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This isn't targeted at this specific community in general, just a generalization of ADHD communities that I've seen across many platforms. I've noticed that there's a lack of consensus in the ADHD community on what terminology we perfer and I think that a huge part of this stems from the fact that we don't have our own accurate and defined terms that represent our unique experiences with ADHD.
One term I'd like to talk about today is 'meltdown'. I've seen people with ADHD use meltdown as a way to describe the explosive and challenging behavior that we see in those with ADHD. I personally feel as if 'meltdown' doesn't properly describe my experience with it and I'd like to suggest a new term: eruption.
An eruption may be caused by executive function difficulties and other influences for people with ADHD.
The following six clusters of executive functions tend to be impaired in individuals with ADHD:
• Activation: organizing tasks and materials, estimating time, getting started
• Focus: finding, sustaining, and shifting attention as needed
• Effort: regulating alertness, sustaining motivation and processing speed
• Emotion: managing frustration and modulating feelings
• Memory: using working memory and accessing recall
• Action: monitoring and regulating physical activity
Some of the influences that may affect eruptions could be: environmental influences, such as people, place, and situation: inherent influences such as ability, change, energy and lastly learnt influences: identity, adaptive strategies and schemas. All of these may be reasons as to why a person may have an eruption over something in certain situations but not in others.
All of this would happen in the "magma chamber" of the volcano, or all of the internal build up.
Moving onto the "secondary vents", where these influences and issues with executive dysfunction may lead to anxiety, substance misuse, demoralizing and despondent feelings and thoughts. These things typically would happen before the finale of the eruption.
Then, after all of this build up and spills from secondary vents, the crator is created after the eruption of this volcano. All of the "lava" that comes along with the issues with executive function, hyperactivity, inattentiveness, and impulstivity may be angry outbursts, miscommunication, excessive talking, catatrophizing, arguments, rejection, speaking without thinking and recklessness.
Smoke that is caused during the eruption and may continue to affect the person with ADHD for a period of time afterwards may be black & white thinking, distractions and missing details, losing things, difficulty with remembering, perfectionism, hyperfocusing, avoidance or dependence, poor prioritization, poor money management, and fatigue. | ADHD |
Hi all, I’ve never really introduced myself to the community, I am a 28 year old female diagnosed and treated for inattentive ADD as of March.
I have a few great ideas I really want to see come to life. I can’t ignore them, but they are also things that I am not really trained in. I just graduated in 2020 with a BSc., and these personal project and business ideas are simply a result of my special interests and pastimes, and have nothing to do with what I’ve been training for.
I am constantly understimulated at work , it’s an entry level job suited to my degree, and the promises of it taking me somewhere seem too far away, and like they move further from my grasp everyday. Instead, I spend all day listening to podcasts that make me acutely focused and better informed on the ideas that I am having.
I just read an article that talks about how great people with ADHD are in entrepreneurship roles. I love the idea of being in control of my career in the way that a business owner is, and every dream career I’ve had is something I’ve made up in my brain and doesn’t exist (yet.)
What I really want to do next is map out the stages in my projects so I can plan for success, and gauge my progress. I’m not sure where to find resources on how to map it out though.
Thanks in advance to this community for any advice or comments! I welcome all the words! | ADHD |
i’m 22, and i’ve struggled from depression and anxiety with ocd tendencies and adhd since i was at least 15. However as a child i remember even complaining about feeling nervous and sad for no reason. after struggling with depression and anxiety for a while it became debilitating. i saw a therapist at 16 and was prescribed prozac. it literally made me feel bonkers, i had severe depersonalization, intrusive thoughts, harm ocd. i ended up in the er with a panic attack. i went on zoloft after that and it was helpful, it changed my life. i still had boughts eventually but i could function and felt normal finally. however in the past 4ish years i feel like it has not helped as much i struggle a lot with obsessive thoughts, negative thoughts about the meaningless of life, and thoughts regarding how i’m a broken person because of my mental illness. recently in the past few months after switching to lexapro i once again had debilitating anxiety. i literally considered checking myself into a psych ward because i really could not handle it anymore. i lost 10 pounds in like a week. i lost my appetite and could not function. i’ve switched back to zoloft and upped my does to 100mg. i take beta blocker for pots and anxiety, vyvanse for my adhd and klonopin as needed. i really thought that was helping but i’m back to where i was. feeling utterly lost and unable to enjoy my perfectly good life. i’m always worried that my life is meaningless, everything i do is stupid, and life in general is just scary and exhausting. therapy and medication has helped but i feel like i should not still feel like this. i thought this was a treatable illness but i’m feeling hopeless. please help. what has helped you guys? i’m serious about trying anything now. please don’t comment that u agree depression is hopeless bc i really do not want to hear that. | depression |
I've had OCD ever since I was a child. When I was early into puberty, I first stumbled upon the incest theme. I even remember asking my mom for sex (I don't know if this is a false memory or not though). I fortunately can control my impulses better now. But I do consume incest porn (not real incest). I feel horrible for the situation I put my mom in years ago and what I do now. I feel so horrible.
Just to clarify, no longer have any feelings towards my mom in that way. I'm 18 now, that happened when I was 10-13. | OCD |
So when I was 17 I was stupid and called CPS because my mom was negligent, emotionally abusive, and physically abusive. I was at my breaking point and needed help or I was going to kill myself and I was worried for my little sister. CPS didn’t do shit though and it just pissed off my mom.
Because of this my mom made me sit with her every day in the living room so she could call me a whore and a slut and a bad and ungrateful person who is ruining the family and hurting everyone and would threaten to beat me and get her boyfriend to come over to do the same since he was a state trooper and she wanted to show me that no one believed me that she was abusive and no one would help me. She also threatened to pretend to be me and invite my rapist to come to our house for sex. She never did but it was the scariest thing she ever did. She also made me watch this show called “Beyond Scared Straight” with her and told me that I was just like those kids and she was going to put me in it. She also would go off saying that I’ll never be a boy and other homophobic and transphobic shit because I’m a trans guy. Another thing is she would tell me to kill myself since I was suicidal and she thought I was just “being a little bitch”. She was only able to beat me one time during this that I remember because she had just had knee surgery and wasn’t able to get off the couch without help. It didn’t hurt like normal cause she wasn’t as strong after her surgery but she made my little sister watch and told her I was “getting in trouble because I’m a liar”. Seeing my little sister scared and confused and crying hurt worse than my mom hitting me.
This would happen for usually 2-3 hours every day for probably 3 months after I came home from school. It finally stopped when my dad let me move in with him to stay on his couch and finish high school until I could move out.
When I think back on it and remember everything I can, it feels like it was psychological torture cause she knew what she was doing and did it every day for 3 months until I escaped to my dad’s and it worsened my already super bad PTSD. But maybe I’m over reacting and it was just “normal” abuse. What do y’all think? (sorry if this doesn’t make a ton of sense, very triggering to write and i’m not super present) | ptsd |
I notice this thing I do, (not sure if adhd or not) I've gotten into the pattern of being so overwhelmed by my thoughts that I constantly distract myself. From the moment I wake up, I focus on waking up, getting ready for work, getting to work, working and such. And then when I get home I play games or watch something on my phone. I do this for hours. Distracting myself from my thoughts. It gets to the point where what I'm doing is the only thing I focus on and I'm not progressing in life. Does anyone know what this is? Does anyone else feel this way? I feel life is way to hard right now... | ADHD |
Hey all,
My wife and I have been together for about 3.5 years. She’s been diagnosed with contamination OCD since she was a child, and 90% of the time copes with it well. Since living together, I’ve learned how to adapt my routines to fit with what won’t trigger her.
We have a son who’s about 18 months old, and she has no problem when it comes to changing him, and she breastfed no problem, including dealing with his spit up.
In the last week, our son’s thrown up four times. He hasn’t had any kind of vomit or anything since he had spit up when he was being breastfed (maybe 9 months ago?). We’re not sure if it’s a virus or anything, if each time he’s thrown up, it’s been a one-and-done, and he’s totally okay health-wise the rest of the day.
The problem is vomit is probably my wife’s #1 trigger. When our son vomits, not only does she start focusing on cleaning absolutely everything, but I get incredibly nervous about making it worse.
For example, we’ll put the clothes he was wearing in a bag in the bathtub for her to wash later, and we’ll give him a bath in our other bathtub. But during all of this, I’m afraid that something like sitting down on a chair while still wearing the clothes I was wearing when our son threw up will contaminate the couch, even though I was in the other room when it happened.
When our son throws up, it immediately takes over the rest of our day as my wife focuses on decontamination and I focus on helping and watching our son. My wife is very particular about cleaning to the point where if I clean something, she’ll always need to clean it again, so it’s easier for her to just clean herself.
Does anyone have any advice for someone in my position? I’m looking for how I can be helpful when this happens again while also not getting in the way. | OCD |
I don't think things have to be as rigid as they are but the fear of rejection, abandonment, and damnation holds me in place. I feel pulled in different directions and one gives me meaning and some chains while the other gives me freedom and meaninglessness. I just want to be free of pain and to be myself but restrictive expectations from everywhere keep me in painful places and situations. | aspergers |
I've been trying to stop doing ocd rituals for weeks no and can't make any progress. Recently I've picked up one that makes me screenshot every mistake I make due to the fear that I might never see the original version of what I typed again. I am literally having extreme anxiety while typing this, also have a habit of taking photos of meals before, while and after eating them. How to I stop these? I've seen articles and people saying to just accept your fears or something but I do not know how to do that and how it helps me stop | OCD |
I'm 29, high functioning aspergers male. Looking for jobs sucks. They constantly use my lack of social skills against me. Even for jobs like walmart, they say I'm too socially awkward to be employable. I've been working since 21. I constantly find myself in the situation of management not understanding my disability and then I have to defend myself as to why I should keep my job vs them hiring someone else. | aspergers |
Seriously though, it’s not something that can be worked out like a formula. Is it a certain number of words per minute that you need to speak? Or a precise altering of asking one life question of them for each one that they asked you?
I understand things that are quantifiable. And it just occurred to me that part of the reason I’m all or nothing is because at least 0% and 100% *are* quantities. | aspergers |
Hey all. Curious how you all cope with false memories and what I call “validation OCD.” A good example of this is you’re writing on an online form (for a survey for instance) and the text disappears after you submit and you don’t get a copy. I have to take screenshots of the page to ensure that I did not write anything with errors, slurs, etc. or I can literally not function and only think about that. This is true whether or not I am taking medication regularly. In addition, I constantly have this worry in the back of my mind that I sent someone a lewd or unflattering message on a dating app while I was sleeping/unconscious and then unmatched with them so I have no record. It’s a constant worry I have even though I have no evidence to back the theory.
Does anyone else have this? What can I do other than wait a few days for the feeling to die down (and come to the realization that nothing bad happened or else I would’ve heard by now). | OCD |
Hello this post is about my current experience with dating while having OCD. Maybe the post will help you or maybe you can help me 😊.
I (21F) have OCD and I mostly suffer from OCD thoughts. I have been -almost daily- talking to a guy since may of this year. We met on Badoo, thanks to COVID-19.
