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It'd taken me 28 years to finally live in some semblance of peace. A painful road of which I really am trying to articulate into teachings others can use as to not veer down the same path I had. Going from questioning everything about my differences to finally loving them and not having a care in the world. A lot about what I'd learned over the years was due to my circumstances and aspirations that led me on such a road. I wasn't planning on being born into a lost world, it was against my will. Where life is made up of mostly pain and rare fleeting moments of pure and utter joy. They real joyous moments never occurred until the ending of my internal struggles set in motion at the prospect of death given the near-death experience card I play too often or not often enough.
Firstly, it was like I was only programmed to find something I loved and to understand it to its core or to the best of my ability. Where aviation and all the complex intricacies of it astounded me. Spending time avoiding school work to watch old nasa videos of supersonic wind tunnel tests. I had to make do with what I'd been given at birth which wasn't really conducive to personal growth. On top of it, being diagnosed at 7 was strange as I'd felt odd having some illusory word describe my state of being as something that made me flawed. "Mom, did you drop me on the head without telling me?" In hindsight, looking back at what the diagnosis did, it'd done nothing to help my inception into society. Coupled with life's illusory responsibilities that were utterly frightening, it's no wonder they don't teach that in school. (Send them off blind and they'll be your workers!)
What the diagnosis noticeably did was changed my social environment while also changing how I saw myself in the world. I chose to ignore my social short comings by immersing myself in the study that blew my hair back. Finding low wage jobs at airports I enjoyed to a rather obsessive extent but life quickly hammered that joy right out of me. The worst part I'd noticed about workplaces and their ethics as far as how they treated workers were concerned was my inability to speak up when something felt wrong or off. When I decided to remain silent is when hell would slowly take hold. It wasn't just me, it'd be the collective of employees that'd voice a disdain about the efficacy of certain practices but never would they take the power into their own hands. I am referring to the rather inhumane 16 hour overtime shifts that'd be given at moments notice the day of. Surprised I lasted through that for 2 solid years. I guess when you love something to death, you let it kill you.
School was a nightmare as I tried college but doing both full time work, school and time to get my head straight wasn't so easily managed. That was the beginning of depression for me. When I quit I was thinking, "great, now what". The prospect of being a factory worker the rest of my life was out of the question. Three jobs doing that can attest to my disdain for that type of work on barely enough pay to afford a cave. I longed for some inner peace often holding idealized notions of reality to set my sights towards that'd often get tarnished the moment I set the aspiration in place. Things in my life really didn't start to change until I moved back home. It was when I'd slowly eased my way into a social group that quickly appreciated my company as I'd perceived it then.
From experiencing a first date to having my first kiss, I no longer judged myself for waiting so long for something so simple because that first kiss felt like something straight out of a movie. After all the suffering life had put me through, her lips gave me new life like a kind of spiritual resuscitation. Then the unexplainable occurred. Weeks before my accident I remember being at a friends house being my quiet self. Someone I'd known just blurts out of nowhere. "Dude, why don't you do what you love? "You love helicopters, so why aren't you flying them". My simple answer could've been because I'd been dirt poor since birth but I guess circumstances mean nothing in pursuit of dreams. Then on a moment while riding my motorcycle, I quickly noticed my love of the ignorance it afforded me was slowly wearing away to which all I saw was my past and all that I'd loved but had to let go of.
There's really nothing to say about the near-death except for what it did to my thoughts. I started contemplating the prospect of death and the value of life. Only a month later I started voicing my thoughts as sternly as I could only to receive facial expressions that showed denial. The next morning that followed, my life would never be the same again. The cords were cut, I no longer felt the pain of mental suffering as I'd slowly proven that the eggshell could be broken. Only this day was the first day of birth for me. In the months that followed I'd lost all trust of anyone I'd ever met and I'd found my voice, purpose and meaning to life. All at the bottom where it was meant to be discovered.
Just imagine if you will being ridden with pain for 27 years then, like a flash, it's all gone. You can simply look at a night sky and smirk in it's vast beauty like you're looking at your own mind. A universe in its own right. If one is to think I was treated well after so suddenly not feeling pain, one would indeed be wrong as I indeed played the part of the fool next. Best way to learn was through the baptism by fire. In short, I'd fallen in love with everything in my life. All the shortcomings and inadequacies as that's how long it took and the path I had to take to learn what I had so I'd no longer suffer. Still do but I bear it as I'd seen that the beauty in life does exists only that it's kept inside a prison.
I met a girl the very day I finally understood myself and fell for her the moment she so serendipitously looked into my eyes. At that point, Tyler was all but dead and gone, it was time to learn hell from the opposite side of the universe. Through it I'd seen just how chaotic society had become due to all these things we've created and taken for granted with little to no knowledge about it's psychological effects. I am of course referring to the digital age when people no longer present their real selves out in the world but wear their masks when in public. To portray a friend to your face even though, in your absence, they're talking smack about you. That's a sign of their own personal feelings and shouldn't be taken personally. People can either wish the best for someone or be deceptively evil.
To end as to not make this too long. What society lacks it the proper cultivations of ones strengths or interests. My obsession with aviation was seen as a fault of my behavior and wasn't in the least. You'd have to be pretty diluted to think an obsessive interest in things is unproductive. As I'd noticed, the modern education system does nothing more than to crush ones inspiration. To which I'd que the song, Another Brick in the Wall. Then you have people like us who want nothing more than to see the world a better place but lack our voice to speak it as it's all too often we're forced to believe we need a diploma before speaking out about why the world could be a better place. The social structure of this world is treacherous and painful when gone into blindly as we all do. Only then do you really see how far people have deviated from their true selves. Be you free of your perception of what the world wants of you. Doubt was one of the most painful programs to erase from my internal pathological computer.
I had to kill off all I loved on the outside just to discover who I was to love on the inside, myself. I have no idea where my life will take me, I just hope I can help many like myself truly understand themselves as this world likes to lead people astray. | aspergers |
I was just playing valheim and then went to bed, and suddently, out of nowhere, a thought about my ex crosses my mind, and with that a shower of thoughts, blaming myself for things i could have done, and it is straight up killing me, i know this comes directly from our poor emotion managing, so please could anyone give me any advice on how to calm tf down and set my mind and heart at ease? This is killing me from the inside, and i dint know what to do anymore, i cant go on suffering like this from past mistakes. Please someone help me | ADHD |
This obsession has been stuck in my head non stop for quite a while. It terrifies me. I don’t trust some food at all because of it and it makes me feel extremely anxious 😔 OCD is exhausting | OCD |
YouTuber I have been watching for years randomly did a live session to chat with all his subscribers. He had a number you could dial him up & if answered could ask any questions & chat with him about anything you wanted. I called just for the hell of it but didn’t think he would actually answer my call but he did & I froze up 😭😭 then he eventually hung up on me cause I didn’t say anything even though I had a millions things on my mind I wanted to chat with him about . Ughhh this blows so much :/ | aspergers |
A sentiment I think which has been echoed a lot on this site. Why is it the onus is on *us* to change our ways? Even my own parents are like I need to practise "social skills" and stuff. This isn't some kind of personality trait that can just be changed overnight - it's a part of our brain ffs. You wouldn't ask a person in a wheelchair to get up and walk, so why would you ask an aspergic person to start becoming an extrovert? In a society where we are told that its "okay to be different", that we need to "embrace difference", and be tolerant of others, why can't basically every one else be tolerant of us? Homosexuals in western society are not told to become heterosexuals, as an example of how for other groups difference is embraced or tolerated, at least, in recent times. I find it very hypocritical for those same people to expect us to be "friendly", "smiley", and all that crap. Like sure, friendly, but as an aspergic person who is somewhat logical, why the fuck would I smile just for the sake of smiling? To me, a smile is something personal, intimate, special. Not just some regular gesture for every person to have the privilege of sharing with me. This is a western thing I'm sure, I know in Russia and Eastern Europe the people have a reputation for being "cold" especially with foreigners by not smiling, and its because they have the same attitudes towards smiling as I do, and I'm sure other aspies too. | aspergers |
I had severe OCD as a kid. There was this one situation of my mom dealing with it that I think severely impacted me in a bad way. I've only told one person and he thinks it's awful that it happened.
Basically, when I was 12/13, I had harm/violence OCD, meaning I was very concerned I would hurt someone or even kill them. There was one night when I had to be picked up early from a sleepover because the thoughts were becoming too upsetting. The next morning I sat at the kitchen table with my mom. She was obviously very upset about the night before, definitely pissed of. She had this cold stare and monotone voice that just made me more upset.
Here's the conversation:
Mom: are you still having those thoughts?
Me: Yes
Mom: killing people? (she really emphasized the "killing" part)
Me: yes
Then she just nodded and continued to stare at me with the same cold expression. She started lecturing about why these thoughts were things I could not share with people because people would misunderstand and think I'm serious about these violent thoughts. Here is exactly what she said:
"If you tell someone (about the thoughts), you won't have friends anymore, you'll end up alone, you'll need to be sent to a mental hospital, and your life will be ruined."
It was so painful. She had previously been so supportive of me and this was basically a spit in the face. I understand why I couldn't tell people about the thoughts, but she was basically rubbing her disdain in my face. She said this first thing in the morning, and I don't even think she hugged me afterwards. I remember going straight to my room, sitting on the floor, and thinking one by one of every person I knew and asking myself if I could trust them. I came to the conclusion I didn't have anyone I could trust anymore. And within a year I became suicidal and was failing the 8th grade.
So my question is, is it understandable that being told something like this as a kid could have an extreme emotional impact for many years? Even if you focus less in my reaction and more on what she said. How would you have felt? | OCD |
Had hocd I hope for around a year then hopefully got tocd and it’s been going on for three years plus, am I just in denial if it’s been going on for years ? | OCD |
A couple weeks ago a friend sent me screenshots of my boyfriend on tinder using it at my house it broke my heart he said sorry and said it was just for “friends” I’m not dumb I know better but I stayed with him I decided to make a tinder and bumble with black screens and no name to see if he was still using them and I found him on tinder. He went on my phone and saw the notification of a verification code from tinder and bumble. He’s been giving me hell for weeks now for downloading them he had no proof I even used it ( honestly I didn’t I just wanted to see if he was on there). He told me he wasn’t doing anything behind my back.
