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Hey guys, I'm having a really difficult time, I am currently undiagnosed but having done a ton of research into ADHD and journaling about my feelings, emotions (or lack of) and then cross referencing them in relation to ADHD threads and articles I have kind of self diagnosed?? I am currently waiting to get into a psychiatrist now in January but have been trying for three years and I just keep putting it off or not booking the appointment because they were always six months in the future and it seemed like I would never get in.. so I procrastinated... So hopefully it can shed some light for me but I am wondering if this community can offer some insight.
I am 32 years old
Constantly changing jobs ( longest running job is in the oilfield, work that I hate but it pays for me to take long periods of time off and be free ) though what I want isn't necessarily freedom but freedom to express myself moreso and a career that is rewarding I just can't get over the initial hump of having to start at the bottom, both financially and I really can't decide what would be appealing.. like at all..
I have an 8 year old son that I love to the moon and back, I only get him every second weekend but I find it so so hard when I have him. I try to plan activities and to do fun things with him but any minor setback in my plans and it feels like a mountain to climb some days to make meals and plan events and then with minor setbacks I get discouraged and overwhelmed and think I'm doing a terrible job parenting.. and now for whatever reason he is wanting to come with me less ( I think he can sense my anxiety) also probably I am not as present with him at times as I should be.
It feels like my life, my career, my son, relationships are all greatly affected by this and I'm feeling a bit hopeless. Do you guys think that a diagnoses and medication will help me to turn my life around? I have read so many stories saying that people cried when they took their first meds. Really I am praying that this appointment goes well. Am I going the right route in seeing a psychiatrist? It seems the mental health care in my area is very hard to navigate and aside from spending upwards of 3000 on a proper diagnoses from a psychologist I don't know if I am on the right path or not but I just want some peace and direction in my life.
Any help or advice is appreciated really I feel like I am failing at life and so alone sometimes.. like no one understands me | ADHD |
I just need to vent. I’m having such a difficult time. I am so insecure, I don’t like myself, I hate my anxiety and my depression, I hate my body, I hate my job… I have been on and off antidepressants for most of my young adult/adult life (I’m almost 31) and I just recently stopped taking Pristiq because I thought I’d be in a good place to try and manage without them. I had a live in boyfriend who I was relying on for support and patience while I came off the meds, knowing it might be difficult. Well we broke up because he doesn’t understand the concept of supporting people. I asked this man if I was having his child if he’d leave work to be there for me and he said he probably wouldn’t. It’s tough because in general the relationship was good. But damn the fear that I wouldn’t have someone to rely on in an emergency like that… I didn’t know if that’s a risk I could take. Our first real argument and he packed up and moved out. Another sign of unreliability I suppose. And damn it has hurt me so much. It’s been about a month since the breakup and I am far from over it. That was the first relationship I was in where I actually had hope for the future. Hope of marriage, kids, someone to grow old with… and it was ripped away from me without warning. I know a breakup is a trivial thing to some but it was so much more than that.
On top of that, work has been so very stressful and I can’t stand my job anymore. Nobody cares about me or values or appreciates me. It’s just contributing to my negative mental health, but at the same time I’m in such a bad place mentally that starting a new job sounds terrifying and I’m afraid I’ll fail.
This last month has been miserable. I have never thought so regularly about how I don’t want to live anymore. I have no hope for the future, I feel like I will end up alone and I never saw myself at this age having to consider freezing my eggs or being on my own forever…
I lost my sister almost 3 years ago. I have no other siblings. The main thing keeping me here is that I would be the biggest piece of shit to take away my parents’ only other child. It would cause them so much pain that they don’t deserve. But it’s not fair because it means I have to suffer in pain. I have to live this life that I find miserable. I am SO unhappy. I just started with a new therapist but that’s always a difficult thing. Reliving traumas all over again.
I’ve never wished I didn’t exist more. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about hurting the very few people who actually do love me. I just don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t enjoy life, I have one, maybe 2 friends. Everyone is in their own world with their families and happy relationships and here I am all alone. I don’t think I have it in me to harm myself, but damn I just don’t want to live. | depression |
Really struggling at work. Temporary manager is a non-stop talker, will interrupt me or begin a conversation and go on and on, very one sided, for literally over an hour if nothing stops them. Extremely lacking in self awareness. Also, topics of discussion are unprofessional in terms of insulting colleagues with snide remarks and making constant judgements. I have to manage my engagement with people at the best of times, but this is to be honest triggering me. It’s like this emotional and verbal tidal wave of unpleasantness. I have resorted to almost shutting down completely, barely responding. I suspect she thinks I’m a bit slow now? But it’s going to be really tough to endure three more weeks. Any advice or ideas for coping mechanisms welcome! | aspergers |
I just hate that I can’t enjoy anything any more… Like, I can have fun, but I’m not really enjoying it. I can eat delicious food, but it doesn’t make me happier. It is all just bland.
It is especially taxing that my SO doesn’t get this. Whenever I’m in a slump she’s always asking why I’m not happy, what’s wrong and all that. If I knew, I’d fucking fix it 🤦♂️ It has slowly gotten to the point where I just don’t show how I’m truly feeling. I’m not even able to show my emotions whilst in my own home due to this 😥 | depression |
It's rare that OCD gets portrayed in media and even rarer when it is good/accurate representation. I loved "Monk" when I was a child and want to rewatch all of the seasons now. However, I didn't have OCD back then and don't remember if they got a man who suffers from it right. So what do you think? | OCD |
Was talking about it in some other post about childhood obsessions and realizing how silly some of them were. | OCD |
I'm feeling super awful and I don't even know how to describe it. that's gotta be one of the worst parts of depression, how it's hard to put into words so it feels like no one understands. but anyways yeah back in a severe depressive episode after having to stop abilify, the one med that's actually done anything for me, because it caused me so much weight gain. which is great for that self esteem 😞 I hate feeling like this so much. like literally the last time I felt this bad I ended up in the hospital and I kinda wouldn't mind going back except that I don't want to let people down or have to deal with all the negative parts of being hospitalized. sorry for the ramble, thanks for listening. | depression |
I use to do art but I stopped because of my depression. I am trying to get back into it but my Ocd has gotten really really bad. I can't look at reference photos without breaking into histerics. I can't control my thoughts. I use to have therapy but my parents made me stop and now I feel so fricken lost. I have panic attacks cause I didn't draw a line correctly and I have to start all over. My obsessive thoughts are all getting worse and I guess what I am trying to ask is is what's stated above. What will it take? Thank you for reading. | OCD |
Hello i am a student. I cant write down stuff in class and if i do i feel anxious and i cant focus and i keep forget things i always know. Please help this is making me very upset. I have tried erp but it doesnt help | OCD |
I didn't cry when it happened, or for two and a half years after. Now I can't stop. I feel so empty and alone. | ptsd |
Hi. I’ve been depressed on and off for 2 years now. And time and again, I’ve planned my own death. But I’ve never been able to go through with it. I have a family who loves me, and understands me, and the most wonderful, most loving boyfriend one can imagine. They’re more than I deserve. I can’t risk hurting them, or worse, putting them in depression. I don’t want to traumatise anyone. I once attempted to hurt myself, and when I told my boyfriend, his reaction had me fearing that he had lost his mind. I’m afraid something of that sort might actually happen if I kill myself, for he’s not close to anyone except me. And that thought keeps holding me back.
But in spite of this, I keep wanting to die. I keep planning suicide. And every morning, I wake up regretting not having killed myself the previous night. Until an hour ago, I was sure of killing myself tonight. But here I am, just ranting on Reddit, not even sure if anyone’s going to read it, knowing that I’ll wake up with regret tomorrow morning. Yet, I am physically unable to get myself to do it. | depression |
I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and Binge Eating disorder at the age of 44. For reference, im a bigger gal at 145lbs and 5’4”. I see a nurse practitioner over video appointments. She started me on 10mg of Vyvanse 2 months ago. I noticed some relief but quickly realized it wasn’t helping that much. She changed my script to 20mg. I did notice increased concentration but after a few weeks, my thoughts started racing again. My motivation to do basic tasks waned, and my desire to binge eat returned.
On our follow up call yesterday, I attempted to explain that I wasn’t sure it was enough. I said I did feel relief but I just didn’t know. I was expecting her to say either we need to increase the dose again or try something else. However, she seemed frustrated in what I was telling her.
Me: I mean, I did see relief. But I’m struggling to focus and my mind is going a mile a minute at work…
NP: You’re talking in circles girl. I’m not gonna just give you more medicine. You’ve become tolerant to it too quickly. How’s your anxiety?
Me: Well, it’s not good.
NP: You need to exercise.
Me: (starting to cry)
NP: Why the tears?
Me: I just don’t know what’s wrong with me.
NP cell phone rings, she answers: Hi, let me call you back in 5 minutes.
Me, continues to cry in silence
NP: I think you need therapy. I’m going to refill Vyvanse to 30mg, but you really need to journal your feelings, exercise, and call therapist.
