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OCD
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Does anyone else struggle with, what I found through a NOCD article, is termed "Race OCD". I constantly worry that I'm being perceived as racist. I'm white, I consider myself to be an ally of BIPOC and to work on being anti-racist. Lately though, I get hit with a ton of intrusive thoughts about coming across as racist when I speak to a BIPOC, which causes anxiety, which my anxiety probably then appears racist to the other person. I can't imagine what BIPOC have to endure on a daily basis just because of their skin color, so I'm not trying to make this about me. I'm just wondering if I'm alone in this or if other people struggle with this OCD theme. To be honest, it's pretty severe and it's scaring me, because this "theme" feels opposite to what I value & who I am. I can tell that other people notice I'm anxious, and I just hate that I'm displaying nervousness because im sure it makes the other person uncomfortable.
It's like my OCD/anxiety has found another thing to torment me with because I care about being anti-racist & being an ally to BIPOC. It feels so disgusting to me that I'm triggered when I pass by or interact with a BIPOC though. I know I'm coming off as anxious. I know it because I'm trying so hard not to be perceived as racist, that interactions just get weird, anxiety filled & awkward & I'm sure the other person is like wtf. I just hate my brain.
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OCD
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Hey everyone,
New to the community and only diagnosed half a year back. I feel very prone to becoming overstressed. As a bonus, I end up with a very consistent twitch until my stress is alleviated. Do any of you experience this?
Most things trigger it really, work, interacting with others, and being interrupted in the middle of a task.
Secondly I always feel overstimulated! For example: if a shirt doesn't fit just the way I like it, tags in clothing, lint on clothing, wrinkles- and don't get me started on sleeping. Sleeping is the absolute worst. I feel every little hair, every fiber of my sheets and it drives me nuts. I essentially feel as though something is constantly on my body and I end up itching hoping it goes away. The worst thing to wear has to be jeans. I despise them. For years I wore them because they looked "socially acceptable", but they're so uncomfortable.
I guess I'm asking what types of sensory issues y'all experience with Aspergers and what you do to conquer them?
Sorry for my rant. I don't talk to many people on a personal basis.
~Jacob
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aspergers
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Everyone treats me like total shit from family to friends, my mother left for the hospital tonight and was was talking to my brother about how I use vitamin b 12 to detox from weed to pass test and he smacks them out of my hand into the rain then starts beating on me. Also it’s my b day weekend and I didn’t get anything not even a party. My mom and dad aren’t in my life because I live w my grandparents and it’s hard to deal with everything alone and to have no one, everyday I think about suicide because of the way my family and people treat me and for real I think I’m gonna end my life soon there’s no point in staying in a world where I’m unwanted. So much fucked up shit has happened to me. I’ve never had a stable home or steady meals every night ever in my life. When I was young I was physically and sexually abused and I don’t even know how to process any of it. I have no friends and no real family so I’m just gonna say fuck it and goodbye
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depression
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So as of the last week I've developed a compulsion where i have to move my neck a certain way or push on a part of my ear in order to get rid of certian sounds that reply in my head. It's related to my misophonia.
My neck hurts so bad right now from it because it's a very jerky motion. Definitely need to get my meds switched because obviously sertraline isn't working either.
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OCD
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Lost my job at a law firm just over a month ago (covert racism and character assassination). Had two interviews this week and didn’t get the job. People that are less qualified/experienced than me are succeeding.
I spent most of this past year and all of last year being secluded due to unemployment. I am losing so much hope to keep on perservering and to keep on pushing. But I just don’t know how to do it anymore.
It took me fucking 8 years to get through university because I was such a mess. Went from one degree to another. I am losing the desire to keep on going.
I may not kill myself but in my own mind I’ve already died.
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depression
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It is still work from home but its what I love doing. I started my digital art and graphic designing business back up. Haven't slept in 3 days cause i have been working on 4 diffeeent projects. Poor vision and a lot of other stuff caused me to give it up a few years ago but now I'm back and it feels great. I don't make much but it helps the rest of my income, its great art therapy and it gets me out of my head. I look forward to working on my art more, it as always been a source of inspiration and support for me, especially when I had no one else. Art was always there.
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aspergers
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I take my vyvanse as soon as I wake up. So for about 1.5 hours as I’m waiting for it to kick I pretty much do nothing. I like it because it lasts longer, but am getting frustrated being so unproductive for that time. I was on ritalin for a while but it was hard to keep track of when I took pills & when I had to take them again. Does anyone else feel this way? Should I just try to force myself to be more productive while I’m scatter brain in the am?
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ADHD
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I don’t think I’ve ever felt this empty and miserable in my whole life
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depression
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But ive been experiencing these symptoms for a long time and recently its gotten worse so i finally mentioned it to my psychiatrist and she made me feel so much more informed. Like I didn’t even know half the stuff i was experiencing was trauma.
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ptsd
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I don't know if it's caused by ADHD or symptoms of depression (I'm not diagnosed but these symptoms were pointed out by a few proffesionals while discussing ADHD and OCD).
Motivating myself to do anything has been a huge issue for me for a while now (years actually). But now that I moved away and my mum can't force me to do anything the issue got worse.
My room is a mess. Thankfully I found a way to clean my whole room without getting too exhausted - I clean something, then switch to cleaning something else, take breaks etc. Until the room is clean. But it takes a few days before I start doing anything and another few days before the room gets fully cleaned.
But my main issue is school: I try to force myself to go but always give into my excuses and either skip a lecture or a whole day.
Yesterday I got ready and was about to leave my room when I had to use the toilet. I really don't want to go into details but my poop was weird so I was like "Welp, better not go because I may be sick and crap myself at school". Long story short, I was right (I didn't crap myself but I had diarrhea). But the excuse was still dumb because I had no reason to believe I was right by the time I used that excuse.
Today I again, woke up early and was ready to start preparations. But then I thought "okay, maybe I didn't get better and I'm still sick" and didn't go to school again. I was wrong, I'm fine now.
I don't even know why I'm making excuses not to go. I love college, I really enjoy my lectures and can focus on them thanks to my meds. I also want to become a tutor, maybe a teacher, so I need that degree. I get excited every time I'm about to go to school but still make dumb excuses not to go. What the fuck is wrong with me??? I'll get kicked out if I'll continue to behave like this..
I feel so guilty because of this. Skipping school makes me feel worthless, I feel like my life has no purpose without it. I know I won't be truly happy if I won't fulfil my dream of teaching. It makes me suicidal but I still can't motivate myself to go...
And I'm worried about my future. I won't be able to work because of this dumb issue and I need to somehow support myself financially..
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ADHD
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I've been suffering with what I and my family believe is ADHD for decades. I've been trying to get diagnosed for the past 6 months - however my GP (NHS - I'm in UK) has just admitted they lost my medical records, so there's no childhood evidence which the ADHD services have demanded for diagnosis. I am being re-referred soon without the records, which according to online information means I might be diagnosed in a year or two.
I don't know how much longer I can wait. I feel like I am in a nightmare, and I just want my life to improve - this condition has caused me so much pain and ruined so much of my life already. It is now so bad I am considering buying amphetamines off a guy I know (yeah, I lead that kind of life, in part I think because of ADHD) to self-medicate so I can just for once function properly and complete a project and not constantly struggle to achieve things every single day.
I don't have the money to get a private diagnosis.
Can anyone offer any advice? Any way to cope in the meantime, or just on my situation in general?
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ADHD
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I was recently diagnosed and prescribed medication. I’ve struggled with diet and exercise my entire life. I can lose weight through diet alone, but I want to start exercising.
I find it EXTREMELY difficult to find the motivation to do so though! I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome as well, so I can’t do high impact exercise like running or swimming.
What’s helped you establish an exercise routine? Any suggestions on what to do?
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ADHD
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I’m so sorry if this isn’t the right sub for this, I just don’t know where else to go. Two days ago my boyfriend ran over a kitten while I was in the car. It was an accident obviously, but I can’t stop replaying the scene in my head. The scared look this poor baby had in its eyes as we hit it. I immediately made him turn around but the kitten had already passed. We moved its’ body and about 10 minutes later I had to drive back myself and take the kitten to a vet. It had already passed but I couldn’t just leave it on the side of the road. I can’t stop thinking about the weight of it. Such a small creature had so much weight when it passed. I haven’t slept or eaten since. I have four cats myself, and I can’t get its face out of my head every time I go to love on my own cats. I don’t know what to do, I know it was an accident and it’s just a cat but it won’t stop.
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ptsd
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I thought maybe I should share, even though I’m really scared. I know this is anonymous, but I’m trembling writing this.I wanted to start sharing everything that’s going to happen in the coming months.
After months of thinking about it, I finally called my health provider and made an appointment to be tested for ADHD and a therapy appointment for my anxiety. I went into my closet, sat on the floor, and stuffed a towel under the door so my roommate was unable to hear me. I cried the entire time as the operator was asking me preliminary questions. It wasn’t even a therapy appt, but there I was, shaking, crying quietly.
