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Junkshop Blues !
Shelley wants to buy an old book in a junk shop but the dealer tries to make him think it is worth far more than it really is . After a protracted debate , the dealer agrees to let him have it for nothing . Shelley and Fran are in a pub when he meets an old friend from his university days - Paul ' Bunter ' England ( Wa...
401,526
7,743,887
74,895
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Meriel - Imaginary , Real Or Hallucinatory ?
1976 was a good year for anyone who loved well-crafted supernatural anthology shows . I . T . V . gave the world Nigel Kneale's ' Beasts ' , while B . B . C . - 2 had ' The Mind Beyond ' , a six-part series produced by Irene Shubik , the driving force behind the legendary science fiction series ' Out Of The Unknown ' ....
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I know his father ! He wears yellow trousers and stutters !
Alf's leg is broken as a result of him slipping on a freshly polished floor ( he thinks Else did it on purpose to try and claim insurance money ) and he is off work , confined to a wheelchair . She claims it was his own fault as he was drunk at the time . Left alone for hours in the dark , he is bored out of his mind a...
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Are you sure you're not Bruce Forsyth ?
Shelley and his girlfriend Fran are searching for somewhere to live . In a café , he teases a well-endowed but dim waitress by suggesting a ' spot of troilism ' . It means threesome , but she thinks he is asking for food . At the Unemployment Benefit Office , he collects his Giro from the humourless Alan Forsyth , who ...
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He's Wearing A Wig !
Picture the scene ; a man is idly browsing the goods on sale at a tobacconist's kiosk . The owner ( Paul Merton ) asks : " Can I help you ? " . " I'm just looking ! " the man says , to which the owner sarcastically replies : " You're not just looking . You're hearing as well . Now you're speaking . " . We cut to a fiel...
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The Boys From The Dwarf
It is hard to believe it is just over twenty years since ' Red Dwarf ' blasted onto our screens . I watched the first episode for two reasons ; firstly , it was the work of Rob Grant and Doug Naylor , writers I knew from their work on ' Carrott's Lib ' and ' Spitting Image ' , and secondly , it combined two life-long i...
401,441
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Bob Helmets Is Dead ?
I hated the first episode of this show ( ' Protesting Hippies ' ) so much in 1999 that I shunned the rest . However , when it came on ' The Paramount Comedy Channel ' I watched it in full and , to my surprise , found it absolutely hilarious ( Motto : never judge a comedy series in its first week ) ! Set in 1969 , ' Hip...
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Russ's Madhouse On A Saturday Night
Running parallel with the ' alternative comedy ' boom of the ' 80's was the emergence of more traditional comedy performers , such as Cannon & Ball , Jimmy Cricket , Bobby Davro and , of course , Russ . ' Madhouse ' began life as a vehicle for Freddie Starr , and was quite dreadful , but when Russ replaced him it devel...
400,736
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Are you the head robber ?
Our hero has landed a cushy job writing copy for an advertising agency ( nice work if you can get it ! ) . He hates it but is looking forward to his first pay check . But when it arrives he is not happy - after tax deductions it is not much higher than the money he got on the Dole . Furious , Shelley goes to the Tax Of...
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I am not eating apartheid fish !
Shelley is appalled to learn that his favourite pub is to undergo a refit , to be renamed ' The Victory ' and the staff are to dress as Admiral Nelson . But that is the least of his problems . At the Unemployment Benefit Office , the Dole Inspector wants to know why , with his qualifications ( ten O Levels , 4 A Levels...
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The Welsh ' Passport To Pimlico ' ?
Over the years , there have been numerous attempts to put Wales and its people on the television screen , ranging from the cringe making Ronnie Barker sitcom ' The Magnificent Evans ' to the touching period drama ' We Are Seven ' . ' Mine All Mine ' was a piece of whimsy from the pen of Russell T . Davies , starring Gr...
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It's a gas !
This is my favourite ' Doctor ' film , made when ' 60's London was in full Swing . British comedy films were fast losing their appeal , with only the ' Carry On's ' carrying on , so for the ' Doctor ' series , it was a case of ' if you can't beat ' em , join ' em ' . Personally , I prefer the Philips ' Doctor ' films t...
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I will not make any deals with you . I've resigned !
