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So I’ve been obsessed with a romance-humor “shooter” puzzle fangame based on a very notable flash game series that I’m not gonna say the name of unless you want me to tell you. Basically you play as a male character and you have to shoot at certain angles with proper timing and bounce off walls to reach a female character to basically kiss her. It’s been getting more into me to the point where I’ve speedran it (I’m actually the first person to ever speedrun it), spend hours grinding for a higher score for the integrated leaderboards, reverse-engineer it, meme about it, and technically just have a huge enthusiasm behind it.
I have felt so ashamed and embarrassed of myself because of the game’s context and it’s just very weird and sort of cursed in general to the point where I sometimes experience self-hatred and I even start to question my own existence.
I’ll link you to an SRC or put the game name in the replies if you all are very curious on what it is. I promise there is nothing really bad into it. | aspergers |
My father was always unavailable. Partly because I believe he’s on the spectrum, but also because my mother is a narc and hard to deal with.
When they divorced she married the man she had an affair with, and the brutal hell began for me.
Long story short, he knew how bad it was for me and did nothing. He never tried to save me. He never showed up to punch moms husband in the face. He never protected me.
Over time, many issues developed due to this and many other things he did or didn’t do. So we went to therapy at my request. The therapist ended up suggesting we stop after 6 sessions...as it was just going to keep destroying me further.
My father is black and white, and brutally honest. Even when it’s horribly hurtful. It’s like he just doesn’t understand why the truth should hurt; my son is on the spectrum and they are a lick alike!
So the breaking moment was:
Me “would you have saved me, or came and got me if you truly understood like you do now, the life long dances and pain that monster caused me?”
Dad: “no”
Therapist: “but hypothetically, like if you could go back in time, which obviously we can’t, would you have done it differently?” (Tried to get him to lie because the lie of “yes” would have helped me so much more than the truth of “no”. And really, there’s no time machine, he’d never be held accountable to going back and changing things, so why not say YES???)
Dad: “no. Her mother would’ve made me go to court. And I would’ve had to figure out schools and stuff. So it would’ve been hard. You know, she already had all that where she was.”
I don’t remember the rest of that session with him. It’s blank. It’s like my brain shut me off when I realized that no matter what, he never loved me enough to keep me safe. To protect me. To not allow some monster to do the things he did to me for so many years. He became as bad as the monster and my mother (who also knew), for allowing it to continue and not ensuring my safety.
I’m numb to him now. My son adores him. Probably because they just get each other. I allow that relationship to grow and blossom. My son needs it. And it seems to make my father happy. I tend to avoid the get togethers, family functions and holidays with him. The interactions make me feel empty when it’s family related. If it’s just a quick visit or a visit with a purpose, I feel “ok”. But it’s not personal, or family specific then. So I guess I can tolerate him better.
Thanks for allowing the space to vent. | ptsd |
Hi folks,
I play older Irish folk songs on a plethora of instruments and I have always played the melody on any instrument to the words of a song I know.. this has lead to some tunes being more complicated or not than the general sheet provides.. (I can't read music)
I'm at a bit of a loss to describe all of the technical terms, but I'm hoping some of you out there might understand what I'm talking about.
I hear the words/melody to Mary Had A Little lamb, as an example of any old song, and play the notes on my instrument to fit it. sometimes, in the music I play, songs will speed up and slow down based on the lyrics and I play based on the lyrics, but above all, the feeling I get for how fast or slow something is sung.
I've been pretty successful with this, just for the record, but I've had band mates that have told me I should always stick to "time".
I feel like any song is like a conversation, and sometimes you pause or need to say something slowly to let the gravity of the words sink in.
Am I stupid or crazy? I like the way I play and I'll never stop, what I'm curious about is if anyone else out there adheres to the words for how a melody should flow and play and not to the concrete sheets.
Also!! I'm not playing dance music!! Just the kind of music where you Want to hear the lyrics, lol | aspergers |
Apparently the auto mod didn’t like my original post title- does anyone else suck at their job?
I’m terrible at it I know. I’ve been so depressed the past few months that everything is noticeably declining, and I screw up every day. I let people down and get absurdly anxious that they’re mad at me. It’s getting to the point where I’m in a really bad place. I feel like I’ve self sabotaged to a point of no return and the best thing to do is to leave and never come back. I’d really appreciate others’ stories of redemption if you’ve ever felt like this because this is the worst I’ve ever felt. | ADHD |
Hi I’ve had depression since I was 16. Over the past few months I’ve been eating healthy , exercising and trying to get enough sleep I’ve had a really positive mindset. This week I’ve been so depressed again. I’ve been in bed not even watching TV just lying there . I don’t wanna get up or do anything I just wanna sleep. I feel like I’ve fallen back into my old mindset . Any tips for making yourself feel better ? | depression |
Hi guys, 22M here, I'll try not to write a wall of text.
Really need help.
So my problems started in 2015, I was at the beach with some friends but when it was time to go to the bus stop to go home I realized I didn't have a ticket.
I panicked but luckily a lady gave me her ticket for free to get me back.
Once I got home I felt weird, as the nervous system was still tense for no real reason, in the evening I had to go out with friends, however after taking a shower I started to feel very sick. I started shaking, feeling nauseous, diarrhea and short of breath.
The next day my family and I thought about sunstroke ... But some time later, in situations far from home I began to feel this feeling "rise" again and I ended up arriving home exhausted and as soon as I entered symptoms appear: tremble, stomach pain diarrhea.
So I started convincinc myself I had a thumor at the stomach, I did a lot of medical examination but everything was fine.
After some time symptoms were subsiding.
Then some days after I turned 18 I felt other symptoms appearing: pain while masturbating, pain in my low back and abdomen so -> medical examination -> everything was fine, symptoms lasted some months then subsided.
Also with those urinary symptoms I got derealisation (never went away, just some days without) and I was feeling sick, I tought I had CFS or Fibromyalgia.
Again medical examination -> everything was fine.
Symptoms of fatigue started to subside during 2018.
Then after reading about "tinnitus" I started panicking about this condition, my hearing become hypersensitive, every sound was bothering me, expecially car's brake and metallic sounds.
Symptoms subsided in the summer while I was with friends... Some hypersensivity on certain sounds remained, sometimes subside when i'm happy sometimes come again when i'm alone and I overthink.
So in 2019 I become aware my problem was more mental then phisical so I started analitic psycotherapy wich was extremely expensive and didn't help at all.
At the end of 2020 I wasn't able to sleep for 1 month and I was thinking to have an extremely rare disease called Sporadic Fatal Insomnia wich obviously I didn't have...
So two motnhs ago I decided that maybe a psychiatrist could help.
I was diagnosed with GAD with some "obsessive traits about health conditions".
I was on Eutimil (paroxetine) 5mg for one week the 10mg, but on the third day of 10mg my genital were numbed... So I started reading about PSSD and panicking again, I call the doc, taper off the AD for 3 days then stopped. Genital symptoms are getting better but I still have less sensitivity on my glans.
So to check if my dick was working I basically trying to jerk of as much as possible.
One day after the ejaculation I started feeling pain on the tip and frequent urination problems.
So I read about CPPS and panicked again...
Now i'm convinced I have this condition and that I fucked up my whole life, and I feel hopeless and depressed.
Actually idk if it's my brain overfocussing on my dick or if there's a real condition appening down here, still have anxiety problem and derealisation.
I don't know no more what's real or what's not. I'm tired of this. | OCD |
I started yesterday after having been on Concerta for the last year and a half. I read people RAVING about this stuff on “Stuff that works” and here as well but I’m somewhat slightly disappointed lol
It has been a tad easier to go back to work rather than doom scrolling for hours and I’ve pretty much worked all day yesterday and felt what I assume a normal persons work day would be like. Minor distractions yes but yep gotta finish work….. and I did 😳
With Concerta I had weird side effects early on so I braced myself for the lack of appetite and dry mouth but nope. Nothing.
In the evening I went out and I felt like I could follow conversations…it’s weird. It’s such a small change but suddenly I feel like it should have always been like this.
