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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p116_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p116_m4-dialogue_0096809
[S1] That's the thing that everybody gets wrong about confidence. It's not a feeling. Confidence is an action, and it's a skill of in life when you want to try something, making yourself just take the action. That's what builds it. [S2] Yeah. Exactly. [S1] Okay. Uh, couple questions about bullying. [S2] Mm. [S1] My son...
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p116_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p116_m4-dialogue_0096810
[S1] Um, what do I say? I, I never knew there was bullying in college actually, so. [S2] Really? That surprises you? [S1] Yes. [S2] You've never heard that there's hazing? Hazing is basically- [S1] Oh, well, hazing, yeah. [S2] Well, that's basically what you sang. He's getting hazed. [S1] Oh, well, are they hazing him?...
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[S1] Yeah, I hope not. I think it's horrendous. [S2] I think it is horrendous too. [S1] I think it's, it's illegal. It should be. Here's my concern. This mom knows he's being bullied. [S2] So he's told his mom. [S1] Correct. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Which means he's probably not told her the extent of it. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And ...
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[S1] My radar is apparent, is now up. [S2] Right. [S1] And I would think that it's more serious than they're leading on. [S2] Right. [S1] And it's gotten to the point where they don't know what to do about it. [S2] Right. [S1] And so I would ask very leading questions. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Are you telling me everything? Are...
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[S1] He may not be telling you everything because he doesn't, he's scared about you getting involved. And, you know, you were really, really little. I mean, you were like in sixth grade or something, so. [S2] Yeah, I was young. [S1] Um, you didn't have the full context of somebody who's in college, but even in college,...
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p116_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p116_m4-dialogue_0096814
[S1] And this is unsafe. And so, yes, I agree with that. And I appreciate you saying something, Oak. I love you. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I just, I, I, I just, I know it really shaped you. [S2] Mm, it did, yeah. [S1] Um, we already covered that one. Oh, oh, oh, I'm having a really hard time. Does it really ge...
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[S1] It will 100% get better. I can promise you that it will get better. I was at a very low point in my life, uh, two years ago, sophomore year. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Yeah. And I had the same mentality of, "Oh my God, I'm gonna feel this way forever and it's never gonna go away." And... [S2] You need some water. [S1] Yeah...
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[S1] Yeah, it is. [S2] You always steal Dad's stuff. [S1] Because he has the best stuff. Oh, it's great. Um, okay. Uh, yeah, it will 100% get better. I can promise you that. Um, sophomore year, I was in a really dark place and my mentality was, well, if I have this mindset now, why would it ever go away? [S2] Mm-hmm. [...
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[S1] Well, uh, I think everybody in our family has anxiety, right? [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] I feel like they do. [S2] Well, there's, first of all, anxiety's a part of life. [S1] Yeah, it is a part of life. [S2] Mm-hmm. It's when it's chronic and everybody in our family has gone through periods where they've been stuck in a s...
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[S1] But the best way to support somebody with anxiety is just, like, you gotta be a bit of a rock for them, you know? You gotta let them know that you're there for them when they need you. And that sometimes you can't be there all the time, but it's important to let them know that you can be there to listen and that t...
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[S1] What are, um, some of your tips for how to deal with anxiety? Because you've struggled with anxiety. We have a profound number of questions from young adults, teenagers, college students. [S2] Something that always works, which is hard to do when you're anxious. Like, I get it. It's hard to take a chill, but to si...
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[S1] Okay. [S2] So like, I sit. [S1] Yep. [S2] And I plant my hands on my, my thighs. I sit up straight. [S1] Okay. [S2] And then I take a few deep breaths with my eyes open. I do like the- [S1] With your eyes open? [S2] ... the table drill, but I don't know if I could do that right now on the podcast. [S1] What's a ta...
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[S1] I don't know if that, I don't know if I can do that right now. [S2] Sure, do it. [S1] Okay, I guess we're doing it. I'll do it for you. So what you do is you plant your feet, put your hands on your thighs or wherever, wherever, just like somewhere where they stop moving. [S2] Okay. [S1] And then you just like look...
