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**Adam Stacoviak:** Right. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** So with that, I want you to think of a criterion, because we're all about utility; I don't wanna just give data if it doesn't help you do you better. So there are SMART goals. Have you heard of SMART goals? |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Briefly, yeah. In a previous episode. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** \[16:06\] Right. SMART goals are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timely. I need to be specific. I just can't say "I wanna get better at coding." |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Right. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** How would you measure that then? It has to be delineated or clarified, like "What do you want to do?" And then that Measurable is "How will you know when you've reached it?" So a lot of people in health would be like "Okay, I want to get to X weight. I want to be able to fit into this arti... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** That'd be like some sort of Guinness Book of World Records kind of weight loss scenario, I bet, in a month... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah. That really isn't in your power to accomplish it; not for a lack of will, but again, it just isn't adaptive in terms of doing yourself well... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** It's unlikely. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah. And so... Realistic. Not only achievable, but is it realistic? 50 pounds in a month probably isn't that realistic. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** I can see how those two blend together, too - achievable and realistic. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah. But can you really do it? And then Timely - when do you want to accomplish it by? And this is the thing - if I don't necessarily set a timetable... I mean, I could say "By the end of 2020, this is where I wanna be." Okay, but what if I said "By November 1st, 2020, this is when I wann... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Where are you gonna go? For what reason? Who's going with you? How will we pack? |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Right, yeah. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Clothes will matter, because it could be hot, cold, wet, whatever... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Exactly. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** It requires preparation. To know where you're trying to go, it requires preparation. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Right. And so we want to take all of these things into consideration as we're looking ahead, and trying to make ourselves better, improve upon ourselves in the years to come, or in the decade to come. So if we're looking at even more so these (dare I say) principles that help us also perfo... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Right. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** We need feedback around it. If I just do this thing -- say I record a bunch of podcasts, but I never release it, I never find out what happens with it. I'm probably not going to get to a place I want to be. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Right. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** And then how complex is that task? All of these things make a difference, as well. So we talked about SMART goals, but there's also these properties that go "I have to be considerate of what is my commitment level." If I am, say, about to become a new mom, or a dad for another time, it pro... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** So that isn't good or bad, but like we've talked about in other episodes, I need to be considerate around the energy that I'm allocating in different places. So I might say "Okay, I'm gonna move over this goal as it relates to my relationships, and I'm gonna consider the way in which I sho... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** \[20:15\] Right. You're describing my life, in a way... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** \[laughs\] |
**Adam Stacoviak:** That's my goal. I try to get out of my office - and I work from home, which I'm very fortunate - and I try really hard to design my day... Sometimes I bleed over, and those are the days I kind of walk out a little upset with myself for not doing so... But my North Star is always 5 o'clock, regardles... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Right. So if we're talking about applying this in terms of a relationship, you're saying "Look, I want to be a present dad and active dad, and that is evidenced by my availability or the time in which my family has access to me, and the way in which I participate with them." |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. Well, that also allows -- children thrive on consistency, they thrive on routines, and that's where they... They don't understand they're getting this, but that's where they get their shelter, that's where they get their comfort, that's where they get their protection, is those boundaries that... |
So on the personal and professional side I'm achieving goals that I set for me for professional reasons, but then also for personal reasons - that I can enable my family to believe in me and to rely upon me at that time. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** It's interesting even in you commenting about that, because you just articulated the way in which there's overlap between these goals. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** So if I'm optimizing in one way, it's also going to affect the other goals in my life. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** That's really interesting too, because I think so often people -- and I don't have any data to back this up, but my assumption is that people desire work/life balance; that's a really well-known thing. But I think that it's -- and this has been a several-year journey for me, to fully understand what... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Right. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** My goal is a happy family. We are a family-based business. For Jerod, if something comes up for him and it's family - do it, bro. I've got you. I've got your back, whatever needs to take place. And the same for him to me. Because that's our business' DNA, to be family-focused, to understand that fam... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** And that is an excellent question, because you're getting at this sense of commitment as it relates to constraints, and saying "If I don't manage all of these dimensions of my life, and the things that I care about are prioritized, then I might actually get to an outcome that I didn't real... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** \[24:15\] Right. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** But it means that you have to be deliberate around planning and going "What can I actually commit to?" Because if it's saying "I have this many conferences and I'm going to be gone ten times throughout the 12 months for an average of five days... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** That's 50 days, ish... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah. And so you have to look at "Can I make the commitment around this goal?" And I think it's interesting, because we can look in different lanes of life and sports... People talk about the upside and all the glory, and here's what you get when you are at a professional level, or competi... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Right. Well, I think some of this might even bleed into the understanding of identity... Because I know who I am, so maybe in the case of an athlete - I'm not saying this is the case for all athletes, but most athletes that are in that age or that performance bracket usually are single. Or they're n... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Their season is nine months long and they literally go from New Zealand, to Canada, to South America, to the U.S. somewhere, and they're literally all over the map, all year long, and that's just not the case. Back to the point I'm trying to make here is the identity piece, because I know -- my iden... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah. And this is why, if you set up goals that are inconsistent with your identity, that you are less apt to achieve them. We talk about things being ego-syntonic or ego-dystonic. Like it fits with who you say you are, or it doesn't and it's more abrasive... So we all make decisions aroun... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Right. There's some lines you won't cross, essentially. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah, so it's meant saying no to other professional opportunities, because I prioritized my family and my commitment to them... Because I only get 18(ish) years, and then that chapter. So I try to be very deliberate around the activities, and really savoring the times that I have with my f... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** \[27:59\] And being present is so important, especially when it comes to -- I mean, any relationship really, but specifically with a spouse or children... Because being present and being aware - you can be in the moment with a loved one... Let's just say kids. But if you're tied to Twitter, or your ... |
That doesn't mean, "Oh, guilt trip forever. Be present every single moment." It just means be aware of where you're not putting your value in... And if those moments are truly valuable, then find ways to say no to things, potentially even dealing with addiction. Addiction to an app, for example; addiction to that dopam... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Right. |
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