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My first attempt at a rap but I thought this was a personal topic to me that would be good to go off any comments welcome I hope it helps some people
My name is OCD and you think you know me,
Being extra clean extra mean when your dishes dirty
But that’s not right you are wrong
Im so much more than a stereotypical moan
Twisting your thoughts, convincing you that you are the devil, creating landscapes of hell in which you are the artist beleveled
Making your thoughts a reality is my game - you don’t know even know you are playing which makes you insane
Counting, checking feeling bad, I’m all in your head and making you mad - you think you can control me with your compulsions, acting irrationally to get back to normality
You don’t stand a chance unless you know how to beat me ,
Mindfulness meditation medication is key
But most importantly they are used for just one way - for you to see
The ‘truth’ - that you will be okay,
Your thoughts aren’t reality so don’t be afraid.
I’m OCD I don’t want you to be brave - I need you to obsess about your darkest fears so you behave
I’m the devil incarnate beneath the skin
Accepting that your thoughts aren’t reality is the only way to win | OCD |
It makes me so sad. Especially knowing there's nothing I could do to really help them. My life is already shit and I'm already unhappy, I'd honestly give up anything to be able to see them happy. | depression |
I see long term exposure therapy as a lifestyle. A miracle sent by God to help us recover from the evil in the world. I started in 2014.
Recently, some of my symptoms have been getting better, one being regression, which was severe in my case. Today I had to take my dog into the vet for a similar reason to about 10 years ago, and I realized how much more effective the experience is without regression.
I think we have watched kids work out their trauma through play, but a lot of that is still done with the subconscious. I feel as if regression does the same. As an adult, we are able to process the trauma more consciously, which I hope helps in processing my PTSD memory loss for good. | ptsd |
Like its weird, since getting ptsd and OCD, ive developed constant tunnel vision and a tendency to be on high alert and i feel like its kinda changed my adhd. Like in one aspect i can focus better cus im super alert, but also i cant focus great cus im again, always alert. It makes sense cus ptsd and ocd both significantly cause ur norepinepherine to increase so maybe thats why. Norepinepherine is one neuotransmitter adhd meds increase | ptsd |
I have been dealing with ptsd for over a decade. I’ve had so much therapy I could be a therapist! I’m pretty good about talking myself through daily situations and arrange my day according to when I feel best. But nightmares have started again. It’s been about 6 months with only a few hours of sleep a week. How are you dealing with this? I know it’s abandonment issues because I’m always trying to prove myself or stop someone from leaving. I’m looking into hypnosis because I have exhausted all options I know. Please if you have any suggestions I would love to hear them. This is getting to a point where I’m becoming nonfunctional again. Stay safe everyone 🖤 | ptsd |
I’m numb. I’m emotionless. I feel like a waste of space. A sad excuse… I question myself. Do I really know what depression is? Do I know what anxiety is? I don’t feel and when I do all I feel is strong negative sad emotions.
This year has been rough. I want it to be over. For some reason this Christmas season I’ve felt so heavy.
I have everything anyone could ever want. A loving family! I’m blessed to have a job, good health etc.
I’m just not happy with myself. I guess I’m not satisfied. Lately I’ve been feeling him life is pointless. What’s the point of being here? Why am I living this life? I’m mad at myself for being here and feeling ungrateful when there’s people who are dying in hospitals, people who are starving/living in poverty, people who have no one. Yet, here I am crying and having mental breakdowns out of nowhere. I’m so tired. It just seems like a never ending cycle with my thoughts. | depression |
Ya it sucks, I hate my life, my life sucks, and is extremely pointless.
The worst Part is the social Isolation, I can't talk about this shit on Facebook because last time I mentioned the word sucide I had the police kicking down my door.
Yep I wasn't sucidal, I didn't threaten sucide. I talked about it, and was forcefully dragged out of my house at Gun point.
So ya. The Isolation makes it tough, and I have been known to be suicidal at time's. I'm just tired of this bullshit. I'm tired of family treating me like shit, there the one's who gave me PTSD.
I'm tired of being forced into a position where I can't escape the abuse, and I can't even renue my driver's license without the abuser entering my life.
I feel like I'm in hell. | ptsd |
I was wondering if anyone that is cooping/managing their ADHD at some point realized that how challenging it must have been for their parents?
To me, I noticed my mother was highly empathetic, more so than other mothers (with no discredit to any mothers). Seeing as my childhood friends always spoke with admiration of her kindness. Now I feel as though her kindness is also partly because of her extraordinary resilience to life. Having said that, my father was a reserved person, not at all emotionally expressive. I might even assume he could've been on the spectrum yet possessed an incredible resilience to the mundane and
Did anyone notice such (over)developed traits, or adaptive genetic expression if you will, in their parents seeing as we're somewhat different from the 'average' person? That is to say, what were the exceptional traits/gifts you think your parents taught you through your upbringing? | ADHD |
Trigger warning: rape, abuse, drugs, mental health
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So a guy who I'm interested in said I didn't deserve the abuse my ex did to me. I responded with "I've been through worse" and he responded "how?" So I verbally vomited this. I'm pretty sure it was the ultimate TMI.
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"Let's see. I was raped 3 times by 3 different men. I've been homeless. I've been drug addicted. I've been an alcoholic. I've lived in a trap house. I've almost died 4 times of acute kidney failure. I've tried to kill myself more times I can remember (it's been at least 5 years since I tried) I've been hospitalized dozens of times (both medical and mental) I've been abused by every man I know. I have debilitating PTSD and am on disability for mental illness which basically means I've wasted the last 9 years of my life. I've had 15 surgeries (2 brain) oh and my dad was alcoholic growing up. I'm 31 years old living with a mother that isn't healthy for me I have at least 20 diagnosis', 21 different meds, and swallow 40 pills a day. I have borderline personality disorder which means I am in a constant battle with non stop suicidal thoughts. I chase away all my friends etc etc. But I still manage to be positive and be a survivor of life instead of a victim "
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Oof | ptsd |
after episodes i've always been unable to talk during and for a little while afterwards, but recently i feel as though it's getting worse somehow?? my periods after episodes of being unable to speak went from a little bit afterwards to long periods of time afterwards, as well as being unable to move until that lingering feeling of uneasiness goes away. i've looked it up online but can't seem to find anything so i was looking to see if i could get any help here. | ptsd |
It’s been a long time since I just keep on trying to convince myself that ‘it will get better’ but shit is not changing. I am on a cocktail of pills, side effects suck, when I talk to my doctor about them she just adds more pills, and after 3 years still not a single change.
This sucks big time. I used to be such a happy and fun person, now I am but a shadow of who I used to be.
I am in a relationship where I do not feel supported but ridiculed. I am always trying to keep the peace and hiding how I am feeling.
I am so freaking lonely, even when there is someone next to me.
However, I am not looking to be rescued here, I just want to be understood.
I am dealing with a mountain of problems around me (other than this mental crap) and what does he do? He tells me that he want to move to a brand new apartment… by himself… LMFAO. Are you for real?
And when I showed my emotions about it, he tells me that I am overreacting, and that he doesn’t have to deal with ‘this’ right now because he is supposed to be living his best life.
Why don’t you just shoot me in the head.
That would be humane at least. | depression |
Hey everyone! Sometimes when I am reading, I feel very anxious, and it becomes very difficult to focus when I am reading, and understand what I am reading. Does anyone else ever experience this? This affects my checking OCD a lot! | OCD |
I have recently started dating a guy who's told me he has adhd. I've been doing some research but I haven't found much that I think is useful. What can I expect from an adhd point of view? I'm not talking red flags here (I found a lot of info on those while googling) I'm curious about the other stuff like quirks, love language that maybe isn't obvious to neurotypicals and general things he might appreciate etc.
I understand it's different from person to person but he's told me there are some common stuff as well.
I really like him and I want this to go well. Thank you in advance.
Edit: this blew up more than I could ever expect and I'm so thankful for all your wise responds. And thank you kind strangers for the hugz and silvers.
Edit #2: nevermind y'all he dumped me. But it was a good run up until then 😅 | ADHD |
You are supposed to shake hands, but what if you didn't? Would the outcome of a meeting really be different? You can just say "hello" instead.
In the Netherlands we have a way of adressing old people. It is supposed to be respectful. It is a different word for the dutch equivalent of "you".
They never explain why this is respectful. If they use it with me when I'm old, I would be like: "why do you remind me that I'm old? ...". It is also feels putting old people above yourself. Aren't we supposed to be equal?
We kiss secondary family 3 times on the cheek. But why? Isn't one kiss enough? Why even kiss, just say goodbye.
You are supposed to let women go first through a door, according to some people. That does not make it seem men and women are equal. It makes it seem women are above men. I propose: if man is closest to the door he opens, otherwise the other way around.
The same with men opening car doors for women. I propose: if driver == man: man opens; Else: woman opens ;
It apparently is polite to say "can I order" when calling to order fastfood. But what else are you gonna do if you call a line that is set up for ordering food? It would be better to just start your order immediately after saying hello.
Cashiers are supposed to say hello and it is seen normal if they talk to customers. However, this talking slows the queuespeed down. Why not just go all self scan? Cashiers jobs are actually redundant if you have a good system in place.
You are supposed to hang out with people just because you have the same surname/genes/"blood".Let me choose who I hang out with! I believe more in a vin diesel "family". You don't have to be related to really care about eachother.
The 5 days a week school and work is a weird norm. If I go to school/work 5 days a week, why don't I get 5 days back of freedom? 2 days is not really a fair trade. (I will search for a part-time job after graduation).