I don’t know how I got the courage to do it. Maybe because it’s been getting a lot harder lately. Like so fucking hard I can’t seem function anymore. My mood swings back and forth from upset to anger to perfectly fine the entire day, I can’t focus on one single thing, but when I do, everything else in my life gets shitty. I focus on school, then everything else suffers, like I can’t maintain any relationships. So then I focus on my social life, but everything else becomes shitty/troublesome. I focus on myself and I just become an anxious mess that can’t organize, prioritize, eat properly, concentrate and learn. I’m just a mess. Procrastination has been my thing since I was in elementary school. My grades have been dropping, I constantly interrupt my professors, people I’ve interviewed for class, friends, and acquaintances. I get frustrated and have this bubbling rage at the most minor inconveniences. I’m lowkey scared to drive now, because of how distracted I’ve been becoming on the road. I’m distracted by my own thoughts, and I can’t get it to stop. I don’t even notice it most of the time, but when I do I just can’t stop it. I don’t know why it’s so hard to do daily everyday tasks. I struggle with the basics, and I have my whole life.
This isn’t anything new for me. It’s been like this for years, but it wasn’t until last year when I learned about ADHD. Everything sort of clicked when i read about about adult ADHD. I thought I was incompetent compared to my peers. A selfish, unfocused, lazy idiot. I just hope my disorganized mind can become clear.
What was your journey like discovering you have ADHD?
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ADHD
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I have been doing ERP therapy for a few months now and was wondering when other people felt they no longer needed to keep performing their ERP sessions? My therapist said that if I don't experience any anxiety for around a week I can stop the loop tapes and other ERP routines. If I experience anxiety from my OCD I need to start back with the ERP.
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OCD
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So it is 3amish here and like every night the flashbacks make sleep impossible, any advise on how to combat this? Running off 2-4 hours hours sleep every day is making the day time coping possibly worse than night.
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ptsd
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I've come to realize that my treatment with antidepressants is not working at all. I used to feel like a rollercoaster of terrible emotions, but now, after taking antidepressants since the beginning of this year, I don't feel at all. Nothing. Neither good nor bad feelings. I don't know what's the worst: feeling sad and crying all the time or not feel anything.
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depression
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For instance. When I have taken ritalin, I feel less empathy/emotions when I am speaking to friends in Whatsapp. I answer only towards what has been said or asked. And then realize afterwards that I missed the emotional aspect of a message.
Also in real life, I feel less emotional/emphathic, when speaking with friends/family.
I do feel more positive and less selfish. It’s less about me. Feeling more in control.
How does ritalin affect these aspects in your life?
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ADHD
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I have had this condition since I was born but was only diagnosed at the age of 12. I’ve been on so many meds, been to so many therapist appointments, and been to the hospital so many times. Every year that passes my OCD becomes worse. The thoughts.. They never stop, they won’t go away. It has gotten to the point where I SIB just to make the thoughts go away for just a few seconds. What momentary bliss. I can’t talk about stuff that’s important to me without ruminating or dissociating. It’s left me unable to handle other people’s point of view. I have become so sensitive to other people’s words over the past year. I cannot help but think about the consequences and implications of nearly everything I do including writing this here post. I am afraid of what people will say to me. I don’t want to be hurt.
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OCD
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I did a search and saw there are quite a few posts on this website with a lot of mixed feedback.
I have ADHD. I was diagnosed many years ago, but needed a current diagnosis for medication as I was finishing up breastfeeding my second daughter. I don't have much time or money, and it's hard to get in with psychiatrists and it's especially hard to get proper diagnoses for ADHD as an adult woman. I thought, this will be easy. I will build up a medication history and I can transfer it to a real psychiatrist when I have more time and money.
I did get a diagnosis, back in April 2021. But I couldn't commit to weaning my daughter and didn't finish nursing my daughter until November, so I had my first medication appointment November 23.
I was prescribed Adderall and my psychiatrist said that I could always get in touch between appointments if something was up with the medication or I needed an adjustment and told me to make my 30-day follow-up.
At that time, I was literally leaving an abusive relationship and I forgot to call. I also might have mentioned I have ADHD. So I waited almost two weeks to try to schedule the follow-up and they could not get me in until December 28. I pointed out that would be 5 days without medication, and asked if I could just speak to my psychiatrist as this seemed easy to deal fix. The receptionist said she would reach out to my psychiatrist but basically said "your appointment is the 28th."
I did expect my psychiatrist to reach back out. As a psychiatrist, it's your job to manage medication and any problems with it. If you're paying for psychiatric care, that includes the ability to get in touch with your psychiatrist. I heard nothing.
Yesterday I called back and asked again if I could please speak to my psychiatrist to avoid a gap in medication. This time, I actually explained about the abusive relationship, even though it is none of their business. The receptionist would not even attempt to reach my psychiatrist. She told me that it was my fault for not making an appointment sooner, that she understood I had things going on in my life but that everyone does, and that nothing would happen to me if I went cold turkey off my medication for 5 days.
First of all, receptionists should not give medical advice. Second of all, it is not OK for some people to go cold turkey off Adderall, even if they just started it. Third of all, psychiatrists should be reachable.
It's one thing for a place to fuck up a diagnosis. Any psychiatrist could do that and you kind of have to expect it from a place called "ADHD Online." You're taking a gamble because you don't have a better option, like me.
But this seems frankly dangerous to me and I wanted to put it out there. I did notice in looking at the complaints and reviews on Better Business Bureau that I'm not the only person who has been denied access to their psychiatrist and forced to wait for medication.
Clearly, I'm seeking a new psychiatrist immediately, and not one online.
Just wanted to throw out a warning.
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ADHD
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I'm thinking about dipping out of this friendship because it doesn't seem like it's going anywhere. She also thinks she has aspergers and adhd and I kinda want to keep her around because I can share my ND experiences with her because I feel like she can relate. This friendship doesn't have to move further relationship wise but I like people who seem like they like me. People who want to hang out, people who make time for you, people who put in even the smallest amount of effort like texting first and texting like you want to keep talking and she doesn't seem like she's been any of that. Like I like effort and with this friendship with this girl I feel like I'll never see her again and it's not ok with me because I like seeing my friends in person. Also I haven't heard a peep from her in a while because I usually text her first but I haven't texted her in a while. What do you think should I continue to not text first? I kinda want to ask her "how come you don't text me first?"
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aspergers
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twas very good. didn’t cry this time but i opened up abt my trauma dumping and boundary issues and self harm. i really enjoy going to therapy. work was okay. a bit stressful but i like it kinda. it’s either really really hard or super fuckinf easy. i literally stand and doodle cos there’s nothing to do. i did some shadow work todah cos i was bored. i hate my other job. it sucks. i don’t like the people. it’s tiring and i just don’t like it. i really want to quit lol
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depression
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I don’t know who to talk about this. I feel so stupid. I was just going to work by using my electric bike and I didn’t look right in time. The car was just inches away from me before it hit me from the side, I flew off my bike and broke the windshield. I just remember falling down and feeling grateful that my head ended up falling on top of my backpack instead of the pavement. The fear that cornered me was just way too much.
The lady that was driving called 911 stating that she didn’t see me and I calmed her down from the floor telling her that it’s okay. I knew it was me.
I don’t have any bone fractures, just some scratches and bruises all over my body. The hospital released me last night so I could recover safely at home, yet I can’t stop the flashbacks. It’s really too much.
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ptsd
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mine is personal hygiene.
the problem. i do not know when the last time the woman i am about to have sex with, has showered, bathed, etc.
only about 25% of the time does "working it in to my routine", successful.
"hey, wanna take a shower? i got some really nice scented bath soaps."
::shrugs::
i can sit and talk, intelligently, quantum physics if you want, but the moment it comes to just even a kiss, and we just had dinner,
my mind says, "jesus, she just ate meat, and has not bushed or flossed, and neither have i!!"
but get this, coffee "or i do tea" and a pastry? NO FUCKING PROBLEM. why?
literally, i have found it easier to "hire" a girlfriend for the day. they come to my home. we watch movies, i can cook a meal that will not disgust me if i kiss them (leeks and potato soup BABY!!) when i say, lets go take a shower, it is NOT awkward. it comes out naturally. every thing progresses naturally.
but that is a once every few months thing.
what do i do? i mean, just because i want to be clean, i am weird? come on! at least i do not shave ALL the hair on my body!! i still like a little chest hair and mustache.
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OCD
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Just is it says - in the past has someone wronged you in some way and then, later on, were able to do something that made you feel even? All so often people talk about how they have been taken advantage of, so as a chance of pace let's talk about those times when justice put in an appearence.
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aspergers
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Today I had so much fun but for the last 6 hours it's just been pain I'm super drunk now thinking about going for a walk but I feel like I can't trust myself so I drink more but also want to walk even more idk what to do the pain is taking me over I don't want to continue I started self harm again at least if you call scratching with different things self harm I just don't know how to continue it's just psinful
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depression
|
I have repeated, persistent and unwanted thoughts, urges or images that are intrusive and cause distress my mind is there any natural remedy worked for you guys to over come this type of OCD.
