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So I was teaching my students... "Now the pOH is simple calculated by pKw- pH, where pKw is 14 at STP. If you have the hydroxide concentration, then you can express it in a logarithmic formula shown as. pOH = -log[ OH^- ]. Remember! [ OH^- ] * [ H^+ ] =1 x10^-14 is useful when figuring out unknown values."
One of m... | 577,544 |
When it comes to discipline, I think I lack concentration camp. | 577,545 |
A particle walks into a bar, but nobody is there. So he waves. | 577,546 |
Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk... Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk.
As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says,
"Vietnam, 1969."
The other points his thumb behind him and says,
"Dog shit, 20 feet b... | 577,547 |
Confucius say when mosquito land on testicle, you learn to solve problem without violence | 577,548 |
How Many Hispanics Does It Take To Hold Up A Roof? Just Juan....
| 577,549 |
So this white cis male in IT says... So this white cis male in IT says to me "I don't know what's wrong. I can SELECT from the database, but I can't UPDATE."
"Bitch, you need to check your privileges!" | 577,550 |
An old blind man walks into a bar... He sits down and begins to speak:
"How many Blondes does it take-"
A burly blonde woman nearby interrupts him "Excuse me! I'll have you know that I'm a blonde wrestler and I'm sitting here with a weightlifter, a black belt and a professional boxer who are also blonde. Are you s... | 577,551 |
What was the name of Gorilla's girlfriend Go-rilla | 577,552 |
DROP IN An 80-year-old man comes home and finds his 80-year-old wife doing a handstand, naked, against a wall.
He asks, "What are you doing?"
She responds, "I know you can't get it up, but maybe you can drop in." | 577,553 |
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one. | 577,554 |
What does a guy with a 9" cock have for breakfast? .. well this morning I had toast.... | 577,555 |
Did you hear about the overachieving masturbator? He's constantly outdoing himself. | 577,556 |
A man says in a restaurant... "Waiter, can I have the chish and fips? Whoops, I meant to say fish and chips."
The waiter replies, "Of course, sir. It's a common mistake, only this morning I meant to ask my wife what we were having for dinner and instead I said, 'You've ruined my life, you ignorant bitch.'" | 577,557 |
My family was so poor... My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with. | 577,558 |
Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. 'Mommy, I was at the playgr... | 577,559 |
Why isnt Hitler invited to any BBQs? Cuhs he burns all the franks!
Friend told me this, so im sorry if this has already been posted. | 577,560 |
A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV... A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks at her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, "Excuse us for a few minutes boys, we're going up to our room for a little while."
Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes u... | 577,561 |
Three Irishmen And Three Scots Are On A Train Three Scots and three Irishmen are traveling by train to a conference.
At the station, the three Irishmen each buy tickets and watch as the three Scots buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an Irishman.
"Watch and you'll ... | 577,562 |
So a blind man walks into a bar. No one warned him. | 577,563 |
They just found a Black guy hanging from a tree with 79 stab wounds in Alabama.... The police say it's the worst case of suicide they've ever seen | 577,564 |
A mosquito... A mosquito landed on my balls...
Hardest decision of my life. | 577,565 |
So a navy man returns to his ship after a night in port. The next morning he's shocked to find everyone speaking Russian... Whoops, wrong sub. | 577,566 |
Knock Knock Knock knock
"Who's there?"
"The pilot, let me in." | 577,567 |
What did the baker say about her co-worker who never sleeps and always smells funky? At yeast he's a fungi. | 577,568 |
Hillbilly Stripper Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor.
He performs a slow pirouette,
and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left.
He then hu... | 577,569 |
How do you make 50 old ladies go "fuck! Shout "bingo!" | 577,570 |
Did you hear about the Hindu that got murdered? He got shot in the temple. | 577,571 |
DNA and RNA DNA and RNA are best friends.
RNA always wanted to be famous.
RNA was good at his job, but people liked mutations more.
RNA quit his original job and only did mutations.
DNA noticed.
DNA walks up to RNA and says
"Ur-a-cil out." | 577,572 |
I had this sexy girl, flat on her back... I had this sexy girl, flat on her back outside a club last night. We were locking lips, it was getting passionate and hot, then some people started to gather around and watch.
To put on a show, I thought I'd slip a few fingers into her pussy while I gently kissed her neck.
Her... | 577,573 |
How to catch a brown bear First you need to dig a hole. But it's gotta be a big ass hole because you are going to fit a brown bear in there. Next you need to start a fire inside of the hole. After the fire dies completely out take the ashes from that fire and spread them all around the inside of the hole. After that ta... | 577,574 |
Why did the clown go to the doctor? Because he felt funny.