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[S1] And so, once you get down the line, you're going to go back to the beginning. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And you're going to ask, "Do you have any wisdom for me?" And sometimes, I like to think that the wisdom is just like the first thought that comes to my mind when I'm asking them. So you look at them, you imagine their ...
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[S1] And then when you feel ready, you can open your eyes and you can look around and appreciate your area. I already feel very, like, grounded now. [S2] I do too. [S1] But it's- [S2] Who's at your table? [S1] I, I don't know. I don't, I'm not gonna tell you. It's my- [S2] Why? [S1] It's a little secret from me. [S2] A...
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[S1] So, I think it's always good. And I always, it's the, that exercise is always supposed to make you like feel connected to people. And sometimes when you're anxious, you feel alone and disconnected. And so that's a good way to feel connected to people if you're not with them in that moment. [S2] That was beautiful....
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[S1] Yeah, I love sharing my, uh, 18-year-old, uh, brain with you. [S2] Well, you're the best. And you know what? You're the best. Thank you for being here and spending time with us. And in case no one else tells you, I'm gonna tell you that I love you. [S1] I love you too. [S2] And I believe in you. [S1] I believe in ...
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[S1] Hey, YouTube, if you love this, you're going to love her too. [S2] I bet. [S1] Hit it right here.
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[S1] ... Ali Webb, to the Mel Robbins Podcast. [S2] I mean, it's just such an honor to be here. I can't believe it. [S1] Well, let me, let me just start by saying one thing.
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[S1] I had no business being in business. [S2] Yeah. [S1] That's why I wanted to talk to you. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Because that is a story and a lot of women tell themselves that story. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] I have no business being in business. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] I didn't go to college. I don't, I, I didn't even graduate from...
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[S1] had no business, quote, going in business because they didn't get an MBA. And one of the reasons why I wanted to talk to you and have everybody hear your story is because so many people listening, 194 countries, so many people listening or watching on YouTube have a desire to start something. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And...
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[S1] from a hairdresser that didn't go to college with three young kids who had no- [S2] Two. [S1] Two young kids that have no business being in business. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Uh, building $100 million company.
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[S1] I said, "I think I want to go to beauty school." And he was like, "I think you should." He's like, "You're really good with people and you love hair." And I was like, "I know. I should just do that." And I went, when I told my mom and dad, it was a very different conversation. They were like, "Really?" You know, a...
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[S1] Right. [S2] Screw that. [S1] Well, there's this whole, uh, body of research, uh, around the fact that if you lean into something you already love, whether it's video games or it's music- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... that you will be more successful more because you will naturally want to spend more time working at it becau...
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[S1] Yeah, it's like, you know, it's like that cliche, which I know it's so cliche, but it's like if you, you know, if you love what you do, it doesn't feel like work. Like that is actually true. [S2] Yes. [S1] You know? I moved to New York City. I thought I wanted to do something in fashion. I ended up getting into ha...
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[S1] ... with that. [S2] Yeah. [S1] I think that's a beautiful thing. [S2] Yeah. And I was, like, this is what I want to do. I met Cam. I was jumping around from, like, career to career, like you do when you're 20. [S1] Waiting to have babies. [S2] Yeah, waiting to find my husband and have babies. [S1] Okay. [S2] Truly...
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[S1] We moved from New York City to LA and I became a stay-at-home mom. And I just started to kind of, the, around the time where my kids were about two and four, I started to get the itch to do something for myself. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And I was like, when I was in LA, I was a stay-at-home mom and I was just starting to g...
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[S1] Because I had so much experience doing hair and blowouts and I was like, "I don't want to go back to the salon and cut hair and do all that." And I was like, "Maybe I should start," I had just moved to LA and I was like, "Maybe I should start a mobile blowout business." I knew it was expensive to get a blowout in ...
