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Hi all
I (F, 30+) just found out I have Aspergers which I've been unaware of through most of my life. I never underwent a professional diagnosis but a good friend who has Autism said that I have Asperger's (happened just a few months ago) since he saw behavioral patterns in me that he also had. I only heard of Asperger's quite recently (2015-ish) and was first quite in denial that I may have it but looking back, everything now suddenly fell into place.
Throughout most of my youth, I've been prone to fights both verbal and physical (even with boys). One particular moment that haunted me recently is when **a boy I had a crush on punched me in the face**. We were both in the 6th grade and we got into an argument (I forgot what it was about) so I started punching his arms which I meant jokingly, which then made him retaliate. I don't blame him though and if I were in his shoes, I would've done the same thing.
That aside, I also couldn't seem to keep friends and people around me generally hated me and thought I was the weird kid. I had little to no filter and would ask embarrassing or inappropriate questions like their sex or personal lives. Many times I'd even be over-emotional in public and cause a scene which makes people around me humiliated.
I only learned to tone myself down when I entered the corporate world and had to "behave" myself just so I'll survive. All my life that maybe I was just meant to be weird and that's there really is just something wrong with me. It was only when that friend told me I have Aspergers that everything suddenly made sense.
I felt both extreme relief and a crippling sense of loss. Turns out there was a valid reason I acted that way all this time. At the same time, I feel robbed of a normal childhood. As you can tell from my age, I'm a millennial 90s kid and my childhood was during a time when no one had easy and immediate access to psychological information, and when Autism/Aspergers still had that stigma (at least in my country, I can't speak for others).
I have no one else to share this to since they may not understand. That friend who told me about Aspergers now moved places and I prefer speaking to him face-to-face. In my country at least, there's still a stigma around conditions like Autisms and Aspergers. | aspergers |
Sometimes my brain will make up fake scenarios, I feel like everyone does, but mine will be horrible. Things I would never ever do. Earlier I could not stop thinking about a scenario where I was using racial slurs against someone. Another time, I couldn’t stop thinking about having romantic interest in a child. I believe these are just apart of intrusive thoughts, but they really do make me sick to my stomach. The way I would ever even think up such things, especially involving myself? It is beyond disgusting and I hate myself every day for struggling with this problem. | OCD |
So I'm a gullible idiot. It's even gotten me into a ton of trouble, like expelled from school and probably FBI watch list trouble.
But I can also easily manipulate people. Don't even realize it as half the stuff I do is masked anyways. But sometimes messing with people is also fun :) | aspergers |
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So I have OCD and I also have social anxiety disorder (SAD), and I’m wondering if any of you have both OCD and SAD like I do? And how do you deal with it? With OCD I feel like it’s more of the “need to know” or need for certainty, but I’m not sure about SAD. I know I avoid doing/saying certain things in public/to others because I’m afraid of what they’ll do or think of me, which seems like SAD.
I’m a lot more used to dealing with my OCD but SAD feels harder in some ways, to deal with. With OCD I’ve done a lot of exposure therapy.
Any help on insights/what y’all have done to help SAD/etc would help thanks!
Also I find they get mixed between eachother like I become OCD about my SAD, I get caught up in if something is avoidance or just lack of desire
Anyways any help would be great! | OCD |
I see so many kids in college claim they have ADHD or be prescribed medication and then sell it to their friends. Also, people blame so much on ADHD and use it as a crutch while taking no proactive steps to help themselves. At the same time, I was recently diagnosed and started taking medication which has been a life changer. I am mid-twenties and I did everything to try to combat it. Eating healthy, exercise, vitamins, regimented schedule, sleep, and even going gluten and diary free to try to help.
With this being said, I struggle with trying to figure out how ADHD impacts me but I also hate blaming things on it because of how weak it makes me feel. I am also in a serious relationship and at times I can see my ADHD impacting things but I don't know how to put into words how something impacts me without coming across as if I'm just shifting blame. | ADHD |
is this even pocd anymore??? this may sound disturbing for some people & trust me it’s disturbing for me! I’m a 20yo female who’s been bi sexual her whole life but never once been into kids! I am against that 100% but my mind just started to wonder the other day & was listening to this song that said “body to body” then I started to automatically think the worst!!! “What if you were body to body w your niece” I didn’t think of an image or anything just the idea??? & then it turned into a gronial response & terrified me then I went home & did some ‘checking’ & almost all times I felt that feeling of the gronial response which feels like slight arousal for me almost each time I checked!!! Im worried it’s arousal can gronial response happen after checking? what do I do???? what is this, anyone???? | OCD |
you guys experience having porn sites redirecting u to like gambling sites/other porn sites e.g stripchat.com etc and im now just ruminating if i really fell into those ad traps and logged into the ad sites with my details? i dont know what to do, theres no way to check unless some weirdo hacks into my shit im so scared i wanna breakdown. i shouldnt have watched porn, i already stopped for a week ;-; | OCD |
Hello my friends with uteruses!
I've only just recently started tracking my period and I've noticed that my ADHD flares up so badly around a week or so before my period starts. Any symptoms I normally have become doubled or tripled in intensity. I can hardly focus, I can hardly function at work, I disassociate and go into fight or flight mode constantly. I just feel like I can't get a grip on my steering wheel.
My question is how on earth do y'all make it through pms? Help!! | ADHD |
My brain is basically always active, and worse of all i cant focus on shit. Like the only time i ever get work done is right before the deadline. Even with video games, after like 1-2 hours i just cant enjoy them at all. I also go through phases of hyper fixations in everything. With a tv show, ill get super hooked, watch it like 3 times and then stop and get into something else. Same with food, and then ill stop eating that meal as much. The thing is how do i go about seeing if i have adhd or add or something else? All i know is i have a problem | ADHD |
I have rocd; and I can’t help but worry that I secretly am polyamorous and it’s bringing me a fair amount of anxiety. I have never questioned my monogamy. Has anyone else had a similar obsession with their rocd? | OCD |
I have found, in my lowest times, like weeks of relentless negativity towards myself I start trying to coach or mentor myself. In the past six months, I have noticed I have progressively begun taking on the persona of Gordon Ramsay in my inner monologue, like Gordon Ramsay 2007 - 2014 Kitchen Nightmares when he has to give tough love to the owners of a failing restaurant. The oddest thing is it totally works, if I neglected something like dusting off my desk, I say to myself mentally “Oh you dirty F\*\*ker” in that voice and then laugh about it, it’s like I can be super critical of myself and cheer up about it and move on. My only concern is I don’t know if this is a sign of something bad, I’ve been a full-time college student and have gotten away with trading stocks to pay for school, I don’t really leave the house and have been doing this for almost three years straight, even before the pandemic. In a weird way, I wish I could thank Gordon. | depression |
Title pretty much sums it up. My entire life has been a fever dream of abuse. The past 4 years have gotten progressively worse and just like everyone has experienced significantly worse since the pandemic started. When I hear of someone passing away due to covid I can’t help but wish that had been me instead. Everything in the last 6 months seems to be going from bad to worse just when I think it can’t and I just feel like every decision I make is a wrong one. I just want this pain to end
If you’ve read this thank you for letting me vent. | depression |
I feel like my OCD treatment has been neglected due to the focus being on my suicidal behaviour as a result of possible BPD. My OCD is annoying as hell and affects my day to day life but I’ve noticed I don’t have any panic attacks over them. I told a nurse once and she said “well other people with ocd can’t leave the house” implying mine wasn’t that bad and now I sort of agree. The worst thing my OCD has made me do is harass people who have insulted me because it fucks with my brain. I can’t explain it well but hopefully someone here can understand: someone insults me, my brain automatically tallies it up. I want to get rid of the bad feeling of anxiety so I repeatedly ask them to take back the anxiety-inducing thing they said. I deleted my YouTube account as a result of this.
But because I don’t have breakdowns every day as a result of OCD I will never be taken seriously. Fuck this illness i hate it. | OCD |
I feel abnormal and alone for this as it seems very rare that people get such extreme responses from psychedelics | ptsd |
i dont see a single thing getting better. its honestly just impossible. this is hell. i hope an afterlife exists so i can get a better chance. | depression |
***TW: Emotional, Physical, and sexual assault and abuse, death threats, threats, and rape***
The first trauma that’s given me ptsd was when I angered this man and he got really mad at me and threatened me, saying he was gonna kill me and describing the ways he would. He grabbed my arms and shook me half to death, but thankfully another dude saw and helped me. Because of how harshly he shook me I passed out for a few seconds too. This still affects me and I feel absolutely stupid for it. It happened a few years ago, and I just feel like it “wasn’t bad enough” since it’s not like he punched me or stabbed me.