As I write this , a remake of the television classic ' The Prisoner ' is nearing completion . Those of us who remember the original view the prospect with some trepidation . How many great movies / T . V . series have had their reputations sullied by remakes ? Too many to name . Even the B . B . C . have gotten in on t...
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What time do you call this ?
Alf is scrubbing the floor of the hall in the block of flats where he and Else both live . Why ? He thinks he owns it . He then goes out into the garden to burn rubbish , but a neighbour with washing on the line threatens to set their dog on him . Tired at having to do housework in addition to pushing Else around , Alf...
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The Last Noel - If Only !
A year to the day after ' I Love A ' 70's Christmas ' , B . B . C . - 2 gave us another helping of seasonal nostalgia with this offering , linked by Brian Blessed as Father Christmas . Amongst the topics under discussion were ' The Railway Children ' , ' Some Mothers Do Ave Em ' , pantomimes and ' Thunderbirds ' . Noel...
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Alf's Supermarket Adventure !
This episode begins in the pub , with Alf and Arthur chatting about the old days in the docks , before ( so Alf claims ) the unions helped bring about the end of industry in Britain . Marigold is there with his boyfriend Goldie ( Richard Speight ) . Alf is repelled by their openly gay behaviour , yet accepts the drinks...
401,312
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10
Smoking ? Do you see smoke coming out of my pipe ?
Fed up at having to push his crippled wife everywhere , Alf takes Else's wheelchair to bits in the living room in an effort to make it lighter . At the Department of Social Security ( now the Department of Works & Pensions ) he tries to see about getting Else a motorised model . The starchy clerk informs him that she w...
401,618
7,743,887
679,177
10
Do We Know Where Seltzman Is ?
Originally produced under the title ' Face Unknown ' , this episode was made as a ' fill-in ' because McGoohan was busy filming ' Ice Station Zebra ' for M . G . M . It opens with a helicopter bringing an army Colonel to The Village . Number 2 reveals to him the existence of a ' mind swap ' machine , invented by Profes...
400,843
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The Politics Of Individuality
Of the seventeen episodes which form Patrick McGoohan's brilliant ' The Prisoner ' series , ' Free For All ' is in my view the most relevant to the modern world . Written and directed by the man himself ( sheltering behind the pseudonym ' Paddy Fitz ' ) , it was the fourth to be broadcast in the U . K . , and the first...
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You're a bastard , Alan ! " B'Stard , if you please ! "
By the mid-80's , Rik Mayall was firmly established as one of the biggest comedy stars on British television , thanks to ' A Kick Up The ' 80's ' in which he had played the idiotic Kevin Turvey , and of course ' The Young Ones ' . Lawrence Marks and Maurice Gran had created the brilliant ' Shine On Harvey Moon ' which ...
401,257
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679,188
10
Number Six Times Two
Patrick McGoohan , my favourite actor , died earlier this week ( shame on B . B . C . - 1's ' Six O'Clock News ' and I . T . N . for failing to mention this . If it had been Russell Brand it probably would have been the lead item ) , so I thought I'd pay small tribute by looking at an episode of his most famous creatio...
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Alf's ultimate nightmare !
Alf is clipping his toenails with scissors when someone knocks the door . It is Min ( Patricia Hayes ) , his old neighbour , and she has brought along her sister - the senile Gwenneth ( Irene Handl ) . This appalling pair pair proceeds to move in ( " only for a few days " ) , turfing Alf out of his bed . Gwenneth is no...
401,454
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10
They Were More Than Just The Welsh Morecambe & Wise
In the early ' 70's , it looked as though Welsh comedians Ryan Davies and Ronnie Williams were poised to breakthrough into the British comedy mainstream . Bill Cotton , the then-Head Of Light Entertainment at the B . B . C . attended a recording of one of their shows and , despite not really understanding it ( it was i...
400,853
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I Say , You're Not The Duke Of Wellington , Are You ?
Chosen ( rather oddly ) to represent ' The Prisoner ' as part of I . T . V . ' s ' Best Of British ' series in 1982 , ' Girl ' is one of the least representative episodes . Apart from the final scene , there's nothing to link it to the ongoing saga of ' Number 6 ' and his quest to escape The Village . It opens with an ...
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You're never to old to learn , Sir !
A new craze sweeps through The Village . ' Speed Learn ' is a subliminal educational process by which students can accomplish three years ' worth of studying in three minutes . It is the work of The Professor , a benign academic who delivers lectures via the television screen . In reality , though , he is merely a figu...