After this exchange, I felt terrible about myself. In my google research I found on the Vyvanse website it says most people start at 30 mg! I was just wondering if anyone has experienced pushback from a medical provider. I feel like she thought I was just a drug chaser. Thank you for any insights! | ADHD |
I looked it up and everything seems to say to take it at night because it may cause drowsiness. But my psychiatrist yesterday recommends me to take it in the morning | OCD |
Confused
Hi,
I’m a NT girl dating a guy with high functioning autism (both mid 20’s). We’ve had some difficulties, and after a period of no contact he reached out again to meet. What confuses me a lot is that he rarely initiates any contact. During the week I almost never hear from him, but during the weekends he will send me some photos to share his activities. After reading a lot about aspergers I have some understanding that this might be a trait(?): Difficulty with Initiating contact. With all the NT guys I’ve ever dated, this was the most apparent sign that the interest was lost, and usually time to take the hint. Can someone offer some insight? I don’t really want to confront him about it before I tried educating myself. (I do want to emphasize that I absolutely realize that every person with aspergers are different, just interested in hearing how you guys deal with initiating contact). Kind regards, and sorry for potential typo’s. English is not my first language. | aspergers |
i wish i was someone who would try harder after failing at something but every time i don’t excel at something, i end up giving up. it’s pretty pathetic ngl | depression |
I was talking with my special ed person the other day about my friendship struggles and, when he understood I was talking about online friendships, he explained to me what they are from an NT perspective. And it makes a lot of sense and explains a lot and kind of takes off a lot of guilt I had been carrying with me. So yeah, what I learned is that NTs see online friendships as very low commitment, low effort relationships that they can just replace when they get bored. They don't see a point to putting in as much effort as they do in their "real" friendships and won't have second thoughts about moving on and finding new online friends.
And that kind of broke my heart cause most of the friendships I've had these past few years have been online and I would always wonder why it always felt so one-sided. It was very hard for me to wrap my head around this cause, to me, even if you're not face to face a friend is a friend. They have feelings, dreams, fears, etc. I couldn't ghost an online friend because I see them as real friends. And that I have to make that distinction is pretty sad in itself.
It was a sad day when I understood that, for neurotypicals, not all friendships are created equals. And some friendships aren't even real friendships, just acquaintances that get called friends because that's more socially acceptable. And so stupid old me goes ahead and consider people friends, when really they don't care that much.
Anyway, vent over. Time to accept my destiny as a forever alone crazy cat lady. | aspergers |
[Here's last week's thread](https://old.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/qho1sq/hows_your_week_going_so_far_weekly_post_193/)
Suggestions are ALWAYS welcome on how to improve the threads I post at any time. After all, I do this because the community wants these threads to exist, and I take the time out of my day (every Thursday and Saturday) to post the weekly threads, to ensure the community gets what it feels it needs.
**So, continuing with the theme... /r/aspergers, How is your week going so far?** :) | aspergers |
My doctor has told me that I have adhd but i’m skeptical. For a while I’ve thought that I had adhd but now that i’m diagnosed with it i don’t even know if i have it, i dont know if that’s dumb it just doesn’t make sense. If i’m going to be honest I’m not entirely sure what adhd consists of and how it varies from person to person. I often get episodes where I’m super hyper but its never consistent. I just want to know whether or not getting these episodes are normal and if I’m alone with overthinking the diagnosis. | ADHD |
[characteristics of Post-traumatic Stress Disorder ](https://youtu.be/hU7ZBRLvg2E)
I plan on sharing this video with my parents and brother so they are better able to understand. I experience almost every symptom listed in the video on a daily basis.
I started therapy 9 months ago and was diagnosed 2 weeks ago (PTSD from child sexual abuse). We are now diving into trauma therapy and things are very tough right now. Reliving the experience is horrible but I am determined to get better.
I hope this video is helpful! | ptsd |
I keep thinking maybe I'm doing better and recovering but chances are I'm likely getting better at repressing my emotions
I want to meet new people but it's so hard finding anyone with the same interests and to click easily with
I keep looking for signs that potentially aren't there for someone I'm interested in and I feel like I should give up
former friends keep popping up in my dreams for whatever reason even if its been years since we talked
for whatever reason I keep visiting pages of people who's content I know will upset me and talks frequently about how people like me are predators and detrimental to society
im well over 20 but i feel like a fucking manchild who hasn't grown up. I hate it.
and I keep. thinking. about past people I've hurt. and it sucks because I'd do anything to apologize, but it's far too late. and they're not obligated to forgive me either. | depression |
Just got prescribed 30mg of remeron today, any advice? Side effects? Did it help you? Anything I should know etc. Give me the whole run down lol | depression |
This is definitely not the correct subreddit to be posting this on, but I tried posting it to 5+ others and it was flagged as inappropriate for that sub, and I was recommended to post it here, so I’m hoping someone can help me regardless.
When I was young, as young as I can remember I had a really difficult time distinguishing between the fantasy world I’d made up, and the real world. I’d force my cousins to play these elaborate games with me where we were different people in a different world. I’d started writing full books explaining this fantasy world at the age of 7 and by the age of 12 I’d had at least 10 full length books about it.
When I’d make my cousins “enter” this world as I’d call it, I’d beg them to keep playing for hours and when it came time to go inside and eat dinner, they simply couldn’t drag me back to reality. And I don’t mean I didn’t want to “stop playing a game” I mean I would be kicking and screaming and having a full blown meltdown if they called it a game and told me to stop. It was 100% real to me. I assigned each of my cousins and my brother a role in the world in which they were a character and I began to believe that these characters were real and that my cousins actually were them.
This was my entire childhood, and I know it wasn’t just childhood imagination, because it got so bad that I wasn’t allowed at my cousins house anymore, or at family gatherings. Sometimes it was other fake worlds other than the main one, like I’d hyperfocus on a show or movie and ask my cousins to pretend we were the characters, but once again by the time it was time to stop playing, I was fully convinced I was that character and that everyone around me was characters from the movie as well, and I’d have a meltdown if anyone tried to tell me otherwise. At one point I owned these crystals that played a big part in the world I’d made up, and my heavily religious grandmother made me smash them to pieces. I kicked and screamed and hit her and yelled that “the king” was going to kill me if they were destroyed. I thought that those crystals were the only thing allowing my real family to track me. I was around 11 at the time.
I’m turning 19 next month and although I know now that THAT fantasy world is fake, it seems I just get lost in a different one now, but it’s no less severe. When I brought this up to one of my cousins a few months ago, she said it must have been a coping mechanism. I was severely abused since I was extremely young so it would make sense, but that doesn’t really help me understand anything. My cousin and brother told me that while playing these games I would claim to be people other than myself and would claim to not know who [my name] was. I have no memory of this, but my brother says I still do this which really terrifies me because no matter how hard I try, I can’t remember it. And admittedly it’s hard to believe he isn’t lying, though he has no reason to lie to me and has only ever wanted to help me. My memory is extremely poor anyways, but this is extremely distressing nonetheless.
I’m in an okay mindset at this moment which is why I decided to post this. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. | depression |
I want to die even I know that I can not do it and I would not do it. It is very hard to get out of this feeling, anxiety just takes me and rolls on the floor like a toy. I dont know how long I can stand more. I would fight my life till I collapse. I will fuck this fucking feeling up so it fucking just gets killed up and rotted in the hell, I fucking hate this feeling | depression |
Does anyone else accidentally rub the carpet with their foot or with a shoe or sock and just need to "fix it" by stepping on the spot a certian number of times? | OCD |
Have some of you experienced improvement since you were diagnosed? And if so, how long did it take? I feel like I need to climb the highest mountain I’ve ever seen and I’d love to read some positivity (I know you’re never perfectly cured but still) | OCD |
i wish someone would pay attention to my efforts :/ | depression |
I am a 16 year old female and I developed what I think is pocd about a month ago. It started off by having intrusive thoughts about my cousin who is the same age as me, and this really scared me but later on I saw a Tik tok and there was a kid and there was a comment that said “that girl is really pretty” and I agreed but there was a reply that said “you’re a p*dophile” and then I started worrying that I could be one since I agreed with the statement and since I was already dealing with intrusive thoughts I was scared I was gonna start getting intrusive thoughts about children too and that fear made me get intrusive thoughts. Obviously this spiraled into POCD. I was constantly obsessing over whether I could be a P and I was getting intrusive thoughts. I would seek reassurance a lot and it would be reassured that I was not a P but this wouldn’t last that long. Basically I had all the criteria for OCD. But after 2 weeks of this, it started to actually feel real. I did research as a compulsion and found so many articles about P’s that are distressed and suicidal about being P’s and a story of a normal 16 year old who was a P. I also found some common traits of P’s that I relate to, like low self esteem, short height, no confidence, etc. So basicallu that’s proof and Now ever since it doesn’t feel like I have OCD anymore and it feels like I’m actually a P. So hopeless because I feel like ERP won’t work because nothing triggers me anymore and instead of feeling anxious I just feel deeply depressed and kinda su!c!dal. I’m worried that it was just denial this whole time and now I am just realizing it, either that or OCD has just become way too convincing, or it has manifested into reality. For context, I have never felt sexually attracted to children before and I’ve had attraction to people older than me or my age so why does it feel like I’m attracted to children now? Also I have no desire to do anything with a child or be with one or anything of that sort, and I would NEVER do anything to harm a child 100% would never do that. But whenever I get an intrusive thought I get a groinal response and whenever I see or hear a child I get a groinal response. I feel like reassurance doesn’t even work anymore because I feel convinced that I’m a P. So basically is it possible for P’s to start off having Pocd, or do they just realize one day that they’re attracted to kids and don’t doubt it? | OCD |
Edit: adding TW (pain, isolation, possible abuse)
Hello. I (25yr old female), am still figuring out if I actually have PTSD, and I wanted some input.
1. From 2013-2015 I was in a music program. During this time I was slapped across the face at school, was isolated from friends and family, emotionally manipulated from a former fling, dealt with sexism and harassment. Yup, all that in two years. Memories became so bad that I left my career due to anxiety and flashbacks. I was told to look into PTSD, but no one formally said I had PTSD, but was dealing with trauma. In your (the reader) opinion, is it trauma or PTSD?
2. My IUD insertion was so painful that we took it out within an hour. Over the last three weeks I disconnected, avoided intimacy with my husband, and dealt with pain and discomfort daily. It does not help that my regular doctor didn't seem to be empathetic towards my feelings. Words like endometriosis and pelvic inflammation disease popped up, making me more scared. Same question, is this showing signs of PTSD?
