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Last year I was feeling just really depressed, I saw nothing for me in the future and no point to go on. Eventually, after not going through with anything, I started to try and better myself. I ate better, started excising and even made some friends. It’s just weird now that it’s been a year and I don’t know why I still get down. Like I’m running from something pulling me back down into the pit. Some days I can run and others I fall. I know it gets better just kinda sucks that it’s hard to feel consistent good.
Just wanted to write a bit, it does get better guys in one year I changed my life and you can too. | depression |
I always feel like I'm the odd one out in crowds because every body else is feeling fine and I went through something awful and have negative feelings often. Anybody else like that? | ptsd |
So, after about nearly over a year of finally getting over my depression, I feel like I’m starting to relapse again and I’m scared, ashamed, and feel like an absolute pussy.
Here’s why:
1. Intense stress from everything. Because my family and I have grown up in a poor financial situation and I would really say a broken home, but more of a dysfunctional home, I want to make sure I don’t go down that route and because I love medicine and neurology, I’m pursuing being a neurologist, which obviously takes a lot of sacrifices. I’m in at least three school extracurriculars, I’m in piano classes, I’m at the top of my class and have set the curve for all the classes, on top of this, I have work as a cashier and work six hour shifts three times a week (weekends) because of the shortage of them in my country, so I’m out there a lot and I need the money for college since my family can’t afford to give me a college fund,
2. Banned from Christmas dinner on my mother’s side of the family. Christmas should be a time to spend with family, but instead, I can’t even spend it with one side of the family entirely because I can’t get the COVID vaccine due to medical issues and even have a written exemption from my doctor. I have offered a COVID test, but they won’t budge so I’m spending it at my dads (parents are divorced), and I told my mum to have fun with them.
3. Fighting all over the place. In my life, there’s lots of dysfunction and fighting in my family, workplace (customers get into disagreements and I live in a bad area), I get kicked out of the house sometimes, and my school is a mess because nobody wants to learn and everyone is too busy being rowdy.
4. Not feeling appreciated by anyone for anything I do, I’m constantly treated like shit by most people and nobody really gives the time of day for me other than a small minority of people, who even then, do the bare minimum. Even when I work my ass off, even when I’m trying, people who do less still get more appreciation.
But, I’ve came afloat once, I’ll do it again. | depression |
maybe i don't need a diagnosis
the fool dances along the cliff-edge without knowing himself, after all.
would he throw himself off if his place in the deck was known?
the dog still follows him, aware or not of his master's madness.
maybe the beast enjoys irresponsible fun. maybe it doesn't care.
​
i'm tired of self-awareness
of paradoxes, knowing when i am without.
the fool's wisdom is right just often enough
to keep it of service.
and it is not a coward.
​
what can i say of myself?
that i am proud of the chains i made.
that i am just a fool in the little ways,
away from the cliff edge but
i run my tongue and say too much,
​
too little. i cut in front of old ladies on the bus
and write self-indulgent poetry at work.
if i ever do something truly wrong i think my chains would strangle me,
but for now they just keep me here
half a fool, half a coward
and the worst of both
in a safe little world.
​
sometimes i wish my intelligence matched my wisdom.
the kind way of saying
"i wish i was dumber"
wish i didn't know, didn't care
this terrible desire to be unaware.
i'd pull a hundred fools out of the deck
if it would make me like one.
this world hurts, pinocchio,
i want to be a real fucking idiot instead.
\~\~\~
Post-note: things are a little better now after diagnosis. Redefining my relationship to work, relationships and my own wellbeing now that I'm medicated has felt like tearing open old wounds at times, but at least they can heal correctly now.
I might post more ADHD-related poetry on here (plus it comes without the risk of people I know irl getting concerned at my flair for the dramatic) - I'd love to hear anyone's thoughts or things they may relate to in the comments! | ADHD |
today i managed not to do some compulsions, without much crying without much anxiety without fear when touching the door, i'm happy because of this, but at the same time have these thoughts saying that if i'm doing well then it means i don't have OCD :( | OCD |
I was diagnosed with adhd shortly before I moved to another country for university and it's been 3 months now. The healthcare system is so different here and I couldn't get myself to go and see a doctor and now I'm almost failing my first semester of university ;-; I did bring some ritalin with me but it's barely helped. If anyone has any experiences with moving to another country I would love to hear about it.
Everything is just way too difficult and I'm thinking of dropping out and returning home. I really don't think I was prepared for this. | ADHD |
Since 11 years old I have had thoughts that my parents were going to / would like to kill me.
Recently (since the summer) I have had thoughts that Freemasons and the Illuminati rule the world and want to kill us ordinary people. I also think that it means something special that an Illuminati member and I have the same birthday and that the symbol of the University of Helsinki joining Freemasonry etc. and my thoughts on studying there sometime in the future would be related in the way that I am supposed to become a Mason.
My other thoughts are that I get cyanide / poison gas / carbon monoxide poisoning and once even that my parents intentionally kill me for carbon monoxide poisoning. Anxiety about this has often grown so great that I have not been able to sleep or be at home. However, I realize that others do not experience things the same way or believe them to be true.
I also fear that my food was poisoned by McDonald’s workers and that my food was drugged by my parents | OCD |
Hi ocd fam <3 I hope everyone has/had a great day. Today was really rough and I’m suffering right now. I feel so alone because I don’t have a support system and no one in my personal life that understands my thoughts and feelings about ocd. I hate hate hate the disgusting intrusive thoughts and I have multiple mental breakdowns and panic attacks because I feel psychotic and my biggest fear is that I will act on my thoughts. I always have to talk myself out of killing myself so I don’t hurt my loved ones. I call the suicide hotline every other week just crying and wanting it to end. The thoughts scare me so much and I just wish i knew how to ignore them. I started Zoloft almost a year ago and now I’m on 150mg but MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS ARE STILL FUCKING HERE. Someone please help me | OCD |
I don’t want to bring others down or for people to ask if I’m okay but I’m finding it so hard to put on a happy persona today. | depression |
Most of the time when I talk to people I feel like a humongous jerk. I don’t listen to what they say, I rush to say what I want to say. I ramble on and overshare and sometimes sound condescending because I don’t think before I speak. I’m tired of looking like a rude jerk all the time. And if I am not in my rambling moods I don’t talk at all because I am super anxious and thats honestly even worse. This stuff has made me struggle to find friends for years and my family frequently complains about how much of an asshole I am and I feel terrible. I get overstimulated a lot and get snappy and feel bad about that too. I’m trying to see a therapist but she is not helpful at all and won’t stop talking about my ex bf. I just want to fix these issues. When I had adderall it seemed to help a little i was able to slow down somewhat but I had to stop becausr it was making me have breathing problems. I wish I could just be normal | ADHD |
i think that my anxiety might trigger it. it will happen when im overthinking things and kinda forcing myself to see if im attracted to things or not and prove the thoughts wrong, then i’ll feel that anxiety feeling down there.
it’s kind of the same feeling when i wear tight jeans and it puts pressure on it, which makes me think its just a pulse area and that overthinking it makes me focus on feeling in that area. | OCD |
I keep having thoughts about my amazing partner and it really sucks. “Break up with him”, “You don’t actually love him.”, “You’re manipulating somehow.”, “You actually don’t like him.” Etc. It’s so tiring, I don’t know what to do about it.. I’ve been trying ERP. I’m so terrified the thoughts are real, I don’t want them to be, like they play constantly to the point I hide in my room while he’s in the same house. I don’t know why I do this and don’t know if this means something? I don’t want it to. I constantly have compulsions where I ask for help from spirits and like other stuff. I just feel so stuck, he’s so amazing to me. I don’t want to be meant for someone else, I feel horrible. I have intrusive thoughts about when I used to kinda “hoe” around too, it’s like “you’d let anyone touch you like this since you’re a whore.” and I don’t want to think this way. it sincerely harms me. what if it’s all true. I don’t want it to be. it makes me want to not be here so bad. | OCD |
I have an extreme fear of hurting people. I will go back and rehash memories to see if I did something to cause harm to a point it feels like I’m gaslighting myself. For example: “a guy younger then me persistently asked if he could cuddle me & eventually I said yes. I think he grabbed my boob and I pushed him away after this. Does that mean I did something bad because he was younger then me?” And I can’t even place the memory or when it happened.
I get into so much rehashing that I honestly cannot tell what actually happened. It drives me insane because right time I think I’m getting out of an episode my brain gives me new material to go over for a month or so | OCD |
I suffer from this OCD for many years and now i am in my worst i was addicted in watching to much porn i believe that was the reason i become like this but now i believe i m becoming gay or bisexual i m also virgin maybe my sexual urges are the ones who are making me like this i dont want to be gay or bisexual its amazing what porn can turn you when i feel like this i feel that i become like another person i dont feel good but i m afraid i dont feel good because im gay because i know in my heart im heterosexual i love a girl but she dont love me back so i become a porn addict and now i struggle the problem with OCD is that you become even more promiscuous to the point you feel that you can turn gay even being promiscuous to family members is scary i hope there is a cure for me | OCD |
Hey reddit. I've recently been diagnosed with ADHD. I've struggled with the symptoms my whole life, but it was misdiagnosed as anxiety and depression (ADHD diagnoses don't seem to be common here in the UK). I realised I may have ADHD when I reduced my dose of antidepressants because of its side effects, and suddenly was overwhelmed by everything. Another realisation I had when I became less numb was that I *really hated -* not only my job - but my career. I've been working in politics for the last three years, specialising in climate action campaigning. Before that I hopped around doing freelance market research and worked finance, but made a change to do something I was passionate about. But now, that passion has faded (because of the reality of the work) and I don't know what's left. The money is bad, and the sector is unprofessional and full of toxic personalities. I don't know what skills I have outside of my relatively niche job. All I know is that this path is making me miserable and is not compatible with my ADHD brain.