I don’t have a lot of experience even though I am passed the age of 20:
- I have been on dates before
- I have dated one guy for a year but we eventually broke up due to the pandemic, living in two different countries (Netherlands and Belgium) etc.
- I don’t think I have ever truly been in love 💔
- I am STILL a virgin at 21. I know I am not the only one but it is an insecurity of mine.
Anyways like I said before, we met online and have been talking on a nearly daily basis. We are not exclusive yet (obviously)and we are both talking to other people but I am the most serious about this guy. We have had an online date ( I wanted to see if he was actually real) and tomorrow is our first IRL date!
Ever since we started talking my OCD has flared up (once again). I have a lot of negative thoughts and worries:
- What if he does not like the fact that I am still a virgin?
- Are guys on dating apps truly honest? Even if he says that he wants to be in a committed relationship?
- What if it actually goes well and I want to talk about exclusivity and monogamy? How do I do that? What if it goes wrong?
- How do I tell him I would like him to get tested before we are intimate?
- How do I tell him that I am not on BC yet so we have to wait a little before we have sex?
- How do I tell him I won’t have sex without a condom until he has been tested, I am on BC and we are exclusive? And if we do we will use pull-out as well.
- How do I tell him that I am still a bit scared to have sex without a condom in general? I am afraid of pregnancy
- How do I tell him I would prefer it if he gets tested before we get intimate?
- How do I tell him that if he does not get tested I will always use a condom for every type of sex?
- What type of contraception should I get?
- What if I still get pregnant using the copper IUD?
- What if something goes wrong using the copper IUD? How do I check the strings etc? What if I mess it up?
- What if he does not want to wait until I have birth control or am comfortable with the idea of having sex without a condom.
Etc, etc, etc.
As you can see I am obviously the queen of overthinking 👸👑
These thoughts and many more haunt me 24/7.
It is very very difficult to fight these thoughts even with all the tips and tricks that I use on a daily basis.
Maybe you would like to know more about the guy. Maybe you are wondering what kind of person he is/seems to be:
- on his profile he says that he is looking for a committed relationship.
- He likes honesty.
- He respects other people’s boundaries.
- He does not have a lot of experience with dating and no experience with relationships. He might be a virgin as well I don’t know.
- He must like me as well, we have been talking since may.
- He did not mind FaceTiming before meeting. He seems a bit more serious than most guys our age.
Anyways this has been my experience up until now. Tomorrow is our first true date.
I don’t know if this post was relatable or helpful in any way. Writing everything down did kind of help me sort out my thoughts.
If you have questions or you would like for me to do a follow-up, please send a message.
Anyways, good night (it is 01:10 AM here) 💤 | OCD |
Idfk. Like I can't speak to people. I'm sooo fucking dumb and worthless. Fuck. I'm so awkward to. Like I can't speak to people. I'm just such a weirdo. I want to be able to be cool and normal but I can't be for some reason.
My life is going fine. Still depressed. Life going bad. More depressed. Life going great. Still depressed.
I have no personality. On top of that I hate myself so fucking much that I act so dumb. Like idfk. I may never achieve any of my goals I might be school forever. I am too awkward. My life sucks. Fuck eww. I hate me.
Im borderline emotionless. Just doing shit and never really knowing what to do. I feel so fucking dumb christ. Life is mad | depression |
Trigger warning: talk about past sexual trauma.
The short version of the story is I was raped repeatedly while I was in the peace corps. This was 10 years ago and I never reported it. In therapy, I shared my feelings of guilt around not reporting and the fear that another volunteer was posted to my village.
My spouse encouraged me write a letter to the peace corps to report even though it was a decade ago. Even if they did nothing, it would help my feelings of helplessness. I am hesitant because it was so long ago and because I have blocked out many details including the rapists name. I can remember his face but not his name. How can i report someone when I can't remember their name? Brains are strange when they try to protect you. Anyway, I guess i am not looking for advice. Just trying to put my thoughts together.
thanks for listening. | ptsd |
Why not to be sad? Why not to be depressed? Why not to be anxious? Why care about well-being? I'm starting to believe those. Any solution? | OCD |
They seems to take me away from reality for 1/4 of a second and it’s super scary it feels as if I’m being sucked into my mind for that
Period of time, has anyone else has extremely aggressive intrusive thoughts before ??? Please explain your ones | OCD |
Hi, I’m wondering what I can expect after stopping meds. I’m finishing up finals this week and then going home for break on friday and plan on not taking my meds at all or atleast much less than normal over break, for tolerance and other reasons. I’m prescribed 1x 20 mg XR adderall and 2 20mg IR boosters a day. I typically take my full dose each day and have consistently since the start of the semester. I plan on feeling withdrawals as i’m certainly dependent on my meds, but what should I expect and any advice? Thanks | ADHD |
I'm trying really hard to manage until I see if my referral to CAMHS has been put through or denied and it's becoming hard to so I want to help myself, it's also a back up if said therapy doesn't end up working for me which I'm fucking terrified it won't do so it's always a backup until I can get back on my feet and get the help that works for me, so what advice or tips were you given by a therapist that really helped aid your ocd recovery? Like was there anything in particular they said to you to aid recovery? Was there anything else you also used to help you in hard times? | OCD |
Hey everyone. Like most people, from March 2020 to around July 2021, I was working from home for my job. It’s a very simple office administrative job, but being in the office everyday has been very hard for me. I started this position in January 2020, so I worked in-person for only a little bit of time before we went home, so the majority of my time in this position has been spent in my home office (which I loved). Now I’m forced to be back in person because of Florida politics, but Zoom meetings are still ubiquitous in my office. I’ve had ADHD my whole life, and had an official diagnosis in 2019. In a noise heavy environment, I’ve always struggled, but it’s gotten to a really triggering point in this job. I have to deal with listening to peoples overlapping conversations on Zoom, coworkers chewing gum loudly, typing loudly, opening/closing doors, loud conversations from down the hall & little things like the microwave beeping, clicking pens, etc. These all sound normal but the constant noises, especially happening all at once, really gets under my skin. It has gotten to the point where it brings me to tears & I have to leave. I cant do this all the time because I have a job to do, but it all really makes me wish I was still working from home to avoid this issue. I have airpods which I use sometimes, but I work pretty much in the front of my office so a lot of the times I need to greet visitors or provide directions and if I have the airpods in I can’t hear people coming or talking to me. Is there anyone here who can relate or experience the same kind of issues? If so, how do you deal with it? Thank you so much to anyone who can maybe help a little | ADHD |
I’m a 22yo guy, was just wondering what this sub is about. I found my mom hanging from a belt back in April and cut her down with a kitchen knife. How do I unfuck myself. I had insomnia pretty bad before due to prescribed amphetamines in high school, quit taking them in 11th grade, sleep issue persisted, it’s pretty bad now. I’m so fucking out of it damn near all the time. It’s interfering with my work. I have not been professionally diagnosed for ptsd but it is hard to get mental help to the tune of $100/hr. I’m in hell rn. | ptsd |
I'm taking a comprehensive introductory clinical psychology course at my university, a big reason I took the class is to learn how to better manage my own symptoms as well as knock out a requirement for my degree.
However, I noticed that in the massive unit that is Psychological Disorders, there is hardly a mention of ADHD other than the fact that it was all the rage in the 80's and the 90's but the focus has then shifted toward Pediatric Bipolar Disorder, and it's in a section about ethics claiming that Pediatric Bipolar Disorder is over-diagnosed implying that ADHD is/was in the discussion for being over-diagnosed. That's it, there isn't even a section in the book regarding ADHD as listed in the DSM-V.
Rationally, this shouldn't make me as angry as I am, but wow did it piss me off. This is an introductory course and there are entire section/chapters on things like anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, eating disorders, personality disorders which is fine; there should be but why the fuck is a heavily diagnosed disorder left out. 4-5% of all adults are diagnosed with ADHD, you sit in a room with 20 people and chances are at least one of them has ADHD. It is also widely known that most don't even bother with a diagnosis so that metric is quite low. Gee, I wonder why. Maybe nobody knows anything about it because nobody is teaching the subject. Apparently, it isn't worth talking about. Wow.
Was wondering how others feel about this? | ADHD |
My performance in work has been shoddy. No matter how hard I try, I seem to do everything wrong. I run reports with the wrong parameters, I put the wrong dates in correspondence, I add things up wrongly. It just feels like everything I touch gets messed up.
I spoke to my manager (let's call him Tom) and his manager (we'll go with Bill) at a meeting about 3 months ago. I explained that I was having difficulty with it all. I may have cried. They promised to give me any help I needed.
A week later, I was diagnosed with ADHD. I took the weekend to digest the news, then drafted an email to Tom and Bill on the Monday morning. I told them about the diagnosis, the medication I had been prescribed, the tips I had been given to deal with it, and how excited I was to think that I might actually become a properly functioning member of the team instead of a liability. It was a quite a personal email ('raw and candid', my husband described it as) as I was still feeling the initial heady relief of thinking maybe it wasn't all my fault, exactly. It included a request for help setting out a strict schedule for my work, telling me exactly what to do when. It helps in around the house to have a set list for every day, and I thought that having similar for work would keep me more focussed. No such documentation exists for my job, but there has been a management push for more documentation to be created for everyone's role, so it's something that sort of needs doing anyway; I just wanted help making sure I covered everything.
That day, Tom was out on sick leave. He didn't come back till last week. Fair enough.
Bill never replied to the email. I've spoken to him on the phone many times since and he hasn't mentioned it at all. I assumed that he was waiting till Tom came back to deal with it (he has extensive form for this).
Today, given that Tom has been back for a week, I emailed asking if I could expect a reply.
Bill replied saying that maybe he had misunderstood, but he hadn't thought it warranted a response. He said that if I needed any help, they were both willing to give it, or I could talk to HR.
I replied to apologise for the rambling nature of the email (bearing in mind that I had included about medication and other recommendations), but pointing out that in the third paragraph I had made a request for specific help. I didn't point this out, but said help wouldn't have been that time-consuming to provide, and couldn't be provided by HR because it's very specific to my job.
Bill replied to say 'No bother, just mind yourself, that's the most important thing'. He said nothing about the help that I had requested.
Tom hasn't replied to any of it, at all.
I feel so stupid, that I made myself vulnerable by telling them about the whole thing, but I thought they would actually give a shit. We had discussed my issues at the original meeting and they both seemed sympathetic and understanding, but when it came to it, my request 'didn't warrant a response'.
I just have to take the high road and forget about the whole thing, don't I? And accept that there will never be any support from that direction. | ADHD |
Hey all,
Quick back story. 26M, after 9 months of hell, I have finally been diagnosed with Dysautonomia. Basically my autonomic nervous system doesn't work as it should to balance things like heart rate, blood pressure, blood flow, hormones etc etc..
I've had to stop work, switch my study to online, and now I barely go out. My partner is very understanding, but I wonder for how long. These are meant to be the prime years of my life, and they are being taken from me. This isn't a fatal condition, but it severely impacts my day to day quality of life. I am on some medication currently, but it only helps certain aspects.