Tonight the same friend told me she saw him on bumble but didn’t screen shot like last time when she found him on tinder. So I made a catfish account and found him in like 10 minutes. My heart is broken I feel awful beyond the point of crying I just want to die. He’s been the only person in my life for over a year. I feel like I’m not good enough. I just want him to change I want things to go back to how they were when I met him. I’ve gained weight due to health problems and binge eating and just getting depressed. I’m so ugly now I have nothing to look forward to in life. | depression |
Are there any tips i can use to try not to look depressed, i'm really bad at hiding my emotions, i can fake it for like one hour and then i start to look angry and depressed.
I have a big family gathering today and i don't want to embarrass myself. | depression |
Well the psychiatric doctor told me today I have ADHD, social anxiety (already knew that one), and ASD.
I am high functioning and since I’ve made it this far in my life (stable in my career) the doctor doesn’t see a point in medicating me for anything but the anxiety.
What do I do now? I was kind of hoping having a doctor confirm my suspicions would be... liberating? Give me closure or something? It didn’t. | aspergers |
I get over one false memory and then I get another. It’s ruining everything in my life. I just want to be happy and carefree again.
I’m spending hours a day ruminating over the past. Trying to find out if this thought that I did something bad is true.
Please somebody help | OCD |
My partner (M, 40s) has been trying for ages to speak to his GP about being referred for an ADHD assessment as he is experiencing almost every symptom of ADHD. The GP is not even offering an appointment anytime soon because they said that after the lockdown a lot of people are asking for ADHD assessments, so he is not a priority. We understand that the waiting list in the NHS is massive and he has decided to go private as his symptoms are really bad lately and he has difficulty functioning. On top of that, he had three car accidents in a few months due to inattentiveness so he is understandably worried. I have two questions:
1) Can you recommend a good private clinic or psychiatrist in London that you have used and were happy with the service they offered?
2) this may be a silly question but we are certain that he is experiencing some acute difficulties most likely due to (suspected) ADHD, but we wonder if instead or on top it is something else such as autism or anxiety disorder. If we choose a private ADHD assessment are they only assessing for ADHD or would they be considering other conditions as well? The reason I am asking is: if it turns out it is not ADHD then do we have to have a separate assessment for anxiety disorder or autism etc?
Thank you all in advance | ADHD |
My special interest is learning and I'm not religious.
I bought a Bible that was published in 1812 and originally owned by a Scottish family (they had a small family tree written into the first page). I bought it so I could see the difference between the Bible's back then and modern bibles.
This was an idea that popped into my head and I went through with it lol.
Edit: the book was actually published in 1841, sorry for the confusion. | aspergers |
I'm constantly correcting my posture, my feet, my teeth, my mouth, my eyes because I can't stop thinking about how they're not perfectly parallel. I'm always conscious of how my gait is uneven while walking and how my teeth are misaligned. Whenever the thought occurs, my brain starts thinking that I might have undiagnosed MS or EDS and if I don't do something about it then I'll end up not being able to walk. Or in regards to my teeth, my brain thinks that if I don't correct and hold my teeth together then I'll end up with a really asymmetrical face. This cycles just keeps repeating and I'm always stuck in these inane mental cycles. Does anyone else have this? | OCD |
I've recently got a new job that on paper I have the skill for and am mildly interested in, but compared to my old one, there's much less talking with peers and hanging out which were really great ways for me to cut up my day. Not to mentioned my old job was in recreation so I'd also be running programs sometimes.
The are others in the office so the opportunity to make work friends doesn't exist, but for one I'm managing them and they're 18 while I'm 28 so it's harder to connect the same way I did at my old position I like to think I'm doing ok in team leadership. But re tasks that are my specific responsibility I'm struggling even though I know what to do.
My old place knew I had adhd but as the pandemic wore on management became less accommodating as my own mental health also took a dive. I don't fault them there were lots of chances and I left on my own terms. I'm in a nfp and debating whether I should share with my new place about strats but I really don't know what can be done differently in this situation.
I guess advice I'm looking for is what kind of accomodations has your workplace done for you? Maybe something I haven't thought of will click? And if you have advice that is aimed at this situation then I'd love to hear it! Also willing to answer questions for clarity | ADHD |
ugh i hate ocd. so i have been going to a therapist for a few weeks now and i REALLY like her. she is super nice, funny, quirky and really understands all my feelings and thoughts. but then my stupid ocd had to ruin it and i am starting to get intrusive thoughts about her. but what makes it hard is they are thoughts about things that she might have done not things that i might do to her. for example the thoughts are like “what if she is a murdered or a cannibal” i could handle it if the thoughts were like “stab her” or something like that. i mean those thoughts are still scary but at least i am in control of my actions. i’m not in control of hers. i am just worried that i will become scared of her and then therapy won’t work anymore. it just sucks because i really really like her. anyone have any advice? | OCD |
Ok so I had a left over pain killer from a oral surgery. Was having a chill day so at night I said what the hell, and popped it. Now, my ass has done this b4 but now that my therapist is trying to get me to “pay attention and notice my emotions instead of going all reptile” I never noticed it b4 but, it shut everything up. Like when you walk outside after a fresh snow. Shit was quiet for the first time in months. No Hypervigilance, no nagging voice telling me how every move I make is an embarrassment, no checking every room in the house 100 times. I could actually sit on my couch for more than 10 minutes.
Now. I know how this ends. I’m out and not looking. But. Is there something else that can do this? Anyone on meds that can tell me it’s possible to get it all to shut the fuck up. Or is that what it’s like when you “work through it” is that what a normal brain is like? Is that achievable wo an opioid? | ptsd |
I've had treatment resistant depression for years and have been using SSRI and SNRI to manage it to a certain extent. It does work, but only slightly, even at maximal dose. I've been on and off the medication because I kept feeling worse long-term due to inability to work.
I want to be on SSRI, but I keep running into the issue of my dopamine getting completely drained, to the point where I lose my productivity & creativity. I run my own business and I'm generally very happy with my work but on SSRI I simply can't keep up without forcing myself to "be creative" and it's taking a toll on me.
I've tried a MAO-B inhibitor *(to also treat suspected Parkinson's Disease)* and I felt my creativity, productivity, libido and happiness returning, and my social anxiety is the lowest it's ever been. The highs are great for once, instead of my usual numb mood.
The lows are still low though, and I want to be on SSRI. Mixing my MAO-B inhibitor (for Dopamine) and SSRI is not considered safe, and I want to find some other medication that fits me better. I need to bring this up with my doctor, but I want to do some research on my own first. I've tried to find information about medicines that support dopamine, but also allow me to use SSRI safely.
Thanks in advance! | depression |
Hey guys, I don’t have adhd and am not trying to self diagnose. However, I’ve always had trouble doing school work. I have finished highschool and am now in University doing a diploma. In school I would always leave my work till the day before, never really study for tests etc and whenever I was in class learning, it would never stick I would walk out of the class not remembering a thing, it just felt really over whelming to do the work or listen to everything that was being said. Now that I’m in uni I’m doing the same thing I have a 50 page assesment due on Monday and I haven’t even started it. I’m just wondering if it’s some sort of learning difficulty or I’m just lazy :/ | ADHD |
I've been seeking help for roughly a year. I'm just writing out my experience to see if anybody can relate.
After breaking down, I was told by loved ones to seek medical help. I did that. I followed it all the way up the chain. The places medical professionals told me to go, I went there, and they told me there was nothing they could do, apart from putting me in a residence for the mentally ill. Everyone, including medical professionals has told me that that would be a terrible idea.
I stuffed so much emotions down my whole life, then find it impossible to open up during counselling.
If I'm traumatised by things in my past, then that makes it feel impossible to open up about, because the only thing contemplating it seems to do is Stoke the fire.
I feel completely stupid and unable to express myself to my counseller. I feel completely unable to open up, and whenever I'm an any sort of setting like this I feel completely mentally retarded. (I hope that term doesn't offend anyone, to me it's just the most accurate term)
Seeking out professional help has made me feel more alone and hopeless than ever. Having trauma that wasn't your fault, the anger and bitterness is too real.
I put on my blinders to block things out, try and avoid situations that will trigger me, a robot that shuts itself down, just to function at all. but whether I block it out for a day or years it doesn't really matter, because it always sneaks up and cracks my mind open like a firework. Flashbacks and triggers are like fireworks in my head. It's like blacking out and having no control over what happens.
When I get triggered its I like I realize the truth about myself. That I'm not like other people.
If I ever have any kind of relationship, (romantic or friendship) something will always come up, to make me realize I'm damaged in ways they are not. Who can blame someone who feels this way for not wanting to face the world?
I've tried so hard to 'bootstrap' myself and make something out of myself, but you can't bootstrap trauma, I've found out that's not how it works.
Edit: there's a song by Grateful Dead called Ripple. I think their front man Jerry Garcia is one of the most amazing, mind blowing lyricists I've ever heard. One of the lines from that song is "if I knew the way, I would take you home" it's like he is an agent of understanding and healing. Indeed, if I knew the way, I would take us all home, where everything is OK, and as it was meant to be. Where its not so dark | ptsd |
This is upsetting to me. I try so hard. I read the social skills books, go to group therapy. I still can’t get it right and if I say I struggle with nonverbal communication I am told that if I am aware of it I can fix it. The problem is even though I know I have trouble with it I can’t easily identify what I need to fix. Telling anyone I struggle with this just makes them more angry. | aspergers |
For quite a while, maybe 2 years or so, i started compulsively cheking my facebook profile picture, instagram posts, all the time, and deleting them after 1-2 weeks, sometimes the same day i posted it. I'm obsessed by the way i look, i feel there is always a flaw in my pictures, even thought i have quite some friends, a loving boyfriend and a normal amount of "likes". Even thought the photo is 1-2-3 days old, i always feel like it's a worst version of me than it is today. Or for exemple, when i post a photo of me with a lot of makeup on, i feel like i can't be seen with no makeup, otherwise i will be seen like a "catfish". Anyone else feels this way?? i can't find any threads about this🥺
*i'm sorry for my english, my primary language is french, hope you can understand | OCD |
My therapist has finally agreed to access me for ADHD after a long time of only focusing on my depression. I was finally able to explain how I was feeling and what I deal with on a daily basis rather than not being able to communicate my needs. I'm well aware I have depression and anxiety however feel that's caused my lack of being able to function and not the other way around and she finally agreed. Hopefully I can get the help I need to be able to function like a semi normal person. I was so stressed out the entire time but now feel a bit hopeful.
