Earth , where they embark on a spree of ultra-violence . Its up to Graeme to stop Big Bunny's army of rabbits from taking over the world , but who will believe him ? The Apollo space missions having ended the year before , the time was right for the Goodies to spoof sci-fi . ' Creatures ' makes fun of ' The Quatermass Experiment ' , ' 2001 : A Space Odyssey ' , ' 1984 ' , ' A Clockwork Orange ' ( here renamed ' The Transistorised Rabbit ' ) , ' Star Trek ' and , of course ' Dr . Who ' . ' Monty Python's Flying Circus ' is referenced in one scene , eliciting a cheer from the audience . The space-suits and consoles hailed from Gerry Anderson's ' U . F . O . ' . Roland McLeod appears as the B . B . C . ' s science correspondent , the legendary James Burke . No-one is safe from Big Bunny's power , even Prime Minister Ted Heath is seen getting into a limousine sporting a fluffy tail . Pretty daft even by ' Goodies ' standards - but I love it ! If the spectacle of rabbits wailing the theme from ' Star Trek ' doesn't amuse you , nothing will . Garden and Oddie would return to sci-fi seven years later with ' U-Friend Or U . F . O . ' , as well as creating the forgotten A . T . V . sitcom ' Astronauts ' . Funniest moment - Tim and Bill racing around Cricklewood on a motorbike in rabbit costumes , and attacking pedestrians with giant carrots ! |
400,727 | 7,743,887 | 57,729 | 10 | They're Altogether Ooky ! | I had heard of but never seen ' The Addams Family ' until 1974 when I . T . V . screened repeats on Sunday mornings . I took to it straight away , as did most of my generation . People who think ' The League Of Gentlemen ' are doing anything new should be made to watch this ; it was unusually dark by the standards of U . S . television . Amusing though the Addams family undeniably are , they nevertheless possess a vaguely threatening quality . John Astin headed up the cast as ' Gomez Addams ' , whose idea of fun is watching toy trains crash . The late Carolyn Jones was sublime as ' Morticia ' , while former child star Jackie Coogan lit up the screen when he put light bulbs in his mouth as ' Uncle Fester ' . Ted Cassidy made a huge impact as ' Lurch ' , despite having very little to say . ' The Addams Family ' debuted on U . S . television at the same time as ' The Munsters ' , but this is my favourite . Once you've heard that insufferably catchy Vic Mizzy theme , you just can't get it out of your head ! |
400,856 | 7,743,887 | 562,854 | 10 | Trouble At The Drillhead | One of the few disadvantages the new ' Doctor Who ' has is its inability to gradually develop a feeling of menace . With only forty-five minutes to tell the story , it would be an expensive luxury . The setting and characters have to be established quickly , so we can get onto the monsters . The original ' Dr . Who ' had no such constraints , of course , and nowhere is this better illustrated than in the opening instalment of ' Inferno ' . It opens at a top secret complex somewhere in England , where a Government-funded plot is underway to seek a new source of energy by breaking through the Earth's crust . Sir Keith Gold is showing Greg Sutton around the control centre , while elsewhere a rigger named Slocum touches a green slime oozing from one of the outlet pipes . When we next see him he has transmogrified into a vicious , green-skinned monster . The pacing is slower than today's drama , the exposition more detailed , yet this is a good opener to what turned out to be one of the all-time great ' Dr . Who ' stories . |