How do you guys keep on going on? | depression |
I can never fully appreciate a good thing that happens to me because I'm so terrified it won't be true or is just leading me on so it can drop me where it hurts harder. Every time I start being happy or content with something, or achieve something, when I least expect it something comes and ruins it. Most of the time I ruin it for myself. I'm so terrified of ruining things but I keep on somehow ruining every good thing that comes to me. I've learned to expect the worst. Now that I've been diagnosed I've learned at least not to blame myself, but I'm afraid this comforting diagnosis might go away. I live in fear of it, in fact.
Is this something any of you relate to? I feel like there are so many innate feelings that people with ADHD share for some reason. | ADHD |
I am plagued by dreams about my childhood home where my trauma experiences started. Does anyone else have the place of their trauma resurface like this over and over in dreams?
Sometimes the dreams are stressful and scary and seem to be connected with what I’ve experienced...but other times it’s just a regular old dream but it takes place at my childhood home. For example: The dream about work = staff meeting at the childhood home kitchen table.
Has anyone else experienced this? What does this mean?! | ptsd |
hate it cus im constantly looking for something to sate my boredom
even worse when u had something that made u forget but u finished that something so its back again
being bored of everything being a part of ur depression is terrible too
life sux | depression |
I feel like I just want to cry forever. I was so close to getting some good sleep which I haven't done in the last 5 days and someone woke me up to complain about my room being a mess. Like I get that it's a mess but I literally don't give a shit right now because I'm just trying to get through the day without having a breakdown. Every time I get bad again it feels worse than the last and I keep thinking whats the point in it anymore. | depression |
About a year ago I developed this fear that I will randomly decide to end my life or that I am destined to end my life I do not want to die ever but that is not the main obsession that bothers me the most.Around a year ago I got a random thought that I was just yank my eyes out of my face after hearing a story about a woman that did the same thing. Ever since the day my life has revolved around this obsession I am afraid 24 seven sitting in my room I don’t like being alone I feel tingling sensations in my arms telling me to do it but I don’t want to do it like it’s an urge an urge I have no desire to completeI am so jealous of the people that don’t constantly think about their eyes and if they’re going to rip them out or not this is legitimately sucking the passion and pleasure out of my life I have developed a drinking problem because of this I don’t know what else to do I am constantly living in fear of my own self and battling my mind 24 seven telling myself that I’m not gonna rip out my eyeballs but every single day every single minute I convince myself it’s gonna happen either now or later tomorrow or one day and it is one of the only things I think about this probably takes up 95% of my brain power and the other 5% is me obsessing about my boyfriend and what he’s doing. The last thing I would ever want to do is remove my eyes from my face but then why is it the only thing that I think about and sometimes I actually feel like it’s going to happen and then I have panic attacks over it my whole body goes numb I feel like I can’t breathe I feel genuinely terrified and there’s nothing even wrong I often think about human impulse control and why we don’t randomly just do these things and now I am convincing myself that I’m capable of this when I know I’m not someone please help me. I made another post about this but it was very long and I kind of rambled on it I am begging someone to please help me with this. | OCD |
What should’ve been one of the best memories of my life was a complete and utter disaster. I just had to fake a smile for photos with my son and husband while I was torturing myself mentally. Thankfully, the few family guests who attended had no idea just how much of a mental wreck I was the day of the party. I’m just so mad at this awful disorder for robbing me of these beautiful moments in my life. The last two weeks with my child have been so miserable all because of one stupid video I watched on YouTube that triggered a spiraling, snowballing shitstorm of “what-ifs” in my head. Fuck OCD and I hope to God my kid never inherits this awful curse. | OCD |
28 years old, and it really feels like I pissed my life away.
Long story short, last year was the absolute worst year of my life. I developed substance abuse problems (I was prescribed Xanax for anxiety, and got hooked, was taking 5 2MG bars per day), best friend of 15 years who was like a brother cut me out of his life, left the woman I was going to marry, and burned a lot of bridges.
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I turned into an emotional cripple. I didn't care about anything anymore, I didn't care who I hurt or how bad I hurt them. I was completely indifferent. I just wanted to be asleep as much as I could, and when I wasn't comatose from Xanax, I'd be drinking like a fish and smoking weed like a train.
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I've been clean off of Xanax since August, and although you would think that life would look better on paper now, nothing feels quite right. Sure, I'm in grad school, I've got a good job, but life just has no shine to it anymore. I don't look forward to anything because nothing really does anything for me anymore. I used to look forward to going out on the weekends, events, and such and now I just feel nothing when I participate in such activities. I keep thinking "If I just get \_\_\_\_\_ done, then I will feel fulfilled, happy, and like my old self" and it just never happens. I accomplish something whether it be getting in shape, making all A's for a semester, or landing my job, it all just feels empty. All of my friendships seem shallow too. None of them ever stick anymore, and none of them seem to go past much of a superficial level.
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Love, and sex mean nothing to me anymore. I get no enjoyment out of dating, in fact, I've grown to loathe it because I always feel pressured to perform sexually, and I just have no sexual desire whatsoever anymore. It all died when my relationship died.
​
Honestly in the past, even when things were at their darkest, I always thought "Yeah things are bleak now, but I'll bounce back. It's just a rough patch." It genuinely does not feel that way anymore. This time, it feels like there is absolutely no coming back, no more chances, no apologies, no making amends, no hope whatsoever. I feel like a walking, breathing, corpse. It literally feels like I died and went to Hell, and when I look at old photos, it feels like I'm just an empty shell of the person I used to be. | depression |
This explanation of how ADHD feels hit me so hard when I read it this morning. It’s from an article by the inventor of the bullet journal method, Ryder Carroll. Thank you to the other poster who shared the link earlier today. Here’s the excerpt:
“Having ADHD is like trying to catch the rain.
Imagine you’re in a small hut on a wide-open field. As the storm approaches, you prepare yourself to head outside and catch the rain, just like everyone else.
You step outside and your attention is drawn to the darkening sky. The first drops of rain fall. You catch one, then another. The storm picks up, and the rain falls faster. You miss a drop, then another. Soon there are so many things raining down that you don’t know which drops to focus on. Do you go for the ones coming from a distance, or the ones closer to you? The ones within easy reach, or the ones you can get in position for? The more you frantically deliberate, the more drops you miss. Still, the storm grows ever louder — then lightning strikes.
All thoughts vanish. There is nothing but you and the lightning. Then it fades, and you find yourself soaked, sinking into the mud.
You return indoors with the other rain catchers. They, inexplicably, seem dry. You’re met with disapproving, mocking, or pitying gazes. No one cares about your stories of lightning or how overwhelming the rain felt. That wasn’t the point. All they can see is the rain you didn’t catch. None of them seem bothered by — or even aware of — the impossibility of the task.
They go about their days, playing cards and reading books. They leave the storm outside behind. What they don’t understand is that for you, the storm never stops.
From the moment you wake up, the clouds gather in your mind. By the time others are getting ready, a million drops have already saturated your attention. The tiny bump on your leg, the fly by the honey, the crack in the table, the crooked smile, the smell of the air, the word, the touch, the joke, regret, chill, worry, salt, doubt, truth, light, sun, lie… and always the sound of thunder. Countless stories, countless moments, ceaselessly streaming through your mind. This is before you ever step foot into the maelstrom that is each and every day. The chaos only stops when lightning strikes.”
Full article here:
https://humanparts.medium.com/inside-adhd-55b9618cd708 | ADHD |
Probably goes without saying, but you can be an NT and find weird stuff listed here funny. No hate, just a fun little thread if you want to share some stuff.
As for me:
[Micheal Rosen's NO BREATHING](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1cfVQyrQ3Q)
[Sleepycabin stories and animated shit](https://youtu.be/vVWKyBd1_fk)
[YouTube Poops from like 2008-09](https://youtu.be/oEjWVg9dt_Q)
[EAT YOUR CEREAL KIDS](https://youtu.be/9Dbgi4JssYo)
[YOU COULDVE HELPED HIM, GORDON](https://youtu.be/66Po1QjJi4E) | aspergers |
Yesterday, I worked for 6 hours and then made my way over to the grocery store. Since I'm typically forgetful, I always make a list of everything I know I'll need and add extra things here and there while I shop. But no matter how organized I am, I tend to become overwhelmed and overstimulated in the grocery store. There's just so much to look at, there's lots of people around, there's announcements over the loud speaker, and the endless dinging sound when things get rung up at the registers. I was not at all looking forward to all of these sounds and potential encounters, so I decided I would put in some headphones and listen to some music. INSTANT GAME CHANGER.
Not once was I distracted. I was able to focus solely on the items I needed to get while also lending time to map out where in the store I was so I wouldn't get flustered and overlook any items in an aisle I may have just been in. Not only that, but I was less irritated with the people around me because I couldn't hear them or the announcements, or all of the other sounds that come with a grocery store visit.
As someone with auditory sensitivities who becomes easily distracted by noises, I will continue to do this for each grocery store visit moving forward and wanted to share this discovery. Maybe you already knew about this, but I sure as hell didn't and am very happy I found a way to help cope with the overwhelming feelings that come with a grocery store visit. | ADHD |
Can someone explain gambling?
I've come to accept my autism and I'm looking back over my life in that light and analyzing the "normal person" behaviors that have always confused me.
Gambling. By that I don't mean taking a calculated risk investing or betting on sports. Things like that involve statistics, facts, trends, number etc. I get *that.* That kind of thing makes sense to me. And sure, I understand the little thrill of winning at a raffle or card games or such. That's fun -- on a small scale.
But I can't understand truly gambling on things, like the Lottery or slot machines. Whyyyyyyyyyy?!? Why would someone do that with their money? I'll give a caveat here: I went to high school in Nevada. There were slot machines everywhere - grocery stores, lobbies, etc. The casinos were where you went for the best restaurants, stores and show venues. People would just sit there, cramming coins in slots for HOURS. I heard stories of lost mortgages and college funds. Again, whyyyyyyyyy??? "Winning" meant like, a few hundred dollars here and there -- not even breaking even!
I understand obsession, fixation, etc. I've struggled with these things my whole life. But "gambling" just breaks my logic centers. I don't understand any "risky" behavior really -- anything with low odds for marginal returns. It's ridiculous! I'm certainly not a prude, but the rewards simply have to outweigh the risks, or what's the point? | aspergers |
So i have depression for a while..and mine gf broke up with me and its only got worst..i rly dont know what to do..im rly trying i exercise i go for a walk every day im trying some stuff but its rly not geting better..
I drink antidepressants but they are not helping prob making it even worst..i dont know i just dont have anybody in mine life
I stoped going out for the last couple yrs..i just feel alone on this world..noting makes me happy and i dont know what to do..