Anyway, I just wanted to share some good news for once. I love this community and am glad I found it. | ADHD |
So, this has happened to me sometimes, and I'm writing about it because it just happened like 5 minutes ago. Does anybody else feel like after they do the compulsion, they think to themselves "I probably could have not done that and felt fine. I should have just not done it." Like after the compulsion I feel fine, but during it, it's like I can't think of any possible thing to get me out of that scenario, because the anxiety is so high, but then after the fact I wish I didn't do it cause I felt like I could have handled it. Sorry if this is poorly worded by the way, I guess it's a bit hard to explain what I feel I guess | OCD |
This is a page I just threw a lot of my content on and didn't care about organization or overlapping topics / keywords. Is this normal for any other adhd business owners or entrepreneurs out there? I'm obsessing over perfect content and topic clusters for SEO purposes and good UX.
If anyone is interested in digital marketing this has a ton of (unorganized) content around the topic. Not affiliated with anyone I link to. The password to access the content is "misc"
https://optimaudience.com/misc-content-inbox-archive/ | ADHD |
I’m currently about to start a masters in Data Science after finishing a Mathematics undergrad and for all my life have never actually known what I want to do. I feel as though I’m only really doing this degree as a path of least resistance to get a well paid job despite having almost 0 interest data science.
What jobs do you guys have and what careers do you think are particularly ADHD friendly?
(Also first ever Reddit post so apologies if I miss something) | ADHD |
Let me say up top that I 1000% support everyone struggling with gender identity. I have no idea what it must be like, and I sympathize deeply.
In fact, it's that sympathy that makes me so anxious about getting other peoples' pronouns correct. Why is it so hard for me to keep track of who goes by what?
Examples: my husband's best friend is a trans-woman, prefers she/her
My best friend's sibling is a trans-man, prefers he/him
My little cousin is struggling with identity and prefers to be gender neutral for now.
The problem is, I knew all of these people before they transitioned, so my instinct is still to call them by their original pronouns. And even when I manually correct myself, I still get everyone all jumbled up in a mess.
Thankfully, they all seem to understand my difficulty with it, but it still makes me feel like a piece of shit, like I'm not trying hard enough.
Just wondering if anyone else struggles with this, and how they cope with it? Clearly, my brute-force technique isn't helpful. | ADHD |
After reading the post about fatigue, I remembered hearing that autistic people are especially prone to sleep problems. One of my sleep doctors commented on the connection.
I have Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder. I'm an extreme night owl because of a clock gene mutation in my brainstem, and there's no cure. Independently of that condition, I also have primary insomnia, k-spindle intrusion, and sleep apnea, which affect quality of sleep. (Very different, separate conditions. DSPD isn't primary insomnia and vice versa.)
I used to be a member of a DSPD mailing list called Nite Owl. Something like 25% of us were autistic.
I'm hypersensitive to low frequency noise, which can travel through bone conduction, so earplugs aren't effective. The lab tech said that in his 14 years working there, I was the first patient to notice the subway rumbling four stories below. People make jokes about "The Princess and the Pea". Hyperacute hearing. It's one of the world's shittiest superpowers. If there's a generator anywhere within miles, or a big boat on the lake, or a cargo jet taking off four miles away, I'll be the only one who notices.
I hate the term "insomnia". My inability to fall asleep and stay asleep has nothing whatsoever to do with sleep hygiene. I've tried everything, including novel medications in their second and third trial phases at a sleep research clinic. (RIP Almorexant, an orexin antagonist that was discontinued because of dangerous potential side effects.)
Does anyone else have problems sleeping? | aspergers |
* Throughout my life, I have suffered from depression, anxiety, very rare but problematic panic attacks, and intrusive thoughts, and OCD.
* Also, even if I technically could become a police officer, would you recommend it?
* Don't be afraid to be honest, as while I am considering a career as a police officer, I am not dead-set on it | OCD |
So I (22F) was looking up tutorials on how to kiss my current boyfriend because my last boyfriend criticised me.
I was getting wet all day thinking about the things my current boyfriend said to me over text.
I wasn’t thinking about any of this while I was searching the kissing tutorials. Just then my 14 year old brother walked into my room and playfully jumped on me- he’s been doing this ever since he was a toddler and we have an eight year age gap so I’ve treated him like my baby.
Im pretty sure I wasn’t turned on or aroused by the kissing tutorials I was watching, but I immediately remembered how I had constantly been wet all day. I assumed I still was as I could feel some lubrication down there when I paid attention.
I wondered if it was inappropriate for my brother to continue laying on me if I was wet. A few moments passed as I thought about it and then I asked him to move and he didn’t listen.
I thought maybe this was OCD as I wasn’t actually turned on, any lubrication would have to have been from before. Or if I was turned on by the kissing videos it definitely went away when I put my phone down when my brother entered the room. I eventually pushed my brother off me and he left.
I went to the toilet and wiped and I only saw discharge. But now I’m panicking. What if I was wet? Why didn’t I move my brother immediately? Why did I lay there contemplating if it was inappropriate or not? I was definitely NOT aroused by my brother and I never have been but I feel terrible I want to die. | OCD |
hi everyone. i’m a 20 yr old (F) who isn’t diagnosed with OCD yet but i feel like most of OCD symptoms are something i resonate with heavily. i don’t have a trustworthy doctor to speak to or a psychiatrist so i just wanna put that out there. i never wanna self diagnose, i just wanted to state i’m here because i resonate heavily to what people with OCD deal with. sorry if that makes me a little less valid i definitely don’t want to come off wrong!!!
but my reason for this post was to ask if anyone wants to be friends? i struggle with false memories and real event obsession that have made my life a living hell not only for myself but my loved ones. the more reassurance others give me, the more it hurts me because my brain finds something new to obsess over and i don’t experience relief until i confess and get reassurance. it really sucks. i want to feel less alone so this is my way of reaching out.
a bit about me if anyone wants to know: i really like film, music, photography, writing poetry, helping others through tarot, eating, and playing games. 💗❤️ | OCD |
My face is not at all expressive and I may look “upset”. My neighbors just moved out and it has just come to my attention that I was identified as a risk to their property they are trying to sell. I have never done anything to them. And I have always supported them. About 7 years ago, I caught their young child in my yard and it appeared he had stabbed my animal. The bloody stick was next to him along with the bloody duck which later died. We had to get his parents to get him out of the yard. I do know that he started Kindergarten soon after and was immediately expelled and is now homeschooled. Ever since that incident, anything that happened out of the ordinary was due to the “neighbor is MAD”. Me. I was unaware what I was supposed to be “mad” at. This was my car alarm randomly going off, I was honking at my brother to get out of my spot, or I was simply coughing outside. Some of these folks I have known for many years. I just had flashbacks of these incidences.
Two years ago, a fire broke out in their backyard. I was at work at the time. The matriarch (grandmother) of the family was suffering from cancer, but she hid the fact that she was a smoker from her family. We have seen her smoking in the same spot the fire in which the fire occurred. She has since died.
I now understand why I am out at night sometimes and nearly every house in the surrounding area turns on floodlights on me. (I need to check on my chickens in their coop before bed. Coincidentally, if there is a disturbance with them, I am at fault, and I have known for years that I have been accused of harming my animals.) If there are no floodlights, people shine “spotlights” or go so far as to drive their cars into their backyards, position them to face my yard, and turn on the high beams. I am blinded with light. The other neighbors constantly call out, “We are getting lights over here, too” as if I am some sort of vampire or evil mythical creature. Yeah, I leave if people shine lights on me. Not because I am guilty of something, but because I cannot stand them by default. Same with staring. I cannot stand that, either. They dumped trash into my yard, so I threw it away. They threw toys in my yard, I returned the toys. I have done nothing but support everyone and even bought toys for the kids, and tried to present them to the parents, who arrogantly laughed in my face and rejected them. In turn, every time I exited my house, the neighborhood kids ran, not walked, from me. I am short, skinny, and weak. I cannot understand this. Two houses let their barking dogs out to intimidate me as well.
If I approach the fence line within my property, there is much excitement in the neighborhood and yelling and cursing ensues. Apparently, I am a son of a bitch. For what? Not sure. All this time, I thought we were on the same team. These people are vehemently angry with me. I am sure they feel I am a criminal and even when I fall and get hurt in my yard (falling down the slope) nobody comes. If others get hurt, there are crowds to support them. I expect that. I have done nothing. Even the workers on the property seem to follow my movements with mobile phones, and become very excited when I make quick movements. When the workers leave, other family member come by and stare at me though the chain-link. How do I unring this bell? I am being defamed. Obviously the person who lived there was angry about what her son did and spun lies on me. Her siblings are pissed about the condition in which she left the parental home (rats, rat tunnels, roaches, etc). Why turn on me? Perhaps they postulate I was responsible for the blaze. What can I do? | aspergers |
My OCD started last year due to a traumatic event. After a few months of having it, I started on meds because I was so anxious I almost couldn't do anything.
The months went by and I felt okay, so I stopped taking them and doing ERP.
Now that I'm back to college I feel like dying, I can't sleep because OCD appears on my dreams all the fucking time, I can't enjoy doing anything because of my thoughts, and I spend ruminating every minute of the day.
The problem is, even though I know I'm really bad, I feel like doing this is taking a huge step back.
My therapist told me the average time to recover and live a normal life is around one year and a half. For me, it's only getting worse every day. I've been stuck with the same theme for a year so I feel pretty hopelesshopeless knowing that people recover that fast and I'm here stuck with anxiety every single day.
Should I go back on meds or keep trying by myself and hope for the best? | OCD |
I suspect I may have ASD for a variety of reasons, one of them being eye contact.
In my head I feel like I'm more focused on making eye contact than actually processing what the person is saying. I have an urge to look away. It feels uncomfortable but I'm not really sure how to put it into words beyond that. I can usually manage but if I feel stressed/ tired it feels worse.
What is your experience of this? Thanks | aspergers |
Hello. I am on 400mg of seroquel a day and I don’t feel it at all. In fact I am EXTREMELY wired. So much so my head is burning on fire and I extremely freak out having a raised heart rate all day long. Most of my normal day experiences are panic attack after panic attack. I have been psychiatrically admitted 5 times and on multiple drugs. I went to my aunties house two nights ago and for the first night in a very long time I got a straight 8 hours of sleep. Then last night I went back to the original pattern of 1-2 hours sleep then awake and repeat. I am extremely suicidal so much so I have turned my anger onto other people and pills like zopiclone and lorazepam have no impact on me what so ever. | ptsd |
Last November I got into a psychosis from lack of sleep. I was completely out of it and went on a "pilgrimage". At one point I threw everything I had on me including my favorite jacket, my adidas tracksuit, my favorite waist bag, my favorite sunglasses, my home keys, a swiss multi tool , trashed my smartphone to dust with my bare hands.
and all I kept on me because I felt in the moment it might be useful was a lighter. a fkin lighter.