9 - 5 is also too much. You have to go home and maybe cook after that. (I will freeze food in the free days when I will live alone, so I don't have to do that)
It is the norm that kids should play/be a kid and not be forced to do things, but I've seen one father who let his kid as a baby listen to music notes and the verbal word for them. The kid devloped perfect pitch. So, although you sacrifice freedom of the kid, shouldn't we take advantage of the high learnability of kids/babies? That way he will be a genius in something when older, because he aquired the power when he had superlearning ability.
There are all sorts of cutlery rules that restaurants apperently follow. Does it really matter? The customer will just put the cutlery how he wants it in mere seconds.
Pizza hawaii is looked dowm upon because you aren't supposed to put pineapple on a pizza. If someone likes it though, what's the problem?
You are supposed to look others in the eye even though you can just communicate with words just fine.
Can you add more things?
If all people just learned to have an open mind to everything, the world would be so much better. But no, there are rules once set and never reconsidered and everyone is expected to follow them.
I will not treat others like that. I will never tell someone to be normal. I will treat others like unique and independent, apart from the rules of society. If someone likes pizza hawaii, let him eat it. If someone doesn't want to talk to a cashier let him. If a cashier doesn't want to talk, let him too. I wouldn't mind a cashier just pointing at the price and at the bankpassthingy and then I pay and go. (Don't even need to point, because the bankpassthingy has a screen which says you can pay). If someone doesn't want to shake hands or look me in the eyes, it's okay.
I wish we treated every human as an entity with it's own rules and not make up rules together, except for really necessary rules, like: don't steal, don't murder. | aspergers |
So I recently started my first semester of college this week and I'm kind of freaking out. My school is located downtown so I have to take a bus and a train to get there. I always lived in walking distance from my elementary and high schools so I never really used public transportation until now. Also this is the first time I've been to school in person for about a year and a half, and my OCD definitely worsened throughout quarantine. Usually I used to be fine for the most part when I was outside at school or at work because I knew I'd be able to go home, shower, clean my phone/stuff and my clean room and clean bed and clean bedsheets waiting for me. But now, that thought just doesn't comfort me anymore when I'm out. I feel so anxious and disgusting on the train and the bus and all I can think about it how many people have sat in that same seat or touched that same handle and it really stresses me out. Not to mention the commute is 2 hours so I have to suffer through it the entire time until I can get home and scrub myself clean, which I've also had the compulsion to do even more vigorously since I've been using public transport. I've already had eczema on my hands and neck from how dry my skin is from scrubbing so damn hard with my loofahs and it's only getting worse. I keep hand sanitizer with me when I go out but I even after multiple pumps I feel like it's not enough and it still doesn't help with how anxious and uncomfortable I feel the entire time. And idk how I'm gona do this for the entire semester. If anyone has any tips pls post bc I'm desperate and very stressed. | OCD |
For example I have to constantly balance my body by shifting my weight, I also struggle at the grocery store cause it takes me forever to pick up a product that feels 'just right'. I also have very dark intrusive thoughts of stabbing friends and pushing strangers in front of trains and I can't touch metal surfaces in public because of fear of germs | OCD |
It’s nearing the 2nd anniversary for me in a month. I was doing okay. But my flashbacks are coming back and i have this feeling of dread when i open the door and feel the cold air. I wish i could fast forward the holidays. I used to love winter. | ptsd |
Have you guys read this book? I’m extremely grateful for it. Without it, I wouldn’t have realised I have OCD and I wouldn’t have asked for help. It’s hard to read when you deeply relate to Aza’s (the main character) struggles but it’s an extremely accurate representation of how devastating and debilitating OCD is | OCD |
I have a huge fear of feces and fecal contamination. I absolute can not touch the hole of the soap otherwise it’a contaminated and I throw it away. Today I spent 10 mins sniffing my soap and my mind convinces me it smelt like feces even though I’m sure it didn’t. I got angry, started to cry then threw the bottle on the floor out of anger. I’m still fuming right now | OCD |
I’m home for Christmas at my parents house. Only being in my old room and being at home is managing to trigger both of my previous traumatic experiences as both happened at home at one point or another (sexual abuse and severe illness). I’ve not been sleeping properly at all up until about 5am and it’s just getting no better and may be getting worse. I don’t want to tell my parents as they’ll just freak out but I don’t know what I can really do. I’m here until the 3rd Jan but I’m heading home on the 30th and I might just stay then and do New Years on my own. | ptsd |
So I'm in the process of seeking a diagnosis, and I feel like I've hit a road block yet again. I asked my primary care Dr for a referral to psychiatry. They set me up with an APRN. Within the first few minutes of speaking with her about my concerns, she said "you realize that adhd doesn't need to be medicated", and then never brought up my concerns again.
She then proceeded to only re-prescribe me Buspar for my anxiety, which I was on a few months ago. It did nothing for me, but apparently taking it one more time per day at the same dose will make a big difference.
Should I keep pushing for her to look into it further, or should I just try to find someone else? (...again) | ADHD |
Our daughter is 13 and has been diagnosed with OCD (mainly contamination). She's been taking fluoxetine (35mg) for about a year and it has helped a lot. She does still have some behaviors that we don't understand. Does these things below sound like OCD to you?
In conversation she often stops to ask is she's talking too loud or to say "I'm not mad at you." She worries all the time about taking too much of something/appearing greedy or seeming lazy or "shirking."
Basically she comes off as a bit neurotic, and always fretting. She alternates this with periods where she just tunes out entirely. For example if she's watching Tik Tok. It makes sense that she needs a break from being so hard on herself.
The tough part is that there's very little middle ground and it's really tough for her to get things done. She has a hard time staying on task. It has aspects of ADHD but she didn't do well on a simulant ADHD med at all. We're working on the theory that her poor focus is from the cognitive "cost" of all those worries.
Does this sound familiar to anyone? Any advice for sorting OCD from ADHD?
Thank you! | OCD |
I know this might be a reach but if anyone has seen the new season I need advice on triggers.
I started watching the handsmaids tale when it first came out. I very much enjoyed the show and was uneasy with the graphic scenes and mentions of SA but I was still able to watch it. There was a long gap between season three and the new season because of covid and in that time the event that caused my ptsd occurred.
I'm guessing season 4 doesn't have the same graphic SA scenes but I'm scared to watch it because I don't know if there will be this triggers. Any advice? | ptsd |
I'm a two-time combat vet, I served in Iraq (Al-Anbar) for a year in 06-07, and Afghanistan 09-10 as infantry in the Marine Corps. Since I got out of the military in 2010 I have always been good because of my insane drive to do things "right" or OCD as the Dr puts it. But I just can't find any consistency and it makes suicide seem like a viable and practical option at this point. I genuinely don't know how to be a normal person anymore, I've had good "starter jobs" where I destroy myself working my fingers to the bone and everyone around me says they want to promote me. It always comes crashing down with extreme anxiety I hide from other people, 2019 was the worst year of my life and I'm sitting here on new years eve thinking, "do I really want another year?". In 2019, I got divorced by a wife who cheated and then got an abortion without telling me, had to quit my job because she wanted to live in a place we could only afford on two incomes, and paid off the rest of the 6 months remaining on the lease by eating nothing but tortilla's and peanut butter while working at McDonald's and living on the floor of my old friends house. I used to have such energy to start over and get motivated about the next big thing. While I was working at MCD I got promoted to shift manager and my strange and bad communicating boss(genuinely I think her anxiety kept her from being capable of reassurance or straight forward communication) essentially avoided trying find solutions to problems. She always said nice things and told me what a good job I was doing but, the more I worked the more it became me picking up just a little bit more of everyone else's job until I was working to the point of being drenched in sweat every single night ( I managed the overnight). I did such a good job in fact, that when an employee called out or the shift before me left a huge mess it started to give me panic attacks because I was 100% positive I wouldn't be able to deliver the results I was normally capable of. During this process I found out I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It wasn't the kind of thing where the doctor said "you aren't going to make it" but hearing the big "C" word when you already have diagnosed PTSD/Acute anxiety disorder, and are stressed beyond belief in this kind of job while sleeping on the floor because you are still paying off debt from a divorce you didn't want was "it". I just couldn't take it anymore, so I quit and came home to my parents farm while I got treatment, I am cancer free now post surgery by 7 days and I genuinely can't find it in myself to start over again. I just want to give up on life because it feels like a cycle of try hard and do the right things and wait for some non-existent god to answer prayers for stability, I look around and realize I genuinely am a good person who wants the absolute best for people around me. Then I struggle to ever find anything that takes the edge off so that I can not be freaking out as the pressure builds and gives me chest pains. What is life and why do I have to keep doing it? I've been stuck in the cycle of ebb and flow where I get excited about things and try to build a future for myself over and over since I got back from Afghanistan, and I genuinely don't want it anymore. I'll outwork any person on the planet, but I just don't feel like there is any return on the investment. PTSD/Anxiety hasn't only ruined my life, but it has created a cycle of hell where I continually have my life ruined by it just to get excited about the next thing before it all comes crashing down again. I don't want to go through the next phase of the cycle again, because I don't think I will make it this time. | ptsd |
Hi everyone, I’m 21F 170lbs on 30mg of vyvanse and have been on it for 2 weeks after upping the dose from 20mg (which I was on for 3 weeks).
The side effects genuinely make no sense to me whatsoever and it has been very stressful trying to cope. They seem to occur randomly and change day to day, and then change especially if I go one or two days without meds.