I'm so lost on what I'm dealing with. I would greatly appreciate insight and opinions. Thanks in advance. | ptsd |
I’m not an expert on anything but if anyone just needs to have a massive rant and let it all out in the comments or wants to talk, feel free. | OCD |
Heyo,
I got diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago and have been taking Concerta since. I'm seeing a lot of benefits at 54mg and it's changed my life. I can finally focus on things and pay attention and have a set routine. My concern is that on days I take my medication, I stay up really late and have trouble sleeping (sometimes until the next day). I try taking it as early as possible and sometimes, I'll still stay up late. Is there anything else I can do to help develop a better, more consistent sleep schedule without stopping the medication? I've already let my doc know and we both agree the benefits outweigh the downsides. Would regular exercise help tire me out? | ADHD |
I feel like it’s been happening for a while now, where I’ve just wanted to give up. It started on small things, like hobbies that failed to keep me interested. When i broke up with my X because i saw no future. When work got too much, I changed career paths and still fell into the same hole. And now the last things keeping me going feel like they’re fading away. The thoughts of self harm have only gotten stronger. My life, in my eyes, is worthless. The solutions uncovered in therapy haven’t worked to curb anything. Medication feels like it only makes things worse. It sometimes feels like it’s time to give up, and I’m sick of feeling this way but there is zero part of me that has the energy or will to dig myself out of this. There’s no one to fight for. There’s no one to fight for me. I’m just ready for this to be over, i don’t know what to do anymore, and I’m scared of what options I have left for myself in my head. | depression |
My friend and I are the only 2 with ADHD (I'm mostly self-diagnosed but very much aware of the symptoms). And out of all our friends, we're the only two to really enjoy songs from the hyperpop genre and such..
I remember I read somewhere that there might be a link, and I'm really intrigued to know more about it. Is there a reason my brain feels very fuzzy and stimulated when I put Charli XCX on repeat? | ADHD |
do you guys think the definition of sexual assault being watered down has affected people with real event and false memory ocd into thinking their rapists or abusers and its also made things scary because people are thinking that rape is a hell of a lot more common that what it actually is. the definition has been so watered down that people think stupid teenagers asking twice or three times is considered as rape when its just a genuinely shitty thing to do. im just genuinely stressed after being told im an r\* when what happened was so far from that, like it was a bad situation but i didnt use any physicl force or threats or coercion i just asked twice and they did it twice and we stopped because i could see they were uncomfy and im just so fucking stressed, i dont want to be a monster but if i am i wanna kill myself, i fucking know i didnt use physical force i lightly pushed on the back of the persons head and they didnt move so i stopped when it clicked oh they arent into that and i just please i would like someone to tell my what they think because my friends have said im not a rapist but it keeps going over and over in my head because im so fucking terrified. i know nothing happened but i pressured them into trying oral and they gagged both times so we stopped and i asked them to kiss it twice as well as a joke because of what happened days prior when they kicked me in the balls as a joke i just, can someone reply please | OCD |
Hi all, I’ve been taking 2mg prazosin for about two years for night terrors (on top of trazodone and gabapentin). On Monday my psychiatrist upped my dose to 5mg because I’ve slowly started having more of them.
When I tell you I’ve never had a worse headache…this is like the flu headache 2.0. It’s godawful.
Has anyone else taken 5mg of prazosin & experienced anything similar? Will it go away!? | ptsd |
I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and I had an experience today, like many before, that I would normally attribute to social anxiety but I’m wondering may be mostly overstimulation.
Went to a food court I had never been to before, pretty active environment, that had a way of ordering food that was unusual to me (kiosks without talking to anyone) and no clear place to stand to wait for your food. This put me in a very heightened state, faster heart rate, mind racing. For an hour after this I wasn’t able to calm down, was in meetings and was interrupting and talking over people much more than I normally do and probably came off way more excited than usual.
Is that what people are referring to when they say they are overstimulated? I’ve always attributed it to social anxiety and the fight or flight instincts kicking in, but I also wasn’t consciously worried about what other people thought etc. | ADHD |
I just got out of a really long and emotionally draining relationship. Girl knew all about my PTSD triggers and such. I was very emotionally vulnerable with her. Today I was sitting eating breakfast and I got hit hard with the realization of how I’m going to have to start over that process of vulnerability. It’ll never be the same again. I’m so scared that if I open up to much then I’ll scare any possible interests away. I don’t know how to go about this. I live life mostly normally despite my PTSD, but I know for sure I definitely can’t be in a serious relationship without it coming up. Thank you to anyone who read this far, any advice is much appreciated. | ptsd |
You were never that great at written communication, it was just that you were much better at it than verbal communication.
I call it sad but I also think it's a bit funny. | aspergers |
Hi all, hope everyone is well
I'm sure this has been asked before, but after years of ineffectual for OCD specific symptoms therapy, I made an appointment with NOCD to start ERP since finding a local therapist wasn't working out with my insurance anyway and I like the idea of having an advisor and all the other support things that are offered- I loved group when I went through a intensive outpatient
But, I'm also terrified because I am so used to being uncomfortable that being not so is...daunting. I've only been diagnosed for 3 years. No medication (I understand it's important and necessary for some people) since I am likely to rely on it to "fix" things completely and will not follow through with healthy coping mechanisms
Has anyone here used it and why or why didn't it help? I know there are complaints will billing, etc. and I'd prefer not to hear those negative experiences since I know those are stressful but I have no issues dealing with that if it happens so I'd appreciate honest commentary on ERP in general along with the app itself | OCD |
Turqmil
8m
Dog bite trauma
I got bitten by a dog when I was a kid.
It is now almost 2 decades since then, and I thought I had gotten over the trauma. The sound of barking used to unnerve me, and I would stiffen and quicken my pace if I had to walk past a dog, even if it was on a leash. As I got older I managed to control my reactions. I still wouldn't approach a dog of any size, leashed or unleashed, but I wouldn't freak out if I was near one.
Until today. I went to a neighbor's house, and when they opened the door a huge dog came rushing out. It leapt at me, probably playfully, nosing my clothing. I was terrified. All I remember is lunging for the wall of the porch, a thousand emotional states flitted through my body, first in fear and defense and then resignation, then waiting for the bite to come, I just wanted it to bite me already and get it over with if it was going to happen... The owner was calling it back and it wasn't really listening. Finally it went back inside.
I was so embarrassed. The owner understood. But I felt so silly, the dog had just been playful.
When I went back to my car though, I dissolved into uncontrollable sobs. Heaving, crying, sobbing... all the memories, the experience of that dog bite when I was a kid, came rushing back. (not that I'd ever forgotten it, just I never had since relived the emotional feelings attached to the memory until this moment).
I cried for probably about 30 minutes straight. My leg felt weird, the sensation where this dog had just now roughed up against me, it hadn't hurt me, but I still felt the violating experience of it. I still, do thinking of it.
Is this emotional reaction normal? I feel so mad that all the time that has passed since then, and my body clearly hasn't forgotten the memory. Are traumas lifelong? I don't think this was a good exposure exercise since it was so sudden, I think it actually re-traumatized me. Has anyone experience re-trauma from triggers?
I know it's just a dog bite a small thing compared to what people go through, but I'm still shaking thinking of it.
Any suggestions on therapy modalities I can try to work through this if it clearly still affects me? (I don't come in contact with dogs often, so I never cared to work through it too deeply...) But I feel so shaken from today. That feeling of attack, loss of control. | ptsd |
I'm undiagnosed, but have a very strong suspicion that I do have ADHD. I've already informed them that I want to discuss the possibility of ADHD and get referred to a specialist if necessary for evaluation. But, I'm worried that my concerns will be dismissed. I've been keeping a list of reasons I suspect I have ADHD, but does anyone have any tips on ensuring that it is taken seriously? I've read too many stories of people who are dismissed by their doctors. | ADHD |
I have music stuck in my head 90% of the time that I'm awake. I often have the same song in my head when I wake up that I had when I fall asleep. The songs are often the same 5-6 ones, but they can also be different a lot of the time. I'm often able to switch between songs, but I am very rarely able to get a "blank mind".
I know this is connected to OCD. Is there anyone else here that struggles with this? Any tips on how to deal with it? | OCD |
then I went into my college's dining hall after a very quiet and chill weeklong break spent inside. The place was unbelievably loud, so many people, my heart rate was like 3x the normal and I was shit scared the entire time for no reason. How tf did I even do this before | aspergers |
Ever since I was little I would have absolute meltdowns and panic attacks bc I didn’t know what to do with my time
On the weekends my parents would ask what I wanted to do and I would end up in a puddle on the floor bc I couldn’t figure out the perfect thing for us to do (so then we wouldn’t do anything)
I honestly still struggle with this today as an adult and I hate it.
Anyone else? I feel really alone in this one for some reason | OCD |
So I’m kinda new to meds it’s been like a month maybe? Anyways, I get crazyyyyy headaches after the medicine kinda dies down. I’m talking serious throbbing at the crown of my head and temples sometimes my visions goes wonky. I’m only on 10 mgs because the doc doesn’t wanna overload me so it’s not like a high dosage to begin with. Anyone else experience headaches too?
