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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p156_m4-dialogue_0232629 | [S1] So for the person listening, I know what they're now thinking. Okay, great. I gotta get the book, but how do I find my own Dr. Haver? Like, what, how do you, I'm dead serious about this. [S2] Right. [S1] How do you prepare yourself to go in to your doctor? [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And how do you find somebody who has bee... | 21.28 | 3.389646 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p156_m4-dialogue_0232629.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p156_m4-dialogue_0232630 | [S1] I will link to absolutely everything that you've recommended, including how to find you, find the book, uh, and reach out to you in all the resources for this show. [S2] Awesome. [S1] Do you have any final words of wisdom to the person listening? | 15.16 | 3.34555 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p156_m4-dialogue_0232630.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p156_m4-dialogue_0232631 | [S1] ... find this power, to put themselves first, for the first time in their adult lives. Their give a shit factor goes away. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] They don't care anymore. They are embracing who they are. And I love that about us. You know, I'm more successful. I never could have done this in my 30s, you know, th- what... | 24.32 | 3.47741 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p156_m4-dialogue_0232631.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926842 | [S1] And after leaving Quest Nutrition, Lisa is now the co-founder and president of Impact Theory Studios. She's a New York Times best-selling author. Her YouTube channels and all the shows that they launch have billions of views, and she is here today to be with you and me. So please help me welcome the remarkable Lis... | 27.16 | 3.480785 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926842.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926843 | [S1] I am so excited that you're here. [S2] It's changed some lives. [S1] Let's change some lives. So I want to go back to the beginning of your story because when people tune in to the shows that you produce, they pick up a Quest bar, they see you on the cover of your New York Times bestseller, Radical Confidence, you... | 27.68 | 3.398805 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926843.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926844 | [S1] ... that you're probably intimidating to a lot of people. So take us back to the beginning. [S2] All right. [S1] And tell us a little bit about Lisa being a little girl over in the UK and what you dreamt about doing and the kind of family environment you grew up in. | 14 | 3.3232 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926844.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926845 | [S1] It's patted on the head a lot, like I said. [S2] Really? Like, literally tap, tap, tap? [S1] Like, literally tap, tap, tap, tap on the head t- multiple times. Um, | 8.16 | 3.283074 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926845.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926846 | [S1] I was bullied and teased as a kid for my looks and being short and a big nose and a unibrow and I had to like a head brace that went all the way around the plate- [S2] Oh my God. [S1] Dude. [S2] A head brace. I remember head braces. [S1] Oh my, I wish I had a photo. | 14.88 | 3.246511 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926846.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926847 | [S1] But I refused to let anyone take a photo of me with a head brace. So I go to school, I get teased and bullied. I go home, I can lose myself in anything. You watch a movie, it impacts your life. It can change how you feel, it can change how you see things. It was just magical to me. So I wanted to be a part of that... | 24.56 | 3.317043 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926847.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926848 | [S1] Now, here's the thing. I hope people can see your face. If you're on podcast, Mel looks horrified right now, people. Now, here's the thing. Think about where my dad came from. Everyone has a belief system. Remember how I said that earlier? [S2] Yes. [S1] My dad's belief system was he grew up in a tiny mountain in,... | 24.2 | 3.285886 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926848.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926849 | [S1] So all the kids growing up, there was no school. So the age of 12, they would choose, I think it was like four kids from the village that would then be taken for an education. They didn't choose women 'cause contraception didn't exist. So women just got pregnant. So they're like, "Well, we won't give a woman an ed... | 28.44 | 3.137731 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926849.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926850 | [S1] Let's highlight this for a minute. Because when it's happening to you, you are so offended and angered and frozen in the moment. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And yet it is so easy to forget that the world that your parents grew up in doesn't exist anymore. [S2] Correct. [S1] But they still live | 21.2 | 3.29463 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926850.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926851 | [S1] Based on the conditioning, the experiences, the good, the bad, from that world. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And yet we just have this expectation that somehow | 10.84 | 3.371661 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926851.