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It's honestly insane how much "louder" being in an environment with lots of people becomes without Vyvanse being active. It felt like every single sound became magnetized to my brain and I couldn't focus on anything I was doing because it was seriously so LOUD. The sound from the wheels of the carts being pushed around, to the cashiers having conversations with the shoppers and finally that obnoxious beep every time someone swipes an item. IT WAS AWFUL.
I FORGOT TO MENTION I TRIED PARKING IN 2 DIFFERENT SPOTS AND FINALLY WHEN I PARKED I INSTANTLY LOOKED UP A VIDEO ON HOW TO PARK BETTER AHHHHHHHHH AND THEN I WALK INTO THE GROCERY STORE AND I SEE SOME HAND SANTIZIER SO I USE IT AND I THOUGHT THE LISOL WIPES BESIDE THE HAND SANITIZER WAS USED TO DRY YOUR HANDS SO WHEN THE LADY RIGHT BESIDE ME WENT TO GRAB IT AND I JUST GRAB IT FIRST AND SHE STANDS THERE AND JUST LOOKS AT ME MY WHOLE BODY TURNS INTO AN ANXIETY ORGASM.
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ADHD
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I'm hopeless that I can recover from OCD I question/doubt everything, I can't live anymore because I live in so much pain. I wanna sleep and never wake up.
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OCD
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Hello all, I’ve been struggling with a problem for the last year.
I basically feel as though I cannot masturbate. I’m a relatively religious Hindu and always feel like masturbating/using porn is wrong and I’m not supposed to do it.
Additionally, semen contamination is a huge problem I deal with as well.
I know it’s weird but has anybody dealt with similar stuff? If so any advice?
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OCD
|
I have this perception the world is a very, very, very dangerous world. No matter how much mindfulness I do I always think I may not be safe (even if I am according to other people).
The mindfulness only works so much. I feel scared of everything everyday. What if someone hurts me? What if I feel pain? What if this and that.
I cannot stop it. I feel like an ant compres to my OCD which is a giant, raging monster. I cannot control it. I dont know how to NOT be scared.
My life is full of fear and anxiety. I never seem to feel safe. I don’t know what to do anymore. Im at my wits end.
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OCD
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I’m going to die alone because I’m fat ugly and gross. No amount of “just be confident” works, no amount of having success in life works. I’m a loser who will die alone and no one will miss.
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depression
|
Hi there, I’m feeling the lowest I’ve ever felt in my life rn, and I really need some answers so I can stop searching. I’m unsure if I can’t stop feeling guilt because of my ocd or because I’ve actually cheated.
I flirted with a guy and think I’ve cheated, here are the things I’ve done:
- reply “you wish ;)” when he said he wanted to have sex with me
- reply with something like “don’t omg” every time he would detail sexual things he wanted to do to me (it made me very uncomfortable)
- early on in the friendship, talk to him about how much I wanted kids with my boyfriend but he was unsure, and spoke to him about sex (what I like, etc)
- he sent me a multiple unsolicited pictures and to stop them coming I told them his penis was big, even though I never looked at the pictures.
Other points to understand:
- this guy was one of the very few people on my course and I was scared to upset him because I had to see him everyday. I blocked him as soon as I finished my course and didn’t have to see him anymore.
- he ended up r*ping me,and told me it was my fault for leading him on, which makes me think even more I’ve acted in a cheating manner.
- the above things I said were after saying no at least a dozen times to things he had said, and I always reminded him we were platonic.
Please please please let me know if you think I have cheated so I can move on either way.
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OCD
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[Here's last week's thread](https://old.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/mw5htx/hows_your_week_going_so_far_weekly_post_166/)
Suggestions are ALWAYS welcome on how to improve the threads I post at any time. After all, I do this because the community wants these threads to exist, and I take the time out of my day (every Thursday and Saturday) to post the weekly threads, to ensure the community gets what it feels it needs.
**So, continuing with the theme... /r/aspergers, How is your week going so far?** :)
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aspergers
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Autism experts have more questions than the rest of us.
They don't pretend to understand.
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aspergers
|
Hey guys! So, I finally started medication treatment for my ADHD because nothing else was working and I absolutely could not take it anymore. My doctor started me on 20mg of Adderall XR, which worked great for a week and then stopped. Most of my side effects faded, but I still had awful, debilitating headaches every single night, so we had to try something different. I went back today and he put me on a new (nonstimulant) medication called Qelbree. He said I was a perfect candidate for it, and even though it was only fda approved in April and is only approved for children and teens, he's had great results in his patients in the same situation as me. Do any of you have a similar story as me? If you've tried Quelbree, how did it go? I'm curious to hear other people's experiences!
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ADHD
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When I was having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend she triggered me when we were having intercourse does this mostly happen with other people like he didn't say something it was a Feeling and it triggered me and I just started to cry and I couldn't stop crying and shaking. Also does anyone have a random PTSD moment in the middle of a grocery store were you just all the sudden shopping down the aisle looking at the shelves and then you just burst out crying and can't stop but keep crying while other people are staring at you and they ask what's wrong but you can't answer back because you're crying so hard.
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ptsd
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I am undiagnosed but am 90% sure I have ocd. I have always had compulsions that often derived from a desire to comfort or bring assurance to myself. I also find myself creating unnecessary significance for these actions. An example of an old compulsion was I used to have to list every way I could possibly die (no matter how unrealistic) and check every drawer and crevice of my room before sleeping. Luckily I have gotten over this one, but I still have many other symptoms that I will not go into depth about. If anyone thinks I am wrong about this self diagnosis please let me know.
Anyways, I basically just need reassurance on an issue that has brought me a great deal of anxiety. I have played contact sports from age 11 to age 15, including wrestling, Canadian football, and rugby. On top of that, I have always been pretty smart, always taking advanced courses, and placing highly or first place on math competitions. I have had 2 possible concussions, or maybe more minor ones that I didn’t notice. I was always worried about concussions, but it has become unbearable over the last month. I haven’t played contact sports for almost 2 years now because of COVID, and noticed no issues previously. However, a seemingly insignificant bump to the head which gave me a minor headache sent me down a spiral of anxiety. I can’t escape these intrusive thoughts where I think about what I could have done differently, and they usually end with me laying on the ground thinking until my brain “hurts” (not like headache, more like when you have been doing homework for to long) while talking to myself or tugging my hair. I keep feeling that I have made myself less intelligent, or will end up with CTE. Even if I try to stop thinking about it I can’t. I feel like my life is ruined for some sports I barely enjoyed. I need an honest response telling me if this is or isn’t irrational, as well as help on what I should do.
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OCD
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I just don't understand how people manage to fight something like depression, reach out or get help. For me it's just a never ending cycle of misery of which I am unable to break out of.
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depression
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hey guys, just wanted to see if there was any advice you could give me. weve been through alot together and i am just trying to do my part to help. any advice or ideas are appreciated. open question i know. thank you.
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aspergers
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In the 14 years I've had OCD, my mind has never had one day, let alone even an hour, of peace. Constantly thinking, constantly worrying, constantly having panic attacks and obsessing over things that have no impact on what happens in real life and preforming rituals about those things even though part of me knows it will have no outcome on anything. My own mind is against me and what I wouldn't give just to finally have a little taste of peace....
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OCD
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I’m dealing with vocal damage from a mental breakdown where I screamed like crazy. I’m so sad and regretful about it because I feel like music is the only thing that matters in day to day life. The only thing that brings simple joy and now I hate the sound of my voice. It really makes me want to die. Plus I have hearing loss. I just feel like I destroyed my perfectly good health due to mental instability. And all I ever wanted was to be a good pretty boy.
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depression
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I know I shouldn't self-diagnosis and I'm not going to do that. I just want to know if I have symptoms of OCD.
Here are some of the things I do that makes me think I have OCD (Keep in mind these things happen on a daily basis!):
1. When I'm writing notes I always go back and notice a little line that makes this letter look weird or a period that has a little line sticking out and I will spend five minutes just trying to fix it and so the result is a blob and if I just don't do anything about it I will obsess over it and I won't think about anything else until I "fix" it.
2. I do this very weird thing where every ten minutes I'm on a laptop or a computer I have to do a roundabout with my mouse. I don't know if I explained it correctly. I have to drag my cursor across all the sides of my screen making sure to hit every corner.
3. If I touch something and I only touch a little part of it I have to touch the whole thing. Like THE WHOLE THING. Like I grab it and try to wrap my hands around it.
4. OMG! I just thought about this. When I'm working I have to make sure that the boxes are perfectly aligned like perfectly aligned.
5. BY FAR THE MOST ANNOYING THING I DO! I read lots of books like a book a day and I do a lot of highlighting and annotating. When I highlight I always go back and "fix" it until it looks like dark yellow seeing that I got every crevice.
DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON:
\- Washing my hands
\- Putting on clothes
\- Driving
\- And on, and on.
​
One thing and I know this is a harmful stereotype is that I am not a neat or organized person. I don't really care about organization and I'm just neat to the extent where my room has little clutter and smells ok.
