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Hey all!
Wondering if anyone has experienced similar….
I know that there’s other factors in my life that are contributing to this feeling, but since my diagnosis and struggle to find meds that work for me I’ve been feeling increasingly depressed and anxious.
I knew for a while I had ADHD, but it actually took someone walking me through the process to actually get a diagnosis. And when I did I was elated, relieved and a little p!ssed off in all honesty! I’ve struggled for so long and been palmed off with a typical anxiety/depression diagnosis when actually, looking back, I know it was probably stemming from untreated ADHD.
I recently failed one of my modules for Open Uni despite excelling in all other areas of the course because I just CAN’T learn it. Like, I TRY. But brain says NOPE!
I guess now I know why I can’t focus, but it still doesn’t change the situation.
There ARE other factors, but I feel like i was quite capable of dealing with everything else and then along comes ADHD for SURE and I’m falling apart.
I guess I’m just wondering if this is just the straw that broke the camel’s back, or if it’s something others have experienced being diagnosed in adulthood?
If you got this far in my rambling, I thank you. Just really need to get it off my chest….
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ADHD
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So I was diagnosed with PTSD a few weeks ago when I remembered some repressed memories of SA. I am doing better now but it is still somewhat difficult. I was mainly paranoid and numb the first weeks and then I calmed down a bit. But sometimes I have these fight reactions when the memories creep in and I will grab something to defend myself with. I know no one is there but it’s like my body naturally does that even though I don’t ever remember fighting back, all though the all memories haven’t come back yet so idk if I ever fought back. It’s like a reflex or something. I was wondering if anyone else does this as well?
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ptsd
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So I've been off my medication for a while but I just got the clear to start them again. While I have been on a break from it I've been taking multivitamins. I read somewhere that you can't take multivitamins an hour before or after taking ADHD medication. It went on to read that it lessens the effectiveness of the pill. Does anybody know how many hours before or after taking coaster do you can safely take a multivitamin.
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ADHD
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Lost it. Never looked for help to deal with my mental health when I needed it the most. Maybe that fucked me up and got me where I am now.
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depression
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Hi again, all!
I’ve always had nausea associated with my panic and anxiety attacks, but this past week I’ve been developing nausea and some odd lightheadedness around the same time every day. There doesn’t seem to be anything to trigger it aside from the time. Does anyone else have this random nausea? I very heavily suspect it’s due to some underlying trigger setting it off (I just moved a couple of weeks ago, and change like that is a major trigger point for me), but I can’t quite pinpoint what it is or how to deal with it. It’s really bothering me—no one likes nausea.
If anyone has some advice, I’ll gladly take it!
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ptsd
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I keep obsessing over my past, getting intense anxiety and I just don't know how to get through it. Rumination doesn't work to get rid of the anxiety, neither does reassurance. I'm just stuck in constant anixety now and no complusions work.
Please please, give me a success story. Mine is Real Event OCD.
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OCD
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I’ve done basically nothing for months besides lay in bed, getting up just to eat or use the bathroom. Don’t see any point to doing anything, don’t get enjoyment from anything. Wish I would just disappear.
Looking for some insight to wether I’m actually depressed or just philosophically not interested in life. I wish I was interested in things so I could be normal like everyone else but not sure if everyone else feels the same about life but is able to manage it. Basically I have some form of imposter syndrome around this depression.
On 450 mg of Wellbutrin and 10 mg lexapro. Haven’t felt any differences besides sexual side effects and vivid dreams. Also not sure if meds are working or if I just can’t tell they are working if that makes sense.
I tried to kill myself a couple of months ago by drinking a large bottle of vodka within a short time period but failed to do so. Wish it had worked. I still want to not be alive but am scared of the pain of dying, feel guilt about effect on others and just don’t have the energy to do it.
I feel hopeless yet have a very small sliver of hope that some medication will kickstart me to see the point in living so I can start spiraling in the opposite direction, but I’m pretty sure I’m stuck like this and will just have to force myself to do things without caring at some point. Sorry for the scattered thoughts, that’s another problem.
Not sure what I’m looking for posting this, seems as pointless as everything else. Wish anyone else struggling the best.
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depression
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Hey everyone, i have adult ADHD C-type and for financial reasons i can't get any therapy or medications.
so of course i am struggling everyday in college and achieving career goals, i tried to schedule all the tasks and go on a routine but i am still struggling so bad, i feel the nerves in my head are gonna explode during the lecs/ study time.
I was wondering how can i get better without any therapy or medications. Thanks in advance
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ADHD
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So for context, I am undiagnosed, therefore not on medication. I know I am primarily inattentive, I just am still on a waitlist to get officially diagnosed, as the therapist I was with previously was unable to do ADHD assessments. I also work for a call centre type job so I am constantly ringing people, reading the same script, having the same conversations.
While I adore the work I'm doing and the cause it benefits and the team is great, I find myself struggling to focus throughout the day and I seem to feel like time goes sooooo slowly. Therefore making me dread work.
Any tips on staying focused while working?
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ADHD
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ever since ocd became a possible diagnosis for me (am now officially diagnosed), every time i do my physical rituals, i am aware of what i’m doing and now i feel like because i am aware of what i’m doing, i am purposely making myself do them & ‘faking my symptoms’. i just feel like i’m faking everything because i’m aware of what i’m doing and it doesn’t feel subconscious anymore ?
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OCD
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I’m currently in a really bad sleep schedule i sleep around 5-6am and wake up at about 4pm! I do wake up a lot in between those hours though! But even after 10 hours of sleep i still feel tired and like i need a nap and have zero energy to sit and do anything except scroll on my phone! Does anyone have any tips on how they got through depression fatigue and any tips to increase energy?
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depression
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im sad and depressed because I am going to miss prom and I cannot walk for another 418 days and my friend makes fun of me for being a crippled
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depression
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(It's worded like this because I wrote it to myself)
I hate having aspergers. I know people try to pretend that it's a good thing to have it but in reality the negatives far outweigh the positives. The positives are you hear everything all the time which can be useful unless your hearing people making fun of your trousers because they think you can't hear them and hearing everything makes it difficult to sleep at night. Another positive could be a better memory which I'm sure would be useful in the workplace if you miraculously get a job but at the moment it's only being used to answer questions from quiz TV shows.
Some of the negatives include not being able to communicate with other people effectively, not being able to form normal human relationships, getting stressed out by little things that other people wouldn't notice or care about, having thoughts and opinions but not being able to verbally express them but for a quiet mumble every now and then that people would mishear or not hear at all causing you to lose any confidence you had left, your head is a prison you will never escape and no one will ever truly know you not even yourself.
When I say I don't want to have aspergers or something along those lines people say that is a part of me and without it I wouldn't be me, if that is the case I don't want to be me.
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aspergers
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Two days ago I was involved in a head on car accident it was at a Triway sort of shaped like a Y shaped road where you make a left or right turn and I was heading towards it the thing to me was there was a stop sign but it was facing in the direction of making a right turn my mistake was not stopping for it since it was a stop sign in general for going towards that direction. I didn’t stop for it and it happened in a split second view of the ladies car hitting me to the left going in the opposite direction, we came to a hard impact halt in the middle of the road the airbags came out there was smoke too I was sort of in a catatonic state for a few seconds there’s a couple that came by immediately to help and I was already shaking my head at myself since I knew it was my fault indefinitely so I got out of the car and immediately I head straight over to where the lady was and she was struggling to get out of the car thank God that couple helped out I just told them honestly it’s my fault and I kept on asking “ma’am are you OK I’m so sorry” I guess were both in shock but we both knew that we weren’t seriously injured in any way I wasn’t crying but I was sure in a guilty and panicked state and the cops were called and handled the situation. I’m 20 and I just got my license and this was my second time out on the road on my own and I just kept on telling the officers I was so stupid and they kept reassuring me that accidents like these happened but even now I can’t tell myself “that these things just happen” We both showed our IDs, insurance information, car paperwork and they were handling traffic and called a towing truck I had overwhelming mixed feelings of guilt, astonishment, disbelief, melancholy, and shame. I’d say it was overstimulation too to me it was so chaotic and so consequential like I just made the worst decision in my life. Like I was a huge failure and I just inconvenienced everyone around me especially because of the debris, the leaking antifreeze and oil I don’t know how I got through it but I called my mom that it happened and she came over if it wasn’t for her always being there for me I don’t know what I’d do. I seemed to shake the crash off just fine physically and mentally but I do have symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder with uncontrollable shakingness, shortness of breath, a void in my head like there’s a crater, impeding doom, intrusive thoughts, and well some chest bruises and broken blood vessels. I felt like a lost cause in this world like always especially at that moment since I don’t feel like I was meant for this world especially one where motor vehicles is the only reliable transportation hell I don’t even think I’m good enough to have my recently acquired license after this. The lady was fine but I feel like I ruined her life but we talked the whole time I made sure she was all right she was crying somewhat but she seem to have it under control and I made sure to ask if she was OK at every turn she let me know that this wasn’t her first accident I think she could tell that I was I was feeling totally at fault all the way and probably saw how young I was. Luckily for the both of us we had the same insurance Progressive. I’m also feeling like shit when it comes to finances for the both of us my car was 20 years old and going down the gutter anyways but I feel like shit too because my mom has to pay for the $210 fine which ain’t that bad I guess and lady will get a new vehicle thankfully it’s just I feel like I inconvenienced everyone including myself I ain’t really concerned with myself though when it’s times like these and I haven’t had one of these situations in a while where my core was shook I tend to disregard myself. The lady was really sweet and nice she worked for TSA at the airport and she was from Germany and had moved here when she was five and I’m German too so we got a little bit of a cultural shared moment which was nice I even joked about how a situation like this we came to meet, my mom gave her a ride to a McDonald’s we helped her carry her things and the lady‘s parents picked her up she even spoke a little German which I understood. I’m sorry if my wording makes no sense and it seems too long I’m using speech to text I guess my point is that it’s not the worst decision in my life and accidents really do happen like this you don’t mean for them but I will own up to my mistake and I will do BETTER with doubting myself about unfamiliar roads. I’m probably being a little too hard on myself too so I will go easy on myself it’s just reliving those thoughts and experiences I want better for myself and my actions in a world where those emotions seem to be thrown out the window but as I said I had a close call so my worries will be focused on more important things and not trivial things.