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926852 | [S1] Every human being is going to magically transform and magically think differently, even though they have had generational conditioning. And that is not to excuse. [S2] No. [S1] Any kind of abusive or terrible or toxic behavior or excuse what your dad just said to you, but you've just offered up this framework wher... | 25.84 | 3.357944 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926852.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926853 | [S1] Yeah, it's what I call a frame of reference. It is so helpful. When people say anything to me from now on, and it's not even just offensive, like if someone says something, it's like, "Oh, what's their frame of reference in this saying that?" Like, what would have to be true? Like, imagine movie scripts, right? [S... | 26.84 | 2.988994 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926853.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926854 | [S1] I don't, it takes a lot of time and energy to go through someone's frame of reference. [S2] Yes. [S1] But when it's a parent, when it's a friend, why are they actually saying it? What is it that has taught them to believe that thing that they're saying to you? So you said earlier about how people said to you, like... | 27.72 | 3.317975 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926854.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926856 | [S1] But that's my point. We take offense to, um, criticism when sometimes the criticism is true. And so- [S2] It's true. [S1] And so what I go is, instead of it being criticism, what can I learn from it? So if my dad said to me, and I didn't have this frame of reference at the time, but I do now, if my dad said to me,... | 29.68 | 3.063535 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926856.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926857 | [S1] Because it's not that they don't believe in you, they believe in the laws of physics, if you will. If you haven't taught yourself something, how are you going to know it? [S2] Right. [S1] So I just go, "Oh, he's got a point." And so instead of taking offense to it, instead of making that detrimental to my self-est... | 24.6 | 3.198083 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926857.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926858 | [S1] ... to get hooked and triggered emotionally. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] When somebody else's frame of reference is not the same as yours. [S2] Correct. [S1] And we walk around thinking that absolutely everybody that we meet, our parents and our friends included, have the same level of therapy, have the same way of thinking... | 24 | 3.2258 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926858.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926859 | [S1] And people don't. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And we make assumptions about that. And then we are pissed off, or we are emotionally triggered, or we are devastated when it doesn't match what we want to hear. If it's okay, can we take some time to really unpack it for the person that's listening? [S2] Yeah, let's go deep. | 20.56 | 3.319273 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926859.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926860 | [S1] Yeah, absolutely. So frame of reference really is how someone perceives the world, the words they use, and actions. So when somebody comes in and yells, if you've come from a family of abusive, verbally abusive family, let's say, where you've just, yelling actually triggers you, if someone comes in and yells, your... | 23 | 3.135568 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926860.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926861 | [S1] You're talking, it's literally like I'm talking Chinese and you're talking, you know, English, and we're not understanding each other because our, our entire perception of words, actions, and behaviors are all based on our own beliefs of gro- from growing up. [S2] Got it. [S1] Does that make sense? | 17 | 3.375743 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926861.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926862 | [S1] Yes. And if you, and the reason why this is powerful is because if you understand in your example that you're not triggered by yelling because your association growing up in a very loud, "Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah," kind of family is that's the sound of a full house. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] But somebody else may expe... | 28.16 | 3.319485 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926862.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926863 | [S1] You know, I would imagine that most couples therapy is nothing but a therapist trying to tease out people's frames of reference, which is their conditioning. [S2] Correct. [S1] From their life experience, which then leads to your beliefs. [S2] Yes. [S1] And this needs to be shouted from the rooftops because what y... | 24.8 | 3.365533 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926863.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926864 | [S1] Someone else to treat you poorly. What you're talking about is developing a skill where you do not allow other people's frame of reference or other people's emotions or other people's opinions to derail you. [S2] Yes. [S1] And at the same time, because you're not derailed, because you're not emotionally triggered,... | 29.68 | 3.382015 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926864.