text stringlengths 3 40k | __index_level_0__ int64 0 579k |
|---|---|
What is a prostitute's favorite region of America? The Bayou | 577,647 |
What do you call a cat crossed with a canary? a cosh(x/a) | 577,648 |
Wife's Anniversary present A wife had been hinting at her husband that she wanted something really fast for their anniversary.. Something that goes from 0 to 80 in 3 seconds. The husband got her a scale. | 577,650 |
3 Presidents are in a Plane So three presidents are in a plane, an American one, a French one, and a Mexican one. As they were flying, the American president stuck his hand out (one of those windowless planes), and said "hey, were in America!" The French president asks how did he know they were in America, and the American president says, "because when I stuck my hand out, I felt the top of the empire state building." A short while later, the French president sticks his hand out and say "Hey, we are in France!" The Mexican president asks him about how he knew, and the French president said, "when I stuck my hand out I felt the top of the Eiffel tower. A short while later the Mexican president sticks his hand out and says "hey, were in Mexico!" The American president asks him how he knew, and to this the Mexican President replied,"Well, I stuck my hand out and when I pulled it back in, my watch disappeared." | 577,651 |
What did one pencil say to the other? 2B or not 2B? | 577,652 |
Kylie Jenner and a jigsaw puzzle Kylie Jenner was exhausted from doing nothing all week, so she thought she would relax over the weekend and do a 5 piece jigsaw puzzle. After three days Kylie finished the puzzle and showed it to her mother Kris. Kris immediately called the Guinness book of Records. Guinness sent a representative to check the record. "What did Kylie do ?". Kris replied "Kylie did a 5 piece puzzle in 3 days." "How is that a record" said the representative. Kris replied "Well it says 3 to 5 years on the box".
All credit goes to someone on Yahoo by the username Fuzzy. Just had to share! | 577,653 |
Post your best racist joke here I'll start: I tried to paint my computer black so it would run faster but now it doesn't work! | 577,654 |
What did the male cat say to the female cat. Damn girl you looking feline. | 577,655 |
Two farmers are having an argument... ...and after squabbling for an hour, they decided to compare their most prized possessions.
The first farmer says, "Look at the size of my cock! Isn't it big?"
The second farmer looks at his cock and says, "Mine's bigger, and is constantly surrounded by chicks." | 577,656 |
Weight loss How can you help a fat person lose a quick 300 pounds?
Give them a gun | 577,657 |
I like my eggs like I like my women Beaten | 577,658 |
3 guys V the Taliban These 3 guys were working in Afghanistan and got captured by the Taliban . In attempt of fairness, they were told to pick an animal in which they could make their escape. However, the Taliban would chase them, and if they were caught, they would die.
The first guy choose a horse. He jumped onto the horses back, and rode as fast as he could. Unfortunately it wasn't fast enough, and the Taliban caught him, and killed him.
The second guy thought that a camel would be more suited to the desert than a horse, and so he choose that. However, after a short chase, the Taliban caught him, and killed him too.
The last guy choose a duck. He then attached 4 springs to the underside of the duck, jumped on the ducks back, flipped off the Taliban, and sped off into the distance. No matter how fast the Taliban chased, he was zooming way off into the distance, and he escaped.
Once he reached home, he headed for the first bar he could find. He walked in, with the duck under his arm and asked for a whiskey. The barman, a little perplexed asked him what was the story with the duck and the springs. The guy replied
"Ahhh, 4 sprung duck technique" | 577,659 |
So I bought a fragrant candle the other day, but when I lit it nothing happened... It just didn't make scents. | 577,660 |
Knock Knock "Who's there" Knock "Knock Who?" Knock Knock | 577,661 |
My friend and I were at a talent show And he thought the current act on stage was finished so he started clapping loudly until he realized he was the only one clapping and was really embarrassed.
I leaned over to him and said "it's ok man, a lot of guys suffer from premature jubilation".
True story | 577,662 |
Boys go to Mars to get more candy bars. Girls go to Venus to get more penis. | 577,663 |
Do you like pudding? Bill Cosby like pudding his dick where it didn't belong. | 577,664 |
My friend thinks the newly married couple of #s 4 and 9 are a boring one. I told him that's normal as they are pretty square. | 577,665 |
Did you hear Princess Diana divorced her husband? She heard a ruler was supposed to have 12 inches. | 577,666 |
Why does it take so long for a nun to get her clothes? It takes 21 days to make a habit. | 577,667 |
I told my girlfriend I'm JFK Because I'm the king of cum-a-lot | 577,668 |
Two bee keepers are chatting.... "How many Bees do you have?"
"10,000"
"How many hives?"