The other trauma is from when I had a friend. At first she seemed nice, she’d give me gifts and compliments a lot. The person that she was friends with, that I also befriended, was always quiet or hurt in some way. At some point she was able to tell me that she was actually abusive, and at first I wasn’t sure if I’d believe her, but then she started begging me to not talk to her anymore. So I decided to confront her about it. And she just completely changed. She went from happy and bubbly to angry and almost psychotic. I guess she thought there was no point in hiding it anymore since she started insulting and gaslighting and hitting her right in front of me. I tried to stop her but then she turned on me. That’s when she started abusing me. She’d hit me and beat me up, chocked me until I passed out or almost passed out several times, and took advantage of my ptsd from the earlier mentioned event and triggered me constantly. She said that she was the only one who’s ever care about me and that I was lucky that she didn’t kill me right there and rid the world of such a burden. But she didn’t, since she wanted my death to be slow and painful according to her. We weren’t allowed to do anything without her permission. We couldn’t talk, or eat, or use the bathroom and stuff or she’d hit us or something. She used it to humiliate us. And since we weren’t eating well, especially me, she enjoyed taking our food and eating it in front of us or not letting us eat and making us look at it. Then she’d throw it away. She’d tell us stories of her earlier victims, and we’d have to praise her or she’d hurt us. She also touched and raped me several times and purposely made it hurtful because she wanted me in as much pain as possible. Sometimes when I did something she deemed wrong, or just exist in general, she’d beat her up and make me watch. Anything I did could make it worse, like if I protested or looked away. The whole time she’d blame me, telling me that I made her do it and that I was a terrible person. Sometimes she did her “punishments” and when I’d ask her why she’d say that me existing was enough of a reason because I was such a terrible person. Because of nightmares every night from the incident with the man, I was barely sleeping, so I’d doze off during the day. She took advantage of it and anytime I did she’d trigger me or hit me and then anytime I started dozing off or just fall asleep I’d freak out cuz I connected sleep = pain even more. I tried to tell the other people in my camp, but she made them think that I was the abusive/mean one, so they never believed me and blamed me. When I tried to tell them about the raping they’d think that I was lying cuz a girl couldn’t rape another girl, and that I wanted it since I orgasmed, and if they did believe me they’d say I finally got what I deserved and praised her for it. I tried to tell the counselors but they’d bring us out together so she’d just make me lie then punish me afterwards. I’m surprised they never heard us scream, or saw us cry or the bruises. The only reason the other girl hid hers at the camp was so no one mentioned it and she got it trouble with her for it, since her parents didn’t even care whether she lived or died and she had to take care of herself and they never asked. The girl was also like 2 or 3 years older than us and stronger than us so we were never able to fight back, and she lowered our self esteems enough that most of the time we didn’t cuz we felt like we deserved it. Another thing she did was take advantage of my paranoia that he’d come back (he said that he would and nothing would stop him), saying stuff like “You’re sure he can’t find you?” Or “he might know where you live, cuz ya know the internet’s crazy now.” And stuff.
This all happened in a year, when I was 11. I've only told my partner the whole story
This only went on for like 3 months so I feel like I’m just invading with actually abuse survivors, since there’s other being with their abusers for like 3 years, or even a decade and stuff. And I feel like I deserved it since I never really fought back, or cuz I was stupid enough to believe her in the beginning when she said I was dreaming it up, or in the very beginning when I thought she was a nice person. My partner says that it wasn’t my fault and I didn’t deserve it, but I don’t feel that way, so I was hoping to get other opinions on it. I feel really pathetic and overdramatic to not be over it, since it's been a few years. Thanks for reading this whole post if you did!
\-Lyric | ptsd |
All my clothes are contaminated with semen and are dirty due to my bad mistakes of combing the two without thinking. Now I'm worried my little sisters can get in them so I'm constantly fearful of where they are. I also share a room with my older brother which make sit worse. I made it so that he wouldn't be in contact with my clothes noe after remembering the semen I asked my dad if we could go to the laundry mat but he doesn't want to go by the way he responded. I don't know if I can effectively clena all my clothes because aid how much I have. I want to throw most of my clothing in trash but morally it feels wrong. This is because I live in an apartment so everyone throws there trash in a specific dumpster and because of this a random person can be near the trash bin. I actually feeling a little depressed about this. I know semen isn't dangerous but morally I feel wrong. I deserve the guilt and shame though because i use to leave semen clothes out until one day i realized that my sisters could enter my closet and just come in contact with it. I'm so messed up and I'm trying to fix my mistakes. | OCD |
I’m finding out the difficulty of planning large group activities for preschool. I’m currently taking curriculum development and already not looking forward to coming up with filling out this detailed large group/circle time plan. I also notice there is lot more creativity in blocked when it comes to pre school age, I prefer like structured lesson concepts such as addition, subtraction. Not making my own activity from scratch if that makes sense.
Im not a planning type and always improvise, how are other people that have aDhD tolerate this portion of being a teacher. Another profession like x-ray tech sounds much better since there is no sitting down and doing long term planning.
I find I am mainly inattentive with some hyperactivity | ADHD |
\*dopamine
I'm hopped on sugar, I've got all the music blaring, I'm dressed to the nines and *it's not working*. I just *cannot fucking function and I h a t e it.* I have so much work to do and I just can't pull myself together. i can see why people with adhd have higher rates of substance abuse because hoooolllly shit I would be willing to try a LOT of stuff to get out of this headspace. | ADHD |
So right now my OCD is flared up and I was wondering does anyone else’s ocd flare up to the point where every little thing ticks you off and makes you have to redo something? I can elaborate if anyone needs. | OCD |
This semester in college a friend of mine did me the favor of explaining reciprocity to me. We had started studying together for exams and he successfully helped me cram for a test for which I was very grateful.
Anyway he notes that reciprocity doesn’t have to happen right away or be the same thing that was given to you. He mentioned that if someone helps in a class you could repay them in a class you’re doing better than they are in. Or if you hear an underclassmen mention they are struggling in a class you could send them your old homework and notes and boom you just networked.
That’s all for now. | aspergers |
I’ve struggled with depression for more than half my life, recently my depression has gotten significantly worse - to the point of feeling suicidal. I’ve masked so much in my life that people who are close to me don’t believe I’m as depressed as I am. I don’t know what to do to make them realize where I am mentally & others discounting my condition only make it worse… | aspergers |
ever since i was a kid no one took my emotions seriously even the basic ones like sadness anger ect... and i think that because if that i was never able to express myself on how i feel , so i don't really blame anyone for "not caring enough" but at the same time , they are not even trying and i always end up being the therapist to everyone i know from family to just classmates and i'm always left out . no one ever took what i feel seriously , the moment i get sad they say "it's really dumb to get sad because of this" and the moment i get angry they say "wtf is wrong with you get a hold of yourslef" . they won't even listen to the whole story and they just say this and then they say "well anyway you won't believe what happened to me at work...." .
i feel left out, did this trigger my depressive disorder ? yes i believe so . am i gonna do anything about it ? idk , i don't feel like it . at this point ,even i don't care about my feelings so why bother . | depression |
2 1/2 years of symptoms. Almost 3 years of therapy and 4 different types (talk therapy, edmr, brain spotting, CBT). three different therapists. Two different phsyciatrists. Two. Different SSRIs and still worsening PTSD. After all of this my symptoms are still getting progressively worse and worse and I’m losing hope. Has anyone else had any good experience with any other types of treatment. That at least stopped the progression? Help? | ptsd |
28M I hate living with autism. I have no self worth in turn no interest in talking to people and having relationships. I feel my life is meaningless and feel that I will live my life unsatisfied. I have few friends and many fractured relationships. I have done and tried almost 20 antidepressants in less than a decade. Meds didn’t help and made things worse. I feel that I’ll never be stable enough to connect with others and find something genuine. I feel like I have to be fake most the time to avoid my most worse issues. I feel the people here on this sub knows how I feel cause I have read some of your stories and always brought to tears. Just want some advice. | aspergers |
I have been referred to an expert ADHD psychiatrist. However, the soonest private visit (which costs €650 :( ) is going to be the end of 2022/ early 2023.
I have been struggling to the point where I want to make some accommodations with my boss (I am currently a PhD student). For this reason, I needed to get an official diagnosis. This is why I went to a psychologist.
Here is a list of reasons why I apparently don't have ADHD:
* [TITLE]
* "If you had ADHD, you wouldn't be able to do a PhD, or teach"
* "A person with ADHD cannot function, and you can"
* "You're able to make eye contact. You wouldn't be able to do that if you had ADHD, you probably have Aspergers"
He eventually agreed to test me for ADHD, but he said he will also test me for Aspergers. He said that the ADHD test is 580 (don't remember the exact number) true/false questions.
Is this a normal test? Should I go ahead with it? My current plan is to do so and, regardless of the outcome, I will still pursue the opinion of the expert ADHD psychiatrist.
EDIT: My fear is that the ADHD test he gives me is for children, and not for adults with ADHD. I also fear that it is some sort of trick, that if I'm able to answer 500+ questions then I clearly don't have ADHD. | ADHD |
It appears, knowing more about myself is always knowing more bad news.
A guy said to me, 'find yourself and find like minded people', buddy i am aching to change who i am, why would I want to embrace everything about me that causes me pain.
i love myself, but it seems, im like a painting no one buys. And i dont mean that to be dramatic.
I tried to turn everything around.
And believe me i tried with every fiber of my being. | depression |
It's gonna be hard to explain all this shit because most of it happened when I was 5-10
My mom made me go to a private school when I was 5. You'd probably think 5 year olds should still be in kindergarten, but no. My dumbass mom wanted her son to be special, so she placed me a year above where I was supposed to be. I was always behind everything, i didn't understand anything, I didn't pass anything, I did nothing.
And it resulted in all my classmates except me getting a medal I was so hurt when I didn't get anything.
So let's move on to my social life outside school
One day my 2 brothers decided it was time for them to take me outside I dont really remember how, but I made a lot of "friends" I say "friends" cause none of them were my friends at all. I would always get bullied and left out but young me would always wake up to a new day, and forget all the horrible shit they did to me. I stopped hanging out, and even going out. after one of my "friends" almost made me go blind on one eye by throwing a slipper to my face at full force
Lets move back to my school life.
I was transferred to a public school because my parents couldn't afford public school any longer, the public school was near my hometown so there were a lot of kids I knew there. One of my classmates were part of the very few group of people who were actually my friends. he introduced and took me around the school, he was the only one I hang out with for the entirety of third grade. But then I stopped hanging out with him after third grade, because we were placed in different classes, I never really understood why I did that. Maybe It was because I developed trust issues from my former "friends"
4-5th grade
I Made a new best friend I don't really know how (we were apparently fighting over our seats and made up) our friendship lasted 2 years it consisted of us just sitting in windy quiet places, skipping school at lunch break, and getting chased by 4th and 6th graders. We were kind of an asshole duo back then, we threw a rock at a 4th grader and she had her other 4th grader friends chase us.
This continued for about a year, and halfway through they got tired of chasing us and got 6th graders involved. I was always the scared one but my friend got a thrill out of it, he would always make them chase us if they stopped.