400,732 | 7,743,887 | 747,126 | 10 | You'll never stick it out ! | Bob takes Terry to a trendy hairdresser's , where his friend is shocked to see men working alongside women . He jumps to the wrong conclusion about their sexuality . As they prepare to have their hair washed and restyled , an old friend ( enemy ? ) called Brian Flint strides in , and , removing his cap , reveals himself to be nearly bald . Bob and Terry are looking forward to a soccer match between England and Romania , due to be played that afternoon , but televised late in the evening . Flint tries to spoil it by blabbing the result . They flee to the nearest pub , but he follows . Actually , Flint knows nothing , because the match has only just started . He bets them a fiver each they cannot go through the day without hearing the outcome . They accept the challenge . . . A strong candidate for the title of ' Best Ever Episode of W . H . T . T . L . L . ' , this was trotted out by the B . B . C . regularly for many years afterwards as a prelude to big football matches . You would think that it would be easy to avoid one man in a place like Newcastle , but Flint is cleverer than he appears , and like a bloodhound tracks them wherever they go , firstly to Audrey's home ( which he phones ) , then a church , and finally to Bob's new house . We never quite find out who ' Brian Flint ' is ; is he an old work colleague , drinking buddy , or what ? He comes across as a big-headed and unpleasant person who delights in making others uncomfortable . The role is superbly played by the late , much-missed Brian Glover , who went on to play the dimwitted ' Heslop ' in Clement and La Frenais's other classic sitcom ' Porridge ' . ' Flint ' was never seen again after this , which is a shame . Bob and Terry's fear at discovering the result of the match is palpable , emphasising the importance of football in their lives . No Thelma I'm afraid , but Audrey is very good here , especially when she fantasises about her West Indian lover - a limbo dancer . " He's upstairs , lowering his pole ! " , she says , in a sexy manner that would have done credit to Mae West . The scene in the hairdressers makes me cringe whenever I see it now . Flared trousers ! Long sideburns ! Garish shirts ! Oh no ! One of the stylists is Drina Pavlovic , who two years earlier had been in the fourth series of ' Please Sir ! ' as the sexy Celia . Funniest moment - the look on the face of the one-legged news vendor as he sees a car with no driver speed past ! Later remade ( rather badly ) by I . T . V . , starring Ant & Dec . |
400,977 | 7,743,887 | 591,038 | 10 | Kids ' programme ! | As far as I - and millions of other British kids - were concerned , ' The Goodies ' could do no wrong in 1973 . We lapped up each new series ( including repeats ) , laughed at the comic strip in ' Cor ! ' , and us lucky ones got the 1974 Annual in our Christmas stocking . Such was the level of interest in ' The Goodies & The Beanstalk ' that people were raving about it before it had even been shown . How , I hear you ask ? Simple . B . B . C . - 2's trailer was composed of a generous chunk of the climactic bird attack . After seeing the lads dive bombed by golden-egg laden geese to the sound of the ' Dambusters March ' , there was no way any of us were going to miss the actual show . It was their first attempt at a Christmas Special , though the previous year they had put out ' The Goodies ' Five-Minute Travelling Christmas ' as part of ' Christmas Night With The Stars ' . Here they got to do a whole show based on the old fairytale ' Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs ' ( according to the opening credits ) . Tim , Bill and Graeme have fallen on hard times . After failing as buskers , they decide to sell their only possession - Buttercup the three-wheeled bicycle . Bill is lucky to get a tin of beans for it . Graeme plants one , and lo and behold , a beanstalk shoots into the sky . Pursuing it across the channel to France , they become contestants on ' Jeux San Frontieres ' - the European version of ' Its A Knockout ' - , hosted by the late , much-missed Eddie Waring ( often the target of Graeme's impersonations , he was a good sport for doing this . Note the huge cheer he gets when he appears ! ) Surviving various obstacles , such as having coconuts thrown at them by Man Friday and swinging on a rope over a tank of piranha fish , they climb the beanstalk . Somewhere in the clouds there lives a giant , and when I tell you he is played by diminutive Alfie Bass I need say no more . Its impossible to list one outstanding funny moment from this - there are so many . The dancing copper , Graeme switching on a plant to