Has anyone else made a career change after being diagnosed and learning more about ADHD? Am I too old to start again? Will I get bored of my next job and want to start again? How can I build financial stability into my life if I'm doomed to repeat this pattern??! **HELP!** (please). | ADHD |
I can’t escape this torture. My mind won’t stop thinking about thinking. This leaves me with a blank and boring mind. I’m not gaining experience through life because I’m hardly here. I want to get out, I WANT TO LIVE
This is a message I dedicate to all of you, every sufferer of this disease. Don’t be too sad, because you’re not alone. The cycles of regret have built up so much that my existence is shattered. I try pick up the pieces, only to fall and fall again. I can’t have a strong focus on whatever I’m trying to comprehend at any given moment. My mind is a pinball machine focusing on itself and it’s difficult to even write this. I’m held back by chains that render my potential of intellect and insight to a fraction of what it could be. I am overwhelmed. I am not this. I am.. broken. | OCD |
So my therapist confirmed my suspicions I was autistic yesterday. Is there any point to getting clinically diagnosed if I don’t care about financial aide? He kinda left it open to interpretation
A diagnosis is the same either way right? As far as medical records go | aspergers |
Hello, I’ve been on and off Methylphenidate XR since high school and it worked fantastic, i felt clear headed, self aware, able to focus. I stopped taking it in my senior year of college after being an idiot and abusing it for academic ends rather than just being a functional person this lead me to have a massive panic attack and crazy heart palpitations that exacerbated my generalized panic disorder.
After some years of therapy and starting a low dose of Lexapro ive decided to get back on Concerta to help with work. Three months or so ago i started taking 36mg of concerta (a dose that worked perfectly in college) along my 10mg of lexapro and felt 0 effect. I asked my prescriber about this a month ago and was given a 5mg Methylphenidate IR to take with lunch and it have been like night and day.
Now each morning i take my 36mg XR and 10mg lexapro and feel like nothings helping, my anxiety is under control but i cant focus and cant think. But then lunch comes and i take the 5mg IR and BAM im in the pocket and clear headed/functioning normally albeit with mildly heightened anxiety. It has me considering switching to an IR exclusive regiment. I was wondering if anyone here has had a similar experience or made a similar switch and what their experience has been like?
Tldr; Ive restarted on 36 mg of Methylphenidate XR after being on and off it for over a decade. It feels like it doesnt work anymore unless i take a 5 mg IR Methylphenidate and I am considering switching to an IR exclusive regiment and want to know what other people’s experiences have been in this regard? | ADHD |
3 months ago I started go to therapy. After the 3rd session my psycologist told me that I have traits of Asperger.
My first reaction was to reject that. I went to make some research about the symptoms. Well, many of them fit very well in my lifetime, but still denied.
The idea remain in my mind for the weeks later, but in my summer job (and others mini chapters), all my coworkers treat me the same way and told the same curiosities about me that many people have told me during my life, not saying they treat me bad, but treat me like if I'm someone who can't learn to drive in the life on their own and always looking how I'm going to react to certain things.
Many years of my life not knowing what I was missing, why I always feel like I'm a step behind of almost. Idk if it's normal to struggle like this but the more I deep in the topic, many things of my life makes sense to me. | aspergers |
I volunteered to work in the hospital’s covid-19 ward during the pandemic’s wave. My experience volunteering to be redeployed to the frontline was difficult. I signed up thinking it was the “right thing” to do, the news around the world was heartbreaking and I wanted to do “my part”. Ultimately I got diagnosed with PTSD. I witnessed so much pain, sadness and death. I struggle daily with intense flashbacks, anxiety and nightmares. I am getting professional help with this but the progress is slow.
I feel like I was naive and stupid to volunteer for this. I have had little support from work. Dealing with off-work paperwork and insurance payouts is such a terrible feeling. It feels so demoralizing to fall from being someone who is used to being high-functioning, to now being someone fighting for disability.
I wish I could go back and tell myself, don’t help during that pandemic wave. They’ll call you a “frontline hero” but it’s truly a thankless choice full of personal sacrifices. | ptsd |
I know that depression can cause problems with short-term memory, but can it cause long-term memory loss as well? I feel as though whenever I try to remember my childhood, like ages 5-10, it is all a blur. I can’t remember what school was like, who my friends were, summer vacations, etc (idk if this is normal). Even when I try to remember like middle school or my freshman or sophomore years of high school (I am a hs senior), I can just barely remember anything. I am starting to forget names and faces too :/ has anyone else experienced this?? | depression |
I don’t know why tf this happened but I feel so fucking anxious right now, I can’t do anything with this fucking disorder, I was simply having a normal fantasy and this stupid thought came in when I was already aroused and it felt like I liked it. The thought doesn’t get a reaction from me when I’m not aroused by something else but when I’m aroused by something I actually like and I think of it it feels like I like the thoughts, this shit has made me beyond confused | OCD |
Tw// in this question I will speak about gasligjting. The general physical and emotional feeling of being gaslighted and the psychological effects of gaslighting from abusers on long term recovery.
I have a long history with mental illness. I was diagnosed with anxiety at 7, depression aged 11. As a result people often gaslighted me about abuse endured by them. I've remembered wrong, I'm cr*zy, I'm an attention seeker etc. As a result I even doubt myself.
When I have shared my stories with doctors, psychiatrists and close confidants I've been told otherwise and they have confirmed my fears that I was abused. Told that the things that happened to me are categorically wrong.
It's easy whilst calm to side with the medical professionals and opinions of people who are impartial. Whilst upset though, emotions come back and I become very confused and upset, I blame myself and I even convince myself that I'm a fraud and I don't deserve help.
Has anyone experienced similar? How do you deal with the self doubt? I know that I have triggers and flashbacks due to experiencing them often. I can't deny that I have ptsd. It's the fact my memories have been corrupted by false narratives and mind games. Im not even sure what is true sometimes. | ptsd |
I am not diagnosed with ocd. I did start seeing a therapist recently though. Hoping that will help ide tidy wtf is wrong with me.
Over the past year, I’ve become so over the top with washing my hands and not touching things and I don’t want to be touched by anyone.
Example…I sleep naked bc I feel like clothes increase the anxious feelings I have and I want to feel free. Anyways…bc of this, I cannot have anything that touches my face or goes near my face to touch the part of the bed where my naked ass is. Side note, I also feel like I am disgusting. I just put a new blanket on my bed bc the other one I used for one night is “contaminated” bc the corner of the blanket touched where my butt is. When I put the new blanket on, the same thing happened and I am trying so hard to distract myself so that I don’t flip out and toss away the brand new blanket. This is exhausting. And sooo frustrating. I cannot stop thinking about the “exposure” and when I can’t fix it, I get angry.
My boyfriend hasn’t slept in our bed for over a year and now he’s talking about coming back into the bed. I’ve told him I’m not ready and him being in the bed will just worsen the hell im already living in. So naturally his feelings are hurt bc he doesn’t get it.
Not to mention how messed up my hands are from constant hand washing. I am 35 with the hands of a 80 year old. My skin is always super dry.
When I started seeing my therapist, I explained why I was there…and it was a few different reasons. Depression and the obsessive germ issue. She said we should pick one topic to start with so we went with depression. I think I need to swap topics.
Another example…my mom who I only see a few times a year was visiting me and randomly kissed the top of my head. Inside I was dying. All I could think about was washing my hair but I had to go to work so instead, I took a Lysol wipe and wiped my head and hair. My 9 year old saw me doing that and he was so confused. I didn’t tell my mom the extent of how this bothers me bc I don’t want to hurt her feelings. I don’t think it’s about anyone else as much as it’s about me feeling out of control.
The ridiculous bed thing is just one example of the daily torture my mind goes through. Any advice? Anyone have something similar? | OCD |
m 26 and i have part time job but i sometimes have to uber and I have my liscense but i do not drive and i barely have a saving. everytime i try to build it up i have a spending spree habbit ( another isssue). anyways i do not qualify for SS , but im hoping to get medicaid . I am greatful to have a place to stay temporarly but i just want to make it work in the long run for myself and bf. I also have a very hard time staying at a job because of my mental health and learning disabitlies , everyone says im not confident too. I am just so sick of ubering and having to wait several house for my toxic mom to get me and to only dont talk /listen to me 45 min each way. i would be homless if i diddnt have a temp place ot stay . | depression |
anyone know of any ptsd support groups in the state of IL preferably with online meetings? | ptsd |
This morning I was feeling really tired, so I decided to brew myself some coffee and put it in my brand new coffee cup, the way I usually drink coffee has mostly creamer and very little coffee, so I have a 30 ounce cup, but today, after drinking some of it (I'd say 1/3 of the cup) I decided that it was too sweet, so I had to add more coffee to balance it out, meaning I had more that the normal amount of coffee I usually had, but the on top of that when I started to feel the effects of coffee, I realized that it wasn't working how it usually did, in fact, it was the exact same way that coffee works for me when I don't take my medication, so I go and check my pill container and sure enough, I didn't take today's medication, but my doctor told me that no matter what time in the day, I should always take my medication, so I took it! But little did I know that when I take my medication AFTER drinking coffee it makes hyper fixation 12× worse! So I just spent the last hour and a half organizing my tupperware cabinet.
Thank you for reading, and please don't do what I did. | ADHD |
Sometimes when I’m laying very still, and my mind wanders, I feel hands all over me. My throat, my legs, my feet, my face... I feel skin, breath... hands in my hair. It happens a lot. Is this... normal? | ptsd |
So, it's been awhile that I've been thinking that I have OCD. I don't think high of self-diagnoses, but I wanted to ask here if it might be an OCD.
​
If you want to reply in a way that 'only a doctor can diagnose me', please don't, first of all I don't have money nor time for that, second of all I don't want you to diagnose me, but only to say if there's a possibility that these things mean OCD (maybe what type of) or if yo8u can relate.
​
1) Lot of people with OCD wash their hands in repetitive manner while counting or so. I don't do this, but I have certain amount of times while pressing the soap bottle.
​
2) I count numbers everywhere I see them. Mostly it's with car licenses. For example a license contains numbers 5, 6, 8, that means that the result of them is 19, that means 1, which is a positive number. This is not only with licences, but with all numbers.
​
3) Closing drawers to make a positive number closed or opened, same with pens. I can't have 3 pens on table, because it's a negative number.
​
4) Obsessive thoughts. When I start thinking about something, I have trouble stopping.
​
5) When I'm watching something, TV or so and I sometimes when I hear that something was said, I have to stop it and count the letters in what the person said or just break the word/sentence down.
​
6) When I'm watching a video, I check for the time like we have a video which lasts 20:45 and I count the numbers together and when I stop the video at for example 1:02, I have to go 10 minutes earlier, because 3 is a negative number.
​
7) When I grab something, I have to hold it with other number of fingers than 3 or 5.