Any tips idk.. | depression |
So I have intrusive thoughts about car accidents frequently. I’ve been told, “That’s a good thing”, “It keeps you on your toes”, “Drive like the other drivers are trying to kill you” (VERY UNHELPFUL), and even flat out “That’s not OCD, you should be like that.” | OCD |
I'm very good at listening and will try to help as much as I possibly can | depression |
So.....I got fired recently (a very long story). But after the obvious, my second biggest worry was "holy shit, I'm in charge of my own schedule *every single day* now". No structure? Terrifying! Add the fact that my ADHD partner also works from home, I was prepped for nonstop distractions from each other.
BUT! I've been putting the pedal to the metal and getting my shit together. I finally began selling my art on the side, and have had more time to work on a campaign I've been volunteering for. I've been making *spreadsheets*, y'all. And even remembering to update them!
And the other day, a friend said to me "gnarlywitches, I live for your organizational skills." No one has EVER said that to me in my LIFE. I was floating. I wanted to call my mom and brag that I told you so. My GOD, I've never worked harder to be this self disciplined, and I'm still figuring out how to balance a proper work/life schedule (there are still "I have a phone call and can't do anything else today" days), but I'm visibly keeping it together and it feels amazing! | ADHD |
I'm suspected to have inattentive ADHD but not 100% certain. Either way I've noticed this problem with being unable to linearly organise information in my head and output a logical summary? This affects me mostly at work where, if I am not prepared for a particular question, I'd go off releasing a convoluted stream of consciousness onto the other person. The other person is then confused. When crafting important emails (that end up A4 page long or longer) I often spend 1-3 hours continuously writing and rewriting, reorganising and adding/deleting content.
Whatever I put down is immediately followed by questions in my head such as "is this relevant? Is the receiver going to understand this without the knowledge of the wider context? Do I need to expand on this? Is this example easy to understand? Does it flow from what I previously put down? Am I sounding bitter? What about what Xyz said about this in a meeting a week ago - should I look at the problem differently? Wait, in light of what I just said - I have a new idea how this could be tackled - should I investigate it quickly before I sending this email?" etc.
I don't know whether this sounds to you like ADHD or some spectacular confidence problem? Or is it normal to have this at work? BTW even less important emails can take me a while to restructure as I constantly worry I'm not making sense or making careless mistakes.
Any suggestions welcomed as well as your similar experiences. Also what helps with this type of thing?
Just to add, the emails I do end up drafting often get praised for being really clear, precise and logical - seemingly complete opposite of how I relay information ex promptu! | ADHD |
I had to drop out of school my junior year because I couldn’t handle the format of school and it was severely damaging my mental health. Now I would be a senior and I’m planning on doing the GED when I turn 18 (state laws) because I’ve always been good at taking tests but horrible at everything else school related. My mom for some reason decided my entire extended family I haven’t talked to in years needs to know that I dropped out and they’ve all been so condescending and irritating about it. One of them said, “How can a girl who is so smart be so damn stupid?” because I need to take the GED and can’t do a school program to get the full diploma. It’s frustrating that they all seem to think I can just turn off the ADHD when it would be convenient for me | ADHD |
Anytime I watch a news story about or interact with someone who is a minority or oppressed group, my mind runs wild with hateful thoughts, slurs, and toxic ideology. I'm constantly scared that I'm either going to say something racist/homophobic/misogynistic/ableist or my brain is slowly dragging me into a racist/homophobic/misgoynistic/ableist pit that I won't be able to climb out of. I want nothing more than to NOT be a bigot, but my brain keeps feeding me hateful thoughts and I can't really tell the difference between my own thoughts and my intrusive ones.
This was all made worse by the fact that I had a bad experience with an oppressed person a year ago which ended in them calling me out for saying/doing something harmful and ever since then I can't get the idea out of my head that I'm destined to be a harmful person to oppressed people. I keep feeling a compulsive need to apologize to this person and make the situation right so that these thoughts can stop, but I don't think that'll really be as effective as I imagine. | OCD |
Did some research and talked to a therapist and I’m fairly certain I have some mild OCD, but I feel like some things I do now are me trying to prove it to myself. Like I have some compulsions that I can’t quite help, some others that I could avoid but then I would be anxious. My obsessions are pretty constant but I just really feel like I’m faking this even though I have no reason to fake it. My obsessions and intrusive thoughts have always been worse than my compulsions. My compulsions are pretty timid, which just makes me question myself more. Anyone else? | OCD |
Does anyone else get bad headaches/migraines and have to go through a whole list of different things that could possibly be causing them to see if you forgot something? As in forgetting to eat, sleep, hydrate, etc. Then, if there are multiple things that were forgotten, go down the list and do the things trying to see which is the "main" cause and lessening the pain? | ADHD |
Hello my friend has been recently diagnosed with OCD, we’re close but not the “talk about deep stuff” close. Hes come to me about how he’s been diagnosed with OCD, hes cisheterosexual and also Christian. He tells me that he doesn’t have the “orderly and neat” stereotype type of OCD, but rather he feels high levels of stress sometimes, but other than that he doesn’t tell me much about his symptoms. He has told me that as a religious person songs like LilNasx’s Montero Can trigger it.(as a gay person it’s a little upsetting but obviously that’s fine). What I’m worried about though, is two things. 1. The negative effects sexism against women has on men that make men’s mental health a taboo which makes me worried hes ashamed of his condition. Or 2. Although he’s religious and strongly believes in that stuff, he might have religious trauma from probable fear mongering in his church. I do not know enough about OCD to know what the cause is, and I don’t wanna stress him out by pressuring him if I ask. Again we’re not “talk about deep stuff” kinda close, but I wanna help him. Not cure his condition obviously, but tell him he can be comfortable to talk or know he doesn’t have to be ashamed. I wanna know how to help and be there for him.any info on OCD helps. | OCD |
This is our conversation:
**NT-GF:** “Hope you’re having a good day!” (At work) “love you 😚”
**ME:** “Thanks! You too!”
**NT-GF:** “You haven’t said I love you back twice now lol.”
**ME:** “I said you too! Are you serious haha?”
**NT-GF:** “Yes. It’s fine though.”
**ME:** “I’ll talk to you about that later. But in short, For me, I love you is an acknowledgment, a gift. For someone to need someone else to say it is to say that they don’t know that it’s there and so they need to be reminded of the reality. Our love should be so strong that we don’t need to express the feeling in words because the feeling is felt. Do you understand my philosophy?”
**NT-GF:** “Yep”
**ME:** “When I was growing up, I got tired of saying I love you. It’s something people say too much, and it loses value. It being said less didn’t make me feeling weak because the love was there. I was like, you’re my mom of course I love you and sometimes she would get really really upset if I didn’t say I love you and would make me say it, pledging that I was disrespectful if I didn’t. And for me, love is magic. the relationship between a mother and her son should be felt without the word. Or the relationship/connection between partners.”
**ME:** “At one point I just stopped saying it. I even stop saying good night. Because I started realizing that I didn’t even know why I was saying what I was saying. I mean “what does good night even mean”? What if it’s a torrential downpour outside? Is it still a good night? But that’s just how my brain works, and why I am excited to share how it works.”
(Recently I shared information for the first time in 7 months about aspergers which I promised to show her)
**ME:** “I’d love to hear your response over text and/or later.”
**NT-GF:** “Saying I love you is normal. I like to say my I love yous to my friends and family. You never know when it could be your last chance to say it to someone! It also makes me feel good when someone says it to me. So that makes me think that when I say it to someone, it makes them feel good too. Usually it does.
This is the problem that I have with the way you think of it.. it makes you seem selfish when you don’t feel like it’s necessary to say it back or say it at all because it’s something you already “feel.” I feel bad for your mom. She was probably really hurt by you not saying it back to her. This is actually really hard to explain because I’ve never had to explain this to anyone. I feel like I could explain my issue with how you think of it better over the phone.”
**NT-GF:** “I love you doesn’t lose its value just because you hear it a lot. If it’s something you already feel, why would it be a problem hearing it?”
**How do I explain what I go through and why saying I love you too much makes me nervous because people become dependent on the word as an acknowledgment of the feeling, rather than there being meaning in the feelings to begin with?**
(Also another issue is that when I am tired, I lose a lot of my executive functioning, so words that I would normally say become shorthand because I am burnt out, but it’s mainly the philosophy that bothers me) | aspergers |
Hi all. First I want to acknowledge that I am not of the community (at least with this part of my identity; I am sure many of us are in community together given the Intersections of our identities). Second of all, I want to preface this with saying I apologize if I use any ableist or problematic language. Please do not feel the need to educate and also do not hesitate to let me know if you want to.
For years I have suspected my partner is on the spectrum/has Aspergers. So many signs. And my therapist abruptly asked me if he did without me mentioning it after talking about communication and conflict issues he and I have. Honestly, I don’t want, expect, or need him to change at all. There’s nothing to change. He is who he is. We worked on a lot together snd in general have a ton of fun. I adore him. At one point we went to couples therapy , but the therapist didn’t say anything but she doesn’t have a background in understanding autism or PTSD (I have PTSD), so ultimately not a great fit after months of therapy. My individual therapist did though which is why she mentioned it. The reason I’m reaching out is because our argument and misunderstandings are getting exhausting. They aren’t constant but when they happen they are defeating. And there is a cycle between the two of us with my triggers (I’m in therapy snd have worked through a lot but our arguments can b v triggering) and the miscommunication. I have never said anything to him about aspergers because it’s not my place and I don’t want to change him and can’t diagnose him. I’ve done the online test for him based on what I know (which isn’t the same snd not accurate of course) and it’s always around 30-34. We both carry our weight differently in the relationship, and it works out so nothing feels like a burden snd i love what we’ve worked it out. However, the miscommunication during arguments is so hard for both of us and I think at least considering Aspergers or talking about it would be helpful. Reading articles and listening to podcasts about partners in neurodiverse relationships helps a lot. I had never felt seen or understood until I started diving into it the support and also started using some tools—which worked because I was also working on myself too. I also feel like an ass and untruthful thinking about this and diving into it behind his back. But my rationale was I’m just trying to find tools to help ME, not to change anything about him.
Anyway, all that said, how do I broach the topic? He’s very open. However, i don’t want him to get defensive or upset. He went to therapy early in the relationship for a few sessions and they told him he had social anxiety. He now won’t go back because he says he doesn’t need it. Therapy isn’t for him. And I just don’t know what to do because I know finally hearing i have PTSD was so freeing and helped me understand myself. And it made our relationship better. Should I broach the topic? How if so? I’m at a loss. In moment, I sometimes feel so misunderstood, invalidated, exasperated, confused/at a loss, and seen as a monster attacking him. And I see him as crass, only seeing black and white, focusing on the patterns and process of the argument, and like a brick wall. That’s in the heat when we are upset—we don’t actually feel that way. And we both always feel bad, and work it out. But it’s just so. Incredibly. Exhausting. Thanks everyone. | aspergers |
Do you ADHD guys feel your dopamine “levels” like literally dropping sometimes ? I personally feel a weird feeling of imbalance several times a day which I could relate to this but I’m not sure at all (I’ve had it since childhood it’s like I’m eaten by a dementor in Harry Potter for at least 15-30 seconds then it “goes up” again, I also noticed the effects are stronger when I have caffeine in my body)
If you know what it could be 🤷🏻 | ADHD |
When I try to focus more on study or work, I forget about my daily life tasks like working out and house chores.