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aspergers
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So I saw a new psychiatrist and after a decade after the actual event, I have been diagnosed with PTSD... like syndrome. What does that even mean?
In the appointment she said ‘yes that’s PTSD’ but when I got the paperwork after it says PTSD like syndrome.
When she said it was PTSD, I felt immediately validated, terrified, but like it made sense, but now it says ‘like syndrome’ and it’s like several step backwards. Am I just overreacting here?
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ptsd
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I’m looking for advice. I have OCD (symptom of C-PTSD). Mostly contamination/intrusive thoughts around health anxiety. My doctor was furloughed during Covid and moved onto another unknown practice. My new doctor does not understand my OCD. I’m in therapy and my OCD is getting better to the point that I can do to the doctor for check ups. 6 years ago the thought made my stomach turn. I went to my GP for a physical to stop some of my thoughts/rituals and the appointment set me back. I was wondering if anyone had tips on how to find a doctor that understands OCD and is sensitive to accommodations that go along with it. Maybe I’m searching incorrectly or there isn’t a way, but I thought I’d ask. Thanks I’m advance for any advice.
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OCD
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I (37M) am getting tested for ADHD today. I don't know what to expect but I've read some posts on here that have certainly been a big help knowing I'm not alone. Never once did I think that this was a possibility, but as I've struggled my entire life with a lot of the symptoms I just assumed I was...well, broken. Been married for 13 years and working most of my adult life, but it wasn't until the past few years my memory started to worsen, to the point that my boss noticed. But if I'm being honest I just got really good at hiding it, and controlling perceptions. And it's been exhausting, to the point that I couldn't take another day of waking up having to answer for the 1000th time the question posed to me by others that says - "don't you remember, we talked about xyz?" I've done my best since high school some 20 years ago to pull those memory puppet strings with teachers, professors, bosses, friends...even my wife, like trying to sing a song with a friend and singing the words a half second slower, but just quick enough to make it seem like you remember.
So as those memory issues compounded I decided to go have a talk with my doctor and honestly was hoping it was a tumor...something at least that gives a reason for all this shit. As I described my symptoms (including hyper focusing and the rest) and I just painted the overall picture, my doctor recommended getting evaluated for ADHD. I went home to my wife and as we talked and researched over the course of several weeks, everything seemed to line up. Like...lined up almost to the point that I was reading an "About Me" profile. So today I have my appointment. And I'm both oddly hopeful and scared shitless at the same time, although not scared in the sense of getting a diagnosis, but scared that nothing will be wrong and it's just.... me. I guess one advantage of waiting until 37 is that if this goes belly up, I've already dealt with this for 20+ years....what's another 20+ more. Anyway I was really glad to come across this subreddit. Not sure if there's much advice to be given other than to do whatever the hell they say and see what the results are, but I just wanted to share my story and say I appreciate coming across this subreddit.
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ADHD
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I've decided I've had enough and I'm going to look for a therapist. I'm on 100mg Zoloft and it's done fuck all. My problem is that when I try to find OCD therapists near me it's a little tough (I don't live in a big city).
I could drive an hour to someone that looks a little more specialized in OCD and if it comes to that I will, but has anyone had any luck with a more generalized therapist when dealing with OCD?
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OCD
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Hello! New here…
I learned to mask very well at a young age but I have found that since the pandemic started and with restrictions being relaxed and going out a bit more, I am unable to mask as well as I used to. Actually, because I’ve been masking for so long, I feel like I have new autistic traits showing that either I wasn’t fully aware of before or just showed up. Could this be due to lack of exposure to neurotypicals to mimic? It has even prompted family to point out that I seem “different” even though personally I don’t feel any different…. but I’m self-aware enough to notice that I am. Does that make sense?
I also wonder if my age has anything to do with it. Is anyone here in their 30’s or above and finding that masking is harder to maintain?
Edit: OMG I mean masking in terms of aspergers not pandemic masking lol I’m an idiot xD.
Edit 2: GAH! I did not expect this post to blow up. I cannot tell you how thankful I am to have found this sub. I’ve been feeling really alone and while it sucks that there are so many in the same boat, I’m glad to know that I’m not alone. I was feeling like such a freak and you all have made me feel normal even if I’m technically not. Thank you!
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aspergers
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25-year follow-up of treated and not-treated adolescents after the Spitak earthquake: course and predictors of PTSD and depression
DOI: https://doi.org/10.1017/S0033291719003891
Full Paper: https://sci-hub.tw/10.1017/s0033291719003891
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ptsd
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Hey folks, poking my head in here for the first time. I figured I'd tell my story and see if anyone's gone through similar?
I'm 25 years old, I'm from South Wales and I first found out I had Aspergers when I was 13. I've had it since early childhood, but it wasn't through anyone telling me - I found out through the black and white writing of a school letter I wasn't supposed to see.
A bit of background, I'd always been the quiet kid, lost in my own head and feeling I could only communicate through creativity. I knew there was something different about me as I had a helper in school and the other kids didn't. Finding out I had Aspergers cleared some of that confusion up but I was also angry I had to find out this way. I wasn't supposed to see the letter, which makes me question when my parents were planning on telling me. I got into a bit of a dispute with my Mum over this and her response was that I wouldn't have understood as a child. I get that, to an extent, but I felt I was at the part of life when a helper felt unnecessary and I wanted independence. I was capable enough.
My family has always sucked at communicating things like this to me. For the longest time I didn't feel I could talk to them at all - it was always a criticism of the amount of time I spent online, petty arguments or feeling they didn't get me. We've become closer over the years and it's gotten better, but my teenage years were some of my worst. Crippling self doubt and a shell that I would only sink further into. A lot of this is my responsibility, I was a tough kid and teen to deal with, but it still hurts.
I think the bitterness I felt towards it was a big contributing factor for me choosing to end the support. "There's nothing wrong with me" I thought. "I'm shy, insecure and struggle a bit socially but I don't want to be grouped in with the incapable". I guess it was wanting to seem normal to my school friends too. I don't regret striving for independence but maybe I should've kept that door open to answer my own questions. It's been a confusing decade trying to figure out what Aspergers is and how much of it is me. "What's wrong with me?" was asked a lot.
I'm at a point in life now where the line seems blurred... Anyone who learns I have the condition says they couldn't tell. Any quirks the condition has on me just seems to blur into my personality type. I've found positive attributes such as attention to detail and focusing on passions, but I'm still not sure how much negative weight it holds. There was almost the feeling that I've "grown out" of it - maybe I've found coping mechanisms and gained social confidence through experience.
But I'm here to reach out properly and see other people's experiences. I hope learning about it will help me reflect on myself too. Thank you for reading this ramble, I'm sorry it's so lengthy, I guess I had a lot to vent out. I hope you're having a lovely day <3
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aspergers
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Hey all! Just found this sub and I’ve been doing some research on my own but looking for some specified responses.
I just got prescribed Strattera by my primary, I had brought up some issues with not being able to focus on schoolwork and tasks and also forgetting things. 25mg to start, and increasing after one week, then again after two weeks (up to 75mg).
First day was Friday and it made me slightly nauseous but it was more-so just feeling bloated, I took it with breakfast. Yesterday, same thing and taken with breakfast and a coffee. Took it was a few pieces of bacon and coffee today.
I have felt a bit warm, kind of fuzzy feeling inside that you’d expect from a painkiller, and outside of the stomach bloating I’ve felt pretty fine. No lack of appetite, I don’t feel as tired as usual, and it might be a mind trick since it’s only day three but I have felt pretty motivated. But my biggest issue is how it’s affecting me sexually. Not to be too graphic but I’ve been having a hard time getting and staying fully erect. I was able to perform and finish just to see how I was the first night but today, I could barely stay erect and never got there fully.
Is there anything I can do to battle this specific issue or problems with Strattera overall? Do they go away and about how long should I expect to deal? Any information is greatly appreciated!
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ADHD
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do you ever get stuck on a thought about something that might happen and get super panicked about it to the point that u cant think about anything else. Even if they are illogical or not that big of a deal?
For example, I love my job and i love my boss and im very anxious about doing anything that might put that in jeopardy. We are having an event and soon a lot of invitations need to be delivered (event is for 2022, hopefully covid is over). However they have been talking about how the deliveries might be a lot for just one courier. So i have started obsessing that they might send me because im one of the lower rank workers there. I feel very uncomfortable doing this (covid) and idk how to say no to this hypothetical problem. However this is all very much unlikey to happen because i work in administration. I know it might sound stupid but OCD is an asshole.
Any tips to cope w irrational issues that ur head makes?
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OCD
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I have severe ADHD. My mom yells at me for not being able to focus, not getting school work done on time, being very impulsive and just not being normal. She constantly compares me to my other siblings who have everything worked out for them and I feel like nobody understands what I go through and what goes on in my mind. I have vey low self esteem and I have no self control and I feel lonely. That I'm the only one that feels like this. Do you guys feel like this or is it just me?
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ADHD
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Hey guys! I'll be happy if you say me how many pills do you consume every day. Recently I was diagnosed and he gave me medicine for bipolar, anxiety and adhd. I use other medicines too, for my hormons, and other problem lack of calcium... there is problem in my bones.
I afraid they effect each other. And I think my medicines are too much now😦
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ADHD
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This happened about 4/5 hours ago now. And sorry for the rant because this has really pissed me off.
They said they would refer us back to our local dr and we both laughed because they genuinely don’t give a shit and have fobbed my wife off many times. Even to the point of giving her medication she didn’t ask for and didn’t want and won’t take it off her repeat.
This man sat there and had the audacity while my wife was crying asking for help to say that going out and exercising and eating healthy will be better for her right now until she sees a therapist about her ptsd.
Mf I rushed her down to our nearest clinic because she sat next to me bawling her eyes out and begged me let her die. I’ve hidden all her normal pain meds incase she overdosed. I’ve hidden knives so she can’t cut herself.
One dr (who was so fucking nice and felt like he would go to the moon and back to help us) said we will give you X and X medicine right now and if it helps we will continue until I see you again but now there is another dr taking over and is coming for a home visit. They’re called the crisis team and their dr works for a psyc ward here anyway but we have no idea what he’s like.