(I can't take credit for this joke, my boss's 8y/o son came up with it.) | 577,575 |
Bless me Father for I have sinned A guy went to the confessionary of an old church to confess his sins.
As customary, he did the sign of the cross, and proceeded to recite.
"Bless me Father, for I haah... Haaaaa... HACHOOOOOOOOO!!!"
And the priest said "Bless you." | 577,576 |
I always play Rooney and Suarez up front in FIFA... I always play Rooney and Suarez up front in FIFA...
I like reuniting shrek and donkey. | 577,577 |
Who were the first people not to read the apple ToC? Adam and Eve | 577,578 |
Why didn't Stalin look both ways before he crossed the road? He was rushin' | 577,579 |
What education should a private detective have? Elementary, my dear Watson. | 577,580 |
Last night my black colleague... Last night my black colleague walked away with the 'Employee of the year' award.
Luckily security stopped him at the door. | 577,581 |
BEANS & ONIONS Q: What do you get when you mix beans and onions?
A: Tear gas. | 577,582 |
Whats the definition of a tree... Whats the definition of a tree?
Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver. | 577,583 |
Bill had a problem with his elbow One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will d... | 577,584 |
"Push harder" I shouted at my wife while she was in labor... "Push harder" I shouted at my wife while she was in labor.
"Screw you" she screamed back at me.
Bit harsh I thought...... it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital! | 577,585 |
A British man visits Australia A British man visits Australia. The customs officer asks "Do you have a previous criminal history?"
The visitor replies "I didn't realize that was still a requirement" | 577,586 |
You know all those things that "Have been shown to cause cancer in the state of California"? Seems they prove the state of California causes cancer. | 577,587 |
How were people born ? A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now... | 577,588 |
Rob a bank with a Nokia How would you rob a bank with a nokia?
Walk in hold up a nokia,
Robber: Get the fuck down i gotta nokia
Lady: Holy shit hes got a nokia AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Something like that
| 577,589 |
Multitasking Whoever said women can multitask is talking bollocks.....I told my missus to sit down and shut the fuck up, she couldn't do either | 577,590 |
Why is 7 afraid of 9 because 7 8 9 | 577,591 |
3 Stages of boobs A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging... | 577,592 |
I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, *look what’s telling me that.* | 577,593 |
What's the healthiest sport a pregnant women can play? Kick boxing | 577,594 |
So a cow was running through the jungle.. An elephant stopped her and asked what's the matter?
Cow: The government has ordered to capture all bulls so i am running away
Elephant: But you are a cow , what the hell are you worried about?
Cow: I know i am a cow, but if they capture me it will take fkin 10 year... | 577,595 |
2 blondes were walking along a beach when one said, "Look! A dead bird!" The other looked up. | 577,596 |
2 penises went to watch a movie.. Penis 1: Is this an adult film?
Penis 2: Why?
Penis 1: Then we have to watch it standing up.
P.S. - xD I'm sorry, this just came to me.. | 577,598 |
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password... A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough." | 577,599 |
Did you hear about the paperboy who masturbated on the job? It was all over the news!
(Can't remember where I heard this, so sorry if its a repost) | 577,600 |
You should always buy very high end speakers It's a sound investment | 577,601 |
Two bananas are sitting on a river bank... A turd comes floating by. He looks up at the two bananas and says "come on in guys, the waters great." At this point the one banana looks at the other and says "you believe that shit?" | 577,602 |
What do you call a symphony where everyone plays at the same time instead of taking turns? An *and*chestra. | 577,603 |
A man taps the shoulder of the girl in front of him and says "excuse me, I think you have some semen on the back of your coat."... The girl looks puzzled and says "nah, that must be yoghurt or something"
"nah, it's definitely semen. I don't ejaculate yoghurt." | 577,604 |
Procrastination is like masturbation: it is fun and feels good but in the end you've only fucked yourself. | 577,606 |
So I had a plumber by recently to do some work. I tried to impress him with a pun about plumbing but I was struggling to come up with something. The plumber turned to me and said "it's ok, relax, don't faucet" | 577,607 |
What's the best type of girlfriend? My hand | 577,608 |
What's similar between an angry cow and one of the most easily detected leptonic decay channels of the z boson? They've both got a muon! | 577,609 |
I had a rash on my penis so I went to see a doctor. The receptionist said that the only doctor available was a podiatrist and asked me what my problem was so I showed her.