"10"
"cool"
"What about you? how many bees do you have?"
"A million"
"Wow and how many hives?"
"1"
"You've got a million bees in 1 hive!?"
"yeah fuck em, they're only bees" | 577,669 |
A lazy man's aparment is dirty... and as he watches TV he sees an advertisement for pets that can clean a house with ease from the local pet shop
The next morning the man walks in and asks about the pets. The shopkeeper gives him a monkey and says "your house will be spotless". The man takes the monkey home and the monkey cleans for about 20 minutes. The man goes to the bathroom, comes back, and sees the monkey has flung his shit all over the apartment, worsening the apartment's condition.
The next day the angered man goes back to the pet shop, demanding a refund and plans on just getting a cleaning service to get rid of the shit in his apartment. The shopkeeper is deeply sorry and gives the man a llama for free, promising a more successful result. The man goes back to the apartment with the llama, who diligently cleans the shit. The man, satisfied and sure that the llama will finish the rest of the apartment over night, goes to bed. The man wakes up the next morning and there is spit all over the apartment and his belongings are thrown across the floors.
Pissed off at this point, the man storms back to the pet shop. The shopkeeper pleads to give him one more chance, guaranteeing that his prized millipede will do the job. The man takes the millipede back to the apartment. All day the millipede works his behind off cleaning the apartment, not missing a single spot. Around 10 PM the millipede is done, and the man goes to bed, praying nothing to happen overnight.
Nothing does, and the man wakes up the next morning to the millipede's breakfast spread. The man eats the perfect dish of bacon and eggs. He is about to go get the paper when the millipede volunteers to do so. Surprised by the millipede's insistence to help the lazy man, he sits down and watches a movie. Three hours later, the millipede hasn't returned with the paper! The man is worried and curious and peeks out the door to see if the millipede ran for freedom.
He opens the door and sees the millipede. He asks,
"Hey, Mr. Millipede... what are you doing? I've been waiting for a simple newspaper for three hours."
The millipede responds "I'm tying my shoes..." | 577,670 |
When Magnesium and Oxygen started dating I was like, "O MG!" | 577,671 |
what is hitler's favorite font heilvetica | 577,672 |
I sometimes love math jokes.... 50% of the time they put me in a positive mood | 577,673 |
A friend asked me, Is there a black Greek god?.. Nike | 577,674 |
¿Has oído hablar de ese país con la guerra civil? No te rías. ¡Es sería! | 577,675 |
Two cows are standing in a field... Two cows are standing in a field enjoying some hay when the first cows looks to the second cow and says, "Hey, have you heard about this Mad Cow disease?" "No," says the second cow, "what is it?"
"Well apparently, it's something awful. It's supposedly makes us go crazy and it spreads like wildfire!"
"Gosh! That sounds horrible!" says the second cow. "It's a good thing I'm a helicopter!" | 577,676 |
What is the definition of a good farmer? A man outstanding in his field. | 577,677 |
my daughter is 3. her joke about spiders: Spiders make Websites.
she's not wrong. | 577,678 |
The Priest's Rooster The Priest of a small village was very fond of his flock of ten hens and a cockerel.
He kept them in a hen house behind the parish, but one Saturday night, the cockerel was missing.
The priest, suspecting fowl play decided to say something about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation, has anyone got a cock? To which all the men stood up.
"No,no," he said, somewhat flustered, "that's not what I meant. "Has anybody SEEN a cock?" All the women stood up.
"No, no," he said. "Thats not what I meant either. Has anyone seen a cock that doesn't belong to them." Half the women stood up.
"No, no," He said, now thoroughly embarrassed "Perhaps I should rephrase the question: Has anybody here seen MY cock?" All the choirboys stood up. | 577,679 |
What do you call a horny Welshman on top of the Space Needle? Sheepless in Seattle | 577,680 |
What is the meanest thing you could do to a blind person ? Leave the plunger on the toilet. | 577,681 |
Why are the other numbers afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9. | 577,682 |
I have an epileptic friend... He's a jerk... | 577,683 |
Three ladies on a park bench "There are three birds on a wire," the female teacher says, "and one gets shot down. how many are left?"
"None," says Johnny.
"Why do you say that Johnny?"
"Because the gunshot would scare the others away."
"Well. the correct answer is two, but I like the way you think, Johnny."
"I've got one for you teacher. There are three ladies sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. The first one licks her cone, the second one nibbles it and the third one sucks it. Which one do you think is married?"
"The one who sucks it?"