I should also add that I am a chronic migraine sufferer so I don’t know if that plays into it as well! | ADHD |
I don't want to dive too deep into the "lore" of everything but I'm a firm believer in that checking people out while you're in a relationship is disrespectful. I'm not here to debate on this, it's something me and my partner have mutually agreed on for a long time. I'm a people watcher and I tend to examine what people are doing and examine their faces and such no matter how they look, and last year I came to the realization that for a long time I think I had been checking people out by "examining their faces" without even realizing it. I don't know how long I had been doing it or the extent I had been doing it. I feel like I wouldn't even really be thinking much as I was staring at said attractive person. But ever since it's ruined my life. I used to be an extremely picky person when it came to looks and I only really liked people who resembled my boyfriend but now lately it feels like almost anyone is attractive to me and even things or people I never would've found attractive before. Any time I see someone even out of the corner of my eye who just seems like they might be attractive I feel the overwhelming urge to look at them, even if I have to go out of my way way by turning around or turning my head or something. It's gotten to the point where now to avoid feeling guilty about it I just avoid looking at anyone who's even slightly good looking at all costs. I don't watch videos online if the person is even somewhat good looking or I just avoid looking at them entirely. It's like I feel bad for watching YouTube videos and looking at their faces to see their reactions. Or I feel bad for looking at my waiter as he takes my order because he's kind of good looking. Like I'm just driving myself crazy. I didn't used to think this way. I used to be very picky when it came to looks and I only like people who looked a lot like my boyfriend. Even if I did think someone was attractive I'd rarely actually acknowledge that to myself , it was more like it was just something I knew. Why do I CONSTANTLY now think almost every person I look at is attractive? Why do I have to actually acknowledge it why can't it just be something I know why do I always have to actually think in my head "he's attractive" when I see an attractive person?! It's so fucking frustrating and I always make myself feel like shit for it. | OCD |
Long story short my dad was crazy and an extreme instance of abuse occurred one fall afternoon.
Everytime it starts becoming more fall like (short days, dusty air, warm in thre afternoon cool in the evenings) I get triggered. A lot. It's been close to 30 years, I've been in countless therapy and hospitals to deal with everything but this one trigger just never goes away. Fall is otherwise my favorite season and I hate that I have to stay inside with the a.c cranked and the shades drawn so I don't risk smelling the fall air or seeing that particular yellow/ gold sunshine through the trees. Does anyone else have an entire season or weather pattern that sets you off? How do you cope? | ptsd |
How does anybody actually manage life? I always take on way too much for my scattered brain to handle, but feel terrible when I fail. When I think it through and keep my boundaries for what I know I can/can’t do I feel terrible for not doing enough. I have a ton more to do today but can’t focus enough to get any of it done and bedtime is quickly approaching since I took on OT at work tomorrow. Help! | ADHD |
I've always been the loner, the one that doesn't speak without reason, I'd say I'm interesting but that's only in my mind, I'm very rare as I've noticed, I'm a emo rapper, that's really my only outlet since I feel like nobody else cares, and I also have a since of humor that's rare nowadays with everyone being so uptight, I don't know how to human good through because I was not gifted with people to guide me through this world correctly, but if you talk, I'll try my best to say something, even through I don't know how to emotion properly, if I have no input, I'll say I have no input which is most of the time, I'm not always sad it's more of just anxious for the future, I'd like someone to chill with at least maybe, but then again I don't wanna look at it as a chore, I just wanna have a good time if we're actually talking, all the communications I've been through feel like chores, we get nowhere in the end because I don't wanna show my true self, the normal route was never for me I believe, I'm not made to be normal. | depression |
I (M30) was diagnosed with ADHD when I was a kid, but stopped taking my meds in my early teens because I didn't like how they made me feel. I kind of regret it now, and I think I need the meds to operate at my best, particularly because I'm thinking of going back to school, and school was really difficult for me after I stopped taking my meds. But I can't spend the money to go to the doctor every month just for them to tell me "Yep, that thing you've had since you were a child is still there". Can I just get an ongoing prescription that I can refill without having to see a doctor every month? I do have insurance. | ADHD |
So, I've been a part of this little community for a while but all I did was read threads so why not make my first post be about something that absolutely changed my life.
TW: Mention of Depression, Anxiety, Eating Disorders, Drug/Alcohol abuse
I was diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive) when I was 6 years old (perks of having a mom who was a clinical psychologist for 20+ years). I started taking stimulant ADHD medication at 6 and have taken various kinds of stimulants over the course of 15 years (I'm 21 now). They always worked until I built a tolerance for them and had to move on to more powerful, longer-release meds. I'm currently taking Vyvanse 30mg and a 10mg Adderall bumper in the afternoons for homework time and whatnot. I also have a long personal history of depression, anxiety, and eating disorders. My family history also has a long line of these same things with the lovely addition of drug/alcohol abuse. So, least to say I had to carefully tiptoe my way through the medication world. My depression and anxiety went untreated for many years until I was about 14. After a scooter-ankle attempt, my family and psychiatrist said "anti-depressant time" and I've been on and off them since. I went through years of anti-depression medication and therapy and it never really fixed any of my problems. My anti-depressants would dampen the effects of my depression (the voices in my head got quieter but never went away) and therapy only lasted so long. I just kept going through this awful cycle of manic perfectionism to mask my low-self esteem and debilitating self-loathing depression. My way to cope with this cycle was to binge eat when I was super depressed and then puke it up to get rid of the guilt or during my manic cycle, I would heavily restrict and exercise for 2-3 months, lose all the weight, and then restart the binge eating. So, as you can imagine, I developed a nasty case of bulimia nervosa. My stimulants helped calm my depression, anxiety, and my binge eating disorder, buuuuuuut it also made my restrictive bulimic tendencies flair up. It was just an awful lesser of two evils situation.
But it gets worse :)
I went to college in 2018 before I was even close to being ready for it and everything just went to shit. I started abusing my stimulants, wouldn't sleep or eat for days, then have massive binges and do absolutely nothing for my studies. I smoked the grass and cigarettes. Grass and nicotine literally made me forget how to spell simple words. I seriously think I lost brain cells. Oh, and did I mention the codependency issues I had? Yeah, that was fun. So I ended up flunking out of my first university in the middle of my sophomore year in 2019 and when COVID hit in 2020 I had a year where I decided to finally get healthy. I started therapy again, I opened up about my drug abuse to my psychiatrist, I talked to my family about my experiences and how I was miserable. I was all-around a really sick human being. But, I started to slowly get healthier and in 2021 I started classes at a good school that genuinely cares about me and accommodates my needs.
But things still weren't better enough.
The consequences of my frequent stimulant abuse made my tolerance to my medication so high that I could take 100mg of Vyvanse and 50mg of Adderall at the same time and not feel a thing. My heart was so stressed there were times I genuinely thought I was going to die. So, with the mix of taking classes and my tolerance being so high that meds didn't work anymore, you can imagine the amount of stress, anxiety, and depressive thoughts I had. It sucked balls bro. I would keep torturing myself with the thought that "if you just tried harder/if you weren't lazy/if you were just normal, you'd be doing better". The cycle of manic perfectionism and executive dysfunction depression came back. I could manage it. But managing isn't thriving. I was constantly battling these thoughts in my head and pair that with ADHD, it's like trying to tune out a screaming match and the Wii menu music at the same time.
But then I got my Wellbutrin (150mg 24hr extended-release)
OH MY GOD!!!! WHERE HAS THIS BEEN ALL MY LIFE!!!!!!!?????? All the bad thoughts are gone. Finally, my head is clear! I can think a coherent thought without speeding out of my mind on stimulants. I finally feel happy and calm for once in my life. Even on days where I don't take my stimulants, I can still focus! I can wash a load of laundry and put it away without living out of the same laundry basket for a month. I don't fall into the pit of executive dysfunction or scrolling paralysis anymore. I don't feel like a void of a human being. I don't experience sub-drops where I feel like the world isn't real. I don't experience under-stimulation or overstimulation. I can finally live a normal life and it feels amazing. The world is finally calm, the voices are finally quiet, and there's no more of that goddamn Wii menu music stuck in my head.
​
If you relate to how I've felt, please try Wellbutrin. This stuff really changed my life for the better! | ADHD |
Even with medication, I am so uninterested in general office meetings that I totally zone out or get distracted. Most of the time I'm more concerned with looking like I'm paying attention rather than actually focusing on the conversation.
One or two things will perk my interest and I'll make a comment or ask a question but then I get super self conscious that they already discussed the topic or my question is irrelevant...blah...
Meetings suck and are a form of slow and painful torture. Let me just do my job, and send me an email rather than making me sit still for 1hr!! | ADHD |
How do I differentiate and recognise actual sensory issues like this? "Am I just being whiny?" "Do neurotypicals feel this?" "is it in my head?"
Sorry English is not my first language so I'm not sure if I'm making sense. Can anyone relate or give advice? Thank you. | aspergers |
I've been having vivid dreams at night, most are anxiety inducing or are terrifying, playing off of traumatic memories. I wake up terrified in the middle of the night and constantly wake up every hour or two as a result of a dream. The most I sleep uninterrupted in 3 hours, then I wake up, go to sleep, wake up an hour later, go to sleep, etc. This was usually a symptom of my anxiety, but it got worse when I got all of the trauma off of my chest on Friday. It was my first time telling all of it to someone aside my boyfriend. This is really impacting my ability to go to class and keep focus, since I'm so damn tired all of the time and the only \*slight\* remedy is a nap (to which I'll want to go to sleep again right after). Any advice on how to manage this? Any similar experiences? Anything helps, thank you! | ptsd |
Look, I'm not looking for your pity. I'm currently a 17-year-old senior in high school and I fear I might have ADHD. This is obviously bad for anyone but my situation really sucks because I'm in my last year of high school and the workload is quite heavy. I can't focus. No matter how hard I try, it's like forcing me to do 100 pushups. I just can't. I'm going into the Air Force after high school and the thought of me getting kicked out due to not being able to focus while studying scares me. Because I have no prior history of taking meds for ADHD, I didn't mention this to anyone. Not even my recruiter. We've come so far and I'm afraid if I mention this now, he's going to be frustrated with me. I can't go to m parents because mental health means nothing to them and will always just say "just keep working". I had a physical last month and I mentioned this to my doctor and he said I might have ADD. He told my mother to speak to a counselor at my school but she disregarded his comments. I'm trying to just push through high school but my grades fucking suck right now. I've fallen too far behind and only more work is coming in. When I try to do my homework, it feels like too much and I just begin watching TV or getting on Reddit or start playing guitar. I'm doing the latter two right now. I've been trying to find nonprescription meds to help me out. Is this a bad idea? If you have any insight or advice, please help me out. | ADHD |
... and I am, as they often say around here, bricking it.