Also I'm 18 don't know if that's important.
If I know my issue I can find out how to help myself. Also using fidgets helps me.
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OCD
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Just a vent, but if any of y’all have felt this way I’d love to know that maybe I’m not crazy.
I’ve been feeling generally numb to everything and have been doing okay and now I feel like I was misdiagnosed LOL. Like I completely believe I have PTSD when I feel and experience the symptoms but it’s times like these (when I feel generally fine) that I feel like an imposter. It’s so frustrating and invalidating. I am usually struggling for 1-4 weeks at a time, and then I’m fine for 1-2 weeks and it feels like I’m being dramatic. And then time never feels really because of this because I’m just waiting the next weeks to see what state I’ll be in. Idk tune in next week folks.
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ptsd
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I’ve been sitting in my room for the last 5 months doing absolutely nothing. I‘m finished with school, I don’t have a job and I don’t have any hobbies.
I try to write job applications but I just can’t do it. I can’t concentrate enough to write four damn sentences. It’s so frustrating. But apparently writing this works fine.
My face is itching all the time, it just hurts. I drink more water now, finally. I’ve been drinking less than 1l everyday for my whole life, I just forgot to do it.
I’ve been undiagnosed my whole life too. Now finally a doctor told me I‘ve got ADHD.
I want to go outside but I hate it here. I hate the people and I hate the city. I do like my room though. I want to live in a forest, alone. Where nobody bothers me.
I want to change something but I can’t get up and even If I could, I wouldn’t know what to do. I‘m interested in so many things and I want to learn so much. There’s so much knowledge and so much to do. But for some reason I just can’t get myself to.
I heard you need to put about 10k hours into something to master it. Well, I can’t even do 10.
I could go to university next year, but how’s that supposed to work if I couldn’t even study in school. How am I supposed to sit through a lecture. Sounds like hell.
Maybe this all just isn’t meant to be.
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ADHD
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Is there anything that helps you get through those worst times of loneliness and self-loathing?
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aspergers
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I’m F20 undiagnosed but will get tested in around 6 month. I have been showing a lot of adhd symptoms since I was a child. Basically every one expect I have always had good short term memory. Like in school I memorized tons of information 5 minutes before an exam and got good grades. Then however my other symptoms took over and I dropped out despite being a “gifted” student but that’s another story. Is it possible to have ADHD and good short term memory?
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ADHD
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pretty sure this is an adhd thing but it could be an autism thing (i’m medically diagnosed with both) but i have no social cues whatsoever. i just feel like everyone else knows exactly what to do in social situations and i’m the only one who doesn’t and it makes me feel so helpless and stupid. for example, i asked my math teacher a question about a test the other day and he just laughed at me and said nothing and i’m still very confused as to what was so funny. if you guys also struggle with this, how do you help with it?
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ADHD
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I have terrible fear of having schizophrenia its the only thing I think about and I always want to wear headphones because I feel safer but now I can't stay in a quite place because I get scared of starting to hallucinate, I can't sleep or study without a distraction noise
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OCD
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I just started taking this new medication for my panick attacks.
I lost my grandmother in November and I was in denial, it just hit me and am not dealing well with it.
So my therapist prescribed propranolol 20mg for whenever am about to have a panic attack.
Anyone here with experience with this med?
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ptsd
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Do you ever feel so unwanted around the people you like the most? That youre the last one to be invited? That you’re always the one asking if they are okay or if they got home safely after a fun night but no one asks you back? I don’t even think that they do it intentionally, I just feel like im that friend. That friend who’d give in to peer pressure so just I can relate to all of them. That friend who would change himself everytime to fit them. And that friend who’d easily be replaceable with someone who’s a lot more cooler than him. Then I get back to this toxic behavior where I isolate myself to test if they will actually look for me or if they’re more having fun if I’m not there. And if they did, then maybe its actually time for me to walk away and be miserable by myself. I’m just so tired, I cant talk about these things to my family bec i dont have that kind of relationship with them and i will just be invalidated. Im tired of not feeling belonged with anywhere not even with your own blood.
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depression
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I decided to make a subreddit for those struggling with si so that people with suicidal ideation can still reach out and get the help they need but those heavily triggered by those topics can keep away I'm hoping by making this sub we can help both sides. those who want to help and express si visit r/ocdsi
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OCD
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It's larger than here and has more members but it appears that the moderators there are okay with gatekeeping of PTSD/treatment. I've been going back and forth with them all day over a post that opens with, "I don't care if the author said he wasn't glorifying that man's actions. Why help him when he doesn't deserve it?" in regard to a Vietnam veteran diagnosed with PTSD in The Body Keeps the Score.
​
This is not my first experience with this kind of gatekeeping in trauma support groups, both online and IRL. It can be very desirable to write off enactors of our trauma as "monsters" and survivors of trauma as "victims" and never the twain shall meet. Too often, humanizing actors of trauma is assumed to be intertwined with forgiving them, forgetting the trauma, or allowing them to continue to enact trauma. And vindictive desires - don't allow this person access to health care because they did bad things; this person should be homeless and jobless and lose human rights; - are often treated as a healthy response, even if they are hurting other people in the same room. (Vindictive needs are real, but, like, read the room.)
​
If you choose to engage with that other sub, just be aware of this biased stance of the moderators - and be aware when you engage with any support groups, whether a Discord server, an in person group therapy, or another venue of your choosing, that this kind of bias - of choosing the sheep from the goats, if you will - is remarkably common. Just because a space purports to be safe or supportive does not mean that it will be safe or supportive to you.
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ptsd
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So if i'm honest i'm not interested in consuming any drugs but idk, whenever someone mentions they consumed drugs for example, even if idk that person i get anxiety and sometimes make compulsions but idk, even with the simple mention of it and idk why it happens, it didn't happen to me before but now that my OCD it's worse i get it often :/
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OCD
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I’m so fucking tired. Depression affecting you physically and making you feel like you just did a million tasks and ran a marathon even though you did absolutely nothing except sulk all day is the worst. I wish I had energy so badly. I just feel so tired. Dreading work and errands tomorrow because I feel like my body is just so burnt out. It’s a chore to do anything, even walk to do anything like go to the restroom or grab a snack.
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depression
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Did getting a diagnosis actually help your day to day life? Was there a shift in how you felt, how other people acted towards you, etc?
Did medication help? How did it help?
I've been looking at getting a diagnosis, but money is an issue for me at the moment. I'm honestly a bit scared for if I do get diagnosed, what life will be like, will I still be me on meds.
What are your experiences with the whole process?
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ADHD
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I’m gonna sound crazy saying this, but I have this thought that’s been in my mind for the past few hours, but some part of me thinks that the pork I had with dinner was human meat. I have zero idea why, but I honestly can’t get to sleep now. It’s literally just pork that was bought at the store, cooked, and eaten. WHY am I thinking this?? I don’t even know if this is a symptom of the ocd, and it’s honestly something too embarrassing to bring up to someone irl
I feel insane right now and could use a bit of help in stabilizing my mind
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OCD
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Every weekday I get up at 6am to go to school. I spend 90min on bus rides there and back. I don’t get home until 7pm. I never want to do anything. I stay up late eating to avoid doing anything else. On the weekends, I shower for hours at a time to avoid everyone and have time to myself. I feel very self-destructive and can’t find anything to like about myself.
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depression
|
I, as a kid, was very spaced out and found it incredibly hard to focus and was constantly bored and basically the whole checklist of inattentive ADHD was ticked, but I still passed everything up until sixth form.
In the lessons there was always either something new and exciting (I fucking love to learn) or something we've been over before and I felt forced into doing it due to the social pressure of the classroom, would blow through it and sit there bored out of my mind for the rest of the lesson.
I always passed by the skin of my teeth (we're talking getting within 1% of the passing grade) and because of that I... Idk.
I was just talking to my parents and they thought I was normal because when I was a little kid I was just bored and stuff and by the time any other symptoms may have been too obvious (hyper focusing, severe distractibility, under/over stimulation) I was put in environments where those wouldn't be visible.
I was smart and put into the top sets, every kid there would work in basic silence and whenever I took a break from working for even a minute I'd be scolded and re-placed back onto the work by the teacher, and there were minimal distractions (everyone else was quiet and I'm too deaf go hear paper or pencils being used). At home I would go to my room and go on my computer away from everyone for the whole night, only going down to grab dinner and socialise for about a minute. And j basically never studied!
If I tried to study any time other than the night before it'd be so hard I'd give myself headaches and stress acne! Without anyone there forcing me to, without the social pressure of a classroom I just.... Couldn't. It sounds dumb to say but I couldn't, and the fact I was still passing made it harder to justify!
I got into those top sets because of the teacher's opinions on me. My grades were middling at best but every now and then in an exam I would do brilliantly, not being distracted or anything and being able to do my best.
Then came sixth form.
No more structure, if you don't do the work you're not told off or anything, classrooms where everyone talks and interacts freely. It was hell.