6th grade
Me and my best friend got placed in different classes probably because the teachers found us problematic. I tried to find him during the morning and saw him with another friend, I greeted him and his friend but they just awkwardly said they were gonna go somewhere to buy snacks. My best friend of 2 years just completely shunned me. I was in shock, like how many times is this shit gonna happen to me? I stopped talking to him after that I became a full blown loner so nothing interesting really happened through 6th grade, the only interesting thing that happened during 6th grade was covid. Since covid completely stopped f2f classes I downgraded from a loner to a shut-in. And since we only had modules and no online classes my social skills just got even worse
I was going through puberty during the pandemic and I slowly and slowly realized all the shit that I've been through, it was the lowest point of my life and I would cry silently every night I became so insecure that whenever my family members says something unclear my brain would always translate it to "useless" or "annoying" I developed anger issues and became distant to my family
Not to mention the fact that my closest brother died from dengue on summer 2018 right before my best friend stopped hanging out with me on at the start of the school year on 2019
My grammar sucks ass if I could explain it properly my life would sound like a villian backstory | depression |
Hello!
Tomorrow I'm meant to start Concerta for the first time, 18mg 1X per day.
I planned to run in the morning, nothing major, just a casual 3-5km.
Any runners here on stimulant meds? Does it affect you negatively in any way? I tend to work out a lot so I'd love to hear other's experiences. It's not something I thought to ask the prescribing doctor.
TIA | ADHD |
So I’ve been going to a therapist because I’ve been having OCD like symptoms. (Please keep in mind that I’ve only been for one session, so I have not yet been diagnosed with OCD) I have a really hard time explaining the intrusive thoughts that I have, mainly because I’m really ashamed of them, so it’s hard for my therapist to understand what exactly goes through my head. The thing is, a lot of the intrusive thoughts that I have are s3xual, and they cause me horrible anxiety. I’m really afraid to talk about it because I don’t want to sound like a predator. I’m so afraid that maybe I don’t have OCD, maybe I’m just a disgusting person. I’m also religious, so the thoughts really go against my beliefs in that way as well, which is another cause of anxiety for me. How can I talk to my therapist about this? I don‘t know how to get rid of the anxiety I have about talking to someone about that. | OCD |
Possible Trigger Warning)
A confession I don't often like to admit because men in my past have said this to me, and honestly it always, always went straight to my head. I often wonder...so am I really crazy?
In 2014 I was told I had PTSD (partially because of a one time domestic violence situation that I was in) also because of extremely stressful childhood situations. I notice myself having the urge to do OCD type things like hand washing often. Or catching myself counting random shit. The anxiety that seems to come along with PTSD feels like an internal panic attack. My insides are shaking, and my mind starts to think irrational thoughts. Is that the feeling of crazy? Where I'm internalizing, and trying to sift through situations in my life, almost as if I'm holding in the scream of a lifetime. I don't know if you've ever experienced sleep paralysis, but that's kinda what my really hard days are like.
The one thing that I feel, would probably lable me "crazy" is that I often have suicidal thoughts. It's not really that I want to die, I want to stop living in this mindset, I want to stop waking up every 3 hours a night, I really want to have a fulfilled life, yet I often feel hopeless and uncertain about achieving goals.I want to stop replaying events from my past and just live in the present. I read success stories about people who have overcome their biggest obstacles and giants, and feel free..that's all I want is to feel free again.
💛 | ptsd |
Hi. It's me again. Remember last time I posted to this sub when my sister played a song I absurdly hate? Well, it happened again. Only this time, it wasn't my sister that played it, it was the radio station I'm forced to hear on my school bus. My hands went so numb, it's not even funny. I EVEN TRIED TO BEND THE PHONE I'M WRITING THIS ON! I really hate this song, and I NEVER want to hear it again! Not tomorrow, next month, next year, next decade, next century, or even next millennium! I rather be rickrolled than have to be forced to listen to this!
P.S. This is the second time all year that I have heard it, and the first time I had to listen to it on my way to school AND be forced to listen to it from start to finish in 4 years! 4 YEARS! Just thinking about it is causing me headaches. And before you ask, the song is the title track of Bruno Mars' latest album (which doesn't include Silk Sonic). Oh, and it all happened one year to the day that Elinor Wonders Why made its debut on PBS Kids (a special interest of mine). | aspergers |
Does anyone else get a certain happiness in dreams that you can’t get in real life and if you have a dream like that then you wake up sobbing because you thought it was real | depression |
I found it really helpful to learn this simple breakdown of qualities that draw attention and focus: Interest, Challenge, Novelty, Urgency. I first learned about it in the early stages of my current relationship, one that escalated quickly in a super intense way, and it tickled me to realize our relationship checked all four of those boxes for me.
For those of you in successful long-term relationships, I’m curious how you manage to keep engaged with your partner. How many of these boxes do you check, and how do you check them? For us:
Interest: Obviously.
Challenge: He also has mental health challenges but in completely different ways than me. So learning about his mental illness, how it affects him, and how to handle him when he struggles, is very challenging. But it’s a challenge I am up for and he’s never been with someone who is so interested in how his brain works. The plus side is that it created the space for him to be very open and vulnerable with me in ways he hasn’t before. It’s pretty amazing.
Novelty: We met and started dating 5 months ago but I think we will be able to keep the novelty going because we both enjoy going on “adventures” to new, fun places and having deep conversations. And we also enjoy roleplay in the bedroom which was new to me when we started but I realize it’s perfect because it engages my creativity and we can be different people, so built-n novelty.
Urgency: When I first met him he was visiting family and friends for the first time since the pandemic and was planning on going back home (1500 miles away) in a couple months. So there was a built-in sense of urgency because our relationship had an expiration date. Once our connection reached a certain level we spent almost all our free time together. Now he’s back home doing 2 months of career training but is coming home on Christmas Eve and will be living with me. At that point there will be no more urgency but because of the other three I think that will be okay.
I’m interested to hear others’ experiences of how their relationships relate to these four things! | ADHD |
Title.
Used to be in HS and worked ~15 hrs/week. Struggled mildly with that and now that I'm in college and (trying to) work ~20 hrs/week, I am slowly and consistently declining in grades. I'm a straight-A student since I was born (sorry if that came off so arrogantly, not the intent there), but whenever I start to juggle school and a job, I completely lose all my future academic progress. I have a full ride scholarship and will lose it if I fall below a certain GPA. So far I'm alright, but if I keep going like this, I estimate I will lose my scholarship by December 2021. Ideally I'd love to work remotely, but have found no success in applying to jobs.
Help please. I'm in a rut and this is only my aspect of the story, my family is...in a position that makes it impossible for them to help me.
I need a job simply to keep an income for family expenses. It is required regardless, but if I must, I will withdraw from my work. I'm getting only 3-6 hrs of sleep typically as well, but (unfortunately) have now gotten used to that and I fear that may bring severe health consequences down the line.
How phucced am I? I have so much on my head I just wanna fkin hope for another $GME to bring me outta this hole (if you know, you know lmao) | aspergers |
We split up 7 years ago after 6 year relationship which was abusive, he isn’t exactly the cause of my ptsd but is greatly part of it. I haven’t had any illusive dreams (that I at least remember) for quite some time, I get flashbacks quite frequently that don’t emotionally affect me as much anymore usually from certain triggers but it’s the illusive dreams. I can’t deal with them because it’s a reminder I still deeply love my ex inside doesn’t matter how many years far apart I haven’t spoken to him since I left that door and he still appears now and then in my dreams which I become extremely emotionally violaile, what’s worse is this dream he wanted sex and I think that’s when my body realised it’s just a dream and woke itself up with this confused as fuck feeling. I have to hide it away from my current partner as feel like if I tell him I’m not in a good mood he will vibe from it and be snappy it’s not great after years of being diagnosed this still creeps back and since this morning my random flashbacks of things that happened have been occurring which are emotionally affecting me, my stress levels are high at the moment as taking exams (did one on Tuesday which I’m just fearful over) but it’s not that kinda stress level where I can’t handle myself but it seems my mind saying other things. /rant | ptsd |
My high school is a "self directed" program with very little actually scheduled and a lot of student choice, which is very helpful for me, however lunch period is very strictly enforced due to concerns about limited table space in the cafeteria. I get 45 minutes which has to include so many tasks before I can start eating and so many tasks after finishing that it works out to less than 30 minutes to actually eat, and I have attempted to bring this up to staff and been told that 45 minutes is already more than others get and a very special accommodation, and they can't give me more time because this is a hard limit handed down from administration.
I have been told if I continue failing to return to the classroom in time or fail to complete any of the cleanup tasks, then I will lose cafeteria privileges, which I can only assume means losing lunch period entirely since students are locked out of my classroom at lunch period and no other options have ever been offered for places to eat.
Has anyone else experienced this? Can you give some advice for either getting accommodations from admin (this is a government funded Catholic school in Canada, for purposes of what rights I have legally/what I can threaten to do in order to scare admin into accommodating), or training to eat faster if it's not possible to convince admin to accommodate this? | aspergers |
I’ve got an appointment to be assessed in 40 minutes and i just needed to rant and get this off my chest.
- i’ve seen so many appointment horror stories of doctors dismissing possible symptoms because of good grades and non-disruptive behaviour at school and this terrifies me. what if this doctor is the same?
i can’t afford to go see another one if he is one of them.
- i’m also afraid that he will just dismiss my ADHD symptoms as symptoms of my social anxiety (which has no correlations but this is still a big fear of mine)
- forgetting symptoms and being terrible at explaining things. i have the tendency to make things sound less severe than they really are because of how horribly i explain things. i hope this doesn’t affect the diagnosis outcome.