I’m sorry for this neutral post…I guess it’s a rave but also I was ready for mad sweats and shit 🤣
Anyway onto day 3! | ADHD |
Idek how to start this thread. It started of with tinnitus last december after I lost a family member which made me look into schizophrenia. During this year (2021) the bond with my bestfriend also kinda faded which hurt me and made me overthink alot for months. After I had finally (kinda) beaten the urge to check every sound to know if im not going crazy. I randomly started having paranoid intrusive thoughts in october. I have had 2 panic attacks caused by these thoughts and alot of sleepless nights. 1-2 days even felt like I was living in a nightmare and something bad could happen 2 me any second. I never acted upon the thoughts tho untill this day. Right now I feel weird I feel kinda energetic even though I havent eaten and my eyes are wider open than normal, I have barely any emotions in me. My intrusive thoughts are on overdrive I think im actually going insane rn. My therapist said she thinks this is ocd combined with a major depression, I believe its either; paranoia, schizophrenia, or upcoming psychosis. Idk what to do anymore I dont feel like myself anymore and I literally feel like im going crazy my life sucks rn. I used to be so outgoing and like living life as much as I can but I feel like the old me is gone. Help me man
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PS: I suffer from nightmares everynight and when I wake up I have hypnopompic hallucinations | OCD |
I have OCD, of that I am sure, but something im not sure if it's and OCD thing or just a normal thing is my mind's tendency to really focus on a topic. For instance when i read about issues im passionate about i think about it literally the entire day. It's not in the OCD-anxiety inducing day ruining type of way. I just am constantly thinking about it in a pondering sort of way, and it's pretty much the only thing i find myself talking about. Anyone know if this is something that's OCD related or no? | OCD |
I can't even count how many times I've rewritten this at this point... I need to ask for help dealing with some fairly important issues but I always blank/freeze when I try to. This has been going on for a while now, to the point where even when talking to my therapist I'm avoiding the actual big issues cause I keep thinking I shouldn't trouble them... Do any of you have similar issues (blanking/freezing when trying to ask for help)? Any tips on how to manage it? | aspergers |
I dont know if I’m posting this on the right subreddit but oh well. I’ve been meaning to write this for a long time now. I’m a 19 year old male. I have depression, severe ocd, severe anxiety, paranoia, ADHD, and a learning disability. Plus i struggle with porn and masturbation addiction. I feel so lost and so empty. It all started I think back in 2017 when I got kicked out of middle school for a terrible mistake I made. Ever since then I’ve been so lonely and my depression has just gotten worse each year. My intrusive thoughts are killing me. My paranoia is really bad especially when I’m out in public. To make matters worse ive not had any friends since eighth grade. I have one lifelong friend and he moved 8 hours away in seventh grade so I see him once a year. We talk on the phone but he doesn’t understand me at all. And he’s the type of person that if I were to tell him my problems he’d think I was crazy. The thing that bothers me the most is I’ve never had a girlfriend. Never even held hands let alone kiss or had sex. I’ve attempted to get so many girls over social media and they all don’t even give me the time of day. I’ve tried getting girls in real life too and the outcomes are embarrassing. When the pandemic started I gained a fuckton of weight and am now 220 pounds. I eat my feelings away at night to an extreme. I graduated high school late. And don’t have any plans for college bc I’m not 100% of what I want to do with my life. I’ve never smoked weed bc I’m scared to buy it from someone Idk bc I obviously don’t know anyone. But I really want to try it. I’ve not experienced anything. I spent high school going to school and then staying in my room till I went to bed. No dances. No parties. Nothing. The only good thing about my life is I have an incredible family. I couldn’t ask for a better family. They do everything for me. But a lot of times it’s really hard for them to understand. I also love music and it’s gotten me through so much and I most likely want to do something in the music field. When it comes to suicide I just would never be able to do it bc of my family and what it would do to them. AndI believe in god so I’d like to think he’s got a plan for me. I stay up all night and wake up past 2pm. The thing that’s really nagging me right now is I have these phases where I’ll love something whether it be a show, an artist, a YouTube channel, etc. and it’ll bring me joy for 2 weeks tops and then it’ll just stop instantly and its one of the worst pains ever bc I literally have nothing to do and nothing brings me joy. I also can’t hold a job. I’ve quit four jobs in the past year due to anxiety. I know this post is very all over the place but I just need to vent and I need advice. I appreciate anyone who responds more than you know. I’m just really struggling rn. Hope everyone out there is doing ok💚 | depression |
is there a way to stop rereading things, or reading all the useless things on the front and back pages? anyone managed to overcome this issue? | OCD |
I was diagnosed with PTSD several weeks ago when I started seeing a trauma therapist. Since that time I’ve been trying to learn more about this condition, why it happened, and what to do.
Today, I was walking to a tram stop to meet with friends for, funnily enough, my birthday celebration. At the stop I saw a woman with her two children yelling at a person in a car, whom I found out later was her partner, who was filming her the whole time. The car drove off, and the woman asked me to call the police in a desperate way. I felt myself slipping into a shocked state immediately. I tried calling the police twice, the first time being unsuccessful as the woman spoke with the operator in this country’s native language. All the while, the car circled around the block and continued to film and harass the woman, who responded and at one point got into a physical altercation with her partner, who then drove off. I tried to tell him to go away beforehand, and he responded by telling me I knew nothing about the situation.
Eventually two other locals showed up and helped to get the police after the woman ran after a police car and after her partner pulled up next to her. I tried to console and distract the woman’s young son - her other child was in a stroller. In doing so, though, I had immediate flashbacks to the emotional neglect of my own childhood as well as the memory of seeing my father beat my mother. I tried to hold it together in the moment, but I became more and more shaken as time went by. I spent the whole time trying to focus on the young boy and saw myself in him, and I was giving him the attention that I never received as a child myself.
Eventually I broke down and could not let my emotions stay in later in the evening before meeting with my friends. I can’t help but think of that woman and her child from my own experiences and traumas, and there’s a great melancholy I feel in me from what I saw and what I remember. I don’t know if there are any answers now - I just wanted to get this off my chest, and thank you if you’ve read this. | ptsd |
i just want to forget few things and and my brain won't let me and i just hate it any tips | OCD |
Sometimes when I get triggered, I briefly lose my vision for a few seconds to a few minutes. I was wondering if this is common at all?
Like if I'm in a store and glass breaks or if I'm driving and someone almost hits me, I freaked out a little and get heart palpitations and have quick breathing problems with my vision going out.
Does anyone else experience this or have information on it? | ptsd |
Mine seem to have dropped near zero since the start of covid... I'm newly diagnosed with AHDH and probably an OCD and RSD , anyway, I was wondering what you guys libido looked like, in my teen years, from 13 to 21/22, I could just do that everyday, masturbating ang f* my gf. Now I don't even feel the need to masturbate. Like its been 2 week I didn't even touch myself or did something to my gf and I dont care. Actually I care a lot because it make me sad and sex is important for me but I dont feel the urge or the mood to do it. Sure if my gf start something I'll get in the mood, but it never come from me now and it make me sad ...
M27 concerta 36mg upgrade to 54 tomorrow | ADHD |
The vast majority of shit goes poorly for me. The only good news I have in the last 5 years or so is that I qualified for Disability. A nice consolation for 7 years of schooling, 5 years of working, multiple meltdowns and trips to the psychiatric ward. My life's work was essentially destroyed and I'm incapable of working at all now.
But that's not all. My social life is abysmal. I have no friends, no girlfriend, and no prospects. I'm also super sensitive to rejection and interpersonal interactions. I get upset for days over things that other people can brush aside. Despite a lifetime of work, my social skills are still horrible. Hell, I struggle to even make eye contact with people because of how intense and anxiety-provoking it is. No matter how much I practice, I still have the same reactions.
I'm hardly interested in anything these days. Nothing really gives me joy or pleasure. Old hobbies are dead. I can't focus, struggle to start anything new, and struggle to finish anything. Every day is pure misery. I have Depression and Anxiety to go along with my ASD. I crave intimacy, but can't get it.
Why can't I just opt out of this hellhole? There's no purpose to my existence. Things get objectively worse for me as the years pass. I've had enough. I tried as hard as I could, but failed time and time again. Living as a masked individual led to massive emotional breakdowns. Living as myself leads to failure and isolation.
I just want out. No more slogans or hopeful phrases. Just make it stop. Please. | aspergers |
I've officially gone completely no contact... it was so hard not wishing my little sister a happy birthday yesterday
My head hurts, it feels like it is going to explode. I feel dirty and guilty as I detox. But I know it was the right decision to cut off my siblings. They chose complicity and to support my abusive parents. They chose their own convenience and comfort, well now I have to choose mine.
It was really hard not saying happy birthday to my little sister yesterday. I have always thought the world of my sister who is 6 years younger than me (she is in her early 20's now). I protected and nurtured her as best as I could growing up. No, our relationship was not perfect as there was also abuse between us especially from me being older because we were pitted against each other from our pedophilic father who groomed both of us but sexually abused me.
Due to guilt for being abusive towards her and probably traumatizing my sister growing up, I excused my sister's scapegoating and her misplaced anger towards me instead of the real abusers. I thought I deserved it. I apologized to her about it a year ago and have changed. Not excusing my abuse, but it is time to let go of that guilt as I was doing what I needed to survive and did the best as I could as I was younger to love my sister.
But she is not a little girl anymore, and her behavior is toxic and getting in the way of my healing. She has acknowledged the abuse our parents did but she still treats me as the scapegoat. She did not help or support me when I had to temporarily move in with them then had to escape. Instead she supported my parents and put her anger on me even after she acknowledged the abuse had happened. It was heartbreaking to see she wasn't the little angelic sister I thought I knew. She was selfish and did not care or value me like I felt towards her. She cried and felt bad for my parents when I went no contact. Where was the integrity?
I get it, she is probably struggling to accept my parents for who they are and there is some Denial about our family trauma. But I am not going to wait for her to come around and be her punching bag. In fact, even if she does eventually come around, I don't think I will let her back in. I will have moved on. She was not there for me during the hardest time of my life but instead chose to blame me. I am even realizing throughout our childhood she did scapegoat me for the most part such as calling the police on me when my sociopathic mom and I fought. She supported and helped me here and there but mostly saw me as the bad one.
I was limited contact with my siblings for a year but now I am doing the real thing. Here comes the grieving. She is not the little girl I need to protect anymore, I have to protect myself from her now and let her go.
Any support and validation would be nice, thanks. Who else felt you deserved abuse from a sibling due to guilt of childhood abuse? | ptsd |
You know what did it? Sleep. Lots and lots of good quality sleep. I finally felt like a somewhat normal person today, not the crying mess I usually am. I just had to share this small victory with everyone. I have severe depression and have been struggling hugely with guilt and grief lately. It has been awful.... If you're struggling too I hope you had a decent mental health day too. | depression |
A few weeks ago, I started my “new job” (got a promotion) and have been really struggling. Due to my workplace not hiring a replacement for me in advance, I’ve been having to juggle both my old job and my new job; in addition to this, my boss has been out the past week due to illness, so I’ve been having to do her job as well.
As a result of being overwhelmed because of all of this, I’ve been making a lot of really stupid mistakes.