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926865 | [S1] And obviously, this is a lot of work, so you do it with the people you care about. Like, it's hard to do with strangers. [S2] Yeah. [S1] But even so, it's a way to not be emotionally hooked. Now, we're in a story where you're probably 16, 17 years old and you feel run over by, you know, a, a train at the moment. [... | 29.16 | 3.361021 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926865.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926866 | [S1] So, do you study film in the UK? [S2] Yeah, so I studied film, yeah. I've got a degree in movie making and- [S1] And so, is there like a lot of eye-rolling in your house or what happened once you started down the path? [S2] Um, I think my dad, so it's funny how traditional families are. They'll push you to get a, ... | 18.52 | 3.38074 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926866.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926867 | [S1] That's his frame of reference. [S2] Correct. So, when he said, "Okay, fine, go to college," he'd just been like, "Ah, okay, three years, she's gonna meet someone, she's gonna get married." So there was no eye-rolling because for him, he already thought, "Well, she's gonna find a guy, get married, and it won't matt... | 26.44 | 3.124386 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926867.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926868 | [S1] 'Cause he already had in his mind a different frame of reference. [S2] Correct. [S1] This is gonna work out anyway. [S2] Yeah. [S1] 'Cause I know what happens here because my frame of reference is she gets married. [S2] Correct. [S1] And it's such a fabulous tool because everybody in your family has a frame of ref... | 29.16 | 3.239088 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926868.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926869 | [S1] You're not gonna, you're gonna get married anyway. [S2] Yeah. [S1] It's always like right there, hanging around. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Just kinda chirping in your ear. | 6.92 | 3.062491 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926869.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926870 | [S1] Yeah, except you can, you can take earrings out at the end of the day. You can't take the thought out of it, you know, as easy. Um, but it's so true. Like it is, that voice echoes and you remember that stuff. The stuff that really stings is the stuff that you remember. [S2] True. [S1] And so it was repeating in my... | 29.8 | 3.027653 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926870.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926871 | [S1] So I was like, "This is dream come true. I get to go to America. I'm going to prove myself in eight weeks, and I'm going to get the five picture deal." Right? Like that's the- [S2] Yeah. [S1] That's the, the lie I'm telling myself. But the lie was helpful. [S2] Right. [S1] The lie propelled me forward, so I actual... | 16.72 | 3.054204 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926871.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926872 | [S1] And I'm like, "Dad, I know that I said that I'd finish college and I'd get a job, but I'd actually need a lot of money to go and study film in America for eight weeks." And so, again, we just argued, and eventually he's like, "As long as you promise me that when you come back, the first thing you're going to do is... | 25.68 | 3.345665 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926872.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926873 | [S1] And I'm in class. This is a school for adults, people, just to give context. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] I'm 21 years old, and I'm like, "My teacher is really smoking, and he's very talented, and I get very turned on by talent." And so he shows his movie, and I'm really interested, and he ignores me, Mel. And I'm like, "Go... | 28 | 2.944052 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926873.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926874 | [S1] You have four weeks left, baby, 'cause this is an eight week class. [S2] Yes. Look at her counting. But the last four weeks was practical. [S1] Okay. [S2] So I didn't have any more classes with him. You just have to go out and make your movie. [S1] Okay, great. [S2] So on the last day of my last class, it was like... | 25.12 | 3.217726 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926874.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926875 | [S1] Wealth. Wealth meant security. Um, having a guy that wore so much cologne was, you know, a, a, a, a, a, almost like a calling card, right? Like- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... I'd grown up with. And I open the door and m- this guy is standing there and he comes straight from work and his car's a mess and it's dirty and it's ... | 23.76 | 3.430032 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926875.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926876 | [S1] Well, what's interesting, and I want to stop here. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Is that this is an example of your frame of reference. [S2] Correct. Yes. [S1] Because your frame of reference growing up in just the neighborhood, in the community that you did, is that the cologne and the fancy cars and all those things is my fra... | 29.84 | 3.355612 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926876.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926877 | [S1] Exactly. And we went to like a B restaurant. [S2] It's a B restaurant. [S1] So, um, in California, I wasn't sure if it was worldwide or countrywide, you wait a restaurant and you have to put it legally on the front of your window. And so an A means that you're great. A B means- [S2] What? [S1] A B means, "Oh my Go... | 23.88 | 3.217349 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926877.