- i have almost no memory of childhood so he will have to ask my mum about how symptoms presented when i was a child. she is very against any possibility that her child suffers from disorder.
i’ll update this later after the appointment is over :)
UPDATE: it was most of what i expected unfortunately :(
he only focused on my grades and if i was disruptive in class. answering those questions made me feel like fraud for having average grades and non-hyperactive behaviour. i was never asked about more symptoms or how it affects my life since childhood until now because the only thing he would talk about were my grades and social anxiety (which does not affect any other aspect of my life other than my social relationships).
i know this might be dramatic but i honestly feel like crying, this feels impossible. i feel invalidated and like a fraud.
but maybe he was right, maybe it’s just my lack of sleep that’s affecting my ability to focus and executive function for years.
i have booked another appointment next week so he can analyse my grades 😐😐
i cant wait to be invalidated again. | ADHD |
For idk why I just logged back into my IG account and saw that. Didn't even say anything before she left. Now my soul has been sucked out of my body but I couldn't tell anyone about it.
She used to be very kind to me but eventually she started being harsh towards me and she clearly knows I have depression. Like how tf is it so hard just to say something nice to someone instead she always tells me I shouldn't post depressing text on my story like BRUH IT'S MY ACCOUNT, WHY CAN'T I TELL PEOPLE HOW I FEEL and it's not like people in real life would listen or take me seriously anyways. Ok fine maybe I shouldn't and when I did prior to her blocking me the text did sounded pretty aggressive. But I didn't name anyone. What I said was I hate being told that I shouldn't post stuff and the tip that asks you to write a journal because the whole point of me writing stuff is for someone to see it. Because writing shit and keeping it will not solve the problem, not like it will magically go away if I wrote my thoughts in a journal. She probably felt like she got called out, because that's literally what she said and is probably mad about it.
Her friend told me that she left social media for a while but like come on if you need to take a break from socMed why block someone, and WHY IS IT SPECIFICALLY ME THAT GOT BLOCKED??
Like she constantly expects me to understand her but even if she can't help can she at least be considerate about how I feel and act based on that. There has been quite a few times where even if I tried to talk nicely she always sounded harsh, and sometimes even changes topics. Like that's disrespectful as fuck and I have to pretend it's fine because I don't want to end up being the asshole by confronting her about it. I also feel bad if I tried to tell her because then she would come up with certain excuses then me would have to understand it and a few days later I would keep thinking about it and eventually realize it's probably a lie.
I can't bear to lose a friend because at the end it is still someone I've made memories with but I had enough. I wonder what should I do once she come back, talk to her nicely about it or straight up confront her because I had enough. Then I would regret doing both and wished I did the other one. I think I'm really being too soft here. I don't care if she's like 2 years older. If you expect someone else to respect you then you should understand and respect the other person too.
I'm not saying I'm completely in the right here. But I feel like what she has done has definitely added to the problem. I don't know what to do next and I need help by the Reddit community. | depression |
Does anyone else experience being/ having deer in headlights experiences ? Where my mind just turns off in the middle of any random thing. It’s most detrimental when it happens while I’m interacting with my wife. I think I’m completely in capable of thought or communication. My mind is just turned off. I don’t know what causes this and I don’t know how to snap out of it when it happens.  | ADHD |
I personaly use CBD products, my favorite way of consuming it is smoking cbd flower. I tend not to use anything with thc because of how panicky it makes me feel. Cbd helps with my anxiety and according to studies smoking marijuana can help with people who are diagnosed within the autistic spectrum. But i wanna hear your guys thoughts about it. Do you smoke weed or use cbd products like i do? If so, how does it help you? | aspergers |
I’ve let the negativity take a huge grasp on my life. I got lost. I couldn’t find my way home and I haven’t had any guidance to get better. All the words that were ever spoken to me just haven’t been enough. All generic bs from family and friends isn’t gonna help me and I’ve explained that too many times to count. They get mad when I bring up the fact that I’m getting closer and closer to hitting rock bottom everytime the sun goes down. I’m still some sick mistake of a human in their eyes. I’m always told that I’m going to get better and that I have everyone’s support but that’s just not the case anymore. I’ve spent thousands of dollars on therapy and medication just for none of it to work. The people in my life just continue to watch me struggle every day and night. I’ve just become a burden in their lives. Even my wife doesn’t even want to be around me anymore. I can’t even remember the last time I was told “I love you”.
I’m hungry for love and support and I haven’t found it. I’ve been searching for a very long time and I’m dying everytime I go out to find me a piece of it.
Yes, I’ve done my fair share in fucking up some relationships with family and friends, but I’ve always put all of my strength and patience into fixing them, yet nobody wants to accept me back. I feel like i failed and I can’t live with the failure anymore. I’m like a car trying to run on an empty gas tank. And even now, with how empty I am, I still give my loved ones things to feed off of. I can’t do this anymore. I want to leave this world behind and I don’t think I would feel bad about it. Idk what is holding me back. I know it’s not my wife or son. They don’t even associate themselves with me anymore.
I’m angry. I’m tired. I’m ready to go. | depression |
I have been struggling with my classes lately, and with life in general. I have only one class but is a really boring and hard one, yet I was managing to stay up to date... Until I didn't. I'm just two weeks away from finishing my semester, but I just crashed. I can't seem to finish the only two assignments I have left, because I need my tutor to help me but I can't even get myself to make an appointment with him because... I don't even know why, but I can't. This sucks.
Just today I realized I can ask my mom to make the appointment, but now is so late that I find it so awkward.
I mean, I know everything I need to do to help me get through this next weeks, but I'm still laying in bed useless without being able to do anything other than watch Netflix. At least my cat is making me company, that's cute.
I write to see if anybody is going through something similar, or if there is any advice | ADHD |
Hello,
I have periods where people reach out to me on social media and/or messengers (WhatsApp, Viber, Telegram) to congratulate me on a post or photos I share of an event etc...Do you feel overwhelmed and pressure ?
In my case I am single and when girls reach out to me I just can't handle it (internally I'm overwhelmed, but still answer rtc6)...and feel the burden to chose who I have to be dating and endup thinking whether she is going to be the perfect wife...just after she says "hello" on messenger. It just overwhelms me.
Anyone with such experience ? | aspergers |
"You must do this. I dont know why, dont ask me just do it."
Weird stuff. | OCD |
Does anybody else ever get a delayed trigger response? I read something triggering yesterday and was (kind of) okay but today I had a sudden mood swing right into anger/frustration/depression/ numbness out of nowhere. | ptsd |
I'm 24, have been a failure for over a decade, and am just sick of it all. When I looked up to see how much it cost to kill yourself painlessly, the price was both ridiculous and, apparently, people will either try to convince me not to (do they think i haven't thought about ending my life for years? I think about it every goddamn day and I've just- I'm so tired)
Logically, offing myself is the right decision when i look at the long-term effects. I die, mother gets the rest of my piddly cash, and it's just enough to pay some of the bills (which would hopefully be lighter due to her not having to help support me as well). Sure, she'll miss me. Maybe. But the price of living would be much cheaper for her...
I'm not really sure what to do anymore. My anger issues, while not having led to physical violence, tend to lead to depression and vice versa. It's just a cycle.
Yeah, I.. I don't know what to do anymore. | depression |
usually itll be worse after i play a horror game or watch something even a little scary but when i shut my eyes or ill be on my other side facing the wall, i will literally get intrusive thoughts that theres someone or something behind me like some sleep paralysis shadow demon or something and then despite how close i am to falling asleep, i have to open my eyes and turn around to make sure nothing is there. this happens like 5+ times on some nights. its literally fucking stupid | OCD |
I’ve been petrified of getting less that 8hrs of sleep a night for about 3 years now.
Because of this, I have been sleeping 9+ hours, but usually 11 per night.
I don’t know what I thought would happen if I got 6 or 7 hours, but my brain was certain that I would spontaneously combust, or at the very least do a shit job at work and get myself fired.
A couple nights ago I was watching the 9/11 Hulu documentary while on the phone with my mom. We were watching together until around 2am. After I got off the phone and realized what time it was, I panicked and jumped into bed. I thought about calling off work or asking to come in a few hours late due to a “personal issue”.
My fear of disappointing my boss and coworkers overruled, so I set my alarm for 6:30am as usual.
I woke up 4.5 hours later to my alarm and looked around to make sure everything was okay. I got up, fed my cats, got dressed and got in the car.
Truthfully I was expecting to fall asleep at the wheel because I didn’t get my 8hrs. To my surprise, I felt totally awake! I got to work fine and had a really productive day!!
I couldn’t believe how safe I was that day. I couldn’t believe I could function as well as I could any other day.
That night I fell asleep in time to get my 8+ hours out of habit, but my brain wasn’t bugging me or taunting me.
I feel incredible and in control. I hope this feeling sticks. | OCD |
I have HOCD and the past few weeks it's been terrible. A few hours ago I got a thought that my parents wouldn't like me anymore if I was gay, no idea where it came from but it did, I had this thought before but it never led to anything but this time it broke me. I went to look up internalized homophobia as from what I looked up of it before it links into it and saw some examples that people might overachieve or underachieve to outweigh that they might not be accepted as being gay which led to another breakdown and me thinking that I relate to those examples. First time I looked it up a while ago I never found it to apply to me anyway and I still don't but I guess it's now yet another thing to worry about. About 30 mins ago I go to empty the bins at a weird time (12am) as they are full, and I end up getting a thought that I'm taking them out to overachieve to outweigh that I'm gay. I'm not even mad anymore I just find it insane how ridiculous some of these thoughts are and how something as simple as emptying the bins can go as far as telling me that I'm gay. I say that now but I'll probably have another thought like this in some time and end up spiralling again | OCD |
I’ve been having apart from the intrusive thoughts about paedophilia I got an intrusive thought about zoophilia, and although I felt scared and I feel kind of uncomfortable around my dogs. I don’t feel as anxious as I am when I developed POCD, I still feel uncomfortable because I get these unwanted images, but I don’t doubt myself as much as I did with the POCD. Does this mean something am I faking one or the other, because I’m still terrified of the POCD. Or more so the probability that I might be one, I’m scared I might get aroused around kids or do something. I avoid them completely. I’m getting groinal responses and sometimes I don’t react to them and then I get scared what if I stop checking I might get aroused. I’m so scared of these thoughts. And I read about paedophiles who don’t want their thoughts or feel distressed and I get so scared. Like to the point where I read that paedophiles know without a doubt that they like kids. And I was calm for like a second because I was like “I don’t like kids”, but then I start doubting myself and I don’t know myself anymore. What if it’s all a lie? What if it’s not OCD? What if I want to believe it’s OCD and am in denial? Please I can’t do this anymore? I’m scared of both of these thoughts but one feels so real it’s so scary. I can’t I’d rather be dead than be a paedophile. | OCD |
I got diagnosed last year, age 35.
