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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617514
[S1] I want to go back to something that you said. You mentioned something about, like, even just having a friend or two that you have a much deeper or an intimate connection with. Do you have two or three examples that might get somebody's mind thinking about things that they could plan or do or ways they could look a...
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617515
[S1] that you're not seeing. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And everybody's busy. And if this matters to you, what he's recommending is that you schedule it as a re-occurring appointment. It is already set up. The babysitter is locked in or your friend is on board.
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617516
[S1] So what if you're sitting across from your friend at the coffee shop and you ask yourself, "What's here that I've never noticed before?" [S2] Mm. [S1] And just bring curiosity even to the relationships that you think are routine, mundane, you know, like the back of your hand. [S2] You know, what's interesting that...
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617517
[S1] Looking backwards, you realize how much you've grown. [S2] Mm. [S1] How much you've changed. [S2] Mm. [S1] How different of a person you are. And yet, we don't give that same perspective.
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617518
[S1] ... to the people in our life. Like your mom has gone through the exact same amount of growth, even though the habits on the outside look the same. Your partner is a totally different human being- [S2] Yes. [S1] ... even though they look the same to you. Your friends have had so many things happen in their life-
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617519
[S1] that have changed who they are and what they care about, and yet you still show up and talk about the same old sports team and how are the kids. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And there's something so much deeper going on. [S2] Yes. To notice how somebody has changed can make someone feel so seen and understood.
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[S1] Do you have a good question? Like, how would you advise us if, you know, you're sitting here listening to this and you're considering everything and you're thinking about the just treasure that is right in front of your face. [S2] Yeah. [S1] With the people that are already in your life.
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[S1] How do you lean in, without sounding like some weird cheese ball that's just listened to a podcast episode and now you're like, "So, you know, have you thought about how much you've changed in the last half decade?" [S2] Right, right, right, right. [S1] And, you know, I'm curious, like, what's a way to, like, broa...
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617522
[S1] And I just wanted to acknowledge, like, just how much work you've done. And, like, how fun you are to be around. Of course, I immediately went to make myself wrong, like, "Wow, I must have been a real bitch before." [S2] [laughs] [S1] But, but it was... [S2] Yeah. [S1] I remember feeling very touched.
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[S1] And so I think that's a wonderful suggestion to say to somebody, "You know, I've noticed that, you know, you're a lot calmer or that you seem happier or that something's off." [S2] Yeah. [S1] Like you don't seem like yourself. [S2] Yeah. Or that you're spending more time on this, you're spending less time on that,...
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[S1] I love that. [S2] Take it. [S1] I am. I'm grabbing all of this and I'm going to run back into my life. What if the person listening to this is really introverted and the idea of these conversations just out and about in your life make their skin crawl? And they're like, "I don't want a lot of people in my life."
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617525
[S1] And so if you- [S2] Not crazy. Not an adult who's crazy. [S1] No, not crazy. Who just loves them. [S2] [LAUGHS] Okay. [S1] Who just loves them. And that doesn't mean affirms everything they do. It doesn't mean praise everything they- It means you just love them and you're stable and you're there and they know they...
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[S1] And that can be very hard for some of us, for some families. And so, you know, even through divorce, for example, how do we divorce in a way that provides the most stability for the kids? [S2] I don't know. How do you? [S1] Well, you fight as little as you can. You don't make war with your partner if you possibly ...
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[S1] When it comes to living a good life, it's about the relationships that you cultivate, and it's about the inner life and the way that your life feels. [S2] Yeah. [S1] How do you teach kids those kind of emotional skills?
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[S1] Yeah. We really can teach it. One of the things they know, for example, about family dinners, is they're hugely important for teaching emotional skills. You know, kids listen to what we say, but what they really do is they watch what we do. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And we model stuff all the time. So at a family dinner, ...
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[S1] to be an engineer, you have to be a doctor, or you can't grow up to be a woodworker, you have to be a lawyer. However we decide someone else has to live their life, that is a recipe for pain and suffering. [S2] How come? [S1] In families. Because each of us
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[S1] And this innate desire that we have to either change or control them. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And you just mentioned that one of the amazing things that you can do for someone is to step aside and not interrupt the flow of them changing. I was just curious, what do you think the balance is between the nudging, get off the...