read a book at night , the beanstalk crashing into the B . B . C . Centre where Corbet Woodall ( great guy ! ) is reading the news , the spoof ad offering puppies as prizes in a competition , Tim eavesdropping on female nudists ( hope Mrs . Whitehouse never saw this bit ) , the lads ' singing in a canyon and creating wonderful echoes , Bill trying to encourage hens to lay golden eggs and instead getting a brick , Alfie Bass bellowing ' fee-fi-fo-fum ' through a loudhailer , the ' Who Wants To Be A Millionaire ? ' song number with the lads dressed as the Marx Bros . , and of course , the aforementioned finale which also features Alfred Hitchcock and a giant hobnailed boot . All capped by a fabulous cameo from John Cleese as a genie ! Bass had earlier appeared in the ' Camelot ' episode that opened Season 4 , though as a different character . This is I think the best of his performances . He is a little man pretending to be a giant , and gets some cracking lines : " Have you ever tried cleaning a ten-foot high toilet bowl ? Come to think of it , have you ever tried using one ? " . I cannot remember what else was on telly on Christmas Eve 1973 , but I doubt whether it was outstanding as this . It was the work of three top-flight comedians at their peak . It went down so well it was repeated several times in the course of the decade , and was the first ' Goodies ' episode to come out on video . Channel 5 showed it as part of a Boxing Day ' 70's comedy theme night ( now why don't they do that anymore ? ) in 2004 . I do not know what first-timers made of it , but I thought it stood up well . Times may change , but fairy tales thankfully do not . The Goodies had a couple of Season 4 episodes left to see us into the New Year , but were largely absent from our screens in 1974 . When they returned a year later , however , it would be with a bang . |
400,730 | 7,743,887 | 747,121 | 10 | A caterpillar fell out of his underpants ! Terry has become withdrawn , sullen and morose . Lounging about his mother's house all day , he does nothing but smoke , do jigsaws , and watch daytime television ( yes , it existed then ) . Mrs . Collier likens him to ' Andy Capp ' , while Audrey is reminded of Old Man Steptoe . Bob tries to coax him out of his shell by inviting him to a private dinner party with Thelma , and her social-climbing friends Brenda and Alan Boyle . Terry remembers Brenda from school , and unknowingly embarrasses her at every turn by reminding her of her working class background . Finally , Brenda snaps , and orders them all to leave . Surprisingly , Thelma sides with Terry for once . . . Another marvellous episode of ' W . H . T . T . L . L . ' . Unlike the ' Shelley ' episode ' Nowt So Queer ' ( which also focused on a dinner party going wrong ) , we actually get to see it , and it gives Clement and La Frenais a wonderful excuse to feature Terry at his worst . Though a snob and a social climber ( not unlike Thelma ) you feel sorry for Brenda as as one embarrassing detail about her past after another is dredged up over dinner . The reference to ' the boiler room incident ' comes as a shock to the viewer . It infers that both Bob and Terry may have sexually molested ( or at least attempted to ) Brenda in the quietest part of the school building . If Brenda's claims are not exaggerated , it casts our heroes in a somewhat darker light than usual . ' Brenda ' is played by the lovely Jacquie-Ann Carr , later to play Robin Nedwell's girlfriend ' Dr . Kate Wright ' in ' Doctor On The Go ' , while the bespectacled ' Alan ' ( looking as he does like Graeme Garden's stand-in ) is Julian Holloway , son of Stanley and a ' Carry On ' veteran . As you would expect , the performances are terrific ( particularly Bolam's ) and the dialogue immaculate . Interesting to hear Terry likened to ' Andy Capp ' . In 1987 , James Bolam portrayed the work shy layabout in a short-lived I . T . V . series . Funniest moment - Terry's recollections about Bob's liaison with Deirdre Birchwood in the greenhouse , leading to the quote above . Thelma's look of indignation is impossible to describe .
