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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p45_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p45_m4-dialogue_1035476
[S1] I actually got in a fight on a basketball court. This was kind of the tipping point where I was the perfect storm. And a friend of mine who was there was like, "I don't want to hang out with you anymore if you're gonna keep reacting in this way." Because I was the same fun-loving guy, but when I would get triggere...
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[S1] I would just like def- try to defend myself energetically. But if someone was physically trying to attack me, which in a basketball game is kind of a, uh, you know- [S2] Isn't that part of the game? [S1] Yes, but I would take it so personally. So when there was a cheap elbow, I'd be like, "Turn around," and be lik...
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[S1] ... abuse me or take advantage of me. [S2] Well, 'cause they had. [S1] Exactly. And so, this was kind of the, the, the last thing that happened. I got in this fight and my friend was like, "Hey, I don't wanna hang out with you. I don't wanna play basketball anymore with you if you're gonna react like this." And it...
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[S1] ... are you? [S2] I was ten years ago. Yeah, it was ten years ago. [S1] So how old are you now? [S2] I'm 39. [S1] 39, so when you're 29 years old. [S2] And I remember there was a police station right across the street. It was in West Hollywood, right? It was ten minutes away from here. And, um, and I remember goin...
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[S1] He, he- [S2] His face didn't look good, I'll just say that. And he, and I always had this rule that I'll never hit someone unless they hit me first. That was kinda like my thing. But I'll ins- I'll frickin' get in someone's face, I'll talk trash, whatever, but I was like, "I'll never hit someone unless they hit me...
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[S1] And so this was a point where this happened. And I remember going home and looking at myself in, in the mirror and being like, "Who are you?" I did not recognize myself. And I re- was really kinda like shaking 'cause I was like, "What am I doing? Like, who am I? What are you, why are you reacting?" I started to li...
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[S1] I went to some workshops. The first workshop I went to got me to a vulnerable enough state to talk about sexual abuse for the first time. [S2] Out loud? [S1] Out loud. First time I spoke the words- [S2] What was that like?
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[S1] ... the most terrifying moment of my life, to be honest, because I never thought that this had happened to any other man. So you have to imagine, if you think that not, what has happened to you has never happened to anyone else, then you think you are wrong, broken, and the worst human being alive. [S2] Yeah. [S1]...
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[S1] It was a five day experience and a lot of people were going through about, it was a leadership workshop, but we have to go into our past and mend things to clear on what we want for the future and then move towards the future, right? [S2] Yeah. [S1] So it's kind of like a process, a journey of your personal life t...
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[S1] Um, you know, the moms wouldn't let their kids hang out with me. So that was just a lonely time, and it was traumatic to go to a prison- [S2] Of course. [S1] ... every weekend and watch your brother in a, in a room full of convicts and their families. It was a traumatic experience for the whole family. Um, you kno...
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[S1] All these men from the room started coming out. There was only a two or three guys who'd been sexually abused that told me that, for the first time, by the way. They hadn't opened up either, to anyone in their lives. And then other guys were just like, "I've never heard anything like this. This happened to me. I f...
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[S1] ... and love me more. The thing that was the scariest thing for me was actually the thing that, that brought me closer to people. [S2] Mm. [S1] And, and people could actually see me for the first time fully, at least in that regard. Um, and it was, that was the start of 10 years of lots of different healing modali...
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[S1] And I knew in the back of my mind, somewhere in the back of my mind, that something had happened. And it wasn't until I was at a leadership seminar. [S2] Really? [S1] [LAUGHS] I was in the- [S2] So you started to open up? [S1] ... personal div- No, well, what happened is somebody else shared. And they shared about...
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[S1] Because while this was happening to them in the bathroom, similar to their story, their sister was watching TV. [S2] Oh. [S1] And as she said that, I had a very vivid memory of the moment that it happened to me in the middle of the night. And when I kind of rolled over, 'cause I, you know, was scared that this per...