At first my 20mg just made me a bit anxious and made my heart race for a few hours after taking it. Then, after upping to the 30mg, after I take my dose I have no clue what will happen. I could be very intensely focused for an hour, I could have a panic attack, I could start crying, I could get very hyper/euphoric and text everyone I know. I sometimes crash at 1pm, sometimes at 6, sometimes not at all, and I take it between 8 and 9am every morning. I have had two weekends where I haven’t taken it, and I come back to a very mixed bag of side effects.
Temporally this just doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t understand how I’m getting different side effects each dose. Could something be happening metabolically? Should I just try something else (I know Reddit is not a doctor I just want opinions from people who also have ADHD). Vyvanse isn’t as effective for my ADHD as I had hoped and I really wanted it to work for my BED as well but it just doesn’t seem worth it at this point.
Thanks for the help | ADHD |
I'm delivering alcohol to our store's mobile customers across a large metro area at least 40 hours a week. Half the work is lonely because I'm driving a car alone in a crazy city away from nature, and the other half is uncertain because this is a liquor store filled with laid-back people with a big delivery and in-store volume, and we are all squeezing past each other all day making small talk.
Help! Too many laid back people! And no uptight people like me! Exhausting.
I focus on always having work to do so I don't space out around people, and now I'm seen as an OCD individual constantly paying too much attention to details, and getting frustrated by somewhat minor inconveniences that everyone else deals with.
Oh and the stupid drivers on the road make my blood boil on a daily basis. I see everything on the road, much more than the average driver. I requested to not drive during Friday's rush hour, the worst traffic idiot day of the week. They're trying to work with me. | aspergers |
According to Simon Baron-Cohen’s AQ, finding it hard to create pictures in your mind makes you more autistic. But I can easily create very vivid pictures in my mind; I would wager more so than the average NT. I can picture large swaths of movies or interviews, which helps with my prodigious memory. | aspergers |
I'm 16 years old and have been diagnosed with ocd for a long time but recently (in the past year) I've developed a stress response where I jolt my head- for example if my ocd is triggered or I'm being overstimulated or overwhelmed I jerk my head to the left side. It's not entirely controllable in a similar way that ocd compulsions aren't controllable and also its usually an immediate reaction so i don't have time to think about it. Also thinking about it makes me do it which makes me wonder if I'm faking it??? Does anyone else have anything similar? It's not super incapacitating its embarrassing and sometimes my neck hurts but its like fine
Edit: I'm not looking for a diagnosis at all!! I havent seen my therapist since before coronavirus and I'd like to talk to her but i was just using this as a resource to have some peace of mind and idea what it is before I can see a professional. I don't self diagnose myself, the title was mostly a joke :) | OCD |
There’s a parasite that lives in the back of my head, slightly above the base of my neck where my skull begins to dip and balloon out. It is a parasite no bigger than an egg, amorphous, plasmatic, that feeds upon my spirit and reality. It was passed onto me by my abuser—that is how the parasite finds new hosts after it has so thoroughly affected the spirit of its host that the host no longer provides adequate nourishment. It must escape or die with its host. The pain it inflicts must continue.
It has long tendril-like claws much bigger than the rest of its body, and it holds my mind straight to the outer edges of my eyebrows to the top of my hairline, pricking and prodding me, painfully playing my body and mind like a biological instrument. Its lower claws pierce themselves through the muscles and nerves through my mid-back, and finally latching on under my ribs. The parasite’s claws are pulsing with electricity. It scratches, vibrates, and pulls the strings in my body tightly and erratically. It punctures, pinches, and prods my muscles and my brain. It will not let me ever know peace.
Everyone can see its affects but since the parasite is hiding inside me, no one can actually see the parasite. To the rest of the world, this parasite that feeds upon my body, spirit, and mind a little bit more every day may or may not exist. If I am lucky, I could tell a person about the parasite, and with a stroke of luck, their minds—be it through empathy or creativity—are able to conceptualize and understand my pain. But the parasite is still *always* invisible to everyone except me. And it knows this and uses it to its advantage.
The parasite may attack at random. A random advertisement or unintentional comment may cause it to jerk its claws running through the muscles in my back wildly, or sink its needle-like claws into the fronts of my mind, puncturing me again and again, in and out in and out, over and over, rapidly, distractingly, painfully.
But in my experience the parasite is most horrible when it attacks me intentionally. Dopamine and serotonin are toxic to the parasite, so it cannot let those chemicals enter the mind of its host if it wants to survive and be healthy and strong enough to pass itself on. Thus, at the beginning signs of a swell of such positive emotions, it angrily, aggressively, maliciously ensures I experience its wrath and grabs me, beats me, stabs me, shocks me, stokes me, punctures me, scratches me, bites me, pierces me, rips me, shreds me, chokes me, hurts me. I fight it, but rarely win.
I hate living with this parasite in the back of my head. I fight every day to ensure that, if it never leaves, it at least dies with me. | ptsd |
I feel like we have a deep out look within the retrospective realm. We know what we have and it forces us to subconsciously think back to moments where we were unaware of our aspies. Through out time post-diagnosis, it's like everything makes sense on why we are the way we are and simply knowing, creates vast opportunities of improvement to who we are as human beings.
2 strong perks I have had in being an aspies
\- Intelligent(I also want to take the liberty to speak for everyone there because we are all special in our own way!)
\- Ability to learn a lot and know a lot about a subject or subjects
To add on to the ability to learn pretty well I believe that as aspies we all want to improve socially so having this skill can allow us to think deeply about social interactions and how to be more natural with them in the future.
There are cons to being an aspie but I'm proud of who I am and the perspective I have that NTs don't.
EDIT: To add onto this, I genuinely believe we all have a special gift here. | aspergers |
I’m in a waiting room for a doctor appointment and idk why I don’t feel safe my entire body is tensed up
I have pstd , maybe people scare me and maybe scared I’ll be assaulted again or I’ll get physically hurt. Child abuse survivor here. Trying to breath. Though does anyone feel not safe in situations that are safe. I’m in a safe neighborhood never had an issue here people polite so I feel ridiculous but my body is on ALERT mode | ptsd |
Today I went to the grocery store with two of my friends and on the way I passed my moms ex boyfriend (he used to abuse me for eight years) when I was little he pulled me around by the hair a lot.... so the whole time I was shopping I kept my hand on my head the whole time grasping my bun. I feel like everyone was judging me like I look like a crack addict.... luckily my two friends new what was going on and they tried to comfort me... but the really concerned/judgmental look from everyone was hard..... | ptsd |
Hi , I'm an inbred. My parents are first cousins. Disgusting , I don't know how my parents agreed to this but it happened and now I'm here. My sister knows this too and she doesn't care , she's living her life being happy , but I just can't get it off my head , it has consumed all of my life for the past week or so. I just can't come in terms with it. I don't have any diseases or deformities , I might not have Einstein's IQ but I'm sure that I have the average IQ.
My parents were dumb enough to commit to this marriage but were smart enough to check for any genetical disease that might run through family and the are zero genetical disease in my family. I'm third generation inbred on my mother's side. My mother's grandparents were distant family members because they lived in a small village , they had to marry each other. My mom's parents are first cousins and my parent's are first cousins. But my dad side of things are much more normal. My father's grandparents , all of them married strangers , my father's parent's were strangers , only my dad and one of his brother's married first cousins because my imbecilic grandma thought the girl my dad liked is a slut and she doesn't deserve my dad. And my dad was getting old , he was forty when he married his cousin , my MOM because my grandma said so.
My mom is in her fifties , she has no disease or sickness , my uncle and aunt on my mother's side are all normal. My other cousins which are 3 ( two boys and one girl) are all normal with no genetical disease. My sister is normal and she is getting her degree in architecture. I never struggled in school and with minimal try I easily got good grades. Everything about me is normal. For some reason I don't feel normal , I feel like I should suffer from a lot of mental disorders and a lot of diseases. Literally I should have no worries , I am a normal teenager , I'm normal looking , not religious and never gonna marry my own cousin. But there is this fear that I might contract a genetical disease out of nowhere. There is a genetical disorder called Huntington disease which causes a person's brain to shut down after some years in adulthood . There is no cure for it. luckily, every death in my family were normal. None were caused by a genetical disease. And for the record , English is my second language and I mastered it when I was 12. I could fully speak with a native , keep up , and make interesting arguments when I was 12.
I just hate that I'm an inbred and this is something I didn't choose nor I can change. I can only accept it but I can't even do that. I'm just imprisoning myself in my room and whenever I look at someone , I just get reminded that I'm an inbred. Hell when I look at my dad I ger jealous because whenever I look at my dad , I get JEALOUS because he isn't an inbred.
A week ago I was just living my life like a normal person , but now I'm depressed because I know I'm an inbred despite knowing it for like forever. My parent's did the wrong thing marrying each other and having kids , it sounds suicidal but I won't ever kill myself because of this but it just sucks that I have to live with it. | depression |
I feel constantly ill and in pain, I can't take it anymore. My chest feels like it's about to burst and I want to throw up my guts and it's because of the thoughts rushing through my mind. The thoughts feel like an actual hammer banging on my head and I can feel the fear and audibly hear the bang. I'm ready to end it but I know I cannot do this to my family even though my contact with them is minimal. But I feel like I'm about to completely lose my mind and all control over my body. | depression |
Everytime I am learning something, and I never mastered it despite years of learning it, my mom yells at me and accused me for being lazy.