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and later at one point I end up in a wood factory alone naked. I enter a cargo truck. and I find plastic lids big enough to cover my eyes. I put those suckers over my eyes because I thought they were the magic glasses from "They Live" and would help me see shit. But the lids didnt stay on my eyes so I got the bright idea (no pun intended) to light up the lighter flame under my eyes to shut the lids on them. Thankfully I didnt do it for very long like 5 seconds or im not sure, but I didnt feel any heat on my eyes.
Many things happened after that, but the next few days I lost my central vision in both eyes but more so in my right eye (where I held the flame the longest).
Other than this incident, I did stare at highway lights and many kind of lights for long, and I also did stare at the sun the next morning so Im not sure 100% what caused my vision loss.
​
The question is, how do I accept something like this? I have Real Event OCD, its hard to accept I have a damaged urethra, how am I supposed to deal with this? I know , its the same as any other intrusive thought but this is permanent, even with stem cells, they can't fix your retina. At least my urethra I have some options left to try. Even though the memory will always be there and cause me uneasiness.
​
Btw. I am afraid I might have bipolar disorder. | OCD |
I've recently started losing some of the grip I have on my ADHD, and have started forcing myself to make therapy and doctors appointments to get back on the saddle. I've also been unemployed for a few months now, and I've been sending out applications left and right without hearing much back.
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However, my current hyper-focus project is a business idea that I am working on, partly involving greenhouses. My university campus has some greenhouses on it, so my ADHD brain decided to say "Forget about all that coursework babe, you know you wanna go stare at those greenhouses and see what random nonsense you come up with. Go ask the plant witches for their magical plant knowledge so you can add it to your Jeopardy-like encyclopedia."
So of course I wandered over to the greenhouses, and completely forgot to stare at them since there were people inside fucking with plants. I popped my head in, told them I wanted to ask questions and learn about how the greenhouses work. Instead, they told me that they are hiring, and the gave me the managers email. I sent the manager an email with my resume attached, and she hired me the next morning. She toured me around and showed me all the disorganization and random tasks that I can beep borp with. (my wife and I call our hyperfocus "beep borping" because we feel like a robot speed running a task). There's so much chaos everywhere, so I'll have a relaxing place to hit big problems without getting too fucked up by the little tedious ones. | ADHD |
Mom left me when I was 3, father died when I was 10. Went through a couple years with an abusive aunt but now I live with my uncle. Currently 18 and have been ruining my brain with drugs since I was late 14. Frequently experience brain fog, every relationship I have is falling apart. Used to be thought of as gifted and talented, now looked down upon as my grades started dropping due to being incredibly lazy. Can't seem to enjoy a single thing besides using drugs. Probably won't get into college even though everyone expects me to. I failed at commiting suicide yesterday, don't know if I'm going to last much longer. | depression |
I find that if I involve someone else in a project that I want to get done, I'm much more likely to at least start working on the project.
Here’s an example: I'm an artist who prefers to work with repurposed materials rather than acquiring newly manufactured supplies whenever possible. If I ask a friend to save up some cardboard, plastic bags or fabric scraps for me because I have an idea for an art project, I'm much more likely to follow through with my idea. I know that my friend has made a little effort for me, and that they will probably ask me about my project later. Because of my desire to please them by saying "yeah - I really did something interesting, thanks for giving me all of that stuff!" (And because I'm honest.) I will definitely make myself do something with the materials.
I'm fairly recently diagnosed and trying to work with my ADHD tendencies with more self awareness. It's a process and I'm always adapting. Maybe someone else will be able to try this out for motivation. | ADHD |
I feel numb. I don't feel happy. I want to feel happy. I have pretended to smile and he happy for so long that now idk the difference of being actually happy and pretending it. My family put me in forced isolation where I cannot meet any of my friends because they will " ruin my character " i can't step out of the house to even get the basic necessities i need. I don't feel good like this. I feel caged and my brain feels caged because i can't speak to anyone in the family coz for them it's all an act. Where do I go? I need help. I'm struggling and I'm tired fighting it. I want this constant nagging and pain to end now. Help me. | depression |
at least for me it works like this; I have tried everything; nothing works; had this insight recently; what you guys say? | OCD |
*embarrassing thought*
*body clenches + I hold my breath*
Me, immediately- “I hope someone runs me over with a fucking truck”
The phrase varies. It’s usually “I hope someone + random violent/grim act”. Like “I hope someone leaves me in a sewer to die”
I don’t make the decision to say it and I never know what I will say before it leaves my mouth. I suspect if I tried to stop it coming out of my mouth it would echo in my thoughts. It’s not like I’m saying it because I feel like something bad will happen if I do.
Tension (anxiety driven and otherwise) also make me have what appear to be motor tics.
Does this sound like an OCD thing or a tic thing? As it’s driven by an intrusive thought it seems like OCD, but the feeling of saying it does not feel like my previous compulsions. | OCD |
There is just nothing left of me, things are going fine for a while and then it all comes crashing down on me. Again and again, i tried to built something and now I’m in a cave searching a way to the surface, again. Im trapped in a spiral of bullshit.
I don’t even know why I’m writing this, I just want to sleep forever. | depression |
Is it just me or anyone else taking a long shower because they feel like they need to decontaminate themselves as they leave a biohazard facility. I fear contamination, so when I am taking a shower, I am taking a long one. I am mainly washing hands, and the shower is small, and I am scared of touching the wall or the shower curtain. I used to take 40 minutes shower, and now it has become 1 hour and sometimes even 1 and a half hour. Has anyone else experienced anything similar? | OCD |
I started taking strattera 2 days ago and the last two nights I can't sleep for more than 2 hours at time. I wake up and I'm wide awake. I'm currently taking 18mg (however I also take fluoxetine which increases the amount in my system by 100%). I even tried taking some diazepam and I was still wide awake.
Does this go away? | ADHD |
so i finally decided to start therapy but in september/october, because i dont have any income right now, but will start having then
the problem is that therapy is expensive for me, it's 30€ a week, and bc of that i'm thinking of going every other week? can that also work, i've never been to therapy, so is that even a thing? thank u<3 | ptsd |
Right now besides some other strong themes I have this thing going on. I’m reading this big book that’s awesome with my friends. We’re all up to the same chapters and it’s rlly addicting. But one day I started developing double checking if I understood what the book was saying, then triple checking and more more times. This is taking me 1 hours to read one chapter when I can normally read it on 15 minutes. And it gets me anxious that my friends are going forward and I’m stuck. I wanna keep reading bc of the plot but this problem is making it exhausting. | OCD |
so everyone has their really horny periods of their life and i as a young man (20s) would be unavoidable as well. i did try texting some girls on the nsfw reddit and eventually i did sext with some of them and now i dont remember if i hooked up with any of them or like even meet them. and im really paranoid of getting them pregnant and stuff. i think one of them even told me she had a pregnancy scare at the start of the convos (i think) but told me she wasnt pregnant after but all these memories are so fuzzy and i cant remember and now im just REALLY REALLY scared i got random girls pregnant and they didnt tell me or something. i feel like i have a kid somewhere out there that i dont know about and im just worried if it is true. now ocd is making me check my memory constantly and its spreading to tell me what if every pregnant women i saw in my life, has my kid. im going so mad i cant but im just so tired i dont want this anymore.
i just wanna ask how can i stop these pregnancy thoughts thing? and has anyone experienced similar? do i just live my life not knowing? i dont want to be those guys i read about where they have a family and then found out they have another child when they are in their 50s with their younger days hook ups. i want to be responsible for the potential kid uebsuwhwusbwausb
also WHILE TYPING THIS, I M SO PARANOID IF I TYPED ANYTHING PERSONAL TO THE WORLD but im too tired to check and i dont wanna so please do point out if i did thanks kind people on this subreddit 💜 | OCD |
So recently Ive been told that I have been rude and acting irriated towards those in my life that have helped me and still are. I have days where I am angry at the world and I just want to hideaway from everyone. Other days, I will have an attitude and be short with those close to me. I dont mean to be this way but I can't seem to get out of this funk.
The flashbacks are happening more and more. For the past week or so I wake up in the middle of the night and I find myself in the corner of my room, curled up into a ball, crying my eyes out. I hardly sleep anymore because I am terrified to close my eyes. I have therapy on the 27th of December and I don't know how much longer I can deal with this.
I don't go out anymore. I use to always go out and have fun, but now just the thought of being out around other people sends me into a panic attack. Its frustrating when I have to do grocery shopping or just go out for something simple.
My parents don't have a clue about what happened to me and I dont plan on telling them. They are older in age and I dont want to get them upset. Its difficult pretending that everything is okay when its not.
Also, I found out recently that the guy who raped me has been reaching out to all of my guy friends and sending them messages like, "Hey do you know where she lives? Is she dating anyone? Do you want to see some pictures of her naked?" A guy friend of mine reached out to me ( he had no clue about what this guy did to me or anything). He wanted me to go to the police but I am not putting myself through that again. So he is staying with me for a few days and has invited me to his family chiristmas dinner. I am grateful to have such an amazing and understanding friend but I also feel like im a burden.
I dont know what to do anymore!!! | ptsd |
I am covering several subjects in this discussion, feel free to respond to any or all of them (of course).
Ever since I stopped using alcohol to cope with my OCD the majority of the time, I have had a very difficult time coping with this mental illness, despite trying multiple different medications. My psychiatrists have almost all been ARNPs (Advanced Registered Nurse Practitioners), which I'm not sure if that matters, but they also have been for the most part, let's say, sub-par.
I currently take 15mg Prozac (10mg capsule one day, 20mg capsule another day), as 20mg gives me erectile dysfunction, while 10mg is too little (after a couple of weeks of being on 10mg, my OCD and especially depression are much, much worse).
Although I am on medications, I also am all ears to other meds (in the meantime and in the future) of coping with my obsessions and compulsions. I mainly have obsessions - intrusive thoughts that _do not_ leave my brain unless I get them off my chest, which can stress others out at times. This isn't always the case, but I usually have to get an answer to move on.
I have heard CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) works best. For those who don't know, this is the combination of working with a therapist or psychologist while also taking medication (and preferably working with a psychiatrist) for your OCD. I am trying this in a few weeks.
Any other suggestions would be greatly appreciated. My largest issues by far are:
1. Snce I turned 25 or so, my Prozac never seemed to work the same, mainly speaking in regards to OCD. I had been on it since I was 15, and was advised to take a break from it in hopes when I went back on it after some time, it would work properly. I gave it a few years of a break (to my recollection), and it still wasn't the same.