Ex : I have heard about Weed and Valerian root do they really work?
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OCD
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I dunno, I’ll always think it’s getting better and then nope, hits like a damn truck, knocks me to the ground, and runs over me.
It always gets better for a bit, or I start to look forward to things, but clearly there’s no point to hoping if it all crashes and crumbles. If you don’t look forward to anything, you can’t be let down.
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depression
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[M20 self diagnosed, ADHD PI]
I've been super obsessed with sports since a young age. I personally wasn't lucky enough to have a career in sports but I found sports simulation games that allowed me to be a sportsman in a virtual world. And just like anyone with adhd, I have these intense bouts of gaming obsession and sports fanboying. I grew up as an ardent football/soccer fan and a few months back I gave up football since the team I supported were performing terribly and were not helping my mental health. So I got into formula 1 racing ever since. I got SUPER OBSESSED and started playing the official game too and I was pretty good at it. The phase lasted for 4 to 5 months.
But since last week I just don't feel like going back to f1 gaming or just do anything that's related to motorsports, cus my old love for football is back and I'm more interested in it now. This is clearly a transition period and I so badly don't wanna lose interest in that amazing sport. I feel so terrible but it is what it is.
I'm also afraid that this might translate into my future relationships, that I might lose interest in my partner. This is the reason I've rejected multiple girls. I don't even know what to do. I'm not under medication though. Does it even help?
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ADHD
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I’m going through a hard time. I don’t see many people often. When I do, I’ll put on YouTube, or something else in passing.
I guess my phone is listening to the things I say when I’m alone, because it knows I’m depressed, and the ads that play are often about medication or therapy.
Everyone who’s a millennial or gen Z understands that ads are targeted. This makes me really uncomfortable, and has happened a couple of times. It really doesn’t help..
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depression
|
Hi everyone, so before I say what I have to say, I don't think that I'm suffering with ptsd, but it feels certainly a little bit like traumatic stress at least.
So intrusive thoughts are a horrible thing, and recently I experienced an extremely scary and uncomfortable one to the point that it made me scared and put me into a state of fear and panic. That day was one of those days were I genuinely had never felt so down. It really affected me.
For about a week after, I started suddenly living my life differently, I wasn't eating properly because on the day if the event I was sick, and my appetite changed, and then I had awful health anxiety, and I was losing weight and I was waking up at 7am to have my breakfast, and sometimes I would bring it up. Which became a fear, and so yeah it was all about that. But at the same time I realised that I wasn't just avoiding waking up at the same time everyday, I was avoiding doing things that I used to love and enjoy, but I also felt like I couldn't enjoy those things because I was so affected by that Intrusive image that I saw.
But I then realised that the reason that I had the intrusive image in the first place was because I had been in a negative thinking pattern and in a state of desperation to try and change the way I was living, (it was a perfection state of thinking) and its also like my mind has changed too, I am just no longer in that thinking pattern anymore, but it's starting to shine through a little again and it makes me feel anxious everyone I do something that I did then.
I am still affected by it in some way shape or form and I just feel like I can't forward, without trying to get over it first, but then that's going to mean, trying to do things before that I used to love but they still make me anxious. For example I used to spend hours writing on my computer and I wouldn't think anything of it but now I can't even spend ten minutes to do anything on it because it was starting to remind me of the time before. And I started to feel anxious.
I am slowly getting back to things but it seems only in the evening I can enjoy some of the little things I used to enjoy, I have even gone back to using my laptop because I have no bad memories connected to that...
Everyday I wake and have no plans to do anything because everything that I used to do seems scary now.
And trust me I want to be able to do these things again, but I just would like to find a way to heal first and then I can get back my favourite things. And I am still scared of that mindset.
Also I am taking 1 capsule after dinner to help my mood, so because of that I am managing to sleep well, and stay calm during the day but it doesn't change my thoughts about this.
Anyone got any ideas on what's happening and how to help?
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ptsd
|
I just want to wake up on January 2nd. So many triggers, so many people I don't want to interact with.
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ptsd
|
I haven't seen my doctor in a little over a month, and the last time I did he said he was sending out my prescriptions. Me being the mess that I am I didn't get around to trying to pick them up until a couple weeks later, only to find out over the course of another week that not only were they not at the pharmacy, but my doctor explicitly went back on his word and is refusing to send out a script for any more Adderall until I see him again. I'm having total mental shutdowns where I sleep for 14 hours at a time because I can't keep track of everything I need to do without these meds right now. I had survived on some extras I've accumulated over the years but I ran out a while ago. I don't know what to do and I'm spiralling because of this
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ADHD
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Rhetorical question: with friends, who needs enemies?
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ptsd
|
Hi everyone. So I was recently diagnosed with OCD after starting with a new therapist a few months ago. My therapist has mentioned once that outpatient treatment is a good option but it is up to me if I want to do it (right now I do therapy two days a week. I'm making slow progress (partly due to me not doing homework) but its progress still. It sounds silly but I am worried I am not sick enough for outpatient and most websites don't outline what symptoms you have to be dealing with to be admitted. For reference, I have harm ocd and emetophobia. The harm ocd is bad, but not everyday. The emetophobia has gotten better over the past 5 years but I am still worried about holding a job and riding in a car with people and things like that. I am interested in a more intense therapy because I need to move on with my life. With that said I ask, how did you make the decision to go outpatient? If you also have emetophobia, what treatment worked best for you? thank you in advance/
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OCD
|
Hi! I wanted to share something nice with everyone because I know how debilitating OCD can be. Recently I made a big decision to move to a different country and my anxiety and OCD which were mostly dormant for the last two years went through the roof. I think they've never been so bad actually. For me it mostly focuses on habits before sleep and lately also throughout the day and I can tell you this: No matter how incredibly scary or absurd it is, you can beat every compulsion, one step at a time! The moment you prove it to yourself with the least concerning compulsion, you know already you took the first step and you can defeat all the other compulsions the same way, because their nature is identical. I want to share one particular example:
I went to my grandma and she made a beautiful bouquet of flowers and put it into a vase in the sleeping room. I had this crazy though that "This is a change in your environment, it won't let you sleep because it doesn't belong in this room!" and at first I thought it's crazy stupid, but I quickly became overwhelmed by this thought. I was incredibly ashamed, I was judgmental towards myself, I felt it is so incredibly pathetic that I am scared of a darned flower... In the past I'd not tell anyone, but my grandma knows about my OCD and so does my boyfriend and I told them both about it. I spent 6 hours trying to figure out what to do about this flower and after discussing it with my boyfriend, I promised him that no matter what I won't remove this flower from the bedroom. I was scared, I was scared it won't let me sleep and my insomnia will get worse and I will go crazy, but I thought to myself that I love myself, I love all the people who support me with this and even if I can't sleep one night, I will eventually sleep with this darned bouquet... and guess what? I was actually able to sleep not bad. In fact I loved this bouquet, I would smell it every morning and remove the leaves that'd fall off as it aged. Eventually it aged so much we had to throw it away anyway and I was sad it is no more.
After I defeated that compulsion, I was actually able to defeat other compulsions the same way - not checking the back of the couch, not checking the door multiple times etc. one by one, not pausing videos at a specific moment - just building on the experience with the bouquet! It almost went like an avalanche and it was really surprising! To be fair - I am still very stressed as the move abroad is getting closer, I sleep poorly, I fixate on my breath (I also have sensorimotor OCD) and I am bothered with all sorts of pure obsessive thoughts, but at least I am freeing myself of my compulsions which is already a big difference!
So to sum this up, here's what I think what really helps:
1. Don't judge yourself! No matter how absurd your thought it might be, it's just another face of anxiety. Recognize it as such, but don't try to classify it as better or worse, it's all the same.
2. Don't be afraid to speak up about it - your true friends and family can be an invaluable help. Sometimes I am too weak to give up on compulsions myself, but it helps me immensely if I talk about it to someone and promise them I will do my best and have their support
3. Do it one step at a time - this goes back to being gentle and not judgmental - sometimes it's too hard and it's ok
4. Celebrate every victory - just the way you conditioned your mind that it has to perform compulsions, you can do the very opposite by showing it that letting go (even though it's incredibly scary) is the proper solution. Ultimately it will become less and less scary because you are trained! It works the same as with any sport when you risk falling and fall many times, but ultimately you don't and what felt incredibly scary suddenly feels just mundane and even boring!
5. Try to be grateful for every nice thing that happened to you - it really helps me to shift my thinking from negative (how bad my OCD is, how many bad things happened to me) to positive (what nice things I did today, what I saw that pleased me, (e.g. a sunset) etc. You can't control what bad thoughts appear randomly, but you can control whether you ruminate about negative things or think positively
If you made it all the way down to the end of the post, thank you! I really hope this helps you. You can do it!
|
OCD
|
Idk if this is an ADHD thing or an OCD thing (I was diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, and Anxiety) or a me being weird thing, but whenever there's music playing that I'm not playing myself and I have to walk near it, I just feel... off. I don't know how to describe it, I just feel weird. Is this an ADHD thing?