I swear some people only think you’re after the drugs. Have you ever asked the drs and they’ve looked at you in the way that you’re just wanting to get high? These cunts did earlier. The people before today where lovely and helped us anyway they could but today even I was ready to tell them to get the fuck out because they where so condescending.
She wants to die, I am stopping this. They want her to go for a jolly down the road and back every day and when she feels suicidal to just stop thinking about it and go back outside or eat some healthy food. Fucking unbelievable man. Yes getting out might help her with the slump she’s in but all she can think about is taking her own fucking like **YOU FUCKING CLOWNS** man if they didn’t help before and didn’t have actual nice people on their team I would’ve kicked them out within 5 mins. They’ve given her 15 diazepam and said she can have 2 a day with 1 more if needed. And the appointment is next Friday and they want to see diazepam left over because when she was given some previous she used it to help sleep in the night also with panic attacks on top of what she was having dosed
Anyway that’s my rant over. I could go for more but fuck these people. It’s no wonder people kill themselves or buy prescription pills off of dealers online because they think you’re after that and that’s it not knowing that taking that drug helps you get on with your day 20% better than previously
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depression
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**Pornfree currently takes away my coping mechanisms**
I am currently on Day 11 on pornfree as I am also a porn addict of over 10 years (it has helped me a lot so far improving my life). I have OCD (washing) for about 4 years and of course porn also helped me dealing with loneliness and stress caused by OCD. Now I am doing pornfree, I go outside much more and also have a lot more triggers of daily life. Daily I am confronted with so many things and I can't find coping mechanisms to relax. Meditation doesn't work for me as I am hyperactive (kind of ADHD). I also suffer from depression and have many other problems you don't even want to know about - and yes it's all diagnosed. Of course I had several treatments that have already helped me a little bit, but not cured me.
Any advice on how to calm down and be good to myself with minimal effort (like opening up a porn site) I could do instead would help me a lot! I hope to get help from you guys <3
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OCD
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Anyone here just wake up f-ing furious? Hating everything? Just Consciousness, then rage? Making up Scenarios that make you rage out? It’s like a hangover but no physical side affect but so so much worse? It’s been going on for years and my work on being present helped me pinpoint it. Has anything worked for you? What did you do to spin it?
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ptsd
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You guys put thought and effort into the advice you give me and I appreciate it so so much but when I see that one comment, that comment that confirms my fears it’s like I forget about all the other good comments and advice I’ve seen and believe in that one the most, there’s comments from things I’ve posted years ago that I still think of today and ruminate over, even still not all those comments are people trying to hurt me, they may genuinely be trying to help but it just scares me more, I wish I would stop doing this and wasting you guys time because I think about that a lot, I really do appreciate all of you guys so fucking much man, sorry for being an asshole
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OCD
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I was diagnosed with PTSD by my psychiatrist fairly recently and I really want to tell my friends, I don’t want them to feel sorry for me, I just want to tell them so they can avoid setting off my triggers when they’re with me. I don’t know how to bring this up without it sounding weird, any suggestions on how to tell someone?
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ptsd
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Hi,
34M here - I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and my doctor has prescribed a small dosage (10mg) for now. This is all new to me, and although I’ve been following this sub for some time, it has suddenly become very real. Having mixed emotions of “this makes sense now” along with frustration of why I didn’t find about it sooner. :(
Thanks to this sub for providing a great support and materials.
One immediate concern is that I’ll become dependent on the stimulants. Any guidance from long term takers?
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ADHD
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I’m still new to my diagnosis, and no one else will give me a straight answer, so I came here.
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OCD
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Hi, all. I'm a 27F and I have PTSD, bipolar, and depression. My bipolar and depression was always manageable prior to my experiences.
A little bit about my story: (TW: R*pe, substance abuse, and human trafficking)
I was assaulted when I was 23 and fell into a deep depression where I couldn't leave my room and stayed in bed for months, where even sunlight bothered me. Somehow, on my own, I picked myself out depression and lived a functional life. I eventually started feeling more confident, worked full-time, went on fun dates, and even moved out on my own by 25. Something I didn't fathom I can do after my assault.
I moved out to San Diego in late 2019 with my boyfriend (big mistake). We got into a fight and I left his apartment and stayed at hostel to try to find housing while I was waiting for a relocation package from a startup I was working at. The hostel was very sketchy. They had signs offering "Free rides to Tijuana" and an older guy tried to convince me to come to LA with him. I refused to go. The hostel kept telling me they're closing down the following Tuesday, yet still accepted guests.
I felt very unsafe in the hostel and a weird feeling I couldn't shake. I told a random stranger what I was feeling and he called the hostel to pretend to book a room and explained to me it was a trap. I gathered my belongings and left. Later that day, I called the National Sex Trafficking hotline and explained everything I saw and felt.
The hotline told me the call was being intercepted. I went to another hotel and there were people outside my door trying to call me and my phone was even hacked. It became all a different language and my music was turned off. I immediately put my phone on airplane mode and barricaded my hotel door.
I called the hotel manager to the next morning to escort me to his office where I called the police. The police took me to the hospital where I have no recollection of it. I apparently fainted in the police car and was hospitalized in Palm Springs. I remember being dropped off at another clinic where they coordinated to get me back to Miami.
Since I've come home, my life has not been the same. I came about 3 weeks before COVID hit and I was unable to function. I was addicted to xanax because nothing would put me to sleep due to anxiety, but I cleaned myself up. Fast forward a year later, I'm on disability and I have a hard time being in a social setting, working, concentrating, communicating, being intimate, dating and again I'm terrified of being around people I don't know.
I feel like a massive loser because I live at home with a dysfunctional mother, I'm not working because I have the hardest time doing anything crippled with social anxiety. I don't have friends and I'm too afraid to make friends. I don't know how to have fun anymore. My only goal in life is to live comfortably on my own with a dog and make a few steady friends. However, making friends now as a single, unemployed adult is hard enough as it is.
I'm wondering why I'm not getting out of this depressive state when I was able to pick myself up after my assault.
Has anyone felt like this after a traumatic event? How did you pick yourself up?
My only hope is that I may qualify for trauma counseling.
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ptsd
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This is mostly a rant but I was a pharmacy tech all through COVID (I quit in July this year). I know my job isn’t as essential as like nurses or EMTs but holy fuck I would get off work sometimes and just cry. I’m still dealing with it. I still get livid when I hear people talk about their “fun COVID hobbies” or when people romanticize that aspect of lock down. Like wow great you made bread I got screamed at for telling a grown ass man he cannot make hand sanitizer out of aloe vera and rubbing alcohol. Stop joking about how you wish we were on lock down so you could learn to knit like are you fucking serious???? And then on the other side, the day my city lifted the mask mandate I had people, unmasked, to my face telling me they weren’t getting vaccinated. I had people offended that I asked “are you up to date on your vaccines” like bitch I was talking about you’re due for the shingles vaccine stop calling me a fucking sheep. I had to quit. I couldn’t do it anymore. Watching delta start to spread and simultaneously seeing people (again unmasked) treat me/my coworkers like dog shit, I was losing it. I luckily have two new jobs but tonight I was reminded of what I’m still coping with because as I was waiting for a ride home, I realized the event center I work by was having a concert and some dumbass actually made a joke to their friend walking past me about me wearing a mask outside like are you fucking serious?????? I can’t deal with this shit. I already have PTSD from other things but god this one sucks so fucking bad. Thank god I have an amazing therapist. I’m ending this here but I truly hope you’re all safe and healthy, thank you for reading.
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ptsd
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until i talked to my therapist i really only thought that ocd just gave me intrusive thoughts and compulsive behavior.
but only recently—i’ve learnt that ocd also affects my relationships? like the way i get borderline obs*ssive with love & everything.
and its…just sad. cause i am kinda exhausted living this way.
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OCD
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I was an engineer, but I wasn't very good/ hated it; I quit before I was pushed. Now I'm 7 months unemployed, and I'm stuck in a rut. I was diagnosed with ADHD just over a month ago, and am now waiting on medication; I have been told that I will likely start by the end of this year/ early 2022. My psychiatrist is putting me on an amphetamine based prescription.
At the minute, I feel utterly paralysed and my self esteem is shot. I always find reasons not to apply for a job I may initially think I could do, or get distracted when applying. I can't pick an online course to start to get myself going, because I always feel like I'm choosing the wrong one, and why do it when I could just try to get a job?
Is this going to be something medication helps with? Or am I still going to struggle to find my way out this loop?
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ADHD
|
So I am 29 years old. I started to suspect I am on the autism spectrum about a year ago. I have been a teacher for six years. I left teaching to go into IT. I got fired from what was supposed to be my first big break into IT and I am not working a much lower paying job (however, it offers a ton of time to practice programming which is really cool). Last job my boss often said I was "over-thinking things." She also said "I told you that." plenty of times and I could not figure out how the last message applied to the current situation. Other people who have helped me with programming have said I need "pretty specific instructions" often. So I want to look into getting diagnosed but let's assume for the moment that I am on the spectrum ( I mean, there is something different about me for sure). The million dollar question is
How do I compensate to be an effective employee at my next (hopefully programming) job?
Also P.S. I feel like this is kind of hard to Google because there are fewer resources for adults than for kids, and I want advice on how to fit in at work and many search results are how non-autistic people can better work with autistic people ( and I need the reverse advice), and also I am very slightly on the spectrum (I mean I am 29 and undiagnosed) so it is really hard to search for my very specific kind of need.
P.P.S. I don't really want to say "I need accommodations" to employers at least before I am hired especially because if I say I am on the spectrum that can raise all sorts of questions and concerns.
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aspergers
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When I wake I'm pretty vulnerable to OCD. I was so exhausted today and OCD took advantage of that. I caught myself ruminating when I woke up and knew this would wreck my day.
Then I opened Brainlock by Jeffrey Schwartz and read about how these are just false messages coming from my brain. I actually started to believe this and it brought my peace and was so liberating. I started laughing at my OCD for how it could fool me so often. I started to actually believe it was false and lies, and this act helped me break out of the cycle.
I think we're afraid to believe it's lies, because of "what if?" But what if we really believed??