It felt like I couldn't physically drag my attention onto what I was studying no matter how hard I tried. And at home my brother moved into my room to share so I stopped being able to study at home due to the distractions.
It's like I'd open up the work on my computer and within 5 minutes of forcing myself, pushing myself to the limit, I would just deflate and couldn't study. Just him being in his chair talking to his mates on the phone ruined my attention and focus.
A-Levels at the end of sixth form was the first time I'd failed. I got 3 D grades. Still, unconditional offer from uni got me in.... Where the same issues happened, and now I graduated with a 3rd (lowest honours).
So I'm thinking back, talking to my mum, she days she never noticed anything weird and she thought my distractedness and everything was just normal kid behaviour so she has no clue.
So yeah. This turned into a rant. Idk how to end it sooo... End.
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ADHD
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Hello I have severe ocd and my psychiatrist prescribed Luvox. I’m weaning off Zoloft now and I didn’t experience side effects with it. But I have emetophobia and I’m scared to start Luvox because I don’t want it to make me nausea or make me get sick. Has anyone had good/bad experiences with Luvox? Any help would really be appreciated. Thank you.
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OCD
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Sometimes, when I get triggered, it'll be as though an inside presence is keeping me calm, no matter how big the trigger was. Like my brain will try to convince me that I am just imagining that there is a trigger in the first place. I'll want to cry, or panic, or run etc. but I just...can't. Does anyone else experience this? It's making me feel as though I'm faking because when I'm triggered, its not obvious.
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ptsd
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I've seen a lot of stories here of people who's doctors don't believe them in some form or another about their ADHD, and I'm worried that this new guy might do the same. I'm sitting in the waiting room right now all anxious that I've been doing something that seems dubious, or that the new guy doesn't believe in ADHD, or that my elevated heart rate from being so nervous is going to throw something, I'm just really stressed out right now.
If it doesn't go well with this guy, what do I do?
Edit: everything went fine and the new guy looks like Cory Barlog. That's not relevant to anything, but I sure thought it was interesting.
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ADHD
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I have been dealing with bad anxiety regarding real event ocd. I want to talk to my friends about it, but I do not want to seek reassurance. Is there a way to do that?
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OCD
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I am going about getting diagnosed with OCD and an obsession I have had for about a year now is that medication is going to poison me or make me trip. I do not want to be medicated for this reason but the reason i don’t want to be medicated is apart of my OCD. What is going to happen to me??
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OCD
|
hi guys. so my abuser moved out of the state about a year after we broke up and the abuse ended. that year was terrifying. he lived 5 mins away from me and i was constantly in fear of seeing him. all my friends and even my parents saw him when he was out but i never did thankfully. that was a year ago. i spent this year healing and got into a relationship but sadly we broke up a month ago. the guy i was with made me feel safe. i called my friend who was also abused (in a different way) by my abuser. my friend and i helped each other through it when i was dating my abuser. my abuser reached out to my friend and told my friend that he was coming back to my state to visit some people. i’m terrified. the night i found out i didn’t go to sleep until 10 am. i’m so afraid he’s going to find a way to reach out to me. he knows where i live. since he moved away he started doing harder drugs which makes him even more unpredictable. he’s not coming til the summer, once quarantine is lifted. but i can’t stop thinking about it. i can’t help but worry he’s going to contact me. he’s blocked everywhere but that doesn’t mean he can’t make another account. i don’t have anyone that makes me feel safe anymore. i feel so alone and scared.
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ptsd
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I've been stuck at home since the pandemic happened, my last year of college came and went (completely online) and I've since graduated. Still haven't managed to get a job yet, and living in a shitty apartment complex on Long Island makes doing stuff difficult (transportation sucks and you cant walk everywhere).
I've had two major depressive episodes already, resulting in my first major run in with depersonalization (other than maybe one time in middle school), and I feel like I'm entering a third one.
My usual hyperfixations just aren't cutting it anymore. I usually find myself cycling through them, but now it seems I'm not getting around to the things I wanted to do. I have like 3 or 4 video games that I started but I don't feel motivated to finish. Several shows on Netflix used to hold my attention but now its hard to even focus on those. I haven't been reading webtoons consistently either like I used to.
I feel like I'm in a fog when I'm trying to focus on my interests.
The worst part is that I know the reason, I've been watching/looking at more porn than usual recently since I "accidentally" found a new source, and now I fear that its becoming my new hyperfixation instead of the stuff I actually want to be into.
I didn't really notice it at first, then I randomly got one of those "self help dopamine detox" videos in my YouTube recommendations. I know that stuff is largely bullshit and wouldn't really work on people with ADHD either way, but the thought of "you're wasting your life" crawled its way back into my head, and I think its making everything worse.
I just want to actually enjoy videogames and movies without fixating on porn instead.
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ADHD
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Wait, I have a question, can someone who experiences nightmares from PTSD also sometimes have more “normal” dreams that aren’t PTSD nightmares? Or is it that if you have PTSD nightmares, you can only have those nightmares when you dream?. Maybe this depends on how severe your PTSD is?.
If anyone can answer this, I’d very much appreciate it. Thank you.
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ptsd
|
So I've been on Strattera 80mg for two months now. When I was building up the dose, I felt ok, on 20mg I felt calmer, found it easier to study and just function in general. I also noticed my attention span and memory worked better since I no longer lost something every few minutes. I was really happy with the improvements though I hoped for a bigger difference.
But after 80mg, I've been increasingly irritable, overly anxious and restless to the point of completing things way ahead of schedule, but with the same amount of dread and anxiety as I used to complete my work last minute, pre-diagnosis. If not even worse.
My stomach is super sensitive and now I'm nauseous a lot, my stomach hurts, my head hurts, I often feel faint, my muscles hurt, sciatica is back again due to my body tensing up, and it's just like my body hates me extra hard. And now every minor discomfort sends me into a breakdown and crying fits. Alprazolam doesn't help with anything but the physical symptoms of anxiety, I still have random urges to cry. I don't even understand why - I'm not particularly under pressure right now, nothing bad happened.
For example, today I've been getting random short crying bursts, then a few minutes of "it's not even that bad why am I acting like this", then again a few minutes of crying, rinse and repeat. I'm fluctuating so bad it's driving me insane and I can't do this anymore.
I don't even know if it's all because of the dose being too high, but I've decreased to 60mg since about 5 days ago. And yet I'm having this experience again. I'm exhausted and at capacity. I'm sick and tired of my body hating me, sick and tired of these strong mood swings at such short intervals, I'm sick and tired of feeling overwhelmed with things that are still weeks away. I've never felt like this before treatment and I'm lowkey regretting it.
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ADHD
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I keep seeing posts and comments on Instagram that accuse us of drug abuse and all that stuff.
Let me remind you:
1. They lie
2. They are not experts
3. If medication is prescribed by a specialist and helps you to function: then it is not abuse. It is meds. It is the paracetemol to the pain, the antibiotics to a bacterial infection.
The more I learn during group therapy, the more I understand what goes wrong in my brain and how medication helps with that.
Today was my first day on Elvanse (after 2 years Tentin/Amfexa and 10+ years Ritalin). I was scared a bit. Even though it is not so different from my previous meds.
I had 2 med free days as adviced by my psychiatrist. Today I took the first pill.
It starts slowly, but I noticed a clearer brain, more focus, less attention for sounds and motivation.
So take your meds. It is about you. Don't let others misinform you.
Talk to your doctor/specialist for advice.
Have a very distractionless day 🤗
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ADHD
|
Hi guys. I've had a weird resurgence of having night terrors every night and I cant get any relief. I take Cymbalta and two Tylenol PMs every night and have a referral to get a sleep study done. I woke up three times last night. Is there anything anyone here has done to get some relief? Its just hard to do something because I can't control them. I'm at my wits end with everything right now. Its embarrassing to ask anyone about it but I dread going to sleep every night.
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ptsd
|
So i have had a girlfriend for a bit now, and i really like her…
but i feel like im starting to move on.
The same way as when a hobby or a new skill isnt rewarding anymore, i also start something else.
This is really scaring me because i really like her or atleast i used to. I still do but its almost like its slipping away.
Is this normal and how do i tackle this.
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ADHD
|
Basically my brain is telling me that I'm (not knowingly) romanticising mental illnesses and that I'm actually OK and the symptoms I am Experiencing I'm just making up.
Edit: I was diagnosed with ocd around 5 months ago (alongside major depression and anxiety)
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OCD
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For math nerds out there, do you have trouble keeping track of which variables are which when there are multiple of them in a situation? Personally, I have a very hard time trying to “think out” a mathematical model of any situation in my head. It just seems like a such an ADHD thing to have disorganized thoughts & not understand whats going on.
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ADHD
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Lost my boyfriends Apple Pencil (very expensive) in the bed and I’ve torn apart our room looking for it and cannot find it anywhere. I’m so upset. This is the second time I’ve lost something of his this week and I just feel guilty about it.