Since I was a kid I have had a hyper-sexual vibe. Mostly it was fun, sometimes it was too much.
When I was in my mid 20s, I just freaked out and went to the 12 steps.
At the meetings, I brutally turned off my sexuality.
It felt kind of good - 12 steps style, spiritual awakening, sense of peace and focus etc.
But then... my life just went kind of fucked up. Boring, anxious, a sense of it not really being integrated properly. I developed intense OCD as well. Lonely. Hardly ever FUN.
A massive repression of my sexuality, basically.
\---- NOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. ----
Since getting diagnosed, put on medication that stabilises my dopamine levels, found more balance in the rest of my life, I've found that my sexuality has come back online.
It's fun! I feel alive again.
But... *i'm scared.*
I wonder if anyone else who was diagnosed has found a balance with hypersexuality, where it more or less works out? | ADHD |
Im losing hope rapidly. R a p i d l y.
I wrote a suicide note last weekend and after a long cry and a drive around town later, I told myself that I would keep trying. and in this past week Ive had the very few people in my life flake on me, ignore me, forget about me and this new girl I met at the gym blocked my number a day after she gave it to me! I even went out of my way to text everyone and make plans and no one was there for me. I dont know what to do this makes me feel like shit. I am trying to be here so no one gets hurt but no ones here for me. | depression |
I repressed my trauma for a long time before realizing it. Because of this, my therapist warned me that I would begin to discover triggers. Songs, phrases, smells, etc. Discovering the trigger is helpful, bc I know what to avoid but it also sucks bc obviously it’s a trigger.
My response is freeze. It’s like my brain goes offline for a moment and my vision blurs. My face contorts into a contempt scowl with wide eyes and I’m stuck. Even when I do “unfreeze”, my face stays the same for a while. I only realized that today. My girlfriend snap chatted me and called me a pet name my abuser would call me and I froze for a bit. I wound up sending back a picture of my hand bc my face looked so upset and I couldn’t change it.
I hate that my response is freeze. I go completely numb. I can’t move to change a song or look away or anything until it passes. I hate triggers. | ptsd |
Hi guys!
I'm being admitted to a clinic soon. I'm gonna have to stay there for x amount of time and can go home on the weekends.
I'm honestly so scared.. I've been using all kinds of meds, been to so many institutions, had different kinds of therapy over the past 10 years. So I'm pushing myself to go to the clinic, even though I really don't want to. (I have several mental illnesses, not just anxiety and OCD). I can't find reviews on the location which makes me even more nervous. And they called me, but I didn't answer because I'm too scared. On monday I'm seeing one of my therapists (other institution) and she'll call them for me.
Anyone here that has been in a clinic for ocd treatment?
Any words to calm my nerves a bit?
Please share ur experiences, good or bad, all fine.
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lots of love and try to keep your beautiful heads up,
Kayleigh | OCD |
So I'm missing all of my memory from about before the age of 8. I've pieced together that I was showing rather significant signs of sexual abuse around 3.5-4 years old. I've had flashbacks in the past in reaction to visuals and smells, but they presented themselves as sudden emotional ruptures and delusions (feeling as though my boyfriend, ex, was my attacker). I did not recall anything visually, therefore still dont know shit. However, a couple months ago, I had a very vivid dream of an event that happened in my life- walking into the bathroom and watching my father angrily pulling nonestop on my brothers ear so hard that it started detaching at the skin- I could see it all. Then I brought it up to my parents and they're like oh ya that happened. You remember that?? So basically, I dreamed up a memory I had suppressed.
Now, I've also always been obsessed with bathrooms as a kid and as a young adult I developed severe bathroom phobias that appeared as random (no cause). The problem is that I've have multiple dreams that I'm raped in a bathroom and I'm younger than my age in all of them. The most recent one involving a grandparent of mine and within the dream, a strong feeling of it having happened before and it being familiar to me. I was in the shower, and he snuck into the bathroom and got in there with me. Then he started trying to convince me to be silly with him and to put his finger in my mouth. I thought it was really weird behavior and I said no, and then he raped me and I was trying to get away. This grandpa recently died and was always an odd man but I dont recall him ever being over often. None of us were close with him and not even my mother was. He was a drunk.
But basically I have no idea anymore what are dreams and what are memories trying to come back to me. It's honestly really bothersome. | ptsd |
OCD you sneaky devil you weren’t being cautious. So I’ve gained another sexual theme that has started giving me anxiety and I noticed something, when I thought about my previous sexual theme I felt nothing, no anxiety no groinal response, actually I felt a bit of disgust and I kind of realised that OCD only really makes the things you’re currently worried about feel real, as I thought of the things that didn’t worry me anymore I felt nothing, kinda caught it in the act I was just like “wait a minute...” it’s kind of funny but terrifying at the same time | OCD |
Hey everyone! I have been on concerta for about a week now and I have honestly never felt better. I had a severe TBI when I was about 7 that required extensive surgery and rehab, my mom always told me that she felt like something changed but could never put her finger on it. I wasn’t a great student in middle school or high school but I wasn’t stupid at all, I cared a lot about science and got good grades in those classes but barely passed math, or English (literature.) I joined the army after high school as a medic and found my place in the world but keep in mind this whole 10 year period I had a bad habit where I would pick at the skin on my fingers until I would bleed, I was also very very depressed. I was put on Zoloft which made me even more depressed, and was put on Effexor right before I started nursing school. Effexor helped but I still honestly felt horrible, no thought that I ever had resulted in an action, things as simple as doing laundry made me feel like I was about to launch nuclear missiles. I work for my PCP as an MA and over the last few months I’ve been suffering, I do well in school because I care ALOT about school but I struggled in every single facet of life outside of that. I always felt like a lazy bum who could just not make up his mind. My doctor and I came to the decision to get me tested and low and behold I definitely have it. Holy balls guys, I have never felt this good, 15 years later I feel like a human being that can do things. I don’t feel like I need a nap immediately upon getting to work, I get my shit done, then I go home to do more things. For once in my life I don’t feel depressed or anxious about the simplest things. I just wanted to share with everyone because of how GOOD that I feel for once. | ADHD |
I sometimes wish I cease to exist.
Even though I know I should be grateful for being alive, healthy and safe. | depression |
Curious how those of you out there with this type of ocd overcome it? I struggle with fears of chemical contamination/poisoning from being around everyday things like cleaners, car fumes, smoke, plastics, burnt food, the list goes on and on.
You wouldn’t really want to expose yourself to these things on purpose as that could actually be harmful, so what tools would work? Acceptance, or something like that? How do you find balance?
Thank you! | OCD |
Basically the title.
I joined a group near me for young adults and meeting others on the spectrum at the group feels like a burden has been lifted off of me from having to engage with nt's 24/7.
It's predominantly for level 1's and 2's, solely because of the varying support requirements but I'm sure in the future there'll be more opportunities for level 3's to participate or even all levels to gather together!
The group goes for like an hour-ish and follows a schedule because otherwise we would all become hyperfocused on whatever topic is being talked about.
If you need a social outlet for one reason or the other, I really can't recommend finding one of these groups enough.
Some people in the group have even come from a fair while away, so if you have access to travel via train, bus or private transport by all means. | aspergers |
I've been growing increasingly frustrated over time by this sense that I have no personality. I can put one on, I make people laugh, I have lots of interests and do lots of things that make other people think I must be full of confidence and drive... Yet when I look inside myself, all I can sense is blankness. I don't feel much of anything. I have had depression and anxiety before, so I'm on meds for those, but this happened before the medication.
When I was younger I masked a lot, so my personality was very much a mish-mash of what I noticed worked for other people. When I finally allowed myself to take the mask off, I found that what lay underneath was....well, nothing. When I go out and find myself in a crowd of people, I end up falling in between the cracks of conversations i.e. two people on both sides of me talking to each other and me stuck in the middle, quietly thinking about nothing in particular. It is the most depressing feeling because it doesn't feel like anything at all, not even sadness. It's like my brain, when not being put to use engaging with people, is constantly wrapped in cotton wool and stuck in 'rest' mode. It's a constant effort to maintain any sort of engagement with the world around me, so when I have the opportunity to step away I do.
I guess what I'm asking here is - does anyone else feel this way? I'm afraid it's the reason I've never had a relationship, because I have no real opinions or thoughts or personality without making conscious effort, which is so exhausting. When I'm alone, I don't think about much and it's like my mind is in full relaxation. It's such a nice feeling and yet I hate being like this. I wish my brain didn't work this way. | aspergers |
Has anyone had real success maintaining a romantic relationship? | ptsd |
Okay, so I have been diagnosed with ADHD since the 4th grade (I am 22/F now just for the record). I have always been searching for the best ways to keep myself focus and to cope with my ADHD instead of just trying to "cure" it. However, I feel like some of the common mechanisms just actually distract me more: especially noise canceling headphones.
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I know they are supposed to help, but I feel like noise canceling headphones make things even worse. Starting off, I have a pressure feeling in my head every time I wear them that is distracting from the start. Then, I think since my brain is always craving stimulation, I get more thrown off by the lack of sound than if I just had my natural surroundings making noise.
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Does anyone else in the ADHD community experience this? Or does anyone have any advice on how to make these my friend? I just want to know I am not alone! | ADHD |
I feel like this might be the right place to post. And it’s mostly more a vent/support then anything else.