2. Side effects with every drug I have taken, the largest so far being erectile dysfunction. As soon as I'm off the medication, not only can I get and maintain a full erection, but I actually enjoy the sexual experiences so much more. They aren't dulled down. I believe intimacy is a very important part of life (especially being in a committed, serious relationship), and this is why I have had to change my medication to a lower level.
Other factors/points I would like to include:
I have heard from my ARNP that every other medication other than Prozac (generic: Fluoxetine) causes extreme withdrawal effects if even one dose is missed. Can anyone speak to this?
I also just started taking L-Methyfolate (an over the counter one) from a company called Carlyle. It's branded as Opti-Folate. I have read taking this in 15mg doses daily has the potential to greatly help those with depression (which I'm sure most of us also have), and especially help those who do not metabolize folic acid well (which is what it essentially is).
I truly appreciate any suggestions and advice! | OCD |
16F. Long story short, I've become terrified of being a p"do overnight two months ago. Stopped eating, sleeping, etc. Non stop guilt.
I saw "OCD" in "pocd" in a post and was curious, clicked on it, all that registered was children and sexual. The next day I looked at my little brother and my mind must've connected it with the night before, had a horrible image of someone molesting him, was anxious, then it morphed into me doing something with him.
Instant fear anxiety and everything. Google searching all day. After reassuring myself it's okay because I didn't enjoy it, my mind went well what if you did. And I got an image of laughing while doing that. Freaked out and cried again. I brought the mini video thing up in my head and tried changing it so it's for example us getting chopped up and made into a salad or something but it didn't work.
It went away after a while. But it came back and this time I had a strong urge telling me, look just prove to yourself you're not a p, imagine it on purpose, you won't feel any arousal down there so you're not one.
I didn't expect it to happen, but the moment I imagined it with a random child, instant feeling down there. I only imagine it for like 3 seconds because I didn't want to but instant something there, it wasn't nice but strong, and I had a horrible flush of hotness and anxiety and fear in my chest because of the realisation.
In desperation I imagined doing the same thing with someone my age or an adult and nothing. Out of panic I kept imagining the two to compare, and half the times I felt something evident for the p thoughts.
After that I didn't have enough proof to show I'm not a p. So I nearly convinced myself I'm a p. I've never ever had such thoughts or ideas before, it just randomly started, right after my religious obsession of hell finished and I truly felt free for the first time in years.
So, to those who have OCD here, does this mean I have pocd or p disorder? (The disorder is when you feel distress over it, and that overlaps with pocd, so I don't know anymore).
Does deliberately imagining a scenario and getting aroused mean I'm a p? I imagined it only to check and now it won't stop replaying it's like it's stuck. Although I don't know if it was actual arousal, I don't know what it feels like to be honest so I can't say it was that but I can't say it wasn't either. I didn't have any urge to touch myself so idk if that says something, it was just there. How does real arousal feel like too?
Please help. I started therapy and my therapist said it's ok at my age because I'm only 16, and said she highly doubted i have the disorder. But she didn't say I definitely don't and I'm scared.
I wanted to be a mum it was my biggest dream but now I don't think I can. Whenever I see kids I'm scared and brace myself for the possible thoughts (mine get visual a lot). I'm scared, what if I'll snap and hurt my brother when I'm sleepy for example? What if when I'm a mum I'll be changing a diaper and I'll snap and abuse the baby? If I have these images in my heart surely it means I'm capable of it somehow??
I hate these thoughts and this anxiety, and despite feeling I wouldn't ever do that because it's awful, I suddenly thought, well if you did do that, what if you actually would like it?? I started panicking because it's so horrible i feel like I'm going insane, I don't have the intention AT ALL because it's disgusting and makes me feel like a monster, It's terrifying, I want to die, I would never dream of hurting anyone. I used to love children they're so adorable and kind hearted and so happy, why did I start getting these thoughts? Could this mean that the motherly affection and care I felt towards children was actually attraction all that time???
I don't want to be a p. Even if it meant I was non offending. I'd kill myself. I just want to know please, does getting a response down there to a purposefully imagined thought that was only imagined to check, mean you're attracted? How do I know if am attracted or not? I've never been attracted to anyone properly so I don't know. I've been interested in only guys slightly older than me/my age, but I don't know if I've ever experienced sexual attraction so how do I know?
(Ps. I've also had these thoughts regarding religion, family and I feel really anxious but this one is the worst)
:( | OCD |
Hey guys.
I started 20mg of Vyvanse today. The dr said they're starting me on a low dose and will slowly increasing it. I felt no different. My mind was as busy as ever. At what dose should I expect to see a difference? What am I looking out for? How will I know when it's too much?
I understand this is a gradual journey and Im in no rush. | ADHD |
I've asked dumb questions like this before to other people I know. Some people just say "That's not appropriate" and so I make a course correction and try to do learn better. Some people completely cut contact with me, others don't and let me try to learn better. Sometimes they just get sick of me.
I don't know, maybe they are used to me being... me. I'm genuinely curious about people but I have a serious lack of tact. Wrong audience, wrong environment, talking loud enough to draw attention of eavesdroppers and on-lookers. I try to learn but I will always make an ass of myself and speak without thinking of the consequences of what I'm saying. I will always fail to consider how my words will be interpreted. What I'm thinking never translates into words correctly and I end up offending someone. Why can't I ever learn? What the fuck is wrong with me?
If you ever read this, B, I'm sorry. | aspergers |
My teenager was recently diagnosed with inattentive ADHD and there’s so much to learn. I’m still trying to figure out how all these things fit together: being late when they are constantly reminded of the time, tantrums and shouting matches, messy bedroom/bathroom, not many friends, seemingly not empathetic, etc. In your experiences, are these typical traits? What are other common experiences?
I’d love to hear your stories, how things turned out and learn what I can do to support.
Cheers! | ADHD |
this is literally the number one thing NOT to do when diagnosed with PTSD, but i am really feeling like my trauma wasn’t “bad enough” for the diagnosis. sometimes i question the trauma in general and wonder if i just overreacted. tonight has been really bad with it and i don’t know how to stop this mental block that i have because i know that i shouldn’t compare trauma but it’s just so damn hard :( | ptsd |
Hi everyone. This is probably the last topic I'll ever make on reddit.
I just found out this sub and wanted to let yall guys know that I'll be 22 this December and ever since I was 17 I've been battling depression.
My mother left me as I was 4 years old in my grandmothers house, I was russian, my whole other family except from my mother were Lithuanians, up to 4 I was living in Russia and only speaking Russian.
Anyway, she left me, I never ever saw or heard anything from her again, I had to learn a whole new language at the age of 4 as none of my family was speaking russian. Up to the age of about 10-13 I was questioning if my family is actually my biological family as I have never seen any proof, they all had different surnames aswell, the only proof I had is their words.
I was bullied in schools because I never brushed my teeth, I was lazy to clean my ass, I was taking showers maybe twice a month, all because I wasn't told I am supposed to do those things, I was being laughed at because of my Russian surname, I was doing bad at school, I was being taken advantage of. The first time I grew a mustache and the hair started growing in other areas I was panicking as to how to get rid of it, all because I had no father to teach me about those things. My father was in Spain, and would only come over during christmas for 2 weeks, while he's in Spain we used to speak through Skype every once a month/two. I never had a son & dad connection with him and sadly to this day I still don't. I can see he's trying and he's pushing himself out of the way to take care of me, make me laugh, make me feel comfortable and successful in life, but for whatever reason all of this care and love bounces of the invisible 'shield' that I have around me.
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My grandmother was like a mother to me, we were never rich and were living of her pension which was around 300eur/month if I recall correctly. We would never have fancy stuff in our home, back in 2017 we still had one of those fat cube shaped tvs from early 2000's. Our food mostly consisted of sausages, rice, eggs. Despite everything, she still kept buying me snacks that I wanted such as crisps, sweets, etc. Just to give you an idea of how much I valued a bag of crisps: I still remember the day (probably I was 15 around then) when we were walking from the shop and I was carrying our groceries bag in one hand and had a bag of 2 euro crisps in another, as I was eating them my hand slipped and half of the crisps fell to the ground. She wasn't mad, I said sorry and it felt like I dropped something worth thousands of euros. Everytime I wanted a tea or a slice of bread I would have to go ask her if I can get it and I was told no many times, as a kid back then and I was cursing her in my mind and couldn't understand why (which I do now..) so I would sneak during nights to the kitchen to steal a slice of bread, would put it into microwave and eat it alone without any toppings, that, was equavilent (sorry, don't know how to spell this word) as a candy to me.
Sadly, she had cancer aswell as diabetic and many other problems. I didn't understand the seriousness of those ilnesess back then wasn't concerned about it until she passed away in 2017..
That is when my life changed. As I was 17 I had to change city, drop out of school, leave the very few friends that I had and move to a whole new city, whole new school. In the new city I was doing much better, no one knew my past, no one bullied me, I made new friends, heck, against all odds I found a gilfriend! those were the best days to me, having a girlfriend I for the first time ever experienced a feeling such as love (I never ever felt that I love anyone, even my own family..) I was as happy as I can get, I was dreaming of our life together and at the age of 17 was already planning things such as getting our own flat, living together, having a family.. However, I loved her that much that I started skipping school lessons just to see her, just to be with her, I wanted to make her feel comfortable when we were going to cafe with our friends by buying her a milkshake or whatever else she wanted so I started scamming people online for money. First I was scamming for small amounts such as 5-20 euro on facebook, but soon enough that grew to scamming people out of hundrends sometimes even their phones. I was so lost into scamming I went as far as scamming 5-10 people A DAY and started gaining 'publicity' on facebook, people started contacting my family, posting about me in the group dedicated to the city I live. My aunt which I was staying with after the death of my grandmother was a respectable woman, she had a very good career and was very smart woman so obviously I was damaging her name and career with all the shit I was doing. Despite everything she still tried to 'fix' me and kept me for as long as I can all for nothing as I didn't changed and kept doing what I was doing. Soon enough I also developed a habit of drinking with my friends, I was drinking every day and would come back drunk with a smell, her boyfriend would always catch me and I put them in such situation where she wanted to divorce her boyfriend as he was against me living in their home while she wanted me to stay. Thank god they reached a decision to send me to my father which was in Northern Ireland (I'm saying thank God, because this decision saved their marriage) and so, my next step in life has begun.