I’m just looking for support rn idk I don’t understand how I can’t find it anywhere when I know I last had it in the bedroom. It’s so hard living like this I want to cry. I start feeling crazy when this stuff happens like “did I actually put it somewhere else and just forgot?”
How am I supposed to even trust myself when my own memory doesn’t even work. I just wish I could find it
UPDATE: I still haven’t found it, the pencil is 1st gen, I have looked all through my bed frame AND under my bed but there’s a ton of items and clean clothes next to my bed that it *maybe* is wrapped up in, but I leave for New York in the morning and didn’t have time to go through it. I’ve asked my boyfriend to keep an eye out for it since I’m pretty convinced there is no way it’s anywhere other than my bedroom, however I have looked other places like under the couch and the couch cushions and all of the surfaces I normally set it on. The iPad is showing it up on the Bluetooth screen so I’m pretty sure that means it’s still in my room somewhere. I’m hoping my bf stumbles across it while I’m gone, and I’ll try to deep clean the room when I get back from my trip and hopefully find it that way? I appreciate all of the support and stories, it really makes me feel less alone. I haven’t resorted to buying a new one yet but I’m losing hope of finding it 😭 it seems lost to the void
UPDATE UPDATE: I FOUND IT!!!!!!!!!!!
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ADHD
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I have been thinking of being more self aware and I want to know how you all have been self aware about how OCD has impacted the people in your life.
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OCD
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I have contamination OCD. I avoid public restrooms and porta potties, as an example. Because we all know they are filthy AF. I was at a park and had to go to the bathroom. I forced myself to use the disgusting porta potty. I told myself “exposure therapy, I can do this!”
But now, hours later, oh my god. I can’t stop obsessing about how that was not a good thing to do. My brain is telling me I picked up hepatitis or a virus in there. I used the toilet paper in there too, which I never ever do because it’s so unsanitary. There was no hand washing station. I’m losing it you guys. I couldn’t wash my hands afterwards. I’m a mess inside. Why is this exposure therapy so bad? I feel so dirty and like germs are all over me even after a shower. 😢
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OCD
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Just laying in bed after working a shift. Scrubbed my body head to toe multiple times, sanitized my phone multiple times and rubbing my dry, cracked stinging hands with rubbing alcohol in case I accidentally touched something “contaminated”. Already prayed over and over that me and everyone I love wakes up tomorrow but of course had to do it multiple times to get it juuuust right. And this isn’t even a bad night. Feels like over time my ocd seems to get worse. Idk the point of this, just venting 🙁
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OCD
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I found this video on YouTube, I feel like this articulated my feelings about things better than I ever could.....[here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3X4jALZG_w)
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aspergers
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does anybody heres ocd manifest itself into weird things that usually shouldnt effect you? And i dont mean like its a subtle fear, like the thing it manifests itself into becomes the worst thing on earth and anything associated with it becomes tainted? sort of like contamination ocd but with things outside your control like actors, movies, and other stuff becoming "contaminated"? I mean something so bad that you cant even bring yourself to mouth the thing outloud? And the worst part is, its not something reasonable, its something random or something that creeped you out a couple years ago randomly. I need some help.
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OCD
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Occasionally I'll go for like a 30 minute period where it's like I'm back to my old self and I don't feel the urge to do any compulsions and think all the intrusive thoughts I were just having are ridiculous. Then the ocd will come back like a freight train lmao. Can anyone relate?
Edit: I'm having one right now. OCD pretty much gone and I'm so happy.
Edit 2: OCD back in full force lmao
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OCD
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I’m on a weight loss journey and according to fancy calculators, I won’t see results for months. I really struggle with impatience. That’s a lot of waiting and not a lot of dopamine hits. It feels like it’s for nothing. The depression isn’t helpful. And I hate working out, so I’m just miserable. I’ve been at it for 4 weeks and there’s been no progress on the scale or in pics. Bf says I should see progress, but I’m not.
How do I get by in the mean time, while I’m waiting for results? The executive dysfunction sucks when I have to work out and lately, I just cry for at least an hour afterwards bc I just put myself through pain and there’s seemingly no pay off. I can’t get dopamine hits from food anymore and I certainly don’t get them from exercise. My brain goes a mile a minute and my body just isn’t keeping up. When I do things, I do them fast, I want results fast. But with this, I’m getting nothing. I just wait and cry. Really struggling to accept myself while actively wanting to majorly change myself. I can’t stand the image I see in the mirror and knowing I’ll have to continue to live like this for months, when I cry about it *every day*, I’m just so miserable. I’m crying at work, I’m crying when I get home from work, I’m just a mess.
I know we struggle with patience, some more than others but I’m wondering if anyone has any advice regarding adhd and weight loss, adhd and patience, adhd and acceptance or ANY advice, that would be greatly appreciated
TLDR: Will take a long time to lose weight, struggling with patience and low self esteem
(Kinda xposted)
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ADHD
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This is gonna be a stream of consciousness because…ADHD, but the short version for my low-attention span friends:
Be introspective. If you’re filtering yourself, ask why. Don’t dismiss parts of yourself because they make you uncomfortable, or because you think they’re not relevant to Who You Are. Love yourself for those. Okay, now that you’re done rolling your eyes like I’m a substitute guidance counselor, hear me out.
I was diagnosed in adulthood with ADHD – during the pandemic, actually. How I got there isn’t important to this, but that knowledge really recontextualized a lot of my beliefs about myself. Having ADHD means maybe I’m not just lazy and disorganized and unable to fulfill my potential…but it’s also a double-edged sword because once you’re aware of your “ADHD behaviors/tendencies”, you start noticing them as such.
Something that I became very aware of was a feeling that my brain was…clogged somehow. Kind of like that meme visual of your brain being made of static. It was as though my mind was full of so many simultaneous thoughts that it was a struggle to pick one and articulate it. And good luck trying to look someone in the eyes or make small talk when you can’t even assemble your thoughts. I’d only think of things to say after people had left. I’d become on edge all the time, even at home. Especially at home. Obviously, I chalked this up to ADHD/rejection sensitivity and tried to get on with my life.
Then I developed acid reflux. Which sucks, for the record. And sounds unrelated, but bear with me. The root cause of this acid reflux ended up being long-term over-tension in my abdominal and stomach muscles, so I was basically just gooshing stomach acid up into my throat, especially when I’d get anxious and tense up further. For some reason, I decided to take my body literally on this one and started thinking about anything that I might be keeping bottled up that was manifesting as physical tension. I truly didn’t think I did; I consider myself a pretty open book albeit an uninteresting one. But I slowly realized there was something I’d been secretive about: I’m in a straight marriage, but I’ve always low-key considered other guys attractive, or trans people, or whoever. I’m not ashamed of that, but because I’m attracted to a wider range of women than men, I never considered it part of my identity or bothered really acknowledging it. I assumed that other straight people felt the same way but were hung up about it because We Live In A Society.
But, as you probably know with ADHD, it’s a mistake to assume other people see the world the same way you do. And at that point, all I knew to be true was that I had these feelings that I didn’t think mattered, but I also didn’t want my wife to know about them. Not that I thought she would be hostile, I just didn’t want to give her the wrong impression about my attraction and love for her. And, like I said, that’s not “who I am”, so there’s no reason to talk about it………
Except, maybe…that is who I am? What does that mean? I’m in a straight marriage, for christ’s sake. With the same woman for nine years. I know she loves me, but I don’t know if she can take that, because it’s so deeply personal and a fragile, difficult subject, and I don’t want to risk hurting her over something she might misunderstand… And that’s when it clicked. That was the clog, the filter in my brain that all of my thoughts had to go through before I could say them. Without realizing why, I was constantly policing my thoughts and looking over my shoulder because I didn’t want to inadvertently hurt anyone’s feelings. And because my ADHD gives me SO MANY thoughts, and they all skip from tangent to tangent, I had to filter EVERYTHING just in case. And that filter, over time, just got finer and finer to the point where I was no longer expressing myself at all.
And I was consciously aware of none of that, until then. But it’s fucking exhausting. So I felt no choice but to tell the people in my life that I’m pansexual, starting with my wife.
Just like that, the filter disappeared. Which blew my fucking mind. I had never considered that the two things were related, even for a moment. Hell, I hadn’t considered that part of my identity at all, much less an important one. But there it was. Suddenly, I wasn’t worried about being accidentally misunderstood or giving someone an uncomfortable impression. I truly felt comfortable inside myself for the first time in my entire life.
And yes, my wife was very supportive. I can’t take that for granted. But that’s also not specifically what it was about – ultimately it’s about the acknowledgement of that part of myself, and letting go of the fear that other people will misjudge me for it. I’m also well aware that I’m a straight-passing young white guy, so I have the privilege of choosing who I tell and who I just let assume otherwise. That’s a much easier wall to climb than someone who’s constantly confronted by discrimination based on how I look or carry myself. But my point is, I’d spent decades of passive thought and years of active introspection in an effort to better understand myself, and I completely whiffed on this before the age of 37. I wish I hadn’t.