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OCD
|
TL;DR looking for advice on how to be kinder to myself with having ocd symptoms while undiagnosed and not presenting physical compulsions and not invalidate myself
hey everyone!
for context, i'm (23F) not officially diagnosed, but have been presenting ocd symptoms and having intrusive thoughts since i was young. it was a lot of checking when i was younger and a lot of physical (constantly checking the dryer lint trap to make sure my house didn't set on fire, going back and locking the doors multiple times so no one would rob my house, waiting outside the window for my parents to get home so i knew they didnt die on the way home and also telling them to drive safe, avoiding stepping on lines or cracks in the sidewalk).
but as a grew older, i noticed they manifested in different ways. right now, its sexual orientation ocd (or hocd - i know it gets confused with harm ocd though) where ill have intrusive thought about being bi or a lesbian and this is by far my longest one, since i was 15. ill have a sexual intrusive thought and ill either think of more sexual things to get the correct 'reaction' to it but even if i do i still doubt if it is ocd or just denial; despite the thoughts never being fun for me, even when my ocd is calm. i also had an intrusive thought that if i did't pray to god every night to protect my family, my family would die. even NOW i feel like if i don't rememebr to say i love you to my parents they will die the next day and they wouldn't know i loved them.
i also have a lot of health anxiety that may have manifested into ocd - three times last year i went to the hospital for things that turned out to be \*literally nothing\* and felt so stupid after but i fwlt like i had to go. when i was a kid i had fully convinced myself i had diabetes and even asked used one of my diabetics friends (clean, don't worry) needles to test my blood sugar. i had also convinced myself i was going blind and had a detached cornea.
none of my current obsessions involve any kind of physical compulsions. no tapping, intense physical checking like turning lights on and off, cleaning, etc, and what sucks is that it's the only representation you see (not that those are not valid - they of course are so valid!) it just makes me feel like \*i\* don't have ocd because \*i\* don't do that.
even on tiktok, i guess its easier to \*show\* compulsions like that since it is visual, but it makes me feel like i don't have ocd because of that \*and\* i don't have a diagnosis which makes it even worse for me. i also rationally know a diagnosis won't fix it and ill still doubt but i feel like i \*need\* it to be feel validated and i'm just self diagnosing.
huh, writing all this out makes me realize how LOUD my ocd voice is but \*still\* i doubt it. i guess i'm just looking to hear from folks who have something similar and some advice on how to not engage with this and be kinder to myself even though i don't have a diagnosis? shit is hard, man!
thanks in advance!
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OCD
|
Every time I brush my teeth I cant stop until they feel clean. This often leads to me brushing them incredibly roughly for too long as well as upwards of 4-5 times a day and it causes my gums to bleed and hurt a lot.
I could really do with some recommendations for alternatives to brushing that have a similar effect or ways to help with the amount of time I spend doing it because the only solution that ive found that helps is just not brushing them because once I start brushing the whole cycle of over-brushing starts again, which are both (obviously) not good for my overall oral hygiene.
I dont really have any other contamination compulsions so this one is especially annoying :(
Thanks to anyone who replys :)
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OCD
|
And I thought "Ah, such is a manifestation of my aspergers."
Does anyone else have similar experiences? If so, I would appreciate reading them.
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aspergers
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As I find it hard to get a lot of bad memories that I have in my head, like memories from a long time ago that I don't like I still have them in my head. I find it so hard to get rid of them.
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aspergers
|
Here’s your more detailed TW: I’ll be talking about online child grooming. This will be venting but feel free to comment.
When I was 10-11 I was playing animal jam. There was this place where you’d be peoples friend, parent, fake spouse, etc. I forget how it happened just that our first interaction was there. He gave me gifts. And you have to understand these were the rare type that people would sell for real money to people. We’d do normal things in the game together. And then it got weirder. Like just having my character dance. And then “adopting” a child. Going on fake dates. I had been told to avoid these things but a person was showing me affection during a hard time in my life. And then he had me (I’ll call it roleplay) with him. I said no and he threatened to leave or take stuff away from me. And when I didn’t know things in the (roleplay) he explained them. When he asked for my personal information I knew what was happening and I left. But he got angry. He told me a lot of stuff about how my parents would be mad. I never told my parents till a month ago because I knew part of it was my fault for not stopping it sooner. They just knew I had been addicted to the game. What’s worse is that the reporting feature on the game doesn’t work and they draw people in safety wise with the sense of “National Geographic). The worst part is I don’t fully remember it. It was months. I can remember the game music and a few details but not the worse. But I want to remember it because limbo sucks.
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ptsd
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I'm in awe how much I've masked my whole life. And because of that, I'm also doubtful of my own adhd. But how do you guys mask?
When having a convo, with the whole zoning out thing, I think nobody notices when it happens to me, because I quickly piece back sounds that I heard and make them into words. Like we were talking about this, this sound was made, maybe they said that. Or quickly get my attention back to the conversation to sort of figure out what happened there.
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ADHD
|
Disclaimer: I'm not going to say this is "advice" so to speak, because I recognize the insane economic barrier to getting a standing-sitting desk. I was *very, very* lucky that my brother-in-law gave me his for free. I just wanted to share a small success of mine over the last month :)
Obviously I have a million problems with staying on task, especially when that task involves sitting at a cramped desk for hours. And then taking a break from that task also involved getting away from the desk, and coming back was so undesirable I'd either have to 1) take no breaks, or 2) never come back.
Now, when I feel fidgety and restless, I can go into standing mode and move my legs around, pace around, fidget with the height of the desk, etc. Or I can break away from the task, and come back to a computer at standing height - which is a much more inviting prospect than transitioning into "sitting" mode again.
I can sweep, work a little, pace around, work a little, eat, go to the bathroom, work a little more, and it feels so much more natural and easy than sitting, standing, sitting, standing, sitting, standing, ad infinitum.
Bonus: my desk has hooks to hang a hammock underneath. I hung fairy lights around the bottom of the desk and it gave me two "modes" to my desk - computer on top to do work and focus, and hammock fort on the bottom to relax and play games on my phone. My desk used to just be this torturous prison where all work (and happiness) went to die in agony; now there are some things that I really love that are incorporated *with* uncomfortable work, and it makes it easier to come back again.
TL;DR: adhd brain hates sit. sit is Bad. stand. stand Good.
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ADHD
|
I am at my wits end . I found out someone in my support group successfully committed suicide today. I miss her already, and I hate that she can relate to how I’m feeling. I hate that anyone knows how it feels to be this depressed.
Let me say that before I say this next thing cuz I don’t want it to sound flippant. But I am so jealous that she was able to follow through and now she’s free . I am too weak to actually commit suicide most of the time cuz I’m worried about being in the group
Of many people who fail at it and end up still alive.
Some of you have seen my posts before, if you haven’t check them out.
You’ll understand why I need to be dead. I can’t take it anymore. And I feel like if I get baker acted I’m just going to say what I need to say to get out. It’s like my brain and heart are locked on trying to figure out a way to die, but my body is on autopilot handling my responsibilities.
:(
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depression
|
Love it when I wake up from being sick to someone angry at me for not answering their calls because I was asleep.
Then person who’s upset, is mad I didn’t wake up to their (4) phone calls and then comes home from work to knock on my door (which obviously wakes me up bc unless my phone is on full volume it won’t wake me up) just to tell me the moment I open my eyes ‘*I’m disappointed in you.*’
For what? Getting a decent amount of sleep when I have Mono?
For choosing to stay curled up in my bed instead of in the bathroom thinking of doing other things, bad things?
I’m a *master* of hiding my emotions, always have been. Therapist and close family member alike have never been able to tell how bad my depression is till I say something. That is not a flex, at all. It’s an issue, and one the person I’m talking about who woke me up acknowledged the other night, likely in joking form.
Per usual. It’s easier when my mental illnesses is seen as a joke I guess.
It’s a serious thing though. I got to the point of thinking of place I could hide my body so no one would ever find me. And if they did find me, someone who didn’t know me.
I promise it didn’t get to the point I was enacting that plan and it was bad to think of it in the first place. I have enough coping skills and hubris I don’t make it past the planning stage so I’ll be okay.
After hearing those words, the moment I woke up though. The moment my abuse makes me so vunrable and even on an amazing day barely want to crawl out to face the harsh world, the few hours I’m first awake.
**Tw ahead: mention of sexual assault/being drugged/abuse in general ahead**
The fear he’ll be the one waking me up, or she’ll use an icy glass of water directly to my face (sometimes slowly poured over me even as I move out of bed to not get hit until it’s all eventually dumped on my standing/sitting up head) gleeful laugh at my pain following of course, an angry hand pulling me by my hair out of my bed, possibly even maybe even not fully up. But the drugged up awake where I don’t know where I’m being taken, what’s going to happen and things that aren’t safe to say still out of pure fear. Things no one needs to know about me, things I don’t need to know about me and wish I didn’t.
*That* time when I first wake up when I’m starting to feel better mentally and physically, I get told “I’m disappointed in you.”
Bloody hell it doesn’t help I had flashbacks so bad the other night I couldn’t move. I was just shaking barely able to breath and trying to focus on what was real around me. Like the cat that was in my lap (who thankfully somehow got the message she was laying on a triggering spot for me at the time and moved to lay on my chest like the best lil baby). Typically my cat is the one who grounds me but it didn’t work. I still felt hands all over me and I could hear the whispers and the pain...and their stupid god damned faces. Looking down at me with those cruel sadistic looks, that I was just a toy not a human not a child.
Once again I couldn’t escape. At least I’m almost 20 and it’s my traumatized brain this time. I’m not still there.
Gods above, I wish my therapist would call me back.
**Side note** I realize at the end I wrote this in the, ‘when you’, form as a way to cope and not make it seem like it happened to me. I changed it obviously but wow this sucked ass.
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ptsd
|
Hi everybody,
I really need to vent right now. Depression is great...
One day you feel empty, drained, no desire in doing anything, nothing brings you joy.
The next day you feel ok, you feel like doing some things, to take back your life.
Suddenly, unexpectedly, depression hits you like a brick.
You feel empty and drained again. On top of all that, your healthcare system in your country don't give a fuck anymore.
Even though you did everything according to the books.
Why you ask? Because their employees can't even just turn a page and see the name, signature of your psychiatrist.
So what do they do? They decline you withdraw money from the healthcare.
And next thing you know, you're unable to work because depression and being an introvert, who has no desire in small talks and just want to live their lives, without all the drama and pick your relationships carefully.