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[S1] and stepping in and trying to control somebody. [S2] I'm going to quote a famous Zen teacher who told his monks, "You're perfect just as you are, and you could use a little improvement." [S1] [LAUGHS] [S2] So it's this kind of paradox that, yes, we want to accept each other and we want to help
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[S1] Help each other be better, right? So it is a little of both. Like we don't wanna just accept kids and let them do whatever they want because they'll, they'll be heathens. They won't learn to function in the world. [S2] They're also not adults yet. [S1] They're not adults yet. They're not able to choose for themsel...
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[S1] In chapter five, there was this really interesting statistic about the fact that we spend half the time thinking about something else rather than being in the present moment. [S2] Yes. [S1] Can you talk a little bit about the importance of your attention? [S2] Yes. Yes. So,
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[S1] And then I was looking at my own study and saying, "Wait a minute, friendships are kind of important." [S2] They're everything. [S1] And so what I've started doing is the stuff that I just recommended to all of you, which is I started texting my friends. I started making dinner dates. Not just letting my wife make...
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[S1] Well, between the age of 20 and 60, the people you work with are who you spend most of your time with day to day. [S2] Yeah. [S1] So I think it's really a huge part of living a good life. [S2] Exactly. [S1] So I love to always end by having you speak directly to the person who's listening. So if you could just tal...
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[S1] think to yourself, well, what would be the kinder thing to do? And do that. [S2] Dr. Robert Waldinger, thank you so much for being here with us. I have been so looking forward to this. You did not disappoint. [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] I have a million people I wanna text now. [S1] Yeah. [S2] And, uh, I also am really exci...
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[S1] ... through manifesting, you're about to teach us how to rewire our brain and train it toward abundance. [S2] Things like manifestation, visualization, affirmations, these are all things that prime the brain more towards thriving than just surviving. Let me put it like this. If you and I both wanted to learn Spani...
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[S1] Well, thank you so much for jumping on a plane and flying all the way from London and spending time with us in person. I am so excited and I guess I want to start by having you speak directly to the person who is listening- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... to us right now. Could you share with them how their brain or their l...
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[S1] So, let me take it back to the survival things we were just speaking about. If you think, you know, I want to get married and have a family 'cause that's what all my friends are doing, there may not be a huge emotional intensity behind that. That may be more to do with societal, parental, peer group expectation. I...
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[S1] And I went to school in London and I just wanted to be like all my friends and do the same things as them. But I would come home, my mother would be in a headstand and there would be incense in the house. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] Um, and you know, there was meditation and chanting and things like that. So I thought, oka...
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[S1] Yeah, there are a few, 'cause I think these things sort of build up, don't they? So, um, I was, in 2017, I was the world's first neuroscientist in residence at a five-star hotel in London. So I was already doing quirky things with my career. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] And, um,
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[S1] Yeah, so- [S2] ... and thriving? [S1] We, I, I'm not going to completely wire it the other way because- [S2] Okay. [S1] ... there, we still need to be safe. [S2] Yes. [S1] Even in the modern world where the threats aren't so much physical predators, there are psychological threats to our safety like job loss, rela...
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[S1] So basically we're overloaded with information constantly. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And the brain has a natural filtering mechanism called selective filtering. And this relates back to what I was saying about if you leave your brain to its job of just, you know, making sure you survive, it will filter out all those other...
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[S1] You know, you narrow it down to the things that you do want to notice. And then the third part is called value tagging, which is the brain actually tags those things in order of importance. [S2] Hmm. [S1] And it does that in two lists. So it does it in a logical list, and it does it in an emotional list, and that'...
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[S1] I would explain the process of manifestation that's underpinned by neuroplasticity, which is a four step process. Raise your awareness. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Focus your attention. Do deliberate practice and hold yourself accountable. And it starts with raised awareness. I always say that's 50% of the battle, 'cause so...
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[S1] fine. You know, it's, if you actually want to be out partying, fine, just say that and do it, you know, and be aligned and, and don't kind of do the thing that you want, but pretend that you want something else. It's all about that. [S2] So, so that's step one. So step one, and let's just stay with your example. [...