I’ve talked to a couple of my ADHD friends, and they also identify as bi or pan, even if they’re not super open about it. I don’t know if there’s empirical evidence that queerness and ADHD are related but it wouldn’t surprise me.
As an unanticipated side note, this also helped my gender identity in a small way. I’m male, but I’ve never been comfortable calling myself a “man.” A guy, dude, husband? Sure. And I never felt like something OTHER than that. But “man” never fit. I assumed that was due to some cultural masculinity hangups, and I suppose that’s still true, but even knowing that didn’t change anything.
Once I internalized that I’m attracted to men and trans people and other people who are in between or outside of that framework entirely…suddenly my brain could just redefine the concept of “man” to be something that includes me, which I never felt before. It’s nice, and makes me envious of people who apparently don’t have to process this kind of shit.
But if you have to process this kind of shit, know that you’re not alone. You may not be fortunate enough to live in a relatively progressive city or know that your partner or family is supportive of your being, but if nothing else, consider being more open to yourself. And kinder to yourself.
Thanks.
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ADHD
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Anyone else have an obsession with their teeth? One of my front teeth on the bottom row is slightly out of place and I pretty much obsess about it’s imperfection everyday. I constantly lick the teeth around it and use my fingers to try and push it into place.
I’ve been doing it for so long that it’s kind of become something I do unconsciously when I’m anxious. Like instead of biting my nails, I’ll consistently lick my bottom row of teeth.
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OCD
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Hi there,
I have heard good things about Gabapentin for anxiety issues. My problems are Hypervigilance/Hyperarousal, extreme Startle Response, Problems with eye contact, and voice trembling. To those who have tried Gabapentin, did it help you with similar issues? Please report your experience
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ptsd
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Is it possible to have relationship OCD but with your best friend instead of a romantic partner??? Because I'm suffering from this right now and it's making me incredibly sad and anxious.
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OCD
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Hey guys.
I got diagnosed about half a year ago and started taking ritalin/adderall for about 2 and a half months now.
For a few years now I've developed a recurring depressive phase which lasts for a week to three.
Oddly enough one of those phases just started the day after my first pill. I thought nothing of it, just another phase - easy, I can handle that! Well, wrong. It lasts to this day and gets progressively worse. My therapist shifted the priority of adhd treatment to depression already.
Did anyone else experience the same? Is it just a coincidence? Should I switch meds?
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ADHD
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I don't know how to handle it anymore. I've been alone for years now. Everyone around me is superficial, they'll say sweet nothings but do absolutely nothing to actually be a friend, or even a person. I haven't actually socialized in years. The last time I was even in a outing of sorts was last spring, when this whole thing began. I know people around me are doing things. I'm just always excluded. The loneliness and isolation I'm feeling is going to kill me, and I'm losing all my strength to even continue going. I can't even bring myself to call help lines anymore because it all feels so empty. No one makes real connections anymore it feels. It's just... isolation everywhere. At this point the only thing I want for the holiday season is a gun and a single bullet. But maybe just driving to a cliff and throwing myself off will suffice. I don't know, what's a nice painless way to just end it?
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depression
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Does anyone who take adderall here smoke cigarettes or vape? whenever I vape after taking adderall, it makes me nauseous most of the time. Does anyone else experience this? It could be because both are appetite suppressants. But also I used to take welbutrin which would also make nicotine not pleasurable at all, so maybe it has that effect to. I just can’t find anything about it online.
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ADHD
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Hi, my psychiatrist prescribed me trazodone for my Anxiety And trauma flashbacks. So far Its day four, And i take1/3 for three days before increasing. On the first day it made me feel really good And i slept nice, but for 12 Hours And had pretty bad nightmares all night. Day later when i took it, i started to experience pretty bad pressure in my head when i stand up or leaned forward, it was getting worse And then It Hurt even when i was lying Down,but still i managed to sleep, And slept for 11 Hours. I really tried both days to get up sooner, but as soon as the Alarm ringed And i Closed it, i fell asleep again And i dont even know how. It was also hard to keep my eyes open as they were terribly dry. I also take medical marijuana for chronic pain And fibromyalgia at night + tramadol in the morning And afternoon. Will this go Away ? I still have pressure in my head, especially when i get up but even if i sit(altho i had weird BP even before,from fibromyalgia) but today i decided to measure it, And when i Stand up i have 141/88 And heart rate 118, And when i sit u have 127/73 And heart rate 73..
I wouldnt like to change these antidepressants, as i dont have the weird depersonalized confused feeling on them as i have on different antidepressants + psychiatric Said they shouldnt decrease my libido, And it could even help it. I dont even have depression anymore, but the Anxiety i get every day from the trauma Is bad, And i can't take benzodiazepines anymore too, because of the tramadol. I tried hydroxizin but It didnt help at all. .
Thank you very much for reading And a reply 😊🌻☀️
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ptsd
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I’m 19, and I felt like this for most of my life, especially as a black girl who is also an HSP (highly sensitive person). Throughout my childhood, I’ve always been a shy and sensitive person, and I just wanted people to love and befriend me, but I was often pushed away, shunned, bullied, and treated like a scapegoat by most people. That’s why I‘ve always felt like something was wrong with me and that I’m a bad person. I felt like most people hated me or avoided me because I was different or I thought they just sensed the “evil” on me. I even felt like babies didn’t like me or were suspicious of me.
I would easily get jealous whenever my sisters or cousins have a lot of friends, easily build relationships, or were lovable to most people. I remember when I was 7 or 8, one of my sisters told me that I was “not God’s child, and he’s angry at me”. That made me feel like I’m below other people, and that I’m a bad person. 4th grade was when became more aggressive towards people, and I had anger issues.
My mom and therapists thought I had autism, because I would obsess over things I liked or things I was interested in, and I didn’t socialize much. Idk if I had OCD or autism then. My OCD really started kicking in when I was 12-14. I kept having sexual intrusive thoughts and thoughts about things I didn’t like or being threatened or yelled at. I also became more aware of germs, and started washing my hands more frequently 🧼. I first learned about OCD when I was 14, and I noticed that I have most of its symptoms. My intrusive thoughts always bother me, and would become worse when I was at school or just in public.
To this day, I still feel like a bad person, but I’m really just a cinnamon roll who needs love. Idk if my mom still believes I have autism or that she doesn’t believe I have OCD.
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OCD
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I've been looking for a girlfriend since I was 17. I'm 24 now and my life has been completely destroyed over the last few years due to this one issue. Been in the mental hospital for a suicide attempt, binge drinking like crazy for a couple years, hobbies all disappeared, no career prospects. I basically only look forward to dying now because I know I'm worthless as a partner at this point. Just a dried husk of a human with no chance of finding anyone to love me.
I hate this world and truly hope i get to leave soon. To be free of this burden would be heaven in itself and dying would free me of that.
It just upsets me so much that my life could have been great if it weren't for this one thing. I used to be such a talented, smart and good looking person. But each and every year of rejection and loneliness took such a huge fucking toll, I've been beaten way into the dirt and there's no way out.
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depression
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I’ve been wanting to talk to someone about this. Three days ago there were 2 earthquakes in California. The second one is the one that impacted me the most, I was pretty calm after it happened, but afterwards I started to search it up on my phone, and I came across the fault of San Andreas. After reading more and more about it, I just started to get really paranoid. I thought that another earthquake was gonna happen and I was gonna die. I remember staying up all night, and I was convinced that I was gonna die. The whole night I was thinking of ways I was gonna die and was was gonna happen when I was dead. I’m making this post after the day a follow up earthquake was likely to happen but didn’t. But yesterday I was just so scared thinking about the earthquake that happened a day ago that when I wanted to do something, I was thinking in my head what’s the point?, I’m gonna die today anyways. I can’t relax in my bed anymore, if I don’t move for more than a few seconds I start to get paranoid and think that the bed is shaking from an earthquake, and I also think back to the day I thought I was gonna die. Honestly I don’t know what to do or if this is considered ptsd at all.
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ptsd
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I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months (this is my first relationship ever at 21). In the beginning I was obsessed with him always getting butterflies, he could do no wrong. But as in the last month I’ve had the thoughts of someone with ROCD; do I even love him, do I want to be with him, to the point where I’d become physically ill and throw up because I’d be so upset at thinking of them. It went away for a week and now it’s back again but this time It feels worse and it’s almost like I don’t even want him to touch me and I’m scared I’m gonna ruin everything because I do love him. Idk I’m really really scared
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OCD
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Honestly, I often wish I didn’t (sorry in advance for the vent). I was conceived by accident, born half-dead, tossed in an orphanage, somehow survived only to be adopted by a suicidal narcissist who physically, emotionally, and sexually abused me my whole life. I’m fucking exhausted. A part of me wishes my birth mother would have just aborted me instead. I don’t think I was meant to be here.