Back in February my boyfriend and I were ripped out of my house in the middle of the night with half our pets cause the neighbour’s house lit fire. By the time the cop got there it was already touching mine.
He’d just moved in. A month prior. We have 5 animals.
I had to leave my cats inside.
Ever since. I’m just not okay.
I am not.
I lost pretty much everything that night.
The house Id just bought, my security, my happiness. My things.
I’m tired of people telling me I’m not my things. That I’m more then that.
Now I’m off work, for the second time trying to “heal” and I don’t even know where to begin. I don’t know how. I sit and look around at what I’ve replaced and it’s not “mine”.
I cry at random, I’m constantly worried my boyfriend is going to leave me, I kicked him out already and so we are basically back to square one. I’m not allowed my pets at the rental. My counsellor had to leave so I need to see a new one soon.
When does it get better?!!
How does it get better?!
I just feel like a broken shell of a human, and I’ll never get the pre fire me back. | ptsd |
I joined this subreddit maybe a month ago? It’s made me realize that a lot of the problems I have may be caused by my ADHD and I didn’t realize it. (I’m pretty oblivious to the obvious sometimes) it’s made me consider talking to my “anxiety doctor” about considering ADHD meds. I took them from ages 7-I think 14ish. I never saw a specialist for years and my meds were prescribed by my family doctor to which over the years I’ve begun realizing just how over prescribed I was. I was nearing 100mg as a 70-100lbs kid at 4-5feet. I felt like a zombie nearly everyday but when I forgot to take them I couldn’t control myself. In middle school I decided it’d be a good idea to try and join the military after I graduated which required me to drop my meds. (Military didn’t work out) over those years I worked on myself and believe I’ve come a long way but like my anxiety I feel like I have hit a wall. I was reluctant to even take anxiety meds but my life has changed for the better which is another reason I’ve been considering talking to my doctor about it. I just don’t know how to feel and you all seem like a supportive group and I wanted to see what you guys thought. Sorry for the rambling pretext. | ADHD |
Can someone please explain the difference and give examples?
I think I have both but idk which are o and which are c | OCD |
I was born into what used to be called a middle class family, at least on the surface. My dad is a Vietnam vet, ex-Marine, hard alcoholic. My mom is a covert narcissist, used me as a surrogate husband when my dad was out at the bar with his sluts. She spent every cent he made in order to punish him. So, yeah, technically "middle class" but effectively poverty. I got beat up a lot at school, nobody cared. I have a lot of mental health issues, but my family didn't believe in therapy, God is the only therapy anyone needs. So I turned to God, repeatedly, I still have scars on my knees from praying/begging. God never answered. He hates me too. Life is a steaming pile of shit nobody asked for.
Now I'm in my 40s, can't hold a job, my life is pretty much done. I hate humanity and God, or whatever, with everything I am. What next? Suicide? Nah...that's way too human, and I hate humans. I spent all of 2020 and 2021 learning how to be homeless. I want to watch the Empire fall. I want to watch humanity suffer. I want to watch everyone in church praying to their God and realize slowly that He doesn't exist. Nobody is coming to save them. They will suffer for a fiction. And I will enjoy every second. 😀🍿 | depression |
Okay, so this is going to sound a bit scummy/entitled, but I'm saying it anyway... 😬
Does anyone know any (financial or otherwise), straightforward benefits that are available to claim for in the UK, for people with adult ADHD?
I've looked into it a bit, but it doesn't seem that there is any help available. I've just applied for a form for 'pip', but I highly doubt I'll be awarded anything. I will do my best to explain how legitimately debilitating ADHD/symptoms are for me, but I'm sure that won't make a difference.
Some other examples:
I'm positive that a blue badge would help me immensely (driving/parking causes me lots of stress and trouble), but you need some sort of mobilty benefit to get one (catch 22). A bus pass would be helpful in this case, but that's not available for ADHD in my area.
Even silly (but honestly helpful) things like 'fast track' passes at theme parks etc. need proof of a disability benefit, as far as I can tell. Yet, everyone and his dog seems to have one these days.
I'm so irrationally infuriated that I know people who are wilfully exploiting the benefit system, easily, and feel I actually DO need this help that is provided to others. But, I have no access to it, as far as I can tell.
Any advice? Either 'perks' (for MUCH want of a better word) that we *are* fully entitled to, to make life a bit easier struggling this condition. Or, how to get over this annoyed 'not fair' attitude?
Thanks so much. Sorry for being so blunt x | ADHD |
I was first diagnosed with PTSD about two years after both trauma events. When I was younger I was great at stuffing my emotions inside and pretend nothing was happening; meaning I ignored it. Now, I feel like I literally can’t keep it together longer than a week without having some type of “freak out”. I’m getting discouraged that something is seriously wrong with me. I wake up every single day in a panic, I never know where I am. I literally can’t trust anyone and I’m always thinking I’m in danger. It’s effecting my relationships. Romantic and friendly. I keep pushing people away and idk how to stop. I just want the symptoms to stop. I’m getting so mentally exhausted. I have no one. | ptsd |
So for the last few months intrusive thoughts have not shut up. They're usually violent ones and they really worry me, I thought this might be the place to ask for tips or help. | OCD |
Hi All,
Are there any Ultrarunners or other Endurance Athletes here on ADHD medication? If so how do you handle your meds alongside training?
I ran my first Ultra on Sunday, 55km, mostly road with a 5 mile sections of trails which included most of the 3000ft ascent. It went really well and I ran 7hr 22min and was going strong at the end. Obviously been tired since but was able to walk home and keep up my daily running fine (albeit 1 slow mile a day). I noticed however that post race I didn't have much appetite and my sleep was very fragmented despite feeling tired. I eat fine immediately after the race and that evening but Monday and Tuesday I had slightly below normal appetite. Due to a miscommunication with my GP I had no meds on Wednesday and my appetite returned a bit (though still not the ravenous cravings I expected after an Ultra) and I was able to nap and sleep mostly through the night.
​
I'm now wondering if I should have skipped meds during the initial recovery stage? Loss of appetite and sleep issues after long distance races isn't uncommon. Having that much adrenaline and cortisol in your veins for so long can mess up your system. I've also heard that if you fuel well during the race it can take your body a while to process all the sugar and other carbs going through it. But I wonder if the Elvanse might have made it worse or masked appetite and sleepiness.
​
Anyone got advice or personal experience with this? | ADHD |
Hello friends! A quick back story about myself; I'm 32 years old, I've struggled all of my life with anxiety, sensory processing differences, social challenges, and difficulty with executive functions. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 23 and while that diagnosis was able to explain some experiences, I never felt like it offered a complete picture. After struggling immensely, I finally took matters into my own hands and started researching. That research led me to autism and offered a completely new lens to view my life through. I went through the assessment process in the fall and was officially diagnosed with ASD level 1 (formally known as Asperger’s syndrome) in early December. I can't help but feel pissed though...
I shouldn't have had to go 32 years before finally receiving some level of clarity when I obviously portrayed VERY classic signs of autism as a child. I was the child who was "too much" and this bled into my self identity (or lack thereof). I began to hate myself because I could never get it right and despite trying harder than everyone else, I was still failing at basic tasks. Friends, context is everything. Had I known MY brain worked differently, I would have been able to try doing things in a way that better supported those differences. I'm pissed that I got missed because I'm a girl born in the 80’s when girls couldn’t have autism… can you feel my eye roll? I can’t help but wonder how many more of us are out there, struggling without knowing why. I know that awareness is slowly growing on how girls/women present on the spectrum but we need more… we deserve more.
I don't know if my voice will make any difference but I want to try. I've created a Youtube channel to share my story and information on how females on the spectrum present but I want to hear from other girls/women because our experiences are all so different. When you were learning about ASD, would you have rather had someone speaking directly to you about experiences or speaking to educate those around you? What did you need to see in those early days of your discovery? | aspergers |
I have no reason to be depressed, I've been successful by all measures my entire life. I was an excellent student, great at sports, have always been popular and liked, etc. I managed to get into an fantastic college and all I've heard for years is that I'll be tremendously successful. But I've never been particularly happy. I could go into details, but to put things succinctly, I've been on academic probation several times now, it's been months since I've taken interest in any of my classes or extracurriculars, I sleep much of the day and drink myself to sleep most nights. Tomorrow I have a final that I'm completely unprepared for and have no chance of passing. When I fail, per school policy, I'll be asked to take an involuntary leave of absence for a year. Nobody, parents and friends included, has any idea that I'm doing this poorly, they all think things are going tremendously. I don't know what's going to happen in a week when my parents are notified and I have to explain to my roommates why I'm suddenly moving out or to my friends of high school why I'm back home. This is going to be a permanent blemish on my record too. I've never been particularly ambitious, so the diminished career prospects don't even bother me that much, I just don't know how I'll ever put anything together again. I feel like I'll never be able to regain the respect of my friends or parents. | depression |
I’m going on 11 years of being diagnosed with depression. I’ve always been able to push it to the back of my mind and sluggishly get through my days.
Five months ago, my best friend of six years blamed me for something I didn’t do and just stopped talking to me. I can’t explain the intensity of our relationship- but she was the only family I had. I’ve been so lost these past five months and losing her has caused me to dive deeper and deeper.
I don’t have any other friends, we had mostly the same circle so they left me when she did. I can’t do anything but lay around all day and fight the urge to cry- and I don’t even know why. I want her back in my life but I’m not sure if it’s possible, but then I’m also so pissed that I’m this disposable to her, because she NEVER would have been to me. Even now.
Im laying on the floor where I’ve been for the last two days because I don’t have energy or effort. I don’t have an appetite, I have no drive to go to work, and I failed this semester of college. I don’t know how to move forward.. | depression |
Hello everyone!