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[S1] And a wonderful exercise for that is to place your hands on your forehead. [S2] Okay. [S1] And ask yourself logically, "Is this what I really want and why?" And then write that down. And then take five deep breaths and put your hands on your heart and ask yourself emotionally,
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[S1] Mm. [S2] So, you know, that could, that could change the, I need to meet someone and be in a loving relationship and have a baby. Could just be- [S1] Yep. [S2] ... actually what I've always really wanted as a child. I'm getting to a certain age where waiting to have a partner be part of that might mean that I don'...
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[S1] Yes, I want this. [S2] The second step is focused attention. So that is at least a month of just noticing what you're doing, what you're not doing in regards to moving in that direction. [S1] What are you noticing? [S2] Um, you know, depending on what your goal is. It might be yourself, it might be your interactio...
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[S1] So I'm going to talk really directly to you like I would as if you were my client. [S2] Great. [S1] Which is that the habit that you're working on is not the other person in the relationship, it's yourself. So if the goal is a partnership with someone else, the habits are all around your self-worth, your deserving...
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[S1] Um, and I'm sure a lot more, but those are the first ones, you know, that come to mind. So for example, a lot of people cast a list of what they want in a partner. [S2] Mm. [S1] And there's two things around that. One is make a list of what you have to offer in a relationship, compare it to the list of what you wa...
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[S1] And it doesn't even occur to me- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... that I would make a list about what I have to offer. [S2] Yeah. [S1] How does just making the list of what you have to offer change the way you view yourself?
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[S1] are, you know, not always aware of how much you have to offer. And that's why when, unfortunately in this day and age, the sort of behaviors that I'm hearing about on the dating apps, you could succumb to those. [S2] Mm. [S1] But if you have a very strong idea of what you have to offer, you're more likely to say n...
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[S1] Yeah, I, I just think about this from my own life, that in periods of my life where I was, uh, in distress or disassociated or in peak toxic mel mode in the past, college and law school come to mind. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Um, I had no clue what I had to offer. [S2] Mm-hmm.
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[S1] You know, one of the things you, you speak about, Mel, is, um, the fact that we love our friends and family and children and pets more than we, you know, show that same care to ourselves. And so, you know, if a habit that you have with your partner is writing them a little Post-it note of 10 things I love about yo...
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[S1] Kind of sad. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] That we don't do this. And how common is it that you're working with somebody in your practice and you ask them to make the list of ten things and they can't do it?
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[S1] So whether you're going to use manifesting to look for a job or look for a committed partnership. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Or to, I guess I shouldn't even say look for. Whether you're going to use manifesting- [S2] To manifest. [S1] ... to land a job or to land funding- [S2] Love that. [S1] ... or to, uh, fall in love an...
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[S1] the work to get very clear about what you want. And you gave us that beautiful meditation of going from your head to your heart to your gut and asking yourself if you really want this. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And you say we should saturate ourselves in the self-awareness of it, right? [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] By journaling and...
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[S1] What is happening, what's appearing around you. The third one is take actions that are consistent with somebody who is landing their dream job or who is attracting a committed relationship or a becoming a parent. And then the fourth is patience. Is that, did I get it? [S2] The fourth is accountability. [S1] Accoun...
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[S1] If there was a fire on the table here between us, and you put your hand into the fire, your reflex to physically snatch your hand out of the fire is a fast pathway, for obvious reasons, so you don't burn. But your pain pathways are slow pathways. Because if you became so incapacitated by the pain of the fire, that...
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[S1] But to make a pathway more efficient, we want it to be myelinated. So if we're working on a manifestation, obviously we want the pathways for the behavior that will lead us to that goal, to be more efficient. So just basically repetitive practice leads to more myelination of pathways. [S2] Okay. [S1] So that's rel...
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[S1] And you had said magnetic energy. [S2] Magnetic desire. [S1] Magnetic desire is one of the fastest ways to change the brain or it's a required way. Talk to me about how that stimulates one of these, these processes happening.
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[S1] Yeah. Okay, let me put it like this. If you and I both wanted to learn Spanish- [S2] Yes. [S1] ... and you wanted to learn it because you were planning a vacation to Mexico- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... but I wanted to learn it because I had a Spanish boyfriend, who do you think's likely to learn it more or better? [S2] ...
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[S1] What I love about this example is that I now understand why manifestation works. [S2] Good. [S1] So magnetic desire, which you are helping us tap into by asking ourselves, by putting our hands on our head and our heart and our gut, what do I really want? [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] You're tapping into the deep-seated magnet...