I already struggle with OCD in several aspects of my life and I think I’m starting to develop some sort of “new OCD” because of my recent mistakes. I’ve been so terrified of making detrimental mistakes that I’ve been getting to work an hour early and staying two hours late to compulsively check my work. That’s three hours of unpaid time a day. I have done this almost everyday for a week and a half. I’m exhausted. I’m starting to lose sleep over worrying about this shit I have very little actual control over. I’m getting burnt out already and would really prefer not to have another huge mental breakdown and spiral back into a depressive state.
How can I escape this before it turns into another demon? Do you guys have any specific tips for this situation? | OCD |
What are you thoughts on the "neurotypical" label?
I was sitting around, thinking about it, and realized that I don't like it. It seems like a broad generalization to assume a person is nuerotypical because they don't outwardly present anxiety, depression, autism, etc. You have no idea what issues the person might be dealing with and simply assuming is bad.
IDK. Maybe I misunderstood the label or missed something. I've only met maybe 2 people that I'd consider nuerotypical. They had very bubbly, outgoing personalities, but again, I was assuming. They could have had other issues I was completely unaware about... Didn't know either person very well. | aspergers |
Imma go to a mental hospital in a few days have you ever tried it i am going because Im suicidal what things should be aware of and some advice do you have? | depression |
I am a British citizen however I spend a great deal of time in Canada with my partner. Friends of hers recommended a private clinic over here to get an assessment done however my concern is that any diagnosis done elsewhere will carry little weight back home in the UK if any prescription for medicine was involved.
My partner is encouraging me to go while I am here in Canada but I feel that if I would have to pay to be assessed in the UK afterwards then I should just do the assessment process in the UK. Does anyone have any advice or experience with this? | ADHD |
This is super personal to me, to be honest I was trying to make a new account to separate myself from it but Reddit isn't working on that front (on mobile at least).
When I go to the restroom I have to do certain things before I can even sit down. It also changes based on if its night or day.
I have to: Turn the light on with my elbow and lock the door at roughly the same time, using my shirt as a buffer between the lock and the door (i also use my elbow to open the door and the shirt technique to close it). Then I have to check behind the shower curtain, sweep my right arm through it, and a new thing has been added where I hide a soap because it has 'Apollo' written on it and I keep catching myself reading it and freaking out. I then wash my hands (this is less often now) and then go to the toilet, grab some toilet roll, lift up both the lid and the seat, check it, put the seat down, and the wipe it over. All with one hand shielded with toilet roll. I then can't sit down until I feel like I've dismissed any Deities I disturbed, which I have to do by repeating two sayings(three at night) until feel confident enough to say the third. Even then when I sit down I have to redo part of it just to make sure.
Its a lot to do, especially for someone who often forgets they need to pee until they get aggressive tics-
So unfortunately I end up pissing myself a bit. At first I was so freaked out I almost started to cry, I looked up all sorts of things convinced I was ill. (It started after school where I would hold it for eight hours until I got home). It happened a few times. Then I stopped for a bit. But recently as my OCD had been getting worse it seems, so has that.
It sucks too because my family are only accepting of my OCD when it mimics what is shown in media (my hand washing, hand sanitiser, disinfectant wipes) and even then they get upset if I need to change my clothes or I cry because I'm overwhelmed by people touching me and my things.
So I can't really tell anyone about it. If I tell them, they would likely be disgusted. And I am too- It makes me feel so gross and overwhelmed. We are living in a 2 bed with 7 people, the room my clothes are in is not the room I sleep in, so I can't even get a change of underwear when it happens at night. It makes me feel so gross, and I just want to be able to change and possibly shower. But with that the best I can do is dry the patch (I don't fully piss myself, just a patch mostly) to the best of my abilities and then put in a liner or something to separate myself from it.
I just hate it. Its one of the things no one really sees, they just think I'm in the bathroom for 20 minutes on my phone when its really a battle with myself just to take a piss. | OCD |
I know this is probably really weird but growing up I had this image in my head from tv and shit about what ptsd looked like. It looked like the cool emotionally shut off guy who had seen some shit, it looked like the badass who had killed alot of bad guys, it even looked like the hero firefighter or emt who ran into save people. It never looked like breaking down crying for no apparent reason, it never looked like waking up panting with your heart pounding at 3 am unsure if you're really there or back somewhere, it never looked like feeling powerless and constantly wondering why you got to live.
Maybe it's just me and maybe i'm wrong but now that i'm here and I've had to struggle so hard these past years i can't help but feel lied to. There's nothing cool about this, there's only pain and rage and fear and sadness and all these things I can't understand and can't fix and it drives me up a wall. I don't really know what else to say honestly.
Edit: I went back to sleep after orginally posting this and have now woken up to almost 50 upvotes. Thanks for the support, it's good knowing i'm not alone on this. To an extent i really thought i was crazy because it does sound weird to suggest the media tries to make trauma look cool. Thx folks | ptsd |
Asd
Anxiety
Injury
Covid situation
All working tty defeat me
Who's having a better or worse month? | aspergers |
Edit: picky *eater*
I was diagnosed at the approximate age of 30, I'm 36 now. I've been a picky eater my whole life, and I'm told it's related to aspergers.
How can I get over this hurdle? Are there other picy ppl here? How have you (and your families) dealt with food issues.
Help. My wife hates this side of me. | aspergers |
I would like to take with a therapist about this but can‘t afford one at the moment.
Do you find yourself having problems making career decisions?
I feel like I want to do everything at once I can‘t stuck with plans.
In the Morning I want to be a musician in the afternoon programmer and in the morning something else.
Do you experience those sort of things?
Have you any tips how to solve it? | ADHD |
since the pandemic I've slowly distant myself from everyone. i felt I've nothing good to show/prove for what I've done for myself. i assume they're doing much better than me even if they themselves are suffering.
there are days i thought of reaching out to them just to know how they're doing. they've probably moved on, but i thought I should spare my small amount of energy to reconnect while I feel like doing something. | depression |
I was doing okay, then I had a few drinks, now my brain has launched me into a depression. I need to just not drink ever again, cause even one drink messes me up especially now being on meds.
I just wish someone could tell me everything will be okay and I’d believe it. I feel so sad. | depression |
I can't do this anymore. I try, and I try, and I try, but I'm not good enough, and I'll never be good enough. I don't deserve my life. I don't deserve the people who support me. I'm sorry to everyone, I'm sorry I'm a useless leech, I'm sorry I'm a drain on everyone. | aspergers |
I have really bad contamination ocd. So constant hand washing is just part of my ocd and it has absolutely destroyed my hands. My hands are super red all the time, and small cuts form from the dryness. I feel super insecure about showing my hands in public because I think people will think I have some kind of rash or something like that, and it also just looks super bad. Especially at school when I’m sitting in a class with other students, they can see my red hands while I’m writing, using my laptop, it really sucks. I use lotion but it doesn’t help because my ocd will tell me I touched something contaminated and ill have to wash it off. But I have my second meeting to get help tomorrow which I’m nervous about. Anybody else have a problem with red hands, just want to have someone to relate too, lol. | OCD |
Does anyone else tend to visualise their thoughts (akin to a flash image) and then get confused between what they actually saw and what the brain conjured up/imagined?
This happens to me a lot, across all sorts of themes and the doubt is sufficient to lead to unhelpful checking behaviours.
Often images appear as words on a page or screen and I can end up searching for a physical note or words on a webpage that I inevitably never find. Or it can happen out and about with something like blood or a syringe on the floor.
I’ve recently realised just how much my OCD has led me to distrust my senses over the years, and get caught up in my imagination. For anyone experiencing the same, look into [Inferential Confusion](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/8051054_Inferential_confusion_in_obsessive-compulsive_disorder_The_Inferential_Confusion_Questionnaire), a lot has been written about it in recent years, though unfortunately most is behind a paywall. | OCD |
From around 5 years old I always have felt that if I just let ocd go that life would feel great for some reason. Though even at 20 I still can't let this nasty illness go. Does anyone know how normal people think/feel | OCD |
I recently came across and a news article ([Newly Prescribed ADHD Medications May Cause Psychosis Study Finds](https://www.nbcnews.com/health/kids-health/common-adhd-medications-may-cause-psychosis-study-finds-n985616)) that stated that vyvanse can cause psychosis resulting in hearing auditory hallucinations.
I have been on Vyvanse for almost a year now, it was the first thing prescribed for me when I finally got diagnosed with ADHD. One of my problems before my vyvanse prescription were panic attacks so bad that it was crippling. I could have panic attacks up to 4 times a day. Another one of the things that mostly went away was the intrusive thoughts/voices in my head. I typically eat meat but there will be times where I open the fridge to get food and I had a 'voice' tell me awful things. To the point where I would have to change my entire diet for months until it faded. After starting vyvanse the crippling panic attacks have mostly gone away, with maybe one every few months. The head voice has gotten much more reasonable, if it starts up I can simply reply 'we're not doing this right now' and if it continues I repeat that statement again until it leaves me alone. I have medical professionals who work with me and there hasn't been any concern by them that I have schizophrenia. I do have PTSD though.
I was curious if anyone else had experienced this same relief from their ADHD medication? I found it odd that I actually got better from the same symptoms that it's suggested to cause.
(In reference to eating the meat. If anyone has any strong opinions on that please don't tell me the voice in my head is right and I should feel bad. I've struggled with it enough and I'm using this as a softer example of the head voice. If you find it shocking that consuming another being is a softer example imagine how I feel.)