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[S1] ... to hurt him. So I was just, like, quiet, like a mouse. [S2] Oh, wow. [S1] But it was the sibling connection, and it, like you, just flooded in. [S2] Wow. [S1] And I was, like, I gotta share this. And for a minute, I questioned whether or not it had happened. [S2] Mm. [S1] And it was speaking- [S2] Was it a bad...
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[S1] And- [S2] And what happened when you said it out loud? [S1] Oh, I just collapsed, sobbing. Same thing as you. Like, so many people come up. I mean, it is such, unfortunately, a very common story. One in four women, one in six- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... men have experienced something like that. But it's in the, either ...
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[S1] Shame that you feel around it, as if somehow it's your fault. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Or it somehow is damaging to you. And carrying that inside, which really is damaging. And so I think that it's a, it's an important... Thank you, first of all, for sharing that story. [S2] Yeah, of course. [S1] Um, and I think speaking t...
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[S1] is a form of acceptance. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Because if you keep this stuff silent, if you're unwilling to talk about it, it's gonna continue to haunt you. And so, you know, you've been on this incredible journey of healing. What has it taught you about greatness?
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[S1] and win-win and service, as opposed to, I need to do this for me and look good and feel something up inside of me. You're doing it from a more healing journey, uh, place, and then you're able to give more. You're able to create in a better place. So a lot of my life was doing things to prove people wrong- [S2] Mm-...
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[S1] So when I would lose, I was a bad loser. Because I was like, "Oh, I didn't prove them wrong. I lost. They were right." And so it was just a different energy of creation. It's the second most powerful fuel is the fuel of anger and not enoughness. [S2] Right. [S1] You can go nonstop for years trying to prove your en...
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[S1] biggest dreams after 10 and 15 years of thinking about them, working hard and accomplishing it, and feeling like, so angry after I accomplished it, 'cause I thought I would feel something different. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And I still didn't feel good enough. So I was like, "I need to go create more and accomplish more....
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[S1] And because I have a meaningful mission that is not about me, it's about others as well. And so- [S2] You talk about mission in this book, a lot. [S1] And I think that's the foundation. It's like getting clear on a meaningful mission that it's not about- [S2] How do you do that? [S1] Uh, I mean, it's- [S2] I mean,...
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[S1] And that is a meaningful mission for this season, right? [S2] Okay. [S1] So when I was on my sister's couch, that's all I could think about was like, how can I make enough money to get off the couch? [S2] Great. [S1] And so that was the mission for that season. But once you complete that, you've got to think about...
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[S1] in order to get money from them, right? Essentially, I'm going to give you a service, I'm going to help you, and you're going to pay me. [S2] Right. [S1] So I'm helping them overcome a problem. And I was using my, my passion and my power to solve a problem. And that's what I started to do. And then I started to, o...
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[S1] So after, I don't know, four or five years of, of kind of teaching LinkedIn and then expanding it into just social media and marketing in general and courses and stuff like that, I realized, okay, I had enough money for maybe two years to live. [S2] Oh, that's pretty damn good, Lewis. [S1] But when you're broke an...
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[S1] When you're broke and poor, from my point of view, I didn't spend anything. I was, like, I just need to stack everything. [S2] Yep. [S1] 'Cause I was in scarcity mode. [S2] Yep. [S1] So I wasn't, like, spending anything. So I had enough, and I also didn't have a car, you know? I was living in, like, uh, apartment ...
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[S1] ... a squirrel. [S2] Yes, I was a squirrel. [S1] Or in his nuts, man. Here we go. That's right. [S2] Put him in my back pocket. And, um, and once I realized, "Oh, I can actually, like, I'm surviving now," right? I'm, I'm thriving, I'm surviving. I got out of this kind of, like, scarcity mentality. [S1] Yeah. [S2] ...
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[S1] This is the exact moment when I got into the fight on the basketball court. I was going through a breakup in a relationship that I'd moved to LA for, and, uh, I was just having breakdowns in life. And so I was literally stuck in traffic in LA a little over 10 years ago. Tuesday, next week, is my 10-year anniversar...