It's been around six months since I (41M, UK) stumbled into the ADHD community and I started to realise that maybe, at middle age, my brain hadn't been behaving as advertised for the longest time and that maybe I'm not just a lazy, scatter-brained, unfocused screw-up.
My GP referred me to the local psychiatric team, and two successive psychiatric evaluations (one via Zoom, one in person) agreed to refer me to a local NHS Adult ADHD service. I badgered them every few weeks to find out what the waiting times were like (my GP said it was up to 2 years) but the reception staff at the specialists informed me that it had reduced down to around 6 months .
Yesterday I got an appointment text through for my first proper specialist assessment (the first is via phone, the second in person) and, yeah, I'm panicking a little. My wife and daughter are doing their best to reassure me, and I've already had multiple professionals say 'Yeah, it's probably ADHD' but I'm terrified that the specialists will tell me I'm fine. I have no idea where that leaves me.
Please tell me I'm just overthinking this. | ADHD |
I feel like absolute shit and I haven't gotten out of my bed for two days. I have no one to talk to because I feel like I'm annoying all of my friends with my bullshit. I don't want to bother my best friend because she's at her boyfriend's house but she's the only one I feel comfortable talking to about my depression. I really don't know what to do anymore I felt so great a few days ago but now I'm back at one of my lowest points in quite a while. | depression |
Has anyone else had a disappointing experience with Psychiatry UK? I (25) just had my evaluation and the doctor had clearly not read any of the forms that I filled out. She arrived like 10 minutes late, kept interrupting me and dismissing the symptoms I was bringing up and I just sat in silence in the middle of the appointment while she skimmed over one of the forms. I ended up feeling really rattled and couldn't form thoughts properly. She ended up saying I was borderline ADHD and referred me to the titration service which has a waiting list of 4 months. The whole thing took like 30 minutes and she cut me off at the end when I still had more to say.
I'm glad she has referred me, but it really feels like she didn't give me a chance to fully explain my symptoms. She said that I didn't fill a lot of the categories of ADHD, but in the self assessment form I filled out I had most of the symptoms. It left me really emotional and disappointed because I was desperate for a chance to get reassurance about the symptoms I've been dealing with most of my life.
Does anyone have any experience with Psychiatry UK and the process after you are referred to the titration service? | ADHD |
The guy is like fresh out of school new and Im just thinking "Im too fucked up for you to handle as one of your first clients, bro". This last session was going over my problems and he looked like a deer in the headlights. I just don't know what to do. What therapist doesnt have experience in trauma counseling? I mean isnt that kind of one of the main things people go to counseling for :/
Edit: since everyone thinks Im a liar, which is totally supportive and nice...... I have literally 6 inches of medical records but identifying information and all that. Here are my school absence records. Woah, look at all those dates, if that happened today my mom would probably be in jail. We had A/B class days and I knew I could miss 2 days in a row from a migraine without dropping behind. Still graduated with honors a year and a half early but instead of getting a "good for you for fighting through the pain" I get called a liar. Fun. Anyways earlier headache diaries have identifying info of my headache clinic. So you get from 2014 to 2019.
Thank you to the people that were kind and offered advice and help! I really appreciate it :)
http://imgur.com/a/F14jrvS | ptsd |
A 30 something male here. Maybe this is very peculiar but we've all been told that exercising releases endorphins and make you feel good and all that but somehow, it makes me really depressed for days afterwards.
I've been feeling really low, can't sleep well at night, I'm always ruminating over the past and how others, especially my family have wronged me, it just keeps going on and on. Yesterday, I started crying while driving. This morning, I couldn't control my tears while having breakfast. I don't know what's wrong. I'm not on any medication but I do have a weak digestive system. They say 95% of serotonin is produced in the gut and maybe that explains it?
I don't know. I feel okay on some days and then some days like now are just cruel to my well being. But, this feeling low and upset post an intense exercise session is real because it has happened far too many times to just brush it off. | depression |
Hi, so I just woke up with high anxiety and decided to take a bath to relieve those symptoms, but... Doing so also gives a lot of time to think, and I think a lot of us know how that can end up when coping with depression.
Anyways... It seems like my brain always wants to take things that should cause happiness and love and translate them as sadness. Example. I just saw a picture of my nephew and now I'm stuck in a loop of thoughts / anxieties about him and his future. He's healthy and all, but what ifs keep popping into my head.
Just wondering who can relate.
Also I think I just needed to get this out of my head. Feel a little better now, but hate the numbness after a prolonged cry so that'll probably cause future issues today. | depression |
I'm really nervous right now and I haven't prepared at all mostly due to college taking up all my time at the moment. I have no idea what to excpect and what to talk about. Just wondered if I could get some advice. | OCD |
Hey there, so my gf has OCD and she rarely talks to me about it, just here and there. Sometimes she does and I think it's great for both of us. I guess she is managing it somehow, but I'm not so sure. She's become (mainly mentally/emotionally) dependent on my adhd meds. She says it helps her a lot to cope with everything and that she doesn't feel so exhausted from the compulsions and feels more confident - especially in social situations, that often cause her anxiety.
Recently we've talked more (or she at least told me more recently) about some of her feelings (she tends to mask it fairly well in general I guess) and it explains many things that I wonder about often (why doesn't se do this or that with her life etc.) and from what she tells me and what I'm beginning to realize is that she has a pretty severe anxiety that is tied to OCD or stems from it or idk if chicken or egg. Point being I really think she needs to actively do something about it other than just try to handle it on her own and cling to my meds as a solution.
​
Is there something you guys can say really helps or helped you? Is there something I can do? I try to talk to her when she is open to it and I feel like some of my "coaching tips" have helped her, but that's only possible once in a while and I don't know what to do on regular basis that would have some positive impact on her mental well being. | OCD |
Hi, I'm in an Autism discussion group on zoom. It is run by an autistic woman. We have a meeting every Monday at 6:00 PDT. Today Monday May the 10th at 6:00pm PDT we will be meeting on Zoom. Meetings are usually 2 hours. If you are interested in attending please send me a private message and I will give you the Zoom link to join. | aspergers |
So not that I sleep well to begin with, but I’ve been averaging about 4 hours a night ever since the news broke about Kobe’s death. First reaction was meh, that’s sad but he’s a rapist. Then as the over the top wailing and gnashing of teeth reactions started pouring in, I started getting angrier and angrier. My attacker was a well liked Christian lawyer, so I’m sure if I were ever to come out publicly against him I’d get the same treatment, and I’m sure people think the world of him, kinda like Kobe.
Honestly I can’t stop fixating on it. It’s obviously not as bad as Kavanaugh (I almost lost my shit during that period) but I’m almost angrier because at least with Kav a lot of people were united with survivors. Now it feels like we’re on our own again, and it’s a jolt coming off of #MeToo. I mean if this had been just a normal celebrity death, I doubt I would be this worked up. But the over the top nature combined with the fierce bullshit criticism towards those of us who have brought it up has just pushed me into all out fury. I’ve gone from “Well that’s sad but let’s not forget he was very flawed” to “fuck him, fuck his fans, fuck the NBA, I want to light shit on fire and fist fight someone LET’S GO.”
Yes I know this is the good ol’ PTSD acting up, as much as I would like to deny it. (That caused another wave of rage tears because I freaking HATE these episodes when I’m like it’s been 3 years, why am I still like this???) But even though I know that the anger and fixation are symptoms manifesting, I can’t seem to get ahold of it. Part of me doesn’t WANT to get ahold of it. A very large part of me would like to get a megaphone, drive to LA, and stand on the corner like a demented street preacher to yell at those Lakers fans that their precious hero is a rapist.
And part of my rage is the hypocrisy in all of this. Think of the other men that #MeToo has taken down- Cosby, Weinstein, Charlie Rose, Matt Lauer, Roy Moore... do you think for a second that the progressive crowd will hesitate to tear them apart anew the moment their hearts stop? Spoiler alert, they will not, there will be no “now is not the right time” talking points for Weinstein when he kicks the bucket. But Bryant could throw a ball into a hoop good, so he gets a pass and the country is ready to build him a memorial on the National Mall.
Oh and I don’t exactly enjoy feeling like a white hot burning ball of fury for 90% of my day for the past week while I get no sleep. But the twitter trends and the crying celebrities and the silenced journalist and all of these people tripping over themselves to see who can prostrate themselves at his feet the fastest has so thoroughly disgusted me that I would like to WWE chair slam the next person who tweets #GirlDad. Shit we haven’t even GOTTEN to his funeral yet. It’s gonna be another week of this nonsense. Sorry for the longish rant, I’m just at the end of my rope and at a loss as to how to diffuse my anger. Oh well, off to get a whole 3 hours of sleep before I have to be at work and start the process all over again. | ptsd |
I just got a thought and i couldn’t tell if it was a conclusion that i myself came to, or if it was just another intrusive thought. It’s bothering me. How do you tell which thoughts are your own? | OCD |
I don't know if I shouldn't ask this but I'm seriously confused, I want to know if this is POCD. I'm not diagnosed btw, but I did start to have this big fear of being a pedophile some months ago, it got better after some conversations with my mom but them it suddenly got worse bc of a episode that happened while I was... Yk, having fun alone.