"No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like the way you think." | 577,684 |
Did you hear about the scam artist born with only one testicle? The doctors say it's a congenital defect. | 577,685 |
Just heard Barrack Obama's main writer has been killed.. Sources reporting that he is currently speechless. | 577,686 |
A bowl of cornflakes walks into a bar The barman says "get out, we don't serve breakfast here" | 577,687 |
A blond chick gets a new tattoo... So later at the bar with her friends she hikes up her skirt to show off a conch shell tattooed high on her inner thigh, near her snootch.
One of her friends asks, "Why did you get it so on your thigh?"
"So that when you put your ear against it, you can smell the ocean." | 577,688 |
Saw a sign that said "piso mojado" and all I could think about was . . how that piso just came here to do the work Americans pisos don't want to do. | 577,689 |
Have you heard about the mutant mathematicians? They're multiplying! | 577,690 |
How many Super Saiyans does it take to screw in a light bulb? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON DRAGONBALL ZEEEEE!
(I really hope this isn't a repost) | 577,691 |
What do you call a computer programmer that likes to kidnap children? A PDFile. | 577,692 |
A young guy is sitting... On a park bench across from an old man. He pulls out a chocolate bar and wolfs it down. He proceeds to this a few times.
After the fifth bat, the old man shouts over to him: "You know that's your fifth bar of chocolate? That's mot very healthy, you'll het acne and all sorts of health problems!"
The young guy shouts bah: "Oh yeah? I'll have you know my grandfather lived to 95."
"What, ny eating five bats of chocolate a day?"
"No, replied the young fella "by minding his own fucking business!" | 577,693 |
Two men dress up as women. Shots fired at NSA HQ. | 577,694 |
What do dyslexic zombies want to eat? Brians | 577,696 |
A recently fired stock trader said.. A recently fired stock trader said , "This is worse than divorce I have lost everything and I still have my wife..."
*I'll show myself out* | 577,697 |
Did you see the Stevie Wonder joke on reddit today? Neither did he. | 577,698 |
Why did Billy Joel get acquitted? Because he didn't start the fire. | 577,699 |
OP figured out one weird trick to get more upvotes. You'll be astonished! Redditors hate him!! | 577,700 |
So two bits... grab a byte at the space bar. | 577,701 |
Hitler and his men are having a meeting. Hitler: We will kill 6 million Jews and 1 clown.
Men: Why the clown?
Hitler: See! I told you nobody cares about the Jews! | 577,702 |
Why did the chicken cross the road To get away from her abusive cock of a husband | 577,703 |
The best anniversary present A woman went into a novelty store and asked if they had anything interesting that she could get her husband for their anniversary. The man reached under the counter and said "I have just the thing", as he lifted up a caged frog. He said this frog is great, it gives amazing blow jobs, so you'll never have to do it again. The woman was so excited, she bought the frog and took it right to her husband.
Later that night she woke up to the sound of pots and pans clanking around in the kitchen, so she ran in there and said what the hell is going on in here?
Her husband responded, "As soon as I teach this frog how to do the dishes you're out of here!" | 577,704 |
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? *gargling noise* | 577,705 |
Two Leprechauns Knock on the Door of a Convent. The Mother Superior answers.
"Em, 'scuse me, Mother Superior," the first leprechaun says, "but you aren't after having any midget nuns in this convent?"
"Why, no little man" says she, "we have no midget nuns in this convent."
"Sure there aren't any midget nuns in the south of Ireland?"
"No, little man"
"Sure there aren't any midget nuns in the north of Ireland?"
"No, little man."
"So, yer tellin' us, Mother Superior, that in all of Ireland, there are no midget nuns?"
"Yes, as far as I know in all of Ireland, there are no midget nuns." The line of questioning becoming tiresome, the Mother Superior closes the door and goes away.
One leprechaun turns to the other and says, "Ah, well ye see, Seamus, I told you it was a penguin we fooked." | 577,706 |
I always wear an athletic cup. It's over-protection in a nut shell. | 577,707 |
Food, Family and Philosophy A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they go for a picnic in the park. A beautiful pond in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds.
He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: "Do you like potato pancakes?" She says "No," and the silence returns.
After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?" | 577,708 |
A nurse goes to retrieve a heart from cold storage to be used in a future surgery. the heart she was looking for was up on a high shelf, and as she went to retrieve it, the shelf tips over, she loses her balance and all the hearts stored on that shelf fall on top of her.
The investigation afterwards concluded she died of a heart attack. | 577,709 |
What is it called when two little people get divorced? Daworfed | 577,710 |
Being a penis is rough Your roommates are nuts, your neighbor is an ass hole, your best friend is a pussy, and your owner strangles you every night until you throw up! | 577,711 |
I told my dad I didn't want to walk all the way there... ...He said: "That's a lame excuse". | 577,712 |
It's all shits and giggles until........ someone giggles and shits | 577,713 |
when people post the punchline in the title You know what I hate? | 577,714 |
Did you know that a sound of 100 decibels... Did you know that a sound of 1000 decibels takes enough energy to create a black hole large enough to swallow the universe?