​
There's more, but these are the most prominent. | OCD |
I am a horse rider and the only thing i dont hate about my life is my horse and riding. Everything else about my life= i hate! People at school say that they wish that i would just go and die. My friends dont feel like my friends because we argue a lot. One of my friends always talks fucking shit about me behind my fucking back to the other friend and the other friend just goes along with it. We have started year 7 this year. The friend that just goes along with everything thinks that i am annoying sometime and that i should grow up when acctually she has to grow up ! Now i am going to say her secret because i cant keep it in anymore and plus none of you know me.... she has had sex with a boy thats one year older then her AND HE IS HER SECOND COUSIN which is totally discusting. She was 12 when she had it and turned 13 recently. But she is under age and that is so uncomftable for me to know that she has had that and she talk about him 24/7 like she doesnt have anything else to talk about. I moved from England 2020 and have been hear in Sweden for 2 years almost.But i really miss my one best friend when i didnt relised that i should stick with someone instead of fighting back whenever we argue about something bur now we haev been in consstact a lot but now we are lossing our connection because she never replies anymore so i feel like she has left me and moved on. If i should leave those two firends of mine then i will not have anyone else to be with because everyone is so boring and weird. I have no fucking clue what i should with my life. And i forgot to mension that my friend that talks behind my back has started to ride at my stable at the same time as riding at her riding school but that is sort of a bad thing because i just got into the "gang" in the stable and now i feel like she came and stole my place because now everyone is around her. And she gets to ride ll the good horse because she i s"experienced". So unfair!!I hate my life and want to die. Please comment ith ideas of what i could do | depression |
His children and his ex-wife and even the licensed psychologist were painting him as the victim who “enjoys” his trauma. I felt that this episode was rather abrasive. I was actually turned off. Did anyone feel this way? | ptsd |
I am a 20 year old, autistic man with Asperger’s Syndrome, PTSD, OCD, as well as Persistent Depression Disorder ( PDD/MDD ). I was not diagnosed until I turned 19, in the middle of summer. I have been a victim of physical and verbal child abuse from a young age, starting at age 4-5, when one of my parents had a drinking problem. Eventually, they stopped drinking, but then the abuse was just verbal, even to this day, but as of 2018, it has toned down a little bit, but now they try to use manipulation tactics to make it seem as though I am doing something wrong for not loving them, and that I owe them something for raising me and “taking care of me.”
Suffice to say, I had PTSD at a young age, and my parents never noticed or thought that there was something wrong with me, or the fact that I was already depressed at age 7-8 was not an issue. Now, they tend to ask me “ Why do you never care about anything anymore? Why can’t you enjoy life? “, but whenever I would vent to them ( I am honest in any situation. A con of my autism. ), they would not listen to me, and shout: “ You’re just lazy / a snowflake! “ and left it at that.
Over half of my life has been a miserable ride, in a metaphorical sense, and until recently have things started to get somewhat better.
Around 2015, Fall, I had gotten into a relationship with a close friend of mine, who at the time was the only person who ever truly cared about me. We were very close friends at first, but then it bloomed into something more. For the first time in my life, I felt like all the problems, worries, thoughts had lifted up from my shoulders. I felt happier, I smiled more, I even started to laugh again as if I was a little, cheerful child. This was at the time of me being undiagnosed, but somewhat knowledgeable that there is something wrong with me, but I did not know what to do at the time, nor what to exactly look up on the Internet. After a year of being with this person, things had started to change. I am hypervigilant of behaviors, and changes in environment, and thus it was easy to somewhat spot that things were not right. I did not know what exactly, but it always seemed that things are not how they seem to be. Nevertheless, I tried suppressing these thoughts and worries and focused on my S/O. What I did not know, however, was that the same person also was hiding years of secrets from me, and made a “mask” to seem as though they were happy and that nothing was wrong. I even at times asked twice or three times to see if maybe they would give up the mask and say something, but nothing came out of it.
As months passed, their behavior became more secretive and suspicious. “Unexpected” internet problems, despite showing on other social medias or sites that they were still online, sudden change in vocal tones that showed uncertainty, as well as trying to make everything seem as though everything was okay and that I was overthinking things. But I wasn’t.
Everything was just a lie for two years. Every happy memory that I held fondly was just some sort of game, and in the Winter of 2017, when I was begging for them to tell me what has been going on, crying in the call and having a mental breakdown due to how much anxiety and stress it has caused me, they just blocked me without a word. No explanation, no answers to my questions. Just a block and that was it, despite me being honest to them since day one.
After the block, I did not know what to do. I looked at my computer, and I screamed. I screamed as if I was in physical pain, but it was all emotional, and I had a shutdown a little later. My grades worsened, I had no motivation to even do things I loved anymore ( Play video games, draw art. ), I stopped taking showers and I just tried to sleep and cried daily. Everything that I did with them afterwards was just a painful memory that I tried to avoid, and that was also the closest time I was in of committing suicide. I did not know how else to get rid of the pain at the time, since I lost the only person who I thought genuinely cared about me.I was completely lost.
I tried contacting them again several months on Instagram on an anonymous ask site, and then I got a lengthy message saying how they always hated me, and how they felt solace of being away from someone like me, and how my suicidal thoughts were just to manipulate them. There were several things that they told me that they said I did wrong, but I never had any knowledge of this, and most of it was later debunked as them fabricating it all up.
After 4 months of trying to still stay alive due to the fear of death ( but at the same time wanting it, but being too afraid to go along with it ), they contacted me back, accusing me of hacking into one of their accounts on a competitive first-person shooter named Paladins. I had no knowledge of what had happened, but it felt horrible that the first person they had the need to accuse was me. I told them honestly that I had no idea what he was talking about, but then pointed out how another friend of mine did that. I immediately told the supposed friend to give it back, which they did shortly after. Afterwards, they decided to give me a “second chance”, despite still not understanding what I did wrong, since all I did was trying to be there for them, love them and respect their boundaries and needs.
After all of this, they have apologized and expressed guilt of what they did after other people calling them out on what they did was cruel and wrong. But now, everything that resembles the things they did in the past gives me a PTSD-Attack. Where they genuinely feel happy and they use smiley faces at me reminds me of the painful things they did to me years ago. I do have therapy now, but due to the quarantine, I can’t have any sessions anymore, but even so, the amount of sessions I get to go to are few due to not being able to afford that. I also refused to take medications due to the side-effects, and how I just want to be happy by living life, not consuming medications down my throat. ( This is a moral dilemma that I have to deal with. )
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Now, this brings us to my side of the story. I’m the person’s close friend and ex-partner, and I have decided that it might help to make a post explaining both sides of the story, and then asking for advice. Before I go into the story from my perspective, I want to acknowledge the fact that I am aware that this isn’t a subreddit to ask for help from a professional. Due to the pandemic, access to mental help is extremely limited, and the situation is severe enough to the point where I don’t think it can wait. So I figured it would be best to at least get some sort of advice in the meantime. There’s also the fact that looking for answers on Google is only helpful to a certain extent, since I can really only find broad answers as opposed to solutions specific to our situation.
Now that I got that out of the way, I will provide a brief summary of the situation from my perspective, and then I’ll go into detail about it. (Mainly details that weren’t previously covered by my friend in his explanation.Though I guess I should also point out that my telling will still lack a lot of details since I am not that good at explaining things.)
In short, we started out as friends, ended up getting into a relationship, there were problems within the relationship but for some dumb reason I was too much of a pussy to confront him about it, I reached out to some friends that I previously blocked, and then based off their advice I ended up blocking him and tried to move on. We start talking again, I give him a second chance, and we’re just close friends now, but these past issues keep seeping into the present and it’s getting increasingly harder to help my friend and fix everything.
Now, before this all started, we met sometime during late 2015, and at first we didn’t actually really talk much. We just followed each other on this platform (I wont specify where since we both want to maintain as much anonymity as possible), and we didn’t really talk too much until we eventually added each other at Skype. That was the point where we started to grow closer and closer. Fast forward to the point where we got into a relationship since we both developed a crush on eachother, and thus it was pretty much inevitable. The start of it was very good, and there was no way for me or really anyone to tell that it would go downhill. (That’s pretty much how all bad relationships start, huh?) But then, it got to a point where it FELT like he was very controlling over me, and I had little control over my life. Emphasis on felt, because I only afterwards realized that he wasn’t abusive in any way, but at the time I was too much of a retard to realize that.
I ended up cutting contact with all of my friends in the form of blocking them and only talking to some of them in secret among other things, and I did a lot of things to make sure that he wouldn’t kill himself. But at some point, I wanted to get away from it for a little bit, and so at some point I pretended to be offline on everything, claimed to have internet issues, and hid somewhere on another platform that he didn’t use. At some point though, he found this platform, and also ended up contacting me by calling my sister’s phone and then having her hand the phone over to me. At that point I came back to talking to him, and I felt even more trapped. (Again, emphasis on the word felt.)
Fast forward to a bit later on, and in secret, I ended up contacting the friends that I previously blocked, apologized for cutting them off like that, and then I explained how everything was like within the relationship. They heavily sympathized with me, and they wanted to get me out of it. They also made me believe that he was manipulative since they thought that he was making me do things by threatening suicide, and at the time I believed it, but I now realize he wasn’t trying to be manipulative and was just genuinely at the brink of suicide quite frequently. At that point, they heavily suggested that I just block him and be done with it, which is what I ended up doing. That is what I regret doing the most.
A little later on, I got an email telling me that my Hi-Rez account was linked to another email out of the blue, but this was not my doing. I immediately assumed that it was him due to the fact that I had given him all of my log-in information for pretty much everything during the relationship, and so it was only natural to assume that. Now, when I contacted him, it turned out he had no idea about it, and at first I didn’t buy it, until later on it was confirmed that it was a friend of his who had done it, and apparently they wanted to get back at me despite him telling them not to do anything. I got the account back, but that’s not the main concern here.
I told my friends that I would block him right after getting my account back, but I ended up not doing that since as we started talking more, we just became friends again and I agreed to give him a second chance. Then, it became a game of me trying to please two sides. On one hand, I wanted to make my friends believe that I only tolerated him, while on the other hand I didn’t want him to believe I hated him (because I didn’t) and such. This was another example of how retarded I was, because you could imagine that it didn’t end well. They made a lot of jokes making fun of him, and even went as far as hurting him directly. And I didn’t really do anything about it because I was too much of a fucking coward.