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[S1] All this stuff had just happened, and I'm just thinking to myself, "Man, I've, I don't have it all figured out." I thought I did. I thought my ego knew it was right. [S2] Yeah. [S1] I thought I'd, you know, accomplished stuff and this and that, and was featured in the White House and all these other things. I was ...
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[S1] And I was stuck in LA traffic. We were literally on the 405 and, um, we were not moving. And all these people around me in cars stopped, were screaming and honking and flipping each other off. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] And I'm honking and I'm like... [S2] [LAUGHS]
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[S1] ... whispers, you know, whisper, "Podcast, buy, what is this thing?" Right? And I was, like, I literally called two friends in the car. It was a long drive. I'm being stuck. I called two friends. I go, "I know you have a podcast. I just saw you launch this thing." [S2] Who were they? [S1] Pat Flynn and my friend D...
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[S1] I love it. It's the coolest thing ever. The audience I'm connecting, the building, the relationship, it's the best thing ever. I don't make any money, but it's the best thing ever. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] And I was like...
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[S1] And they were both telling me, like, "Well, you should just make it about, like, marketing and entrepreneurship, 'cause that's what you're doing." [S2] Right. [S1] I was like, "Ah, it just doesn't resonate with me. I feel like I'm supposed to do something more." And they're like, "Well, don't go too broad, because...
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[S1] and I gave myself some parameters. I'm not going to try to make money. Again, at that time, I had money for two years. [S2] Got it. [S1] Some people may not have that luxury- [S2] Right. [S1] ... when they're figuring this out in terms of making money. You might have to make money really quickly. If I needed to ma...
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[S1] What I loved about what you said, did I, did you hear what Lewis said? Experiment. He gave himself permission to experiment with something for a year. Number two, he took the pressure off and said, "I'm not going to make this experiment generate money." [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And so if you can, whether you're on the co...
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[S1] You now are walking in the footsteps of greatness here. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And so you set out on this experiment. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And you didn't know shit about how to do it. [S2] I had no clue. [S1] You have two friends that... [S2] I had an iPhone that I used to record in the beginning. I had no clue what I was d...
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[S1] I was trying to do what I thought I was supposed to do. I was just, like, trying stuff. And my, it's funny, 'cause my assistant listened to the first episode, like, last week. She goes, "I went back and listened to the first episode." And she goes, "You're a completely different person." And I'm like, 'Cause it wa...
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[S1] ... open up about- [S2] ... spoke for the first time. [S1] Yeah, about sexual abuse and all these things. And I actually, this is so funny, I actually learned the concept about no one wins, or you don't win unless everyone wins around you. You know, that was like, "What?" That concept didn't make sense to me as an...
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[S1] and about improvement and how we can all win together. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And that's when it started to shift, and I started to, like, be a little softer and be less like, "Let's just get results," you know? And, um, and it was beautiful. So there, there's so much that happened in that first year of the experiment ...
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[S1] And, um, and how can I find my voice in this process? You know, even if I'm not comfortable sharing my voice, how do I find it by practicing it? [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And after the first year, I remember, um, being like, "Man, I just really loved this and enjoyed it." And so, ten years later, here we are. I still love...
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[S1] I was going to say Kobe because he was my favorite interview. But when you said this, um, there was an interview the first year that I had with a guy named Chris Lee, who is the actual coach and trainer of the workshop I went to when I opened up for the first time. [S2] Really? [S1] He had such a massive impact on...
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[S1] powerful episode because I had two other relationships before her and after this conversation. Those, those things didn't happen. And I realized that it only happened the moment I started to fully heal a lot of the emotional things that I still wasn't ready to face in intimacy. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] So I healed one el...
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[S1] Literally, there was a pain in my chest for still for years from other things. Not the sexual abuse pain, 'cause I could talk about that freely and be at peace. [S2] Right. [S1] But in other things that I still wasn't willing to face, and it wasn't until I faced those things two years ago, there was a pain in my c...