Suddenly, no income anymore. No help.
Since I went to a psychiatrist, it's not getting better at all, it's getting worse. Why? Because you constantly have to wait, constantly need reschedule appointments, because suddenly you can't anymore. You have to do test for autism, which costs a lot of money.
You feel alone. Defeated by this world, this system, this society. And there is just nothing you can do. Nothing at all...
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depression
|
Sometimes I find myself clapping or hitting my ears and head when I need to focus on something. Like doing homework, studying or simply to go back to reality and do stuff.
It just occurred me I don't know why I do this (I mean, to focus obviously) but I don't know the explanation behind that. I just know it helps me when my mind wanders too far and too loud for me to think clearly or feel present.
Do any of you do the same?
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ADHD
|
TW: Mentions of relationship abuse, unwanted physical affection
TLDR: Was in a previous relationship where I was touched without consent, now feeling the effects during my new relationship, don't know where to go next.
​
I have a new, amazing boyfriend. He is supportive, empathetic, and all around just a great guy. We are supposed to get together tomorrow as we usually do once a week (I know it's not much but he has a job and I have school). The problem is, I am having a panic attack thinking about going to see him.
In a previous relationship, I was taken advantage of. I was hugged, kissed, and touched when I explicitly said "no" (many times). I was ***never*** r\*ped or dr\*gged.
But now as I think about seeing my newer boyfriend, I just hate to imagine being hugged or kissed or touched at all. I know he will do so. I know he wants the physical aspects of a relationship. But for some reason I just can't get over my minor trauma.
I just don't know what to do. Do I go see him, do I say "not this week"? I know I have to work through this trauma somehow, but I'm not sure if forcing myself to go is conducive to that healing.
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ptsd
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I finally felt like I was overcoming my depression, I’m back in school, have a car, a decent job, and good friends. But I’ve been feeling all the anxiety, hopelessness, and existential dread creep back in lately, and I can’t help but feel like it’s due to still living at home. My family isn’t abusive or anything but I rarely received any positive reaffirmation as a kid and was always compared to other kids and how well they were doing despite the fact that their parents were far more involved in their lives. I believe this is where a lot of my anxiety stems from as I felt all of my positive attributes were overlooked by my family and I developed low self esteem. My older brother was the only person I really felt understood me and now he lives on the other side of the country, and now I’m left with my other older brother who is becoming the bane of my existence. He has been attempting to make me feel like a failure and force me into becoming a construction worker like him. I was severely depressed for a few years and didn’t do much with my life over that period and he is constantly trying to shame me for it and make me seem lazy and lacking ambition. This is after he abused drugs and alcohol for years, got arrested a few times, got kicked out of college, and pretty much bullied me my entire life. Granted he has turned his life around, but that only makes him feel justified in bullying me now. I have always tried to be friendly, generous, and polite to everyone and have been trying to get my life back on track yet it’s still not enough. I have no interest in working construction and I am committed to school and got all A’s my first semester back, but my brother doesn’t believe I have the drive to finish. My parents are much more laid back nowadays but they still aren’t exactly supportive, and to be honest I’m dying to get out of this house. I feel as though I have outgrown this cage and it’s only holding me back. The only problem is rent is sky high where I live and between paying for my car and school, I can’t afford to move out. I’m not exactly sure what I’m looking for by making this post, but I needed to get some of this stuff off my chest. I know I’m young and naive,and I know millions if not billions of people are way worse off than me. I don’t want anyone’s pity, I just need to know that I’m good enough and that I can accomplish my goals. Sorry for such a long post.
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depression
|
Hey everyone! I haven’t posted here before, but I’ve strongly suspected I have ADHD for a few years now and I’m thinking of finally going to get tested sometime soon. Can anyone tell me what the process is like or what to expect?
I would’ve tried to get a diagnosis before, but didn’t have the ability due to personal circumstances. I could’ve within the past few months, I just haven’t bothered to, partially because I didn’t feel like I needed any extra help and partially because I’m a little scared that if I’m wrong and I don’t actually have ADHD, then it’s really all just me causing my problems and i know I’d end up being even more harsh on myself. Does anyone have any thoughts on that? I’d really appreciate whatever advice you guys can give.
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ADHD
|
(will leave a decent amount of details left out here and there)sorry if it's a pain to read.
Hey, first off I'm 16 rn. And tbh I'm not even sure I have depression. I haven't went to any therapist because I guess I'm scared of actually being diagnosed with one or maybe something other than depression
My parents divorced at a particularly bad time because I was old enough to see them fighting and I was constantly bullied in school. I don't think I was a bad person in any way though. At least then. A few days before my parents divorced. It was christmas eve and i was shopping with my mum, it was well ig. Later, she sent my uncle to take me home. Let's just say she never came back. The night of their divorce. I was told to go to my neighbours house. There, I heard my mother came home. Obviously I rushed home. That sucked, I don't think I need to elaborate further.
I had nightmares, a lot of times. Even now, even back then.
Oh yeah, I had no choice but to stay with my father btw. Tried staying with my mother a couple of times
It was third grade then. I have a very bad fear of the dark and dolls. They're just too eerie for me. It was also about this time that I started talking to myself, I was gifted this puppet (the glove-like ones) which I always talked to; telling myself it'll be better. Obviously it wasn't. At fifth grade, one of my arm broke because of a prank.
However it wasn't completely dark. I had a good friend. Too bad I stopped talking to him. I just felt like I was dragging him down.
For sixth grade I went to a boarding school. It was around this time, that I saw and heard things ig. People used to say our dorm was haunted but when I told them some of my experiences. They told me that they made it up.
One of them was this: I was sleeping over at my friend's room. Warden doesn't allow it obviously so I have to return early in the morning before he checks rooms. On my way back. I heard the noise of bells and a cycle. I felt as if I was being chased at that very moment and made a run for it. Didn't look back even for a moment. The moment I reached my room I locked the door. Thankfully my Roomates were still asleep so they didn't see me freaking out. The next morning, I saw dried blood on my palm.
The second is pretty mediocre. I heard someone calling me by my name. It happens occasionally. Sometimes in the middle of the night and sometimes during daytime. Even during class. When I asked my classmates if they called me, they always said no.
And the third is also pretty mild at least during the days I was in the boarding school. I used to see stuff, I guess. Some things that weren't really there or just distorted. No one else seems to notice them.
Every fucking visiting day. My father always comes late and I had to rely on the food my friend's family gave me. He comes late, I then had only 2 hours to spend time with laptop/mobile. Sucked pretty hard.
It also reminded me of elementary and middle school, my father always came late when picking me up. Sometimes after everyone had went home. Seeing everyone else gleefully holding their parents' hands, getting bought the stuff they want. I was jealous to be honest.
Fast forward to 8th grade. I was probably around 14 here. I secretly kept a phone. Oh and I had new roommates. We had good times with my phone. But somehow I eventually got bored of it and sometimes just let other people lent it to watch porn or smth. I didn't have an earphone though but some people had mp3 players so yeah. Pretty sweet ig.
The phone got stolen. I was distraught. I was constantly trying to figure out who stole it. In the end, I found a very likely suspect as he was the only one who knew where I kept it. So I was gonna go all phoenix wright and bluff blame him. It backfired. He spread lies about me and now everyone hates me and I got beat up by almost everyone and 2 of my friends were collateral damage. This really hurt my feelings. Because I thought I wasn't ba bad person and I always tried to help others. Life fucks you sometimes. I left the school because of this incident, after this I haven't been able to stay in a dormitory ever again, family suggested it a couple times too.
I later learnt from a former friend that everyone including him took advantage of me to get free stuff. Which explains why everyone went from nice to hating my guts. I could still feel the punches and kicks I endured and the guilt that I got my friends involved in this mess. One of the teachers also hated me a lot for some reason
After I went out, I thought that was the last time I'd have to think of that school. Oh but no, I had to have flashbacks and be reminded. I even had nightmares and sometimes normal dreams on things related to that place. It was also revealed to me later that my father and my nurse there were having an affair. Which explains why she kept interfering in family matters. This happened relatively early after my leave. Like a few months. Later, I started feeling like my mind was split into two. I didn't even feel like me. I don't know since when I started feeling like this. It just came. And the voice in my head, man... It's sometimes annoying. I was never anywhere close to really happy again. But the time I spent in boarding school with my friends whether fake or real was good(hurts me bad tho). I couldn't cheer up. I tried lots of things. Still doesn't work.
My family is a very religious one and I'm not particularly religious but I believe in my religion fairly well. So I was unable to tell them my problems.
Let's fast forward to my first year of highschool. I had good hopes. Not really. I wanted to avoid contact as much as possible. But I was able to make friends. And surprise he took advantage of me again. But I felt a weird sense of niceness? About him.
Just gonna skip to now.(probably a year later) I'm unable to concentrate on anything. I was playing video games. But I lost interest and concentration fairly soon.(a few mins into the game) it happens with every game I play. It only gets worse every day. And I find it harder and harder to study. Tbh I really don't want to disappoint my family but I think it's pretty late.
One of my friends also told me to get help but I'm scared of being seen as deranged or crazy by my family and being treated like so. I want to be a normal person and I am one, is what I say to myself sometimes.
I occasionally see some weird shit too. I'm staying at my aunt's because school is closer. They have cats. And sometimes I used to see them going past my bed. I thought I'd play with them but when they finally get in my view. They keep disappearing. My memory is also getting pretty shit or i think it's fine. Sometimes I see some weird shit in the dark.(a silhouette of a person to be exact)Shit freaks me out sometimes.
And here I am, pondering on what to do and hopefully find a way to better myself. I have exams rn and I'll try to go to a therapist after. I think it should be time?
The last time I was kissed was by my mother. I keep remembering this fact. Maybe I want to feel loved. I could really go for a hug.
Considered suicide a couple of times but religion stopped me.
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depression
|
So I got fired from my job today. I sleep in way too late and often end up late for my shifts, or calling in sick because of anxiety based around showing up late. It became such a problem that I was terminated today. Feeling low but hoping this is the kick in the ass I need to get some of my shit together. Or just continue the cycle of failure.
Shitty day, just needed to vent.
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ADHD
|
One of the dynamics I’ve heard a lot about regarding ADHDers in relationships is the non-ADHD partner keeping the ship upright by taking care of bills, errands, etc. It’s one of the features that resonates least with me.