For example, I have been doing yoga for fifteen years and I still MCC ant master the downward facing dog pose. When I told my mom that I can’t do it because I always feel like I am going to collapse (legs are going to fall down any second), she just yells at me or thinks I talk too much. What should I do? | ptsd |
I literally can’t get their words out of my head. Just because I didn’t want to talk to them and I apologized so many times to her about what I said. Telling her there’s so many people who have it worse than me and you shouldn’t care if I killed myself since we’re basically strangers. I wasn’t trying to manipulate her (like she thinks I was doing), I was trying to push her away & get rid of her. This all happened on tumblr. But what’s so funny is how she abandoned her old blog (probably due to me) because I deleted my blog since I thought she was going to send her mutuals to attack me or something. But yeah, what a fucking bitch! | depression |
A lovely person I met on social media has been messaging me almost everyday in a friendly way, but I think they feel bad if I don't message back at a similar frequency. I've told them I have ADHD and that I'm not the best at communication. I tried my best to text them everyday, but I forgot to message them for about two weeks and I suspect they feel hurt.
Tbh this happens very often with my friendships. I find it ridiculously easy to make friends but terribly difficult to maintain + deepen the friendships. I try to tell them it's me and not them, but I think they still feel hurt and neglected.
I'd like some advice in case you have any ideas how to handle such a situation! | ADHD |
Original thread here:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/q47uib/just\_saw\_a\_psychiatrist\_and\_i\_feel\_defeated/](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/q47uib/just_saw_a_psychiatrist_and_i_feel_defeated/)
Tl;dr from that post - psychiatrist wouldn't treat my ADHD and didn't seem to think adults could really be affected by it.
\------
Update:
Good news! I was referred to a Nurse Practitioner who specializes in ADHD among other things. She took the idea that I have ADHD seriously and didn't think highly of mental health professionals who dismiss adult ADHD.
Basically I was told that have textbook ADHD. There were a lot of things that I had thought were just normal like terrible forgetfulness that stem from it. It was nice to hear that it's not a character flaw, but a struggle that a lot of folks don't have. Sure, everyone forgets stuff, but thankfully for normal folks it's not debilitating.
The other bit of good news is that the NP prescribed meds. I had thought I'd go straight to Adderall, but she prescribed generic Wellbutrin (bupropion). It may not have been what I thought I'd get, but I'm happy that the ADHD is being treated. It feels like what I was given might be working a little bit, but it's early in treatment. Even if it doesn't work for me in the end at least something is being tried. Stimulant meds are next if this doesn't pan out.
My main reason for this follow-up is to give hope to others who may have had problems with their mental health professionals. It's worth it to see a different provider if the current one isn't working out. | ADHD |
It is getting the best of me in a really short time. Please can somebody relate? | OCD |
The thing its that Ive been dealing with pocd for 5 mounths. And even thoughts Ive been doing exposure, watches videos of teraphysts about the topic and even talked with a psycologist, the truth is that Im scared of really start wanting those thoughts.
Sometimes, I dont know if its just an intrusive thought or real. If the feeling that I had was just a groinal response or real. Im scared, I dont want to become a monster.
Somewhere, I read that theres a chance of someone with pocd actually become a p. What if that happens to me? I dont know what to do anymore. | OCD |
I think I got scammed by my previous clinic.
Every appointment I had with them, the payment would be wildly different. 350, 200, 220, 150, 75. I was receiving the same treatment.
Once, I had an appointment with them that was a follow up to see how an upped dose had worked for me. Unfotunately, since I have ADHD lol, I wasn't instantly able to incorporate it into my daily routine, so I told my PA that I met that I hadn't been able to completely stabilize on it for the past month. She then told me, in an annoyed tone, that "all her patients with ADHD take their meds daily so she can assess its effectiveness for them asap". That appointment was assigned a psychotherapy code on my insurance bill and it was $350 out of pocket for me. I received no service even remotely similar to psychotherapy, unless that entails getting guilt tripped by your provider who's treating your mental health condition.
My second time I had ever been to the clinic, I was told that the PA I was supposed to see permanently left the clinic, so I would be seeing somebody different. I waited in the lobby for 45 minutes before asking how much longer I would have to wait. The front desk forgot about me because they had gone on their lunch break. Then I saw a doctor who I'd never seen before, who specifically LIED to me about my meds, saying that there was zero danger in taking it every single day, 7days/week. This clinic was the second place I'd ever gotten my ADHD treated at, so I just initially accepted it, even though my first psychiatrist, who diagnosed me previously, said that I could only take my meds a max 5 days/week.
Now that I'm currently seeing this third clinic, with an awesome group of people and psychiatrists, I've realized that I've been lied to. The second clinic that I went to also pressured me to up my dose, which led to me having much worse side effects than I'd ever had before. I was told that they were normal and that they would go away when I got stabilized on the new dose (they never did).
My new psychiatrist, and everybody I spoke with at the new clinic, as well as my partner and friends who also receive treatment for mental health disorders, are all appalled when I tell them my experiences at this clinic. I called my insurance to ask about the charges, and the very kind lady who answered all my questions for 2 hours came to the conclusion that I should take my explanation of benefits and list of charges from the clinic and go to their billing department to work through every single charge (there were discrepancies between how much insurance was billed and how much I paid, even including charges not billed through insurance).
My current psychiatrist that I'm seeing said that clinics like that one are the reason why there's a new law or something that made it 70% less profitable for psychiatrists to provide services virtually over video, since they can very efficiently hold these appointments and overcharge patients for the services provided (I only had two in person appointments at the previous clinic before the rest of them went virtual). Also, this current clinic is understaffed and the people working there are very kind, genuine people, so I don't think it was weird that the psychiatrist was saying it was unfortunate that video appointments aren't a viable option for them anymore.
Before switching to my current clinic, I didn't know better and thought that it was normal to be charged some random amount of money between $70-$350 every month to get treated for ADHD lol.
If I'm right, it's really messed up that people are taking advantage of others' mental health for profit. It absolutely blows my mind. I really hope this isn't the case, but there are so many things I can't overlook anymore.
Tldr; previous clinic overcharged me for services they never provided me, lied to me about my medication, and in general treated me pretty badly | ADHD |
Hi everyone.
I was very depressed for 10 months, but I decided to quit being depressed by changing my mental thought during last month. Surprisingly, it really helped. I've started working out, eating much healthy food, and taking multi vitamins. I've also stopped vaping weed and I finally start dreaming in my sleep. However, I still have not seek any medical help with my depression so my brain is very numb. But I don't feel like killing myself anymore.
But the worst news is... I might have become misanthrophy.
I just hate people. I hate society and I want the world to turn against me. I can't stop thinking about murdering people.
I hate it when my neighbours have loud sex. It makes me so angry that I grind my teeth too hard. I just want to grab a knife and stab them to death. Sometimes, when I take my dog out for walk, I see little children coming near me to pet my dog. I also want to kill those children. I also want to kill people who hurt other people's feeling. I want to kill criminals. I sound like hypocrite but if I do murder someone, I might as well murder myself since I am a criminal. I think about going to prison time to time. If I was in prison, I will try my best to kill the guard so I can be self confined. And I will continue to be bad so that I can be by myself forever.
Now, keep in mind. This is all just a fantasy. It's all in mind. I would never actually do this. I know what's wrong and what's right. But I don't really care. I know that psychopaths aren't aware of this type of behaviour. But who knows. Maybe I am one of "awakend psychopath" | depression |
Obviously throwaway account, I don't like whining, complaining and pitty partys!! Never have, never will!
However, I'm at a point to face some demons. Demons I have not even thought of for 10-12 years.
Today was my second session of EMDR and I am horrified. I almost feel more comfortable with my combat trauma then feeling again like im loosing control in front of "a stranger".
Im not a Cryer at all, but I cried, I shook uncontrollable, my whole body did. And....I threw up, right there, in the trash can. How much more of a pussy can you be? I thew up in front of a stranger!
I dont even know if I can show up for my next appointment.
For the people on here, that had EMDR before, will this get better?
Did it help you? I hate all that emotional BS! But I guess if it will help...... | ptsd |
I’m struggling with POCD and the thing that scares me the most is finding young girls faces attractive in any way. Even cute causes me to feel anxiety and my thoughts to spiral. How do I stop this? | OCD |
Like brush teeth, keep a tidy room or bathe. I even lack motivation to do university work and sleep during the day. I feel like shit truly. Fuck safe why am i like this? I had it for 2 years and my state is still the same. | depression |
I was diagnosed when I was very young, before we were even given the diagnosis. When I was 5 I went for some surgery to correct a lazy eye, and I guess the doctor noted the behaviour on my file. It wasn't until I was 12 or so that we spoke to a doctor who found that note and told us about it.
Looking around here at everyone talking about how they aren't diagnosed, and a post a few below this one about the questionnaire being weird, I'm starting to think I was lucky to have known since I was super young.