401,055
7,743,887
64,133
10
I Knew I Shouldn't Have Eaten Those Radishes !
Of all the ' Carry On ' pictures , ' Camping ' seems to be the one most frequently shown on television , and with good reason . It is an absolute joy . Various people from all walks of life converge on the Paradise camping site . Sid Boggle ( Sid James ) and his pal Bernie Lugg ( Bernard Bresslaw ) are sexually-frustra...
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Take A Look At The Lawman . . .
When I first heard about this , I thought : " Here we go again . Yet another one of those awful ' let's make fun of the past ' shows . " ( in fact , it was originally going to be that way , and called ' Ford Granada ' . But then commonsense prevailed ) . I tuned in nervously to the first episode . It came as a pleasant...
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As good as Bond
Several oil executives die in mysterious ' accidents ' and each time , an anonymous company is richer by a million pounds . Insurance underwriter Hugh Drummond is called in to investigate . Jimmy Sangster had earlier put Hammer Films on the map by reworking old horror favourites like ' Dracula ' and ' Frankenstein ' . ...
401,683
7,743,887
1,420,339
10
Off to work with an empty briefcase
How nice it is for me to be able to say something complimentary about a programme that was not first transmitted thirty years or so ago . The programme in question is ' Reggie Perrin ' , starring Martin Clunes . While I still think the original is a classic , the remake has a lot going for it . Clunes is shaping up nic...
401,653
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237,963
10
Satire On Sunday !
Of all the sketch shows that came in the wake of ' Monty Python's Flying Circus ' , ' End Of Part One ' was , I think , the best . It only ran to two seasons , yet is well remembered by those who saw it . Andrew Marshall and David Renwick's witty skits mocked not only television programmes , but also their presentation...
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Thirteen Weeks Of Sheer Bliss !
Channel 4's ' T . V . Heaven ' set the gold standard for nostalgia shows . Each edition was devoted to a particular year , with programmes , title sequences , news footage and commercials , all ably introduced by the late , great Frank Muir . A few hailed from his time at L . W . T . , such as ' Please Sir ! ' . Among ...
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Welcome To Project Zero !
Along a quiet country road , a man in a lab coat runs , plainly terrified . Coming to a small village square , he finds it eerily deserted . He tries to make a phone call , but while his back is turned , the Postmaster shoots him dead . The scientist's body is later found dumped in a London street . Tremayne tells The ...
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Baxter Brilliance !
When producer / director David Bell defected to L . W . T . in 1972 , star Stanley Baxter followed suit . ' Picture ' had a brief run ( only four episodes were made ) but provided the Scottish comedian with the launching pad for those spectacular one-hour shows for which he is best remembered . It comprised spoofs of p...
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Talk , Stirling , talk !
NEMESIS agent Craig Stirling is trapped in a room from which there is no escape , where he is ruthlessly interrogated by a sinister man , who wants to know all about ' the Retford case ' . Stirling is being broken a bit at a time . The water is drugged , and the exit turns out to be fake . The only people who can help ...
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Trek In The U . K .
I was a fan of ' Star Trek ' long before I saw a single episode . In 1969 a comic called ' Joe 90 : Top Secret ' went on sale in the U . K . Along with ' Joe 90 ' , it featured ' The Champions ' , ' Land Of The Giants ' , and of course , ' Star Trek ' . By the time the B . B . C . bought it - ' Star Trek ' was shown as...
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Not One For The ' Cutting-Edge ' Brigade
The above rating is for the mid-'70's to mid-80's shows , when ' Last Of The Summer Wine ' was at its peak in my view . Brian Wilde was ' Foggy ' , Peter Sallis ' Clegg ' , and the irreplaceable Bill Owen played ' Compo ' . ' Last ' is the perfect tonic ; the sun always shines in Holmfirth , everybody gets on well with...
401,382
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Two Lipsticks And A Shaving Brush
A few years ago , the satellite channel U . K . Gold promoted repeats of ' Men Behaving Badly ' with the line : " Here it is , the original flat-sharing sitcom ! " . It was totally untrue . ' Man About The House ' was also a flat-sharing sitcom and ran from 1973-76 . It was the brainchild of Johnnie Mortimer and Brian ...