That (probably) meaningless and random though ab smt a friend of mine said (this friend is 12 and i am 16, i had just turn out 16) while i was doing that was enough to trigger that fear again, like why tf did i though ab her? Also I'm bissexual (and I'm a girl), and i had a traumatizing coming out and my mom was not supportive at all, i think it might have been a trigger too.
So i started getting nervous while seeing pictures of children, and it was when i started getting groinals, which made me feel strongly guilty and confused. I had never had this kind of feeling before, i was actually attracted for older guys (like around 20-40) and most of my relationships were with older people (2 years of age gap, i was 13 and he was 15, then i was 14 with a 16, and now I am with a guy who's around my age, like 1 year older), and suddenly these thoughts came? Why?
For the next weeks, things only got worse. Guilt, shame, self loathing, anxiety... I started distancing from everyone, i felt like i didn't deserve their love, i was disgusting. I vented ab it with my mom sometimes, but it didn't help at most.
The things that bothered me weren't just centered on pedophilic intrusive thoughts/fears, but also harm and distorted memories/real events from a long time ago. I realized that i was seeking for reassurance since like October, mostly ab real events, to see if i did hurt my friends, or if they really forgive me... Did a lot of online research too. I thought i was having another low self-esteem episode and almost falling into depression, but them i found out about ocd.
I didn't know what ocd really was. As most people, i used to think it was being perfeccionist or washing your hands compulsively, and them i saw i was wrong. Sexual ocd. I related so much with it, that it was scary. Months of research and i didn't found out ab it yet. It actually got me relieved at that time, i finally found out what my problem might be. But... I never really got better.
The thoughts are still bothering me. I don't want to be specific on this post, so if you wanna know more, or help me, you can dm me. I went to a psychologist and i an doing therapy with her, every Monday. When i said i was suspicious about having ocd, she said i should go to a psychiatrist. I'm trying to get one.
The last thing i want to ask: is it normal to have groinal responses to ages, words, and randomly? And to pictures? | OCD |
One of the central characters in Disney’s recent animated film, a story about a magically-gifted family at risk of losing their powers, can see into the future and is extremely superstitious. He throws salt over his shoulder, holds his breath when speedily walking through enclosed spaces, and has a ‘knocking’ ritual - all of this is played for laughs.
Working through complex topics in kid’s films can be done, but the way this film presented OCD to a young audience completely missed any opportunity for opening a dialogue with children that could improve their understanding. What’s worse is I haven’t found a single article on how the film touched on OCD, which suggests Disney had no intention of addressing this and the rituals were included solely as comic relief.
Instead of enjoying what was otherwise a sweet story, I had to have the uncomfortable conversation after the film had ended about how the way these behaviours were framed encourages a young and ignorant audience to mock the character in question. Disney had the perfect opportunity to educate and they dropped the ball. | OCD |
I just feel like no matter what I do or how I approach someone I always get shut down or ghosted and idk what I’m doing wrong... | depression |
Two months ago I had everything in order.
Waking up, brushing, bathing, working but now I just don't even have the strength to sit in front of my laptop. In those two months I had a depressive episode, now I want to move on. But I can't even look at my work without feeling a tsunami of anxious over me.
So much so that even a deadline can't threaten me into anything now.
Has it ever happened to you and if yes, how did you get out of it. | ADHD |
I don’t know why but I don’t feel like I’ve ever felt at home or like I have a place that is my home. It’s weird that it’s not my family’s place or a close friend.
Not sure if anyone else feels this way. | aspergers |
Also I imagine me listing them off to someone to get some type of validation | OCD |
I'm seeing my psychiatrist next week and she asked me to tell her what I think I have (I believe we are nearing the end of her diagnosis). She's been putting me on bipolar meds since we started, but neither I, my doctor, nor my mother believe I have bipolar and after talking to everyone we're pretty sure this is ADHD (I don't function by patterns or get random depressive/manic phases in life. I'm pretty consistant with my chaos). I want to make sure I don't get misdiagnosed because I am certain this isn't a mood disorder.
Anyway, I wanted to make a symptom resume with all of the symptoms (mild or severe) I've experienced since childhood and how frequent they are. The problem is, I've been trying to start one for hours and as most people with ADHD may know, starting these kind of projects don't mix well with us. So I wanted to ask if anyone had any templates I could use to get myself started, or any kind of help that would make things easier on me? | ADHD |
I’ve been looking into it a lot and it potentially explains so many questions and problems I have with NTs and just reality in general. Not saying all NTs could be NPCs, but I’ve met plenty who’s personalities and lifestyles made absolutely no sense to me. It seems like given how realistic our virtual worlds are becoming that at some point we could make a reality that’s indistinguishable from this one. Not to mention the speed of light could likely be the “artifact” that our simulation would have. I’m wondering if anyone here has looked into it and can provide insight. | aspergers |
I have been watching the Netflix Series "Atypical" with my NT wife. We find it really fun to watch and it makes us laugh. Sometimes, when I relate to something going on in the episode, I will say something which my wife knows is very "Aspie" of me and we get a kick out of it.
I find the series refreshing, not just because the main character is autistic, but because of the family drama that plays out. I generally don't like comedies, but do really enjoy this one.
If you have not watched it yet, I heartily recommend it, for both NT's and Atypicals.
You have seen it, then what do you think of it?
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atypical#Accolades](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atypical#Accolades) | aspergers |
So, the thing is that I've been dealing with pocd for probably 5 mounths. And even tought I tried doing exposure, watched videos of teraphysts about the topic and even talmed to a psycologist about it, the true its that I'm scared of actually become a p.
Sometimes, I don't know if these thoughts that I have are just intrusive ones or not. Sometimes, I feel aroused for an entire day and I don't know if it is a groinal response or not.
How is all this gonna affect my morals? I read somewhere that there's a possibility that people with pocd become real pedos. What if that happens to me? I'm scared, I don't know what to do anymore. | OCD |
I'll start of with I've never really had a chance to share this when it first happened. I am really look for advice, support, and just knowing that I'm not alone in how I've been struggling with everything.
This is somewhat of a continuation of a story of my growing up, which started off in a Christian cult. If you're interested in reading about it, here is the link: [https://www.reddit.com/r/cults/comments/patzkj/story\_of\_growing\_up\_in\_a\_christian\_cult/](https://www.reddit.com/r/cults/comments/patzkj/story_of_growing_up_in_a_christian_cult/)
After my continued Christian upbringing, I got a job working in the event and rental industry. I started there when I was 15 years old, and worked there until right before my 21 birthday.
One week, were were working a Christmas trade show in a city about an hour away from home. We set up an organized a tradeshow for Christmas crafts as well as some Audio/Visual for things like music, movies, and announcements. There was one evening where my boss and I were doing sound for a band that was playing for a liquor tasting. Myself, being freshly turned 18 and on a bit of a pastor's kid rebellious streak, and my boss, decided that would be okay if we drank at this tasting. The company was volunteering the man hours of the sound tech-ing, so my boss that it would be fun. Another co-worker was there with his girlfriend who lived in that city. He gave me some drink tickets and I was on my way. As the night went on, my boss would say "The band and DJs need some shots!" Booth after booth brought shots up. Myself being 18, having no real dinner was getting pretty drunk.
As the night continued, my co-worker's girlfriend had brought her best friend with her. Excuse the language, but for the simplicity of explanation, I will just call him the Gay-Best-Friend. As the night went he, the Gay-Best-Friend followed me quite a bit. I didn't think much of it. I was 18 and he looked to be in his 40s or so.
After the tasting was over, my boss had another friend in the industry that was running a karaoke booth at a local bar, so we decided to head over. I continued drinking. I had about 4 or so drinks with my boss and his friend. My co-worker, his girlfriend, the Gay-Best-Friend, a town senator, and some others were all at a corner booth and drinking away. After awhile, I decided to go say hi to my co-worker as his table. After a drink or so there, I had hit my limit. I went into one of the bathroom stalls and puked my guts out. I was so sick that I also got a bloody nose, so the stale was a mess. I ended up passing out in the stall. I remember coming to here a man saying how much he hates using public restrooms, only to walk into the unlocked stall and see me. My boss laughed and took pictures.
After recovering, I went back to the table with my co-worker, and passed out on the table. I remember the waitress freaking out at the table and cutting me off. I left the bar, stumbling to my boss' truck, pulling on the locked handle as my boss was getting the keys and getting ready to go. In comes Gay-Best-Friend. He says he knows the back streets well, and he would keep me safe back to the hotel. We walk there (about a block or so) and meet my boss at the front door with my bag in his truck. We all ride the elevator up to our floor.
My boss and I each had our own rooms, but there were right next to each other, maybe a total of 5-6 feet between the doors. I unlock my door with my key-card, my boss and the GBF staring at me. The GBF pushes me in the room as says to my boss that he got's me. I remember getting ready for bed, and unbuttoning my dress shirt. I got to get into bed, and he said that I don't normally sleep in pants, so I should take them off. I agreed. I lay in bed. He starts rubbing my back (my mom always used to do that for me, so it was like a comforting thing in that state, still not comprehending what is happening to me). He makes a statement or question referring to if I like it, and I said something along the lines of yes (still not comprehending what is happening). He keeps getting lower and lower, until he finally gropes my one butt cheek.