The sh*tty thing is, I didn't take it seriously until just a couple years ago. | aspergers |
The only thing I can do now is accept it and try and use therapy to be ok with it. You see I had a fear, a sexual one, it started last September and it’s been a rollercoaster since. I was afraid of becoming that fear but I was always happy and reassured because I didn’t have anything real to make me believe the thoughts were true. I occasionally had times where I thought they were true but I watched videos from OCD therapist telling me how they’re just in the brain and things like that, I was happy that this was true and there was no future of me becoming this thing. Then when I was laying on the couch in the sitting room two night ago I had a memory from about 4 years ago where I acted on this fear and saw nothing wrong with it, my walls came crashing down, I remember the feeling of liking it and everything, liking something that for a whole year I was trying to convince myself I never did
Suddenly all the advice became useless, “you’re not your thoughts” “you won’t act on these thoughts” “they’re not you” but they were me at some point, there’s no reassurance from this point, what can I really be reassured about? I actually did my fear, this is endgame
I’m just sad. I wish I could stop my younger self, I spent so long believing this wasn’t me but that memory (which is real) has destroyed everything. The only way to move forward now is to find a way to accept this, I’m angry though, I lost from the very start and I didn’t even realise till now. It’s over, I lost this battle | OCD |
I know these are hard times, and since states (and countries) are shutting down again, I know staying alone or with close family 24/7 may be hard for most of us here. So, how are you doing? | ptsd |
He asked me to post this in hopes of finding some help. It's severe (Yes, he was diagnosed) He keeps getting let's say provocative thoughts of his ex. He absolutely hates them. He cries because sometimes he can't get them to stop. He thinks he's always praying to have these thoughts.. I see him suffering.. We've gotten some medicine for him but, it never helped. His OCD has caused such severe anxiety he believes his unwanted thoughts are cheating no matter how hard I try to convince him otherwise. He has trouble believing people (even me) when they tell the truth. He knows theres truth behind it but he can't accept it. He really needs help. It breaks my heart to see him suffer.. | OCD |
I’m curious if anyone has this. As a person with multiple traumas, my nightmares are shifting between different traumas as I began to heal from one of them.
I had 15 surgeries and used to dream about those quite often. Now, it’s something completely related to a whole different trauma that I had. I’ve processed the surgeries more than the other traumas and I think that’s why they’re shifting. | ptsd |
I took a Genetic Test called Genesight and it listed the following medicines to use as directed (highlighted in green) but I don't think any of them are for OCD. Does anyone have experience taking any of these medicines specifically for OCD?
* bupropion (Wellbutrin®)
* desipramine (Norpramin®)
* desvenlafaxine (Pristiq®)
* levomilnacipran (Fetzima®)
* nortriptyline (Pamelor®)
* trazodone (Desyrel®)
* vilazodone (Viibryd®)
* vortioxetine (Trintellix®) | OCD |
I'm hosting a small get-together tonight with my husband, kids, and parents - I'll roast a chicken, heat a ham, sauté green beans, mash potatoes and make gravy, bake rolls, boil down some fresh cranberries and sugar, and whip up some cream to go with an apple pie. Tomorrow, I'm getting up at 5 AM so I can make my famous blueberry coffee cake for my MIL's annual brunch, then of course there's the main meal with my husband's family later in the day.
The thing is, I'm not going to be able to eat much of *anything*. I'm taking half of today and all of tomorrow off of Adderall, but after a month of being on it and not having any appetite, my stomach has shrunk and can handle only small portions of solid food at a time (I make a lot of smoothies with protein powder now). I don't even like sweets anymore.
It's been great for my diet (although I shouldn't lose much more weight), but I do miss enjoying food. I still enjoy making it and sharing it with others, but not eating it.
It eventually gets better, right? | ADHD |
I signed up for the better help app on a whim, I've been tiptoeing around doing therapy for a long time now and decided to make the leap for something like better help, and now I'm worried that it may make my ocd worse if I dont have an ocd specialist? I've also not been diagnosed yet either. Anything helps, thank you everyone. | OCD |
If you look in my post history at r/DamnThatsInteresting, there are hateful reactions from the pictures of "what could've been" if Gabby's and Brian's lives didn't end.
I like looking at alternate timelines and parallel universes. That's why I sent their pictures through an age filter.
I also made a Gabby Petito image as a child after sending hers through a child filter and they hated seeing that too. (How come?)
I didn't expect this vitriol probably because I have some social skills disorders.
Why did they react the way they did? What should I have done different? Wait until the media frenzy had died down? | aspergers |
Does anyone else feel weirdly hungover pretty often? I can’t tell if I’m just so used to checking over how my body feels that this is normal and I’m just overthinking it. I just feel kinda numb and groggy constantly, I only don’t notice it when I’m fully in an obsession (pure o, mostly sensory obsessions so I’m very over aware of how my body feels) I feel like it’s because of my awareness but also the constant adrenaline spikes multiple times throughout the day.
I’m tired of feeling like crap constantly ://
Could also partially be depression | OCD |
I've kept a journal of my thoughts and love life over the years and I feel like should share it
Sometimes i just think to myself why am i like this, like why cant i never do or be anything good to anyone. I try my hardest to be okay but through the days and nights i just get worse and just end up back in the same spot i left off, i could never just do something right and leave it at that it always has to go and get fucked i dont mean for it to happen it just does and i cant help it. im just in the way of eveything everyone else, they have their life going on and im just waisted space that wouldnt really matter if it was here or not but idk. I just think it would of been alot better if i did get aborted like they wouldnt of had trouble with no kid or anything.
I just dont feel like i deserve to be here like yeah i should be greatful for being here but there is alot of way better people that deserve to be here instead of me,i aint doing shit and its just wasting time, i want to be the best boyfriend i could be but i know im not ive always wished i had someone to just hold and make happy but i always fuck it up no matter what happens. I just sit here and cry and cry bc i dont want it to happen but it does im just not meant to have that love i guess,this girl maria is just so amazing she makes me feel okay but i just cause her pain and she needs nothing but happiness and love but im just a cold hearted fuck up idk why she picked me, i really aint nothing there are so many better people out there than me,i just want the best there ever is for her and its clear that im not that😔.... if someone ever reads this im sorry for everything in life,i tried to be okay but idk😔i always made it seem i was always happy to keep people from worrying and im glad people can remember that of me but every story must have an ending and well ill reach mine pretty soon i guess,i love all of you Aug,4,2019
Sept,30,2019 i never make things better its just a thing ive always done, I mean to a certain point it just feels numb like and i just want to end it. I really love this girl,shes the best person ive ever met in my life she brings so much happiness into my life its unexplainable but everything i do makes her upset i always find a way to fuck everything up and thats how its always been. I dont want to die i mean this place is kinda cool but its just the way i am sucks, i try to give the best advice i can to help people and it helps but it never helps me and i could never help myself. Itlle be okay ,everything will be okay; a saying i always say to myself i try to convince myself itll be okay but it never is,i know it isnt and i just live with it. I wake up in the morning and just think fuck man like i could not wake up and itll be the same but once i get the good morning text from her it makes it better but as the day goes on i just find ways to fuck up and it just fucks up the whole night then i dream about just me not being here and how better it would be for everyone. idk man thats all i got for this time
Oct,14,2019 i....i dont know...i can never be a good person to anyone😔,when i was younger i wish for someone just to hold and make feel so special in the world but now i just cant do it,im just too much of a fuck up to be anything good. I just dont feel anything right now so yeah there another goodbye wrighting in one of my art books so if you find that then thats cool too,i think im done wrighting stuff,its just not me
Nov,6,2019 i want to fucking die. I want it to happen, for all of this to fucking end every single thing just fucking end. I dont want to see the sunraise and the sun set. Im not worth it none of this should of never been.
June,12,2020 I tried to make my life okay,but I've just come to the realization that itll never be okay with in me,no matter who I have,I have the most beautiful and amazing person in my life right now and I cant seem to make it be okay,I try day in and day out to make things okay for us but like I've said before many many times im juat the never ending problem,I don't want to be the problem you know? But its just how it is,I don't think ill ever keep anyone happy enough to keep them for the rest of my life,i want her to be the one I lay my head to rest for the last time but I know she's get tired of it. I wouldn't blame her because I know its not easy to be with me,shit I mean I don't even want to be with me and I'm the same person. I haven't written anything in a while because I was trying to be okay in life but I can see its just all coming back,I lay here at night fighting myself to sleep while not wanting to wake up the next morning,going through the day is if I'm just watching it blow right by my eyes,im just tired of myself and who I am,I just love this girl so fucking much man like fuck,anything good in my life always goes to shit bc of how much of a fuck up I am.i just want it to end i want to stop hurting people thats matter to me and if that mean for me to be gone then I'll do whatever it takes.
Oct,4,2021 life has sent me in a different path in which I think is the right one, I lost her and its for good. It never ended... hurting the people I love never ended and its going to stick with me for the rest of my life, I try to find my own happiness within people I love put my own happiness will never be filled it only drains the happiness of the other person, they are always the best when they are with me but its never the best for me,I don't think I can truly make someone happy. I'm only here to build them and make them the best they can be and for me? It's always the same. I make myself think that I'm happy and that I'm okay but I'm really not, ive never been really okay
Dec,7,2021 I've come to the conclusion that I'm really only here to help other people, I find someone that I think I love and build them as much as I can and make them the best person they can be and in the end I just stay the same nothing gained from it just more of my mentality is gone. Idk anymore and it sucks, I just want to be happy.... | depression |
A huge part of my ocd is that I (14F) have this thing where they get obsessed with a certain sensation and need to repeat it constantly. It could be anything, like tapping a desk constantly to get the same feeling of my finger hitting the desk. What I’ve recently been doing at school is that I’vd been unclenching and then clenching my hand (open and close open and close) constantly for three periods of school today. I couldn’t even keep my hand open because I needed to feel my hand closed to be satisfied. It was so hard to do my class work and type on my laptop, since I couldn’t stop thinking about it even though it sounds stupid when I realize what I was doing. I get this with other things like clenching my teeth in specific patterns and tapping my desk to rhythms. I feel so embarrassed whenever someone catches me. Anyway, that felt good to get out of my system, I’ve been thinking about it all day. | OCD |
I have just started counselling for PTSD, and one of the most surprising things I learned was that it doesn’t have to be one event to cause PTSD, but exposure to a series of traumatic events which, left unchecked, can be the cause. I think this has been the case for me, I was a Police Officer for nearly 20 years and was exposed to numerous events such as murders, suicides, fatal road crashes and horrific sexual offences. It was always the way that we would just “deal with it”, and never fully acknowledge our own mental health, which in my case has deteriorated over the last year (of course Covid hasn’t helped, it has given me more time to dwell on things). Thankfully I have started a series of talking therapies, with which I can already feel the benefits and helping me to properly understand my condition and process triggers and flashbacks better. You are not alone folks, sending love | ptsd |
Ontario was supposed to be on a path to lifting restrictions, but Omicron ruined those plans and more restrictions are being put in place.