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[S1] since. [S2] Wow. [S1] It took five months of intense reflection, exercises, practicing of healing the nervous system- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... to where that went away. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] That is literally, a month or two later, I met her. [S2] Wow. [S1] And it's been a game changer ever since. [S2] Have you talked pub...
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[S1] I just started, I haven't really talked about it publicly. I just started kind of telling people that, because I don't know if other people feel a pain in their chest. I don't know if, if you've ever felt like a ball that's kind of like this, not palpitations, but just kind of a nagging pain. [S2] I think people f...
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[S1] ... it start- [S2] And it comes to your stomach. [S1] Yeah, but I think you want to know why. It's because that's how the person approached me. [S2] Oh, wow. [S1] Yes. [S2] Yeah, I, 'cause it was, it used to be the throat and the chest for me. [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] I just feel like I couldn't speak. [S1] Yeah. [S2] An...
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[S1] It wasn't like I felt like I was going to have a heart attack or anything like that, but it's just like a nagging pain. [S2] Yeah. [S1] It would come and go, and I couldn't figure out how to get rid of it or how to like eliminate it. And it just, I went to five months of intensive, every week, therapy, sometimes f...
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[S1] She said, "What's your intention for starting this process?" I said, "I want peace, clarity, and freedom." [S2] Hmm. [S1] 'Cause I didn't feel like I had any of those. [S2] Can I take a guess at what your biggest block was? [S1] Sure. [S2] It was an inability to even allow love in. Is that what it was? [S1] I don'...
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[S1] So, it was my inability to, to not abandon myself in intimacy with one person. The person that I was choosing to be in a committed relationship with. 'Cause I wanted to abandon myself in other areas. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] I would stand up for, I was like, "No, I'm not gonna do that." [S2] Oh, for you, like a nice guy ...
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[S1] You didn't do this. Uh, I'm sorry. Okay, I'll go do it now. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Whenever there was disturbance emotionally- [S2] Yes. You withdrew. [S1] ... or the environment, or they were screaming at me, or they were cold shoulder, or they wouldn't speak to me- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... I was like, "I don't like this f...
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[S1] Even though I don't want to stop doing something. [S2] Yeah. [S1] I'll stop doing it to make you feel comfortable. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Okay, I'll give in here. Okay, I'll, I'll come home five hours early. Okay, I won't go on that trip 'cause you don't feel comfortable with me going alone. [S2] See, I don't think peopl...
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[S1] Or give in or whatever. [S2] Or give in and not capable of expressing what he needed because his experience as a kid was it didn't matter anyway. [S1] Exactly. And a lot, and a lot of times, you know, in general, a lot of men were never trained on how to navigate uncomfortable emotions through
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[S1] in love, in an intimate, loving relationship. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] I could do it in business, in sports, and other things. [S2] What was it modeled for you- [S1] What was it modeled for me? [S2] ... when you were little? [S1] Yeah, it was constant, it was a constant low level stress and, like, resentment from my pare...
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[S1] I knew they also didn't love each other. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And so that was stressful. Um, and so I didn't know how to, how to be with a woman who was like, "You can't do this." [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] Screaming at me, "Don't do this. I don't like when you do this. This is not okay." Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah. 'Cause what t...
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[S1] And after a year, two years, three years of doing that and just giving in and giving in and giving in, you fully lose yourself. [S2] Yes. [S1] You lose all your, you, you lose who you are. And then you get resentful, you get frustrated, you get angry. So I lacked the emotional ability to say, "No." And if you don'...
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[S1] be okay with me walking away from something as well. And that's why when I met Martha, uh, which you've met her- [S2] Oh, she- [S1] ... a couple times now. [S2] She smiles at you all the time. [S1] I had a, I had a, a fully different experience. [S2] Because you were different.
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[S1] 'Cause I was completely different. And, and I just told her, like, straight up, I was like, "This is my values, this is who I am, and I'm never gonna abandon myself for anyone." [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] "You, this, that, it doesn't matter. Like, I'm just never gonna abandon myself. Now, it doesn't mean I'm not gonna be a...