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[S1] ... like another 80 bucks. You're like, and then you're sitting in the chair and you have to look like the, the idiot who's like, "I don't want to, I can't pay another $40." I just hated that whole, the, the whole- [S2] Gotcha. [S1] ... uncomfortableness.
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[S1] So, so there's a couple things I wanna, I wanna just tease out to make sure- [S2] Yes. [S1] ... that you got because Ali has already dropped major wisdom as you've been listening to her. And I want you to notice that when she was talking about working in a salon, that the blowout came and somebody came alive. [S2]...
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[S1] Something in you lit up. You spoke faster, you were impassioned, you were energized, and that's an important thing to highlight because for so many of you that listen, that are looking for that idea or wanting to do something more. [S2] That's right. [S1] One of the big things that you write out in, you write abou...
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[S1] ... that the things that you are energized by, that you would do all day long, that make you come alive, as dumb as it may sound, or as much as your family might poo-poo it, like, "What? You're gonna go to beauty school? What?" [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] That's really an important piece of data when it comes to finding an ...
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[S1] Yeah, I, I love that you pointed that out. And I felt like when we started Dry Bar, you know, again, I was like, I was itching to do something. I was like excited to get out of the house and like do something for myself. But when we like opened the door, I mean, even when we were in the planning phase, like I love...
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[S1] But, and I want to slow this down because your story is so accessible. [S2] Mm. It is. [S1] You stop yourself over and over and over again. You think, "I should go to beauty school." And everyone's like, "No, no, no, no, no," so you don't do it. Then you think, "I love, but I love hair, and, and maybe I'll do some...
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[S1] ... decision at a time. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Instead of arguing against what she wanted, she simply was like, "Fuck it. Okay, why don't I try it?" [S2] Yeah. [S1] And so you're sitting there, you're in your 30s, you have two young kids, you are thinking, "Maybe I'll just start a mobile blow-drying business." [S2] [LA...
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[S1] I think I want to start a mobile blowout business. And by the way, she had curly hair too and used to always ask me to blow out her hair. [S2] Okay. [S1] So she, she knew because we were so close. And so she's like, "I think that's a great idea." [S2] What year is this? [S1] This is, um, 2000 and I guess the boys ...
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[S1] ... actually make any money because between gas and like, I didn't make any money. But who cares because it led to Dry Bar, right? But at the time, I was so happy still because then I got like a big duffel bag to get there. I threw like all of my hair shit in a bag and I was like, "Okay, I'll be over." And so I wo...
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[S1] So, I start going to do women's ho- to do women's hair, and another big key insight that I didn't realize I was learning while I was learning it was that I would usually go to these women's homes and be in like their living room or kitchen, rarely in someone's personal bathroom. You know, it's like they didn't kno...
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[S1] ... stylist and I can just do my thing and work it out and make sure it looks good. [S2] Right. [S1] And she doesn't have the pressure of sta- who wants to stare at themselves in a mirror for 45 minutes? It's like, as women, as humans, really, it's like you start dissecting yourself. Like, "Oh, I look tired. I don...
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[S1] How long did you do the mobile business before you're like, "There's something here." [S2] Yeah. For about a, a little, a little less than a year. I, because I got so busy and I was like, "Shit, I'm saying no." More than, I'm starting to say no, no more than I'm saying yes because back to the kids, I could really ...
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[S1] I feel like I should turn my mobile business into a brick and mortar. My brother is also bald and like a dude. And he was like, "What? Why can't women blow out their own hair?" And I'm like, "No." I'm like, "Didn't you remember growing up with me and like the crazy," whatever. [S2] Yeah. [S1] But I got him on boar...
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[S1] Hmm. And it was so cool because it was such a level set of skills. 'Cause Michael was always, like, really good student, just naturally really smart and whatever, and I wasn't. But now, here I'm coming with this, like, I know this business and you don't. So you need to learn this part from me, and I need to learn ...