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926878 | [S1] Yeah. So he takes me to a strip mall restaurant on our first day with a B rating for health, and he starts asking me these crazy questions that I've never been asked before on a first date, 'cause I'm used to guys posturing. He didn't posture. He was just like, "Oh, so, uh, yeah, why do you believe in God?" And he... | 28.8 | 2.925146 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926878.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926879 | [S1] Exactly. And I was fascinated. I was like, "This guy isn't posturing. He doesn't care what his clothes look like. He actually wants to know what I'm interested in. He's not just trying to, like, create conversation for conversation's sake." And I was mesmerized. And I'm thinking, "This is going to be the best holi... | 29.84 | 3.33749 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926879.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926880 | [S1] I literally thought, "This is a great story to tell." Now, on the other side, he had just come out of a relationship where the girl got a little clingy. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] So he's thinking, "Great, she has to legally leave the country 'cause she's only here on a visa." [S2] I'm gonna have a hot plate. [S1] Exactly.... | 19.96 | 3.346953 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926880.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926881 | [S1] Another person's opinions, emotions, expectations, and the example was your dad. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] So understanding, in hindsight, that his frame of reference is growing up on a mountain, the toilet's a hole in the floor, only four boys from the village get to go to school, every girl in the village, because there... | 29.68 | 3.361047 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926881.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926882 | [S1] Yes, and we are so quick to defend our frame of reference as the right- [S2] Yes. [S1] ... way to look at something, and the only way to look at something, and that if you don't fit in this, you're out, or if you don't understand me, you're out. And so I think it's a very powerful self-awareness tool that you're e... | 19.72 | 3.342983 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926882.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926883 | [S1] What is going on? [S2] So eight weeks, eight weeks comes. [S1] Yes. [S2] And we, we literally, for four weeks, we're like, "It's fun, it's a fling, it's fun, it's a fling." And we're just seeing each other all the time. So it was like the last week and we go to, uh, Dockweiler Beach and we're making smores with hi... | 29.84 | 2.852083 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926883.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926884 | [S1] ... two weeks, and I was like, "Yeah." He didn't even have a passport. So in, like, two weeks, he booked a flight, got, like, an emergency passport. Didn't even have a suitcase. He took his, took his mom's pink suitcase. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] Like, I literally can still see him walking down the, like, the thing with ... | 23.4 | 3.129908 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926884.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926885 | [S1] What happened next? [S2] So, so Tom, he's going to ask you a thousand questions. Remember, he's just a Greek dad that cares about his daughter, so when he asks you questions, he just wants to know that you're good for me. So please, if you just come from, like, he's a father that cares, not that he hates you, righ... | 29.76 | 3.09195 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926885.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926886 | [S1] Here's the funny thing. Now, my dad didn't think it was gonna last. [S2] Oh. [S1] So he was like, "Yeah, I just thought, why rock the boat? I may as well say, okay." Tom meets my dad. He asks him barely even one question. [S2] Wait, your dad barely asked Tom any questions? [S1] Yes. So remember, I've set him up. | 20.52 | 3.167725 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926886.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926887 | [S1] I was unsure. I was like, yeah, I w- Well, the funny thing is, I didn't know it was a sign of what he was actually thinking. [S2] Oh. [S1] Because when someone acts out of accordance to what you expect, now, as having done all the mental work- [S2] Right. [S1] ... the first thing I would say to myself is, "If I wa... | 26.36 | 2.960686 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926887.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926888 | [S1] Or he has resentment towards him, or he has a threat. My dad is the center of my, you know, center of my attention. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And so if my dad doesn't approve of him, and now my attention is going elsewhere, could that be why? I didn't know, but those are kind of like you come up with conclusions. But agai... | 26.28 | 3.177781 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926888.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926889 | [S1] Now that, you know, I'm kind of at the age I am, I understand my mother's frame of reference now. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] But back then, I didn't. And there was this thing that happened between us that really pissed me off and hurt me. And it was this. As Chris and I got engaged, and as the wedding approached, my mom be... | 29.12 | 3.135901 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926889.