And since there's apparently a 300 character requirement I might as well ask another question. If there's any music playing, do you move your body to the rhythm unintentionally? I do that and idk which disorder, if any, that's from.
|
ADHD
|
I hate everything about me.
I have a friend, who is just better than me in every single way. He's 190cm (almost 6'3), has white skin, a beautiful face, beautiful hair, and everything. While I'm 166cm (barely 5'5), with brown skin, a disgusting face, and no matter how much I try my hair doesn't look as good. He's also more extroverted, smarter, etc. Every fucking time I see him I want to burn my face so no one can see how ugly I am. I hate myself. All I want to do is fucking die. It's not worth it living this way
|
depression
|
I've been seeing some people for a ptsd episode that I've been going through for a few months, but I'm really feeling like I reached out to the wrong type of counselors. And they don't appear to have the self awareness to realize it and refer me. I'm not even mentally capable of fixing this. I'm finding info online describing what I'm going through so I know there is an actual difference between anxiety and this. They keep talking about meditation and breathing. I'm WAY past that.
So this is my life now I guess because I can't focus long enough on anything to fix it alone.
|
ptsd
|
Maybe this isn’t the right forum to ask, if so, please just point me elsewhere.
Over twenty years ago, my nephew moved in with us.
He‘s never paid rent, or helped with the bills.
At first, he made DEMANDS, like having supper kept in the oven for him.
He wouldn’t ASK, he’d just get angry that he had to warm it up.
He started stealing things, personal keepsakes, a radar detector right out of our car, my exercise bicycle..
And he‘d always say “you weren’t using it”.
I got a salt and pepper grinder for Christmas.
He would throw a fit if it wasn’t dead center in the table.
I explained it was MY Salt and Pepper grinder, and after all, he was getting free room and board.
I suggested he simply leave other people’s property alone.
He wouldn’t listen.
Half the time, he was only stealing to trash stuff.
It seemed to give him pleasure to destroy things and assert dominance.
My Dad’s bamboo fishing poles had been up on hooks in our garage.
I found them out on a grassy bank, rotted and falling apart.
There was a pattern; he’d take useful stuff, throw it outside to be ruined, and come back in several months to throw it in the dumpster.
In March, he went to get out his motorcycle.
He only needed to move a folding table where I’d been sewing for customers.
He spent three hours dumping everything of mine he could find, including a $500 industrial Consew sewing machine, out in the driveway.
And proceeded to sneer about “throwing out the trash”.
But when the monkey isn’t riding him, he’s more relaxed.
So, any theories?
OCD?
OCDPD?
Narcissism?
He was apparently abused by his alcoholic stepfather.
Now, he’s BECOME the bully.
I asked him to contribute $20 a week to the Electric Bill and he attacked me, throwing me down and putting me in a headlock to shut me up.
He’s a trucker and makes $50K a year.
Its as if; where normal people have a “that’s mine/that’s not mine” switch, he sees everything as his.
|
OCD
|
It’s therapy to participate in things like this, if you would please help get some votes on my design I really do appreciate it. Thank You! 💚💛
https://www.threadless.com/designs/you-are-not-alone-11
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ptsd
|
When I start work (website design) or any sort of creative project I have two voices in the back of my head.
One is a perfectionist that wants every last detail in the exact right spot no matter how small.
The other is an anxious wreck that has an ever running list of everything I’ve forgotten to do or still need to do.
These voices make it almost impossible to start a project let alone finish it.
How do you guys keep these voices under control?
|
ADHD
|
I can’t communicate properly, I can’t be happy, I can’t meet people. I just stay in my room because I’m not built for this world. I fucking can’t do this shit anymore, all I do is struggle.
I don’t even want to be happy anymore, I just want to be normal. I was scared I was gonna end up a loser, but looks like I already am. If I didn’t have people who care for me and love me, I would be gone.
|
depression
|
Like, there's sand and grime in the gears. The pulley cables are all worn and ready to snap. The batteries are all drained and won't recharge. The machine still runs, but its time is still going to come sooner or later, because it's really beyond repair. That's me in a nutshell.
|
depression
|
And what might it look like. My deceased father was apparently bipolar, he also took bipolar meds such as lamatogrine that he apparently did well with. I'm self speculating myself as asd but am wondering why since it's apparently very hereditary. Mental health issues are kinda big in my family and trying to piece things together.
|
aspergers
|
For me what makes me depressed are the 1000 things I have anxiety over constantly draining my mind at the same time. If I didn’t think about anything at all, I would be content
|
depression
|
Hello, I am 21 and I have depression, anxiety, and dissociation. Possibly other things. Recently I feel like things are foggy, and I just want to sleep. Happy moments are slowly being overrun with the constant feeling like I'm worthless. I feel like I don't deserve it. Its difficult to break from the feeling. I try to focus on the silver lining in things but everything I try to think is drowned out by how stupid I feel. People feel far away and the situations reply like movies. I dont know why I'm posting this. I'm not asking a question right now. I just feel like garbage. I dont want to feel like garbage.
|
depression
|
I tend to ramble on and never get to "the point." There's probably an art to getting to the point, but I haven't grasped it.
I'd like to write articles but I never know where to start or stop. Everything bleeds into everything else. Maybe I'm a holistic thinker, or I can't properly see the edges between things (maybe this is related to how I'm bad at respecting people's boundaries... I'm either too close or too far away).
At job interviews, or just in regular conversation, I'll start from the middle of a huge topic and just go off, expecting to come back around to make a BIG concise point, but the listener doesn't have the patience or the attention span. Obviously it's unfair of me to expect them to listen intently to my monologue.
Does anybody have any tricks in this regard? Any way to adapt? Any way to extract concise points and threads from my meandering systemic thinking?
|
aspergers
|
I have no idea how it all happened. I swear I was okay 4 months ago and suddenly I got thrown into this familiar dark pit again and the edge is too far for me to hold on to and pull myself up. I’ve been depressed before but I was okay for a bit and suddenly I’m not functioning anymore again. I feel like a floating nothing. I can’t feel my hands, my feet, my face, it feels as if I’m nothing but hollowness. I cry out of the blue for no apparent reason, I don’t know why I’m in pain, all I know is that everything hurts yet at the same time, I’m numb. And during this numbness I’ve been hurting myself again like how I used to and now it’s far easier to do, I don’t even hesitate, and that’s how I knew how bad it is already. I talk a lot but I say words that don’t make sense and I can’t seem to know what to say. I can’t explain how everything feels. I don’t know how to be okay because I don’t even know what’s wrong. I don’t know how to fix it because I can’t understand what the problem is. And I never needed sympathy, all I need is to be better. All I need is to feel a little less miserable. To feel that I haven’t lived the same day for the thousandth time already. To wake up for something and not just for the sake of not having another choice but to open my eyes.
A little less pain, that’s all I ask. But God, you stood me up.
|
depression
|
To whoever said that adult life is great, I politely disagree. I have been an adult for less than a month and my depression is already back, stronger than ever.
|
depression
|
I visited Malvern Hill Battlefield two days ago with my family at 11 AM. I visit sites often & always joke about “displeasing the spirits” but have never seen or heard anything.
In the parking lot, I saw a man dressed in a confederate uniform walking swiftly past us. I took three pictures from behind and joked to my mom “if these glitch, I’ll know he’s a ghost!” He was walking the trail from the opposite direction it’s intended to be walked. My family decided to go that way as well. He was out of sight before we even started on the path.
Part of the trail is in the woods (about 2 miles worth) where fighting occurred & bodies were buried—you could still see the ditches they dug. We stopped a lot to look at the signs posted and we’re not going quickly. Well, suddenly I heard LOUD rustling. There were no footsteps or sounds beforehand. I turned around and there was the “soldier” walking the same speed. He didn’t hesitate even though my parents were not getting out of the way at first. He passed us and my mom said “nice outfit” and he said “thanks.” Didn’t lift his head or look at us.
I then thought, “how did he get behind us?!” There is only one path in the woods. He couldn’t have doubled us because the tail itself is 3 miles at least. It was in the 80s, sunny, and he was in a wool outfit. Idk how he kept that consistent pace, either.
We didn’t see him again. I didn’t look at my photos until that night and to my surprise, only the pictures with him in it GLITCHED. I’ve never had this happen to any live photos before. I also posted pictures of the scenery to reddit & facebook and most comments were asking if I saw a ghost & saying instead of a “lone reenactor.” Someone pointed out that he didn’t have a shadow, too. Not sure if it was the angle, but I have a picture of my dad 10 minutes later and he has a shadow (though it’s in the grass, not pavement). Someone also said that it could’ve been a park employee since it was only 2 days after the anniversary, but that they usually stand at one spot and he’s “never seen one” at this battlefield before.