She said "that's not a foot" I told her that I wasn't going to argue with her over half an inch. | 577,610 |
Knock Knock *Who's there?*
9/11
*9/11 who?*
YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER FORGET | 577,611 |
A married couple were shopping when they went down the spam isle Honey I thought you liked spam why aren't we buying it any more the hubby replied remember the 3D printer abd how i have lots of spam in my inbox I'm going to 3D print my spam this will be great for the world I will save millions of lives. | 577,612 |
Justin Bieber roast during commercials Holy s**t balls.. what a roast so far. Who else is watching and laughing their a$$ off? Turns out Martha Stewart is a boss | 577,613 |
What do you call a violent, racist organization of confused Mexicans? The quequeque | 577,614 |
What did the balding thief say in the wig store? Toupée or not toupée | 577,615 |
What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't helium, and you can't curium, you might as well barium. | 577,616 |
How are Michael Jackson and McDonalds similar? They both put 40 year old meat in between 8 year old buns. | 577,617 |
The German, Englishman, Frenchmen, and American on the plane. So the German, Englishman, Frenchman, and American are on a plane. So they are sitting there and all of a sudden the pilot comes back and says "Someone is going to have to jump off the plane because the plane weighs too much and we won't make it." So the Ger... | 577,618 |
An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Irishman he says, "You're in charge of shovelling." To the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then says "Now, I h... | 577,619 |
Where's the best place for a horse to grow up? In a stable environment.
Sorry I'm high and it just came to me. | 577,620 |
My girlfriend says she'll break up with me if I don't give up writing I said, "Sorry babe. Prose before hoes." | 577,621 |
Bieber roast! Lets hear your best or should I said your worst! Calling all redditors! | 577,622 |
Casper vs kali Casper is a sarcastic kid and during his trip to india he made fun of some priests there . Those priests got offended and told the boy that goddess kali with 100 heads will teach him a lesson. As the priets said kali appered b4 the boy that night with 100 heads having a fierce look...but casper bust out... | 577,623 |
What does a gay guy and a freezer have in common? Both get packed with meat.
I'll show myself out. | 577,624 |
I put the D in I put the D in Fucking because I know that's what you really want.
-autocorrect | 577,625 |
what weighs more on the moon than on earth? a helium baloon | 577,626 |
What do you call jokes about bread? buns | 577,627 |
I have a friend named miles But he moved to Europe so now he goes by Kilometers. | 577,628 |
What did the hungry dyslexic order at the movie theater? Cop porn
* This is probably already a joke but I'm experiencing a huge coffee crash so it was hilarious to me. | 577,630 |
A crazy girlfriend is like a box chocolates, They will both kill your dog. | 577,631 |
I'm sick and tired of hearing Jew jokes! Anne Frankly, none of them are even that good. | 577,632 |
Two men are talking about their friend... Jerry: That Alan's a right wanker isn't he?
Paul: Yeah, haha
Jerry: Remember that time when he bought a tub of butter and smeared it on himself?
Paul: Yeah, haha
Jerry: And that time he pissed in the neighbours yard?
Paul: Yeah, haha
Jerry: And that time he made himself l... | 577,633 |
This situation happened to me today and it seems like an unfinished joke. Help me with a punchline Two lesbians and two straight men are in an elevator together. A gay guy enters on the next floor and says to one of the lesbains, "I just had food poisoning this weekend. I can't keep anything down." | 577,634 |
A young boy named Timmy constantly gets bullied at school for having a very high voice .... so one day he finally decides enough is enough and he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells Timmy that his voice will never get deeper naturally, but, he can make it deeper by shoving a special plug in his butt. Timmy is ecstat... | 577,635 |
What is scariest type of horse? A nightmare.
I'll find my way out. | 577,636 |
Did you hear that the Vatican elected a new Pope? Never mind, they were just blowing smoke. | 577,637 |
What happens when you don't pay your exorcist? You get repossessed. | 577,638 |
Why was the blind teacher fired? She didn't have any pupils. | 577,639 |
What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller | 577,640 |
i work in the elevator business. It has it's ups and downs. | 577,641 |
Was sagt der große Stift zum kleinen Stift? Wachsmalstift | 577,642 |
What's bad about being a black Jew? You have to sit in the back of the oven. | 577,643 |
What does a woman trucker and a hockey team have in common? They both shower after 3 periods! | 577,644 |
A kid has a pear-shaped head The poor kid is feeling down because everyone at school teases him about his pear-shaped head. One day he can no longer take the teasing and says to the kids teasing him, "I can't help having a pear-shaped head, my mom ate a pear when she was pregnant with me."
"That's not how it works," on... | 577,645 |
I like my beer like I like me sex slaves..... Imported | 577,646 |
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