text stringlengths 0 2.26k |
|---|
**Adam Stacoviak:** Right. So if this keeps occurring, eventually it will turn from guilt to shame, and the internal dialogue of being not enough. |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Yes. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** So - sure, we have a list of more to go through, but what are some good ways to counteract this one in particular? |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Well, let me go back and give you some other examples, so people have a little broader framework, too. What about "I feel overwhelmed and hopeless, therefore my problems must be impossible." So I'm using an emotion to make an inference. "I feel inadequate, therefore I must be worthless." So in... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** \[20:23\] You're magnifying it even. So this one small area I'm not good at, so therefore my whole entire life is a disaster; my whole entire -- who I am is terrible at the core. |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Right. Or I could say "Gosh, I just feel so fat", even though my doctor says "You're fine. Your weight is within the normal range." No matter the evidence, you're convinced you must be dumb or stupid, even though work reports, grades, you've got a degree or a few degrees... This would be like ... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Rather than factual evidence. That's why I feel like if you have a couple of these happening, I would imagine that an authority figure with authoritative data might be a step towards overcoming your emotional reasoning. |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Yeah. One of the mantras I always say is "Feelings aren't facts. They're just feedback." |
**Adam Stacoviak:** You're right. So there's something going on here; it may not be as bad as I'm feeling like they are. It's the fact that I am having those feelings, but it's just a feedback process to discover "There's something going on here. I need to investigate further", and there you go. |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Right. A lot of people struggle with anxiety. Anxiety is a natural, normal feeling, but it's your job to figure out what that experience of anxiety is telling you... Because not everything is threatening, but it doesn't mean that there aren't threats. So recognizing - again, because you're lik... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Right. |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** So if I'm thinking a certain way or really getting stuck in the emotion, and then go "Oh, what do I do now? I just am anxious, I can't do anything. What are some of the ways that I can help myself crawl out of that?", going back to your original question. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Look for other data points. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** We've said that a lot. Is that your response to almost everything, Mireille? |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** \[laughs\] |
**Adam Stacoviak:** ...look for other data points? I'm not poking fun at you, I just think it seems to be a common trend, find more data to support how you're feeling or not. |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Well, you're doing an investigation, and if you just look at one piece of information, how does that tell the before, the during, and the after? It doesn't. So I wanna look at "What might have been going on before I started feeling this way?" If I'm like "Look, every Friday at noon I start to ... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** That's a good reason to feel that way. Nerves... Yeah, okay. |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Yeah. So when I say "Get more data", it's like, build the broader scene; help yourself see other facets to what you're going through, what could be contributing to your feeling, or the way in which you're thinking. I feel guilty every time I don't meet my boss's expectations. Okay... Has your ... |
\[24:06\] We've talked about this in the work from home episode, relative to not getting feedback when you're working from home, because nobody can see you... And going "How do I manage those thoughts?", like "Oh, man, I must not be doing enough. I'm not producing, I don't think I'm very valuable to my workplace, becau... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Well, are you getting other data from your boss, from your co-workers? Have you asked? Have you even said "Hey, I kind of feel like I might be underperforming"? Or "How can you tell me more about what's going on, because I think I woulda/coulda/shoulda done more?" which again, that would be an... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** We'll link that episode in the show notes for those listening, so you don't have to go searching and finding. We'll link it up. But you know, on that note, if you're feeling a certain way like that, is how you're feeling represented by just your emotion and data? That's what it sounds like you're sa... |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Well, \[unintelligible 00:25:29.09\] |
**Adam Stacoviak:** It's gonna be distorted. |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Right. I use the analogy of like a wishbone. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Okay, yeah. I was trying to make a visual, but it was upside down, wishbone... And I was like "Okay." It makes sense. |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Yeah, but you need both sides, because that's gonna help it balance. And if I added even another third segment, so it's like a tripod... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Right... Which is more data points. But the point was if you're just standing on emotions only, and not data... |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** It's like a pogo stick, yeah. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Right. You're gonna be off-balance, off-kilter, off-set. So the way to counteract this one in particular, or maybe others as well, is to get more data... But don't just stand on the finale of your feelings being just based on feelings alone. You need more support, more evidence, reasoning that's sou... |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Yeah. Well, if we think about it relative to balance, think about even the way in which our bodies move. If I tilt too far to one side, I help counter that by extending another limb in the alternative direction, right? There's an up and a down to help recalibrate and come back to more of a cen... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** So we're on number one. We've got four here. How can we tackle the rest? |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** So the next one I wanna talk about is labeling... Or mislabeling really might be the better word. We've talked about "Name it to tame it" and going "It's so important for us to be able to have an emotional vocabulary", but labeling things in this case for distortion is generalizing one or two ... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. I think of it like "This might happen to everyone. Or has happened to someone at least once. Is feeling somebody's worthless?" So not that this is truth, but maybe you're just not fully aware. I think of clerks; convenience store clerks, grocery store clerks... People that are just part of you... |
\[28:16\] I made it a point to specifically look at their name tag and say "Hey Suzy", "Hey Ben", whatever that person's name was, and connect, and not emotionally tag them as worthless or meaningless in my day-to-day interactions. So I'm not saying those people are, I'm just saying that's a scenario too where you'll j... |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Right. It's really this extreme form of an over-generalization. It involves describing an event with language that's highly colored and emotionally loaded. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Wow... Yeah. |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** See how inescapable that is? If I'm like "Oh, I did this one thing, and now "Ooh, I just blew it up!" It's not gonna help me contend with that any better, nor is it gonna make me want to go back and try again. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** So you could even think about this, if I'm to go back to our conversation relative to ACEs, of - we all label things as kids. And so I could have had an experience and go "Oh, gosh... No, I had this one really bad thing..." or "I was exposed to this violence, be it emotional or physical, and I... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** It sounds to me like these distortions are coping gone wrong... Right? |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Yup... Yeah. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** At one point it was useful, a good utility to act or perform a certain way because of abuse, because of violence, because of whatever happened, and you made certain coping choices along the way, whether they were informed or not... And eventually they've just gone wrong for you. |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Yeah, and you don't feel like there's an opportunity for recovery... So that's where you get stuck, of going "This is just what happened, and this is always the way that it's gonna be", and that isn't true in the slightest. |
The next one I wanna talk about is blaming. This isn't that profound, but that blaming people doesn't really work. If I hold other people responsible for my emotional pain, or blame myself... It doesn't just have to be other people, it could be "It's always only ever my fault." |
An example would be you hand in your portion of the project late, and say it was because of a mistake someone else made. You're blaming them and denying your share of the responsibility for your actions. I'm sure that never happens in the workplace... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** I've never done that; it's never been done against me... Never... |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** \[laughs\] This is one of the challenges with working on teams, because it's a perpetual reallocation, and like "What was my part? What could I have done differently?" Well, if they did turn it in late, then okay... |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.