Now at this point, I have them all blocked again, and I don’t think I’ll ever talk to them again since they have shown how horrible they were. I also realize at this point, I was the horrible abuser this entire time. Instead of talking things out with him, I made him suffer to the point of adding an extra layer of trauma to his PTSD, and overall inducing so much stress into his life. It’s deeply rooted into him to the point where a lot of the mistakes I do trigger his PTSD, and it is quite frequent for him to just tell me “I’m waiting for that block to happen” and such.
I want to fix all of this. It feels extremely horrible knowing that not only is the damage irreversible, but there’s also the fact that years later I have been making so little progress in helping him and fixing as much as I can. Now obviously the guilt is nowhere near as bad as what I put him through, since to be fair here, I’ve never had any major problems in my life, but regardless I still want to make things right.
So with that all in mind, I would deeply appreciate any advice any of you could come up with, and I thank those who do come up with anything in advance. | ptsd |
Is it an obsession when it doesn’t really bother you? When I start to let everything bottle up because I have no healthy way of letting it out, I have thoughts of shooting something up or bombing something. I’ve had these thoughts for roughly 5 years now and I’ve come dangerously close to doing it a couple of times. | OCD |
Do sport can be consider as a example of special interest in spectrum?
When i was a child i was crazy about ancients Egipt and mythology. Later i was deeply into writing stories and i was able to do that everyday from time when i came back from school to bed time. From few years i am interested in miniatures (mostly miniature houses) and i also enjoy carpeting.
But before miniatures and carpeting i was crazy about two things - long distance hiking and weightlifting. And i don't mean reading about it etc., i was doing it. Each weekend i was walking like 40-50 km, 3 times per week i was visiting gym and i was thinking about it all time. But it doesn't really fit to interests with are shown in books as a symptom for spectrum. | aspergers |
At first with all this going on, I was like “man I’ve trained for chaos my whole life” and I felt fine while everyone else was freaking out. But now, I’m so anxious. Like I had a delayed reaction to the current events. I’m engulfed in articles, hyper vigilant about my surroundings and completely unable to calm down and focus on a tv show or a video game.
How is this effecting all of you? | ptsd |
Tw: addiction, suicide
Hi. I'm trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I've never been diagnosed with PTSD or CPTSD, but I grew up in an abusive and alcoholic household. My mom seemed to inexplicably "turn" on me when I was 15 and she pretty much changed into a different person overnight, who hated me. A few years later she completed suicide and I was the one to find the body.
I've struggled with depression, anxiety, OCD, and hyper vigilance. I've been on meds and been seeing a therapist for years.
But now I'm experiencing physical symptoms I've never had. Something is definitely wrong. I know the pandemic is stressful, but I was fine the first month or so of quarantine.
I got into an argument with someone I love very much aboutt six weeks ago and while I was messaging her, I started shaking. Which is normal... stress, adrenaline, anxiety, etc.
But it's six weeks later and I'm STILL shaking. That's NEVER happened before. I feel out of breath and nauseous and like my heart is racing. I'm unsteady on my feet. I can't drive from the shaking. It gets worse if I'm stressed about something, but even after I calm down there is still a shake.
What is this????
I would so appreciate any help. I'm just trying to figure it out. | ptsd |
So far, I've tried two or three (depending on how you're counting) and nothing has really done much of anything adhd-wise.
Methylphenidate (medikinet) 10mg felt like nothing
20mg felt like I had ALL the attention span and none of the control (to an absolute extreme)
30mg (ritalin modified release) doesn't really feel like much of anything is happening. I sometimes notice I get into hyperfocus a bit more frequently and intensely than normal but I can't really control it.
Venlafaxine 75-150-300mg did literally nothing for my adhd and I only got the side effects. (insomnia, sex stuff, etc)
Getting kinda discouraged. When my doc prescribed me the 30mg a few weeks ago, he said that after that, there's not much he can do without a psychiatrist. (not sure if he meant I should see a psychiatrist or if he's gonna ask for a psychiatrist's advice) I tried getting a psychiatrist appointment a few months ago and nobody seemed to accept new patients.
So now, I'm pretty sure he's gonna prescribe me Ritalin 40mg, since it seems to be the highest dose they make, but after that, I don't really know.
When I finally managed to get over my fear of getting an appointment and anxiety and executive dysfunction enough to get an appointment, I was happy because it was a first step and it seemed like things would be alright soon enough. But now, I'm a bit less hopeful.
And seeing posts about people talking about their first dose like it changed their life and everything was right on their first try is a bit discouraging, tbh.
_____
TL;DR: I just listed what I've tried already and then explained that none of it helped, then whined that it was discouraging and I didn't really know where to go next because it's impossible to find a psychiatrist who'll accept new patients and I think it could be helpful to see that other people have had a similar struggle and tried plenty of meds before finding something that helped. | ADHD |
I don't know if this is a valid ptsd related issue as my life wasn't in danger but I certainly still have stress. Last night, I slept with a flash light because I kept seeing shit that wasn't there. I feel like this is negatively affecting me as if I even see hair on the flair, it feels like I'm going crazy. I wanna clean my whole house over and over again, not eat in my room a lot and make sure all of the drains are closed. I feel like I can't be comfortable where I'm at and it's just eating at me when I have little scares of sorts.
I've seen them before, but that time, somewhere late last month, it looked big and came close to my piano/keyboard. After that, I don't think I played it. I actually wanna get rid of it even though disinfected it. I'm unsure of what could help despite learning more about what I fear. | ptsd |
I sub-vocalise to keep my attention. I've been working on speed reading and find that I just don't process the information.
Context:
* I am an adult with **ADHD and autism**
* I mainly want to improve my reading speed for the workplace
* Sub vocalising helps me focus but makes me hypercritical of people's writing style. I am a bit avoidant when it comes to both reading and long-form writing
* I am not dyslexic. I'm just very fussy about everything from content to structure and format (fonts, line and paragraph spacing). | ADHD |
While staying in a hostel I was kept awake by a couple making love in the next room. In the morning I described what I heard to a group with the words "loud, rapid, rhythmic squeaking". They all laughed and said it was because I phrased it so "uniquely". I still didn't understand.
At work my team has a weekly meeting where we vote on things. I noticed one day that the team lead had never voted, so I asked him directly "Hey \[team lead's name\], why don't you vote?" And the rest of the team laughed. I didn't understand. I felt so vulnerable and embarrassed.
I just want to be taken seriously. | aspergers |
For context, I’m 20
Me: Life just sucks so bad. I hate living it. I hate life.
Mom: Join the club.
Fucking lol. | depression |
Did anybody else go through some kind of an experimental program where you had electrodes stuck to your head and got to play videogames with your brain?
It sounds like something sci-fi, but I swear I'm not making it up.
My mom signed me up for some program one summer in the mid 00s and they did a bunch of scans and tests to see how my brain works, I guess? All I really remember was the games. One was flying a rocketship and you made sure it didn't crash into planets by "focusing"... Another one was trying to keep a car on a road.
Idunno why I'm sharing this, really... I was reminiscing about my weird childhood last night and remembered this, and I guess I was wondering if anyone did anything similar.
Also, I wonder what they did with the technology and data... This was (wow) almost 20 years ago, why can't we play Mario with our "focus brainwaves" by now? | ADHD |
So far I've watched a show "And Everything Gonna Be Okay" a tiny bit and a movie "On Body And Soul", both had autistic characters. If you've seen them, what is your opinion on them?
I strongly prefer movies over shows. | aspergers |
Hi there. I'm not diagnosed with ocd but a lot of my symptoms relate to it so I hope this is na ok question for this subreddit. I have a bit of memory loss (actually quite a lot lol) and my "ocd" symptoms come in waves of quite intense intrusive thoughts. They began for the first time I can remember when I was around 14 but I can recognize some patterns before then too. I was wondering if periods of intense intrusive thoughts could be considered trauma? I want to figure out whether my memory loss is caused by it. | OCD |
Everything I try to use in dealing with my OCD it just finds a way to outwit me.
I can't stop questioning everything, including the techniques I have come across that are supposed to help.
Mindfulness - Just be the observer of your thoughts, let them be there you don't need to engage.
OCD - How do I know when to let a thought pass or when a thought is important? OCD has got in... DAMN!
Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) - Outline your values and take commited action based on them, while practicing mindfulness as well.
OCD - What are my values? Why should I value this or that? Which thoughts are important? How do I determine what I should value? How do I know I even exist? OCD wins again.
Accept Uncertainty - Just gotta accept uncertainty.
OCD - What uncertainties? How much?
You get the point...
Nothing I have tried works because I keep asking questions until it overwhelms me. It seems there is no answer and I'm doomed to torment forever. Hooray | OCD |
Ok so this happened when I was 13. I was a particularly hornknee kid. Like I would mast*rbate everyday, no cap. I remember being so desperate to watch this specific hentai that I actually went to these really sketchy websites. Of course I started to get pop up ads telling me I had a virus. Now be in mind this was a family laptop. I remember being freaked out that I actually downloaded one of the “anti virus” bs they were telling me to. Anyways we ended up not using that laptop ever again cuz it broke after a rough ride while we were moving. Now three years into the future I’m worried that my family’s info is compromised, and I’m freaking out. What am I gonna do if they are? Something surely would have happened by now if they were, right? | OCD |
Hi yall, ive got a flight coming up which is my deathly fear. Need advice on stopping my obsessive irrational thoughts about plane crashes and how to calm myself down. I often think if i do end up calming down, then the bad thing will happen. pls i need advice | OCD |
So everything is online now and everytime there's a class going on i would either A. Go do something COMPLETELY USELESS like googling what petrolatum is on my vaporub container or B. Sit there wanting to claw my eyes out of boredom and not learn anything in the process. I really think medication would help but i really don't want my parents to waste more money on medicine and therapy on me, especially since i live in Vietnam and medicine and therapies are SUPER expensive, does anyone have any advice on what i can do to get myself to focus ?, I know the consequence of what will happen if i keep this up. Another thing is I HAVE PSORIASIS, oof, those two things do NOT mix well in this mess of a body that i am. Having constant fatigue, short temper, flaky scalps and trying to keep my psoriasis medicine to not stick on clothes REALLY burns me out everyday too. What can i do? | ADHD |
First time caller, long time listener… when I found Reddit I was so happy because I could follow “happy subs” like dogs, pets, people doing good. I’ve posted a few times. You all have been so nice!