TL;DR
Vyvanse study is said to cause anxiety and auditory hallucinations. I had both these things before taking vyvanse and it got better from taking it. Does anyone have a similar experience? | ADHD |
I feel like such a liar. I sold myself as an organized individual at my job interview for my current job because I was “getting organized” at the time. It didn’t take long for them to find out the truth—I live in a state of constant frazzledness & forgetfulness, never quite being able to keep up or keep things where they belong. Medication has helped significantly to reduce the stress overload, but I don’t know if I’ll ever fully “get organized.” | ADHD |
As the title says. I hate everything. I get no joy from anything and all I do is complain and I cant stop feeling like this. I was in therapy and they asked what I like doing, what gives me joy. And honestly nothing does. They even suggested small things like videogames or going for a drive and the more i think about it. I hate everything I used to like. I do things. Like game or whatever but the whole time I feel like im suffering. I feel like anytime I try to enjoy something and be happy. I get fucked in some way shape or form. To the point where I just say fuck it and just stop caring about whatever it is. I kinda just exist day to day waiting to die cause I'm too big of a pussy to just kill myself. I'm tired of feeling this way. None of the therapy has helped me at all in however many years ive gone. I'm tired of hearing them repeat the same shit over and over. This isnt working for me and I dont know what to do Any more. I just sit at home and smoke pot trying to just fog my brain till the next day and do it all over again. What can I do please help | depression |
Recently I’ve been having obsessions over doing hard drugs. I’m not a person who has ever done any drugs at all for the most part, I even try to avoid alcohol because I don’t enjoy drunkenness. But for some reason, whenever I read about Heroin or something, I get intrusive thoughts about how Heroin might be fun, or I should try it, and things along those lines. Things I obviously don’t believe, as is the case with most intrusive thoughts, but I can’t stop thinking that it’s something I need to try or something. Anyone with anything similar? | OCD |
Does anyone else get this? Just saw a TV show that had a location I visited with friends on a trip. I was both excited and sad to visit that location because it was my last cool thing I was doing in that city before I left and wasn't coming back whereas my friends were all still gonna be in that city. I was really depressed about leaving (visa expired) and went a bit overboard with wanting photos and stuff and my phone camera was broken so I asked if they'd be alright using theirs. I pushed it too far and they got upset with me and I apologized profusely, but on top of that I had a bad fall that week (hurt myself a little), had trouble with my landlord when checking out/ending my lease, had my flight change last minute, and had a COVID scare that I forgot to tell my friend who was hosting me about so she was then pissed I didn't tell her I might have been in contact with a case (spoiler alert, I wasn't exposed, it was just a scare and my friend tested negative). But basically in the span of 2 days I had all my friends mad at me and I was also leaving a city I love permanently against my will and my trip I put together felt tainted and apparently still does when I look back on it, as now when I see that location in the show, nearly a year later, I immediately get anxious allll over again. I made up with my friends. I apologized profusely and explained that I was acting weird due to some depression over leaving and I was frazzled with trying to do a last minute trip while also packing up and all that entails. They forgave me. So why do I still feel like shit over it?? Like now all I can do is wonder if they still hold that against me secretly nearly a year later and talk about it behind my back and wondering if they think I'm a childish, selfish drama queen. It's crazy how I made it through all of grad school coming off as mature and put together only to fall apart at the end and taint my reputation forever. | depression |
He committed suicide in our house. When I found him, he was in rigor mortis, his eyes were open and lifeless. I called 9-1-1. They wouldn't listen that he was dead and instructed me to do CPR. They told me to remove the pillow from behind his head. I did and it was stiff. I felt for his carotid pulse and he was cold. They asked me to lower him onto the floor. He was too heavy because he is bigger than me. I told them again that he is dead. I have PTSD now. I felt my girlfriend's face today and it was cold and I had a flashback. My cat fell asleep belly-up with his eyes open today, and I had another flashback. I have a lot of associated anger, and I want to scream at someone, but I haven't. I'm getting a therapist appointment. I had to share here. Any advice on making this better is appreciated. | ptsd |
I believe I have inattentive ADHD, and decided to try and get it diagnosed. To do this, I went into my local GP and talked to my doctor.
Through the discussion, we talked about growing up and how I basically live, can't remember the conversation very well. One point he brought up, and seemed to be the determining factor for him, was the fact that I haven't been to the hospital for breaking a bone from doing reckless things. He told me that people with ADHD are "often injuring themselves and being sent to hospital." This is straight up bullshit.
He also told me that the symptoms I am experiencing are probably due to depression/anxiety, however I haven't had those my entire life. I have had ADHD symptoms for many many years.
I really want a diagnosis, and this hasn't helped me at all. I just want to be able to function properly in life, and currently I can't do that. I want to get a better job, but my brain just doesn't want me to apply myself. I want to clean my room, but I just can't get myself to.
I really need help. Any suggestions are appreciated. | ADHD |
Sitting at work and shaking like a leaf right now. It is approaching the anniversary of a traumatic event in my life, and this period is filled with more dread and anxiety and self-loathing than usual. It’s hard to remember that I can survive through it. Funny that dealing with the PTSD feels worse than dealing with the actual physical injuries. | ptsd |
I feel like counseling isn’t working because I can’t let myself feel anything. My therapist keeps telling me to be patient with myself, and I get that, but I want to feel. Anyone have any words of advice? Tips and tricks? Please. I need healing in my life. | ptsd |
I was diagnosed with OCD as a kid, and I see some issues with it occasionally, but usually it's pretty minor. My main issue is usually with picking hairs, mostly on my arms, chest, and ears. I find hairs that feel or look out of place for whatever reason, and I just need to remove them. I've never seriously hurt myself, but I have made myself bleed multiple times. Is this normal, and does anyone have any advice for dealing with this and trying to reduce the habit? | OCD |
This week I’ve been dedicated to sleeping until my body wants to wake up, kind self talk and guided meditations. Today I actually put on my running stuff and went out. It was good.
I really think these guided meditations, actually all of it is really done me the world of good. Whatever is working please let it keep working.
Today was a good day, thank you. | ptsd |
Last week, a grease fire occurred at my home which involved an explosion of fire and me witnessing my boyfriend be set on fire leaving pretty bad burns on his arms and legs.
I was unharmed.
Since then, I have been feeling intense guilt about the entire situation and have been struggling to sleep due to nightmares about the event. I can barely focus at college because it’s all I can think about.
I have suffered from anxiety and depression in the past, and my family (both sides) have a history of mental health issues.
Is this normal after a traumatic event or is it PTSD? | ptsd |
hi! i've never been diagnosed with ptsd but i've had suspicions about c-ptsd for years through a variety of traumatic childhood events and bad relationships. but i think there is one event that is giving me more traditional ptsd symptoms. i am in therapy but can only afford a session once a month, so i'm currently just looking for tips to manage this.
about 3 years ago i went through a traumatic experience whilst high that left me in a state of absolute despair and disconnect from the world for months afterwards. disassociation, vomiting, shaking, insomnia, it was a lot for me (i was also 16 at the time and didn't know where to access help).
essentially, i have mostly got through this. people who are high make me uncomfortable and sometimes i get paranoid taking paracetamol in case it's 'spiked,' but in general i'm back to normal. however, occasionally i get what i can only describe as emotional flashbacks. i feel all the blinding fear all over again and am convinced it will never go away. of course it always does, but i never know what to do in the moment.
does anyone have any advice as to how to talk to myself in the middle of one of these episodes in order to look after myself and/or talk myself down? | ptsd |
How do you deal with it? Do you struggle to do basic stuff like ring a doctor because you’re terrified of having to go through something again? My strategy was avoid and therapy, hasn’t worked out great. I had a few health things (small and ended up fine) that I had panic attacks over and my therapy doesn’t run over the summer since it’s a charity, because I can’t force myself into a medical place for it. I thought I’d be able to avoid triggers but they’re literally everywhere, and I’m getting sick of trying to explain, because I’m under 21 and haven’t been in the army or something so I get a lot of looks and further questions that really don’t help. | ptsd |
Either depressed and empty or anxiety filled with ocd.
When depressed wish only I was ocd when I feel more OCD I just wish I was only depressed.
Even on meds....
DAE relate | OCD |
I've been sick for many years. But I'm now seeing my memories of a recent experience-- I guess it could be called trauma. I've had other kinds of trauma in medical settings but this is unlike anything else snd I'm having a difficult time.
Any insight would be appreciated.
I recently went in the hospital due to a bowel obstruction. They are one of the absolute most painful things to endure and there isn't much that helps besides unconsciousness.
After 4 days they said I needed surgery. I had a bowel resection. I spent 28 days in the hospital, and a month later I am still unable to take care of myself. (Shout out to all those Home Health Care people!)
I've been waking up with my heart pounding, sweating and all I can see, hear, smell, and breathe is being back in that hospital bed screaming as loud as I can because the pain is so intense.
I will then be back where I was telling someone that I was dying. Just saying those words out loud to them and also believe by every fiber of my being that I am dying. I was so very sick, infections, fever etc.
That's all I relate about it now except this doesn't feel like the other traumas I've had. I don't know how to deal with this. I'm on antidepressants and seeing a therapist but I don't know how to deal with this. It's just so real and it will not stop.
Any help here? | ptsd |
Sometimes when just sitting and trying to meditate, I would feel a bodily sensation in the middle of the collarbone area, for example. If I try to notice it and sit with it until it goes away, it gets more intense. Then I start to feel fear: "what if this is some disease or cancer growing in me?" "what if this is something bad?" "what if this is some other dimensional being strangling me?". I would alleviate the feeling of this by just touching the area, then I would feel better. But what the hell is this feeling?
I have a very strong imagination and am sensitive. And here, I can powerfully imagine something bad happening, and I physically feel like I'm starting to suffocate because of it, or something drilling into my chest or something else uncontrollable happening to me. I can imagine it so vividly out of fear that I'm actually starting to feel those bodily sensations more intensely and I'm afraid I could unwillingly manifest some bad disease or cancer or something bad.
I would even fear that something even worse will happen if I try to suppress this feeling and because of that a vessel in my brain would pop or something. (I have had an experience before, when I suppressed anger, and I had a very bad migraine after that).
