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**Adam Stacoviak:** So this really depends upon this action of seeking. So we got curious people that listen to this show, tune in for Brain Science, all these details of neuroscience and how we can be better humans, or as we say, human better... But this particularly requires a desire, and the desire is the desire to ... |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** You've gotta will it to want it. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** You've gotta will it to want it. That's the truth, though. I mean, it's cliché, but it's totally the truth. You've got to seek this out. This is not something that's gonna come to you. You've got to be deliberate and intentional about getting to clarity. |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Yeah. So with that be your own scientist, of going notice when there's obstacle or opposition internally, where you might be like, "Gosh, I just keep procrastinating," and you want to just accept it at face value? I'm like, "No, no, no, no, no. Look deeper, because there's likely something els... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. All too often though, especially in scenarios where someone else is involved, and we've got to be a good teammate, we feel like we have to be polite to get to clarity. So all too often, when you're assertive in like, "Here's my position, here's my standard, here's my desires, my expectations,"... |
Sometimes we feel like we got to be polite. We can't get there, because it's like, "Oh, I might upset them, I might anger them, or we might get into an argument or a fight, or a conflict might ensue as a result of that." I think that you can be assertive and you can be clear about who you are and what you want to do in... |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Sure. I can really-- I mean, not to get into any significant gender conversation, but just as a woman trained up like, "Be respectful and mind your Ps and Qs and don't rock the boat," sort of thing, of going, "I don't want to come across as a jerk", or really misunderstood for just going, "Hey... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. I think time-boxing some of those things, like if you're being assertive and sharing those things, being able to describe "This is what I want, this is when I want it", or-- those are just points of clarity. They're not so much like demands, or it can be misunderstood, as you're alluding to...... |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Yeah, totally. In my experience, it's really helpful even after the fact. If I'm like, "Oh, wait. I realized I was filling it in with my own expectations as based on past experiences, and that doesn't fit the context of this new relationship. So hey, I need to step up and say something, becaus... |
I love this other point that I think is helpful. So when my husband and I were dating earlier on, I used to always say -- just because things felt so long, I was like, "We're never going to \*fill in the blank\*. Never." That underlying pessimist in me was like, "I'm not sure it's gonna happen, so this is never gonna h... |
So our family actually plays the never game, and this is relative to always challenge your never. So we play this game to go, "What are we never going to get?" My husband loves boats and being on the water, and so my son, one day, started off with, "We're never gonna have a Nautique." It was like, these are things that... |
I even remember back in starting graduate school and looking at the students further ahead. Now, I was already in the program, so I was in. All I had to do was all that step, step, step to get there. But seeing them, it seemed so far from where I was that it "felt" as if I was never going to get there. But all that did... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. Well, that's interesting, because sometimes your nevers can establish a blueprint for getting to a point, too. The Nautique, for example. Well, the never might be true if, for example - if you don't take these certain steps, that will be true. |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Sure. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** But if you want the never to not be true, I suppose, well, then here's what's required to get there. Or it might motivate you to be self-aware, establishing clarity of what you want to do, and give you a blueprint, a framework, a map, so to speak, waypoints to get to in order to make you a Nautique ... |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Exactly. So with this, I've alluded to it in some of the other points, but... The value of conversation with other people we care about and/or asking for help. Even as a clinician, one of the things we do best is recognizing the value of consultation. When I don't know who am I going to talk t... |
I think I've referenced this in past episodes, but it was Daniel Pink who wrote this book Drive, and talking about what drives us or motivates us in our lives. With that, he notes on the importance of doing something meaningful and being a part of something bigger than just ourselves. I think this highlights the point ... |
Even asking yourself-- Brendon Burchard, in his book on High Performance Habits, asks this question. He says asking yourself, "What do those I serve want now?" as opposed to simply going, "What do I want now?" I mean, part of how this podcast even developed was I love educating people, and I just wished that more peopl... |
I think that is the most meaningful thing we can do and why clarity is so important, is because it really helps put you in the best way amidst the world. You show up doing you, creating your own unique influence. We all have a particular shape and preference and part to whole, and so I want people to be reflective arou... |
So throughout this week, I'd encourage you to get away, and in terms of maybe outside your house, or maybe in another room that you're not typically in, and think through things in terms of a more panoramic view, that maybe we've had some hardships and you're not working in the position or career you were. So asking, "... |