I’ll step back to… well, everything.
I’ve struggled since middle school, meaning I was never happy with myself. Life went on and I graduated HS and went to college. I graduated with honors and also with an eating disorder and depression.
For the past 20 years I’ve struggled with both. I’m on medication (Lithium, Prozac, Propranolol) that has seemed to work.
I still struggle, as all of us do, with the depression that has no answers.
I joined Reddit a while ago and was so happy that people like me were there! Smart, sane, struggling but okay.
Fast forward – I posted a dumb thing today on [https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeProTips/](https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeProTips/) because it occurred to me while driving.
I think I need a “thicker shell” because of some of the hate that was commented. I’m just upset b/c I thought (naively) that this was a fun spot. Anyhoo, thanks for you time and I really do love you guys! | depression |
I applied for a job. I have been on disability for years and just graduated college in 19. I’m a 40 year old aspie. I’m very excited for the job but worried I don’t get it. It’s absolutely perfect for me. It is my special interest. All I’m asking for is support from the aspie community. Oh and it starts at 60k with room for growth. | aspergers |
TL;DR: how do you deal with intrusive thoughts about conflicts and arguments?
So I have this problem when I would ruminate about having a conflict with somebody. I got pretty good at stopping those thoughts when they're about hypothetical conflicts with my wife or my estranged mother. I figured out there's no point in those thoughts, because they won't help solve anything. I don't need to prepare for hours long arguments with my wife, because she's a nice person and doesn't want to have hours long arguments. And my mother just invents things as she goes, so no one can be prepared for her shit shows. I also sort of stopped getting caught in ruminations about arguments with random strangers.
This sort of reasoning helped me understand that those intrusive thoughts about arguments were pathological and it helped me to stop. Now, I'm starting to have similar intrusive thoughts but about coworkers from my new job. I can see the pattern and how the thoughts absolutely consume my brain activity. I know I need to stop, but the same reasoning doesn't work in this case because I feel like I need to figure out how to protect myself from a couple of bossy coworkers who trigger these thoughts in me. So I guess there should be some other ways to make myself stop winding up my nerves, but I have no idea what it is. | OCD |
I think bout it all the time, it really really bothers me and I feel so much shame about it. But when I think about it I keep thinking about how it's not rape and how others have had worse happen.
I'm not going to do into detail but as a kid I got dry humped and grinded against in the pool by a sibling. He used to wrap my legs around him and I would try to get away but he wouldn't let me. And then he would swim and be grinding into me the whole time. This happened for a really really long time.
But it wasnt rape... There was no actual skin contact so why am I so bothered.
In trauma therapy the other day, all the therapist did was ask me how old I was and let me tell u I lost my shit. I can't have anybody say anything about it without me breaking down and crying.
However I feel kinda stupid that I was diagnosed with ptsd and have to do therapy because it doesn't seem like a legitimate reason.
There's been another incident with another sibling trying to stab somebody, but the other incident bothers me more. I don't know why I'm so sensitive | ptsd |
I recently just lost my PCP due to my difficulty making appointments and being late to everything, therfore have not been prescribed my Adderall in over two months. I've been looking for a new PCP and psych, however I intensively look and then give up for days and don't try.
I feel super bi polar right now. When I have my Adderall I'm active and have motivation to do things,, anything really, even the mundane. But without, which is most of the time lately,, I sleep for hours, have no interest in doing things I typically love, and barely have motivation to shower or do basic tasks. I also have hepatitis C, however when I have Adderall, the symptoms of the Hep (fatigue, ect) seem to minimize. I know this isn't a place to get mental health diagnosis, but I either have some underlying issues that need addressed or I am experiencing a dramatic effect of being unmedicated or both. I don't even want to check social media, or write without thinking it's not good enough compared to when I'm stable.
Has anyone experienced this, am I crazy, can anyone relate? Thanks. | ADHD |
It infuriates me that someone can ruin a child’s life and the child is left with all these mental health issues for life while the same people that abused her are flourishing and are well to do and successful.
How do I cope with this thought? | ptsd |
Many people describe adhd-like symptoms during and after pregnancy. They call it mom brain or pregnant brain. As a psychologist, I wonder why it is like that. I know the answer most likely is 'hormones' but what does it exactly mean? What hormones or neurotransmitters, in what part of the brain?
I wonder...if we have a thing that causes this during pregnancy (a temporary state, sympotms appear AND dissappear), can there be an actual cure for ADHD? | ADHD |
i know everyone can find himself scrolling through Instagram when he should be preparing for the exam (no rhyme intended) but am i wrong or do people with aspergers get distracted much easier? | aspergers |
my brain started like suddenly worrying about “what if you did this bad thing” then i imagined doing it just to make sure i didnt. and it wasnt true so it went away. but then my fucking ocd latched onto it and threw it back at me months later and is like “what if you really DID do this though” and i keel thinking and thinking and imagining and i still dont have any memories of doing it and i even genuinely still feel like this didnt happen at all but it keeps pushing it
now its been going on for a month, and i have to have ruminated on this for at least like over 100 times now. its been there for so long that it just totally made up a fake event and is making me believe that it happened and feel guilt too. on my best days i can know logically that i didnt do this but ill still feel uneasy. its miserable and im absolutely not gonna do that “maybe, maybe not” mentality because it relates to my gf and if it were true i would have to confess | OCD |
Diagnosed late in adolescence and I am constantly looking back on my past with questions.
I am and have always been hyperfixated on color theory, specific layouts and designs in my work. Whether it be in interior design, PowerPoint or my work on digital design, I can spend seconds figuring out the concepts and then hours on perfecting each millimeter or pixel.
My brain is almost hardwired to notice when a box or shelves is millimeters or a couple pixels in the wrong direction. Everything needs to align perfectly.
My family says I overcomplicate and ramble too much about the necessity of color palettes and 'harmonising' tones. They don't mind but sometimes I can come across rude when I tell them a color doesn't match their skin tone or makeup.
It has never been a true issue as I use it to my advantage. I have a side hustle of digital design and am constantly complimented on my work.
I have designed my family's homes and help out with their presentations. Its fun for me, like a game but sometimes I look back and realise that I put too much work into things others would not notice.
Anyways, anyone else have similar situations? | ADHD |
Having the feeling of being "forced" to do something because of what the time is makes me automatically rebel and unable to even begin whatever the task is. This morning it was predictablly "healthy breakfast and working out."
But foregoing any sort of driver or guide ensures I will spend the day in front of my computer anyway.
All the while, either way, driving myself mad, internally.
I've tried pomodoro but it just ends up pissing me off more than anything. I either get nothing done, or hyperfixate and ONLY do specific thing, letting everything else crash around me.
I'm 30. I'm medicated. I'm in therapy.
And every day I feel the Life Clock tick a little bit closer to... "too late."
Has anyone else dealt with this and found a solution...? | ADHD |
I am afraid I groped my baby brother (he’s 3 months old). I was holding him and went to put my hand under him for support, I remember noticing my fingers touching the area below his penis (he was fully clothed up). No matter how hard I try, I genuinely cannot remember what happened. I don’t know whether it was the fact that I left my hand there for too long, or if it was the way I simply put it there in the first place, but the blurriness of it is making me start to doubt myself. I’ve been pushing away the thoughts ever since and it’s been making me feel horrible, I can’t get over it. Even right after it happened, I remember feeling uncertain. I was a little unsure then, but it was nothing compared to how I feel now. | OCD |
Does anyone else feel like they get way more accomplished when they have the house to themselves? I never used to really think about this, but I lived alone for many years. It didn't matter what time of day, or what day, I did laundry, or cleaned, or did the dishes, or cooked, or did completely absolutely zero things. I found this freedom to be very helpful, and my home was generally clean and I ate healthy.
Now, I rent a room from a friend. Said friend monopolizes everything, and her kitchen habits are gross. Her house cleaning habits are weird (she doesn't seem to understand basics, like even that you have to mix Murphy's Oil Soap with water to clean floors, she put it full concentrate in her spray mop so it doesn't squirt cuz it's too thick). When she goes away, or is out for the day and I am home, I get SO much done. I can play music (definitely a life saver for me), not worry about clothing, and be my weird self while cooking up a storm (after cleaning it thoroughly from her gross habits), scrubbing my bathroom, or overhauling my bedroom, vacuuming etc. When she is home for long spurts, I become a hermit, stay in my room, eat out way too much, and my bathroom hasn't been properly scrubbed in weeks. I also put laundry off for as long as possible. Am I alone in this? Or is this common for others? | ADHD |
I'm starting to wonder if I have OCD (currently late 20s). I've always been an anxious person, but I recently started getting intrusive thoughts last month, which started after reading about in a news article. Sometimes I feel calm know the thoughts are bullshit, but other times, it feels so real.
Since last month, I've been constantly anxious and ruminating about what ifs and arguing with the thoughts. It hasn't affect my work too much yet, but the constant anxiety has sucked the joy out of life. Some of what I been doing seems like mental compulsions, such as reviewing feelings/thoughts and ruminating, but I haven't experienced much of the other repetitive behaviors others have talked about here.
I can think of one other 6 month instance many years ago in my past where I was convinced that after a website which I didn't have an account on got hacked, I was imminently going to get all my online passwords/identity stolen, and obsessed over checking that my passwords still worked. However, I haven't had an episode as bad as that until now.
Could anyone else relate to this experience? Could this just be an episode that will past? I seems strange to me that I'm experiencing these thoughts after not have a problem with them for many years. I regret reading that article so much. | OCD |
Mine tend to come in the evening and in a week probably get it like 5 times.
Don't think i do anything to trigger them | aspergers |
Fuck this fuck this fuck this. I am fucking tired of this. | depression |
ive felt like shit and paranoid and confused all day and its only noon, i have no idea what to do with myself. i need to keep myself occupied somehow but it feels unbearable and i nothing sounds fun. i dont know what to do | ptsd |
I was abused by a family member from 12-15 and I never know whether that is classed as being abused as a child.
I'm thinking there are actual resources regarding child sexual abuse and how that can lead to certain mental illnesses (DID being one), but when I've tried to research to find information on ages I've struggled to find anything.
does anyone know what is the upper age that "abused as a child" refers to? | ptsd |
It may sound weird but I think OCD is stopping me from being able to cry.