I'm not 100% sure whether this is OCD, but it sure feels like so, and it feels familiar to some of my childhood experiences.
Does anybody relate? What exactly is this called? | OCD |
Hi, I (20F) am new to Reddit and have joined just to make this post, so I apologize if I mess up at all. I have recently begun seeing a therapist for anxiety/OCD symptoms (intrusive thoughts, confession OCD) and have just finished my first week of Prozac (10mg, going up to 20mg tomorrow). Over the past few days I've been experiencing what I think are called "mind pops", essentially where random words, images and phrases will come into my head completely out of nowhere. They are quite distressing because they're unwanted, and I am worried it may be a symptom of schizophrenia. There is limited research on mind pops but it seems to be widely regarded that they're very common in schizophrenia sufferers, but since I already have OCD I was wondering if it could possibly just be a symptom of OCD.
It would be really helpful if someone could get back to me on their thoughts, while I recognize you are not doctors or psychiatrists, sometimes it helps to hear from people who are experiencing similar things to me.
Thank you so much | OCD |
I recently got diagnosed with PTSD and some other things, I have since learned what my triggers are and ways to avoid and or help me settle down after therapy meetings.
I have told my parents and my love interest (it's in the works) but I haven't told my friends...
My friends set off some of my triggers sometimes like yelling and stuff and than I panic, they always ask if I'm fine and i always just end up leaving and going home... they are good understanding people but I just feel awkward telling my group of buddies about my issues and how they can help..
If anyone has any advice on how to tell them how to build up the courage please do let me know. | ptsd |
22F. I quit college. Quit being a vegetarian after 5 years. I have 0 friends in real life (only 1 online friend currently who is now leaving me on read), no partner and live with abusive family that hates me. I work 2 days a week (can barely handle it due to my anxiety and major depression) and my co-worker is nasty to me a lot then acts nice sometimes but it feels fake so I cannot trust her at all. Her and my boss keep asking me about college and when I'll be done. I've been lying saying I'm still in college when I'm not. It's like they keep asking because they want me gone (I work an office job).
I am absolutely miserable. I wish I had just one person in real life I can trust just to escape this hellhouse. I'm thinking about doing some hardcore street drugs to knock me out and give me euphoria, hopefully OD on too. Alcohol doesn't work anymore and weed gives me too much paranoia anymore.
I am nobody in life and no one will miss me. It's funny how people say to not off yourself because your "loved ones will miss you." I have no one so that won't be a problem haha. | depression |
I'm not sure if this a product of PTSD but for a long time I have not been able to picture a future where I grow old. When I was a 14 I never thought I would make it to 18, at 19 I never thought I'd see myself become 24. Now I'm 24 and I can't seem to picture who I'll be when I'm 30. Does anyone else have this kind of thought process about themselves? Any advice or tips are appreciated, thank you! | ptsd |
Long story short, I have been depressed for a few hears now.
Since summer-ish, I have had trouble sleeping, and have been given very strong prescription drugs for it.
I usually fall asleep for a few hours of lying in bed, or 10 ish minutes after taking the sleeping pill. On rare cases I pull an all nighter and sleep well the next night.
Since last week I've hardly slept. I've had two full night sleeps, and for 3 last nights I've slept overall for 6-7 hours of bad sleep. And the worst of it is? The sleeping pill makes me dizzy and sleepy but i don't fall asleep. I just lay there with my head spinning. I thought nothing of it at first, it was the first time the pill didn't work.
So last night i went to bed early because i was dead tired. Instantly my head started filling with anxiety inducing thoughts and I was wide awake, so after 30 minutes I pop a sleeping pill (Which are only to be used at max 1 at a time and not regularly, which are rules i have abided by) and I go back to bed. I had taken a pill a few nights before, so I was getting frustrated, because I needed to use another one so early after the last one.
I rolled in my bed for hours. I was a bit dizzy but not even close to falling asleep. I cried. I was so tired. Past few nights I've been so depressed I even planned for my suicide, and what I would write in my notes. And by god was I tired.
I hit myself in the back of my head to make myself sleep. I see now that I was clearly 'high' on the sleeping pill but then i was just angry, sad, frustrated and a wee bit suicidal.
"Fuck this" I turned the lights on, and took 3 more sleeping pills. I don't know what I was thinking, but i grabbed a handful of my antidepressant pills and showed them in my mouth, swallowing as many as I could, and threw the rest "the hell away from me". I screamed at myself to go to sleep and pushed my face to the pillow.
Next thing I remember is waking up while it was still dark. EVERYTHING was spinning and I felt scared. Every shadowy figure in my room looked like a tall person coming at me, and when I closed my eyes, I could still see everything spinning. I felt horrible and prepared to throw up or die. Or throw up and die. I just felt bad that my apartment was messy when I died.
Yeah but I didn't die. I woke up a dozen more times to me drooling on my pillow and smearing it on my face. At last I woke up, and felt horrible. Every breath felt like I was preparing to vomit, I felt dizzy, my stomach ached, but nothing worse than that. I still am kinda dizzy and feel ill but I'm ok.
I'm sure 99% of you have had worse experiences than this, but still I wanted to write this down. I just want to fucking sleep. | depression |
Do you think ADHD is over diagnosed now, or under diagnosed 30 years ago? Keep in mind that apparently 1 in 3 college students have taken Adderall. This seems quite high to me, but maybe it is necessary. Idk I was just looking to get some input from you guys, particularly people aged 30+ who lived in that time. | ADHD |
My brain is constant noise, nothing subsides it. It's like there's 12 things going on at once. 5 songs playing at the same time. And everything and I mean everything causes something else to be thought of. It causes me a headache, particularly while at work where I actively have to repress it to give myself the vague chance of being able to concentrate lol. And when I come back from work it's like I've been repressing a tsunami and it all comes out. It's really hard to focus on what the thoughts even are sometimes but here's a snippet of my thought "process".
I have 3 songs in my head when I wake up. Some of the lyrics will sound like dialogue to a TV show or I'll have flashbacks to scenarios where I've heard the songs before. Then something absolutely random will pop into my head and I have to work backwards to where I even got such a out of nowhere thought and it'll turn out that I actually thought of 10 things before the "random thought" came to my brain.
How do you even stop this without meds (I don't take any meds rn)? Is there even any use for this? It's like my brain's wired but also in pain. | ADHD |
So I’m 20F and recently got diagnosed with ADHD and the doctor started me off on Guanfacine 1 mg since he said I cant jump onto stimulants. I’ve been taking the medication for about 2 weeks now and I feel like it’s making my symptoms worse? I take the medication at night and it helps me get a good sleep but during the day my brain is so foggy and I’ve been more forgetful of things when I’m usually not THAT forgetful. And I’m in college so its coming up to be finals week and I’m having more difficulty concentrating. Not sure if its all placebo and all in my head or its really the medication. Anyone else have this experience? | ADHD |
In January, I attempted suicide. I could not cope with the depressive symptoms any longer. But, alas, I’m here writing this today.
I’ve been hugely struggling with building a stronger sense of self, considering that depression can drastically alter your ability to know what’s YOU talking and not that darned mental illness.
I’ve heard of references to the inner child, and now I’m starting to hear her shine through more. She’s hurt... so I want to tune her out again (even though I know I shouldn’t). Meds have allowed me to at least leave the bed and slowly pick myself back up to a functioning level.
However, now I’m like *but who am I!? Why bother with anything?* Everything I thought I knew about myself has been disproven, and through therapy I’ve unearthed my true (and painful) motivations for my day-to-day life. For example, I’ve always been an incredibly studious and hard-working individual, but now I know that I subconsciously do it to seek the validation I didn’t receive in my childhood I feel lost.
The thing that cemented the existential dread was becoming aware of the rigidity of capitalism, the inequality that exists, the seeming inevitability of climate change, terrorism, continued suffering. All which we as individuals have little control over and it’s totally overwhelming. Although people argue you can use your suffering to create meaning, I’m tired of it.
I wish I could find some direction again, and would love to hear people’s thoughts and experiences on this
PS I promise you (yes, you), that your depressive symptoms will alleviate, irrespective of how long it takes🤍 | depression |
Life became meaningless for me, since i understood, there wont be any relationship between us. Went to therapist to achive my happyness but after 5 time it came back. One day at a party i lost my good mood, my friends saw me depressed and gave me hug. But there hug didn't heal my wounds. | depression |
I see no huge research on this and I’m just confused. | ptsd |
To preface: I got diagnosed with adult ADHD 2 months ago, and have never taken medication for it prior. So, my doctor started me off on Bupropion (Wellbutrin) as an off-label prescription for ADHD initially. I took it for a month and found it did not help at all. The next month he prescribed me Atomoxetine (Strattera) and I feel the same as before. I notice that my hunger is practically gone, but I am still very impulsive and fidget a lot. He’s wary of prescribing a stimulant like Dexedrine or Adderall, it seems he has a bias against it. I assume that’s why he has tried with these two drugs already. I have never tried adderall or the other stimulants I see in this subreddit. I go to see him next week. From what I have read here, it seems that stimulants are the most effective at treating ADHD. What should I say to my doctor to try and get prescribed a stimulant? I feel like his bias is preventing me from proper treatment. | ADHD |
We went to see the local city "Christmas Light Tour" and ended up sitting in line for 3 hours just to drive our car through the park for 20 minutes. During the long agonizing wait, sniffing car fumes, we got on the topic of waiting in line for rollercoasters.
I told my wife, I never enjoyed going to Six Flags (or other parks) because it didn't make sense to me to trade 3 hours of my life for a 45 second rollercoaster ride. It's not that I don't like rollercoasters, and I get that they provide a feeling that's not easily reproduced, however the cost benefit never made sense to me.