I have paid my dues. I've been fully vaccinated, and I have also masked and distanced where possible. However, a line needs to be drawn in the sand somewhere, and I cannot take the pandemic or its restrictions anymore.
Omicron has confirmed to me in my mind that this pandemic will never end, so I give up.
I would rather die than go through another lockdown, let alone another year of this hell. | depression |
I have much improved at avoiding meltdowns in the first place, but when I do have one, I am not good at managing it at all. I used to hit others(or at least tried to), but have thankfully broken that habit. But it's still not great. I lash out at objects and punch myself on the head. Then I usually cry because it happened again. Last week I broke a pole we were using for PE over something stupid, I just messed up badly in the game we were playing. I had been dealing with stress that whole week from noise and pressure to study for exams. So I walked over and broke the pole off my knee, and was told to go back inside.On the way in I punch myself on the top of my head. How can I stop doing this and cope better, because I always feel terrible after. Also sorry for rambling, I know the layout of thsi post doesn't make much sense sorry. | aspergers |
I’m been getting these random images flashing in front of my eyes and I don’t understand what the images are??? It’s super scary! I have a fear of going crazy is this one of them psydo symptoms ?? | OCD |
I move a lot because I live in an RV, so I’m having a hard time figuring out who to talk to or how to search this to find what I need. Does anyone have any resources that were helpful to them? | ptsd |
does anyone worry they’ll start wanting their intrusive thoughts | OCD |
I Have had a video game addiction or at least that's what I think and I feel like it is not good for my mental health as I have been depressed for a while now. I am currently writing exams and I feel like video games and my depression is getting in the way of that. I have been in this constant daily cycle of looking forward to playing video games because I feel like it will make me feel better and every day I enjoy it less and less and I feel like my brain has been conditioned to playing so much and it genuinely feels like an addiction. I constantly and endlessly scroll through steam trying to buy happiness through games and it obviously doesn't work. the only thing that makes me feel anything is music and I am scared that one day I will feel this way about music. I feel like video games will make me feel better and they never ever do what should I do?
BTW: I play league of legends mostly (i know I know) | depression |
I struggle to see myself anywhere in the future. I honestly just imagind dead by suicide. I don't have any plans or asperations and am struggling through colleg. | depression |
I just turned 22 today, and I feel like my life's wasting away in front of me. Every goal I set doesn't get met. Every day is the same. I wake up the same person everyday, no change no progress. I feel like I'm going to stay this way my entire life, like I'm going to die this way. I don't know if I can take another 50 years of this, I just want to fade away. I don't want to feel anything anymore. | depression |
It’s the worst thing. Literally feels like I’m in a prison. | depression |
Hello,
It’s been years that I have diagnosed OCD but I never found how to stop having theses intrusive thoughts. I’m always thinking about the worst scenarios and about everything, in a pessimistic way. You know what I mean and I’m not good to explain.
I have some compulsions but the worst are my thoughts. I can’t think properly or concentrate on something. And I’m always checking my phone (every minutes) to see if my bf responded even if I know that he’s never on his phone.
Do you guys have ideas, idk things to stop thinking 24/7 ? Because this a a real pain to not be able to concentrate, do things for myself …
Thanks :) | OCD |
Every day I find a new disease to be worried about and I convince myself that I have enough symptoms to be worried about it. I visit doctors, make studies and I always receive the same answer: that my symptoms are psychological and that I'm okay.
I have visited doctors multiple times, I wasted a lot of money, I'M TIRED OF THIS.
THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOOOO HARD, I don't get people to understand how difficult is to be convinced all the time that I must go to a doctor every single day. They think I'm crazy.
Therapy helps but no that much, I'm considering changing my therapist. I HATE MY LIFE. | OCD |
For context I am 21 and currently struggle to concentrate in class, the classes are for my future job, the stuff we do was interesting to me when it was new for me (already did alot of it in school, multiple times) but now I struggle to keep up my attention, forcing myself to keep it up drains alot of energy, like alot, people are often confused why I am that drained out when I tell them that this is all easy stuff I already did years ago and still memorize it almost always perfectly. Furthermore if anything interests me enough I learn it super fast or I work through it super fast, but if it doesn't tickle my interest it's always like there is a wall that stops information from entering my head.
When I drift away/am bored I always need to do smth like clicking with a pen, tipping with my feet on the ground and just drifting away in my head completely losing my ability to remember things I still perceive.
Otherwise, my sister has adhd, is diagnosed and on medication same for 3 of my cousins. My sister and I suspect that our parents may also have adhd but tbh it's just a theory, I don't know if adhd is influenced by genetics and if it is how it functions, but if there is a genetic component I am pretty sure that atleast one of my parents has it and that it's certainly possible that I got it too.
I am already in therapy for other reasons and wanted to ask my therapist next appointment if we could talk about it, but a friend of mine who is also there said that she doesn't know much about neurological things so my hopes are quiet low that this leads to anything, so I wanted to ask here about things I could do with my suspicion, in case it matters I live in Germany. | ADHD |
Today I feel tired of being, simply being ... Does it happen to you too? | depression |
I figured I’d ask you guys since this is really about “executive functioning” and “being an independent adult” (whatever that means).
I need to find a primary care doctor, but how do I find one? I guess what I’m asking is aside from the physical “just google doctors near you, call them” etc. how do I know if a doctor is good? I can’t just go in alphabetical order and pick one, can I? Is that smart? What should I look for?
Thanks, I hope you all get why I posted this here. | aspergers |
When I take my medication, I'm compelled to do something. It doesn't have to productive or useful, but I have to do something that isn't just laying in bed or watching TV non stop. I usually end up cleaning or doing school work, because I feel like I have to be productive, but I'll also do things like spend hours researching useless information or crocheting or learning a new hobby or mindlessly online shopping without buying anything.
Some days, I just don't want to do anything. I want to do absolutely nothing. So I won't take my medication so I know I will not have a single desire to do anything. I only take it when I either absolutely need to do anything (like go to class) or if I feel like doing things that day, like today I wanted to make sure my laundry was done and I wanted to rearrange my room so I took it. I'm now stuck on Reddit, but I'll probably get to the laundry soon.
I just wanted to see if anyone else feels this way about taking their medication. I'm a little worried about dependency, because it feels like I have to take it if I want to do things. If I don't take it, I don't do things. I only do things if I've already taken it or can take a dose without screwing my sleep for the night. I guess I want input on if this is normal or if I should work on doing things without the medication so I don't become dependent on it. | ADHD |
I’m not sure if this is a rant or whatever, but basically this school year has been impossible and I’ve been failing everything except for english, and whenever I’d tell my psychiatrist, a counselor, my parents, etc, I’d be told to just “try to work harder” today I failed an english test and this was the last straw for me. I don’t know what to do and how to overcome this because I simply cannot repeat a grade. meds aren’t an option because my psychiatrist has no idea how to deal with people with ADHD and she told me to just sleep more and I’ll be okay. I also can’t get a new psychiatrist because this is the one my insurance covers and my family doesn’t have enough money to pay for one, or they just don’t want to. I don’t know what to do and I’m freaking out completely | ADHD |
Backstory... My husband hit me and beat the shit out of me recently. I know he didn't mean to do it but those memories are still scary.
Recently, we were watching the movie Tenet - and there was a scene where the husband beat the shit out of his wife. I just started feeling really uneasy and felt nauseous and started to breathe really loud.
Then I just froze and it was like I was back to the situation where my husband beat the shit out of me. It's like I'm aware of what's going on but physiologically I was back there. I couldn't breathe and my heart was racing.
My question is I don't want to be triggered everytime I watch something. I don't even know if you'd classify this as a flashback or a triggering event. I guess I'm just asking you guys and maybe could explain to me what was happening. I came home and I was like "maybe I was just overreacting and maybe it was just all in my head" | ptsd |
I want to try doing self one, therapy is a last resort. I have an extreme obsession that is causing me to lose all my friends and ignore everyone, even if I don’t know them, or constantly have panic attacks, it’s very bad and I need to stop it or I won’t be able to live a happy life. How does self ERP work and is it dangerous? | OCD |
I don’t really know how to start this, I just have a constant feeling of loneliness and the feeling of no matter what I do it’s somehow wrong. Im not suicidal but I do have those thoughts. I’m extremely touch starved, all I want is someone that I can hold and talk to | depression |
I was having a good day and was excited to go out today..
then (someone) threatened to hurt me and yelled at me even and now I can't stop crying... I'm not sure why this always happens... something small triggers everything else... I just want to be around my friends right now but they're all busy and I can't stop thinking about everything that ever hurt me and it all just keeps coming back every single word that was used to make me feel like shit...it really feels like every thought is going a million miles through my head right now... I both hate myself and the people that made me the way I am.... I want to bash my head into the wall.. and i can't stop thinking about how much i hate the person that made me think that's a good way to deal with emotional pain
why is it that somehow I still can't find a good way to make the thoughts stop...