Why was he alone? How did he catch up with us? Why did my photos glitch? Why isn’t there a shadow? Why was he walking so fast and why didn’t he talk to us more or even look at us if he was an employee whose job is to help guests?
I know my OCD is latching onto this but I am worried I’m being haunted now & I actually drove back there the next day (2 hrs total) to drop off a PEBBLE I took since I thought I angered a ghost (I didn’t intentionally take it. I forgot my fidget at home and was using it to occupy my hands. forgot that I was holding it.)
|
OCD
|
I find myself obsessing over what I am eating and how many calories, I feel like I don't deserve to eat. And how much I weigh. Right now im 108 lbs (but I have always been really small) I have lost a18 lbs in the past 3 weeks. Also I keep obsessing over keep losing weight and the schedule of the times I eat
|
OCD
|
Here is the start of a list where I as a ND would see opportunities to use our abilities for the better:
\- different way of thinking compared to 90% of others:
E.g. I see many details which are else gone unseen, very structured approaches at work, very strategic approaches when playing boardgames for example.
\- very creative:
when seeing processes for the first time, I think about how to improve it and question why it is set up like it is, often it can be improved by my input
\- my brain produces much random stuff:
thinking about topics of special interest
\- emotional disregulation:
I am not holding back on my emotions, you can read it on my face almost all the time
\- less urge for having a huge social life:
I am happy with having some good friends or also to be in solitude for a longer period
\- sensory sensitivity:
Hearing all the conversations in the room
\- great memory for details:
Remembering many birthdays, dates, events
Feel free to give my your view, where do you agree, where do you have a different view?
|
aspergers
|
I have gotten to the point where I feel like I have to get rid of every battery in my house. I’m constantly afraid they’re corroding, constantly checking them. Even thought my town says to dispose of them in regular trash, I’m afraid they’re toxic and will poison our water. I can’t walk past the battery aisle in stores without trying to get as far away from them. My dad has a box of batteries in his office and he’s so nonchalant about the leakage at the bottom of the box, while my heart races in fear as I have to change a battery that’s not even corroded. I tried to explain this to my therapist and she doesn’t understand. And when I tried to look up “fear of batteries” to see if others had this fear, I heard some stories that made it even worse.
|
OCD
|
I am having a very difficult time with the idea of having to transition to going back to university full time for Computer Science.. My classes are all at terrible times late in the evening when my meds wear off(I can't pick which time they are).
I am autistic and have always had a hard time making transitions. My Anxiety and OCD are starting to get REALLY bad. I am terrified of going back. I only have 2 core classes left until I graduate, but they are both VERY difficult and probably the hardest of everything I have taken (Compiliers and Structure of Higher Level Languages). I don't think I can do both in one semester because my anxiety tells me I can't.
I wish they would just go remote again for the rest of this year.
I just want to graduate, move to San Diego or somewhere warm and tropical and work remotely with a nice salary.
My friends all have amazing jobs. My anxiety has just held me up so much I have been in school for 7 years now. I am very jealous. However I feel like I will never graduate.
I feel like my OCD is getting worse and worse. I don't want to take medication as I HATE SSRI's so much. I'm literally getting eaten alive by anxiety and it feels like it will never end. I have another 26 days left of vacation and it feels like torture.
My anxiety and my OCD exist in a symbiotic relationship. When my anxiety flares up, my OCD also flares up. So things that don't normally bother me have been torturing me lately which makes things even worse.
I'm just drowning in anxiety.
|
OCD
|
I don't know what I am doing right now. I don't know why I am posting this on reddit but I felt like I have to vent out in some way.
I feel extremely sad and hate myself so much. I hate the way I look. Hate my own existence. I don't want to kill myself but at the same time I don't understand the point of me living.
I work hard but achieve nothing. I have no one that can understand me and take me as I am. I am so ugly and I always will be. I have always been the person who will always help people around me but when I need someone no one cares. They all think I am too emotional. How to explain to them that I'm just depressed? No one cares enough to sit down and listen to me. I had one friend who was there for me but recently even she let me down so bad. I wish there is someone who can look me in the eye and say everything will be okay and hug me tightly.
Will I ever be happy? I hate disliking myself each and every day. I wish to love myself and be grateful for my life but presently there's no way for me to actually like me for myself. It sucks.
I hope I can be happy. I hope I can atleast be there for myself even when no one else does. But how can I do that if even I don't like myself?
|
depression
|
Every day for at least an hour, I fantasize about dying. It’s always by suicide and it makes me long for death. Part of me wants to stop. I try to stop this when it happens and it makes me incredibly anxious and causes me to have panic attacks. I have attempted suicide, but was unsuccessful. That alone makes me feel like a failure and very angry. This has been going on for almost 20 years now…
|
depression
|
Yes I’m not okay mum. Even though I tell you I am. No I don’t want to be around the ‘family’ this Christmas. Yes I’m the depressed, negative guy. If I keep pretending I’m okay I’ll never change I’d rather feel like shit and go through the motions.
|
depression
|
My SO who is an aspie has a very limited diet, and by that I mean he only eats certain meals, no vegetables and no fruit at all. Sometimes he substitutes his lunch with things like chocolate buttons or crisps and I am getting worried about his health. He said he is willing to try new foods but is not sure how to start. Have any of you experienced a similar problem and if so, how do you/ did you tackle it? I would like him to start eating at least some veg but don't want to force him and make him dislike food even more.
|
aspergers
|
In trying to figure out exactly what sensory issues I may experience due to asd I noticed this. For example, I may be talking on the phone and someone who is in the room with me might say something to me. Since I'm trying to focus on what is being said over the phone, I can't really understand what the person in the room with me is saying, but because he's distracting me from the phone, I have trouble hearing what the person I'm calling is saying and I have no idea what anybody is saying to me anymore.
Is this a sensory issue or is this normal?
|
aspergers
|
Just some background info, my GF and I have been dating for almost 2 years now and I’ve known about her PTSD since before we started dating. Recently, I accidentally triggered her PTSD and when I tried to comfort her and talk to her she slapped my hand and refused to talk to me. So I had to helplessly watch her go through this entire episode. I want to be better and help her in any way I can, any advice is welcome. Thank you!
|
ptsd
|
Are the side effects permanent? Will the side effects go away if I stop taking it
|
OCD
|
That's it, my brother is also autistic and can't stay in a job fixedly.
What does the government benefit for my muscles that ache with little effort? I don't f*cking consider myself human, since when newspapers tells the reality? Are they dreaming?
I'm irritated with my name here at reddit, no, I'm not a neurotypical.
|
aspergers
|
I recently discovered that my inability to hold down a job, and frequent change in career paths is a result of my ADHD.
I have about 50K+ in student loans to pay off from taking multiple programs, and I am about 10K in credit card debt from compulsive spending. I also finance a car and have 30K left to pay off....
Is there any hope that I’ll ever get ahead?
I succeeded in nursing school,but the career itself became draining for a few reasons. I am trying to find a job that isn’t so emotionally taxing. I am considering serving, which I haven’t done before ...
Any success stories with career paths?
I feel hopeless.
|
ADHD
|
Hi all, first time posting here so please bear with me.
I'm 34 years old male. In 2018 I decided I needed to actually get myself a real primary care physician, one who sees me somewhat regularly and knows me. I hadn't had one since graduating college some 9 years ago at the time. In that time, I pretty much only saw a doctor at those primary care/urgent care places that accepted walk ins if I was sick.
After some 3 years with my new primary care doctor, each checkup or other visit, listening to some of the struggles I have with organization, procrastination, schedules, and general scatteredness (especially at work), she recommended I see a psychiatrist to evaluate and test me for ADHD.
I thought to myself, no way. I went to a challenging engineering school, graduated with a 3.6 GPA and for the longest time, seemingly excelled at my career. That is until my job shifted from being an individual contributer with short "fire drill" type tasks, to a more higher level, project manager with direct reports. In any case I gave the meeting a go.
The psychiatrist listened for 3 some hours and conducted a variety of tests. What she found was that while I was quite intelligent, there was a distinct and large gap between how I performed in some tests vs how I performed on other tests. Basically, given my IQ, my tests should be somewhat normally distributed across the board when compared to the general population data. Mine weren't. She diagnosed ADHD where for many years in college or early in my career, I was able to manage due to my intelligence, but now later into my career, some of those shortcomings were affecting my ability to perform where I'm capable.
My primary care physician first prescribed me 30mg Vyvanse in the spring of this year, 2021. After about a week of taking it, I completely reversed my skepticisms that I didn't need treatment. I was amazed at how much easier it was for me to organize my thoughts, plan, schedule, and basically just function as a normal person at home and work. After about two months, the effects of the 30mg dosage were effectively no longer working. My brain would work like normal people's do for about 2 hours but after that, I was back to my scattered self. Telling my doctor this my next visit, she bumped my prescription to 40mg.