I have even thought that maybe I want to ruin myself as a reward of getting 'productive' things done. I eat sweets too much instead of proper meal and don't feel like going to gym even though I like it when I'm not working.
I want to keep the balance between this base routine and my main "job". But I have never succeeded. It was always either the one or the other.
Is there any tip to keep them properly?
(Sorry if some sentences are broken, I'm not a native English speaker.) | ADHD |
Hi! I am 17f.
Since I was young I have struggled with many anxieties, many that were abnormal.
At the ripe age of 9 I would get anxiety if my backyard gate didn’t shut the way I wanted. My stepmom and dad would ignore every anxiety symptom I presented with. Yet things got worse.
I developed an ED at 14, and since my anxiety had gotten worse. It started with my breathing not feeling right when I fall asleep and then panicking if my swallowing felt off. I start to panic and think i’m going to suffocate. I’m not going to list all symptoms because I am not trying to get diagnosed.
My mom is a diagnostician and since I was younger would never let me see a doctor to figure out if I had OCD because my room was messy and I didn’t fit in the “OCD box” as I wasn’t “anal” about my space being clean and overly organized. She still told me it wasn’t a possible diagnoses despite the fact that ED’s and OCD often go hand in hand. (I know that isn’t always the case <3)
I live in a rural area and I would need her to drive me to the doctors because I don’t have a car and I would have to lie about the reason why I need to see a doctor. Is it honestly worth it lying to be able to get assessed?
Is there actual treatment for OCD? I don’t want to be dishonest with her but if there is a treatment for this anxiety, I want it.
I don’t want to google because self diagnosing is not the path I want to go on.
I’m just curious as to what treatment looks like, if it exists.
Thank you for your time!! | OCD |
Today I am at my worst, I have been diagnosed with borderline, and my therapist said that in 4 years of therapy he noticed some symptoms of OCD, and while I am pretty ok with my borderline related problems I have no freaking clue of how manage my OCD symptoms which I had maybe from 7 years old, I have PTSD too and I swear it's like I bought a ticket for hell. | OCD |
I try my best to be a kind person, but I find that I sometimes have a short temper, and I've ended up saying very mean things to people that I love, which I of course regret afterwards. Does anyone else with OCD experience this? | OCD |
i got a boyfriend now. and he’s the first person in a long time that i’ve been able to be open about my trauma with— my last girlfriend turned my traumatic moments into things that turned her on, and it’s been fucking with my head for the last year.
and he’s supportive of it. he’s so supportive. he reminds me to take things slow, he’s patient with my panic attacks, he’s calmed me down from several already and has reminded me that everything’s okay.
i’m just worried that my ptsd will be too much for him. he knows about it and what’s happened to me, and i know it might just be my ptsd telling me that i don’t deserve anything, but… i’m so scared. i’m scared of losing the first person in a long time to make me smile without trying. | ptsd |
So much of what I've suffered was my fault... but just as much of it wasn't. I don't know. Listening to songs that artists write about successful relationships or loving parents always bring me to tears. Why couldn't I have that?
Knowing that others have it worse than me makes me feel even more hopeless because goddamn life isn't just unfair for me, it's unfair to fucking everyone. | depression |
I'm a little over a week into taking Atomoxetine, now taking 2 40MG capsules a day, and this med is absolutely kicking my ass so far.
I get hit with significant, rippling nausea that lasts for hours and is especially bad if I don't eat. The brain fog is intense, and I feel like I can only be bothered to crawl back into bed and go into app-scrolling trances for hours. My muscles and joints feel lethargic, and I'm finding myself looking around my apartment doing little reality checks of my surroundings. Just really feeling caught in a zombified state at the moment.
Does it get better over the span of a month? I have caught a slight coughing bug that came with some sick feelings, and I think its effect is compounded with the meds. I really feel I should bring this up to my doctor when the time comes to get back on Adderall, which I haven't taken in several years. This doesn't seem like a sustainable treatment at all for me.
Really interested if anyone else had similar results. | ADHD |
it’s was only our third visit but i told her everything that was currently going on (a LOT) and i didn’t feel like i was bothering her with my issues, i felt like i was genuinely being listened to and i felt like we are actually connecting/building a relationship. she’s the only person i’m able to confide in. the only downside is they only allow 5 appointments per semester (she says she’ll allow an extra appointment if i need it) | ADHD |
Hi friends, I hope you’re all doing well today!
I have three major traumas in my life, and was told that EMDR could work. However, since February I’ve been having severe breathlessness (which the GP thinks could be developed asthma from COVID, or I guess anxiety!). So I can’t do my usual things to calm down, like exercise or going out for a coffee (ofc with lockdown not many of us can!).
How can I calm down enough to get EMDR? Should I try antidepressants or wait for a spirometry test and maybe get asthma inhalers? I just feel so lost! I have a clinical psychologist who thinks it’s physical so she’s a bit lost too (I also spoke to my old psychologist who thinks it’s physical but I’m not sure anymore!)
Thank you | ptsd |
I've had ADHD for as long as I can remember. My parents got me on vyvanse in highschool, but I really didn't like the side-effects so I'd only take them 1-2 times a week when I needed to get a lot of work done (after procrastinating of course). As an insomniac, it can often take me days to "recover" from one dosage (i.e. it ruins my sleep schedule and I end up tired for the next few days).
I'm now in my 20's running my own business, and it requires doing a lot of things I find extremely boring -- which are the tasks that literally take me months to do because I procrastinate them. I can try going back to spot-treatment though I'm not sure how effective it'll be.
Do you think I should give a real shot at taking stimulants every day? Atleast for the next year or so while I try to grind it out. I'm always very skeptical of being too reliant on a drug as strong as these. Additionally, as mentioned before I have a pretty bad sleep schedule and it varies a lot throughout the week, so if I wake up 4 hours later one day and the vyvanse is supposed to wear off at the end of the day, well now my sleep schedule is perpetually 4 hours later unless I alter my dosage or try for a "hard reset" | ADHD |
I hate myself so much, I hate myself so deeply. I hate it when someone asks me why, isn't it clear?
I'm a bad person, if anyone knew me as I know myself they would feel the same way.
And no, honey, my self-hatred is not unjustified, I don't deserve your fucking sympathy, because, you know, I'm a shitty person.
But don't worry! This shitty person will be justly condemned by me, because I'm the only one capable of doing it.
Will you be able to trust my self-righteous suicide? | depression |
When I was younger I was usually put into classes and camps with kids in wheelchairs with permanent disabilities. They used to talk about going to Wal Mart or the Grocery store with their parents and see people with no visible disability using the handicapped parking space.
"Well how do you know that they aren't handicapped?" one might ask. Sure you never really know. But people lie for attention and game the system all the time. A lady at our work had borderline personality disorder , was fired for fraud , and now claims to be on the spectrum based on claims of anxiety.
I've started to find youtube videos of daily vloggers where they seem to be pretty neurotypical in their videos from 5 years ago and now they are trying to mimic traits that they think an autistic spectrum person might have on their favorite TV show.
In the last 3 years I've seen Youtube Videos where the "spectrum" has widened its umbrella, changed most of its definitions, and allowed pretty much anyone to come in. Most of those things are ok. But what makes me uncomfortable is people speaking on behalf of autism that have nothing in common with the majority of us who were diagnosed and dealt with this for 20+ years.
It seems like people are chasing to get this diagnosis so they can use it for social media points. And even doctors and specialists in the system who are creating the criteria for these diagnoses , they don't seem to have people from the spectrum involved with the agreements of what does and does not constitute.
I see so many people saying " i had a hard time concentrating and got anxiety in social situation" as the criteria for their doctor diagnosing them with autism. For starters a ton of people that suffer from autism don't have any social anxiety. Sometimes it's the exact opposite. They're so extroverted they make other people uncomfortable.
I guess the issue is that people on the spectrum do have significant needs. And typically there are issues when you have unethical people seeking attention taking away the time and resources that are limited for us. Including the time and awareness that our issues need as well. Bad actors are bad in any type of situation. | aspergers |
Every single day nobody cares about me. I try to take peoples advice but it's not working..i get friendzoned. I'm so lonely it makes me want to end myself like damn. | depression |
I woke up yesterday morning, gasping for air wondering where I was, what this strange place was, when my parents were coming back and what they would do to me when they did. I could hear their voices, and that feeling of fear and sadness and knowing how little they wanted me at that moment overwhelmed me. I snapped out of it as my alarm went off but I could still hear them in the back of my head, the yelling, the laughing at how scared I was and making fun of me for wanting to be loved. That overwhelming sense of dread and sadness..... it was a flashback, but at that second all it felt like is I was drowning. I was back to being that six year old little kid who was scared of who was going to touch them next, who was scared of being hit and thrown across the room, or worse my mom maybe taking her pill and going to hug me before she remembered how much she hated me and pushing me away.... never mind the sexual abuse, never mind the physical abuse... the worst part of child abuse is the mental abuse. Being locked in a dark room for most of your childhood with nothing in it, sneaking during the day to collect dryer lint so that I could pretend that they were my friends since I had no toys. Playing with the ant in the window seal because she might love me and that being deemed to much for me and it being squished, sneaking out to bury her in my bug cemetery because I was so sad and thought everything deserved to be loved and remembered. Crying myself to sleep every night wanting to die or better yet wake up and have a mom and dad that wanted me. The even worse part of it all is how it follows you into adulthood, as here I am a young adult collecting toys, stuffed animals, trying to give myself this childhood I never had, but at the end of the day I know it’s gone, grieving the lost of this child who all in all I mentally still am, Parts of me grew up really quick, the others never did and maybe never will. Being jealous of everyone that has a parent or parents or just a family and feeling horrible after just at the thought. All that’s left of me is a broken girl who never had a shot, and I’ve been telling my story finally to people, trying to get professional help, trying to survive. And it’s so so hard. I made it through hell, shouldn’t it be better now, why is it so hard? | ptsd |
It's about learning how to drive and maneuver the racecar.
I have spent a lot of days and evenings out with low-life friends (who were actually acquaintances) wanting to fit in and meet people. I'm mildly on the spectrum. I do not have any problem meeting people and initiating conversations with them if they look interesting and I want to see what they are about. I have made a lot of lady friends and buddies this way and kept a contact (fb, ig, numbers). Of course, there were plenty of unsuccessful adventures which we can call experience instead of wasted time.
A challenge can be knowing when to move along in in-person scenarios since my Ferrari will want to cover more ground with friends or new people, yet they have their own duties and desires to get on with. So most of the times, it's fine and I'll give a farewell gesture and or a seeya phrase. However, there is occasionally a little nag where I'm still thinking about them and it flows into my succeeding adventure. There may be a few thoughts of "did I take too much of their time" ,"was I hovering", "did I make them feel strange" lol anyway...just minor trifling thoughts overlapping into wherever I go next.