I really just want to forget about it and feel better but the two people that could always make me feel better.. have their own lives and I don't want to annoy them...
| ptsd |
I keep checking on him to see if he's still alive, and I woke him up like five times now because I thought his heart stopped, so I probably won't be able to sleep, I don't want to have to give up on him! What to do? | OCD |
I'm in grad school and this year started adderall for my combined type ADHD. I'm in one class that I was performing super well in, and another that I was on the verge of failing. The class that I was doing well in had a take-home final, so I guess when I completed it in 2 hours (without adderall) I assumed I would get an A like my other assignments. I rushed through it so that I could focus on studying for the class I was failing. Well, turns out I failed the final in the class I wasn't worried about, and passed the one in the class I was worried about. My grade dropped several points (now a 90%), but my professor emailed me saying how disappointed and shocked she was by my exam, and how she knew I could do better. Even though my grade will be fine, I can't help but feel extremely disappointed in myself and like a failure. Whenever I perform poorly on an assignment, it's crushing and I want to drop out of grad school. I know this is unreasonable and likely due to my ADHD, but I was just wondering if anyone else feels this way, too.
TL;DR: failed a final exam, professor is disappointed in me, I feel horrible | ADHD |
i have no job no job references thought maybe moving to another state to start anew would be best but idk. imnot sure what my path is or what to do i feel im wasting life away and am a failure. i got no one in life to help me | depression |
Not too sure where to post this but this is one of the main communities I’m familiar with.
TL;DR at bottom
There’s too much going on and it’s really taking a toll on me.
I’ve had a lot of personal issues and events happen over the past few years and in addition I’ve got ADHD, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, and chances are a tic disorder and depression. I never fully got proper therapy for my PTSD because when I was younger I was never willing to admit I needed help and I wouldn’t open up and as a result I’ve struggled a lot mentally over the past 3 years.
Now with all that, especially the ADHD and PTSD, already causing me to have issues in general it makes it so stressful to get anything done and then I’ve gone through a few depressive episodes and I’m in one right now and as of now I’m in high school, driving school, and I’m starting a job soon and usually that alone wouldn’t be too bad but it’s just too much for me to deal with because of everything that’s going on, and some of the reason to why I’m struggling so hard is not just because of my disorders but my brother, pretty much the only person I have a close relationship with and the only person I feel actually gives half a damn about me, just told me yesterday night he’s moving out within the next month. And as of last year I’ve developed tics which makes me afraid I won’t be able to drive or get the job I’m looking into, my father is struggling with maintaining his health, I can’t see my therapist even if I wanted to as our insurance doesn’t cover her, I don’t have any support structure in my personal life I can go to as I’m too uncomfortable to go to my parents because with the few times I ever did I was casually disregarded so I don’t even try anymore, I’ve lost 40lbs in the past year because I’ve stopped eating almost entirely, I’m under constant stress, and at 15 it’s just too much for me to deal with.
I was fine for a while but flash back starting about a few months ago I’m once again starting to fade back into a state where I’m bed bound 13 hours a day because I constantly feel tired/exhausted and I have no interests or hobbies except maybe one game and some YouTube videos. I just have no pleasure in doing anything anymore. It’s either I’m doing homework or I’m laying in bed.
I feel like no matter what I’m always dealing with my mental health and dealing with new events. And I try to act is if nothing’s happening, I’ll brush off my emotions, I’ll convince myself I’m fine, but I know I’m not and I need to be honest about it for once.
My mental state isn’t good and I constantly feel like I’m in a state of having my brain and eyes fogged like I don’t feel normal. Everything is just so messy and out of place, it doesn’t feel right.
I’m really struggling.
TL;DR -
I’m struggling mentally because I wasn’t counseled fully to help manage my disorders and I’m constantly being racked up with more and more stress and nothings getting better, only worse. And with my disorders it amplifies my stress and as a result I’m not doing okay again and I need someone to talk to but I don’t have anyone in my personal life so now I’m asking for help here. | ADHD |
I recently started in person classes and with my OCD I keep having issues with noticing people and then confessing to my partner. Well this one guy I noticed asked if he could be my study partner and it’s bothering me cause I’m worried about getting a close friendship with a guy and overthinking it and making it weird and etc. I also am not good at having guy friends since In the past they all liked me and flirted etc. I’m just worried cause I need a partner in this class and the dude seems cool but suddenly my brain is like ooooooo but I’m in a happy healthy relationship. | OCD |
I have this thing that when I am going to eat I like to watch something. Yet my husband is a talker. So we will be getting ready to watch something, usually Jeopardy. I’ll have my meal waiting for me to dig in, and then a 15 minute conversation ensues. I can’t eat until the show is playing. I don’t want to ask him not to talk because normally he is very introverted and I’m the only person he really enjoys talking to. I wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings.
Another thing is that when we are watching said program, if something is mentioned that reminds him of something, he pauses it and we go on a tangent that can last anywhere from 2 minutes to a half hour. And my food gets cold as I wait for the talking to wind down.
I hope I’m not the asshole. It’s just very jarring for me, the delayed start and then the stopping/starting.
I’m not asking for advice here, just saying it bugs me. I can live with it. But I want to know what other ADHD pet peeves are out there? | ADHD |
While I’ve done great things with this mentality, as time has passed and the inevitable failures added up, it really started to impede on my confidence. Now it’s mostly nothing aside from the lingering habits that remain like my gym schedule.
I’m just so frustrated guys
I’ve never been able to follow a schedule which I think is the core of why I can’t seem to set/reach my goals but it’s just so terribly hard because I immediately overwhelm myself. I realize I’m underutilizing my skills, want to change and do all I can. Then I buy journals, new digital calendars, more and more things to help me build the life I want. Then it’s like I vomit all over it with all the ideas I have. Maybe if I’m super motivated I’ll keep to it for a week but then I pull away and eventually forget. I’m so tired of starting over again. | ADHD |
I remembered a lot of horrible stuff I did in my childhood, eventually I was going to turn into a monster, Im planning to commit suicide, I just accepted that I’m a sexual deviant, it’s fine, ending it doesn’t sound so bad after all, goodbye mom, goodbye dad, bye little brother who i used to love so much, it’s the only way to end this suffering, this horrible sensation, im turning into a pedophile and i must stop it, not with therapy, not with pills, just ending it all… bye everyone | OCD |
Hi, I have the suspicion to suffer from ADHD but though my doctor first told me that I showed strong symptoms after an intensive interview, he refused to make a diagnosis after conducting the d2 test on me, in which I did very well according to him.
I don't know if I was just able in the past compensate my problems, since I successfully obtained a masters degree in mathematics. Now in grad school my problems with self organization, prioritization of focus, careless mistakes and memory problems seem to have a higher cost than ever before. I feel like I could achieve much more if there weren't all these little things, like forgetting what I already did before. And also, I feel overwhelmed by all the emails coming in about conferences and seminars I should probably attend. In the beginning of each lecture period I am always cluttering my timetable with whatever looks interesting and I enjoy the stress, and then few weeks later, when I realize it's way too much, I am hardly able to drop anything.
But what bothers me most is the feeling that everything (in particular positive) I experience only persists for the very moment. When I arrange a date with a girl (what I rarely do, maybe due to lack of motivation), I loose interest shortly after I succeeded. When I have a good time with some friends, I rarely show any initiative to repeat this. I don't know, maybe I feel paralyzed by so much analyzing and random thoughts such that I am not aware of my feelings anymore.
Also, I rarely plan for the future, e.g. planning meeting and events with friends, or vacation. Instead, I suddenly realize that I am bored and try to arrange a meeting ad hoc, which often does not work. I am only going food shopping if I get home early enough, have no further appointments and if I am hungry simultaneously. In the afternoon I often completely ignore signs of hunger, just to binge eat when I come home late. On the weekends I feel much worse than during the week, often sluggish and foggy and bored.
Recently I went to a party and a colleague there insisted that I should try speed, which I did. The effect for me was totally opposite to what I expected (and to everyone else's reaction). I felt quite tired, but without the urge of sitting down, and totally calm. It was a type of calmness I never experienced before. Could this be an indicator for the disorder? Falling asleep always feels completely different than this as I am usually reading or watching things on the internet until it is way too late again and I am completely exhausted.
Do these things sound familiar to you? Do you have any any suggestions or advice?
tl;dr Is a set of symptoms without poor outcome in a concentration test related with ADHD? | ADHD |
My life is such a shit show. There is nothing I care about more than when 7pm rolls around so I can start drinking. It's all I live for at this point.
I'm thinking a lot more about suicide these days, especially in the mornings when I first wake up.
I'm living my worst fear, I've turned into my father. But at least I'm not a dumb, racist, sexist, violent piece of shit, so there's that. But I'm completely alone, depressed, an alcoholic, and struggle socially and mentally. I'm not sure if there is hope for me.
I've attempted alcohol counseling, general counseling, been in psyche wards, ect, but the mental health system here is a nightmare and is of no help. They only seem to make things worse. I've lost all hope in them.