3 hrs = 180 min = 10,800 seconds -> 10,800s / 45s = 240s = 4 minutes
You're trading 4 minutes of your life for every 1 second on the rollercoaster ride. It boggles my mind. To each their own, no judgements and all of that. Just saying I don't really understand the headspace for when folks make this decision to stand in line, often on a hot summer day.
I'm also not saying don't go ride a rollercoaster. I've enjoyed many in my life. However, I often target days during the week, or when it's cloudy, when crowds are at a low. I stand in line for all of 10-20 minutes. Some rides have no line and I can just stay on and ride it multiple times in a row. But I've yet to ride one single ride that's worth 3 hours of waiting in line. /shrug
What's the thought process here? | aspergers |
1. I'm out of routine. I'm on a week off from work. So I'm not forcing my self to eat while I'm having my forced lunch break.
2. Currently on 40mg of Elvanse during my trial of Meds.
This mornings breakfast and coffee before my medication was difficult as it is. I made it, I was just more hyperfocused on my phone research stuff. I got up and made it, just it was a general struggle to actually eat it. Even drinking the coffee was difficult.
It's now been two hours since my belly started rumbling and ive been stuck since. Mostly deciding on what to eat. Probably the instant noodles though. I also got to eat something within the hour, before I go for a walk into town.
My nurse practitioner has said that he's worried about too much weight I'm losing. (Great for me as I need to lose the weight, but I didn't want it too drop rapidly. He's suggested having high calorie snacks to help during the day.
If anyone does no of any good cheap high calorie snacks (I don't like nuts) very appreciated. (UK based)
As well as instant lunch and dinner meals. (Microwave or hot water only) sorta getting bored of the same things over and again. Making it difficult when shopping, and deciding. | ADHD |
I had stopped for a while, but i noticed that the moments i generally do it are when im either extremely stressed or not fully conscious due to sleeping pills. I haven't mentioned this to anyone, i don't know what to do to be honest.
I thought i was over it but today my foot looks like it was scribbled on with red pen. Its almost summer here too, so explaining those is gonna be complicated...
I hate this feeling. Im 22 already, i should be able to get my shit together, why can't i?
Does anyone else understand this? I don't actually want to hurt myself, but i do nonetheless, and somehow feel relieved when i do.
Please help | depression |
So my father was abusive and negligent from damn near the day I was born. He was extremely manipulative and scary, but never layed a hand on us until I was 10(?), when he almost killed my mom. She now remains toothless, but overall just happy our life hasn't been too hard lately. Not only was he abusive, be he was negligent to the point where id be at a babysitters for weeks, and they sexually harassed(?) me from a young age (always stared at me when i was naked, would get fully nude in front of me, along side other things I cant fully remember). All of this left me with raging PTSD, and depression to the point where I had to get bribed into stopping my self harm habits. Now I have dreams every night after never having one before, and 9/10 times they're nightmares about my loved ones being hurt. My father (and emotionally abusive ex girlfriend) left me with a savior complex where i only felt useful if I could help/save people, and its still the only thing aside from video games that give me an emotional release anymore. I can barely remember years of my life, despite being in my late teens and have been in a non toxic enviroment for years. I just can barely feel anymore, my intrusive thoughts run rampant as if someones trying to convince me to just commit homicide, and only a few people make me feel anything anymore. Shits been rough, but things have been improving lately. I'm getting new medications very soon, my mother is frequently in the hospital but has been needing to go less and less, I'm several months self harm free, and on a weight loss journey.
TL;DR, I don't know what at all this was meant to be, I just need to get stuff off my chest. Thank you to anyone who read this far. I hope youre doing okay. | ptsd |
i have a stupid frustrating ritual atm when sometimes my head wants someone to say something. for instance yesterday me and my family were playing a game and so my dad was counting and he counted up to 6, my brain was thinking he must say 7 or he will die he must say 7. i didn’t want to just ask him to say the number 7 cause that’s kinda weird but i was panicking and because his lucky number is 7 i just said ‘ dad whats your lucky number again’ then i finally relaxed when he spoke. sorry if that doesn’t make sense but it’s super frustrating! | OCD |
I just want to die so that the world can destroy itself without me. I do not believe there is such a thing as happiness. I can’t believe I am stuck here I just want to sleep forever. I feel so worthless and I just want everyone to be rid of me. I do not know why I am so incapable, I wish I could fix myself but I feel like I am permanently broken. I literally cannot stop obsessing about death. I am scared to kill myself but at the same time I feel like it is the only option. I can’t bear to suffer through this life. It seems inevitable that I will fail anyways. | depression |
Hi, I'm Puking Ninja
I worked a 9-5 job for 8 years. During the start of the Pendemic, I left my job and moved back with my family. I wanted to put an effort to start some business. After reflecting upon many ideas. I keep losing interest in it.
While I was working 9-5 Job I was also diagnosed with moderate/severe depression. I thought maybe moving back to Family with resolve it.
Now after spending 2 years without any success is opening a business. I feel like Life is without purpose. I feel like everyone around me keeps running around money and keeps judging everyone around. I don't like being judged or monitored by people. I wake up irritated and angry.
After giving it a thought I realized had same feelings when I was working 9-5. I had same feelings when I graduated.
I want to just isolate myself and keep hidden. | depression |
Hello
So I have PTSD and it can be so debilitating sometimes that I am in and out of bed all day. I dissociate daily and feel anxious constantly. I'm a full-time college student and it can be so hard to focus on the simplest assignments or even taking notes in class. I'm in therapy and taking SSRIs and Buspar for anxiety.
I come from a very "just get over it", "put yourself up and move on", "stop being so sensitive" sort of family. My mom essentially forced me to not accept all of my aid money for school so she could financially support me with my groceries. Other than the fact that she barely gives me enough to live off of, she also expects me to get a job.
Don't get me wrong. I really really want to work and be independent, but I feel like dealing with the symptoms of my trauma is a job in and of itself. How can I possibly work when I can hardly keep myself from dissociating and I can have a flashback at any moment? I feel so much shame because I feel like I should be able to work just like everyone else and function just like anyone else.
Does anyone else feel this way? How do you cope with this and stop feeling so much shame for how your brain responds to trauma? Thank you for reading <3 | ptsd |
I'm not sure why but I really find my ADHD to go in cycles, weeks or even months of me thinking "I'm fine! I don't even have ADHD" to periods where I miss 3 different appointments, walk out of the house without my keys or belt done up and leaving the oven on. Does anyone else have this kind of on-off/cyclical experience?
Anyway right now i'm in a major ADHD period. I've recently lost my passport 2 weeks after i lost a phone and i've possibly lost a watch i got for my 18th birthday (I haven't seen it in a while :( ), it's 16.04 and I'm in my pajamas having lost the entire day. How are you getting on? | ADHD |
Woke up about 45 min ago (now its day time so I'm not going back to bed) to a particularly disturbing one that is really sticking with me. I don't even remember the details very well but its sticking to me and "in" my body like gum on my shoe.
I'm already dissociated and while I have a lot of skills (DBT and other stuff for grounding- - cold shower, Tv, ice, music, podcast, weighted blanket, cuddle with stuffed animals, journal, aromatherapy etc) I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
I feel uncomfortable and stuck in my body and don't know how to continue my day without being triggered.
But I feel stuck and frozen. | ptsd |
is there anybody I can talk to right now? even just for a conversation, I just really am not feeling okay | depression |
(F16) Hello. I'm new here and my native language is not English so I'm sorry if I say something wrong.
I think I really am at rock bottom.
Do you know when you feel that nothing has more effect on you? Not good or bad? My journey through depression got more intense at the end of last year, but it was far from terrible. At least I still enjoyed small things.
In the past, I used to love reading, especially fantasy books. I screamed with happiness in my room to see sapphic couples having a happy ending on my favorite series. I was fun, communicative and loved going to parties. I was romantic and always had a secret crush on someone. Always super excited.
Over time, I became empty. And I hate myself for it.
I don't get excited about anything. And when it happens\[rarely\], I try to hang onto that thread of happiness because it's the only thing that makes me feel something. It always feels like it's going to last forever, but it doesn't.
I feel like I can't pay attention to anything. I feel tired ALL THE TIME like i'm gonna faint and die. I hate it I hate it so much.
I hate my looks, my personality in general too.
Nowadays, I have zero concentration and motivation to read a book that I internally WANT to read, but I don't WANT WANT to read. Do you understand? I mean, no motivation. But I want do it, so I feel anxious about it but I can't.
Even my desire to have a relationship with someone or even sexual relations no longer exists. Like, nothing. Nothing at all.
I abandoned all my friends because I can't even hold a conversation with them. I can not. Nothing holds my interest and nothing seems to matter.
It's like I'm useless. I can't concentrate, I can't be more creative, I can't like anything, not anyone or even sex.
This years, a lot of times, I thought I was asexual (not that asexuality is associated with any illness, but I believe that a lack of sexual and even romantic attraction can be one of the symptoms of depression \[which is clearly not an isolated symptom and comes with many others\] for some people. ASEXUALITY IS VALID, just to make it clear).
I am a person who was amazing and relatively happy and who is now living on autopilot.
And so I never went to therapy. I promised myself I would go, but I still haven't.
So, I know none of you are an expert, but I would like to know your opinion (based on your mental health life experiences) if you think I might have depression/anxiety? | depression |
i don’t have the right amount of empathy for people and animals but for inanimate objects? Hell yeah. It’s so annoying, i feel bad for the wrong things. Does anybody else feel like this? | OCD |
I'm really not that skillful when it comes to doing any type of construction or DIY projects around the house. I'm always in awe of people who reconstruct their whole kitchen or build a treehouse for their kids. Especially when they don't work in construction or something similar.