400,997
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A dog leading a double life ?
In the Bronx , residents are being evicted from their homes as part of a new road construction project . Stubbornly refusing to leave is Jewish grandmother Mrs . Bronson . Because the land she lives on is city owned , the police are called in to get rid of her . Toody and Muldoon turn up with eviction papers , but she ...
401,117
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The Making Of A ' Dr . Who ' Classic
When ' Inferno ' was released on D . V . D . earlier this year , I nearly didn't buy it as my V . H . S . copy was still in good condition . Then I changed my mind , and thank goodness for that because then I'd have missed this cracking documentary . Opening with a brief recap of earlier Season 7 adventures , it swiftl...
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Its Bleedin ' Treasure Island Now !
Much to Mackay's disgust , Fletcher is laid up in the hospital wing of Slade prison with a broken foot . Also there is Blanco , an elderly man , and the conniving , weasel-like Norris . On hearing that Norris now owns Blanco's most treasured possessions - an antique snuff box , a Japanese radio , and a music-box that p...
401,315
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I read a book once . Green it was !
Three new arrivals at H . M . Slade Prison - the dimwitted Cyril Heslop , first-timer Lennie Godber , and recidivist Norman Stanley Fletcher . Mackay warns the guards to keep an eye on the latter . Following an army-style lecture on discipline by the Scots warder , the newcomers are subjected to a medical , or ' depers...
401,006
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49,059
10
A robbery ? Anything stolen ?
Despite not being an official ' Goon Show ' movie ( as the dire ' Down Among The Z-Men ' was ) , this is the best example of Goon humour on film . I watched it online recently for the first time in fifteen years and found it as hysterically funny as ever . Peter Sellers and Spike Milligan are the incompetent Scotland Y...
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I hear you've got a game going !
To keep their minds occupied behind bars , the inmates of H . M . Slade Prison have turned to gambling . They will bet on anything - two flies walking up a wall , guessing the number of bricks in a cell , two flies walking down a wall - and everything . Fletcher's working with pigs means he has easy access to the hen h...
401,272
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Steamboat Fatty
If any single individual epitomised the alternative comedy movement of the ' 80's , it was Alexei Sayle . Looking like a newly released convict whose suit has gotten too small for him , he bludgeoned audiences into submission with a powerful blend of surreal humour and satire . Love him or hate him , you couldn't ignor...
401,179
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To The Batpoles !
' Batman ' was one of a bunch of U . S . shows to benefit from the arrival of colour television in the mid-'60's . The sets , costumes , over-the-top gadgetry , all screamed ' Look ! We're In Colour ! ' . Had it been done two years earlier in black and white , I don't think it would have worked . William Dozier hit on ...
401,133
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So Clever But Oh So Vulnerable
' Adam Adamant Lives ! ' was another innovative and inventive adventure series from the creative mind of Sydney Newman ( his others include ' The Avengers ' and ' Dr . Who ' ) . Having been placed in suspended animation by his arch-enemy ' The Face ' , the dashing Edwardian hero Adam Adamant ( Gerald Harper ) was found...
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Alias The Baron
I . T . C . made ' The Baron ' as a follow-up to ' The Saint ' series starring Roger Moore . Terry Nation , Dennis Spooner and Brian Clemens ignored John Creasey's books and invented wholly original plots . Some such as ' Storm Warning / The Island ' had a strong ' U . N . C . L . E . / Avengers ' flavour . The casting...
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Terror From Thames !
Sufferers of a nervous disposition found much in early ' 70's British television to give them sleepless nights - the half-eaten corpse in the ' Tomorrow The Rat ' episode of ' Doomwatch ' ; ' Dr . Edith Joynton ' ageing to death in seconds in ' Timeslip ' ; ' Platoon Under-Leader ' Benton's transformation into a Primor...
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The Name Is Pulaski !
The recent I . T . V . series ' Moving Wallpaper / Echo Beach ' won plaudits in some quarters for being ' original ' , and yet was not . Twenty years ago , Roy Clarke ( of ' Last Of The Summer Wine ' and ' Open All Hours ' fame ) came up with a remarkably similar idea for the B . B . C . ' Pulaski ' was a show within a...
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Telegram for Mongo !