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[S1] ... thing that when you, uh, put all your energy into trying to keep the peace with others, you create a war inside yourself. [S2] Oh, that's good. [S1] And that is just what you described. [S2] Yeah. [S1] That tension in your chest, and so many of you listening listen with it, or that pit in your stomach is the w...
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[S1] You're like a truffle pig for healing. [S2] I was like, yeah, yeah. [S1] He's gonna root that thing out right there. I'm doing it, man. I'm not gonna stop until I healed. I love that about it. I'm proud of you. [S2] I remember, and I'm, and healing's a journey. It's not an event that happens overnight. [S1] Right....
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[S1] So the moment was many, 'cause every time I would meet my coach, she'd say, "What's your intention? Peace, clarity, freedom." [S2] Okay. [S1] I didn't feel them. And so we were talking about which each one is. When do you not feel peace? When do you not feel clear freedom? I was like, "I've never felt free in my l...
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[S1] And a lot of it came down to modeling parents. They weren't free in their relationship. They both were resentful of being in the relationship. They both got married when they were 19. They didn't know any better. [S2] Yeah. [S1] They had four kids. They were working their butts off just staying together. So I don'...
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[S1] That was what it was for me. I saw them trapped and I was afraid to be trapped 'cause I didn't want to repeat the feeling of them being trapped and feeling miserable a lot of the time. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And I was like, "I don't want to create that in my life." But I didn't know how to stand up for myself. So that ...
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[S1] You can walk away. And that was the thing. I was like, I'm so afraid to get married 'cause I don't want to have the shame of getting divorced or the pain that ca- that, that happens after divorce that so many people go through. [S2] Well, it's so interesting. You were so focused on not feeling trapped that you act...
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[S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] Some of them were there, but I saw them free men. Like they were in a state of complete peace. Not all of them, but some of them had so much love in their hearts, were very kind and generous. They had their families around, and they were free emotionally. But they just did something that put them in t...
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[S1] ... don't know how to master. And yet, we s- we won't invest in coaching or find support. And I just think it's so crucial. [S2] Well, you write at the very end of your fantastic book, The Greatness Mindset. You're talking about unlock the power of your mind and live your best life today. You have a huge section i...
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[S1] Now, huge section. Like the whole middle of the book is healing. Like, I feel like it's not even unlock the power of your mind. It's literally unlock the power of your mind, body, and spirit, integrate it all. [S2] Well, you know, everything's a Trojan horse. [S1] Well, that's true. [S2] You gotta, you gotta bring...
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[S1] Well, uh, that's true. [S2] You gotta, you gotta bring people there to do it. [S1] Nobody's gonna pick up the healing books, so they're like, "I'm gonna, I'm gonna buy the mindset book." But guys, if people understood the art of falling in love with yourself, the world would be a much better place. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S...
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[S1] I am happy to- [S2] That was a trigger for you. [S1] No, I'm happy to give it to me. I get the practice. [S2] You did fantastic. Um, so first of all, everybody, please go get the book. I'm not done asking Louis questions, but please, please, please support the man that has supported all of our greatness for the la...
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[S1] And you can only leave the world with three truths, three lessons that you want to impart on the world. What are they, Lewis? [S2] You are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. Again, if, if we understood that and embodied it and truly believed it, then life is just a much better place. [S1] And what is your defi...
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[S1] For me, it's going on a journey to discover your unique gifts and talents. And in that discovery, figuring out what your dreams are. And on the path of going after your dreams, making the maximum impact on the people around you. For me, that's greatness. [S2] Wow. And you embody it. That's for damn sure. [S1] Than...
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[S1] And I believe in you and your ability to take absolutely everything you heard today from, uh, Lewis and put it into practice in your own life. And, um, not only develop the greatness mindset, but to go heal and to learn how to fall in love with yourself and use that transformation to change the world around you. [...