On the plus side, I do meet a lot of intriguing and talented people and I love people. I care about people and I wish the best for people and their work, (or as I like to call it, "areas of expertise"). I also have ambitions for myself. Therein lies a dilemma. I feel like sometimes I may spread myself too far and wide with persons I care about. Every so often, I rank people in my Ferrari in terms of most like to see asap, ladies I want to date/spend more time with, friends I want to collaborate with, classic friends I have to check in on if it's been a while, old friends who I realize (probably late) may not care about me much anymore although I still love them, family who I have to stay up to date with...the ranking system goes on and on.
\*Revision\* {Tangent} \[I can forget to focus on networking with the intent of making money, finding professional opportunities, etc. Most of my work, I will get recommended by someone and I follow up on it. My work involves events or artistic creations. Otherwise, I am just creating for myself and I haven't really created my own thriving business yet although it's been improving lately. I'm not in financial hardship and I like to have fun, so distractions interfere.\]
That dilemma can be a small to medium concern because almost all casual connections, close friends, and family know about my fantastic and capable self. I am an artist and am recognized for my skills and achievements. I can get laser focused in my Ferrari when working, training and refining. I impress and (not often enough) entertain strangers. I sometimes feel like I should be way farther ahead in my professional career and then I can switch to thinking I'm doing really well (reminding myself to be patient). Recently, I started to believe I may very well be built for the significantly long run as I take good care of myself, especially eating-wise and in avoiding certain harmful elements in recent years. (I'm also having renewed confidence to plan on picking up new skills to broaden my arsenal, so to speak.) I had a harsh reality and an enlightening breakthrough in 2018 and earned a degree with certificates from a college institute. I'm understanding myself more and knowing better who I am and what I can do. It's fascinating how we can use our Ferrari/Lamborghini/Porsche/Maserati to plan ahead and propel forward when we can remember so many younger versions or ourselves and recall many past experiences and moments in detail. We must choose. All we have to do is decide and act.
have a beautiful day/month/season/year/decade/life | aspergers |
Hey everyone so back in April 2020, I made a fake only fans of another girl I was gonna scam people to make money because I needed money for college . I KNOW THIS WAS BAD. so I think I backed out of it at the time and thought it was stupid. and I went to log into it recently and the entire page and notifications etc etc was blank besides the profile picture . But I convinced myself I posted nudes of me on there . And I’m very scared .
I do have a boyfriend so this is why I’m scared . | OCD |
Hi folks, I’m puzzled. I’m Male, 25, working full time in IT, and going to school as well. My life is pretty busy.
I’m trying to learn to connect with my ASP roommate, Male 30, better. He works doing delivery food and package delivery, and has aspirations on starting his own YouTube channel. He’s a very talented creative - voice acting, comedy, etc.
He and I have been friends for 2-3 years awhile and I moved in about 6 months ago.
He wants for us to stay connected and I do as well, but while I enjoy doing things with him, it seems at some point when we just talk for awhile, he devolves into a ball of stress and starts rambling on about the world, politics, and his general fears about where everything is headed in the world. Soapboxing as he calls it. He doesn’t seem to want to discuss it, unless I will agree with him. (Which I don’t always) So I listen. But then he seems to be frustrated that “we don’t connect/you shut down” And to my way of thinking, his thought processs seems so scattered I can’t hardly follow what he’s saying.
I want to listen and I want to help. But I see myself in either of two roles. Either I can listen and just nod my head wisely or I can engage with what he is saying. When I engage, I frequently feel like I metaphorically get my head bit off.
I enjoy logic and friendly debates, and that may contribute to my reception when I do engage. But someone nearly always seems to misunderstand each other. Or often he will say something that cuts deep - I don’t think he means to, but it happens not infrequently. A common one is when I can’t follow his very associative train of thought or I ask what he means, he’ll sometimes say, “You’re smart, you should know what this means.” That doesn’t help and I feel hurt/dumb and sad that we can’t seem to connect/communicate better. Another tendency I think I’ve noticed is a tendency to verbally lash out at me if I disagree with him, even on small things like me wanting us to save money by buying cheap dishwasher soap vs the expensive name brand stuff that he won’t seem to stop having us buy and split the cost for. Sure, it’s a small thing, and if it’s that big of a deal to him, I don’t care. But I got treated like an idiot for bringing home a cheap store brand before I knew it bothered him.
Or if I just smile and nod during his freakouts, his stress eventually boils over to me. I know may help him feel better to vent but there is only so much I can take. I struggle with anxiety and I have a limit before enough is enough. But then he’s asked why I’m quiet and I shut down. From reading the wiki, I feel like this may be his version of a meltdown?
I want to help and I want to be a good friend and roomie. I just need to not be overwhelmed by his stress, deal with his unintentional insults, and establish better lines of communication. And this is even more confusing because I am typically good at understanding people, but I feel like that with him, all my pattern recognition breaks and is completely ineffective.
If you read all this, thank you!
In summary,
How can I be a good roomie?
What can I reasonably expect from him?
Is there anything based on this that I should start/stop doing? | aspergers |
I’ve suffered from inattentive ADD for as long as I could remember, I didn’t know much about ADD but I knew I had trouble reading, studying, and procrastinating. I never got it diagnosed. What i didn’t know was that throughout my whole life I was suffering from other symptoms of ADD without knowing it was ADD. I had severe memory problems, I couldn’t remember plots of movies I’ve watched several times, I never had “favorite Tv show, movies, songs” because I couldn’t ever remember any, I had no motivation to do anything if it was for myself, like cleaning, cooking, showering, organizing. But if it was for someone else or if someone else was with me I could do these things. I couldn’t watch tv, movies or listen to music by myself because I couldn’t think at the same time and I’d get anxious, I’d rather sit in the dark in the quiet. My apartment when I finally moved out was a mess all the time, I couldn’t get myself to clean, and when I knew I had all these things I should be doing instead to be productive, I got overwhelmed and I’d do nothing instead. Even though I knew that I would have to do it eventually I just couldn’t do it. I’d drop something on the floor and I wouldn’t even pick it up. If I had an event to go to or a task I had to do or an appointment, I could only do that , I couldn’t schedule more than one thing a day because it was too much. I would come home from work and lay in bed scrolling through my phone for hours, knowing I need to sleep for the next work day but I couldn’t, I just needed to keep scrolling and time would fly by so fast and I’d get a quick 30 min nap before work and regret that I wasted so much time. On my days off I couldn’t move, I’d wake up thinking I’d be productive today and work out, I’d get dressed , turn the workout program on then think to myself “I’m pretty tired, maybe another 30 min nap” and end up sleeping the whole day. I’d always feel groggy, exhausted, lethargic no matter how much sleep I got.
I saw a lot of different primary care doctors and they all said I was depressed, vitamin d deficient, they’d start me on antidepressants and I end up feeling worse than when I started, numb to all feelings, not sad but no longer happy or excited. So I stopped.
33 years of this and I finally had enough, I looked more into ADD and found that I was textbook inattentive ADD. I saw a psychiatrist and she thinks I’m depressed, because I had good grades in elementary to high school, but I worked so hard to get those grades. It only got worse as the years went by and I feel like there is no way I can go back to school to continue my education.
The only time I feel normal is at work, i work as an ICU nurse and the work environment is ever changing and different every day, people rely on me so I can function properly, but once I clock out and it’s time to take care of myself I can’t.
My psychiatrist is hesitant to start me on stimulants so she started me on Wellbutrin first and had me get an EKG. Wellbutrin is an antidepressant that is an off label treatment for ADD, I’ve been on it for almost two weeks and I feel the worst I’ve ever felt . I didn’t feel depressed before but after taking Wellbutrin I feel sad, the things that used to excite me and make me happy I feel nothing. My boyfriend I was head over heels for, I’d be so giddy and happy to talk to him be near him and now I don’t even want to talk to him and I don’t feel like I love him anymore but I know in my mind I do because I remember the way I felt before taking the pills. My baby nephew would make me so happy but I feel nothing. I want to cry every day but I don’t even know why. I hate this and I want to give up on treatment but my last ditch effort are stimulants, I really hope they can help me because I can’t keep doing this, ADD is so debilitating and no one really understands but those that are affected by it.
Sorry for the rant but I just want to vent somewhere and here is the only place I feel like people will understand.
12/13 is my next appointment with my psych to possibly try stimulants… wish me luck. | ADHD |
Lately my mind has been getting confused and it's making me feel scared. I've recently made some new friends in a private discord server. One of my new friends (lets call her Cat) reminds me of someone I use to know name Kaz. They are both have similar usernames and personalities. I keep calling her Kaz in my mind. It's like for a brief second I was in another dimension. It's so scary and I hate it.
I didn't end things with Kaz on good terms. I feel guilty thinking about the past. It's making me scared of getting close to new friends. When I want to feel I go numb. I don't want to push people away again. I don't want to stop being friends with Cat.
I use to go by a different username when Kaz and I were friends (lets say Sprinkles). I was thinking of making a personal meme folder and I referred to myself as Sprinkles and I got scared. I don't know why this is happening and it's upsetting me. | ptsd |
the way people on here are overglorifying successful resolution from a diagnosis and medication is promoting a highly damaging and misleading narrative of half truth.
My diagnosis might be the dumbest decision ive ever made. all that it has done is provide a name to the cause of more than 2 decades worth of struggle that i have no control over. daily proof that my life is actually a lot worse than previously seemed. that all the time spent hyperselfaware hating and changing myself was a useless unnecessary and depressing attempt to "learn from" something i can never control or out-compete.
medication seems to allow relatively better brain productivity which sounded great at first but this is productivity in all brain functions. every feeling is heightened and now im no longer able to choose to ignore through coping mechanisms or compartmentalise my feelings which is terrible for work productivity but increasingly more terrible if you also have a decade worth of unresolved trauma that you now have to face every day but now with clearer perception of its effect in your life and memory and less ability to cope and more on your plate to deal with.
my resolution from meds wont come
adhd has created a endless complex web of issues in my life that diagnosis and medication have simply given eyes to see it and no capacity to deal with it
i'm left in a futile limbo with no support just meds and vibes and mildly better work productivity no solutions or hope for life improvement with meds | ADHD |
Does anyone have compulsions to like Fast Forward TV like shows it's weird I always do it like the 10-second fast forward thing I can't help it | OCD |
not diagnosed but i know i have some type of trauma and just seeing which community is better. So far I've found plenty of things on r/cptsd to match closest to me.
thank you! | ptsd |
On July 22, I had gotten home from work and started making a snack around midnight. I'd just moved into my new apartment about two weeks before. The blinds to my patio were cracked just a bit.
My kitchen looks towards the patio. I couldn't see out as I was cooking, but noticed my cat was meowing and acting weird. I figured it was a bug or animal he was looking at outside. I walk closer to the window and saw a man. At first, I thought it was a maintenance man, then realized it was midnight and that didn't make sense.
We made eye contact and I screamed. He didn't flinch. I backed away then went back up to the window and saw him masturbating. He still didn't move. I screamed again and started crying and ran to the bathroom where I called the cops. They didn't find him.