American film comedy in the ' 70's was dominated by two men - Woody Allen and Mel Brooks . The latter had made the hilarious ( though unappreciated at the time ) ' The Producers ' and the little-seen ' The Twelve Chairs ' . With two flops to his credit , that should have been the last of him . Fortunately for us , Warn...
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The Seven Ronnies
' Seven Of One ' is best remembered as the series that gave Ronnie Barker two of his greatest television successes : ' Porridge ' and ' Open All Hours ' . But don't be fooled into thinking the remaining five are in some way substandard . ' My Old Man ' cast Ronnie as ' Sam Cobbett ' , a cantankerous pensioner strugglin...
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Another Winner From Michael !
' You Must Be Joking ! ' opens with the most famous work of art in history - The Mona Lisa . Suddenly ( courtesy of Bob Godfrey animation ) , it winks at us and grins , exposing blackened teeth . A fast-paced Laurie Johnson theme kicks in , and we are off . Its an early Michael Winner film , so we know it won't be dull...
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Future Medicine
Dr . Roger Full ( Emrys Jones ) was struck off years before following the death of a patient . Since that time , he has sunk slowly into a morass of alcoholism , poverty and despair . His life changes dramatically one day when he finds a black bag containing medical instruments the like of which he has not before seen ...
401,639
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111,958
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More tea , Father ?
To my eternal shame , I shunned ' Father Ted ' when it was originally broadcast , and only got into it in 2000 when it was shown on The Paramount Comedy Channel . Its impossible to deliver an objective review of this show because everything about it is perfect . The late Dermot Morgan was one of the greatest comedians ...
401,386
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He's The Talk Of The West , Always Cool , He's The Best !
By 1970 , the spaghetti western genre was looking tired , until Enzo Barboni made this amiable romp . Terence Hill plays the ' Trinity ' of the title , a blue-eyed gunslinger so laid back as to make ' The Man With No Name ' look like The Milky Bar Kid . Teaming up with his brother ' Bambino ' , a bearded giant of a man...
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A Cosmic Watergate ?
Conspiracy theory movies abounded in the ' 70's ; amongst others , there was ' Executive Action ' ( 1973 ) , ' The Parallax View ' ( 1974 ) , ' The Domino Principle ' ( 1977 ) , and , of course , this . ' Capricorn One ' was unusual in two respects ; firstly , it was made by Lew Grade ( so technically it is a British f...
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There'a hold-up in the Bronx . . .
The first episode of the brilliant American sitcom ' Car 54 Where Are You ? ' which did for the N . Y . P . D . what ' Sergeant Bilko ' did for the Army . Incompetent cops Toody and Muldoon spend their free days fishing without much success . They fantasise about going to sea in an expensive boat and catching a swordfi...
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Old Soldiers Never Die
' Fairly Secret Army ' was a spin-off from David Nobbs ' ' The Fall & Rise Of Reginald Perrin ' in which Geoffrey Palmer played ' Jimmy Anderson ' , Reggie's scrounging brother-in-law . " Bit of a cock-up on the catering front ! " , he would say , before making off with the contents of Elisabeth's fridge . In the secon...
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I like the idea of a nude . . . on a motorbike !
' One-Upmanship ' is probably unique in the annals of television in that its Christmas Special preceded the series by over a year . Richard Briers portrayed Stephen Potter , ex-B . B . C . broadcaster and college lecturer , and author of the spoof manuals ' Gamesmanship ' , ' Lifemanship ' , ' One-Upmanship ' , ' Super...
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My father . . . a male Linda Lovelace !
While London swelters in a heat wave , Albert relaxes in the yard in a deckchair , stripped to the waist , a knotted hankie on his head , while poor Harold is out totting , having eaten nothing all day save a corned beef sandwich and drunk water from the horse's bucket . Harold has picked up an old ' What The Butler Sa...
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Batman Vs . The Fearsome Foursome !
Between Seasons 1 and 2 of ' Batman ' , this movie spin-off gave us British fans a chance to appreciate The Caped Crusader in colour . Adam West and Burt Ward reprised their roles as ' Batman ' and ' Robin ' ; even though I never could stand the latter he doesn't spoil the film too much . Madge Blake , Neil Hamilton , ...
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Two great rows of tombstones flashing at me !