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[S1] Dr. Kennedy in the house, people. So let's go back to the basics. [S2] Okay. [S1] Anxiety 101. [S2] All anxiety is separation anxiety. [S1] What does that mean? [S2] The reason why you're anxious in the first place is because you block love. So when you say, "I love you." [S1] Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. [S2] Yeah...
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[S1] He has a degree in neuroscience, he's a medical doctor, and perhaps most importantly, like me, and maybe you, he struggled with anxiety for decades. But using what you're about to learn in this episode, he has cured himself. So let's get him on the line. Hey. [S2] Hey, Mel Robbins, my God. [S1] How are ya? [S2] Go...
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[S1] Is this thing going, guys? We're good with the recording? Okay, awesome. I am so excited. My favorite episodes are ones where I feel like I'm getting a personal therapy session- [S2] Okay. [S1] ... that the world can listen on, so. [S2] Okay. [S1] [LAUGHS] [S2] How deep do you want to go?
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[S1] Well, I have a feeling that we are going to have you back over and over and over again. [S2] Okay. [S1] And so I want to focus our conversation today on, um, just kind of some anxiety 101. [S2] Okay. [S1] Because one of the things that I was so excited to, um, be able to talk to you about,
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[S1] is the difference between a neck up thinking approach- [S2] Sure. [S1] ... to anxiety versus a neck down body approach to anxiety. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And I, um, wanna focus our conversation on truly getting people to have a wake up call about the way that they think about what anxiety is and isn't,
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[S1] ... get a personal therapy session with you. [S2] Sure. Happy to do it. [S1] [LAUGHS] Okay. [S2] Happy to do it, Bill. [S1] So the first thing that I would love to ask you is, when a patient comes to you and I, how do you describe what anxiety is?
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[S1] Well, I agree. I feel like it's thrown around all the time. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And we think that anxiety is like a nervous stomach and a lot of worry in your head about what's going to happen. And I love that you're saying that we want to start talking about the alarm that goes off in your body. And before we even ta...
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[S1] Uh, panic attacks, shortness of breath. You know, I, you can, you can literally feel the, the, the alarm vibrating through my skin. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] But our daughter, who is 23, when she's feeling anxious or the alarm is going off in her body, she doesn't emit worry or tension, she emits frustration and anger. [S...
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[S1] ... the only acceptable response inside of her is frustration or anger because that's, that's how it gets expressed. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Now, other people will shut down. They'll go into freeze, right? So sympathetic nervous system is fight, flight, and freeze, and font, too, but freeze mostly in that particular sit...
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[S1] I agree with you. So let's go back to the basics. [S2] Okay. [S1] Anxiety 101. [S2] Okay. [S1] When you say we're gonna now talk about anxiety is an alarm system in your body and what, describe the alarm system.
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[S1] and then you start stacking. And I've heard you say this. I think it was in, in the five second rule about, I gotta get up, you know, this looks, this, this is bad, that's bad, one of your boobs is bigger. [S2] Yeah. [S1] You know, all this kind of stuff. That's what I call stacking. So as soon as your body feels ...
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[S1] So let me see if I can unpack this, okay? Because I think this is a huge wake up call for people to learn this, that anxiety does not start typically with your thoughts. [S2] Totally. [S1] Anxiety starts with a physical response to some kind of situation.
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[S1] And a lot of us don't want to feel our body 'cause that's where the frickin' pain is, right? [S2] That's right. [S1] So we retreat into our heads because it's an escape from this old alarm that's been trapped in your body probably since childhood. [S2] So you say that all anxiety has the exact same beginning. I wa...
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[S1] ... separation. All anxiety is separation anxiety. It's- [S2] What does that mean? [S1] Well, if you drill it down, it's, it's separation typically from yourself, but it starts with separation from your parents on some level. If you feel separate from your parents, the people that are supposed to love you, care, s...
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[S1] So- [S2] Can you give me an example? So, so I find, and one of the things I'm, I'm, I wanna do with this show is to take, like, a lot of the stuff that sounds intellectual- [S1] Sure. [S2] ... and make it really digestible and understandable. So when you say separate, you're separate from your parents. Can you giv...