So don't show my wife a spider. | 577,715 |
A Little Boy and His Chores A Little boy sits down and ask his mom for breakfast. The mom ask "have you done your chores?" He pouts and says, "no, chores are dumb" The mom says he can't have breakfast until they're done
So the boy walks outside and walks over to the cow and begins milking her. While doing so he gets pissed and kicks the cow and walks away. He then walks over to the Chickens and begins gathering the eggs, and once again he gets pissed and kicks the chickens. Finally he walks over to the pigs and doesn't even try, he just kicks the pig.
He runs back inside and ask his mom for breakfast. She throws down a piece of bread. The little boy ask why. She says, "you kicked the cow so no milk for 2 weeks, you kicked the chicken so no eggs for 2 weeks and you kicked the pigs so no bacon for 2 weeks.
A few minutes later the dad walks into the kitchen and trips on the cat. The dad gets pissed and kicks the cat across the room. The boy turns to his mom and says, "should I tell him or do you want to" | 577,716 |
What's a mathematician's favorite kind of music? Logarithms | 577,717 |
An elderly woman rang her husband while he was driving... He heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Darling, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way down the freeway, please be careful!"
He replied, "There's not just one car, there's hundreds of them!" | 577,718 |
Candlelight is romantic until... Candlelight is romantic until she realizes your electricity has been shut off. | 577,719 |
What do you get when you merge Revenge with Grey's Anatomy? Graysonatomy. | 577,720 |
It really annoys me when new Redditors act like they know everything about Reddit. SO I always click dislike on their posts. | 577,721 |
What are some (appropriate) ginger jokes I can use in an entertaining speech? I'm making an entertaining speech for my speech and drama class and I'm having trouble coming up with jokes and funny content to add into it. I'm a ginger myself, but I am really not a funny person so appropriate ginger jokes would be appreciated! | 577,722 |
The British have unknowingly figuered out politics Countries or as the British call it "Cunt-Trees", as the name suggests, are trees that grow Cunts. When the Cunt-Tree sprouts it takes some time for it to reach the age where it can bare fruit. Eventually the Cunt-Tree will be full of cunts and some of cunts will reach full maturity and start to fall and be noticed. When people notice that the cunt tree is full of cunts they shake the tree as the cunt fruit is known to spoil the soil and poison the animals. The bigger the Cunt-Tree, the more difficult it is to shake the cunts off or get rid of the tree completely. The people's rejoice over their victory over the cunts is short lived as the Cunt-Tree will inevitably grow back a new set of cunts.
-Bluemountainbike | 577,723 |
Did you hear about the new wine that the Taliban is selling in the US to help fund its war efforts? They call it "White Infidel." | 577,724 |
I didn't much like being a vegetarian It was just one missed steak after another | 577,725 |
Walk into the men's room and... A husband is walking through the mall with his wife when he suddenly realizes that he really has to pee. The couple walk down to the other end of the mall to the restrooms and the husband enters. When he walks in he notices only 2 urinals, and standing in front of one is a man with no arms. He approaches the open one to do his business but before he can get started the armless man says, "hey buddy, can you give me a hand? I've been standing here for about fifteen minutes and I'm about to piss myself." The husband does not like where this is going but knows he will feel terrible guilt for the rest of the day if he doesn't help this poor guy. So he says, "sure, what do you need me to do." The armless man replies, "could you just unzip my fly for me and pull it out?" "The husband sighs, nods and squeamishly reaches forward to unzip the man and pull out his penis. To his horror, he pulls it out to discover the most putrid and disgusting thing he has ever seen. Barely resembling a penis, it is red, purple, covered in boils, bumps and puss. The no armed man proceeds to relieve himself through a stream of urine and blood for over a minute while the husband looks away and tries to keep from vomiting. After he has finished and the husband has put it away and unzipped the armless man graciously thanks the husband and begins to walk toward the exit. The husband replies, "no problem but can i ask you a question?" "Sure" says the man. "Why does your dick look like that?" Heading for he exit the man pops his arms out from under his shirt and says, "the fuck if I know, but I'm not touching it!" | 577,726 |
What's the difference between a Jew and a boy scout? A boy scout comes home from camp.
| 577,727 |
clean jokes What did one cookie say to the other cookie ? You've got a chip on your shoulder.