At this 40mg, my current level, I think it's really the right dosage for me. The problem I have is, that today, about 4 months at this dose, the effects are starting to fade just as the prior dose, albeit not as bad. I take it in the morning but by around noon or 1 o'clock, I'm back to my scattered, off-task, disorganized brain.
What I'm wondering is should I just leave it be and accept that, at least I can treat my ADHD for 4 to 5 hours of the day, and then cope the rest of the day, or should I look at other treatment methods? I'm afraid that if I get a higher dose, the cycle will just continue where I need more of the same drug and I don't want that.
How do you recommend I deal with this? I'd love to get a full days worth of my brain functioning like a normal persons does, but I also don't want to just keep on upping my dosage after the effects fades. Any tips would be greatly appreciated!
FYI one thing I thought about was weekends. Right now I take my prescription on weekends because even around the house and with my friends I've realized what my ADHD caused. Many projects I'd never finish, bills I'd forget to pay, always late for dinner with my friends, unable to clean up without getting distracted 30 times, and so on. That said I'd much rather be late for dinners and have a slightly messy house than suffer at work. Would only taking it during the work week improve the effects when I take it?
Thanks!!
|
ADHD
|
From outside of school, people tell me that I pick up languages very fast. I also find that I have it easy when it comes to learning words, rules, and picking up the language in general. But my friends recently said that "I can't have it easy to pick up languages as my speaking is not that good". But that speaking part imo is because of the fact that I am used to talking fast and unclearly, besides, I get very nervous when I need to talk in another language. Anybody else?
|
aspergers
|
I have contamination OCD from cdiff and I've been at a really low point lately and the effing toilet almost overflowed this morning. I can't I CANT I CANT I CANT SO THIS ANYMORE I WANT TO BE PUT OUT OF MY MISERY MY LIFE IS PURE TORTURE AND SUFFERING!!!! UGHHHHHHH
|
OCD
|
Whenever I try to talk with my parents about one of my problems 1. They go completely blank and say something completely generic or 2. I try to talk with them but my brain sees it as a redundant task due to #1 happening so often and I just stop.
They seem to think that my ASD and Asbergers can be cured by holding me to the same standards as my siblings and belittling me when I can’t achieve as much as them
|
aspergers
|
OMFG!!! I was diagnosed with PTSD on Thursday last week, from my own abusive marriage. Got on cipatrolam and got my doctors note Friday, had to go on medical leave from my brand new job, which is the second job I have had screwed up in this marriage so I packed up my kid and we went to my sister's for the week, or it was supposed to be for the week; I lasted two days before I stomped outta there.
Their oldest son has a fear of large dogs, because my sister and her husband used to threaten the kid when he was young that if he didnt behave they would get my mom's dog to "get him". Important side note: now the whole family encourages their dog to "get the cat" every time she attempts to come into the living room. The dog tears after the terrified cat and they laugh and laugh...
So I took their two kids and their dog for a walk in the park. We encountered a large, very assertively friendly large black lab who frightened both their little dog and the 16 year old. The poor kid was hiding in the bushes :(
I get back to the house, tell Dad about the dog and their boy, which he then blames on MY MOTHER for not controlling her puppy (lol he made up a story about a completely different dog that she had at the time chasing the kid!!! Does he think I am stupid or just forgetful?) I called him out on their behaviour at that time and the idiot just blinks at me. Whatever, liar.
Mom gets home from work and hears about the dog incident. She then asks her son if he is a "pussy", and her and dad proceed to mock the kid all night, telling him to "grow a pair". Later on that evening she physically intimidated him multiple times, especially if he tried to speak to me, scooting across the couch to raise her fists to him and say, "You wanna go buddy, you wanna go?" She also backed him into a corner in the kitchen, fists up, "you wanna go?" She is a decorated martial arts competitor. I am a former instructor and we do NOT teach ANYONE to use their training to intimidate or bully anyone (lol bullies in my class got pushups. Many pushups until they cant raise their noodle arms up to anyone lol)
Yesterday morning I woke up at 6 am and started packing up. Dad stumbles downstairs and asks what's going on, i tell them gaslighting is insidious crap and call them pussies and ask how they like it. I tell my sister that i remember very well that is was her abusive teenage boyfriend that taught her to abuse cats and dont you dare lie to my face about it. I yell at them pretty loudly "that poor kid!!!" -which i am sure their kids heard from their beds, their neighbors must have heard too :( i leave and tell my son on the way home that it isnt good enough for him there and we do not "sic" our dogs on our cat ffs!
There was a puppy pad full of pee when we got there on Sunday and was still there Tuesday morning. The toilets were so filthy and smelled so bad that I cleaned the downstairs toilet for 40 minutes and it still is stained and disgusting. Their upstairs bathroom reels of urine :(
I am horrified but need a reality check because I have "the temper in the family" but it feels fucked to me, right? I have emailed my therapist this whole diatribe as well for advice. I will take those kids and that cat in a heartbeat. Every bone in my furious body tells me to make the calls and report.
So, please, a reality check: this is fucked up, right? Or am I sucking my own PTSD's dick? It feels to me like they are so mean to him and he suffers for it :(
**Edit: I made the report!!! Social workers are working from home so I emailed my concerns: her aggression and animal cruelty and dads dismissiveness. I noted that her aggression was in response to my connecting and showing concern for him. Thank you everyone who commented; cross your fingers for him :)**
|
ptsd
|
I tried to tell him the place I was sent to specializes in that type of diagnostic testing, he says “Well, they may have told you that, but they most likely weren’t.”
I live in a fairly northern rural area. He insisted I would have to to the metro (a 3.5hr drive) to find someone qualified to assess that. He then asserts multiple times that he’s worked with people on all ends of the spectrum and thinks I’m not on it.
How do I handle this? Patient advocate? I keep having issues with doctors, either telling me my fibromyalgia isn’t real which I again have a diagnoses for, or now gaslighting me to think I’m not ASD. I’m a disabled veteran and have a ton of health issues that I feel like are not being addressed, no doctor seems to take me seriously.
|
aspergers
|
(2000s) In kindergarten up until around 2nd grade we used to get a 1-3 star "grade" on how nice our handwriting was and mine was real bad at first hence only 1 star. Around 1st grade an adult friend helped me practice writing for a weekend or two, and I finally got the 3 star ratings I've always wanted, consistently at that, a true childhood highlight.
Unfortunately I was bullied for it, told that my writing still sucked, and along with my confidence, my handwriting/penmanship regressed hard. It's always stuck with me that my writing kinda peaked at age 6 because of that.
Now, about modern me.
I write in print form, and have never really gotten how to write in cursive form. My handwriting is *fine* when writing slow but at lecture speeds it does become messy fast. With that said, I do have an average typing speed of 450 CPM (characters per minute) and top speed of 570 CPM, though my former schools didn't allow laptops in class and the same goes for my prospective colleges I think.
My pen of choice since late highschool has been a 0.3mm Pilot Hi-tec, though I've always wanted to go with even smaller tips and diameters and am now excited to find a great pen for me and also practice writing again.
Any suggestions for practice strategies? Would it be a good idea to print practice sheets of a favorite font that I can trace like when I was 5?
Thanks in advance for your suggestions everyone!
|
aspergers
|
Hi all, this is my first time posting so I'm sorry if this is stupid or something. I have cPTSD that is typically fairly well controlled, but recently I've been experiencing increasing symptoms. I haven't necessarily been experiencing heavy intense flashbacks, but I have been having a lot of night terrors, insomnia, and extremely graphic dreams about my trauma. Tonight I woke up from one such dream and now I'm in my kitchen just trying to ground myself, calm down, and wait until I feel safe enough to take some sleeping medicine (which is what I normally do when this happens).
About a month ago my boyfriend of 1 year moved in with me. This man is *amazing*; he and I have talked extensively about my trauma and he is the most loving, supportive person I could have asked for. Tonight when I got out of bed and went to the kitchen he followed me and wanted to talk about what was going on/how I was feeling. I told him, and he said that he was going to wait up with me, and then started talking about something inconsequential and unrelated to try and put me at ease. Here's the thing: **I. HATE. THIS. Literally every fiber of my being wants to tell him to shut up and leave me alone.**
Obviously when I lived alone this was never a thing, but now I'm realizing that for some reason, when I'm experiencing symptoms I just want to push people as far away as I possibly can. **I told him politely that I really just needed to be alone right now, and he did leave, but I could tell it made him feel bad. All he wants to do is offer kindness and yet for some reason just the very presence of someone being near me, let alone talking to me about stupid shit, is like hearing nails on a chalkboard. It is so agitating and I have no idea why. Does anyone else experience this? Is this typical? Now I'm sitting here in my kitchen feeling hypersensitive AND ALSO feeling like the biggest asshole in the world for wanting to be away from my loving, caring, boyfriend. What the hell is going on here??**
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ptsd
|
Title says all. My hands started immediately feeling greasier (though it might be in my head) when the smell permeated through the apartment. I was sitting with my laptop (which I’m always worried about being contaminated) and also wearing my glasses (which I also worry about being contaminated all the time). I want this to all be in my head but I’m very nervous. I went into another room with my laptop and shoved a blanket under the door to prevent the odor/grease/smoke molecules from coming into the room. It’s been a few minutes and can’t tell if I’ve just gone nose-blind to the smell or if it’ll still be in the air when I walk back out.