I'm 25 years old, female, and when I was 18, I unfortunately was a witness to a murder that happened in broad daylight in a public place, to someone not 10 feet from me. Hate to say it but I can still hear the screams/sounds he made easily. We had to wait in the room for hours while police did their business and this poor man's fiance loudly grieved. Obviously this was an extremely traumatizing event, and although I felt unaffected by it for some time, after a few months I began to notice myself being suspicious of everyone and everything, and thinking often about death.
The worst thing that came from this was very severe health anxiety that arose from very real symptoms of a very real heart condition that I have, but went undiagnosed for years because all the doctors saw was my panic and concluded there was nothing wrong with my heart. I had no idea what was going on other than I felt my heart beating abnormally and it made me feel ill and so I would have 12 hour long panic attacks every single day, and I went to the ER some 20 times in one year which put me in debt that i'm still paying for. When I was finally diagnosed after a doctor hearing my heart murmur in a routine checkup, and had my condition explained, most of my anxiety went away as I understood what my symptoms meant and no longer believed I was going to drop dead at any moment.
Now, I don't have panic attacks from health anxiety specifically but basically anything that feels like even a small probability threat to my life or someone else's sends me into a spiral. I am afraid of every man I see, and any time any man, even someone I trust, raises their voice, I panic and end up in crying fits. If i hear a sudden loud noise I am shaken for hours on end. I constantly wonder if someone has a gun. If someone acts angry or erratic in public I start looking for an exit because I think they're going to shoot everyone.
I almost refuse to go out anywhere alone. I pretty much only go out with my boyfriend. He grabs things we need on his way home from work, or I made delivery orders. I won't go out at night at all, even with him.
At home, I pretty regularly think I am smelling something dangerous. No explanation for what, though. Any time I am driving and i smell anything unusual I go into a panic thinking my car will explode and kill me.
A brand new irrational fear that has cropped up arose when I awoke one morning to my electric water heater making a loud noise. It scared me so badly that I threw on the first clothes I saw, grabbed my phone and wallet and ran out to my car, unwashed, teeth unbrushed to hide there. I saw there was a plumber there, who must have been working in someone else's apartment and figured he turned off the water supply to the building and the sound I heard was it turning back on. I was ok after that. However, the next morning I heard it again, even though there were no plumbers around. My mind started to run and wonder. I did hours and hours of research. I wake up to the tiniest sound, it could literally make the tiniest tap or click and it would wake me up somehow. Although there are zero signs of it having any issues besides me hearing small sounds here and there, I am terrified it will explode, because I do not have an extremely clear explanation for what exactly I am hearing no matter what I google. I recognize how irrational this is but I can't shake it. These are the kinds of things that happen to me all the time... I even called a plumber, told them I'd like to have the heater flushed as I had never done it in the 2 years i've been here, and they said ok, but when the plumber came out, He literally just looked at it from 10 ft away, told me you don't actually have to flush water heaters actually, charged me 170 bucks and then left. He did not sound like he knew what he was talking about at all, but I am too non confrontational and emotional to refuse to pay him so I paid him like an idiot.
Sometimes I think that I am ridiculous and the degree to which I am hypervigilant is unexplainable by my PTSD. Yes I do have triggers specific to the actual traumatic event that happened to me, but what I am scared of on a day to day basis is not specifically being murdered, it's just dying at all. I think about the fragility of life and how it could be taken away in an instant, all the time. I imagine tragedies, all the time. It's exhausting. | ptsd |
I spent most of my life undiagnosed for ADHD, but it greatly affected my life. The main reason it went undiagnosed is the lack of acknowledgement in most representations of ADHD that it doesn't always mean they're bouncing off the walls for some people, coupled with the fact that the biggest example they had of ADHD (my brother) is on the complete opposite side of the spectrum. I genuinely believed just cause I could focus on video games for hours upon hours, that made it impossible. But, over the last two years (I think) I've become a lot more informed on it, and at some point after a few weeks of research I presented it to my parents and said it explained a lot and that I really needed help. At first they dismissed me, my mom did some research though and has been pretty supportive since. I've been on medication (though never stimulants. not our choice... doctor refused to put me on them and we're looking for a new one now) and it didn't do a whole lot for me other than affect my appetite a lot and, on a specific dose when we tried to increase, make me very depressed and irritable. My brother has tried stimulants when he was a lot younger though and supposedlyy my brother was so violent on stimulants that he tried to choke me in front of a grocery store.
They haven't seen much good of what medication can do, I guess. So despite me, as someone with ADHD, being able to very clearly see that my father has it, and that it seems to be ruining his life - when I tell him he really should get diagnosed and try to get help, he refuses. He says the side effects are not worth it, and that he's "fine." He seems to accept he does have it, and he's become more open minded with me and agrees that I should have it since I want it (not necessarily that I need it) but I cannot seem to convince him to see anybody about it. I understand that for some people the side effects genuinely aren't worth it, but he may not even have any negative side effects. Recently he's been going through a lot and I think plenty of it is to blame on his ADHD and the coupled anxiety he very clearly has. How in the world do I convince him to at LEAST give it a try? | ADHD |
Hi guys! I have been recently diagnosed and my psychiatrists prescribed me antidepressants and ever since I started using them I seem to have problems with peeing. I feel like I really need to, but when I go it just doesnt come out for a reaaally long time. Can anyone relate? Thanks! 😬 | OCD |
I'm 27 going through a divorce. Went from feeling normal for 5 years and having a house, wife, dog, cats, and an easy job to only having a cat in a flash. I got horrible internal prolapsing hemorrhoids that because of covid, I have had to wait over a year to start getting treatment for. In the process it caused me to lose my job and then my wife.
So once it all went up in smoke I only had 1 place to live and that was with my mother. I had forgotten how crazy my Mormon mother was. She tries to treat me like I am 6. While I am in daily discomfort and pain I feel as though I can't get anywhere or get better physically or mentally in any healthy way living with her. She tries to do everything for me like I am helpless. I find myself trying to avoid everything and sleeping constantly to not have to interact or deal with being 27 and treated like I am 6 knowing if I don't want to be here the only place I have left is a crappy car stuffed with half my belongings.
My mother doesn't even try to understand my Asperger's at all either. She told me I was normal my entire life knowing damn well I knew by age 5 I was different.
All the enabling of lazy behavior and lack of work around the house some days just leaves me feeling helpless. I just want to be free of having to push hemorrhoids back in my body daily so that I can go back to living alone with my cat and not being treated like a kid. But some days I don't know if I can be that patient. My brain is screaming to get out and some days feels like it would be better to end the suffering now. | aspergers |
Indecisiveness. Fuck that.
I am so indecisive. Whether I'm picking a topic for my big school project or a small snack for the night, it takes me ages. WHY?! It's so frustrating. And whenever I tell people to pick something themselves (snacks for example) they refuse out of *politeness*. I mean thanks, but **please** save me the effort and suffering and choose! It's so much easier for you than for me.
Anyone relate? Any tips? All comments are welcome! | ADHD |
So yesterday I was unexpectedly hit by trauma. Stimulated by long buried potential trigger of actual event. Heart in throat and chocking with dry mouth.
Today i feel super exhausted. Dont feel like doing anything other than lying on bed. | ptsd |
Hi, I have an appointment to see a specialist in about a month, I guess he's going to do a light assessment and prescribe the required tests if he deems it valuable.
The question is : Because so far the psychiatrists and psychologists I've been seeing (for the past 8 or so years) always thought my issue was something else I've been prescribed a lot of different medications over the time (escitalopram, lithium, etc...) and now it's been about a year or two that I've been taking bupropion which according to google has some "off label" effectivity and I wonder if I should suspend it before the test.
The one who told me to get an assessment done is my psychologist who conducted her own and was completely convinced that I do have it, however, since she is not a local she cannot treat me for it so I have to go through some local who doesn't know me at all and I feel really anxious because the last time I tried to get an assessment I had to do it somewhere else where the "specialist" was in fact a moron who tested me as if I was a kid and barely asked any relevant questions before ruling it out and telling me I'm an condescending as$hat.
So, all in all, I'm happy to be going over it again but I'm really worried about messing it up not bringing the necessary context or presenting myself in a state that makes them believe something that's not true as I do realize that since I started bupropion I have been able to manage things better to some degree.
Thanks for taking the time to read this stream of consciousness. | ADHD |
Basically pretending as if you are not bothered by your intrusive thoughts and living as if you are “normal”
[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/p0jk4h) | OCD |
Hi everyone,
I have real event ocd and whenever I text a friend, usually a close friend (or sometimes even a parent) and they don’t respond after some time, immediately I think “they found out about your real event and they never want to talk to you again! They found out about who you really are, an awful person and they’re embarrassed and ashamed to have once called you their friend! Rip!” and then when they respond it turns out they were just working, sleeping, not on their phone or etc but it makes me anxious af and I have to mentally review and ask myself “how would they find out about this?” Or etc and it becomes a little exhausting. Does anyone else deal with this? | OCD |
I was diagnosed with ADHD about a month ago and have been taking 15mg of adderall 2x a day. At first, it gave me a massive load of energy and some anxiety but it calmed down a bit recently. I felt like I could actually do things like cleaning my apartment, my car, and shower regularly. I went for a follow up and my psychiatrist wanted to up me to 25mg and I just started that yesterday.
I’m sitting here at work, bouncing my leg and unable to stop fidgeting. I have so much energy I could run around the building. I can also be hyper focused where I start a task and I can get it done so much quicker than normal.
Do I not have ADHD? Or is this a common side effect with adderall for someone with ADHD?
I’ve dealt with anxiety telling me I’m making it all up and that I’m lying about my mental illness and I guess this could be anxiety. I’ll take one of my anxiety meds but would still like if somebody could let me know if this is just a common side effect for adderall. | ADHD |
I thought for a long time, years, that I was only diagnosed with Just Aspergers. Turns out that I was diagnosed with a lot more and my mother just allowed me to know recently. ADHD, oppositional defiance disorder, hyper aggression, etc.