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[S1] All of it. Like the good, the bad, and the ugly. Everything that happens in hair salons. [S2] And I want to pause right there, and let me tell you why. Because we also discount the fact that everything that you've done along the way- [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] ... is also filling your brain with- [S1] 100%. [S2] ... experi...
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[S1] Right. [S2] Because you're always learning and experiencing things and saying, "I wouldn't do it this way, or I would do it this way, or I wanted to do it this way, or I want it." And so, these are all such profound and important nuggets. [S1] I really believe everything I did in my life uniquely prepared me to si...
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[S1] ... is a hilarious sentence. Can, can, can I just say that? A blow dry empire. [S2] It's what Dry Bar is. [S1] A blow dry empire. [S2] Is it not? [S1] That is incredible. Like I, 'cause I don't think anybody would wake up and go, "You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna create a blow dry empire." [S2] I know. I,
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[S1] At, at the height of Dry Bar, I mean, probably even today, there's over 5,000 stylists that work for Dry Bar. [S2] And- [S1] You know, there was always this sense of, I, I can't tell you how many stories I'd hear from stylists who would come in and be like, "Uh, my boss is, like, doing drugs in the back, and nobod...
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[S1] ... how they were treated and how, you know, the, you know, the way that they were paid and all the things. [S2] It's a hard business. [S1] It's a hard business. And, you know, for us, we wanted to make it not like that. We wanted it to be like, you know, the way the dry bar structure was set up was that we were p...
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[S1] The big, like, reason this thing would work is because you could sit in anybody's chair, potentially, and get a great blowout. It might not be the exact way that Mel does it that you love, but you'll sit in Ally's chair and you'll be like, "Oh, this isn't like what I would've got, but I kinda like it." You know, '...
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[S1] ... iPhones. And it's like, again, it's lofty. But I think that like, you know, a woman comes in and she always gets her hair blown this way. [S2] It's true. [S1] And I'm like,
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[S1] ... and we're feeling, and that's why it got so massive, in my humble opinion. [S2] One thing that I just can't ... I can't underscore enough is the example that you are giving to the person listening on passion. [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] And there's a couple things I wanna point out here, and it's this.
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[S1] Passion is so personal, 'cause I don't give a shit about blowouts, honestly. Like I, I literally, I, there is no way I could have built this business. I can't manufacture passion into it. [S2] Of course, of course. [S1] And so I say that. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Because I think we're always looking for some big idea or fo...
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[S1] ... you back to the example that Ali is giving us. What do you talk about all the time? [S2] Mm-hmm, that you love. [S1] What would you do that, that if you could just do this and your bills were taken care of, you would do this all the time? And don't tell me you'd lay on your ass on a beach and drink margaritas....
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[S1] Yeah, I mean, you know, the learning is endless and it's like daily, truly. And it's like a laundry list of mistakes that I made. Michael and I ended up personally guaranteeing that loan, which was kind of the, the, um, the lease, which is not- [S2] It worked out for you. It did not work out for Chris and I that w...
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[S1] Yeah, no, I mean, it, it's true. It doesn't, it's not, it's, it's not, I mean, for us it was like we didn't have, I was like, "Sure, you can come after us personally. We have nothing." Like, "Good luck. Great. No problem." It was also in 2010, so it was the middle of a recession and the landlord was like, "Why do ...
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[S1] leaving, and then there's a person on the phone. Like, that's a trifecta that doesn't work. And I was like, "I don't want to be that business. This customer service is so big for me." And I was like, "I don't want to be like, excuse me, like the, the finger up, like, give me a second." [S2] Right. [S1] Like, ugh, ...
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[S1] Now, it was like, now it became, now it was like a real call center. So we had hundreds of people on the phone because, mind you, also, you can book on an app and you can book, like, on your computer, but 50% of the clientele, which is over millions, like, want to call on the phone, which is like, to me, I'm like-...
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[S1] ... person. [S2] I was like, "Please just, just go online." [S1] I don't want to, it's complicated. [S2] I know, 'cause they're like, "I wanna talk and I wanna find out." But, but it was annoying and it was like a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation 'cause you're like, "Hi, I wanna call." And I had ...