Once again, a new life, new city, no more friends. I lost my girlfriend as soon as I flew out because my friends snitched on me for all the shit I was doing behind her back (scamming people to keep her happy and all that), I felt lowest I ever did in my life. I am supposed to continue this as theres a lot more to tell.. however, I don't have the strenght anymore, I am crying as I am writing this. All I wanted to say, is that I feel disgraced by myself that I never valued my grandmother as much as I should of. I am disgraced that I kept letting my dad and my aunt down. I am disgraced at myself for being a failure in this life, this is not why my grandmother raised me, this is not what she hoped I would become as an adult. As of tomorrow I am putting myself in prison, I'll ring the police and will say there's a bomb planted somwhere, I will disagree to get solicitor and will try to get as much prison time as I can get. I can't cope with this life anymore, I can't live in a body what wants to survive with a mind that wants to die. | depression |
Reoccurring nightmares stop my partner from being able to sleep. And my partner wakes up in an awful mood (obviously). My partner just can't shake the thoughts of what happened afterward. It just sticks with my partner.
Partner and I have tried melatonin (no help) and cannabis (big help, but hit or miss with blocking nightmares). Are there any dream blocking substances that we could try?
I'm being vague on purpose because I have posted enough stuff on here that someone could identify me if they wanted too. I don't want any info on my partner in the public. Thanks.
Please let me know if I am breaking the rules or need to reformat or anything. I just want to help. My partner is an amazing person who has been through a lot. | ptsd |
It's not that I dislike my family members, or have had bad experiences with them, it's just that even though I love them I never really think about them often, and I get the same social anxiety and awkwardness I would with strangers. | aspergers |
i dont even respond to triggers anymore. they make me feel terrible for 1 second and then im back to being numb again. it makes me feel like im faking it. i just want to feel | ptsd |
I am working a part time job and going to school. At my current job I am getting very bored. I still like the company and the people there
I am thinking of getting a second part time job to add some more variety to my days, and I wanted to know if anyone of anyone has some experience with this.
Does it help? Does it get too crazy to work 2 jobs and have adhd?
Pros / cons | ADHD |
I am currently working with a girl who I believe has ADHD, I myself have adhd as well and I try to understand her and be patient because I know what it feels to have adults yelling at you all the time. But it’s so hard and exhausting to deal with her energy and her not listening, the screaming, the anger bursts…anyone has some tips on how to deal with kids. Her parents don’t want to medicate her and I don’t think they want to see the obvious. | ADHD |
So I was just wondering if you are officially diagnosed with a subtype or if you just find what subtypes you have yourself? I was originally told I had borderline OCD then a psychiatrist told me I officially had it after the symptoms got worse and the requirements were met so I was never really told if I had a certain type of OCD or if OCD is just considered plain OCD in the diagnosis field. | OCD |
I have no idea if this just works for me or if this has some scientific reasoning behind it, but diaphragmatic breathing has always worked for me | aspergers |
So I’ve been thinking about this and I wanted to know if you guys blame things like procrastination and being late to time management skills.
I for one, feel that it is the emotional side of me that struggles. I always plan to have more than enough time to spend doing things like homework but I still end up not doing it or waiting until the last minute, or if I have all this time planned for homework and something comes up which delays it I end up not doing it at all even if I have more than enough time and I think it’s because I struggle so much and just getting myself to actually do it.
I always here about how ADHD gives you bad time management skills but atleast for me I don’t feel that way. My results are the same as someone with time management skills but the way I get there is totally different.
Just me? | ADHD |
I am seriously in a condition where my OCD is so bad that I can barely function like a normal human being. I just finished my fourth shower of the day, which will be my seventh since yesterday, and am OCD ritually planned to take another this evening before I go to bed.
Couple that with my other compulsions, and they are easily taking up the majority of my day. If they're not, it's the next thing on my mind.
The reason this is of major concern is because I have so many other important things to attend to in my life, including my own health (ear problems, gastro problems, etc.) that I seriously try to attend to, but am immediately taken away from due to my contamination OCD compulsions.
I am seeing a therapist, but my OCD has gotten worse since seeing one. I feel so helpless, and I actually do not know what I am supposed to do. I have zero family members as they are halfway across the country, and I have no friends in my area. | OCD |
I had a friend who blocked me wich made me turned nasty wich i didn't know i had it in me.
I created a second account and wrote insults to him.
I feel when i ve been wronged i need to get my revenge mostly by being childish and trying to hurt with words like they hurted me.
Its not a healthy thought its also not really who i am. And the actions that i take don't make me feel better but the opposite they make me feel worse.
But i act soo impulsively that i can't stop and think , i just act on my feelings being hurt. | aspergers |
I'm guessing this is more of an ADHD thing, but I find if I'm presented with a lot of choices for something, I get overwhelmed very easily and have trouble picking one of those things.
This is something I contend with everyday, being a NEET with tons of spare time, since I'll look all around myself and see things I could be doing around the house, namely organizing or cleaning. I'll end up trying to ignore those things, putting them all off, in favor of doing the same crap I'm used to doing day in and day out, which basically means spending hours online.
Hell, even when I decide I want to do something to entertain myself, I'll have trouble picking a show to watch on Netflix, or a game to play in my Steam library. I just have too many fucking choices, and I can't decide what I want. | aspergers |
Back story: I (20F) have PTSD from child abuse from older women. I constantly live in fear that im going to be hurt again by these same women (especially the ones my dad brings into my life) and am not sure how to live peacefully. Currently, I’m saving up for a car with my retail job to try and get away from the chaos but it’s become a struggle to do things in my day-to-day life. At home, I live in fear. At work, I feel a bit more comfortable since I’m working in customer service; I’m like a different person.
I guess the big question is: how can I feel more safe in my environment and stop living in fear of what could be? | ptsd |
I am a college student. I have PtSd and I find it really hard being attentive in class and really understand the lectures.
Can self-studying somehow help with PTSD and possibly treating it?? | ptsd |
I'm trying to find some resources on school-related stuff and ASD, but all I found seem to be for parents. Does anyone have good resources for teenagers? | aspergers |
i am so sick of being the unhealthy one. im so frustrated that any moment of reality shakes them and makes me question myself. i dont want a support group. i want friends who actually get it. | ptsd |
I was diagnosed with a depressive disorder half a year ago, and it’s been progressively getting worse. I feel completely alone and it just hurts to be alive and I wish it would all just stop. I’m really close to committing and it’s terrifying. Idk what to do or who to reach out to cause I have no one in my life. I’m letting this all out here cause idk where else to do it. I’m really scared and worried I won’t see tomorrow at this point. I need help but don’t know where to go, if anyone could give me some insight on what to do and where to go id appreciate it | depression |
As of recently my OCD has been getting worse. And this isn't the first time I've had a dream like this. So I identify as asexual but I had a few dreams where I was interacting with people in that way. When I woke up I felt very uncomfortable. I felt sick and I have felt very anxious about it. Should I just brush it off and leave it at that? | OCD |
I dislike eye contact, I always have. However when I am stressed, overwhelmed or angry, this is switched way up. I cannot look at people's faces. Eye contact is just painful at that point.
Is this an issue with other folk? | aspergers |
I had undiagnosed depression for a few years. How did I keep it in check...I worked. Making other people happy and laugh (I did experiential marketing) made me feel good. Faking a smile, made me feel the smile. Now, I haven't worked in 6months (not by choice) I've turned down contracts and left my life go into total disarray because I'm guilt tripped when I try and leave to go take care of things that matter to me...but it doesn't matter the other way around. I just hot my boiling point now and I find my only choice is to become mute and numb to all my passions, desires and everything that makes me, me...so that I'm not triggered anymore by anything that reminds me of the latter...otherwise my other option is to just power off completely. The funny irony is...I put other people ahead of myself so much that...I can't even do it for myself when I want to...I have to make sure others are settled in and accommodated before I do so. #Fml | depression |
I grew up as a young girl who wasn’t a priority. My dad didn’t want me when my parents got divorced and my step father didn’t want me because he had a real daughter. My sister was always treated so much better. She’s prettier, younger, more successful. Meanwhile, I have a lot of self image issues, older, and still finding my success. The fear of other women being better than has become crippling and it makes it really hard to become close with other women because my brain will automatically compare myself to them. I hate that and just want to have healthy relationships with other women without having to wonder if I have any redeeming qualities in comparison to them. I’m easily replaceable and my life is just too much. I’m always having panic attacks and I’m poor. I’ll be honest, I don’t know where I stand right now but it’s not a good place and I don’t know how I’ll ever begin to improve my self image and be able ok not comparing myself. | ptsd |
Nothing like waking up Monday morning and remembering how worthless the life I created for my self feels to me. Can’t wait for 5 days of pretending like I care about any of the bullshit about to come my way.
Thing is, I can’t think of anything I want to do more. I feel guilty for hating my life so much but don’t know what alternatives would be better. | depression |
I've had depression and GAD since I was young. Usually my apathy would be sort of "fixed" by high anxiety. I'd procrastinate, get anxious, and then do what I was supposed to do.
I still struggle with anxiety, but no longer in this pattern. I can't bring myself to care about important things like work. I know logically that I should. I can name reasons why.
But I just... don't... care. At all. I feel empty. Eh. | depression |
Does anyone have any suggestions for books on successful leadership that might be particularly helpful to someone on the spectrum? | aspergers |
I have OCD and pretty bad anxiety, I’ve grown up with the usual anxiety of ‘shit what if I go schizophrenic’ ‘I’m going to die, I ate this out of date chicken’ etc and the fear is pretty bad but what I’m feeling now is horrifying. 4 months ago I had a horrible panic attack that made me feel really weird, like nothing made sense? Everything just felt weird, I was just beyond terrified.
That week was the worst of my life, I wasn’t eating, I was so scared. I came to accept it and my anxiety wavered, then after a week or two after that I was back to my usual self (I think) queue another panic attack of pure dread and fear after a build up of anxiety and in that state again, repeat.
Now, last week it happened again, another panic attack but this time I kept reading symptoms about DPDR, where I just felt empty and like everything felt off my anxiety is near constant again... what if it gets worse? What if I get these symptoms everyone else has? Now I’m doubting everything, where I never used to see or feel it I’m thinking ‘fuck do I feel real, do I see myself in the mirror?’ My dread and panic is so bad, I feel so weird, is this just my OCD / anxiety?
This only ever happens at night too, never ever happens during the day. I hate this so much. | OCD |
I was in college and this guy was weird but in a good way. He wore black skinny jeans and band tee shirts but he also wore a hand knitted rainbow beanie that he made himself. He was so open about everything that I envied his ability to just speak his mind. I knew something was off with him but I didn’t care I thought he was awesome. After a while I found out he had aspergers. I just wanted to say, some people think that your different way is pretty cool, I’m one of them | aspergers |
TW: I mention generic experiences (just the terms) but no details. Possible symptoms also mentioned.