All I remember is a tense, gut-dropping feeling of panic, and then instantly turned black. The next day I wake up. The GBF cranked the heat in my room for some reason. I get ready and dressed for work, not fully understanding what happened the night before. That day was the tear down of the trade show and everything, so all of my co-workers were there. My boss told all of them what happened, and they all started to make fun of me for being hungover and that I had a gay man follow me into my room last night. It became the company running joke for awhile.
I remember asking my boss why he didn't try to stop him, and his response was that "He called the GBF's best friend to call off the dogs". I kept this pretty repressed all in all. I brought it up in a story telling match that 18 year old's get in trying to one up each other, thinking that it was a funny story because when it happened, everyone laughed. This was the first time anyone asked if I was okay, and I didn't understand what they meant.
Fast forward, now I'm 25, and over the past 7-8 months, actually coming to terms with being sexually assaulted. My mom works in victim services, so she supported my going in and making a statement. When my old boss was called and by the investigator, he told them that he thought we were just going to go into the rom and keep partying. We had no alcohol, and I vomited over everything already. Plus when I asked him why he didn't help me, he said he did by "calling off the dogs". Because he lied, the police decided that there was not enough evidence to take this man to court, as he was the closest thing to a witness I had.
Now I'm just left with a large amount of anxiety on the bad days. Sometimes I get so anxious when my wife wants to cuddle, or I get anxious about my feelings towards her sometimes. Is that normal? Does anyone else have those kind of relationship doubts and anxieties even though they KNOW that they love the person they're with? Any advice and support is amazing.
PS. I have just recently started therapy for these things in the past year, and have been with a therapist who specializes with sexual assaults. I am just hoping for some community support.
Thanks everyone. | ptsd |
The other day I was making some stickers and was using this nice rubber brayer that I bought when I was totally going to start doing block printing.
I never did make a single print, but that brayer has been useful for so many other things. I use it when I bind books, when I need to smooth out a glue job, and for any other thing that needs to be firmly but gently smoothed out.
What have you impulsively bought that you actually use, even if not for the originally intended purpose? | ADHD |
Any advice for connecting with your emotions after
a traumatic childhood? I find that I can be cold and distant and not in tune with my emotions. It seems like a defense mechanism. | ptsd |
I am 30 and just got diagnosed with Asperger. I was really happy because now I know what to improve to be normal but all the people I've told have attacked the diagnosis.
Now I have being diagnosed by a psychiatrist a psychologist and I'm waiting for the diagnosis from a psychologist specialist in autism. But I hate having to focus on proving to others I have Asperger instead of focus on being better.
My mom is a psychologist and I'm afraid of how she will react because she thinks any psychology problem I have is an insult to her.
I don't think is a big deal having Asperger but I feel really alone and judged.
Any advice? | aspergers |
I haven't been technically diagnosed with depression, but I'm at the end of my rope at this point, and I don't know where else to turn to. I didn't know there was a name for how I am, but apparently I identify as an introvert, and I have 0 friends, 0 family, 0 places to go, no transportation, and a disability, at 25 years old. I have a knee injury that keeps me from walking long distances, and I live in an area where there's not really any form of public transportation (Alabama) I have a very old phone I can only use on wifi, and nothing more than a backpack of clothes, and an out of date license
Pardon my profanity...but where the fuck do I even start? I'm just recently homeless. I've always been a hard working individual, and it's just unbelievable that I would have been dropped on my nuts this hard. I've always been the type to help others and try to make people laugh while I hide my own issues, so even asking for help on the street sends me into a panic attack. I'm constantly freezing and in pain from the cold and trying to walk as far as I can, and it's just getter the better of me...to be completely honest I threw my pocket knife in a field yesterday afternoon because of thoughts that just popped in my head out of nowhere. Thoughts I would have never taken seriously before. I was sharpening it on a broken coffee cup I found on the side of the road, and had a serious thought I should just jab it into my neck and end it, because there's no hope in sight...which scares the shit out of me because it felt like I wasn't in control of my own thoughts. I've been down before, and most people would say that I have had a very difficult life (mental/physical abuse, abandondment, loneliness, toxic childhood, the norms) but thats never made me feel this way.
Maybe I just needed to get it off my chest, but I have nobody to turn to, and I'm only on reddit because I can't make a Facebook or much else without a phone number, aside from this phone not being capable of much anyways. Any words of advice (at all) would mean so much to me right now, even if just a subreddit or a website or something.
I know I'm not the only one who's been here, and I don't mean to rant, so to anyone reading this...thank you. If you've been here before and made it out, you're an incredibly strong person. God bless. | depression |
Does anyone else struggle with decision making?
I’ve had the realization recently that I’ve wasted so many years of my life (I’m 36 now) making decisions and then later undoing my progress by changing the decision.
It’s most severe for me when it boils down to just two choices. Those are the worst. From simple decisions like where to bank to bigger decisions like where I fall along the political spectrum - if there is a choice between two things, I just cannot make a decision. As soon as I do, as soon as the next hour, the doubt kicks in and I have to start over again.
Any suggestions? | OCD |
I’m going to a psychiatrist or a therapist for the first time on Tuesday. Does anyone know if medicine will help, I’ve been struggling with OCD for 7 years and this is the first time I’m going to get some help so it’s kinda like my last ditch effort. I’m mostly pure OCD, but I do have some compulsive tendencies. Thank you! | OCD |
It’s great, it provides a great release. Yet the normal population hasn’t discovered it yet. Why not? Why is it something only autistic people instinctively know how to do? It’s not even necessarily for situations of extreme emotion. It works in any situation. Only thing is it’s not socially acceptable because the Normies see it as a sign of a condition rather than stress relief and mild exercise. | aspergers |
I was in an abusive relationship and ended up in a new good relationship after about 2 years. I really like him but I can’t get myself to get attached to him. I started therapy, earlier my anxiety used to remain high a lot and I would get triggered a lot. But now it is more of lowkey feeling which pretty much feels permanent where I try to stay detached. I don’t even know honestly what goes on in my head, I used to block all my thoughts now I cant access any. I started giving in to my anxiety and do whatever it told me to and I feel things have changed after that for worse. Idk what to tell my therapist since I cant identify my thoughts. She was talking something about NLP, has anyone has tried it? | ptsd |
hi, sorry, long post but i’m at my wits end and i need some advice. i have a disgustingly severe case of schizo ocd, and while i am in therapy, and i’m reassured time and time again that i’m not psychotic, i cannot seem to let this theme go for the life of me. I also have severe dpdr (officially diagnosed) which definitely does not help the situation. My biggest problem is that through hours and hours of extensive research i have gathered so much information about schizophrenia and psychotic illnesses that my brain continues to use against me, and my obsessions manifests as different symptoms of the illness (where i basically convince myself that i have every symptom i can think of, it’s been everything from hallucinations to anhedonia to disorganized symptoms). My worst obsession by far is delusions (i have obsessional and intusive thoughts with common delusional themes) and its gotten to the point where i almost can’t tell if i believe these thoughts or not. I’ve been through everything from persecutory to bizarre to nihilistic/existential ideas, and while i never fully loose my reality testing it almost feels like it’s weakening day by day. I guess what i want to know is: can ocd actually cause/mimic some kind of attenuated delusion (and other attenuated psychotic symptoms) like this? Should i keep going with my current treatment or should i seek help elsewhere. I’m worried i’ll completely loose my reality testing, it really feels like i’m about to fully loose it.
I should also mention that i’ve been dealing with this for about 7/8 months and these «borderline psychotic» episodes that i get come and go, like i’ll struggle for weeks but then suddenly i’ll have a few weeks where i feel more or less ok and these delusional like intrusive thoughts don’t really bother me. But then another episode comes and all my days are spent obsessing about psychosis. | OCD |
If it weren't for my kids I dont know what I would do. I honestly getting up everyday to provide for them. The rest of this world doesn't care about me but I care bout them so I'm doing what I can to be the best father I can. | depression |
I put this as a question but it's also me venting a little.
Anyone else try their hardest to avoid anything related to "oddly satisfying" videos/posts/topics because you can't trust that someone won't make an ocd joke? I find myself doing this a lot more nowadays and I'm wondering if anyone else does this too.
For example, one of my favorite YouTube channels uploaded a "synchronized parkour is oddly satisfying" video and I refuse to watch it cuz I don't want to deal with these people I highly look up to possibly making fun of a mental illness I've been suffering from.
I also refuse to watch any of the series of a specific game that my all-time favorite YouTuber has made due to this reason as well.
Anyone else have this feeling as well? Avoidance so that they don't have to deal with possible disappointment? | OCD |
So I come from a family that lowkey hates doctors so I have no idea how to go about finding some to test me for adhd. Now that I’m in college I thought that I’d just go a head and try to figure it out by myself but it’s stressful trying to and I end up giving up :// BUT this time I’m determined and I won’t give up!
Any advice on how to find a good person to test for adhd? | ADHD |
hi im new and also got diagnosed w ptsd a month or two ago, ive had it for a very long time at this point with constant panic/anxiety attacks and avoidance and ive come to realize its made me unable to be an adequate romantic partner so far ive had 2 like serious relationships and both of my exes have both described me as emotionally draining to them, ofc i took it to heart to try and work on it and thought i was doing fine and my recent ex(#2) it at least felt like we were communicating but it turns out she was holding back on saying or didnt realize how draining i was until recently.
i just honestly feel like im broken as a person and after childhood conditioning that im evil manipulative and twisted from my parents and older siblings alike i feel like ive emotionally scarred my exes and feel like i have to be alone and that my emotional burdens are now going to spread to my friends who i confide with and im going to lose them all as well. ive been crying for 3 days straight besides having to hold it together for work, i just want to be a good person.
i just feel rly alone and wonder if any one has felt similar and how to have patience and like not become.. an emotional burden like i am.. i did some more reading and it might be to do w fear of abandonment from emotional neglect? i am going to therapy but still figuring it out i just want to not feel alone on this
edit: sorry i forgot to mention i am a 20yr old lesbian, just for more context to my situation! | ptsd |
I'm not sure how many people here have any health related traumas in addition to misc other but I wanted to say... what we are experiencing right now globally is clearly not the norm for everyone. If you are feeling bad or sad or worried it is okay to reach out. Take care of yourself and spoil yourself and remember to smile if that makes you happy. | ptsd |
When I forget to take my meds or intentionally don’t take my meds my friends always think I’m high. I usually don’t take them on days I just want to have fun. If I have little to do and am okay with not being able to focus I won’t take them. It is a clear shift from a calm and collected version of me to an energetic vibrant crazy version of me.