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[S1] ... to help you both see more opportunities around you. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And also to help you stay motivated- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... to do the actions. [S2] Yeah. [S1] So it's like training for your brain- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... to be doing the work to make something happen in the future and to help you do it.
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[S1] Is there a trick that you, uh, teach people that are, uh, very negative or resigned or have a, you know, difficult background where they just have a very hard time believing things are gonna work out? Is there something that added that you would suggest to somebody who's like, "Well, that's never gonna work for me...
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[S1] So one of the ways of doing it is through positive affirmations. So it can't just be a random one that you make up. [S2] Okay. [S1] So the way that I help people to find their affirmation is if you have a recurring negative thought, it's not your thought
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[S1] that is wired into your neural pathways. It's the belief that underlies that thought. [S2] Can you give us an example? [S1] That's never gonna happen for me. That's a classic one. [S2] Okay. [S1] Things like that don't happen to people like me. So, and the answer to this will be different for different people. It ...
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[S1] And keep asking yourself that question until you come up with the answer. And if the answer is, because I'm a woman, or because I come from a lower socioeconomic background, or because I'm a person of color, or because it's never happened to anyone in my family before. Let's say going to college. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1]...
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[S1] So that's just one that came into my mind, but into my heart, actually, I really felt it there. But, you know, it'll be di- very different for different people. That emotional intensity is important, and that's why I can't give the answer to you, 'cause it has to be your answer. [S2] When you said "Could," I deepl...
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[S1] ... that opens the door to then wanting to try. [S2] Well, trying. Yeah. [S1] Yes. [S2] Yeah. Wanting to try and then trying. Yeah. [S1] And then if you keep saying something- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... that has that magnetic desire- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... that's how you start to re- what did you call it? Reprogram? [S2...
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[S1] makes me believe- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... that it's possible because it's co- Of course it's possible. Of course it's possible. And I, I'll just share quickly, like, I, I delayed starting this podcast for so long because I just felt like there were already so many out there. If I'd had this affirmation- [S2] Mm-hmm....
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[S1] So what do you do once you create this affirmation for yourself? [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And let's just run with this one. I could be, and then fill in the blank. What's the steps? [S2] Well, I have to
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[S1] Well, I have one for you that just really, like, came up in my mind that you could have had, which was, I could create a unique niche. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] 'Cause even though there were so many out there, I think your affirmation would have been, I could create something that's not out there yet. You know, I think fo...
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[S1] I love that because I also do think my husband right now is finishing a master's and working on his first book, and what he battles every day is, "This has already been written. This has already been written." [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And so many of you listening have something that you want to do, and you're like, "But ...
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[S1] I could do something unique. [S2] Yeah. [S1] I could fill a gap. [S2] Yeah. [S1] I could do something different. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] I, you know, like, I love this. So how do, what do we do once we have something that feels like, "Ooh, yeah, that's it. I could be."
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[S1] So for season two of my podcast, Reinvent Yourself with Dr. Tara, I've actually focused on the new science of ancient wisdom. [S2] Yeah. [S1] So what's interesting to me about this one is that Buddhists have known forever, replace every negative thought with a positive thought. That is part of Buddhism. Now, fast ...
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[S1] ... as you have magnetic desire- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... attached to it. [S2] Yeah, yeah. [S1] And I think that's the piece that is really important here, that there's this charge in the feeling- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... around it that is really important for you to do the work to figure out for yourself. You just have t...
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[S1] So I, I literally do live my life in, in the way of everything that we've been discussing, so I'm just going to tell you the truth. [S2] Please. [S1] As soon as I am aware that I'm awake, I snuggle my face against my silk pillowcase and I say, "I love my silk pillowcase." And then I say, "And I love my side sleepi...
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[S1] with you. So what else do you love? Let's keep going. [S2] I'm, I'm so grateful for my silk duvet. I'm grateful for my mattress. I'm grateful for my bedding. Um, you know, usually that's the minimum. I might do the temperature in the room or how quiet it is. Um- [S1] Do you say it out loud or do you just say it to...
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[S1] Then to actually get out of bed, I start thinking about how much I'm going to save in my cup of tea. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] Um, and then I go downstairs and I take my probiotic and then I, 'cause I have to wait 10 minutes until I have my cup of tea, I do my oil pulling, and then I make my cup of English breakfast tea ...