What did the deer say to the bear? Your unbearable | 577,728 |
In a medieval kingdom... There's a force of Knights who dominated the land - you could always tell if they were about to attack you, because they would chuck a giant rock with a war symbol on it before they arrived to kill. Hence, they became known as the 'signs'. They had two forces: a main force, but then a company who would travel beside them, and supply them.
One morning, a man shows up named 'Juan', and challenges the signs. The signs laughed, and thought they needed only their squires to defeat him. The main force sent their squire, but the company of the signs sent their squire as well. The three men battled their hearts out, but at the end of the fight, they were all worn out, and couldn't lift a finger - they had come to a draw. The next day, the two squires attacked Juan again, same result - the next day, the same. This went on and on, until the leader of the signs declared a truce.
It just goes to show that the squire of a sign and the squire of a co-sign are always equal to Juan. | 577,729 |
What did Helen Keller say when she picked up a cheese grater? That was the most violent book I've ever read.......... | 577,731 |
I just received an email titled $50 TO SEE JUSTIN BIEBER LIVE I'm really the wrong person to email for these kind of ransoms. | 577,732 |
I helped deliver a baby baby liver is delicious | 577,733 |
A blind man walks into a bar... ...and a chair...and a table. | 577,734 |
A teacher is teaching a class.. A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!" | 577,735 |
What's the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain? So you're the one! | 577,736 |
A midget from Texas was experiencing constant pain in his crotch area. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia. "Hmm..." mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again.
"Aha!" said the doctor, and reached for his surgical scissors.
Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side... then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side. The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt.
The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his testicles were no longer aching.
The doctor said, "How does that feel now?"
The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it. What did you do?"
The doctor replied "I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots." | 577,737 |
There's this crazy dude who makes a living spouting gibberish all day But the crazy thing is he only gets paid in dollar bills
He makes no sense | 577,738 |
Two cannibals are eating a guy... They decide to split him up into halves. One cannibal takes the top and the other takes the bottom. The cannibal on the bottom asks the one eating the top half how it tastes.
"Good, can't complain." he replies
The cannibal on top asks the cannibal eating the lower half how it's going.
"Great! I'm having a ball!" | 577,739 |
Why aren't there any jokes about Jim Jones? The punchlines are too long. | 577,740 |
I was telling a joke to my friend with dwarfism I became pretty awkward because it went right over his head. | 577,741 |
Blowjobs did not live up to my expectations. They suck. | 577,742 |
Why don't eggs like comedians? Cause they always crack them up | 577,743 |
A man is playing a terrible round of golf. On one hole, he slices his drive off into the woods. While searching for his ball, he comes upon a Witch. The Witch says " How's your golf game?" " Terrible" he says " Look how far I've sliced it into the woods. I've been so bad lately" " I've got a spell I can put on you" Says the Witch "But it is going to affect your sex life" The Man replies " I would much rather have a great golf game. Give me the spell" The Witch casts her spell. The man finds his ball and hits an unbelievable 3 wood out of the woods and onto the green. He finishes his round out with his best score ever. Within a year, He has joined the PGA and has won three tournaments. He finds himself playing a tournament on the same course where he first met the Witch. He notices her in the crowd following him and walks up to her. " How's your golf game" Says the Witch "Fantastic! I'm winning tournaments and have a couple of million in the bank!" "How's your sex life" She asks. He says" It's great, I've had sex already ten times this year" "That's not very much" answers the Witch. He says" Not bad for a small town priest" | 577,744 |
I make rabbit tuxedos for a living. I'm a hare-dresser. | 577,745 |
A blonde gets on an airplane A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot. The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica." | 577,746 |
There was once a psych researcher with a rare genetic defect that gave her four buttocks. She was fired for being bi-assed. | 577,748 |
[Remembering] Today is the 10th anniversary of the passing of Mitch Hedberg Share some of your favorite Hedberg lines! Personally, I quote these ones the most:
"I have not slept for ten days because that would be too long."
"I used to do drugs. I still do. But I used to, too!" | 577,749 |
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: 'Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through. So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. '
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman... He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, Awakened the kids, Set out their school clothes, Fed them breakfast, Packed their lunches, Drove them to school, Came home and picked up the dry cleaning, Took it to the cleaners And stopped at the bank to make a deposit, Went grocery shopping, Then drove home to put away the groceries, Paid the bills and balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.. Then, it was already 1 P.M. And he hurried to make the beds, Do the laundry, vacuum, Dust, And sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework. Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, He cleaned the kitchen, Ran the dishwasher, Folded laundry, Bathed the kids, And put them to bed. At 9 P.M. He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: - Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, Oh! Please, let us trade back.. Amen!' The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. But you'll have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night". | 577,750 |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.