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926890 | [S1] ... that is consistent with you being happy because you picked him for me. And you wanna know what she said? [S2] Yeah. [S1] She said, "I didn't pick him for you and I'm not happy." [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And I was so pissed. And then here's though what I started to piece together. And this is the interesting thing. Ev... | 27.76 | 3.297739 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926890.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926891 | [S1] My mom's family was too busy running a farm, so who's going to take care of 100 head of cattle? My dad's family's running a bakery. Nobody was flying around or traveling like they do today. Her frame of reference is, once you move away, you never see your family. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And so I can now use that tool an... | 28.84 | 3.410296 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926891.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926892 | [S1] A thousand percent. And what's interesting with everything that you just broke down is your mom probably wasn't even aware of her own frame of reference of why she was behaving like that. Because if you don't do the work, you know this, if you don't have a growth mindset, if you don't actually look to try to under... | 29.84 | 3.302323 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926892.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926893 | [S1] Yeah, actually, this probably best, yeah. [S2] And don't tell them. [S1] No, no, no, exactly. [S2] What you think their frame of reference is. [S1] Yes, do not know, because then the response will be, "Oh, you know me better than I know myself." It's like you're doing this for your own work so that you know how to... | 29.84 | 3.129838 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926893.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926894 | [S1] I love this so much, Lisa. This is so powerful because it is at the heart of every interaction and every relationship. And one thing I also want to say about this is it takes time. Do not just start regurgitating frame of reference, frame of reference, and assume that you're suddenly healed. [S2] Oh. [S1] This is ... | 29.64 | 3.413944 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926894.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926895 | [S1] Especially when you want to navigate in this space that we all need to learn how to navigate, which is where you are in relation to other people. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And so, what happens? He meets your dad. [S2] So, meets my dad, and he's very quiet, doesn't ask a lot of questions. | 19.36 | 3.444696 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926895.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926896 | [S1] I, Tom and I just get along so well. There's just something connection between us that we cannot describe. We just keep leaning into it. And this was before cell phones, so we would email each other. He'd come back to America, so we'd try to find ways to be together. [S2] Right. [S1] So I would come to America for... | 29.72 | 3.195704 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926896.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926897 | [S1] Being a very traditional Greek family that I have, I've always said to him it was very important that he gets my dad's blessing, if it ever happened. [S2] Yeah. [S1] So of course, Tom goes to my dad and sits down and says, "Andres, I love your daughter. I want to marry her." And my dad says, "No." [S2] [LAUGHS] Oh... | 19.96 | 3.176465 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926897.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926898 | [S1] You're so goofy, Matt. I can't believe you don't know this story. Yeah, my dad actually said no. So- [S2] What did Tom do? [S1] So first of all, what happened was he asks him, and my dad then had the thousand questions. [S2] Oh, now we're in. [S1] That's- that's- | 14.72 | 3.318379 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926898.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926899 | [S1] Now we're in. [S2] That's, that's when the thousand questions came up. What is your plan? How are you going to provide if you don't have a, like a, a job right now that's paying a lot? Like you live in a one, you know, an apartment. How are you, what about kids? If you have kids, what job are you going to have so ... | 26.88 | 3.265357 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926899.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926900 | [S1] And so Tom- [S2] Was the fact that Tom wasn't Greek also a big issue? [S1] Oh, that was like one of the biggest. [S2] Okay. [S1] That was actually the biggest. It was more the religion first, then it was the career path of how you're going to take care of me and the children that we're apparently going to have. Um... | 27.48 | 3.430146 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926900.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926901 | [S1] Wow. [S2] And so, Tom, when he proposed, he told me very honestly, "Your dad said no, but he's- and still knows that I- " So my dad, even after that, though, was very respectful. He paid for the wedding. He came to the wedding, like, he was very gracious. He was just, as I was talking to him, "I'm going to leave- ... | 27.48 | 3.151733 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926901.