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[S1] ... the vision board, 'cause you called it an action board. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Why, why does a vision, does a vision board work? [S2] I've been doing them for 15 years and I've manifested a lot of things through my vision board, so- [S1] Like what? What have you manifested through a vision board? [S2] I'm saying- [S1...
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[S1] So the year that we decided we would meet in Rio de Janeiro, I, was because that was the only flight that I could get with my points. And I suddenly had this inkling that I hadn't been aware of. And I went and looked at my vision board, and in tiny writing under the snorkeling girl, it said, "Rio de Janeiro." [S2]...
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[S1] ... things like that as well. Um- [S2] Well, what I also love about this is that you take it a step further and you don't say, "What a cool accident." You say, "I manifested that." [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] And how does a vision board, which you call an action board- [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] ... program your brain for thrive.
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[S1] So when you visualize something really strongly and you integrate your senses, your brain can hardly tell the difference between that being true and that being a created feeling by you. [S2] Mm. [S1] And because anything new is the biggest threat to the brain, uncertainty and novelty are the biggest threats to the...
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[S1] And would you do that gratitude wash as you're doing it, as a way to tap into magnetic energy? Because that's probably very thick, old wiring. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] I actually said that to somebody recently where I was like, "I don't even want to tell you that because I'm, I feel like I'm, like, scared to say I want t...
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[S1] Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I, I feel like if you're gluing it down, you really mean it, right? Um, and so if there's hesitation, that could be hard. I have never thought of this before, but your idea is brilliant. If you do it whilst giving gratitude, it'll probably make it feel much easier. It's a bit more like, I'll just...
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[S1] When I had my first one, you know, when I was really broke, um, it was in, I was living in a studio apartment and it was in the bathroom, which meant that anyone that came to my studio would see it. And it had a specific amount of money on it. And it's very un-British to talk about money. And it really- [S2] How m...
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[S1] Everybody now moving their vision boards from their bedside table to the bathroom. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] Okay, we're gonna put this right in the bathroom. What are some of the other habits that you have every day that keep you resilient, that keep your brain wired for thriving? [S2] Okay, so I would say my next one, ...
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[S1] Why is that good for stress? [S2] Because when you're stressed, your body leeches itself of magnesium. So magnesium helps you deal with stress, but it also gets used up in stress. And the best way to take magnesium is through your skin rather than through a, a capsule or a tablet. [S1] Oh, really? [S2] And so I fi...
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[S1] So, a little bit like when you're training for a marathon and you would eat more protein, when you're stressed, you need more magnesium. And the best way to check if you need more magnesium is if you ever get that twitchy eyelid. [S2] Yes. I've had that. [S1] Yeah. Well, some people get tiny twitches in their fing...
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[S1] Well, the, I, the twitching is an actual sign of magnesium deficiency, but the reason you would be deficient is probably stress. [S2] Wow. Nobody's ever told me that before. [S1] Oh. [S2] And it happens quite a lot. [S1] Well, try, try the, you can do a foot bath if you don't like a bath. [S2] Oh, I, I took a bath...
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[S1] Um, so, so, so by this time, it's getting close to the time that I would eat, 'cause I do time-restricted eating. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] So I only eat between 12 noon and 8 p.m. Um, so, you know, I would obviously deal with any work admin or home admin that I have to, but then I would, I would cook. [S2] While we're on...
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[S1] And then the good fats. This is the, probably the largest part of my dietary intake. So, um, oily fish, eggs, avocado, nuts, seeds. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And the fourth category is fermented foods like kimchi, sauerkraut, kefir, and kombucha.
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[S1] Or whether you're now talking about the deliberate things you say to yourself. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And the deliberate practices and actions that you are creating in the morning. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] You are showing us exactly what you're doing to make your brain function in a way that helps you thrive. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1...
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[S1] ... into your lifetime of wisdom and knowledge that has been pushed down from your conscious mind all the way through your brain, down through the neurons that connect the brain and the gut. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Into your gut. So it's basically like tapping the eye cloud of your body and your history. [S2] Yeah. [S1]...
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[S1] So cortisol is known as the stress hormone, and it absolutely correlates with emotions such as fear, anger, disgust, shame, and sadness. Cortisol isn't all bad. You know, we need it to wake up in the morning. We need it to have an adaptive stress response to, you know, a car driving too fast on the street- [S2] Mm...