Granted, my partner definitely takes lead on cleaning/organizing things. Definitely don’t want to discount that. However, I schedule our appointments, get our bills sorted, follow up on & fight billing errors, make phone calls, compare prices, plan trips, etc. And of course that’s often powered by hyperfocus, which ends up straining the relationship more. I’m at once “not making enough time for us” but feel like I’m constantly working on all of the ugly adulting processes that are a part of being an adult. It’s definitely driven a wedge into my relationship and my partner thinks I’m just complaining and that that’s just what people in relationships do for each other.
Just wondering if anyone else is in the same boat. I’ve been reading lots of different posts on relationships here and the more I read, the more I wonder if I should probably be alone. I love being in love, but sometimes I really resonate with the idea of becoming a hermit, living alone in the woods, and just existing around things I like without having to be expected to keep a bedtime, plan couple time, make more time, find more time, spend more time, wake up on time, go to bed on time, and still constantly disappoint those around me. Can’t let anyone down if I just live off the radar and keep to myself, right?
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ADHD
|
Or is this something else? I've just realised that when I get really bored or need to do something I just do NOT want to do anymore I go really weak, like when you're running in a dream and can't run properly, and get that feeling like when you're struggling to stay awake when tired even if I wasn't tired previously.
I just can't work out if its linked to being extremely bored, or if its coincidental, or something else entirely.
My blood work always comes back fine for like iron, sugar, no vitamin deficiencies etc
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ADHD
|
So I know that one part of adhd sometimes is the overthinking. I’ve been overthinking basically my entire life but for some reason it feels like it’s hitting me way harder than ever before. It’s mostly been in my relationship, and I trust her with all my heart but it’s like every little thing sets me off and I just spiral down a staircase if overthinking. And I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t know what else to try and I wanted to ask y’all to see if you have any advice, literally any advice will help
Thank you so much
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ADHD
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I find it hard to find the “want” to start something new in the first place. Developing a routine has been hard and unfruitful. I wake up and go to sleep at different times everyday, and sometimes I can’t sleep at all. I think I could go further in life if I was able to get into a consistent routine of self care and self improvement but I’m forgetful and that seems to play a role in my issue.
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ADHD
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I suffer from several obsessions; one of them is that I use to write down thoughts for fear of forgetting them because they might be important. They are just random thoughts that occur to me everywhere, when I'm in front of the computer, or in the mall, or driving somewhere. Often when a thought occurs that I might deem important I make an effort to not forget it by constantly repeating it mentally and then I write it down at the first possibility. I used to carry around notebooks(paper, not digital) to write them down but I stopped doing so because I didn't want to increase the obsession. I have lots of thoughts and ideas when I'm browsing the internet so I have a file on my computer with all the thoughts, it has now over 10,000 lines! I will probably never wade through this quagmire and analyse all this shit.
Any advice?
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ADHD
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Does anyone have experience getting therapy for ADHD? What have you found helpful? Is there anything in particular I should look for when selecting a therapist? Where do I even begin with looking for one?
Any help/advice is appreciated.
Sincerely a defeated and struggling student just trying to get through the day
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ADHD
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I'm even slowing tutorials down so I can see clearer. I'm like a stone, I feel heavy and immovable despite being a bit underweight.
Also, I think my brain can't track movement very well (I wonder why because we are, afterall, good with details, right?)
I've always wanted to dance, sigh.
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aspergers
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THE VOICES NEVER STOP. How the fuck do I deal with it. It is making me insane. She says, it is not an excuse.
But I can not freaking fucking handle it. It just never stops! She calls me insane and a maniac. People say I am so scary and different. I don't wanna be scary or different.
Or have a constant serious look. But I can not have any other look when my brain is screaming! I have serious wrinkles because I can never relax. She was the best girl I have ever had. But she didn't understand me. Which is not really important to be honest.
I just want it to work! I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't play video games. I try so hard but in the end it doesn't even matter! Please for the love of god make my brain stop thinking so much, I can not stop overthinking. I just say goodbye randomly and hurt the girl I like so much.
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ADHD
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so, i was removing my nail polish with nail polish remover. i obviously got some on my skin while i was removing the nail polish and i *think* i accidentally touched my pants and i think my finger that touched my pants had nail polish remover on it. i didn’t see any wetness or anything in the spot where i may have touched, but i got a towel and rubbed soap and water on it anyways
i was going to wear these pants to work today and i work with food and i’m worried that maybe if i touch my pants and then the food or something like that it will be toxic.
the question is: should i change my pants or is this not a problem? i have this problem where i change my clothes 1000 times before work because I’m worried i got germs on them or something and i don’t want to cause any harm to others, and I’m trying to stop doing this
UGH I’m pretty sure i sound ridiculous right now but i just need another opinion
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OCD
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I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD but I also suffer heavily with depression and anxiety. Like agoraphobic level, I didn’t take care of myself whatsoever for about 6 years, I was basically just eating, scrolling social media, and sleeping. I only left my house when I absolutely had to.
Now I’ve been doing much better, I seem to have discovered some ways to manage my ADHD symptoms so I can get done what I actually want to get done but now comes the bigger problem, people.
I tend to over analyze my interactions with people (lmao I just thought maybe I’m hyper focusing on people?) I get into their body language and how they react to the things I say and wether or not I’m saying the correct things and trying not to talk too much about myself but I get confused on how much to share and I try to be reactive but then conversations die faster cause I’m not offering anything.
I’m sure you see by now how much I over think lol. COVID has been a fantastic excuse to not leave my home for 2 years now (thank you grocery delivery) I have friends on the internet because I can think about what I want to say before I type it but my issue is with in person stuff. My goal right now is to build a social life but I just don’t know how to get over the anxiety.
I’m fine with the outside world and sometimes when I’m dark into it I sit outside or go for a walk so it isn’t an outside world thing it’s really just people, even baristas and cashiers, I can’t turn off the overthinking.
Do you guys have any advice?
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ADHD
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Disclaimer: This isn’t me complaining for being mad I’m just genuinely confused what I did wrong and I want to learn and not do it again.
Me and my mom had a conversation and it went like this:
Her: “Did I tell you about the new show we can watch?”
Me: “You did yesterday.”
She glared at me and started giving me the silent treatment. (She stops talking for a while and ignoring me when she’s upset.)
I had already agreed that I would watch it with her yesterday so just I reminded her. There have been so many times where I’ve genuinely answered her questions and I upset her because I was being rude or a “smart alec” when I don’t mean to.
What would have been a better way to answer her question?
Edit: Thank you for all the replies, explanations, and input! I definitely understand better now.
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aspergers
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Im 25, and I was diagnosed as a young child and have spent the better part of my adult life learning to be a productive and successful adult (at least in my eyes)- to which i feel that I have done a pretty good job. relativly speaking, im doing okay and have achieved miles more than i ever thought that i would, but one thing that i struggle with frequently is being constantly reminded that my adhd can make me more annoying to be around than others. I try to make a conscious effort to not talk because i know i do it to much, and when it starts happening i dont even realize it. l try to offer help in situations where its not asked for or wanted and out of blissful ignorance fail to see that my presence isnt appreciated until the situation either blows up in my face or long after the situation has passed and i spend hours thinking about it when in a different setting. its these times where i have noticed my personality completely withdrawl. from everyone and everything, from where i couldnt stop talking, to being afraid to open my mouth, and the anxiety that comes along with these feelings can sometimes be debilitating to the point of microbursts of depression if that even makes sense. i wish my brain worked like a normal persons did, and i wish mine didnt make me so abrasive to others sometimes. i really do try
if you also find yourself in a similar situation and have found a healthy way to think, deal, or fix this please reach out because i am struggling with it
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ADHD
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Not only do I so vigorously refuse to contribute to society. I have an overwhelming urge to actively hurt it by intentionally having the least paying job I can and leech off of welfare. But obviously these efforts to inflict damage aren’t enough, I’d have to persuade others to take up this route as well as to promote anti intellectual movements across the country.
I tried my absolute best in college. I went from studying 30-40 hours per week for engineering and absolutely bombed my exams anyways despite my best efforts and despite utilizing all of the resources available to me (tutoring, etc). I then changed majors to film studies and found it only slightly easier (still failing courses), and with no end in sight and a fledgling GPA. Clearly, it’s a lack of intelligence.
I’m not intelligent enough to do the things I want to do in life and it has utterly broken me. This damn society has put such a huge emphasis on education that without one in todays America, it’s hard to succeed in life. The US has been so saturated with bachelor’s that it’s nigh impossible to get comfortable office jobs without one.
To make matters worse, I’ve been fired a couple of times from odd jobs for incompetence.
I’m utterly depressed and am aimless, even working out and taking medicine and being in shape have not helped. There’s a void in me that can’t be filled and I’m already 24, but it seems like I won’t amount to anything and that the end is near for me.
I’ve dealt with an abusive mother, so I haven’t exactly had a stable home life.
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depression
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hi, i've been having distressing nightmares involving past sexual abuse, which isn't anything new but i continuously wake up aroused and it's seriously getting to my head and making me upset... i don't like reacting this way, it makes me feel dirty and i just want it to stop. does anybody have any advice for coping with that feeling? i considered showering but the thought of undressing made it even worse
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ptsd
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Hey guys, just need some advice because it will take some days to talk to my therapist. How do you remove or at least try to remove a trigger? I have a game that every time I see it’s name my sensorimotor ocd decides it’s his time to shine. Any advice? Thanks!
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OCD
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You know how in the 80-90 furries taught each other programming in order to pay more commissions, and now several are among the best programmers, and there are 50 furries that if they all take vacations on the same day, everything falls. Internet
We could try to do something similar with ourselves because of the high unemployment rates
Maybe we do something similar already and I dont know?
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aspergers
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all i ever want to do is sleep. maybe play video games but mainly sleep. im so tired and i just cannot summon the will to be interested in something. i wish i could
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depression
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Hello everyone I think that I suffer from ocd (Hocd, pocd, rocd) and I would like ask you a question.
What is the difference between intrusive thought and thought think by myself?
I mean sometimes I have intrusive thought that I don't want but when it's related to Hocd or other I have thought think on my own. A thought that is not intrusive could be related to ocd?