Campaigning has begun in a local by-election , and Albert and Harold find themselves on opposing ends of the political spectrum ; the former a true-blue Tory , the latter a staunch Labour supporter . Tory bigwigs inform Albert that Prime Minister Ted Heath plans to take tea with him as part of a ' Meet The People ' tou...
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Gotcha !
Politicians do not hold any real power these days , the press do . They can make and break someone in a short space of time . L . W . T . ' s ' Hot Metal ' did for journalism what Andrew Marshall and David Renwick's earlier ' Whoops Apocalypse ! ' did for The Cold War . The premise is this ; the ailing ' Crucible ' new...
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Harold . . . you're on the turn !
Harold is collecting what he thinks are valuable antiques for his private collection . When his father accidentally destroys a Burnt Jones painting with a blow lamp ( " This Burnt Jones is more Burnt than Jones ! " ) , they are at loggerheads once more . Their row is interrupted by the arrival of Timothy Stanhope ( Ric...
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What's it like for crumpet ?
Harold is dating the very sexy Marcia Wigley ( Lynn Farleigh ) , who describes both herself and her husband as ' swingers ' , even though he cannot do much swinging as he is currently in jail . They both want to go up to Harold's room , but Albert is making a racket by mending old shoes . Finally , believing the old ma...
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Strictly Steptoe Dancing !
Its Sunday afternoon . While Albert snores his head off in his favourite armchair , Harold talks to himself . He is thoroughly miserable because he has set his sights on an attractive woman named Jean and does not appear to be getting anywhere with her . As Jean is a fan of ballroom dancing , Albert offers to teach his...
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I'll bung you in the black bath !
Harold is fed up with living in squalor ( he has to put saucepans down each time it rains ) and proposes that he and Albert sell up and move to a quiet , residential area . Predictably , the old man isn't keen on the idea , but is finally seduced by his son's talk of a better life . They are shown around their dream ho...
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What kind of fool am I ?
Albert is confined to bed with back trouble . A doctor ( Robert James ) has prescribed plenty of rest . Naturally the old man takes advantage of the situation by living like a king , with poor old Harold not only cleaning the house , shopping , changing library books , preparing and taking meals upstairs , but also bei...
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I've been had !
An episode of the underrated fifth season of ' Mission : Impossible ' . No tape recorder opening this time . We are plunged into the mission immediately . Barney Collier ( Greg Morris ) and Willy Armitage ( Peter Lupus ) have broken into the Interoco Chemical Plant somewhere in the Middle East ( how prophetic ! ) to de...
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Who is ' Scorpio ' ?
' The Killer ' was chosen to open the fifth season of ' Mission : Impossible ' . Robert Conrad guests as ' Eddie Lorca ' , a professional hit-man who flies to Los Angeles to carry out an assassination . He does not yet know whom he will kill . His paymaster is the mysterious ' Scorpio ' . Waiting for him are Jim Phelps...
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Simon In The ' 60's
The show that made Roger Moore a star and rightly so . After forty-three years no-one has matched his version of ' The Saint ' . He brought warmth and charisma to the role , as well as directing episodes such as ' The House On Dragon's Rock ' . He was supported by Britain's finest actors such as Julie Christie , Anthon...
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A Chilling View Of A Nightmare Future
In the late ' 80's , as satellite television finally became a reality in the U . K . , this gripping play by William Nicholson attempted to warn of the possible dangers involved . Dirk Bogarde plays ' James Marriner ' , a washed-up T . V . personality ( known to viewers as ' Gentleman Jim ' ) hired by an American satel...
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There's a po in it !
Harold is delighted with his latest purchase - a Regency commode , which he got for only £7 . 10 . The woman who sold it to him had no idea as to its true worth . But his father , normally not averse to making a quick profit , is appalled , seeing the purchase as unethical . Then the ex-owner turns up , and offers to b...
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An Everyday Story Of A Monk Falling In Love With A Hooker !
' In God We Tru$t ' opened to a unanimous drubbing from critics and public alike . Universal terminated Marty's contract , plunging him into suicidal despair . Actually , its quite a clever satire on the commercialisation of religion , Christianity in particular . Many attacked the film on the basis that it was somehow...
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Trouble At T'Mill !
In the early ' 80's , the world was in the grip of ' Dallas ' fever . This ludicrous , overblown saga of Texan oil billionaires had somehow gripped the public's imagination , and inevitably imitations ( ' Flamingo Road ' , ' Falcon Crest ' , ' Dynasty ' ) and parodies appeared . ' Brass ' was the creation of Julian Roa...