My biggest concern is airborne grease being on my glasses/laptop. Before the kitchen got hot and the cooking started to smell significantly, I did walk behind the friend who was cooking a couple times. I’m very worried about contamination with my glasses and laptop. Do you guys think there’s any chance the airborne grease could have gotten all the way to my laptop in the living room? (It’s an open concept apartment, living room is a few meters from the kitchen area).
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OCD
|
With all the couples and families preparing for the holidays, it makes me resentful and envious of their happiness while I'm trapped in my apartment freaking out about getting to old to do anything worthwhile in life. I'm too disgusted with myself to go out to eat unless it's take out. I'm afraid that everyone is looking at the old fatman stuffing his face again. I'm embarrassed that none of my clothes fit well enough so that I look like a disheveled trash. I just don't want to be here anymore.
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depression
|
I need help and am looking for any answers that will fix me. I’ve had pretty severe anxiety and depression for the past 10 or so years. I’m 34 now. Suicide crosses my mind almost every day. Not to the point where I actually start to act on it but I fantasize about it and have searched for ways to do it painlessly. Honestly the only thing stopping me is my wife and 3 kids and don’t want to put them through the pin it would cause. I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be truly happy. I’ve tried lexapro and it doesn’t work. I’ve considered low doses of thc but my job doesn’t allow it plus it just makes my anxiety a thousand times worse. I do not want to take Benzodiazepines or other highly addictive drugs. I’ve been using kratom and it makes me feel good for about 45 minutes and then I feel like shit again except now tired, I want to stop taking it because it’s also addictive and has negative impacts on my cognition. I know psilocybin used to be used as a medicine centuries ago. I remember reading something or watching a documentary about it being introduced again to help with depression. I believe there are currently studies being done about it. People use several grams of it at a time to achieve a desired psychoactive effect, microdosing involves using 0.1 grams or less, just enough to trigger chemicals in the brain but not enough to get “high”. I’m wondering if anybody has experience with this or knows of any success stories.
Thanks
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depression
|
I (22M)just give up, I thought if I kept my head down and was myself, smiled more, got better looking physically via the gym, went to therapy, I could be the kinda guy people would wanna be friends w and some girl would give a chance to but nope. Trash will always stay trash.
I’m deciding to end it, only people who’ll miss me is my parents and only for a week cause I’m an only child. What should I do, should I go to a steakhouse, watch a new movie? I’ve already hit the gym and now brainstorming?
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depression
|
I was diagnosed a year and a half ago with adhd inattentive subtype and was started on adderall xr 20mg. This worked for a while but i lost a lot of weight from a lack of appetite and found myself frustrated and struggling with the idea that i needed a medicine to do simple tasks. So the past couple of months i haven’t been trying to use it as much.
A long-standing problem with me is i am CONSTANTLY tired. If i sleep in, i can take a nap 1-2 hours later. Work days where i get up at 5 am, 1-2 pm is where it hits me and i HAVE to nap by the time i get home at 4. I go to sleep around 10 every night. But no matter how much sleep i get, i never feel fully refreshed and ready for the day and i feel like this is a huge contributor to my add.
I’ve tried changing my diet (eating better), drinking a ton of water, working out, and nothing has really done anything. I feel the need to have lattes with espresso (or 2) in the morning plus tea or another coffee in the afternoon. I don’t want to be dependent on this much caffeine! I also got a thyroid work up and regular bloodwork (thinking maybe anemia) and everything’s fine.
Does anyone have any suggestions?
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ADHD
|
Ive ben taking 20mg of adderall for almost a yrs,
I feel like not my body is rejecting. I feel sick on it now. i dont feel focused.
has this happened to anymore. i really dont want to up it.
I also have anxiety and if i take more adderall it will affect my anxiety
has anyone ired anything natural?
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ADHD
|
Hi, i have suspicions that i may or may not have ADHD, my sources are really inconsistent (basically google and reddit) and i know depression plays a key role in adhd diagnoses but i am really not chronically depressed or anything like that, i have social anxiety and general anxiety (like my mind is racing and im always worried about something and just random thoughts that keep stressing me out), these random thoughts appear a few times a day but once in every few months the anxiety becomes constant and i really hate it, i lose the will to continue living when it appears and its weighing me down alot, i mentioned adhd to my mother which i asked to be evaluated for since i never could do good in school but similarly to people with adhd i was “the gifted child” in pre-school, she called me lazy and said i was looking for excuses and brushed it off, i googled seasonal anxiety and google says its a type of depression, how likely is it that i have adhd and are other people here suffering with the same type of anxiety? i really dont wanna seem ableist and claim adhd when i dont have a doctors note but since that is not available to me for a year or two atleast i will be resorting to this and simply compiling something from other peoples experiences.
|
ADHD
|
Has anyone worked with a watch type stimulator that vibrates or beeps on time intervals to keep us on task? You could set it at you pace/need to bring you back to what you wanted to do. It could be verbally interfaced so you could voice the task the set timer to remind you at certain intervals and the number of intervals.
​
Pardon me I am new to this world. I have been reading my son's Facebook and realized I had not clue to his inner world and pain. Makes me a bad dad? Well time to jump on this horse and I refused to be bucked off. To old to hit the ground nowadays.
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ADHD
|
Whenever I do a compulsion like googling “sexy man” there’s one half of me that’s scared that I might like the pictures and the other half of me actually wants to like them but can’t, it’s so confusing.
|
OCD
|
Anybody with ocd burping non stop all day chronically? When i dont think about it it does go away for a while.. and it does come back. One thing i realise though.. is that whenever i get the air coming up feeling ill induce the burping action again and again non stop.
.
|
OCD
|
Hey y’all ! So I have no idea why, but it feels like my mind has a mind of its own, like my body is just a tool serving my mind, which is me, as if it’s only from neck up what matters.
I’m saying this because I find myself thinking things about certain situations in a pertinent manner, in which I can delve deeper, whereas if I were to verbalize my thoughts, I mostly blabber and stutter and cannot find the words for it, as if I get a brain freeze.It’s so weird and frustrating to be the prisoner of your mind, just like in a dream where you try to scream, but nothing comes out.
Also, I’ve encountered numerous scenarios, I think I don’t even keep track of it anymore, where I was typing something, for instance, but my mind told me not to use a certain term, so I would be forced to rephrase.
Another problem consists of waiting for the right time, like, this sub has been existing for quite a while and when I came across it, sure, I subscribed in order to read posts about people in the same boat, yet if I wanted to seek guidance, pieces of advice or simply rant, my mind just ignores that urge and makes it seem like it’s not the right time, so I should do that later and oftenmost it becomes never, even if, you see, I can have access to this sub or a ton of other resources in a blink of an eye, I don’t even try anymore at this point, as if I am content with this, as if I accepted my fate, but there are moments like these when you’ve had too much and you need to let out some of that steam off.
I think I made no real point with this post, I don’t know, I am tired, my sleeping schedule sucks and I might as well be psychotic.
|
OCD
|
I remember all them hoarding shows from when I was a kid when peoples houses were just full of random stuff, is it likely that these people suffered from ocd ? Just curious
|
OCD
|
Hi, first time posting here, so I hope I am following the rules. 23 years ago I was kidnapped by my father during a custody fight. I thought he was going to kill me, since he had tried to before. I lived in fear of him for most of my life since then. I still look over my shoulder wondering if he might be driving the car that seems to be following me. Despite my best efforts to hide my presence he was able to find me using social media and reached out since he is dying. I feel relieved that I no longer have to live in fear, but I feel guilty that I feel relieved.
|
ptsd
|
I have been thinking about arty things and started drawing in a simple manner. It is bringing me an opportunity for mindfulness, to create something and to feel just a little bit proud. I am at the stage of my recovery in the middle of a long covid lockdown where fantasy is more appealing than reality so I have been letting myself think about beautiful flowers and what visually brings me joy. I am going to try to pay more intention to what my body and soul are wanting.
Anyone else find this?
|
ptsd
|
Not reffering to people in general, no I mean myself. I've been attached to repetitive phrases too many times to count, but this one takes the fucking cake. My mind is hooked on starting things with W. It started as a joke but now it's been repeating itself like an echo. Kinda like how the meow mix phrase happened. One day I think about meow mix and the next, it haunts me.
Example:
I saw a casual sentence or think something. "I need to take a shower".
But then it's like, my mind is obsessed with the whole W thing. "Wi weed wo wake wa wower".