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[S1] ... and blowouts, it's super busy, it's popping, and I started to see, like, this, like, black goop come through our very white, beautiful tiled- [S2] What? Black goop? [S1] Goop. [S2] Like, swooping through the- [S1] I didn't know what it was. And I was like, "Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What is that? What is that?" ...
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[S1] It was like something from like the restaurant. It was like food. [S2] Oh. [S1] It was disgusting. [S2] It's like the waist trap. [S1] It was, I know, it was gross. But here's the funniest part of that story, is it like came down at like right in front of the first chair. So it didn't actually hit anybody, thank G...
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[S1] Great. [S2] What do you mean great? [S1] Like good. It means you're doing something that you haven't done before. Like, that's awesome. You know, I think it's funny, the whole, like, negative connotation on imposter syndrome. It's like, oh, because you're stepping into a role of something that you don't know and t...
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[S1] I was so scared, but I loved the feeling of like, "I'm gonna figure this out and I'm gonna, I'm gonna do it." You know? I felt like an imposter, sure. Like I didn't, I'd never done it before. I'd never been on live TV before. [S2] Right. [S1] But I was up for the challenge. [S2] So the title of the book is "The Me...
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[S1] ... where to start. [S2] Your marriage. [S1] [LAUGHS] Yeah. So I met Cam, like I said, when we were pretty young. We lived in New York City and I, as I mentioned, I was pretty driven to find the husband and make the babies, which I did. And, and Cam's an amazing man and we had,
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[S1] ... a beautiful friendship, really, which, which I now, in retrospect, realize was my parents' marriage, which is like crazy how you don't realize that until afterwards. My parents got divorced when they were in their 50s and turned out they didn't have a great marriage and they were, but they were best friends. T...
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[S1] It, it like that for you guys because, you know, when my husband and I worked together when my business first started, it nearly was the death of our marriage. [S2] Yeah. [S1] No question. Like we, it, all we talked about was either the kids or the business. [S2] Yeah. [S1] There was no marriage. [S2] Yeah. [S1] A...
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[S1] He and I having our own emotional connection. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And so we tried it and it was disastrous. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And so I am just curious, like, what was it like for you guys and how long was it, sort of, just, you guys were business partners and you both knew that that was the one thing other than your t...
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[S1] I mean, we knew the whole time, truly. I don't think it was the business. I can see, make sense what you're saying, but even, I mean, Kim tried to call the wedding off a month before the wedding. [S2] Really? [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] What was that like?
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[S1] So wait, you guys were together, you got married, and after six months you never had sex again? [S2] We didn't never have sex, but not often. [S1] Define not often. [S2] I mean, just- [S1] Like once a year? [S2] Not once a year. We did. It just- [S1] Well, I'm just looking for a baseline for myself. I mean, what- ...
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[S1] We were, we had sex like every day, multiple times a day. And I was like, "Oh, this is what it's supposed to be like." And I was like, "This is not my marriage. This was not my first marriage." And so I was like, "Holy shit." And I, I, I instinctively knew in somewhere in, in my body, in my mind that like, I don't...
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[S1] ... person, like, what's the deal here? And so I ended my marriage, my first marriage, and I, [LAUGHS] but three weeks later, I was dating, and I was, like, you know, experimenting. [S2] Wait, three weeks, hold on. [S1] I know. [S2] Three weeks after you said, "I want a divorce," or three weeks after the divorce w...
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[S1] But I was like, you know, in this like, nothing going on marriage for a long time. [S2] Yes. [S1] So I was like, and I mean, I was a, I was a disaster. I was like, I was a, I was a disaster. But I was like, I wanna go see what's out there and, you know, and- [S2] You're allowed to experiment. [S1] I, and that's wh...