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ptsd
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So it was my birthday today and all in all it’s fun but there are some things I find hard. Firstly everyone feels they need to give you a compliment and I never know how to respond, like I just feel so awkward. Then there’s the gifts, I don’t like how much of a surprise they can be like I’ll ask people what they got me and they respond with “can’t tell you” or something. Also I ran out of spoon so fast usually I end with 3 out of 10 but today oh no I got down to what felt like -3. Just a little bit at the end hear, I’m not saying I don’t enjoy birthdays and have fun it’s just they can also be hard for me because of my autism <3
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aspergers
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I’m invisible and done. I hope you all have good lives
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depression
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Recently I told my school HR that I had certain issues due to my aspergers. I specifically asked them to take me as a person and not for my diagnosis and that I only told them because of this very specific problem. HR then proceeded to completely ignore my request and decided that some articles on the internet were better at describing me and my problems than me.
I also decided to contact a psychologist in order to get an ADHD-screening. He thought it appropriate to write a letter in baby talk. ”YOU have an appointment.. YOU have to download this app” etc. Despite my irritation towards this lack of respect I decided to talk with him. Funnily he said he won’t help me and that I have to hit my head on another very ineffective system that has decided not to respond to me for well over a year.
When I was at my first high school they also decided it would be fun to degrade me and depreciate my remark on apparent antisemitism, racism and discrimination at the school due to my “condition”. The principal also thought she was an expert on my condition, and subsequently me, because she had been a principal at a special ed school before.
I had no issues acquiring straight As in the normal school system. I have no issues planning my life and achieving my goals and job tasks along with school. Learn from my and so many others mistake, keep quiet about your aspergers and only use the information to identify and solve problems in your life.
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aspergers
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Sorry if this a dumb question, but I was wondering - what's the difference between a therapist, a counselor and a psychiatrist? I've been diagnosed with social anxiety and depression. I've been going to a counselor at my local health centre for a couple weeks now, but sometimes I wonder if I'm been "seen" by the right person. How do I decide who from the above is good for me - if there's indeed a difference?
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depression
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Last resort, she would end up staying with me in several years, but she is currently at home with my parents who hold her back and mistreat her. She has autism and doesn’t fully understand or care either. She just sort of forgets and is in her own world but I know that in the moments of abuse she is hurt and sad.
She gets monthly SSI (only about $500) and I’m not sure what she could do. She struggles to plan things, be on time, communicate, socialize.
She has no friends and has never had a boyfriend. Sometimes she just ignores me. But I know she doesn’t mean bad. It’s just how she is.
My dad doesn’t accept her autism and doesn’t understand and love her for how she is. I really would love to get her out of this situation.
Any advice is appreciated
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aspergers
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For a brief period in 2018 I thought I had schizophrenia. I thought I was hearing voices and immediately my stomach sank, and I was freaking out. I kept having obsessive thoughts about if one of my coworkers wasn’t real, it was so freaky. That’s all pretty much subsided now, still deal with different themes but that ones over.
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OCD
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This is my first post, so sorry if I tagged it wrong or if I violated a rule.
​
I'm searching for other people like me who's ocd is tied to the superstitious concept of bad luck numbers and "evil" times on the clock. I hate discussing it with my family and therapists right now because I feel so stupid and crazy trying to explain it. It affects numbers like 13, 31, 14, 17, 4, 9, 6, 666, 27, 42, 47, 21, ("bad numbers")777, 8, 10, 100, 7, 1, 88, ("good numbers"), etc.
​
It varies in how it affects me. If I'm trying to draw, it makes me check the clock to make sure it's not a "bad time"(like 4:00, anytime the clock says :13/:04/ etc), or else I will have to start over my work and completely destroy the original, or else risk getting "cursed". Sometimes ill even completely destroy a completely finished work!!! My ocd will make me paranoid about if I wake up at a "cursed" time, (meaning that my day will be ruined by something or its a bad time to start a new hobby/activity like studying, buying a game, etc, but this also happens if I wake up at an ok time but try to do something at say, 4pm, 13:00, etc). I'm not allowed to have 4 tabs open on my computer or phone, I can't put the tv volume at 13, I can't have 666 points in a game so I have to tryhard to get more or intentionally fail, I have to buy 7 of each item in a game, I must look at the 8th picture in a book before I close it, etc.
​
Discussing it with my grandparents usually ends with them saying to "just fight it" or insisting to me that it's not real, or it can't hurt you if you don't think about it and give it power, yada yada. But that's just it, I know it's illogical, nonsensical, etc, but my mind always throws in a "just in case" scenario that screws me over. It's getting fucking horrible, and I don't know how to control it. Please help.
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OCD
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Does depression make you feel “dumber”? I used to feel confident in my abilities (at work and in life in general) but now I give up easily, feel unmotivated, and just don’t have the same spark that kept me going. Has anyone else experienced this? I hate being so mediocre and uninvested.
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depression
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I was triggered by someone saying they were touched as a kid which triggered my POCD and I know I don't want to do that to a child but had a terrible intrusive thought that was like "they are family so its easy to abuse them cause they are always available" and it makes me sick that if even have a intrusive thought like that and scares me and scares me Even more that that I would think something like that. Please any advice would help does anyone get intrusive thoughts like this I need to know if this is an intrusive thought???
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OCD
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Can a theme be about one specific person? Like not about "will I hurt this person?" or "am I attracted to this person?" But moreso the person generally. Like thinking obsessively about if they're thinking about you, if you're going to run into them in public, what you'll do if you have to talk to them or you're forced to see them, etc. Constantly feel convinced I'm gonna run into this person and have to confront them. Or always looking down their street when I happen to go by or double checking that they won't be where I'm going, etc. Idk. Have other people experienced this and is this an ocd thing or because I have attachment issues? For reference, this is an ex that things ended poorly with.
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OCD
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Woke up sleepy and took my meds out immediately. Pretty proud of myself because i've been forgetting to take them lately.
Walked out of the room to get a water, instantly got distracted and left for work. All day I can't figure out why i'm so sleepy and slightly queasy. I cancel plans and get home and straight to bed by 6pm where there's a shiny new vyvanse and cymbalta waiting on the pillow. I grumble, pop them in my mouth, and realise the grave error 30 seconds later.
What should I do when the productivity hits in the wee hours?
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ADHD
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So for context, i’ve been struggling with ocd for years and POCD is a huge theme of mine. I hate talking to younger guys and i always try and make sure i know their age in case they lie to me and i’m all picky about it.
So recently i found out a boy i had sent nude photographs to last year is younger than he said. At first i thought he was 17 and i was 15 at the time so it was all fine with me. I wasn’t even really interested in him i was just horny back then and he asked for pics and i sent some and i said i was going to go over to his house and we sexted for a bit even though i had no intention of actually going because i just wanted to flirt.
So, a friend of mine told me he’s actually in the year below. I’m in the UK and at the time i was in year 11 (10th grade) so that means he would be in year 10 (9th grade). This really triggered me and i had so much anxiety and started panicking and felt like pedo and stopped talking to him. I’m born in July and he’s born in November so if he was actually in the year below i’d be like 4 months older than him but it still really stressed me out.
Fast forward a year later now i found out from a friend who he told his age to that he’s actually in year 10 (9th grade) THIS YEAR. He’s 15 right now and i’m 16 turning 17 in july. I cant stop overthinking and feeling disgust knowing someone who is younger than me has seen my breasts. My friends tell me it’s not my fault and i didn’t know and even if i did it’s not that serious because he’s 15 right now and i’m 16 but i still can’t stop feeling disgusting and like i’m a bad person. He’s the same age as my brother for God’s sake. This feeling is eating me up i feel like a monster.
I already have an obsession with knowing boy’s ages and asking them to show me ID because of my constant fear of being lied to but i feel like i have to be even more obsessive and careful now because i was not obsessive enough last time and that’s why i ended up sending nudes to a fucking 15 year old.
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OCD
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This has been my newest obsession lately. Everytime my parents go to work I am always scared they will get into an accident and die. I always have to talk to them and say I love you and be careful. Or else I feel like it will happen. Another obsession of mine is my house burning down. I am constantly checking outlets, plugs, and making sure candles are blown out. I think some of my electrical outlets are old and it freaks me out that a faulty wire can light the whole house on fire. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t leave my house. I don’t want to lose my stuff. I’m so tired and my mind is exhausted. Does anyone else struggle with this?
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OCD
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I've decided to take Autism Awareness Month away from the neurotypicals, Autism Speaks, autism warrior mommies, and anti-vaxers and reclaim it for Autism Acceptance. And as part of that, I intend to celebrate being autistic. So to start off who are your favorite fictional autistic characters? These can either be canon or headcanon. I'll go first.
\-Entrapta from She-Ra and the Princesses of Power
\-Zuko from Avatar: The Last Airbender
\-Daria Morgendorffer from Daria
\-Martin Ellingham from Doc Martin
\-Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory
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aspergers
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I have many of the symptoms of executive dysfunction, but am also pretty organized. I can't tell how much of this is compensatory behavior, personal preference and anxiety, though. I keep seeing "loses things frequently" and "disorganized" as significant symptoms, but I rarely lose anything. That being said, I've literally eliminated 80% of my physical belongings to reduce mental clutter - it's easy to know where something goes when you barely own anything. When I'm out of the house, I'm also always taking stock of critical belongings like keys, phone, wallet, so I don't leave them somewhere. I make sure that I stay hyperaware of not losing things, because the thought of having to replace them fills me with massive anxiety.