Whenever I am crying and I think of my worries to try to get that out of my system too, I all of a sudden stop crying. I also physically can’t cry about my OCD.
I feel this is my OCD tricking me because I feel as if me crying about my worries proves they’re not real but I don’t really cry about them for reassurance. It’s just a side thing. Especially since my OCD is so severe.
Does anyone relate? | OCD |
Yesterday I spent 4 hours on Reddit just making one post and responding to some people's comments.
Edit: This took me like 1hr15min. Which is actually good, I finished phase 1 of adding anything important you need to know, and was supposed to do phase 2 of cutting it down and grammar but I was hoping maybe this is the one time it's okay to include lots of details because I need the best advice I can get, since this is affecting me so much? At this point my life is college, work, and reddit. Which actually, I'm behind in all my classes now. "omg omg I have to go study right now but I can't until I post/perfect this." I'm getting desperate
\*\*Tldr; Since about 2 months ago I spend too much time on posts (2-3hrs) and comments (can be up to 1hr) because I need to perfect everything I write. I stopped visiting the reddit homepage so I save time, but I still waste time on my own posts and people who comment on my posts. I can't delete my reddit account or app; I actually feel like I need it for questions and advice, I just need to control myself. I'm not sure if I've always been like this or if I just noticed it. I have always been the person to go over word limits but it was not like this. It's keeping me from having a normal life, I'm behind in my classes. Only new things that happened in life that may or may not be relevant is shitty life stuff that made me really stressed out and anxious, starting Vyvanse, and helping people perfect their grad school personal statements (my mind might still be in this perfection phase, idk).\*\*
I would really appreciate it, thank you in advance :(((
Hi everyone. I'm really tempted to just delete all my reddit accounts, it's wasting so much time in my my life. But I feel like I can't let go because it's actually helpful for things I can't find on google or asking people in real life. I really want to try and keep Reddit because of this, I just need to "control" myself.
It can take me 2-3 hours to write (long) posts, an hour for comments. Someone's post or comment will be short and then my response is 4x as long. Thing is, it wasn't like this before. Maybe \_max\_ 30 min for a post?
I need to make sure every detail is included so that readers have the full context, so that they take all that into account with their responses.
Edit: Oh I actually do this with emails too, but it's not as big of a deal since I don't have to write them often
Then I'm like okay this is too long no one's gonna read, or this part is confusing, or this sentence would make more sense in the first paragraph, or some of these sentences can be structured better, etc.. And then in the case that it's too long (almost every time) I'll delete the whole thing which I have just spent over an hour on to retype and make it more brief. Then I still spend time editing the new one to make it more brief. I probably reread my post >5 times and find edits to make after. And I justify these edits, i.e. "this would have confused readers so it's a good thing I noticed it"
And then I spend an unreasonable amount of time responding to comments. i.e. if I went on Reddit for 2 hours, I'll only really see like 6 posts that whole time because I have to respond to the post or people in the comments. Like, I need to share my input too! I click on the comments of almost every single post, sometimes because I actually want to respond, most of the times I'm just curious but then see comments I \_have\_ to respond to.
I stopped checking my homepage so that I don't see posts I wanna leave comments on. But now I'm doing it to the people who comment on my own posts. So much wasted time. When you read my comment you would think that it probably took 5 minutes, when it actually took half an hour.
I get lost in time. Like "okay I've been doing this for 20 min, let me finish up" but find myself still on it 20 min later, tell myself I only need 5 more min, rinse and repeat.
I can't tell if I'm losing my English skills because my post/comments need so much editing, or if it's a sudden need that my audience has to have every single detail with perfect grammar, or if I just didn't care enough before ? Or maybe I have always done this but didn't notice it since I didn't use Reddit as much, I have no idea.
I do know that in general, I write too much. I.e. I've always been the person who had a lot of trouble making my essays short; I would reach the max two pages for example but only be halfway through. But it still was never like this. It didn't take up this much time.
The only things in life that changed prior to my 2 months of doing this is shitty life stuff that happened (involved lots of stress and anxiety), and then starting Vyvanse. Not sure if they're relevant or a coincidence, but thought I would mention them. Also if relevant: I started 10mg, then 20mg, now on 30mg (still not doing anything).
One more thing: I was helping my brother and friend over the summer throughout the process of writing their personal statements. They're both shit at English so I, this time reasonably, spent a lot of time with them helping them perfect them. The grad schools they're applying to are very competitive, so in this case it's important to "perfect" them. I'm not sure if I just became stuck in this state of mind and it carried over.
My mom told me an hour ago she wants to talk to me but I told her to wait because I don't wanna lose my focus :((( an hour
I would appreciate tips and advice, thank you so much | ADHD |
I have severe depression. I even have social anxiety. I'm currently taking anti-depressants that the doctor gave me. I am a 23yo boy (not american citizen) I have depression because I have gynecomastia or Man-boobs and it turns out that the cause is a tumor in my brain called a pituitary microadenoma. the tumor made the hormones in my body out of balance one of the prominent effects was man-boobs. I'm always the victim of bullying, I'm always the butt of jokes, I can't leave the house without a jacket and that stresses me out. I don't know how long I have to save from my salary, I won't be able to meet the operating expenses.($2000) Not to mention that my coworkers are sometimes very mean and bullying me makes me look ugly in front of customers and managers. being born into a poor family made it difficult for us to have health insurance. I'm trying to make a campaign about my disease. but people like to see me as a joke, they think I'm a fraud. how do I get people to believe in me? I'm even willing to videocall people and see me in person! I can do that I'm real! i will do what i do to get surgery money! I want this all to end. help me please! | depression |
She was being blatantly suicidal on her instagram. This isn't the first time she's done this, everytime she does I tell her how much I care and love her, I chat with her and try to help her in anyway that I can, but I just can't do it anymore. It's so hard worrying about her all the time, and I'm so afraid she'll commit suicide. I can't help her. I'm not a professional. So I called the non-emergency line. I know she'll be upset if she finds out I'm the one who called. She'll hate me forever for it. | depression |
My good friend of 9 years committed suicide a year and I came to know today as I was totally away from social media and lost all thr contacts. Reason is the family pressure for bad marks in competitive exams here in India. I have no words and completely depressed please help. | depression |
I'm 6 foot something and currently weight 130 pounds. I haven't eaten anything today, yesterday I only had 4 slices of pizza. I can't remember the last time I felt full. I buy groceries and throw them away when they expire because I don't eat them in time. I really want to stop doing this and gain weight, but it's a hard habit to break. Has anyone been in a similar spot and gotten out of it? Any advice / insight? Cheers, Claire | depression |
I feel like my obsessive thoughts are all that come out of my mouth a lot of times when I talk to people. When I’m not talking it’s all I think about, and eventually I feel like exploding and feel like I can’t keep in all of the thoughts and have to share with someone, any one else? Whenever I try not to talk about it and keep it to myself I start getting really overwhelmed and depressed and then I feel like I’m a burden and I feel lonely, which is the main reason I will get suicidal since I start feeling like I’m too much for people, that I’m annoying, that I talk too much, etc…What can I do about this? | OCD |
I am so afraid of people knocking on my door. When they do, I lock myself in my closet until they leave, no matter who they are. People who are close to me know that, when they are at my door, they should call, text, even scream my name from the other side of the door.
I live in a basement suite. I live above a family who does a lot of "knocking". By that, I mean, a lot of behaviours that resemble knocking. I don't know what they are but I hear them. How do I cope with this? | ptsd |
I went to an online OCD treatment facility through NYS and was diagnosed with Pure Obsessional OCD, as my supposed compulsions are internal or communicative. Both my mother and father have anxiety disorders and my mother has been taking medication for Bi Polar disorder/OCD for most of her life. As I am approaching my mid-twenties, which was around the time both of my parents were given their diagnosis, I felt it was appropriate to seek help as my symptoms began to take away from my personal life and job duties. Here is my story (kind of long):
I constantly worry there is something “wrong” with me. I spend much of my time debating with myself over my intelligence, my existence, whether I am correct or just a rambling idiot...exedra. Another series of intrusive thoughts, my significant other not being the right one for me, thinking of sexual behavior and abuse that does not coincide with my real sexuality, and worrying I am being inappropriate with my co workers or my professors.
Prior to seeking professional advice, I’ve thought I had just about everything under the sun; a brain aneurysm, cancer, brain tumor, Lyme disease (where I am from the ticks are so disease ridden that Lyme is almost guaranteed if bitten), Autism, ADHD, BPD, and Bi Polar Disorder. Sometimes there are intense visuals that will play in my mind unexpectedly or intentionally, leading to heart palpations and labored breath.
After a few years, and an especially bad few months, of thinking I am some sexual pervert, of constantly doubting my own capabilities, of fearing a possible mistake made on my part, and if one is made, breaking down and psychoanalyzing every little thing I did until I am in a tail spin through my own thoughts, I decided to reach out for professional help. I pieced together this obsession in something being wrong with me, and the constant internal arguing with myself, is in itself a mental illness.
The therapist reaffirmed this conclusion and basically told me there are only a few ways to tackle the intrusive thoughts. One of them being CBT, another, medication, (I am a bit apprehensive about this one), and then finally exposure therapy. As I believe shared trauma brings us humans together, feel free to share your experiences with this illness and answer some of the questions below.
What has worked in elevating symptoms for other Pure O suffers? What is your story? Any similarities with mine? Any advice from those that may not have Pure O but still suffer from extreme intrusive thoughts? | OCD |
How did you become depressed ? What caused it ? How do you deal with it ? What medicines are you taking ? Please share.
Thanks. | depression |
I haven´t slept for the last 35ish hours even though i tried everything but i don´t feel tired that much, more like i´m 2 hours over my average go to bed time.
I´m feeling like shit but also hyped for some reason. almost like i´m on some chemical drug.
Am i turning crazy? | depression |
Personally speaking I’ve always felt sorta a connection to animals as a whole. I like my days often to have a scheduled routine of (waking up, eating, playing some games, using Reddit, eating again, going to my job, coming home to rest and relax, having dinner and desert, and finally going back to sleep.)