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926902 | [S1] But how do I navigate that with my dad, who doesn't want me to marry, who, who doesn't want me to go? So I stepped back and I said, "Okay, I can't have my dad dictate." But that was a thought, like a fleeting thought- [S2] Of course, and for a lot of people they do. [S1] Yeah. I'm just honest. I try not to hide ar... | 21.88 | 3.118277 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926902.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926903 | [S1] My dad, if I shut him down and I'm like, "I'm gonna do," right? We said it earlier. [S2] Yeah. [S1] "I'm go- I'm gonna do me. Don't who you- you think you are to tell me what to do." Like, "You go, girl." Like, all of that. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] Like, it isn't reality. [S2] True. [S1] Because the reality is, I did ca... | 27.36 | 3.003087 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926903.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926904 | [S1] But it may. But either way, I have to know I'm making this decision for myself. Otherwise, I won't forgive myself because I won't know if it works out or not. [S2] And here's the thing. What I love is that you are willing to make the decision with the mindset, "What if it does?" [S1] Yeah. [S2] What if it does wor... | 26.96 | 3.401556 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926904.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926905 | [S1] Now the thing with how you communicate that is that next step in like this, "Oh, humongous." Like, "Oh, I just got something really big." [S2] Okay. [S1] Oh my God. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. So in the scenario where you make a decision, | 15.96 | 3.14267 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926905.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926906 | [S1] And it turns out that it doesn't work out. [S2] Yes. [S1] And you come back with your tail between your legs and you're at that moment with your dad, right? [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Or anybody in your life who's like, "I told you so. See, I was right. Here's what I just got." | 19.48 | 3.336742 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926906.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926907 | [S1] they are meant to be a part of your story. [S2] I, a thousand percent agree, and I think what we instinctually do is if it fails, we then beat ourselves up and- [S1] And we think, | 9.12 | 3.113909 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926907.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926909 | [S1] And because I find myself, again, just knowing myself, I start blubbering when I don't have clarity. Well, you know, oh, well, it could be it. That means you don't have clarity. So have clarity in why you are making a decision so that you can articulate it. So when it came to having kids, it was really hard becaus... | 25.32 | 3.412973 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926909.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926910 | [S1] Like, the neurons in my brain have rewired. I think differently. I have different ambitions, different hobbies. I'm not that person that I was when I met Tom. And so, do I actually want children? And I just had to ask myself the question. Now, what's weird is, a lot of people may, uh, resonate with this, whether i... | 21.8 | 3.306881 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926910.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926911 | [S1] having a little tum running around. Because the truth is, I think we can all get caught up in the idea of the glory of something. [S2] Right. [S1] Build a business. The glory is you make so much money, you never have to worry about money. Have kids. The glory is that you never have to do anything when you're older... | 24.72 | 3.119593 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926911.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926912 | [S1] But what does that look like in reality? So I call it, what does your average Wednesday look like? Like actually a Wednesday. [S2] Yeah. [S1] What does it actually look like if you're working and you've got kids? If you're not working and you have kids? If you don't have kids and you're working? Like every possibl... | 29.8 | 2.822583 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926912.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926913 | [S1] Exactly. What would have, what would have to be true for me to cut gluten and go to art school at the same time? All right, well, my husband's a baker, so I have to tell him to either make gluten-free bread, right? Like, yeah. [S2] Right. [S1] Then it takes you into action. [S2] Yes. [S1] Of what you actually have... | 23.96 | 3.407407 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926913.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926914 | [S1] So- [S2] Frame of reference. [S1] Frame of reference. So on my average Wednesday, I took him and his thoughts, and I said, "Cool. He's not waking up in the middle of the night." So either I am, or I have a nanny. How do I feel about that? Well, I don't really want a stranger in my house. Okay, so Lisa, you're waki... | 26.96 | 3.005682 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926914.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926915 | [S1] Right? And you can see- [S2] You know what's interesting about listening to you unpack this? Is that if you're somebody who wants kids, or you're like me and you already have them, my frame of reference answering every one of those questions is completely different than Lisa's. [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] And yet, two thing... | 27.44 | 3.368206 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926915.