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[S1] ... a few scenarios that, you know, aren't all horrific abuse situations- [S2] Sure. Sure. [S1] ... that, that anybody can identify with when you say separate from your parents. [S2] Yeah. So there's something as simple as a parental mismatch. You know- [S1] What does that mean? [S2] Well, it's kind of a term, I d...
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[S1] And as a medical doctor and neuroscientist, I kinda wanna have a seizure sometimes when I talk about the ethereal nature of this. But really, from a practical sense, when you're anxious, find the alarm in your body. [S2] Okay, so wh- how do you do that? So let's- [S1] Okay. [S2] So let's just take a scenario right...
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[S1] ... that you have beef with, and you start to feel like this wave hit you. [S2] Sure. [S1] Because you don't want to talk to that person, or that person makes you nervous. [S2] Right. [S1] Situation we can all relate to. [S2] Totally. [S1] In that moment, sitting in the front seat of your car, and you feel the ala...
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[S1] ... or jumping right into it, I believe that that is your younger self asking for your attention. And typically what we do is we push it away. We go into our heads, right? [S2] Right. [S1] So go into your body, feel it. See if you can put your hand over that area of- [S2] But what if-
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[S1] ... experiences. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And the alarm in your body and your inability to tolerate or understand what's happening when it goes off. And so I have recently had this experience where I'm waking up and I get these waves of anxiety.
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[S1] In that moment. Like what would happen, like tell me what happens when you turn toward it and you put your hands on your chest or you go, "Oh, thank you. You're just trying to protect me." 'Cause you're scared to death that you now live in Vermont and you have no friends and, uh, you're very far away from your kid...
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[S1] Yeah, when you started talking about the mismatch with the mom, I'm like, I hope my mother doesn't listen to this episode. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] 'Cause I even feel guilty for admitting that we are kind of a mismatch. [S2] Okay. [S1] Or are a mismatch. Um, yeah, well my, my, sometimes my mom calls me Melly and friends...
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[S1] You know, in many ways, I think Mel. [S2] Okay. [S1] Because I still feel very much like a child at times. And I still feel like that vulnerable kid. And I still feel like the, um, person that's on the outside looking at. I feel separate. Like that word separate makes a lot of sense for me. Um, like there's a, a f...
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[S1] Yeah, and, you know, just because you've kind of given me permission here. I mean, you've spent a lot of your life outrunning your anxiety, right? And it's worked for you, Mel. You're very successful. You know, you, it's worked for you. I see this with a lot of very intelligent people. They can intellectually kind...
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[S1] Why do you think moving to Vermont where there's nothing to do is so fucking terrifying? Like there, I can't run to target to, to make my anxiety go away. [S2] Right. [S1] Like I feel like I'm addicted to negative stress and this addiction to negative stress is what I've done to numb my anxiety. [S2] Well, it's su...
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[S1] So I've taken the negative alarm. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Or the alarm. [S2] Yeah. [S1] In my body. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And I've channeled it in a direction so I don't have to feel it. [S2] Yes. [S1] And when you said, "What if the alarm is trying to help you?" [S2] Yeah. [S1] What the hell did you mean by that?
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[S1] What if it's, what if it's little Mel? You know, what if it's, what if it's the younger version of you saying, "Hey, I need some attention." And then when you say, you know, "Fuck off, I don't want to feel you." [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] Literally. What if, if you had a child come up to you in a grocery store and they we...
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[S1] Yeah. We won't do it for ourselves. We'll do it for our pets. [S2] Wait. [S1] Yeah, go ahead. [S2] You're right. You're absolutely right. Like if I, if somebody, if you, if somebody else had an alarm going off in their body. [S1] Yep. [S2] And they were, like, freaking out or worried or sad or upset or needing att...
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[S1] No. And I think that this is the singular biggest, like, mistake that society has made around understanding anxiety. I th- I just had a huge breakthrough here. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Holy shit, Russ. Um, okay, so let me just see if I can give this back to everybody listening. [S2] Sure. [S1] So it's the,
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