I've been able to train myself to put things back after I use them, but left to my own devices I'll just throw things everywhere then later clean it up all at once. I actually enjoy cleaning/organizing and doing most household chores (dishes, laundry, vacuuming, etc), but can't tell how much of this has to do with my discomfort with being unable to tune out external clutter, or just liking hands-on tasks in general. Ironically, I really enjoy looking at "cluttered" places (aka homes with tons of random tchotchkes) but can't deal with this in my own house. I generally try to keep up with chores but am unable to do so when I'm busy with/tired from other more critical tasks.
Mental organization is a completely different story. My short-term memory is dismal, and I'll forget important pieces of information constantly or blank out on things that happened recently. I have to keep verbally reminding myself to do certain tasks or I'll forget them completely. I usually can't get myself to do things that are tedious and time-consuming to me, am horrible at long-term planning, and generally live my life in an unplanned, reactive sort of way. I adapt easily to random events but get really uncomfortable when I have to stick to a plan. The thought of working a job where I have to do the same thing with the same people for years, or decades, fills me utter dread. When I've had jobs like this I'll come in strong and hyperfocused, then completely lose motivation after a few months. I just stop caring and for whatever reason get physically tired all the time once I check out.
I can usually plan and order tasks that require mental effort, but have extreme trouble executing to completion unless it's something I like, want to do, or am capable of zoning out/hyperfocusing on. I don't think I've ever really finished a personal project, and have a ton of unfinished ones lying around. I space out constantly when I'm bored and bounce from task to task, and often even have trouble focusing on recreational activities. I feel this weird obligations to focus so I can enjoy it, find I can't focus, then go do something else. I think I operate best when I'm task-switching a lot, but give me too many tasks and half of them will be left undone because I forgot about them.
I also have a habit of constantly running through to-do lists in my head - I don't know if this is normal? If I don't mentally verbalize things to do and run them through my head over and over, I'll forget to do them. I rely on actual to-do lists constantly to get things done, and am virtually incapable of mentally storing this kind of information. I have to take a handwritten list to the grocery store if I'm trying to buy certain things, because I'll get distracted in there and forget what I need. My preferred method of shopping is just to randomly go through a shop, look at a bunch of stuff I won't buy, and chuck things I need in my cart.
Not to mention the constant dopamine-seeking. I've dealt with addiction issues before, and have found it very hard to stop using substances compulsively, even when I want to quit. Cannabis helps with focus in a weird way - it doesn't help while I'm using it, but it's like my brain will "reset" for about a month after quitting use. I have more energy and motivation, focus better, am more engaged socially, etc. I feel like a wind-up toy though in that I'll eventually run out of steam and revert to my usual state.
I'm also very addicted to coffee (which doesn't really improve my focus, but keeps me awake at least), can't tear myself away from my phone a lot of the time, and waste hours on the computer without knowing what the hell I was really doing. I feel dull, bored or anxious a lot of the time unless I'm sensation-seeking or absorbed in something I really enjoy. Even then, I usually can't immerse myself completely in a task because my mind will wander. This is part of why I started using substances, because they create this sort of immersive focus and tune out the boredom and the noise.
Would it be advisable to get an ADHD consultation and/or try meds? My main worry with medication is that it'd exacerbate my anxiety or contribute to depression when the stimulants wear off. I think I've avoided trying them for so long because many of the people I've known with ADHD who were medicated had also been put on antidepressants. I am really, really tired of living below my potential though. I know I can do better, but I don't feel I can do it with the brain I have now.
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ADHD
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So, I've been taking Vyvanse for about 4 days now (i know, not long), and it's working so far so well, but I get a pretty big but gradual crash around 3-4 pm... while I'm still at work? I take my meds at 9am or 10am depending on the day.
Is there anything I can do about this, to help delay the crash? I've tried drinking coffee but it only helps a bit, and it basically just wakes me up a bit more rather than improving my mood like the Vyvanse. I've been also getting pretty irritable lately, not sure if that's just the meds wearing off or me! It's only happened within the last week or so...
Is it my dosage? Am I metabolizing too quickly?
Edit: I forgot to write my dosage- it’s 30mg!
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ADHD
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I got diagnosed with autism recently and I think I’m still feeling imposter syndrome. I also keep thinking that maybe I’m just making excuses and I should try and push myself to do more.
Basically it feels like my brain can only cope with one big thing at a time, so for example I am studying part time this year at university (only two courses) because I can’t even cope with full time study. I wasn’t working alongside this and I’m still living with my parents but I sort my own laundry, cooking and shopping and solely care for my dog. Yet even the part time study was only *just* manageable for me, and I let many other things slip that I needed to get done.
Now I’ve started a job that is WFH and only a few hours a week but I don’t think it’s the right job for me, it’s quite draining and feels too fast paced. Trying to do these few hours of work alongside studying and my other responsibilities of just caring for myself and my dog has felt really overwhelming and I feel completely drained. Do others get this? I don’t understand why I can’t seem to cope with having multiple commitments at the same time, it’s really frustrating. And I even see other autistic people doing more than me and I’m just wondering am I just exaggerating or something. But in the past pushing myself has led to a bad burnout.
All I can describe it as is feeling like I’ve got all these things I have to keep track of and remember and it feels impossible, like I guess it feels like I’m carrying one heavy box and each extra commitment is another heavy box and soon enough my arms can’t take the weight and I crash.
**TL;DR** I feel like my brain can only cope with one big commitment at one time (work, uni etc). I feel overwhelmed and burnout doing even part time study or work. Does anyone else feel the same?
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aspergers
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I was curious if anyone else struggles with this. (16f)
This can cause difficulty in my friendships. I mask alot so most people can't tell. I was smiling at another girl in my class just trying to be happy and nice and she asked why was I smiling at her. I was just trying to be nice but it really hurt. I've also had guys really like me and if they never called or texted from this day on I wouldn't care. In genral I find it hard to connect with freinds and others, I always feel that people can sense I'm forcing myself into it. I feel that way myself.
I was reasrching yesterday that lack of eampthy can come with adhd. Maybe I'm just a jerk, but I wantd to see if anyone else felt similar.
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ADHD
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Its the only antidepressant that works for me and the past few insurances I've had all refuse to fill the namebrand version. The generic version actually makes me suicidal. Has anyone had any luck in getting a namebrand script filled? USA if thats pertinent
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depression
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Now I aint no physician and I know I can't diagnose myself but I am getting scared that no one in this country is taking my possible ADHD symptoms seriously.
Hello everyone, thanks for reading, I will keep this nice and tight as I love to digress and go on about some other topic.
I live in Jamaica so resources around certain things are a little stiff and limited, maybe even outdated but I fear that I won't get diagnosed with ADHD.
When I first thought I had it, it made sooooooo muuuuuch sense. I visited a psychiatrist in the country and then he said I did not have it.
I was shocked and I thought that maybe he's right. Almost 6 months later I have dropped out of school because I couldn't handle the pressure. Dealing with the depression of just feeling like I am not working. I found myself in that corner again trapped.
I did some written exam thingy for math and english (WRAT), and apparently the score will tell me I have ADHD.
That does not make sense. I guess I am just being impatient but I am really scared that I don't have it.
If I don't have it then I have to be sick with something else.... I can't handle looking anymore to figure out if I have this thing or not.
Conclusion: I am afraid that the people who are doing my diagnosis don't know what I am doing. I am being impatient, and jumping a little to conclusion but I just feel like they are gonna tell me I am fine when I think I am not you know.
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ADHD
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Hello, I am a 23 y/o man seeking a diagnosis for autism. I am just curious as to what they will ask me at the evaluation. For people who have been evaluated what kinds of questions did they ask you? I am nervous because im not usually good at answering personal or invasive questions.
Sorry if this is not the type of thing I am supposed to be posting here.
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aspergers
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I dont know why but i quit my antipsychotics and antidepressants for a week know and I am fully back to crying every night. But in some wierd way I kinda like it, it feels comforting to be back.
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depression
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I'm a 31 year old guy from Canada. I was diagnosed with depression about a decade ago, but I probably lived with it in my teens too. Lately I have been really struggling. Everything feels so impossibly hard. I had 3 4 hour shifts this week and that was enough to completely exhaust and drain me. Cooking and getting groceries feels impossible. I try to use all the techniques I've learned in therapy and take all my meds, but it's so exhausting. It feels like they are some kind of life support that is just barely keeping me alive, and it's getting harder and harder to use them. I just want to give up. I've been fighting so long and so hard and things just aren't getting better. I dont want to kill myself because I don't want to cause others to suffer, but im so tired of life.