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Eric Idle's Finest Hour
The final impression conveyed by this dismal programme was that of the talentless sneering at the talented was how one angry Beatles fan summed up ' All You Need Is Cash ' in a letter to ' The Radio Times ' in 1978 . He'd missed the point completely . Eric Idle and Gary Weis ' film is not a mickey take of the group t...
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Jack Becomes Blakey !
Stan and Jack get a new fiddle going - by waiting round a corner from a bus stop they can avoid picking up passengers and have a crafty smoke at the same time - but then disaster strikes ! Jack is unexpectedly promoted to the post of Inspector . Stan is chuffed at first , as he thinks his friend will give him more over...
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Extraordinary Way To Clean Windows !
In the early ' 70's , a number of Sphere-published books , all credited to one ' Timothy Lea ' and whose titles were prefixed by the words ' Confessions Of A . . . ' , went on sale in Britain . I never bought one ( I was more into Agaton Sax ) , but a Form Five boy brought several to school , which he passed round behi...
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Mr . Parris ' Worst Week !
Back in Thatcher's Britain , rent-a-quote Tory M . P . Matthew Parris overstepped the mark by claiming benefit claimants had it easy . Granada's ' World In Action ' challenged him to sign on the dole for one week , and he did . Guess what ? He couldn't live on the money ! ' World In Action ' was a hard-hitting current ...
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More Television Magic From Irwin Allen !
' Project Tic Tok ' is a secret underground base where scientists have developed time travel . Head of the project is Dr . Tony Newman . Terrified of losing Government funding , Newman decides to test the device , known as ' the time tunnel ' , using himself as guinea pig . He finds himself on the deck of the Titanic ,...
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Dr . Upton Will See You Now !
' In The House ' concluded with the students finally passing their medical exams , so it looked like the end for the show . Frank Muir had moved on , to be replaced as Head of Comedy at L . W . T . by Barry Took . But two weeks after the last episode was recorded , Humphrey Barclay contacted the cast to inform them it ...
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Mama !
1939 . Bill Oddie is born and , much to the consternation of his parents , has the body of a fully grown man , replete with beard . Sent to a special public school for precocious tots , he along with Graeme Garden and Tim Brooke-Taylor offer to do their bit for the war effort . After defusing a bomb dropped on the scho...
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We'll Keep A Welcome In The Hillside !
The Goodies go to Wales to perform at the Eisteddfod on Llan-dlubber Island . They find it a dreary , boring place ( the roadsigns read ' No Drinking ' , ' No Smoking ' and ' No Girls ' ) , peopled by women in national costume with smoke coming out of their hats and God-fearing types , such as ' The Reverend Llewellyn ...
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F . S . - 1 To Seaview !
Created by Irwin Allen , ' Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea ' was a long-running science fiction series based on the hit Twentieth Century Fox movie of the same name . Basically , it told of the colourful exploits of the Seaview , the world's most technologically advanced submarine , commanded by Captain Lee Crane and c...
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You're a looney ! . " Thank you ! "
The Goodies are watching a live concert in Hyde Park when sinister Mafia-types make off with the orchestra . Everywhere , musicians are mysteriously vanishing . The Goodies give a free show on Hackney Marshes . No-one turns up to hear them play , but someone makes off with their lorry - with them inside . Our heroes ar...
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There's Nobody Driving Those Things !
Frustrated at the lack of progress on the redecoration of their office , The Goodies search for new premises . Disguised as poor people ( Bill is made up to look like a baby ) , they visit an estate agent , whose house prices rise with each passing second . After being conned out of their life savings , they decide to ...
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Back In The Real World . . .
' The Enemy Of The World ' is usually regarded as ' Dr . Who's ' sole excursion into the world of James Bond , but I think ' The Invasion ' can lay a greater claim to that title . It has a missing Professor , a kooky blonde , a paramilitary organisation set up to combat threats to the world , a super villain bent on wo...
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How Kolchak Inspired Carter
When originally screened in America in 1972 , ' The Night Stalker ' became the highest rated made-for-T . V . movie in history . Based on Jeff Rice's unpublished novel , it told how a fearless investigative reporter named Carl Kolchak ( the late Darren McGavin ) discovered the existence of a vampire in modern-day Las V...