401335 7743887 55928 10.0 007 . . . leave the Beretta here ! " | Its hard to imagine the impact that ' Dr . No ' had on audiences back in 1962 , particularly those not used to seeing a British film made with the same level of technical competence as American movies . Harry Saltzman and Cubby Broccoli took a gamble by casting an unknown - Sean Connery - as the lead character James Bond . They took a further gamble by making Bond a tough cookie far removed from the elegant Clubland heroes so beloved of British fiction such as ' Bulldog Drummond ' and ' Simon Templar ' . The other ingredient for success was Ian Fleming , a damned good storyteller , and ' Dr . No ' was one of his very best books . Britain had tired of ' kitchen sink ' movies and wanted something colourful , racier and exciting . Bond fitted the bill perfectly . I saw ' Dr . No ' in 1975 , when it came on I . T . V . for the first time . Nowadays people grumble whenever Bond is on telly , but back then it was something of an event . The film itself begins in the style of the ' Danger Man ' television series , with Connery in the McGoohan role , but effortlessly turns from a spy thriller into something approaching science fiction . Nothing like it had been seen before . Considering it was made on a low budget , it is a great achievement for Ken Adam and Terence Young . And the best was yet to come . As ' Casino Royale ' has recently been remade , perhaps ' Dr . No ' should be in line for the same treatment ? |
401,210 | 7,743,887 | 591,026 | 10 | Who Were Those Masked Scouts ? | Bill and Graeme notice their friend Tim behaving in an odd fashion . Each night , he goes out , wearing a grubby mac , a bin liner on his head , and creeps about the deserted streets like someone with a guilty secret . They follow him to a hut , where Tim is Scoutmaster of a troupe of ancient Scouts . Bill and Graeme find this hilarious . But it does not stop them from joining . They use their Scout credentials to commit crimes , such as stealing wigs , and demanding protection money . Tim throws them out of his troupe , so they set up on their own . Such is the scale of their crime wave that the Government officially declares the Boy Scout Movement an illegal organisation . A petrified Tim is forced to testify before the sinister Scoutfinder General . . . " The Goodies have had it . They are no longer funny . They are making fun of organisations unable to answer back ! " , raged an angry ' Sun ' reader , hot on the heels of this episode's transmission . Actually , ' The Goodies ' was not the first comedy show to ridicule the Scouts . Spike Milligan did it in ' Q6 ' , and ' The Two Ronnies ' did a splendid take-off of ' The Gang Show ' in 1972 . History does not record a sharp decline in Boy Scout membership as a result of this programme , which proves if nothing else that some people just do not have a sense of humour . I was a Scout once and I found this episode hilarious ! Guest star Frank Windsor , of ' Z Cars ' and ' Softly , Softly ' fame , turns in a creepy performance as the Joe McCarthy-like ' Scoutfinder General ' . On being released from custody , Tim joins the Salvation Army , which expands to include a Navy and Air Force ( ! ) . In a stunning climax , the Masked Scouts ( Bill and Graeme ) are attacked by all three . Graeme's ace up his sleeve is a homemade atom bomb . As soon as the pin is pulled , however , it deflates like a punctured balloon . Funniest moment - The Scoutfinder General trapping Tim into admitting Scout membership by drumming a beat with his fingers , which turns into a chorus of ' We're Riding Along On The Crest Of A Wave ' ! |
400,839 | 7,743,887 | 591,027 | 10 | This is a man . . . and this isn't ! | Mrs . Desiree Carthorse , the puritanical head of the ' Clean Up T . V . Campaign ' , hires The Goodies to make a sex education film entitled ' How To Make Babies By Doing Dirty Things ' . But she takes offence to the word ' gender ' in the opening credits , and suddenly our heroes are in trouble , with the public and media ranged against them . To clear their names , they go on television disguised as outspoken M . P . Sir Reginald Wheelbarrow , but the interviewer is not fooled . Bill becomes a B . B . C . producer and soon the airwaves are full of violent and sexually explicit programmes . Filming the death scene for the sexy pantomime ' Sinderella ' , Bill flips completely and wipes out the cast with a machine gun built into one of