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depression
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I finally found it and it's so simple. Its cards. I love to shuffle them. I told my friends I would learn to shuffle and when I started I realized it was so calming. When ever im stressed out or upset I pull out my cards and it seems to make it okay again. I love shuffling cards, it's so simple too but it works. I cant be happier.
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ADHD
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Today my mom told my younger brother to find her pair of scissors that he borrowed from her and lost. Since he didn't seem bothered, i had to remind him of it so i said "if you don't find it i'll have to tell mom" and at that moment my brain made me think "you're asking this to the devil, you're asking him to find it" and i panicked. So i whispered "i'm not asking you anything" to "undo" my "wish" and my brain was like "now you're asking the devil to not do anything, that still counts as a pact" so i whispered "i'm not asking you to not not do anything either" and now i'm anxious about having made a pact by whispering these things :( i hate religious ocd
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OCD
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im super anxious because im scared ive done something wrong and initially my ocd said that i didnt realize it was bad, which if its even real this is definitely more likely, and now its saying that it happened AND i knew “deep down” that it was bad. but it seems to just be making shit up from thin air because im desperately trying to figure out if this memory is real because i dont want to lie to myself about it. i dont have a SINGLE memory of this, and i never have, but im so scared that im wrong that ive just been assuming its real and confessed to my gf that i mightve done it. but now ocd has completely flipped the story and is saying that i completely knew what i did was bad. but this couldnt have happened!! someone help
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OCD
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Please don't judge me. I know I have stuff to work on. I keep seeing TikTok trends of girlfriends showing their boyfriends like thirst trap videos on TikTok and then asking "what was the color of the _____" and my OCD kept telling me I HAVE to do it to my boyfriend. He said "I'm not going to analyze and remember every single item in the room". I got a little disappointed honestly cuz I felt like if he really wasn't looking he would've been able to answer because it was a bright blue loofa hanging in her shower behind her and there wasn't much else to look at object-wise. Can someone reassure me and tell me that that's normal? Do you guys think even if he genuinely wasn't looking there it's possible he just didn't really notice it? I feel like it was really noticeable but at the same time obviously I was looking for it so it might not be the same.
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OCD
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Hi, I’m not sure if this post is allowed, but I’ve been looking for fellow aspie friends in my area. I haven’t been around anyone with autism besides my mom, and I think friendship would be easier with people who think a bit more like me.
A little about myself, I’m jay, I’m 28 and I live in Cincinnati. I have a cat who’s sweet when she’s asleep and murderous when she’s awake. Not sure she’s gotten past her feral stage (I found her outside). Obviously I have autism, along with a litany of other diagnoses that I’d be okay with getting into if that’s what you’re after.
Anyway, if this catches your attention, I don’t really care where you’re from as long as you’re cool and maybe as lonely as me
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aspergers
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PLEASE READ!
Why the hell do I care for the parents who put me at such a point, Why? I remember over a year ago when I first started to have compulsions(contamination OCD, washing, avoiding contamination etc) I started to take long in showers to the point my hands literally turned white and dry, I washed my hands so much that they had a water proof dry soap coating on them. People saw my hands and made fun of them. About this time my father came to visit us.(he lives abroad comes after years)
That man got annoyed by me closing taps with tissues and avoiding sitting in certain places. That man put me through soo much hell that it's honestly insane!
At that point in time my OCD was manageable and I more or less was a normal guy but due to fucking COVID my dad got stuck here with us along side my grandfather.
My dad got angry at me for doing my compulsions he would yell at me and would discuss it angrily with my Grandfather, like wow the dad that I barely spent like 2 or 3 years with was such a terrible father.
In 6-8 Months when he was around I was basically living in hell and I 100% believe all this intense anxiety made my compulsions very very worse to the point I can't go outside and not take a shower after coming back.
I now only sit in 2 places in the entire house and avoid everything other than my phone, I can't play xbox anymore as my brother's and I shared one.
My mom and my sister would hide shampoos and dishwash cause I used that to avoid using soaps that everyone else used.
They made fun of me, they sometimes still do.
If I call my mom out for something related to my condition she becomes angry and starts playing the victim card.
I went to 2 Psychiatrists who initially promised me that they would do erp and stuff but never got to it (went to each one for 2 months respectively)
They put me out of medication etc etc and got me into religious treatment.
And after there treatment didn't work I've just been left in a limbo with the same thing repeating every single day. I keep thinking how, if and when this will end and I don't know if it ever will honestly.
I only have one answer to it all, which is to end it myself because there just seems to be no other way.
I'm not suicidal but I do have these thoughts, maybe I can hold out a year or so more.
I don't know why I still care for them.
My little brother is cool and understands and helps around, I feel bad about asking him for help
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OCD
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Not sure on what to really say. Im sure youve all seen most of it all before.
Yeah im struggling with living at the moment. Everything has just gone downhill so fast lately and ive found myself lost and broken. Ive ended up loosing everyone ive ever cared about. Im completely on my own, with no one to turn to for support or to talk me down from killing myself. Ive lost everything that made me, me.
Im just so angry all the time. I just hate myself and my life. Everywhere i look and i see everyone else just being happy while im in so much pain and confusion that i cant even function anymore. Theres a constant sharp pain in my chest that intensifies every time i take a breath.
Today i spent over 2 hours holding a sharp object to my wrist, and every time id think about something ive messed up or something wrong ive said or done i had this hot angery urge to just slice across my wrists. I dont know why i didnt. Maybe part of me doesn't want to die. But i honestly despise living. It hurts. I need help and support, but ive got no one in my life to support me. And i have no idea where to get help. I cant do therapy, i just cant sit there face to face with a person and tell them all the shit in my life thats fucked me up and everything ive done wrong. I know im a worthless shit human being. I feel that there is just no hope for me anymore.
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depression
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Very long read... sorry for that
Little backstory: I'm not diagnosed with ADHD, but I suspect I may have it because I experience many of the symptoms which interfere greatly with my daily life and this is the only sub I can find to actually vent. If it is inappropriate for me to post here without a diagnosis, I understand that the post may be removed. I've been diagnosed with Anxiety and depression before, also have suicidal thoughts and have struggled with since.
I've got my first proper job this year and I'm studying at the same time and well... it's been hard juggling everything and I've felt overwhelmed and almost burnt out more than once.
I also have IBS which means my belly doesnt really let me get to work right away in the morning. Throw that in with breakdowns, time blindness and anxiety in the morning, my lateness has worsened during the year as my mental health became worse. The constant lateness makes me feel extremely guilty and it is crushing my self esteem (I have thoughts like "you're good at nothing, you can't even get early to work, you're worthless"+imposter syndrome, that I don't deserve to be here)
I'm normally extremely sensitive to criticism. I would often lash out in anger (something I'm learning to control) or just cry and breakdown and have self destructive thoughts- since it feels like criticism is validating to my self destructive thoughts.
Anyway long story short, today I had a bad flareup in the morning, so I sent a msg at work notifying that I'll be late, and my car had some issues I had to tend to on the way. To my surprise when I reached work the msg wasnt sent. We're very close at the office, almost like friends and when I reached the office I told the person to whom I sent the msg to that the msg wasnt delivered and she told me in a very passive aggressive tone in front of a new intern/ trainee "You know the office hours are 8 to 5 right" followed by "Have you ever once respected that?" I did a few times with tremendous efforts but it was so rare that I doubt she even knows..
And she's completely right but I felt so embarrassed... even more so since I considered her to be a close friend. And I know that everyone around me feels the same about my lateness
And I wishes I could vanish in that very moment.
I went into the back of the office and tried my hardest to hold a straight face and fought back the tears..
I know it's very trivial but I feel like a piece of garbage. I'll try waking up even earlier to be more in control of the situation but I dont know how I'll look her straight in the eye after that.
TL;DR My coworker called me out on my lateness in front of an intern in a passive aggressive way and I feel like shit
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ADHD
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You know when you have assignments or work to do but even if you sit in front of the thing for hours you just- can't start? Does anyone else make themselves purposely feel guilt in order to pressure yourself to do the thing the day after?
I can't physically read what I need to read for an essay right now, got hyperfixated on food. Gonna make myself feel guilty by ignoring the task so I have no other choice to go through with it tomorrow. Sorry future me.
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ADHD
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Hey Everyone,
I was wondering if anyone might have experienced something like this?
Sometimes when I have intrusive thoughts and I'm trying to push them away, it feels as though there's a part of me that's almost spitefully letting them materialise?
For example, if I know that a bad thought is coming, and I'm trying to not think it, it feels as though part of my mind isn't trying hard enough to push it away, or to not let it become fully formed?
Almost as though you're standing on loose gravel next to a cliff edge and can feel yourself sliding towards it, and instead of jumping away or running away from the cliff, something seems to stop you from saving yourself as you gradually slide closer to the edge?
It's something I've become aware of lately and wondered if anyone else has dealt with? It feels like it might be some kind of self-spite thing? I don't make a conscious decision to let a bad thought come but it feels like maybe subconsciously I am?
Thanks.
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OCD
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