Animals also like eating certain foods over others which I also relate too personally speaking. Also there lives are just very simple and while I feel I would like a bigger role in something I’d like too not take up my routines I usually do in my day to day life. This has lead to me liking lots of characters in movies who are animals (not cartoons but actual animals) such as the Dinosaurs in documentaries.
Do any of you feel a similar way? | aspergers |
I have some health issues this year which are new and pretty debilitating. And this has put me in a new and complex social situation. I now need to explain what's going on to people and deal with the dynamics of getting emotional and physical support. My family and friends really care about me, but I find they're often not there and my mom in particular has this very distant reaction. She goes kind of cold and dark and turns away when I say I'm not feeling well. And she'll then ask me what's wrong as if she doesn't know, or she wants to ascribe some emotional reason to the whole thing, like "I know the pandemic is hard for everyone." I've accused her of just not believing that I have a physical condition, and she has always denied it. But yesterday it occurred to me she may not understand it, even though I've explained it. So I took some extra time to explain what my condition is and that may have helped? She can also just have a hard time understanding things sometimes, like she'll miss important plot points when we're watching a movie together. So I wonder if she has simply been confused. I also wonder if she is too anxious about me to respond appropriately, or if her emotions get in the way of her understanding. I've been trying to ask for particular things, "Could you hug me? Pat my back? Help me get lunch?" It's helped me to distill what I want. But I also feel a big disconnection still, and I wish she was offering to help without my asking. This whole things has been pretty painful.
I've also had the feedback from a friend that when I ask for help, it doesn't sound like I really need it. I've heard this too from professionals. That same friend seems to have all these good moves for keeping people in the loop when things are hard and they always seem to get the help they need. These include - Slow intros to things ("Remember when last year...") and -Always making it clear that people have lots of options to help or not help and -I think they must describe how bad things are better than I do. I've always tried to handle things myself, so ... yeah: looking for help on looking for help. | aspergers |
Ok a bit of a clickbait title but.. Before medication I felt insatiable. Eating whatever junk food I could just to feel that dopamine rush. I felt controlled by food. Couldn’t go more than an hour without thinking about it. Every moment either spent resisting it or giving in.
After starting medication my appetite definitely went down a considerable amount. I always thought that was a bad thing. But I was finally able to see food as nutrition- fuel for my body. It wasn’t taking over my life anymore. I started eating better so I felt better. less tired, less depressed. I am able to think about what is going to give me energy and let me feel good, I finally feel like I have control over something that has controlled me for so long and it feels so good. | ADHD |
I have ADHD type inattentive and hyperactive. I’ve been taking medication and it’s been helping the inattentive aspect but the hyperactivity is getting worse. Usually just running around the house a few times a day was enough to not cause extreme stress but now I NEED to go to the gym for at least an hour and do extreme exercise. if I miss a day because I’m busy I just become stress city. And not gonna lie I do feel like I’m pushing my body’s limit on many days and it’s physically tiring. How do you guys cope with the hyperactivity without physically draining yourself?
Ps. I already quit caffeine because it doesn’t do well with the medication I’m taking. (Concerta)
Ps again. I’m following up with a psychiatrist soon I just need a temporary fix because I just need things to do on days I can’t exercise | ADHD |
Currently, it is 00:37 hours and I feel extremely overwhelmed; I am Male and 23 years old student at a university trying to find the strength to finish my bachelors; currently I am frustrated at the prospect of being unable to find work within my field (accounting), and trying to find a job as i lost my previous one about a month ago- I have been living off of my savings for the past month- I took some of my meds thinking it would have given me the dopamine I would have needed to get some of my school work started but, instead I feel as if my mind is too overly stimulated at the moment to do anything all day.
I feel extremely overwhelmed while feeling apathetic about anything and everything. I am feeling extremely anxious and concerned about my grades and feel awful at the prospect of me even typing this out instead of reviewing material. I accomplished nothing today other than getting groceries and consuming enough calories for me to survive. I have taken walks around my neighborhood, called my friends to see if they could help talk me out of my negative self talk but, I still feel trapped in my bubble.
I wonder if my current depressive episode is a side effect of my stimulant medications or, of it is a result of the darkening of the weather, or if it is just my ADHD brain telling me today is not a day we are going to work. Whatever it is I want to know if anyone out there reading this has ever found themselves in a Rut like this and, if so, how do you get out? | ADHD |
Ok so I very mild compulsions but extreme and super consistent intrusive thoughts. I don’t talk to people about them cause most people either think I’m crazy and get scared cause they think I’m going to hurt them or laugh at me.
Plus if I don’t talk about them then I can get on with my day as soon I talk about them I usually brake down...
I think I’m coping well but I dunno why others think I’m not.. so I’m just asking how everyone else deals with it and if others think they are doing bad? And what a bad day might look for others cause obvs we all are different. | OCD |
I have a fake memory of something that took place around 2 years ago. It is a terrible thing to think about and my brain is inconsistent. Sometimes I tell myself: "This is just OCD, nothing like that happened" and sometimes I think that it actually happened. I then imagine the emotions I supposedly "felt" in that moment and think: "OH, GOD, IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED!" | OCD |
I need some help and information on this as I am so worried and panicking. I have contamination ocd which is pretty bad, to the point where leaving the home means having panic attacks and washing my hands until they bleed. Today I was walking to a friends house and I saw a plaster on the floor. This plaster was outside the steps of the shop I was going into on my way. I saw the plaster and obviously thought it was a bit gross and continued on after stepping over it. On my way out I had to go past it again and once again I made sure to step over it. As I was then walking to my friends house I notice the strap of my bag dragged on the floor a little bit, this is when I panicked. Immediately I thought had it scraped along the floor on the plaster, what if it had and obviously that plaster probably has blood on it, is it now on the strap of my bag. I know it sounds stupid but what if my bag did touch the plaster. I tried my best to avoid giving into it, told myself the bag didn’t touch the plaster and avoided the urge of compulsions, to clean my clothes, my body and my bag. I’m worried now though that if the bag did touch the plaster and I haven’t cleaned anything at all. Please help. | OCD |
I just wish mental health awareness were more widespread and better. My parents used to scream at me when I was a kid every time I do something ocd related, and threaten me with my triggers for contamination ocd so I’d do the things they’d want me to do.
This led me to having more problems (not diagnosed but I do have cluster b traits), as they didn’t help me but instead made my life more difficult. And as I’ve recently confirmed that it’s ocd, they’d feel attacked and say “well I didn’t know” as an excuse for their behaviour (though they’ve apologised once). I just feel really invalidated all the time and I don’t know where to put all this desperation in me.
Life sucks lmao | OCD |
I started taking Adderall(generic) on thur.
He started me at .5mg twice a day 8am/1pm.
I had an app mon and he upped it to 10mg twice a day. I started a week late do to insurance, so it was a quick change between doses.
I was diagnosed with TOVA. So on the results let’s just say it’s a scale of 1-10 I’m around a 8.5. Having three different doctors it’s difficult having them all on the same page.
I’m having this problem by the 5th hour it’s slowly wearing off. 6th hour it’s almost off and by the 7th it’s gone. After that everything just comes back 10 fold. Can’t focus, Im going back and forth between apps, and then my thoughts are back to uncontrollable. So I’ve been taking a extra half dose at 5-6pm to get me through the night. But bed time procrastination has me up till past 12, and by 10 then who can go to bed with their adhd on full blast after having peace?
So has anyone else had this issue? Any tips for a newly diagnosed?
Thank you 💜💜💜 | ADHD |
In fact, I like my own company so much I often end up destroying potential relationships befpre they’ve begun. | aspergers |
Two years ago, I made my first of three suicide attempts. Along with my untreated Manic Depression,my PTSD was unbearable. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t go out anywhere, touch or noise could send me into a flash back or panic and I didn’t want to face another 40 years of hell.
After some time in hospital, a ridiculous amount of hard work, my amazing therapist, some great meds, and a tribe of humans that I couldn’t have survived without, I was told today by my treatment team that I don’t have enough symptoms anymore to be classified as having PTSD.
I just needed to share. I’m very proud of myself. | ptsd |
There’s an asshole in my neighborhood. Annoying, racist, rude wife, just an asshole. While I was walking my dog, I spit on his car. He walked outside when I was walking away. My brain has tricked me into thinking he saw me. And now my OCD has made me terrified. I’m afraid he knows what I look like, where I live, what my dog looks like, and that some disaster will happen, and I will end up in juvie or homeless, from getting kicked out. I’m terrified.
Please help me. My OCD is very new, so I don’t know how to control it yet. | OCD |
Hey yall,
This is a little bit of a rant, and a reach out of support and empathy not only for myself but hopefully for anyone else who may be struggling with these sub symptoms of adhd too and feel alone with it.
So I'm diagnosed with inattentive (diagnosed beginning of this year at aged 27). It's helped tremendously, helped me forgive myself for years and years of blindly assuming I was a bad human being that simply didn't function well. I've learned to understand myself far more, show patience and more love and acceptance and to compartmentalise the things I can actively change as they're just habitual, and accept the things that are more difficult to curb as they're simply adhd traits.
As time goes on (and as does the irony of knowing I've got two degrees in psychology and am only now decidingly looking inward at my own psychology) I'm able to slowly piece together what was learned behaviour from childhood and environment (which can ultimately be "unlearned") and what's part of adhd (that can be managed). I know my psychology, as is for all of us, is not made from one factor. It's a multitude, and I'm enjoying the rather painful and uncomfortable process of ironing these things out. apparently 27 years old is usually the age of self growth and discovery and my god does it feel like a painful tooth trying to shove its way through.
Anyway. One thing I've realised has always had a complete and utter grip on me since I was a child - but has grown worse this year - is sleep. And I'm pretty sure now it's caused from a combination of both childhood and environment, *and* adhd.
In a nutshell, grew up in a household of 8. Don't get me wrong, that was a lot for *all of us*. I think from a young age I loved being alone, I'd switch myself off and go scurry away somewhere quiet to day dream alone in a weird world. As a very little kid I loved drawing in my own silence, but sleeping pattern was good and always ofc reinforced by my parents. In fact it was really good, I remember having a reeeeally early bed time according to my peers in school. Into my teens, when shit hit the fan at home, that's where I found chaos brewing outward and inwardly and I found solace in nighttime. All structure had vanished anyway in the household. And I took grip of it and found peace in myself late at night, staying up listening to music and drawing, playing guitar, messing with makeup, reading. I felt at peace.