Can I have ocd without intrusive thought?
Most part of my ocd is related to compulsion more than intrusive thought about theme.
By example I can do a compulsion but this compulsion is not intrusive, I create it "Am I gay etc.."
Last question : Groinal response can be this?
Sometimes when I see a men I have warming feeling in my dick and sometimes drop of semen or something else.
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OCD
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How to deal with false memory ocd and Intrusive it's bothering for 3 months
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OCD
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I have suffered from depression my whole life but was only medically diagnosed in my early 30s. When the depression gets bad, I sometimes fantasize about dying. Not killing myself. Just dying.
Lately things have been bad. Major depressive episode coupled with crazy drama at work, an injured pet and health issues. Death is looking pretty attractive right now.
I am seeing my therapist again but the emptiness hits hard. I sometimes can't see the pain ending. I feel like there's no hope, no relief in sight. I feel undervalued, invisible.
Woke up today feeling completely broken and hopeless. Suicide seems like the only option right now. I'm tired of fighting. Fighting my own demons and the rest of the world. I'm just tired.
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depression
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I was diagnosed with OCD a while ago, but I have thoughts and behaviors that fit multiple different themes of OCD. Is it possible to have multiple themes or is there another explanation?
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OCD
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I haven't been diagnosed, but I've been waking up from dreams that involve a particular person crying in the middle of the night and even though my brain is telling me there's nothing even big to cry about, I still cry super sadly for quite a while. This has been happening since two years ago, although intermittently (so not constantly).
Also, I suddenly end up crying for no reason sometimes, especially when I'm in a dark area and am able to sit without any interference (no particular thoughts, just a melancholy feeling of emptiness and the void).
I don't have the symptoms of depression though, like gaining/losing weight, I still like to eat food, I can get up and do whatever I'm supposed to do, and I am not constantly sad. Has anyone had this before? Please help.
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depression
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It’s so exhausting.
Once I figured out that I was autistic,
It redefined 3 decades of extreme confusion and anxiety I’ve felt with other people.
I’ve re-examined those I’ve surrounded myself with, and have basically decided “I don’t need relationships with these people, they’ve only brought me anxiety, stress, and emotional pain.”
Once I’ve lumped these folks together, it becomes easier to stop socializing with all of them altogether, since no **one** person suspects it was THEM that was the problem (it *was*).
I’ve only got one friend who I’ve disclosed to, and he’s been really understanding. He and didn’t demand nothing from each other, and always know when to back off and when to approach. I’m sure we’ll be friends forever (it’s already been close to a decade) and thinking about him only brings me comfort.
Anyone feel the same as me? Am I too cold? I feel like after years of masking and bending over backwards for NT people and eventually being left because “you’re a weird jerk” gives me the option to cut people out too.
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aspergers
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So really I'm just trying to see if anyone else has ever dealt with this as well as figure out if this is because of my OCD or??? Idk honestly. But recently I've had a serious problem with drinking water/not drinking enough water. It's one of those things I've always kind of had a thing about but for whatever reason in the past month or so it's gotten to a worrying point where the only water I can bring myself to drink is from a specific brand of bottled water. I have this fear that water is/will be contaminated by mold or metals and it'll make me sick from drinking it, it used to just be tap water which I could avoid with my Brita filter but recently it's grown to the point where I can't drink from my Brita filter (bc I think there's still mold etc in it despite the filter) as well as all but a particular brand of bottle water.
Does this sound like it's my OCD or something else? Has anyone else dealt with this and if so any advice ??
Ps, this doesn't seem to affect anything but water, I've been able to drink soda/tea/coffee etc even though there's obviously water in those, I've also been able to eat things that are cooked using water just fine.
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OCD
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I have PTSD from two different causes, and I still get somewhat triggered daily. I do not yet have a license, but I have a permit. My PTSD has nothing to do with driving at all, but sometimes I wonder if the constant fight-or-flight state makes driving difficult/straight up impossible? Some days are better than others, but I’m 20 years old now, and I still just don’t understand how people manage to focus on the road. Like I cannot imagine feeling that comfortable, and there’s no way for me to know if I’ll get overwhelmed while on the road until I’m already driving. The whole situation makes me cry all the time because I REALLY don’t wanna be that one adult without a car, but is this normal or safe? Any other suggestions or explanations for this experience?
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ptsd
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I don’t know if this is just me or if it is in my head but I have been taken Adderall for 3 days now and I feel like my body is better than ever. I am used to having constant pain in my body and aching all over but these last few days, little to no pain at all? Does ADHD cause body pain? Is there a reason for the meds to make my body pain free? Is this a happy side effect to the meds? Has anyone experienced this while on meds for ADHD?
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ADHD
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I tried everything but she just seemed to not give a fuck about me, every girl does this to me I'm fucking sick and tired of this shit I don't know what to do
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depression
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Hi,
I have ADHD (alongside bipolar). I have been on ADHD meds since I was about 17. I have been on vyvanse for a while. However, this past year, my vyvanse isn't giving me the same feeling it used to give me. All of last year, I took 10 mg adderall and then five minutes later would take 40 mg of vyvanse and it was almost like it kickstarted the vyvanse. And it worked so I kept doing that since it was really helping.
But since the end of August, I felt as though the 40 mg wasn't doing anything. So my dosage increased to 50 mg (vyvanse). I've been taking it, but I don't feel focused, nor do I feel motivated, alert, and other positive side effects that come with vyvanse. So I started taking 10 mg adderall again and then five minutes later 50 mg of vyvanse and STILL nothing. Has anyone experienced this before?
(Also please don't be mean...yes my doctor knows I am taking adderall and vyvanse together. She is obviously the one who prescribes it to me. I should also state that I am on other medications such as buspar, pristiq, seroquel, trazadone & guanfacine)
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ADHD
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As for me as an aspie I'm terrible in social situations so I pretty much never go up to a person to start a conversation. Even if it is somebody I know well, I wouldn't really do it as I'm too awkward to do it.
Conversations in general is awkward and weird for me as a lot of the time I run out of things to say quick so there is just awkward silence sometimes. I'm always thinking ' I wanna say the right thing, or I know I'm putting the person off or I'm running of out things to say.'
Feel free to share.
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aspergers
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why do i hate hearing my mom or dad laugh even though they haven’t done anything to me
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depression
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Looking for open discussion and hopefully can give some answers that I myself had found. After 27 long years of pain, bad employment, little socialization, that constant undeniable dread we all have underneath the surface. All the while wishing I had an answer that I was never given. From times when my mother had become addicted to Heroin, fired for trying to find any solace, moving 2000 miles away from home only to move back. It's been a long road and I learned a lot in that time. Far far away from painless. Losing job after job, suicidal ideation didn't strike until I was unemployed and the government seized my entire tax return. I could then see why people became homeless.
For where I am now, not pretty, but I'd found a lot of peace thankfully. Fortunately, I had nearly died on my motorcycle in order to really find it. Now I want to have a talk with fellow autistics to help. Too many unanswered questions left me feeling internally flawed all my life. The flaw isn't us, it's the state of the modern world.
I was diagnosed at 7 years of age. This had circumstantial effects on my environment. Seclusion into small groups of children with varied differences, maily the learning disabled. The only common aspect was our complete lack of a social structure. Learning disabled was a misnomer. That's only because I didn't like the school curriculum. I buried myself in things that I was interested since I was young. Studying things like aircraft structures, aerodynamics and atmospheric phenomenon. That's just a scratch on the surface really.
I never really had a true social group until 2019/20. Nearing the end of 2020 when I had the aforementioned accident. 2 months after I started learning very specific details about the social atmosphere. Understanding some common social virtues came before it. I had finally found my place, but after the accident, the only true happiness I had found was the complete lack of fear. Just free to be regardless of the judgments of others. That fearlessness led me on a track to really understand the state society lives in. Let me just say, it's on very rocky ground. Becoming myself made everyone believe I was going insane thus it caused me to be momentarily ostracized. I'd dealt with seclusion for many years. Could really care less. Sadly, I know why it'd happened.
I know that feeling of being alien all too much. Going through one painful experience to another. Not really going with the flow of the modern world. Just a single atom coerced into flowing with the mass. each painful thing really made me stronger. The lack of social knowledge really played hell with me. Of course the underlying depression never helped. All I wanted was to feel human, included, and not seen as an outsider. That repetition of pain literally caused me to go into catatonic PTSD. 1000 yard stare was my 2017 state of mind, not fun at all.
I currently loath many Autistic support organizations as many of us do for the very same reasons. Simply because their words are harmful and ignorant. Acting like we're a defect to be ridden; a problem to solve. I had to go back to the beginnings of psychiatry to really realize the dangers of it. That wasn't a pleasant realization. I plan on making videos about me, my life, how my own brain worked all through this. Along which, I do plan on writing a book. But a first book is no easy feat given how complex my life and the realizations are. Hence why I'd like to open up more discussion. I know you suffer, I also know why you suffer. I'm not making any promises, but hopefully what I have to say brings some of you a little hope. Even in a seemingly hopeless cold world.
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aspergers
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I just tried medication for the first time. I couldn’t really tell if it worked. My brain felt clear and I did my work but I suppose i couldn’t tell because I didn’t have much to do because it was the day before break. It made me feel kinda wierd I wasn’t hungry and when it wore off I got super tired. Overall idk how well it worked. I know it kinda worked but how much. What was y’all’s experience with meds?
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ADHD
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I have a lot of symptoms of OCD, and have for as long as I can remember. Several people have pointed it out to me as well, but I just can’t shake the feeling that I’m faking it. I’m too scared to talk to someone about it because I feel like it’s not real. I daydream a lot about characters that have some mental health issues, so I feel like I’m somehow physically manifesting that. I spend so much time wondering if I’m faking all of my problems for attention or if I’ve created them myself. I don’t know what to do anymore. Is it possible that I just manifested OCD? How do I talk to a doctor without being too scared to say something about it?
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OCD
|
I probably could have posted this in a more broadly mental health related sub, but PTSD is my biggest issue.