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[S1] Adrian and we fell in love very fast and furious and it was like, you know, we were together five months before COVID hit and then it was like, then the relationship got very fast-tracked and then that would cause a lot of problems, which would, you know, ultimately cause the demise of that marriage, you know, whi...
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[S1] It's funny now, in retrospect, like when I think back on it and I think about things I wish I had done differently and things I had, wish I had noticed and, and him too, I think he would say that like we didn't, we should have paid more attention and closer attention to like what wasn't right for both of us, which...
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p117_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p117_m4-dialogue_0232492
[S1] You know, you know, "The Runaway Bride," the movie? [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And you know how, like, that there's, like, kind of a famous scene where she's like, "I don't know how I like my eggs. Like, I like my eggs the way he likes his eggs." You know, it's like you become so enmeshed in the men that you're with, and t...
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[S1] Well, here, here's the thing I, I would point out, 'cause I, first of all, I think it's pretty awesome that you're willing to talk very openly about something that is just unfolding and that you're willing to reflect on your part in this. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And
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[S1] I think the, the, the interesting thing about this is that the difference between a business is that you can jump full force into a business and let it be your identity. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] When you do that in a relationship, it's really hard- [S2] With humans. [S1] ... to find yourself again. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And ...
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[S1] I mean, you know, I've been on the floor the last few months, you know, and it's like, it was such a, oh my God, like, oh my God. [S2] Was it worth it? [S1] Yes. Oh my gosh, yes. You know, there's still grief and it still hurts. [S2] Oh, I'm sure. You're not even done with the divorce yet. [S1] Yeah. So, but, but ...
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[S1] Add one piece of advice, because a lot of people jump from a relationship or a marriage right into another one. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Having crashed and burned, if you add one piece of advice that you learned the hard way, to anyone jumping into a relationship, particularly where the new partner has kids. [S2] Mm-hmm....
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[S1] You know, I know this won't sound like much to you, but having been like single for almost five months now is a long time for me. Like I've not been single for that long in a, since I was like 26 years old, really. [S2] Does single mean like alone or single mean just like not dating? [S1] Like not dating, you know...
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[S1] ... to be in a relationship. Dude, you are, you are months out of and not even done with a divorce. You have gajillions of dollars. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] You have a propensity to jump into something because it's passionate. There is nothing more addictive than hot sex with a new person. Uh-huh. [S2] [LAUGHS]
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[S1] But I mean- [S2] If I, if I were your therapist, which I am not, I, if I, if I could wave a magic wand, I'd be like, "Ally Webb shall never get married again." [S1] Well, that's-
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[S1] You should not be dating people. You cannot trust yourself, and you do not need to be in a relationship. And now I'm talking to you like a girlfriend- [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] ... who literally keeps doing the same shit over and over again. [S2] I hear you. And I, you know, and I don't-
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[S1] No. I mean, listen, I hear you. I don't know- [S2] Don't be fucking calling me when you are like, "I did it again." [S1] I, I, trust me, I am not jumping back into a relationship. I'm just- [S2] I don't believe you. [S1] I, I, I'm not. There's no relationship on the table. There's nothing to speak of right now. Tr...
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[S1] See, I know. [S2] So- [S1] I mean, listen, I hear that that's like, everybody says that, like you need a year. I don't know that I totally agree with that. I'm saying I need time and I'm not gonna jump back into a relationship. I'm not gonna get married again. I'm, I know a lot of red flags, but I also, like, I'm ...
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[S1] I know, but, okay, I hear you. And, and I, it's so interesting because I know- [S2] I, it's amazing to me how much you're pushing back on this. [S1] Because I think- [S2] You were in a marriage that literally almost got called off a week or a month beforehand. You knew in your heart you were with the wrong person,...
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[S1] I, I know. I, and I want the best for me too. And I'm gonna, I'm gonna go at the pace that feels right for me. And I don't, I don't think there's like a, it has to be a year, it has to be six months, it has to be five years. Like, I'm gonna see where it lands for me. [S2] Okay. [S1] I'm gonna be cautiously optimis...