I may be developing (re-developing?) PTSD and I feel incredibly ashamed of the cause. I've had some traumatic events happen (typical things like abusive parents, coercive sex, TBI, suicide attempt if that counts?), and had a lot of dissociation, depression, and some hyper-vigilance/panic/anxiety problems but no flashbacks or night terrors iirc.
Recently I've been in a really tense situation with my roommate. One friend told me it sounded abusive, but I don't really think so. It feels like my fault. I get confused when I try to analyze it esp bc I can't remember much anymore (epilepsy meds). This makes it feel super fake, like I made it up, maybe? It just seems like such a stupid thing to feel shitty over.
More details: I realized tonight that I am terrified of my roommate. When I'm in our apartment I'm constantly on edge listening for footsteps coming up the stairs, doors in the hallway opening and closing... when he's in the apartment I cannot relax, I'm afraid to see him or be seen by him, and I keep hiding in my room and it's unreasonably hard for me to go into common spaces when he's around. When I'm in the house or thinking about going home, I start compulsively overeating (I have an eating disorder and it's flaring). I have really random spikes of panic when I see him or someone that reminds me of him somehow. I have to hype myself up to be able to talk to him or even make eye contact with him or someone that looks like him. I've stopped doing things or going places where I might run into him (which I know is super pathetic).
Does it sound like I have PTSD again? This just feels like such a stupid reason to need therapy, and I've done so many years of useless therapy and tried over 10 psych meds. | ptsd |
Hey yall.
I don't know if this is appropriate but I want to tell my story. I don't know what to expect, but I would like to ask for advice since well, being by myself is just soul-crushing at times.
For a bit of background information, right now I'm 24 years old. I was born in Venezuela and I lived there facing through shit for 17 years of my life until I moved to the U.S., but out of it came some of the most influential people in my life aside from my family. One of them being my first love. For now, let's call her the "Bella".
She and I were together one year before my departure and decided to continue to be together even as I moved to the U.S. and her to Canada. We were together for a solid 8 Years total. Many times we both considered breaking up, but we were strong enough to continue and our desire to make a family. Or well, *so I thought.* Fast forward to the 7th year (2020) we were planning a trip for me to go to Canada and stay with her for a couple of months, but COVID Ruined those plans. As we both spent more time home, She got a job and whenever she got home, she would hop into my discord and play with me and my closest friend group. She even became a very close friend of my closest friend, and I was happy to have her play with them, as she didn't know too many people.
However, once 2021 hit, A lot of things started to go... wrong. In my case I started to have a lot of stress as my final year of the university came to be. Me and my sister (roommates at the time) distanced each other for 3 months due to a decision she made regarding doing a project by herself (we are good now, siblings fight every now and then). My group was divided into two coalitions (Me and my closest friend against the other two. Again, we are fine now. It was mostly because my closest friend mixed job with friendship). However, as things and stress pilled up, I started noticing changes from her too.
She became more jealous, colder, and slowly spent less time with me (from speaking daily to every now and then to once a week.) I started to understand that she was losing hope, and with all my tries I couldn't do anything to stop it. In the end, I lost hope myself, after being in a party where I was mostly alone, and did not even have her to talk to. I Broke up things on May 1st and well, it was painful, but she was understanding. Maybe too understanding.
I made it through May heartbroken but regaining hope of both of us just staying as friends. We didn't talk for a month except for a message after the death of my Grandfather on May 13th. His death was honestly a very painful one to me, he was my hero and Idol. What I aspired to become someday. He died of Old age and a long fight with cancer but lived long enough to see me graduate. He was tough as nails until his very end.
In June she sent me out of nowhere 1000 Dollars. (Context: She owed me 2000$, which I never wanted her to return, cos I always saw it as a help rather than a debt) and we decided to talk about things. We skyped for 10 hours and It was the most wonderful conversation I had with her ever. She really rebuilt my trust of things going to be fine after that, as I thought that, If life gave us a chance, we both could be back together! The distance was the only factor, right...?
Well... Two hours later she called me back. And all those hopes were crushed. She revealed that she had cheated and had sex with someone else for over a year, even as she played with me and my friends. Even with all those daily skype calls. She lied to me without mercy.
I've never been more betrayed. More devastated. I always valued her as a caring individual and held her to the highest standard of morality aside from myself (I am a man of high morality and loyalty). She also revealed this as I was living by myself, since both my sister and my other roommate had moved to other places, so I didn't really have anyone to cry with or do anything at all. I was alone.
I don't really know how to express it, but a part of me, if not my whole self died that day. Since then I haven't been the same. I don't enjoy life the same. I've considered several things I never thought I would ever consider, but at least I'm strong enough to face those dark thoughts.
I promised her, I guess out of the love I had for her, that I would not tell the people that she knew about what truly happened. About her betrayal. This included everyone (Both of our families and friends, my group of friends, and all our friends from Venezuela). To them, we just broke up due to distance. The only exception was my closest friend because he got involved in it by accident (He didn't do anything wrong).
To this very day, I've kept that promise. Now 5 months later. To be blunt, I don't know where my head is right now or how I feel. I wanted to move to a different city, but my plans didn't fall through and I'm highly disappointed in myself for that failure. As a distraction, I've been on Tinder and other sites to get some interactions and I guess try new experiences (Probably the bargaining phase of the 5 stages of grief. Trying to find the same feeling but with someone else?). Had sex with someone other than Bella for the first time, and it didn't really feel... pleasing? It was alright, but it wasn't my nature to go around and go sleeping with other people.
I met this new girl about a couple of weeks ago. Let's call her Ruth. She seemed nice and we started hanging around for a couple of weeks. Eventually, we had Sex (although a bit... rushed? because she had to go somewhere that night) and well, two days later she just told me that she didn't want to be with me anymore. Moreover, Bella joined our discord server again after leaving it in May. She was invited by my closest friend as they have begun to talk again. He let me know and well, I told him it was fine of course, although in my heart I know I hate it, and to be honest I feel I'm losing him day in and day out too.
And well here I am now. I don't know why but after being used by Ruth I felt... nothing. I think this is the first time I can be confident that I am probably in ***depression***. (I don't use that word lightly, I know a lot of people claim to do so for everything, but this for me is I think the fourth stage of grief I'm facing). I don't feel sad but I don't feel happy either. I don't feel emotions or anything. I mean, I can feel sad at times but not to the point of breaking down. After hearing about Bella coming back well, I think I've isolated more and more to the point that I don't talk to anyone anymore honestly. I used to see sex as a beautiful thing that should be done with people that love each other. Now? I think I'm starting to see it as just lust, and I feel my thoughts and my old self is slowly dying. My morality and my innocent perspective of life slowly turned sour.
I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what to do, what to think. I feel alone, abandoned. Reminded daily of the family I could've had as I'm living with my brother who now has a baby and is living with his wife happily. I don't think I'm jealous of him, but I definitely am a little sour. Work is nice and honestly, without it I would probably be in a mental hospital. It's the only distraction to keep my sanity.
I've always been a strong person with masterful control of his emotions (I'm highly emotional, so I had to learn since childhood to not look weak). I've always been ambitious, and dream high. Now? Well, the only thing I have is myself. And although I learned to love myself after all this chaos, I'm still without guidance. I don't know what to do or how to feel. Work helps a bit, Gym helps a bit, but once I'm by myself everything falls apart, and I lose the feeling of everything.
Sorry for the long lecture <3 This is arguably the worst year of my life, and I'm just trying to survive. Could any of you please give me some guidance...? I just want to be myself or someone better by the end of this. | depression |
Dear friends, I need some help...
​
I am recently out of my own 20 year marriage, which I had filed for divorce as my wife was neglectful, spiteful, and abusive. However this post is not about me... (For context, I'm in my early 40's, she's in her late 30's.)
I started dating a woman a few months ago that I am absolutely in love with as she is with me. She told me early on that she has some history of sexual abuse (she was raped as a teenager by a neighbor), and the last relationships she has, she hasn't picked the best of companions. (From what she tells me, I am the first person whom in her entire life treats her with love, respect, and appreciation.)
She has a family history of addiction (alcohol, drugs), and she is a functioning alcoholic to help numb the pain of her past.
She also has bouts of panic attacks which are triggered by certain events. Events which are triggered by sexual actions. (Orgasming, etc.)
She's had mini panic attacks that last a few minutes in the past, and she's told me what I can do to help her through them. (Essentially hold her, talk to her in a calm voice.) However, recently the panic attacks have gotten really bad, to the point where she crawls into corners, screams and cries.
I love this woman more than life itself... What else can I do to help her? | ptsd |
Can someone develop a ptsd from a school failed(like he didn't pass a year? ).
2-can someone develop ptsd after a sin or when he breaks a moral low? Like the flashbacks of the experience and the shame , freezing when he hears about something similar, nightmare and stress a really great amount of stress.
Please be kind about,i don't know much about the topic. | ptsd |
I know it varies, but is there a general range that can be expected? Vyvanse is also pretty expensive (nowhere near as much as Desoxyn), but with coupons or insurance it's $30-$60. I can't find any consistent prices with Desoxyn - which is the same with Vyvanse but there's enough anecdotal stuff out there. | ADHD |
In class many of my teachers tell me I ask them too many question and it can feel annoying to them but I do it because I feel like I have to talk and move a bit due to my hyperactivity side also my friends say I am quite annoying and I feel like I can’t stop talking around them. My physics teacher sometimes tells me I can’t ask more questions that day and my mum also said I talk too much. how can I try to stop myself from being so talkative? | ADHD |
I'm never going to do or be anything I wish to, but not because I'm don't have opportunities, I do, but because I'm the problem, I'm not a good learner, I'll never be in a band, why? Because I struggle to play an instrument, and I have the worst vocal range ever. I'm never going to be in law enforcement or the military, or be a forest ranger, I'm an incompetent fool. I have no talents or skills, I will never be important, I will die and be forgotten and I will never amount to anything. I hate myself. | depression |
This is about gay sex but is probably relatable to sub / dom dynamics in any relationship. I hope this post is allowed.
I'm a gay man who is lucky enough to be quite vers. Being the dominant partner and delivering destruction to someone who wants it is something that I love. But topping with ADHD is *so* difficult. Anyone with a dick will know that your best work is done when you have focus and rhythm, and I've seen other posts here saying the same thing. I find it impossible to keep my mind from wandering down little rabbit holes (we should buy new pillowcases, maybe Thursday afternoon? etc etc), and lose my erection or the rhythm that my partner is enjoying. I have a healthy dose of dyspraxia so I'm not the most coordinated as it is.