But would be falling asleep in class ofc
Fast forward now, I've recently finished my masters degree, and have always worked full time and yet I'm going to bed at 1 or 2am...sometimes 3am. Only to get up somehow and get to work by 9am. Forcing myself awake somehow.
The problem that grips me the very most with my brain and adhd is sleep. I realise that combination of adhd and environmental habits have been so engrained that even as an adult who is far away from the familial stressors and hurt, I still do it.
It's like a mild form of self harm in many ways. Well, it *is* self harm. Actively and repeatedly doing something that knowingly causes you harm.
I cannot break the cycle. I realise as this term of self discovery brews, many of my symptoms have felt highlighted and more difficult to manage in my own brain. More notably I realise just how intense and analytical and busy and non stop my brain is. Constantly. Not one solid, or singular or chilled and neutral thought. It's constantly a buzzing of multifarious thoughts, worries, hopes, regrets, successes, failures, fears, phobias, shame. Always shame
None of it stops. I'm constantly walking around with a head bursting full of private shame and half the time I barely even can locate the exact cause of the shame. Just shamed for being. I'm always on edge that my thoughts have become colourized and visible to outsiders who are then annoyed or overwhelmed or confused by me. I always feel an overabundance of imposter syndrome and find it extremely difficult to relax around others as I feel I'm about to annoy them, to disrupt them to inconvenience them with my very presence so I pull away from everyone to avoid any of it, I miss out on like minded and caring, compassionate unique people for fear of my own shame, which leaves me with my own private boiling point of a head.
And I think I've answered my own question of why sleep remains such a significant battle in my life. I cannot and will not turn this awful head off. And perhaps the thought of going to bed and having minutes of consciousness is too frightening to me, to be completely alone with these thoughts because if my head is so chattery and loud when I'm preoccupied or busy then how bad would it be when I'm in silence in bed?
I think that's why I do it. Prolong the act of being silent with my own thoughts and wait until I'm exhausted so I can drop straight off. But each day I wake up exhausted too. It affects my ability to relax bc I feel I'm always risking being late for things, for work, for events. It's a cycle of shame.
I always assume and deeply feel my boyfriend is ashamed of me too. Sees the worst in me the ugly the bad
Doesn't see me for the accomplished adult and woman I am, the one I forget that I am. I think he sees in me, what I normally see in me.
And I think if the one person I'm intimate with thinks it, everyone else will think it.
I need to fully accept myself, I need to embrace my busy head and find beauty in it and run with its energy instead of trying to shut it out.
I need to love myself and know that important people will love me too, will never find fault and bad, but embrace the good and lift me up.
And when all that's said and done... I need to sleep.
A set time, a healthy time. A good 8 hours all the time. I know my other adhd symptoms such as disorganisation and lack of concentration will ease up, if only I just heal my body with better sleep.
I just find it all too hard. I feel too alone in fixing this but more importantly, I think the biggest problem is I feel unworthy to.
So the biggest curse of adhd for me is sleep. The 2nd biggest is constant shame.
Sorry for this insane rant, it's been brewing in me for a long ass time. | ADHD |
I try to look for anything, talking about it but all I find are people defending said thing, and or saying your sensitive if you hate said thing. | ptsd |
Hello everyone, I'm a grade 12 student who suffers from OCD. I'm currently in my first semester of school and it has been fairly rough.
This semester I have advanced functions, physics, chemistry, and French. My grades in physics and chemistry are very low because instead of practicing, my OCD takes control and makes me complete compulsions.
It has been three years since I started treatment and although I have been using the treatment techniques, my OCD usually prevails. It has gotten to a point where I am completing my compulsions for upwards of 6-8 hours per day.
Why do I let my OCD control me? Am I weak for doing so? I have been feeling depressed lately and these were questions that frequently appeared in my mind. | OCD |
TLDR; I'm spent from my first two months at my first full-time gig. How does anybody have the time to work, look after themselves, do the things they love and see the people they love? I'm out of ideas.
I'm currently in my first full-time job (not an easy thing to get hours in retail or hospitality 😮💨) and just over two months in, I'm starting to get really down.
Let me make it clear that I LOVE the job. The mix of tasks I need to do, the pace, my co-workers, the actual space... I don't think I've ever been so happy at work. I genuinely enjoy it! And more than any other job I've had it links into my interests. I get to be genuinely excited about the things I deal with and talk about at work.
So why am I still struggling...?
I feel like I have no time. I have a commute but I have had for most jobs and honestly enjoy the bit of downtime it gives me. But say I get home between 6pm and 7pm (depending on which bus I get, if I need to pick up groceries, etc) that gives me 12 hours at home till I gotta get up again, and I kinda wanna sleep for most of that. I get home and I feel too spent to do anything but watch TV or play games, eat, and talk to my partner.
I usually get my two days off a week separated, and even if not, I feel like I need that time just to kinda exist without doing shit. So that leaves me with literally zero time to, y'know, see friends, do things I'm passionate about outside of work... just literally none of it. I don't even feel like I get to be fully present with my partner.
I just about manage to shower twice a week, I only eat cos my partner is happy to cook for us. Im always behind on chores at home. These things have improved with meds, but just from disastrous to less than adequate, y'know?
I can't afford to work less - me working part-time the last few years has made things so difficult financially that we're still not back out of those struggles yet. I don't get how people can do this and also have hobbies, go on days/nights out, see friends and family.... HOW?!
And because I enjoy work it's not even like I don't want to go. It's maybe the only place in my professional life where Ive felt respected enough to be given responsibility, comfortable to be myself, and genuinely a part of something that I think is important. I don't necessarily want LESS time there - I just wish days and weeks were twice as long so I could actually have a life.
I'm still able to enjoy so much, so I don't think I'm depressed or anything. I'm just spent once I'm out of work. When I think "well I basically have to work 5 days a week like this for the next 50, 60, god knows how many years..." I just break. I can't handle that. There is so much that makes my life worth living, but that isn't living.
I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels like this, but on a day-to-day basis, it makes me feel so alone. People around me (neurotypical, mostly) seem to juggle all of the things. I physically can't. And I don't want time to have run out and for me to have not even had a chance to spend time with loved ones or had a crack at my biggest dreams.
I feel kinda hopeless atm. If anybody knows anything that may help me, please let me know. | ADHD |
Do you ever have a day where your room is such a clusterfuck that you have to rip it apart and put it back together?
When I'm so busy or stressed I can't clean I throw it all in piles and hide it away in my closet or a drawer. Now I'm spending the second half of my day hacking at it after spending the first half being so overwhelmed by it I couldn't get anything done.
Oh god I have so many deadlines.
Send help.
No seriously how do ya'll keep things in order I need help
Also Uh this isn't relevant but uh. All my possessions are confined to my room. My aunt and uncle aren't allowing me to put any of my stuff in the garage (honestly all I want to put there is three 3 x 1 ft plastic crates and some extra sheets on top) or the hall closet. It is full of their own stuff that they have not sorted in the three years of moving. In fact I actually cleaned the garage for them when they left last summer because it bothered me so damn much. | ADHD |
I DID IT GUYS! I freaking did it. I've been doing exposures all day and fuck, it's been hard. There were a lot of mixed feelings at first, and, to be honest, It sucked, but I kept going and, now, I can say that, they are not as frightening as they were. I could say that I'm much more relaxed now. And I know that tomorrow might get worse, because that's how it is. I would probably be changing the obssesion when this one gets meaningless, but now, I'm fine, and that's all I got, the present. We can do this guys, it's not over for us, we can do this.
To clarify, I'm not attending to therapy at the moment because I can't afford it, but I cannot live like this anymore and I have to try and do it by myself. I know It's not the best thing to do, but it's all I got now.
I love you and I know that you deserve to have a lovely life. You are not a monster. I often think that if someone I knew had Ocd I wouldn't hate them at all, and I think that helps me to treat myself more kindly. I hope it helps. You are a beautiful soul, do not forget that. | OCD |
OK, well its a long story. I have autism, so that has sort of naturally made me worse at social skills. I was picked on a lot at primary school, and has only a couple friends and even they left me after a couple of years. I do have interests like writing, philosophy, piano and stuff, but that's never the "cool" stuff that's in right now like skating and stuff.
Then I went to high school, where the first couple years everybody tries to fit in. At this time I was really loud and out there, maybe too much, and I was called weird. Then noticing that this wasn't good feedback, I would be quieter and now I'm called boring with nothing interesting about me. I'm just really stuck on what to do.
My friends are the types to joke constantly, and I mean constantly, so I never really get good conversation out of them other than jokes. So at this point, especially after the covid lockdown, I literally feel like I can't speak at all. I haven't had a normal conversation about anything with people my own age for about 2 years now. There's nothing to say. I can't see how some people can just talk about anything, its really hard for me. Even when I talk about my hobbies, everyone seems to not care because its not the cool thing to do at the moment, like skating or something.
I also don't know when I'm meant to be enthusiastic or calm, it's really difficult to gauge these things with low social skills and autism.
TL;DR: Bad social skills and autism, means that I find it really hard to talk about stuff now, at all | aspergers |
Is it just me or there would be certain particular things that would trigger me so bad and lead me into a never-ending “flow charts” and “what ifs” followed by lists of reasons and rationalizing?
My biggest trigger has always involve relationships - and it hits the hardest during break up. For example - seeing his fav restaurant could lead me into a “how did he first discover this restaurant? Was it his ex gf?” Then I go down the rabbit hole lol.
When I catch myself being triggered now I ask myself this - 1) even if I spend hours thinking would I be able to figure out the truth? No. And 2) even if I do figure out the truth does it matter to me NOW? would it make any difference? No.
And I try to move on.
It is tough. But I think it is important to realize that sometimes there is no “truth” at all - heck sometimes they themselves don’t even know the answers to whatever I am trying to figure out. It is all in my head. | OCD |
When you were getting tested for ocd, and like what kind you have, what did they do? I’m just genuinely curious and terrified at the same time, because I might be getting tested soon | OCD |
I’m just beginning to suspect that I have autism, after years of wondering. Yesterday was sensory hell for me, I had sensory overload pretty much all day. I cried and fidgeted nearly constantly, and had an extra hard time with eye contact.
Is having days like this normal, or are traits usually more consistent than that? | aspergers |
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