So with the space and reflection, like we've said before, writing things down is always helpful. Because not just the name it to tame it, but I can look for repetitions in the things that I write... Because this is being your own scientist at heart. You are looking at an examining where you're at, where you want to go,... |
• Cognitive distortions are common thought patterns that can be distorted over time |
• They often begin innocently as defense mechanisms or coping strategies for adverse life events |
• Research suggests that prolonged and severe adverse experiences increase the likelihood of cognitive distortions forming |
• Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) include physical and emotional abuse, neglect, caregiver mental illness, household violence, substance abuse, parental separation/divorce, incarceration, and emotional/physical neglect |
• ACEs can have a lasting impact on individuals even if they don't seem severe at the time |
• These experiences can contribute to the development of cognitive distortions that may cause psychological damage over time |
• Distortions in thinking are often a result of adverse life events or ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) |
• Unresolved emotions and thoughts can lead to distorted thinking patterns |
• Awareness is the first step to changing thinking patterns, and tracking behaviors can help identify areas for improvement |
• Mapping back to the underlying cause of distortions, whether it be an emotion or a thought, can aid in change and self-reflection |
• Measuring and tracking behaviors can help individuals understand their thoughts and feelings better, leading to positive changes |
• Emotional reasoning and its effects on behavior |
• Dismissing observed evidence due to assumed truth of feelings |
• Differentiating between emotions and facts |
• The concept of "feelings aren't facts" |
• Examples of emotional reasoning in everyday life, such as guilt turning into shame and generalizing from one area to a whole life |
• Strategies for counteracting emotional reasoning, including seeking factual data and investigation |
• Using emotions alone can lead to an unbalanced perspective, emphasizing the need for data-driven decision-making |
• Labeling oneself or others with negative global judgments can perpetuate distortions and limit growth |
• Blaming others or oneself does not address underlying issues and can hinder progress |
• Mislabeling events or experiences from childhood can contribute to ongoing emotional pain and prevent recovery |
• The "best friend test" can be a useful tool in evaluating the accuracy of self-criticism and promoting more compassionate internal dialogue |
• The importance of recognizing effort and progress over perfection |
• Combining self-compassion with a growth mindset to overcome shame and blame |
• Embracing the concept of "baby steps" and gradual exposure to build confidence and hope |
• Recognizing the futility of trying to change others, and instead adapting to who they are |
• The importance of celebrating small victories and acknowledging the value of trying vs. achieving perfection |
• Distortions in thinking that lead to negative emotions and behaviors |
• Importance of awareness and self-reflection in changing thought patterns |
• Recognizing the benefits and costs of continuing certain thought patterns |
• Using past experiences to understand how thoughts have helped or hindered personal growth |
• Ability to choose new responses to situations rather than being reactive |
• Relationship between thoughts, feelings, and choices in daily life |
**Adam Stacoviak:** So as normal with any thinking and decision-making, it occurred to me that there are some various ways that we all think that can be distorted. Cognitive distortions are common to talk about in psychology, but not so much in everyday life... And I imagine that of the ones we talk about today, there ... |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Yeah. It's interesting, because cognitive distortions are something -- you don't necessarily have to have a mental health diagnosis in order to struggle with these, because we all do them at various times, in various ways... And they're usually sort of born from a time in which we utilized the... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** That's why they're common. |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Yeah, yeah. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** We'll get into these deeper, I'm sure... But it sounds like they begin innocently. As maybe even a defense mechanism or a reactionary situation where you've got to deal with a certain thing, so you act a certain way or think a certain way, but over time it gets more and more distorted. That's why th... |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Yeah, so research suggests that people develop cognitive distortions as a way of coping with adverse life events. So the more prolonged and severe those adverse events are, the more likely it is that one or more of these cognitive distortions will form. |
We've talked about these in earlier episodes, with sort of "shoulding" on yourself; listen carefully to that... \[laughs\] And things like catastrophizing, imagining the worst-case scenario in all the things... So we're gonna talk about a few different ones today, but basically, cognitive distortions are these tendenci... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** If done long-term. |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** Yup. Yup, yup, yup. So with that in mind, if we're looking at this being a multi-factor way in which these emerge, I can't help but bring up or think about aces. Have you ever heard of aces? |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Aces of spades maybe... |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** \[04:15\] \[laughs\] Right? No, ACEs as an acronym. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Nope. |
**Mireille Reece, PsyD:** So ACEs are what we called Adverse Life Experiences. These are things that have happened to us within our first 18 years of life. They tend to be talked about or referenced a lot in elementary school, early school education, so that teachers really can help kiddos who are struggling. |
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