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926916 | [S1] ... them this company, and we take them around the facilities. And we, at that point, had 300,000 facility, uh, 300,000 square feet. We had 3,000 employees. [S2] Wow. [S1] 3,000, 'cause we were manufacturing. And so we take my dad around, these 300,000 square feet, and you walk into the facility mill, and it looke... | 25.68 | 3.33427 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926916.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926917 | [S1] And you respect that that's their frame of reference, and then you go and you make the decisions that really empower you. People do change. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And you've now just not shamed somebody into doing it. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] But he can own authentically a massive shift in his belief. What a beautiful example... | 22.96 | 3.288655 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926917.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926918 | [S1] All right, let's jump into some listener questions because we got tons of them from people that listened to this podcast and knew that you were coming on. And I know that you are going to give some incredible advice. [S2] Let's do it. [S1] And this is an interesting one. This comes from Patty. How can you correct ... | 17.12 | 3.238961 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926918.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926919 | [S1] Okay. Wow. Patty, thank you, first of all, for being so open and honest. I think it's very hard to admit when you've made a mistake. That's a huge frickin' win already that she is thinking about that. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Number two, I would say you only know what you know. And so you did the best you could at the ti... | 18.28 | 3.384054 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926919.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926920 | [S1] That's really good. So if you're not going into the conversation with your daughter or anybody because you think you screwed up. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] We do go into those conversations wanting to feel relief from the guilt that we feel. [S2] Yes, we do. [S1] So what do you go into that conversation | 20.4 | 3.403665 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926920.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926921 | [S1] And I would add something. I personally think that the frame of reference piece could be extremely helpful for you understanding why you may have acted how you did. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] You don't go in explaining yourself. I agree with you. Because putting the focus on your daughter and listening and what she needs b... | 23.56 | 3.430191 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926921.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926922 | [S1] ... give you compassion as well, to say, "This isn't on, all on you." So give yourself that grace as well. [S2] And focus on your daughter. [S1] Correct. [S2] This isn't about relieving your stuff. [S1] Exactly. [S2] Got it. Go to a therapist for that. [S1] Yeah. [S2] Right? [S1] True, yeah. | 11.92 | 3.164236 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926922.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926923 | [S1] Anybody that comes to you and says, "Why are you so quiet? You should speak up more." That's their frame of reference. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And you need to create... Well, first you need to understand your own, but then Lisa gave you the advice. What does success mean to you? And there's a, a small piece of research ... | 21.68 | 3.465392 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926923.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926924 | [S1] of advocating for yourself and being louder about the contribution you are making at work, that is important if getting paid more is important to you. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] But being louder or more outgoing when you're first meeting people, that's up to you. | 17.96 | 3.298108 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926924.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926925 | [S1] ... to hit. [S2] Mm. Mm-hmm. [S1] So it's like, if you don't have such clarity on what you're trying to get to, I have no idea what steps I need to take. So let me just give you a bit of a, like a, um, a method that I use on how I figure out goals and stuff. [S2] Great. Okay. [S1] So I go, okay, what is my mission... | 26.52 | 3.326688 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926925.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926926 | [S1] ... [S2] ... [S1] No, seriously. [S2] I- [S1] Like, you know, when you look at your resume, it's hard. Does Lisa Bilyeu ever wake up and feel bad? Like, she is confident, she is driven, she is clear. I mean, when you were in that eight-year cycle- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... for yourself, where you were just in the mono... | 26.08 | 3.511464 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926926.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926927 | [S1] Why was I doing that? I had to start there. What was the conditioning and the thought process that made me think, like, I couldn't speak up? My husband showed me every step of the way that he loves me and he'll support me in whatever I want to do. And so it all came to what got me stuck in the first place. That wa... | 28.96 | 3.08083 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926927.