I know it sounds crazy and ridiculous but this is the shit I have to put up with.
|
OCD
|
I love the guy, he's amazing, but he sometimes makes dumbass decisions without knowing what its like for me. So, I want to help him. If anyone knows some good resources for friends or significant others helping with PTSD (or at least living with its existence) please leave them in the comments.
Hopefully this can become a thread for friends or significant others of PTSD victims that want to help their friend or s/o
|
ptsd
|
It recently dawned upon me that some of my mental problems can be attributed to my parents' relentless helicopter parenting. My mother is possessive and controlling and even tries to tell me who I can and can't date (not that I ever have the options anymore). My brother tried to step in at one point when I was a teenager and tell my parents to "back off and let him grow up and make his own decisions". It didn't work. My parents are stubborn bull headed people who lack people skills (much like myself). They are reclusive and don't have friends and have always been way too overprotective of me. I thought maybe they were this way out of love but I think it's because they are just insecure people. It's because of this that I have no desire to have children. I do not want to bring up children and put them through the same controlling parenting tactics that I had to endure as a child (and still to this day as a 28 year old man).
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depression
|
I'll be frank here. I come from a lower middle class family with poor financial situation and work minimum wage. I tried looking for an OCD specialist in my city but to no avail. The therapist I talked to wasn't of much help either. I looked at betterhelp and other online options but they're too expensive.
I've finally decided that I want to be my own therapist and work on exposure therapy on my own. Is that possible? I have bought some books on it including a workbook and I want to give it a shot. I have an excessive checking problem especially before bed which keeps pushing my sleep schedule further and further. I also have debilitating thoughts every time i leave home and want to go back to recheck. I'm tired of it all.
I'd like to know your thoughts. Is it possible to do this on my own? Have you tried doing it as well? What has been your progress with ERP? Thanks in advance.
|
OCD
|
Does ADHD generally get worse with stress? I'm still just starting out on my medication treatment, and was overall quite happy with the results. But the past two days have caused me to slip back into my old habits of paying attention to too many things, not focusing on a specific task, surfing the Internet at my job, and feeling shame at all of these actions.
It occurred to me that yesterday and today have introduced some old stressors that I hadn't had to deal with since starting my medication: Meetings at work, money concerns, following a recipe, and writing an important document with unclear objectives and a potentially large professional impact.
I had two meetings yesterday, neither of which I really had much to contribute, and I found myself nodding off, or doing something else entirely. We consistently have hour long meetings, and I find them to be extremely difficult to sit through. I've tried taking notes, and that helps sometimes, but even then when names of people I'm not familiar with begin to be rattled off I can't keep up. This began to stress me out in ways that I can't really express.
Ever since then those other stressors have become more and more pronounced. And I've become frustrated with what seems like a regression. Does anyone else experience something similar, any advice?
|
ADHD
|
I had an appointment with my psychiatrist and she sent over my prescriptions to the pharmacy (I have a few) but for whatever reason she neglected to send over my Adderall prescription. I can see she put it down in my chart as ordered but when I reached out to support they can see it was never ordered.
When I tried getting it at the pharmacy they said they never received it and I feel like I was being judged for asking about my medicine.
She's not responding to support and I've now been out of my meds for the whole week (I was out earlier since she rescheduled appointments so this is now week 3 without my meds)
I am suffering in my job, I had an important project due this week and I don't know if it's even possible without the help I need.
It's really hard for me to feel like this wasn't malicious. How could all my meds get filled except this very important one we discussed?
I know it could easily be a mistake but Im being ghosted right now essentially and I'm totally fucked without my medicine
If anyone has any tips for overcoming executive dysfunction to initiate tasks lmk 🙃
|
ADHD
|
As someone with ADHD, I've recognised that the only way I have ever gotten work done is last minute - when the panic monster has kicked in with the fear of someone being disappointed in me / being unprofessional / being a failure.
Without the fear, I languish - even if I know and want to be finishing things sooner so I have more guilt free time to do what I want.
This has carried into me as a freelancer. I end up doing projects last minute instead of the schedule I set for myself. And especially right now, I'm supposed to be finishing a treatment note for a director who seems to have taken a liking for me - which has translated shittily in my head to "I can afford to procrastinate and take longer with this project". Which isn't right.
I can't seem to get stuff done by neurotypical standards without the fear, and the anxiety associated with getting work done in the past has also made my relationship with work toxic. Almost like if I'm not feeling anxious, I'm probably falling behind and not being productive 😂
Anyone else relate? Anyone else with advice for working without the fear - or how to increase productivity / efficiency when it isn't a factor?
|
ADHD
|
It may be because to quote them "ask too many questions". Even my teachers don't like this. Maybe because when someone says something and if it reminds me of something I will probably say of that it reminds me. If I get down votes for the next thing I say I'm ok with it. One day our teacher was organizing a charity and she said that it's for kids who can't take care for themselves and I said and what do they have that makes them not being able to do that. Some of my classmates said "is he dumb" I replied: I don't think so and I know that they cnat take care of themselves and I'm asking what they have. Then an another one sais that I'm dumb too. Yesterday I said something in our group chat which was that:if someone isn't good at rocket league. that he/she shouldn't worry since Elon musk uses neuralink on monkeys to play it and no I'm not sure if it's to play rocket league nor do I play it but I just saw a video. Someone of them replied: is he autistic. and the other guy was just like yes. Since I don't do very well with understanding that someone's joking or using sarcasm the thing afterwards makes sense to be that way. They said: you should go to an autistic school and since I as I said above don't do very well with this I googled if one existed. And yes it does which is interesting.
|
aspergers
|
So whenever I get anxiety I often check my blood pressure and it’s not over 120/80 I freak out. I will keep checking my bp untill I get a reading close to that number. For example my first reading today was 120/69 and I freaked out and kept checking my blood pressure untill the machine spat out a number close to 120/80. I don’t like my diastolic blood pressure being in the low 70s or mid 60s Ik it’s still in the normal range but to me these numbers speak to me as a medical emergency. Ik this is health anxiety right. Last year I had an obsession with wanting my blood sugar over 100 even tho it was often in the 70s
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OCD
|
Last night, my boyfriend and I broke up. We’d been together for almost a year which is really good for me because I’ve had a string of failed relationships, flings, and hookups. A lot of them with people who devalued me which kept my self-esteem really low. I guess I picked what I thought I deserved.
This time I feel so defeated. I’m 32 and want children so badly, but I struggle to develop a sense of trust with people. The reason we ended things is because I had constant anxiety and could not feel comfortable. I couldn’t read or understand his expressions and body language. I don’t know if it was because of his personality or my PTSD. Whenever I bring up my thoughts or feelings it’s followed with shame, even though he verbally told me it was okay.
Now that I’m getting older and continuing to have these challenges, I’m losing hope that I’ll have a family.
|
ptsd
|
I once was at a therapist. She called herself a systemic psychologist but her concept was only that I needed to affirm myself regularly and to love myself. Then she said I would feel pride and be immune against fear and whatsoever. I was supposed to stand in front of a mirror and recognize things I find beautiful about my appearance and my personality.
That was just forcing myself to believe something. That’s not real. I think you only get true affirmation from experience.
I recognize very well when I just try to believe Something. I think people with ocd have a way more sensitive prediction error detection then the average person. If I am telling myself for example I am not afraid of something I generate a big prediction and then of course I am evaluating every little hint or feeling that might point otherwise. And then the error signal hits.
|
OCD
|
I know there are plenty of binge-eaters here, but I'm also including anorexia, one I haven't seen many others with. I've even heard that lots of people here actually eat as a way of stimming.
I actually have perfectly healthy weight, but my parents probably won't try to convince my doctor to get stimulant meds if I begged on my knees, so I don't have the energy to exercise. Plus, even if I did, my parents would either get me into 5 sports or have an hour long talk that is basically "yay u care about your health." I very rarely eat fruit, but otherwise make sure I have a balanced diet. 14F, would estimate I take in about 1200 calories a day, sometimes 1000 on weekends. If I go 5 pounds over healthy weight, I skip lunch for a week (but I will drink milk because its cold) and head down to 700 calorie town.
Anyway.. Not much else I can put here- just hitting 300 characters, dont mind me
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ADHD
|
So I have a job where I unfortunately work with the public. My boss pulled me aside and told me that my body odor has been noticeable to everyone. Honestly I feel embarrassed that it has gotten to a level that it effected my job (and angry that even though I bust my ass. Something like how I carry myself is what's immediately noticed) but more so I feel exhausted. Yes! Sometimes getting under hot water is exhausting. Knowing that it won't wipe away the grime on the inside that is my life. I honestly don't know why I don't take better care of myself. I guess I have bigger things on my mind. I'm an afterthought in my own life. Even today a friend of mine told me I made Eeyore look like a poster child for positive thinking. Yeah I complain and self loath but fuck man if you were me you would to. And you'd be angry cause you don't know why you're like this. I'd ask how do I stop feeling like Im a worthless like of shit but it seems I have to accept this is who I am inside. Bitter and not pleasent to be around.
|
depression
|
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