So I have been at my new job since March. I quit my last one due to unreasonable amounts of workplace stress (abuse, gaslighting, obscene workload, etc). When I got this job, I was so happy. It's super meaningful work and is much simpler than my last job. The people are great as well. However, it wasn't long before my issues reared their ugly head. Now I'm here, incredibly behind and just frozen. I was ill a few times and missed days, but mostly my depression/anxiety/trauma are making it so an eight hour day is really more like a four hour day. I get overwhelmed and put something on the back burner for a bit. Suddenly it's been months and my clients are shouting at me, asking me what I even do. I don't know how to answer them. I don't know how to admit how behind I am without being fired. I feel like I can't work a full day most days, but absolutely cannot afford to get a job with shorter hours. I don't know what to say to the guy who I've been putting off for nearly two months. My mental health is not his problem. Me missing things and putting things off is literally threatening peoples' livelihoods.
I'm drowning. What do I do?
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ptsd
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i cant do it, i cant go out for nice dinners with my family once a quarter and cant spend time like regular people do. i'm called ungrateful and worthless and tbh it's fair enough. i just wish there was some understanding of why i reject each offer to spend time or go out, fuck.
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depression
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I was diagnosed with adhd as a child, and until high school i took medication for it (ritalin in elementary then adderall at the end of middle into high school) in high school i noticed the medication was causing me to feel depressed and suicidal, so i stopped taking it...
i proceeded to flunk out of high school, never going past 10th grade. i kept going but i could not pass the classes, i stayed until i was over 18 and then just quit
i am now 33 years old, and until this year i lived with my mother and other family in my childhood home, i say until this year because at the beginning of the year my mother passed away from lung cancer, my other family had passed away years before.
ive never had a job, i have no friends and dont tend to go anywhere, i mostly stay on m computer because i can get the stimulation i need to make life not feel like an eternity and i am not comfortable around people most of the time if i dont know them
i am at the end of my rope, ive been living off the life insurance my mother had and it is about to be up, ive been keeping the home mortgage paid with it and i can only afford one more month but if i pay it i will be entirely broke
i have been trying to get control of my adhd but nothing works, i have side effects to every medication i try, stimulants cause me to become severely depressed even while taking antidepressants (which i take regardless), and the non stimulant causes me stomach problems and ive lost my appetite entirely to the point i was only eating one meal every other day.
ive never had any luck with controlling my issues, making schedules dont work because ill forget to look at the schedule, or write it, the only thing thats helped a little bit is adding alarms on my computer but even they dont always work
i dont know what to do, i called a hotline just after my mother passed and they helped me get a social worker and a therapist and psychiatrist, ive been trying to get the social worker to put in for disability for me but the first one i had literally did nothing to help me for 4 months, and this new one is trying but hasnt been much more helpful
ive applied for jobs all year, even though i doubt ill be able to hold one down, but no one will hire me because my job experience is blank
i am losing my mind, i am terrified i am going to lose my home, the only thing i have left of my family, and i dont know what to do.
i hate my life and i feel like i cant get any real help when i ask for it becuase no one close to me understands what i am dealing with.
i am ashamed of my life, i live in a shithole because i have trouble focusing enough to clean for long periods of time enough to actually get things done without someone helping me by actively being there and keeping me focused when i stray.
i dont know what i am expecting posting here, but i needed to get my thoughts out somewhere, because the only family i have left is a cousin that doesnt understand how badly i feel about everything, he just thinks i am lazy and wont put in effort so he shouts at me because i make "excuses" about things whenever i try to explain why and it makes me hate myself that much more.
i dont know what to do, and i am scared.
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ADHD
|
Does anyone else get these episodes of nothingness?
I'm 15 and I hate school. You know financial problems politics in my country, friends I don't like, a crush out of my league and teachers that don't know their own subject. So no reason to get out of bed in the morning. No reason to get out of bed any time of the day really. I have many interests yes but I just... Idk I don't wanna do anything for 6 months. At least 3 weeks maybe? Gal years don't exist here.
So either I waste my off days and I sit home for a day, it I slowly fall into a pit of depression like I do every year. It lasts about 8 months and it's pathetic and hard and sad and scary. It's just a dark hole that if you fall in, there is no stop. You're just gonna keep falling and falling.
Am I lazy for not wanting to go to school? Why don't it here's do it as well? Are they happy? Is a person that naive to be happy? I've been happy once. It's awesome. But not in that terrible place. God I can't stand this pressure anymore. School is just a huge clock counting to the day you'll take the big exam that's gonna determine you as a human being. Or just the university you'll go into. Just by listening to how hard it it every week 5 days a week 7 hours a day I feel suicidal.
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depression
|
I get thoughts telling me that if I do/don't do certain things (for example if I make a mistake while typing out a certain word my boyfriend will leave me) there are other types of thoughts I get too like I have to open the microwave at exactly 3 seconds or my boyfriend will cheat on me. I know it's completely illogical but i can't help but feel extremely panicked if I accidentally do something wrong. It's starting to effect my days a little bit. I've told him about it and he reassures me but it's unfair to keep pestering him about it.
I don't know what these types of thoughts are and I don't mean to cause offense if they're not OCD but I'm struggling with controlling them and the sense of anxiety I feel if I don't go through with these thoughts.
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OCD
|
The last prescription I had was 30mg sunrise Adderall. I LOVED them. IDK if this a one time batch ordeal or if this could potentially be a regular thing for sunrise.
This is the first time I have ever had sunrise specific generic. Back on nasty Zydus this month but I am seriously thinking of taking my doctor up on the offer to write "Sunrise only" on my prescription forms.
I wanted to hear others opinions before doing so. I do understand that not everyone reacts the same. Teva could be perfect for 6 people and the other 4 people hate Teva. Same with anything. So any feedback would be great. 1 thing I do know if Zydus sucks. Teva was OK, but that one bottle of sunrise was the best. I am also aware the next bottle could suck but I think it is worth giving another shot for me personally.
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ADHD
|
i don’t want to have flashbacks anymore, i don’t want to be so sensitive
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ptsd
|
Hey All! I’m on day 4 of this and the side effects are not fun! But I’m loving being able to get things done! I’m hoping this doesn’t last long but wanted to see how others have handle it and your experiences.
Right now I’m feeling nervous, anxious and constipation. My stomach hurts a lot!
I have stomach issues I’m dealing with using a functional doctor but I needed to get on some medicine for my adhd ASAP!
Backstory I have had the most stressful year of my life besides when I was a kid. Their has been death, divorce, a lot of moving, dealing with my dads estate and starting my own businesses so that’s why I needed to get on something to help stay on track of life.
But I’m not sure if that why my anxiety has become heighten with the medicine!
I’m waiting to hear from my doctor and see if this will pass once my system gets adjusted.
Like I’m said I love being able to finally have these monkeys in my brain not be all over the place anymore and I can get things done but I don’t know about these side effects! 😬
Thanks!
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ADHD
|
TW: body horror, assault(???), and maybe mass hysteria or something idk what to call it.
Just remembered something out of the blue because of a phrase my husband said. When i was a child, probably no older than 8, the other kids at my school would push pins underneath and through their fingers. They would try to push them through mine and laugh when i cried from the pain. I remembered feeling this intense sense of rejection and fear. Could this be considered trauma? I had a lot of worse things happen as a kid so i have a very hard time understanding whats considered a healthy and an unhealthy experience. I was under the impression this was normal for kids to do because my mom told me it was okay.
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ptsd
|
I don't want to fish for condolences from strangers, however, i'd like to express my profound hatred towards my OCD. I fucking hate it with all hatred that still exists in this carcass of meat and bones. After a whole night of obssessing my relatives visited me bringing the dire news, and yet I can't even imagine her being in a better place now without intrusive thoughts and images swarming all over my head, those despicable critters that plague me day and night. I fucking detest it, what a cruel notion.
Please don't say 'my condolences' and the like, i don't like it and I don't want it. I will survive the loss somehow. And yet OCD won't go anywhere. That I don't think I can bear for much longer.
​
Edit: Thank you for your words, fellow prisoners of flesh. I will manage, just to spite this illness aI will find some way.
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OCD
|
tw for masturbation, self harm
​
basically it eased up a bit and was going ok I guess then recently its worse and whenever I masturbate I obviously get terrible intrusive thoughts while I was watching porn
also watching porn is hard bc my intrusive thoughts keeps going "thats an underage person" even when they're both clearly grown adults
and I kept getting terrible images flashing in my head and my brain was basically using the porn as a template and I was watching porn to begin with so my brain could be more distracted but now its backfiring
​
and when I get those intrusive thoughts I stop and wait for it to pass but when I did it today it just wouldnt go away and I guess me trying to force it out might be why it was being so difficult to get out of my head and then I got really scared and distressed bc I felt even more aroused and Idk if its bc of my anxiety or not (like if it was groinal response can that happen when you were actually aroused before it/during the groinal response?) and if it wasnt and it was arousal was it bc the porn that was playing or what but I dont know but the intrusive thought managed to go away and when I was done I got even more distressed and this happened last time too basically and I keep thinking I am actually a pedo and I was misdiagnosed with ocd but I know it was a correct diagnosis due to my other many symptoms that are clearly ocd but also what if I am a pedo and have ocd at the same time and I'm going to try and never masturbate again and I dont want to live even more than usual and I am self harming and I even carved the words "I hate you" into myself the other day and I fucking hate being alive I constantly feel I'm being hunted for sport, I feel I am a terrible monster who should get beaten to death with burning hot pieces of metal I just hate I hate it so much I want to end it all I just want to fucking die I dont deserve to be alive and I never deserved to be alive and I cant describe the pure hatred I have towards myself
​
also sorry if this has mistakes or makes no sense I dont want to re-read it.
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OCD
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A few weeks ago my sister did a suicide attempt. She lived. Basically both of my sisters are depressed, my dad is depressed and so am i. This family is broken. It doesn't help that i have an eating disorder. Now she lives not at hove, but in a group with other children. I can't concentrate with school. I constantly feel like shit. I have stress about my eating. And my mother being alcoholic and my father having diabetes. It's all too much for me. I cant enjoy many things in life anymore.
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depression
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I was thinking lately how I am going to really try and be social and make friends. That is because I have 1 friend left around where I live and made another one lately.
Well I just received a text from a friend that I made lately asking me if I'm free on Saturday and now I am literally dreading that day.
I really want to go but I'm so stressed about this. I don't know that person that well but we hung out a few times and got on really well.
Why am I like this? And how do I move past this?
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aspergers
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