I am skillful enough to do little things. I know how to put a shelve up and make it level or put a small cupboard together. But I always find a way to fuck it up. Just the other week I did it again. We bought this foldable desk from Ikea you have to attach to the wall. Really basic stuff. And I thought I was really focussed. Measuring everything twice and making sure it was all level.
Well, after I was done drilling holes I found out I was holding one rod upside down. Really not that big of a deal, but there are now two holes in the wall that didn't need to be there. And I can't even see them, but every time I'm behind my desk now I think: 'there are needless holes down there you fuck up!' | ADHD |
Does anyone have any experience treating their kids with Guanfacine? My daughter is going through a really tough time right now, mostly situational, but she has been asking me to get her meds for her ADHD. She has a cycle of acting out/loudly, then getting called out on it and spiraling through a cycle of extreme self-consciousness, then self-hatred, then gets boisterous again.
She was also diagnosed with anxiety disorder, so her doc wants to try an ADHD med that doesn't exacerbate that. I am just wondering if anyone has had any success with this drug, or if anyone has any advice for me as a worried mom with a daughter in crisis? | ADHD |
Why is it so hard to communicate with someone you truly care about? Like I could be madly in love with someone but when there doing something I don’t like I try and tell them but … I always say it badly and end up ruining things . Should I just shut up next time .? | depression |
Just seeing if anyone here can relate to this, so I'll try to explain as best I can.
I thrive in organized, structured, routine environments. I need to know the specifics of what's expected of me every day and I need to go in always knowing what I'm doing.
Thing is, someone's gotta do that part for me.
If I'm tasked with organizing something, or making lists, or taking notes, I do a piss-poor job of it because I'm a very big-picture person and I don't really look too hard at the details of things myself. I got fired from a job once because of this: I was constantly skipping over details in the notes I took and never knew what to expect on a daily basis.
Is anyone else like this? Lover of organization, routine, and structure, but can't for the life of you manage that on your own? Like, you need a boss or supervisor to do that part for you? | aspergers |
So as the text above says, I forgot how to use the bathroom by myself, I get triggered going to the bathroom myself because i have to pull down my pant's and pee and whatnot and that triggers my ocd, i get so paranoid that i accidentally got pee on myself or that i touch myself or that i touched myself then touched something else (like my shirt or hair) and contaminated it then i need to shower. For over a year my mom had to help me use the bathroom she would watch me to make sure i don't touch anything and i feel embarrassed and awful for dragging her to help me, if she isn't at home or anything i would hold my bladder for hours (for like 8 hours or even longer) so to stop this endless torture, I'm asking people of this subreddit, can you guy's help me please without being mean, how do you guy's use the bathroom yourself, what if your hair (if its long) accidentally touches your underwear, do you shower? what if you touch your underwear and accidentally touch your face and then your hair touches your face, do you shower? my mind keeps playing tricks on me and it's so hard to keep track what i touch and what i contaminated because i cannot focus that well | OCD |
I just need somebody to talk to. I’m overwhelmed by life at the moment, I can’t calm down. | depression |
Since September I started taking Adderall and I have noticed that whenever I drink water now I get really energized - which is something completely new for me. Is it a side effect of the medication itself or am I somehow so dehydrated constantly that my body is basically celebrating water. For a frame of reference I usually have two salads a day with water during meals and I drink 40z of water per day out of my tumbler. | ADHD |
1. Assume you're alone in your room, you remember something cringey or embarassing, do you start making weird sounds or say something weird to "cover" that feeling?
2. Do you feel like you can't handle multiple friendships at the same time in your life? Like you can't really connect with more than one person in a timeframe in life.
3. Speaking of friendships, do you have a totally different "you" for each person? As in, could 10 people see 10 different sides of you? | ADHD |
Or at least it's what I feel when I think about it
https://youtu.be/uic_3vlI5BE
Just wanted to share this with u and recommend crazy ex girlfriend. It deals with mental illnesses in a funny, accurate and respectful way. It doesn't address autism particularly, but I still found it very helping | aspergers |
Can someone help me out I feel like I thought something that made sense that I wouldn’t want to do what my bad thought was but need help to see if it makes sense to anyone else please read the whole thing
Can intrusive thoughts be anything?
I mean like seem like a good thought but it’s not can you say words in the your head and want to do what you said in your head
I mean really really really REALLY want to do what you said and feel happy about it?
and seem like it’s a good idea and after the thought you’re like “what?!?” I’ve been worrying about it for over a month and I have really bad OCD this caught me off guard i guess Help please
Please tell me this is possible
I have OCD like religious I think I got from watching scary movies because it was about the “bad guy” (don’t like saying the name) But it was about my crush and I had recently been thinking about my crush and I’ve never had this thought before but I always get happy when I think about my crush and get butterflies and like an exciting feeling when I think about my crush and I was just sitting there watching tv I don’t remember what I thought before the bad thought but I guess randomly I thought if “bad guy”
Gave me my crush I’d totally take it! And when I thought those words I felt excited and I REALLY BADLY WANTED TO DO IT SERIOUSLY then i was like “ WHAT?!” And I’ve been scared ever since because I truly wanted to do it in the moment like if I was to say I want that puppy or I really want to play that new video game I’ve been waiting for, for weeks that’s exactly how that bad thought was! That’s why I was worried it was really me I’ve been hoping it was just my OCD and then I see people say to other people are you okay with your thoughts if your not okay then it’s not you and when I try to say I’m not okay with the thoughts my mind it like “but you are okay with them because you don’t have any feeling when you say you are not okay with them” and I don’t want to be okay with them but then when I say that it all feels like a lie like I’m forcing myself to say that and forcing myself to say I’m not okay with it, is this OCD I know I have OCD but I can’t tell if this is or not, it was genuinely like me thinking and wanting it and I mean REALLY REALLY REALLY WANTING IT NO JOKE NO DOUBT ABOUT IT! And then I got worried please tell me I’m not the only one and then I think we’ll if you really wanted to do it why don’t you ask for it from “ You know “ and I was like no I wouldn’t ever ask for it from you know and I thought “well sense you wouldn’t ask for it then you, wouldn’t take it, if it was just randomly given to you then” right that seems to make sense right cause if I wouldn’t ask for it even though I want crush badly I wouldn’t ask the bad guy for it so that would mean I wouldn’t actually want to take my crush from bad guy if just so happens my crush was gave to me, right? Please tell me that makes sense and that it should let me know I wouldn’t actually want to do it | OCD |
Can't tell if it's a depression thing or an anxiety thing or maybe both. But these days, I often get into the spirals of negative self-talk. That moment when one very small bad thing happens but it's enough to completely trigger you and ruin your day.
Like this: Let's say I make an error at work. Then at first I think "okay that was an error", but then it goes to "I always make errors" and "I'm fucking dumb, why did they even hire me" and it ends with "yeah they're gonna fire me and I'm going to live under a bridge and starve"
Or let's say a woman rejects me. First it's "yeah she wasn't into me", but then my mind goes "of course, I'm unattractive". From there it's "I'm the ugliest person ever" and 15 minutes later I'm at "I'll never find someone, I'll die alone and God created me just to make me suffer". It sounds like a comical exaggeration but I'm 100% being serious.
I'm already in therapy but TBH I don't feel like it has gotten any better since I started.
Those of you who have those spirals, how do you make them stop? Did they get better after you started taking meds? (because I do want to try meds soon) | depression |
Dear Depression,
​
I find it funny that I am turning 30 soon. By today's standards I believe that means I'm turning 20 because 30 is the new 20, 85 is the new 65, and no one can believe that you are what age you say you are. Retirement age is going to 75 now. Time just keeps getting longer and longer even though it feels just like yesterday that you were going into gas stations with your 1 friend who could drive at the time and you would cause the people working there to hate their lives.
I always wondered what would happen if you could just click reset. If you could just take a moment to think about every single thing that has happened in your life and reflect on all of it. In that brief moment before you die, that's what they tell you will happen. Essentially, you get to live life again. Well, that's where I think I am at now. I seem too just be looking back at the highlights of my life. I constantly feel like I am going to die any day now. I know I feel that way because of you. So today is the day that I say goodbye to the old days. Today is the day that I say "Bye." to you.
​
What a weird thing to say. I spent so much of my life in the shadow of your sadness. Crying on the first day of high school because my dad wasn't there to see it, crying in the shower because of Victoria, and wishing so badly that I could go back to those days and just fix everything. Fixing everything would then become something that I feel I have to do at all times because I don't want any more pain.
I've realized now that the pain is something I need to experience. I also need to experience true happiness again. Vulnerability. Excitement. I need to feel love again. I've spent these years dealing with depression that I forgot what the other emotions feel like. I have closed myself up for over 2 decades and I am tired of it.
​
Going with the theme of today's message, father issues will be the first to get addressed. Let's start with King Richard (poetically enough, my dad's name is Rick).
King Richard is a story about a man who believed in his daughters so much that he helped them achieve their dreams. A story that touched my heart and I saw myself crying for the first time in a long time. To see a father who would stop at nothing until his children achieve greatness. Something that I feel like I have missed. I love my step-father but part of me always needed my father to come back. Truly, I believed it would have helped me get out of my depression sooner. He is what I think I would turn out to be if I let depression stay in my life. He is miserable and constantly on the cusp of suicide or incarceration. If I were to let depression stay, I would be exactly like him. Which is sad because I think my Dad is then like me, struggling. I want to help him but I am so afraid of being hurt by him that I just can't. I can't be pulled back into depression right before it leaves. I'm sorry Rick, but you are on your own. I love you and I wish you nothing but happiness.
​
Second on the list, a first love and what my depression holds onto the most. Victoria.
Something that doesn't get brought up very often. A subject that people know not to talk about with me. It is a lot more of a touchy subject than I like to admit. Unfortunately, being closed off for so long, I haven't talked about it much with anyone so I haven't been able to move on. That decision was deliberate.