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Steptoe Totters Into The ' 70's
After an absence of five years , ' Steptoe & Son ' returned to B . B . C . - 1 , and at an interesting time for British television . Colour had arrived , and I . T . V . were topping the ratings with ' Please Sir ! ' , the ' Doctor ' series , and ' On The Buses ' , meaning the B . B . C . needed to compete . Shows made...
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The Not-So Good , The Very Bad & The Extremely Ugly
The coming of C . G . I . effectively revolutionised television and cinema , relegating generations of sci-fi and horror movies to museum piece status , curios to be laughed at rather than be frightened or excited by . It may surprise some to learn that the ' hah-hah , that was so low budget ! ' attitude existed long b...
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Its The ' 50's Revival !
This is one of my favourite ' Goodies ' episodes , mainly because it mocks three popular television shows of the ' 70's - the talent ( free ) contest ' New Faces ' , ' Stars On Sunday ' ( yuck ! ) and the pop show ' Supersonic ' in which producer Mike Mansfield briefly became a youth cult figure ( his catchphrase was "...
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Big Bunny Is Watching You !
Graeme is asked by the British Government to organise an expedition to the Moon . He sends Tim and Bill . After waltzing about on the lunar surface to the strains of Strauss , they find carrots and lettuces in abundance , sustenance for an army of super-intelligent rabbits led by ' Big Bunny ' - originally known as ' F...
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They're Altogether Ooky !
I had heard of but never seen ' The Addams Family ' until 1974 when I . T . V . screened repeats on Sunday mornings . I took to it straight away , as did most of my generation . People who think ' The League Of Gentlemen ' are doing anything new should be made to watch this ; it was unusually dark by the standards of U...
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Trouble At The Drillhead
One of the few disadvantages the new ' Doctor Who ' has is its inability to gradually develop a feeling of menace . With only forty-five minutes to tell the story , it would be an expensive luxury . The setting and characters have to be established quickly , so we can get onto the monsters . The original ' Dr . Who ' h...
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You'll never stick it out !
Bob takes Terry to a trendy hairdresser's , where his friend is shocked to see men working alongside women . He jumps to the wrong conclusion about their sexuality . As they prepare to have their hair washed and restyled , an old friend ( enemy ? ) called Brian Flint strides in , and , removing his cap , reveals himsel...
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Kids ' programme !
As far as I - and millions of other British kids - were concerned , ' The Goodies ' could do no wrong in 1973 . We lapped up each new series ( including repeats ) , laughed at the comic strip in ' Cor ! ' , and us lucky ones got the 1974 Annual in our Christmas stocking . Such was the level of interest in ' The Goodies...
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A caterpillar fell out of his underpants ! Terry has become withdrawn , sullen and morose . Lounging about his mother's house all day , he does nothing but smoke , do jigsaws , and watch daytime television ( yes , it existed then ) . Mrs . Collier likens him to ' Andy Capp ' , while Audrey is reminded of Old Man Stept...
Its hard to imagine the impact that ' Dr . No ' had on audiences back in 1962 , particularly those not used to seeing a British film made with the same level of technical competence as American movies . Harry Saltzman and Cubby Broccoli took a gamble by casting an unknown - Sean Connery - as the lead character James Bo...
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Who Were Those Masked Scouts ?
Bill and Graeme notice their friend Tim behaving in an odd fashion . Each night , he goes out , wearing a grubby mac , a bin liner on his head , and creeps about the deserted streets like someone with a guilty secret . They follow him to a hut , where Tim is Scoutmaster of a troupe of ancient Scouts . Bill and Graeme f...
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This is a man . . . and this isn't !
Mrs . Desiree Carthorse , the puritanical head of the ' Clean Up T . V . Campaign ' , hires The Goodies to make a sex education film entitled ' How To Make Babies By Doing Dirty Things ' . But she takes offence to the word ' gender ' in the opening credits , and suddenly our heroes are in trouble , with the public and ...
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Send Rodney For The Fish !
' Only Fools & Horses ' has experienced a slight fall from grace in recent years , with its reputation questioned by , amongst others , comedian Arthur Smith , who made unfavourable comparisons with ' The Office ' . Repeats have possibly resulted in overfamiliarity breeding contempt , as well as confusion ( the episode...