I was diagnosed with everything when I was 17.
I'm 31 now and I just feel like my life is falling apart. I was just working a construction job making $26/hr and just claimed my first (and hopefully only) workers comp claim.
I dug (by hand) a 4'x4'x30' long trench over the course of three days. I didn't realize that I had actually hurt myself(my lower back), I just thought I was pretty sore. My lower back being the culprit.
I spent the next day cutting concrete and using a jackhammer to break it up.... I work in the construction industry and it's essentially the same story from here.
After 2-3 weeks of my lower back being in pain I finally asked my supervisor if I could go to the doctor to get some kind of back brace or something that would help me enough to feel better and keep doing my job. If I don't work then my wife and I are homeless.
I said specifically, I don't want any drugs or money, but this really hurts and I can't keep feasibly doing my job with how bad this hurts.
I ended up on the phone with the owner of the company and he told me that he didn't believe that there was any possible way that I could have hurt myself working for him and that it's really MY responsibility(and my fault) to have my own health insurance to make sure I can keep doing a good job for him.
I have no problem paying for any of my own nonsense, I don't really get into any but urgent care is just around the corner in case I do. I don't do anything more crazy than buying groceries..
Either way, I've gone through several rounds of physical therapy and I've had to see a bunch of doctors. The doctors think I'm improving and want me to go back to work.
I've asked my boss repeatedly to let me get back to work and every single time he's refused me. I actually just found out that he is refuting my request for workman's compensation and he is making up blatant lies about me.
He called me on Monday around 5pm, I had been drinking, and I called him back. I told him that I want to work and that I will go to work tomorrow, but I have no respect for him as my boss or even as a human being because he is a liar.
He said, if you don't respect me then you can't work for me..
Ugh......... This is the point of my post.. I always say the "last thing" anyone should ever say in a given situation.. but it's always the first thing that POPS out of my mouth.. I don't believe I'm stupid, but my social skills are seriously lacking.
I encourage all responses and questions,
Thanks everyone | aspergers |
I got diagnosed with ocd a couple months ago, but now theres a chance I might have both ocd and adhd. Has anyone else known someone or has experienced ocd and adhd combined? And if so, what’s it like?
Edit: I posted this thread on the ocd subreddit because I’m diagnosed with ocd, so I’m speaking primarily from an ocd perspective | OCD |
when I feel like there's no one around me I subconsciously touch my penis and rub it slightly. Is this a stim? | aspergers |
I'm alone for the holidays living in a single bedroom with literally nothing and most days I feel like I would rather not exist than live this ruined life. The last thing I need is Reddit triggering me like I'm so freaking happy to see my support post (which got mass downvoted).
Can anyone relate? | depression |
It's been years and years I am struggling with mental disease, and in addition to this, Asperger's syndrome does not help me. It has to be an Übermensch to cope with this amount of struggling and suffering, and this is my daily reality. Why is life so unfair? Why could I not live a very simple, normal life? | aspergers |
Idk why whenever i'm trying to sleep earlier i get anexiety and i honestly dk why is that, does someone suffer from this too? What can i do about it? | OCD |
I'm not officially diagnosed with OCD, and I wouldn't say that my obsessions and particular-ness about certain things has been a hinderance to my life.
However, in a recent moment of self reflection, I've come to realize that I am subconsciously obsessed with the right hand side. A few examples:
As a young kid:
* Me and my sister used to have craft boxes that were kept in one of the cabinets in our house. For whatever reason, my box always had to be on the right hand side of the cabinet, so much so that I remember I'd get upset when I found that my parents had put the boxes back in the cabinet with mine on the left, and my sister's on the right. It got so bad that 5-year old me eventually drew a giant arrow on my box pointing to the right. It was never a problem again from that point on when my parents cleaned up after us 🙂
* I always insisted on sitting on the right-hand seat in the back of the car and would freak out if anyone else sat in "my seat."
As an older kid/teen:
* I felt uncomfortable in school if the teacher's desk was on the left-hand side of the classroom. My favorite classes and teachers in elementary, middle, and high school, always had their desk on the right hand side of the room. I'm not so sure if that is a coincidence anymore or not.
* We have two sinks in the bathroom that my sister and I shared, and the right-hand sink was "my sink"
As an adult, I don't really think about it consciously anymore, but reflecting for a moment I definitely have tendencies:
* In college, I tended to always take a seat on the right-half of the classroom or auditorium.
* I'm a side sleeper and tend to always sleep on my right shoulder.
* When I fly, I tend to pick seats on the right side of the plane
* Same with the light rail/train - typically sit on the right side
* When I self check-out at the grocery store, I tend to pick the check out station on the right side of the aisle
* All my desk clutter at work and at home tends to be on the right side of my desk, and the left side of the desk is pretty clean.
* All my IKEA furniture that I've assembled over the years, with cabinet doors where I've gotten to choose which side to mount the hinge on, all swing to the right. (OMG, just realized that 😮)
Anyone else here find they are either intentionally or subconsciously obsessed with a certain "side"? | OCD |
I don't understand what I'm thinking or feeling. I don't know if I'm in the wrong over here or the people around me. I just wish somebody could understand what's going on.
I've been crying a lot recently, trying to understand why am I getting this from life, what did I do to deserve this. I'm lonely and anxious most of the time, nothing makes sense anymore. I can't get myself to trust others because I can't even trust myself. I'm a judgemental person, I judge others a lot but I also seek validation from others, this makes me feel like others can see my weakness and they don't want me around. I just want to be heard and seen. I just want love and support. | depression |
I've had issues surrounding intrusive sounds for a long time. It's mainly if I'm forced by someone to hear a sound against my will, and have to really go out of my way to block it out. So something relatively small can, over time, become a source of genuine rage and frustration.
I live in England. This is a pretty car-dominated country by European standards. My street is very narrow, but still somehow two-way and lined on both sides (clogged) with parked cars. It also happens to be a through-road, though it was definitely never designed to be one, and seems to be exploited by smart guys looking to dodge traffic on a parallel main road.
It started off as a mild irritation. But I slowly realised that this isn't normal for an English residential area. Cars started getting stuck and started blaring at each other, and that really sparked my frustration. These people are exploiting this street as a shortcut, actively contributing to bad air and noise pollution, what right do they have to demand others move out of the way for their entitled asses?
I bought a bike a few years ago, and actively sharing the road with these vehicles opened my eyes even more. Talking only on my own street, these drivers expected me to move out of the way for them because I was too slow. Again, these people do not really have any right to be here, they actively cause problems, and they remain entitled to demand a resident of the street pull over for them so they don't have to be fifteen seconds late for their boring office jobs. This was when I started knowing the real absurdity of the situation.
People claim autistic people are self-centred and unaware of the emotions of those around them, but instead it seems that the neurotypicals behind the wheels of these vehicles conform to this stereotype. I know that car culture as a whole is a very complex political situation and it's unproductive to blame just the drivers, but it's really hard to remain objective and calm with these individuals when these repeating sounds can be heard at all hours of the day, every day a week, and contribute to my mood problems and insomnia. Sometimes the irritation just builds up too much and I suddenly really want to hit something, so I just punch my pillows and try to calm down. But the noise never stops. It hasn't stopped once for years. I want to just hear genuine silence in my home one time.
Nothing I can see on the neurotypical websites seem to help. Music and white noise can be overstimulating, noise cancellation only seems to work on constant, unvarying noises like fridges and microwaves, earplugs are uncomfortable and don't block out all the sound, and besides I've had issues with my outer ears and don't want to make them reoccur by wearing earplugs 24 hours a day. Even if I couldn't hear the cars, I can still see their headlights through the curtain at night, and knowing that they are there and actively making the street a worse place to live is enraging.
Who even likes driving anyways? Who likes paying all that money? Why do we continue to promote car usage? I can go anywhere on my bike, despite the cars. I don't even want to own a car because, as a neurodivergent person, I feel unsafe being put in charge of a large machine where people will regularly express their anger with a loud horn if you make a tiny mistake. It's such a competitive and dangerous way to travel, it seems like a vehicle designed only for able-bodied neurotypicals.
Maybe I should move to the Netherlands, most people ride bikes there and the cities are so much quieter. They are very good at closing ratruns and keeping cars under control. | aspergers |
Just wondering to see what commonalities and differences there are. Thanks :) | aspergers |
I was happy, I was living the same life I am now but I was happy. I was enjoying my courses at college, studying hard, going out with friends, flirting with girls the usual stuff in life. Then something snapped, and I can barely get out of bed, eat, brush my teeth. I can't even watch Netflix properly, I just sit on my bed staring at the wall. The worst part about it is that I see so many other people who are in bad situations in their life and are depressed as a result of it, but I have no reason to be. Idek if I am depressed, probably just overreacting. I have no self esteem, no motivation to do anything and nothing to look forward to, except maybe Christmas, where ill probably take a shit ton of alcohol and drink myself half to death.
How can this happen, if there is no reason for it. I'm too ashamed to tell anyone else about the way I'm feeling because its embarrassing that I feel this way in the first place without a plausible reason. So yeah, just needed to get this off my chest. Peace. | depression |
I am so disappointed in the life I’ve made for myself. I’ve suffered from anxiety and depression for years and they’ve debilitated me from doing anything. I want to live a fun life with good friends and romantic relationships but I’m just stuck in this constant stagnant life full of nothing but media consumption to supplement any kind of human interaction. This worst part of all this is knowing that my child self would hate the life I’m living now. I know I should try to talk to people or go out or something but it’s as if my room has a gravitational pull I can’t escape. I don’t think I’ll ever get better from this and I don’t know if I can even try. | depression |
I’m on the very edge of a complete mental breakdown. i can’t do this. | depression |
It didn't help. Never forget the bullies who called me ugly, retarded, and slutty. I still want to kill myself. I still wake up mad everyday. Hard to believe God with all the things I have been through. I have been sexually abused, picked on, and used my whole life. | depression |
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