I’ve had friends ask me if I’m on my meds when I’m not. They think of Ritalin as something that will give you unending amounts of energy and will spark your personality up because of the way adhd meds have been perceived and because they’ve abused adderall before and don’t have adhd. I’ll be doing something I think is funny and people will think I’m high. I get that when I don’t take it I do stuff out of character but I don’t like that it’s so out of character that it makes people question my mental state. One of my friends still thinks I’m lying and every time I don’t take it and he’s around me he just acts disappointed in me.
My adhd meds take away my personality and I feel like a robot. When I’m not on them I feel so much more social and so much more me. My mind races and new ideas pop up every second when I’m unmedicated. Conversation just comes so easy when I don’t take my meds. I struggle to focus when I need to if I don’t take my Ritalin. I will set my mind to focus on work and a couple minutes later I realize I’m doing something completely different and I hadn’t even realized I swapped over to do something completely different. I basically act like I’m high when I’m off my meds. In certain ways it’s similar to when people who don’t have adhd take adhd meds. I do crazy shit without thinking, have unending amounts of energy, and my moods go crazy.
I’m a very emotional without my meds. One second I can be on top of the world and the next I’m ridiculously sad and then I’m angry. Yesterday night I was listening to a song that made me ridiculously happy and then during that song all of a sudden I started thinking about how lonely I feel even with friends and family because I feel so alone in this world and nobody can change that. Then I went back to being happy. My adhd meds make me act normal but without them I’m so much happier with myself to the point where it makes people think I’m on something when ironically the version of me they think is sober is actually on Ritalin. I just love feeling my emotions and feeling like a person. The world is so much cooler when I’m not on Ritalin. Anything can be fun when I’m not taking it.
It just feels frustrating that I can’t just have my personality and the good parts of my medication but my adhd is a part of my personality. It makes me who I am but it sucks that it also makes me dysfunctional when it comes to focus and organization.
I guess you can say I’m high if you think of sober as your most functional state and a high as something that makes you feel good. | ADHD |
So I'm applying for my dream study once again. It is really hard to get in, they only accept 1-2 people per year and there is 3 rounds of creative projects, each involving 2-4 tasks, before even getting to interview. I have applied twice before and spent the last 3 years learning and developing my skills. I know it is hard to get in, but I'm not ready to give up. And I actually believe I could be able to get in.
The thing is, I'm experiencing a lot of RSD right now, making it nearly impossible for me to stay grounded, be creative and focus on my task, as my anxiety keeps telling me that I'm not good enough and should not even bother trying. Even tho everyone I've worked with in the field has been very supportive of me and I REALLY wan't to do it. I'm just stuck, anxious and keep coming up with reasons to procrastinate.
I am also suffering from PTSD-related depression right now, which does not exactly make my energy level, drive and time management any better. I just really want to let go of all this anxiety, as that is the major thing holding me back right now.
I know I'm able to do the task, as I've done some very similar before and I know where I need to prioritize my time and energy. I just feel like I have this big, glowing ball in my stomach screaming "NO!" STOP! YOU CANT DO IT!" or my head will spin away with excuses like "the task is stupid and not worth spending time on, as it actually won't reflect your skills and even if you did it, you would not get in, but just humiliate yourself". Which I know is not true, but it keep popping up and I can't calm it down. It has been a while since I've experienced self-doubt that was this disabling.
I have no idea why it is so bad this year. I have more skill and support than ever, I really want to do it and I really want to get to next round of application. I've been looking forward to this application all year, as it is a great challenge and a great way to discover myself and stimulate my creative skills. But I just feel so anxious. And then I get anxious that I am anxious and feel ashamed that I'm not moving forward, but just doing nothing.
Do you have any kind of coping strategies for this? Anything.
I need to talk to my therapist, but I can't get a time in two weeks and I only have 1,5 month to do the whole project and I'm also quite busy at work, even tho they support me and understand I need to spend extra time on this application right now. | ADHD |
Just wondering if this is an ADHD thing, I love having new experiences and doing fun things but I only feel like I get the benefit from doing them from having them as a memory. Like in the moment of the experience I'm not really present so I don't really feel the value of things while they're happening. But then once I get back I realise how much I loved it and get annoyed that I didn't make the most of it while I was there. Does anyone else have this? | ADHD |
Hello, I am a recently diagnosed ADHD 31 y/o female who has had ADHD Symptoms my whole life but as stated just recently diagnosed. My Psychiatrist prescribed 10 mg 2x per day of methylphenidate to see how I feel. She told me if I wanted to I could take half on the first day. Today is my first day and I took 5mg about 8:30 AM. I have had on and off heart racing and sweaty feeling. But also, been accomplishing projects that I’ve been putting off for months. I suddenly don’t feel so overwhelmed by my life anymore. (I’m a mom of 3 young boys) but I feel a little forgetful and nervous. I don’t know if it’s just being nervous about taking the medication or just feeling off because of the actual med. I’ve been cleaning and organizing but I don’t feel like I could sit down and read a book, it has me feeling a little bit wired. Is this normal or is this not the right prescription for me? I go back to her in 2 weeks to follow up and see if this is the right med or we need to switch but I can also call. Thanks so much for your help in advance. | ADHD |
I (41m) just had a full blown panic attack/emotional meltdown at work. I feel so fucking weak and helpless. It's like my entire life has been a joke. Nothing more than one huge trauma response. I've always been an attractive guy, but mentally I've torpedoed every potential relationship I've ever had with a woman. I don't discuss my feelings very well. I keep stuff inside. Hurt. Loneliness. Disassociation. Self medication. Hypersexuality. Low self esteem.
Six years ago I was diagnosed with PTSD and depressive disorder. I think I had CPTSD from a very young age. And I think I'm bipolar. Alcohol and drugs scare the shit outta me because most of my family struggled with that shit all my life. So I self medicated in other, more hidden ways. Food. Sex. Porn. I had a very good physical today. The doc at the VA told me I have good cholesterol levels. Good blood pressure. I've lost 35lbs through kettlebell training the last year.
Why has my mind declared war on me? Why does this dark visitor keep terrorizing me? Why can't I have a normal life? | depression |
If you guys are anything like me, my ocd revolves around lots of things. Though, the main one is usually googling everything (to put it shortly).
I found this subreddit and I feel it’s become part of it. Reading over peoples troubles and obsessions gives me a severe fear that I’ll somehow inherit them as well, but I can’t stop reading through it.
Anyone else? | OCD |
The title isn’t supposed to be a downer it’s just I always come back to the same conclusion that no one will ever understand my thinking nor will I theirs to a degree. Though it was in good nature, people that get to know me tell me that I possess a unique thinking process. But does it change the fact that I find myself punishingly separated from the the hive-minded masses of this planet? No. I wish I could have a people who could walk through my imagination and wonders with me but it’s only just myself. Is it just best to let things be, to just accept the fact that you are what you are? | aspergers |
Hi folks, I wanted to post this and see if anyone else has this problem. This is a throwaway account of sorts because friends know my regular one so sorry for the low karma, lol.
My depression is mostly managed by medication and I can function without too much sadness or anxiety in day to day life. However, many things make me deeply sad for a few moments.
I’ll often pass someone who’s homeless while driving, and my mood is just entirely ruined for probably twenty minutes because I know they’re suffering. If I see someone who’s older eating by themselves somewhere, if I see a advertisement for the ASPCA, or see something sad online. I can’t watch the news or read it because it will completely ruin my day. Earlier today I was upset for quite a while because of an argument my parents had.
Does everyone live like this? I often wonder if everyone else is just much tougher than I am to be able to see all this suffering throughout the day and still have a positive attitude. | depression |
While those with ASD might "appear" to prefer to be on their own, I don't think that is the case. Not sure if I can share this here, but found it reassuring especially at this time of year. [Loneliness](https://youtu.be/AHAwWAOgBJ8) | aspergers |
I’ve been on antidepressants for 4 years now and I’m about to finish college. I’ve had no traumatic events or reasons to be depressed. I just have extreme panic and anxiety attacks. I think about death and the meaning of life intensely a lot. I’m balancing my sanity. Lately I’ve been drinking a ton. It’s helped in the short term so much. But now I’m at the point where I feel as if I’m “distracted” from feeling sad. My only true mental state is despair. I use alcohol to take a break from what I’m feeling. But what used to be a break has turned into another self harming device that is extremely appealing. I used to drink just to feel better. But now there is a thrill to drink until I pass out. I think I’m hoping that I don’t wake up. I’ve been working out a lot for the sole reason to improve mental health. It’s helped but I’ve noticed that even though I go I’m still in a dark state afterwards. I’m extremely narcissistic and the only thing that keeps me going is others. I’m realizing that this is the last reason why I should hold on but it’s slowly fading. The weirdest part is is that I love to feel sad and flirt with death. WTF is wrong with me. I’m writing this as like a personal note for how I’m feeling this year. I’ve done this for 4 years now and my other posts are somewhere on here. Feels the same as day one. | depression |
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