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926928 | [S1] What now? Now you have a choice. And so taking away that when was very powerful for me. So now I have to figure out what I'm actually then going to do with my life. What, what do I actually want to do? So of course it was making movies. How do I articulate that to the people in my life that I'm about to make a cha... | 28.56 | 3.279312 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926928.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926929 | [S1] So if you answer that, when I can pay my bills, then I'll do the X. When I don't have to do this, then I'll do that. When, a lot of people write in, when the kids are grown up, then I'll get a divorce. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And that when is holding you hostage, and it's also the reason why you're not in touch with wha... | 29.92 | 3.315411 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926929.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926930 | [S1] You haven't hit rock bottom. It, the pain isn't bad enough for you to actually go and make a di- a change in your life. And so how many people, this is what I, I was living, I was like, "How's, how's life?" "It's fine. I'm all right." If you're fine, you're saying, "It's fine. I'm all right." It means you're not f... | 29.92 | 2.974156 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926930.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926931 | [S1] So- [S2] I get that. [S1] What is your advice to somebody? [S2] It's an excuse. I mean that with compassion because, now look, when I say an excuse, I mean you can't then not have money and go, "I'm gonna go and spend $100,000 on building a studio." Like, yeah, right, you don't have the money. [S1] Right. [S2] But... | 27.28 | 3.118735 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926931.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926932 | [S1] It's just holding you back. And look, I, the problem with excuses is they actually sometimes are very real. [S2] Yes. [S1] And so it's up to you. Like, I am such a person of like, do you, aren't we? Like, if you want to just do nothing with your life and you love that, like, | 14.64 | 3.081123 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926932.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926933 | [S1] The why was because I was unhappy and I didn't feel like I had a purpose. I didn't have the word purpose back then, but that was the truth. [S2] Okay. [S1] And I loved the idea. We'd just started this new protein bar company that was like, "Ooh, I can actually help someone lose weight." Or, you know, like having a... | 26.24 | 3.199159 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926933.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926934 | [S1] So let me just break that down for you quickly. So when you have a mission, most people will say, "I just want to help people." [S2] Yes. [S1] What does that actually mean? Get granular. I want to help people, um, by creating content for women that is going to help them build confidence. Okay. That is very concret... | 18 | 3.37975 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926934.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926935 | [S1] And then I'm going to sit him down. Now, the communication piece. How do you talk to people about this? You give them the grace that they're human and everything isn't about you. So, okay, Tom's going to have a response and I need to hear him. I'd said earlier- [S2] He has a frame of reference. [S1] He has a frame... | 23.64 | 3.357465 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926935.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926936 | [S1] What kind of husband would I be? So, so that was the first step, that he realized that I wasn't happy and something needed to change. But then the other thing is, he's not gonna change overnight. [S2] Right. [S1] And so I said, "Babe, you've had eight years of me cooking and clean of you." So I was like, "How do I... | 17.84 | 3.231171 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926936.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926937 | [S1] The week after, I'm going to cook and clean five days, and then four, and then three. How do you feel about that plan? Does that allow you time to adjust and navigate the changes that are happening to me?" And he was like, "You know what? Yeah, I would really love that. Thank you." And so we just spoke through it.... | 29.32 | 3.32322 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926937.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926938 | [S1] He does want to do the cle- he does want to do the cleaning. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] But, you know what I mean? Like, he really did that communication piece- [S2] Yes. [S1] ... understanding who you are- [S2] Yes. [S1] ... the setting the boundary, being strong in your conviction, bringing the other person in. And then... | 24.36 | 3.187824 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926938.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926939 | [S1] A lot of people blow up their relationships there. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And if it is true, you shouldn't stay with somebody. [S2] Agreed. [S1] Where your frame of reference about what you want isn't going to match, or at least work with somebody else. Staying where you're resentful, hoping another adult is going to do ... | 25.8 | 3.307181 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926939.mp3 | [
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