I could never seem to let go of her. Always in the back of my mind, something I always chased in dreams. So much so that I found myself daydreaming constantly just to escape back to a time when we were together. To you, Victoria, I say "I'm sorry". I'm sorry that I broke your heart. I'm sorry that I could never say that to your face. I'm sorry that I was too late.
What hurts worse is that I did want to apologize. I wanted to see you on Christmas break. I wanted to ask you about your new book. I wanted to tell you how much I hated myself for hurting you. I am also sorry that I pushed you to dating Sean to make you get over me quickly. That one still hurts. I'm sorry for not treating you the way that you deserve.
All you do is blame yourself for her death. It was an accident. I know you feel responsible as to why Sean was in the car with her. Believe me when I say, you weren't. You have to let go.
I know you will always love her, but it's time for you to let her go.
Thirdly, turning 30.
I'll be turning 30 years old in July. Immediately, Bo Burnham pops in my head. I used to run for miles, I used to have friends, I used to be happy. I just watched a movie called 'Tick, Tick...Boom!' on Netflix, about the life of Jonathon Larson (most famous for 'RENT') as he turns 30. He is struggling with the fact that in a couple of months, he will be 30 and feel that he has done nothing with his life yet. This feels very relatable.
Turning 30 is not something I thought I would ever do. I had expected to have killed myself by now. Truly, if I had been brave enough, I would have done it a long time ago. If I had listened to you instead of listening to others, I would have been dead over a decade ago. Which, even as I type this, I can feel you trying to have your final hurrah. Thinking that if you can get me to kill myself right before I let you go, then you will have won. Sorry, Depression, you will be the first person in a long time that I am going to say "no" to.
I want to make music. I have always told myself that I wanted to do that but was always afraid of trying. I sing in the shower and in the car but that is it. It's time I applied myself instead of sitting around. Always telling people it's something I'll do eventually. With you out of the way, I can finally do what I have always dreamed of. Even as I type this I am scared, but I am excited.
​
Finally, it is time to say goodbye to you.
It's kind of weird to finally have to part ways. I thought we would be together forever, but this is the end of an era. I'm so nervous because I don't know what to say. We have been through a lot and it's really hard to let you go but I have to. I have to move on with my life. I am truly going to miss you, you were a such a big part of my life. You helped me get through the death of my Great Grand-father, you were there when we saw world, you were there in my happiest of days. Just because I am leaving you, doesn't mean I won't think fondly of those times, I just can't have those dark days anymore.
I can't let myself go back into a hole, where I don't clean up or take care of myself. I can't just lay around all day and do nothing because I'm scared of being hurt. I can't live with the way that you make me feel anymore. I love you, but it's time that you leave. I wish you all the best, in hopes that can one day come back as a happier person, but for now I must say goodbye.
​
Best Regards,
Zack. | depression |
I tried to force myself stop smoking by making a promise to God. A NON-SPECIFIC punishment was asked in case breaking the promise in order to use the fear of the punishment to force myself to never smoke again!
Some months later, I smoked very, very little but probably nothing happened in terms of a punishment.
A year later, I started having irrational fears about being punished from God for other reasons, by becoming ugly and unable to see the uglyness. I mean, ocd was telling me what if I became ugly and unable to see my uglynesS? I was looking myself in the mirror to make sure that I did not become ugly but my ocd was telling me what if I am seeing an illusion?
It was just an ocd fear related to my appearence. I wanted to smoke again because ocd was telling me not to and I wanted to do what I want in order to show my ocd that I am not a prisoner of it.
Ocd was threating me with that specific, invisible, ugly punishment from God in case smoking because I made a promise that I wont smoke again
When I made the promise about never smoking, a non-specific punishment was asked in case breaking the promise because that time I did NOT have those irrational fears. So, when I was thinking about smoking again, I tried not to connect the smoking/promise/punishment with my irrational fears of punishment. Plus I had already smoked BEFORE the irrational fears and probably nothing happened.
So, I smoked again! That was on 2019. Now, I worry. What if the smoking promise was accepted by other Gods? Since I asked for a non-specific punishment, what if Gods thought that it is a good idea to be punished with my irrational fears of punishment that are about becoming ugly and unable to see my uglyness? | OCD |
I missed two days of school because of my depression and everything. My professor is letting me make up those days. I’m so down | depression |
Hey guys! My short film has been shortlisted for the mental health category. I would be really grateful, if you vote for my film. It will not take more than a minute. Thanks!
Link to the website for voting:
[https://shorted.in/aryan.tandon007](https://shorted.in/aryan.tandon007) | ptsd |
It seems some of the people on reddit have much more self awareness than I do.
It drives me insane to not understand or be aware of what, "doesn't like eye contact" means...
I'm not sure what that means? When I look at people's eyes I don't have an anxiety attack. Does it mean I prefer to look away? I have no idea, and I am getting fatigued thinking about it right now. I am trying to recall every conversation and where my eyes were… Does anyone else feel fatigued when exploring their emotions or analyzing every detail of every incident?
I know my boss came into my work the other day and looked at me straight in the eyes while he was talking to me, and kept looking…. I felt like I was about to break down and say something stupid. I wanted to get out of there so fast.
I feel more comfortable looking at people from far away, and the thought of standing out by not maintaining normal eye contact makes me anxious… I imagine myself doing that, and how peculiar it would look… and I recoil.
My feelings are hard to decipher. I have to constantly ask myself what I would like to do, because it feels like everything I am doing has to make sense or has to push past my emotional boundaries…
I recently got a fidget cube off of amazon (I flipping love it, omg) and other sensory toys. I find myself using them a lot. I have a crunchy snowball stress ball, fidget cube, zen garden and little charm clocks (different kinds of clocks v cool). With the Zen Garden I didn't use it for a bit, because when I used it I found myself trying to level out the sand in it perfectly, to the point that it was no longer soothing. It is quite frustrating actually. Until I was finally able to tell myself, "hey just do whatever…."
Or...
"What if you better things ever so slightly? Maybe choose a smaller range to perfect things in? Like half of the rectangular zen garden, instead of the whole thing."
That felt much better, but still… I am working on it. | aspergers |
Family thinks it's drama and doesn't understand OCD & mental illness fully while being brainwashed by mainstream media's 'OCD' (obsessively cleaning or some shit). Friends try to help & support me, but honestly, I'm not that interested and motivated in anything they motivate me with anymore.
Wish this never happened as a month ago I was happy and content with my life. Had a dream last night where my family actually talked to me and tried to understand my problems and difficulties, but oh well, it was just a dream. I can't see a future beyond this day, might as well end myself before August. | OCD |
Okay I know the title is pretty general
But I feel like this daily.
I’m a pretty sociable outgoing person.
I have a lot of friends and get along well in groups.
My family is loving, financially there and made up of okay people.
But I swear there’s times where (and it’s been a lot lately) where I wish I could just not exist. I don’t say Kill myself bc it sounds too harsh but I really sometimes want to just die and not be here.
I took off work because I was just feeling down and depressed and have anxiety bc I have to go in (once I’m there I’m fine)
Sometimes it takes me hours to move from my bed to get FOOD.
And there’s days like today where I really don’t want to be here.
I feel hopeless or like nothings gonna get better.
I have never had therapy
Never been diagnosed with anything
Always told to just pray
Is something wrong? Should I seek help? | depression |
I'm 19. Live with my parents. Little job experience, little idea what I want in life. I need to get a job. But I feel I can't.
I've had two previous jobs. One as a house cleaner during my senior year. I came in a few times a week and cleaned an empty building by myself. Was relaxing and I liked it. Then after I graduated I briefly worked at a grocery store as a stocker. I lasted a week before I became overwhelmed and broke down.
I'm been trying to find a job. And I live a small town. Barely over a thousand people. The nearest city is an hour drive away. So there are few job opportunities that I can reach as is. And the ones I find all heavily involved interacting with people. Online jobs I find that I qualify for are all customer service phone work.
A trip to town that lasts a few hours completely exhausted me and leave me barely able to speak and with a massive headache. Im awkward and clumsy in conversation and it takes a lot out me to be "professional." Given my last attempt at a job where I barely even talking to people, I feel there isn't one I can handle.
Therapy isn't an option. Before people suggest it. I was seeing one for depression and she helped. But my savings are all gone so I can't afford it anymore. I'm at a lost. And I dont know what to do. Does anyone know how to mentally prepare and exists in a professional environment? | aspergers |
I took kratom in hopes that it would help with depression, anxiety and OCD.
Instead I now have a brand new obsession.
I'm obsessed with screen transitions. On tv, on the internet browser, even in my thoughts. Every transition is now slightly jarring. It comes and goes in waves and I hope it eventually goes away. It's very annoying.
Haha. Just venting. Oh man.
Seriously, don't take kratom. I'm never taking it again. | OCD |
I don't want to endure this torture forever, im at the edge of life and death and I ain't getting better. Lungs filled up with sweat and mud, unclean, deceased, body wet with blood.,,. | depression |
i constantly feel shitty and it just doesn’t get better, even around people, i don’t feel like wow i want to be here. instead i just wanna go home and continue being a sad piece of shit. i stopped having “good days” where i’m feeling okay, now it’s just livable days or non-livable days, i stopped having days where i could go back and think “damn today was good i’m not sad and i’m motivated” | depression |
I used to, last in college really, but haven't since. I'm planning to buy a bike, but driving seems like too much- here in LA anyway. | aspergers |
Any tips for existential OCD? My anxiety presents 99% of the time as depersonalization/derealization which invites existential thoughts like "what if im not real" "what if im making this all up" I'm new to this so looking for any tips? | OCD |
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