It truly seems like no one gives a shit about me.
I wonder what my fate will be. | depression |
For those of you who have been able to drastically reduce your fixating and recurring thoughts, what medication and/or supplement did you take?
My mind fixates on certain thoughts non-stop and I'm hopeful there is something out there that will help.
I started 5 mg of Lexapro on Wednesday and also started taking NAC, which has worked wonders, but the downside is I have stomach pain taking two or more 500 mg capsules of NAC. | OCD |
I just had a conversation with my mother about my condition and the consequences for my future, including socializing and finding jobs.
I also confessed my condition to my lecturer, but he didn't seem to understand my condition.
Both of these made me feel more difficult to face the future.
I don't know what else to say because it just hurts. They want me to be "normal" according to them, but it's difficult.
I know that not everyone will understand about my mental problem, but getting stuck alone in my mind like this just hurts.
So, what's the answer of the question, if there is the answer at all? | aspergers |
So last Monday was my birthday I turned 27 and that day I received a lot of birthday wishes it overwhelmed me so much that I haven’t checked my texts since then ( I even went on vacation and had lots of panic attacks & feelings of worthlessness due to how I looked in my bikini which made me wanna hide more ) and now I’m scared cause I feel like a asshole and if I explain that that I was overwhelmed and depressed that they wouldn’t believe me I was talking to a lot of guys before my birthday who probably wonder wtf happened to me but honestly I feel worthless I’m 27 still live with my parents, no job , trying to get disability( for my ptsd, bipolar & panic disorder) & I’ve been celibate for 2 years so I feel like I will be shitty in bed anyways I’m just so scared of rejection that I isolate myself & don’t even respond to men that were interested in me can someone help me feel like less of an asshole for ignoring/ avoiding responding to people for a week ?? | ptsd |
Hello!
I am going through a 2-month-old break-up currently. My now-ex decided to put a break into the relationship 2 months prior the break-up (I wasn't supposed to write her at all during that time), making it a total of 4 months of pure pain for me: my brain was and currently is dealing with heavy OCD-influenced intrusive thoughts. Every memory, every single thing reminds me of her, causing physical pain and accelerated heartbeat every time.
My brain spins into a spiral of "What ifs", false alternative timeline visions, and - most dominantly at this moment - **retroactive jealousy**, as my ex-partner has had affairs with people she hasn't commited to a serious relationship with.
I have been browsing the respective 'RetroactiveJealousy' subreddit and stumbled across the YouTuber **Mark Freeman**. Ever since then, here is how I am now dealing with intrusive thoughts and compulsions so far:
​
>Whenever a thought or painful memory about my ex and the related compulsion to keep spinning the wheel pops up, I pause every current activity, close my eyes and try to sort of meditate/to be mindful of my surrounding. I am not paying attention to my brain stuff and try to not give in into rumination.
>
>I try to let the anxiety pass.
​
However, I am not certain if that is the "right" way, because whenever I do that small meditation thing to cope with the anxiety, I don't actually *feel* the anxiety flowing through my body. When I do the act of mindfulness, I get the feeling that I actually *forget* about the anxiety through meditation rather than to *confront* the anxiety and be at ease with it.
That mindfulness feels like another compulsive distraction rather than something to embrace the anxiety coming with these intrusive thoughts. Is that the case with you aswell? Is this the "correct" way to deal with it? | OCD |
Is it something i should discuss with my therapist ? | OCD |
Hi everyone, I’ve been on vyvanse for the past maybe 5 months. The comedown was far too much for me after tweaking the dosage quite a few times. Yesterday my dr switched me to adderall XR 10mg.
And I have felt like complete shit. Headaches, extreme nausea that won’t go away, tried to have cracker but other than that just feel genuinely terrible. Is this normal and I’m just going to get used to it in a while? Or is this a warning sign? | ADHD |
I had a really bad thought while trying to expose myself to my trigger.
I was watching an anime scene with young girls - nothing weird but its a huge trigger to me and I felt "attractiom"
I was trying to face my fears but I saw a comment that was "pedophilic" (they said "oh they gave me a nose bleed") and for some reason my first thought was relief. I thought "maybe normal people feel like this too and it's ok" but then I thought "no!! This isn't normal! I shouldn't feel like this!! This is wrong! What was I thinking! I'm disgusting"
I should kill myself and be done with it.
Maybe I was trying to normalize my feelings so I wouldn't suffer as much but I always end up regretting it.
I keep doing this! I keep trying to normalize what I feel and that 'this is normal" but then I realize that it's wrong and I don't want to do that!
Please help.. | OCD |
i’m 14 year old female and recently, i’ve been feeling i have TOCD. with all of the anxiety and doubts in my head, is it normal for TOCD to feel that i’m non binary? i’ve been having anxiety over my gender identity if i’m really a girl or if i’m non binary. i’m not a very girly girl compared to others that’s why i’m freaking out that i might be non binary then. now, all i feel like is i’m non binary and whenever i tell myself that i’m female, i don’t feel like one anymore. i feel like i’m faking acting like a girl because i can’t accept myself as non binary. it just makes me feel more in denial of myself. is it normal for TOCD or am i really non binary? i’m not even diagnosed with OCD but i feel a few months ago, i think i had HOCD (which was worse). i don’t want to think that i’m genuinely questioning my identity because i don’t want to discover myself as a different identity. i also can’t dismiss my thoughts because it’s hard for me to let go of it especially if i didn’t “solve” it yet. i just really don’t know who i am anymore. i feel like i’m a nobody anymore. is this normal for TOCD? pls give me your insights. thank you! | OCD |
So I’ve started collecting manga. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do. We previously only had one book shelf in the house that had one empty row. So I got us a New book shelf. I put it up and got to organizing.
Now the kicker is that my partner and I had talked about moving things over to the new shelf to make room for my new stuff. In my head, it translated to “anything that wasn’t manga goes on the new shelf. Obviously”
So while they are at the gym, I pain stakingly move every textbook, board game, trinket, etc. to the new shelf. I’m so proud of how nice I made it look! So I sent a picture to them. And they called me and say “why would you do that!” And I’m just confused.
Turned out the logical thing was to put just my very few manga into the empty shelves instead of spending an hour moving everything else over. And I didn’t get that memo because I wasn’t given clear instructions that no I wasn’t supposed to move EVERYTHING just because we talked about moving a few other books to free up some space.
So I then moved everything back. Because if what I did wasn’t what I was supposed to do, I wanted to fix it. And when my partner got home, they just started laughing in disbelief because I had MOVED EVERYTHING AGAIN and made more work for myself because I thought that’s what they wanted. But no I could have left everything on that shelf.
I spent the rest of the day crying and wishing I was more competent of implied information. This thinking holds me back and makes everyone I know think I’m an absolute dunce who doesn’t understand “street smarts” and is only book intelligent and I’m struggling. I hate needing people to be thorough with instructions or what they expect of me.. | aspergers |
A couple of days ago there was a post here about someone asking if everyone felt adult in most things but still a child in others. That post made me think if there are some situations that are harder to understand than others in terms of social situations, specially as adults. For me, personally there are two things: Love and romance understood as everything in a relationship and the high interest neurotypicals have on sex for their romantic or even at their life. In the first part, I've never understood why people jump from relationship to the other while still claiming serious stuff like they are the love of their life and all those cheesy love words and also why so many people rush to be with their partners in just a short time span. On the second one I've never understood why people care so much about sex as such an important activity that they leave families just for that or end relationships for the lack of good and bad sex. How the hell one can be good or bad in something that is mostly penetration? Then on the other hand, I've never got why people then add kinks and a variety of sexual positions and think more on it than anything else of their relationships.
What are other things you can't understand about social situations? | aspergers |
I have felt like I have needed help for a long time but today was the first time I have been confused about my own reality. I was sitting in my living room in my apartment watching TV and i heard screaming, not normal yelling but desperate screaming, then I heard crying for help then I heard a loud voice scream "I'll kill you". I knocked on the door and stood aside it in case the owner had a gun, and watched intently to see what the house owner did, I watched the peephole become dark then light again so I knew someone was at the door. He said everything was okay and his whole family cams out and said everything was okay. Normally I would say it was a misunderstanding, as it was embarrassing. But TBH, I was both physically, emotionally, and verbally abused as a child. For as long as I can remember as a child which isn't long, 3-5 years or so. I was beaten with firewood/belts, tied up with duck tape, told to be quiet or I would be killed, and locked in a dark closet with my mother knowing I had a deep fear of the dark. Then i forgave my mother and at around age 48-50 she developed early alset alzheimer's/dementia she went absolutely nuts and it truamatized me for life since I was the only one there to take care of her. I joined the marine corps at age 17 but got kicked out after 2 years because according to them I was a peice of shit. Iykyk a shitbag as you would say. I have no job but I am determined to be successful. But my long-term addiction to both drugs and alcohol is going to kill me, I know it. I want to seek help through real truama therapy but here is no help due to the coronavirus/covid 19 bullshit. I realy don't know what to do anymore. And if anyone has experienced anything similar. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. | ptsd |
I'm not sure if it is anyway related to ADHD. I'm not diagosned. Fairly new here and just asking around like in my last post.
Do you also kinda have these random moments where you feel super motivated and super creative?
For me it kinda always happens when I'm for example at work, and as soon as I get home I don't feel it anymore. So it‘s always kinda gone when I actually could get a use from it.
Or at night when I need to go to sleep, but I've read that ADHD people have all crazy ideas when they try to fall asleep. | ADHD |
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