the cameras . . . Bill Oddie has often spoken of the umbrage he and his fellow Goodies took when , not long after transmission of the first episode , they received a fan letter from , of all people , Mrs . Mary Whitehouse . The Bespectacled Blue-rinsed One called their show ' clean family fun ' . Luckily she missed ' Caught In The Act ' ( featuring naked female backsides ) , ' Love The Police ' ( featuring Bill's naked backside ) , ' The Greenies ' ( featuring a stripper at work ) and even ' Tower Of London ' offers a quick shot of a topless woman . Determined to get into her bad books , the Goodies went all out to ridicule her and everything she stood for . Its easy to forget now just how despised she was . Here she is parodied by the brilliant Beryl Reid . Instead of saying ' sex ' , she says the first two letters , and uses her finger to make a cross in the air . Without even watching their film , she calls for it to be banned . Having eradicated television , she fears bored couples will have sex instead , and the episode ends with her standing in the street shouting ' Stop it ! ' . ' Sir Reginald Wheelbarrow ' is a take-off of the late Sir Gerald Nabarro , the ' Boris Johnson ' of his day , a rent-a-quote Tory M . P . famed for his handlebar moustache and outspoken views . Richard Wattis , sporting a dreadful wig , plays the television interviewer . In a bizarre ( even by Goodies ' standards ) climax , leather-clad , whip-wielding dominatrixes die Peckinpah-style , Oddie laughs maniacally , and the B . B . C . T . V . Centre goes up in an impressive display of pyrotechnics . Note the cheer from the audience ! Funniest moment - the Goodies ' sex education film . Its so coy as to beggar belief , and about as educational as showbiz gossip . No nudity is visible because both man and woman are covered from head to foot in sheets ! I wonder if Harry Enfield got the idea for his ' Mr . Cholmondely Warner / Mr . Grayson ' public information film spoofs from this ? |
401,090 | 7,743,887 | 81,912 | 10 | Send Rodney For The Fish ! | ' Only Fools & Horses ' has experienced a slight fall from grace in recent years , with its reputation questioned by , amongst others , comedian Arthur Smith , who made unfavourable comparisons with ' The Office ' . Repeats have possibly resulted in overfamiliarity breeding contempt , as well as confusion ( the episodes being screened wildly out of sequence ) . Its certainly true that the post-1996 Christmas shows weren't up to standard , but all this is to ignore the series at its best . The fact it that ' Only Fools & Horses ' is a prime contender for the title of best British sitcom of all time . Brilliantly written and acted throughout . In 1981 , when it started , ' Only Fools ' was just another comedy . Each episode was thirty minutes long , the only regulars were Derek ' Del Boy ' Trotter , his brother Rodney , and their Grandad . Stories revolved around Del Boy's latest ' get rich quick ' scheme which , predictably , would fail badly . But as it developed , and steadily rose in popularity , it evolved into something else - a comedy soap , if you like . When it was expanded to 45 minute episodes , supporting characters such as ' Trigger ' , ' Denzil ' and ' Boycie ' became as much a part of the show as either Del Boy or Rodney . When the latter married Cassandra and the former began a relationship with Raquel , that was when it really hit the button . Those who claim that the show's humour is intrinsically dated are wrong because the show is essentially about human relationships and that theme will never date . Despite their constant bickering , Del Boy and Rodney are devoted to each other . When gangsters threatened Rodney , Del Boy agreed to take a beating on his behalf . A sitcom about hate is never going to have the longevity of one based on love . The death of Lennard Pearce in the mid-80's threatened to derail the show , but John Sullivan bravely decided to make Grandad's death into an episode , one that set the scene for the arrival of Uncle Albert , brilliantly played by Buster Merryfield . As other sitcoms come and go , ' Only Fools ' will always be around somewhere . My favourite episode - ' The Jolly Boys ' Outing ' . Just watching the Trotters and their friends having fun at the seaside is a sheer joy ! A word of warning - if you're thinking of getting your chandelier cleaned , don't call the Trotters , okay ? |
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