I'm moving to a higher floor next month but can't shake this feeling of paranoia and anxiety. I just wonder how many times I've accidentally left the blinds to my window in my bedroom open and he's seen me changing. I should've been more careful. I don't feel like the same person. I feel like this was a minor thing that happened in some people's opinions but it left me feeling totally traumatized and scared in a place I should feel safe. I'm afraid he's going to break in and rape me or kill me or that he continues to watch me or that he's planted cameras in my apartment. When I type this, it all sounds very irrational but it's how I feel.
I haven't been sleeping well, if at all, since it happened. I bought curtains and have bars on my patio door and window but still don't feel safe. Every noise I hear at night scares me. I check and double check and sometimes triple check that my blinds aren't cracked enough so anyone can see in. I make sure my curtains are totally covering my windows. I'm afraid of sitting in my living room at night because it's by my patio, so I brought my TV in my bedroom and eat dinner in there. I feel like I'm crazy.
Everyone's telling me not to worry and he would've come back by now if he was interested in harming me. People don't get why I keep talking about it. I've just never felt so scared in my life and I don't know how to shake this feeling. It's ruining my happiness.
Any advice on how to not let this bother me so much?
TLDR: Saw a man peeping through my patio window and masturbating and am constantly paranoid and scared now, especially at night. Any advice on how to not let it bother me so much?
Thanks! | ptsd |
My friend has a kitty and she's super young so she hasn't had her rabies shot and she bit me and I don't think she has rabies but I have OCD about the stupidest shit and I read that they may not show symptoms up until a year so can someone calm me down | OCD |
Every few days the neighbours that live directly below me yell at each other for over 30+ minutes. I can hear the yelling through the duct/ventilation system. It triggers PTSD memories of my dad yelling at me as a child as he abused me, and makes me extremely sick and anxious.
I've filed a dozen complaints with the landlords over the last 6 months. I just phoned and filed another one 30 minutes and they said they'd go talk with them. I went downstairs to talk with landlords afterwards and he said "Yeah, that isn't an issue, that's just how they talk".
I said no it isn't, they yell at each other, my walls shake sometimes from them throwing things. He said "If it's before 10pm we don't do anything about noise complaints."
I said well I'm going to have to phone 911, as I've threatened to do in the past over this same issue. He said go ahead and basically he didn't care.
I phoned 911 and told them I was having a PTSD crisis from the people downstairs yelling multiple times a week. They instantly freaked out and the lady on the other end started yelling frantically at me.. "Sir do we need to call an ambulance for you? Are you going to harm yourself?"... I said no, the issue with is with the people downstairs... She continued "Sir, are you going to kill yourself?"... I said please lower your voice and calm down, the 911 dispatcher was talking so loud and frenzied that it was making my anxiety worse. Finally after the same exchange back and forth over 10minutes I managed to convince her I wasn't in any harm, and if they could PLEASE just do something about the people that live below me.
I've been wanting to move out of this apartment for over a year but I live on disability and have no means of moving out, housing is so unaffordable and beyond my reach. I contemplate jumping off my balcony to escape this apartment, I have to hear daily yelling and screaming from these people below me and have PTSD triggered almost daily.
I don't know what to do. The police and landlords won't do anything. I couldn't believe how rude and mean that 911 dispatcher was either. | ptsd |
TW: Mention of self harm, graphic description of thoughts.
Full disclosure: I do have dermatillomania but this feels different.
A few months ago when my kitten was younger he accidentally scratched the top of my left hand just above the wrist. It turned into a scab that resembled the beginning of something being zipped open. I started having thoughts of pulling on this "zipper" and opening up my arm almost immediately. In my thoughts it was not painful and it did not bleed so I don't feel like this is about hurting myself. My dermatillomania manifests as a desire to have surfaces, including my skin, smooth and flat aka "perfect". I resisted the scab long enough for it to heal pretty well and now it is just a faint scar. Mostly I ignored it for a while, it is flat and smooth plus my arms have tattoos and many other scars from skin picking so it's not that noticeable to me.
I noticed recently an intense urge to split open the other side of my forearm during an extremely frustrating day. This spot is where I have cut before, just enough to see it bleed and not a suicide attempt. That was around 20 years ago though and I have since covered that scar with a tattoo of my favorite dog I had up until a few years ago when she passed away in her sleep from old age. She always brought me great comfort and seeing her smiling face there helps me in dark times so I would never do anything to mess up that tattoo. Since I noticed this urge though I've realized it's been happening for a while and it's become so intense that I think about opening up my arm and pulling my skeletal arm and hand out of the opening. Thankfully these are just intrusive thoughts and not urges I would ever have what it takes to do to myself but why am I having this specific thought? There's nothing wrong with my left arm, no reason I'd want to harm it. I have no urges to harm myself in any other way. I do see a psychiatrist, I'm expecting a call from her nurse today after talking to her about some other things yesterday so I'm going to mention these thoughts to her, but I know sometimes it's easier to understand something you've experienced yourself and thought maybe someone here might have some insight on what is behind this and how to get past it. I'm not going to harm myself but I do find the thoughts upsetting and would like to make them stop. | depression |
At this point I honestly just wanna die and be nonexistant, I hate myself to the point where I hurt myself just to punish this worthless body. I don’t like anything about myself at all. I rather just die and never have to deal with being a burden to my whole family. | aspergers |
I've has seizures my entire life. If you have epilepsy then you know that you're confused and disoriented for days after. Sometimes I feel like that adds to the overall confusion of aspergers and never really knowing what's going on with other, people interpersonally and their expectations.
It's like lately, I have not been well but at the same time I am much better since starting the new seizure medicine.
But I just wondered if anyone else is dealing with it and has any idea how to cope. | aspergers |
For me, I see many aspies on this sub saying that they love animals, but for me, animals make me nervous such as dogs and cats. I can relate to NTs more than some aspies. | aspergers |
Please??? I’m so fucking sad and I don’t know what to do?? | ptsd |
I'm 28 years old and I have been depressed since 13. It's always been something, at one time it was bullying and having no friends, then it was having too many friends, than being too much of an artist for anyone to understand, than being too different for anyone to understand, than it was eating disorders, than eating too much... it's always something.
Now my life so great, I have my dream job, a loving boyfriend, a dog, friends, great coworkers. But it's still something... Now I drink too much and I don't know why. And I still feel empty and shitty but someone with my job and relationships should not feel anything but blessed. Maybe I'm just addicted to self pity, I think I am. I just loooveee feeling like shit, I love bathing in my own pain. I love drinking, listening to depressive music and hating myself. It feels so good and I can't stop.
I thought it would all stop. With a good job and a good relationship, it should have all stopped. So why do I still feel like shit? It's been 15 years, lol, it's just how I am and who I am now. There's no another way of me being... me.
Suicide is so violent and weird. I don't want that. The only way for me would be overdosing with pills but that is a very unreliable way of doing it and I fear that if it would not end well, I could end up in a hospital ruining everything perfect that I have right now. Everyone would see how weak I am and I don't want that.
But then... nobody has been able to help me. I have a good life, I went to theraphy and I even took my meds. And it went great for me, 5 years in a relationship, great job, friends and I still feel hopeless. I'm just broken and addicted to pain. | depression |
I hope I'm not the only one that feels this way.
I've had two girlfriends before, both lasted two years and the second one was one I wanted to marry for a long time. But after all that, I realize it was all way too much work. Honestly I feel like my life is already hectic enough as it is. I like to keep it as lowkey as possible, given the fact that I'm dealing with a pretty difficult condition, but having a girlfriend is waaaay too much at this stage of my life.
Even so, I wish that I had more space in my head to love a girl. I can feel feelings for them, but it's not real love. It's just me wanting to have sex with them and play bf/gf for a few months until I get tired of them.
I'm too troubled by my autism/anxiety/depression/adhd-related issues to care about anyone but myself, unfortunately. I'd feel like a narcissist being in a relationship because it honestly feels like my heart is too broken to truly love anyone but myself. But I'm probably not a true narcissist, because I don't think that they would ever admit it.
Anyways I'd appreciate anyone letting me know that they have a similar situation, it'd really help me feel like I'm not all that messed up. Have a great day guys! | aspergers |
Adderall is making my hair fall out, which I expected because it’s a known side effect and I’ve had pregnancy hair loss and stress hair loss.
I’m wondering if anyone has had success with a caffeine hairspray to combat hair loss from stimulants.
It worked for me for stress-related hair loss, but now that I’m caffeine free, and since the hair loss is literally caused by a stimulant, I’m not sure if it’s a good idea.
Has anyone been here and gotten good results? Or does anyone have other things that work. I have a lot of very fine, mostly straight hair. | ADHD |
hi!!!!
i get a feeling like it's a shiver in my legs when I'm anxious.
but that feeling also happens when i'm aroused. or sometimes it happens without any reason.
however, I realized that this feeling happened when I saw a trigger and I've been obsessed with watching my leg all day.
does it happen when i see a trigger does it mean i got aroused? was it anxiety? coincidence? | OCD |
I am really struggling I keep thinking it’s my fault that it happened and I keep thinking what if that movie wasn’t put on then it wouldn’t have happened. The thoughts are so powerful. | ptsd |
Hang on to that shred of positivity, no matter how small. Hang on to yourself, and the little glimmers of you that you can just barely feel throughout the day. You are good, you are loved, you are needed. 💕 | OCD |
I just treat them all in a hostile manner now like they all used to treat me. It feels much better. | aspergers |
Would it be safe to consume both Sam-E and Gaba together for treating depression and anxiety?
Does anyone have any recommended info on this?
Thank you | depression |
Hey everyone, unsure how to go about this, but my (23F) partner (28M) has ADHD, among a few other disorders. I'm trying to work out how to be as supportive as possible, without being naggy/irritating.
He has a LOT of trouble remembering to do housework (dinner, clean bathroom and sweep once a week, dishes we do a week on, week off as a new schedule). Is there anything I can do to help him remember these things. He doesn't remember on his own. And after our last chat, he said he didn't want me to remind him of anything, which I've stuck to.
But it drives me nuts that he will take 5 days to remember to do the dishes, and take 2 days to do them, and usually forget a few dirty things as well. Even more irritating is he is AMAZING at work, he is super organised, gets everything done, he's a superstar. But as soon as he gets home, he doesn't give a single f*ck. I refuse to clean for him and have been trying to get it through to him how important keeping home clean is.
I don't know if I'm being OTT and too much, and I need unbiased, or at least a less biased POV. Any advice is more than welcome. Thank you in advance. | ADHD |
I hate this question. I actually dread this question. It’s usually after your friend who you haven’t seen in awhile just got done telling you about their life and all the people they’ve met and the things they’ve done and how their life is so eventful. To tell the truth, all I do is go to work, go to school, come home, waste my life away on my phone and repeat the cycle. So when we’re catching up, there’s not much that has changed in my life. This question makes me want to become a pathological liar and just reinvent my life so it seems interesting. | depression |
gonna sound kinda dumb.
there's a Minecraft server I've been a part of for almost a year now and it was a really big comfort for me
when I would feel overwhelmed I would go on and i would build.