But I've realised that not only does that mean bottoming is easier, it actually *enhances* it - especially with someone very dominant.
Ever enjoyed the sensory overload of being physically restrained and fucked so hard that you're genuinely not sure if you can stand it? Well here I'm being *cognitively* restrained too - my mind can't wander too far because the physical intensity of the experience brings me right back. I have little thoughts about those pillowcases etc only for them to be immediately drowned out by what's being done to me. It is a rare moment of complete and prolonged mental focus on an experience, overcoming my own lack of ability to centre myself.
I posted this wondering if anyone else has the same thoughts linking ADHD and sexual submissiveness. | ADHD |
I feel like sulking and laying in bed is the only thing that makes me happy. No matter what I do, I feel empty. Visit with loved ones who used to make me feel happy after? Empty. Go to work? Empty. Speak to anyone? Empty. Do chores? Empty. Watch/participate in my favorite events? Empty. Everything loses purpose. I wanted to believe that I will have a successful career but I know I won’t because everything I’m doing is pointless. I want to do my laundry but why? I’ll just have to do it again. I want to start a new tv series but why? I have to pay attention but I don’t feel like it. Wanting to talk to a loved one who I know cares about me? Nope, don’t want to burden them or make them think I’m not okay. I used to love playing video games with my friends, but I don’t anymore. Why? There’s no point. Same pointless conversations every night. I used to smoke weed because it made me laugh and enjoy things more, I don’t now. Why? Because it makes me overthink and hate what my world has become. I want to try dating again, but what’s the point? I’m either going to get hurt or have to let someone into my dark life and learn how to live with them, THEN be hurt. I want to be happy again, but what’s the point? Something is going to happen and take all of that away from me. I’d never consider harming myself, but I have epilepsy and hope everyday that I’ll naturally have a seizure and be at peace.
I have been prescribed the highest dose antidepressant my doctor said he could and they help, but the depressive thoughts control me.
I need help. I can’t live like this. | depression |
How did you overcome OCD what helped you how long did it took for you until your felt normal and what were mistakes you made on your journey to heal? | OCD |
I remember dropping my Starbucks cup and standing there frozen bc I felt so bad and I didn’t know what to do. I felt like if I went to the workers to tell them and ask for something to clean it up with I’d break down crying emotionally so I knew I couldn’t say anything bc if I expressed my emotions they’d be too much. So I just like stood there
I actually remember this same thing happening when I was like three in a Friends basement I broke her toy by accident and didn’t say anything. Bc I knew if I told her I’d be overly emotional and ball my eyes out | ADHD |
Hello everyone,
So very happy to have found this group, thank you for all the support! I was hoping someone is going through what I am or has in the past and can help advise me what to do.
I work in retail as a key holder and have been with the company for 3 years now. There is constant harassment on days off to go in and cover for people. The harassment triggers my PTSD. Even when I say politely no, I'm sorry I have other obligations like my therapy appointments or doctor appointments my boss and co-workers will not accept no for an answer.
They keep pushing and I feel forced to tell them why I cannot go in just so they leave my alone and still they ask again for me to come in and use guilt to try to get me to come in. I cannot afford to quit, but this is in no way a healthy work environment and my boss I have seen him act in a retaliatory manner to others. Can I go to HR or should I seek outside advice? | ptsd |
It was 5 AM. I woke up to smoke and crackling. The fire was bad enough to light up the room. My first thought was: this is a real fire. I got up and the fire alarm in the hall finally started. I got my kids out of their room. I told them it was a real emergency a real fire. They saw it through my door as I led them out. My Husband was right behind. I ringed the upstairs people doorbell twice as p called. I went back in the kitchen and grabbed my dog with a jacket (to keep her from running). When I came out again P was on the phone with 911. My neighbors came out. I didn't try to get my 4 cats cause I thought they would hide the farthest from the fire and be fine. I did mention them to my neighbor and again to firefighters as if they could do anything about it. But after the fire was put out I found out they ALL died of smoke inhalation. Two were only kittens. I am beyond beside myself with this. They were a HUGE deal in my life. The house is unlivable even upstairs. It is being investigated but the wire used for the AC is the main suspect right now. The AC made odd sounds sometimes. One of my cats chewed wires sometimes although I didn't sleep with cats much because they would wake me up too early. I had used the AC with the wire many times before without incident. There was nothing I can remember on top of the wire...there was a sweatshirt in a box nearby that I remember putting in the box not on the wire. Anyway my future is completely fucked. We're friends with the landlord. We had a good deal and it was a perfect situation. Now it looks like we're priced out of our town and whole area. If we had a fire equtinguisher maybe we could've kept it at bay and gotten out cats out. GET ONE! | depression |
Hello everyone. So I'm turning 22 in August, and for as long as I can remember I've always felt extremely anxious, stressed out, whatever you want to call it. I can't even remember the last time I've felt relaxed, at ease, or just not stressed/anxious. I've always had rituals, at first little ones, but as I was growing up it was getting bigger and bigger. I'm not the talking/sharing type so I've never talked about it with my mom or anyone else (and I'm, I guess, good at hiding it and reassuring my mom when she asks questions like "are you ok" and stuff like that), until like 1 year ago, when while I was joking around with my mom I joked about how I had to open and close and clenched the door of my car like a thousand times before being able to leave and then still having those stupid thoughts for the next hour.. she then took it seriously and talked about it with our doctor, who advised her to have me consult a neurological psychologue nearby that was pretty good. When my mom told me about that and that she wanted me to call to take an appointment my anxiety went up like fireworks, especially since I had to make a phone call which I was particularly uncomfortable with.. Anyway, I took an appointment, went to it, which was again very stressful. It must be around one year now since I started therapy. I first got diagnosed with OCD, we started working on that.. and man what a struggle.. my compulsions were mainly with doors, any type of doors that I had to locked down. For my car, I would lock it, clench 4-5 times, unluck it, open it, lock it, clench again and I could repeat that for 5 to 10 min.. then leaving with looking back at my car, with high anxiety level and thoughts like "what if it's not locked properly", "what if when I did it the last time I didn't check the right way" and it goes on and on, I'll spare you the rest. My biggest fear was that in the end, my car would be stolen and all the struggle that comes with that, there is other stuff but I won't get into details. So we kept working on it with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), I had other OCD, with my alarm for waking up, I would spend more than 10 min setting it before going to be, with the meds I was, and still take and I'll leave the rest like that. The therapy kept going until we got to the point where we started talking about my stress, my anxiety, which for me was the biggest problem.. I am always, and I'm not exaggerating, ALWAYS feeling stressed, anxious, even if I have nothing stressing me out, I'm stressed of the unknown things that might come up and put stress upon me. So while explaining, my therapist made me take some tests and I got diagnosed with GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder), which when she told me the symptoms were perfectly how I was feeling, I'll let you google that to know exactly what it is. We then started working on that, and like with OCD you have to expose yourself if you want to get better.. I just feel like I'll never get out of it, like now it's anchored in me.. I try exposing myself and it's so painful.. I feel like I don't sleep even tho I do sleep, but I'm so stressed about everything that I'm in good shape for the morning, and then I feel like my brain is going through a mixer for the rest of the day, I'm tired, I can't think properly or even read, I have to read multiple times to understand (don't even mention a book...). It's just exhausting, I know it's a long process and that it's only been 1 year, but it's just so painful. With that not being enough (apparently), I was, a little after, diagnosed with Social phobia.. I live in France, so I don't know if in other countries this exists too, but I work in a Prefecture in which there is, of course, a lot of people, and I have to be social but It's just so hard, every time my stress level is like 50/10 and I just can't focus on anything.. in late September I have a job interview to be tenured at my job and I'm already freaking out about it even tho it's in like 2 months.. Anyways, I don't know what I was searching for writing that. I just feel like I can't take it any more, I don't feel happy in my life, each day is just a battle to pass the day without any struggle or stressful event, I know this is avoidance and that's the opposite of what I should be doing, but I just can't take it anymore.. So yeah, kinda don't know what to do anymore.. Guess I'll just see where it goes.
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Sorry for this, kinda self pity post. I'm not really searching for reassurance or anything, just needed to get this out of my chest I guess.. like I said I don't talk about it with anyone except my therapist (not really the sharing type), and I don't want to burden my mom with that. I hope I'm not breaking any rules of this subreddit with this. So yeah, thank you if you read it all. Have a good day/night. | OCD |
I’m going through assessment for OCD.
I currently have Autism, Anxiety, Depression and I do wonder if intrusive thoughts can appear in these conditions or no, it’s just OCD?
Ie so I get thoughts about harming others, or them dying. When I don’t want that and it makes me feel disgusted.
I have posession thoughts
Guility thoughts
And I need to clean or i feel frustrated | OCD |
I’m at work rn just feeling a little sad hope you’re all doing good love y’all. I know life can be tough sometimes just keep pushing through no matter what k. Now keep going u beautiful human😭 | depression |
Hi all. About two weeks ago I started a new job as a barista in a coffee shop within a hospital. I had an embarassing hiccup my second or third day when I had a huge sensory overload breakdown over having to handle certain types of food (something that was not detailed in the job interview, I assumed I would only be making drinks). I talked to my boss and he said I can request accommodations, but he would need the info for it by the 1st of December. It was very short notice and I wasn't able to pull anything together in time. Fast forward to now - I've been checking the schedule all weekend waiting for something to show up, but I didn't seem to be put on any hours for the following week at all. I have texted my boss twice now asking politely why I'm not on the schedule, but he hasn't responded to that or any of my calls. I'm confused because everything at work seemed to be fine - if he had an issue with me, he had plenty of time to bring it up. Now I'm not sure what to do. Should I try to get in contact with someone else in a position of power in the company for an explanation? Part of me is wondering if my boss is just in a coma or something, haha. I already filed for unemployment today just in case (per the internet's advice) but I don't want to believe my job would just drop me and assume I'd get the hint. Any advice? | aspergers |
I'm having so much trouble with an exposure I did. I dont wanna discuss what it was but it feels like its destroying me. I dont know what to do and I need someone to help me. | OCD |
Well, it's not necissarily new, I just finally pinpointed what it is. It sounds ridiculous, but so does a lot of PTSD. One of my triggers is apparently people threatening to leave or just leaving for a while. Lets just say I found this last night and I've now spent hours trying not to have an anxiety attack(so I had a few small ones)... It's been a long 12 hours to say the least. | ptsd |
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