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[S1] You probably don't even remember sending this to me 'cause you were in a- [S2] Oh, no. We may have to cut this out. [S1] We might. No, no, no. It's okay. It's, it's not, it's a short text. I just wanted to ask you why, like, what it was about. Um, it's very, very, very short text. I'm not gonna read any of our lon...
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[S1] Pretty much. Like we had, we had texted back and forth about business. [S2] On Instagram. [S1] And all of a sudden, in May, you texted me, "Dear Mel, my husband of one year just asked me for a divorce and I'm beside myself with grief. I have a feeling you might have some wisdom here." [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And I thoug...
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[S1] a very brave thing to do. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] To reach out in a moment like that to somebody that you hadn't met and that doesn't know the story or anything and just ask for advice. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And I just was curious about that moment for you. [S2] [SIGHS] I had watched a lot of your stuff and I,
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[S1] Okay, no problem. And you, you were really gracious and responded to me and have, you know, became a friend and really helpful. And, and by the way, that is a big piece of advice I give to people in the, in the business realm of like, it, it, the worst they can say is no or they don't respond. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] No...
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[S1] Well, I think sometimes it's easier to talk to people who aren't involved. [S2] That's true. That's, that's true. [S1] You know, 'cause you don't feel the judgment and you don't feel like you have to manage how I'm gonna feel about it. [S2] That's true.
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[S1] Well, I like the fact that you showed up here. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] That you were willing to talk about the messy stuff. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And it's also a cautionary tale about how it's easy to lose yourself. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And I'm really, really proud of you. [S2] Thank you. [S1] For the work that you're doing. [S...
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[S1] ... the more important piece. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Which is your well-being and your happiness as a whole person. [S2] Yeah. That's the goal. [S1] Ali Webb. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] You're amazing. [S2] Thank you. This was amazing. [S1] Thank you.
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[S1] Lots of farts today. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] Scratching, itching, pooping. Somebody get the preparation age. Well, it's someone's life story. Where, okay, I don't know. I, I had it really good. It was like, what did I say? All right, let me do one more to see if I can get it tighter. Okay, good enough. YouTube, thanks ...
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[S1] It's just easier to make everybody else happy. It's just easier to do it myself. It's just easier not to say something. [S2] I overheard my dad. He just made a comment, like, I wanted a son who was an engineer. And then I heard my mom saying, "Wow, I missed my calling f- to become a doctor." I became an engineer a...
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[S1] Uh, because we don't feel grounded. We don't feel centered. We don't know how we're making decisions. We're just going whichever way the world is going. And boy, these days, the world is going in a lot of directions. [S2] I literally, when you said you're like a driftwood in the ocean going in whatever direction, ...
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[S1] ... that I am such an overwhelming force. [S2] Mm. [S1] And what you're talking about is that you can become a yes to outside forces and not even realize how much you're doing it, and you lose your ability to make decisions or even to know yourself.
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[S1] I would never have labeled my husband a people pleaser. [S2] Mm. [S1] But when I think about how he kind of goes through life or has until recently, he was very focused on making sure everybody else was okay and he put himself last. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And is that the same thing as people pleasing? Or is people plea...
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[S1] So that you can keep that relationship intact. So I think all of these have spectrums, right? [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] What I'd say is, at the end of the day, what you really want is that you're able to take input from the outside world, but when it's time to make a decision, you turn up the, the voice, the sound of your...
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[S1] At the beginning of my life, 100%. First three and a half decades of my life, 110%, the scale was tipped so far on one side. I'm a healer, right? I'm a doctor, I'm a coach. The, all of these come from that place. It's such a good intention- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... to serve.
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p119_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p119_m4-dialogue_0408004
[S1] is when you describe that story of being a little girl and your parents sent you to live with your grandparents and you didn't understand why. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Can you unpack that for us? Because I had a very similar, like, visceral experience when you heard that. When you, when I heard you say that story, I had ...
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audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p119_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p119_m4-dialogue_0408004.mp3
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