I have multiple small builds that each took me 12+ hours each and they mean a lot to me
but now the servers is being reset because of lag issues which means I'll lose it all
everything that meant so much to me will be gone. which is the 3rd time I'll be losing all my builds in a server
and I'm really upset and sad about it which has triggered a lot of stuff
one big constant I had will be gone and the server owner doesn't even care.
he won't listen to anything I have to say about it
I'm just really angry and everyone keeps ignoring me | ptsd |
No one really seems to get it when I say I'm numb to everything. They all try to encourage me by essentially gaslighting me. I tell them about my mental illness and the issues I have feeling things, and they tell me that my "brain won't be like that forever," and that my "problems aren't going to persist." Regardless of what they say, yes, my brain is going to be like that forever. That's what a genetically passed down mental illness does.
So my question is, what is the point? Say all of my problems in life get fixed. At this point, I don't really care. I don't care if my relationship fails, if I graduate college (Nobody likes you when you're 23, I'm at the age Blink-182 warned me about), if I move out of my parents house, whether or not I fail or succeed at my career, or whether or not my dreams come true pertaining to my hobbies. I don't care if my depression somehow "isn't like this forever," either. I've always been under the mindset that the life I want is only a few decisions away, and I need to make those decisions no matter how tough they are.
But the thing is, I'm just so tired. I understand my limits too well. Right now, I'm overwhelmed. My relationship takes up mental energy, college is taking up my energy, and any free time I have I fill with the few things in life I enjoy (enjoy as in, they make me happier than anything else but they're not anything worth staying alive for) which also take up energy. But rest is a depression symptom. When I rest, I go brain dead and do nothing for weeks. I don't even remember this year. I've been working so hard at work and college that I don't remember anything. If I were to "rest" as some people have suggested, my life would only get worse because I know myself well enough to know I could go months or years watching life go by with no particular feelings towards it. A lucid hibernation.
No matter how hard I try to imagine a world where I wake up tomorrow and everything's fixed, I still somehow don't care about it. I don't care enough to find a reason to care. Everyone seems to have this survival instinct that even when they're at rock bottom, they just want things to get better. Everyone I've met with depression like mine just wants it to get better. It seems everyone that's hurting wants to get better. So no one knows how to react when I'm numb to that. I don't have any desire or particular feelings to things "getting better" or living a life where things are better. I have no feelings towards anything at all.
No one gets it, and that is something that does make me feel something. That greatly angers and upsets me. No one I've ever talked to understands what it's like to not care if things get better, and to only get frustrated when people try to give you hope because they don't understand that I have no feelings towards hope. Nothing anyone says is going to magically make me feel something or get rid of my depression. Nothing anyone says is going to magically assign a purpose to what's essentially a sentient flesh bag that lives to leach off of others for nutrients and validation (yes, I realize how funny that sounds). I really just don't care. I don't know how many different ways I can say it. People can talk to me for hours and I have to pretend they helped to make them feel better. How do you tell someone who has given you so much of their time and energy that nothing they said made any difference, and I'm always going to be this way?
It's a really strange thing. I don't feel like I exist. I feel like I'm here to observe, not to feel or participate. That's all I'm good at. When I participate in things or interact with people it usually leaves me feeling empty because I didn't get the "we're born a social species, interacting is key" feeling others get. Everything leaves me feeling empty. Yes, I'm very, very passionate about movies, music, and video games. However, to live for those things I need a job. That's a lot of energy already. Life is exchanging labor for currency to sustain my physical form, but interacting with people doing jobs for them is energy. I don't care to do that. Even eating and showering is getting so frustrating because of how consistently I have to do it (I would post in a different sub if that was an issue, don't worry guys I ate a whole pizza an hour ago). I really don't like being around other people. Then I need to take care of myself and be conscious of how I present myself during my job. I really just don't care enough to live like that. See my problem? The things I need to do for the optimal life I just don't care enough to do. My best life makes me feel no particular feelings.
So why am I posting this? I just want to see if anyone else feels this way. I've never met someone who has listened to me and accepted it instead of telling me that things aren't the way I perceive them. Which is funny, because we're all unique and see life a different way until my view differs from someone else's. I don't know if it would make me feel any particular way to gain the knowledge that others feel that way, but I want to get my thoughts out there in a community that gets it because I've never been in a community like that before.
(As mentioned earlier, I would be posting in a different sub if I was a person at risk. I'm listing an objective representation of my day to day thoughts, not crying out for help or saying I'm ANY kind of danger to myself or others. I'm not, I promise) | depression |
I'm generally unwelcoming to gifts or surprises. I feel most people do these things to be thanked, otherwise they wouldn't consider it rude to not be thanked. I shouldn't need to change my entire day and thought process because someone wanted to surprise me with a party. I'm not thankful because you most likely just ruined my day.
I feel insulted when people buy me things I didn't ask for, or gift me something they think I want or would like. Then I'm expected to act like I'm thankful, which is not genuine, and I refuse. I made it clear to anyone close to me to never acknowledge my birthdays and never to buy me gifts or try to surprise me, I will reject it.
And when it comes down to it, they didn't get it for me, they got it for me for them, or they did it for me for them.
I abhor the action of doing something nice for someone to make yourself feel better. This is easily an oxymoron. If you're doing something for someone else for yourself, how is that for someone else? How do you even know they actually appreciate what you did? Maybe as soon as you leave they breathe a sigh of relief that it's over.
The final outcome could be you actually made them feel like shit, but you wouldnt know because you're in a state of bliss for thinking you did something nice...
How is this not a false sense of humility? How is that not selfish? | aspergers |
So EMDR is talked about a lot on here as a form of treatment and I’ve seen both good and bad from those comments, I’m open to pretty much anything to help my PTSD.
My therapist told me she’s going to try to get certified in it, and wants me to be one of her patients for it once she is and encouraged me to look into a little bit more in between sessions
From what I’ve read, I don’t really understand *how* it works? I’m also scared of it, like it seems very intense and idrk what to expect from it, I guess.
I’m asking for people who’ve tried it to tell me how it’s helped them/what they knew going into it/what they got out of it/anything you have to say about it/any tips for going into it/etc
Any and all responses are greatly appreciated | ptsd |
I was just lying down earlier ‘relaxing’ when I realised my heart was still pounding, strangely enough I felt fairly calm but when I really thought about it could feel all of the activation and tension in my body.
It seem like I’ve become so accustomed to being stuck in fight or flight that it’s almost normal to me now | ptsd |
Hi fellow ADHD friends, I'm coming to get some advice on whether or not to begin taking SSRIs again after getting diagnosed with ADHD and being prescribed Adderall. In high school, I entered multiple depressive episodes and started doing much worse in school (as I actually had to do work, and got burnt out). I was prescribed Zoloft and took it for a few years, but it didn't really seem to have much of an affect. After some continued problems in college (repeating burnout cycles), I finally realized that my depressive episodes episodes were pretty much always triggered by things like me being unable to do work I needed to do, not being able to live up to expectations, etc. Adderall has been incredibly helpful for me in terms of focus, not procrastinating as much and feeling like a normal person, but I still have problems with a lot of general anxiety, sleep problems, and little motivation, even if my mood is usually ok. I guess my question is are there other people with similar experiences? I feel like SSRIs really didn't do much before, but with the Adderall as well, would they now be helpful? And how do SSRIs and stimulants behave together for other people here? I've already had conversations with my psychiatrist and he's open to either taking the SSRIs or not, but I wanted to ask some fellow people with ADHD. Thanks! | ADHD |
I’m so scared. I’ve been in a 3 day long hell flashback that hasn’t quit.
I had one that lasted February to April and I’m genuinely scared it’s going to turn into that where I shut down for a month and a half.
I need to see a doctor again but I’m pushing it off like a dipshit. Ugh. Is there anything over the counter that I can take to chill this. Please. I’m just going to deal with alcohol and I can’t do that to myself. I’m scared. I know it’s not real but crap. I need to get it under control before I can get myself help you know? I feel lost. Like I’m not even real. | ptsd |
Stopped like 4-5 months ago maybe? Idk but it seems I cannot learn from my mistakes without fucking myself up so, here I am | depression |
Anytime I see people talk about their experience with ocd they talk about their compulsions like “oh I have to do x or my parents will die” but that’s not really my experience? For example If I feel the need to push in my chairs or close a door just right it’s not like I’m thinking “oh that’s not right if I don’t correct it x thing will happen” I just feel the need to correct it. I will obsess over the thought until I give in I just have to push in those chairs, there is no form of logic to it I just obsess and cannot stop thinking about how the chairs aren’t fully touching thing table and that they need corrected or that the drawers must be slightly open and I need to fix it. | OCD |
Hello! I've just recently been diagnosed with OCD and I'm curious as to whether or not anyone else experiences things like this?
I've struggled with OCD all my life without knowing it was OCD. I've dealt with physical compulsions, but had thought I had "overcome" most of them (yeah, new compulsions would crop up immediately in their place so...not so much.) It got to the point where it was mostly mental compulsions.
My intrusive thoughts started out as being triggered by things related to harm/death, causing me to be concerned that my loved ones would become injured. I began to pray, obsessively, again and again. I repeat the prayers in sets of three. If I see something that triggers the intrusive thoughts while I'm praying, I'll start over. If I feel like I've done it wrong, I'll repeat the prayers until it feels right. It's gotten to the point where I'm lucky if I go half an hour without needing to pray. It has put strain on my relationship with others because I cannot focus entirely on conversations and I have begun to avoid places and things I once enjoyed or conversations that trigger intrusive thoughts. It's better during less stressful times, and although it's been getting worse for years, the pandemic has made it worse than ever. I now get intrusive thoughts about illness and disease as well as contamination, although it triggers the same prayer compulsion as before, as the root of my contamination fears are still harm coming to my loved ones.
I feel as though if I don't pray frequently enough or don't do it the right way, God will punish me or ignore me by either harming my loved ones or allowing the harm to happen. Those feelings along with some traumatic experiences I've faced this past year have severely weakened my faith. However, the root of the praying isn't my fear of being ignored or punished by God, but instead by fear of harm coming to my loved ones or contamination.
It seems like generally compulsions related to prayer are considered scrupulosity ocd and that the source of intrusive thoughts are also religious, and that usually the result of contamination based intrusive thoughts are cleaning rituals, so I feel a bit misplaced because I don't fit neatly into either category. Does anyone else have compulsions that aren't as neatly connected to their obsessions? | OCD |
I’m new to this whole thing. I have never been properly diagnosed for it, but I believe I have some of the symptoms of intrusive thoughts about death and sometimes sexual obsessions. My question is, how did you receive a diagnosis, and where do you go to find affordable mental health care.m? Everything is so expensive and I cannot afford to get better which sucks. I feel like I’m not able to live with my brain. I just want to move on from this. | OCD |
I get told alot that I lash out even tho I either dnt mean to or I don't notice it.
I feel like I have anger issues and when I try to hold it in I get a very strong urge to hit (either fist or head) something like mainly walls or concrete. | aspergers |
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