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[S1] In the modern day, as I mentioned earlier, we're so overwhelmed with information. There are so many psychological threats to our safety that it's, most people, unfortunately, the levels are high. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And they're either at the higher end or higher, and that's pretty constant, whereas they should be, y...
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[S1] Even though that's for most of us, thank goodness, not the biggest threat to our survival. [S2] Yeah. [S1] In fact, quite the opposite. So to try to protect us from dying of starvation, one of the things that cortisol does is lay down extra fat in the abdominal fat cells so that if we are in, unable to hunt or gat...
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[S1] is causing belly fat? [S2] Yeah. It's not just causing fat, it's specifically causing belly fat. So you may not have changed your shape in the rest of your body, but if you're noticing that your belt has become tighter- [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] ... that's a sign that you could have chronic cortisol. And the other thing i...
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[S1] that's all initiated in the brain because the brain is picking up on higher levels of cortisol. [S2] Yeah. [S1] How does high levels of stress impact the functioning of your brain? [S2] Mm-hmm.
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[S1] So I'm going to do brain and body, if that's okay. [S2] Yeah. [S1] So, so this, think of this cortisol as a corrosive agent that's literally flowing through your entire brain and body. So in the body, it starts to erode your immunity. So you might notice more colds and flus more often, or ones that last for weeks ...
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[S1] People saying, you know, I've had this cold for four, six, eight weeks, but, but everybody has it. [S2] Mm. [S1] And I, and I had to say to them, "D- do you hear what you're saying, that that, it's not normal to have a cold for six weeks, um, and this is cortisol."
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[S1] Um- [S2] Because stress impairs the higher functioning of the brain. [S1] It just moves the blood supply away from it because you're not going to give up your precious resources for functions like that. And, and just to, um, put that into context for you, Mel, the brain is a tiny organ. It's, you know, it's a tiny...
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[S1] Let's take this back to a couple of evolutionary mechanisms. [S2] Okay. [S1] So when we lived in the cave, we lived in tribes and we were either really quite nomadic or at least the men would go off to hunt for a few days and then, you know, return to the cave.
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[S1] And in those days, with predators and hypothermia and, you know, obviously like miscarriage and stillbirth and stuff like that, he really had to impregnate five women to make sure that at least one of the babies would survive. So to be able to make sure that five women would get pregnant at the same time, they had...
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[S1] Wow. [S2] Let's just start with how we synchronize first. [S1] Okay. [S2] So that is because steroid hormones, such as the sex steroid hormones, estrogen and progesterone- [S1] Okay. [S2] ... leak out of your skin through your sweat. [S1] Wait, what? Estrogen?
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[S1] leaks out of your skin through your sweat? [S2] Yeah. The way that it works is through physical proximity. So obviously in the cave we slept in a huddle. [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] So if you live with your daughters or you work in a, you know, office with a lot of other women and you're in close proximity with each other, ...
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[S1] from your body? [S2] Well, okay. Try not wearing antiperspirant and smelling how far you can smell your sweat. [S1] Oh, I guess that's right. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Because I'm not thinking about the fact that the odor is actually you emitting something. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Oh. Does that happen with stress too? [S2] Okay, so...
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[S1] So fascinated by this. [S2] I think we've kind of done that. We've said that we recognize it as a phenomenon. I've given you the evolutionary reasons. [S1] Yes. [S2] We've talked about the physiological mechanism of it. So what I want to do now is bring that same physiological mechanism to regardless of gender, co...
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[S1] ... the leader, in quote marks, of the entity, their stress levels will impact other people more than the other way around, or people of equal status. So, you know, the highly stressed boss, as an example. The, the highly stressed parent. [S2] Mm, interesting. [S1] Yeah.
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[S1] Well, it makes sense because if you think about it, whether it's in the example of the silverback or you take a family system or you take a work system- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... that if the person in charge of your paycheck is stressed out- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... that, that, their stress is a direct threat to your fin...
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[S1] Yes, but with both versions of it, whether it's your own or others, addressing the root cause is important 'cause what you don't want to be doing is just continually shielding yourself from something that's not changing. [S2] And the reason why this is important, if we bring it back to the brain and your ability t...
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